#to be fair i dont even have a real closet

[soaps-mohawk]

I have a very similar sorting system for my clothes except that I also sort by what they are for my shirts are separated by use then how often I wear them then by type and then color and same for my pants lol I have a drawer that's from most to least wear

Dang that's impressive!!! Mine tends to get sorted like that because I wear about five of the same shirts every week so everything else just gets shoved to the back anyway 😂 my closet is not organized at all. Not in the slightest

[andy-wm]

i'm wondering how your thesis of "idols will come out when they want" fits into your insane shadow analysis attempting to prove jimin and jungkook fucked in the middle of their travel show (amongst other things)? like do you get joy out or trying to drag someone out of a closet they might not be in? or is it something else? just curious! 😀

Hey wdcmaxy

Since you have the guts to use your name I'll respond :)

So, you read my thesis?

*Sips whisky*

Cool. And you read my insane shadow analysis too?

Hmmm... do you come here often?

Let me answer your question then.

I think we both know the shadows analysis isn't really insane - it's based on very basic earth science. Shadows grow longer as the day progresses because of the rotation of the earth on its axis. You sound reasonably literate so i assume you know this already.

I guess your description of my shadow analysis ( I think I'll name my next racehorse 'Shadow Analysis') as insane is an attempt to discredit the idea that a fair bit of time passed while Tae was out of the house? But that was kinda silly on your part. Even children know that shadows change as the day passes.

Nothing insane about it.

He was gone for hours, no debate.

Now let's move on to the fucking part, and when and how idols choose to come out.

This is actually worth discussing.

As flattered as i am that you think my tiny insignificant blog could be a game changer for anyone, let's be real.

How many people, besides yourself, do you think read my blog?

Serious question.

I'm estimating maybe 100. Double that on a good day. Maybe 300 if i write something REALLY profound which doesn't happen often.

I am way less excited about my impact on the world than you are, because I'm a realist.

BUT if by some strange twist of fate my blog came to the attention of someone whose opinion mattered (I'm not counting you, don't worry) do you think they would take it seriously? Do you REALLY imagine a random tumblr post about shadows could make someone believe that an idol was gay if they didn't already believe it?

Here's a great example of how that wouldn't happen:

You, dear reader.

You're my example.

You came here to tell me I'm speaking shit and that I should pull my head in, correct? My insane shadow analysis hasn't changed your beliefs at all. You're here, throwing a tantrum on my page, because you don't agree with what I'm saying, not because you suddenly believe it.

Or ...

Perhaps you suspect it's true and that scares you. Maybe you can't be absolutely sure I'm wrong and that's why you need to yell at me? Could that be it? Time for a bit of self reflection?

Either way, it's not going to make an iota of difference in the grand scheme of things.

We are all just dust motes floating through time and space, my friend. You dont need to worry so much. The universe is unfolding exactly as intended.

However... There are a couple of things we should agree on:

The fact is that the shadows grew long and therefore, time passed. And Tae was out for several hours. Maybe he went out for a bit of afternoon delight himself? Maybe Jimin and Jungkook played Pokemon Go all afternoon, or prayed, or practiced their English, or braided each other's hair.

Regardless of whether they did or didn't fuck, or how many times, or on what surfaces, the time still passed.

And whether I write my blog or not, people will believe what they believe. And they will be gay or they won't be gay.

And even though I never mentioned anything about them fucking in that post, whether you like it or not Jimin and Jungkook might be fucking right now, as you read this.

One last thing...

Please bear in mind, through all of this, that fucking is not the be all and end all of life. Sure its a lot of fun if you do it right but the notion that it's more meaningful than sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings, or giving someone your time and energy, is bullshit.

You can have a roots-deep love for someone and never even think of fucking them. Or you can meet someone in a public toilet and have at it, and leave without even knowing their name.

Sex does not equal love. Fucking is not that big of a big deal.

Unless...

Unless you're fucking someone the patriarchy doesn't want you to fuck. Then its a major issue.

Hear me out.

The need to control who we fuck is based a patriarchal need to control material wealth.

To control material wealth, the patriarchy needs to control reproduction (so they can be sure their wealth stays with their bloodline, because wealth is built over many generations) and to do THAT they need to control womens' bodies.... and to do that, of course they need to control who women fuck. And who men fuck too!

Do you know what the ACTUAL issue is with men who like dick? They don't automatically buy into the patriarchal way of life. (where's the solidarity, lads?)

Why don't they?

Because lifelong monogamy and marriage and nuclear families don't matter as much when you're not equating love with sex, and sex with reproduction. When your goal isn't to accumulate wealth and pass it down to your children.

Same thing applies to women who love women. They aren't focused on being demure and pleasing the men in power. They aren't focused on making themselves wife material. They will challenge the status quo and maybe even (shock! horror!) decide not to have children. How the heck do you make sure your money and power stays in the family, how do you build an empire, when the women are perfectly happy having sex with each other and don't want to love, honour and obey??

And whose fault is all this?

Its got to be the damned queers, right? They're making people think there might be other ways to share your life with those you care about! That's why its important to squash down gayness whenever you can, right, wdcmaxy?

Look at them destroying the fabric of society!

If Jimin and Jungkook ARE fucking every chance they get, good for them. I hope they're balls deep and breathless, hitting all those sweet spots for each other having a really good time.

And if they're not fucking, it actually doesn't matter to me because the way they support each other and share their hearts is beautiful. (I do think they are fucking though)

Truthfully, whatever they're doing, as long as they're happy I'm happy.

Can you say the same, wdcmaxy?

Peace.

[ssparksflyy]

BUT I DONT WANNA DANCE, IF IM NOT DANCING WITH YOU ♡ !

pairing percy jackson x ballerina!reader summary (smau) just a few days in the life as a pro ballerina nd her loving bf ( ꈍ◡ꈍ) an guys i dont know anything abt ballet please dont come for me 😭 also!! first smau and first time writing in foreverrrrr

♡ liked by perseajackson, annie.beth, prettygirlpipes, hazelluvsu, clarisseswrld, lightning.mcqueen and others

soyn last few days in the studio have been soso hectic but im forever great full i get to spend them with some of the most beautiful amazing dancers in the whole wide worlddd ‹𝟹 ( dont forget to buy ur tickets for our upcoming recital !! )

annie.beth u guys literally look so good !! popped in the other day to help with lighting issues and oh em gee im so excited nd proud!!

⤷ soyn and u didnt say hello !! literally what !!

⤷ annie.beth my boss didnt let me ᴖ̈

⤷ soyn they hate to see us together fr

tallesttiptoes blood sweat nd tears going into this guys buy ur tickets ꃋᴖꃋ

⤷ soyn no literally like the amount of band-aids i have on rn ....

⤷ perseajackson can confirm shes gone through two boxes of hello kitty band-aids in the last month

lightning.mcqueen where can i buy tickets plsss (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

⤷ soyn TY JASON !! (balletwebsite.com) !!

♡ liked by soyn, letsbefrank, sillysallyjackson, underwoodz, annie.beth, fireboy, lightning.mcqueen and others

perseajackson day like forty seven of trying new recipes except when i tried making what i had originally planned i spilled like half of our salt ... we resorted to pasta but its a win cause my gf loves pasta

fireboy how the hell did u spill half of ur salt

⤷ perseajackson ive literally watched you intentionally put seven cups of salt into a cake before

⤷ fireboy ... and what im a salty man

⤷ prettygirlpipes we know

lightning.mcqueen waiting for the day u make me dinner ᴖ̈

⤷ perseajackson ill make u a full course meal bro dw

⤷ lightning.mcqueen bro ily

⤷ perseajackson omg no ily more

view more replies

soyn best chef in ny fr !! after ur mom ofc

⤷ perseajackson real i can never compete with her she'd eat me up

⤷ soyn its cause she's sally jackson babe dw

now playing ... birds of a feather by billie eilish

♡ liked by annie.beth, soyn, perseajackson, lightning.mcqueen, hazelluvsu, fireboy, letsbefrank and others

prettygirlpiper group met up at the fair this weekend nd omg ... i have not laughed n had so much fun since i cant even remember like core memory fr + everybody's fav couple making the whole fair feel single

annie.beth WE LITERALLY NEED TO DO THIS MORE IT WAS SM FUN

⤷ fireboy YALL DONT UNDERSTAND I HAVE NO LIFE IM FREE WHENEVERRR ( ˶•ᴖ•) !!

hazelluvsu i had so much fun except for when i almost died of laughter after watching jason lose at thirteen games in a row

⤷ lightning.mcqueen TRAITOR

⤷ perseajackson damnnnn u did my man dirty hazel

⤷ letsbefrank nah cause it was genuinely sad after a while

⤷ lightning.mcqueen percy ur the only one who understands me

soyn ily guys sm omgggg (pipes dont be shy send me that pic ˘ ³˘)

⤷ prettygirlpiper i gotchu pooks dw ♡

♡ liked by perseajackson, tallesttiptoes, letsbefrank, luvrgirlsteph, annie.beth, prettygirlpiper, fireboy and others

soyn im working late, cause im a singer dancer ( recital is in two days we r stressing but so ready !! )

tallesttiptoes OH YEAH im so ready (im not ready at all) literally so pumped (crying in my closet rn) i CANNOT wait (im going to kms)

⤷ luvrgirlsteph WE GOT THIS GIRL DONT KYS ‹𝟹

perseajackson ilysm babe u got this !!

⤷ soyn tysm percy ily (˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥)

⤷ prettygirlpiper omg i hate u guys #bringbacktoxiccouples

⤷ perseajackson stay jealous

hazelluvsu u got this yn !! ur an amazing leader i just know all the girls in ur studio r so lucky to be working with u !!

⤷ tallesttiptoes YESS WE AREEEE

⤷ luvrgirlsteph yn my fav dancer fr !!

⤷ soyn ilysm pretty girls ‹𝟹

now playing ... new years day by taylor swift

♡ liked by perseajackson, tallesttiptoes, annie.beth, prettygirlpiper, fireboy, clarisseswrld, lightning.mcqueen and others

soyn theres glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, and i am holding onto these memories as they hold onto me- we did it !!

perseajackson words cannot explain how proud i am of u babe, i literally started crying and the guy next to me hugged me and we cried TOGETHER

⤷ soyn NO WAY NO U DID NOT

⤷ lightning.mcqueen yes he did leo and i can confirm ill send u the pics rn

⤷ soyn THIS IS GOLDEN WHAT

fireboy THAT WAS SO COOL U LOOKED LIKE A PRINCESS I WANNA DO BALLET

⤷ soyn BETTTT LEO U GOT THAT

⤷ prettygirlpiper ohmygod i cannot wait to see how this ends

annie.beth U GUYS DID SO WELL IT WAS AMAZING !!

⤷ hazelluvsu my jaw was literally on the floor to whole time ꃋᴖꃋ

⤷ letsbefrank drop the leg day routine cause HOW

⤷ soyn STOPPP ILY GUYS SM (˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥)

© ssparksflyy ┊ ur user was inspired by so high school n so american - like if you put my name in it would be 'sobells' yk?? yk.

[starvember-moved]

big sib! daisy jones x little sib! reader

summary: your cool older sister helps you get ready for her band practice.

might make a series out of this :0

daisy looked so pretty, and she didn't have to try. it wasn't fair. you had to try so hard to look even half as pretty as her. daisy spun around to face you, the fringe on her open vest flying in the air.

“what d'ya think? yes or no?” daisy's smile was infectious, and as she showed off each aspect of her outfit, you started smiling, too. “the vest is a little much, isnt it?”

you shook your head, fingers gliding through the brown strands. they were soft to the touch, fun to untangle, and you could play with it all night if daisy let you.

except, daisy had band practice.

instead of responding, you huffed and crossed your arms over your chest; pouting. a frown tugged on daisy's face, and she turned around to look down at you.

“why we pouting, baby?” daisy looked cool even standing there, hands on her hips. with no response, daisy slowly pieced it together. “oh, i get it.”

“you,” daisy dropped down in a crouch, tapping the tip of your nose. she laughed when you scrunched your nose up and tried pushing her hand away. “want to go, dont you?”

you crossed your arms tighter across your chest and mumbled a whiny “nuh uh.”

“uh huh. yes you do.” and before you knew it, daisy was pulling you off the floor and tugging you to your room.

she pointed at the bed and turned to your closet full of clothes. arms crossed in thought, daisy rambled on. “you wanna match with sister? oh, but we don't want you getting cold. they never have the heat on.”

daisy thumbed through the clothes, and you watched her, growing giddy at the realization you'd get to go. you just knew daisy's friends were cool too by the way she talked about them. always smiling and laughing.

“why don't you pack a bag, sunshine? a coloring book and a few other toys.”

you looked around your room, eyes landing on your sun plushie. you glanced back at daisy, then frowned. what would her friends think of you carrying some plushie?

as daisy sat a pair of jeans on the bed, she caught you staring. her smile grew big again as she bent down to pick it up. “oh, do you want apollo?” you reached out for your toy, bringing apollo close. “you should bring him.”

so nonchalant. daisy turned back to find a shirt for you to wear. “y'know my friend karen? she would love apollo. i mean, just absolutely adore him.”

she would? one of daisy's elusive, rockstar friends would like your favorite stuffed friend? there was no reason for daisy to lie to you.

“and your cool coloring book with pirates and sea animals?” daisy's voice grew louder as she walked to her bedroom. you watched the door and saw her emerge with one of her shirts. “warren would totally fight you for it. him and eddie both.”

the ladybug shirt that you always told daisy looked pretty on her. your joy was nearly impossible to contain when you realized daisy was going to make you look just as cool as her. well, maybe not as cool.

“for reals? i can wear your buggie shirt?” daisy nodded and shrugged as if it was no big deal. she tossed the shirt on the bed, kissing your nose in the process. “thank yous! thank yous!”

“now, listen, you've gotta behave, okay? you can't be loud and running around. we're rehearsing. you gonna be good?”

with apollo clutched in your hands, you nodded. “i promise! ill be the bestest ever, daisy!”

“good, baby,” daisy's smile was soft as she kissed your head. “i'm gonna go get my stuff ready. meet me in the living room, okay?” with a final look, daisy ruffled your hair and left.

your big sister was the coolest rockstar you'd ever met before.

[sickknotdoom]

sparklecare fans on twitter whining about the post nut clarity joke uni made is so funny because they refuse to talk about the many other blatant issues such as

barruni being a poorly written ship; barry is practically verbally abusive towards uni, uni lovebombs him regardless, and the reader is basically forced to enjoy the ship

the nurses that murder and torture patients being infantilized and treated like theyre innocent just because theyre queer, implied to be neurodivergent, or because cuddles is portrayed as the only "real" villain in the entire story; apparently the whole reason the comic even got rebooted was because they thought making the staff evil was "bad representation", but in all honesty queer people can be just as shitty as cishets, like have you seen dahmer?

pollys disability (which was poorly written to begin with, being constantly cold is nowhere near being unable to fucking walk) being erased in the au's

literally everyone having the same skinny body type except for the ones that are meant to be hated (cuddles, that one social worker from v3) with very few exceptions (side characters that are irrelevant 99% of the time)

an alarming disregard towards gay male rep; barruni and carlsly being initially advertised as mlm ships only for the clowns to abruptly make uni and sly closeted transhets (which by the way, heavily leans into the homophobic and transphobic stereotype that "gay guys are all just secretly trans"/vice versa), and the very few actually mlm characters (mel cyn and orange) being almost nonexistant until the writers run out of ideas and decide to slap them into the page like subway surfers gameplay

aroace erasure; uni, despite being aegosexual, is constantly shoved into sexual scenarios as a "joke", and hemera, the only aromantic character in the entire comic so far, is paired with at least four other characters in the cometcare au

but i guess we just dont question anything since the comic was originally based on kittycorns medical trauma, and criticizing it would be "disrespectful" to what kit went through, which seems fair. but if thats the case, why are we defending all of the hospital staff? wouldnt they be based on the real life medical abusers that hurt kit? that sounds hypocritical in my honest opinion.

do not harass the creators of the comic, obviously. sparklecare hospital actually means a lot to me as it helped me during a rough spot which im still in at the moment. and thats why i feel the need to bring these issues to light, im seeing a lot of wasted energy and poor creative decisions that are tainting what i believe has potential to be one of the best webcomics ever.

[caruliaa]

personally i dont think karen using ziggs correct pronouns is like proof the chasitys r like so awesome and chill abt trans ppl like . legit feel like they arent like everyones entitled to their opinions on it yk ofc but imo it kinda takes away from the commentary of the harm of fundamentalist xtian views esp when they r canonically homophobic ones and ones clearly based in like. gender roles to act like transphobia isnt part of those harmful views yk but like i do have my own takes on those lines in hatchet town being. number 1 the kindaa boring one lol is that the songs in the show are non diagetic yk so its kinda like when ur telling a story abt ur friend whos nonbinary and like their mom or whoever is transphobic or theyre not out to her nd u have to mention smth their mom said abt them in the story but its not at all relevant to the story tht theyre closeted to her or she doenst respect their identity and like regardless u dont wanna deadname nd misgender ur friend so ur gonna say it like she was using the right name and pronouns assuming ur talking to someone theyre out to right. what im saying is the meta narrative (and also team starkid bc i suspect the real not in universe reason is they didnt wanna misgender both the character and their actor whos actually non binary which is like rly valid nd fair yk like esp in the instance of the simple hatchet town cameo irrelevent to any other hypothetical commentary i think itd feel less like an actual commentary on transphobia and more like. just pointless and somewhat transphobic in an of itself yk) is ziggs friend in this analogy and its not going misgender them even if it is repeating something karen said thank you very much ! and number 2 the less boring one is that ziggs nonbinary swag is so powerful tht the transphobes of hatchetfield dont know how to misgender them so theyre forced to respect their identity bc they dont know how to disrespect it lol

[all-hail-albert]

ok this might seem rly controversial and im kind of stressed out from the thought of posting it but i felt like it needed to be said

if you didnt know, there were a decent amount of people (at least while i was watchiing flamingo much more) that speculated that Albert was bisexual.

And idk, but that just . uh how do i say it

I feel like, as a queer person myself, its not fair to speculate a real persons sexual identity like that, regardless of which sexuality they actually identify as. IT can make closeted influencers anxious and afraid, and it can just make ppl uncomfortable in general. + no one should be forced to come out and people shouldnt talk that much about a REAL PERSONS sexuality as if they were making up headcanons for a fictional character. they have their own emotions insecurities + etc and it just seems a bit too weird to do that

obviously sometimes influencers leave intentional hints of their queerness, and you arent MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE if you think that a celebrity/influencer/anyone in your life MIGHT BE QUEER. But to make videos, posts and other stuff about that, complettely disregarding how the person themselves feels abt it? idk. just seems weird to me (and not weird in a good way).

queer influencers dont need to deal w that shit. non-queer influencers dont need to deal w that shit.

especially if someone is just trying to 'headcanon' an influencers sexuaality so they can ship them w other ppl

listen like. if the influencer THEMSELVES says its fine, then yea sure, as long as they made it obvious theyre fine w that stuff, do whatever. but if they hadnt? dont assume bc you could possibly make them rly uncomfortable

its just like. idk, its also potentially dangerous for some influencers. their perception by the general public may change especially if theyre popular or mainstream. this isnt even about flamingo anymore im just speaking generally.

ok sorry. rant over

(i think its fine to joke abt it bc as far as im aware albert also sometimes jookes abt it? but serious speculation is too much imo)

[claratyler]

I actually lost sleep over merlin last night and i still have a lot of thoughts

i never actually watched the show after the first time through when i was 14. And the impressions i was left with this entire time was: merlin is gay; arthur and gwen are SO cute but i still think merthur is even stronger; morgana's downfall makes me depressed because once they were all friends and then she betrays them all; poor merlin trying his hardest to make the parts of destiny he likes happen and the parts he doesnt like NOT happen, he is literally a tragic hero and for all his efforts, for all his sacrifice and the time he spent closeted, arthur still dies and the ending made me sob for a week

But now that i'm rewatching i feel like i remembered it completely wrong and i feel like a lot of people do too. Yes the ending is tragic and it hits as hard as it did because we've always knownit was going to end like this, they've been telling us since season 1!!

But its also tragic because..merlin is such a damn bootlicker. Its tragic to see him stop fighting for his rights and even stop WANTING to stand up for himself. All he cares about is arthur arthur arthur, and i dont just mean this like he's obsessed in a bad way because he loves kissing the monarchy's ass. ITS BECAUSE MERLIN IS 100% ACTUALLY GENUINELY IN LOVE WITH ARTHUR! And arthur loves him a lot too, just not romantically. ANDTHESE TWO ASPECTS ONLY MAKE MERLIN'S SITUATION ALL THE MORE TRAGIC AND PATHETIC.

For some reason I remembered this show as being so sad because For The Power Of Good, merlin had to sacrifice living openly. When really this show is so sad because Merlin willingly submits and renounces his rights, his fire, his rightful desire for respect for himself and his kind all because he is in love with a man who, if he knew the real him, would have him exiled or even executed

And you know what? There's elements of that same Tragedy Of Bootlicking in gwen and gaius as well. Both have been wrongfully accused and nearly executed by uther (gwen's father was ACTUALLY executed by him) and yet they continue to not only not seek revenge (which fair enought, thats your choice) but they continue to serve under him DIRECTLY at his fucking palace. ?!?!? Logic?!?! Logic where did you go?!?

Gaius has been criticized in the show by other sorcerers for betraying their kind for standing by as they were slaughtered and now working directly for uther. Why?!? Why did gaius do this?!? Honestly, i have to believe it was just fear and cowardice and convenience. His other choice was exile or maybe death and he chose submission. MUCH LIKE MERLIN!!

What about gwen? Why does she stay in camelot after her father is murdered? How can she possibly bear it? Because she is in love with a man who she believes will bring about a new era of prosperity and peace and rights (for servants and the lower class in general). MUCH LIKE MERLIN!! (Except he also wants rights for those with magic)

Morgana is the only bitch i respect around here. She is the only one who says "you know what? Fuck this and fuck you, i will not submit just because i have blind faith in the hope that one day things might be a bit different". Oooo and she is the villain of this tale, i see... just because she refuses to bootlick...

[effieandtim]

Fellow Travelers fans are starting to annoy me with how whiny they are. Jonny and Matt are not going to host SNL for a show that ended 2 months ago, they're not going to be on the cover of Vanity Fairs Hollywood issue, they don't hang out everyday because one lives in London/Brighton and the other lives in LA and even if they did hang out all of the time we wouldn't know about it because Jonny is private. There is no reason to be jealous of Hugh, that's one of Jonny's closets friends he's not taking over Matt and on another note, Jonny is not dating Hugh they always are together this is not new.

lmao i think i saw the snl comment ans the bit about vanity fair

see snl could have been possible in theory if a show was a mega hit BUT we need to accept that ft isnt as big a show as a lot of others, and it still doesnt have a very wide reach/audience. and snl would not call someone from a show that a major chunk of their audience has probably not watched.

and why do we even want them on a trash show like snl?? the jokes are unfunny, a lot of the guests are weirdos like thats not the place i’d pray for someone i like to go 

OH i saw the vanity fair comment and the person who made it and lmao, if you have seen me on twt you’d know i dont interact with them and theres a reason for it

the rest of it - people need to get a grip for real. and i mean that literally. bc there is absolutely no reason to believe costars are attached at the hip all the time especially two who live on different continents😭

and LMAO not poor hugh being dragged into this mess for no reason. i havent seen anyone express jealously towards hugh but its insane if someone did that

hugh and jonathan have been friends for over a decade, and these parasocial fans if any need to stop being so weird about this stuff - these people arent gonna stop being friends with other people or are gonna tell you what they do or dont do

[neverdying-d-e-a-d]

ok i have more confidence from internalizing that ill always be good and valuable #winner but ☝️

im afraid of someone killing me if they dont like me. whatever.

im afraid of someone killing me if they do like me. whatever.

im afraid of people.

i always come back to this. im afraid of people

most people arent even capable of violence, i feel like. people are domesticated, dont have a real violent bone in their body. all talk, all soft. most people dont even think about violence or consider it to be a choice. lets file through the people i know about in my head. insofar as i know, the only people who have made violent threats to me, are one girl, and my father. which, wow.

people are violent in passing, casual ways . but murder? unheard of. and people get violent when they need real and serious help. its not really a choice, is it? well. no, it is, of course it is a choice. i choose not to be violent in passing, or try to. ive never been actively violent, sought it out. so i suppose i dont know if active violence is a choice. only in the way that i cant imagine anything to be a choice.

[okay wait. actually i HAVE been actively violent before i pushed a kid down the stairs in middle school and that was definitely a choice. to be fair he wanted to choke me to death. well. i pushed him out of the way and he fell down the stairs like an idiot and he shouldnt have been blocking the entire class and well, no one liked him, and i guess if no one likes you then the right to your body's safety gets taken away. at least, that's how i felt in middle school, i suppose. i still feel that now, just a bit, i can feel it. violent punishment, devaluing bodies. its abhorrent, so why do i feel these things?

i feel like theres conditions under which i deserve violence. i feel like i deserve violence. like it's the most natural thing in the world. i feel surprised, time and time again, to find evidence to the contrary. i feel like i deserved it all. i was told i deserved it all. i was told it makes sense and i guess, it still all makes sense in my mind. im still just a child, remembering it. it.

struggles no man could ever understand. struggles no adult could understand. no older brother. constant constant everything. starving. hitting myself. falling to the ground. metal baseball bats, porn, secret rooms. dents in my head, and screaming, always the screaming, it seems to follow me. selling my stuff apparently, pain medication. hospitals. seizures. gang violence. colonization. italy. knives. crying in closets, screaming in cars, in parking lots, in showers, in restaurants. threats of violence. real violence. scraps of love. long nothings. kissing ass. saying nothing. eating shit. never talking about myself or my life or my friends out of fear. threats of violence, always threats of violence. followed, sometimes, by real violence. control, obedience, long nothings. trophies. skirts. what is any of it worth, really? whys it ever a question? no one can ever seem to get over whats happened to them. and how could they? therapy costs money. im afraid of calling to even see if it costs money because im afraid of not having money]

and here i am wondering if i deserved all of it. of course i didnt.

god and magic, are they real? does a flow control us? if there isnt any god or magic, isnt there still god and magic? doesnt it feel like it? and if its a feeling, isnt it real, a phenomenon? like magic. just like magic. when something good happens for no reason. god and magic r probably just abstract feelings. the feeling that is tugging you along. what is tugging us along? no, really.

anyway.

opportunity, and they took it. their choice. fuck you for life

itd be nice for people to have more sympathies for these sorts of things, "women's" struggles. people victim to opportunities presented by the patriarchy. conditional violence. domestic violence. but it all fizzles away. and here i am, alone. really, really... lonely, sometimes. all the time. yeah, all the time. i think i might always be afraid of people. it just feels safer that way.

in other news, the surveillance state provides a promising new avenue for avant garde artists, ensuring every piece exposure to a pair of somethings hungry eyes. unless ai starts reviewing everything, i guess. then the surveillance state... reaches a yet colder avenue. oh well. im sure ai will pose its own insecurities.

[melonpeel]

i feel like ranting about my job, career choices etc so here goes.

I'm currently working part time as a graphic designer to help pay the bills (or "marketing assistant" if you go by the contract - but it's literally graphic design stuff)

i dont dislike my job. i enjoy being able to work in an area somewhat related to the arts. the hours are good and the pay is not bad either. my boss and coworkers are all nice enough.

but they all seem to have this misconception that i took on this job as an act of love. that i have goals to stay there a long time and grow in the industry etc. im not sure where that idea even came from since i was honest from the get go that: im an artist. im in art school, nearly graduating, and im not a famous artist by any means but I've been doing a pretty decent job at building my career so far. I've had some local exhibitions, fairs, etc. I have good connections. i have a solid recognizable style. i know what mediums and materials i prefer to work with, which specific fields I'd like to direct my work to, i honestly got all that boring stuff figured out ages ago.

i guess it's just frustrating having well intentioned people trying to "guide" (or mold, really) you into the right path to succeed in career A, when you have no interest in ever growing in that field whatsoever. i understand art is a tricky career choice and it doesnt hurt to have a plan B, but frankly, i can't imagine a world where my plan B is just "getting a full time job and a couple promotions in an industry I don't give 2 shits about"

it also throws me off a lot how me focusing mostly on working and not speaking about myself is seen as me being "shy and insecure" and not me clearly keeping my work and personal life separated. i understand not everyone agrees to this mentality and some people like forming genuine connections with their colleagues. alas, i have been and am going to be with the team for a very short time, and in the time I've been with them already, I've heard a lot of prejudice about the type of person i am (which they don't know). when you're a queer creative who doesn't stand by the traditional family bs, and you're living in a highly conservative city, you learn to shut the fuck up and tone down your whole being real fast.

sure it sucks. sure i wish i could be my genuine, non-quiet/passive self. but ive tried before, and every single time it ended with me being mistreated quite badly. so who wants to keep trying? its been one too many years and i simply dont have it in me anymore. yeah its killing me slowly. never did i think id go back in the closet, but thats how life is i guess.

at the end of the day: im poor. i have no family or support system. i am the kind of person some hate simply for existing. i am going to keep my distance. i am going to do what i have to so i can survive. i am going to be unhappy until the day im not.

[bisluthq]

Is Shawn gay for real? People joke about it all the time but I am serious. Before Camila, he never had a public gf and Hailey does not count that was not a real couple- more like situationship or hook up.

Apparently he used to date his prom date Lauren but I dont know if there is proof of that. He tweeted he used to have a secret gf in like 2017 for two years which could be a lie. Every other singer flaunts their gf or bf but he gives bearded vibes ngl. We know every male pop star women they claim and they are affectionate publicly to them.

That photo of Shawn from last summer with his guy friends who were all obviously girly pop is so funny. A straight man can be friends with a gay guy but that many of them...kinda sus

I heard some rumours so take it with a grain of salt, but I heard Shawn dad is homophobic...

bruh. Bruh. Shawn has BEGGED people not to discuss this so this discussion will genuinely be my 13th reason. He says it makes him uncomfy, that it makes him super self-conscious, and that as far as he knows he’s not gay lol (tho he’s also not homophobic and *is* an ally but some of his denials come off somewhat homophobic but ALSO just LEAVE HIM ALONE that’s all he’s asked for and then he wouldn’t have to issue weird sounding denials). Who KNOWS lol? Maybe Shawn himself doesn’t. But it’s super weird to speculate about something that personal when a person LITERALLY BEGS FANS not to. When a celeb - or fwiw a person you know - says “I am asking people very nicely not to discuss my sexuality” and you keep doing it that’s super messed up.

Now people who are soft closeted - like Richard Madden lol where super legitimate publications put “roommate” in inverted commas because he doesn’t want to publicly come out but he’s also not exactly doing anything to hide it - are fair game lol we can all have a chuckle about that. (Not at Richard so much but at people who don’t buy that he’s yk not straight even though he’s doing bugger all to hide it beyond saying “I’m not gonna publicly come out because it’s not your business” essentially like obvi everyone who knows Richard irl knows his “roommate” is his bf and anyone with two brain cells knows whichever flavor of the year it is is in fact his bf). When celebs signal before they publicly come out or just like to hint they’re open to it, also fair enough (like Rihanna has never said “I’m bi” but she’s made enough comments that obviously she’s at least somewhat into women). But if someone explicitly says “this makes me extremely uncomfortable, KINDLY stop doing this” idk why anyone would feel the need to keep going??

This is also my issue with even the softest Gaylors atp - she’s asked people to stop??? She says it makes her feel weird??? She hasn’t said it makes her feel as weird as Shawn said it made him feel but she’s also asked to like shut it down???? Which part’s not clicking???

Finally re public gfs idk lots of people in the public eye don’t want to date super publicly - some for sexuality reasons for sure, some because they tend to date more normies, some because like idk about y’all but I don’t hard launch every fucking thing I’m involved in so why would celebs? It’s imo sorta weird to go “well this person doesn’t post a bunch of flings on Insta and they don’t take dates to celeb hotspots and don’t date people as famous as them necessarily so ergo they don’t date anyone” yk? (Not saying that’s what you said because you did say PUBLIC gf but like my point is public is irrelevant bc we don’t know who they’re seeing outside of the sliver of their life that we are privy to).

Anyway, my personal rules are if a person says they don’t like that conversation, stop having it. Also don’t accuse people of queerbaiting because real people genuinely can’t lol? That’s a term created for shows and films and books that tease it to keep a gay audience with no intention of writing it into the plot. Don’t accuse people of being fake gay either because MANY OF US experiment and aren’t quite sure of exact labels and that’s okay too. Normalize just saying like… people are people and celebs are people. If labels make them happy, dope. Trust that they know that whichever one they’re using rn fits them best in their own head or at least is the best one for them to say out loud. Also remember that you’re allowed to change your labels. You’re allowed to experiment and try shit out on all sides of the equation. You’re allowed to have a preference but pepper in some other stuff lol. Idk man just let people vibe.

Gossiping about celeb mess is fun lol but gossiping about something that personal like… being gay/queer LABEL WISE or “are they closeted???” isn’t mess it’s a super personal thing and idk man. Like if you wanna say lol - with some evidence - “I heard Shawn kissed a boy at this party he went to lol” I’d be like “lmaooo what happened” but that’s got fuck all to do with his label/speculation about his identity then - that’d just be a fun rumor about him doing something a bit wild. It’s the speculation on identity that I have a problem with? I’ll add the one thing I’m even more hectic about tho is fertility speculation because there’s NO WAY that can be a fun rumor. Also serious psychiatric diagnoses like if you say someone is on the spectrum or has a personality disorder idk why that’d be a fun rumor. Gossiping about mess = funny. Gossiping about real deep shit like… isn’t fun or funny to me and shouldn’t be to anyone with a tad of empathy.

Fyi that’s also my rule for real life gossip. Hilarious to hear like my friend got drunk and made out with a bunch of people and like snorted ❄️ off someone’s tits or w/e. Not hilarious to be like “did u hear that couple is going for IVF but it’s not working” yk??? Just have idk empathy.

[sneppu]

(I've only just woke up and seen this so I apologise if I'm a bit incoherent!) thats fair enough, and I absolutely respect your opinion. Trust me, I do realize this ones a real rough one. Again, I am a nonwhite queer man who was HEAVILY bullied as a kid/teen. I know the weight of slurs, I do. My argument isnt that "mudblood is not a bige deal" its that "the word applies to snape, thus he can reclaim it" I realize this has the potential to be inflammatory, Slurs are a very contentious thing.

My argument also isnt that he was ok to use it in that one instance, or that him using it in a way clearly meant to be derogatory isnt yknow, still a very horrible and bad thing (it's still a slur being used AS a slur) that's not what I'm defending. I was moreso talking about just the word on its own. I do agree that the end Lily's and Severus's friendship was a long time coming, for a variety of reasons, with SWM being a culmination of that long decline as well. People compare Mudblood to a racial slur, and I can certainly see why; theres a genetic? aspect to it, bloodlines and all. but race tends to be a very visible thing. A racist sees you, sees that you look different, and can immediately other you and target you, without ever having to learn anything about you, and without being able to know anything other than the way you look, and for me, it's this that sets it apart from a word like mudblood. it's not this immediately visible unhideable aspect of yourself. In that way, I liken it more towards a slur like the F-slur, in the sense that its about something not immediately visible, where its possible to be closeted and avoid it that way (not that one should have to.)

My wording on Lily's tolerance of his use of The Word was probably bad but the way I see it is, Snape probably used it occasionally around her, and she likely was aware of it. Its not so much that she was "okay" with it, but she had been willing to stick around despite it, and the decline of their friendship. I'm not saying she didnt care, or that it didnt matter to her - I'm sure it bothered her greatly, as was absolutely her right. But still, she didnt break things off until the word was used on her specifically. I'm not sure what you were getting at with the rest of your paragraph here, but I do want to clarify that I literally agree with everything you've said here; I dont think the word alone was what made her end things, I absolutely think it was only the shock of him using it that way against her was that moment of realization, etc. That Said, you're right that Snapes circumstances are very different from Lily's. She's facing a war and all the violence that comes with it. I'm not saying the word is not bigoted, it IS. but context matters. If i went out and started calling my friends and family racial slurs, in that derogatory way thats still a slur. it doesnt matter that I'm also brown, this isnt using it in that reclaimed way, is it? Severus, having been radicalized into an extremist group, was also not using it in the reclaimed way THAT is still a bad thing, of course. My post wasnt about that, really, only that the my view, as a current day minority, Snape wouldve had access to the word.

I dont actually agree that Snape couldve just "stayed out of war and went on with his life" I dont think that was an option for him really, as he was quite literally surrounded by and scrutinized by these people while not even out of Hogwarts yet he was already in their radar, likely from the moment he was sorted. But at this point things enter headcanon territory - we just dont know enough about things. And I have always been the type to project onto my favorites (who knows, maybe thats where this all comes from in the first place) but being born and raised muggle, being half muggle, with an obvious muggle last name, in The Blood Purity house? I think he was absolutely called a mudblood, and I think they likely did treat him accordingly too. Being a pureblood's favorite little pet project (Lucius) doesnt make him any less other in their eyes, not really. Severus may have been radicalized, he may have tried to make himself useful and they may have allowed it but he would never be any less of a mudblood in their eyes. its the mere idea of a being tainted with muggles that the bigotry is about. that's why they go on and on about blood traitors so much. whether someones half muggle or fully muggleborn makes no difference to them. Racists arent sitting there having an interview and wondering "hmm, ahh but he's just the slightest shade lighter brown, see? he's alright then" they're saying "idk what u are but its different from us, and that's unacceptable"

Idk. I think the word applies to him. I think he can use it in general, if he wanted. I DONT think he can use it in the way that he did in SWM. that was not reclaiming a slur, that was just saying a slur with the intent to yknow, say a slur. The fact that this put him off of saying it afterwards, in the future after his character growth doesnt actually change that. A person can reclaim a slur and later decide they're uncomfortable with it stop using it once more. (And furthermore, its a ficional world with a fictional war, about fictional differences, and fictional slurs. with it being a particularly fantastical piece of fiction too. something match up with the real world, some dont. This is one of those things where things match up, but not quite right.)

thoughts about the whole mudblood thing

my hot take is that Severus Snape is simply allowed to use the word mudblood, tbh. He's allowed to use it, he's literally not only half muggle, but also born and raised in the muggle world. Literally the word applies to him. It's implied to be used for halfbloods too. Like. He just straight up has The M-Word Pass by default, because he literally Is The Thing In Question.

That said, as with any reclaimed slur, it is courtesy to not use it on/for people who have chosen not to reclaim it, and it is of course still a slur being used in a derogatory context when he used it during SWM, so ofc he is wrong for using it on Lily, and I'm not arguing that. I'm just saying that the word itself was always fine for him to use, even if crass, and I think given that Lily seemed more or less fine with / tolerant of him using it (apparently?) so long as it wasnt used for HER, seems to support this too.

basically, people get waaaay too hung up on the whole mudblood thing, and this is coming from a nonwhite guy of nebulous sexuality. lettuce say I have Experience with the subject lmao.

[nctsworld]

two nights, one you

✩‌ jaemin ‌x‌ ‌reader‌ ‌|‌ fuckboy!jaemin | strangers (who f*ck) to (brief) enemies to lovers | ‌10.9k 

SUMMARY‌ ‌⇾‌ a last-minute one night stand gone awry is extended into two nights when you’re snowed in at the cute (but rude) stranger’s apartment on christmas eve. [loosely based on the movie, two night stand] // part of the x-mas in ncity collection  GENRES ⇾ crack | smut | fluff  WARNINGS‌ ‌⇾‌ ‌lots of bickering and dialogue, smut, oral s*x (f and m receiving), fingering, mentions of alcohol/drinking, swearing, bit of angst before the end, jaemin’s an asshole... or is he? RATING‌ ‌⇾‌ explicit TAGLIST ⇾‌ @infnteen​ 

AUTHOR’S NOTE ⇾ it’s late (and long fsldkm), srysry but here it is! i hope the humour comes out in this and look away if falls flat zzz fingers crossed that i can finish the last two installments for this collection asap! 

⇾ gif created by me, please don’t repost or share without credit!

Maybe it’s because it’s the evening of Christmas Eve Eve and you’re feeling more lonely than usual.

Maybe it’s due to the two glasses of wine you guzzled down in the span of fifteen minutes that get you buzzed.

Maybe it’s your prominent six-month dry spell and you’re in desperate need for some much needed rain in your drought.    

Or maybe it’s just pure impulsiveness.

Regardless of the reasons, you’re aiming to get laid tonight.  

It’s 9:45pm as you make the rounds on Tinder. You’ve used it in the past, searching for a relationship in vain, but haven’t used it much since you broke up with your last partner. Bringing the app alive again, you’re already bombarded by distasteful messages, off-putting one-liners and jokes, and swiping left more than you’d like.

You haven’t had a one-night stand before, but isn’t there anyone on here that is just a little bit attractive, nearby where you are, around your age, and is somewhat chivalrous about the topic besides saying DTF? Maybe you need to lower your standards if you want to get dicked down tonight.

But then, you land on him.

One Na Jaemin, 20 years old, and only four miles away from you.

Scrolling through his profile pictures and Instagram feed, you assume that he’s into photography, is on the athletic side from the various hobbies he partakes in, and he must be at least half-aware of his beauty because there’s the occasional pic that shows off his lean, toned arms, which, if you can be frank, is more flattering than the shirtless ones you constantly see. Oh, and he attends the same university as you.

The cherry on top? His bio is simple and upfront:

“Not up for anything serious, but always down for a good time ;)”

You swipe right without hesitation.

“It’s a Match!” flashes instantly at you. Your mouth swings open in disbelief.  

Usually, you’d wait for your matches to message you and play hard-to-get, but not tonight. Tonight, you’re initiating and leading all the conversations, completely driven by your thirst.  

Messaging Jaemin is a breeze. He types with more than half a brain, and he flirts, but it isn’t overwhelming or repulsive. Segueing the current topic, you drag your bottom lip upward as you send the following message:  

so, hypothetically... if one were to have good time with you would tonight work?

Not even twenty seconds later and he replies with:

-wow, dont you go straight to the point -im impressed -but yeah -tonight works ;)

He’s quick to send his address.

-let me know when ur here and ill come get you out front!

Smacking your lips together, you squeal to yourself in the comfort of your home, excited to meet with him, but then a thought hangs over you—this feels a little too good to be true. Horrible scenarios run through your head, so your fingers dash across your phone’s keyboard:

tbh i haven’t really done this b4 so im kinda new to this is it ok if we video call or smth? gotta make sure you’re real and not a serial killer i’m sure you understand 😛

-for sure for sure -totally get it -ive had my fair share of fake girls and serial killers so i feel u 😛

Grateful for his consideration, you rush to rearrange your hair after you send him a Zoom link, hoping you look decent enough to not have him back off from his initial offer. He appears in the video call on his phone with the front-facing camera on a few seconds after you connect.

“Hi,” you chirp.

A corner of his mouth lifts. “Hey.”  

Okay, he’s definitely cuter in real-time than in his pictures.  

“You know, I’m not gonna lie, but I lowkey expected to see a dick or something,” you joke in an attempt to dispel your nervousness.  

“Same,” he chuckles, running a hand through his black hair.

Oh God, he’s not just cute—he’s devastatingly gorgeous.

“So, this is my place...”

Jaemin moves around with his apartment in the background, revealing his living room first. Envy prods you as you note the brick walls, high ceiling windows, and well-appointed furnishings.

Recalling his address, you ask, “How’d you get a place in the heart of the city?”

“Lucked out,” he shrugs. His phone shakes a bit as he’s still moving. “My friend slash roommate—who is at his girlfriend’s place tonight, so we have the place all to ourselves—his parents own the condo and they gave me a friend discount on the rent.”

He finally stands in one place and turns the light on to reveal a room. “And this is my bedroom.”

Nothing out of the ordinary. A desk table with a gaming set-up, in tow with a gamer chair, and a decently-sized bed beside a nightstand.

“Oh, and here’s my closet.” Jaemin’s on the move again as he opens his closet doors. “Just to make sure you don’t think I hide the skins of my past one-nighters in here.”

A bubbly laugh rises from you. “Okay, I didn’t think of that before, but now you’ve planted the seed in my head. Maybe you hide them in the other rooms.”

“Nah, my roommate would kill me if I did.”

Both of you laugh in unison, and you bob your head with puffed cheeks.  

“Okay, it all seems very promising. I’m going to get ready and I’ll guess I’ll see you in a bit, Jaemin.”

“Sounds good,” Jaemin nods, then winks. Although you’re sitting down, he’s still able to get you weak in the knees. “See you soon.”

You end the call and rush to bundle up for the snow starting to come down outside. A twenty-minute train ride later, you’re at the front door of a rustic, industrial apartment complex. After informing Jaemin you’re outside, you glance up at the snowflakes falling from the dark pink-grey sky, anticipating for what comes next.

Sex with a hot guy, what can go wrong?  

So, you must’ve jinxed it because the sex is...  

Unsatisfying. Finished faster than you’d like it to be. Sadly, overall disappointing. If you had to rate it, three out of five stars, at best.

But hey, he came, and you sort of did, and it wasn’t the worst sex you’ve ever had. It half-quenched your dry spell.

And enough happened that it tired you out, leaving you passed out in the handsome stranger’s bed until morning.

In the morning, your eyes slowly flicker, unused to the foreign, sweet scent engulfing you in your bed. Correction: Jaemin’s bed.

Your eyes flicker faster as you glance through the almost wall-sized window. The snow hasn’t let up from last night. On the contrary, it seems like it’s snowing non-stop. You groan at the thought of going home in this weather.

The bed is without Jaemin’s presence as you reach for your phone on the nightstand. 10:36AM and a few notifications greet you. You rub your eyes and start combing through them, rising upward to sit up on the bed.

“Morning. You’re finally up.”

Peering up from your device, Jaemin’s standing by the door with folded arms. His plain sweater and sweatpants match the colour of his hair. The dazzling smile he gives is so contagious, you’re not even conscious of catching one too.  

“Out you go.”

You blink.

Once, twice, and then you tilt your head as you stare blankly at him, uncertain if you heard him correctly.

After a few moments, because you’re not moving an inch, his smile dissipates and he cocks an eyebrow in expectancy. A serious expression rolls over his face.  

Suddenly, Jaemin strolls to the side of the bed and hitches his thumb towards the door.

You definitely heard him right.

And he’s dead-serious.

You replay the video call from last night, dissecting how you thought he was nice and funny and—

Realization dawns on you.

Why would you expect anything more from a two-faced fuck boy?

Still awestruck by the situation, you’re still solid as a statue, so Jaemin takes matters into his own hands and grasps you by your elbow, casually dragging you from his bed like he’s taking out the trash.  

“What the fuck?!” you screech.

“C’mon, let’s go. Out out.”

“My clothes, though!” you protest in the middle of the hallway. He sighs in frustration, scurries to the bedroom, and returns with a small pile in his arms, then continues to drag you to the front door.  

“Are you always this pleasant with your guests the morning after?” you rage, putting on the rest of your clothes by the door. “You don’t even have the decency to offer me tea or coffee?”

“This was a one-night stand, not a bed and breakfast, sunshine,” he says as he watches you put your shoes on. He’s folding his arms again and leaning against the wall, his attitude dripping with smug. If he wasn’t a stranger, you’d punch it off his face. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were new to this, huh?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means you’re a borderline virgin who needs to toodle-loo, get going and gone because you’re overstaying your welcome as we speak.”

Finishing putting on your coat, you’re fuming as your jaw hangs at the personal jab over your skills in bed. Jaemin swings the door open and shoves you through it.

“But I’ll admit, it was still nice having sex with you!” he chimes with a sickening grin and a hand on the door.  

“Aw, thanks asshole, wish I could say the same,” you sarcastically reply, resting a palm upon your chest.  

He scoffs. “From what I heard last night, I think I can confidently say that you had a great time.”

Flashbacks replay in your mind of your screaming fest from underneath him. Little did Jaemin actually know—

“You know, for someone who I assume has many one-night stands,” you spit with squinted eyes. “I’m surprised you can’t tell when girls fake it.”

You must’ve hit a sore spot because he grinds his teeth and you could almost see the steam coming out of his ears.

Oh yeah, you’re definitely the winner in this fight.

“Okay, you know what, Merry Christmas and fuck you. Have a great life!”

“Fuck you, dickface. Wishing you a miserable Christmas!”

With a bitter smile, you flip him off as he slams the door in your face.

Carrying a basket filled with dirty clothes, Jaemin’s on the way down to the laundry room in the basement of his apartment with his shoulder scrunched up, squeezing his phone to his ear.

“Bro, she had the audacity to say that I didn’t make her come when she was screaming my God damn ear off—”

As he steps down the short flight of stairs and passes by the foyer area by the main entrance to the building, he notices you’re still here.

“Shit, uh, Jeno,” he mumbles. “I’m gonna have to call you back.”

He stuffs his phone into the pocket of his sweats and calls out to you as he strides closer. “Are you resorting to stalking me by my front door now?”

With crossed arms, you peer over your shoulder, eyes full of bitterness.

“Like I wanna be anywhere near you right now,” you grumble. You jerk your head towards the thick, wooden door. “It’s jammed from the snow.”

The laundry carrier shakes his head and places the basket onto the floor. “A little snow never hurt anyone. You’re probably just too weak.”

Stepping aside and holding out an arm, you signal for him to give it a try.

Jaemin twists the handle and, lo and behold, it doesn’t open. His forehead crinkles as he tries again and again, using more force each time.

Glancing through one of the partially frosted windows adjacent to the sides of the door, he notices the snow has piled enormously high, almost to the height of his chest.

“Well, shit.”  

Reluctantly, Jaemin brings you back to his apartment. You’re technically his guest and if he left you in the foyer to freeze, trouble would surely come his way, whether it be in the form of his landlords (also known as his roommate’s parents) or the police.

Without a word, he settles a spoon in a bowl, a carton of milk, and a box of cereal onto the small kitchen table.

At first, you stare at it venomously in rejection, thinking you can easily last a day without any hand-outs from this son of a bitch, but your stomach roars ferociously three seconds later.

As you chew across from him, you enjoy the company of your phone over him, while he does the same but with a cup of coffee in hand.

After finishing your food, you adamantly place your phone down and lean back into the chair, boring holes into his head.

“Why are you such an asshole?” you seethe observantly.

“Why are you such a bitch?” he retorts, not pulling his gaze away from his phone.

“Because you started it,” you say slowly, stating the obvious.

“No, you.”

You sigh defeatedly at his childish behaviour. The weather apps predict the snow will (hopefully) die down by tomorrow morning, thus you’re officially stuck with him for the next twenty-four hours or so. Your hands rake through your hair.

“Whether we like it or not, the snow isn’t going away until tomorrow. Merry Christmas Eve to us, I guess.”

He’s still glued to his phone. You exhale another sigh.

“Since we’re not getting out of this until then, can we just...” You soften your voice. “Start over?”

His eyes are still on the screen, but from the way his shoulders tense and how he stops scrolling, you know he’s considering your proposition.

“At least call a stalemate over this.” You drift your hand in the air, gesturing between you and him.

Blowing out air and shaking his head, he rests his phone onto the table.

“Fine.”

He crosses his arms, imitating you, and the two of you sit there, staring at each other in a long silence.  

One minute, to be exact.

You’re the one to break the silence game by running your hands over your face, letting out a hybrid of a groan and laugh.

“God, the fact that we had sex makes this kinda awkward, huh?”

Jaemin’s exterior melts slightly, letting out a snicker. He shrugs, “Then let’s just pretend that we didn’t have sex.”

“We can’t just pretend that we didn’t have sex,” you say, holding two upturned palms near your face.

“We did it, it’s done. I’ve seen your penis, you kicked me out, and you labelled me a prude—” You dart a finger towards him. “—which I am far from, by the way. All of those are pretty huge things.”

One of the corners of his mouth raises high. “Are you saying my penis is huge?”

“No, the implication of said penis is huge. Wipe that smirk off your face.”

He stretches an arm, holding an imaginary microphone to your face. “Do you deny that my penis is huge?”

Rolling your eyes, you swat his fist away. “What am I, on trial here?”

“Do you plead the fifth then?”

Annoyed, you roll your eyes again. Why do you get the feeling that you’re probably going to be doing this a lot more today? Another feeling tells you that if you don’t answer his question, he’ll probably pester you until you do.

You tilt your head side to side. “It’s... decently sized.”

“Bigger or smaller than average?”

“Perfect...” His eyes light up. “...ly average.” And a frown rolls over.

He squints his eyes accusingly at your sneer. “Are you lying like you did before about faking it?”

You scoff. “I wasn’t lying about faking it, and I’m not lying now about your average sized dick.”

Jaemin releases a disgruntled grumble and lifts his cup to his face. You notice he likes to take his coffee black and bitter, presumably like his heart.

“So, Miss I’m-Not-A-Prude-and-I’ve-Definitely-Had-Sex-Before.” His eyebrows perk up on the word definitely. “What’s your story? Why the last minute one-night stand?”

Shrugging your shoulders to your ears, you reply, “Haven’t had sex in a while.”

“When’s the last time you had sex?” he asks mid-sip.

“Half a year ago,” you respond nonchalantly, perching your chin into your palms.

Jaemin immediately chokes, almost spraying the coffee through his nose.

“Half a year?!” he gasps. It takes him a few hits to his chest to dispel the coughing. “Six months?!”

“Wow, you can count!” you exclaim in a condescending tone. You change the position of your hands so that your chin is now atop of the back of your curled fingers and tilt your head. “Can you also spell?”

“As a premed student, I can assure you that I am capable of doing both,” he says with a slight strain due to the coughing fit. The humble brag brings on another eye roll. Of course he’s a premed student with the attitude he wears.

“It’s just—” He clears his throat and swallows the last bit of coffee stuck in his windpipe. “—The last time I had a dry spell was for like, a month, tops.”

So the fuckboy gets laid way more on the daily than you expect. You’re torn between being envious over how much action he gets in comparison to you, or remorseful, since you’re now just one of the many notches on his bedpost.

No matter, sarcasm is always the best defence mechanism.

“Good for you, Jaemin. I’m sure you’re very proud of that.”

There’s an awkward beat. His head hangs for a moment while his thumbs stroke the sides of his cup. A strange pinch of guilt occurs. Did you overstep an unspoken line? But then he drags himself back to reality in a heartbeat.

Jaemin brings the cup to his mouth again, mumbling, “At least the sex on your part makes more sense now; you’re rusty as fuck.”

Completely aware of what he said, you trash your guilt entirely and narrow your eyes. “What did you just say?”

Following a long sip, he hums, “Mmm, nothing.” Soon after, he stands up with his cup.

“I’m gonna go game now. Feel free to watch Netflix on the TV and stay in the living room.”

As if you had anywhere else to go...  

He begins to walk towards his room as you mutter under your breath, “I’m not a dog.”

“Says the bitch,” he pipes up, taking you by surprise.  

“Thought we had a stalemate?!” you shout, leaning your head forward as you watch him entering his room.  

“Doesn’t mean we’re on peaceful terms!” he sing-shouts.

The flinging of the closed door echoes throughout the apartment.

Regret surges through you. You just had to choose a fuckboy fluent in assholery and end up incidentally being isolated with him during a snow storm on Christmas Eve.

You wonder if you can handle being around him for the next twenty-four hours without killing him first.

During the afternoon, you’re on the living room couch, playing a show as mostly background noise while you’re on your phone. At one point, your phone unsurprisingly begins to die and you tread over to Jaemin’s door to ask for a charger and if you can also take a shower. He’s still annoyed by your existence, but at least he hands you a charger and lets you know where the extra towels are.

Stepping into the living room with the towel in your hand as you dry your hair off, you peer out the large living room window and see nothing but white engulfing the streets and buildings as far as the eye can see.

You pray the snow will eventually stop as soon as possible so you can head back home.

By the middle of the afternoon, Jaemin emerges from his bedroom and shocks you by plopping down on the opposite end of the living room couch from where you’re sitting.

“Bored?” you ask, eyes fixated on the TV screen.

“Nope,” he replies, popping the p as he says it. His slings his arm around the top of the couch.

“Gotta keep an eye on you in case you do something.” Turning away from the screen, he faces you and motions circles with his hand. “You’ve got a little crazy in you, I can feel it.”

You quickly glance over at him, but try to refocus on the TV. “Need I remind you that you’re the crazy one, dragging me out of the apartment right as I woke up.”

That compels him to turn his whole body towards you. “Well, you’re the one who wanted a last-minute one-night stand.”

You match his stance. “As if I’m the first girl in your bed to stay in the morning?”

“Actually, yeah.” He aggressively tilts his head to one side. “Most girls leave before I even get up. The other percentage don’t fight me when I ask for them to go, so it looks like you’re the odd one out.”  

You press your lips together, refusing to admit that maybe he has a point, under the assumption that he’s telling the truth.

Jaemin twists his body back to the screen and adds, “I make it very clear on my profile that I don’t do morning afters, sweetheart.”

And you agree that his profile is clear about his intentions, but that doesn’t mean you can condone his shitty behaviour.

“Well, sorry that I expected just an ounce of respect instead of getting kicked to the curb after you stuck your dick in me,” you grumble, shifting back to the show and crossing your arms.

“Morning afters lead to attachments, and attachments lead to feelings, and feelings lead to relationships,” he says the string of words clinically, as if it’s a mantra that he lives by.

Your eyebrows knit together as you whip your head towards him once more, studying him.

“And what’s so wrong with that?”

Deliberately averting your gaze, Jaemin grates his tongue between his teeth, a slight tsk audibly heard, and his chin juts out. There’s definitely a story behind his ways. He huffs and changes the subject.  

“Seriously?” He holds a hand out. “You’re watching this trashy show?”

Squinting your eyes at him, you could probably interrogate him further, but you decide otherwise.  

“It may be trashy,” you concur, looking at the TV. “But it’s my trashy comfort show.”

Following an over-the-top acted out scene between the show’s main love interests, Jaemin shoots up from the couch.

“Yeah, no, I can’t handle this. Can we either put on something else or game or something?”

“Why don’t you go back to your room to game, Mr. I’m-Not-Bored?”

“Like I said, I gotta keep an eye on you,” he says while bending over in front of the TV, already setting up the Playstation. He tosses you a controller as he strides to his side of the couch again.

He mumbles to himself, “Need to make sure you don’t go crazy from the lack of human interaction.”

Either Jaemin is selfish and only looking out for himself, or he wants to make sure you’re not feeling lonely in a stranger’s home.

Likely the first reason, you deduce—because why would a guy like Jaemin care about a mere one-night stand?

Admittedly, you’re not the best at games, especially at fighting ones. You can comprehend the move lists, but you like to live by button smashing the controller and repeating moves over and over.  

So it’s hilarious when you beat Jaemin every round with your surprisingly fruitful technique.

“Okay, this is bullshit,” Jaemin complains, sticking his tongue out in irritation. His ass is currently being handed to him on a plate again since you’re almost done killing his character off. “You must be lying to me; you have to be a pro player or some shit.”

Jaemin’s health bar is dangerously low as your character jabs his with a sword. He winces out loud and you snicker.

“Why do you think I always lie about everything?! Dude, you have serious trust issues,” you joke before you steal the opportunity to slice his character. One more hit and he’s done for.

“I do not! I just—nooo!”

You rise to your feet and pump your arms in the air, turning in circles in joy over yet another win.

Sulking, Jaemin eyes your little dance from his end on the couch, but as he watches you more, a feeling balloons in his chest. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Finally coming down from your post-win high, you spot an emerging grin from the corner of your eye, making you pause.    

“What?” you eye him suspiciously.

Your suspicion pops the sensation in his chest and, like a fish out of water, his eyes widen and his grin melts away.

“Nothing, uhm.” He ruffles his eyebrows and palms the back of his neck, quickly facing the TV. “Let’s go one more round and then we can switch to another game—”

Suddenly, the TV and surrounding lights switch off. Both of you waver your eyes, anticipating for them to come back on, but they unfortunately don’t.  

Jaemin rushes over to the window. When he swivels his head towards you, his face darkens.

“Looks like it’s at least the whole block. The streetlights are out too.”

Without another word, he dashes to the linen closet and brings back several blankets. He calmly explains that there won’t be heat since it’s connected to the electricity, so it’d be best to keep warm with the extra layers.

Not wanting to scare you, he doesn’t add the fact that due to the huge windows in the apartment, more unnecessary cold air will come in, but you’re already cognizant of it from your own logic and since the remaining heat dissolves rapidly.

You groan and retreat into the massive blanket over your shoulders, turtling your head.

You can’t believe you’re going to fucking die in this asshole’s apartment on Christmas Eve.

On the ends of the couch in your makeshift blanket jackets, both of you attend to your phones for a while.

From what people and the news outlets are saying, it’s not just the block, but the whole city grid is out. You frantically text your friends, giving updates on how you are and half-jokingly telling them that you’re going to die with your dreadful one-night stand. Some time passes and Jaemin tosses his phone  off to one side.  

“Well, since there’s nothing else to do and we should probably conserve our phone batteries—” You glance up at him from your phone and pout. Slowly nodding in agreement, you toss it aside too. “—why don’t we play a game of ‘I’ll-Give-You-Pointers-on-How-to-be-Better-in-Bed’?”

A smile burgeons on his irritatingly handsome face and your eyes roll. At this point, you wonder if the reaction is conditioned into you. “It’ll be my early Christmas gift to you.”

“Wow, so thoughtful, how could I ever thank you?” You drag the blanket closer to your chest in false gratitude.

You think for a serious moment if you really want to go through with this. Hearing Jaemin run his mouth on you unwarranted is already painful, but to give him the go-ahead to do so? Especially criticizing your skills in bed?  

You blow out a sigh, noting the slightly visible cloud. You’re grateful Jaemin has thick, downy blankets.  

Well, if you’re going to die, may as well know what went wrong, right?

“Fine, but if we’re playing this game, we have to say everything honestly and take the criticism we get.” You point a stern finger. “No rebuttals, just acceptance.”

“Wait.” Jaemin crinkles his face in genuine confusion as his hand peeks out from his blanket.

“You have things to criticize about me in bed?”

Your lips tremble before you burst into laughter. Displeasure is on Jaemin’s tight-lipped face as you laugh for a while, almost keeling over in your blanket ball onto the hardwood floor. “How conceited are you, oh, my fucking God?”

He slices his hand through the air. “I’ve never had any complaints—”

“Because you’re too busy focusing on your own orgasm, you selfish dickwad,” you say as your laughter dies down.  

He sits in his snit for a few more moments until he gets over it.

“Fine, fine,” he huffs. Jaemin knows he’s not going to enjoy this, but he’s the one who suggested it. He can’t back out now. “Let’s just get this over with, you go first.”

With your blanket held by your chest, you hop off your end of the couch and shuffle over in front of him where he’s seated. Beaming, you begin.

“Let’s start with foreplay.” Jaemin’s eyes light up with confidence, thinking he’s at least decent with that. You crush his expression as your lips purse and you shake your head.

“Non-existent.”

“What do you mean?! I kissed you as you took off your clothes.”

You stick your free hand out from your blanket, extending your index finger.

“One: you only kissed my lips. You know, there are other parts of me to kiss, like, I don’t know, my neck, my arms, my shoulders.”

You extend another finger. “And, two: it’s weird to not help someone take off their clothes. Like you’re in a super rush to get somewhere or something—”

“We’re fucking!” he cuts in sharply. “This is a one-night stand, not a relationship.”

Closing your eyes and dropping your head, you pinch the bridge of your nose. You sigh in exaggeration.

“Thought we agreed no rebuttals...” you softly sing-say.  

Jaemin’s head sinks a little into his blanket. “Sorry.”

Removing your hand, you shrug. “Maybe there’s some rule that I don’t know about one-night stands, so this could be on me.”

You start to aimlessly tread back and forth in front of him, dragging the blanket along too. “But fuck, foreplay is foreplay for a reason. You work your way up to the heat of the moment and it makes sex much better, regardless if you’re in a relationship with the person or not.”

“Next point.” You stop walking and direct your focus on him. Pointing your finger and looking him dead in the eye, you ask, “Do you know what a vagina is?”

He snorts with a simper. “Uhhh, is this a rhetorical question?”

“No, I’m legit asking,” you say with a raised eyebrow and snarky smile. “Because when you went down on me, all you flicked your tongue at was the outside of it, also called the labia if you didn’t know.”

“I’m premed, of course I—”

“Which is great! But you didn’t go any deeper nor did you go near my clit.”

You thrust your finger again. “Do you also know what that is?”

“Yes...” he groans with the flickering eyelids.

You swipe your arm through the air. “Maybe make use of it, and not only when you go down on girls. Even during sex, touching it is great.”

“And lastly,” you continue. “I’ll be honest here, you have a decent dick.”

Jaemin waggles his finger. “So you were lying before—”

“I wasn’t lying,” you retort firmly. “But anyways, you’ve got the stuff, but why don’t you put it to better use?”

With the following words, you attempt to gesture with your body and execute moves as graphic visuals. Jaemin giggles at the sight.

“Vary the speeds and the angle, don’t just slam it in me and go crazy fast from the get-go. Build up to the climax. Jesus, I couldn’t even get close to coming because you’re like a jackhammer from start to finish.”

When you finally finish, Jaemin’s giggles morph into hollow laughs. Frustration is blatant on your face, pondering if he even absorbed a single word you said.  

After he calms down, he asks, “Are you done?”

You mumble, “Yeah, I think so.”

The two of you switch places. He shuffles onto his feet with his blanket while you sit back on the couch.

Jaemin pulls the blanket across the floor as he ambles. “Okay, your head game is decent—”

“Excuse you, my head game is strong.”

“Uh-uh, rebuttal,” he points out.  

You sigh. Pinching your fingers together, you drag the invisible zipper across your mouth, then wave your hand, allowing him to resume.

“Your head game is decent. You definitely can deepthroat, but—” He mirrors you from before and extends his index finger.

“One: this happened only a few times, but your teeth scraped against my dick, which is why I assumed you were a borderline virgin.”

You fume silently at the accusation, attempting to not speak up with a heap of rebuttals. But he wasn’t wrong—if you teethed on his dick, that’s a classic virgin move.

“But that’s okay, because we already established that you’re just rusty.” Jaemin flashes you a fake comforting smile as he continues to pace. You flash him one back.

“And two—” He holds another finger out. “Don’t be scared to use your hands and stroke me. Give my dick some love. If it’s too wet, just wipe your hands on the bed or something.”

“Okay, duly noted,” you hum. “Next.”

“Don’t be scared to touch me.”

“I touched you so much during—”

He shoots you a glare. You roll your mouth inward, your lips disappearing instantly.

“Your hands were mostly on the sheets, which is hot, but guys like to be felt up too.”

The attractive individual peers up for a second, thinking to himself. “Even hotter when a girl feels herself up during the fucking, but that’s beside the point. Baby steps, just remember to touch the other person.”

Jaemin does a full-stop and faces you.

“And just... don’t fake it.” Distress is evident in his pout. You hate to admit it, but it’s a little cute. He raises an arm and jerks it in the air. “Why do girls fake it?”

“Because guys with egos like you can’t handle criticism,” you reply bluntly.  

“What are we doing, having this conversation, hm?”

“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if it didn’t snow in and keep us here together.” You peel a hand away and gesture to the window. “If I walked out of here this morning, you would’ve just fucked the next girl the same.”

He defends himself, “Faking it just feeds our egos.”

“Yeah, well, if I told you afterwards that I didn’t come, what would you do?”

“Try to make you come in other ways?”

Shaking your head, you scoff. “Guys like you aren’t that considerate.”

“You’re right.” He assents, holding his pointer finger against his chest. “Because guys like me aim to please.”

A brilliant thought leaps in his mind and Jaemin gasps. You can only assume bad things from the wicked smile he sends your way.  

“Why don’t we try it again?”

Perplexed, you squint at him.

“Try what again...?”

“Sex,” he says enthusiastically.

You blankly stare at him.

“You’ve gotta be joking,” you deadpan.

“I mean, there’s nothing else to do and it’ll keep us warm.” 

You continue to stare at him until you groan.

“Oh, my God...” Your blanket droops a bit off your shoulders as you drag your palms across your face. “I cannot believe I’m stuck in this snowstorm with you out of all people...”

Sitting next to you, Jaemin persistently reasons with you. “Think of it also as another learning experience for the future partners we’ll have.”

“Yeah, if we don’t die first!” you shriek.

“We’re not going to die,” Jaemin replies in a mocking tone and a dart of his tongue.  

Outside the window, the snow seems to have slowed down, but not by much.  

God, Jaemin better be fucking right because you want to live to see another day.  

“Fine,” you mutter and match his gaze. “But we have to be vocal throughout the whole thing. Say whatever’s on our mind.”

“Fine,” he agrees to your terms. He produces the same wicked smile again. “But can we film it then? So we can study it after?”

You fire him a death glare that melts his face off, even in the frigid atmosphere.

“I’m joking, I’m joking,” he says, waving his hand.

They say that jokes are half-meant true, but you think Jaemin fully meant it. Still in your blanket jackets, Jaemin snags your free hand and leads you to his room.

“You gotta give me credit for trying, though.”

“No.” You shake your head with an unwilling smile creeping on the edge of your lips. On second thought, maybe the joke was a little funny, but you still stand by your opinion that he’s the most annoying person in the world. “I don’t think I will.”

“Thank God Chenle has so many scented candles...”

On the edge of Jaemin’s bed, huddled by the blanket, you watch him light up several large jars, placing them on his nightstand and desk in hopes to brighten the room. It’s already late afternoon, but one could mistaken it for nighttime with the muddy sky due to the snow.

“Is Chenle your roommate?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin answers with a slight shiver, igniting the last candle near the bedside. He removed his blanket when he went to nab the matches and candles. “His girlfriend gets free ones from work, so she always gives him a shit ton, even though he never uses them.”

With a glowing hue against his face, he blows out the match. He makes his way to you, a cocky grin plastered on him, as he says, “Guess we’re making use of them now, though.”

Before you can even respond, Jaemin gets right down to business—sitting beside you on the mattress, he palms your face and drags you in for a kiss. You softly yelp, but immediately reciprocate.

The cover falls off your body as you reach to touch him, fingers drifting over his solid arms.

You don’t want to stroke his large ego, and maybe it’s because you haven’t had anyone else on you in a while, but Jaemin’s kisses are something else.

The cushiony pair of lips always executes enough pressure against your mouth, increasing and decreasing on command in perfect tandem and timing. His hands hover over your waist and the nape of your neck, fingers sinking into your hot skin.  

His mouth trails downward the side of your neck. You crane your head back, indulging in his caresses as soft moans trickle out.

He gently signals for you to recline back and lay onto the mattress, moving the sea of blankets aside. Inclined on his elbow, almost atop of you, his cool fingers glide under your top layers, his thumb stroking against your stomach.

Pulling away from your body, he tugs on the ends of your clothes. You rise from the bed to better the angle for him to discard of them.

The hairs on your skin are standing on end from the frigid air, but you’re too focused on Jaemin’s mouth migrating over your upper arm and your bra-covered chest to care. Without notice, he stuffs a cup of the bra to one side and takes your bosom into his mouth.

Air’s seized from your lungs and your core contracts from the pleasure. Your fingers tug on Jaemin’s luscious locks and his free hand squeezes your unoccupied breast.    

After a few twirls of his tongue and a gentle drawing of his teeth on the pointed tip, he mumbles hotly into your chest while he thumbs your other nipple, “Foreplay still non-existent?”

“It’s better, I guess,” you sigh with fluttering eyes. His chuckling reverberates against your cleavage, a sign of amusement from your obstinacy. A gasp pierces the room as Jaemin repeats his actions onto the other breast.

He aids you in taking off the rest of your clothes and, obviously aware of your goosebumps and shuddering, tells you to get underneath the blankets while he strips himself.

Under the toasty ocean of layers, despite how both of you are bare-boned and how easy it is to jump into the main act, Jaemin purposefully continues to prolong the foreplay. Side by side, your lips meld endlessly; your legs and hands are intertwined in an amorous pretzel.

Jaemin ensures he doesn’t leave any part of you untouched—the pads of fingers virtually graze over every inch of your body. Each grip and drag of his digits sends you in a frenzy. Your chest is pressed into him and your eyes are blinded with desire.

In the back of your mind, you think about how you were right about foreplay working up to the heat of the moment—literally, because you’re dripping, he’s hard, and you two have embraced so much that you don’t need the blankets anymore.  

On the other hand, you wonder if Jaemin was right about skipping foreplay, because with every whisper of each other’s name, the intimacy rises immensely. You don’t know him, and neither him with you, but you’re both freely drowning in one another in a plane beyond the lust.

Although the room’s beginning to smell of a mix of all the scented candles, Jaemin hones in and drinks in your sweet aroma and your entirety behind his hazy eyes and already tousled hair. All of a sudden, one drag of his fingers over a particular sensitive spot on your body makes you giggle.

“I’m ticklish over there.”

“You mean right—” He drums his fingers over the area again. “—here?”

With a toothy grin, he generates more suffering from you and you begin to lively howl. Soon enough, you beg him to stop.

“You’re such an asshat, c’mon, let me live!”

When he ceases, his head hangs over yours and your gazes connect.

The same feeling blooms in his chest from before in the living room.

He gulps as his eyes waver over your face, unknowingly tracing your beautiful features and etching them into his memory.

Your starry eyes. Your glowing aura. Your everything.

You barely register the change in his expression because he quickly tramples on his moment of weakness by kissing you passionately.

Jaemin whips the blankets aside as he lowers himself between your legs. Your eyes are fixated on him, matching his stare, until he starts to devour you by swiping against your lustrous folds. Your back bows, and, following a few more licks, Jaemin makes a point of his knowledge of the vagina by spreading your lips and ravishing your pussy, tongue penetrating deeply.

Rippled moans release in harmony with your undulating chest. You swear you’re getting more wet, too wet, likely making it overwhelming for Jaemin, but he’s eagerly lapping every drop up.  

“How’s that?” he inquires with a grin, hovering over your trembling nether lips. His mouth is evidently glossy, even under the dim lighting.

“Good,” you pant in the most nonchalant tone you can muster up. “Very good-ahhh—”

Jaemin kindly interrupts you by tonguing your clit as he fingers your sex deeply, shattering your fake indifference.

“Move your tongue up more,” you direct, creasing your eyebrows in despair. He follows your direction, and droning moans ensue.

Jaemin’s immersed in your pleasure, but also adding to his own. The more he laps up your wetness, the more he grinds his length against the bed, aching to be inside of you.

Your desire pulses faster, contracting tighter against his fingers, body winding tensely by the second.

“Fuck, Jaemin,” you whine, leaning your head to one side with a parted mouth. “I’m close.”

He draws back and temporarily replaces his tongue with his thumb.

“Good,” he pants, cocking his head to one side. His eyes are filled with determination. “Because I’m not stopping until you come at least two more times tonight.”

You exhale a light laugh. “That’s ambiti-ohgodohgod—”

His tongue works wonders on your clit once more, so much that he has to brace your bucking hips.

Okay, maybe Jaemin did learn a thing or two and actually listened to what you said during your critique.

But now it’s time to demonstrate to him what you’ve learned.

You don’t need much of a break to catch your breath, nor do you want to immediately freeze due to inactivity, so you pull Jaemin in for an intense kiss, tongue dipping into the remnants of your own nectar, then beckon for him to take your former place on the bed.

Perched on the bottom of your feet, you’re on one side of Jaemin, lackadaisically fisting his prominence. After a few strokes, you gradually swallow his inches, keeping in mind to relax your jaw and to not rush in order to avoid any potential teething. You do this to prove yourself worthy of giving head, but also in spite, because you absolutely do not need Jaemin to brand you a virgin again.  

You read his quiet groans and his long fingers running lazily through your hair as a positive sign and advance further.

Carefully, you rest your tongue beneath the underside of his cock and bob your head, licking him until he’s sopping with your saliva. His grip in your hair grows in strength as his length reaches the end of your throat, his groans becoming more and more drawn-out.

A needy whimper leaves him as you suddenly withdraw. Dribbles of your spit follow, and you wipe it off with the back of your hand.  

“How am I doing?” you glow in a pant, lazily stroking the doused shaft.

He simply nods with half-lidded eyes, barely able to look at you. “Yeah.”

You snicker at him in his breathless position, a prickle of pride running through your spine over the fact that you blew his mind as much as you blew his dick.

“Use your words, Jaemin.”

Teasingly, your fingers curl around his blunt head, soothing the sensitive tip and sending jolts throughout him.

“Fuck—” he pulls his bottom lip upward. “Awesome. You’re doing awesome.”

“Anything to critique?”

“Mm-mm,” he shakes his head restlessly. You revel a bit more in having the upper hand on him a little while longer. You grip him tighter and hasten your speed, leaving him gasping for air.

“Am I still rusty?”

“Nope, nope,” he croaks, voice rising to a whine. “Definitely not rusty.”

“You sure?” His cockiness has transferred over to you.

“Yes, yes—fuck, slow down, please,” Jaemin begs.    

Granting his wish, you abate your rhythm and free his inches from your touch.

You wipe your hands on the sides of the bed while Jaemin rummages through the drawer of his nightstand and hastily rolls over the rubber over himself before he prepares to enter the body beneath his.  

Recalling your advice, Jaemin mindfully starts off slow. You sigh blissfully in sync to his thrusts. He adjust himself, attempting another angle, and you draw in air between your teeth.

“There, there—“

Jaemin’s quick-witted and keeps at it, plunging a bit more vigorously. Out of habit, your hands grasp onto the bedsheets, but you wittingly attach them to his frame. Hands grazing his neck, his firm pecs, and his taut muscles.  

“Touch-touch my stomach,” he orders in a hush.

You hands follow through and feel up the flexed valley of his abs. Feeling up evolves into desperate gripping and even the slight dragging of your nails.

“Your abs are so fucking hot,” you state thoughtlessly, eyes eating up the view alongside his cock disappearing in and out of you. “Jesus, fuck.”

“Yeah?” he rasps with that devilish smirk of his. God, you want to smack it off him, but not right now—not when you’re reaching euphoria. “You’re not just saying that?”

Oh, you’ve definitely stroked his ego now, but there’s no turning back. Truth spills from you on a whim.

“You’re a fucking masterpiece,” you gasp acutely.

You’re starting to wither away, yet, as if they have a life of their own, your hands drift away from him and find a new home atop your breasts.

“You make me feel so good, Jaemin...”

Jaemin’s eyes go wide. His mouth hangs at the lewdness of you touching yourself.

“Fuck, holy shit.”

His gaze doesn’t leave your ecstatic face or humming body for a second as you knead your breasts and tweak your nipples between your fingers. Your back arches further when Jaemin deepens his sweet, fulfilling thrusts. He’s holding himself back, not wanting to end this beautiful deed just yet.

The stimulation bursts over your body, both from your own doing and Jaemin’s.  

You plead, “Faster, please, faster.”

And he complies, but he also rubs your bundle of nerves, causing a tight knot in you to build up and your shallow moans transform into heavy screams. You clasp onto his back and claw at the protruding shoulder blades.  

“I’m-I’m—”

You clench, both with your core and your nails digging into him, but Jaemin’s unrelenting, capturing your second peak for the evening.

Instead of coming after you, he shockingly veers lower and closer to you and curbs his pace.

“Was that real?”

You respond with an exhausted nod. Oddly, the smile he shows this time isn’t arrogant, but warm and teetering the line of tenderness. His lips fuse with yours before they stray towards your neck. The passion stews as he sucks your tits, all the while lunging laxly into you.  

With an obscene pop!, Jaemin removes himself from your nubs.

“Ready for the last round?”

His fast thrusts, hitting you precisely in the best spot, cloud your already weakened logic, deterring you from making any response.    

Perspiration is blatant on both individuals. For him, his forehead glistens gorgeously with his damp hair. For you, the back of your bent knees are gluing together. Your bodies are about to pass out, but you both persevere until the end.

As you convulse and perish together in beautiful agony, coincidentally enough, the bulbs in the room and in the streets leap to radiance.

Together, you collapse onto the bed side by side, panting heavily and laughing.

“Told you we weren’t going to die.”

You turn your head to see Jaemin looking at you with a cheeky grin. In retaliation, you stick your tongue out.

By nighttime, it’s finally stopped snowing outside. However, the streets won’t be cleared until morning, at the very least.

But... you’re surprisingly okay with that.

In a turn of events, the sex inexplicably makes the two of you warm up to each other. There still is targeted banter and tension between you, lingering from before, but it’s less hostile and more playful.

During a fancy Christmas Eve dinner of microwavable pizzas, you poke fun at each other’s majors and discuss your respective hobbies in depth, especially his love for photography. Jaemin even asks if he can take a picture of you, claiming that the kitchen lighting actually looks nice on someone for once.  

“Is that how you collect the memory of your one-night stands? Instead of hanging their skins in your closet, you sweet-talk your way and keep all the photos of them?” you joke, referring to the video call from yesterday night. It feels like an eternity ago, but snowstorms tend to do that.

He chuckles behind the camera as he snaps a photo of you scrunching your face cutely.

“Yeah, but you’re the first one who has clothes on,” he says, glancing down at the photo on the camera roll.  

“Ugh, gross,” you cringe and take a sip of tea.

Jaemin doesn’t add anything further. He leaves out the fact that he never keeps any traces of his one-night stands, that you’re the first girl he’s taken a picture of in a while.  

After a few hours of more talking and even some gaming with one another, sleep is much needed. Jaemin offers an extra toothbrush and a sweater and pair of sweats to sleep in. You’re facing each other on his bed, noses almost touching.  

“It’s been a while since I haven’t had sex with a girl before I slept next to them,” he whispers, adjusting himself comfortably. The side of his face rests on his piled hands. “It’s kinda nice.”

You cover your mouth as you yawn, then lay your hand back under your head, reflecting the same position as Jaemin.

“You know, it might be my sleepiness talking, but maybe you’re not the worst person in the world to be stuck with during a snowstorm.”

A lovely chuckle echoes in your ear. “I’m glad you’ve had a change of heart.”

After a few moments, your eyes are fluttering to a close until he softly calls out your name.

“Hm?” you stir awake, but not by much.

“Do you...?”

Jaemin doesn’t know what’s gotten to him, doesn’t quite understand why the defences he built for so long are crumbling down in only a day of knowing you.  

And yet, something urges him to give it a chance.

Blowing out a shaky sigh, he anxiously intertwines his fingers with yours. You hum softly at the action and a small smile blooms on your face.

“Do you want to go on a date with me sometime?”

“Hm?” His question doesn’t take you aback as much as you would be if you were fully awake. But even in your drowsy state, you have quips in hand. “Jaemin, the notorious fuckboy and serial one-night stander, wants to go on a date?”

“Yeah,” he replies gently, brushing your loose hair out of your face.

Another yawn. “I thought you said you don’t want feelings and relationships and all that shit.”

His fingers trace your pretty jawline and shrugs. “One date doesn’t mean we’re going to be in a relationship, I’m sure you know that.”

You pause for a good two seconds, but the two seconds feel like forever for Jaemin.

“Mmm, fine. One date, just one.” You barely hold up your pointer finger. “And only because it’s Christmas tomorrow. ‘Tis the season to be giving...”

Relief washes over Jaemin in the form of a smile. Embracing the blatant feeling in his chest this time, he plants a light kiss on your nose and wishes you sweet dreams, even though you’ve already fallen soundly asleep.  

Sunlight pours over your eyes on Christmas morning.

Déjà vu peculiarly creeps up on you, but the only thing that’s the same as yesterday is waking up in Jaemin’s bed.

He’s next to you this time, deep in his peaceful slumber, instead of waiting for you to leave by his doorframe. The snow has finally stopped, and you think you hear the faint noises of snow plows outside. You inhale deeply and also notice the faded aroma from all the scented candles from last night.

The scenes of yesterday flicker across your mind. The incredible sex. The talking. The dinner. The interlocking of his fingers with yours.

The date he asked you out on.

You stare at him, watching him sleep with a sense of content.

Turning your body, you routinely check your phone, which is charging beside his. You have a slew of Merry Christmas texts from several chats and a few private messages from your friends.

Your attention falls on Jaemin’s phone when it lights up with a notification, likely texts from his friends and family too.

But that’s not what you’re focusing on.

Your heart sinks at the sight of his lockscreen.

It’s a picture of him and a girl kissing.

A twinge emerges in your chest and twists harder and harder.

Jaemin being a fuckboy, you can respect. People can do whatever they want with their lives.

But to cheat?

That’s unforgivable, and a true sin if there ever was one.

You scramble to dash out of there, careful not to make any noises in fear of waking Jaemin up. However, Jaemin’s sensitive to the sounds of the front door, so he rouses awake. His eyes flit open, noticing how you’re gone. He then sees his phone blowing up and adds two and two together.

With his phone in hand, Jaemin rushes to get on a coat and stuffs his feet into his boots, not giving a shit that he’s wearing his thin pajamas in the coldness. He’s bounding down the flight of stairs and onto the bright, white wonderland of the streets.

He swivels his head and catches sight of you almost past down the block, slowly trekking through the thick snow. Jaemin sprints, as much as he can, and hops towards you.  

He yells your name, making others on the street turn, but you don’t. You continue forward without looking back.

“Wait! I can explain!”

You’re trying to gain speed, but cardio isn’t your friend. Thankfully for Jaemin, it’s a close friend for him.

“I don’t wanna fucking hear it, Jaemin,” you grunt, hearing the rapid crunching of his shoes coming closer. “Get lost.”

“No, listen to me for a second.”

The boyish man grasps you by the arm and turns you around. You throw his arm away from you and he holds his hands in the air, letting you know that he respects your space. He drops his hands and sees that you’re seething, even worse than you were when he kicked you out yesterday.

“How are you going to explain your lockscreen with you kissing your fucking girlfriend?! Hm?”

“Ex,” he pants in clarification. “Ex-girlfriend.”

Your eyebrows mesh together in utter confusion.

“Okay? That doesn’t make me feel any better, knowing that you’re still hung up on your ex.”

Jaemin shakes his head and rakes a hand through his hair. You note the large clouds he exhales and how he’s barely wearing any clothes. A tinge of sympathy passes through you, wanting to give him some of your clothes for extra layers, but you smother that quickly in your state of rage.  

“I’m not hung up on her. Remember you asked me yesterday why I don’t want girls to stay the next morning?”

You cock your head impatiently, as if saying, “Yeah.”

“Well, I don’t want to attach myself to girls. I can’t. I...”

He lowers his head to one side. Shutting his eyes, a long puff emits from his mouth.

“She cheated on me.”

The snow plows in the distance can’t compare to the pumping of your heart in your ears. All the feelings you felt in the last day, but especially in the last fifteen minutes, jumble together in your head, making you feel uneasy and unsure of what to exactly feel or comprehend of the situation.  

But you do know one thing, despite the fact that you two barely know each other, the pained look on his face is real—that this is the untold story behind his ways.  

Jaemin lifts his head and holds out his phone for emphasis. “The lockscreen serves as a constant reminder that dating and feelings will and can fuck me up.”

Carefully, he steps a little closer to you and slowly cups your face in his shaking hands. You don’t pull away nor is there the same anger from moments before, so he daintily runs his thumbs over your cheeks.

“Until you showed me yesterday that maybe I’m willing to give it all another shot. Risk it all for fuck knows what, but you make it look like it’s worth it.”

He continues his ramble after adjusting some of your hair from the ongoing breeze.

“Sure, it’s Christmas today, but I don’t want you to say yes to going on a date with me just because it is. I want you to say yes because maybe you like spending time with me just as much as I like to spend it with you.”

You’re completely disoriented—your eyes are shifting everywhere but his eyes and your lips are quivering with no words coming out. He sighs understandingly. 

“Look, I know you’re probably having second thoughts and you don’t have to give me an answer right now. Think on it for as much time as you need, but I want you to know that I genuinely like you and I want to go on an actual date with you.”

He peels his hand away from your face and raises it into the air as if taking an oath.

“I, Na Jaemin, the notorious fuckboy and serial one-night stander, will devote to monogamy once again if it means I can date you.”

His hands grab yours, kisses the back of them, and then he presses one kiss onto your icy cheek prior to walking away.

“Merry Christmas,” he says with a sad smile. “You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

Later that evening at your large family’s Christmas party, you take another dreadful gulp of your wine.

It’s the happy holiday season, but why does everyone feel the need to stick their nose in your dating life? Well, really, a lack there of.

“Why are you still single?” Layers of their voices resound the same question in your head. You take another swig.

Potential unsaid answers that you kept to yourself fly around as you swish the drink in your glass.  

Because you choose to be.

Okay, not really, but it’s the easiest answer.  

Because you haven’t found the right guy to get you back in the game.

What does that even mean? What makes the right guy even right?

The right guy? It’s someone who makes you laugh, someone who gives as good as they can take it, someone who wants you just as much as you do.

The cogs move in your head as you take one more sip before you finally come to the conclusion—  

Because you didn’t find the right guy until last night.

Despite the mess of today and yesterday morning, you realize that Jaemin is... actually sort of sweet. Annoying, yes, but he keeps you on your toes. It’s a plus that he’s easy on the eyes, but it’s a bigger plus that he’s even easier to talk to.

And if he can find it in his scorched heart to trust you, you can find it in your heart to trust him too.  

You quickly say your good-byes to your family and let them know you have other plans with friends tonight.

As the Uber rolls up to his apartment building, you realize you probably should’ve messaged him on Tinder, but it’s worth a shot to see if he’s home. Anyways, impulsiveness is a controlling entity, as evident from your Christmas Eve Eve’s adventure.

And in retrospect, perhaps Jaemin was the perfect pick of the crop after all.  

Someone’s entering the building and lets you in behind them. You take the stairs two at a time and hear booming music coming from his floor. At first, you assume it’s from other apartments, but it’s all coming from one—his.

Without a thought, your knuckle taps the door.  

A handsome figure that’s definitely not Jaemin opens the door. Behind him, you see a group of young men scattered around the living room, and some have a few girls tucked under their arms.

The man eyes you up and down with a spark in his eye. He’s not Jaemin, but he surely reminds you of him.

“And who might you be?” he asks.

“Who’s at the door, Jeno?” An unknown male voice hollers in a high pitch from the couch. He’s one of the guys with a girl attached to him.

You blink. “Uhm, I’m—”

“She’s with me!” Jaemin shoves the flirty stranger aside and tugs you by your wrist, making headway to his bedroom. He flips the light switch on and the door clicks shut.

“What are you doing h—”

You cut him off with a kiss.

An innocent one, at first, with hints of alcohol on each other’s lips. Your arms wrap around the other and the passion increases with the mingling of your tongues, each party tasting and confirming the specific drinks you both consumed tonight.  

Jaemin forces himself to pull away and presses his forehead against yours. “Did you just come all the way here to kiss me, or...?”

“Maybe I came over to ask... if I can stay with you for another night?” you playfully ask, fingers intertwining behind the nape of his neck.  

He chuckles heartily. His fingers sink into the sides of your waist. “Is my dick that great? The sex with me that amazing?”

“Mmm, that’s definitely a benefit,” you agree, fluttering your nose against his. “But I want more than that—“ You poke a finger to his chest. “—I want the man behind the dick.”

Your gazes converge, bringing you together as one.

“I want to go on that date with you. I want you, Jaemin.”

He flashes a megawatt smile that could compete with a million Christmas lights, but it fades suddenly and you’re unsure why he seems like he’s about to bawl his eyes out.

“That’s so beautiful, I might cry.” He brings a finger to his eye, pretending to shed a tear.

Oh, yeah—you’re definitely going to need to hire someone to constantly shove your eyeballs back into your sockets if you’re going to date Jaemin.

“Oh, shut up,” you whisper, yanking him in for another kiss.

Three dates later, including a memorable New Year’s Eve, you finally decide to rid of the Tinder app for good.

With his arm around you on his living room couch, Jaemin glances over your shoulder.

“Really? You’re finally deleting your Tinder?”

You snort in disbelief. “That’s gold, coming from the King of Tinder himself. When did you delete?”

He turns to face the television and shrugs coolly.

“Maybe I didn’t.”

“Wouldn’t put it past you,” you nod, eyes still on your phone.

“Nah, I’m kidding, I did.”    

You sharply turn your head.

“No way. When?” you press with narrow eyes.  

A shy smile emerges on Jaemin’s face as he picks his pants over his thighs.

“On the night of Christmas Eve, after you agreed to go on a date with me.”

[birdmenanime]

LOSING MY FUCKING MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINDDDDDD THIS IS FANSTASTIC GLAD WERE IN THE SAME BOAT

did i think i would have a rival in the year of 2022 where would both agree with each other but its just. so ever slightly different to the point we go insane? no

some kind of moodboard

@birdmenanime @kitsoa

[breezeinmonochromenight]

Do you think that all the DMC characters have "questionable clothing choices"?

1!Dante and 2!Dante — I mean. Bright red leather into battle is questionable but it’s Dante so that’s fine.

3!Dante — Using the tiddy strap on your gun holster as a shirt? Very questionable.

4!Dante — Questionable as fuck but damn if I dont love the gay bara arm cowboy look sm. You do you, you funky demon slaying pizza eating cowboy man.

5!Dante — The only questionable part is the fact that it’s an $8000 coat (that he wears into battle, no less) and he’s got bills to pay. Pass if not for the coat.

Vergil — Looks so fucking cool in concept and execution but really my guy you look like you just stepped out of a Renaissance painting or smth. It’s not practical in the real world at all. You’re wearing a cravat for fucks sake. Questionable.

Nico — Her outfit makes me think she and Cindy Aurum are just two gfs that are dating and share a closet. It’s also not impractical because she does wear the full welder’s cape and sleeves when she’s working. Plus, I’d wanna show all the tats off too. Pass.

V — This outfit is A Mess. There is no other description for it but A Mess. The gladiator sandals are quite possibly the single worst fashion choice in this list. The color scheme screams Kyle Ron, the clothes scream JoJo villain, and the shoes scream ‘I will be fighting the Persians at 10am sharp’. And I can’t even forgive it as him cobbling together whatever he could find. He stole that outfit off of someone in its entirety. Questionable at best.

4!Nero — Yeah that’s fine. It’s a little flashy with the rings and belts everywhere but looks cool and it’s not over the top. He’s basically a final fantasy protagonist. Pass.

5!Nero — Shabby but makes sense because why tf would you ever wear anything nice (Dante 👀) demon hunting where you’re inevitably gonna be covered in blood and guts anyway. Probably the most practically dressed for the job of the lot. Pass.

3!Lady — School girl outfit (even modified) is more than a little cliche but she gets a pass because she actually is a ~16 y/o school girl at the time. Plus she’s also wearing like athletic/compression shorts under the skirt too so I get the sense she’s mad and in a hurry and working with whatever she’s got handy. It does kinda scream murder your shitty dad casual. And I respect that. Pass.

4!Lady — I like it but I also don’t understand it. I don’t really know what she was going for with this. It offers next to no protection, and I don’t know if sexy business lady casual is the best look for fighting demons anyway. Also it makes her look like she uses the term girlboss unironically. So yeah. Questionable.

5!Lady — Outfit is cool af but I feel like the gap between chaps/boots and shorts and midriff is still kind of dangerous? Especially since she’s human? But she’s technically also a ranged fighter ig so I suppose it’s not as big a deal. But no I own a nearly identical looking top and jacket as the one in her DMC5 outfit; it looks like a totally normal midriff top with a pair of leather pants or jeans and boots. Versatility is good, but wearing white to murder demons seems inadvisable. So she’s at least halfway not questionable.

Trish — The leather is practical but the heels and tube top seem like they’d be absolutely miserable to fight in on top of not protecting much. So that part is questionable. But she’s also a demon with (probably) some healing factor and can just magic her clothes on too so I assume they stay on by the same magic. So she ultimately gets a pass.

Trish (as Gloria) — Girl no. Just no.

Lucia — The outfit is cool and mostly seems practical but again that’s a lot of exposed skin for fighting demons. But she’s an artificial demon so like Trish she can probably take her fair share of damage and heal so it’s probably fine. Pass.

(Current) Morrison — Dapper old man. Charming but also a little shady and mysterious looking. He’s fine. Quite possibly the most normal clothing choices in this group. Pass.

Patty (based off anime appearance) — As a former 8 y/o little girl can confirm clothing for little girls <10 is all over the fucking place. So her outfits going from pink tinged newspaper hawker to princess dress and everything in between isn’t surprising. You could probably find all of those outfits within a few racks of each other in the little girls’ section of a standard department store. Pass.

Sparda — See Vergil, but he’s also like. A pair of platforms away from being ready for disco night. His outfit looks like it’s made from crushed velvet and I don’t know how to feel about that. Also the monocle comes off as pretentious. Questionable.

Eva — Her outfit gives me very “I woke up like this” vibes so that’s cool. Power move. But also like. That outfit? Just around the house? With twin terrors running around? Questionable.

Kyrie — Christian Order Girl Autumn.