#to be fair i assure you gordon has never apologized for anything he ever did prior to. like. 1950 at the very earliest either.

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

98462 LIVED???

AND REFORMED???

Tell us more please!

is he single

Uhhhh I dunno. It just occurred to me that he could still be alive. And it would be funny if he did the overhauled-at-Crovan's-Gate-worked-off-his-repairs-on-Sodor-for-a-spell thing I love so much during, like, the FC3 era.

Bonus hilarity if the newer engines find him charming and have this lowkey collective crush and meanwhile the oldest residents of the island are sooo sour-faced and can't stop side-eying him.

This unexplained beef, of course, only enhances 98462's mystique.

Sorry, man. If you want to give him a boyfriend that's on you. Go for it. Me, I think he's too self-involved to really be either single or attached. Like he has serial relationships that mean nothing.

He has become more personable over the years though. And he didn't manage to get preserved despite being thrown off at least one railway in disgrace during his working career by being stupid. So he doesn't make enemies whenever he goes. Not anymore.

[statusquoergo]

It’s been one hell of a ride, but we’re in the home stretch now; this episode is basically Part I of a two-part series finale, so apologies in advance for the cliffhanger.

Except that if you don’t like being held in suspense, you can just watch the promo for “One Last Con” (s09e10). Spoiler alert: Everything’s going to be fine.

Keeping true to form, this episode opens on a flashback to both illuminate and slightly alter canon as it’s already been established: Nonspecific-childhood-age Harvey is playing in “the most important game of [his] life” as Lily looks on, cheering loudly despite Harvey’s face falling at the distinct lack of Gordon by her side. After the game ends, Harvey yells at his mother for…coming to the game in the first place? It’s weird and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but I can sort of let it slide because Harvey is an immature preteen. Or teenager, I don’t know. What I’m not going to give a by is Lily saying she’s “doing the best [she] can” to keep their family together with Gordon on the road so much, being that we know she’s cheating on her husband while he’s “working his butt off for [his family],” although seeing as how I don’t see Bobby at the funeral, maybe we’re supposed to casually forget about that thing she did that gave Harvey all those trust issues and caused him to estrange himself from his family all those years that the “Previously On” summary specifically reminded us about and that she never apologized for or acknowledged was wrong of her in any way.

Okay. Now. This funeral is clearly meant to be touching and emotionally stirring. You may find it to be so. I did not. I wanted to; I adore a really well-crafted funeral scene, but…what can I say. It didn’t happen. And I’m writing it up how I experienced it, so just…keep that in mind, if you would.

Harvey begins his eulogy by talking about inheriting his love of baseball from his father and how, up until recently, he always associated thoughts of the game with him. In truth, however, his mother was the one who “took [him] to every practice, cheered [him] on every game”; “she was always there, even when [he] thought she wasn’t.” It’s at this moment that he sees Mike standing in the back of the audience and has to pause to collect himself, which is quite lovely and very well-timed to parallel Lily with post-Seattle Mike in Harvey’s life, which is a little awkward, but it’s nice that they’re trying to convey how important Mike is to him. I don’t really understand why Harvey has to drag Gordon in order to talk about how much he loves Lily, but maybe he’s only allowed one good parent at a time, and it’s no wonder his childhood was so fucked up.

He mourns that “[he] didn’t know [she was always there] for a long time, but now [he does],” and the only thing I can think of that this might be referring to is her knowing about Donna, even though Harvey never mentioned her, because Lily and Marcus gossiped about Harvey behind his back, so…that’s nice? He then says that “she always owned [her mistakes],” and I’m pretty sure this is the biggest reason I’m having such a hard time feeling anything but exasperation and confusion at this whole event. Harvey is clearly struggling to hold himself together and Gabriel is doing a great job of selling it and I know I’m supposed to feel sad right along with him, but I’ve never been particularly moved by Harvey and Lily’s relationship or their reconciliation, so now that Lily’s dead, I as a viewer am primarily relieved that the show isn’t going to have any more opportunities to try to force me to like her just because she’s Harvey’s mother. I’ve long been frustrated that she never took responsibility for her affair, not to mention the fact that she guilted Harvey into lying about it for her, and this show keeps trying to substitute the fact that Harvey forgave her for her owning up to what she did, but they’re not the same thing. Now Harvey’s the one to apologize for not reconnecting with her sooner, choking out a final “I’ll miss you and I’ll always love you”; the benediction is about forgiveness because of course it is, and we cut right past the actual burial to the reception. Probably for logistical reasons, so that’s fair.

Mike approaches Harvey to assure him that “it was a beautiful eulogy” and “she would have loved it,” and I don’t know if anyone else was worried that they were going to totally whitewash the way Mike and Harvey left things at the end of “If the Shoe Fits” (s09e05), because I was, and they absolutely did:

“Listen, Harvey, uh about what I said the last time I was here—” “Don’t worry about it. You being here now says everything.”

Everything? Are you sure about that?

Anyway Donna interrupts this touching moment to inform Harvey that Marcus needs him, leaving Mike to ask Donna to “give it to [him] straight” about how bad everything really is; she confides that “this couldn’t have come at a worse time” because of the whole Faye thing, and they’re really putting the pedal to the metal to make her out to be a villain before the end of the series, but seriously, she’s just there to get them to stop breaking the law and committing disbarrable offenses every forty-five minutes, it’s not her fault that’s the only way they know how to practice. Donna has an idea of how to fix everything, but it involves Mike forgiving everyone for what happened on the Brick Street case, not just Harvey, and like I get Mike being in a position to forgive Samantha for fabricating evidence against him, but doesn’t he need to apologize for the whole…everything he did? Maybe Harvey prefers to forgive people who don’t apologize to him; that sure would explain some stuff.

In the other room, Harvey and Marcus commiserate over not being ready for Lily’s death as Harvey laments that they had been making plans for her to come to New York and meet Donna (naturally), and Marcus gives Harvey an envelope he found on Lily’s desk that she must not have gotten around to mailing. Gee I wonder if those two things are related.

Samantha and Louis murmur about how touching the funeral was, Louis tossing out a casual mention that he “[doesn’t] ever want to see Superman laid so low,” when Mike approaches to have a word with Samantha; he’s sorry she was fired and she, with the benefit of hindsight, would’ve done things differently, and he doesn’t have a plan yet, but between the two of them, “if [she’s] willing to bury the hatchet, [he’s] pretty sure the two of [them] can come up with something to send that woman packing.” Anything short of actually quitting committing disbarrable offenses, I suppose.

A few days later, probably, Harvey emerges from his bedroom to assure Donna that he’s okay and she “[doesn’t] need to stay here with [him],” just in time for Mike to show up with the episode’s first major callback: “Somebody call for Robin? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I saw the Bat-Signal last night.” Take that, Louis, with your Superman reference. No, it’s very cute, the banter is much better than it was the last time around. Mike says he’s here to return the favor of Harvey being there for him when Grammy died, and sadly no, that doesn’t mean they’re going to stay up late getting high together; instead Donna third-wheels her way into the conversation to translate that Mike is going to help them get rid of Faye, oh and by the way Donna was the one who put him up to it (but “at least [she] didn’t put him up to pretending to be a lawyer,” and no, please, I’m not at all sick of this stupid joke).

Seems that for the week Harvey and Donna have been Out Of Office, Katrina and Gretchen have been doing their best to cover for them at the firm, so that’s good of them. It does kind of bolster my theory that Donna doesn’t have any special qualifications for her job, though. Then Samantha shows up unannounced in Faye’s office and I don’t know if the security guards let Mike up because they know him, or he never turned in his badge, or what’s going on here, but he arrives to explain that Samantha wasn’t announced because she’s here as his guest (how), being that he’s representing her in a wrongful termination suit. Faye immediately determines that this is a ploy to get rid of her and Samantha doesn’t exactly disagree, but then Mike claims that Faye has no proof of anything that Samantha did, and Samantha brags that even though Faye “came in here and took Robert’s reputation, Louis’s dignity, and [her] everything,” they’re going to have the last laugh because “one of [them] is finally getting [their] day in court.” (I mean Robert kind of tanked his own reputation and it was Samantha’s decision to fabricate the evidence that got her fired, but… Never mind.)

Strolling down the hall, Louis finds Harvey back at his desk and pauses for Harvey to explain that Mike and Samantha are filing a wrongful termination suit and he doesn’t want to miss the “fireworks.” Faye pops in to further clarify her role as the Big Bad Antagonist by offering her condolences for Harvey’s loss so that he can tell her to keep them because he knows she “[doesn’t] give a shit about [him] or [his] mom” (so much for that whole humanizing plotline about “crossing a line” to protect her daughter); she then boxes them into representing her by promising that if they can win her case without colluding, cheating, or “telling the other side about this,” she’ll leave because “[she’ll] know [her] job here is done.” Right, because wins in court are always an objective reflection of how well one side argued over the other, and no judge or jury in history has ever rendered an unpredictable verdict for personal reasons or anything.

In any event, Faye stalks out with the declaration that she’s already filed a motion to dismiss and “will have someone in chambers this afternoon” (most judges are significantly overworked and can take several years to address such a motion) and Harvey informs Louis that “if [he thinks Harvey’s] gonna keep this from Donna, [he’s] out of [his] mind.” Donna shows up at just exactly the right moment to hear Harvey’s proclamation, giving Louis the opening he needs to tell her to brace herself because they “have some things to tell [her], most important of which is [they’re] representing Faye,” and whoever wrote that line has to be the same person who wrote Harvey’s “some of which you know, some of which you don’t” bit from “Cairo” (s09e04) and that doesn’t mean anything important but it’s just really irritating that this syntax structure is coming up again considering how bad it is.

Donna immediately goes to fill Alex in on Harvey and Louis’s plight, the event conveyed to us the viewers by way of his quick recap of the scene we just witnessed (in a manner agonizingly reminiscent of Mike’s clumsy recaps at the beginning of “If the Shoe Fits” [s09e05]), and asks him to please look into whether “Faye can really take [them] down” because even though Harvey says he can handle this, she’s worried about his frame of mind because of the whole his-mother-just-died thing. Alex doesn’t think Faye is lying about her ability to do anything, but he promises to check.

Apparently Faye did somehow manage to get her dismissal motion on front of a judge that very afternoon, but just as Mike’s moving to, uh, dismiss her dismissal, Harvey and Louis show up to present themselves as Faye’s counsel, much to Mike’s and Samantha’s surprise (or perhaps dismay at the writers’ inability to think of a way to justify Mike’s return if not to go up against Harvey again). Harvey presents a section of SLWW’s bylaws that makes it seem as though Faye had every right to fire Samantha for any reason she saw fit, but Mike busts out his eidetic memory for the first time since like Season 2 (second major callback!) to quickly rattle off a subsequent paragraph that counters that claim, and the judge not only denies the motion to dismiss, she “[moves] this up in [her] docket to the first available slot” (why).

In the alley out back (or maybe the street out front), Mike presumes that Harvey and Louis are representing Faye so they can help play both sides, but Harvey begrudgingly sets him straight, advising them to drop the case before Faye finds proof that Samantha fabricated evidence. He and Louis offer Samantha a $3M settlement, and Samantha, apparently quite confident in her ability to cover her tracks, tells them to shove it, but Mike interrupts that they’ll think about it. Maybe he can tell this is all super fishy and figures there’s another angle at play? Maybe he trusts Harvey after all? Some actual conversation to that effect might’ve been nice, but I guess I’ll take what I can get.

Back at the firm, Faye approaches Donna to ask where Gretchen is, and Donna lashes out at her for making Harvey represent her right after his mother died, and I mean fair enough, but Mike and Samantha did choose to file their lawsuit right after the funeral, and Harvey did choose to come back to work specifically to see the fallout; what did they think was going to happen? Donna then threatens that if Faye “[hurts] Harvey more than he’s already been hurt, mark [her] words, [she’ll] be the one coming for [Faye] next,” which is…kind of her? But like, what exactly does she think she’s going to be able to accomplish?

At Mike’s apartment, I think, as Mike and Samantha prepare for trial, Samantha proposes presenting herself as a sob story from the foster system who “overcame obstacles to make something of [herself],” but Mike is still suspicious of Harvey and Louis offering a deal when “they can’t stand Faye” and instead suggests making a counteroffer. Samantha’s all begrudgingly impressed that Mike “really [is] as good as they say,” and Mike reminds her that “the two guys [they’re] going up against are no fools either,” which are not words I ever imagined I’d hear come out of Mike’s mouth, but whatever, it’s time to get to work on that counter.

Part II

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Requests are OPEN

Imagine…Confessing to Tony Stark that you love him.

[x] - requested by @melizzzabeth​

Gif Credit: I can’t find it, but it’s not mine :(

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Word Count: 2,654

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Panic Attack, Mentions of past abuse

A/N: Have I told you lately that Tony Stark is a beautiful and innocent cupcake who doesn’t deserve the pain of this world? No? Let me remind you. Anyway, I’ve wanted to write Tony having a panic attack for quite some time, and it just felt right to be in this. I also suffer from frequent panic attacks. I had to seek therapy for that and my depression. Know that you’re never alone in this and that there are people who are willing to help. Mental health is important. Please, take care of yourself. Also, I’m so sorry this is late. Due to a loss in the family, I haven’t been paying attention to Tumblr.

You sat on the couch next to that pompous asshole as he flipped through the channels on the TV. That smug, self-assured, son of a dick-because you would never disrespect his mother-was the man you cared about more than anyone else in the world. He was the one who taught you everything you know, the man who helped mold you into the person you were today. You were the only one who saw every piece of him, too. Even when he was with Pepper, she didn’t see everything. If they had an argument, who did he come crying to? You. If he had a panic attack, who was the first one he would call? You. If he needed a plus one to one of his charity events or parties, who did he invite? You. If he needed a second opinion on one of his Iron Man suits, who was the first person he asked? You. You were there for everything. You saw the good, the bad, and the ugly. You saw the confidence and the insecurity within him. You saw the rougher side of his personality that he wore in front of friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers, but you also saw the tenderness and compassion that he buried to make himself seem more masculine.

His father did that to him.

You also saw what that broken relationship with Pepper did to him. When the panic attacks became too much for her to handle, she would call you. When she was too busy to deal with his insecurities, she would call you. Maybe it was because you and Tony had known each other for so long that you just knew how to handle the tough stuff, or maybe it was because she just didn’t care enough to try. Either way, Tony saw it as him being a burden on her. So, when she left him, he wasn’t surprised. You were. How could she leave a man like that? How could she leave a man who had a heart that big? Maybe, you would never know the answer because the only men you ever left were the ones who treated you like dirt, the ones who didn’t stick around for the good, the bad, and the ugly, the ones who hadn’t be taught not to hit girls. You had your fair share of awful dating experiences, and just as you were there for Tony, he was there for you. He had a protective side, and it showed itself when he saw the tears in your eyes and the new bruise on your cheek that one night. It took everything you had to keep him from leaving to kill your freshly-dumped boyfriend. When you asked, he stayed. He held you as you cried and offered you a strong foundation to build your new life on, and you didn’t know when or how or why, but you fell in love with him all the same. It had always been this small flame in the back of your heart, but it came alive when he became your guiding light.

“Is there anything on you wanna watch?” he asked, draping his arm over the back of the couch as he kicked his feet up onto the coffee table. Coulson would’ve cut his feet off if he had been there to see it, but he was still trying to fly under the radar with his team of misfits. You couldn’t deny that it was for the best, but you had your fleeting thoughts about him every day. He had been your mentor since day one, and you considered him a friend. Only a handful of people knew he was alive, and Tony wasn’t one of them.

You tucked your legs up under your body and nestled into the warmth of the couch. You would’ve much rather nestled up to him, but it had been a difficult day for him, meaning that it was more than likely he would show reluctance toward cuddling, “we could always watch Gordon Ramsay yelling at people”

He shrugged off the suggestion, “I prefer him with the kids. Fury does enough yelling around here for both him and Wrinkly Forehead” he remarked, making you laugh at the new nickname he had for the chef. He had nicknames for everyone, whether he knew them or not, and he usually cracked them out when he wanted to make you laugh. Mission accomplished. As he scrolled through the channels, a loud crack came from outside the building, causing his whole body to seize up in fear. When you looked out the window, you could see the brilliant colors lighting up the sky, and you knew that it was just beginning. As you sat motionless on the couch, you wondered how you could’ve possibly forgotten the most patriotic day of the year. The fourth of July was always a holiday that Tony took note of because it was the Captain’s birthday, too, and Tony went all out for birthdays. With Steve in D.C., we hadn’t given it much thought, especially not the fireworks. When you looked over at Tony to see how he was handling it, you saw that he had completely zoned out of the world and was completely lost in his own mind. You could almost see the memories flashing before his widened eyes as he experienced the wormhole over and over and over again. He had seen so much happen that he never signed up for, and all of it came crashing down around him after New York. As he relived them, you did, too. From him finding you bruised and beaten after you had been kidnapped to seeing Coulson’s body in the holding area where they had kept Loki. He had seen far too much. You knew that his condition was bound to get worse but that the only way to help would be to intercept this panic attack before it got too far.

You reached out for his hand, but the moment you touched it, he jerked it away almost like you had been holding a match against his hand, slowly burning his skin. You knew better than to touch him without telling him first in situations like this, but it was your first instinct. You offered him a smile, trying to stay as calm as possible even though you were anxious for what was about to come. The events only cemented the fact that you would be spending the night in his room again, and he would end up attaching himself to you throughout the night, so in the morning, it was impossible to get out of bed without waking him. You held your hand up again as you spoke, “I’m just gonna take your hand, Tony, okay?” you asked, wanting to receive his consent before you did anything. He nodded his head as his eyes flickered around the room, never focusing solely on you. You reached down and stroked his fingers before intertwining your fingers with his. His palms were already clammy, which meant that the night had already just begun. Long hours stretched out ahead of you, but you were prepared for all it would bring because you loved him. You stared up at the ceiling, ready to address one of your greatest friends, “Jarvis, soundproof the tower, please”

“As you wish, Miss (Y/N)” he responded as the cracking and popping of fireworks outside faded away with all the rest of the chaos of the city. You had tried talking him into taking up residence somewhere quieter, but he had convinced himself that if New York was attacked again, he wanted to be right here, not miles away. Still, for his own sanity, you knew that he needed to step back and take some time to process everything that has happened from the time he was labelled as a superhero until now. If he didn’t talk about the heavy things and work through them, these problems would only get worse, and you didn’t want to see him hurt anymore than he already was. Maybe taking a break from the constant chaos of the city would give him time to clear his head and find himself again.

Before it got any worse, you stood up from the couch, still holding onto his hand. He stared up at you with those terrified brown eyes, and you told yourself for the hundredth time that you would take away all his fear and pain if you could. There was no way of getting into his head to stop these things from happening, so the only thing you could do was be with him as he experienced those horrors on his own, “come lay down with me in the bedroom” you suggested, trying to coax him up by urging his hand further toward you. The hard part wasn’t getting him to stand up, but it was making your way to the bedroom with him. His hands trembled, and he kept stopping to catch his breath. You knew what it felt like, but you also knew that getting him comfortable would be the first step in calming him down. It didn’t take long to get him into the bedroom, but it was quite the task to get him to lay in the bed because he kept trying to convince you that he needed to go to the emergency room. Once you were finally in bed together, you noticed that the attack had started to wear off, but the after effects were just as exhausting. The two of you faced each other for hours as you reminded him to breathe, that he wasn’t having a heart attack, and that you were going to be there through the entire thing. He was always afraid of being left alone in moments like these, but you laid in that bed facing him for half the night, your faces so close you could feel his warm breath cascading across your lips with every breath he took.

After such a long time just staring at each other, he finally broke his own silence, “I’m sorry” he apologized, casting his eyes away from you and sitting up in the bed, turning just enough to hang his legs off the side. He never turned away from you unless he was about to start crying, and you had only seen that happen a handful of times. You’d seen him naked-accidentally-more times than you had seen him cry. “Sorry” was the last thing you wanted to hear, though. He had done it so many times before, but you never anticipated it. You never made him feel like he was a burden, and when he apologized for you taking care of him, it made you feel guilty about something you shouldn’t have to feel guilty about.

You scrambled out of the bed and over to his side, not wanting him to pull away. Before he had the chance to stand up and walk away from you, you nestled your knees on either side of him and seated yourself on his lap. For any other duo, it would’ve been crossing a line, but there were no lines with Tony. Besides, you had crossed so many other lines, one more wouldn’t kill you. At least, you hoped it didn’t. When he continued to try to look away, you collected his face in your hands and stroked his cheeks with the tips of your fingers, feeling his body rumble beneath yours. You turned his head toward you just enough so that he had nowhere else to look but into your eyes, “please, don’t push me away. Talk to me. Let me in” you begged

His eyes held so much indifference in that moment, but you knew that it was his way of building up the wall. He shrugged, “what do you want me to say, (Y/N)? Do you want me to tell you that I’m scared of fireworks like some little boy? That I feel like I’m trapped in my own mind when shit like that happens? Do you want all the details about how I feel when I’m going through that? Or do you want me to talk about everything that I think about-everything I see? Do you want to hear about all the stuff that eats away at my mind and tears me apart every time I think about it? Do you want to know how every time I hear a firework, it brings me right back to…” he couldn’t even finish the question before his eyes started watering, but you knew what he was going to ask as well as your answer to it.

As your eyes locked with his sad brown ones that glistened with tears, you shook your head, “I want to know about what happens during these attacks. I want to know what you’re seeing and why you’re seeing it, but I understand that you telling me all those intimate details is just as scary as me telling you all the intimate details about mine. That’s why I don’t ask. However, you should know that I’m always free to listen” you explained, raking a hand through his soft brown hair to push it from his face. You continued, “all I want is for you to stop apologizing for breaking down like this in front of me. This kind of thing doesn’t make you weak, Tony, and I know that’s what you’re afraid of. You’re afraid that it’s not what I want to see. Well, you know what? I’m not in love with Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. I’m in love with the man who cries with me when we watch “My Girl”. I’m in love with the man who cooks me breakfast in bed when he knows I’ve had a rough night, the one who keeps the cranberry juice stocked in the fridge even though he hates the stuff. I’m in love with the man who puts his hand in the middle of my back and rubs small circles into it when things get rough because he knows it’s one of the only ways to calm me down. I’m in love with the man who dances with me in the living room to Elvis and sings the songs himself when the record skips. I don’t love the facade you try to put on to please everyone else. I love you” you blurted out, not even thinking about the consequences your sudden outburst would have until after the fact.

When your entire speech finally processed in your mind, your eyes widened in pure terror. Before you could move, though, his hand snaked around the back of your neck and guided your face toward his. As soon as your lips met, your eyes fluttered closed at the same time your stomach flipped and erupted with thousands of butterflies. For years, you waited to kiss him. For years, you were too afraid to tell him just how much you loved him. For years, you had been too afraid of jeopardizing a friendship you had worked so hard to build, but here you were with your lips locked in a fiery kiss with his. It wasn’t the type of kiss that would turn into anything more-no clothes were coming off tonight-but it was a tension-breaking kiss. Even after your lips disconnected, your eyes remained closed as you basked in the moment like it was a breath of fresh air. When you finally opened your eyes, they locked with his again. His lips pulled up into a smile as he pushed a few stray pieces of hair from your face, tucking them behind your ear. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled your entire body flush against his own, burying his face in your neck. Even as he peppered kisses against your skin, you could still feel the smile on his lips, “I love you, too”