#to be clear i am white & verbal with occasional verbal shutdowns

[autisticabyss]

it’s “listen to autistics” until its lvl 2 or lvl 3 autistics speaking

it’s “listen to autistics” until its msn or hsn autistics speaking

it’s “listen to autistics” until its semiverbal or nonverbal autistics speaking

it’s “listen to autistics” until its autistic people of colour speaking

[icanonlybe-human]

There are a couple of things tonight that have been pissing me off that I just need to talk about.

I told my aunt that I was autistic on the weekend, and her initial reaction was the stuff of dreams for an autistic person. The next day, not so much. The words “you’re obviously high functioning” came out of her mouth and I’m going to explain why I despise functioning labels with a passion.

First of all, calling me high functioning isn’t a compliment, it’s just invalidating my experience as an autistic person and ignores all the struggles that I go through. Just because I hide my true nature pretty well, doesn’t make me high functioning. Yes, I may be able to hold a conversation and occasionally make eye contact, but what you don’t see is me soon rushing off to be alone and having a shutdown every night. Or the migraines I get because of the effort I put into acting normal. No one sees the days where I can’t talk, or leave my room, or make myself eat. They haven’t seen the times where I haven’t been able to shower for weeks, and they sure as hell weren’t there when I had to spend hours combing out the mats in my hair. Just because I’m standing in front of you talking doesn’t make me “high functioning” and since you don’t see every fucking thing in my life, you *do not* have the right to make a comment on how I don’t seem to be struggling. Second of all, the whole “low functioning” thing tends to be stuck onto autistic people who are non-verbal or just aren’t interested in human interaction so don’t answer other people. That doesn’t make them any less functioning than me, they just won’t partake in whatever bullshit you have going on. The truth is, autistic people will find their own ways to function and their own support systems. We *all* need support, so saying that low functioning autistic people need more support is bullshit. They just need different support. So by saying high functioning, you’re minimising the struggles I go through, ignoring the struggles I do go through, and denying me the access to support I need. By saying low functioning, you’re just being an asshole and saying that because they don’t fit your desires of how to behave, that they suddenly can’t be human. It’s degrading. When I’m in a “low functioning” state, do you know how many people talk about me instead of to me? Or how I suddenly just become an object to carry around and something to deal with. I know everything that’s going on, and it’s a similar feeling to being called a retard.

Second thing that’s bothering me: this thing where people are saying “there’s no such thing as normal.” Well, I think you’ll find that people who say that are normal. Did you know that only 1% of the world’s population is estimated to be autistic? Same figure for asexuality. I’m pretty sure that a statistic of 99 to 1 is a pretty clear indication of what is deemed “normal” in those circumstances. And as an asexual autistic, I can tell you right now that kids knew the difference between normal and different. Hell, they even came up with words for them, like “weird.” Same goes for adults too. And as an asexual autistic who is living in a world not designed for me but for the normal, I can tell you right now that the concept of “normal” people does, in fact, exist. I’m lucky for the fact that I have use of my arms and legs, and am therefore “normal” in that sense. But you can’t why that people fall outside of that definition of normal. And no, I’m not one of those girls who go “I’m quirky and different uwu.“ I’m different because I literally have a brain that works differently to the 99% majority of literally everyone else. And I was and still am bullied for it. Being different isn’t fucking fun. It’s a pain in the ass. And I would really like people to actually recognise that instead of just saying “no-one is normal.” Like fuck off Chad, you cis, white, neurotypical, straight, physically abled man.

Last thing that was annoying today: Ju. She put her feet up on the couch next to my face. I get it’s her house but that’s fucking disgusting, and if she wanted her feet up she can literally recline in the chair she was sitting in. She was also making so many mouth noises tonight and complaining about shit that is entirely and purely her fault. So sick of it.