#to an offline person 4 years ago.

[americancirconflexe]

we are mutuals now >:)

thank you! :O

i went to costco today and i got free samples.

[somedaythesun]

TS2 Maxis-Match Lingerie Store Set

Hello, I'm still alive! I had to take a long break from Simming, but I've finally finished this collection and wanted to release it.

Reintroducing Bella's Secret lingerie store set by RetailSims! Now available in sweet pink or spicy black motifs. Featuring more objects than you'll know what to do with :D

There are four Maxis-match sets in this collection: the K&B lingerie set (3 colors), a new bra mesh using the Freetime sewing machine dress textures (6 colors!), the K&B camisole set (3 colors), and the Basegame slip nighties (4 colors).

For the mannequins and the furniture, I wanted to capture that high-gloss look that a lot of lingerie stores use, and I discovered that the perfect in-game texture was…the grand piano?? So all the display objects are repo'd to that object and come in either glossy black or white (or whatever other recolors you may have). The velvet panels are either pink or red and are recolorable.

The shelving unit is actually three distinct pieces: a panty/bra counter with 15(!) slots you can fill, a double row wall display rack (15 slots), and a single row wall display rack for longer hanging items (8 slots). These live in Surfaces > Shelves for §241.

All of the hanging items can be hung on your Sim's wall for decoration, but they are also aligned to perfectly slot into the wall racks. I personally find it relaxing to fill up the display cabinets, and you can mix and match to your heart's content! You'll find all the clothing in General > Dressers for §18.

I also made some objects to sit on the countertops or in the drawers. Everything is repo'd to a parent object to reduce file sizes, so if you're interested in recoloring the lingerie, check the filenames for the PARENT objects and you'll be able to make your own varieties.

Lastly, I recreated RetailSims's shop sign, but this time in Simlish. I did my best to keep the polycount as low as possible, but be warned it's still high poly. It spans 6 tiles and is EXTREMELY shiny. Comes in black or white! Found in Deco > Wall for §800

I highly recommend you get RetailSims's original wallpapers (archive link to the dead site is here). All original idea credit goes to RetailSims, I just fell in love with their set years ago and wanted to refresh it to match the game's original aesthetics.

Download

I may need to disappear offline for another lengthy break, but I'll stick around for a few days after I post this to check for any problems, so let me know if anything isn't working your game. Enjoy!

[redphlox]

Throwback question: What's your favorite thing about Dabi?

I feel Dabi is a beautifully tragic and very compelling villain.

Is the "Throwback question" part a slight against me not answering this question when it was submitted months ago? When I don't answer questions, it's usually because I'm busy and have many asks waiting, too - nothing personal. I do have a full life offline tumblr. I love getting asks and read all of them!

I'll be honest, I have a preference for a specific type of character, haha. Soul Eater Evans (Soul Eater), Yamato Ishida (Digimon), Ruki (Digimon), Shadow the Hedgehog... all edgelords who, despite their facade of indifference, are softies actually brimming with complex feelings and thoughts. Dabi is like that, too.

Truly, Dabi is definitely one of my top characters. His burn scars intrigued me right away, as I've always wanted to work in a burn unit. His style really appeals to me, too - his blue fire, the black clothing, the boots, the long jacket, the piercings, the complete emo vibe. Overall, though, I just really admire his personality and who he is. I appreciate his sassiness, his drive, his dedication, his fiery spirit. I love that he dances or cries when he's feeling an intense emotion. I love him at all ages we've seen him, especially at 4-year-old pouty Touya and 13-year-old pre-teen menace Touya.

I love that Dabi is angry. I love that he's a "bad victim" who was humanized and sympathized in the story. I haven't seen that often in media. I love that he sought justice for his younger self. I LOVE that beneath all that anger is love: wanting to give love but being unable to because the recipient wasn't in the position to receive it, wanting love but not receiving it because the recipient couldn't give it because of his own flaws.

I love that Dabi's relatable to me - the eldest sibling with a lot of pressure to indirectly fix the family, someone who wanted to be seen and valued and is angry, angry, angry, angry because his family didn't understand that he was trying his best, too. I love that his whole reason for doing everything is his family, as that's also a dynamic I'm drawn toward in fiction.

Mostly, I love that he's full of rage that the world is so fucked up and that he's burning with the injustice of it all. I am, too.

[assignedmale]

As a trans creator whose work went viral an awful lot of times and who was targeted by so many hate campaigns that I lost count of them (I started publishing Assigned Male Comics 9 years ago, to give you an idea), I think it would have been very easy for me to go down a bitter path. Our communities are merciless. Our movement is obsessed with ideological purity. It's a fact. Our siblings will devore us for the smallest misstep. It's very easy to become jaded, when you give your entire being to a cause that will treat you as disposable as soon as it's done draining all your energy. When I started getting invited to different countries to speak about my work, I viewed it as some kind of "reward" - I create work that spoke to people, so it got me speaking engagements. I realized that it was in fact the opposite : it's seeing the impact art can have on communities that became the real catalyst of it. With all the hate I've attracted, from transphobes, far-right extremists and other trans people alike, I often wonder why I keep doing it. What is it that makes it that I'm still there after a whole decade, when it would have been easier to let resent and bitterness become my fuel. I always come to the same conclusion. It's meeting all of you, meeting so many communities from all around the planet, that keeps reminding me of the healing and transformative powers of belonging and empowerment. It's only with that in mind that the incredible amount of responsibilities and pressure that comes with a platform such as mine can make sense. Because why do we do this? Why do we burn ourselves out for a cause that we know will throw us away the minute doubt is cast on our ideological purity? It's so that "thriving" may be something more to trans people everywhere than a distant dream. Your activism should be to work towards that. And that starts at home. As a trans person, when you're given a voice and an audience, feeling attacked suddenly becomes a thing of every instant, from the moment you wake up to when you go to bed. It's not something volunteer social media moderators can help you with. I will always have compassion to anyone who goes through that, willingly or not. We ask a lot from trans public figures, who literally put their lives at risk for doing so. It shouldn't be that dangerous to do the work they do. Let's all recognize that. That being said, bullying, high-school-level drama and feuds should never be tolerated. Resist the urge to dogpile and raid. You might be filled with righteousness right now, but I can assure you that you will not feel better afterward. The world won't be a better place for it. When the world becomes too much, I retreat in a corner and write comics. Sometimes, after a long creative process of multiple hours of drawing, rewriting and rewording, I post one of them on the internet. Most of them, I keep to myself. Thousands of Assigned Male Comics strips none of you will ever get to see. I believe that our minds aren't made for the instantaneity of social media. I want my readers to sit back and get thinking, which is why you will rarely see me post more than 3 or 4 times a week, and only a very curated selection of posts. I basically hit the "post" button and run back offline. One day, I'll retire entirely from social media. When that happens, I'll keep posting on Webtoon. Go read the comics there, it's under the title "Serious Trans Vibes". "She's done it," you can then think. "She's thriving."

[lavenderchqn]

𝐶𝛨𝛢𝑃𝑇𝛦𝑅 𝟎𝟎𝟕 — INVESTIGATION BOARD (1K WORDS) 𝑅𝐸𝐷 𝐿𝐼𝑁𝐸𝑆 — lyney x f!reader smau

𝑆𝑌𝑁𝑂𝑃𝑆𝐼𝑆 —

Second year of university should've been everything you thought of it - more studying with human interaction sprinkled throught... What it definitely wasn't supposed to be was an investigation saga where one of your friends goes missing out of nowhere

𝑃𝑅𝐸𝑉𝐼𝑂𝑈𝑆 — 𝑀𝐴𝑆𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐿𝐼𝑆𝑇 — 𝑁𝐸𝑋𝑇 𝐸𝑃𝐼𝑆𝑂𝐷𝐸

“Hi! Good to see you. Nice to meet you in person, Furina.” You opened the door to the last expected visitors. Lyney, Lynette and Furina are standing in front of [Y/N], with some snacks. She promptly lets them in, taking some stuff from their hands. 

“Pleasure meeting you too…” Furina answers, albeit a tad shy. 

“Clorinde and Charlotte are setting up the games and Navia is getting some snacks ready.” She mentions, leading the arriving guests into the tiny dorm. “What can I get you started with?” 

“The usual,” Lynette answers, setting down cookies before heading into the living space and greeting the remaining girls. 

“Oh, uh… Do you have any tea, perchance?” 

“Absolutely! I’ll show you the options in a sec.” [Y/N] brings out a can of energy drink handing it to Lyney. “Unsure if you want it in a glass, but I  think you like this flavour.” 

“No shot you remembered?!” He takes it with quite the shock on his face. 

The only other time Lyney and [Y/N] met happened months ago when the girl came to collect a pillow Lynette took during one of their sleepovers on accident. Back then, Lyney’s drinks of choice had less caffeine compared to these days, yet the flavours he fancied stayed the same. 

“It just stayed in my brain for some reason.” 

She gets the water for the tea going not before remembering the offer she made to Furina. 

“Here’s the available options.” The girl sets a basket full of bagged tea in front of the girl, ready for her to pick. She does it promptly, not forgetting to ask for some sugar.

Charlotte puts down the most devious plus four of her life. Lyney up to this point was one card away from winning… His brilliant strategy to win turning out utterly impossible to accomplish. 

“Pick up.” 

“Wait, no shot you can’t stack cards?!” Lyney looks at Charlotte with utter horror on his face. 

“According to Uno’s twitter post, those are the rules. Pick up.” 

“Uno doesn’t know their own fucking game then…” He sighs, taking the loss and 4 cards. 

“That’s what you get for only playing online.” His sister shoots him a deadpan look, drawing a card herself. “Uno.” 

She’s gotten lucky, instantly getting the required colour. Lyney shoots her a dirty look, albeit agreeing with her silently. Furina had to convince him quite a lot for him to consider coming to play “normie” versions of board games. He was used to sitting in front of his setup playing these games with his friends online.

“It’s much easier, and there’s no cleanup required,” Lyney said, on his voice call with Furina a few hours prior.

“I know, I know… But there are some things you can’t experience stuck in gaming chairs,” 

Looking back, this is what Furina must’ve meant when speaking of experiences happening only in offline play… Looks of envy, future revenge incoming or crocodile tears pleading not to get skipped or nuked with cards… 

“Uno out,” Lynette says with a soft, yet accomplished expression on her face. A bunch of words of congratulations mixed with sighs of defeat fill the room. 

With the staple of the girls’ mandatory game of UNO now being 

Navia instantly starts to eye the box of monopoly that had been waiting this entire evening. 

“How about monopoly next?” She asks, getting mixed reactions. 

“You’re not the banker this time,” Clorinde states. 

“What?!” She looks at her appalled. “I think I’m a great banker, thank you very much!” 

“Didn’t you steal money for yourself last time we played?” [Y/N] gets up picking up some mugs from the floor. “Lyney, Furina would you like something more to drink?” 

All this time, she was making sure that the first-time guests of hers were taken care of in the best way possible. Always offering more drinks and snacks and checking if their pillows and blankets were comfortable… 

“Oh, that would be lovely.” Furina smiles at her, standing up to help her with the tableware. “Thank you so much again for inviting us, as well as being a magnificent host.” 

“I’ll get that started then,” She quickly takes their mugs, signalling for them to stay in the room. “I can handle the cleanup, you stay here.” 

Time sure goes fast when you're in good company. By the time a break time is called during a session of monopoly, it’s already dark outside. 

“Clorinde, can you drive today?” Navia asks, lying down on the floor. “I don’t wanna drive at night…”

“Yeah, I can do that.” She answers, noticing how dark it indeed got. “What about you three? How are you getting home?”

“Oh, I live quite close to the campus.” Furina perks up. “I’ll probably walk— ” 

“Absolutely NOT.” She gets shushed by Lyney, whose expression says more than a thousand words. “If Wriothesley hears that you did that, especially after their department announced a person went missing, I will have my head chopped.” 

“Oh please…” Lynette rolls her eyes at him. “You can be honest and say you’re worried about your bestie…” 

“Man, speaking of that weird kidnapping situation — I started investigating that a few days ago.” Charlotte gets up, garnering attention to herself. 

She walks to a board covered by a bedsheet… courtesy of [Y/N], who didn’t want the guest to experience walking into THAT. By the time it’s off, you can see many pictures of currently known missing people, their contact, gauged days when they went missing… It’s a lot. 

“Holy shit, how did you make this?” Lyney comes closer, looking at all the detailed information. “If I wasn’t scared of journalists before, I sure am now…” 

Curiosity also gets to Furina, interested as to how much information a singular board can hold… and how much Charlotte would be able to gather in a few days. By the time she gets there… something is not right. 

She freezes in front of the board, eyes wide with shock realising the linking thread about three missing girls specified. 

“Oh my god. I know all of them.”

𝑇𝐴𝐺𝐿𝐼𝑆𝑇 — OPEN

@state-of-grac3 @santaluna @meigalaxy @romyoia @meurtreofcrows @floweringanna @moonjellyfishie

for the people who's @ are in italics, it's because for some reason whenever I tag you it just doesn't show up whenever I save the chapter...

date of posting — august 7th 2024

[alette-stars]

Over 240,000 words, 45+ chapters, written over 4 and a half years. Blood, Water is complete. 

This post is long overdue. I finished the fic over 6 months ago (can you believe it?!) and I’ve been caught up in things offline, to put it lightly. But on the 5th (!) anniversary of the posting of the first chapter, i thought there was no better time than to, finally, put this out.

I really couldn’t have finished this work without all the love and support i received while it was being posted. I know we like to say to write for yourself, not the crowd, but god that support really motivated me and brought so much happiness to my life. And i hope i was able to return some of that to you, through my work. 

Well you’ve all waited long enough. Let’s get started!

The inspiration of fic title is given in the fic summary. Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Although this quote is attributed as the full version of the common adage blood is thicker than water, it actually isn’t! It was coined later, though i don’t know by whom. (i actually didn’t know this when i first wrote the fic, but i stand by the quote—it’s great and very fitting)

I think i came up with the title like minutes before i posted the first chapter. I ended up posting it impulsively, kind of. I knew it was gonna be a big project but i wasn’t thinking about my other ongoing fics at the moment, i was so excited and i just had to start sharing this one

The entirety of the fic was written in a Google Doc titled Vampire 8. 

Seonghwa’s favorite kaomoji (as referenced in Chapter 11) is (❁´◡`❁)

All the prominent vampires in this have ‘unsexy’ ages, and that’s on purpose. I wanted to do something different from the typical centuries-old vampires. So, instead, at roughly 200 years Seonghwa is the oldest, while Mingi would still be a young man if he hadn’t been turned

Don’t ask about the progression of time in this fic. It went on so long (i wrote this over literal years) i genuinely forgot

I like to write other idols into my fics, and this one is no exception. Most prominent would be VIXX (current and ex members) as the coven essentially in charge of the vampire world, but there’s also Monsta X’s Minhyuk, whose conversation with Yeosang was brought up in Chapter 22. 

All our main coven’s makers were named after famous Korean actors and actresses. Ji Sung for Wooyoung and Yeosang, Nam Ji Hyun for Jongho, and of course Kim Tae Hee for Seonghwa. Mingi’s maker is never referred to by name but her name is Nara, after Jang Na Ra. 

Author has a cameo in Chapter 6! Cashier staring shamelessly at Seonghwa in his full vampiric glory :’) 

Seonghwa’s real-life fits were often used as inspiration, but one was straight-up duplicated. This was of course the teal turtleneck + mushroom hair combo from the amusement park date in Chapter 13.

I did do a little color theming for some characters, but nothing too strong. We have red for Hongjoong, turquoise/teal for Seonghwa, purple for San, and gold for Yeosang. 

Another theme i love for all my writing is space. Seonghwa and his planet/star comparison is probably the most obvious. Personally, i have a lot of fondness for the framing of Wooyoung and Yeosang as the sun and moon, and then the addition of San as the Earth. 

There have been some questions about the systemic issues in world of Blood, Water that i’ve kind of avoided answering because i wanted to focus on the immediate, personal story. But basically vampires are an open secret in the world that the government continues to staunchly deny. The vampire population has historically been very, very small. Vampire society, as a whole, didn’t exist until recently. Around 20 years ago, the government decided to crack down and eliminate the vampire ‘issue’ once and for all, leading to the hunting days that cost many vampires their lives—including Yeosang and Wooyoung’s maker, Jisung. When the regime changed, the new government stopped the state-operated vampire hunting. The blood den/club business that had always operated on a small scale—accessible only to the most connected/wealthy vampires—grew and even regular vampires (and humans) could get in. This reduced the ‘mugging’ operations less well-off vampires had to resort to, but bred new problems. Increased vampire-human interactions resulted in more turnings. By the start of the Blood, Water timeline, vampire population has started to outpace the blood available at the blood dens. Vampires of a certain level of society, like Seonghwa, are strongly advised not to turn any more new vampires, because soon the problem might get too big to hide. 

Technically there is no vampire leader, although the authority everyone defers to is Hakyeon and his coven. But, as Hakyeon himself would say, they’re not a government—they’re businessmen. Anything they do—keeping the surrounding areas safe, putting down dangerous vampires, providing blood and feeders for newborns and adults—is to keep their business running smoothly. Vampire society is officially lawless so, yes, if Wooyoung wanted he could kill another vampire. 

In the 4 and a half years from conception to completion of Blood, Water, a lot of things changed. My initial conceptualization of Yeosang was as a cold, dangerous individual, one that you might think would actually hurt San. Early on i decided to go for a tragic angle, so his sensitive, selfless nature came through.

Another change that got made very, very late was Yunho and Mingi’s ending. Don’t shoot me, but i initially plotted a different, sadder ending for them. After Yunho almost dies at the big house by newborn San, Mingi gets too into his head about Yunho’s safety and they break up. They uh don’t get back together. Yunho leaves Seoul for a better opportunity (a job, possibly a dance position—one of those things Mingi could never be a part of). It’d be kind of hinted that they’d get back together, but in the future, after Mingi’s worked through more of his vampirism issues and his anxieties. Obviously this isn’t what ended up happening, but, damn, it almost did. I decided not to do this because things were getting too heavy at the end there haha.

Finally, a not-insignificant part of Blood, Water was the chapter graphics that accompanied every chapter release on Twitter. It wouldn’t have been possible without all the wonderful stock image available for use online. A full list of resources:

Chapter 1 - people partying inside room by Pim Myten

Chapter 2 - Street Night Light on pixabay

Chapter 3 - Silhouette Photography of Trees by Jesse Bowser

Chapter 4 - Orchid Flower Blossom by anncapictures 

Chapter 5 - This was a composite of two images that i think i accidentally deleted from my laptop and i cannot for the life of me find anywhere online. I’ll update this if i ever find them, i am so sorry for my carelessness omfg

Chapter 6 - Jewelry Boxes Red Blue by furud

Chapter 7 - Silver and black laptop computer by Jay Wennington

Chapter 8 - Painting Abstract Background by mondschwinge

Chapter 9 - Bridge Night Architecture by nqcoc9

Chapter 10 - Full Moon Night Sky by Pexels

Chapter 11 - Sunset clouds background from the National Park Service

Chapter 12 - Fully made by yours truly

Chapter 13 - Ferris Wheel Night Shot by CloudyBird

Chapter 14 - Amaryllis Flower White Open by Sponchia

Chapter 15 - half filled wine glass beside half empty clear pint glass by Sérgio Alves Santos

Chapter 16 - Glass Piece Broken by qimono

Chapter 17 - Macarons Dessert Food by TheoCrazzolara

Chapter 18 - white pillows by Anastasia Mezenina

Chapter 19 - Daniel von Appen on unsplash. I believe the original image has been deleted

Chapter 20 - Cfl Spiral Lamp by Public Domain Pictures

Chapter 21 - a red and blue painting of a building by Jr Korpa

Chapter 22 - Red rose in dark room by Ben Decoster

Chapter 23 - Cakes Strawberry Sweetness by Alexas_Fotos

Chapter 24 - Nature Fire Flames by StockSnap

Chapter 25 - Milky way by Ivana Cajina

Chapter 26 - Sunset branches silhouette by lovexxpeace

Chapter 27 - Lightning Thunderstorm Night by anvel

Chapter 28 - Chandelier Glass by Tedd

Chapter 29 - Splatter, Blood, Paint by Clker-free-vector-images

Chapter 30 - Clear glass wine by Luke Besley

Chapter 31 - white cushion on bed near brown wooden nightstand by Annie Spratt

Chapter 32 - Blood Moon on a Dark Sky by Roberto Nickson

Chapter 33 - Red Light Behind a Door by Jamal Yahyayev

Chapter 34 - Flower White Wilt Black by bmartinseattle

Chapter 35 - Brown wooden bed frame with red bed sheet by Janko Ferlič

Chapter 36 - An Open Red Flush Door by Kei Scampa

Chapter 37 - two arcade cabinets by Ben Neale

Chapter 38 - Gambling Chance Luck by Ogutier

Chapter 39 - time lapse photography of cars during nighttime by Roman

Chapter 40 - Vine Plant Sprout by ngyuenbuihoai

Chapter 41 - Gold Pocket Watch by John

Chapter 42 - red and yellow thread in needle by amirali mirhashemian

Chapter 43 - Red hibiscus flower photo by Kai Oberhäuser

Chapter 44 - Node Red Knot by moritz320

Chapter 45 - Lighted Brown Bridge by Burst

Chapter 46 - Brown wooden framed glass window by Tim Rüßmann

Chapter 47 - the same as Chapter 1, people partying inside room by Pim Myten

You can find all the edited images in the Twitter thread. 

Fun fact: all the images follow the red/black/white color scheme, with one very glaring exception: Chapter 22 (and to a lesser extent Chapter 25) 

If you have any further questions (which i didn't cover in this super long post...) you can reach out to me on Twitter or retrospring!

Well, we’ve done it. We’re at the end of this post. Pretty long-winded but i figured if we could power through 240k words of the fic, we can survive a few paragraphs of my rambling. Thank you all again, so, so much, for all the love and support you’ve given my work. I really could never have done it without you. It was an honor and a blessing to go on this journey with you, and i wouldn’t give it up for anything. 

So what’s next? Keen readers might’ve noticed Blood, Water is part of a series, titled Ties of Blood and Silver. I do have plans for a direct sequel. Yes, our vampire boys will be back! With new challenges, new angst, and even new relationships. I’m organizing shit in my real life so it won’t be starting immediately, but you can all look forward to it! Until then, thank you, i love you, and see you all around ♡

[melodiclune]

daydreams - if you could be anything or anyone, who would you be?

2) caress - do you like to snuggle?

3) freckles - most-worn article of clothing?

4)twilight - best friend?

5) buttery - favorite snack?

(wait okay that's a lot of questions I'm spamming 😰)

6) velvet - who was your first crush? (If you ever had one)

7) cuddles - do you have any pets?

8) lace - if you own any dresses, which is your favorite?

9) sapphos - favorite poet?

daydreams: I quite like being me, actually. I don't think I'd want to be anyone else. I'd like to be a better version of myself, perhaps. Or borrow qualities from people I look up to.

caress: Not always, no. Depends on the person. If I know them well enough to be comfortable, then sure.

freckles: This one particular pair of jeans. They're comfortable and they're basically what I wear whenever I need to go out casually.

twilight: Online? @himi-wiz . Offline... Well, you wouldn't know them anyway ;)

buttery: Apples, I suppose? I don't eat a lot of casual snacks. Bit of a rarity. I do like chocolate and hard candy though.

(don't worry, I don't mind. ask games are fun!)

velvet: This one guy in my class who used to sit in front of me during tests and important things (roll call wise). I was a pretty quiet kid, and nobody really talked to me, so he was one of the few people to be nice to me and make an effort to talk to me. It's a low bar, but it is what it is!

cuddles: Nope!

lace: I only really own a few dresses, primarily for formal occasions. My favourite is a red one with a belt that goes to my knees.

sapphos: Ooh... This is hard. I like Robert Frost. My favourite poem is Ozymandias by Percy Shelley. Himi introduced me to Pessoa a year or so ago though, and his work was thought provoking.

[cassowariess]

Absolutely despise what seems to have become the norm on social media for the past 3 or 4 years. That is, that when an atrocity happens the assumption is that anyone not talking about it online is an enabler or "doesn't care."

Like, I don't know how to tell you this, but people did very much care about things before the internet existed. They went to protests, they wrote to their local politicians, they raised awareness. The idea that you must be seen doing internet activism or you're a bad person is rancid. You do not know how active someone is being offline. You also don't know what mental health issues people are going through that make it difficult to function.

My dad took his own life just over two weeks ago, and if someone started screaming at me in the street that I'm a bad person for not posting about politics 24/7 I'd punch them in the face.

[ancicntforged]

Kal'tsit lore dump on new Babel event in CN

The gist of it is that Doctor gave Kal'tsit her name and freedom and they been sleeping for 4 million days.

------

Kal'tsit: He's the one who understands Originium the most.

Kal'tsit: If there's a need to solve the suffering caused by Originium.....

Kal'tsit: He's the most suitable candidate.

Theresa: I have to say, you always bring things that even Sarkaz wouldn't easily believe.....

Theresa: Can those devices still operate... Are you still confident in his awakening?

Theresa: The vast majority of Terra's life forms are unlikely to resist erosion over such a long period of time.

Kal'tsit: Terra now is undoubtedly a miracle. So are you, Theresa.

Kal'tsit: But in the past, in their eyes, the entire solar system revolving around the sun was insignificant.

Theresa: ......You seem a bit nervous now. There's also some anxiety and unease.

Theresa: Do you have anything else to worry about?

Kal'tsit: ......I do.

Kal'tsit: But I... can't say.

Theresa: That's okay! Sorry, I shouldn't distract you, focus. I can feel it.

Theresa: ......

Theresa: "Kal'tsit"... You love this name, don't you?

Kal'tsit: I... have almost forgotten everything else from that time.

Kal'tsit: But I distinctly remember, in that distant past, there was a person who gave me this name——

Kal'tsit: "Kal'tsit".

Kal'tsit: That was our last meeting.

"Kal'tsit... I don't have much time left.

"Go seek traces of life, go find hope and the future.

"Kal'tsit... Find the answers yourself.

"Go find yourself."

Theresa: Then why hesitate again, Kal'tsit?

Kal'tsit: I know, it's just...

Kal'tsit: ...I've always had a premonition... worry, or speculation.

Kal'tsit: At the beginning of the land, at some point when life was just beginning to sprout, something happened here that can never be reversed.

Kal'tsit: But I don't know what.

Theresa: If it's someone even Dr. Kal'tsit can trust, then I'm not worried at all.

Theresa: Moreover, given Dr. Kal'tsit's cautious nature, I never have to worry about prearranged contingency plans.

Kal'tsit: Unfortunately, Theresa.

Kal'tsit: Only in this matter, no matter how many contingency plans I've made, I don't have any concrete assurance.

Kal'tsit: ...Theresa, I can't guarantee that I'll always make the most rational choice.

Kal'tsit: But this time... I want to believe.

Theresa: Then do what you want to do, I'll be here, accompanying you.

Kal'tsit's hand has already touched the door that has been silent for countless years.

Rhodes Island ushered in a new round of turmoil.

The door, loosened.

"Originium will become the beacon formed by our civilization...

"If one day, other life forms in the universe return to their dead homes, seeking a breakthrough,

"They will witness...

"Our glory,

"Our resistance,

"Our slumber here.

"We once bestowed gifts upon the successors before extinction—

"—Hope."

???: Here...

???: Time... has it... come?

(Note: Here the "???" or actually the Doctor and Kal'tsit speaking in Unknown language)

Warning: Unknown power source activated.

Warning: PRTS system permissions read-write in progress...

Warning: PRTS system permissions read—

PRTS system permissions reset. Administrator permissions confirmed.

Communication module full-band open, communication receiving module overclocking complete.

Search: Preserver... no signal.

Search: Caerula Arbor... no signal.

Search: Paradise Pivot... no signal.

Search: (Unknown noise)... no signal.

...

Search completed, full-band no signal.

Retry—

???: No... response...

???: Only... me...

???: How long... has it been?

Search process log file...

Latest update: 4,755,954 days ago.

???: ...

Detecting severe abnormalities in life sign data. Automatic loading of repair module.

Repairing—

???: ...

???: Did... I wake up too early... or... too late?

???: ...

???: At what stage... is Originium... in?

Retrieving Originium detection historical data... No response.

Originium detection module offline.

???: ...

???: "Terra"...

???: Why store... so much... redundant information...

???: ...

???: This... not recorded in the database... New language?

???: Civilization... has... emerged...?

???: Only... remains... me... What about her, Priestess, my...

Kal'tsit: I can answer your questions. Those data were previously stored in PRTS by me.

???: ...You?

In the eyes of one trapped in the past flickered a hint of unfamiliarity, a hint of suspicion, and... a hint of vigilance.

Kal'tsit keenly caught the gaze of the person in the sarcophagus.

And Theresa caught Kal'tsit's tension.

???: Wait...

???: ...

???: ...

???: ...

???: Even though you have changed a lot...

Kal'tsit: ...

The newly awakened person seemed to have had a short dream in the sarcophagus.

The life that bid farewell before entering the dream still lingered by their side when they woke up.

???: ...You didn't leave.

Kal'tsit: ...No. Since leaving here until now, standing in front of you again—

Kal'tsit: ...I have wandered for tens of thousands of years.

Kal'tsit: ...But, I still haven't forgotten the questions you left me—

Kal'tsit waited, anxious, she needed assurance...

Assurance that her hopes hadn't undergone some terrible change.

???: ...

???: That's not... a question, it's... my hope...

???: ...Then, have you... found the meaning of your life?

"Kal'tsit..."

Kal'tsit: Seeking the meaning of life's continuity—this is still the path I need to continue on in the future.

Kal'tsit: Do you remember...

???: I remember... For me, saying goodbye to you feels like it was just yesterday, yet also as distant as unreal...

???: But for you...

Kal'tsit: Ihave never forgotten the efforts you made for me.

Kal'tsit: Besides life itself, you gave me another precious thing—freedom, Doctor.

???: Or... call me Doctor, Kal'tsit.

Doctor: Let me... leave first...

Kal'tsit: You're still weak, I can help—

Doctor: No need...

Doctor: Kal'tsit, I have... too many doubts.

Doctor: What about Originium... I haven't found any records.

Kal'tsit: ...

Kal'tsit: Originium still grows on the land outside.

Doctor: So I woke up too early.

Kal'tsit: ...

Doctor: You've been through a lot, Kal'tsit.

Doctor: I can tell from your eyes. Do you need my help? Is that why you woke me up?

Kal'tsit: It's not just me who needs your help.

Doctor: Ah. What about the "devil"?

Doctor: On your friend behind you, I not only see Originium existing in unexpected forms...

Doctor: She also possesses... um, the "Civilight Eterna".

Kal'tsit: Nowadays, the trajectory of civilization development is very... complex.

Doctor: What's her name? Do their civilization also have a similar term to refer to their existence?

Kal'tsit: Theresa.

Doctor: The...re...sa...

[zentreyatwitchvods]

Hello! It's been 5 months since we reactivated the Zentreya Twitch VODs channel. I'm Rayterni reporting back with everything that we have made so far. Due to YouTube’s limitations we’re posting the update here. Feel free to skip to the parts that you want. We hope you enjoy the read! TL;DR: 400 VODs! Playlists! Timestamps! ALL Guilds & Geckos! Things you might have missed due to YouTube not notifying you! A huge word of thanks! Help us find more VODs!

400 VODS

We’re about to cross the 400 VODs mark this week (they are already being uploaded as you read this), as we rapidly catch up with the recent streams! Two days ago we completed publishing 223 VODs in 5 months (71 in 3 days alone), totaling 382 VODs published! Literally thousands of hours worth of streams that were deemed lost forever are now here for all to re-watch, so check out the VIDEOS tab!

PLAYLISTS

We’re also introducing Playlists. It's still at the very early stages, but they can rapidly become the main way of browsing through the VODs according to your interests. Themes such as "SPOOKTEMBER" and "SHOCKTOBER", "New outfit debut", some of Zen’s favorite games and the highly requested "Guilds & Geckos" series have already been added. Feel free to suggest us more! We’re gonna have Playlists for months and years as well since we are not uploading in chronological order. Check out the PLAYLISTS tab to access all of them.

GUILDS & GECKOS

We believe ALL the G&G VODs have already been published at this point, despite some of them not showing up to everybody due to YouTube’s region block. But we are working on having this fixed!

TIMESTAMPS

Some of the fans have been voluntarily contributing by adding timestamps to the comments section of the VODs, and we very much appreciate it! In special we would like to thank @WadeTunnell for timestamping lots of recent VODs. This is very helpful to everybody. We planned on start doing this ourselves in the future but this is not one of our priorities right now. So thank you very much to those doing so, and if you feel like doing more while you are watching, you are always welcome.

A BIT OF STORY TIME, AND THE 2D AND 3D CYBORG ZEN DEBUTS!

This channel started out on July 11, 2021, and has been maintained by Zentreya's moderators Barefoot Ellecktric and Shadow Ben, who have been doing an absolutely amazing job through the years! Thanks to them we could keep track of Zentreya's everyday streaming adventures through nothing less than 159 VODs, comprising the whole of the dragon Zen 2.0 era. To the people who have been watching Zen during all those years it's heartwarming to know that so many precious moments have been preserved for posterity. And to the people who are new to the community this is an incredible archive of one of the pioneer vtubers who paved the way for so many others, and who still keeps pushing the scene to the limits, together with her friends, community, artists and vtubers of all sizes.

Unfortunately, due to life and work, the uploads stopped on March 27, 2022. Since then the community relied on Zen's official channel with clips and shorts, but also on fan channels that have been posting VODs here and there whenever possible, some of them regularly. Other fans and friends have preferred to keep their archives offline in backups, in hopes that it could be of help some day. This kind community effort would later be once again vital for the reactivation of this channel.

On July 4, 2023, I joined Zentreya's clippers team and asked her, Ben and Barefoot permission to reactivate this channel, already offering my personal collection of 121 VODs, mostly from the cyborg Zen era. It was an honor for me to have been trusted with this task. On August 12, 2023, the first VOD from this batch was published, which was "LAST DAY AS A DRAGON. 5 MORE DAYS. (05/15/2022)". This was Zentreya's last stream before the big debut of her cyborg model, which would start an entirely new chapter to her career, including new lore contents - Recently Zentreya has announced on her 6 years anniversary that the coexistence of the two Zens, the cyborg and the dragon, is now official within the lore!

Due to the nature how Twitch works and the precarious ways of downloading the VODs, some of them got corrupted in our backup files, including the 2D and 3D debuts of cyborg Zen. These same VODs were found in another fan channel on YouTube, but unfortunately the channel was deleted before we could contact the author. Such relevant VODs would only be recovered months later when another fan, DeadPark, left a message in the comments section of the announcement video, offering to help with a personal collection of 200+ VODs. Before that, 125 others were contributed by 2 other fans who preferred to remain anonymous. So here they are:

2D cyborg Zen debut

3D cyborg Zen debut

Zentreya has managed to build an amazing community over the years, of fans and friends willing to help keep her legacy alive. All this effort is a labor of love for our favorite toaster, who never ceases to impress us every day with her energy and creativity, her unique comedy, a true passion for vtubing, life, her friends and community. It's the same passion that moves us to now share the joy that we have re-watching her with everybody.

THE BEST COMMUNITY

Ever since we reactivated this channel we had such a positive response from the public, the community, whether it's here on YouTube, on Twitter, Twitch, Discord, and we would like to thank all of you for that. The work is far from done, there's still a lot of VODs to upload, and it needs to be a continuous effort for the time being. But it fills us with even more passion to know that you are here together with us. We would like to share some of the comments that we received and that truly keep us more and more motivated to continue with this task:

@jkubal2 - "Thank you for uploading this stream. This was my favorite Zen stream of all time."

@zetanite5538 - "it’s very rare to see a vod i haven’t seen this is a pleasant suprise :)"

@RickardLejonhjarta - "Chat was on Fire that night it was a blast. Cus you can never tell with Zen if she's just trolling or not."

@SnakeSanders97 - "This was so funny and wholesome. When it happened I couldn't tell if it was an accident or if she was just playing."

@ZensMeatSlab - "This was the stream on my birthday hehe. Thanks for this last massive batch of uploads."

@WadeTunnell - "and THANK YOU for uploading the VODs in the first place! There's probably a lot of people who appreciate the hard work and commitment, I know I do! I don't often get to see much of the streams live and having them archived here is wonderful."

@namesz - "I’m always watching the VODs."

@user0102939547874 - "Dear Zentreya this stream sent me on a emotional rollercoster it was so great to see you and your frinds stream for your birthday happy birthday but my heart was broken to hear that you are going through personal problems and i was crying right along with you I hope you can take time to rest and recharge and heal from all of it I wish you nothing but better days one day one step at a time"

@zickykane5206 - "I remember this one...such a good time. :)"

@Kakarot-xt4yz - "I was there and I couldn't stop laughing the entire time"

@jkubal2 - "I remember. But thanks for doing all the work getting these posted. Been watching them a lot lately."

@adrammelechthewroth6511 - "Zen. I know it's a bit late for this but you can kill the naked guy with a katana by pushing him off of the conveniently placed ledge near his starting location. Just some advice if you ever return to playing Dark Souls 3."

THANK YOU

We would like to thank everybody who have been watching the VODs here on the channel, no matter if the people who simply cannot watch the live streams due to different time zones or due to time constraints, the fans who just want to relive the memories of so many fun, chaotic and wholesome moments, or even the people who just joined the Zentreya bandwagon and want to know more about this energetic dragon mommy running around with a bunch of funny geckos.

To all the fans and fan channels out there who have been uploading VODs to YouTube and other sites, we would also like to express our sincere gratitude, and say that we would also love to contact you soon. This individual effort of all of you is just as important, and now you know why.

If you are new to the Zentreya experience you can join the best vtuber community right now on Discord and, of course, on Zentreya's Twitch channel. On Twitch you will find one of the rare channels out there where the chat not only remains active and vibrant 24/7 (the “Offliners”!), but is also always very welcoming, just like Zen's Discord. So don't be shy, come say hi! Making friends and finding people with shared interests is easy, and we would love to have you too.

HOW YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE WITH MORE VODS

We would like to invite all of you who have ever downloaded any of Zentreya's streams, no matter if it's just one single VOD or a collection of them, no matter the quality that you have recorded it in, if it's complete or incomplete, even if it's muted or pixelated in absolute potato quality: please, feel free to contact us at any time. You can just send me a DM on Discord (look for the name Rayterni on the Editors/Clippers list or the Artists list), on Twitter, or even by just leaving a comment below, here or on any video of the channel, really! We read and appreciate all of them and will reply to you as fast as we can, so feel free to ask questions and post requests for VODs, tell us which ones you miss, share your memories, your ideas of how you think this channel could improve, and we’ll do our best. If you prefer, you can also contact the moderators (I am not a moderator myself, but you can send me DMs). You can find them easily on Discord or when watching Zentreya’s streams on Twitch.

WHAT WE ARE CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR

So far all the VODs from the channel are comprised of streams from the dragon 2.0 and cyborg eras. If you do have or know of someone who does, or any other site out there that has any VODs from the dragon 1.0, we would be immensely thankful if you could contact us with a link, a name, title, any information. If you have a friend or know of someone who does have any VODs, please tell them to contact us or send us a DM, and we will contact them. We just found out very recently that we possibly only have very few of those, probably half a dozen or even less from when Zen joined VShojo. So, again, don't be shy, let us know. We will thank you always on the next update and feature your name with a link to your site, page or profile if you want, and you have our most sincere gratitude.

VODS THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED, AND VOD REQUESTS

Due to the way YouTube works we have discovered that you will only be notified about 3 VODs/day, no matter how many we upload. So we will post some updates every now and then here and on the official Twitter page for the channel with links to the ones that you might not have been notified about. For now, be sure to check out the channel's video tab to see. Feel free to request any streams that you would like to watch again, and we will do our best to find them. Here are some:

A Q&A love advice stream with the tactical maid Zen on Valentines day!

Zentreya driving a mom's car vibing and singing along with chat (WARNING: extremely hilarious!)

Zen shows the cake on stream, and her final outfit debut before the arrival of cyborg Zen (here an outfit inspired by Ruler/Altria Pendragon from the Fate/Grand Order series)

Geega teaches Zen some Fortnite dance moves during her reverse subathon! Also Zen takes a byte on a huge, spicy cheese and immediately regrets it...

Futuristic Zen outfit debut, a 12h-long stream and a collab with OVER 100 FRIENDS AND GUESTS!

Zen goes full furry fantasy on VRChat, proving once and for all what we always knew

An adventure of small proportions - gremolin Zen time on VRChat. Another fan-favorite, the gremolin Zen VODs are here to stay

Bartender Zen outfit debut

Zentreya's new 3D outfit in commemoration of her 5 years of streaming

Comfy outfit debut and song cover! She started out as a muted streamer, and with a notepad she inspired many others to also become streamers. Now watch her once again step up the game, recording her own song covers and more!

AND THAT'S IT FOR NOW!

Once again, thank you all so very much for all the positive reception, for supporting Zentreya and this channel over the years. Thank you Zen, Ben and Barefoot for allowing me to help and for supervising me during this task and for being so patient with me. Thank you DeadPark, WadeTunnell, and everyone who is contributing with the channel as well in many ways! Don't forget to follow the official Twitter of the channel. We see you on the social medias, the chat during her streams and on the comments on YouTube. Let this new year be even more exciting, fun and memorable for all of us! Because this channel is all about the memories that we create and share.

And as Zen always says... KEEP ROCKING! 🤘

[echoweaver]

New Year's Resolutions 2024

Thanks to @nocturnalazure for tagging me!

Also, anyone else I might've missed. 😢 I don't know if there's a way to distinguish being tagged on a post vs on a comment in tumblr, but it would be helpful when I know I was tagged a bit ago, but I don't remember by whom.

What's your resolution for your simblr?

OK, I guess I have some categories of goals.

Modding resolution: Release the Warriorcats Mod.

This mod is really close to done, but I'm in animation muck. I both hate seeing animations look bad AND I'm not an animator. For training interactions, I need multi-sim animations where one sim observes while the other acts, and when I tried to do this, I realized that I have a lot to learn before I can make this do what I want. I need one more good run in a geeky minset, and this thing will be read to at least release as beta.

This thing is bottlenecking other smaller mod ideas. I'm proud of it, and I want to finish it. But the turn of the year has been really bad for high-effort hobby energy.

For those who have sent me asks about this mod, I am going to say something that you should absolutely not apply any other modder, including me, for anything else. Bugging me about this (in a nice way!) is probably the best way to get it finished. Hearing from folks who use my pets mods makes my heart sing. Knowing that someone cares is the best source of positive energy I have.

It's a new year, and some very high-stress stuff in my personal life has improved. I know can do this in 2024.

In my points of low mood, I have wondered if there's even any point to finishing something this high-effort for a game this old. But, like Minecraft, TS3 never seems to die. 2022-3 was actually a modding renaissance. I have built some interest in TS4 at the end of this year, but it hasn't made me even a little bit interested in abandoning TS3. So I'm going to do my best to set that demotivating nonsense aside.

Gaming resolution: Finish the Samples.

I can't believe I actually wrote that, but it could happen in 2024. Generation 8 is starting in gameplay, and in a 10-generation legacy, this is the last "complete" generation.

I will never do another 10-generation anything. There are two many different and interesting

Blogging resolution: Catch the Wonderlands up to the present.

I stopped playing halfway through Gen 3. I originally started posting this challenge on tumblr during Gen 2 when I created this simblr some horrifying number of years ago. Gen 1 was all on Wordpress and is new to the simblr. I've been reluctant to play forward on the challenge until I can bring the simblr with it.

2. What do you want from the sims franchise?

Haha. That's a complicated question. I think I may always be a TS3 player at my core. I send retroactive apologies to every TS2 players I looked askance at ten+ years ago. With that in mind, I can't reasonably expect much of anything from EA on my core hobby.

My pie-in-the-sky dream would be a 64-bit update for TS3 on Windows. That's not completely impossible, but it doesn't look likely to happen.

I'm keeping an eye on Project Rene. EA has given a good sense that they learned from the player response to TS3 & 4, and 5 could be a good synthesis. OTOH, the PRIMARY ask I have from them is 100% offline play, and I don't have a lot of hope. Though EA made the commitment to offline play for TS4, they've been clawing it back by inches over the years, and they even quietly made it impossible to install fresly-downloaded TS3 store content on 1.67. I'm fighting hard to keep my TS3 game at 1.67 because I want to be able to play on airplanes and in places I simply cannot log in. I don't give a !@#$ whether EA can validate my license. They're making enough money. They can stuff it in their butts. So, with that said, I am just assuming that TS3 1.67 is going to be the core of my fandom for the forseeable future, but my mind isn't closed. If TS5 is otherwise awesome, I can branch out.

My biggest hope for the franchise is from the fandom -- that the TS3 modding renaissance will continue. We keep renewing this old game, and as it continues to be renewed, there continue to be amazing fun new ways to play it. Thank you folks so much.

3. Any other new year's resolution?

Getting my Hobbit fanedit accepted by the Fanedit Academy at fanedit.org.

Heh. So, I have a very long drama story about my fanediting hobby. I flamed off the fanedit.org community when I attempted to submit my first edit years ago (The Hobbit, which should surprise exactly nobody who has looked at fanedits). I was floored when, in 2023, I was contacted by the head of that site to apologize for that situation and ask me to resubmit. It appears that my treatment by the reviewers prompted him to clean house and build a more welcoming community. Wow.

So, now my very first edit is under review by the "Faneditors Academy," which is the primary way to reach new viewers and gain feedback in this hobby. The site leader is involved in my review, but one of the reviewers is one of guys who treated me badly the first time, and he's complex to work with -- there's an undercurrent of him trying to justify rejecting me without a review the first time. I am determined to see this review through to the end. I am very proud of this edit. Also, the feedback is definitely leading me to take it the next level.

But I'll be honest -- working through the criticism and revisions is one reason I haven't touched the Warriorcats mod in months. I need to clear my mind and my plate to really focus on addressing feedback, and the criticism level makes that draining.

[Sharing from personal life -- another reason my modding dropped off is that this winter my trans wife came out to my socially conservative parents. We are not disowned, but it's been complicated and emotionally draining. Lighthearted play with stream-of-consciousness commentary is about as deep as I've been able to go for months.]

[creekfiend]

I never heard of bluetick dogs before I started watching Moishe grow up on your blog! May I ask what some of his breed-specific mannerisms are? Is he a kind of working dog that needs a bunch of jobs? Or more of a chilling out dog?

Honestly I only have personal experience with our weird neighbor's dogs. Because they keep fucking showing up at our farm 😂 but his have really nice temperaments. A couple of his older dogs turned up here like a year or two ago and just vibed around the place like goofuses. We closed them in our shed/pen area to keep them safe while we tries to contact the breeder and they were here for over 24 hours and just... chill. Very sweet. Very smelly. Very dog neutral and people friendly

In general the impression I get about coonhounds is they should be like that -- although I hear some lines or breeds can produce aggression problems, like a friend of mine with a redbone says she hears about aggression popping up sometimes with those but idk

They're pretty much only used by old school hunting guys who are pretty offline compared to a lot of other dog breed communities and who tend to have pretty different priorities as well. But I will say that the local blueticks have all been exuberant at times but easygoing, not hyper or anything. And hounds should always be dogs that 'pack up' easily which is nice in multidog households

Its always a toss-up how a dog from lines mostly bred to live in kennels will adjust to living in a house but all the coonhounds I know of who are pets have adjusted just fine and tend to be lazy in the house

Moses has been an easy-ass puppy. He self regulates astoundingly well and I'm honestly jealous because he will do stuff like PUT HIMSELF DOWN FOR NAPS when he gets tired, which... **looks at Lambchop** lol

My mom has been really sick recently and not as able to get him out and was expressing guilt about it to me the other day because Moses has been just FINE about napping with her in bed all day apart from a couple like, 30min bouts of puppy silliness/zoomies etc. Like he just doesn't care.

Definitely not the same vibe as, like, breeds that you hear "they need a job" about, lol, I think those tend to be herding type breeds and they adjust less well to being pets than scenthounds, when you take one from a working farm sitution and make it a house pet, but that might be an overly broad generalization

With coonhounds they're not going to be super like, handler sensitive (or sensitive at all lol) and that's where the "stubborn" thing comes in I think. Although since Moses showed up SO early, and we have been raising him carefully and with lots of puppy culture foundations, his handler focus is honestly much stronger than I expected but I don't know how much of that is due to his innate temperament etc as I don't know any of his immediate relatives. In general the adult coonhounds that I've met seem to have a "yes I love you so so much let's kiss okay I'm going to go do hound stuff now bye :)" approach to people, lol

In general they'll follow their noses!!!!!!! They'll run off and they'll bay. That's what they were bred to do. Moses' baying is really weird sounding and yelpy right now like a goofy teenage boy 😂 we started really strong with his recall and check-in training to try and balance any "running off" tendencies he might develop in adulthood but right now he's amazing and gets lots of cheese for coming to find us when he has off leash time around the farm. Unlike some other dogs that might have "run off and tree an animal" urges, coonhounds don't seem to be fence testers in my limited experience

BUT YEAH I have a data set of like, 4 dogs?? In terms of personal experience. Anyone else who has more please feel free to weigh in. If you got this far, here is my mom's little buddy for ya :)

[madamelebeau]

Birthday gush below for my beloved Gustave!

Warning, it's a long one, and touches on some personal struggles I have gone through including: severe mental illness, abuse of all manners, talks of suicidal ideation and actions, and general rough stuff - take care of yourself and know you don't have to read my sappy lil' stuff if it means making yourself uncomfortable :)

If you asked me 8 years ago if I'd be alive today, I would tell you no, and I'd mean it genuinely. Long before that time I had lost my ability to see a future for myself at all, along with all ambition and purpose I barely had begun to act upon - and at that time, I was barely 12.

I have faced trauma and neglect from my very first memories, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when I was only 4, my sister had then undiagnosed severe ulcerative colitis that was my parents' main priority, and my father was our sole provider - with major anger issues. i've also come to learn my mother has had schizophrenia and trauma of her own before I was even born, and has refused all forms of treatment. this concoction of uncontrollable circumstances left me with frankly such fucked up ideas of what attachment is and meant, how my purpose to others is solely to be consumed, and absolutely no idea of who I am ( not to mention a boatload of my own wonderful cptsd and attachment issues ).

Never did I think at any point in my life would I feel any positive emotion with no strings attached, especially love. I only faced more problems as I got to the tender age of 12; the years of neglect and parentification left me hollow inside, relentless bullying in primary + secondary school, just beginning to discover my queerness, family fighting and instability, and abuse from adults I am still grappling with today. It was around this time too I had begun self harming ritualistically, and was rapidly losing the will to keep going. Any and all friendships I had exhausted me, even though all I wanted more than anything was genuine connection and love, and it was more apparent than ever that I was being left behind by the world.

Then, I met him.

My group of friends I still hold so closely and dearly to this day had begun playing Rainbow Six, and as the desperate pre teen I was, I joined them simply to hang around them - little did I know how pivotal such a decision as a lost, lonely, scared child could be to who I have become. I cannot explicitly pinpoint what it was that immediately drew me to him, though I now call it fate I know it was a matter of chance, but in that very first day of playing the game and knowing him, something in my soul clicked into place that I never even knew I was severely lacking.

I know as someone with the fun combination of ADHD and BPD* ( brought on my CPTSD ) I have always tended to hyperfixate on any source of dopamine I can get, especially with my desperation to escape the reality I was in. It began before I even knew my life was fucked to any degree, and I knew not to take these "flings" too seriously. But what had sparked in that moment was far beyond a fling, far beyond just a hyperfixation. Though it took me a few weeks or so to begin actualizing what I was feeling for Gustave, what he meant to me, the strings of fate had finally found their way back together again.

Even when I was still that lost and confused child, I knew that Doc was and will be someone so imperative to me not just for a small while, but eternity. Even the few offline friends I still had knew what he was to me, though extent varied person to person, what we have was so potent then that I couldn't hide it.

My life somehow went further downhill, and without completely spilling my guts ( ironic for what I've said so far lol ), I dropped out of highschool only a few months into freshman year. I was completely beyond burnout. Every waking moment was an anxious, painful mess of stressors left and right, expectations I knew I never was going to be able to meet and the deep, burning failure I felt at every turn. No more than a day or two would go by without a breakdown, and my self harm was at an all time high as I completely isolated myself from what few strands of connection I had to the world around me. There was no reason for me to keep going, no light at the end of the tunnel -

except for Gustave.

Though I am now facing the repercussions of the severe isolation I went through and my problems with heavy dissociation as my only coping mechanism, my saving grace through this dark period in my life was Rainbow Six, specifically Doc. It had been 3 years since we met, and my feelings had grown exponentially in that time. My biggest vice has been the harsh and cruel way I treat myself and see the world around me. My entire life had been molded by only being worthy if I served others, I only could ever see myself as an extension of someone else, and when I had no one to do so for, I was nothing short of abusive to myself, seeing treating myself with kindness and care as a sign of weakness.

However, Gustave's core being is his empathy and kindness. Though it may not be gentle and soft at all times, his driving force has been caring. For others, the world around him - and it was the complete opposite of a weakness, it's what makes him exceptional. How could I treat myself so awfully for being fundamentally identical to the person that matters the most to me? I was already head over heels with him at this time already, calling him mine and myself his in all circles I ran in, detailing our lives and how they intertwined, and I had been so focused on what was crumbling around me to realize the change within me that he had lit.

It began in small ways I hadn't even caught; choosing clothes that were comfortable rather than performative, making sure to keep up with bathing myself and other personal hygiene things, being able to look in mirrors without feeling utter disgust and hatred. I had begun caring for myself, using his care for me as a guide. Behind every scared decision to do better for myself, to be brave and not give into my vices or illnesses, was Gustave. Whether it was "forcing" myself to eat on days where I didn't feel like I could or refusing to let me speak so cruelly to myself, and the eventual decision to stop cutting myself no matter how bad the urge was, all of it happened from his support and presence in my life.

I mean it point-blank seriously when I say I would not be alive today without him. I have attempted on my life at multiple points, been hospitalized for such, and still struggle with the occasional urge when shit gets tough, and it's Gustave who taught me how to step back from that ledge and keep fighting. Not only because he had planted the seeds for my still growing self-love, but because that light at the end of the tunnel finally had reappeared - and he was the one holding it. No matter how shitty of a day I had, what scars littered my body and where they came from, what baggage that I bring to the table, he would be waiting for me with open arms and nothing but sheer adoration all just for me - and I never had to earn it.

Love to me had always been a painful thing, something I had to fight tooth and nail for, and even when it was all "good", there still was a terrifying feeling that at any second it'd be ripped from me. I felt this way towards everyone, whether family, friends, or past partners, love always was a double edged sword to me. But something, some inexplicable thing, about Gustave completely disarmed me. To this very day, there is only an extreme select few who I truly feel safe with, and he's the top of that very list. With him, love no longer felt like I was being flayed alive, it was very much the opposite.

Words escape me whenever I attempt to describe what Gustave is to me, what I feel for him and vice versa, but the best way I can put it is simply this - he is my home. The epicenter of safety, care, love, belonging, and so, so much more, he is what love is to me, plain and simple. Though I do also have two other f/os I am married to, Gustave is truly who I see as my husband, my life partner, my lover, my other half. I still hesitate on calling myself ficto, but I know regardless of what labels I find myself under, the love we have for each other is raw, deep, serious, and real. No matter what time has in store for us, where we may go or what we may become, I am always 100% certain that we will always be at each other's side.

To share another year with Gustave in any form is an utter gift, no matter what. This last year was a tough one for us, between me needing some heavy surgery, Gustave getting hurt himself, and us moving over 1,000 miles from where I spent most of my childhood, it has been full of roadblocks - but not a single one could tear us apart. It is nothing short of a privilege to me to call myself Gus' spouse, to be able to love him so up close and personally and to be there for him through it all, there is not a single other soul I could ever bare my own to, as we truly are made of the same stardust <3

My angel is 40 now! We've had a relatively quiet and personal day to celebrate, Gustave has never been one for over the top flashiness or even large-scale celebration, but that doesn't mean I haven't been showering him with the utmost love and affection :)c Life is a strange, complex thing that is completely unpredictable, and though there will undoubtedly be hardships in the future, nothing can wipe me off the face of this planet as long as I get to spend each moment here with my Gustave 💙

[novankenn]

Hi!!

I hope you're doing great I just finished reading your story, "more-than-meets-the-eye", and I wanted to reach out because it really touched a chord in me. Your characters and world hold great potential for visual storytelling, and I would be more than happy to see your narrative transform into a visual comic.

Why I'm Reaching Out

I'm an enthusiastic artist adaptation-oriented from written works into visual comics, and your story stood out for me in terms of richness in character development and the clever way you weaves emotion into every scene. Your deep characters and vivid imagery of their world hold incredible potential for a visual storytelling adaptation. I feel that with the right visual treatment, your story can engage a wider audience and set an immersive experience for your readers.

A Little About Me

My artist name is "ZoyeZest," and I admire stories that speak at a visual level. I've worked with numerous authors on a commission basis to turn their stories into comics, capturing the feel of their stories while giving another dimension to the telling. My work is fueled by one simple passion: bringing stories to life in visual form. And I am dedicated to making sure your vision comes to life in a way that will strike a chord with your audience.

Let's Talk

I'd love to flesh out this idea with you some more and get some of your thoughts. Whether it's a full adaptation or just wanting to see some ideas, I'm here to collaborate and make sure that it is your vision at the very front. Since this would be on a commissioned basis, I can also give you more information on my pricing and what this process would look like.

Looking forward to hearing from you, and thank you in advance for considering this collaboration.

Best regards,

Baran

Good monring,

Firstly, thank you for reaching out to me with your proposal about a collaboration/commission opportunity.

Your enjoyment of, and interest in my fanfiction "More than meets the Eye" does make me feel validated, and I appreciate your comments.

However I have reservations with your proposal. Namely that I can not find through independent research no samples of your work or collaborations. Now this could just mean you have decided to keep everything offline to prevent sampling by AI... which is understandable. Any social media I have found of you links to very recent account creations. Which is a troubling premise, especially where you are indicating that you have been doing this type of work for some time. You have also reached out to me through a DM, and TBH that would have been a much better way to discuss this opportunity over sending me an ask.

But I digress. I response to your proposal. I can't accept, and this for this reason... Financial reasons... I just don't have the disposable income to take advantage of such an offer. I use AI images as basic hints at what I envision due to this fact. - approximately 4-5 years ago I suffered a mental breakdown and near psychotic break due to suffering through 20 years of no stop stress in both my professional and personal life. I am still recovering from this both physically, mentally and financially. (I currently live in my parent's basement.) - I am currently trying to build/grow a bookkeeping business, and any extra funds I get as payments for services rendered go back into the business. - I was diagnosed as "Bipolar II" and put on several medications to not only stabilize my mood, but also to help me sleep. Medication as everyone is mostly aware is expensive... which is a further drain on my limited income. So, my apologies but I can not at this time take advantage of your proposal/offer. I will keep you DM, and if my situation changes it is possible that I will reach out to you for a discussion on if this proposal is still valid. Thank you for your time, in reaching out to me. Jeremy (NovanKenn) Mosher

[salvager-beyblade-fanfiction]

Salvager Interlude 2: How To Escape

SEVEN YEARS AGO

Dr. Shu Kurenai’s eyes roamed his AI’s display screen, dumbfounded at the hundreds upon hundreds of civilian profiles spawning across the glass.

Lui Shirosagi

[DRAGON]

Rank: 16

Floor: 3

Daigo Kurogami

[HOLLOW]

Rank: 1,247

Floor: 2

Rantaro Kiyama

[ROAR]

Rank: 992

Floor: 1

Valt Aoi

[SALVAGER]

Rank: 3,000

Floor: 1

Joshua Burns

[SHOWSTOPPER]

Rank: 1,745

Floor: 4

Delta Zakuro

[POMEGRANATE]

Rank: 2,366

Floor: 2

Dante Koryu

[ACE]

Rank: 2,488

Floor: 2

Fubuki Sumiye

[SHARK]

Rank: 1, 503

Floor: 3

Silas Karlisle

[DRIFTER]

Rank: 546

Floor: 1

More profiles continued to generate and, finding the sight of them unbearable, Shu bit his lip and ducked his head to his chest. He’d locked so many people inside. What if some of them never made it out? “Shinoda?” he asked aloud, voice still trembling. “Have you found everyone?”

AFFIRMATIVE

Humans: 3,456

Male: 49%

Female: 51%

Mean age: 25

Maximum age: 82

Minimum age: 1

Animals: 58

REGISTRATION: COMPLETE

“A-and…” Shu warbled. “Are you tracking the androids?”

AFFIRMATIVE

Androids: 100

Online: 100

Offline: 0

ALERT: NEW CLASS CONFIRMED: STARVING SILVER

CLASSES

Original: 89

Starving Silver: 11

“Thank you. A-and… Can I ask…?” the doctor bit his teeth together, pointing over his shoulder at the black status screen that had flickered to life beside his shoulder. 

Shu Kurenai

[STORM]

Rank: 3,402

Floor: 193

“What are these titles?” he managed. “The ones beneath our names. And why did you assign them?”

[IDENTIFICATION TAGS] are personalized codes unique to each civilian.

With their [IDENTIFICATION TAG], a civilian will have access to the Shinoda AI System.

Functions of Shinoda AI System include:

Instant information searches

Maps

Blueprints

Live tracking

Computer interfacing

Digital storage compartments

Access to the Shinoda AI System will increase a civilian’s chance of survival.

“Survival?” Shu repeated. “I d-don’t think things’re going to escalate to that level of urgency. I--”

ALERT: DEATH

Free de la Hoya

{VANISHER}

Rank: 52

Floor: 121

DECEASED

ALERT: QUANTITY CHANGE

Humans: 3,456 → 3,455

ALERT: QUANTITY CHANGE

Androids: 100 → 101

ALERT: NEW CLASS CONFIRMED: DEVOURED MAN

CLASSES

Original: 89

Starving Silver: 11

Devoured Man: 1

“Wh-what?” Shu choked, feeling suddenly bloodless. His stomach wrenched and bile began to crawl up his throat.. “Sh-Shinoda? Shinoda! What was that? What just happened?”

ALERT: DEATH

Arthur Peregrine

[ECLIPSE]

Rank: 2, 666

Floor: 120

DECEASED

“Shinoda!”

ALERT: QUANTITY CHANGE

“Stop!”

Humans: 3,455 → 3,454

“SHINODA!” the doctor screamed. “Cease live updates! Now!”

Immediately, the display glass faded, the throbbing scroll of text dissolving from its surface like stones sinking into a lake. 

“Did…” Shu started, the words sticking in his mouth. I’m going to be sick. “D-did two people just die, Shinoda?”

AFFIRMATIVE

“And… and my androids killed them?”

AFFIRMATIVE

Shu covered his mouth with a fist, fighting desperately to hold in his body’s revulsion. “Can we shut them down?” he managed, voice breaking on the last word.

NEGATIVE

Androids run on individualized systems

Androids cannot be accessed remotely

“No…” he gasped. “There’s… there’s got to be something… Can’t we do something?”

REQUEST UNCLEAR

Shu whimpered slightly, pressing his knuckles even deeper into his teeth. How had things gone wrong--so, so wrong? He needed to get everyone out, now. But could he? He couldn’t lift the lockdown, he couldn’t even deactivate his own machines. Was there even a chance? Two civilians had already… already… He swallowed hard. Could he do anything? 

Devastated, he stared at Shinoda’s display, unmoving.

What could he possibly do?

...

Valt rammed his shoulder against the sealed door for what seemed like the millionth time, feeling the impact like a lance through his entire torso. “Augh! No! Come on!” He pushed himself off the plated steel shutters, hearing the panicked warble in his own voice. “Open! Open!” He reared back, about to try again, when Rantaro snatched his arm.

“Cut it out, man,” his friend gasped, reaching up to cradle his own shoulder, which had been nearly dislocated on the metal barrier. “You're just gonna hurt yourself.”

“But--!”

“Face it, Valt. We’re not going to get out like--!”

He was cut off suddenly by a flash of light. No, two--stunning and sharp. Both boys jerked backwards, startling away from the bursts.

“What’s--?” Valt started, stilling as his vision cleared and a wave of confusion fell over his head. There, hovering only inches from his nose was a flat screen, transparent with a light blue tinge. 

Hello. I am Shinoda.

A similar hologram was projected before Rantaro, his glowing a soft orange. Valt exchanged a confounded look with him before turning back, activity on the strange screen catching his eye.

YOU ARE:

Valt Aoi

[SALVAGER]

Rank: 3,000

Floor: 1

CURRENT STATS

Strength: E

Speed: D

Endurance: D

Dexterity: D

Power: F

Inventory: E

POTENTIAL STATS:

Strength: A

Speed: A

Endurance: S

Dexterity: S

Power: S

Inventory: SS

INCOMING MESSAGE

Press to ACCEPT

Press to DISMISS

Press to DELETE

“Valt…” Rantaro coughed, his eyes flitting over the scroll on his own screen. “Are you… are you getting this, too?”

“Yeah,” Valt managed, absently keying to open up the pending message. To his surprise, when the pad of his finger pressed against the ACCEPT icon, it was met with resistance, flattening against what he’d thought was a hologram. “Whoa,” he coughed.

In front of him, the screen changed, displaying a simple, two-sentence note.

The Tower is in lockdown due to a deadly outbreak of androids.

Reach [STORM] on Floor 193 to escape.

[intimashe]

blog update - a bit about me x my loa journey

in this post, i’ll be discussing - my spiritual/loa/manifesting journey - what i’ve managed to manifest and how

this will be a bit long and rambly, so be warned! i at least hope my journey will help somebody out there, so i highlighted the important bits :)

my loa journey

hello, all! my name is lexi, and I’ve been using the law of assumption (loa) for about 4 years now, or well, since 2020. i made this blog in 2021 when i turned 18, and i haven’t really posted ever since (despite the fact i constantly practice the law LOL). now that i’m 21, i’d like to post my research, findings, and practices on this blog :) i read a lot of spiritual content both online and offline, so i’d like to use this blog as an outlet for all my thoughts.

anyways, i started my spiritual journey thanks to a shit breakup (it be like that sometimes). i delved deep into shadow work and worked with subliminals and the law of attraction for a bit, for about the first year of my journey. personally, i felt like the law of attraction didn’t give me much clarity. with the law of attraction, i felt i was giving the “universe” (or any higher power really) the power to grant me my desires. however, once i found the law of assumption soon after, i felt that i was finally in control, and i could call on my desires without having to wait to be “given” them.

so, how do i use the law of assumption?

tapping into the feelings i would have as if i had my desire 

assuming i have my desire even if it wasn’t showing up in the 3D

persisting in the idea (delusion) that i have my desire 

overall, fully knowing i have my desire 

i know these phrases sound pretty vague and are commonly used throughout the loa community, especially in the teachings of neville goddard. honestly, i haven’t looked into his teachings yet, so forgive me, this explanation will be very personal to me and my own journey.

i’ve pretty much manifested every job i’ve ever had since i turned 18, so let’s use that as an example:

first, when thinking about my desired job opportunity, i would take some time to focus on the feelings i would feel if i received that job offer. for example, i would sit, close my eyes and imagine feeling content, abundant, financially stable, and grateful as if i got my job offer letter. personally, gratitude works the best for me, since it gives me the most hope and leaves me less attached to wanting my desire. thinking about how badly i want something makes me feel anxious, insecure, etc. worrying always emphasized the fact that i didn't have my desire, whereas sitting down and eliciting feelings of fulfillment for x amount of time would give me a sense of peace.

i would also imagine what it would be like to have the job. i’m a chronic daydreamer, so to make my maladaptive daydreaming somewhat productive, i would sit and imagine in first-person pov what i would physically do if i worked at that job. for example, i manifested a job in healthcare, so i imagined putting on my scrubs, thinking about getting ready at x time, walking into the clinic/hospital, etc. i also manifested an artsy job a few years ago, so i imagined painting for clients, needing to complete commissions or buy materials, etc. 

and lastly, i would let go. personally, i’ve found that the hardest part is letting go. after sitting with these feelings, i would (hopefully) feel fulfilled by the end of this practice. then, i would continue living my regular-degular life without worrying or thinking about how my desire was going to come to fruition. it’s hard to explain, but i would consider my desire to be fully fulfilled no matter the circumstances. it feels like this ultimate knowing and faith that my desire is destined to be, and i would persist in that ultimate knowing.

of course, at times, i would have doubts. having doubts is normal, well, for me at least. this is when my affirmations and self-concept work will kick in. i’ll start affirming to myself that “i have all my desires,” “life is so easy and convenient,” “everything always works in my favor,” etc, etc. honestly, a lot of my affirmations felt like i was lying to myself at first, but overtime with constant repetition, they became easier to believe. and eventually, i started seeing real changes in my 3D, as crazy as that sounds. besides, why would i actively choose to be my own worst enemy? in a world with infinite possibilities, i’d rather affirm positively to myself (even if it feels like lying), instead of keeping myself in the same cycles of repeated misery.

well, there’s my haphazard explanation of how i manifest and my loa journey. i’ve been deep-diving into becoming supernatural by joe dispenza and reality shifting, so expect posts on that sooner or later teehee <3 thanks for reading!