#tmi its almost time of the month so they have inflated

[grimmweepers]

the way my boobs are bouncing in this rocky car ride rn

[purplesurveys]

1158

survey by vandalisedsheep

When did you last run and why? Last night; I was chasing Cooper around the house since he likes that.

Does your house/flat/whatever the hell you live in need cleaning? Mmm, not really. My mom regularly cleans the house; she’d otherwise go nuts if she’s not able to.

When did you last have a real good sort out/tidy up? I took down some paintings from my wall a couple of weeks ago. Technically not a big change, but it was a big step forward in my personal life so I’m counting it.

What turns you on most (if anything) about the opposite sex? I don’t think there is anything. I like when I see TikToks of boyfriends being sweet and soft, but that’s about it.

What turns you on most (if anything) about the same sex? Thighs.

Would you rather live with a man or a woman? I’ve never experienced having a roommate but if I had to answer this on the spot, I’d pick living with a girl. I’d feel safer that way.

Do your ears ever itch like crazy for no apparent reason? :| Eh, sometimes but it’s never been a recurring issue.

Do you enjoy cooking? I probably would if I knew how to.

How often do you eat out/order in/consume convenience food? Almost never. I’d rather order from restaurants so I can be assured of its quality. I remember having to survive on 7-11 lunch meals when my mom and dad went on a month-long cruise and that to me solidified the fact that convenience store food isn’t particularly the best.

What are you having for dinner tonight? (If you've decided yet that is.) Dinner to me is always a surprise, so I’ll have to wait to find out. Given that it’s Holy Week, though, we’ll probably have something light and nothing too grand.

When did you last have people around for dinner? I think it may have been New Year’s Eve.

Do you like entertaining? Yeah, it’s nice when we have guests because most of the time we’re the ones coming over to a relative’s or family friend’s place.

Is there anything you're pedantic about? What is it? Anything to do with work. My eyes get super attentive as soon as I’m working on a Powerpoint, press release, etc. I wanna make sure everything is aligned, there are no copy errors, etc.

How often do you read? Never. I grew out of my reading hobby years ago, and even as I try getting into it these days I usually get distracted after a few minutes/pages.

Reccomend a good book (in your opinion) please: I can’t, but I know there are a number of people on here who’d be more than happy to suggest some. :)

Do you have any payments that need to be made soon? Hahaha yeah. So one of the e-wallets I use has a new credit line feature and I decided to try it out for funsies and got some Japanese food hahaha. I’m supposed to pay for it sometime this month.

Do you have any phone calls you need to make? Not really.

When did you last buy soap? My parents went to the grocery last Wednesday so I’m guessing they also restocked on soap and other toiletries then.

Are you a nail biter? A nail biter and picker, yeah.

Do you play with your hair a lot? Only when I’m attending mass and get bored. It’s an effective time-killer.

Last time you ate out, what did you order? I went to La Creperie and got their truffled sausage and mushroom pasta and their San Gines hot chocolate.

Do you have any dependents? I guess so? When I was filling out some HR stuff after I got employed, one of the forms asked for my dependents so I just listed my immediate family.

Are you currently saving up for something? Yeah, my birthday blowout for my family hahaha. I wanna order a shit ton of all my favorite food for my birthday. Once that’s done, I’d love a pair of white Nike Air Max 97s.

Do you like it when you get pins and needles? No, I find it uncomfortable and weirdly ticklish.

How about when you bang your "funny bone?"  I hate that.

What's your body temperature, right now? I don’t feel like checking right now lmao, our thermometer is all the way in my parents’ room.

Was your last relationship with a man or a woman? Woman.

Are you currently in a relationship? Nope.

Do you ever play the "what if" game? No, and not too familiar with that, actually. Is it just a game where I have to answer hypothetical situations?

When did you last eat cereal? Maybe a couple of years ago when we last stayed in a hotel; I don’t really remember as I don’t eat cereal.

What do you think your next achievement will be? Turning 23? Hahahaha idk I don’t want to jinx anything.

Are you thirsty? Not particularly.

Do you love getting all hot and sweaty from certain activities? No. It’s a big reason why I stopped working out lol. I hate getting and feeling sweaty.

Do you like having your hair pulled? (If you have any) TMI answer, but only during sex. Otherwise I would hate it.

Do any of your clocks/watches need new batteries? No, I don’t use any that need batteries.

When was the last time you did some real physical activity? Two Thursdays ago at our media event. It included a 20-minute workout session so we had to join in.

What is the smallest object close to you? Probably the USB-C connector I need to connect my earphones to my iPhone 8. That thing is so tiny and easy to lose.

When will you next have a bath? Either later in the evening or tomorrow morning; I already did this morning.

When will you next go swimming? No idea. We might have to set up our inflatable swimming pool soon once April weather comes around, and I might take a dip by then.

When was the last time you were really horny and could do nothing about it? I can always do something when I get horny loooool

What does your hair smell like currently? (If you have any!) My conditioner.

Do you know how to navigate your way through a PC using only the keyboard? Enough to get by and not damage the computer by accident.

My nose is itching now as well as my ears, does your nose currently itch? No.

[cymbalism]

dear diary, bc i don’t have one

May 30, 2020 Five years and one month ago, I wrote the post under the cut and saved it as a draft bc it was dire and self-pitying and TMI. This week I relived the same exact thing but this time, in addition to being sad and annoyed and in pain, I’m tired of hiding it. I’m tired of pretending I don’t hurt in some small way almost daily and don’t worry all. the. time. about whether there’s a bathroom nearby or if I can swallow the food I’ve been offered. I’m resentful of everyone who doesn’t understand basic anatomy and has the luxury of laughingly being afraid of needles because their lives don’t depend on knowing where their ileum is or being plugged into an IV every six weeks. 

Eleven years ago when I was diagnosed with condition that will kill me in motion so slow it’s not considered fatal, I was determined not to let it define me, not to allow myself to be labeled a sick person. I still balk at sick person but, goddamn, there’s gotta be another word for what I am because normal and healthy do not apply and sick augers pity. I don’t want your pity. I want your respect. My life is hard and I often hate it. But I’m here. With my monstrous insides full of poisonous chemicals and no time for holistic gluten-free fermented-food orange shakra approaches. My starting point is well beyond well-meaning advice. I know ways pain can slice through a body that most people can’t imagine. But I’m here. And I don’t want to be quiet about how hard it is to be here anymore. I just want people to do me—and everyone like me—the respect of wearing masks and getting flu shots and not crumpling their faces when we talk about the facts of our existence.

April 30, 2015 This morning I had an endoscopy—the thing where they stick a scope down your esophagus into your stomach. I’d been having some trouble swallowing food. It’s happened before. In fact, I’ve nearly choked to death so often (not kidding wish I were kidding but not kidding) that I’ve developed a whole mental calculus while eating to prevent it: take small bites, chew like a thousand times, make sure there’s enough liquid in the mouthful, swallow carefully, take a breath after each swallow to make sure you can, repeat. Last time this happened they found a small web, like an extra membrane that developed along the curve of my esophagus that was constricting its movement and even acting like a shelf that food, pills, etc. got stuck on. The doctor broke it up with the scope and I went on my merry way. Two years later, this morning, I went back with the same problem, only this time the web went around the full circumference of my esophagus. The remaining opening was so small the scope couldn’t go through. They had to do this thing with inflating “balloons” and stretching and the upshot is I’m okay again now, but I feel like the victim of an attempted strangulation. My neck feels bruised to the touch. Swallowing causes the scary tightness feeling that reminds me too much of choking and hurts. You know that tightness in your throat when you’re trying not to cry? It’s that, but constant. Talking hurts too—different pipe, sure, but nestled against the sore spot. I know once the inflammation from the procedure goes down I’ll be okay, but right now . . . right now I’m just sad and annoyed and in pain. My body is so determined to kill me. There are so many things to stay on top of, to keep under control . . . I should’ve been dead a dozen times over by now, but modern medicine keeps patching me up. I feel like a constant science experiment, like Frankenstein’s side project, cobbled together and resurrected. And sometimes, like now, I wonder a little bit what my limit is, why it’s worth all those resurrections, whether I should just take the fucking hint. I mean I won’t. I’ll muddle through. But.

Nobody said it would be easy, but nobody said it would be this hard.