#tmi ish? idk how to tag
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>:(
#i made the mistake of thinking my period was over so i changed back into boxers again and my body is punishing me for my hubris#my body: u thought u could escape? u thought u could wear these and not stain them with blood so theres no mistaking u are a Female™??#like i just wanna wear underwear and not wanna die but apparently thats too much to ask#bad enough that my favorite green pair is bleached bc pH differences#tmi ish? idk how to tag#dysphoria //#disgruntled octopus
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hi
#probably a bad idea to just straight up post room pics but yeah here it is. also it’s so hot in here and there’s a weird repetitive#pinging noise outside that won’t stop and also my blinds are broken and i can’t figure out how to close them so it’s too bright in here for#me to call asleep. oh but wait i brought a sleep mask AC tiu alt ok i should get that. anyways im mostly done unpacking i have to figure out#my toiletries and also it’s so plain and ugly here compared to my roommates she has so much stuff like help? i have nothing lkke look how#bare the closet is 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 hers is like totally full. and i have like no books i should’ve brought more but im getting more tmrrw.. um im#so tired and sore and sad that this is my room and it’s the shittiest one of the 4 lkke the one i would’ve wanted the least had i known what#all the rooms were confugurdd like beforehand and im SO pissed that i thought i was getting THR room i wanted and im not getting it. b ut im#like whining ik it’s not a big deal and i’ll love this one but man it’s not what i was expecting ng and idk how to make it pretty and it’s t#too small to have ppl in if that ever becomes possible. anyways. um also i live here now and like this is my room so um. yeah#purrs#one of the things i hate the most aht this is i thought my room would have like the bed rxcactly where my bed st home is and my#other stuff would like match up perfectly either to where it was at home and where it was in my brighton room and now i get this room and#EVERYTHNG is in a new and wrong place like wtf 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i wish i had KNOWN UGHHHHH IM SO MADDDDDDD i hope i stop being mad abt it but im so#mad it worked out this way AUFHHHHHHHHHHG anyways. yeah. ok im gonna try to sleep now bye#delete later#(bc like. it’s my room lol)#the way i checked in at like 5 ‘moved in’ at like 10 ish and then finished unpacking at 2. tess pepprs patron saint of chaos#also since im tmi-inganyways… the way i quite literally WALKED IN THE DOOR and got my ****** LIKE IS THE UNIVERSE OUT TO GDT ME. HELP#<- if anything delete that TAG later lol 💀
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So I was on PornHub(tmi) and I was watching this video from feelgoodfilth i think and it was this audio titled Daddy overstimulates your clit and I just thought of Tease!JK. Like tbh, I didn't find the audio sexy just cause of the fact that if it is not steamy, sensual, and in the moment, i'm just •_•. But if you listen to it, the words were ff worthy to me. So getting to the point ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵛᶦᵈ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵃ ᵈʳᵃᵇᵇˡᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵀᵉᵃˢᵉᵎᴶᴷ ᵃⁿᵈ ᴹᶜ ᵇᵃˢᵉᵈ ᵒᶠᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵃᵘᵈᶦᵒ ᶦᶠ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᶜᵒᵒˡ ᵐʸ ᵈᵘᵈᵉ ᴷ ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏˢ⁻
I really just searched pornhub like it was youtube all in the name of writing, if this ain’t thriving Chief then idk what is- also his words were highly ff worthy but the growling??? he sounded a little possessed at one point??? I fucking CRACKED up when he started growling at the end HAHAHA
Unedited like I was sleep deprived and theres probably a lot of typos but it’s straight up filth so-
Pairing: tease!Jungkook/Reader
Genre: S M U T
1 or 2k ish??? srry a drabble just wasn’t gonna cut it chief
Tags: heavy daddy kink OwO, toys, edging, orgasm denial, lots of teasing, overstimulation, forced orgasm, a little breath play, slight sir kink, and a whole lot of filthy talk
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You swallowed thickly at the pastel pink silks Jungkook held in his hands, his legs straddled over your body, cheeks red and unable to fully look at him making a laugh bubble in his lips, “Why the scared look babydoll? You’ve been such a good girl you wanted this, right?”
With quivering lips you parted them briefly, eyes meeting his wolfish gaze that store down at you as if ready to eat his prey alive. No words could escape your lips making another confident laugh escape his lips, grabbing your wrists delicately as he pulled them over your head, “You know your safe word babygirl don’t act like an innocent angel when you were begging for my cock earlier.”
His words made you squeeze your thighs together, previous arousal already sliding down your thighs as he expertly wrapped the silk around your wrists, “And you’re already so wet again, you’re making a mess all over the sheets. Did daddy’s cock feel that good?” Your breath hitched as he finished tying your wrists to the bedpost, your body completely bare and on display.
Your nipples were perked from the cold air of the room and your body was beginning to burn from new arousal and anticipation, what you didn’t expect was the harsh sting of a slap against your thigh making you whimper as Jungkook pressed his tongue into his cheek, “I asked you a question babydoll, did you like daddy’s cock?”
Letting out a whine you felt embarrassment wash over you as you wiggled, another harsh slap stung over your skin making you yelp, fresh arousal slipping from your already wet cunt at the throb of pain as Jungkook chided, “You’ve been such a good baby all night, don’t ruin it now princess-“ He grabbed your chin forcing you to look at him, “Do you enjoy daddy’s cock? Do you like the way it splits that pretty pussy open?”
Your cheeks were bright red and your lips were quivering at the way his lips twisted into a sadistic smirk, eating up the way your timidity showed, “I-I love daddy’s cock…” You finally whimpered out, thighs rubbing together as the pout twisted on your lips, having been edged all night making you more needy then ever. Jungkook licked his lips, his smirk furrowing at how good his little girl was.
Jungkook grabbed your knees making you jump at the hot touch of his hands, “What a good girl,” his praise was enough to making you wet all over again, his hands pulled open your thighs making you let out a breathy gasp, cunt spread open and on display, glossy and wet just for him. His eyes feasted on the pretty sight making your face burn all over again as you shifted nervously.
“Shh don’t worry babygirl, daddy’s gonna take good care of that little clit,” Noticing your apprehension he gently petted down your sides, calming down your nerves a little as you obediently kept your thighs open, excitement burning in your stomach as he pulled out the vibrator. It was your favorite wand and he knew that all too well, in fact you loved it even more when he was the one using it on you.
Clacking his lips he could sense the change in your demeanor, Jungkook couldn’t keep the small smile from tugging on his lips as he clicked the vibrator on, “Someones a little excited,” he teased, letting the gentle thrum of the wand start at your neck, trailing your throat as he hummed, “Does baby wanna cum?”
Your lips quivered once more as you finally let out a small whine, “Please…”
Snorting a laugh Jungkook trailed the wand down your sternum, patiently circling your breasts as he curved a brow, “You’re gonna have to do more then that to convince me babydoll.”
Feeling him click the vibrator up a setting it consistently thrummed into your stomach, the anticipation nearly killing your body as your back began to arch a little, letting out a breathy plea, “Daddy please…! Please!” Jungkook was teasing your hips now making them buck into the air, your thighs rubbing harshly together at you squirmed.
Licking his lips Jungkook let the wolfish sadism set in his eyes, enjoying the increasingly desperation your voice cracked with and the way your body was beginning to react to his merciless teasing, “You sure you want it on that pretty little clit babygirl?” He asked, a playful tone in his voice making you kick your feet as you nodded.
“F-fuck please!” Your back was beginning to ache from arching and your eyes had snapped shut at the feeling of the wand vibrating so close to your clit, but just far enough away to not feel it, “Please! Please daddy I’ll be good girl- please!” Your hips kept rolling up to meet the wand he cruelly kept away from your soaked cunt.
“Oh I know you will babydoll,” Jungkook chuckled lightly, your eyes were nearly rolling to the back of your head as he lightly placed the vibrator over your clit, pleasure quickly thrumming into your body, “My good little baby, look at that needy little cunt wanting more.” You couldn’t keep your hips still as the rode against the wand.
Your arousal coating it’s silicon surface as you slid so easily against it, friction building in your clit as you let out a shaky moan, “D-daddy- mmm! Feels so good-“ you could hardly form a coherent sentence as he began to move the wand in rhythm with your hips, moving it slightly to hit closer to your sweet spot.
Your body was nearly burning from pleasure as your moans became shaky and cracked, wetness gleaming from the wand as Jungkook turned up its setting once more, a more powerful vibration drilling into your clit as you let out a gasp, “Are you gonna be a good girl and wait for me to let you cum?” Jungkook cooed out watching your hips desperate dragged against the wand, pressing it harsher against your sensitive bud making you yelp.
Your orgasm was ready to wash over your whole body was your eyes began to gloss, trying to keep yourself from cumming, “D-daddy! Please! Please I’m so close let me cum! Daddy please!” Your hips were beginning to shake as you tried to keep them still, Jungkook continued to rub the wand against your little bud making you pull at the silk with a cry.
“Not yet babydoll,” Jungkook purred, his smirk widening at the way your body withered beneath him, little tears dripping down your cheeks at being edged so ruthlessly, moans continually escaped your lips and you couldn’t hold it anymore, just as your orgasm came close to rolling through your body Jungkook pulled the vibrator away, “What did I say babydoll? You don’t cum until I say so.”
A sob had already escaped your lips as tears blurred your vision, apologies escaping your lips left and right as your hips continually bucked into the air in desperate search for a release that would not be found, “Daddy! Please! My clit needs it so bad! So bad! Please.” You babbled out with a sob, body aching in pain for your pleasure.
Jungkook wiped your tears as he cooed out, “I know babydoll but you have to be a good girl if you wanna cum,” You nearly cried again as he placed the shaft of the wand back over your clit, pleasure throbbing more intensely into your abused nub as moans ushered from your lips, “Now be a good girl and wait.” Your body was already intensely burning again, excitement building too quickly and you wanted nothing more then to just let go and cum all over the toy.
“Daddy please…!” you croaked out with a whine, eyes shutting as you tried to keep yourself from making a mess, Jungkook ignored your whines though as he turned the toy up to its last setting, the vibraton almost painfully drilling into your clit making a near scream escape your lips as he pressed it harsher into your clit.
“Go on babygirl, cum.” Your back instantly arched and your breathing became rapidly as your hips stuttered against the toy, moans escaping you left and right as you obediently came, your clit burning in pleasure Jungkook skillfully guided you through your orgasm, your mind nearly numb from the blissful pleasure you had been denied all evening.
Your wrists were beginning to ache at your continual tugging at the silks, your back arched as you whimpered, “Mmm! Fuck- fuck! Fuck! Daddy! Mmm!”
“Good girl baby, such a good girl,” His praise was enough to make you let out another string of moans, body coming down from its high and quickly becoming over sensitive, “Now can you be an even better girl for daddy and keep going?” You nearly whimpered at him quickly rubbing the shaft of the vibratior against your clit making you let out a yelp, the thrumming in your little nub making your eyes nearly gloss.
“Daddy…! I- I can’t,” You instantly cried out in objection, your hips only continued in his hands rhythm, unable to stop at your second orgasm quickly building in your body, “It hurts!”
Jungkook let the smirk coil back on his lips, ignoring your pleas and whines as he continued rocking the toy against your clit making you let out another sob, “Well daddy’s gonna make you then, I think that little clit can handle it. So be a good girl and cum,” His voice held a low growl making you whine, your mind becoming hazy as pleasure began to overwhelm your body, “I said cum you slut.” He growled once more, his free hand slapping down against the side of your thigh.
Pressing the wand roughly into your clit making you jump as you strangled out a cry, the orgasm forcing its way into your body as your thighs began to shake, tears rolling down your cheeks as a moaned sob bubbles in your lips, “That’s right baby, keep cumming for daddy,” Jungkook rasped out, his eyes dark and hungry as he pressed the vibrator further into your clit.
“Please! Daddy I can’t! I-I-“ You wheezed at the feeling of his large hand squeezing around your throat, his lips twitching with annoyance as he dragged the toy against your overstimulated nub.
“I don’t care babydoll,” Jungkook growled, his grip on your throat tightening with a squeeze making you gag, your body in complete hazy euphoria as he snapped, “You’re gonna be a good girl and cum for daddy again.” You nearly yelped at the pressure releasing from your clit only for Jungkook to push it inside you, “How about how baby? No more excuses you’re gonna cum.”
The wet noises were obscene as your walls clenched over the toy, his hand expertly pumping it inside of you dragging it along the spongy sensitive wall of your g-spot as you let out a cracked moan, yanking against your restraints as you gasped, “I- fuck! Jungkook!”
His hand suddenly squeezed tightly against your throat, “That’s not how you address your daddy is it you little brat.” He pressed the toy into your g-spot harshly as you clenched around it, shaky legged as the orgasm forced its way into your body.
Crying you wheezed, “No sir! No sir! Fuck…!” Your mind was completely overwhelmed as you let out another sob, body hyper sensitive to every little movement as Jungkook turned off the vibrator, letting it slip out of you before setting it down. Squeezing your legs shut you let the tears slip from your eyes as you weeped.
Jungkook laughed softly as he undid your restraints, “Shhh, you did so well babygirl,” he wiped your tears before scooping up your body, laying down as he tucked you against him, needly you curled against him as you let the tears drip down your cheeks, still overwhelmed by so many sensations, “You were such a good girl for me,” he cooed out softly, pressing a kiss against your head as he tenderly stroked your back, “Do you want me to put on a cartoon?”
A small, delicate ‘please’ bubbled from your lips but as soon as he shifted to get up you squeezed onto him tighter, frightened of letting go, Jungkook managed to pull out your laptop, typing in its password before putting something on and laying back down. Crawling on top of him completely you let out a sniffle as you buried down against his neck, “Was I really a good girl?” You murmured into his skin.
Jungkook couldn’t help the smile that pulled onto his lip as he looked down at his little crybaby, “You’re always a good girl for me babydoll.” Pressing a chaste kiss against your head once more before he let you unwind eventually falling asleep. You would always be his good babygirl.
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a bit of rambling about Why I Have This Kink, under the cut for length + discussion of sexual stuff. please don’t rb this, i’ll talk about it, but i don’t really want it spreading all over.
this is really, really, REALLY long. I don't even feel safe writing about kink stuff in my own physical diary, so, here, read like 2k about my life if you wanna.
the other week i saw someone make a “is this a ___” meme, where the bird was “h/c” and the text read “is this a substitute for being cared for and loved?”. you know the one. don’t make me recreate it.
anyways, it got me thinking a bit, at first about a comment thread i recall participating in... idk, on livejournal, circa 2010 or so? though it could’ve also been on a dreamwidth community; i was active on both. anyways, it was in a thread about h/c. one comment said that the person liked reading about h/c because their parents had been pretty strict and neglectful when they were growing up, and the only time they were shown affection is when they were sick. another person replied to that comment and agreed, saying that they had a similar upbringing, except that their parents didn’t even pay attention when they were sick, so they enjoyed h/c because it let them fantasize about being the center of attention for a bit.
i still remember that conversation to this day, because it really resonated with me. like many other people, my parents also didn’t treat me well when i was sick. they were very strict about stuff like school, and would send me there with a 102 degree fever, loaded up on Tylenol. stuff like whining about not feeling good wasn’t tolerated.
(i’ve seen quite a few bloggers talk about how, as a kid, they used to be afraid of illness/injury scenes in media, and i was no exception. if, for example, a character on a tv show got a cold, i would run to the other side of the house as quickly as possible and put my fingers in my ears. i wasn’t a squeamish kid; i wanted to be a doctor and pretty much everybody knew that i was interested in characters getting sick or hurt. a lot of people say that, for them, it was due to the shame and embarrassment of knowing that they enjoyed watching characters suffer. for me, that was... sort of it? but also, i was embarrassed for the characters. being miserable from something like a cold wasn’t allowed in my house, so i felt like... weirdly bad for them, but also bad about enjoying something that i wasn’t allowed to experience or enjoy myself, and also because i knew it wasn’t a normal interest.)
anyways. i don’t think it was a coincidence that the only times i was ever allowed to stay home from school were when i had thrown up. like i said above, any other illness or injury was an automatic “do not pass go, go straight to school”, but, for some reason, if i had vomited even once, my mom would let me stay home.
i think at this point i should mention that, when i was like... 6-10? ish? my brother got very, very sick. i’m talking, “going to the hospital every week for infusions” sick. as a kid, it was very alien for me to go from being told that a sore throat didn’t “count” at home, to tagging along to my brother’s appointments and seeing the doctors get really concerned if he had a sore throat, making a huge deal out of the tiniest illness symptoms. (and for good reason! a cold really could’ve made him sick at that point.) anyways, i think that that’s another point on the “developing an interest in h/c” scale for me.
he got special treatment i could never even DREAM of. in school, he was allowed to wander around and do whatever he wanted, because he often felt sick and had to go on a walk to feel better, and he was allowed to bring hard candy and chocolate into the classroom, because he had sores in his mouth that only felt better if he had another texture to focus on. all of this was, like, 100% justified – he was really, REALLY sick, and i didn’t fully realize it at the time. he’s a great brother.
but more often than not, he was staying home at school, being cared for by my mom. it’s not a coincidence that the only way i could experience the way he was cared for – lap trays, eating in front of the TV, cold washcloths, even just being told, “i’m sorry you’re not feeling good” – was if i’d thrown up.
to me, “throwing up” became The Worst Symptom. i used to make up imaginary universes of characters who only existed to get sick or hurt and go to the hospital (in my mind, A Place Where People Cared About You And Always Made You Feel Better). i would have them go through every single illness symptom, no matter how plausible, and it would culminate with them vomiting, because, for me, that was the One True Thing that showed that they were really, actually sick.
so... nearly 1k into this post, What Does That Have To Do With Me Having A Kink? dude, i don’t fuckin’ know.
okay. maybe i do, a bit?
ANOTHER weird thing i used to do (and still do!) is like... save certain things for when i was gonna enjoy them the most? for example, if i had a snack or dessert, i would grab a book to read as i ate, so it would be more enjoyable. i was a very inattentive kid, but i would NOT daydream about my h/c scenarios in class, especially if i had something “good” planned, because i wanted to save it for when i got home, and then i’d daydream as i ate.
okay. we get a bit tmi & nsfw here.
i don’t wanna talk about this bit TOO TOO much, but due to, like, depression & medication and stuff, i was a very late bloomer. but when i did, uh, start masturbating, i didn’t... really connect it to any thoughts, i just realized it felt good. so i did what i always did when i was doing something pleasurable, and daydreamed about my characters “during.” and since all i daydreamed about was h/c scenarios (yes, even, like, YEARS LATER), it would culminate with the characters vomiting.
probably also something to be said about the fact that a big part of the way i was being punished for being sick as a kid was that, like, nobody would love me if i was whiny and gross like this. the thought that not only someone would love me BUT that they would find me attractive while i’m sick? is really [chef’s kiss]
anyways. there’s probably a lot to be said about like, stuff other people have pointed out, like how the buildup of nausea is similar to the buildup to an orgasm, but for me, it’s less about that and more about [gestures] All Of This.
i guess this also explains why for me it’s strictly about illness – as opposed to other stuff, like motion sickness, that i never experienced OR was comforted for, or like... self-inflicted stuff that i was either punished for (like, drinking, or self-induced vomiting) or stuff that was seen as My Fault (for example, eating expired food).
anyways. lotta words to explain why i’m big horny about puke, huh?
weirdly enough, tummblr dot vom has helped with a LOT of this stuff. once i realized that this WAS a kink (i was... 19 when i realized i was feeling Sexual Stuff about puke, oh my god, although looking back, it should’ve been obvious earlier, and i wonder if i always knew), making this blog and interacting w/ the community really made me unlearn a lot of the shame i felt, both about having a fetish AND about being sick. it’s really cool, y’know?
this has gotten long enough so i’m just gonna leave it here.
#here! i'm vulnerable on main! please clap!#this is the most i think i've ever shared abt my life with yall. you're welcome.#i hope that anon last year who was like 'please don't ever stop being horny' knows that i owe them my Life.#anyways! i've dealt w a lotta shame around this so that's why i'd prefer if you don't rb.
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HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS????????
This is the Mensez (pronounced Menses, like period)
Invented by a male (much surprise very shock) chiropractor, this is essentially GLUE FOR YOUR LABIA. You glue your ladyparts together to hold in all that icky lady bleedin’, then the glue is dissolved with urine when you go to the bathroom so that the blood is released.
GLUE. FOR. YOUR. HOO-HA.
Because you know, when I’m on my period, I think “you know what would solve this issue? GLUING MY GENITALS TOGETHER.”
I just. I. I can’t.
Read the article. It’s quite a ride.
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TMI Tag
I am about to hit a small follower milestone here on tumblr, so I thought maybe I could do a tag or something for new folks coming in to get to know me. Also cause self indulgence and I wanted to do something while taking a break from working on cosplay today. So thus here’s my TMI tag:
1: What are you wearing? Boxers and an oversized T-Shirt (my jammies basically) 2: Ever been in love? Yep 3: Ever had a terrible breakup? Yep 4: How tall are you? 5′7″ ish 5: How much do you weigh? Usually around 130lbs, though it fluctuates... 6: Any tattoos? No, but I plan to get one soon. 7: Any piercings? Nope, I like them on other people but have no plans to get any for myself. 8: OTP? TBH, I am a total shipper, but I donno if I have an OTP. 9: Favorite Show? Probably Voltron Legendary Defender, but not so much the later seasons. 10: Favorite bands? There are many. Recently I’ve been listening to a lot of Skating Polly. Some old faves are Sleater Kinney, Modest Mouse, Queen, etc. 11: Something you miss? Feeling like I had shit figured out? 12: Favorite song? Interstate 8 by Modest Mouse - if for nothing else but old times sake. 13: How old are you? 25, turning 26 this year. :| 14: Zodiac sign? Scorpio 15: Quality you look for in a partner? Independence, honesty, sense of humor, sense of caring, accountability, someone who will introduce me to new things? Idk there’s plenty. 16: Favorite Quote? I don’t really have one. 17: Favorite actor? Beyond thinking certain actors/actresses are hot I don’t really have faves cause I don’t know that much about celebrities. 18: Favorite color? Red 19: Loud music or soft? Loud! 20: Where do you go when you’re sad? Home, my room. 21: How long does it take you to shower? I’d say 15-20 minutes. 22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Most days I don’t wear makeup, so... 30-45 minutes? 23: Ever been in a physical fight? Yes, but when I was a kid, so idk if that counts. 24: Turn on? People with similar kinks to mine... Umm... I’m gonna go with physical attributes cause I already answered what qualities I like... I like dark hair or bright colored hair, tattoos are cool, someone with an established style or fashion sense, also particularly for men I like painted nails - usually black. Idk, I am really attracted to a lot of different type of people, so idk looks are usually secondary to me. 25: Turn off? People who don’t like cats. 26: The reason I joined Tumblr? I have no idea, I joined like 8 or 9 years ago at this point. 27: Fears? I used to have a lot, but I think I’ve gotten over most of them... Maybe rejection still... working on it. 28: Last thing that made you cry? Probably stress? 29: Last time you said you loved someone? Probably very recently to a friend or family member. Romantically? I'm not really sure. 30: Meaning behind your URL? It’s a Pathfinder Protean species. 31: Last book you read? I don’t read traditional literature as often as I’d like to. I read a lot of comics though, and I could not tell you what the last issue of a comic I read was. 32: The book you’re currently reading? Same, reading a bunch of comics. I guess the newest series I picked up is Little Bird and it is great. 33: Last show you watched? Currently watching Lucifer. 34: Last person you talked to? My mom 35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? My boss, who is also one of my best friends. 36: Favorite food? Skyline Chili 37: Place you want to visit? Japan! 38: Last place you were? I’m gonna assume this means the last trip I took given the last question... So I think Seattle? 39: Do you have a crush? Sorta but not really. There are people I’m interested in, but I’m not really looking for a romantic relationship at the moment. 40: Last time you kissed someone? Probably my ex... So sometime in January of this year maybe? 41: Last time you were insulted? Maybe... last week? Again, I don’t know. 42: Favorite flavor of sweet? I love all sweets, and I do not discriminate. 43: What instruments do you play? I played saxophone in high school, nothing since, yet. 44: Favorite piece of jewelry? I don’t really like wearing jewelry all the much. Though sometimes I like collars or ribbons, not sure if that counts. 45: Last sport you played? Maybe soccer... In highschool (I’m not a sports person). 46: Last song you sang? Whatever our last song at karaoke was on Saturday... I can’t remember. 47: Favorite chat up line? I rarely ever approach people, but I guess when I do I say something like “Hi, you’re cute!” or “Hi, [some other compliment]”. Boring, I know. 48: Have you ever used it? Yep 49: Last time you hung out with anyone? I saw my mom yesterday, and Saturday I saw a whole bunch of peeps. 50: Who should answer these questions next? I will not tag anyone. Unless you reading this would like to do this tag? Probably not though...
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Guys, I floored! IDK what I’m doing
This is a long rant/story ish thing. It gets weird at the end.
Ok here’s a peak into my life (of which, no one asked for 🤷🏼♀️).
Hi, I’m Steph, 28 (turning 29 at the end of this month), artist, barista, beach bum, INFP, 2w1, Hufflepuff. I’ve been a part of the Queen fandom since BoRhap and I’m not planning on leaving any time soon.
Ok, one of the main things that I usually don’t care that much about but has been a source of insecurities and a trigger for my depression, which I’m working on controlling that, is I’m Demisexual. I’m a unicorn, ace of diamonds, part of the asexual range, and a complete hopeless romantic. It was hard growing up not understanding that I wasn’t broken. I didn’t have crushes on people the majority of the time or slept around. A lot of my friends chucked it up to me being raised in Christianity, and in all honesty I thought that was part of it, too. I remember thinking the people I had interest in just didn’t like me because of *queue laundry list of typical insecurities often found in teenagers and young adults* (you get the gist). Through my early mid 20s I decided to acknowledge my feelings and desires to be in a relationship but not let the lack of affection, attraction, or action overwhelm me into a depressed funk. I chose to focus on the fact that I felt relatively normal for wanting those things which the American Society seems to hyper fixate on. This was the period of time I took to focus on me and being confident in my plus sized skin. This was good. I am who I am and no one can make me feel less than who I am. Around the peak of self love and acceptance, I discovered a word, a magical word, that seemed to click with who I am, Demisexual.
For those unaware of the definition of Demisexual it is not experiencing any sexual attraction to another until a greater bond is formed. Basically, there has to be an emotional bond, think friends to lovers trope. We fall under the asexual umbrella. Just because we need a deeper connection with someone to feel sexually attracted to, doesn’t mean we don’t get horny or anything else non-ace feel, it’s just more specific to the individual. From what I’ve read, since I only know of one other demi, who didn’t have a word for what she is until pride month because I was explaining my demi pride name tag I painted for work, a lot of Demi’s still have sexual urges and masterbate. We still have the need to connect with another person. We still want to be kissed in the most romantic way. It’s just with a person we know and trust.
That being said, I’m a demi who rarely has romantic crushes, friend crushes literally happen everyday for me lol, I just think people are amazing and unique! The thing about me is that I’ve had five (5) crushes in my nearly 29 years of life. Of course, 4 out of 5 of those I had a deep connection to, the other I was literally a child, living in my fantasy, but it still counts. Consequently, those four are the only ones I have ever had a sexual attraction towards. So the 4 have all been friends, close friends, best friends, and only one of those was semi acted on. We talked for a few weeks, then he decided to be an ass, (fueling my deep fear of rejection) and I told him he wasn’t allowed to talk to me or even look at me until I gave him the ok, which he respected. I have had a ‘boyfriend’, it lasted 3 weeks, was he one of the 5? No. Why did agree to be his girlfriend? Because one of the five had gotten into a relationship with our friends sister and I was so hurt because I put too much heart into a one sided thing, I accepted the ‘boyfriend’s’ affection and hoped for something to happen. I don’t know I was hoping for, but it didn’t happen. (The guy who got with our friends sister is happily married to her and I’m happy for them)
See, when I have a crush or whatever you want to call it, I go hard. I already know when I get into a *real* relationship, it will be a ride or die situation. I love hard, even on my friends. I’m incredibly loyal and protective of my tribe. I can’t help it, it’s just how I function.
This is a lot of setup for this part of my current flaming cart of shit of a life, right now, July 14, 2019. For the past, nearly year I guess, I’ve been trying to disentangle my feelings I had towards my closest best friend. I’m 99.999999% he’d never hold romantic feelings for me and that’s fine, I can’t force him to reciprocate. The main reason I decided to disentangle my romantic feelings for him was because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. It means more to me than a crush. Like, he’s so important to me and I know that if I didn’t, I’d push him away and lose one of the best things in my life. And for all of you going ‘why not take a chance on him?’, well my dears, he is on the asexual scale as well. And I respect him and our friendship too much to damage that. Queue BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY! In the earlier stages of the disentangling, BoRhap came out. This was my distraction from my feelings and ultimately what helped me work past them. Shout out to all you Queenies out there, y’all helped a lot! Anyways, I realized about a month or so ago I no longer felt those romantic feelings for him and was pleasantly joyful about that because now our friendship has gone back to normal. Around that time, a guy at my work transferred back to our store. I worked with him briefly when I was first hired, six months later he was transferred. We almost never spoke, I was shy and still getting comfortable with the people, so I barely spoke to like 3 of my coworkers. I always tried to say hi to him and a few other coworkers that I felt we could eventually become friends. Fast forward a year and half later, I’m incredibly comfortable in my work space, so much so that I, an introvert, innately shy natured person, am considered one of the bigger personalities we have in our shop. So here we are, he’s (let’s call him Craig) back, and somehow we have become pretty close. Now, I’ve never been good with reading flirty body language, I’ve always said if someone like me, I need a billboard or flashing lights, or complete directness i.e walking up to me and saying, ‘Steph, I like you a lot,’ or ‘I have feelings for you.’ So with Craig I can’t tell if he’s flirting with me or if he is very comfortable with me. He is a relatively normal cis guy, not an asshole, nerdy and cute and yes, a crush is developing for him. We send each other memes literally all day even when we’re at work together. He texted me right before he fell asleep telling me he shaved his face. I can read his emotions fairly well. We joke and laugh all the time. We haven’t hung out outside of work yet, but I really want it to happen. I’m at the point in my life that whatever happens happens with him because to few times I let my heart run away it’s come back mangled. I’m tired of it. Also, Craig got out of a 3 year relationship right before he transferred back. I’m trying not to dive in without looking, but Craig has been constantly running through my head for the past week, at least that I’ve realized. I’ve had a few sex dreams with him, fun fact: I’ve never had sex... bonus: it doesn’t make me weird. He’s definitely popped into my head when I was masterbating (tmi sorry). I just don’t know what to do. I want something to happen between us, I want him to have feelings for me, I want him to hold me at night but we work together so I have all these insecurities with that. My insecurities about my weight like to flare up when I start having feelings for someone. I’m confident in my skin except around crushes, apparently. I shouldn’t let it matter, but I know I don’t fit the standard for beautiful body, or ‘hot’ and hmmmpff. Like anytime someone tinkles that little bell of interest for me, a voice comes crawling from the grave I thought I buried it in, saying ‘no one’s going to love you or want you. how could they? you’re so fat and your boobs aren’t perfect, and look at all these pretty other people around you, how can you hold up them? why would they choose you over that cute thing there?’
Do you realize how hard it is to try to kill that voice, especially since it sounds like my mother?
Do you realize how hard it is not to hate myself for not being semi normal?
Do you realize how hard it is to not run away from my feelings for someone? To not just hide away forever hoping someone will come rescue me from my thoughts? To not just friend zone Craig and leave it at that?
I should just find a therapist.
Sorry.
.
P.S. I’m still figuring out the other part of my sexuality, meaning demi is a precursor to homo, hetero, bi, pan, poly ect. I think I’m demi-pan-sexual
#I have a lot of thoughts#idk what to do with this#not really queen related#personal#demi#demisexual#asexual#pansexual#demi-pan#queen fandom#my story that no one asked for
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thanks for the tag @middlenamemothman 😊
nicknames: i dont really have any?
zodiac: pisces ♓
height: 5'9"ish
hogwarts house: idk i was never really into harry potter
last thing i googled: how to get pokemon to follow you in isle of armor (look i dumb and forgot to look behind me 😂)
song stuck in my head: try to change by mother mother
follower count: 769 (nice) (mostly bots and inactives tho and im to lazy to go thru and block the bots)
amount of sleep: i get anywhere from 8-10, depending on when i go to sleep and if the dogs decide to scream at 5:30
lucky number: idk if its my lucky number but im quite fond of 8
dream job: something with cats, probably in a rescue environment and im toying with maybe a cat behaviorist
wearing: my pajamas: a ratty old rainbow tie dye tshirt and a pair of basketball shorts lmao
favorite song: oh man dont make me choose, right now its probably burning pile by mother mother, but that could change in an instant
favorite instrument: i love acoustic guitar and have been wanting to learn to play for a while but havent gotten the motivation to sit down and do it yet
aesthetic: hawaiian shirts, ripped jeans, cats, lots and lots of cats, fresh baked sweets cooling on racks, big airy windows with a gentle breeze blowing in, knickknacks and trinkets from different trips/experiences
favorite author: hate to admit this but i dont read much anymore so idk (i wish i could read more :/)
favorite animal noise: the kitty activation noise when they wake up and see you 🥺🥺
other tmi: i hope this is coherent, i just woke up and i didnt want to forget to do this lol
@my-patronus-is-a-chocolate-cake @birdofanxiety @americancirconflexe @its-my-mental-breakdown @bill-nye-official-blog and any of my other mutuals or anyone else that wants to do this, sorry morning brain rip
17 Questions, 17 People
@platTagging you for tagging me @forever-rogue! You’re a babe. <3
Nicknames: Pretty much everyone calls me Abby and it’s usually how I introduce myself, but my dad and my older sister call me Babbers sometimes. My mom calls me crabby Abby when I’m angry >:(
Zodiac: Taurus
Height: 5’1″
Hogwarts House: Slytherin
Last Thing I Googled: I don’t know if this counts, but my sister used my phone to search “Find my Android” because she couldn’t find her phone.
Song Stuck In My Head: “Dream a Little Dream of Me” and “Twist and Shout”
Number of Followers: 700 something. Just way more than I should have.
Amount of Sleep: It changed a lot since quarantine. I think I’m averaging around like 9 or 10 hours! But before, it was around 7 or 8 hours.
Lucky Number: 17 (it’s my favorite number, but numbers and I don’t mix well…)
Dream Job: Director/Screenwriter… just kidding it’s superhero
Wearing: pajamas…
Favorite Song: Not a possible answer, but I’m really digging When I’m Sixty-Four by the Beatles, Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, Sister Golden Hair by America, Paparazzi by Lady Gaga, Paint it, Black by the Rolling Stones, Just A Girl by No Doubt, Come a Little Bit Closer by Jay & The Americans, Taking a Chance on Love by Benny Goodman, and Let’s Face the Music and Dance by Nat Cole King. (Sorry I know it’s a lot of old people songs, but I’m in a nostalgic mood today ig)
Favorite Instrument: violin, ukulele, piano (but jazz on the piano is pretty tight)
Aesthetic: black pens, hair ties, Buzzfeed Unsolved, flowers, dresses, strawberry ice cream, green pens, post-it notes, INFJ (am I doing this right?)
Favorite Author: I don’t have one… I kind of just like whatever I like, you know?
Favorite Animal Noise: uh… you like when fish just kind of… make bubbles?
Random: If I don’t make it in the movie industry, then I plan on working for the CIA or going to law school
tags tags tags @angelinathebook @loki-ismyaesthetic @mojofun @queenofchaos7 @nsfwsebbie @absurdthirst @hopelikethesun @alwaysbethewest @scarlettwitcher @generallydepressedhooman @playbucky @aodabarnes @bellesque @huitzilinthebudgie3 @winters-buck @teenagereadersciencenerd @thottytron5000 @omg-imagine
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SHIPPING INFO // answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. don’t reblog.
1. WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE? : alexander gideon lightwood & magnus bane aka the loves of my life don’t touch me i’ll cry
2. WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING? : i’m honestly game for anything like ?? idk just love me & alec.
3. HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? : in canon, alec’s dating a warlock who’s several hundred years old.... so, like an age gap isn’t really an issue lmao. as long as they’re both of age.
4. ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? : a bit yeah. it’s kind of hard for me to ship alec with anyone beside magnus because their relationship is so influential to alec’s development. it takes a lot for alec to get comfortable around someone too so like... that can be an issue when wanting to ship but i’m always down for plotting or just going with the flow once/if there’s chemistry.
5. HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW? : probably once all clothes are off idk lmao i haven’t ever really thought about it. i don’t do smut basically but i don’t mind if it starts getting a little steamy.
6. WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH? : um, in canon no one else besides with magnus. i had a few ships on my old blog but.... i can’t really remember them besides sora’s dante RIP.
7. DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? : i mean yeah. if i reblog a ship meme any mutual can send me it. doesn’t mean i’ll always respond but if i do we can then talk about it & see if something could actually develop between our characters.
8. HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP? : i live for ships but i am really picky about who i ship with. like we gotta be close ish & have talked a lot for me to be comfortable shipping with you ( most of my ship partners i’ve known for years so ) but give me all the ships !!!
9. ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE - OR - LESS? : i will never stop talking about our muses. if we ship i’ll annoy you to death 100% guarantee. & probably make you cry because i only like pain rip.
10. ARE YOU MULTISHIP? : is that even a question. absolutely omg.
11. WHAT IS ( ARE ) YOUR FAVORITE SHIP (S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? : MALEC. that’s it. no one else. i don’t care about any other ships in tmi lmao
12. FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? : first, it always starts as a joke ( LOOKING AT SORA ) & then somehow it turns into an actual thing we both end up regretting. but honestly it depends ! sometimes we just start discussing the possibility. other times it’ll start by sending memes. sometimes people just ask !
tagged by: @presdnt // nannie i’ve missed u sm !! tagging: @demonkiiller, @malevolentqueen, @partofwar, @goldtinged, @saviorheart & @urulxce or whoever else wants to do it.
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This is the My Shadowhunters Blog tag! Answer all the questions, then tag 5 of your followers.
Thanks for tagging me @lizcantspell <3
- What is the title of your blog? ‘Fandoms Unite’ (Since I’m multi fandom trash, this fits pretty good, tho I should probably change it after all this time xD) - What is your age? 18 - What is your gender? I honestly don’t know at this point. Until I find out I’m going with she/her pronouns :’) - How many followers does your blog have? 150-ish - What Shadowhunters character(s), ship(s), or actor(s) does your blog focus on? I don’t really focus on anything xD But I tend to reblog a lot of Malec stuff. - What post(s) got your blog noticed? I still need to get noticed xDD - Have you read any of the books in the Shadowhunters universe? I plan on reading all of it but I’m currently at Lady Midnight - If so, which one(s)? Currently reading Lady Midnight - Which book/series was your favourite? - - Who are your favourite characters from Shadowhunters? Simon, Magnus, Alec, Izzy. In that order. I also love Maya. - Who are your LEAST favourite characters? I can’t think of one, this is bad isn’t it?
- What is your favorite thing about the cast? The cast is just so close and they’re like family and just the most adorkable people. - Who are your BROtps in the cast? I don’t really see much of the cast I’m too lazy to watch interviews and such i’m sorry - What are your top 3 favourite episodes so far from both seasons? I totally don’t know what episodes these are but: The one with the wedding from S1 and the one with the party @ Magnus’ place in S2 - What is your favourite fan event that the cast has attended so far? idk - Do you write Shadowhunters fanfictions? I wish I would xD - If so, what is your name on ao3, ff.net, etc?
I tag everyone of my followers who watched Shadowhunters / read TMI ( @rosesscatterinbeauty u maybe?)
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TMI Time !!!
tagged by @doritobes Thaankkk YOuuu DAnnniii 💕💕˖✧° o( ´ ♡ ` )o˖✧° Asdhfsjfk sorry, I was supposed to post this last night but I fell asleep while wokring on it whoopss …..
Rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… and most importantly, HAVE FUN!
A - Age: 17
B - Biggest fear: Probably talking to like official people !???!? Idk how to explain it ?? Like idk people who got like some high-ish title with them like they could be the principal or some person high up in their job or something !?!? Idk I just nervous and scared af when having to talk to them and it makes me wanna pee my pants more than water ever will
C - Current time: 4:27 AM
D - Drink you last had: Water IN MY LIGHT UP MUG LIKE HOLY SHIZ I LOVE MY LIGHT UP MUG THAT SHIT LIGHTS UP AND ITS COOL OK
E - Every day starts with: A very complicated debate filled with reasoning whether to hit the snooze button one more time or finally get out of bed
F - Favorite song: hard to choose one ??!?!? but rn The ones I’m listening to the most are ZenZenZense by Radwimps or We are by One Ok rock
G - Ghosts, are they real: my soul is real yes :)
H - Hometown: (idk if this means where i was born or where I live??) I’ll Just say I’m fromI’m from Down Under ;) Australia.
I - In love with: :)))) give me someon :)) pls :)) yes gimme that shoujo anime life where i meet my love :))) Jks just give me a good doggo and we will live happily ever Arrf Arf ffter
J - Jealous of:
a person with the good looks, smart AND talendted
people with sooo mucch confindence (like spare me some, pls)
people with doggos
K - Killed someone: I killed a fly with a butter knife does that count
L - Last time you cried: umm?? Like maybe 1 or 2 weeks ago??? asdfhalsjkdfhlkasjhdflkjhskl Doing Uni enrolments are so stressful smh
M - Middle name: Mae
N - Number of siblings: 3 !!!! ahhahaahah Me, the middle child, getting the best and worst of both worlds of being the older and younger sibling rriippppp
O - One wish: Ability to get my life together ?!?!??!
P - Person you last called/texted: my mum, asking where dinner was
Q - Questions you’re always asked: “WHY ARE U SO QUIET???” “MIA WHY/WHAT??” “WHY ARE U LATE AGAIN THIS TIME??” “WHAT TIME DID U SLEEP???” the last 3 questions come one after the other quite often lmmmaaaoooo
R - Reasons to smile: (Me)mes I got a new blender to make smoothies with (I broke our old one just 2 days ago whooopss)
S - Song last sang: Happy Birthday ??!? does that count
T - Time you woke up: ??? 2:30pm I think ???
U - Underwear color: Grey and White
V- Vacation destination: J A P A N. PLS. I NEED TO GO THERE. also i heard sushi there is waaayyyy cheaper and better than here in Aus
W - Worst habit: Replying to people in my mind and forgetting not noticing that I haven't replied to them out loud. Then I get yelled at for not replying and I’m just?!?!? I DID REPLY. And then I slowly come to the realization that I may have never actually replied out loud…. and then I get pissed that they didn’t hear me reply for some reason … Like GEEE MIA I WONDER THE FUCK WHY THEY DIDNT HEAR U
X - X-rays you’ve had: Idk ?? Maybe ones of my teeth for gettin braces and stuff and I remember going into those CAT scans too once but I don’t even remember what for at this point?????
Y - Your favorite food: SUUUSSHHHIIII (or like anything potato or cheese related)
Z - Zodiac sign: Ariesss
tagging 5: @sugamama-koshi @oikawa-toorude @hopeful-afternoon @ kim-taevhyvng @nee-mrlevispeakerr
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🍑tag🍑
tagged by anna,, @exciting who is ? An actual flower. A REALLY kind and supportive flower from ur grandmothers garden who has a funky wardrobe ! nickname: Elly, other random things!! star sign: Virgo! Tell me if u know much about virgos! height: currently 174.5 cm ! last thing i googled: pink floyd ! favorite artist: I love all art and anyone who creates it! song stuck in my head: history maker 😩 last movie i watched: uhhH I don't really like movies (attention span isn't great) but the last one I remember would be the wild thornberries go to Africa or something ? last tv show i watched: probably crazyhead or midsommer (?) murders when did you create this blog: I think it was the beginning of last year ?¿ what stuff do you post: memes, dan and phil, aesthetic and yuri on ice occasionally ! do you have any other blogs: yes ! I have trashcandan which is my main, but then I have goldylox which is aesthetic and positive stuff! I have a studyblr but what I won't be sharing that here :) do i get asks regularly: not often !!! Occasionally if I reblog an ask meme but no :(( why did i choose my url: @dil-howlters-pink-ring was giving URLs away! I saw this one and I was hella surprised it hadn't been taken! My friends say it's terrible but I love it and am attached to it now lol gender: cis female hogwarts house: ravenclaw :) I was hufflepuff for a while apparently! I don't feel attached to either tho, I relate to slytherin more idk why! favorite color: mustard yellow or a bit lighter as of rn average hours of sleep: 8 to 10 ish, depends !
lucky number: 7!! It's my mums, I've liked the number seven since I was little. A solid number ! favorite characters: oooooo Levi and Reagan (fangirl), baz (Carry on), Shaun (Feed Trilogy), Jude (I'll give u the sun), scorpius (HP), Magnus Bane (tmi), more! how many blankets do i sleep with: one !¡ dream job: photographer for a magazine (or like, super successful blog), artist, something in media! following: a bit over three hundred? I need more blogs to follow 😩😩 I tag some babes (take a friggin sip) :: @phansucc (I hate writing that >:0) (terrible) @flowury-boy (a cute boi) and @stormydaylester and @lesteresce !
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tagged by the ever-amazing alexander @whiskey-not-entirely-straight ily alexander thanks!!
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? orange juice probably idk
2. Where was your blog picture taken? ?????????? how the fuck should i know that? i edit most of my icons and shit though so i probably did that on my personal laptop tbh.
3. Worst pain you’ve experienced? emotional or physical haha? emotional: The Worst Day Of Karate Camp. i won’t overshare but boy was that day not fun and the summer following it continued to be a bit of a disaster. physical: probably that one time i got kicked in the uterus during sparring class while i was already having cramps. sorry for tmi but i’m just answering questions haha
4. How many times have you been married? i have been married zero (0) times.
5. How late did you stay up last night? 1-ish? probably?
6. If you could move somewhere else, where would it be? canada or scotland. probably scotland because i miss it more than i miss canada.
7. Do any of your Tumblr friends live close to you? ......not that i know of. i’m eventually gonna make a massive road-trip once i graduate so i’ll probably manage to visit some peeps if that ever actually happens haha :D
8. When was the last time you cried? i drew some sad fuckin bullshit yesterday so probably at that? unless crying right now thinking about crying counts. in which case, right now. (do not take this as a joke i am genuinely crying as i type this haha rip)
9. Who took your profile picture? someone.
11. How many marriage proposals have you had? serious? none. i’ve proposed to one person in a group chat jokingly because they came up with a great AU that i loved.
12. If you could have any career, what would you have? counselor. maybe. maybe a florist who writes books in their spare time.
13. What was the last book you read? uhhhhhhh probably the welcome to night vale book. or at least that’s the last one i read that i remember reading/intending to finish.
14. If you could talk to ANYONE right now, who would it be? my tumblr friends ily and i wish i knew how to start conversations
15. Are you a good influence? probably not. i make bad decisions so i ain’t exactly a good role model, but at least i’ll attempt to get you to make good decisions if you ask me for advice.
16. Does pineapple belong on a pizza? sure, just not mine. i don’t like pineapple, but if i did i’d probably like it on pizza.
17. You have the remote, what channel would you watch? i’d put it on Netflix??
18. Whom do you think will play along? .... @dovecandies maybe?? :):)
19. Have you graduated from university? i haven’t even graduated high school.
20. Your Favorite Football Team? yes,,,, i know Sport,,,,,,,, my favorite team is the one with the bright colors and the animal mascot,,,,,,,,,,,,
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