#tmi cherub

[cyancherub]

the ghosts in my room watching me beat off for the fifth time in one day:

[writertitan]

ive been thinking about the iud as well! im teetering between the copper and hormonal. have u found anything like weight gain etc with yours? (also your responses are SO funny we love a comedy qween)

this is a comedy page aha 😛

in all seriousness, for all my period-having cherubs who are considering an iud, here is what i experienced with my hormonal one and also here is why i decided to get it:

heaviest periods, all the time, and so much suffering from how painful and irregular they were

got it put in for free bc it was part of a health study lmao (but i will continue to use iuds for the rest of my life)

was a painful insertion, sorry to say it

mild pain/soreness for maybe a day or two after before it completely stopped being uncomfortable

did spot for a few months after but it only required a panty liner tbh and YES it was continuous spotting

i blame my iud for one of my boobs being almost a full cup size bigger than the other one but it’s ok

this part is different for everyone but i completely stopped getting periods after i was done spotting. i think i would just see some mild spotting once a year that lasted maybe a few days and still only required a panty liner

my mood stabilized a little bit tbh bc my periods were CRAZY and PMS is real

i think i gained a little bit of weight, i’d say i gained about 5 pounds and i notice that it fluctuates between my ”typical” weight and this new +5lb weight

now that i’m hitting my 5 year mark with my iud, i have been noticing that i get mild periods once in a while, but they seem to be on schedule now (full moon periods) and they are absolutely nowhere near how bad my “normal” periods were and still only happen maybe every other month if that

in a similar boat, now that its getting closer to needing to be replaced, i can see a shift in my mood and i am definitely more emotional now that the hormones are depleting and i’m slowly gaining back a semblance of a menstrual cycle lmfao

i get pelvic pain sometimes that is a little different than cramps, feels more like sharp tugs that i think is my iud tugging on my tubes to make sure those bitches don’t step outta line

all in all, for me it’s awesome and i don’t mind the bigger boob and i don’t mind the weight gain bc honestly i think most of it went to my boob anyway

[every-angel-is-terrifyingg-blog]

Raphael

I won’t lie, I’ve wanted to put off this post.

There are a few things I need to get off my chest and a few elephants I need to address before I can really talk about my boy Raphael.

 If you’ve ever spent five minutes in the Good Omens tag, then you’ve heard of the “Crowley is Raphael” headcanon. It’s compelling to some people because the Archangel Raphael is a healer who looks out for humanity and snakes have a traditional connection to healing. Not to mention we don’t see Raphael in the show.

When I first saw this headcanon, I thought it was an interesting “what if.” However, it’s a “what if” that presents complications. Crowley doesn’t perfectly align with Raphael’s lore, which I’ll be getting into today. It also presents a bit of a paradox. There would need to be a pretty good explanation for why we humans know about Raphael and why we consider him one of the Big Four Archangels (ie Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel) if he’s fallen.

I’m not here to try and change minds. I’m here to enthuse about angels. So, if you like the Raphael headcanon, please understand that you need to find a good solution to a few roadblocks to make it work. I also hope the information I’ll provide is helpful.

If you headcanon Crowley as a different named angel, any named angel, I’m happy to talk lore and give information. Again, not here to change minds. At the end of the day, I just want more excuses to talk about angels without people assuming I’m religious. Also, I sometimes worry that the Raphael headcanon will drown out other voices/ideas and, well, that’s just not cool. The wonderful thing about fan communities is creativity and the stifling of creative expression is always something to be mourned.

My personal take? I think Crowley was a worker bee angel who very accidentally got where he is today. I also kind of like the idea that he was one of the fallen angels who taught humanity about astronomy/astrology as mentioned in the Book of Enoch, but my preference is that Crowley was essentially a nobody. It’s more satisfying to me to think that a nobody became the serpent in Eden and what not. If you disagree, that’s fine.

Okay, I’ve delayed things long enough. Let’s focus on Raphael, Archangel MD. Who is he and what is he about?

Raphael (God has healed) is one of only three angels that are named in any canonical text, the other two being Michael and Gabriel. This alone makes him the third most important angel we have.

He is first mentioned in the Book of Tobit, a text that is outside of the Hebrew canon and Christians are split on (Catholics say canon, Protestants say not canon). In the Book of Tobit, Raphael heals Tobit’s blindness and acts as a travel companion to Tobit’s son Tobias. He disguises himself as a a human, claiming to be a relative named Azarias (Yahweh helps). After a long journey and some miracles, Raphael reveals that he is one of the seven Archangels who sit by God’s throne.

After the big reveal, Tobias and Raphael reach their destination. Tobias wants to marry a woman named Sarah, but the demon Asmodeus keeps killing her husbands before they can consummate the marriage (rude). Raphael tells Tobias to smoke the demon out by burning a fish’s liver and heart. It works and the two humans can get married.   

Raphael is attributed as a doctor angel in a few other places. The Zohar states that Raphael is the one who is in charge of healing the earth and is a protector of humans. In other stories, Raphael helped Abraham heal from his circumcision, fixed Jacob’s leg after some celestial wrestling, and gave Noah a book of medicine.  

In the apocryphal Book of Enoch, Raphael is further established as an angel of healing. After the fallen angels mucked things up on earth, Raphael was tasked with fixing the planet. Along with this, Enoch names him as a Watcher and a guide to Sheol, the underworld.

Being a very important angel, Raphael is referenced to a number of times in other stories.

It’s thought that Raphael’s equivalent in Islam is Israfil, the angel who will blow the trumpet to announce the Days of Resurrection. Some believe that he tutored Muhammad before Gabriel delivered the Qur’an and that he cries three times a day over the vision of Hell. What’s fascinating is how Israfil is depicted. He’s gigantic, hairy, covered in mouths and tongues, and has four wings: one to cover his body, one to shield him from God, one that stretches east, and another that stretches west.

Here’s what I’m wondering, are the mouths separate from the tongues or does he just stick all his tongues out of all his mouths?

The Midrash Konen says that Raphael was once the angel Labbiel. Before God created humans, there was huge argument in Heaven over whether or not humanity was a good idea at all. Labbiel and a number of other angels supported God’s desire to make humans. Because God is God, He got final say. The angels who disagreed with God were burned (rude) and Labbiel got a promotion and a name change.

In Jewish mysticism, Raphael along with the other Big Four (Michael, Gabriel, and Uriel) observe all the bloodshed in the world and watch over the Four Rivers of Paradise.

In the Testament of Solomon, King Solomon needed help building the Temple, so God sent Raphael. Raphael gave him a magic ring engraved with a pentagram (the Seal of Solomon). This ring had the power to control demons and so Solomon completed the temple thanks to demonic slave labor.

Some traditions place Raphael as a guardian of the Tree of Life, which grants immortality. He also oversees evening winds and is a champion of science and knowledge.

Raphael’s angelic rank is...tricky. He’s called the chief of Virtues, second sphere angels who ensure that miracles are preformed on earth (so, in Good Omens, are these the angels who told Aziraphale he was preforming too many frivolous miracles? I like to think so. Virtues do outrank Principalities after all.).  However, he is also called a Seraph, a Cherub, a Power, and a Dominion.

I’m going to go with the rank my pal Johnny Milton gave him, which is Seraph. I also just really like Seraphim. They’re second to Thrones in my book.

Well, I invoked Milton, so now it’s time to talk about Paradise Lost.

First, Raphael is an important character in Paradise Lost because he is sent to go visit Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and tell them what’s what. Second, I’m pretty sure Adam has a crush on Raphael.

When Raphael is introduced, Milton spends a lot of time describing how beautiful Raphael’s six wings are and just how hot Raphael is in general. He’s so hot that his “glorious shape” is proof alone that he’s from Heaven and not Hell. Raphael tells Adam and Eve that he’s there to answer some of their questions. Eve decides to leave Adam and Raphael alone, presumably because Adam won’t stop making heart-eyes at the angel and it’s embarrassing.

Well, the narration says it is because Eve wants Adam to explain everything to her later, but I like my read better. It’s way less sexist and more fun.

So, Adam and Raphael sit and down to eat and this is A Big Deal. Scholars have argued for millennia on whether or not angels have physical bodies and if they operate like human ones. I’ll do a separate post on this another time, but this whole scene with Raphael is Milton making his stance known -- angels have bodies and they need to eat.

Milton also takes the opportunity to be much more woke than anyone expected. Adam gushes about how amazing sex is and asks Raphael if angels do it. After blushing, Raphael says yes.  Angel sex is the kind of sex that has no lust. It is instead a celebration of love among pure entities. Some scholars believe that Milton wrote this to argue that sex can be enjoyed without shame and sex can be beautiful.

Adam asks Raphael several more questions about Heaven and the nature of existence, which Raphael does his best to answer. One question is about the movement of the stars and Raphael teaches him some quick astronomy.

(I’ve seen several people comment that Raphael has a connection to the cosmos and this is the only piece of evidence that I can find. Did everyone get this from Paradise Lost? I’m genuinely curious.)

Regardless, Raphael being the “sociable angel” tries his best to explain God in a way that Adam can understand. None of the other angels have tried to get on Adam’s level like this, so it makes him stand out. Most importantly, Raphael tells Adam about the war in Heaven and Lucifer’s fall.

This conversation takes place in Books V-VIII. So, this lasts a while.

When Adam and Eve are kicked out of the Garden, God sends an angel to tell Adam how much life is going to suck from now on. You’d expect it to be Raphael, but sadly, it’s Michael. Michael is a much more distant angel, so it really drives home that Adam and Eve no longer have that same personal relationship with the divine.

Also, they can never ask their angel friend TMI questions about Heaven sex or admire his hotness ever again. And that’s why they call it Paradise Lost.

Dumb jokes aside, Raphael has very much earned Milton’s title of “sociable angel.” As both doctor and angel, he is closely tied to human affairs and has excellent bedside manner.

Could he be Crowley? That’s ultimately up to you. This Internet Person says no, but I’m just an Internet Person.

Sources for this post can be found under the “My Resources” tab. Check out the “Who Am I” tab for more info on this blog and the author.

[cruzrogue]

Quantum Leap

#Fictober19 @fictober-event

————————————————————————

for fanfiction:

Prompt number: 16 “Listen. No, really listen.”

Fandom (AU if applicable): #arrow fanfiction #olicity

Rating:PG

Warnings/Tags: Future/Past Time travel (Different Earth)

Summary: Felicity leaves with the Monitor but not everything is as it seems she is being used on a quest just like her husband. Instead of entering this quest in 2019 like Oliver Queen she’s entering it in 2040. Somehow different points of entry into alternate earths are needed. Her life has become like the show: Quantum Leap.

Added prompt: Can you imagine this scenario: Goth Felicity in a coffee shop, working on her laptop, while overhearing some girls' conversation at a nearby table. LL is one of them and she is talking about how Ollie would stop cheating on her once they get married. And the other girls around the table agreeing to the crap L is trying to sell them and herself. I can see and hear Felicity's snort from here. Perhaps L needed a reality check, a wake up call from a take no shit Felicity, and perhaps whatever Felicity says would penetrate.

Notes:If you’ve seen Quantum Leap this is loosely based on it because I watched it religiously like so many other sci-fi/action shows back in the day. I’m using what I can recall.

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

Quantum Leap on A03

Felicity is not to happy. When she called upon the Monitor to see her husband after twenty years it was time to keep her promise to Oliver. Not land it pivotal points in her history. She doesn’t even understand why she back to her college days. Is she supposed to keep Cooper from doing the stupidest thing ever and getting arrested? Its months till she meets him so what is the purpose of coming to this particular time frame?

She must say though that it’s kind of cool to see herself in Goth attire not like that drugged up version of herself when she hallucinated that wasn’t the best version of her at all.

“I guess if I’m stuck in the past and I’m supposed to change something or another, frickin’ if I’m going to play Sam in all this time world travels, Dr. Sam Beckett needs his Admiral Al Calavicci, so I can Quantum Leap out of this mess.” Unfortunately for her there is no The Observer to be her holographic adviser. At least she is in her own body.

She than mimics the Monitor, “Where I’m taking you there is no return.” Rolling her eyes, “No shit! We just going to Quantum Leap my ass to help balance things out.” She sighs loudly as she needs to add one more dig to all this, “I’m the frickin’ one who doesn’t wear a mask and I’m supposed to what? Diddle dandle the situation like Macgyver? Who does he think I am?” After finishing her little rant, she can almost feel like this whole scene was just witnessed and man if that is true, she just puts up her middle finger to add insult to injury. Not like the Monitor has any sense of humor but sticking it to him makes her feel somewhat better even if its fleeting because she is stuck in the past in whatever Earth number it is.

Heading to her dorm she remembers how much her roommate stunk up the room with the weirdest homeopathic aromas. Wouldn’t be so bad if the girl picked a scent and committed to it. Entering her room, she greets the roommate and heads to grab her laptop. There is this newish coffee shop a few blocks south and well-being anywhere but here sounds like a good idea.

Of course, being a mix of her old self physically and being the older wiser woman, she becomes mentally she feels a little free. All that growing pains and self-doubts are gone. She can sigh a breath of relief in that at least. She could waltz down any particular street and sing ‘I’m off to see the Wizard’ and having people look at her weirdly be like ‘yea what are you looking at? Never seen a girl sing off key before?’ Hence, she decides to do just that as she’s crossing a busy street.

“We're off to see the Wizard The wonderful Wizard of Oz

Because, because, because, Because of the wonderful things he does We're off to see the Wizard The wonderful Wizard of Oz”

 What she doesn’t expect is the city may have some loons because a few people join her unexpectedly. What starts off as just being an idiotic move becomes a full-length sing-along and she’s laughing hysterically but by the time she reaches the coffee shop she back to her non-singing jolly self.

Finding a comfortable place to at least check on everything that matters to her by using the convenience of the internet. At least the programing is the same so surfing is her game as she submerges herself into all that is technology.

All is well for many hours, plenty of coffee and sugar to fill her hearts content. She even picks a salad with the right amounts of protein just because she can hear the little Oliver cherub on her shoulder telling her to eat right. It takes a voice to break her from her concentration. It’s not the voice itself that got her too glance around the cutesy coffee shop. It’s the specific laugh of denial that she’s heard from a certain woman before but just as soon as the alternate version of her made its way into her life.

She wishes she wasn’t privy to hearing they’re conversation but as Laurel starts to talk about Oliver she just can’t walk away. Those three women may now have her undivided attention. It may be a train wreck waiting to happen because sometimes TMI is a real thing. She doesn’t need to know their sex life because that would just be creepy. Not that Laurel didn’t share what she thought Oliver would love from her. It still gives her shivers thinking about those few conversations she couldn’t get out fast enough. Luckily it was a one-time Sara Lance intervention session that helped Felicity never hear another Ollie liked this or that conversation. She made sure to thank Sara very well for that sweet deed.

“Ollie, eventually will find himself and he’ll take his father’s company by the horns. When he does, he’ll have me proudly supporting him. No one supports him like I do.”

“Laurel, aren’t you two on a break now?”

“These breaks are just to rejuvenate our longing. He’ll miss me and I always get what I want. There is this gorgeous pair of earrings I hinted to him that would look so nice with the necklace he gave me last time.”

“He loves to shower you with gifts.”

“Well I did mention to him that showing such gifts is important to show relevance in a relationship status within his peers.”

“Smart, this way he knows no other men will try to steal you away. He’d be crushed.”

“It would only serve him right. Though Ollie would settle down after marriage. It would only take the right woman.”

“Of course.”

Laurel lightly chuckles as she features her hand to her chest in a whimsical manner, “I am the only woman for him. No one knows him as well as I do. He knows his discretions are easily forgiven.”

“A tit-for-tat?”

“If he knows what’s good for him. I’d be the devoting wife, the part I was born to play.”

“But he has cheated on you regularly.”

“Ollie will surely stop cheating once we are married.”

“Well you two would make a lovely pair.”

“Thank you. You are so right. The boy is mine and I don’t even have to try. Though I am planning that once we are both back in Starling, I’ll slip some lame story about some of our friendly couples having moved in together.”

“Smart! Right?”

That gets Felicity to snort. She does it so loud that she gets their attention. Oh no she went from casual observer to now a participate and she doesn’t know what to feel. Maybe they’ll ignore her and continue with the most asinine conversation. Is this the Laurel she never met? Because she is not the wannabe strong girl she tried to project. She really is coming off a petty gold-digging princess.

When the three go back and act like nothing happened it not until the next doozy that has Felicity snort and try to hold her laughter. It’s a if she understands now why she is here. She still mumbles to herself, “This is not something I want to do.”

At least her Goth appearance has them concerned in a way that says she’s is battle ready. She enters their conversation and asks, “What on this green covered earth makes you think a man who cheats on you holds you in any esteem?”

They’re answers so bland and vanilla that Felicity takes some pity on these three fools.

“You are seriously okay with being a second fiddle to your own story?”

Yet again answers so bland Felicity just shakes her head.

“And when he finally tires of you and sends you away with whatever prenup you’ve signed how will that fill your longest nights? Because where I am standing you happily giving up the best years of your life for a  guy who has his secretary without a mere thought about it buy you the personal gifts while you need to call her to set up an appointment to schedule time with him.”

‘It wouldn’t be like that. Ollie is sweet and just the kind that needs those friendly pushes. His mother told me that herself.”

Felicity lets out a dark laugh, “She’s okay with you being a doormat?” and Felicity takes a hard look at the other two woman who are egging her on. Her attention now  solely on Laurel, “Listen. No, really listen.”

“It is the way of the world. You just don’t see it because your…” She waves her hand around Felicity’s Gothic look. “Unexperienced!”

“Is that so? Let me advise you that appearances can change. We also see what we want to. If you see yourself as a sell-by-date nearing expiration and just sell yourself short. You’ll deserve the short-comings because living with ourselves is a lifetime guarantee. The mirror yields for no one.”

“Ah!” Laurel just looks at this girl who budded into her conversation. Some of what she says scares her. She’s heard a similar version from her dad. Her friends are urging her to forget what this dark-dyed hair bimbo is saying. Laurel is the lucky one, she has a guy who’ll will figure his shit and go back with her because she’s been faithful to his lifestyle.

“It’s your call. You can respect yourself or be that obedient doormat to his parents and eventually husband. If he respected you. You wouldn’t need these pep talks by girls who really don’t give two quacks about you.” Felicity has said her peace if Laurel wants to continue on her scheduled way so be it. In the end it’s her choice.

Felicity says her regards and goes back to her spot to pack up its time to see if her roomie has left to her boyfriend’s place for the night. As she starts to head back home Laurel calls out to her. Oh, she forgot she introduced herself by first name only. They talk a bit more but the other girls who were some bad cheerleaders were still in the coffeeshop. Laurel seems to head some advice but to Felicity it is just too early and her words could be forgotten in a heartbeat.

Entering her place, she sees a newspaper left on the cover of her bed she just going to move it to her workstation when she sees the words dance upon the page. It is dated a future year but falling on the same day.

Judge Dinah Laurel Lance-and a last name she has never seen welcomes second daughter.

Felicity places her hand on her mouth in surprise, no… she didn’t help! Did she? Then she continues reading and she can’t believe those few minutes actually helped. Laurel’s first-born daughter is named Felicity, the newspaper saying it was after a girl she met years ago that got her to reevaluate her life choices. WoW!

Just like Sam Beckett she’s whisked away but not by falling asleep and waking up in a new reality. She is somehow guided to her new life. One step closer to Oliver.

  ~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

Can you believe 15 more prompts to go... The month is flying by!

[spitereigned]

Misc appearance hcs for her angel verse

TRUE FORM SPECIFIC:

Remember how I said that cherubs are actually supposed to lookterrifying and less humanoid than the archangels? yEAH.

Without being confined to a human host (which she is) you’d probably mistake her for being a demon, not an angel. Hell, even if she slipped up in her glamour, someone with the Sight could still make that mistake.

Why: has a small, dark set of horns; long, talon-like claws; “unpure” looking wings (see below); the fact their mission is literally to be big and scary warriors

Wing hc if you missed it (yes I know they’re supposed to have 4 wings, bite me)

Huge, huge wingspan that’s said to be v noisy (subtly is for cowards)

Cherubs are taller than humans, generally large and imposing creatures

Probably has a higher degree of glamour (or possible shapeshifting) abilities depending on how literally you want to take the Biblical passages describing their ‘likeness of four’ and ‘likeness of man’.

Can and will growl at you to try and throw you off your game on the battlefield

VERSE SPECIFIC:

physically bound to the body of a willing host, marking them and preserving their body

gives her host the appearance of very plump, rosy cheeks

Not a directly appearance hc but she’s very jealous of humans and how god damn beautiful they are.

If you wounded her, she would first bleed as a normal human would. Maim her and watch ichor spill from the wound. You could, in theory, harm/curse a host so badly she would be unable to heal and require a new one.

for shadowhunters/TMI threads: she probably just as marked up as any of the nephilim are, albeit in the more archaic runes from the Gray Book and several undocumented ones. Not like it’s going to be easy trapping an immortal into a mortal’s body, especially when she does not want to be there. I’m not CC, but I would assume there would have to be one specific to ‘binding’ or ‘trapping’ right over her heart or between her shoulder blades.

Nephilim and Downworlders who constantly interact with her will eventually see her horns on her human host, which is a shame because she thinks it’s hysterical to act like a mundane around them

[rymurrsneckbeard]

Oh hey I’m reblogging this old post because I wanted to share my Olli stories from that night with @austonsforehead. Also I now have new followers so go check out my awesome night with the Pens back in February!

So I have an absolutely amazing friend who makes considerably more money than I do and she needed someone to go with her to the Penguins Night of Assists event. Her husband was unable to attend, so she offered to buy me a ticket as long as I would drive her there. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS IS MY LIFE.

SO.

Under the cut here I’m gonna ramble about how amazing this whole event was and there are gonna be a LOT pictures if you wanna see my awkward face.

Keep reading

[neverhada-cluee]

🦏 on main warning

This video oml oml its killing me.. I’ll never hear him ,, in his prime , say mama,,,, HE DIDNT KNOW ME AND I NEVER GOT TO SIT HIM ON MY LAP, FEED HIM BOTTLES OF SOY MILK, MAKE HIM CRY , SEE TEARS ROLLING DOWN HIS LITTLE CHEEKS BECAUSE I TEASED HIM TOO MUCH , I WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL COMPLETELY INFERIOR TO ME TO THE POINT HE IS SOBBING ,, AND ALL HE CAN DO IS JUST LAY HIS PRETTY LITTLE HEAD AGAINST MY BAZONKAS AND WHINE😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 JUST AN ABSOLUTE CHERUB 😭 its PAINFUL 😭 HIS VOICE he sounded like he had a ball stuck in his throat but in a good way :-( ITS SO UNFAIR JESUS CHEIST NUST LOOKA FJJWJ GO

The way he does those little teeny tiny smiles it makes me want to do good things on earth ❤️ like donate to charity… or adopt a homeless puppy.. SOMETHING TO FILL THE MATERNAL MOTHERLY VOID THAT SCREAMS WHENEVER I SEE HIM 😭 😡

I JUST. I WANT TO SQUEEZE HIM SO TIGJT HE CANR BREARHE I WANT TO TICKLE/?/HIM I WANT TO STROKE HIS STOMACHAKNFKAMK WITH THE LITTLE TRAIL WKFLWKFLLWI WANT TO BOUNCE HIM ON MY KNEE I WANT TO FEED HIM )-£:&@-;& CEREAL OR SOMETJING FROM A SPOON WLFLAF DRIBBLING DOWN HIS CHIN 🥛😴😂😵‍💫😵‍💫AND I WANT TO GIVE HIM A PILLOW AND MAKE HIM DO IT EIGHT THEN AND THERE IN FROMT OF ME🤔🤔🤔🤔🕺🤣😂🎷😮‍💨🎷😂🎷😵‍💫HE COULD ABSOLUTELY 100000000000% RUT AT MY THIGH LIKE A STUPID DUMB BRITISH ANIMAL

He WOULD DEFINITELY MOAN A BIT IF SOMEBODY SCRATCHED HIS HEAD LIKE A DOG OR SOMETHIENG 👹👹💋💋🎷💋🦏🦏🎷😮‍💨

THIS!-!:&/&/ photo 😭 waaaaaaaa my maternal instincts kicking tf in right now

Im not sure if i wanr to absolutely care for the chapZZ let him sleep all day and bring him cookies and mwah stroke head and bobmilk like a good patriarchal being OR BULLY HIM FIR BEING A PISSY CRYBABY WHO’S TOO CLINGY AND NEEDS MAMA AND cough cough would look good with pretty bruises cough cough E ❤️

Tmi FOR SURE but HE WOULD LOOK SO GOOOOOOOODODOD PISSING HIMSELFKWKFKKWKRLWKFLEKF??/?// HIS FACE… CRYING… AND HE CANR SROP SAYING SORRY 💕🤍❣️💕… idk anyways he’d 💘💘💕💕💘💕 i’ll shut up now. Too far … god damn😮‍💨

But at the end of the day it sjust💋💞💕💞💕 malcolm makclolmxamxolsmxkaoclwllfw malcolm M A L C O L M malcolm mallcum

😫😫young malcolm mcdowell has my whole uterus💓💓💓💓😫😫

[cyancherub]

something rly satisfying about transitioning into adulthood after growing up w narcissistic parent(s) is watching them try desperately to exercise all types of control over you and fail

[themomsandthecity]

7 Things I Say to My Kids That Mean "I Love You"

In our family, I am the hammer. I set rules, enforce expectations, and dole out reminders. So. Many. Reminders. My unrelenting exterior does not earn me mother of the year in the eyes of my charges. I'm not the parent to cave and tell you it's OK to skip homework, leave your bike out in the rain, or not feed the cat . . . because you juuuust doooon't feeeel like it. At a glance, I may not seem like the most nurturing parent. But I am. Every command and reminder I give to my kids is infused with love. As proof, I've made a handy reference guide for my crazy, exhausting, but on the whole lovely children (who think I am way too full of directives). So, dearest cherubs, my hope is that one day, years from now, when I am the voice of reason or encouragement you seek out (on purpose!), you will understand what I really mean to say when I boss you around. 1. "Sit down and eat at the table." The bulk of our evenings are spent in frenetic chaos: bathing, cooking, dishes, homework, teeth brushing, and rushing past each other barking out directives from opposite ends of our house. At mealtime we sit together as a family; it is my lifeline to you. We discuss the "highs and lows" of our day. It's the one guaranteed time you allow me to peek into your lives as an independent fourth grader and carefree preschooler and hear what you guys think about stuff. Sit down, because while you eat your mac 'n' cheese, I am slathering on family glue, sticking you to me so you'll come home in the Spring breaks and holidays of the future when you are living your own lives . . . full of better things to do. 2. "Put away your (insert tripping hazard here)!" One day you won't live here. I know this blows your mind, but one day you alone will be responsible for yourselves. With astronomical rent prices and the need for built-in social circles, you will likely have roommates. Anyone with roommates can tell you that those who leave the common areas a mess are everyone's least favorite. Being Least Favorite Roommate is no fun. Pick up your sh*t; you'll thank me later. 3. "Practice your instruments." If you truly hated this, we'd skip it. (But your halfhearted resistance to my requests is as good as enthusiasm, so we trudge onward.) Your grandmother made your dad stick with piano and let's just say it wasn't a deterrent to him becoming my boyfriend (eww, yuck, I know . . . TMI). Guitar is portable and pianos are often present at social functions, so your bases will be covered later in life when music is needed to liven up a gathering, which is never a bad thing. Besides, music will nurture your soul - so, you're welcome. 4. "Stop with the potty humor (and profanity . . . well, just the 3-year-old)!" OK, I'll let you in on a secret; you guys really do crack me up. Sometimes while you are making up new lyrics to "Baby Got Back," I'm fighting back laughter. When a plucky preschooler takes one look at dinner and proclaims, "Dammit, I hate peas!", it's near impossible to keep a straight face. BUT . . . I have to. So your teachers, coaches, and pretty much every other adult in your lives will know that deep down you are polite, respectful kids. You will learn as you age who you can push the boundaries with (and let the occasional fart joke surface), but until then, it is my motherly duty to tell you to keep. it. clean. 5. "Brush your hair." You were both cursed blessed with thick, voluminous locks. It is sometimes an act in futility to brush them, so you have given up. But we have to try. Why? Because some people (no doubt parents of kids with silky, straight, compliant tresses) will judge your cleanliness - and my parenting - by the neatness of your coif. When you are in college and shaggy, unkempt hair is "a look," you will both be rockin' it with gusto. But for now, so the world at large knows you shower, brush your hair! (Or let me do it.) Either way, it must be done. 6. "Ewww, use a tissue!" No hidden meaning here. Just. Don't. Do. It. Ever. Ewww! 7. "Help me in the kitchen." I make you read recipes, find measuring cups, and put away strainers. The kitchen is your friend. One day when I am not a permanent fixture in yours, you will need to make food so you can survive. It's true your father made it through college and young adulthood on cereal and canned soup, but I want more for you. (Hey, a mom can dream!) The oldest of you can make a sandwich, quesadilla, toast, and a salad. Clearly, there is room for growth, but I'll take this as proof you won't starve. Youngest child, you already handle an electric mixer like a champ, so there is hope. In addition to providing nourishment, kitchens are the heartbeat of the home. Formative conversations, family bonding, gut-spilling, and good things happen there. Trust me. These are cliff notes of a larger story, but it is testimony of my love for you. My fierce hope is that in the future (without me around), when it's you against the alarm clock, college finals, you first job, or being a decent, respectful housemate or partner to someone, you exceed expectations, that you pass with flying colors, that you kick ass at being a grown up. I nag you because I love you more than words can say, and if you listen closely, that is what my words do say. All. Day. Long. Even though to you I sound like an adult in a Peanuts cartoon, one day you will understand - I am saying I love you. Related: 66 Positive Things You Should Be Saying to Your Child 47 Empowering Phrases Your Child Should Be Hearing From You Daily 30 Questions to Ask Your Kid Instead of "How Was Your Day?" http://bit.ly/2ls0lyi

[cyancherub]

financial independence changed my whole outlook on life i really mean that. i will work my ass off and i will do it for MYSELF and it feels so rewarding to know that i dont have to answer to anyone about my time or money but ME. it gives me the motivation to do the best i can so i can give myself the best life possible u know

[cyancherub]

Unpopular (personal) opinion but: why do I find cum to be kinda gross? It’s prob just me but I guess just looking at it (irl I mean) is kinda blegh

KSFDKJSDKJF no i feel u because i would be blocking my nose every time i swallowed so i didnt have to taste it<3 its just unpleasant generally.. ESPECIALLY WIPING IT OFF AFTER THE MOOD HAS DIED LIKE..take ur nut milk back man i dont want it anymore

[cyancherub]

some of the most evil shit is sending ur loved ones a bunch of hateful texts in a row knowing it could completely ruin their day.........like dont u ever go back and read that shit and think. wow i rly am insane

[cyancherub]

minding my business and then all of a sudden period cramp stabs me directly in the anus n nearly makes me leap three feet into the sky

[cyancherub]

whats up w moms and calling u out of nowhere to talk to u about smth random but rly they are just taking out all their resentment on u

[cyancherub]

have u ever had a dude suck on ur ear during the deed... full disclosure its kind of delightful

[cyancherub]

cant go one day without fighting for my life on the toilet 💔 my bowels hate me