#tlou2 finding strings

[abbysthighs]

*Awkward chuckling*

[total-dxmure]

✦ INVISIBLE STRING THEORY →【ELLIE WILLIAMS】→ CHAPTER THREE

pairings: modern!marine ellie x reader

summary: the marines didn’t ruin ellie. ellie ruined ellie. after being medically discharged she feels lost. being sent to live with joel is more of a last ditch effort to save her and less of a fun reunion for the father-daughter duo. jackson is worlds different than chicago, but the fresh air and sprawling countrysides are a welcome reprieve. ellie finds herself finding comfort in more than just the change in scenery though. after losing your girlfriend due to an accident you feel as though you’ll never find love again- but that was before meeting ellie williams. the two of you figure out that you have more in common than just the fact that she and your girlfriend were both marines though. tethered by some invisible string, the two of you meeting has to be fate. who would have known that you were the golden ticket to ellie’s recovery?

warnings: eventual smut! lots of tension building and mutual pining. ellie falls first and hard. small town girl meets a frightening, strong ex marine. TW: talk of panic attacks, ptsd episodes and death. come for the ellie smut and stay for the plot and fluff. (A/N: here we are, the meat and potatoes. the fic is really kicking off. . . and they're already flirting?! ellie is so touch and affection starved that she nearly jumps out of her own skin every time you even look at her.)

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from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this. DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

In that halfway space between waking and sleep it was hard to discern what was real and what wasn’t. Your bed felt warm, sheets still tangled around your arms and legs. The weight of your blanket on your chest could easily be confused with another’s body, and so you felt yourself smile. Warm, happy, safe- 

Abby was behind you, her limbs expertly twisted around yours like she’d done it a thousand times before. . . and she had. 

Slowly you opened your eyes, staring blankly ahead of you into your pitch black bathroom. You recognized the fresh scent of your shampoo, and felt the way your hair still clung to your hot cheeks- wet from your shower the night before. It was like you were suspended in a memory, everything all soft and fuzzy around you. The dots weren’t perfectly connecting, and still you were happy. For a second you just laid there, unable to look down at the hand you could feel so vividly at your waist. Would you see Abby’s knuckles when you looked down? Would you see the rubber promise ring she had insisted on wearing? Everything always had to be even and fair with her. 

This morning felt familiar. Like you’d lived it before. Your breath left you in a rush when the bed creaked behind you. 

“Abby,” God, she was back. She was back and she was right behind you. “Baby?” 

There was a soft groan and then the arm tightened, bringing you into a warm chest. Her bicep squeezed your arm tightly against her shoulder, and all at once you were tucked in so tight. Confusion tugged at your features, and you mulled over exactly why you were clinging to her arm so tightly. 

“What’s wrong?” She whispered against your hair, her voice still thick with sleep. Still, her fingers stroked at your bare stomach. 

“I had a nightmare,” You mumbled, trying to recall exactly what had plagued you just seconds ago. You can’t remember now that you’re safe here. . . safe with Abby again. “You were gone and I was all alone.” 

Those moments came back to you in flashes. The ache, the constant pain of losing her, the “learning to live without her” that crushed you entirely. You turned around in her grasp, nuzzling your nose into the crook of her neck. You took deep inhales, trying to still your rising panic. You could feel the steady beating of her heart against your cheek, the warmth of her bare breasts against your collar bones. 

“I was gone?” She raised a hand, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, a few golden strands falling onto her forehead as she moved her head against the pillow beneath her. “You can tell me about it if you want.” She offered supportively, petting your back in slow circles. 

You don’t know why. . .  but you missed those circles. It felt like you’d been without them for weeks. Months. 

“I-I got a phone call. . . and they told me that you’d died,” Your bottom lip quivered, your eyes filling with tears. You couldn’t help but laugh pathetically at your unnecessary hysterics. Abby was right here. Everything was okay. “It felt like the longest nightmare I’ve ever had. It was horrible.” 

“You did so good though.” She whispered, her hands still stroking. 

Your muscles tensed, and slowly you moved your hand up her side, fingers brushing against her skin. You pressed a soft kiss against the underside of her breast, a tear breaking free past your lower lashes. This moment suddenly felt fleeting. 

“I did?” You questioned, pulling away to look at her. 

She was so beautiful. Like an angel had fallen from heaven and landed right in your bed. The sun was just beginning to rise, setting the line of trees just outside of your window ablaze. She was diaphanous and golden laying there beneath you. You were so lucky. You could barely breathe when she looked up at you like that, her eyes so thick with pride and love. 

“You did, baby girl. You stayed so strong.” She cracked a small smile, but it looked pained. Like she was also realizing that the two of you couldn’t exist here forever. “I need you to keep it up though, alright?” You couldn’t feel her hand on your back anymore, nor the softness of the sheets. 

“Please,” You sobbed out, reaching out to cup her cheek. She didn’t feel like anything. Like your hand was molded around a pocket of open space. Nothingness. She was about the size of the palm of your hand now, her urn sitting on the mantle in your living room. “Please don’t leave me again.” 

Her blue eyes stared up at you, proud and unwavering in their convictions, as they always were. . . always had been. “I’m never far. Pinky.” Promise. 

And then you were in your bed again, the alarm on your phone blaring. 

“Abby?” You mumbled, and you didn’t have to turn over to realize you were alone. 

Ellie was good at putting pressure on herself. It had always been a form of motivation, as cruel as it seemed. She couldn’t let today be awful. No episodes or meltdowns and no long bouts of silence. You were pretty and it really seemed like you could use a friend. 

Ellie could use a friend too. 

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d shown interest in a girl. She’d always been career driven with a one track mind. She was good at overworking herself and running herself dry. She hoped that you’d be able to use that to your benefit today. Ellie wanted to lose herself in something. . . in someone. She wanted to be useful for the first time in what felt like a long, long while.

So she woke up at the butt crack of dawn and took a shower. She kept her eyes shut tight as she washed herself and didn’t even bother to towel dry her hair before she was pulling on an outfit. Thick droplets of water stained the shoulders of her jean button up as she tied up the laces on her boots. She focused on one shoe at a time, her mind preoccupied with thoughts of you. Every once and a while her brain would wander, hellbent on self destruction, but with a small groan she’d remember the sadness in your eyes. 

She’d remember who she was before the accident. 

She moved down the stairs as quietly as she could, praying that Joel’s dog wouldn’t start barking once he realized that his new best friend was leaving the house. The keys to her old car were on the rack beside the front door, right next to Joel’s flashy new pair. He’d told Ellie over dinner that he’d been maintaining the beat up old Jeep the best that he could, meaning she at least had a little bit of freedom while she was back home. 

She locked the door behind her, the cool morning breeze stinging against her wet ears as she gracelessly stumbled down the stairs, juggling the bulky set of keys in her hand. A huge metal spaceship that Joel had stuffed into her Christmas stocking senior year, a neon green carabiner she’d bought at one of the gas stations closest to her school, and a few other childish charms that she couldn’t place any meaning behind swung from the nearly ancient keychain. Her sense of self expression and style back in those days was tacky to say the least, but she appreciated child-Ellie nonetheless. 

“You poor child.” She teased under her breath, climbing into the driver's seat and shoving the key into the ignition. She sucked in a breath and held it before cranking it up. 

To her surprise, the clunker started right up, though the engine shook the steering wheel a little when she put the thing in reverse down the driveway. She hadn’t driven a car since that night at the gas station. It felt a little weird to be behind the wheel, but even stranger to be back here. Jackson was a beautiful place. . . but it didn’t feel the same way that it had before. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her age or the changes that were happening inside of her. The streets still looked the same, aside from some very minor changes to neighbor's houses. She barely paid any attention to her surroundings when Joel had driven her through town yesterday, and she was a bit scared to see the differences. She didn’t want to dwell on those thoughts or do any soul searching, so she reached out for the radio, pressing play on whatever CD had been shoved into it last. 

Depeche mode began to blast over the speakers, and she let out a small sigh of relief. At least her music taste wasn’t horrible in high school. 

But it was no wonder she didn’t have a girlfriend. Ellie wouldn’t have dated little Ellie either, that was for sure. 

She felt a bit crazy to be driving in the opposite direction of town. Back when she lived here, town was the only place she was headed when she was allowed out of the house. It was no wonder why the two of you had never really crossed paths. She used to complain about how far off in the “middle of nowhere” Joel lived, but your farm had his ranch beat by fifteen minutes. The houses got fewer and farther in between, and despite how much Ellie truly did enjoy the city, she couldn’t deny how beautiful the countryside was. The sprawling fields, grazing animals, and splattering of wild flowers had her rolling down the windows of her car, ignoring the chill so that she could get a better look of her surroundings. 

Even the air quality was better in Jackson.

She’d been down this road a few times in her life, having been in the backseat of Joel’s car every single time. She recognized your home from her memories, but your last name didn’t mean much to her back then. She slowed her car down to a crawl, staring at the large sign that sported your family name proudly. 

Ellie would be proud of the farm too if it were hers. She bumped down the drive five minutes earlier than you had told her to show up, staring with wide eyes at your house. It was two stories with a balcony- white with green shutters. The wrap around porch was screened in, protecting you and any guests you might have over from bugs that thrive in the summertime heat. 

Your stretch of land belonged on a painting, and for a second she worried if maybe she wasn’t the right friend for you. This house was too nice and Ellie. . . Ellie wasn’t very nice at all. She'd only talked to you for five minutes yesterday, but she got the feeling that you were a "good girl". You were wholesome, which wasn't how anyone in Ellie's life would choose to describe her. She slowly made her way up your front steps, and for a second she wondered if she should leave. It would probably be better if she did. Ellie could always just lie and tell Joel that she couldn’t find your house. . . he’d probably drop it after insulting her about her bad sense of direction. 

Ellie couldn’t afford to get a crush on anyone right now either. It was horrible timing, and what would be worse is if you actually ever returned those feelings. How was she supposed to explain to you that she wouldn’t ever make a good partner? She couldn’t protect you from anything, not when any loud sounds or bright lights had her falling to her knees. She was careerless, depressed to the point where she had completely lost who she was, had a drinking problem, and was quite certain that she’d combust the second you’d touch her. She was touch and attention starved, but hadn’t remembered that she was even able to desire someone until she’d seen you yesterday- 

You’d be dodging a bullet if she hightailed it right off of your property. So she turned on her heel and stared at her boots as she began walking back down your stairs. Her feet kicked up dirt as she made her way back to her jeep, hand already reaching into her pocket for her keys- 

“Did I not hear you knocking on the door?” A feminine voice called out to her. 

She sucked in a breath so hard that she let out a loud cough, eyes widening as she turned around to face the porch. You were wearing a pair of dirt stained jeans today, though your hair was fastened back with a white bow. Ellie, despite her previous need to protect you from herself, couldn’t fight off the urge to get closer. There was something different about you today. You were a bit manic, your hands already busying themselves with straightening out a few of the potted plants on your porch. You seemed a bit anxious, but you didn’t comment on it so neither did Ellie. Any boundaries you had yesterday with her were gone. You flashed her a wide smile, sauntering up the drive so that you could wrap her up in a tight hug. 

Your arms were shaking as they weaved around her neck, pulling her in close. She froze, limbs locking up in surprise as she tried to fully grasp what was going on. You were treating her like an old friend, someone you were excited to see. Ellie didn’t know why you’d be so happy to see her. . . but then again, she was happy to see you. She remembered what Joel had said last night.

Maybe you were sick and tired of being alone. 

Your bare arms were cold too- freezing as her fingers accidentally brushed the backs of them. Ellie realized that she had gotten here just in time. If anything, she cursed herself for not showing up twenty minutes earlier, if only to save you from whatever had you this shaken up. 

“I probably knocked too quietly. Should have knocked louder, huh?” She mumbled, biting the inside of her cheek as she gave you a gentle squeeze. 

She wasn’t used to holding someone like this that wasn’t Dina or Jesse. You felt nice in her arms. Your muscles weren’t hard or rigid like hers, you were all soft and rounded edges. Gentle curves and arms ready and willing to embrace her. Flushed cheeks and silk bows. You smelled wonderful too- sweet and floral, like Jasmine mixed with honey. She didn’t want to let you go, and you didn’t seem ready to end the hug either.

You were still quivering. 

“Yeah, you should have.” You agreed, giving Ellie one last squeeze before taking a few unsteady steps back.

You hadn’t been completely sure whether or not she would show up today. Waking up this early was a lot to ask of anyone, let alone someone you had just met yesterday. Still, a part of you had hoped that she would be here. On days that were this bad you found it impossible to work, no matter how busy it kept you. You often spent “mental health days”  laid out by Abby’s grave or buried six feet under pillows and blankets in what used to be your shared bed.

Ellie’s presence changed things. 

So you squared off your shoulders and cracked her a wide smile, praying that it looked genuine and not forced. 

“Let’s hop in my truck and I’ll take you on a little tour of the property before we get started.” You tucked your bottom lip between your teeth as you watched the woman take a few steps closer to you.

Ellie looked like she wanted to say something but was holding herself back. You weren’t sure whether or not you would be able to handle her prying or the pity that would follow. 

Your fingers twitched at your sides, wishing so deeply that you hadn’t woken up at all this morning. Ellie was beautiful- gorgeous even. You would have been head over heels if you had met her years ago, before. . . well, before Abby happened. Still, her beauty wasn't enough to completely distract you from your grief. A part of you felt guilty for even finding her attractive as you slid into the front seat of the truck. 

Maybe that was why you’d had such a strange dream last night. Or maybe. . . maybe it wasn’t a dream at all. Maybe it really was Abby trying to tell you that it was okay to move on. That was confusing to even think about, and it made you count the months since her death on both of your hands, trying to gauge if enough time really had passed. You didn’t want to be alone anymore, but the thought of being in love with anyone seemed like an impossibility. Everything was broken. How could you ever love anyone the same way that you loved Abby? You’d just be doing that other person a disservice. 

That’s right, you were cursed. 

You could feel Ellie’s gaze on the side of your face as you made your way down the dirt road, up towards the hen houses. You blinked a few times, the apples of your cheeks heating up in embarrassment. Slowly you met her gaze, lips twitching up in a small smile as she quickly looked away from you, nervous over having been caught. 

“My dad built ten large coops, so this whole fenced-in area right here is where the chickens graze.” You stopped the car and put it in park, keeping the old thing running like you usually did during your quick morning chores. Sometimes the poor truck had a hard time starting back up, and you’d probably burst into tears if your newfound friend had to walk a half mile back to the house with you. 

“Do you guys have any problems with foxes?” She asked, keeping up with your fast pace as you unlatched the front of the fence for the both of you. 

Your nose wrinkled in disgust, and you were quick to throw your arms up exasperatedly. 

“Oh god, do we! I had to get someone out here to change out the fence just six months ago because one of those little fuckers had somehow managed to dig it’s way into their area. Killed seven of my poor girls.” You remembered how angry you were when you’d pulled up to the coops that morning. Burying seven dead hens wasn’t a pleasant experience for you, but it wasn’t something that was new. Still, you hated knowing that they’d suffered in their final moments. 

“Jesus, I’m sorry.” Ellie looked around the area, finding it impossible not to notice how well kept everything was. The coops were freshly painted, the grass was gorgeous and plush- bright green under her feet. Truly, your farm was an oasis. She’d never seen anything quite like it before, and you'd barely even started the tour.

“Can I hold one?” She asked meekly, smiling up at you shyly as you turned to look at her. You didn’t exactly take her as the type of girl that would want to hold a chicken, but you were happy to oblige her. 

“One of my mamas just hatched a few chicks. Would you want to hold-” 

“Yes.” She quickly added, jogging off in the direction that you were pointing, eager to hold anything tiny and fluffy that you had to offer. 

You were shocked at the laugh that bubbled its way out of your chest. A genuine, good natured laugh that you found hard to contain as she began impatiently tapping her foot as she waited for you to catch up. 

“Didn’t take you for a chicken lover, city girl.” You teased, unlatching the door for her so that she could make her way inside. 

The hens squawked excitedly at your appearance, realizing they’d be able to eat their fill of grass, bugs, and dried corn. A few ran over, crowding at your ankles. Rows and rows of nests were lined up along the walls. In the back of the coop were a few small rectangular doors that you could open, which was what you used to harvest eggs. Your dad’s old coops didn’t have anything fancy like that, so you grew up having your hands pecked at. You used to run back home to your mother with blood bruises and angry, raised skin. 

“I love chicks.” Ellie said simply and the double meaning wasn’t lost on you. 

As if on cue one of the chickens began pecking at the woman’s ankles, earning a small hiss of surprise from her. You snorted, biting your lip so that you wouldn’t laugh at her expense. “I can’t say the feeling is mutual, apparently.” You added playfully, looking around for the yellow poof balls. 

“Old news.” She was smiling at you, and something in your chest began doing awful, uncomfortable flips. For a second you even felt a bit nauseous. 

Ellie wasn’t Abby, but there was something similar about the two of them. The short haired girl seemed capable and strong. There was a physical sort of confidence in the way that she walked that told you that she knew how to handle herself. You watched as she shoved her hands in her pockets, shoulders squared off, feet shoulder length apart- and it had your lips parting. 

Still, you remembered Joel talking about his daughter. . . saying that she was military. You couldn’t remember which branch she belonged to, but you could tell that she was well trained. You tried to imagine what Ellie would look like if she was put in a situation where she needed to protect herself, and you found a shiver running up your spine.

There was a coldness that had been in her eyes when the two of you had first met that had chilled you to the bone. You saw none of it when you looked into her eyes now, but. . . still. . . the thought terrified you. Had those capable hands ever killed anyone before? 

You felt horrible even thinking that, even going as far as to give your thigh a small slap in punishment as you bent down, knees digging into the wood shavings and hay. The chicks didn’t seem off put by your small scowl. They saw you and instantly thought “food”, which had them clumsily running in your direction. You hadn’t heard her walk up beside you, only felt the sleeve of her long sleeve shirt brush against your arm as she sat back on her haunches beside you. 

“It won’t scare them if I pick them up, will it?” She asked gently, slowly reaching a hand out so that she could brush it against their plush down feathers. They chirped contentedly, unaware of what “danger” even meant yet. You were guilty of babying your chickens, meaning none of them were scared of humans. They pecked at you when they were annoyed, but were never violent per say. 

“Not at all. They might seem a bit unhappy, but it’s only because they’re hungry.” 

You pressed your hand to your cheek as you watched the woman pick one of the chicks up, holding the tiny thing tightly against her chest so as to not drop it. There was something almost comical about seeing the woman look this gentle, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she tried not to hurt the tiny thing. It was adorable. Which was terrifying for you. 

You were once again reminded of your dream. . . and you didn’t think you were ready to let Abby go. Not even when Ellie looked up at you excitedly, using her free hand to gesture towards the small creature in disbelief. Almost like she was scared that even talking would frighten it. 

“So what do we do now?” Ellie asked, putting the chick down so that she could stand back up. You followed her lead, making your way back over towards the door. 

“We open up all the doors and let them walk around for the day. I usually come back and get them back in their coops by sundown.” You let her know, leaving the door wide open as you moved coop to coop. 

Ellie helped you, cutting down the time in half. The two of you were back in the truck in record time. You showed her the fields where you planted corn in the late summer to get ready for early fall. You pointed out the small flower garden you had taken upon yourself to cultivate, and then you pulled up to the green houses. Her jaw went slack as she took in all of the buildings. 

“You do all of this yourself?” She needed to make sure she wasn’t imagining things. Sure, she was no farmer, but even someone like her knew just how much work this must be for you. 

She couldn’t imagine you doing this all day, every day all by yourself. It kinda made her chest ache a bit for you. So when you nodded she took it upon herself to climb out of the truck, eager to do something to lighten the burden for you. 

As the two of you approached what appeared to be the oldest of the greenhouses, she couldn’t help but realize that she’d been with you for about an hour. . . and she felt great. Better than great, she felt normal. She had been sent out here so that she could recover, and while she didn’t quite understand what that really and truly meant, being here with you felt right. Being around the animals felt therapeutic, and while Joel might have told you a little bit about her in passing, you didn’t know enough about Ellie to pass any sort of judgment or feel any sort of pity. 

Even so, Ellie wasn’t sure she’d be against telling you about what happened. Something told her that you would be understanding. You knew what it felt like to lose people, and she was sure that you had regrets somewhere along the line. Everyone does when it comes to losing loved ones. 

She hated that you had suffered enough to understand where she was coming from, but loved that she wasn’t alone for once. 

The two of you walked in silence, and there was a heaviness in your eyes that let her know that you were thinking about something serious and sad. Ellie wondered whether your father was on your mind this morning. . . or perhaps your girlfriend. It wasn’t her place to ask, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to. 

“Want to help me water them?” You finally asked, motioning towards the tables of plants. 

She nodded, but quickly turned to face you. She couldn’t count how many green houses you had on top of this one. 

“Do we water all of those plants too?” She felt stupid the second that she asked the question, but even more so when you began to giggle. 

Sounding stupid was worth it to hear the sound, so she sucked it up. 

“Those green houses are newer and have a built in sprinkler system. We just have to worry about this one, thankfully. We’d be here all afternoon if not.” You began to head in the direction of the hose so that you could turn it on, your stomach tightening with hunger. 

You knew the second you got back to the house and made breakfast that you’d be nauseous though. Bad days like this were always the same. You were hungry but you couldn’t eat. You wanted to distract yourself but nothing would work. You wanted to talk to someone but didn’t have any friends that you trusted enough to actually. . . onload on, and you were sick of your mom crying on your behalf. 

“So you’re staying with Joel now? For how long?” You decided to make small talk as you handed her the hose, walking along with her as she painstakingly paid attention to every sprout. 

She licked her lips before answering you, eyes flickering in a way that made you think that she might feel a bit nervous. 

“I was. . . sent here. It’s not like I don’t love being home, because I kinda do. It’s just not something that I exactly chose for myself.” That didn’t feel like the whole truth, but you supposed that she would tell you whenever she was ready. 

You played with the raw hem of your old t-shirt, suddenly anxious that you might have put her in a bad spot. Still, you found yourself wanting to know more about her. 

“Do you have an addiction problem?” You realized how inappropriate it was to be so blunt. Your mouth went bone dry with panic, and you were quick to grab her hand, shaking your head. “A-All I’m trying to say is that my uncle had a really bad drug problem for years. He’s been clean and sober since last Christmas and is doing great. I don’t judge, that’s all. I’m proud of you, if anything.” 

She gulped, looking down at your hand and noticing how close your body was to hers now. She fumbled to turn the hose off with one hand, trying to get her breathing under control. It was twice now that you were touching her like this, and she hated herself for wanting to wrap you back up in a hug so bad. She was also trying not to notice how plush and kissable your lips were.

You smelled great too, which made it hard for Ellie to think. 

“Yeah, I guess I have a bit of an addiction problem,” She mumbled, but shrugged her shoulders soon after, contradicting herself. “But that’s not really why I’m here.” 

Ellie would have to tell you eventually, she supposed. If the two of you were going to be as good of friends as Joel wanted, then she’d have to fess up eventually. It was better to get it out and in the open now rather than later. Plus. . . if she had some sort of a breakdown then maybe you’d be more understanding if you knew why it was happening. 

“My therapist tells me that I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was in the Marines and I had a really bad accident. So. . . it was hard for me to live alone.” Ellie stared down at a long-dead leaf on the ground and bent down to pick it up, gently playing with it’s crinkled edges. 

“Did you have panic attacks? I have those sometimes too.” You wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone, as stupid as it might sound. 

You wanted to relate to her without telling her that your girlfriend had also been a Marine. She was being vulnerable with you, and the last thing you wanted to do was make this moment about you by bringing up your deceased girlfriend.

“Yeah. . . Yeah, I have those a lot. Sometimes I lose track of time- disassociate. It’s scary for others to deal with, so my friends thought that it would be best if I were with Joel. There’s less triggers here than back in Chicago.” You could tell that she was still uncomfortable with the subject matter, but she was powering through. 

Ellie appreciated that there wasn’t a hint of judgment in your tone. You genuinely seemed curious. . . and talking about herself like this felt good. Validating, even. 

“What triggers you? I just want to make sure that I don’t overstep or accidentally do anything wrong-” 

“No, no. You’re fine. It’s more so loud noises and bright lights.” 

“So no gunshots?” 

“Guns aren’t too bad. . . it’s more so car crashes. Explosions, you know?” 

Your mouth went dry. You did know. It’s how Abby died, afterall. You hated that Ellie had gone through something similar. Your heart ached for her. 

“Is that how you got this. . . ?” You began to brush your fingers against the scar over her eye. You froze as she flinched, guilt bottoming out your stomach as you quickly yanked your hand away.

She reached out to take your elbow into her calloused hand before you could drop your palm back down at your side, and pressed your fingers against the skin herself. Her skin was still soft, but raised and jagged. You’d never felt a scar this deep before. Still, it was warm under your touch. Alive. 

The moment felt oddly intimate, and you kept your fingers there for a few seconds too long before dropping your hand back at your side. Ellie felt like she was going to explode. No one had ever wanted to touch her scar, let alone been allowed to. 

“Yeah, It is.” She cleared her throat, grabbing one of her arms in her hands nervously. She was starting to realize that she didn’t mind being seen by you. “I’m legally blind in the eye now, which has been pretty hard to get used to.” 

“So you can’t see at all out of it?” You questioned, beginning to walk back over towards the repotting station. You’d noticed a few sprouts that were getting a little too big for their pots, and the last thing you wanted was crowded roots. 

She followed after you like a lost puppy, hot on your trail. “I can see shapes and colors. Movement, and everything. But if you held up your hand and asked me “how many fingers am I holding up”, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.” She’d practically had to relearn how to do everything again, as dramatic as that sounded. Losing the vision of one eye affected a lot more than one might think. 

“Oh, shit.” You remarked, nose wrinkling up in sympathy. You couldn’t imagine how hard that must have been on top of dealing with the mental anguish of the accident. 

“ ‘Oh, shit’ is right.” She agreed with a small smile, leaning her hip against the table as you began laying out the necessary supplies. She watched your hands as they moved expertly around the table, eyes locked on your fingers. “I used to be beautiful.” She joked absentmindedly, alluding to the scar that now marred her features. 

“You’re still beautiful.” You said, fully concentrated on the task at hand. 

You didn’t realize the weight that your words carried, nor Ellie’s reaction to them. She felt like a giddy teenager. She couldn’t stop herself from fidgeting with the buttons on her shirt. She was smitten.

You were the first person to treat her like an actual human being since the incident. This was the most alive she’d felt in almost a year. . . and she was talking about things. Not like she might talk to her therapist, it was different than that. She was talking to someone that wanted to get to know her, not just to diagnose her, but to understand her. It felt good. Really good. Sickeningly good. 

And you thought she was beautiful. 

“Do you want to help me repot these little guys?” You asked, motioning towards the tiny pots. 

She was scared of killing your seedlings but nodded anyway, desperate for your approval. Ellie watched as you demonstrated the entire thing for her, praying to god she wouldn’t forget a step. 

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder, shaking out roots and gently tucking the plants into their new homes. It was calming- melodic, almost. The constant motion, the gentle noises of the wilderness all around you. Ellie could even feel herself getting good at it. Not as good as you, of course. . . but she wasn’t as bad as she thought she would be. 

You watched as she rolled her sleeves up and over her forearms, taking a second to appreciate her hands. Once again, you felt guilty for being so attracted to her. Strands of auburn hair had fallen out from behind her ear and hung in her pale face as she focused on her task. Her strong hands worked methodically. Her veins, her knuckles, her forearms and biceps- Ellie wasn’t just beautiful but gorgeous. 

‘Give me a sign, Abby. If I’m not reading too far into last night's dream. . . then just give me some sort of a sign.’ You thought to yourself, eyebrows furrowing as you packed more dirt around the seedling in your hand. You felt like you were being horrifically dramatic, but what else could you do?

You felt idiotic. Delusional, even.

Beside you Ellie continued to work, completely unaware of your building turmoil. Pot after pot, she was really getting the hang of it. Pack down a layer of dirt, shake out roots, pack dirt on top- repeat.

She  reached out for another one of the black plastic pots, sliding it over in front of her. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she almost didn’t hear the rattling. She’d been so close to covering up whatever was at the bottom with dirt, but the sunlight caught whatever it was just right.

It sparkled. 

Ellie pinched the object between two dirt coated fingers, her eyebrows practically raising up to her hairline as she realized that it was a ring. A valuable looking one, at that. 

“Uh. . . is this yours?” Ellie asked, showing it to you. 

You blinked a few times at the ring, scared for a moment that you were hallucinating, because things like this only happened in movies. People asking for signs from the other side only for a ghostly apparition to pop up on screen.

Still, that was your promise ring in Ellie’s hand. 

Your bottom lip quivered, eyes filling up with tears before you could even stop them. You reached out with gentle fingers, taking it into your hand graciously. 

“Thank you.” 

And you weren’t sure if you were talking to Ellie. . . or Abby.

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[hier--soir]

one last time

pairing: abby anderson x WLF f!reader, set within tlou pt II timeline summary: when the woman you love comes crawling back in the middle of the night, can you convince her to stay? warnings/tags: [18+ minors DNI] mainly angst, mentions of death, established past relationship, wlw, includes mentions of seraphites and wlf from tlou2, contains spoilers and plot points from the last of us part II game below the cut, mentions multiple canon deaths from the second game so beware if you don't want the game/potential future show plot points spoiled. word count: 2k

There was someone in your room. It was the middle of the night, and you’d woken with a start, acutely aware of a shuffling sound, as someone closed the door and stepped into your space.

Slowly, trying not to make a sound, you slid your hand underneath your pillow and gripped the hilt of the dagger you kept there. Your heart raced, blood roaring in your ears as they strained to listen for any sign of the intruder getting closer to the bed where you laid. The living quarters were so small though, and with the door only a metre or two from your bed, you knew it was a matter of seconds before they were on you. Sliding the knife out from under the pillow, you tightened your shoulders and prepared to leap out of bed, until a soft voice spoke your name in the darkness.

Your eyes shot open, and you strained to see her through the black void. But you’d know that voice anywhere. You heard her say your name every night in your dreams, and woke up every morning to the crushing reality that it hadn’t been real. That it would never be real again. But that voice… it was undeniably her.

“Abby?” you breathed, sitting up warily.

You fumbled for the lamp beside your bed and tugged the string quickly, soft yellow light flaring around you. And there she was. That all too familiar angular face and strong arms. Long braid hanging over her shoulder, just the way you remembered. Dirt coated her skin, clothes damp from the downpour of rain that you could hear raging outside your window. Cuts and bruises littered her face, harsh scrapes marring the skin that you loved so dearly.

It had been months since you’d last seen her; since the group of them had headed off to Wyoming to find… him. And she’d been back at the base since, but you’d avoided her like the plague. Couldn’t bear to see her, after the way things had been left between the two of you. And then a few days ago, she was gone again. It was all anyone could talk about; how Abby Anderson had fled the base and was out searching for Owen… how they were both traitors to the cause.

Her blue eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot, and your heart panged with nervousness. She didn’t dare say another word, gaze trained on the knife you still held in your grasp, pointed out in her direction.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you asked warily, feeling your hand begin to shake. “How did you even get inside? Fuck, Abby, Isaac has everyone looking for you, he… he’s saying you’re a deserter.”

Abby shook her head slowly, face slack with an expression of hopelessness. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know where else to go.”

With an ache in your chest, you lowered the weapon, knowing you could never bring yourself to use it on her anyway. Her shoulders relaxed, and she shrugged off her pack. It hit the ground with a sharp clatter, and you noticed a bloodied axe clipped to the side of it. She slumped down on the edge of your bed, and the frame creaked with the added weight.

“He interrogated me, you know,” you shuddered. “After you went after Owen. Was convinced I was a part of it, that I kne-“

“Isaac is gone,” she interrupted quickly, not meeting your gaze.  

You stared, eyes widening a fraction, and slowly asked, “What the fuck happened?”

“Owen and Mel too,” she said hoarsely, staring down her at her hands. “They’re… I found them, in the aquarium. Both of them... she killed them.”

All the breath in your lungs rushed out, leaving you lightheaded. “W-what?” you stuttered. No.

“It’s her,” she ground out, eyebrows pinched together. “She knows who we are and she’s… she’s fucking picking us off, one by one.”

Shaking your head desperately you rubbed a knuckle into the corner of your eye, willing the brimming tears to dry as you absorbed all the information. You knew this would happen. You fucking knew there would be consequences, and yet she didn’t listen. She never fucking listened.

“Who are you talking about?”

“The girl,” she chuckled mirthlessly. “The girl that was with the smuggler. And his brother.”

It felt like the walls were closing in on you as you stared at her. The woman you’d loved for so long, who’s bed you’d once shared, who you’d held while she told you stories of her late father. The women who’d chosen revenge over a life with you... just to come crawling back in the middle of the night.

“What are you doing here?” you repeated, voice shaky and thick with emotion. “Why did you come back?”

“I needed to see you,” she whispered, finally glancing over to you. Her eyes shone brightly in the dim light of your room, and you could see the tears that stained her cheeks, the tracks they’d left through the dirt on her skin. “Things are bad, and I don’t… I don’t know if I’m gonna make it through this. I needed to see you, just one last time.”

“Abby,” you choked out, pushing forward to rest on your knees, hands hovering over her face as you contemplated touching her. You knew that if you touched her, all the progress you’d made, all the efforts you’d gone to in order to try and get over her, would be out the window. “Please,” you breathed heavily, shoulders shaking. She leaned forward so her cheek brushed your fingers and your face crumpled, allowing your hands to rest on her face, thumbs brushing along her skin.

“Please don’t do this, I can’t fucking do this again. I told you,” your voice cracked, thumb pausing on her freckled cheekbone. “I fucking told you nothing good would come from going after him. But you couldn’t just…”

“I’m sorry,” her eyes screamed in earnest. “I can’t… I couldn’t keep going without coming back here to say that. You were right, and I’m sorry, but there’s no turning back now. There’s no undoing this. She knows who I am, and she’s coming for me, but… but I’m gonna find her first, and I’m gonna make her pay for what she did to them.”

“How?” your eyebrows raised incredulously. “Abby, you’re alone, you can’t-“

“I’m not alone,” she said coldly, and you froze, staring at her in confusion.

“Abby,” you said quietly, shaking your head. Your hands dropped from her face. “You can’t be serious… it-it’s true? They said Owen killed Danny to save one of them…. are you with the Scars?”

“No,” she sighed in frustration. “He’s not a Scar anymore, he- he saved my life, and I trust him.”

“I can’t hear this,” you frowned deeply, lip curling up at her words. “You know I never wanted any part in this. If they find out you were here, they’ll lock me up, they’ll fucking interrogate me for information, Abby, I’ll lose my position. Don’t tell me anything else.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” she replied quickly, reaching up to rub her shoulder. She massaged the muscle firmly, fingertips dragging across her skin in a circular motion as she cringed.

“You’re hurt,” you murmured grimly.

“It’s nothing,” she shook her head. “I fell in Wyoming.”

“You’re a shit liar,” you grunted, nudging her thigh with your foot. She grabbed it, quick as a snake, her fingers curling around the arch of it and holding it to her thigh. Your face softened, and you frowned gently at her.

“I’ll go,” she whispered, meeting your eye. “I just… I wanted to be with you, just for a minute. Needed to see you. I couldn’t leave things the way they were; couldn’t have the last time I saw you be that.”

That day, weeks before, flashed through your mind. The two of you, in the very same room, glaring at each other.

 “If you go, this is over,” you’d told her. “I mean it Abby, don’t fucking do this. Nothing good will come from it. It won’t bring him back.”

“I’m going,” she’d shouted. “And they’re coming with me. Owen, Manny, all of them. They want what I want. And I thought you wanted it too.”

“Well, you thought wrong,” you’d said. “I’m not going. Why can't this be enough for you? To stay here, with me, and just forget about him?”

Wiping a tear from your cheek, you nodded slowly, leaning in so your shoulder rested against hers.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured softly. You didn’t stop her as she leaned in, resting her forehead against yours, and tilted her chin up so your lips brushed. Shaky breaths escaped your mouths, mingling in the air between your faces. Not for a long time had either of you been nervous around one another. So unsure, so hesitant… Pushing the thoughts aside, you kissed her firmly, ignoring the way your heart cracked as the familiar taste of her hit your lips. “I’m sorry,” you repeated against her mouth, and she whimpered, gripping your face gently. You despised the way your body reacted to such a small touch from her; the way your shirt was suddenly too tight around your torso, the way your underwear suffocated the warmth between your thighs. She was intoxicating, overriding every rational thought in your mind until all you could think was Abby, Abby, Abby.  

You fell backwards onto the bed, pulling her down with you, until her warm heavy weight rested against your chest. Her knee worked its way in between your thighs, pressing you down into the mattress. You clutched at her back, kissing her desperately, face still wet with tears. Her lips pressed longingly to yours, soft pants escaping her mouth as she pushed your head deeper into the pillows, holding you down and stealing the breath from your lungs. Your head was swimming, and you shivered at the feeling of her wet clothes dragging along your skin. She pulled back from the kiss with a gasp, tucking her face into your neck as she caught her breath. A soft kiss pressed against your pulse point and you sighed, closing your eyes and relaxing into her touch. She whispered something against your skin, but you couldn’t make out the words.

The sound of rain battering against the window filled the space with white noise as the pair of you laid in your small bed, limbs tangled together. Abby’s fingers stroked your cheek softly, and she pulled back to look at you, eyes watching you so intensely you could’ve sworn she was trying to memorise your features.

After a few moments, a soft sigh escaped her lips. “I have to go,” she whispered, eyebrows furrowing, and the crack through the middle of your heart deepened. She saw the look on your face and gave you a forlorn smile. “It took me half a day to get here,” she admitted sullenly, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of your mouth. “I’m sorry.”

You watched as she rose, stretching out her shoulder again before reaching down to grab her pack. She towered over the bed as she looked down at you one last time. Fat, hot tears brimmed on your lower eyelashes as you watched her turn toward the door.  

“Please,” you whispered to her back in the dim light, seeing her shoulders tense, head turning a fraction to glance at you from the corner of her eye. “Stay. We can figure this out, I… I’ll convince them to let you stay. Just please, don’t leave me again. Don’t do this.”

“I have to see this through,” she said quietly, in a tone that left no room for argument. Tears dripped down your face and onto your pillow, leaving wet patches in their wake. You made no effort to wipe them away as you nodded despondently.

“I love you,” you cried hopelessly. “Please.”

“I love you too,” she rasped, and you knew from the finality in her voice that this was it. The last time you’d see her. You could feel it in your bones; the undeniable truth of the moment.

“May your survival be long,” you choked out, shoulders shaking against your bed as you fought against the sob rising in your throat.

Abby’s hand gripped the doorknob, and she turned to look at you one last time. Her eyes raked over your body, and she offered one small, sad smile before she stepped into the hall.

“May my death be swift.”  

[trulybetty]

joel miller x masterlist

x. main masterlist

series.

Gold Rush Old lovers Joel and Charlotte find themselves unexpectedly reunited in the community of Jackson. Struggling to navigate the complexities of their shared history and the harsh realities of their new lives, the pair find themselves again drawn to one another. Strings (Complete) Your arrangement with Joel Miller is supposed to be uncomplicated. No attachments. However, you're not sure how long this is going to last. 323 Mulefall Crt. (no outbreak!Joel x OFC) | Delta Landscaping Crossover In the sunny, eclectic neighbourhood of Mulefall Crt., Katie has been navigating her fresh start away from her past life in Chicago, finding unexpected friendships and found family with the street's residents. As she rebuilds her life, and the fixer-upper she purchased sight unseen, love is the last thing on her mind after being burned. However, Joel Miller's arrival has sparks flying and has her wondering if having fun might not be such a bad idea in helping her move on from her past. Honey (Jackson!Joel x f!reader) A series of oneshots, which can be read as a collective or on their own, depicting life for Joel in Jackson after the events of TLOU. The Little Coffee Shop Around the Corner Maplewood, a small town nestled in northern BC where people flock to see the festive decorations of the main street and enjoy the festive traditions. finding yourself back home and working for the family business, you strike up a friendship with the town's local contractor.

one shots.

Drip (warning potential TLOU2 spoilers) In the quiet of the house, you can hear voices arguing, but all you can focus on is the drip, drip, drip of the tap. Sequins (no outbreak!joel) On a night out with friends, you run into a broad-shouldered stranger and there's no denying that there's an immediate attraction between the two of you. happy birthday (no outbreak!joel) happy birthday Joel Miller. Tess (Gold Rush) (Joel x Tess & Joel x OFC) Tess doesn't hold any delusions from her complex, and often one-sided, relationship with Joel. Long Time (Gold Rush) (Joel x OFC) Inspired by The Last of Us Episode S1x03 - leaving Bill and Frank's home and Joel reminisces after Ellie finds a mix tape that unlocks some old buried memories.

prompts & drabbles.

oct' x 01 - ruffled hair (joel x gn!reader) oct' x 04 - walks in the forest (strings!joel x reader) oct' x 06 - falling leaves (gold rush!joel x charlotte) oct' x 10 - oktoberfest (sequins!joel x reader) oct' x 12 - cornfields (sequins!joel x f!reader) oct' x 15 - first wine (sequins!joel x reader) oct' x 18 - picking apples (sequins!joel x reader) oct' x 23 - harvest (gold rush!joel x charlotte) oct' x 27 - witches (sequins!joel x f!reader) oct' x 29 - stormy days (sequins!joel x f!reader)

[becomethesun]

up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush

Please!

ok SO this is a one-shot that exists within the "future days" series (aka a follow-up to true blue) and it is dina pov, set a couple of years after true blue, post-finding strings flashback, the "night at the bonfire" that ellie and dina talk about during the take on me scene in tlou2

title is a taylor swift reference, bc king of my heart is soooooooo Them coded :)

[skoulsons]

Are there any scenes your hoping they add in season 2 that weren’t in the game?

I would love to see how Ellie’s chemical burn went down. Also the process of her moving into the garage (even though I wish she didn’t live in there) I think it would be nice to see her and Joel putting it all together

Oh anon, the chemical burn scene being adapted is crucial for the continuation of my life. I need it.

I know a lot of people write this way, I have, but I do think Ellie would hide it from him because I definitely think he’d try to find a safer and less painful way to do it than Ellie just trying to rid its existence with chemicals. But Joel would still be there. He’d find her in some fucked up state of pain and he’d comfort her because that’s what he does

I have mixed feelings about the garage, but that’s mainly bc I tend to like to ignore tlou2 with the exception of the birthday flashback and just believe that they live together the whole time and are still together and happy right now!!

But I’d love to see them fix it up. For Joel to string up the lights around her ceiling and for Joel and Tommy to make it the best living space possible for her. You know there’d be little bonding moments between all three of them while they worked on it

Honestly, chemical burn is number one on my list. Also just the general adjustment for the two of them in Jackson and getting used to their life there. Maybe I read too much fic, but that stuff is delectable and I’d love to see it brought into live action. They gave us thirty extra minutes with Sarah, they can give us thirty extra minutes of some early Jackson moments with Joel and Ellie

[devnmon]

i’m playing through tlou2 again and just realized that the lodge in finding strings (ellie’s second flashback) is the same one abby, tommy and joel were cornered in at the beginning of the game.

[sillyguyhotline]

(the most nonsensical analysis u will ever read) ok so. tlou definitely has some sort of correspondence between the changes of seasons and the severity of the woes the characters face. winter in particular is the worst season: joel becomes injured on the cusp of winter and ellie has to fend for herself, everything horrible relating to david’s town occurs, joel dies at the end of winter, etc. anyway it kind of hurts how ellie and joel’s arc goes in tlou2 because it seems to be related to the passing of seasons. their happiest scene in the museum occurs during the bright warmth of summer, the finding strings flashback where tensions are a little tighter but they’re still talking to each other probably occurs around fall based on tommy’s comment about migrations and the color toning. the final breaking point of their relationship where joel reveals what he actually did at the hospital happens in what appears to be late fall- there’s no snow on the ground, but joel’s wearing a jacket and much of the foliage has been shed. thus their estrangement happens alongside the descent into winter and they both experience the unpleasant frigidity of the time and everything negative associated with them. when we pick up with them again, ellie only just gets to begin to forgive joel before he’s killed, and this notably happens in march. although the winter is still brutal, the hope of springtime and warmth is just ahead of them. in much the same way, joel dies right at the point where their relationship and hope for the future was beginning to look up. they were so close to forgiveness but they never made it to springtime :(

[boopernatural]

Thoughts on the last of us part 2?

Omg… you have no idea what you’re walking into anon…

It is far and wide the most impactful game I’ve ever played.

There is a lot of criteria in which I could judge it and you asked and I have the day off so…

Firstly, the gameplay!

In my opinion, the gameplay in this is some of the smoothest, most fun of any game. Just like the first game, the transition from cutscene to gameplay is so fucking seamless I was sometimes taking a minute to realize I was in control again. The vast map and wide variety of controls you have over the character to me is incredible! Playing as Ellie is my favorite, she moves so fluidly and the jumping, climbing, ducking, crawling all of it feels so natural and immerses you so much. The highest difficulty I’ve beaten it on is hard so I can’t speak to the grounded or survivor challenge, but for me hard was perfect balance of challenge while still being fun and not too frustrating. The fight near the end with Ellie as the boss was the hardest one for me. And the rat king was a good chase scene/fight too.

Secondly, the visuals.

Naughty Dog never disappoints me with how fucking stunning their games look. The map of Seattle is seriously an amazing feat. Even during gameplay I’m struck by the beauty of the surrounding world, just like tlou1(esp after the remaster). I play on PS5, and so the graphics are just fucking phenomenal imo. My normal gaming experience is decent quality visuals in a cutscene and then clear jumps to gameplay more focused on function. TLOU2 (and 1) doesn’t make you choose. I seriously want to shake the creatives at Naughty Dog and just thank them for all the late nights and missed family dinners they must’ve had to create such intricate and well made visuals.

Some examples of shots I just think are neat:

Thirdly, the story/character arc.

I’ll admit it. The first time I played through this game I was miserable. Joel’s death was a nightmare come true, for Ellie and me. The scene was so well crafted, the dread building up to it, everything. Joel finally settling in and opening himself up to kindness and even heroism (in saving Abby) was his fucking demise. I don’t know what that says but… well, that’s what happened.

I was able to shelve my grief and enjoy the Seattle bits with Ellie and Dina because like her, I wanted those fuckers dead. The drama between Ellie, Dina and Jesse somewhat mirroring Mel Owen and Abby was interesting, but I felt our Jackson trio was much kinder to each other and healthier and would have worked it out a lot better. Jesse dying was so unfair.

The flashback scenes with Joel broke me. The entire museum arc… god. I’ve never played a video game that devotes an entire chapter to gameplay of something mundane and fun, no threats, no fights, the only interaction is climbing a big t-Rex or spinning a planet diagram. The dialogue is amazing, shows how comfortable they are with one another and that they’re really operating like a father and daughter. Things weren’t all doom and gloom. Joel getting her the tape, encouraging her to wear the helmet and close her eyes and Ellie being fully immersed into this fantasy (similar to what Riley does for her in the DLC with the arcade game!) I just love that the people who love Ellie foster and groom her creativity and imagination.

Ellie was trying so hard to ignore the lie between them, to pretend things were okay, and sometimes she could. Sometimes she forgot that this horrible thing existed underneath the surface.

But of course, it festers and rots when it’s untouched. The finding strings portion was amazing. Joel was OP as hell and I like that the game really shows how nothing will stop him from keeping his girl safe. He fucking kills a bloater with a machete and doesn’t get hit once. Unheard of?! The ending sequence where she confronts him was hard to watch. You feel what both of them are feeling and are somehow rooting for both of them to not have to address this pain.

Ellie returning to the firefly hospital… Joel racing after her, pulling her in for this hug like they’ve done it plenty before, you talk to me…

The devastation in both of their faces when the truth does come out. They both want so badly for this thing not to be here. For everything to be okay.

Then, you get to the theater. Abby is there. I’m thinking: I’ve reached the end! Let’s fucking kill her.

And then….3 years earlier.

I was angry, actually. I did not want to redo these three days as this character I despise! Even though Abby had great gameplay and some awesome fights that were really fun, I found myself just waiting for it to end. I was like game, this bitch killed Joel, sorry but I don’t care about her or her people.

The Tommy sniper bits were amazing and made that all feel worthwhile. Seeing him on the warpath to avenge his brother, and seeing his real darkness through all the evidence he left behind was amazing.

I liked the storyline with Lev and Yara, didn’t like the Owen/Abby abrupt back shots scene. Felt like a very NSFW siblings or dating moment. Not an Owen fan one bit! Felt bad for Mel, even though I didn’t like her as a person. Felt worse for Ellie when she realized what she’d done to her.

Then, finally got back to Ellie at the farm. I was pleading right alongside Dina for her not to go. Joel would have wanted this for her, this safe quiet life with her family. Everything would still be worth it to him if she stayed. He would have fulfilled his purpose. To give Ellie a life.

And then she fucking leaves…even though I knew she would, I was devastated for my Ellie. All I’ve ever wanted since I saw that lil switchblade-wielding lunatic is for her to be safe and happy. But it is in character for her to get in her own way.

Santa Barbara was fun, the Rattlers made me full of rage bc they were so difficult lol but a super unique concept and I enjoyed the play through of those parts a lot.

Ellie being the one to save Abby’s life. I love this. I am biting this I am chewing it I am swallowing it whole. I have so many thoughts on this one choice that I could write another way too long post about it.

Ellie and Abby finally have a fair fight. Even ground, both wounded and weak, both tired of all of this.

I wanted her to kill Abby. Still do, actually. I personally think… you’ve already killed hundreds of people who weren’t even the ones who directly killed Joel lol… but ok. I get what the game was trying to do. I just didn’t roll with it. That’s really my only story critique. And it’s barely a critique cause I like the ending as it is too.

Especially because, after my 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc play through, I grew to like Abby. I enjoyed her scenes and gameplay much more the second go through when I knew what to expect and where it was all going. I always thought her revenge on Joel was fair bc an eye for an eye, he’d do the same thing and Ellie did worse. But looking at her differently helped me enjoy the story more.

It would have hurt a lot more I think, to watch Ellie murder this girl I liked, and in doing so doom the little boy she’d sought to protect. Abby and Lev at the end as a mirror for Joel and Ellie in tlou1 was just… how can I make out with a concept? So. Good.

Ellie’s ending is so gut-wretching and sad I can barely even talk about it. 

She lost everything. Her biggest fear was ending up alone. Joel died before she could make things right with him, she lost Dina and Jesse and JJ and Tommy.

The flashback with Joel to the night before he died did provide me a little solace. Merely in the fact that Ellie was able to come out to him, something she was scared to do, and knew that he loved and accepted her as she was. (Honestly how could she ever doubt that?) and that he died knowing she still cared for him and wanted him in her life. I just know he must’ve spent that whole night feeling hopeful and anticipatory for the future. Fucking crushing.

When she picks up that guitar, a gift from Joel, the first bridge he rebuilt after their tenuous return to Jackson, the connection he forged between them when something unspoken was trying to pull them apart, the only way he could truly express to her how much she meant to him, and obviously a way Ellie reciprocated that…

Gone. She can no longer do the one good thing that threaded between them even after his death. And she abandons it.

She leaves the guitar there. The guitar she loved so fucking much she got the moth from it tattooed on herself forever.

I don’t know where she’s going. I’ve seen some say maybe she’s going back to Jackson to try and make things right. Unfortunately… that isn’t the interpretation I had.

I do know that this game made me feel things a video game never has. Living with these characters for so long. I felt Joel’s pain when Sarah died in the first one, and that was a sorrow that carried over into every scene of every game. I felt -viscerally- the horror and agony and pure unbridled rage at Joel’s death. I felt each misstep, each loss, each success and each surprise. These characters are not avatars to be played, they are people, and it’s fucking incredible. This story is complex and huge and sometimes really frustrating and unpleasant, and sometimes you hate it and sometimes you love it.

Neil Druckman said that whether people like his stories or hate them, as long as they’re not ambivalent, he’s done his job.

To me, Neil has done his job tenfold.

[abbysthighs]

Ellie and her handgun taking on the bloater with Joel.

[unseededtoast]

Turtle Doves | Joel Miller

Part Nineteen

Chapter Directory

Series Summary: In which two broken souls connect so deeply, that if one should perish, the other would surely die of a broken heart. (slow burn, timeline changes. After TLOU1, before TLOU2, assumed knowledge of infected, uses elements from both show and game)

Series Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, and sexual content.

Also cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3. Link to my masterlist for everything else I’ve posted!

"You got stabbed by a machete, you lost a lot of blood."

The morning sun is rising in the sky, illuminating the redness on my skin that is drying to a rusty brown. My hair sticks to my face and neck with sweat, and my butt has gone numb from sitting on the hard floor for far too long. My eyes are trained on the wall in front of me, and my ears are focused on Joel's breathing next to me.

With heavy eyelids, I look down at him to ensure he's still breathing and am satisfied to see him still alive. My eyes trail down to the large wound on his abdomen, and I know that there's still work to be done. Forcing myself off the ground, I rummage around for  a needle and some thread.

Thankfully, these people kept their medical care items with their sleeping supplies, probably in case they had to make a quick getaway. However, half the first aid kits are picked through and the other half are empty. After I've gone through every first aid kit available in here, I realize there's no needle or thread to be found. But in a town like this, there's bound to be one needle and a spool of thread somewhere.

Grabbing my hunting knife and making sure I've got a gun in my thigh holster, I take down the blockade from the front door and decide to go supply searching. Plus, I'd like to find my curved blade from last night as well. I'm confident that there will be nobody else showing up here, if there were, they likely would've shown up during the night.

The sunlight makes it easier for me to navigate around, and I walk back a few streets to look for my curved blade. The tall grass makes it difficult to locate, but I find where the grenade went off and start searching thoroughly there.

After ten good minutes of thorough searching, the sunlight shifts in the sky and illuminates the hilt of the knife five feet in front of me, concealed by debris from the grenade's explosion. It finds its way back onto my person and then I start looking for a needle and thread, systematically going through each building with careful eyes.

The search for a needle and thread proves to be more of a challenge than I thought it was going to be. It takes at least eight buildings before I finally find where they keep their garments. These people have been using a small garage as a closet of sorts, and stashed away in the corner was a small case of sewing supplies.

Quickly, I make my way back to Joel and reconstruct the barricade before I lean over him once more. His eyes are still closed and I press the back of my hand to his face, his skin still pale and chilly.

"Joel." I try to get him to open his eyes, but he just grunts in response. I was hoping he would wake up so he could take some of the oxycontin we found so that he's not suffering in pain. However, I think his wound is probably taking too much of a toll on him, so I'll try to make this as quick as I can.

It takes a few tries, but I eventually get the string threaded through the needle's eye. I rest on my knees, leaning over Joel's body and take a calming breath. I've done this before, but many years ago and with stakes that weren't quite this high. Before I can talk myself out of this, I stick the needle through the skin of Joel's abdomen and begin sewing the skin together.

His face contorts with pain with each stitch and I apologize each time the needle breeches skin, but this has to be done if the wound is going to heal properly. As I pull the needle through for the last stitch, I lean down and cut the string off with my teeth and tie it in a knot, confident it'll hold as long as he doesn't push himself too hard for a few days. Knowing Joel though, that's likely going to be a tall order.

The string and needle find their place back in the sewing kit and I resume my position with my back leaning against the wall next to Joel so I can keep an eye on him. I know I can't stay with him like this for long though, I have to find water for us; the rest of ours was used last night to clean Joel's wound to the best of my ability. Surely, these people had to have some sort of water supply.

I rummage around in my bag and pull out the map that has a new tear in the top of it from last night's events. My eyes find the approximate spot that we're at, and I see that there should be some sort of lake about a mile to the east. That shouldn't take me long to get to and back. Folding the map and placing it back in my bag, I reach for our empty water containers and decide to make the trip. When Joel wakes up, he's going to need to rehydrate himself.

I do my best to blockade the building and see where the sun is at in the sky to determine which way is east. Thankfully, the sun is still rising and it's rather easy to decide which way I need to go. The water containers clink together with every few steps, and I stay on alert the whole way to the lake, not wanting to be surprised or ambushed.

My eyes scan for more tripwires as well, becoming paranoid that they're everywhere around here. Soon enough, I reach the edge of the town and am met with overgrown grass and a sporadic spread of trees. Things seem peaceful enough but I cannot get the tension to leave my shoulders and I know I'm sure to feel this for the next few days. My mind is so occupied with listening for threats that I can't even admire the wildflowers adorning the overgrown grass. They're just blurs in my peripheral, my focus is getting back to Joel as soon as I can.

Luckily, the river is easy to locate. Its rushing waters lead me right to it and I waste no time in unscrewing the water bottle caps and filling them up. Small fish jump out of the water every few seconds and predatory birds swoop down to try and catch them, seemingly unbothered with my presence. The cool water is almost inviting me to take a dip and if Joel weren't severely injured a mile away I might consider indulging. Instead of fully immersing myself I settle on washing the dried blood off of my hands and arms. Knowing I can't be away from Joel for longer than is absolutely necessary, I make the short trip back to the town once my hands are clean and the bottles are full.

My barricade is untouched when I return and I drop off the bottles beside him. His eyes are still closed, his eyebrows tightly knit together, probably from the pain. If he would wake up I could force some painkillers into his system. But, I leave him be and go to rummage around in the town to see what I can find, after all his body does need rest after enduring that kind of wound. I'll give him the pills when he wakes on his own.

The bodies from yesterday's incident are littered everywhere and the smell of their decomposition is only going to get worse in the day's heat. With nothing else to do, I busy myself with piling their bodies up and going through their pockets. They're bound to have some good things, seeing as how they had a grenade to throw at me.

After an hour of solid work, I'm able to pile their bodies in one empty building, where they will permanently rest for all eternity. It took a few times to get used to the way their limbs flopped every which way and how their heads would just fall with gravity, but after the third body I got the hang of it. With each body I piled up the more I find myself reflecting on my actions.

I ruthlessly killed these people without an ounce of guilt, and I still can't seem to be all too shaken up about it now as I turn their pockets inside out. Only a few nights ago I was thoroughly disgusted with myself about the older couple on the farm, and I even felt a little guilty about the Fireflies we killed, so why is this so different for me? There's definitely some sort of difference, but I can't seem to pinpoint what it is.

With a distracted mind, I go about stuffing my pockets with the townspeople's grenades, bullets, and other weapons before I go back to check in on Joel. The sun is at its peak for the day and the sun is blisteringly hot once again.

I enter the building I've left Joel in to see his eyes have opened, and he's trying to sit up. Dropping the items in my hands, I rush over to him and push his hands away from his wound. His dark brown eyes look at me in confusion as I lift the hem of his shirt to check the wound. It's red and angry, but the bleeding has stopped and it doesn't look like it's getting infected. Gently, I lay his shirt back over top the cut and sigh, resting back on my heels.

"You almost bled out on me there." I crack a small smile as his head thumps back down on his backpack that I turned into a makeshift pillow.

"The hell happened?" His gravelly voice asks, and I sit crisscross beside him, blowing out a short burst of air between my lips.

"What happened was you got stabbed by a machete, you lost a lot of blood." I keep it short, not wanting to freak him out by what happened. But judging by the white scar beside this wound, he's no stranger to injuries.

"And you took care of 'em all?" He almost sounds like he's in disbelief, and I'll let him get away with the doubt this once.

"I did. I had to, I wasn't going to let them kill you." My voice turns into a whisper and I turn my eyes down, away from his face while he stares back at me.

"Shouldn't have risked yourself for me, I would've been alright." Joel tries to dismiss, but I'm having none of it. My eyebrows shoot up.

"Says the person who has saved my ass too many times. It's the least I could've done." I truthfully tell him. After everything he's done for me, I owed him this. Though I didn't do any of it out of debt. My hand comes up to push away a stray curl from his forehead, and my fingers find themselves lingering for a millisecond too long before he's clearing his throat. In the blink of an eye, I return my hand to my side.

"I should be fine to keep goin'." He tries to sit up, but I push him right back down with a shake of my head.

"No, I don't think so." My palm stays firm against his shoulder to keep him in place. His skin is warm and it's a welcome observation after feeling his skin become cold from blood loss last night.

"We gotta keep going." He argues with me, but I won't let him get his way.

"Joel I had to cauterize that wound last night and I put those stitches in. I'm very aware of just how bad it is. You're going to rest here for a few days, and you're going to let me take care of you." I tell him how things are going to go, not giving him a second option. I can tell he's less than thrilled with my words from the frown that becomes prominent on his face. He huffs in annoyance and I take my hand away from his shoulder to grab the red pills. I shake one out and offer it to him.

"It's a good thing we found these. Take this, and here's some water." I pass the pill and a water bottle into his grasp. His hand clutches the pill and he grimaces as he goes to sit up.

Without thinking, I hook my arm under one of his and help him sit against the wall. I can tell the movement has irritated the wound, and I check to make sure it didn't start bleeding again. My fingers ghost Joel's skin as I check, and I'm satisfied to see everything is still dry. As I lower the hem of his shirt back into place I notice that Joel's face looks a little flushed and it's only then that I realize that half of my shirt is missing and a good portion of my torso is on full display right in front of his face. Embarrassed, I back away from him to give him some space and feel like I should explain myself.

"Oh, sorry. Um, you see I had to pack your wound with something and I just kinda tore this without thinking. It was the adrenaline I think. But these people have a whole stockpile of clothes so I'll find a new one." I ramble and stand back to my full height, backing up towards the door as I speak, feeling my cheeks become warm. Flustered, I open the door and go back to the building where I found the sewing supplies.

My cheeks burn from embarrassment, or at least I think it's embarrassment. The thought gets pushed from my head as I look through their supply of clothes, and settle on a simple brown linen button up. My old shirt gets tossed into the corner and I go about searching for a new shirt for Joel, knowing the one he has on right now has been ruined by his blood. They have a plethora to choose from, but one shirt in particular catches my eye and I just know it's something he will like. I grab the soft material off the hanger and drape it over my arm as I make my way back to him.

Thankfully the awkward tension has dissipated with my return. Joel is drinking the water I found when I enter, and he places it beside himself when he hears me. His eyes lock onto the shirt over my arm and I hold it out for him to see.

"Thought you'd like this one." I say, looking over the material. It's a just a simple flannel, similar to the one I first met him in but this one is brown and not green. Not only did I pick this one because I thought he'd like it, but I think it would make his dark doe eyes look even more beautiful. Joel nods once,

"Thank you." He says and his eyes drift from the shirt to my face, and I give him a small smile, folding the shirt for him and placing it beside him.

"Eat this, it'll help the pill absorb. But fair warning it's probably all crumbles." I say and rummage around in my bag, finding the granola bar from a ransacked building. The wrapper crinkles in my hands as I pass it to him. He unwraps it and it's not as crumbled as I thought it would've been. He splits the bar into two and holds out a half for me, but I shake my head.

"Thanks, but you need it more. Plus these people have to have a stash somewhere. I'll find that." I decline his offer, pushing his hand back to him. The tiredness is beginning to creep up on me, and it's worse than usual, likely due to the adrenaline crash.

I sit beside Joel and rest my head back against the wall, letting my eyes close. The tension from my shoulders starts to dissipate, but I can feel that the muscles are achy. I know that if I stay here for too long, I'll never be able to get myself going for the rest of the day. And there are still things to be done. But five more minutes can't hurt, right?

Five minutes turns into an hour and I'm rubbing my eyes as I force myself back to my feet, Joel snoring beside me. He fell back asleep shortly after he finished the granola bar and his rhythmic snores almost lulled me to sleep. But the rumbling of my stomach became too much to ignore. There has to be some food stored here somewhere and it's time I find it.

The buildings I've already been through are immediately disregarded. If they had food in them I would've found it. So instead I branch out from this street and carefully go through the buildings residing on neighboring alleys and roads.

Some are left barren and empty, a shell of their former businesses. Others are strewn with sleeping bags, nothing interesting hidden among them sadly. The door squeaks open to a smaller building and my eyebrows are quick to shoot up on my face. Seems I've found their armory.

From the looks of it, they went easy on us with the grenades. Haphazardly secured to the wall are machine guns, makeshift flamethrowers, dirty bombs, and bear traps. My eyes study the wall and take note that there appear to be no missing bear traps, each hook has one dangling from it. But with these people, I won't entirely discredit that there's one sitting out there somewhere. Mentally, I make note to bring Joel here once he's healed enough, he'll have a field day in here.

I move on without taking anything, feeling secure with the weapons I have now. The building next to the armory is empty, but the walls are scorched. They probably tested the flamethrower here. It's a wonder the building didn't catch fire. Luckily, the adjacent building is just what I have been searching for.

It's almost as if I've stepped into a fully stocked grocery store. Old shelves are lazily piled with cans, granola, and other non-perishables. There are even some first aid kits scattered, though none of them are stocked very well. Tucking a kit under my arm, I shop around and settle on a can of decade old spaghetti-o's. A delicacy.

With my loot, I head back to Joel and try to make a plan of how to heal him quickly and make contingency plans in case someone else shows up here. From our experience so far, I know nothing good can last long so I don't want to let myself get too comfortable here.

Despite knowing we are likely not safe, I don't feel an urgency to keep moving, an almost calm feeling comes over me, much like it did back at the farm in the garden. Maybe it has to do with food security, but something in the back of my mind tells me it has a whole lot more to do with Joel's presence than anything else. I do my best to tune that voice out.

Part Twenty

[trulybetty]

Sunday Week In Review on a Monday

How is everyone doing? Did we make it through the last week? Those who got a long weekend I hope it was a good one! Yesterday was a clusterfuck and I had the mother of all naps - the type where you wake up and don't know where you are let alone what day of the week it is lol.

So here is Sunday's Week in Review, on a Monday edition! 💕

Truly Betty Updates This Week…

Strings IV

Sequins

First Sentence Game

Fics I Enjoyed This Week…

A Girl Walks Into a Bookstore (Ezra) by @oonajaeadira

While I’m still undecided if I truly enjoy Prospect, I absolutely do love a good Ezra fanfic and this one doesn’t disappoint. It started as a late-night read last Sunday when I was the only one awake and once I started I couldn’t stop. It also seems to have popped up for a lot of other readers as I’ve seen it all over my dash since. @oonajaeadira master list is a joy to go through on Sundays at the moment. 

Until Now, Until You | Chapter 1 (Javier Peña) by @wildemaven

This was all the right levels of sexy and spicy and leaving you wanting more and I can’t wait to see how this plays out when the two run into one another again!

Leave off Your Wanderings (Joel Miller) by @oonajaeadira

This series is a total balm to my TLOU2 feels - this is the ending Joel deserved (and in my mind the official sequel to TLOU) and in the third instalment the autumn vibes are warm and cozy, and the build-up between Joel and Songbird is soft in all the right places. This whole series is a warm gentle hug and the writing is so good - definitely check this one out.

Hungry Hearts | Atlantic City (Joel Miller) by @atinylittlepain

I’m sad that this series is nearing its end, but that means I get to go back and read it again. Between flashbacks of young Joel with baby Sarah we’ve got Cherry and Joel reconciling in present day and never knew mini-vans could be so sexy, so check it out!

The Layover | Epilogue (Frankie Morales) by @goodwithcheese

This finale was bittersweet - it has been such a pleasure to follow this story, so much so that it was a highlight of my week. The story wraps up in a way that is perfect for reader x Frankie with them both on pace with one another. It’s done so perfectly that I read it more than once. I will be revisiting this story for sure.

Late Night Texts | Epilogue (Javier Peña) by @mvtthewmurdvck

Another fantastic story that came to a close this week *sigh*, this was just  the perfect ending. This story is a delicious rom com romp and I know will hold up to multiple reads. I don’t want to give anything away if you’ve not read it, but it’s a delight.

The Window (Dave York) by @wildemaven

This was a delight to read and Heidi crafts a great story of longing from a distance that has a soft ending that is all enveloping and lends itself to multiple reads. 

Bush Pilot (Frankie Morales) by @legendary-pink-dot

Oh boy, this one *fans self* this one was something else. Frankie taking you to see the sunrise but makes you see stars instead in the back of his truck. Oomph, all kinds of good spicy smut here that lends itself to a second read… or three ;) 

sam and diane, eat your heart out (Marcus Pike) by @chronically-ghosted

I could easily be biased as this was written based on the prompts I sent Taylor - however, Taylor blew it out of the park with our boy Marcus! This was spicy in all the right places and honestly, I would love to see more of these two. This is a take on Marcus Pike x Reader that I haven’t seen before and it will be on my perma reread list that is for sure! Also, peep the Cheers reference, *squee*

IRL | Part 2 (Javi Gutierrez)  by @grogusmum

I’ve had a hard time finding some good Javi G. fanfics, but this one here is so good in its characterization. The story of Javi meeting Reader for the first time since meeting online, is incredibly sweet and I had been waiting in anticipation for this second chapter since I finished the first. It’s also one of the few plus sized reader fanfics that nails it without going over the top and making the character a stereotype. I have this bookmarked to go back and re-read this week, because that ending has been living rent free in my head all week.

Private Dick (Tim Rockford) by @wardenparker

Speaking of plus size reader interpretations - this was one of the few that really resonated with me. I haven’t come across many Tim Rockford fanfics (if you have any others, please send them my way) - but this felt like a perfect interpretation - great at reading situations, until they’re too close to him, but he’s in a process of redeeming himself through his relationship with Reader.

Fics I’m Looking Forward to Reading…

My TBR List is still a work in progress, will share it when it’s done 💕

Light Me Up (Benny Miller) by @musings-of-a-rose

Thanks to Jess and Heidi I seem to be straying into Benny territory this week and have been recommended this story to dip my toe further in. I mean the opening premise alone is enough to have me excited to get stuck in!

Double Dealings (Javier Peña & Ezra) by @julesonrecord & @stardustandskycrystals

1920’s, New Orleans and the potential of two Pedro characters? I cannot wait to get stuck into this one this week over my morning coffee this week!

Posts I Enjoyed This Week…

@shirks-all-responsibilities reminding me of my grumpy Joel (Pedro) header for the mobile layout of my blog. Now has me thinking about making a seasonal one now! September is Halloween Eve of course! 🎃

@wildemaven’s early morning thot post that just took on a life of it’s own 🥵

@rhool’s live blog of the pilot of the Pedro show that never was ‘The Sixth Gun’ entertained me while I had a tame evening watching something Mr. Truly wanted to watch while sipping on a non-alcoholic beer lol.

Things I’ve Enjoyed This Week…

The long weekend - didn’t do anything, no one slept through the night, but there’s something satisfying waking up on a Monday and knowing you don’t have to work.

Saturday’s interactions and posts were a delight to go through and helped my Saturday working go by so much quicker and made for a more enjoyable day.

This Week’s Song…

This recommendation came from @gnpwdrnwhiskey who told me it was Dieter x Bryony coded and it totally is. I’ve listened to this on repeat and I’m dying to revisit these two again, and have something up my sleeve 🎃

Hope everyone has a great week this week and Monday is treating you well! 💕 xx

[cowboysstolemysoul]

I'm replaying tlou2 for the third time and I just want to rant about Owen. I want to rant about Abby and Owen's whole relationship. I find it all very manipulative. Abby lost her dad, and Abby and Owen's relationship obviously ended. Why?! Because she was grieving? I know this isnt a marriage but I still believe in sickness and in health, they should have been there for each other. And when their relationship ended, it's very obvious that Owen kept Abby on a string around his fingers. He got with Mel, got her pregnant, and still never let Abby free. Then theres the infamous boat scene where they do the business, which is all Owen really wanted. To sleep with her. To cheat on his pregnant girlfriend. Idgaf if he still had feelings for her, im sure he did, but if he was actually smart he would have made that fucking obvious from the start. he could have either stuck it out with her OR cut loose ends and have closure. God.

[badluckbee]

Ellie, Tommy & Joel in TLOU2; Finding Strings

[statichvm]

top 5 moments in tlou!

this is ever changing and in no particular order, but:

the opening scene with joel and sarah on the couch. that brief moment of normalcy where we get to see joel as, ya know, just joel, is my favorite.

i’m predictable but the scene where joel and tommy are talking at the dam before the attack. thomas “immune to what” miller? impeccable. i wish we would’ve gotten more of joel and tommy interacting.

cliche but the porn mag scene always adds a solid ten years to my life. “why are these pages all stuck together?” “....uh 😳” classique.

i did enjoy the bit of the finding strings section of tlou2 where tommy is teaching ellie to snipe and then awkwardly trying to get joel and ellie to talk. spent the whole scene waiting on tommy to fall out his chair, but alas. bonus: “the temperature of the barometric pressure”

the birthday trip section of tlou2 lives in my head entirely rent free. i did not vibe with that game, but fuck did that bit get me.

[makowhiskers]

Tagged by @painterlypeach, thank you !! 

Nickname(s): i don’t have one on here, but an irl friend calls me pooka!

Zodiac: virgo

Height: 5’1

Last Thing I Googled: lmao ‘jack hall gang map 3′ listen i don’t have time to decipher these maps, just gimme that treasure!

Song Stuck in my Head: “future days,” pearl jam...yes, this is tlou2 related and it pains me every day. 

Number of Followers: idk and there is nothing anyone can do to make me check! 

Amount of Sleep I Got: typically anywhere between 5-8ish hours

Lucky Number: i don’t think i have one?

Favorite Song: this changes by the day so i honestly couldn’t tell you 

Favorite Instrument: i love the sound of string instruments 

Dream Job: psychologist! 

Aesthetic: lmao hmm, i fluctuate between messy goblin lesbian surrounded by my knick-knacks and treasure, and witchy goth-lite stargazing lesbian...the constant is, ofc that lesbian vibe with the goal of one day giving off lesbian of steel vibes. also, drop me in the red woods surrounded by a deep fog and dewy greens, the sound of branches snapping just out of sight and the feeling of tranquil not quite aloneness.  

Favorite Author: i don’t have one!  my favorite genre is horror, though, and i’ve been on a journey to find something truly spooky. slowly working through “house of leaves,” but also reading “the haunting of hill house,” and “the fisherman.” 

Favorite Animal Noise: i mean, i sure to like it when a little itty kitty purrs their sweet little heart out, ya know? 

Random: i’ve always been bad at those like, ‘ think of three interesting facts about yourself’ undergrad introduction bullshit and im so pleased that i’m done with that chapter in my life so i’m sorry but my brain is empty

Tagging: @makosilk if u ever return!!!