#tldr: jaskier gets roach to help apprehend a perceived dognapper

[jaskiersvalley]

This Is Not A Drill

@valley0fplenty here’s your gift courtesy of The Bog’s Mini Exchange. You asked for modern AU of the meet cute variety with Jaskel (and you get a bonus throwaway line of Yenralt). It is also cross posted on AO3 for you.

This Is Not A Drill

The park nearest to his flat was the one Jaskier considered ‘his’ park. He went there most days, took inspiration from the people who walked through it, wrote his songs. Sometimes he was mistaken for a busker which entertained him to no end, and quite often led to some fantastic conversations when he let the generous donor know they should spend their hard earned money on treating themself for being so nice. But that was beside the point. The actual point was, he knew his park, knew the people who used it. And there was a new man who had appeared. He was big, broad and quite intimidating with scars covering half his face. At least, he was until Jaskier spotted the Pomeranian trotting in front of him, looking far too proud. It was cute and absolutely not the kind of dog Jaskier would have thought such a man would have. He seemed more like Geralt, more at home with a giant mastiff than a tiny little ball of fluff. Still, Jaskier wasn’t one to judge, he simply watched the man make a loop of the park.

Much to Jaskier’s delight, the man was back the next day. Only, this time, he had a spaniel on a leash. It was a young one, not quite a pup but too leggy to be considered an adult. It would have been endearing were it not for the fact that the man cut through the park, walked up to a waiting car and put the dog in the back. The car drove off and the man walked in the opposite direction, hands jammed in his pockets. Jaskier could feel a squeal in his throat at the prospect of having just witnessed a dog theft.

Another day, another dog. Jaskier was certain he’d not seen the man a single time with the same dog. He didn’t seem to discriminate between the animals, they were of a variety of ages and breeds. But each and every single one of them met the same fate. They crossed the park, got loaded into a car and were never seen again. Jaskier’s heart was bleeding. He had to get to the bottom of this and rescue those poor dogs from whatever fate they were meeting. There was only one solution, he had to become the next victim. It took a bit of figuring it out but Jaskier managed to cram his phone into his shirt pocket while recording so he could at least have some evidence. All he needed now was a dog.

“Geralt!” Jaskier yelled as he banged on his friend’s front door. From inside he heard a low huff as Roach as she announced his presence. “This is not a drill! I have an emergency!”

The door flew open and Geralt blinked at Jaskier sleepily. So maybe a 7am visit wasn’t the most socially acceptable but Jaskier was going to be certain he would catch the criminal red handed.

“I need to borrow Roach. You know if she gets lost she’ll find her way home anyway.” Good luck to any poor fool who thought they could make her do something she didn’t want. She stood by Geralt’s side, drool dripping from her jowls. Even for a mastiff she was large and looked almost perpetually sad. She nosed at the packet of treats in Jaskier’s pocket.

“Just bring her back before dinner,” Geralt said and handed over a leash.

It didn’t take long to have her walking with Jaskier, heading towards the park. Okay, that was a lie, it didn’t take long but it took half the packet of treats to bribe her to walk away from Geralt. At long last, they settled on Jaskier’s regular bench and waited. It took a couple of hours and a few loops of the park to stretch their legs but, finally, the man came through his usual entrance. This time he was carrying a dachshund that looked barely old enough to be away from its mother. Jaskier saw red and even Roach let out a soft whining bark - the clever girl was obviously in agreement with Jaskier. Together they watched as the man handed the puppy through the window, saying something before turning away. It was Jaskier’s time to pounce. He got up and very deliberately started off in the direction of the man, intending to cross paths with him. Oddly, Roach seemed very onboard with the idea. What Jaskier didn’t expect was for her to suddenly launch. The leash was all but ripped from his hands and he could only yell a frustrated “no!” before Roach was on the man, jumping up at him like a puppy. She whined, yipped and barked, front paws up on the man’s chest, yet he only laughed. Jaskier’s jaw dropped when Roach jumped again and the man caught her, hefting her up so much like Geralt tended to do when he thought no one was watching.

“Hello Roach.”

Wait. What?! Jaskier rubbed his smarting palm where the leash had burned it and grumbled. This was not at all how he had planned it. What the hell was this man doing, knowing who Roach was? Did Geralt know his dog was friendly with a dognapper? Then the man looked at Jaskier, a little hostile.

“Why do you have Roach?” He hefted said dog a little higher and got a floppy, happy Roach in his arms as a result. She really did look over the moon in her predicament, especially when she craned her neck to lick over the scarred side of the man’s face.

“How do you know she’s called Roach?”

They were at an impasse and the man glared at him, holding Roach as though he was protecting her. “I’m going to put her down. But the leash stays in my hand while I make a phone call.”

Which was ever so rude but it wasn’t like Jaskier could snatch the leash and run. He didn’t have enough treats to bribe Roach into leaving. So he nodded and watched as the dog was put back down like she weighed nothing and flopped at the man’s feet with a happy sigh. A phone was fished out of a pocket and a number dialled - a peek told Jaskier it was a number assigned as White Wolf which was oddly fitting for Geralt. Finally, the call was picked up and put on loudspeaker.

“Geralt. It’s Eskel.” At least the man had a name now. “I’m at the park and met Roach.”

“Where the fuck is Jaskier?”

“Right here.” Jaskier was a little insulted that Geralt thought he’d lost his dog. Then again, he had been off to confront a suspected dog thief. By posing as a target. Okay, so maybe Geralt was right.

“So what’s the matter?” Geralt didn’t sound too impressed.

“Nothing. Just wanted to make sure your dog was in safe hands. She came charging over like the puppy she is at heart. I’ll show Jaskier how to avoid getting friction burn.”

“Just use plenty of lube,” Geralt shot back with a snort. “I’ll leave you to it, Yen’s found our lube. Don’t do anything rude in front of my dog.”

Just like that the call ended and Jaskier watched Eskel. To say it was awkward was a bit of an understatement. In the end, Jaskier cleared his throat and smiled. “So, do you actually steal dogs then?”

The unimpressed glare he got didn’t deter him. “I mean, I see you walk a different dog every day. And never the same one.”

“I work for a rescue, assessing dogs for rehoming suitability. The walk through the park is part of that.” Which made so much more sense. “The dogs then go to the groomer from here.”

“Ah.” Jaskier laughed a little nervously. He ran a hand through his hair. “I thought I was apprehending a criminal.” Remembering his phone, he pulled it out and turned the video recorded off, trying not to look too foolish. He failed miserably, judging by Eskel’s unimpressed look. Still, Jaskier wasn’t one to not try and turn things around. “Can I offer you a coffee by way of apology?”

The smile on Eskel’s lips was more than worth it and Jaskier reached to take the leash for Roach. He didn’t expect for a very confused hand to end up in his.

“I can work with this,” he announced with a wink. Eskel’s face fell when he realised what he’d done and tried to pull away, other hand holding out the leash for Jaskier. “Nah, you keep her. I like this solution better.”

With a grin, Jaskier turned them towards a coffee shop. Maybe Eskel wasn’t a dog thief but he had definitely already done a good job of stealing Jaskier’s heart.