#tldr my anxiety thinks theres at least 10 proverbial beating hearts under my floorboards | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pixelkip · 1 year ago

Text

Hey it's an anxietyposting night bc being alone with my thoughts sucks ass . Sorry in advance . Vent warning for what's under the cut

Today in the evil brain chemicals: getting really really paranoid about some shit u engaged in like a year ago bc you were In Too Deep with either terminal brainrot or an uncomfortable social situation and now that u think about it now it makes u just a lil bit uncomfortable or feels a lil bit wrong and your anxiety doesn't know whether this is completely unimportant or a Major Fucking Deal that you need to sort out or else you're a horrible disgusting person and you really wanna come to some kinda conclusion about how you actually feel about it so your brain will just be quiet for once but . The anxiety says no you must panic about it and never forgive yourself for the slightest possibility of having done something wrong until you either scream about it to someone or simply explode. This post is me doing the 2nd option btw. Actually kinda both but whatever . And I wanna tell my brain hey maybe the fact I'm thinking on these things again and my thoughts about it are changing means I've grown as a person but my brain goes LALALALLALALALA I CANT HEAR YOU OVER HOW HORRIBLE AND GUILTY YOU ARE.

my anxiety will not understand the concept of "you can make a bad choice or do something wrong and that doesnt mean youre a horrible irredeemable person bc no one is perfect" specifically for myself. Even when I've been told by both a therapist and my own parents that I'm emotionally kinda behind for my age so of fucking course I'm gonna look at shit I did or got involved in and go hm I don't like that. Maybe being online so much or something is making me more paranoid about ever doing anything wrong, maybe it's just making me think about it more, idfk. Maybe none of this makes any sense but I just don't wanna be entirely alone with my stupid thoughts rn. Wow this was not supposed to get this long oh well

#tldr my anxiety thinks theres at least 10 proverbial beating hearts under my floorboards #except all of them are minor discomforts and fuckups that i cannot for the life of me discern the importance of #in lieu of actually being able to talk to someone about my feelings i will scream into the void #tw vent #cw vent #ramble post #might delete late idk well see how i feel #i just really needed to get this out somewhere and long rambly tumblr post was the only way i could think of

0 notes