#tissue in the spot is just really dense and it was misread

[raeathnos]

.

[my-soul-sings]

I dare you to do it. Please do it. In exchange, I'll make one too! -Anon

YOU MADE ME DO THIS

YOU FORCED MY HAND

***

This wasn’t at all what Artem had in mind when he decided to confess to her. 

He hadn’t even gotten to the end of the speech that he had prepared for her, when he first spotted moisture growing in her eyes. She then immediately dropped her gaze to the floor while her fingers interlocked into tight fists. 

Naturally, he stopped mid-sentence to ask if something was wrong. 

It took a second or two before she timidly shook her head in response to his question. 

“No, I… I just… didn’t think you would do this.” 

It was then that he noticed a tear fall onto her shirt, seeping into and staining the fabric.

Artem didn’t quite know whether those were happy tears or not. But from the way her body language appeared to be clamming up, it seemed more likely to be the latter.

“Sorry, should I have chosen somewhere less public? Do you want to move this somewhere else?” He had brought her to the amusement park, thinking the lively atmosphere would let her feel more at ease. But at that moment, she looked more stressed than she had been when she first arrived.

Looking back, it should have occurred to him that she might have been stressed for different reasons than what he had thought.

“Let’s stop this here, Artem,” she told him, still refusing to raise her face to look at him. He wanted to call her name, to have her meet his eyes so he could find out what’s wrong. But right then, he couldn’t bring his voice to work. All he could feel was his heart sinking in his chest like a boulder into an abyss.

Artem may be dense in the romance department, but he had worked with and known her long enough to know what she was really getting at.

“Okay. Let me take you home.” 

She didn’t say anything when he gestured for her to walk ahead, but she kept a noticeable distance between them for the entire walk back to the car.

The sounds of the fountain and children’s laughter gradually grew softer behind them, until they were completely enveloped in an awkward silence. 

***

The drive back was a silent one. Artem didn’t know if it would be appropriate to turn on the radio, so he left it as it was. She, on the other hand, looked out the window of the passenger seat the entire time in a seemingly deliberate attempt to avoid looking at him. 

Where had he gone wrong? Artem thought he had read the signs right, but had he heavily misunderstood her feelings towards him? Should he have waited a little longer to observe the situation more before making this move? Sure, he had decided to confess because he didn’t want to wait around forever and have any regrets if he was too late, but if she didn’t feel the same way towards him, he might have just put a huge dent in their relationship. 

In the worst case scenario, that dent may be an irreparable one. 

The car rolled to a stop in front of her apartment building. 

“We’re here,” he said, breaking the silence as delicately as he could. “Are… you okay?”

She didn’t respond immediately. It didn’t look like she was crying, but Artem glanced at the tissue box next to him in case she needed it. 

Eventually, she cleared her throat, and finally turned to face him. Her expression was grim, her eyes downcast and her lips pursed into a thin line. It looked like she was struggling to think of what to say. 

“I’m sorry,” were the first two words that left her. A rush of guilt filled Artem and he tried to interject, but she held up her hand, indicating that she wasn’t finished, so he held his tongue.

“I appreciate all the effort you put in for this, Artem. Really, I do. I just… I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear enough. I’m not sure if I gave you the wrong idea or made you think that I had… feelings for you. If I did, sorry for leading you on.”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” he gently replies, offering her a smile. “I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I misread things between us and that is my fault, not yours.” 

“Still, I– I feel horrible thinking about how much effort you put into this and I just— The last thing I wanted was to hurt you.”

Artem wanted to say that he wasn’t hurt, that he was fine, but he couldn’t ignore the dull ache in his chest, or the growing lump in his throat. 

Still, he put on a brave face. Just for a little while longer.

“I might need some time to move past this,” he said, surprising himself with how steady his voice sounded, “but I’ll be fine. I should apologise as well; I never wanted to make you cry, but it seems that I have hurt you once again.” 

She shook her head. “Artem, I appreciate you as my colleague. I really do. I still look up to you. A lot. You know that, right?”

It was slightly easier to smile this time. “Yes. I feel the same.”

“Maybe we should take some time away from each other. We probably need some time to ourselves to think things through. After that, let’s start working together again like we always have. Okay?” 

She had taken the words right out of his mouth. “Thank you. I was worried that I had done something irreparable to our relationship, but I’m glad that you’ll still be happy to work with me.” 

“Of course. We’re partners, right?” 

It was once a cherished term he would use to refer to them, but hearing it now stung a lot more than he would like to admit. Artem’s smile faded just slightly, but he quickly recovered. “Yes. Always.” 

“I’ll see you on Monday then?” 

“Yes. Have a good rest over the weekend.” 

She looked like she had more to say, but then she seemed to decide against it and chose to open the door instead. “Bye Artem. Thanks for the ride home, and… I’ll see you on Monday.” 

He waved her goodbye, and made sure she had entered the apartment building before finally relaxing his strained face and driving off. 

A few blocks down the road, the car stopped once again in a quiet parking lot. Artem leaned back against his seat for a moment, contemplating the events of the day. Reaching into his pocket, he found the jewellery box containing the necklace that he had painstakingly handcrafted for her. 

He held the necklace in his palm as his fingers brushed over the little red beans. How beautiful it would have been if this had really turned out to be his destined true love. Maybe he had hoped for too much, read too into what the red beans symbolised for them. 

Artem closed his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh as he rested his hand over his eyes. All he could see was the vivid image of her wet eyes and downcast expression at the fountain earlier. 

Before long, his own cheeks became moist as his hand clutched onto the fabric of his pants, creasing it in his tight grip. 

From the looks of things, it seemed unlikely that he would be alright by Monday.

***

Monday came, and things didn’t seem to have changed. Artem came in on time as usual, fixed himself a cup of coffee in his office, and got to work straight away. 

For the most part, she seemed fine as well. There was an air of awkwardness around her when she first entered his office to show him the affidavits that she had drafted, but that quickly disappeared as soon as they started focusing on work itself rather than the events of the previous weekend. 

Before long, they were back to talking like they used to, and she was even able to throw in a few jokes here and there to lighten the mood. 

Admittedly, smiling still hurt, but Artem played along. It was easier to do it when he focused on the relief from knowing that she was largely back to her normal self around him. 

It was also fortunate that there was a lot of work for him to do; it meant another late night for him in the office, but at least it could help him get his mind off of things. 

By 11pm, Artem had done whatever he needed to for the day and was ready to go home. He packed his things, switched off the light in his office, and headed towards the elevator. 

Just as the doors opened though, he couldn’t help but turn back, allowing his gaze to stray in the direction of her desk. Surely she would have gone home by now, right?

Perhaps he could check just to make sure. It wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong; it was perfectly normal to check on a fellow colleague. 

The rest of the office was largely dark since everyone had left for the day. But he immediately noticed the single light that was still on, and he walked towards the source, soon realising that it was coming from her desk. 

When he arrived, he found her sleeping on a jacket as her makeshift pillow. A quick skim of the documents that were open on her computer indicated to him that she had been in the middle of preparing her cross-examination questions for one of their upcoming trials. He did recall her mentioning that she would prepare the list for him by tomorrow. 

Looking at her sleeping soundly on the table, he couldn’t help but smile to himself. She always pushed herself too hard. 

Her breaths were quiet, and he noticed a stray strand of hair that had fallen in her face. Without thinking, he was about to reach out to tuck it behind her ear when he suddenly stopped his hand mid-air. His fingers curled into a loose fist, before his hand fell back to his side. 

After a moment’s hesitation, he lightly tapped her shoulder, causing her to stir. 

“Mm… Artem? What time is it?” 

“It’s past 11. You should go back and rest for now, and work on this tomorrow.”

“Huh?” She glanced at her screen, before heaving a sigh and rubbing her temples. “I wanted to finish this before going home today.”

“You’ll be able to think better after some sleep. If you need more time, you don’t have to give me the list of questions by tomorrow. The day after is fine.”

“No, tomorrow is fine. I’m actually close to finishing. But yes, I take your point. I’ll get some sleep and continue this tomorrow.” She offered him a sheepish smile, perhaps knowing that she would only lose if she attempted to prolong this argument. 

Artem nodded in approval. “It’s late, so let me drive you home. Just as a friend, of course,” he added quickly, hoping it wouldn’t give her the wrong idea. 

She considered his offer for a while. The second stretched so long that Artem started to wonder if he shouldn’t have offered after all. Did he make things weird between them again?

However, to Artem’s relief, she nodded her head. “Okay, but… only if it’s not too much trouble for you.” 

He shook his head. “Not at all. It’s on the way.” 

“Thanks, Artem. I’d really appreciate it.”

She dozed off in the car less than five minutes after he drove out of the parking lot. 

At the next red light, Artem glanced at her sleeping side profile, and he couldn’t help but chuckle wistfully to himself. There was no stopping the warmth that swept through his chest as his eyes traced the curves of her sleeping face. 

Even if she didn’t return his feelings, he could be okay with that. It didn’t mean he had to stop loving her quietly from the side; he could still look out for her in his own way like this, at least, until another man who was worthy of her and who could win her affections came along and swept her off her feet. 

For Artem, this would have to be enough. 

***

A/N: Okay @ the anon who promised you would write one in return, I am WAITING. :))))

Thanks for reading! Not sure if this was as angsty as you wanted/thought it would be but idk. I feel like even a heartbroken Artem wouldn't be fixated on himself/his own broken heart because that's just how the big teddy bear is :"( I love him. How dare you make me break his heart i will bReAK yOu aNOnS