#tired boys. lots of cuddling lmao. listen i am tired. it's just like last year when i was writing and every other chapter ended with

[tradingjack]

last minute jayvik dump :P happy new years yall!

(bonus wild west viktor under cut)

[shingia]

i’m not sure if you’ve gotten this request before (feel free to ignore if u have loll) but could i request how hq boys would help u when ur hungover.... cause i am big time rn LMAO please and thanks <33

✗ HQ BOYS WHEN YOU’RE HUNGOVER ✗

the way i ran to my drafts to start writing this omg 🏃🏻‍♀️ ngl it almost made me miss being hungover <\33 anyways- hope you’ll feel better v soon and are taking care of your poor hungover self 😽

-> timeskip! kita, kuroo, tsukishima, suna, oikawa

-> warnings : mentions of alcohol (for obvious reasons), mentions of throwing up and mentions of food

— KITA

• this man knows how to handle a hangover better than anyone

• he’s a moderate drinker, but his grandmother’s books contain the cure to everything and he’s more than willing to make you benefit from his knowledge

• he will make you drink these three bottles of water, that bowl of tomato soup and that banana milkshake with a tablespoon of honey. dehydration ? he doesn’t know her

• but kita also knows how important it is to not stay in bed all day, so he’ll insist on having you spend at least thirty minutes outside in the fresh air, most probably in your backyard

• you can refuse, of course. but he’ll take away your cuddle privilege immediately, so~ your choice

• also expect a lot a few disapproving looks,,, because as much as he loves to pamper you, he can’t help but remember the dozens of times he told you you’d had enough to drink last night. obviously you didn’t listen

• i think would disapprovingly care : like- lecturing you under his breath as he sprays essential oils on your bedsheets or tests the temperature of the bath water before letting you in

• remember the cuddle privilege i talked about? yeah, that’s going to be your reward at the end of the day for not being stubborn and docilely following his instructions

• with freshly perfumed bedsheets and his natural body warmth, you’re likely to fall asleep in five second tops. but that doesn’t mean he’s going to leave you, quite the contrary. no, this man will continue to take care of you in your sleep

• and by that i mean belly rubs to make sure your nausea is gone when you wake up, or gentle head massages to make your migraine go away. he might even brush your hair so that you won’t wake up with knots

• he doesn’t even expect you to thank him, because « isn’t that what all husbands are supposed to do ? »

— KUROO

• he’s probably hungover too because he had to finish half of your drinks,,, yet it still wasn’t enough to prevent you from waking up with the biggest headache

• in other words : dimmed lights all day. he might not even open the blinds. and to be honest he likes these kind of vibes

• sure, it feels like your brains are about to explode, and every single part of your body is aching (eyelashes included), but it’s cozy and your minds are too fogged to worry about anything other than getting better- so it’s self care and self care only today

• it’s likely that none of you will feel like eating something, but kuroo’s an athlete : he knows better than to skip a meal, especially when you both feel so weak

• so he’ll sacrifice himself and make the grueling effort of leaving the bed to cook you a little something, nothing extravagant but still enough to reinvigorate the two of you

• and since you don’t have anything better to do, you guys decide to watch the videos you took during the party,,, and slowly come to the realization that you have very few memories of what happened

• « is that you dancing on that table ? » you ask him, pointing at the man who is just a second away from tripping on a napkin

• lifting his shorts, kuroo glances at the bruise on the upper part of his thigh : « ohh- well that explains a lot »

• chances are that, because of his built, kuroo will feel better before you. so the true pampering will come later in the evening

• he’s got vitamins, ibuprofens, blankets, and his arms ready for you. you’re in for the deepest sleep of your life

— TSUKISHIMA

• « i told you so »™️

• you would wake up feeling like absolute crap and he would be eyeing you, standing next to the bed with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised : « how are we feeling ? », even though the answer is pretty obvious

• but he knows that sarcasm won’t get him anywhere so he tries to tone it down (try to)

• you might think he’s not going to do much, but as soon as you step out of the shower he forced you to take (even though you were exhausted), you realize that he did do much

• the clothes you wore last night are already in the washing machine, your new ones (most probably his) are neatly folded on your bed, waiting for you, and he’s cooking an anti-hungover meal that he looked up on the internet

• if he has to study while you’re getting some rest in the bedroom he will put reminders on his phone every 15mn to come and check on you

• and he never leaves the room without lifting the covers up to your shoulders to make sure you won’t get cold

• he also wets a towel and gives it to you to place over your eyes if they’re sore

• but as soon as he’s done studying, he joins you in bed with greatest pleasure. and it’s a good thing that tsukki loves comfortable silences, because neither of you feel like saying anything

• you’re just laying there, letting him keep track of time since you’re too busy enjoying being pampered that much

— SUNA

• blackmail material for YEARS (in addition to the videos and pictures he took of you during the party)

• he turns this into a vlog, you could be half-asleep on the couch and hear him talk to the camera from the kitchen like « so here i am making pasta for this lightweight who threw up all night... i’m still waiting for my boyfriend of the year’s award... »

• but really, he’s just being dramatic. deep down he loves to take care of you when you’re hungover because you get much clingier,,, so he allows himself to be clingier too

• as much as he loves to lay down on top of you, the roles are reversed this time. because being crushed by a 6’3 tall man while you’re hungover is probably not a very good idea

• but before these lazy cuddles, he wants to make sure you’re comfortable : so he’ll remove your makeup (if you wore any) and give you his clothes because he knows you like how oversize they are

• so yes, naps and water are definitely the keywords of the day, but tell him once that you crave one specific food and he’ll immediately go get it for you

• he’s also surprisingly careful with any possible headache, so he’ll keep his earphones on while scrolling on his phone to make sure you can rest in complete silence

• however, at some point he will hand you his phone and have you record a video for your future self. something along the lines of : « hi y/n, this is you from the past. i feel like absolute shit right now so please be more reasonable next time... and don’t let rin get more embarrassing pictures of us »

• and you can be sure that he’ll use this video as a threat next time you’re partying. he would just have to point at his phone from the other side of the room and you would understand what he means

— OIKAWA

• he’s not the person to call if you want to be talked out of partying ever again

• because not only does he spend the entire day praising you highly for the way you looked yesterday, but you also realize that he loves your drunk self (as long as he’s here to watch over you)

• he doesn’t mind you complaining because he’s had a few hangovers of his own,, so feel free to whine about your stomachache/headache all you want

• and if you throw up ? it’s ok, he’s got you. and he’s not leaving your side unless you ask him to

• literally, he spends the entire day babying you. you’re feeling too tired to brush your teeth ? no problem, he’ll have you sit on the edge of the bathtub and do it for you

• same goes for washing your hair or getting dressed : there’s nothing he’ll refuse

• if your head doesn’t hurt too much, he’ll offer to watch a stupid tv show in front of which you can fall asleep without missing anything important

• and he’ll make sure to get the right cuddle position right away because he knows you’ll probably fall asleep very quickly and he doesn’t want to wake you up by fidgeting under you

• also: expect many many scalp massages. and his hands are the softest so they feel absolutely divine

• i think oikawa knows a lot about hydration so he’ll probably make you drink something like sugary water to give you a little boost. and if you don’t trust this drink, he’ll try again with another one until you’re completely hydrated

• and as i said, he’s very supportive,, almost too much : « you finished your glass ! i’m proud of you baby! »

taglist : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @kelsuuki @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac @ijustwantfreenetflix @mimaki @maitenight

[lovelytarou]

domestic bokuto headcanons

pairing: bokuto koutaro x reader

genre: fluff

tags: fluffy fluffy domestic bokuto hcs because i am a simp for him 🤧

a/n: nobody requested this i just can't get bokuto out of my head hngg,,, brain go brr

➴ he's super cuddly in the morning always looking for your body and your warmth as his limbs wound even tighter around you like an octopus lmao

➴ would 100% whine when you pull away to get ready for the day,,,but would absolutely get up late because of his clingy ass ksgdks but seriously it's kind of cute that he can't get enough of you and wanting you first thing in the morning <33

➴ i feel like this is said very often on here but,,,i headcanon him as a type of hugger that would absolutely hug you with the rest of his body like pls,,,he has a lot of love to give to u okay? pls accept them all

➴ loves cuddling with you ALL. THE. TIME. it's a problem. especially if akaashi is forcing him to go to practice and when you visit him at the gym he'd definitely go !!!! my s/o !!! cuddles !!! he's like an excited puppy istg i love him

➴ adores it when you play with his hair while you're both on the couch or on the bed or just chilling,,,yknow? it is the softest when he just got out of shower and it's kinda damp but it's down and he looks so soft and cuddly and handsome and just absolutely ready for you to smother him with affection !!!

➴ falls asleep on top of you. you once complained that this beefy boi is too heavy for you but did he listen? no. he loves pressing his head on top of your chest and hear your heartbeat. if he focuses too hard he'll hear that it's sync with him and he thinks it's so sweet it makes him m e l t

➴ when he holds your hands, he likes to swing them back and forth and before you know it, he almost flings you towards the fucking sky ksgdkssk he's way too energetic but it's cute. totally loves it even more if y'all are in a crowded place and you hold onto his hand, intertwined fingers and all, makes him feel like he had to protect you and works extra hard not to lose you in a sea of people he once did,,,he cried

➴ loves loves loves loves to swipe your hair away from your face (if you have long hair) if not, he likes to ruffle them like how he would in his teammates skrsjds that's how he shows affection ok?

➴ randomly kisses your nose because he loves to see your face all scrunched up from the ticklish feeling and he'd always lean back to laugh at how cute you are

➴ is suuuper helpful around the house surprisingly lmao. even a few years into the relationship he never fails to impress you and go to certain lengths just for you <3 trouble reaching that jar? dw he's got it for you. trouble opening it? he'll open it for you, babe maybe you even get to see his muscles flex too. can't sweep the dusts underneath the furniture? he'll pick it up for you, sweetheart. struggling to fix a broken equipment in the house? he'll help fix it for you although he'd probably break it even more yikes

➴ every night is movie night no matter how tired the both of you are and it's literally just a mess of limbs tangled together to the point that you don't know whose leg is whose, and the movie is playing in the background as the two of you talk about how your day went while looking at each other adoringly and listening intently to what the other is saying

➴ on the times where he comes home earlier than you, he'd spam you with a lot of chats, texts, calls, whatever. telling you how much he misses you already and how he hopes that you hurry home because if he doesn't get all the cuddles and kisses he'll die!

➴ would ocassionally wrap his beefy arms around your middle from the back whenever you're washing the dishes and places his chin on your shoulder. he loves to watch you do whatever and for him it's already the most beautiful thing ever.

➴ this might sound creepy but,,,he likes watching you sleep like the way you look so peaceful and without a worry in the world and how you just look so natural and imperfectly perfect

➴ blasts loud music in the house whenever y'all are cleaning around the house,,you both are doing more 80% dancing and 20% cleaning tbh. he'd find some hidden and old stuff from different parts of the house and he'd get distracted playing with it and tagging you along as well. in the end, the cleaning will have to be done another day

➴ he once tried to bake you something for your birthday as a surprise. you don't know what it was– a cake? cupcake? cookies? but you do know it's food lmao. he almost burst in tears when you asked him what it is but apologized to him with kisses

➴ always wants to be the one who pushes the cart when you go grocery shopping. and it was c h a o s. he'd convince you to sit inside the grocery cart after buying the things you needed he's carrying the bags in both arms while pushing you, he's so strong oml

➴ would constantly ask permission first before doing anything like holding your hand or hugging you because asking for permission is sexc ok? what if you're uncomfy at the moment? he'll feel like an absolute asshole

➴ lives off of making corny jokes to see you crack a smile at least ten times a day. your smile lights up his life and it's like his daily dose of serotonin and he wouldn't have it any other way.

➴ it was like;

bokuto: hey, y/n, can you do the thing?

y/n: what thing?

bokuto: you know,,,the thing

y/n: oh *smiles*

bokuto: thanks

➴ for the last one,,,before you both got together, he'll always notice you drinking your favorite drink/eating your favorite food and he'd (un)anonymously buy them for you and discreetly leave it on your desk or locker or have someone you know give it to you and until now he still hasn't let go of the habit and always brings them home when he gets home from practice or whenever the two of you are out ♡

[beecherdrysdale]

Hiii my bbs, I hope you are well. Get ready for a longgg post.

Some opening thoughts:

Brigid and I will be buying new chains for our boys. Esp for Quinner because he doesn’t have one and I want to start seeing this 🥵 look. Kesh care to join us?

- a baby that looks like Jamie and has his cute freckles. Brigid knows what I’m taking about.

Also brigid would like like Jamie’s beanie vv much so now we both are in that club because I have quinners and Brigid has Jamie’s.

- Mykonos is gorgeous. That is that.

- I am loving Brigid tracing Jamie’s freckles while he sleeps🥺 and I find it adorable that Brigid can only sleep with Jamie :)this would so be insta worthy photos.

- hehe yes to getting beeped by machines!! Okkk I’m glad, so Lexi is busy with Quinner means that we are just getting coffeeee. We aren’t like you and Jamie who make out in arenas.

- hehe Jamie would just be glaring at cozzy when he sits down, and cozzy becomes slightly terrified so he gives up the seat but still wants $50 because he wants to buy himself something on the flight. He goes to sit w his sleeping buddy devon. Kesh and Kirby are just to cool to deal with our crazy shit in the morning.

-no sore neck for Dylan. Thank you brigid. Yes to all of these soft moments. Playing with each other’s hair, the freckle tracing and the slightly heated make out that you would be having while Dylan is sleeping because I don’t think he could handle that lol. Another thought jamie just helping you fidget less because you keep hitting the back of Bowen’s seat and he’s sleeping.

- Kesh and Kirby are like the star couple, they are just perfect with each other. I understand why you wouldn’t want to know us esp when quinton Braden and Peyton start to throw snacks over the seats.

-honestly if I had that much coffee I would probably throw up, but kudos to Quinner for passing out after consuming all of that. I want freckles kisses but also I would play with jacks rope bracelets and w his hair 🥺. You would probably get really annoyed because of my leg tapping so Quinner also needs to calm that down as well.

- me slapping Ryan to wake up is just vv funny to me. Yess to them admiring our hair . Whenever I travel to warm places my skin always clears uppp so it’s nice.

-yay we are all sharing rooms w our bbs. hey hey

hey I’m not that dirty minded but like how can you resist? I don’t wanna hear to much from the two of you I mean it 😏. Omg I just had an idea imagine everybody just running into each other’s rooms and chasing each other. I hope we don’t walk in on you two lol. And we all settle in one room and have a slumber party lol. Face masks w the boys ‘I’m sorry why is it green’ ‘calm down, it’s a cucumber face mask it’ll hydrate your skin’ and then when they take them off the boys are glowing heheh.

- ok so I’ve bought an entire new wardrobe for this trip lol l. Ooo shopping would be vv fun. In this reality we have money hehe. Jamie carrying you into the water is 🤌 and I love it. Me and Quinner still need to be chaotic so we push each other into waves and then Brigid and jamie join. Meanwhile Kesh and Kirby are just chilling. Yesss with the hair slicked back and just wrapping your legs around their waists and maybeeeee kissing.

-finally me and Brigid are on the same team. Like Ryan you hit me in the face brigid will hit you 2x harder. Yess to all of us having moments on the beach at night.

- apparently we had some eventful nights😏 ehich I love even some of the boys because they want to have summer flings so no early morning for us. I love hotel breakfast as well esp if they have a buffet because you can eat as much as you want.

- cliff diving: ofc Brigid and Dylan go first because they are literally not scared of anything. aww you grabbing Jamie’s hand while he’s terrified. While that’s happening me and Ryan are hyping each other up, we slap each other on the backs etc. And we start to run and I get Quinner to come even if he’s terrified. I’d probably yell ‘let’s fucking goooo’ Brigid I’m making you the person that yells Marco the entire time lol cuz you are the swimmer of the group. Hehe us blaming Kesh and Kirby because they couldn’t figure out how to get out of the water. just a thought, wouldn’t it be better if you stay with the boys just in case they have trouble swimming and you can help them. And maybe I can go with Dylan and bond with him a bit. Any way works tho :). Hehe once everybody gets to the beach we are just crawling because we are tired from swimming and we just sleep on the beach lol.

- I’m good with dong half and half- snorkelling and scuba. Awww you holding Jamie’s hand and pulling him along. Same with me and Quinner and kesh and Kirby. I was terrified lol . Oo that’s so cool that you got to swim with turtles. That’s great for 8 year old Brigid:)).

Ooo a catamaran is so fun as well. Anyways dylan is just talented at everything. So he plays guitar and maybe he can help me reawaken my guitar skills. So I just watch him lol. Finally somebody who doesn’t make fun of me listening to the mamma Mia sound track. I love it sm and it just gives off the biggest Greece vibes. Aww and all of us just singing softly. And then just cuddling with the boys in the sun and me taking a bunch of photos! Aloe Vera it is😏😏.

Side story: so brigid you are playing music on the speakers while we are on the boat and Jamie goes to change the song and sees that there is an adorable photo of you and him as your wallpaper and he asks ‘you have me as your lock screen’ and you blush and say yes and he gives you the biggest kiss and then the rest of the boys are like awwww and all compare lock screens. And then Quinner looks at mine and smiles same w Kirby.

Yayyy us dressing cute all of hair is in natural waves/curls and getting dinner at a cute restaurant. and then exploring the nightlife in Mykonos. Ooo the drinks are a plus to us being chaotic at night. Like we would laugh so much at night. Awww kisses under the moon and then backkkk to the hotel for spicy evening pt 2

Side note: so imagine we already had dinner and we just start exploring Mykonos and we come across a live band playing outside and Jamie sees people dancing and then asks you to dance:) and you ofc agree and you just have the most intimate slow dance 🥺 and you just stare into his eyes and then tuck your face into his neck. Kirby also sees and asks kesh to dance and they are just admiring each other. And then Quinner sees me pouting and crying over you two and asks me to dance as well and we also slow dance. The rest of boys also find some ladies to dance with.

Next day: we decide to explore Mykonos like going to see the ruins and historical sights. So we all set off in the morning. Since Greece has a lot of alleys and stairs everyone some of us ( me and Ryan I fall down the stairs sm ) accidentally fall down the stairs ‘oh for fucks sake why do I always have to fall’ ‘what about me Lexi?’ ‘ you’re a hockey player you fall all the time anyway’ so we just bicker and you guys laugh and Quinner helps me up. ‘Hey Brigid we heard you and Jamie last night’ ‘shut up Cole we saw that girl sneak out of your room lol’ so everyone is just chirping each other the entire time. We get to the historic sights and we are all in awe and take a bunch of photos. Then we go get lunch and just chill. After that we all return to the hotel in the evening and we all get dinner. All in all I am loving this trip. It’s just so great.

Also I realized that pro tennis players go there during off season and so if I see one of them I will totally ask for a photo and go play tennis with them one afternoon. ‘Omg guys Serena William is hereeee’ and I just run off lol.

- another part might be happening but I might start with our Europe tripppppppp.

Ly thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy 🥺.

omgggg all of this is fucking amazing!! i love all of it, and ofc you guys lexi and kesh💕 anyways longggg post ahead

ok so first some random thoughts

ok so first of all new chains for the boyssss. quinner needs to start wearing one for lexi asap, and kesh and i are getting new ones for kirby and jamie. tbh they’re just as much gifts for us as for them lol

omg yessss i want a bb jamie. and his freckles 🥺🥺 i’m sorry this child is going to be so pale tho

hehe all of us out here stealing beanies. jamie’s beanie just looks so soft and i want to wear and then i can play with his hair better when he’s not wearing it too lol. and ofc lexi gets credit for starting this trend with quinner 

ok moving on to the flight lol

pleaseee i just want to trace jamie’s freckles and play with his hair while he sleeps. and us only being able to sleep with each other 🥰🥺 hehe please someone take pics for us

lmaooo yes lexi is busy GETTING COFFEE with quinner. and no need to bring jamie and i into this lexi, please and thank you

hehe cozzy making jamie give him $50 to switch seats so he can buy food on the flight. it’s ok cozzy isn’t really mad bc he can sleep better by devon anyways, he doesn’t have to deal with dyl and i’s crazy shit. lmaooo love kesh and kirby ignoring us

lol you’re welcome dyl for keeping you comfy, you better be getting me food to pay me back later. and then me and jamie just being soft 🥺🥺 tracing freckles and playing with each others hair. awww just peppering each others faces with kisses and then it somehow turns into a makeout. good thing dyl is asleep so he doesn’t slap one of us lmao. omg yessss jamie holding my hand or putting a hand on my leg so i’ll stop fidgeting the whole time so bo can sleep lol

awww yes kesh and kirby are adorable together, we love that for them. haha honestly same, i can see why they don’t wanna sit by us

 hehe quinner just has insanely high coffee tolerance, so he’s passed out on the plane lmao. but that gives lexi the perfect opportunity to play with his hair and rope bracelet. hehe he might pretend to still be asleep for a while after he wakes up bc it feels good. and then once he wakes up he kisses your freckles and he just puts a hand on your leg so you’ll stop kicking my chair (ty quinner)

lmaoooo i want to see you slapping ryan awake. and then us looking cute with our curly/wavy hair and our clear skin

ok so first day in greece

all of us get to share rooms with our bbs:) also i said we would try to keep quiet, i don’t know what more you want from jamie and i. i don’t think you and quinner are exactly silent either at night lmao. omg yesss running into each other’s rooms playing hotel tag! hehe i advise if you see a singular piece of clothing on our floor then you leave, bc i keep my room freakishly neat. but anywayssss i would dominate hotel tag, i love that game and i have a lot of practice lol

omg yes slumber party!! we can watch movies and stuff together and make the guys do face masks lmao. ‘why is it green’ ‘wait mine’s grey’ ‘i don’t want this shit on my skin’ ‘guys just put them on, it’ll be good for you’ omg yessss when we take them off they’re just glowing, love that for them

hehe all of us girls going shopping together to get cute new clothes bc guess what? we have moneyyyyy. and all the guys are just like where did they go

hehe yes jamie carrying me and then quinner and lexi pushing each other in behind us lol. but then ofc jamie and i join bc we’re (read: i’m) overly competitive. and kesh and kirby just chilling on the beach lol. and then i loveeee moments in the water, just like the slicked back hair and wrapping legs around waists and definitely maybe kissing

hehe yes lexi and i are the dream team. ryan i will beat you tf up if i have to lol. awww and cute moments on the beach at night 🥰

next dayyyy

hehe late breakfast bc we had eventful nights and don’t wanna get up early. and then i’m eating sm at the buffet lol and the guys are just like how? bc i’m just a very hungry person in general lol

hehe ok cliff diving: obvi me and dyl first bc we’re the daredevils, but i also pull jamie with us bc i don’t want to leave my bb behind. and then you and ryan hype each other up and you guys come next but then you pull quinner with you too, bc you don’t want to leave him behind. hehe i’m not being marco the whole time sorry, whoever gets tagged becomes marco. hehe and then once we’re ready to get out we blame kesh and kirby that we don’t know how lol ‘wow thanks mom and dad, how helpful’ jk we still love you kesh!! honestly i’m down to either, stay with the guys in the water or climb up, i did do rock climbing for a couple years tho so idk if that makes a difference. but then also they probably need help swimming and you want to bond with dyl, so honestly up to you:) 

snorkeling and scuba diving - all of us holding hands with our bfs and swimming with them🥺 hehe yes little brigid was really just living a wild life lol. anywaysss then we’re back on the catamaran and dyl’s just playing music and then we give lexi a turn and she’s surprisingly good for having not played in so long. and then singing mama mia is so fun! and just hanging out on the boat in general and having fun and cuddling with our boys. and then ofc we have to use aloe vera lol

hehe yess i have aux on the boat, but at some point i just ask jamie to go change the song and he knows my password, but i forgot he doesn’t know i changed my wallpaper. so then he’s sees the pic of us cuddling together in the airport and he’s just like ‘i’m your wallpaper’ and i just blush and go ‘well, yeah’ and he just comes over and hugs me and gives me a kiss. so then everyone’s comparing wallpapers lol, and so quinner and kirby are vv happy when they see lexi and kesh’s

yesss all of us looking cute and exploring mykonos nightlife. haha everyone’s at least a little tipsy bc it’s super easy to get drinks there. hehe all of us super loud and laughing and stuff, love that. and then moonlight kisses🥰 

awww yes, we’re exploring and we see a live band so jamie asks me to dance. and i blush but ofc i say yes, so we’re just having the softest most intimate slow dance🥺 staring into each other’s eyes at first, but then i tuck my face into his chest bc i get nervous with eye contact. and then ofc kirby has to ask kesh bc they’re #couplegoals and they’re just admiring each other while they dance. and quinner isn’t the best with social cues so he doesn’t pick up on it right away, but then he sees you’re sad and asks you to dance with him and then you two are adorable together. and the other guys ask some girls to dance, and guess who ends up coming back to the hotel with us that night lmao

next dayyyyy

oooh yes going to see the greek ruins, and there are a tonnn of alleys and stairs and stuff. so ofc you and ryan fall down them (and i by some miracle don’t). hehe you: ‘why tf am i always falling?’ him: ‘what about me tho lexi?’ you: ‘you’re a hockey player, it’s kind of in your job description’ and you guys keep fighting lmao, but ofc quinner helps you up 😍

and the chirpssss that would be going on all day lmaoooo ‘hey brigid, we heard you and jamie last night’ ‘oh fuck off, i saw a different girl come out of your room this morning cole. what are you doing, trying to go through every girl in mykonos by the time we leave?’

and then ofc sightseeing and taking lots of insta photos, and then we all go to get lunch together. imagine the people who have to serve our table, i feel sorry for them lol. and then we could just go back to the beach or smtg before dinner and then back to the hotel 😏

final thoughts

at some point lexi sees a really good tennis player and goes to get her picture taken and see if she can practice with them, and kesh and i being the good friends that we are chase after her to take the pictures lol. hehe and then lexi abandons us to go play tennis with them for the afternoon

ugggh this was amazing and i love it, i’m excited for another part of europe, i’m down with either bc both would be amazing

ly too 🥰 it was amazing, i was so happy to read it

[bucksbisexual]

okay since im rewatching 2gether, might as well make my reaction public lol

tine trying to be a supportive boyfriend by asking wat if something is troublig and wat’s himbo self being like “nah fam im good” god i love this dumbass

also tine not knowing how to talk about his feelings is so relatable help

honestly i would’ve LOVED to see sarawat at least one (1) question

tine’s smile while wat drinks..... Sir I Am In Love With You

also his blush..... Sir I Am More In Love With You Than I Was Before

“is the lyric about smile or happiness?” “don’t cheat” wat saw through his bullshit right there KSJFHKS

i wonder what’s in those glasses because it doesn’t quite look like coke but it obviously isn’t beer,,,,

ohhhhh “a friend from high school” ... explains tine’s reaction we see in the teaser when he introduces pam as his highschool friend

also explains why tine thought sarawat made that video for her instead of him. wat is in his high school clothes and tine probably thought it was before he saw him (when in fact it was probably recorded the same day lmao sarawat hopeless romantic)

tine: one more game! [spins the coin and supposedly falls on heads] wat!

sarawat: no one can talk to me if i fall asleep

i’m trying not to look at bright’s jiggly butt why is ass so fat fOR

it doesnt add the points here if i dont write something else so intro time yeet

yknow what . we need more earn and more pear in these two last episodes . i need my wlw rep and i need it Now

“personal space is important even for couples” still cant believe man was the owner of their braincell in this scene

tine giving all of type’s info away to wat so wat can give it to man who tine knows will use to pester him until he becomes his boyfriend...... say it with me: tine mantype shipper

“how did you know?” “i prayed to god” literally the funniest part ever

manboss: im not going good luck wat: you’re so full of bullshit

GREEN <3

i will just say that pink is tine’s best colour. i need him in every soft pink thing u can find. it accentuates his skin colour so perfectly and we are Here for it honeyyyy

MIL SHUT THE FUCKUP

sarawat being a savage (rachet booty nasty) we stan

bro get over him oh my god he’s taken and happy with wat LEAVEEEEEE

and man pestering type begins Now ksjfh

i’m like 100000000% sure that the only thing in that whole backpack is a pencil and half of an eraser

im also sure type saw him buy the book since u literally can see him from where man and that girl are and

hold up the waiter looks like a guy from whyru,,,,,,,,,,

i need someone to write a fic about tine being an astronomy lover and wat falling in love with him because of the joy in his eyes when he talks about the stars and interesting facts about the universe and new discoveries of galaxies and other things that wat doesnt really care about but he listens to either way because he’s too in love to shut off his brain

okay back to the episode sorry i just really had to say this

wat really said “don’t take advantage of me when i’m sleeping” when they haven’t even kissed.......... no words, completely speechless

tine probably thought he was being real sneaky right there lmao boy he fell asleep 2 seconds ago

god green really appears for 2 seconds and yet he steals the show KSFJHKFJFS he really was about to beat the person in front of him’s ass for not walking faster im crying i love him

BITCH SHUT UP AND LEAVE THEM ALONE STOP TRYING TO BE A HOMEWRECKER

wat looks so offended by his offer it’s so funny jhfksjhgj still MIL GET THE FUCK OUT

them running around is so funny when u know they had to do that like 20 times and were tired as fuck KSJFHKSHFS

WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER i love u

omg the bracelet truly isnt there at the start of the scene :-(

“nuisance tree” lemme just cry a bit

the music stopping here......... they truly played with our feelings there huh

WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 2

the reactions are so kdrama outro i cant breathe KJHFJSFKJS

GET THE FUCK OUTTTTTTTTTTT

“well, you left him” IM GOING TO STEP ON YOU

bracelet where r u :-(

“it was here a second ago” it wasn’t im an obsessed bitch and noticed just as the scene there started

he looks so worried:-( tine baby

“i can make you a new one” “but i want the old one” why do i feel like that has more than one meaning,,,

half of the times wat touches tine’s head his hands are dirty as fuck lmaoooooo

is- is someone wearing a marihuana dress??????

manbosss again and he has a book

type is the teepakorn brother that can lie and will lie meanwhile tine can’t lie for a living

I LOVE THIS GUY GIVE ME HIS SELF CONFIDENCE

dim really made up a whole spirit just for wat to be with tine lmao i cant breathe (unless the pine tree spirit is an actual thing and he just used it for this specific thing lmao)

“that senior is me” “and who did you go with?” “that was a long time ago” “it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me” “green, drop it!” i love them KSFJHFSJHF

green and wats faces i cant bREATHE these are the faces of people who know this is all fake

BRO WAT WASNT EVEN THAT SLICK WITH THE PAPER IN HIS HAND SJKHSFHHKFS

my guess is that he had two papers that were the same number just incase they didnt get the same number but then somehow mf MIL had to come in and ruin it

i dont know who chose to make bright wear this much brown but it honestly fits him so well

coffee for his soon to be boyfie

man: loving u is kind of bothering? type: o_o man

he’s still reading the book kjshfsf WAIT HES SO CUTE

“you gotta miss me if i don’t show up one day” “just back off. i’m leaving. do not follow me. give me some time to miss you” okay tsundere ass bitch

type’s so rich he’d rather spend money on getting his tire fixed than get it fixed by man for free i hate rich people

he’s also too rich to care to check if his doors were locked i-

“for me?” “do you see anyone else?” bitch ass tsundere

type: smiles, realises he just did that, eyes cutely go o_o

type looks so cute in that scene for no reason im going to eat ur cheeks if u dont stop being a cutie

aaaaaand of course theyre not paired up

dude of course he is youre creepy and also trying to break his relationship apart only because u dont have the decency to see that you dont have a place in his heart whatsoever

dim honey........ jskhsjf

tine’s hair....... PLEASE I NEED TO TOUCH IT IT LOOKS SO FLUFFY

“the spirit doesnt like it when you pray with your eyes opened” did literally no one notice how nonsense that was? KSFJHSJ

GREEN U SCARED THE BABY WHY WOULD U DRESS LIKE THAT

he looks so cute im gonna cry like actually cry

weak ass blankets they gave them i swear

if u cuddled then u wouldnt have been cold but noooooo ur big puppy boyfriend has trust issues

baby:-((((((((((( i will cover u with a blanket and give u lots of kithes and hugs

tine having his phone die at an important moment and also having no sense of direction whatsoever is so relatable lmaooooo

thank god for the rain because otherwise sarawat wouldnt have ran the way tine actually went lmao i wouldve beaten dims ass if mil was the one who found him

this scene hurts so much:-(( his throwing the grass like that in complete defeat??????? the flashback to him saying that bad things seem to happen to them lately makes my heart break

the soft touches:-((((( please im gonna Cry

dnotsaysorrydontsaysorrydonsaysorrydontsayHE SAID SORRY FFS

baby :’((((((

“i prayed for something but i havent redeemed that prayer yet” “what did you ask for?” “it’s if i got to see you again, i would show you the video i made. it’s the song your smile you are so curious about” BITCHHHHHHHHH

HES GONNA SHOW ITTTTTT YES I LOVE HOPELESS ROMANTIC HIGHSCHOOLER SARAWAT

he’s all shy i cant breathe he cant even look at the screen skjfhksh

oh so it was on the same day sksjhj forgot about that

I CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

tine is all blushy im gonna sob i love these two

im trying not to scream and tines reaction to wat telling him he went to every scrubb concert just to look for him

ITS NOT GONNA GET STUCK ON THE VIDEO BABY HE WILL LIKE U BACK IN A YEAR!!!!!!

“i like you” “yeah. i know. i like you too” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM LITERALLY REWATCHINNG BUT I STILL JUST SCREECHED AT THAT I LOVE THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

their smiles after he said it tho.......... my heart hURTS

wat: the wish only drew us to cross paths again. us being together is because of something else, tine: what then? wat: shout out to my homies for being there for me since day one i love u bros

THE FLASHBACK AAAAAAAA I FOUND HIM YES U DID BABYYYYYY

boss’s whistle after he tells them that he only said he would kiss him until he dropped lmaoooooo

“his name is tine. [with the softest voice ever] what a cute name”

manboss looking at each other like this bitch is so gone for this random dude but we’re gonna support him because we’re the only friends he has

wat was probably wishing the pool had water in it so he could throw both of them into it at that moment KJSFHJSFHF

“he’s the one i like” “shiiiiiit” same dim, same

fan dee nAAAAAA

his ass was so gone he was gonna make his ig username lovetine i literally cant believe him

boss having the braincell in this scene i love it

“but earn has a boyfriend” LIES. SO MANY LIES. ITS A GIRL. SHES A WHOLE LESBIAN.

boss once again being the owner of the braincell...... im starting to think he owns it half of the time

“you get it now? us being together is not a coincidence. it’s because of us” WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 3

wait,,,,, tine’s little head tilt,,,,,,, SIR I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU

the stars!!!!!!!!! theyre there!!!!!!

“i think nothing bad is going to happen anymore” honey you got a big storm coming

it ended :’(((((( my beautiful boys i love this episode and drama so much i swear

lets watch the next episode teaser

i dont think tine is gonna lsiten to pam saying that but if he does,,, baby pls dont overthink okay he loves u and wont leave u for anyone in the world

phukong dont come back to him he knows that u like him and will play with ur feelings

type is gonna have to choose between im guessing either a boy interested in him from work or man and im gonna vote for him going with man lets hope i win

WHAT IS WRNOG WITH U BRO GET OUT HES HIS BOYFRIEND OF COURSE HES GOING TO CARE AND WORRY YOURE JSUT A CREEP FOLLOWING HIM AROUND HOPING THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP ENDS SO U CAN SNEAK IN UGH

“is pam your first love?” WHY DID U END THE TEASER THERE AAAAAAA BITCH

im so glad that the episode comes out today because i Need to know more

okay thats it if anyone read all of this first of all sorry kjshkfj and second of all thank u ,, u didnt have to but u did and ily for that okay bye

[icaruspendragon]

— Get to know me! 

The last time I filled this out was in July of 2017 and I just wanted to see how my answers changed, the new answers are in parentheses. 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? A boy named Igor (My husband John Paul)  2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy (Shy)  3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My mom today! (JP when he gets home from work lolol)  4. Are you easy to get along with? I would say yes, I don’t really fight with anyone. (same)  5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? He already has haha. (same answer, different person) 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Kind people. (same, also boys with long hair)  7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yes (I sure hope so)  8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Igor (Zuko lmao)  9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope (same)  10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Patrick (JP)  11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “You can be anything you want. I’ll support you.” ( “I was just training.” ) 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? The most recent Bastille album lol. ( Waves by Bastille, Rosie by John Mayer, Swimming In The Moonlight by Bad Suns, Thank Me Later by Anna of the North, and Jackie and Wilson by Hozier)  13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES ( same)  14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes (kinda)  15. What good thing happened this summer? Going to Gay Pride in Nashville (I got married)   16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? HELL YEAH (ye)  17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Yes (same)  18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No (same)  19. Do you like bubble baths? Yes (same)  20. Do you like your neighbors? I don’t really talk to my neighbors (no i do not like them)  21. What are you bad habits? I doubt myself a lot. (I used to do a shit ton of cocaine and still want to do a lot of cocaine haha)  22. Where would you like to travel? YES (same)  23. Do you have trust issues? YES (same)  24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Cuddling with my cats after I wake up. (going to bed lol)   25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? I love myself totally. (All I want in this world is a fat ass)  26. What do you do when you wake up? Check my phone. (crawl over my still slumbering husband to quietly get ready for work)  27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither. I am fine just the way that I am. (yeah same)  28. Who are you most comfortable around? Mackenzie. (JP)  29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes. (same)  30. Do you ever want to get married? I think so. (I am married)  31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes. (same)  32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? None. (same)  33. Spell your name with your chin.  bdfdfmkljde (ber5klkier) 34. Do you play sports? What sports? No, I’m in band. (no, but I was in band for 11 years)  35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV (same)  36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes. (same)  37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing. That’s what makes them awkward. (lol, yeah) 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Tall, dark, English major. (same)  39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Amazon lmao. (i’m a slut for etsy and i greatly enjoy candy stores)  40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m already done with high school thank God. ( i dunno)  41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? It depends. (No)  42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? Nothing. (probably thinking about zutara tbh)  43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes, I’m from the South. I think it’s ingrained in my DNA to. (yeah)  44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Space boi (same)  45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? That morning wee (work and wee)  46. What are you paranoid about? That none of friends like me and that they’re all just pretending. (same)  47. Have you ever been high? Yes. (same)  48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes. (same)  49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Oh honey. (nope)  50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black. (yellow)  51. Ever wished you were someone else? Nope. (ye)  52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Nothing.(i. want. a. fat. ass.)   53. Favourite makeup brand? Probably Tarte. (NYX)  54. Favourite store? Ulta (I don’t really have one)  55. Favourite blog? I don’t have one. (I have so many now, omg @babytreehugger @hugs4zuko @pineapple-frenzy @bluelady-atla @aprilmayship and @firelxdykatara are a few of them!)  56. Favourite colour? Light green. (same) 57. Favourite food? Pasta (same)  58. Last thing you ate? Pasta lmao. (does espresso count? if not, then pizza for dinner last night)  59. First thing you ate this morning? I haven’t yet. (espresso, lol, i have yet to have food today)  60. Ever won a competition? For what? Nope. (do band competitions count? if so, yes)  61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nope. (same)  62. Been arrested? For what? Nope. (same)  63. Ever been in love? Yes. (yeah boiiii)  64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was in seventh grade. It wasn’t great. (that’s pretty much it)  65. Are you hungry right now? No. (also no)   66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? No. (no, but more gently this time)  67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook. (neither tbh)  68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr (same)  69. Are you watching tv right now? No. (same)  70. Names of your bestfriends? Carleigh, Karlee, Maria, Mackenzie, Emily, Josh,  and Allen!! (same, but now i have JP, another Maria, Scott, Corbin, and pretty much all of my sbux coworkers)  71. Craving something? What? Not really haha. (same)  72. What colour are your towels? Different colors. (same)  72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Three. (five lmao)  73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes. (yes)   74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I only have two with me at my apartment, but more at home. (five)  75. Favourite animal? Dragon. (same)  76. What colour is your underwear? Pink. (blue)  77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla (depends on what is being offered)  78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Vanilla (birthday cake)  79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Gray (red plaid)  80. What colour pants? Blue nike shorts. (red plaid. yes it’s 1:59 pm. yes i’m wearing pajamas)  81. Favourite tv show? Avatar: the Last Airbender.  (same)  82. Favourite movie? The Way He Looks (same)  83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls (ye)  84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street (ye)  85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? I don’t have one. (ye)  86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? I don’t have one. (ye)   87. First person you talked to today? Sage (John Paul)  88. Last person you talked to today? Jaimy (John Paul)  89. Name a person you hate? I don’t hate anyone. (da president)  90. Name a person you love? Mackenzie. He’s kind of my hero. (Same, but also my husband I reckon)   91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? No one really haha. (same)   92. In a fight with someone? No. (currently, no. in the past? yes. this question is weird)  93. How many sweatpants do you have? One. (still just one)  94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Four or five. (so many)  95. Last movie you watched? Logan (I have no idea about the last movie i watched and also no idea what movie “Logan” is)  96. Favourite actress? I don’t think that I have one. (same)  97. Favourite actor? Avan Jogia. (same i reckon)  98. Do you tan a lot? No. (same)  99. Have any pets? Yes, three cats! (same three cats and now a dog) 100. How are you feeling? Tired. But that’s nothing new. (lmao yeah same)  101. Do you type fast? Yes. (ye)  102. Do you regret anything from your past? Oh honey (ahaha :’) )  103. Can you spell well? Yes. (i am okay)  104. Do you miss anyone from your past? OH BUDDY (ye)  105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes. (same) 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes. (same)  107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes. (same, and never again)  108. What should you be doing? Sleeping. (writing or cleaning)  109. Is something irritating you right now? No. (no)  110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes. (ye)  111. Do you have trust issues? Oh yeah. (ye) 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom. (JP)  113. What was your childhood nickname? Gertie. (that one and also ‘berkel’)  114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes. (ye)  115. Do you play the Wii? No. (still no)  116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes, the Danish String Quartet. (no)  117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? It’s okay. (it is still just an okay soup)  118. Do you like Chinese food? Hell yeah. (HELL YEAH)  119. Favourite book? Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. (same)  120. Are you afraid of the dark? I used to be, but not anymore. (yes)  121. Are you mean? No, being mean gets you nowhere in life. (no)  122. Is cheating ever okay? No. (also no)  123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Hell nope. (still nope)  124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. (sorta kinda)  125. Do you believe in true love? Yes. (yeah)  126. Are you currently bored? A little. (no)  127. What makes you happy? A good book, a cup of coffee, and a cold rainy day. (same)  128. Would you change your name? I used to want to change it to something “normal” but not anymore. (I need to because it’s been six months since i got married and i have yet to legally change my last name)  129. What your zodiac sign? Gemini. I was supposed to be a cancer though, my mom just couldn’t chill lol. (same)  130. Do you like subway? It’s okay. (same)  131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Probably just hope that it goes away. I don’t like change. (still same, except I’d probably tell JP about it)  132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I answered this earlier, and it’s still Patrick. (Still JP)  133. Favourite lyrics right now? The song Blackbird by the Beatles in its entirety. (WAP, in its entirety) 134. Can you count to one million? Yes. ( probably? yes. will i? no.)  135. Dumbest lie you ever told? There is no telling. (that one time i faked my death when I was like, 14.)  136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed. (cracked open)  137. How tall are you? 5′4. (still 5′4)  138. Curly or Straight hair? I have curly hair. (same)  139. Brunette or Blonde? I have blonde hair.  (same)  140. Summer or Winter? Winter. (same)  141. Night or Day? Night. (same)  142. Favourite month? December. (same)  143. Are you a vegetarian? No, but I have been in the past. (no)  144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk. (sameO  145. Tea or Coffee? COFFEE (BOTH)  146. Was today a good day? Yes. (it was alright I reckon)  147. Mars or Snickers? Neither. (same)  148. What’s your favourite quote? “fire cannot kill a dragon.” (anything uncle iron says ever)   149. Do you believe in ghosts? Hell yeah. (ye)  150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “He was so snug in there that he was able to pretend that he was safe at home, having survived the war, and that he was telling his parents and sister a true war story–whereas the true war story was still going on.” From Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. ( “‘They plant when they’re hot. It doesn’t mean they’re angry or hungry.’ I hesitated, watching her. ‘You’ve never seen one before, have you?’” From “Parable of the Sower” by Octavia E. Butler) 

[hockeytrashgoblin]

High~ Part 5

A/n: Finally a Mitch part in my Mitch story lmao hope you guys like it. I already have twelve separated parts and I’m not even halfway through so that’s great.

It had been almost 2 months since I had last seen Auston on purpose. I saw him at games when I'd go with Will but we wouldn't really talk at all. He wanted space and time so I was giving it to him. In the meantime I was becoming very close with Mitch. He basically moved in with us to help me and keep an eye on me. He really wanted to be around me and the baby as much as he could. 

Right now Mitch and I were sitting on the couch watching the leafs play in Florida. Mitch was injured so he couldn't go on the trip. I felt baby moving around really strong.

"Mitchie give me your hand."

"Why?" He asked distractedly reaching out his hand. I put it on my belly where I felt the baby moving. He didn't react at first but suddenly baby moved hard and Mitch was paying me full attention. "Was that baby? Did that little bean just kick me?"

"Yeah it did." I said smiling at the excitement in his voice.

"That's so cool! Hi baby!" He said to my belly putting his other hand on it. "I can't believe I just felt a baby move inside you."

"You're the first one to feel it besides me."

"Really? Not even William?"

"Baby didn't want to kick hard enough apparently."

"This is so incredible. Do you think baby likes me the best?"

"Oh for sure." I said with a big smile running my hand through his hair. Before I knew what was happening he lunged up and kissed me.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry."

"Mitch you're fine, it's fine."

"I was just overwhelmed with so much feeling."

"Hey listen. It's okay." I said holding his face and giving him a small kiss. "See? Totally okay."

"I can't believe Aus doesn't want any part of this."

"Yeah well, I told him he didn't have to."

"Why?"

"I'd rather have everyone in baby's life want it and want to love it. I want a loving environment for baby. If Auston is going to be resentful of baby, I don't want him to know baby."

"That's fair I guess. I just dont get him. He was so dead set on you. Of never leaving you again."

"All it shows me is that he's never going to change. As soon as it's not his way or what he wants he leaves. He's not coming back this time. Maybe as a friend but that's it. I can't do it again. Plus I have to think about baby now." I put my hand on my belly and Mitch covered my hand with his.

"He's an idiot. Not only did he lose the perfect girl, he also lost his baby."

"His second baby."

"What?"

"Well before I got pregnant and lost it due to the stress he put on me."

"God. I'm so sorry (y/n)." He kissed my forehead and cuddled up beside me.

"It wasn't the right time. I think things happen for a reason. Maybe I wasn't ready then."

"Everything is going good this time though right? We're at 5 months and you're doing good."

"We are yeah." I smiled at him. "Baby's kicking again."

"That's so cool. Maybe baby will be a soccer player."

"Maybe a dancer."

"There's so many things. So many possibilities. I can't wait to see every little thing baby does." He said smiling gently as he rubbed my belly. "If you'll let me of course. Sorry I keep talking like it's my baby too."

"Of course I'll let you Mitch. You don't have to be sorry. It's sweet how excited you are about this."

"It's just so amazing. Your body is creating a human. Soon to be the cutest baby in the world."

"If it looks like Aus it will be."

"No silly, if it looks like you."

"Mitch come on." I rolled my eyes but he shook his head.

"I mean it. You're the cutest person I've ever seen and your baby is going to be beautiful just like you."

"Mitchie..that's so sweet of you to say."

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm just feeling a lot right now."

"What are you feeling?"

"Good. I'm just feeling good and happy. You're making me happy."

"Good." He said kissing my forehead again.

"It scares me a little."

"Why?"

"Whenever I'm happy things go bad. I don't want you to disappear or find something you hate about me."

"(Y/n) I'm not Auston. I'm not about to leave you anytime soon. I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise." He linked pinkies and gave me a gentle smile before leaning in and giving me an even gentler kiss. I tangled my hand in his hair to keep him there a few seconds longer. He pulled away and smirked at me. "If I didn't know better I'd say you enjoy kissing me."

"Well good thing you know better." I teased bringing his lips back to mine in a real kiss which led to a full on makeout session where he came in his pants. He was embarrassed but I didn't mind and I told him that much. It was nice to be close to someone besides Auston.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a few weeks later and Mitch was napping on me. He had made a habit of falling asleep on my chest, holding my belly. It was really cute and I enjoyed it a lot until his alarm went off. He blinked and smiled up at me.

"How was your nap?"

"It was great. Did you get any sleep?"

"No. I never do when you nap."

"Why not?"

"I just like to make sure you're comfortable and having a good nap."

"But you're always so tired."

"I can sleep anytime. I can't sit quietly with you playing with your hair anytime."

"You're incredible. Like you're literally so sweet."

"I try my best." I said blushing.

"You succeed." He said pressing his lips to mine. "You're too good to me."

"No such thing. You deserve the best."

"You're the best. Does that mean I deserve you?" He asked with a grin. I rolled my eyes and blushed.

"You're such a flirt."

"I'm serious though."

"What about Auston? Isn't that going to cause issues?"

"What if I really like you and dont care? Is Auston going to be an issue for you?"

"No. Unfortunately I think that being my first love he has a place in my heart but I don't want to be with him at all."

"That's fine. As long as you won't leave me when he decides he wants you again I don't care."

"I wouldn't ever do that to you Mitchie. Never. That's not who I am at all. I don't just get over someone and jump to someone else. I'm not like Auston."

"I want to be with you so bad. I have for a while." 

"Why didn't you ever say something?"

"It wouldn't have mattered before."

"It always would've mattered. Your feelings matter Mitch." I said running my hands through his hair.

"Be my girlfriend."

"Mitchell be serious."

"I am."

"You realize that baby is involved here too right? Like you're not just dating me, you're dating me plus one."

"I love baby. I know what I'm asking you and what I'm getting into. If I couldn't handle you and baby I wouldn't have asked."

"This is going to be a lot of work Mitch."

"When have I ever shied away from hard work?"

"Never I guess."

"I know what I want (y/n)."

"I want you so bad Mitchie."

"Be my girl then."

"Only if you're my boy."

"Obviously." He rolled his eyes and kissed me hard. Speaking of hard, I could feel him poking my leg.

"Someone's a little excited."

"I just want you in every way all the time. Please don't make me cum in my pants again."

"You're not allowed to judge my body. It looks way different than what it did before."

"I would never. I think you look so hot pregnant. Maybe it'll be my baby next time." He said with a wink grinding on me.

"Let me get this one out before you start making plans for another." I said giggling. "I'm just nervous. I haven't been with anyone except Auston in almost 2 years."

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to?"

"I appreciate the offer but I'm so fucking horny that if you dont do something I might explode." I said making him burst out in laughter.

"We can't have that."

We spent most of the afternoon tangled up together having sex, kissing, and just cuddling in between. It was so different being with someone new but it was so much better. I was really satisfied and very happy being taken by Mitch.

[deathtotheangels]

For the “Ask Me Things” ask, I order you to do all of them

ASK ME THINGS

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Good morning!

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

We’re about to go grocery shopping

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depends on the drugs.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

No

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Of Course.

7. What does your last received text say?

Bog mood.

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Over a million?

9. Where was your last kiss at?

In bed.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I don’t have a sister.

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Coffee.

12. Where did you sleep last night?

In my bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

They can be.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Yes tf I would.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

Absolutely not.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Rainy.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Yes.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Sweatpants.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

I sure fucking hope so lmao

20. Does anyone like you?

Yes.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

No.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Yes.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

YES.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Since I have two, yes?

25. In the past week have you cried?

Yes.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

English Bull Terrier.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Out of the shower.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Yes.

29. Do you think you’re old?

No.

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yes.

31. What type of day are you having?

An average day?

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

No.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Warm.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

I guess so.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

Relationship. Flings suck.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I’d like to think I’m pretty simple.

37. What song are you listening to?

We looked like lighting by the wonder years.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Yes.39. Is there a person that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Em knows everything about me. 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

Honestly a dorky drawing of Castiel.41. When did you last receive a text message?

Like, 10 minutes ago.42. What is wrong with you right now?

I’m ungodly tired all of the time.43. How well do you know the last person you texted?

Pretty well.44. Does anyone disgust you?

Ofc.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

I’m already engaged to someone. 46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Not really. But I’m not in a bad mood?47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

Em.48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Light Blue.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

Lmao someone told me I didn’t get a job that I interviewed for so yeah.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Not yet.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

No.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

Oh yeah buddy.53. Do you like rain?

Yes.54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

I don’t care. 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Ofc. All of highschool?56. Do you like to cuddle?

FUCK YEAH I DO.57. Are you shy?

Kind of. 58. Do you get along with girls?

I’d sure hope so.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

Currently.60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone, my wallet, my cigarettes, my lighter. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

OH FUCK YEAH BUD.62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years.63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

^^^ I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years.

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

Boy howdy I do.65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

Yes. Christmas was cute.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

23, 22, 21.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

Neither.68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?   

Neither. 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

I have an Ithaca is gorges sticker on my car that a friend of mine got me!70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Lil Wayne.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

I’m an iPhone bitch.72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Like. 5 years ago?73. Do you like diet soda? 

Nah.    74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Horrible beige.75. Are you 16 or older?    

I am 23. 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

No.77. Do you have a job?    

NOT YET DON’T RUB IT IN. 78. What are your initials?    

NES like the video game console!79. Did you ever have braces?    

I was literally just talking about it. Yes. 80. Are you from the south?    

No, but I did live in NC for 18 months.

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

It’s pictures of my animals from christmas.82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

Yes. Occasionally.83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

My dad.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

No.85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Rocky Horror?86. Do you smoke?    

Yes.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

Flip flops.88. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yes.89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

straight.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  

Yeeee.  91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? 

A river.   92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

Yo ofc I have.93. …Had sex in a car?    

Yee YEe94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

In a relationship. 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?   

Laying in bed playing a game. 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

A long time.97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  

Kinda.  98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

Lmao yeah. Don’t do it kids. 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

I don't think so??? I’ve come close tho???100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? 

No.    101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?  

No.  102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

None of them?103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

No. I wish lmao.104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

Nope. Never. Thanks. 

Thanks for asking me these awesome questions!

[ahmuteun]

All of them :D

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Well, that would be my little and I love her but nahh

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

That’s a great question, I have no fucking clue lmfao

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

I mean if they had an addiction then yes cause that’s rlly bad

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Nope

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

No?

7. What does your last received text say?

“Nope, you only told me about the one”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Wayyyy too many

9. Where was your last kiss at?

………  his bed LOL whoops

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

August 10th

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water, maybe tea if I’m feeling it

12. Where did you sleep last night?

Mah bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

I am the worst person to ask about this LOL

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

I mean maybe some small, stupid, insignificant thing that I did 

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problem?

Lmfao I mean it would be fine but he’s fuckin stupid and would say/ do a lot of stupid shit 

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Nope, I don’t know anyone in the world who has that name lol

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

I’m not wearing any pants cause I’m in bed LOL

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Naaahhhhhhh I doubt it

20. Does anyone like you?

Highly doubtful, no matter what some people say

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Unfortunately 

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Nah, he says he is as a joke but that’s it

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

I mean kind of but I deal with it just cause I have to

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yep LOL

25. In the past week have you cried?

Nah, I haven’t cried in months

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Uuuuhhhhhh I can’t remember but he’s smol and white and cute

Unless I saw a rando dog on the street and forgot about it which I think I did 

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

In

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Ummmmm I don’t think so??

29. Do you think you’re old?

Nah, I’m still young 

30. Do you like text messaging?

Meh I’m neutral to it

31. What type of day are you having?

Unproductive but not awful cause I got to hang with my best buds

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Maybe for like one hot second but that’s it

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

If it’s warm and not sweltering hot then tha’ts fine but I like fall/ spring weather

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Yeah, of course

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

I don’t know what I want anymore dfsohafohifadsf fuck

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I’m generally a simple person 

37. What song are you listening to?

The h3 podcast 

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

 Yeah, unless it’s very clearly a joke or something but when I apologise I mean it

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Yep and I love them with all my heart 

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

 We aren’t talking about this garbage rn lmfao

41. When did you last receive a text message?

 Like 10 seconds ago LOL

42. What is wrong with you right now?

 A lot of things 

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

 Pretty well, we’re very close 

44. Does anyone disgust you?

 Uhhhh idk I don’t think so??

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

 Let’s not get into this cause I don’t fuckin know lmfao

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

 Yeah I’m fine 

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

 My roommate

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

 Navy

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

No I don’t think so,  I mean H told me that she knows something that I should know but it’s not her place to say but I didn’t want to hear it anyways  

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

 Uuuhhhhh no?? I mean maybe?? I guess it depends on what is meant by “giving up on” 

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

Nah

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

 Ummmm, no?? Idk

53. Do you like rain?

Yes and no, like it’s nice cause of the smell and ambiance but my bookbag gets soaked, my shoes and socks get wet, plus it gets cold

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

 I don’t have one but I drink so no, but like the drugs if it’s an addiction/ problem then yeah I care. I mean as long as they’re safe and not dying then it’s fine

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

I mean when I was younger, yeah

56. Do you like to cuddle?

 Yeah, cuddles are great

57. Are you shy?

Depends

58. Do you get along with girls?

Yeah but most of my mates are guys

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

NOPE thank fuck

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone, lipstick or lip balm, my wallet, and my keys

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

Oh for sure, without a fucking doubt

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

I don’t think I’m gonna be in a relationship for a very long time if at all so I don’t fucking know. But if the relationship has run its course before the five month mark then it’s time to call it quits

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Nope

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

 I mean idk if it’s cute, but it’s nice

Actually yeah I take that back, it is cute

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I mean I saw some cute dogs, but if u mean like romantically cute then nah

Well my roommate set up a romantic night for her and her bf and that was cute, it was gross but also cute

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

22, 22, and 21

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

Neither cause I have better things to do than paint my nails lmao

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

Neither lol

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

Nope cause I don’t like stickers on my car, magnets sure, but not stickers

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Lil wayne, easy

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

 ANDROID!!

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Saturday lol, my roommate and her bf bought some and let me have some

73. Do you like diet soda?    

 I’m not really a soda person so nah

74. What color are the walls in your room?    

White

75. Are you 16 or older?    

Yep, thank god

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

Nah

77. Do you have a job?    

Yep

78. What are your initials?    

CS

79. Did you ever have braces?    

Yep, I hated it but I guess it’s good that I had them

80. Are you from the south?  

With all technicalities, I’m not really sure where I’m from but it definitely isn’t the south lol

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

Idk I never post to facebook, I think it was one of those friendship memories things

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  

Nope LOL 

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

My mom, without a doubt

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

I did gymnastics for a hot second when I was little

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Uuuhhhhh ant man and the wasp maybe????

86. Do you smoke?    

Nah

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

Depends on the event/ what I’m wearing but heels lol

88. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yep

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

Natural, so wavyish???

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

Nah

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

Pool cause no sand LOL

92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

....... yes

93. …Had sex in a car?    

........ let’s not

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

s i n g l e

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

Walking back to my apartment 

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

Yesterday 

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

It’s alright, better than my last phone

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

LOL o boy, yeah I have  

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

I mean, I’ve fallen asleep cause drinking made me tired but I don’t know if that qualifies as passing out

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

I don’t hate anyone so no

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

No and let’s hope it stays that way

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Idk man, probably one of her older songs from middle school or something 

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

YES 

My mates say that I don’t but I do, it’s slight but it’s there

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

I’d rather eat glass than wear cowboy boots 

[finsterhund]

Exhaustion and updates

Hoping it's just an issue on twitch's end or the ISP but my test stream had the occasional drop of frames and freezing for half a second. No issues to me but it was present in the VOD.

Really hoping that's not a thing that is going to occur commonly.

Might want to see about getting better upload speed.

But yeah. Expect an update on my computer soon. I've been very busy and very sore and tired from doing errands, setting up my computer (it's a heavy boy) and tons of stuff. Laundry tomorrow and I'm still sore from all the lifting and running around so I'll be out of it for a while still.

I'll be posting photos and stuff. I'm very proud.

I was and still am so anxious about my computer being okay. I'm paranoid about that sorta stuff. There were some hiccups and troubleshooting and I'm sad I didn't get the no CD patch of Heart of Darkness working on it, but it is happy and healthy now.

Spot from my friend arrived too. The black fur on the back is damaged somehow which means not as soft and also shedding. Upsets me a lot but maybe that's a reason to get this Spot a service dog vest.

Also not big enough to be the proposed "giant Spot" but large enough to take on trips and stuff. Good for hugs. So good for hugs. Second favourite Spot after the OG Cuddle Clone Spot.

My computer is a handsome machine. So many lights and fans. Graphics card has lights and fans, heatsink has lights and fan, etc.

Also my friend finally gave me his old monitor officially for real this time. Because I bought it off him. So I actually have space on my desk.

I also fixed my chair. It's still loud and squeaky and broken but at least the back stays up again.

Expect some crisp HoD footage soon. Planning a high resolution death scene video. It's a long time coming.

Also planning to use the absolute beast of a computer to get back into Minecraft and start playing Among Us with friends. I can't tell health wise if I'll be able to finally get into 3D modeling but perhaps. Especially if I can get a new chair or start physiotherapy.

I discovered a way that twitter is broken. If you report tweets for abuse towards you/targeted harassment and twitter decides that the tweets were abuse and against the rules but doesn't think that justifies terminating the entire account, the person who made those tweets is told specifically which ones they were and has their account locked until they manually delete them.

In case you're wondering, yes, that does absolutely inspire them to immediately go right back to targeting the person who got them a slap on the wrist.

Like, if twitter just temporarily banned them and deleted the tweets without explaining which ones they were that would be fine, but not temp banning them and just locking their accounts until they delete the offending tweets literally does nothing except open up the person harassed to more harassment.

Nobody who gets away with harassment and keeps their account is gonna say "uh oh, twitter shook its finger at me I better leave this guy alone."

No wonder the site is so toxic. Not even Tumblr moderation was this horrendous.

Back to positives, I'm hoping once I'm no longer physically and mentally exhausted to start drawing some more again. Maybe with my chair fixed it'll be easier.

A Paper Beast unfolded edition stream is on the horizon, as are HoD speedrunning practice streams. That'll be a good way to iron out whatever weird freezing thing happens.

Now that I no longer am putting away money for my computer I hope to get back to commissioning art. I've sorta lost the drive for it due to my physical and emotional health.

I'm hoping to be more active with friends in the coming months, even though seasonal depression has already started to punch me in the gut.

They already have christmas stuff out. Walmart didn't even have halloween stuff this year they just went straight to christmas. All I can think about when reminded of the holiday is how it's the reason my last dog is dead. I have absolutely no reason to get into any sort of festivities this year and I am dreading how the corporate world is going to smother me with it in a way that is unavoidable.

Don't think I'm even going to celebrate the Winter Solstice this year. It just feels wrong.

Friends are already talking about doing their shopping and getting gifts and I'm walking past the isles in the stores and it just hurts. Just wish this year could just be fall and then spring. No winter.

I know this year is tough for everyone so I don't want to ruin whatever comfort my friends may be getting from the holiday, but it's a painful reminder to me and I was already avoidant of christmas on account of celebrating the Solstice instead. Before I could celebrate christmas with friends who did and had my own fun surrounding it but now all I can think about is how the last light of my life died of a preventable respiratory infection because the emergency vet office was closed. I'm the one who should have died of respiratory issues. That's what I'm predisposed to. Not her. It's one of the most horrific ways to die and I'd only ever wish it on my worst enemies. How many times have I scraped by from viral pneumonia and everything else and when my Zippy gets kennel cough for no fucking reason they just fucking kill her without telling me.

The thing is, the Spot photos are from Christmas so I wish I could just associate it with Spot instead but no.

I meant for this post to be positive primarily but in writing this out I think I've pinpointed why the seasonal depression is so hard on me right now.

My friend and I are going to be watching horror movies in costume on Halloween eating candy so I'm looking forward to that.

A green apple scented Spot is also coming from Lilsprout (same person who made Penumbra) so that's something good to look forward to as well.

I may try weighting and scenting my new Spot who I'm planning to get a service dog vest for. Also if anyone knows how to fix heat damaged fake fur fabric please let me know.

I just wish I could ignore christmas. It's such an alienating and depressing holiday if your loved ones are dead and you feel alone and hopeless.

I've started taking melatonin and it is really helping me sleep. Apparently it causes very lucid dreams. The first night I took it I had a lucid dream that was like I was awake but not. Briefly the new Spot lying beside me shifted into being Zippy (her specifically, not Spot) and I felt such a profound comfort as if she had visited me. I feel that's what Red Spot originally felt like when I was little, thinking this imaginary dog was Spot visiting me.

Was sad when I finally woke up though. Tried to do the thing where I stayed in the dream but my back pain got too bad and I had to get up.

Once I've done the laundry tomorrow and had some time to rest I'm sure I'll be more active online again. I hope. Will is streaming the Seventh Brother on the 30th so a bunch of friends are finally going to see the movie that the tired and weak crying puppy is from.

I don't really have any tasks out of my house to do right now except maybe some more groceries in a couple weeks. Of course my desire to go to thrift stores is ever present. I help buy gas so I should get to go lmao.

Think I'll listen to upbeat music now and then take my medicine. Hopefully less serious updates in the future soon.

For now my test stream is still available in VOD form on my twitch http://www.twitch.tv/finsterhund and I'm planning to upload it to YouTube later.

Take care of yourselves, and if you see stuffed dogs I'm your travels that look like Spot... I am interested. 👀

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛ more popular text posts starters. ❜

‘  plot twist: you let someone in and they don’t fuck you over  ’ ‘  you would not believe bill nye... if ten million Science Guys  ’ ‘  the lack of cuddling i am experiencing right now is upsetting  ’ ‘  why was shrek’s soundtrack so incredible like who sat down and decided that a movie about an ogre would have a beautiful rufus wainwright ballad followed by a smash mouth/eddie murphy cover of i’m a believer and how can i thank them  ’ ‘  i justify my impulses by the fact i’m going to be dead one day and none of it truly matters in the grant scheme of things it’s that “treat yo self” nihilism  ’ ‘  all i do is listen to music really loudly while i walk in circles and daydream :/  ’ ‘  but you are an entire universe and i am a bigger cooler universe where everyone skateboards  ’ ‘  my insecurities have destroyed so many opportunities   ’ ‘  maybe you and i exist together on a different wavelength than the rest of the world. perhaps, we are on a separate frequency.  ’ ‘  will u still love me when im no longer young and ok looking  ’ ‘  ʸᵉᵃʰᶜᵃⁿ ᴵ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵘʰʰʰʰʰʰ some fuckin physical affection  ’ ‘  stop thinking about everything so much, you’re breaking your own heart.  ’ ‘  concept: me traveling the world alone, figuring myself out, taking tons of cute aesthetic pictures, befriending kind strangers, drinking a cup of tea on a cute cafeteria, and trying out things for the first time.  ’ ‘  holy shit thank god vine is gone like can you imagine all the vines about fidget spinners  ’ ‘  me: reads the bad reviews of a book i didn’t like to seek validation  ’ ‘  if you think you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket and they classed it an “uncharacteristic purchase”  ’ ‘  i’m a dumbass and that’s just how it is  ’ ‘  y'all actually seek validation from people that don’t give a fuck about ur feelings??? LMAO bitch me too why are we like this  ’ ‘  special thanks to all the 10 year olds out there for making all those music lyric videos on youtube  ’ ‘  i am so gentle and kind hearted... and stupid  ’ ‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she i mean me  ’ ‘  just letting everyone who’s ever told me a secret know that its safe with me (and my mom)  ’ ‘  me n my eyebrows…………we been thru a lot  ’ ‘  i wanna jump off a building and not die just relieve stress by slamming onto the sidewalk and then get up and go get a slurpee or something  ’ ‘  all I want is vintage lingerie and good skin  ’ ‘  nsfw: nobody’s safe from wonderwall  ’ ‘  do you ever wish you could unmeet someone…. like,, we had fun times,, but it’s time for me to wipe my memory Sorry Bud  ’ ‘  date a boy who reads. or better yet date a 37 year old recent divorcee with a highly diversified stock portfolio who’s looking to feel young again and can treat you to what you deserve  ’ ‘  if you knew me in 7th grade i’m sorry  ’ ‘  *cha cha’s real smooth away from academic responsibilities*  ’ ‘  anyone else feel like they’re inherently worth less than everyone else  ’ ‘  be open with your love and loud with your laughter. life is so much brighter when lived genuinely.  ’ ‘  i really wish i could get a refund for all the love i’ve wasted on people like! repay my emotional labour your bill is in the mail  ’ ‘  i’m such a tease. i’ll tell you how bad I want to fuck you and then probably fall asleep.  ’ ‘  i’m crying my best  ’ ‘  i want to be known as someone who’s full of love and radiates light  ’ ‘  i’m in philosophy and were talking about how you can doubt everything’s existence except for your own consciousness and the guy that sits in front of me just turns around tears streaming down his face and goes “i am on so many drugs”  ’ ‘  how fucked up would it be if an astronaut was coming back to earth and everybody hid for a bit  ’ ‘  some kid just skateboarded down my street crying  ’ ‘  do you ever get in an “i don’t know” phase in your life. where you literally don’t have a solid answer to anything. you. just. don’t. know.  ’ ‘  which of the three pillars of modern music is your favourite, burnin’ up by the jonas brothers, beautiful soul by jesse mccartney or lucky by britney spears  ’ ‘  i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself  ’ ‘  there is no doubt in my mind i’m really that bitch  ’ ‘  after you hit 21, you start forgetting your age cause ain’t nothing else to look forward to, besides sweet death.  ’ ‘  why am i not currently in the italian countryside with a fruit plate wearing a light linen dress? unacceptable  ’ ‘  hands are weird because one of them can do absolutely everything without a problem and the other one can’t even hold a spoon  ’ ‘  remember to drink a fucking shit ton of water every miserable day of ur life  ’ ‘  is he………you know…….*makes football throwing motion*….straight?  ’ ‘  mATH, deATH -- wake up america  ’ ‘  does anyone else have a resting bitch face™, but kinda enjoys looking intimidating  ’ ‘  time flies when u take a 2hr depression nap in the middle of the day  ’ ‘  roses are red, i’m going to bed  ’ ‘  u know when ur hairs greasy and it makes u feel so so so bad about urself. and ur entire life. everything is awful bc my hair is greasy  ’ ‘  i’m just so glad the word “ugh” was invented  ’ ‘  just another day of loving with all my heart and believing in the universe  ’ ‘  you know when dogs sit outside with their face turned towards the sun and their eyes closed and they look so relaxed and when you pet them they’re warm? that’s how I want to feel always  ’ ‘  come into bed and listen to the rain with me  ’ ‘  people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel,   ’ ‘  can someone please be proud of me like fuck i’m trying  ’ ‘  concept: a really nice Italian restaurant but it’s spelled “spagooter” on the menu and the waiters won’t take your order unless you pronounce it like that  ’ ‘  just found out neanderthal passed on the dna for depression and now we know why they stayed in caves and painted horses all fuckin day   ’ ‘  i want kids but i’m scared they’ll blame me if they’re ugly  ’ ‘  does anyone have any tips for not thinking about it  ’ ‘  “what’s a queen without her king?” well, historically, better  ’ ‘  i want something that doesn’t taste like alcohol but has a lot of alcohol in it  ’ ‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep  ’ ‘  i’m alive out of spite  ’ ‘  not to vent but: fuck  ’ ‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot  ’ ‘  can’t wait to be balls deep in love  ’ ‘  why are there so many days?? i feel like we just had a whole day yesterday… they don’t stop  ’ ‘  i walked in on my 4 year old nephew sitting alone on his bed eating grapes in the dark and i didn’t even get a chance to say anything before he said “i don’t have answers”  ’ ‘  *adjusts my tinfoil hat* y’all are crazy  ’ ‘  do raccoons have people hands or do we have raccoon hands?  ’ ‘  mark your territory by crying on things  ’ ‘  any size titty is lit  ’ ‘  love lemon trees! i too am bitter but growing  ’ ‘  my only constant is the black hair tie around my wrist. no mans gonna be there for me like this hair tie has. no ones presence is gonna be as reassuring  ’ ‘  me???? tired???? sleepy??? yes constantly  ’ ‘  the box says “four servings” but my heart says one  ’ ‘  the lengths i would go to to both get attention and avoid it….astounding  ’ ‘  i hope everybody is doing their best even tho we’re all doomed  ’ ‘  young adult things: washing your colors with your whites because you don’t care you JUST don’t fucking care  ’ ‘  I just want to help out all the people with no money but i am people with no money  ’ ‘  bricks are just domesticated rocks  ’ ‘  being nice is so easy just do it  ’ ‘  lets start wearing cloaks and swords again. its time  ’ ‘  classes are like a high level dora the explorer episode. person up front asks a question, stares at you blankly for a few seconds, and then answers their own question.  ’ ‘  the average orgasm is 7 seconds. keeping a feral hog in your basement lasts for 5-16 years depending on your ability to care for it. the decision should be clear  ’ ‘  will i ever have my shit together  ’ ‘  i live in a time where a major selling point for food is that it uses “real” ingredients.  ’ ‘  “what the fuck” is an emotion now and its the only one i have  ’ ‘  it’s not a real party until you sneak away to the bathroom to question your existence as you stare at yourself in the mirror haha  ’ ‘  every hard day you make it through makes you one day closer to stranger things season 2  ’ ‘  assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student i.d. number  ’ ‘  i feel like each year has progressively gotten worse since the year of luigi ended  ’ ‘  um that’s u’re* not ur  ’ ‘  i wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. the heroes are always sprinting, always running. you ever seen darth vader run? hell no. and I ain’t about to either.  ’ ‘  i have nothing to say but will i shut up? No  ’ ‘  i cannot believe another week is like beginning we just finished one  ’

[surveysonfleek]

626.

do you ever wish you could just go to sleep & never wake up? no. i’m more satisfied with being able to sleep and not having an alarm to wake me up the next day.

do you want to have any children? if so, how many? i do eventually whenever i’m ready. maybe two depending on how pregnancy treats me.

how many piercings have you had in your life all together? six.

how many do you have now? four.

do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? no.

do you use hearts like this <3 a lot? i used to when i was younger. not anymore.

what were you doing at 12am? working.

do you like where you live? it’s okay. a bit far from places but i like the general area.

how’s your sister? she’s good. probably sleeping.

is anyone over protective of you? not really.

have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something? they punched the wall and broke their ego lmao.

what color is your toothbrush? white and orange.

is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around now? of course. hasn’t everyone had friends/family/partners that you drift apart with?

what do you do when you’re having a bad day? sleep it off. or do surveys.

where is your mother right now? sleeping in her room.

when was the last time you cried really hard? probably some time this year.

let’s test your memory, what were you doing at this exact moment a year ago? i actually have no idea.

do you smoke weed everyday? no.

if the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? autumn.

have you ever liked someone older than you? yes.

who was the last person to call you? my boyfriend.

are you multi-tasking right now? nope.

what is the most irritating thing? people.

are you a patient person? not really.

do you ever listen to country music? nope.

do you get mad when people smoke around you? no, only if they blow smoke directly in my face.

did you lie on any of these questions so far? nope.

do you remember who you liked in january? yes.

is life good or bad? mostly good, could be better though.

are you the oldest child? yes.

what was the last thing you said to someone? bye.

are you happy? yeah i guess.

ever been told someone loved you? yes.

who was your last missed call? my boyfriend.

do you like cold and rainy days, or warm and sunny? cold and rainy only if i’m staying home.

are you nervous about anything? i usually am but i’m okay right now.

are you happier now, or three months ago? same.

what’s your current mood? tired.

what color are your eyes? brown.

do you and your mother have a good relationship? yes.

do you know anyone with literally no common sense? yep lol.

have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing? yes.

honestly and don’t lie hows your heart these days? it’s okay. good and bad days.

do you miss anyone right now? yeah.

have you ever had a summer romance? yeah but it lasted more than a summer.

looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? nope.

do you remember who you had feelings for december 2009? yes haha.

is a best friend pissing you off right now? no.

what woke you up this morning? nothing. just felt like i had enough sleep.

do you have a brother? nope.

are you sad right now? no.

do you like winter time? yes, i love it.

are you going to get hurt by a guy anytime soon? i hope not.

was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? boy.

what are you listening to right now? nothing.

when was the last time you wanted to slap someone in their face? never.

are you scared of spiders? not super scared, just cautious. i’m scared of the huge ones though.

do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? not really.

do you have siblings over the age of 21? no.

honestly, who were the last six people you texted? omg i cannot be bothered to check rn.

has a boy ever stayed up with you all night? yes.

when’s the last time you cried yourself to sleep? i don’t think i’ve ever literally done that.

do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? not usually.

do you believe in divorce? yes.

do you think you’re old? yes.

are you a jealous person? not anymore.

where have you lived throughout your life? in sydney.

what’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? coming home from work.

has anyone said they love you in the last week? yes.

would you rather visit australia, germany, croatia or jamaica? croatia or jamaica, never been to either.

when was the last time you saw your dad? on the weekend.

if your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? it depends how often tbh.

have you ever camped out with a significant other? no.

what keeps you awake at night? idk. my body clock.

how many times have you stayed in a hotel? way too many times to count.

what does your third text message say? who is it from? idk.

plans for tomorrow? work.

honestly, what’s on your mind right now? nothing. friday i guess.

other than a person, what was the last thing you cuddled with? a pillow.

where was the last place you got completely wasted? i forgot.

do you need/want new clothes? yes. always.

what did you eat for lunch today? cake lol.

how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? i wouldn’t do it unless i’m meeting up with a friend after a couple of days.

what was the last thing you watched on tv? i forgot.

when is the last time you wore a dress? a couple days ago.

do you prefer hot, humid weather or bone-chilling cold weather? cold.

last person you yelled at? idk.

have you ever watched one tree hill? yes, i used to be obsessed with it.

who did you last have an alcoholic drink with? friends.

are you afraid of falling in love? no.

what color eyes does your cat have? no cat. what is the drinking age where you live? 18.

do you lead people on? no.

how do you feel about your hair right now? it’s bad but it’ll do. i’m too lazy to wash it.

do you ever actually make your bed? only when friends come over lol.

do you have a nickname? yes, a lot.

have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? no.

who did you last say i love you to? my boyfriend.

when is your birthday? 5th dec.

is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now? no.

do i ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? yes.

when did you last hold hands with someone? yesterday.

can you touch your nose with your tongue? no.

stalked someone on a social network? haha duh.

are you afraid of the dark? only if i’m somewhere i’m not familiar with.

have you ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no.

have you ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? no.

whats currently bothering you right now? work.

what are you currently hearing? nothing.

are you currently frustrated with a boy/girl? no.

who was the last person you got in an argument with? my boyfriend.

who is your number one on facebook? idk?

have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move? yes.

have you ever driven without a license? unintentionally.

are you wearing shorts? nope.

do you straighten your hair often? weekly, sometimes not at all.

have you ever been to jail? nope.

how many people of the opposite sex have made you cry? maybe three.

last non-alcoholic beverage consumed? water.

when was the last time you were annoyed? idk not long ago.

how many windows are open on your computer? three.

is there someone you don’t ever want to lose in your life? yes.

where did you get the shirt you are wearing? my mum got it for me from overseas.

have you ever had a surprise birthday party? no.

how did you get your last bruise? i don’t remember the last time i got one.

who is in your house right now? my, my sis and mum.

when is the last time you ate pizza? three days ago.

what is the last movie you saw in a theater? fantastic beasts. officially a year ago lol.

do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to? yes.

do you sleep on your stomach? yes.

are you wearing a sports shirt? no.

are you happy with what you currently have in life? mostly yeah.

what happened at 10:00 am? hmmm idk.

do you drink coffee? not usually.

if you were given the chance to go to paris, would you go? yes.

would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000? i’d consider it.

do you know anyone who has been arrested? no.

what are you excited for? christmas.

are you more feminine or masculine? fem. are you tall or short? more on the shorter side. have you ever gotten your nails professionally painted? yes. what gender do you prefer? male.

could you forgive a cheater? idk. is lying about something serious as bad as cheating? they’re pretty damn equal.

[crashing-into-the-sun]

run away (but not from me)

simon and baz are on the track team together. tw: homophobia, homophobic slurs, cursing.

Simon couldn’t deny it. No matter how much he loved feeling the oxygen rush in and out of his lungs, the wind whip against his face, the tight pull of his hair strung back with a rubber band, the burning in his calves, there was one thing he loved the most about running track, and that was winning. The moment when he passed someone a few paces in front of him just before he crossed the finish line, his thresh hold of glory, was the most exhilarating experience he’d found so far in his seventeen year life. Sweat dripped down his forehead and pooled above his brow bone as he bore down into the final sprint, eyes locked on the blue-jerseyed runner in front of him. The only person between him and first place. The only person between him and his next blue ribbon.

He forgot he was running when this happened, forgot he was breathing, forgot he was moving or hurting or even alive. It was just him and Blue Jersey, fighting for the title. It was no longer about a place in the next run, because the top ten got to advance. It was a primal need somewhere deep in Simon’s head, and he needed victory more than he needed the air he was sucking in deeper and deeper with every second.

Simon was gaining on him with every second until they were running steady with each other, shoulder to shoulder. For a second, there was an air of cameraderie, a shared moment of brotherhood. The briefest acknowledgement that they both deserved this. But then Simon took off even faster than before, because no matter who deserved first, only one person could have it, and it was going to be him.

He collapsed onto the ground seconds after his feet flew over the finish line, clutching his stomach as he hurled up his lunch into the bushes. The vaguest remnants of a grilled cheese sandwich and a red Powerade splattered onto the ground, and Simon heard Blue Jersey rush past him and collapse similarly, coughing like a smoker. Two more people passed, and Simon didn’t move, hands still pressed against his stomach in pain. Then he felt long, bony fingers massaging his shoulders, and he knew Baz had crossed the finish line.

“I’m going to regionals, Simon! We’re going together!” Baz celebrated behind him, panting, and Simon managed a weak nod. “Fifth place, can you believe it?”

“You did great, Baz,” Simon breathed, forcing himself up from the ground and wiping his mouth on the shoulder of his t-shirt. “Coach is gonna be thrilled. You must’ve beat your best time.”

“I’m sure I did,” Baz agreed, taking a few steps forward and plunging his arm deep into the water cooler. “Want one?”

Simon nodded. Baz handed him a water, ice cold and dripping, and Simon uncapped it and poured half of it on the top of his head, letting it run in rivulets down the back of his neck and his face. Then he drained the bottle and crumpled it up, tossing it back into the cooler.

“Better?” Baz asked, sipping his water. His breath was mostly back by now, but Simon was still heaving.

“Yeah, much. Let’s go find a spot to watch the girls’ race.”

-

When Simon entered the bus for the ride back to school, he was met with cheers. The bus was already mostly full, and Baz waved from the back. “Our champ!” Simon heard as he passed by seats, meandering toward Baz. “First place winner, once again!”

The entire vehicle stank like teenage boys and BO, but it was a party. They made toasts with their water bottles, crankled up the music so loud on Dev’s Bluetooth speaker that it blew out and broke, and generally gave the bus driver a run for his money. Who could blame them? They hadn’t taken more than one person to regionals in years, hadn’t had a runner like Simon on the team in far longer than that.

It was dark when they pulled into the parking lot, teeming with the cars of parents here to pick up their kids. Coach Davy stood up at the front of the bus and quieted them all by raising his hands. “Listen guys,” he began. “I’d just like to say how proud I am of all of you, even the ones who didn’t make it into the top ten. We’ve had a fantastic year and I’m looking forward to taking four runners this year. But our work isn’t over yet. Remember, the practice schedule for the next two weeks is rigorous and not flexible. Especially for the regionals runners, you must show up to every practice unless you’ve got a doctors note. That’s all! Have a good night.” He sat down, making way for the flood of teens to exit the bus.

Simon and Baz lagged back and pretended to collect their things while the others filed off. “You coming home with us tonight?” Simon asked Baz.

“I was planning on it, yeah.” Baz slung his bag over his shoulderand stood up, taking his place at the end of the line.

“My room’s a mess,” Simon warned. He stood behind Baz and wrapped his hands around Baz’s backpack straps, tugging. Baz snickered.

“You’re a mess, Snow,” he replied. Baz reached behind his back and found Simon’s hand fleetingly. He gave it a gentle squeeze before retracting and shoving his hands back into his sweatshirt pockets. The line began to move.

-

In the passenger seat of his dad’s beat up Sedan, Simon listened for the millionth time to the Humility Speech. “Yes, you’re good, but that doesn’t mean you’re invincible, you hear me? You hear me?” Baz stifled a laugh in the back as Davy’s voice grew more and more urgent. “Simon Oliver, are you listening to me? You are not the king of the track. One of these days you’re gonna lose if you don’t take this shit seriously. You missed three days of practice this month. That’s unacceptable. You’re not a god, Simon. Do you understand? You don’t get a full ride for a second place title.”

This was a routine for Simon- run, win, take Baz home, get the Humility Speech, force feed himself pasta (for the carbs), early morning practice with Baz, rinse, repeat. That was what Davy thought at least.

Here’s how the routine really went- run, win, take Baz home, laugh his way through the Humility Speech, feed Baz half his pasta, make out sessions until it got light out, cuddling until five in the morning, pretending to go for an early morning run and really taking Baz out for early breakfast at the diner, where all the waitresses knew their names and orders. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat.

Davy finished talking a minute before their driveway appeared, and Simon felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He checked it, amused that it was Baz’s name on the screen. He’s finally done, eh?

For now.

As if you’d forgotten since your last race

Lmao, Simon typed back. Can’t wait til he goes to bed ;)

And why would that be?

Because I want to celebrate ;)

Quit it with the wink faces, Si. I feel like I’m talking to a preteen who just copped his first feel. Lol.

Simon chuckled, then tucked the phone back into his pants pocket as they pulled up the drive. Gravel crunched underneath the car tires, and it scratched to a stop at the top. Simon’s house sat on a hill. It was dark brown, with warm yellow light coming from the living room windows and illuminating the well-manicured lawn. It wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t small. A good size for a single father and his son. In the front there was a small, sickly looking crabapple tree that Davy had been trying to tear up for years. Simon would never let him.

They carted their bags up the porch stairs. The inside of the house smelled like pulled pork, and Simon realized how hungry he was. He’d forgotten that Davy had prepared something in the crock pot. The smell made his stomach growl. “Let’s put our bags up in my room and eat, shall we?” Simon asked Baz.

“Sounds like a plan.”

The stairs were shiny hardwood, and the upstairs floor was small, with only a bathroom and Simon’s room. The door was already ajar, and sure enough, the room looked as if it hadn’t been cleaned in several months. “Simon,” Baz chastised. “I just helped you tidy this place up last time I was over.”

“You know how I get, Basil,” Simon protested, throwing his bag onto his full sized mattress and rumpling up the blankets. He tossed his sweaty sneakers into a corner and grabbed a shirt off the floor to change into.

“Glasses?” Baz asked, plucking them from the hazardous mess of Simon’s vanity and shutting the door with his foot.

“Sure,” Simon said, slipping his jersey over his head. He let it fall to the floor, like everything else already was, then stepped toward Baz to retrieve the glasses.

“Allow me,” Baz smirked, slipping the glasses onto Simon’s face and settling them onto his nose. He leaned his head down and pressed his forehead against Simon’s, closing his eyes. Simon’s hands wound around Baz’s trim waist and danced their way up the hem of his shirt, fingers pressing against the knobbly joints of Baz’s spine, and their lips met, soft as spring rain.

The kiss was gentle, and they enjoyed it for itself, as it wasn’t going to lead to anything else at the moment. Baz tasted like peppermint gum and he smelled like cedar and bergamot, his signature cologne. Simon ran his tongue quickly over Baz’s bottom lip, then pulled away, grinning like a fool.

“We should get downstairs,” he whispered, but then one of Baz’s hands was cold and sure against Simon’s chest, tracing down to his stomach, and the other was knotted in his golden hair, and his brain took a flying leap out the window.

“Few more seconds,” Baz mumbled, pressing a lazy kiss to the space behind Simon’s ear. “Few more minutes.” Their chests pressed together and they kissed again, longer, with a strained kind of urgency that knew it couldn’t last long.

“I love you,” Simon said to Baz, tugging at a loose tendril of hair that had fallen around his dark, angular face. He kissed Baz’s cheek, then his nose, then his lips again, and Baz leaned, mindless, into Simon’s touch.

“Simon,” Davy called out, flinging open the door. “You forgot your-”

The gym bag Davy held fell to the floor. Baz immediately disentangled from Simon’s arms and flung himself back onto the bed, but it was too late. The door slammed shut, and all Simon could do was cry.

-

Hitchhiking was never a smart idea, even as a 6’ 1" eighteen year old man, but Baz needed a ride home, which Davy had not-so-gracefully declined to give him. His fahter was away on business and Daphne was visiting her sister, so here he found himself, late at night, wandering down the road with his thumb up. Cars passed him, but none stopped. And then it began to drizzle.

-

Davy had nothing to say, Simon surmised. That was the way it seemed, because they hadn’t spoken in days. He’d missed practice to stay after and do schoolwork just to avoid his father twice already, and he had no intentions of going today.

“You can’t let him push you away from what you love,” Baz told Simon at lunch, hooking his ankle around Simon’s under the table. “Running is what you were made for.”

“I can’t be around him. He’s got this dead look in his eyes Baz, you don’t understand. He hasn’t said a word to me. I’m nothing. I could win the national title for Christs’ sake, he wouldn’t give a shit.” He pushed the spaghetti on his tray around with his plastic fork. For the first time he could remember, Simon had no appetite.

“Look, Si, your dad is being a huge dick, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop living. Running is what you love best. Everyone knows that. Please go to practice. For me?”

“I can’t, Baz. I can’t face him.” The bell rang, and Simon got up from the table without meeting Baz’s gaze. “I hope you can understand.” He dumped his tray and went to class. Baz watched him go.

-

The crowd at regionals was wild for a track meet. Simon hadn’t practiced in two weeks, had barely spoken to Baz. He seemed to be a husk, going through the motions. They’d just sit there in silence when they were alone, Simon crying, Baz holding on as tight as he could to Simon’s hand, for fear he might lose him if he let go. But today was the big day, and Simon couldn’t miss it. This was his moment. Baz was determined to get him there.

He skipped out on the team bus ride, instead electing to drive his own car over to Simon’s after he knew the rest of the team had left and taken Coach Davy with them. When Baz honked the horn, Simon emerged, bleary-eyed and in pajamas, on the porch. Baz beeped again, to the tune of Jingle Bells, and Simon smiled. “Get in, babe. You’ve got a race to win.”

-

Simon denied that he wanted to race, but Baz knew he wouldn’t have gotten in the car if he didn’t secretly need it. When they arrived to the packed venue, he was practically shaking with anticipation. Simon shrugged out of his dirty sweatshirt and slipped on his jersey, tied his hair back. Baz recognized the determined gleam in his eye. “You ready to get out there and show them how it’s done?” Baz asked.

“I’m not wearing uniform shorts,” Simon protested. “And I haven’t run in weeks.”

“Who gives a shit?” Baz countered. And honestly? Didn’t that just sum up everything. Simon kissed Baz, slow and deep, then exited the car.

“Let’s fuck shit up.”

“Let’s.”

-

“Fag.” Simon heard it first from behind him, just a whisper. He whipped his head around, but it was impossible to tell who had said it. He and Baz had walked to their spots holding hands.

“Who gives a shit,” Simon muttered to himself, a personal mantra. “Who gives a shit, who gives a shit.”

“Faggot. Fucking queer.”

“Fairy.”

“Pussy.”

“Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who the fuck cares?” Simon was yelling now, glaring all around him.

“Faggo-”

It was Blue Jersey. The insults were emanating from him, and he grinned, until Simon caught him in the act.

“Think you can throw me off my game? Well you know what, asshole?” Simon hissed menacingly, face flushed. He got up close to the kid’s face, almost nose to nose, and stared him down. “This faggot’s gonna win the regionals first place title. And you’re gonna fucking watch.”

Blue Jersey gulped.

-

The gunshot seemed louder than ever, but Simon didn’t hesitate a second as the sound reverberated in his ears. His feet pounded against the grass. He had more energy than he’d ever had at the beginning of a race. His anger fueled him as he thundered through the crowd of boys, clearing a path straight for the front. He flipped off Blue Jersey on the way, smiling, sickly sweet, as he took his rightful place at the head of the pack. He didn’t slow down one step.

-

This time, there was no competition.

Simon lead the runners with a wide berth. His legs went miles in a single stride, his lungs were open gulleys swallowing air by the ton. He was a god, and holy fucking shit, it felt good to be unbreakable.

“I’m made of fucking diamonds, you can’t touch me,” he panted as the finish line came into view. “I am fucking invinceable. Who gives a shit?” He was practically screaming now, every muscle in his body on fire, every inch of him drenched in sweat but it wasn’t sweat, it was liquid fucking gold and he was crossing, he was first, he was the winner, he was raising his arms for the crowd and they screamed his name, he was laughing, he was smiling, he was descended from Mount fucking Olympus and Baz was a king and when Baz came in second, they kissed in front of everyone. And maybe there was a collective gasp, and maybe Davy held his head in his hands, and maybe Blue Jersey cried when he got home. But you know what? Who gives a shit.

[cherri-ice]

All the numbers

fuck you 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

uH MY CLOSE FRIEND LMAO? 2. Are you outgoing or shy?

lowkey both?? im more shy but if i know the person im incredibly outgoing 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

MY LOWKEY GF4. Are you easy to get along with?

oft no 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

YEP6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

ppl who are kind !! also ppl who could either break me or love me 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

,, hopefully8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

,,, can i say keaton henson bc his music makes me sob9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no but depending w who lmao :””^10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

mm i think my friend from school abt shitty people ngl 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

”do you think it’d be a good idea for me to run and get tea right now”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

ok jeez

1. cherry bomb - the runaways (wow, original)

2. all of sevdalizas songs ever

3. blood // water - grandson

4. charger - gorillaz

5. pools - glass animals

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YESYEYSYESYEYSYES. fuck yes.14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

mhm!!15. What good thing happened this summer?

err i mean, if u count summer as past summer then convincing my dang dad that i dont wanna stay at my shitty school lmao?? 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

depends on what kind of kiss !! but ye!!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

pfft, absolutely 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

,,, i dont think so tbh19. Do you like bubble baths?

HELL YE I DO20. Do you like your neighbors?

ngl i dont rly talk to them but they seem Nice21. What are your bad habits?

if i dont know someone all too well i tend to joke around w them?? idk its weird but i kinda get annoyed easy as well,, altho another bad habit is my flaky ass backing out of events sometimes22. Where would you like to travel?

i’d love to ,,, travel to scotland or france23. Do you have trust issues?

oh boy i do24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

going the hell to sleep again and wrapping myself up25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

every part w scars lmao26. What do you do when you wake up?

take my dang meds27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

,, idk?? i like my skin tbh but it could clear tf up28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope :””^ 30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes!!31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

ye lmao32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

,,, IM 16 LETS NOT GO HERE33. Spell your name with your chin.

aki34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i work out but i dont play sport lmao35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without tv, music is my lifeblood36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

almost always37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i try to joke abt smth usually38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone who cares for me smh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

T2, I LOVE TEA,,, 40. What do you want to do after high school?

university or nap 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

yes!! unless they’re super shitty42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i’m nervous, anxious or overthinking43. Do you smile at strangers?

i try to ??44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

oo fuck outer space ty45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

,, honestly talking to lovely ppl46. What are you paranoid about?

people abandoning me or being completely alone and shut in and just,, closed away from the world47. Have you ever been high?

tba48. Have you ever been drunk?

not rly lmao i have a high tolerance 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

,, UM,,, lowkey yes50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

olive51. Ever wished you were someone else?

before, yes. now? nah, i’m pretty good 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

highkey wish i was less anxious 24/7

53. Favourite makeup brand?

NARS. nars. or kat von d altho i hate what she stands for

54. Favourite store?

T255. Favourite blog?

,, idk? 56. Favourite colour?

blue / green!!57. Favourite food? 

creme brulee58. Last thing you ate?

a rly good double cheese burger59. First thing you ate this morning?

croissant60. Ever won a competition? For what?

knowledge of novels for school!! or art wise, i’ve won a few comps inside our school61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope62. Been arrested? For what?

nada63. Ever been in love? 

smh i fall in love,, way to easily64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

,, jeez i hate the person who it was with, but it was underneath the harbour bridge after chocolate strawberries and a picnic,, she asked if she could kiss me and i said yes65. Are you hungry right now?

jfc not rly im super content tbh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

no @official-akko is a binch (im kidding i love u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

fb68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?

nope but i was watching law and order svu 70. Names of your bestfriends? 

beauty, my cat71. Craving something? What?

cuddling someone and gently lying my head on their chest 72. What colour are your towels?

white!!72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3 binch73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yes!!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

on my bed is 2, but i think at least 5+ around 75. Favourite animal?

i love,, cats,,,, so fucking much 76. What colour is your underwear?

wouldn’t u like to know77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

mm cookies and cream?79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

dark bluuee80. What colour pants?

grey81. Favourite tv show?

right now its between brooklyn 99 and stranger things82. Favourite movie?

i will never stop loving mulan or the princess diaries 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls i guess 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

,, janis ian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

uh the turtle smh87. First person you talked to today?

ash!! 88. Last person you talked to today?

rn, its niko89. Name a person you hate?

me90. Name a person you love?

ash91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

GOD this one asshole from school i will actually brawl92. In a fight with someone?

not rly?? idk93. How many sweatpants do you have?

at least 494. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

5!!95. Last movie you watched?

legally blonde pfft96. Favourite actress?

i lowkey love madelaine petsch97. Favourite actor?

shrugs loudly98. Do you tan a lot?

no im pale af99. Have any pets?

a cat!!100. How are you feeling?

tired, coffee makes me tired101. Do you type fast?

yep!! i can touch-type too so i dont even have to look most of the time as well lmao102. Do you regret anything from your past?

waayyy too fuckin much regret over what ive done to myself 103. Can you spell well?

ye!!104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

,, my grandma :105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

nope lmao106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

,, i think i have,,, 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes!! i go horseriding at least four times during the year108. What should you be doing?

sleeping probably109. Is something irritating you right now?

i have a fuckin itch on my leG110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yep,, oh boy 111. Do you have trust issues?

i already answered this lmao112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

,, my sister because i wanted her to comfort m e shes v sweet113. What was your childhood nickname?

”leash”114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes!!115. Do you play the Wii?

sometimes116. Are you listening to music right now?

i am, its glass animals :””^117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes!!118. Do you like Chinese food?

eh, iffy but i dont mind it!119. Favourite book?

THE NAME OF THE WIND BY PATRICK ROTHFUSS120. Are you afraid of the dark?

only a lil121. Are you mean?

,, i think i am sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?

never ever ever ever is it okay.123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

yes! if not i fuckin clean em wth124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not rly? i think love is something you have to grow and share together, kind of like a garden plant? works gotta go into it for it to blossom 125. Do you believe in true love?

i believe in it!126. Are you currently bored?

,, yea lmao127. What makes you happy?

memes, reading and tea ngl128. Would you change your name?

birthname? ye, probably lmao129. What your zodiac sign?

cancer! im an emotional fucking crab130. Do you like subway?

ye!131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

remind them im a lesbian132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

binnch this is a past question133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”Our skinIn time would tellCan I hold on to our genesIn my lifeI could not failWhen I run out will you leave?”

134. Can you count to one million?

i can but i’d loose track i have attention issues pfft135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

”i was late because my cat threw up one on of my school uniforms and i had to change”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed, idk who can trust anyone that much to keep them open137. How tall are you?

5′7!138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have wavy hair if this is asking m e139. Brunette or Blonde?

blonde140. Summer or Winter?

winter141. Night or Day?

night142. Favourite month?

july bc its cold and my birth month143. Are you a vegetarian?

nooppe144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk chocolate!145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

meh, highs and lows 147. Mars or Snickers?

mars148. What’s your favourite quote?

either:a. “And what we learn about ourselves in those moments, where the trigger has been squeezed, is this: the past is not dead. There are things that wait for us, patiently, in the dark corridors of our lives. We think we have moved on, put them out of mind, left them to desiccate and shrivel and blow away; but we are wrong. They have been waiting there in the darkness, working out, practicing their most vicious blows, their sharp hard thoughtless punches into the gut, killing time until we came back that way.” from Trigger Warning (Short fictions and disturbances), neil gaiman

or

b. “Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.” - The name of the wind, patrick rothfuss

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes!! i believe that ghosts exist lmao, or at least guiding spirits 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“… but he left his doubts unspoken. Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” - Game of thrones lmao

[cosaimai]

Actually, 1-170, game 😝

why do you subject me to this torture lmao 

but imma do it regardless (leaving out all the ones i’ve already answered ofc)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

Goth of course

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

hmm i didnt play many video games when i was super young so prob bioshock infinite

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

my best friend (@lauren-pc), my fictional crushes… (lets not judge me alright, i dont have a life), does the ocean count?

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

melancholic 

9: Are you ticklish?

yes

10: Are you allergic to anything?

lavender

11: What’s your sexuality?

asexual (homoromantic)

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

tea

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

hmm prob dog bc even tho cats are adorable their fur tends to bother me since it sheds a lot more easily (which is why i love hairless cats)

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

I havent checked in a while since I don’t own a scale, but I think around 91-95lbs

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

yes

21: Are you religious?

nope lol

22: Pet peeves?

smacking, chewing w your mouth open, not using a coaster

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal !!

24: Favorite constellation?

hmmm prob Ursa Major

25: Favorite star?

Deneb or maybe Beta Draconis

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

I am scared of all dolls, so, no

27: Any phobias or fears?

spiders & most bugs, also more specifically, dying in a sinking car

28: Do you think global warming is real?

ye

31: Do you get scared easily?

nope

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

six i think

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

11/10 :)

34: What is a color that calms you?

ocean blue ♥

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

in Washington state, preferably close to the coast

36: Where were you born?

texas

38: Introvert or extrovert?

extreme introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

ehh, they’re interesting and i do think you can apply them to people, so maybe ig

40: Hugs or kisses?

ughh i guess hugs

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

my best friend

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

again, my best friend

43: Any piercings you want?

spider bites (which i’m getting soon !!), daith, conch, maybe an industrial, maybe a nostril piercing 

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

if you can’t tell, yes lol

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?

I don’t, the closest I’ve come is vaping bc my friend’s step brother & his friend wanted me to try his vape

48: A sound you really love?

heavy rain/thunderstorms

49: Can you do a backflip?

um lmao no

50: Can you do the splits?

I think I still have my right splits, not my left or middle tho

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

i guess I’d have to say Jake Gyllenhaal tho

53: How are you feeling right now?

i am tired

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

probably red or black, idk

55: When did you feel happiest?

probably last year, almost anytime during history class

56: Something that calms you down?

ASMR videos

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

none that are prof-dxed

58: What does your URL mean?

 oh i’ve told this tale many times on this blog, but to tell it once again: I used to go by the name Mai, and I used to be obsessed with space so cosmic+mai=mai and for some reason i made it cosaimai so basically cosmic mai mai

59: What three words describe you the most?

quiet, jaded, eccentric 

60: Do you believe in evolution?

yeah, i guess so

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

if the content is really my thing or the person running it is transphobic/homophobic/etc. 

64: Favorite animal(s):

BATS ♥♥♥

66: Favorite emoticon:

c:

67: Favorite meme:

i can’t choose just one, i mean, pretty much any meme @lauren-pc sends me is pretty high quality

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

INTP

69: What is your star sign?

Aries

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

I have two dogs and no

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

uhhh probably my new killstar bittersweet babydoll dress

72: Post a selfie or two?

i posted two yesterday sooooo….

73: Do you have platform shoes?

i do !!

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

i can cross both my eyes, as well as cross just one at a time

75: Can you do a front flip?

nope, i wish

76: Do you like birds?

ehh, they’re alright 

77: Do you like to swim?

not really

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

i do not like either, but i guess swimming

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

Donald Trump

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

Can I say Starfleet?? bc i’m gonna say Starfleet

81: Piercings you have?

none :’(

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

sleeping

83: Favorite person to talk to:

@lauren-pc

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

that it was extremely boring, and here i am almost 5 years later

85: How many followers do you have?

364

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

hell no

87: Do your socks always match?

yes, i actually specifically wear all black socks for this reason

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

ye

89: What are your birthstones?

diamond is the only one i know

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

a bat :)

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

hmmm…. this is difficult but probably like Cranesbill Geranium or smth

92: A store you hate?

Ross

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

none, coffee makes me sick :/

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

read minds

95: Do you like to wear camo?

no

96: Winter or summer?

winter i guess

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

I have no clue, but probably less than 30 secs

98: Least favorite person?

well out of the people i know personally, probably my friends boyfriend

99: Someone you look up to:

oh gosh, i have no clue

100: A store you love?

if online stores count, definitely Killstar

101: Favorite type of shoes

tbh flipflops bc I’m lazy

102: Where do you live?

Texas

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

no, i wish i had the will to be a vegetarian 

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

aura quartz 

105: Do you drink milk?

Yes, milk is great tho my mild lactose intolerance disagrees with this fact

106: Do you like bugs?

no

107: Do you like spiders?

especially no

108: Something you get paranoid about?

usually bugs crawling on me while i sleep, or someone breaking into my house while i sleep

109: Can you draw:

i can, debatable whether it’s good or not tho

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

no one tends to ask me very nosy questions

111: A question you hate being asked?

i’m open to pretty much any questions, but i guess i hate boring ones, none in specific come to mind

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

I might have been, I didn’t know whether it was a spider bite for sure or not

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

yes

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

cloudy

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

no one actually, I’m in a very touch averse mood

116: Favorite cloud type:

cirroctratus 

117: What color do you wish the sky was?

dusty pink or a darker shade of blue

118: Do you have freckles?

nah

119: Favorite thing about a person:

i don’t quite get what exactly this is asking but i guess appearance-wise, hands

120: Fruits or vegetables?

fruits

121: Something you want to do right now:

go to a lake or beach

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

not really, unless you count aliens 

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

all the drama

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

it’s easy to find content i enjoy

128: What do you think about the least?

i guess politics ?? i have no clue

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

“NOW AS DEAD OUTSIDE AS SHE WAS INSIDE”

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

No one comes to mind, except perhaps Donald Trump

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

my weirdness, it’s interesting but usually deters people

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

no, i hate my teeth

133: Computer or TV?

TV I suppose

134: Do you like roller coasters?

nope

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

not usually

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

attached

137: Do you believe in karma?

no 

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

4/10

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Ry, Cosai-chan, Cosai, Mai, Rave (idk how many of those count but there ya go)

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

no

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

nope

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

uhhh…. i’ve been called a bad influence so i guess i am

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

receiving 

144: What makes you angry

people who don’t listen/don’t think i know what i’m talking about

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

just english, though i could probably manage a conversation with my poor knowledge of french

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

girls & nb people

147: Are you androgynous?

i wish

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

eyes 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

resilience 

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

The 80s for sure

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

kinda

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

no

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

sometimes

156: What embarrasses you?

almost everything i do when I’m around people bc for some reason i can’t help but think i mess up everything i do

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

being around people

159: How many people are you following?

709

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

11, 604 on this one; 288 on my gore blog; 848 on my bpd blog

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

29; 1; 0

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

7, 244

163: Last time you cried and why:

i don’t remember

164: Do you have long or short hair?

it’s kinda in between, i guess you could say long

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

a few inches above my waist

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

i dislike it because it’s boring and kinda pointless for the most part, but to each their own

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

occasionally 

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

not really

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

nope

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yes

[malter-gervers-blog]

rem & pearl jam !

R.E.M.: What was your biggest heartbreak? Do you like the feeling of leaving for new places, or do you get homesick fast? Are you an optimist or a pessimist, or other? Do you like jazz or classical music? Have you ever been nightswimming?

Pearl Jam: What charity do you donate to (or would like to donate to) most? Do you think art should be a mode of autobiography? What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever survived? Were/are you good at school? Where’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to roadtrip?

Warning: this thread is looong and has a lot of personal shit in it so if you aren’t interested in my rambles, vents, and personal details, avoid this. Some of the answers are kind of a little release for the shit pent up inside, so yeah. This is probably the most personal I’m ever going to get like ever so sorry. Its more for my sanity lmao

What was your biggest heartbreak?

(this one gets like really personal lmao sorry)

Hmm I’m really ugly and awkward, andboys avoid me like a plague. So basically, my romantic life is as dry as theMojave Wasteland.

That’s fine I guess, I don’t think Ihave the capacity to commit to an actual, intimate relationship anymore.Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever believe the thought of someone wanting topursue a relationship like that with me without some ulterior motive. Even thethought of something mildly intimate like cuddling makes me want to vomit. Idon’t get nauseous any other time.

I guess my first relationship comesinto play here. He didn’t break my heart by breaking up with me, it was just anextremely toxic and dysfunctional relationship. We were both freshmen when wemet. I was essentially manipulated into entering the relationship because hetold everyone we were dating, and I didn’t have the confidence to stand up formyself. He essentially broke every single boundary I had, and I just acceptedit with a smile on my face because “that’s what good girlfriends do”. There wasa lot of manipulation and non-consensual shit that happened. When we broke up, Istill hadn’t accepted my feelings, and fought to keep him in my life as a “bestfriend”.

Ittook me an entire year after we broke up to finally overcome my feelings ofdenial, and come to terms with my actual feelings towards the entirerelationship. I was an idiot and reentered the relationship last summer becauseI was tired of being isolated. My mental state was the worst it had ever been,and he definitely took advantage of it. Let’s just say that every single one ofmy “first times” were taken from me via manipulation. I finally broke up withhim and told him everything, but I couldn’t cut him off. We are still closefriends, but it all haunts me. I’m still in the acceptance stage, slowly movinginto the aftershock stage. Repression is my best friend.

I answered an ask about having regrets.This one kept me up at night the most.

Do you like the feeling of leaving for new places, or do you gethomesick fast?

I love the feeling of leaving for newplaces! I think I’ve only gotten homesick like once, and it was earlier thisyear. My family went to Pennsylvania to visit some family, but when we arrived,there was no one my age for me to talk to. So essentially, for three days, Isat by myself while my sister and parents all had a blast. I found myselfcraving for home, not that it would’ve been any better. I guess the older Iget, the more I appreciate at least some sense of familiarity.

Are you an optimist or a pessimist, or other?

I am a mess. I like to think I’m anoptimist in regard to other people, but a pessimist in regard to myself.

Do you like jazz or classical music?

I like both! However, I haven’tlistened to either in a while… so there isn’t really any point in pickingbetween the two. I like them, but I don’t particularly care much about eitherof them to pick a favorite.

Have you ever been nightswimming?

I have indeed! One of my clearestchildhood memories is swimming at night in a pool at my parents’ old hotel. Mydad had pool lights and those floating, colorful fountains, so going underwaterfelt surreal. I went night-swimming for like 3 seconds at the beach once too,but I could only handle the cold water for literally one second before gettingout. I want to go again soon, but the only way I can go is by finding a 24-hourfacility with a pool (not in my area), breaking-and-entering, or swimming in alake…

What charity do you donate to (or would like to donate to) most?

I just recently got a job (and money tospend), so I haven’t really done any research on reputable charities. I’d liketo donate to lgbtq+ charities, and charities that support victims of sexualabuse and domestic violence, regardless of gender. Some other charities I wouldlike to donate to are those that support radio stations that don’t subject meto Taylor Swift.

Do you think art should be a mode of autobiography?

Brace yourself cause this is gonna beconfusing as shit lmao

This one is an interesting question becauseI think it should be based on a combination the artist’s wishes and their art.Sometimes the things portrayed by an artist in their work may not be the mostaccurate representation of their personal views or statement they want to make.For example, Joji (guy behind FilthyFrank) talks about how he is different fromhis internet persona, and he wishes to be separated from his art (which issatirical comedy). We all interpret art differently, and the original purposebehind the artist’s work may be lost completely; so the art itself may end uprepresenting something contradictory to the artist’s original intentions. Someartists are alright with that, while others prefer to publicly state theirintentions behind their works to preserve the original meaning. So essentially,if an artist feels as though their art can be viewed in an autobiographicalsense, then so be it; but if an artist wishes to be separated from their art,then so be it.

Wow, I hope that kind of made sense!

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever survived?

(this one also contains alotta personal shit lmao sory)

The past three years of my life. Junioryear, I came face-to-face with everything I had repressed since freshman year.Two of my “best friends” also stopped talking to me around this time, and I beganto lose all of my friends. Senior year was even worse because I lost everysingle one of my friends. I went to senior prom by myself (dateless andgroupless) and I spent the night of graduation alone in my living room, whileeveryone else (including my “best friend”) was out at parties or celebrating. Thatsummer, I was mentally destroyed from being isolated, and in a last attempt tonot lose my last friend, I agreed to dating him again… I wish there was a wordthat describes a situation in which you weren’t held down and raped, but youalso never gave your consent. I finally got my shit together and broke up withhim. I told him everything, and we are still close friends because I just can’tbring myself to cut him off. I don’t know. I don’t care.

I still exist in a constant state ofdissociation and my self-image n confidence n shit is rly bad. Anytime I evenconsider the idea of developing another platonic or romantic relationship, Ifeel physically ill and essentially start having a panic attack. The word “bestfriend” is essentially a fucking royal title for me. Once again, repression ismy best friend.

But I’m getting better, I’ve finallygrown more self-sufficient. I’m not afraid of being alone anymore, and I’munafraid to be loud and bitchy and temperamental when its needed. I have a handfulof friendly acquaintances, and I think a few of them may even qualify asfriends. I’ve even admitted to liking someone I work with. This is the firsttime I’ve ever shared this with anyone, let alone the fucking tumblr void.

Were/are you good at school?

I was an alright student in highschool. I graduated like 27th in my class with a 3.79 GPA, so nottoo shabby. I like to think I’m a great college student though. I’m quite proudof my 4.0 GPA.

Where’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to roadtrip?

Hmm I don’t have any specific locationin mind! Anywhere except here would be fine. My ideal road trip would probablybe going to like Vegas or some shit, and stopping at every place I findinteresting along the way.

Thanks for the ask, and sorry it took so long for me to reply!