#timing of these feels weird??? but it's normal so idk. anyway. feeling violent.

[yangjeongin]

HYUNJIN | 241208 • S-CLASS @ DOMINATE OSAKA

[yanderes-galore]

Axel My bloody valentine (Original) Romantic hcs :3

Idk why my drafts originally said Prompts for this... I got confused, Ig. Anyways, here's Axel. A bit out of season but... who cares, right? I did the Black Christmas one out of season too.

Yandere! Axel Palmer Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Murder, Blood, Graphic descriptions, Possessive behavior, Violence, Death, Stalking, Removal of human hearts, Forced relationship.

Axel is unhinged, yet it's also similar to a Scream situation based on what I've seen.

Axel is shown to be able to hide his unhinged behavior and act "normal".

There's some times he's violent however... like with T.J and Sarah.

Then of course there's the whole reveal of Axel being the murderer near the end of the film.

Due to watching his father be killed by Harry Warden, he soon deems himself the miner's successor.

It's in that moment at the end of the movie that we see him so unhinged.

Keeping this in mind, I can see Axel fooling his obsession easily as he picks people off.

Considering this is technically a "Valentine's Day" film and the last line Axel says in the movie... He'd see his obsession as his valentine.

He wants you as his partner... and he won't let anyone else change his mind.

Axel is pretty good at playing the double role, pretending to be a victim to win over his obsession's sympathy.

Meanwhile, he's a murderer who wants to kill anyone who gets too close to you.

Axel isn't afraid to get messy and obviously tends to use deception.

His whole thing is putting human hearts in chocolate boxes.

I'm not surprised he'd get himself bloody and gruesome when it comes to rivals.

He tends to use his pickaxe, but he's shown to use other methods.

Axel definitely tries to present himself as a caring boyfriend to you.

He's around you often, usually quite clingy as he nuzzles into your hair.

Axel wants to play his role well, you don't need to suspect a thing.

He'd be one to give you heart boxes of chocolates with a smile, gently kissing your skin as he continues to pretend.

Meanwhile he's also the one sending you human hearts with their boxes covered in blood, right after one of your close friends goes missing.

While Axel tends to play roles and pretend... the one thing that isn't fake is his obsession towards you.

He stalks you around when alone.

He often whispers your name with delusional glee as he tears the heart out of someone.

Axel sees himself as your only love.

He should be your only love.

You're the only one for him, but more importantly, he's the only one for you.

Axel is possessive, as shown with how he is against T.J.

He tends to get into fights and be violent if someone else takes interest in you.

In your case, they may quickly be found dead due to Axel feeling threatened.

Axel will do anything to preserve the relationship between you.

That mostly includes getting rid of rivals and spoiling you the best he can.

When you encounter "Harry Warden", you won't know it's him for a long time.

Although it's weird the miner spares you in particular.

Being offered human hearts only works in Axel's favor.

That rival is gone and he drives you even closer to him.

The notes with the hearts are often twisted declarations of love and murder towards you.

Meanwhile Axel's notes are soft and affectionate when he gives you chocolate.

In terms of if he'd kidnap you?

I can think of two answers.

The first one is... yes.

I can see Axel capturing you as Harry Warden in order to keep you somewhere more isolated.

Then he'll never have to share you, he'll never have to be jealous, and you'll be his.

You'd be tied up and in an abandoned building or maybe even deep in the mines temporarily, all while Axel sits in front of you with a smile.

You plead with him to let you go, but he merely shakes his head.

Why would he let his beloved valentine go?

You two are meant to be.

There's no way he'd let you go.

While you're tied up, bound, and crying... Axel merely cups your face and coos.

He'd kiss your face and lips, even if he was covered in dirt and blood.

You'd be all his... all his to hold... no one to share with.

No one will ever find you again.

Not without dying, that is.

The other option is no, he'd kill you instead.

Both options are driven by the same emotion, jealousy.

However, the second one is the most extreme.

He'd choose such an option if he felt he couldn't keep you to himself.

If you broke up with him, rejected him, or went to someone else for help?

Axel would feel the only way to keep you as his would be to take your heart.

Axel feels, no, knows he's the only one who deserves your heart.

Which means...

He'll have it even if he has to tear it out of your chest.

Axel will try to make your death quick, making sure you're dead before rummaging around your chest cavity.

Although... He'll eventually tear your heart out of your chest with a wet snap.

Does he care if you're dead?

Not entirely.

In his eyes, you're still with him this way.

He can't lose you if he has your heart.

Imagine if Axel tried to find a way to preserve your heart, keeping it like some sort of trinket.

He'd whisper to your heart as though it's you, keeping you close with deranged chuckles.

One way or another, you'll be his.

You're his bloody valentine... forever and always.

[sonicenvy]

Anyways I think one thing that is making me so hopeful about our ticket is that we have so much they don't have. We have hope, optimism, a belief in a better future, in love and kindness in the face of hatred, and we stuff to be for.

What do they have? They have hatred, fear, prejudice, chaos, destruction and division. They don't stand for things, only against. They stand against justice, against equality, against kindness, against everyone but themselves. Fascism can never sustain itself long term because all it has is hatred and fear, and once they "destroy" their enemies, that hatred and fear will get turned against their own people next. It's Ouroboros eating its tail, destroying itself. Fascism wants you to be afraid, wants you to believe that they are some kind of unstoppable force, something all powerful and inevitable. But they're not. They never will be. You can't build anything truly lasting on a government based on nothing but fear and hatred.

Dictators and fascists everywhere all across time and space have fallen, and always fallen in the end, because life, hope, and kindness can sprout back anywhere eventually. Life comes back even when the Earth has been scorched and razed. Every single fascist ever has inevitably been a loser. H*tler and the N*zis? Losers. Fr*nco? Loser. M*ssolini? Loser.

When we laugh at them, make fun of them, and call them weird they hate it. I think they hate it because it breaks their narrative where they're all-powerful, inevitable and unbeatable. It contradicts their narrative that says that their ideas of hatred, fear, and intolerance are what the average, normal person believes, and that everyone secretly is with them. Ultimately they're ridiculous, weak, losers who don't represent the average person and they hate when we put this message out there. The "weird" attack has been so successful thus far because of this, because it's everyone saying loud and clear, "fuck you, you don't represent me and my community." Under the constitution they have the right to say what they want without government interference, but equally the rest of us have the right not to listen to them and to tell them to fuck off.

Adjacently, something that we've seen in the archeological evidence of prehistory is that caring for each other and for members of our society with disabilities is a fundamental part of the history of humanity. It's something that they've also seen in Neanderthals. As much as war and violence have long been a part of human history, so have care and kindness. I think that that pushes back against a lot of narratives about the humans of prehistory where they're nothing but violent and everything had to be reciprocal, and where people with disabilities would be left to die.

idk, just having a lot of feelings and thoughts about kindness and the hope for a better future. To quote one of the Harris campaign ads, "we believe in a country where people aren't just getting by, they're getting ahead."

I think that we can do this, that we can beat these weird, creepy, losers and their ideology of hatred that represents none of us.

[yourturntosimp]

Hey i recently got into yttd and i absolutely ADORE your account. May i request a (yandere of course) shin hcs for when you talk back or blow up at him. Because he's very weak i imagine he wont be able to do any physical punishments. Like maybe he does some psychological torture?

(Any pronouns work!)

A/N: ok so we’ve all accepted atp that i’m an on-and-off writer and that part of the process is disappearing for months and coming back w a post, right? right, cool,,,,,anyways theres sm more i wanna add to this one bc i got inspo from a rlly good book + some good fics i found on ye olde quotev but my typing couldnt keep up w my brain <//3 

TWs: uhhhh idk, gaslighting, police mention, manipulation? Idk if ths what it is, isolation, violence/abuse mention, forced dependency, mental illness mention (idk if ths a tw but wvr), medication mention

💻tbh at first, he becomes a bit genuinely worried

💻i mean, it’s not like he wouldn’t expect you to not lash out at all

💻all healthy couples have little spats, from time to time! 

💻but a part of him kinda thought that he’d be able to keep you docile enough that you’d return his feelings, and this entire thing could be avoided :(

💻that paired with the fact that it was such an extreme reaction, too,,,,

💻all he did was “fix” your phone a bit so that your calls & texts wouldn’t go to anyone besides himself and any family that you have, is all!

💻but really, it was for your own good

💻if you could see all those mean things your ‘friends’ were saying about you, about your relationship in their other group chats? 

💻you would be devastated!

💻he was only helping you out a bit

💻seems like you’re kinda overreacting, it wasn’t that bad :////

💻yeah so once gaslight gatekeep girlboss goes out the window, he’s rlly left with no choice;

💻if you’re so angry at him, then leave!

💻go carry out your normal life before you met him!

💻Except with just one phone call, he’s got people all over town on the lookout for you, and actual help from law enforcement out of the question

💻after all, as far as the police & everyone else in town knows, you’re his poor poor darling, sick in the head, whose been refusing to take their medication for quite some time after suffering a traumatic incident

💻and you’ve suddenly run off! how tragic :(

💻and those blunt force trauma injuries that you “mysteriously” woke up with, after getting a bit too violent for his liking in the midst of your little outburst?

💻those aren’t helping your case <//3

💻so yyyyeah,,,,add nobody to believe you to the list of problems you currently have

💻even your family would be reluctant to take your word

💻after all, Shin is such a nice boy! And you haven’t been acting quite right, everyone’s worried for you, yknow??

💻you could never tell them that yeah, you’ve been acting weird because you’re basically being forced to stay with an obsessive stalker

💻they wouldn’t believe you before, they won’t believe you now

💻you can yell at him all you want, but at the end of the day, he’s the only person who you have

💻and even if you don’t want to accept that….well, you’ll come around eventually <3

[elytrafemme]

see the thing is i realized back in like august that i actually did suck as a partner massively in my past relationships which i kind of already knew (had anger issues in my first relationship, my second relationship was just like a whole separate thing i don't think anybody did anything wrong it just sucked, and in my last one i was avoidant and did not reciprocate much of anything). However i try to center this in my mind and then get wildly angry and bitter because i remember what happened to me in them (unintentional/accidental fs but lot of abandonment threats and weird stuff in the intimate sector and also lying, once again What was happening there, never saying anything about the fact that i was getting assaulted by our friends and also like.Whatever inability to communicate or smth idk). but then i'm like... okay well that's not really Their faults versus it was directly Me causing these issues, like they let me get exposed to really horrible stuff but that's more of a passive process vs i actively didn't spend time with my ex3 much and got into arguments (and worse)with ex1 a lot. But also like i was 15 and my ex1 was lying to me and they stayed w me so i wouldn't kill myself but i took that as like Oh i have to do (redacted) or u'll go. And i was 15 so i was like mad about that. And then when i was 16 i was just like insane and really convinced telling my ex to cheat on me would work and now i don't feel normal about her but we're best friends so like whatever. and then my last ex like...Idk. I was 17 and the worst all the time. and also my mom didnt know and i didnt have a drivers license.many such cases. SO LIKE: It is kind of all my fault and i am like really not positioned to be a good girlfriend in the future because i sucked in the past badly and watching other people date is reminding me of how badly i sucked. However. In my defense. Lot could have been avoided if people stopped sexualizing me but like that's not really on them lol. anyway my first ex is dead (kind of.) my second ex is my best friend and my third ex messages me sometimes and has a picture i made her as her tiktok picture still. And all my friends are in relationships but i'm okay with it because i don't have anyone who i like anyway and besides, i can't really love right.

haha what was that. Anywayi like this song.

[white-collar-cannibal]

okay hear me. out. i think austin would end up internalizing the most homophobia from showfall. cause i think sneeg hits a point where he's like ohhh my god who cares!!! maybe i am a weird freak sinner pervert. i do not caaaare. bcuz he is at such a high point from being in a fulfilling relationship. after frank dies. man idk. i think it's very not good for him but since he is so zonked on set into thinking frank's still alive it's not as devastating for his self-conception as it could be. and charlie is kinda like. yeah the word gay feels scary and bad to say and to think. but that's my brother and i love him and that comes first. so. and niki is too busy trying to destroy herself to internalize thoughts about other people. no thoughts on ethan or vinny rn. but austin? dude i think he is so fucked up on that respectability politics grindset. like he's like yeah maybe i'm gay but i'm Normal about it. i'm not like those other weird freaks. why can't you also be Normal. and by Normal he means like closeted. because he was targeted so directly for being queer by showfall that he became wildly defensive about denying it cause he didn't know what else to do. and then that just like. wormed its way into his brain as he had to keep doing it and as he got like violently jealous over sneeg getting to have a boyfriend. like he's like why can't the two of you just be Normal. and stop trying to touch each others' spleens or whatever (because they are real freaks to me) and that morphs over time into just. that kinda take over any kind of visible queerness. he'll unlearn it after he gets out it's just. going to take a While. anyway i'm wildly eepy rn so maybe this post doesn't make sense. anyway.

[quillyfied]

Hellaverse Theories: Helluva Boss S2E4

Welcome to Quilly’s Hellaverse Theories, where I overthink the entire Hellaverse! Now, folks, I’m a gentle soul. I prefer comedies and romances to drama and angst. But. Every so often. Every now and then. I get a dark hunger for some whump (followed by comfort but lol this episode does not provide that service). And this episode? DELIVERS. HURT THE BELOVED BIRD MAN. HUMBLE HIM. WHEEEEE!

Anyway. S2E4 WESTERN ENERGY HERE WE COME.

“Where the poor pour for you” good GRIEF okay. Also I didn’t know imps came that tiny. Someone help them. And build a Zootopia-esque tiny town for them, if they don’t already have that.

I see divorce settlement negotiations are going well :P It’s so funny to see Stolas being openly petty and bitchy to Stella when Via isn’t caught in the immediate crossfire, because we see through flashbacks (so far) that he really, really didn’t talk back or question her much during their marriage (not never, just not much). This is “don’t you want to just go apeshit” at its most refined. And lol at Andrealphus trying to wrangle Stella; she’s many things but tame has never been one of them and if she wasn’t such an egregious abusive violent bastard it would be more impressive (and I have some Thoughts about her and places this personality trait of hers could go/mean if given proper development, but later in the episode).

Alright, Stolas’ notification that he has a meeting with Ozzie in three days. That puts a timeline on this thing that may become amended by Oops, because after what Stolas is about to go through, I’m not sure he’s able to keep that meeting; and Striker does say “had a royal on the ropes just last week,” and Fizzarolli schedules Stolas for a nooner, so maybe it did need to get rescheduled while Stolas recovered. Not for long, though; a week at most. I don’t know how long people are in the hospital for normally when they get the kind of treatment Stolas gets, but he spends three days to a week in recovery, then still has bandages by the time Full Moon rolls around (whenever it may be)—demonic resilience, even in the face of holy weapons. Also. Where the HECK does blessed rope come from?? (And on the subject of timing, Blitzo spends a week tracking his sister while Moxxie and Millie are working the camper job—does it take Stolas a full week to recover? The chronology is so tiresome to track sometimes.)

But anyway, back to Andrealphus and his stupid face and his transparent attempts at manipulation. He’s kinda bad at this when he doesn’t have any ammunition, but he IS related to Stella, so I wonder if they both compensate the lack of skillful manipulation with pure arrogance. And I do very much question if Stella is as stupid as Andrealphus clearly thinks and says she is, or if she just has different goals and motivations and isn’t inclined to share them. Reducing Stella to an empty-headed spoiled brat just feels wrong in a show (and, frankly, a universe) where nearly every character has SOME sort of hidden depths, even if they’re just hints.

Also: I notice that at this fancy tea place, it’s not just Goetians demons. I see other Hellborn there as well (the lady at the table Striker lands on looks like she’s a succubus shark with very lovely tail fins, good work on the genetic lottery, madam). Interestingly wide social strata. Also, just gonna go ahead and speculate about it here: it’s weird that every ring has localized demon strains, but Wrath’s imps and (I am assuming heavily here, since Bee is hound-shaped and also appears to be the beast tamer in Lucifer’s merry Hellish circus) Gluttony’s hellhounds are at the bottom of that heap. Succubi/incubi, sharks, baphomets, whatever Envy has (possessors, I’ve heard it said? Not in-show yet so idk but I’ll go with it for now), even sinners from Pride—why are they higher on the social ladder than imps and hellhounds? How did that come about?

Very interesting to me too that Striker is clearly not full-blooded imp (very sharky), but he identifies as an imp and also has some strong opinions on his own superiority to the rest of imp-kind. There is a parallel there to be drawn to the real world that I am unqualified to speak on and am going to back away slowly from, but it has been noticed. And it’s also noticed that Striker isn’t immune from the affliction of having deeper waters within, too. Dude has a backstory and I’d love to know it.

Striker is a damn good gunslinger, though, and that’s fun to watch.

Holy balls I finally found the frame with the higher-class demon (maybe lower-ranking Goetia? Given that she has pupils?) who has a purse imp. That is. Deeply uncomfortable, actually.

HA also found Striker’s wanted posters. “Preferably dead please” NICE

Such a change for how Blitzo answers the phone when Stolas calls this time, though. He might just be trying to keep calm and easy because Loona is so distressed, but I also like to think, given his reaction in a minute when he realizes how deep Stolas might actually be in it, that Blitzo might have cooled off slightly since Ozzie’s. They haven’t talked about their issues one jot, but time does tend to take the edge off certain wounds. Time, and having an adventure in the human world together involving their daughters, and maybe skipping a few full moons, it’s really unclear.

“What does he look like, your Highness?” “Hmm…sexy?” “That’s Striker, sir!” Never fails to make me laugh. Of COURSE that’s how they identify who’s got Stolas trussed up on the back of a horse XD Also, this episode is an important one not just for breaking everyone’s illusion about Stolas’ untouchable nature and power, but for breaking the last scrap of fantasy that Stolas is clinging to about the nature of his and Blitzo’s relationship. He isn’t taking this seriously yet, despite the blessed rope, and the fact that Stolas isn’t more worried makes me think he doesn’t know about the previous assassination attempt, because I think he’d be way more concerned if he remembered that this same guy tried to kill him with an angelic rifle. He might know. Because it would be just as in-character for Stolas to know but just shrug and move on because it’s not like anything happened, he’s fine, Striker didn’t get him and he hasn’t ever been seriously physically threatened before. This is another step in Stolas’ painful, painful growing up process. It hurts, but it’s shaping him into a demon who can maybe not just become better for Blitzo and for Octavia, but better for Hell in general. And by better, I mean more willing to look the social structure of it in the face and go “no, this sucks, actually.” Again, I don’t know that Helluva Boss proper is ever going to actually address and try to change these bigger social systems, because that’s a heavy and complicated topic, but providing fanon fodder to create those kinds of stories and fantasies for itself is not a worthless service either, actually.

And for folks who want to blame Blitzo for not coming himself, two things: one, Loona is and should be his priority and he isn’t wrong for that, especially given the suspicious difficulty in getting this necessary appointment (listen it COULD be Slothful negligence, but I think we all know there’s something a little more systemically classist, if not racist, about how it takes FIVE YEARS to get an appointment for a YEARLY SHOT that Loona NEEDS or she is vulnerable to a HORRIFIC DISEASE. If there are hellhound shelters, why aren’t there hellhound clinics with better supplies and this very important shot more readily available?). Two, Blitzo DOES start trying to get to Stolas. Look at the way he breaks the gear shift. Until Millie and Moxxie reassure Blitzo that they can handle this rescue mission, Blitzo is either gonna break the appointment to go handle it himself, or he’s gonna try to ram through this appointment as fast as possible to get to Stolas ASAP. He is trying. There’s so much going on. But Blitzo picks his priority, and he's absolutely right to do so. If Stolas and Blitzo ever discuss that, I doubt Stolas would ever blame him for it, even if he is still disappointed by Blitzo never showing up (necessary as it is to continue breaking these rosy glasses of his so he can more clearly see his reality).

It took me looking it up to finally realize that Striker has a different voice actor for this season. Dude does a good job; it’s close enough to Norman Reedus’ performance that I didn’t notice, but the deeper register does make him sound more dangerous. And sexy. Mustn’t forget sexy. I am fully in the camp that Stolas’ initial “Oh, shit” is because Striker giving off a sinister one-liner and crushing the phone is, in fact, hot. Not entirely negated by the fact that Stolas is finally being clued into the severity of his situation, either.

I genuinely have to wonder if cell phones in Hell are so cheaply replaced that you could probably get them from a vending machine, or if they have healing/regenerating capabilities somehow. That would be more interesting to get information on, actually, but it’s just a recurring gag, there will never be anything deeper there.

Blitzo checks in with MnM, but the fact that he both trusts them and can give them some quick instructions on where to start looking—he’s good at his job and he’s intelligent, okay, he’s SMART and I hope he KNOWS IT. His self-esteem might be in the toilet but I hope he at least knows how intelligent he is. And can we talk again about how Blitzo can spell out loud just fine? I thought maybe he just didn’t care to correct his texts (turned autocorrect off like a legend), but it’s his handwriting, too, that suffers from his horrendous spelling. Why is it that his writing spelling is bad but his spoken spelling is good? Continuity error? Funny bit? Actual medical reason?

Also. Why is titty-haver a recurring insult in this show? I can glean that it’s a flavor of sexism, but. Like. Never heard that one before. Why is it a go-to choice?? Just gonna file it along with “daddyfucker” and try to move on with my day, I guess.

Also, this scene is part of the reason why I spell it “Blitzo” and not “Blitz;” if Blitzo is constantly telling people the O is silent and Nurse Muffy here can’t find his name without that O at the end, then he clearly spells it with the O still (or he had to give his legal name when he made the appointment, but either way: the O is present even if it’s silent, and I’m still not going to hunt down that special character and train my devices to recognize it when we all know the O is silent, and this is the laziness molehill I’m dying on I guess). (I mean, besides, that slashed-O character is an actual character with an actual pronunciation, this is trying to use Cyrillic to spell out your edgy blog title with no regard for what the characters actually are or mean or sound like all over again XD)

I love that the “prick” comment is what causes Karen Fishbitch here to finally vocalize her displeasure instead of just throwing looks. That is so…White Middle Class Mom of her. To point out the most innocuous thing to get offended over. Ugh.

JOEL PEREZ DOES EXCELLENT IN THIS EPISODE OKAY. I didn’t realize he was the poncho-wearing singing imp AND the sleepy doctor but HE’S AMAZING OKAY.

Striker having a theme song that he has to beat off with a stick makes me giggle so hard. I feel like all this comedy is setting us up for something! Almost like it’s about to get really bad!

Cutting back to Blitzo, I love the little shows of optimism he still has now and then. He clearly offended this lady earlier, but he still tries to make conversation while they’re waiting. Just a decent thing to do. I do wanna talk briefly about the kid calling Blitzo a “fire-toad,” though, because that’s a new one. And given the very detailed shading on Blitzo’s frown, we know right away even before Karen says “it’s not polite to call them that to their face, honey” that what the kid just said was pretty offensive.

…and it DOES make me side-eye Ozzie calling Fizzarolli “Froggie,” just a little bit. It’s an adorable nickname. But if a slur for imps is fire-toad…it does give me some Questions. Might be a continuity error or just a terrible coincidence that I don’t think we’re gonna get any answers for (has this been brought up in a panel or anything?), and they’re different enough that I don’t think for a second Ozzie calls him that maliciously or even in a reclamation way. Fizz and Ozzie seem to have been together for long enough that if Fizz really didn’t like it, he wouldn’t tolerate it, so that’s what I’m gonna choose to trust for now.

“I am not from Wrath, bitch” THEN WHERE ARE YOU FROM. Pride is my guess, since that’s mostly where we see the circus, but watching this fish woman throw out racist comment after racist comment (and classist, too, get it all in there), it does make me wonder how many imps from other rings have to deal with the same exact thing. My guess is a lot. (And again begs the question that if imps are Wrath-native demons, how did they end up on the bottom of the totem pole? Especially when we now know Satan is a lava-bleeding brick shithouse with a hot voice??)

And gosh, look, homophobia from a bunch of biker cowboys now. This episode truly has it all!

(And, again, how hardy are imps?? Moxxie is stabbing that guy SO MANY TIMES in the background, good GRIEF—)

Nice to know that it isn’t just Blitzo who causes destruction everywhere he goes; all of IMP has that affliction :P

Stolas giving Striker so much sass is fun to watch, despite the classist undertones. “Your wife must really hate you.” “You have no idea” YEAH STOLAS GIVEN THAT THIS IS HIS SECOND MURDER ATTEMPT ON YOU SPECIFICALLY I THINK HE DOES KNOW. I would also really like to know where the giant statue with the unrealistically huge boner came from, actually. That’s a specific choice. I mean, all of his décor is, but Striker, why THAT??

The voice actor for Striker makes what I assume is a conscious decision with his voice when Striker snaps about how every ring can’t be some fancy city, when he talks about how some folks have everything they love taken away by royal demons. He’s angry, but there’s a note of…something…in his voice that I can’t find a word for. “Pleading” certainly isn’t it, “sad” maybe, “desperate” isn’t it but it’s in the neighborhood…I don’t know. It seems like he’s trying to get Stolas to understand Striker’s position, imps’ position in general. Which is odd given that he’s about to torture and kill him, and clearly doesn’t have any illusions about changing Stolas’ worldview in that time (or that it would even matter), but the slightly softer tone of voice is striking. Pun only a little bit intended. I don’t think that softness is for Stolas, but for his own loss. Which I want to know in all details now please yes. And even more than that, I want to know about the specific royal that fucked Striker over, and if they’re still out there. (Taking bets now that if it’s a royal we already know, it’s either Paimon, Andrealphus, or Vassago, simply because Vassago having a dark past element like that would be DELICIOUS.)

LET THE HURTING OF THE BIRD MAN BEGIN. I love that angelic steel has a sizzle to it when touching Stolas; really adds to the torture.

“All you royals ever do is try to talk over us!” Also specific and I don’t think to this particular situation. Striker doesn’t care that Stolas isn’t the one who fucked him over (presumably); Stolas being part of the class of demons that caused him so much hurt is enough. And this show is violent, but there’s something visceral about watching torture as opposed to Millie tearing through an entire crowd of sharks, something that hits different when watching Stolas’ blood spatter as Striker stomps on his stab wound. Stolas keeping up his fighting spirit and not begging or weeping is…complex, actually. Begging and weeping is a normal reaction, but one that audiences generally tend to read as weak (which is lame given that that’s how most of us would react tbh but we are talking about fiction I suppose), and since Stolas is meant to be a sympathetic character to us, it makes sense to skip that reaction for him. However. HOWEVER. There’s also context for why Stolas doesn’t react to physical pain in the way that Striker clearly wants him to.

The fact that he BARELY FLINCHES when he gets his FUCKING LEG SNAPPED? Hot, but also, “Blitzo handles me rougher than that in bed” I genuinely cannot tell if that’s taunting, or if he’s serious. It would not surprise me if he was serious, especially if higher-ranking demons have a healing factor (and I genuinely don’t remember if that’s fanon or canon, but the fact that Stolas and Blitzo both are surprised that Stolas can get hurt like this indicates to me that even if we don’t see a Goetia or a Sin instantly healing from a cut or anything that isn’t delivered by angelic steel, it’s a pretty solid theory to stand on). Then the stabbing into the broken leg, and “Blitzy’s knife is bigger, and hits so much deeper.” Again…making Striker angry on so many fronts and I respect the hell out of it: sexual overtones that will shortly be more explicitly shown to freak Striker out, lack of reaction to pain that Striker wants but isn’t getting, dismissing Striker entirely (and especially in favor of Blitzo, whom Striker has a little bit of a muddled past with)—this is a strong fucking reaction to torture that I fully believe only comes from prior conditioning. Now. Whether that means Stolas and Blitzo are into some very hardcore kink, Stolas is used to pain from other sources (Stella being the prime candidate), or some mixture of both…the implications of seeing a pampered prince not break under this kind of physical pressure are damn impressive for his character makeup and future arc. Physical pain is nothing to Stolas. Emotional pain, though…phew. He is not built for it. Which Striker attempts to hammer at too, starting with demeaning him, but Stolas is able to irritate him enough to buy himself some time. There’s the tear, which I believe is concession to the physical pain as well as the high emotions he’s operating under, but first round complete. Stolas is somehow holding his own despite being in a very bad place.

I also gotta question “you won’t be worth more than the tombstone you’ll be buried under” being met with “Blitzy says far dirtier things to me with much sharper objects at my throat.” Which. We don’t know if anything Stolas is saying is true (it might be), but Blitzo engaging in degradation/humiliation of that caliber and higher in bed begs some questions about Stolas’ social awareness. Questions that I’m content to let rest for now and see what the rest of season 2 brings, actually. I’ve already talked at length about how Stolas has his own internalized classism and racism that he needs to address, both for himself and for his relationship with Blitzo, so I’ll let it lie for now.

Still amazed that the same guy who voices Valentino of all bitches also voices this adorable sleepy little goat man doctor. THE RANGE. IT IS IMPRESSIVE.

Finally pausing to get a good look at Andrealphus’ Elsa Palace and…it really looks like it’s in a remote location of Pride, looking at the harsh landscape. I suppose Andrealphus just had to…Let It Go when he had this place built? :P (Let’s be real it was probably gifted to him.) Andrealphus’ existence as Stella’s brother raises SO MANY MORE questions for me, too. For a start, they’re two different birds, which I guess is okay since Paimon isn’t a bird at all and still produced Stolas (and Via is an owl rather than a swan, despite having some similar features). For another, Andrealphus has no pupils, like Stolas, and I wonder if the presence of pupils in a Goetia means something. Paimon had them, but he also has a malleable form. Stella has them, as does Octavia, but in the s2.5 trailer when we get shots of other non-bird Goetia members as well as Vassago, none of them have pupils, just solid red eyes like Stolas. In the book the Ars Goetia, Andrealphus is a marquis, ranked lower than Stolas (who is a prince); we can also assume Andrealphus is lower-ranked than Stolas because of Andrealphus listing off all of Stolas�� assets that they (he) would lose access to if Stolas were to be killed (rather than, say, stripped of and given somewhere else, since Via clearly isn’t ready to take her father’s place yet). Andrealphus having a very obvious and physical ability, though—that feels important, especially since Stella shows no such capacity.

Out of lack of ability…or lack of training? The Goetia being patriarchal is a huge possibility, though it hasn’t been outright stated yet (and it could just be coincidence based on the fact that there are way more male characters in the Hellaverse for some reason).

I love that they were just at a fancy tea place, and here Stella and Andrealphus are, drinking MORE TEA at his palace.

I’m gonna say this about Andrealphus’ treatment of Stella: while he does have absolutely flaming (icing??) homosexual energy…the things he says and the way he says them to Stella does come off as very uncomfortably close to incestuous. The more I think on it, the more I wonder if it’s Andrealphus mimicking an older family member or friend who treated Stella in a similar way to assuage her ego and keep her in line, since her temper has clearly been a problem since she was a child. “Silly minx,” “fiery vixen,” tipping her chin with a finger MULTIPLE times—absolutely YIKES behavior, especially from a clearly slimy and manipulative older brother. I suppose they could be adopted, or half-siblings, or even just with a significant age gap; we don’t know how old Andrealphus is compared to Stella. But even if his mannerisms towards her aren’t meant to imply something THAT gross, they’re still horrifically infantilizing and belittling. I don’t want to live in a world where Andrealphus is bringing a sexual element into interactions with his sister, so I will henceforth try to ignore it, but I won’t lie to you folks and say I don’t feel the discomfort or feel the vibe. (Also seems problematic to me to have a big brother character with gay-coded flamboyance also have incestuous tendencies, but the incest might be completely unintentional and just how it unfortunately came out looking. Maybe they’ll fix that in the future. Or maybe they won’t.)

Now, about Stella: she doesn’t seem afraid of Andrealphus, in fact bringing him up to Stolas as someone whose words she takes seriously. She listens to him, is guided by him, but there are some tiny hints and clues that suggest to me that Andrealphus is pretty good at corralling her, if he can’t contain her entirely. He’s fawning over her, gentle and indirect with his wording as he tries to guide Stella into a less rash course of action, until she seems to miss his point completely and then he snaps at her. Now. Does Stella actually miss his point? Or does she just not care? It seems even Andrealphus is taken aback by his own realization that Stolas’ stuff will all pass to Via. And it does not escape my notice that he calls her Via, not Octavia. Stella is unaffected by this assertion, happily living in her dream land where she doesn’t have to deal with Stolas anymore (and therefore gets to be a sexy widow and not a sexy divorcee, which might have a better social reflecting on her anyway, especially if she’s possibly going to get put back on the marriage market or even just search for a more suitable partner herself). She doesn’t care that Via will get all of his stuff. Does this mean she’s stupid and just didn’t realize it? I don’t think so. I think she’s secure in her knowledge that Via inheriting won’t budge her equilibrium. I don’t think Stella WANTS Stolas’ responsibilities and legions and powers. Andrealphus might, but Stella doesn’t. She likes to swan (lol) around being rich and pretty and throwing parties and not having an unsightly blight on her reputation like a boring husband who cheated on her with an imp and then divorced her.

Now. Andrealphus neglects to do something in this conversation that I find fascinating and may be more deeply indicative of how Stella feels about her daughter. At no point does Andrealphus admit the possibility of either manipulating/controlling Via once she gets Stolas’ position, or killing Via and inheriting that way. I don’t think this is because ANDREALPHUS gives two shits about his niece. I think it’s because STELLA might have one or two shits to give about her daughter—and Stella giving shits about something usually means screeching violence from her when threatened or insulted. I may be proved wrong in the upcoming episodes, but I think that with every horrible wretched action and word out of Stella’s mouth, it is suitably complex of her to still care in some capacity about Octavia. We DO NOT KNOW what their relationship is like, if Stella is neglectful or pushy or kind or cruel. We DO know Octavia cares about her mother, cares that Stolas doesn’t love Stella and is taking more time to fight back against her (though Via probably doesn’t see it as fighting back, just plain fighting, because I don’t think she fully understands how terrible Stella has been to him). Andrealphus not suggesting anything untoward happening to Via hints to me that he knows that would not be a productive route to take when trying to talk to Stella.

And Stella is the product of her upbringing just like Stolas: she’s been told all her life that she’s attractive and that’s her most useful quality, that she’s rich and that makes her better than everyone else, that her prettiness and richness are valuable, and hey maybe she’s stupid but at least she’s hot! Her temper is violent, and the fact that she goes to murder as a solution rather than trying to take him for everything he has in the divorce says something about her, too. If Via gets all of Stolas’ things, Stella is still going to be taken care of; she clearly expects her daughter to continue to care for her and maintain her, and if Via can’t or won’t, Andrealphus will. Wanting Stolas dead is about her pride, because how DARE he also be stuck in this boring as fuck and unhappy marriage and then try to get out of it? There is so much about Stella’s behavior that could hint at the ways she was belittled and molded into a seriously unhealthy shape by outside forces. It was her arranged marriage, too, it was her life decided for her from childhood too, it was her utility to produce an heir too. This doesn’t excuse her abuse, but guess what, abusers are also people and have complex motivations and often dark and hurtful pasts and those are important to examine too. Not because Stella’s actions aren’t her fault, but because when you have a female character in a show with a high ratio of non-female characters and she is the only living mother who gets any kind of regular screen time, you want her to have a little goddamn depth, dammit.

Exploring an abusive marriage where the wife is the abusive one is something that isn’t done enough in fiction, IMO; I don’t want apologetics for her, I want explanations. I want reasons. I want her to either be shown to be incapable of feeling conflict because of how badly she’s been screwed over and in turn has embraced her own awful behavior as a deeply maladaptive coping mechanism, or to go through some damn emotional conflict that won’t erase her mistreatment and abuse but will show that she isn’t a one-note harpy wife. Maybe she’s like this because she was made this way (and is too terrible a person to fix it which is absolutely on her but I think there’s blame to share for how she turned out this way in the first place). MAYBE I WANT STELLA TO STAB ANDREALPHUS THROUGH THE HEART WITH AN ANGELIC SPEAR WHEN HE GOES TO ATTACK STOLAS AND BLITZO LATER IN S2.5. MAYBE I WANT THAT.

ANYWAY.

“This kind of situation is extremely unique. A Goetia has never behaved like this before.” Alright I’m calling bullshit, but as I have said before, I do think the Goetia family is more than capable of covering up their scandals. Stolas being an odd duck (owl?) within his own family and thus his drama blowing up without anyone knowing it was coming because nobody bothers to check in on boring stuffy old Stolas (…still want to point out that he’s very young, especially for an immortal demon) is more likely, though.

And here we go, back to the Torturing Stolas channel, where Striker is getting tired of playing with his food and finally finds the ultimate weak point to press: Via. The fact that it makes Stolas go vengeful instead of tearful is another pillar to the STOLAS LOVES HIS DAUGHTER fact of the show. And the knife going all the way through this time makes me wonder if it’s going to have some long-term problems for him. He does have the arm bandage longer than any other bandage that we see, after all, even the broken and stabbed-up leg. I also really want to know what Stolas’ last words were trying to be. “Blitzo…will…” Blitzo will what? Come for him? Avenge him? And I love that Stolas wants his last words to be about Blitzo, not because he doesn’t love and isn’t thinking of Via, but because at this point, he’s already sworn to defend her (even if he really, really can’t), and keeping her out of the conversation is safer for her. Blitzo can handle himself. Via can’t, not against Striker. And Stolas already showed his hand by reacting so vehemently to Striker just mentioning her, so I have no doubt that if and when Striker comes back for Stolas or Blitzo in the future, Via is going to be playing some sort of role in that endeavor.

And not to drive home the point that Striker is poor AF despite being a highly successful assassin, but. Look at his flip phone. Look at the cute little charm on the flip phone. This dangerous violent man has a PHONE CHARM. What a DORK.

I also love that Stolas is so indignant at the idea of “we still need him alive to get some affairs in order.” He might just be reacting to Stella’s voice in general, now that he’s very clear that this whole thing was her doing, but. The AUDACITY of this bitch.

Who wants to bet Striker never got paid for this?

Now. The attempted eye-gouging. I’ve seen it floating around that “if you’re gonna threaten to blind a character, don’t be a coward and do it,” but. Come on. Let’s be a little practical, y’all: if they took any of Stolas’ eyes, they’d have to update the merch :P

THE FACT THAT THE IMP VAN BLASTS LA CUCARACHA. HELL YES.

Splicing the very real life-or-death battle with Striker with the still dangerous but more comedic battle of getting Loona her shot is such a good storytelling choice, actually. Cutting some of the tension while also making it that much more potent, especially as Moxxie and Millie start losing—cutting away from them right as they’re getting their asses handed to them to watch Blitzo getting HIS ass handed to him but in a less high-stakes way is maddening in the best way. Also: Striker’s face when the radio changes to something pop. Beautiful XD Damn this is a good fight scene though. Really showcases how skilled Striker is, because taking on Moxxie and Millie at the same time when they have very focused intent to kill is impressive.

…aaaaand Striker’s immediate discomfort at Moxxie’s unexpected sexual overtones wins me over again. The only sexual harassment I will allow: flustering the villain so the heroes can wreck his shit :P (Please know I am joking.) Tbh Striker has no room to talk, he is LITERALLY FUCKING DROOLING as he strangles Moxxie. This is clearly already kinda kinky for him. He just doesn’t want Moxxie to be into it (very “evil dentist from Little Shop of Horrors” of him).

I genuinely want to know how Striker keeps getting out of these situations. By all rights he should have been impaled on his own stone boner. Sigh. (And I cannot WAIT to see him come back after being burned alive; gonna be messy as HELL.)

Now here’s my question: how in the unholy heck are there so many reporters and paparazzi at the hospital already? I’m assuming Moxxie and Millie called ahead to make sure the hospital could get him taken care of ASAP as soon as they arrived, but what gossip mongers were crouched in wait for that? (Also, the doctors being plague doctor aesthetic: good stuff, very good stuff.) (IF STOLAS KEEPS CALLING THEM LITTLER ONES OR LITTLE CREATURES AFTER THIS ISNTEAD OF BY THEIR NAMES I’M RIOTING.)

And. The tail shot. And the surprise and vulnerability in Blitzo’s face and voice when he says “He can get hurt?”

BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP YOU’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT ALL THE WAYS HE CAN GET HURT IN THE NEXT HALF OF THE SEASON.

I need a minute I am WEAK.

Nooooo twinkly pretty heartbreaking tune how DARE you make this moment where Stolas’ final hope of his fantasies playing out, even just this one time, dies even more tragic. It’s so SAD, IT’S SO SAD. IT’S SO NECESSARY BUT IT’S SO SAD. Let’s make it worse: there’s a game you can play with picking flower petals off a flower and you say “they love me, they love me not.” Whichever you say at the last petal is the universe’s answer to the question of whether or not your beloved loves you. (Please keep in mind this is horseshit as far as reflecting reality goes but it’s a pretty sort of ritual to play sometimes.) Stolas is in a hospital room surrounded by so many flowers they cover the floor. A petal falls…he loves me. Stolas gets a text from Blitzo, hoping he gets “bivver swoon.” Stolas smiles. Responds with thanks, and invites Blitzo to come see him at the hospital. Blitzo types…and never responds. A petal falls as Stolas’ smile fades. He loves me not. Stolas sets his phone down. He rolls over, and another petal falls on his phone. He loves me. Stolas nestles into his hospital bed in contemplation. A fourth petal falls…he loves me not. (Though we don’t know where that petal winds up, and it’s a “he loves me” petal that lands on his phone, so maybe????)

I’m FINE.

I’m so fine that I am going to now move on to the next episode and I don’t have to wait for my misty eyes to clear AT ALL.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW suicidal thoughts and physical violent, and vomiting. Not as bad as it sounds.

I get nauseaus when I think about "good times" in the past. Those times don't have to be really good, most things are just bullshit nostalgia. You know, when I hear the song again that I heard non-stop when I was at my worst and think "Oh. Beautiful times when my dad abused me so heavily that I thought about killing myself non-stop". I paint everything "good" in nostalgia, idk, I am weird.

But I also get really nauseaus when I think of my past, even of times when "nothing bad happened" (as far as I remember) or of times when I was so little, that I anyways have almost no memory of it. It feels like "back then everything was so flawlessly perfect" but I also feel like vomiting.

I thought that happens because of some repressed memories maybe, that get triggered when I think about the past. But that also happens with more recent things. Like (and this is when it really came into realization) I watched a wonderful series this spring. It was perfect and heartbreaking, you know, the kind of heartbreaking that you will adore from afar, but not so quickly rewatch it. Not ready for that yet ^^

Anyways, I was looking at some pictures from that series and it felt like it was the best time of my life (it really wasn't even a good time tbh), and also I felt like vomiting. Just like when I think about my childhood. Idk, I always believed, thinking about my past triggers something. But am I unable to think of any past, even the recent one, without getting nauseaus? Is that in any way normal?

Hi anon,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been experiencing this, as well as the abuse you endured. Nausea is an extremely unpleasant feeling and it can be confusing to experience this every time you reminisce about something positive in your life. I'm not sure if there's a specific reason for this, but it's possible that you may just feel your feelings so strongly that it makes you feel like throwing up. It could have something to do with repressed memories, but it's not up to me to tell you if you have them.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you process and heal from your trauma, and potentially help explore the root of this nausea you're feeling.

I hope that you can reach a point where you can reflect on positive memories without feeling nauseous. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary171

3/3-4/2024

sunday - monday

a nice day off i guess.

back 2 feeling bad tomorrow though. not that bad though. the next 2 days are just 3 hour shifts, but after that,,,, 2 more days off, and then 2 more 7.5 hour shifts. isn't that sooo cooooool.

i know people live like that normally but really they should not i think. it is not good for people.

anyway, today i've mostly been mixing this one song, since i'm not going in early tomorrow, i'm gonna be able to record vocals probably tomorrow, so i'm thinking i'm gonna do that for this song, replacement vocals for parts/because i disliked some lyrics. and then maybe some more stuff re: vocals on other songs. whatever i need to do to get things done, and if it's stuff that's like, simple, as in, going in and re-recording, that'll be good.

i should get a list of songs i need to re-record together, for vocals, and songs that need new lyrics. huhmmmmmmmm. i don't want to make it tedious though. but i guess it just might end up that way... frustrating and sad and a whole lot of other things. idk. it's just hard to get practiced rn. my gf and i are like home at the same times mostly. i just need time to myself to like, practice i feel like. but i don't really want her to go when i'm off work or whatever.

testing some stuff out to get these vocals to sound right, the parts/bones i do like/ need to help guide me, i think.

one idea was less distortion, i always do a bit too much, and then another was i forgot on the master fx, the weird high pass filters on psp infinistrip's compressors. i know what they do now, better, they just make the songs i'm making sound better when i push them up higher, i think. so i'm doing that.

i did take a long break at around 11 pm where i played elden ring some, i fought some random bosses, stuff like that, i found a cute chest piece to wear. that is one criticism i have of the game, not enough pretty/cute armor, dark souls had so much, demon's souls was very cool looking imo, ds3 was also good, ds2 was weird but good ultimately. elden ring lacks in that department, i think. very strange.

i also just need to buy a new mouse soon, this one is double clicking by accident/malfunction, super annoying.

another thing, i want to do some stuff to that horse thing i did yesterday, i had an idea for things to draw over top of it/modify it with gut-y things. it could be good, for something, idk what though.

since i am sleepy, i'll cut this one short i guess, a final bit of thinking though, re: today

i was thinking about like, why i like music w/ screaming in it, in the shower today, and about how it reminds me of this noise in my head sometimes, it's not like, coming from anger, it's like a violent and incoherent thought, not violent outwardly, but its happening, it is an eruption of some sort, it is a straight line, or like, an epiphany, a gust of wind from where but leading me elsewhere, it is gravity, it gives me something but its utterances can't really be expressed. this is all to say, it's inarticulate to the point of articulating something, it used to appear a lot more, when i was a lot more unwell i guess, it was like screaming and also the scraping of a machine, it didn't crowd out the ability to think though, it was concurrent with my internal voice, it was a phenomenon, i lived beside it, or it lived through me, idk. i hope it doesn't sound deluded to say it articulated something in its incoherence, because i don't think it articulated anything meaningful on the level of like, what i am, you know. it gave me very little except a feeling, it revealed itself as a feeling speaking totally, its own voice, i guess, cleaved from the semantic structures i live by typically, another voice speaking wrong, i guess the gnashing of the teeth, an abjection appearing inside me, or maybe the waste produced in thought reached out and shook me. that is what it seems like now. it is a theoretical thing, almost, spurred on by difficult circumstance in my life. music like orchid or powerviolence or anything else really excessive along similar lines speaks that same sort of position i think, or it at least seems to emerge from there. not necessarily rage or whatever, it doesn't have to be angry, it is just brittle and coming apart. i was thinking of this beside why my girlfriend doesn't seem to always like that stuff, and i think it's more that to her, it recalls being screamed at, rather than a wall of noise that can be pointed outward (recalling cybernetic hypothesis' idea of a zone of offensive haze now), or used to shroud oneself. this is a difference of experience but not desire, since we want that same thing, but we imagine it differently.

this is what makes us a good couple, i think.

currently waiting for this final export now. i am so actually almost painfully tired i feel like.

okay... that was not the final one, but maybe this will be.. ihope.

i think i will just have to figure this one out tomorrow, but it's getting there, i think the instrumental is sitting at the right volume but idk what's up with the vocal mix. maybe too many scooped mids? idk. a weird sound overall. maybe it has to do w/ the not distorted low end? i can try fooling w/ that tomorrow as well.

anyway, i need to sleep now so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lorisystem]

Sorry about to be negative but need vent

So i had a rlly difficult day and tbh this probably doesnt help but these thoughts i have them all the time its a constant opinion and not just a negative spiral. Although right now feeling this a lot and affecting me more than usual

Anyway like i got back from paid leave last week and my job is like rlly demanding. Im gonna say for me because my threshold for difficult is really low. But yea its just the workload is fairly heavy, theres a lot of pressure, and theres a lot of drama etc. To be fair my neurotypical coworkers are also struggling etc.

But anyway one of the things about paid leave is that when you are able to be off for enough days in a row (like 3 weeks in my case) it really feels like. I was fine during paid leave enjoying my little life doing whatever i wanted being paid etc. You go back to work and its like. Why am i subjecting myself to this. Why. Whats the point. It doesnt even matter. Do i have to even? Why did we all decide to just be doing this. So whatever but thats one thing going on etc

Idkkkk if its like. Haha seasonal or what but im having slightly more suicidal ideation than usual. Like this is not worrying at all like im not in danger or anything. Disclaimer i wont do anything etc. And im saying this completely deadpan non emotionally- Buttt like to give an idea even at my happiest / euphoric i always think of dying as a good thing. I rlly have a hard time finding anything worth it. Literally best i can do is "yeah for this reason i can endure until i die of natural/accidental causes but rlly glad that it does end at some point". So thats my baseline i live like this and most of the time im fine cause like, my number one priority in life is to avoid whatever causes me suffering and stress and like the thing about suicide is that non violent methods are inaccessible to me which i think is unethical but thats my own issue lol. So basically as long as my life is less painful than suicide im at no risk of dying and i do my best to minimize suffering, doing fine on that, so everything is fine. Alright

But like anyway i was thinking that my number one problem in life currently and idk how to solve it its impossible right?

Is like. I want to live a life where i can be myself/not mask. That is to say be authentically who i am speak like i think act like i think dress how i want use the pronouns i use etc (im talking about displaying asd traits, dressing weird, being trans, ace, polyam queer etc) like just harmless things that are my core personality and defining traits right. AND be respected as a human being.

That is to say like id like to go outside and participate in society sometimes without having to pretend to be "normal" and also at the same time to not get weird looks, not get nasty looks, not get catcalled, not get harassed, not get commented upon, not get someone coming up to me to comment on my outfit or be mean to me, not get someone feeling entitled to treat me as subhuman, not stalked, not at fear of being assaulted, not get rumors spread about me, not followed around, not preyed upon etc etc just for existing <3 bc i dare to look abnormal and vulnerable ppl notice and think im not human.

Ive had all those happen to me and thankfully nothing too bad either like it happens to some ppl so i will display a certain amount of disgusting gratefulness bc of course i have some privilege so there is obviously way worse than me. Somehow still enough to make me traumatized and agoraphobic!

I just want to exist and that its ok and that ppl dont wonder if thats ok if they should take advantage of me or try to help and correct whatever is wrong with me.

And that is too much to ask! Its literally too much to ask.

We live in a world where we cant expect especially marginalized ppl, to be respected. To exist outside or in public etc and just not get someone to make us understand thats somth is wrong with us.

I have to pretend to be normal, all this effort so at the end of the day not only am i dead inside but also i still know ppl think theres still somth off about me.

So anyway this is my pipe dream and the reason ill never think anything is good or worth it. Is there in the world a happy place like this? I think about it all the time, where is the land i can be happy and ppl act normal to me.

Anyway a dream ive had is to save up and buy a house on a mortgage and like. I have a good salary at the moment for a single person, its pretty good. But my spouse is struggling to find a job and anything resembling takes a lot of energy from them so idk if its viable long term even and on my salary alone thats impossible. So idk. And like thats fine but its sad cause my spouse is rlly depressed about it etc.... capitalism does this to us.. yk how it is..

Im thinking maybe i should just attempt to start a thing to get disability aid or somth which is. The amount is basically only the minimum to live for one person if you leave in a shoebox and have no expense. So like the quality of life for myself and my spouse would seriously decrease in terms of living space and other nice things so like meh. But most importantly id have to get reevaluated every few years etc at risk of losing it if i stop qualifying it. Which can reasonably happen even if the doctor i have changes and they decide no longer disabled or someth even. That is if i even get it cause like i am actually capable at least for now to work full time in the way i do. Sucks the whole time, but capable. So idk what to do. Maybe i reduce my time of work. Idk. The fear of losing the disability is rlly too much for me too like. I have no financial support if that happens i cant count on my family at all for anything. Im too scared/traumatized by poverty to not have stability.

Honestly i think its just this forever then? Ig i should make another therapy appointment but last time my therapist said something that set me off and now i dont wanna go again its so dumb cause i rlly like her and been w her for like. Idk almost 2 years now. And she just said one thing which i think even she meant nothing by it and now im just like. I rlly hate that its happening i just feel the ick.

I was telling this to my spouse too like when you repress your emotions so much all the time you stop feeling sadness or anger etc you just feel the ick. Like profoundly uncomfortable with no words to put on it rlly

So thats going on for me ♡ sorry for being negative though just going through my mind but ill be ok etc

[nagichi-boop]

Kinda angsty Submas headcanons (feat. Elesa)

This is mostly about them as kids. I suppose this may technically count as an au post? Idk. Also this is very ND heavy cuz like…come on, they’re ND lol. It has some ableism (specifically regarding parents being dumb), so if you’re not comfortable with that, this post might not be for you. Stay safe, y’all!

Headcanons for: Ingo, Emmet and Elesa.

• Emmet was non-verbal as a kid and his parents never understood why. Their mother often told Ingo that he was her favourite of the twins because he seemed more “normal and polite”, which Ingo hated.

• Emmet often felt upset as a child and would retreat, mostly because of his mother’s judgement towards him. He once communicated to Ingo that he wishes he were normal, to which Ingo assured him that he too was “not normal” since people commented on his lack of facial range that he felt the need to compensate for with his vocabulary. He also told Emmet that it doesn’t matter what others think and that whether or not they’re weird is something that they had to decide for themselves, but that they should be proud to be so unique, that someday their unique minds would make them the greatest pair.

• The two of them weren’t allowed to have Pokémon, so whenever they went to Elesa’s house, she’d let them hang with hers. They also found and befriended a wild Litwick and Joltik, which they’d play with whenever they visited Elesa.

• Emmet often had violent meltdowns due to sensory issues (often being under stimulated as he wasn’t allowed to stim in front of others). This made his mother even harsher towards him, but Ingo would always cover and say that he would deal with it, which his mother interpreted as maturity. Ingo would let him use the pair of headphones that Elesa gifted to them to help him calm down, as well as turning off the lights and giving him a blanket to wrap up in.

• One day the twins couldn’t take their mother’s abuse anymore, so they snuck out of their bedroom window and ran to Elesa’s house. Elesa’s parents (who are much kinder) took the twins in. At first their mother tried to fight the decision, but eventually she said she didn’t need them anyways.

• Elesa’s parents helped teach Ingo and Emmet about Pokémon and helped them to catch the Litwick and Joltik they befriended (which wasn’t hard cuz the Pokémon put up no resistance).

• Elesa shared her plush toys with the boys as she noticed they seemed anxious a lot. They seemed to sleep better after that.

• The first time the parents took Ingo and Emmet to the subway, they immediately became obsessed. The parents decided to get them books and stuff on trains and they were obsessed.

• Since Elesa was diagnosed as autistic at a young age, it didn’t take long for her parents to notice Ingo and Emmet had traits - strong ones at that. They quickly took them to the doctors and sure enough they were. The parents explained what it was and that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, that it simply meant they saw the world through a different lens and that they’d do anything in their power to make navigating the world easier for them.

• The parents also help to teach both the twins and Elesa sign language as a way for them all the communicate. Emmet was ashamed at first because he felt like he was forcing everyone to make an extra effort for him, but to his surprise everyone was super excited to be able to talk to him, which made him feel a lot better. Plus he and Ingo could now communicate their enthusiasm for Pokémon and trains.

• Elesa often shared her dreams of modelling and the twins said they wanted to be “subway bosses”, which at first Elesa assumed to mean train conductors. But they eventually started rambling about setting up a battle system in the subway, which seemed bizarre, but wasn’t so outlandish that Elesa tried to shut it down. The brothers’ fondness for battling made Elesa also want to become a gym leader.

I feel like I had some more ideas but my brain is for some reason not coming up with anything else. I’ll just make a part two if I need to. Hopefully this post isn’t like…bad? I just rly like angst and for some reason feel like Ingo and Emmet had trashy parents.

[milkytheholy1]

Can you do an established relationship with rise mikey x female reader and the reader needs late night cuddles because she can’t sleep due to nightmares that the turtles (especially Mikey) might not survive one of the missions the team goes on? Angst and fluff Only if you’d like though, there’s no rush! ^^

A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to get to this request, I have spent a few days, kinda, off of writing fics. I think a part of me feels burnt out but then another wants to do it, idk its weird? Anyway, hope this is what you wanted and sorry it's a little short, I've got a lot of requests to get through. Enjoy!

tmnt masterlist. tmnt 2. ultimate masterlist. AL series

Happy thoughts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Running. Running is all you remember. The flashes of lightning hit the building hard, making its foundations shake violently as the storm outside raged on. You found that you weren't frightened of the storm but what was happening beneath those dark clouds.

You caught your reflection when lightning struck for a third time that night, caught the look of desperation and fear in your eyes. You looked awful and if Mikey were here he'd probably tell you that, along with countless ways to cheer you up. But that was just the guy Mikey happened to be: thoughtful, considerate and loving. A perfect ball of sunshine.

You kept his beaming smile in your mind, even if he wasn't beside you the memory of him seemed to keep your mind at ease enough. But it still wasn't the same as having the box turtle snuggled beside you on your bed like you had planned for that evening. It was just meant to be a simple movie night but once he got the call from his brothers that something big was happening over the horizon, he had to go.

You couldn't blame him, no. You blamed whatever took him away from you that night. You couldn't quite catch who the culprit was this time since he left so fast, only shouting a quick apology before shooting out through your bedroom window and over the rooftops.

So here you were, sat against your bedroom window watching as the storm got worse and worse. Waiting for your beloved partner to return so life can go back to semi-normal. You'd wait until the end of time if it just meant you got to see Mikey unharmed and in your arms again.

Even if you could feel him close to you, your imagination wasn't enough to hold off the thoughts. The what-ifs? Like what if they ran into worse trouble on the way back? What if he got injured? What if it was more than just a light scratch or a forming bruise? What if he didn't come back?

The last one really troubled you, stuck with you like a tumour. You couldn't shake the thought from your head, the constant lingering feeling that something bad had happened to Mikey or all of his brothers. That they were alone and defeated.

You knew they'd be fine, they're trained ninjas with mystic weapons, of course they'd be okay. But what if this time they weren't, what if they met a foe they couldn't defeat?

Stop it, stop it, stop it you chided to yourself, choosing to focus your attention on the storm and not the deep, dark feelings brewing in your heart.

Think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts like that time when you went to a secluded beach for the day, gosh it was so funny seeing how the boys reacted to the sand and sunburns. Or when you first confessed your feelings to Mikey and he literally screamed loud enough Channel Six news thought it was a call from God.

A warm smile emerged onto your face, the feeling of a warm hand brushing through your hair, calming breaths lifting you up and down. Flicking your eyes open you caught Mikey's worried gaze, "Are you okay, (Y/N)? You were flinching in your sleep and moving a lot."

You kept blinking at him, taking in the setting of your bedroom, the fairy lights, the stacks of DVDs, the bowl of popcorn. A dream? No, not a dream, a nightmare for sure. So it wasn't real, Mikey hadn't left and it was alll just made up!

"(Y/N)?" Mikey whispered again, still slightly unnerved by your sudden grin. You leapt at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his shell and squeezed. Mikey fell back into the pillows, nervously chuckling while rubbing his hands up and down your back in comfort, "O-okay, what's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing's going on at all." you mused, flashing those beautiful eyes back up at him. His nervous grin soon became more confident as he pressed quick kisses over your face, making sure to spend a little more attention on your lips before releasing you.

You laid back with him, happily snuggled up to his side as he pressed play on the movie, "Oh, er, sorry I kinda watch it without you. It's just that you l-looked so peaceful while you were asleep and I d-didn't want to wake yo-"

You pressed a finger to his lip to silence him, "It's okay, I'm just happy you're here." you kissed his cheek then pressed your nose into the crook of his neck. Mikey looked puzzled but turned his attention back to the movie, his eyes flicking down to you, checking you were still okay.

"Of course I'm here, where else would I be?"

[constellraetion]

You guys seriously need to either stop calling Wiggle “Abusive” or just admit you’re racist already because its seriously not funny anymore thanks

It’s super obvious when ya’ll get all up in arms about the only black coded character in a romantic relationship (and she isnt even Actively in a relationship with Gramble until the end of the game) and how she’s MANIPULATIVE and GASLIGHTS her partner when literally none of that happens, and treating Wiggle like she’s evil and predatory because you people are obsessed with treating Gramble like a pathetic defenseless baby when he’s a grown adult and need to find a reason to hate the pairing and sound woke about it.

But anyway my response the points ive seen about Wiggle and Gramble’s “Toxic, Abusive Relationship” in a short list,

“Wiggle is too old for Gramble, it’s a predatory age gap!”

 First off the AMA is what kicked off this discourse in the first place and in general it’s really annoying what people will take word-of-god as irrefutable canon when the ages presented in said AMA don’t even make sense. There’s rumors that the claim that wiggle is in her late 30s is a typo (which I highly believe is true, I genuinely do not think that Young Horses would have put Gramble and Wiggle in a relationship with such a large age difference, and her being in her late 20s makes a lot more sense, 

Plus there is a huge and weird disparity with the age ranges in the AMA that aren’t backed up by the game. For example, they also say that Liz and Filbo are childhood friends, that Liz protected Filbo at school, and that Filbo was following Liz for years, but apparently they’re about 10 years apart in age? Are we supposed to believe that Liz was smacking around kids 10 yrs younger than her in defense of Filbo? Wack.

“Wiggle manipulates Gramble and takes advantage of him.”

I know this fandom loves ignoring canon except for when it supports their points but the fact that people keep ignoring what is literally stated between these two is really annoying. Gramble isn’t ignorant, he knows Wiggle takes his snax, and repeatedly stands his ground around her. When she asks him to go on a date with her on the beach he says no, and when she asks if he’ll spend time with her in Snaxburg he says no. Both times, Wiggle respects his decision and doesn’t press him, instead she chooses to let him decide when/if he wants to come to her, and doesn’t insist that he have to be around her. Idk about ya’ll but this doesn’t read as being manipulative to me. 

Does she make an attempt to steal from Gramble in the game? Yes, but considering that its implied almost everyone else has at some point so why do people get on Wiggle’s case so much about it? (Hint: Racism)

“Gramble and Wiggle’s relationship is the only unhealthy one in the game so why not critique it?”

Newsflash, every relationship in the game has some kind of unhealthy element to it. None of your faves are immune, not Liz and Egg, not Snorpy and Chandlo, not Wambus and Triffany. It’s even more obvious that people’s “concerns” about how Wiggle and Gramble’s relationship is “toxic” are entirely twodimensional when uh, no one brings up how Snorpy and Chandlo treat each other, how Lizbert treats Eggabell, how Wambus and Triffany barely have a proper reconciliation at all. With this in mind, why do people only act like Wiggle and Gramble’s relationship is unhealthy? Like, you all saw the tapes about Liz and Egg right? We all saw those? No? Liz never even apologizes to Eggabell for how she treated her and I have WAY more concern about that considering they are actually in a longstanding committed relationship vs. two people who haven’t even started dating yet.

-

With all that said I’d just like to say, stop projecting onto these characters with your problems. It’s fine to critique the actions of characters but you people literally take it way too far, its embarrassing and people like me can see the way you get upset about a black coded character but ignore the faults of other characters with white voice actors (i.e. Beffica has literally RUINED LIVES before, remember how Snorpy keeps lying to Chandlo, or how Liz accused her girlfriend of cheating on her for no reason? Yeah.) No one is saying that you can’t critique Wiggle’s actions, but to be so blatantly obvious with your actions? Ridiculous.

Also don’t think that I haven’t seen people act like Wambus, WAMBUS and FILBO would be better partners to Gramble than Wiggle, when Wambus is the character who was the most violent AND is the person who made Gramble so paranoid about his snax being stolen that he couldn’t sleep, and Filbo has stolen and lied about taking care of Gramble’s snax before and also didn’t apologize about doing so. 

anyway TL;DR, You can critique Wiggle’s actions and you don’t even have to like Wiggle and Gramble as a couple but stop pretending that you hate it because their relationship is “toxic”, and stop calling Wiggle “abusive” because you don’t even know what that word means clearly if you see two characters who have NORMAL FLAWS experiencing struggles when it comes to their feelings and immediately jump to labelling their relationship as unsalvageable.

Nonblack people can reblog but your comments on this post are unwanted and unnecessary.

[blankerthought]

i’m bored, so it’s time to post some of my aus before i lose them in a file forever:

Some semi-normal sbi foster au:

tommy as the new foster kid who’s sorta traumatized and Does Not Want To Be Attached (good luck on that one), 

wilbur as the one who had shitty parents who made Phil godfather so there’s that whole link there,

techno the street kid who might’ve been in a cult at some point? God knows anyway Phil lured him like a cat n he got adopted a couple years back, 

Phil the foster parent with a Job In Construction (i would like to state that Kristin n him aren’t like, dating-dating yet in this -they’re getting there!-but. She's his boss. Also, the “Construction Job” might be partially a front for crime or something but it isn’t clear just how much Phil is aware of.) 

Tubbo as Old Best Friend from previous foster home who got adopted early on and p much lost contact w around age 11 or so but who was still Dearly Remembered

Ranboo as Tubbo’s New Best Friend and thus Enemy 

Anyway, the entire rest of the fic is a more typical “adjusting to them not being shit, feeling safe in the first time in forever, one or two major misunderstandings/issues that are resolved after a chapter cliffhanger/pov change” type things 

But! We are not finished with the fic yet.

I want there to be a chatlog type thing at the end of every chapter- a little update, could be the honest truth, could be total lies.

I want there to be the assumption of “ooo, he must be texting his social worker! Maybe it’s a friend from his last foster house? Maybe it’s someone from his bio family- maybe it’s (character)!”

Btw, in this Eryn is absolutely his old foster brother- they still text occasionally. Idk if i’d put it in the fic or not i just think that’d be fun.

Anyway, ⅔ into the fic, a lot of issues have been dealt with- but oh? The fic isn’t over?

Boom bitch, guess who’s really into discduo?

I want you to picture this. You are Wilbur Soot. You have a father (who was once just your godfather, before everything went to shit, but it is his title and he wears it with pride and love that makes your chest feel warm) and one- tentatively two- brothers. The older one can be violent and weird, but you love him not just despite but because of everything that makes him different. The younger one only came into your life a month or so back- but he has so quickly integrated himself into your life, borrowed his way into your heart, that it feels like it’s been longer. You’ve had your issues, but you feel like you’re close, like your family is just as loved and broken and beautiful as it should be.

 You awaken one day to find that your new little brother seems to be slightly buzzing in his seat at the breakfast table. He is texting someone on his phone and, despite the early hour, is exceedingly awake. He does not answer you when you ask him why in the goddamn hell he is vibrating out of his skin. You shrug this off and try to chug enough coffee to make your brain work.

 There is nothing odd on the way to school, and the only new interesting thing that seems to be happening once classes start is your other brother texting you about his “annoying new student”. you’d be concerned, but your brother also told you once that he got annoyed by people breathing, so you assume that the new kid’s only fault is probably the sole act of existing.

 Finally, it is time to leave the school. Your pink brother is still complaining, quite uncharacteristically, about the new kid, who he points out as the one in a white facemask and annoyingly neon green hoodie. You hear a shriek of what you assume is delight, that quite alarmingly is coming from the blonde gremlin you call brother. The red-and-white blur that passes you also seems to be him, and you see that you were right upon seeing him stop his momentum by violently tackling new kid to the ground. 

 Let’s take a minute to run that again. Your brother. The “Don’t touch me” kid. The “flinches every time anyone not Tubbo or Ranboo gets too close” kid. The “for the love of Prime, if you get too close i Will bite” kid.

Is currently hugging new kid to death on the ground a few meters away.

 Your name is Wilbur Soot, and you haven’t felt this confused since you learned of the existence of anteaters at the tender age of six. 

[spoondrifts]

I just came up with something fucking hilarious please keep reading

what if the magnus institute had spirit week???

a single week where the dress code doesn't apply (as if it applies to the archival staff anyway) to everyone in the institute. a single week of absolute chaos.

(idk if england even has spirit week but we have it here in america so)

the first day of spirit week is pajama day. Jon comes in with just an old band t shirt because he really hates spirit week and will only slightly participate to keep Tim from harassing him all day. Tim is wearing a full panda onesie. Daisy and Basira have matching slippers. Melanie has a bunch of ghost hunt uk merch on. Martin has normal pajamas. no one expects Elias to participate but then their boss waltzes into work wearing a onesie covered in eyes and slippers with little ships on them, and Tim is affronted.

"Tim," Jon says tiredly, "please don't turn this into a competition."

Tim is, in fact, turning it into a competition.

the next day is 80s fashion, which means Tim comes in wearing ray bans and a fanny pack and a jean jacket and is confident he's won this round, when Elias comes in wearing shit like this:

and Tim almost loses it. almost.

everyone else realizes it's funnier to watch the ensuing drama than actually try to dress up for spirit week themselves. Jon, relieved that the pressure is off of him, returns to his sweater vests.

wednesday's theme is colorful. Tim wears a shirt covered in rainbows, some weird baggy pants that are a painful neon green and printed with vibrant palm trees, rainbow socks, and white shoes that he splatters with violent pink and yellow paint. he's sitting at his desk, smug as hell, and everyone is actually doubting Elias' ability to match Tim, until Martin runs into the archives and says, shaken, "Elias is here."

Tim's jaw falls open.

Elias' hair is dyed bright blue. scattered on every patch of visible skin are painted green eyes. his suit is so pink it hurts to look at. his tie is covered in purple and orange stripes that clash horrifically. his dark blue pants are absolutely covered in glow-in-the-dark spiral patterns. his shoes glow and pulse with rainbow lights as he walks. and to top everything off, he has a full-body rainbow cape draped over his shoulders.

the archival staff can only gawk in faint terror.

"Good morning," Elias says, then turns and walks into his office.

oh boy. ohoh. Tim cannot let this injustice stand. he will reign triumphant and Elias will fall into ruin, crushed beneath Tim's raw fashion sense. it's a flawless goal. Jon quietly dumps thirty sugar packets into his tea.

for thursday, the theme is twins, which requires a partner.

"No," Jon, Basira, Martin, and Daisy say at the same time.

"Fuck yeah," Melanie says.

Tim doesn't think Elias even has anyone to match with, but he's still not taking any chances. he and Melanie end up wearing clout glasses, fluffy pink boas, and matching What the Ghost merchandise.

"Who's Elias matching with?" Tim asks at work on thursday.

Jon looks pained. "You'll see."

Elias struts into work hanging off of Peter Lukas' arm, and they are identical. they're both in full sea captain gear, with matching hats and badges and even shoe brand. they both have wedding rings on their hands. somehow, against literally everything, Elias had gotten Peter to shave his beard and style his hair to perfectly match Elias'. Tim wants to scream.

"This is my husband," Elias says, not a flicker of emotion on his face. "Peter, won't you say hi?"

Peter looks uncomfortable and miserable and Tim feels a sharp stab of satisfaction. then, apparently having served his purpose of antagonizing Tim, Peter hastily says goodbye and vanishes into thin air.

Tim is. very VERY close to giving up.

but it's friday and he has one last chance. friday is meme day.

"Elias doesn't even know what memes are," Tim stresses, a manic note in his voice, as Martin absently nods along. "He's an old man! He's got no clue!"

Martin politely does not bring up the fact that Jon looks older than Elias and still knows what a meme is.

friday goes like this

Tim, on a skateboard, rolling around the institute: I don't know what the fuck just happened, but I don't really care, I'mma get the fuck up outta here, fuck this shit I'm out

Tim: wait what the fuck

Elias, a piece of paper with the words 'barbecue sauce' on it taped to his chest, smug: so I'm standing there, barbecue sauce on my titties

Tim: WHAT THE FUCK

Daisy, lifting Jon above her head effortlessly: thiS BITCH EMPTY-

Jon, screaming: I did not consent to the yeet

Melanie, filming: this is going on the official institute website

(anyway. elias used his beholding powers to know exactly how to piss tim off every single day. the eye revokes his avatarship for several weeks after this debacle and the institute no longer has a spirit week)

[rielzero]

I feel different about Twitter than I do about Tumblr

There’s something about twitter that just makes it feel- more violent and unsafe. I really enjoy my time on tumblr so far. No negativity, no people being rude. I really like blogging and posts that are just, like a diary y’know? Something about twitter makes me want to clean out old tweets just to be safe. And some of those tweets I really like.. So Maybe I should save some tweets and post them here instead, where I feel much safer and happier.

Screenshots I mean, also- as always. Posts are time relevant, coincidences are a thing. I’d never post about something in vague reference to something offensive intentionally- if anything I can be dumb and ignorant like any person. That’s part of being human. Here’s an example of a tweet I’ll delete off my alt twitter, but I do like the tweet cuz its about an IRL life achievement.

The reason I’m deleting it off twitter is- Something about twitter makes you think- when is someone going to comment on this and be rude about how the food looks- or What if someone is offended because there’s no vegetables? (to quickly explain veggies- I unfortunately have food trauma which makes it difficult for me to eat or cook veggies without having panic attacks or becoming sick. I don’t want to elaborate on it further, its a work in progress.) Like, you can’t keep an active history of tweets on twitter without fearing some hate-mob will one day find it, take it out of context, and use it as a way to hurt you. It’s literally an innocent tweet about me trying to cook something new for myself, because I don’t know that many recipes and I want to explore the topic on my own. The whole paranoia around cancel culture makes it feel like the most innocent tweet like this, a genuine happy moment that I posted about- will one day be used against me for something really dumb to try and accuse me of being terrible. The anxiety for that part of twitter is real. I am still practicing cooking different types of chicken dishes. It’s sounds really dumb to be anxious about a post like this being somehow a threat in the future just because someone can take it out of context or draw some context that does not exist from it and make up some story. It’s just noodles, chicken, and kroepoek (I don’t know the english name for the chips, I’m sorry!) So maybe I’ll just post here some tweets that I like- ones that made me happy. Like, a memorybook, and explain the context behind them. Idk, I just feel safer when they’re not up on twitter after a while. Is that weird? I’ve seen too much drama over really oddly normal things spiral on twitter, maybe its just the people that use that platform that hold a lot of social power? IDK. Anyway, wooh chicken tastes great!!