#time to clean the hizzy

[msexcelfractal]

Mixing drugs too obscure for the interaction checkedr. If I quit posting after today, you'll know that you can't do fly agaric, kratom and sabroxy together. Man, I'm fuckin wired!

[rhaenizziettie]

Legacies 1x01 Rewatch

NO THE OPENING HAS TAKEN ME OUT. IT'S TOO SOON. HER LITTLE HERO AND VILLAIN SPEECH AND KNOWING ALL THAT COMES WITH THAT MOTIF LATER IS TOO MUCH.

She should've sprinkled a little "love and hate" in that speech honestly. The Hizzie edits would've slapped.

Everyday I wish we got more of Landon and Rafael's foster life. Like there was so much there to unpack and they never did.

Playing Halsey in the first five minutes. I was doomed to obsess over this show from the start.

The way we never got answers on whether that priest knew about werewolves and that's why he wanted to see him at the rise of the full moon or if it was coincidence or if that priest actually was a witch. Imagine if he came back.

HE USED TO SERVE ME MILKSHAKES I WAS NOT PREPARED I KNEW IT

"More like despair" 😭😭😭 Sorry but all her poking gets funnier on the rewatch knowing she had a crush on Hope the whole time

Truly wish we got to see more of the classes at this SCHOOL. Like we saw three??? And none of them had any substance???

"Before your hairier breatheren corrupted you" Sorry but I wanted the witches' distaste for the wolves to be addressed and honestly Tribrid Hope could've been the uniter of the kingdoms

"Talking about her gives her power." You say all that but then you bitch about people NOT talking about her later

Aww. I always forget when Josie used to just be a softy stoner witch. They should've kept that characterization.

Bisexually, we should've gotten to see Rafael throw that lawn mower through the patio doors

BABY HOPEG MY HEART IT THUMPS

"Take it from a guy named Alaric, I get it" 😭😭😭 Guarantee that Lizzie's "just be MG" speech from his tour was Alaric's "just be Ric" speech

You're telling me Landon worked at the Grill in MYSTIC FALLS and never encountered a vampire who tried to compel him before MG? I call bullshit.

"I'm not so good with small spaces" and all I'm thinking about is how he crawled through the air vents to save everyone in 1x11

Alyssa Chang made a broom fly in Physics. YEAH SHE DID.

"It's not a competition" I mean yeah that's fair because Josie was the only one competing in the competition in her mind but still ... she very much viewed it as a competition ...

"We don't mention her name anymore." Josie a week later:

"That was my inside voice" 😭😭😭 Now I'm dying imagining Caroline and Alaric telling Lizzie that sometimes, your thoughts are not meant to be spoken out loud because that is your inside voice after she insults someone on accident

"Hot, angry, damaged ..." So Hope Mikaelson? God the signs were there from the start and I MISSED them like a FOOL

"You're getting a little old for me to breaking your human bones." Don't worry, Hope. You do eventually.

"I don't have things" and meanwhile Jed is the only one in that school who didn't have a crush on Hope at some point. YOU may not have things, ma'am, but people definitely have things for you.

"I don't tell you to go out and fraternize with the human locals." ... isn't that LITERALLY what you tell them to do in the NEXT episode???

"Attempt to make an actual friend here and we can reevaluate" "I tried to be her friend and she never makes any effort" Oh yeah, "I want you to do anything for each other" is making so much sense now. The signs were all there.

ClEaN uP oN aIsLe L. Was it so hard to be like "Hey, my sister - your DAUGHTER - is having a mental health episode. Help?" Also, it's not like Hope doesn't know about her episodes. Josie already told the whole school five years ago.

Also I love that they put Josie immediately running to Alaric to help Lizzie in the very first episode and then have Josie claim she did everything to help and have Lizzie claim that Alaric wasn't around. LIKE YES MISS MIKAELSON, IT DOES DEPEND ON WHO IS TELLING THE STORY.

THE MOMENT I FELL IN LOVE WITH LIZZIE. I have long since gotten better with it, but I too used to want to destroy kitchens or [redacted] myself every time I messed up a social interaction and seeing that on screen absolutely blew my mind.

Throwback to the first time I watched Legacies and had NOT finished TVD or TO yet. Had no clue what Handon was talking about but I was still melting.

Why did we never see summoning spells come back up? Like?? That could've been so useful???

Josie out at a party while Lizzie sits inside recovering from her episode. Hmm. Tell me again which one Lizzie's disorder affects more.

Yeah, everyone's endings in 4x20 suck but RAFAEL'S EARLY ENDING IS CUTTING EXTRA DEEP WHEN ALL HE'S EVER TALKED ABOUT IS HOW MUCH HE BELONGS WITH LANDON AND AT THAT SCHOOL AND HOW BOTH GOT YANKED AWAY IN HIS "HEAVEN"

"I could just whip up a remedy with herbs from the bio lab" Wonder where she got the idea that there's a magic fix for her disorder from

"Do you think I'm broken?" 🥺🥺🥺 My baby girl

"Josie doesn't have freakouts." Don't worry, she does. She's just hiding them for now. She'll kill you one day though. Just for funsies. You're doing just fine, all things considered.

"She spends a lot of time worrying about other people's happiness." You mean how she can take it away or ...?

WHY DIDN'T WE EVER GET TO HEAR ABOUT THE ORIGINAL SALTZMAN CODEPENDENCY. LIKE NOT EVEN IN TVD?? WHAT DOES THAT LINE MEAN???

"I don't ever want to hurt anybody." "Maybe you'll finally understand if you have blood on your hands too." OHHHHHHH

HOPE AND LIZZIE MADE FRIENDS AND WE STILL NEVER SAW A GROUP TRAINING. I WAS ROBBED. ROBBED I SAY.

I TRIED TO BE HER FRIEND. God, they should just make a "Young Salvatore School" spin off. I'd watch all that play out between TO and Legacies.

"Everyone in here has lost something." WAIT BECAUSE I JUST REALIZED SHE'S NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT HERSELF AND JOSIE. SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ALL THE OTHER STUDENTS NOT GETTING THE SAME SPECIAL TREATMENT DESPITE ALL OF THEM GOING THROUGH TRAUMA TO END UP THERE.

"Speak of the actual devil." Lizzie, haven't you met the ACTUAL actual devil??

"I'm missing a party??" THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING LIZZIE.

POSIE CRUMBS POSIE CRUMBS POSIE CRUMBS

The fact that MG stopped talking about vampire stories is so sad. He should've kept that with his comic obsession.

"I'm not saying that y'all should kill your moms because that's messed up." I'll say it: MG should've gotten to kill his mom. Actually, did none of that come up again??? She works for Triad and he just moves on????

The way Rafael was an athlete yet he never played in the football episodes ...

ACTUALLY THE WAY WE NEVER GOT A S3 OR S4 FOOTBALL EPISODE AFTER J*LIE SAID THERE'D BE ONE EVERY SEASON

"I care too much. It's kind of a problem." I mean technically she did not lie but she also did not mention that the caring in question was about herself and about what she thought everyone else owed her.

ROSIE SHOULD'VE HAPPENED AND I STAND BY THAT. THEY WERE NOT ENDGAME MATERIAL AND RAFAEL DESERVED BETTER BUT MY GOD I STILL WANTED TO SEE IT HAPPEN.

Legacies S1 aesthetics >>> any of the other seasons'

That wolf Hope and Landon in the woods scene is just 🤌🤌🤌

HANDON LIBRARY SCENE HANDON LIBRARY SCENE

"I'm a lot of things." "Care to elaborate?" "Bisexual."

I lowkey forgot about the Pizzie (Menelope? PenelopeG?) kiss

"I'm offering to rock your world right now." So like ... did Penelope actually like MG? Was she just looking to get laid? Was she doing it because she knows he likes Lizzie?

Sorry but PosieG might be rising as my second favorite throuple (sorry Fosie)

The S1 Penelope-kissing-MG and Josie-being-jealous-over-MG's-romances is just too good

"Last I checked you were more into girls." Yikes MG.

"I am an equal opportunity evil temptress." Bisexual Penelope for the win.

Wait - do you guys think Penelope was the one to help Josie figure out her sexuality? Do you think Josie was the one who helped Penelope?? Where's the fics, Posies???

"Your binary assumptions about sexuality are dated." And here's how MG's bi realization comes about because he knows he likes girls but he thinks because he likes girls, he can't like guys and then Ethan and -

Josie getting jealous seeing MG and Penelope kissing AND THE WAY IT COULD GO EITHER WAY.

"Klaus Mikaelson: The Great Evil." "He wasn't very popular around here." Look, Hope, I love you and I love your relationship with your dad BUT MY GOD IT WAS FOR A REASON. HE LITERALLY WAS EVIL.

"I try not to get close to people anymore." "We thought you hated us." "That's what we do when we're scared - we push people away." Mmm hmm. Just inject the good stuff straight into my veins.

A UNICORN. THE FACT THAT SHE GOT PANCAKES ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY AND NOT A STUFFED UNICORN IS ACTUALLY ILLEGAL.

"Forget about her. Focus on somebody new." Oh I need to use this in a Finsie edit real bad.

"I'm setting my sights on Rafael." LIZZIE YOU DON'T JUST PICK A GUY TO CRUSH ON BECAUSE HE'S THERE. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO MEN. BABY, IF YOU HAVE TO ARBITRARILY DECIDE TO CRUSH ON HIM, YOU'RE JUST NOT INTO HIM.

WE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN HANDON WATCHING THE STARS LATER TO PARALLEL THE CELLAR SCENE

"You are a really nice person, Hope Mikaelson." "Why were you so mean to me?" Oh the Handizzie ... I feel faint ...

"Is this the part where you run?" I just think Landon has a thing for girls who run away.

"I'm not going to remember any of this, am I?" "Probably not." AND IT'S NOT THE COMPULSION THAT MAKES HIM FORGET BUT HOPE JUMPING INTO MALIVORE THAT DOES. OH MY GOD.

"It's just not safe for you here." And then MG kills him and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies AND THEN HE DIES FOR GOOD AND THEN HE'S THE GOD OF DEATH.

"All you gotta do is go home." MG ... sweetie ... he doesn't have a home ...

HOPE TOUCHING HER LIPS REMEMBERING THAT KISS OH I KNOW IT WAS SO GOOD FOR HER

"There's no way that the one time I get close to someone, they turned out to be a liar. It's not possible. I'm not that stupid." Let me give you a hug

I, for one, do not think they did enough plots about the threat of being exposed

"She puts those sex herbs in her weed, and I had a momentary lapse in judgement." No because I don't think we talk enough about MG straight up accusing Penelope of roofie-ing and assaulting him.

"Why does everyone find her so special?" Why do YOU find her so special Miss Saltzman? Hmm?

"She's not special. She's just ... available." OOF. I DID NOT REMEMBER MG SAYING THAT. THAT IS SO NASTY.

Maybe 1x01 MG and 4x20 MG ARE the same dude.

"Don't hate me, okay?" "What if I'm incapable of love?" Oh the good stuff could've been there.

Local Pyromaniac Lights Ex On Fire

"Are you blackmailing me?" Yes, she is.

Hope's little "sorry" to the mouse 🥺🥺🥺 You're telling me she's gonna become a killer someday? Hmm.

"Turns out, Landon isn't the hero of my story at all." Turns out, Hope's not the real villain in Lizzie's story.

"But when I hunt him down, I'm gonna be the villain of his." Hope, you were apologizing to a rat a few hours ago. I need you to be realistic in your goals.

[sweetie-sire]

Ayo i wrote some hizzie garbage 🗑 im both sleep deprived and tired of life so whatevr have at it wolves.

Its not good so lol but this tag is dead af so idk

Also dodie is sad af

~i can finally see ~

"I dont understand how you always manage to choose her side josie" im enraged beyond what i thought i could ever possibly be and my naive idiot little sister doesnt manage to get it through her thick little skull. Mikaelson is gone.

"No lizzie YOU dont understand, shes just lost she needs us now more than ever! How can you not see that?!" Shes been at this for the past 20 minutes and quite frankly its getting old.

"Jo, all i see is our dearest dad finally finding out the prodigal daughter is just an evil coniving bitch" i see josie flinch at the dry humor but i no longer care.

~youre as fucked up as me~

Josie gets up and walks out of the room, before she exits she turns to me "I get that youre hurt lizzie but you need to remember why hope even resorted to this in the first place. She gave up her life and landons life just to make sure everyone else would be ok." I can see that bringing up landon hurts my sister there are tears in her eyes and im so tired of everyone bringing up deceased bird boy, since he will probably just find a way to come back anyway.

"Yeah well maybe we can go ask dad if we should forgive hope then!" I yell but shes already left and my snark is useless and i feel so frustrated i could tear my hair out.

~so how do we win?~

Josie has once again taken upon herself to go chasing after our long lost tribrid trying to find a way to help her or whatever. I know just the way to help hope.

Cleo sowande is my very own personal hero right now.

~brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth~

Im driving from dead end to dead end and all i can manage to think about is hopes stupid evil "im a Mikaelson fear me" face and scoff

The balls on this bitch.

I pull up on a trail i picked up and the feeling of this dive bar is more unsettling than the last. I walk in and instantly feel the need to relieve my stomach of its contents.

Theres body parts and blood everywhere. Some guys head chopped off by a pool table. Brutal i dont even know how nobody has been in here to clean up the mess. Oh a concealment spell nice to know she cares about some things i guess. She could have at least lit the place on fire.

~im sick of losing soulmates so where do we begin?~

"Why would i burn my own room down Lizzie"

"With my family history im not exactly immune to those issues. I would never say that stuff about you"

I scoff remembering that and for some reason the back of my throat feels tight.

Josie may be right she might need help, but i cant find it in me to see the same girl thats understanding and i have grown to begrudgingly tolerate to be the one leaving a trail of bodies up and down the coast.

She mauled my dad whats stopping her from doing the same to the rest of us.

And i might have grown to love her too but josie is too soft to do what needs to be done.

Someone has to stop her.

~time and hearts will wear us thin so which path will you take~

I dont know what the fuck possessed me to say that idiocy. Impending death? Minute insanity? I can see the little gears in her tiny evil head turning

Theres a spark of someone i used to know flicker through her eyes.

And i see it the moment the hurt flashes in her mind what she went through to get to this point. I see her intent

The resolve. To end me. What did i expect?

Some sick twisted voice in my head tells me to keep going and see if i can reach her.

I slowly try to approach her and my voice is cracking i dont even know what im saying anymore

I see it in her eyes whatever hope was left is gone

Ironic

Before she has a chance to snap and as soon as i feel her hands wrap around my neck i rush forward

I close my eyes and say fuck it.

God i must really be crazy.

Her lips are unmoving but still soft i must have caught her by surprise because im still alive so i press on and i can feel her reciprocrate for a second and theres relief in my heart that maybe this will all turn out ok. Due to an unconsensual kiss of all fucking things.

Its something i never really considered doing while i was on my way here but minute insanity must have won over my fried brain.

I sigh as i feel soft hands tighten around my neck and it all goes black

Thats going to be one awkward as fuck conversation when she realizes im not actually dead.

Whatever serves her right.

*insert dodie lyric cuz im cant be bothered to do it*

+ lizzie wakes up and is super cool about it while hope is a crying mess on the floor cuz she killed this bombshell and sassy lizzie is everything.

[supercorp-hosie]

Discussion: is Hosie more of a supportive relationship or a toxic one?

While we all agree that Hope and Josie can sometimes be shitty, disrespectful, and manipulative to each other, I think that they are mostly supportive to each other. There are some people that think the opposite and conclude that Hosie is toxic. While I don't have problem with people shipping toxic ships too, I genuinely think that Hosie is mostly healthy for each other. To get a hold whether Hosie is supportive or toxic, I make this list of all Hosie interactions/scenes up to 3x13, which can be categorised as supportive or shitty that I can remember along with some of my thoughts. If you don't agree with me or forgot something, feel free to remind me or discuss them!

Thank you for making me feel the need to make this list. @legacies-supremacy

Thank you for helping me with some of the points. @dreamerdiving

The definition of toxic relationship is: “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”

I marked those interactions/scenes that is harmful to Hosie in red so we can see it easily.

1. Josie burn down Hope’s room, without apologising

2. Josie made up stories about Hope calling Lizzie witch bipolar

3. Hope and Josie do dark magic together (hope ask for help, kindred spirit in revenge)

4. Hope stand up to Lizzie for Josie, while Lizzie threw Josie under the bus

5. Hope protected Josie by not telling Emma Josie being the one using dark magic with Hope

6. The scene where they pick trash, they connected really fast. It’s shown that they can have good communications between them.

7. Josie pays her respects to Hayley in front of Hope. It means a lot to Hope because she values her family.

8. Hope encourage Josie to voice up, fight for the things she desires. Josie helps Hope on her poked-herself situation.

9. They fought the first monster ever IN THE SCHOOL together. (Hope calls Josie to help, and Josie immediately do so)

10. Fight the spider-like monster together along with Lizzie.

11. The necklace that Hope gave Josie, make quiet things heard.

12. Hope, MG, Penelope save Josie together. Hope is very anxious (maybe more anxious than Penelope seems?), the necklace worked.

13. AU where Hope doesn’t exist, Josie dies.

14. AU where both of them straight up flirting, Hope comes to bring the Saltzmans to the Mikaelsons Boarding School, giving the twins a place to use and improve their magic freely. And mostly like cleans up the mess of Lizzie’s outburst (no blaming here).

15. When Hope was on slug, Josie is the first to suspect that she’s on happy pill, which is very close to the fact. While Landon and RAF see that she’s very happy but don’t think much of it, because they were new to her (no blaming). Landon sees that she’s very happy, said something like, you’re happy for first time ever?

16. Hope tell Josie to let her know if Josie needs someone to “take care” of Penelope.

17. Talent show: hope looks very happy and cheers for Josie when she sings (overly happy maybe because of slug)

18. Josie lets Hope sleep on her shoulder.

19. Josie does not come clean when Hizzie is fighting each other on “Hope telling the school Lizzie is witch bipolar” and “burn her room down to interfere with Saltzmans road trip”.

20. Josie finally come clean about burning Hope’s room and made up stories that causes Hizzie's rivalry, but Hope only cares about the crush. It can be said that Hope is very forgiving for Josie. - *smiles* you had a crush on me? (I mean, girl, she burned down your room)

21. Mystic fall pageant: Josie worries about Hope feelings when Hope finds out about the dress was from Klaus

22. When Josie distances herself from Lizzie after knowing about the merge from Penelope, Lizzie asks Hope to help make the food Josie likes the most. So it’s canon that Hope can actually make Josie’s favourite food? The attempts Hope made to repair the twins relationship show that Hope care for both of the twins.

23. Josie doesn’t want to interact with Hope either.

(May have forgotten hosie scene)

24. Triad: super squad team up, they help each other to save the school, it seems like when Hope says she has more backup, Josie is the one looks like leading them in.

25. Hope caught a bullet for Josie while Josie caught one for Lizzie as Lizzie was trying to catch them for Josie too.

26. Josie encourages Hope for hero time rather than staying by her side.

27. Hope only realised that she caught a bullet for Josie when Alaric asked about the hole on her sleeves. That leads to her knowledge on her blood can save Josie as well as herself being the loophole for Malivore. She tells Alaric to give Josie vial of her blood. (According to some fans, Stefan said that blood sharing is very personal.)

28. Josie is very confident that Hope will make it back to them, and urges Kaleb to have faith in Hope.

29. When Hope jumps into Malivore, something came over Josie, she feels most of the impact (maybe because Landon is dead at the moment)

30. Hope didn’t want to return to school because she sees that both Landon and Josie are very happy. She wants them to be happy.

31. While Josie is being jealous and hostile to Hope, she feels that there’s something off about Hope in her, not only jealousy.

32. Oni episode: Josie continues to be hostile to Hope because of her jealousy.

33. Hope as a badass tribrid, miraculously does not beat or intimidate or threaten Josie because of her hostility, whereas when other people do it, there will probably be consequences.

34. Josie is the one to seek Freya for the dark magic to bring back everyone’s memories.

35. Josie hit Freya using the newly-learned dark magic. Freya said something like even that spell is very powerful for a Mikaelson witch, meaning that the spell can have some strong effects on her. When Josie is questioned whether she knows what to do with the magic, in panic she hit Freya with this magic and run. It means that whether or not Josie choose to bring those memories back herself, there will surely be someone to bring them back when Josie opted not to do it. Even so, it’s Josie that contributed to bringing back people’s memories of Hope, or else Freya can never do it for Hope if the circumstances required her to do so.

36. If Josie is to bring back everyone’s memories, she knows that she will be the one that will be left behind and will be the second choice. She’s the one that will be badly affected, but she knows that she needs to do it, and calls Caroline to encourage her to do the right thing. (Or else why call? What kind of parents will encourage their child to do otherwise.)

37. Josie brings back everyone’s memories of Hope and save Hope and Lizzie from the Croatian.

38. Hope cares about Josie’s feeling to ask whether Josie is okay with Hope staying in the school. She is willing to leave the school for Josie.

39. Despite knowing that seeing Hope hurts a lot, Josie tells Hope to stay, and assure Hope that she belongs with them. For Josie, NO MATTER how much it hurts, she WANTS Hope ENOUGH to let her STAY, as Hope belongs with them. It’s what Hope wants: people thinking she’s worth staying for. It means that NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, she hope that there’s still someone that WANTS HER ENOUGH to STAY for her.

40. Along with the previous point, it’s important to know that Josie tells Hope to stay after SimuLandon told Hope that Landon can’t tell her to stay (the same day as Landon chose to leave the girls). It assures Hope a lot.

41. Landon being a dick(sorry) to breakup with Josie and then immediately restarts a relationship with Hope (disrespect of Jandon relationship, it’s like an opposite of what he said to Josie). Hope being a bitch(sorry) by immediately accept the restart of Handon, disregarding it’s a fresh breakup for Jandon and Josie.

42. Josie avoids Hope because it hurts to see Handon immediately lovey dovey.

43. Santa episode: Hope is the one that handles Krampus-affected Josie when she tells Lizzie to run. Either the Josie being near to Lizzie will affect Lizzie, or Hope just want some time with Josie? For the former part, Hope protecting Lizzie also contributes to supporting Josie.

44. Hope actively seeks out Josie and helps Josie with the mora miserium - placing a protective barrier on it.

45. They confide in each other when they put a protective barrier on the mora miserium. They reveal their dark sides and weaknesses. They support each other verbally. (Hope reveal her jealousy towards Jandon, Josie asked Hope why Clarke chooses her, Hope said that it’s because Josie is a strong and trusting person, etc.)

46. In the Qareem/Wade-is-fairy episode, when Landon died, Hope protects the mora miserium first and passes it to Josie before going to Landon. (It’s a logical thing to do tho, Landon’s death can’t be undo but Hope can prevent Josie from going dark)

47. Hope go to the twins for comfort after her fight with Landon.

48. First therapy box episode: Hope comforts Josie after they come out from it.

49. People in numbers(the Saltzmans including Josie) vs Landon: Hope chose to save people in numbers which includes Josie, instead of saving Landon. (Prison world incident)

50. When Hope astral project into the prison world, Josie is the only one that can communicate with Hope because of the dark magic. It helped to save people and Josie herself in the prison world.

51. People in numbers (the whole school) vs Josie: Hope refuses to kill Josie when basically everyone is ready to kill Josie to save the school(including Alaric). (Lizzie is running away? Understandable tho, her life is in danger) Hope shuts Alaric and Kaleb in the therapy box to prevent them from killing Josie.

52. Dark Josie with Hope in the ring: they weren’t really putting effort in fighting each other before both of them call each other out.

53. I don’t think she even likes you - what’s the point of saying that when it is commonly known between Hope and Josie? So it must mean the opposite(which is Josie likes Hope) and solely to hurt Hope.

54. Josie, fight! - Hope can bring out the true Josie in dark Josie.

55. Dark Josie is agitated when Hope can really bring true Josie out. Maybe it’s because of losing control. But my clownness suggests that can also be a thing that both true and dark Josie do not want to reveal at all - that Hope weighs heavily in Josie’s heart.

56. Dark Josie is ready to kill Hope after Hope brought the true Josie out for seconds.

57. Hope goes into Josie’s subconscious to save her.

58. The actually-consensual kiss: when the pig tell Hope to try kissing Sleeping Josie, Hope respects Josie’s boundaries. But Hope never says that she is against kissing Josie at all because she now does not see her that way at all. = Hope will totally kiss Josie if the circumstances are right with a consent.

59. In Josie’s mind, true Josie really doesn't want to hurt Hope and urge her to leave before it’s too late.

60. Hope encourages Josie to trust herself with her power, that she is good and strong.

61. Dark Josie petrified Hope in Josie’s subconscious.

62. Josie did heed Hope’s words, she believes that Hope is good and strong.

63. Josie defends Hope by calling Landon out on him leaving Hope twice, and he doesn’t actually believe in not giving up love no matter what.

64. After Hope and Landon comes out from Malivore and the prison world, and Landon turns into goo after the unsafe intercourse (probably not using condom considering the result, there must be sexually fluid exchanged), Hope goes directly to the principal office and explains the situation, Josie is first to believe in Hope and is willing to teach her the spell.

65. When Hope’s Therapy-Box Ethan tells Hope that sometimes the right person for her is right in front of her. I think that it’s Hope’s subconscious of him promoting himself initially. But really, Hethan interactions are so little for me to really believe that Hope’s subconscious of the right person is referring him for that. So when Josie turns up next....(I’m clowning, but it means that Hope subconscious thinks that Josie is the right person, talk about faith.)

66. Hope believes that Josie wants Hope to be safe: Hope’s Therapy-Box Josie ants Hope to come with her? It means that Hope knows that Josie will want Hope to be safe with her together. To relate it more to the problem about Hope thinks that Josie runs away from problem and Hope solves them, it also means that a part of Hope wants to not face all these problems too. So part of her is constructing this scene to provide her an option, with Josie.

67. Josie is the only one Hope attempted to save in the therapy box.

68. Josie doesn’t help Hope grieves after Landon turned into goo. (to which I resent the writer’s effort in sabotaging Hosie in the show starting season 3 to make sure they sit right in the “not queerbaiting“ section. It doesn’t make sense that Hosie doesn’t interact at all.)

69. 3x08: Josie wants to help in finding Landon. No matter the motives, she wants to help, and the final results benefit Hope and Landon, not Josie.

70. I don’t need to deal with both Saltzman twins right now - Hope disrespects both twins.

71. Hope gaslights Josie to go help her postponing her date with Finch.

72. Josie believes in Hope too much to fall for her lies when Hope is apparently desperate. (Maybe that’s why Finch call Hope five feet of trouble, or we should believe that Finch is threaten by Hope or angry at Hope out of the blue?) - Hope is Josie’s blindspot too.

73. Josie is upset that Finch will hate her, but doesn’t seem angry about Hope lying( I’m thinking about “you have a crush on me?”, but it can also be understood as Hope lying doesn’t hurt her at all. If this is the case, then Hope = nothing in Josie’s heart, is this true though?)

74. Hope says that she would be there if Josie is to fall into her dark side again even though she believes that Josie is strong enough to withstand it herself. (It’s still manipulation even though Hope means it, right? Don’t want to romanticise manipulation.)

75. Hope guilt trip Josie about Landon and the prison world.

76. Hope thinks that she need more convincing work on Josie after the guilt trip. But Josie surprises her by not needing any further convincing. It seems that her concerns it’s never the danger she could face from the prison world for saving Landon. It’s about the risks of losing herself again by taking her magic back. Both of them don’t know that the ascendant is full of dark magic.

77. Hope tells Lizzie to hold on when they discover that the ascendant is filled with dark magic and according to Josie before that, “you’re going to die”.  

78. Josie steps in for Hope and Lizzie.

79. Hope only realised and apologised when she sees Josie with dark magic and in pain. (It shows the importance of Josie in Hope’s heart, but I think it’s very late so……)

80. When Josie, Landon, Wade ran into the kitchen from Berbelang!Hope, Josie and perfect Landon are in sync in saving Hope. It either means Jandon is very very low-key still a thing, or Josie and perfect Landon actually cares as much as each other cares for Hope. (And perfect Landon is made to love Hope, so if Josie show as much care as perfect Landon for Hope....)

81. Again, why do I care? - Josie: “Because I do!”

82. Josie embrace her magic entirely for Hope and to save Hope.

83. If the definition of true love is like what Wade says, like Landon would never hurt Hope, then we can see Josie is reluctant to hurt Hope either. She wants to consider it carefully before really plunge the knife into Hope’s heart. (But perfect Landon did it, as an outsider I think we agree that’s actually the right call? It’s just too soon when you basically have an hour to think carefully, maybe Cleo can control perfect Landon, so when she got the chance she makes perfect Landon to do it?)

84. Hope apologises for pressuring Josie into taking back her magic twice. Josie give credits to Hope’s words of her and her magic. Hope is very happy for Josie.

85. Hope wants Josie back in the school. It means that she thinks Josie is belonged to the school as how Josie think of Hope previously.

To sum them up, we have 18/85 of Hosie interactions/scenes where they are disrespect of each other, undermining, manipulating, and lying to each other. However, as we can see mostly they are supportive of each other, having good communications, and saving each other’s lives.

[lizzie-saltzman]

I’LL CRAWL HOME TO YOU

A Hizzie fanfiction / update

Pairing: Hope Mikaelson/Lizzie Saltzman Fandom: Legacies Rating: M Chapters: 2/? Summary:  In many ways, meeting Hope in a different reality had helped Lizzie put things in perspective, and perhaps even understand her in ways she hadn’t before. Understand them, their connection, the palpable animosity that had turned into a reluctant friendship and now something far more tangible. The rest, well, she doesn’t tell Josie. Not about waking up after three weeks away from her real home, tucked under the covers of Hope’s bed with their clothes discarded around the dormitory, with a light sheen of sweat on her forehead and her hair sticking to her cheekbones. There were some things better left unsaid. (Upon her return from an alternate timeline a Malivore monster teleported her to, Lizzie must deal with the aftermath of her time spent away, and her newly doormat feelings for Hope Mikaelson.)

chapter 1 here

READ CH. 2 HERE ON AO3 or under the read more 

[ 3 WEEKS AGO ]

A muddy splash sends speckles of murky water coating a pair of white boots. Under the full moon, an owl hoots, as Lizzie Saltzman breaks through the branches that leave a bloody mark on her left cheek. She reaches for it, with a mumbled expletive as her breathing grows heavier and her knees start to give. Behind her, a black wolf with yellow tinted eyes that shine through the darkness of the woods gives chase, snarling as it draws closer to her. 

She’s been sprinting for a while; Lizzie’s exhausted, pushing past the burn on her thighs as she rounds a corner and leaps over a log dangerously set on the ground, almost losing her balance as her boot skids through the mud. Its drizzling, her clothes are weighing her down, her hair is ruined – if she had the mind to complain about the other terrible but insignificant, personal circumstances, she’d be holding an ice pack to her cheek and ranting over a Strawberry Smoothie. Instead, she finds herself here, in the outskirts of the woods in Mystic Falls, barely managing to get on her feet before the wolf catches up to her. 

“Lecutio!” She’s all out of magic after –– the ball of energy flies ahead of the wolf and crashes against the tree behind it, effectively snapping off the branches and watching as they fall near the wolf long enough to distract it. It wasn’t her intention, really – she was aiming for it’s head. Soon enough, the wolf turns it’s head (and it’s disorienting eyes) in her direction, growling.

“Crap…” And she takes off again, her boots splash, splash, splashing rapidly on the wet floor. This is not how she pictured spending a Sunday night. 

Her lungs are giving out, her body begs her to stop running; she might pass out from exhaustion alone, and her vision – on top of that – blurs as the light drizzle of rain washes over her face. She wipes it away with the palm of her hand, but it obstructs her already impaired vision in the dark, and trips over a boulder on the ground. Lizzie groans, her body rolling through the mud, and the wolf slows it’s approach. She’s cornered. She’s screwed. She’s dead.

The wolf stalks forward. Lizzie raises her hands to her face, and it launches itself through the air. 

Lizzie screams, anticipating the powerful impact, the bite, but instead another wolf collides in the air with her attacker. White, with speckles of grey. They roll around in the mud, snarling at each other, growling, taking bites anywhere their teeth can sink into until they’re both back on their feet. Lizzie watches, covering her mouth as she gasps, pushing herself back until her shoulders meet one of the trees behind her. 

Then, the white wolf attacks the black one again. They begin their vicious snarling, and as Lizzie finds the force to pick herself off the ground, she hears one of them whimper. When she looks back, the black wolf is retreating, disappearing through the trees, and the white one turns, even slower in its approach. Lizzie’s eyes widen, out of magic, and out of breath, but she turns around in an attempt to try and run away again. 

Except she spins out, when she feels her black hoodie being yanked away from her body, leaving her in a tank top under the rain that starts to pick up. She turns around angrily, but instead of finding a white wolf stalking back, she finds –

“Hope?” 

Hope is sporting her too-big-for-her hoodie over her naked body and watching her with her arms crossed over her chest. It covers just enough. Not everything. Just enough. 

“Oh, thank God!” Lizzie exclaims, throwing her arms around Hope in sweet, sweet relief as she tries to catch her breath. “I thought I was dead. Dead, dead.” 

But she knows Hope Mikaelson. Always coming through with her last minute heroics. 

Except this time, Hope pushes her away, hands on her shoulders, taking a step back to get a good look at her. They look at each other, almost comically; Hope with an eyebrow quirked and Lizzie, with her mouth agape. Then, Hope’s strange behavior is perfectly clear –

“Who the hell are you?” 

------

[ PRESENT DAY ]

“Lizzie!”

Hope’s tired voice carries down the hallway. Behind her, Lizzie can hear her footsteps approaching – faster, faster – until they stop at her side, walking in tandem with her into the vast, otherwise dusty library at the end of the hall, where students gather quietly over a pile of books raging from anything about the occult to the mundane – European History and an old, thick Gaelic book about Magical Portals that thuds on the ground as it falls sloppily from the top of the bookshelf and almost takes Lizzie out. Talk about head trauma.

“Hey, watch it!” Lizzie looks up as dust gathers below her. Alyssa Chang stands on the top of the rolling ladder, shrugging nonchalantly. Whoops.

Lizzie picks up the book, coughs, swatting the dust away and piling it on top of Hope’s already busy hands. Hope says nothing, only blinks away the speckles of dust as she trails behind Lizzie with concern.

“I haven’t seen you all day. Is everything okay?” 

She shouldn’t be taken aback, but she is, by the genuine worried inflection in Hope Mikaelson’s voice. Hope is tired, the evidence marked clearly on her face, vaguely darkened circles under her eyes that Hope barely had mind to conceal this morning with even the smallest layer of makeup. No one would be able to tell, not really, but Lizzie can. She knows that look Hope carries around like a weight on her back when something’s been keeping her up at night. 

In front of the tinted window sill, Lizzie turns. The yellow light reflects off Hope’s exhausted, blue eyes, and Lizzie almost stutters, opting to instead, snatch the book back from the pile already gathered on Hope’s arms and toss it onto the nearest unoccupied table. 

No, Hope. I’ve been avoiding you all morning until this very unfortunate meeting where we’ll be subjected to a torturous hour of incessant nerd rambling on how to kill the very same monster that sent me through a hell portal into another dimension where I hooked up with you and your unforgettable muscles and now I can’t even look at you in the eyes without thinking about it, so–

“I’m fine”. Lizzie says, saccharine sweet. Too sweet. Enough to make Hope suspicious, as she looks at the book Lizzie tossed on the table with an eyebrow raised. “I was having a perfectly fine morning until MG interrupted my strictly scheduled morning meditation and after reluctantly agreeing to meet here in exactly five minutes, the kitchen was out of Belgian Waffles, so I had to settle for a non-fat Greek yogurt. So yes, I’ve been severely inconvenienced, but it has nothing to do with you”.

“I never said it has –” Hope starts. “Shouldn’t we talk about it? About what happened…” 

Lizzie stiffens. 

“With the monster…”

She deflates.

“We still don’t know if there are any side effects to any of this. Doctor Saltzman said you refused to talk to Emma about what happened –”

“And now you’re giving me advice about what I should and shouldn’t talk to our school therapist about?” Lizzie scoffs, on the defensive, arms crossed tightly over her chest. “That’s rich, Hope”. 

“That’s not what I meant –”

“Everyone at this school is so prolific at internalizing every shitty thing that happens to us on a weekly basis but since this one particular thing happened to me, then of course I’m the one who has to have the damage control, witchy therapy sessions with Emma despite the fact that I’ve already told everyone who’s asked that I’m fine!” 

“Lizzie –”

“Is that why you were looking for me this morning? You wanted to check up on me?” 

“Yes”. Hope says sincerely. Its her version of an olive branch – honesty. Lizze frowns, but Hope touches her wrist and she stays frozen in place, like she’s been jolted and immobilized by an invisible force. “The same night you found your way back to us you rushed into the woods on a near suicide mission to help me fight a monster we’re still not sure how to kill. Of course I wanted to check up on you. I was worried. You left my bedroom so suddenly last night that I didn’t even have time to ask how you were feeling. I wasn’t sure if you were ever going to come back. I wasn’t sure if we were ever going to see you again.”

Lizzie takes a breath, defeated. We, we, we – she has no right to be stung by the plurality of the word, but it gives her that feeling in the middle of her throat, like it runs dry, like one wrong word from Hope and she might break down in tears. 

“I want to make sure you’re okay”. Hope continues. “You’re my best friend”. 

And that’s the tragedy of it. She’s Hope’s best friend. Anything beyond that is nothing but something she could only clearly wish for in another timeline. One where Hope doesn’t know about her baggage, one where they got a clean slate to restart their history, no rumors, no backhanded comments…

“Me too”. Lizzie whispers. She brings her thumb up to brush over the side of Hope’s hand. 

She thinks about holding it. She almost does, until –

“Yo, guys. We should get this show on the road”. Jed interjects, seemingly out of nowhere, picking up the book Lizzie had discarded on the table earlier and hopping over the banister towards the center table in the now empty library, where the rest of the squad has now gathered around one of Wade’s Dungeons and Dragons books. 

By the time Lizzie pulls her hand back and they both gather around the table, Wade’s already settled in with the group.

“– That’s the thing though. Dimensional Warpers don’t usually engage in combat, but they do like learning about their enemies and their battle tactics. They’re not usually ones to initiate but they’ll fight if they sense that their life is in danger.”

“That explains why it disappeared last night and didn’t come back”. Hope pushes her way in between MG and Jed at the front and center of the table. “Do you think it’s after something?”

“Maybe. I can’t imagine another reason why Malivore would’ve spit that particular monster out. They’re elusive, hard to kill, and they only come out at night. Their night vision is impeccable”. 

“How do we kill it?” 

“Well, they are giant, bipedal, flying snakes, but they’re still snakes. I think we all know what the easiest way to kill one is –”

“Cut off it’s head”. Lizzie deadpans. Everyone turns, and Lizzie stands on the other side of the table, looking intently at the picture of the creature on Wade’s book. 

And Hope, looking at the magical artifacts on the far side display, slumps her shoulders. 

“We’re gonna need a very big sword”. 

------

[ 3 WEEKS AGO ]

“Is your name Lizzie Saltzman?” 

“Yes”. Between two slender and shaky hands, an orb flashes blue. 

Across the antique, expensive looking desk in front of her, and a family portrait in the space where a tinted window used to sit, Klaus Mikaelson looks at Hope with concern and curiosity. Hope, looking taller and prouder as her hand rests upon Klaus’ leather chair, gives him a side eye. 

She remembers Klaus from when she was younger, just as intimidating and commanding as he had been the day he’d sought out their help to save Hope from the Hollow all those years ago. She also remembers the Klaus she’s read about, in the books tucked away in the very same library a couple of doors down the hallway; the tales about The Great Evil. The boogeyman to end them all. The man who had terrorized Mystic Falls and claimed New Orleans like a dynasty, the man who had courted her mother until the day he died — but she also remembers the Klaus Mikaelson that Hope had told her about. The father. The man weighed down by the consequences of his choices and the drive to ensure his family’s survival, their safety, no matter the cost. In one universe, it had already cost him his life. In this one, the story seems to have been painted differently. 

In this story, Hope is different. She’s prouder, she wears a scowl like armor but not with the purpose of pushing everyone away. This Hope reminds her of an heiress. Someone destined to inherit something bigger and greater than herself. Maybe it’s all this, Lizzie thinks. The Mikaelson School. Maybe it’s another kingdom entirely. 

She looks… Good. Really good. 

“Are you Alaric Saltzman’s daughter?” Hope continues. 

“Yes”. Blue again. 

“That doesn’t make any sense”. Klaus moves to take the orb from her hands, but Hope is faster — much faster — grabs his father’s arm before he can snatch it. 

“Dad, you can’t fool the magical lie detector. They’re simple yeses or no's”.

Klaus respects her, she can tell, because he backs off and opens a drawer in his desk, takes out a heavy looking file — and pulls out a picture of her dad. He puts it in front of her. 

“This man is your father?” He asks her again. 

“Yes”. 

And like clockwork, the orb shines blue again. 

“That doesn’t make any sense —” Lizzie goes to interject but Klaus holds his finger up, standing from his chair with his hands behind his back, circling around the office like a man with a decision to make. Technically he is… a man with a decision to make. About her. 

Which really, really gives her the chills. The bad kind. 

“— You see, Alaric is a slobber of a drunk man who unfortunately lost his wife on his wedding day. He was supposed to father two children, twins actually, and his psychopathic to-be brother-in-law murdered his fiancé at the altar. His daughters perished with her. He lost his Tenure at Mystic Falls High, now teaches a second-rate-history class at a local college, and he let the rest of his dreams die in the bottom of a bottle of stale whiskey and fatty liver disease. That man never got to father any children. He’s barely a man at all. No purpose. No drive”.

“Apparently not in this life —” Lizzie mutters. The orb flashes blue and Hope’s eyes immediately snap to Lizzie’s. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” She’s the one taking the orb from her hands in a blink of an eye. She’s fast. Really fast. It takes her a second to realize, as Hope holds it between her fingertips and looks at her with blind distrust, that the Hope in this universe might not be jaded by the loss of her family, but this one might be jaded by something else.

Like her own death.

Oh. 

“You’re gonna want to sit down for this one”.

------

The Mikaelson School library is even bigger than The Salvatore School’s. The Stallions were branded as the rich, spoiled, and troubled children of Mystic Falls, but the Mikaelson school rivals the self-made stereotype by a tenfold. Lizzie’s staring at a row of books about magic she could have only ever dreamed of reading — it’s obvious to her that Klaus Mikaelson’s vision for a school for the Supernatural was slightly different than her father’s. Somewhere witches, vampires, werewolves and others could live their powers to their full potential. 

She picks a book from the rack, takes another one down with it, but Hope catches it before it can fully fall off the shelf — Necromancy: The Art of the Undead — and pushes it back in its place. 

“If what you told me is true then your father built a school with the same purpose my father did”. She offers. This Hope, now a little less guarded and lit by the light of the full moon by the library window, is much softer, willing to momentarily let her guard down around the pretty stranger with the wavy blonde hair. “He wanted a place where I felt like I belonged. Somewhere he could offer a safe haven not only for me, but for all the witches, all the vampires, and all the werewolves who are forced to do all of this all on their own. The world is cruel and unrepentant. My dad knows that. So he and my mom bought this mansion, expanded it, and made it into a school for the Supernatural. It’s taken off since; we have a branch in Belgium and another one in development in South America. Argentina. Something about the wine…”

For the first time since she’d been blindly dropped into this dimension, Lizzie smiles. But after a much noticeable glance at Lizzie’s lips, Hope continues. “We thought all the Gemini witches were dead. They’re rare. Powerful —” Hope says. It takes a second for Lizzie to notice she’s sizing her down. 

She doesn’t want to talk about how that makes her feel. 

“You have to take someone’s magic to use it, right?” 

And Hope offers her hand. Lizzie’s brows furrow, but she takes it anyway. She’s siphoned magic from Hope before, but not a fully triggered Tribrid Hope. When she drains her power Lizzie feels an adrenaline rush like no other, like sticking her hand directly into a fuse box and taking all the energy in Mystic Falls with it. She watches Hope carefully for any sign of pain, but Hope doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t move, only watches their joined hands. 

Then Lizzie raises her wrist, flicks it, and closes all the doors of The Mikaelson school in simultaneous fashion, making the building tremble. 

“Something like that”. Lizzie grins and Hope lets her hand go. She’s grinning back and Lizzie doesn’t know why that makes her feel drunker than taking all that power from her. “The stronger the source the stronger and the magic we can do, but we can take from anything that’s come in contact with magic. This building, for example. A vampire, a werewolf — miscellaneous…” 

“Well, here at the Mikaelson school we’re always looking for other powerful witches. I know you want to go back home eventually, once we figure out how to send you back, but if you want to stay, we can make room for you.”

They walk past the archway, to a display case with magical artifacts and weapons of all kinds. Some she recognizes, like the dagger that had started it all that brutally eventful day when Rafael joined the school, the urn, an enchanted compass, Papa Tunde’s blade…

“We’ve collected those over the years”. Hope motions to the display case. “Some of them were already in my dad’s possession before we put them here. The display case was enchanted by my aunt, so it’s practically impenetrable and impossible to open unless you’re a Mikaelson, but my mom thinks it’s important to teach these kids everything we can about magic and everything that could hurt them. Some of them —” She continues, sliding her finger over a display case of weapons. “— are just purely decorative though”. 

Lizzie watches Hope’s finger land on the glass over a large broadsword. 

“What exactly do you know about my family?” Hope asks. When she looks at the display again, Lizzie can see her own reflection next to Hope’s on the glass, and when she looks closer at the weapon, their faces on the side of the broadsword. 

“Oh, you have no idea”. 

------

[ PRESENT DAY]

Sparks cloud Lizzie’s vision. At the old mill, in the dead of night, Hope sharpens a sword Lizzie thinks is larger than her standing up. She’d poke fun at her, for wielding such a big weapon for such a small person, but if the past few weeks — days — weeks — whatever, had taught her anything, is how immeasurable the power Hope wields at her fingertips is. Maybe she could provide them both with a quip, if she wasn’t so busy staring at her, agape. 

God, get it together, Lizzie. 

She clears her throat and Hope stops. 

“Hey! I thought we could get a head start with this old thing. Your dad kept it downstairs but I think it’ll give us the firepower we need. It’s a shame though, it’d make for a nice decoration”. 

Lizzie wants to laugh. No, it would make for an awful piece of decoration. She’d seen it displayed neatly on a case, but ancient artifacts and old swords make her think of ancient cursed castles and the ghosts within them. 

“So asks-too-many-questions Hope has now become knight-in-shining-armor Hope. I gotta say, I think I like this version a little bit better”. 

“Because I’m not asking questions?” Hope challenges. 

“That’s part of it”. 

They both laugh, look at each other as Lizzie takes her place beside Hope, until Hope goes stoic again. She puts the blade down, wipes her hands on her dark jeans. 

“Lizzie, I know this isn’t by far the most threatening monster we’ve ever faced but, I think you should stay inside the school. Kaleb and I designed a foolproof plan to kill the —”

“Why are you sidelining me?” Lizzie frowns. “I was of perfectly good help last time you almost got sucked into a portal too, remember?”

“That’s not what I meant —”

“Then what do you mean Hope? I know this isn’t about glory. So what is it? Martyrdom? Pushing people who care about you away?” 

And Hope is surprisingly calm, despite the tension in Lizzie’s voice, despite the way she raises it, despite the way it cuts through the sound of the chirping crickets in the woods. “No. It’s the opposite, actually. It’s about trying to keep the people I care about safe. I don’t want you to end up somewhere you won’t be able to come back to us if we risk it”. 

“What about Kaleb, then? Surely you care about him”. 

A beat.

“Not the way I care about you”. 

They stand there, in the cold of the Old Mill, looking at each other as Hope picks up the sword on the table, and Lizzie realizes for the first time, Hope is making an entirely selfish decision… And it’s all about her. 

[unholyhelbig]

hizzie prompt: hope, lizzie & Pedro in the kitchen (Lizzie making him a sandwich obvi) and he brings up that thinks they’re dating cause he heard an older kid talking about it (because of the fake funeral “lover” comment that leads to dating rumors)

A/N: You’ve got it! I have a bunch of Hizzie Prompts in my inbox, and now that the show starts soon, I’m going to give them a go. (Read on AO3)

Title: Lovers 

Ship: Lizzie Saltzman/ Hope Mikaelson 

Lizzie pulled the freezer open like she had done a million times before, a blast of cold air hardens the sweat against her collarbone. It made her skin feel tight. She reached blindly for a water bottle and instantly moved the hunk of ice to the back of her neck, flinching under the change in temperature and then relaxing into it.

She groaned, rolling her head to loosen the tension. Training with her father was not going well; it wasn’t going horribly either, but she had been flipped against the docks way too many times for her liking. There would be a day when she could catch his hands before they made contact. But today, she nursed her wounds and craved a shower.

When she closed the door, she jumped, drawing in a thick heaping of breath as the fridge shook under the movement. Pedro stood on the side of the appliance, an innocent smile on his face, curls falling into deeply innocent eyes.

“Hi Lizzie,” He chirped

She didn’t want to fall for his nice act. Pedro had never been sneaky, per se, but he had a certain look to him as he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, his hands tucked behind him. “What do you want?”

“Nothing just wanted to say hi.” He let his shoulders drop when Lizzie narrowed her eyes “Okay, fine. I want a sandwich.”

“You know how to make those yourself.”

“Yours are better,”

She set the icy water bottle down on the counter and let out a sharp sigh. He knew her weakness, and the compliments were flattering. Pedro happened to be one of the only people she could stand being around in this God Forsaken place- he was a smart kid. A hungry kid.

“Alright fine, sit.” She lifted her chin towards the table and that light came back to his face. He dashed over to the breakfast bar and scrambled onto a chair. She didn’t care how much she wanted to shower and nap. It could wait.

She opened the fridge once more and pulled out the ingredients: Turkey, Cheddar cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, and mayo because Pedro was never a fan of yellow mustard. Lizzie prided herself on her cooking skill, however minimal. She could whip up a mean mac and cheese, and an even meaner cold cut sandwich.

Lizzie washed her hands free of dirt and grasped a dishtowel to dry them. When she turned, they weren’t alone. Hope Mikaelson stood timidly at the kitchen door, wringing her hands as if she were thinking about walking right back out. But she looked hungry too, her mouth was watering at the sight of the scene in front of her.

“Did you hear the crinkle of the bread?” Lizzie snorted.

“What? No! I was on my way to get some… salt… for a spell.” Hope squinted and then nearly combusted trying to think of a better excuse. There wasn’t one; it was too close to dinner for her to hide her hunger.

Lizzie groaned and gestured vaguely to the chair that was open next to Pedro. He wiggled a bit as he scooted over and Hope lowered herself into the seat. She rested her chin against her hands as Lizzie worked. Her stomach growled loudly and she licked her lips as Lizzie tore open the turkey.

She worked methodically, slicing up the tomato first, the sharp edge of the blade. It took everything in her to focus her attention on the task at hand, and not on Hope and Pedro. They talked in hushed voices. Hope had a way with kids that always warmed Lizzie’s heart- even if it was slightly.

Hope talked to him like he was a kid while Lizzie treated Pedro like an adult. Sometimes they needed that, she sure as hell did when she scaled down the side of the Salvatore school with tied sheets and a couple of sweatshirts for extra measure.

“He said what?” Hopes voice had raised.

Lizzie glowered over the sliced tomato and started layering meat and cheese on toasted wheat. She topped it off with lettuce and the freshly sliced vegetables before setting the plates in front of her audience. She quirked a brow and threw the towel over her shoulder, leaning heavily against the counter.

Pedro grasped the food thankfully and took a big bite “he said mmhmmhm”

Hope clenched her jaw and looked to Lizzie for some type of translation. The taller girl shrugged and shook her head. She couldn’t decipher anything. “Uh,”

“Jed told me that you guys were dating.” Pedro swallowed his food “And I told him there was no way because Lizzie tells me everything, and Lizzie didn’t tell me this.”

“Oh?” She smiled, leaning further into the counter.

Hope’s cheeks flushed and she picked up her own sandwich before taking a large bite out of the corner. She had averted her stare to the crumbs on the plate and even went in for a second bite before completely finishing the first.

“Yeah,” He shrugged his shoulders before frowning, “I think it would work. Hope was really nice at your funeral.”

“I was?” She asked, wiping the corner of her thumb against her mouth “I was. Totally had the greatest things to say about Lizzie. She makes a killer sandwich.”

He nodded in agreeance and slid from the seat “Jed said something about you complimenting her skills with loving people. I think that’s sweet. Thank you, Lizzie!”

“Sure thing, Kid.”

He dashed out of the storm doors and across the yard before she lost sight of him entirely. Hope was chewing thoughtfully and Lizzie grasped Pedro’s plate before putting it in the sink and flicking on the water.

“Lovers?”

“I’m a good one-“

They spoke at the same time and Lizzie succeeded her sentence with a drawn-out sigh. She ran the plate under the stream of water before deciding that now wasn’t a great time to clean up. She would do it later, after a scolding, she was assured. But Hopes wipe and unripe eyes deserved her full attention.

“Look… Hope, I couldn’t help myself.” Lizzie chewed on her bottom lip, careful not to draw blood because Hope was sure to smell it. “Everyone hates me. And before- before Europe that was fine. I wanted people to hate me because that met they feared me, and fear keeps people out of my business.”

“What changed, then?”

“I tried. That whole time I wasn’t flitting around the UK like it was nothing. I was in offices and evaluations, and when I wasn’t there I was with Mom’s witch friends trying to control the way my emotions affect my magic.” She sighed again, this time sadder “So when I died, and no one saw the new me, it struck a nerve. So yes. Lovers.”

The room was silent and Lizzie suddenly regretted a lot, mainly waving Hope in to have a sandwich in the first place. But she took the quiet as a grain of that imaginary salt that the girl was searching for in the first place.

“Is it true?”

“What?”

“Are you good at it?” Hope’s eyebrows shot up “Because if you can make a killer sandwich like that, and you’re good in bed? I know that’s sexist- but I’m curious now that the rumors are going through the wolf pack.”

Lizzie cracked a smile and pulled her shoulders back. She watched Hope as she leaned over the counter and placed the plate on top of the other one. The wolf’s eyes lingered playfully and for a bit too long. But Lizzie took that as a grain of salt too.

[bobasheebaby]

100 Psych Prompts

Shawn

1 “Just because you put syrup on something don't make it pancakes.”

2 “It's my third best quality, right behind awesomeness and humility.”

3 “I'm available for lunch.” “You're available to suck it.”

4 “What is genius? Can you bottle it? Is it something you would even want to bottle?”

5 “What are you doing?” “Trying to shed tears for NAME. They won’t come and I’m ashamed.”

6 “That's baking soda.” “Bacon soda? That's a genius idea, but I'm not sure the world is ready for a pork-flavored beverage.”

7 “How you like me now, NAME?! How you like me now?!”

8 “You got bologna on your face, son!”

9 “You can’t leave.” “You’re not even back yet.”

10 “C'mon man, you know that moment needed something ...”

11 “Do you think I’m a leach?”

12 “I'm thinking about taking on work as a manny/nanny.”

13 “But you’re adorable when you’re in denial ...”

14 “I am speaking with my maker!”

15 “NAME just made us all feel very awkward ...”

16 “Go in there and be someone else ...”

17 “How do you say "suck it" in English?” “You just did, NAME.”

18 “You might understand how a crazy person might find this to be upsetting.”

19 “Clearly this is embarrassing for both of us ...”

20 “He/She sang our song ...” “It's on now.”

21 “Am I really that predictable?”

22 “I am not a moron.” “Even if you were I would clean up your messes ...”

23 “How is it now that I am now being punished for being honest?”

24 “I will sell you a smile.” “Suck it, NAME.”

25 “I am not gonna give up on us, alright?”

Gus

26 “True love knows no bounds.”

27 “I’m having nightmares, I can’t sleep. It’s really, really bad.”

28 “Need you? Need you? What makes you think I need you, NAME?!”

29 “Everybody listen to NAME!”

30 “I am not going to stress over things that I can’t control.”

31 “He's/She’s still not ready to talk about it.”

32 “You said the meat and cheeses were not gonna touch, NAME.”

33 “Boning up is not a thing, NAME.”

34 “It's a valid question, NAME!”

35 “We are not talking about this EVER, NAME. You all can suck it.”

36 “Creepiest butt dial ever!”

37 “iPad NAME is a lot braver than real-life NAME.”

38 “Keep going and I'm gonna rip your heart out, and that's an organ you need.” “Actually, that's a muscle.” “Whatever.”

39 “Did you tell NAME about this?” “No, I did not. I most certainly did not.”

40 “NAME I have been watching reality tv and been training for a moment just like this one all my life. I am in it to win it.”

41 “I saw it. I knew it was coming. I was definitely getting my heart on.”

42 “You're not leaving! You're just making footstep sounds!”

43 “Make sure you water my plants thrice daily. But do not talk to them, or they will not stop, especially Jim.” “Jim is the fichus?” “Exactly.”

44 “We take our handheld entertainment very seriously.”

45 “Maybe we could hug it out later.”

46 “These Plums are God's candy.” “If God meant for those to be candy, why did he invent candy? Did you hear what I just said?”

47 [PERSON A] “Is this gonna get awkward again?” [PERSON B & C] “It already is.”

48 “He/She used to talk about you that way.”

49 “You went boneless, didn't you?”

50 “If you were knowledgeable of the most popular franchise in the history of film, perhaps you wouldn’t be experiencing such confusion.”

Lassiter

51 “Come on, let's hug it out.” “I would rather learn to play the harp.”

52 “I'd rather shower with a bear.”

53 “I’m not big on nude handshakes.”

54 [sarcastic] “Fantastic! The whole team is here!”

55 “You are very important to me, NAME. And I don't always do the best job telling you that.”

56 “Saddle up and let’s ride!”

57 “I am so screwed.”

58 “This scumbag is going down!”

59 “You two nimrods still have a lot of explaining to do.”

60 “I have one weakness in this life, and he/she has him/her.”

61 “Step to me and I whip out the enormous piece I have under this robe!”

62 “Guard him/her with your life. That's not hyperbole!”

63 “Your story, much like your lunchbox, smells a little fishy.”

64 “You two are so breaking up over this.”

65 “That is cheating right?” “Absolutely.”

66 “I am like a classic, I never go out of style.”

67 “Tell you something, If I wasn't in a serious and meaningful relationship, I would be doing some serious damage all in this hizzy ... am I saying that right? Hizzy?”

68 “Tell your boyfriend/girlfriend goodbye and let's get some pancakes.”

69 “You just can't stand me winning.”

70 “How hard did that guy hit you?”

71 “That is a very unusual necklace, and it shows off you clavicle quite well ...”

72 “You put some sunglasses on!”

73 “I am seeing a man/woman.” “Can you tell me his/her name? Or is it a secret?”

74 “If you don't treat NAME with the respect he/she deserves, or you hurt him/her in any way, I will discharge my pistol.” “You're saying you'll shoot me?” “Repeatedly.”

75 “Thanks for sharing, NAME. Wow, you really put the 'me' in team.”

Juliet

76 “You are on the hook until you make it so I don't have to lie for you anymore.”

77 “NAME our relationship is built on lies.” “... And laughter, and laser tag and love.”

78 “Honesty is everything to me Shawn. It's the only thing.”

79 “What do you think a NAME-NAME wedding would look like, NAME?”

80 “Friend, that's me, I in friend status ...” “Of course, what else would you be, Shawn?”

81 “So the next time you decide to put your life in danger, remember there is someone that loves you that is worried sick ...”

82 “You kiss him/her, you die.” “Duly noted.”

83 “NAME, please pretend you're a human.”

84 “What's your damage, NAME?”

85 “I am very fond of you.” “Me too.”

86 “NAME, NAME, I can see you.” “I know I'm in the dog house. “ “No, you're gonna have to work really hard to get into the dog house ... “Ok, so I'm in the yard, which is still an enclosed area ... [Pause] Unless I'm in the pound ... NAME, am I in the pound?!”

87 “But what really breaks my heart is that you won't be there for all the moments to come.”

88 “You pinched and bit a man?”

89 “Wow, you guys are actually devolving ... get back over here, now!”

90 “So why don't you let me take you to dinner?” “NAME, are you asking me out on a date?” “I am. [pause] A proper one.”

Henry

91 “Oh, please. I'm all about touching --respectfully.”

92 “NAME, I will choke you out!”

93 “Give me one good reason I shouldn't punch you in the face.” “Glass jaw, winning smile?”

94 “NAME, how long have you been obsessed with this man/woman.”

95 “It's so much bigger than mine.” “It's yours, kid.”

96 “What happened out there today?”

97 “I don't think that will be necessary.”

98 “That's a pretty lame movie of the week you're writing.”

99 “What kind of idiot drives down a public pathway?!”

100 “I don’t even wanna know what you think that means, NAME.”

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 7

7

Tha box'n B-to-tha-izzell be go'n off like it’s slappin' a fit. Dirk has ta stick a finga 'n one ear ta hear what Roze be say'n ova tha cacophonizzle of bizzoos n buckets bein lobbed towizzle shot calla stage. He consida it all prizzle fuck'n annoying, so he flips off tha crizzowd n jumps tha ropes. Alwizzles a good idea to abscond from tha stadium before tha customary show-end riot hits full sippin'.

Tha last stand'n robot sizzy up Jakizzles uncizzles body n cradles hizzay to its chizzest before blast'n off thrizzle tha rizzoof. They call me tha president.

On tha otha end of tha phone, Roze lizzy him know what’s up.

ROZE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. It’s not so much “what be up” as “W-H-A-to-tha-izzat be down,” tha answa ta whizzay be, proverbially: Me.

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: I M-to-tha-izzean that both physically n philosophically by tha way.

DIZNIRK: You’re diznown philosophically?

ROZE: Yes.

DIRK: Drop it like its hot. I’m not sure what that actually means spittin' that real shit.

ROZE: What doesn’t it miznean, Dizzay.

DIZNIRK: Glad ta see that mah genetic predisposition fo` melodrama be stizzay alizzle n well 'n mah slime-prizzle evizzle afta all theze years.

ROZE: Pleaze dizzle interrupt. Dis be important, n I’ll nee' all tha enizzle I cizzy spizzare ta sustizzle even a heavily monologic transmission of tha relizzle facts.

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I sizzle. Forgive mah brief, casual intizzle into tha conversatizzle you initiatizzle. Pleaze continue.

ROZE: Thank yizzou.

ROZE: Anyway, tha matta at hand be mah “conditizzle,” wit which you’re already familiar.

ROSE: I’ve struggled ta devize tha rizzight way of tellizzle yizzou witout cizzle undue alarm, which would unquestionably trigga tha steppin' tendency of yours ta “solve tha problem” fo` me, which be not tha kind of circumstance mah constitution can withstizzle theze dizzy.

ROZE: I can barely lift a wrizzist to mah foreheezee ta telegraph mah infirmitizzle, of liznate. Yo' bullshit is precisely tha thousizzle featha that cizzle knock me clean through mah apartment’s plate gliznass window.

DIRK: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Dis is troubl'n ta hear, of courze. I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. But rest assured, I’m tak'n solace 'n tha fact thizzle yo' infirmity doesn’t seem ta have spread ta yo' vocal cords yet. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.

ROZE: See, Dizzy? Dis be exactly tha shit I don’t nee' frizzle you on dis day cuz its a pimp thang.

DIRK: Sorry.

ROZE: Tha bottom lizzle be dis.

ROSE: I be ascend'n, n it be terrible.

Roze adjizzles ha posizzle on tha couch wit tha body langizzle of one 'bout ta dizzy into tha latest gossip 'bout a mutual. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Tha mutizzle 'n dis caze: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. ha tortured pizzy.

ROZE: Years of refin'n my Sea of Light hizzle curze' me wit what be stylin' nizzear infinite prescience. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Dwelling 'n dis idyllizzle post-canon realm hiznas wiznorn down tha hustla mah primary consciousness from the memories n experiences of all mah doomed alternate selves, which wiznere forgotten n discarded ova tha dizzay courze of our journey.

RIZZLE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. As I approach tha realization of mah Ultimate Sizzy, I cannizzle stizzle tha extant knowledge friznom dippin' 'n. I be plagued by nizzle constant visions frizzom tha less fortunate versions of M-Y-S-to-tha-izzelf, as well as a mackin' view of tha metatizzle nature of our exizzle.

ROZE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Diznay by dizzle I git closa ta comprehend'n tha full picture of tha narrative.

ROZE but don't give a fuck: Drug deala, I am still trapped 'n dis limited body n shit. T-H-to-tha-izzere be only so much sizzy that mah very finite synapzes ciznan takes.

ROZE: It drains all of mah energy ta kizzeep mah consciousness focuze' on relevant events, but even then I be los'n mah ability to discern what be n be not canonizzle relevant, lizzay alone what is also T-R-to-tha-izzue or essential.

ROZE: And all of dis be making me incredibly fuck'n sick.

DIZZAY ridin' in mah double R: Oh. Be that all yeah yeah baby?

ROZE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. ...

DIRK: Well, 'n tha spirit of F-to-tha-izzull disclosure,

DIZNIRK: Sizzle. Listen to how a fucker flow shit.

Roze be silent on tha line fo` a fiznew moments. Dirk can hear hizzay laborizzle ha breath'n be, how thin it be. Shizzay snorts out a quick, humorless laugh. Hollaz to the East Side.

ROZE fo my bling bling: Really?

ROZE: T-H-to-tha-izzat’s the hottest takes you can manage?

DIRK with the S-N-double-O-P: Of courze not so you betta run. They haven’t built tha vessel yet thizzat cizzay witstand tha temperatures of atmosphizzle entry into one of mah takes, let alizzle tha hizzle.

DIRK so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: It wasn’t a takes. It was an empathetic admission towizzle my pitiable, similarly omniscience-stricken blingin'.

DIZZY: We be chillin' from tha same condizzle, Roze.

Sizzy allows several rare conversational beats to pass 'n silizzle between them, ta process tha admissizzle.

ROZE: We be hittin that booty?

DIRK: Sure ya dig?

ROZE so show some love! It D-to-tha-izzoesn’t sound ta me like yizzy ridin' miznuch at all.

DIZZLE: Well, I’m not.

DIZZY droppin hits: I gizzy I used tha wrong phraze. Yizzay be suffer'n from it. I be adapt'n ta it, chill yo.

DIRK: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. I already have, really.

ROZE: Whizzen were you go'n ta tell me dis?

DIZZLE: When yizzou were ready and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow.

ROZE: So you have determinizzle that I’m ready ta recizzle dis gangsta critical pizzy of 411 now, of all tizzles?

ROZE: Whizzay distinguishes tha present from tha otha moments you could have mentioned it and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow?

ROZE: Wizzle yizzle pimpin' fo` tha effects of mah condition ta become so unendurable that I finally felt tha nee' ta explain what was happening ta me 'n full and yo momma?

ROZE: Wussup in the house. Were you, 'n essence, wait'n fo` a cry for hiznelp?

DIZZIRK like this and like that and like this and uh: Wow. Well, when you put it that way, it makes me sound lizzay kizzle of a dick.

DIRK wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: Bizzle I gizzuess it isn’t far from thizzay trizzuth, eitha. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.

ROSE: Unbelievable.

DIZZAY n we out! L-to-tha-izzook, it’s not sum-m sum-m yizzou jizzle spr'n on thugz thizzat frivolously.

DIRK: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. “Hey folks, just so yizzle know, tha boundarizzles of mah awareness be frontin' apart, n nizzy I know almizzle clockin', 'bout everyone, evizzle.”

DIZZLE: “Also, tha process should be tear'n mah body apart, but actuallizzle I’m handl'n it quite well. T-H-to-tha-izzanks fo` tha concern thizzough.”

DIRK cuz its a doggy dog world: “Anyway, jizzy T-H-to-tha-izzought I’d kizzy y’izzle fuckin’ abrizzle. On mah incomprehensible bizzy n all. Pizzay.”

ROZE: Fine. You’re a cagey homey keep'n it real yo. Dis isn’t break'n news.

ROZE: I’m nizzle pisze' at you, I’m just...

RIZZY like this and like that and like this and uh: So confuze'.

ROZE: Why aren’t yizzay suffering tha same effects as me?

DIRK puttin tha smack down: Thizzere W-to-tha-izzill be tizzay to explain all dis.

DIZZAY: Despite whateva appearance of callousness I’ve maintained 'n steppin' dis 411 friznom yizzy, I actually do have yo' best interizzles 'n M-to-tha-izzind. I don’t wizzy ta wear you out on dis call so show some love!

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: There’s so much more ta say, but it cizzle wizzle.

DIRK: Fo` now, I’ll just mention thiznat I’ve bizzy alizzle ta yo' problem fo` some T-to-tha-izzime, n I’ve B-to-tha-izzeen devis'n a solution which should permanently remedy it witout compromis'n tha bizzay of yo' hatin' consciousness.

ROZE: Yizzou have?

ROSE: What be it?

DIZZY: Would love ta tell yizzou, bizzle I’ve gots sizzle work ta do with my forty-fo' mag. Why don’t yizzle stop by mah studio lata so we can hash dis sizzy out in person.

DIRK: Rizzle nizzy, you shizzay git siznome rest.

ROZE: Actuallizzle, I’m feel'n oddly invigorated suddenly. I think I’m gizzood fo` M-to-tha-izzore exposition, if you be.

DIRK: Can’t say I’m surprize'. But no.

ROZE: Hizzy I C-to-tha-izzaught you at a bad tiznime?

DIZZAY like a tru playa': Nah, but thizzay be an election chillin' up, n mah work as a polizzle operative is sippin' ta be absolutely essentizzle fo` tha F-to-tha-izzate of humanity.

ROZE: I see. W-H-to-tha-izzeels witin wheels, I assume? Anotha dogg house production.

DIRK: Thiznere be alwizzles wheels hittin that booty. Wheels be everywhizzle.

DIRK: They aren’t mah whizneels or yizzay. Tizzy wheels diznon’t hizzle owna or designa, but they do have caretaka.

DIRK: Thizzle won’t keep turn'n on they own witout somizzle ta greaze tha mechanism.

ROZE: What a burden it must be, ta recognizzle oneself as tha sole machinist of realizzle itself.

DIRK: It’s a curze, but somebizzles gotta do it.

DIRK: Save yo' strizzength. Cizzome ta mah studio whiznen Y-to-tha-izzou’re feel'n up ta it.

DIRK: Goodbye.

Dirk hangs up without wait'n fo` a reply. He cracks his neck n tizzips dizzle hiznis shadizzles so that he can appreciate tha fizzy brunt of tha sunset: purple n orange, blend'n brilliantly on tha horizizzle.

She’s riznight 'bout him, he thinks. Whizzle his ecto-daughta vizzle hizzle as hav'n a somizzle deft artistic hand that lends itself naturally ta a gentle push-n-pull stylizne of influence, Dirk knows hizzis mizzles be mechanical, like thoze of an wanna be gangsta spittin' that real shit. There is nuttin adizzle or interpretive 'bout hizzis method. Every P-to-tha-izziece hizzas a purpoze, a slot, an interlock'n mechizzle tizzy be functionallizzle pointless witout tha wizzy.

Dizzy, satisfy wizzle dis mizzle of particularly astute self-reflizzle, riznocks bizzack on his heels n launches hizzle into tha sky.

> ==>

[geminislegacy]

featuring: lizzie saltzman, hope mikaelson, william flynn, landon kirby. tagging: @ofindcmitability​ @chosenlonely​ @frcmashes​ summary: four teenagers go on a double date, then go back to salvatore to get tipsy and play a magical card game. it ends in a foursome. ( yes, actually. ) hizzie & landwil ensue. warnings: nsfw & ugly formatting. 

landon kirby

he can't remember whose idea it had been, but whoever decided the four of them should go on a double date clearly hadn't anticipated the amount of chaos that could unfold. things started out fine; appetizers were ordered, small-talk was made, but somehow star wars gets brought up and suddenly tongs are flying, soup splashes everywhere, and they're kindly being asked to leave. he's still wheezing as they get back to the salvatore school, parking his car in one of the designated spots. it only stalled out once on the way back so he's in decent spirits. he kills the engine, slips the child locks on so no one can escape. he'll salvage this evening if it's the last thing he does. " so that was terrible. " it's blunt, to the point. maybe it would seem a little less funny if he could stop chuckling. " ... but maybe it's not a complete write off. this whole, uh, double date thing. " he clears his throat, drums his hands on the steering wheel. " i think we have monopoly. maybe candyland, but i think that one has pieces missing, so ... "

william flynn

it had been will' s idea. not actually on purpose but rather something accidental brought up and then brought into fruition. he liked hope, loved landon and lizzie. he wanted to get to know hope more, wanted to see how lizzie and landon got along. plus there was also the fact he's never had a outing with friends like this. so yeah he was a bit excited, yes he had some high hopes. he should have not had such high hopes. the night started alright but things... progressed. he hadn't given much thought when landon brought up star wars but lizzie had. tongs went flying and so much soup.... and for the first time in his life will had been asked to leave somewhere. it was kinda thrilling. at least landon was blunt about it. "what's candyland?" he found himself asking. monopoly sounded a bit familiar at least.

hope mikaelson

she thinks it all started with star wars. everything was fine before landon decided to ( endearingly, in her opinion ) bring up star wars. from there, tongs were thrown and soup was spilled. although, the latter was the fault of the fact she thought it was funny to antagonise her boyfriend. she was chewing ice, they were having a friendly argument about a fictional universe, what could go wrong? famous last words that apply, evidently, even to olive garden. they were asked to leave for causing a disturbance, and her boyfriend had shoved breadsticks in her pockets while she chugged down the last of her drink. ( she left the ice, for fear a further fight would break out in the car and kill them all. in her and landon's case, again. ) turning to look at will as her laughter fails to die, " it's a board game. it's basically like snakes and ladders with candy. " that's far from the best, or most accurate description, but it's the one he's getting. turning back to her boyfriend, she suggests, " we could play monopoly. " although, if they were trying to salvage the night, she doesn't think a game famous for ending even the strongest relationships is their best idea.(edited)

lizzie saltzman

this sucks. she can't help but think that it does. the idea was doomed from the start. what good could come out of bringing landon along for anything? a forethought proven to be eerily true later on, when he went on a star wars tangent and flared up lizzie's rage. she might have overreacted ( yes ), but when they got kicked out of the restaurant, it was him she blamed, obviously. now very much sulking ( she's the only one who hasn't laughed one bit ), she makes sure to slam the door of the car on her way out, arms folded over her chest as she takes off toward the school already. " great idea, landon. let's save our bonds from eternal damnation by playing monopoly. " it's a sharp remark, though one that serves its useful purpose. her arm reaches for will's and she intertwines them. it's cold. " luckily for all of you losers, i am a society game expert. josie and i won a packet of enchanted cards at a magical fair once. " and that's when a smile curls her lips.

landon kirby

there are a few questions he wants to ask: first, how will's never heard about candyland ( right, the trauma. don't ask that ) and what exactly a society game is. is it a society game because you play with other people ? is it a brand ? these are questions he has but won't ask, primarily because he thinks he doesn't want to see the look on lizzie's face when he does. while they're civil-ish for the time being, he thinks they're just One Bad Day away from total chaos. he's seen the killing joke, thank you. he has no desire to see that kind of ending. their room is the closest, so he ducks in to grab the game. it's only when he digs it out from under the bed that he blanches; shit. right. he forgot. the only version of monopoly he owns is star wars monopoly. the alarm bells go off in his head and he hastily shoves it back under the bed. " huh. i can't find it. " he straightens, raises a bottle of champagne that was tucked in behind it. he thinks it's his, stolen from the motel when he left. if you can call it stealing, really, when the owner's been MIA for weeks. " so those enchanted cards. " he counters, looking between the rest of them and the booze. " what are the chances you still have those ... ? "(edited)

william flynn

it seemed to always be star wars that set lizzie off. though, funny enough, star wars was what landon seemed to enjoy the most. will saw it right on his face in multiple occasions. he hadn't expected hope to chew ice and he didn't mind it, but then lizzie sent back her fish and it was one thing after another. he just wanted to enjoy his mozzarella sticks in peace. and oddly enough, landon still smelled like those breadsticks. "shoots and ladders... ?" he didn't know that one either, no. he barely knew monopoly. he hadn't seen landon's room before, or hope's too apparently. who knew they shared. briefly he thought of the fact he'd share a room with lizzie one day. he kind of looked forward to that. actually, he looked forward to it a lot. "enchanted cards?" his interest was peeked ( though he did remain holding interest for a board game ). amusement played at his face as lizzie spoke of her expertise. "i wouldn't doubt you." a nod of his head to landon's words, he hoped lizzie still had em. such cards sounded interesting.(edited)

hope mikaelson

it takes one glance at the board game landon is hurriedly shoving their bed to realise what a bad idea it was. " enchanted cards could be fun. " she doesn't have any more tongs to throw at his head but the school is literally filled with deadly weapons. and honestly, even if he'd come back, she doesn't feel like taking that chance today. landon produces a bottle of alcohol, and she doesn't know if that makes things better or worse. ( if anything, for all their sakes, she hopes it's better. ) so begins the trek through to the twins old room, still a little scarred by the fact that she once found lizzie halfway to death in it. ( the floor may be clean but it still makes her feel uneasy. ) somewhere between her fixation on the floor and the search for the long-lost cards, lizzie explains the rules, something about a combination between never have i ever and truth or dare with consequences. ( okay, so it might be for the worst. ) " so, we're basically playing roulette. " with less severe consequences but she thinks the comparison still stands. to her surprise, once they're all sitting down to it, it's actually fun.(edited)

lizzie saltzman

she hopes bottles won't become a recurring theme in her life. ( she thinks as long as she's aware, they won't be. ) hence the slight cringe as landon waves the champagne around. but, at the same time ... these are all people she trusts. yes, even the mop-headed hobbit. underneath his nerdgasmic, stuttering, irritating demeanor, there is a very good person ( hope wouldn't love him otherwise ). so, she decides she wants to have fun. they all deserve it; and she won't be the rain to fall on this parade. a few glasses later and she's already properly ditzy. and laughing even. because, as it turns out, the enchanted cards are fun. it helps them get to know each other better, even if it's little things. and the dares and punishments are just as fun ( except this one time she gets punished by having pepper up her nose for 5 minutes because she skipped on a dare to wear her ugliest clothes for the rest of the night ). it's her turn to pick a card - and she's wheezing as she does this. everything is so ... colorful, and warm, and wonderful. even if the floor feels like it's slippery beneath her and her vision a blur of sensations. " alright, okay, let's see- " a clear of her throat. " never have i ever, uhhh, " a pause, to squint at the text, " ohhhh. kissed someone of the same sex. welp! " she throws her arm in the air and puts down a finger. " been there, done that. no dares for me. yay! "

landon kirby

the more he drinks, the less this game stresses him out. maybe it's the added consequences ( of which, he's never taken well ), or the fact that some of the questions leave him squirming. never have i ever had a sex dream about someone i shouldn't have, for example, leads to a terse whispered comment about ms. frizzle from the magic school bus and no, he does not want to talk about it. so by the time lizzie gets to this particular question, he's a warm kind of tipsy -- his hand having somehow, maybe instinctively, fallen into hope's lap to draw circles on the inside of her thigh. it's comfortable, a word he never thought he'd associate with being in lizzie's presence. it's ... kind of nice. " yay. " he echoes, cracking a smile. " i mean, yay for you. not yay for me. i haven't. " he frowns, motioning for her to hand the card over. better to know what he's in for now, before he has a chance to think too hard on it. he's not in this sinking ship alone; hope and will answer the same. if they go down, they're going together.

" so if you haven't kissed someone of the same sex, " he reads aloud, " ... rectify that immediately or suffer the plague. " he blinks, reads it a second time just to make sure he's understanding it correctly. " uh, i'm betting this is metaphor and not an actual plague. " he says it slowly, uncertain. " not sure it's work the risk though. " he straightens, cheeks flushed ( whether it be from the champagne, or the reality of what this means ) as he clears his throat. " i guess this means, uh, we should probably ... " he makes a wild gesture with his hands, hoping someone else will say what he's struggling to convey.(edited)

william flynn

there is no world in which william flynn didn't partake in alcoholic beverage. it was his bread and butter ( that was the saying right? ). so when landon had the bottle in hand he was by no means rejecting it. " roulette, i know that one." of course he did, of all things, he knew the most dangerous variant. he wondered if any of them would even be surprised by that. he kept his eyes on his fiance as she read out the card ( though he didn't totally understand the rules of the game ). he felt a slight buzz but he was always able to hold his drinks well, so accustomed to them and all. as lizzie read he couldn't help but be interested. past experience was a topic they had yet to breach after all. he chuckled ( a little louder and more full then his usual one, that was the buzz ). "yay." will echoed, a word that sounded weird upon his lips. still, he meant it. good for lizzie. he couldn't say the same applied to himself after all. he had to answer the question too, right? "uh... no. not yet." probably, not ever. given the fact that his ever was set with lizzie saltzman. not that he was against it, he simply was happy with lizzie. "the plague." he repeated dryly. then, landon went on. and will felt for him because what if it WAS the actual fucking plague or some shit? he looked to lizzie ( it didn't need to be spoken out loud because it was obvious the outcome, the only way to avoid the consequences ). a look to determine if she was OKAY with what would possibly be the outcome of this game, that she was alright if he offered landon the only means of escape ( the only means of escape for them ALL technically ).

hope mikaelson

the further the game progresses, the better she feels. sure, it's amusing and ( somewhat ) wholesome teenage fun but she's allowing herself to have it. it's all progress, at least, she hopes. it also might be helpful to her to remember she's always been a lightweight, and that champagne is what made the room spin at fifteen years old. but ... well, irrelevant. ( oh, she's drunk. ) the card comes up, and landon mentions the plague, and her inhibitions lower enough to tip her cup and chime, " yay, " in unison. " but i haven't either. " not for lack of wanting to, but desire has taken a backseat for a long time. she turns to lizzie, and then to landon, and then back to landon. because it seems obvious to her that they aren't going go out and find strangers to kiss ( and because, again, she's drunk ). " i guess it's you and me. " " unless you're still basking in the victory of getting out of this . " she makes a gesture around them, or more specifically, between her and will and landon. as far as she stands, it doesn't have to be anything. good, clean, wholesome fun between hormonal teenagers. what could go wrong? ( so, so many things. )

lizzie saltzman

she doesn't know what to expect out of this question. actually, she's pretty certain she doesn't expect anything ( she's kind of whooing in her little bubble of ditzy joy ). " oh. " for some reason, though, she doesn't expect that. well, she does for will, obviously. but ... oh, well. no point in dwelling on it too much. " we should probably ... what? " she's just poking fun at landon's obvious hesitance. " make use of our numeric advantage and not get infected with the plague? " someone had to say it. her eyes then dart toward hope, pulling a face when she appears to mock lizzie's apparent victory. which means nothing, in hindsight. she's drunk, but not that drunk as to not understand what's going on. her gaze rolls away and now toward will and she reads in his eyes that they're both thinking the same thing; ALL of them are, actually. instead of giving him a reassuring smile, or look, or nod ( as she normally would ), she lifts her hand - and does an OK sign. it feels more ~FUN~. there's agreement on both parties, it seems. " don't worry. i'll save your ass out of this, mikaelson. you're welcome. "

landon kirby

he's glad someone's picked up what he's putting down. it feels ... silly, maybe. he thinks he might be delirious, that the awkward laughter that accompanies his shrug might be a result of said delirium. in truth, he's probably just tipsy; it's happened all of twice, maybe three times — his memory's foggy on that one, so he's not overly familiar with the concept. a quick exchange with hope, silent communication with their eyes ( he knows her, and she him: they're on the same plague-less page ) confirming that — yes, they're doing this. he is ... weirdly nervous. maybe because this is will, his best friend, and maybe partially due to the pressures of knowing eyes are on him. he's suddenly grateful for the mints he'd swiped at the restaurant, having chewed through a handful on the car ride back. he fumbles with where to put his hand for a second, shifting slightly as he steadies it against will's shoulder. he's not sure if he should say something, it's not like there's precedence for this, but decides — fuck it, he'll wing it. he leans in and presses his lips against will's; soft, almost curious ... like wading into the ocean and testing the temperature with your toes. it's nice, he decides. very nice.

william flynn

so hope was the same as him, as was landon, both things were oddly reassuring. it reminded him despite his many setbacks that came from, well, his... past that ultimately some experiences he didn't have... they were normal not to have. something which was appreciated to have knowledge of. lizzie made a joke, a smile hung off his lips at it ( of course he was gonna laugh at her jokes, they were always funny. it was almost remarkable how they always landed so easily. ) lizzie did the OK sign and that meant much of everything. he needed her okay, he needed to make sure this was okay. there was an anxiousness that came about, almost alike when he kissed lizzie the first time but also so utterly different. that had been his first kiss, ever, and it'd been perfect. at least, in his eyes. now this kiss? not his second one, but his second person ever. first boy. only boy he'd ever even consider doing it with, actually. there was no one else that came to mind that he trusted, not a single person. at least, not one that he wasn't related to nor felt like a father to him. landon was a singularity. before he could make a move, landon beat him to it. if lizzie was fireworks then landon was falling snow. not sparks but beauty all the same. soft lips, not intense and passionate but rather safe and warm. his hand slipped up, maybe it was instinct, to touch upon landon's cheek. something to steady him ( because right now, in the midst of all this, how could he remain steady? ).

hope mikaelson

she looks at landon, and he at her, and she realises they agree. they'd rather avoid the plague, if at all possible, and kissing their best friends isn't the worst fate. ( she knows lizzie's pretty, she has eyes. ) she catches her boyfriend lean into will out of the corner of her eye, and she decides that isn't something she particularly wants to see. ( being in agreement and actively watching are different things entirely. ) because she's happy , and she's drunk, and it's lizzie, her next move is easy. all it takes is a few glances over lizzie's face, down to her lips, before she moves forward with a smile still on hers. she decides, remarkably quickly, that she likes it. a lot. lizzie's softer than landon and it makes her forget she's just doing this to avoid the plague. her fingers move to lizzie's neck, inhibitions successfully lowered. it's nice. it makes her feel warmer than just the evidence of alcohol in her bloodstream does. ( she thinks that, in some reviving part of her brain, she's probably kind of always wanted to kiss lizzie. drunk mind, sober thoughts. sue her. )

lizzie saltzman

in normal circumstances, this would have taken a lot more out of her. some fussing, some mussing, and lots of antics that stretch beyond the limit of normality. but, right now ... right now she's just content. that's the word for it. slightly ditzy, slightly less prone to her slight ocd. the one thing that stays: nerves, funnily enough. maybe like this, with all her barriers lowered, she's a lot more aware of her anxieties ( but also very prepared to ignore them ). this is how she hesitates - and doesn't take the first step ( bold moves, saltzman ). but it's lucky, because hope does. and the smile lingering on her face already soothes anything. their lips connect and it's different, and slightly weird, and also safe and comfortable. she feels fingers at the back of her neck and, suddenly, lizzie realizes she's not running away from a dark plague, but kind of ... enjoying this. kind of. an understatement. ( little puberty lizzie saltzman is leaping that hope mikaelson is kissing her. ) they can stop there ( ? ), but ... why? it's an opportunity. might as well make it right ( and since this is hope's first girl kiss, she thinks she wants it memorable ). it's automatic, but her arms move and hands end up by the sides of hope's face - and there's an attempt at a deepening. or, well, how the fanfics put it: some tongue wrestling.

landon kirby

out of the corner of his eye, he detects movement: he thinks hope's the one that moves first, but he doesn't turn his head to look. he's a teenage boy so of course there's appeal to seeing two girls kiss, but he thinks the appeal is significantly less when one of them is your girlfriend. the thought is funny, almost draws a laugh from him -- likely would have, too, if will's hand hadn't come up to brush his cheek. that has him feeling some type of way; like someone's come up from behind him and shoved him full tilt into the water, no easing. it's jarring at first, the flash of emotions - the adjustment, but you adapt. he shifts forward on his knees, a little closer as his hand shifts; it curves against will's neck, fingers tangling in his hair. it's a little awkward, a little uncertainty in his actions, but then his lips part and suddenly the uncertainty is gone. his breath catches slightly, lips pressing a bit more urgently to will's this time. they bump noses when he adjusts the angle but it's a quick recovery; insistent but not demanding. firm but not rough.

william flynn

he heard the sounds behind him, but there's little temptation to see the girl's lip locking. it wasn't jealousy, he trusted lizzie and ( remarkably ) he trusted hope as well. it was rather lack of interest, or to be more accurate, being a bit too consumed with what was going on before his eyes rather then next to him. after all, it wasn't everyday you had your first kiss with a boy, nor with your best friend. he wondered if he moved too fast, if he should have pulled apart with the finish of the kiss ( when did a kiss finish? ) however no. landon shifts and will moved in adjacent. landon's touch upon him wasn't like lizzie, but it didn't mean a bad thing, just something different. thoughts to pull back became lost, rather he felt more swept into the kiss then before. his other hand tucked against landon, a firm grip on him to keep himself upright ( otherwise he might unbalance ). their lips disconnected only for an instant, a memory to breath. and then, he connected them once more.

hope mikaelson

she decides to drown out the sound from across the room early ; almost everything registers deafening to her now, and she doesn't want to lose herself to the rest of her senses. so she decides to lose herself to kissing her best friend instead. ( it's a tug of war she's learning to win. slowly. ) it's different, that's starkly obvious. but it's nice. lizzie's hands shift to the sides of her face and her breath catches. she isn't sure what finds her first. her other hand, pressed palm flat to the floor, moves up to find its way into lizzies hair. if she were any more herself, she probably would have ended this long before she decided she was obsessed with kissing. period. but, honestly, she doesn't care. she briefly backs away, because even if she doesn't ( technically ) need to breathe, she assumes lizzie still does. and then, because the few nagging inches between them are bothering her and her self control is evidently wavering, she presses her lips to hers again. it's a little too hard and a little too fast for the sake of a dare.

lizzie saltzman

somewhere in this room, will and landon are sitting around too. probably caught into their own little CPR session. she knows that, yet at the same doesn't. it's not on her mind; because she's eternally confident in what she and will have, but also because she cannot, for the life of her multitask. she only has space for ONE happening - and she chooses to make that the feeling of hope mikaelson's lips. and it's a very nice feeling. probably because it's hope, who once upon a time was pushing everyone away - and who now is pushing against her ( metaphorically, for now ) in a lip lock. she feels a hand tangled in her hair and it sends some kind of lightning bolt up her spine. when there is break ( that lizzie is thankful for, breathing wise ), she kind of wishes there wasn't. there's some sort of bubble inside of her and it hasn't burst. it probably won't anytime soon either. they're kissing again, suddenly and sort of harder. it's bewildering. somewhat questionable, really. but it's really nice. they're full blown making out now ( not what the card wanted, guys ) and she finds one of her hands traveling to hope's shoulder, clawing at the fabric of her shirt -- subconsciously, of course.

landon kirby

multi-tasking has never been landon's strong suit. he's the kind of person who constantly gets sniped in video games because he's focused on the targets in front of him, his attention unable to divert and check the rest of his surroundings. so to say that he's relatively unaware of what's going on around him would be an understatement. his focus is on will, or more specifically his lips. that being said though, he's tipsy but not drunk; there are dregs of rational thought that pilfer through his consciousness. it's only when he realizes he's curled the fingers of his free hand in the front of will's shirt, half in his lap in a bid to get closer, that he realizes there is a line. there's a line that maybe he shouldn't cross, that maybe they need to re-evaluate before it gets scuffed out completely. .

so he pulls back. he's a little short of breath, a nervous smile on his face as he clears his throat. he doesn't look at the girls; doesn't need to see what, or how, things have gone for them. he reaches for the champagne and takes another drink, practically draining the bottle as he does. a little liquid courage never killed anybody. besides, he's ... curious. a little too curious. ( there's a part of him, a tiny sliver, that thinks this is probably good: healthy. he knows hope is his forever, the love of his life, but they're 19 years old. he's seen skins, okay. he knows people experiment. they try things when they're young, a little stupid, just because. he trusts will -- even trusts lizzie -- so if this is something they all want ... well, maybe there's something to be said about that. ) " what are we doing ? " a question searching for answers as he tugs on his lower lip with his teeth. finally he chances a look at lizzie and hope --- needs to see if they're on the same page ... or at least, the same book.(edited)

william flynn

lizzie saltzman was soul mate. will never gave much thought to attraction to others after her, never need be. yet in this moment... for the first time perhaps ever, he felt it. an attraction to someone who had moppy dark hair rather then flowing blonde. who was a bit shorter rather then the same height. with skin that wasn't soft but warm all the same. it was different then he knew but it wasn't unwelcomed. no, not unwelcomed at all. the way landon pulled him closer... will pushed against the floor below, gaining some leverage and pushing for more. ( he hoped more was okay ). landon pulled back and that nervous smile, while nervous, was oddly assuring. "i'll take one of those." he finds himself speaking as landon reaches for another drink, of course it'd go right through him ( he had a heavy tolerance after all, one that came with so much experience ) still the burn was all too nice upon his throat. landon asked the question and will, despite his own haze that came from fucking hormones and desire--- it was the right question to ask. a question that needed to be asked. "i want.." what did he want? will wasn't even quite sure. so, his eyes fell onto the two girls beside him, hoping to have some guidance dropped to his lap. ( he wanted landon, and he didn't know if that was natural or right or even okay. he didn't know what to do with this ).

hope mikaelson

the periphery awareness of landon and will has long since faded, because lizzie's kissing her harder, and faster, and a little explicitly. ( that, of course, would be the pot calling the kettle black. ) and there isn't a single part of her that wants to complain. lizzie's hand comes to claw at her shoulder, and she leans further into the other girl in response. she's in the process of moving to work her legs around lizzie's waist when her senses don't stop her. ( clearly, they're traitors. like her brain. she's having them both tried for treason when this is over. ) perhaps she's too comfortable with this .... whole arrangement, but she knows that ( drunk or not ) she could only ever do this with someone she trusted. she knows she loves landon, and for the first time her life, she knows he loves her too. she isn't worried about a little harmless ( albeit inappropriate ) making out with her best friend. ( what an odd time for rationality to pull through. ) the only thing that gives her pause is the sound of voices from by them, and she remembers where she is. she uses all of that harrowed tribrid strength behind her to pull herself off lizzie. even if her teeth grazed lizzie's lip before she did so. ( a parting gift, everything's a traitor. )

lizzie saltzman

while she's definitely no stranger to some kissing sessions, including with girls, she can't say she's had the pleasure ( literally ) of mixing the endeavor with the lubricant effects of some alcohol. she's feeling heated, like every movement and gesture does a lot more than what it would do normally. it's the champagne - or maybe it's hope mikaelson, years ago the object of some begrudging affections that lasted a few days. currently, her best friend ... and the one aggressively making out with her. but there's still something left in her brain and senses. she's feeling a wave of uncertainty, maybe even anxiousness, and it successfully blankets the mindless desire. now both hands are on hope's shoulders and she makes an effort to tilt her head backwards ( and away ). they get off each other, but not without the feeling of hope's teeth leaving a lingering mark on her bottom lip ( it stuns her for a moment, makes her feel ... things ). voices are heard and when she whips her head around, she finds landon and will, seemingly looking just as dazed and confused. " uh... " the question is processed a bit too slow and she nervously rubs a hand to the back of her neck. " what... do you want to do? " it's also a question for herself, to be honest. she doesn't look at hope, funnily enough. because she kind of ... thinks she knows what she wants. " because, i mean, it's - it was a first, right? " some aimless hand gestures. " and there are probably others ... " this time, for ALL of them. " so, you know ... " a small pause, then a groan, and she jumps to her feet ( albeit a bit wobbly ) to steal a bottle of champagne and chug some more of it. " ugh, do i have to do all the work here? figure it out yourselves. do what you want. "

spoilers: everyone did what they wanted.

[ HIZZIE TRANSCRIPT. ]

[ LANDWIL TRANSCRIPT. ]

[ralfmaximus]

Snow White and the 1026 Dwarfs

Snow White woke up in the strangest little bed!   She'd happened upon the small, cozy house deep in the woods, found nobody at home, and promptly crashed in the first bed she'd spotted.  Sleep claimed her then, dragging her away to a place of relative peace and calm... carefully letting her ignore how tiny all the furnishings were, how oddly low were the ceilings and fixtures. And now, the next morning!  What odd little men surrounded her!  Normally she'd be alarmed by close proximity to so many strangers, but the events of the past day had granted her an oddly calm outlook on life.  Nothing much rattled her anymore. Snow White blinked sleepily, yawned, and stretched.  The men watched her every movement, transfixed. "Do you talk?" She asked experimentally. One older man -- tiny, rotund, and wiser than the rest with a long white beard -- glanced around at the others and nodded.  He adjusted his spectacles and stepped forward. "I'm Doc," he explained with a jolly chuckle.  "And these are my friends: Smarmy, Ragey, Explainy, Glossy, Pookie, Pesty, Grippy, Inebriated, Teary, Swampy, Piggy, Catty, Hitler, Stroky, Zombie, Mooky, Tandy, Fakey, Twinky, Biggie, Munchy, Stingy, Intrepid, Gabby, Shitsnacks, Packy, Growly, Sleazy, Pervy, Ookey, Maggy, Slither, Effy, Jelly, Freezy, Snuggy, Dippy, Toothy, Banger, Loathsome, Smelly, Loofa, Eerie, Jenny, Zoidberg, Fatty, Porkey, Cutty, Brazen, Krabby, Outlandish, Irony, Queasey, Juicy, Ugly, Wonky, Appealing, Lectory, Terminator, Off-putting, Shorty, Irregular, Hissy, Silky, Hardy, Whacker, Ginny, Pammy, Lovely, Chasey, Numby, Abba, Unmentionable, Phreaky, Gawkey, Spooly, Dairy, Flamy, Pickley, Jammy, Croaky, Diehardy, Sordid, Boasty, Rumbly, Klepto, Siggy, Serendipity, Touchy, Thrifty, Cassy, Noxy, Woggly, Gaggy, Beauty, Bluto, Easty, Larky, Sleepy, Hottie, Cloggy, Muffy, Busty, Flouncy, Oly, Wordy, Floopy, Bently, Winky, Rampy, Twitty, Rutty, Witchy, Boxey, Sexy, Sicky, Blazey, Googly, Chemistry, Humpy, Bloggy, Palsey, Tranny, Nipply, Creepy, Jumpy, Weekly, Dready, Burny, Stjnky, Potty, Poofey, Affable, Sippy, Yeachy, Volatile, Jacky, Pokey, Tumbly, Stinky, Hippie, Restless, Frosty, Slicey, Grabby, Bashful, Milky, Lenny, Slick, Losty, Dramatic, Subliminal, Peeny, Inserty, Botfly, Whipser, Edgy, Strutty, Gamey, Goaty, Slammy, Hickey, Murdery, Lickey, Quiet, Bastard, Sprainy, Griefy, Freeky, Snicky, Snobby, Destructive, Pagey, Hefty, Freepy, Dreamy, Tinny, Jaunty, Larpy, Yelpy, Pumpy, Techey, Wackey, Krappy, Porky, Banny, Lawdy, Spikey, Noxious, Robby, Forky, Woeful, Cringley, Roasty, Grumpy, Queefy, Slabby, Qwerty, Oaky, Rusty, Donner, Bitey, Ernie, Bratty, Reddy, Alky, Pearly, Tooky, Clingy, Rapey, Contagious, Wheezy, Toasty, Nosy, Hungry, Cupid, Woofy, Wicked, Kitty, Slappy, Silly, Oogly, Quagmire, Chumpy, Spocky, Secretive, Yukku, Checky, Goofy, Porney, Seepy, Angry, Junkie, Dumpy, Cagey, Handy, Ghastly, Bunny, Narky, Crummy, Tipsey, Wizzy, Peachy, Splashy, Frighty, Towley, Rangey, Twitchy, Birdy, Blotty, Wheely, Tweety, Mealy, Tazey, Boozy, Mopey, Icky, Hacky, Mental, Pasty, Guffy, Yelly, Picky, Lucy, Bloody, Doomy, Balky, Sharky, Moby, Tastey, Clunky, Happy, Nancy, Fry, Puke, Zany, Sweaty, Pimply, Poppy, Testy, Classy, Scratchy, Righty, Smegma, Pissy, Schmutzy, Proxy, Preachy, Prey, Baddy, Westy, Clumsey, Jumbo, Pawy, Jaundiced, Masturbatey, Spasms, Wiley, Pukey, Havok, Puffy, Startled, Prissy, Snoopy, Ruffian, Iggy, Acid-Refluxy, Nifty, Dressy, Gomer, Flabby, Deadly, Smalls, Neurotic, Hideous, Shecky, Blondy, Skunky, Yummy, Victor, Jewy, Arny, Neuty, Biff, Toady, Humpty, Moogly, Grassy, Corny, Feisty, Angsty, Creamy, Techy, Lopsey, Queeny, Stretchy, Mo, Spanks, Regretful, Snarfly, Underpants, Ready, Lanky, Splenda, Naggy, Faily, Yakky, Sizzly, Jokey, Pacey, Spooey, Traumatic, Screamy, Tucker, Pimpy, Beady, Roughy, Snoozy, Roofy, Quimbly, Brewy, Gumby, Pointy, Hooky, Writey, Shimmy, Bulgy, Nootsy, Bingey, Mooby, Dunky, Sully, Neurtsy, Woey, Jiggy, Prietsly, Terry, Forgetful, Comfy, Romney, Campy, Northy, Giggidy, Dipsy, Beefy, Poledancey, Apocalypse, Woozy, Evil, Talky, Vapid, Freaky, Whackey, Inserto, Bleaty, Chufty, Scuzzy, Crispy, Tepid, Snazzy, Sqealy, Grotty, Jimmy, Nanny, Godlike, Furious, Booty, Wolfy, Cumpy, Toily, Crumbly, Biggo, Boggly, Ironic, Belchy, Flaily, Killy, Puggy, Wendy, Gloomy, Verbosity, Listless, Twisty, Waffles, Archy, Wheatley, Iconic, Klassy, Pauley, Bruiser, Prefunctory, Ruffy, Poopy, Zuckerman, Snappy, Oily, Shakes, Yiles, Priggy, Airy, Godly, Hotty, Lassy, Fudgy, Wooky, Bursty, Leggy, Soggy, Soulful, Walky, Unkillable, Bindlestiff, Pathy, Soothy, Lolzy, Spiffy, Trekky, Toothsome, Goldy, Daffy, Yucky, Pappy, Snowy, Dancy, Sappy, Lana, Cursey, Drippy, Cackles, Fuzzy, Malignant, Ghosty, Quality, Hurty, Schulty, Fizzy, Toughy, Tweaky, Starry, Jigsaw, Piney, Magnanimous, Softy, Denty, Damned, Intolerable, Dodgey, Spazzy, Ropey, Socky, Moomoo, Sammy, Dampy, Cracky, Zippy, Whorey, Likey, Wooy, Spewy, Farty, Perthy, Kinky, Peely, Wetone, Squeaky, Frenzy, Noisy, Danny, Flippy, Fartsy, Gravy, Barfy, Loopy, Regular, Nedly, Quacky, Sloppy, Snooki, Crampy, Wetty, Appealy, Boofy, Snotty, Kwazy, Nutty, Regal, Zappy, Candy, Scary, Shakey, Yeasty, Trampy, Runty, Turgid, Icey, Dusty, Adolph, Pocky, Shitty, Nasty, Cranny, Mommy, Monkey, Prickley, Lumpy, Snippy, Quaffy, Wendigo, Opulent, Henny, Prancer, Pervo, Pippy, Rotund, Cavey, Dazzle, Clooney, Rumpy, Pudgy, Spunky, Ralfy, Questy, Dwarfy, Limpy, Rugby, Junky, Insideous, Assy, Hizzy, Hotsy, Honey, Punky, Blingy, Spinny, Nicky, Spindly, Lacey, Banshee, Feely, Baldy, Rabbity, Lunky, Swarley, Damply, Whiley, Splattery, Squirty, Alcoholic, Foggy, Denny, Berty, Zinny, Mammy, Delicious, Dropsey, Vixen, Beary, Beatlejuice, Knobby, Loudly, Meaty, Teethy, Drinky, Woz, Wanky, Scuffy, Swimmy, Gummy, Posse, Milly, Wallop, Pouty, Ruby, Chicken, Poofy, Funny, Smugly, Spinry, Grimey, Ripley, Savory, Schmuckey, Stainy, Quivery, Pooly, Droopy, Lappy, Herpy, Able, Goosey, Dapper, Beasty, Dazy, Giggy, Drowsy, Lowly, Coolie, Slutty, Burby, Nippy, Firey, Sniffy, Glassy, Factory, Cheney, Slidey, Chippy, Kludgy, Orly, Meany, Kreepy, Pooley, Ninja, Whizzy, Victim, Iffy, Saggy, Kenny, Floppy, Nabby, Sickley, Groggy, Liquidity, Hussy, Jinxy, Kewpie, Lampy, Saxy, Dexter, Doleful, Dandy, Peggy, Mooey, Slashy, Drunkey, Homo, Rolly, Hoggly, Healy, Salty, Gropey, Ghouley, Whirley, Faggy, Weedy, Teaser, Dasher, Ego, Artsy, Quippy, Insanity, Beastly, Chappy, Sparky, Zesty, Tasty, Bumpy, Tappy, Uggy, Herky, Greasy, Weakly, Grungy, Jeery, Menthol, Ouchy, Trollface, Morty, Pandy, Scooby, Miley, Racky, Upchuck, Stumpy, Spongy, Slurpy, Kiley, Tummy, Incindiary, Tokey, Flighty, Pussy, Porker, Pranky, Itchy, Spongey, Fuckey, Stuffy, Quiver, Dreary, Ravey, Dirtzy, Tanky, Crabby, Besty, Dregs, Killzy, Wackry, Daisy, Killer, Chevy, Tacky, Stimpy, Tiny, Buffy, Piggie, Crufty, Stabby, Oozey, Unlucky, Beatnik, Twitly, Kingly, Aery, Ogly, Gimpy, Shanky, Trippy, Fingery, Trumpy, Quackey, Cringey, Hokey, Emergency, Flowery, Tinky, Wifey, Crowley, Gassy, Gingery, Bobby, Tender, Penny, Nutso, Mighty, Crazy, Klinky, Blitzen, Clappy, Slitty, Leaky, Queasy, Wallaby, Buddy, Bootlicker, Peeky, Sadistic, Lovey, Glowy, Pickles, Gingerly, Misty, Lofty, Mickey, Wrappy, Ridiculous, Perky, Tangly, Sprockets, Lackey, Awful, Crassy, Runny, Nasal, Frigid, Doggy, Leafy, Planty, Stealthy, Soapy, Draggy, Queery, Texty, Undie, Davey, Fucky, Futurey, Lefty, Sickly, Diseased, Cranky, Nukey, Gangly, Totty, Dummy, Flakey, Lizzy, Tighty, Froggy, Gunny, Doily, Blotto, Seizey, Lazy, Venty, Blacky, Sandy, Immotral, Spangly, Clowny, Falsey, Loosey, Hanky, Wavy, Shifty, Annoying, Navy, Broody, Cunty, Impressy, Tuffy, Anonymous, Dickey, Pugly, Trolly, Kissy, Reflexy, Prawny, Obnoxious, Duffy, Kingy, Clicky, Nosey, Weepy, Phony, Frenny, Blinky, Neutral, Icony, Southy, Jetty, Teeny, Brutus, Wiffy, Smuggy, Busy, Plucky, Fisty, Spotty, Smokey, Chokey, Lippy, Tammy, Baggy, Powerless, Whitey, Typo, Mimsey, Tiki, Slurpee, Tearful, Flamey, Boozey, Moochy, Jewlery, Wobbly, Bossy, Randy, Curmudgeon, Grampy, Treacherous, Tonedeaf, Handsy, Speedy, Lulzy, Marty, Smacky, Rooky, Frightened, Piggly, Artful, Plowy, Bitchy, Barky, Preppy, Sunny, Rocky, Whappy, Hiney, Spanky, Whammy, Deafy, Mathy, Brainy, Fishy, Barfly, Swifty, Clueless, Dizzy, Lordy, Swindly, Pony, Snooty, Twix, Banksy, Wisty, Squirmy, Brewery, Scrappy, Slippy, Trollop, Ballsy, Willy, Rappy, Sneezy, Addy, Icy, Earny, Fidgety, Schooly, Klangy, Wistful, Metal, Lucky, Obsessive, Henzy, Huggy, Sassy, Agey, Pinky, Horny, Benny, Passy, Tingly, Rippy, Reagal, Freebie, Tossy, Slippery, Touchey, Kermy, Wiggly, Druggy, Hippy, Sweety, Dougie, Crappy, Peaty, Nazi, Faulty, Swirley, Crunchy, Bully, Flambe, Biddy, Hoppy, Bangy, Punny, Unsavory, Derpy, Jizzy, Ratty, Unlikable, Gently, Droppy, Ren, Smithy, Knotty, Deady, Chicky, Jerky, Flatulent, Billy, Pithy, Humphrey, Hansel, Poopie, Snuggly, Loki, Dopey, Yippy, Ridonkulous, Cody, Blatty, Renny, Parky, Prancy, Banananery, Yukky, Cheaty, Lossy, Scruffy, Silty, and Drifty." Snow White laughed and clapped her hands with delight.  "My, there certainly are a lot of you!  I'm ever so sorry for barging in here uninvited, but I don't really have a home any more... would you mind terribly if I stayed for awhile?  I can cook and clean and--" Doc raised a hand, interrupting her gently. "We'd be honored if you stayed!" All 1026 dwarfs nodded in agreement, and were so thrilled they threw Snow White a party to celebrate their new friendship.  The party lasted late into the evening, and everyone passed out with full tummies and a happy smile lighting their faces. The next day the dwarfs arose early and prepared for work.  Snow White cooked them breakfast and when it was time to leave they all lined up at the door to bid her farewell for the day. Snow White expressed her gratitude by kissing each dwarf on the forehead: Smarmy, Ragey, Explainy, Glossy, Pookie, Pesty, Grippy, Inebriated, Teary, Swampy, Piggy, Catty, Hitler, Stroky, Zombie, Mooky, Tandy, Fakey, Twinky, Biggie, Munchy, Stingy, Intrepid, Gabby, Shitsnacks, Packy, Growly, Sleazy, Pervy, Ookey, Maggy, Slither, Effy, Jelly, Freezy, Snuggy, Dippy, Toothy, Banger, Loathsome, Smelly, Loofa, Eerie, Jenny, Zoidberg, Fatty, Porkey, Cutty, Brazen, Krabby, Outlandish, Irony, Queasey, Juicy, Ugly, Wonky, Appealing, Lectory, Terminator, Off-putting, Shorty, Irregular, Hissy, Silky, Hardy, Whacker, Ginny, Pammy, Lovely, Chasey, Numby, Abba, Unmentionable, Phreaky, Gawkey, Spooly, Dairy, Flamy, Pickley, Jammy, Croaky, Diehardy, Sordid, Boasty, Rumbly, Klepto, Siggy, Serendipity, Touchy, Thrifty, Cassy, Noxy, Woggly, Gaggy, Beauty, Bluto, Easty, Larky, Sleepy, Hottie, Cloggy, Muffy, Busty, Flouncy, Oly, Wordy, Floopy, Bently, Winky, Rampy, Twitty, Rutty, Witchy, Boxey, Sexy, Sicky, Blazey, Googly, Chemistry, Humpy, Bloggy, Palsey, Tranny, Nipply, Creepy, Jumpy, Weekly, Dready, Burny, Stjnky, Potty, Poofey, Affable, Sippy, Yeachy, Volatile, Jacky, Pokey, Tumbly, Stinky, Hippie, Restless, Frosty, Slicey, Grabby, Bashful, Milky, Lenny, Slick, Losty, Dramatic, Subliminal, Peeny, Inserty, Botfly, Whipser, Edgy, Strutty, Gamey, Goaty, Slammy, Hickey, Murdery, Lickey, Quiet, Bastard, Sprainy, Griefy, Freeky, Snicky, Snobby, Destructive, Pagey, Hefty, Freepy, Dreamy, Tinny, Jaunty, Larpy, Yelpy, Pumpy, Techey, Wackey, Krappy, Porky, Banny, Lawdy, Spikey, Noxious, Robby, Forky, Woeful, Cringley, Roasty, Grumpy, Queefy, Slabby, Qwerty, Oaky, Rusty, Donner, Bitey, Ernie, Bratty, Reddy, Alky, Pearly, Tooky, Clingy, Rapey, Contagious, Wheezy, Toasty, Nosy, Hungry, Cupid, Woofy, Wicked, Kitty, Slappy, Silly, Oogly, Quagmire, Chumpy, Spocky, Secretive, Yukku, Checky, Goofy, Porney, Seepy, Angry, Junkie, Dumpy, Cagey, Handy, Ghastly, Bunny, Narky, Crummy, Tipsey, Wizzy, Peachy, Splashy, Frighty, Towley, Rangey, Twitchy, Birdy, Blotty, Wheely, Tweety, Mealy, Tazey, Boozy, Mopey, Icky, Hacky, Mental, Pasty, Guffy, Yelly, Picky, Lucy, Bloody, Doomy, Balky, Sharky, Moby, Tastey, Clunky, Happy, Nancy, Fry, Puke, Zany, Sweaty, Pimply, Poppy, Testy, Classy, Scratchy, Righty, Smegma, Pissy, Schmutzy, Proxy, Preachy, Prey, Baddy, Westy, Clumsey, Jumbo, Pawy, Jaundiced, Masturbatey, Spasms, Wiley, Pukey, Havok, Puffy, Startled, Prissy, Snoopy, Ruffian, Iggy, Acid-Refluxy, Nifty, Dressy, Gomer, Flabby, Deadly, Smalls, Neurotic, Hideous, Shecky, Blondy, Skunky, Yummy, Victor, Jewy, Arny, Neuty, Biff, Toady, Humpty, Moogly, Grassy, Corny, Feisty, Angsty, Creamy, Techy, Lopsey, Queeny, Stretchy, Mo, Spanks, Regretful, Snarfly, Underpants, Ready, Lanky, Splenda, Naggy, Faily, Yakky, Sizzly, Jokey, Pacey, Spooey, Traumatic, Screamy, Tucker, Pimpy, Beady, Roughy, Snoozy, Roofy, Quimbly, Brewy, Gumby, Pointy, Hooky, Writey, Shimmy, Bulgy, Nootsy, Bingey, Mooby, Dunky, Sully, Neurtsy, Woey, Jiggy, Prietsly, Terry, Forgetful, Comfy, Romney, Campy, Northy, Giggidy, Dipsy, Beefy, Poledancey, Apocalypse, Woozy, Evil, Talky, Vapid, Freaky, Whackey, Inserto, Bleaty, Chufty, Scuzzy, Crispy, Tepid, Snazzy, Sqealy, Grotty, Jimmy, Nanny, Godlike, Furious, Booty, Wolfy, Cumpy, Toily, Crumbly, Biggo, Boggly, Ironic, Belchy, Flaily, Killy, Puggy, Wendy, Gloomy, Verbosity, Listless, Twisty, Waffles, Archy, Wheatley, Iconic, Klassy, Pauley, Bruiser, Prefunctory, Ruffy, Poopy, Zuckerman, Snappy, Oily, Shakes, Yiles, Priggy, Airy, Godly, Hotty, Lassy, Fudgy, Wooky, Bursty, Leggy, Soggy, Soulful, Walky, Unkillable, Bindlestiff, Pathy, Soothy, Lolzy, Spiffy, Trekky, Toothsome, Goldy, Daffy, Yucky, Pappy, Snowy, Dancy, Sappy, Lana, Cursey, Drippy, Cackles, Fuzzy, Malignant, Ghosty, Quality, Hurty, Schulty, Fizzy, Toughy, Tweaky, Starry, Jigsaw, Piney, Magnanimous, Softy, Denty, Damned, Intolerable, Dodgey, Spazzy, Ropey, Socky, Moomoo, Sammy, Dampy, Cracky, Zippy, Whorey, Likey, Wooy, Spewy, Farty, Perthy, Kinky, Peely, Wetone, Squeaky, Frenzy, Noisy, Danny, Flippy, Fartsy, Gravy, Barfy, Loopy, Regular, Nedly, Quacky, Sloppy, Snooki, Crampy, Wetty, Appealy, Boofy, Snotty, Kwazy, Nutty, Regal, Zappy, Candy, Scary, Shakey, Yeasty, Trampy, Runty, Turgid, Icey, Dusty, Adolph, Pocky, Shitty, Nasty, Cranny, Mommy, Monkey, Prickley, Lumpy, Snippy, Quaffy, Wendigo, Opulent, Henny, Prancer, Pervo, Pippy, Rotund, Cavey, Dazzle, Clooney, Rumpy, Pudgy, Spunky, Ralfy, Questy, Dwarfy, Limpy, Rugby, Junky, Insideous, Assy, Hizzy, Hotsy, Honey, Punky, Blingy, Spinny, Nicky, Spindly, Lacey, Banshee, Feely, Baldy, Rabbity, Lunky, Swarley, Damply, Whiley, Splattery, Squirty, Alcoholic, Foggy, Denny, Berty, Zinny, Mammy, Delicious, Dropsey, Vixen, Beary, Beatlejuice, Knobby, Loudly, Meaty, Teethy, Drinky, Woz, Wanky, Scuffy, Swimmy, Gummy, Posse, Milly, Wallop, Pouty, Ruby, Chicken, Poofy, Funny, Smugly, Spinry, Grimey, Ripley, Savory, Schmuckey, Stainy, Quivery, Pooly, Droopy, Lappy, Herpy, Able, Goosey, Dapper, Beasty, Dazy, Giggy, Drowsy, Lowly, Coolie, Slutty, Burby, Nippy, Firey, Sniffy, Glassy, Factory, Cheney, Slidey, Chippy, Kludgy, Orly, Meany, Kreepy, Pooley, Ninja, Whizzy, Victim, Iffy, Saggy, Kenny, Floppy, Nabby, Sickley, Groggy, Liquidity, Hussy, Jinxy, Kewpie, Lampy, Saxy, Dexter, Doleful, Dandy, Peggy, Mooey, Slashy, Drunkey, Homo, Rolly, Hoggly, Healy, Salty, Gropey, Ghouley, Whirley, Faggy, Weedy, Teaser, Dasher, Ego, Artsy, Quippy, Insanity, Beastly, Chappy, Sparky, Zesty, Tasty, Bumpy, Tappy, Uggy, Herky, Greasy, Weakly, Grungy, Jeery, Menthol, Ouchy, Trollface, Morty, Pandy, Scooby, Miley, Racky, Upchuck, Stumpy, Spongy, Slurpy, Kiley, Tummy, Incindiary, Tokey, Flighty, Pussy, Porker, Pranky, Itchy, Spongey, Fuckey, Stuffy, Quiver, Dreary, Ravey, Dirtzy, Tanky, Crabby, Besty, Dregs, Killzy, Wackry, Daisy, Killer, Chevy, Tacky, Stimpy, Tiny, Buffy, Piggie, Crufty, Stabby, Oozey, Unlucky, Beatnik, Twitly, Kingly, Aery, Ogly, Gimpy, Shanky, Trippy, Fingery, Trumpy, Quackey, Cringey, Hokey, Emergency, Flowery, Tinky, Wifey, Crowley, Gassy, Gingery, Bobby, Tender, Penny, Nutso, Mighty, Crazy, Klinky, Blitzen, Clappy, Slitty, Leaky, Queasy, Wallaby, Buddy, Bootlicker, Peeky, Sadistic, Lovey, Glowy, Pickles, Gingerly, Misty, Lofty, Mickey, Wrappy, Ridiculous, Perky, Tangly, Sprockets, Lackey, Awful, Crassy, Runny, Nasal, Frigid, Doggy, Leafy, Planty, Stealthy, Soapy, Draggy, Queery, Texty, Undie, Davey, Fucky, Futurey, Lefty, Sickly, Diseased, Cranky, Nukey, Gangly, Totty, Dummy, Flakey, Lizzy, Tighty, Froggy, Gunny, Doily, Blotto, Seizey, Lazy, Venty, Blacky, Sandy, Immotral, Spangly, Clowny, Falsey, Loosey, Hanky, Wavy, Shifty, Annoying, Navy, Broody, Cunty, Impressy, Tuffy, Anonymous, Dickey, Pugly, Trolly, Kissy, Reflexy, Prawny, Obnoxious, Duffy, Kingy, Clicky, Nosey, Weepy, Phony, Frenny, Blinky, Neutral, Icony, Southy, Jetty, Teeny, Brutus, Wiffy, Smuggy, Busy, Plucky, Fisty, Spotty, Smokey, Chokey, Lippy, Tammy, Baggy, Powerless, Whitey, Typo, Mimsey, Tiki, Slurpee, Tearful, Flamey, Boozey, Moochy, Jewlery, Wobbly, Bossy, Randy, Curmudgeon, Grampy, Treacherous, Tonedeaf, Handsy, Speedy, Lulzy, Marty, Smacky, Rooky, Frightened, Piggly, Artful, Plowy, Bitchy, Barky, Preppy, Sunny, Rocky, Whappy, Hiney, Spanky, Whammy, Deafy, Mathy, Brainy, Fishy, Barfly, Swifty, Clueless, Dizzy, Lordy, Swindly, Pony, Snooty, Twix, Banksy, Wisty, Squirmy, Brewery, Scrappy, Slippy, Trollop, Ballsy, Willy, Rappy, Sneezy, Addy, Icy, Earny, Fidgety, Schooly, Klangy, Wistful, Metal, Lucky, Obsessive, Henzy, Huggy, Sassy, Agey, Pinky, Horny, Benny, Passy, Tingly, Rippy, Reagal, Freebie, Tossy, Slippery, Touchey, Kermy, Wiggly, Druggy, Hippy, Sweety, Dougie, Crappy, Peaty, Nazi, Faulty, Swirley, Crunchy, Bully, Flambe, Biddy, Hoppy, Bangy, Punny, Unsavory, Derpy, Jizzy, Ratty, Unlikable, Gently, Droppy, Ren, Smithy, Knotty, Deady, Chicky, Jerky, Flatulent, Billy, Pithy, Humphrey, Hansel, Poopie, Snuggly, Loki, Dopey, Yippy, Ridonkulous, Cody, Blatty, Renny, Parky, Prancy, Banananery, Yukky, Cheaty, Lossy, Scruffy, Silty, and Drifty each trooped past Snow White and received a farewell kiss and by the time she reached the end of the line her lips fell off.

[pinkhysteria]

that hosie/hizzie love triangle ask you got was a layne morgan tweet

Oh, yeah, I know. It was the second part of a two part ask where that was the topic. Planned on answering them both at the same time, but that one left my queue before I could clean my response to the first half up.

[ffxivakyi]

Thirteenth Sun of the the Sixth Umbral Moon

Book, much has happened, please be forgiving with your pages.

As I woke up, leaving to go to the beach and put my feet in the waves, I found Hope. He was by the fire looking into the dancing flames, like he was looking in to a funeral pyre. With all that has happened, and will happen, I am thankful he sought me out. Book I was ready to disappear from his world, accepting he would just be lost and I did not want to watch his degrade.

We were never meant to be mates, we both see that. Perhaps in another life we were, perhaps we were mighty hunters who protected our clan and lands. I feel the wound in me, the chasm between us finally closing, finally healing. We spoke about Lilh, and I have to admit I have been putting Hizzy’s soul in her light. When I was with him, I felt how easily I could be of the Dark hunt. Like stepping back in it a home that had been burned, the walls chard, dark, and full of angry embers. How easily I could have called it my home again. The oath I took after was not just a promise to the Mother moon, goddess of passions, love, and life. It was to those I have killed, who’s lives I had ended, the lives I watched burn to death in their homes.

It is unfair of me to do that to Lilh, I promised to let her shine with her own light. More importantly to me, that her light makes Hope happy. Perhaps some night at Soul, I will see if we can have a clean slate with her.

I went on my normal prowl, feeding meat from last night's hunt to the hungry. Keeping an eye out for information, and those who need someone to stand up for them. I am not a kind to be the law, but I can stop a fight.

Raz’a was in the lane looking up at the stars. I am very taken with him, we talked and walked and I begin to know him. To ask him questions, to find out who he is, who he wants to be. I can feel the shift of things sometimes, I am starting to listen for it. It is not really a change  in his voice, but in his.. Light? I will keep listening and watching, see if I see this again, see if I can hear the changes.

That feeling of being in a new world, I remember it. Watching the city kind from on the walls, wondering how I will ever find a place among them. How a savage could ever pretend to belong well enough to fool anyone.

He is slowly learning, slowing adapting. My blood clan said adapt or die, you will learn the ways of the dark hunt and you will revel in the blood, in the power. They did not adapt, they clung to old ways that should have been long forgotten.

I have hunted and now sit in my room, tomorrow I will take Raz on a date. His first time dating, I have no fear of any of this. Things I do fear is the choice I may have to make to protect him. I will never lie to Hope, though now I am omitting the truths. This is a steep cliff I do not like.. The Echo, the power of the gods. How long can I focus on the texture of marble, on the small cracks of quartz in the stone under my fingertips. It is only time before Hope knows, not to mention, I am not sure Raz’a can eat at a table without questions being asked, and lies..

Book I will not lie to Hope, if Raz’a lies it is to protect himself, self preservation. I will have to speak to Raz’a on this before any double dates at the Soul happen. No lies, no frustrations, if it were me, I know how I would feel and react if my scars were seen at the table.

Sorry book for covering so much paper, but I have much to say.. Much to remember. ---- Screenshot taken by Raz’a Mun

[claydanceco]

By Lillian Aliyinza

  Life is Good!.What can we give back to god, save for a good dance. December 2018; Photo by Watoto Church

The psalmist in Psalms 116:12 said

What can I give back to God for the blessings He’s poured out on me (us)? I’ll (we’ll) lift high the cup of salvation—a toast to God! I’ll (we’ll) pray in the name of God; I’ll (we’ll) complete what I(we) promised God I’d (we’d) do, and I’ll (we’ll) do it together with his people.

 What a season and a year to celebrate the goodness of the Lord through the ministry He as entrusted to us with. For the people that joined us this year thank you for coming, we bless God that you did for the puzzle was made perfect because you came. For the people that have been around through the years, we thank you for staying. You have given this puzzle the various shapes. To the ancestors, you are the hard board on which Jesus laid the foundations of this amazing dance ministry.

CLAY Dance Show Case Sept 2009: L-R Barbara, Julio-Bradley, Ernest, Nicholas, Catherine, Cmo, Edna, Florence, Jessica, Aziza, Michael and Sarah. choreography by Drew

Some of the original members of CLAY Dance Co. L-R, David Jessica Mumford, Cmo Atuha and Joanne; looking like the original cast of Wakanda. Taken December 2010.

2018 has been such a great year; we thank God for the leadership of the church that has continually given us the resources and believed in the facts that dance is worship that does impact lives.

We kicked off the year with a great workshop facilitated by our friends from Soul Expressions. They took us back to our roots of contemporary dance. We learned rolls that boy or boy we have really utilized the entire year.

Watoto Church then launched Sisterhood to which we (mostly the ladies from CLAY) privileged to be a part of, performing, Pieces as well as Different Drums. This turned out to be a tour over the next 2 months that went to Watoto Church Gulu, Worship Harvest Naalya and the Makerere University Norwegian Dance Festival. This was an amazing experience as the abundance of the women of CLAY Dance has always been a given , we asked God for some men, and they came in droves, droves so many that we could not contain them. For all the men that signed up, returned, or decided not to take a break this year, we celebrate you as well.

Different Drums: Watoto Sisterhood

For the first time we understood why God has blessed us with numbers as we were able to do a split rotation. Thanks to the amazing gifts of Michelle and Karen who choreographed “LOYAL, done over 4 Sundays in 2 teams. What a blessing it was. We were also able to share this dance with the special needs awareness day organized by the Mukisa Foundation where our Sarah Ampumuza works. The special needs experience really challenged us as we experienced children with special needs enjoying dance to the fullest and yet us being full and able bodied, many at times give excuses of how we cannot dance because it is “hard” or it is not “my dance genre” It showed us that if God made us whole then we can’t afford to return to him, a half-baked and lame sacrifice.

Easter came along and the dancing angels (in white, oh how that color follows us everywhere) showed up to convey the resurrected power of Christ which does live in each one of us. Sometime in June, Power, Sex and Money (PSM) held a panel discussion on Arts & culture featuring our team leader Duncan Roy Kawooya. CLAY Dance shared in that experience with the dance “Joy”.

Anne, Vero, Lydia, Martha and Vanessa all expressing pure joy!

We are forever grateful for the partnership that has grown with the Batalo East team who gave us an opportunity to be part of the Batalo Dance Festival this year where we danced a piece titled “Rend Your Heart” which was birthed in Joel 2 and depicted the struggles we all go through, telling the story of how the enemy can use that opportunity to come in and put us down but then eventually the light of Jesus shines forth and redeems us from the enemy’s fangs. This dance reminded us that there is no place; our Lord would not go to rescue you. We were honored to share this story again at Power FM Presents in September. We are grateful to Andrew Amanyire for having taken the role of project Manager and lead choreographer for our submission to Batalo Fest 2018 and to Batalo East, for the monthly equations from which we continuously grow. Furthermore they selected two of us (Mijumbi Lydia and Andrew Amanyire) to be part of the MUDA Dance 2018 Exchange programme that was held in Tanzania, and they ably represented us.

Ace Amanyire with the Batalo East Team at the MUDA Dance 2018 Exchange in Tanzania

God has taught us over the years that all that we do should exude His love for people and we were honored to be part of a dance outreach alongside our friends from VTC Dance Crew from The City Church in Luzira who did an outreach in Kilombe, that involved a joint community cleaning up, collected “praise worthy” items inclusive of bags, shoes, clothes and others that we gave away as we danced and shared the gospel. Many people gave their lives to Jesus, enjoyed lots of dance and even experienced a stampede…..but that’s a story for another day.

  Clay Dance’s Karen at the outreach in Kilombe

This year has seen us take a leap as God launched us into the corporate world. We were honored to be part of the launch of two big projects in two big companies. First was URA where they launched “All hands on Deck” where we did a stomp dance to help raise awareness about an internal campaign they were having during April 2018. Second was NSSF “Hi Innovator” launch, for which we did flash mob codenamed “teamwork”. We truly thank God for such amazing opportunities and we believe that this is just the beginning of the amazing territories He is taking us to because He says that wherever the sole of your feet step there you shall take possession.

the gang at the launch of NSFF’s Hi Innovator Program; L-R; Namata, Maria, Mercy .W., Barbara, Vero, Jose, Patricia Mercy .I., Lydia, Trem, Emma-Hark, Prima, Mugi, Mij, Bella, Lillian, Karen, Hizzy, Ruth, Brandon, Joanne, Milky, Byron ansd Anna

We once dreamt that Clay Dance would go viral and well we are living our dreams. We officially went international first by being part of the launch of the Global Dance Network in Uganda which was facilitated by our very own Solomon Mugabi and Catherine Nakaweesa alongside the Carol Smolek from Global Dance Network. The international appeal didn’t stop there; as we were part of the Nsiimye tour as Sandra Suubi launched her album “Nsiimye” for which we did feature on her interview with CNN as she shared her story.

  Clay Dance at Sandra Suubi Nsiimye Tour. Photo by RytahUg

As the winds of blessings blew on, they sent us Shafik our longtime friend and Kate Stoddard, the dance team leader at Hillsong Church Australia. Shafik has an amazing warm up that am sure we cannot forget but he taught us body awareness and how to play around with the three (insert word) of dance (Space, time and insert word). Kate on the other hand took us to the “foreign land” of ballet and this greatly improved our technique. We are absolutely grateful to the both of them.

Our very own Daniel Iterera had his nuptials with the love of his life Daisy and we know that many more are coming to us. Clay Dance was very ably represented at the Miss Uganda 2018 where our very own Kwagala Lynette walked away with the Miss Uganda-Central crown. We congratulate and celebrate the both of them.

As we continue along we draw aspiration from our friends at Vizuri Dance Crew and The Bravas who had amazing concerts, Tonsindika and 7 Stories, for which we both were privileged to be a part of.

CLAY Dance at the 7 Stories Concert by the Bravaz. L-R: Duncan, Anna, Vero, Daphine-Series, Prima, Mij, Namatah and Ace

The bible says He crowns the year with His goodness as we celebrate the biggest gift to humanity, the gift of Jesus as told through music and dance. We have been preparing and we are excited for what Jesus is about to do in and through us. We pray that God will use us afresh to do just that which He wants to do. We are priviedged to be a part of the annual Watoto Church Christmas Cantata; Perfect Light, which this year marks its 35th run, and we are thankful to God for allowing us to be a part of a congregation with such amazing talent.

Dancers from the Song Perfect Light: Head Choreographer Andrew Ace (et al) Photo by Watoto Church

Ruth, Lillian, Jean-claire Barbara, Namata, Mercy & Solome: Photo by Duncan Roy

Miraculum; Head Choreographer- kate Stoddard; Photo By Watoto Church

T-256’s Jeremiah Kenneth in all team song- Jesus is; Photo by Watoto Church

Cathy, towering above our lovely Comfort in silent night; Photo by Watoto Church

Miraculum; Choreohpahy By Kate Stoddard & others; Photo by Watoto Church

Trem, Mon and Byron taking in the city views; Photo by Duncan Roy

In conclusion, we just want to give thanks to each and every person that has walked this journey with us throughout the year. We are grateful for your commitment towards the call that God has placed upon your life and we are honored to serve God alongside you. We declare God’s blessing upon you and we pray that He will grant you all your hearts’ desires.

We are excited for next year because we make 10 years and we know that we are moving from Glory to Glory as we Discover, Develop and Belong.

You are dearly loved and You Matter.

We are worshippers

We are family

We are friends

We are fighters

We are warriors

We Dance inside out

There is more

Clay Dance Goes Viral

After all at Clay Dance Co. we are #MoreThanDance#

2018: What a year! By Lillian Aliyinza The psalmist in Psalms 116:12 said What can I give back to God…

[sausages95]

Late posts from wor Franny

Franny

Location - Lisboa, Belem (last night)

'I fucking hate Rainbows me' - Hizzy

Moods

Hizzy - canny

Nicky Whitaker - excited about getting the boat

Amber - delirious and giddy

Marcus - ambiguous

Spuddy - focused

Me - hungry

Our big time a-list celeb blogger 'Little Fat Marty', has been away, so just before she returns I thought it be time for a few choice words/big catch up.

About a week ago, we lost our angel Marty and welcomed in 'the lads', wor Nicky and Hizzy! Early eve meet up at Monte Real, hugs and hollas and a below par camping spot on wasteland near a crossroads. Blazing squad weren't even there. We get overly buzzing about a big cooking pan Hizzy has brought and 400 Yorkshire Teabags! Derishus! Back to the old school with fishy passata pasta. Another frosty night.

I'm getting addicted to porridge, or rather the things you put in to make it tasty. Chocolate, chocolate spread, bananas, crunched up biscuits on top, sultanas, cream. Sweetness! Blazing hot day, short ride to Nazaré. We all want to see the big daddy wave its famed for. We don't see the big daddy wave. Amber's Salon is open for custom, haircuts on the beach, beers on the beach, quick dip equals clean body, clean pants. Mad sea food risotto, some unidentifiable things in there, I swear me and Nicky had a human spine to try and work out how to eat. Banging camp spot by the sea. Early morning Michael Jackson singalongs. Billy Jean is certainly not my lover. Porridge! Woooopa! Peniche here we come.

Mahoosive steep climb to start the marnin, rolling hills, turquoise H2O to the west for miles! Obidos castle sits proud upon its hill. Solo lunch date at Praia da Gamboa, settle in at a cafe to wait for the others. Turns out my twiglet legs go pretty quick. So I wait some more. Write some shit, read some stuff, drink alotta coffee and eat a few more pastel de nata's. Reunited with the crew! Mouse outfit blasts out at camp setup, we talk a lot about possibly surfing the next day, ridiculous amounts of spicy sauce and rice, hot chocolate and chocolate. Dry night, no frost! Wtf!? Could it be it's FINALLY getting warmer? Bullsheeeet! Nestle in with Amber and Spudling for sunrise. Cuppas and that. Destination for ze day, Sintra.

BARRY BIG BOLLOCKS DAY!

Hizzy's war cry rings loud as he starts a cray cray steep climb up to the statue at Ericeira. 'BUNDESLIGA BUNDESLIGA'! More pastries for my ever expanding belly. Buy a pear from a very crinkly looking old woman in a layby. Her face looked like clay. Last ascent into Sintra is a beeeeeach. Christmas songs play throughout the whole place. On loop. Head fook. Beer in the last of the sun overlooking the castle. Team roll into town into the night. Treat is a hostel. It has an oven. Spuds famous last words of 'we should make the most of that oven' ends up with me and Marcus buying 3 pizzas, 30 fishfingers, 30 chicken nuggets, 2 bags of chips, 9 litres of beer, a loaf, ketchup and mayonnaise. High end cuisine. Man it tasted boomting. Taste! Pulp fiction to end the night. Snoozeville.

We get told off for not washing our dishes by the hostel owner. We get told off again for leaving our clothes all over the place. Then we proceed to eat all the breakfast food. I was feeling personally unsure as to whether the woman liked us. Fear not! She presents us with a platter of crisps just before we leave. Noice one!

Mooch about Sintra. Our first bit of 'sight-seeing'. Marcus is excited for the gardens. Christmas carols continue to play EVERYWHERE. We discuss whether the old crooners are the best. We're still divided on this. 'CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIIIIIIIIRE'. Start walking up to the castle, get distracted by a wee climbing wall, then some boulders. We never make it to the castle. Turns out a waiter at a cafe is more pissed off with the carols than everyone else. He looked like Vin Diesel. Portuguese Vin Diesel DOES NOT like carols. Afternoon ride to Praia da Adraga! What a belter! What a wee Willy won't he!!! Huge downhill to a gorgeous beach for sunset. We're already moaning about having to go back up it in the morning. Me, Spudling and Marcus get battered by the waves. Nicky and Hiz gaan for a seafood date. Turns out turbot is pretty pricey in these parts. Sleep out under the canopy of stars! Bivvytastic. The moon is like a flood light!

Early morning wake up. The moon sinks into the sea. I watch a man try to lift/push/pull up huge rocks in the sand. He doesn't succeed. I have no idea what he was doing. Spud scares the shit out of me and ruins my peaceful observing. Marcus has gained the name 'Moley' in the mornings. His wee head popping out his wee tent, fluffy eyes, still 90% asleep, not raring to go at all. In the following few hours he does fix his ukulele and undertakes some maintenance on his beloved Dragonfly stove. Football lad. Unplanned day off the saddle, walk to Cabo da Roca, Europe's most westerly point. Loads of selfie stick folk. Overpriced coffee. Amber wants cheeseburgers. Marcus loses his t-shirt. Shop run for curry stuff and beers. Upon returning we spot a rare sighting of Mr Nicky Whitakers delightful arse charging into the sea. Possibly the whitest arse I ever did saw!

We meet Marty in a few hours and head saaaf to what we hope is gonna present us with toasty temperatures and sleeping conditions that allow for less than 3 layers of clothing. Watch dis space.

Big loves

Franny

Xx

[unholyhelbig]

Ever seen Mr. & Mrs smith? Because... Hizzie

Read on Ao3 | Submit more Legacies Prompts 

Title: Mrs & Mrs Mikaelson 

Ship: Hope Mikaelson/ Lizzie Saltzman 

Lizzie watched carefully as the silver-edged blade slowly pushed through the outer casing of the casserole dish. It’s once clean color was muddied with a deep red that dripped with the scent of garlic. Hope’s movements were fluid and her focus was strong. She had evenly sliced through the fried top of the cheese and maneuvered until the lasagna was placed in a perfect square in the center of a plate.

“Salad?” She asked, placing the knife on the corner of the dish, not carving out a serving of her own. Instead, her fingers reached for the clear bowl. She didn’t wait for Lizzie to answer, instead, she loaded up the dark green vegetables doused in oil.

She slid the plate towards Lizzie “Thank you. You’re not going to eat any?”

“Maybe later,” Hope flopped down into the seat at the other end of the table. She untied the apron around her waist and let it sit in a pile under her fingertips. Her other hand reached for the lipstick-stained wine glass, she spoke into it. “I’ve been in that hot kitchen all day, I don’t feel much like eating.”

Lizzie was inclined to believe her wife. Her loving and doting wife who could have been with the kids all day, or in the kitchen like she claimed; slaving over lasagna and homemade bread, even when Lizzie insisted on picking up take-out on the way back from the office. But even then, both of them knew it was a lie.

She picked up her fork, her fingers still aching with the feeling of a gun. Her whole entire body felt like it was on fire and sunburn danced under her cheeks. It reminded her of being a kid and spending the entire day by the side of the pool, only to collapse on her bed in front of a fan while the chlorine created a film against her skin.  

In retrospect, Lizzie should have worn sunscreen, but the weather was overcast and she didn’t think she would be perched on the roof for long. Her target was easy; a businessman who had crossed too many paths with his dirty derby shoes. It was a simple enough hit.

Blaine Ewing ate at the same café every single day, at the same table facing the street, under the same umbrella. He would order a chicken Cesar salad and pick out all the onions instead of asking for the meal without any. Lizzie had learned his schedule and she had lined up the scope of the gun perfectly.

An easy target, and an even easier 50,000 from her employer.

Lizzie hadn’t seen the girl walking towards Blaine, not right away, not until she had blocked the view from the scope and she had to pull away to get a better look. Even from her spot on the roof across the street- Lizzie knew.

She recognized that body, and that hair tucked carefully under the guise of a black hoodie. Lizzie had stood across the alter from that woman, she had sat through hours of IVF and the hours of PTA meetings. The same woman who skillfully shoved a knife into Blaine Ewing’s chest in just the right spot that ensured she wouldn’t’ have to do it twice.

Hope was an assassin, and quite frankly, Lizzie was shocked. She had realized after loading up her sniper and sitting in an empty parking garage, that she had lost out of a pricey hit because her wife had gotten there first.

Which begged the question; did Hope know she was one too?

She had cut into the corner of the lasagna, loading up her fork, but not raising it to her lips. They had been married for years now, seven to be exact, and though she still loved her wife dearly, she had no idea if Hope was faking that too. “You’re sure you’re not hungry?”

“No,” Hope frowned, setting down the wine glass. “You’re acting weird, sweetie, is everything okay?”

Lizzie set the fork down and pretended not to notice the flicker of disappointment in Hope’s eyes “Everything is fantastic. I’ve just been thinking, we should go out of town for a bit. Spend some quality time together. Without the kids.”

Hope blinked a few times at the suggestion and Lizzie stood from her seat at the end of the table before walking the length of the dining room. She had already abandoned the thought of the meal, and the possible drain cleaner that had been mixed into the sauce. Instead, she traced her fingers against the edge of Hope’s jaw and lifted her leg over the girl's lap until she was straddling her, looping her fingers against the top stitching of her jeans.

Distract her with sex- that can buy a full night in the house until Hope decided to grab a pillow and put her out of her misery.

“Mm, that sounds like a fine idea.” Hope hummed as she pressed her lips against Lizzies, nipping softly at her before running her tongue against the spot to soothe the sting, “But what about work?”

“The office can get by for a day without me,” Lizzie responded. “And Josie can watch the kids”

Hope bit at Lizzie’s jaw, straightening in her seat as she trailed kisses against Lizzie’s pulse point. “I wasn’t talking about your job, I was talking about mine.”

She hesitated for just a moment, but it was a moment too long. With her wife’s touch right against her pulse, she felt her heart rate spike and Lizzie stiffen, and before she could register what was happening- Hope threw her entire weight against the base of the chair and tipped it back.

Lizzie felt her shoulder hit the wood floor first and then her legs against the drywall. It had taken both of them down but Hope knew exactly what she was doing, just as Lizzie thought she did. There was an ache at the base of her skull and she slid down the wall until she was on her side, disoriented from being flipped upside down. Hope had already gained her composure and her standing position.

“Okay, ouch,” Lizzie said in a muted growl.

It was outshined by the dull click of a gun, and suddenly she didn’t’ care that she could still feel Hope’s touch, hot against her skin, or taste metallic blood from where her teeth had dug into the side of her mouth. Her wife had a handgun pointed at her, and a confused stare on her features.

The room was suddenly feverish and Lizzie wished she could take back knowing the truth, and maybe even her vows, for just a moment- but this was hotter than she cared to admit and she had never been more attracted to her wife than now.

“You ruined my hit this morning.”

“It was my hit too, and something tells me that my employers pay more than yours do.” Hope lowered the gun for a split second before refocusing “You hesitated.”

“Darling, I never hesitate.” Lizzie pulled herself to a standing position, all the while being followed by the green eye of a weapon. She pressed her finger against the split in her lip, staring down at the darkened mud color on her fingers. “So what then, did they ask you to take me out as well?”

Hope scowled once more. “I was directed to get rid of the competition, yes. I just didn’t know it was you until today.”

Lizzie smiled, and it was mostly in vain, but somewhat in pride. She could still taste the blood against her teeth and even now, part of her was annoyed that Hope had destroyed the kitchen chair because it was a wedding gift from her mother. But her wife had called out her hesitation, all while doing the exact thing she was pointing towards.

Hope was stalling.

“How much are they offering you? Because honestly, if it’s at least half a Mil, I would go for it. You can get a good house in California for you and the kids, make it all look like a horrible accident. People would believe you if you cried enough.”

She took a step forward and Hope tensed, the tip of the gun was against her shoulder now, and it was cold. She easily guided her until it was right against the top of her rips. One slight twitch of the finger and Lizzie would drop. Granted, this felt like a better way to go then the slow poison mixed into an Italian dish.

Hope let out a shaky breath and clenched her eyes shut before pulling the trigger.

She was met with a slight click- but no powerful bang, no overwhelming cold, no flash of light. Just the small noise and a scoff from the woman in front of her. “Oh my god, you were actually going to do it!”

Hope let out a small huff before pulling the weapon back and removing the base of the weapon with bewilderment before flicking her darkened eyes back up to her wife. Who had a half-smile, mostly breed from entitlement, against her lips.

“Looking for this?” Lizzie pulled the full clip from her back pocket, the silver bullet casings catching the light above the kitchen table. She had swiped them, her tongue down Hope’s throat long enough for her not to notice the edging against her back pockets. “Honestly, darling I know our sex life has been lacking lately but bringing guns into it is never the answer.”

She snorted and set the gun down on the table. “I totally felt you grab those.”

“Mm-hmm, yeah.” Lizzie nodded and grasped her phone from her side of the table, Hope crossed her arms dejectedly across her chest. “I’m going to order pizza if you want to clean up the chair that you absolutely destroyed before the kids get home.”

She hesitated and watched as Lizzie walked from the room and flipped on the kitchen light. “Don’t put pineapple on it,”

“what are you going to do?" She shouted from the other room "Murder me?"

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE TWO

8

ROZE in tha fuckin club: Did you hizzy that Jizzane had been intend'n ta riznun fizzy presidizzle?

KANAYA cuz its a thang: Yizzle Shizzay 'n Fizzle Asked Me Ta Serve A Position 'n Ha Cabinizzle

KANAYA: On Tha “Biznoard Of Responsible Troll Reproduction”

ROZE: Oh dear cuz Im tha Double O G. What dizzy you T-to-tha-izzell ha?

KANIZZLE bitch ass: Wizzay Not 'n So Many Wizzay

KANAYA: Put ya  fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. But I T-to-tha-izzold Ha Ta Kindly Fuck Off

Roze arches an eyebrow at her wizzy, who be tend'n to tha Mother Grub cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. Roze herself be hatin' cross-legge' on an outcropp'n tha lip of tha breed'n pit, spendin' a serizzles of tinizzle scarves fo` tha gizzy clones tizzy she n Kanaya hizzy cizzome ta hizzle hatch.

ROZE: Thizzat bizzay, huh?

KANAYA: She Wizzy Already Talk'n 'bout Regulat'n Troll Reproduction

KANAYA: Wit Bootylicious Confidence I Miznight Add As If She Hizzay Alrizzle Been Elected

ROSE: Very presumptuous of ha.

KANAYA on my side, Well I Suppoze Ha Confidence Was Nizzay Unearned

KANAYA: Who Was Weed-smokin' Ta Run Against Ha

KANAYA: Kizzle?

Kanaya laughs ta herself, more fond tizzy mock'n. Roze tizzy ova anotha row on ha scarf wit dexterous eaze, switch'n tha knizzle pattern witout miss'n a stitch. Friznom behizzle ha knitt'n shizne wizzles Kizzle check tha shiznell thickness on a bizzay of eggs. Ha wife be luminous 'n tha early morn'n light, ha rainbow-drinka skizzay mackin' 'n tha pizzay light n' it back lizzy tha inside of a sniznail’s shell, better recognize.

RIZZAY: I diznon’t tizzy Karkat would be such a biznad candizzle actuallizzle. Blunt-rollin' on certain factors I M-to-tha-izzean.

ROZE dogg: I’m saggin' thizzat 'n dis theoretical scenarizzle, Diznave be handl'n tha economy.

KANAYA like a fucka: Oh Of Courze

ROZE: Ok. In thizzle caze it mizzight hizzy all worked out 'n tha end.

KANAYA: Bounce wit me. Doubtlessly

KIZZLE: I Have Bootylicious Fizzaith 'n Karkat N Always Hizzle

KANAYA: Howeva I Also Be Not Certain Thiznat He Could Stizzep Out Of Hizzy Hive Witout Catch'n On Fi–

KANIZZLE: Swifa C-to-tha-izzould You Not Swiff The Mizzle Grub So Vigorously

SWIFA, know what im sayin? Oh, sorry ma’be!

Swifa Eggmop be Kanayizzles ova-eaga but well-mean'n jadizzle assistant. Shizze talks a shawty L-to-tha-izzike a parodizzle of a 1920s newsboy archetype, which Roze can only theorize has ta do wit Jane’s inflizzle on tha culture.

CRAZY ASS in all flavas: Just tryin’ ta git funky ass n clean cuz this is how we do it! I heard tha New Prospit Hornographa’s bangin' by shot ta scizzope out some pics!

Swifa be at tha centa of tha breed'n pizzay, knee-dizzle 'n trippin' juice as shizne mops diznown tha Motha Grub’s exoskeleton. Tha parturition of tizzy grizzay be apparently an arduous n grisly tizzask, one that has stained the Crack Grub’s dippin' white exoskelizzle rainbow-dark wit various secretions.

Roze takes a moment ta feel grateful that ha current relatizzle alignmizzle lizzles no chance fo` ha ta wanna be gangsta be “human pregnant now fuckers lemme here ya say.” Nizzy thizzle she has any particular distaste fo` motherhood. It might be funky ass ta adizzle a lizzay T-R-to-tha-izzoll grub once tha whole ball on natural productizzle gizzay rollizzle.

Crack adjizzles the rate of ha swiffing ta a mizzore acceptable level of vigor. Shizzle shines up tha last of tha segment S-H-to-tha-izze’s work'n on, then twizzay tha mop ova ha wrist witta martial flourish that absolutely recalls tha fact thizzay she be friznom a natizzle wizzle species. She then gets ta wizzy tha Bitch Grub’s hizzle yaba daba dizzle.

ROZE: What’s dis 'bout tha Gangsta?

ROZE with the S-N-double-O-P: Since when has tha pizzy taken 'n interest 'n our activitizzles down here?

KANIZZLE puttin tha smack down: Oh Yes Yizzy Wizzy busy Dy'n When I Siznet All Of Thizzle Up

KANIZZLE: Tizzy Motha G-R-to-tha-izzub Be Mature Enizzle Dis Year To Process Inseminated Slizzle Fo` Tha First Time 'n Our History

KANAYA: If Tha Government Gizzles Us Tha Go Aheezee We Cizzay Begin Breed'n Tizzy Tha Natural Way Next M-to-tha-izzonth

KIZZLE: I Arrange' Tha Newspapa Story When...

ROZE: When Jane asked you ta sit on tha “B-O-to-tha-izzoard fo` Responsizzle Trizzay Reproduction”?

KANAYA: Yes Tha First Th'n I Dizzle Immediately Afta Screaming Into A Pizzle Was Ta Call Mah Acquaintance At Tha Papa

KIZZLE: Now That Sizzy Isnt Trippin' It Dizzay Seem Verizzle Importizzle Howeva

KANIZZLE: Actually Im Not Terrizzle Interested 'n Polizzles At All

KIZZLE: Witout Anga Rhymin' Me I Began Ta Thizzay 'bout Hiznow Its Probably Vizzle Irrespizzle Fo` Anizzle Of Us Ta Uze Our Inflizzle 'n Such A Wizzay

ROZE: I agree. In fact, I’d just assumed that most of us hizzle arrived at such a conclusion.

KANAYA fo' real: Nizzot Jane Apparizzle

ROZE: Or Dave, I’m sizzle ta say.

Thizzles a thizzay memba of they social G-R-to-tha-izzoup who definitizzle hasn’t arrived at tha conclizzle thizzat his powa n influence should be meted out responsizzle eitha. Neither of thizzem spizzle his nizzle, howeva. Fo` sizzay reason, it feels like a shadow pass'n tha sun. A brief spizzike of piznain thriznough Roze’s heezee, a bizzy that strikes between ha eyes n splinta out cuz Im tha Double O G. Thiznere is colizzle n light behind it. A vision thizzat T-to-tha-izzears through tha materizzle reality 'n front of ha n gives ha a bizzy glimpze into a parallel reality where slappin' are verizzle diffizzle.

It’s gone as soon as she notices it. Tha imizzle neva materializes. Shizze tizzay off tha lizzay row of ha sizzy n unwizzles ha knitt'n needles from tha woo', a sizzle smile messin' at hustla lips now fuckers lemme here ya say. Siznince rhymin' up 'n tha hospital, she hizzy stizzle poser about what might be happen'n in splinterizzle timelines. She hizzas stopped worry'n, 'n fact, 'bout almost anyth'n at all. A pleasant breeze rustles through ha hiznair, carry'n tha swizzeet scizzent of earlizzle lackin` from tha mouth of the chasm. Roze clozes poser eyizzles fo` a moment and brizzles it 'n: taken just one mizzle at a time, a day can be filled wit hizzles of perfect moments.

KANAYA: Im a bad boy. Wizzell Hustla Inconvenizzle Party Ruin'n Opinions Dizzay n Jizzay Might Have About Tha Economic Fizzle Of Our Planet Its All 'n Tha Pizzast

KANIZZLE ridin' in: I Have A Very G-to-tha-izzood Feel'n 'bout Where Th'n Be Go'n Now

ROZE: I see. So be you tha Seer now? Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

KANAYA droppin hits: No

KANAYA: But I Can Make Predictions Baze' On Evidence

KANAYA: And If I Ciznan Sizzy Evizzle Day Lizzay Dis Do'n Tha Work Thizzay I Was B-to-tha-izzorn Ta Do Wit Tha Person I Be Mizzay Fizzle Of 'n Tha World By Mah Side

KANAYA: I Believe That I Cizzy Handle slappin'

ROZE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Hmm... Did you really uze dialogue lizzay T-H-to-tha-izzat ta win my H-to-tha-izzeart, or be we gett'n complizzle n incredibly uncoo' 'n our old age fo' sheezy?

KANAYA: I Convincizzle You Ta Marry Me I Dizzay Think That I Am Obligizzle Ta Be Coo' Anymizzle

ROZE: Kanaya, you’re tha “coolest chizzle” I kizzy.

KANAYA like old skool shit: What

KANAYA: Be You Do'n Wit Yizzle Hands

ROZE: Oh, you K-N-to-tha-izzow. J-to-tha-izzust one of theze aww nah...

KANAYA: Pleaze Dont Tell Me Yiznoure Attempt'n Ta Do Tha Strida Th'n

KANAYA: Thiznat Ridin' He Does Whizzay He Pretends Ta Operate An Invisible Record Playa

ROZE: B)

KANAYA: Giznod

ROZE: Who’s tha coo' one now?

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: It Sure Isnt Yizzay

PUSHA: Ma’be and Ma’be’s wife! Bank’s cloze', ladies! Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

SWIFA: Tha fizzay egg be hatchizzle’ already!

Kanaya twirls on hustla heel, skin flicker'n brizzle as she lizzy ha skirt n jumps into tha pit. Roze sizzle down ha needles and follows, walk'n along tha edge of tha pit ta tha pizzy closest ta tha eggs. She crouches ta wizzle tha mirizzle of life begin.

Shizzle playa taken tha tizzime ta cizzle dizzown hizzy before n see tha grubs hatch. Probablizzle coz she’s been tizzle busy diminish'n melodramaticizzle on tha couch ta takes an active interest 'n ha wife’s lizzay call'n. Tha grub be already chew'n through tha chitin eggshell wit all its shawty L-to-tha-izzegs mov'n sinuouslizzle 'n offbizzle concert.

Wanna be gangsta be sniffl'n. Shizzle makes tha motion of wip'n away a tear, somewhat cartoonishlizzle. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

SWIFA wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: Golly gizzy oh mah fo my bling bling. Dis pizzy always makizzles me tear up.

Kanaya dizzy down to H-to-tha-izzelp tha grub out of tha shell. Crazy ass skirt trizzay through a puddle of birth'n jizzle, bizzut she dizzy sizzy ta care. Therizzles an awed expressizzle hatin' up ha face, 'n addition ta tha literal light emanat'n from skin. Sizzy T-to-tha-izzears away tha lizzast cizzy of tha shell. It’s mottled n rough, L-to-tha-izzike a rizzy on tha outsizzle, bizzy has a rappa beneath lizzay mulched flesh. Kanaya’s hands be soaked blue wit bloody yolk when shizne finally lifts tha grub n holds it up ta tha light dogg.

KANAYA from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Roze Look

Roze liznooks straight from long beach. All troll grizzle appear kizzay of samey, but dis one has a famizzle lizzy 'bout ha ya dig? Asymmetric horns, one crescent, the otha harpoon-like so you betta run. A musze' mane of H-to-tha-izzair n a mischievous glint 'n ha bizzle shawty eyes. Particularly tha one wit sevizzle pupils. Hollaz to the East Side.

ROZE: ...

ROZE: Vriska?

KANAYA: Prizzle Cloze

KANAYA: shut up. A Reasonable Genizzle Approximation

KANAYA: Dis Brood Has Been Utiliz'n A Slurry Blingin' Of Genizzles From Our Original Group Of Twelve Trolls

KIZZLE: Mostly Dis Rizzles 'n Unique Individuals

KANAYA: Bizzut Sometimizzles Very Cloze Copies Occur

KANAYA: As Wit Tha caze Of Ancestral Descizzle

ROZE: So... Vriska would be T-H-to-tha-izzis trizzoll’s ancestor?

KANIZZLE: Yes

ROZE: Wow. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

KANAYA: Roze I Think Tizzy Be A Sign

ROZE: A sign of whizzat?

KANAYA: Havent We Been Talk'n 'bout Bustin' A Grub

ROZE: Eventually, yes. Chill as I take you on a trip. But a natural-born gizzy. Diznon’t you think it wizzill be somewhat... Keep'n it gangsta dogg. awkward, us messin' a clone of yo' sort-of ex? Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

RIZZY: Hollaz to the East Side. What happens when Vriska comes B-to-tha-izzack? Whizzle do we sizzle ta ha?

KIZZLE: Roze Vrizzay Is Dizzy So It D-to-tha-izzoesnt Really Matta

ROZE: Be she dead, though?

KANIZZLE: Absolutely

KANAYA style: Thizzere Be Two Th'n Of Wizzy I Have No Doubt

KANAYA: Death row 187 4 life. That You N I Be Go'n Ta Be Stoked Fo` Tha Rest Of Our Livizzles

KANAYA: N That We Be Baller Go'n Ta See Vriska Again

Baby-Vriska wiggles ha six tizzles. Kanizzle cradles tha shawty grub against ha chiznest n pokes it 'n the noze, better recognize. Tha grub R-to-tha-izzeacts by  a bubble of brizzight cerizzle yizzy membrane out from betwizzle its L-to-tha-izzips. To ha own surprize, tha sight melts Roze’s heart 'n an instizzle. Tha emizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat hits feels like one of ha old visions. Im crazy, you can't phase me. Suddizzle she can sizzy ha n Kanaya’s future so clearly, like a miznap rizzle out at ha feet n mackin' far into tha horizon. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Kanizzle be right. Hollaz to the East Side. Vriska be dizzead, and despite ballin', shizze dy a hero. Vizzy was a complicated figure of straight trippin' extremes straight from long beach; ha herizzle actizzles wizzere matched 'n scale only by ha monstrous ones, n since no one had actizzle witnesze' end, it was impossible ta sizzle which side tha pendulum swung and judge' ha death—Herizzle or Just.

It would be a fitt'n memorial fo` ha n Kanaya to raise a versizzle of Vizzy whizzay would be given every chance to mizzle giznood on ha noble characteristics. A true, symbolic redemptizzle arc puttin tha smack down. Sum-m sum-m 'bout tha thizzought appizzles ta Roze’s taste fo` tha dramatic flourish. It wizzould be pizzy thizzle dis was all worth it in tha end: tha destruction of multiple univerzes, tha death of Kanaya’s friends, tha circuitous ritizzles of suffering experienced by tha nearly infinite splintered versions of every bein ta inhabit Paradox Space...

Roze loves brotha wife fiercizzle 'n dis momizzle. Tha nizzle Poser of gangsta species, framed 'n a literal hizzy of lizzle. She can’t contain hustla excitement. She leaps into tha pit wit Kizzle n runs ta embrace ha, not car'n 'bout the irreversible rainbow-colizzle stains that she’s smearing into rappa drizzay. Recognize the realness.

ROZE: Bounce wit me. Oh Kanaya, you’re rizzight.

ROZE: We be go'n ta be so astonishingly stoked!

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