#tiktok had me recovering lost memories this morning

[thoughtless-errant-gnat]

stucky.... i haven't heard that name in years....

[favefandomimagines]

I Never Planned on You 3

AN: chapter 3 even after the first two parts kind of flopped but hey i like this series and i’m hoping it’ll get better since harry potter tiktok is still somewhat thriving 

sorry for going awol!! i was on a family trip and wanted to unplug for a bit! but i appreciate your patience and i’ll try to have a more structured posting schedule! i also apologize that this was so short, the next chapter will be much longer!!

taglist: @x-lulu​

After Kendra’s talk with George, she knew that she needed to find Harry. Professor Trelawney said that he was the only other student to have the Grim in his tea leaves. What were the odds that both her and Harry Potter had the same fortune? 

She caught up to the young before he entered the Gryffindor common room. “Harry!” She called. “Oh, hi Kendra.” He greeted her. “May I talk to you for a moment?” She asked. “Of course.” He said. Harry told Hermione and Ron to go on without him as he hung back with Kendra. 

“What did you need to talk about?” Harry asked. “This afternoon in Divination, Professor Trelawney saw something in my tea leaves. She said that you were the other student to have the same thing.” She started. “You had the Grim too?” Harry questioned. 

Kendra nodded her head slightly before Harry spoke again. “Do you think it has anything to do with your father?” He asked. “I-I really don’t know. Everyone thinks I know what’s going on but I don’t.” Kendra answered. “I believe you. You haven’t spoken to your father in 11 years, how would you know anything?” Harry replied.

“Thank you, Harry.” She smiled. The two entered the common room, splitting up to go to their respective friend groups. 

“Kendra, we need to have a little discussion.” Angelina said as Kendra approached her three friends. “And what might that be?” She questioned. “What’s going on between you and George?” Alicia asked. “What? Nothing, we’re just friends.” Kendra said.

Angelina, Katie and Alicia all exchanged a look before looking back at Kendra. “He’s always the first person to defend you and the first person to check on you. Especially with recent events.” Angelina said. “Fred is also your friend and he doesn’t do that nearly as often as George.” Katie added.

“We’ll just wait and see tomorrow. We’re all going to Hogsmeade, maybe he’ll personally invite you.” Alicia teased. “Actually, you can count me out for Hogsmeade. I’m not really feeling up to it.” Kendra said. “What?” The twins interjected in unison. “Kendra, you have to come. We’ve been waiting all term for this and even with recent events, they’re still letting us go.” Fred said. 

The older twin nudged his brother, knowing if anyone could make Kendra join them at Hogsmeade, it was George. 

“Please, Kendra. We haven’t been able to hang out like we did over the Summer before you left.” George said. “You’re really laying it on thick aren’t you, Weasley.” Kendra commented. “If it’ll make you say yes.” He replied. “Fine. I will come to Hogsmeade. But I’m only doing it for you.” She finally said, earning soft cheers from friends. “Only for George, aye?” Fred poked. “And for all of you.” Kendra corrected herself before shooting Fred a glare. 

Fred had been trying to set up his brother and best friend since third year. To no avail. They were both too scared to tell the other in fear of ruining their friendship with each other. But Fred knew better. He knew both like the back of his hand and if they needed a few friendly nudges, then so be it. 

Later that evening, when everyone went to bed, Kendra couldn’t sleep a wink. She tried everything and she didn’t want to bother Madame Pomfrey at such a late hour. So she resorted to sitting on the velvet couch in the common room, reading a muggle book Hermione had lent her. 

As she was just reading about the tragic affair of Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan, the sound of shuffling knocked her out of it. 

“Oh, Kendra, I didn’t know anyone would be up.” Harry’s voice alerted her. “Oh, hi Harry. Couldn’t sleep either?” Kendra questioned. “You can say that.” The boy replied. “Well, we can be insomniacs together.” She said. “I actually wanted to ask you something.” Harry said. “Of course, go right ahead.” She told him. 

“Do you remember anything about my parents? I know you were young when they died but you said you knew them.” He asked. 

Kendra closed her book and turned her attention to the young boy in front of her. “I don’t remember much but I do remember one thing. It was before my mother was killed and we were at your house. You were just born and my mother was good friends with yours. It’s my earliest memory actually. I was sitting on the floor, my mother and Lily were fawning over you,” Kendra started with a laugh. 

“And your father sat down on the floor with me and gave me this little doll made out of scraps of clothing. Lily had made it in case they had a girl so James gave it to me. He made sure I wasn’t going to feel left out. He was a very kind man, your father. Knew how to make people laugh, so Remus told me.” She finished.

Harry smiled at the recollection of Kendra’s memory. “So you knew Professor Lupin on the train?” He asked. “Yes. When I lost both of my parents and I was sent to live with the Malfoy’s, Remus did everything he could to get me out of that house. Him and my aunt Andromeda made sure I wouldn’t be forced to share the same ideologies that made the Black’s a very infamous pureblood family. That’s putting it lightly.” She answered. 

“This might be a sensitive subject but do you think your father wants to kill me?” Harry questioned. “Of course not, Harry. My father could never hurt you or anyone who is innocent.” Kendra said. 

Harry nodded his head curtly before Kendra stood up. “Seems talking with you as done the trick to make me want to sleep. So I thank you for that. Goodnight, Harry.” She said. “Goodnight, Kendra.” Harry replied. 

—

The next morning, an abundance of students stood out in the courtyard of the castle, handing their permission slips to Professor McGonagall.

Kendra handed her’s to the older woman. before going to join her friends off to the side. “So, where to first?” Angelina asked. “Let’s go to Honeydukes! I told my brother I’d send him some chocolate frogs!” Alicia answered. “George and I need to run to Zonko’s. We have some new products to plan.” Fred commented. 

“Kendra, where do you want to go?” He added. “I’ll come with you to Zonko’s. I really don’t need to be tempted by Honeyduke’s.” She joked. “Well come on then, Kendra! We have so little time!” George exclaimed dramatically.

The younger twin grabbed her wrist and pulled her along towards the village, leaving their friend group behind. “George, slow down! You’ll rip my arm out of its socket!” Kendra called with a laugh.

George came to a slow stop, allowing Kendra to catch her breath. “Is that better, your highness?” He teased. “Indeed it is.” Kendra replied. “Why were you so adamant on me coming to Hogsmeade?” She asked.

“Because we never spend time together just us. It’s always us and Fred or us and Ginny or us, Ron, Hermione and Harry. Do I need a reason to want to spend time with my best friend?” George explained.

George noticed Kendra’s smile falter ever so slightly before she quickly recovered. “No, you don’t need an excuse. You never need an excuse, Georgie.” She replied.

Though the word ‘friend’ was a word she didn’t like hearing from George. “So we’re just going to ditch the rest of our friends?” Kendra replied. “That’s exactly what we’re going to do.” George answered. “If I know Angelina, she’s already convinced Fred to go to Honeyduke’s with her.” He added

Kendra wanted to say she felt bad that they were leaving their friends behind but whenever she was able to spend time alone with George, she took it.

The two arrived at Zonko’s and George looked like a kid in a candy store. He’s been to the joke shop a million times and yet each time still amazed him.

“So what exactly are we looking for?” Kendra asked the boy. “I don’t know, anything that creates the greatest prank in the history of Hogwarts.” George answered. “You’ve already done that by now. At least I think you have.” She said.

“You’re biased, love. You have to think our pranks are the best.” He said. “Oh really? I have to think that?” Kendra questioned. “Of course you do.” George replied. “Alright then. If I’m being honest the last one you did with Peeves wasn’t the best. The execution was sloppy.” She told him.

George paused his browsing and looked at the dark haired girl for a moment. “Sloppy? My execution was sloppy?” He questioned. “It could have been better. That’s why Snape caught you. If you would have taken my advice, you wouldn’t have had detention for two weeks.” Kendra answered. 

“You’re a minx you know that right?” George asked with a laugh. “What can I say, I get it from my mother.” Kendra said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. 

George smiled down at her as she stood at his side. He hoped that she couldn’t hear how loud his heart was beating or if she could tell that his palms were clammy. He just thought she was so pretty he could never think straight around her. 

“Did you hear me?” Kendra asked him. “What?” He questioned. “I said did you want to go to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer before we go back?” Kendra asked. “Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. I’ll pay.” George stammered. 

“If I didn’t know any better, Weasley, I’d say you were considering this a date.” Kendra teased. “No, no, definitely not a date.” George lied. 

He wanted nothing more than for it to be a date but he didn’t have the courage to ask and what if Kendra said no? It would ruin their friendship forever. Kendra ignored the way her heart felt as if it were tightening in her chest at his words. 

Would going on a date with her be that bad to him? Then again, she didn’t want to jump to conclusions. But she also didn’t want to ruin the friendship she had with George if she were to confess her true feelings. 

So Kendra did what she did best when it came to her true emotions; and that was to hide them for as long as she could. 

[xannmariefmx]

5/6/20

Dear Diary, Because of counseling, I have been driven to start writing through my problems, memories, and traumas. An hour once a week or lately every two weeks is just not enough for me to make any progress. Today my counselor and I talked about my older brother Luke who is living with me, my friends Hannah and Becca, and trauma I suffered mostly at the hands of my former stepmother Lori and my dad Loren. We also discussed some of my younger brother Remington's current situation. I'd like to introduce myself because I intend to make this a public diary and I plan to be as raw and honest as possible. My name is Ann Marie. I'm 27 years old. I live in Kansas born and raised. I'm married without children. I have been married to my husband Nathan for 5 years and in my current relationship for almost 8 years. I'm unemployed and my husband and I live together with my mom Diane, which I will touch on later why we live together. I come from a family of divorce. My parents divorced in 1995 when I was 2 years old. I am the youngest of 3 siblings from that marriage. My oldest brother is Luke and he is 37 years old. My older sister is Desiree and she is 34. I have a younger half brother Remington who is 18 and is from my Dad's 3rd marriage. I have a slew of health problems also. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), Type 2 Diabetes, Mild Sleep Apnea, knee issues, and I deal with infertility and mental health issues. All of my health issues mostly stem from PCOS. The mental health issues are trauma worsened by the hormone imbalance caused by PCOS. So far my counselor has diagnosed me with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Major Depressive Disorder, and several anxiety disorders. I apologize if this is a little all over the place because a lot of my trauma is suppressed for my safety so I can function and I'm having to slowly dig into my past to bring it all back up. I assume this will be like thousands of tiny puzzle pieces that will hopefully start to form together and form a bigger picture of understanding for anyone who is reading this. It's not exactly chronological or has any rhyme or reason. What comes up is whatever comes up in my thought process and emotions or whatever my counselor can coerce out of me. **********************TRIGGER WARNING******************************* (Will contain physical and emotional abuse, self harm, topics of suicide, rape, drug abuse, infertility and pregnancy loss, and traumatic experiences) May not be suitable for those under 18 years of age. ***************************************************************************

It is currently 2:00 am.  I was inspired by a TikTok I was watching in bed that made me sob uncontrollably. It brought back the pain of things that have been said to me since a child. Painful things that I knew were untrue, but still fed into my fears and insecurities. I needed to vent and put things into words and release them from my mind so I can hopefully process them better. So here I go I'll start with how counseling went. I had counseling earlier today, well technically yesterday. We continued our talk about Luke and the stress that comes along with him and how it is affecting my sleep. We talked about our relationship from the start until the present. We talked about a few occasions where he verbally and physically attacked me back when he was actively using Meth. We talked about the betrayal of his denial and rejection when my dad physically and verbally abused me when I was 16 that had consequently sent me into foster care. So here's a little bit of current background on my older brother Luke and how he came to live with me. In March of 2018, he was living with my dad Loren in Medicine Lodge. I had moved from Medicine Lodge to Haysville in March of 2017. I will discuss later on why I moved, but for now, I'll discuss how Luke got where he is now. So my dad had moved in a new girlfriend named Sandy from Pennsylvania. Not even two days into her living with my dad she caused a huge scene with Luke's baby mama Ashdon when she came over to pick up the kids after my brother's weekend with them. Sandy was rude to Ashdon and was mad that she had entered "her house" without knocking. Luke was strapping his kids into their car seats and had sent Ashdon inside my dad's house to grab their bags. Sandy then rudely and aggressively confronted Ashdon. Ashdon is not one to handle someone coming at her in such a negative way well. Luke left with her and returned the next day. Luke couldn't last in that house with Sandy for even a week so he moved out. He had no job and nowhere to go so he ended up living in his storage unit. I will get into later how toxic Sandy was for my dad and my family. Just to let you know she doesn't stick around forever, but there is a lot to tell about her and right now I'm talking about Luke so I will get to her, I promise. Anyways this had sent Luke into a deep depression and heavier usage of Meth. At some point, he was able to get a job in the oilfield and started living out of his work truck.  And at some point, he lost that job. During this time my dad and I were both worried sick. I cried a lot over Luke's situation. I grieved over the person he used to be when I was younger. I feared because of the Meth that the person he use to be would forever be gone. Well, Christmas drew near. It was still 2018. Luke was desperate for money and was committing crimes of theft and burglary to survive and be able to purchase Christmas gifts for his kids. Luke had never been in major trouble but his actions had finally caught up to him. He had burglarized a laundry mat in Alva, Oklahoma. He was easily identified and had agreed to turn himself over to authorities after Christmas if they would let him have Christmas with his kids first. Well, he ran. Also on a side note was on my deathbed in the hospital recovering from emergency major abdominal surgery when he was captured. That's another thing I will touch on later as that is not the main focus right now. Luke was arrested in Wichita and returned to Alva, Oklahoma where he spent several months in jail. When he was released from jail he was immediately transferred to Barber County Jail for crimes he had committed before the burglary of the laundry mat where he had stolen pipe fittings from an oil rig and had pawned for cash. He spent a few months with them. He was released on July 10th, 2019. My dad was in Lansing, Michigan for a Highschool National Championship for Trap Shoot that my younger brother Remington was competing in. He was out of state for 10 days. So my dad asked me if I would pick Luke up from jail for him. I didn't have a choice in the matter so I did as asked and brought him home for a few days until my dad returned. When my dad returned he screwed me over. He took advantage of the situation and my kindness. Luke had no vehicle and nowhere to go. My dad couldn't afford to have Luke live with him and couldn't take the time off work to take him to his court hearings and probation appointments, so it all got dumped on me. I was never asked if Luke could live with us, it was just put on me. I'll come to regret not standing up for myself when I was backed into this corner. Now there's a lot that happens between the time he moved in with us back in July and the present. I will touch on those later because I do not want to lose focus on what is currently causing me stress about him. Anyways in those 10 months, Luke does not look for a job or chip in anything of his responsibilities. My husband and I 100% support him and his children. We pay for his cigarette addiction, his phone, his gas, food for him and his kids, and run him to all his appointments. In October he knocks up my husband's younger sister which I promise I will tell you about in complete detail another time. Anyways it didn't work out. So currently he has finally started working and has had a job for a month now. His probation forced him to go through a staffing agency and they put him with this job. He works for a plastics company and only brings home $300 a week. He could have had a better paying job a long time ago, but he wouldn't put in the effort until he was forced to. Well, now we're caught up to speed. The latest frustration and stress is that Luke has no vehicle and no license. And with the Corona Virus, my mom is working from home. We only have 2 vehicles. There is her car and my husband's car. My husband has his car at work with him. So since I do not work the responsibility of driving Luke has always solely fallen on me. I wake up at 6:00 am every morning and leave at 7:00 am to drive him to work. Then I leave at 3:30 pm to pick him up from work. This is an issue because I notoriously have sleep issues. I have sleep apnea. I've had insomnia from the age of 7 and my anxiety has a strong effect on my sleep. So I was having problems sleeping at night before anyways. My anxiety causes problems for me when I have an appointment or some kind of responsibility to handle the next day. The pressure to be awake in time keeps me from being able to sleep until the last minute when I'm exhausted. So around 5:30 am has been when I've finally been able to fall asleep. See my problem? Then it takes me 45 minutes total of driving which wakes me up to the point that I can't fall back asleep when I return home. This leaves me with a short period of sleep and a short period to get anything done during the day before I have to go pick him up. Even if I go to bed at a normal time I wake up 2 hours later and unable to sleep. The responsibility of taking him to and from work has affected my sleep problems and made them worse than they already were. Ok, moving on from there, my counselor asked how my relationship was with Luke from the beginning. I told her when I little, we had a really good relationship. I spent a lot of time with him and we were close. After the divorce, my mom struggled with his behavioral issues and was advised by her counselor to focus on me and my sister and to have Luke move in with my dad and let my dad worry about him. My mom had too much on her plate to deal with her mental health and the divorce to also be trying to parent Luke who was way more than a handful. We were close until after he moved out of my dad's in highschool. Luke use to take me everywhere. We use to watch WWF wrestling together. He would give me airplane rides, body slam me on his bed, thumb wrestle, and play Mortal Kombat on the Nintendo. We spent a lot of time together. For several years Luke was barely in my life. He stopped attending al family get together and I maybe saw him twice a year until my dad and Lori got divorced in 2008. I will go over that more later and that timeline at another time. By the way, Lori was my dad's 3rd marriage. Anyways Luke came around a little more after the Divorce. That year was a tough year that will touch on later because there's a lot that went on and will need to be addressed, but right now I'm focusing on my relationship with Luke. So fast forward to April 2009. My dad and I got into a physical fight after I had a car accident. I reported him to my SRO (School Resource Officer) and I ended up in Foster Care. Luke rejected this, called me a liar, and had denied that our dad had ever physically abused him. I'll go over Luke's abuse and trauma another time. This is what began the hate that Luke had for me for years. Let's fast forward to the summer of 2015. My husband and I had moved to Medicine Lodge after a long bout of unemployment from the oilfield so he could start a new career as a truck driver. Well, he was still my fiance at the time because we didn't get married until January 25th, 2016 which I will address more on that later. Luke's relationship had fallen apart from Ashdon and he had lost his good-paying oilfield job. He was living in Sterling and had no other job opportunities so he moved in with our dad. This is when I believe Luke had started using Meth. Though I am not sure when or if he had before, but his behavior was suspicious enough for me to suspect he was using. Luke is a narcissist and a very jealous person. He accepts no responsibility and believes everyone has wronged him and that he is the victim in his life. When we moved to Medicine Lodge we did so because we needed help. Nathan had just bought a brand new truck before he was laid off from the oilfield and had spent his entire unemployment on the payments. Well, his truck driving job didn't take off fast enough and we knew the truck was going to be repossessed. So with that reasoning, we chose to live in Medicine Lodge because I could lean on my dad and he allowed me to drive his ranger. That and my dad was struggling to get Remington to come down for his visits so I knew if I lived down there too that Remington would come down because he wanted to hang out with me. After all, at that time my dad was working overtime on Saturdays and had no internet or cable so understandably Remington would be bored. The reason I'm bringing this up is that Luke became jealous of the help I received from our dad. I was driving his Ranger and there was a time or two that my dad helped with groceries because Nathan did not make much when he was training at his new job. During this time I was also babysitting Lukes children when they came down to visit and he had to work. The first verbal attack came out of nowhere. My dad was present, Nathan was gone on the road. Luke just relentlessly tore me down about anything and everything. He even brought up my weight. And any reason I could give was not good enough. I brought up my depression and he said that he didn't believe in depression and that it was a choice. At some point, he told me to go home and put a gun to my head. I look back now knowing that Luke was using and that I can't 100% put the responsibility on him for the things he said to me because of the drugs. I've confronted him about it since he's moved in with me and he has no recollection of ever saying that or ever attacking me. Another instance of one of Luk'es attacks was a few weeks after Nathan and I had gotten married. Again my dad was there and I had been taken care of him because he just had shoulder surgery and Nathan was gone on the road. Luke was not living with our dad at the time. I had been out taking care of my responsibilities such as running home to take care of my dogs and do some laundry. I had been spending time with Nathan's little sister Anastasia who we call Anna. She was 15 at the time. It was a Wednesday night and I took her to religion class and had picked her up. When I came to pick her up I stayed at the church for a while before taking her home because we were chatting with her friends. When I returned to my dad's house Luke was there. He came at me in a fury and a rage accusing me of "driving the wheels off" of my dad's truck. He said he had seen me all over town cruising. He was wrong, but this came from a place of pure jealousy because our dad had been allowing me to use his truck. Luke was relentless and would not stop. Luke started threatening to kill me and had backed me up into a corner and when he realized I was trying to call 911 he had tackled me to the ground and tried to break my phone. In the process, he had ripped off a couple of acrylic nails I had left from my wedding. If you have ever had acrylic nails, you know how painful that is. When he realized I made it through to 911 he had taken off to avoid the cops. I'm pretty sure he was high or coming down now that I know he was using. Again when I have confronted him about this as he currently lives with me, he claims he doesn't remember that. So currently, Luke has had no violent outbursts towards me since he's lived with me. In the beginning, I dealt with a lot of criticism from him and I still do, but I feel like he has no choice but to behave towards me since he has nowhere else to go. Because of the time I've had with him taking him to his appointments and such and being around when Anastasia up and left him he's opened up more to me than he has in my entire life. I wouldn't say we are close, but I'm getting to know him better. It is now 4:00 am and I can't even fathom typing anymore as I have said so much. So hopefully later today or when I get a chance, I will talk more about how counseling went and maybe more. We'll see. There's just so much to express and say. With the amount I have to tell, this isn't even a grain of sand in a desert if that says anything. Not even a scratch on the surface. So until we meet again, Goodnight.

Ann Marie