#tht like. just mean so so much to me and im so so lucky to have but as upsetting as it is to say and think abt

[caruliaa]

yk i think like. im trying desperately not to depress people around me w how close to doomerism i can veer but like. at a certain point its like. the effort and exhaustion that goes into maintaining just being alive in this world is not worth what comes from being alive and like. girlies we may have reached it. el oh el.

[terraliensvent]

good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!

not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(

also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.

and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.

especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.

also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C

im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.

if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]

im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like

youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for

the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.

members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk

staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ‘looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved

terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.

personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)

[cosmobrain00]

You’re one of the few that get it. (You’re adequately fucked up and sick in the head.) I get like so happy to talk to you. You’re so nice to everyone and you’re like…royalty. To me. 🧡 I get sad when you don’t like your art because it is genuinely good and I’m lucky I get to see it, honestly. You’re true to yourself and you do what the fuck you want. Your passion for your OCs is inspiring to me and I love love LOVE hearing about them and seeing art of them. Can’t wait until you post your story :)

anon. I hope u know this is one of the absolute sweetest things ive evr gotten the pleasure to receive in my LIFE ive been staring at this for the past i dont even know how long just trying to figure out how to properly convey how much this msg means to me ILY!!!!!! all I can possibly think to say is tht u r extremely dear to me AND royalty as well idc its just a fact now, n im so incredibly happy tht I have the honor to have u arnd<3 n despite not knowing who this is I know for a fact I too love n cherish talking to u as well mwah🫶🫶

(also evrything u said got me, but esp the bit abt my ocs had me on the ground banging my fists against my wall. I hope u kno im smooching u on the forehead n hugging u soso hard🫂🫂🫂)

[legobatjoker]

BTW AGGHH ITS 3AM I NEED TO BE IN BEDD !!! the wat the internet went out at a bit past midnight and i thought id go to bed around then bc of it 😭 i wanted to prove a point tht i i could entertain myself without internet but i shldnt have done it at the expense of my sleep schedual esp consdiering i was still also on tumblr 😭😭😭 ANYWAYY i need to get to eep as previously statedd !! so i will go to eep now love but beofire i do ireally do just want to say that !!! i relaly had sm fun vcing today it rly was soso nice to get the chance to call and talk and chat together and hear ur voice and sutff love it rly was id say just like it always is to spend time together dearest and ough i hope you know that i rly am jsut so so lucky and grateful to know you my love like you really are just the most amazing incredible friend to me youre so kind nad caring and sweet and thoughtful and kind to me and make me feel soso loved and cared for and safe and warm with you and just you are the most amazing incredible person who brings ms light and joy into the world and into my life my dearest and i hope you know you really do just mean the world to me and i love you so so very much my love i really do :'> i hope your days been good and that you sleep well, ilysm !!! 💗💞🥭🍋🐞🦋💖🌸🐛🌼🐈💗💞✨✨✨✨

on the one hand v happy for u that u were able to prove u can have fun w/o internet on the other hand AH NAUR NOT THE 3AM IM SORRY💔💔💔 but yeah omggg i had smmm fun vcing together toooo!!!!! it is always sososooo wonderful to spend time w you beloveddd and i rlly am just sosoooo grateful to have a friend as caring and compasionate as you and just to know you flappy like you rlly are suchhhh an incredible person too and!! you mean the world to me toooo and yah i just love you sososoooo muchhhhhh!!! gnightt💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻💕🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💕

[baekhvuns]

BESTIE

THAT MAN HAD A GF ALL THIS TIME.

😭

I mean he was never mine to begin with, and it was obvious he'd HAVE a gf with THAT face but ong I felt like I got cheated on Bcz we made eye contact for like 0.00001 secs tht one time 😩😩

I wasn't even able to go at my job Bcz I was sick my co workers told me that he had a gf, who was apparently at the restaurant and he made it so obvious that it was his gf. Which is a top trait for a man. BUT I COULDN'T SEE HIS GF 😭😭😭 I WANTED TO AT LEAST SEE THE FACE OF THE LUCKY WOMAN

Anyways....about my life, i got sick somehow, and got a cold but now I'm getting better AND MY PHONE FELL INTO MY BATHTUB 😭 SEE THIS IS WHY I WANTED TO BUY A BLUETOOTH SPEAKER!! it was so unfortunate, Bcz I was in the bathtub, scrolling thru my phn finding the perfect song and MY Clumsy MY CLUMSY HANDSSS 😭 anyways, its still working but the screen... is now discolored??

Enough of me ranting abt my life. How are you? The blog has been so quiet lately, like WHERE IS DV ANON?? WHERE IS JAEHUNNY ANON?? WHERE IS NOTHINGJUSTME ANON?? WHERE IS CHILDHOOD! BESTFRIENDHWA ANON?? Guys come back...life is so...lonely 🥺 (i hate this emoji)

Speaking of childhoodbestfriend!hwa anon, i literally made a story inspired by your username 😔 so i hope you don't sue me. I was sick i had nothing to do so I just posted the story, it's a part 1, idk man I hope people will like it.

I see you like angst YOU LIKE LOTS OF ANGST AND UGLY FIGHTS AFTER WHICH THE COUPLE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER!! Me too. But I feel like daytime star is a comfort manhwa, like they went thru hurdles..they did but not in their relationship but more like, they went thru it together. Like....it wasn't anything between them ..bt them against the world thing?

Speaking of the whole fight THATS HOW YOU COME UP WITH THE FORMULA OF YOUR STORIES RIGHT? damn no wonder I'm in love with them..

Bt look i found a few fics that perfectly explain d&tg, change the Hongjoong to yn in the first one AND THE SECOND ONE!!! 🤚😭 PERSON B IS SO GENERAL!YN ..is the how you spell it-

THIS LAST ONE 😭😭😭 IM GETTING FLASHBACKS TO THE FIGHT HWA AGREED TO SO CONFIDENTALLY AND THEN GOT BEATEN UP!

Omg yes the baby against his tiddies 🤧🤧🤧 they're so cute, and the baby is so cute and everything is so cute. Whenever I read it, it feels like I'm melting. And it feels so satisfying to see haebom (the black haired dude) who is so intimidating get all soft cuz of a baby AND HER FATHER 😭

NO NO YOURE RIGHT THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER AND THE BLACK CAT DYNAMIC IS THE BEST! I read another bl...pls I'm getting addicted to them...and it's actually good, AND ITS TBE SAME DYNAMIC!!! Person A (complete black cat persona, depressed with anxiety and a rich kid, [guess where the depression came frm?] ) and Person B (literal human sunshine, even his hair are blonde, a tired working man who gv up on his dreams)

And then they unite....god, it was the healthiest thing I read probably.

WOOYOUNG'S OREO HAIR ARE BACKKKKK! I cannot....express my joy ENOUGH! AND WE GOT PONYTAIL SEONGHWA 😭😭😭😭 when I tell you I waited so much since the Deja vu era LIKE FINALLY MAN YOU BETTER KEEP THE SCISSORS FAR AWAY!

Girl u gotta tell me where should I read secretary's escape BCZ I READ AT AN ILLEGAL WEBSITE AND IT WONT SHOW ME IT 😭😭😭😭 I WANNA READ IT SHOULD I DOWNLOAD WEBTOON OR SOMETHING??

STOP.

NO FUCKING WAY.

he brought his gf the day u weren’t at work 😭😭 crying this is like when u miss a day at school and rihanna performed in the cafeteria like CRYING GRKWHDKW ANON WHYDKWHDKW it’s time to come back to ur roots <3

i hope you’re better now- what the fuck 😭😭 WHY DO U HAVE UR PHONE IN THE BATHTUB WHAT HAPPENED TO KEEPING IT AT THE COUNTER ????? did u at least put it in rice pls jfbwkfhsk and did u find the right song

i am good! i was also sick with a scratchy throat recently, uni’s back on 😀 blogs been quiet i know 😭😭😭 NO BC WHERE ARE THEY IVE BEEN WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HAGWON ANON PLS HOWS SK ARE U BACK??? ARE U OKAY??? DV ANON IS THE JOB TAKING UR TIME HOWS UR CATS JAEHYUNNY DID U SEE THE LAST RACE, NOTHINGJUSTME HOW WAS UR DAY DID U WATCH ANYTHING CHILDHOODBESTFRIEND HOW IS THE DRAFT GOING FBWMDHWK wow i am so attached <3

omg u posted … 🤲🏻

I DO I RLY DOO I LIKE THE DRAMA MAYBE THATS WHY I FOUND IT A LIL NOT MY TYPE FHKWFB damn how did u know that’s my formula

CRYING THAT IS EXACTLY GENERAL!Y/N AND HWA FBWNDHAKHDKA IT WAS SO FUN WRITING THEIR BANTER a quiet unbothered person vs the hectic egotistic duke sigh, what a pairing i miss them ngl i miss the mr and mrs park one too what good times they were omg do u know the song im yours by isabel larosa i wrote half of my etl’s based on it

STOP I LOVE THAT THE INTIMIDATING ONE GETTING SOFT FOR KIDS CRYING

EXACTLY!!’!!! PEAK ENTERTAINMENT IS GOLDEN RETRIEVER AND THE BLACK CAT OH HOW I WISH EVERYONE HAD SOMEONE LIKE THAT RHLWHDWK MANIFESTING 😭😭

healthiest thing u read 😭😭😭😭

NOT ONLY OREO BUT A FULL ASS MULLET???? JESUS CHRIST AND *** ?????

KEEP !!!! THE !!!! SCISSORS AWAY !!!!

PLS DOWNLOAD WEBTOON THATS THE ONLY PLACE I READ SECRETARYS ESCAPE ON I WAIT FOR THIS ONE PATIENTLY and he’s just so,, imagine a ceo hwa like that like.

[sungtaro]

nono don’t worry bout it! I feel bad bc I keep replying so late cause I keep holding it off to reply properly 😭

But it’s so good tht they actually have these choices and opportunities available cause you’re so right about the costs and stuff!

YES FLAUNT THT SUCCESS AS YOU SHOULD. I feel like thts the scariest part of the real world tbh 😭 thts wat im most scared for at least. Like where I live nurses are in high demand but it doesn’t mean they’re gonna hire just anyone. Good luck in those job applications tho! <3333

— anonynurse ❤️‍🩹

oh don't worry abt it !! you can come back any time hehe there's no pressure 🫶🏻

hehe it's just like anything else, applying for jobs is a pain but like you said, there's such high demand for nurses, you WILL get one! and bc we can work in so many different types of places, there's no shortage of possibilities -- the way i see it, i'm choosing where *i* want to go, and anywhere would be lucky to have me. they aren't gonna hire just anyone but you're not just anyone, you're you ! and i do believe that when things don't work out it's just not what's meant to be. there will always be something else, so don't stress it too much! you'll be fine, nurse 😙 we both will be ~

[chiffaust]

hello its me 🪄 !! happy holidays to you !!

ive been sick so 😓😓 yknow but ive been getting better !! but i never usually do any christmas celebrations beyond just wow it is christmas on this day. havent done anything for christmas this year 🐺🥀

have you done your pulls on enstars yet ? i got a souma card on music and it felt like a christmas miracle considering his fs never came home on en, despite doing ~120 pulls 😓

also, i got keito fs, rinne initial and an adonis on basic !! basic pulls are always nicer when you havent played in a while .. i also got many vagabond soumas hehe now i need kuro (his suit card did Not come home) and all of akatsuki will have come home in time for christmas !!

speaking of keito fs, keitonation has dodged a bullet this time around, we can keep going strong (although mika is very cute too !!)

ALSO no pressure ofcofc but you mentioned a keito smau in your drafts and if you ever decided to continue it i would be your biggest supporter (again no pressure though, i just think its cute hehe)

any akatsuki fics of yours as a fellow akatsukip honestly i will get down on one knee.. right now.. (speaking of, mistletoe keito was soo.. soooo.. Yeah i love him)

wwah that was long i did not mean for it to be hnedb i hope you enjoyed my ramblings though, i hope you have a good day today whether you celebrate or not !!

- 🪄 <3

hi 🪄 how r you iys 7 am for me and i havent slept ywt ❤ MERRY CHRITSTMAS to you!

FIRST OF ALL... im so jealojs that ylu got keito fs i swear that card has been avoiding me like a plague ever since it was announced in march. i literally pulled ~120 times on him and he didnt came home... its almost 2023 and i still havent gotten him

my pulls on the free 20 pulls are shitty pls dont ask 😔 i got 1 dupe of hiiro prince card. i mean its strong now but not strong enough to be in my team... but luckily i have at least 1 copy of akatsuki gacha cards. guess who comes home the most :3

surprisingly its keito who comes home the most and souma who hates me 😰

and you re correct abt tht keito nation really did dodged a bullet. my friend were literally saying that it was gonna be keito and i am broke so like yknlw 😭😭😭 thnkfully it isnt keito fs2! i think that means hes having mercy on us keitops wjo have no money and is telling us to keep grinding but lucky me i have exams :p

ans youo knowww i am an akatsukip 🥺 (a bit biased on keito) i will write for them using all of my brain cells especially keito :33

and im not talkimg aboht tht keito smau. itll probably take months of drafting for me to officially announce it as a real smau im doing. i dont really like trust the process idea very much when it comes to making a series so like... i wont say it'll be released soon since i wanna make a sensible story first instead of trustinf the process... idk why i like making my life difficult :p

i thi k i shohls go to sleel now. i hope you have enough sleep unlike me 🪄nonnie :3 merry christmas to you once again!!

[vampyrluver]

YES i will vent everyday YES i will b insecure abt it...we exist

[honkhonkrichard]

Theory: Stanley Uris was Murdered.

Tagging @vvanini I hope you can follow this okay it’s very word vomity lol

Okay So TW because this post will touch on Stan's death ad the methods behind it

I propose that Stan Uris was murdered. by IT. In his home on that fateful night. I think that Stan posed the biggest threat to IT and therefore IT felt the need to take him out before the battle even started.

Allow me to explain.

Okay, so, I need to lay out some basic "rules" or "facts" before I make my case. They are as follows.

- IT planted it's roots in Derry, and finds it difficult to leave, but still can at it’s own wil.  If you read the book (I honestly don't blame you if you haven't) You'd know that once the Losers kill IT for the final time, Derry (the Physical town) is obliterated. Buildings explode, sinkholes appear, things are flooded. The town is in ruins by the time that the Losers leave the sewers. The movies don't adapt this so If this is news to you thats fine. the bottom line is that destroying IT destroys Derry, like ripping a tree out of the ground with all it's roots. Because of this, we can make the claim that while it can Leave Derry (as it does every 27 years) it probably takes tremandous amount of power to do so, which is why IT only goes when the cycle is over. Why does this matter? Well, what if IT left Derry to get to Stan? The murders had stopped for about a week when they're all in the Jade of the Orient. Plenty of time for IT to cross from Maine to Georgia. Side Note: We KNOW IT leaevs Maine to elsewhere in the world because of King's extended universe all interconnecting. it's not far off at all to make the claim that IT is the same evil that haunts, say The Shining's Overlook Hotel, which is in Colarado.

- IT is omnipresent This is also a given, IT lives everywhere, and can fuck with time and space in godlike (or maybe eldritch like) ways. in IT: Chapter Two, when Mike claims "IT Doesn't know I know what I know" he's unfortunately wrong, because we know that IT can be in A) Multiple places at once, B) can manipulate anything on the drop of a hat (See: Stan being teleported away from everyone else in Chapter One, Everything about Neibolt, etc) and C) Knows everyone's deep fears. This is further proven by IT Saying things like "Beep Beep Richie" (although this is Horribly Horribly executed in the films, ugh.) and so on and so forth. On top of all of this, We can make the claim that IT can exist outside of Time as well, given that IT is immortal. SO, what's stopping IT from Knowing Mike was going to call them all back (Espically considering that IT TOLD Mike to do this?). Even if we keep IT's omnipresence to the location that IT inhabits (in this case Derry) IT would still have knowledge of where the losers are through Mike. And if you take the Lucky Seven/Chosen Seven route (oh my god I got theories on that too) you could argue IT knows where they are inherently due to their cosmic status.

- Stan is the "most Powerful" loser So, obviously all the Loser's are powerful, espically considering they're the ones who Defeat IT (Again going on to the Lucky/Chosen Seven theory). This next claim is going to be less focused on what the 2019/2017 Movies do because they are Bad Movies and that's a whole other rant. However, in the book, Stan is (to my knowledge feel free to correct me on any of this) the only loser to Actively ward off and 'defeat' IT on his own without running away. He uses his belief in this what is Real (birds) to ward off what is "not real" (IT). The other losers do manage to take down IT in their own Right, but Stan is ultimately the one to Really get IT. This is because Stan's character revolves around Belief and Willpower. These are, in some form or another, the ways to Defeat IT. the ritual of Chud is a battle of Wills. in the book, Bill takes IT down and Eddie does the final blow. In the Remake (ugh) the losers can defeat it Technically using the belief that IT isn't as powerful as it claims because IT's "just a clown" (Ihatethatfuckingendingsomuchugh). Stan being much more skeptical than the rest of the group in his ability to understand Reality vs IT's illusions is a powermove, and IT knows that ability doesn't go away as Stan grows up, but rather he gets more powerful. Stan is the Only loser out of the 6 who left that has any sort of knowledge about IT, where the other losers have nothing. Bev has nightmares, yes, but she still forgets them. We're told in his chapter (Chapter 3, Six Phone Calls (1985), Part One: Stanley Uris Takes a Bath) that he has some hazy knowledge of his place in the Lucky Seven, and even goes so far as to MENTION it sometimes, even if he doesn't quite remember or understand any of it, his knowledge of IT and Derry is worlds more prominent than that of the rest of the losers.

(page 52 of IT:  "Stanley, nothing's wrong with your life!"  "I don't mean from inside." he said. "From inside is fine. I'm talking about outside. Something that should be over and isn't. I wake up frmo these dreams and think, 'My whole pleasent life has been nothing but the eye of some storm I don't understand.' I'm afraid. But then it just... fades. The way dreams do." OR  page 45: He had been smiling a little. Now the smile faltered, and for a moment he seemed puzzled. His eyes had darkened, as if he looked inward, consulting some interior device which ticked and whirred correctly but which, ultimately he understood no more than the average man understands the workings of the watch on his wrist. "The turtle couldn't help us," he said suddenly. he said that quite clearly.)

So, Stan has some cosmic knowledge of IT and Maturin and his role in the battle against It. What does any of this have to do with his death? Well, let me point out some other things about Stan's death that always stuck out to me. - His death chapter is narrated by his wife, Patty, rather than himself. The other chapters - almost all the other chapters - are narrated by their respective Loser (the caviot for this is Ben, but Ben is also wasted out of his damn mind so its understandable.) - Stan's personality is few and far between in the book, but we know he has a weird little sense of humour and that he's incredibly logical. I think that this logical part of him would be able to understand that Suicide is Never Ever the answer, and that it would cause FAR more problems than it would solve. (the 2019 movie tries to reexplain his death and it's crap and i hate the letters i hate the letters so much im gonna explode) The other losers try to rationalize his death by saying "He would rather Die Clean than Live Dirty (Page 506, Chapter 10, The Reunion, part 3, 'Ben Hanscom Gets Skinny') but he had already BEEN Dirty when he defeated IT the first time, and I think he would've recognized that. - upon finding him, Patty (in her narration) notes that Stan's head is bent back over the edge of the bathtub, so from his sight she would have been upside down. If Stan DID kill himself, why would he be positioned like that? It's unnatural, like someone Posed him. - the cuts on his arms are two length wise cuts. I'm no expert but.. that's suspicious. That's weird. - IT is written in blood on the wall. Why? Why would Stan right THAT of all things? You know who DOES like to paint with blood? IT.

Alright, returning to my thesis statement, Stanley Uris was murdered. Do I think Stan genuinely was going to take a bath at 7pm (which we're told is weird for him)? Yes. I think that's absolutely a thing he could have done or planned to do. Do I think he slit his wrists and commited suicide so he wouldn't go back to Derry? No. Not even remotely.

Let me paint a New Picture.

It's May 28th, 2016, or 1985. Stanley Uris gets a call from Mike Hanlon. Stan is incredibly hesitant to go to, and says he needs time to think about it. Or tht he'll try. He can feel the starts of a Panic attack, and as he's remembering the circles of Hell he went through as a child, he tries to hold himself together. He doesn't want his darling wife to see his break, so he says "I think I'll take a bath" and nothing else before going upstairs. he hides in the bathroom. He closes and locks the door, because, well, he's panicking. Locking doors is one of The Small things he does. Is it usually the bathroom door? no, but still (OCD is a bitch, and even with medication, but this is a special case). He looks in the mirror and tries to breathe. This is fine. He can do this. They killed IT once before and they can do it again. He thinks about his younger self, the promises made, and how he could explain all of this Patty in time to catch a flight to Maine. It's terrifying, but if his friends are going to bite the dust, he wants to be there with them, wedding vows be Damned. Then he looks at his reflection again. A younger, rotted version of himself stares back at him. IT crawls through the mirror. Stan freaks out, obviously. This isn't real. This Can't be real. But IT utilizes this notion against him. It digs it's claws into his arms, and forces him to bleed out in the bathtub. IT then sets the scene nicely. Razorblades on the counter, a bloody signature on the wall, a horrible posture of Stan's neck. So on and So forth. and then IT returns to Derry. IT's a little weak, yeah, but Stan is dead. That's what matters. the Lucky Seven has now Officially broken, and the balance shifts in favour of the clown.

So that's the theory. feel free to correct me on anything or engage I have plenty of theories on this story and I like discussing this stuff :).

[lovedcult]

happy birthday to the bestie @summerlost​​ 💗💭 !!!!!!!!!!!!!  jia. 🙈 what a crazy year it's been. all these memories we've made together. girl you crazy 😫but im not even about to put all that on tumblr 😂. congrats on another trip around the sun, im so proud of you ❤ love u girlie see u at the club LMFAOO😂❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉 

( jk ur real bday message is under the read more ilu HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABEY )

literally me preparing this message just hours before ur birthday but i was determined to have it ready by the time it hit midnight for u so HERE I AM HELLO 🤍 going to try and make this letter heartfelt and cute because we never say things like this to each other but u really have become such an important person in my life in such a short time u just mean very much to me and i really do want you to know just wonderful and special u are to me !! we have only known each other ?? like 5 months ? is that right ? girl idk but within those 5 months we have managed to talk to each other like every single day except maybe 2 days isn’t that so crazy ? so i want to thank u for always keeping me company and crying over txt with me and just being such a warm source of happiness in my life, it really has been so wonderful to get to know you and to be ur friend ���� 

going to list some things that you’ve done for me that maybe you don’t know you’ve done for me but you deserve to know .. i know i said i was gonna get mushy here but good ness .. anyway it’s so nice to wake up to messages from u everyday and to go to sleep after talking to u all day and knowing that i will have a friend whenever i need it like fr i don’t know how we do it because i am usually so bad at communication rip ..... it has just always felt so easy to talk to you and we clicked right away and there was never a moment of awkwardness like there can be when first meeting someone which thank god .  i’m more comfy with u than i have been with some friends i’ve known for 5+ years and i think that says a lot about our friendship as well as you as a person. we talk literally all the time and it just makes me so happy, i look forward to talking to u every day 💗 whether its about our ships or personal lives or random shite or my godson pumpkin it never matters to me, i am just so happy you are here and that i get to know you

did you know i like never listened to taylor swift before meeting u ? apart from that one time i saw her live in concert when i was like 12 but i don’t even remember that NSNSNSN but i’ll have you know the songs you’ve showed me are special to me now and i enjoy listening to them and she will now forever remind me of u! i have a tendency to try to get into things and like what my friends like so just know whenever you show me stuff i will file it in the heart shaped jia folder in my brain and keep it there forever. literally no matter what it is. tht goes for pacrim too that was so random but i became obsessed with it right after u showed it to me and i’ve actually watched it twice more after we watched it together <3 speaking of, i hope we can have more movie nights together or just cute lil kosmi dates in general because they are so fun and we have a watchlist piling up already so we should crack that open when we can … whenever ur nawt busy being a doctor or whatever

reminds me; do u remember that time i panicked because i ate burnt chicken nuggets and u told me i was gonna get c*ncer ? girl fun times NMDCNBJSAKFJSFJSDV just so you know i WILL be directing any of my future health concerns to u because i might just break otherwise bc i don’t know how to survive and we don’t want that i don’t think so glad i have a smart sexy big brain friend like u in my life

i hope you have a wonderful wonderful wonderful day today which you just might because it’s also txt comeback today ( u fuckin lucky bitch i cant believe they are obsessed with u ) you deserve it so much !! you work so hard all of the time and i know school can be stressful as well as life but i really am so proud of u because u are doing great things and it will all pay off. u are never alone through any of it either so when it gets too hard u will always have me beside u !!! promise !!!! i love u lots !!!!! even tho ur a gemini !!!! but ur my gemini !!!!!!!

also want to mention how just WONDERFUL it has been writing with u omg ??? we have 11 official plots going on rn as well as a bunch of unofficial ones and it has just been the loveliest experience getting to write and ship with u with every single one of them and it’s just been so fun. u are such a talented writer and u put so much effort and thought into all of ur muses which i immensely applaud u for. you should know this already though considering i am vocally in love with all of them ( when jungjae finally d words i will be coming to sweep up sooyeon i really dont care what u have to say its out of ur hands ? let it go ) … jia best rp partner .. i’ve never had a writing partner that gets so involved with our plots the way you do with me and shows the interest that you do and it means so very much to me, i feel very lucky and im forever thankful u messaged me the day u did and introduced urself because i am a scared bitch and probably would have just admired u from afar on the dash instead <3 i hope we can have 327234 more plots and ships in the future because u have managed to make each of them so special. 

i feel like this letter is so all over the place but am i gonna go back in and make it prettier ? naur because im a mess writing it so ur getting the full heidy emotional love spill experience .. this is the first bday im spending with u so i had to write u this & let u know just how much u mean to me . literally thinking abt u all the time and am always hoping u are happy and having good days on the other side of the world <3 ur just that wonderful. thank u for being my friend beyond the rpc and i hope the future can bring us even closer together !!!! i love u so much stinky ( with affection ) stay sexy ......... <33333

us btw

[caruliaa]

the aches and the pains are finally finally starting to fade can it even be believed !!!!! the problem is i also feel a lot more awake now but if ive learned anything its that I NEED TO SLEEP!!!! so i am going to try rlly hard to sleep now bcuz part of my problem last night was not forcing myself to sleep just bcuz i didnt feel sleepy lol. so yeah anyway i just want to say before i do that im sorry i was rlly offline today but tysmmm for being so understanding dearest and it really just means like so so so so so much to have you in my life and to get to be your friend and like you really are such a caring compassionate wonderful friend who makes my whole life sooooooo much bettterrrrrr and i feel sosososooooooo lucky to have met you not only bcuz ur such a true true friend but also bcuz you are such an amazingggg lovely personn mushroom like;;; yeah you truly mean the world to me and i care ab u smmm and i love you sosoooo muchhhhhhhh !!!! mwah !! (hugs youuuuuu if u want💕💕💕🫶🏻💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💕💕💕💕🫶🏻💕)

YIPEEEE so happy for u that the aches and pains are going away my dearest !!! :> nd yeash omg getting good rest is v important esp after dealing with aches and pains so i hope tht u got lots of good rest my dearest and are doing much better today than yesterday love and ofc dw abt having been offline its so understandable nd im glad ur doing better now love :> !! and ough omg ur so so sweet lovee i hope you know that i really am soso glad that i can be such a good friend to you and be caring and compassionate to you and make your life better and stuff love i really am because you really do deserve it soso much and becuase i just really do just want to my love like !!! youre just soso very important and dear to me and i just want to be good to you and make your life better in every way that i can love so im so gla that i can and that i do !! and i hope you know that you really are the same to me and such an amazing incredible kind caring friend who makes me feel soso loved and cared for and safe and at home with you my dearest and you just bring soso much joy and light and happiness into my world knowing you dearest and i hope you know that you really are just soso wonderful and amazing and just mean everything to me and i love you soso very much *hugs you back soso very much soso close if thats okay* 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

[yrbutchgf]

I recently started coming to terms with being butch, and just… thank you. It’s really nice to see butch blogs that aren’t lesbian (not that they’re bad, but sometimes it feels like “don’t follow if you’re not exclusively WLW”). And thank you for all your posts about being butch. They make me smile, and hopefully I can feel more comfortable being myself and trusting that this is who I am and how I want to be. It’s so nice to see other people who already do that. I hope you have a nice day ✨

P.S. were there any things that helped you when you were realizing you were butch?

P.P.S. I’m worried about how I worded this, but I mean it well

aw, you phrased it fine. it is a pretty narrow slice of tumblr that discuses butch/femme outside of a strictly wlw context, which is absolutely fine and im glad tht content exists to begin with, but it does definitely also make it difficult for, for example, butch mlm, or butches and femmes who are both men and women at the same time (e.g. bisexualgender or bigender people) to find content that's geared toward them. i get it, and im glad my presence on this site is helping you feel more comfortable in being you! im very lucky for all my bi mutuals who've made me feel comfortable posting about butch & bi things over the past year. up until recently, i haven't really been the op of any posts about bi butchness, just sort of been figuring myself out and solidifying myself. but yeah <3

the things tht made me realize i was butch initially were really just like, realizing that it was a thing i could do, seeing the word "butch" in use rather than just "masc"/"gnc." i had had a fixation on masculine women for several years at that point. for example, i drew and wrote a lot of butch ocs without realizing that was what i was doing — short-haired women with muscles who took on masculine roles in relationships with their girlfriends, etc; notably, one woman character whose character arc in her story revolved around her (lesbian) love interest mistaking her for a man at first (i was like 14 lol). but then i found butch/femme spaces online, realized there was a word for it, read stone butch blues, and realized it was something *i* could do. as soon as i realized it was a possibility, i knew it was me.

im lucky that my family was really supportive, so after some experimenting with what i wanted, i was able to start wearing clothes that made me feel butch pretty much immediately. things like men's jeans, thick leather belts, sports bras, and thick button-downs were some things that i gravitated toward immediately. i wore patterned bow ties for a few weeks but quickly realized it was a little too dressy for my tastes.

during the time while i was experimenting with my presentation, i started dating (someone who i would call) my first femme, and she definitely brought my confidence through the roof. i remember our first date i wore this like suuuper dorky baby butch outfit (i tucked in this buttondown that was way too big to be tucked in, and it didn't really match well with the jeans i was wearing, and also i wore dress shoes but they didn't really work with the vibe either, and I wasn't going to a barber yet so my hair was still sort of longish, it was a lot), and after the date she texted me and said something along the lines of, "when i saw you in that outfit i was READY. idk what for but i was ready." and it had me through the moon.

so yeah. experimenting with my clothes and hair, being open about it with people who supported me, engaging in welcoming online spaces, and dating femmes, all really helped me when i was trying to figure out what it meant for me to be butch. i also really idolized leslie feinberg, and still do, to be fair - but being in an area where there aren't really many butches, let alone any older butches, leslie feinberg pretty much became my surrogate butch mentor. im glad i found hir books and read about hir, bc ze was sort of my rock.

so yeah! long, rambly answer that was mostly just reminiscing, but i hope i answered your question well. much love

[k-l-a-n-c-e-a-c-a-d-e-m-y]

storawyberry enoji

OH MAN OH MAN..... 😈😈 so I’m going to start off by saying duh that I love you so incredibly much!! Yes ur my cringe queerplatonic trophy husband to be but ur also one of my closest friends and I hold u and our relationship super dear to me.... I love that u always bring up that our frist real interaction was u telling me HS lore.... I should’ve blocked right here and then 💔 OKAY VUT u already know this but ur incredibly funny sometimes (for the sake of me I’m ignoring trollolollol) and ur hair always looks good and u look good 🥰🥰 I think what makes us click so bad is that we have like the same energy when it comes to friendship interactions where we both know we’re thirsty whores so we just spam each other and I love that..... to find someone that has the same needs as u is very special I think... it means the world to me that u message me first a lot bc that means that u like wanna talk to me and I’m so soft for things like that I’m soft for u in Gen 🥺🥺 I literally teared uo that one time when we talked ,,, we like bonded over how we do puzzles? U with ur mazes and me with my word searches and YOU were the one that said we should like just play a YT playlist of videos and just do our puzzles and hang out... like it was smth so small so sweet that I still think abt and get all ;-; you know?? One of the best things abt u I think is how much u value and cherish ur friends and I hope I can always experience that and guve that back to u in turn.... we became so close super fast and I love that like... we have that easily bullied solidarity(EVEN RHO IM ALWAYS THE MOST BULLIED ONE... ur friend once said “how did u outjonah Jonah) QND I stared at my wall for like 4 minutes..... ALSO I LOVEEE PLAYING AU WITT U.... just the two of us can cause such chaos and I’m amazed that we like mangaed to find the LGBT community and now we have an IG gc??? We just have that power ig <3 and even tho u sent me feet pics , I would still hold ur hand if u asked 😔😒 .... WHATS another thing oh yeah u improve in stuff super fast!! Ur art skills and Minecraft skills like seeing the development happen is extraordinary ur so incredibly talented and I’m lucky to have someone like u be so obsessed with me 😈❤️... omg oh yeah I had sm fun watching u suck so bad at MC it was super entertaining and I love that Like the more time we spend together the more we like opened up like legit we just needed to talk abt FNAF lore and our cringe interests and we were just talking away..... I think it’s rlly important to have someone tht u can be like openly cringe with and not have to worry abt like being judged FORREAL.... like I’ve noticed that we like HAVE things like things that are just DELTAH like us telling each other our daily cringe moments.... it’s smth so small and dumb but it’s US so I treasure those short messages..... omg also is bonding over our huge egos and toxic traits? Literally irreplaceable.... like... that’s us, baby! It’s very funny..... and like I love how much we impact each other if that makes sense..... like how I say PLEASE a lot and now u do sometimes and how I got HELP and RUNS AWAY from you.... ur a comedic genuis <3... oh another thing I love abt u is how much I know abt u?? Ur a very open person somegimes and it makes me so soft that I like KNOW things abt u like how u drool a lot and that u peed ur pants that one time (I think this is public knowledge... kf not lmk ASAP so I can REDACT it) also I have more to say idk if I’ve said this already but I do think we’re soulmates like I read a post once saying that like people have multiple soulmates romantic or platonic and IK ur one of mine.. we just get each other ...... we’re like EQUALLY obsessed with each other... I love it weMre totally that annoying lovey dovey couple...:: like how that one AU rando KNEW from jusy a few interactions that u were crazy abt me .... 😈 OKAY NOW IVE WRITTEN WAY ROK MUCH I FEEL BUT .... I LOVE U LOTS AND I WOULDNG WANT ANYONE ELSE TO BE MY HUSBAND RO BE ❤️

[annafm]

(MEDALION RAHIMI, NONBINARY) - Have you seen ANNABEL MAJIDI? ANNA is in HER/THEIR JUNIOR year. The LITERATURE + INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM MAJOR is 22 years old & is a SCORPIO. People say SHE/THEY are DILIGENT, ADROIT, CYNICAL and AUSTERE. Rumors say they’re a member of WINTHROP. I heard from the gossip blog that THEY ARE FAKING BEING A PSYCHIC. (JAMES. 21. EST. THEY/THEM.)

hllo this is anna i hvnt .. played her in a while <3 bt thts okay i think she is very fun 2 play bt like in the way tht she is <3 serious n mean a bit ... bt its okay .. LHKDSGFHLKSDHLKG im sorry this is long this is. an old intro i hvnt rly changed much >.>

CAR ACCIDENT, INJURY TW

aesthetic.

falling feathers darkened at the tips, tweed and pinstripes, red trenchcoats and plaid skirts, worn ballet shoes covered in dust, smudged eyeliner and unruly hair, boxing gloves, ornate canes and pain medication, bandaged hands, classical music floating throughout an empty ballroom, worn jackets and awkwardly cut t-shirts, spilled ink and stained hands, glasses skewed, sneers and jabs, constant fighting, smog in a city, spotlights and encores, piles of books and a long line, backless dresses and sitting alone at a bar, wariness.

basic.

full name: annabel odeda majidi

nickname(s): anna, annie (father only), anna-banana (father only)

b.o.d. - october 31st, 1997

label(s): the catalyst, the charlatan, the minefield, etc.

height: 5′6″

hometown: nyc, ny

sexuality: bisexual

pinterest

stats

favorite song: you’re dead, norma tanega / now, your hope and compassion is gone / you’ve sold out your dream to the world / stay dead, stay dead, stay dead / you’re dead and outta this world

background.

born to two high schoolers who never married, firoj majidi and parvana banai. they were head over heels for each other - when firoj graduated he took up two jobs alongside community college to support their family, until parvana graduated and took on the arts.

growing up was tough - living in the city wasn’t cheap, parvana’s art rarely sold and the two often went without eating in order to provide for annabel. as a child she’d often wear hand-me-downs from extended family.

was taught to be a hard worker and it was reflected in her schoolwork - anna excelled in all her classes but especially english. her love for writing grew at a young age, and as a child she saved up enough money to buy herself proper journals.

the only thing that she grew more passionate towards than writing was ballet - she caught the image of girls flying through the air and landing on their toes in the window of a dance studio on a walk home from school one day and that was it - something clicked inside of her.

that same day she would spend hours prancing about their tiny apartment, trying to mimic what she’d seen. it was easy to spot the passion anna had for the dance - and within a few months they had saved up enough money for a month’s worth of lessons.

anna was ecstatic - her slippers were old and found in the back of a thrift store by an odd miracle, but she put her all into the lessons regardless. she was quick to pick up on each move, and by the end of the month it was clear that anna had a natural talent.

parvana picked up a job in order for them to keep affording the lessons, month after month - they weighed down on their pockets, but it kept anna happy.

flash forward a few years - life was good. money was still a struggle but they were tight knit.

or rather, anna thought they were tight knit.

firoj and parvana split up when anna was twelve - an event that rocked the young girl’s world, something that she couldn’t understand. they had kept up a front of love when anna was home from school or ballet - but behind doors, they had been growing apart.

anna viewed their separation as parvana running off with another man - an art collector who had a fascination with paravana’s paintings. she viewed this as the end of the world. she viewed this as the death of love.

when anna was twelve, she swore she would never fall in love - refused to believe in its existence. she couldn’t wrap her mind around the simple separation.

her father got a third job in order to keep up with payments, and anna pushed herself in both ballet and school - not being able to handle an empty apartment. she decided to get a job - to help ease her father, but was too young.

so anna decided to do what any average 12 year old would do. she started scamming people.

she’d sell store-bought lemonade as if it were homemade, stole ceramics from art class and sold them to neighbors. she found an old girl scouts uniform in the back of a goodwill and for the next month, she sold knock-off girl scout cookies from the dollar store - going door to door.

her personality had changed drastically - anna went from a sweet, optimistic girl with warm brown eyes and an infectious laugh to cold, calculated, and downright cruel. she knew what she wanted and how to get it.

she got an invitation to a prestigious private school, full scholarship, before she hit high school - originally wanted to reject it as the thought of being surrounded by new york’s richest teens was appalling, but their ballet program was a one-way ticket into the american ballet theatre. anna ultimately accepted the scholarship.

high school was immediately hell for her - pretentious rich kids who all shared a collective brain cell and her secondhand uniform being a prime target for them.

ballet got extremely competitive - anna was a threat to every dancer in their program, bullying and sabotage became standard - but anna retaliated when possible.

this all, however, suddenly stopped when anna picked up her latest scam: faking psychic. through a small network of ‘bees’ she’d pay to gather information (gossip, rumors, etc. etc.) she was able to accurately ~see~ into students’ past, present, and potentially future affairs. the money was very worth it.

from that point forward, people were intimidated by her.

when anna was 16 she was handpicked to join the american ballet theatre’s studio company, alongside 11 other lucky individuals. her dream from that point forward was to become the youngest principal ballerina for abt - and she was going to start by winning over the role of clara in their production of the nutcracker.

she was 17 when she was chosen, much to the dismay of the other girls. she had momentarily quit her ‘psychic’ business in order to dedicate the entirety of her time towards rehearsals & practice.

the final week before her first performance as clara, anna got into a car accident heading home after another tiresome rehearsal. knocked unconscious, anna woke up three days later with no recollection of the accident - and her leg freshly operated on.

it was a devastating event that should had killed her - maybe she would had been better off if it had - but instead, it had effectively destroyed any chances of her dancing professionally.

it took two months of extensive physical therapy for anna to walk again - now relying heavily on a cane.

with ptsd and depression weighing heavily on her shoulders, anna turned back to writing - mostly as a coping mechanism, but it soon became the fierce passion it once was when she was younger.

for the remainder of her high school life, anna dedicated the majority of her time towards recovery, her writing, and directing her school’s theatre productions. oh - and claiming that almost dying had given her the gift of mediumship. it wasn’t too far off from her psychic claims - her peers believed it well enough to either stay away, or pay her for a small amount of comfort.

decided to attend yates for their reputation despite her hatred for pretentious schools (very ironic because she herself is pretentious) & also. she had a scholarship <3 so. 

in the midst of writing her first book that’s based heavily on her experiences as a low income student at a private school but like. she’s side-eying all these societies and seeing a Big Money Grab if she were to. write abt them instead

still can’t dance any longer, but she works as a ballet assistant for one of the dance instructors & still tends to barge her way into theatre rehearsals to <3 give her unwarranted opinion

personality & facts.

she’s not the friendliest person. knows what she wants and how to get it, and will not hesitate to use people or push them out of her way in order to achieve her goals.

her cutthroat nature was the reason for her success in academics and dance - tends to intimidate the students in the ballet classes she helps out in.

horribly stubborn - if she’s got an idea of you already in her mind, then it’s hard to convince her otherwise.

still uses a cane - in fact, she can’t really walk without it - unless she wants to be in pain.

it’s sturdy, ornate, and pretty fucking solid. doubles as a weapon if need be - has definitely … hit people with it before, though she’s calmed down now that she’s a little older.

used to be very angry, very defensive as a teenager - is still the same, just … less intense. will not hesitate to speak her mind and let her opinions known - especially in the face of injustice.

doesn’t really have the best … relationship with authority, mainly because of where she was raised and her con-artist businesses. tends to be snarky and sarcastic to anybody in charge - or really, anybody in general.

pretty distrusting, pretty emotionless on the outside, doesn’t like to be seen as weak or somebody to be pitied. keeps herself closely guarded and doesn’t really let others ‘inside’ due to her own comfort levels.

she’ll sleep around but dating is out of the question, for the most part - she’s been on a few blind dates, a few casual get-togethers - but she’s always the one to break things off. is more of a careful hook-up kind of gal.

still does her psychic medium business !! sometimes she wonders if she’s a bad person because of it - but ultimately, it’s on her customers for believing in all that nonsense anyway. anna herself is a skeptic - doesn’t believe in anything unless she can see it and feel it.

is actually … a pretty sentimental person, doesn’t take anything she’s got for granted, and is hugely appreciative of her father. sends him money when she can. hasn’t spoken to her mother in years - pretty sure she’s got a step / half-sibling or two but she’s never met them.

a lone wolf and likes it that way, but she isn’t super opposed to friendship - even if she won’t necessarily call anybody a friend. appreciates others who are similar to her - got their head on right, and knows what they want in life.

has a pretty bad fear of driving - will uber if she needs to go anywhere - even then, being in cars makes her pretty anxious. still has ptsd-induced panic attacks, though she’s managed them pretty well.

doesn’t really do drugs! will smoke weed to ease the ache and her nerves, but otherwise she only takes what is prescribed for her. doesn’t drink anything hard, either. big fan of beer and wine. probably gets wine drunk home alone late at night … like … two times a week.

goes between being high strung and uncaring - she’s not especially moody ( rather, is just consistently angry for whatever reasons ) but she definitely tries to bottle everything up.

probably keeps pepper spray on her at all times, even though she’s got her cane. has cat ear brass knuckles on her keychain - took advantage of the archery club at her private school. she’s not paranoid, she just likes being prepared.

has a soft spot for children, animals, and soft women. kind of person who will put herself in the line of danger in order to protect others - even if she doesn’t necessarily know them too well.

also the kind of person who’ll set something on fire - or do something because you’ve told her not to. incredibly spiteful when wronged. will raise hell if need be.

morally ambiguous tbh.

wanted connections.

who do u think i am ;; either uh. people who have seen her around campus being a bit of a freak like <3 kick someone’s tire in a small fit of rage <3 or spend 20 minutes trying to coax a cat near her so she could pet it <3 or having a that’s so raven moment <3 or someone who tried to help her out with something and she was like. excuse me. what the fuck. get away from me freak loser. maybe threatened them.

slowburn but make it evil ;; uh. when i played her as older she hd a plot where she <3 ws engaged n then broke it off bcos her fiance cheated <3 so i wld like another. plot where she actually <3 tries to enjoy someone else’s company and presence and it just ends up hurting her n reaffirming her idea tht love is? fake n dumb n stupid. thank u.

ykno ... a little dash of spice ... ;; uh. yknow just hookups. hateships <3 or they never talk abt what happened <3 or an awkward drunk one night stand <3 maybe a pregnancy scare and shes like Ah. motherhood Scares me. because she <3 hates her own mother <3 LDSLKFHLGSHLK. it leaves their relationship rly weird the whole ordeal ... maybe even just a blind date <3 or someone she ghosted

read my future ;; customers very classic uh. just people who come to her for her psychic readings <3 and her uh. talking to the dead <3 but also alternately. skeptics ?? people suspicious of her ?? very epic. 

like actually Die? ;; enemies. she hates them so bad. maybe its one-sided. maybe theyre an annoyance. maybe she annoys them? very bad not very good. 

and we dance dance dance, dance dance dance <3 ;; this is just. fr ballet students. or, hold up, consider this: someone who recognizes her frm this. very tragic event where she cld no longer b a ballerina bc i think it ws. like not the Biggest deal bt if ur muse ran in private school circles ykno ??

pet the feral cat ;; these r the soft <3 normal connections <3 someone she’s soft for / protective of. friends that she doesn’t completely hate. 

i Do Not Know ;; i will. take anything. please. weed dealers, people she’s totally sus about for no reason. she steals and reads their mail. they have been rivals for years. they hv a special bond. they r strangers but they get stuck in an elevator. she’s tutoring them bt she wont let them take a break n she keeps making them recite fucking. shakespeare. anything is sexy and fun n cool

[legobatjoker]

okay ive been feeling kinda tired nd out of it today its not like i think bc im actually sick after . what happened yesterday (at least i hope not omg!) i think its j bc my sleep scedual has been such a mess yk plus i want to enjoy my time being home alone and bot sleep in till 3pm so im going to take my chance to actually go to bed before 3am for once FMFNGNFN but before i do i really do just wnat to say that !! aggh i really do just love you soso very much my dearest like !!! you really are just such an amazing wonderful friend to me my love youre so kind and caring and thoughtful and understanding and sweet to me and always so supportive and here for me and just make me feel soso loved and cared for and safe with you my dearest and are just such an amazing incredible wonderful smart talented lovely charming person who is such a wonderful part of the world and my life and im so so so lucky to know and who brings sm joy and light and warmth and love into my world and i hope you know that im always here for you whenever you need me my dearest and you really do just mean everything to me and i really do just love you so so very much my dearest with all my heart :'> !!! i hope ur days been good and that you sleep well, ilysmm !!! <3 💞💞💖🌸🐛🐞🦋🍓🍋🥭🌷🌻🌼🌺🐈🐈💞💞💞💗💗💗💗✨✨✨✨

yah no that makes sense ofc i hope ur not sick or anything but also yeah shsbsjsbz having a messed up sleep schedule like tht does suuuck sometimes BUT SO GLAD FOR U THAT U R GOING TO BED BEFORE 3AM INCREDIBLE can u even imagine such a thing sudbsjbsjdbdjd but yah omfg you are suchhhhh an amazing amazing friend to me toooo like you make my world smmmm better and brighter and im just sososo grateful and glad to know youuu like yah u are just a wonderful personnn all around and u mean everything to me too and i love you soooo much toooooo!!!!! mwah mwah !! gnightt💕💕🫶🏻💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💕

[we-are-inevitable]

love and it’s decisive pain

Prompt: "Could you make a modern spin where javid is established but they are hiding it at first. And David’s parents find them and tease them cause they knew already?" (i had to repost this and can’t remember who sent this ask, but thank you!)

Rating: M (for good measure)

Warnings: Mentions of violence and homophobia (to third party, unnamed characters), vague NSFW concepts, coming out anxiety. feel free to message me if i need to put any other trigger warnings, and i will gladly do so!

Word Count: 2,364

Read on AO3! Fic under the cut.

The decision to never come out was something that David had made peace with long ago.

He had been fourteen when he made the vow. Fourteen and vulnerable. Naive. At first, he had wanted to come out. He had known something was different about him, since the first time he heard Sarah talk about a boy she liked, and realized that what she was describing- what she felt for a guy in her class- was the same way that he felt about guys, too. At the time, he had been twelve, just now starting to realize that liking guys was even an option- and apparently, it was the only option that he saw fit for himself.

At age twelve, David realized he liked men. 

At age thirteen, David realized he liked only men. 

At fourteen, David realized he was in love with his best friend who had just moved to the school.

David had thought about the possibility of bringing it up to his parents, but he had never found the right time, never found the right way to say it. He had even considered trying to tell Sarah first, or maybe even Les, but he figured that Les was too young and Sarah just wouldn’t understand that her baby brother was anything other than straight. Nonetheless, David had made… a plan, per se, of just how he was going to do it. He had written it out and everything- he was going to wait until he left for school one day, maybe kiss his Ma on the forehead and give his Dad a goodbye hug. Then, he was going to walk to the door, yell, “Hey, I’m gay!”, and take off like a shot down the flight of stairs in their apartment building.

It was a plan. He never claimed it was good.

But that was before he saw just what could happen if he did. He saw a news report, of a couple being attacked on the subway for daring to be brave enough to hold hands in public. He remembered seeing the pictures on the TV, seeing the bruises and the bloody noses, and that struck enough fear into his heart that he had resigned himself to being alone. He would lurk in the shadows. Give his unconditional love and support to others. He would be the best damn ally he could be, but after seeing the pain, the heartbreak, the fear in the faces of the men on the TV that night, he knew his choice was the right one. He wouldn’t be able to survive if something like that happened to him.

He had successfully made it three years without anyone knowing the biggest secret of his life. Not even his closest friends knew, even though most of them were in the community themselves. It wasn’t as though he didn’t trust them- no, no, he trusted each of them with his life. Crutchie, Race, Albert, and Elmer, along with many others, had already told him that they would take care of him if anything ever happened. It had been joking, but David didn’t doubt their loyalty for a minute.

But then there was Jack. 

Jack, the guy that David had been crushing on for three years.

Jack, the guy who had the most intense stare, most beautiful smile, most effective puppy dog eyes, most lovely laugh and talent and, God, David could listen to him talk, listen to his accent, for hours on end.

It was Jack that had caused his crisis, who had been the guy behind the story, the guy he wanted to come out for. He remembered the night that Jack told him he was bi, a conversation that had happened at four in the morning one summer night when they were both sixteen. Oh, how Davey longed to tell Jack then. How he longed to lean over, gently cup his cheek and kiss the worries and insecurities out of him. 

Instead, he had just reassured Jack that he didn’t care, that he would always be safe with him, and that he was always there if Jack needed to talk.

They had been in a similar situation about a year later. Another late night, safe on Jack’s fire escape, where they had been for hours watching the sunset and idly talking about the people that passed on the streets below. Jack had kitted it out with everything- some christmas lights wrapped around the railings, two thick blankets laid out on the floor and an old-fashioned radio playing some music behind them. In a way, that fire escape felt more like home than any other place on earth.

It was everything that David had ever dreamed of.

They had gotten pretty silent, but it was a comfortable drop in conversation as they both watched the bustling streets of New York. It was Jack who broke it eventually, taking in a deep breath as he looked down. “‘Ey, Dave?” “Yeah, Jackie?” David asked softly, pushing himself up from his back. He stopped about halfway, kicking his long legs out in front of him, braced on his palms. 

“You… You  know how I told ya, that I’m into dudes?” Jack approached the subject carefully. Davey gulped. His mind immediately went somewhere bad- that Jack had a boyfriend, that Jack had found out that he really only liked women, that Jack had been... hurt. “Well, I-... There’s a guy,” Jack started, and Davey could see him tapping a familiar rhythm onto his knee. Jack did that when he was anxious. “And, well- I like ‘im. A lot. But… But I dunno if he’s into guys, and even if he is, I don’t think I’m the kind’a fella he would like--”

“Are you kidding?”

“Huh?”

“Jack,” David said with a sad grin, furrowing a brow. “Any guy would have to be crazy not to like you back. I mean, have you seen yourself? You’re hot,” David said with a soft laugh, gently nudging Jack’s shoulder with a fist. “Plus, you’re talented. You’re crazy good at art, you can sing and play guitar, you’re wicked smart. Unless a guy just wasn’t into smartasses, I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t be into you,” David joked softly, but every word was the truth. He didn’t understand why Jack was so insecure, why he was so self deprecating, but he knew it had been something he had struggled with for a long time.

“...For sure?” Jack asked, his voice smaller than David had ever heard it. “Jackie, I wouldn’t lie to ya,” He said with a grin. “Everything I said is true, y’know. You’re an amazing man, any guy would be lucky to--”

David was cut off with hands fisting his shirt and dragging him into a kiss.

Time stopped for a moment.

David could feel his eye’s widening, could feel his heart pounding, mind racing a mile a minute. He must have froze, because suddenly, all too suddenly, Jack was pulling away with a flushed face and a look of terror in his eyes. “Fuck, Dave, I’m so sorry, I didn’t--” He cut himself off with a deep breath, immediately turning away from David to face the New York skyline yet again.

David took in a shuddering breath a few moments later. “...Jack, you idiot,” He muttered, and Jack winced, turning to apologize yet again, until Davey pulled him in for another kiss. This time, he was in control. The kiss was soft, hesitant at first, until the both of them got confident enough to take it to the next level.

David had his arms wrapped around Jack’s waist, the angle a bit awkward, until Jack had fixed it by moving to sit in David’s lap. That was when it hit David that this was real. He was kissing Jack Kelly, and Jack Kelly was kissing back.

After that night, they kept things lowkey. David still wasn’t ready to come out to the guys, which Jack understood wholeheartedly. Their relationship may have been a secret, but it didn’t mean tht they didn’t like it. No, sneaking around was fun. Making out in the school bathroom, going on dates disguised as hangouts, even being there for each other on their eighteenth birthdays was something so much more magical than anyone knew. 

They lived in that bubble of safety until they finally told the guys the night after their high school graduation. They had been together for close to a year that night, and it just felt right. All of them were together, hanging out in the park and discussing the crazy graduation parties that had happened the night before. Something must have lit a fire in David, because Jack made eye contact with him as Race was telling a story, and David kissed him in front of everyone else. They had to fess up- after Race finished his agonizingly long story, of course- but David had never felt happier.

That next week, David was riding the high of finally making it. He had a boyfriend, he was officially moving on to college in the fall, and he was finally, finally safe and accepted.

Until that next Friday came along.

David had thought that they had the apartment to themselves. Jack had even climbed through the window for good measure, but David knew that his parents were going on a weekend getaway in Boston, and Les would be at a friend’s house until Sunday, so he didn’t think to lock the door.

It started out as cuddling and watching some old western movie that Jack had fallen in love with, before cuddling turned to kissing, and kissing turned to David pressing Jack down against the bed as he nipped and sucked dark marks onto the tan skin of Jack’s neck. Jack was a blushing mess, murmuring soft pleas as his hands carded through Davey’s dark hair. “Davey, baby, come on, stop teasin’,” Jack muttered pitifully, eyes shutting, before they suddenly flew wide open at the sound of David’s bedroom door opening. “David, we just came back because your father forgot his wallet, and-- Oh, my good Lord!”

The door was shut just as fast as it had opened, and David was so thankful that they were still clothed, until he realized what had just happened. 

He could feel himself visibly paling as he launched away from Jack, hurrying to stand up. “Oh, fuck, oh, fuck--”

“Babe, babe, calm down, it’s--”

Jack didn’t have time to say another word before David was already out the door and down the hall.

“Ma!” David said quickly, chest heaving as he came to a standstill in the living room. He was red faced in shame, and could already feel the tears welling in his eyes. “Ma, it- it’s not what it looks like!” He rushed out, gulping when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Jack, looking just as scared as he did, as he desperately buttoned his flannel to try to cover the marks. “We-- I didn’t-- I thought- Ma, I’m not--” “David.”

David went silent, staring at the floor with wide eyes, refusing to meet his mother's gaze. He vaguely registered his father coming into the room, who stopped mid sentence when he saw Jack and his son.

David could feel his world crumbling, but then he felt Jack’s hand gently grab his, ever so slightly intertwining their fingers. He glanced over at Jack with wide eyes, who looked at him and gave a gentle nod, taking a deep breath. 

Slowly, David looked back up, gulping. “...Mama, Dad, Jack and I--” “We know, dear.” 

“You-- You know?”

David finally took a good look at them. His father was standing behind his mother, a strong hand on her shoulder, but they didn’t look… angry. Or upset. Instead, they were smiling at him. “David, hunny, we’ve known for years. We… found a note that you had written- something or another, of how you wanted to tell us. At- At first, we were… shocked. We didn’t really know what to do, so we decided to wait it out until you told us yourself, we just didn’t expect it to take four years,” Esther added with a gentle laugh.

“It didn’t shock us to find out you were with Jack, either,” Mayer noted, glancing between the two boys. “Jack, you spend an awful lot of time at our house, more than any of the other boys. As long as you don’t intend on hurting our son, you’re part of this family, too.”

That was David’s breaking point.

He couldn’t hold in the sob that rose up from his chest, and though the Jacobs family had never been the most physically affectionate, David found himself running across the room. He pulled his mother into a tight hug, crying softly into her shoulder, and he took in a deep, shuddering breath as she rubbed his back. He pulled away and wiped his eyes, only to be pulled into another hug by Mayer, which was a shocking moment in itself.

One of them must have gestured to Jack to come closer, too, because when David looked over, Esther had him wrapped into a tight hug. David stepped away, and watched with a fond smile as Jack shook his father's hand.

Things seemed to calm down after that, though David still had watery eyes, but he couldn’t help the immense joy that flooded his chest. He gulped and wrapped an arm around Jack’s waist, who in turn began rubbing his back.

“Like I said,” Mayer spoke firmly, “take good care of our boy. Now, we have a reservation at the hotel to meet by midnight, so we should get going,” He said, looking down at Esther, who nodded. 

They said their last goodbyes, but just as the door closed, it opened again. Esther poked her head in and grinned. “One more thing- use protection!” She said quickly, before the door shut with a final click.

David would have been mortified, if not for the bright laughter that bubbled out from the boy beside him. 

Yeah, this was a happiness he could get used to, he thought as he pulled Jack in for another kiss.