#throwback to when my ex sent this to me

[moonlithe-shadow]

throwback to when my ex's mom sent me this :) (the bitch already had a new gf at the time💀)

Dear ***** (me), Knowing your feeling for animals (and plants!) you will probably find ways to keep busy. And hopefully in drawing you will also find a way to express your humor and your love for all living things. I often think of you (eg when I see something nice, sweet and funny). Don't forget how lovable you are, a unique personality. Take care of yourself. Lots of love!

[genxnarumi]

omg random throwback when i heard this song i suddenly remembered when i sent it to my ex saying i related to the lyrics and how comforting they were and he got pissed at me bc the “lyrics are depressing you shouldn’t listen to that” like umm ok

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 20 May 1954

A two-song week, as we head towards summer. Will we be seeing signs of summeriness? One song looks like it's got some flowers in it, at least.

Friends and Neighbourgs - Billy Cotton & His Band (peaked at No. 3)

We've seen Billy Cotton before, on the time capsule of a song that was In a Golden Carriage (There's a Heart of Gold), a tune written and performed for Elizabeth II's coronation. I assumed then that Billy was being wheeled out as a reprentative of something that felt traditional and British, an old-fashioned performer for an occasion that called for a bit of pomp and circumstance - that is to say, that Billy, at this point, was a bit of a relic, beign dusted off as a topic one-off.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I get this - a Billy Cotton original song, in the charts, apparently entirely on its own merits. I guess there's a chance some sort of cultural event catapulted this into the charts - a TV appearance, or a film, or something - but it does seem a bit random that a sound like this can just pop up unannounced, all old-fashioned and sentimental.

Actually, I think the last one's the key here. This is a sentimental song, taken from a sentimental/melodramatic music hall tradition that had metamorphosed into the "British dance band" scene at some point before World War II. It's out of place in the 1950s, but I can imagine a lot of slightly older record-buyers finding this a nostalgic throwback.

Musically, it's a little bit jazzy, but in a staid, plodding way, not doing anything particularly wild. There's a muted trumped, an accordion, a clarinet, and a strummy banjo, plus a whole group of backing singers who don't sound half as polished as backing singers in this era often are. This feels like it could just be a bunch of people you're mates with, which is kind of fun.

The lyrics are banal, all about how good it is to have friends and neighbours, and how they make the world better, how you can talk to them about your troubles, and how "Although you've not a penny / And you house may be tumbling down / With friends and neighbours / You're the richest man in town." It's well-meaning, and sweet, I guess.

I'm still confused as to why it exists, I'm afraid. I suppose it's a nice sentiment for people who're still in rationing, for goodness' sake: you may not have money currently, but you've got neighbours, at least. Trite, but hard to get grumpy at it, and it's not actively irritating me yet.

Someone Else's Roses - Joan Regan (5)

Oh, I like this. It's not summery flowers at all, it's heartbroken-and-angry-at-your-lover flowers! I don't know if that was a surprise, per se, but I did enjoy the story told throughout this song. It's by Joan Regan, who also did Ricochet, whose bouncy charm I enjoyed, and while the tone of this song is different, the theme isn't a million miles away. Again, Joan's playing the jilted lover, angry at her unfaithful man.

It feels quite modern in a way, the way that this song takes a little moment and spins it into a whole narrative. The idea is that Joan's love has somehow sent Joan some roses, but with a note that was meant for somebody different. We don't learn exactly how this happened, or the specific details. Are they still a couple, or is this an ex accidentally sending her things? All we know - in true tragic fashion - is that "The note you send I wasn't meant to see". And worse, it's "The kind of rose you always chose for me". Oh no! She's lost her love

While there's a rich vein of anger that could be mined here, Joan doesn't quite go down that route - a shame, I thought at first, because she did it really well in Ricochet. Here, though, we have a slower, soupier song, and so she goes down the brokenhearted route instead, singing about how she won't forget his love and - possibly the most interesting line in the thing - begging him "Won't you tell me it was really meant for me". It's a fascinating insight into her brain - she'd rather have the reassuring lie to cling to, even though she knows the awful truth. But if he would only lie to her, she'd have the plausible deniability to stay with her unfaithful man. Unfortunately, the fact that she's begging seems to suggest that he can't even be bothered with that - he's moved on, ad she's left out in the cold.

You could get a whole song out of that one idea, actually - it's a shame Joan doesn't dwell on it more. Instead, we get a brief instrumental break, and then the song's over. It never quite gets worked up as much as it could, given its emotional subject material, and Joan also doesn't quite let loose as much as she maybe ought to. She sings in a very prim, proper way, and I can't help but miss Ricochet a bit. It's not a bad song, but I'm just not completely sold on it yet.

Actually, that might just be a soupy ballad issue for me. I'm not often as convinced by slow, dramatic songs, and the more you drape them in strings and elegant twirls, the less I'm inclined to buy into whatever they're selling me. They're just too smooth and pretty, I get distracted. Soz, Joan.

Both of these songs were very melodramatic and sentimental. Apparently the British public were in a slightly sappy mood at this point in 1954. And well they might be, with summer round the corner and proper rock and roll still nowhere to be seen. I can't quite love either of these songs, but one of them, at least, made me stop and think about its lyrics for a while.

Favourite song of the bunch: Someone Else's Roses

[biolums]

its one thing getting jealous. its another thing to be fljealous of someone who wore boot cut jeans unironically..

[buriedsecrets]

A little bit of fanfiction dedicated to @waistcoat35 and @wildenessat221b and their BRILLIANT Ghosts au "Barry's Short for Madonna, Actually". I would urge you to read that fic first on AO3 in order to make head nor tail of this, which takes place in my mind, just after Chapter 7.

A familiar aroma - in this case rump steak, and what had amounted to several sides of chips, had sent Patrick into a comfortable post-tea time doze, with Match of The Day accompanying him softly in the background. That is until, of all things, the trill of his landline had him reluctantly reaching for the receiver.

"Hullo Patrick. You're speaking with Edmund."

"Yeah, I know mate, you're the only bloody person who still phones me on this... "

Pat trailed off, momentarily struck.

"Are - are you okay, mate?"

Ted's decidedly formal introductions on the phone weren't ordinarily communicated via teary-warble. And yet that was precisely what Pat had heard on the other end of the line.

"I- Patrick. I got it all wrong... He... Doesn't like me... Not the way I like him... He obviously just wants to meet with me as a friend. And I suppose the opportunity to bask in the presence of someone so very... Well, it's more than I deserve."

Pat rubbed his neck awkwardly. He was fairly certain Ted would be cuddling a pillow he'd named "William Havers" to sleep that night.

"Oh blimey, mate, I'm sorry... What happened then?"

"It was dreadful. I... I was in the supermarket, having intended on purchasing him a small bouquet of posies, as a gesture of my fondness-"

Pat stifled a sad laugh. He'd love to visit Ted on his Edwardian throwback home planet one day.

"- w - when I overheard him speaking on the telephone about a... A date..."

Pat considered this.

"A, uh, date he HAD been on or one he was going on?"

"The latter. His exact words were 'sorry lovely, I can't make the pictures after all - I actually have a date!' He sounded so bally happy, Patrick... Apparently this chap is a - a 'total silver fox!' Dash it all... I never even stood a chance..."

Pat slapped his forehead. Hard. He was still uncertain, however whether the attendent headache was a result of this, or of the conversation he now found himself in.

"R- right... Anything else?" He winced, shaking his head.

"That he was surprisingly shy for someone that attractive, and also very sweet... And Pat, this is the worst bit... The other chap's ex-army, too... I couldn't bear it any longer after that, so I abandoned my cart in the aisle and came straight home... I shall have to telephone Waitrose in the AM to apologise, but I'm not up to it now, and-"

"Ted. You... PLONKER."

This admonishment momentarily shook Ted from his mopey reverie.

"I beg your pardon!"

"You bloody - Ted. You ARSE. Let me spell this out for you mate, because that posh school you were shipped off to clearly didn't get the job done."

"Patrick, what the Devil are you-?"

"You. Edmund. Edmund Wilson. Edmund Wilson, the person I am talking to now on the telephone, just in case you're still too bloody dense to..."

Pat shook his head. He didnt know whether to laugh or cry.

"You ARE the silver fox."

He huffed, his infuriated bewilderment abated.

"You daft sausage."

[333dolans]

Light Within The Darkness // G.D

Hey loves! This is my first attempt at writing anything for either of the twins so any constructive criticism is welcomed and very much appreciated. I love you!🤍

Summary: After a heated fight with Grayson leads to a cold night alone, an unEXpected and unwelcomed visitor arrives.

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse and Anxiety. ANGSTY with a lil fluff at the end.

“Are you actually taking the piss Y/N?!” Grayson growled, slamming the door to your small, but cozy apartment. You two had been leaving a small cafè in downtown LA when you had ran into an ‘old school friend’, or atleast that’s what you had told Grayson. He didn’t buy it at all of course, he had a talent of always seeing straight through you anytime you lied. He could read you like a book, he had your body language memorised like his favourite tame song and he knew this wasn’t simply an acquaintance from your early teenage years. When he tried to ask simple questions about him, you became very tense and he could see you had began grinding your jaw at the very mention of his existence and the encounter you had just had. you’d began cracking your fingers, a tell tale sign that you were rapidly becoming more and more on edge. He didn’t want to cause an argument from his tendency to always want to know what is going on, his need for control, so he let it slide. Well that was until you crossed paths with mystery man once again. “Two years with no interaction and we see each other twice within a half a hour period? It’s a sign from the universe Y/N, we should get back together haha!” The man joked. You smiled awkwardly, feeling the heat rising within Grayson. You couldn’t tell if it was due to the mans comment, or the fact that you had lied about this man being your most recent ex. It was probably a mixture, you thought to yourself. Grayson turned on his heel and was started off towards the Porsche just a few metres away. You rushed a quick farewell and dashed after your boyfriend.

“Gray can you just let me-” “Y/N. Don’t.” He interrupted. You didn’t dare speak another word until you made it back to your apartment. The car ride was a silent one, something you wasn’t used to in your entire relationship with Grayson. You two were always jamming out to a throwback playlist and singing your hearts out. When you arrived, He made his way across to where you were standing in the living room. “Gray, I’m sorry ok? I didn’t want to make things awkward for you. He’s my ex- boyfriend, it was uncomfortable and I just wanted to diffuse the situation as soon as I possibly could.” You tried to reason. “Don’t you think I was just as uncomfortable probably even more so when I found out he was your ex?! You should of just told me but instead you lied to me.” He argued back. “How could it possibly have been worse for you G? I have so much history with him and things didn’t end well between us. Why are you making this about you? You’re not even considering how I felt, it’s always about you isn’t it?” You whispered the last part, defeatedly. “If it’s ‘always about me’ then maybe I should leave, Wouldn’t want you to be stuck with someone so selfish!” He screamed. You could feel the tears building behind your eyes, he knew as well as everyone else in your life that if there was one thing you couldn’t take, it was someone shouting at you. It always sent your anxiety sky rocketing and left you spiralling. “Leave Gray. Now please.” You whispered, holding back the desperate urge to breakdown in front of him. “With pleasure, Bitch.” He spat before leaving your apartment the same way he entered. Those words, although simple ones, held so much more meaning to you when they fell from his lips, lingering in the air and consuming your mind. The tears instantly began to stream, letting out a choked sob. “If only you knew.” You thought out loud.

You were jolted awake by an increasingly louder banging on your door. You glance over at your clock, 2:39AM. Grayson. He had came to apologise for acting like such a dick. You slipped out of bed and wrapped your blanket around you tightly. The relentless torture your front door was under not once letting up. You peaked through the peep hole, you weren’t a complete idiot, you had to be sure it was Gray. But who else would turn up at your door at this time right? Crack. You felt your heart shatter and swore you could hear the broken pieces hit the hard floor of your hallway. There, stood your ex boyfriend, Riley. You could of sworn you were frozen to that very spot, but your brain took control and carried you off towards the bedroom, rapidly grabbing for your phone and gripping it tightly to your chest. You creeped back towards the door cautiously, not wanting to make too much noise. “Riley you need to leave. Now please.” You spoke politely, which was beyond what he deserved. “Y/N! Open the door please. I need you. I’m a mess without you. Seeing you today reminded me off that!” He pleaded. “You’ve survived 2 years, keep going. I have a boyfriend Riley. Please leave.” You responded, heart non stop pounding against your chest, taking your breath away with every thump. “Y/N! YOU STUPID BITCH! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” He growled through the door, repeatedly kicking at it now. “JUST LEAVE RILEY!!!!” You retreated into your bedroom, then into the bathroom and locked both doors. You violently sobbed into the blanket that had been wrapped around your body as you reached for your phone.

To Babe💘: Gray, please.

Read at 2:45am

3 missed calls from Babe💘

To Babe💘: Hello?

Read at 2:52am

You sobbed even more, realising that he was ignoring you at a time when you needed him the most. You don’t remember when, but you must have eventually passed out on the cold bathroom tiles. You didn’t have the energy to get up, so you sat up against the side of your bath. You reached for your phone, only to see not one single sign of contact from Grayson. You felt the all too familiar feeling rising in your chest and taking control of your breathing. Another panic attack. You hadn’t had one in months due to the calmness Grayson provided, he was your light within the darkness, but he wasn’t here to save you this time. You texted him once more before you fully broke down.

To Babe💘: Grayson please, I need you. Now.

You knew this would work. His full name over text was only ever used in an emergency. You shut your phone off to try and focus on your breathing rather than how shitty your boyfriend was being right now. You had completely forgotten about the text and 30 minutes later you heard the front door swing open. “Y/N!? Where are you?!” Seconds later he enters the bathroom and finds your small form, tear stained cheeks and violently shaking from your cold night alone. “No no no, baby I’m so so sorry. Y/N look at me yeah? Focus on my voice. Deep breaths for me.”

He tried to scoop you into his arms but you cowered away. In that moment he swore he could feel his heart shatter. He had become the man he’d promised you he’d never be. Grayson knew you had and still struggle with your mental health, although he didn’t know much about the causes of it all. He let his anger get the best of him once again and he hurt you in the process. “Angel, I cant express how sorry I am. I didn’t mean to snap at you and I certainly didn’t mean what I called you.”

There it was again. His words began to replay in your head for the 100th time. “With pleasure, Bitch.” “STOP! Please make it stop Gray. I don’t wanna be back there anymore, I can’t be back there.” You begged him, clinging to his shirt now. He cautiously began to rub his hands along your back, palms sore from the strength he used to grip the steering wheel on the way over to your apartment. “Back where love? Talk to me please, I want to help you.” The feeling of Grays hand on your body, knowing he was close to you, knowing you were safe now, your breathing slowly began to regulate. You finally lifted your head and looked up to meet his eyes. Teary and bloodshot, a mirror image of yourself. You could see, scrap that, you could feel that he was sharing your pain. He didn’t know why you was feeling it, but he could feel it all nonetheless. You took in a shakey breath as you began.

“Riley seriously, they’re a pair of shoes? I bought them as a treat for myself for getting promoted.” You tried to explain to him, annoyance growing every passing minute. You were always smart with your money, never splurging out on fancy items. You’d never really felt like you’d needed them. However, earlier this month you’d been called into your bosses office and offered a better paying position at your work, which you gladly accepted. You’d decided that you would finally buy the shoes you’d been eyeing up for months now but had never talked yourself into buying. They were $300 but you decided you deserved them, your boyfriend clearly didn’t feel the same way. “I don’t care Y/N, you cant just start spending our money so carelessly, especially not this close to when rent is due and for something so minor as a promotion.” He countered, words laced with resentment. You couldn’t help but let out a snort. “Our money? It wasn’t ‘our money’ when you went out and bought that watch.” You pointed to the, in all honesty, hideous watch that was strapped around his wrist with pride. “I spent my hard earned money on those shoes because I deserved them, I worked for them.” You spoke, calmly and with confidence. “I seriously don’t understand your problem, please explain? Like I know it may be hard for your fragile masculinity to accept that not only a woman but your own girlfriend earns more than you, but that doesn’t give your misogyny a free pass to belittle my achievements”. You knew the second you said that, you would come to regret it. “You want me to explain? With pleasure, Bitch.”

The tears were once again streaming down your face once you finally stopped to breath again. ��It was abusive and toxic, I knew I had to leave him, I had to get out of there so I did. I never looked back after I left but I guess life has a way of not letting you forget your past, no matter how hard you try to.” You sighed, so tired from the nights previous events. You’d explained to Grayson about what had happened with Riley turning up at your door, you’re grateful he’d left before Gray got there otherwise you may of been spending your night bailing his ass out of prison right now instead of in his arms. You’d explained about your past with him and why things had ended. You knew Gray had many more questions but it was clear you were not ready to answer them right now and you were extremely thankful he left the topic alone. You quite frankly didn’t want to entertain your memories of Riley anymore and Grayson knew that. He planted a kiss on your forehead before scooping you up, “wanna watch a film and cuddle? You can choose the movie.” He wiggles his eyebrows and gave you his signature smirk. “Yes please, only if you bring me the ice cream though!” You giggled, letting the last 3 hours fade to the back of your mind.

You were out like a light after 30 minutes, head in Grayson’s lap as he carelessly traced shapes along your arms, watching your chest rise and fall and lips slightly parted. “I will never let this happen to you again, you have my word. I love you more than I love myself angel.” He spoke gently, watching in awe as your lips curled to form a faint smile. “Mine” he thought to himself, “All mine.”

[gamergirluprising]

(WARNING SENSITIVE INFO WILL BE DISCUSSED OR GIVEN. IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE INFO REGARDING SELF-HARM OR BULLYING I’D ADVISE YOU NOT TO READ ON. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED)

Hello, everyone, I’d like to share somethings that have urked me and outright surprise me when getting deeper and deeper into this whole shebang cause honestly, this is too much to NOT notice. If you're wondering what I am talking about I am referring to all the stuff I found out about Viv and the fact that she never truly seemed sorry for what she's done to said people based on what I have found out and what she's said in recent years.

Now you all may say "G, she said she's sorry and that's that. Don't bring up things that happened years ago or have been resolved." and look, man, I'd leave it alone if it was CLEAR that she was truly a person of her word, wasn't a hypocrite, and didn't cause 3 people to be suicidal and cause/know of witchhunts that she KNOWS happened and/or wanted to happen. You guys can like her all you want and defend her, but be sure they are good defenses, understand WHERE I am coming from, and be mindful of what I am saying. Don't just ignore everything she did just cause you THINK she's super nice or because she's your idol.

I will also emphasize that I wish for NO ONE to send any unnecessary hate or anything of the like to Viv. You don't stoop to someone else's level just cause they did some bad crap. I just wanted to say any of this, loud and clear, cause its straight facts that shouldn't be buried just cause she wants to hold onto her image the best she can. That isn't at all fair to those victims who have been wronged and had their names tainted over her destructive and mean-spirited hypocritical behavior. AGAIN DO NOT ATTACK VIV AND DON'T THINK ME CALLING HER OUT IS A REASON TO HATE HER. We can be better than her in terms of handling things. Do not also think me calling her out shouldn't have been done JUST CAUSE you don't wanna hear it or not. If you don't wanna see it, you don't have to read it.

with that being said, LET'S DISSECT.

 S T A R V A D E R

First I have to start off relaying to you guys what Starvader had stated at the beginning of the document so you'll get a jist of why she even spoke up in the first place. 

 "I type this document with no malicious intent only my personal thoughts on how I feel recently about the situation since its been on my mind well every day now since 2013. At least five years I’ve had thoughts below as to my personal experience of meeting an ex idol and why sometimes meeting your idol isn’t the best approach. For me, that ex idol is Vivienne Medrano creator of Zoophobia and Hazbin Hotel. I’m not aiming to defame this creator nor do I think people should stop liking their work or stop supporting them. If you like their work there is nothing wrong with that but I will refuse to silence myself any longer due to how much this rarely leaves my mind and tends to come up. This has been a situation swept under the rug and most would probably state ‘ well why are you bringing all this up now it was so and so years ago you guys squashed this etc etc “ that being the case, sorry doesn’t fix emotional trauma that comes up frequently during depressive episodes and comments do tend to stick to people in a certain way. Apology or not, words have a heavy weight to them."

I put this here even though I will be putting a link to her doc because people will most likely not read or press the link and just act as if Starvader wanted blood. No, she stated her mind and was clear when saying she wanted no harm done to Viv.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vRX8VEoTS7Xot7D9u5i7MMEgtT44mNEtgpl4FY7QDZCA7ZY2j-CTJF7Uw_JwSJ6WUQNVvaTQv60Igte/pub

In this link It tells anyone who comes across it what she and some others mentioned here had to go through when being compared by Viv, wanting to do what's right and still being "called out" and bullied while getting hate sent to them, and having been told how her dreams would never ever be achieved and that she should practically give up, how she put friends against one another, etc. It showcases screenshots of these examples. 

It all began with the accusation of art theft. The very thing she played the victim in with someone else. I'm sure some of you old-time fans of Viv know who this person was and are aware of the beef they had with one another. After reading Starvader's Doc, I want you to look at the post Vivziepop made to defame someone known as 

  D O L L C R E E P

This may be a throwback to you and you all may have thought this person was abusive. I won't say that they did absolutely nothing wrong since they themselves have said they did some wrong in the situation, but I will say that one was more of a problem starter than the other. 

http://web.archive.org/web/20151008172207/http://enoughisenough-dollcreep.tumblr.com/post/125101370456/my-experience-with-dollcreep

Notice in this post that the very things she did to Starvader she said DollCreep did to her and how she tries and paint DollCreep as this SEVERELY abusive person. Hell even in Starvader's document you'll see that DollCreep told SV that he talked with Viv about the whole thing regarding SV and Viv and she apparently listened at the time. Not to mention that the screenshots Viv put in that post were either take(very possibly) taken out of context or not even bad to begin with (though his reply about the face thing was odd and shouldn't have been addressed b but due to circumstances, I think that's why he was so cautious). I don't know DC like that, but this kinda makes me feel as though he wasn't a bad person Viv makes him out to be and more her trying to destroy his image ENTIRELY for her benefit, cause till this very day she still calls him an abuser and someone she doesn't want to meet again. 

if you continue on into the post she made, you'll see that she has made characters, EERILY SIMILAR to DC's, some WAY MORE than others. SV was willing to change some of the designs and even wanted to stop, Viv, however, seemed to take great offense over such an accusation and took to social media to make her frustrations known. SV kept this hidden from 2013 to 2018.

Oh btw, if you read the doc you'll see that SV wanted to commit suicide. DC actually attempted it. The cyberbullying ran that deep and it ANGERS me.

here’s what someone who saw the sitch had to say.

https://web.archive.org/web/20170619163024/http://dcs-personal-blog.tumblr.com/

can find everything here regarding what DC said about the sitch. You guys DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HURT THIS PERSON. It actually pisses me off that people even attacked DC and blindly believed Viv. It’s Johnny Depp’s situation all freaking over again

Here’s the picture of Viv saying that he was abusive, completely ignoring her behavior, and knowing hate would be sent to DC. Again won’t say that DC was completely innocent but damn man, was this necessary? DC even said that they talked it out and everything 

https://vivziepop.tumblr.com/post/179705403534/im-only-going-to-say-this-once

Don’t even get me started on the whole character credit fiasco that Viv refused to properly fix.

https://krieg-was-taken.tumblr.com/post/101438542866/dollcreep-kibadoglover45-dollcreep-even

Look at this as well.

https://web.archive.org/web/20200104224648/https://tyacutie123.tumblr.com/post/125800399071/beware-of-abusive-artist

it mentions SV again, but it also brings into light a parody character meant to mock DC during all of this drama. 

https://killapunk.tumblr.com/post/125896144245/dcs-personal-blog-enoughisenough-dollcreep/amp

DollCreep does the same thing back and is treated like the enemy. Hypocrisy at its finest.

now, most of you guys will be saying that this all happened in the past. It’s over, some will say, She’s changed (some of you may even say that these people deserve it. Yes people actually have said stuff like this to me or others) but here’s the problem, She still pulls crap like this to ruin people or to make others feel stupid. Just last year she was laughing with JaneGumball (who APPARENTLY made up with the victim) saying that she deserves it for being rude when the girl just said her opinion and was still a fan of Viv at the time, meaning she didn’t even mean to hurt Viv’s feelings and, hear me out, even if she did WHY FIND HER CYBERBULLYING FUNNY AND JUSTIFIED OVER AN OPINION? What sort of logic is that? That’s GREATLY immature and unnecessary, especially for someone her age (She’s 27 or 28 guys while the victim was 15, come on man!)

 and I’m sure some of you know what happened with the person who made a meme regarding HH and other animated cartoons.

She’s VERY MUCH AWARE THAT THEY WERE ATTACKED....and this is how she responds....wow O K A Y.

So no, she didn’t actually change because she most likely didn’t think she had to. People kept supporting her thus making her believe that what she did was correct. Oh and Faust is practically Viv as well. (As seen by the SV doc and this tweet thread)

https://twitter.com/melonbea/status/1206994000563068930?s=19

Hell Viv seemed to ignore this too, as well as a lot of shipping drama if it involves a specific ship, but I won’t delve too deep into that subject since I am not very aware of the things that go down in that side of the fandom. 

and there’s this 

https://afraidofmonsters-headcanons.tumblr.com/post/188662798256/so-lets-talk-about-this-blog-the-fandom-and-viv

and this

https://historia-kq.tumblr.com/post/190882421127

I’d advise you guys to hear these things out. 

Oh and Viv is the type to be a Hypocrite regularly,

https://twitter.com/VivziePop/status/613097846603026433?s=19

I could send you all the screenshots of her tweets but that should be another post on its own cause THERE IS A LOT. Like her Cancel Culture tweet, that tweet where she said, and I quote, “The hypocrisy is strong” back in 2014, November 29th. That time she had a thread of tweets saying, and I quote “never let someone dictate your value as an artist! Never seek the approval of someone else and conform to what they say you should do!” Despite doing this to StarVader.

If you guys want screenshots I can either personally DM or make a post showing her hypocrisy. Cause honestly this is rather, dare I say it, TOXIC. She’s manipulated people and has used them when they don’t abide by her rules or make a mistake that could have been resolved privately, she attacks and it’s saddening. I am TIRED of people getting hurt by her and I am tired of her abusing her power. If she wants to change I am COMPLETELY DOWN for that, but change starts when you want it. You can’t say sorry and expect people not to see past the lies or see that you obviously didn’t change. Sorry should mean what it means, feeling regret or penitence, but if you don’t at all exhibit these things then how are we supposed to believe that you are at all sorry for anything you’ve done currently AND in the past? I mean damn dude did you guys even know what happened to the cosplayer that Viv was mad about?

https://boricua-moonbakery.tumblr.com/post/616407364553310208

Now look, if you like Viv’s content, that’s your choice. I for one very much do like some fan content that i’ve stumbled onto and find some very creative and my cup of tea and while I’m not a huge fan of HH I still very much find the premise very creative. What I do if a creator of something is majorly sketch or strange I simply seperateb the content from the creator. I simply wanted to point out things many peeps don’t know about and any person who is a fan of Viv, I hope you’d at least understand WHY I am at all saying anything I am saying. I want there to be justice but I want things to be fair. I don’t want Viv to get hurt, but I want her to actually learn from her mistakes. I am not here to discourage you from anything, it’s your choice if you choose to stay and I will not judge you for it. I am a girl who SIMPLY wants people to be more aware of who exactly Vivienne Medrano is. She’s mistreated both fans of HH and ZP and it boggles me.

If you guys want more info, like her tweets that I mentioned, just message me.

      END OF DISSECTION

[bulletnotestudies]

tag game ~

thanks so much for the tag @medical-magpie and @jeonchemstudy these are always so fun :’)  i’m tagging @serendistudy and @philology-studies <3

PERSONALITY: I’m loud. I’m obnoxious. I’m sarcastic what the fuck is sarcasm?. I’m cocky. I cry easily. I have a bad temper. For the most part I don’t like people. I’m easy to get along with. I have more enemies than friends. I’ve smoked. I’ve smoked weed. I drink coffee. I clean my room daily you don’t want to know how long it’s been since i cleaned my room.

APPEARANCE: I wear makeup. I wear jewellery just earrings, mostly. I wear contacts. I wear glasses. I have braces. I color my hair regularly. I straighten my hair often not anymore and it’s a personal win. I have a piercing. I have earrings. I have a tattoo. I have small feet apparently, but if u ask me they’re normal.

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship now. I’m single. I’m crushin’ not on any real people anyway lol. I’ve missed an ex before. I’m always scared of being hurt. I’ve been in love more than two times. I believe in love at first sight. I believe lust is more important than love.

FRIENDSHIPS: I have a best friend. I have at least ten friends. I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend well i face timed them, i think that counts. I’ve beaten up a friend. I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend. I can trust at least five people with my life.

EXPERIENCES: I’ve been on a plane. I’ve been on a train. Someone close to me has died. I’ve taken a taxi. I’ve taken a city bus. I’ve taken a school bus they’re not a thing here. I’ve gone bungee jumping. I’ve made a speech. I’ve been in some sort of club. I’ve won an award. I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight. I’ve been in a physical fight.

MUSIC: I listen to R&B imma be real here idek what r&b really is and my music taste’s all ver the place. I listen to Country. I listen to Pop. I listen to Techno. I listen to Rock. I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until i hate it. I hate the radio most of the time. I download music. I buy CDs.

TV: I spend at least six hours a day watching television. I watch soap operas daily. I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives. I’ve seen and liked the O.C. I’ve seen and liked One Tree Hill. I’ve seen and liked Americas Next Top Model middle school throwback omg. I’ve seen and like Popular. I’ve seen and like 24. I’ve seen and liked CSI. I’ve seen and like Everwood. i love how i know none of these shows hahaha

FAMILY LIFE: I get along with both of my parents mostly? it’s been a hard year. My biological parents are still together. I have at least one brother. I have at least one sister. I have at least one step brother/sister. I have at least one half brother/sister. I’ve been kicked out of the house. I’ve ran away from my home. I’ve sworn at my parents. I’ve made my parents cry happy tears. I’ve lied to my parents. I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing. I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out. I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

HAIR: I’ve been brown. I’ve had streaks. I’ve cut my hair in the past year. I’ve dyed my hair in the past year. I’ve been blonde dip dye. I’ve been black. I’ve been red. I’ve been light brown. I’ve been medium brown. I’ve been blue/green dip dye. I’ve gotten my hair thinned. I use conditioner. I’ve used silk therapy. I’ve used hot oil treatments. I’ve curled my hair. I’ve straightened my hair. I’ve braided my hair. I’ve ironed my hair how’s this different from straightening it?.

SCHOOL: I’ve had an in-school suspension. I’ve been sent/called to the principals office for positive stuff tho. I’ve walked out of class uni slaps. I’ve skipped an entire day of school. I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class. I’ve failed a test. I’ve cheated on a test. I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test listen,, i’m a team player okay... it was practically organised crime, it was ART. I’ve failed Art. I’ve failed P.E. I’ve failed Math. I’ve failed Science. I’ve failed another class. A teacher has called my parents i was sick and had to be picked up lol.

[jawnjendes]

a little bit longer | shawn mendes

shawn x goth oc

forevermore 2/?

AN: haha,,,,,, guess whos simping again. i’ll be posting a throwback one shot featuring shawn n ann in a few days too,,,,,,

PREVIOUS

masterlist | playlist

It all started with abdominal pain. It always seemed to start that way. This time around, Shawn nor Ann didn't worry because, well, money. Shawn had better resources, and a personal doctor on call to prescribe Ann the best combo of antibiotics. That should have been that, but it's never that simple.

Ann had gone back to work once she started taking the antibiotics, so she missed out on more meetings with Isabella. She didn’t seem that torn up about it. Isabella went through the contract with a fine toothed comb, trying to find some type of loophole to get Shawn and Camila out of this. In other words, Shawn was too focused, and too physically distant from his girlfriend, so when he got a phone call, it was like being hit with ice cold water.

“Your wife is in critical condition, you need to come right away.”

That’s all it took for Shawn to forget everything else. He didn’t even double take at the fact that the person on the other line said “wife.” (Ann put Shawn down as an emergency contact, but it was unknown as to what she put as her relation to him until now.) He didn't say a single word to Camila or Isabella as he grabbed his keys and bolted. Nothing mattered, not the traffic, not the lights, not the pap van following his Jeep, not the fact that he could very well violate his contract by doing this. It doesn't matter.

Shawn got to the hospital and approached the help desk in the main lobby. "I'm here to see Annalise Flores."

"What is your relationship?" the receptionist asked, typing on the computer.

He was going to answer, but then someone cut him off and approached the desk.

"Ex-boyfriend." It was Eduardo Flores, Ann's father. He had a stern look on his face, which only added to his intimidating goth appearance.

Shawn hadn't seen this man in years. Ed let his hair grow and held it back in a bun. He had plenty more tattoos going up and down his arms, and he was decked out in all black like always. The thing is, he wasn't normally this intimidating or angry looking.

"This guy isn't allowed to see my daughter, you hear me?" Ed said to the receptionist.

"That would be up to the patient," she said back.

"I, I wasn't-" Shawn feebly tried to cover up his reason for being here, but Ed cut him off again.

"I heard you say her name. What, you break up years and years ago but you suddenly want her back now that she's sick and vulnerable? You should have thought about that a long time ago!"

Shawn only remained silently confused. What exactly did Ann tell her parents about their break up six years ago? Regardless, he had to think on the fly.

"We're still friends, sir," he said.

"Gentlemen, if you could please clear the area," the receptionist piped up.

The two of them moved out to the waiting room. Shawn still tried to reason with Ed.

"We still talk, we're friends," he said. "She texted me and told me what was happening."

"Then how come she hasn't mentioned you before? Annalise never hides anything from me."

That wasn't exactly true. Ann hid plenty of things from her parents, even little things. Her parents spent a lot of her childhood fishing out any type of personal information from her to the point where she now kept her life as private as possible. She didn't want anyone knowing anything about her. Of course she didn't tell her parents about Shawn, apart from the fact that she wasn't allowed to.

Of course Shawn couldn't just outwardly say that Ann is his girlfriend at the risk of violating his contract… or at the risk that her parents keep up with celebrity gossip and knew that he was supposed to be seen with Camila. Still, he didn't regret going out into the public eye, his priority is Ann. But it was still frustrating that all of these cover ups had to happen, that Shawn had to think about every step he had to take next.

"Look, she is my best friend and I really care about her," he said, careful not to blatantly lie. "Can you just tell me what happened? Please, I'm worried about her too."

Ed gave him a once over, and then gave in. He was honestly very easy to persuade. Intimidating as he was on the outside, Ed was a big softie on the inside.  "She admitted herself. Said she had a lot of pain in her abdomen. They took her for a CT and found internal bleeding, so now she's having an emergency surgery."

The news sent Shawn's stomach down to his feet. He thought about the last time he saw Ann, and how she was feeling. All she talked about were minor cramps. How did it escalate so drastically in a matter of days?

He suddenly looked up, realizing another pair of eyes was on him… or several.

The other receptionists at the main desk, some people in the waiting room, and even the security guards at the lobby entrance were doing double takes at Shawn. Even when he had his own problems and was very visibly distressed, he was still a pop star.

That was when all of his media training came to mind. He shouldn't be here because of all the eyes and ears and smartphones. He shouldn't be here because if Andrew or Justin found out they would be pissed. He shouldn't be here because the media will find a way to find out why he was here, who he was here for, and then Ann would be pissed.

He immediately stood up straighter, trying to erase the distress from his face.

"Is anyone else here for her?" he asked Ed.

"Her cousin Jimena is on the way," he replied. "More relatives will probably come and go all day."

Shawn nodded. At least Ann wouldn't be alone, but that didn't stop the sinking sensation in his stomach. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. "Would you tell her I stopped by?"

"You don't want to tell her yourself?" Ed asked, confused. "I mean, you're here after all."

"Yeah, but I figured none of your family would want to see me, so…"

Ed simply gave him a look. "Right. You're a big shot rockstar now, too good for my daughter, huh?"

"No, of course not-"

"Don't worry about it. No one will ever know you were here." Ed shrugged and walked off towards the lobby exit.

Shawn stood there, frustrated. Apparently, when your daughter dumps her boyfriend, you and the entire extended family must blacklist said boyfriend, even if he makes a comeback and proves that he still cares about said daughter. Yes, Ann was the one to end things with Shawn in 2020, but he was the bad guy.

Next time, Shawn would just have to play nice and accept the passive aggression from Ann's parents and other family members he might run into.

With a heavy sigh, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He sent a text to Isabella, apologizing for the sudden departure and letting her know what had happened. Now that he was over the initial shock, he felt a little guilty for leaving the meeting so suddenly.

Then, he went for the exit. He saw Ed re-entering, this time with a young woman at his side.

She was tall, brown, and had short spiky hair. Decked out in a red t-shirt and ripped light wash jeans. That was Jimena Velazquez, one of Ann's cousins. She made eye contact with Shawn as she passed by him. Perplexed but still with recognition. She didn't say anything because Ed was speaking to her.

Shawn met her once before, when he met Ann's extended family for the first time in 2020. Jimena was really laid back and kind, immediately accepting Shawn into the family. Ann always referred to her as the sister she never had. Of course she would be here on this day.

If only Shawn could do the same.

_______

NEXT 

gonna make a new taglist so lmk if you wanna be added!

[dailytomlinson]

“I probably shouldn’t be talking about this but f*** it,” he tells me now. “My point is, I clearly wasn’t in the best frame of mind, you know? And the situation definitely got out of hand and people were goading me. It wasn’t my finest hour but it was a difficult time. I was already on edge and, in that headspace, it got the better of me.”

By “that headspace”, Tomlinson means that he was grieving. The airport incident took place a few months after his mother Johannah’s death from leukaemia at 43. (In March last year, his 18-year-old sister, Félicité, died from an accidental overdose. Quite reasonably, I’ve been asked not to bring this up.) Tomlinson, who is now 28, says his experiences of grief in the public eye have been “really tough. There have been mixed emotions. I’ve hated the fact that everyone’s talking about it, but that’s the way it is. I didn’t like the idea of people feeling sorry for me. But I’ve also felt the support from fans and people reaching out on social media or whatever… and I do feel I’ve got this ability to see the glass as half full. Because what else am I going to f***ing do?”

I meet Tomlinson in an upstairs room of a pub in a residential corner of London’s Notting Hill. He is dressed in jeans, a red tracksuit top and trainers. The only visible evidence of his previous life in One Direction, the biggest boyband in pop history, is his hair, which is artfully swept sideways as if he’s standing in a wind tunnel. An old hand at winning over interviewers, he greets me with a hug before sitting down, leaning back and putting his feet up.

Tomlinson is on the promotional trail for his debut album, Walls, which has been four years on the making. It includes “Two of Us”, a ballad which lays bare Tomlinson’s loss (“You’ll never know how much I miss you/ The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead”). In a change of mood, it also contains the Britpop-flavoured “Kill My Mind”, a throwback to his mid-teens and the indie night he’d go to with his friends in his native Doncaster.

Tomlinson grew up listening to Oasis and Arctic Monkeys, though right now he can’t get enough of Catfish and the Bottlemen: “I like anything with big guitars and a big chorus.” He reckons “Kill My Mind” will struggle to get on the radio but he doesn’t care since, musically, “I’ve often been swimming against the tide.”

He puts the album’s long gestation down to creative insecurity. “A good two years [was spent] treading water and trying to work out exactly what my sound was, and what I was capable of.” Clearly, One Direction, who sold 50 million albums, are a tough act to follow, though Tomlinson has also had to contend with his former colleagues putting out solo work before him (Harry Styles is already on his second LP, while Zayn Malik, Niall Horan and Liam Payne have all released debuts). But he rejects the suggestion that they are all in competition, remarking, “I don’t like to look at it that way.”

I ask if he and his ex-bandmates have a WhatsApp group. They don’t, he replies, “and we should, but we’ve never got around to it”. But he says they are frequently in touch, which must be something people ask a lot since, entirely unbidden, he gives me a breakdown of their recent activities. Let the record show that he spoke to Liam two days ago; he and Niall exchanged texts a fortnight ago; and Harry sent him a congratulatory message when he released his last single. There is no mention of Zayn.

Tomlinson says the face he presents to the public and journalists these days is fully unfiltered, a change from his One Direction days when he had to be careful not to cause inadvertent upset within the band or with fans. “No one was saying ‘Don’t do that’, but there was the [pressure] of being role models. So it took a second to understand that [as a solo artist] I could get away with completely being myself, even though I can sometimes be a bit of a dickhead.”

In fact, there are two Tomlinsons that emerge throughout our chat. There’s boyband Louis, full of sweet but bland blather about self-expression, his gratitude to fans, and the luck that he’s enjoyed as an artist. But another version of him frequently comes through who is funny, sweary and thoughtful about his decade in the limelight.

Tomlinson has had four years to digest his time in One Direction which I note, from the outside, looked a bit like being held hostage. But even with the fan fervour, the police escorts and the nonstop media glare, he says he wouldn’t change anything. “We were always in control of our destiny,” he explains. “We rose to fame pretty quick and, because of that, we had some power and some say within the record label and with management.” The sheer pace and drama of their day-to-day existence was, he says, “like a drug. It’s that feeling of heightened emotion and every day being manically busy, and the hysteria. Although you might complain about it, none of us said, ‘No we don’t wanna do that.’ We were just in it. We were f***ing loving it.”

Still, he says, the initial 18 months were hard as he struggled to see his value within the band. “I would wonder, ‘What difference would it make if I was there or if I wasn’t?’ Under the spotlight that was difficult, but that’s what gave me the fire in the belly to get right into it.” It was through songwriting that he found his place and his confidence – he has writing credits on 37 One Direction songs, more than anyone else in the band. “That’s something I’m really f***ing proud of,” he says. “Now I can say I made a difference.”

The end of One Direction was a shock to Tomlinson, even though he knew it was coming. “We’d done such a lot of work in a short space of time so a break was inevitable. But I don’t think I was necessarily ready for how long. We had a band meeting and everyone just said, ‘Maybe we’ll put it on the back burner for a bit,’ and I felt a bit petulant about that at the time. It actually hit me like a ton of bricks.” Now the band are officially on hiatus – “even though that’s a stupid f***ing word”, he says. “Truthfully, none of us truly know [if we’ll reform]. I just know what my gut says and my gut says we will get back together at some point. I think it was too magical for all of us to never do it again.”

The eldest of seven siblings, as a child Tomlinson says he was “well-mannered but a bit of a show-off. I was a lot cockier than I am now. Being in One Direction made me realise I’m not always the coolest kid in the room”.

He wasn’t good academically at school but enjoyed performing and, for a while, toyed with being an actor. Before auditioning on The X Factor, he did a string of jobs at weekends and in school holidays for some extra cash. One summer was spent as a waiter at his beloved football club, Doncaster Rovers. Another yielded a stint at a well-known cinema chain dispensing popcorn. There, he tells me unexpectedly, he was earning “an extra wage”. An extra wage? “As in taking a few quid from the till,” he says with a grin. “It all started because there was a McDonald’s over the road and I wanted money for my lunch.” His trick was to hand customers two boxes of popcorn but only put one through the system and put the money for the second in his pocket. “I didn’t want to short-change the customer,” he explains. “I’d take from the company. I’m a man of the people.”

It was his mum’s idea for him to try out for The X Factor, though it took three attempts to get through to the televised auditions. He says the experience of going on stage in front of the live audience, under the glare of the lights and with four famous judges looking back at him, remains the most terrifying of his life.

We talk for a bit about Tomlinson’s return to The X Factor in 2018 as a judge alongside Simon Cowell plus Robbie Williams and his wife Ayda Field. He asks what I made of the show so I decide to be honest and tell him that I thought the whole thing looked tired and Cowell appeared bored out of his mind. “Well I couldn’t possibly comment on [Cowell],” says Tomlinson, good-naturedly, “though I actually loved it. But yeah, I feel that, as a show, it needs a rest. There’s a place for a show like it and I’ve got my career to thank for it, but we’ve had a lot of it, so let’s just let it rest and make people want it again.”

Life has slowed down since the madness of One Direction but he still can’t find the time to read a book or watch a box set. Where, in his pre-fame days, he struggled to hold down a job, now he’s happiest when he’s busy. Should the singing career stall, he would like to run his own management company. Five years ago, he launched a record label, an imprint on Cowell’s Syco label, but life got in the way and his plans to create a girl band fell at the first hurdle. Originally he had gathered a list of 20 acts that he was keen to sign, and points out that “like, four or five of them are signed [elsewhere] now… I think I have an instinct for these things”.

I ask, rather unfairly, if the solo career of a former boyband member is ultimately a doomed endeavour – for every Robbie Williams, there’s a Howard, Jason and Mark whose careers sink without trace. For a moment Tomlinson looks stumped but then he prevaricates like a pro. “Of course, there are days where I might have unreal expectations and when I have to tell myself to stay grounded,” he says. “But I had a breakthrough moment last year about what success really means and I think I can look at it for what it is now. I have to look at how happy I am and remember that I’m lucky to be doing what I’m doing.”

[purplesurveys]

1105

surveys by seachaange

What do you do when someone is talking to you about something you don't care about? I listen and try to ask questions or add my own input so that they can see that even though I personally don’t care about the thing they’re talking about, I’m invested in them.

What is the best pizza place in your neighbourhood? Erm, we don’t really have a lot of independent pizza joints, actually. Most of the ones I see are chain restaurants like Pizza Hut and Domino’s. The best pizza I’ve had is from Vu’s at Marco Polo, but it’s been a whileeeee since I’ve had their food. Mama Lou’s pizza is also good.

Do you have Photoshop installed on your computer? I do but I only had it installed for school. I have no personal interest to learn it.

Are there any teachers you have that you are close with? I wouldn’t say that. I’m kinda chummy with one of my English teachers from high school - like he knew about me and Gab and supported us, I show my support for his art, we greet each other every now and then, etc - but we’re not ‘close.’

Do you have friends that play field hockey? No.

What about soccer? Not friends but I do know a number people who play football, yeah.

Do you think homosexuals are leading a bad lifestyle? This question aged like milk, didn’t it...

What do you think of the iPad? I remember when it blew up like crazy. It was such a revolutionary thing back when it was new, so much so that my dad even felt the need to buy one. It was fun when the hype lasted; but nowadays I don’t know people who would still seek out an iPad other than artists and law/med students, lmfao.

Do you put lotion on after you get out of the shower? I don’t.

Do you have any concerts on dvd? A lot, but they’re of concerts from a time when DVDs were still a thing. I haven’t had a new DVD in around 7-8 years.

Do you still have a VHS player? I think my parents have thrown theirs out already.

Has anyone ever given you a promise ring? No.

Do you send postcards to people when you go on vacation? I don’t. But aw, this made me remember when Jo did a summer exchange program in London and she sent postcards to Aya in the few months that she had been away. I thought that was sweet.

What do you think is the most comfortable shoe? Out of the pairs I have, my Onitsuka Tiger shoes for sure.

Have you seen Lady Gaga's music video for Telephone? That was suuuuuuch a big deal when it came out. Yes, I definitely have and I must’ve watched it a thousand times. Also rude, Beyoncé was in there too lol

If so, what do you think of it? It was so creative and a lot of fun to watch, especially for 2009 when artists weren’t exactly daring with music video concepts yet. I can’t believe they never collaborated again since.

What do you think of the septum piercing? It’s great.

Do you frequently skip class? Depends on my interest in the class/the professor, OR how tired I am that week. I skipped my psychology elective a lot because I didn’t think the instructor was all that great; and as much as I loved every single one of my history classes, there were a few sessions I voluntarily had to skip because I wasn’t doing mentally well. It really depends.

--

When you're really thirsty, what do you enjoy drinking most? Water. Anything else wouldn’t be able to quench my thirst as well.

What do you find inspirational in the world? I think it differs based on what I need to see at a given time, I guess. At this point in my life, I like hearing from people who have risen from their trust and abandonment issues, because it’s what I’ve been going through as well. I probably never would’ve found something like that inspirational, say, 6 months ago, so it really depends.

When hanging out with your bf or gf, what do you like doing most? I’m a very ‘let’s spend time in silence’ type of person. I cherished it the most when my ex and I would go to a coffee shop and work for hours, in complete and comfortable silence; or when I would be driving and no words would be exchanged for nearly the entire ride. Even though I stay quiet, in those moments I’m actually very happy. Of course new experiences are great too, but I personally enjoy the conventional ‘boring’ stuff the most when with a partner.

What do/did you think of your high school? Teeming with homophobia, bigotry, and just your typical Catholic gatekeepy judgmental environment. I look back at high school fondly because of the friends I made, not because of the toxic environment they nurtured in there.

What is the dirtiest rap song you have ever heard? I don’t listen to a lot of rap. But as an 11 year old listening to Nicki Minaj’s Itty Bitty Piggy, I was immediately traumatized lmao. I still can’t listen to that song.

What about a dirty song in any other genre? Uhhhhhhhhh probably Drunk in Love?? Lmaoooo I’d die for Beyoncé a million times but I always skip that song. My asexual ass just can’t deal.

What is a genre of music you simply can't stand? One of them is techno.

What is, in your opinion, the best way of dealing with a break up? Being kind to yourself.

What flavour of Doritos do you like best? I’ve only ever tried the nacho cheese flavor, but I love that one.

Where do you do your grocery shopping? I don’t do the grocery shopping in the family but my parents usually do it at SM or at this local store we have nearby.

Would you ever go to a comedy club? Yes, with a friend so I’d be more comfortable.

Do you think Victoria's Secret is overpriced? I haven’t been in one of their stores in a while, so I can’t really say.

Do you still have a VHS player? Again, I don’t think so.

Do you have a tumblr? :))))))

Why is it that photography is becoming a trend? So this survey was made in 2010 and I can definitely confirm it was a crazy huge trend lol. Even I got into it and asked my parents to get me a DSLR back then. Anyway, I think it was because during this time, DSLRs had been slowly becoming a thing? and they were kiiiiiiiinda cheap - at least cheap enough to be accessible to a large amount of people - so it allowed people to play with different styles that were very unfamiliar at the time, like light painting, fisheye, close-ups, etc. And then at one point everyone had DSLRs and it just wasn’t as enjoyable anymore because everyone was doing the same kinds of trendy shots lol.

What is the funniest movie you have ever seen? I’m gonna go with The Proposal - Sandra Bullock was gold in that movie.

Did you watch American Idol this past season? No. Do they still air new seasons of that?? I stopped watching when the same guitar-playing, country-singing white men kept winning.

If so, how did you feel about the winner? It’s been more than a decade since I last cared for the show.

Don't you hate it when one of your earbuds stops working? Sure.

Do you have a normal landline, or do you use MagicJack? Holy shit I have not heard of MagicJack in a goddamn WHILE lmao, what a throwback. We had one, I’m pretty sure...but I never knew what it was for.

Do you even use a house phone anymore? Landlines are still common in the Philippines. Are they not in other countries? Hahahaha.

Would you ever consider dating someone who lived across the country? If I loved, trusted, and was committed to them enough, yes.

What was the most expensive restaurant you've ever eaten at? I wasn’t able to track the name but I’m pretty sure it was the fine dining restaurant in our cruise trip that my parents treated me to for my birthday.

Do/did you take foods classes in high school? My school didn’t offer such a class, but we had home economics and we were occasionally taught how to cook and bake certain dishes.

Do you have a tattoo? No, not yet.

If you do, describe the pain you went thru when getting it done. Eugh this is what I’m scared of :((((

Do you enjoy making hemp necklaces and bracelets? I’ve never tried.

Have you ever watched the show Strangers With Candy? I’ve never even heard of it before, I’m sure.

What is your favourite bookstore? Fully Booked, because their collection is expansive, always complete, and they let you take a book of the shelves and read it if you’d like.

Have you ever used torrents? Mostly throughout high school. I did use a torrent to download Midsommar recently, though.

How can we tell if you are in a bad mood? I go quiet.

How are you when you're in a really good mood? Complete opposite - I will be bubbly and chatty, especially in instances when I’m not really expected to be.

Are you nice to everyone, even people you don't like? Yes.

When you're bored in class, what do you do? I seldom found myself bored in class because I’m constantly furiously taking notes. But if the prof themselves are very boring and there’s nothing to take notes about, I go ahead and check my social media either from my phone or laptop.

--

Would you rather go to Lollapalooza, Warped Tour, or Bonnaroo? As a teenager, I had always wanted to go to Warped Tour. As I’ve gotten older, though, the lineups for Lollapalooza have appealed to me more. Plus it’s in Chicago, soooooo a million more brownie points for that.

Do you have anything that is autographed? By who? Yeah, I have an autographed poster of AJ Lee. It was my most prized possession and I even placed it on a big picture frame and had it up on my wall for yearsssssssss, and then my mom had to take it down because of course it’s my mom and of course she had to do it.

Can you sleep when it's really hot? Welcome to summer months in the Philippines.

Do you know anyone who works at McDonald's? I think Carley does, but idk if that’s changed in the last few months. I don’t stay updated about her life, haven’t been for years.

Do you have a debit card? Yes.

What bank do you (or your family) use? I am not sharing that lol.

Would you ever hitchhike? I think I’m mostly open to it, though I will say I’ve read enough stories about murders that involve hitchhiking that make me a little scared of the idea, hahah.

Have you ever been kayaking? We did a boat thing in Palawan a few years ago but I’m not sure if that was kayaking or canoeing. Anywho, the experience was breathtaking.

Do you have a problem with swimming in a pond or lake? In the context of my country, yeah, because our natural bodies of water aren’t exactly...the cleanest, lmao. I’d feel much more comfortable swimming in a private beach.

Does anyone in your family go hunting or fishing? Nope. But maybe some of my relatives living in the US do?? Idk for sure.

What do/did you do when someone you barely knew asks you to sign their yearbook? We don’t really practice that. Only the really expensive, bougie, international schools here that have foreign students to begin with do that, I think.

In high school are you/were you in the plays and musicals? No.

Do you have a birdbath in your yard? No, we don’t.

Is the house you live in old or new? It’s fairly new; we had it first built in 2005 and we officially moved in 2008.

Where do you go when you need a new pair of sneakers? Depends on what brand I’m in the mood to buy.

Do you make New Year's Resolutions, or do you not even bother? I typically don’t.

Most annoying commercial? Haven’t been paying attention to them lately.

What does your favourite bathing suit look like? It’s just a simple black bikini but its overall shape and design is super cute and chic.

Do you like Silly Bandz? No.

If you do, how many do you have and what are your favourite shapes?

What do you think of My Super Sweet 16? I never watched it because I feel like I’d only get stressed if I did.

Do you have mini-blinds in your house? I have pull-down window shades in my room, not blinds.

Do you rent your home or do you own it? My parents own it.

What is your favourite song right now? Trigger by Hayley Williams.

Do you use Firefox? Nope.

Do you have a pool in your backyard? We don’t.

Do you have a gym membership? No.

Favourite field trip you've ever been on? Freshman year of high school when we went to two museums :)

[five-wow]

i watched 10.17 a few days ago and this has been lingering in my drafts since then because i forgot to post it! as always, rambles about the episode behind the cut.

i’m for once really glad for the “previously on” recap, because it showed us the yakuza big bird telling adam that adam is going to be his eyes and ears in five-0 and the bit where steve welcomes adam back home, which i had both forgotten about, and which make the last two episodes make slightly more sense adam-wise

oh BOY. tani and junior are incredibly cute and then suddenly, bam, car sex. i’m really happy for them!!! but i’m also really scared that with how quickly this is happening suddenly, it’s a prelude to something bad happening that they don’t know about yet, ahhhh. they don’t deserve that! they deserve their happy post-coital snuggling, even if it’s in a car.

fjdkfd steve and danny at a literary festival, bickering (obviously), is not something i knew i wanted. also. tom clancy. dear lord, steve, if you want to sound like a guy who likes reading, you might want to dig a little deeper than the number one most obvious choice. :p

oh gOD harry is here!! maybe i should have known that but i DID NOT.

harry: “it seems, uh. it seems i’ve written a best-selling book.” as a person who pretends to know things about writing and has never published anything but definitely done a lot of research on the subject, i am both intrigued and made very wary by the implication that harry accidentally wrote a best-seller. go on.

fjdkfdjkfdjfkd it’s EXACTLY the story i was expecting him to tell, which is that he randomly sat down one day, had a manuscript within a few weeks, sent it to a friend and was immediately offered a seven figure book deal. i both hate and love this, because this is in no way how anything at all works, but it’s also very... harry langford, by which i mean basically james bond, by which i mean definitely a male mary sure, which to be clear in this case i don’t mind, but does amuse me greatly.

oh my gosh, the dramatics with harry suddenly talking nonsense at no one and then it turns out he has an earpiece in to talk to his “literary alter ego”, i just. oh my god. this is all so stupid and i love it.

fjdkfjdkfjdk steve’s little cyrano namedrop with a meaningfully faux-whispered “de bergerac” in danny’s direction is killing me dead, haha. well done, steve! you know at least one (1) literary reference that is not tom clancy. i’m sure danny will be deeply impressed.

right, so deirdre naysmith was a fictional crime writer and maureen townsend was the real life writer behind her. the agatha christie vibes are strong with this one.

we’re switching kind of abruptly from steve on the phone with lou about the case, to steve at hq in his office with adam, talking about tanaka and how they haven’t caught him yet, and then he tells adam that he knows adam did what he did for good reasons and adam’s FACE. he does not look entirely convinced of his own good reasons, pff.

adam: [turns to leave] steve: “hey. i trust you, okay?” oh dear lord, this hurts.

danny: “it’s like a vintage murder art project, or something.” what a lovely description!

junior and tani walk in!!! and there are huge smiles all around and it’s super cute and then the FIRST THING danny says to junior is “i have a confession to make. i’ve been uh, sleeping in your bed” and LOOK, no offense, dear h50 writers, because you were very close there, but you made danny say that to the wrong seal. totally understandable mistake, just make sure to keep an eye on it next time.

they have to go back to the literary fair for their case so steve throws up a hand and goes “just came from there” and danny says “well you love books, so we’ll go back” and that’s some good throwback banter on its own, but what really makes it for me is that in the brief reaction shot of steve we get to also see junior crack a huge grin. sometimes a family is two bickering dads involved in the slowest friends to lovers slow burn in human history and their navy seal son (and a whole bunch of other people) and that’s not only okay, it’s pretty damn great.

harry’s double gets abducted, because of course he does, but he didn’t deserve that! he’s just an idiot who stumbled into a really nice, really dangerous job.

harry tells junior (who is at the wheel as they’re chasing down harry’s double) to “drive it like you stole it, my friend”, which i get, but also makes me think junior should slow down and stick to traffic laws, because if he had actually stolen the car he wouldn’t want to attract the attention of the police by speeding and causing near-collosions.

harry is guiding his double through transferring harry’s money, like the kidnappers asked, and we’re casually told he has a total balance of ten million hidden cleverly behind the password “LAN9F0RD” and all of it is objectively hilarious, fjdkf.

adam is now climbing a tree in the middle of the forest to do something with a camera, and i really wish this means his subplot gets switched to “adam has developed an interest in birdwatching since the divorce and is hoping he caught this rare species of [insert type of bird] on tape!” instead of more crime stuff.

harry transfers the money for the kidnappers and there’s probably some ruse or trick involved (either that, or it turns out he actually owns like, another ninety million), but also... would any reputable bank just let you remotely transfer ten million while only requesting a username and a password? i feel like my bank asks for better identification if i just want to view my own balance.

fdjkfd harry employed an ex in the caymans to get the money back from the kidnappers’ guy there, and she tells him she’s keeping it now because he never called her back. beautiful, A+, i love this. i hope she lives her best life with this new fortune.

so. harry’s double has been rescued and is in harry’s expensive hotel suite going “thanks for letting me use the bathroom” (shower, it’s implied he used the shower) while there is some piano music in the background that could be taken as vaguely romantic and they kind of swagger each others’ way and harry says something about the finer things in life while sort of toasting his double’s face with his drink and i’m not saying harry definitely slept with this guy, but, you know. i’m not not saying it.

there are fireworks! and i’m not sure why (what american holiday am i missing? are fireworks a set part of every literary festival?) but steve and danny and harry and tani and junior are on a balcony and looking at it and it’s very pretty, and tani and junior hold PINKIES, which is almost painfully cute, dammit.

ah, adam’s mystery tape shows two executions instead of pretty birds, which is a bummer. hate when that happens.

this was such a good episode though!! again!!! seeing harry again was a lot of fun, the main plot was ridiculous but also super fun, and tani and junior got to actually be happy for a little bit without immediately being thrown into turmoil for whatever reason, and that’s also wonderful. and oh my god, i enjoyed all of the side characters so much - harry, harry’s stand-in, the woman who was obsessed with a mystery writer from the past and ended up being the murderer. they were all such characters and just really delightful to watch, honestly, which is awesome because it means it wasn’t just the main cast that i’m here for. (adam, though. oh, adam. what are the writers doing to you? i minded his subplot less this episode, but mostly because it got less screentime.)

[macybeckham7]

Sugar Plum Fairy - Harry Winks

part two

You deserve all the success that is coming your way. Break a leg,my sugar plum princess, H x

She felt her heart wince as she walked over to the bin and dropped the flowers in, which gained a few mutters from her friend who was racing over to get the flowers.

‘Hey! You can’t throw the beautiful flowers in the bin!’ She protests.

She rolled her eyes at her friend, as she examined herself in the mirror before walking out of her dressing room.

He had completely confused her, he hadn’t been in her life for four months and all of the emotions came rushing back when he was stood infront of her. It confused her completely seeing him again with a new girlfriend, she didn’t understand how he could just easily move on as if she wasn’t anything to him. But then despite his new girl on his arm he was saying he regretted it.

For YN the whole show went by in a heartbeat, she didn’t even remember going out on stage. Harry managed to get last minute tickets and was sat in the last row, he couldn’t help but feel so proud. He knew how hard she has worked to get to where she was, and he 100% knew that you would. The one thing he had always loved about his ex, was that she was always so driven.

He noticed her as she walked out of the back room, her hair was still in the braids that she had under the wig she wore onstage. She wore sunglasses and was holding the flowers he sent her.

He rushed after her, she looked over her shoulder when she heard someone call her, she pulled her earphone out and noticed it was Harry.

‘Harry? What are you doing here?’ She quizzed. ‘I don’t want these, I don’t want anything from you, I told you yesterday just because you’re here and you have realised how shit you’ve been doesn’t heal my heart that you broke.. Give the flowers to your new girl’ she spoke.

She harshly gave the flowers to him before walking off again, but again Harry was hot on her tail.

‘Babe- YN please’ he managed to get infront of her and stop her. He gives her a sympathetic look as he can tell she is pissed and could quite easily knee him in the crotch.

‘I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I am so proud of you. You’ve achieved everything that you set out for and I let you go because-’

She cut him off. ‘Because I was a shit girlfriend, and because I didn’t give your dick any attention you chose to find it elsewhere?’ She questioned.

His eyes softened as he took her hand into his. ‘No, I could never cheat on you’

She nods as she took her hand away from him. ‘Right, but you can break up with me over text’

‘I know and I realise how shit that was, but I honestly thought it would less hurtful’ he expressed as he gained an eye roll from her. ‘Can I take you for some food?’

She stayed quiet and got lost in his dark brown orbs. It was as if she was under his trance, and nodded.

The two of them walked out of the back door together, they jumped into his car which shared a lot of memories for them both. They always found themselves having a carpool karaoke session whenever they drove around North London to their favourite songs at the time and some major throwbacks. How they’d sit in the car after a match and she would console him after a loss or an unfortunate injury. Also with a lot of funny memories that only they would know what the other was talking about, which she hopes he hasn’t done with his current girlfriend.

‘Wait are we really doing this?’ Harry asked bemused watching as his girlfriend starts stripping in her seat.

She gives him a smile and nods before pulling off her shirt. He starts undressing until they are just in their underwear. They laughed looking at each other before they jumped out of the car. They run into the car headlights and start getting fully naked, YN taking off her thong and then her bra while Harry hopped a little as he took off his socks and then his boxers.

They both shield themselves before nodding at each other and running towards the lake, YN makes sure he goes first as he is shrieks about it being cold. YN close behind before she gets rugby tackled making them both gasp when they resurface. They both laughing that they actually did that. That’s what they loved about each other, they were very much partners in crime. One of them coming up with stupid shit to do and the other one is always up for it.

He looks over and sees her playing with her playing with her rings deep inside her own head. He clears his throat, making her look up and show her softness in her eyes. There was a telepathic confirmation that they both knew that they were both missing eachother.

YN was the first one to snap out of it and clears her throat before jumping out of the car and walking into the cafe that they used to go to when they were together. Her eyes dart around and all of them were painted over the cafe.

The two of them sat in their usually spot, the barista appearing who knew them both by their names, the middle aged women’s eyes lit up as she saw them together after months of seeing them separately and comforted YN with oreo milkshake. She hugged Harry first and then YN while they both smiled.

The two of them sat together, and drank a lot of milkshake, ate a lot of brownies as they fell back into their normal routine of them both laughing and joking with each other. Them both in their own little bubble as they didn’t even realise they were in there for a couple of hours.

YN caught a glance of her watch and realised how late it was.

‘Shit I’ve got to go’ she mutters standing up, with him standing up too.

‘Let me drop you off’ he smiled.

She shook her head as she picked up her things including the flowers.

‘No it’s fine, thanks’ she gave him a small smile.

She steps past him before he stopped her by taking her arm, his touch was as if she just touched an irony as she quickly pulled away from him as if it burnt her.

‘Can I see you again?’ He questioned.

She couldn’t get her words out as she just looked at him, she took a few steps backwards giving him a soft smile before rushing out of the cafe, leaving him alone.

[poignantpulchritude]

Silly Pleasures-Chapter 3

“No, no, no we are not wearing just blue jeans and lip balm to Paradise tonight, go back to your room!”

“C’mon, it’ll be dark, no one will see.”

“But I will see. It’s the principal of the thing Jeanne,” Molly responded, sounding much more like a disappointed mother than friend and flat mate.

“Then you need to help me because I think you’ll hate anything I’d come down in.”

“Fine, gimme a few,” Molly spoke as she curled the last few strands of her golden hair.

I trudged my way back to my room, there were already clothes strewn all over the floor, making it difficult to walk. I plopped down on my bed, laying in down until my body was directly in the center. Clubs were not usually my scene, I much preferred a grimy pub because I liked talking, not really dancing, when drunk. No one ever talked at clubs, words were replaced by groping and bad remixes of passable songs. The saving grace for tonight was that we were going to have a table in the VIP section, which meant less interaction with overly friendly guys that felt they were God’s gift to women’s vaginas.

Molly sauntered into my room and headed straight for my closet. I lifted my head off the bed to watch her rummage through the mess I created. It took a few minutes as more clothes were thrown onto my floor until Molly finally made a triumphant sound and pulled out a small pink dress I was sent by one of my regulars. It was a bright, neon pink mini dress with sheer pink long sleeves. The dress had never seen the light of day since it arrived in the post since, I don’t spend much of my free time strutting around in expensive party dresses.

“Hmmm, I don’t know Molls, it’s pretty bright.”

“It’s fabulous, I know someone sent it to you because everything else you own is so dull. You absolutely have to wear it!”

“I don’t even know if it fits,” I groaned, falling back into my fluffy duvet. 

*

It fit. 

In reality, it actually looked quite nice. I mostly only dressed up in expensive lingerie while online and that covered very little of my body, if any of it. I tried to be annoyed that it was a dress, but found it hard to give reasons why I should not wear it.

“Okay fine,” I conceded with a smirk. Molly squealed and did a small hop in the air.

“You look like Dua Lipa with a fatter bum, it’s amazing!”

I giggled to myself and could not hide the smile. The dress was short enough to show of my large thigh tattoo of Medusa, but not too short that I felt my thong was on show. I paired the look with white, patent leather boots, looking a bit like it was 1980 and I was coming out of Studio 54. 

With my makeup and hair complete, I headed downstairs at the exact moment a knock came on our door. I headed down the hall and opened the door to see Rosie and Amber looking dashing in tight black dresses and thigh high boots. It seemed at time that they wanted to look like twins the amount of times they would dress the same. When turned my way, their jaws dropped. 

“What the fuck J, you look hot!”

“-Jesus, let’s make out tonight!”

I shut up both of their ramblings with quick hugs and invited them inside. The plan was to meet up at me and Molly’s place and then meet Keith at Paradise. Paradise was in the heart of Soho and even though we were not too far away, we collectively agreed we would walk as little as possible tonight. As we walked back to the kitchen, Molly was descending the stairs in a bright blue jumpsuit that made everyone in the room drool. 

“To getting fucked!” Amber exclaimed as we all held tequila shots in the air.

“Wait literally or figuratively?” Rosie asked.

“Doesn’t matter!” Molly said at the same time I yelled, “Both!”

As the shot burned down my throat, I relished the warmth that would no doubt lead to an exciting night.

“Gahhhh that’s dreadful,” Molly gagged.

*

The line outside of Paradise was ridiculous. It hadn’t been open very long and the crowds had yet to die down. We spotted Keith on his phone, standing right by the front door. “Oh, my god, I was so nervous I thought for a minute you would ditch me,” he said sheepishly.

“What the fuck?” I asked rhetorically, in a confused manner.

“When have we ever ditched you?” Molly questioned, amused at his anxiety. 

“God, I don’t know, never mind. I just learned that Matt is supposed to be here so every second I was alone I started feeling terrible.” I gave him a soft look in response. Matt was Keith’s ex-boyfriend, a man that completely ripped his heart to shreds yet he had not been able to completely get over him. 

“Don’t worry, you probably won’t see him anyway,” Rosie assured him. Keith did not look convinced, but brushed it off and led us to the doors. It only took a few seconds to check for his name on the list and we were let in, skipping at least eighty people waiting in line. 

I hated to give clubs too much credit, but Paradise looked impressive inside. The walls were a jungle print wallpaper with low yellow lights along the sides. The VIP section was located along the sides of the room, surrounding the main dance floor with its own bars behind it. All of the people dancing in the center of the floor helped explain the long line outside. This place was filled to capacity and it was still early in the night. We were led to our VIP booth and greeted by an almost nude girl with sparklers next to a bottle of champagne and vodka.

“Oh yes!” Amber screamed. We all looked at the bottle girl in awe, seeing her as the female Hermes with alcohol as the only message to deliver. Behind her appeared another man carrying a large bucket of ice that contained glasses and mixers. Our entire group was in, well, paradise. 

“This may end up being one of the best nights of my life,” I spoke, or more accurately- yelled, in Keith’s ear. He just smiled, appearing to finally brush off his nervousness surrounding Matt. 

Eventually, with the champagne popped and the bottles flowing, we noticed the VIP section start to fill with a very particular crowd. 

“Molly!” Rosie shouted, “Is that fucking Alexa Chung?” Skipping subtlety, she pointed directly at the slim brunette a few tables over. 

“Oh, my god, what is happening,” I heard Molly respond. Looking around, I noticed more and more people with jarring numbers of Instagram followers enter the VIP section.

“Just think, you may be able to get expensive dick tonight!” Keith hollered and I cackled loudly in response and agreement. 

Instead of focusing too much on the people entering, myself and Amber were making increasingly more vile drinks that we convinced ourselves tasted good. Amber, getting considerably more drunk as time passed, pulled me out of our booth and to the small section of floor directly in front of our booth that was still blocked off from the general public. My own tipsiness spurring on the decision to dance wildly.

“I love this song!” she screamed in my ear as a throwback 2000s song played to the crowd’s delight. We danced and jumped in circles until we couldn’t anymore. Along with our absurd dancing, we also decided to shout the lyrics, trying to be louder than the speakers. Molly quickly joined us, leaving Rosie and Keith to have an animated conversation back at our booth. 

I could tell I was slowly getting to the point of drunk, right at that sweet spot when everything was pleasant and bright. I always had to pee at these points. “Come with me to pee!” I said to Molly and Amber, very excited to check out the Paradise bathroom. Before they could properly respond, I grabbed both of their hands and dragged them to toilets in the back corner. I was so excited, I was not watching where I was walking and ended up bumping into a tall guy’s shoulder. “Sorry!” I exclaimed with a giggle, ripping my hands free from Molly and Amber and instead placed one hand on his silk shirt by his shoulder and the other on his check. “Sorry!” I yelled again with a smile, looking intently into his green eyes that looked vaguely familiar. I did not have time to get a better look at his face because my bladder took control of my body and I was suddenly done with our little interaction. I heard a surprised, happy laugh behind me as we all walked away.

The line for the toilets was short enough that we were actually waiting right outside the stalls by the mirrors. I love mirrors and couldn’t help myself as I walked over and whipped out my phone to catch a good angle. 

“Whoa, whoa J. Did you know who that just was?” Amber said, incredibly eager. Molly looked in shock and it was clear that I missed something very big.

“Who? The girl with the nice boots we just walked past?” I asked genuinely confused. Before Amber could respond a stall emptied and I quickly ran inside, dragging Amber and Molly with me. They were both having a quite an animated conversation above me as I peed, but the floor was spinning a bit too much for me to care. I knew I had only one drink left in me before I was done for the night, so it had to be a good one. 

“I’m going to get a Moscow Mule!” I declared when I finished peeing. 

“But we have free alcohol at the table,” Molly said firmly. She seemed the most put together of the bunch, but I knew I was deceived, having learned over time that the more serious she appeared the drunker she actually was. I just shrugged, smiled, and walked out of the stall without waiting for them to pee. When I was drunk and on a mission, nothing else mattered.

I made my way steadily to the bar in the back, making sure not to run into anymore moving bodies. This bar was packed considering it was in the noticeably calmer section of the club. I squeezed my way in between groups of people, maneuvering between flirting guys and annoyed girls, ending up in snuggled between the shoulders of two men. The one on the right had a crisp white button up while the one on the left had an odd silk shirt with tigers all over it. I remembered it as the shirt I bumped into moments ago. Before I could yell in his ear that I apparently knew him, someone jostled me from behind. This knocked me further forward in between the two men, alerting them to my intrusive presence.

I was met once again by green eyes, but this time I did get the chance to look at him more. He was at taller than me, with brown hair pushed in all directions over his head. As I examined his face more, I noticed the corners of his mouth turn upwards revealing a prominent dimple. It took me a moment to realize he may have been smiling because I was staring so intently at his lips. 

“I know you!” he spoke happily in a deep, English accent. This brought me out of my analysis of his lips to actually pay attention to what he was saying. 

“I just ran into you!” I yelled.

“I did it first,” he smiled. I was not sure what he meant by that statement, but before I could question it his friend spoke.

“Hello lovely, do we know each other?”

I turned to look at his friend and detected immediately that it was the man I listened to every morning on my way to class. “Ah!” I shouted and Nick Grimshaw grimaced at my noise, “I know you, but you don’t know me. You’re on the radio and friends with Matty Healy!” 

He gave his friend an amused look and responded, “That I am, do you know who that is?” he questioned, pointing back at silk shirt boy. 

“Yea, he’s the boy I bumped into on the way to pee, we’re friends now,” I affirmed proudly. I heard them both laugh at my words, but I was not paying much attention anymore as the bartender came by us and I yelled quickly, “A Moscow Mule please and thanks!”

I had my body pressed quite closely to silk shirt boy, with my hand resting on the bar, ready to take my drink when it arrived. “I like your dress,” he spoke from above. I just looked up and smiled before raising both arms over my head in an excited movement, showing off my sleeves.

“Thanks! My friend gave it to me.” I’m not sure if I would really consider the client that sent me the dress much of a friend, but I thought explaining in this state would be too much trouble. 

His eyes went to my left forearm when I lifted my arms above my head. Green eyes widened at the tattoo before him, a large snake cut into eighths with the words ‘Join or Die’ etched below it. “Wow this is amazing, may I?” he asked, suggesting a closer look. 

I obliged and pulled up my left sleeve so he could get a clearer view without the sheer pink material over it. “It’s obnoxiously American of me,” I informed him giggling from the alcohol. He gave me a confused look before I continued, “It’s a Benjamin Franklin cartoon about the Revolutionary War. This is probably a tough crowd to show it off in.” I’m not sure how many Englishmen wanted to be reminded of their lost colony. 

“That’s sick,” he responded enthusiastically, gently tracing his finger along the edges of the snake, causing my arm to break out in goosebumps.

“Moscow Mule, twelve pounds.”

The bartender broke me from my trance as I used the hand that was being examined to rip out my credit card from my bra. I heard Nick laugh loudly at the action. “What, it’s the safest place for a girl to carry her delicates. I have everything in here.” Nick and his friend both gave me skeptical looks, urging my innate need to prove myself to come to a head. I then proceeded to whip out two Advil, forty pounds, my ID, and three condoms from my bra.

“Why do you need three of them?” Nick asked, referencing the condoms.

“Because you never know what could happen,” I shrugged, looking up at the silk shirt boy boldly. He raised his eyebrows and looked straight back into my eyes. I felt a small tap on the arm resting on the bar and saw the bartender handing me back my card. I quickly collected everything I pulled out my bra and returned it to its proper position, ready to take my Moscow Mule and head back to my group when a tattooed hand stopped me again. 

“What’s your name?” Silk shirt boy asked.

“You tell me yours first.”

“Harry.” I just nodded, smiling. “Now yours?”

I smirked and went up on my tip toes in my white boots, steading myself on his chest again, and whispered in his ear, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” I heard his breath hitch when my lips grazed his ear. I pulled away, smirked one last time, and then walked back into the crowd, daring myself to not glance back. Rosie saw me giggling with my straw caught between my teeth as I returned to our group.

“You’ve been gone for a year, where were you lot?” Keith asked as Molly and Amber came up behind me, followed by two boys. 

“We need to go,” Amber smirked, motioning to the boy behind her, her conquest for the night. Everyone agreed except me, refusing to accept that my night was coming to an end since I just got my favorite drink. 

“Down it and we are going,” Molly giggled. I saw the boy behind her slowly rubbing the sides of her hips, eager to leave as well.

“How did you get them so quick?” I asked in her ear. “I was at the bar for maybe ten minutes.”

She shrugged, “We work fast.”

It took me a minute to down my drink. It would have been quicker if it was not so strong. I could tell that drink was a bad move the second the last drop went down my throat. I was holding hands with Keith as we made our way out of the club and back into reality. As we exited, we were faced with hordes of flashing lights. Paparazzi no doubt hoping we were people of notoriety considering the celebrities in attendance tonight. This thought prompted me to blurt out, “Oh, guess who I met tonight!” speaking to no one in particular. 

“You mean the popstar?” Molly’s head ripped around quick. I gave her a puzzled look, knowing full well that Nick Grimshaw did not sing any songs I was aware of.  

“Only you would not notice a former member of One Direction even though you caressed his bloody face,” Amber said behind me. I stopped moving, beginning to feel bile rise in my throat. I was unclear if I was going to get sick because of the alcohol or the new information I was slowly processing. 

“What?” Keith yelled looking at me, “Who did you meet?”

I ripped myself from his arms and ran to the closest pile of trash away from the paparazzi and threw up. I heard the sympathetic voices of my friends behind me, but I could only think of one thing. I just blew off Harry fucking Styles.

[merdibbenj]

I am a kaylor/gaylor blog. I made this blog so I don’t mess up my kaylor aesthetic on my main. I’m also avoiding tons of hate 🤣 But hear me out fam.

The /kaylor troll/metacritic sabbotage event on 8/31 made me curious about Nina Nesbitt. Keypoints:

She’s such a random person to be on the troll anons and on twitter. If the kaylor troll event is connected to the Bottom and Scooper they wouldn’t just use a random person Taylor hasn’t interacted not even once in the last years and Nina has a long term bf btw. Sus. One key point how Nina might have been chosen that I can think of is an anon before. I’m active with kaylor and I recall reading an anon from a mutual turned anti as the kaylordom refers to her /more of a person who questions things which is not a bad thing/ about a girl with pink hair kissing Taylor in London. I have not looked up Nina Nesbitt before the kaylor troll/ back then I thought it was Ruby Rose. This was when? Start of the year? A lot of people had pink hair. Why her? Ruby Rose would be a better choice/ they had recent photos together. Hayley Kioko would be an even better choice/remember the onstage grinding 🤣. Actual lesbian jesus and the snake queen. Instead Scoopy Jokes chose someone I haven’t heard of. Super sus.

Have we stopped and think why this happened? Are we, tumblr kaylors and twitter kaylors that much of an impact to their lives that they sent bots to attack us just to rock our ship? Cuz le bottom is desperate when contract is ending? Taylor and Karlie wouldn’t go bankrupt if we stop shipping. They wouldn’t break up if we stop posting about them on the internet. What our opinions on this situation doesn’t matter to the bottomline. Then who were the attacks for? Metacritic is for Taylor cuz girl gets hurt by critics. The anons and tweets doe. Who are they trying to affect by exposing Taylor hooking up with Nina and Karlie hooking up with everybody after an alleged breakup? Uhhhh, Taylor and Karlie. 🤦‍♀️ If they really broke up, exposing those activities would hurt the possibility of them getting back together and fixing their rs.

What’s there to gain if they wouldn’t get back together from an alleged breakup? Uhhhh a multimillion bearding contract? Uhhhhh satisfaction of Winning? You fckd up $300M everyone knows your dumb ass won’t be earning it back cuz she’ll record them again. this isn’t just business it’s personal. Taking back one thing Taylor likes other than Karlie, control.

Sus sus sus. Botts sending anons here and there then they just stop? Either scoobie and shaggy developed a conscience or they won. They exposed them in an uncontrollable way. Idekk maybe this is part 1 of their plan😭 Just suspicious all over 🤔

Full disclosure, I don’t buy all things this person said 100% cuz threesomes and orgies and prostitutes and fucking someone dressed as your ex /hello/ doesn’t scream like the gal pals I love. I put my foot down there. Periodtttt.

I don’t have any sources like the big blogs. I don’t know if Karlie fckd everyone and if Taylor really fckd Nina but here are coincidences I found. Take off the tinted lover glasses we kaylors have for 5 mins and consider these coincidences I found in the last couple of hours.

Who can volunteer an explanation for this easter egg now that we have the album out? This can be coincidental. Song context of Love Letters is about moving on from someone.

Remember when Taylor used salute to me I’m your American Queen for Karlie’s American Dream line? Nina lives in London, I don’t think that the whole London Boy is writen about her/ its still sarcastic/ but this coincidence in the line stick with me I’m your Queen like a Tennessee Stella McCartney. Something happened in Tennessee. 🤔

How many times was blue mentioned in Lover? We know it’s Joe’s favees. But posting this coincidence before album release. She’s a swiftie but she’s never posted anything 13 related before this.

Nina wrote a song in NYC 2017 called black and blue. She’s playing that song while wearing the Lover palette 🎨 check how their album turned out. The post before is also a random throwback of them. Coincidence.

This coincidence. Sing Daylight with me, Side Stepping Into Monday Like and let it go. This maybe the mother of reaches 🤣 however it sounds like an inside joke about misheard lyrics.

I can do part 2 cuz there’s a ton. I feel like I fell down another rabbit hole again. I know kaylors have great experience with 🕵🏻‍♂️ check the timeline yourselves. I’m not sure when they broke up but it looks recent. Afterglow makes sense and the tweet about Tay sabbotaged PR premier is consistent with this narrative. Maybe they broke up. Is Tay rebounding or did sis cheat? The implication and Kar’s reaction. 🤦‍♀️🤔💔

[bucksblr]

plants, cry baby, and eyes!! 💓

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them

i feel like i’ve answered this one before, but i would love to go stargazing with @gentleyeol - we’ve known each other for almost four (five?) years now and she lives so so so close to me but our hectic schedules make it so impossible to ever meet up :( i’d love to spend just a couple days with her bc i’m sure they would be the best days of my life

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel

ohh this is a super interesting question!

130503 one direction ‘take me home’ tour in amsterdam - this was my very first concert ever, i was THE biggest one direction fan in 2013 (who wasn’t) and i absolutely bawled my eyes out when they first appeared on stage. trust me when i say 15 year old me is still crying about this

170806 megadeth, alice cooper and marilyn manson at the lokerse feesten in lokeren - so basically in early 2017, whilst also being a kpop fan, i was hugely into metal music and completely obsessed with metallica (kirk hammett is still my baby daddy okay) and when i saw the tickets for this metal day were only 50euros i called my friend and we agreed to go together and it was a wonderful evening (THE ALICE COOPER POINTED AT ME!!!!)

171129 ‘throwback thursday in het sportpladijs’ in antwerp - this concert was basically a celebration of 20 years of ketnet, which is a dutch children’s channel my generation grew up with, they invited all the singers from the children’s shows from the 2000s and the kids from eurosong for kids and i absolutely loved every single second of it because it brought me back to my childhood

180316 ‘harry styles live on tour’ in antwerp - ok SO i went to one direction’s concert in 2013 and this was the first time after i ever saw one of them back on stage and it gave me honest to god chills, the entire concert gave me such good vibes and i experienced it with some really good friends and we both cried when harry sang medicine, all in all 10/10 experience and i would definitely go to another concert of his

180430 niall horan ‘flicker’ world tour in brussels - CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE NIALL okay this entire evening was amazing, i study in brussels so it was easy for me to get to the venue and the vibe throughout the entire concert was hands down perfect, everybody was dancing to the upbeat songs and everybody cried during the slower songs, it was a one of a kind evening and i loved every single moment :(

180701 ed sheeran and anne marie at rock werchter in werchter - ok so there were a shit ton of people there to watch ed sheeran bc it was on a festival site and on a sunday so a lot of people could come, not to mention it was well above 30 degrees celsius that day and i sweated my ass off, BUT hearing him sing live was a gift in and of itself, his voice is truly something else and i knew the words to each and every song of his and i cried so hard when he started singing i see fire because i’m a huge tolkien fan and my friends thought i was v weird. and anne marie’s vocals were on point, girlie can sing like damn. also, getting home from werchter was total shit but the concert was 100% worth it.

181013 bts ‘love yourself’ world tour in amsterdam - here we are again at the ziggo dome, five years later. hands down my favorite. concert. ever. i remember waking up at ass o’clock in the morning because of nerves (trying not to wake the other ppl in the room bc my friend & i slept in a shitty hostel) so i spent the entire morning on twitter with major butterflies in my stomach because holy fucking shit after almost five years of stanning i was FINALLY GOING TO SEE BTS LIVE, so my friend woke up at 8:30 and then we got dressed and walked around the city center of amsterdam before getting breakfast at 10:30 and then we took the tram towards the ziggo dome and we were there by 12pm, which okay we had seated tickets so totally not necessary but anyways, we cringed a lot at v cringy armys, we saw a lot of armys with these cardboards that read “looking for tickets” and it nearly made me cry, walked around the interior design mall next door bc we had to kill time, went to the media markt and played a game and won a poster and a keychain, ate lunch in a place called booven, walked around some more before joining the queue at around 5:30pm. we were SO nervous. both of us talked w the armys in front and behind us, we made some friends, and then it was time for the security to check our tickets, we were both really scared that we wouldn’t be able to get in bc we both bought our tickets through resellers but everything went fine and once our bags were checked and we were really inside the venue we just started jumping around bc holy fucking shit it was gonna happen. it was really gonna happen fuuuck what the fuck okay. put our stuff in a locker and went to find our seats, went back to the hallways again to charge our phones, said goodbye abt 30mins before the concert started to go to our respective seats (not too far from each other luckily) and saw that there were like 7 front row seats still free. texted each other, “if 10mins before the show no one’s sitting there we will”, agreed and 10mins before the show moved to the front row. counted down. seven minutes. sang the songs. five minutes. screamed. two minutes. heart beating so wild. one minute. i’m about to fall out of my fucking chair. five. shaking. four. crying. three. about to die. two. screaming. one. music comes on and lights go down, i swear my heart stopped. everybody was screaming so loud and then suddenly they appeared on stage and it’s like the entire fucking universe has aligned bc my seven angels are RIGHT THERE i’ve never cried like that before i swear. the entire concert was just filled with so much love. them speaking dutch!!! them singing. them being them. me nearly fainting. it being so fucking hot inside the venue. the thrill of sharing that moment with thousands upon thousands of other armys. i just. miss it so much.

190301 a.c.e ‘to be an a.c.e’ world tour in brussels - i didn’t really know a.c.e all that well prior to the concert, i had heard of them and knew one of their songs cactus, so i researched and listened to most of their music and i was really impressed and the concert really helped to get me into them more bc they’re all so so so cute!! when i first started listening to their songs i liked byeongkwan best (he is now my bias) and during the concert, between their songs, i think donghun was talking and byeongkwan was looking in my general direction so i shoot him a finger heart and he saw and he smiled and HE SENT ME ONE BACK!!!! bro i legit died right. there. amazing concert, 11/10 would recommend

190601 bts ‘speak yourself’ world tour in london - no words. just. absolutely speechless. second time i saw bts, second time i was reduced to a crying mess. i love them. i love army. second best night of my life ever. dionysus live was amazing. i cried. yep. take me back. please

190616 eric nam in brussels - i don’t understand why i cry this much during concerts, i just do. eric was an absolute sweetheart. v funny. i had an amazing evening and would love to go to one of his concerts again!!

190907 seongri in brussels - ok so seongri is an idol who participated in produce 101 and is an ex-member of the group rainz which has disbanded, he is an absolute sweetheart and super tiny :( during the fansign i told him he was really pretty and he looked me straight in my eyes, took my hand and told me that i was more beautiful and i blushed super hard and almost fell off the stage. it was a real fun night! he has a great voice and wants to do a sexy concept in the future

upcoming concerts dreamcatcher & up10tion in brussels on 191005 and day6 in brussels on 200122 & halsey in antwerp on 200305, i’m super super excited for all of them!!

(none of the videos are mine)

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

@gentleyeol imagine going to korea together :(

aesthetic asks