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sincerelynamkook · 4 years ago

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Hennessy (01)

Latina Y/N x Jungkook

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: alcohol/drunken behavior (drink responsibly friends), mentions of smoking, sexual tension

Word Count: 2.6k

Playlist: “Yo Perreo Sola” by Bad Bunny // “Frikitona” by Plan B // “Te Extrano” by Xtreme // “Imitadora” by Romeo Santos”

Series Masterlist

“You ready?” I roll my eyes with a pout instead of verbally answering my best friend’s question. I’m still lowkey butthurt she not only forced me to get up from my umpteenth day in bed, but also forced me to get dressed and put on makeup. I’m barely into my 30th day of getting over a breakup, I had plans to dive deep into the pits of my depression and despair for another month or two.

“Stop being a brat and get over it. It’s not like you were in love with the guy.” Britt sasses back.

“Maybe so. But I really gave that fucker 6 months of my life thinking he would eventually be the one only for him to go out and cheat on me...let me be depressed, damn bro.”

“Dude, c'mon. Tony said this would be the party of the year and you know how Latinos love to throw a party.” She grabs my hand and drags me up the driveway to the front door. I could hear the loud blast of Merengue music all the way from where we parked down the street. Serves us right for being 2 hours late to this damn party. But we were running on Latino time.

“Bitch did you forget I’m Latina?” I ask her. Of course I know what Latin parties are like.

“Really? You sure ain’t acting like the bad bitch Latina I know you are.”

“I-...whatever.” I mumble, not having a retort.

She giggles and opens the front door, coming fact to face with Jimin who has the brightest smile on his face. “Finally bitches! I’ve been waiting for y’all for over an hour.”

Music, laughter, singing, mixed with conversations from every direction bombard my ears. Jimin drags Britt and me to the back of the house, bee-lining straight to the kitchen counter that's covered in alcoholic beverages. He goes around to stand next to Tony who’s behind the counter, dressed in an all black fit, gold chain around his neck, nose pierced with a stud and a septum, and small black rectangular framed glasses perched on his nose.

“What, you on your Bad Bunny phase or something?” I ask him as Jimin hands me a cranberry vodka, knowing it’s my favorite drink.

With a smile, he sticks his tongue out and places his pinky fingers near his glasses doing the iconic Bad Bunny pose, “You already know babyyyy,” he says garnering a laugh from me. “I made sure to stock up on cranberry and vodka for you babe. Britt warned me so we on that ‘Bring Y/N back to life’ gang shit tonight.”

“Oh god,” I grimace. When Britt and Tony get together on their “missions” there is no hope for us. “Well you got food around here? I ain’t getting shitfaced on an empty stomach.”

“This ain’t the first time at the rodeo, Y/N.” Hoseok says as he appears behind Tony with a platter of appetizers on a plate for me. “We take care of our favorite girls around here, Y/N, c'mon now, especially when you're my girlfriend’s best friend” he winks at Britt and she giggles. Gross.

“My hero.” I respond sarcastically, inspecting the chips and guac. With a raise of a brow I ask, “This better be some legit guac boys, not that store bought kind y’all got that one time at Costco.”

“Omg get over it! I didn’t realize it was expired!” Jin yells from behind me. He gives Britt a kiss on the cheek before pinching my arm. I stick my tongue out before giving him a genuine smile. “I wasn’t even the one who bought it. It was Jimin!”

Jimin giggles, “Well that’s what y’all get for sending me grocery shopping when I’m hungover.”

“I was sick for days! I almost died!” I yell back. Not gona lie, this guac is hella good. “Dude, who made this guac. It’s legit, I’ll give you that.”

“I asked my sister to make some for us. She also made some tamales for you and Britt, you know she loves y'all more than me.” Tony says as he pours me another drink. Tears start to well in my eyes, food being the only thing that weakens my tough exterior.

“Tony...tell your sister to divorce Jackson and marry me. I’ll treat her better!” I exclaim making the group laugh.

“Y’all lets move this party to the den.” Hoseok says, grabbing Britt’s hand and leading us to the next room, away from the bigger crowd.

We each take our usual seats. Being a tight knit group since our college days, we have our traditions, one being movie night at Tony’s every weekend, thus leading us to have our own unofficial assigned seats.

The music can still be heard from the den, albeit not as loud as it was in the main rooms.

“So we getting Y/N shitfaced tonight right?” Jimin asks with a smirk in my direction.

“Hell yeah. I can’t believe you skipped out on movie nights this whole month.” Jin responds with a shake of his head. “I thought we were family.”

I roll my eyes at his dramatics. “Whatever. Y’all know how I get when I’m in my moods.”

Hoseok stands and comes around the couch to hug me from behind. “I know you’re not a hugger but accept this quick hug and let go of your sadness friend.”

I giggle and hold back my witty remark, knowing his heart is in the right place. “Thanks Hobi. Give me a few more drinks and I’ll be begging for your hugs.”

He jumps at that and runs to the kitchen yelling, “You don’t have to tell me twice!!” Brittany gets up and follows him, muttering something about going to make sure he doesn’t get dragged into dancing.

“But in all seriousness, Y/N, are you okay?” Jin asks next to me.

“Not gona lie, I’m hurt because y’all know how I feel about cheating. But it is what it is right?” I exhale and gulp down my third cup of cranberry vodka.

“You’ll be okay babe, c'mon lets go get more drinks.” Jimin takes my hands and drags me out the den, just as Yoongi and Joonie were walking into the den.

“Hey fuckers. I brought the Henny!” Yoongi announces with a smirk. At the sound of Henny I turn around and walk back into the den, grabbing the Hennessy bottle from Yoongi’s grasp and opening it to pour myself some shots.

“Oh so that’s what we doing huh?” He smirks and I just wink at him raising my shot glass at him.

“The night is young my friend.” I say as I raise up my second shot in a toast. Joon takes the bottle from me and pours me another one, clinking his own glass with mine.

“Let’s get this bread!” he says to which I grimace and retort back, “Grandpa, don’t ever say that again.” He chuckles with a roll of his eyes and downs his shot.

The heat from the alcohol going down my throat and coursing throughout my body has me removing my jacket. Jin whistles saying “aight mami, you sure you're getting over a break up?”

Giggling, I look over at him to see him checking me out. I’m donned in black ripped skinny jeans, black platform Jadon docs, and a green satin tank top; meaning my tattoo covered arm is out on display. “Boy please, be quiet before you get me in trouble with Tree. Where is she anyway?”

“She had to work tonight. She’s gonna come after her shift which should be soon.” He says checking the time on his phone.

Another shot is placed in my hand by Jimin, “bottoms up bitch!”

I down my shot just as I hear the sounds of “Yo Perreo Sola” by Bad Bunny start to play. “Oh shit! This my song!!!” I yell, clearly feeling the effect of the alcohol contents fueling my body. I grab Jimin’s hand and drag him over to the crowd dancing in the large living room.

Jimin positions himself behind me, holding my waist as we start to dance to the song. We grind up on each other, perreando like the song describes, screaming the chorus together with the crowd. I turn around to face him and push him backwards, ready to perrear sola. The other girls around me start to hype me up and start to grind against me. We put on quite the show but the crowd goes even wilder when the song switches to “Frikitona” by Plan B. Jin dances up next to me with Tree on his arm and hands me two more shots, “double fist time babyyy” he yells over the crowd. I take the shots all the while I’m dancing, I don’t even notice when the two empty glasses are replaced with new full ones by Jimin, knowing it's him with the pink hair on his head, but I down those two. I vaguely notice Hoseok and Brittany dancing not too far from me, practically making love on the dance floor. Wouldn’t surprise me if they disappeared upstairs real soon. The reggaetón bops keep going and Jimin and I keep dancing amidst the crowd. Whoever picked this mix deserves a reward because it got all the throwbacks. I smile big when I hear Don Omar’s “Dile.”

I’m sweating, pushing my hair back from my face every few seconds, regretting not bringing a scrunchie with me to put it in a bun. The reggaetón mix fades off into a bachata mix with “Te Extrano” by Xtreme being the first song to play. Not wanting to go back into my feels, I decide to take this time to grab water and sober a bit. Now that I’ve stopped dancing I realize just how drunk I really am. I lean against the counter and grab a cool water bottle from the cooler, snickering when I see Yoongi making out with some girl across the kitchen.

The bachata mix turns sensual, as “Sobredosis” by Romeo Santos starts to play. I sway softly in my spot against the counter, singing along to the song as I try hard to sober up.

I hear Tony yell a “Look who finally made it” and the crowd starts to shout their greetings at whoever just walked in. I turn around to see what the commotion is all about and see Jungkook walking in holding two bottles of Hennessy, one in each hand.

“What the fuck” I whisper softly, but not soft enough when I hear Taehyung reply, “yeah, he’s back.”

“Whoa when did you get here TaeTae? And when you say ‘he’s back’ you mean cause of summer break right?” I ask without turning back around to look at him, my attention at one man and one man only.

“I got here a while ago with Janet, we were outside smoking though.” Ahh that makes sense. “And no, he’s back for good. He graduated last week.” He says with a smirk in my direction.

My eyes go wide, muttering a soft, “fuck.” I turn around to face the kitchen, hands in my hair in exasperation. How did he graduate already? He’s like three years younger than me! I close my eyes and focus on doing the math only to realize that he in fact was graduating college this year. Shit.

Tae pats my back, “what’s got your panties in a twist love? It’s not like you fucked the guy on his 21st birthday and never spoke to him again even though he’s one of your best friend’s, Yoongi’s to be exact, younger brother.”

I open my eyes and face Tae. He yells an exaggerated ‘OW!” when I twist his nipple.

“Kim Taehyung what the fuck?! I told you never to mention that again.” I exhale and make the decision to continue my “getting shitfaced” mission. Pouring a line of shots, I start to take them one after the other until Tae decides to take the last 3 himself earning a “fuck you” from me.

I lean against the counter, facing the living room only to see Jungkook walking towards me. I roll my eyes at him when I see his smirk directed at me. He walks up next to me and opens the bottle of Hennessy, not saying a word. Taehyung chuckles and leaves with a “have fun lovebirds.” Jungkook pours two shots and hands me one. But he doesn’t just give it to me like any decent person would, no way, he has the audacity to bring the shot glass to my lips , softly nudging my lips open with it to make me drink. Not one to back down from a challenge, I hold his hand holding the shot glass against me and throw my head back to down it. His big brown eyes, those that were so full of innocence, are now full of lust and focused on my lips. I don’t miss the way they subtly move down to look at my neck when I swallow the alcohol, or the way his hand still near my lips slightly twitches when my tongue flicks out to lick my bottom lip, making sure I take every drop of alcohol he gave me.

He leans closer to me, his scent which now surrounds me making me even drunker. My hands go up to his chest instinctively, as if I had the willpower to actually shove him away. I could feel his heart beating faster against my hands, his pecks feeling tight...woah when did that happen?

I feel, rather than see, his face lean closer to my ear where he softly whispers, “wana show me what else you can swallow?” His deep melodic voice has me closing my eyes and gulping in a millisecond, feeling a rush of wetness pool at my core.

I open my eyes, reminding myself who I’m talking to and laugh the nerves away. I shove him back, needing some room to breathe and he chuckles at my antics.

The playlist starts to play “Imitadora” by Romeo Santos and I can feel a change in the atmosphere. Jungkook takes a step closer to me, arm going around me to softly push me against him. He leans close to my ear again to whisper “dance with me” but I’m too high off his scent and to the beat of his heart that’s vibrating against where my hands rest on his chest to answer. He takes it as a yes and walks us backwards to the center of the makeshift dance floor.

I bring myself back to the present and raise an eyebrow at him, “You sure you can keep up Korean boy?” I feel his chest softly vibrate from his chuckle.

“I have a few tricks up my sleeve preciosa” he answers with a smirk as he twirls me around. I swoon at his honey like voice calling me “preciosa,” with the subtle hint of his accent. But I feel my pussy clench when he dances bachata like a Latin born man.

My heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest when he starts singing the chorus of the song in perfect Spanish close to my ear. Hitting every note like if he was Romeo Santos.

He must've heard my swift intake of breath by the way he smiles. A smile I feel on my neck as he leans even closer to me to drop a kiss at my nape, sealing it with a lick.

The song comes to an end, quickly transitioning to a more up tempo bachata song. Jungkook drops another kiss on my neck and whispers “wana see what other tricks I got?”

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sanchoyo · 3 years ago

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danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

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give-me-back-my-rhodey · 4 years ago

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You're the Closest to Heaven that I'll Ever Be

Title: You're the Closest to Heaven that I'll Ever Be - Chapter 1

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - College/University

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28560201/chapters/69990555

Summary: When Bucky asks Sam out, he never thought Sam would agree. Now he can't believe they're in a relationship. Sam could do much better than him!

Can Bucky overcome his insecurities to keep his relationship?

Written for @betheflame for @marvelfans4blm

“Would you, like, wannagooutsometime?” Bucky asks. Sam agrees! He can’t believe it.

He spends way too much time trying to pick out an outfit. Finally settling on his black skinny jeans, a maroon tshirt, and his black leather jacket, Bucky quickly gets ready to pick Sam up.

The campus theater is only a few blocks away from their dorms. Bucky walks over to Sam’s room so that they can walk to the theater together. It’s such a nice night anyways. Sam is ready when Bucky knocks on the door. He gives Bucky a smile and falls in line with him as they walk to the movies.

Wracking his brain for a suitable conversation, Bucky stammers out a comment about the weather. Why is it so hard for me to talk to Sam right now? I’ve never had this problem before. Sam must realize his awkwardness because he takes control of the conversation, telling Bucky about his psychology class.

The theater is having a throwback week. The movies scheduled for tonight are Back to the Future, The Breakfast Club, and Sixteen Candles. Sam is a huge Back to the Future nerd. Bucky enjoys watching him get excited over the minutest details. He barely watches the movie, as his focus swings back and forth between I love how happy Sam is about this and I can’t believe Sam would date me!

Once the movie is over, they head over to a little café where Bucky buys them both shakes and fries. He can’t help but melt when Sam beams at him. “You know me so well, Bucky!” The other man gushes. “It’s like we’re dating in an Archie comic!”

Conversation flows quickly after that. Bucky and Sam sit in their booth long after the waiter gives them their check. All too soon, they are shooed out of the café because it is closing. They walk slowly home, talking about the NFL trade deadline.

When Bucky walks Sam up to his door, awkwardness ensues. Am I supposed to kiss him? Was this like a date-date, or like…? Bucky thinks, panicking.

“Thanks for tonight.” Sam turns to him, hand in his sweatshirt pockets. “I had a lot of fun.”

Bucky smiles. “Your welcome. I-”

“Ooooh! It’s the doorstep scene. Are you gonna kiiiiiiiss?” Sam’s roommate, Clint, walks up behind them.

“Shut up, Clint,” Sam says good-naturedly. He gives Bucky a quick hug, thanks him again, and disappears inside his dorm.

Clint’s eyes go wide. “Were you – oh my bad – sorry man.” He gestures wildly. “Sorry Bucky.” Bucky just shakes his head wordlessly and walks back to his dorm. His roommate, Steve, is still up, watching Criminal Minds.

“So, how was your date?” Steve asks between mouthfuls of popcorn. Bucky grunts and walks to his room. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Have you ever wondered why someone would date you when they could do so much better than you?” Bucky asks during the Mechanical Engineering workshop the next day.

Tony Stark sets down his tools and lifts his goggles. “Yes, every day. Rhodey is way better than me.”

“What do you do? Like how do you make sure he stays?”

“Well, I like to think that it’s my charm.” Tony grins widely. “But I try to do something super nice for him as much as I can. Like last week, we went skydiving then ate dinner in the private room of the Four Seasons. The steak was…” and he kisses his fingertips. “delicio. And then last month, I took him on a vacation in Tahiti…”

Bucky listens to Tony’s rant, but he soon realizes that Tony forgets that not everyone is a trust-fund son of a billionaire. The one thing that does stick, however, is that he will have to make some grand gestures to make sure Sam doesn’t realize how much better he could do than Bucky.

Steve asks Bucky again how the date went when they go out for lunch. Bucky reveals his fears to Steve, who, ever the loyal best friend, vehemently states that Bucky is just fine the way he is, and if Sam doesn’t like it, he can walk. Bucky wants to mention that he doesn’t want Sam to walk away but he can’t really get a word in as Steve lists all of Bucky’s attributes.

“I don’t know what to do.” Bucky mumbles to himself. Should he call Sam? Or is that seen as too clingy? Unsure of what to do, he hangs around Thor and Heimdall’s dorm all afternoon.

“My friend,” Heimdall finally takes a seat on the couch next to him. “Not that we don’t mind you hanging around, but why are you? Didn’t you go on a date with Sam last night?”

Bucky groans. “Yeah, but I think I screwed it up.”

“Why is that?” Bucky hates the way Heimdall seems to see right through him.

“Well I took him to a movie and then to the Shake Shoppe. They were having a throwback night. I don’t know, I feel like I should have gone more all out. Like he’s so much better than me. Then, you know, I walk him to his door. I’m not sure if we’re going to hug, kiss, or just fist bump, you know?” Heimdall closes his eyes slowly with a give me strength look. “So then, his roommate, Clint walks up and asks us if we’re going to kiss. I panic, and Sam just walks inside. Just walking inside is never good, right? And I don’t want to call him or find him because I don’t want to look clingy. We’ve only gone on one date!”

“Did Sam seem like he didn’t enjoy the date?” Thor questions.

Bucky thinks back. “He never said that. In fact, he told me that it was like a page out of an Archie comic. But why would he just shut the door in my face?”

“I think you should give him a call or find him.” Heimdall gestures to the door. “Then you’ll know. If he thought the date was pure shit, well, then you never have to go out with him again. But if he enjoyed the date, which is the more likely case, you can go out again. Nothing good ever comes from miscommunication.”

“Ok, ok. I’ll take the hint.”

Bucky leaves. He does not, however, call Sam.

Read more on AO3

#sambucky #background Ironhusbands #marvelfans4blm #i write!

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ihearthorror · 4 years ago

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My Top 10 Favourite Horror Films of 2020

Every January, most people who review or talk about movies on YouTube tend to piece together a Top 10 list of their favourite movies from the year prior. In order to stand out from the crowd (and also because I was too lazy to do this sooner), I decided to wait until March, by which time most YouTubers aren’t really talking about movies from 2020 anymore.

I know what you’re thinking: sounds kinda stupid – why would anybody care about a Top 10 list of the best movies of 2020…THREE months into the new year!? Well, as you’ve likely heard, 2020 was a year like no other, and as result of the ongoing global pandemic, movie release dates from 2020 were pushed back months, sometimes multiple times. Some films that were supposed to be released last year didn’t arrive until 2021, even though they’re officially considered “2020 films,” according to their profiles on websites like IMBD and Letterboxd.

And so, some of these so-called “2020 films” were not available (at least to me) until only recently, such as Saint Maud or The Dark and the Wicked. I feel like I’ve now had a chance to see almost all of the horror films I’ve wanted to see from last year. In this video, if you care to stick around, I will share with you my Top 10 favourite horror films of 2020. So, here we go…

#10/ The Dark and the Wicked:

A sister and brother return to the family homestead where their father is slowly dying and their mother is understandably distraught but also disturbed and distant. The siblings soon realize that something evil has invaded their family home as they are terrorized by whatever is slowly killing their father. Directed by the same guy behind 2008’s The Strangers, The Dark and the Wicked is at times bleak and unsettling, and it does a good job at keeping you intrigued in this family’s unnerving conflict. However, it felt a bit rushed and undeveloped at other times, and its ending left me somewhat unsatisfied.

#9/ Relic:

Soon after Kay and her daughter Sam return to their remote family home following the disappearance of the family matriarch, the widowed Edna, they discover that something sinister has taken hold of both Edna and the house itself. Although Relic – which was co-produced by Jake Gyllenhaal and marked the feature directorial debut for Natalie Erika James – isn’t exactly offering up any enticing twists or salacious gore, or even a original concept for that matter, it relies on evoking dread and building tension to compel its audience to stay invested until the bitter end.

#8/ Amulet:

Taking its sweet time to unravel, Amulet is centered around Tomaz, an ex-soldier who is now homeless but is offered a place to stay at a decaying house in London, which is inhabited by a beautiful young woman named Magda and her dying mother. As the story moves along, we see that Tomaz is starting to develop feelings for Magda, who seems a bit…off. His feelings for her don’t wane even after Tomaz discovers that there’s something insidious going on in the attic of the house, where Magda’s mother is seemingly imprisoned. Toss in a suspicious nun and you’ve got yourself a creepy little film that seems to have fallen between the cracks.

#7/ The Beach House:

One might argue that not a lot actually happens in The Beach House and that the payoff isn’t worth the investment, but if you go into this film with an open mind and zero expectations, you should at least be satisfied. Two troubled college students head to a deserted beach getaway to spend some time together, but end up struggling to survive alongside some unexpected guests as a mysterious infection disrupts their holiday. Although it is a slow build up to the film’s climax, it is a tense and intriguing ride along the way, as a series of unsettling events give way to an apocalyptic episode that feels almost like a throwback to the sci-fi films of the 1950s. Making his feature film directorial debut, Jeffrey A. Brown elicits with The Beach House those brooding existential thoughts that lay dormant in the deep boroughs of our minds.

#6/ The Invisible Man:

There’s always an elevated risk when making a modern film based on an old story that has already been told through cinema numerous times before. The last time H.G. Wells’ 1897 novel The Invisible Man had been adapted by Hollywood was in 2000’s Hollow Man, which was panned by critics despite making a sizeable profit. The 2020 adaptation is far superior and is perhaps the best adaptation of Wells’ classic in any medium. Elizabeth Moss gives a stellar performance that draws real emotion, so that we agonize alongside her as she is essentially haunted by a relentless ghost hellbent on controlling every aspect of her life. We live in an era when technology has advanced enough to bring this 124-year-old story to life like never before, while a polished script and an exceptional lead performance gives The Invisible Man a deeper level of emotion and terror.

#5/ Saint Maud:

For most of Saint Maud it is unclear whether certain experiences are actually happening in reality for the main character or if it’s all simply in her head, as some sort of mental breakdown caused by a work-related tragedy. Maud is a young hospice nurse and a newly-converted Roman Catholic who suddenly becomes obsessed with “saving the soul” of the woman she is currently taking care of, Amanda, a hedonistic dancer with a chronic illness. Maud’s behaviour worsens, as does her mental state, as horrific scenes and visions make us question if she’s actually losing her mind or experiencing something beyond this world. Saint Maud is an A24 feature by the way, so that should be enough to know what you’re getting here in terms of quality.

#4/ The Lodge:

Isolation is often embraced as a way to pad a horror film’s fear factor, and it works especially here in The Lodge, as a soon-to-be stepmom becomes stranded at a remote holiday home in the middle of winter with her fiance’s two children. The kids begin to untangle the dark past of their stepmom-to-be and a series of disturbing events transpire as their hope for survival fades. The Lodge is a dreary, atmospheric slow burn that leaves you somewhat unsettled. With its wintry backdrop, stylish sequences, and almost claustrophobic dread, the film doesn’t ever allow its audience to feel at ease for long, insisting that an underlying foreboding remain intact throughout. Although I found the ending somewhat disappointing, I immediately began to concoct a possible prequel that would delve into the backstory of the film’s lead character. One can hope.

#3/ Host:

It’s increasingly difficult to be innovative and original when it comes to horror films these days, especially in the particular genre of so-called “found footage.” Rob Savage’s Host, however, comes off as something different, setting itself apart from most films in this realm in various ways. It centers around six friends who hold a séance via Zoom during a COVID lockdown, guided (at first) by a medium they hired. The séance then takes a dark turn and things soon escalate into madness. Sure, there are elements in Host that are prevalent in numerous horror films, but it uses a modern and topical way to implement them, while also refusing to overstay its welcome by cueing the credits less than an hour in. Overall, this film’s popcorn-and-Saturday-night-movie fun factor is why it ranks so high on this list.

#2/ Possessor:

It’s always a treat to come across an original idea, especially when it’s within the horror realm, and Possessor is certainly unlike anything else I’ve seen in awhile. Andrea Riseborough plays an elite corporate assassin who uses brain-implant technology to take control over other people’s bodies in order to kill high profile targets, though with every mission she gets further and further away from her true self. With her latest possession, she becomes trapped in the mind of a man who threatens to obliterate her for good. It is a provocative vision by director-writer Brandon Cronenberg, who just so happens to be the son of legendary Canadian filmmaker David Cronenberg, and it serves as a disturbing piece of dystopian fiction that is even more frightening because it isn’t too far beyond belief.

And because everyone else is doing it, here are five honorable mentions that narrowly missed the list:

- The Call

- Color Out of Space

- Don’t Listen

- The Mortuary Collection

- Porno

#1/ His House:

In addition to its emotional storytelling and genuine moments of terror, His House – from first-time director Remi Weekes – sheds a light on the plight of refugees in a way that feels both respectful and empathetic. After a Sudanese couple make a harrowing escape from their war-torn homeland, they are granted asylum in England, where they struggle to adjust and fit in. They are assigned a shabby house on the outskirts of London, where the couple begin to experience terrifying and unexplainable events. His House is built around a fresh concept, two fantastic leads, and some truly haunting imagery, and I wish that more horror directors would put as much effort into quality filmmaking as Weekes did here. If this is his first venture into feature filmmaking, I am excited to see what his future has in store.

There you have it, my Top 10 favourite horror films of 2020. What did you think and were any of these titles on your own Top 10 list? Please tell me your thoughts and recommendations in the comments below.

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#ihearthorror moviereviews horrormovies Top10horror bestof2020 horrormovies2020 bestofhorror2020

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entertainment · 5 years ago

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Entertainment Spotlight: Brooke Lewis Bellas

Brooke Lewis Bellas can currently be seen in the film The Mourning. She also brought her talent to the role of Pam Deluca in the comedy ½ New Year, about a tight-knit group of friends letting loose at their annual Half New Year Party. Brooke is a veteran of the horror genre and is returning to those roots with a role in the upcoming zombie film set in 1950’s Hollywood, The Day of The Living Dead. Her other film credits include the critically-acclaimed films Psycho Therapy, iMurders, and Sinatra Club, opposite Danny Nucci. Brooke’s TV credits include Fox’s Quintuplets. She will next be seen in the steaming series Red Rooms, which she also produced. Alongside her acting work, Brooke is a life coach and author of Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess, is a Celebrity Ambassador for the Breaking The Chains Foundation, participates in LA Mission Feed The Homeless, and is a staunch LGBTQ and AIDS Activist.

You have worked extensively in the horror genre—what is it that draws you to that particular genre?

I have always embraced my inner detective and have loved solving mysteries. No wonder I have been a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock and Brian De Palma most of my life! I was also obsessed with vampires as a young girl and loved the ‘80s horror films when I was growing up. I have always been drawn to the darkness, unknown, mystery and escapism that horror offers. I also love how the horror genre embraces women of all body types (and curves) and offers strong roles for women!

If you could, is there anything that you would want to change about the horror genre?

If I could change anything about the horror genre, it would be the mainstream and public perception. Horror is often perceived as B-movie quality, evil, cultish, or less respectful than comedy or other genres, and that can be a false perception. There are many mainstream movies that we have all loved throughout the history of cinema and these are the type of horror genre films that I grew up watching. I have never been a fan of gratuitous horror and I could reference my favorites, from Alfred Hitchcock to Agatha Christie to Stephen King to Brian De Palma to the current thrillers and mainstream entertainment brought to us by Blumhouse or Jordan Peele, that are timeless. I wish people would understand how smart some of these screenplays are, the subtext of the stories being told. I wish the judgment and stigma of a lot of horror would be removed.

What would you say makes for a good scene partner?

I have been fortunate to act opposite some veteran greats and brilliantly talented actors, and I would, humbly, say that the most important components that make for a good scene partner are generosity, vulnerability, and openness—a partnership in which we listen and support each other. I have worked for over 20 years as an actress in this crazy industry, and there is little I have not experienced. I cannot say that working opposite the most “talented” or trained actors have necessarily been the best scene partner experiences for me. But working opposite generous actors who give and who support you, as you do for them, and you become like a well-oiled machine where the parts work better together...those actors who want you to succeed, who want to bring out the best in you, and you and them, a give and take—that is when movie magic is created!

1/2 New Year is a comedy, so can you tell us what drew you to the project? Can you tell us a little bit about the role of Pam?

½ New Year is an indie film with heart about a group of young people in their 20s who come to Hollywood, not necessarily for the entertainment industry but to live the life…live their best life…live their dreams…live that excitement that we all grow up seeing in movies, and yet, it is not always that simple. And, it is not always that glamorous or fun. We see how these relationships and people are glued together. I think the tagline sums it up best: "Friends are the family you get to choose." So, it is about a group of friends that go through the ups and downs of young life in Hollywood, and they learn that all you really have is love and friendship. I play Pam DeLuca, the big sister of Reed DeLuca (Drew McAnany). The film displays how sometimes we have family out here that is far away from our biological family, and it is what we go through, and the support we need to get from the worst of times to the best of times. It is very 80’s throwback and I think that's what I love so much about it. I met our star, writer, and producer, Drew McAnany, in Hollywood over ten years ago. Drew originally started out hosting in LA, and he was working at E! Entertainment when he interviewed me on the red carpet. He asked me about Philly, and we quickly bonded during that meeting, so he really became like a little brother to me. Like so many young actors in Hollywood, Drew was fighting to get a break for himself as an actor, so he created ½ New Year as a vehicle for himself to star in. He also wrote the role of his big sister, Pam DeLuca (from Philly), for me to act in. We had worked through a few years of table reads and different directors and producers, then Georgia Menides jumped on board, did the re-write on the script, then became the producer who made it happen. Along with producer Zach Block, they hired Tom Morash as our director to creatively guide this project.

I am honored and grateful to have had Pam DeLuca written specifically for me. I think that is something every actor and actress wants in their career. Pam is in her 30’s, and a bit older than her brother Reed and his friends. They are Italian from South Philly, so they argue, but are very close. Pam is part of the gang, but she is like the "mother hen" to them. Her journey is about protecting her brother and giving guiding advice to the girls they hang out with, including the gorgeous leads, played by Bo Youngblood, Shanley Caswell, and Rebecca Vinagro. She also likes to have flings with Reed's young, handsome buddies, including Marty (played by Jermain Alverez Martin). Pam is an on-screen example of what we go through in "Hollywood life”: She is single and all about her career, she loves to party and doesn't want to grow up! The film released in the USA on all TV On Demand and has just been released on Amazon Prime and Tubi TV.

What’s the funniest/weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you on a film?

Oh, I have had many! I truly feel that being an actor and producer in the independent film world involves a whole other level of funny and weird experiences! When you do not have big budgets to deal with, you have to get creative in other ways. So, one funny story that I would love to share was my experience of being one of the producers on a film titled Sinatra Club, that I was fortunate to get to act in, opposite Danny Nucci from Titanic, Jason Gedrick from Iron Eagle, Ellen Hollman from Spartacus, Michael Nouri from Flashdance, and the list goes on and on, with an incredible cast of talent we assembled. And, what was so cool was I found the script in 2004, we filmed in 2009, and it was distributed in 2011, so it was a very long and challenging development period for an indie project, but one of the wildest memories I have was the fact that the story is based on a true story about the night John Gotti became John Gotti, so for all of the mobster history and movie buffs who are reading this, I was so fortunate to be a part of history in the making with this film. This film is based on Sal ‘Ubatz’ Polisi who went into the witness protection program for releasing information on John Gotti and his crew, and when he came out of the witness protection he wrote the story of his life in the Mafia. It was so wild to work on a project for so many years where we would literally meet at 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock, 12 o’clock at night in privacy and secrecy at the Sportsmen’s Lodge in Studio City, California, in hotel suites and we would hold our production meetings there!

You actively support many varied causes, how did you get involved in activism?

I was born with a philanthropist's heart and have always been a supporter of giving back in whatever way we can. I was spearheading events in college to run around Philadelphia and feed the homeless with my sorority sisters. Now, I am so grateful to have whatever little “celebrity” status or recognition I have that can help make a difference. I feel blessed and responsible to give back through my artistic endeavors and through my work. I am a believer in activism and I typically work with numerous charities at a time. I am a celebrity ambassador for the Breaking the Chains Foundation that cultivates healing through art for those who have experienced eating disorders, self-esteem issues, and body image issues. I am active in charity work with the Los Angeles Mission on Skid Row and helping to feed the homeless. I have been active in several Breast Cancer charities and events, as I have lost people whom I loved to breast cancer over the years. I have also been active in quite a few charities and philanthropies to support AIDS research. I authored and have donated my book, titled Ms. Vampy’s Teen Tawk: There’s A Lotta Power In Ya Choices, to support teen girls. And, in giving back to the world, I find that it brings so much fulfillment and gratitude to my own heart.

What does your allyship mean to you?

My allyship means everything to me, both personally and professionally. My empathic heart has always been wired to help others. I do not perceive myself as a person with power or fame, but I am incredibly grateful that I have been afforded the opportunities throughout my career to give back, to take a stand, and to help those who have been marginalized in some way. I am a proud philanthropist and activist, and I feel it is my duty to serve. Throughout my life, I have often felt misunderstood or that I did not belong, and I have dealt with my own challenges and struggles, so I am known to “fight for the underdog” and support those in need.

You are a certified life coach, what’s the best advice you have ever received, and, in your opinion, the best advice you’ve ever given to somebody?

As an actress and life coach, I am a huge proponent of having a strong support system of professionals in my stable. I feel that all creatives and health professionals should have their own support system and professionals to turn to. At the end of the day, I have received such incredible advice from my professionals—my life coach of many years, Lori Bertazzon, and my actress empowerment coach, Michelle Colt. One of my favorite pieces of advice that Lori Bertazzon has given me occurred a few years back when she supported me in creating my own set of personal commandments at the beginning of the year. These are commandments that I consistently refer back to, that help to empower me and help to create breakthroughs when I am having breakdowns in my life or career. Michelle Colt has also given me unbelievable advice and support in her workshops to strengthen my soul as an actress, and I have to reference a recent funny one because I love it so, and she knows me so well: our mantra, “No more shenanigans!”. It is something that I hold near and dear to my heart daily.

Humbly, I think the best advice I have given over the years was born from my Ms. Vampy web series for teen girls, where I created a catchphrase that I cherish: “When faced with fear, dig deep inside, find your inner Vamp, and… Vamp It Out!”. To this day, my now-adult cast will send me messages that they used this catchphrase. I use it as an adult (you do not have to be a teenage girl to appreciate it) and when I am fearful or trying to have a breakthrough, I dig deep inside and I Vamp It Out! My other favorite catchphrase advice was so powerful for me, I actually named my life coaching business after it: “Be You… And, Be Fearless!”

Has your training as a life coach ever helped you to prepare for a role/project? How?

I really love this question, because one may think that different careers or skill sets cannot help the other, but I have found that my training as a board-certified life coach has helped me tremendously to prepare for a role or project in a few ways. First, I am now very mindful and aware of the “mind chatter” and I am more able to catch myself in it. When I enter a space of fear or anxiety, I am able to coach myself off the ledge. Even more compelling, is that when I went to school at the Life Purpose Institute to become a board-certified life coach, I learned early on that a very important component of life coaching is “listening without an agenda”. This has helped me exponentially as an actress, because when you are acting and you're truly in the moment, you need to be listening without an agenda, as well. A true response should come from your instincts and that is so wild to me because now I am able to catch myself when I am preparing for a project and I am anticipating what the character will say to me next, and I can catch myself listening with an agenda of what they will say, and I know that I'm not in the moment as an actress.

How can mental well-being and self-care help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship?

I cannot stress enough how strongly I believe that mental well-being and self-care can help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship and our own personal strength—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I actually speak about this in my book Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess: “When you give to yourself and allow yourself to replenish, you have so much more to give to others and will feel so much stronger inside.” I am still working on this, diligently, but when we learn to take care of ourselves and focus on our mental, spiritual, and emotional strength, we understand what it means to feel and give from our hearts. We become inspired to give back and to support people, causes, and have a passion, purpose, and mission, outside of ourselves.

What can you tell us about your latest projects The Second Age of Aquarius, Stripped, The Mourning, and Red Rooms?

At a time when the world is upside down and we do not really know where our next jobs will come from, I feel very blessed that I had acted in, and produced, a few projects that wrapped prior to COVID-19. My Psycho Therapy (Amazon Prime) film director, Staci Layne Wilson, wrote a film with Darren Gordon Smith (Repo! The Genetic Opera). Those two are so crazy talented. It is a fun indie gem. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but it’s The Second Age of Aquarius. It is a comedy, with a little bit of a Sci-Fi twist and a lot of music. It’s really sweet and clever. I’m an Executive Producer and I act in it. I play Tawny Stevens. She’s a young mom, stuck in the eighties, as an eighties, New Jersey, rocker mom. Wait until you see my hair, my make-up, and my leopard pants. I did the Jersey accent. I can’t wait for the film to come out! We also wrapped a TV pilot Stripped. It is a Comedy/Drama. It is a TV pilot that was written and directed by Marc Clebanoff, who also directed the film The Mourning, which stars Michael Walton, Louis Mandylor, Dominique Swain, and Larry Hankin. I was both an actress and a co-producer. The Mourning is a cool Sci-Fi/Love Story that just released on the new Tubi TV streaming channel. Stripped was a passion project. I was also one of the producers with Marc and Frank Krueger (also stars in it). I played Jules, the publicist to the star, Chris Cameron, played by Casper Van Dien. It was created by Mark Clebanoff and late actor, Kristoff St. John. They had created the concept before he passed on, which is such a sad situation, but Marc wanted to carry on his legacy, and he did, and we did. It is such an incredible cast, and series, we are all proud of. Lastly, at the start of COVID-19, my creative instinct kicked in and I knew I had to create to stay somewhat “sane”, so I spent most of the quarantine producing and filming a virtual streaming series. Red Rooms was conceived and completed out of “isolation inspiration”! Joshua Butler and I had been in development on a project and had been reminiscing about our favorite industry days of yesteryear when we met on the horror film circuit. I had already been a superfan of Joshua’s work for years. In 2019, we shot a proof of concept for our project, which paid homage to his hugely successful film VLOG (2008) from the producers of SAW, which went on to become a hit TV series. When COVID-19 hit Hollywood and we were all in isolation, I called for a production meeting, then suggested we use the footage we shot and attempt to experiment by filming each character virtually from their homes. Red Rooms stars horror film and TV veterans Brooke Lewis Bellas (iMurders), David Alpay (The Vampire Diaries), Suze Lanier-Bramlett (The Hills Have Eyes), Ricky Dean Logan (Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare), and Noah Blake (Teen Witch). We are currently working on post-production and cannot wait to see where we end up!

Thanks for taking the time, Brooke!

Photographer: Birdie Thompson | Hair and Makeup: Allison Noelle

#spotlight #entertainment spotlight #brooke lewis bellas

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the-irish-mayhem · 5 years ago

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One of the mods shows up 15 minutes late with Starbucks. This week has been insane, BUT never fear! The stuff WILL get posed. This is for Fosterson Week Day 5: Throwback Thorsday. We’re fudging the timeline a little bit--imagine that the Thor movie took place around the same time/a bit after the first Iron Man movie in 2008. More of a sketch, a collection of moments than a true fic. (but there is something resembling plot here)

Loki never sends the Destroyer to Midgard.

Read on AO3.

destiny, disrupted

Here is a truth: Loki loves Thor.

Here is another truth: Loki also hates Thor.

Here is the most relevant truth: Loki loves his mother and respects her counsel above all others.

At the end of the day, this is what matters most. Odin sleeps on, Frigga advises her son how to rule, and Loki (mostly) listens.

Thor remains on Midgard. Mjolnir lays dormant in the desert, the magic patient and steadfast. The Destroyer remains in the Vault where it belongs, and the Warriors Three grudgingly accept Thor’s banishment; after all, Loki seems to be (mostly) listening to Frigga, and they are loyal to the throne. Heimdall watches carefully.

The realms continue to turn, Yggdrasil’s branches trembling in the galactic ballet.

Something is drawing near--but not yet.

Years later, he marries Jane in the desert where they met. The marks of the Bifrost have long since blown away by the sharp winds, but it still feels as close to his first home as he can get. It’s a small wedding, made up of the few friends they have plus Jane’s mom and officiated by a local Native American minister.

She throws her arms around his neck when they are proclaimed man and wife, she kisses him like he is her anchor, and he wonders how he ever thought he’d been in love before. He dips her dramatically, and she giggles against his lips. Their small audience applauds, Darcy wolf whistles, and Thor would never have thought he could ever be satisfied, could be happy, with something so small and humble, but it’s perfect, it’s wonderful, and he gets to call Jane Foster his wife.

He takes her last name--she never asked him to, but it seems apt, to Thor, to do it. He is no longer Thor Odinson. The name no longer fits him. His father is gone; his last action had been to cast his son out. It seemed almost appropriate, honorable even, to respect that last ruling by giving up his name. On Midgard, he is someone new. He isn’t the crown prince, he is simply a man. (A man who loves a woman more than life itself.) A new identity, a new life, a new beginning.

And so they begin life as Mr. and Dr. Thor and Jane Foster.

(Distantly, Thor hopes Heimdall has told his mother that her son has happily wed.)

(Distantly, Thor hopes his father would’ve been proud of the small life he is building.)

(And a small life--)

(It doesn’t seem so bad now.)

THEN

SHIELD had left several months after Thor’s arrival. Packed up the facility after it became clear nothing was going to move Mjolnir, and no new data would be gathered from it. Coulson left them a business card, which Thor talked Jane out of throwing away outright. (He knows that having SHIELD on their side might prove useful in the future, even if Jane continues to grumble about jack-booted stormtroopers stealing her life’s work.)

After almost a year, the agent following them finally left too.

Jane rebuilt, Thor helping where he was able, happy to simply be around her. Her energy was unlike anyone he’s ever known, vibrant and frenetic and with an unbridled intelligence that he thought his brother would’ve liked.

Their first kiss was on the roof, late at night with a fire in front of them, Thor pointing out where his planet would be.

“The light from my sun hasn’t reached us yet,” he had said.

“It might in about two thousand more years, if my estimates were right about distance,” Jane had replied.

She’d been looking up, using her hand like a galactic wayfinder of old to measure the stars. The fire glowed orange on her skin, illuminating her eyes like coals. She’s a supernova of her own making, and he’d always known there was something special about her, but in that moment, he’d been struck not just by her beauty in the gentle slope of her nose and cheekbones, but the effortless way she’d folded him into her life, the way she accepted his story--she’d run an estimate on distance because he’d asked her to in a fierce bout of homesickness. (And even if the answer wasn’t great, it was an answer, and then she’d reached out and held his hand and asked him to tell her about Asgard.)

When he kissed her on the rooftop, she didn’t seem surprised--she just leaned into him and let the embers between them spark into flames.

NOW

“It’s a letter from SHIELD.”

“Oh?”

“They want you to advise on a quote ‘top secret project of high scientific importance’ unquote.”

Jane snorts. “They can eat my shorts. It set my research back months to rebuild all my equipment they stole.”

“Maybe you should read the letter,” Thor offers.

Jane waves him off, returning to the small piece of equipment she’s slowly soldering together. “Don’t need to.”

“Shouldn’t you be wearing a mask?” he asks, concerned. “Those fumes can’t be good for the baby.”

She sits up a bit. “It’s only a bit of copper. But I’ll wear one if it makes you feel better.”

“It will.”

Jane gives him a small smirk and a wink as she stands from her station. She’s not showing much yet--she’s just barely out of the first trimester, but Thor can’t help but glance at her belly, at their little miracle.

He looks back to the letter. When Jane returns, mask in place, he says, “How much did you say the university was paying you for your research position?”

Her snort is even more incredulous than before. “Not enough.”

Thor glances down at the letter in his hand, and counts out the zeros after SHIELD’s base salary for the offered ‘long term advisory and research position.’

“I do think you should read this.”

She sighs, and holds out her free hand without looking up.

He can tell exactly when she reaches the “we hope this to be fair and adequate compensation for the services you will provide” portion of the letter based on her eyebrows jumping straight up and the soft “Holy shit,” falling out of her mouth.

“We did need to get out of the one bedroom before the little one makes an appearance,” Thor offers.

“Shit,” Jane says again. “We could forget that shitty two bedroom place we were looking at in Santa Fe.” It’s a soft comment, more of an idle observation than a commitment.

“So you’ll call them?”

“I’ll think about it.”

(She calls them that night, and is on a plane for an interview within 36 hours.)

THEN

In the early days of their courtship, he’d tried every job available to him. He’d worked construction, waited tables at Izzy’s, bartended, answered phones at the sheriff’s office, and sold secondhand furniture. In truth, he did not particularly hate any of these jobs--they just hardly seemed worthwhile to do for the rest of his life.

He’d been used to being significant in a way that being a human man couldn’t quite match. Going from galactically known prince and military leader of a planetary superpower to a small town bartender was a jarring transition, to say the least.

The only place he’d found where that feeling of insignificance faded was at Jane’s side. He’d never had an eye for the technicalities of magic, but he remembered enough from his schooling to be able to help her interpret some of what she was looking at; she was certainly clever enough to fill any gaps in his own knowledge.

“I could use another intern,” Jane had mused one day. Darcy had gone back to Culver after her semester with Jane had finished with six college credits under her belt and a promise to stay in touch.

(“How do you feel about student-teacher relationships?” he’d asked cheekily later on.)

(She’d slapped his shoulder, but given her lips on his not a moment later, he supposed that was his answer.)

NOW

Their new home is lovely. Jane had been added to SHIELD’s payroll two months ago, and they’d collected enough savings to put down a sizable down payment on a nice three bedroom house about a twenty minute drive from SHIELD’s base.

She still hasn’t managed to talk SHIELD into letting her bring him with her.

“They’re fishing for information about you, I know they are. They keep saying shit like ‘oh, your research assistant hasn’t cleared our background checks, but if you help us fill in the gaps, we can do something for you.’ Pffft. Like I’m going to fall for that.”

“And I’m only the research assistant?” he asks from his place by the stove, tossing his chopped bell peppers into the frying pan with the onions.

Jane rolls her eyes and plops down at the kitchen table. “Right? It’s not like they don’t know we’re married.”

“They literally helped me get my driver’s license that lists my name.”

She gives him a helpless shrug. “They have a lot of questions about where you come from.”

“Perhaps we tell them everything. Phil Coulson isn’t so bad, despite what you think.”

Jane growls. “Why you insist on being friends with him I’ll never understand.”

Thor shrugs and bends to check his roast in the oven. “He is a nice fellow.”

“A nice fellow who stole all my research.”

Their doorbell rings. Thor moves to answer it, but Jane flaps a hand at him. “No, no, I’ve got it. You’ve got dinner going.” She slides up behind him and hugs him around the waist, kissing his shoulder blade before stepping away. “Love you. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he answers as she leaves the kitchen. He takes two plates from the cupboard and wonders who could be at their door. He has invited Coulson for dinner in the past (hoping that his wife would bury the hatchet once she got to know him), but he hardly seems like the type to show up if he hasn’t informed the hosts of his arrival.

He’s in the midst of carrying the plates to the table when Fandral, Sif, Hogun and Volstagg walk into his kitchen.

The plates slip right out of his fingers and smash against the tile floor.

(Once the fragments are cleaned up, his friends tell him what has transpired on Asgard in his years of absence. Loki lied, his father was never dead, and a few months ago emerged from the Odinsleep. Loki disappeared soon after, and they’ve heard disturbing rumblings about Loki partnering with the Mad Titan.)

(“We have reliable sources saying he’s hunting for something called the Tesseract,” Sif says.)

(“This Tesseract,” Jane says, “wouldn’t happen to be like… a small-ish, blue, glowing cube would it?”)

(“Yes, that exactly,” Sif says, surprised.)

(Jane winces. “I think I know where you can find it.”)

THEN

Jane liked to cuddle. Especially when she was sated and sleepy, her limbs would tangle around him like an affectionate octopus. It was one of those nights when she asked him, “Would you go back?”

“Hm?” he asked, mind addled by sex and the late hour.

“If you got the chance to go back to Asgard, be who you used to be. Would you take it?”

“I doubt I’ll ever get that chance.”

“Humor me,” she said, insistent in a way that tells him this is far more important to her than she’s willing to explicitly vocalize.

He stared at the ceiling in silence for a long moment, considering his answer, because she deserves a fully honest one.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I don’t think I could ever be who I used to be. I haven’t used magic in so many years, I feel like I can’t properly imagine it anymore.” He shifted to look at her. Her head was on his chest, and she steadily met his gaze, brown eyes wide and accepting. “The only way I can imagine going back is if I go back with you,” he said.

(Not long after that, they said I love you for the first time.)

(A half a year after that, Thor asked her to become his wife.)

(Inscribed on the inside of their wedding bands is the phrase Home is wherever you are.)

BREAK

When Jane shows up to the SHIELD base with her husband plus four honest-to-goodness Viking warriors at her back and requests to speak with Agent Coulson the agent on gate duty scrambles to fulfill her request.

While Jane handles the particulars of getting several guests in past security, his friends encircle him, staring at him like he’s a headless banshee. “What?” he asks.

“You’re married,” Hogan states, as though it’s obvious.

“I am.”

“And you’re expecting a child,” Sif says.

“Is there a point to stating the obvious?”

They all look at each other, and then back at him as though he is missing the obvious.

“The only one who was less likely to settle down was me,” Fandral says, an emphatic hand placed over his chest.

Thor shrugs. “I’ve changed.” He looks past them, to where Jane is emphatically gesturing at the agent who is clearly not moving fast enough in getting her what she wants and smiles. “She is everything I never knew I needed in a package I never expected.”

“I think it’s a good change,” Volstagg says proudly. “Becoming a father does tend to mature someone quite rapidly.” He steps forward to give Thor a hearty slap on the shoulder. Forgetting that his friend is no longer Aesir, the gesture nearly dislocates the joint and Thor struggles to stay on his feet.

“This new Thor, I like him!” Volstagg crows.

(The other three don’t look entirely convinced yet, but seem more or less willing to accept him as he is now.)

(Thor loves his friends--he knows them as well as anyone, and thinks that they will come to understand his new life.)

(He knows they want to ask if he will come home.)

(He knows what he will answer.)

THEN

“You don’t have any strong feeling about flower arrangements for the wedding, do you?” Thor asked.

Jane looked up from the book she was reading with a quizzical look on her face. “Uh, no? We’re getting married out in the middle of the desert.” She pauses. “Why? Do you?”

Thor had been idly browsing online and-- “This flower,” he had turned the screen to Jane and she leaned forward. “What is it called?”

“I think it’s a calla lily?” She squinted a little. “Definitely calla lily. They’re a pretty popular wedding flower.”

Thor hummed softly in contemplation. “Do you like them?” he asked.

“They’re pretty and they smell nice, so I guess.”

Thor went quiet for a moment, his eyes unseeing, and Jane bookmarked her book and set it aside. She scooted into his side on the couch and seemed to wake him from whatever spell he’d been under.

“Where did you go?” she asked.

“Just remembering,” he answered. “My mother liked to raise flowers. The palace gardens were almost entirely her handiwork. She was a talented sorceress, so she could’ve easily used her magic to make her garden as beautiful as it was, but she never did. She told me that sometimes the easiest thing isn’t the right thing.” He chuckled a bit at that. “She had lots of gardening life wisdom for us.

“Anyway, her favorite flower was the Queth Blossom. They look almost just like these,” he said.

“Then let’s get them for the wedding--I changed my mind, I have a very strong opinion about flower arrangements and I think they should be calla lilies.” Jane had said; he still remembers the way his heart leapt, and then melted, at her simple declaration. The way she simply said of course to something to remember his mother by. The way she could make him happy by just existing, by just being who she is.

(Jane would eventually tell everyone at the wedding who would listen that the flower arrangements were done in memory of his mother.)

(He loves her.)

NOW

The Tesseract is underwhelming at first, a shiny bauble like millions of others across the universe. Then it opens a portal and Loki emerges from the other side.

Underwhelmed is suddenly the least of Thor’s emotions.

Before Loki can stand and take in the room, Thor shoves Jane under a desk, praying to any deity that will listen that he doesn’t notice her. He can’t bring himself to hide with her. He has to speak to his brother, he has to know what--

“Loki!” Sif shouts.

Loki looks surprised, his attention pulled towards where the Warriors stand in formation with the SHIELD agents who approached the portal.

“Sir, please put down the spear,” calls out Fury.

A blast from the weapon takes down three agents before Thor can say anything.

“Loki! Stop!” Thor shouts, running from his meager cover behind the desk.

Loki knocks back the last of his opponents, downing even Sif and the Warriors with a power that is absolutely beyond anything he knew Loki possessed.

Loki’s eyes find Thor, and Thor barely recognizes the unhinged look in his eye.

“What happened to you?” Thor asks, a soft and genuine query because his brother looks unwell; gaunt, tired, and plain rabid.

Loki doesn’t answer immediately, just stalks forward like a predator.

“I started to see clearly for the first time in my life.”

There are other words, calmly spoken about a world made free from freedom, then Loki drops the visage Thor knows, his skin goes blue and his eyes go red and oh.

(Oh, Loki.)

Thor refuses to falter under the weight of this new truth that he can feel in his bones. He is not mine in blood, but he is my brother. “We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?” Thor asks.

“I remember a shadow,” Loki says softly, stepping closer, skin still blue. “Living in the shade of your greatness.” He laughs. “And who could blame anyone for treating the Frost Giant like an invader who does not belong in his own home?

“And now you are but a man.” He snorts. “A pathetic, human man who can be killed just as easily as everyone else in this room.”

“Spare them,” Thor says. “If you want to take my life as recompense, then--”

(Just his small life. Just his small life with his wife, who he loves, and his unborn child, who he would do anything for. Just his one small life as Thor Foster seems--it seems too big to give up. His heart screams at the unfairness of it all.)

(It is too much to give, it is too much to lose.)

(But if he doesn’t offer to lose it, then everyone will die. He knows that.)

(There’s no such thing as just a small life, Thor knows in that moment. No life in this room is any smaller or bigger than his.)

(He feels like he wants to cry, but he will do it.)

Loki says, “Oh, but I could do that anyway. Besides,” a poisonous grin seeps over his face as he glances over Thor’s shoulder. “It looks like your wife is trying to make trouble for me.”

The floor drops out from under Thor as he looks back to see Jane typing furiously on the control unit that directly affects the Tesseract’s behavior. It’s sparking, just like it did when it opened to bring Loki here, and his brilliant wife is this close to being able to send him away--

Loki sends Thor into a wall with a flick of his fingers. Dazed, possibly concussed, but otherwise unhurt, Thor tries to stand, feels a scream inching out of his throat as he watches Loki magically drag Jane from behind the station.

Thor has never understood what made him worthy of Mjolnir in the first place.

He’d first picked it up in his youth, when he’d been emotional and his magic had been out of control-- Mjolnir had been a focusing point, something to channel himself through, something that felt like an extension of his connection to a storm. He’d been so busy trying to be the best warrior Asgard had ever seen, he’d never stopped to really think about what being worthy meant.

He learns what worthiness means in the space of a heartbeat.

He learns what it means the instant Loki turns his sight on Jane.

He reaches out, instinct, need, his magic reawakening, he does not know.

Mjolnir answers.

The hammer rips through the domed ceiling above them, and flies straight to his hand. The storm fills him once more and it’s only now that he has it back that he can feel the ache of its absence.

Loki, for the first time since he stepped into the room, looks scared.

Jane just grins.

(Later, when she gets the chance to examine the armor up close, she asks, “Is this how you normally looked?”)

(He answers, “More or less.”)

(She smiles like a woman who is absolutely going to ask him to wear his armor in bed later.)

(“It’s a good look.)

#fostersonweek #fostersonweek2019 #fosterson #jane foster #thor #fosterson fic #my fic #ooops?#did i mention i have two other small fics coming?#i've actually genuinely written so much!#is it all great? fuck no!!! but it's at least decent!!!

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abdifarah · 5 years ago

Text

Snake Charmer

I grabbed my sneakers and ball from the backseat of my car. As I stepped onto the basketball court, the palm of a stranger’s hand suddenly hit my chest before my foot crossed the threshold of the out-of-bounds line, as if to protect me from stepping into molten lava. It was in fact hallowed ground he was preparing me to enter. “I don’t want to mess up your day, but Kobe Bryant died.” The words did not register. He must have meant to say Bill Russell or Magic Johnson or some other retired player, up in years or immunocompromised. My heart sank as the words did. Seemingly coordinated with the stranger’s preparatory address, my phone began to shriek. I shared basketball, above most else, with my closest friends, and for those of my friends “not into sports,” they knew I was and that I was probably the one person in their lives that could explain why their instagram and twitter timelines had been commandeered by the news of Bryant’s death. I sat on the court and texted friends I hadn’t spoken with in years. I mentally ran through all of the Lakers fans in my life, like someone tallying loved ones near the epicenter of an earthquake or tsunami.

The surprises continued. My uncle Kenny called me. Kenny, like most of the men in my life, does not make calls. When I see Kenny during the holidays we do not hug or catch up with small talk. Me and Kenny speak solely in sports. “How are the Cowboys doing?” translates to how are you doing? On this occasion Kenny did not resort to code. “Are you okay?” Kenny asked with a tone of genuine concern in his voice. Strangely, I was not. Stepping out of my body momentarily, I watched myself frantically text friends and scour the internet for updates with large tears welling up in my eyes. Importantly, next to me, five or so other guys on the basketball court were doing the exact same thing. I was dumbfounded, and even a little amused that it was Kobe Bryant, of all people, that elicited this reaction from me. As a basketball fan I loved Kobe Bryant as a player, but I didn’t love him. I loved Kobe the way the world loves the Dalai Lama. Kobe was that inhuman child/god/king we watched grow up, do great exploits, and whose often trite proverbs of ostensible wisdom we warily entertained. His sudden and violent death brought into swift focus that, while famous for almost my entire life, I took Kobe for granted.

Kobe Bryant was the first of us to realize: the camera is always on. In the days and weeks following Kobe’s death I found myself pulling up old games on youtube and having them on in the background while I worked. I was surprised how many of the beats–a certain sequence of plays, a specific call by an announcer–I remembered, like I was watching reruns or listening to a throwback radio station. As much as The Fresh Prince or Martin or Seinfeld, Kobe Bryant was TV. Mostly to my frustration, as someone who ineffectually rooted against the Lakers, Kobe Bryant was always on my screen. Undoubtedly, a cloud hangs over everything related to Bryant now in light of his death, but rewatching games from the 2000 finals, in which Bryant’s Lakers bested the Reggie Miller/Jalen Rose led Pacers, I was reminded of how much uneasiness and sadness I felt for Kobe Bryant watching him even as a teenage admirer. After every exceptional defensive play, flashy pass, or difficult made shot, Bryant made sure the camera saw the fiery glint in his eyes, the licking of his lips, the exaggerated clinching of his jaw.

Even more so than the NBA’s previous generation of celebrities–Bird, Magic, Jordan–Kobe Bryant seemed to be the first superstar to internalize that basketball was a performance: a movie backed by a John Tesh score, or more specifically, a loosely scripted 24-7 reality show complete with story arcs, heroes, villains, close-ups, and backstabbing confessions. Bryant perpetually signalled: to the camera, to the fans, to his haters, to his teammates, that he possessed the most passion, that he outworked everyone, and that he would stop at nothing to be the best. By all accounts this was all true. But we knew it less because it was true and more because Kobe wanted us to know. Even as a youngster I found his thirst obnoxious.

Kobe was desperate, but he was also just ahead of the curve. Kobe Bryant proudly admitted to not having a social life, and almost a decade before Russell Westbrook said it, Bryant proclaimed that “Spalding was his only friend;” a both sad and sobering admission for any would-be competitors tasked with defeating Bryant on the court. Bryant’s performative work, that now permeates and characterizes most of millennial culture, predated social media. The author Touré in his book, I Would Die 4U, contends that despite being a baby boomer, Prince was the quintessential GenX celebrity, whose music perfectly tapped into that younger generation’s disaffected, countercultural ethos. Born in 1978, Bryant technically resides in GenX. The intense outpouring from all corners of the digital world over Bryant’s death stems from the fact that he was truly the first millennial celebrity.

For Bryant, fame came before success. As the photogenic rookie for the Lakers, Bryant had cameos on sitcoms, graced the cover of every teen magazine, took Brandy to the prom, put out a rap album, and pitched every soda and sneaker Madison Avenue could throw at him. But like an inflated college application, Bryant’s extracurriculars read as contrivances. Bryant was named a starter in the 1998 All-Star game, an honor voted on by the fans, meanwhile he wasn’t even a starter on his own team. To suspicious observers, Bryant was an industry plant; the antidote to the fearful influx of hyper-black, hip hop culture embodied in players like Allen Iverson or Latrell Spreewell; a basketball and marketing robot with a pearly white smile, that spoke multiple languages, and would pick up where Michael Jordan left off; ushering the NBA to unprecedented commercial heights.

Despite his superficial charm, Kobe Bryant’s lack of genuine personality proved off-putting, almost creepy. Although possessing a similarly shimmering smile, everyone knew that the real Michael Jordan chomped on cigars, pounded tequila, gambled through the night, and did not actually hang out with Bugs Bunny while wearing Hanes tighty-whities. We acknowledged humanity, healthiness even, in this contradiction. For Bryant’s generation of sports superstars, the public and private arrived flattened. A sports prodigy, a la Tiger Woods, Bryant’s lone-gun, misanthropic persona emerged as a defense against the alienation he felt from his teammates and colleagues around the league, those that did not share his cloistered upbringing. Bryant’s longtime teammate and consummate foil, Shaquille O’Neal, had the nickname, Superman. Despite his titanic presence and supernatural physical gifts, O’Neal epitomized the terrestrial; always joking, dancing; embedded in pop culture; a true man of the people. The true Kryptonian was always Bryant.

As an ignorant seventeen year-old, my initial reaction in 2004 to the accusations of rape against Bryant was amused shock. “Kobe Bryant has sex?!” In 2004, I, like many, put Kobe on the shelf. Less out of a desire to proactively make any bold gestures on behalf of women, but more out of petty schadenfreude. As stated before, I respected the talent, but I was not really a Kobe fan. I always rooted for the underdog, and Bryant was anything but. To the contrary, everything about Bryant was an assault on the concept of the underdog, the diamond in the rough, the idea that anyone, despite their humble or downright degraded beginnings, could rise to excellence. Bryant was born and bread to be great. Sadly, I took grim pleasure in seeing the NBA’s posterboy–the prototype of black celebrity respectability–revealed as the actual embodiment of the entitled, toxically masculine, and sexually predatory stereotype of the black athlete.

Bryant lost endorsements. Nike released the Huarache 2K4, an all-time great basketball shoe originally designed to be Bryant’s first signature release with the brand, as simply a stand-alone product. The Lakers shopped Bryant around for possible trades. Like Sampson sheared and stripped of his powers, Bryant’s hairline appeared to recede, he cut off his signature fro, and he began shaving his head closer and closer. Bryant changed his number from 8 to 24 as one now changes their Instagram or Twitter handle to represent a break from the past. Like a biblical character after a traumatic or transformative event, like Abram becoming Abraham, or Saul becoming Paul, Bryant adopted the moniker of the Black Mamba. He resigned to allow the sorting hat to place him in his rightful house of Slytherin, and embraced the duplicitous snake that many already viewed him to be. Somewhat strangely, the Black Mamba was the assassin code name of the main character in Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill, who in the film is left for dead, and out for revenge. Did Bryant see himself as this woman wronged, or as the titular character, Bill, contently awaiting his deserved day of judgement. Knowing Bryant, he probably saw himself as both.

In the myth of Hercules (not the Disney version) the famous god-man kills his wife and kids in a fit of hysteria inflicted by a vengeful Hera. If we imagine that the mythical figures of today were really just the celebrities and aristocrats of past millennia who had control over the pen of history and whose carnal tales swelled into sacred gospel; the fits of rage and mania brought on by the devil or hades or a poison arrow, were really the Chappaquiddicks, Vegas hotel rooms, and dog fighting compounds of their time; times when our heroes unequivocally and inexcusably committed evil. If Hercules was in fact a real man of some importance to his time–the son of a dignitary–that unfathomably killed his wife and kids, it follows that instead of being sentenced to death or some other fate reserved for the criminal commoner, that he would be given some lesser sentence and a chance–albeit slim–of redemption. Hercules is banished by the gods to serve an insignificant king and accomplish the arduous good works assigned to him as a means of atonement; the great works–slaying the nine-headed hydra, retrieving cerberus –that ultimately generate his immortal legend.

Bryant’s post rape case/post Shaquille O’Neal years with the Lakers mirror this herculean restitution. Despite years on center stage, the Lakers, like Bryant, were similarly in their nadir, and would spend the middle of the aughts in basketball purgatory. Bryant was no longer primetime television. What happens to a pop-star when no one is watching? Surprisingly, Kobe Bryant kept performing, and at higher heights. Bryant was doing his best work while no one was watching. I remember walking through the door of my college dorm on a non-descript spring day. My roommate, Bryun, yelled at me with no context, “8 1 P O I N T S !” Kobe Bryant’s 81 point game may lay claim as the first social media sports moment. Less because no other great sports moments had occurred between 2004, when facebook emerged, and his scoring explosion in 2006, but because very few people watched that midseason contest between two mediocre teams live. It arrived to everyone, like myself, after the fact.

During a recent lecture, artist Dave McKenzie, when answering a very banal question during a post lecture q&a, about his long term goals as an artist, answered soberingly, “I’m just trying to get through this life and do the least amount of harm.” While we all hope to navigate this life without hurting others, most, if not all of us, will in some way. While we can and must continue to interrogate why powerful (or at least useful to the actual powerful) men like Kobe Bryant seemingly evade the full reckoning of their actions, we must acknowledge that Bryant became something of a patron saint to those who for whatever reason found themselves on the wrong side of right. Maybe they were the underprivileged black and brown boys and girls in over-policed neighborhoods of LA where Bryant played for 20 years. Perhaps they were not pure victims but made some questionable choices and found themselves caught in the system. Or maybe it was the newly divorced father attempting to win back the respect of his kids after breaking apart his family due to his own indiscretions. Kobe Bryant in this second half of his career, culminating in back to back championships, provided a picture of how one climbs back from the depths of hell, even if they were the one that put themself there. This explains the irrationality of Kobe fans, who defended him in everything, and straight-faced spoke his name in the same breath as Michael Jordan, despite honestly being in a class below. For them, Kobe was bigger than basketball, and while many fans share a vicarious relationship with their sports heroes or teams, Bryant’s winning was more profoundly linked to his fans’ sense of self-worth.

Precocity embodied, Bryant arrived in the NBA a generation too soon. As the son of a former player, singularly focused on professionalizing at a young age, even foregoing college at a time when that was still a rarity, Bryant was an alien compared to most players of his generation. The trajectory of players today more resembles Bryant’s. Gone are the days of Dennis Rodman or Scottie Pippen or Steve Nash picking up basketball late, or being undiscovered and surreptitiously landing on a small college team, eventually catching the eye of the larger basketball world. Now, professional basketball starts disturbingly early. Prospects like Zion Williamson have millions of Instagram followers in high school. Second generation pros are commonplace – Steph, Klay, Kyrie, Devin Booker, Andrew Wiggins, Domantas Sabonis, Austin Rivers, Tim Hardaway Jr., Glenn Robinson III, and so on. Bryant was the cautionary tale, a sage mentor, and ultimately an icon to the generation of players succeeding Bryant, who like him, entered the spotlight and scrutiny of an increasingly voracious sports machine as children. Thanks in part to witnessing the triumphs and travails of Bryant, today’s young superstars arrive to the league encoded with the understanding that the fans, the media, the sports industry writ large, wait with baited breath for them to fuck up off the court as much as they do a spectacular play in the game. To these various stakeholders, it’s all good entertainment.

[A bit of a tangent] As the coronavirus began to ravage New Orleans, in particular the homeless and already vulnerable of the city, I had a group of friends, more acquaintances, who took it upon themselves to collect donations, buy groceries, prepare and ultimately hand out meals to the large number of homeless people mostly living under the I-10 overpass downtown. As a naturally cynical person, I immediately questioned the motivations. All of those same homeless people were living under the overpass before coronavirus, where was this energy then? One friend involved with this effort confided that she was incredibly anxiety stricken in all of this, and that this “project” was taking her mind off things. I chafed at the phrasing of feeding the homeless as a “project.” Additionally, daily I would scroll through the Instagram feeds of those helping and see pics of cute hipsters in masks and gloves and in grungy, rugged, but still impossibly chic outfits posing in Power Ranger formations in front of their rusted Ford Ranger filled with grocery bags to distribute. A masterclass in virtue signalling, the narcissism of it all polluted the entire endeavor for me. When I asked a trusted voice why this all rubbed me the wrong way, this person replied curtly, “What does it matter why or how they do it? They’re doing a good thing.”

Kobe did not simply embrace this role of elder-statesman to the succeeding generation, he courted it, campaigned for this mantle as aggressively as he once sought championships. Lacking confidence in the intellect of the public to make their own conjectures of how Bryant resurrected his career, he rebranded himself a self-improvement life-couch, and proselytized his “Mamba Mentality,” even staging a parody Tony Robbins style conference as a Nike commercial. He collected young promising players to mentor like Leonardo DiCaprio collects young blonde models to date. Gossipy whispers swirled every offseason, “Kobes working with Kawhi.” or “Watch out for Jason Tatum this year; he spent the summer training with Kobe.” All of Kobe’s newfound openhandedness seemed spiked with self-aggrandizement. Opting to be the mentor of the next generation ensured that the success of future stars led back to him, and that he would be relevant and sought after long after his retirement.

Whatever the subconscious or even conscious motivations behind Bryant’s mentorship, his movie Dear Basketball, or his show Detail–in which he broke down the games of basketball players across levels and leagues, treating women’s college basketball standout Sabrina Ionescu with the same care and reverence as NBA star James Harden–the result was education, service, stewardship, and love for the game of basketball.

I started writing this soon after Bryant’s death but struggled to synthesize an ultimate point. In the end I am not sure I have one, just that Kobe Bryant, much to my surprise was a figure of enough complexity and enduring relevance to require re-interrogation. In hindsight, I needed to watch The Last Dance; the 10 part Michael Jordan re-coronation. In 2009 newly elected President Barack Obama, after stumbling over the oath of office during the freezing January inauguration, retook the oath the next day in a private ceremony just in case any of his political enemies, or the fomenting alt right with its myriad factions–from the conspiratorial to the downright racist–tried to invalidate his presidency. While trivial in comparison, Jordan, with The Last Dance is attempting desperately to reconfirm that he is the greatest basketball player of all-time, something only a few lunatics question. While the actual game footage is a wonder and leaves no doubt of Jordan’s basketball supremacy, the final tally of this hagiographic enterprise may result in a net loss for Jordan. Jordan, like a 19th century robber baron, seems to genuinely believe that his misanthropy, arrogance, condescension, usury, brutality, workaholism, and myopic focus on basketball, and consummate self-centeredness were all justified, required even, to win. To win what? Championships? With sports leagues and public officials debating when and if sports can and should come back amidst a virus with devastating life or death stakes, sports and success within them feel quite trivial and quaint at the moment.

Having won at everything in life, sitting in his palatial mansion, sipping impossibly overpriced scotch, Jordan does not seem fulfilled. He is Ebenezer Scrooge. Unfortunately, it is not Christmas, and no ghosts of introspection are visiting Jordan, only a camera crew determined to retell the gospel of Jordan with a few non-canonical details sprinkled in for flavor. I am reminded of a line in Pat Conroy’s My Losing Season, an autobiographical account of his college basketball days at The Citadel. After a storied career, Conroy’s senior season is a disaster (hence the title). In it he says no one ever learned anything by winning. The inference is that, while winning is great, the actual growth occurs before, in the losing. Jordan in The Last Dance is the ghastly personification of “never losing. Like Bane before breaking Batman’s back, “Victory has defeated you.” With an unimpeachable resumé, Jordan was never required to question his actions or behaviors towards his teammates and competitors. Worshiped unwaveringly by all, Jordan never felt the need to give anything back to the game or to the communities that supported him.

While never verbally conceding, Bryant seemed to embrace being the loser. Bryant realized early, perhaps as early as Colorado, that he was never going to be as beloved as Jordan. He began planning early for a life outside of basketball. He started a production company. He braved eye-rolls for the n-teenth time when he proclaimed that he was going to be a “storyteller.” Beyond a cliché adage, Bryant became a “family man,” and focused on this part of his life with the same ferocity that he once attacked the basket. Despite braving turmoil very publicly as a young couple, the bond between Bryant and his wife Vanesa appeared, at least on the outside, genuine. They welcomed their newest daughter, Capri, just 7 months before his death. While no less ambitious or busy in retirement, the Bryant who once wore his insecurity and desperation on his sweaty armband, strangely appeared content, happy. The guy who once proudly proclaimed “Spalding his only friend” relented to a verdant life with others.

While undoubtedly compounded by the tragic and sudden nature of his death, the truly astounding outpouring for Kobe–murals the world over, calf-length tattoos, millions of twitter handle re-namings–stands as an accomplishment, or better said, an acknowledgement that “better” athletes like Jordan or LeBron or Tiger or Brady will probably never receive. He wasn’t the best of us, and in many ways we loved him even more because of that. Before The Last Dance we got a preview of the more candid Michael Jordan during Kobe Bryant’s memorial, where Michael, who unbeknownst to us all was a confidant of Bryant’s, admitted that Kobe made him want to be a better father, a better person. In the end even the GOAT was a disciple of the Mamba. It’s only right that the first millennial superstar gained the biggest following.

#Kobe #Mamba #thelastdance #lastdance #michael jordan #goat

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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587

Which is harder - walking in the snow or sand? I haven’t walked in snow, so I can’t give you a credible answer to this. Walking on sand can definitely be a struggle though. Do you like sour candy? Some types of sour tape is fine, but I mostly hate anything sour and that includes candy. If anyone, who did you sit with at lunch today? I had lunch with my mom, sister, and brother. We ate at our favorite childhood Chinese restaurant, so it was quite the throwback :) What is the last letter of your favorite song? I don’t have an all-time favorite song, but a good runner-up I can think of ends in the letter D. Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what and how? I have an unattractive wound/discoloration at the bottom of my left middle finger from scratching it. I don’t know where it came from and how it got to be so itchy, but yeah it’s a little red-purplish right now.

Are you a clumsy person? I used to be very clumsy, in fact I was known as the neighborhood’s lampa (a Filipino word to refer to someone who trips all the time) when we kids used to play outside. Nowadays I’m a little more coordinated, thankfully. How about disorganized? I’m messy-organized. I tend to keep things a mess but I know where everything is, so I don’t know where I fall under, haha. Have you ever thought about being a pirate? No, not really. Pirates in kid’s movies are usually portrayed as the bad guys or generally mischievous or intimidating, so they weren’t really something I aspired to be.

If you text, who were the last three people you texted? Gabie, my mom, and Angela. Does today's date mean anything to you? Not really. I do remember how November 20-24 used to be the usual dates for my grade/high school’s fair in the past (before they moved it to the first weekend of January), so that’s the most significant thing I remember about this date. How are you currently feeling? I’m feeling...whatever. I’m a little hungry, irritated at myself still for missing a deadline (see previous survey), and there’s the usual sadness I get on Sundays. Last male you talked to in person? The barista who took my order at Starbucks earlier. Have you ever had a sunburn? I used to get them often as a kid. I don’t know what happened but I never get them anymore. Do you use Firefox or Internet Explorer? I use neither. Internet Explorer did use to be my default browser back in like, 2008. I never used Firefox. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? If you asked me this question three years ago, I would have said yes haha. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Regular. I’ve never tried the pink kind. Chocolate or strawberry milk? Chocolate! Does it annoy you when people answer surveys with "idk"? I mean no, survey answers aren’t supposed to be annoying, but I do read people’s surveys a lot and one-word answers really leave me hanging :(((((( As someone who genuinely loves reading everyone’s entries, it can be a real cliffhanger. What is the current time? It is 9:32 PM. Should you be doing something other than this? Yes but do not remind me, it’s the weekend and I want to relax on my weekend. When is the last time you did laundry? I don’t take charge of the laundry at home. What volume is the ringer on your phone? It’s in the middle now that I checked. Have you ever won a contest on the radio? Not on the radio, but from a TV channel. Their social media handle held an essay contest about wrestling, and I was one of the winners of WWE t-shirts :D What shirt did you wear to bed last night? The same one I went out with, a green sleeve top with a floral design. I was way too sleepy to change to my sleeping clothes :( Where did you get that shirt? I got it in Landmark. Do you hear any music right now? Yep, one of the rare instances I’m listening to music while taking a survey. It’s Sunday and I’m sad, I gotta have that background music to keep me company. Don’t Panic! by All Time Low is currently playing. Who did you last talk to on the phone? Gabs, as always. Are you a fan of the band Gym Class Heroes? Never really was. Overall, how was your day today? It was good! We had a good lunch and my mom, sister, and brother dropped me off at Starbucks so they could do their Christmas shopping (I don’t like doing that kind of stuff with a bunch of people so I didn’t tag along), and I always like spending time alone in a coffee shop. Only downside is the Starbucks was kinda crowded, and this teenage boy was all up in my personal space in the communal couch. It was so claustrophobic, I had to move to another seat :/ I’ve taken to not doing work during the weekends, so the rest of the day has been a bit relaxing for me too. Silver or gold jewelry? Silver. In one word, how would you describe your best friend? Gab is ambitious; Angela is generous. Is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? Every indie song reminds me of my girlfriend; and every The Maine song reminds me of Anj haha. Do you have an alarm clock? No; my cellphone is my alarm. What was the weather like today? So satisfyingly chilly even if the sun was out. Wish it was like this all year - I found myself needing a jacket for most of the day. Do you often write on yourself? I used to back in high school – I’d write the list of homework on my palm. The habit mysteriously disappeared as soon as I got to college. Is there writing on the shirt you are currently wearing? Nopes, it’s all blank. Would you rather be cold or hot? Cold Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I haven’t tried either. Do mushrooms really add flavor to food? For me, not really. But I like their taste and texture nonetheless, and don’t mind eating them. What about onions? Yes. Are you a fan of Thai food? YESSSSS How about Indian food? YUP. Literally my top two cuisines. Have you ever tried sushi? Of course. I didn’t start liking them till I was around 14 or 15, though. What is the weirdest food you have eaten? My mom makes a lot of omelet variations that may be weird for others.

In your opinion, who would be the best president? In our case, it’s a local mayor from Metro Manila who does his job better than literally everybody else in politics. Do you know who LL Cool J is? Yeah, but only because WWE gets him as a celebrity host for Wrestlemania almost every year that it’s honestly super tiring seeing his face anymore lol. You have a pocket full of change - what do you do with it? Get street food in campus! Guitarists or lead singers? No preference. & some lyrics to end this survey? “If she wants to dance and drink all night, there’s no one that can stop her.” Thrash Unreal, Against Me!

#survey #surveys #i'm on a roll today aye aye ayeeeeee

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rhiezus · 5 years ago

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Lover As Our Ships.

I Forget That You Existed.

Literally Nayoung to everyone in her life before, including mostly SPB, the Nameless and even Kim Yura.

How many days did I spend thinking 'Bout how you did me wrong, wrong, wrong? Lived in the shade you were throwing 'Til all of my sunshine was gone, gone, gone

Also Keun to SPB... Everyone to SPB, that company is trash. But look:

Sent me a clear message Taught me some hard lessons I just forget what they were It's all just a blur

And don’t even get me started on the chorus.

Cruel Summer

At first, I thought, damn, I don’t have any ship for that because it’s about a breakup and stuff... But then it cleared my mind and now I think it’s two at the same time. First, Minhye and Jukan at college times.

Fever dream high in the quiet of the night You know that I caught it (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it) Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price You know that I bought it (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

[...]

Hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine I'm not buying (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it) You say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times We're not trying (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

But it just doesn’t stop there, it also gave me little hints of Anna and Kuen.

I'm drunk in the back of the car And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (Oh) Said I'm fine, but it wasn't true I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

[...]

And I screamed for whatever it's worth "I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

Lover

We got mixes feelings about this one, it literally could be any ship at some specific moment, so I really don’t know. However, I still keep my word that Hana and Mark were the first one that came to my mind when i listened to this song for the first time, probably because of The Archer and because of the state they are in right now that makes it easy for me to see Hana listening to this one right now and thing “Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?” and “All's well that ends well to end up with you”. Anyways, it also reminds me of Nayoung and Keun because of tHE MAGNETIC FORCE OF A MAn, and for the same reason, I can imagine Bonghu and Sanchan. And let’s not forget of Julie and Valak, they also marked this song as theirs. Oh my god, it also reminds me of Minhye and Jukan, for christ's sakes.

The Man

Speaking of her, that’s very Minhye. And nAYoung TOO. Actually, Nayoung seems like the type that would pick a lyrics from this song and posts on her stories, she is that kind of person right now. That’s official I even put on yes girl, there is no going back. But just... look:

Would you like to worry about drinkin' and dollars? And getting bitches and models? And it's so good if you're bad And it's okay if you're mad If I was out flashing my dollars I'd be a bitch, not a baller They'd paint me out to be bad So, it's okay that I'm mad

The Archer

To all the Hopeless Romantics I did before. I’m serious, this song is every single little bitch that's too hopeless romantic. It started with Hana, then I thought of Haneul, probably Kim Yura too, Anna & Clay.

'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

(JUST LOOK AT ANNA AND KIM YURA RIGHT THERE)

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face Then I hate my reflection for years and years

(HANEULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL)

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost The room is on fire, invisible smoke And all of my heroes die all alone Help me hold onto you

(CLAY)

I Think He Knows

Speaking of Clay, this song radiates Allen and Clay. But before that, I totally thought about Yehjin and Chang too. So well, probably both.

He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans It's like I'm 17, nobody understands No one understands

Seriously? That’s Clay about Allen.

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh We could follow the sparks, I'll drive Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh We could follow the sparks, I'll drive "So where we gonna go?" I whisper in the dark "Where we gonna go?" I think he knows

And this is so Yehjin and Chang, hell yes.

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

Chines & Chihye. There is none else for this, I swear because I’ve looked up.

You know I adore you, I'm crazier for you Than I was at 16, lost in a film scene Waving homecoming queens, marching band playing I'm lost in the lights

YES, SHALL WE ALL BE SAD ABOUT THIS?

I'm feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men? Darling, I'm scared (Ah)

Keep listening...

No cameras catch my muffled cries I counted days, I counted miles To see you there, to see you there And now the storm is coming, but

And finally...

It's you and me, that's my whole world They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl" (Okay) The whole school is rolling fake dice You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes [...] We're so sad, we paint the town blue Voted most likely to run away with you

Paper Rings

Oh my god, the first time I listened to this song I was “maybe it’s Bonghu and Sanchan”. bUT reading the lyrics I’m so shocked because it’s Raye and Kaili, and fuck this song is very them... From the instrumental to the lyrics, everything.

The moon is high Like your friends were the night that we first met Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet [...] Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

Shut up, this is totally about the beer pong! And then suddenly by the end of the year the fact they are together...

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

Shut UPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

Cof cof, that’s for Julie. Costance said, “suck it”.

Also, let’s not forget the part she keeps referring to him as “Baby Boy”.

Cornelia Street

Listen to me, I get the feeling this is Jinhyung and Kyungri. There is no further explanation on how I get to this conclusion, I just felt like it.

We were a fresh page on the desk Filling in the blanks as we go As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead Leading us home

Hm??

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend I'd never walk Cornelia Street again And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away

I had to do a whole specification about this, but can you get the feeling that when they finally realized that they didn’t want to cheat or be with anyone else just because what they had was enough? That’s the feeling. Perhaps it’s also about the fact that they were falling so hard that they just suddenly were like ‘that’s true, i don’t want anyone else besides you and this thought kind of terrifies me a little bit’, you know?!

You hold my hand on the street Walk me back to that apartment Years ago, we were just inside Barefoot in the kitchen Sacred new beginnings That became my religion, listen

Totally talking about they sneaking wndr’s dorm to be together.

Death By A Thousand Cuts

I never had this vision about this breakup until reading this song’s lyrics, but this is probably Seulgi when Hailey and she broke up. Yes, very random, yes, you probably didn’t expect this one but it’s true, let me show you.

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts Flashbacks waking me up I get drunk, but it's not enough ’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandelier's still flickering here ’Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

Very weird seeing Seulgi demonstrate any type of feeling, she probably felt this because they were together for a significant amount of time and Hailey traveled back to her country to sort her things out so... You can imagine how lonely Seulgi must have felt for a while.

I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright They say, "I don't know" And what once was ours is no one's now I see you everywhere, the only thing we share Is this small town You said it was a great love, one for the ages But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?

Seriously? This is totally Seulgi trying to figure out where to move from aside WNDR and Hailey, although she did figure it out somehow I can see why she was confused and a little upset even though she totally agreed with Hailey that the best thing was to break it off.

Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch My body, my love, my trust (It's death by a thousand cuts) But it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough, no, no

And with that, I rest my case.

London Boy

This would be Nayoung if it was called “Jeju Boy”, also Linlin would take a ride and sing it too if that was the title. Throwback that this is also Taewoon and Hojin (screams and sobs at the same time). If it was “Canadian Boy”, it could be Clay. Wait is Allen from where? IS HE BRITISH? I Thought hE Was AmeriCAn. And finally, if someone does a cover saying “London Girl”, then it’s definitely Evie and Sunny, or even me for wolfie. Yes. I love this song is so catchy, could be anyone talking about their crush, it’s really cute.

Soon You’ll Get Better

You know what this song it's about, let’s skip the crying.

False God

Haneul & Hyuntae. FUCK THIS SONG I SWEAR, IF IT WAS KOREAN I WOULD SAY HANEUL WROTE IT AND GAVE IT TO TAYLOR. SERIOUSLY JUST LOOK AT THE DESCRIPTION BY GENIUS: ”False God” uses heavy religious imagery to compare Swift’s relationship with current boyfriend Joe Alwyn to something all-powerful and greater than themselves.”

We were crazy to think Crazy to think that this could work Remember how I said I'd die for you? We were stupid to jump In the ocean separating us Remember how I’d fly to you?

Oh, boy, shut up Haneul.

They all warned us about times like this They say the road gets hard and you get lost When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

Also laughing about the part she says: “ You're the West Village”, change it to UN Village and it’s good to go.

You Need To Calm Down

That's us. And also Hailey. And also sweetpea.

Afterglow

Oh, here we go. Okay, this song is Linlin and Mingyu. I still can’t get over how much this song is them, seriously, I’ll just show the lyrics and let us be sad for the time being.

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue Put you in jail for something you didn’t do I pinned your hands behind your back, oh Thought I had reason to attack, but no

[...]

Hey, it's all me, in my head I'm the one who burned us down But it's not what I meant Sorry that I hurt you I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you (Ooh) I don’t wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh) I need to say, hey, it’s all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow

[...]

I lived like an island, punished you with silence Went off like sirens, just crying Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It’s on your face, don't walk away, I need to say

[...]

Tell me that you're still mine Tell me that we'll be just fine Even when I lose my mind I need to say Tell me that it's not my fault Tell me that I'm all you want Even when I break your heart

Yeah, I KNOW.

ME!

I hate that song, next.

I’m kidding, this actually brings me good memories even though it’s kind of insupportable. As for a ship, this is Kim Yura and Abe Chiyo. Eleanor and Zeev!!! And WNDR when they are getting ready in the dorm.

I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh I know I never think before I jump And you're the kind of guy the ladies want (And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

[...]

I know that I went psycho on the phone I never leave well enough alone And trouble's gonna follow where I go

I underestimated how much of Eleanor and Zeev this is.

I know I tend to make it about me I know you never get just what you see But I will never bore you, baby

YeAH, BoY.

It’s Nice To Have A Friend

Me to You, until I realized this was a romantic song and went all “well’... So, to sum up, as a ship this is straight-up Gok Inna and Pyongho. Just check out the genius description: “ Infused with steel drums, It’s Nice to Have A Friend is a dreamy ballad about two friends meeting in school and ending up getting married. It recalls the similar love story of children growing up together and falling in love.” We don’t even need to read the lyrics after that, I agree.

Daylight

This is another song with different ships to different situations. First, it’s Yohan and Sebin. Jinah and Bokyum. Danbi and Daehyun... Basically, everyone that went through a lot before finding their true love. Again, let’s take a look at the Genius description: “In the final song on her album Lover, Taylor Swift sings about struggling through previous relationships, beginning to doubt her ability to find true love, until she meets someone who brightens her life in a new way. She refers to being unlucky in love in the past, but when she meets her new partner, she only wants to focus on them and their happiness together.” Gotcha?

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

I can only think of Yohan and Sebin finding each other, but you could also see where I thought about there other two here too. Jinah and Bokyum? Totally random but totally meant to be. And Danbi and Daehyun were both like in a love maze thing until they realized how stupid they were since the start.

Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky And so I became the butt of the joke I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now It's brighter now, now

I swear TO GOD, THIS SONG!!!!! What a great way to finish an album and my thread... *heart emoji*

#ITS OUT AND ABOUT!!#*a

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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The WNUF Halloween Special: The Making of the Most Fun Found Footage Horror Movie Ever

https://ift.tt/2G6IjxE

In 1987, local news station WNUF held a special publicity stunt on Halloween night. Reporter Frank Stewart, joined by paranormal investigators and a priest, entered the infamous (and presumably haunted) Webber House, an empty home that was the site of a gruesome double murder. Hoping to get some ratings by doing a live call-in séance and an exorcism, Stewart and the others bit off more than they could chew as the event went completely awry. While the televised special ended in confusion, a special VHS tape was discovered years later that showed what really happened that Halloween.

That’s the plot of WNUF Halloween Special, released in 2013 by director Chris LaMartina. Told in the form of a news broadcast and follow-up special that were taped off TV, the found footage movie has garnered a cult following due to its unique 80s throwback style, realistic awkwardness, and loads of made-up commercials that add to the at-times casual experience.

If you have Shudder, WNUF Halloween Special is now available on there for you to watch this Halloween season.

In the meantime, I got to discuss the film with prolific indie director Chris LaMartina as he discusses the making of the film, its lovable quirks, and the inevitable follow-up.

Den of Geek: I have to imagine the WNUF Halloween Special was a unique process to put together what with the news prologue, the Halloween special itself, and the many commercials, especially since the commercials seem to get thematically darker as the special gets more ominous. How was that puzzle put together, especially compared to your other films?

Chris LaMartina: It’s really interesting. WNUF came together faster, believe it or not, than any of my other features. It’s kind of funny, it had been a couple of years since we made a feature. It was the second summer we weren’t making a horror film, and that really bummed me out. But what ended up happening was, I sat down with my frequent co-writer, co-producer Jimmy George and I was like, “Dude, the only way we’re going to make a movie is probably if we make a found footage.”

When I figured out what I wanted to do with found footage, when I literally was like, “Okay, how do we actually make the fun version of a found footage movie?”

Basically what ended up happening was we made it the most ass backwards way, making something that has so many more set pieces, so many more working parts. But the thing is, basically it was the fastest thing we’d ever produced because from script to screen it was nine months. Literally from sitting down to write the first treatment to finishing the final product was nine months.

I will say that I did that while we were raising money to make another film Call Girl of Cthulhu. We were running a crowdsource campaign while we were shooting and editing WNUF. The only thing I can say was, I was 27 years old, I was a single guy, I was living in a basement, my job had not become a career. Literally all I did was just live and breathe making movies and playing in a punk rock band, but that was when I wasn’t working. It was a crazy time.

The commercials were done in a certain way. I knew I had resources, a lot of stock footage, either royalty-free stock or public domain footage, that I knew I could turn into commercials. Basically, what we ended up doing was, the movie was written like a movie, it was written with commercial breaks, it just said “COMMERCIAL BREAK.” At that point what I did was I had myself and my buddy Pat York, and a couple other folks wrote just an absurd amount of commercials. There’s commercials that we wrote that were never even made. There’s commercials that are on the DVD but not in the official movie. There’s tons.

What I did was, I had all the people that were helping write some of the commercials come over and watch all the stock footage I had and I would tell them, “All right, I have enough footage for you to make a petting zoo commercial,” or, “I have enough footage for you to make– See this little short film that my buddy Jeff Herberger did? We’re going to take that footage of the space guy and make Galaxy Pilot.”

The majority of the commercials were stock footage of some sort, with the exception of the tampon thing. We shot that one. The King of Castle Lane was actually produced by my buddy Scott Maccubbin. Parents Against Partying was produced by my buddy Jim Branscome. We had four or so guest directors for just four commercials around that at least, no five. Shawn Jones was also Phil’s Carpet Warehouse. But the writing and the other stuff was mostly me and Pat but they involved other folks.

I would wake up at 6:00 in the morning, I would edit two commercials, go to work. I could walk to work from where I was living at the time. I’d come home on my lunch break, edit the commercials, go back to work, come home that night, edit another commercial, that type of thing. It was exhausting, but I had so much fun making WNUF and it was such a thing that was in my DNA.

I worked at a TV station right out of college, it was a government TV channel. At the time I was working in marketing. The year after that I became creative director for a digital agency, so I just loved writing ad copy.

Basically, what I did with WNUF was, I let it be an excuse to say all the shitty, stupid, cheesy things they would never let me keep in a commercial I wrote, so that was pretty cool.

So that’s the physical process of what you went through. What was the mental process that led to you guys putting together this nostalgia/horror/found footage cocktail?

We wanted to make a found footage movie but we were like, “What’s our found footage movie?” We made horror comedies. Basically, what we arrived with was sort of like, imagine if Christopher Guest made a found footage movie.

Yeah, it’s funny you say Christopher Guest because every time they show the anchorman, I kept thinking like he is just so close to being Fred Willard.

Dude, yeah. Yes, Gavin Gordon as played by Richard Cutting, he just channeled that. He’s such a sweet guy. It’s just funny.

Anyway, but yeah I was going to say, I sat down and I wrote down a list of everything I hated about found footage movies. It was like 1) why are they filming this? When things get crazy, why are they filming this? It makes no sense. 2) Found footage movies largely are small casts, so that’s not really interesting to me. 3) There’s never breaks. There’s literally never … It’s just one location. This sucks.

There’s no way to break up the monotony of shitty found footage. Finally I was like, as soon as you go into a store and buy a movie with a UPC code, the illusion of watching a found footage film is immediately broken because you know you’re watching commercially available film, and if it was some sort of snuff movie, there’s no goddamn way people would see that.

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First and foremost, why are they filming? I had this idea that they’re filming because it’s their job. It’s a special, it’s TV. If they don’t film they don’t cut to ad, they can’t make money. It’s literally their job, it’s their lifeblood. So then the idea of a TV show was kind of great because you have commercial breaks. Now most movies, when you do commercial breaks people just do one commercial or cut out the commercials. I figured, “No. That’s what we need to do.”

We need to show the commercials, because no one is crazy enough to do that. And there we were, we were the crazy nobodies. Yes, we’re going to make an 81-minute movie where 25 minutes are commercials. That’s insane, but that was fun for me.

And then the whole idea of having an ensemble cast. I had always liked ensemble movies or ensemble films so it was one of the situations where it’s like that was fun to have guests and things like that. And then after that, the big thing for me was the conceit of the story, the conceit of the distribution, how are you buying this movie? When we finished WNUF, for the first three months it was only available on VHS, you could only buy it on VHS, but for six months prior to that I had uploaded the WNUF Halloween Special on sites like Cinemageddon, on torrent sites, for people to think that they were real.

And then we had made copies on VHS ourselves before they were on sale and left them at horror conventions or dropped them off at the thrift store or threw them out of the car window. We had about 50 tapes back then. I don’t know if anyone found any of those. I think a couple of people found them at the horror convention. But that idea of building the mythos and having a whisper campaign was really, really important to me.

Going back to the commercials, like you said, your friends worked on those. Are there any in particular that when you looked at it you were, more than any other, just like, “Wow, that is perfect. This fits perfectly into the eighties aesthetic that we’re doing here.”

It’s funny, I have to think about that. I really think of the eighties local thing because I think there’s a couple of ones that look like national TV ads, but I feel like the local edge is what I really was attracted to in the movie, at least to make the original. I would say the ones that stick out to me are…

I actually really like the ad for the WNUF Halloween Special that you see during the commercial break. I also think the ad for High Pike Farms, feels very like regional TV.

In my head I was like, “Okay, this is a small market somewhere east of the Mississippi, because the call letters there start with a W.” I had this moment where I was like, “I imagine the same company probably paid at least 20% of these commercials if they’re all local ads, but there’s not going to be six video companies in this small town.”

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There were certain things… I was very careful not to make fonts based off the really, really local, local ones. But yeah, I can’t think of one that really, really stands out to me. I love something like the Frumkes Wine Cooler. I think Galaxy Pilot is a lot of fun.

Obviously, Paul Fahrenkopf steals the show as Frank Stewart. What other performance, supporting or minor, really sticks out to you? Personally for me it’s the guy dressed up as a vampire who appears in the background of the event and he’s the one who awkwardly realizes like, “Wait, there was a murder here?” That’s just such a great response, and it’s just such a perfectly awkward moment.

I’ll tell you two things. One, it is seriously my dream for that picture of, as we call him, Acid Dracula. I just want a picture of Mike Walls in that role turned into a meme that says, “Somebody died in this house?” just because I feel like his face is so priceless there. But no, here’s what I’ll tell you. When we shot those—

Oh, real quick. I just want to point out. I don’t know if it’s because of you, but I’m pretty sure on the IMDB page, he’s one of the images that pops up immediately.

That’s amazing. Yeah. Mike Walls, who plays Acid Dracula, he’s incredible. It’s really interesting, I’ve known Mike for a long time through the punk rock scene, but Mike told me, he was like, “What is my character?” Because people were just extras, literally I just said, “Hey, just answer the question and you can say whatever you want.” We had 15 people do that and we ended up using three or four on each segment.

Mike told me later on, “My character has gone to be on TV and right before he’s on TV has dropped acid.”

If you look at the outtakes on the DVD, the other thing that Mike did was during a take, which was insanely funny, was Frank asks him whatever the question is and he says, “I want to win.” And Frank’s like, “What?” He’s like, “Win. I want to win.” And he literally just keeps saying, “I want to win.” And then he says, “Thank you.” It’s just, it’s nuts. Because I was camera operator for a lot of the things too, it was me and my buddy Jim, who I used to work with at this TV station. Literally there were so many moments where I’m shaking, I’m trying not to shake the camera because it’s one of those huge shoulder mounted cage cameras.

But yeah, Mike had me on the floor.

Is there anyone else that you look at in the movie and just like, “That’s just such a great, perfect performance?”

Dude, I’d say right now, I could go down the list. I think the world of Paul Fahrenkopf and wrote the role of Frank Stewart for him. He had been in a film we made called President’s Day and I always felt Paul was just like… It’s sort of weird, man.

When I think about the movies we made, it ends up being this thing like summer camp where your crew becomes your family to a certain degree and hopefully they come back next summer and you make another thing together. Paul, for me, there’s something about Paul and his attitude and his snark that just makes him such a true character.

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But basically we wrote that movie knowing that Paul could be smarmy and like a dick, but still be really charming and funny. That’s one thing that I’ve always done, as I write I try to imagine who the character is going to be played by. It’s based on people I know. Louis and Claire Berger, Brian St. August and Helenmary Ball, they were just phenomenal. All those folks I really do consider an extension of my family.

I was going to say, I think even minor characters, even Acid Dracula or even Kendra North who plays the head of HARVEST. I think they bring something very funny but they’re all very funny in different ways. I think it’s really important to not do something where it’s everyone’s hitting the same note. I think Paul’s humor is a lot different than the Bergers’ humor, but yeah.

WNUF Halloween Special has become one of the annual standbys in my household. What Halloween movies do you always find yourself going back to year after year?

Okay. What I would say is the ones that are like quintessential, like this is Halloween to me…? I have to watch The Midnight Hour, the made-for-TV movie from the early 80s that was basically made to cash in on “Thriller.” What was great was that we did a double feature. My buddy Jim Branscome, who runs a screening series in LA called Cinematic Void, he did a double feature with WNUF and Midnight Hour, so that was one of the best nights because it’s my favorite Halloween movie and a movie I made.

During the day of Halloween I always watched The Halloween Tree, the Hanna-Barbera based on the Ray Bradbury story. It’s funny, I have a long list of Halloween shorts that I find myself, because I collect film print, so short films I like watching. I like Disney’s Skeleton Dance.

Also there’s a great version of Legend of Sleepy Hollow narrated by John Carradine that’s just… I honestly think Legend of Sleepy Hollow, the story itself, is one of the most perfectly Halloween ones as an experience because basically, you don’t know what’s real or not until afterwards and you’re just like, “Yeah, it’s a prank. It’s not real, but it’s still scary and wrapped in disguise in this mythos.”

I recall that there was an attempt to crowdfund a WNUF sequel.

Yeah.

Unfortunately that didn’t hit its goal but I have to ask, what would it have been about and is there still hope for it one day?

Oh dude, I’m making it right now!

Oh, you ARE making it?!

Yeah. That’s why I did GoFundMe. I did a GoFundMe because I don’t have to hit my goal. Look, I’m going to make the movie no matter what we raise. If I had raised 20 bucks, I would have figured out a way to make the movie. What ends up happening is the change in scope. What I have right now is, we’ve raised a decent chunk of change. People can still donate and get copies if they want to because as of right now the GoFundMe link is basically pre-buys at this point. You donate and then I’ll send you the DVD or the VHS or whatever.

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Okay, so let me talk about the movie. I’ve been very tight-lipped about what the movie is about. There’s plenty of people who have worked on it so far that know what it’s about. Here’s what I’ll say, it’s not a reboot, it’s not a remake. There are returning characters, but I’m very careful about what I explain the plot to be. What I will say is, it takes place in the nineties. Characters do return, I think about 10 characters return.

Did Dracula get over his acid problem yet?

Did Acid Dracula? I’ll tell you this, Mike Walls is in the sequel and he plays a vampire of some sort but he is not, as I would call him, Acid Dracula.

Okay. Interesting.

Yeah. The movie takes place in 1994 and 1996. I think the best way to describe this one to people without blowing what it’s about is, imagine if Jerry Springer hosted an episode of Sightings.

And also I think it’s really interesting too, it was really a lot more difficult and dynamic trying to satirize the 1990s in a way that felt believable, but still accurate and still sort of snarky, like you do with the ’80s. We’ve been far enough away from the ’80s when we made WNUF.

I know one of the reasons why WNUF is so important to make for me and just a different experience was like, I had seen so many people make fun of the 80s in a way that’s kind of like laughing at it, not laughing with it, or it doesn’t come from a place of love. Honestly, man, I grew up the youngest of three kids, I was an accident, and I used to get the tapes that my brother and sister taped off TV, but those were my intro to a lot of classic horror movies or TV shows, and they had all the commercials and I watched those tapes and commercials well into my high school years. Basically, I had a really encyclopedic knowledge of what would be accurate for that era, even though I wasn’t a teenager in 1987.

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But what I was going to say was, the ’90s for me, where we’re doing the sequel is, that’s the shit I grew up watching. I’d come home from school and there’d be Jerry Springer on or there’d be Power Rangers or even just like things like Mysteries, Magic, and Miracles that was on the Sci-Fi channel or Mysteries from Beyond the Other Dominion. I think that was the name of it, it had Franklin Ruehl was the host. It was a weird show, I think it was a public access thing from New York that got syndicated and it got picked up. It was only on Saturday mornings for the Sci-Fi channel. I’m totally rambling right now.

What I’ve experienced as I’ve gotten older, but then also as I had the distance of making WNUF and who reacted to it and seeing what’s happening next, the fact is there’s the same type of tropes and type of almost archetypes that exist in every era, but they evolve and change a little bit. I think it’s really interesting, almost like what the type of commercial for a wine cooler might be in 1987 versus what that might be in 1996.

Oh, that’s great. I’m very excited. One of the things that my wife and I would do sometimes, especially in the quarantine, is go on YouTube and just watch a 15-minute block of commercials from maybe the 80s or the 90s. It’s always interesting to see how they stack up compared to each other, especially if you don’t remember them at all.

Right. Yeah, definitely. I was going to say, what I thought was really interesting was, occasionally when I’m doing edits or whatever I’d just want to palate cleanse and look at something just to remind myself of the era, or even just be like, “Man, let’s go look at some fonts that they might have been using for this ad.” And then I’ll find another commercial that’s like, “Holy shit, dude. In this other commercial block I watched I had written something that was almost identical.”

That happens. There were so many times, even with the original, where years later I’d be watching something on YouTube and I’d be like, “Oh my god, people are going to think I ripped that off,” but I didn’t. I literally just didn’t know that existed. I found some public access Halloween thing where somebody made some contacting Elvis joke and I was like, “Jesus Christ, I didn’t see that but somebody probably totally thinks I ripped it off.”

The one trope that I would say absolutely needs to be in at least one commercial is the idea that every kid fucking hates adults.

Yeah, right.

It’s always, “Yeah, my gym teacher’s an idiot. He doesn’t get why I like this cereal.” Or the kid’s all, “Yeah. I saw my uncle today. He absolutely sucks.”

Yeah. No, I think I’ve got you covered.

All right, that’s good.

And I’m pretty sure I have you covered twofold if I’m remembering correctly, but yeah.

Speaking of the sequel, WNUF Halloween Special has its share of, I guess I’ll call it the expanded universe. I know you guys put together an album of earlier Frank Stewart broadcasts. There’s a commercial on YouTube for the WNUF Christmas Special which has some very sly foreshadowing in the description that relates to the ending of the movie. Was there ever any intent to go further than just a commercial? What made you guys think to just put that up or put that together?

The second I finished making WNUF I realized, I had too much fun making this movie. I missed the idea of making something with commercials or the idea of something that feels a little bit more improvised a little bit. It was one of those things where it was like I wanted to make something again, and then when the movie came out, we had never seen such a response to one of our films. I’ve directed eight features and this was the one that people really cared about. I think the idea of the budget being low is what helped people really respond to it and understand the aesthetic.

In December of that year what ended up happening was, or maybe November of that year, I was like, “Dude, let’s do a Christmas special as a joke, almost a social media Christmas card.”

And that’s what we did. If I was actually going to make a WNUF Christmas Special, it would be a goofy, community theater, Frank Stewart and Scrooge, and all the other anchors as the Ghosts of Past, Present, Future.

That’s an awesome mental image. You talk about the big sequel, but re there any other projects that you’re working on that we can look forward to, and perhaps a full-length version of Sarcophagus?

That’s funny. I was going to say, the mummy clips from Sarcophagus are from another film we made many years ago. We made a film many years ago called Grave Mistakes and there was a mummy, so all that stuff put into the mummy is from an actual movie we made, but granted, the whole movie is not nearly as entertaining as that 15-second ad for Sarcophagus.

I’m still working on the WNUF sequel. I’ll tell you right now, I was hoping to have it done a lot sooner but COVID happened and I can’t, really. We’re doing social distance shoots and I’m figuring out how to do everything safely without risking anyone’s health, but a lot of the stuff is not possible to do so I’m going to have to wait at least until the pandemic is over to do some of the things we had planned.

But that being said, I have another film actually co-written with my buddy Jimmy called What Happens Next Will Scare You. What Happens Next Will Scare You is a viral video. It’s like a clickbait horror anthology. It’s about these clickbait journalists who are—

Oh god, I’m screwed.

—who vote on the top 13 scariest viral videos for a listicle on Halloween. An early entry into the night unleashes this curse that brings all the monsters and weird things from the viral videos into the real world. That’s actually premiering virtually at the Nightmares Film Festival in October. I’m pretty sure I’ll be doing some sort of Q&A of some sort, but there’s that.

And then also the Bergers, the Bergers are in that, the paranormal investigator couple from WNUF are in that film. Basically, one of the segments is from an old TV show they did.

Oh, that’s cool. This all ties together.

Yeah.

Oh, I’m sorry. My wife just walked into the room with her own question that she just wrote down for me.

Yes, please.

“Is Shadow going to be in the next movie?”

The cat that played Shadow is dead, unfortunately. I know, that’s really, really sad. Without giving anything away, Shadow – I’m actually looking at my cat right now as I talk about this, which just funny. She’s probably wondering, “What the fuck are you talking about, Dad?” My cat is not Shadow, by the way.

The Bergers are in the sequel and Shadow is involved in some of it, but not in a very direct way, it’s very minor, mostly because I tried to find a cat like Shadow and it was just a nightmare. Trying to replace a very specific cat with a very low budget is not easy.

WNUF Halloween Special is available on DVD and now available to watch on Shudder. Any final thoughts on the project for the readers out there?

I think WNUF was a pretty rare gift and I don’t think anything I will make going forward will ever resonate like the original WNUF did. It really is, it feels like lightning in a bottle. It feels like all the stars aligned and how that movie exists is just really special and unique. It’s interesting to me because Halloween, as just a horror fan, somebody who just loves October, is one of those nights where you want everything to be magical and perfect. Sometimes you have these expectations, it’s really hard to have those expectations live up to what Halloween is in your mind.

We shot WNUF in October. Literally, we shot the majority of the movie in about five-ish days. All the stuff in the Webber House was three or four days. It felt like a fever dream, it was this big convergence of just the right elements.

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Yeah man, I don’t know what else I can say except that I feel very lucky that I directed a movie that people tell me they watch every Halloween. I don’t know, that’s really special. I don’t know, I don’t make movies for a living and I don’t know if I even want to. It’s more just like I love the fact that I made that movie out of pure love and not for a paycheck, and I think that’s something that you can tell, when somebody makes a horror movie to further their career versus somebody making something out of pure joy. And everyone who worked with us on those movies was the same way. Nobody got paid for that movie. The budget was $1500.

The post The WNUF Halloween Special: The Making of the Most Fun Found Footage Horror Movie Ever appeared first on Den of Geek.

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withlovelolita · 5 years ago

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Short Throwback & Shoutout

My parents told me once that I'm a failed 'product', that I haven't been 'function' properly. I cried that night, but of course not in front of them. Funnily, after years, I have realized that it's not me who's a failure but my parents.

I've made this conclusion when I was praying beside them.. just now. They made me like this and they raised me like this. My dad has beaten me in my whole childhood life up, even up until now although he barely does it anymore, but he still does. A few months ago, he almost killed me. He had a machete with him but thank God mom was there and stopped him.

And then I have my mom, she never really took care of me in my childhood because she was busy with work. She's a marketing director. Back then, I got a sexual harassment as well. A guy pulled me into the bushes and pulled my pants down, STARRED at my *. That shit was a disgusting experience. I cried all the way home. Thank God it didn't turn into a traumatic experience. Annoying thing is, I just can't forget about that memory, which is fucked up.

Also, I'm an only child. I was all alone every single day. I read books and manga, watched Ghibli movies, wrote fantasy stories, draw manga series, and I wrote every single day in my diary. I have lots of diaries.. and writing a diary is fun even though it isn't as fun as it used to be.

I had two best friends back then and they were all I had, they were my left and right shoulder, but I never really told them about my days and what shit I was going through. A friend of mine has seen me beaten up by my dad. She never came back to my apartment ever since.

Middle school wasn't any better and so did high school, well.. maybe a little bit better, just a tiny bit. Elementary school was actually my favorite part of my life and it'll always be my favorite part. Honestly, it should have been my worst part in my life, but my best friends made my days beautiful, I mean, that's what best friends are for, right?

All I want to tell my parents is, they should be thankful. I have changed, but actually.. I never really did any stupidity except in middle school. I guess that mistake was what was left from the 6th grade, it was still inside me. Thank God it's gone after ᴵ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵈʳᵒᵖᵖᵉᵈ ᵒᵘᵗ from school in 8th grade.

And then, high school came. High school was fun and everyone was nice. They liked me for some reasons, like me doing good in English so I was able to help them out with their homework and me who got raised in Europe and has a different point of view. They kind of pitied me, ending up in the middle of nowhere aka where I am right now. I mean, dude, I lived in Lucerne and now I'm here? It's actually not really in the middle of nowhere, but this place is quite far from the main city. Sad thing is they all fucking fake, bitch. :)

Went through a little trauma, but thank God I’m still good and alive until now. And I started to get happiness from home! I have a nice and motherlike house assistant named Mrs. Ai. Shoutout to her! ♡

Now I'm here, in my college life. I'm glad that I have super cool friends (shoutout to Himarutan too, lol). We’re like a clique and they always have my back and we go through good and bad times together. We've graduated last Monday BUT GOD IS TESTING US HUMAN RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HELL CORONAVIRUS IS PREVENTING EVERYONE FROM ACTIVITIES. It ain't that bad honestly. Hard working people can at least rest for a few weeks, like my mom.

I am also realizing right now that my life ain't that bad either. Well, I had a bad childhood, but a bad childhood doesn't make my whole life bad. And also, shoutout to myself because I have been so strong my whole life, thank you dear me. I love you! ♡

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gingerambition · 7 years ago

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Ginger Ambition Update

If you don’t know me, I’m assuming I’m your favorite ginger you’ve never met. If you’re reading this and you have met me however, you either have a huge secret crush on me, you’ve dated me and you’re looking for a subtle reference to yourself, or you recite my name each night as part of your Arya Stark–esque murder list. Honestly you’re more than welcome to my face, it takes an hour to put on before a first date anyway and is almost immediately ruined by excessive heat and pouting. You’d really just be saving me time at this point.

Anyway, before I can publish my drafts about receiving dick pics in my late 20′s (FUUUUUUCK), Tinder dates that result in me either A. bailing him out of jail or B. ending up at a bar that is actually a wake, and being a proud member of the girls still blacking out in Ubers while everyone else is getting engaged club, I have to get some things off my (perky) chest. It’s kind of long but typing it out will be like losing 20 pounds of emotional weight.

It’s been eight months since I got dumped. Two hundred and forty days later (I haven’t been counting I just did 8 x 30 on my phone) and I am still getting the same questions, so to avoid prolonging the graduation party effect (answering the same 5 questions on repeat the way I’m currently listening to “Look What You Made Me Do”), I am going to just put it all on the table.

I got dumped at the end of December. It was days after celebrating Christmas with his family and attending my best friend’s 90′s throwback party where everything seemed normal AF. In fact I hear he’s up for an Oscar for his portrayal of communicating, loving boyfriend. So no, it was not mutual. He had his reasons. (Sidebar: the self-control I just showed in resisting the urge to put air quotes around the word, reasons, is similar to how I felt the other night when this old dude who was buying me Coors Lights was texting Taylor Kitsch, YES – THE ACTOR, and all I wanted to do was spider monkey across the table, grab his phone, and get the digits of a B-list celeb). I felt the breakup was out of the blue. I’m sure him and I will never see eye-to-eye on it, and that’s because he’s way taller than me so it’s physically impossible. If I’ve told you “my story” in person, just skip this post. If you’ve been curious, here it is . . .

I Ubered to our apartment from the San Francisco airport (he couldn’t pick me up because he was drinking), and he was on the couch. He hadn’t unpacked from being home for Christmas yet. He got back to our apartment a day earlier. His shoes were on. I made us mac n’ cheese. I started nagging that he wasn’t eating his and it was getting cold, I even put the pepper out for you. I was snuggling our cat and asking him how much he missed his girls. He turned off the TV and said, using my full name, we need to talk. Every part of me between my throat and my belly button knotted together and tasted like acid and pennies, my limbs felt distant and heavy, I moved to him, but I felt more like I was watching myself. After we spoke (he whispered, I cried), he took his still packed bag, I tried to kiss him (I got his cheek), and I watched him walk down the hall as I so often did in the morning when he left for work before me. That was the last time I saw him. After 2 states, 4 apartments, 5 years, countless "babe, you need to double flush after that,” kitchen slow dance parties, and putting our mattress in the living room for pizza fueled sleepovers, it was done. And it is done, because I don’t believe in second chances when it comes to ex-boyfriends. At some point they always come back. Of that I am certain. It could be 5 weeks or it could be 15 years, but it always happens and I take comfort in that.

I called my best friend, she didn’t answer so I texted her husband. I called my mom. I called my sister. My best friend called back. I told my college best friends. I texted a few more girls. I told everyone I wanted to hear it from me, and gave them permission to pass it on like a shitty game of telephone, so I wouldn’t have to live it over and over. I cried myself to sleep wrapped up in a nest of blankets, pillows, and dirty clothes I made out of things that smelled like him. I woke up every hour, realized where I was, cried, fell back asleep, repeat. I left the TV on to feel less alone. The small studio, that I couldn’t wait to return to less than 24 hours prior, felt less like home and more like stumbling upon a movie set or the apartment of a stranger I follow on Instagram. I had an idea of who had lived there, how they felt, how I should feel, but I was suffocated between collections of crap full of memories I could imagine but not grasp, and inside jokes I could make an outline of, but not see. In 12 hours I had aged 5 years. Everything felt fresh, and sharp, and distant, and numb, and a thousand other emotions all at the same time and I didn’t understand how that could be.

Then I did something I never thought I would do, I just left. I took a red eye flight back to Michigan, where I was just 24 hours prior. I left all of the apartment lights on, the TV, and our Christmas tree. I cut up our favorite t-shirt then refolded it and put it in his drawer. I snapped my Harry Potter wand in half (from our 4 year anniversary trip) and put it under his pillow. I took everything of his I could see from my bed and put it in the corner. I tore every Uno card in half and left them in a pile. I wanted to break all of his Legos and throw out the directions but my mom said no, and for some reason I listened. I pulled the felt monogram I made off his nightstand lamp shade. I deleted my wedding Pintrest board. I deleted all of our pictures together from my phone. If you don’t want me anymore, I don’t see the point in lingering. If I said doing all of that petty crap didn’t make me feel better, I’d be lying. It was better than drunk Taco Bell after a sorority date party.

I took as many sweatshirts and yoga pants as I could fit in a carry on, my large suitcase, my purse, cornered our cat into her carrier, and I left the rest for him to ship. Here’s an old school story problem to give you a break from brown out figuring out how to tip and write your number of a bar tab at the same time, 1 sobbing ginger + 2 suitcases + 1 purse + 1 cat that weighs like 2 cats = this blog can write itself. But wait, there’s more! The Titanic soundtrack was playing at my gate and my Uber driver almost killed us. He didn’t understand English, so when my cat started clawing to get out of her soft side airplane regulation carrier, and I pleaded with her to stop (when it rains it pours), he slammed on the breaks - on the HIGHWAY - and said “stop? stop? stop?” I yelled, KEEP FUCKING GOING. Not a moment I’m particularly proud of, but it happened. I put in my 2 weeks notice and worked remotely, wrapping up projects, and apologizing in emails. I tried not to burn bridges. Hurt has a ripple effect not always immediately evident.

The worst part for me is knowing one day, every adventure, every nickname, every private moment we shared together will be forgotten, will disintegrate, and I will be reduced to, “that ginger I dated for like 5 years in my 20′s and had a TV show no one watched.” I will be become one of his two truths and a lie options. I won’t even have a name. He will tell some Cliff Notes version of “our story” to the daughter he has with someone else who isn’t me when it’s her heart that is broken and craves assurance there’s someone out there for everyone.

I slept on and off for the next 4 days, a very Carrie in the “Sex and The City” movie when she’s on her honeymoon with her friends instead of Big, of me to do. I never said I wasn’t dramatic. I didn’t drink. I made myself shower. I went on long walks with my parents’ dog and listened to a “Guys Are The Wooooorst” Spoitfy playlist I made. Everyone was so proud of me and impressed by how I kept it together, how I’m still keeping it together. Friends were happy to have me home, to have me so close to them. I felt wanted again. It’s not hard to act fine when he’s on the other side of the country. I wasn’t going to run into him. He never drunk dialed me, never texted. As much as distance can make things hard, it can also make things easy.

My first breakup with my first boyfriend when I was 19 was horrible. I lost a ton of weight (not in a hot way - in a, “her head is too big for her body” kind of way), I didn’t go to class, I passed out on porches, I took my anti-depressants on and off sometimes with whatever shot was on special or being handed to me. This time, simply put, I would not allow myself to be that girl again. I was like nope, too cute, too sassy, too many people who love me to go back to that. (Although it would be nice to basically fit my American Girl doll’s clothes again.) I received so many cards and presents in the mail from best friends, girls I hadn’t talked to in years, and old co-workers that I almost wish I got dumped sooner, preferably around the time of a Kate Spade Surprise Sale.

So it’s been eight months. I’m 27-years-old and I’m starting over. I’m living at home. I bought a new old car. I thought 2017 was the year I’d be planning a wedding. Now the extent of my planning is what I’m wearing to work tomorrow and what city I will visit next weekend. But you know what? I’m happy. I’m loved. I’m done settling.

#boybye #GingerAmbition #Breakup #KellyannWargo #Single

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pearlsephoni · 8 years ago

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i have homework i need to do

plso here’s a list of questions that are supposed to be sent as asks but i felt like answering them myself rip productivity and sleep leggo

200: My crush’s name is: lol people I know irl follow me they don’t need to know this 199: I was born in: Galle, Sri Lanka 198: I am really: sleep-deprived 197: My cellphone company is: AT&T 196: My eye color is: Daaaaaaaark brown 195: My shoe size is: 6 194: My ring size is: I don’t actually, but I guess one of the smallest sizes 193: My height is: 5′1 192: I am allergic to: pet dander 😢 191: My 1st car was: still don’t have my license rip 190: My 1st job was: working in a lab! 189: Last book you read: Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison (I’ve been working on like five other books for the last year why am i like this) 188: My bed is: a lofted long twin, gotta love dorm beds 187: My pet: don’t have one 186: My best friend: got three, love them all 185: My favorite shampoo is: SheaMoisture’s Coconut and Hibiscus Curl and Shine has been great 184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: wonderful 182: In my pockets: my headphones 181: On my calendar: so many projects and presentations and finals rip 180: Marriage is: what you make of it 179: Spongebob can: ...do whatever he wants? i don’t care 178: My mom: is one of the best people in the world 177: The last three songs I bought were? Dead Girl Walking, La La Latch, and the 21 Chump St soundtrack 176: Last YouTube video watched: What If? feat. Daniel Radcliffe, by Anna Akana 175: How many cousins do you have? 7 174: Do you have any siblings? nope 173: Are your parents divorced? nope 172: Are you taller than your mom? we’re the same height 171: Do you play an instrument? Piano (badly), and I used to play clarinet 170: What did you do yesterday? classes, lab work, IRO meeting, then stayed up Way Too Late finishing an assignment [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: nah, I believe in attraction at first sight tho 168: Luck: Yeah 167: Fate: Yeah 166: Yourself: Working on it 165: Aliens: Yeah 164: Heaven: um 163: Hell: uh 162: God: haven’t thought about it as much as I probably should’ve 161: Horoscopes: not usually, but they’re fun 160: Soul mates: I kinda do, but I wish I didn’t, because it’s such a stressful concept to me 159: Ghosts: not really, but I’ll still get spooked at haunted places 158: Gay Marriage: YES???? 157: War: no 156: Orbs: don’t really know anything about that 155: Magic: no, but I wish I did [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs 153: Drunk or High: never been high 152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes (all my crushes have been brunettes, idk how or why) 149: Hot or cold: Hot 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla 145: Night or Day: both 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke 136: Hillary or Obama: hoo boy, Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: Coach 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: lmao Taylor Hicks what a throwback tho 131: Small town or Big city: Big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller (unfollow me if you pick Sandler omg) 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red Sox [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: unnecessary 121: George Bush: really don’t like this weird “kind grandpa” tour he’s going on. appreciate him acknowledging his mistakes though 120: Gay Marriage: Should be accessible to anyone and everyone, and the continued persecution of gay people (and people of every non-hetero sexuality) is disgusting 119: The presidential election: Hell On Earth 118: Abortion: Should be accessible to anyone and everyone 117: MySpace: Let it die 116: Reality TV: Let it die 115: Parents: I’ve been blessed with amazing ones, but not everyone is, and everyone should be able to define their relationship to them without society trying to enforce judgement on them 114: Back stabbers: been on both ends of that 113: Ebay: where I go for kpop things rip my wallet 112: Facebook: I’m embarrassed by how much I still use it 111: Work: nice. people at Wharton can be so stuck-up though, why are theatre kids like this 110: My Neighbors: Love them! 109: Gas Prices: pls 108: Designer Clothes: I think they’re super pretty, but they’re just not something I could personally invest that kind of money into 107: College: Should be accessible to anyone and everyone 106: Sports: wow I really don’t give a fuck outside of the Olympics. wish I did. 105: My family: Love my parents, love my maternal grandmother, wish I had a better relationship with the rest. 104: The future: Wow! Fuck! Terrifying! [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: Saturday night 102: Last time you ate: Eating chocolate rn lol 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: yesterday when I saw one of my asshole high school classmates twice in one day what kind of fuckery 100: Cried in front of someone: oh wow...it might have been the day after the elections? or my first therapy session? I don’t remember which came first oops 99: Went to a movie theater: March 24th, to see the Beauty and the Beast remake lmao 98: Took a vacation: Spring break, went to NYC with one of my close friends 97: Swam in a pool: Jamaica, the first week of January 96: Changed a diaper: over the summer, while babysitting 95: Got my nails done: never gotten them done professionally! 94: Went to a wedding: uhhhhhhh I must’ve still been in pre-school I think 93: Broke a bone: never happened to me g bless 92: Got a peircing: when I was a baby lmao 91: Broke the law: I guess underage drinking counts, so this past weekend lol 90: Texted: an hour? ago? I think? [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Leslie 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my parents, my mom’s cooking, the kids on my street 87: The last movie I saw: Split (unless the last ep of Black Mirror counts because that was a 2 hour doozy) 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Going to Mexico this summer 85: The thing im not looking forward to: finding out how my crush feels about me 84: People call me: smol, cute, sweet, angry 83: The most difficult thing to do is: confrontation 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: Bull 80: The first person i talked to today was: my linguistics prof 79: First time you had a crush: elementary school 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom and Jaylen 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Lizy, last week 76: Right now I am talking to: no one 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: be a doctor? hopefully? and travel? ahhhhhhhhh 74: I have/will get a job: yee 73: Tomorrow: I have a test in Spanish and have to work on a group presentation rip 72: Today: NEED TO GET THIS DAMN PROPOSAL DONE 71: Next Summer: this coming summer? going to Mexico, still don’t know what I’m doing for the second half why does this keep happening 70: Next Weekend: Working Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time! so excited, I’ve been looking forward to this show for the past year 69: I have these pets: none :’( 68: The worst sound in the world: screams of pain 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mooooooooom (because I love her so much) 66: People that make you happy: my parents, my friends, I’ve been blessed with the people in my life 65: Last time I cried: probably two weeks ago, my mind wouldn’t shut up before bed 64: My friends are: the most patient people in the world 63: My computer is: doing its best, wish it had more memory 62: My School: is great! 61: My Car: nonexistent 60: I lose all respect for people who: voted for Trump 59: The movie I cried at was: the last one was Lion 58: Your hair color is: black 57: TV shows you watch: Too Many 56: Favorite web site: Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube 55: Your dream vacation: living in Paris for 1+ month 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: all of junior year of high school 53: How do you like your steak cooked: I’m pescatarian lmao 52: My room is: small, but lovely 51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhh Viola Davis 50: Where would you like to be: Paris, NYC, Disney World 49: Do you want children: still not sure honestly 48: Ever been in love: unrequited, but yeah 47: Who’s your best friend: my mom, Jaylen, Riley, Leslie 46: More guy friends or girl friends: woah so many more girl friends 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: getting enough sleep 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my parents, my crush, Jaylen 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: kind..of...it depends on a lot of variable tho 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: tentative, but yeah 41: Have you pre-named your children: nah 40: Last person I got mad at: does sean spicer count 39: I would like to move to: NYC, Madrid, Paris (why am i so bougie why am i like this) 38: I wish I was a professional: actress [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: sour patch kids, airheads xtremes, cotton candy 36: Vehicle: Volkswagon Beetle, the last generation when it was still round rip 35: President: Obama? 34: State visited: California 33: Cellphone provider: AT&T i guess 32: Athlete: Simone Biles 31: Actor: at the moment, Dev Patel 30: Actress: at the moment, Phillipa Soo and Viola Davis 29: Singer: at the moment, Bruno Mars 28: Band: at the moment, EXO and Royal Pirates 27: Clothing store: Rue 21 26: Grocery store: Meijer and Kroger 25: TV show: at the moment...shit, I don’t really know 24: Movie: at the moment, Amelie 23: Website: tumblr, facebook, youtube 22: Animal: elephants 21: Theme park: Disney World 20: Holiday: Christmas 19: Sport to watch: Figure skating 18: Sport to play: uh badminton I guess 17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: The Night Circus 15: Day of the week: Friday 14: Beach: Galle 13: Concert attended: Bruno Mars’ Moonshine Jungle with Jaylen 12: Thing to cook: omelettes 11: Food: my mom’s food, spicy ramyun, macarons 10: Restaurant: Boiling Pots 9: Radio station: 98.7 in Detroit 8: Yankee candle scent: don’t really know 7: Perfume: Marc Jacobs Daisy 6: Flower: plumerias, cherry blossoms, roses, daffodils 5: Color: piiiiiiiiiink 4: Talk show host: I still miss Oprah tbh 3: Comedian: John Oliver, John Mulaney, Mike Birbiglia (I know, I need to diversify my choices) 2: Dog breed: corgis, samoyeds, labradors, goldens, poodles 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I tried?

#personal burb

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aloneandunreal · 5 years ago

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july 30, 20

i haven’t posted in a bit. i don’t know why i’m deciding to post now. i guess because i’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic (once again). just know that i’m always feeling sentimental about something - every damn day. before i go on, though, i’m just going to mention that it’s my sister’s tenth birthday today! i can’t believe she’s been around for a decade already. kind of mind blowing.

anyway, this band called fog lake came on shuffle the other day and it made me think of the days i was really into them - i was about thirteen or fourteen. i remember the summer before my freshman year, i sat on top of my roof and listened to music, watching the sunset. i wanted to be like one of those indie kids in the films, as i always do. the last time i was on the roof was on my fourteenth birthday, at exactly 12. i was up on the roof with my cousin, as she was sleeping over the night. we listened to music and just had a weirdly fun time, even though we were on the damn roof at 12 A.M. it makes me smile thinking about it, especially thinking of the person i was then. i know i always say this but i honestly always am. the person i was then, the people i knew then, is so different than now. but at the same time, similar. i still get nostalgic about dumb things as i did then, and i still want to be one of those cool high schoolers like in the movies, though my time is almost up now, whereas then it was just beginning. at the moment, i’m listening to hey there delilah. my cousin and i listened to that song when we were on the rooftop for some reason; we were listening to throwback songs. the song really makes me so sad for some reason. this song and fog lake are really making me sad, thinking back on eighth grade and just my past self in general.

it’s sad thinking how different the world is now, with coronavirus and all. if i told myself 3 years about all that’s going on now, i don’t even know if i’d believe it. speaking of corona, my school announced that we’re going to be doing all virtual for the fall semester. i don’t exactly know how to feel about that. i’m happy, but at the same time, it’s my senior year, and i know it’s basically ruined now. it’s not going to be a normal year. but it’s not like i’d do anything different this year, though. nothing crazy, i probably wouldn’t put myself out there.

i’m thinking of my freshman year, and the seniors then. it’s weird thinking that that’s now... me. but i won’t have a year like they did, because of all that’s going on in the world at the moment. i kind of wish i could have a normal year. the whole thing with zoom is just going to cause me so much anxiety, having to see myself on camera. but at the same time, it’s not as bad as going to school at 6AM every morning, starving and tired for 7 hours. but yeah, i don’t know how to feel about it just yet. it’s abnormal. never happened before, so i don’t know how it’s all going to turn out. i’m still worried about college and all, and i feel like i have so much to worry about, but right now i don’t think i want to write about that. it’s exhausting, honestly. i am genuinely terrified though, as i’ve probably mentioned in every entry before this.

things i’ve been remembering in specific and have felt nostalgic about are as follows: my eighth grade graduation, the girl i was best friends with in seventh grade, and the end of ninth grade. i don’t know why these events in specific. i’m going to go through each one in specific, i don’t know why. i just feel like it i guess. i like going over memories over and over again and making myself sad... Ha Ha.

firstly, was my eighth grade graduation. that was the day i began talking to one of my online friends who quickly became one of my really good online friends. i’ve spoken about her in past entries, and we’re no longer that great of friends anymore. just different people now, i guess. anyway, besides her, i remember going to the high school, which is where the graduation would be held. before it started, i took pictures with my friends that year. my girl friends, and then these two boys i was kind of friends with. colin and aaron. aaron moved, and although i gave him my number, he never texted me so that was the last i ever saw of him. then colin, we lost touch in high school. haven’t really spoken since eighth grade. i took a photo with them, saying something stupid as we took the photo. god, i was so cringey then. anyway, then the graduation happened, all of us being sweaty stinky teenagers in a hot auditorium just waiting to get out of there. then we left after some more goodbyes, and i remember this one boy i was friendly with said “bye ava!” and that was it i believe. what i don’t understand is why i’m thinking about this, it’s not a huge moment in my life. nothing crazy. but thinking of each person and our history is what makes me sad. some of those people, it was our last time speaking to each other. and now, my last graduation is coming up. it’s crazy how much i’ve changed since then.

second is the girl i was best friends with in seventh grade. i’ve spoken about this before, so i’ll try not to go too much into depth. i miss her sometimes. we’ve always had this on and off type of friendship. we lost touch in eighth grade, and found different groups. we still talked, but it was obvious we were separating. ninth and tenth grade, nothing. this year was when we started speaking again, and it was nice and all, but not really the same as it once was. and i mean, obviously. we’re not twelve anymore. but thinking back on it, the peak of our friendship, makes me sad. i’m her friend i guess, but we don’t speak all too much since quarantine happened. she has another friend group anyway. honestly, i feel as if it’s my fault we drifted apart. i was so caught up with some other girl in eighth grade, and kind of just forgot about her. and now i’m not exactly friends with either of them. i wonder what would have happened if i hadn’t jumped on this other girl; if i had focused more on our friendship, that was more important than this other girl who is not even in my life anymore and was a toxic friend anyway. i wonder. maybe it wouldn’t be any different. i’ll never know, that’s for sure. all in all, i just miss our old friendship sometimes. i was thinking back on seventh grade, and first of all, god there are so many memories. but one in specific i’ve remembered is the end of the year. i was working on some project in my science class, incredibly bored, so i decided to make a google doc. it was basically a letter for my sister and myself for when she / i got older. i wrote questions like “are you still friends with ___?”, “did you start dating anyone?”, “do you still like [band]? you better!!” and some other (depressing) stuff i won’t get into as it’s not really important. that was almost five years ago, and i can answer those questions now. though i am not happy with my answers. i wish i could have fulfilled twelve/thirteen year old me’s little dream of what she wanted to become in high school... but i don’t think i did. and now it’s over. high school. i still have this year, but i don’t know how much opportunity there will be since corona and all. sorry, seventh grade me. i really let you down, huh?

lastly is the summer before my freshman year ended. i remember i basically failed all of my finals or got D’s on them. that year seriously sucked academics wise. before i failed said finals, i remember my dad drove me to school to take them, and i was listening to blue monday ‘88 by new order and mr blue sky by electric light orchestra. i don’t know why i remember that. that’s also around the time i smoked weed with this girl i was once friends with... but that’s a whole other insane story. thinking of it, i have a lot of stories from middle school and high school, whether they be good or bad. i always thought i didn’t have any, and it was 100% bland, but to be compeltely honest, it wasn’t. there are some fun memories out there, whether they involved school or not. even though i didn’t get to live my indie kid dream, i still had some memories that i’ll look back on. they’re not as interesting as some peoples’ but they’re memories nonetheless.

to speak on the present, i’ve not done too much. i remember at the beginning of the summer i said i was going to try and write my own story. that never ended up happening. i also got accepted into the national honor society which i can’t really believe for some reason. i accepted the invite, though incredibly anxious considering there’s a lot i need to do in order to stay in the national honor society. it’s making me really anxious, but since of covid, i probably won’t have to do as much as they want me to. for example, they want me to do 2 or more clubs / sports / activities. which i do NOT want to do, considering being social makes me incredibly anxious. i know it’s dumb, but i can’t help myself. these are the times when i wish i was normal, and wonder how i’m going to get by in the real world. will i be able to? i don’t know. but other than that, not much has gone on. i’m practicing for SATs since i missed them (was supposed to take them the weekend before my school shut down... so annoying). i’m taking them in late september but i don’t know if that’s going to happen or not. who knows what will be going on by then in the world. so yeah, i’m worried about a decent amount of things. and it sucks. but it’s summer, so i’m going to try my hardest to not dwell on it too much.

there’s plenty of memories i could go on about, like the times in freshman year i used to skip class with my friend and one time we went outside to the courtyard and took ‘aesthetic’ photos. or the time i was obsessed with this one boy in my friend’s digital photography class who was a senior at the time - don’t even ask why i was so obsessed with him. i still don’t understand why. i remember before school ended i listened to your graduation by modern baseball and thought of him, knowing i’d never see him again. god, i’m already starting another one of my dumb rants about stupid things and people who don’t even think or care about me. i’m just sad about it. so many different things; going over them in my mind. i don’t know when or if i’ll ever get over this whole ‘i’m sentimental and feel nostalgic about every single thing that’s ever happened in my lifetime.’ i don’t know why i dwell on these things, they’re the past. they won’t be coming back. i can’t change anything, or go back to them. sometimes i miss the people or just the experiences i had in some of these memories, even if they weren’t the best memories. i always glorify things and make them seem better than they actually were. i’ve said this ten times already in previous entries, but i remember in seventh grade i specifically said “this was the worst year of my life” but now? now i kind of want to go back. for whatever reason. go back in time to that year, that time of my life, the friends i had, the life i had, the teachers i had, the things and activities i did. i want to go back and taste these memories one last time. not just seventh grade - but whatever i’m feeling sad about.

anyway, i’m going on and on about nothing now. i’m just damn sad about this at the moment, and this being my last year of high school makes it worse. it’s all about to end - the kids i have known since childhood, the memories i’ve made since elementary. they won’t be gone technically, but they’ll be distant. i’ll be moving on to different things when i graduate. college, i guess. this will all be in the past, and i don’t know if i want to let it go. i never want to let anything go. each year i get sad about the past year, for whatever reason, even if it was boring. for example sophomore year. it was boring but thinking back on it, there still were some memories i go back to in my mind and kind of want to go back to. even this year i feel sad about sometimes. the beginning of it, more specifically. god, i am so stupid. anywho, i need to end this now. writing this and listening to sad music honestly has just made my feelings more prominent and i am just more sad now than i had been before. i feel dumb but i just felt like writing about this for some reason...plus, i haven’t written in AWHILE.

that’s all for now i guess. i’m sad. the future is so uncertain, and i guess that’s why i always go back to the past, and reminisce on it. by the way, i don’t know how amazing my spelling and grammar will be considering i’m tired (it’s 12:38am - not too late but i’m tired for some reason) and don’t reread this over / edit it. okay, bye for now. this was really dumb and basically just me ranting and going on about the same things i always go on about, but i just felt like getting it out. bye..

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