#throwback to a post on our other blog about how we saw a post saying fictives are psychotic if they have exomems. what the fuck.

[cravingforbiddenaffection]

maybe this is just my experience as a system but how can you be extremely proship but also vioently anti-endo

isnt the whole proship thing to just. let people do what they want. why cant you apply that to endo systems and just like. Not go out of your way to harass them and tell them to kill themselves. isnt that what half the proship community complains about antis doing. youre acting like an anti when you do that.

a lot of system terminology and resources (the term "plural" being a nonmedicalized term, pluralkit, simply plural...) were coined by, made by, or at least made in solidarity with endogenic systems.

im not trying to encroach on peoples spaces, but ive seen a lot of anti endos encroaching on originally endogenic spaces. so. shrug.

[coffeeheartaddict2]

I posted 1,492 times in 2022

That's 1,245 more posts than 2021!

203 posts created (14%)

1,289 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jerzwriter

@genevievemd

@jamespotterthefirst

@liaromancewriter

@potionsprefect

I tagged 256 of my posts in 2022

#open heart - 167 posts

#ethan ramsey - 152 posts

#choices fanfic writers creations - 89 posts

#casey valentine - 64 posts

#asked and answered - 42 posts

#throwback thursday - 29 posts

#choices - 22 posts

#ethan ramsey x mc - 22 posts

#tobias carrick - 18 posts

#sunday six - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#or i don’t know call the fic where dr caveman handles himself to thots of dr allende whilst in the amazon medicine

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

A place to call home

Book: Open Heart (post series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Casey Valentine

Catergory: domestic fluff

Warnings: sexual references

Summary: Ethan and a pregnant Casey move into their new apartment in the seaport district.

Disclaimer: characters belong to Pixelberry.

Authors note: my submission for @choicesmonthlychallengejune2022 . Prompts are in bold

——-

It was a bittersweet time for Ethan. He had lived in his penthouse apartment for 14 years. When he first got it he was barely there to be enjoyed but 7 years ago a bright young intern started at Edenbrook and slowly started breaking down his walls. Even before they were together he started to see what this unit could be with her. At first it is where they met to discuss and do research to help Naveen, it was where they were first intimate, it is where he first told her he loved her and a year later it is where he proposed. He had hoped that they would stay here forever, but no matter how hard Casey tried, she never felt like that this unit was truly theirs. This feeling became more apparent when they discussed the likelihood of extending their family. Ethan hated that Casey never truly felt like this place was theirs so they agreed to move. When they started looking they did not think they would find a new place so soon. They started looking at Seaport as it was a good neighbourhood, good schools and other families in the area and still close to work. They found a three bedroom unit and both fell in love with it, both loved the kitchen, Casey the outdoor area and Ethan the open plan layout. They put an offer on it and it was accepted. They had decided to keep this unit as an investment property so they did not have to worry about selling it. Neither had planned on Casey being pregnant when they moved but Casey was eager to start the nursery for the baby when they moved.

Moving day came and both Ethan and Casey had mixed emotions. Both were excited for the new beginnings that the new unit brought but it was also saying goodbye to this unit. Even though Casey always saw it as Ethan’s place there was lots of memories for her also.

The removalists came and took away the boxes. Both were glad that Jenner was with Alan for this process.

They were at their new apartment. Ethan found the wine glasses and opened the non alcoholic wine.

“We’ve moved, to our next chapter”

“To our next chapter.”

They are in the kitchen enjoying their takeout when Casey notes a familiar lustful look in Ethan’s eye. Ethan went and hugged Casey from behind. Ethan was wanting to christen the apartment but he knew Casey was exhausted from such a big day. She had not suffered with much morning sickness but the exhaustion was there. Casey leans back and kisses him. She breaks the kiss and sits on the island bench. Ethan kisses her again, more heatedly. He breaks the kiss and asks her if she is sure she wants to continue. Casey nods and kisses Ethan again. After a very heated christening of the kitchen they moved to the couch and rested.

“Was that as good as you hoped?”

“Better dare I say” said Ethan stroking Casey’s belly. “As much as I saw my old apartment as ours, this was definitely a move we needed to do. Your happiness is important to me.”

“It is a new beginning that is for sure. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They went to bed that night, exhausted but also happy and excited about what life was about to bring them and neither could be happier.

Authors note: a short one but we are in their new unit and awaiting the arrival of baby Hudson. As I said this is my submission for day 7 of the @choicesmonthlychallengejune2022

Tagging: @jerzwriter @liaromancewriter @genevievemd @jamespotterthefirst @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @a-crepusculo @bex-la-get @crazy-loca-blog @potionsprefect

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

25 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

#4

Honestly I love you

Book: Open Heart (book 2)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Casey Valentine

Category: Angsty pining

Warnings:

Summary: Post Softball game and pre heist from Casey’s perspective.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry

Authors note: submission for the choices fanfic writers creation ONJ event. Prompt will appear in bold.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍

It was the day after the softball game. Casey was in a state of flux. Yes they won the game, there was even a brawl when she crashed into Landrat but that was not on her mind at all.

That kiss. After months of denial he had kissed her, not just a friendly peck but a no holds barred all the emotions that she knew she had buried deep. On the way home she wished Alan had not interrupted but she was also glad that Ethan and Alan were having a chat that was well overdue.

The next day came and they did not discuss the kiss, but she could tell that there was a change in Ethan and Casey did not know what to make of it. A snippet of a song then randomly came into mind. “You don’t have to answer, I can see it in your eyes.”

Could perhaps the conversation that they needed to have be positive. Casey lived in the vain hope it would be but with all the uncertainty around the hospital it was hard to stay optimistic. Casey goes about her rounds, trying to keep Ethan out of her mind but the conversations, the looks he has given her keep playing on loop. She is finally taken out of her loop when she gets a page. Herself and Jackie find their way to Kyra’s office and she is coughing up blood. They take Kyra for an MRI. Casey already knows that it will be bad news. Ethan is there to counsel and console her, adding another event to the never ending Ethan loop.

After awhile it becomes too much, yes, Edenbrook’s future was shaky, yes Kyra’s prognosis, even though she did not have the results yet was bad, however the tipping point was Ethan and the realisation that the feeling she thought she had buried deep were indeed love and not only did they need to have a chat, Casey hoped it would be positive, not because she could sense that he had similar feelings deep down but she knew she did not think she could handle it if the chat went the other way. Casey punched the door and June enters.

“Just great” thought Casey. “The last thing I need.”

Little did she know that June’s proposal would set the train in motion for the talk to occur.

Authors note 2: Yes this is when June puts the idea to Casey to do the heist. Short and sweet today

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @ofmischiefandmedicine @liaromancewriter @a-crepusculo @bex-la-get @crazy-loca-blog @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @potionsprefect @tessa-liam

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

25 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

#3

So I check my phone because I see a comment I posted had been commented on and randomly scroll to find some lovely people and my fave content creators vilified.

I won’t rehash the sentiment about getting some balls and not hiding behind anon or creating an account for the sole purpose because well that has all been done.

I will say this though, we could have chosen to keep our content to ourselves, stop creating when the shitshow of a train wreck that we know as book 3 was released but we did not. I know personally When I embarked on when egos collide, it was initially going to be an AU but there was so many missed opportunities especially with Ethan and Tobias and also Leland that with my initial plan of a redemption arc for E&T that brings down Leland fitted too well with the scant bones of what potentially could have been a good book but I digress.

Even though I am not a prolific content creator, and I am not in the what this person perceived to be some kind of sheep gang, I have never found any of the people named to be anything but what was said

Most of my writing has been a different take o cannon, rewriting 14-20 of book 2 being the first multi part writing I undertook but especially when writing WEC I got inspired to write some fics within canon and I would like to thank @genevievemd for giving me the inspiration and motivation to write Fortune favours the brave.

And as for these people not supporting other content writers- well without @genevievemd I would not have had the medical plot point that was the final takedown of Leland, @jamespotterthefirst your comments give me a boost like nothing else and inspire me to keep going, @jerzwriter for just being an awesome human and a good sounding board

Life is hard, we have all survived the pandemic and to be honest, escaping into our own little corners of the fandom and putting out our own little OH universes helps us escape the reality and helps us unwind.

@jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @liaromancewriter @lucy-268 @potionsprefect @a-crepusculo @bex-la-get @takeharryandgo and the other people mentioned in that hateful post. I love you all and keep up your work and all that you do to help us find some sanity in this crazy world.

26 notes - Posted January 25, 2022

#2

Begin Again

Book: Open Heart book 2

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC Casey Valentine

Category: Angst

Rating: Teen +

Trope: there was hurt and comfort

Warnings: mentions of trauma, mental health, medically assisted suicide,sexual references

Summary: following on from the attack and the beginning of dagger mountain.

Disclaimer: Characters, plot points, dialogue (actual and paraphrased)belong to Pixelberry.

Authors note 1: As most of you are aware, I did a rewrite of chapters 14-20 of book 2. This fic will take you upto where I have started my ch14 rewrite. From ch14 of book 2 onwards, this corner of the fandom oud canon divergent. Many of the main plot points do exist but there are differences.

——-

Ethan waited in the car whilst Casey went up and packed a bag. While he waited he emailed Naveen to state that he was taking a couple of days off at this stage and that he would keep him apprised of any changes. Ethan hoped that she would stay for more than a few days. He did not know how the events of the attack had affected her but he was having nightmares about her not making it. Once awake he could not get back to sleep, it even got to a point where he would go into hospital early and check on Casey himself to ensure it was only a dream.

Casey came back. She hopped into the car and they headed back to Ethan’s apartment. Casey was exhausted, not just physically but mentally too. They arrived at the apartment and got ready for bed. Ethan could see that Casey was looking anxious and a little apprehensive and he asked her what was the matter.

“I am scared Ethan, after the attack I was that exhausted that all I could do was sleep and when that initial exhaustion wore off I was given a sleeper to ensure I slept but this is the first night without them…”

Ethan hugged her and rubbed his hands up and down her back in comfort.

“I understand being scared. I have had nightmares since the attack, mainly a cure not being found in time, whatever happens we will face it together.” Whispered Ethan and he then placed a kiss on the top of her head. Casey smiled weakly and they settled into bed. Casey fell asleep snuggling into him and Ethan lay awake for a while, enjoying the feeling of her beside him. She was alive and breathing and here and in that moment that is all that mattered. He fell asleep. Ethan was eventually awoken but this time it was not his nightmare but Casey thrashing about in her sleep. He let it play out, not wanting to startle her in what appeared to be a nightmare. She shot up all of a sudden. Ethan placed his hand on her arm, Casey stiffened and then relaxed realising she was not in the room but with Ethan. She started crying, Casey kept asking why she survived. Ethan did not know what to say, he knew the how but the why he did not have an answer for. He assured her that he was here and he hugged her tighter as they both fell back to sleep. Mercifully, both fell into a dreamless sleep. Ethan awoke at his usual time but instead of getting up he lay in bed watching over Casey. He contemplated calling his dad to bring Jenner but decided against it, he wanted to fully focus on Casey. Eventually the need for coffee forced him from bed. He reluctantly got up and went to the kitchen. Ethan made two cups, not knowing how long Casey would sleep for. He just sat down when Casey stirred and he offered her coffee. Casey smiled and took a sip.

“Thank you for the coffee.” Casey say’s gratefully. After a few sips Casey asked, “Did I interrupt your sleep last night?”

“There was a point I felt you thrashing about and when you awoke you asked me why you survived, we both went back to sleep but as for major disruption, No.”

Casey sighed with relief.

“That was my first nightmare that I remember having since….it was not like I dreamed of any different scenarios, it was exactly what happened…”

Casey started to cry again and Ethan grabbed her hand.

“I wasn’t in there when the toxin was deployed but I could see how frightened you were. I didn’t have a nightmare about it last night but I have had nightmares too, except, my nightmare involved you not making it.”

Casey hugged Ethan.

“I am here Ethan.” She whispered “I do not know why I survived but I did.”

They stay locked in their somber embrace until Casey’s stomach rumbles.

“Let’s get some breakfast, Casey.”

Ethan cooks some bacon and eggs. Casey asks how long Ethan would like her to stay.

See the full post

26 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Precious

Book: Open Heart (post series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Casey Ramsey

Category: Angsty fluff

Warnings: mentions of a character death, traumatic birth, language.

Summary: The arrival of Hudson Jonah Ramsey.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry.

👶👶👶👶👶👶👶👶👶

June 4th 2025.

Today was Casey’s last day of work before embarking on five months maternity leave. She had received clearance to remain working as far along as she did and she was hopeful to have been able to work remotely for another week but Ethan had put his foot down. He wanted Casey to rest and enjoy some time for herself before Hudson came along. In all honesty Casey was looking forward to the pregnancy to end, even though they had no significant issues, she was done. The lack of sleep due to Hudson kicking or just general discomfort was really getting to her. The nursery was set and all that was needed was Hudson. Casey had started researching ways to bring on labour naturally much to Ethan’s dismay.

“I am anxious to meet him too but surely wouldn’t it be better to let nature take its course?”

“Yes Ethan, you do not have to carry him, get your insides kicked to high heaven, bladder used as a trampoline…”

Ethan cuts her off with a searing kiss. “Hudson will come when he is good and ready.” He whispers in her ear before kissing her.

The next week flies by. Casey starts to get the occasional bout of braxton hick contractions which she finds frustrating more than anything.

The second week drags. Casey’s discomfort level rises. She is more and more anxious for the pregnancy to end. On the evening of the 27th June Casey starts getting contractions. Ethan surprises himself by how calm he is. At 11pm they arrive at the hospital, Casey’s contractions are still seven minutes apart but she is starting to feel nauseous so they are advised to come in. The observations that are done show nothing amiss and Casey is then offered some pain relief. The pain relief works for a time and the labour steadily progresses. At about three am though, the nausea comes back and it is worse. So much so that even Ethan is concerned. Dr Watson comes in and does some more observations. Casey’s blood pressure is starting to spike and the baby is showing early signs of distress. Ethan starts to spiral. The memories of Delores and how she went into full eclampsia surfacing. Try as she might, she was not able to get Ethan to calm down. Casey was stressed also.

“Ethan, I get why you are spiraling but you are no good to me like this.”

This makes Ethan stop and pay attention for which Dr Watson is relieved. Ethan’s medical brain kicks in. Dr Watson advises that they have two options, continue under more stricter observations or have an emergency c-section now. After going through briefly the pros and cons Casey emphatically states that she wants a c-section now. Ethan is quietly relieved that Casey chose this option. Casey is prepped for surgery and Ethan accompanies her.

The c-section goes without a hitch and not long after Hudson Jonah is delivered, Casey’s blood pressure stabilises. While Casey is being stitched up, Hudson is taken away to be weighed and measured and Ethan cut his cord. He is placed on Casey’s chest for some skin to skin time and he starts suckling at Casey’s breast.

Ethan thought the most joyous moment in his life was when Casey said I do but nothing prepared him for the wave of emotion that he was going through. The high and low of their missed miscarriage in 2023, the joy when they found out that this pregnancy stuck and and the sheer relief and joy that they had welcome baby Hudson Jonah to the world. Try as he might, he could not hold back his tears of joy. Casey was exhausted both physically and emotionally but she too was overjoyed. They were eventually taken back to Casey’s room. Ethan stayed with Casey and Hudson. Casey had a well earned rest. Hudson looked so peaceful in his cot. After about an hour, Hudson started to fuss so Ethan picked him up and held him. Hudson calmed down and Ethan spoke to him.

“Welcome to the world Hudson, I am your dad. Both your mother and I are really happy to meet you despite the fright you gave us. We have loved you from when we first found out about you. We both look forward to getting to know you and the man you will become.”

Meanwhile Casey stirred and got even more emotional seeing Ethan holding and talking to baby Hudson.

“Hey Ethan.” She finally says. Ethan is shook from his reverie.

“Did I wake you sweetheart?”

“No, I woke up by myself.” Ethan gives Hudson to her.

“Hey Hudson, I am your mum. Welcome buddy. We already love you so much.” She holds him, looking at him. Ethan sitting beside Casey on the bed and looking longingly at his son. Unbeknownst to both of them Tobias had happened to walk by. He snapped a picture of the moment and sent it to Ethan.

“I never thought I would have seen either of you more in love than in this moment.” Is what he said.

When Ethan finally saw the message he couldn't agree more.

The next five days were a blur of visitors from their friends and Alan as well as Naveen. Casey’s parents were coming a week later which she was thankful for as she wanted some time with Ethan to get into a semblance of a routine. It was exhausting for both of them but neither could be happier that baby Hudson was now, finally in their lives.

See the full post

26 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[hungarianbee]

Way of the Witcher: bits of lore

Disclaimer:  Post contains spoilers to the Witcher games These things may be canon-typical, but the following trigger warnings apply if you want to check out the cards: gore, monster dismemberment, needles, body horror, insects and spiders

“In a world plagued by horrors and monstrosities humanity desperately needed a new type of weapon to turn back the tide. Created by ingenious Alzur, witchers — professional monster slayers of exceptional strength, speed, and agility were tasked to end the threat once and for all. Organized into different schools they honed their craft and passed their knowledge onto novices in training. Some of them were destined to become the legendary heroes and protectors of humanity. Others — the very thing they were supposed to fight…”

Since the gwent expansion was anounced I followed it with rapt attention; every bit of lore is a gem in my eyes. I decided to write down my thoughts of the cards and lore pieces revealed in a post. Share that knowledge around, amirite?

The post references Gwent cards which were leaked (2020 november-december). The theme is mutation and everything that comes with it; namely sweet-sweet lore of the lesser known witcher schools: the Bears, Cats, Vipers and Griffins.

Tucker in, under the cut there is 4.5k analysis of each card that came out.

We’re starting with a theme, then work our way throught the 4 schools (each contain the following:  a leader, a mentor, an adept, a general witcher, a specific job, an item, a school relevant monster, 2  known witchers and a location), then go through a Witcher 1 throwback, Salamandra, and round it with a few new monsters and neutral cards. 

While I describe most of the cards concisely and all the known witchers and locations are on my blog, you might want to look the cards in their (small) glory: [DO IT HERE]

Sounds good? Here we go!

Edit: [this source is better]

The theme is mutation - be it monsters created by transmutation, witchers or salamadra

If that is true, there are monster cards that seemingly stand out: the Succubus and the Phooca

If we are to believe that they do connect to the mutation theme, then

(1) we can conclude that Phoocas (a rare, and more dangerous form of Nekkers; they can pull your head off by sheer force, watch out) are a natural mutation of the original species,

(2) but we’re still left with the Succubi (an inherently demonic creature). They might have chosen it because of its appearance: succubi have horns and goat-like legs. (Note: in the graphic novel “House of Glass” the succubus character has wings, but lacks hooves. In that sense, she could be mutated.)

Breaking it down into factions/schools (some of the cards can be paired up; these cards are interpreted together):

School of the Viper: starting with the vipers, because they are my favourite

Viper Witcher Mentor & Viper Witcher Adept: the flavour text says that the Viper mentors are exceptionally cold and ruthless, and that’s underlined by the story the art tells: the mentor busies himself with sharpening a blade, and in the background we can see the adept attempting to kill his best friend goat, as was ordered. The mentor watches this from the corner of his eye. Young Vipers are to kill their pets (which they nurtured for years) before becoming a fully-fledged witcher. The latter could mean that the boy depicted on the card hasn’t even gone through the Trial of Grasses.

Viper Witcher: On the card we see an unknown Viper crouching over a royalty he killed. I feel like this type of card is meant to represent what we think a general Witcher of said school would be like. Apparently Vipers just like to slay the nobility *shrug*. The flavour text informs us, that Vipers call their two swords “fangs”, and that their style consists of fast and furious attack aimed to overwhelm the enemy.

Viper Witcher Alchemist: Every school has a specialty; Vipers are proficient in potion or poison making. The right side of the alchemist’s face seems to have healed burn marks; a blown up concoction might have caused it.

Ivar Evil-Eye: So far there’s little to know about Ivar. He was either the Master of the Viper Keep, or the founder himself (gwent suggests the latter). He’s described as heavily scarred (facial scars suggests burns and slash marks too), and each of them has a terrible story to tell.

Warritt the All-Seeing: Warritt is a (newly introduced) Viper with heavy disfiguration to the upper part of his face: his eyes are sealed shut (possibly by burn marks, though his hair remains intact). The art shows Warritt drawing a modified version of the Supirre sign in the air to help with his loss of sight. As the wiki says: “Supirre is a Sign used for eavesdropping. Drawn on a solid surface, it allows the people near this surface to listen nearby conversations which would be normally inaudible due to the distance or background noise.” It was only used in Sapkowsky’s second volume of the Hussite trilogy (not yet translated to English), which is entirely separate from the Witcher novels.

Kolgrim: Fate laughed at this Viper. As a kid he was swapped by a weeper, saved by a witcher, than rejected by his own mother who believed that the fake child was the real one. Later, as a grown witcher Ivar instructed him to find a lost weapon diagram. On his journey he was accused - ironically - in White Orchard of kidnapping a child. Invoking a Temerian law, Kolgrim was told to cleanse their crypt (as seen on the card) then he can go. The truth is revealed in Witcher 3 - Kolgrim was beheaded by the villagers before he could even step into the crypt. To add insult to injury: the child was eaten by a drowner. The gwent card therefore shows the optimistic outcome: that Kolgrim reached the crypt and passed in battle. And what’s up with a crypt full of wraiths anyway? White Orchard is shady, guys. (Lil’ trivia: Kolgrim’s eyes are yellow-green.)

Vypper: Basically an overgrown snake that likes damp marshes (they even fight the local kikimores for territory). They only relate to the mutation theme by their nature - they resemble the “school’s animal”.

Gorthur Gvaed: The Bloodgate Keep is located in the chasms of the Tir Tochair mountains. It’s built so high were you to look down from the bridge leading into the keep, you would only see fog (one could wonder how the vipers trained in these conditions). The bridge is made so that you’d have to cross the lookout tower - it might have served as a check in spot. The post itself is circled by the stone coils of a snake; the top is open and has a huge lit bonfire in the middle for warmth-keeping and possibly signaling. Unluckily, it didn’t stop the Usurper’s army from destroying the keep.

Coated Weapons: They leaned heavily into the alchemy and assassin side of the school. Vipers coat their blades with an acidic liquid, so they can kill a man with a nick of it.

School of the Cat:

Cat Witcher Mentor & Cat Witcher Adept: On the adept card we can see a young Cat walking the tightrope blindfolded (they start with close to the ground and slowly increase the distance with time); the mentor is looking up at him. Like the Vipers, Cat mentors are nonchalant about risking the kids as seen from the flavour text: “If you fall, it’s over. Your nine lives are up, kid.” Furthermore, the background of the Cat Witcher Adept card shows the not yet destroyed Stygga Citadel. The Cat Witcher Mentor is in the same scene and we can see lots of potatoes and cabbages; cats definitely eat their veggies.

Cat Witcher: The card shows a Cat in the heat of battle mid-jump; his hood is up, blood is flying everywhere. The flavour text emphasizes that cats are known for their mad bloodlust, not stopping killing even after the enemy capitulated.

Cat Witcher Saboteur: A Cat perches next to the window, a smoking bomb in hand, eavesdropping on nobles. A rope is hung from somewhere out of the pic, possibly for a quick exit. Vesemir comments that these are many-a deeds the cats did that taint the reputation of witchers.

Gezras of Leyda: Gezras is a not yet known redheaded Cat witcher. Following the pattern he seems to be the founder of the Cat School. His flavour text shows that even back then (when the mutagens made Cats emotionless) they were inclined to dislike humans: “Take a contract from Aen Seidhe over a dh’oine any day, as you’re far less likely to receive a knife between the ribs in place of coin.”

Brehen: Now this cat embodies the Cat madness. He’s known as the Cat of Iello because he massacred everyone there. He was consequently shunned by all the schools, and he was even convinced that Vesemir put a kill order on his head. He met Geralt later in the 1240s on his way to claim the bounty for the princess. Thinking that Geralt was there to rob him of his chance of the bounty, Brehen took a priestess as hostage (this is what we see on the gwent card). Geralt managed to convince him to put away the blade, and they parted without crossing blades. When meeting with the striga he scoffed into her face that “she won’t be his first royal”. But his luck ran out. The Temerians buried him and fabricated the story of a cowardly witcher stealing their coin. I’m halfway convinced we see Brehen in the netflix series.

Gaetan: This boy broke into the fandom like a bulldozer. After the folks in Honorton cheated him of his pay and tried to kill him, Gaetan flew into rage and killed everyone there except Millie, a girl who reminded him of his sister. That’s the scene we see on the card. And then Geralt robs/kills him.

Saber-Tooth Tiger (Stealth): Another huge animal/monster related to the school. It’s story is this: “The prized possession of royal menagerie, until a commando of Scoia’tael assaulted the exhibition, released the beast, and set it upon its cruel masters. Since that day, it has acquired a selective taste for human flesh.” Another cat turning against humans.

Stygga Castle: An outside view of what we already saw on the Cat Witcher Adept card. It’s located on a cliff, and the sun shines into it just right (so that the Cats can bask in the light). The walls form a circle where they shelter the inner grounds, and a bigger tower emerges in the middle. The Castle could be reached by the thin bridge connecting it to the mainland, or by the cliffs (if one is brave enough).

Making a Bomb: Cats seem to have a specialty in bombs. Guess where Lambert got his interest from *winkwink*

School of the Griffin: lots of pairs in this one

Griffin Witcher Mentor & Griffin Witcher Adept: Compared to the other schools, this pairing is tame - the adept is climbing a tree to retrieve a crossbow bolt. We can see the mentor in the background. On the mentor card the adept waves down with the retrieved crossbow bolt in hand. It shows a kind of comradeship that’s not present in the other 3 schools. The flavour text emphasizes the importance of knowledge. Students are afforded to choose their final Trial: recite the entire Liber Tenebrum (Book of Shadows; one of Keldar’s favourite books) or steal a griffin’s egg. Noone’s chosen the former.

Griffin Witcher: The witcher is shown shooting down a griffin. According to the flavour text they prefer hunting with silver-tipped arrowheads instead of swords.

Archgriffin & Griffin Witcher Ranger: On the Griffin Ranger card we see the witcher crouching over track marks. On the archgriffin card he found the albino (or very old) monster, who’s already killed someone (probably a lumberjack, judging by the axe). According to the flavour text, Griffin Witchers are trained to be professional trackers; nothing can stop them to reach their prey. Even though archgriffins are considered the embodiment of courage, loyalty and fighting spirit, the gwent card corrects the notion that the Griffin Witcher were named after the monster. In truth, they got the name in honour of their founder’s mentor, a knight named Gryphon.

Erland of Larvik: Continuing the trend, Erland is the founder of the Griffin School (one of the two that are confirmed 100%). He’s from the first generation of witcher, mutated by Alzur himself. After the Order began fracturing he had a confrontation with Arnaghan (who’ll be the founder of the bear school). Arnaghad almost killed one of his brothers, slashed Erland across the face then parted ways with the Order and left Morgraig Castle with his own group. Seeing that the the remaining witchers couldn’t go on like that, he grabbed his 13 best friend and left to Kaer Seren, where (after purging it from spectres) he founded the Griffin School which focused on magic, preparedness and flexibility. His teaching emphasized knightly values (mimicking his long-dead mentor, a knight named Gryphon) in hopes that it would make future witchers’ life easier. It didn’t.

Coen & Keldar: The cards are mainly connected by background. Coen is finished killing what appears to be an albino arachas (but it’s definitely an insectoid), while Keldar’s taking notes. We can rightly assume that he’s updating their bestiary, since he’s one of the teachers/mentors who focus on gathering and sharing knowledge. Coen’s flexibility shows in the flavour text: “There is no such thing as a fair fight. Every advantage and every opportunity that arises is used in combat.” Not very knightly, is it?

Kaer Seren: The “Star Keep” Erland and his friends fled to. It was used by the Order’s mages to mutate witchers (that’s why it was haunted by spectres). It’s located at the edge of the Dragon mountains by the sea between Poviss and Kovir. It’s said to possess the great library, which later mages tried to get for themselves. They messed up: by bringing down an avalanche on the Keep, that knowledge was destroyed. The keep was badly damaged and many witchers died.

Target Practice: The Griffin School’s specialty is their precise aim - they “can split an apple in two from a hundred paces”.

School of the Bear:

Bear Witcher Mentor & Bear Witcher Adept: The adept card shows that young witcher are taught to catch fish by hand (just like their school relevant animal). On the mentor card the elder witcher leads a group of younglings in the mountains; possibly out to teach tracking. The cards are connected by flavour text. The young Bear witcher-would-be’s need to complete the Trial of the Mountain, which consists of them climbing Mount Gorgon (also known as the Devil Mountain; it is the highest peak of the Amell range) to retrieve a runestone. The Trial often ends with the kids frozen to death. The Bear Mentor card’s flavour confirms it: “If you’re unsure of the way, just keep a lookout for markers - the frozen corpses of would-be witchers.” This sounds ominous - don’t they collect their fallen?

Bear Witcher: Bears are solitary hunters as seen in the flavour text: “life alone can be tough”. The witcher in the pic just dismembered what looks like a ghoul (with a tail?).

Bear Witcher Quartermaster: This one I like. The Quartermaster is an amputee (missing one of his arms, which was taken by a bear; must have won that fight one-handed), yet they still found a job for him where he can be useful. His flavour text suggest he likes Mahakam mead.

Arnaghad: The founder of the Bear School, he never felt kinship with his fellow witchers. After attacking a witcher named Rhys over a contract, wounding him deeply from shoulder to waist, he returned to Morgraig, attacked Erland then left with his possé to found the Bear School - Haern Caduch - in the Amell Mountains. Later he almost died in a betrayal, which resulted in another schism and the foundation of the Viper School.

Gerd: Gerd’s a legendary witcher who fled to Skellige after allying with a Usurper instead of his daughter, who later issued a warrant for his arrest. He has a busy time in Skellige: first slaying a dragon, befriending the Jarl Torgeir, killing a bunch of sirens, losing so many weapon diagrams you wouldn’t believe, losing half his pay and silver sword on gwent, escaping Nilfgaard and managing to slay a striga, killing some of his pursuers, only to be caught up in the siege of Torgeir’s castle, where he died in the ruins. On the card he’s showing Bear-typical strength: he’s tearing apart a siren with his bear hands.

Junod of Belhaven: Junod had a dubious background, but was thought to be the child of a brave dwarf and a giantess. He’s a huge man, with a big bushy beard and bald head. His sobriquet is false; he took it after Ivo, because he liked the ring of it. He was known as a strict haggler and a bit of a gambler. In 1243 he took a contract in hopes of cash (he wanted to forge the Grandmaster Ursine Armour). The subterranean monster was said to live in the caverns. Junod drew bear signs and wrote a warning on the wall (this is the scene we see on the card). He was however ill-prepared; the beast turned out to be a shaelmaar (a type of relic Gaetan slew once) that killed him in that very cavern.

Dire Bear: Once again related to the school in question, the Dire Bear is stuck with so much weaponry that it looks like a walking armory. Lots of witchers must have tried to slay it, yet it still kicks - just like Bear Witchers, it’s resilient till the very end.

Haern Caduch: Built into the side of the Amell Mountains, it’s the coldest environment of all the schools. As with the other schools, the Bears were forced out of it due to folk riots. It was left in disrepair to be buried under snow and ice (as seen on the card). It’s name could be translated as “Piercing Whiskers”.

Armor Up: As Bear’s are more likely to stand in the way of attack than dodge, they need to wear a heavy armour at all times.

Salamandra:

Roland Bleinheim & Gellert Bleinheim: Witcher 1 characters. They are thought to be brothers, leading the Salamandra organization. As drug lords one heads the fisstech operation in Vizima’s sewers (Roland), the other in the swamps (Gellert). The flavour text pretty much matches: both of them wondering what the other one is doing.

Salamandra Mage: The art itself was already leaked in China around 2 years back, and there were a few theories. One of them was that the man depicted is Zerrikanian, and I think that’s correct. Both the facial tattoo, darker skin, thinly braided hair and fire magic points in that direction. Azar Javed (a known Salamandra fire mage) happens to be a Zerrikanian escapee too.

Salamandra Lackey: A girl with the Salamandra-stapled mask runs from a city guard. The flavour text says the following: “Lackeys are expected to perform their first five jobs for no pay, demonstrating their passion for the gig.” The organization monitors from the beginning that only those remain who are extremely loyal to their cause.

Fallen Rayla: A little background for those who are unfamiliar with her: Rayla of Lyria was a veteran of the Nilgaardian Wars. She harbours anti-nonhuman sentiments after she was captured by Scoia’taels and severely maimed. The Rayla we see on the card is a mutant - in Witcher 1 she was supposedly shot down by Scoia’tael, and Salamandra found her close to death, subjected her to mutation. She was killed by Geralt.

Salamander: The card shows a bright blue spotted salamander. It has two tails and heads (possibly grown together?). The Salamander is a symbol of the organization. Metaphorically speaking it could mean, that Salamandra thought of itself as something untouchable: “best to avoid petting them, as the salamander, when threatened, secretes a deadly toxin”.

Failed Experiment: The card - ironically - thrives when it’s poisoned. The “experiment” only resembles a human in shape. It’s clutching the table ends, as if trying to escape still.  It’s fair to assume that they later dissected it: “even failed experiments can serve a purpose”.

Salamandra Abomination: A step further from the failed experiment - we see the results of pushing science’s boundaries. Only the skull is left intact, everything else of the body is covered with insectoid-like growths.

Stolen Mutagens: Gruesome organ harvesting. The witcher heart (?) glows, which is either an artistic decision (probable) or the mages sent magic into the body, and the mutagens light up (like angiographia). Three types of mutagens can be harvested: red (strength), blue (magic) or green (resilience). I headcanon that the amount they inject of the three types can vary - that’s how you get strength inclined witchers like the wolves (red), or big ass mothers like the bears (green).

Salamandra Hideout: There are multiple hideouts in Witcher 1 (outskirt of Visima, crypt in sewers and one in the trade quarters). The one depicted here is the fisstech lab in the sewers. It shows a dimly lit, cobwebbed room. There’s an elevation where a body lays on the table. The elevation’s floor is gridded, so the blood and other fluids can freely flow down into the sewer water, where many bodies are already discarded recklessly.

Neutral:

Alzur & Viy & Koshchey: Alzur was a charismatic mage and spell inventor, who created many horrible monsters, like the koshchey (with the spell: Alzur’s Double Cross) and the Viy (a huge centipede-like insectoid). He was also the one who did the lion’s share of work with the witcher’s mutation.

Cosimo Malaspina: Cosimo was the teacher of Alzur. He was known for his knowledge in hybridization and genetic modification. Him and Alzur were the true creators of the witchers sect. On the gwent card, three man are shown prodding at a mutated body. Cosimo (the old dude) is in the middle, Alzur might be the one on the left and that leaves Idarran on the right. His flavour text paints him as cold and clinical, someone without empathy: “Children keep asking him for gifts. He doesn’t know why, but it really helps with finding subjects for his experiments.”

Idarran of Ulivo & Idr & Wererat: Idarran was one of the contributers of the witcher experiments. He’s an expert in hybridization and genetic modification, whose teacher was Alzur. He was a pale kid who lived in the canals of Vizima and experimented on rats at the age of 5. He found beauty in gruesome creations, like the Wererat (a human-sized rat on roids) and the Idr (a big centipede-like insectoid). He’s disdained by Geralt for his many monsters.

Triangle within a Triangle: It’s a magic spell used to introduce a series of mutations and to greatly increase the mass of a given body. That way they can create huge monstrosities, like the koshchey. Adepts often confuse it with a pentagram which can lead to infernal disasters.

Selective mutation: The card shows a close up of a young man’s eyes - one mutated (catlike) one human. His skin shows his high toxicity level, ashen with prominent veins. He’s held down as alchemists prepare to inject a yellow concoction into the human eye. It’s possible that after the success of witchers the mages tried to recreate the changes in smaller scale, then unmake it in turn, unsuccessfully.

Witcher Student: This is not really a card, but I included it anyway. The card’s ability is - ironically - doomed, and to add insult to injury, its flavour text is the following well-known fact: “Four out of ten boys survive… at most.” It’s also a point for black humour that the gwent commentators added: the Trial of Grasses card boosts this unit significantly.

Berengar: He’s a Wolf School Witcher who blamed his school for denying him a normal life and consequently abandoned them. In Witcher 1 Geralt can decide to kill or spare him. In a letter he admits that he was a coward because he betrayed Kaer Morhen and worked with Salamadra in hope that they can undo his mutation. His card references a questline in Witcher 1, where he tried to reason with the vodyanoi (~lovecraftian fish people) to spare the village’s prize-winning cow, named Strawberry. This is non-canon; in the game Geralt takes over the quest to do this instead.

Leo: Another Witcher 1 character. He was an orphan taken in by Vesemir. He was a kind-hearted but hot-headed man, who had all the training but not the mutations and the experience - he never killed a man. The flavour text of his gwent card kind of mocks his death: “He would have caught the arrow if he only had some heads-up.” He’s burned on a pyre and his cenotaph can be found south of Kaer Morhen.

Geralt: Quen: The last classical sign that wasn’t yet a card. In the art, Geralt is wearing the Manticore armour

Snowdrop: She’s a not yet seen character; impish looking female bard with light blond hair (flowers braided on the side) who plays a medieval version of the fiddle to a rooster. There’s a horseshoe hanging from the hem of his pants. She’s also seen in the gwent: journey #3 launch trailer. She’s narrating that she was saved by Alzur. Alzur told her about his plans of creating witchers to fight the beasts of the Continent, and she admired him so much she spread his story (”let me tell you about the greatest sorceress to ever lived”). Their story will unveil in the next week, I’ll probably update accordingly. It’s also interesting that Alzur says in the gwent intro (regarding witchers): “Bards will toil to do justice to their feats.” As if his own successes and experiences will be mirrored in his creations. Projecting much?

Monsters:

Viy & Idr: both of them are centipede-like insectoids conjured by infamous mages (see: Alzur and Idarran)

Wererat: same can be said about this one. Idarran experimented on Vizima’s sewer rats since the age of 5. This human sized abomination was the end result.

Succubus: We already discussed how the “Succubus” doesn’t fit the theme. Other interesting thing is the surrounding of her - in the background we can see a skull full of some kinda of dark liquid; she’s also holding a goblet. I’m not saying she’s drinking blood, but if she does, it would shed some questions as succubi don’t need to drink blood at all.

Phooca: As nekkers’ rare big brother, phoocas are ogroids that have the strength to rip a man’s head off with their bear hands. According to the wiki, in Celtic folklore they are regarded as shapeshifting fairies.

Koshchey: A witcher 1 boss, koshcheys are spider-like abominations summoned by mages. The woman standing her ground in the picture is Visenna (Geralt’s druid mom). In the story she’s the one to kill the first koshchey ever created.

Spontaneous Evolution: Under the Red Moon the wolf mutated into an amalgamation of eyes and teeth. Malaspina possibly added something to the mix that proved unstable. The card’s name is kind of ironic - this change is not spontaneous (it was induced) but could be related to evolution (it would imply that this form is somehow advantageous to the current environment and helps adaptation). (Note: in my opinion spontaneous generation would be a better term: it’s the thought that living creatures could arise from nonliving matter.)

Hybrid: the card shows a two-headed wolf or dog. Pretty straight-forward.

Chimera: A creature created my Cosimo Malaspina. He combines the genes of a fiend and griffin, then added a trace of insectoid and wyvern. It kind of looks like a furred wyvern with antlers. Interestingly the frightener (an insectoid; a rare result of magical experiment) is also called a chimera.

Dol Dhu Lokke: a new monster lair location. The depending on how you translate “lokke” the Elder can be read as “black valley place” or “alluring black valley”. It’s so dangerous - housing many-a horrors - that even a witcher thinks twice before going near it.

Interesting tidbits

Coen has hair, which is weird because so far he was described in all sources as bald.

There used to be a card  that was also called Viper Witcher, which is now referred to as “Kingslayer”

The Bear Witcher’s face was drawn after one of CDPR’s employee.

The Koshchey’s card title has a typo: “Koschchey”.

Easter eggs (mainly in flavour text)

The Spontaneous Evolution card references The Powerpuff Girls intro: “Professor Malaspina accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction - compound X.”

The Bear Witcher card might reference a song of Baloo from the Jungle Book (The Bare Necessities): “Life alone on the road can be tough - be sure to bring all the bare necessities.”

[searchingwardrobes]

Valentine Throwbacks: Day 5

This is another one that was written for the Valentine’s Day Prompts back in 2018. This was for Day One: Secret Admirer. I’m posting it last because it has a part two which I’ll post later.

I really wanted it to be Emma who is the secret admirer because all the fics I've read in this genre has Killian as the secret admirer. So I was going through the Chick-fil-A drive thru, mulling over how closed-off Emma could actually do that, and . . . well, this happened. I didn’t realize when I wrote this that the kind of drive thru at our Chick-fil-A was a prototype and not found anywhere else. Basically, instead of driving up to a window, there’s this open area where they just walk out and give you your food.

**Please note: I have made no attempts to hide that this story takes place at a Chick-fil-A. I have tagged it accordingly here and on Ao3. If you have a problem with Chick-fil-A, please just skip this story.**

Summary: Emma Swan is slightly embarrassed to admit that she sometimes goes through the Chick-fil-A drive thru twice a day. She's even more embarrassed to admit she's leaving anonymous notes for the owner-operator, Killian Jones.

Nominated for Best Captain Swan Modern AU One-Shot in the OUAT Fandom Awards 2018

Rated: G

Words: about 3k

Also on Ao3

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Emma Swan was not a people person. It was for this reason that the Chick-fil-A drive-thru wasn’t her sort of thing. You had to talk – face to face – with at least four people just to get your food. And they asked for your name at the beginning of the entire process. Then everyone afterwards actually used it, with a mega-watt smile on their faces. And Emma Swan never would understand the Southern phenomenon of tacking “Miss” on the front of a person’s first name. Miss Swan, she understood. Miss Emma? Not so much.

But she had to hand it to those cheery employees walking up and down the line with their i-Pads. They were efficient. Which was one of the reasons Emma put aside her anti-social ways on her way to work. No matter how much of a hurry she was in, she could count on Chick-fil-A. She could be in and out of that line in five minutes flat.

Then there was the coffee. Sustainably sourced by local farmers. Or something. There was a big poster about it in the lobby. All Emma knew was that it was damn good, especially for a fast food place. And then there were chickin-minis. She had Mary Margaret to blame for getting her hooked on those. Or more accurately, her four year old son Leo. Tiny nuggets wrapped in tiny fluffy biscuits. Where had those been all her life? It was her new favorite food. Okay, breakfast food. Grilled cheese and onion rings still held the one and two spot.

So she gladly put up with the bright smiles and the over-the-top hospitality for a decent breakfast a couple of times a week. Or three. Okay, four max.

But she was not going to be one of those people who had drunk the kool-aid and made odes to how wonderful Chick-fil-A was on You Tube. And then Mary Margaret had to go and introduce her to the sweet iced tea.

“You can’t re-locate to Georgia and not drink sweet tea,” she had argued with Emma while practically shoving the straw in her mouth.

“So what next, MM? I have to start monogramming my towels?”

But she had begrudgingly took a sip anyway, and there was no turning back. Then she discovered the lemonade, and the cookies and cream milk shake. Some days, she was hearing “It’s been a pleasure to serve you, Miss Emma” twice in twelve hours.

She was one “Eat Mor Chikin” cow from making a You Tube video while holding a Styrofoam cup with a red straw.

To make her obsession even more embarrassing, it led – albeit indirectly – to her being an actual- to-God secret admirer. Who left anonymous love notes. Seriously. What had she become?

Killian Jones, according to his name tag, was the owner-operator of Emma’s neighborhood Chick-fil-A. She had figured immediately that he wasn’t just a regular burger- er – chicken sandwich flipper because he was wearing slacks and a navy blue button down shirt – no tie. His chest hair must need plenty of breathing room because he always had at least the first five buttons of his shirt undone (not that she was counting or anything). The first morning they met, he hadn’t started out on the best foot, inadvertently insulting her food preferences.

When he handed Emma her food, Killian Jones had leaned over slightly to glance in her back seat, simultaneously handing her a coupon.

“We’re doing a special promotion today. Would your little one like a gift card for a free cone?”

His words sort of trailed off when he saw that the backseat was empty. Emma had barked out a wry laugh.

“Uh, there’s no kid back there. Sorry.”

“My apologies,” he muttered as he stood quickly, his face flaming and his hand lifting to rest behind his ear, “I just assumed. You ordered the chicken minis, and usually people get those for their kids . . . “

Normally, Emma would have been insulted, but he seemed so genuinely embarrassed, that she simply chuckled. “Well, I have been told that I have the appetite of a twelve year old.”

The smile that he gave her was lopsided and almost sinful. He arched a very expressive brow, and leaned towards her open window with a conspiratorial whisper. “I must admit, I rather fancy them myself. I mean, they’re chicken nuggets in little biscuits. What’s not to love?”

“I know, right? It’s revolutionary.”

They gazed at one another way longer than necessary, threatening to bring imbalance to the well-oiled drive thru machine. Killian blinked, as if suddenly remembering where he was, awkwardly cleared his throat, and then handed Emma her coffee.

“It’s been a pleasure to serve you. God bless.”

In a slight daze, Emma took the coffee, noting the brush of his fingers against hers like she was some fifteen year old with a crush. It wasn’t until she was driving away that his accent registered with hers. Instead of a southern drawl, it had been a lilting Irish accent.

Intriguing.

********************************************************

Later that day, Emma’s hand literally shook as she took the Styrofoam cup of lemonade from the drive thru. For a brief moment, she considered chickening out – pun completely intended – but then shook off her fear and resolutely snatched the envelope from the passenger seat of her Bug.

“Could you give this to your owner-operator?”

“Okay,” the girl server said with a smile and a nod as she took the note, “we always like to hear how we can better serve our customers. Is there anything I can do to make your experience here better?”

“Oh,no!” Emma said quickly, making a quick slashing motion with her hand. “It isn’t a complaint. Quite the opposite actually. Just . . . “ she nervously bit her lower lip, “don’t tell him my name or . . . anything. Okay?”

The girl gave a slightly different smile this time as she pocketed the note. “Sure thing, ma’am.”

Emma couldn’t tell if the smile was just relief or a kind of knowing. Maybe the girl thought it was Emma giving her boss her phone number. Maybe women were frequently passing notes to Killian Jones. She wouldn’t be surprised. Emma’s face flamed red as she drove away.

It wasn’t like it was that kind of note. All it said was, “You made a hectic morning bearable. Thank you.” For a company that emphasized customer service so much, it was really just a thumbs up for a job well done. Like a positive review on Amazon. Nothing more.

********************************************************

Killian Jones was there again when Emma stopped to get a quick breakfast. This time, he arched a knowing brow when her yellow Bug pulled up to the curb.

“Ah, Miss Emma Swan once again. Your chicken minis, m’lady, and I must say, a fine dining choice for a woman of mature tastes.”

He gave a mock bow as he passed the bag through the window, and Emma was mortified when a giggle made its way past her lips. He waggled his eyebrows at her, to which she rolled her eyes. Yet, he had remembered her.

She cleared her throat as she took the bag, and then asked him, “I was wondering about the accent. Isn’t it the wrong one?”

At first, he furrowed his brow. “The wrong one . . . oh! You mean, as in, why don’t I go around saying mornin’ ma’am, or ya’ll have a good day now?”

Emma giggled again at his horrible impression of a Southern accent and shook her head. “Yeah, that’s what I mean. Your accent is . . . Irish?”

“Aye. And if you’re wondering how I ended up in Atlanta, well, the short version is I came across the pond as a kid.”

Emma nodded. It was about all she was going to get. She was sitting in a drive thru with at least half a dozen other cars behind her. So she simply nodded, tilted her head in a way that was only slightly flirtatious and said, “I like it.”

*****************************************************

The rest of the day sucked, to put it bluntly. The scumbag she was staking out took hours to show up, she twisted her ankle chasing him down, and she never did get to eat lunch. So today was a cookies and cream milkshake type of day.

And today the note she asked the girl at the drive thru to pass along to Killian Jones said, “I’m glad you moved here. It’s a long way from Ireland, but . . . welcome home – I hope.”

******************************************************

“Is that required?”

On this particular morning, it was pretty cold outside, and Killian had kept his banter at a minimum as he handed Emma her order. So maybe she was grasping at straws for a little interaction. Or maybe it was a legitimate question.

“Is what required?” he asked, both eyebrows jumping slightly.

“God bless,” Emma clarified, “everyone here says it. Is it company policy or something?”

Killian shrugged, “Sort of. I mean, not officially. You can’t make someone use religious language, of course. But we’re encouraged to if it’s something we believe in.” He pulled the collection of necklaces he always wore around his neck free from his pea coat and scarf. He grasped a pendant shaped like a cross and waved it at Emma. “And I’m a good Irish Catholic boy.”

The smile he gave her belied his words, especially when his tongue darted out to swipe at his bottom lip. Emma cocked her head to the side and gave him a teasing smile.

“Not so sure you’re always a good boy.”

He leaned down, lowering his voice to a timbre that did something to Emma’s insides. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Emma rolled her eyes as he leaned back with a triumphant grin. Then his features became suddenly sincere.

“However, Swan, I do wish you every blessing. I mean that.”

**************************************************

The cold weather made it a “second cup of coffee in the afternoon” sort of day. But she had brought in a skip so easily she could have done it blind-folded, her little nephew Leo stopped by her office with a picture he drew of the two of them in preschool, and Mary Margaret insisted she come over that night for David’s famous chili.

And Killian Jones wished her every blessing.

On today’s note, Emma wrote, “You make me smile. That’s rare. Thank you. (Or should I say, God bless?)”

She had hesitated including that last line. After all, she didn’t want to give herself away. But was there any harm in dropping a hint or two? She shook her head, sealed the envelope, and passed it off to the girl who received all of her notes for Killian. Emma now knew her name – Holly.

And did Holly just wink when she took her note?

*************************************************

“Lovely as always, Miss Swan.”

Killian’s hand lingered as he passed Emma her coffee. She blinked and opened her mouth to say something, and –

Jumped a foot in the air when the SUV behind her honked. She and Killian both laughed, and he shuffled backwards, his face turning red. His smile was a broad one that dimpled both cheeks and crinkled the corners of his eyes.

That day, Emma’s note read, “I find myself looking forward to your smiles. You’ve got a great one, but you’ve probably heard that before. Anyway, just wanted to let you know it always brightens my day.”

**************************************************

Today it was raining, and yet the employees of Chick-fil-A were still there, bravely traversing the drive-thru line in ponchos, their i-Pads encased in water proof plastic. Killian stood huddled beneath the awning at the service door, in a thick navy blue raincoat. Raindrops had gathered on his eyelashes, making the blue of his eyes sparkle in the gray misty haze of the Georgia rain.

“Wow,” Emma quipped when he handed her the to-go bag, “this is dedication. And still telling me, it’s a pleasure to serve you.”

His eyes seemed to light up even more as he smiled at her. “For you, Swan, it is more than a pleasure.”

That day, her note read, “Your blue eyes make a rainy day a little brighter.”

It was the most blatantly flirtatious note she had left, but she no longer cared.

************************************************

“Your accent is the wrong one too, you know.”

Emma smiled broadly as she leaned against the open window of her Bug. Killian made no move to give her her food, swinging the bag idly in his hand. She shrugged.

“Yeah, I moved around a lot growing up. Minnesota. Portland. I moved here a few months ago. I had been living in Tallahassee, but my foster sister wanted me here to be close to family. There’s way more work here in bail bonds anyway.”

Killian nodded as he handed her the bag of chicken minis and her coffee. “Well, Swan, welcome home . . . I hope.”

He winked before turning his back to receive the next order. Emma’s jaw dropped, but she had the sense to ease out of the line and onto the highway.

Did he know? To test it out, her note to him that day read, “I’ve never really felt at home anywhere. This is getting close. You’ve helped make it feel that way.”

**************************************************

Emma was only half listening to Mary Margaret as she set the table in her and David’s eat-in kitchen. Their house was small, but quaint, and was in a great neighborhood. They had been willing to buy a smaller house rather than keep renting in the apartment complex, knowing the back yard and park down the street were better for Leo. It worked out for Emma too, as she spent way more time here than in her lonely one bedroom apartment.

Mary Margaret was lecturing Emma about something – probably about how she ought to be more social – but Emma’s mind was on Killian Jones. Had he gotten her latest note yet? Would he figure out who she was? If so, would he think she was a total stalker?

“ . . . so since you keep giving me excuses, I just decided to ask Killian over for dinner tonight.”

The name tore Emma immediately from her daydreaming. “I’m sorry? What did you say?”

Mary Margaret shook her head at Emma. “I said set one more place because I invited that guy I told you about over for dinner.”

Emma set down the stack of forks she had been laying at each place and waved both hands back and forth. “Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You said his name was, what?”

Mary Margaret had been going on and on about her and David’s former neighbor at the apartments and how he would be perfect for Emma. But surely that couldn’t be the same Killian as her drive-thru Killian. Could it? Okay, so Killian wasn’t exactly a common name . . .

“Killian Jones,” Mary Margaret answered with an exasperated sigh.

Emma shook her head rapidly. “Killian Jones? What . . . what does he do for a living?”

Mary Margaret grabbed the forks Emma had abandoned. “He’s the owner-operator of the Chick-fil-A near here. I was going to introduce you the day you went with me and Leo, but Killian was at some training thing at corporate.”

Emma grabbed the back of a chair as the room started to spin. Crap. She had to go and open herself up in that damn note today. And Mary Margaret just had to invite him over for dinner, tonight of all nights.

This was going to be interesting.

*****************************************************

Killian was just as surprised as she was when he arrived at the Nolans. Apparently, Mary Margaret had gushed on about her “sister,” but had failed to mention a name. They told Mary Margaret and David about their interactions in the drive thru, and everyone had a good laugh about it. What a small world! How ironic! That sort of thing. Killian seemed no different than normal. Maybe he hadn’t gotten the note yet?

Emma, on the other hand, was wound tight. Maybe things had been more comfortable between them when there was a car door and a time restraint. Or maybe it was all those stupid notes hanging over Emma’s head. Whatever it was, it made Emma’s face feel like it was stuck in a perpetual blush. She couldn’t think of a damn thing to say, and Mary Margaret and David were not-so-subtly trying to play matchmaker as they attempted to steer the conversation Emma’s way. But all she could do was give one word answers and stare at her plate.

“Well,” Killian said with a satisfied sigh, “I can’t tell you Mary Margaret how delicious this was. Working at a restaurant all day, the last thing I feel like doing when I get home is cook. This was amazing, really.”

Mary Margaret beamed at his compliment. “Well, we are pleased to have you. You should come over more often. We miss you. Right, David?”

“Yeah,” David chuckled, shoving Killian’s shoulder, “I’ve got no one to watch hockey games with anymore. It’s not really a popular sport around here.”

“The notes were from me,” Emma blurted out.

Everyone immediately fell silent at Emma’s completely out of context outburst. Except for Leo, who ran his fork across his plate with a loud screech and demanded to know what was for dessert.

Emma lifted her gaze from her lap to meet Killian’s. “The notes that kept arriving at Chick-fil-A in the afternoons? They were all from me.” She let out a long, shaky breath.

“I know,” was all Killian said in response.

Emma’s eyes widened. “I – I thought you might. When did you figure it out?”

He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I suspected, or hoped, it was you from the start. You see, every note corresponded with our morning interactions. But of course, today confirmed it. I was testing you by quoting one of your notes, and then when the note this afternoon was about home . . . “

He trailed off, a grin splitting his face.

“You hoped it was me from the start?”

He nodded, and Emma just sat there grinning right back at him like a fool. Mary Margaret hurriedly jumped from the table, scooping up Leo.

“Hey!” the little boy protested. “What about dessert?”

“We’ll eat cookies in front of the TV,” Mary Margaret muttered in response, “David, now.”

Killian and Emma chuckled as their matchmakers hurried from the kitchen. Emma felt as nervous as she had been back in junior high when she went to her first school dance. Killian rose from his seat across from her and came to take the seat beside her. They both shifted their chairs to be a little closer.

“I felt something between us the moment I first saw you,” Killian said.

“You mean when you offered my non-existent kid a free ice cream cone?”

Killian chuckled and ducked his head. How a man could be so sexy, cocky, and bashful all at the same time was incredibly endearing. He lifted his eyes to meet hers, a silent question passing between them. Emma nodded imperceptibly as they both leaned towards one another. When Killian’s lips met hers, the contact was charged with an intense attraction she had never felt before.

Except when his fingers had brushed hers in the drive thru.

Those fingers now carded through her hair as she tilted her head to deepen the kiss. His lips were soft against hers, but his kisses were firm and passionate. His other hand came up to gently caress her face, his thumb tracing her jaw and coming to rest on her chin. Emma pulled back, giving him a shy smile, which he returned. Then they resumed kissing, their tongues entwined in a dance so perfect, it felt as if they had been molded to fit together. When they finally parted, they were breathing heavily. Emma rested her forehead against his and sighed in complete contentment.

“Emma,” he murmured. God, she loved the way he said her name!

“Yeah,” she mumbled back dreamily.

“It’s definitely been a pleasure to serve you.”

[thehammondlegacy]

Our Willow Creek Royals’ One Year Anniversary!!! - A Big Rewind

We have done it!! Today is my blog’s one year anniversary and I cannot believe we have reached this moment! We all know this has been a tragic year with the Co-vid19 hitting the world, the cruel murder of George Floyd, the fires in Australia, Brazil and Argentina, and so many more tragic situations. However, I always try to look on the bright side and I have to say that writting this blog for you is the brightest things I had this year. So thank you so much for sticking with me for a whole year! I hope you are all doing well at home ♥ 

So because my blog is now one year old, I wanted to go back to the most important moments of the Hammond Family with a little insight to the planning and writting. There are A LOT, so I may divide this rewind into four posts, so you don’t get too overwhelmed. At the end of the rewind, I’ll be sharing with you a gift for this holidays and to celebrate the anniversary :) The first three pictures you can see above are my first three portraits, back when Emilia was the Queen and Margaret was a cute toddler. I’m going to share some of the first moments here today for your to review. I hope you like it!!

1) Andrew being introduced to the realm: So you all may already noticed but Andrew is probably my favourite character from his generation. Of course, everyone doesn’t agree with me because of his past with the ladies, but Andrew is a good man, and I was very happy when he came to this world :P

2) Henry’s coronation: Ok, THIS EVENT! My god, it was a real challenge back then! I had no idea of how to make a coronation, and I didn’t even know if any other royal simblrs (at the time we were 7 I think!) to send their sims, so I was so nerveous and stressed!! Here is were I have to thank four people that really inspired me and helped through this first year, and those simblrs are: @thesimmonarchy​, @royaltysimblr​, @thesimpireblr​ and @batsfromwesteros​ I mean, I only had 60 followers back then (which was unbelievable to me!) and, to be honest, I didn’t think they will agree on working with me, but they did!! This was my first royal event ever and I’m so grateful to all the four of you for sending your sims ♥ 

3) Isabella’s first portrait with the family: And then there were three!! Believe it or not, after Andrew was born, I didn’t plan this particular pregnancy! As you may have noticed at my throwback series with Henry and Sofia, there is post where Henry is talking to Sofia’s belly (to Margaret) and he mentions that they will only have two kids. HA! Well, that was my plan! But these two did what they pleased! Something that I really like is to let te game decide some parts of the story cause, otherwise, it stops being fun to me. So we could say Isabella was a beautiful accident, lol.

4) Margaret becomes the Crown Princess / First Royal Portrait: Ahhh my Crown Princess! For a moment, my story was all about Margaret, wasn’t it? Well, I have to say that I really enjoyed playing with teen Margaret, and now I get to play with her once more with the new throwback series :) 

5) Emilia’s passing: No body probably cares about this after I’ve shown you how cruel this sim was to our good old Henry, but this death OMG!! I was so depressed! Emilia was the first sim that I saw being born in the story, and her death was so sad to me! (I know she looks different from the throwback series, but I was using anothe skin overlay back then, and I changed it for the series.)

6) Margaret’s first visit to Oasis Springs: Oh, the moment! So, this is the moment I’m currently showing you with the new throwback series. Margaret visited Oasis Springs with her great aunt Amelia, and she met Cristobal then. They actually met when they were kids, but it was a formal situation, so it doesn’t count. I was so scared when I introduced Cristobal to all of you because of what was going to happen later on, but you were all very happy with him.

7) Margaret and Cristobal dating: And of course, they dated for like 3 sim years? Timing is not really my thing :P So, this was the time when things started to go wrong, actually. We all know the story, BUT what I had in mind was totally different back then. I was actually going to kill Cristobal in order to ruin Margaret’s life. Yeah, I was so mean! But then I changed my mind and decided to do something... less painful? I recently used this with Isabella’s boyfriend Logan. 

8) Henry and Sofia welcome the twins: Again, another pregnancy! So, as you know, I play with several households cause there’s no way all my characters can live in the same house, so when I’m done playing with one I move to the other. I was playing with George’s household, and then I came back to Henry’s and - shocking!- Sofia was pregnant again! I don’t know if this happens to every other creator, but that’s what usually happens to me. I leave to play with another household, and when I come back, someone is pregnant! Anyway, the twins were born and that was another big surprise. 

8) Andrew becoming a teen: This was the moment when people started to notice Andrew, lol. So, you probably don’t remember, but one mystery follower had a crush on Andrew, this person would usually send anons asking about him or throwing shade at his girlfriends. 

9) The twins’ first portrait with the family: I love this portrait, even though the lighting is terrible! I remember thinking “This is it! This is the complete royal family!” But I didn’t know of Henry and Sofia’s plans!!

10) Cristobal’s engagement to Alice: And I guess the 10th moment goes to Cristobal and his engagement to poor Alice Stone (she wasn’t poor, she had a horrible marriage.) How could we forget about the time when Prince Cristobal announced his engagement to Alice on the same day Margaret turned 21?! This was something I hated doing, but that really boosted the interaction with you guys! After this, a lot of people started sending asks and throwing hate at Cristobal and his family. Well, you may do that again since we are going to see this from the inside on the new throwback series!  

To be continued. 

[thedarkplume]

Throwback Thursday

Dust off those browsers, friends. We’re gonna travel back in time to the stories that brought us into the fandom or the ones that have stuck with you through the years.

Share your super old faves and reblog them, showing the authors their classics are not forgotten. Leave them a love note showing them how much it means to you.

Then reblog the first story you wrote for your current fandom or even the first one you wrote for each fandom you belong to. The world is our oyster. Let’s rediscover some pearls.

I'm not going to lie. This Ask made me a little bit sad. There have been some really great writers on this site that have left us for unspecified reasons, and some for the childish bullying that seems to be a daily thing.

One of my favorite blogs was @chocolatecherubs. They were a blog that was written specifically for black female characters in the Marvel Universe, with Steve and Bucky as the central love interests, particularly during the 1940s.

However, all is not lost! There are still plenty of blogs that I follow and love and can always count on to provide the most entertainment you can achieve without picking up an actual book. One of the blogs who always delivers on this front regardless of the subject matter is the beautiful and talented @avintagekiss24 . I've been following her for a year and it has been a nonstop rollercoaster of fun, excitement, surprise, and even a little bit of heartbreak.

@avintagekiss24 has so many stories that I reread over and over again, it's nearly impossible to pick just one. But...if I did have to choose a classic in a split-second decision it would be Night Shift. This was my first time ever reading a story about Andy Barber and since then I have not stopped!

As for my own forays into fanfiction, I've written for Twilight, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Cruel Intentions, a few WIPs for We Have Always Lived in the Castle, Knives Out, and the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and that's not counting all of the stories knocking around in my head vying for attention!

Here is a VERY old Buffy the Vampire Slayer story I wrote.

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pairing: Buffy/Angelus

Setting: 1700s, New Colonies

A/N: This story is a little different from the others I’ve written. This story is set in the days of Angelus’ life when Drusilla had just turned Spike. Bear with me if everything is not exactly up to par historically – I am not a history buff! NSFW 18+ Warnings for offensive language, subject matter, violence, blood, gore, and sexual abuse.

His features could not be termed uninteresting—there lay in them something bold and daring—but the expression on the whole anything but benevolent. There were contempt and sarcasm in the cold dark eyes, whose glance, however, was at times so piercing that no one could endure it long.

from The Mysterious Stranger (1860) – Anonymous

What is obsession? Is it the madness that consumes a man when he’s confronted with the one thing he knows he is not supposed to have? Is it the burning desire to possess the aforementioned object, ensuring that she will only think of him as he only thinks of her? Angelus paced back and forth in his chosen room of the mansion. Darla was still off reconnecting with Dracula and giving Angelus some much-needed breathing room. While she was off having her own adventures, he moved his childe and grandchilde to the American Colonies. They were in the colony named New York. Angelus loved the New Colonies. The women were not as sexually repressed, and the humans as a whole were more trusting. Since their arrival, government officials, writers, artists, scholars – everyone who held wealth and power had invited Angelus, his “sister” Drusilla and her husband William, to parties. There was nothing Angelus enjoyed more than drunk socialites.

And it was at one of these parties that he saw her. The object of his obsession. Elizabeth Anne Summers. Buffy, to those who knew her intimately. She had long, golden blonde hair, not unlike Darla’s, but hers had more of a silky texture. Her eyes were large and hazel, brimming with innocence. She had sun-kissed skin that seemed to glow underneath the moonlight.

Angelus wanted her. He wanted to bury his fangs and his cock inside her. Her scent proved that she was untried, but that would only last so long. Angelus found out everything he could about her. She was promised to the governor’s son. She lived with her parents Hank and Joyce Summers. She had a baby sister – Dawn – who caught pneumonia and died at the age of six. Her father worked as a developer for the colony and his wife owned a prominent boutique. She had two best friends, Willow Osbourne née Rosenberg and Alexander Harris, husband to the beautiful and licentious Cordelia Harris née Chase.

The first time Angelus spoke to her was at a party that was thrown by an oil barren. Angelus, as usual, found himself surrounded by three potential meals. Drusilla stood by William’s side, smiling proudly as he recited poetry. It was terrible, but the women thought it was the most beautiful thing they had ever heard.

“Do you hunt, Mr. McConroy?” one of the women – Mrs. O’Hara or something or another – said, pulling him from his thoughts.

Angelus flashed an enticing smile. “Why yes, Mrs. O’Hara. ‘Tis one of my many pleasures.”

She wet her lips and fluttered her eyes in what he was sure was meant to be attractive. “Well, in that case, you should come to my husband’s estate in the country. You two can hunt and later you could tell me more about your pleasures.”

“How can a man of sound mind resist such an enticing offer?” he said, kissing the back of her hand.

The woman continued to place unnecessary hints concerning secret rendezvous and Angelus almost lost control and snapped her neck on the spot until one of the younger women spoke up.

“There’s that Elizabeth Summers.”

Angelus’ attention immediately shifted, seeking out his dark obsession. She came in with her parents. Her large hazel eyes seemed sad, and Angelus suddenly wanted to seek out that which had caused her misery and destroy it. He wanted to be the sole source of any pain she felt. But he could not gaze upon his obsession in peace as one of the three women continued her verbal assault.

“How a strange girl like that was lucky enough to have a contract with Governor Finn’s son is baffling.”

“She is a strange one, Harmony,” Cordelia Harris vehemently agreed. “My husband says that she spends all of her time reading. Reading! Have you ever heard of such a thing?”

“Well, I hear that she wishes to become a writer! As if any respectable man would want anything written by a woman! A proper lady should spend her time learning to attend a household and concern herself with pleasing her husband.”

“Yes, well, we all know that Buffy,” she sneered the name. “Is as far from a lady as one can be. It baffles me why Alexander enjoys her company so. It’s embarrassing!” she glared as said husband made his way over to Buffy.

“I see nothing wrong with a properly educated woman, Mrs. Harris,” Angelus said, drawing their attention away from Buffy. “It would be refreshing to hear a woman contribute something to the conversation beyond how pretty the dresses are overseas.”

Cordelia Harris’ expression darkened so that if Angelus had been human, he might have been afraid. “Well,” she sniffed, highly offended. “It is upon the hour, and I believe I shall take my leave.” She stood and scowled at Angelus when he broke societal conventions and refused to stand when she did. “I bid you goodnight, Mrs. O’Hara, Harmony, Mr. McConroy.”

“Mrs. Harris,” his flourishing bow was meant and taken in all its mockery. He smirked as she huffed and stomped away. He watched her approach Buffy and Alexander, and used his enhanced hearing to listen in.

“…husband and I must be going,” she said in a clipped tone.

Buffy knew that her friend’s wife didn’t like her, but for Xander’s sake, she at least made an effort. “I am sorry that you must be leaving so soon. I hope you will feel well, Cordy.”

“Oh, Elizabeth, how many times must I remind you to call me Mrs. Harris?” she said tightly.

“Of course. I apologize.”

“Alexander.”

The dark-haired young man looked between his wife and his friend, wishing he could stay, but knowing he would never hear the last of it if he did. “Of course, dear. See you soon, Buffy.”

Her other friend, Willow, who had watched the scene from across the room, performed her usual damage control ritual. “You know I think one of these days he shall divorce her.”

“Willow!” she whispered, linking their arms. “You should not say such things.”

“Well, he should! I’m fairly certain the only reason he puts up with her is for the sex and we both know the pregnancy scare was the incentive for the marriage to start with…”

Angelus watched the two young women disappear out onto the gardens. “Ladies, if you will excuse me.” He left the woman at the table and sought out William. He didn’t have the same mental link with him as he did with Drusilla, but William could feel when his grandsire called him.

“You called?” he said, appearing moments later.

“Yes, I’m stepping out for a moment. Make sure no one sees Dru nibbling on the livestock.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s so special about this bird? I mean, she’s a cutie and all, but is she really worth our queen mother handing you your own arse?”

“What Darla doesn’t know won’t kill me.” Angelus knew William had a point. Darla was extremely jealous and possessive of him, but he was still sore around the edges where she was concerned, considering that she left him to die in a burning barn. Darla was his sire and that was a bond not easily broken, but nothing could reestablish the trust he lost for her. He glanced at Drusilla to see if she was keeping out of trouble and caught her thralling Harmony. “If you want the blonde as a party favor you should take her out of here. She’s as dumb as a post but has a pleasant peach scent to her.”

Angelus left his grandchilde to attend to Dru and followed Buffy’s scent through the large garden maze. She and her friend, Willow sat on a bench in front of a pond talking quietly.

“…says?”

“You mean when she’s not nursing a bottle? She blames me. She says even whores aren’t low enough to chase their own fathers,” she sniffled.

“Oh, Buffy, have you thought about telling Riley?”

“No, I can’t tell him, Will. If he thought for a moment that it’s gone further than a drunken fumbling, he’ll never speak to me again.”

“And right now, he’s your only way out,” Willow sighed in sympathy to her friend’s plight. “You know Oz and I will let you move in with us.”

“People will talk.”

“They’re already talking. One of New York’s most beloved sons married to a kike?”

“Willow!” Buffy admonished. “Don’t ever call yourself that.”

The redhead shrugged carelessly. “I have been called much worse. I am just telling you that Oz and I do not care what anyone else says about us.”

“I appreciate it. And if the wedding was happening later than next month I would say yes.”

“But what if he goes too far before Riley can save you?”

The unanswered question hung heavy in the air. Angelus seethed. He barely restrained himself from going back inside, grabbing Hank Summers and tearing off his worthless cock with his bare hands. It didn’t anger Angelus that the man was taking liberties with his daughter. It bothered him that his touch would not be the first she had known from a man.

“I should get back inside before Oz starts looking for me. Come with?”

“In a little while. I just want a little more time away from the noise.”

“Don’t take too long. Your parents,” she mumbled.

Angelus watched the Osbourne woman return to the party from his place in the shadows. He turned his attention back to Buffy realizing that they were finally alone. She leaned back, her hands flat on the bench and her face turned up towards the starlit sky. Her eyes were closed, and the subtle breeze disturbed the tendrils of silky tresses framing her face. Angelus had the perfect view of the golden skin of her smooth throat. His face shifted as he imagined sinking his fangs into her throat as her naked body writhed helplessly underneath his.

Buffy’s eyes suddenly snapped open. She stood and she looked around her as if sensing she was not alone. “Is someone there?” she called.

Angelus contained his excitement and returned to his human visage. “Just me,” he said, pretending as though he was simply out for a stroll through the garden’s maze. “Didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Buffy stared at the man before her. She was certain that she had never seen him around before. He was tall, very tall. He had long dark hair that was bound behind his head. He had a wide mustache and she wondered if it was as soft as his hair looked. He had dark eyes. Eyes that were mischievous and secretive. She started to believe she was dreaming. She always thought Riley was cute in a boyish way, but this man before her with the long brown hair, his piercing dark eyes and his enticing smirk was…beautiful. His smirk seemed to widen, and Buffy realized with startling clarity that she was rather rudely staring at him.

“No, you did not frighten me, sir,” she recovered.

“You are Elizabeth Summers, correct?”

“Yes, but everyone calls me Buffy.”

He took her hand – it seemed tiny and engulfed by his – and pressed a small kiss to it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Buffy. I am Angelus McConroy.”

Recognition flashed in her large hazel eyes. “Of course, Mr. McConroy! You live in the Crawford’s old mansion. Your brother-in-law, William, is it? He ordered a gown from my mother’s boutique for your sister.”

Angelus suppressed another smirk. He had sent William on that particular mission to scout out the boutique and Buffy’s work hours, and to spread the word to the local undead community that she, her family and friends, were off limits.

“Yes, my family and I moved there a few months ago.”

Buffy fidgeted with her dress before resuming her place on the bench. “Would you…would you care to sit?” she offered timidly.

He flashed a dazzling smile and took his place beside her. “Now what is a lovely girl such as yourself doing out here all alone? It’s really not safe,” said the wolf to the rabbit.

Buffy glanced up at him and flushed as he stared down at her unblinkingly. “Oh, well, I just stepped out for a moment. Just for some air,” she shrugged.

“You don’t truly enjoy parties, do you?”

“They are…acceptable.”

“Ah, but a lass such as yourself would much rather be at home in front of the fire with a book. You prefer the silence and solitude to the noise and excitement.”

She flushed an attractive pink and looked up at him from under her lashes. “I realize that those are not exactly the qualities one looks for in a woman, but…”

“But you are far from a woman, lass. You’re still a wee child.” He watched appreciatively as her skin flushed a darker red.

“Sir, I will have you know that I am of sixteen years and will soon be a wife,” she said, not really succeeding in sounding offended.

“Yes, to Governor Finn’s lad no less. I find it difficult to see what it is the boy could have done to deserve the hand of such a fair lass.”

Her hazel eyes met his and she wore a smile befitting that of the most experienced of coquettes. “Do you tell all your ladies that, Mr. McConroy?”

“Only the pretty ones,” he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

She started laughing and Angelus thought it was the most enticing sound he had ever heard. “You are indeed a charmer, Mr. McConroy. If I may be so bold…?”

“You may.”

“Why is there not a Mrs. McConroy? A gentleman such as yourself should have amassed quite the number of prospects from the fairer sex.”

Angelus, seeing his opportunity, angled his body towards hers. “Perhaps it is because a man can only have ale for so long before he starts to long for a fine wine.”

He could hear her heart pounding in fear and excitement as their seemingly innocent conversation began to take a different turn. “But what if you’re not supposed to have the wine?” she breathed.

“That’s when it’s the sweetest.” His hand cupped her cheek and her eyes fluttered from the contact. “Look at me, Buff,” he commanded. “Look into my eyes.” Angelus knew he could have waited rather than jumping at the first opportunity to thrall her, but he was anxious to have her in his bed.

“You have pretty eyes.”

Angelus felt his eyebrows rise. You have pretty eyes? Angelus concentrated harder and Buffy flinched as he suddenly seemed to be scowling at her.

“What? Men can have pretty eyes,” she pouted slightly, thinking he was offended.

Angelus blinked. He surveyed her carefully, playing close attention not to let himself linger on her pouting pink lips. He didn’t understand how it was possible for her to resist his thrall. No one had ever resisted! The girl was obviously human. She smelled human. She had a heartbeat. What had gone wrong? His eyebrows knitted together as he ran through any and all explanations as to why his gift had failed him. He felt her warm hand press against his own.

“Angelus? Is something wrong?”

He recovered, wearing his signature smirk. “You think my eyes are pretty, do ye?”

Buffy fiddled with the sleeves of her dress looking anywhere but at him. “Yes, they resemble little pools of chocolate.” She felt his fingers lace through hers and looked down. She liked the way their hands fit.

“Now which one of us is the charmer here, Buff?” he watched her shiver as his fingers idly stroked hers.

“There you are!”

Buffy stood, withdrawing her hand from Angelus, completely missing his darkened expression. “Riley,” she said, her heart pounding heavily as though she’d been caught doing something terribly wicked.

“I have been searching all over for you, Bethie.”

He took her hand in his own, missing her subtle wince at the nickname she loathed. “Forgive me if I have caused distress. I only stepped out for a moment.”

“Your mother and father are looking for you. They –.” Riley stopped short when he saw movement behind Buffy. “Hello,” he said to the man who sat on the bench watching them unabashedly. “I do not believe we have met. I am Riley Finn, Elizabeth’s husband-to-be.”

“Oh, yes, the governor’s boy,” Angelus said, taking in the blue-eyed baby-faced boy with mocking eyes.

Although the sarcasm went completely over the boy’s head as he puffed out his chest and stood a little taller, Angelus smirk only grew when Buffy gave him a warning glare.

“Yes, yes, I am,” he said proudly.

“Riley, this is Mr. McConroy.”

Riley tensed slightly, something neither Angelus nor Buffy missed. “McConroy. You purchased the old Crawford Mansion.”

“Yes,” he confirmed, his eyes glinting slightly.

“Well, it was nice making your acquaintance, Mr. McConroy, but Elizabeth and I must be going.”

“Of course. Nice meeting you, Finn.” He turned his penetrating eyes to Buffy. He picked up her hand and gave her a lingering kiss that left her near breathless. “T’was a pleasure makin’ your acquaintance, Buffy.”

“Mr. McConroy,” she blushed.

Riley’s jaw clenched as he led Buffy away. But his annoyance over what he saw as a threat to his future wife was nothing compared to Angelus’ fury over Finn impeding the progress he had made.

“I do not trust that McConroy fellow,” he confided when they were of a safe distance away from him. Or so he thought. “He worries me.”

“Riley,” Buffy sighed. “Mr. McConroy is a nice man.”

“You know him well, then?”

“No. We only made acquaintance tonight.”

“Yet he already calls you Buffy.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Riley Finn, I do believe you are jealous.”

“Perhaps I am,” he admitted. “Do you find him attractive?”

Buffy blushed and lowered her eyes. “He is…agreeable. But it is you who will become my husband. Your name I will carry and your children I shall bear. Tell me once more why you are jealous?”

With a few well-executed words, Angelus could see Finn’s worries and inferiorities fade away. He leaned down and kissed her lips as carefully as if she were made of glass.

“Bethie?” he whispered, still holding her close.

“Yes?”

“If I asked you to do something, as your future husband, would you do it?”

Buffy tensed. Her small hands fisted the sides of his shirt as her mind twisted and turned over in itself. As her future husband, he could ask almost anything of her, and she was duty bound to obey. She trembled against him and swallowed the bile suddenly flooding her mouth. “Yes.”

“I wish for you to have no further contact with Mr. McConroy or any of his family.”

Buffy stepped back from him so that she could see into his eyes. “Riley, I have already told you that Mr. McConroy bears no threat to us.”

“But he does,” he argued. “Have you noticed the strange occurrences in our town?”

“Are you referring to Madeleine Archer?” Maddie Archer was two years younger than Buffy and had gone missing from her bed in the dead of night.

“Yes, as well as Rebekah Harte, Joshua Black, Edward Morton, Christine Adams, and countless others.”

“Riley, how do these unfortunate people pertain to you desiring distance between Mr. McConroy and myself?”

“They all vanished or perished inexplicably after McConroy, and his family took residence in the Crawford Mansion.”

“You are not suggesting…?” she gasped.

“There is something amiss about them. His sister is said to be touched in the mind, but there is more. She speaks in prophecies. Her husband, William, the poet, who may I say is not very good, he was seen with Rebekah Harte before she went missing. Then there is your new acquaintance. He never leaves the mansion during the day. He does not work and yet he attends every party and somehow amasses enough wealth to support his family. They have no servants or cooks. Their skin is unnaturally porcelain – must I go on?”

“Are you suggesting to me that Mr. McConroy, his sister and her husband may be…nefarious individuals?”

Riley smiled humorlessly. “Why does it frighten you to speak the word, Bethie? You once told me that what most would believe to be a monster, you see as a beast maintaining his nature.”

“I was referring to the work of Bram Stoker, Riley. Beasts exist, yes, but not of that sort, and certainly not amongst Mr. McConroy and his family.”

“You have always had faith in the most undeserving of creatures, Bethie.” He reached inside his trouser pocket and withdrew a silver cross on a chain.

“It’s beautiful.”

“I wish you to wear it whenever you leave the mansion.”

“Even in the sunlight?” she quipped.

“Even in the sunlight,” he answered, unaffected by her glibness. “All of the victims’ blood was drained through small punctures to the throat.”

Buffy paled as she gasped. “What? But you never said anything!”

“My father thought it was best that the families were not informed of this. It would lead to panic and at this time, the authorities have declared it a beast. Wear it. For me.”

“Okay,” she whispered, still struggling with the concept of the creatures she learned of as a child could truly exist beyond the pages of a novel.

Riley secured the cross around Buffy’s neck and exhaled in relief. “Now I believe we should find your parents. They can hardly fault a man for enjoying the company of his love.”

The couple left the garden arm in arm, completely oblivious to the heavy stare on their backs.

Angelus was beside himself with fury when the Finn’s and the Summers left the Hardy Mansion. He had covered his tracks and the tracks of his childe and grandchilde carefully. Yet, the Finn boy seemed to have linked all of their victims back to them. Although he tried his best to come across as noble and caring in Buffy’s eyes, the boy was far more concerned with her affections rather than her safety. The thought in itself caused a malicious smirk to befall his angelic features. They would have to be careful. Meticulous. One mistake and all would be lost. Nevertheless, Angelus would have Buffy Summers…even if he had to eviscerate every townsman to get her.

Angelus itched to relieve his fury and he knew just how to do it.

“Margaret, is it?” she was nothing. An aide in the Hardy household with the burden of a fatherless son. She was not remotely attractive, and her blood was not in the slightest appealing. But her polite smile and cautious eyes appeased him.

“Yes, sir.”

“I regret to bother you as I can see you are terribly busy, but I am afraid I require your assistance.”

“In what way, sir?” still so trusting.

“Come with me, please.”

Ah. There is the hesitation. “Very well, sir.”

He led her to a dark corner underneath the stairs hidden from the rest of the intoxicated socialites. “Ah, that’s better, isn’t it? Not complete privacy, but it should do for what I have in mind,” he said, letting his eyes drift over her, hoping to discomfort her. She predictably squirmed under his gaze, unaware that her used and aged body held no appeal for him.

“Sir, I…I should get back,” she stuttered, her heart pounding beautifully, forcing her blood to flow quicker through her arteries.

“Why not stay a while? After all, you did say you would help a fellow with his problem,” he purred, moving even closer to the frightful maid.

*“Sir, please, I should return to the party.”

*“Margaret, Margaret, there’s no hurry.”

She tried to pull away from him, hoping that someone might see. *“Mistress will be wondering…”

*“Sshh,” he cooed. “Mistress will be wondering how to get the good Reverend Chalmers into bed and will not notice the absence of canapé.” He stroked her chin for good measure, and she shuddered in spite of her fear. “Stay with me,” he urged.

Angelus could tell by her eyes that she was considering it. How could she not? A lowly maid, past her prime, receiving the attentions of the young and wealthy Mr. McConroy, a man that all women, be they married, betrothed, or divine worshippers, have attempted to lure into their beds.

*“Sir, people might talk,” she weakly protested. “I’ll be put out on the streets. My little boy would…I can’t lose this job,” she said, forgoing any thoughts she might have had about taking a chance with the beautiful Angelus McConroy.

Angelus, sensing her resolve, lost his temper. He grabbed her arms. *“Then you must keep quiet.”

*“You’re hurting me!” she said, speaking a little louder than she intended.

*“Ah! Cry out. Call for help. I’m sure Mistress will believe your behavior beyond reproach,” he sneered.

*“Please!” she gasped, wriggling in his embrace.

Angelus shook her roughly. *“Come, make a scene, huh?” he taunted. “Shall I?”

Margaret hesitated. *“No,” she whispered.

*“No, no. We’ll be as quiet as mice.”

Margaret lowered her head. Her shoulders sagged in defeat. If she closed her eyes and didn’t put up a fight, maybe it would be over soon. No one would believe her if she said their familiarity was forced.

Angelus could almost taste her defeat. His face shifted and when she looked back up at him, her fear and terror flooded his senses. *“No matter what.”

*“Sir!” she trembled, tears welling in her eyes. “My son!”

Good, he had almost forgotten. *“Oh, he’ll make a fine dessert, huh?”

He grabbed her, sinking his fangs into her throat before she could scream. He drained her quickly. She was unsatisfying and not at all fulfilling. He released her, letting her body fall carelessly to the floor. He tucked her away in the corner, knowing one of the other servants or perhaps her Mistress herself would find her. Angelus maneuvered around the intoxicated guests, following Margaret’s scent to the servant’s quarters. He found Margaret’s whelp sleeping in his bed. He was a boy of no more than seven years. His hair was curly like his mother's and a brighter shade of blonde. Margaret’s pallet lay positioned beside the boy’s bed. The boy clutched a worn brown bear that was missing its left eye. He was a beautiful child, clearly taking after his father. The boy opened his eyes and startling emerald green eyes met his own.

“Are you an angel?” he whispered.

His lips twitched as he fought the smirk that threatened to reveal itself. “An angel?”

“Mum says when it’s time an angel will come and take me to see my Da. Will you take me?”

He arranged the boy’s body in his bed and retrieved his mother, placing her on top of her pallet. From a distance, it would look as If they were merely sleeping. He returned to his mansion an hour before sunrise.

“Daddy, we saved her for you!” Drusilla called over the screams.

He strolled down to the “playroom” in the cellar. The room smelled of sex, blood, and fear. The young woman from the party, Harmony, was naked and railroad spikes had been driven through her hands and ankles, courtesy of William. Her legs and stomach were flayed, and Drusilla greedily lapped up her flowing blood.

William leaned against the wall, a pipe in his hand. “How did it go with the bird?”

Before he could answer, Harmony turned towards Angelus. Her face had been clawed, most likely by Drusilla, and her right eye hung out of its socket and lay limply against her cheek. “Mr. McConroy, help! Please help me!” she whimpered.

A cold smirk drifted on his lips as he played with her blood-soaked hair. “I could help you, Harmony, but you would have to do something for me first,” he taunted.

“Anything, anything.”

“Open your mouth.” A single tear fell from her good eye. She opened her mouth without hesitation. Angelus released his semi-hard cock and shoved it into her mouth. She choked and gagged as his hand knotted in her hair. “She resisted my thrall.”

William pushed off from his relaxed stance against the wall. “Resisted? How the bloody hell did she do that?”

“Gee, William, I have no idea. I’ll be sure to ask her next time,” he growled, shoving his entire length down Harmony’s throat.

“She’s not like the others,” Drusilla whispered. Her eyes were wide and unfocused. She was having a vision.

“What do you see, pet?”

Just as Harmony’s heart stopped beating, Angelus felt his seed spurt into her mouth. He pulled out, using her hair to clean himself off, smiling lightly as his seed and her blood dripped from her mouth.

“She was almost Called.”

“Called?”

“As in…?” Angelus had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“But the Powers…she was unworthy…innocent blood on her hands…now she is just a human.”

Angelus ran a hand through his hair, attempting to process what they had just learned. Buffy was meant to take the Calling. She was to be a Slayer, but she killed someone. The Powers deemed her unworthy and now she will never be a Slayer. But even though she didn’t have the Call, she was still equipped with the typical Slayer attributes. A mental block to resist the thrall. Possibly strength to fight against any demonic creature.

“Darla is going to kill you,” William snickered.

“Darla is too busy fucking Dracula to care what I do!”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

Drusilla hunched over, moaning and hugging her stomach. William’s good mood faded quickly as he and Angelus flocked to her side protectively. “What do you see, Dru?”

“Bad man…bad man…bad man…”

“What bad man? What is he doing?” Angelus questioned her as she leaned against William.

“Touching…bad touch…bad touch…wants to keep her…wants to hurt her…!” she moaned.

Angelus growled deeply, startling his childe and grandchilde. “Hank Summers is a dead man. William, at first dark, I need you to do something for me.”

[marie-bluem]

   Random Entry: 07/01/20

    (Please don’t reblog, repost, etc)

        It’s been raining a lot lately, which has kind of put me in a nostalgic mood lately and given me this sudden urge to want to look back on some of my old blog posts, entries, and past years. Also the current state of our world right now and other things, especially the current state of the U.S. right now, has made me feel sad ( I am kind of feeling a tiny bit of that summer time sadness/blues ;-;)🌦📔      

  However, seeing the progress being made by everyone working together to bring more awareness to the inequalities and issues that still need to be addressed, not just in the U.S. but in the world in  general, and being able to help and take part  with my friends and just being able to keep in touch with my friends, has made me feel more hopeful and inspired as well. Overall, the past month of June had just kind of put in a reflective mood and want to reflect back on some things/ memories/ personal experiences etc and just write about and comment on some things like some of my past posts as an effort to try to write gain a bit more on here.

       Also I’m really sorry anons that I haven’t finished answering the rest of your anons. As  you saw from my last posts, these past months have been months where many have been working together to spread more awareness and info on issues like police brutality, mental health awareness, BLM movement, Juneteenth and more, that I just personally felt it was and still is more important to reblog posts on those topics in order to bring more awareness to those topics, and limit my amount of personal posts/ posts that don’t have to do with those topics. So I’m really sorry, but I have not forgotten about your anon asks! What I plan to try to do is answer just one of your asks once a week and like I said I will still post/ reblog some personal posts  but I will also try to reblog more posts containing info on more important topics. So I will still try to post/ reblog personal content and continue to answer some of your anons! ^^

Okay lol you can just ignore the rest of my text below lol (you don’t have to read what is below this ;-;) Like I said , the rest of the text will be a few of my comments/ thoughts as well as thoughts  I remember having when I reblogged some of my old entries, posts etc. ^^ . Also please don’t reblog this post (I’m sorry I just really don’t want to encounter a lot of weird tumblr bots again 😥 😭

January 2013:

      Aw My first posts and the beginning of this blog  ^^ I can’t believe it has already been more than 7 years since I created my Tumblr blog. I remember not knowing anything about Tumblr until my friend Emily told me “Marielisa, have you downloaded Tumblr, you should make your own Tumblr blog and follow mine please”. We didn’t even have proper phones back then (I had an old blackberry phone lol) since we were still in middle school. I remember only being able to log onto Tumblr when we had computer lab or got to use and take home our school’s iPads. Lol since I was way more shy back then, my friend ended up writing my first post saying hi and asking others to follow me and recommending me some blogs . My friend and I were really into 1D back then so I remember most of the blogs I followed back then were blogs about 1D, polyvore outfits, outfit mood boards, London, Paris/ traveling and quotes. Lol I remember Zayn being my favorite 1D member followed by Liam (before Liam shaved his hair lol; my friend and I were shook 😶 ) I remember Zayn being my favorite due to his introverted and shy yet playful personality. Wow a lot of time sure has passed since then. But, I guess some things never change though because traveling is still one of the things on my bucket list, I still hold this unexplainable yearning and wanderlust for visiting Europe (especially France and Italy),and also still am very fond of poetry, book quotes,  moodboards, and listening to 1D throwback songs from time to time with my friends✨ 💛.

February 2013:

Aw I think this is when The Perks of Being a Wallflower had come out. I remember being really excited to see how the movie had turned out since The Perks of Being a Wallflower was one of my favorite books at the time and held (and still does) a special meaning for me. Haha I remember ‘falling in love’ with Logan Lerman, wishing I could meet my own “Charlie” / Logan Lerman lol. Lol I remember wishing to be able to meet a some-what shy, dorky/ funny and thoughtful guy whom I could be awkward, silly and care-free with and share songs with haha. I also remember falling in love with the ost of the movie. To this day, Heroes by David Bowie aka the tunnel song is one of my favorite songs (as well as Come On Eileen and more favorite songs which just keep on accumulating ;-;) (I also remember wanting to have my own living room routine dance with someone.  Lol if anyone has read this far and gets this reference, I appreciate you 💝 )

Some extra notes (thoughts):📔✨

From looking at some of those posts I also realized that some things haven’t change like my love for strawberries lol, my love for city views, and my love for cozy, fluffy sweaters and cardigans (sweater weather).    🍓🌃  🧥

 I also still enjoy listening to some songs from The Beatles and really old songs in general.🎶

I no longer want to find a “Charlie”; I just want a thoughtful, kind, and funny guy who can be both quirky/ silly and serious depending on the situation, as well as hardworking, honest about his thoughts (is able to open up to me about his thoughts, feelings, worries so that I can do the same and so that we can both find comfort in one another and not second-guess one another) and a good listener/ someone whom I can have random, deep or silly late night conversations with lol, go on spontaneous outings with, and whom I can just be my some-what shy, awkward, random lol , sensitive, normal self around . (Also someone who preferably loves/ enjoys  Spring and Autumn (especially Autumn) just as much as I do and who loves animals/ pets ;-;)

Spring 2013: 

      The time during which I got to watch the movie “The Art of Getting By” and time during which I really did feel a bit lost in my thoughts. (The Art of Getting By also has one of my favorite indie osts ) I remember having a lot of thoughts (‘worries’’) on what might happen after I finished middle school in May and started High school in June (It makes my heart feel warm remembering the small things my younger self used to worry about) I remember wondering about what High school was going to be like, feeling kind of anxious and scared about getting lost on the first day of classes in a bigger school compared to my small middle school. Lol I remember thinking: Would I be able to make any new friends or at least have some of my middle school friends attend the same high school as me? Would I have trouble opening my locker again? Lol my middle school self didn’t have any clue as to what was going to happen and the many things my high school self would experience and overcome. (Lol the things my middle school self used to worry about 😆 🤧  

     Thinking back,  I think that if my middle school self were to have known or been able to take a glimpse at what my high school was going to be like and known how I would have to attend classes with much older college students I think that my middle school self wouldn’t have known have to feel nor believed it and might have even felt more overwhelmed about starting high school. I don’t think my middle school self would have been able to see just how much that experience and my decision to attend my high school over the other program that had also accepted me, would allow me to not only mature a bit more and grow as a person, but also learn to take control over my anxiety (little by little) and meet and befriend some of the most kindest and dear people to me who are now my closest and dear friends. 

       Because of that I can’t help but to wonder what would have happened to me if I hadn’t decided to attend the high school that I did, met the people that I did.  If I didn’t meet my friends of now back then would I, by some chance have still been able to meet them in a different place at a different time? That’s why I’m really glad I decided to attend my high school because even though it did lead me to experience some of the most difficult and mentally draining periods in my life , I would not change my decision if I was given a chance to go back and change it. I can’t imagine my life today without my friends whom I met back then and some other special people (particularly one person) because even though they might not know it or realize it they changed me in a good way and became a  very important and precious part of my life. I’m very thankful for having been able to cross paths with  them and for them having crossed paths with me 💖 .

August 2013: 

    I’m trying to think back as to what or who hurt me to reblog those posts lol 😶(wow I was so emo; My last year of middle school was filled with angst huh ;-; ) but I can’t remember. This made me realize though that there is some truth in what some people say in that: as time passes by we learn to slowly heal, let go, and forget of the things or people who might have hurt us. Before we know it, we don’t remember any of those not so happy times or those memories just don’t hurt anymore because as time goes by we begin to make  more happy and precious memories with people and friends that make us feel warm and loved. As for embarrassing moments/ memories (we all have them ^^  lol )  I found that as time goes by those memories don’t feel as embarrassing anymore but rather funny making me feel fond of those moments and smile at how funny and precious those moments actually were. So, if any of you reading this also have some not so nice memories just know that with time, and as you slowly learn to let go of them and spend more time making more happy memories rather than dwelling on those not so pleasant memories,  those not so pleasant memories will slowly heal and scatter away. As for those embarrassing memories, they will slowly blossom into something precious you might fondly look back on one day and laugh at 😆  (which is one of the best feelings).

September 2013: 

     My first full month attending  my high school (AHS) lol. I remember I had gone on a trip with my family early that summer so I wasn’t able to attend the summer bridge program that my high school organized for freshmen students. Since I didn’t go to the summer program, I couldn’t help but feel  nervous and a bit lost on the first day of classes because I didn’t know which homeroom class (cohort)  I was supposed to be in. I also didn’t know any of the teachers or anyone in my class because my childhood friend (Em) got placed in a different class. Apart from her there were only 2 other people from my middle school that were also accepted into my high school, but I wasn’t close with them/ didn’t know them that well.  I remember feeling very anxious and shy when I walked into my class, especially when I saw that most of my classmates had already become a bit more close with one another over the summer. I felt  so small and was way more shy back then. But I ended up worrying for nothing because my first day of high school ended up being very nice. 

      Even though I didn’t know anyone in my class, everyone was nice and ended up making me feel more comfortable. I will always feel thankful to my friend Amber because she was one of the first people in my class who talked to me and helped introduce me to some of the friends she had already made in the class . Because of her, I was able to make some other high school friends in my class who were all also nice and friendly and made me feel comfortable by starting conversations with me (if by any chance Karis and Kaylyn you are still using your tumblr blogs and read my post lol I just want to say thank you for understanding my shy personality and giving me time to open up, I will always appreciate that). I remember that after that first kind of nerve-wrecking month of school lol, I was also able to befriend my  current, close friends Darlyn, Yasmin, as well as meet my other current-close friends Erika, Frances, Trisha, and Nathaniel, who although I wasn’t really close to them back then (but was able to meet thanks to my childhood friend Emily) , have now all become precious friends of mine 💖 💛  I’m also thankful, because of those friends I was also able to meet you - a  little bit weird, dorky and kinda shy , blue shooting star like boy who I think will always have a special memory corner in my heart  just like my friends and everyone I love, despite you maybe never knowing that and that’s okay. I hope that maybe one day when we meet and actually see each other in person after many years with our group of friends, we can say hi to each other, talk, laugh, and smile normally and forget about past awkwardness.

Extra notes:📔✨

I remember wanting to be able to go to one of those old red phone booths in London, that people had turned into book trading posts/ spots where you could take some of your old books to the phone booth and exchange them for other book that other people had read. (I still kind of want to do this to be honest lol ;-;) 

Looking at my post of that blanket fort reminded me of how I always wanted to build my own blanket fort and decorate it with fairy lights and invite my friends and boyfriend to watch a movie while eating popcorn and baked pastries inside the fort lol (I still want to this too shh lol >.<)

Looking at that post of a drawing of an old and vintage record player also reminded me how I never want to get one of those old vintage record players or anything that’s an antique tbh due to so many horror/ scary movies that I have watched ;-;

That post of the mountain overlooking a crescent moon made me want to go on a road trip and camp with friends under the night sky while roasting s’mores after this pandemic subsides 🤧

October 2013: 

       I think this is when most of my friends read and or were reading the Fault in Our Stars lol since the movie was said to come out in 2014. I remember that particular quote really resonating with me and being one of my favorites from the book as well as the quotes: “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you”, “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities” and the quote I came across for which the title was ironically based on:“The Fault Dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, for that we are underlings”.🌃       

        I remember the quote:” My Thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations” really resonating with me at that time because I remember having so many thoughts and often feeling a range of emotions and sometimes feeling more deeply about some things compared to others and my friends and not knowing how to explain or express thoughts/ feelings to others in a way that made sense to them. It’s like I had so many ideas and thoughts but I often found myself holding them back because I just did not know how to get my words or thoughts across, especially during writing/ when it came to writing essays for class etc. I remember that being one of the main reasons as to why I didn’t really enjoy nor looked forward to English/ writing class despite loving to read books, and free-writing. I don’t know, I guess the teaching style of my 9th and even 10th grade English teacher and class in general, just made me feel so restricted when it came to writing about my personal thoughts/ ideas regarding a book or topic. Due to that, I kind of started to get writer’s block more often and did not enjoy writing for a while because I just personally felt that the class’ and teachers’ preferences when it came to writing about our own personal ideas and thoughts made writing feel less free, authentic, and fun and instead made writing feel more forced and restrictive.It also at some point made me feel discouraged to try to express my thoughts and opinions about a book/ topic through writing due to those teachers not allowing me or others more time and freedom to gather and express our thoughts so that they could understand them/ try to see them from a different point of view. But it’s okay, that did not stop my love to free-writing during my own time and my love to want to capture some moments, feelings and thoughts in writing. Overtime, I found that academic writing will always in some sense feel more restrictive and forced,  but that does not mean that all English professors are the same, and will make writing and reading feel restrictive because I really enjoyed my English college classes during 11th and 12th grade. My English professor during that time allowed us to be more free with our writing, opinions, and thoughts while still helping us improve our writing skills.

     During 2013 I also remember still feeling scared and anxious to share my personal opinions and thoughts on topics a lot more during conversations with my close friends or simply during class participation in fear that I might say something wrong, not know how to explain myself in front of a bigger group of people , and that others might laugh at me for that, due to not so nice past experiences. But thanks to my friends’ understanding nature, empathy, and encouragement,  I slowly started to gain more courage, feel more confident, and slowly but surely began to open up to them a lot more about my inner thoughts, random and quirky thoughts lol, worries, and rants haha and vice versa- they opened up to me more too which allowed all of us to find comfort  within one another and I’m very thankful  and will always be thankful for that💖  💝

 Another quote that I remember being very fond of was the quote: “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you” because it’s true. We don’t really get to choose if we get hurt or don’t get hurt, but we do have some say and or power in deciding who we allow to hurt us or keep on hurting us. We have the ability to change and leave  a situation/ place/ etc that keeps hurting us and or making us unhappy.

   Another quote that I remember being very fond of was the quote: “ Some infinities are bigger than other infinities”. I remember finding this quote comforting in  the sense that although maybe my time spent with a family member, group of friends, crush, or significant other might one day come to an end and or turn out to be a smaller infinity due to certain life circumstances, my smaller infinity with them will still have been very precious and felt like a bigger infinity to me that will never cease to end in my memories. That quote was also comforting in a sense that it led me realize that although our time with someone whom we care about and love might be a smaller infinity during a certain point in our lives, we could come across that someone once again during a different point in our lives (future) and find that all that time our time with that someone was actually one of those bigger infinities made up of smaller infinities. 

        🌌 ⌛️💫

      The last quote related to the Fault in Our Stars that I remember being very fond of is: “The Fault Dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, for that we are underlings”. I remember liking this quote because I remember thinking about how often times, our first instinct as human beings, when something terrible happens to us or something does not go the way we had hoped, some people  tend to blame forces that are bigger than us and or that are out of our control. Or sometimes we tend to hold ourselves back from doing something that we love and  trying new things, in fear of failing, something going wrong, not being able to do things at the same pace as other, fearing change, or just simply comparing ourselves to others which in turn ends up making us feel like “underlings”, when it shouldn’t have to be like that. Overall, that quote led me to think about how often our worst enemy and or greatest critic is our own self. But, we can all be like the stars and feel bright, when we begin to allow ourselves to not just love and care for others, but also slowly but surely, love and care about ourselves as well which is not easy but not impossible ,and surround ourselves with people and things that make us feel loved, happy, and motivated and not allowing others to continue to hurt us with their invalid assumptions and criticism.

Wow, who would’ve known that The Fault in our stars would have a big impact on mine and my friends’  perspectives during that time haha ;-;

Extra notes:📔✨

After looking at the quote “I want to sleep for 2 years and wake up with a degree, an apartment, and money in the bank”my high school self had reblogged,  I started to think about how sad and boring that would have been If I had been asleep and missed out on 2 years of my life and just magically woke up with a degree, an apartment, and money and not actually lived through those experiences and small achievements, as well as miss out on all the memories that I would have made with my friends and family during that time. Although some of these past years during my journey in obtaining my degree and becoming more stable and independent have been hard, exhausting and sad at times, there have also been so many happy and fun moments with my friends and family that have made up for those bittersweet ones and so I think it would be sad to live without knowing about those moments and memories. 

Ah the song “Sweater Weather” lol; I remember me and my friends Emily, Amber, Darlyn, Kaylyn, and Michelle really liking the song when it came out lol. I remember thinking it was such a perfect/ cliche song to listen to during a chilly, crisp Autumn day lol. I haven’t listened to the song since high school but I think I might add it to my rainy day/ Autumn throwback songs playlist lol ^^

November 2013: 

      For some reason, what I remember the most from November of 2013  is that my Envirothon group met together for the first time with other high school groups representing their school in the Maryland envirothon at Camp Schmidt lol aw wow I can’t believe that happened so long ago. I remember my biology high school teacher (Mr.Cordon) selecting my friend Darlyn, Amber, along with a few others from our freshmen year,  and a tenth grade group and me as the two groups to represent our school.  Omg lol I remember being assigned to represent and lead the Wildlife portion of the competition and my friend Amber being in charge of the soil  and environment portion while my friend Darlyn being put in charge of the nature/ tree information section despite her being allergic to various types of trees. I feel really sorry about that to this day because what if she had gotten a really bad allergic reaction. I still don’t know to this day how or why  Mr. Cordon decided that  😭 😭

It felt kind of nice though to get away from our Campus  for a while and being surrounded by so much nature and fresh  breeze :)   

Extra notes:📔✨

Looking back at these posts also makes me realize how some other things about me and some of my preferences haven’t changed. I still  do quite enjoy rainy days, especially those rainy days where I don’t have any important things to do and I can just stay inside while listening to the rain outside and watching movies from the comfort of my room lol or taking short walks in the rain. 

I also still have this appreciation for black and white photographs; Like I mentioned in another post of mine, I just think that black and white and grainy photos have this unique mood and just give this very soft, nostalgic feeling when you look at them.

I also still love acoustic songs and guitar covers of songs and scenery photos of different places 

I also still love the look of busy cities like Paris, New York, London, etc when they are completely covered in snow and only the twinkling lights from buildings can be seen; Idk I just like the soft and subdued feeling snow gives to those busy cities :)

I miss being able to learn a new language; I’ve been thinking about starting to  teach myself the basics of a new language over this summer break lol but I’m not sure where to start or which language to pick ;-; 🤔 So far I’ve been thinking about learning either French or Korean but we’ll see lol; If I do decide to start learning, my goal is to just at least get to just 1 level above beginner’s level 🤧

Okay I’ll stop here for today and do this again with of my other posts another day ^^.

[slamsams-blog]

Spectre - #24WeeksofBond

This week’s film in our 24 weeks of Bond marathon is the latest film in the franchise, 2015′s Spectre.  This would be, (or so he thought at the time), Craig’s final Bond outing...hence why it’s been SO INCREDIBLY LONG for a new Bond movie to come out.  Craig had other things he wanted to do before he could be convinced to suit up as Bond one more time.  But man oh man, am I over these 3, 4, or 5 year gaps in between Bond films.  Daniel Craig has held the role of Bond longer than any other actor - even longer than Roger Moore!  That’s is pretty crazy to think about.  Hopefully the next actor to play Bond isn’t so wishy-washy and we get regular installments at a better pace.  Here’s hoping...ANYWAYS

Spectre is a beautifully cinematic, high speed, throwback to the classics that all too often gets the “Tomorrow Never Dies” treatment.  This film was Sam Mendes’ second Bond film in a row, the first one being “Skyfall” which has been regarded as one of the best Bond films not just of the modern era, but of all time.  So when Spectre came out with the same director at the helm, everyone was expecting it to be the greatest film in all of cinema history.  Unfortunately, it just didn’t quite live up to the hype and therefor this movie gets unfairly ragged on.

Not just ragged on...but absolutely SHIT ON.  I’m not kidding.  I’ve seen a lot of “Bond ranking” posts and YouTube videos where this film is in the bottom 5, and one time I even saw it at the bottom.  THE BOTTOM.  Like, worse than “Die Another Day”.  If you actually think that Spectre is a worse movie than Die Another Day, then you either have no clue what you are talking about, have poor taste in action movies, or are just trying to be controversial to be controversial.  Spectre is by no means the best Bond movie ever, it has its plot holes for sure...but it is CERTAINLY not the worst, and y’all need to start showing this film some damn respect.  Pardon my “R” rated language, YouTubers got me hot!

All that being said, I REALLY enjoy this film.  Right from the beginning we have an incredibly visually stunning pre-title sequence at a Day of the Dead parade in Mexico where we see Bond mysteriously tracking a stooge.  With heart pounding music, incredible costumes, and a beautifully shot scene of Craig tight-roping the roofs of the buildings that causes my anxiety to explode...this is such a stimulating experience.  We later find out that Bond was going rogue and M is pissed and suspends him indefinitely.  But Bond is just following a trail that Judi Dench left for him in a video she recorded before she died.  Why didn’t she tell Bond about this before she died? Whatever...it’s just a movie. 

This leads Bond to uncovering an organization called “Spectre”. You can find the acronym for it in my “From Russia With Love” post!  Bond infiltrates a secret meeting to where he finds out the man at the head table is someone from his past.  The man, who eventually turns out to be Franz Oberhauser (Christoph Waltz) was once a boy who’s father had taken Bond in when his parents died, making ole Franz jealous, and eventually kills his father and fakes his own death...after he was declared dead he adopted a new name - Ernst Stavro Blofeld.  Odd choice, but here we are.  We have a Blofeld again!

Waltz was an exciting pick for the part, but he doesn’t blow me away in the role.  There is always a subtle creepiness to him, but I think he could’ve done more with it.  There was talk of him being replaced as Blofeld in the next Bond movie, but there was enough fan outrage where they squashed that...so I guess he’s doing something right.

One fun aspect of this film is that there is a Bond villain, that Bond never deals with.  Max Denbigh (Andrew Scott) or “C” as Bond dubs him, not really sure why, is a surveillance officer working for MI6, but secretly for Spectre.  Not so secret though, if anyone has seen “Sherlock”, the mere sight of Andrew Scott makes you think he has to be a villain.  He strolls in and politics his way into dumping the double 0 program in favor of ultra cyber security and drones.  If successful, Spectre would have full control over everything.  This guy is all M’s problem, and he deals with him from concept to completion.  Atta boy M! I just always liked how M was on his own with this storyline. 

Another aspect about this film is Bond is falling in love with Madeline Swann (Lea Seydoux), the daughter of Mr. White who has been a thorn in Bond’s side working for Spectre.  Mr. White has seen the light and now Spectre has poisoned him, giving Mr. White reason to give Bond all the info he needs and to protect his daughter.  To me this relationship is a bit rushed and forced.  Bond and Vesper in Casino Royale was done properly, but here, Swann seems to fall in love rather out of the blue. And we’re supposed to believe he is leaving MI6 for her.

We’re also treated to a badass train car fight!  I love me a good train car fight...sadly I don’t think there are any more in the series.  Bond comes face to face with the silent, giant, dagger thumbnail mammoth of a man named Mr.Hinx (Batista).  I’m a little biased here because I’ve been a lifelong Pro-Wrestling fan.  But I gotta say, Batista has acting chops.  This train car fight scene is BRUTAL, and is the scene I think about when I think about this movie.

In conclusion, Spectre is a beautifully shot film with an extra dash of humor, and an excessive amount of call backs to past Bond films.  The voodoo-esque nature in the opening (Live and Let Die), the clinic where Bond finds Madeline Swann (On Her Majesties Secret Service), the crator where Blofeld resides (You Only Live Twice), the ejector seat! (Goldfinger).  While it’s fun to see Spectre tip it’s hat to the past, as a die hard Bond fan, you kind of go “ok, I get it”.  And of course, they kept dropping hints in the movie that Craig was leaving the franchise which stressed me out - especially at the end.  I LOVE Daniel Craig as Bond and I, for one, was not ready to let him go just yet. Also, because of the number.  What I mean by that is the number of films each actor has done has been different.  After “No Time To Die” this will be the movie tally:

Lazenby: 1

Dalton: 2

Brosnan: 4

Craig: 5

Connery: 6

Moore: 7

The next actor to play Bond, can ONLY do 3 movies.  If he doesn’t, it just might bother me for the rest of my life.  Unless he goes for 8?  Well, my obsessive compulsive disorder aside, Spectre is not the perfect Bond film...but it deserves respect for the cinematography, characters, and action scenes.  We should all be thankful Sam Mendes came into the world of Bond, and threw a splash of paint on the franchise.

That’s it for this week!  Hope you enjoyed it!

Reviews from Friends:

My Mom:

I was mesmerized by this film. I think the theme song and opening artwork were stunning. Daniel craig was an older, darker version of Bond. I was pretty thrilled to see him with a mature love interest for once. Someone near his own age. I was hoping she would go on through the story but it was not to be. I thought it was very well done. Anxious to see more of this mysterious dark Bond.

Jake Benrud

Until reading your blog, I didn’t realize this wasn’t a well received Bond! I actually really enjoyed this movie. I think this is the third time watching it for me, and I really appreciate the portrayal of Bond by Craig. I thought Waltz did a great job with Blofeld. The drilling scene is always a bit unnerving, but I’d expect nothing less from a sadistic Bond villain. I did think that for all the intelligence that Blofeld and the SPECTRE organization should have that it was pretty poor planning to be able to destroy their entire facility with one shot to the propane regulator. I mean if you can arrange for an elaborate Bond haunted house at MI6 ending with Blofeld hiding behind bullet proof glass, maybe take the time to protect the propane tank at your facility. Chances are if you’re an evil genius looking for world domination, you’re probably going to have Bond at your door step shooting up the place. I digress. Despite this, I thought the story moved along well and it’s a solid installment of the series.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with -

Thunderball  

[overthere-in-neverland]

Hey i was wondering if you could do one where the readers band is on tour with all time low and at night she sings herself to sleep and jack listens to her and starts developing a crush on her? You can change it up a bit so it doesn’t suck but thanks :)

AN Hey guys! Sorry it’s been three years since I’ve posted lmao. I think I’m slowly coming back to these. For one thing I’m at my job, and I work graveyard so I’m bored as hell. For another, I really miss creative writing. I’ll update you on my life if you want next time I visit this, but other than that, hello! I won’t be updating the halloween imagines for the time being, especially since I’m trying to come back to this. I know I had one  (1) request to update the side blog fanfics I had going on, but as for now, I’m going to try to do it one at a time. @ my motivation? Where r u (and im so sorry i cannot sleep i cannot dream tonighttttt) Anyways! Also I just realized that it was Creeper who were atl’s opening band on the european mainland tour for lyr and now im emo all over again. The text conversation is in the story already, I just felt the need to make it for you lol

Your POV

I knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. Our manager knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. My bandmates knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. We all were well aware, and now the fans were too. But holy shit, is it surreal. Starting from nothing, playing a max of ten people, then going to 1,000 cap rooms, oh my god is it fucking incredible. Not to mention All Time Low have been my heroes for as long as I can remember.

I’m in a pop punk band, and I play the bass. I’m not quite a singer, but I can do back up. I have three other bandmates. One sings, her name is Maria, one plays guitar, that’s Drew. And we have Allison on drums. Altogether we’re pretty badass.

I had heard in the industry that Jack was a bit of a flirt. Having Drew in our band, we didn’t think much of it. Granted, Maria was engaged, and Allison’s gay, so it’s not like either of them were available. But I knew of Jack’s wiles, so I knew to stay on my toes. We were touring in Europe around the mainland for Last young Renegade, All Time Low’s new album, and it was my band’s first time being in Europe, so we were stoked. We were up at like 8 am, exploring around the city. Though trying to fall asleep is critical, especially jet-lagged. I don’t know about most things, but what I do know is anytime I go anywhere, even if it’s in the same time zone, I’m always jet-lagged. Maybe I’m just always tired?

So we arrived in Copenhagen, Denmark, the first stop on our European tour, and we meet the guys at their bus, and I’m a little star struck. Alex Gaskarth and his iconic hair. I’m not saying I’m in the fandom, but Alex’s brown hair is nothing short of iconic. Especially when it’s longer. Huge throwback to Timebomb era, and hooo boy. That was an era to be alive. Alex was wiping down the table in his bus, muttering about these “good for nothing men, who can’t even pick up after themselves.” Jack is behind him opening the fridge, then opening the cupboards, then opening the fridge, then opening the pantry, I smiled a bit at that. Zack and Rian weren’t anywhere to be found, at least from what I could see, staring down the bus’s hallway. We were to be dragging behind them in our small little van pulling a trailer. Drew coughed, and Alex looked up. “Guys!” he smiled, throwing away his wipe. “You’re here!”

Jack looked over from his rampant searching of food and smiled at us as well. I felt my face grow hot, but tried to brush it off like I was alright. I kicked my other food and looked down at the ground to try and forget I existed for a bit. I noticed Maria smiling at me, probably knowing exactly what was going on. She knew that Jack has always been a celebrity crush of mine since 2008. “What’s up,” he said to us, nodding in our direction.

“We’re in GutterPunk,” Drew responded, usually taking initiative. “Nice to meet you guys. We’ll be on tour with you throughout the mainland.”

“Sweet!” Alex smiled, and came over to us, probably intending to shake our hands. “What’ll you be riding around?”

“We kind of don’t really know yet? We have to go pick up the rental van and trailer soon. We just wanted to meet you guys.”

“Well I’m Alex,” he said gesturing to himself. “And that fiend over there is Jack.” Jack paused from his cupboard raid and waved, then went back to it. “Hope to enjoy your guys’ music and energy out there.”

“Stoked, dude.” Drew shook his hand, and turned to walk away, out of the bus. We were all standing in his way. So he had nowhere to go.

“I’ve been a fan since middle school!” Allison told him, also shaking his hand. “Y/N and I have always dreamed of touring with you guys. It’s been a dream, really. You’re a huge inspiration! At least half of it. Tre Cool has always been my biggest, but don’t sweat it. He’s a fucking god on drums.”

“Here here!” came a voice in the back.

“That’s Rian,” Alex chuckled. “He always makes himself known at any mention of Green Day.”

I thought I had seen Jack peak over at us when Allison mentioned my name, but then again, it was all happening so fast, I didn’t have any idea as to what was going on. I tucked my hair behind my ears and introduced myself to Alex. We talked a bit before we had to go to the rental agency and get our modes of transportation. It was to be about a month in the van with these guys, tightly packed. Thank god we weren’t a ska band.

After a couple days on tour in Europe, I was getting my bearings. I started to get a feel of how it would be like throughout the month. It was a show every night for a couple days, then we’d have one or two days off. Our van broke down the fifth day, and we were ready to call it quits, me being on the verge of tears, and Allison kicking the wheel of our shitty van rental. Alex graciously offered to let us stay in their bus, but we all refused, trying desperately to figure out another way to travel. He insisted.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Maria asked him as we gathered our stuff in their bus

“Oh, it’s fine!” Alex waved us off. “You’ll just stay with us. It’s not fair that we get this huge ass bus for four of us and you guys all have to share that tiny van. Make sure you get your money back though, because that’s bullshit. Jesus Christ, man. I told Fueled that we should’ve just shared a tour bus but they’re all about ‘separating bands’ or whatever. Why we ever signed to this record label I’ll never know.”

“It was your idea,” Zack chimed in. We all laughed. “Well it was! After going to Hopeless, twice, Alex wanted to branch out. Which we all agreed to anyway. It was funny though, because he complained about it every chance he got.”

“I’m well aware of that. But Fueled by Ramen seems to forget that we were once small too! Power to the little people!”

We all laughed again and gathered in their bus to prepare for the next night which was to be a day off. I was nervous, because this meant that Jack would be just down the hall, if you can even call it that, from me. It reached 1 am that night after the show, and we had all gathered in our beds to try and sleep so we could get out and do fun things around France.

I always used to sing myself to sleep to calm my nerves, and after about an hour of tossing and turning, it seemed like that was my only option if I wanted to sleep. I started off by humming softly, in case I would wake anyone up. After about ten minutes of that, and no sounds of stirs happened, I sang quietly. First was Lullabies, which is my go to song to sing when I need to sleep. Something about the line “Sing me to sleep, I’ll see you in my dreams” makes me feel at peace. After I finished with that, I heard the quiet patter of feet. I stopped for a bit, to wait to see if it came again, and when it didn’t I started again. Snuff by Slipknot is another one that calms me down, and I sang that, but right at the bridge I heard the patter again. I drew back the curtain, and saw Jack standing there. He looked scared to see me notice him, and promptly turned back towards his bed, and didn’t look back at me.

I frowned but pulled the covers up. I guess he doesn’t actually want to get to know me. I closed my eyes to try for the.. Was it the fourth time? Third time? I lost count. But I tried once more to sleep. Then I heard the pang next to me of a text message.

I promise I wasn’t trying to listen to you sing.

It was from Jack. We had all exchanged numbers at the beginning of the tour. My thumbs danced over my screen as I thought of what to say.

Don’t worry about it

I just heard it and then i couldn’t stop

It’s fine, jack. Really

Your voice is really pretty tho Can we talk tomorrow? I have something I need to tell you

What could he possibly need to tell me? I was freaking out. And now I can’t sleep even more. Fuck. This was going to be a long night.

I mean I’m awake right now

I can’t really say it right now

Well, what the fuck does that mean? I sigh and then turn around and face the wall. The bus was moving, but I felt like my stomach was moving ten thousand times faster. Him talking to me like this is the first real conversation he’s had with me. Most of the time he avoids me. Whatever it is, I guess I can wait. I prepared for a long sleepless night after that.

When I woke up, everyone was bustling about, getting ready for the day off. “Jack! Y/N!” Rian called down to us. I guess neither of us had gotten up. “We’re going out to breakfast!”

I moaned in recognition, and heard nothing from Jack, so I assumed he had gone with them. I threw my covers off and went straight to the bathroom. When I got out, I saw a tall lanky man with bed head staring at me.

“Uh. Hello.” I said stupidly.

“Hey, uh. About last night.”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to say anything. I get it. I’m a backup singer for a reason.”

“No that’s not it! Um.” He stopped talking to look down at his feet. “Look. I know this is weird. Especially since I hardly know you. But, I’ve actually been following your band for a while. And dude, you’re like insanely hot. And then I find out you’re a good person too? Last night, hearing your singing it made me realize.. Fuck, this is so stupid. It made me realize I’m in love with you.” With the last uttering of  those words, he looked up at me. “Sorry.”

“Are you fucking serious?” I raised my eyebrows, completely awestruck. Jack Barakat, the celebrity crush of my teen years was telling me he was in love with me? When it looked like he in fact, was not kidding, I immediately blushed and looked away. “Dude. I’ve been in love with you since I was like 14.”

A smile lit up his face as he started talking really fast, rambling. “Oh my god! Really? Holy shit okay, so like we can go get breakfast with the others, or we can go get breakfast by ourselves, we could walk down the Seine, we are in France after all. Holy fu-”

I started laughing, but grabbed his hand with mine, since he was waving it all around. “Slow down there, I can barely keep up. Let’s go get breakfast first, and talk this out. You’ve basically been avoiding me since I got here.”

“Well yeah, I didn’t really know how to strike up a conversation.”

I chuckled. “This is weird, huh?”

“So weird.” He nodded in agreement. I realized I was still holding his hand, but I didn’t let go. Instead we walked off the bus, headed towards the cafe for breakfast. My heart was in my throat but this felt right. After the initial break of the ice, he wouldn’t shut up, but I loved hearing his voice. He could talk for hours on end if he really wanted to.

[weregonnaneedmorewhiskey]

It’s trendy to hate

Ok, so this is kind of a follow up from a previous post from my blog post on cancel culture. Something that I have observed in the last two years on social media is that there is a trend in hyping people up to great success and then once they’ve reached that level, we then see hate start to increase. The first person I saw this happen to was Taylor Swift. After the massive success of the 1989 era, her transition into pop music, we started to see a lot of hate towards Taylor. Part of this I do believe was from the whole Kanye West/Famous situation where Kim had released a recording of Taylor and Kanye’s performance in which we hear Taylor hear the lyric “I think me and Taylor might still have sex”.

We hear Taylor respond to this lyric citing no problems with it. HOWEVER we do not hear that in that recording that Taylor know about the following lyric of making her “famous”, so I’m definitely think to this day Taylor didn’t know about that lyric until The Life of Pablo was released. After this episode of KUWTK aired, the hate for Taylor was immense. Her Instagram comments were filled with snake emoji and a hate train had arrived. Thankfully Taylor was able to take this snake narrative and turn it on it’s head in the Reputation era. Something that I love.

Another example. After Cardi’s Grammy win, she received major backlash from it to the point where she temporarily deactivated her Instagram account. Since Cardi’s Grammy win, I’ve seen a lot of people overnight start to hate Cardi and it begs to question of why do people just start to hate things that are popular. Ella Mai got a fair share of hate the other day when made reference to Jacquees singing trip at Drake’s Assassination Vacation tour where Tory Lanez brought him out as a guest (by the way, you’re in front of 20,000 + people and you sing a cover instead of your original music. That’s the perfect moment to plug your music you idiot). Once Ella, who has had little to say on the situation spoke on how she felt in that moment and yet jacquees did a whole press tour on it, people said she should “get over it” and that’s she’s jealous...a Grammy award winner with two platinum songs and probably another platinum song, a platinum album, a feature with Meek Mill and a sold out tour is jealous of Jacquees’ mediocre cover. Ok go off.

Ariana Grande is another person that received a mass amount of hate after the release of Thank U, Next accusing her of appropriating black culture when Ariana has been heavily influenced by black music from the beginning of her career. Her debut album is a throwback 90’s R&B album heavily inspired by Mariah and Whitney. I could get into the whole culture vulture argument because there is valid point to made about how people roast others for appropriation but let Bhad Bhabie become a thing (this still angers me to this day because she is a joke and a walking caricature)

It’s like it’s cool to hate what’s trendy but is this jumping on the hate train because everyone is? I strongly believe so and this is very dangerous. Kevin Hart in a recent interview spoke on this and I could not agree more on what he said. We need to all have our individual opinions, not collective ones. Why do we build people up only to want bring them down? I just don’t understand this at all. My inspiration for this post was from numerous viral hate tweets about Jennifer Lopez. Recently I keep seeing tweets undermining Jennifer’s career in music and it’s frankly quite annoying and hypocritical and shows that a lot people don’t know the ins and outs of the music industry. The claim that Jennifer has stolen songs is a narrative that has been falsely spread and a couple YouTube video which I will not share the name of because I do not want to hear this narrative at all. For those of you that don’t know, back in 2001-2 the singles I’m Real and Ain’t it Funny remix were co-written by Ashanti. Ashanti’s vocals are also featured as background. Ashanti herself had admitted that she not the so called “ghost voice” of Jennifer Lopez. Also since you lot love Ashanti, I have a crazy suggestion. SUPPORT HER MUSIC AND HER CONCERTS! If you love her so much then why is cancelling concerts because of low ticket sales and not charting. Just saying. Don’t @ me. Period. Slagging off Jennifer does nothing for either one of them when Jennifer minds her, makes money and takes care of her kids and is engaged and you’re making viral tweets like that’s gonna bother her day and brighten Ashanti’s. I’m sure Ashanti would be grateful if you supported her music instead of tweeting.

Ashanti and Jennifer are cool to this day, she’s in the Ain’t it Funny music video and Ashanti is still to this day proud of how successful the songs were. This is a very common practice, there are many examples of this in music. Joe Jonas’ See No More, Lighthouse and Justin Bieber’s Christmas Eve were all written by Chris Brown and Chris’ vocals can be clearly heard in the background and yet no one thinks that Joe and Chris are ghost singing or stole from Chris. Huh. A lot of songs originally intended for other artists get passed on and sometimes their vocals are still on the track. This is a COMMON music industry practice. Some artists write songs from other artists and aren’t even credited for their contribution. An example of this is Jason Derulo’s Want You to Want Me. Want You to Want Me was actually ghostwritten by Chris Brown for his sixth studio album X but the track was abandoned because he felt that it wasn’t cohesive with the album as a whole which I agree with. His demo can be found on YouTube which I will link but unless you go on to Wikipedia, you wouldn’t know this fact. Tracks can be stolen and that has happened but 95% of the time, it is the producer that is responsible for this or a label executive. A sample of the song Firecracker was orginally meant for Mariah Carey’s Loverboy but ended up on Jennifer Lopez’s I’m Real. It was revealed that Tommy Mottola was responsible for this happening. For those of you that don’t know who Tommy Mottola is, he was the head of Sony music all through the 1990’s and early 2000’s. Tommy Mottola is responsible for many artists careers in particular Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez. Tommy Mottola was also Mariah Carey’s first husband who she was with until 1997. Mariah has been candid about the mental and emotional abuse she dealt with in the marriage and how she practically a prisoner in her own home as Tommy controlled everything in her life. After their split, Tommy seemingly attempted to sabotage her career and the stealing of the sample was one of this many attempts. A lot of the time when events like this happen, the artist is unaware of this. Yeah 3x uses the melody of Calvin Harris’ I’m Not Alone, something that Chris Brown was not aware of until he met with Calvin Harris and he played I’m Not Alone to him. Calvin knew the producer DJ Frank E and he had uses his melody with Calvin knowing. Thankfully Calvin was then credited as a featured writer on the song and the situation was resolved. I believe to this day and it’s pretty damn obvious that Tommy Mottola used Jennifer as a pawn in his plan to ruin Mariah’s career as revenge. He put Jennifer out there as his new golden girl replacing Mariah and this helped the false narrative of feud between Mariah and Jennifer when neither artist has ever said anything negative about each other and Jennifer has said in interviews that she loves Mariah as an artist.

This became very long winded but I had to discuss this because I’ve had enough but I will say this. Have you notice a theme in the trendy to hate? Because I have. They’re all women. Women are trend to hate and men get all the glory huh? Below is all the songs I mentioned and chicagojlover on Twitter did a thread in regards all the ghost singing rumours that needs to go viral.

https://youtu.be/yy5nkChQ2E0

https://youtu.be/6kXIC_6wQgM

https://youtu.be/3mC2ixOAivA

https://youtu.be/JeTE5cnkhGc

https://youtu.be/g8MyX_ewXfM

https://youtu.be/lbh7RFWS4Ro

https://twitter.com/chicagojlover/status/1114197870519967749?s=21

[livingwithlosingyou]

Living with Losing You - 7/30/2022

Happy Anniversary, My Love.

Also - I’m pretty pissed because today of all days, I tested positive for COVID-19. It really feels like the universe has it out for me. I feel like complete shit. You promised when we met that you’d take care of me if I ever got COVID-19, so this all feels extra fucked up. 

Anyway, today, two years ago, you officially asked me to be your girlfriend. While we had dated for a little while prior, this was the day that we put a label on it.

Us. I cannot even begin to express how much I miss “us”. You were my other half, my twin flame, the calm to my storm, the bread (gluten free of course) to my butter. You understood me on a level that no one ever has. You had the biggest heart, and the kindest soul. I want to remember you in those moments, not the moments where your addiction prevailed. 

You had told me that you were going to plan something for us on this day. So, in your remembrance, I had planned to still do the things that we used to do together. Since I now am bed / apartment ridden with COVID-19, I will actually be doing exactly what you loved, and that is staying home and playing video games, watching TV shows, etc. I guess in a fucked up way, this does kind of work out because this is what you would have wanted to do. 

Your dad called me this morning, and said that I should have a grateful heart, and that maybe I was meant to stay home today for reasons I can’t understand. He referenced “This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it”. He is right. I used to sing that to the kiddos when I sang worship at church. Looking out my apartment window, it is beautiful this morning.

Some updates since I was last on this blog this morning, I hated that I had to update your gaming stuff to my information. Also, I miss you being my “Geek Squad” and trouble shooting things that just aren’t working. I am noticing it’s the little things that I miss. I also made a funny discovery on your laptop. I’ll leave it at that. You are such a goober. 

I posted that video that I had been working on for a while in honor of what would have been our anniversary. I shared part of it with you a little while ago. It was so hard to watch all of those videos and clips, but I am also so glad that I have all of these memories. 

I have tried to walk Sadie twice, but it is a little hard to breathe with COVID, so that has been tough. It’s super annoying to be tired from just trying to function. I will likely try to walk her this afternoon too, send me hearts and any energy that you have cause #thestruggleisreal. 

I had a friend schedule pho to be delivered to me for dinner, and then Marissa picked me up some drinks, food, flowers, etc. I have had so many people reach out and just offer to help me as much as they can. It really does mean a lot. I am still the equivalent of a rollercoaster of emotions. I have started reading grief books and they’re making me feel slightly less insane. 

I am sure you are laughing at the fact that I am struggling with staying still. I have never been good at being still, and especially with missing you, it’s even harder. All I want to do is FaceTime you and see you. All I can do is look at the pictures and keep you alive in my heart. 

I started writing some more, and broke out the guitar that I got for you this past Christmas. I also found some recordings of you learning how to play the guitar, which was very heart warming to hear. I really struggle because you had so much life ahead of you. I wish you saw how incredible you are, and how adored and loved you are. I say it everyday, but I will love you forever.  

I wanted to post a couple #throwbacks to when we were talking about dating. You were SO SWEET. UGH MY HEART. It continues to break as the days pass. I am eager for the day when it all just hurts a little less. One day. <3

I do not usually do this, but I needed to add an update to this blog. After heavily struggling through the day with COVID, I decided to set up a virtual urgent care appointment which led me to going to the ER (but I am okay, they prescribed me the antiviral and I am hopeful that this will help me!). While I was dreading the trip, I am glad that I went to make sure that I got the medication that I needed. COVID is no joke, Not that I ever thought it was, but the struggle has been SO FUCKING REAL. 

Everyone at the ER read through my chart, and saw that I was heavily grieving. They were all so attentive and apologetic, and think that I am this level of sickness because I am immunocompromised. Ironically (or actually, likely meant to be) my ER nurse ended up being a recovering alcoholic of about 38 years. It was great to sit and talk with her about addiction, and unfortunately the reality of suicide and alcoholism. She went on to explain the hopeless feeling that even some of those who she has known over the years felt. We talked about how when one struggles to get sober, they spiral and truly do not think there is anything else that can be done. I would be interested to see the statistics of how many deaths occur in the U.S. from this horrible disease. It all just adds fuel to my fire to really get involved in this community, and change the negative stigmatism. 

What a crazy day. what a crazy two weeks. I am doing everything I can to put my trust in God, and have faith that this will be used for good. God is good, always. 

Please continue to give myself and your family strength. I still cant believe it has been 2 weeks without you. I hate to think that I have an entire lifetime to go. 

Happy Anniversary, James Burton Nichols. 

You are the best thing, that’s ever been mine. 

Rest in Peace

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

[musicgoonmail]

God Gives More Grace

In This Edition

In this week’s edition, I write about a video I made for FCBC Walnut, going LIVE on Instagram, and what I’ve been enjoying in entertainment. As always, I share what’s new with my book reviews and point you to the all of the new free eBooks around the web.

There was a 4.5-magnitude earthquake last Friday night and it was very close to home. This was the first time that Jess and I ran to get both kids out of their cribs. It was definitely an exciting way to start our weekend, and I’m hoping that this one starts a little bit better! Thanks for spending your weekend with me here.

God Gives More Grace

IG LIVE

Free eBooks

Extended Play

Lightning Links

Playlists

Coming Soon

Weekly Review

God Gives More Grace

One church ministry that is important to me is to make sure our various sermons get posted on our church YouTube channel. When I was uploading our youth sermon by Pastor Kevin Quan, I saw a segment that I wanted to highlight as a sermon excerpt. 

To try something new, I created a 3-minute sermon excerpt that also includes a video and music component. I did a quick arrangement of a new worship song I wrote (maybe more on that another time!) and paired it with a photo. We'll see if I can fit it into my workflow to make more sermon excerpts like this. You can watch it on YouTube or IGTV.

IG LIVE

I went LIVE on Instagram with my friend Kristen to talk about her art and our church. I appreciate her openness and honesty - and it was encouraging to hear her perspective and see her perseverance. You can watch our conversation on our church YouTube or IGTV.

My friend Isabel invited me to go LIVE, and we talked about reading, school, and Canada. It was super fun to share some of my new favorite books, including Crossway’s Unfolding Grace which I just received in the mail. I'm so happy we were able to connect! I hope we get to do it again sometime. You can watch our conversation on IGTV.

Book Reviews

I published a total of 7 book reviews this week. The first 4 were new editions of a gospel set by Alabaster that will be released soon. The other 3 were academic titles, including a theology on beauty and diversity, a biblical theology of the Exodus story, and a handbook and guide to tough texts and problem passages.

On Instagram, I started pulling quotes from Twitter to include in my carousel posts. It takes a little bit of work, but I think it’s worth it overall. It’s been fun to try different things, and I am excited to change it up a bit on my feed.

Gospel of Matthew - Alabaster Bible 2nd Ed.

Gospel of Mark - Alabaster Bible 2nd Ed.

Gospel of Luke - Alabaster Bible 2nd Ed.

Gospel of John - Alabaster Bible 2nd Ed.

The Beautiful Community by Irwyn L. Ince Jr.

Exodus Old and New by L. Michael Morales

Navigating Tough Texts by Murray J. Harris

Free eBooks

This week, the Gospel Coalition announced their series of 250 Theological Essays. There’s a lot to take in, but a good place to start would be checking out some favorites from Phil Thompson. He manages strategy and development for TGC’s digital properties. You can see them on his blog.

In case you missed it, Crossway and 9Marks released a free audiobook: How Can I Love Church Members with Different Politics? For more from Crossway and 9Marks, you can download a free eBook: Prayer: How Praying Together Shapes the Church by John Onwuchekwa. I want you to read more, and there are so many great eBooks you can find for free. Check out the list below for more free recent reads.

The Gospel Coalition: 250 Theological Essays

Crossway and 9 Marks: How Can I Love Church Members with Different Politics?

Crossway and 9Marks: Prayer: How Praying Together Shapes the Church by John Onwuchekwa

The Gospel Coalition: 9 Free eBooks by D. A. Carson

The Good Book Company: Exodus For You by Tim Chester

Tabletalk Magazine: Time and the Christian Life by Ligonier Ministries

Extended Play

The article that impacted me the most this week was Adoption and the Integrity of the Family by Russell Moore. His boys are now 18, and he reflects what he has learned about becoming a family through adoption. I’m happy that he continues to share about their adoption journey. His book, Adopted for Life, literally changed my life as it planted the idea of adoption in my mind.

I was trying to decide what my favorite Mission: Impossible movie was last weekend. While not as epic as Rogue Nation and not as spectacular as Fallout, Ghost Protocol is fun, memorable, and has an amazing score. 

Throwback: 5 Ways To Lead Worship When You’re Not On Stage

Article: Adoption and the Integrity of the Family by Rusell Moore

Sermon: The Love of Human Praise as the Root of Unbelief by John Piper

Movie: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

TV: Community

Book: Worship and the World to Come by Glenn Packiam

Music: My Anchor by NewStory Church

Lightning Links

These quick hits are exclusive to my newsletter readers. Some struck immediately before writing this newsletter. I don’t necessarily endorse the positions or lives of these authors. Some may contain sensitive language. I find them all extremely interesting.

Journalists Are Leaving the Noisy Internet for Your Email Inbox

TikTok has been saved. But for music, is that a good thing?

Brad Pitt is a master class in how to play the game as a celebrity. Case in point: his Fast Times at Ridgemont High table-read performance.

Kanye West’s War Against Record Contracts Could Actually Work — for Kanye, Anyway

Joe Rigney Is President-Elect of Bethlehem College & Seminary

Playlists

MUSICGOON: 7 songs I enjoyed this week.

SVRGNLA: Jess and I love these songs.

ETJ: Music that inspires my band.

DIDD: A crowd-sourced worship playlist.

TGIF: SOLA Network friends and faves.

This is FCBC Walnut: The songs we sing at church.

Coming Soon

I have several upcoming book reviews from a variety of publishers, and a lot of them have beautiful hardback covers which should make for some better photos. Be on the lookout for books from InterVarsity Press, Lexham Press, Banner of Truth, and Crossway.

We have our small group tonight with other married couples at our church, and we’ll be discussing A Famous and Forgotten Romance: Six Lessons for Marriage and Ministry by Marshall Segal at DesiringGod. And for the first time in 7 months, I'll be leading music at church on Sunday. I asked for prayer in our church newsletter by sharing a 2-minute video that you can watch on YouTube. Would you please pray for me, too?

Weekly Review

SOLA: What We Can Learn from John Chau / What 1 Corinthians 7 Says About Desertion and Divorce / Embodied Creativity: Delighting in God Through Diversity / From Killing Fields to Harvest Fields: Why Christianity Is Growing in Cambodia

TGIF: FCBC Walnut: God Gives More Grace / NewStory Church: The Blessing

Book Review: Navigating Tough Texts by Murray J. Harris

Book Review: Exodus Old and New by L. Michael Morales

Book Review: The Beautiful Community by Irwyn L. Ince Jr.

Book Review: Gospel of John - Alabaster Bible 2nd Ed.

Book Review: Gospel of Luke - Alabaster Bible 2nd Ed.

Book Review: Gospel of Mark - Alabaster Bible 2nd Ed.

Book Review: Gospel of Matthew - Alabaster Bible 2nd Ed.

Recommended Reading: 5 Stumbling Blocks to Pastoral Honesty / The Local Church Was Made To Serve The Christian, Not The Christian The Local Church / Our Job Is Not to Be Jesus: Battling Codependency in Ministry / Secondary Infertility: Awkward Sorrow, Useful Instructor

[angeltriestoblog]

I went from reluctant leader to ACTM officer!

Kind of a late update but after what seemed like an endless discernment period and an unforgivably rigorous application process (on my part), I’m officially the Ateneo Association for Communications Technology Management’s Associate Vice President for Documentations! And yes, I’m aware that’s a mouthful so from this point on, I am referring to myself as ACTM’s AVP for Docs.

I honestly did not see this coming though: Freshman Angel stuck out like a sore thumb in her home org. In addition to finding all upperclassmen intimidating as I do with anyone born at least a day before me, I felt like I was just… not feeling it most of the time. All I lacked was a button that read “I really wish I weren’t here right now!” pinned to my shirt. It was only when I was a sophomore, familiar with the organization’s events and able to see them up close that I realized that I didn’t remember going through most of them myself. Although I’m pretty sure I was present because it was mandatory for all new members, I don’t recall going to a general assembly, being briefed on the different departments within the org, and especially being taught what our core competency was. I was very content with doing the bare minimum as a Docs Head: going to meetings to take minutes and do registration, nagging at the project heads and point people to submit the necessary requirements for post-documentations, and smiling shyly and saying “I’m ok!” when people asked me how I was.

Although I was much more active in my second year, I never realized I wanted to increase my level of involvement until I went to LEAP, the three-day leadership training seminar in Zambales I raved about in my first semester recap blog post. It was there when I noticed the home aspect that ACTM prides itself on: everybody—regardless of batch and predetermined social circle—bonding in more ways than one, both with and without the influence of alcohol, just having a great time and joking around like they’ve been friends forever. I saw just how much ACTM was investing in me to help me realize that maybe I could be an officer too. Maybe I could contribute to the great culture that makes us so much of a family. But of course, that thought quickly found its way to the backburner the minute we boarded the bus back to Manila.

I never really saw myself as leader material after several failed stints in my old school: I was the secretary who forgot to ask the teacher to sign the attendance sheet, or the vice president that ran out of the classroom first during earthquake drills when I was supposed to be last in line to check if all appliances were off. (In my defense, it was an act of self-preservation.) I didn’t realize it then while I was busy wreaking havoc in every homeroom class I found myself in but when I finally grew up, for the lack of a better term, I came to the conclusion that being put in charge of a group of people would only bring disastrous consequences and I didn’t want anyone involved in that.

Fast forward to several months later: I had an individual consultation with my boss Chelsea, the previous holder of my current position, to help with her plans in running for vice president of our department. Somewhere along the way, she tapped me to fill her shoes—a request that was met with a high-pitched “WEH?” that probably shocked everyone on the third floor of MVP that day. I had been diligently doing my work for two years, she said, just as long as she has so I knew enough about the processes. Back then, I was very preoccupied with two other extracurricular commitments and had plans of joining three more the next school year. My goals and ambitions were all over the place and I guess it reflected in the way I skirted around the topic because she just patted my knee (throwback to the time when physical contact was still acceptable) and told me to think about it. Real hard.

I guess this lockdown period also served as the time for discernment I needed: I weighed the pros and cons, made the necessary trade-offs, and got the insights of those I trusted, mostly by pestering them with uppercase keyboard smashes. I’d think I had a final decision one day then wake up the next, completely changing my stance. It’s not like I didn’t want to serve—I guess I just wasn’t giving myself permission to believe I could. I can’t really pinpoint when it happened but one day, my brain went: “What the heck. What could possibly go wrong?”

—

After making the decision to run, I felt at peace, no longer overthinking about every single thinking that could possibly go wrong, just eager for the day application season would formally start. Well, that is until I received the actual notification from the Ateneo ACTM page that said a Facebook group for all AVP aspirants had been made. I tossed my laptop aside and started yelling, much to the dismay of my mother who was on the receiving end of all this panic. Over the next few days, I would watch the electoral talk that followed, a webinar of sorts that basically gave a rundown of the process we would have to go through should we want to take on the challenge. 

One of my requirements was a long-ass form complete with questions about myself, my leadership skills, the department, and the organization. I remember looking through the platforms of the Executive Board applicants during the first wave of elections and saying to myself, “Wow, I hope I don’t have to fill up something that long. I would cry my ass off!” only to find out that I would have to submit almost an exact replica of that and truly enough, cry my ass off. While Noelle, our EVP, was glossing over everything, I took these pictures on my laptop’s photo booth to express my frustration and sent them to my friend Julia, who was also watching via Zoom. I was actually very paranoid that I had my video on during the call and would end up exposing my contorted facial expressions to all 70 people watching the livestream. Thankfully, the universe was merciful enough to be on my side at the time.

Believe me, I wanted to get started with the work the minute the virtual meeting ended: I felt like I needed to so everything wouldn’t pile up and paralyze me on the day of the deadline. But even early on, I was already pretty overwhelmed and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. So I lay down on my bed for the rest of the night and played Ribs by Lorde on repeat. It was an effective coping mechanism then but I instantly regret it the next day once I realized just how much time I had wasted doing nothing when there was so much to be accomplished.

I answered the introspective questions pretty quickly: thanks to my sense of self-awareness, I was able to identify my strengths and weaknesses well. What I really struggled with was the platform. I couldn’t generate any original ideas that I felt could solve the problems I spotted—I had wondered if I could just copy paste Chelsea’s platform and add comments such as “Same” or “RT” on the side and call it a day. Thankfully, this is what individual consultations were for. I contacted Elise, a co-Docs Head from the previous school year, and Gella, my boss back in freshman year and both were kind enough to bounce ideas off me and give me reassurance that the working drafts I had in my mind were actually worth executing. With their insight (and a lot of ice cream), I was able to finish my application form days before I expected to.

I also wrapped up shooting my platform presentation ahead of schedule. I couldn’t find any decent background at home besides this one cabinet but I failed to notice that part of its door was actually faded until I was already done filming. In an attempt to hide it in a way that still appeared on-brand, I slapped some star and cloud stickers on the video and claimed that it matched my own name. The only obstacle I had to overcome was practicing for my panels.

The fact that my question and answer session with the Executive Board was to held be online instead of in-person given our circumstances was supposed to comfort me somehow. But either way, not knowing which answers were going to be expected of me gave me a great deal of anxiety. To stave off this irrational fear, I prepared a Quizlet with 27 potential questions or points for clarification on one side, and my response on the other, which I rehearsed with just the right amount of uh’s and um’s interspersed to make it look as spontaneous as possible. Maybe my greatest sacrifice though was boycotting any TV shows or movies until I was done presenting because even the most mindless programming could take away precious brain cells needed to retain more important information.

On the day of my actual interview, I was feeling pretty confident. I had gone the extra mile by preparing an hour early and recording videos of myself answering my imaginary questions on my laptop camera. This way, I felt like I was simulating the actual experience. But not even this form of planning could have prepared me for the real deal. I wish I could tell you more about how it went but I was so nervous that I blacked out. I vaguely remember puckering my lips and flashing a peace sign every time I didn’t know the answer to something and had to respond with, “I will look into that if I ever get the position.” I also remember that not a single one out of the 27 questions I had committed to memory was asked.

As expected, I was the most relieved when it was over, I didn’t even feel embarrassed until much later on. I got out of my smart casual attire, slipped into some pajamas, watched a movie, and finished the tub of Coffee Crumble waiting in the freezer as a reward. Two days later, I had received a message from Chelsea asking if she could call me. My friend Iverson had said that results are announced to all applicants via phone call before being released to the public at night. It’s not a clear indicator that I was the one they chose, which was horrifying because who wants to be rejected over the phone? My younger self hated Joe Jonas and what he did to Taylor Swift for precisely this reason!

Thankfully, I was only met with good news. Chelsea had told me that I had been chosen by the Executive Board and I was ACTM’s new AVP for Docs. I hadn’t eaten breakfast at the time despite the fact that it was 10 minutes to noon at the time so it took a while for my nutrient-deprived brain to generate the appropriate reaction. The joy kicked in eventually: I jumped up and down and yelled I’M SO HAPPY so many times once the call ended that the words have started to lose meaning.

Since then, I’ve spent my time familiarizing myself with my roles and responsibilities while getting to know everyone else on the team. I’ve had a video call via Google Meets with the people in my department where we leveled off, got to know one another better, and set our goals for the year as we watched Chelsea eat pasta. Very wholesome! EC Wars was also pretty fun: all eight departments of the organization were head-to-head in different challenges. It kinda reminded me of high school intramurals but with less broken friendships. We had to auction one another a la Unsubtle Syota Searching, make a Tiktok introducing our department, its relevance and the roles of each member (which officially launched my career as the org’s official Kris Aquino impersonator), and had a chaotic game of Bring Me through Facebook Messenger. Yes, it’s possible but not if you’re a PLDT subscriber! I also got put in a group with other members of the EC for an activity where we had to make an IMC campaign for a chosen advocacy. As the Mind Readers (named as such because of the multiple instances we sent the exact same message at the same time), we were assigned to tackle sustainable fashion and I have to say that our finished product was, as Dani Rosales herself would call it, “hot”.

This week, we’re on to the more serious stuff: revising internal procedures, refining platform points, etc etc. The fear caused by my self-doubt is further compounded by our current situation, which is keeping us from performing our tasks the way we envisioned we would. But I am a hundred percent confident that since I’m with the right people and we’re all doing the very best we can, it’s going to be one crazy fulfilling year ahead for all of us. I’m endlessly grateful to ACTM for taking a chance on me! Shoutout, of course, to: (1) Chelsea for serving as the final push I needed to decide that serving this organization is what I wanted to do; (2) all my friends who told me I had nothing to worry about while I was being neurotic and who were the first to congratulate me and say that they told me so; and (3) my parents who listened to my rants even if they were 90% org-related jargon.

Wishing you all love and light,

Angel

[outlawsandcircles]

Farewell Teen Wolf 🐺

Wow, that finale was intense and as happy as I was to see Stydia reunited I will always feel a little unfulfilled. That’s not to say that I’m not thankful for all the great things we got and even the little throwbacks. Also I’m forever greatful that Dylan made the show and his fans a priority considering he was recovering from his accident and shooting two movies. When I look back on the show I will remember all of the amazing moments that came before the schedules got too buesy and it was the core four. I did however love the familiar Stydia banter that we were blessed with, as well as the on cue comic relief that the show has been missing in Stiles absence.

The Healing Kiss (A conduet to Stydia)

I would have loved to have had more of a physical moment between the two, but honestly Stiles and Lydia have had more intimacy in their touches then most show with full on sex scenes so I can live with it. I do think that moment Scott couldn’t heal where Lydia and Stiles locked fingers and she immediately thought back to how her kiss saved Stiles, and she was telling Malia to kiss scott for the same reason. This scene was not only meant to be a throw back, but it was almost like the kiss was being done vicariously though Malia and Scott. We all instantly thought of Stydia and the panic kiss as Jeff knew we would. I think it was meant to show the power that Stydia had as a relationship and how that translated into actually saving Scott’s life. It seem like everything was being set up incase Jeff was to get the spinoff he wants and I would totally be on board with a with a show where we get to see our favs once in a while. I really loved the sterek scenes, especially where Stiles was the one one being carried out of the warehouse. I also really loved that we got to see void Stiles again, because season three was by favorite and Dylan just plays that character so well. Another really great moment for me was Theo taking the pain of his enemy, this was his ultimate redemption arc. He had to see past someone’s actions underneath and he was finally able to see that with him. I literally cried during that moment, because he didn’t have to take his pain, he was going to die within minutes, but he did and that was the point were I knew he had changed and was now worthy to be apart of Scott’s pack. This show has been a literal rollercoaster for me and my blog will show just that. I have been here since the start, six years ago when I saw the commercial for this show based on the 1980s movie that was originally a comedy. I thought, no way am I going to like this show, but then premier night came around and I was introduced to Scott, Stiles, Lydia, and the Forever immortalized Allison. It would be an understatement to say I was hooked. It wasn’t till about the 2nd season that I discovered the teen Wolf fandom here on tumblr and became obsessed with the Stydia shippers, but I quickly found out that this fandom was one of the coolest their was. Everyone thought we were delusional for thinking Stiles & Lydia would be endgame, but we always supported each other and we have officially achieved cannon status. I can’t wait to read all of the amazing fics that will follow this finale and plan on writing some myself, because let’s be real, we are all so thirsty from the lack of Stydia in this final season and their is just so much potential literally from the first episode. Personally I would start with someone, anyone telling Stiles what the hell is going on so he can come back and help remedy the situation before anyone actually gets shot, but that doesn’t mean I’m not eager to read all the fics with him rushing back to be by Lydia’s side when she wakes up in the hospital, you know because that’s how it should have went. It’s hard to be upset when we got so much more than we were suppose to. Now if Dylan hadn’t come back at all their would be a lot more curse words in this post, along with some very angry reaction gifs. So once again let’s just be so grateful that Dylan cares so much about us, his fans and the show that made him, because he’s been through so much that I honestly wouldn’t have blamed him had he not come back. 

All and all I’m satisfied with what we got and I loved that the last shot was of Scott and his pack. I’ll miss this show and everyone who has contributed to this fandom so very much.

[bryanllamado]

10 Awesome Things This Week | 05

How do I even begin writing this entry? *sighs* I’m actually running out of ways to start off 10 Awesome Things This Week–let alone, blog entries in general. So ito na lang… I just woke up from a good nap when I decided to check social media; found out that classes are suspended until tomorrow (13th of September). I feel ambivalent towards it: 1.) I’m getting another free day to do whatever I want or sleep and 2.) I’m not getting my tuition’s worth and/or school works and activities are pushed back to later dates. So there, I’m torn between rejoicing about the suspension and contemplating on what I could’ve learned at school (if there are classes, hypothetically). Just when I thought that this week will be productive as the previous one but then, going to school on a bad weather can’t get any more aggravating (told you, I’m really indecisive on what to feel). For now, I’ll be giving you a quick rundown of 10 awesome things that happened / occurred / took place last week.

1.     Finished The Death Cure

Finally, I finished reading The Death Cure (5th book of The Maze Runner chronologically; 3rd overall). Now, I’m currently deciding whether I should read another book or proceed right away to The Kill Oder–the only book I haven’t read in the series. Help me decide on what to read. Any good reads suggestions?

2.     DENHS FS 3 and 4 Deployment

Dasmariñas East National High School is our cooperating school in Field Study 3 and 4 and we just got deployed last week. Apparently, due to academic demands, I haven’t started my duty yet (not to mention that I need to complete 30 hours for it). Iba talaga ang buhay guro! #PAWER

To those who are saying the Education is an ‘easy course’, get your facts straight because you have no idea on what you’re talking about.

3.     Sobrang Cheesy Burger

Sari Café–one of my fave local cafes–has two branches and (I constantly visit /we visited) the nearest one, Congressional Ave. branch. I got to try their Dalandan juice and Sobrang Cheesy Burger. If you are a fan of cheesy treats or a cheese lover in general, the aforementioned burger is a must try!

4.     Back to Vanity

I’m not necessarily a vain person. Yes, I take lots of selfies on Snapchat and loves to take showers but I don’t really use skin regimen (wait, what?) and other vanity related products. Last week, I decided to try some skin related products and seeing the results makes me want to continue using them. #progressisreal

5.     Inspiration: The Flame the Fires the Soul

I kept saying that last week was the most fulfilling week I’ve had so far this semester but much of the fulfillment came from this. Imagine, we just finished our final output in Special Topics 1 (which is an actual seminar), we had an international speaker from La Salle Campus Madrid, I got to meet Dr. Jesus Alcoba Gonzales and the brother president of La Salle Centro Universitario upfront.

I hope to write a separate and detailed entry about this but for now, click here.

6.     Enca2016 Throwback

There have been a lot of references to Encantadia 2016 Season 2 and I just can’t calm myself down–by just merely thinking about it. At first, I just managed to read articles and interviews about it but then, I saw episode highlights and teasers (of the 1st season) and ended up binge watching. Estasectu!

7.     Beef Srirachi Ramen

I got to try Tokyo Tokyo’s newest ramen flavor last week, the Beef Srirachi Ramen. #cravingsatisfied I learned about it when one of my favorite bloggers posted about it. It has a tolerable amount of spice, flavorsome beef and the comforting taste of ramen soup. It is yet another must try!

8.     BAP 1st Lesson

I mentioned Balik Aral Program in an entry before and just last Friday (8th of September), we had our first lesson under the strand of Expanding One’s World View. Conducting an actual lesson got me feeling worried but it was smooth sailing in general. Looking forward to the succeeding lessons and modules!

9.     Saw Insurgent and Allegiant

I took the time this weekend to catch up my favorite films (ya know, the usual re-watching). I have seen these two films more than a couple of times before but I still re-watched them because I can’t wait for Ascendant–the last film in the franchise.

Unfortunately, the film was downgraded into a TV movie (instead of a theatrical release) due to the underperformance of the recent film. *sighs*

10.                        Humility and Inspiration

I guess the Lord’s biggest message to me last week is to be inspired yet remain humble. Inspiration is amazing; I’ve seen it work wonders in me. On the other end, humility, too, is a virtue. Last week definitely was the best time to get this message and reminder from the Lord. Thank you, Lord!

Those are just 10 of the awesome things that happened last week.

Bry. 083017

[wanderlustwonderlots]

Day 10 - The Last Day

I’m writing this back in Canada, so forgive the delay!  I’m a lil tired!  But I’ll finish up with the last post </3

Final Fieldwork

On the last day, we didn’t have any participants set up for Team Nasal Harmony.  Ideally we would have gone back to Austria to get more from the speakers there, but they weren’t keen on having us back.  So, we drove out to the Prlekija   region, about two hours east of Ljubljana, right in the corner of Slovenia hugged by Croatia.  Specifically, we went to the town of Središče! Which I can sometimes pronounce properly!  We brought another linguist with us, Karmen.  She’s done research on presence of nasal [ j ] in Slovenian dialects, and we used her map and cited her in our presentation back at the beginning of the trip, so it was nice to meet her.  She was really kind and spoke to us in English lots so Deepam and I wouldn’t get lost in her conversations with Peter!  

I slept most of the ride there (and back) as I’d gotten up early again, as always, but when I was awake the drive was gorgeous of course.   We were in a fairly flat part of Slovenia by the end of the drive, but “flat” still means lots of hills and mountains in the distance. When we first started out, still in the hills, I saw the coolest thing!  The trees were steaming!  It was so early in the morning and it was a little chilly and gloomy but the trees were still warm, so air was rising off of them.  I had only seen something like this once before, back in Ontario, and much less substantial.  We could see the trees way in the distance doing this.  The air was rolling out of them slowly and calmly but we could still see it moving!  What a beautiful thing to witness.

It’s always funny to hear how the navigation narration tries to pronounce Slovenian words, but the funniest was on this trip.  We passed a town called Ptuj, but in the instructions the voice didn’t even attempt this one.. and just spelled out P-T-U-J.  The poor software can’t keep up with all the unfamiliar sounds and consonant clusters!  At first attempt I can’t either so I don’t blame it.

Once we got to Središče, we parked near the church and started walking around in search of someone to talk to.  We really didn’t have a plan for the day!  We saw a woman working in her backyard, so Peter and Karmen went to talk to her while Deepam and I stood around looking awkward. She wasn’t able to participate, nor anyone she lived with, but she pointed us in the direction of the local municipal building to find help.  It was great of her to talk to them for so long and to try to help as best she could!  So off we went to the next step.  Just outside the building there was the TINIEST kitten I have ever seen!! I’m still thinking about it!!! I wanted to spend more time with it and pick it up and cuddle it but I didn’t have time :( I felt a little bad for it, its eyes were a lil runny and it was so small it was still unbalanced while walking!! Super cute though, and truly a good omen for the day.

So upon going into the municipal building, we found a woman who I think we were going to ask to recommend people or contact people for us, I’m not too sure.  But she actually participated in the experiment for us!  I’m not sure what her name was.. but she was very nice. So we set up the laptop and the nasalance mask at her desk as other employees brought us coffee and water.  She seemed interested and keen on it and did a great job with the stimuli!  The way it worked, similarly to in Austria, was Peter or Karmen would ask the participant how to say something or what a word for ___ would be, and the speaker would give their answer until we got the right term for it.  Then Deepam and I record and save it, and Peter would ask them to say a similar word but with a segment changed out. At least based on what they were saying, this is what I’m fairly certain was happening.  For example, “svila” but with a /j/ would be “svija”.  This was a way to create minimal pairs from real words that already existed - an easier way to elicit sounds than nonce words, which can be tricky.  She did really well with them though!  After we finished the stimuli, she called up a couple people in town for us who might be able to participate as well.  One man was out of town but another woman was able to do it so we went to her house.

One of the other employees was kind enough to walk us to the house rather than just showing us the way!  It was a small town and very close so only took a couple minutes but I still found it very nice of her.  The woman we recorded second was 94 years old! Born in 1923!  Wow!  We ran the same tasks as we did before, recording about 40 words.  She did so well with the mask and a great job overall.  Some things took multiple explanations from Peter, Karmen, and her son, but if I were 94 I would need the same.  Her and her son were so hospitable, inviting strangers into their home to do experimentation, and offering us drinks and cookies afterward.  It was what we’d been experiencing on each day of fieldwork but those were all after setting them up previously and this was straight out of the blue.  Everyone I interacted with on this trip was equally as kind and inviting.  We were there as researchers but also as guests, each time.  It was valuable to learn how to be both, and even more so in an unfamiliar language and culture.  

We could have potentially found another participant, but Peter had more stuff to do in the evening for Wenxuan’s project, so we called it a day with just the two.  We stopped at a cafe before heading out for a snack - ice cream and coffees.  I opted for one scoop of pistachio and another of mixed nuts, and an espresso as usual.  I never used to like espresso but I’m glad I do now, because it’s all I was drinking when we got coffee out!  So strong and satisfying, and this was an especially nice complement to the sweet ice cream.  The cafe was beautiful too, a couple smaller rooms in the place, all with tons and tons of plants.  It was a great atmosphere, very homey and relaxing.  The woman that served us was lovely, Deepam and I chatted with her about why were there in Središče and Slovenia in general.  She was really impressed that students from Toronto came all the way to the small town to do research!  We could have talked longer but we had to head home again.  It was a satisfying stop before we left though and made me even happier to have stopped in the town and talked to the people there.

After we got home, we ended up just relaxing for a bit.  Peter had to leave soon after to record another person with Wenxuan, but we stayed back to clean, pack, and help cook dinner with Andrea and Rachel.  I managed to pack almost all of my stuff between getting home and cooking dinner which was great!  We listened to music and sang along as we cooked, it was so fun and happy!  Lots of classics, some throwbacks, and a couple good sing-alongs. It was a nice home cooked meal to use up everything left i the fridge!  We waited until Wenxuan and Peter were back to eat so it ended up being kinda late, but also we wanted it to be a family dinner with everyone!  We had a salad with all the produce left, hard-boiled eggs, and homemade croutons, roasted carrots and whole garlic gloves, and baguette baked with either cheese or meat on top. The garlic was sooo soft and delicious, we just spread it on the bread like butter.  I have to make it that way more often!! The salad was also super fresh and tasty. We also finished the bottle of wine we had started earlier in the week - a very satisfying cheers after 10 days of working hard.  

It was a wholesome dinner with a wholesome bunch of people <3 

Final Thoughts

I’m so happy I could be part of such an incredible trip, it’s an experience I won’t forget.  I became so close with everyone and I feel like I’ve grown as a person.  I’m on my way to becoming a true linguist!  It was such a valuable trip and I’m a little sad it’s over.  As nice as it is to be back in a familiar city with my cat, back to the usual days, Slovenia will be on my mind for a while. If ever given the opportunity I would absolutely come back here for research!  I would very much like to come back by myself when I have the chance, to explore the city of Ljubljana, seeing museums and galleries and just walking around like I did on my last Europe trip.  I do still love being by myself, being able to take things in at my own pace and on my own terms.   It was really interesting traveling with a group though, and a lot of fun with everyone.  I felt like I was able to be a classic tourist more comfortably, taking photos of everything and gawking, and it was nice having people to take photos of me too, something I really missed while traveling solo!  

Having done real research on endangered dialects and working with real participants, I’m so excited for what my future holds for me.  I’m incredibly happy to be in this field and explore the options ahead of me!  I hope that I can do fieldwork again soon and see how it differs in different environments and on different projects.  I’ve gained so much more than just data from this trip!  But before looking onto what I can do next, I’ll have to buckle down and analyze everything for this project.  We’ll be presenting at a workshop here in Toronto on August 15th, so lots to do before that!  Peter plans on going back to Prlekija again (as he’s staying in Slovenia until mid-August) so he’ll have more data to send to us later as well.  The rest of my summer certainly won’t be boring!!

All in all, this trip has been absolutely amazing.  I met to many kind people, I made great bonds with the team, and I’m even more passionate than before about linguistics.  Who knows what the future holds for me, and if it will involve this blog again...  Thank you to all who kept up with my adventures and I hope you enjoyed reading about them!  Until next time~