#throughout the day i had been debating whether or not i had a crush on these two different people in my life

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

I AM. CONFUSED.

[delicatebarness]

i cant read your mind | chapter one

Summary: It has been six months since half the universe came back, six months since Steve left, six months since you lost Natasha, and three months since finding out the man you were sleeping with wanted to end it.

Warnings: MCU Spoilers. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier spoilers throughout.

Word Count: 1600

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A/N: I have watched TFATWS at least 6 times this week so I am prepared for this.

Tags: @blackhawkfanatic | @cjand10 | @wintrsoldrluvr | @missvelvetsstuff

As Sam addressed the crowd at the Smithsonian, you listened to his every word by Rhodey’s side. You let yourself laugh at the appropriate moments and fought back tears as your friend paid tribute to another. Your heart ached as you watched him pass on the shield, the symbol that guided you to become the best agent you could and more.

“I can’t do this,” you murmured almost inaudibly as you slipped away from the crowd, retreating to the quiet street. You steadied your thoughts, taking a few deep breaths. Retrieving your phone from your purse, you hesitated before dialing a number. “Come on,” you urged as the ringing persisted. 

Disappointment washes over you as you realize there’s no answer on the other end, you stand there for a moment. Staring at your call lost, feeling the loneliness creep in as you see that none of your calls have been picked up. Taking another deep breath, you put your phone back and start walking. Each step is a deliberate effort to move forward. 

While navigating the streets of Washington, your thoughts are focused on the events at the Smithsonian. The passing of the shield symbolized the end of an era for you. An era that had taken over your entire adult life. 

~

You enter your quiet apartment and sink onto the couch. The weight of the day, flight, and lack of food were starting to seem heavier, you couldn’t bring yourself to get changed out of the formal black dress you had been wearing since half four that morning. You retrieved your phone from your purse once again, your fingers hovering over the screen as you debated whether to try calling again. 

You knew it was getting late but you dialed the number again, heart pounding with anticipation. As the phone rang, you tried not getting your hopes up, but they were crushed when it went to voicemail. 

Sighing deeply, you set your phone down as you got back up from the couch and made your way back out into the street. You were proud of yourself for not letting the tears spill down your cheeks. 

The streets were quiet, and the soft glow of the streetlights offered a semblance of solace. With no destination in your mind, you wandered as the hunger gnawed at your stomach. Searching for a nearby restaurant for a late-night bite, you approached the diner you knew as Izzy. 

Your heart lurched in your chest as you recognized the figure through the window, sitting opposite a woman, she seemed to be laughing at whatever it was he was telling her. Playing a game of Battleship and drinking. “Not like that’s going to affect him,” you thought as you took in the sight. For a moment, you stood frozen in place, the tears you previously held back now beginning to spill. 

~

Once you were home and washed the day off of you, a hint of optimism rose from within you. Deciding to open yourself up to a new experience, you downloaded a popular dating app and uploaded all the photos of you in dresses that hugged your body just the way you loved. The way he once said should be for his eyes only. Swiping through profiles, it didn’t take long for you to come across someone who caught your eye, and match with them. 

You exchanged messages for the rest of the night, at some point agreeing to meet for brunch the next morning.

~

Your date was waiting for you when you arrived at the cafe, a friendly smile lighting up his face. Exchanging greetings, he pulled out a chair for you and helped with your coat and bag. You thanked him, finding yourself relaxed in his company. 

Settling into conversation, you shared stories, laughed, and began feeling a genuine connection. You hadn’t allowed yourself to truly feel this happy in three months, letting yourself let go of the weight that had been pressed into your chest for so long.

“Is that? Is that The Winter Soldier?” your date asked, his focus moving away from you and instead toward the entrance of the cafe. Turning your gaze over to where your date had been looking, it felt like time stopped as you looked into the eyes of a furrowing James Buchanan Barnes. His fist clenched under his leather gloves. 

“Here we go,” you mumbled under your breath as you noticed him making his way over to you. With trembling hands, you reached for the glass of champagne that sat on the table in front of you. Tilting the glass back, you swallowed every last drop of it in an attempt to calm yourself down. 

“I need to speak to you,” Bucky growled, his voice low and commanding as he towered over you. As much as you’ve wanted nothing more than to be around him for the last three months, you kept your gaze fixed on your date. “Now.” 

“I’m on a date,” your tone even with a hint of defiance as you responded to the super soldier. You watched as the eyes of your date filled with fear and amazement. 

“I can see that,” he replied dryly, sarcasm dripping in his tone as he gave your date a pointed look. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, sensing the tension between you and Bucky. 

“Whatever you have to say, it can wait,” your voice steady despite the adrenaline coursing through your veins. “I’m here with someone else,” you added emphasis on ‘someone else’ as you sensed him tense up beside you. 

Your date cleared his throat, shooting a hesitant glance between you and Bucky. He spoke up, his tone polite but uneasy. “Perhaps I should… give you two some privacy?” He began to stand from the table, making his way over to the restrooms. Bucky quickly sat in the seat he had previously occupied. 

Your gaze was ablaze with a mixture of hurt and frustration as you finally made eye contact with Bucky. “What do you want?” your voice trembled slightly. 

Bucky couldn’t suppress the sarcasm that came from his tone as he looked over toward the restrooms. “Well, he seems like a real charmer,” his tone full of irony. 

You shot him a disapproving look, eyebrows knitting together in a silent warning. “Again, what do you want?” Bucky looked back at you, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. Rolling your eyes, you defended the man you had known for less than 12 hours. “He’s a nice guy,” 

Leaning back in his seat, Bucky folded his arms across his chest as he sent you a knowing look. “If you say so,” he remarked. If it wasn’t for the dry and snarky tone, you’d have thought he was backing down. “And, I’m sure he can handle a doll such as you,” he continued while sending you a wink. 

“Can’t you just go back to ignoring me like you have done for the last three months?” you sighed, picking up your fork and using it to move food around your plate.

“I saw the pictures you used for your little dating profile,” he glared at you when he noticed a smirk now taking place over your lips.

You shrugged nonchalantly and replied with a calm tone. “Yeah, and?”

His jaw tightened at your response, frustration simmering beneath the surface. “Thought they were only for me?” he pressed.

Your expression softened, remorse flickering over your features as you looked back at him. “Things change,” you murmured, your voice tinged with regret. “I waited five years for you to come back, five years of not even knowing if you were coming back,” your voice quivered with emotion.

Bucky’s gaze softened, and he straightened his posture. “I know-” he began to speak but you cut him off before he could finish.

“No, Bucky, you don’t” you shot back at him, your voice rising with each word. “You couldn’t possibly understand what it was like, not know where you went, or if you were alive or dead, or if you’d even come back,” 

His jaw once again clenched, “I waited over 90 years for you to come into my life,” he confessed, his voice thick with emotion and vulnerability. 

Your eyes widened at his admission, you were both surprised and in disbelief, “But yet, you only waited three months before jumping into bed with someone else,” you accused, voice thick with bitterness. “How was your night of Battleship, by the way?”

His hands balled into fists on top of the table, his voice raised to match yours. “Firstly, I didn’t sleep with her,” he retorted. “And secondly, what the fuck is this?” he gestures toward your date as he started to make his way back out of the restroom.

“I’m sorry,” your date now interrupts your conversation with Bucky as he makes his way back over to you. “I didn’t know you two are exes,” 

“He’s not my ex!” 

“She’s not my ex!”

~

Alone in the dimly lit apartment, you allowed yourself to have a moment to rest, closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths. The weight of your date pressing down on your shoulders. Surprisingly, he asked for a second date. Once Bucky had left, he offered to take you out again another time. You happily agreed.

As you began to drift into a state of relaxation, the sound of the television caught your attention. “... it is with great honor that we announce here today that the United States of America has a new hero. Join me in welcoming your new Captain America.” 

“What the fuck?!”

---

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[poomphuripan]

what do you think of the comments on mdl of my stand in calling ming a cheater?

hi nonnie []~(￣▽￣)~* that's actually something i've been thinking to write about because i saw those remarks as well but it is such a controversial thing to discuss. if you don't mind, this discussion post will be filled with mild spoilers of the novel.

!!!!!! novel spoilers warning !!!!!!

alright so first of all, @ineffable-opinions wrote an excellent post about the danmei tropes in my stand-in (which i highly recommend everyone to read). this is a great post as they discussed the white moonlight trope presented in my stand-in.

i don't consider ming, a cheater because as i see it, tong was simply ming's white moonlight. ming never established a physical nor emotional connection with tong, throughout his time knowing joe. tong was always an idealised fantasy, he's mistaken it for it to be love. in other words, i see it as ming looking up tong like a delulu fanboy with an idol crush than him actually having any substantive feelings for tong ever. i mean if you had a partner that looked like a kpop idol, and sex with your partner makes you feel like you're achieving your sexual fantasy, are you cheating on your partner? maybe? maybe not? probably controversial and debatable question but for me, i don't consider it 'cheating'. i do think ming took for granted joe's genuine feelings and did not fully appreciate joe's affection (ming you ungrateful bish, repent).

during their time together playing pseudo 'not boyfriends', ming showed that he could be an okay partner. whether it's caring about joe's day at work, how hard joe's job as a stuntman, accepting joe's invitation to accompany him to his wrapped filming party.

i mean it's really bare minimum but that's already quite a lot coming from the dude who's afraid as hell once joe started mentioning the 'faen' word, triggering his self-defense mechanism, depreciating himself trying to claim that joe wouldn't be able to stand him.

i think one of the most obvious example of how afraid ming was to lose this relationship, was him using the word 'faen' in the last breakup fight with joe. this line was very ironic of him to say, because i'm sure even ming knows this line applies more to himself (how in this life, ming won't be able to find a better boyfriend than joe).

i absolutely love ming's emotion progression in ep 4 because it encapsulates perfectly his 21 year old spoiled brat attitude. he was confused when broken up over the phone, then mad and started throwing tantrum trying to get joe to coax him (like joe always does), until he realized it wouldn't work this time and he started frantically begging for joe to stay so they could go back to playing house and being happy.

personally, i don't consider it cheating because by around ep3/4, you can already started seeing ming settling down with the option that makes him "happy". some may even argued that by this point, he has 'recognized' his feelings (not me though, i think he just wanted his simple happiness/domestic bliss back, i still think it's during the period he lost joe 1.0 that he learned what love truly is).

now the most important question of all: is ming cheating on joe 1.0 with joe 2.0 or vice versa?

to quote chapter 63 of Professional Body Double (My Stand-In novel), i think the author puts it best how ming views joe 2.0.

He has fallen to the point of looking for the shadow of that person in a substitute. This is his punishment. When he thought that he was using [Joe] as [Tong]’s substitute, he was not aware of the actual person who had entered his heart. He had failed miserably with this method but still could not help himself from wanting to try. There are no other reasons. Just that he was in too much pain. He can’t endure anymore. He was adamant that [Joe] is not dead but no one could confirm it. That little doubtful voice in his heart is getting louder and louder, but is roughly suppressed by him time and time again. To continually be persistent with this thought, he needed a lot of willpower. He knew better than anyone else. Even if this [Joe] could bring him a little comfort, he wanted to be close to him, just like a long frozen person wanting to be close to a matchstick. This can’t save him… but he couldn’t stop himself from taking that little warmth.

i LOVE this metaphor and this little inner thought of ming we got because we can see how he's very much aware that he's falling right back into the bad habit that got him into trouble in the first place but... he's a fucking fool... who resorts to spiritual shamans for hope...

but also the familiarity he got from joe 2.0 is way too strong to joe 1.0. so for me, i'm seeing it as ming is using joe 2.0 as a means for comfort and relief as well as keeping him close to observe the similarities between him and joe 1.0, rather than viewing joe 2.0 as a replacement for joe 1.0 (because keep in mind, at this point he doesn't know they're the same person yet).

so !!!!!!!!! BIG WARNING of spoilers from the novel !!!!!!!!! if joe had considered joe 2.0 to be a direct replacement of joe 1.0, i don't think he would have had this conversation with joe 2.0 about joe 1.0.

Ming spoke right at this time. His voice sounded very faint and very soft, “Joe, are you hiding something from me?” Joe didn’t know what Ming meant by this. He asked cautiously, “I don’t understand what Khun Ming means.” Ming, “The feelings you give me is too familiar. It’s as if I’ve known you and have lived with you before. Why is this?” Joe forced himself to responded, “Maybe this is fate.” If it wasn’t because they are fated, they would not be in the predicament of today…with a relationship that is so unclear in both past and current lifetimes. “Joe. Tell me….If a person had been missing for more than two years, do you think he may still be alive?” Joe’s tensed up and smiled, “Most likely impossible. If still alive, he would have come back already.” “Why can’t he be alive? It could be that he didn’t come back because he doesn’t want to come back.” Joe is silent for a moment, “Khun Ming, are you talking about the other Joe?” Joe clearly felt Ming’s body stiffened. Then Ming asked, “How much do you know about him?” “I don’t know anything at all. I just heard from what others have said.” Ming quietly asked, “Then do you know what relationship I have with him?” Joe’s heart tightened, What relationship? You say, what relationship? He clenched his teeth in the dark, “I don’t know.” Ming’s voice is like the rising of the quiet abyss, cold and empty, “I feel that he’s not dead. He just doesn’t want to come back.” Joe heard his own voice dissociated from his thoughts and automatically asked, “Why won’t he want to come back?” Ming didn’t respond to his question, instead he tightened his arms around Joe.

i like that in the 2.0 timeline, we got ming learning but also not learning his dumbass mistakes at all. ming learned that he should be upfront about his feelings and be straightforward with his sexual partner, but at the same time he's still impatient, hot tempered and say hurtful things easily.

so i think through and through the second half of the series, you'll see his fidelity to joe (the soul) only. while perhaps it was the shadow of a back that mesmerized ming in the first place, but it's the kindhearted soul of joe that ming truly fell in love with, the person that showed him what love means, the only period in his life where he felt happiness.

© gif courtesy of the talented @alienwlw

you can also check out @befuddledcinnamonroll and @ineffable-opinions discussion on matters of transmigration, attachment of the soul with the body in their excellent posts, here and here. to sum it up, i think up kinda succintly puts it here in this interview.

of course, this is not to excuse dating/fucking anyone who resembles your missing ex but then treating them like they're your object ;_; like i'm just saying i don't think what ming is doing with joe 2.0 can be categorized as cheating (for me). it's something scummy, foolish, dumb, really stupid but... not cheating ┗( T﹏T )┛.

also if you notice, ming doesn't sleep around. surely he could have slept with dozen of nice looking man with similar physique to joe 1.0 to "keep the warmth" if he was that type of dude... but he doesn't... so for me, i see this proposal he has for joe 2.0 is not simply because of a physical attraction/similarity to joe, but it's the vibe/the aura/the ✨energy✨ that joe 2.0 radiates that is too similar to joe 1.0, drawing ming to him again.

tldr: ming is a lot of things but for me, i would never characterize him as a cheater. ming is a scummy, spoiled, arrogant, entitled, hot tempered hi-so brat but also a foolish little crying bag with zero wife-chasing skills. his only tactic is begging and getting his waterworks flowing.

ps: i'm not sure if this ask actually answers your question at all but hopefully some of my thoughts made sense ಥ_ಥ

[aashi-heartfilia]

Why BakuDeku will be canon and not IzuOcha? Connection between TogaChako and the entire Love Square...

So this is pure hypothesis and I should clarify that I'm not a shipper when it comes to MHA. I just love the story, its premise and the various themes that it involves and I love to see what happens next. I don't particularly support any ships and so with all that being said, let's jump into it!

So, Ochako said that "You should never hide your true feelings or that face of yours".

Horikoshi is very very clever with the panelling.

While most people were debating on whether or not it was an IzuOcha ship bait, I think it signifies something completely different.

Notice how Ochako was thinking about Deku as she said those lines but even in Ochako's imagination, Deku wasn't looking at her.

HE WAS LOOKING AT BAKUGO.

I mean, look at it.

He was a bit embarrassed and looking at someone else. It is most probably a memory from when they were training before the second war (when Bakugo was showing his new move Cluster to Deku)

But why would Ochako think about Deku looking at someone else during such an important time?

It parallels how Toga thinks about Twice in a completely platonic sense. He was more of a brother to her (Toga and Twice->brother sister bond)

Plus it also signifies Ochako's journey of self acceptance. Think about it!

When we met Ochako in the beginning, she had an inferiority complex about her hero motivation and background.

She met Deku, who played her knight in shining armor, who had this cool quirk and everybody loved him.

He was a Hero, and always in the spotlight. Even All Might was interested in him (according to Ochako because she never knew about OFA)

So she admired him and wanted to be like him as in wanted to be a great hero like him but it backfired because Ochako is Ochako and Deku is Deku.

Throughout the series, we see these feelings grow.

But with admiration, what Ochako always felt was jealousy....envy.

The theme of envy has been very prominent in the series. Bakugo is the biggest example of it.

I admit that Ochako might have had a tiny bit of crush on Deku because who wouldn't?

He is a cute, clumsy boy, well natured, a crybaby at times but a real hero at heart. Who wouldn't fall for that?

Plus it's not wrong to have feelings.

But in Ochako's case, she always felt that Deku is so far away.

It is such a literal representation!

Deku was moving forward while Ochako felt like she was lacking, like she is behind him, literally and figuratively.

We saw how she was struggling to deal with whatever she was feeling.

At first it looks like she is struggling to deal with her feelings for him, but at this particular moment her feeling could only be described as envy.

Admiration could easily be confused for love but!

You're never jealous of the person you love!!

Because till season 3 Ochako was feeling both admiration for his best friend (which everyone else confused for love) and jealousy.

It was especially awkward because they were friends and their other friends kept on pointing in that direction.

But the real change came in the war arc when Ochako got Deku's letter and realised that maybe Deku is not that special after all.

They are good friends, and she was worried about him because she realised that behind the Hero persona that Deku has, he is also human.

Being a fellow hero, it was more relatable to her.

"Special powers are one thing but there is no such thing as a special person" she said in her speech.

Humanizing all heroes and villains.

I also wanna talk about this specific panel after Bakugo's apology.

Something about Ochako's expression here really struck a crod.

As Deku falls in Bakugo's arms, the camera pans on Ochako who just stands there observing, what true love is.

She didn't feel anything, because she realised the bond between BakuDeku is a bond of love.

Which is why she never made an effort to follow Deku's footsteps again.

The famous cliff scene: the day before the second war! Both of them knew they could die the very next day and yet they chose to say nothing... Nothing as in love confession, because there was nothing to confess.

Ochako realised that Deku loves and admires Bakugo and she's ok with that, so she'll focus on more important matters, like the Toga situation.

Because she realised, she can be her own Hero.

And now she wanted to help Toga. A girl like her, that was crying.

Because she has seen so many happy faces, she cannot help but wonder what made Toga cry.

Plus Toga said that only heroes and the people they protect are counted as people and the rest don't even matter.

As a person, Toga should be free to love whoever she wants but because of her quirk she is constantly judged by people except LoV.

Toga was mad because nobody accepted her throughout her entire life, her parents, her friends, Heroes and the one place where she found home was also snatched away from her.

Everyone is free to love and admire heroes then why not Toga. Everywhere she went, she was rejected.

Even Deku's quirk pointed out that there was no real malice behind TOGA's actions. Her love is so strong that it puts people in danger.

Heck, Danger sense didn't activate in the beginning because Toga didn't wanna hurt Deku.

But it was after she was rejected so badly, that she turned against them.

It was not about a girl asking a boy out but a villain asking a hero out.

And Deku not only rejected her completely but also judged her.

So if the world rejects her, she is bound to do the same!

Which made Ochako the perfect person to face Toga. Both are girls full of love but hide deep inferiority complexes.

Ochako understood this and told Toga her smile is beautiful.

Why? Because Ochako realised it the hard way, what happens when you suppress your feelings which is why she admired Toga and told her that Toga is right and she should never hide her feelings or her face because she is beautiful.

She admired Toga for her genuine honesty and told her that it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Toga went on a rampage because Deku hurt her (he was the final nail in the coffin) but just because Deku rejected her doesn't mean the end of the world.

Toga is free to live her own life, just because Deku rejected her doesn't mean her life is finished and if she really wants to have a girl chat, Ochako will always be there!

She'll give her blood to Toga for the rest of her life..!!

It's just Ochako's way of telling Toga that just because a boy rejected her doesn't mean her life has ended. That Toga is beautiful and has a lovely smile. And if toga wants to talk about it, Ochako will be more than willing to listen and support her for the rest of her life.

And such is the beautiful dynamic of TogaChako.

Cheers! Sunshine!

[gluion]

[part one] of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going) ➵ ji changmin

non-idol!ji changmin x reader, slight non-idol!jacob bae x reader

you and changmin have been best friends since high school, having seen each other at their best and worst. now in your second year of university, you are given the opportunity to work with the unattainable 5th-year you have had a crush on since—jacob bae. with your best friend on the receiving end of your rambles, you could only hope for something to come out of your time working with jacob. that is until changmin decides he wants something more out of his relationship with you.

genre/warnings ➵ friends to lovers, slow burn, so much FLUFF, afab reader (they/them pronouns), drinking, expect a lot of sentimental talks and bantering between changmin and reader, a lot of publication talk (sorry i am a writer), sunwoo is a shithead (and a terrible wingman), slight chanhee x hyunjae (very minimal though), you used to have a crush on sunwoo by the way and now your friends like to laugh about it, sweet angel jacob with his SIGNATURE SMILE!!!, also he may not be unattainable after all???, changmin and reader are so lucky to have each other, slight suggestive dream at the end

word count ➵ 18.8k words

parts ➵ check out the series masterlist

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @winterchimez

a/n ➵ i am so glad to finally have this baby out!! i worked on this a few days after i published my sunwoo fic so :DD was debating whether this would be a changmin or jacob fic but the stars just pointed to my kyu <3 this is very slow burn so i hope you guys will stick with me all throughout! and please be kind if i fail to deliver the 2nd part asap </3 i have other writer duties </3 i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! main masterlist

There is something frightening that comes with growing up. First, you come into the world with hands too small to carry anything and a mind unable to grasp anything. And no matter how many years you continue on, you never know what to expect from a fickle thing called life. It is as if you impart on a dangerous journey; your knees get wounded; your eyes get tired; your heart gets bruised. Yet, there must be something in the end that makes all the injuries worth it.

The universe had many instances to give you reasons to believe that all the ups and downs you go through are worth it. Instead, you are given three demons that crashed into your feeble life—you cannot seem to get rid of them even if you tried.

“Y/N-ah!” A boy you have grown too familiar with over the years calls out to you while you were exiting the stuffy classroom filled with unknown faces.

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Sunwoo, have you not gotten tired of me? Can’t last a few hours without me?”

“Yah! I’m only here because you owe me.”

Kim Sunwoo—the reason why you have not known peace since… forever. You got to know him back in grade school where you shared the unfortunate fate of being classmates throughout the years. The shy boy was consistently your seatmate which forced you two to interact. What became casual seatmates turned into best friends that would stick together for every break time.

Somehow, you and Sunwoo have stuck together like glue since then. As the years went by, you have been present for every soccer tournament while he has been present for every competition. And somehow, you found yourselves in high school still joined at the hip. Your friendship has contradicted the popular belief of “losing your grade school friends when you enter high school.” You wish you knew how your friendship continued to survive in college waters.

“I owe you? Doesn’t the favor I asked from you make up for the one you asked from me then?” You frown as you walk with him.

Sunwoo nudges you and says, “That is not what we agreed on.”

“You are literally going off on your own terms, be for real.”

“C’mon Y/N! Don’t you love your best friend of 12 years?”

You give him a side-eye. “I cannot believe you are trying to play that card right now.”

“I always play that card.” Sunwoo shrugs, smirking as he walks with you. “I mean, I wouldn’t like to play the old crush card.”

You gasp at his statement and smack him. “I told you that in secret, you little shit!”

“See! So treat me now!”

Since you two grew up together, it was inevitable for you to harbor some form of infatuation towards the one boy you found yourself sticking with. It was an embarrassing period in your life considering how weird it is to think of Sunwoo under that light now. Thankfully, you got over that crush once you found yourself getting into K-Pop idols and streamers.

“You are so frustrating, Sunwoo.” You rest your back on the wall. “Can’t I just treat you another day? I do not have enough money to buy us both food.”

Sunwoo takes his spot beside you as he stares at the closed door opposite you two. “Fine! But don’t forget.”

“You always seem to make it a point to remind me.” You roll your eyes as he nudges you once more.

“Hey, I’m just trying to get back what I was promised. I mean, do you know the lengths I had to go to somehow get Ja–”

You place your hand on his mouth before he could say more. “Yah, Kim Sunwoo! You cannot be saying that shit out loud,” you whisper in the last sentence.

He grabs your hand and pushes it off his face. “I’m just saying! I’m not trying to spill your secret for everyone to hear. Do you have no faith in me?”

“You’re really asking me that?” You furrow your eyebrows.

“... Point taken.” Sunwoo gives a sheepish smile. “But it was hard to make it all work! You should be glad that I’m good friends with your little publication team.”

Before you could comment, you notice the door swing open as university students make their way out. You pushed your iPad down into your bag as you stood beside Sunwoo. 

“Yah, Changmin!” Sunwoo calls out as he raises his hand. As you tiptoe, you notice the boy who you have grown to love and hate all throughout high school. Once he catches sight of you two, he smiles and makes his way to you.

“Yay! You guys did wait for me,” Changmin says as he quickly stores his glasses away.

“Of course we did. You would scold us if we didn’t,” you say as you roll your eyes.

Sunwoo laughs. “Nice one, Y/N.” He gives you a high-five.

“Hey! You would get mad if I didn’t wait for you.” Changmin shakes his head as he latches onto your arm.

You chuckle and say, “Yeah, I would.”

Ji Changmin—what could you say about this one? Despite the chaos he brings to your world, he seems to be the one person you could handle in big doses. You love Sunwoo but the guy will not get off your ass.

Thanks to Sunwoo, you met Changmin in high school. When Sunwoo decided to look into other extra-curricular activities, he found himself falling in love with dance. And dance brought him to Changmin. The two shared a love for dancing as they found themselves on the dance team representing your school. With all the times Sunwoo and Changmin got along, Sunwoo felt it was only best to bring you and Changmin together.

It is funny to remember how you two first met. At first, you thought you and Changmin would just be friendly—only interacting if Sunwoo planned something among you three.

At first, you did not feel particularly happy about hanging out with Changmin. When you say this, you can only imagine the way people would react. Everyone seemed to love him just at first glance. You though… you were terrified of the guy. Maybe it is because there were not enough instances for you to get to know each other. It did not help that he was two years above you.

Sunwoo seemed to be the glue to keep your friend group of three together. However, it was only when you first joined your high school’s publication team that you got to see Changmin without Sunwoo. It came as a surprise to you then—seeing one of the best dancers in your high school do something that is not dance (minus studying, of course).

At first, you two were awkward as you worked without Sunwoo there to be his usual self. However, the more instances you worked one-on-one with Changmin, the more you realized that there is nothing to be afraid of. With his photos and your writings, you two became an unstoppable team in the publication.

You could remember when Sunwoo first noticed the change in dynamics between you and Changmin. What started off as jigsaw puzzle pieces that did not fit together turned into peas in a pod. Though you never expected that Changmin’s bantering with you could be worse than Sunwoo’s.

“Changmin, you never hold onto me,” Sunwoo says as he glares at you two.

“Because every time I do, you run away from me,” Changmin throws back as he shakes his head. “And Y/N never gets sick of me from holding onto them.”

The three of you started to walk side-by-side. “Where’s Chanhee?” Changmin asks.

“He said to meet him in the ramen place across the athletics building,” you answer as you try to fish out your phone from your pocket. You look down at your phone and send a message to Chanhee as your two friends talk.

y/n: we are on the way xP nyuging 🐧: okie! i got us a table already nyuging 🐧: don’t forget we need to work on the small businesses coverage after y/n: yessir! i’m free after we eat nyuging 🐧: are u fr? man, i have lit class right after the interviews nyuging 🐧: with mr. choi 😭 y/n: NOOOOOOOOO who tf am i gonna stay with nyuging 🐧: not my problem xP nyuging 🐧: you could actually stay with mr. bae 💗😍 y/n: STFUUUU

You groan over Chanhee’s message. “Why?” Changmin looks over at you.

“Chanhee can’t stay with me after we finish up the interviews, and I have to wait for my meeting around 5 PM.”

Changmin sighs and says, “Sucks to be you.”

“Nice one, Changmin.” Sunwoo laughs as he high-fives Changmin.

“Yah! Changmin, you don’t want to stay with me?”

“I have other important things to handle.”

You glare at Changmin and shrug his hand off your arm. “I’m not offering to drive you around anymore. Get used to walking.”

“Yah, I’m just joking!” He jokes around and attempts to grab onto your arm once more.

Sunwoo whines. “Why don’t you bother to ask me?”

“Because I know you’re going to use that time to bother me about how I still owe you.” All he could do was giggle.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you because I know you can’t survive without me.” Changmin smiles as he brings you closer to his side.

You side-eye the boy who manages to rile you up even more than Sunwoo can (maybe it is because you are used to Sunwoo’s antics). “You are so annoying.”

“Yah! Keep that shit up and I’m actually going to ditch you.”

“HEY! Don’t say that! Please, you know I’m never going to get any work done if I’m left alone.”

Changmin scoffs. “Exactly. That is why you need me.” You roll your eyes over his words.

It seems to always be like this with Changmin—sometimes warm, oftentimes cold to you. You did not mind the dynamic you had with him. If anything, it felt perfect since you learned to see how he shows his appreciation towards you without outright saying it. Regardless of the banter, you always find yourself being more sentimental with him compared to your other friends.

Before you could say anything, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N!” As you whip your head in the direction of where the sound came from, you see the guy of your dreams. Jacob Bae—the unattainable 5th-year in your publication.

The first time you met Jacob was when you got accepted into your university’s publication. Being the only fresh recruit in the Features staff, your editor, Moon Kevin, decided it would be best to get you acquainted with the small crew. Jacob was a senior when you first got to meet him.

Despite usually being terrified of those who were a few years older than you, there was something about him that made you feel at ease. Whether it was his smile or his soft-spoken tone, you always found yourself smiling over the thought of him. Although you never got the opportunity to work with him, you can only hope it would change this year considering your staff was short on manpower.

Your mouth goes dry as you freeze in your place. “Oh my god.”

“Oh no, please act cool,” Sunwoo mumbles as Jacob makes his way to you three.

Changmin nudges him and says, “You know they will not act cool.” Before more words could be shared, Jacob arrives in front of you with that soft smile that never fails to make your insides all mushy.

“Hey, Y/N!” The way he says your name almost has your knees go weak.

A beat of silence passes. You did not know what to say to the senior you had the biggest crush on. It is only when Changmin nudges you that snaps you out of your trance.

“Ah, Jacob! It’s so nice to see you. W-where are you headed?” You squeak out as you give an awkward smile.

“I’m headed to meet with Kevin. I have an article to cram so he’s going to make some edits while I write.”

You gasp and say, “Oh god, good luck. I feel like I’d be too pressured to write anything.”

“Thankfully I’m used to it.” Jacob takes a look at Sunwoo and Changmin. “Hi, I’m Jacob. I’m on the same staff as Y/N.”

Once he puts his hand out, Sunwoo immediately grabs and shakes it. “It’s nice to meet you, Jacob hyung. I’m Sunwoo. I’m also friends with Kevin hyung.”

“Ah, you’re Sunwoo! Yes, Kevin has mentioned you.” Jacob gives a sheepish smile before he takes a look at Changmin. “And you are, Changmin?”

Changmin’s eyes go wide, shocked at Jacob knowing his name. “Yes, that’s me. How did you know?”

Jacob chuckles. “I know it because I have some friends from the Sports staff who cover a lot of stories about the dance troupe that you and Sunwoo are part of. Also, I’ve heard Y/N and Chanhee talk about you.”

Changmin smiles at you and pretends to hold his heart. “You talk about me? Awe, you two really cannot live without me.” You only elbow his side so that he could stop embarrassing you in front of Jacob.

“Anyway, it’s so nice to see you again.” You smile once more at him.

Jacob giggles and says, “Good luck with your coverage of small businesses. I wish I could’ve worked on that with you. I’ll see you later at the meeting?” You only nod to which he smiles.

“Bye Y/N!” And with that, Jacob walked away from you, leaving you with a heart so mushy.

“You seriously need to get better at making your feelings less obvious,” Changmin breaks the mood which only has you elbow him once more.

“You were literally embarrassing me in front of him!” You quietly exclaim as you three continue to walk to the restaurant.

Changmin hugs you and puts his whole weight on you, making your pace slower. “I’m just flattered that you think about me all the time.”

“You know damn well that Chanhee and I are complaining about you.”

Sunwoo laughs and says, “I can’t believe I’m the safe one here.”

“Yah, you are in no way safe. Tell him, Y/N.” Changmin attempts to argue as he stops hugging you (though his arm remains linked with yours).

You sigh and say, “Sadly, he is. I’m used to Sunwoo’s antics and I don’t spend as much time as I used to with Mr. Popular. You, however… I am getting sick of you. Chanhee is too.” Changmin gasps at your words.

“Yeah, I’m ditching you.”

“Changmin, I’m just joking! Please don’t leave me alone.”

It is 2:23 PM. You were with Chanhee as you were wrapping up your interview with the owner of the restaurant, Mr. Lim. The small business has a cozy feel whose dishes focus on the fusion of Korean and Filipino food.

“Thank you so much for letting me interview you!” You and Chanhee bow down to Mr. Lim.

He only shakes his head and hands out a small bag of thin butter cookies. “Please, it’s my pleasure. I look forward to reading that article! Enjoy these lengua de gato.”

“Ah, thank you so much!” Chanhee smiles. “We’ll make sure to visit you again, Mr. Lim!”

As you bid your farewells, you two made your way out of the restaurant. You and Chanhee walked while looking down at the notes and pictures taken.

“How are your pictures?” You ask as you peer over Chanhee’s shoulder to look at the viewfinder.

Chanhee lets out a hum as he scrolls through the photos he took. “I just need to do some minimal edits, but everything looks pretty good. Is your recording good?”

You nod at him as you play a snippet of the recording to him. “It sounds clear. I just hope that it doesn’t get corrupted like last time.”

“God, I remember when your recording got corrupted—in your first coverage too!”

You groan as you quickly stash away your phone and notes. “Don’t even remind me! I felt so bad because you were working with me too. Do you even know how embarrassed I was?”

“Of course I did. I could literally see the anxiety ooze from you when you were still a first-year student.”

You met your third devil, Choi Chanhee, in the publication. Although he is part of the Photos staff, you had the opportunity to work closely with him during your very first coverage for the university’s paper.

You remember it clear as day—you were tasked to cover the rise of artificial intelligence programs, specifically on the benefits and harm of these in the academe. He accompanied you to your interview with one of the professors since he was tasked to take pictures. However, your recording got corrupted and you were left with minimal notes. That is when you first learned the importance of taking note of everything.

Chanhee has been the nicest one out of the three devils you know. So far, you were always paired with him for all of your coverages. With so much time being spent together, you formally introduced him to your two best friends who seem to bully him in the same way they do with you. It helped that he is in the same batch as Changmin. Now, your friend group has expanded to four.

“I swear, I remember how much I cried to Kevin that day because I felt so bad,” you admit as you shake your head at the memory.

You two continue to walk until you finally arrive at Morning Roasters—the cafe you seem to frequent with Chanhee. He introduced you to this cafe when you had to cram an article on drag queens who studied at your university for June. 

“Why don’t you find a table and I’ll get our drinks?” Chanhee asks as he grabs his wallet. You nod and take a look around the packed cafe. It seemed as if every table was taken. However, when your eyes land on a familiar boy who was focused on his laptop, you could only smile.

“Changmin-ah!” You exclaim as you make your way to him.

When he looks up from his work, he rolls his eyes at the sight of you. “See, I told you I would stay with you.”

You take a seat beside him and lean your head on his shoulder. “Thanks. You know I wouldn’t have gotten any work done if I was left alone.”

He only hums as he continues to type away. “How was the interview? Did it go well?”

“Yeah, the owner is really nice. He gave us a bag of cookies,” you say as you place it on the table.

“Mr. Lim is nice. We should really eat there one day.”

Changmin stops typing and grabs the bag of cookies. As he attempts to open it, you elbow his side which he yelps at. “You’re not even going to ask if you can have some?” You scold him as you lift your head up from his shoulder.

“Can I have?”

You only roll your eyes. “Whatever, go.”

“The only reason he does that is because you react that way,” Chanhee says as he appears in front of you two with a cup of iced matcha for you and peach iced tea for himself.

“That’s true,” Changmin says before he finally grabs himself a cookie. As he takes a bite of it, he lets out a small moan at the taste. “Hey, you need to try this.”

Curious over Changmin’s reaction, you and Chanhee grab yourselves a piece and take a bite. “Oh shit, that’s good,” You say as you take one more bite of the milk cookie.

Chanhee takes a look at the time. “Oh shit, I need to go! I’ll see you in the meeting later!”

Before you and Changmin could say bye, Chanhee was already out of the cafe.

“Well, time to get to work,” Changmin says as you open your laptop.

As you peer over at Changmin’s screen, you notice that his screen was opened to a site you have not seen in a while.

“Oh my god, is that our high school publication?”

Changmin hums and says, “Yeah, I was just looking at some of my old photos. It’s crazy because I look at them and I feel a part of myself cringe. Like, why is it so bad?”

You laugh as you open the document that had your draft. “You would think that being accepted into your high school’s publication meant that you were a good writer or photographer. I feel like I have learned so much more now than I did then.”

The reality is that you only continue to learn—to grow in the work that you do. While growth may never be linear, it is a journey. Although Changmin found himself giving up on photography, you never let yourself give up on writing. But you two understood that he only wanted to invest more time into another hobby turned passion. 

For a moment, it is silent between you two. As you continue to type away, you notice that Changmin is still looking at his old articles. When you take a look at his face, you see that he is deep in thought.

“Hey, what’s up?” You ask which breaks him out of his trance.

“Sorry, I was just… thinking.”

“You want to share?”

For a moment, Changmin does not reply. It is usual for him to not want to share his sentiments. You never held it against him, but there are times when you wished he would feel safer to open up to you. You remember how easy it is for him to hide what he is going through.

“I… I was just thinking about how I managed to balance dance, the publication, and my studies back in high school. Now, I feel like I barely have time to keep up with dance or my work.” You only hum at his words.

“I think I just miss photography but not to the point where I would join the publication again. I don’t have the time anymore, but I do miss it, you know?” Changmin asks to which you nod.

“Yeah. I never realized how much time I had back in high school. Now, I feel like I’m drowning in… everything, really. I can only imagine it seems harder for you because you have the thesis to worry about.”

Changmin groans and says, “Oh god, why did you have to remind me!” He rubs his eyes. “I am literally suffering from this alone! At least I don’t need to deal with crap groupmates.”

You only laugh as you type away. “Well, you could still do some free-lancing while you’re working as a preschool teacher.”

“That is if I graduate on time,” Changmin purses his lips as he finally exits his old articles and looks at his thesis.

You nudge his shoulder. “Hey, I believe you can. And if you can’t, you’ll be fine. It’s normal.”

Changmin takes a good look at you as you continue to add some new information to your draft. “Yeah. Thanks, Y/N.” You only smile at him before you two decide to go back to work.

It is 7:32 PM. You were exhausted from your meeting with the Features staff and some people from the Photos staff (though it was still nice to see Jacob). Kevin spent a lot of the time going through what story pitches could be pursued for the rest of the first semester. Your brain felt exhausted from it all. However, there was something good that came from the meeting.

“Y/N, you will be working with Jacob on the coverage of K-Pop student idols here at our university.” You immediately look up at Kevin whose eyes are still focused on the iPad. “You two will also work on drinking culture amongst students and hustle org work lifestyle. Chanhee will be your assigned Photos staffer, as always.”

Your eyes land on Chanhee who has a small smile as he looks down at his camera. For a moment, you are scared to look at Jacob.

“Me? Really?”

Kevin hums as he finally looks up from his iPad. “Yeah. Since we’re short-staffed, I thought it would be good to just have some more collaboration articles to streamline all the work.”

You take this chance to look over at Jacob who seemed to be looking at you already, that godforsaken smile on his face. Your heart does somersaults at the idea of him looking at you without even noticing.

“Y/N?”

You snap out of your daze and finally give Kevin a nod. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

He smiles at you and says, “Well, that settles it. Jacob and Y/N will work on those three pitches while Seungcheol and Yunjin on the beauty standards and Halloween culture coverages. Lastly, Chaeyeon will work on the polyamory pitch.”

As everyone agrees with the assigned pitches, Chanhee nudges you. “Jacob hasn’t stopped looking at you.” Once he whispers those words, you feel your eyes drift over to Jacob who still had his eyes set on you.

You had no idea how you managed to get through that meeting without freaking out over that new piece of information. It sounded weird when you phrase it that way, but you are no better than a high schooler in love whenever you were thinking about him.

“That meeting felt a little too long,” Chanhee groans as he stretches his back.

You two were seated by the benches near the athletics center, admiring the starry sky. “I know. Kevin is stressed though so I can understand that he really wants to fix everything.”

With your staff smaller than last year, the Features staff could only pursue a few pitches. For Kevin, he cares about the well-being of each member which is why it made sense for him to have a meeting to ensure everyone was alright with their assigned workload.

“At least you’re gonna work with Mr. Bae,” Chanhee teases you which makes you elbow his side.

“Chanhee! Be quiet.”

Chanhee whines. “Oh come on! Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“I do but not here!”

“You’re so boring.” You only glare at him for a moment before you tilt your head back and close your eyes.

For a moment, you wanted to let yourself rest. It is until you feel someone tap your shoulder. “Chanhee, can’t you just–”

“Hi, Y/N.” Your eyes snap open as you see Jacob looking over you.

You quickly sit up straight and say, “Ah, Jacob! It’s so nice to see you.”

“Yeah. Are you waiting for Sunwoo and Changmin?”

Chanhee nods. “Yeah, I think they’re just wrapping up.”

Jacob hums for a moment as he looks at the athletics center that is still lit up. “I’m also waiting for my friend. I don’t know if you guys know him but it’s Juyeon.”

“Of course, we know Juyeon hyung. He’s just as good as Changmin when it comes to dance,” Chanhee answers.

Jacob chuckles and says, “Kevin, Juyeon, some other friends, and I are supposed to be catching dinner. What about you guys?”

“Same here.” You scratch your arm. “But also because I’m going to be dropping them off at their place.”

“Oh, you drive? That’s cool.” You nod as you look down at your lap, shy over Jacob’s words.

Chanhee scoots further away from you. “Jacob hyung, do you want to take a seat?”

“Oh, thank you!” He says as he quickly moves to take a seat beside you. You feel yourself hold your breath over the distance between you two. You hated that you felt this way about this guy. 

“Y/N-ah.” You look up from your lap and look over at the guy beside you. “I don’t think I ever got to tell you this but I’m excited to work with you. I’ve seen your articles from last year and they’re really good.”

You cannot help the smile (or blush) that creeps up on your face. “Please, I am so honored to work with you. I mean, I’ve seen your byline how many times on articles I really loved reading.”

Jacob softly nudges your shoulder. “I’m glad that we’ll have our bylines beside each other.”

As a writer, you felt yourself die inside. You have heard poets speak of love in a way you could never utter. Yet, hearing Jacob say a phrase just as simple as that had you reimagining what love should be.

For a moment, you do not know what to say. Your eyes remain on him as he continues to look at students finally making their way out of the athletics center. You notice Chanhee peering over and mouthing the words “Bitch, say something.”

Before you could say anything, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N! Chanhee!” You whip your head to see Sunwoo running up to you guys with Changmin following behind.

“You would not–oh? Jacob hyung? It’s so nice to see you,” Sunwoo says as he tongues his cheek.

Changmin’s eyes widened at the sight of you and Jacob seated side-by-side. “Ah, Jacob hyung! Hello again.”

“Hi again. I’m just waiting for Juyeon actually.”

“Oh, he was just with us,” Changmin says as he looks back only to see Juyeon running to you four.

Juyeon pants and says, “Sorry! I just had to handle something real quick.”

Jacob gets off the bench and stands beside him. “First off, this is Juyeon. Juyeon, this is Chanhee and Y/N. They’re both from the school’s newspaper also.”

Juyeon’s eyes go wide. “Oh, you’re Y/N! Jacob hyung has mention–” Jacob quickly elbows him before he could say more to which he yelps. You feel your eyes go wide at the information.

“Ow! Jacob hyung, you didn’t need to hit me,” Juyeon complains as he rubs his side.

“Anyway, it’s nice to see you guys. Y/N, I’ll see you soon,” Jacob gives his signature smile before he walks off with Juyeon.

For a moment, you stay seated on the bench as Changmin, Chanhee, and Sunwoo look at each other.

“Did Juyeon just say… what I think he just said?” Sunwoo finally speaks out.

“Yah!” Chanhee smacks your arm. “Did you hear him?! Jacob has talked about you!”

You cannot help but smile at the events that just played out. “Ah, look at that smile,” Changmin says as he shakes his head.

Sunwoo chuckles as he grabs your arm. “C’mon, let’s talk about what happened over dinner.”

It has been a few days since you first got paired with Jacob. You still cannot believe that the only reason that you finally get to work with him is that Sunwoo somehow spilled your secret to the one person you only hoped would never find out.

“What do you mean you told him?! Are you serious?!” You reacted as you stood up from your seat with your hands planted on the table.

“In my defense, Kevin hyung somehow connected the dots and would not believe me every time I denied it,” Sunwoo says as he raises his hands in defense.

After a long day, your friend group found themselves in Changmin and Chanhee’s place with boxes of Chinese takeout in each person’s hands. While you were talking about the events that transpired during the meeting, you noticed guilt prominent on Sunwoo’s face.

“Sunwoo! I only asked you to invite Kevin and Jacob to Eric’s next party, whenever that may be,” You groan as you find yourself collapsing back into your seat.

You feel someone bring your head to their shoulder as they rub on your arm. “You had one job. How could you have possibly fucked it up?” Chanhee asks as he shakes his head.

“Oh c’mon! I really tried to convince Kevin to bring Jacob to Eric’s Halloween party. I think it’s because he knows I don’t know Jacob at all. And he knows I’m best friends with you! Won’t you cut me some slack?” Sunwoo pouts as he tries to reach out for your hand.

You only scowl at him and cross your arms. “I am never asking you to be a wingman for me. I should’ve just gone to Changmin or Chanhee for this.”

“There’s no way Kevin didn’t connect the dots earlier with how you act around his best friend,” Changmin jokes after he takes a slurp of his black bean noodles.

You frown at him as you raise your head from Chanhee’s shoulder. “Be so for real right now. There’s no way he noticed because it’s not like I interact with him enough for Kevin to even see if I have a crush on him.” You nudge Chanhee which causes him to choke on his noodles. “Back me up here.”

“Are you kidding me?” Chanhee coughs out before he wipes his mouth. “I was literally eating.”

“Just back me up!”

He rolls his eyes. “Sure, I guess.”

Changmin smiles at Chanhee’s words. “See! Clearly, Kevin noticed.”

“Chanhee just said he agrees with me!”

“I really don’t. I just want to eat my noodles,” Chanhee says, which causes you to smack his arm.

You groan and say, “You all suck. Even Eric is nicer to me and we barely interact.”

“Yeah, but you love us.” Changmin winks at you. “You can’t survive without us three.”

You only scowl since he was pointing out the truth.

Now that you know that Kevin is aware of your silly crush on Jacob, you have been on edge. You were afraid that he might have told Jacob since it seemed like something he would want to mention. That is why you were with Changmin as you anxiously waited for the arrival of the one 5th-year student who seemed to make you hyperaware of your own actions.

“I’m so scared.”

“You’ll be fine.”

You groan as you keep staring at the door. Currently, you and Changmin were at the university’s outdoor area with enough picnic tables for a hundred students. Although you two had your laptops out, only one was clearly focused on their work (clearly, it was not you).

“Changmin!” You exclaim as you finally reach out to the guy beside you, gripping his arm. “Do you think Kevin told him?”

Changmin rips his eyes away from his thesis document and gives you a good look. “Yes.” Once you let out a whine, he only laughs as his eyes set back on the unfinished document. “You will be fine! All you need to do is act natural… if you can.” As he mutters those last words, you smack his arm.

“Oh god, what if he just ditches on the meeting?”

“You are seriously overthinking this.”

“I mean, I would ditch a meeting if I found out someone younger had a crazy crush on me.”

Changmin looks at you and gives you a frown. “Are you really that unprofessional? Do you really think Jacob hyung would be that unprofessional?”

“No, but he could still surprise me,” you say as you look at your opened document that showed your possible list of interviewees for the K-Pop idol students coverage.

Changmin scoffs and says, “Yeah, just give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, I could never imagine anyone younger having a crush on you—let alone anyone liking you that way.”

You gasp and shove Changmin to the side. “Ji Changmin! How could you say that!”

“What? It’s true though!” You only frown at his words and look back at your document.

“Yah, leave now. I hate talking to you.”

“I’m just joking!” He hugs you. “Those who don’t think of you as someone crush-worthy are just blind.” You only hum as you continue to type away. “Though, it would still be weird to even imagine it.”

“Yah!” You shove his arms away as he only laughs.

You sigh as you look at him and back to your document. “I can’t believe I have put up with you for 5 years.”

“Yeah, remember when you used to like Sunwoo?” You shove him once more which only has him erupt into giggles.

“What? It’s just funny to think about,” Changmin admits, which makes you roll your eyes.

“You used to like Sunwoo?” Both yours and Changmin’s heads whip up to see a confused Jacob.

Your lips part open. “J-jacob! We didn’t notice you got here.”

Jacob chuckles as he scratches the back of his head. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It’s just that while walking to you two, I overheard that part of the conversation.” He then takes a seat across from you two.

“Oh.” You scratch your arm. “It’s nothing like that. It was just a small crush then because we grew up together. But when I look back at it, it’s just so silly! Like, me liking Sunwoo? So weird, am I right?” You elbow Changmin which only has him yelp. “Right, Changmin?” As you look at him, you give him a smile that only says “Say something.”

“Y-yeah, it was a weak moment for them. It’s something the group laughs about because they got over it so quickly,” He says as he smiles at the guy older than him.

Jacob laughs as he takes out his laptop and says, “I get it. Sometimes, it gets hard to really tell whether you like a friend because you see them as a potential partner or you like what’s familiar.”

For a moment, you process his words. “Yeah… that’s exactly it.” You nod.

Jacob is right. When it comes to liking a friend, the reason behind it tends to get confusing—the line between a potential partner and just someone familiar tends to get blurred. When you looked back at your strong and short-lived crush on Sunwoo, you realized that you never got a good understanding of whether those feelings were as genuine as you thought they would be.

He hums as he opens his laptop to the document you share with him. “Anyway, it’s nice to see you. Also you, Changmin.”

“Yeah.” Changmin closes his laptop and puts it in his bag. “I’ll head out since I’ve got a meeting to attend to.”

“Oh, I see! It was still nice to see you,” Jacob says with a smile so precious; you wish you could capture it.

Changmin smiles back at him before giving you one final look. “Just call me when you’re done, okay?” You nod at him to which he gives you a squeeze on the shoulder and a wink.

With that, he left your table. You watched him walk away with a little bounce on his feet. As you look back at the person in front of you, you realize that you are now alone with Jacob.

“Are you ready to work?” As soon as you nod, he gives you that all-knowing smile that speaks a thousand comforting words. 

It is 6:38 PM when Sunwoo decides to barge into your room. It has been three days since you had your meeting with Jacob. Other than work, not much happened (though you still keep replaying his smile in your head). You are lying down on your bed with Changmin as you watch Lee Youngji’s No Prepare with Bibi.

“Let’s go to Mingyu’s party!” You and Changmin pay no attention to him as you continue to watch the video.

Sunwoo groans as he flops down on your bed and says, “C’mon! We haven’t partied in ages. Don’t you guys miss it?”

“No,” Changmin scoffs, which makes him smack Changmin’s leg.

“Y/N? Don’t you want to drink?” He looks at you with glassy eyes and a pout. You only flip him off which makes him whine. “Ah, c’mon! Chanhee said he’d go if you two would. Why don’t you guys want to drink?”

You start to groan and pause the video. “Sunwoo, can’t I watch my girlfriend Bibi in peace with Changmin?”

“No.”

“Sunwoo, I would love to but…” You tap your iPad screen to look at the time. “... I have to study for my test tomorrow. I cannot risk getting a hangover.”

“Then just don’t drink a lot!”

“You know that’s impossible,” Changmin mutters, which makes you smack his arm. “I’m just pointing out the obvious!”

You sit up and say, “Yeah, well… ugh, you’re right. I actually can’t go.”

“Oh, come on! What if we watch over you?” Sunwoo attempts to convince you.

You turn your head to look at Changmin who was already staring at you. “What do you think?”

“Why do you only ask Changmin?”

“Because I know I can’t trust you to watch over me.” You look back once more at Changmin who was deep in thought.

“Fine.” Changmin sighs as he sits up. “I’ll take care of Y/N.”

“Ah, thank you, Changmin!” Sunwoo exclaims as he hugs him.

“Yah, get your hands off me!”

The four of you arrived at Mingyu’s friend group’s shared house at 8:34 PM. The place was filled with students of different years; some you recognized while others were a mystery.

Since the three boys always hung out at your place, they already had some pieces of clothing stored in the corner of your room. All four of you were dressed up in casual clothing adorned with different accessories.

“Okay, we all have to agree that we're leaving together. That means no one is left behind nor does anyone just decide to leave early without our knowledge,” Chanhee says as he points at you and Sunwoo.

You sigh and nod. “We leave at 12:30 AM. And no Sunwoo, we aren’t leaving later than that.” Sunwoo only pouts. “I actually have a class to attend that I cannot cut.”

“Yeah, yeah. C’mon, let’s go!” He exclaims as he drags Chanhee into the house.

You frown as the two disappear from your sight. Changmin links arms with you which makes you look at him. “You’ll take care of me, right?” He only smiles and drags you into the house.

As the two of you were walking, he would greet people he would recognize. It was only when you finally reached the kitchen area that you were pushed to sit down on one of the stools. You watch his back as he mixes up a drink for you.

“Y/N, I’m going to limit you to drinking like… three drinks maybe,” Changmin says as he finally turns to look at you with two red cups in his hands.

As he hands you his mixed concoction, you sniff it. “What is this?”

“Something fruity… like you.” You only roll your eyes as you finally take a sip.

The tanginess of orange and the sweetness of strawberries filled your mouth. “Woah, it tastes like fruit punch. When did you learn to make this one?”

“I’ve made this for you before.” Changmin takes a sip from his cup. “I think you were just too drunk to remember it.”

You frown at him as you take another sip. “I have no idea why I’m here. Man, I should be studying for my test.”

“To be fair, you made me study with you before we started watching Youngji’s video.” Changmin looks through the snack table and grabs some chips for him to munch on. “And you seem to know your shit pretty well. You’ll be fine.”

“That’s true,” You say as you down your drink.

“You finished your drink already?!”

You give a guilty smile as you hand your cup to Changmin. “It was good.”

“Y/N, you’re supposed to drink slowly! You’ll get drunk if you drink way too fast.”

“No way, that shit tastes like juice.”

Changmin groans and says, “Y/N, that has like how many different alcoholic drinks in that cup. There’s like tequila, vodka, and other shit.”

You gasp as he finds something to put in your cup. “Jesus, Changmin! I thought you were going to take care of me.”

“Yeah, but I thought I could trust you enough to at least handle it yourself also. God, drink some water.” Changmin hands you a cup now full of water.

Once you down the cup, you throw the cup away.

“Yo, Changmin!” You hear someone call out your best friend’s name. Changmin sighs as he looks at you.

“You can go to that, I’ll be fine here,” You say with a smile.

“Remember, only three drinks, okay?” Once you nod, Changmin pats your head and makes his way out of the kitchen.

You sat alone as you looked over the snacks in front of you. You were not the type of person to mope around, and you did not want to force your friends to keep you company. With people coming in and out of the kitchen, you decide to grab your phone and look through Twitter to pass the time.

That is until you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N!” When you look up, you are surprised to see Kevin making his way toward you. It is only when he gets closer that you notice the cute 5th-year student trailing behind him.

“Oh! Kevin… and Jacob? It’s so nice to see you here,” you say as you quickly put your phone away. It is not that you did not expect to see Kevin and Jacob—scratch that, it is exactly that. You were not expecting to see your editor and your crush at a party where you were left to your own devices.

“Hey! Why is my favorite writer all alone?” Kevin asks with a pout.

Jacob makes his way to the stool beside you and takes a seat. “Hi,” he says with that familiar smile that still gives you butterflies.

“Ah, I came here with Chanhee, Changmin, and Sunwoo. They just have other friends they’re talking to so it’s fine,” you say as you scratch your arm.

Kevin grabs some fries and pops them into his mouth. “Damn, well don’t you worry. Both Jacob and I are here to keep our favorite 2nd-year some company.”

The best thing about Jacob and Kevin is that they never once made you feel excluded. In the work you do and all social gatherings that the members of the publication are invited to, they always seem to look out for you. Although you may not know the people they were planning to meet at this party, they still chose to stay with you.

“But first, let’s take some shots!” Kevin exclaims which only has Jacob groan.

“Kevin, the last time you did shots you were blackout drunk. Do you not have class tomorrow?”

“I actually do not! My professor decided to cancel class so I am free to drink!” Kevin smiles as he looks through the selection of liquors. “Will you drink with me, Y/N? Since Jacob is the designated driver.”

For a moment, you look back and forth between Jacob and Kevin. You knew that you would be in big trouble if you drank too much. That is why Changmin could not get mad at you if you drank in moderation.

“Yeah, fuck it. I’m not a lightweight.”

What turned into one shot turned into four shots and two cups (you think) of Jacob’s specialty cocktails. If you were not feeling the buzz then, you were definitely feeling it now. It helped that the alcohol was giving you enough confidence to talk to Jacob freely.

“Damn Y/N, you really know how to handle your liquor,” Kevin points out as he takes a sip from his drink prepared by Jacob.

“Jacob, you know how to prepare drinks for someone who does not usually attend parties,” you say with a small giggle following.

He smiles as he takes a sip from his cup of apple juice and says, “I think I could look into bartending if my degree in Korean Language and Literature fails to get me a job.”

“Hey! I still think you could look into singing,” Kevin says as he nudges Jacob.

You feel your eyes widen at the new piece of information. “You sing?” As you start to notice Jacob’s cheeks get tinted pink, you cannot help but hear your heartbeat in your ears.

“Yeah.” Jacob scratches the back of his head. “I’ve been doing it since high school.”

“You write and sing? Jesus, you got everything,” you say as you eat some chips.

“And he’s pretty good at basketball.” You gasp at this newfound information. “That’s what I’m saying!”

Jacob rolls his eyes as he playfully shoves Kevin. “I don’t have everything. I barely know how to dance.”

“Okay, but you could learn!” Kevin bounces his shoulders up and down. “I believe you could be an idol if you wanted.”

“You could have been a perfect interviewee for the K-Pop idol students coverage we’re doing.”

Jacob laughs at what you say and shakes his head. “Yeah, but I like what I do now.”

Kevin sighs as he wraps his arm around Jacob’s shoulder. “You are too humble for this world. You’re like an angel—not everyone will be blessed to have witnessed you.”

“That’s actually… so true. Wait, you kind of cooked with that,” you say which only has Kevin laugh.

“Right? God, I am such a writer.”

Before you could say anymore, you feel someone grab onto your shoulder. When you look behind you, you see Changmin with a disappointed look. “How much did you have?”

You take a moment to process his words which only makes him grab onto your face. “Y/N.” He scolds as he feels how hot your cheeks are from the alcohol.

“I swear, I’m okay,” You say as you clutch his hands that rested on your cheeks.

“How much did you drink?”

“C’mon, Changmin. I swear–”

“How much?”

You sigh as you move your hands back down to your lap. “Like… 2 more drinks.”

“In the time I was gone?!”

“Hey, Y/N said they were fine, right?” Kevin attempts to step in.

You nod which makes Changmin finally let go of your face. “Yeah, I’m okay. I swear.”

He only sighs as he sets his hands on his hips. “You sure?” Once you nod, he finally lets it go.

“Sorry, it’s just that I was in charge of taking care of Y/N but Juyeon and some other people from the dance team called for me. Hi again, Kevin and Jacob hyung.” He smiles at the two.

Jacob smiles and says, “It’s fine, you’re only looking out for them.”

Before more could be said, you hear someone call out your names. “Y/N-ah! Changmin-ah! Come here!”

As you look to where the sound came from, you can see a tipsy Sunwoo waving his arms at you from the living room. “Bring Jacob hyung and Kevin hyung too.”

“Is… he okay?” Jacob asks as he stands up straight.

You get off your stool and say, “I don’t know.”

Before you decide to leave the kitchen, you reach out for Changmin’s hand and drag him out. The four of you make your way past the busy crowd until you finally see Sunwoo, Chanhee, Juyeon, and some other people you did not recognize. At the coffee table, you see different cups and bottles. Yet, there is one particular cup that catches your eye—one filled with whatever you can imagine.

“We’re testing each other’s loyalty.” As soon as Chanhee says that, Changmin groans.

“Are you serious?”

Sunwoo smiles as he wraps his arm around Changmin’s shoulders. “It’ll be fun! Kevin, Jacob, Juyeon, and Hyunjae are in one team while we are in the other!”

“Wait, but I can’t drink. I’m driving,” Jacob says, which only has Kevin laughing.

“Don’t worry, you’ll just be the last.”

In the loyalty game, you are split into two teams. If your team loses playing rock, paper, or scissors, you all have to drink one shared cup of whatever alcohol concoction the other team made. The real test of loyalty lies in how much your team is willing to drink before forcing the last person in line to drink the rest.

Whenever you four played this game, there was always a shithead (usually Sunwoo) who would drink as little as possible so that the remaining members would drink more. You could not get mad at Sunwoo for usually doing such; it sounds like something you would do too. However, with you having a test tomorrow, you really did not want to risk anything.

“Are we really doing this?” You ask as Sunwoo pushes you and Changmin to his side.

Sunwoo only nods as both he and Chanhee have their hands out. “C’mon, we need to decide the order.”

While the other team was busy deciding their order, you four were playing amongst themselves. Despite what you wanted, the universe had its own plans—the order was Chanhee, Sunwoo, Changmin, and lastly, you.

“Oh, c’mon! Sunwoo, your ass better drink,” you exclaim as you groan.

“Has your order been decided?” Hyunjae, someone you only met right before the game, asks which has you four falling in line.

The other team was ordered by Kevin, Juyeon, Hyunjae, and Jacob. As everyone let out their hums of approval, the game began. You were not paying attention to how the game was playing out as you were up in your thoughts. It is only until you come face-to-face with Jacob’s angelic face (though you do not miss that he had his hand out).

“W-what? You guys lost?!” You exclaimed as you looked at the three devils you always seem to be teamed with.

Sunwoo scratches the back of his head and says, “I believe in you?”

“Your tone makes it sound like you don’t!”

“If it helps, you have a good chance of beating me. I usually suck at these,” Jacob says with a smile.

Somehow, you allow yourself to be fooled by that smile. You block out every sound as you continue to be entranced by his features. That is why when you play the game, you do not realize that you played paper while he played scissors.

Jacob’s team cheered as they grabbed onto him. As the opposing team cheered, your team was left disappointed. You all looked back and forth between each other and the singular cup that rested on the table.

“Bottoms up!” Kevin exclaims which has Chanhee pick up the cup.

He gives you three a good look before he takes a big gulp of the drink. With only ¼ of the drink left, he hands it to Sunwoo who only has a sly smirk on his face.

“Sunwoo, don’t you dare.”

Somehow, the universe made sure to give you one shithead that you would have to endure for the rest of your life. It had to be a shithead that you could never imagine life without. Why did that shithead have to be Sunwoo?

Sunwoo only took a small sip from the cup and handed it to Changmin, earning laughs from the opposing team. Although you could hear Chanhee scolding him, it clearly did not matter to him. You and Changmin give a good look at each other.

“Hey, I can handle it,” You say as you try to tug on his arm.

You do not know how many drinks Changmin already had, but you knew that your friend could not handle his alcohol as much as you could. Still, he chose to ignore your protests as he looked back at everyone.

He tipped the cup back and downed more than he could clearly handle. “Wow, Changmin-ah!” The others cheered. You were only left with barely a dribble of alcohol as he finally handed you the cup. Although everyone was happy with how much he drank, you were worried.

“Changmin, you are so strong,” Kevin says as he pats his shoulders.

You notice the way Changmin wobbles in place. “Ah, come on,” you say as you force him and yourself to take a seat on the couch.

“You didn’t have to drink that much,” you scolded him as you signal Chanhee to get some water for the both of you while the others seemed off in their own worlds.

“It’s fine. I didn’t want you to drink too much because you have a test tomorrow,” he says as he leans his head on your shoulder.

Changmin would always spend his time looking out for you even if you did not ask. It has always been like that since you first became friends with him. Somehow, you were always under the care of your best friend. 

You sigh as you rub your hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, but you could have left a little for me. I know you are worse with alcohol than I am.”

Chanhee arrives with two cups of water. “C’mon, drink up.”

You grab your cup and quickly drink it up before setting it down on the table. You grab Changmin’s cup from Chanhee and try to nudge the boy beside you.

“Hey, you need to drink some water,” you say, which makes Changmin finally grab the cup and finish as much as he can.

You nudged him once more to finish the whole cup of water to which he listened. “Good. You need to drink water after how much you’ve drank.”

Chanhee sighs at the sight of his two friends who were sprawled on the couch and said, “Sunwoo, I think it’s time we go.”

“W-what? Why?” Sunwoo whines as he takes a seat beside his drunk friends.

“I’m tipsy and your friend here is fucking drunk,” you say as you point to Changmin whose head was on your shoulder and eyes were getting droopy.

Sunwoo frowns for a moment. “Fine, let’s go.” He attempts to stand up with the help of Chanhee.

“Hey.” You nudge as you whisper to Changmin. “Let’s go home, okay?”

He looks up and stares into your eyes for a moment. And suddenly he erupts into giggles.

“Y/N-ah, your face is so funny.”

You roll your eyes at what he says and nudge him off your shoulder. As he whines, you help him off the couch. His arm wraps around your shoulder as he slouches beside you.

“Hey, let me help,” Jacob says as he helps hold up Changmin.

“Ah, thank you.”

The three of you slowly make your way out of the house and see Sunwoo and Chanhee standing by the sidewalk. You only notice that Kevin followed as soon as he spoke. “Hey, do you and your friends need a ride back to your place?”

“Oh, you don’t have to! We were just going to get an Uber,” you attempt to reassure them.

Jacob shakes his head and says, “No, it’s fine! I think it would be safer for you also.”

You bite your lip as you look at Chanhee. All he does is give you a shrug as he continues to nurse Sunwoo. As soon as you sigh, you decide to give in to your editor’s offer.

“Thank you, Kevin and Jacob. I’m sorry about this. Please let Chanhee and I pay you back for this.”

“It’s fine! It’s nice to see you and your friends,” Jacob says with a smile.

As your group makes its way to Jacob’s car, you notice that his car is big enough to carry at most eight people. Sunwoo and Chahee got in the third row of the car, you and Changmin got in the second row, and Kevin sat in the shotgun. Once Jacob turned on the ignition, you told him the address of Changmin and Chanhee’s place.

The ride was mostly quiet with the occasional grunts from Sunwoo. Changmin was fast asleep on your shoulder as you stared out the window.

Usually, the roles would have been reserved—Changmin would spend most of his time taking care of your drunk ass. Yet, to see him go to such lengths to make sure you do not miss your test warms your heart.

It is 11:35 AM. You were on your way back to Changmin and Chanhee’s place to check up on the three boys. Thankfully, your test was not too hard. You knew that if you studied a little harder, you could have aced it.

As soon as you arrived at their place, you knocked on the door only to be greeted by Chanhee who was pretty alive. “Hey, how are they?” You ask as you step in and remove your shoes to put aside.

“Sunwoo is fine. Changmin, however, is dying. I think he’s just been in bed,” he says as he closes the door behind you.

You quickly make your way to Changmin’s room and open the door to only see him still in bed with squinted eyes. As you pout at the sight, you quietly make your way to the bed and sit down beside him. Due to the sudden action, his eyes snap open which has you show him a guilty smile.

“Hey, Changmin-ah.” You set your hand on his leg and lightly rub it up and down. “Are you okay?”

It takes a moment for him to process your words. As soon as he lets out a groan, you only chuckle.

“I got you something.” You look through your bag and pull out a bottle of hangover cure before dropping it to the floor. “I know you usually drink this before drinking, but I think it would still help you now.”

Changmin only hums one more as his eyes start to get droopy. 

“C’mon, drink this before you go back to sleep,” You say as you scoot closer to him.

You helped him sit up straight and opened the bottle for him. Although Changmin grabbed it, you helped make sure he would finish it before placing it on the bedside table. He started to lie back down on the bed, dragging you along.

“Hey.” You try to move only for him to wrap his arms around you and nuzzle his face into your neck. “Changmin, I–”

Changmin only shushes you. For a moment, you two remain like that. He always seems to cling to you whenever he can. In your time knowing him, you have always noticed that he likes physical touch more than your other two friends. It never bothered you. If anything, it felt nice to know that there would always be someone who would want to cling to you—if he needed to do so, you always found yourself allowing it.

“Changmin-ah, we have practice,” Sunwoo says as he enters the room to see you two cozied up.

As he takes in the sight, he only frowns. “Is he still dead?”

You frown back and whisper, “You guys have dance practice? We should have never gone out drinking, the fuck.”

“To be fair, I was not expecting him to drink that much.” Despite Sunwoo’s attempts to defend himself, you only flip him off.

You look at the guy sleeping next to you, feeling his breath against the side of your neck. The thing with Changmin is that he hates missing practice. There have been instances where he would get a fever and be extremely guilty for missing it.

As you sigh, you look back at Sunwoo who only had a guilty smile plastered on his face. “Let him sleep in. He’s not in the state to practice right now.”

“Y/N, you know he’s going to be mad if he misses out on practice.”

“Well, let him be mad.” You frown. “He can be mad at me for all I care. Let him rest, I already feel bad that he’s like this because of us.” With that, Sunwoo nods and leaves the room.

It is 7:43 PM. You and Jacob finished interviewing Song Yuqi, a member of (G)I-DLE‎. Your next and last interview for your assigned coverage would be four days from now with Choi Yeonjun of TXT. 

“Ah, what a day!” You exclaim as you made your way out of the classroom you were interviewing Yuqi in. Jacob and Chanhee trailed behind you with slouched shoulders.

Chanhee only sighs as he looks through the photos he took. “Tell me about it.”

“Nice work, you two. I can’t believe it’s this late already.” Jacob takes a look at the time. “What do you guys have planned now?”

“I’m actually going to hang out with Hyunjae hyung.”

You gasp at Chanhee’s words and smack his arm. “How come I didn’t know about this?!”

“To be fair, not much has happened. We just exchanged numbers at the party,” he mumbles the last sentence. “Which is why I need to go. I’ll see you guys for Yeonjun’s interview!”

With that, you were left alone with Jacob.

“Care to walk with me?” You give him a smile and nod. As the two of you walked, a comfortable silence came. Throughout your time working with Jacob, you felt happy to be with him whether you two were talking about nothing or everything.

“So, how are you? How’s Changmin and Sunwoo?” You laugh at Jacob’s question.

It has been a week since you went to Mingyu’s party—a week since Changmin took care of you. Throughout the week, you have not been able to spend time with him and Sunwoo due to the press cycle work. Chanhee could easily see them since he lives with Changmin.

At first, you were fine with it since it meant you were spending more time with Jacob (with Chanhee joining every once in a while). You got to learn more about him outside of the image you created in your head.

He has always loved to sing and play basketball since he was young. However, it was only in high school that he obtained this newfound love for Korean literature. The more he ventured into the topic, the more he felt happy with pursuing it as his course.

What surprised you is that he never planned to write for the university’s newspaper. Despite being one of the best writers you know in the publication (not an overstatement), he only applied because Kevin dragged him to do so. You never knew that their friendship went way back since high school.

As the days went by, you started to miss your other best friends. You texted them occasionally in the group chat but not much was said other than reasons why you could not meet up with them. Your time with Jacob sadly could not make up for the fact that you missed hanging out with your best friends.

“They’re okay. I haven’t been hanging out with them that much since the party because of the work we do,” you admit.

Jacob pouts and says, “I can only imagine since they do have practice also. That’s why I find it hard to hang out with Juyeon as well.”

You only sigh as you two make your way out of the building. “Yeah, I just miss seeing them. I know they have been stressed about the upcoming competition also so it doesn’t help that we’re just busy.”

“Yeah, it’s funny how even if we're all in the same university, it’s still hard to find time to hang out.”

Jacob is right. With your friend group coming from different courses, years, and extracurricular activities, it does get hard to find time to meet. Despite fixing your schedules to make sure that you all would have lunch together, some obligations seem to get in the way.

Yet, you four always made it work. No matter how different your schedules may be or how different your priorities are, your friend group always found its way back to each other.

Before you could say more, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. Once you take it out, you notice a message from Changmin.

qramzi 🐿️: are you free rn? qramzi 🐿️: if you are, come to the dance studio

“You should go to him.” You look up only to see Jacob smiling at you.

You pout and ask, “How did you know it was from one of them?”

“Just a feeling.” He hums as he looks at the athletics center from afar. “Also, you kind of have this certain smile every time you talk to your friends—it’s nice to see.”

You cannot hide the blush that starts to creep onto your face. It never dawned on you that Jacob has observed you enough to notice such a small detail. As soon as his smile got bigger, you were certain that he noticed how flustered you were.

“I’ll see you a few days from now. Thanks, Jacob.” And with that, you were off to the athletics center.

The moment you got into the center, you could hear the faint sounds of “No Diggity” by Blackstreet from afar. You walked to the source until you arrived in front of the door leading to the main dance studio. As soon as you swung it open, you could see your best friend in the middle of a dance routine.

Changmin was dressed up in jogging pants and a white shirt that was starting to cling onto his torso. You could notice the light shine on his skin, glistening from sweat. Only time could tell how long he has been practicing. 

The moment he spots you through the mirror, he quickly halts his movements and runs toward you. “Y/N-ah!” He barely gives you time to enter the studio and wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Changmin! You’re sweaty!” You complain as he continues to hold onto you. As you closed the doors behind you, he finally let go of you with a big smile on his face. “You get so happy to see me. Maybe I should just avoid seeing you,” you joke only for him to roll his eyes.

“Don’t even try. You know damn well you can’t survive without seeing me too.”

You only smile as you follow him back to the spot where he was practicing. He reached out for his phone to pause the music while you sat on the ground to lean your back against the mirror.

“So, is there any reason you called me here?”

Changmin shrugs as he wipes the sweat off his forehead. “Just missed you, that’s all.”

“Be for real right now.”

“Fine. I need a ride back home.” You roll your eyes as Changmin starts to beg you.

“C’mon! You know how hard it is to find a ride back at this time, especially at our university.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Just buy me dinner at least.”

Changmin frowns and asks, “You haven’t eaten?” Once you nod, he shakes his head and grabs his phone before taking a seat beside you. “You really need to eat.” He passes you his phone. “How do you even survive your meetings with an empty stomach?”

“To be fair, I had a late lunch.”

“And what exactly did you eat for your late lunch?”

“Well…” You give a sheepish smile. “Some yogurt.”

“Exactly what I thought. Whatever, just order something for the both of us.”

“That was good,” you say as you rest your hand on your belly.

Changmin is seated across from you with a frown on his face. “Really? I wasn’t able to tell since you practically devoured my food.”

“Hey! You were the one who offered your food to me!”

Changmin laughs and ruffles your hair. “I’m just kidding.” You frown and attempt to fix the mess he created.

“You have a competition, right? At the end of the semester?”

“Yeah.” Changmin sighs as he looks down at his phone. “It’s happening around late November so that it doesn’t coincide with finals season.”

You decide to ask him the golden question. “How is it so far?”

For a moment, Changmin does not respond. He lets his head loll backward and stares up at the ceiling. Before you could say anything more, he started to speak.

“It’s a lot, really. I think it’s sinking in that this will probably be the last competition I participate in since I’m planning to choreograph one of the performances for the year-end concert.” He looks back at you. “I just… want it to be perfect, you know?”

You have always known Changmin to be a perfectionist. Since your time working with him in the publication, he has always been particular about the work he puts out. Sunwoo has also shared his experience with the perfectionist when it came to dancing (and it was not a pleasant experience). Though, you understood where he came from.

“I want my last performance to be something I am proud of…” He takes a deep breath. “Because I know I won’t have another opportunity to dance again.”

As he says those words, you reach out to his hand that rests on his lap and hold onto it. He looks down at your intertwined fingers and shows a small smile at the sight. 

“I understand where this is coming from. I don’t even think it has fully sunk in that you’re graduating already,” you admit as you bite the inside of your cheek.

Changmin chuckles and jokes, “Don’t think you’ll survive without me?”

“Yeah,” you answer without letting a beat pass.

It is true. No matter how independent you made yourself out to be, you knew how much you relied on your friends—most especially Changmin. You have gone so long in your life with your best friends at your side that you never let yourself imagine a life without them.

“It’s almost like when you first graduated high school; I remember I couldn’t stop crying after you graduated.” Changmin laughs at the memory you mention. “You remember that, right?”

“Of course I do. I remember I was comforting you and Sunwoo on the day I was finally free from high school.”

You smile as you look back down at your hand that held him. “It’s just silly to recall. I mean, it already seemed like Sunwoo was set on going to the same university as you—just not me.”

“But you’re here now.”

And you nod as you look back at his eyes. “Yeah, I am.”

Changmin moves to take a seat beside you. With his hand still latched onto yours, he draws circles on the back of your hand.

“I’m glad to be here, you know?” You lean your head on his shoulder. “I like to know that as we grow in the things we like to do, we’ll always be there to witness each other reach heights we used to dream of.”

It is silent for a moment. All you could hear was Changmin’s breathing in sync with yours. You let your eyes close for a minute, happy enough to just be in that moment with your pillar of strength—your very own reason to keep going.

“I’m glad you’re here, too.”

“Ah, thank you so much again for having this interview with us!” You bow with Jacob and Chanhee to express your gratitude to Yeonjun. The four of you have officially wrapped the last interview for the coverage of K-Pop student idols. With Yuqi’s and Yeonjun’s experiences, the three of you got to learn the joys and struggles that come with such a life.

“No, thank you! It was nice to talk about my experience,” he says with a smile. “I’ll be heading out. It’s nice to see you again, Chanhee hyung.” Chanhee gives him a wave before he bids farewell and leaves the room. You sigh happily as you look down at the notes you took.

“Chanhee, you know him?” Jacob asks to which he nods.

“Yeah, I’ve had some classes with him. Not much interaction but he’s alright.”

You nod as you flip through your notes. “He’s cute.”

“Yah!” Chanhee smacks your arm only to make you laugh. “You know how risky it is to pursue an idol?!”

“I’m just saying! Jeez, I’m not going to marry him or anything. I’ll just check the group out,” you whisper those last words which causes him to shake his head.

“Whatever, I can’t stop your ass,” he admits defeat as he stands up from his seat and slings his messenger bag on his shoulder. “Y/N, I’ll catch you later at our place, right?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Thanks, again! I’ll see you two for the next coverage.” With that, Chanhee was off.

Once again, you were left alone with Jacob.

“Hey, Y/N?” Your eyes shoot up to Jacob who was already off his chair. “Do you… want to grab lunch with me?”

“I’m sorry?” You could not believe the words that left his mouth.

“I mean, if you’re busy it’s fine!” Jacob scratches the back of his head. “It’s just that it’s about to be lunchtime.”

You cannot help but smile. Never would you have ever expected to have lunch with your crush—let alone be asked by him too. If there was a way to talk to your younger self, you would talk about this moment.

“Y-yeah! I’m free.” You close your notepad and shove it in your bag. “We definitely can.”

Jacob smiles as soon as you get off your seat. “Great! Do you like pho?”

Once you nod, his smile gets bigger. You do not think you will ever get over that smile.

It is 8:23 PM. You and Changmin were seated on his bed as you stared at the homework on your laptop for your Biology class due tomorrow. Although you were a HUMSS student, you had to take general subjects as it was required in the curriculum.

Despite having the choice to pick amongst the different natural science courses offered, you had the unfortunate fate of being left with Human Biology (you did not even know they offered it to non-STEM students) as the only option. You were usually decent with basic science, but you could not understand anything complex. That is why you were glad to have a friend who was well-versed in it.

“Jesus, which professor did you end up with?” Changmin asks as he skims through the worksheet full of questions you barely understood.

“Mr. Hwang.”

“You got him?!” He exclaims with his eyebrows shooting up. “Even I managed to avoid him because of all the reviews he got.”

You roll your eyes and let yourself plop back on his bed. “I know, and I hate him. It just sucks because his schedule fits my timetable perfectly so I thought it would be fine.”

Changmin clicks his tongue against his teeth and says, “Well, your problem now.”

“I know!” You sit back up and frown at your friend who was reading through your homework. “It was impossible to be transferred to another class because the other classes were clashing with my major classes.”

He nudges your shoulder and says, “At least you have me to help you out.”

Somehow, it took only two hours for you two (mostly Changmin) to accomplish your homework. During that time, it was mostly productive with you getting side-tracked by your phone. It helped that he took his time explaining each question rather than leaving you in the dark.

“You know, you’re a very good teacher,” you point out as you finally submit your work through the online portal.

“What do you expect? I mean, I’m hoping to be a preschool teacher,” Changmin says as he stretches his back.

“I don’t know.” You finally open up another document that had your draft for your first coverage with Jacob. “It’s just nice to experience it first-hand.”

Changmin takes a peek at your screen and pouts at the sight. “More work?” You only hum as you go through Kevin’s comments, approving most edits.

“You’re still working with Jacob, right?” As soon as a smile starts to creep in, he gasps. “How is it?”

“It’s fun!” You shrug as you type on your keyboard to answer some comments your editor has and attempt to reflect it on your second draft. “He’s really reliable, so I’m happy that I’m working with him.”

He smirks. “And?”

“Well…” You bit on the inside of your cheek in an attempt to stop the smile from getting any bigger. “He asked me out to lunch.”

As soon as you reveal that piece of information, he smiles. “That’s great.”

“Yeah, it’s not much.”  You shrug. “I mean, it seemed convenient to just eat together then.”

“Hey, it’s still something,” he says, which makes you feel at ease.

Your best friend is well aware of your very barren love life. If anything, you two were in the same boat. Although you always find yourself jumping from one crush to another, he has never found himself entertaining anyone who was interested.

It is funny—you two are opposites that stick together. While you ramble about all your short-lived crushes, he always listened as if it were the morning radio. However, your crushes never progressed past the infatuation stage. That is why when you share with him your adventures with Jacob, it felt like this was turning out differently from other puppy loves.

You sigh and decide to abandon your work. “He’s a very sweet guy.”

“I’m glad he is. You only deserve sweet ones,” Changmin says, which makes you pout.

“And thank you for always reminding me that.”

It is true—he has always made sure to remind you that you only deserve happiness. No matter how many one-sided crushes, terrible professors, or mental hurdles you faced, he liked to remind you that there is something at the end worth fighting for.

“What about you? Do you have anyone you like or just find interesting?” You decide to finally ask your best friend.

He shakes his head and says, “Nope. I’m so busy with dance and thesis.”

You could only laugh in disbelief. “I’m not asking if you’re planning to date anyone! You really don’t find anyone cute?”

“Ask me again after the competition.” He shrugs before letting himself lie down on his bed. “Right now, there’s no one.”

With your work now abandoned, you let yourself lie down beside him. The two of you stared up at the ceiling as you let silence come between you. You could only hear Changmin’s breathing. Once you rolled onto your side, you let your eyes fall on your best friend.

In that period, you let yourself really take in his appearance; his eyebags have gotten heavier; his shoulders seemed tense; his eyes were on the border of closing. You always knew that your best friend has been tired from his academics and dance, but now was the only time you started to see how it was affecting him physically.

“Hey,” you speak up which has him turning his head to face you. Before you could say anything more, your hand reaches out for his. “I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right?”

He gives you a soft smile and intertwines his fingers with yours. Instead of saying anything, he rolls on his side. And with his eyes closed, he brings your linked hands close to where his heart is.

It has been weeks since you and Jacob wrapped up your first coverage together. Surprisingly, you two had minimal edits—almost like a clean close. Kevin seemed happy with the work you two delivered.

“Excellent read! I can’t believe you managed to interview Yeonjun and Yuqi for this,” your editor says as he scans through the article once more. “Plus, Chanhee’s photos and videos are good. Nice call, by the way. I think the videos will help in garnering more attention.”

Kevin quickly switches windows and plays a video of Yeonjun’s interview. “Who did you get from the video editing team to work on this?”

“I worked on it mostly, but Heejin helped in some segments I didn’t know how to execute,” Chanhee answers as he proudly watches his work on Kevin’s screen.

Jacob watches the video in awe and says, “Woah, this is nice. Did you know about this, Y/N?”

“Yup!” You nod as you smile at the three. “Chanhee was showing it to me throughout his editing process. It’s cool to see it come to life.”

You have always known your best friend to be well-versed in photography and video editing. When he initially pitched the idea to you, you wondered why he wanted to do it himself when you had a small staff capable of handling it. However, the process to ring them in would only take too long. Chanhee’s persistence is both a present and a threat—he always found himself pushing limits which could ultimately lead him to his downfall or success.

“God,” Kevin says with a happy sigh. “You three are almost like the perfect team! I’m looking forward to the other coverages. Once the two coverages are done, I will for sure treat you three to some food.” The three of you could only smile at his praise and promise.

Now, it is 9:34 PM. The most anticipated party of the year has finally come—Sohn Eric’s Halloween Extravaganza. Despite him being the same year as you and Sunwoo, everyone agreed that he knew how to party. Last year, you two along with Changmin got hammered while Chanhee was left to take care of you three.

At that same party, you made friends with other members of the publication who were not part of the Features staff while Sunwoo was busy making out with someone from the volleyball team. While Changmin was busy hanging out with people from his dance team and playing drinking games, Chanhee was out talking to someone from the soccer team. It seemed that everyone was happy with what they gained from the party.

Now, you and Sunwoo are seated on the couch at Changmin and Chanhee’s place all dressed up in costume. While you chose to go as Howl Jenkins Pendragon from Howl’s Moving Castle, Sunwoo opted to go as a soccer player.

“Your costume is so generic,” you point out as you look at him from head to toe.

Sunwoo frowns. “I’m sorry that I chose to not weeb out like you.”

As he plays with the soccer ball in his hand, you decide to ask him a question. “Where did you even find the jersey?”

All he does is point to the back of his shirt which has the last name “Lee” and the number ten. “I asked Dokyeom hyung and he had an old jersey that I could borrow.”

You furrow your eyebrows, confused to hear that name leave his mouth. “Since when were you and Dokyeom friends?”

“Since that one party where we played the loyalty game,” he says with a smirk. “C’mon Y/N, didn’t you say I was Mr. Popular?”

You could only roll your eyes at the way he flatters himself. “God, you are so annoying. And also so boring. I can’t believe you chose to dress up as your old sport just because you want to make out with someone.”

Your best friend shrugs with a smirk still resting on his lips. “Or go up to the fourth base with someone.” As soon as he says those words, you scrunch your face up in disgust.

“Changmin! Chanhee! Please save me from this fucktard!” Sunwoo shoves your arm which only makes you laugh. You spot Chanhee finally leaving his room all dressed up in a blue jumpsuit and goggles sitting on the top of his head.

“Ah, you did end up going with Pororo!” You exclaim with a smile on your face.

Chanhee spins around in place to show you two his whole fit. “Does it look nice?” He asks with a shy smile on his face.

“Yeah! It suits you,” Sunwoo says, which allows Chanhee to feel relieved.

“Where’s Changmin? It’s almost 10 PM!” You say as you stand up from the couch. Chanhee only shrugs as he takes a seat beside Sunwoo. “I don’t know what’s taking him this long.” You sigh and walk towards the door of Changmin’s room.

“Changmin!” You knock on his door. “We’re waiting for you.”

No response. With a frown on your face, you swing the door open. As you step into the room, you notice that everything has been tidied up in his room, no sign of him getting ready. You tilt your head at the sight, clearly confused.

“What the fuck? Chanhee, he’s not even here!” Before you could do any more, you felt someone grab onto your shoulder with a menacing whisper following right after. 

“Peekaboo.”

As soon as you hear those words, you screech. “What the fuck!” You spin around only to reveal that the sinister voice belonged to Changmin whose smile was bigger than ever. As you take in his costume of blue overalls, red wig, and a lazy attempt at stitches on his face, you notice a creepy doll tucked in his arm.

“Yah, Ji Changmin!” You whine as you let yourself take a seat on his bed with your hand clutching your chest.

He only laughs as he parades his doll around. “You’re still such a scaredy cat.”

You frown and say, “You’re so mean! You know how much I hate stuff like this!”

Both Chanhee and Sunwoo quickly enter the room to see the mess Changmin has created. “Yah, you know Y/N hates this more than me and Sunwoo,” Chanhee says as he shakes his head.

“When did you even get that doll?”

“First off, his name is Chucky. And I got him a few days ago! I’m so glad he arrived on time,” Changmin answers Sunwoo’s question and plays with his doll once more.

Chanhee sighs and grabs your hand to pull you off the bed. “C’mon, it’s almost 10 PM. We should head to Eric’s place already.”

The perpetrator quickly links his free arm with yours and pouts. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I was expecting to scare Sunwoo but you came in!”

“What do you mean you were trying to scare me?!”

Changmin scowls at Sunwoo and says, “This isn’t about you.”

You roll your eyes. “It’s fine. I guess you wanted to have your fun before you have to take care of our asses.” Once you see the confusion on Changmin’s face, you cannot help but smile.

“What do you mean I have to take care of you guys?”

Chanhee giggles and says, “That’s what we agreed on last time, remember? You take care of us while Sunwoo, Y/N, and I drink our hearts out.”

It takes Changmin a moment to recall the said conversation which happened a month ago. As soon as the memory hits him, he groans. “Really?”

You shrug, clearly happy with how the events are playing out. “Think of it as your way of saying sorry to me.” He only sighs, knowing he could not argue.

The four of you finally arrived at Eric’s place which was bustling with more people than expected. You could only guess that word about last year’s party got around. From what you could see, some people came in different costumes. In a sea of generic costumes such as nurses and firefighters, you were happy to spot cool costumes like Sanrio or video game characters.

“Well, I’m headed off to find Eric,” Sunwoo says.

“I’ll join you.” Chanhee says before he takes a look at you and Changmin. “Don’t forget, we leave at the latest 1 AM. Don’t separate, okay?”

As soon as you two nod, Sunwoo and Chanhee make a beeline toward wherever Eric may be. You cling to Changmin’s arm as he leads you two to the kitchen. What you do not expect to see is your editor and crush there.

Kevin was dressed up in a black and white leopard print and makeup which you could only guess as Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians. However, nothing could have prepared you for Jacob’s outfit. He wore a volleyball uniform and an orange wig with a volleyball by his hip. You have always been a big fan of Haikyuu, so to see Jacob dressed up as one of your favorite characters made your heart flutter.

“Oh, Kevin and Jacob hyung!” Changmin exclaims, which grabs their attention.

“Y/N and Changmin! It’s so nice to see you,” Kevin says with a smile on his face.

“Ah, Cruella de Vil and Hinata?”

“Yeah! Not a lot of people could figure out who I dressed up as. Everyone loves Jacob’s costume though,” he answers your best friend.

“You’re Howl, right? And Changmin is Chucky because of the doll.” Jacob asks which finally has you snap out of your trance.

Changmin smiles as he tries to show off his doll and answers, “Yeah! Do you like him?”

“He’s… something!” Kevin says which only makes you laugh.

“If it helps, I hate that doll.” In an attempt to agree with your editor, you earn a nudge from Changmin.

“Hey! He’s our kid,” he complains with a pout on his lips. You only ignore his comment and drag him to take a seat with you on the stools.

Since Jacob and Kevin were wrapped up in their conversation, you took this as an opportunity to quietly ask Changmin something. “You don’t want to hang out with your friends from the dance team?”

He shakes his head and says, “I’m fine here with you.” You let yourself smile at him before he could find a way for you two to squeeze into Jacob and Kevin’s conversation.

While the four of you talked over some drinks specially made by Jacob, you were pleasantly surprised to see Eric come in a baseball uniform. “Hey, guys!”

“Eric! It’s nice to see you,” You greet the party host.

“Why are you guys just here?” Eric quickly grabs a bottle of beer. “You don’t want to dance or play some party games?”

“We’ll probably join the crowd in a little bit,” Kevin says as he wraps his arm around Eric’s shoulder. “Also, coming in your baseball uniform? You’re so generic.”

“Hey! It was the only thing I had since I was busy organizing this party,” Eric attempts to defend himself.

Jacob chuckles and says, “Well, it’s a nice party.”

“Thank you!”

“Have you seen Sunwoo and Chanhee?” Changmin decides to ask the host.

“Oh, yeah! I saw them just a few minutes ago.” Eric chuckles. “Sunwoo’s busy trying to rizz up someone from the swimming team.”

Your face scrunches up in disgust as you lean your head on Changmin’s shoulder. “What about Chanhee?”

“I think he’s just with Hyunjae hyung.”

“Ah, I see,” you say with a smirk as your best friend and Kevin giggle.

It takes a few seconds before the dots connect in Jacob’s head. “Is something going on between Chanhee and Hyunjae?” He asks with a gasp. 

“Yeah! Haven’t you noticed that Hyunjae hyung is always with him?”

Jacob ponders over his best friend’s question for a moment. “Huh, that makes sense.”

“They’re actually so cute, but I actually don’t think anything is going to happen,” Eric says after he takes a sip of his beer.

Changmin hums and agrees, “Based on what I talked about with Chanhee, it looks like they’re just friends.”

“You don’t think it’ll turn into something more?” Kevin asks with a pout on his lips.

“It would get messy, don’t you think? Since your friend groups are slowly getting close.”

You sigh and answer Eric’s question with, “Honestly, whatever makes the two happy. I think they’ll manage to figure it out.”

“Feelings are weird.” Once Changmin says those words, you could only hum in agreement. You felt like you did not know enough to comment on whatever Chanhee and Hyunjae have going on. All that mattered to you is that your friends were happy and safe at all times.

“Hey, Changmin hyung!” Someone you could only recognize to be Lee Chan, Changmin’s teammate in the dance team, enters the kitchen with a cup in his hands. “Oh, hi Eric! Well, I just wanted to call my lovely friend to play some beer pong with us. You guys are free to join us!”

“Oh, I’ll join!” Eric quickly says before he makes his way out of the kitchen.

As you lift your head from Changmin’s shoulder, your best friend frowns at Chan. “Wait, I can’t drink that much. I’m taking care of Y/N and like… the others.”

You shake your head and nudge him. “It’s fine,” you reassure him.

He shakes his head firmly and says, “We have a buddy system, remember? Plus, I don’t want to ditch you.” 

“Then they can join us!” Chan attempts to convince him further. “If it helps, we’re playing with people outside of the dance team.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll probably just hang with those from the publication.” You smile at Chan and take a look at Changmin. “What if I just meet you two hours from now? We can meet here.” Changmin bites the inside of his cheek as he contemplates.

“Uhm, we’ll also stay with Y/N,” Jacob chimes in. As your head whips in his direction, you could see his signature smile. You would think that working with him for a few weeks would give you time to get used to his smile. And yet, you still found yourself melting at the view.

“Yeah!” You look back at your best friend. “I promise that I won’t drink too much without you.” It takes a moment before Changmin decides to give in to Chan’s request. Before he could stand up from his seat, you reach out for his doll. “Let me take care of our child.”

He cannot help but smile before he hands his Chucky doll to you. “I won’t forget you calling him that.” With that, he followed Chan out of the kitchen.

You sigh and hold the Chucky doll close to you, combing through its hair. “Do you know where News and Social Media are staying? Maybe we can stay with Seungkwan and Yeji?”

“I spotted them by the pool area. It’s actually in the same area Changmin is playing beer pong,” Kevin says, which has you standing up from your seat.

“Why don’t you guys go ahead? I’ll just meet you there,” you say as your eyes looked through the drinks.

And there comes Jacob with his sweet smile. “I’ll wait for you. Kevin, we can just meet you there.”

For a moment, you could notice Kevin snickering but he quickly covers it up by saying, “Sure.” As soon as he makes his way out of the kitchen, you give your crush a shy smile.

“Do you mind mixing me another drink?”

Jacob chuckles as he grabs the cup from you. “It’s fine, I don’t mind if it’s you.”

You do not know what to make of his comment, slightly blushing as he creates another great concoction. You decided to stand beside him and lean against the counter so that you could get a good look at whatever he was making you. In the cup, he poured two different liquors and cranberry juice.

“Can I… ask something?” He decides to ask you as he hands you back your cup.

You raise your eyebrows before you take a sip of the drink. “Oh, it’s good!” He smiles at your comment. “Yeah, of course! Ask whatever.”

Jacob takes a moment to think over his words. “I don’t really know how to ask it.”

You laugh and say, “Jacob, aren’t you a writer?”

“Yeah! But sometimes, words are weird.”

“Just say it to me straight. I think it would make it easier for us both,” you reassure him before you drink.

“Are you and Changmin dating?” As soon as those words leave his mouth, you choke on your drink.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” He quickly grabs some tissue and wipes your chin as you cough.

As you grab the tissue from his hand, you set down your cup on the counter. “S-sorry! I didn’t expect that.”

“That’s why I said I didn’t know how to phrase it right.” He pouts as you wave your hand at him to signal that it was alright.

“No, your question is fine!” You cough out before taking a deep breath. “Why would you think that?”

Jacob scratches the back of his neck and says, “I just thought so based on tonight’s event. I suspected something was going on between you two that one night I gave you guys a ride home. I was just thinking that tonight might have confirmed my suspicion.” You tilt your head over his words.

All throughout your friendship with Changmin, no one has ever thought of you two in a relationship. In every interaction and time spent with him, you have always thought it was normal. Sure, you do acknowledge that you spend more time with him than you do with Sunwoo and Chanhee, but it never meant that you two were together.

“We aren’t,” you start off with a smile. “We’re just very close, that’s all. I am very much single.”

Jacob nods with a relieved smile on his face. “Alright, that’s good to know.”

Before you could process his words, he spoke. “C’mon, let’s meet with the others.”

Over the hours, you have been half-focused on the conversation going on between your friends from the publication. Your mind was still trying to wrap around the fact that Jacob would think that way—you cannot even believe he seemed relieved to hear you are single.

While most of your group sat in a circle on foldable chairs, some had to stay standing up. Despite being deep in thought, you were somewhat hyperaware every time Jacob was looking at you from where he stood. Never did you ever expect the 5th-year student to show some interest towards you. 

That is why you never noticed someone grab your shoulder. You jump in your seat and take a look behind you to see Changmin with a concerned look on his face. “Hey, are you okay?” He whispers only for you to hear.

You nod and quickly get off your seat. “Hi, I’ll come back.” As soon as you bid farewell to the group, you grab Changmin’s arm and make your way to somewhere far from Jacob.

Once you two arrive at a relatively quiet corner of the backyard, you take a seat down by the porch. With a worried expression on his face, he takes a seat beside you and grabs the doll from you. 

“What’s up?”

You place your hands on the bottom half of your face and take a deep breath. “You would not believe what Jacob said to me.”

“You’re scaring me,” he says, which only makes you laugh as you shake your head.

“No, it’s just funny! But also, so many thoughts are being thunk right now.”

“Okay, what?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows. Clearly, the suspense was starting to kill him.

You bite the inside of your cheek. “He just asked if I was single!” The way Changmin’s eyebrows shoot up is a sight you could only laugh at.

“Are you serious?” He asks, shocked by your news.

“I know!” You squeal as you smack his arm. “Well, he did ask if you and I were dating–”

“He asked WHAT?!” Your best friend shouts which attracts some looks.

You smack his arm and give an apologetic smile to those who looked over at you two. Once you look back at him, you could see the expression on his face—something you could describe as shock and disgust mixed together. With the way his eyebrows are furrowed as he moves slightly away, you could tell he was taken aback by what you revealed.

“Oh, yeah! It was so weird.” You shake your head before you take a peek at where your friends were (thankfully, Jacob was preoccupied with whatever conversation was going on). You look back at Changmin and say, “I remember even choking on my drink just because he asked. But anyway, that’s beside the point–”

“Why would he think that?”

You roll your eyes as your best friend continues to cut you off. “Honestly, I don’t really know. I mean, he explained but it didn’t make sense.” He looks you up and down with a frown on his face.

“Hey! It can’t be that bad to date me!” You exclaim as you smack his arm once more.

“I’m just thinking that it would be weird for us to date!”

You roll your eyes and say, “Obviously. It’s even weirder to think I had a crush on Sunwoo then.” Before Changmin could say more, you say, “Jacob just thought so with how close we are, but I made it perfectly clear that I am single. And here’s the kicker.”

Your best friend only signals you to continue with what you are saying. “He said he was glad to know that,” you finally say as you smack his arm, earning a groan from him.

“Can you stop smacking me?”

You ignore his request as you remember the events. “I’ve never had a crush actually show some type of interest towards me. It’s so surreal.” You let yourself lean back on your hands so that you could look up at the sky.

With your eyes looking up to the starry night, you smile as you let out a happy sigh. Despite being in your second year of college, you never really had that much experience with romance aside from occasional one-sided crushes (whether with you as the apple of someone’s eye or the idea of someone plaguing your mind). That is why when Jacob shares such words, you cannot help but feel so much warmth spread throughout your body.

“I’m glad, though.” You look at your best friend who has a small smile on his face. “I’m glad that what you have is going somewhere,” he says which only makes you grin.

It is during these moments that you remember how long you and Changmin have been friends. From achievements to heartbreaks, you both have been there for each other to witness it all. In the greatest and lowest moments, the two of you always found solace in each other.

Changmin looked at himself in the mirror—all dressed up in black (from blazer to trousers) with a pair of sunglasses and chains to accessorize his whole look. He took a deep breath as he spun around.

The day of the competition has finally come. The team spent many weeks practicing the same routine in hopes to secure that trophy. After all the late nights and injuries he had to endure, he could not believe that he was to participate in his final competition.

Since he figured out to walk all on his own, dance came to him naturally like breathing comes instinctively for all. His love for dance has only grown with him throughout the years. For Changmin, there was never a possible reality where he does not fall in love with dance. Yet, with graduation dawning, it seemed like he would have to entertain that idea whether he liked it or not.

With him being deep in thought, he does not hear you enter the room. “Woah!” He snaps out of his trance once you whistle while taking in his appearance. “You look good!”

He cannot hold his smile. “Thanks. I realized this is your first time seeing me in my outfit.” He makes his way back to his bed and takes a seat.

“Yeah! You never sent me the pictures,” you say with a pout. “But I’m kind of glad. I was shocked to see how nice you looked.”

“Are you saying I don’t look good all the time?”

You frown at your best friend. “Of course, you don’t, weirdo.” Changmin could only roll his eyes while you set your small sling bag beside him.

“Thank you for offering to do my makeup,” he says as you start to take out your small cosmetics bag full of essentials for his look.

“Don’t even worry about it. I mean, I have always wanted to do your makeup before.” You adjust the position of his floor lamp to make sure it was facing him. “Sunwoo cannot stay still when I put makeup on him.”

Changmin chuckles as he looks at you retrieve different tubes. “Thankfully, I have some extra concealer that should suit your skin tone,” you mutter as you squeeze out some product onto the back of your hand.

“Anyway, how are you?” You rest your right knee on the bed as your fingers start to do the work. “Are you still nervous?”

He hums for a moment. “I am, but I’m trying to focus on just leaving the competition on a good note.”

You nod as you cover up any dark spots and circles. “That’s good. How’s your thesis going so far?” As soon as you ask that, he groans.

“Don’t even remind me.”

You cannot help but giggle as you blend out the product. “Isn’t your thesis adviser Ms. Lee? I heard she’s good.” You look through your bag and reach out for your eyeshadow palette full of neutral colors and its proper brush.

“She’s great, really. It’s just that I may have underestimated the difficulty of my chosen topic.” He sighs as he watches you open up the palette. “I hope she knocked some sense into me.”

“Or, she just had faith in you,” you point out as you pick up some light brown eyeshadow with your brush. “You’re very smart, you know? I’m pretty sure she just wants you to get some recognition for your thesis.”

He only huffs as you carefully color his eyelids. Once you were done, you set the tools aside and grabbed an eyelash curler for him to use. As you hand the contraption to him, he frowns.

“Do you really trust me with that?”

“Yeah because I don’t know how to use it.”

“I think you’d be more scared if I was the one doing it on you,” you try to reason only for him to hand it back to you.

“Just do it.”

You groan and place the curler right on his eyelashes. “Don’t move, okay? I’m scared to rip your eyelashes out.”

“W-wait!” Changmin pushes your hand away with a frown on his face. “You can’t just say that. Now, I’m scared!”

You sigh as you rest your free hand on your hip and say, “Well, what do you want? I’m letting you do it.” He sighs for a moment before signaling you to continue. “Exactly.” You proceed with what you need to do.

“And… there!” You smile as you set the contraption aside. “That wasn’t too bad. Now, I need to do your mascara.”

You open the tube and take out the wand. “I need to sit down for this, okay?” As soon as you ask, he nods.

“Yeah, that’s no prob–wait!” He cuts himself off as you suddenly lift your other leg to rest on the bed as well.

Now, your knees were practically caging Changmin. As he takes a look down, he could see your legs pressing on the outer side of his thighs. For a moment, he cannot breathe.

This felt different. In this position, he felt his mind buzzing. Sure, he has always found himself linking arms with you or even snuggling up your side. But to see you straddling him only had him at your mercy. 

Once you took a seat on his lap, he could feel himself getting dizzy. To feel your heat on his lap made him feel like he was back in high school—he could hear his heartbeat ring in his ears. There was barely any distance between you two as your face slowly got closer to his. Changmin could only hope you do not notice how red his ears are.

“Hey,” you whisper as you look into his eyes, taking a small peek down at his lips for a brief second. “Just relax, I don’t want to poke your eyes in the process.” He could feel your breath cast over his lips as you set your free hand on his shoulder.

First coat. His eyes were focused on your lips.

Second coat. You lick your lips as you focus on trying to not ruin your work.

Third coat. Changmin tries to swallow his anxiety down

Fourth coat. You let your eyes trail back down to his lips.

Fifth coat. He finds himself moving his face closer to yours, his eyes flickering down to your lips.

And something possesses him—his hands find themselves on your hips to hold you steady in place. Your breath hitches at the action, and you finally notice how close his face is to yours.

“Changmin,” you whisper his name so sweet. For him, it felt like he has never heard you say his name so gently.

“Say no and I won’t,” he finds himself saying as he lets himself finally look up into your eyes.

And before he could get a reply, he found his eyes opening to the white ceiling. Covered in sweat, he feels himself breathe heavily at his dream. There was no other way to say this—he was utterly fucked.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this!

[likeadevils]

I've been toying with the idea of the "Superman > Foolish One > I Can See You > Ours > Dear John > The Story Of Us" sequence of events and I need to know if I'm completely deluded.

While I'm pretty deadset on this timeline, the one iffy part is Foolish One. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Anon, Foolish One is a breakup song. How could she have written it before they got together," and to that I say I KNOW, BUT, there are SO many lyrical parallels between Foolish One and all the *confirmed John songs that I find it very difficult to believe.

In terms of the timeline, something that I recently learned after listening to Jessica Simpson's book, is that after they had been off for over a year, John had begun pursuing her in mid 2009, whilst she was dating Tony Romo (it's slightly ironic that this whole sequence is preceded by Jessica making mention of the fact that Rascal Flatts asked her to be their replacement opener after Taylor finished touring with them).

She then implies that the two slept together throughout the latter half and the year, and that she confronted him about "sleeping with another/other girls" after reading a quote from him where he said he "only wanted to f*ck girls he'd already f*cked because he didn't want to explain to them that he was interested in them."

(She also makes mention of the fact that he told her she and inspired basically the entirety of Battle Studies including Half Of My Heart. There is a lot of parallel here but that's a topic for another time.)

With that whole messy timeline, I am toying with the idea of this:

Superman:

the early stages of their working relationship.

She pines, hopeful that one day they will be together despite her current entanglement, and his potential entanglements.

Foolish One:

being hit with the sudden realisation that they will Not be together Someday.

Said realisation may or may not be be spurred on by a certain former flame, or a certain comment about whether she actually writes her music, something that is obviously deeply personal to her.

I Can See You:

A mark of a shift in their dynamic

Her waiting is finally paying off, and she is eager to explore it

It is seemingly pre "confession" of interest, but post denial of it.

Ours:

There are now "together" and subscribing to an Us and against the world mentality.

Takes place in the very brief "Happy" stage of the relationship, however despite this there is still a level of distance, something followed up on in the music video

Dear John:

The realisation that she REALLY should've known better.

The immediate fallout from the relationship

"F*ck you, we're done. You're broke, I'm up."

The Story Of Us:

"Hey, what if we just like... talked it out?"

The internal debate of whether or not to offer out an olive branch to someone who caused you great pain, but you still hold a torch for (she described the song as being about "pining" over someone in her journal)

The realisation that she got nothing out of the relationship, despite her high expectations.

This is VERY long, and I am SORRY, but if you took the time to read this, thank you, and if you take the time to respond to my midnight ramblings, THANK YOU🙏

oh no i see foolish one as very much a situationship song like it can absolutely fit “i have a crush and you keep PLAYING WITH IT AND THEN DIPPING”

and i think that does fit his and taylor’s relationship in 2009! like, they were flirting over twitter like, all year. may-december there was lots of flirty tweets. though, i don’t know if it’s about john specifically, or just the general idea of a man? like, that feb 2009 lover diary where she randomly brings up “i feel like i’m the one before the one” is before she really got involved with john and feels very foolish one to me

ALSO ALSO ABOUT OURS

i’m pretty sure it was written before they were Together Together? like? idk she said it was written the week before her 19th birthday and she didn’t break up with taylor lautner until at least the december 14? not that— like, i don’t think her and taylor lautner were ever seriously dating to the point of exclusivity, i think it was just a ‘while we’re both in the same city’ thing, BUT at the very least that implies ours was written before she was exclusive with john? idk fall 2009 is so. so teenage mess

i also think all of the 2010 songs are about her kinda. coming to terms with that. like mine -> innocent -> back to december -> mean -> long live is so. it drives me insane. chosing kindness, trying to apologize to those you hurt, rebuilding self worth— it’s such a fascinating little mini arc, that healing from that heartbreak (amongst other things) set her on

[roseianxiety]

Always You

Summary: As a young boy, Virgil often swooped in to save his geeky and timid childhood best friend, Roman, from his bullies. After years have passed without seeing each other, his friend has come home from abroad and now a completely different person than before, and ready to sweep Virgil off his feet. Virgil, of course, falls head over heels for the other.

AO3 - Part 6, Part 7

Content Warning: Food, Swearing

Author’s Note: This particular chapter was fun to write and I hope y'all would enjoy this!

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Chapter 7

The following day, Virgil woke up to a text from Roman. It was a simple message asking how he slept, but it made Virgil's heart skip a beat. He replied with a quick "Good, thanks for asking" and tried to push the thoughts of yesterday's encounter to the back of his mind. He didn't want to think about it too much, but it was hard not to.

Virgil spent the rest of his day working at the coffee shop. Making coffee, tending to the customers, cleaning the tables, etc. But his mind kept wandering back to Roman and the strange feelings he had been experiencing which was starting to get on his nerves now.

He let out a loud frustrated sigh as he slumped against the counter, banging his head slightly against the hard surface in front of him. The sound echoed throughout the room and startled some of the other customers. But he didn't care because he wasn't paying any attention and he was just trying to figure out why he felt the way he did about Roman. It made no sense.

"What's got you so worked up, babes?" Remy asks teasingly as he approaches Virgil. Virgil rolls his eyes playfully before straightening his posture and turning to face Remy."It's nothing, just my stupid brain overthinking things," Virgil replies with a small pout.

Remy raises an eyebrow, unconvinced. "Uh-huh, sure it's nothing. I say that's total BS, sweetheart. Now spill 'em, what's been bothering you?" Remy says, his tone becoming more serious. Virgil hesitates for a moment, debating whether or not to confide in Remy about his confusing feelings toward Roman. But ultimately, he decides to trust his friend and opens up to him.

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain...I don't know what it is, but ever since yesterday, I've been having these weird, confusing feelings and I can't get it off of my mind," Virgil admits, his voice low and uncertain.

Remy listens patiently, his expression softening as Virgil speaks. "Hmm, sounds like you might have a crush, babe," Remy teases slightly, placing a comforting hand on Virgil's shoulder.

"A crush?? No that can't be! And on who would I even have a crush on?" Virgil says rather defensively while moving his hands around wildly. He was definitely not having a crush on anyone.

"I don't know, hun. Who do YOU have a crush on?" Remy chuckles in amusement, enjoying Virgil's obliviousness to his feelings.

Virgil furrows his brows in confusion, "I don't know, I don't have a crush on anyone! It's just a weird feeling that I can't explain." He insists.

Remy shakes his head, still grinning. "Well, I think you should maybe try to figure out what that feeling is about. You never know, it might lead to something good," he suggests before walking away, leaving Virgil to ponder his words.

Virgil was left alone with his thoughts once again, and as he went about his work, he couldn't help but think about what Remy said. Was it possible that he had feelings for Roman? He couldn't imagine that being the case, but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. He had always felt a special connection with Roman, and he enjoyed spending time with him more than anyone else.

No that can't be. He can't have a crush on Roman. He's his friend. Virgil tried to push the thoughts out of his mind and focus on his work, but they kept creeping back in. No no no, no more thinking about this. Just go on with work and everything will be normal. He quickly look from the counter when he heard the door chimes ringing, indicating someone had entered the coffee shop. And boy, him looking up was a bad BAD idea.

Roman had entered the shop and Virgil's heart skipped a beat or two. He could feel his face turning red as Roman approached him with that goddamn 'brighter-than-the-sun' smile. "Hey, Virgil! How's your day been so far?" Roman asked cheerfully.

Virgil tried to compose himself and replied, "Uh, it's been good. How about yours? Are you– Are you feeling alright now?" He could feel his palms getting sweaty and his heart racing as he spoke.

"It's been pretty busy, but I'm happy to see you here, and I'm not sick anymore. Thanks for your assistance yesterday." Roman said with a smile before shooting a playful wink at Virgil. Virgil's heart started palpitating inside his chest like it was going to jump out of his ribcage. What the heck is happening to me?! He thought.

Roman ordered his usual drink and sat down at a table near the counter while he worked on something on his laptop. Virgil couldn't help but steal glances at him as he worked, taking note of Roman's cute features like how his lips looked pressed together in concentration, how his nose crinkled ever so slightly as he concentrated, or how his hair was always messy due to the number of times he messed it up with his fingers while doing his work–

OH MY FUCKING GOSH– VIRGIL WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!??!!

Virgil shook his head to clear his thoughts and focused on his work, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach every time Roman looked up and smiled at him. As moments passed, Virgil found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on his work. Every time he heard Roman laugh or saw him typing away on his laptop, Virgil's heart would skip a beat. It was like he was under a spell, and he couldn't break free. He tried to distract himself by cleaning the counter or restocking the shelves, but his mind kept wandering back to Roman. He was in a trance and didn't even notice when Roman finished his work and walked up to the counter to order another drink.

"Hey, Virge, can I get a refill?" Roman asked, snapping Virgil back to reality.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Sorry, I was lost in thought," Virgil replied, feeling embarrassed.

Roman smiled at him and said, "No worries, happens to the best of us.". Virgil quickly refilled Roman's drink and handed it to him with a smile. "So, what brings you here today?" Virgil asked, trying to sound casual.

"Just working on some stuff, you know how it is," Roman replied, taking a sip of his drink. Virgil hums in response as he keeps on wiping the counter despite it being already clean, he was trying to distract himself.

"Are you free tonight?"

Roman asks, changing the subject. Virgil snaps his gaze up to meet Roman's eyes and feels as though his heart has jumped into his throat. Oh no. This isn't good. "Sorry, what?" Virgil responds, feeling his cheeks flush a little. His heart was pounding so loudly that he wondered if Roman could hear it.

"I was thinking that we should go out on a friendly dinner date tonight. If you're free." Roman says rather sheepishly while he took another sip of his drink. "Not forcing you though, just thought I'd ask," He adds.

Virgil's mind went blank for a second, and he could feel his heart racing faster than ever. Did he just say a date? Did Roman just ask him out on a date? I mean, he did say it was a friendly date. So…it's not really a date, right? I mean…it's probably just a friendly night out. Yeah…yeah, that's totally reasonable!

Virgil cleared his throat and tried to compose himself before replying, "Yeah, that sounds great, I'm free tonight." He tried to sound as calm as possible, but his voice cracked a little, betraying his nerves.

"Awesome! Is it alright if I just wait till your shift is over?"

"Sure, that works for me," Virgil replied, trying to hide his excitement. "I'll be done in about an hour or so.". "Perfect. I'll just finish up some work here and wait for you then," Roman said with a smile before taking his laptop and returning to his table.

Virgil then waddled his way to the back room, trying to calm his nerves and process what just happened. He couldn't believe that Roman had just asked him out on a date, even if it was just a friendly one. He slid down the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees, burying his face in them. The butterflies were back in full force. This was bad. This was sooooo bad.

They'd hung out plenty of times but this was the first time he felt like this. Sure, he liked being around him, and seeing him laugh was amazing (he would deny it until the day he died), but this was different somehow. All of this was so confusing!! It was making his head hurt and shit.

"Bitch, are you okay??"

Virgil snapped back into reality and looked up, seeing Remy gazing down at him with a weirded-out and concerned look.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Virgil replied, trying to shake off his daze. "Why are you on the floor?" Remy asked, still looking at him with concern. Virgil quickly got up and dusted himself off. "Just needed a break," he said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Uh huh... sure... I'll handle the register then while you take a break," Remy replied skeptically before heading toward the register. Virgil watched him leave. He was quite thankful that he didn't question him any further or else he wouldn't know what to do.

Virgil took a deep breath and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He couldn't let himself get too excited about tonight. It was just a friendly dinner date, after all. But still, he couldn't shake the butterflies in his stomach.

He spent the next hour or so finishing up his shift, trying to focus on work instead of his racing thoughts. As soon as his shift ended, Virgil quickly changed out of his work uniform and freshened up in the employee restroom. He checked his appearance in the mirror and ran his hands through his hair. He was nervous but excited at the same time.

He stepped out of the coffee shop and scanned the area, looking for Roman. Virgil spotted Roman waiting outside the coffee shop, looking up from his phone as he saw Virgil approach. Roman's face lit up with a smile, and Virgil couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey, ready to go?" Roman asked, closing his phone and slipping it into his pocket. "Yeah. So…um, where do you want to eat?" Virgil nodded and asked nervously.

"Well, I saw this neat Vietnamese restaurant on my way to uni so I thought we could go there!" Roman exclaimed with a big grin, his brown hair falling over his eyes. Virgil chuckled lightly. "Sounds great," he replied.

They walked side by side towards the restaurant, chatting softly with each other. They soon arrived, and Roman held the door open for Virgil, gesturing him into the restaurant. They looked for a place to sit and chose a small booth in the corner. A waiter went up to them and gave them a menu.

"I'm not quite familiar with most of these dishes..." Virgil says sheepishly as he continued to browse through the menu, searching for any kind of dish that looks interesting. He then looks up at Roman, "What would you recommend?".

"Well, you can try Bánh cuốn which is a steamed rice cake-like dish, it's delicious, definitely one of my faves. Or you can try Phở which is one of Vietnam's many noodle soups, it's really good too, a must try." Roman explained.

"Oh, I've never heard of either of those but it sounds nice. I think I'm in soup mode so Phở it is." Virgil replies, placing the menu down on the table. Roman smiles at him before calling the waiter over and placing their orders.

Virgil chose Phở and Roman chose Ca Kho To (which is a caramelized fish in a clay pot). As they waited for their food to arrive, they continued to chat about how their day went on and whatnot.

When their food arrived, Virgil was pleasantly surprised by how delicious it looked and smelled. He tentatively tried a spoonful of his Phở, and his eyes widened with delight. "Wow, this is amazing!" he exclaimed, taking another spoonful. Roman chuckled at Virgil's reaction and took a bite of his own dish, nodding in agreement.

When they finished eating their dinner, Roman pulled out his pocket and insisted on paying for their meal. Virgil tried to protest but Roman said the latter didn't need to do so. Knowing how persistent Roman is, Virgil finally gave in and lets him do so before thanking him.

As they walked out of the restaurant, Virgil stuffed his hand in the pockets of his hoodie while he walked side by side with Roman, his attention far ahead of the sidewalk and seemingly lost in his thoughts.

"La notte è incantevole (The night is lovely)."

Virgil was startled by Roman suddenly speaking in Italian. It's been quite a while since he heard him say anything in Italian, but he always found it quite charming hearing him speak in that way.

"What does that mean?" Virgil queries out of curiosity as they continued to walk. Roman glanced at him and smiles, answering his question. "It means that the night is lovely. Ain't it, no?". "Yeah, it is," Virgil replied with a small smile, looking up at the starry night sky. They continued to walk in silence for a while, their footsteps the only sound echoing through the empty streets.

"Earlier, I walked passed that old preschool we used to go to, it looks so different now. It made me remember the first time we interacted when we were kids." Roman chuckles, bringing Virgil's attention back to him as he continues. "I still remember it so vividly like it was yesterday". Virgil looked up at him curiously. "Really? That was like, so long ago," Virgil replied.

Roman smiles at him softly, "How can I ever forget that memory? You were in it.".

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Writing Taglist: @cutebisexualmess @extraintrovertedalien (please tell me if you want to be added or removed in the tag list)

[bokettochild]

So, there is a recurring chain of events that happens throughout what we call the 4 Gospels (the four books detailing Jesus's life on earth) where the pharisees and scribes of the Jewish temple would repeatedly come to Jesus and present Him with problems, be they hypothetical or not, and try to make Him determine what was right in that situation, in order to trick Him into saying or doing something wrong, against the Law of Moses, or against Caesar's laws.

This video references the story in the Gospel of John where they bring to Jesus a woman who had been caught in adultery.

"They said unto him, Master*, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned; but what sayest thou?" John 8: 4-5

*master was a common term of respect towards teachers or rabbis in the day

So, the pharisees have brought Jesus this woman who has broken the law, and according to the old laws, she should be stoned. They know that Jesus was a man commonly seen with the unsavory crowds (the harlots, the hated government officials, the poor, the dirty, the sick (cursed), the sinners, basically anyone rejected and hated upon by society for their way/state of life) and knew He had/has a soft spot for such people. Their intent was either to have Him speak out against the law (which was against the law itself) or condemn the women and thus lose the favor of the people who loved and followed Him.

Now, this is where we get to one of the mysteries that Christians (and others) often debate, because what precisely happened is a bit unclear. Jesus is said to have stooped down to write something in the dirt, but what He wrote is unknown, although many think whatever it was might have had some effect on what happened after. We do know, however, that the Bible says that He did this "as though he heard them not".

So the pharisees repeat their question: what should they do with the adulterous woman?

Jesus's answer is shown in the video: "He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her." -John 8:7

Whether what he wrote in the dirt added to that or was just....random words, no one knows, but he goes back to writing it, whatever it was.

"And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, "Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?" She said "No man, Lord" and Jesus said unto her, "Neither do I condemn thee; go and sin no more." - John 8:9-11

So after all the men who had wanted to stone her had gone away, Jesus just looks around as though saying "I don't see a trial happening, do you?" and when she says no, He, who is the only man without sin and the very Son of God, says "I will not judge you either, or try and kill you, so go and sin no more".

It's a very powerful story about God's mercy to sinners, but also a lesson to us to not condemn another for their way of life or wrong-doings. God knows none of us is living without sin either! It does remind us though that God is sinless and does have the right to judge, so we should try and be better ourselves and seek his mercy while it is offered.

(This is a different matter entirely from the passage "judge not, lest ye be judged also" which gets so misinterpreted these days that it's literally in all of my pastor's sermons because he's tired of hearing it used the wrong way, but I digress!)

......

-phew!

The short is mostly just playing around with the idea of "what if there was someone who was without sin, what would Jesus have done?" because hypotheticals are fun I guess? But I promise some dude in a kilt didn't come rocking up with a boulder in his hands to crush the adultress only to get bodied by a folding chair from Jesus. This is all satire!

[callophelia-ailingamnemonic]

20 - JUDGEMENT (Elpis & Pandora) "In a general context, the Judgement Tarot card can indicate that you and/or someone you care about are being judged too harshly by others. It can also indicate that you are judging people harshly or making snap judgements yourself. Alternatively, Judgement can also be an indication that you have achieved a level of clarity and composure that allows you to calmly evaluate yourself and your choices in order to make positive decisions. You have come through your past karmic lessons with increased self-awareness and you are allowing healing to take place so you can move forward in a positive direction. If you have a big decision to make when this Major Arcana card appears, use the karmic lessons you have learnt from the past to help you make the right choice.  Judgement upright can represent a legal matter or court case being resolved. If you have acted honourably and told the truth, this matter should be resolved in your favour. If you have been dishonest, don’t expect things to go your way. You need to clear your conscience and try to make amends for your misdeeds. This Major Arcana card can also signify being separated from someone you love by an ocean or sea. You can expect to be reunited with them soon when it appears. It can also indicate homesickness." "In a general context, the Judgement Tarot card reversed can signify that you are allowing fear and self-doubt to hold you back from making the decisions necessary to move forward in a positive direction. Now is the time to take action. If you delay you may lose the opportunities available to you. Alternately, this Major Arcana card in a reversed position can be a sign that you may be refusing to learn the karmic lessons of the past. Or you may be reproaching yourself for past mistakes so much that you are unable to see the lessons to be learned from those mistakes. Judgement reversed can also be a sign that you are taking your focus off your own shortcomings by being overly critical of others or engaging in malicious gossip. This will only lead you to trouble, try to put the focus back on fixing the issues in your own life rather than judging other people for their mistakes. It can also indicate that others are being overly judgemental or critical of you or blaming you for something that wasn’t your fault. Don’t let those people influence your decisions, rise above the drama and focus on doing what you want to do. Judgement reversed can also indicate that a legal matter or court case will be resolved but in an unjust or unfair manner." - TheTarotGuide.com

—————————————————————————————————

This was the sixth card in my tarot card project lineup, and just by looking at it, you can tell I was being crushed under the stress of the deadline which is a shame because I really did like the idea of it x-x

Elpis and Pandora are two ocs I made for an original Persona story idea I had, and in short, their deal is that they were created by the goddess of divine order to debate over whether humanity deserves redemption, or damnation. Shenanigans ensue and Pandora ends up winning the debate and is awarded the persona Nike, and thus proceeds to herald the events that kickstart the problems plaguing the story.

As for Elpis, being the loser of the debate, the god of divine order makes the move to destroy them, however, they are rescued at the last second by the Velvet Room and becomes the Attendant to the Wildcard who will be embarking on the journey to tackle Pandora's shenanigans. Throughout their journey, Elpis will be learning about humans and what makes them so nuanced so that when the day comes for them to face Pandora again, they will be ready.

[jwirecs]

Recommended NCT Fics of June 2022💖

hello, hello! here are my nct recs of june! hopefully these beautiful stories will have more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Bet! || @doycngs​ 🔞💕💔✅💯

↳ it was bound to bite both your asses eventually. just plain ‘ol comedic luck that you and your best friend’s shared tradition of petty bets get you two to finally cough up years of repressed feelings for one another.

Hesitate || @sehunniepotwrites​💕💔✅💯

↳ The many times Jeong Jaehyun hesitated in life and the two times he didn’t. — or alternatively, in which Jaehyun realized that throughout the years as a pairs skater, the only constant he had in his crazy athletic life was you. He would never hesitate to say that the person who kept him going for so long was and always will be you. Jaehyun would never hesitate in admitting his love for you and as you complete your last short program together before retiring, he was determined to do it every day of his life.

Highway To Heaven || @yuta-nakamots​💕💔✅💯💯💯

↳ Doyoung was one of the biggest names in street racing though part of him knew he couldn’t compete forever. But just like a checkered flag, the day he finished his racing career came sooner than he expected. (fcking love street racer type of aus. probably cause i grew up watching fast & furious with my dad..)

Oh Dude, You’re Flirting || @doies​💕✅

↳ “So did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?”

Plus One || @loeycity​💕✅💯💯

↳ Johnny Suh is your coworker, your break room buddy, your fellow coffee enthusiast, everything but your boyfriend, and it doesn’t help that the entire office seems to know about your little crush on your hot friend. When a certificate for an all-inclusive dinner lands on your desk and he offers to be your plus one, you’re left wondering whether this is the universe granting you the chance to finally make your move.

Renegade or Whatever || @luvdsc​💕✅

↳ dancing is not on your top list of interests, but park jisung definitely is.

Valentine Motel || @fullsunfluff​💕✅

↳ the night shift at the valentine motel usually meant convenience store food, a cute coworker, or emboldened feelings—so what happens when you score all three?

Five Plus One || @ppangjae​💕💔✅💯💯💯

↳ Five times world-renowned chef Jeong Jaehyun tried to end your journey to be a chef  because you weren’t ‘qualified enough to be a chef’ and that one time you proved him wrong. (did i almost shed tears while reading this at work?? yes, yes i almost did)

The Abduction of Persephone || @nctream​💕💔✅

↳ your sister is about to marry the man of her life, the wedding is in three days and you don’t have a date. Nothing weird, but I forgot to mention that you had told your parents that you were bringing your boyfriend. A boyfriend that you don’t have anymore, because he had suddenly decided you were “too much” for him and didn’t want to make you waste anymore time - one month before the wedding. You should have been the happiest person on Earth, your sister was about to get married and, since you didn’t want to bring any attention upon your lonely entrance, you had opted for something crazy. Crazy, like hiring Lee Donghyuck to be your fake-boyfriend.

Covered || @velvescence​💕💔✅

↳ You are driving downtown for your inconstant monthly visit to your boyfriend.

Jealousy (Not) || @neoyuno​💕💔✅

↳ A particular debate over perilla leaves sparks up a plan to make your (totally not jealous) boyfriend jealous. So, he must show you not to mess with him. ; or, Jaehyun swears he is not jealous but turns out he is very jealous and you are very freaky.

Venomous || @lisired​💕💔✅💯💯

↳ Born into the underworld, crime was all you’d known your entire life and was practically in your blood - murder, drugs, money, power, and everything in between. In spite of your father leading one of the two major gangs that dominated Asia, you managed to keep safe. But all that changes once the rival gang has bad blood to settle with your father, and suddenly a vendetta’s being pursued against you.

Daddy On Duty || @aehyei​💕💔✅💯

↳ After a long day of stressful practice, Chenle finds himself in deep sleep on his bed and wakes up when a strange child that came from nowhere jumped on him—scaring him in the progress. To add to everything, the young idol learns that he just traveled to the future and is able to meet his future daughter. But will Chenle be able to be that great husband and father when he doesn’t even have a single clue on what’s going on?

Playground Escapes || @aehyei​💕💔✅

↳ Jisung takes his daughter, Jisu, on a quick escape to make up for the time he didn’t get to be there for and to show her she’s not the burden she thought she was.

Doublure D’Argent || @jaetaimjadore​💕💔✅💯💯💯💯

↳  You’re the renowned founder and fashion designer of Argent, the luxury fashio label known for its one too many silver linings across the world’s hottest runways. With New York Fashion Week around the corner and your latest collections fresh on the racks, you’re certain to have buyers grovelling at your star-studded heels. But when fake news spreads like a wildfire and your top model pulls out at the last minute, you’re left with no choice but to hire a wide-eyes stranger with an unusual penchant for toast. (YOUR GIRL CRIED IN BED. also not me reading all of the fics in bed tho)

Honor To Us All || @yuta-nakamots​💕💔✅💯💯

↳ When your older brother Lucas becomes unable to compete in a large race, you seize the opportunity to take his place. You were already an established racer in your own team so it couldn’t be that much more difficult. But Lucas’s team is all-male and you knew for a fact that they did not want female members.

Do check out all of the other NCT Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[hallecarey1]

Truth or Dare↠ Part 1: The Fight

↠ summary: Sebastian tells you about his upcoming project, but he didn't expect it to spark a fight that ends with him asking you a question that brings you to tears.

↠ pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

↠ word count: 4k

↠ warnings: Angst and smut (18+)

↠ a/n: I apologize if the smut is cringey; it's my first time writing it, and I apologize for taking so long to write the first part. I promise that the next installment will not take as long as the previous one.

Sebastian has been pacing in front of the living room's large windows, his anxiety and tension rising since you texted him that you'd be home soon. He decided today was the day to tell you about his new project, on which he had been working tirelessly for months to ensure that everything was in order before filming began.

He debated whether or not to tell you about the new project from the start. Over the months, the debate had heightened his anxiety; he knew you weren't judgemental, but you were the one who would stand up for anyone who was treated unfairly.

This is why he believes you'll be furious when you find out because this incident portrayed two people in the worst light possible and exposed them to such slander. But he knew he couldn't keep it a secret for much longer, and this was the perfect opportunity to tell you.

For him, the months you were unaware of the new project were agonizing. It's the first time he's withheld information for you, and he's upset because you always tell each other everything, which is why your relationship has remained so healthy and happy over the years.

Throughout your relationship, you taught each other that communicating is crucial in different ways: you taught him that sharing his feelings helps him release the weight of holding them inside, and he taught you that sharing your concerns, fears, and emotions with him won't change the way he feels about you.

In this situation, it's critical for him to ensure that you don't become blinded by rage and say something you'll later regret and that both of you communicate so that your relationship doesn't suffer as a result. When he heard your keys unlock the door, his pacing came to a halt. As you closed the door, you noticed Seb standing in the living room, his back to you, facing the large windows.

You examine his figure and posture while he has his back to you. As you approach him, you notice his back muscles are tense and his body stiff. "Seb?" You found yourself staring into those ocean eyes as he turned around at the sound of your voice, and you noticed hesitation and nervousness in his gaze, which worried you.

Your brow furrows as he bites his lower lip and stuffs his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. His silence heightens your concern; "You're starting to worry me," you say, your voice concerned. Sebastian moves closer to you, and you can't help but wonder what was bothering him so much that he kept his distance from you.

Sebastian cleared his throat before beginning to speak. "I started working on a new project a few months ago, and I've recently been preparing everything so that everything is in order when filming begins." "Now that I've completed all of my preparations, it's time for me to leave to film for it." Your smile grew as you realized how happy you were for him and how hard he'd been working; you know how much he enjoys his job, and it makes you so happy to see him happy and achieve such amazing things.

"That's incredible, Sebastian!" You drew him into a bone-crushing hug, and he hesitated to tell you because you looked so happy and proud of him. You were perplexed as to why he hadn't yet returned your hug until you felt his arms slowly wrap around your waist. He clutched you to his chest as his fear of telling you grew; he didn't know if you'd ever hug him again.

"When are you leaving?" You leaned back to look into his eyes as your fingers ran through his hair and his arms tightened around you in response to your question.

"Tomorrow," he admitted guiltily, reaching for your waist and rubbing the soft skin exposed between your scrub shirt and pants with the pads of his thumbs.

"How come you're telling me this now?" Sebastian heard the sadness in your voice and felt terrible, but your question made him nervously bite his lip and decided it was now or never.

"Because I wasn't sure how you'd react if I told you what I was filming," he explained as his thumbs came to a halt on your waist.

"What are you filming?" you feared his response, as various scenarios raced through your mind. Is he making a film similar to Fifty Shades of Grey? Something contentious? An actress who made you feel insecure?

"The show will be called Pam and Tommy and will air on Hulu." Hearing him say those names caused you to stop moving your fingers through his hair, and his anxiety increased as a result of your delayed response.

"What exactly is it about?" You licked your lips, knowing exactly what he was going to say. The worry lines on your brow told him you were thinking hard.

"How they met and the sex tape." He felt his heart stop as you slipped your arms off his shoulders and watched you take a step away from him.

His palms began to sweat and his heart began to race as you remained completely silent and still, staring at him with a blank expression. 'Y-y/n,' he stuttered as he reached for your hand, which you jerked away and took another step back.

"Why?" you shook your head, perplexed as to why he would create a show based on the worst thing that could happen to a person. Sebastian was hurt as he looked at you and realized you wouldn't let him near you.

He could see you were thinking of something as he observed your expression, but he decided he didn't want you thinking of him in that way, "I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong-" His voice trembled, but he couldn't finish his thought because you cut him off with a scoff.

"Don't tell me what I'm thinking!" "You have no idea what's going through my mind!" you exclaim, your fingers running through your hair.

"Of course I do!" "You think I'm a terrible person!" With a glare on his face, he pointed at you.

"How could you possibly think of filming something like this!" You were furious; you couldn't believe Sebastian would want to film something like this.

"That is not the case!" The vein in his neck was visible from the strain of yelling at you, and he walked closer, seething but also hurt that you thought so little of him.

"Then please explain it to me! You're filming a show about the worst thing that happened to them, in which they were exposed without their knowledge!" You approached him toe to toe and chest to chest. You were both blinded by rage, which was not a good thing.

"That's precisely the point!" "I'm not doing this for the money; I'm doing it so that the truth about their story can be told!" He yelled even louder, causing you to recoil. You backed up against the wall as he approached, his hands splayed against the wall on each side of your head.

"So, you don't mind if someone stole and released our sex tape and made a show out of it?" You push him back with your hands on his chest. As you expressed your dissatisfaction with the conversation, your eyes welled up with tears, and you knew it was a cheap shot.

"I never said that once." Sebastian shook his head in disbelief as he chuckled angrily. "How come you don't understand why I'm doing this?" He exhales while tilting his head back, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.

"Would you like to know why I'm upset that you're filming this show?" You inquired, his rage fading as he noticed the tears welling up in your eyes.

"Because I know what it's like to have a private part of my body exposed to the world after someone hacked your phone and leaked my nude!" You yelled, your voice cracking, tears streaming down your cheeks because you couldn't hold them back any longer.

Regret washed over him immediately; how could he have forgotten? It was and still is the worst thing that could have happened in your relationship with Sebastian. He quickly approached you, cupping your face in his hands and wiping away your tears with his thumbs. "I’m sorry. I'm truly sorry, baby." He apologized while kissing your forehead and pressing your head against his chest.

"No, I'm sorry," you sniffed, your gaze shifting from his chest to his lovely eyes. "I didn't even give you the opportunity to explain; I just started making assumptions." Instead of pushing him away, you rub his back with your left hand to calm him down, while your right hand is placed over his heart to calm you down with the sensation of his heartbeat.

"After I discovered the true story of the tape's theft and how it victimized both of them, it pissed me off, especially when I saw late-night shows using it as a punchline to a joke and everyone laughing about it," He admits as he wipes your tears away.

"However, I wanted everyone to understand how the media, the justice system, and the general public all let her down." Sebastian's admission causes a small smile to form on your lips. Sebastian is a person with a truly beautiful soul, and you're left wondering who in the world blessed you with him in your life.

"You never cease to amaze me," you said, shaking your head, and some might say you looked at him as if he'd hung the moon and stars in the sky.

Sebastian notices many emotions flickering in your eyes as he looks into them; sadness, love, and confusion, "What are you thinking?" He inquired, his hands moving down to grip your hips.

"I'm just wondering how I ended up with you because I don't deserve you." You admit, stroking his cheek with your thumb as a tear falls down your cheek.

"Your soul is beautiful. It is gentle, loving, and golden. Sebastian, I am so proud of you." You exhale while staring into his cobalt eyes, which you genuinely love.

"Did I ever tell you what Chris and I talked about after we met?" He inquires with a raised eyebrow and his adorable thinking face, and you shake your head.

"I told him, 'Dude, this girl is one of a kind,' and Chris answered, 'Sebastian, you just met her,'" Sebastian said with a small chuckle. "I also told him it didn't matter if I had just met you because the very first moment I looked into your eyes it was like gazing at the stars for the first time." As his lips tug a slight smile, tears well up in your eyes.

"I could see the goodness in your heart, but also the grief, and I knew I had to see you again solely by gazing into your eyes and speaking a few sentences with you." His words have brought a few tears to your eyes, which he wipes away with his thumb, a slight smile on his face.

"During our first date, I realized you were the most kind-hearted and loving person I'd ever met. And your aura is something special; it has a radiance about it that draws people in, and it's as if it sends out waves of warmth and comfort to those who need it. So, if you think my soul is one-of-a-kind, you've never seen yours, because it shines brighter than any star in the sky." Sebastian speaks with a smile on his face, and the love in his eyes, as well as his words, cause your bottom lip to quiver.

"You've been through a lot of darkness and pain in your life, but instead of consuming it, you pushed it aside. The fact that you had every right to be furious and hateful against the world after going through what you did, but instead chose to be cheerful, loving, kind, and selfless demonstrates that your soul is genuinely remarkable.” As you sob, he presses his forehead on yours and pulls you closer.

“When I asked what you wanted to do with your life, you said you wanted to help others. You wanted to help kids and people like you who have been through hell and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, and let them know that no matter how bad things get for them, if they fight the darkness first, they can find that light.” Sebastian exhaled as he rubbed your cheekbones with his thumbs.

"Gosh, after you said that, I knew right then and there that I wanted you in my life for the rest of my life. I had never met such a lovely soul before meeting you. Y/n, you've ch-changed my life." He said, his voice cracking as he finished his sentence, and you reached up on your tippy-toes and touched your lips to his.

A smile spread across his face as you both drew away. "To be honest, I was excited to tell you about this show because I thought you'd be happy that I wanted to show that their situation isn't something to make fun of. But the truth is, I don't deserve you."

His tears and confession make you cry even harder. "I'm so sorry," you bury your face in his chest. He hushes you, whispering loving words like "it's ok" into your ear.

"Y/n, I know you didn't mean what you said. You simply didn't want anyone making money or making jokes about someone else's pain. That's yet another thing I love about you." He entices you with a kiss that takes your breath away.

As he pulls away from the kiss, his breathing becomes heavy. "Marry me," he says breathlessly, and you shake your head, wondering if you heard correctly. He let out a small laugh as he took your hands in his big ones, and your heartbeat quickens as he gets down on one knee. "I had intended to do things differently, but Chris's brother told me that when the time is right, I'll know, and the time is right." He says softly, gently squeezing your hands.

"After our first date, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you." We've been together since I finished filming Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and I've fallen even more in love with you since then. You've changed my life; even if you're just holding me in your arms, you make my bad days better. I want to have children with you, to witness the first time you hold them in your arms and to read them a bedtime story the first time they sleep in their bedroom." You sniffed, wiping a tear from his cheek, and he turned his face towards your palm, kissing it softly as he grabbed your hand again.

"Y/f/n y/l/n, I promise to love you every moment of every day for the rest of my life; would you do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?" As his voice cracks, you drop his hands and kneel, placing your hands on his face to connect your gaze with his.

“Yes. Yes.” You nod quickly, releasing happy sobs. He grabs your face and pulls you into a searing kiss filled with love and happiness, then pulls away with a chuckled sob. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a black velvet box, grabbing your left hand. "This belonged to my grandmother." His voice is hoarse as he speaks, sliding the ring onto your left ring finger, and you pull him into another kiss when he's finished.

He encircles your waist and pulls your body into his embrace. As the kiss becomes heated, Sebastian pulls on the bottom of your top, signaling that he wants it off. You laugh against his lips and push him away gently with your hand on his chest. "Baby, I've been working in the ER all day with patients puking on me, I stink, I need a shower."

"I don't mind. "I need you," he mumbles against your jaw, lowering his head to trail kisses along your jaw; a gasp escapes your mouth as his teeth nip at your neck.

"Babe, I really need to shower," you groan and go to push him away again, but you come to a halt as you shriek in surprise at Sebastian slapping your ass.

"Then I guess we'll do it in the shower because I can't wait another minute," he says as he picks you up and holds your thighs in his hands as he walks to the bathroom in your shared room.

You clutch his hair between your fingers as he kicks the bedroom door shut with his foot, kissing and grazing your teeth on his Adams apple. He groans as he walks through the bathroom door, your teeth nibbling on the soft skin below his ear.

His lips briefly meet yours as he places you on the bathroom sink before trailing them across your jaw to your ear, leaving soft kisses on your jaw. Goosebumps erupted on your skin as Sebastian nipped your earlobe between his teeth.

You both exhale deeply as he pulls his lips away from your skin. Sebastian turned the silver handle to the left, his veiny hand firmly grasping it, to turn on the hot water. The steam fogged the room as the sound of water hitting the tiles filled it.

However, he does not give you any time to remove your clothes before quickly picking you up and slamming your back against the cold tiled wall. Sebastian lowered his head to kiss your lips hard and passionately.

You wrapped your legs tightly around his waist before his grip on your thighs relaxed. His dark locks are wrapped around your fingers as his left-hand cups your cheek and his right-hand moves to the back of your neck, drawing you deeper into the kiss. Sebastian slipped his tongue inside your mouth through the gap as you gasped at the nip on your lip.

He sucked on your bottom lip as he ran his tongue over it before catching it between his teeth and nipping it. He bit into your bottom lip, pulling on your soft lip between his teeth, causing you to hiss as he backed away from the kiss.

He yanked your top and sports bra up your arms and tossed them on the wet shower floor. As your clothes fell to the floor, your hands worked quickly to pull his shirt over his head, your tongue jutting forward to sweep across your bottom lip, your gaze meeting his naked torso as his shirt collided with the pile of clothes on the floor.

As Sebastian unwrapped your legs from around his waist, your feet landed on the tiled floor. You quickly unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down his legs along with his underwear, before Sebastian did the same to you, kicking the wet clothes away.

His hard erection slapping against his stomach had you biting your lip in lust before wrapping his hand in your soaking wet hair and pulling you close into a searing kiss; it was pure need with his mouth heavy and hot on yours, your hands feeling his chest and he let out a groan as you pushed him against the wall.

“Baby.” Sebastian groaned as you yanked on his hair, jerking his head to the side to lick up the side of his neck and nip at his tender skin with your teeth. As you sank to your knees, taking his hard member in your grasp, his mouth fell open as you began to stroke him, your lust-filled eyes met his.

"Fuck y/n." He hisses, his head resting against the shower wall as you lick a stripe from base to tip, gently twisting your hands around him as your tongue swirled around his head.

You ran your tongue over the veins on his cock, his fingers tangled in your hair as he rested his hands on the back of your head. Once he felt you hollow your cheeks around him, he pushed on your head, taking every inch of him until his tip hit the back of your throat.

While your left hand massaged his balls, your right hand gripped his base and tugged on what your mouth couldn't take. Taking him deep into your mouth while rubbing and rolling his balls in your hand, Sebastian let out a string of curses. The vibrations triggered him and increased his sensitivity as he thrust into your mouth, causing you to gag.

"S-Stop, baby. I don't want to cum in your mouth." He stammered gently, running your teeth along his length as you took it out of your mouth. He quickly turned off the shower and pulled you to your feet before picking you up. His hands squeezed your thighs as your legs rested on his hips. The sensation of your bare slick pussy sliding against his dick had you both moaning in pleasure.

Your moans are swallowed by his mouth, carrying you toward the bed, and your back hits the mattress as he places you on it. He hovered over you, his elbows on either side of your head, your fingers gently brushing his hair away from his face, caressing his cheekbones as you traced over them. You cupped his face in your hands and looked into his eyes; looking into his beautiful blue eyes made you fall in love with him all over again.

He slid his left hand between your bodies and gently grabbed his dick, pumping it a few times before aligning it with your entrance. "I love you." Sebastian's right hand slipped into your left, fingers intertwined and clutching together as he pushed into you gently and slowly, his gaze fixed on yours.

"I love you too." You said breathlessly, your brows furrowed from the stinging combined with pleasure sensation as his dick slid into your tight walls. As your tight walls squeezed around him, your mouths parted and you moaned against each other's lips.

Your fingers were entwined in his hair at the nape of his neck, your legs squeezing his waist as your feet rested against his thighs. With your other hand clasping his cheek, you drew him in for a sweet kiss, and he let his body weight fall on his triceps. You could feel his body heat and heartbeat as he put his weight on you, and you could feel the muscles in his pelvis contract with each thrust into you.

His lips moved from your mouth to your neck, sucking and biting as he left bruises. He snaked his hand between your bodies, pushing circles on your aching and swollen clit as you slipped your arms beneath his and gripped his shoulders. With the force of his cock slamming into you, your body shifted up the bed and your chest dragged against his, arching your back and throwing your head back from the pressure of his thumb on your clit. Your fingernails dug into his back as you dragged them down, leaving red scratch marks.

"You fit perfectly around my cock, baby." He sucks one of your nipples between his lips, and you moan as his teeth nip on the sensitive nub. Saliva glistens off your chest from the sloppy kisses he left as his mouth trails up to the side of your neck. Sebastian lets out a low growl of pleasure that vibrates against the smooth skin on your neck as you push his cock deeper into your wet cunt with your feet on his ass.

"Fuck Sebastian, I'm close." You exclaimed, your heavy pants dragging between moans. You can feel your lower belly tightening, the pleasure Sebastian is giving you with his thumb on your clit only hastening your upcoming orgasm.

"I know, dragă. You've got a firm grip on me. It feels so good, baby. He groans into your neck, sucking harshly into the already bruised skin, "going to make me come, too."

He approached your mouth, brushing his tongue against yours as he swallowed your sweet sounds. When he felt your walls contract even more, he whispered, "Go ahead, cum for me baby."

You squeal as you experience your orgasm; the release was intense, causing your thighs to shake. Sebastian shouts your name as he reaches his peak, his hot and heavy release pouring into you and coating your walls. You two ride out your highs together, holding each other tight and savoring the special moment between you. Sebastian pulls away from you, his release oozing from your cunt between your thighs and coating the sheets.

Confusion fills you as you notice Sebastian has left the room, but it is quickly dispelled when he returns, kneeling on the bed and spreading your legs with a wet washcloth in his hand. "It’s all right, baby. Just cleaning you up." As you whine from the wet cloth on your sensitive cunt, Sebastian's hand on your thigh keeps your legs open.

Sebastian tosses the cloth into the hamper before climbing into bed and pulling you close to his chest. You rest your head on his chest, your body engulfed in warmth as Sebastian pulls the comforter over your naked bodies.

"I can't believe we're engaged now," you say, smiling as you stare at the diamond ring on your finger. "It's insane to think you'll be Mrs. Stan in a year," Sebastian chuckles, grabbing your hand and kissing your palm.

"a year?" you exclaim, pushing on his chest and looking at him with a shocked expression. "Yes, a year," he says, running his hand through your hair. "I want to film Pam and Tommy, and I have another film coming up, but after that, I just want to marry the love of my life." Sebastian smiles, and your heartbeat quickens as you hear those words.

Your hands cup his face as you lean down to rest your forehead against his. "What's the matter, baby? Why are you crying?" He is concerned as he sees tears fall down your cheeks, and his hands cup your face to wipe them away with his thumbs. "I just love you so much," you shake your head, kissing his forehead to reassure him that you're fine.

"I love you as well, baby. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I can't wait to marry you." As he closes his eyes, his piercing blue eyes vanish. He tilts his head to the side, rubbing his nose against yours before kissing you passionately.

“Forever,” Sebastian whispers against your lips, 

"Forever," you say, kissing him more passionately. You've never loved anyone as much as you love Sebastian, and you never will. Your love will last until the day you both die, and nothing is stronger than the love you have for each other.

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↠ taglist: @galaxygirl453 @sebastianevanstuff @glxwingrxse @awaywithtime

[mountswhore]

𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫 — mason mount

summary: chelsea’s massage therapist, and mason’s long term crush, had moved to a different club. but after reuniting at nationals, you realise just how much you missed him.

notes: requests are open, just ask! this is so fucking long, please read when you have time.

“I will take care of you.” + “I could never get tired of you.”

for @masterclassbaby

“she’s pretty,” mason hummed, chin in the palm of his hands and eyes gazing at you. chelsea’s newest sports massage therapist. he watched as you conversed with a few of the injured teammates, the boys on either side of him laughing at his blushed cheeks.

“mounty’s in love.” chilly sang, pushing mason gently. the three of them were laying on the turf, waiting for their trainer to arrive and being introduced to the pretty lady who would be massaging their injured limbs from now on. “go on, make a move before kai does. you know he will.”

“i’m not making any moves,” mason huffed and pushed himself to his feet, ben following suit and pulling a ball towards him with his foot, “can i appreciate her beauty without wanting to make a move?” ben rolled his eyes at his friend, eyes now focused on the ball for the first time in twenty minutes.

“so you’re just going to stare at her, like a creep.” ben stated, stopping the ball with the side of his foot and kicked it back to mason. “noted.” mason was barely focused, looking over to you every time you laughed or your voice echoed. he’d laugh with you, crinkling his nose when you did, it was sickening.

ben had kicked the ball to mason’s feet, where is stilled and hadn’t even broken his stare. he had ‘regained control of the ball’ by kicking mason’s ankles, which had definitely caught his attention and caused him to hiss in pain. “you fucker, what did you do that for?”

“i just gave you a reason to talk to her, you clown.” ben revealed sarcastically, mason limping over to you as you held a look of concern.

“everything okay, mount?” you politely asked, the slight touch on his back as well as hearing his name fall from your mouth was sending him into a frenzy. he just nodded, and followed you inside to where your new office resided. “what the hell happened? last time i looked, you were kicking a ball about with chilly.”

your voice was as silky as he’d imagined. “yeah, he’s a bit slow. so he thought kicking me in the ankles would be a wise idea.” you couldn’t help but giggle at the man’s joke, avoiding his gaze as you were sure to blush. this man was attractive, but it was your first day, you had to remain professional.

“i better get to work,” you huffed, rubbing some hand sanitiser onto your hands and pulling his socks down. “we can’t have chelsea’s best player injured a few days before the game,” you’d finally met eyes and stared at each other for a brief second, before bashful looking away.

“you think that?” mason almost sounded unsure of himself.

“of course,” you grinned and applied some pressure to the side of his ankle, “i’d say you’re one of the best.” mason hummed almost silently, resting his head back on the table. it didn’t hurt, and if anything, he’d have to thank chilly for kicking his ankles, as it got you two talking.

weeks had passed, mason visiting your office most days with random excuses.

“my legs are fine. but maybe a shoulder rub for good luck?”

“i bought you a smoothie.”

“it’s cold outside, and i told the boys my thighs were sore.”

“now i’m just bored.”

every time he’d appear, you’d just pull up a chair instead of prepping the table. he’d talk to you about the most random of things, the pair of you having an intense debate on whether or not ross and rachel were on a break. he’d quickly become your favourite visitor.

“mr. mount, to what do i owe the pleasure?” you questioned, knowing it was him just by the way he fiddled with the handle before opening the door. he grinned at the nickname, sitting in the desk chair beside you.

“i actually came to ask if you wanted to go for a drink tonight. the boys were meant to, but now it looks like i’m all alone.” mason explained, a white lie thrown into the mix. he wasn’t being left by the boys, he asked them to cancel, so he could spend some with you. “so, you fancy it?”

“sure.” you smiled, accepting his invitation before you could overthink your way into cancelling. “i’ll text you my address.” he nodded his head, resting his head on his hands as you got on with paperwork. you could see out of the corner of your eye, he was staring at you as you worked. he had no training to be getting on with, and saw a better pastime in watching you work.

when you’d finally finished work and gotten yourself dressed up, mason was even more in awe of you. you looked adorable at work, and now he’d seen you in a new light. it’s like seeing your crush outside of school, it’s weird not seeing them in uniform, but seeing a new layer of them was good. he’d picked you up and taken you to the nicest pub he could find, it was a quiet one. it was a pub you had to pay extra for to sit on the terrace with a table to yourself. but he was willing to go the distance.

“it’s weird not seeing you in your kit.” you mentioned, staring at his impeccable sense of fashion. like he’d been ripped from the front page of asos. mason chuckled loudly and sipped on his beer, after doing a brief ‘cheers’ with you. it was british tradition, after all.

“i know. i’m used to seeing you in leggings and a chelsea top.” mason observed, his cheeks blushing at the way you looked at him. he felt the butterflies begin to swarm in his stomach, like they did on the way here. “now you’re in a dress, i can see your legs.” his eyes widened at the weird statement that just fell from his lips, face burning with embarrassment. “sorry, that sounded so creepy.”

you burst into laughter, feeling anything but disturbed. in fact, you felt more comfortable with him. “don’t worry about it, you’re easy to feel comfortable with.” mason took this chance to hide his rosy cheeks by sipping on his beer. the pair of you conversed for well over an hour, your conversations from work spilling into the mix too. and soon enough you were laughing on the walk back to your home.

“that’s hilarious. i can’t believe we could’ve almost met years ago.” you exclaimed, mason proud of recalling that memory. the pair of you remembered an awful christmas concert that happened in a town near central london, and were almost inches apart unknowingly covering your ears at the screeches made by the backup singers.

you’d ended up at your door, mason standing just centimetres away from your face. you knew what he wanted, and you wanted it to. so, with the confidence given to you by the mixer you’d just downed a while ago, you closed the gap between you and engaged in a sweet kiss with him. it was well overdue, mason’s teammates would say as he told them the following day.

you’d settled in really nicely with the team, enjoying every day you spent at the training grounds. you’d only been on that one drink date with mason, always planning to reschedule another but you’d both be too busy to do so. it didn’t stop you from texting nonstop and have some late night facetime calls. you were really beginning to like each other. it was as if nothing could ruin your happiness you felt with your life at this moment.

until you’d been pulled aside and told by chelsea’s own manager that a man united massage therapist had quit, offering you the job. it would mean your whole life would shift, you’d have to move, you’d have to make friends with a team all over again, and leave mason. you couldn’t bear telling him, which you’d also been told to do. you’d have to break the news to your beloved team, who would come and cheer with you after a win, and always pester you with random requests. you were each of their’s personal assistant almost, loving your relationship with them all. and mason, you knew he’d be crushed, the girl he was so deeply falling for, being told to move to another club.

you were on edge since that very morning, not being your usual joking self with your boys as they came in for their sessions. you’d weakly smile at them and make small talk whilst tending to their stiff joints, then let them leave. all the boys carried on with their day, assuming you were just having a bad day. but mason could see through you, he could tell something was playing on your mind.

as you were putting pressure on mason’s ankle, which he’d been take off the pitch for last week, he grabbed your arm gently. sitting up, he pulled you close to him and held you how he usually did. his hands grazing your sides and his eyes almost burning holes into your own. “talk to me, pretty. what’s on your mind?”

you shook your head. “i’d go easy on the foot today, mount. i don’t want to see you benched next game.” would you even be able to see their next game? it brought you close to tears throughout the day, but being trapped in a room with mason, you were bound to cry and tell him everything.

his grip didn’t leave your arm, instead he pulled you closer to him and held you close to his chest, now standing and towering over you. you felt a sob erupt through your chest, opening the flood gates as you cried into him. he’d never seen you like this, you were always his smiling ball of sunshine. “talk to me, y/n.”

“they’re moving me.” you simply stated, hoping not to say another word and him just understand completely. but it didn’t work like that, none of the team knew. mason would be the first to know, and you had to tell the rest of the team before the day was up. as this weekend you’d be arranging accommodation in manchester whilst you looked for permanent residence, as well as meeting the team and staff you’d be working for.

“what?”

“they’re moving me to united, mase. a therapist quit over there and they asked for me, your manager signed me over a few days ago. and i’m gonna be leaving you boys.” you explained, mason’s grip on you loosening as he tried to come to terms with what you were saying. he’d had his fair share of bad news in his life, but this was the biggest blow he’d felt in a while.

“they can’t do that,” mason stuttered over his tears, a frown cast upon his face, “they can’t just expect you to pack up and leave.” you placed your hands over his cheeks, forcing him to look down at you. that’s when his tears began to fall, looking so vulnerably at each other in this time of sadness.

“they can, mason. and they have, i need to go this weekend to meet the team and look to move up there.” you admitted, your hands refused to leave his face. you were soaking up every bit of mason you could before you left. long-distance didn’t work for either of you, especially with how busy you both were. the only time you’d see each other would be if chelsea were to play united.

“i can’t lose you, y/n.” he confessed, pulling you into him and resting his head above yours. it wasn’t just losing a girl he was seeing, it was losing someone he loved. he’d fallen deeply in love with you — but telling you would just hinder your movement. he couldn’t make it any harder than it was, it would ruin you. he just had to let you go.

that afternoon, you’d thought about what you were going to say and met the boys on the pitch. the second mason saw you, it took everything in him to not cry into his hands. but he managed to stay strong. you stood weakly beside the team manager, avoiding everyone’s eyes and fiddling with your jumper sleeves.

“afternoon boys,” you greeted them, hearing a few cheers and whistles, they loved you, “i have some news. today will be my last day working with you. i’ve been transferred to united, which will take full effect this weekend. you guys have my number if you just want to talk rubbish, or have any questions for me.” it was a long while of hugging them all, laughing with them and repeating little inside jokes with them.

“what are you going to do without me, huh?” you asked reece, who just chuckled and gave you a squeeze. “i’ll miss you all, you know who i’ll be cheering on if you ever go against united.”

you’d settled in at united perfectly, but something was missing. it was always going to feel this way, nothing would ever break the bond you shared with the chelsea boys. even when they went head to head, and you’d catch mason’s eyes on the pitch, you’d have to hide your smile when they scored, and try even harder if mason was the one putting it in the back of the net. you got on well with the boys here, but you found yourself missing the boys back at chelsea, and most of all, mason.

months had passed since your move to manchester, and you were heading out of your office on a particular tiring friday afternoon, walking past united’s manager, who always seemed to be on his way to something.

“ah, y/n, just who i needed to see.” he commented, stopping you as you were headed out to find a late rashford for his session. “keep an eye on your emails tonight, please. you’ve been included in an international offer.” you nodded, not hearing anything past the word ‘email’. and when you’d gotten home that evening, waiting for your takeaway to arrive, you mindlessly scrolled your emails.

something about the upcoming world cup, saying you’d been selected as the teams massage therapist. it burned your eyes as you danced around your tiny living room; so happy to have a chance at seeing any of the chelsea boys again. you’d thought that after all these months of just seeing mason’s face in his instagram posts, he’d have forgotten about you and moved on. but it was the furthest from the truth.

mason watched over your socials for months, seeing your various pictures with the likes of rashford, shaw, and lingard. he made sure you had friends and was having a good time up north. but every night he’d go to bed, yearning for you and the time you both spent together. missing your first kiss, missing hearing the sound of your laugh in real life, not just through another footballers videos. he missed spending hours on the phone. and although he had a chance to reconnect with you, it would be too much for the both of you to handle. he’d miss you so much more, knowing you were simply unobtainable.

after signing all of the correct documents to show you could in fact work for the national team, you were on your way to the training grounds and coping with living in the camp alongside the boys and other members of staff. it was better than your tiny manchester apartment, that was for sure. you weren’t really needed outside for training, so you set up your office and began on your paperwork. time passed a lot quicker here than it did when you worked at united, it was nearing your lunch break already. a knock was placed at your door, bringing your out of your work daze.

“hello, stranger.” you heard from behind you, heart overjoyed that it was actually him. it was your mason. you turned round to greet him, standing up and immediately pulling him into a hug. it felt familiar, the only bit of familiarity you had in this place. “god, i missed you.” he even smelt the same, as creepy as it was to say.

“i knew you’d be called up,” you admitted to him, looking up at his red face. it was just like the first time, he was so nervous to talk to you, “you’re still my best player.” his hands found your cheeks, taking advantage of the affection not feeling awkward. it was as if you never left.

“you don’t understand how much i’ve missed you all these months, y/n,” he whispered, face centimetres away from yours. “how much i’ve wanted to kiss you again.” you wanted it too, you finally felt like you found your missing piece. but you had to remain professional, this was national level now, not just club level.

“trust me,” you whispered back at him, holding your hands above his own, “i’ve wanted to kiss this pretty face, too. but we have to be professional.” he nodded, understanding that if they were caught, you’d be the one facing repercussions, not him. so he respected your choice and stood back.

“what about when the day’s over, and we go back to the camp,” he suggested, a hand on your shoulder to stop you from turning around, “what would you say to me then?” you just shrugged, sitting back down in your chair and continuing your work. the remainder of your day was quiet, just talking about a few people tomorrow that have stiff joints that need loosening. you’d made your way back to camp, opening your door and sighing as you took your shoes off.

what room are you in? mason texted, waiting outside his door.

you’re eager, i just finished work. but i’m on the floor above you, room 39. you texted him back, speedily changing your attire for something more comfortable and freshening up. mason would be up here within seconds. and whilst there were no rules stating that the squad shouldn’t be in staff members rooms, it felt wrong.

“you’re gonna have to leave when nobody can see you.” you sighed, opening your door to an eager mason. he wormed past you and sat on your bed, semi annoyed that your bed was comfortable than his.

“so not only do you get a room to yourself, you get a bed that doesn’t feel like a plank of wood.” mason stated, clearly getting comfortable on your bed. “i just might have to stay here.” you rolled your eyes and sat beside him, resting your head on the pillow. “you tired?”

instead of saying anything, you nodded and inched closer to him. his right hand was drawing delicate patterns on your exposed arm, whilst the other was wrapped around you. this was the moment he wanted with you, even when you were working at chelsea. but it’s happening now and that’s all he cared about. holding the girl he still deeply loved in his arms.

“i’ll go down to dinner soon,” he mentioned, even if you could hear him or not, “maybe i’ll bring you something up.” a small kiss was placed on your temple, mason snuggling into you a bit more.

the next day, you knew you had some sessions. so you were up early, a text from mason on your phone.

i left late last night, i fell asleep once i came back from dinner. i hope you had a good night.

you blushed at his text, getting yourself prepared for the day. the boys had a match coming up soon and you wanted to be on top of your game, making sure they were all stretched and ready. you sat in your office, prepping your table and your paper work for the first person to enter.

you’d worked with grealish, bellingham, and lingard today. and they only had a few more hours training until they were done for the day. you sighed in your seat and rested your head against your desk, arms and hands sore. your handle was violently shoved down, your door opening in the process. startled, you watched declan carry his best mate in.

“he rolled his ankle taking a kick,” declan explained, helping his friend onto the table. you quickly sanitised your hands and pulled his sock down to observe his ankle. “will he be okay for the game in a few days?”

“yes, dec. he’ll be out in no time.” you reassured his friend, mason smiling through the sharp pain shooting through his ankle. declan had left shortly afterwards, leaving you to giggle at mason.

“what you giggling at, hm?” mason questioned, a finger tickling your side. you squirmed and brushed a hand over his head, his features relaxing under your touch.

“it’s always the ankles, hm?” you retorted, mason rolling his eyes before letting out a laugh of his own. “let’s get you back on your feet in time for this game.” you had taken his boot and sock off, applying gentle pressure to the sides of his ankle and seeing how badly he reacted to the pain.

after the next few days of training, it was finally time for the match. you stood nervously on the side of the pitch, watching the ball being passed around. you watched as it had gone to mason, someone from the opposing team sliding into mason, and knocking his ankles together. he fell and began to yell in pain, the medics rushing over to him and assessing the pain. after realising it was not too serious, but he still had to be taken off, they’d given the job to you.

mason sat on one of the chairs beside you, head leaned back as you pulled his socks down. he winced as your small, cold fingers had pressed different parts of his ankle, but it didn’t feel bad. in fact, it was quite relieving. “it really is always the ankles,” mason finally agreed, making you chuckle and sit on the floor opposite him, “god, it fucking hurts.”

“i will take care of you,” you mentioned, your hand sliding into his. he smiled at the contact, his free hands gently tickling your side. this small amount of public affection felt scary, but good. you knew someone would pick up on it, but you didn’t care in the slightest. you had been away from mason for far too long. months and months apart, yearning for each other every second you were awake.

when the match was over, england scoring a whopping 4-0, mason was by your side for the rest of the evening. even getting onto the coach to go home, he sat beside you the whole way; his hand in yours and his head gently resting against your shoulders. when heading back to camp, knowing you had a day’s break before the boys were back on for training again in time for the next match, mason followed you to your room. you didn’t mind, neither did anybody else really.

you’d gotten into bed beside him that night, eyes heavy from the amount of work you’d both put in today, and the buzzed feeling from declaring victory had awoken something in him. he had the urge to kiss you, like he has every moment he’s spent with you recently, but more than that. he wanted to tell you he loved you, but decided to keep quiet. he wanted to save it for another day, maybe someday more special, when you weren’t trying to catch up on sleep between games.

“are you tired of me?” mason asked, releasing his voice into the darkness. he had no idea whether you were awake or asleep, as half an hour had passed of you both enjoying each other’s presence. you were wide awake, although your eyes told a different story.

“i’m tired in general,” you admitted, rolling over to face him, barely catching his pearly whites in the dark, “but i could never get tired of you.” mason’s heart was beating through his chest, reaching out for your hand to place onto it. it was a special moment — feeling his heart rapidly paced from your words, you’d barely noticed mason’s arm around you as he pulled you into him.

“good, because i’m not letting you go again,” he spoke quietly, your hand now replaced with your head, feeling his pulses on your cheekbone. you smiled for the millionth time that day, happy you had your mason back.

[lovesick-panmess]

Protect Them

Soo I know I'm way overdue with the 3rd part of my Armageddon AU but I've actually been replaying the lessons so I get a proper feel for what I'm writing, so to make up for it and to get this idea out of my head I've been thinking about it for days here is a related fic between the oldest brothers

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Levi can count on one hand how many times he's seen Lucifer coming home injured. The Avatar of Pride could easily crush irrelevant demons with his glare and he proved worthy of Diavalo's right-hand man for a reason... But the first time that Levi remembers was on a travel mission with Lord Diavalo within a year after their fall from grace. It was a distant memory, seeing Lucifer stumble up the stairs blooded up and adamantly refusing care from any of them, even Mammon who was following behind his every footstep. He had gotten used to such behavior and just settled for turning up his headphones on his way to the safe haven that was his room, stopping when he noticed the eldest's door cracked open. He watched Mammon gingerly wrap the bandage around his shoulder, blinking back tears in his eyes and shaking his head vehemently as Lucifer spoke. The music was loud and distracting he just settled for reading their lips-

"Mammon I need you to do this for me.."

"I won't! There's no need, ya just paranoid-!"

Watching the tears well up made Levi shift, uncomfortable and jealous, wondering what bond allowed them to be so vulnerable so open. Hadn't they all fought their father together? Rallied behind him so readily behind Lucifer, their Morningstar that only shined a light that only Mammon was allowed to see. He lingered before continuing to walk down the hall, to dwell in his own sunken loneliness but hearing Mammon speak one more time before the door had shut.

"..I'll do it, alright? Just stop ya crying, Luci.."

He had felt the deja vu of that very moment playing out in front of him, though this time he was hiding from Mammon in his secret spot in the living room. They had planned to go to the movies in an hour and Levi knew that Mammon would try to find him to convince him to pay for the tickets yet again so he decided to wait out the time so that scumbag would have to bring his wallet. It was a surprise to see the door open, everyone else is out and Lucifer's return to be scheduled for a few more days, but instead, the eldest had come early with visible wounds and beatings. Levi felt frozen, debating on whether he should slip out to help or stay putt but once again Mammon comes down the stairs like it's his calling. "Lucifer? Let me help you!" Denial was the first given reaction, the eldest's heart too hard and stubborn to ask for help before collapsing into Mammon's arms.

Levi followed with anxiety brewing in his chest, now wanting to just hide away in his room since plans were clearly on hold and he could do nothing to help the pair. Not like they would want his help, a shitty pathetic otaku wasn't much good at bandaging wounds, not like he was able to get much practice like Mammon did. Jealousy seethed, it made his heart race as he hid to the side of the door at the mention of his name.

"We have to tell him, Mams."

"We don't have to tell him shit! It's fine like this...Levi doesn't have to be involved."

It was confusing to be thrown out of the loop, but it hurt to hear Mammon so effortlessly fight to not include him. Maybe the second-born felt that Levi wasn't worth it? Too weak and unable to do..whatever it is they are arguing about, even so, it was odd-looking into Lucifer's room. Mammon unafraid of the eldest's temper and even being so bold as to glare at him while cleaning his cuts, Lucifer had an expression of utter fondness that was intertwined with an unlabeled fear, one that only he seemed to see.

"Mammon, you know it takes a lot out of me to..admit this. I'm almost jealous that you're able to view me so..."

Shit shit shit, he had been so entrapped in their conversation and his own envy he hadn't realized that it was emitting throughout the hall. He stiffens when Lucifer calls his name, slipping out from where he was hiding and now embarrassed. "Levi..come here please." He notes that Mammon refuses to look at him, biting his bottom lip hard as he sits next to his brother, so not used to this soft tone from him. He really must have stepped into a completely different world, one where Lucifer is willing to fight tooth and nail with his own pride in order to tell them the truth. And what a horrid truth it must be.

"Lucifer what's going on? Why is Mammon..." He trails off, feeling Lucifer's hand skim through his hair, and despite his own embarrassment leaned into the comforting touch and suddenly the bottle of Demonus was looking very tempting. "Levi...I would like to involve you in something very important, in order to protect the others." Lucifer's words were slow, each one taking some kind of will to overcome his pride, his wings twitching in what Levi could easily place as anxiety and one he knew way too well. "I'm not allowed to say anything about the threat outside of the Devildom but it puts us at risk and I...There may be a chance I won't come back."

His stomach drops, he doesn't realize that he's shaking until he feels Mammon's arms wrapping around his shoulder, shaking his head in pure denial. Not Lucifer, the most powerful one of them all, their eldest brother not coming back. Such thoughts were unfathomable to even believe, much less considered as a probability to the point that they had to talk about it. Acknowledge it and take action, Lucifer keeps talking and Mammon presses Levi closer to his chest, "I talked this with Mammon since the beginning but now we believe it's time to tell you in case something were ever to happen to the both of us and you would decide when to tell Satan..."

The prospect of such responsibility makes Levi feel like a fish out of water as he gulps for air yet in that same breath go on a rampage of self-deprecation and drowning doubt. How he's not ready, he's a good-for-nothing shitty pathetic otaku, he can't protect his brothers, he's weak, he's nothing, if Lucifer and Mammon are gone then there would be no fucking hope for them. The two oldest look at each other, small bits of regret building up from the pressure and burden they had put on him, Mammon gently rubbing his back and Lucifer cupping his face. "Leviathan please breathe."

His body does it automatically before he can think about it, the air in his lungs felt like boiling water as the panic slowly dissipates in his chest. All that was left was his own soft mutterings, so sure that Lucifer was probably disappointed that he has to trust in Levi of all people to protect them, he leans against Mammon who nudges him affectionately before resting his head on his shoulder. "I...I haven't really done anything good since...I was General...how can you be so sure in me?" He asks but squirms unready for whatever the answer might be, though he's unable to mistake Lucifer's radiating pride that he feels.

"Who's the one who came up with the plan on where to steal the weapons in the Celestial Realm?"

"M-Me but I-"

"And who helped convince the others to lay low while we defended the base?"

"I did but Luci-"

"Who's the one who took an arrow for Mammon while he was trying to protect me?"

"Lucifer-!"

He gets cut off with a flick on his forehead, his lips set in a pout but meeting the Morningstar's expression that made butterflies bloom in his stomach from overwhelming pride had him turn away and looking down at the floor. "Levi, get out of your head for one second and look at how smart and tactical you are. When it matters...when there is no time to panic. You're the third strongest family for a fucking reason, you should start believing it." The unusual confidence makes him flush but it's really Lucifer's words that bring the tears, no longer from fear but slowly coming to the realization that Lucifer and Mammon too had faith in him...they always did.

"Do ya still wanna join the pact? If ya wanna think about it, ya still can Levi." He blinks at the fact that Mammon had really been silent this whole time and just hugging him, the second born now getting up to tighten the remaining bandages. "Did you think about it, Mammon?" Levi knew the answer in his gut, only the blind would question the unwavering devotion that Mammon and Lucifer had for each other, only further cemented as the Avatar of greed simply shakes his head. He feels a small smile form on his face, "Then I don't need to think about it...I want to do this."

By the next few hours, any of the remaining tension and somber feelings had slipped away, replaced by a calm atmosphere that usually would not last long in the House of Lamentation. The melody of the cursed record floated and hung in the air as Levi rested on the floor in his demon form, the pact officially made and learning about the secret doorway by Lucifer's bookcase, definitely locking that information into memory. He sees Mammon grinning above him, curiosity embedded in his features, "So where'd ya decide to put the pact mark?" Levi lifts his sweater, the symbol of the three still glow fresh on the side by his ribs, and Mammon hissing with empathy.

He wanted it to hurt weirdly enough, to serve as a forever reminder that this pain was temporary but the pain of losing his brothers would surely last till the end of time. Mammon shows the mark on his hand, Lucifer clicks his tongue in disapproval as someone might ask about the pact but the second brother waves his concern away. He enjoys looking at the pact, the constant reassurance that they would be okay when the word goes to absolute shit, and Lucifer couldn't find any argument against that. They both look at the eldest who crosses his arms with a sharp, "No-" before puppy eyes come into play and Lucifer's pride can not save him from that.

What they both don't expect is for Lucifer to turn around and spread his wings out as if to show off, but then they see it. The markings trailing up his spine and next to the scars of where his two wings used to be, Levi is the first to reach up and touch it, internally blaming the remnants of Lucifer's pride that is making him so bold. He sees his hand tremble but luckily he is able to hold his voice steady, "Just because we made this pact..doesn't mean you both get to just fuck up. Y-You both should always come home." Lucifer nods, Mammon kisses his cheek and Levi struggles to hide his tears.

When Levithan leaves the room while closing the door behind him, reality, as he knew it just a few hours ago, wasn't all that different and he can hear Asmo drunkenly cheering as Satan carries him through the door. "Hey, Levi! Don't hide in your room- you better come join us." He doesn't give his thoughts a chance, heading down the stairs with a small smile. The world hadn't changed, but Levi would be forever.

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AHHH THIS HAS BEEN SITTING THE DRAFTS FOREVER I'M SO GLAD I FINISHED IT. Please please let me know if I should make an explanation post of how the pacts would work (it will most likely be headcanons cause I don't know how they work in canon 😪😪)

either way, I really hope you enjoyed the fic as I did writing it! I'm still working on the next part for the Armageddon AU so bear with me 😭

[parcequecestnotreprojeeeet]

Hi. It’s Fanfic Anon #2. I’m back with something a little different this time. I’ve debated whether or not I should send it in, and even though I’m a little nervous about it, I’m going to send it anyway since you all have been so lovely and encouraging. I hope you guys like it. If you don’t, let me know and I won’t write in this style/way again.

It had been a very shit day. A kicking-a-man-while-he’s-down kind of day. The kind of day that made any man not in charge of one of the world’s largest economies crawl into bed, throwing the covers over his head, snuggling up with his dog, to escape the world until it all blew over.

But he knew he couldn’t do that. Not with the press already running stories citing pernicious, unnamed sources claiming he was depressed, losing focus, drive, power, will. Not with so many people counting on him, so much at stake during the meetings, the calls, the quiet diplomacy that lay on his agenda for the day. Not when he knew that giving into it only makes it bigger, worse, louder, harder.

So, as he always does on the hard days, he takes it one step at a time. Grounding himself in the truths he sees, that he experiences throughout the day, the signposts, guideposts pointing him back towards his truth, his terra firma.

They start small: it’s finally autumn, and the brisk chill, that cutting feeling of the wind through his turtleneck grounds him in time, in place.

They get more ironic as the day progresses: the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, but he’s as he’s moving Eastward for a working dinner, he’s chasing the darkness of the oncoming night instead of the bright hope of a new dawn.

But they don’t get more meaningful, to him at least, than the one that strikes him at the lowest point in the day, when he’s exhausted, even for him, the superhuman who doesn’t need rest, the quiet of his mind allowing the dark thoughts he had suppressed in the frantic pace of the day to finally break towards the surface: his wife (still) loves him.

And the sight of her, sitting up in their bed, glasses perched on her nose, the black frames dawning attention to, magnifying the blue of her eyes as they scanned oh so quickly across the words on the page of her book, her quick, clever, brilliant mind seeking ever more knowledge, filling the time at this unreasonably late (or unreasonably early) hour of the night until he came home - it was enough to pull a sob from his chest, in relief, in gratitude, in release of the complex emotions that had been swirling in him for what seemed like forever now.

It’s at that sob her eyes snap up from the book to where he is standing in the doorway to their bedroom, looking oh so very small, so unlike himself that she leapt without thinking towards him, not caring about the autumn chill in the room from the open windows she could feel through her small, thin nightgown, or the cold floor beneath her bare feet or anything that wasn’t the overwhelming need to get her arms around this man, this kind man, this gentle man, this brilliant man who carries her heart, no, is her heart.

“Shhh,” she whispered to console him, pulling his face into the point where her neck and shoulder meet, burying his face in her, like she knows after all these years he loves, surrounded by her warmth, by her smell, by her touch, as she gently rubbed every part of his back she could reach with one hand, while the other gently trailed through his hair, reassuringly petting his scalp and she pressed soft kisses to the top of his head. “Whatever it is, mon cœur, you’re not alone. You’re never alone. You and me, chéri. Always. It’s just you and me.”

She waited until she felt him calm down before she continued, waited until she felt his arms finally leave his sides to slide around her, pulling her into him in a deep, almost crushing hug, before she continued, “It’s going to be okay, Emmanuel. And you want to know how I know that?”

“How?” He asked in a small voice pulling back to look her in the eyes, unashamed to be this small, this vulnerable in front of the one person who ever made him feel truly safe, truly whole.

“With you, I’m not afraid of anything,” she answered before leaning forward to kiss him gently, testing the waters of his comfort level, but also needing a way to show him just how much she loves him. Her heart settled, finally, when she felt him respond to the kiss, choosing to deepen it with a flick of his tongue asking for permission to enter her mouth, permission she happily granted.

They stayed like that for what felt like forever, hands gently, reassuringly tracing the other’s back, arms, shoulder, face until he felt her shiver, definitively from the chill in the room and not from the impact he was having over her. He pulled back and gently rested his forehead against hers, “we need to get you back in bed to warm you up.”

She smirked at his unintended entendre. “Why don’t you warm me up?” She teased, hoping to lighten the mood, sensing he needed it.

“Brigitte,” he moaned, trying to control the way he felt his body react to her invitation, suddenly needy.

“Come to bed with me,” she purred, slipping his blazer off, and gently grabbing his hand and dragging him with her towards their bed.

He followed her willingly, happily, as they tumbled into bed and as she stripped him one by one of his layers, both physical (his clothing) and emotional, treating him with a reverence that brought a different kind of tear to his eye and a different emotion threatening to burst out of his chest.

After, both physically sated and spent, cuddled so closely together he almost couldn’t tell where he started and she ended, barely still awake, he pressed one last loving kiss to the part of her he could most easily reach, and sent a thought of gratitude into the universe for her: his port in a storm, his safe harbor, his refuge, his anchor.

Oh Anon, but why were you nervous and having doubts about posting this?? It’s just beautiful! Feels so human, so natural... so real. It’s like I read this and can actually see it happen. You are doing an incredible job in writing these fanfics, creating it very down to earth and truthful to Emmanuel and Brigitte. No words can thank you enough ❤️ And pretty please, continue! 🙏🏻❤️

[lepusrufus]

Sometimes the girls butt heads, sometimes they tear each other to shreds. This got kinda long so im breaking it into two parts since i have two sketches for it anyways. Enjoy the gory angst under the cut my lovelies (and the sketch although kinda messy)

(Also in case there’s any confusion, here’s my hc on how the daughter’s mutations work. Just in case anyone looks at this and thinks why tf does she have weird bat wings)

Butting heads part 1 (p2)

“Shut up, Bela! Shut the fuck up!”

The shout, bordering on a howl, could be heard all throughout the lower levels of the castle. Cassandra was pinned to the wall by her older sister, an arm pressed firmly against her throat. She was thrashing wildly, talon tipped fingers ripping at anything they could reach. But Bela was more focused on the elongating sharp fangs snapping in her direction. 

“Cassandra calm down-”

“No. You don’t know shit! Fuck you!”

Her skin was starting to turn ashy and thick, dark blood was dripping from her nose and mouth, some of it splattering on Bela’s face. The mutation was even causing her flies to destabilize, part of the swarm buzzing frantically around them, unable to find its place. 

The situation was escalating quickly and Bela’s calm was cracking under her sister's talons. Too focused on keeping Cassandra in place, she couldn’t will her flies to break apart and reform when long claws were slashing at her arms. She could feel her own blood coating her skin and soaking her dress. 

Even on a good day, Cassandra was physically the strongest. What she may have lacked in speed she made up for in sheer brute force. And that was when she looked like a semi normal human.

Daniela was well aware of this, so when she approached the two to help, Bela’s head quickly snapped in her direction. 

“No, Dani stay ba-”

The small distraction was all Cassandra needed to push herself off the brick wall and come crashing down on top of her sister. Her hand was pushing down with all her weight crushing bone and muscle. A choked yelp escaped Bela’s lips when her sister suddenly bit down on her midsection, close to the bottom of her ribcage, and yanked her head back, pulling apart the blood soaked skin. 

Then everything went black.

Bela could faintly hear a fourth voice drowned out by frantic buzzing. Were the flies hers or Cassandra’s? The heavy weight on top of her was lifted and all she could do was curl up and groan in pain. She instinctively tried to cover her abdomen but when her hand came in contact with exposed and torn muscle, pain shot through her entire body like a bullet. Her right arm also seemed to not obey her, pain joining in on the agony party each time she tried to lift it off the dirty floor. The floor had been clean before. Why did it feel so grimy under her body now? The only explanation that her hazy mind could come up with was that she was laying in a puddle of blood. Whether it was hers, Cassandra’s or both was up to debate. 

A series of strangled growls reached her ears accompanied by a rushed exchange of words and the buzzing was starting to feel like static and everything was so goddamn loud. 

She was somewhat snapped out of her haze when a pair of arms lifted her along with a gentle voice.

“Hey, hey, you’re good I got you”

“Daniela?” 

Her youngest sister’s face came slowly into focus after realizing that her inability to see was caused by keeping her eyes tightly shut. She wouldn't normally allow such vulnerability but right now she was tired and the entirety of her upper body hurt and each breath was painfully ragged. So she defeatedly leaned on her sister’s shoulder and allowed herself to be carried to what she assumed was the infirmary. 

----

A couple hallways away, Alcina was carrying her thrashing and growling middle daughter. Without another body to claw at, Cassandra resorted to sinking her talons into her own flesh, clearly in pain now. Her mother quickened her pace and finally ducked into a bedroom. It was one of the more barren rooms of the castle, with only a couple pieces of furniture and a large bed inside. It had no decoration that could be crashed into and cause her child any more injuries. 

Cassandra was gingerly lowered on the soft sheets, Alcinas tenderness a stark contrast to her daughter’s violent shaking and clawing at the fabric on the bed. 

Cassandra had yet to regain any semblance of conscious thought. All Alcina could do for her was sit beside her and wait for hunger to take over enough for her body to be too weak to exist in that state. She tried gentle strokes, but each touch, no matter how gentle, broke the skin into a small frantic swarm that seemed to struggle to find its place again. It felt like hours before Cassandra stopped spasming, but with how fast hunger settled in when the girls mutated it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes. 

“Mom?” Her voice came out raspy and choked, probably due to the blood stuck in her throat.

“I’m here little one.” 

Alcina tentatively stroked her daughter’s damp hair. When her form remained whole, she gently pulled her head in her lap.

“It hurts-” 

Her complaint was cut short with a groan at the searing pain caused by hunger. She wrapped her arms around her midsection in an useless attempt to ease her own suffering. 

Alcina winced at how Cassandra was dipping her talons into the skin of her abdomen, too delirious to realize that was only causing more pain. So she grabbed her hands and held them still.

Cassandra started to shake again, mumbling under her breath.

“We were-...were hunting and I” she interrupted herself with a sob “messed up. Bela an…. ‘m sorry-”

“Shh, it’s okay love. You need to focus on going back to normal now darling,” Alcina cooed.

 Cassandra scrunched her nose and shut her eyes. She did her best to focus on the flies that formed her body, willing them to set back in their rightful place and to stop shifting and breaking apart. She had mild success and now the big frantic swarm was reduced to a smaller group of flies still buzzing about the room. The hunger and pain were still present as ever though, her bones and muscles breaking and tearing apart from the mutation’s effects. 

Alcina praised her for regaining some semblance of control and told her something that fell on deaf ears. The next thing the brunette knew was that she was being shifted off her mother’s lap and out of instinct she grabbed the white dress in order to keep her near.

“Darling, did you hear me?” Alcina’s voice was soft and she waited until her daughter’s eyes were focused on her to continue. “I’m going to bring you something to eat. I’ll be back in 5 minutes.”

Cassandra only groaned in response, the mere mention of food worsening the pain in her abdomen. She nodded slowly and curled back into herself, allowing her mother to exit the room in a rush. 

Left alone, she kept trying to fight against her own body. She could feel the sickening cracks of her bones placing themselves back in position. Her muscles felt like writhing parasites under her skin, shifting and twisting and occasionally falling apart into flies to reposition themselves. The hunger was the perfect cherry on top of the agony cake she was feeling.

It felt like an eternity before the door finally opened and her mother approached the bed with a big plate of fresh raw meat. Cassandra started to dig in the moment it was within her reach. She didn’t know exactly what body part she was chewing on at the moment but she didn’t care in the slightest. It took her no more than five minutes to finish everything, almost choking a couple of times.

She sighed in relief and let her head fall back on the now stained sheets. The pain was still present, but it felt more like a dull ache rather than jolts shaking her entire body. The comforting circles that her mother was rubbing on her back were also helping. 

“How are you feeling, little one?” 

“Better.”

Alcina smiled fondly at her daughter, leaning down to place a soft kiss on the top of her head. 

“Will you be alright on your own for a bit? I need to check on Bela-”

The brunette’s head snapped up, eyes wide. She had forgotten how this mess started in the first place and now that she remembered, guilt started to gnaw at her like the ache in her bones. 

“I’ll come with y-”

“Ah ah ah, you will do no such thing. Rest for now, I’m sure she’s fine,” she lied. The image of Bela laying on the floor in a puddle of her own blood and her upper body almost torn to shreds was seared in her mind. The only comfort right now came from the fact that Daniela was taking care of her and, while unpredictable, her youngest cared deeply about her sisters and was more than capable of patching wounds.

Alcina planted another kiss on Cassandra's head and placed a blanket on top of her. She left her side with the promise of coming back shortly and exited the room, door left just slightly ajar so she could hear if her daughter called for her.

[movedtodykedvonte]

Okay but I can’t get the idea out of my head that lady d actually has a really sweet tooth. Like her biggest indulgence is anything sweet. Her favorite however I like to think is lemon meringue and any sort of sour gummy. Oh and chocolate ice cream holds a special place in her heart

I’ve been wanting to do head canons on the lords’ eating habits and these give me an excuse.

Alcina Dimitrescu

She is from a noble and regal background, so of course she has very high standards in terms of food. This translates to blood as well, quality over quantity. (She wouldn’t drink from someone unfit)

I love the idea she had a sweet tooth, blood and flesh must’ve sucked at first as it is metallic and tangy but she learned to love it.

I think she’d like more out there and complex sweets, things that look or sound fancy: Eclairs, Tiramisu, parfaits, macaroon, etc. But I think she’d also be fond of something traditonal: Arlechin, Cornulete cu Gem, Cozonac (I had a Romanian teacher who brought in these)

As for food, I like to think she’s big on savory things, not salty, but something with a lot of flavor and texture

Again, only high quality ingredients or she won’t dare take the plate, let alone try some. This is of course she’s not more interested in eating you

Donna + Angie

Again, Angie has convinced Donna that eating only sugary treats and snacks is the way to go, this of course is not good

Doesn’t really have a type she goes for but it has to be pretty and be able to plate nice for parties or table settings. This often rules out candies that burst, pastries that fall apart and drinks that can separate

Not a big eater either, so everything is like appetizer sized, she mostly snacks on these things throughout her day (Will sometimes share with Moreau and Alcina if they cross her path)

As for food? It’s also sweet things. Honey glazed, sugar rubs, sweet rolls and things with fruit cooked with them so the sugar makes it sweet. You’ll find it impossible to feed her anything else

Secretly sneaks vegetables when no ones looking. She doesn’t want Angie to know her lies

Salvatore Moreau

I had a long debate over whether him eating fish is technically cannibalism, weirdly fucked or absolutely normal. The conclusion was Sal would not eat fish as they are his only friends in the reservoir 

He probably throws up so much because all he really eats is cheese, not because he can’t get other things, I just think it’s a comfort food and he needs all the comfort he can get

Of course, as a cheese lover he’d like crackers and breads and fruits. Pretty much his diet is like a make shift Charcuterie Board. Probably like Donna where he eats a small amount at a time but is munching all day

Meat. Meat is a specials case as he only really eats it in his big fish-toad form and it usually the livestock that swim into the reservoir. Occasionally he’ll slip up and eat a person but shit happens y’know.

Probably would cry if offered a cooked/warm meal, the reservoir doesn’t look to have a place to cook stuff and he is probably too sensitive to fire to cook it that way. Ixnay, everything besides the cheese is raw.

Karl Heisenberg

I think I mentioned he only eats the worst of the worst food. He is very spiteful towards Miranda and if his body was supposed to be a vessel he’s gonna ruin it for her

No fruits or veggies, lots of meats and sweets, it’s one the few things he and Alcina have in common. Of course, he likes all the processed garbage she loathes; chips, sodas, things like Twinkies

Likes hardy meals too, I think he’d eat heavy so he could work for a long time without needing to refill for a while. But it’s like dad/man food. Those combinations of things that don’t go but it’s edible.

Has the gene that makes cilantro taste like soap (weakling) Alcina sneaks it into his food

For the spicy Ethan anon, I bet Karl is the type ot put hot things into foods that have no reason to be like that. He’d put it in a milkshake or some crushed pepper on a cake as sprinkles