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thefanficmonster · 3 years ago

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Interesting Encounters

Corpse Husband *& Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Paranoia and Fear of Invasion of Privacy

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse has an interesting run-in with his regular delivery girl, having the chance to talk to her for the first time despite her having been delivering to his door for months. It’s a big step in overcoming his anxiety and paranoia when talking to strangers.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! Hope you come across the final product of your request and give it a read and if so I hope you like it! Sorry for the wait, I hope it was worth it though! Love, Vy ❤

It’s a regular Monday morning, close to 10AM and Corpse’s face is practically glued to the sound editing app he’s downloaded, playing around with some cool effects to add to his voice in the background of the new song he’s been working on. He hasn’t been able to sleep a wink thanks to the immense excitement, not that he would’ve been able to regardless, but the tune and the lines have been stuck in his head all throughout the weekend and he knows they’ll be bothering him until he turns them into something other people will be able to listen and give an opinion on as well. So far he’s done plenty of work but there’s plenty more to go until it’s done. He’s at that point he usually needs feedback and wants to ask for it but would rather not to avoid either too harsh judgement or fake praise.

He slides the headset off, deciding to take a break for the sake of his sanity before he drives himself to insanity with the intensity of his focus on this new piece. His brain just so conveniently sends him a reminder that his groceries are probably waiting for him outside the door. He has, as of the last half a year or so, had someone deliver his groceries to him to avoid trips to the grocery store with both the whole pandemic situation and the growth of following which translates to growth of the risk of him getting recognized. That’s the main reason - and maybe the only one - as to why he doesn’t interact with the people who deliver to him either. He always gives his delivery person the instruction to leave whatever he’s ordered at the doorstep and if it’s not takeout to not even ring the doorbell.

That being said, the deliverer of his groceries doesn’t ring the doorbell to give him the kind reminder to be responsible, but luckily he hasn’t forgotten to collect them yet in the six months he’s been practicing this delivery technique.

Going to the front door and looking out of the peephole, he confirms there are several full plastic bags waiting to be picked up on the mat. With the person who brought them not in sight, Corpse unlocks the door and steps out to bring in the groceries for the week. Taking them to the kitchen, he unpacks the goods in the three bags. At first glance he would’ve been fooled, seeing as how it seems that all he has ordered is there. But, each Monday, he receives exactly four bags of groceries. One is missing. He rolls his eyes thinking he didn’t see it outside and left it there while he was hurriedly collecting the rest so he gets up to go grab it real quick.

While in the meantime...

Y/N looks through the remainder of bags in her minivan, making a route in her head for what roads and shortcuts she can take to deliver the last of the groceries to the respective homes they need to be taken to. Upon looking through them, however, she sees a bag labeled ‘MM’ that she uses short for ‘Mystery Man’, aka the guy who never opens the door to greet her whenever she delivers him anything. She works for several delivery services such as takeout, groceries, clothes even and has delivered to that apartment hundreds of times but has never met the resident, giving her the right to call him Mystery Man, aka ‘MM’.

“Ah, shit.“ She mumbles under her breath, realizing she failed to grab the fourth bag when on her way up to MM’s apartment.

Coming to terms with the fact that she’ll have to lose another five minutes going back up to his floor, she grabs the bag and takes off running back inside the building and up the stairs, deciding it would be quicker than taking the elevator.

Just as she arrives to the floor, heading straight for the door, it opens, freezing her in her tracks as her eyebrows shoot up. At the doorstep stands a guy with an eye patch who looks more surprised and maybe even a little terrified than her. Taking in that Mystery Man is not such a mystery anymore, she returns to her professionalism, remaining at a distance and outstretching the hand holding the bag towards him.

“Sorry, forgot to drop this one off as well, I’m a bit all over the place today.“ She says in her most professional voice.

Corpse too regains his composure and takes the handed bag from Y/N gloved hand. Before he can think twice about it he says, “Thanks, uh...”

“Y/N.“ She says, “I’ve delivered to you countless times, it’s funny you don’t know my name but it’s to be expected since I’ve never seen you. This would be a good time to tell me your name so I don’t have to call you Mystery Man anymore.“ She laughs, cutting her own laughter off barely a second later when she realizes what she’s said, “Oh, fucking shit...”

Corpse chuckles, clear amusement in the sound, “Mystery Man? Interesting, interesting. If I ever become a superhero I’ll make sure to pick that name.” He fails to even pay mind to the fact that he’s spoken a lot more than he’d usually feel comfortable with.

Y/N laughs a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, “Yeah, sorry about that. I promise to come up with a better one if you’re not willing to tell me your real one. Like....Pirate, for example?” she suggests, raising her shoulders.

He can’t help but let out a laugh, “You’d be surprised, but my name is not so far from your mark. It’s, um....” He’s not looking forward to the judgmental look or the questions he might receive in response to his statement but he succumbs to the expected disappointment, “My name’s Corpse.”

Surprisingly, she just smiles - a smile he cannot see due to the surgical mask she’s wearing but the crinkle at the corners of her eyes gives it away. “Cool! Well, I better get going then.”

Just as she turns to head for the elevator this time, seeing as she’s still out of breath from the run up the stairs, Corpse gets an idea he’d probably not be too fond of if he gave himself time to think it over. Which is exactly why he didn’t.

“Hey!“ He calls after her, gaining her attention immediately, causing her to turn around, “You got a minute? I need a little help with something...“

Y/N’s eyebrows raise a little, a moment before she shrugs her shoulders, “Meh, I’m already behind schedule, what’s an extra minute gonna do?” And just like that, they strut their way back towards his apartment.

He can’t help but chuckle, taking the opportunity to crack a joke, “This is how people often get killed. You don’t just walk into a stranger’s apartment like that.”

She scoffs as she passes the threshold, “Believe it or not, you can learn a lot about a person based on the groceries they buy. And trust me buddy, you’re not a murderer.” Earning herself a laugh and a nod with that remark, she continues, “You do appear to be an artist with all the cheap food you’re buying though.”

Corpse laughs yet again, a hint of nervousness is sensed in his laugh this time around though, “Yeah, well, I don’t know if you’re still gonna call me an artist when you hear this song I’ve been working on. Not even out of the box yet.”

Y/N stops in her tracks, “Well, well, well, aren’t I honored to be one of the lucky people hearing this before its release.”

“The first hearing it before its release.“ He corrects her with a pointed look, not missing the excitement that arose in her eyes.

“Let’s hear it then!“

Of all the friendship stories that exist, no one can say this ain’t a unique one.

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waterparchive · 2 years ago

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(June 13, 2022, Words by Emily Carter)

Full interview below:

“We’d just come from our first headline tour in America – we were in a van, it was winter, it was fucking freezing…” Awsten Knight tells Kerrang! today, “and I was probably in the top-three most sick I’ve ever been. We finished a show in Florida, got on a plane immediately and I couldn’t fucking breathe, and we went straight to the venue that night. I just couldn’t sing no matter what I tried – I couldn’t fucking speak.”

The frontman is currently recounting this depressingly underwhelming moment as he strolls around a random truck stop in Germany, as the band gear up for the biggest UK and European run of their career: the See You In The Future tour. As fate would have it, it includes a stop in Brixton.

Bumping into drummer Otto Wood nearby on his German wander, Awsten lets his bandmate continue their woeful 2017 tale.

“He was very sick, and the rest of us just hadn’t slept,” Otto remembers. “And then there would be all these strangers walking by, and I don’t even know if they had any affiliation with the venue, but they would walk by and be like, ‘Lotta history in this room!’ ‘This is the big one!’ ‘There’s a lot of people out there, huh?!’”

“I’m not even kidding, like five different people walked by and just said shit like that,” Awsten groans. “And we were just like, ‘Stop!’ But Otto had to sing that show, and I just played guitar – I would try to hype people or whatever, but it was miserable (laughs). It sucked so bad!”

This time around, though, Waterparks are headlining the whole damn place – and, as Awsten promises, it will surely be a moment of triumphant “redemption”. Armed with brilliant new single FUNERAL GREY, and all the songs from last year’s Greatest Hits which have only been played in the UK a handful of times since release, it’s got all the makings of an incredible night.

Here, we catch up with Awsten on all things Greatest Hits, FUNERAL GREY, and what to expect from the See You In The Future tour…

It’s been a year since the release of Greatest Hits. How do you reflect on that whole time period?

“It’s kind of hard to! But, as I take a moment to try and reflect for maybe the first time (laughs), I think it’s crazy because I feel like everybody who put out an album in that time kind of feels strange, or has some conflicting feelings about it. It’s hard to hear those songs and not think about the fact that nobody was at their best during 2020, obviously. It’s hard not to tie those things together, but that album did really grow us a lot. I mean, you have to be thankful, otherwise you’re just ungrateful! You don’t get a lot of tangibles as an artist, but when you can see Spotify numbers or tickets sold in a city has all gone up because of that album, then it’s like, ‘Okay cool, that’s a great thing.’ A lot of people took steps back or even called it quits in that time, but actually I think we owe a lot to Greatest Hits that I can’t see yet.”

So you can’t quite tell the real-world impact of the album?

“Yeah, everyone’s finding out what it’s translating to right now. But our Spotify numbers were less than half of what they were before Greatest Hits! Going into this tour I’ve been trying to look at numbers less because normally I obsess over them, but I glanced at them the other day for the first time in a while and it was like, ‘Oh, cool!’ All the UK dates are more people than we’ve ever had, so even though I know touring is kind of a strange thing right now and everybody’s sort of uneasy, there’s still that growth for us – and we’re really lucky, because I feel like that’s been a consistent thing for us, throughout all of the weirdness!”

Your first post-Greatest Hits single, FUNERAL GREY, came out at the same time that My Chemical Romance released their first new music in years, The Foundations Of Decay. But it doesn’t feel like that impacted the release of your single?!

“Dude, not at all! FUNERAL GREY was our biggest first week of streams, by far. I was like, ‘Holy shit!’ It hit a million in four and a half days. There obviously are moments where you’re like, ‘Oh man, how do I compete with that?!’ But you have to remind yourself that we’re not competing with that. We’re in completely different leagues, obviously – they’re just legends. And so the way I looked at that was that we’re not competing; if anything, we’re fucking friends. And I think it’s just cool when great music can come from bands, no matter what. That’s the bottom line of what matters.”

That feels like a very healthy approach…

“It’s taken a fuck-load of therapy, and time, and hitting my head against the wall! Knowing the numbers is good; obsessing over them, not so much. It just distracts you from creating more stuff that people would enjoy, or would make me feel fulfilled.”

Before release, you teased the single on TikTok, and obviously in the past few weeks there has been a lot of discourse online, with Halsey saying their label wouldn’t release their new music without a viral moment on TikTok. What’s your relationship with promoting things and social media?

“It kind of depends on the day! But no matter how healthy or unhealthy I am with it between what day it is, I think the most important thing is that I see it for what it is, and I understand that that’s part of it. I think I’m blessed and cursed enough to have spent so much fucking time online that it’s kind of natural. And, you know, not being cool growing up in school, it gives you a sense of humour and you’re able to laugh at yourself. A lot of those TikToks that do well are kind of self-deprecating, and I think that being able to find the humour in things, and laugh at yourself – but not so much that it’s like pissing your pants (laughs) – it’s just another medium that’s becoming more necessary to put yourself out there. I would love to be able to be less online, and I kind of have been less online lately, but it’s important to put what you need to out there and do what you have to do, but you don’t have to be drenched in it all the time.”

On to the song itself: what made FUNERAL GREY the first thing to show people after Greatest Hits?

“Honestly, there were so many songs that we were stuck between! A lot of the time I’ll have a very clear idea of, ‘I want to do this, and then this, and then this…’ – and I still do have a lot of those specifics, but as far as what came first, I just knew that, where Greatest Hits was very introverted and kind of dark, I wanted something that was the exact opposite; I wanted something that made me feel good. Another deciding factor was also wanting something fun, because we’re going to be playing it live a lot now. When I’m stuck I definitely do ask others’ opinions – not as an end-all be-all, but just, ‘Hey, what do you think is the one?’ Because if there was a resounding one and I was unsure, then I would be like, ‘You know what? Maybe it is that one then.’ But everybody had different favourites [this time around], and it was like, ‘Shit!’ So it wasn’t helpful in picking the first song, but it’s really good to know that there’s not only one really good song – it’s reassuring that there’s so much good stuff, and it felt like we couldn’t really make the wrong choice. And I’m not mad at what we chose!

“A lot of what’s been – and being – written is very extroverted, because Greatest Hits was conceptually over the course of a night, and had a lot of references to indoor shit, and this one I wanted to feel almost like a reintroduction into daytime. And that’s kind of how things are right now – I’m not saying, ‘Everything’s over, throw away your masks!’ I’m not saying that at all, but people are going back out into the world, and they’re re-socialising and re-experiencing things again for the first time in a long time, and a lot of these songs are about those kinds of connections.”

Was it written before you signed to Fueled By Ramen?

“It’s so frustrating, because people say so much online with so little knowledge of how things actually work! People are like, ‘Oh my god, they signed with Fueled By Ramen, they’re gonna make them sound like pop bullshit!’ And I’m like, ‘Dude, the album was 95 per cent done before we even met any of them.’ They flew from New York to LA just to hear the new stuff – because I’m so protective and careful about it, because I have nightmares about our shit leaking! That’s one of my biggest fears. I don’t want to work on an album for a full year of my life or more, and then just have it get leaked. So yeah, they flew over to hear it and were like, ‘Holy shit, this is amazing!’ And I’ve seen how they’ve handled their bands, and they’ve given us more resources than anybody has – and there’s no label-oriented change to the music. So it’s really best-case scenario for us!”

As well as the new single and label change, your clothing company HiiDef has been a huge success. Is that taking up more of your time now than you expected?

“You know, it’s something that I always wanted to do. Very early on with the band I used to micro-manage fucking everything, and it took up 100 per cent of my time, but I’ve kind of realised that perfection is… what’s the saying? ‘Perfection is the enemy of progress.’ And that’s true, because I can sit there being nit-picky over everything, and it’s exhausting! Obviously I’m never gonna half-ass anything, but now I don’t get hung up on everything and it’s opened up so much more time to work on so many other things – and HiiDef was one of those. In band world you want to sell as much merch as possible, but with this everything is very limited in the collections – it’s all 300 [pieces] or less, and it’s just about making the coolest stuff. The other day I dropped this heat-sensitive thing with buttons all around the neck, and if you breathe on it or go outside it looks fuckin’ crazy! This is stuff that you can’t really make in a band scope, because it costs more and it’s just not as sustainable. But I’ve always been into fashion, and I’ve wanted to design shit for long. At the end of 2019 I had a full binder of 50 designs, and then the fucking pandemic hit and I was like, ‘Oh damn, okay!’ But it gave me more time to study because the factories shut down. Since then, I’ve just gotten better at it, and I’ve also realised that being able to do all this can’t be a one-man thing, and you need a good team around you. I can sit there and say, ‘Hey, I want to make this!’ and leave and go to Europe for a tour, and they can begin production on it. So it’s basically just about building teams and having smart, creative, capable people around you. I would be a fucking asshole liar if I took credit for everything going on around me!”

It still seems like juggling everything must be quite stressful…

“It can be, but the thing is there’s time for everything – if you’re not just wasting your day on social media! And that’s easy to do; you can fall into that trap. But, as long as you divide your time appropriately, you can manage so much more than you think if you just put your fucking phone down (laughs).”

Right now you’re focussing on your UK and European headline tour this month – what can fans expect from those shows?

“It’s exciting, because we’ve been able to take the time to transform some of the songs, and add new arrangements, new production, new instrumentation. The production is fucking next-level, and we’ve got some special surprises – especially for London. I will say there’s going to be some history made in London! I hate spoilers, but it’s a really good introduction into what’s next…”

Will you be playing any more new music?!

“Yes! I’m just going to say ‘yes’ and leave it at that!”

After the UK and Europe, your 2022 tour dates wrap up supporting My Chem in America. How does that feel?

“Amazing! Amazing! I can’t fucking wait. Obviously we’re very tight with Mikey [Way, bass], and I’ve talked to Frank [Iero, guitar] a handful of times, but the other day I got to meet Gerard [Way, vocals] and it was so cool. It was just a by-chance thing, but everybody was so fucking nice, and it’s so weird to meet them people that you watched growing up – and it’s like, ‘Oh my god, they’re really cool, they’re not assholes, this is amazing!’ I was able to thank them for having us, because that’s a big bucket-list thing that I didn’t know would ever get crossed off.”

Finally, do you see the Greatest Hits era as done at this point?

“I think that, for me, it’s done. I also get impatient, and – like I said – nobody has the best memories associated with their ‘pandemic albums’. And with so much good, bright new shit ready to go, it’s hard to not move forward.”

#waterparks #waterparks interview #more tags #later #kerrang #otto interview #awsten interview

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sanstropfremir · 3 years ago

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pls do talk more about b*s and their current image (censoring because if you don’t have great things to say i don’t want you to be attacked by their crazy stans :))

i always bring this up when i talk about them but it’s really :( that they are the way they are now. like i was a fan because of their hyyh era and their songs about the troubled youth. and of course they can’t stay in that image forever (because we all grow up and it would just be v fake if they tried to continue it given their status and wealth now.) it’s just disappointing that they went down the ‘safe, disney image’ and are releasing generic mainstream pop songs people will forget after a couple listens. i’m no longer a fan of them now but yuh.

also not to mention how they essentially made kpop boring for me now lol i wish companies had fun with their music selections instead of aiming for whatever b*s has. like we will never get a group like orange caramel again (i know wjsn chocome’s concept was similar but it just didn’t feel the same. you talked about it before and i wholeheartedly agree with ur points.)

thank you for the consideration of censoring the name but honestly i'm not that worried about it. i do however find the increasingly creative ways people censor it to be extremely hilarious so keep it up if you would like.

i addressed most of the first part of your ask in the second part of my response here, this is now the third installment in a series, somehow. (the first part is here).

not to level this at you in specific anon, because i know a lot of people share this sentiment of kpop being 'boring' now, and while there is an element of this that is influenced by bts, and although it is true we aren't getting the same level of wild that produced orange caramel, there is actually interesting and kinda weird stuff happening in kpop; it's just not by the groups that are getting the most attention. dreamcatcher has been out here doing horror rock since their debut in 2017. onf has put out two excellent summer pop tracks with fun and stupid genre mvs. i love this recent ghost9 track. i'm obsessed with the instrumental in the chorus of bdc's moon walker. just b debuted last month with a strange bang yongguk track and a very 2013 feeling mv. here's another weird and fun boy group debut, blitzers. a.c.e have put out favourite boys, the fave boyz remix, down, and higher as their last four releases which all have the most coherent and well designed concepts in the last year. and while i'm at it i might as well include take me higher and undercover. oneus put out a mad max themed performance video randomly for no reason like three weeks ago. the rest of the industry were cowards for not following up on to be or not to be with a shakespeare comeback wave. rip onlyoneof but they gave us a whole three week comeback of dick grabs. hanya brought my attention to this weird as shit debut track from a group that has now totally disappeared. knk's sunset exists. we moved on way too fast from the mv because taeyang was being cunty on music shows but sf9's teardrop has probably some of the most interesting shots in a kpop mv in the last several years. and we definitely moved on too fast from my favourite just some guy and goofy movie character woodz's feel like.

i think it's pretty fatalistic to view bts as having singlehandedly made the industry boring because honestly......i don't think they have. if you want to talk about the downturn to plainclothes styling....well that's shinee's fault. and the general trend to less dramatic fashion and visual tastes is not exclusive to the kpop industry, it's been a whole cultural trend. the mid to late 2010s were the rise of 'normcore' and we haven't burst the bubble yet. bts is just reflecting trends happening in the wider world, and in particular the western one. for the most viewed kpop mv of 2020 dynamite did....what exactly? it didn't really spawn any significant copycats in terms of sound or aesthetics, with the exception of maybe superm's we do if you look at it a bit sideways. although this is one of bts' better styled mvs, 70s retro did not make any resurgence in kpop styling, EXCEPT in magazine and fashion shoots, which it was already doing in the west. taemin's criminal was significantly more influential; i can think of at least three different male soloist mvs that borrowed heavily from it. honestly i think stylists and groups are trying to steer as clear as possible of whatever aesthetics bts uses, lest they accidentally doom themselves to a (perceived) slighted fanbase. plus, there's been a pretty sizable resurgence in contemporary hanbok styling, so even though there is a lot more outward attention going to things like international promotions for other groups and whatever the hell sm keeps trying to do with nct, i think a fair amount of companies are interested in maintaining the koreanness of kpop while facilitating broader global access.

and honestly, bigger acts have also put out interesting things in the last year. we did all see taemin's back to back release roster for ngda right? criminal? idea???? advice???????? fuck, chocolate was barely a year ago. whatever your opinions on yunho are, thank u is fucking brilliant mv. sunmi's tail. lie to me and tell me the mv for you can't sit with us isn't fun as fuck. i dunno what the hell the new nct127 song is gonna be like but the teaser photos and mood sampler are weird as hell and i'm absolutely interested. he's only kpop adjacent at the moment but jackson's 100 ways and lmly are really sharply produced low budget mvs with clean and interesting visuals. maniac shot to the top of my most listened immediately after it dropped because lia kim AND those slick horns in the instrumental???? ten's paint me naked was not at all what i was expecting but it's still fun as hell and has a pretty unique aesthetic.

the tldr of this whole three parter is this: bts has always been reactionary to wider cultural trends and that's been how they've made it this far. yes their influence on the industry looms very large because of the predominence of them on the scene, but it's mostly in the perception of kpop rather than in the artistry of it.

i don't think any company is going to be able to achieve what bts and hybe have, which i think is fine. they're the scale tipped too far. hopefully by now most companies have probably noticed that they don't need to cater to the western market so hard, and that it's probably not a good idea to offer their artists up on the racist chopping block of the western pop scene. you can market to an international fanbase without trying to gun for a grammy or for billboard or whatever. creating interesting art should be at the fore, not numbers goals. but we're just gonna have to wait and see what happens in the next year or so.

#now if youll excuse me im going to go listen to the mixnine love in the ice stage again for the 524th time #because i have FEELINGS and today has been a LOT #i dont know that im necessarily saying anything that other people havent said before but yea #there is definitely a saturation in the market but i really dont think you can blame that on bts #there are many other groups that have proved the industry is heavily profitable #it is very reasonable that there is a glut. finding the gold may require a bit more sifting but it's still there #honestly watching the music shows is the best and easiest way to keep engaged and finding new stuff #you dont even have to watch the whole show. you can just watch the stages #that's what i do in the morning. like reading the newspaper lmao #i will answer more questions about bts if people have them but i will try not to make them this long because this is just unreasonable #875 #kpop questions #kpop analysis #group analysis #text #answers

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shefanispeculator · 3 years ago

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I'm slightly disappointed to log onto Zoom and find Gwen Stefani in Los Angeles. I wanted to see the ranch. Stefani spent most of the pandemic in Oklahoma with her fiancé and fellow The Voice coach Blake Shelton, with whom she has recently collaborated on a string of country radio hits, alongside a kitsch Christmas song. For a ska-pop superstar, it's a pivot, but Stefani and Shelton are cute together — picture-perfect in their opposite attraction.

Country Gwen exists, her urban counterpart assures me, but on this particular MacBook she's nowhere to be seen. I'm not sure what crude regional stereotypes I was expecting (Stefani spitting sunflower seeds? Shelton line dancing in the background?) but I get Californian sunshine instead, illuminating a version of Stefani more familiar from my teenage years, when Love. Angel. Music. Baby and its follow-up The Sweet Escape spawned millions of fans, haters and imitators. She's platinum blonde, red lipsticked and wearing a black-and-white outfit that matches the decor. The checkerboard pattern can be traced back to an even earlier era, when Stefani and her No Doubt bandmates were '80s teenagers obsessed with two-tone acts like Madness and The Specials.

Cowboy boots wouldn't fit this picture, and nor would Stefani's glitzy showgirl outfits from The Voice, where she just wrapped another season as a celebrity coach. As she prepares to release her fourth solo record, and enters the fifth decade of an extraordinarily successful music career, Gwen Stefani is re-re-branding as... Gwen Stefani.

Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino, Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Engagement ring: Gwen's own

"But what is that?" Stefani asks with seriousness, as we consider the possibility of some essential, inherent Gwen. "Everyone's interpretation of what I am and how I sing, I mean, that's what this era is about for me."

Said era kicked off late last year, with the music video for "Let Me Reintroduce Myself." It saw Stefani playfully revisit the wardrobes of album cycles past, from the ab-bearing tomboy tank tops of "Hollaback Girl" to the club kid blue hair mascara of '90s No Doubt. Her Harajuku Girls also make a return. The entire visual is a huge flex, not only for the sheer volume of iconic career moments recreated in dutiful detail, but the fact Stefani can still fit into the clothes originally worn during all of them. She looks eerily the same, frighteningly good, ageing in reverse at the same pace as her frequent collaborator Pharrell.

"It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore."

Pop stars are expected to be young forever, in looks but also in their capacity to innovate new trends. Which makes the nostalgic music video a curious choice. Doesn't Stefani know by now that the cardinal rule of pop is to avoid repeating yourself? That even the hottest artists in the world are basically required by law to create completely new eras from scratch every six months in order to appease fans and maintain maximum TikTok-ready relevance?

Of course she does, but that doesn't mean she has to participate. Stefani isn't trying to chase down her contemporaries, despite clearly possessing the physical fitness required. "It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore," she says. "It's a different energy. You know, it's really just about doing it to do it, as opposed to trying to make a statement or make a mark."

Corset: Ronald van der Kemp, Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Engagement ring: Gwen's own

Even the Saweetie remix of her latest single "Slow Clap" happened on a whim, after the younger artist happened to post a video of herself vibing to Stefani's 2004 single "Luxurious" on Instagram Stories. They knocked out the song and accompanying video in a day. Neither seems bothered by the Old Navy meme. "It was just this little video that we did on the fly," Stefani says. "It just happened. It just feels good to put new stuff out there."

Stefani completed a two-year Vegas greatest hits residency in 2019, which gave her a sense of perspective on her own legacy. "You make a new record because that's what is exciting for you," she says. "But people really just want to hear the records after a while that were the backdrop to their lives, a 'Don't Speak' or a 'Just a Girl' or a 'Hollaback Girl,' or whatever it was for them. So, you know, it's hard — you can only be new when you're new, and that's just the truth, and I know that."

She says she was pleasantly surprised that "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" charted at all, and that she only found out it did when Shelton walked into the kitchen to show her the iTunes numbers. "I burst out crying with joy, because it was like, 'Whoa, really?' I think I'd set myself up to be quite realistic about where I'm at."

Stefani, endlessly polite and self-deprecating in conversation, which on her end mostly consists of endearingly earnest run-on monologues, says she still has "tons" of insecurities. I get the impression she has been trying harder to give herself credit lately. She recalls recently hearing Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on the car radio and finding herself in awe of the song's timeless catchiness.

Suit: Balmain, Earrings and choker: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own

"But then I started thinking," she says, in a goofy Cher Horowitz tone. "Like, I have a few of those myself." She talks of this realization as a genuine breakthrough, which is a little worrying for a woman who has sold 40 million records. No shit, she has a "few of those." More of them than Lauper, actually.

More new music is coming along slowly, but I've caught Stefani on a day when the horizon looks closer than usual, and while things haven't quite fallen into place yet, she's feeling more confident that they eventually will. "I'm at the end," she declares. "The idea of going for a session and not being with my kids or the idea of taking time away from Blake doesn't fuel my fire like it did two months ago. I need to decide, wrap it up, put out the project."

Crucially, there's no rush. The album will simply arrive sometime this year, tracklist and title currently undecided.

"You're talking to me at a weird transitional time," Stefani says repeatedly throughout our conversation, which sometimes takes on the cathartic tone of therapy. But having time in the first place is a new feeling.

Bracelet and choker: Dana Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's own, Clothing: Blumarine, Boots: Philipp Plein

NO DOUBT WERE A BAND for nine years before getting on the radio. Enough time for Stefani and bassist Tony Kanal to be in a long term relationship then break up and write a whole hit album about it. All of the Fleetwood Mac drama was resolved pre-fame, which enabled the group to capitalize on the surprise success of Tragic Kingdom singles like "Don't Speak" and "Just a Girl" with a world tour that lasted almost three years. Three more albums followed, and Stefani has reinforced her household name status in every decade since, launching a solo career and multiple fashion lines while never totally cutting the cord from her original musical project.

In other words, record executives have been dictating Stefani's schedule since the mid-'90s. She even sings about it on Love. Angel. Music. Baby opener "What You Waiting For," in which her biological clock ticks like a metronome. Interscope Co-Founder Jimmy Iovine, who discovered No Doubt and continued to work with Stefani on her solo output, was quick to point out that his client's prime childbearing years were also her last opportunity to cross over into pop stardom. And after her first record went number one, it only made sense to lay down some new tracks straight away.

"Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

"I had the baby, the first one, and it was only like eight weeks after I had him, that Jimmy was calling me saying, you've got to go in the studio with Akon," Stefani recalls cheerfully. "Like, Akon wants to work with you. Like, no, I'm nursing my baby. But then I couldn't say no." And then? "We wrote 'Sweet Escape.'" And then? "I went on a world tour." And then? "In the month that I got home from that one hundred and whatever shows it was, I got pregnant with Zuma. So then that was that." (It wasn't. Admittedly: "Then it was like, No Doubt, let's do another record.")

Things are different now: "You can just drop singles and you don't have to put a record out. But if you want to put a record out, you can work on it slowly." But even as she talks of slowing down, speculating that she might not even go on tour after the pandemic ends, in the next sentence Stefani's back to admitting that there's more work to be done, that she wants to write a couple more songs for her new record, "just to make sure."

Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience) Choker: Chanel, Necklaces: Gwen's own, Gloves: Laurel DeWitt, Top: Local Boogeyman

"The creation is the thing that fuels me so much," she says. "Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

Like any good lyricist, she reaches out to her listener, hoping to convey a more universal point. "It's just probably the same for you as a writer," she guesses. "You know, it's the anticipation. You're in it now. You're getting the information. This is what you live for. You're doing the interview and then you're going to write it. And that's going to be the challenge."

GWEN STEFANI WAS PUTTING out diary entry pop when Olivia Rodrigo was still in diapers and Taylor Swift was but a humble Pennsylvania Christmas tree heiress. She struggles to pen lyrics that aren't confessional ("I'm not a creative writer when it comes to like, 'Oh, let's just write a sad song about something that didn't happen to me'"), and occasionally re-traumatizes herself when performing old hits. Return of Saturn deep cut "Dark Blue" triggers "crazy, just horrible" recollections of a past relationship. Even "Don't Speak" felt emotional onstage in Vegas.

But after releasing an excruciating divorce album, This Is What the Truth Feels Like, in 2016, Stefani is back to writing happy songs only. She's getting married, after all. She won't be releasing any of her trademark breakup anthems anytime soon. "Girl," she laughs, "I think I've had my fair share."

Bow: Laurel DeWitt, Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Shirt: Vintage Archive, Dress: Erdem, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani and Shelton's relationship has puzzled some fans. Shelton, a country radio phenomenon, never endorsed Trump in the 2016 election, but he did come close. Earlier this year, he was criticized for releasing a song called "Minimum Wage," about finding small joys during periods of economic struggle, at the peak of a recession.

Is Gwen Stefani a Republican now? She's not offended by the question, or really anything I have to ask. She has been famous for so long that she expects and even embraces scrutiny. "If you're going to be a star, that's what you get," she says. "You know what I mean? You get what you get, and you don't get upset, at all."

As for her politics, it's read-between-the-lines."I can see how people would be curious, but I think it's pretty obvious who I am," she says. "I've been around forever. I started my band because we were really influenced by ska, which was a movement that happened in the late '70s, and it was really all about people coming together. The first song I ever wrote was a song called 'Different People,' which was on the Obama playlist, you know, a song about everyone being different and being the same and loving each other. The very first song I wrote."

One of very few multi-racial bands playing stadium shows for hoardes of American teenangers in the 1990s, No Doubt did very literally embody those second-wave ska principles of inclusion. Stefani even wore bindis and saris on stage as a symbol of cultural exchange with Kanal, who is Indian-American, briefly kickstarting a white girl facial jewelry trend that it's safe to say would not fly in 2021.

Rings (left): Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience)

"The Specials and The Selecter and all those groups, and what they were doing in the late '70s was this whole kind of anti-racism, we come together, Black and white ska movement," Stefani elaborates on the band's founding principles. "And we were sort of echoing that in the '80s when we did it, we were like the third generation of ska."

Ska she's always happy to discuss, but Stefani was brought up to keep her electoral preferences personal, and that rule has held for her entire career. "The whole point of voting, is you have this personal space to feel how you feel," she explains. "I use my platform to share my life story and to engage with people and to exchange whatever gift I was giving. I'm not a political science major. I am not that person. Everyone knows that. So why would I even talk about it?"

"I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me."

It never has been. Looking back, it's weird that "Just a Girl" is so integral to Gwen Stefani's brand. She's never written anything else with remotely the same message, and or publicly identified as a feminist. To Stefani, it's just a song about growing up, and "all of a sudden you realize your gender." It wasn't meant as a protest or anthem: in fact, being her breakout hit, she didn't think anyone other than her bandmates and some local fans would ever hear it.

"I don't even know if I knew what feminist at that time was," she says. "I was very sheltered growing up with my family. I wasn't political. I wasn't angry." Even now: "I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me. Stop talking about it and stop trying to bully everybody about it. Just do it. And that's how I feel like I've lived my life."

WHEN STEFANI WAS GROWING up in 1970s Anaheim, her father got a job doing market research for Yamaha, which required frequent business trips to Japan. He'd bring home Sanrio toys, as well as anecdotes about the Tokyo district of Harajuku, where teenagers were dressing like Elvis, and "taking all these American things and making them Japanese." His daughter was entranced. "He would be telling me these things my whole life, like my whole life. I had a deep fascination."

So when No Doubt played Japan in 1996, Stefani describes, "It was a pretty big deal for me." The tour was the first time she'd traveled outside of the United states, save one trip to Italy when she was 21. "I just was inspired," she recalls. "It's a world away. And at that time it was even further, because you couldn't see it on the internet. I don't think a younger generation can even imagine what it's like to not have access to the world."

From then on, Japan became one of Stefani's biggest career motivations, especially when it came to her solo albums. If she could just write more hits, she'd get to tour there again, see the street style, visit the vintage stores. "If you read the actual lyrics [in 'What You Waiting For?'], it talks about being a fan of Japan and how if I do good, I get to go back there," she says.

In the meantime, she decided she'd bring Japan to Los Angeles. "I never got to have dancers with No Doubt. I never got to change costumes. I never got to do all of those fun girl things that I always love to do. So I had this idea that I would have a posse of girls — because I never got to hang with girls — and they would be Japanese, Harajuku girls, because those are the girls that I love. Those are my homies. That's where I would be if I had my dream come true, I could go live there and I could go hang out in Harajuku."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience, Gold Necklaces: Gwen's own, Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino

Dancers Maya Chino ("Love"), Jennifer Kita ("Angel"), Rino Nakasone ("Music") and Mayuko Kitayama ("Baby") would go on to accompany Stefani for her next two album cycles, dancing on stage and in her videos while also making silent, but very well-dressed, awards show appearances. Kita, who'd grown up in LA, visited Japan for the first time on Stefani's tour.

In a 2006 interview with Blender magazine, comedian Margaret Cho compared the Harajuku Girls to a minstrel show. The backlash against them has been consistent ever since. Stefani, to this day, disagrees.

"If we didn't buy and sell and trade our cultures in, we wouldn't have so much beauty, you know?" she says. "We learn from each other, we share from each other, we grow from each other. And all these rules are just dividing us more and more."

Hello Kitty merch was harder to come by when she was a kid, but in other ways, life felt easier. "I think that we grew up in a time where we didn't have so many rules. We didn't have to follow a narrative that was being edited for us through social media, we just had so much more freedom."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Dress: GCDS, Shirt: Faith Connexion, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani's penchant for rule breaking has always been apparent in her music as much as her aesthetic. Genre-wise, she's a randomista. The chart success of No Doubt's bouncing ska beats felt like an accidental post-grunge-era glitch in the matrix, and it's insane to this day that one of Stefani's biggest solo hits samples "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof, by way of '90s British dancehall duo Louchie Lou & Michie One. That another, "Wind It Up," features earnest Sound of Music yodeling.

"I just make up whatever comes out," Stefani says of her songwriting process. "I don't even know where it comes from. I feel like it just comes from the source. It's not trained, and it's not perfect, it's just real."

She looks back on the Love.Angel.Music.Baby era as unusually experimental and artistically fulfilling. "It was just a really incredible time, and a very creative time. I feel like it was just a really creative project."

STEFANI VIEWS HER CAREER success as mostly a matter of luck. Pop stardom is God-given and mysterious."Because the fact I made it, it doesn't make any sense," she reflects. "It's written in the stars. You know what I'm saying? I'm not the most talented. I'm not the most pretty. I'm not the most smart. None of those things. But I made it, right?"

Clothing: Blumarine, Bracelet and choker: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's Own

Every week on The Voice she watches objectively gifted musicians fail at becoming artists. "I watched people that went through that without seeing their faces, without knowing what color they are. And I chose the ones that pulled my heartstrings. And even though they were so talented, none of them have had careers. It's made me look at myself and even feel even more amazed by the fact that anyone cared or cares."

If all of this is actually so out of her control, then Stefani feels safe stepping back a little bit. "I don't have that fuel in me like I used to, because I already won," she says. And now she has other victories in mind. "Being a good human, a good mother. I want to have a good marriage. I want to be a good wife. I want to win at finding peace. I want to win at finding other hobbies that I'm good at."

But at the same time? "If I'm inspired, I'm going to try to do something with that inspiration." That's the most fun part: whatever else comes after has always been an amazing bonus.

The "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" era, whatever form it may eventually take, isn't a desperate grab at former glory. It's Stefani refusing to evolve for the sake of it. She's poking fun at the whole idea of having to compete with past personas alongside current ones, while acknowledging the fact she's grateful to still be in the game at all.

"You don't know what you're doing," she says, somehow both confident and resigned. "You're a cartoon of yourself at this point, and you don't know what people are thinking. They're wondering, what? Why are you still here? And I'm like, I don't know. They said I could be here. So I'm here!"

Photography: Jamie Nelson Styling: Nicola Formichetti Hair: Sami Knight Makeup: Michael Anthony Nails: Carolyn Orellana Wardrobe director: Marta Del Rio Production: Katrina Kudlick Digitatech: Sean MacGillivray Logo design: Luca Devinu Story: Kat Gillespie

FROM YOUR SITE ARTICLES

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toogoodmusic · 3 years ago

Audio

THE TOO GOOD TEN with Brandon Gorman of Wild Love

With a mission to bring the attitude back to pop music, meet your new favorite band Wild Love. The international band combines singer and songwriter Brandon Gorman from Ireland, guitarist Michael Crecca from New York in America and bassist Saygīn Geçener from Turkey as the three enter a new era of Wild Love. Evolving their sound into a hook-driven pop sound that looks to incorporate their previous sound of lively driven rock without “dropping the guitar” the groups returns with the energetic indie-pop-rock song “I Hate That I Need You.” As the group looks to step “out of the filter” with “no bullshit anymore in their lyrics, sonics or how they present themselves” Too Good Music got the opportunity to ask frontman Brandon about the new era of music, how a chance bus stop encounter led to the band’s formation, their craziest fan encounter and so much more. Check out the full Too Good Ten interview below.

The Too Good Ten. Ten Questions. One Artist. Too Good.

1. Starting from the beginning – you guys all met during a “chance high school bus encounter in Virginia” despite being from all over the world (Ireland, Turkey, New York). What’s the full story there? Did you all know right away you guys would be become a band?

WILD LOVE: The full story is I met out former drummer at a bus stop, but it also stretched out over a few day period. I had just moved to America, and I was invited to a party where I met our bass player Si, but we didn’t talk the whole night. Next day we just happened to be heading to DC for the day with a mutual friend and we just hit it off about music. I told him I was starting a band and needed him to play bass and that was it. We played our first gig two weeks later. I think we did know, because we could sense the passion and there is nothing more attractive than that.

2. Congrats on the release of “I Hate That I Need You.” What’s the story behind this one? How did you decide to release this one as the introduction to the new era of Wild Love?

WL: Thank you, yeah the title kind of says it all like. I was having some issues in a relationship and my internal monologue just slipped out. There isn’t much to it other than what’s there. I’m a fairly frank person and you can tell how I'm feeling by just looking at me, so I definitely have been trying to just channel that into my songs. The song also took about 5 minutes to write, which is slightly annoying because I pour hours of time in songs and half of the time, they are rubbish. Yeah, this one just felt right you know. I think it is a great introduction for what’s about to come from us as a band.

3. For you – what’s one thing you need but hate that you do?

WL: Target honestly and I just can’t stop going, I look for any excuse to go there. I don’t even buy anything, but yeah, I need help.

4. Speaking of the new era – this new music is going to be more pop leaning than the more rock sound Wild Love has focused on. What went into the decision to make this transition? What is it about pop music that made you want to explore it more?

WL: I don’t really think there was much of a decision, it has been the natural progression over the last few years in my writing. I have always been such a huge admirer of Pop music old and new. From ABBA to One Direction to Dua Lipa, it's something that is so undeniably brilliant. I found myself listening less to lyrics and more melodies and I think I wanted to chase those myself. I also felt on the more deliberate side of things that pop music has been lacking an attitude for a while and people also don’t give a shit about rock music anymore because everyone sounds like The 1975. So we found ourselves wanting to go after these sounds and hopefully fill a void that I think is there -- give pop the attitude and frankness that it needs.

5. On September 10th you’ll be playing your first full band, in-person live show with The Foxies in Nashville. What are you most looking forward to for that show? What can fans expect from a Wild Love concert?

WL: Just getting in front of people again. Live shows have been this band’s bread and butter for years, it’s the things that gets us the most excited. So getting into a room with people who are all on the same wavelength and just have this moment with everyone is something we’re clamoring for. You can expect a high energy show. Real instruments being played loud by guys who have watched too many videos of Iggy Pop and Sex Pistols.

FOR TICKET INFORMATION CLICK HERE.

6. What was the biggest thing you learned about yourselves (as a band or individually) from going through the past year and a half in quarantine/pandemic?

WL: I learned that you have to have happiness outside of what you love. Once live shows were taken away, I found myself in a space of really lacking purpose. Writing music was definitely a huge help and something I feel very lucky to have had the time to hone in on, but I needed to find something outside of music that makes me happy. So I hiked more, started going to the gym, and being a more present person in my life and my relationships. So yeah, I learned that I was very much in the music and not in much else.

7. What’s the most memorable (funniest/ craziest/inspiring/etc.) fan encounter you’ve ever had?

WL: A girl we know got our band name tattooed on the inside of her mouth which I think is pretty fucking wild.

8. If you had the ability to headline any music festival or musical event – which would be a dream for you to perform at? What would be your closing song for the event?

WL: Either Glasto or Slane Castle in Ireland. Glastonbury is just so iconic, and it has the best crowd in the world. Then Slane Castle is just a few miles down the road from my hometown. I have been and will be dreaming about both my whole life, so here’s to hoping one day I don’t have to dream. I’d say we would end with “I Hate That I Need You” right? It’s just one of those tunes that you can let loose to.

9. For each member, if you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life who would they be?

WL: For me, it’d have to be ABBA, The Vaccines, Arctic Monkeys, Kelsea Ballerini, and Blur.

For Mike, it’s probably Frank Ocean, Bruce Springsteen, Queens of the Stone Age, Bleachers and Arctic Monkeys.

And for Saygīn, I’d say it’s Dayglow, Tame Impala, Hippo Campus, Jacob Collier and Omar Apollo.

10. What’s the rest of 2021 and early 2022 look like for Wild Love?

WL: Push “I Hate That I Need You,” play some more shows, release new music, and hopefully get out on the road and over to Ireland and the UK. Just excited to get out there and show everyone the new stuff we’ve been working on.

A huge shout-out to Wild Love for the time and congrats on the release of the new single, “I Hate That I Need You.” To keep updated with the group and that upcoming music and shows be sure to follow along by checking out the links below:

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

YouTube

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thekillerssluts · 4 years ago

Photo

WILL BUTLER: GENERATIONAL, DIVIDED

With Generations, Will Butler presents an album with dark themes but eclectic and engaging music.

With Generations, released a few days ago, Will Butler is the third member of Arcade Fire to put out an album this year. Recorded in his Brooklyn studio, Generations is an eclectic work, with varied colours, sometimes closer to the vitaminized punk or the exhilarating flights of Arcade Fire, and other times not very far from cabaret song, a kind of antimony or emotional paradox between the engaging side of the music and the darker themes that are evoked.

In the five years since the release of his debut album, Policy, which served as a sort of tentative premise for the more assertive Generations, Butler hasn’t been idle. He travelled the world as a solo artist, then released the live album Friday Night, went on to design and record Arcade Fire’s Everything Now, travelled the world again, earned a master’s degree in public policy at Harvard, and organised a series of town-hall discussions to debate issues such as police contracts, prison reform, paid sick leave, voting rights, and so on. He also spent a lot of time playing father to his three children.

Sitting on a couch at home in Brooklyn with a mug in his hand, Will Butler is there to talk. Smiling, very comfortable and above all affable, it seems to give him pleasure to talk once again about his album, and to invariably answer the same questions about Arcade Fire that all the journalists ask him…

PAN M 360: During the last five years, you’ve done film, recorded, studied, you are the father of three children… With such a busy schedule, how did you find the time to conceive and produce Generations?

Will Butler: I’ve been building up songs over the last two years, and mostly playing them live when I can, at shows, and figuring them out. I hadn’t had time to sit down and figure out if I was doing another record or not, and last year I knew that I would have time in the summer to sit down with my touring band and record some demos, to see what these songs feel like. So I have a studio in a basement in South Brooklyn, and we recorded for a week, and at the end of those sessions, I was listening back to the takes and said, “this is the record, It sounds great! We have six songs here, we have a couple more, so let’s keep moving!”. So after the band sessions, I would take everything and put that on my laptop and work drafts of lyrics, cross some words, write other drafts… And I did that for about nine months, and the record was done. My last bit of recording was March 9, and then New York shut down on March 14… (laughs). So yes, it was a bit long between the two albums, but so much has happened in the last four or five years. (laughs) Not just in my life, but in the whole fucking world.

I knew I needed a stretch of peaceful time to process all that. And my wife and I, we have an older kid and we had twins two years ago, so you know, all this takes up a lot of brain space! But it was also trying to synthesize what was happening in the world since my last record. 2015 was a year of protest, there was Ferguson and Baltimore and then the election and the shit show since 2016, and now it’s the same thing again, with the pandemic on top… So I was basically trying to figure out how to respond to that with art.

PAN M 360: Who worked on the album with you?

WB: There was Miles Francis (Antibalas) on drums, who has been playing with me for the last five years, Julie Shore and her sister Jenny, who is also my wife, and Sara Dobbs. Everybody sings on this record, and the rest of it is a lot of synthesizers. Miles also took care of the guitars, and I played a little bit of guitars too, as well as some piano and keyboards, and I took care of the recording and producing. I did a bit of everything!

PAN M 360: What are the main themes on the album? It feels like you touch on fatality, despair, but also hope…

WB: Yes, there is a lot of despair on this record, especially in the lyrics. I don’t think there is much despair in the music. The music is always pretty forward-moving. But the songs are the words and the music, so there is always a tension between what your mind is thinking and what your body is doing. (laughs). I’ve always absorbed the lyrics last, so I always process music through my body, and then it ultimately reaches my brain. Besides despair, it’s being overwhelmed, like not even knowing what to do or where to turn or how to begin to formulate an answer to the questions that have been posed, particularly in political life, but it’s the same on the personal side. You know, some of the songs, like “Promised” or “Surrender”, are about friendships that have broken over the years, or have faded or twisted, and not knowing what to do with someone that you love but that has fundamentally lost you. So what do you do with that besides feel bad about the past, or wish that things were different? So both on the political level and the personal level, I was overwhelmed by giant forces, and trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

PAN M 360: There are several shades of sound on this record. It starts out a little punk, and then slides into the indie rock and pop that we know from Arcade Fire, it flirts with Bowie, LCD Soundsystem, to finish with something more reflective, cabaret even, à la Destroyer… It’s a very interesting pacing on this album.

WB: Yes, there is a strong A-side, B-side feel. It doesn’t mean you have to listen to the record on vinyl, I listen to everything on Spotify anyway, but it has a first act and a second act. The first act is a little more urgent, a little more punk, whereas the second act is a little more electronic, and then “Fine” is like the afterword or something, it’s like an author’s note.

PAN M 360: Seems like you’ve worked on your voice since your first album. You seem to have a lot more confidence and emotion.

WB: I think that comes from very deliberately working out most of these songs on stage, learning what the core of the song is. Policy was more something that was created in the studio… I don’t know… I was experimenting. The bulk of Generations is something like, “we’re here, we know what we’re doing and we’re doing it.” As nebulous as the lyrics can be, there is still a musical mission. And I’m a better singer, I guess. From having to sing as a frontman, you just become a better singer (laughs).

PAN M 360: Looking back, how do you perceive Policy, how would you compare the two albums?

WB: Policy, to me, is like a bunch of different characters. Like every song is like in a different suit or skin. This record sonically changes a lot, but it’s still one perspective, whereas Generations has a bit more of a coherent vision. The record as a whole has a bit more of a sonic arc. It’s not a concept record but it’s tied together both sonically and lyrically.

PAN M 360: Would you say that your solo work allows you to express yourself in a way that you couldn’t with Arcade Fire?

WB: Yeah, I think that’s true! But also, Arcade Fire lets me express myself in ways that I can’t on a solo record. Update one is that I don’t write any words for Arcade Fire (laughs). That’s like a very big difference. And there is a slight difference in ethos, and in approaching recording… Generations is a collaborative effort but I’m more the director, and Arcade Fire is more fighting with co-workers, in a creative way. But to me, it’s also like the same project. You know, it’s like Marcel Dzama, who sometimes does movies with Amy Sedaris and sometimes does paintings, but they’re all from the same body of work, a little bit.

PAN M 360: And what does your brother think of your music?

WB: I think he likes it. In the band, we all think we’re all talented. We like each other and we trust each other. So if they wouldn’t like it, they’d tell me.

PAN M 360: How’s it going with the new Arcade Fire. Should we expect a record soon?

WB: We can’t really work separately. We can do a little bit online, but we’re not good at it… So if the virus stays calm, we’ll get back together and be basically on track… It takes us so long to make a record anyway, it takes us a year or a year and a half. The timing has been different, the process has been different, but the process is always different…

https://panm360.com/en/interviews-panm360/will-butler-regeneration/

#Arcade Fire #interview #will butler #generations

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pufflyhallows · 4 years ago

Text

Picks & Pens (II)

Hello! I’m back with another chapter for this one. This AU is so cool for me, I hope you guys like it.

Chapter Two: The Day I Died

Warnings: language

Word count: 2,4k

a/n: I still don’t know shit about press lol

Mrs. Lennox hadn’t e-mailed you in three days. Didn’t seem much time for the outside eye, but you knew it was strange. You hoped there was nothing wrong with the interview, as you had already started working on your questions and also had plans for the extra cash coming in soon. There was a local artist whose paintings had a quite fun twist on pop culture and you liked to support him. Your living room could use some more color too.

Just when you finally had all your focus directed at the writing of your questions, Jessie popped up behind your laptop with a questioning look.

“What?” you asked impatiently, slightly irritated that you had been interrupted.

“You’re too quiet today.”

“I’m working?”

“Must be something really important to make you miss Kevin’s afternoon rage. What is it?”

“Oh, I missed it? What was it this time? The vending machine ran out of peanuts?”

“Nope. The construction site is ‘making too much noise’.”

“He means the construction site ten floors below us?”

“Yeah. You can’t even hear it!” Jessie shook her head. “Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. What are you working on?”

“An interview,” you closed your laptop.

“Ooh… is it top secret?” she wiggled her eyebrows. “Is it an A-List celebrity? Oh my God, it’s Tom Hardy, isn’t it?”

“What? No,” you chuckled. “I’ll tell you when I get the confirmation. It’s a bit uncertain for now.”

“But can you give me a hint? Like… male or female? Actor or singer? Politician, maybe? A TV host?! Give me something, Y/N!”

“Male,” you said. “And that’s all I’m giving you.”

“Male… Hm…” she squeezed her eyes. “Are you sure it’s not Tom Hardy? You know I would definitely pretend to be your assistant and sneak in that interview, right?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t doubt that. But no, Jessie, it is not Tom Hardy.”

“What a bummer. Well, good luck on the confirmation. I need to go back to that puppy coat article.”

“Puppy coat?”

“Yeah, you know… Coats for puppies. It’s quite trendy now in the winter. People still need to take their dogs out for walkies, after all.”

“Please tell me you’re putting pictures on that article.”

“You bet I am,” she smiled. “Comes out tomorrow, probably. Check the website at noon.”

“I definitely will.”

When Jessie walked away, you heard the infamous ding from your computer, announcing a new e-mail. You quickly opened the device again and clicked on the e-mail icon. It was from Brenda.

Mrs. Lennox wants to grab coffee downstairs with you at 4 p.m.

Perfect. Probably an update on the scheduling.

You replied confirming your attendance to the casual meeting and looked at your watch. It was still 3:35 p.m.

Your train of thought for the interview had been lost already, thanks to Jessie and her curiosity, so you didn’t get back to it right away. Instead, you decided to stretch your legs and walk over to Ben’s desk. He managed to make those twenty five minutes pass quite fast, getting a few laughs out of you in the process. When it was time, you got into the elevator and descended a couple of floors to the coffee shop.

You knew from experience that Sophia Lennox always arrived five minutes after the time she set. She hated waiting for people, but she did not want to make people wait for her for too long. Words you heard from Sophia herself. For that reason, you took the liberty to sit at the most discrete table and wait for her inside. As expected, she appeared after five short minutes and sat in front of you.

“Have you ordered anything yet?” she asked, signaling to the waitress that usually served her table.

You shook your head just as the waitress approached the table.

“Hello, dear. One latte for me and…” Mrs. Lennox looked at you.

“A mocha for me,” you smiled at Sam, the waitress.

“Right away,” she smiled back, walking away.

“I could start this conversation with ‘you’re probably wondering why I asked you to meet me here’, but I know you’re smart enough not to wonder. You know this is about the interview,” Mrs. Lennox started. “And let me get this out of the way and say that it’s very much confirmed. You will be interviewing him. The only issue we’re having is his schedule. He’s a very busy man, apparently. Much busier than I thought.”

You kept on listening, not finding that information surprising.

“It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago and he had taken a break from his usual schedule to celebrate. Now that he’s back, there are some things he needs to take care of before even thinking about interviews. At least, that’s what his manager told me.”

“So no prediction?”

“Actually, yes. There is a prediction, but I don’t think you’re going to like it. He will probably be available between the 15th and the 21st of December. Though it’s no guarantee.”

“Oh! That’s like three weeks from now,” you reflected for a few seconds. “And then it will be quite a hurry to write the article.”

“I know… I felt really tempted to pull the ex-girlfriend card, but you’ve asked me not to and I didn’t.”

“What, you think they would make time for it if they knew?”

“I mean, probably. It’s good press for him too,” you looked down after hearing her words. Of course it’s about press. “But all they know is that it’s for SL Magazine.”

Before you could reply, Sam came back with your orders, placing them on the table.

“Thank you.”

As she walked away, you grabbed your cup of mocha and took a small sip.

“So…” Mrs. Lennox cleared her throat. “Can you do it?”

You knew that was a rhetorical question. There was no way you could backpedal now.

“Yes. But I’d really appreciate it if you managed to get me the 15th or 16th. The sooner, the better.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more,” your boss sighed, raising her cup at you before taking a sip. “I will try to get the-”

The conversation was interrupted by Mrs. Lennox’s cellphone ringing inside her purse. She reached for it and looked slightly surprised with the name on the screen. “It’s her.”

“Who?” you frowned.

“The manager,” she slid her finger across the screen and put the phone on her ear. “Hello?”

You grabbed your cup with both hands and took a long sip as you watched the conversation.

“I’m great! How about you? Oh, that’s lovely. I believe it was Tuesday, yes. Not at all! I completely understand. Well… um…” Mrs. Lennox looked at you hesitantly before carrying on. “Yes, that’s her.”

The nervousness and apprehension started kicking in. You found yourself almost squeezing the cup between your hands, waiting for your boss to end that call and tell you what was going on.

“That’s what I’m hoping for,” she let out a business laugh. “Oh, that will get a little rushed, don’t you think? No, no. I appreciate it. Thank you very much, Miss Dawson. Of course. Bye bye.”

Mrs. Lennox placed her phone on the table and took a deep breath. She looked at you and bit her lower lip thoughtfully.

“What happened?” you asked. “It wasn’t canceled, was it?”

“No! Don’t even say something like that,” she shook her head and waved her hand at you. “Well, his manager is quite good. She looked into SL and found out you work for us, so she wanted to know if, by any chance, you would be the one interviewing him. I wasn’t going to lie, of course, and said yes.”

“Oh...”

“Look, I know this isn’t what you wanted, but it is actually a good thing, Y/N. She said she’ll squeeze us in for next week!”

“Next week?!”

“Isn’t it great? I knew they would make time for you.”

Of course, I’m ‘good press’.

“You have started on the material, right?” Mrs. Lennox asked.

“I have, actually. But I’m still doing research.”

“Okay. You’ll have to hurry a little bit. Miss Dawson said next Wednesday is the perfect day, which means you only have about four days to finish it. And keep in mind that I want to see it before you go, so we should have a little spare time in case you need to make edits,” she stopped to take another sip and you accepted that your weekend was going to be wasted on Sirius Black research. “Do you know her, by the way? The manager.”

“No. He had a different one back then,” you sounded more bitter than you intended, and Mrs. Lennox eyed you for a couple of seconds.

“I won’t ask.”

“Thanks.”

“Well… let’s get to work!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a glass of red wine on your nightstand and random music videos from YouTube playing on the TV, you typed question after question on your laptop, sitting on your queen sized bed on a Saturday night. It was going to be a big article. Two full pages with three columns of text each, according to Mrs. Lennox. She wanted the narrated type, with you describing even his motioning hands. It was going to be a handful, but you were prepared. You had done it before. This wouldn’t be any different from the Saoirse Ronan one.

As you went through his discography, you listened to all the songs you hadn’t listened before, which meant most of them. After the breakup, you had stopped listening to his music altogether. You only knew the ones that became hits and played in the radio, gas stations, stores, every damn where. It was quite annoying, actually.

You got to the last song of his latest album, released eight months ago: Love Falls. There was no music video, so you paused the TV and clicked on the song on your laptop’s Spotify to listen to it through your headphones.

The lyrics immediately caught your attention.

Have you cried yourself to sleep?

Have you felt this incomplete?

Have you ever cut yourself so deep to see if you still bleed?

Oh, another angsty song. Great.

Do you ever feel wanted?

Do you ever feel needed?

Do you ever feel happy?

Or are you just like me?

What the fuck is he talking about? He’s the artist of the decade! Of course he’s wanted. If there was something that pissed you off about the music industry was when artists tried to be ‘relatable’ in their songs, even if it meant portraying an image that wasn’t necessarily true.

I’m hanging by a thread, a rope, the noose around my neck

I choke, ‘cause every time I’m falling love falls out of me

Right. What about all the girls he’d been with? Every month there were pictures of him partying with someone different and- Well, actually, that was it. Partying. In your research you realized he hadn’t been in a serious relationship since… you.

I'm hardened like a rock, a stone, the brick inside my chest

Alone, 'cause every time I'm falling love falls out of me

Maybe… maybe he wasn’t trying to be relatable. Maybe he wasn’t projecting a fake image. Maybe he did feel like that.

I'll never forget the day I died

Love memories frozen and denied

Flower of my heart withered and dried

You took a very long sip of your wine and wiped your lips with your sweater’s sleeve.

Love falls out of me

And that was it. The song ended. You had gone through his entire discography, listened to every song and watched every music video. Weirdly, apart from the ones that were released when you were still together, that was the first song that made you feel something. The first one you actually enjoyed. It was a really good song, you had to admit. It was raw and vulnerable, something you hadn’t seen in one of his songs since the first two albums.

You played it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Interesting.”

Mrs. Lennox was reading your material for the interview, with a pen between two fingers, ready to cross out or add a sentence.

You were sitting on the comfy, fluffy chair in front of her table, nervously bouncing your leg as you squeezed your hands together. You hoped she liked what you had prepared because you really wanted to use it.

“Oh, I didn’t know this.” She kept reading, clearly interested. The fact that she hadn’t done any edits yet gave you hope.

A few more minutes went by, no edits, and suddenly she looked up at you. Slowly, she put the sheets of paper down and took off her red cat-eye glasses.

“I’m impressed, Y/N. You really went above and beyond on this. I’m almost certain this is the very first time I didn’t have to edit the material for an interview before approving it.”

“Does that mean…?”

“It’s approved. You can use it. As a matter of fact, you have to use it. It’s perfect!” Mrs. Lennox chuckled. “You go straight to the point and ask exactly what people want to know. Not to mention the small details you’ve picked up on! Well done. This article is going to be amazing.”

You sighed, relieved. “Thank you, Mrs. Lennox. I sure hope so.”

She smiled at you. “And I’m curious to find out the answers.”

“Honestly? Me too.”

“I know,” she nodded, still smiling. “Good thing we won’t have to wait for too long. Tomorrow is the day!”

Mrs. Lennox stood up and handed you back the papers. “You know the deal or should I recap?”

“Please, recap.”

“It’s an intimate interview, as you know. This means that the only people in the room are going to be you and him. All he has tomorrow, besides this interview, is a photoshoot for a radio station or something. It’s supposed to take place in the morning, but it’s likely that it will be extended into the afternoon. And that’s why his manager scheduled our interview for 6 p.m. A little later than our usual, I know, but she’s squeezing us in. It’s not his usual either.”

“Place?”

“His personal studio. He has something to do there after the interview, apparently. Or even during the interview, doesn’t really matter. It’ll still be just the two of you,” she paused. “You need the address?”

“No, I got it.”

“Great! I think that’s about everything.”

“Okay,” you nodded slowly, glancing at the material in your hands. “I should get back to work, then.”

“Actually, Y/N, why don’t you go home? I have nothing for you here.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You don’t have to come tomorrow either, use the day to prepare for the interview. Study the material and rock on! Oh, and don’t forget to call me before you get to the studio. I want to give you my pep talk,” she smiled.

“Sure,” you smiled back, standing up. “See you in two days, then.”

“See you, Y/N. Good luck.”

********

Love Falls by HELLYEAH

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black imagine #sirius black fanfic #sirius black fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #sirius black series #harry potter imagine #sirius black au #harry potter au #random tag

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sierrabinondo · 4 years ago

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2020

damn my last tumblr post is the last day of woodland creatures, did i not do a 2019 wrap up?? i feel like i did. oh well lmao

so, arguably the most tumultuous year in modern history (at least, american history- all pandemic and political events considered) is about to come to a close. it was very not fun experiencing a pandemic as millions lost their loved ones to covid. i was part of the 20% of people that became unemployed as a result of the economy taking a huge dump. i would not want to experience this same year again if it meant that every life lost could be saved. with the year i was given, i made the best out of it that i could.

like every other person on this earth (except for where the virus was already spreading), this year started out normal as hell for me. i was hating my job but chugging through each week, with the occasional show to worry about and then planning our band’s 2020 release plans. despite my salaried job, i was barely making enough to put anything away in savings, forthcoming disney trip aside. i really felt like i was putting in all this work at a full time job just to barely stay afloat and it grated at my soul. i don’t dream of labor, and i only take jobs like this because nothing i am passionate about truly makes money and the marketing jobs i would actually care about are never available to me/never come to fruition after submitting myself for consideration.

disney was a huge highlight of my year despite being deathly sick. i keep wondering if i had covid (i never figured it out), but it sure as hell felt like it. i feel like if i did have it i would have passed it on to jeremiah and his family but i didn’t. i could still kinda taste, but not smell because i had the worst sinus infection i ever had in my entire fucking life. like i know i get them a lot but really, holy shit. i really had it bad. it started when we were in the studio the 2nd to last weekend of february on the last studio day. i had to go back to the studio several months later because i was that unsatisfied with how the vocals came out. i didn’t want to fuck up these releases and have my performance be mid so i was willing to pay to have to re-do everything. i assumed if this was like any other sinus infection, it would go away in a week.

lmao.

i had that infection for THREE WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS. i played a show with that monster sinus infection, and went to disney with it. i went two weeks without meds because i really was convinced it would go away on its own. before we left for disney i finally got antibiotics at urgent care and couldn’t drink most of the trip which sucked. but that finally did the job, and the infection waned when we returned from disney. despite being physically weak, in pain (there was one friday my body pains were so horrible that jeremiah contemplated taking me to the hospital), and leaking snot all over my sleeves the entire trip (LIKE IT WAS THAT UNCONTROLLABLE. I HAD NEVER GONE THROUGH THAT MANY PACKS OF TISSUES IN MY LIFE. I WAS LEAKING SO MUCH I HAD TO LOCATE THE BABY CHANGING STATION IN MAGIC KINGDOM. IT WAS LIKE A SECRET STERILIZED TROVE OF HAND SANITIZER, WIPES, TISSUES AND BABY OIL.) i had an amazing time at disney. and it was my first time going with a significant other so it was incredibly fun. it was also a wonderful opportunity to spend time with his family. the only very not fun part was missing our nephew in the main street parade because some bozos fucked up the info they gave my sister-in-law and we were out walking around when his high school band had actually marched earlier than we thought.

it’s funny, because that weekend after we returned was the last weekend of “freedom” everyone had before lockdown. we were weary of covid while in florida but still living it up on vacation. at that time, there had only been 3 cases in orlando. 3!!!! i had plans to go to a party once home but i cancelled only because i still wasn’t completely out of the woods and 100% well again. i felt so bad cancelling because it was for my friend’s party and she never really did parties usually :( and i thought it wouldn’t be a good idea considering i may or may not have had covid.

then... the following week came.

monday we got a weird email from our CEO saying there was going to be salary cuts and that it was essential for the company to survive a downturn. i pouted but my parents consoled me saying it was better than nothing; maybe look for a new job. and then- i got the nothing! a day or two later, i was let go. and i could tell my manager was absolutely not souped to be giving me this call at all. she literally prefaced it like, “this sucks, but-” and gave me the news. and i was utterly devastated, sobbing controllably, because i was just scraping by on this income to begin with. and i had JUST, finally, received health insurance through this job. i was asked to continue working through friday the 20th, which i would be paid for, and then i would have to return my laptop and any other work materials (like printouts and promo stuff) i had possession of.

that day and the days following i had coworkers calling me or emailing me telling me they were so sorry. i was the first to be let go, and they were kind enough to extend words of encouragement to me. clients i worked closely with, a couple of them around my age, assured me that i could use them as a reference. many of my colleagues were my higher-ups, but were very down-to-earth people. one call that stuck out to me was from my colleague sarah.

sarah was candid with me and said, “y’know how i was unemployed for 6 months?” i knew this well though we had only worked together for a year and a half; it was an important part of her path to where she was in her career now and why she chose it. she continued, “those were the best 6 months of my life.”

and i would come to find out that yes, me too being unemployed was the best fucking time of my entire goddamn adult life.

when i posted i was officially unemployed i had an outpouring of support from my friends, and received enough animal crossing commissions to pay one month’s rent. the first day i finally felt peace was when i was sitting on my porch on an abnormally warm march day playing animal crossing following my last day at my company. it was like the universe was giving me a hug and telling me everything was going to be all right.

what would come was a pretty chaotic couple of months. jeremiah, my roommate and i would stay up until 3 am either watching anime or playing video games, subsequently sleeping until 11 am or noon. pair having fun, drinking (mostly me lmao) and lounging about with the scary realization that thousands of people every day were dying of covid and it could be my high-risk parents. i would cry at night and be so fucking scared. my sibling would tell me my family was being reckless, running unnecessary errands, and whenever my dad showed up to drop off food or necessities i would cry because i couldn’t hug him. i’m even getting choked up thinking about it now. and it was a fear that returned during the second spike around the holidays because it is the loss i fear the most.

amidst this really horrible time, i would play games almost every other night online with my friends and it was so much fucking fun because all of us were either unemployed, furloughed or working from home. we’d laugh so goddamn hard our voices were hoarse. one of my favorite memories is playing quiplash with the creatureposting gang and then my big friends from college. and a really fun night in particular was SIIE release night, i popped a bottle of champagne and got absoluely zonked lmao. every few days i would have something to look forward to, some sort of virtual plans with my friends. this would continue until july when my friends were slowly starting to go back to work.

most of my early quarantine days were as follows: wake up, watch anime, work on commissions for most of the day, order extremely good food for delivery, play video games, and then bed. at one point commissions became so overwhelming i started to get slower at churning them out. though this became a daunting project, WOW it really forced me to become a better artist. and this year i got to spend so much more time drawing, which was fantastic.

one thing i DID NOT spend a lot of time on at all? ugh. MUSIC. FUCKING MUSIC. i barely touched my guitar, stopped writing lyrics after july, and barely completed the instrumentals for about 3 songs. the only thing i consistently practiced was singing (because i would literally curl up and die if i didn’t). do you have any idea how much i blabbed to my therapist in 2019 about how much i would get done if i didn’t work full time and could just focus on my creative endeavors? and then life HANDED that shit to me on a silver platter the following year. i really did nothing insane musically with my time. and now i am really kicking myself for it. if i think about it, it was mostly because i was so exhausted from doing AC commissions, and partly because i was really intimidated about the prospect of struggling through songwriting. now i really wish that i had tried.

one thing i started doing this year was streaming. i originally planned to just do it for fun, because i am horrible at video games and i really didn’t expect much out of it. i thought it would be cool if my friends could watch me play animal crossing. and then i unfortunately learned that this 3rd expensive pasttime is actually really, really, really fun. i started to spend half my week streaming and it led me to either getting closer to some online friends i only talked to a lil previously and making new friends. viewers would ask me if i continue to stream after the pandemic was over, and i enthusiastically assured them i would. and i meant it. even with the difficulties of returning to work and the band playing shows again considered, i really wanted to. i don’t get invited to things anymore anyway, so fuck it if that’s what i stand to lose lmao.

when the curve flattened in jersey i decided to become lenient again and start meeting with my bandmates. we spent the year trying to finish some new material and chip away at what work we have to do for the full length (yes, a full length). we had plans to tour this year and it sucks that fell through. we also had plans to do so much more content during the pandemic and we faltered under the stress of... well, existing in a pandemic. we did finally get to drop a new single though, and the difference in hype now vs when we dropped our last work was incredible. i am so thankful we were able to build an audience with nothing new for two years. i still often beat myself up because god every day i look around me, at our peers, and wonder where the fuck we’ve gone wrong to have such a slow build. and even daily just trying to stand out and prove that we have cut our teeth/deserve a chance is so demoralizing. i feel like it’s even worse than before. i literally have to talk to myself out loud, both alone and during interviews lmao, to remind myself that we truly have accomplished so much. and to take in and appreciate the little positive things. because this could all be over in a second. and this won’t be forever. the older we get the more we are risking for this, both time and resources, and it won’t do to let myself get bogged down over my inner competitive voice. but god it’s hard. like even with new music we still didn’t even TOUCH any of the goal numbers we set for ourselves in may. though we did put out less music than we had planned, and we really hope to change that in 2021 forreal.

there was a single we were supposed to put out this year that’s on hold due to some pending assets but goddamn. if we really don’t break some sort of ceiling with this one i don’t know what will. i have the strongest gut feeling about the next single and in my opinion, it’s the best one we’ve had to date. when we play it at shows, the air in the room sometimes shifts. i’m eager to see what the response is and i’m so ready to push it with everything i have.

fuck this is getting so much longer than i planned i have to try to wrap this up lmao.

with our government stimmy money we turned around and got the dog of our dreams. we figured, i’d be home enough to watch him, and it was finally goddamn time. it’s why we moved into a house and not into another apartment. i was so scared meeting the puppy parents, and totally on edge the entire day. we went out to meet the breeder to test my allergies and see how i would react. samoyeds are not 100% perfectly hypoallergenic, but they were often lauded for being so. honestly? i still didn’t feel confident after two hours with the dogs because the pollen out there was bad (one of my WORST allergies) and i had mysterious hives on my arms i couldn’t figure out where they came from. for months jeremiah and my parents had to calm my nerves and remind me i lived with 3 cats before i moved out (i’m more allergic to cats) and that i would be fine. i had to do a lot of work on myself to get out of my own way about being excited about finally owning the dog of my dreams.

this little fucking boy. i couldn’t believe he was real. neither in the pictures i often looked at about 20 times a day on the breeder’s facebook page nor when we went to meet him. and he was truly, truly perfect. our little shithead. when we went to go pick him out, he sat apart from his puppy pile of brothers, sniffing around the room and trying to rip off his ribbon collar. we locked eyes and he fuCKING APPROACHED ME. i could not fathom any other puppy in the room being brawly. this was the one. we could already tell he was a mischevious smartass, because once he untied his ribbon he proceeded to rip off the ribbons of all the other puppies. but he was the cutest, flopping over on his back when you were near to get belly rubs.

ever since we have picked him up he has simultaneously been the biggest joy in our lives and the most source of stress lmao. that first week, and the next couple, werE FUCKING ROUGH. i had a horrible anxiety attack when i couldn’t calm him for bedtime the first saturday he was home and i was loudly sobbing to jeremiah that i couldn’t handle this shit lmao. he was so scared i was having regrets but i am just a fucking anxious wreck and not used to having a DOG!! this is my first dog!!! but while i can remember what life was like before him i cannot imagine going back. the first time he got sick and we took him to the emergency vet i cried so hard. when he is wagging his tail happy to see me and he looks like a fuckin seal because his ears are folded back it is the best feeling. i’m so excited for when he gets older and we’re vaccinated for covid so that we can take him on so many adventures. he is truly the best.

there is so much more i want to say but this is long as shit. this is even painful for me to read lmao. it’s always been for me, a guy with dogshit memory, to remember everything, but so, so much happened. so i’m gonna wrap up the real descriptive stuff with this.

being unemployed allowed me to just experience life. to wake up each day, enjoy the sun in my backyard, have time to try new recipes, go for long walks, GET A DOG, get better at art, get better at singing, spend more time with friends (virtually), bond even harder with my amazing, beautiful boyfriend, create amazing work with my bandmates, improve at video games, connect with people all over the world, and so much more. all my life i let money dictate my every move. i am insanely privileged to have experienced this but when i had to just live within my means off unemployment i did just fine. i once believed i was perpetually indebted to my employer when i was discarded like it was nothing. i can get a job anywhere and be fine. it strengthened my class consciousness and while i have control over my own destiny it is our country that has so royally screwed us of living the lives we should be living. our lives do not revolve around labor. so until we win the fight and get what we deserve, i will be returning to work next month (full time... in commercial real estate.... again), but i will do whatever it takes to replicate the everlasting feeling of joy i felt this year for the rest of my godforsaken life. if that means struggling for 2021 to build up my twitch channel and the band, working 9 hour days and then streaming/writing music for another 4, so be it. i felt from a young age i was not destined to live a normal life and that feeling has stayed with me no matter how much i have tried to play the game of life as i have been told. i finally have the confidence to pave the life i want.

so, if you are here at this very spot because you read everything, thank you. if you are here because you scrolled to see how long this was, here’s the TLDR of my best parts of 2020:

- tapping out cover

- the 2 shows we played lmao, maybe 3 tops

- disneyworld

- ACNH outside on the porch on release day in warm weather

- making banana bread

- learning how to BRINE meats

- watching anime until 3 am, namely the time we watched pokemon journeys until 3 am

-watching so. much. anime.

-watching livestream concerts with my friends (the chon one was a real good time)

-playing jackbox with my creatureposting friends, the volcano saga (if u know u know)

-playing jackbox with my big friends

-the first time we ever had panchos and juanchos

-finally having sushi again after painful cravings and being grumpy

-the first time we had chinese food again after the lockdown began

-hitting the punching bag for the first time in forever (my dad bought me one)

-the first time we had ramen in forever

-surprising joe with cake at his doorstep for his birthday (we thought he would be the only one with a pandemic birthday lmao)

-playing monopoly and wheel of fortune on the switch, surprisingly having fun

-jeremiah’s birthday

-getting PAID for my ART

-writing + recording ONE (1) acoustic demo

-finally finishing the singles, fixing the vocals

-shooting band promos

-unus annus

-meeting samoyeds

-meeting BRAWLY

-streaming except for the times 13 year olds cyberbullied me

-my birthday when my mom got me a terrifying singing birthday candle contraption and my sibling curbstomped the shit out of it (i was literally crying laughing like that kind of noiseless laugh cause you’re laughing that hard)

- getting the stamp of approval from andrew wells and anthony green

-my friends having their first baby!!!

-dying from thanksgiving charceuterie board

-that week i binged ghibli movies on an hbo max trial and did nothing else

-filling the front porch with plants and most of them SURVIVING the fall, possibly winter but we’ll see in 2021 lmao

- (in general) nailing riffs i fucking sing over and over when practicing but prob won’t get down good enough to sing in front of others lmao

-solo inflatable pool hangs

-thursdays with sarah in the fall playing with the puppy

-the release of the first WSA single in two and a half years

-virtual movie night with sarah watching happiest season

-the music video shoots

-brawly experiencing CHRISTMAS

-receiving really thoughtful gifts from jerry and my parents

-deciding i would work towards being a full time streamer to supplement being a musician

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onestowatch · 3 years ago

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spill tab and the Friends Making Her Dreamlike Music a Reality [Q&A]

Photo: Jade Sadler

From working as a merch manager to becoming a full time artist, spill tab, the moniker of Claire Chicha, has a unique perspective that clearly shines through her music. With the release of seven tracks during quarantine, it’s been an interesting ride for the singer, songwriter, and producer.

Nevertheless, spill tab and her main collaborator David Marinelli have been channeling uncertainty into music, from releasing her debut EP Oatmilk to experimenting sonically on her 2021 release, “PISTOLWHIP.” We got to chat with Claire about songwriting in multiple languages, navigating being an artist during a pandemic, and her newest dreamy release, “Anybody Else.”

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Let’s start off by chatting about your new song “Anybody Else,” which is definitely a sonic departure from your previous release. How did the process of making “Anybody Else” differ from “PISTOLWHIP?”

spill tab: I think, in general, it's always a little bit different. I work mainly with my collaborator, David, and he is just so flexible and talented. We always try to have as much fun as possible making songs. With “Anybody Else,” we were just fucking around with the idea of this ‘70s or ‘80s kind of vibe. I was going through this phase where I was singing like an ‘80s frontman on everything. I just started singing the melody to the chorus and he was like, “Oh, wait, that’s kinda sick, let’s expand on that.” So we kept building it out and then it naturally had the form of feeling like a retro vibe. We didn't want to force it out of that, so we left it that way.

One of the standout elements of your music is the unique production; how do you feel the added production elevates your songwriting?

I think the reason why it works and is additive instead of just present is because I'm working with a really good friend. David is one of my best friends and there’s a lot of trust and time that's been spent together. We just understand each other's tastes and preferences. It makes it so much easier to have a successful session. It translates that the production is a huge part of the song that ebbs and flows with the lyrics and the metering of the words, where it doesn't feel like it's just an instrumental that I top lined.

Tell us a little bit about the creative process between you and your main collaborator, David Marinelli.

We started making music one summer while I was still living in New York but I was in LA visiting. When I left, the only way we could successfully continue working together was sending each other stems. For a long while we would just send ideas back and forth. Like for example, I think “Santé” was just a baseline that I sent to him and “Cotton Candy” was a song that I'd written on the uke and then brought to him. Now that we live in the same city, it's still back and forth but we're just in the same room. It definitely, as a result, made me a better producer. I still track and comp all my own vocals, and I'm getting into the production side of vocals. I think it all came out of the fact that I just had to in the beginning. It's been super rewarding and David has been so supportive and helpful.

Something that stands out about your discography is the cover art, which is so different for each track. Could you tell us about the inspiration behind the single art for “Anybody Else?”

As of recently, because it gets busy, the cover art has come from a moment of, “Oh, shit, we need cover art.” I'm sure a lot of artists can relate. The “Anybody Else” cover art came about when we were editing the video and I got an email from my manager. He was like, “Sick, let's submit the song and the cover art next week.” We were watching that orange scene in the video during the second chorus where the lighting looks so sexy. Jade, my friend who’s a visual artist, said “Why don't we just pull this still for the cover art?” My other friend Gabby is a sick graphic designer, so we sent her a couple of stills to choose from. I love leaning on the women in my life, they’re all so talented. It's such a nice way to get back in touch and catch up with the people that I used to be really close to in New York. Everyone's so busy, but when it's about work it gives you an excuse to spend an hour or two talking.

Since you were the merch manager for Gus Dapperton’s 2019 tour, has that given you a different perspective as a musician?

Definitely yes, but I wish it came from a place of you know, “I'm an artist but I want to be humbled by the work of a day to day industry person.” I was so broke, just out of college, and was blessed enough to get this job offer from Gus and his tour manager Mac. I did not know what I was getting into and it happened to be one of the sickest experiences of my entire life. I was downright shook by how kind, down to earth, and smart everyone on that tour was. It definitely gives you appreciation for every job, no matter how small or large. I feel like artists always get so much appreciation and there are so many harder jobs that get a little bit overlooked. It was nice to get that perspective.

We have to talk about the fact that you write in multiple languages. How is your writing process different when writing in English versus writing in French? Is it different at all?

Since it's my first language, I try to carry my emotions and experiences through the vehicle of the English language. But with French, it's a different tool or paintbrush that I get to paint with. I love the way the words sound, I love the stories I can tell. It’s definitely more abstract, the stuff in French, because it just sounds cooler. French is so sexy and badass and it's so much fun to step into the shoes of a different character.

It's such a flex, being able to write music in two different languages.

Honestly, sometimes I forget that I write in another language. I've not been doing it as much and should definitely, like, get back on my French bullshit.

How has the pandemic impacted your songwriting process and the overall experience of making music?

I mean the pandemic gave me my career in music because, a little over a year ago, I wasn't doing music full time. It was a hobby and something I was aspiring for, but I wanted to tour manage. That's what I wanted to do with the next couple years of my life. And obviously the world stopped, which gave me the chance to just write. It gave me the chance to work a lot with David and hone in on my songwriting and production skills.

Now that shows are slowly starting to come back, are there any venues that you’re most looking forward to playing in the future?

I really love this venue Baby’s All Right in New York. I’ve been to some of my favorite shows at that venue, like Still Woozy. I'm trying to push out that venue at some point.

At this moment, which artist would you want to collaborate with the most?

Alice Phoebe Lou is super tight. I love her songwriting, it’s so haunting and beautiful. She has a song called “Only When I,” which I love. Also, there's this French band called L'Impératrice, they make the sickest music ever.

What's next for 2021? Can we expect a full project or are you just taking things day by day?

Absolutely taking things day by day. I might just move to the Dominican Republic and start a coffee farm or something. I look back to two, three months ago and I’m like, “What the fuck? That felt like a year ago!” It feels like so much is happening at a very fast rate with everything opening up in the world. I have no idea, but I'm excited to see what happens.

#spill tab #interview #marinelli #anti pop #indie #pop #anybody else

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callmeblake · 5 years ago

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JULY 31st, 2019

Frank Iero Reflects on “Barriers,” Growing Up and Making Mistakes: “The Universe Has a Way of Figuring Things Out”

Photos & Interview: Shannon Shumaker

With an ever-changing lineup of musicians and a new band name accompanying each release, rebirth and reinvention are a common theme among Frank Iero’s three solo albums. From 2014’s Stomachaches, which Iero admits initially wasn’t meant to be released, to 2016’s emotional release, Parachutes, which arrived just weeks after the band was involved in a life-threatening traffic accident, each album serves as a snapshot of Iero’s life - something born out of necessity and a desire to create. Now on Barriers, his third solo release with his new band, the Future Violents, those needs haven’t changed, but Iero’s outlook on life has.

More below the cut

Like the two albums that came before it, Barriers wasn’t something that Iero planned on writing or releasing. As he puts it, it was an opportunity that he just couldn’t pass up when the now-members of the Future Violents (previous collaborator Evan Nestor on guitar and backing vocals, Murder By Death’s Matt Armstrong on bass, Thursday’s Tucker Rule on drums and Kayleigh Goldsworthy on piano, organ and violin) suddenly became available. The resulting twelve songs, recorded to tape with Steve Albini, are easily Iero’s most dynamic, honest and fearless work to-date. The reason? Because he wasn’t afraid to make mistakes.

It’s all in the name; Barriers is all about breaking down walls and taking risks, and that’s reflected directly in the sonic landscape and lyrical content of the album. From the hopeful opener, “A New Day’s Coming” and the dark anthem, “Young and Doomed” all the way to the sorrowful “24k Lush” and explosive “Moto Pop,” Barriers showcases an immense amount of growth from Iero, who even admits that the album is his favorite of the three so far. And lyrically, there’s plenty to unpack on the album, whether you’re sixteen and think you know it all, in your mid-twenties and unsure of what you’re doing, or like Iero, in your thirties and finally realizing that you don’t have it all figured out - and that’s okay.

The Prelude Press: You’re out on the road right now in support of your new album, Barriers. Now that it has been out for a little bit and you and fans have had the chance to digest it, what are some of your favorite things about the album?

Frank Iero: I think one of my favorite things is just playing with the people in this band. It’s so rewarding to play with this caliber of musicians, just people that I’ve looked up to for a long time and wanted to be in a band with for a while. And then you know, you work tirelessly on the songs and then finally get to kind of unleash them into the world. To play songs that you wrote together, play them live together, is a wonderful thing.

That actually sounds simple, but the first few records, I didn't get to do that, you know what I mean? Like, I wrote something on my own, for or the first one. I had my friend, Jarrod Alexander, play some live drums on it. But we didn't tour together, so it was like, teaching those songs to new people. And then for Parachutes, that was me, my brother in law, Evan, and our drummer at the time, Matt, but we didn't have a bass player, we didn’t have a full band. So again, we had to teach a newcomer to play the songs. So it always felt like you didn't get to play it with the people there that wrote it and recorded it. So finally, I get to do that, and it feels so wonderful, so powerful. Like, the songs just feel so powerful.

And it’s an actual band now, and not just you.

Exactly, exactly. And how boring [laughs].

What do you think they were able to bring to the record during the writing process? I’m sure they had some input as well.

Oh absolutely. You know, everyone in this band is a very accomplished, talented musician. So, there was no slouch, it was just impressive, impressive. I just always felt like, I've always gotten better as a player when I've gotten put in a room with people that are better than me. You kind of force yourself to reach a new level. And that’s how it went. You know, being in the room, recording together simultaneously, recording live to tape at Electric, it was just everything that this record needed. Because you get this - and not in like a bad way - but it’s almost like one-upping. You’re impressed by somebody and you’re inspired so you want to keep doing that for other people, and it forces you to play at a higher level.

That makes a lot of sense. I think in any art form, if you are challenged or if you have people inspiring you, you’re going to work a lot harder.

I totally agree. On this record too, there’s songs on this record, like “The Host” and “Ode To Destruction” that started with elements of aggression or riffs that Evan brought to the table and “24k Lush” is something that started with Matt. So that’s a new thing too, to have these outside influences come in and we work on them together and make it a full band recording which is really awesome.

So I mean, it’s kind of in the name - Barriers is all about breaking down walls and challenging yourself and doing shit that scares you, so did you have any goals when you first started working on the album, or anything that you wanted to try that you hadn’t before?

Yeah, I think a lot of it. I think sometimes, you grow as an artist and you almost put yourself in this box, or people expect you to be put in this box. I think on this record, maybe even more so than any other that I've ever done, I felt like there were no rules, and I could kind of chase the things that I've always wanted to chase, you know? To write a song like “A New Day’s Coming” or to work on a song like “Six Feet Down Under,” these are styles and feels that I've always enjoyed, loved and wished I could put forth with my own spin on it, but just maybe always felt a little self-conscious or felt like, “Well, you know, people think I should be doing this other thing. Maybe I should just only stick to what I know or what I've done.” So that was a huge thing too, to break down that barrier, and to feel like, “You know what? I can do anything I want to do.” And sometimes, just attempting it and failing is rewarding, you know? But this time around, I think we really did push that envelope and succeeded every time.

Well I will say that having listened to the album a few times, it’s easily the most wide range of sounds you’ve done so far, too.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I think that was the thing too, working with Steve and knowing what to expect with him. Like, I knew that we were going to be able to chase the tones on this record, and not really have to worry about, “Oh no, we have this song that’s kind of half written, we’re going into the studio, we're going to need a lot of time for that.” I knew what the song needed to sound like, I knew what I need to say in it, so the time was really spent on finding the correct sonic landscape for it.

Lyrically, one of the things that resonated with me is, when you’re a teenager or even in your early twenties, you have this mentality of “Oh, I’ll have my shit figured out by the time I’m this age,” and this album is very honest and real, and it’s obvious that you’re still figuring shit out. So how do you feel that you’ve grown with the writing of the album?

That’s a very good question. And that’s the thing, when you’re a teenager, you feel like, “Oh, no, I got this all figured out, I'm good, don't worry about it.” And then, around twenty-one in the real world you're finally like, “Oh, cool, I get to use all this stuff that I know because I know everything so well.” And then at twenty-five, you go crazy, because it's not that way, you know? And then by thirty, you’re like, “Nah, nah I got it figured out now.” And then you start to go crazy a little bit again and you finally realize by your mid-thirties, it's like, “Hey, guess what, I don't know anything, I'm still learning, and that's cool. I'm fine with that.”

I think that that realization that like, our parents didn't have it figured out, either… You’re told to believe that grown-ups have it figured out. You can feel safe now. If you knew then what you know now, you would never feel safe. So to be an adult now, and realize that I’m still learning, I don’t have it all figured out and that’s okay, I think that’s the most comfortable I’ve ever been. It’s okay to not know and to still continuously want to learn. I think that’s when you run into problems, too, even in an artistic sense, is when you’re like, “Oh, nah man, I’ve taken lessons, I’ve played in bands, I’ve sold records, I’m good, I know what I’m doing…” It’s like, fuck you, no you don’t. [laughs]. Once you think you’re done learning, that’s when you die - it’s over, it’s dead.

And you get lazy, and nothing changes.

Exactly, yeah.

So, branching off of that, I know it’s probably night and day, but how have your goals for your music - or life in general - changed since you first started playing in bands to where you are now?

Oh man. Recently, like, in the past three years, I realized how important my time is. And happiness. You know, I used to subscribe to that no regrets thing, and I don’t think that that's realistic. I think it's actually kind of asinine. I think that you should have regrets. I think that living life without regrets is actually not living at all. I think you should get hurt and you should hurt other people, and you should feel sorry about that. You should know what kind of weight words carry, and your actions, and that's the way that you grow as a person.

But you know, I also had this thing in me where I was very much a people pleaser, trying to make everyone happy. I think that as I've grown, I realized that you can't do that, because when you do that, you're you're definitely not happy, and you’ve definitely not made everyone else happy. No one is happy at that point. So you do the best that you can, and ultimately, you have to do what makes your soul feel good, you know? So if you can sleep well at night, then you're doing a pretty good job.

“So you do the best that you can, and ultimately, you have to do what makes your soul feel good…”

That doesn’t mean you’re not making any mistakes.

No, you’re still making tons of mistakes [laughs]. Because we’re human and we have to, and that’s fine. That’s kind of what’s so intriguing and beautiful about us. But yeah, it’s about just spending your time wisely, and spending it with people that you care about.

Is there anything that you wish you could say to your past self?

Oh man, yeah. If I could just let my past self know, like, “Listen, don’t worry so much, it’s going to be okay.” I think I would have had so much more fun. I was definitely - and I still am - always a worrier. Like, oh my gosh, is this gonna work out? I need to know the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing and plan so far ahead that you didn't really enjoy the moment you were in. And I think that's my biggest thing. I wish I had enjoyed it more.

And then the next day you think about it and you’re like, “God, what the hell was I thinking?”

I know. I think that’s the thing - ultimately the universe does kind of figure it out. I had this discussion recently with a friend, and I do think it's kind of true, that the universe has like this roadmap - these signs - right? And artists are the only ones that can really see them. It’s not like we're these amazing creative beings, it's just that we see the things that nobody else sees, and we create from that. You know what I mean? And that’s not saying that you can't just ignore it and deviate from that path, but the universe has a way of figuring things out, and I think that if we were to just kind of be a little bit more calm and feel more comfortable in our own skin, we could enjoy it a little bit more.

You’ve mentioned before that you kind of never expected to do one solo record and now you’re at a third one. I assume that you didn’t plan to write it, and it kind of just happened?

Yeah. No, that’s exactly what happened. It’s weird, you know I wrote the first record not thinking anyone was ever going to hear it. It was really just for me to just have. I was dead set that I was going to do something completely different than music. I was like, “Alright, I did music, I did it with a band, I did everything I ever wanted to do, I’m gonna try something new.” But I just had these songs in my head, so I was going to keep track of them, so that when I become like sixty years old, I can show my kids that I wrote a record. Then someone heard it and passed it along, and before I knew it, there was interest in it, and blah, blah, blah life happened.

Now I’m on my third one, and I think it’s the best one. I don’t know, it’s weird. Again, this does branch off of what we were talking about. Life happens, and the universe kind of just tells you what you should be doing. You can listen to that or not. I’m pretty ecstatic that I did. I don’t know what else I’d do. I’ve done this for my entire life, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, is write songs and have people sing along and play shows. Ever since I was literally six or seven years old, that was my dream. I started my first band when I was eleven, played my first show at thirteen, went on my first tour at seventeen, and now I’m gonna be thirty-eight, so I guess this is it. I guess this is what I’m supposed to do.

“Life happens, and the universe kind of just tells you what you should be doing. You can listen to that or not. I’m pretty ecstatic that I did.”

Yeah, there’s no going back now. I’ve talked to a few people about it, and it’s funny because any musician will say the same thing that it’s shitty and stressful and there are some days where you really want to quit, but it’s kind of like an addiction. You can’t.

Oh totally. For me it’s like breathing. You can’t not do it. You have to create because you have to create. Does it love you back? No, not all of the time, at all. And is everything that you create wonderful and fantastic? Fuck no. It’s not always easy, either, but you still have to do it. I don’t know any other way.

So even if I did, all those years ago in 2014, if I had decided, “No, I’m gonna do something different,” I’d still be writing songs. It’s in my DNA.

So I’m guessing this is a daunting question, but what’s next, then? Do you know what you want to do after this?

I don’t know. I really don’t. Sometimes I think like, a trilogy, that’s pretty good. Go out on that. But you know, who knows what other opportunities will present themselves. I didn’t think I was gonna write another record after Parachutes and the accident happened three years ago, and I was like, “You know what, I can’t do this anymore - I don’t know how to do this anymore.” And then all of these musicians that I wanted to work with for twenty years were free and wanted to make a record, and how am I going to say no to that opportunity? I can’t.

So, what do I think is going to come next? Probably another opportunity that I can’t say no to. [laughs]. Who knows.

STAY CONNECTED WITH FRANK IERO: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Website

Frank Iero and the Future Violents are currently in the midst of a headlining tour in support of Barriers alongside Geoff Rickly of Thursday. For more information, tour dates and tickets, click HERE.

SHANNON SHUMAKER

#frank iero #frank iero and the future violents #shannon shumaker #the prelude press #tunnel pic #navy blue patagonia windbreaker #july 2019 #2019 #interview

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johannesviii · 5 years ago

Text

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2019

The last list, for now. It’s been a wild ride.

Not the best of these lists, but some really refreshing stuff charted that year, and what was good was super good. And also, here’s a barely elligible #1 that nobody seemed to care about for some reason.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

In 2019, my finger was fixed, I dropkicked depression in the garbage bin (with a little help from Eurovision because it was super good and full of hilarious shit), got married, and went on a roadtrip on Vancouver Island (BC, Canada), and that was my first real travel in 13 years. Met a lot of great people, seen amazing places, trees, bears and whales. And planes are also part of the adventure when you’re not used to them (you can watch movies on little screens from your seat now?? I had no idea. I watched so many movies). It was very exciting.

I also saw VNV Nation live in February, for the third time in six years. This time I had enough budget to buy a tshirt. I wasn’t expecting that concert to be even better than the previous two. At that point the new album had only been out for a couple of months and we still knew the lyrics of most of the new songs and Ronan’s face was constantly broadcasting a kind of “...........how” expression (face it guys, we like you. A lot). And they finished with All Of Our Sins and let me tell you, half the club was ready to start a revolution by the time that was over. Super intense.

Ok. 2019 albums! First, let’s talk about some negative things. Coldplay released Everyday Life at the end of the year. It was... uh. It was basically how I stopped loving their new stuff. That’s a very sad conclusion (for now) to this saga. This is exactly what I feared would have happened after Viva La Vida, aka them trying to go back to their earlier sound - except in the meantime we’ve got three fantastic albums with songs full of energy and joy. So I’m not too mad about this, just disappointed.

Within Temptation released Resist, and it wasn’t very good either, but I appreciated the general aesthetic of it. More SF-themed albums in symphonic metal, please. NF released The Search and while I’m still not a fan there’s a song on it that would have been #1 on this list if it had been elligible, so that’s something. And Carly Rae Jepsen released Dedicated and it was super good so why isn’t she getting new hits. Why. It feels unfair. Oh, and Avantasia made Moonglow and that’s the first time I’ve cared about their stuff in like a decade or so. Ghost In The Moon is super good, check it out.

But the big event of the year music-wise, as far as I’m concerned, was the return of two bands I thought we had lost forever. Of course My Chemical Romance reformed, but they don’t have new music yet, so the main event for this post is the return of Tool with Fear Inoculum. It’s not even their best album, but having a pretty good new Tool album in the year of our lord 2019 wasn’t at all something I was counting on. Of course, the hardcore fans are still as insufferable as ever (insert the “you need a pretty high IQ” copypasta here), but it didn’t spoil my enjoyment of it. Come on! Their first album in 13 years! 80 minutes of hypnotic heavy rhythms and weird shit, an album that trolled me when I opened it by playing a music video while I was looking somewhere else (yeah I jumped), and they even managed to land a track for one week on the US hot 100! Again, Tool! On the hot 100! in 2019! Unbelievable. Are we starting to return to the good timeline? I certainly hope so.

Unelligible songs, now. The Search by NF would have topped this list super easily. Might be one of the songs I listened to the most in 2019, actually. Now That I Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen, again, should have been a hit, and I beg you to watch this music video if you’ve never seen it. The 1975 released the super unexpected People, which was still good, and also Frail State of Mind. And most unexpected of all, three artists I didn’t care about at all teamed up and made absolute gold: I Think I’m OKAY, by Machine Gun Kelly, YUNGBLUD and Travis Barker. That would have been the second slot on this list if it had been elligible. Or maybe the first, even? Not sure. I’m just so happy this kind of angry but uplifting music is starting to become popular again. I just love everything about this song.

Here’s a short list of honorable mentions!

Roi (Bilal Hassani) - I don’t like this song a lot, but I do like it, I’m glad it was our song for the ESC 2019, and Bilal is a very nice and endearing person, and everyone who disrespects him on twitter is free to come fight me in the pit, where I’m still waiting with that tambourine from my 1992 list.

Con Calma (Daddy Yankee, Katy Perry, Snow) - You already know I liked the original Informer a lot, so I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pleased to hear this clone of it on the radio.

Breathin’ (Ariana Grande) - Here’s the usual “if I had better taste this would be higher” honorable mention.

Summer Days (Martin Garrix) - In the absence of any new hit song from Macklemore this will do in a pinch.

Circles (Post Malone) - The fact that everyone seems to adore this and I’m over there saying “it’s ok I guess” probably means I will never love Post Malone nor understand the hype about him, and that’s okay, I can live with that.

High Hopes (Panic! At the Disco) - Still elligible. Still good but too borderline annoying to make the list.

How Do You Sleep (Sam Smith) - This year Sam Smith pulled a Viva La Vida and decided to stop making boring music all of a sudden and I’m LIVING FOR THIS. I certainly hope they continue in that direction.

And now, the list.

10 - La Grenade (Clara Luciani)

US: Not on the list / FR: #55

The only semi-filler on the list. I still like it a lot. Don’t have anything to say about it, though.

9 - Panini (Lil Nas X)

US: #40 / FR: Not on the list

Wasn’t too impressed by this at first and it took a while to grow on me, but the chorus is a nice little earworm, and “hey panini, don’t you be a meanie” has a tendency to pop in my head when I read hateful comments on the internet now. And Lil Nas X is just too endearing to be ignored. We’re so lucky to have someone who became famous so quickly and instantly decided to dress like a Jojo character and have the geekiest music videos possible and still be super nice and humble. We don’t deserve this guy.

8 - Dance Monkey (Tones And I)

US: Not on the list / FR: #6

I’m super glad the US are finally getting on the hype train in 2020 because this is a ton of fun. If the voice was juuuuuust a little less grating this would be even higher. Impossible to get it out of your head and somehow in this case that’s a good thing.

7 - Dancing With a Stranger (Sam Smith & Normani)

US: #14 / FR: Not on the list

As I said in the honorable mentions, Sam Smith pulled a Viva La Vida and decided to stop making boring music all of a sudden and I couldn’t be happier about that. This song is still a bit too calm for my taste most of the time, but when I’m in the right mood, it’s just fantastic.

Again, I hope Sam Smith continues in that direction, because if you had told me a couple of years ago that I would start to like their stuff one day, I would have laughed out loud.

6 - Bad Guy (Billie Eilish)

US: #4 / FR: #16

Duh.

I’m not as enthusiastic about When The Party’s Over as a ton of people are, mostly because, well, it’s a slow emotional song with little to no colour in it and by now you’re already aware I tend to have next to zero interest in that kind of songs. Bad Guy, on the other hand, is half hilarious half scary in equal doses, and even if I’m not super fond of the weird outro, it’s still a fantastic, weird as shit song, and I’m really glad Billie Eilish exists. Can’t wait to see where she goes from there.

I’m super glad this song didn’t come out when I was a teenager myself though. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I would have survived if the musical landscape from 16 years ago had been as depressed as it currently is. Thank god music is slowly getting more energetic again in 2020. Let’s stay on that track.

5 - Hey Look Ma I Made It (Panic! At The Disco)

US: #61 / FR: Not on the list

I follow several music critics on youtube and over the course of 2019, I’ve seen undiluted vitriol and hatred against this song (Spectrum Pulse even made a list of his “worst hit songs” of the decade and put this one at #10! TEN!!). And... I don’t really get where it’s coming from? Maybe I’m too literal-minded to see what the problem is with a sarcastic song saying “look I sold out and now I found success again! And it’s not that great!”. I just think it’s a lot of fun. Thank god Todd put it on his best list, at least we can agree on one thing for once.

It is hilarious that after putting so many Fall Out Boy songs on my lists, the one that I love the most from Panic! is the sellout song. Not sure why this was huge while the even better Say Amen wasn’t, though.

4 - Sunflower (Swae Lee & Post Malone)

US: #2 / FR: Not on the list

I usually don’t get the “chill” songs that tend to be successful these days but this one, unlike most Post Malone songs (bar Circles), has lovely pastel colors and a cloudy texture and it’s a really good vibe. It took several months to grow on me but it sure did.

In about ten years, people will listen to Sunflower and be submerged by nostalgia, mark my words.

3 - Old Town Road (Lil Nas X)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (see, everyone agrees for once)

Everyone on the planet already wrote a thinkpiece about this song and yet I’ve only seen maybe one out of five mentioning, just in passing, that the entire song is based on a Nine Inch Nail track from Ghosts I-IV, superbly re-used to make a weird and insanely catchy country hip hop song out of it. Ghosts has been one of my go-to albums to listen to while I’m painting for about ten years now. I’m saying all this because hearing a track from Ghosts on the radio for months was absolute bliss for me, especially in a new and improved version.

Thank you Lil Nas X for everything you’ve been doing and I wish you a long and successful career. You deserve it. I love this and I love you.

2 - Bury A Friend (Billie Eilish)

US: #73 / FR: Not on the list

Hello again, Billie Eilish.

This song is absolutely terrifying and that was before I even saw the music video. This is the soundtrack of your nightmares right there. I’m not even sure it deserves to be so high on the list, but frankly I’m too terrified to care. Maybe Old Town Road should be higher. I don’t know.

Also you have to know that when I’m super tired I go into echolalia mode and automatically repeat words or entire sentences that my brain considers interesting, like “potiron” (pumpkin) or “dramatique” ; and recently, my brain decided “when we all fall asleep, where do we go?”, sung exactly like it’s sung in this song, was its new favorite sentence. So. Hearing yourself saying that to an empty room while you’re drawing or folding clothes or cleaning plates is not a very pleasant experience, and it makes this song extra scary to me.

And now, here’s the last #1 of the last one of these lists (for now), and I’m glad to announce it closes this series of posts in a super fitting way.

Check this out. It’s so perfect in every way.

1 - Walk Me Home (Pink)

US: #99 / FR: Not on the list

Nobody seemed to care about this song over the course of 2019, and it's barely elligible, and I still have no idea why. The music reviewers I follow only either talked about it super briefly when it came out, or not at all. The rare ones who were making top 100s at the end of the year instead of top 10s usually put it somewhere in the middle of their lists. And yet it’s the elligible song I’ve listened to the most.

If you’ve been reading this series of posts for a while now, you probably already know exactly why it’s here, but here’s a quick recap.

The second album I ever bought in my life was Pink’s Missundaztood in 2002, and I loved her music a lot:

I was still really fond of her stuff in 2007:

Then she started to become less interesting and I basically ignored her apart from a brief blip on my radar in 2017:

Meanwhile, in 2012, fun. made some of the best songs of the entire decade before vanishing instantly, and I’ve been mourning them ever since:

And in the middle of last year, here I am, listening to the radio, and suddenly I hear something that sounds exactly like a fun. song, except I’ve never heard it before and it’s sung by a female singer, and, most importantly, it’s 2019 and fun. broke up more than six years earlier. And I’m like, what’s going on. This is so good. What the hell. What is this.

And I hear it a second time weeks later, and I google it, and I discovered that 1) it was Pink singing this, which made it my favorite Pink song in literally more than ten years, and 2) it was, indeed, written by one of the guys from fun., among other people who’s influence is less obvious.

I guess the main lesson from 2019, between newcomers making great music based on dead trends, old groups reforming, and this song, is that nothing’s gone forever, and things you used to enjoy can come back at the most unexpected time and in the most unexpected form.

There’s always, always gonna be new music to love, and it’s just a question of time.

Quick note

And with this, these lists are over... for now.

I don’t regret making them even if they were a ton of work, because that was super useful for a lot of different reasons.

They helped me get a better understanding of my own life’s chronology. That may sound stupid but I tend to link events to the music I was listening to at the time, and putting all that music in chronological order helped a lot.

I rediscovered a ton of songs I had completely forgotten about, and a lot of new ones. My playlist is much richer now and I’m happy about that.

I also discovered a few artists I knew nothing about.

It forced me to analyse two depressive episodes in my life and just because everything was now in exact chronological order, it accidentally helped me pinpoint what caused both of them. Better and cheaper than therapy. Impressive.

It made me realise how important some bands and artists had been in my life, and I relistened to some of their catalogue while making these lists. For some it was really obvious (Indochine, Placebo, Mylène Farmer, My Chemical Romance among some others), and for some others (Moby, Linkin Park, Mika in particular), it was a real surprise.

It made me realise that Placebo might have been huge in France but weirdly enough not that huge in the UK nor in the US. It’s especially striking when you look at their wikipedia page in English then in French and realise how detailed the French one is compared to the English one. Can’t believe Sleeping With Ghosts was a n°1 album here and basically nowhere else. That was the band where that discrepency was the most obvious but it wasn’t the only one like that. Really puts stuff in perspective.

It also helped me realise how cyclical popular music is. 1) trends tend to die near the end of every decade and the worst year is usually somewhere between the 8th and the 9th year. 2008 and 2018 tend to confirm this. 2) For the same reason, some new & interesting stuff appears at the beginning of every decade, and reaches its high point of quality between the 2nd and 4th year of the decade. 3) Basically I’m saying we’ve now passed the lowest musical quality in recent memory and 2022-2023 will have some exceptional music.

See you in December 2020. I have no doubt there’s a ton of great music coming up in the near future.

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #the last one #I can't believe this is over #I loved making these lists #spider tw #eye contact tw

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howtolistentomusic · 5 years ago

Photo

Dear people that think the Goodwill wants to sell your Ziploc baggie of used crayons: it doesn’t. That shit goes directly into the trash, right on top of your broken furniture. Surely you mean well when you donate, say, an old dresser with a busted leg. But good intentions can’t magically transform a ragtag crew of temp agency employees into proper handymen.

If, however, you need an informed opinion on one of those homemade mixtapes that sometimes find their way into the warehouse, I might be your man.

Once upon a time I managed to con my way into the world of online music writing. As one might expect from a blogger haughty & naive enough to write under the banner How to Listen to Music, many of my insights have aged terribly. But I was constantly learning from the best critics, journalists and bloggers in the field and HtLtM was gaining steam before my fragile discipline collapsed under the weight of increasing visibility. I still believe deeply in the merits of the template I created to analyze songs on Youtube, which was unlike anything on the internet before or since. Maura Johnston seemed to like it, at least.

And yet I failed miserably at turning these creative endeavors into a sustainable career. So here I am, handling donations at my local Goodwill warehouse for minimum wage. Today old man Kenneth and I are inside the container, which is the detachable part of a freight truck the drivers dump on the dock for the roll-off team to unload. We’re placing the donations on the open edge for the guys outside to grab and toss into gaylords. Yes, the thick cardboard boxes with an open top we place on pallets to store donations in are called gaylords. And yes, my coworkers think this is hilarious. Death, taxes, and “they’re calling you!” from one roll-off laborer to another every time the term is overheard.

***

“You dropped this,” Kenneth says as he hands me a crate of CDs.

“If there’s no Justin Bieber, it’s not mine.” I say.

“You better cut that shit out!” David says.

“He’s joking,” Donald tells David.

I laugh.

“I know you!” Donald says.

“Dude, I’m a poptimist.”

“A what?“

Let’s start by pointing out that it’s a hell of a lot easier to be an "authentic” artist, as a certain orthodoxy of criticism dictates one should be, when your very existence isn’t under constant attack. You’re in luck, straight white dudes! Again. What a coincidence.

Poptimism basically says nay! to all the noise. The Beatles go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Gaga goes to Mars to get more candy bars. Or college, I suppose, if your childhood sucked.

“It means I listen to pop.” Among many other genres, to be very clear. “Top 40. All the stuff you guys probably hate.”

“Bullshit!” Donald says.

I don’t know who he thinks I am but it’s clearly someone much, much cooler.

“I thought you were smart!” David says.

“Am I no longer smart if I listen to Justin Bieber?”

“Nope!” says Kenneth.

“Oh shut up!” I say to the grizzled geezer. “Go jack off to Creedence.”

“I’d rather get gang banged by CCR than listen to that little homo.”

You heard it here first. Listening to Justin Bieber: gayer than being gay!

“Really? Justin Bieber?” David says. “Wow. You think you know a guy.”

“Any recommendations?”

“Marvin Gaye! Stevie Wonder! James Brown!”

What’s Going On. Songs in the Key of Life. Think. These are all stone cold classics. I have a healthy respect for these artists but they aren’t in my regular rotation.

“Those guys are before my time. If we move up a few decades, I’m totally there. New Edition, Boyz II Men, Soul 4 Real …”

“Now we’re talking!”

“Bieber’s better though.”

David throws up his arms in wild exasperation, as if his favorite sports team just botched an important play. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m trolling him.

To be clear, I do indeed listen to Justin Bieber’s music. “Baby” is catchy as hell, and the song’s DNA can be heard in other notable pop releases from the era such as Katy Perry’s blockbuster Teenage Dream and internet darling Carly Rae Jepsen’s Kiss. I also like “Never Say Never” if only for hearing Jaden Smith say “No pun intended / was raised by the power of WIll.” And for an album created by a former child star falling apart at the seams, Purpose has no business being as good as it is. Stand-out track “Love Yourself” contains the immortal roast “My momma don’t like you and she likes everyone.” And with its heavy utilization of short, staccato notes and sudden, dramatic rests, the song is my favorite example of a distinct style of guitar playing favored by many male musicians. Such “cool pauses” give these songs a slightly broken, incomplete feel that mirrors the artist’s self-assured “deal with it” tone and I love it.

Even Carlos, my arch enemy, likes “Love Yourself”. A while back we were inside the warehouse creating pallets of our best furniture to be sent to proper Goodwill retail locations. Supervisor Anna miraculously felt like hearing some contemporary hits that day and had the building’s three radios tuned to Live 105.5, our local top 40 station. “Love Yourself” played.

“This is Bieber’s only good song,” Carlos told me. He tried to sing along but quickly lost the words. “Sing it!” he said. “I know you know it!”

I wasn’t sure if I should be offended by being stereotyped or impressed by his accuracy. Nonetheless, it was true! I did know the words! I picked up where he left off.

”‘Cause if you like the way you look that much / Oh baby you should go and love yourself / And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’ / You should go and love yourself.“

It wasn’t a particularly strong vocal performance but Carlos, somehow, was awed.

“Daaaaaaamn!” he cooed. It was perhaps the only time I ever impressed him.

Carlos, in case it wasn’t clear, is an asshole. He’s the type of open misogynist that progressives, in our insulated internet bubbles, are shocked to realize still exist. My masculinity isn’t up to par with his standards and he likes to torture me because of it.

Carlos is off today but there’s a small part of me that wishes he was here. He’d have no trouble buying the fact that I listen to Justin Bieber. At the same time, I know I need to be careful. After all, Bieber is far from my favorite musician. But I can’t help it. Playing Bieleber is such a fun and easy way to rile up my coworkers.

“You need a lesson in quality, my boy!” David says.

“I’m all ears!” I say, but he just shrugs.

If I wanted to be really mean, I could point out that David just might be the true Bieleber in roll-off. See, David the Bieber-hating quality expert is the same David that sometimes drops me off at the bus station after our shift ends. More than once on these trips, a Justin Bieber song played on the radio. Did he change the station? Nope!

David seems to be harboring a lot of hate for a musician whose songs he doesn’t even recognize. This doesn’t surprise me, of course, because Bieber hate is barely about Justin Bieber.

Leonardo DiCaprio. Robert Pattinson. Zac Efron. Boy bands. The Biebs. Celebrities like these are cut from the same cloth in that they’re overwhelmingly attractive in a way that draws ravenous, predominantly female fanbases. In turn, this provokes intense contempt and ridicule from traditional dudes everywhere. This is bullshit. It’s retaliation against open female desire that, in an affront to their entitlement, isn’t directed towards Man McAverage.

Evoking “quality” is no exemption from these kinds of considerations. Many people treat the word as if it’s an objective and universal set of standards everyone intuitively understands but this is nonsense. Quality is more like a self-shaped hole we attempt to carve into the world, both encompassing and reproducing our ideals, desires, prejudices, etc. It sure as hell doesn’t explain itself.

I’ve been immersed in the world of music writing for a long time. My favorite publications tend to be ones that upend the very idea of quality. The Singles Jukebox gathers a variety of writers to weigh in and score the same song, and reading wildly different takes on what makes art good or bad is enlightening. One Week // One Band achieves something similar by inviting a different writer (sometimes a professional, sometimes not so much) to take over the blog for a seven-day deep dive into a musician they love, with “no rules and no canon” dictating who that musician can be. And then there was Hipster Runoff, the defunct but brilliant meta exploration of taste and identity that often delved into the ingredients of quality that we don’t like to talk about.

I think I ‘like’ them because they are differentiated from 'traditional music’ and 'modern indie music.’ When I listen to them, I exist on a higher plane of musical appreciation and consume products for 'all the right reasons.’

- Carles, the voice of Hipster Runoff, on Animal Collective

Quality shouldn’t be a Get Out of Bullying Your Co-Worker Free card. But after a lifetime of living with what is often considered bad taste, I’ve learned to be on the offensive just in case.

Try harder, fuckers.

#minwagepop

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preface2adreamplay · 5 years ago

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Under Your Spell (Part 14) - Morning After You

Summary: A Jared Padalecki/OFC/Oscar Isaac fiction.

Stef is a musician, recently gone solo. Happy with her life as a forever single person until Jared makes it his mission to get close to her. Her ex, Oscar isn’t sure what to make of her new relationship. Should he step in or leave her be? (For the purpose of this fiction, I have liberated some lyrics from various artists and their videos. This is fiction, with real people mentioned.) Married Jared, single Oscar!

Chapter warnings: Cursing

Chapter WC: 1,928

You doubt and you're desperate, you wear both your cross and your hammer.

Reactions to Twin Flames had been better than she could have ever imagined. The distraction of Jared visiting kept her away from the anxieties of releasing another new song. He had left an hour before the bus pulled away, holding her face in his hands, kissing her like he would never see her again. She missed him already. Already pining for him. He felt the same.

As she made her way across state lines, texts were coming through from everybody she knew.

Jared: I miss you so much. I keep watching this video, wishing we were making it all over again.

Stef: Making the video or making love

Jared: Both :)

Claire: My god, that video is hawt. Brendan misses you, he’s being a douche rn.

Darius: Mom, that video is amazing, I’m glad I didn’t have to see dad doing those things to you though. Warn me if the next one will be that graphic pls.

Oscar: I was not expecting the video to be like that. It’s both beautiful and confusing.

Stef rolled her eyes. She could just imagine Oscar’s brows furrowed, thinking over the video.

Stef: It’s past demons coming for me. I’m allowing them to devour me so I am reborn. I thought you’d be happy for me. Growing up and moving on.

Oscar: So happy for you. x

Several messages popped up from Jared while she drank her third coffee that morning.

Fuck

In trouble

They were Paps

Gen angry.

HELP ME

Stef snorted with laughter. He was really panicking.

Chill. I’ll put something up on my twitter about us hanging out, it should take some heat off.

Sure enough, it did. Stef had posted a short tweet about Jared coming to NY to celebrate the release of the song. She tagged her bandmates too. Mentioning that she would see her fans at the next show in Pittsburgh.

Two more shows in Canada, then home.

Just before she stepped on stage that night, she shot off a text to Jared.

Stef: Everything ok now?

It was hours before he replied.

Jared: Still in trouble, will call you later.

They were travelling again, hitting the road as soon as the show was finished. They all stank of sweat and beer. Luckily, they were staying in a hotel the next day. Her phone, on silent, flashed with Jared’s name across the screen. Keeping her voice low while the guys slept, she answered, her heart hammering in her chest.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey you,’ his voice just as low as hers.

‘What’s going on?’

‘Oh, just, Gen not happy we got caught. Photos of us on some gossip website. Did you see?’

‘Nah, I don’t care much for them. I didn’t have food on my shirt did I?’

Jared snorted, the tension easing as he laughed. ‘No. Gen showed me the photos but I told her not to look. We were just having lunch.’

‘Well, don’t look at comments on anything right now, it might upset you.’

Jared sighed heavily. ‘I hate that I’m getting in trouble over this. Can’t I just see my girl without someone else putting it out there for everyone to see?’

‘That’s kind of part of the agreement, honey.’ Stef yawned. She couldn’t help herself, her mind and body were achingly tired.

‘Yeah, but I broke the rules by going to see you.’

‘What rules?’

‘Well, we date other people when I’m away working. And I’m not working right now, I will be in a week or two but yeah, I may not get to see you all too soon. I’m sorry.’

‘What does that mean for us?’ Stef swallowed a lump in her throat.

‘Nothing baby, I just have to put my energy into my family right now. The kids missed me and I missed them. They’ll be back at school soon...’

‘So, I’ll be put on the back burner.’

‘Nah not like that. Come on.’ He pleaded.

‘It is like that. It’s what we signed up for. It’s not like you’re leaving your wife for me, you have to work between the two of us.’

Jared was silent on his end of the phone, it made Stef feel uncomfortable, she really didn’t know how to move forward in the conversation.

‘If that’s what you still want,’ Stef said, her voice lower that before. Her fingers winding into her hair nervously.

‘I always want you. Never think that I don’t.’

‘But you want to take a break from us for a while?’

‘I don’t want to, but it looks like we have to.’

It wasn’t final, but it felt like a kick in the gut.

Stef couldn’t agree to it, couldn’t say yes or no or fight with him.

‘Stef?’ His voice came through, she could hear his longing.

‘Yeah, it’s fine.’

‘No, it’s not. It’s not what you wanted. You told me you didn’t want this to be for everyone else, it was just for us and I promised you that. I said it was just for us. I fucked it up.’

‘I wouldn’t take it back though.’ Feeling as though she couldn’t punish him for everyone else’s reaction to it. It seemed so simple all of a sudden.

‘No I don’t regret a single thing. Maybe I just need to be a little more careful.’

‘We need to be more careful. I don’t want to talk about shit I know nothing about but I hope your wife isn’t too upset about this.’

‘Yeah well. I’ll have to work to get back in the good books.’

‘Good luck with that!’

Jared hummed on the other side of the phone. ‘You know what will get me through the next few days? A picture of my girl.’

Stef smiled. ‘Of me now? I look horrid after the show.’

Jared chuckled, ‘Impossible. And send one to me tomorrow too. I need my fix.’

‘Are we talking kinky pictures or...’

‘Well, now that you mention it, the idea is in my head.’

Stef bit her lip, curiosity taking over. ‘Maybe I’ll take a sexy picture. You’ll have to wait and see.’

‘Oh, baby don’t make me wait.’

‘He complains! After having me several ways yesterday.’

Jared whimpered. ‘I’m touching myself through my pants right now.’

‘Behave,’ she scolded playfully.

‘I can’t! You make me feel desired.’

‘Hey, can you not quote my lyrics to me!’

Jared started laughing then, feeling the funk of the last few hours draining away. ‘You make me feel so much better about this whole situation.’

‘It’s nothing, Jared. You can move past this. And I’m here until we decide otherwise.’

‘You mean if we decide to break up? Which we’re not.’ Jared pressed, ‘we’re not are we?’

‘No.’ Stef said with finality.

There was a voice in the background, she heard Jared pulling the phone away from his face.

‘I gotta go.’

‘Ok, good luck.’ Was all she could say before she heard his weak ‘goodbye.’

***

‘Brendan! My little douchebag, you miss me?’ Stef was kneeling on the floor of Claire’s hallway. Brendan was rubbing himself against her legs, annoyed that she had left him and happy that she was back. He couldn’t decide to be excited or just ignore her completely.

‘He was good for most of the time, but he destroyed some shit, as usual!’ Claire spoke to the cat, not Stef.

Sitting on her back porch in the bright autumn evening, hands around a strong mug of green tea, Stef gagged with each sip. She hated the stuff, but it was all Claire had.

‘So you hear from Richard at all?’ Stef didn’t want to the conversation to get on to Jared. They hadn’t spoken in three days and she missed him desperately.

‘Yes! Oh my god, we went out last week, that guy is sooooo funny!’ Claire exclaimed.

‘So, have you fucked him yet?’ Stef asked, remembering Claire asked her the same question about Jared.

‘I did, actually.’

‘And?’

Claire was beaming, ‘that guy is amazing in the sack. He’s amazing anyway.’

‘Woah, Claire. This is starting to sound like love.’

Claire rolled her eyes, ‘maybe. Oh my god. Listen to me.’

‘You’re gushing about a man!’ Stef couldn’t disguise how happy she was for Claire.

‘I’m seeing him next week too, he’s working on Supernatural so I get to see him and go on set.’

Stef’s heart sank a little, thinking of Claire on set meeting everyone again. Meeting Jared.

Claire nudged her, ‘You’re coming too, you know! I’m not walking on set by myself.’

‘Am I going? Jared hasn’t asked me.’

‘Shush, Richard said he would arrange it with Jared so we can go for dinner. All of us. All the cast, so it won’t look too suspicious for you guys.’

‘That’s nice of him. So he knows about me and Jared?’

‘Yes. And he’s totally cool with it. He said it’s also cool if you want to join us for a threesome.’

‘Oh tell him yes, right now. Tell him I’m ready and waiting.’

Claire clapped gleefully, ‘Oh he will be so happy. He’s always wanted to have a brunette and a redhead at the same time.’

‘You know, if I weren’t seeing Jared, I might even consider it.’ Stef imagined herself rolling around in the sheets with Richard, she bet that guy could fuck.

‘You’re not exclusive are you? It’s more of an open thing, right?’

Stef considered it for a moment, ‘I guess it is. But, I don’t think Jared would be too happy with the thoughts of me and Richard. And you!’

Claire shrugged, ‘As if he’s not sleeping with is wife too.’

‘Please stop, I don’t want to think about it!’ Stef put her head into her hands.

‘Sorry, but he does. That man has a good thing going. Two women on the go.’

‘Am I foolish, Claire? Tell me truthfully.’

Claire reached over and placed her hand in Stef’s. ‘We have been friends for so long, I would tell you if I thought you were being an idiot, in an instant you know I would.’

Stef nodded, agreeing.

‘To anyone on the outside looking in, yeah you could be a little foolish. But this is what you want and it’s what he wants. It suits you both. You’re enjoying it now.’

Claire kissed Stef’s hand. ‘So stop thinking too much on it. Just enjoy the love and attention of a good man with a good heart.’

‘You’re right.’

‘Of course I’m right.’

They fell into silence, thinking of the men currently occupying their mental space.

‘He has a huge dick doesn’t he?’ Claire mused.

‘Totally. And Rich?’

Claire sighed happily, ‘it’s as big as his personality. God, that man is made for me.’

‘Oh I told Jared I would send him a selfie.’ Stef pulled her phone from her pocket.

‘No, let me take it. Pose sexy,’ Claire grabbed the phone and typed in the pin code.

Stef leaned back against the rail on the porch, her hand in her hair. licking her lips. her gaze cast down.

‘Pull your tits out a bit, perfect.’ Claire showed Stef the photo before whipping it away and texting it to Jared.

‘Bitch, I can send my own messages!’

‘Yeah but you’ll put something boring. Let me.’

Stef laughed, covering her face with embarrassment seeing the picture that was sent to Jared with the tag line. ‘This pussy is so wet thinking of you.’

Brendan was in the lower half of the picture drinking water from a flower pot.

CHAPTER 15

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all-the-love-harold · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter 9 - Everything Begins with a Heartbeat

Chapter 9 is here! @lovesmelikebrandnewstarlight deserves a special shoutout for helping me out with the title this time and for being the most supportive friend ever. Let me know what you think about what’s going on with Harry and Poppy!

Chapter 8

Master Post

May 12th 2017 – 5 Weeks

5:00am

“Poppy wake up, it’s album day, wake up” Harry said softly into her ear as she stirred a little, hiding her head under the pillow. “Come on love, you’ve got work today,” she lifted her head, and looked at Harry

“Fuck you for releasing your album on a Friday and making me go into work” she said in a croaky sleep ridden voice

“Soz” he pulled the blankets off both of them and jumped out of bed “I’m going to make us coffee, you can get dressed”

He walked out of the room and Poppy rolled back over, groaning loudly and pulling the covers up over her head. She was excited for Harry, she really was, but it was early and she wasn’t supposed to be working on Friday’s any more. She heard Harry’s careful footsteps heading towards the bedroom and she slowly sat herself on the edge on the bed, moving her hand towards her stomach.

“Everything alright love?” Harry said as he walked back in the room, seeing her holding onto her pregnant belly

“Yeah” she said, ever since her doctor’s appointment last week, every little symptom stressed her out, from morning sickness to headaches. She was paranoid that she was going to lose the baby and she wanted to do everything she could to make sure that didn’t happen, and so did Harry. “It still doesn’t feel like this is real H”

“It will feel real after your scan next week” he handed her a cup of tea “drink this”

“Thanks” she said grabbing the cup and taking a sip “Oooh” she remembered the gift she bought for Harry “I have a present for you”

“For me?” he said surprised “Why?”

“Because you made a killer album and I’m proud of you” she stood up and opened her wardrobe, leaning down to find where she’d hidden the gift. It wasn’t much, a new journal because she was sick of the sight of the old one, and she thought a new era for Harry deserved a new Journal to write things down in, and a kiwi fruit, because that song had taken on a new meaning since she found out she was having a baby. Poppy handed him the gift bag and he unwrapped the journal first, untying the string and opening it, reading the message she wrote him on the inside cover.

“There’s always more songs to be written H, can’t wait to hear them”

“Thanks Pop, can’t wait to play them for you” he smiled

“There’s more in the bag” she gestured towards the bag as he opened it again

“No there’s not?” he handed her the bag and she looked inside, she must have forgotten to put the Kiwi in there when she got back from doing her groceries

“Stay there” she said, running out to the kitchen and grabbing one out of the fruit bowl, heading straight back to the bedroom “Catch” she said throwing it to him “Baby Brain”

He let out a full body laugh “you got me kiwi” he chuckled “that’s amazing”

“I thought you’d like it” she hugged him “Now go and shave and I’ll drop you home on my way to work”

“Who said I had to shave”

“Lou, and her and Harry will be waiting for you back at your place, so off you go.”

There was no way Harry could go to the studios with Poppy, aside from the fact that his suit was back at his place and he couldn’t turn up in nothing but his boxers, there would be hundreds of fans waiting for his arrival and she knew that he needed security with him. Not only was this a big day for Harry, but it was a big day for Radio 1, it was rare for them to have artists as big as Harry live in the studio, they usually pre-recorded interviews or they were done over the phone, so she needed to be there, to make sure things ran smoothly.

Poppy got dressed, throwing on a pair of leggings and a long jumper, she’d started to gain a bit of weight with the pregnancy, not enough to make it obvious but enough for people to notice, so she stuck with baggy clothes that hung loose around her body. No one at work knew she was expecting yet, she’d told Ben that she needed to take Friday’s for a few weeks to help Harry with a few things, so that she could reduce her stress levels, and when she finally reached 12 weeks, she would tell him the real reason.

Harry came out of the bathroom, clean shaven and dressed in an old shirt of his and a pair of track suit pants.

“You ready?” he asked as she put the final touches on her simple makeup look

“Yah” she nodded, turning around and grabbing her bag and car keys “Are you?”

“No” he admitted, referring not to his physical readiness to leave the flat, but to his readiness for the world to hear the album.

“You know it’s already out back home, it’s been out for a few hours”

“I know, it’s already out here too love, came out at midnight”

“Oh yeah” she said, opening the front door “I might listen to it at some point.” He let out a breathy laugh and followed her out and down the stairs to her car which lived in the basement. The trip to Harry’s house was mostly silent, his nerves evident already, until she remembered her morning sickness.

“You’re going to need to cover for me H”

“What do you mean”

“I don’t usually start work until 9 and by then the morning sickness is usually gone, or at least the vomiting part of it has, but there’s no way I’m going to make it through this morning without puking, so you’re going to have to cover for me, if someone asks you what’s going on”

He chucked a little “I’ll tell them you ate something bad”

“Thanks” she said pulling into his driveway, as he opened the door and punched the code into the gate to open it, she drove in so she could turn her car around and drop him closer to the door. “I’ll see you there H.” He smiled and closed the door behind him, making his way inside.

Harry’s house wasn’t far from the BBC Broadcasting house, and it only took her ten minutes to get there this early in the morning. It was almost 6 am when she walked into the building, the queasy feeling setting in.

“Morning everyone” she said, walking through the door to nick’s studio, handing them a cup of coffee that she’d picked up from the early bird café downstairs

“Hiya” Nick said, taking the coffee from her “Not used to seeing you this early”

“Big Boss Ben’s here, I’m here” Poppy laughed

“He’s not here yet” Nick laughed “But thanks for the coffee”

“Well, we’re supposed to be treating Harry like a celebrity, so I had to come in earlier to prepare myself for that.”

“Big day, guys big day” Ben walked in, plate of ham and cheese croissants in hand, the smell of which made Poppy gag, strong smells were really starting to get to her. “Right” he said “Poppy, is everything organised in the green room?”

“Not yet, but Harry’s requests were very little, just water, tea and fresh fruit”

“Great” Ben said “Alright, you two are live in three minutes” he pointed at Grimmy and Tina, “get yourselves organised and we’ll keep you posted on Harry’s arrival”

Poppy walked out of the room and rushed into the bathroom, locking the stall, and throwing up straight into the bowl of the toilet. Letting out a large sigh, hoping that nothing else was going to come up, she stood and flushed the toilet, using the back of her hand to wipe the sweat from her forehead and leaving the stall, finding Ella, the receptionist looking at her with concern.

“Everything alright?”

She nodded, taking a mint out of her bag and popped it in her mouth “I think I ate something funny last night”

“You’ve been looking like shit in the mornings for a few weeks now, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

She laughed nervously “No, not possible” she lied.

“I don’t believe you, but you’ll tell me when you’re ready” she walked out of the room, and Poppy looked at herself in the mirror, holding onto her stomach, and taking a deep breath before exiting the bathroom. Ella was her work wife, she knew most things about her and she could tell when things weren’t right, and if this wasn’t such a high-risk pregnancy, she would have told her about the baby, but she couldn’t risk it.

Poppy made her way to the green room to get everything set up for Harry, placing a bowl of his favourite fruits and a pot of tea on the table, leaving the water in the mini fridge, because she knew he liked it cold. As weird as treating Harry like a celebrity felt, she knew she had to keep this professional for the sake of Radio One. Harry’s people were also responsible for other high-profile people, and she couldn’t be seen treating Harry differently to them.

The morning ran smoothly, Harry arrived at 6:30, taking photos with Fans outside the building before coming into the green room, where she had his album displayed next to the fruit bowl. The interview with Grimmy ran smoothly too and by the time it was finished, Harry was feeling much more relaxed about the release of the album. Poppy had to duck out of the room a few times, when the morning sickness became too much, and a few people noticed, but she was able to play it off as food poisoning until Grimmy asked.

“You ok hun?” he asked once Harry had left. Poppy and Grimmy had become quite close since she started working for Ben, spending time together in her lunch breaks and outside of work too, usually with Harry around.

“Yeah, just got a bit of food poisoning” she said shyly “Good job at keeping that professional, I know it’s hard when you know all the answers to the questions you’ve got to ask”

“Gotta treat it like work” he nodded “You sticking around today? Or are you out for the day?”

“I’ve got a few emails to respond to and phone calls to make, and then I’m outta here”

“Leave em for Monday babes, go home and get better”

“I second that” Ben called out “You’ve been puking all morning, you had Harry’s team worried for you, and every time you left it looked like Harry wanted to run after you”

“Surprised he doesn’t have food poisoning too, he’s been living in your flat for the last week” Grimmy chimed in

“He gets lonely in his big house” she laughed “refuses to eat what I cook him though”

“I’m still not convinced that you’ve never slept with him” Grimmy said

“I promise you we haven’t”

“Don’t believe ya, you’re too close with each other”

“Swear on my Life”

“Whatever, just make sure he makes me best man at the wedding”

Poppy rolled her eyes and walked away, making her way towards her desk, which sat adjacent to Ella’s, looking out the window. When she sat down, she took a moment, to take a breath and try to settle her stomach. After a few minutes the urge to vomit passed and she got to work, hoping to be out of the office by lunch time. By 11:30 she’d responded to all her emails, scheduled a few guests for the coming months, and worked out Ben’s dairy for the next week, so she decided to call it a day. She packed up her desk and locked her laptop in its cabinet, saying goodbye Ella and Ben before going to find Grimmy.

“I’m out for the day Grim, I’ll see you tomorrow night?” she stuck her head around the corner, where his desk sat

“I think I’m going to head off too, Friday innit” he stood and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair “Shall we grab some lunch, if you’re feeling up to it?”

“Lunch sounds wonderful”

***

May 13th 2017, 8:00pm

This was Harry’s first full show as a solo artist, and he was nervous about it. He’d spent most of the day rehearsing and being a Saturday, Poppy had been at home relaxing, doing some research about her condition, to try and ease her mind. It didn’t work, she’d only stressed herself out even more. That’s why she was glad to be here at the garage, to take her mind off things for a while. She was standing next to Nick and Gemma when Harry walked out on stage with the band. Opening with Ever Since New York had been her idea, because it was an easy song for the crowd to sing along to.

“Oh tell me something I don’t already know” he sang, a smile spread across his face “Sing it” he grabbed the mic off it’s stand and held it out to the audience and they all sang it back to him. Watching Harry perform had always been something she loved, he truly was born for it, but standing there, in a crowd, largely filled with his closest friends and family, singing his songs back to him, was a special moment, there was a sense of solidarity with everyone in that room. They were all in this together, friend, family or fan, they were here for Harry, no matter what.

“Hello” he said into the mic after singing Carolina “I’m Harry, nice to meet you, thank you very much for having me, how are you?” the crowd cheered and Harry spotted Poppy, tears forming in her eyes “Good! Poppy are you crying already?” she laughed, refusing to respond to his mockery, sending him a thumbs up instead “alright, she’s crying already” the crowd laughed and she hid her face in Nicks shoulder “So, my album came out yesterday, and uh, I wanted to do a show, and uh, I’m going to play those songs, for you I hope you enjoy them, and uh, this is my first show in a long time, my first show ever, so it’s a night I won’t forget and I thank you very much for being here with me, this is Meet Me in the Hallway”

Throughout the show, every time Harry made eye contact with Poppy, he’d smile and wave, or make a silly face at her if she wasn’t singing along. Poppy and Nick spent most of the evening dancing along and beaming proudly at their best friend while he had the time of his life on stage. After Harry finished his cover of Ultra Lightbeam, Nick turned to Poppy, with teary eyes “Pretty shit isn’t he”

“Awful, dunno why all these people like him” she joked, tears filling her eyes as well.

“That was not my song, uh thank you so much, uh, it’s uh always a little strange performing after not doing anything for a long time and I uh I’m a little rusty in the joints, I’m overwhelmed, since I put out the single, by your support your continued support, I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends to share this with”

“That’s us” Poppy and Nick said, jumping up and down pointing at themselves

“Yes, I can see you two idiots over there, I like you, you’re my friends” he said looking at them as they both high-fived

“We’ve made it” nick said sarcastically, as Harry introduced the crowd to his band.

The ‘Whoo hoo’s’ from Only Angel, echoed around the room and as Poppy and Nick danced he leant over to her “He’s never going to admit this, but I swear this song is about you”

“It’s just not” she gently pushed nick “he wouldn’t do that”

“He would” he said, yelling out a whoohoo with the crowd.

“I feel very lucky to have some friends and family in the audience tonight, I’d like give a special shout out, to my best friend in the whole wide world Poppy, without her, this album would not have happened, so if you’re near her, uh, I don’t know, maybe give her hug, but uh, be gentle because she’s pre – uh fragile, she’s fragile, uh this is Sweet Creature” he blushed smiling towards Poppy

Gemma turned and gave her a curious look, as a fan tapped Poppy on the shoulder and offered her a hug. She was lovely, asking her a few questions about Harry, while he sang Sweet Creature, a song that she knew was about her for sure. For the rest of the show, Gemma kept a close eye on Poppy, watching as her hands occasionally brushed over her belly while she was dancing.

After the show, Poppy Nick and Gemma, made their way backstage to see Harry. Jeff and Tommy were standing in the corner, trying to find the bottle of champagne that they brought to make a toast with and muster enough glasses for everyone in the room. As they walked in Poppy shot Harry a look, telling him that she noticed his slip up and he mouthed a quiet “sorry” at her, while he continued his conversation with Sarah.

“Great show H” she said to him when he had a free moment. The room was so full of his friends and family that it was hard to move around in such a small space, but it was heart warming to see all these people here to support him.

“Thanks” he smiled “and sorry, about the slip up”

“It’s alright, Gemma may have noticed, but I don’t think anyone else did” she admitted “she might think it’s yours though”

He shrugged “we’ll clear that up when the time comes, let her think it for now if she wants.” Tommy came around and handed them both a glass of champagne and before Poppy even thought about not being able to drink it Jeff was standing on the table trying to get everyone’s attention.

“Guys” he shouted “Can I have your attention for a minute” the room went silent and everyone turned their attention to Jeff “Thanks, I’d just like to give a quick toast to Harry, we’re all proud of you H, it’s a great album, and I’m sure I speak for everyone in this room when I say that we’re excited to see where it takes you, you did a great job tonight and I’m sure that’s the first of many great shows, so” he raised his glass “to Harry”

The room erupted in a toast “To Harry” everyone responded and took a sip of their drinks. Poppy noticed Gemma look at her in that moment, so she brought the glass to her lips, making sure none of the liquid passed throughand handed the glass to Harry as soon as she looked away

“Drink this so Gemma doesn’t get suspicious of my full glass” he nodded, looking over to where Gemma was standing with Anne and downing it like a shot “Christ, I didn’t say skull it”

He shrugged “Didn’t want her to see.”

The venue only allowed everyone to stay for an hour after the show, so Harry invited everyone who was left to go back to his place for a few more drinks, but Poppy was tired, and she decided to call it night.

“I’m going to call it night H, I’m exhausted”

“Alright love, that’s probably a good idea, I’ll call in tomorrow, before I head off to L.A” he said slurring his words a little.

“Thanks” she wrapped her arms around him bringing him in for a hug “I’m proud of you”

“Wouldn’t be here without you love” he smiled “can I call you cab to get you home?”

“I’ll get the tube, it’s fine” she said searching her wallet for her oyster card

“Please” he said “it’s safer”

“Fine” she said, knowing that he wouldn’t give up until she agreed, especially if he was a little drunk.

Poppy got home half an hour later and headed straight to bed, falling asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. Pregnancy was really starting to tire her out, it was rare that she was awake past 10pm anymore and she usually took an afternoon nap. It was strange sleeping without Harry next to her, but she knew she would have to get used it, he was going to be away for the next two weeks and after that he would be constantly going back and forth, getting ready for the tour.

***

June 2nd 2017 – 8 weeks

Poppy sat next to Harry in the waiting room of her Midwife’s offices, waiting for her second scan. The first one had happened at 6 weeks, while Harry was in L.A, filming the Late Late show, and everything had gone well. It looked the baby had positioned itself so that herr condition wouldn’t affect it until later in the pregnancy, which meant that she probably wouldn’t carry until full term, but it wouldn’t cause a miscarriage. None the less, her midwife had suggested she has a scan every two weeks, just to make sure everything stayed on track.

“Poppy” the midwife called, and both her and Harry stood and followed her into an examination room. “This must be Dad?” she said looking at Harry

“No” she shook her head “He’s just here for support, Dad’s not in the picture”

Harry held his hand out to shake her hand “I’m Harry” he said

“Julie” she said, shaking his hand, doing a double take when she recognised his face “Harry Styles?” she questioned

“That’s me” he nodded

“Sorry, Mr Styles, this is very unprofessional of me, but I’m a big fan of your album”

“No you’re fine” he said, smiling “Thank you”

“Alright Poppy, since bubba is still very tiny, today’s scan is going to have to be another internal one, so I’ll give you a second to strip your bottom half down, there’s a gown on the table there that you can put on” she motioned towards the hospital gown that sat folded in plastic wrapping on the bed “and Mr Styles, you’re welcome to stay, but if either of you are uncomfortable, you can sit in the waiting room until we’re finished with the scan”

“He can stay” Poppy said, to smiling at both of them. Julie smiled back and left the room, letting her get changed.

“When she says internal, does she mean, like” he moved his two fingers in an upwards motion “Inside?”

“Up my Vagina Harry” she said bluntly unbuttoning her jeans while he blinked at her bluntness

“Yeah good” he said, voice more high pitched than normal “I’ll stay up here then” he moved towards the head of the examination table

“Good move” she nodded, slipping the gown on and taking her jeans and panties off, laying down on the bed, feet up on the stirrups.

Julie knocked on the door, checking that she was ready and walked back in the room, sitting on the stool at the foot of the bed.

“We ready?” she asked, slipping a pair of gloves on. Poppy nodded and Harry reached down and grabbed her hand. The procedure was a little uncomfortable, like getting a pap smear, but it was worth it when she saw her baby up on the screen.

“Everything’s looking good Poppy” Julie said, turning the screen towards her, “Bubba’s sitting there on the left still, which is where want them to be, we’ve grown quite a bit since last time too, which is a wonderful sign” she felt Harry let out a sigh of relief “Shall we hear the heart beat?” both Poppy and Harry nodded

“Yes please” she said softly, trying to hold back tears

Julie pressed a few buttons on the ultrasound machine, and within seconds she could hear the sound of her baby’s heart for the first time. The last scan was too early for that, the baby was too small, and the technology wasn’t good enough to be able to hear such a small heartbeat. Poppy’s eyes filled with tears and sher felt Harry’s grip on her hand tighten as his other had reached down and started rubbing her shoulder.

“It’s the most beautiful sound in the world isn’t it?” Julie said smiling, “I’ve taken a recording of that for you to take home, I’ll give you two a second, and you can get changed, and when I come back we’ll go through a few things, ok?”

“Great” Poppy said, “Thank you”

She walked out of the room and she sat listening to the heartbeat for a few seconds. “It’s real Harry” the tears were streaming down her face now “There’s a baby in there”

“There’s a baby in there,Pop” he said, wiping her tears away and helping her sit up “I can’t see it, but I can hear it”

Poppy laughed “It’s right there H” she said pointing to the tiny white dot on the screen “Like a little potato.”

“Your little spud” he smiled at her

“Our little spud H” she smiled back “I know it’s not yours, but you’re the closest thing it's got to a Dad”

“Our little spud” he said helping her sit up, and hugging her “Now put some pants on would ya?”

Poppy giggled and climbed down off the bed, picking up her jeans and panties and slipping them back on, discarding the gown onto the table, and taking a seat in the chair next to the desk. A few minutes later Julie walked back into the room, with another woman, who Poppy assumed was her obstetrician.

“Miss Thomas, Mr Styles, this is Doctor Miller, she’s going to be your obstetrician, she specialises in pregnancies like yours and she’s got a few things to talk to you about”

“It’s lovely to meet you both” Dr Miller said, taking a seat at the desk “thanks Julie”

Julie smiled and left the room, leaving them with the doctor.

“Now, I don’t want either of you to be worrying about anything, I’ve taken a quick look at your scan and everything is looking very healthy, baby is growing at the normal rate and your placenta looks healthy too”

“Great” Harry said, placing his hand on Poppy’s thigh

“As I’m sure Julie mentioned last time, pregnancies like this often don’t make it full term, and natural births are rare, so normal procedure is to schedule two different C-section dates, one at 35 weeks, and one at 38 weeks, and throughout the pregnancy we will monitor the growth of the baby and decide what needs to happen when the time comes – are you ok with that?”

“Of course” Poppy nodded

“Great, so 35 weeks would put us at November 17th and 38 weeks would put us at December 8th” Poppy saw the look on Harry’s face, knowing that he was still on tour for both of those dates, and there was no way he could cancel it at this stage. “Now obviously we try our best to let you get to full term, so just because these are booked in doesn’t mean they’re set in stone, what will probably happen in the last few weeks is that you’ll be put on bed rest, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it”

“Good” she nodded

“For now though, you still need to be taking it easy, make sure you’re taking your vitamins and getting enough rest”

Poppy continued nodding along with what she was saying “Has Julie spoken to you about the Harmony test?”

“She mentioned it briefly last time”

“Great, well all it is, is a simple blood test that screens for any genetic abnormalities, and we’re able to tell the sex much earlier than we would be with just scans”

“Cool” Harry said

“It’s not a part of the NHS though, so it’s completely up to you weather you have it or not, it’s quite expensive”

“That’s not a problem” Harry said, looking at Poppy

“I’ll let you two decide if that’s something you want, if you decide to do it, all you have to do is ring up and book in a blood test”

“Wonderful” Poppy smiled

“Alright, I think that’s everything we needed to talk about for this appointment. We’ll continue with the scans every two weeks for the rest of your first trimester, and we’ll reassess from there.”

“Great” she said, picking up her bag “It was lovely to meet you”

“You too” she smiled, opening the door for them.

Poppy and Harry made their way out of the practice and back to his car, ducking theirr heads to avoid being seen. Once they got in the car and they were headed back to Poppy’s flat, Harry spoke.

“I don’t want you to worry about money with this Pop, if you want that test, please book it in, I’ll pay for it, it’s the least I can do, if I’m not going to be here for the birth”

“Me and little spud are going to do everything we can to keep him in there for an extra week until you get back”

“Him?” Harry smiled at her

“It feels like a boy.”

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