#threads: mali 001

[noskova]

A comedy of errors was inescapable when the life you were surrounded with was inundated in chaos and carnage. The truth was, no matter what they were dealing with in the internal workings of all of the trauma they'd been put through, the residents of Anchorage were always a bit quirky in their own right. Michewa was no stranger to situations in which she'd find herself the comedic relief, a far cry from the woman she had been before and the woman she could be should the need ever arise (along with the memories that lay buried deep in the soul of her about her origins.)

So it was no surprise when the aforementioned paper thwacked gently against her face, the wind having carried it gracefully to its mark and now it was being plucked carefully off so as to not totally damage it, "Yeah, I caught it with my face."

She looked down at it, regardless of intent, and gave a light snort, "Do you work at the club?"

where: main street, anchorage 

when: january 15th, 2023

THE EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE JUST as the New Year was being rung in had left Mali disoriented just like the rest of the town, but if there was one thing the amateur artist was good at, it was putting on a front and pretending everything was fine. She had been mastering that skill for years now, and had it nearly perfected. So, when it came to the following weeks, she had reverted her life back to its usual agenda, going to work and spending most of her evenings alone, save for a bad family sitcom and possibly a glass of wine. What little socializing she participated in came from her job at the bookstore and her book club, which she was currently looking to expand. Not that she wanted a big group, but a couple more people wouldn’t hurt and could possibly bring new interpretations of the novels they read. With a roll of tape in one had, she was posting up new flyers for the club on some of the streetlamps that littered the sidewalk of one of the busier streets in Anchorage, hoping it would catch somebody’s attention in the coming days. Struggling with the tape and pile of papers in her arms, the one Mali was currently trying to hang up was taken by the Alaskan wind, flittering down the sidewalk as the brunette chased after it without losing anymore. She called out to someone further down the street with a headstart on the runaway piece of paper, “Hey, can you catch that for me?” 

[absolutesort]

FRANKIE & MALI — DAY TWENTY-EIGHT.

location :   day beds.  time : mid-day.

featuring :     mali @inquixotic​

mali wattapohn.

"darling, you must tell me everything i've missed up until now." her voice is saccharine sweet, as if they've been friends for ages and hadn't only met an hour ago. "now, i know you are practically moved in with callie already, and i don't want to split up anything good," they smile sweetly. "who do you think needs the attention the most?"  

𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨.

everything. that's kind of a loaded question. "uh..." frankie pauses, attempting to remember further back than what she ate for breakfast  ( pancakes and a protein shake ).  "i mean... i'm not sure how much help i can be. this is my fifth day in the villa, and i'm not even in the villa, so..." she sips on the straw of her water bottle, rolling onto her side to look at mali. is she really gonna ask her who to graft? isn't that supposed to be their job?  "i think you should go for josh. him and jenny are not solid. maddox is an easy option, because he's in a friendship couple. marcus and romi aren't really solid either." if you could call seeing your ex fuck someone else in the kitchen like, the same day they broke up with you as not really solid. "and i can vouch that he's a good kisser."

mali wattapohn.

"yes, but so much has happened in those five days," they press, widening her eyes until they resemble the 🥺 emoji. "just look at you and callie, i mean..." a wistful sigh, as if that's something she'd genuinely want for herself. to mali, they feel a little vanilla. they nod along with her assessment, humming thoughtfully. she's had that pegged, too, but it's good to hear confirmation from someone who's actually been in the villa with them, too. "you can? color me intrigued." she sits forward with interest, completely pulling her sunglasses off her head to tossle her hair. "marcus seems like such a sweetheart, too. i'm sure everyone's got their eye on him. was that during one of the little party games?" she asks innocently, chattering away a mile a minute, ever so casually checking frankie out. "they just look so fun. lovely way to figure out who's your type when everyone is so gorgeous, right?"

𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨.

she pointedly avoids the question, or rather statement, about her and callie. all she needs is another bombshell poking in their head into her relationship, looking for the cracks. "yeah, it was during a game. he was quite handsy, which i like. obviously, i'm way into callie, but things aren't like, super locked down so i probably would've ended up kissing him at some point anyway," she admits, despite vehemently denying it to naomi just yesterday.  still, admitting that you would kiss someone and actually kissing them is a big difference. "we're on love island, and if there's chemistry and you're feeling it, you just kinda have to go with it, y'know?"  she can't really work mali out yet. she's not even sure if that's actually her name. introductions happened so fast, and now frankie's still playing catch up. "oh, they're super fun. no stakes making out, exactly my kinda party. feels like being in college." or at least, the experience of college her friends had. frankie never got to go. "okay, who are your top three, right off the bat, if you had to make out with someone right now?"

mali wattapohn.

"is he now?" now that's a fun tidbit, that she'll have to file away for later. "well, he probably just moved a spot up on my list, then," she laughs, before cutting it a little short, looking with some wide eyed concern at frankie. "so long as that is not overstepping, you know. if you're interested in him, i can focus on maddox and josh instead." her shrug is easy, as if she really would drop him like that. "absolutely agreed. i think the most important thing is you follow your gut, of course, but that you're with someone who makes you feel good. physically and emotionally, too." her top three makes her pause, stretching out as she thinks that through, her smile feline in nature. "off the bat, i'd say marcus, maddox, and...josh?" there's a question in her voice, her gaze moving back to frankie with a teasing smile. "unless this is an invitation, of course, and then you're obviously number one."

𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨.

tongue sliding over her teeth, she attempts to remember the night of the party, where they'd kissed, twice she thinks, in games that felt a little too real. "it was just after romi fucked maddox, so he was kinda going for it." frankie smirks, somehow rendered girlish by this cutesy conversation about boys despite herself. "no, no. don't be silly!" she's quick to deflect, waving mali's concerns off with a bat of her hand. "if you wanna go for marcus, you jump straight on him. catch that dick, girl." she's pretty sure mali would anyway. these bombshells mean business ; they've been picked specifically because they've got game. "i'm so not in the business of telling someone not to graft. we're all here for one thing, and you've gotta test shit out to see what sticks, you know?" or at least, that's frankie's persepective on the situation — though she'd be lying if she claimed she didn't wish she was sharing a bed with callie tonight. frankie zones out a little when the usual answers come to mind, though her ears perk up like a little dog at the comment tagged on the end. "you go for girls? that's hot. for some reason, i didn't peg you as a card-carrying bisexual. maybe because you're not wearing the badge." her jokes could use a little work. at least callie has the decency to laugh at them. 

mali wattapohn.

"oh, right. that sure was something to watch," she chuckles, a little uncertain about how that had actually played out in the villa. getting only the highlights from the episode felt a little weird. "well, i hope he's brought that same kind of energy to this. he's too gorgeous to be single for long, you know?" mali gives a broad grin at her assuring her not to worry about her if she wants to graft, and she flips her sunglasses to the top of her head. "ugh, i'm so happy to hear you say that. i felt a little like everyone would be on edge, so i've been trying to be careful, you know, and that's just simply not my style." she gives graceful shrug of her shoulders. "i just want something fun for once, like easy." frankie's joke pulls a chuckle out of her, though not necessarily any surprise. most people didn't think she was gay in the slightest, due to their extremely feminine nature. "left it at home, actually," she returns, with a sweet smile. "i usually just say queer, for simplicity. it explains my gender and my attraction, you know? i do have a soft spot for strong women, though, not sure anyone can resist."

𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨.

“marcus is gorgeous.” at this point, frankie’s a bit sick of hearing it— not because she’s not happy for him, he deserves all the attention he’s getting — but because with every new islander she talks to, it’s the same old tune. yeah, marcus is great. next?  at mali’s suggestion that she’s on edge, frankie’s already shaking her head, attempting to reassure her that they’re not all gonna be cunts about it. “nah, dude. don’t even sweat it. you gotta do your thing, and if they don’t like it, that’s a them problem.  they’d be an idiot to not find you hitting on them flattering.”  even if they’re not exactly thriving at the idea of sharing a bed with a bombshell, some stranger all up in your grill.  “our time here is short.  the only thing being careful guarantees is a plane ticket straight back home.” shrugging, frankie takes another sip from her branded water bottle, eyes lazily scanning around the villa before returning to mali, voice lowered to a half-whisper, the two of them co-conspirators. “if it’s fun you’re after, you should probably go for maddox. no offence to marcus, but i think he’s going for the wife and kids kinda vibe. but if that’s what you mean by fun, then fair.” personally, frankie can’t think of anything more suffocating. if callie so much as speaks about buying a place together she’ll be slamming her hands over her ears.  dogs on the other hand, she’s down for. two dogs and a van and a map of south america sounds like her kinda post-love island gig. “oh! so are you, like, non-binary? that’s tight. d'you have like, pronouns?” frankie doesn’t meet too many LGBTQ+ people in yachting, it’s pretty much straight people central, (aside from that one charter guest who’d got a little too handsy and almost cost her a job) which is part of the reason she’d come on the show.  “strong women?”  frankie scoffs.  “as opposed to what? weak women? dude, all women are strong women when you consider the shit men put us through on the daily.”

mali wattapohn.

"well, obviously." she knows what she looks like. they're gorgeous, they have virtually everything. what's not to find flattering? "but even still, i'm not trying to be a cunt about it, you know?" she's going to have permission for every steal of theirs she has, thank you very much. "yeah, i suspected as much. weird for how young he is. i'm not sure i want to be married off, so maddox and josh were next on the list." her confirming that maddox is fun confirms what she's expected of him from his stint on the show, a reputation but little in the way of connection. the way frankie says wife and kids, though, makes her laugh because she almost makes it sound like it's the worst thing to want if you also want fun. "yes, more or less. i like she, i like they. neither more than the other, so long as it is not he," she laughs. they're only really a woman in the way that it matters to other people, like how she presents, anyways. "all women are strong but not all women can bench me," she rolls her eyes at how metaphorical frankie takes it.

𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨.

shifting on the daybed, frankie tries to get comfortable, switching from lying on her back to shifting onto her elbow, her body angled towards mali.  “maybe he doesn’t,” frankie shrugs, backtracking, because come to think of it she’s never had a serious chat with marcus about what he wants out of this. “i’m not spitting facts. just caught that vibe.” it’s hard to gauge what mali’s vibe is — it was similar with adela — whether the gentle dipping of a toe in the water is them wanting her, or them wanting a ticket back to the villa. it feels like every bombshell (save miles and valerie) has come in with the impression that frankie’s married off, a no-go zone, and while that’s half-true, it doesn’t mean she’s immune to the feeling of eyes on her, or that she’ll shun any bit of attention directed her way. she’s not a prude, or a nun, and on the outside, four days into a relationship she wouldn't think twice about hooking up with some random at a club. it's four days, that's like nothing—but a relationship in love island feels heavier, somehow. “oh, so you’re talking about physically strong. yeah, dude, i can do that.” her eyes roll over mali, sizing her up–she’s teeny tiny– if she can bench callie, she can certainly bench mali. frankie almost offers, but then second-guesses herself. probably not a good look, especially on the first day in casa. “so are you saying your type is like, pop-eye but with tits?” smirking, she flexes her bicep. “not trying to gloat, but this morning i opened a jar of nutella all by myself.”

mali wattapohn.

"i'll chat with him about it myself," she says serenely, sure she'll have the time soon anyways. "if it works, it works and if it doesn't, it doesn't. i'm just happy to have a shot." the way frankie's eyes go over here feels almost appraising, less like actually checking mali out, and they giggle at the calculating look on her face. "lucky me. you'll have to show me how much you can lift later," it's lightly flirty, not quite walking on eggshells based on frankie's own attitude, but she's seen how serious she and callie got in, what, three days? she's not looking to get left out to dry. at her flexing, mali does give her an appraising glance over, letting her eyes wander for only a beat too long. "ooh, she can open her own jars?" there's a teasing smirk, a light, slightly sarcastic fanning of herself, as if frankie's too hot for them. "pop-eye with great tits, preferably." she's definitely not talking about frankie herself or anything, definitely has not noticed how spectacular her boobs actually are. "and a little more ass than he has."

𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨.

with the way mali's speaking to her, she feels like a slicked up fireman in a middle-aged housewives fantasy. sure, it's objectifying, but not necessarily in a bad way. maybe there's some truth in porn, even if it is unethical. most women just want someone strong and sexy to make them feel protected, like there's somebody fighting their corner who cares enough to make them come. "i can bench 120, i think. but i can try more." she's never against upping the ante to impress someone hot. "josh obviously knocks me out of the water, every time. it's kinda depressing. but men are also built different, not just in a men are trash way, but like, their bodies are literally better set up for it." it's why they don't do mixed-gender olympics, which, while it sucks, she can see the logic behind. but she backs herself against men, she still thinks she could throttle most of the guys here in a sprint, if she hadn't been holding her breath underwater beforehand, would probably have beaten miles if she hadn't eaten that burger. at least that's what she's telling herself. her desire for competition is snagged by her desire to be wanted when mali makes a comment about tits, which feels personal, rather than neutral and non-specific. laughing, a little nervously, she reaches for the bottle of sun cream to have something to do with her hands, squeezes a dollop out and begins rubbing it against her shoulder. "well you're shit out of luck there, because i have neither of those things." tits and ass, she means. "this is actually a body suit i zip on every morning. i'm like larry king under here."

[slightlyawed]

001

Alam mo madalas kong maisip bago ako matulog na bakit kaya hindi ako katulad ng mga kakilala ko? Ng mga nakikita ko sa social media? Bakit ang ganda ganda nila? Bakit ang galing nilang kumanta at sumayaw? Bakit ang dali para sa kanila ang magpahayag ng mga opinyon nila? Naiisip ko madalas, kung ganoon kaya ako, magiging madali ang buhay ko? Kung maganda ba ako, sulit ang magandang camera ng cellphone ko? Hindi ko sana nararamdaman ang takot at kaba bawat upload ko ng picture ko sa facebook at Instagram o kaya minsan ay binubura ko rin dahil sa pag-iisip na baka i-judge ako ng mga tao. Ang hirap ‘no? minsan imo-motivate mo ‘yung sarili mo pero ikaw rin naman ang gumagawa ng dahilan para ma down ang sarili mo Ang ironic, right? Kung may maganda ba akong katawan, magkakaroon ako ng confidence na magsuot ng mga trendy clothes ngayon? Ang dami nang nauso na mga damit pero nagkakaroon lang ako ng lakas ng loob magsuot ng mga ganito sa loob ng bahay. Ang unfair ‘no? 

Ang unfair natin sa mga sarili natin. Bago pa man tayo ma-judge ng ibang tao, inuunahan na natin. 

Siguro ganoon talaga ang self-defense ng mga tao. Sarili na mismo ang manlalait para kapag ibang tao na ang gumawa, hindi na masakit. Kung magaling siguro akong kumanta, nakapag-cover ng songs at isang sikat na youtuber na siguro ako. Mayaman na siguro ako ‘no? Pero hindi. Grabe ang dami ko palang pagkukulang? Ang dami kong pagkukulang sa sarili ko.

Sorry ha kung lagi akong ganito. Lagi kong nakikita ang mga mali mo. Pinupuna ko lagi ang mga pagkukulang mo. Nilalait kita sa mga panahon na dapat gmagawa ako ng paraan para baguhin ang magkaroon ka ng improvement. Ang sakit isipin na iiyak ka, magmumukmok ka, magse-self isolate ka dahil sa mga bagay na ito. Dumating din ‘yung panahon na hindi ko kinakausap ang mga kaibigan ko. Hindi ako nagre-reply o kahit buksan man lang ang conversation thread namin sa messenger. Feeling ko ako ‘yung uod sa lahat ng mga magagandang paru-paro. Matagal na panahon akong ganito. Umiiyak lang. Pero alam mo kung ano ang narealize ko? Dapat minamahal ko ang sarili ko. Dapat ang mga magandang katangian na tinataglay ko ang higit na binibigyan ko ng pansin. 

Sa dami ng mga napapansin kong pagkukulang ko sa sarili ko, nakalimutan ko na ang mga bagay na maipagmamalaki ko. 

Hindi man ako marunong kumanta at sumayaw, marunong naman akong magpinta. Hindi man ako maganda, marunong naman akong dalhin ang aking sarili at lumakad ng may mga ngiti sa aking labi. May magaganda akong mata na sinasabi nila na nakakakuha raw ng atensyon ng sino man ang tititig sakin. May makakapal akong kilay na hindi na kailangan lagyan ng liner kasi, original ‘yan! May scars man ako from my pimples, I still have a beautiful face! Hindi man kumpleto ang ngipin ko, may mga dahilan pa rin ng pagngiti ko katulad na lamang ng mga biyaya ng Panginoon sa akin. Nakakatuwa ‘no? Higit sa lahat, hindi man flawless ang skin ko, wala man akong kurba, kumpleto ang mga bahagi ng aking katawan. Ang dami kong dapat na ipagpasalamat.

Gusto ko lang sabihin sayo na nagbabasa nito, hindi ka nag-iisa. Parehas tayo. Magkasama tayo. Kaya sana ituring mo ako na isang kaibigan na nagkukwento sayo at nagbibigay ng payo. Sana ay makita mo rin kung gaano ka kaganda. Lagi mong tandaan, 

magiging masaya tayo kung hahayaan lamang natin ang mga sarili natin. 

Kumawala na tayo sa mga limitasyon na tanging ang sarili lamang din natin ang nagbibigay. Lumaya ka. Magpatuloy ka.