#threads | bushelofmuses (cole)

[dcvium]

@bushelofmuses liked for a Veilguard Nim

The Lighthouse posed many questions. What if they fell off the side? Why did things float? Why weren't they floating? She really needed to stop trying to apply logic to the Fade. She did have one question that could be answered, though.

"What does it feel like?" Vague, Nimue. Very vague. "Being in the Fade again, I mean. But physically. It's... different than Adamant."

[orxna]

"I think it's time for you to take a break." -from Cole or Ameridan? @bushelofmuses

Workaholic Ask Memes || Accepting || @bushelofmuses ;Cole

Orana's fingers barely tremble at the comment, a brief pause before she releases a nearly full body shudder and returns to her careful seams. There is a sort of calmness that overtakes her when she sews, like she becomes the needle and thread, careful and steady even when her mind would otherwise be reeling. The herald can shut off the little part of her brain that frets over what she did to the wardens, over the fact that she chose Hawke not because it was tactically wise but because she couldn't lose another parent.

Mending is what she can do without anyone knowing--Or at least without anyone but Cole knowing it seems.

The pile beside her is made of garments carefully taken after the washerfolk had gone to bed. Orana has to finish them by the morning or else someone will know they're gone. The herald cannot be seen stealing laundry or else Josephine will be so very upset with her.

If her hands are busy though, she doesn't feel the pull of sleep and it's promised nightmares so strongly. If she falls into the gentle lull of one stitch flowing into another her mind numbs into something that she can pretend is soothing and not concerning.

Orana lies as she pulls a thread taught, tying it off and moving onto the next rip, "I only have a few more."

[dcvium]

@bushelofmuses asked:

AH

PIN MY MUSE - Randomized: Don't

She'd been so close. So close to disappearing from the Lighthouse and into the Crossroads--- she'd made it past the eluvian with no goal of where she would or could head. Anywhere. Far. Lost. She was better off lost. This... Veilguard... it would do better without her. Without the screaming in her mind and blood. The violence she caused and craved. They would do better without the child of a Forgotten One. Daughter of Murder. Torturer. Cannibal. Monster. They'd all be better without that. Perhaps her violence had quieted with a blow to her head once, but what said it wouldn't come back? What said that she wouldn't be the next Ghilan'nain or Elgar'nan? The next Corypheus.

The revelations of her father and herself that had come from the Nadas Dirthalen felt like a weight. Stones pressed against her chest until ribs cracked, lungs punctured, drowning in blood. Nimue had run. She didn't think she'd been followed, but she could feel herself cracking. Her vision clouding with a familiar sting of salt, body quivering against the flow of emotion.

And then a hand. Pressure. Restraint.

The elf managed to focus her gaze to understand. Cole had grabbed her, stopped her. He was keeping her in place. He was keeping her from bolting like the skittish deer she'd become in that moment. There were no words, just a blank stare up at him as she processed.

[dcvium]

@bushelofmuses asked:

Cole, reading from a book: "What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick."

"Everyone has it, but no one can lose it. What is it?" She's answering with a riddle of her own, not looking up from her little sketch. "A shadow."

[dcvium]

@bushelofmuses asked:

❝ i get angry just as rarely as i laugh. ❞ from Cole

"It's... good to rarely be angry, I think? I'm not often angry, either. It takes a lot." She peered at him, though, curious and questioning. "Laughing is nice... it shows you're happy. Do... do you not feel emotions strongly? ---Any of them?"

[dcvium]

@bushelofmuses asked:

🎲 because why not? Could be fun.

kiss roulette

32: A kiss while someone watches.

They were going to have to split up the teams. That much was obvious. They couldn't approach the gods with the Antaam on guard. Someone would have to lead a team as a distraction. It was a dangerous, but doable task. Nimue had led teams before. She'd volunteered to lead and Harding had backed down with her own claim. Davrin hadn't, but Nimue had been the one selected, anyway.

This was the make or break point, wasn't it? The moment any of them, truly, could not be coming back from. Her gaze flicked to Cole. They'd grown closer since Inquisition, since he'd become more human and less spirit. It wasn't really a thing that was out there, though. People probably knew something was between them. It wasn't a hard guess.

Now, that would be confirmed. He wasn't going with her. Not for this. So, as they parted, she paused a moment. As with all big moments, she had to consider the possibility that she wouldn't be coming back. That thought in mind, she made her way over to him and pushed herself onto her toes.

The kiss was soft. Sweet. It wasn't rushed, like a kiss goodbye. Wasn't that what Lucanis had said about that coffee? Bitter and sweet. A taste that lingers. It didn't matter to her that the rest of the Veilguard was right there. Why should it? This wasn't for them, it was for Cole.

[dcvium]

Name: Cole

Age: Unknown/Old af

Do you like to cuddle?: Sometimes

Can we make-out?: If she'd like but there might be a learning curve. Expect enthusiasm and effort.

A night in or dinner out?: Night in. Books and cuddling. Maybe some stargazing.

Ice cream or chocolate covered strawberries?: Strawberries are the way to his heart but he'll go with whichever Nim prefers since they're sharing it.

What makes you a good Valentine?: Will fill up her room with way too many flowers, and only touch when given permission. Will likely take her out for a picnic for lunch and then do the night in at dinner time. It will not be at the beach...he remembered that.

Would you cook for me?: An attempt would be made. Expect stew probably.

Would you let me cook for you?: Maybe they can attempt it together? A couple that fucks up dinner together stays together.

@bushelofmuses

valentine's day application

"Oh! Oh, there would absolutely be strawberries! Different kinds of chocolate on them--- like dark chocolate with a drizzle of white chocolate." Oh, that sounded so good. "We can figure it all out, right? I mean, new things are always awkward at the start. Doesn't mean it's not worth it."

[dcvium]

@bushelofmuses asked:

🫦 revenge for the mistletoe

Send me 🫦 to have a New year's kiss at midnight.

Oh, thank the gods they were sitting. Of course, Cole was still tall, he had a longer torso than hers, but at least his legs weren't factored in (maybe she should just carry a box around). Nimue was aware that this was another kissing tradition. Last time, he'd tried leaning down and smacked her in the face with a hat. This time, she would do it properly, no getting smacked in the face.

So, as the tone for midnight sounded, the little elf pushed herself up to catch Cole in a soft kiss--- though, this time she hadn't aimed for his cheek. It was small, but it was a proper kiss.

[dcvium]

She could feel his arm tense and relax. It was a familiar feeling, trying to figure out how one felt about a touch and ultimately accepting it. Good. Nimue would have hated to make him uncomfortable with it. Truthfully, she hadn't really thought before doing. She rarely every did.

It was true, it wasn't always smiles, but he didn't need to always be comfort. Spirits could be one thing and stay one thing--- humans, people, they were more complex, difficult, feeling too much and not enough all at once. Cole smiled, though, and squeezed her arm, a soft rumbling forming in her chest for a moment, likely felt against the arm she held. It wasn't consistent and long like the purr of a cat, but it was a sort of contented sound and feeling.

There was a nod to his words. "Some people have a... streak of darkness in them." Like herself, her violence and bloodlust. "But we can choose who we are and what we do, right? She chose wrong. She let it consume her." Nimue had the feeling she'd once let it all consume herself, too.

"It feels wrong in Arlathan. There are people made of wood, turned to wood. There are legs on the trees... it feels angry and sick and carnivorous."

He initially tensed under the contact, but then seemed to lean into it. Overwhelming but comforting, something he both wanted to run from and cling to. The warmth was...welcome.

"I am...I was comfort. Comfort is not always smiles." But he tried to smile for her anyway. A genuine one. He was happier around her, truly.

Smiles can be a sign of acceptance, contentment, but they don't always radiate serenity, peace. Compassion is gentle and comforting. Yes, sometimes there was violence to defend the oppressed or the peace, but at the end of the day...a smile was not always a comfort to someone who was hurting.

And it felt strange to smile, like he wasn't allowed to and that he needed to keep it secret. He smiled often when alone, though.

His hand covered her arm and gently squeezed it in thanks.

"I...pity her. Bright and vibrant, joyful and curious, but creativity and innovation turned to cruelty and obsession. She used to be more." So much was lost when they one by one turned to control and oppression. Their greed and pride was the ruin that crashed around them. Solas's actions were not the true source of their downfall. It would have happened eventually; someone would have had their fill and started a rebellion.

He tilted his head. She didn't like Arlathan? He found it to be an interesting place, yes, but the memories there were loud and oppressive, too much for him to handle for long periods of time.

"I don't like it either. But why?" Why did she not like it there?

[dcvium]

Arms slipped about one of Cole's, hugging it to her chest. It was a sign of comfort, an acceptance of presence. Nimue was not overfond of touch unless there was trust. There was with Cole. "Only try if you want to. I don't want to force you into positions you don't like. I just think you might like it. There's something contagious about a smile." Nimue wanted him to live for himself, not just others. It was time for that. For both of them.

"And it's good to find things to smile about in dark times. Big spooky wannabe-gods are typically 'dark times'. Ghilan'nain's kind of neat, though... I wonder what she was like before. Before the Blight." The Ghilan'nain who had made the halla. Nimue also liked halla. "But we could find things like that tea or the cooking. Those can be fun. Or exploring! Not in Arlathan. I don't like Arlathan."

He couldn't argue with that...wouldn't argue.

Cole felt like he was caught in a spotlight immediately after, and his expression shifted from a small smile to almost a grimace. He felt...shy about his smiles, or perhaps like he wasn't allowed to. Cole was generally...peaceful? Calm? Serene. Serene was a good word.

But happy? Yes, he was happy, but he didn't usually express it. It felt wrong to show it off when he was supposed to be a comforting presence, not an excitable one. Smiles weren't always a comfort to people.

"I will...try." At least he would try to smile for her.

[dcvium]

She seemed to catch what he was about to say. "We do have to heads." She pointed at her own, then his. "One. Two." This was followed with a nod as she affirmed her own words. He couldn't argue her logic, she was certain.

Nimue's head cocked to the side. "That depends what you're doing with the rice. It can be warm and comforting, too. Like ladling a beef stew over it. But I guess it's the stew that's comforting and warm and the rice is more like a vessel for it." Pasta wasn't like that. It was more mixed together from the start, right?

Again, that battle with a smile was caught. Why didn't he want to? The words came unbidden, like thinking aloud. "You should smile." Just those simple words. Blinking, she decided to clarify. "When something makes you happy, I mean. When you like something. You should smile. It's good to do that."

A trade, they could trade. Small gifts here and there might happen, perhaps. Nimue was very good at finding random items and giving them to people. Like cool rocks. She liked those.

One could never go wrong with pasta. Something about it was warm and welcoming. Although not the most filling, it was fulfilling. Soothing and comforting, like a home he'd always wondered about but never had.

It would be a good place to start. How hard could boiling water be? Don't jinx it.

"But we don't have—oh." Total, not that they each had two. Idioms. He always caught on eventually, even if it took a moment. They flew right over his head, but he'd try to catch them each time.

She was right though; teamwork would help. Harder to make mistakes with someone checking your work as you go.

"I like the thought of pasta over rice. It's warm and comforting."

His lips twitched as he fought a victorious smile. Did this count as a win for him? Sure, she planned to get him something too, but at least he could kind of treat her to something she liked. A small win, then.

Cole was very much a giver, not a taker or receiver. He was usually flustered and confused when someone gave him something, unable to fully wrap his mind around someone caring enough to reach out to him instead of the other way around. It felt strange to accept anything from others. Varric got him new a dagger once to replace one of Cole's worn out ones, and Cole kept asking him for days after if he was sure. Drove Varric up a wall but eventually Cole got the picture and accepted it.

"Trade it is." He'll take it.

[dcvium]

Ego was something Nimue didn't have. In fact, she could probably actually use more ego. That would mean less self-hatred, though, and that likely wasn't happening soon. What trouble it was to be a monster...

"I think we'd figure it out. Start small, then grow. Maybe start with pasta or a rice dish. Something simple. Then we can get fancier and fancier." Some cookbooks told you the difficulty of the recipes. She made a note to find one of those. "We'll both be less terrible when working together. We can check each other's work. That whole 'two heads' thing."

She did catch his reaction, though. That little slump (she'd notice anything that made him feel even slightly shorter, truthfully). "Fine, fine. You can get the tea. It will be a trade off. Gifts." There was a little pause as she thought for a moment. Did either of them know how to just... accept things? She would have protested, if he hadn't agreed to her getting him something. He seemed to want to protest being on the receiving end, too.

Something else for them both to learn.

It would be a team effort, he could certainly take the blame to protect her ego or something. He wouldn't mind.

"No, I would like to." Neither would improve if they didn't try...even if their efforts only caused problems. So long as they didn't set the building on fire, it would be fine. "It wouldn't be just you. I would be terrible too."

His smile shifted to something more genuine and less uncertain, and he tipped his head to hide it with his hat. Not that it would help with the height difference. She'd likely see it, he thought. Oh well, too late now.

Cole was glad that she was amenable to it, though. She needed something that made her happy too. Hadn't she been through enough? Wasn't it time to be a little more selfish?

Although, he had planned to get the tea for her, not for her to get something for him. That threw a kink in his plans, one he didn't know how to circumvent.

Cole would try and think of something.

He almost sagged in defeat at her question. Almost. Okay, yes, he wasn't going to get away with treating her without getting something in return, it seemed.

"Only if I can get the tea for you." There. Maybe a trade would be enough.

[dcvium]

She peered up at him--- very up. Why did he have to be so tall? Nimue could tell he was thinking, but she couldn't read it very well. Was he happy with the idea? Was it some kind of overstep? Her brows knit. "Only if you want to." There was no pressure. None. She needed to make that clear. "And no taking the blame for me if I screw up."

There was another little rumble in her throat as he seemed to stress the need for tea. "Mm, could go and check... she what kinds she has." That was assuming the herbalist was still in the same spot. Though, her home had seemed very stable and long-term.

"You should have tea, too. Or something nice." Cole seemed like the sort who wouldn't think about himself, at all, neglecting needs and wants for those of others. "You'll let me get you something?"

They could certainly try. What's the worst that could happen? They burn it and Lucanis takes over to try and fix their mess out of pity or disgust for whatever they'd botched up?

Cole thought they had a decent chance of success if they followed a recipe at least.

Hopefully.

If nothing else, they could make a soup. That's just throwing a bunch of things in and adding a little salt to it, at the very least. Maybe they had some stock around here that they would be able to use as a base...or wine. Or both.

"We could try it," he said slowly, then he tried to smile. "I will take the blame if it burns."

It didn't matter that the fight wasn't there. They could spare a day to get her some tea and comfort.

"But you do need tea," Cole argued.

[dcvium]

Perhaps it was both. Being caged and feeling seen were both things she didn't enjoy. Nimue already felt terrible enough knowing Cole must have heard her bloody thoughts during their time with the Inquisition--- or, at least, her self-loathing caused by them. They hadn't stopped, nor had she stopped hating them. It was a constant, something she'd accepted that there was no escape from.

But there could be good moments. Calm moments where it was just her, not her urges. Not the violence. Just... things like this? Calm, normal. No fight to it, no death.

Her lips tugged into a little smile. "I don't know how to make those." She'd mostly made do with a campfire. Cookies were not something you could make that way. Not that she'd found. But, they had a kitchen now. Stability, even in this place. Maybe stability was nice? She'd have to evaluate that option, if she survived this adventure. "Maybe we could figure out cooking things together."

At his comment about visiting, there was a little cock of her head. Her brows knit. "I... don't have a reason to be there. I'm not needed there. It's not where the fight is." Not entirely true. She'd heard from Cullen, Darkspawn were running wild in the South, overtaking the lands. "I don't really go where I'm not needed."

Was it feeling caged, or was it feeling exposed in the nothingness that bothered her? He couldn't quite tell, though he knew this place was wearing on her. He could understand. It was overwhelming to him. All at once too much and not enough.

He adjusted the hem of his shirt in thought and made a note of the cookbook comment as well. Perhaps he could try and get one for her? Either swipe it or buy one.

...he should probably buy it. Most that would sell them were not going to be ridiculously wealthy; it wouldn't be right.

Maybe it would bring her some semblance of peace or provide a distraction from this place and the stress of hunting the Evanuris. He knew all of them could use it.

"I could help with cookies." He smiled sheepishly. "It's...all I know how to make."

Cole had a personal interest in knowing how to make them.

He liked the Hinterlands. Warm and welcoming, despite its history. A broken place that had pieced itself back together again and again. The people there were fairly kind. He hadn't been there since their time in the Inquisition. As far as he and Varric could tell, Solas was never in the area; they had no reason to visit.

There should be a way through the Crossroads. Maybe the Caretaker knew which eluvian would lead them there.

"There's nothing stopping you from visiting."

[dcvium]

The coast or a beach wasn't a bad suggestion. Many did like them. Many found them beautiful. Nimue did like the smell. That salty air. That was nice. But then the salt caked everything. That was not nice. Maybe that helped a little, to think on coastal regions and pick them apart bit by bit. She liked picking things apart. Like candles. She'd had a bad habit of destroying them, scraping wax with her fingernails, carving the candles down to nothing compulsively.

And Cole, unknowingly and unintentionally, gave her something to focus on like that as he took her hand. Her gaze dropped and she took the hand in both of her own, gently beginning the pick off the little fabric pills that wouldn't risk damaging the glove further. Like picking it clean.

Nimue's head shook. She didn't need to let go, or didn't want to. Letting go was allowing that violence to creep in. Allowing the bloodlust. Perhaps, if she aimed it right--- Not at him. Never at him. Cole wouldn't be a target like that, no matter how much her mind sometimes tore at her. "There are little foxes there. I like the little foxes." Focus on them. Soft, small, pale colored, big ears.

He searched her face a moment, listening and watching her. Never suggest the coast again, he told himself. Avoiding them most days would be easy enough; they didn't have many missions there.

Slowly Cole nodded and gave her another squeeze before letting go to give her space, only moving his hand to hold hers. He was cautious, not holding too tightly so she could pull away if it was too much or unwanted. He hoped his gloves didn't bother her; they were a bit worn and picked at on the palms. Cole wondered if the pilling might be bothersome, if she was too overstimulated as it was.

"If that will work, yes." He gave her a small smile. Cole was serious about being accommodating; anything to make this easier for her, to help her clear her head and mind of whatever this horrible news was doing to her.

It couldn't have been easy.

Even with her thoughts and feelings, she at least seemed to try. He admired her for it; she did so well, in his opinion.

"You're doing an amazing job...but it's okay to let go around me if you need to. I don't mind." If she needed to lash out or cry or something in private, he wouldn't judge, wouldn't stop her. Sometimes you have to let it out to come down off of the ceiling.

[dcvium]

Nimue was touch-avoidant, that much was true. It was something she was both starved of and terrified by. It could be used so easily to inflict pain. Cole was someone she trusted, though. She trusted and even invited his touch. Though, they were both apparently awkward about it.

As he settled into her, she did the same, resting somewhat against Cole's side as she showed him what she'd been trying to sketch. It was his hat. Specifically the hat. It was drawn over and over on the page in varying degrees of quality. She was trying very hard to get it right. A master artist, she was not. Made all the worse by her trying to draw with the hand that wasn't even a real hand anymore.

"Mm, I'm okay. I'm fine. I think it's a calm day, you know? Quiet. A good day for quiet." Not silence, but just rest. Peace. Something somewhat normal.

He hesitated, not wanting to cross a line by touching, but then reminded himself that she was initiating.

"...As you wish." He'd do just about anything she asked of him. That probably wasn't a good thing...

Cole gently took the offered hand and moved to sit beside her, arm against arm. After a moment, he seemed to sag, relaxing into the comfort of another at his side. It quieted his mind, being able to focus on just one person like this, even if hers was a lot to handle. It wasn't as bad like this.

Warm and solid beside him. A stone to lean on when it became too much.

He hoped he could be the same for her.

"Are you alright though?"