#thread: max cortez

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Maximiliano Cortez @max-cortez

location: Rachel's house

It had been a week now since she'd started back to freelance and though she still had deadlines and plenty on her to-do list. It was nice not to feel beholden to everyone, at least for the moment considering once she was done with this first draft, she was sure to have various editors and publishers to answer to. She tried to still make a schedule for herself though, working on the deadline things before working on the book. She'd been at her desk for hours though and decided she needed a break so she was just about ready to make a little snack and watch something when she heard the doorbell.

She quickly went through the possibilities, not remembering any type of maintenance or house related things that she'd planned for today. Especially since she was dressed in cozy clothes. Rachel opened the front door to see Max. "Hey there! You doing alright?" She frowned a bit as she saw he'd come by car. "Still no bike, huh?" Her eyes scanned his face, wondering exactly what the man was doing here. She'd never forget the first time she'd seen him surprisingly on her doorstep. He'd brought flowers and Rachel had felt so giddy about it. There were plenty of times since he'd been at her doorstep. Each time he was more than welcomed inside. That was still true, but it did feel like something was wrong. "Do you want to come in?"

[rachelhargrovearchived]

And there it was, just how stupid she was said from the man's lips. Rachel was barely keeping things together right now and his obliviousness and carelessness to how his actions could have an effect on her. As much as she tried not to, she wondered how he treated the woman he was with now. Probably a whole fuck ton better and probably she deserved it while Rachel didn't. Max pointing out yet again how she had found it hard to digest some of his past. But yet again she wanted to say how she'd told him that she had said later on how much she'd regretted closing that door. But what did it matter? This circular conversation only ended with one truth: Rachel wasn't someone he cared about. The ways he had treated her weren't how you treated someone you cared about, even if it was simply as a friend. She shook her head a bit, at a loss now. "It's not about not having done commitment or that all you want is to be my friend. It's about the fact that you've treated me for the past few months like my existence or nonexistence has of little consequence to you. And as much as you trying to tell me now that it doesn't have to do with how little or how much I did or do matter, you have not shown me in any way, shape, or form that you care about me in any capacity in months. So it's actually really not on me anymore. It's on you to actually not just say words but actually prove they mean something." He wasn't even trying now, he was putting yet again all on her shoulders, so how was she to even begin feeling like they could be friends when he put all the onus on her. Maybe he thought he was giving her the control, but what he was really doing was giving her nothing which was all he'd given her lately.

Sharing her story only made her feel like he saw how broken she was. It didn't alleviate any pain or give her relief, it only made her feel like she was drifting further away. Hugging her coat tighter around her body thinking maybe if it felt like someone was giving her a hug it would make this conversation better. Her head was pounding and she really no longer could look at his face. She tried looking to the sky this time rather than the ground, finding her breaths were even shallower now as she had allowed herself to choose the fight instinct for this whole conversation, but all she wished right now was for her flight instinct to kick in and she could just soar out of here. When he spoke about not knowing how Chey felt, she just nodded also not knowing how it felt. And the more he talked, the further away she felt from everything and everyone. Just like the day she received the first of the horrible stream of news. She had no idea why she was still standing here, wishing she could take back all that she'd just told Max. It didn't make her feel more connected to him, and she had a feeling it probably didn't make him feel more connected to her. It just made her feel more like a stranger. "I can't, I'm sorry. I have to go." Rachel finally choked out as she turned around and allowed her feet to send her in the opposite direction.

@max-cortez

He chewed harshly at the inside of his cheek, the bitter taste of iron filling his mouth as her words turned over in his mind. Max was no prime example of what a man should be, but he wasn't nearly as cold and heartless as the woman painted him to be. "I told you that I had my own thing going on. I didn't know that you needed me to spell things out for you," he countered, a bit more coldly than he'd intended. A huff of frustrated was forced from his lungs, his head shaking. "It wasn't about how much or how little you meant. I told you, I haven't done commitment in a long time. I'm sorry if my way about things wasn't the right one."

Once more, Max heaved a deep breath. "I was enjoying getting to know you. I shared things with you too, but you didn't like some of those things." He could still recall the look of horror she'd worn when he clarified that yes, he'd know that Mallory was a married woman and no, he didn't care. "Just because things didn't work out doesn't mean that you meant nothing. It's not an all or nothing thing." Maybe it was for her, but for him, he wanted to come to a point where a friendship could be maintained. "I can't force you to be okay with what happened." Did he want to remain friends? He wanted to try, but if in the end, she couldn't manage such a title, he'd have to understand that.

Despite his own frustrations, he listened intently, chin lifting slightly as her story unfolded before him. "I'm sorry," he mouthed, tone low. What she'd gone through had sounded incredibly difficult, but it didn't match the horrors of his own loss. To know that a child had been created, but to have lost it. His jaw tightened and his heart hammered. She'd never get the chance to even try. At least, not in the way that she'd always wanted. "I can't imagine what that's like for you." He and Chey had gotten the chance to try again, a truth that he wondered if he should share. If he didn't, would it sting for her to hear later? He straightened, shoulders pulled back in a way that triggered a few cracks down his spine. He'd tell her, but it wouldn't be now. Not until the conversation had been had with the woman carrying his child. "I know you never got the chance, but... losing a kid, it's unlike anything I've ever felt before and I can't even begin to think about how it felt for her." His voice was shaky and his dark orbs burned from the tears daring to form. She'd had the hope of a child, only for it to be taken away. "But you're right. It's different." A muscle flexed in his jaw and the hurt he'd felt that night in the cafe's parking lot slowly crept back into his bones, as did anger.

@rachelhargrove

[nicksancheez]

status: closed 

 location: nick's home 

 for: @max-cortez​

 Nicholas wasn't even sure how the hell he found out. He knew people, of course he did and people in this town had clearly talked. Though Nicholas knew, he knew what had went down between his little cousin and ex wife. Maybe Nick didn't have a right to get pissed off because Gabriela was his ex now. They weren't married anymore so it didn't matter, but it did. Nick was pissed, beyond pissed. He was angry and in all honesty, Nicholas thought he had every right to be. He hadn't seen his Max in what felt like years, years and now when Nick does see him, this happens? Nicholas and Max used to be close. Max was at his wedding, Violets first birthday. Max was there for quite a few things. There was a time when the two used to be close but now? Not anymore. Now Nick could care less if he talked to the kid ever again. He was doing a pretty damn good job at getting rid of people. What was one more person? Nicholas just didn't feel like dealing with this at the moment. Though he needed too, he had too. This wasn't right. It wasn't fair and in all honesty, Nick was just done. Standing in the kitchen, offering his cousin a beer, Nick took a sip of his water and looked at him, a sinister smile appeared on his face for a moment "How was my ex wife?" A sharp breath escaped, then a laugh “Maximiliano.” 

[pandorafallz]

Lest We Rest Upon Our Graves | C15

Alma was slow to eat but she took her time to enjoy it, even if it was shitty ration packs but she felt like she could devote some time to actually… concentrate on what she was putting in her mouth. Maybe it had something to do with the shot of painkillers she asked Nalin for but she felt relaxed too.

She distantly knew she wasn’t alone in the kitchen, people had come and gone but she knew Jin was lurking about but hadn’t thought too much about his presence. She would normally be in her little office but she had left Nalin to look into her old medical file in peace and quiet. No point breathing down her neck about it.

Still, two days.

Two days until Max and his team showed up. Two days until she could be treated. 48—or 40 hours now since the call (since So’lek had informed her once she had sorted out her nosebleed) but she would be treated. Her aneurysm would be tied off. She almost couldn’t believe it… that she had a chance here. She would live.

She would survive this. Still, she had a long road ahead of it if she had to push through after her recovery in trying to make it up to the Sarentu…and the Resistance.

She wasn’t sure which method Max was thinking of to cure her condition.

Clipping the aneurysm was not ideal, not for her age range and the nature of her condition given how invasive it would be and it would lead to a minimum of five days of bedrest but it would take about two months to be medically clear. In that time, her mental capacity would not be great in recovery for a few weeks so she hoped that people would be patient with her if that was the only option.

Coiling was the second option, the aneurysm was filled with platinum coils, less invasive as they’d put a tube in through an entry point in her main artery, most likely from her thigh, follow it up to her brain and directly into the aneurysm and go from there. She’d be out for the count for a week in recovery and return to light duties after that.

Alma knew her chances were slim but if Max had a plan, she’d follow it. She hadn’t done as much as she should have to make up for her actions but she did have a plausible reason for it; a broken arm and So’lek’s hanging threat. Once she was better… once she was in the all-clear and not sick anymore, then she supposed she could… look into better ways of helping with the Sarentu.

More than just fixing the smog.

In all honesty, she didn’t know what she could do for them.

“Cortez?”

Alma returned from her mind, blinking to see Jin standing in front of her table, looking a little uncertain but in his hands he held a delicate box.

“Alex said...this was for you?”

Alma swallowed thickly, setting her empty ration bag aside. “You’re done?”

Jin-young nodded. “It’s nothing fancy but… I tried to add some beauty into it regardless. For them.”

The box was big, she could see it’d fit both her fiancé and daughter’s remains in snugly and would bury well. Of course, she didn’t expect fancy; she needed it to be practical. It was a dark, delta wood with a light polish and simple joints but it looked like he had carved a few Pandoran leaf patterns into each side. Something nice. It had no metal latch but he had a ball of string in his pocket from the thread sticking out of it.

Alma rose to her feet, opening her hands for it. “Thank you.”

Hesitantly Jin passed it over though looked conflicted still.

“I’ll put them in now, tomorrow night, I’ll bury them.” She explained, though headed towards the medical wing. She felt his presence follow and linger but she didn’t focus on him once she got to her daughter’s bones and set the box down and opened it up.

She reached first for the bag of Michael’s ashes, no longer a wet clump of bone dust and ash but had dried out under a heating lamp. Mouldable, coarse material under her fingertips.

“Would this box hold loose ash?” Alma couldn’t help but ask as she eyed the box. “I…don’t want to bury ashes in a plastic bag again.”

“I put wax along the inside so nothing will escape the sides but I’ll need to wax the lid shut to avoid anything escaping,” Jin spoke softly, creeping a little closer though he looked…tense. “I... I heard a little bit but…who are you putting in the box?”

Alma didn’t answer straight off, taking a minute to open up the bag and slowly tip it into the bottom of the box. It was like listening to sand falling, but grey and far lumpier with a few wet clumps here and there before she patted the bag to be as ash-free as possible and shook the box lightly to even the surface lightly.

“My fiancé and daughter.” Her voice was soft as she spoke, not hearing the soft intake of breath. “At least…now they’ll have a proper and respectful burial. Somewhere nice.” Somewhere beautiful and not at risk of being peed on. She’d not let them desecrate them. They deserved the best.

Jin moved around, watching softly as she set a small sheet of scrap fabric between the ashes before she began to move the little bones to rest on top. Her fingers paused a little on the toothless top jaw, thumbing gently over the divert in the bone before she set it into place.

“I’m…sorry for your loss, Alma,” Jin spoke after a moment, using her first name for the first time in a while.

Alma swallowed her grief with a deep inhale as she picked up her engagement ring, running her finger over the metal band and blue jewel. “You know, I spent years thinking what had happened to them was an accident…or nature. I thought I…moved on.”

“Did…it get easier?” Jin asked, “Their loss?”

Alma hummed, not a committal sound. “I spent…weeks on drugs and physically recovering. I didn’t really comprehend the loss. Throwing myself into TAP work just… was enough for me to carry on. I suppressed my feelings about their deaths. Wanted to forget, even. Though I had moved on. It…all feels raw now.”

Jin remained quiet before his shoulders sagged. Not content but Alma figured he was just trying to make sense of his feelings. No one else knew that pain like him and… her know that he knew she lost her almost-husband.

“Where did you meet?”

Alma chuckled softly but lacked heart. “Pandora training. Michael worked as an Xenoanthropologist with a medical degree but we both had to do the physical training as a group. He…wanted to see the Na’vi and to learn more of their cultures, see how they were structured. He used to talk about old tribes on Earth and wanted to see if Na’vi’s teachings would benefit humans on Earth. Michael tried to get an avatar but he couldn’t pass the psychological tests required for a stable link.” It would have been nice if he had. He probably could have taken over at TAP; using his avatar whilst staying at Hell’s Gate with her and giving the Sarentu the attention they needed as they adapted.

If he had and survived past the war, maybe by now they could have had Na’vi-like kids she could have carried; in a better body meant for this world. Old enough now to be the same age as the Sarentu; old enough to be their friends.

Wishful thinking.

All of that was dead in the water. Deader now without her avatar.

Her last avatar… wasn’t worth growing now. She knew, as much as she wanted and hoped for a future with her last remaining avatar hope; no one would allow her the grace of actually growing it. She couldn’t take that pain if someone else killed it again. Not again. It would die but she’d let it die by her own actions this time. She could bear that grief with a heavy heart but bear it all the same. If someone else did… she’d crack and crumble.

“He sounds like an alright man…but why did he join TAP if he was learning about the cultures? TAP raised Na’vi like humans.”

“Mercer needed someone at TAP to help him understand the clan’s political structures; who to talk to and how to talk to them. Michael… didn’t know TAP’s intentions with the Clan’s interest in their children. He thought at first the children brought there to be learned from, as means of helping them adjust with humans while TAP finds them a new clan to leave them with once we had learned from them and educated the kids on us.” Alma explained. “Mercer included a Non-disclosure into our contracts. He was…furious when he found out what really happened.”

Jin’s head tilted. “That’s…kinda a relief to hear.”

“He broke up with me for some after that. He got back with me officially once I told him about the baby. Old school really.” She held up the ring at that. Sure, the few cases stress of their situation had led them back to her bed in their break-up time but it was mutual release and unwilling to take anyone else. Worked out their frustrations in a less than ideal way but both had needed it.

She hadn’t let anyone into her bed after that since Michael. A few close calls but her heart hadn’t been willing to allow her to take it that far. Physically wouldn’t survive it at the moment with her condition, not that she had an option now. Alma knew she was undesirable by most, if not by all available men. If they were interested in the past then they had preferred her avatar form.

“Was it… an accident? Or did Mercer-“

“No.” She interrupted him with a stern look. “I am not going to entertain that insinuation, nor is it appropriate, Jin-young.”

Jin-young blinked a little at her tone. “Right. Sorry.”

Alma slipped the ring back onto her finger, gently closing her dead’s coffin. “Thank you for this box. I appreciate the thought and care you put into it.” But she left it at that as she picked it up and left him at the desk to return to her office.

 -

Nalin looked still engrossed in her file though her attention turned as Alma returned before she leant back but didn’t make much of a remark on her expression as she set the box down onto the desk and followed suit onto a rocky surface.

“Is… is the printer working?” Alma opted to ask.

“Yes.”

Alma nodded. “I want to print a photo out and have it next to my bed.” It’d be nice to look at it again, as much as it hurt. Ignoring it… she had to process it sooner or later. She had plenty of time in recovery to help get her on her way.

Nalin nodded, “Have at it. I’ll be back in a second, I need a drink.”

So, when Nalin got up and left, Alma took the chair and flicked through the drive plugged in and found the photograph she wanted.

It was that one of her and Michael holding the baby bump. One she knew wasn’t too raw to feel in watching. His face was so happy. Content. The same day he had recorded that dumb little video clip that she was sure was on the drive too (she vaguely remembered downloading stuff from his personal monitor). Alma didn’t check. She already had the memory; she didn’t want to see the repeat. She was already shaking the can of emotional worms; she didn’t need to drop it too.

With confirmation it was printing, with the 3D scan of Amanda, Alma sat back with a sigh but thankfully, Nalin returned with a glass of water and what looked like rations.

“So,” Nalin started, “I’ve been thinking about what you asked of me earlier.”

Alma straightened up. “Yes?”

Nalin set her glass down at the side of her desk and perched beside it but still picked on what was in the bag slowly. “It’s a big ask, Cortez. So, if you want me to go down with you to bury your fiancé and daughter, I need you to do something for me.”

Alma’s head turned. “What?”

Nalin lowered her bag. “Talk to the Sarentu kids… or at least Ri’nela. I know you want to wait till after the surgery when they get here but I want you to put in the effort before that. I can be there if you’re too scared to be alone with her but I want you to try and start mending some bridges before that. Show that effort isn’t about what you’re going through. At the end of the day, you need to remember that this isn’t about you.”

Alma’s jaw remained tense. It was be all easy to call the offer off and go down herself but… she didn’t want to do it alone. Talking to Kìoetey… was a little off the board for her. Her arm twinged still about it. “Teylan—“

“No, Teylan doesn’t count. He’s still very vulnerable and not at all in a place you can have such an emotional talk with him.” Nalin dismissed softly. “He’s not ready.”

Her shoulders sagged a little. “Ri’nela’s already dismissed all of my apologies.”

“It’s been some time for her to process since the revelation happened. She has given you multiple opportunities to talk to her the last few days and you’ve not taken it. She is willing to talk. I don’t know if she’s willing to accept the apologies but she’d willing to hear them.” Nalin replied intently. “I want what’s best for Ri’nela too. I know you do as well otherwise, you wouldn’t have backed off.”

“I don’t want to talk to her about my condition…”

“I won’t make you but she’s gonna find out when you’re in a medical bed recovering from brain surgery. I can’t put you behind a screen and say ‘All good’. My confidentiality is limited in a space like this. People are smart. But again, is your condition something you need to tell her in comparison to everything else?”

Alma tusked a little but she did have a point. Her condition… probably wasn’t the most important thing anymore when she was going to be fine. Nalin wasn’t asking her to tell them about…her but their previous problems. Perhaps she had focused on the wrong thing before? There was still a lot unsaid between her and the Sarentu.

“Perhaps…you could be a mediator?” Alma suggested carefully, “My personal health is not on subject but… the rest of it? If it goes anything like after the burial or what Kìoetey did, then maybe we need a middle person?”

Nalin frowned but didn’t look dismissive as she mulled. “I can be.” She decided slowly, “But I won’t be easy if things become messy.”

Which was a clear, but subtle warning that she was firmly not gonna sugar coat anything. Acceptable, she supposed

“Okay.”

Nalin eyed the monitor for a moment. “I’ll finish reading this later.” Gesturing to it, “I think Ri’nela’s outside.”

“Wait, now?”

“Why not? They’re back from the Upper Plains now and no doubt celebrating. Plus, the party will be kicking off in a few hours anyway.”

Alma grimaced a little. A party… maybe it would be best if she sat that out. Maybe Anqa could drop her off at the station, she could sleep in peace and quiet as well…probably the only best night for rest she’d get before the operation. She wouldn’t be able to eat anything or drink much from tomorrow afternoon in preparation for the surgery so it was going to be less comfortable tomorrow.

“Fine.”

 -

Alma walked behind Nalin as they padded out of the airlock and into the cave where most of the Na’vi were still about and she noticed So’lek sitting by the fire close to the stairs, looking to be carving something. She turned her gaze ahead as he noticed her eyes on him and she felt his eyes linger on the back of her head as she went.

“How are your pain levels?” Nalin asked quietly and abruptly as they continued on towards the steps up to the higher levels to the back exit. “I should have asked earlier.”

“Consistent but manageable. Typically about a level four on the scale” Alma replied, adjusting her mask strap a little as it tugged on one of the hidden wires. “The pain meds you gave earlier has helped, probably now at an early three.”

“I’ve got a minor doze I can give you tonight but your system will need to be clear tomorrow to process everything out by Friday. Mixed meds can be dangerous. Especially with anaesthetics.”

“Alright.”

It took a few more minutes before they reached the top. Outside, she could hear soft talking before her jaw tensed to hear both Ri’nela’s voice but also Teylan’s in friendly banter… and Kìoetey’s chuckle ahead. It almost made her stop and turn back but Nalin gave her a hard look as she paused in her step and forced her onwards.

“<… All I’m saying, Teylan is that you should allow Nefika to make you a new hat. Something more colourful.>” Kìoetey was saying, “< or Raj? He’s not as good with Na’vi clothes but he does put a lot of effort and thought in. I considered the thought of Raj and Nefika working together for something but… I think it’ll end with blood drawn and both artists arguing over conflicting interests.>”

“Raj fighting Nefika? That sounds very odd.” Teylan replied in English than Na’vi, but he sounded amused. “He’s very nice…but Nefika is probably bigger than him so if it ever goes to a fight, it’ll be obvious who wins.”

“<I think at best it’ll be verbal spats>” Kìoetey continued, still speaking Na’vi “<She’s very sharp-witted and knows what she likes. Raj has pride in his work too. He does complain about the limit of quality supplies to create clothes. I think he’d throw down with Nefika if he heard her call his creations filth…>”

There was a trail-off when Alma was spotted by the young Sarentu warrior. The amusement of their conversation died on her face before both Ri’nela and Teylan seemed to turn towards them.

Ri’nela’s nose turned up a fraction, her face wiping clear of emotion but turned her attention down to a bowl of fruits she was tending to with her knife. Teylan’s ears pinned back a fraction before he had a conflicted expression linger on his face, his tail lashed a fraction and his hand came to a new armband he had around his bicep. Kìoetey looked to be sewing something but Alma didn’t know what it was from where she was standing.

Three sets of large, suspicious, yellow eyes were suddenly very unnerving that Alma didn’t move, but Nalin had the sense to broach the topic before Alma could consider pilling the rip-cord.

“Sorry for interrupting you,” Nalin apologised, “I was wondering if…you’d allow Cortez to come and talk? I know it’s not my business but I know there’s a lot unsaid and with the new guys coming in a few days, it’ll be really busy along with our celebrations.”

Alma swallowed her unease.

Kìoetey’s eyes turned toward Ri’nela first. “I’ll be willing to talk.”

“I think I’ll go inside. There’s going to be a lot of Na’vi so…I think I’ll help get Na’vi food for us all. So’lek might teach me a few dishes” Teylan decided, rising to his feet and otherwise quickly making his way from the circle and leaving Ri’nela to sigh deeply.

Alma’s eyes followed him away. He comes to her to talk alone once and now he can’t stand to talk with her. He had probably been talked to by Ri’nela about his visit… but Alma didn’t know for sure. It wouldn’t surprise her really he was withdrawing entirely. It still just… made her feel sad. Maybe he’d be more willing to talk to her from her medical bed?

“What do you want to talk about?” Ri’nela asked as if she wasn’t already aware.

“I… I came to apologise if you’re willing to hear it.” Alma clarified, glad to keep her posture tight.

Kìoetey’s eyes flickered to Ri’nela, watching her response carefully.

Ri’nela set down her Shelter fruit and her knife and wiped her fingers with a clean rag and covered the bowl of goods with it. “Tell me, Cortez, what are you apologising for?”

“Excuse me?” Alma frowned in confusion.

“If you want to apologise to me… and my clan, then tell me in detail what you’re apologising for?” Ri’nela spoke, “One thing is to apologise but I don’t know what your apologies are actually addressing. I want to see where your understanding lies with your words.”

That felt like a trap but she could see the girl’s logic to it. If she failed this, then Ri’nela wasn’t going to be easy. Nalin said nothing beside her but made a curious hum, indicating her approval.

“I’m… sorry for leading Mercer to your clan,” Alma started, her mouth turning a little dry as she felt the girl’s hard stare, “I’m sorry I let my ambitions drive me to consider that the Na’vi clans would willingly hand cover their children for our school. There’s no excuse in that thinking.”

“And?” Ri’nela pressed.

Alma’s fingers grasped the hem of her vest to fiddle. “I’m sorry that I kept up Mercer’s lies following your… abduction and did nothing about it. I just… I was—”

“No personal reasoning’s here, Alma.” Nalin interrupted softly.

Alma’s jaw tightened. “I’m sorry I did nothing to stop the abuse Mercer and Harding did to you all… and for the fact I couldn’t have done something to prevent Aha’ri’s death.”

Kìoetey’s lips pursed, but her eyes turned down to her fabric work.

“Keep going,” Ri’nela said.

“I’m sorry that I put you all into cryo sleep for so long and that I didn’t check sooner.” Alma clarified, “I couldn’t have gotten you out then and there. That is fact. I almost got shot myself in my avatar that day, you wouldn’t have gotten out even if I had tried. I should have put more effort into looking and confirming if you were alive or not than run off my assumption.”

Ri’nela’s head turned, her eyes still narrowed. “What else?”

Alma fumbled a little on that. Her mind scrambled to find another pitfall of hers to address. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything, even after I woke you all up and you came to the Resistance. I shouldn’t have left it so long.”

Ri’nela’s expression didn’t change, even as she exchanged a look with Kìoetey and returned a heavy look. “Not good enough.”

Alma’s shoulders slumped. “W-What am I missing?”

Ri’nela rose to her feet, picking up her fruit bowl. “You don’t understand the sheer depth of our pain that you caused. Our families were shot down around us. We were pulled from our mother and father's corpses and restrained. Caged. We were stripped, disinfected and locked into a foreign prison. Our identities were taken away from us and false ones handed to us by you. Not just Mercer.” Ri’nela said, her voice lacking of any warmth. “We lost our way of being Sarentu. Our stories, traditions, rites… our history was snatched away from us because of you. It will take generations before our clan will begin to take our place fully with the people. All of what we can do now is rebuild and try and reclaim what was stolen from us. Perhaps we will live to see our clan whole again… maybe not.” Ri’nela shook her head. “We didn’t deserve what happened to us… and in all honesty, Cortez. I won’t have you around our clan to see if we will succeed. Yes, you are our ally, I accept that but I won’t have anything more than that for what you did to us.”

Alma’s gaze dropped down to the ground.  “I’m sorry.”

“No. No more empty apologies, Cortez.” Ri’nela said coolly. “You have no right to want more from us.”

“I understand.” The words sounded faint on her tongue but Ri’nela just rose to her feet and brushed past her without another word. Kìoetey stayed perhaps ten more seconds before she stood up and left as well.

Alma lingered in the soft wind, her heart heavy but a part of her wondered if Max would take her back to the Eastern base once the surgery was done. If she truly wasn’t wanted… or able to redeem herself into this base of people’s eyes… would leaving this base be the optimal option? Better than living alone at a field lab.

Maybe.

“Come,” Nalin’s hand was almost burning to touch against her cool skin, encouraging her back in. Alma didn’t fight her on that, going willingly.

Masterlist

[mollysmythtymsyllom]

What I Know I Owe 2/10/2019

This is a list of what I have in my drafts or in my Queue. If we have a thread that’s not on this list, please let me know. If you see a thread is missing and didn’t know it was your turn, I would be more than happy to link you! Thanks! 

@agentjadelance

Nathan and Jade - 

@brokexpieces1

Olivia and Athena - D

Parker and Aphrodite - D

@cloudwalkxr

Alex and Eli - D

Evelyn and Callisto - Q

Shauna and Ryder Last straw - Q

@darknesschosen

Cole and Thomas - D

@halfblood-hallestrom

Cole and Liebryn - Q

Justin and Liebryn - D

@innxcentfaces 

Cole and Charlie - D

@leftlipstick

Bennett and Kaci - Q

Dannie and Wren - Q

Dannie and Wren text - D

Kendra and Micha - Q

Lark and Connelly - Q

Ryan and Skylar - D

Tessa and Yvaine - Q

@littlelxstbird 

Cole and Kristina - Q

Dannie and Peter - Q

Will and Kristina - Q

@lucidxdelusion

Lark and Elliot - D

Quinn and Ryan - D

Shauna and Camden - D

@nightxcrashes 

V1 - Birar and Shea - Q

V1 - Briar and Shea adventure - Q

V1 - Harper and Lily - Q

V1 - Kendall and Natalie - D

@okayyeahsurewhynotcool

Will and Leighton - D

@sighsandshouldershrugs

Ryan and Dani - Q

@squrlookal

Cassie and Honour - D

Cole and Vort - D

@tripletroublefisher 

Ryan and Charlie Scars - Q

Ryan, Charlie, and Rogers - Q

Ryan and Charlie food fight - Q

Ryan and Charlie Ice skating - Q

Ryan and Charlie Arcade - Q

Ryan and Charlie seeing his work - Q

Ryan and Rodgers rescue you - Q

Ryan and Charlie workout - Q

Ryan and Rodgers Escape Plan - Q

Ryan, Zach, and Charlie slip up - Q

Ryan and Charlie nightmare - Q

Ryan and Rodgers B&B - Q

Ryan and Rodgers Stay whelmed - Q

Ryan and Charlie tourists - Q

Ryan and Charlie meet the parents - Q

Ryan and Charlie Picking Prizes - Q

Ryan and Rodgers Facing Fears - Q

Ryan and Charlie Playbill - Q

@wingsandahalo 

Cassie and Yvette - D

Harper and Lux - Q

Harper and Lux maze - Q

Justin and Hazel - Q

Max and Verena Cortez - D

Meredith and Grace V-Day - Q

Olivia and Skylar - Q

Olivia and Skylar - Q

Olivia and Luna - Q

Parker and Zane - D

Tessa and Libby - Q

@xgoldenhour 

Jamie and Eloise Pizza - Q

Kane and Eloise For the next ten minutes - Q

Kane and Eloise About us - Q

Kane and Eloise pick your own - Q

[nathancone]

A Year In Movies, 2018

Since 1999, I’ve logged every movie I’ve seen, in the theater, online, or at home on video. In 2018 I saw 89 movies, with some of my favorite new movies being “BlacKkKlansman,” “Paddington 2,” and “Ant-Man and the Wasp.” My favorite new-to-me movies from previous years I discovered included “True Stories” and “Logan.”

Here’s my full list from 2018, in chronological order. If a title is hot-linked, it’ll take you to associated coverage, either writings by me or audio/video. Thanks for reading!

******

Phantom Thread

Paddington 2

Arrival

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

Our Souls at Night

Mudbound

The Post

Germany Year Zero

Trading Places

The Shape of Water

Black Panther

Logan

The Simpsons Movie

Wings

Miss Congeniality

Never Cry Wolf

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Pride and Prejudice

Ready Player One

Viva Max

Red River

Bridget Jones’s Baby

Avengers: Infinity War

The Sugarland Express

Selena

Peaceful Warrior

Spider-Man 2

Stagecoach

The Godfather, Part III

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Jaws

Peter Pan

The Day the Earth Stood Still            

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?            

Daughters of the Dust

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Time Bandits

Incredibles 2

Avatar

On the Waterfront

Forks Over Knives

It Happened One Night

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Ant-Man and the Wasp

A Quiet Place

Full Metal Jacket

The Thin Blue Line

The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez

Teen Titans Go! To The Movies

The Reluctant Dragon

Tokyo Story

The Karate Kid (1984)

Blazing Saddles

The Black Cauldron

Back to the Future

2001: A Space Odyssey

Blaze

In Old Arizona

Crazy Rich Asians

Ocean’s 8

Star Wars: A New Hope

The Tree of Life (Extended Cut)

First Man

Food, Inc.

Napoleon Dynamite

Halloween (2018)

Christopher Robin

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

Paris, Je t’aime

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

Back to the Future, Part II

Koyaanisqatsi

Creed II

True Stories

Ralph Breaks the Internet

Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse

The Last Command

Mary Poppins Returns

The Primary Instinct

Rise of the Planet of the Apes            

An Inconvenient Truth

A Christmas Story

BlacKkKlansman

Annihilation

A Star Is Born (2018)

That’s Entertainment, Part 2

BELOW: An audience member captured the full Q&A session I conducted following a screening of “Napoleon Dynamite” at the Tobin Center for the Performing Arts in downtown San Antonio.

[mikemortgage]

Bill Gross says this secret condition made him a successful investor — and infamously short-tempered

Even after one of the most storied careers in financial markets, Bill Gross has a few surprises left.

For one, he’s been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, the autism-spectrum disorder. Gross says he lived most of his life unaware of the condition and now believes it helps explain not only why he was such a successful investor for so long but also why he could, by his own admission, rub people the wrong way.

Gross, long one of the most vocal critics of post-crisis stimulus, now sounds like a near-convert to modern monetary theory. He says deflation poses a huge challenge for central banks, admires what Japan has done to revive its moribund economy and thinks the U.S. government should consider doubling the size of its deficit.

Bill Gross, the Bond King that racked up one of the longest winning streaks of any money manager, retires

Here’s why Bill Gross’s fund lost a huge $153 million in the first half of the year

Bill Gross’s slumping bond fund sees $580 million in outflows this year amid dismal performance

And the billionaire and registered Republican agrees with Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez that the rich should pay more in taxes — if not quite the 70 per cent she’s proposing at the margin. It’s a “necessary evil” to correct the failings of American capitalism, Gross says, adding that if inequality persists there’ll be a “revolution at the ballot box.”

He even muses on who might inherit his onetime title of king of the bond market.

Last Day

Gross, 74, shared the revelations in a 90-minute interview with Bloomberg Television at his office in Newport Beach, California. He touched on everything from recession risks to a recent round of golf with discount-brokerage pioneer Chuck Schwab as he counted down the hours to his official retirement. Friday will be his last as a portfolio manager with Janus Henderson Group Plc, the firm he joined in 2014.

It’s been 48 years since William Hunt Gross, an Ohio native, Duke University graduate, Navy veteran and blackjack whiz, started as an investment analyst at Pacific Mutual Life. He went on to co-found Pacific Investment Management Co. in 1974 and played the starring role as Pimco grew to become one of the world’s largest asset managers, overseeing more than US$2 trillion at its peak. His Pimco Total Return Fund so reliably beat its bond-market rivals that he was dubbed “the bond king.”

Bill Gross at Pimco in 2000.

More recently, Gross has had less to celebrate. After feuding with his Pimco partners over strategy, succession and managerial control, Gross was ousted in 2014. His second act at Janus was a headline-making dud as poor returns spurred withdrawals. His three-decade marriage fell apart in a split so acrimonious it became fodder for tabloids thousands of miles away.

‘Different Universes’

That’s a lot for anyone to take, let alone a portfolio manager responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars in client money. Yet Gross says he was able to maintain focus and doesn’t blame his personal ordeals for poor investment decisions.

“I’m an Asperger, and Aspergers can compartmentalize,” he said, revealing his diagnosis publicly for the first time. “They can operate in different universes without the other universes affecting them as much. Yeah, I had a nasty divorce, and I still had, you know, feelings about Pimco. But I think I did pretty well in compartmentalizing them. Not that I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and start damning one side or the other. But when I came to work it was all business.”

Shared Characteristics

The reason he failed to deliver better returns at Janus is much simpler: “I made some bad trades.”

Gross learned he has Asperger’s only after reading Michael Lewis’s “The Big Short.” In one passage, Lewis recounts the unusual characteristics of one of the book’s heroes, Michael Burry, a doctor-turned-investor who also was diagnosed with the condition as an adult. Gross recognized that he shared many of the same qualities and had similarly obsessive habits. He went to a psychiatrist, who confirmed the condition.

Bill Gross in 1994.

“It’s allowed me to stay at 30,000 feet as opposed to being on the ground,” Gross said, discussing why he thinks Asperger’s probably made him a better investor, if also infamously short-tempered. “That’s not necessarily good in terms of one-to-one. People think you’re angry or an a-hole or whatever. But it helps you to focus on the longer-term things without getting mixed up in the details.”

Secret Diagnosis

That’s the Bill Gross his former colleagues at Pimco will recognize. For years, they found him aloof, volatile and seemingly lacking in empathy. Symptoms of the disorder range widely, according to the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, and can include degrees of difficulty with social interactions and communication, as well as deeply focused thinking and a preference for consistency and order.

Gross kept his diagnosis a secret, sharing it with close friends, and dropping only one hint publicly. In a February 2016 blog post on investing, Gross speculated as to why he wasn’t included as a character in Lewis’s best-seller: “Perhaps I wasn’t addled enough like co-star hedge fund manager Michael Burry, who I share affection for and an affliction (and it’s not a glass eye).”

While Gross says he’s “sort of proud” of his condition because “it explains a lot about me,” he no longer believes it’s as much of an advantage professionally.

“The markets are substantially different today than they were when I started, more day-to-day, more robotic, more machine-dominated,” he said. “So it’s not a negative, but it’s probably not as much of a positive.”

Deficit Critic

As a bond-market investor, Gross had to have views on monetary and fiscal policy, and he shared them publicly in the investment outlooks he posted regularly on Pimco’s website and, later, on Janus’s. One consistent thread was a critique of budget deficits, zero percent interest rates and quantitative easing. He wrongly predicted they’d spark runaway inflation and hurt returns on stocks and bonds.

Now, Gross appears to be revisiting those views. Although he still believes low-rate policies destroy the risk-reward relationship in a market economy, he recognizes that the government and the Federal Reserve can work together to combat deflationary forces like America’s aging population and Amazon.com.

“Why can’t the government have a US$2-trillion deficit if the Fed is simply going to buy it, like they do in Japan?” Gross said. “Well, Jim Grant would say, ‘Mmm, it would be inflationary.’ But it hasn’t been. So, yeah, I would say Trump or the next president, whoever he or she is, could go to US$2 trillion, as long as the Fed was willing to accommodate.”

Restoring Balance

This clearly isn’t the Bill Gross of 2012, who declared the “cult of equity” dead and predicted an “age of inflation.” He describes his politics as increasingly liberal, and he jokes that he re-registered as a Republican just to pass muster at his country club.

Gross believes tax rates on high earners need to be raised to restore balance in American capitalism and fund benefits for the middle class, such as access to affordable health care. That’s why he’s sympathetic to Ocasio-Cortez, the congressional freshman who has energized the left wing of the Democratic Party, even if he doesn’t agree with all her ideas.

“Maybe the next time, the next election, there will be a ‘socialist’ in the White House,” he said. “The wealthy have been advantaged for a long time and certainly the past few years with the tax cuts. The middle class hasn’t necessarily suffered, but the gap has increased.”

Differing Billionaires

The question is how heavy the tax burden should be. Other billionaires, such as Oaktree Capital Group LLC’s Howard Marks, have warned against the consequences of “confiscatory taxes.” Gross says a top marginal rate of 70 per cent — the number floated by Ocasio-Cortez — would be too high.

“I just think Trump took it too far,” he said.

Gross himself has a fortune the Bloomberg Billionaires Index estimates at US$1.4 billion. He plans to manage that money and the US$500 million in his foundation as a one-man family office. Gross said he’ll do so “conservatively,” investing in closed-end funds and municipal bonds and continuing with one of his favourite trades, selling options on market volatility.

New Routine

His routine, if all goes according to plan, will have him starting at 6:30 or 7 a.m., keeping at it for two or three hours, and then playing a round of golf.

Gross said he wants to be remembered for investing clients’ savings profitably and helping to build a “wealth-creating machine” at Pimco. That leaves only one question: Will there be another bond market king?

Probably not, according to Gross. One reason is the proliferation of passive investment vehicles. Anyone who claims to be a king of index funds is “just a puppet because the market is making the decisions.” Gross volunteered that he wouldn’t pick Jeffrey Gundlach, the chief executive officer and co-founder of DoubleLine Capital who’s frequently cited as the new king. If anyone, he said it might be Scott Minerd, the chief investment officer at Guggenheim Partners, in part because of his “great long-term perspective.”

“In the right environment, 20 years ago, he could have been a bond king,” Gross said. “But I don’t think he’s got the market or maybe the willingness to be a king. Who would? Well, I guess I did. In retrospect it carries a certain burden. The crown is heavy.”

Bloomberg.com

from Financial Post https://ift.tt/2IJUYHr via IFTTT Blogger Mortgage Tumblr Mortgage Evernote Mortgage Wordpress Mortgage href="https://www.diigo.com/user/gelsi11">Diigo Mortgage

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Maximiliano Cortez @max-cortez

location: Kat's house

The plan had been that Rachel and Kat would do some interview questions and working on getting ready for the book, which they had done. But then they'd gone down a few rabbit holes and then it got late and then they'd decided to watch something. The couch had been so comfy and the blanket so cozy that it was hard not to fight off sleep and so it'd been where she had spent the rest of the night. It had certainly not been her intention. She woke up to the noise of footsteps, momentarily forgetting where she was as she opened her eyes and saw Max. She blinked tiredly as her eyes adjusted to the light. "Max? What time is it?" She grumbled a bit as she went looking for her phone realizing it was morning and looked back towards him, the awareness hit that he had not come home last night. Rachel sat up a bit realizing just how sore she was, grimacing from the stiffness of her body. She wondered if he had been avoiding seeing her or if she was giving herself far too much credit and he hadn't even known she was here last night. Either way she felt like shit as she probably looked a mess. "Sorry, it was late and I must have fallen asleep when Kat was watching on TV." Rachel whispered, not sure whether or not Kat was up or not. It felt like she'd invaded his space in some way and was hoping to get out as quickly as possible and give him peace. Her body was screaming with every move she made, realizing just how sore she was from the position she'd fell asleep in.

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Max Cortez @max-cortez

location: Le Cirque Nightclub

The loud music, the dance floor, bodies everywhere even on a Wednesday night. Rachel certainly had never been the clubbing type, but she and her coworkers wanted to celebrate one of their coworker's engagement. And so here she found herself, and if she was to go to any club, she was glad that it was Cam's, because she loved supporting her friend. She did love to dance and though they were celebrating, Rachel was going the zero-proof tonight, not wanting to overdo it in the middle of a week.

A break was badly needed though as she moved closer to one of the edges of the club to drink some water. From across the room, she spotted Max, who she had not seen since the night that he shared a rather big secret with her. He didn't seem like himself though, it almost looked like he was getting in someone's face. Walking over towards where a fight could break out any moment, she tried her best to keep a smile on her face as she looked up towards him. "Hey...everything alright here?"

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Maximiliano Cortez @max-cortez

location: Rachel's House; Summit Lake

Her lips pressed into his shoulder with a smile, feeling like the perfect definition of a Lazy Sunday. The sun was behind the trees now and she was pretty sure that since Max had gotten here, they really hadn't left the bed more than once. She reached over tilting his face towards her to look at him and smiled. This was much more comfortable than she'd ever figured something like friends could be, but after sharing more about things it was relieving to get back to it. "Hi." She said with a grin when she could see his eyes. "Are you hungry?" Rachel asked, not really knowing what she had in the house but figuring that they could always order something if she didn't have anything that sounded good.

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Maximiliano Cortez @max-cortez

location: Hot Air Balloon Ride; Frederick's Farm

She found her head up in clouds in a metaphorical sense even though ironically enough her corporeal being was also up in the clouds. Rachel had found herself up here around a year ago now. It wasn't this same hot air balloon at least but she found herself a lot quieter than she tended to be with Max and blinked over towards him, realizing he was looking at her almost expectantly. "I'm sorry...did you say something? I think the sound of the fire just was too loud." She spoke apologetically, wishing that her problem was just that she was afraid of heights. It would be a much more sensible reason as to why she felt fear in her throat and her heart pounding. When she shared that she would love to go up in the sky, she had felt an inkling that it might bring up some of those feelings again, but Rachel thought that maybe going back up would be a healthy way to find some more closure. She looked back over towards Max and smiled, taking a hold of his hand and giving it a small squeeze. "I told you about what happened last year at this festival, right?" Rachel felt like they were up here already, she might as well share it all with Max. He had shown her nothing but kindness and understanding.

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Max Cortez @max-cortez

location: Emmy & Ver's Wedding Reception

Rachel had, as expected, teared up during the wedding and vows and all the sweet little moments, but she also was having a great time too. This time she'd decided no plus one, considering the last time she'd come to one of these things it'd became clear that people had misunderstood there was only friendship between her and her date. And with her plunging gown, she was looking to enjoy herself and feel sexy, not worry about ten people telling her that maybe she'd find something again.

She had had a few of the Sour Patch drinks that had been Ver's signature and she was feeling good and gathered up the courage to ask what she'd been wanting to ask all night and make her way towards a certain tattoo artist was waiting for his next appointment and that was going to be her. "Hello Sir, I'm here to get a Lover tattoo right here?" She made her voice a bit lower as she pretended to be someone else as she stood behind Max and pointed towards the inside of her left arm muscle, waiting for him to turn around.

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Max Cortez @max-cortez

location: Rachel's 39th Birthday Party

Rachel was pretty sure that it'd been awhile since she'd smiled this much. Not that her life had been particularly stressful as of late, she just hadn't really had this much fun in awhile. She had contemplated in the beginning if throwing herself a party sounded lame, but she had pushed that thought aside pretty quickly. And she was extremely happy she had, because she'd been dancing and singing and drinking and being merry, and this had been one of her best birthdays in a long time. A perfect way to start the end of her thirties.

Rachel had just moved away from the dance floor, panting still as she moved to grab herself some water when she noticed Max. Her smile grew a little more as she gave him a small nudge. "Hey! Thanks for coming, Max. It really means a lot to me. Are you having a good time?!" She hoped he was since he deserved to be having a good time and knew how genuine she was being about the fact that she really did appreciate him being here.

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Maximiliano Cortez @max-cortez​

location: High Standards; Bighorn Hills

Rachel was in need of restock as she was running low on CBD products and blunts. She no longer had the type of pain that made smoking necessary for management, but now it was just something recreationally every now and again with a few friends. It was silly but it always made her feel young again. Grabbing a new snack to try out, she could hardly miss the man in the same section as her. Rachel had not seen Max since the morning after the soiree when he’d left her house after quite a good night spent together. But now they were in clothes again and she still found herself smiling rather than feeling any shame for what they’d done together. “Fancy seeing you here.” It seemed like their interactions were all run-ins with one exception. Whether that was intentional or not she wasn’t quite sure. “How’ve you been?”

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Maximiliano Cortez @max-cortez​

location: Snowball Soiree 

It had been a little bit now since she had seen Max, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t thought about the way their last meeting had ended. Sometimes she could still feel the pressure of his lips against hers and certainly the reminder of it by the flowers that stayed in her kitchen. She’d been at the soiree for some time now, although the event was for the general public it had been at Leticia’s urging that she go to place donations on her behalf too. But she hadn’t expected to see Max there. She saw him before he saw her, which wasn’t really all that great a feat considering his height versus hers. Approaching the drinks where he stood, she gave a small tap on his shoulder. “You know, the flowers are still going strong, I’ve never had them last this long before.” Rachel admitted with a smile. “I’m surprised to see you here.” She added honestly not having thought that from what she knew of him that an event so formal would be something he would be interested in. 

[rachelhargrovearchived]

character: Maximiliano Cortez @max-cortez​

location: Kat’s house, New Year’s Eve

Rachel patted herself on the back for her yenta love advice she’d given Emmy, but it also left her once again without plans for the night. She went to Frontier Foods before it was too late and decided to get some prosecco and venture out to Kat’s place, wanting to surprise her. She really hadn’t thought to text and ask about whether or not she already had plans. Sometimes it was just nice to do something spontaneous and see where the night took her. Ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door in a little diddy she was about to start talking as soon as it opened until she was realizing that this was not Katerina. “Oh...um well my Kat, you grew a whole foot since I last saw you. And your tattoos are all different.” Rachel said a bit flustered as she tried to make a joke at Max who was now standing shirtless in the doorway.