#thr smallest speck of dust in the world <- i was going to word that better / funnier / clever im just falling flat on my face and my phone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pepprs · 2 years ago

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also omg sorry i keep double vent posting not to mention vent posting at all and i really need to not do that bc it’s so late and i still have to clean the whole kitchen by myself (LOL!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖) but i am so backed into a corner by this therapy situation like the way i cannot tell my counselor abt any of the things happening to me in real time AT ALL and i skipped my session this week in part bc he has me doing this erikson stages of psychology thing now and we literally are not gonna talk abt anything else happening until we get thru all the stages and i didn’t do my homework for it BC IM VERY BUSY AND ALSO UNWILLING TO MAKE MYSELF EVEN MORE MISERABLE??? DUH??? so we skipped the session and i feel so scolded and he sent me a voice memo telling me he thought we should skip it like Omg why is this a class and not counseling 😭 but i also was glad to skip it bc otherwise we would’ve talked abt things happening for me rn and i don’t even feel safe doing that w him at all anymore after the session we had at the beginning of this yr and i know it’s bad and i know i need to leave and i don’t know how. omg

#purrs #what i need actually (and he KNOWS THIS bc i wouldn’t have had this fucking homework thst is going to retraumatize me if i do it by myself b #bc i can’t do it in a session where he guides me thru it!!!!) is to have a private soundproof room where i can scream and sob for like 30 mi #minutes without being disturbed… AND/OR stability in the p*rent(al figure) department (🥴🤡🤮🤑🤠🤐🥴💀🥸🙈🤕). and it is the WAY SHAPE AND FORM in whi #which by virtue of the person i am i cannot have either of those things. like omg no wonder why i look like ive been mauled by a bear it’s b #because i have! but on the inside 💖#delete later #not just parental btw it’s like.. guidance AT ALL including counseling. like omgdjjdbd why can none of the ppl who are in my life to protect #and guide me whether they actually know they are doing that or not able to like. do that CONSISTENTLY through the years. and why am i a #thr smallest speck of dust in the world <- i was going to word that better / funnier / clever im just falling flat on my face and my phone #is dying AJD i have to go fucking clean. stick figure biting stick.jpg

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