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satuguro · 4 years

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selfless

IN WHICH: you go out on a date and sugawara koushi can only be a supportive best friend, even though he wants to be so much more.

PAIRINGS: sugawara koushi x reader, akaashi keiji x reader

INSPIRED BY: coffee breath — sofia mills, bubble gum — clairo

WARNING: cussing, some angst if you squint

“i got a date with him! could you believe it?”

you let out a loud laugh, your nerves and excitement radiating off of you in waves.

he could only force a bittersweet smile.

“no, i can’t.”

“c’mon, koushi, show a lil’ more encouragement, yeah?” you squealed, falling back in the couch as you let your hands raise above your head. you were blissed out, so high on adrenaline and giddiness and that you didn’t see the regret that filled sugawara’s golden eyes.

he needed to just stop feeling. just for one moment.

“what’s his name again?” koushi asked, making you sit up straight immediately to regain your composure.

“gimme a sec.” you typed away on your phone, well aware of sugawara’s gaze over your shoulder. his breath was right next to your ear, sending shivers up and down your spine. you pushed away the feeling almost immediately; you had a date. you had a date with someone who liked you back.

“aha!” you handed him your phone shamelessly, smile never leaving your face as you awaited his response.

you could tell that he was reading him. it was a simple picture, one of him with an endearing smile towards whoever was in front of him. he wore a simple black turtleneck and a beige coat— he had good style. his black hair was ruffled and messy, nothing like the perfection around him. he looked like he fell right out of a drama series.

of course, he fell for you. you looked like you fell from heaven itself; you were both made for each other.

“akaashi keiji,” you announced, his name falling from your lips like a wish. “so? what do you think?” you were asking him for his opinion as if akaashi was a wonderful and spontaneous idea that you wanted your dear old friend to hear about. you were looking at him expectingly, eyes glimmering with hope— hope for what? for koushi to like him? for him to say, ‘that’s wonderful y/n, you’ll be happy with him, and he’ll treat you well.’

“i,” sugawara’s words died in his throat, and he was suddenly aware of how dry his throat felt. he struggled for words, the confidence he once held when speaking to others now replaced by utter panic and embarrassment. his mind was racing, rummaging and searching in the depths of his brain in a scramble to find some words that would save the poor boy from his pain. “i don’t like him.” and just like that, the words were spat out before koushi could grab them again.

like a dying flower, the light and excitement in your eyes faded into nothing as you blinked.

once. twice. three times.

“you... you don’t?” you stuttered, disbelief within your tone as you stared at him. your face was unreadable, the happiness and giddiness from before now murky within the black of your eyes.

“i didn’t mean it like that!” panic. pure and utter panic raced through his body like an electrical shock. “i just—“

“why’re you freaking out?” similarly to how a falling leaf would gently touch the water’s surface, the faintest of smiles graced your face. your hand reached out to koushi and found its solace on his shoulder. there it perched and stayed, sending waves of warmth and comfort to his rigid body.

“what do you mean?” koushi forced past the bile he suddenly felt like vomiting, his golden eyes suddenly set on his lap as if it was the most interesting item known to man.

“kou,” you began, thumbing at the pale beige of his sweater, eyes deep in thought, “your opinion matters to me. no matter the answer, i wouldn’t mind. because it’s you.”

god, koushi wished you had said those last words under different circumstances. his heart ached as he looked at you, the warmth of your eyes so inviting that he would fall in over and over again if he could.

maybe he had fallen. maybe he had done it more than once and ran back for more. he would run back to you a thousand times if he could.

maybe that was the dangerous part of you. no matter how welcoming, how caring, or how patient you have been to everyone, you were always able to get them wrapped around your finger and hanging off your every words. but you never knew that yourself. if you did, you’d stop speaking all together; you’d never accept it.

“so stop worrying!” you chuckled, allowing your hand to fall from its place at his shoulder. your head replaced it, gentle and affectionate as you stared at the movie that was playing out on the t.v in from tof both of you.

sugawara nodded numbly. “i’ll stop,” he said, and he could only hope that he’d keep his promise.

“y/n, you might fall!”

sugawara felt like he was going to lose his head. seeing you standing on a thick branch of a tree that felt like it stretched up to the sky for miles. this was it— he’d die from worry at the ripe age of nine. right before his double digit birthday!

he could see it now: sugawara koushi, wonderful and caring son, dead at the age of nine alongside his best friend, l/n y/n, who also caused his death.

“c’mon, koushi!” you jumped on the tree branch, and as it bent, another spark of wordy coursed through him. “be brave! be strong!” you encouraged, putting on a mighty voice as you placed a hand on your hip and looked out into the horizon.

“you don’t know what’s up there! like snakes and spiders and — oh my god, ew, spiders!” sugawara babbled, propping his colorful backpack against the tree. helplessly, he looked up at you; wind blowing through your hair, expression much too serious for an 8 year old, with your hand on your hip as if you were posing.

“suga, listen!” the heroic pose you were once in broke as you stared down at your worrisome friend. all form of intimidation and determination died when you saw the amount of worry sugawara actually had; his hands were twiddling together, his eyes were aide, and his bottom lip was quivering ever so slightly. you swallowed. “the world is full of the unknown. everything is unknown until you make it known.” you paused before tilting your head as you gazed down at him. “does that make sense?”

sugawara could only nod. your words echoed in his head like a mantra, and he pulled the sleeves of his hoodie up as he readied himself.

“i’m ready— pull me up!”

you twirled once for him, allowing your white skirt to lift up along with the wind.

the pleated skirt you wore showcased your legs perfectly, and the oversized blue college sweatshirt you wore was perfectly oversized on your body. under the sweatshirt was a white button up that peaked through the crew neck of the sweater. your makeup was different — did you add a tad more blush than usual? — but you looked as beautiful as ever.

“do you think this is good? we’re just meeting somewhere but still—“

“you’re beautiful.” his words slipped out, his tone nothing but serious and sincere as he looked at you.

you smiled at him, the flash of your pearly whites like a ray of sunshine. sugawara found himself smiling back, much too focused in forcing a facade to notice the sudden waver in your grin. his smile was like a rainbow on a sunny day; beautiful enough to catch everyone’s eye and mystical enough to bring a sense of excitement into your veins for a moment.

how odd.

“shit! i need to hurry!” you checked the time before swinging your white tote bag over your shoulder and hastily packing your items inside. you pulled out a drawer from your living room table, taking out an obnoxiously long roll of condoms that you struggled to control.

“how many rounds are you planning for tonight?” sugawara couldn’t help but tease (though it made his heart wrench), making you roll your eyes and stick your tongue out. you stuffed a few of them into your purse, blind to the way he looked at you longingly.

you pulled your shoes on, trying to calm yourself. you looked at yourself once more in your nearby mirror, offering yourself a nervous smile before turning to sugawara.

his mind seemed elsewhere, his eyes still set on you and your body practically sparkling with nervousness. yet he still gave you a beaming smile and a (half hearted) thumbs up that calmed your anxiousness almost instantaneously.

“make sure to lock up when you leave!” you sent him one last grin as you opened the door. the door slammed behind you, leaving only a shadow of where you once stood.

koushi continued to stare at the white of the door.

his last days in karasuno. sugawara could barely keep himself together; he was sure that he was crying and slobbering all over his friends when he was saying his goodbyes in the gym.

well, it wasn’t his fault. he was leaving— he had all the right in the world to slobber on them.

he needed to catch his train. he gave his team one last smile as they listened to daichi scold them all for being so, so, so stupid during their last year and how he still loved them all the same (asahi, tanaka, and noya were having a hard time keeping themselves together because of their retiring captain). sugawara stood next to him, taking in the comforting sight of his team.

“koushi!”

your scream, loud and out of breath, made sugawara freeze.

you were standing behind him, pure rage and sadness brewing in your eyes like a hurricane. yachi stood next to you, practically cowering under your presence, and sugawara knew you asked the blond for his whereabouts.

he had planned on saying goodbye at your house.

sugawara wanted to say something. he wanted to tell you that he’d say good bye in privacy, without the wandering eyes of his team and the knowing eyes of daichi, who knew completely of his feelings towards you. but he said nothing, for you had taken his breath away when you swiftly ran up to him and hugged him from behind.

your arms wrapped around his torso, your face pressed to his back as you held onto him like a koala. “i’d hit you if you weren’t leaving,” you said, words muffled against his shirt.

“just do it anyway!” tsukishima commented in the background withh a snort.

the snickers of the first and second years were drowned out by sugawara’s rapidly beating heart, the feeling of you being so close bringing butterflies — hell, not even butterflies, a whole tornado — to his stomach. he carefully turned to face you, and you took a step back, your eyes glassy with wet tears.

the simple sight of it made his own vision blurry, and the both of you said nothing as you finally met in the middle. your arms wrapped around each other, years upon years of friendship now teetering and being threatened with distance. the rest of the world faded to black, and in that moment, it was only the two of you.

“visit. call. text. send me letters— do whatever the hell you need to do just please, please keep contact.” you were both teary faced messes, that much was obvious, but the idea that your life long best friend was leaving was too much to bear. you didn’t want him to go; what would you do without koushi?

koushi asked himself the same thing about you. what would he do without you?

two weeks and three days.

that was how long it had been since you had gone out on a date with akashi keiji. you hadn’t gone out with him since— not for any bad reason, though.

“you and koushi?”

“what about us?” you laughed, finger playing along the rim of your glass. but when you saw that he didn’t laugh along with you, you frowned.

you were friends before akaashi had asked you out. you knew that he was deep in his thoughts; his brows were knit together, and a frown twitched at the side of his lips. “akaashi. what about us?”

“you like him, don’t you?”

you wanted to forget about his words. you didn’t want to hear anything about your ‘feelings’ for koushi— they didn’t exist. your feelings for him were never there.

you were reminding yourself of that fact even as you got shit faced drunk with him right by your side.

shitty boxed wine was laid out everywhere while you sipped a bottle of champagne, pretending not to see koushi’s pout as you finished half the bottle. lazily, you smiled at him.

“it’s good.”

“yeah, no shit,” suga snorted, reaching his out and making his fingers make grabby hands. you pulled it away from him with a musical laugh, one that made his already flushed cheeks bloom a deeper red. again, he pouted, his bottom lip jutting out. “y/n,” he drawled, reaching out again only to have you move it out of his way.

“koushi,” you mocked, sticking your tongue out as if you were a child. he was adorable like this.

“no. i don’t want to talk about this.” you laughed in disbelief as you looked down. how could he make such an accusation? how could akaashi just blurt it out out of nowhere as if you hadn’t agreed to go out with him when he asked? he had no right.

he had no right asking when he knew the answer.

akaashi looked at you, a ghost of a pained smile on his lips. of course, he was hurt. how could he not? he had pined for you since he first saw you, and sugawara...

sugawara had you and he didn’t even know.

he wasn’t selfish. akaashi keiji was not selfish in the slightest, and maybe that was why he was doing this for your happiness. he was doing it because he knew it was right.

even if he was going to be hurt in the process.

“you look at him like he’s your morning cup of coffee,” akaashi said softly. “your eyes light up and this beautiful smile dawns over your face,” he swallowed thickly. “the sight of him makes you happy. he makes you happy.”

you peered up at him, a sorrowful smile blessing your features. yet again, akaashi cursed his heart for beating so quickly upon the sight.

akaashi keiji was not selfish in the slightest.

“i’m sorry, akaashi.”

he was a selfless person who could care less for himself.

“i am too, y/n.”

that was why he was letting you go.

“i will commit a crime to end up on national news,” sugawara threatened with the most serious face he could muster, his hand still outstretched towards you expectingly.

“sangwoo much?” you retorted with a laugh, one that made sugawara join you. in that second of vulnerability, koushi surged forward and practically tackled you, his hand ready to meet the bottle.

instead, he ended up pinning you down onto the couch with himself on top of you. the champagne was long gone and rolling and spilling all over your hardwood floor, but you couldn’t care less.

“suga, the champagne!” you whined out drunkenly, completely unaware of the lack of space between you both.

sugawara’s hand was on one side of your head, which was keeping his body from smushing you. his grey hair, which he had chosen to grow out just a bit, tickled the top of your nose as he hovered over you. his other hand, the one that was supposed to grab the champagne, found its place on the other side of your head.

your laughter soon died out when you felt his breath fanning over your face. your heart was beating hard enough to make a mark on your chest.

your hand came up to touch one side of his face, your thumb stroking his cheek softly. koushi leaned into your touch, his eyes full of adoration as he looked down at you.

you leaned up just as he leaned down, and your lips found themselves in the middle.

he tasted like shitty boxed alcohol and smelled like vanilla. you could feel his hair brush over your forehead as you leaned up to meet his lips better. koushi was intoxicating, and his scent and taste filled your senses as you kissed him.

the champagne still lingered on your tongue, and koushi could taste it as your tongues swiped over each other with each kiss. he felt himself pour all his years of unspoken love in the kiss. more than a decade of yearning for someone who was so close but so far finally paid off.

koushi pulled away from you as he took a deep breath of air. he couldn’t help the contagious smile he had on his face, one that you returned instantly.

“i love you,” you murmured, your thumb brushing over his beauty mark.

dramatically, sugawara gasped. “say sike right now, no way.”

“kou,” you groaned, using your hand to playfully flick at his nose.

loudly, sugawara laughed. he felt his cheeks ache and his heart flutter as he did, the relief finally hitting him as well as the realization that holy shit, you loved him back.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry.” he leaned back in, making your noses poke each other as he pecked your lips one last time.

“i love you too. more than you’ll ever know.”

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