#thoughts prayers good vibes etc for my dad please

[zouisalmightie]

there’s a wildfire near where i grew up and now my dad who still lives in the area isn’t answering his phone 🙃

[liggytheauthoress]

family crisis update under the cut. trigger warnings for talk about cancer.

so yesterday my dad unexpectedly had to go to the hospital for what we thought was a kidney stone. except then mom got home last night and told us it’s not that, it’s prostate cancer.

we don’t know much more than that right now bc still waiting on test results but.

i am not. handling it super well. the rest of my family seems to be handling it a lot better, my dad included, but rn i’m pretty much just. wallowing, i guess.

i debated even making a post about this but i consider several of you very good friends and i thought you deserved to know why i’m probably going to be fairly inactive for the foreseeable future (or possibly i’ll be extremely active, depends on how i decide to distract myself).

thank you so much to everyone who has sent good vibes/prayers/etc.

also i don’t think anyone who follows me here knows me irl but if you do, please keep this to yourself. i get that that’s kind of a stupid request considering i’m posting about it here but there’s a fair amount of anonymity here and honestly i just. i need to vent somewhere.

[bailey-whalieee]

Things Are Different Now.

WARNINGS- this chapter depicts gun violence, shootings, & murder. Please do not reader if you are triggered by any of that!! And please reach out if I forgot to add something!(also, this is not edited so beware) 

ONE

✮

In the Rogers-Barnes household they had three simple and easy rules, and usually Maggie had no problem following them, until now.

No parties: they can lead to misunderstandings and are usually unsafe.

Be honest, nothing you’ve done will ever make us love you any less.

Always stand up for what you believe in and never back down from a challenge. 

Her hands were entangled with her friend’s as they danced in somebody’s random kitchen filled sweaty, teenage bodies and alcohol. The haze of cannabis flavored clouds blurred the room adding to the vibe.

A loud laugh erupted from the both of them as they finally stopped the horrendous dancing and came back to their senses.

Maggie’s gut filled with shame the moment her phone buzzed and it was her father.

Daddio

having fun, kiddo??

10:37 pm

She huffed and groaned, “why did my parents have to make me such a guilt-filled child..?”

“Because Cap and Sarge are what you call helicopter parents, Maggs. You just gotta break the rules and not tell them, simple as that,” Emma snickered, watching the girl roll her eyes, “you know I’m true.”

Maggs-a-million

yes! love you and pops!

10:42 pm

Maggie and Emma had been best friends since they were in pre-school, and since then, they were practically inseparable. Either Emma was at the Rogers-Barnes household or Maggie was at the Anderson household. They spent vacations together, holidays, summer break, etc… If anything, Steve and Bucky felt as though they had adopted Emma too.

“C’mon! Let’s go get a drink, maybe that’ll loosen you up,” Emma suggested, winking.

She didn’t even want to be here. It didn’t feel right, something just didn’t settle right within her. Maggie didn’t break rules, there was always a reason rules were put into place so why break them.

Breaking the party rule and now Emma wanted her to drink, it overstepped way too many boundaries.

“Em, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Why don’t we just go back to your house and eat the rest of the cheesecake?” she furrowed her eyebrow, stumbling as the other girl practically dragged her throughout the house.

She moaned turning on her heels, “oh c’mon, Maggie. You’re sixteen and you’ve never been to a party or even kissed a boy! Let alone had sex! Let loose, have some fun! You’re always uptight, why can’t you just have fun?”

Immediately, it was a blow to the chest. Maggie’s face dropped at her words, they stung like a smack across the cheek.

Emma covered her mouth regretting the words the moment they left her tongue, “wait, maggs- holy shit…”

“What Emma? What?” Maggie muttered, trying to keep the spite in her voice low.

And the moment the first bullet rang through the air, Maggie dived towards Emma pushing both of them to the ground.

Chaos expelled from the crowd within the four walled house. Fear overrode logic as the two tried to exit. Another shot fired. More screams. Then another shot. Cries and begs of help emitted.

“Do you wanna fucking die?! Get the fuck down!” the shooter shouted, aiming the gun all around the room.

Maggie crawled behind the island in the kitchen, finding refuge from the man. Panic arised in her chest after noticing Emma was no longer beside her and left vulnerable to the psycho. Her knees were tucked to her chest, trying to conceal as much of her as she could. “Awe! Is someone scared? Guess what, I don’t give a fuck, bye-bye!” the armed man smirked underneath the mask and pulled the trigger.

Maggie flinched, covering her ears to avoid hearing the awful pain filled screams and cries. Everything felt nightmarish. It didn’t feel real, the whole event didn’t feel real. She didn’t want to actually want to think this could happen.

“You know who did this? You all did. This is all your fault, all your fucking fault!”

The voice grew closer and closer to her. Heavy footsteps vibrated the flooring around her, making her heartstop within her chest. Maggie’s lips parted saying her final prayer, this was the end or so she thought.

Her eyes opened to find black cargo pants and heavy military grade boots, mocking her every being.

He chuckled, crouching down to her height. Maggie flinched and clenched her glassy eyes shut. This is the end. This is the end. This is the end. This is the end. Like a mantra playing over and over again, she awaited for the pain, for the bullet, but nothing came.

Nothing, but a leather covered hand wiping the fallen tear off her face.

“You were always super nice to me and look, it saved your life,” he sneered, patting her flushed cheeks softly, “also, be careful in the living room. Wouldn’t want you to step in some blood. Now leave.”

Maggie didn’t need to be told twice, and she didn’t really feel like sticking around to find out. The living room was an absolute bloodbath. Teenagers, her classmates, friends, people she grew up with, were lying dead on the carpeted flooring. Lifeless. Gone.

Her stomach churned unpleasantly at the site, but nonetheless she exited the hellsite. Emma had found her way out of the house, and stood by a street sign trying to keep herself together.

“Maggie? Maggie! Holy shit! Are you okay?” Emma’s hands found her shoulders, shaking them softly, “Maggs? Hey, can you hear me?”

She pushed herself out of her hands, shaking her head, “I'm fine..”

Maggie couldn’t think straight. The amount of blood that stained the carpets and their lifeless eyes staring up at her as she exited the house. And the military grade boots thumping against the tiling flooring as he got closer to her.

“Where the fuck are you going, Maggie?” She shouted, throwing her hands up in an exasperated motion.

“I… uh, I’m going home. I need to be alone right now. Please be safe, I love you Em,” Maggie turned around, answering the girl.

“Are you crazy? Maggie! Maggie for fucksake! It’s midnight! You are so damn infuriating!”

She didn’t listen to her ramble on about how bad of a friend she was, instead, Maggie ran. She ran until her lungs burned and the cramp in her side became unbearable and eventually, she spilled all the contents in her stomach on the pavement a couple feet from her home.

As if, Maggie spewing chunks on the walkway wasn’t suspicious enough, now she was about to walk through the door at eleven thirty-six pm. Perfect. Her two super-soldier for dad’s totally wouldn’t think any of it..

Her hand twisted the knob of the door open and walked through the threshold. Steve and Bucky were both half asleep on the couch when she walked in. Bucky practically smothering Steve’s body from laying completely on top of it.

They were only awakened because the AI system let them know that Maggie walked through the door. “Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, Miss. Maggie has arrived home,” JARVIS announced making her cringe.

Steve and Bucky flinched from the volume of the system, but turned their attention to their daughter who stood in the doorway as white as a sheet of paper.

“Maggie, sweetheart, what are you doing here? And how did you even get home?” Steve yawned, stretching, “I’m not upset with you, but a text would’ve been nice, doll. That way we could’ve come and gotcha’.”

Bucky furrowed his eyebrow, “why are you so pale? You look like you’ve seen a ghost..”

Glancing down at the dirtied sneakers, Maggie struggled to come up with an excuse, “I got sick.. And Emma drove me here, sorry dad.”

Steve and Bucky’s faces fell and they rounded the couch to meet her in the doorway. “Awe, Maggs, what happened? Do you need something? I think we have theraflu in the cabinet?” Steve rambled, placing the back of his hand on the top of her head.

“No, no, no, just a little bug. Nothing too extreme, promise. I’m going to head to bed, okay?” she muttered, sighing.

“Okay, doll, goodnight and sweetest dreams,” Bucky gave a small smile before kissing the top of her head.

She nodded, hugging both of them bidding her goodnites and she ascended up the staircase. “Maggie, if something happened, please don’t be afraid to talk to us, angel. Nothing is too severe to stop us loving you, okay?” Steve reminded, lifting an eyebrow.

“I know dad, I know,” she nodded, almost whispering.

Tears pricked in her eyes when the door to her room finally shut. Violent sobs wracked her body, spilling down her cheeks and onto the pillow.

The worst part was knowing the fact she couldn’t even tell the people she loved the most, what had happened. If only she hadn’t gone, if only Emma settled for the night in instead of the night out, things would be different.

Maggie Rogers-Barnes learned that sometimes nightmares are actually people..  

✮

[illitten]

My dad tested positive for COVID-19 today, with symptoms.

Please send any thoughts, prayers, good vibes, etc our way.

[inmyarmswrappedin]

DRUCK reactions - s4 ep2

With special thanks to Michi ( @wodrueckts ) for looking over it to make sure I didn’t say anything glaringly wrong. 💛

CLIP 1: It’s hard out there for a hijabi

Here’s one thing I like about this episode: the shot of the tiara spinning in the air. That said, it’s kind of inexplicable. It’s been like a month since the Abiball, so what’s the tiara doing here? Was Amira holding onto it all this time? Did she have this vision of, like, sorting out her shit as she prepares to move out of her parents’ home, and remembering how her gay friend gave the tiara to her because he hated that his boyfriend was so hot he just naturally won all popularity contests? And she was like, “Imma do a solid for future Amira and get rid of this dollar store tiara right now”?

Anyway.

So far, Amira M.’s season has been the only Sana season not to drop during Ramadan. Seems like the Druck team thought they might not even get to Amira, and then they got renewed at the eleventh hour. So they needed to put that shit out quick because the character was set to leave for Australia and anyway it would’ve been really weird to do an Amira season in uni, and then go back to high school with the next gen. So this season is set in summer, and depending on what Wtfock does with Yasmina, it might be the only Sana season to do so.

I think setting this clip lakeside was pretty clever. Plenty of chances to show people in swimming suits or skimpy clothing, as well as people’s reactions to Amira’s burkini. It very quickly sets the stage for the season, same as the bus montage did for Sana in Skam.

I’m not sure how to feel about Sam thinking cunnilingus is boring. Is she sure she’s having it done right? I thought Abdi had a longer than average tongue.

And thanks to Michi, I discovered that this was a reference to Skam, which I didn’t even know because I still had the gdrive subs for s2, where Chris says getting eaten out in Gran Canaria was fun, as opposed to the new subs, where she says it was boring as shit and she fell asleep.

I can’t remember whether Sana’s prayer app ever went off in front of the girl squad. When Skam España did it, the girls immediately freaked the fuck out at the thought of Amira praying right in the middle of a street party. In this case, Kiki looks at Amira for a second. Amira turns the app off though, so we never find out what the girls would’ve done if Amira were to pray right there. Or if it’s happened before. (I’ve been told by Michi this has happened before but the girls didn’t have a reaction then either.)

“Girls, why does it always have to be about boys with you guys?” GO OFF, AMIRA. I remember when I watched the season live, I became exhausted at all the boy talk, so it’ll be interesting to see if I still get this feeling watching the episodes.

In comparison to Vilde, Kiki is also a good sport about Amira wanting this topic to be over. I mean, she laughs a little (perhaps knowingly?), but Kiki is always up for changing the topic to something else about her… Like her and Carlos’ house hunting!

And also, Druck has sent Mia off to Spain to reassure viewers that this Noora won’t take over the season like other Nooras. (Ahem.)

For lack of something to talk about, Amira brings up boxing. Kiki is immediately interested, since she loves working out. Amira is really not into the idea of her brothers getting to know her friends, so she uses Hanna’s reticence to shoot Kiki down.

Her mood has been spoiled all in all, so she stays back to feel alienated as the girls splash around.

She does look cute as hell in her burkini and sunglasses though.

CLIP 2: Am I a bet? Am I a fucking bet?

I really like the blink and you’ll miss it shot of (I think is) the customized snow globe with the Nadia and Amira pic.

Some other stuff in Amira’s room: A polisci book, a list of lodgings in Sydney open on her browser, and what I’m pretty sure is a save the date card from Nadia and her fiancé. This is a very smart way to set up Amira’s character for people who might not have been paying a lot of attention to her so far. It’s always fun to get a peek at a Skams character’s bedroom for the first time.

Amira’s season came after Imane’s, and one thing I immediately liked more about Druck was that they spent time with the prayer scenes. I remember ONE (1) scene where Imane prayed in Skam France, and we only got to see the tail end of it.

I’m pretty sure the game the Mahmoodis play doesn’t actually exist, which probably has to do with having to pay royalties to show a real game. Interestingly(?), when I searched Dr. Whoo and Chopstick on google, it led me to Doctor Who pages, so I wonder if it’s all an elaborate Doctor Who reference on the part of someone in the Druck team.

In Skam, Sana misses the shot because the balloon squad are talking throughout the whole song, but Amira loses because Mohammed literally leans into her line of sight to make eye contact. In general, Mohammed is a lot more suave and savvier than Yousef ever was.

CLIP 3: This apartment is gonna kill somebody

And on a similar note but related to Amira, she is set up as someone the other girls rely on for advice. Kiki needs her help with the renter, while Sam asks her for romantic advice. I think the reason for this might be that while the girls didn’t exactly rely on Sana for advice in Skam, Sana was the one with the ideas since the start. Amira doesn’t necessarily take charge of situations the way Sana did, but there’s this notion that without Amira, the squad would fall apart.

The Berlin housing market = shantycore goals.

I also like the bit of subtle social commentary in Amira’s speech, about middle aged people helping young adults get started with life, so the latter can support the former when it comes to pensions, etc.

CLIP 4: Huh.

So even though Amira didn’t want the girls at the gym earlier, they are here now.

The day before, Amira posted a story on ig reminding the girls about the boxing class, with no indication that she ever tried to get them not to come.

Hanna gives a quick bit of exposition when she mentions Stefan is already working full time (and in a job that presumably requires a uni degree) while she just graduated high school. Which she finds weird.

As in Skam, Essam calls Amira ‘slave,’ which Kiki and Hanna notice. Amira quickly says it has to do with a bet, and the subject gets dropped.

When the season was airing, I thought for sure this wasn’t the end of it, and it would be brought up again, either through Kiki, Hanna, or possibly Stefan via Hanna. But no, this is really the end of that storyline.

My question is, why? What is the point of recreating this storyline from Skam (even going through the trouble of setting up a week during the hiatus between episodes 31 and 32, where Amira wins and Essam has to be the slave) if you’re just going to drop it in the same episode? It’s bad writing because we’re still in the stage of the season where storylines are being set up for later. It’s bad writing because Kiki and/or Hanna literally never bring up this bet/slave business again after devoting several clips and a bunch of social media to it. It’s like the writers didn’t really want to adapt this storyline from Skam, but they also didn’t have a ton of ideas for this week. Or maybe they were going to go somewhere with it, but then they changed their minds because it made some character look bad, but they forgot to take it out.  

Like okay, fine, it wasn’t my favorite storyline in Skam either. It made Vilde look like an idiot at best, or a racist and a traitor at worst. But then why even have Kiki and Hanna overhear Essam? It’s not like they had to do it for adaptation reasons. Skam France didn’t.

It’s frustrating as fuck, and it won’t be the last time this season will pull this on the viewer.

Speaking of which, Sam thinks Mohammed is hot as hell (she ain’t wrong) and invites Essam, Omar and Mohammed to Jonas’ birthday party. This bothers Amira, because she doesn’t want her brothers to hang out with her friends. Even though she apparently just invited the girls to the boxing class that takes place at the gym her brothers attend.

[SIGH]

But anyway, Sam is being characterized as someone who is in charge of her sexuality (throughout the whole show, but specifically in this episode). While Amira is pining from a distance, getting flustered just from eye contact, Sam sees a hot guy and immediately creates an opportunity to see him again.

CLIP 5: Barbecue pining

There’s such a summer vibe about always finding reasons to hang out at a specific place because your friend got a summer job there.

I gotta give it to the writers. Essam is such a well-constructed younger sibling character. He’s a brat exactly in the way younger siblings are, and yet… That’s also the reason he’s so endearing.

And, on that note, Omar gives off such dad vibes. Not even older brother vibes. Every time I see Omar I feel like he’s thinking, “ha-ha! These little brats are acting out because they’re going through a lot! We just have to understand them!”

The conversation Amira and Mohammed have around the barbecue is so dumb, but you gotta love how pleased Amira is that she has Mohammed’s attention. Though she’s also unused to liking having a guy’s attention.

David and Matteo are back, and they’re still adorable! Good for them.

The way you could describe this moment as, Amira literally turned around for a moment and Sam was already touching Mohammed’s hair, and have it be accurate, sums up what they’re going for here.

Social media

There was a lot of social media content to keep people fed in the hiatus between episode 31 and 32. David and Matteo backpacked through Europe, Mia left for Spain and Kiki made a video about it, Stefan was invited to a game night with the crew, Kiki and Carlos looked for an apartment, and as I mentioned earlier, Essam lost a bet to Amira and had to be her slave for a week. I think that’s about it!

Abdi suggests that he and Carlos give Jonas supplies to make a protest sign as a birthday present and I almost lost it.

I think the piece of social media that most pissed off Skam purists was a chat where Jonas assures Amira he’s already thought of buying halal meat (as well as vegetarian and vegan options) for his birthday, because apparently Druck wanted to show up Skam or something, but like… It’s not like this storyline went anywhere on Skam either, like at no point do the girls learn to order pizza Sana can eat. So what does it matter if Jonas is already aware that Muslims eat halal meat.

I love that Hanna went to boxing class once, posted a bunch of stories about it and then never attended again. What a mood.

And to close the week, Kiki texts Amira that Essam started following her on insta.

FINAL THOUGHTS

When the season was airing, I found these clips cute enough. But on rewatch, I didn’t care for this episode and the reason is that so much of it ended being irrelevant to the season. What this episode did well was setting up the Kiki/Amira friendship, setting Kiki and Carlos’ apartment and the boxing class as recurring settings for the season and some character details. Essam is a really solid character from the get go, and I like the details in Amira’s room. They could’ve left out just about everything else.

[punkscowardschampions]

Fearghal & Kaitlin

Fearghal: [So the setup is sending her a postcard pretending to be a mate visiting in England for whatever reason (could be fam you get the vibe, nothing suspect given the time this is) but giving enough info that she 1. Knows it is him 2. has the number of at least a phonebox nearby if not a phone in his care home 3. a time when he plans to first call the phonebox nearest their home in Ireland, assumedly this is some sneaky twin shit they've pulled similar enough before that she can catch on without any of the rest of the fam also doing so; only question is how long do we want it to be since he left?] Kaitlin: [3 months ish later then and they've turned 15 but only just for our ref how do we think the situation is with his dad etc like would he just be acting like he's dead cos is to him?] Fearghal: [basically my vibe was they wanted to weaponize Tabby killing herself for their gain, like make it something political even though literally not about that bar the fact her family and his family and co didn't want them together and she was a dramatic teenage girl in love (no offense but like) and so when he wouldn't go along with that there was a massive fight, actual, between him and his dad and then Fearghal left 'cos there's never any option but to do as your told with this fam and he can't lose face with all the other people etc etc and the story the dad is telling the fam etc is that Fearghal deserted them which not untrue but yeah, good enough for all the olders to disown him too so it'd be like we don't talk about him and if someone else bring him up you denounce him] Kaitlin: [let's say there's a crying baby in the background cos like in my OG post she can use her youngest sister needing fresh air as an excuse so casually left her outside the phonebox but might be able to hear her if she's going for it] Kaitlin: How ya Fearghal: K? Fuck's sake, you've not had a bastard, have ya? 's'not been that long, like Kaitlin: Catch yourself on! mind how ya ma was fit to drop, you eejit? well we're all lurred she had another girl who I'm hauling about as my cover, so I am Fearghal: [Laughs] Still easy to windup then [slight pause to take in that it's a girl and is here, like not the biggest shock but also literally no way of knowing at this time so] And go on, don't leave me in suspense, what name they burden the poor fucker with Kaitlin: [makes an unimpressed noise like fuck off] full of that good craic you are, bet the brits are buzzing to hear it. You ready? Niamh Roisin, it's a cracker, like [sighs] Fearghal: [laughs some more] Yeah, catch me on that most wanted list, obviously [makes a wincing noise like no] Christ, actually lost it fully then, has she? Made it longer than some but dunno if mentals get to heaven, haveta ask Father Quigley, like Kaitlin: [laughs herself] yeah yeah [makes like a idk noise] can you lose what you've never had? A good catholic'll find a way, to be sure, and she is that, our ma [makes a scornful noise at the mention of the priest as is standard for her] Fearghal: [makes a mm noise to agree] Suppose so, don't reckon much was said 'bout being good to 'em once you had 'em, so be alright [sighs] What have you been up to, then...How's it been Kaitlin: if it was she'd recite between the lines to keep us anyone's problem but hers, poor critter [sarcastic laugh because mum's getting no real sympathy] it could've been 3 days from when you went off for what's changed and not- [a long pause because everything's shit and we know it is] Fearghal: What's God if not top babysitter, eh? Cheaper than telly and who's giving money to the BBC [scoffs but cuts it short 'cos yep] And I'm fine too, you rude cow Kaitlin: and stand him next to our earthly da and he comes out lookin' class [chefs kiss noise] Hey now! [makes a fake noise of shock like she's appalled at the mention of the bbc] watch your profanity around me, dicko! [really long exaggerated sigh as a pisstake] a'course you are, land well anywhere, but hit me with your bars, it's no bother to hear how right I am Fearghal: If you can get him stand still long enough, like and you ain't a lad so no chance, babe [does pisstake wistful sigh] Forgot you needed protecting from the evils of this world, my apologies [coughs awkwardly then, stalling for time, fiddling with the phone in ways she can probably hear] Taking a bow as we speak, can't fit in here with me but the adoring fans are aplenty over this way, well more than there so fuck it, life's grand so it is Kaitlin: Wise up, boy, he only sways slightly of an evening on these ones lately so he does [but her voice is MAD because fuck being a girl in this fam] Did you now? Thank fuck my new lad has his uses then, like [takes a deep breath to try and calm down but exaggerates it for the pisstake because have to, god forbid they are serious rn] I went and saw your former biggest fan under that rock they've carved with protestant shite, no word on if life's grander for her now it's ended or if she's regretting she didn't send her prayers up saying she wanted another bite of the cherry, one that wasn't yours- [stops like I've probably gone a bit far here and shouldn't mention his dead ex anymore] Fearghal: Good for him [through gritted teeth like let's never talk about him thank you] Like you need a replacement protector, got how many ready and willing at home, just DYING to beat the shit out of some 15 year old kid for your honour and just for the craic of it [does it back, like and then is silent until the pips are going but he's still there 'cos they stop when he puts more money in] You'll be under some rock with Catholic shite if they catch you in their graveyard [says it much more quietly than he's said the rest] Kaitlin: [makes a noise of disgust that doesn't need to be exaggerated for the pisstake cos genuinely horrified at this fam thanks] what honour? Shame you brought down on us with what they caught you at [but her voice is softer too because didn't mean to go off and also doesn't mean any of that we know] supposed to scare me, is it? [said like I wouldn't be here to give them a chance to do it just like you weren't] Fearghal: Why you need to ask one of the others, ain't it; can't be the best looking of the bunch and the best behaved, got to leave something for 'em to do and impressing n pleasing him 's'never been high on my to-do so have at it, lads [does meh noise like this is all so casual] Called the fear of God for a reason, aye Kaitlin: [does the meh noise back and it's her turn to awkwardly fiddle with the phone/cough while she works up to saying what she does next, more quietly than she has anything else] how's it truly then? Away and everything. Free and clear Fearghal: It's, like- just shit because you realize that everything that happens in that fucking town, all the stuff that rules our lives and is all they give a shit about, no other cunt does, you know, Kait? Sure, its on the news when another bomb goes off or don't and that; but the English don't even have to think about it, their day to day ain't affected at all, no fucker but our lot cares and what's the point, honestly? Everything we were forced to at least think was important, if not fecking stupid, ain't and now I don't- [Stops to do some actual breathing to calm down] Not to mention I'm thick as shite, thanks for that and all- 'cos frees a bloody joke [laughs bitterly] I get by, now, got a place to stay so, don't haveta worry but don't be hopping the next ferry yourself, girl Kaitlin: [when you're just silent for ages because as much as you think it's bullshit you're basically in a cult rn with no chance of getting out so what can you say like] not that thick, warning me off coming to keep an eye on all these english girls with theirs on ya but no bother 'cause mind I get sea sick and class as boking on brits sounds I'd get fairly covered myself before I made any casualties of 'em Fearghal: Know enough about girls and enough about you to know the two don't need mixing, that's just school of life, that [moving away a bit and telling someone who's impatiently waiting to fuck off] Stay put [when you say it firmly like serious voice] That wain and the rest needs someone VAGUELY sane about to stand any chance, fuck me, Aislinn's already been corrupted and she's barely in double digits [kicks the box] Kaitlin: [laughs because yeah don't let her around any girls you like babe] you should know enough about me to know what giving me your orders'll do fer ya and what it'll make me do [but there's no actual real threat in it we all know she's staying for the bubs] Sane as you by that count, ain't I? [can't help genuinely sighing] Mammy's girl is Aislinn been like it since she was old enough to play house [grimaces at the thought cos never that bitch] got the rest under MY apron strings, grand they are and it goes for the stories I tell 'em every night after prayers, rest easy yourself knowing that, yeah? Fearghal: Alright, alright [hear the 🙄😏] But if you wanna be the next to bring shame on 'em, you can do better than a cheeky abortion, surely? [shakes his head] Yeah. [Pause] Yeah [Coughs again] I'm doing my bit, swear, it's gonna take a while 'til I can send you anything and I've got to work out how when I do- it ain't for them, just you lot but like I said, not cheap Kaitlin: [an outraged noise like who do you think you're talking to, of course I can do better than that etc] Yeah. [Pauses herself because again what to say, there's so much it's too much] I've got faith in the right shite, Gally [nickname ftw because feels] it'll work out. We'll work it out, like we did this Fearghal: 'Course we will, K. No other choice, is there [definitely not a question] Kaitlin: not a real question, is it? [she knows its not] Fearghal: you want me to ask you one? Kaitlin: do English girls fall for that? Fearghal: Enough of 'em, yeah Kaitlin: [makes a ugh noise] how you've got a bed, is it? Fearghal: Theirs top where mine is Kaitlin: I deeply feel that Fearghal: [makes the kinda sad 'ha' sound like 'I know'] Not all bad though, some class drugs about and you don't get kneecapped for taking a casual interest Kaitlin: [does a little hooray down the phone] Fearghal: Send you some but your phones probably tapped so I definitely won't Kaitlin: thanks or no thanks, depending who'll be listening Fearghal: Cover those bases and the baby's ears Kaitlin: nothing to be heard over her crying Fearghal: don't lie, you miss me that much [laughs] Kaitlin: fuck off [but laughs too] Fearghal: Will do Fearghal: so many English girls Kaitlin: [exaggerated being sick noise] nowhere close to a ferry and sick as a dog, don't start me any further Fearghal: You think I escaped to pray every day and fight the good fight, like Kaitlin: if you still pray you ain't escaped fuck all Fearghal: Not living on my knees for no cunt, sis Fearghal: am being haunted, for my sins, though Kaitlin: Be on track to commit more, you'll have enough ghosts for all manner of shite to get done Fearghal: No rest for the wicked on the one hand, but on the other, idle hands and idle minds [breathes out like so conflicted and confused] Kaitlin: [a change in tone because serious] She's gone, so are you. Leave it here. Leave it in this fucking town Fearghal: Not a choice Kaitlin: Can be Fearghal: Nah, s'not, boths already happened Kaitlin: Happened to you, gives you a say in how you deal with it Fearghal: Yeah Kaitlin: You've lived in one haunted house as things stand, ain't you? Miss home that much, is it? Fearghal: How could I not? Live for these lectures, like Kaitlin: [an unamused noise because you're basically calling her a nagging girl which ain't a mood] Fearghal: [the pips again] Oh shit, should robably let you go, yeah? Kaitlin: Yeah probably [but she obvs doesn't wanna that'd be clear] Fearghal: Tell the kids I miss 'em, won't ya Kaitlin: I'll even include her out there Fearghal: Try and send a picture some time, alright Kaitlin: 'Course Fearghal: You too, kid Kaitlin: [laughs but in a more genuine way] You're my twin brother, calling me kid is calling yourself a wain, you eejit Fearghal: That's alright by me, like Kaitlin: I'll not baby you, got enough noses and arses to wipe here while you're hand holding these brits Fearghal: No handholding, on me life, just good old-fashioned- [will cut him off before he can be gross] Kaitlin: [we can say she cuts him off with a very unamused noise as per like no thank you] Fearghal: G'wan then, piss off before that kid freezes to death Kaitlin: [doesn't wanna be the first one to hang up obvs] Watch yourself then Fearghal: You too Fearghal: When can we do this again then Kaitlin: When can you? It's no bother for me to slip out with this ginger whinger, needs fresh air so she does Fearghal: [laughs then is pondering like umm] Try next Sunday, after church, if I don't answer then I'll send another postcard or whatever, yeah Kaitlin: Tryin' to get a free sermon told to ya, respect that hustle if not the message Fearghal: Obviously, how am I getting to heaven from England? Kaitlin: [laughs] no angels in England is there not? You'll have been thinking on your feet for fresh pick up lines all these months, no wonder you ain't had time for me, like Fearghal: Something like that... [Trails off 'cos don't wanna tell her what's really been going on but also does 'cos not its like that and its been a lot to just deal with on his own] Kaitlin: But it's something else like what? [cos sees through you boyyy] Fearghal: It's alright now, like Fearghal: but it ain't as if the old man sent me on me way with anywhere to go, is it Kaitlin: He didn't put a bullet in your head as a send off, that's what gets me to sleep of a night, but- [trails off because she was gonna say she knows it hasn't been easy but she doesn't know how hard it's been and she's not trying to guess like let's compare struggles] Kaitlin: Yeah [another pause] Fearghal: Should've put one in his [so under his breath it's like did you mean that to be heard or] Kaitlin: You'd have to take ma out an' all, I don't reckon the broken heart myth is anything other than another story, and probably a few of us would make the cut for cute little orphans but you and me'd have to catch ourselves on quick and wise up Fearghal: Make Tara look after you all as well as Diarmaid's kids, see how committed to the family she really is [sniffs 'cos we been knew] Kaitlin: [makes an identical sound cos twinning] I'll take her out if she was bothered to try and get near 'em Fearghal: Least Owie is old enough to help out, young enough to give a clout, yeah? [genuine concern] Kaitlin: [scoffs because we know he's a bit of a knob but it's still affectionate because] Fearghal: He'll be alright [but doesn't sound as reassuring as that's meant to be 'cos like unlikely at this point] Kaitlin: He's got me, my will's stronger than god's so father Q likes to say [laughs] under his breath, a'course Fearghal: [laughs back but its less 'cos sad] He doesn't always chat shite Kaitlin: Reckon he's a soft spot for me Fearghal: [makes noise like 'hopefully not too soft' but is joking, doesn't need to be that kind of priest] Kaitlin: I don't wish you were here Fearghal: How could he not, with the charm [but just jk like] Is it better, in some ways Kaitlin: It's...[trails off cos we all know even if there's less hassle it's not better as far as she's concerned and the loneliness is a real mood] I'm buzzing you got out [genuine but her voice is sad] Fearghal: Your turn next, I mean it Kaitlin: After we get a few birthday's under Niamh's belt [pauses because it's sinking in how stuck she is for now] and the rest, give 'em a fighting chance Fearghal: Yeah Fearghal: I'll make it easier, any which way I can Kaitlin: Me too, for you, I mean Fearghal: I'm grand, honest but cheers [more pips] I am outta shrapnel though so- Kaitlin: Don't be putting honest on a lie [frustrated sigh because nobody wants this to end but she wouldn't have money] speak Sunday and like I said, watch yourself Fearghal: Love ya, K ['cos no time to take the piss for it or protest] Kaitlin: [let's say she gets cut off before she can say it back for the pain]

[towhomeverthisconcerns]

081519

AIGHT SO. Tracy and Joanna told me to write down my thoughts and feelings about Missions ‘cause I find it really hard to talk about how I feel so here it is. I got out of bed for this so CHARLES. I HOPE YOU’RE READING THIS. (He’s literally the only one who reads this stuff. LOL)

I think the biggest thing that I got out of this missions trip is that God really moves in our lives in ways we can never expect. Ever. And like I know it sounds super cliche but it’s 100% true. Here’s the thing people. I fell out of touch with God a LONG time ago. Probably near the beginning of my second year of college/end of my first year. And I really struggled with that. I was too embarrassed to admit it to my old church. (granted my old church was not the best environment to be in either... but that’s a whole ‘nother post) It was really hard for me to feel the calling to go to church every Sunday because I felt so ostracized. And like I tried talking to people about it but I don’t think they were in a position to be able to understand where I was coming from. 

Anyways. Fast forward a couple of years. I’m much more open to going to church, but I know I don’t want to go back to my home church. I talk to Josh about church hopping, and he invites me to his. He offers to carpool with me, which is probably like the biggest incentive to going to a church that far. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t. LOL. But I actually was able to connect with the people at that church, and I really felt a different vibe at this new church compared to the old one. I’m not saying my old church was a bad church. I just think I grew and evolved into a different person, and my old church just didn’t suit who I became? I don’t know if that makes sense. Regardless, the point is that this new church became a church that I really wanted to invest in and it was a big turning point in my spiritual faith, because I now had a solid community I could go to every Sunday.

At this point, I’m still very weak in my faith. I mean I just started going to a church, and then I took a month break from it to go to Europe, and then I came back sparingly because Josh goes to NorCal like once every other month, and I have Tet meetings every so often that I really wish I could get out of but it’s really important that I’m there so I try my best to be there. This just all goes to show how I really didn’t feel like I was ready for Taiwan missions. I mean who am I to lead these kids to Christ when I’m struggling with my own walk with God? I felt like I didn’t deserve to go on this trip. But what can I do? My family signs me up every year unless I protest or have a very legitimate reason. I was going whether I wanted to or not.

Another thing I really struggled with was finding out I was going to a camp where I knew NO ONE. If you don’t know how Taiwan Missions for the FECA family works, basically since there’s so many schools/regions who teach at, there’s actually 4 different camp sites that the teachers live in, and each site has their own set of schools that they go to, and so we really only get to know the people at our own camp, and even then we only really connect with the ones that go to the same schools as you, because those are the people you actually spend the most time with. For me personally, it’s ideal to be in a camp with at least 1 of my family members, whether its my mom, my dad, or one of my sisters. I just really like having that support/person to complain to (there tends to be a lot of drama on these missions trips, of which I can explain if needed but for now we’ll leave it as is) So it was really hard for me to accept that I was going to a school where I would have 0 moral support from my family. I brought this up to my mom and she told me she could switch me to a different camp if I really wanted to. And at first I was like YES PLEASE. But then my mom told me to pray about it. So I did. And that was something I really struggled with because I could really feel like God was saying “Trust me, I put you in that camp for a reason.” and I was very like “Are you sure. ‘Cause I’m really not for this. Like. Can’t I at least have ONE of my sisters???” But I decided to listen to God. I’m not even sure why. I just knew in my heart that I had to go to Camp 1 by myself. And that was something that made me SUPER nervous.

I was also super nervous about people’s expectations of me. Like, they all knew I had been on missions for a LONG time. (since 2011) But I’ve been so spiritually removed from it that I felt like I wasn’t in a position to lead anyone. I hardly prepared for this trip other than that one prayer I did about moving camps and showing up for literally 1 out of 6 training sessions. LOL. But everyone would look up to me and expect me to take charge. Which was a super frightening expectation to have put on me. 

Not only all of that, but also I was going Week 2. Which means all the people at that camp would’ve already formed their own friendship groups because they all went through week 1 together. Except for me. So I wouldn’t know anyone... and still be expected to lead... and just.. GAH. SO MUCH STRESS. TT__________TT

So fast forward to Day 1 of missions trip for me. I’m doing my literal best to just listen to God and do as he says. I went into this trip with more intention than I’ve ever given this trip in my life. LOL (well maybe not but it sure felt like it). I’m much more mature than I was in 2011 so it was definitely a different experience this year, because emotionally and spiritually I was more mature and in tune with myself. But OH MAN. The week went by so QUICKLY and I really truly connected with SO MANY LOVELY INDIVIDUALS <3 

I’m gonna go into it chronologically but the order doesn’t really matter. 

FIRST THINGS FIRST. Jo Nathan. That is the nickname he gave himself to me. Just saying. I did not come up with that for him. LOL. But yes he was a blessing from God I didn’t realize at the time. But he was also new to Camp 1. He was at Camp 3 during week 1, but they moved him to Camp 1 for week 2 and so he was just as nervous about fitting in as I was. Which is probably why we were able to connect so well to the point that people thought we were friends way before this trip. Jolene was the one who told me I could trust him, ‘cause I told her about my worries about not having someone to lean on/complain to at camp LOL. So day 1 I asked who Jonathan was, and found him and immediately told him we were gonna be friends. And then luckily we were forced to sit next to each other (since they arranged our seating by schools/class#) and thus I was able to sit next to him every time we had worship, trainings, sermons, etc. I really miss stabbing him with the Sword of the Spirit but I am so grateful he was willing to open up to me and be my friend during that week. He made me feel so much more relaxed because at least I had one person who was willing to laugh with me and at my jokes. LOL. I really appreciate the friendship we made during that time, and I can only hope it continues to grow as we move forward. (although if it does die, that’s ok because that’s also very normal in life.) SECONDLY. SAMUEL LIU. Ohmygosh. This boy is such a joy and blessing. UGH. Jo Nathan did not go to the same school as me so I only really talked to him in the evenings. But in the mornings, I was able to be as silly as I wanted to be because Samuel would always be 10x sillier. HAHA. My favorite thing about Samuel is his willingness to serve. His heart is so pure and he’s so good at words of affirmation (one of my top love languages) and he just made me feel SO LOVED. He truly is the little brother I never knew I needed. Side story: I was assigned worship leader for the morning assemblies, but I literally did not remember the dances, and so LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE DAY 1 OF TEACHING I learned the dances as diligently as possible and found out that Samuel would be at the same school and so I asked him (and this other girl who I’ll get into later) to teach me and also go up on stage with me and HE SAID YES!!! Q____Q Just having him there made me feel so much better about leading worship. But my favorite memory with Samuel is when he asked me to share my testimony. I’ve never had someone ask me that before. I was so touched that he wanted to know. It’s such a great thing to ask someone. When I shared with him, I really felt like God was showing me that he had a plan all along, and it was through talking to Samuel that I realized I was actually supposed to be at this missions trip all along. Jesus was using me to teach myself that I am so much stronger in my faith than I believed. He gave me so much wisdom during that week. I am so grateful to have experienced that week in Taiwan. God is so amazing. So awesome and powerful. I have so many more memories with Samuel (like DEEP DOWN, OH DEEP DOWN DOWN and KTV on the bus) but I’ll have to save them for another time because this post is already WAY too long. NORA AND DAPHNE. These 2 girls are so so so precious. Daphne is really shy but has the heart of an angel. Truly she is so willing to serve and does things she’s not entirely comfortable with in the name of God and I am so proud of her for that. It’s really not easy to break out of your comfort zone, especially at the young age of 14. Daphne did not have an easy time teaching in Taiwan, but she’s already talked about going back and I’m just. What a great example of God’s disciple. She really has such a pure heart that is so willing to learn and I can’t get enough of it!! She was really hard for me to read at times because she hardly ever expressed her true emotions and is the type to keep things to herself if she’s bothered, but I know she’s working on it. My biggest fear was that I would step on her toes without knowing and she’d get upset but never talk to me about it. In the end I’m not sure if that happened or not but overall I want to say we had a good time together. I learned so much from her, and I hope I can continue to learn from her in the near future! Nora is much more open compared to Daphne (not that that’s a bad thing), and she was also willing to help me teach the dance on stage for worship during morning assembly. She was actually the one who spent the most time with me making sure I knew the choreography the night before our first day. AND FOR THAT I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL <3 Her heart to serve is just as big as Daphne’s and I’m so proud of her as well. She really did a great job teaching alongside her co-teacher. She was also willing to be silly with Samuel and I which was super fun! I’m just so so grateful I was able to witness God moving in their lives and really wish I got to spend more time with the both of them. The two were so cute in the fact that they were always listening to me. God used them to show me that he would always provide a way, as long as I was willing to listen to him. My biggest wish now is to be able to get to know them more and hangout with them. If you see this and you know who I’m talking about, please lmk ‘cause I don’t have their contact info because I’m an idiot and didn’t ask in time!! q-q

RUBY and ETHAN. Both of them were my coteachers this year and I could not have asked for a better trio. Ruby is the mother of Daphne, and right away I could tell she was an amazing mother. The way Daphne is filled with so much love, you could just FEEL that Ruby really loves and cherishes her daughter. TBH it feels weird to call the mom of my friend by her first name but I had to do it all week in Taiwan so it is what it is. Ruby was super sentimental and pointed out a lot of things to me that I didn’t notice going into this missions trip. She really relied on me to teach her about this missions trip but through her I learned so much more about what it means to be a disciple of God. Ruby and Daphne are from HK, so they speak Cantonese at home, and so they both struggled with talking to the students at times, but through their serving heart they let go of that worry and came out to Taiwan anyways. Her love for the students was also super visible, and I really think a lot of the students were affected by her presence and really felt God’s love through her. She 100% respected me and Ethan the whole week and was completely open to our ideas. I am so grateful to Ruby for being there and supporting Ethan and I as the lead teachers. Ethan, Ethan, Ethan. What can I say. He truly was like a little brother in the sense that we bickered a LOT. LOOOL. But I really appreciated his point of view and perspective because it was one I was not used to. He definitely had a more laid-back approach to teaching the kids, whereas I had a more planned out one, but in the end we made it work. There’s a funny story I tell everyone about the first time we really FOUGHT but I’ll save it for another time. In the end I was able to learn a lot about patience and letting others take the lead sometimes. Honestly Ethan is a super great kid, and he did really well leading the activities that we agreed he would lead. I’m very thankful for the different perspectives he offered, and for the blessings God used him to show me in my life. 

There were so many more people that impacted me greatly on this missions trip. Christina, Jesse, Ariel (my roommates at the camp); Dorothy, Michelle, Debbie, Carrie; Brian, Tracy, and my baby sister Joanna. But the ones mentioned here impacted me the most during my week in Taiwan and I believe were the ones God really used to teach me so much during that week.  TL;DR: God really used the people at my camp to teach me that 1) I’m always the perfect servant as long as I’m willing to serve him, no matter where my faith is, 2) Trust in him always, because his plan is so much bigger than I’ll ever understand, 3) He is truly an amazing, awesome, powerful, and wonderful God.

*please note. This is a really big thought dump to be doing at 3am so I apologize if there are grammatical/spelling errors, and if my thoughts don’t make sense. I plan to go over it and edit in the morning.

[stormenchantra]

I come to you tonight to ask for prayers & good vibes etc. Prissy 1st as Buddy is nothing if not a gentleman. Prissy has her 1st hopefully only tooth infection she's the beautiful blonde #throwbackpomeranian #throwbackpom she was put on antibiotics again Thursday. Onto sweet Buddy D, Mamaw's Lil boy who I was blessed enough to be named his Momma J the day he came home. Buddy has had a sinus infection and has been on antibiotics for it. However the Vet came Thursday and the reason Bud isn't gaining any weight is he has a mass in his stomach possibly cancer no extensive tests were done. The Vet said that Buddy isn't in ANY pain and to just let him continue living his happy life with us until it's his time. I'm really praying that's a ways off. He has Prissy & Magic my turtle who love their brother as much as the humans in this house do that's Mom Dad and myself. Update on my ankle it's healing slow due to my fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. There is internal bruising fluid and torn ligaments. I still can't bare weight yet though so not much help to Mom @msfgb505 who needs prayers for all of the above too. Dad needs prayers for a test he's having and he's super private so praying it goes good and nothing else to tell. Please pray for us and understand why I might not be on some days right now. Mom and I are having a hard time with all of this. Hugs see you soon and thank you for your thoughts and prayers! https://www.instagram.com/p/B2-WEodpsQN/?igshid=1jmnxrkuqc0hm

[twsupernaturalimagine]

Never In Fact Homeless (Part 4)

Author: Abby (amorluzymelodia)

Word Count: 1642

Warnings: homelessness, drug use, suicide mention, cursing, non-con (not necessarily rape but reader is not of a sound mind)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Fic:

A few hours later and you couldn’t have moved if you’d wanted to, you were too drugged up. Leo had given you a few uppers liked he’d said, and at first you’d remembered why you’d gotten into this in the first place. The high. It was all laughs and smiles and good vibes for a while until Leo shot something into your arm that made your skin crawl. Literally. 

You saw maggots and worms crawling out of your skin and began scratching at your arms to get them off, but that only seemed to make them angrier, and more took their place. When you finally felt yourself coming down enough to calm down and tell yourself that what you were seeing wasn’t real, Leo approached you.

“Hey doll,” he slurred, drunk and high and everything in between. “Come ‘ere.” He took your hand and pulled you down a hallway, towards a back room with a bed, which he sat you down on. “Time to pay your fee.” He smiled a toothless grin at you and pushed you backward so you were laying on your back, with him over you. You couldn’t have stopped him if you’d wanted to. There were colors and shapes swirling around you, faceless creatures leering at you from the shadows, and truthfully you hardly noticed what Leo was doing to you, only his haphazard thrusts and weak grunts when he finished, landing on top of you with a huff.

You sat there for a moment, trying to decide if the man standing at the door was real or not. When his face morphed into a lizard you decided he wasn’t real and pushed Leo off of you, doing up your pants and making your way back into the main room, sitting down next to Marcus, who handed you a razor and began forming his own lines, indicating you should do the same. You had said you wouldn’t do heroin anymore, had promised yourself, and yet it was sitting in front of you, right for the taking. And your resolve was so low you couldn’t resist. So you snorted deeply, hoping the high would be a good one.

You were wrong. The maggots came back, this time with friends who burrowed into your skin. You could feel them chewing, hear them swallowing your flesh, leaving little holes behind. And it destroyed you. You scratched harder at your skin, digging in your nails when they didn’t go away, drawing blood. But the maggots fed off it, slurping it down and burrowing deeper. Something jumped out of the wall at you, passing through you and leaving you cold. Marcus was laughing too loud, scaring you. So when you couldn’t get the maggots off you picked up the razor in front of you and slashed at your wrist, hoping to drown them in your blood.

That was when you saw him. He was just a bright light but he was there, wings and all. And you cried out to him in anger and fear.

“Just kill me already!” you screamed, unaware of the tears rolling down your or the blood leaving your body. “Why are you doing this? Why did you save me? Was it to watch me suffer? To laugh at? Why?!”

He flashed bright white and vanished, which made you even more fearful oddly enough.

“Castiel!” You cried. “Castiel! Get back here you bastard!”

You tried to get up but fell over the table in front of you, knocking drugs and knows what else to the ground. You fell and could feel your head hit the ground, but wasn’t coherent enough to care. You saw him appear again, this time in his suit and trench coat and he tilted his head at you, looking concerned.

“I am sorry, Y/N,” he said. “I will fix this.”

“You’re not real!” you shouted as he reached out a hand to touch your forehead. “You’re not real…” but you were already drifting off, sleeping or into unconsciousness, you didn’t really care.

When you woke up your first thought was that your head didn’t hurt. Usually after a night like you would be in a lot of pain. But this morning there was none. That and the fact that warmth surrounded you and you could smell coffee led you to one thought.

You were dead.

It was the only explanation. Either you’d overdosed last night or Castiel was listening and had killed you. You weren’t sure if you were pleased about that, and if you truly were dead…where was the coffee coming from?

With that question in mind, you opened your eyes slowly, seeing not the ceiling of the dump you’d passed out in last night, but a plain concrete ceiling. Underneath you was a soft mattress and covering you were soft sheets and your head was placed on a comfortable pillow. The walls were bare but it was clearly a well-used room. There were flannels strewn around the room and the closet door was open to reveal even more flannels and what looked like a gray bathrobe. Where the hell were you?

Your question was answered however when none other than Sam Winchester walked through the door, causing your heart to race and you to shoot up in bed–you were surprised that that movement didn’t cause you to black out.

“Where the hell am I?” you demanded and Sam just sighed, placing a tray you only now noticed, containing juice, water, and waffles on the bedside table and sitting down next to you.

“You’re at our bunker,” he said calmly. “Castiel heard your prayer and when he found you he didn’t know what to do, so he brought you here.”

“I didn’t pray to him,” you hissed but Sam just shook his head.

“Well you must’ve or he wouldn’t have been able to hear you. He said you were pretty messed up when he found you. He wasn’t sure why but I’m willing to bet it was drugs,” he paused, his eyebrows raised. “Am I right?”

You grit your teeth and looked at your hands, startled when you realized the cuts from last night were nowhere to be seen, not even a scar. Just plain, pure skin.

“I had a bad trip,” you admitted shamefully. “It’s not the first time it’s happened.”

Sam just nodded and picked up the water, handing it to you and not looking away until you’d drank the whole glass.

“Well you’ve got Cas to thank for fixing your arms,” he said.

“What?” you asked, confused and Sam nodded.

“Cas said when he found you, you were bleeding and crying and shaking. I’m guessing your bad trip caused you to see some scary things huh?”

You just turned away from him and grabbed the plate of waffles. “Are these for me?” you asked and he nodded.

“Dean made ‘em. Seemed to think you looked a bit thin.”

You huffed a laugh around a mouthful of food. “Yeah well being homeless ain’t exactly the most nutritious way to live.”

You noticed Sam didn’t look uncomfortable at your mention of being homeless, which surprised you. Most of the time when the fact you were homeless came up with someone who wasn’t–church moms, volunteers at the shelter etc–their reactions were to look down in shame, like it was their fault or something. But Sam didn’t look at you differently, just like he knew how you felt. And somehow you believed that he did.

“You ever been homeless Sam?” you asked quietly and he smiled slightly.

“Not exactly. Dean and I…we moved around a lot as kids. Our job takes us all over the country, so we never really had a house. But we had our car so…no. We were never really homeless.”

You furrowed your brow. “So you’ve been doing this since you were kids?”

Sam nodded. “Our dad raised us in it.”

“Sounds like an A+ dad,” you scoffed. “But who am I to talk? Mine kicked me out when I was fifteen.”

“Why–” Sam was cut off by Dean entering the room, carrying yet another tray of food, this one containing potatoes and sausage.

“Ah good you’re awake,” he said and set the tray down next to it’s partner. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” you demanded.

“About that suicide attempt, Y/N,” he said gruffly. “Cas found you half alive, slits on your wrists and so drugged up you probably thought he was a hallucination. What the hell were you thinking?”

You put the plate down, suddenly not hungry.

“Who do you think you are?” you demanded. “You’re not my father or my priest, you don’t get to scoop me up off the street and demand to know all about my life because you did me a kindness. How I live my life is my business, not yours.”

“Well you’re life seems pretty screwed up kid.”

“You’re one to talk.” you spat and Dean just laughed.

“Hey kid I know my life is fucked up, I accept that. It’s you who hasn’t seemed to.”

You just scoffed and pushed the covers back, thankful Cas had healed you so you could walk fine without a hangover or injuries.

“Look I don’t need rescuing okay? I’m a big girl, I can handle myself. So thanks for patching me up but I’m good.”

“You’re not going anywhere, chief,” Dean said smugly and you glared at him.

“Oh yeah?” you demanded. “Who’s gonna stop me?”

“Y/N.” It was Castiel, and you froze. “Please, stay.”

“Why should I?” you demanded, turning towards him angrily.

“Because we care about you, Y/N,” Sam said kindly. “And we can help you.”

You took in his kind face, his puppy-dog eyes and the three of them looking at you not like a project…but like a person. So you took a deep breath and spoke.

“Start talking.”

[caointeag-arc]

for a limited time: my wip verses bc i’m deeply amused by what happened once i lost my train of thought

NOTE: around the Red Wedding there is a major split and 2 main plot branches are formed, one where he is dead and one where he isn’t. The living branch is not just for Robb rpers but is open to everyone, as his living actually helps facilitate some events ( ex. It’s much easier for her to say, meet Daenerys/Aegon in a diplomatic fashion if she’s there on his behalf and not dealing w/ all that Other Stuff ).

GAME OF THRONES

Lyarra goes south with her sisters and father, sending her own direwolf, Night, to the Wall with Jon and urges her sisters to leave theirs at home. The plan had been she would go to King’s Landing for about a year to help acclimate the girls, learn about court, and make useful friendships with other noble girls in the south before coming back north for her wedding. This obviously did not happen.

Note: out of sentimentality Lyarra had smuggled down her bow and quiver, this becomes plot relevant later.

Optional Events:  - Lady living  - A Lot Of Snooping  - Lyarra acting as the voice of genre savvy to her dad  - Stark girls actually get on the damn boat thus getting home safe  - Ned surviving

A CLASH OF KINGS

Lyarra is held captive along with her younger sister Sansa by the Lannisters, doing her best to shield her from as much as possible but her efforts only go so far. She urges Sansa to err on the side of self-preservation and caution as she frantically looks to find allies. Eventually her prayers are met when Lorr Lightfingers approaches her in secret with an offer to help her and her sister escape Kings Landing. Desperate, and trusting her gut that he’s not a complete monster, she accepts and planning goes into overdrive.

At the Battle of the Blackwater they seize the opportunity and make the escape, their effort helped by Yrre Stone, some of his men and other Lorr found such as Milot Clereband. They then make their way up the country Lyarra going by “Jenny/Jenny Grey” when necessary to obfuscate what kind of party they really are. To that end they generally allow any misinterpretations, rumors, etc to survive and prove more cover to their purpose. Eventually she does make it back to Robb and Catelyn at River Run and reunites. However she has little interest in hanging back after all she’s already been through and demands to actively aid and serve her brother in whatever ways she can. Given her increased skill in combat and the shadier end of problem solving on the way there, that and giving counsel tends to be where her serve lies.

Optional Events:  - Sansa getting dragged through the riverlands  - Sansa getting put on a boat to [partner’s preferred location] asap for her safety  - Bumping into Arya  - Bumping into Sandor   - Sandor just straight up being part of the Squad coming out of KL

[ Trigger warning for Rape/Assault: early into their time crossing the country on of the group that smuggled her out attempts to rape her one night. He is quickly stopped and murdered by Yrre, which cements his place as Lyarra’s other advisor along side Lorr and his place as her bodyguard. ]

ACOK: ROUTE A / OH GOD MORE RIVERLANDS

Lyarra primarily stays close to Robb and the army. Tries to be a good sister and advisor to him as much as possible.

ACOK: ROUTE B /  GO YELL AT THE IRONBORN

Lyarra gets sent up with her men to help sort out the mess Theon and his family have made of the North.

Optional Events:  - Theon escapes Reekening  - Theon in New and Different kinds of trouble  - Aggressively High Ironborn levels  - Regrettably, The Boltons

ACOK: ROUTE C / I DUNNO YOU TALK TO THEM

Lyarra gets tasked with talking to other houses and regions to look into alliances and general diplomacy stuff. Which means heading to Thread Plotline Relevant Locales and speaking to assorted people about Stuff. And things.

 A STORM OF SWORDS

Basically starts with where we left off in ACOK, things only vary depending on which route and timeline branch you’re looking at.

TIMELINE BRANCH A / RED WEDDING

Lyarra manages to escape death herself by sheer chance, arriving back from a mission late enough to miss the wedding but not late enough to miss the carnage. While Lyarra is thrown nearly off the edge by the sight of Robb, her men evacuate her and later, Yrre and a few others track down Robb and Grey Wind’s bodies and take them to be cleaned, Catelyn however they were unable to recover.

Shaken, Lyarra declares herself queen to try and keep things together as much as possible and  heads North with his bones to consolidate what’s left of the army, recoup and plan the North’s next move. She spends some time with Howland Reed when they reach the Neck and leaves Robb’s Bones with him for safe keeping until she can be sure Winterfell is secure.

ASOS RW: ROUTE A / MATTERS OF SUCCESSION

Aware of Robb’s will either because she was there or by being informed of it by Howland, she knows that Robb legitimized Jon and made him his heir and supports the choice. Feeling it’s critical to tell Jon about Robb’s will and hear what he wants to do she makes for the Wall as swiftly as she can. Goes about as well as you might expect seeing as he’s likely already miles behind the Wall.

Which is another thing she has to deal with while there waiting on him, The Mass Wildling Exodus.

Optional Events: TBA

ASOS RW: ROUTE B / BOOTING OUT THE BOLTONS

#TheGreatNorthernConspiracy #LittleWalderWasAnInsideJob #StannisTheMannis

Optional Events: TBA

ASOS RW: ROUTE C / CAN I GET AN ALLIANCE? CAN I PLEASE GET AN ALLIANCE?????

Look I don’t know what you want from me here, me. I cannot remember shit about what I was doing anymore.

Optional Events: TBA

TIMELINE BRANCH  B / ROBB LIVES

i dunno what to tell you here man..... like.... i think we all guess the vibes 

ASOS RL: ROUTE A  /  TO THE WALL AND BACK AGAIN

Convinces Robb that maaaaayyybeeee she should look into w/e is goin’ on w/ Jon up there.

Optional Events: TBA

ASOS RL: ROUTE B / OPERATION : CALAMARI

A lotta anti-ironborn propaganda and northern nonsense.

Optional Events: TBA

ASOS RL: ROUTE C / DIPLOMACY

I mean…. It’s pretty self explanatory

Optional Events: TBA

ASOS RL: ROUTE D / DIPLOMACY: BUT WITH MAMMOTHS

Please don’t climb the fence we have a door… you can just use that….

Optional Events: TBA

A FEAST FOR CROWS

OH GOD THERE’S  MORE?????

A DANCE OF DRAGONS

FUCK!!!!

[strawberry-mija]

praise Goddd

just got off the phone with E!

He expressed how he felt when it comes to his mom not being alive anymore. How he misses her, the questions unanswered, in need of consultation/comfort/wisdom etc. He also feels stressed about his lack of a job rn and what’s going on with his current gf who happens to be my friend. I listened to him and gave him encouragement as well as spiritual advice. Advice when it comes to relationship with God first and a person second. He understood and agreed. It was good to hear him sigh and say “That felt good, to let it all out” and he explained that he doesn’t have anyone to talk to about this besides me. Since his brother and dad are feeling broken with his mom passing, and he doesn’t really open up his feelings this way to anyone and he hasn’t been able to talk to his gf due to her parents seriously not liking E. They took away her phone and car :( that totally sucks. I advised him to put everything in God’s hands, keep praying but really seek Him. And to not try to force his gf to get deeper with God if she doesn’t want to. We also discussed how if she isn’t the one, that’s ok too some people are meant to be temporary. But if she is, praise God! They can grow together!

He appreciates how I’ve been praying for him and acknowledges that I’m not just saying that like many others. I also brought up, quite bluntly, that I’m here as a friend and don’t want him thinking I’m trying anything more. I don’t have any feelings and would never try to cause more problems. He understood and even said how he never gave that thought because he knows I’m not like that. He also said throughout the whole conversation he didn’t sense anything like that. So that’s super good, I’m glad God directed the conversation.

It also felt good to express to him what’s been going on with me when it comes to boys and stuff. He gave me the advice that patience is key and to keep praying to maintain God’s favor. He even said by the sound of S, he could tell he doesn’t seem good for me. Which is still true. Gross let’s move away from that topic.

Anyways, we had laughing moments especially when it came to me talking about the guys and stuff but also had a mutual advising vibe if tha makes sense.

Lord, continue how you want this to go. I am only a friend. I can feel my flesh trying to battle with this but I’m saying no. Whatever God’s will is. Even if there was a possibility, if it was God’s will somehow that we belong together or whatever, it still doesn’t change the fact that RIGHT NOW we are friends. AND if we AREN’T for each other, that’s perfectly fine. Because again. I am his friend and I’m going to let the Holy Spirit lead me. Also, please don’t share this with anyone (me @ me). Just your mom, Analysa & Jessica who asked prayers from but that’s it. No need for details except your mom ofc lol.