#thoughts of a desperate lover

[thetrinitytest]

[kentopedia]

it’s obvious to everyone that dazai is so smart, but the truth is, he has such a selective memory. if he doesn’t want to do paperwork … it’s simply out of his mind. he’s forgotten about it, and now it’s someone else’s task, something that annoys kunikida endlessly.

you ask him about it once and he laughs it off, tells you that it’s so he can make more room in his memory for the important things. which, you suppose, makes sense; even people like dazai have limits.

still, you’re not sure what he means by important things if that doesn’t include his work assignments.

it’s just another dazai mystery that you put out of your mind until you fall in love with him.

when you get together, after weeks of pining over one another, dazai brings by some desserts you love. you wonder how he knew they were your favorites, but you figure someone at the agency must have told him, and don’t think too much of it.

then, he buys you a new book you mentioned once that you wanted to read. there’s a little note scribbled in the cover, and he smiles cheekily when you have no idea what to say.

every day, he starts bringing you coffee to work, exactly how you like it, even though you’re certain you never told him.

it isn’t until dazai’s on his phone, scrolling through upcoming films, that you understand.

you’re laying your head on his lap when he shows you the phone screen. “that movie you’ve been wanting to see is out tomorrow,” he says like it’s no big deal.

and you have been wanting to see it, but you hadn’t talked with him about it in weeks. not since the trailer came out, and you told him in nothing more than a passing comment that it looks like it’ll be good.

you stare back at him, surprised that he remembered, but he’s flown past it. he’s already making a plan of when you’ll watch it, wondering if you wanted to make an entire night out of it.

it hits you then, a wave of emotions that has you tearing up, even though dazai has no idea what could’ve possibly upset you.

and you realize important things to dazai are really just things about you. that even if it meant sacrificing space in his memory, the places where routine chores and paperwork should go, he’d gladly do it.

whatever it takes to make sure that he never forgets a single detail about you.

[insanesonofabitch]

8x10 Torn & Frayed one line schedule | 8x11 LARP & The Real Girl production draft script | 8x09 Citizen Fang | 8x10 Torn & Frayed transcript | 9x08 Rock and a Hard Place

Good fucking morning.

[kaurwreck]

I wonder if Fyodor has kept his distance from Atsushi until now because Byakko's claws can cut through skills. I wonder if this is the moment Atsushi could use his claws. Would they slice right through Fyodor's borrowed body to tear him into the same ribbons as Shibusawa?

Is Fyodor afraid of the absolution Atsushi could give him? Or is he starving for it? Is this what he wanted all along? To find Atsushi at the end, to break him until Byakko tears through Atsushi's flesh and into his?

Nothing is hollow; Fyodor is just so hungry for scraps he can't bear to eat that he calls the viscera contracting around his aching gut nothingness, and garnishes his desires with incorrigible sin because then death might taste like salvation. He craves blood but hates when it touches him, because blood and viscera are too warm, too human; and he isn't that, even though he loves humanity so desperately that he's resolved to leave only when he can take the entire world with him.

[puhpandas]

hi mutuals im just curious.

[holland-vosijk-antari]

I've been thinking about how white london probably has different kinds of physical affection to red and grey, I can't imagine hugging being common among people who are casual friends like it is in a lot of places here (I'm talking from the pov of someone from an area not too far away from real london so i get that this isnt the case everywhere lol) hugging requires a certain trust that the person you are hugging is doing anything nefarious with their hands - like stabbing you in the back for instance... so i like to think that in white london where trust is about as thin on the ground as magic, hugging is a massive declaration of trust in which you may as well tell the other you love them.

on an additional note it makes me wonder about what affections would be commonplace, would a kiss on the cheek be a more common greeting to someone you care for? would people give a short bow as a greeting towards an acquaintance? (both things very common in many places in this world too so not exactly strange?) or are people simply all-or-nothing with their affections, giving all their affection to one or two people who have their absolute trust and not showing any at all otherwise?

when it comes to greeting a stranger i was taught in my martial arts classes to introduce myself with both hands visible and to shake hands with both of my hands as a sign of respect within the culture so i wonder if that kind of action would be common in makt - dont hide your hands when trying to gain someones trust or they will think you are hiding something...

[quillkiller]

rita skeeter & womanhood

anyone else ever think about rita skeeters fucked up relationship with femininity and womanhood as if it’s a costume she wears but it just doesn’t fit quite right :/

[i-miss-lotor]

So I romanced Astarion and let him ascend and I'm not going to lie, I always had a bit of a hate towards people who look down on me and call me or well, my characters, pet and such. And Astarion didn't change that, especially with the degradation part

But

Imagining the future where my character slowly becomes miserable with Astarion because while he does love her, he doesn't see her as his equal. And I mean even if you want to break up with him after the ascension and defeated brain he just doesn'tlet you (though im not there yet, i just read it somewhere). Imagining him slowly becoming furious, compelling my character to do things, to love him and then anger turns into desperation and hell, he just wants her, what can he do to make her love him again, what does she want, he will give it to her

Anyway I just want them to be happy, then miserable, then to slowly learn to love each other again with Astarion begrudgingly being a tiny bit nicer to others (cause my character mostly likes being nice but also she was an urchin, she's not above blackmail and deception and such. Ohh plus she's a bard, imagine Astarion wanting her to sing again but she doesn't so he makes her and it just breaks the trust again and again

And a scene where she escapes and then Astarion finds her and brings hell with him and kills whoever decided to help her and he's slowly breaking her spirit from the strong and defying woman she was, not realising at first that it's breaking him too.

(I especially like that little movement, swinging himself a bit when you ask if you can talk about your relationship with him and he responds "yes, my treasure?" *happy swingies, he's so happy and cute* and then cuts to him being angry and desperate and sad that his love doesn't look at him with adoration anymore, that the look he receives is not even angry but empty)

And the realization that oh no, did he became another Cazador? But no, he is better than him, he doesn't treat you like he was treated! ...does he?

[eruden-writes]

Desperation's Summit - Part 13

widowed troll x human raising triplets enemies-ish to lovers? on-going

Summary:

What happens when a rich human woman gets kidnapped by a troll in the mountains? The troll claims it was an accident, but is that really true?

cw: spousal death backstory

❄ Part 1 ❄ Masterlist ❄ Previous ❄

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When Cordelia awoke the next morning, it was to a pounding head, a lung wracking cough, and a fever. After a loud sniffle, she added 'sticky congestion' to her list of ailments. Trying to ignore the agitation of being ill, she shifted and her eyes slid around the room.

Upon entering Rakash's room last night, she found a rough-hewn desk and chair a top of pelt-like rug and books in an array of amateurish to professional binding. She didn't know if the books belonged to Karina or if they were legitimately bound Trollish texts and her exhaustion had outweighed her curiosity. There had also been a large fireplace, attached to the one in the main cabin room, she thought.

It took her a few minutes to locate the stairs that led to the mezzanine-like partial floor above, where his more bed and dressing area resided.

On the left side of the bed, morning light squeezed between panels of a curtained window. A large, foldable privacy screen sectioned off a small area of the room, flanked by a heavy, crudely made armoire. Her eye caught on the occasional tunic or discarded sock, reminding her she was in Rakash's domain. As if the scent lingering in his blankets wasn't reminder enough.

Vague snatches of last night danced through her mind. Her run-in with the thrall, the magic that had sizzled from her fingers, Rakash's confessional backstory.

Cordelia rubbed her fingers against the blankets swaddling her, as if she could erase the phantom sensations still burning there. While getting the medicine for Ebra, she had quietly sworn to not indulge Rakash, flirtatiously or carnally. He had disappointed her. She didn't bed people who disappointed her. Or that's what she told herself.

Avoiding the thoughts lurking at the edges of her thoughts, she considered whether she should attempt to venture down the stairs, despite her body's preemptive twinges, and to the kitchen for food.

"How're you feeling?" As if summoned by her consciousness and appetite, Rakash appeared from the stairway with a tray gripped in his hands. The shadows under his eyes had returned, making his features as grim-faced as the first time they met.

Strangely, something felt something was softer about him. Though that might just be thanks to her illness.

"Peachy," Cordelia croaked, her throat aching. Uncomfortable heat, unconnected to her illness, crept into her cheeks as she remembered her impromptu bath last night.

Rakash brought the tray closer, setting it on the bedside table with a soft clack. Without warning, he pressed his palm to her forehead. It took Cordelia a breathless beat to understand what he was doing just before he hummed in consternation, "I was worried this would happen."

"What?" As he stepped back, relieving her of his cooler palm, Cordelia eyed the offerings on the tray. Thick greyish glop steamed in the bowl. She presumed it was oatmeal or gruel. A mug with a greenish yellow hue that was hopefully tea. A piece of toasted bread and - amusingly - a small bowl of fruit sauce.

Faintly, she wondered if a trolling or three had assisted on this breakfast. If so, then they were all feeling well. That eased an unexpected knot in her chest.

Also among the food was her bound journal. An odd offering, she thought, before she remembered. It was the journal with the proportions for the medication scrawled in it. Rakash picked it up, waggling it in the air gently. "Tell me the measurements."

She blinked up at him, not quite understanding before realization hit her. Ah... it waswritten in Common, wasn't it?

That didn't explain why he wanted to know about the medicine now. Her eyebrows furrowed further, a slow mounting dread sinking into her chest. "Why? Your kids are fine, aren't they?"

"For you." Rakash tipped the journal closer to her head but stopped shy of lightly bopping her on the forehead.

Oh, that was why? Cordelia swallowed down a sigh of relief, that cold dread dissipating. Not even looking at Rakash, she dismissively waved her hand. "I'll be fine. It's just a cold."

Rakash narrowed his eyes, his features darkening for a second. He supposed he should be relieved she was back to being obstinate, but her tone rubbed him the wrong way. Something lurked between the words. It reminded him of her words the other night, when she asked if she looked like a "creepy, death-dealing mage."

He realized it hadn't been disgust that colored her tone then. It was disbelief. How could she be a mage? It seemed strange that Cordelia couldn't imagine herself being something.

Quietly, he watched her daintily spoon some of the fruit sauce – a concoction the kids swore she'd enjoy – into her mouth. She swallowed slowly, face pinching with a subdued flinch indicating her throat was raw. At least she went for another bite, which would hopefully fuel the fight inside her.

As he watched her eat, he considered how to convince her to allow him to help her. Maybe she didn't want to rely on him. Or maybe she just liked lording her abilities and capabilities over him. Though, that didn't seem the case, given the last twenty-four hours they'd endured. So why would she fight his assistance?

He supposed it didn't really matter. Cordelia was an adult and could do what she wanted, even if it caused detriment to herself. But something about how she spoke of herself nagged at his thoughts. Further, if she did get worse, would she be able to tell him the correct instructions for the medicine? His lips thinned at that thought. He really didn't want to lose her thanks to her own stubbornness, let alone to an illness he had medicines to combat.

Medicines he possessed specifically because of her.

An idea sparked through his head, forceful and warm. Before he thought too long in it, Rakash stepped forward, grabbed Cordelia by her chin, and stooped over her.

Her body went rigid at his touch. Heat bit at her cheeks and she wildly wondered if this was a fever or blush. Either way, a surprised squeak left her as he forced her gaze up. "What are you doi—!?"

Cordelia's body froze as Rakash swept down and caught her lips. She became very aware of the weight of the tray on her lap, torn between tossing it at the troll and holding it tight to ground herself. She also became agonizingly aware of the chill on one shoulder, where her nightgown had slipped low.

His heat eased the stiff ache in her muscles, the cold from her bones. Tired and weak, Cordelia let her eyes flutter shut, leaning into the kiss, and tilting her head a little. Her cheek brushed against one of his tusks as his tongue breached across her lips.

Despite the suddenness, the kiss was achingly tender. The affection made Cordelia twinge with need on a level entirely different than carnal. Something that battled against the pangs of illness, craving more simple touches versus salacious need.

When Rakash pulled away, Cordelia's eyes dazedly blinked open. She was greeted with his grin spread beneath his tusks.

"Oh no, I've been exposed to this highly contagious sickness." His deadpan words couldn't hide the smug glint in his eye as he leaned back. Once more he held up the journal and waved it in Cordelia's line of sight. "And if I get ill while my children's nanny is sick, there will be no one to care for the triplets."

She blinked up at him, eyes round and cheeks aching where his stubble razed her softer skin. Trying to ignore the embarrassment rising in her, her eyes narrowed. "Oh, you are absolutely wretched."

"As you've said before," Rakash sighed, though the slight curve of his lips betrayed his self-congratulations. Again, he waggled the journal in front of her. "The measurements?"

Cordelia had half a mind to ignore him. Stubbornness and spite didn't want to give into him, especially after he'd kissed her without consent! A small part of her knew she didn't actually mind, since it was Rakash. She shoved that small part to the deeper recesses of her brain, hoping it would never be seen again. He was just looking out for her stubborn self, since without her he'd be alone to care for his kids.

With that thought in mind, Cordelia sighed and relented.

"Zalmir and Kazri got quarter doses as precaution, while Ebra got a half dose for symptoms. Adult humans get full doses. I'm not sure about adult trolls, but I bought enough for ten human adults, just in case." Taking the journal, she flipped to the pages with the doctor's directions. After she indicated the measurements, describing how to differentiate between the ingredients through description or labeling, she shot him a withering look. "Happy now?"

Rakash took a moment to consider her instructions as he rubbed his chin. Once he relieved her of the journal, she pressed back against the pillows, glaring down into the bowl of oatmeal. She fought to convince herself that the way he mumbled the instructions back to himself, personalized for his own understanding, was not making her heart flutter.

When Rakash was certain he had a strong understanding, he flipped the journal shut – keeping a finger on the page to keep his spot – and glanced down at Cordelia. She refused to look at him. Her cheeks were a deeper shade of pink than a fever warranted and small bead of guilt pulsed through him.

It wasn't enough guilt to regret forcing her hand. Still, his voice was soft and gentle as he said, "I think I have it. Thank you."

Only when Rakash turned to leave did Cordelia bring her eyes up, glowering after him. As he descended down the stairs, and out of her sight, she remembered her food. Forcing her attention to the tray, she forced herself to eat while fending off nausea and suffering her sore throat. Another uncomfortable sensation had taken root alongside the queasiness. Something that she, yet again, didn't want to look too closely at.

x x x

Days passed and Cordelia's health slowly climbed closer to what one could call healthy. It was aggravatingly slow compared to Ebra's exuberant return to boisterous health. When she accused Rakash of getting the medicine measurements wrong for her, he calmly reminded her she also had a run-in with a thrall, which may have slowed her healing process. Even more infuriating was the fact she couldn't argue against that.

Even with her sniping, Rakash continued to bring her food, a change of clothes, and an allotment of medicine every day. His attentive behavior made the feelings in her chest tangle even tighter.

Worse, he always settled on the edge of the bed, side to side with her, watching closely as she drank the tonic. It was like he didn't trust her to take her medicine and on a few occasions she had half a mind to spit it at him. She never did, of course. It would have been a waste of medicine, but the temptation was there.

These were Cordelia's musings as she accepted the tonic from Rakash and as he settled beside her on the bed.

Imagining the shock that would paint his face made Cordelia vaguely smile. Of course, then his shock would give way to anger. Maybe even a scowl or a baring of teeth with a curled lip.

Cordelia had fallen silent, as she was wont to do during their newfound morning routine. Rakash chalked it up to her not being fully awake just yet. However, a few days had passed and she'd gotten better over that time, making him want to gauge her health.

He settled on the edge of the bed, leaning back against the headboard but not looking straight at the human woman. "How are you feeling today, Delwi?"

Thankfully, Cordelia had already gulped down the remedy, or else she may have choked. Heat sparked up her, hearing him call her the nickname she grudgingly allowed the trollings to use. The rush of blood to her cheeks made her skin burn as she shot a glare up at Rakash. "You do not call me that!"

"Why not? My kids do." He bit down a grin, watching from the corner of his gaze as the woman visibly bristled. A few days ago, she wouldn't have taken the bait. Opting instead to burrow further into the blankets, while half-heartedly complaining about his stench on them.

"This may come as a surprise to you, but theyare toddlers whereas you are not." Cordelia sniffed disapprovingly at him, settling the cup to the side as she dragged her spoon through the broth he had brought for the midday meal.

"So you noticed," he returned, the ghost of a smile dancing at his lips as his eyes hooded suggestively.

If this was how he interacted with his late wife, Cordelia could almost see his appeal. The irate edge of his voice had softened over the last few days, sounding far smoother than it had since she arrived. Rolling her eyes, she ignored the observation and clung to agitation. "I've barely noticed the difference."

To that, Rakash snorted.

"What?" Cordelia shot back at him.

"You either haven't met many children or know some awfully large ones if you could mistake me for a toddler." He leaned toward her, raising his eyebrows. At some point in their conversation, he had extended an arm behind her shoulders, along the top of the headboard. With her hair plaited and pulled over her shoulder, a vague thought realized he could coast his fingertips along the nape of her neck.

If he wanted to, of course.

"This may be hard for you to understand but I was speaking figuratively, not literally. You do understand the difference, don't you?" She narrowed her eyes at him, funneling haughtiness into her tone. Part of her didn't think he was listening. His gaze seemed angled behind her and Cordelia suddenly felt the open air on her bared skin there. The ambient heat of his arm taunted her.

"Barely." Rakash leaned closer toward her, arm sliding further along the headboard in an attempt to ease the itch in his fingers. Her body language tensed, the faint pink on her cheeks darkening as she turned away from him with a huff and returned to her soup. Like how his body heat teased Cordelia, hers tempted him. The last few days of taking care of her, coupled with his gratitude for her interference, had further softened him to this arrogant woman. It didn't help that his 'stench' and her scent were intertwined in his bed now.

He found his eyes drawn to her lips more often, especially as she ate, recalling the smallest of sounds she had made during their sudden kiss. His fingers curled, knowing how soft she was from that very first night. When he had accidentally stolen her away. Sitting with her under his arm, Rakash knew he would have willingly made the same mistake again.

The thought struck him like a club over the head and he sat straight, averting his gaze with his arm falling off the headboard and to his own side. Rakash had to remind himself Cordelia was not happy with the circumstances. Even if he wouldn't change his actions, she'd surely wish otherwise. That notion spun around his head, even when she shot him a curious look as he retreated.

If he was a lesser man, he could have convinced himself she was disappointed at him moving away.

They sat in silence for a few moments, Cordelia quietly eating and wondering why he'd suddenly pulled away. Rakash continued to sit on the edge of the bed, leaned back against the headboard. A safe buffer of space had squeezed between them.

It was Rakash who broke the amicable silence as he turned toward Cordelia. "Do you feel well enough to get out of bed today?"

She paused, shooting him a suspicious look with her spoon clamped in her mouth. The momentary relief of his eyes being turned away from her as she ate fled as a breathless sort of apprehension crawled back into her chest. Why she suddenly felt fidgety under Rakash's gaze, Cordelia didn't understand.

With that though securely in place, her eyebrow raised cynically as she eased the spoon from her lips. "So eager to put me back to work?"

Only with willful determination did Rakash not let his eyes drop to Cordelia's lips and watch the utensil slip from between her lips. Well, determination and curiosity to see her reaction to what he had planned. "No, I have something to show you."

Cordelia's nose wrinkled with preemptive disapproval, her thoughts swinging back to their previous discussion. She ignored the bite of heat on her cheeks as she said, "This doesn't have anything to do with you proving you're bigger than a toddler, does it?"

"No," he snorted and shook his head, unable to keep his lips from twitching into a grin. "Though, if you ask nicely, I might be inclined t—"

His teasing words were cut off as a flustered Cordelia flung a pillow into his face. As he chuckled into the cushion, she faintly realized that weeks ago she'd been perversely curious how Rakash looked when he smiled, when he laughed. Now, she was woefully unprepared for that expression on his lips, so close to her own face.

She could have leaned over, closed that distance, and—

Before Rakash fully lowered the pillow, a mass of blankets rained down on him. Cordelia scrambled from the bed, moving her bowl of soup to the bedside table with her mug of tea.

"A momentary change of scenery should be fine," she primly trilled as she staggered on semi-wobbly legs to the little heap of her clothes that sat on a small chest by the privacy screen. In her effort to gain distance from Rakash, Cordelia didn't notice when he pushed the blankets off. Nor did she notice how his eyes followed her.

With the light from the window through the thin material of her chemise, memories of her nude form kneeling beside him washed over Rakash's thoughts. A lump formed in his throat as heat raged in his center. When did it become so warm in the room? Taking a deep breath through his nose, he averted his gaze and stood.

"I'll wait for you below as you get ready," he said and headed for the stairs. She didn't seem to care or notice, he thought, as he descended to the safety below.

Sorting carelessly through her clothes, not really seeing what she was picking up, Cordelia listened to Rakash leave. Try as she might, she couldn't ignore heart thrumming noisomely in her chest.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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[monkee-mobile]

EVERYBODY LOOK AT MIKE’S STUPID DUMB KNEES

okay, move along

[roobylavender]

had talia not been character assassinated do you think she and bruce should have gotten back together?

no. i hate to use the word "phase" bc that would seem to diminish the importance of what's between them, which is something that will always persist esp as their continued dedication to the same causes and their respect for each other remains. but i do think realistically bruce should be a phase in talia's life. at least in terms of consummated romances specifically. i do love the idea of them remaining allies, close friends, and co-parents, but i think allowing talia to walk away from ra's and bruce in the first place has to stand for something in the long term. before talia went her own way i think it was easier to imagine a potential future where she ended up with bruce bc it felt like the desirable option. she was in this very debilitating position where she had little to no freedom to act on her own desires and goals, the embodiment of which was none other than bruce. so when you frame her situation pre-tower of babel, obv wanting to be with bruce was appealing. he was as much the love of her life as he was a means of escape and freedom and talia having the scope to then act on her own desires. i think that's what subsequently makes dc #750 (or is it #570. i never get the numbers straight and i'm too lazy to check) a really clever issue, actually, bc it acknowledges that and the fact that bruce once again setting her free bc of his love for her actually gives her the courage to step out on her own where she never has before. the fact that she has the option to go back to gotham with bruce and presumably have everything she's ever wanted with him, but she leaves it anyway, is a really huge deal. it's a statement. she loves him, but not more than she loves herself. and sure, what talia puts herself through during lex corp era certainly begs the question of whether her version of loving herself is really viable or in any way healthy, and i would love to see bruce help her recognize that she's not alone and that she doesn't have to do it alone to prove that she's capable. all of this i agree with. but i don't think that really means she and bruce have to fall back on their once-imagined dream of playing house. even if talia did find methods of going about her work that were mentally healthier i don't really know what'd be in it for her to play house with bruce in gotham. bc that is what it would have to be, for their relationship to work in any way. bruce will never leave gotham and son of the demon didn't need to explore that issue bc it was never going to get there but trust that corny as the line about naming the baby thomas or martha was it was reflective of a reality: gotham is bruce's entire life. no matter where he goes, no matter what he does, no matter who he works with, in the end he will always belong to gotham. and i simply do not think that would ever work for talia bc there is so much more she is capable of. while her vision is aligned with bruce's her scope of access and ability is entirely distinct of his own and there is so much more that she can do aside from relegate herself to gotham (hence why lex corp as an arc makes so much sense, bc it capitalizes on that scope). and yeah every superhero couple is kinda crazy and they have teleportation and shit but idk i don't think it's really a relationship for each party to go on long missions with ill-defined parameters that give them the worst sleep schedules known to man and occasionally they share a bed. it really isn't. and that's something that bruce and talia have to live with. their duty is always going to come first even though they both have a passion for civilian life. for talia to be in a relationship again she would have to stop having the liberty of being able to go wherever the work carries her and for bruce to be in a relationship again he would have to have the equivalent of a robin-wife. neither of these things is ever going to happen. so

[mrkis]

ok i know i have like two mark wips rn… but hear me out. snobby rich boy mark who pays someone to take his virginity. thoughts?

[m1ckeyb3rry]

GUESS WHO FINALLY CAUGHT UP W THE BLLK MANGA 🤩

[procrastinationaccount]

I'm going to lose my fucking mind

[sovonight]

guilty as charged

[itoshi-s]

the blue lock men in a tokrev au…… the mind i have to live with is atrocious