#thoughts about stuff

[not-poignant]

I've been catching up on writing Underline the Gold (Anton / Flitmouse), which is featuring pretty hardcore eating disorder recovery, and it's been pretty confrontational.

But it's also good to be writing Flitmouse again, not least because he's such an angry omega, and he's so cynical and jaded with everything, and also he's in this picturesque location and he hates the beach so much. Just...so much.

[alleesaur]

doodling a bunny vs doodling a hare

[yeepof]

I understand that tall men are our POV characters, but surely being like a foot taller than everyone around them would have some occasional consequences

[littlemut]

[tonispencerart]

I did it...

Today is my 2nd 'Sober Birthday'. A little over two years ago - on New Year's Day 2023, actually - I woke up in my friend's house, a few hundred miles from my house, feeling like absolute Hell. The night before was their wedding. They'd bought a crazy amount of wine and, upon realising they had so much wine leftover (that they'd already bought and paid for) the groom announced that said wine needed drinking... because they'd already paid for it. I mean, it makes sense, I guess. For some reason, I'd taken that as some sort of personal challenge and set about doing my bit to drink the wine. The thing was, I'd already had more than enough (and whatever else I'd had from the bar) but I was an addict - and it was free (to me). I stayed at their house alone that night (they were staying in the hotel) and I was in a bit of state when I got there. And, like I said, I woke up feeling horrendous. But it was what I needed, I think. I had to reach a new low - and I did. When I got back to Glasgow, I was still drinking, but I had turned a corner, I think. And, on the 5th January 2023, I made to decision to quit drinking. Partly because I knew I was about to start ADHD medication (mixing a stimulant with a depressant - never a good idea!) but because my drinking had absolyely gotten out of hand and I needed to stop before I spiralled. That was two years ago. The first year was kind if awful, actually, especially at the start. I did get better, but overall it sucked. This year has been a lot easier to handle. True, there were some not-so-good days and I found myself thinking about having a drink. I even had a dream on New Year's Eve that I was drinking. That wasn't pleasant to wake up from. So the thoughts are still there, I guess. I said last year that I wasn't sure of that would ever go away. Maybe it will, one day. But for now at least, it hasn't - though it is far less frequent. Here's to continued sobriety, I guess.

[nothingbizzare]

You have a good heart

[chloesimaginationthings]

William Afton winning that “idgaf” award in FNAF

[hmura-hmara]

Something about Luke being the spitting image of his father

[lopsaii]

Ongoing stepladder debate

[umblrspectrum]

3 years of this godforsaken show

[akanemnon]

I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[ciderjacks]

dad issues

+

(I think they were all fundamentally affected by what they saw and just collectively decided not to share the upsetting details)

[lgbtlunaverse]

There's a version of the "don't go grocery shopping while hungry" rule specifically for writers where you should never under any circumstances be allowed to touch your draft within 3 hours of reading a really good story. Because sometimes when you read something great your head goes "fuck this is so much better than my stuff I should make that more like THIS instead!" Look at me. That's the devil talking and you should close the document NOW.

[inkskinned]

i hate to say it because i'm neurodivergent and a chronic-pain-haver but like... sometimes stuff is going to be hard and that's okay.

it's okay if you don't understand something the first few times it's explained to you. it's okay if you have to google every word in a sentence. it's okay if you need to spend a few hours learning the context behind a complicated situation. it's okay if you need to read something, think about it, and then come back to re-read it.

i get it. giving up is easier, and we are all broken down and also broke as hell. nobody has the time, nobody has the fucking energy. that is how they win, though. that is why you feel this way. it is so much easier, and that is why you must resist the impetus to shut down. fight through the desire you've been taught to "tl;dr".

embrace when a book is confusing for you. accept not all media will be transparent and glittery and in the genre you love. question why you need everything to be lily-white and soft. i get it. i also sometimes choose the escapism, the fantasy-romance. there's no shame in that. but every day i still try to make myself think about something, to actually process and challenge myself. it is hard, often, because of my neurodivergence. but i fight that urge, because i think it's fucking important.

especially right now. the more they convince you not to think, the easier it will be to feed you misinformation. the more we accept a message without criticism, the more power they will have over that message. the more you choose convenience, the more they will make propaganda convenient to you.

[tonispencerart]

Well, this is awkward...

I did it again. Sort of. I sort of forgot about Tumblr again. But I've also spent a massive chunk of December unwell. It started the way it always seems to lately: with an allergic reaction to e-cigarette vapour. If I could, I'd ban the blasted things. And it hit me twice this month. Under 'normal' circumstances, I'd have a bad reaction maybe once a year, if that. This past year, I've been ill several times. And, like I said, twice this month alone. I don't really understand why but my guess would be because the damned things are heckin' everywhere. It's definitely a hard thing to avoid now - harder than it used to be even within the past five years or so. Anyway, both times this month the reaction has been so bad that my immune system has basically screamed "I QUIT!" and I've ended up with a gnarly chest infection on top of really, really bad hay fever symptoms. And this one that I'm currently trying to fight off right now is probably the worst one I can remember. It sucks. I'm sore everywhere, I can't sleep, I cannot get comfortable, even when I'm awake, and it just isn't shifting. It's like it's hit a point now where it's just happily coasting along and doing whatever it's doing and I'm just feeling rubbish all the time. I can see me having to drag my backside to the doctor on Monday morning. And because I've been feeling so unwell, I haven't really done much of anything creative at all this month, even though I've absolutely tried. I even had to pull out of the Christmas Burlesque show two days before the show because I was in pain and f**king miserable. I had a really good act that I really enjoyed putting together. With Christmas speeding into view and a new year close behind it, I guess what I want to do/say/think/whatever is my intention to be even more creative and expressive with my art practice in the coming year. 2024 has been good, and I've had some great ideas I've really enjoyed exploring, but there have obviously been several setbacks with my health (physical, mental, and emotional), too. I'm a huge believer in not doing just one thing with my art practice. I consider myself a multi-disciplined artist (painter/printmaker/actor/writer/performer... and at one time, many years ago, a musician). I think 'niching down' is to invite a kind of death with any art practice. Doing just one kind of art? That has never appealed to me. I'd be bored within a month or less for one thing! I kind of like the idea of having a finger in as many 'pies' as possible, just to keep things interesting. In 2025, I would like to organise my first solo art exhibition, too. I'd wanted that this year but it all went wrong, I guess. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be in that moment. I have to learn to be OK with that. I have so many ideas, too. I will also have to learn how to focus on an idea and develop my ideas properly instead of doing five things at once! Also, speaking it out into the universe in the hopes that I can actually make it into something real this time, I'd like to actually start teaching community art and get more people exploring their creative, artist selves. The world needs more artists.

[druid-for-hire]

[images ID: three images of a comic titled "one must imagine sisyphus happy" by druid-for-hire. it is a visual narrative beginning with someone with wrist pain (depicted by bright orange nerves) working at a drafting table. the reader is shown the same wrist as the person uses it for many everyday tasks such as carrying a grocery basket, pushing elevator buttons, typing, and doing dishes, until the pain dissolves all the panels into chaos. the person then performs several physical therapy exercises until the pain subsides. they sit back down at a desk with their laptop, sigh, and begin typing. a small spark of pain reappears. end id]

a fun little piece i made during the semester and submitted into our school comic anthology! (which you can buy at the Static Fish table at MoCCAFest in NYC ;] ). it's about artists and injury