#though in this case that reference wouldn’t apply

[traceyc-uk]

Do you have any lore for the new fifth year's parents or his background before he came to hogwarts?

Like Isidora, he could also see traces of ancient magic at a young age but merely took it to be a trick of the light. Drawn to the concentrated glimmers in the River Thames, he found the choicest scraps to earn an extra bit of pocket ✨

I’m a little bit fascinated by the historical element people find mudlarking in the Thames, the river is an ancient repository all on its own! I actually didn’t have any earlier life lore but your ask inspired this little bit and you taking the time to show the interest means a lot so TY you absolute sweet thing! 🫂💖

Tbh he’s developed so much from when I first started posting, I’ll probably continue to do so over time filling in little details like this.

I couldn’t help myself having him at seven and not drawing that smile

[greenplumbboblover]

[WIP] Lyralei's Pose addon - Part 2

(See previous post: Click me!)

First things first, MASSIVE thanks to @thesweetsimmer111 for all the help to make this work better and sharing her knowledge on Track masks with me (and the world!)

👀 Better Look at (with reactions!)

Maybe it’s just me, but I used to get endlessly frustrated when Sims wouldn’t properly turn their heads to face an item. So, I set out on a little mission to make their head movements more natural! Unfortunately, that didn’t go as planned—turns out EA’s code for the “Look At” feature is completely deprecated and no longer functional.

Knowing I couldn’t just code a fix, I had to explore other approaches. That’s when @thesweetsimmer111 came up with a brilliant solution: blending left, right, up, and down poses to create a more convincing look-at effect! 🎉

(See: Post)

What's different?

Here's the original pose, without Look at turned on....

On the left, we got VA's original look at.

On the right is what Savanita and I came up with! :)

don’t want to make it seem like the original Look At feature was awful—it actually works pretty well in some cases! For example, in this pose, if the plant were on the other side, the difference wouldn’t be that noticeable since her head is already tilted slightly. 😊

(Same layout again: Left = VA's, Right = Me and Savanita's approach)

Plus, maybe you do want something more subtle, then VA's Look at is great!

Anyways! Of course, I couldn't stop there! Now, your sim has a few options of turning towards the object:

(Note, this list will get 10x cooler in the next feature ;D)

This list is what the "trackmasks" are. :)

Okay, let's give "Eyes Only" a try. So, we expect Morgana to ONLY look at the plant, with her eyes.

(Left is before using look at, Right is with look at, and one up for fun-cies)

And, to please @nocturnalazure's wishes, yep! It now accepts Facial Expressions! :D

(I never would've thought I would see Evil Morgana lmao)

🎭Blending Poses/Reactions

After Savanita's amazing idea of using Track Masks, I found out that I can apply that same technique on, well, poses! And this is a feature I'm SUPER proud of (And honestly, it's taken me an entire week to get working 🙃)

First things first, when we choose the interaction, we will first be greeted by our "trackmask" list with all the selections on it

So, I made a few examples to show of what you could do, but in all fairness, it's endless!

Here I chose the option "Both Arms".

Here I chose "Head And Neck". Look! She even has the expression! (Don't worry though, i also have an expression-less version in the making ;))

What about... Animations?!

While blending poses has the ability to also type in your pose names by name, rather than list, you can also use EA's!

The list is pretty long ( believe 200 entries?) but here is a sneak peek:

Though, as far as I've been able to tell, EA reactions aren't as flexible, where I can tell it to only use the arms, or the eyes. Instead, we got these options:

So, unless I found a way to get around it, this is the only way to do it.

But without further ado....

Here I used the same pose(left) as the last 2 pictures, but with "OverlayHead". And chose "Boo"

(I just realised it looks like she is about to get hit by a ball lol)

🕰️ History List

The Add-on now remembers your pose history!

Whether you’re a dedicated “Pose by Name” user or prefer the simplicity of “Show by List”, both options now display your pose history for quick reference.

Note: Each Sim has their own individual history list. This means you’ll only see the pose history for Sim X when clicking on them, and not for Sim Y.

📓What's up next?

Adding all the trackmask. (I still need add the hands and legs ones)

Adding an in-game Category maker, so you don't have to edit the XML. It will mean you need to replace the XML file in S3PE yourself. But I can always make a quick How-To for guidance 😉

(Note to self) Optimize the Categorisation code. It's currently taking 1 minute up from the loading screen 😬)

Fixing some minor bugs where Look at will still turn the sim's head back to it's original position.

Fixing some issues where Blending poses with certain track masks aren't working well or at all.

Fixing an issue where the dialogs can crash the whole game (woops!)

Sooo, I think a release date is pretty soon! I think within a week :)

Any VA Addon Bug Fixes?

Of course! It's the mod that inspired me to make stories, and even get to make this mod! I couldn't just... leave it to collect dust while it's other child mod is getting all the attention. :p

Changelog:

There is now an interaction that uses both look at & reaction simultaneously. (In case you don't want to use my look at interaction).

Fixed an issue where reactions would sometimes or never show on the sim.

Fixed an issue where using "Random Quick Poses" would occasionally show a breathing sim, doing nothing.

Fixed an issue where certain poses get called twice, making it harder to keep reactions or even look at history data.

Some minor code changes that aren't worth mentioning honestly.

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Sunrise

soldier!san x soldier!reader

military dilf/milf agents working in the special forces au

word count: ~29k

genres and warnings: mostly angst, sometimes fluffy, smut (mdni), violence warnings, past trauma, blood and weapons, basically its war but san makes it better <3

synopsis: you and san are majors in the special forces, having trained together after your sector was occupied. you both work as partners in your team now, surviving through hell together and having each other's back. you think the idea of romance while being in the military is stupid for a number of reasons, but san thinks otherwise and decides to prove his point, making you question your beliefs.

manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (we talked about ateez as military dilfs and this happened LOL)

“I’ve had enough of grown men acting like children,” you muttered to yourself, trying to find the scissors in the box of instruments, shuffling them loudly and not realising you were holding your breath until the patient in front of you helped by picking the scissors right out as if they had been right there the entire time time. 

“What was that?”

You glared at the grown man you had referred to now having heard your complaint, a faint smirk crawling on his lips as if taunting you- and perhaps, he was. You were acting like a child too. You were feeling like a child ready to burst at him.

You said nothing, only cut the gauze and secured it around the wound you had just stitched. His eyes continued to bore holes into you and you continued to ignore it as you took the ointment and a cotton swab, applying it gently on his grazed cheekbone. 

“You’re clenching your jaw a bit too hard right now, Major Seo. You don’t want to end up being unable to sleep because your jaw hurts… again.”

Referring to the time you hurt your jaw- the only time you lost your footing even in your own memory. It made it on your Top Embarrassing Moments list, and he was a part of every item on that list. And the fact that your squad wouldn’t let you live it down made it worse. After all, you had lost your footing and bumped into a shelf because Major Choi caught your eye when he was taking off his jacket.

Major Choi San. Your squad member but probably your worst enemy too. 

“At least I didn’t cut my arm trying to run after a cat, Major Choi.”

“The cat might have stepped on a landmine-”

“The cats are not that dumb,” you put a bandage on his cheekbone and intentionally pressed it harder than you had to, making sure this jab hurt with the one you had made verbally- referring to the time he almost stepped on a landmine after drinking. He had been grounded for weeks after and you had enjoyed every bit of peace that followed. “We literally have a mission in two days, Major.”

“Ah, don’t tell me you care,” Major Choi scoffed out loud and you couldn’t help but glance around you, noticing very well how the other nurses were eyeing the two of you while they treated their patients. You understood them but at the same time, you didn’t. You understood that most of them found him intimidating and for all the right reasons. You didn’t (though that was questionable too) because you two had trained together since the very beginning. 

So, why did Major Choi refuse to be treated by anyone else other than you? Was it simply to get on your nerves? In that case, he should know he was already doing a good enough job. Or was it because you two were the only ones who were still here, still alive, after spending almost a decade on the field together? Or maybe it was because of that one time you both shared a traumatic experience-

You didn’t care enough, you told yourself. 

“Of course I care,” you began, wrapping up the sprawled instruments on the trolley. “I will have to do twice the amount of work without you. And my risk of dying increases by a solid 14 percent. Of course I’d rather have you on the team.”

Major Choi rolled his eyes, getting up and wearing his jacket again, watching you close the medical kits and roll the trolley to a corner, shaking his head in amusement when you flipped a finger at him and went ahead to report him. He followed right behind you, wondering how to bait you into not reporting to their leader at all.

“Major Seo,” he called but you ignored him, knowing that ‘pleading’ tone very well. “Major Seo… Pretty.”

You rolled your eyes so hard you felt a sharp pain go through your skull. He was always making something up with your last name ‘Seo’, adding adjectives so he could call you something like ‘so angry’ or ‘so bossy’. You hated it and it had been a mistake to react to it in the beginning because he never let it go again.

“Say something like that again and you’ll have me presenting an exaggerated report. You won’t be seeing sunlight for a while, Major.”

“So feisty,” he shook his head and you stopped, turning to glare at him and he realised then, shaking his head furiously. “I didn’t mean it like that. Promise.”

You sighed, tuning out his rambling and knocking at the squad leader’s door. When you heard the familiar clearing of his throat as an answer, you stepped inside and the two of you saluted in synchronisation until the man nodded.

“Sergeant Kim, reporting to you from Squad 8,” you called and the sergeant scoffed.

“Major Choi got in trouble again?”

“Yes, Sergeant,” Major Choi decided to speak for himself. “I was… saving a cat from a landmine.”

“How many times have I told you to leave the cats alone, Major?”

“17 times as of now, Sergeant!” Major Choi saluted and you stifled a smile. The Sergeant asked you to report the damage and you did- it wasn’t too bad but if you had to go on the mission tomorrow instead of the day after like planned, he wouldn’t be able to join.

“If we have to go to the field tomorrow,” Sergeant Kim concluded, “You’ll stay back.”

“But, Sergeant-”

“And we better have clean rooms and a fresh meal when we get back,” Sergeant Kim glared at him. “If we go the day after… then you can join.”

You felt the Major shift from one foot to another and were reminded of the boy he used to be- when he was still Choi San and not Major Choi- suddenly feeling nostalgic. Some habits never changed. The Major cleared his throat and saluted in answer and you followed, leaving to go back to your rooms. 

You both walked in silence as you approached the dorms and just as you were about to part ways, you heard Major Choi clear his throat and you spared a glance.

“I won’t be staying back, even if we have to go tomorrow,” his gaze was steel. “You, of all people, should know that.”

“I don’t want to risk bringing an injured squad member who could be a liability to the rest of us. You know that.”

The Major stifled a groan but before he could insist, you continued. “Do you remember the last time we took an injured member with us?”

His eyes flashed. “This is only a cut to my arm. It’s not something that will affect our mission.”

“Your aim could be affected. Whatever, there’s no point arguing with you,” you groaned, tired and ready to hit the bed and knock yourself out. “You’ll stay behind if we’re going tomorrow, end of the discussion.”

“We’ll see,” he said and you knew he meant that there was no way he wouldn’t join. You hoped Sergeant Kim, at least, wouldn’t give in to him tomorrow. You really could not lose another squad member just because they insisted on joining despite being injured, no matter how small the injury might be. 

So you did the only thing you could do- pray you wouldn’t have to go to the field tomorrow. But you knew that as a Major in the Special Forces, you always had to expect the worst. You did not have the luxury of hoping for a miracle. All you could do was pray and ignore the gnawing feeling in your gut which was answer enough.

And it was not like your prayers were answered because as you woke up at the crack of dawn, you noticed that it wasn’t as noisy as it used to be. Already knowing what was ahead, you wore your black and grey uniform and got ready, taking a few deep breaths in the room before straightening and stepping outside.

It was awfully empty too- none of the others from your squad or other squads exiting their rooms with puffy eyes or tired figures. When you heard the sound of a door opening, you turned to see your own squad member, Major Yu, looking as confused as you.

“Where are the others?” She asked.

“Exactly what I’m wondering,” you frowned. “Did they perhaps dispatch Squad 6 last night?”

“Not when I was awake,” she wiped the sleep from her eyes. “Let’s go. We might have to prepare for the mission today, it seems.”

With a sinking heart, you both decided to go to the Sergeant’s office first and just as you had thought, the mission had taken an unexpected turn last night. The secret operation the other squads had been on for the past few days had been discovered and Squad 6 had been dispatched to help them, but they needed to change shifts now. 

“It’s getting uglier- the enemy won’t let them go so easily,” Sergeant Kim said. “We’re carrying out our operation in 3 hours from now, so prepare for it. Make no mistakes- but first… eat breakfast. I don’t want any of you looking pale because you didn’t eat.”

Major Yu smiled at that and the two of you saluted, about to exit when you turned. “Major Choi San insists on joining the operation.”

“He’s ready to go,” the Sergeant shook his head and you gaped at him. “He got up quite early today. As if he knew.”

Indeed, you spotted him in the cafeteria gulping down his breakfast as if he was short on time when he looked as prepared as one could be, dressed in his gear and loaded with weapons. You rolled your eyes, taking your tray of food to sit at the table next to him.

“All this effort. Did you change your bandages?”

The Major stopped in the middle of stuffing his face with rice. “Uh… I thought I had to change it later?”

“You’re going to the field, you fool,” you couldn’t believe it. “What are you gonna do, ask me to change your bandage when we’re getting fired at from every direction?”

“Oh, but you’d do that for me, won’t you?” He teased and you pretended to throw up, Major Yu laughing at the two of you as she joined you. “Don’t worry. We can get the bandage changed now. I’ll undress for you-”

“And, there he is,” Major Yu sighed. “I really wonder what you’ve got against this poor girl, Major Choi. You should go to the medical ward- we have to prepare too.”

“Then the bandages can wait-”

“Ugh, okay, I’ll change them for you, we don’t want them infected,” you muttered, already feeling done for the day. He always had to be so stubborn. You simply did not have the time to entertain him. You had things to do- but first, you would change his bandages so he could get off your back and let you prepare in peace.

You had to admit- you were slightly amused to see him struggle unloading himself and taking off all the complicated belts and ropes before finally being able to take off his shirt so you could inspect his upper arm. You shook your head. “That’s what you get for being over-efficient. You could have waited until I woke up, but no. You had to be present before any of your squad members.”

“I knew you were not going to let me go, so I did what I had to.”

Even though working in the Special Forces had turned your heart to rock, it still fluttered whenever the man in front of you looked at you funny or said something like this. However, your face didn’t reveal any of it and you prayed he wasn’t observant enough to notice. 

“Well, I can’t stop you now,” you sighed in relief to see he was healing up well. “Be careful not to rip your stitches. I’ll be carrying a kit so if you feel like something is wrong, you need to tell me before it gets worse, okay?”

“Yes, boss.”

“And stop being so casual with me,” you glared at him before taping a new bandage to his arm and securing it well this time. 

“I literally called you ‘boss’,” Major Choi chuckled to himself. You poked your tongue in your cheek as you glared at him- or tried to, but his eyes curving when he laughed always put a smile on your own face. He noticed that and said, “You’re allowed to smile.”

“Whatever,” you chuckled. “Be careful out there, okay? We’re marching to Sector 1. It cannot get any more dangerous than that.”

“I know,” his tone grew grim and you knew you were both recalling the life-threatening situation you faced the last time you were there- about two years ago. “You’ll have my back, won’t you?”

“And you’ll have mine,” you said and he nodded. “Let’s all come back alive, okay?”

It was always like this between you two- especially after that incident a couple years ago. You two may tease each other to death and be out for each other like enemies but you trusted each other the most out of anyone else. Time and time again, you both proved what being a team meant. The Major got up and opened his mouth as if to say something but shook his head instead, and you resisted the urge to ask him to finish his thought, instead saying you’ll join him in the office after getting ready and went to prepare for the operation in your room.

It was a mechanical process now- gearing up in your uniform which was so black you would become one with the shadows, docking up on layers and ropes and packing your bag with all the necessities- a medical kit, some food rations, water, your radio and all the necessary equipment. Lastly, you hid weapons everywhere on yourself where you could, the only visible ones the guns around your belt and a sniper hanging by your shoulder.

You went to the office and found Major Kang and Major Choi Jongho already present, chatting with Major Yu. Your squad- and naturally, the rest started referring to Major Choi Jongho as ‘Major CJ’ which started as a joke first until it wasn’t anymore. You settled down near them and said hello, joining in the conversation- Major Yu detailing the events of the morning to them.

“So I genuinely thought someone had died, or worse, because it hasn’t been this silent around here since the time Major Han said she found Sergeant Kim attractive out loud,” Major Yu said and Major Kang burst into his trademark giggle that made everyone around him laugh. “So I found her looking as confused as me and she had that funny look on her face- you know the one she makes when she either has no idea what’s going on or when Major Choi says something weird-”

You rolled your eyes. Major Yu had to be the most laid back person in your squad and sometimes you wished she wasn’t so observant. “Whatever Major Choi does doesn’t affect me.”

“He literally makes you almost cry, but okay, we can pretend we don’t see that,” Major CJ said and the others grinned at you giving them the side-eye. 

“Where’s he now, anyway?” You wondered. “He was up and ready so early that I’m wondering if he went to bed like that-”

“And of course you wonder how I go to bed,” Major Choi said, entering the room and having heard the last part, making you wonder how he always managed to appear at the worst possible timing. “I had to do what I had to.”

“Still, I think it’s too much,” Major Kang shook his head. “We don’t take injured people to the field. You know the rules.”

“But this mission requires my presence- everyone’s presence. We’re all going in, whether you guys like it or not.”

“Alright,” you shrugged. “If you become a liability, we’ll leave you on the field and return. At least my nurse duties will decrease by half.”

“And I’d have the room to myself!” Major Kang cheered and Major CJ grinned. Major Choi, however, was sulking deeper with every passing minute and Major Yu poked his elbow right where you had stitched it, making him scowl and you wondered if she did it on purpose. 

“Ay, you know we wouldn’t do that to you,” she assured him. “But you have to admit, the thought of having one less person to write reports about is very tempting to me-”

“Please,” Major Choi groaned out loud and you silently laughed, knowing they were all trying to raise his spirits before the mission because he was the type to get very serious before going to the field.

A few moments later, Sergeant Kim and Major Han arrived in the office and all of you got up and saluted your leader before he settled down with you, now forming a little circle so he could look all of you in the eyes as he instructed you and shared the details. 

“I’m happy to see all of you present and healthy,” Sergeant Kim glared at Major Choi who pretended to be interested in the very boring ceiling all of a sudden. “We’re leaving in exactly 30 minutes from now and we will be on standby at the border of Sector 1 before we go in to extract Squad 7. Squad 5 will take care of Squad 6 so if you come across anyone from Squad 6, you will take them with you but alert 5 before you take another step, is that understood?”

“Yes, Sir!” Everyone said in unison.

“Just like always, we’re splitting into teams- I’m leading with Delta and Sierra as Team 1,” Sergeant Kim referred to Major Kang and Major Yu who straightened and nodded. “Fox and Victor as Team 3, Charlie and Echo as Team 2.”

You being Echo and Charlie being Major Choi- you met eyes for a moment before nodding. Sergeant Kim continued, “If the two of you require assistance, you will call either Fox or Victor,” he referred to Major Han and Major CJ. “And if they cannot join you, then Delta or Sierra will. You’re at the heart of the operation, though, so be careful, okay?”

“Okay,” Major Choi’s grip on his rifle tightened- something that went unobserved by most but then again, you were familiar with every movement of his body. 

“And lastly,” Sergeant Kim sighed- you all knew how much he hated delivering the final instruction which was- “If any of you is indisposed, you all know the rules. Our first priority is making sure the mission succeeds- and this time, it’s to extract Squad 7 who hold important data with them. Help will come later, till then… you’ll be on your own. May the fates be with you.”

A collective sigh went through the room- it wasn’t because of the fear of being indisposed, but the fear someone else would be and you would have to leave them behind. That was the hardest part. Sergeant Kim got up. “You are allowed to request backup, remember that. I will be back in 30- check each other’s gears.”

The half an hour passed by in a flurry of light jokes, assuring taps, fixing some part of the gear and then waiting until Sergeant Kim arrived in gear and the seven of you proceeded to move to the basement where three cars waited for you with additional soldiers. You and Major Choi got inside your car and travelled in silence for the rest of the way, watching the expanse of barren fields until you reached the border of Sector 1. You leaned a bit to see the silhouette of buildings that were at the heart of Sector 1- a city that had once bloomed with life, now dead and infiltrated with terrorists. 

The city that had once been your home- and Major Choi’s, who was also staring into the distance with glazed eyes.

You proceeded to turn on the radio setup and connect it with the rest of the teams while Major Choi lazily cleaned his guns, sighing deeply in between. Once you were done testing your radios, you relaxed back and he finally spoke.

“Do you think we would have come across each other if Eden hadn’t attacked our home?”

You blinked at the sudden and personal question- another unusual thing from Major Choi today- you didn’t like being personal during a mission and he knew it. But the way you both had been stealing glances at what was once your home, you supposed curiosity got the better of him.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Maybe? At some point of our life? Sector 1 isn’t too big.”

“I sometimes wonder if we were fated to meet each other,” he mused. “From being homeless to finding a place in the army- we have been together for a while, haven’t we?”

You pursed your lips- it still stung whenever you recalled the dark times. “Do you sometimes wonder what it would have been like if we didn’t make it in the army?”

“All the time,” he admitted, sounding grim. “But we… We kept each other in check. We still do.”  You smiled at that and he joined, whispering, “We’ve kept each other alive.”

“Or maybe you have been stupid enough to not let me die- not without you,” you pointed out. “I still wonder what went through your head that one time you disobeyed all orders, risked your title and stayed back for me when I was indisposed.”

“But you did the same for me so many times,” he cocked his head. “You’ve risked your life for me more times than I can count.”

“We do that for everyone in our team,” you reminded him, though you knew he saw right through you. “We disobey orders all the time. I’m surprised they haven’t shuffled us around yet. Also, can you stop being sentimental right before a life-threatening mission?” You couldn’t help it and you both laughed. “There’s a time for everything, Major Choi San.”

He raised a brow at the way you called his name and you looked away- you could never meet his gaze long enough. Luckily, the radio sounded with your leader’s voice instructing you all to get out and walk on foot to the base in Sector 1 with your designated members and routes. You bumped fists with Major Choi before securing each other’s helmets, getting off the car and following the familiar barren road to the outskirts of the town, careful to avoid eyes but glad it was very hazy today.

The two of you walked in sync until you reached the abandoned hospital which was your station. You took the lead, he provided cover and you entered the building, inspecting it thoroughly as you made way to the 4th floor and took out the binoculars to monitor any sort of activity and help Sergeant Kim’s team get to the heart of the city. A few hours passed like that, mostly in silence, occasional comments or instructions passed through the radio, and you almost, almost relaxed until a loud blast shook you to the core, making you both instinctively duck down and cover each other, trying not to lose your footing as the ground beneath your feet rumbled.

A whistle rang in your ear and you took a few deep breaths- it wasn’t the first time you experienced a blast up close but it always made your heart sink in the worst possible way. You felt Major Choi squeezing your shoulder- you were alright. He was alright. You motioned okay at him and he peeked up from the window to inspect the damage and you followed after a moment. The six-story building that had been two streets away from you was now turning into rubble. 

“That is Squad 6’s station,” you said. “Squad 7 might have been in there. We should move.”

Major Choi nodded and spoke on his radio. “Alpha- you heard that?”

“Loud and clear,” Sergeant Kim’s voice sounded grim. “Do not move right now. You’re the closest- you might meet trouble on the way. Wait for my instruction.”

“Copy that,” he replied and you both decided to move up another floor and see if you could spot the enemy somewhere. You did- a couple of men in cloaks leaving from the West Exit and you alerted Team 3 who went to inspect as per your instructions.

“We have about 20 minutes until it gets dark, and then you can inspect the damage to Squad 6’s station while on your way to the enemy’s base,” Sergeant Kim ordered. “We have retrieved two of Squad 7’s members. Team 3?”

“We have retrieved three of Squad 6’s members,” Major CJ reported. “That leaves one member from each team- Squad 6 here says they were last seen near the enemy base.”

“Team 2 will take care of it then,” the Sergeant concluded. “Meet me at the North Exit, Victor and Fox. We’ll take care of the enemy there.”

“Copy that,” the rest of you reported and you prayed silently that everyone would make it back alive. Meanwhile, Major Choi offered you a sandwich from his bag and you ate it while you kept watch, thankful that your station still hadn’t been exposed to the enemy.

As soon as the sun set, you put on your night vision goggles and started following Major Choi out, hands gripping the rifle. You both trod like cats- silent and alert. You reached the rubble of what was once Squad 6’s base in a few minutes and searched for any signs of life but found none. 

“They must be around the enemy base somewhere then,” you said. “Let’s follow their last location.”

Your partner agreed and you both walked in silence yet again, hiding behind walls and rubble until you could spot the enemy base in your vision, noticing a few men walking around it, probably on guard duty. 

“What if they’re held hostage?” You asked.

“Our mission is to extract them wherever they are,” Major Choi reminded. “We can request backup.”

“Let’s inspect the area first and then create a distraction before we move inside,” you suggested and he agreed.

All your senses felt heightened as you parted ways- mostly because you felt a bit defenceless that he wasn’t providing cover like he usually did. All you could think about was remaining alert and not missing anything, and you counted seconds until you spotted the Major again and joined him, containing in your sigh of relief because the mission wasn’t over yet.

“Request backup?” You asked.

“I’ll ask them to meet us right here after we’re done extracting the agents,” he said and you nodded, watching him speak into his radio while you tightened your gloves, buzzing with eagerness to get this mission done and over with. The two of you went through interconnected buildings and doorways until you stood outside a door in the basement of one of the buildings that connected inside the enemy base- some path they probably hadn’t learned about, if you were lucky, since they had quite recently changed bases. You were about to break the door when the Major grabbed your wrist-

Quite gently, you noticed.

“If things go south, you know what to do, right?”

You scoffed. “Who are we kidding, Major? We were never ones to obey orders- at least not from each other.”

Major Choi groaned loudly, almost in amusement. “If things go south, you will call for an immediate backup request, not wait for me and make your way out, is that clear?”

You did not like being talked to in that tone so you snatched your wrist and poked his chest with your gloved finger. “The last time I told you this… don’t even get me started.”

You both stared at each other, none of you giving in, his eyes locked on yours- the only thing you could see with the masks and the helmets. Your finger was still poking into his chest and he finally sighed, taking your hand in his and drawing it away. You swallowed the lump in your throat and shook your head. “If things look bleak, let’s not make them worse, okay?”

“Okay,” his voice was laced with amusement and you glared at him.

“I won’t be surprised if we have to change partners soon.”

“I won’t let them,” Major Choi promised. “You’re the only one I trust.”

“What did I tell you about not being sentimental during missions?” You broke the door, grimacing at the loud sounds that rang through the basement. “Let’s move, Charlie.”

“Got you, Echo,” he patted your back and you both stepped into the darkness, wearing your goggles again.

Every sound from that point on caught your attention. You could hear the Major’s breathing so you trained your ears to ignore it and focus on the other sounds. You walked along the path that only got narrower with each step and waited a few moments at the door which was the entrance inside the enemy base, letting the Major do his thing and check for any signs of life with his equipment.

“Empty room,” he whispered. “Go.”

You nodded and began unlocking the door with a set of pins, humming when it clicked in place and you opened the door- or tried to, since it was blocked. Major Choi helped you push it until the gap was big enough for you two to pass through and you carefully stepped inside.

“You remember the layout?” You asked and he nodded. “This must be the only storage room in the basement. Where do you reckon they would keep their hostages?”

“In the basement… in the cells. If not, they’ve defected.”

“Unless-”

“Unless that’s their strategy,” he completed and you nodded, glad your partner was one to follow his instinct and heart instead of the book, which if you were honest simply did not have a few principles right. “Let’s inspect the cells first.”

“You ready?”

Major Choi mirrored your motions- adjusting his guns and fixing the daggers in his sleeves. “Let’s get the party started.”

After that, it was a flash of blood and screams as you both exited the storage room, exterminating any enemy in sight until you reached the cells and found one of your agents inside, a bloody mess himself. You broke his chains and asked his name and when he said his codename ‘Bravo’, you were glad he was in his senses.

“Where’s Agent Oscar?” You asked and he shook his head.

“They might have taken him for questioning- I heard the guards talk.”

You clenched your jaw- this was going to get messier then, especially with the Major already firing at the incoming stream of enemy guards. “You can walk?”

“Yes,” he said and you accompanied him to the storage room, the Major providing cover. You instructed Agent Bravo to follow the path to the exit where backup would arrive in a few minutes, handed him a loaded gun and secured the door after him. You joined the Major who had just finished with a fresh wave of guards.

“They’re onto us. Let’s make it quick. I’ll shell them.”

You nodded and you took the lead this time, taking the stairs and firing at anyone who was unfortunate enough to get in your way and you made your way up another flight after inspecting the rooms on the ground level. Thankfully, you and Major Choi only had minor scratches and grazes right now- nothing that kept you from moving forward.

You took a sharp turn but got pulled back as a bullet passed, missing you by a fraction. You spared a glance at Major Choi who gave you a warning look and you heard what he meant loud and clear- ‘be careful’. Before you could continue, he took the lead and you provided cover, letting him guide you both to the end of the hallway where he turned-

And found himself faced with 5 guns pointed at his head. You were outnumbered.

You paused as well, a couple of guards aiming their own gun at you from the other end. You clicked your tongue twice and your partner understood, raising his hands in surrender and you followed suit- but what the enemy did not know was that you had learned a few magic tricks when you were little. You never thought you’d use them in the military, but here you were, a grenade rolling down the hallway out of nowhere and you clicked your fingers.

Three.

The guards shouted and you rolled another grenade with a tap of your feet, the others wondering where the hell it appeared from when your own hands had been raised as long as the Major’s. 

Two.

Major Choi watched one of the guards point his guns at Agent Oscar who said a silent prayer as he looked up at the ceiling. 

One.

You smirked to yourself, clicking your tongue again. The guards in front of you took cover while the ones in the room shouted at each other, trying to come up with an escape plan now that the grenade was right at their feet but failing.

Zero.

You and Major Choi switched positions in a flash and while he covered you with his body, you shot at the 5 men in a series while the grenade behind you burst. Unfortunately, one of them managed to shoot at you and the bullet landed in your calf though your reaction only lasted a few seconds. You felt the Major’s body shake against yours as rubble fell on the two of you. You ignored the pain burning though your entire body and glanced up, sighing in relief when you saw that Oscar was fine.

“We’re exiting from the window,” Major Choi got up and started planting the hook to the wall and dropped the rope down the building, groaning when he spotted movement outside the building too. He aimed at them with his rifle and got rid of them while you took care of any approaching guards, finding a few moments of peace.

“We’re sliding down first- he can’t walk properly,” Major Choi had noticed Oscar’s mutilated leg. “You’ll follow after I give the signal, okay?”

“Okay,” you breathed heavily.

“You good?” He scanned you, noticing the blood dripping down. You nodded but he made quick work of pulling a piece of cloth from his bag and tying it around your leg, securing the bullet inside, the pain dimming since it wouldn’t jab with every movement you made now. Oscar stood watch in the meanwhile, inquiring about the rest of his squad and you told him they were extracted, which made his eyes fill with life again.

“Let’s move,” Major Choi called Oscar and you went back to covering for them while they escaped through the window. You sighed in relief when your radio sounded to alert you that they had made it to the ground safely but the relief didn’t last long as a bunch of guards came in your vision and you hid.

“Come down, now,” Major Choi called and you took a deep breath, knowing you would have to jump a good distance since you didn’t have enough time to simply slide down the rope all the way down. As if Major Choi had read your thoughts, he was there to cushion your jump and the three of you disappeared inside the alleyway, trying to navigate back to the spot where backup would be waiting. 

However, luck was not on your side tonight. One moment you were jogging to the building in front of you and the next, the three of you were thrown into the air, the bright fire blinding you momentarily despite your protective goggles. For a few seconds, all you did was stare at the sky, wondering if you had died or if the sky was simply so cloudy that not a single star could be seen. It wasn’t until you heard a familiar groan that you came back to your senses and crawled towards your partner.

“San- Are you okay?” You managed to ask- he seemed to have hit his head somewhere, blood trickling down his forehead.

“I’m good,” he exhaled. “Oscar?”

Oscar didn’t respond and you panicked, crawling desperately towards the limp figure and found his pulse growing fainter. You began dragging him with Major Choi to the nearest cover- a big chunk of cement and you stopped, out of breath. You took off your mask and checked your radio but it had broken. You muttered a series of curses, throwing your helmet away in anger while you planned your escape.

“Take Oscar with you to the basement- backup will be waiting,” you hoisted yourself up so you could lean against the rock. “I’ll join you.”

Major Choi narrowed his eyes, taking off his own mask. “You can’t walk, can you?”

“I don’t think I can right now, but I’ll be fine- I’ll be following close, I just need to catch my breath,” you coughed, mouth very dry. “Go, now. I can hide.”

“I’ll come back for you-”

“Don’t you dare,” you seethed. “It’s already been a bad day. Just take Oscar to the backup and wait for me there- do not send anyone else.”

“I won’t leave you in this state,” Major Choi announced- a plain and simple statement.

“Just go,” you begged. “Our mission won’t be complete until we deliver Oscar back. I’ll be fine- no one will come and check in here for a while. I’ll hide elsewhere.”

Major Choi looked conflicted, glancing back and forth between you and Oscar until you nudged his thigh with your boot. He crawled towards you, throwing off his helmet and your hand instinctively went to inspect his injury, sighing internally when you found it wasn’t as bad as you thought. 

What surprised you was him locking his forehead with yours as he said, “I promise I’ll be back.”

Before you could respond in any way, he had drawn back and was dragging Oscar, navigating through the rubble and meeting your eyes, pointing towards north. You understood and made a note to yourself to kill him if you made it out of here alive tonight. For now, you were going to hide in the rubble and watch them until they were out of sight. As soon as they were out of your vision, you relaxed and sat back down-

And heard the most horrible sound of gunshots in the direction Major Choi had gone- so horrible that your entire being shook. You immediately stood up and took out your binoculars to try and see if you could spot them but it was no use. 

You sat back down, looking up at the dark sky- where had it all gone wrong? It was like they were prepared, like they knew you were coming. Was there a rat in your base? Or was it obvious that the Special Forces never left their agents in the enemy’s hands? Were they expecting you because they knew you so well now?

You were glad it was so dark that the tears in your eyes didn’t blur your vision- there wasn’t anything to see anyway so you blindly started crawling towards north, staying as low as possible- you weren’t sure you could walk without limping now anyway. You went from hiding behind one chunk of rubble to another, checking your watch and knowing you didn’t have much time until someone would come to check if you made it out alive. 

After crawling endlessly, you checked your watch- it took you about forty minutes to simply reach the end of the destruction the blast had caused. You hid under a rock yet again, out of breath and with trembling hands you took out your bottle from the bag and drank a few sips, storing the rest for later in case you needed it. You could see your surroundings now thanks to the faint glow of streetlights in the distance and wondered if you should inspect your wound- Major Choi had done a good job of binding it. You decided to let it be and rest for a few minutes before moving forwards.

Forwards. For how long? You were already feeling groggy. Your eyes were twitching and you weren’t sure if you could remain awake if you weren’t moving.

So you decided to move. You prayed Major Choi would come back for you and disobey every order because only then you could know he was alive. For once, you wanted him to come back, because if he died-

You heard footsteps and you aimed your gun at the source, seeing the silhouette of someone walk, almost limp in your direction- the walk looked strangely familiar-

You lowered your gun when the outlines of his body became visible- it was Major Choi. He was alive-

“I searched for you everywhere,” Major Choi whispered harshly as he crouched down and a whimper escaped your mouth as he crushed you in a hug. “I thought I lost you, y/n.”

You shivered due to a number of reasons- he hadn’t called you by your name in a very, very long time. The last time he did was to wake you up when you both had been hostages together and even that had been years ago. The last time he hugged you was a memory you had almost forgotten too-

Not forgotten. Pushed in the deepest part of your memory so it wouldn’t come to you at unexpected times.

You were amazed by how awake you felt now that his arms were around you, his hand in your hair keeping your face tucked in the crook of his neck. You sighed deeply, your uneven breaths synchronising. You tugged at his shirt and perhaps, it was a wrong move. Perhaps he was suddenly aware of the position you were in because he pulled back-

You didn’t want him to pull back.

“I-” you cleared your throat. “I heard the gunshots- are you okay? Where’s Oscar?” You heard him suck in his breath when your hand touched his arm as you were drawing back and you touched the spot again, finding it wet and sticky-

Blood.

“What happened?”

“They must have spotted us- they fired. The first one hit Oscar in the head. I’m sorry-”

“But you’re okay?” You asked. “Only this?”

“Yeah, but we lost Oscar-” his voice shook and you put your hands on his.

“It’s okay,” you assured him. “Oscar might not have made it anyway- his pulse was very faint after the blast. You’re okay- god, I thought they got you, San, I really thought they did-”

You felt his body language shift after you called his name and you wondered just how much you both missed normal physical contact, normal human interactions since only the sound of your names on each other’s lips was making you react- perhaps even more than the casual displays of affection. You shook your head, willing yourself to focus. “What do we do?”

“Our retreat spot is compromised,” Major Choi said, “I think we should head to safety first before we come up with a plan or try to revive your radio. Mine got lost.”

“Okay,” you breathed. “Where to?”

“North, I think,” he sighed. “We mentioned north quite a few times today to the squad. They should get the hint and find us there.”

“They should,” you agreed and he got up. You followed but stumbled on your feet and he caught your arm right on time. 

“Can you walk?”

“Let me try,” you said, looking around before taking a step and biting your lips so harshly it almost drew blood- the pain in your leg was burning you at this point. “I think I’ll be fine… after a few steps.”

“You don’t look fine… Major.”

You glared at him, taking another step and this time unable to control the hiss of pain. He tsk-ed. “Get on my back- it’ll save us time.”

“I’m sorry but you’re not in the best shape either,” you pointed out. “And there’s no way I’m getting on your back-”

“Major, now is not the time for the little game we play of who makes it out in better shape,” he took a step forward and you instinctively took one back, making him groan. “Get on my back- don’t make me carry you like a princess.”

“Fine,” you gave up, “You better run then. There’s no way they wouldn’t spot us.”

With that, you hopped on his back and he hooked his arms under your legs. Silently, he carried you all the way towards the north, never stopping to catch his breath though you could see he was struggling- after all, he was tired too. When you could see the North Exit gate, you motioned for him to go to find someplace to hide- there would surely be enemy prowling here after Team 1’s successful mission. So the Major finally slowed down and turned in an alley and you helped yourself down.

“I don’t think we should risk going inside one of these,” he said, glancing at the abandoned structures of what had to be houses or shops once. “We should wait until sunrise before we try something. Let’s hide somewhere- come on.”

He took your hand and you both trod silently, sticking to the walls until you found a spot where it looked like whoever cared had collected rubble there to keep the rest of the city clean. A shed roof lay on the floor, twisted, and you pointed towards it. San helped you walk towards it and you finally collapsed on the ground under it, stifling a groan. Now that you allowed yourself to relax, the weariness was catching up and making your head spin.

Major Choi didn’t miss it- he immediately dug into his bag and handed you his bottle and two of the sandwiches he still had left. You asked him to conserve the water, glad you had your own bottle and took the sandwich, though the overwhelmingness of everything was making you nauseous.

“Can I inspect your wound?” Major Choi asked. You shook your head. 

“I don’t think I can be quiet if you try to extract the bullet- I think… I think I’ve lost a lot of blood,” you gulped, patting your trousers and finding them wet. “I shouldn’t sleep tonight.”

“I’ll make sure you don’t,” he took a deep breath and you could see the worry on his face even in the very faint light. “Someone should find us in the morning.”

“You’re okay, aren’t you? Anything odd you’re feeling?”

“Just the dull pain now,” he admitted. 

“You shouldn’t have come back, Major,” you chuckled, finishing the sandwich and urging him to eat his. He shook his head, offering it to you and you grabbed it only to stuff it in his mouth, making him chuckle. “You should have stayed behind. I would have been fine- someone would have come in the morning.”

“You know me,” He finished the sandwich in two bites, drinking a sip of water. “I don’t like making it back alone.”

You clicked your tongue in disappointment. “It’s a wonder they haven’t fired you yet. It really is.”

“I could say the same for you,” he raised a brow, shifting so he could sit beside you, back resting against the shed roof. “You’re not any different from me.”

You didn’t answer, recalling the old times. For a few moments, you were both silent and then the Major tapped your thigh and you hummed to tell him you were still awake.

“Don’t fall asleep- keep talking,” he ordered and you sighed. 

“You’re better at talking. I’m better at listening.”

“Just keep talking, for heaven’s sake,” he shifted to be closer to you so your shoulders were touching now. “Don’t say anything out loud- only whisper so you don’t get thirsty.”

“Okay,” you coughed a little, clenching your eyes shut when you felt a fresh wave of pain consume you. You felt the Major’s bare hands snake in yours and you smiled faintly.

“You shouldn’t have joined the mission today. Things could have been very different.”

“We’ll talk about that when we get back,” he dismissed. “Tell me what you want to do when you get back.”

“Sleep,” you laughed a little and he grinned. “What’s the time?”

“Almost midnight.”

“Damn it,” you sighed deeply. “I don’t think I’ll make it-”

“No,” he squeezed your hand. “I’m with you. I’m not letting anything happen to you. I won’t lose you- not like this.”

“Whatever,” you shrugged though you had to admit you were pleased to hear it. “Wait- isn’t that what I said when we were held hostages in Eden?”

“You remember?” He asked. You two hadn’t talked about the events of those three very, very long nights you had spent as hostages in Eden’s territory. “I thought you deleted that memory or something- you never addressed it again.”

“It’s not a good memory,” you said.

“True… but some of my favourite memories are from those days,” he began. “I made it out alive solely because you refused to let me die.”

“Is that why you’re doing the same right now?” You asked.

“Maybe,” he said and you looked at your interlocked hands. “Maybe I like us as a team and don’t want to lose you. Maybe I like you even as a friend- after all, we’ve been together for so long, haven’t we?”

“Back when we were still a boy and a girl,” you recalled. “What happened to us… San?”

There it was. The unintentional squeeze of his hand. You glanced at him and he met your eyes.

“Do you like it when I call you by your name?”

“Don’t you, y/n?”

Something like butterflies in your stomach as his deep voice sounded made you suck in a breath. “Well then… should I call you San? At least for tonight? Just like the old times?”

“Just like the old times,” he smiled, looking ahead. “How did we get here?”

“We refused to let each other go because we were rivals back then, of sorts… I’d say we still are- but we’re better as a team than rivals, aren’t we?” You said and San agreed. “It would just be even better if you stopped being an ass to me in routine.”

“It’s because I love to see you all riled up,” he said, body shaking with laughter. “It’s so easy to rile you up.”

You yawned big and wide and San waited until you were done. “You with me?”

“I am,” you told him. “Tell me then- do you do it on purpose? Only let me treat your wounds? I’m not your personal nurse, you know.”

“You know my reason,” San muttered. “Otherwise you would have downright refused. You know, don’t you?”

“Because you don’t like to show your scars to anyone… And because I’ve seen every scar on your body since the beginning, haven’t I?”

“You’re the only one who looks without judgement,” he admitted. “You know I wasn’t always the best.”

“Look at you now!” you said dramatically. “The best of the best.”

“We are, as a team,” San pointed out. “You remember how bad we are when partnered with other members.”

“Ah, right,” you giggled and San looked at you in horror. “We don’t really coordinate with others, do we?”

“What is that sound you just produced,” San scoffed. “I wonder what other sounds you make, Major.”

“You want to find out?”

San looked away- how come you both had switched roles now? “Looks like the blood loss is really getting to your head now.”

“It is,” you admitted, sinking down a bit and resting your head on your partner’s shoulder, feeling him freeze for just a moment before he relaxed. “I don’t think I should talk anymore.”

“I’ll keep you awake with pain if I have to,” he promised and you grimaced- you had done the same to him once too. No doubt he would return the favour. “If I see you getting groggy, I’m going to press on the wound, you hear me?”

You almost cried- the pain was already too much, but you knew he was right. “Why are you being like this?”

“I would do this for anyone- I cannot let you die on my watch,” he announced. “Which reminds me- give me your radio.”

“Oh, right. Are you sure I’m not the only one suffering from blood loss?” You said which he ignored, crossing his legs as he started inspecting the radio remains. You lit your watch to provide him with better light and watched him twist wires and cut them with his teeth, attempting to revive it-

For a very small moment, the sound of static came through and you both almost rejoiced until it died down. You asked San to do whatever he just did again and he did but it wasn’t any use now. The radio was dead. 

You both slumped back to your original positions and this time you were the one who found San’s hand and squeezed it in assurance. “It’s okay. You’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be fine,” he sighed. “Stop considering yourself dead already. If you survived that moment when we were surrounded by seven guards earlier, you can survive the night too. Good work there, by the way.”

You grinned. “How did you know what I was planning? I was half worried you’d misunderstand the signal and get us all killed.”

“Oh please, when have I ever made that mistake?”

“Are we forgetting that one time when I was waving at you from a distance and you thought I was saying hi-” you paused when San chuckled.

“You were saying ‘get the hell away’, I know,” he shook his head. “I was just curious why.”

“You keep telling yourself that. The fact is, you made a mistake which got us both grounded for two weeks.”

“Yet here we are,” he scoffed. “Still a team. The best of the best.”

“Are we?” You thought out loud. “When we’re always at death’s door?”

“Well, let’s see,” San took a deep breath. “9 out of 10 missions are successful- that’s a pretty high rating for someone in Special Forces, don’t you think? And even if we’re compromised, we’ve never lost data. Even now, I retrieved the chip from Oscar,” he patted his pocket and you looked proud. “We just have to make it back alive now, so hang in there, alright?”

You were silent for a few moments, focusing on San absently caressing your hand and glancing at you a few times to make sure you were awake. You checked the time- there were still about 3 hours until sunrise.

San grunted in pain and you opened your eyes, realising you had almost dozed off. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said but you noticed his eyes twitching. 

“How bad did you hit your head back then, Major Choi San?”

He rolled his eyes but you could tell it had to be something related to his head injury because his other injuries were minor. “I’m fine.”

“Can I see it? Properly?”

“I said I’m fine.”

And that’s how you knew he wasn’t. You shifted, ignoring the pain exploding through your leg as you put your injured leg over the Major’s to get half on top of him and access the other side of his head- the one you had noticed he kept away from your vision. San grabbed your wrists in an attempt to stop you but you glared at him, tski-ing in warning and he gave up, letting you inspect it.

It looked like a normal gash and it had stopped bleeding, so maybe it was a concussion. You sighed. “Are you feeling nauseous? Dizzy?”

“A little,” he admitted.

You pouted, going back to sitting next to him. “Looks like I’ll be the one keeping you awake for the night.”

He laughed to himself and you joined. “You’re making it sound like it's an awful task.”

“It is,” you rubbed your face. “Let’s not fall asleep, Choi San. Your turn to tell me what you would like to do when you go back.”

“Sleep,” he laughed and you poked his thigh. “Okay, I’d like to get a few days off. Should I get you some days off too?”

“What will we even do in our free time?” 

“We could go somewhere,” he looked at you. “Remember Sector 6?”

You didn’t expect him to bring up Sector 6. It was the one time you both almost crossed boundaries with each other- your squad had gotten a few days off and all of you decided to spend those days like ‘normal people’ in the ‘normal’ sector- the one known for its lively atmosphere. The town that never sleeps, it was called. Somehow, you and San strayed away from the rest of the team and had a night you would try to forget for the next few years, the one you were still trying to forget-

It wasn’t even anything much. You two had drank and danced in a club. You two had joked about getting hooked up except you two couldn’t stay away from each other even when you tried. Whenever you looked at someone, San would make some comment about what type of a person they were. You were ashamed to admit you did the same to him too- so you two only danced with each other- 

Only looked at each other. 

Something had changed after that. You couldn’t shake off the ghost of his hands on your waist, on your shoulders, a comfortable weight. You called each other by your names and it almost felt like you two were only civilians, friends who were flirting with each other. At one point, he had hugged you and told you that you were the best thing that happened to him, though you were pretty sure he forgot all about that the next day, since he claimed he remembered nothing- he wasn’t good with his drinks, so you believed him.

Until he brought it up again, now.

“Sector 6?” You scoffed. “Why would you want to go there again?”

“Do I really need a reason to relive that again?”

So cryptic. You tried to make sense of his words but you couldn’t.

“Well, if we live through tonight, might think about it then,” you said, trying not to recall the things you had said to San that night. Things you wished he really had forgotten. 

“Do you think we’ll live to see the sunrise?”

You glanced at San. He looked weary- perhaps, he really did need a break. You rarely ever saw him look weary. You did not like him with such low spirits. You only squeezed his hand and let the silence fall- you were both too tired to continue talking anyway, so you both resorted to tapping out morse code. It was nostalgic to talk that way, though all you were tapping was curses and ‘awake?’, it made you reminisce about your time together as agents. You supposed you would let the memories flash by- after all, you might really not live to see the sunrise. 

The two hours following had to be the longest of your life. Your fingers were tired from tapping to each other, but at least that meant you were alive. You would occasionally drink a sip of water or shake each other. Sometimes you would recall a funny memory and share a brief laugh. But by the end of it, you were both so groggy that you had to press into San’s now ripped stitches to make him wake up, earning a groan that was too loud for your liking. You also made him press on your wound and you cried this time. The pain was nowhere near dull.

You didn’t notice the sky getting lighter until the rays of sun hit your face and you looked at San who was almost dozing off. You shook him.

“Hey. We lived to see the sunrise.”

San opened his eyes, blinking a few times and you watched the sun cast shadows on the sharp angles of his face. His brown eyes looked warm as he smiled.

“We really did live to see the sunrise…”

You smiled, squeezing his hand. All you two had to do now was wait for a signal- there was this new kernel of hope in your heart that you would make it out alive now- even if backup never comes, you two would make it out alive somehow-

“I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you too.”

You stopped in the middle of shuffling through your bag, not having the strength to meet his eyes- you recognised this tone of his voice so well you knew how he would be looking at you anyway. However, you couldn’t help the smile creeping up on your face and you took out your medical kit, finally having enough light and the newfound energy to do something about San’s wounds at least. 

“That’s… not something you should be saying to me. You do not wish to see the rest of your sunrises with your partner in Special Forces, Major.”

“And if I do?”

You finally looked at him, narrowing your eyes. “I think I should have done something about your wounds earlier. You’re in a worse state than I am, and I am the one who got hit by a goddamn bullet.”

San chuckled, unbuttoning his shirt and letting you take care of his stitches- he knew you were doing it not because it was necessary but because you would have something to focus on. Perhaps you were dizzy for a different reason now, in which case…

“You think I don’t mean it?”

“Major Choi San,” you warned-

“Look at me, y/n,” he called and you sighed deeply, finishing cleaning his wound and then meeting his eyes, your heart sinking at the way he was gazing at you. “You know I don’t lie. You know that. Everything that I say… I mean it. I really, really do wish we’ll be together for a long time.”

“You like working as a team that much?” You tried joking but he shook his head, his hand finding yours and snaking up to caress your wrist. You gulped, finally looking at him and the two of you just stared at each other for a few moments.

“Whatever’s going on in your head… don’t say it. Not now.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think I’ll be able to make logical decisions right now,” you muttered, taking your hand away from him with immense willpower. 

If you expected San’s spirits to lower, he was smirking too hard for that right now. “So that means there is something, isn’t it? How long are we going to pretend we don’t like each other like that?”

“San-”

You heard the familiar sound of a high pitched frequency and turned towards the source, San getting up immediately and taking a look around, spotting a black flag raised in the air- backup.

“Finally,” you groaned in relief. “Help me up.”

“Finish your thoughts first,” San hovered over you and you rolled your eyes, knowing there was no way out of this.

“God, you’re insufferable,” you laughed, raising your hand and he helped you up, purposely pulling you to him so you bumped into his chest and you smacked it. “I think you’re the most annoying person in my life, but I like you anyway.”

“Perhaps you’re right- must be the blood loss speaking,” he couldn’t believe his ears. Normally, you would have pointed your gun at him and threatened to blow his brains out if he ever said something like that. “Let’s talk about it when we get back. For now… thank you for being alive, y/n.”

“Thank you for coming back for me too, San,” you felt way too emotional all of a sudden. “I really thought something happened to you when I heard the gunshots- I just… thank you.”

The Major brought a hand to your face and caressed it as if it was something he did every other day. He planted a lingering kiss to your forehead and you bit the inside of your cheek to contain the sigh that threatened to leave your mouth. He simply smiled when he met your eyes as he drew back and motioned for you to follow him.

—---------------------

Your team leader allowed you to rest first before he came to check on you both in the evening, looking scarier than ever, especially having caught you both with ‘stupid snacks’ like he used to refer to them, giggling like kids with the rest of your team.

“Major Choi and Major Seo,” he called and your grins fell. Major Yu attempted to hide the lollies but was interrupted by Major Kang, who had tried doing the same which just made them roll dramatically on the floor until they hit the Sergeant’s boot. His frown got deeper especially when Major CJ chuckled out loud and Major Han slapped his arm to shut him up.

“The two of you-” he began, taking a deep breath. “How the hell did you make it back alive this time? I think I'd better like you dead now.”

Major Kang snorted. San cleared his throat. “Major Seo kept me alive!”

“Major Choi kept me alive!” You responded and he groaned.

“I don’t care who kept whom alive- you need to present a full report to me right now. There’s something I need to check. The rest of you- out.”

The team left with a series of grunts and more than one ‘boomer’ thrown at the Sergeant which earned them a threatening (but playful) raise of fist in the air. You began narrating the events, San filling in the gaps occasionally. The Sergeant nodded along until you told him about being cornered by the guards when you found Oscar.

“Did you perhaps recognise any of those guards?”

“They were all wearing masks,” San looked at you and you nodded. “I noticed one of them had a tattoo on his wrist.”

“What kind of a tattoo? Do you think you can recognise it if I show you some pictures?” Sergeant Kim asked and Major Choi said he would try. You continued to narrate the rest of the story and San mentioned the chip he had handed in earlier when they arrived. 

“It’s a shame we lost Oscar, but good job staying alive and completing the mission- both of you,” Sergeant Kim acknowledged and you both relaxed in relief. “There is a reason I send you both in the heart of the operation most of the time- it’s because I trust you both. It’s not that I do not trust the others, but the three of us have worked together for the longest- and we were once a team, after all- back when I was still Major Kim,” he smiled and your heart warmed- the Sergeant wasn’t much older than you both and the three of you had been a trio back in your early days- though you both always called him your captain anyway. It’s like he was meant to lead. 

“I trust you both to complete the mission no matter what, and I trust you both to make it out alive each time- even if it takes days,” he continued. “For a while, I’ve been suspecting there’s a rat around us. I don’t know which squad or who, but the past few days have been a sign enough that we’ve been betrayed- especially since they captured so many of our agents. I want you both to stay alert and wary of everyone- even the ones in your squad,” he sounded disappointed. “I know you trust your squad but you both almost died today, and I cannot help but be worried.”

You watched the Sergeant sigh deeply. “Is there anyone you suspect?”

“Not at the moment, at least not from our squad,” he admitted. “Or maybe it’s because I’m making a mistake of trusting them. Perhaps I’m making a mistake in letting you both know too. Maybe the rat is one of you.”

“Yeah, it could totally be me,” you began, scoffing. “I asked to be shot so I could pretend to die and do what?”

“Or it could be me,” Major Choi chuckled. “I went back to finish Major Seo but ended up using my last shreds of humanity to save her instead. Should have killed her when I had the chance-”

“I’m only saying!” Sergeant Kim laughed this time but you weren’t having it. 

“You know what- maybe he’s the rat,” you looked at the Sergeant and San agreed. “He usually makes it out unscathed. Wonder what that means.”

“You both know there’s a reason why I rank higher than you both,” he scoffed. “With the amount of times you get hurt, I should lower your ranks-”

“Sergeant, we’re just joking. I trust you both. I really do. And I trust my squad too, but I’ll keep my guard up anyway.”

He nodded. “Take some rest, you both. Once you’re back, I have another task for the two of you- until then, I’ll take care of it.”

“What’s it about?” San asked but the Sergeant waved his hand and left. You pursed your lips.

“I knew it wasn’t simply bad luck- there must be someone who reports our activity to Eden.”

“And we can’t even narrow it down since there were four Squads involved in this mission,” San shook his head. “Do you think Sergeant Kim will be sending us on a false mission again?”

“I hope not,” you sighed, glancing at your bandaged leg, thankful the bullet hadn’t done much damage. “I need… a break.”

San laughed at that. “When are you scheduled to get some days off?”

“In two months, I think,” you tried to recall the exact date. 

“That’s too far away. If we can’t have a break right now… we could at least get some drinks together?”

“You can’t even hold your liquor, Major,” you muttered and he glared at you. You shrugged, “I’m not taking care of you if you get drunk again. Last time was enough.”

“What did I do last time?”

“See? You don’t even remember,” you muttered, looking away. Last time, and the time before, and every time San got drunk… he was a mess- especially with you, and you weren’t sure if he realised it yet. “We could just go to town to get dinner. No drinks.”

“Come on, we haven’t let loose in a while-”

“Did someone say drinks?” Major CJ entered and you muttered ‘oh no’.

Because the next night, you heard a knock on your room around 10pm and you opened the door to see Major Han grinning widely.

“How’s your leg healing up?”

“Pretty well, actually,” you told her. “What’s got you so giddy?”

“We’re having drinks in Major CJ’s room,” she winked. “Even Sergeant Kim is there.”

“Oh, you better go then,” you winked back. “I think I’ll stay.”

“Oh no, you won’t,” she grabbed your hand and pulled you, making you squeal. “Sergeant Kim ordered me to bring you there.”

“No way he did,” you muttered. “Let me change?”

“Oh, you look fine,” she said, scanning your black tank top and shorts. “Absolutely ravishing.”

“Let me get a jacket, at least,” you laughed and she finally let go of you with a grin. You grabbed your uniform jacket and followed Major Han to the men’s dorm which was opposite yours, going in the direction of where all the noise was coming from-

It was a mess. Not just your squad- even some from Squad 6 were present. As soon as the Sergeant spotted you, he smirked. 

“Oh no. I’m going back-”

“No, you’re not,” Sergeant Kim got up and you attempted to leave but he grabbed your wrist and everyone else laughed.

“I’m here because I’m keeping an eye out for odd behaviour,” he whispered and you scoffed.

“You’re already almost drunk. I don’t think you can ‘keep an eye out’ for much longer…” you faltered when he glared at you- “... Sergeant.”

“I need you here too- you’re good at detecting odd behaviour,” he dragged you back towards the table and you sat between him and Major Kang. “Just like old times.”

“Just like old times,” you raised the drink he poured you, clicking with the rest on the table, Major San across from you, a flush already creeping up on his neck. “Just how long have you all been drinking?”

“It was going to be just us, but Sergeant Kim decided to join,” Major Kang began. “And then he called Major Yu- they’re boomer drinking buddies so they cannot even drink without each other.”

“I’m not a boomer…” Major Yu drawled. “I am the life of the party.”

You and Major Kang ignored her and you got into a discussion about who was the best drinker in the room- it was definitely Major CJ who Major Kang said had been drinking for an hour now but still looked fresh. You two began ranking the people in the room, occasionally passing a comment, purposely ignoring San’s watchful eyes on you.

“I think the worst has to be San,” you tsk-ed. “Look at him.”

Major Kang raised a brow at the way you addressed him- he had never heard you two call each other by your first names. In fact, all of you always referred to the other formally. 

“I think you must be pretty down on the ranking too if you’re calling him ‘San’,” Major Kang commented and you stared at him in confusion until it sank in. However, you could redeem yourself.

“I don’t think a Major looks like that,” you pointed at the very flushed, almost drowsy and very giggly Choi San and Major Kang almost choked on his drink as he laughed. San seemed to have noticed that and wasn’t having any of it now- he got up and went around the table to push Sergeant Kim away from you so he could sit with you.

“I bet he didn’t ask you to keep an eye out for something odd,” you scoffed. “You can’t even look after yourself right now.”

“I am a fully conscious individual right now,” he began and you shared a grin with Major Kang who was watching you two. “I may look red but I’m crystal clear inside.”

“Yeah? How many fingers do you see?” Major Kang raised three fingers.

“I’m not blind. Two.”

You hadn’t laughed this hard in such a long time that you had to put your head down, feeling dizzy for a moment. Major Kang was laughing just as hard, clapping along and you looked up to see San smiling at you.

“I know it’s three. I just wanted to make you laugh.”

“Ohh,” Major Kang looked between you two. “You can’t tell me something hasn’t changed between you two now, Major Seo.”

“He’s drunk,” you shook your head. “Everything that comes out of his mouth from this point on is nonsense.”

Thus started an argument between the three of you and halfway through it, you shut your eyes and tuned out the men on either side of you now in a heated discussion about something else entirely. You opened your eyes, wanting to rest your folded arms on the table but San was taking all the space. San, and his stupid muscular arms looking spectacular in his stupid white tank top-

Yes. You were definitely tipsy now. 

You definitely were, because for quite a while you simply watched the man crowding your personal space talk. You smiled at his little habits of blinking too many times when he felt dizzy or cracking his neck to shrug off the sleep. You itched to inquire about his healing progress- for all the times you complained about being his personal nurse, you sure were worried now. You licked your suddenly dry lips when he spared you a glance.

“You okay?”

“Move, you’re taking too much space,” you muttered, pushing his arm away with your elbow and he grinned. The Sergeant got San’s attention and you and Major Kang watched the others for the rest of the night-

Until most of the agents left and San was such a drunken mess that you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Will someone please take him to his room? Or just drop him here, I don’t even care,” you mumbled. “Just get him off of me, please.”

Major CJ was cackling. “I’m not touching him. He starts demanding cuddles.”

“Neither am I,” Major Kang was half asleep but not because he was drunk. 

“You both literally share a room, Major,” you glared at him.

“Jongho, do you mind if I crash over tonight?” Major Kang asked.

“Not at all,” he glanced at the Sergeant. “We can throw him on the couch, you can take his bed.”

“Wow,” you tsk-ed at all of them. “Traitors, all of you. Major Han?”

“I can’t even carry myself right now,” she said, almost tripping on her feet. “Why did Major Yu leave me all alone?”

“Probably to avoid this mess,” you muttered. “Major Choi San, wake the hell up, right now.”

“I wasn’t asleep,” he mumbled.

“Then get the hell away from me?” You glared at him in disbelief- he was using your arm on the table as a pillow and it was starting to hurt. “Go to your room and sleep.”

“Help me up then,” he said, not even opening his eyes. You looked up and gathered the last of your willpower to push his head away and pull his arm.

“Take his keys,” Major Kang tossed them in the air and you caught them, flipping a finger at him. He only laughed in dismissal. You asked San to at least cooperate with you a little and that your leg would hurt if you had to carry him, which was when he finally opened his eyes and straightened.

“You shouldn’t suggest drinks ever again,” you told him, hooking your arm in his and helping him walk straight. “Look at you. Such a mess.”

“You don’t look so bad either,” he grinned and you shook your head. He pointed at the room at the end of the hall and you looked around while you walked. 

“Is this your first time coming here?”

“No, but I haven’t ever visited your room since we got posted here,” you told him, unlocking his room and pushing the door open- it was pretty much the same as the other rooms but with beds on either corner of the room since he shared it with Major Kang. 

“There you go,” you tried unhooking your arm but he tucked it in. “I should go now, I’m tired. Let me go.”

“I don’t want to…” he pouted and you dug your nails in his arm until he winced and let your arm go. You laughed in victory, taking a step away.

“You’re supposed to heal me, not hurt me!” He rubbed at the marks your nails left but then stopped, admiring them. “You know what? I think I’ll keep them as a badge of honour anyway.”

“Wow, okay. Want me to give you some more? This time bloody marks, perhaps?”

The way San looked at you in that moment, his eyes slowly filling with mischief and lips curling into a smirk, you finally realised what you had said. This time, you were the one flushing and you turned to leave, muttering a bye but he caught your wrist.

“Maybe I’d like that.”

“You’re very, very drunk right now,” you laughed. “You won’t remember this tomorrow anyway.”

“You think the memories don’t come back to me?” He asked, his tone changing and you stopped struggling. “You think I forgot this exact moment? In Sector 6, when…” he pulled you towards him, making you face him. “When we danced all night long… just like this,” he interlocked his fingers with yours, his other hand finding its way inside your jacket to rest on your hip. “Do you remember?”

You were afraid to ask just how much he remembered. You weren’t sure you could manage to form a question right now anyway, especially with the way he was looking at you. You could feel your walls coming down-

All it took was him bringing your interlocked hands closer to kiss your hand and you felt the years worth of effort melting in an instant. 

He had done the same thing that night, in Sector 6. And you had almost kissed him and told him how much he meant to you. But you had been drunk, and you had managed to keep yourself in control, though you couldn’t stop yourself from saying things you regretted saying ever since.

You were drunk tonight too- though you were pretty sure this was the most awake you had been for a while. San still had his lips on your hand, his eyes glazed as he looked at you.

“We shouldn’t- I was drunk-”

“Then tell me you didn’t mean anything you said back then,” he scoffed. “Tell me you don’t think about us every night before you sleep. And tell me you’re not holding yourself back right now, because Major… I know you. I can see that you’re holding back.”

Indeed, he was familiar with every movement, every shift of your body like they were his own. He could read your eyes and your silence like you could read his. So when you didn’t respond, he dared to take another step and let his hand on your hip snake back so he could pull you closer, closer until you were flush against each other and you-

You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, not without doing anything you might regret, so you did the next best thing and rested your head on his chest, making him freeze for the slightest moment before he relaxed and let go of your hand only to embrace you in a hug- a hug that made you melt into it and you wondered just how much you had craved this all along.

“Did I tell you how glad I am that you’re alive?” He mumbled, taking a deep breath when your arms finally went around his waist. You nodded, nuzzling the crook of his neck with your nose as a yes. He squeezed you in the hug before drawing back and kissing your forehead just like he had a couple nights ago. You inhaled deeply, wanting to stay in that moment forever. Perhaps he saw that- after all, this was probably the most vulnerable you had looked in front of him. Perhaps he wanted to test the waters- he kissed your cheek next, his hands resting on your shoulders.

“Do you still think I’m not in my senses?”

His words rang in your ears and for a few seconds, you just stared back at him, trying to get your brain to work and scream at you that this wasn’t something you should be doing, especially with someone you worked with. Not like this. Not now. But the silence in your brain was louder. You found yourself inching towards him, eyes fixed on his parted lips that looked like your salvation right now.

“I don’t want you to do something you will regret later-”

You ignored his warning and pulled him towards you, meeting his lips in a kiss. You drew back, finding him more surprised than you had thought- as if he hadn’t practically led you here with his own hands. You kissed his lips again, tasting the sweet tinge of alcohol- a reminder that perhaps, this wasn’t right. But you didn’t care. You’ve had enough of this. So you kissed him yet again, but he remained unmoving. You drew back and frowned in confusion.

“Why won’t you kiss me back, Sannie?”

It was like you calling him by that name undid something in him- he let out a guttural sound before cupping your face and kissing you back like it was the last time he would get to do so- and perhaps, he feared that it was. With your somewhat clouded minds, maybe this was just in the heat of the moment- for you- because he was so sure about himself. He had wanted you for so, so long and now that he finally had you-

You tried to meet the pace of his desperate kisses but it was overwhelming you, so you let him kiss you as he liked for a moment before breaking apart for air. You cupped his face, your heart breaking at the way he looked so unguarded.

“San- I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere- I’m right here.”

 “You’re here… with me.”

“I’m here,” you nodded with a smile, pecking his lips. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

San understood and then kissed you so gently that the butterflies you got earlier in your stomach felt weak- this was how it should feel, like something in you was becoming undone and you could melt right there, in his arms, and be there forever. You wrapped your arms around his neck to meet his lips better and he held you close to him as if his arms were the only reason you were standing- you realised it was true because your knees were putty. He made you wrap your legs around him and pinned you to the wall, making you sit on his thigh while he kissed you.

The way he kissed… you were absolutely losing it. The sound of his mouth on yours and the little grunts he produced were driving you crazy. The way his hands stayed on your waist, his thumbs hooking on your tank top made you shiver against him and he smiled into the kiss. And his tongue- oh goodness. He was incredible and you were wondering why you hadn’t done this earlier.

This time when you broke apart, he started trailing kisses down your neck and you shut your eyes in pleasure, rocking against his body, and when his lips stayed on one part of your skin unmoving but his hands gripped your hips, you realised he liked what you were doing. He liked you moving against his thigh. He looked up, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Just how long have you wanted me, Major Seo?”

You raised a brow, annoyed, and smacked his arm, making him chuckle and capture your lips in a kiss again, guiding you towards his bed where he sat you, getting on top of you and you were both grinning and about to kiss again when-

When you both heard the sound of click on the door and couldn’t do anything but watch Major Kang enter, humming to himself, and then looking up- 

And freezing.

For a few moments, it was so silent that you could hear your own heartbeat in your ears.

“Uh… carry on, please, don’t stop on my account,” he finally said, looking mortified. “I’ll just see myself out-”

“Wait-” you called but he only waved and disappeared, making you look at San-

And then you both burst into laughter, unable to tone it down, laughing as loudly as you could until you had tears in your eyes. San wiped his eyes, shaking his head at you.

“You really won’t be laughing like this tomorrow, y/n. I hope you will be, but I know you.”

Your smile slowly fell. You found San’s hand and looked at your interlocked hands for a long time. San didn’t ask what you were thinking- he knew anyways. So when you said you were going back to your room now, he let you- but not before he kissed you again and you responded enthusiastically- you really had no control over yourself tonight, it almost turned into another makeout session but San drew back.

“You should go. But when tomorrow comes… don’t tell me you regret any of this, okay?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

He visibly relaxed. “Goodnight, y/n. I’ll come with you- I have to fetch Major Kang anyway. He might be traumatised.”

You chuckled, saying goodbye and going to your room and finding yourself unable to sleep because you couldn’t help replaying what just happened in your head- smiling like an idiot in love.

Maybe you were.

—--------------------------

“Can you stop looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” Major Kang raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not looking at you.”

You paused in the middle of cleaning your bullet wound to glare at the man in front of you who was also in the middle of changing his own bandages in the medical ward. He stifled a smile but failed, opting to turn his back to you instead.

“Just say it. Say it and get it over with.”

Major Kang sighed deeply. “Look, I’m not interested in what you and Major Choi do when you’re both alone- ” You threw the roll of surgical tape at him which he caught with a glare but he continued, “-I really did not have to see that sight when I came into my room, Major Seo. That’s all I’m saying.”

Years of training did not teach you how to keep the flush from your face. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Yeah, I’ve heard it before. ‘It just happened’- ”

“Shut up,” you groaned. “It really did just happen.”

“Don’t tell me it was your first time,” he scoffed and when he didn’t get a response, he gasped out loud, actually looking concerned for once. “It was your first time?”

“Yes,” you muttered, looking around and glad no one was in the vicinity. “If you’re thinking me and Major Choi are a thing, you’re wrong.”

“So you only made out yesterday because you were drunk?”

Was what you were asking yourself ever since the morning too. It was definitely not because you were drunk- moreover, you promised San that you would not regret this. 

And you did not. You were just confused about a number of things, especially how this would go on now. And you were glad the day was almost over and you still hadn’t come across San because you weren’t sure you could face him right now- you needed to get your thoughts straightened. 

“You’re confused,” Major Kang scanned your face with curiosity. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this confused, and I’ve known you for a very long time now. Something happened when you two were out there until we came to retrieve you, right?”

You sighed deeply, finishing bandaging your leg again and seating yourself on the corner of the bed. “I always thought that Major Choi joked around with me, but you know how he gets around me when he’s drunk, right?” Major Kang nodded and you continued. “I thought he only did that to rile me up or something-”

“He didn’t, but okay, carry on.”

You passed him a side-eye. “We’ve had a few moments in the past two years. Moments when I wondered if Major Choi was going to cross the boundaries of professionalism and do something that might change our dynamic-”

“Can you sound any more cryptic?” Major Kang sighed. “Just say that you like him.”

“I do!” You groaned out loud, burying your face in the bed. 

“Major Choi likes you too- you’ve just been too blind to see it.”

“I know.”

“Then I don’t see the problem?”

“I just…” you got up. “We’re special agents, Major Kang. Do you think it’s a wise decision to make? To be with a member of your team, of all the people in the world? We walk into death’s trap every other day and it’s honestly a miracle that we’re still alive, isn’t it? We’re on borrowed time. I just… I cannot make this more complicated than it already is.”

“Hmm… it makes sense,” Major Kang finished bandaging his own arm and sat next to you. “But that’s the agent in you speaking about all this professionalism and stuff. It’s not like the other agents here don’t have a family. Major Yu is a mother. You think she didn’t think about this before marrying a civilian?”

You bit your lips- it was true. Major Yu was someone you had immense respect for- she was balancing her work and personal life extremely well. As a mother, as someone with a family, she probably risked more than any one of you when going into missions. Major CJ was the only provider in his family too. 

“I think there’s something else you’re scared of… and perhaps, you haven’t figured out what exactly that is yet,” Major Kang smiled knowingly. “I think you just need to go with the flow. If you really think you’re on borrowed time, shouldn’t you be living each moment to the fullest instead of holding yourself back?”

That line stuck with you. 

It stuck with you for the rest of the day, making you wonder just what would be so bad about being with Choi San and what was really stopping you and making you so afraid of the future.

You didn’t try to find Major Choi that day but you knew you couldn’t avoid him forever. You did come across him the next day but it was with everyone else and it was very casual- as if nothing had happened between you two. You were arguing just like usual, met up with Sergeant Kim to get the files and data for your next mission and the three of you planned a strategy for hours until you parted ways for the night. You wondered if he had actually been so drunk that he forgot the events of that night when a knock sounded on your door and you checked the time, wondering if it was one of the girls who needed something-

And blinked twice when you opened the door and found Major Choi in front of you.

“Is something wrong?” You asked, looking around, wondering if something had happened-

“Shouldn’t we talk?”

Oh. Your eyes went wide and you pulled him inside, shutting the door. “You shouldn’t come here so casually.”

“Why? Major CJ comes and goes as he pleases- I’ve never seen anyone feel strange about that.”

“Jongho is everyone’s baby here,” you told him. “He’s like our little brother. We don’t mind him,” you grinned. “However, you coming here is another story-”

“Oh? On a first name basis with Jongho yet the first time you called my name in years is because we thought we wouldn’t live to see the next day?”

You scanned his figure- he was still in his uniform and it looked like he hadn’t gone back to his room at all. He had removed the bandage from his cheekbone so there was a dull graze instead. His hair was no longer combed back but messily falling on his forehead as if he had been running his hands through them.

“If you wanted to be called by your name that bad, you could have just asked,” you said casually, steering towards the small kitchen in your room and offering him a drink. He raised a brow.

“Should we drink again?”

You sighed deeply, resting your figure against the counter and ditching the drinks. “You came to talk.”

“How’s your leg?”

“Oh, it’s fine,” you looked down at your bandaged calf. “How’s your arm?”

“What do I mean to you?”

The room fell silent. The silence was too suffocating. You did not realise how long you simply stared at San until he took a step towards you and you took a step back, watching hurt flash in his eyes.

“Wait, let me just…” you tried saying something to undo that moment, swallowing the anxious wave that spread through you. You took a deep breath and looked at the man-

The man who meant the world to you. The only person who had been in your life for so long and was such a big part of it. How could you ever tell him that with words? 

“Just tell me one thing, y/n,” he insisted, his voice low and so cautious. “Tell me if you regret where we are right now.”

“I don’t,” your response was immediate. “I don’t regret any moment of it.”

“Then what are you so afraid of?”

You looked away and this time you didn’t stop San as he inched closer towards you until he could hold your hands in his. “Tell me what’s holding you back.”

Your heart fluttered at the sight of your linked hands. You weren’t sure you could say anything that would not hurt him at that moment but there were some things you needed to address. “Should we really do this, Major? We’re special agents. We’re a team. You can’t tell me this is a good decision.”

“Do you think I care about that?” He asked. “We’re a team and we will continue to be a team. Nothing will change.”

“That’s a lie, though,” you smiled sadly as you looked at him. “Everything will change. Everything has changed.”

“Not for me,” he brought one hand to tuck your hair behind your ear, studying your eyes and trying to decipher the puzzling look in them. “I have loved you for so long that it’s become a part of me now.”

You shut your eyes, letting that sink in and when he took another step towards you, you didn’t stop him as he kissed your forehead. “I know you feel at least a fraction of what I feel for you. So tell me all your fears, y/n. I’m here.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” You laughed a bit. “I’ve always talked about professionalism, haven’t I? I’ve always talked about how unprofessional it is to have an intimate relationship with someone in this field when you don’t even know if you will live to see the next day. How can I do this and not be afraid, Major?”

“I mean…” he pouted. “You’re right but we’re still alive-”

“Major Choi San-”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” he laughed and you were kind of grateful that he was keeping it light because you weren’t sure what sort of a mess you would become otherwise. “I know what you mean. I feel that as much as you do. But y/n…” he caressed your cheek. “Every mission where we cheat death, I grow more and more afraid of losing you. And then I think about what I will regret if I lose you- not telling you how I feel about you. How much you mean to me.”

“That’s why I’m afraid, San,” you admitted. “I know one day it’s going to happen. I know why I’m here, I know how dangerous it is, and I have seen what happens when you lose someone in this manner. You know that.”

You were referring to your mother. He knew the stories about your family quite well- you told him when you first became friends. “This war is ugly. We’re here to end this and we will die in the process. It is our fate. We’re only going to make it more complicated for us if we do this.”

Major Choi did not like the way you thought about these things- time and time again, you both had been on opposite ends in this argument. He had tried so hard to break your walls and make you see life from an optimistic lens. He wished you could take a peek in his mind.

“I would rather die happy than to live regretting what I could have done for the rest of my life,” San said, making you lock eyes with him. “I would rather have known the taste of your lips, the feel of your skin on my skin than to imagine what it could have been,” he leaned down to whisper in your ears-

“And I would rather have known the sounds you make when I touch you, because god, I cannot get those sounds out of my head.”

Warmth pooled in your stomach at his words and perhaps he was good at triggering you to do things you wouldn’t normally do because you saw the opportunity and took it- you saw his bare neck and snaked your hand up to push the collar of his jacket to the side so you could plant a sweet kiss at the spot you had your eyes on- the spot that had made him squirm that night. This time, he was the one making those sounds and perhaps he was right-

You’d rather die having known all those things. Having known what he felt like, in every way possible.

San’s grip on your waist tightened a bit as you trailed kisses up his neck to his jaw and then caressed the scar on his cheekbone with your thumb. You were dazed in that moment and you did not want to think about anything else except the fact that he was so close to you right now, so close that you could feel the warmth of his body and it felt so welcoming. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, realising it might be your favourite spot. San let you have your moment until he hummed to make sure you were alright.

“What are you thinking, love?”

You sighed. How could you ever get used to him calling you ‘love’? How could you ever get used to being in his arms and feeling so safe? How could you go to the field with him covering you? You would want to shield him from everything. But then…

You have always felt that way. Perhaps he was right. It wouldn’t be so different.

You didn’t respond. You drew back and scanned his face once before locking your gaze on his lips. He got the signal and he immediately planted his lips on yours and you kissed him, feeling every nerve in your body ignite with pleasure. One of his hands went to rest on the back of your neck, his thumb caressing your skin and guiding you as he kissed you better, deeper until you had to draw away and catch your breath.

You melted at the way he couldn’t open his eyes for a few moments. For the shortest moment, you could understand why you were afraid of all the wrong reasons, though that did nothing to soothe your anxiety. It was only San kissing you again that made you forget about all your fears and let yourself get lost in that moment. He picked you up effortlessly and took you to the couch, placing you down ever so gently as he got on top of you. 

“I need you to use your words,” San moved your hair away from your face gently, searching your eyes. “Tell me we’re good.”

“We’re good,” you nodded. “San, please-”

San realised what you meant when he noticed the position you both were in- he was hovering on top of you but his knee was dangerously close to your core. His breath got caught and he looked at you again but before you could take the matters into your own hands, he held your wrists.

“Tell me what you want.”

You groaned, looking away but San wasn’t having any of it. He leaned closer, turning your face to him gently by placing his fingers under your chin and made you lock eyes with him. You watched his lips curl into a smile and he said, “Look at you, Major. You’re all flushed.”

“Shut up,” you laughed, attempting to hide your face but he was grinning, not allowing you to do so. You huffed in defeat, locking eyes with him yet again, trailing one hand up his arm and then down his chest to unbutton his jacket slowly. San watched you while you did that and then his jacket fell open, leaving him with a black tank top underneath. You were about to snake both your hands under when he gripped your wrists again.

“You still haven’t answered me.”

“I want you,” you breathed, propelling yourself forward so you could meet his lips and you pecked them. “I want you, Major. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, however short it may be, even though the rational part of my brain still thinks it’s a bad idea,” you said, letting San fall back on the couch so you were now on top of him with your legs on either side of him. “I don’t know how long I’ve wanted you for, how long I’ve loved you because I know I do, I just… never allowed myself to think about this, so,” you bit your lips, looking at him and finding his gaze overwhelming. His grip on your wrists loosened and you took that chance to place your hands on his collarbones, caressing them. “You mean so much to me. I will always be afraid of losing you. And I don’t know how we’ll figure this out- how I will figure this out since you seem to have the hang of it already, but…” you both laughed at that and you locked eyes with him. “I want you.”

San kissed you, lingering there. “Say that again.”

“I want you,” you breathed, meeting his lips again and opening your mouth as soon as his tongue swiped your lips, your arms going around his neck to hold him closer as you kissed. It wasn’t rushed yet there was a sense of urgency now that you both had bared your hearts to each other. And San wasn’t shy while making out with you at all. His hands were everywhere and soon, he shifted so he was back to being on top of you, which was when he started to trail his lips down your neck.

“Can I take this off?” He asked, fisting your shirt and you nodded, taking off his jacket first. He smirked, taking off your shirt for you and leaving you in a black athletic bra. He shook his head in amusement but went back to trailing kisses down your neck. You shut your eyes and lowered your defences- that was what he was aiming to do. His kisses were gradually releasing all the tension from your shoulders and you wondered how he knew that. His hands travelled up your waist and you opened your eyes, nodding and he wasted no time taking off your bra as well and when you pouted, he laughed, taking off his tank top.

“Now we’re even,” he grinned, looking shamelessly at you and you resisted the urge to fold in on yourself.

“No, we’re not,” you muttered. “And stop looking at me like I’m your last meal.”

San laughed heartily, kissing your lips and you smiled into the kiss. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful. Seo beautiful.”

“Shut up,” you groaned. “That joke is the worst thing I’ve heard.”

“It cracks you up everytime,” he muttered against your mouth, kissing you again and diving down, his hand cupping one of your breasts and playing with it while he kissed and licked and nibbled everywhere he could. You couldn’t breathe and you put a hand over your mouth as if you needed to stifle your sounds but he noticed that and held your hand away.

“Don’t be shy, Major. I need to hear you make all those pretty sounds.”

“God, you’re insufferable-” you began but he went to attack your sweet spot right at that moment, earning a little moan and then he smiled in victory, making you slap his arm. You decided that he had teased you enough and with your legs, you pushed him away to get back on top of him, your chests flush against each other and your arms around his neck, holding his face closer to yours as you kissed him deeply, rolling your hips on his lap and earning a loud groan from him. You grinned in the kiss but this time, it was you who groaned when he grabbed your waist and made you do that again.

“Don’t stop,” he pleaded, kissing you again and you nodded, matching his movements and finding him hard against your core. You weren’t trying to hold back your noises anymore and neither was he, and you were glad at least one of you had a room all to themself so you could do this without any worries. You gave up on kissing at some point and snaked your hands down his chest to the plane of his stomach, tracing his abs, and then down and down-

“Shall we take this to bed?” San suggested, stifling a groan when your hands played with the waistband of his pants. “You’re not shy anymore.”

You shrugged and he got up, making you wrap yourself around him, giggling as he made his way to your bed, dropping you gently. He caressed your injured leg. “We don’t want you to be uncomfortable, do we?”

You hummed, letting him take your trousers off and he got back on top of you, admiring your body and wondering where to start. You poked his stomach with your toes and he laughed, nuzzling your neck with his nose and you took a moment to memorise how that felt, because…

You felt so, so safe. There were no alarms ringing in your head. There were no sounds alerting you except the sound of his breath or his kisses which relaxed you. There was no sense of rush, for all your talk about ‘being short on time’. You wrapped your arms around him and he was quick to detect the sudden shift in your mood but didn’t say anything. He knew you were figuring it out along the way now, and he was elated that you even gave him a chance to prove that it wasn’t as bad as you thought. He settled next to you, bringing you in his arms and you placed a leg on top of him. His hands went to cup your thigh and your breath hitched at the sensation of his hand so near where you wanted him so, so bad. You fiddled closer and he kissed your head, letting his hands caress your inner thigh.

“Are we good?”

“So good,” you almost moaned, kissing his lips again. You wanted- no, needed him at this point. And you were glad he understood you so well, so when his fingers slid inside your panties, you shuddered against him. He caressed your folds, finding you soaked and kissing you eagerly as he slid his fingers up your wet folds, rubbing your clit once and you moaned into the kiss, pushing your hips against his hand to meet his movements better. He continued like that, just teasing you and kissing all your moans away before he finally slid one finger inside you-

“Fuck,” he groaned in your ear. “You feel so good.”

You didn’t respond, shutting your eyes and letting him continue like that for a while until he slid another finger inside you and you groaned loudly.

“Gosh, you’re perfect,” he met your lips in an open mouthed kiss. “Look at you. All needy for me.”

“You look like you’ve done this before,” you bit your lips, stifling a moan. “You’re pretty good at what you’re doing.”

“Am I?” He grinned, pressing his thumb to your clit and making you squirm. “I think it’s just because I know you so well. I know exactly how to get you riled up, Major.”

You rolled your eyes but when he started to stop teasing and start pleasing, you brought him closer, your kisses messy and needier now as he drove you to the edge and he drew back to watch you fall apart on his fingers, shuddering deeply and out of breath. He peppered kisses on your face as you recovered from your high and you finally opened your eyes.

“Shall I return the favour?”

San raised a brow before it hit him and he groaned. “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop if you decide to touch me tonight, Major.”

“I never asked you to stop-”

“Shh,” he scolded, putting a finger on your lips and you took that chance to kiss it, making him laugh in disbelief. “I don’t want to rush anything with you,” he kissed you deeply. “I will have you soon, I promise that. I should let your leg heal first. I know it still hurts.”

You pouted deeply and he settled next to you, holding you in his arms. “Just let me hold you like this tonight, okay?”

“If that’s what you want,” you said, content to be right there. There was no better feeling than this. “I will have my revenge soon, though.”

“Oh? Is that how it is now?” 

“Yes,” you grinned, “I will settle the score soon.”

San shook his head in amusement and you teased each other for a while, occasionally riling the other up until you both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

—----------------------------

You were starting to understand why people always choose love no matter what their circumstances were. You were starting to understand how they found love even in the darkest of times, because…

Choi San was making sure that you would never feel alone or sad again.

A lot had changed since that night. While working, you two were pretty much the same. He would still rile you up with his bad jokes (were they bad if they did make you crack up later?) and you would still threaten to off him each time. It was very casual like before, yet…

He still refused to get his bandages changed by anyone else and invited himself to your room each morning and night so you could play his nurse. In the mornings since you were short on time and had to get to work, you two would joke around or share a light kiss which was routine now- you still marvelled at how it had become something you could call ‘routine’. But at night…

You asked Major Kang later if he was lonely because his roommate was spending most of his nights in your room. He only laughed in response and said he couldn’t care less because Major Choi annoyed him enough in the day so he could make up for it. You tsk-ed at that, having missed the chance to use that card on San so he could stop coming to your room all the time- surely the others must have noticed now as well. But could you really put all the blame on him when you were just as eager to see him at nights as he was?

Perhaps, you were more to blame. He would come in your room with the excuse of you checking on his wounds, and each time you would end up tracing the scars on his body, kissing some of them and that would turn into a makeout session and more, until you were skin on skin. He would return the favour then- trace your scars but each time with a story-

“I wish I had reacted earlier so you wouldn’t have gotten this.”

“I wish I had been there instead of you.”

You knew that the Major had the softest heart since the beginning, but it still amazed you when he looked at you with such hurt in his eyes, as if it physically pained him to see your body littered with scars. You told him it was okay, that these scars were unavoidable and you didn’t think much of them, but he only responded that he found them beautiful- especially the ones you took for him.

“Oh? Can you count all the ones I took for you?” You had asked.

“I can. I bet you can count all the ones I took for you too,” he responded with a smirk. 

He was right. You could. You had his body memorised since the very beginning- you could trace each of his scars with your eyes shut. You told him that and he was pretty pleased to hear that, attacking you with newfound affection and adoration that sometimes you found overwhelming but loved anyway. Overwhelming only because you had pushed him away all these years and-

And because it reminded you of your parents. 

Your parents had been so much in love. Your mother would wait for the weekends when it was time for your father to visit from the army. She would become a different person in his presence and you had loved that about her. You often resented your mother for breaking apart after your father’s sudden death, but now you were starting to understand what she must have felt because you were sure you would be the same. However… 

She did not possess the power to protect her partner. You did.

You were thinking about that when San nuzzled your cheek and broke you out of your trance. “You’re zoning out, love.”

You realised that you were- you had been staring at the documents in your hands for far too long now. You cleared your throat and started arranging them again so you could get back to the page you had been reading before you got lost in your head. San watched you do so and asked, “Is something bothering you?”

“No, I was just thinking about a few things,” you said, remembering where your train of thoughts started when you found the page. “Look- that’s Agent Golf, right? From Squad 6?”

“Major Lee, yes,”  San scanned the page. “From that damned mission two years ago.”

You recalled that very well- the agents here still referred to that incident because everyone thought it had been a mistake to take an injured agent to the field. Sure, you needed manpower at that time and every soldier counted, but… 

You all could still have avoided Major Lee’s death.

“I don’t remember him much, I’m sure you’ve interacted with him more,” you began and San nodded in agreement, “Was he close to his squad members? Like we are?”

“He was one of the older members,” San recalled. “So I’m sure his juniors depended on him a lot.”

“Did they ever find his body? I remember the funeral but I remember they didn’t find a body.”

“I’ll have to ask Sergeant Kim. What are you thinking?”

“I’m just wondering…” you began, your gut feeling making you confused. “I’m wondering if he is still alive.”

“If he was…” San shifted towards you. “I’m sure someone would have gone to retrieve him or he would have found his way back. It’s been two years.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” you shook your head and put the page back inside the folder. “It’s sad. We don’t even know if he had a family.”

“I’m sure his squad members will be taking care of that,” San placed his hand on your shoulder, rubbing it assuringly. “What’s really bothering you, love?”

You passed him a side-eye as you smiled. He knew you too well. “Nothing. I just don’t like the idea of performing a background check on people we are supposed to trust. I don’t like the idea that there is a rat among us.”

San could understand. “I’m more surprised than mad. I don’t know why anyone would choose to do that- when Eden has destroyed our home and families.”

“Right? I’m trying to look into why anyone would do that in the first place. That way we would be able to narrow down our suspects.”

“And is that why you were looking into Major Lee? Do you think he might be alive?”

“I was probably overthinking,” you sighed, cracking your neck. “I’ll look into the rest later. Do you want some tea? Coffee?”

“Coffee, please,” San said and you nodded, kissing his temple and getting up to go to the kitchen. Today had been a long day and you were getting tired of suspecting everyone around you- at least not your squad. They could never do that. 

You were just mixing up different blends of coffee when you felt arms wrap around your waist and you jumped, making San laugh. “I didn’t even hear you!”

“I wasn’t trying to be silent. You’re too lost in your head tonight,” San kissed the top of your head. “Long day?”

“Since I can’t go to the field for a while, Major Yu is making me do all her paperwork while she goes in my place,” you sighed. “I like being in the field better. I can’t sit at the desk all day.”

“I miss you too,” San muttered and you laughed, trying to grab the sugar pot but San just held you closer, resting his head against yours. “I miss being on the field with you. I had to partner up with Major Yu- she couldn’t stop cracking jokes through the radio- I almost got caught because of her twice.”

“I think that’s how she copes,” you giggled. “And you better be careful. I’m done nursing your wounds.”

“Are you?” San backed away only to stare at you. “Because I distinctly recall you kissing all my wounds a couple nights ago-”

You smacked his chest, asking him to back away if he wanted his coffee, but when he swung you around whilst tickling you, you were positive your laugh must have rang throughout the dorms and you put a hand over your mouth when he placed you on the counter.

“Major Choi San, the entire dorm must have heard my laugh-”

San shut you up with a kiss, catching you by surprise. However, you were quick to melt into it, the butterflies in your stomach wild. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss and when he broke apart, he watched you as you caught your breath, your lashes fluttering while you gazed at his lips- he was driving you insane. 

“You know how much I love it when you laugh, don’t you?”

You sighed internally- the Major was pretty direct with his words and feelings. No beating around the bush- not from him. Sometimes, you appreciated that because he was so clear and straightforward with you, no room left for confusion.

But at times when he said things like these…

San smiled, watching your cheeks get flushed. “You know… I never thought it was that simple to make you blush. With just words. You never blush when we make out or have sex, but…”

“What can I say? I’m not hard to please,” you laughed a bit, burying your face in his neck, still shy from his sudden comment. “Maybe you should have tried that instead of teasing me all this time.”

San hummed in agreement, running his hands down your arms and then snaking them inside your shirt to hold you at your waist. You kissed his neck in response, fisting his shirt and looking up at him. “This needs to go.”

“Oh?” San scoffed. “Not tired anymore, are you?”

“Oh, I still am,” you helped him take off his T-shirt, running your hands across the smooth planes of his chest. “I’m just waiting for you to do something about it.” 

“And? What would you like me to do about it?” San brought his hand up to your face to caress it as he looked at you lovingly, tracing the curves and edges of your face and sliding a thumb across your lips, a faint hint of smirk on his own lips as he slid his thumb inside your mouth. You pretended to bite him, making him grin but then you sucked on it until he looked pleased. He traced it across your lower lip again before kissing you softly.

“Words, love. I need your words.”

“You can do whatever you want to me-”

“That’s pretty vague,” San cocked his head. “I could leave you right here and go back to sleep.”

“Well then,” you huffed. “Why don’t you bend me over and fuck me? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Ah, that’s better,” San started taking off your clothes until you were in your panties only. You watched him take in the sight- he always did that. His eyes would travel everywhere along your body as he ran his rough palms across them, and then he would start kissing your neck, peppering kisses anywhere he liked until you were squirmy and needy for him. It was as if he aimed to please you and you alone- he wouldn’t let you have your way until he was done with you.

You clenched your thighs as he stopped sucking on the crook of your neck and he noticed, raising a brow. “Already needy for me?”

“Do something about it,” you said through gritted teeth and he let his hands run down your sides until he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your panties. You spread your legs for him, your core throbbing painfully now- and perhaps, he could see it on how you furrowed your brows. San rubbed at your clothed clit and you moaned loudly-

And that was his undoing. He dragged you closer and slid his fingers under your panties, sliding them along your wet folds and sliding his tongue in your mouth simultaneously, making you grip his shoulders as he kissed you. You lifted yourself up so he could take off your panties and he did, bending down to slide them off your legs and gripping your thighs afterwards, spreading them to see the mess he had made-

“In just a few minutes… you really want me that bad?” He commented and you groaned.

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, you will,” he promised, trailing kisses up your thighs and keeping them apart before his lips reached dangerously close to your core. He looked up at you once, settling on his knees before licking up a stripe and you cursed loudly, one hand supporting you up while the other automatically went to grip San’s hair-

Oh, how he loved that. He licked up again before his tongue dived inside you and his thumb started rubbing slow, slow and steady circles on your clit. It was too much and at the same time, it was not enough- you wanted him impossibly closer to you. He was driven by your moans and he was so good at what he was doing. You tried clenching your thighs but he wouldn’t let you. You moaned shamelessly when his nose rubbed against your clit as he shifted his position and at this point, he was practically making out with your clit. 

“San, please,” you begged. “I’m so close.”

He only hummed, inserting a finger inside you- he had done this enough times now to know exactly what drove you to the edge. The combination of his finger inside you, his nose rubbing against your clit and his tongue lapping your juices while he hummed against you drove you to your high and you tugged at his hair as you broke apart, clenching your thighs against his face but he did not stop- he continued with his ministrations until you were spent and you recovered from your orgasm. When he finally looked up at you, he grinned and you chuckled to yourself, running your hands through his hair. He got up and wiped his mouth with his hand.

“You’re delicious.”

“Shut up,” you smacked his chest but he shook his head, capturing your lips in an open mouthed kiss and diving his tongue inside so you could taste yourself on him and the way he kissed you, gripping your neck and hips and scooting you closer so you spread your legs and met his hard bulge made warmth pool in your stomach again for what was in store next.

“I’m nowhere near done, as you can already tell,” he muttered, tucking your hair back before taking out a condom from his pocket and shrugging down his trousers and boxers, his hard length swollen and ready to take you. You licked your lips at the sight and he noticed that, shaking his head in amusement as he pumped himself a few times before wrapping the condom around his length.

“Fuck me, San.”

“What?” 

“Fuck me, Major Choi San,” you said, not a shred of exhaustion in you as you wrapped your legs around his waist and brought him closer, his length wedged between the two of you. “I want you to fuck me right here, hard.”

San growled in your ear, biting your earlobe in response and positioning his cock to meet your wet folds, rubbing it against them a few times before sliding it inside you and you helped position yourself better, letting out a deep breath once he was fully wedged inside you-

And then he pumped himself in you- hard. 

Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and he started pumping his length in and out of you, kissing you anywhere his mouth could meet in between, your hands running across his back, chest, waist, and gripping at his hips. 

“Harder, San. Harder,” you begged. “I don’t want you to be soft this time.”

“Babe, do you want me to break you?” San asked, slowing down.

“Yes,” you breathed, kissing his lips. “Break me.”

San groaned, placing his hand on your neck and pushing you back until you were flat on the counter and you decided you liked this position better already, until-

Until he placed your legs on his shoulders and started pumping into you and your moans got uncontrollably loud, his length hitting you so deep in places you hadn’t discovered earlier.

“You like this, huh?” San groaned. “Want me to use you like a ragdoll?”

You only moaned in response, already close even though he seemed nowhere near done and you wondered if you really should have asked for this- though the pleasure now was nothing like what you had before. He took your hand and placed it on your stomach, pressing it so you could feel him pumping in and out of you, while his other hand remained on your neck, occasionally squeezing it lightly making your walls clench around him uncontrollably. 

“So tight for me,” San grunted, “Always so tight for me.”

“I’m so close-”

As soon as you said that, San squeezed the sides of your neck and pumped deeply into you, making you break apart with a loud moan, the orgasm heightened thanks to his hand on your neck. He continued for a few moments until he, too, groaned loudly and reached his orgasm, shaking as his body rested on top of you. 

You both stayed like that for a few moments with you caressing his head. When he recovered, he started peppering soft kisses all over your face, making you giggle. He drew back to lock eyes with you, and before he could say anything-

“I love you so much.”

His eyes went a little wide at the sudden confession. He smiled, pecking your lips. “I love you too. I’m glad you finally caved in, y/n. I’m glad you’re mine.”

“Hmm, you might need to be a little more convincing…”

San raised a brow, laughing loudly at your suggestion. He snatched a few tissues from the table and started cleaning your thighs.

“Next time you say that you’re tired,” he began. “I’ll understand that you just mean you want to be fucked-”

“San!” You laughed, getting up from the counter and down on the floor, your legs wobbly and you instinctively held on to him.

“You were saying?”

You glared at the man, smacking his chest as you muttered you were going to the shower. He shook his head, deciding to follow you there too.

—----------------------------

“Route 2 is clear, Team 1 please proceed forward,” you said into the radio, switching your position to the other window, making sure Team 1’s exit point was also clear. You heard a ‘copy that’ confirmation and zoomed in on the exit. 

“All clear on the West Exit. Team 2, please report your status?”

“We’re ready,” Major Choi’s voice sounded.

“Copy that. Proceed to the West Exit from Route 4. Team 3, I need confirmation for data retrieval?”

“Data retrieved,” Major Han responded. 

You moved to the other end of the room, signalling Major Yeom to keep watch on the West Exit while you checked Team 3’s route. After confirming a clear path, you called in the radio, “Team 3 towards North Exit- avoid Route 3. I spot movement.”

“Copy that,” Major Han confirmed and you watched for any signs of movement. All seemed clear and you allowed your shoulders to relax a bit, taking a deep breath. You switched positions with Major Yeom again, asking if everything seemed okay and he reported that it did.

“Team 1 has exited,” Sergeant Kim called. 

“Copy that,” you finally spotted Team 2 not far behind, Major Choi and Major Yu walking stealthily towards the gate, the enemy guard having disappeared to switch rotations. You watched them exit and exhaled another breath of relief.

“I’m spotting movement on the North Exit,” Major Yeom called and you waited until Team 2 was safely outside and signalled their exit before joining Major Yeom across the room. You zoomed in with your binoculars and indeed, three guards seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. You frowned, “Where did they come from?”

“I spotted them around that building,” Major Yeom pointed, turning on his radio and you nodded. He called, “Team 3, please halt. Proceed to find shelter- movement spotted near the North Exit at your 10 o’clock.”

“Copy that,” Major CJ answered. Major Yeom alerted the Squad 6 members waiting for Team 3 at the North Exit and you dared to ask him something.

“How has your squad been holding up after Agent Oscar?”

Major Yeom slowly brought the binoculars down, glancing at you for a moment. “Uh… we’re holding up okay, for the most part. It’s not the first time this happened after all.”

You felt a sharp sting at his words but you knew what he meant. He was probably talking about the past members such as Major Lee and the others. “I know. Somehow… you get used to being okay. You just have to be.”

“Yeah…” Major Yeom switched his binoculars. “You… you saved Agent Bravo, right?”

“Agent Oscar too,” you pointed out, sparing him a glance. “Before the enemy fired and we lost Oscar. He wasn’t in the best state anyway- I think he lost his leg.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you think they do to you when they capture you, Major?” You asked, not waiting for his response as you guided Team 3 to switch buildings. “Agent Oscar was unfortunate enough to be questioned by the enemy. They were getting answers out of him when we arrived- Major Choi and I.”

“I… I did not know that,” Major Yeom sighed. 

“Team 3?” You called into the radio. “I think you have a tail.”

“Shall we split?” Major CJ asked.

“No, it’s better to stick together,” you answered, asking Major Yeom to guide Team 3 to the North Exit or steer them towards the West Exit while you went to the other corner of the room and took out the radio meant for you and the Sergeant only.

“Sergeant?”

“I’m here,” Sergeant Kim sounded grim already. “Team 3 has a tail?”

“You’re thinking what I’m thinking?” You asked, making sure to keep your voice low.

“I’m going to inspect everyone who’s back. I don’t care anymore,” Sergeant Kim began but you bit your lips in thought.

“Wait- not yet,” you told him. “It would make it too obvious. Let’s wait until we get back and we’ll see what we have to do.”

Sergeant Kim did not respond for a few seconds but then he gave you an okay and you went back to join Major Yeom. The Team was being guided to the North Exit now and you resorted to watching Major Yeom plan out a new route. You occasionally quipped in and it took another half an hour for Team 3 to make a safe exit at north and you finally sat down and drank water.

“Good job, Major,” you said and he passed a smile, nodding. “I’m wondering why they were being tailed. Nobody spotted them during the mission.”

“Maybe they watched and decided to confront them later,” Major Yeom shrugged and you agreed, though you highly doubted that. You both packed your gear and started to exit out of the building, going inside the basement and walking in silence along the path that connected to a building right outside the West Exit. Bumping fists with the Major after making it through, you walked to your car where Sergeant Kim awaited, looking-

“Very grumpy. You’re making it too obvious.”

“I can’t help it,” he said. “There is a rat in our base who knew we were going to be here today. Who knew exactly what our plan was.”

“Let’s talk about it when we get back,” you whispered, patting his arm and going to Major Choi who was waving at you, looking rather cheerful.

“What’s got you in a good mood today?”

“Ask her,” San pointed at Major Yu who was in a heated discussion with Major Kang. You stood next to San, listening to their discussion and smacking San’s thigh when he tried holding your hand. 

“-so I asked my husband if he could really get me some tickets to the festival. And he’s such a sweetheart- it was tough but he managed to get exactly 7 tickets for the 7 of us!” Major Yu grinned. “So we’re scheduling our vacation next month and all going to Sector 6. I don’t care if you have to go see your families or friends- you all are coming with me to Sector 6 first before you go home.”

Major Kang got up and saluted her dramatically, making everyone laugh. You looked at San who already had a shit-eating grin on his face. You leaned closer, “I know what’s going on in your head right now. Cleanse your brain.”

“Not a chance,” he blew a kiss and you swatted it, making a face, Major Kang noticing and pretending to throw up. Sergeant Kim ordered everyone to get inside the car and you began your way back to the base. During the ride, you kept replaying the events of this mission in your head, wondering how the enemy knew exactly where Team 3 was. There had to be someone who told the enemy about the mission and you felt nauseous at the thought that it could be someone you knew.

You met up with Major CJ and Major Han when you got back to the base and found them just as confused as you. Sergeant Kim was wise enough to not let the confusion spread any further, calling them in his office for individual reports. Meanwhile, San and you casually moved to a corner and he asked you what was up.

“Our mission almost got compromised today, San,” you admitted and he frowned. “Team 3 got a tail right when they were about to exit- we had to reroute them. Someone knew Team 3’s exact location, our routes, our exit points. We’ve been compromised, San. And I’m wondering how long this has been going- if we really could have saved more people had we found out earlier.”

San pursed his lips in thought. “Does Sergeant Kim know?” 

“Yeah, he caught on just as I did,” you nodded. “We need to do something about this before they retaliate, the enemy. Because if they’ve been gathering information so far… I think they’ll strike soon, and it’s making me so worried-”

“Shh, it’s okay,” San came forward and wrapped you in a hug, not caring if anyone saw. You didn’t care either, simply relaxing in his arms. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? I think today’s mission might have narrowed our suspect list- this mission was supposed to be known only to a selected few.”

“I hope so,” you drew back. 

“Let’s go eat dinner before Sergeant Kim calls for us,” San suggested and you agreed, not really talking much and San let you sort your thoughts out while you ate. It was the Sergeant himself who found you both in the dining hall and the three of you decided to go to your room.

Sergeant Kim looked around a bit before settling on the couch beside San who had already made himself home on the other end. Sergeant Kim narrowed his eyes at him, “You look too comfortable here.”

“Ah, it must be your first time here, huh?” San scoffed. “Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Choi’s residence-”

“What did you gather from Team 3’s report?” You interrupted, having brought the documents Sergeant Kim had handed you a few days earlier and joining the two, dragging a chair to sit across them. 

“Nothing much,” the Sergeant replied and you noticed San sulking at the way the two of you had ignored him completely. You shrugged at him as if to say ‘did you expect anything else?’. “They are pretty sure no one spotted them during the mission. Did you see anything suspicious while you kept watch?”

“Nothing until Team 3’s exit,” you told him. “The guards started moving towards where they were all of a sudden as if they knew. Major Yeom guided the team out for the most part.”

“Okay, so here’s the thing,” Sergeant Kim started spreading the pages on the table while he continued. “I don’t think there’s a pattern yet, but I think it’s safe to say that if there’s a rat and they’ve been watching our movements, they’re done simply watching. They’re retaliating. And we know that because in the past 4 months, our success rate has significantly dropped- and I’m not talking about the book definition of success.”

“You’re talking about the agents we’ve lost,” San said.

“That’s right,” the Sergeant nodded. “What do you think?”

You took a deep breath. “With both these missions, we were compromised on one of the routes known only within the base, right? With Squad 7 guiding us back at the base, and the rest of us in the field. Can we narrow it down somehow?”

“I have a feeling today didn’t go like they expected,” Sergeant Kim admitted. “If they tailed Team 3, they must have tried to accomplish something, right? What did they get accomplished though? Nothing. I think today is the first time they failed. In which case…”

“In which case they might retaliate,” you completed and he nodded, grim. “What changed today?”

“We can omit Squad 5 from the list of suspects, I think,” he answered. “That leaves us with our squad and Squad 6. I don’t think we should suspect Squad 7- if there’s a rat in there, they would find out themselves. It’s not like they were guiding us today either.”

“I really don’t think it’s someone from our squad,” San quipped in and you agreed.

“Squad 6, huh?” Sergeant Kim looked at the pages spread across the table- information of the current and former members of the squad. He picked Major Yeom’s page to get a closer look. “Did he know you were joining him today? At the station?”

“It was a last minute thing for me too, no one did,” you told him. “Do you think Major Yeom could be the rat?”

“Even if he is… who is he reporting to? Is it someone in the base or someone outside?” Sergeant Kim sighed. “And can we really suspect Major Yeom? What about the others? One of them made a pretty stupid mistake in our previous mission, if I recall.”

“Plus, Major Yeom is the one who eventually guided Team 3 safely outside,” you glanced at San. “You’re friends with a few from Squad 6, right? Anyone exhibiting strange behaviour after our previous mission?”

“Not really, no,” San shook his head, leaning forward. “I don’t think us sitting and drawing conclusions like this will yield any results. We need to conduct a proper investigation into this before something worse happens. We should alert the Lieutenant.”

“I would have alerted him already had I secured some solid evidence. There’s no pattern yet and we’re trusting our guts. As much as I trust my gut and you both, I can’t simply go with that to the Lieutenant,” Sergeant Kim sighed loudly before slumping back and you made a face. 

“We have to follow protocol, huh?” San sighed too.

“The protocol sucks,” you groaned. “I’ll conduct my own investigation. Major Yeom did not know what state Agent Oscar had been in when we retrieved him- before we lost him. Why was he not aware? Do the rest know?”

“My job was to convey information to Sergeant Park,” Sergeant Kim raised a brow as he thought. “I don’t think he did that on purpose though.

“Ah. I forgot Sergeant Park is literally your best friend-”

“No, that’s not it,” Sergeant Kim laughed. “He must have told them that Oscar was held hostage and questioned before you retrieved him. Maybe he didn’t go into the details.”

“Maybe Major Yeom lied,” San pouted. “I trust Sergeant Park for some reason.”

“You trust everyone,” you retorted and San sulked further, sinking down into the couch. “Come on, Sergeant, we need to make a decision.”

“Let’s start with Squad 6- I’ll talk with Sergeant Park,” he decided. “He must be suspicious too with how things have been recently. But you two… try not to make it too obvious, okay?”

You and San burst into a chorus of ‘as if’ and ‘you’re the most obvious one’ and Sergeant Kim decided to see himself out. You started gathering the documents, glancing once more at Major Yeom’s file. San gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze and you decided to trust your captain, relaxing into San’s touch.

—-------------------------

The sound of the alarm ringing loudly enough to wake the dead up had to be the most horrible sound you had ever heard in your life.

It had only played once before and it was a memory you wished you would forget- even now, for a few moments, you remained in your bed blinking and wondering if you were dreaming. It wasn’t until you heard the radio announcement that you got up abruptly and moved to grab your bulletproof vest and jacket, grabbing every weapon you had in your room, because-

The base was under attack.

It had only been a mere two days since your last mission, since Sergeant Kim and Park started investigating their squad members in secret. You wondered if it was somehow linked to their investigation- it had to be. As soon as you were prepared, you went outside, greeted by the rush of soldiers donning their jackets or loading their weapons. Amidst all the chaos, you spotted San and rushed towards him, holding his hand and squeezing it.

“Oh, you’re here,” he gave you a brief hug. “You’re thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yeah, we need to find Sergeant Kim or Sergeant Park,” you said and he nodded, looking around once and dragging you into a corner. 

“Listen- I just asked and it’s not looking good. The enemy chose a direct attack this time and the Left Wing is compromised already. How’s your leg?”

“It’s good, San, don’t worry,” you assured him, and it was the truth. “There was a reason I joined the previous mission. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I can’t help it,” he smiled, kissing your forehead. “Let’s go then. We have no time to waste.”

You nodded and the two of you started asking around for Sergeant Kim, knowing he wouldn’t be in his office but out fighting. Major Han spotted you both and dragged you to the weapons room-

“I’ve been charged with making sure you gear up like proper soldiers, and for exactly this reason,” she shook her head at the lack of helmet and equipment. “Sergeant Kim has put me in charge of leading our squad in his absence, so turn on your radios and follow me. The rest are waiting with him.”

You and San stifled your scoffs and wore the helmets, Major Han slapping you both on the neck and checking your gear, inquiring about your leg. She sighed, “We’ve already reported three casualties on the Left Wing. We will be in charge of driving them out, understood? Follow me.”

Your blood boiled at the number and you gripped your sniper as you made way to the Right Wing- the exit that your squad frequently used. As you reached closer, the sound of gunshots and soldiers shouting got louder. You spotted your members and Squad 6 ready and waiting, the Sergeants in a corner talking in hushed voices. As soon as Sergeant Kim spotted you both, he signalled and you both joined him.

“We’re waiting for orders from the Lieutenant before we go to help at the Left Wing- but I’m going to task you both for another mission. Sergeant Park?”

Sergeant Park nodded. “Major Yeom is missing. We have high suspicions to believe that he is the one who has been updating the enemy. He must have left earlier to either join them or hide. I need you both to find him and bring him back alive, is that understood?”

“Yes, Sergeant!” you both nodded. 

“I’m not entrusting my squad because of obvious reasons and sympathy factor, but Sergeant Kim here says you both are perfect for the job. Prove it.”

“And please stay safe, both of you,” Sergeant Kim huffed. “Don’t give me another heart attack. My lifespan has already decreased a good amount thanks to the two of you.”

San stifled a grin and you asked, “Do you have any suspects for who exactly Major Yeom might be providing information too? Or did you ever find out information on the man with the tattoo?” You recalled the man you had encountered while saving Agent Oscar.

“We believe it might be a group within the enemy, one specified to be spies,” Sergeant Kim said. “We haven’t seen it before, so we can’t say much. It’s only speculation.”

“Understood. We’ll take our leave then,” you said and the Sergeants nodded, making sure you had enough weapons before instructing you to find Squad 4 in the control room and start from there. You stayed on your toes the entire time, scanning everyone who crossed your path, looking for signs of anything suspicious because if Major Yeom had defected…

There could very well be others. 

You reached the control room and the Sergeant let you in, already having heard from Sergeant Kim and Park. He guided you both to the CCTVs and you got a good look at what was going on- the soldiers were still fighting against the enemy at the Left Wing and the enemy was trying to push its way inside or circle around to the Right Wing. It looked ugly. San went to monitor what was happening inside and for a while you both stood observing the base until San spotted a few of the enemy soldiers squeezing their way inside. The Sergeant immediately alerted Squad 5 to take care of it and you both decided to check the unmonitored rooms for Major Yeom. 

“Shall we check the basement first? Or keep it for the end?” You asked.

“The basement can be accessed from outside too, right?” San asked, pausing to think. “Shall we look at the dorms first? Divide and conquer?”

“Sure,” you nodded, getting anxious. You were short on time- you needed to join your squad back at the Right Wing too. “Check the dorms first, meet outside. And then the offices, the weapon rooms, and let’s go to the basement together after?”

“Sure. you take the offices, I’ll take the weapon rooms,” San said and you both agreed, splitting immediately after connecting your radios.

About an hour passed by as you checked each level, meeting by the staircase with a confirmation of ‘all clear’. You found nothing and San informed Sergeant Kim about going to check the basement. Sergeant Kim told him to make it quick and meet him at the Right Wing. 

As the two of you descended into the eerie silence of the basement, a part of you wondered if this search was just a waste of time- why would Major Yeom be in the basement? He could have exited amidst this chaos at any time- or done whatever he needed to. The basement only contained storage rooms with the archives and some exit routes- but exit routes were more easily accessible on the ground level, so why would the enemy be there?

“You take the right side, I’ll take the left,” San said when you reached down. You nodded and patted his arm before parting ways, aiming your gun as you started checking the rooms- empty, empty, yet another empty room-

And then the sound of footsteps that did not belong to San.

You hid behind a shelf, trying to calculate the distance- it seemed like the person was going further away from you. You dared to take a peak and frowned at the sight of someone in the same uniform as yours, walking at high alert with their gun aimed and ready-

It was Squad 6’s badge. It had to be Major Yeom.

You started following him silently, not even daring to breathe any louder than necessary, and when the Major went inside one of the rooms, you quickened your pace and took a look inside that room-

He was alone and it looked like he was looking for something. He was searching through the files- for what?

You took a deep breath and entered the room with your gun pointed at the Major. “Hands up, drop your weapons, now.”

The Major froze, glancing at you once, not daring to turn. “Major Seo. I can explain-”

“Drop your weapons, now,” you seethed, stepping closer as he dropped his gun to the ground, the metal meeting the floor with a clang. You buried the muzzle of your gun in his back before ordering him to exit the room. The Major knew better than to disobey you and took slow and steady footsteps as per your instructions until you had him pinned to the wall so you could signal San.

“Charlie, I’ve got the mole,” you said into the radio, waiting for a response but when 10 seconds passed and you got none, you grabbed the Major’s collar and started steering him to the direction San had gone into earlier.

“Charlie? I need a response,” you called, panic starting to bubble in your heart. “Charlie, this is Echo, can you hear me?”

You wondered if his silence was because he found something or was in a situation where he needed to be silent- you simply prayed it was only that. However, having scoured the basement and finding no signs of San, you slammed the Major against the wall and dug your gun in his back. “Who was with you here?”

“No one-”

“Choose your answer carefully, I will not hesitate to shoot you down,” you warned and the Major scoffed. 

“I bet Sergeant Park wants me back alive.”

“He never said anything about you being unharmed, though,” you started dragging your gun down his thigh and Major Yeom groaned.

“Fine, there is someone. You should check the exit.”

“Take the lead,” you gave him space to walk, still holding him by his collar as he led you to the room at the other end of the basement- a storage room with one of its bookshelves now pushed away from the wall, behind which a door was slightly ajar.

“What were you trying to find in the archives?” You asked, nudging him to go ahead inside the passage. 

“I don’t know-”

“Like hell you don’t,” you entered the path, the smell of damp mud hitting you right away and you turned on the light on your helmet.

“I was only instructed to retrieve a specific document, which wasn’t even present there,” Major Yeom clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Look, I’ve got nothing against you- I know you’re following orders. But you really shouldn’t go to the end of this path.”

You didn’t stop walking. “I need to find Major Choi.”

“If he’s got Major Choi, you can forget about him-”

That was your last straw- you slammed the Major into the wall and dug your arm into his neck, your hand almost shaking as you pointed the gun at his temple. “Who?”

Major Yeom tried retaliating but you were quicker and you kicked his ankle harshly, effectively making him drop to his knees as you pointed your gun at his head. “I’ve had enough- your colleagues are dying out there fighting the enemy, Major Yeom. Just what have you gotten yourself into?”

“Are you sure they’re the enemy? Eden? We haven’t been saints either,” he scoffed, spitting on the ground. “You talk about principles and morals but where were your morals when you abandoned your colleagues when some mission went wrong, huh?”

Your heart sank. “If this is about Oscar, I did not abandon him-”

“Not him,” he shook his head. “The others. You and Major Choi… you go back for each other, disobeying every protocol and you get an applause. Why did no one go back for Major Lee?”

You frowned. “I’m pretty sure Sergeant Park eventually went back for him. As for Major Choi and I… you don’t know anything.”

“Sergeant Park never went back for him- or if he did, he didn’t try hard enough. Do you have any idea what they did to Major Lee?”

“Major Lee is dead,” you almost cried. “Forget about the past- why are you doing this now, huh? Who’s ordering you?”

“He’s not dead-”

“Stand back and drop your weapons, now.”

You froze- how did you not hear someone coming when even your hushed voices were echoing? Was the person already present and listening to your conversation? With the feeling of dread clouding your mind, you took a step back from Major Yeom and glanced up-

To see a masked man holding San at gunpoint.

And fortunately enough, Major Yeom took your stepping back as a sign to stand up and you did the first thing you thought sensible- mirror that masked man and hold Major Yeom at gunpoint. Major Yeom groaned as the muzzle of your gun buried painfully in his temple but you ignored it and glared at the man, trying not to meet eyes with San.

“So you’re the one who’s been ordering Major Yeom around, huh?” You asked. “Let go of Major Choi and I’ll let go of your man.”

The man’s deep laugh echoed through the passage. “Not that simple. You will obey every order I give you or else your Major Choi won’t live to see the sunrise.”

Something shattered in you at that moment as you recalled San’s words- “I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you”. You finally dared to look at San, now rid of his helmet with a few bruises across his face. He shook his head subtly as if to say ‘do what you’re being told’ but you remained frozen in your spot.

“Take off your helmet. Let me see who you are,” the man ordered. You kept ahold of Major Yeom and removed your helmet, your jaw clenched painfully. You aimed the gun back at the Major and the man shook his head. 

“Drop your weapon and step away from him, Major Seo.”

Once again, you were surprised- just who was he? He must have seen the confusion on your face and he finally removed his mask-

It was Major Lee.

“Why?” was all you could ask. Major Lee only shook his head.

“You will not understand how it is like to be abandoned by your own people. And for what? For nothing,” he tsk-ed. “Do you remember that mission, Major? Do you remember how we marched into the enemy territory because we were going to retrieve stolen data? There was no stolen data,-”

“Major Lee, please listen to me,” you pleaded. “We’re soldiers. We obey orders. It is not our duty to question it- we’re only given orders. We don’t even know what we retrieve, you may be right, but… if you have a problem with it, you should take it to the Headquarters or I don’t know… the General, the higher-ups, anyone but us. So please let go of Major Choi, at least. Your fight is not with us.”

“You will let go of Major Yeom and step back,” his voice was cold and you shut your eyes in defeat. “And then I will decide what to do with Major Choi.”

“Major Lee-”

“Now!” He hit San with the grip of his gun on his forehead, instantly making you drop your gun with an ‘okay, okay!’ and you took a few steps back until Major Lee grunted in approval. “Kneel and face backwards.”

“Please let go of Major Choi-”

“Don’t make me do something you will regret,” he warned. “I will let go of him, but not right now. Kneel and face backwards- and you will count 100 seconds before you take one step. If I hear you, he dies, understood?”

You nodded through tears, looking at San once who only passed you a reassuring smile. You did as you were told and counted 1, hearing the footsteps fade and by the time you counted to 100, you had stopped sobbing and instead, anger- hot, boiling hot anger clouded all sense of rationality. You stood up and grabbed your gun and began running towards where they had taken Major Choi, praying he was okay all the while. But you reached the end of the passage which exited near the Right Wing and found no signs of Major Yeom and Major Lee. 

No signs of Choi San.

You took a deep breath, surveying the area- you could hear the sounds of a fight to your left so you reckoned Major Lee must have avoided that and gone in the opposite direction. You started marching to your right, taking out the radio that connected you to Sergeant Kim.

“Alpha, this is Echo, please respond. Alpha?”

You continued treading along the building for a few seconds which was when your radio sounded. “Alpha responding.”

“The mole and the rat have escaped with Charlie. I am going to retrieve Charlie. Awaiting no further orders.”

“Echo, halt where you are. I will join you-”

“I do not have the time, Sergeant,” you seethed into the radio, ditching all formalities. “They took him, okay? Major Lee took him and he feels betrayed by all of us. I don’t know what he will do to him, I need to save him.”

There was a few seconds of silence and you spotted movement towards the gate- two or three figures. It had to be them. You started running towards them, hearing the sound of a jeep in the distance and you ran faster, trying to make it in time but you would never make it- you took off the sniper from your shoulder and started shooting towards the men getting in the car but it was no use- you were too far away. The jeep took off, leaving you all alone in the middle of the abandoned post and you fell to your knees, trying to control your unsteady breathing and shake off the ringing in your ears realising later that Sergeant Kim was repeatedly calling your name into the radio.

“They got away,” you breathed, unable to control your sobs this time. “They’ve taken him.”

“Where are you?”

“The abandoned post,” you looked around. “I need to go-”

“Stay where you are,” he ordered. “I’m coming to get you. The fight is almost over anyway.”

You buried your head in your arms as you knelt on the ground, your mind already hyperfunctioning as it planned all possible routes they could have taken, all possible spots they could be going to. All you knew was you would have to go to Eden all alone and retrieve him at all costs. But you couldn’t help the fear and the dread, because something like this had never happened- not to him, at least. You had been taken by force once and San had disobeyed all orders and marched into the enemy territory to retrieve you-

And you would do the same for him. 

You did not realise how long you spent kneeling and planning through the utter pain of processing just what happened and the fear for San’s life when you heard a number of footsteps and you finally looked up to see not only Sergeant Kim but Major CJ and Major Yu.

“Oh, dear,” Major Yu shook her head at your state and knelt down, enveloping you in a hug. “It’s going to be okay. We will go back for him, okay?”

You nodded, breaking away and looking at Sergeant Kim who looked like he could pass out right there. “It’s Major Lee- I spotted his tattoo too, on the wrist. He’s the one who’s been sabotaging our missions, and I don’t know what he’s planning to do now. He said something about how our missions are baseless or something, I don’t know,” you sighed. “He has a problem with how things are being run. And now he’s taking it out on us.”

“I have a problem with how things are run here too,” Sergeant Kim sounded pissed. “But that does not mean I betray my people and side with the enemy for some petty revenge- even if something happens. We will go back for Major Choi, okay? But first you need to come back and plan-”

“I have no time to waste,” you shook your head fiercely. “You can join me later or not at all, for all I care, but I am leaving right now. I just need more weapons and I’m good-”

“Major Seo-”

“I cannot let anything happen to him!” You almost shouted, looking at Major Yu or Major CJ for help- surely they understood. “I finally, finally learned to live with myself and learned to function like a normal human being, I…” you breathed. “You know me, Sergeant. You know that I cannot live without him- I- “ you laughed at the irony of the situation. “I swore to never be like my mother but here I am.”

Major CJ turned as if to process what was happening and realisation dawned on Major Yu’s face. Sergeant Kim knelt down next to you. “You’re the strongest person I know here, Major. But please, think with your head for once. Come back with me, gear up properly, plan this and then leave-”

“You can do all of that and join me later,” you gave the final verdict. “I am leaving right now- keep me updated on the radio. And give me all of your bullets and weapons, dammit.”

Major CJ sighed. “Let me come with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

Sergeant Kim groaned. “You think I don’t want to save him? I have to follow protocol- I cannot allow two of you to disappear-”

“It doesn’t matter anymore- someone needs to keep her grounded, and I can do that,” Major CJ offered you a hand and you smiled, taking it. “You can both give us your weapons and go back to the base, prepare and follow us right after. It shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

Sergeant Kim considered for a few seconds before finally giving in, taking out his guns and daggers and Major Yu did the same. You both docked yourselves up and made sure everything was working.

“This is the last time I’m allowing this,” Sergeant Kim warned and you rolled your eyes. “Bring that brat back. And both of you… don’t get hurt. That is an order- come back alive.”

“Yes, Sergeant!” You both saluted and he told you both to hurry on, calling in the radio to order a car for you two. You looked ahead at the horizon, the sky already starting to lighten.

You prayed you would watch the sunrise once again and got in the car.

—---------------------------

Major CJ was proving to be quite the strategist. He was keeping the mood light, probably because you appeared tense enough to make up for him too, and you had to stop and appreciate him at one point, which he just shyly dismissed.

“I really don’t think a defected soldier will have much influence around there, so if they allowed Major Lee in the enemy base in Sector 1… that’s the only place he might go if he’s still working with them. Even if he’s not, Sector 1 is a pretty good place to start-”

“Stop calling him ‘Major’,” you growled. “Call him the motherfu-”

“-until we get some visual or locate Major Choi by some miracle,” Major CJ finished saying. “And stop being angry- it’s only going to cloud your decisions.”

“Oh no, not me,” you scoffed. “Anger fuels me and keeps me alive.”

“Whatever helps you,” Major CJ passed you a weird look.

You were both in Sector 1 now, going through the connected passages just like you had on your previous mission here. You could spot the enemy base now and you prayed Major CJ’s instinct was correct- San had to be there. 

“Do you think we should negotiate with Major Lee or just… go berserk?” Major CJ asked and when the radio responded before you, you realised he had asked the Sergeant too.

“Let Major Seo do whatever she wishes,” the Sergeant sighed loudly. “I’ll leave my post once she’s back. She should be the Sergeant since she can make all her decisions herself now-”

“Oh, please, I would not have waited for you back there if that was the case,” you muttered. “Don’t fuel me any further right now, Captain.”

“Whatever. Try to negotiate first and see if you can get him to come back.”

“Permission to shoot otherwise? If things don’t look bright?”

“In case he tries to harm any of you, permission to shoot is granted,” Sergeant Park’s voice sounded. “For Major Yeom too. He is a defected soldier- his case must be handled differently from Major Lee because we thought him dead.”

“Copy that,” Major CJ responded. “Stepping within a 2 mile radius into the enemy base… now.”

You took the lead, Major CJ providing cover and you couldn’t help but be reminded of San. Gritting your teeth and steeling your nerves, you loaded your guns and went into stealth mode-

And all hell went loose.

Major CJ was strong in every sense- he naturally took the lead as you eliminated guard after guard, forcing your way inside through a back door. And unsurprisingly, Major CJ was depending on his fists more in close combat and you would finish it off with bullets. You wondered if you two were syncing better because you were both fueled with the same purpose- to retrieve Major Choi.

“To the basement,” you motioned towards the stairs. “They keep the hostages there unless they’re being questioned.”

“They should have changed locations by now,” Major CJ flexed his arms, having suffocated one of the soldiers. “If Major Lee is in there… he’s pretty fucking stupid.”

You grinned, covering for him as you both went downstairs, this time shelling the guards first before gunning them down. You told Major CJ to hold his own while you checked the rooms, finding one empty room after another-

Nothing. He wasn’t in the basement.

With pure adrenaline fuelling you now, you lead Major CJ upstairs to the same level you had found Agent Oscar on, shooting in succession at anyone who dared to cross your path, not caring if you hit a vital spot anymore- they had done enough damage tonight too. You hurried along the corridor towards the rooms at the end and spotted San tied to a chair, his head hanging down. You almost stepped inside the room but paused-

There had to be someone else in the room.

You glanced at Major CJ and nodded before pushing the door open with your foot and as soon as you spotted movement against the wall, you pointed your gun in that direction and shot at the lower region, successfully hitting Major Yeom in the thigh who shot reflexively at you in return but he was slower- you kicked his gun away and held him at gunpoint once again.

“That was quick,” he seethed through the pain.

“You took my partner, of course I was quick,” you hit his head with the grip of your gun, making him groan louder. “Where’s that bastard?”

“He knew you would come here,” Major Yeom spat. “He’s got plans for you-”

“Oh no, he hasn’t,” you grinned. “Major Lee got some abandonment issues, huh? He must have thought no one would come back for Major Choi. But did he ever think our squads would retaliate against his actions? Your colleagues will be joining soon, Major.”

Major Yeom paled. “They wouldn’t have allowed you to-”

“That’s the thing- Major Lee made it pretty clear what he was expecting, and all we had to do was the opposite. Sergeant Park is not pleased at two of his members defecting. You do know how he gets when he’s angry, right? He’s on his way here right now, so I’ll let him take care of you.”

Major CJ joined and told you that the rest of the members were already here. You allowed yourself to relax while he took care of Major Yeom and you walked to San, untying the ropes on his wrists and kissing his knuckles.

“Major Choi. Can you hear me?”

He did not respond. You figured he must have been drugged to unconsciousness. You held his face, tucking his hair back and examining the bruises there and then the rest of his body- at least he was unharmed. You bent down and with the help of Major CJ, you propped his body on your back, deciding to carry him out while Major CJ provided cover. A sense of relief started to wash over you as you made your way out, your members and Squad 6’s members passing smiles because as Sergeant Kim said when he joined you on this mission, some protocols really needed to change. It was high time and considering how Major Lee felt about his situation and Major Yeom joined him, they must have felt abandoned- perhaps for the right reasons. You had often felt that too, though you were lucky enough to have San as your partner who always had your back and broke protocols and disobeyed orders again and again for you. And the thought scared you- that if not for him, you might have turned into Major Lee too.

You exited the base and hopped into the car waiting for you, Major CJ helping you lay him down across the seat and you checked San’s pulse and monitored his breathing- he was okay. 

Major CJ said he was going to help the rest and left you and San alone in the car. The adrenaline started to wear off and with trembling hands, you examined the rest of his body for any signs of injuries, finding none and relaxing once again, resting your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat while you waited for him to wake up. You shut your eyes, not sure if the sound in your ears was the sound of San’s heart or your own. 

You didn’t realise how tired you were until you felt a hand caress your head, tucking your hair behind your ears. You found yourself unable to open your eyes, a stream of fresh tears falling down on San’s jacket. His warm fingers wiped the tears away, caressing your cheek softly. 

“Won’t you look at me?”

You only buried your face in his chest, silently crying. San let you be for a few moments before he couldn’t take it anymore and nudged you to face him, seating himself up. You finally opened your eyes and let out a relieved laugh. San smiled in response, wiping your face with his sleeve. 

“You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you cry.”

“I’m crying because of you,” you said, sniffing. “Do you have any idea how scared I was?”

“I’m sorry,” he kissed your forehead, lingering. “I’m so sorry-”

“No, it’s not your fault,” you told him, cupping his face. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay, so glad,” you said, pecking his lips. “I was so scared-”

San captured your mouth in a kiss as a form of an apology and you took it, letting his hand guide you as he deepened the kiss. You fisted his shirt in one hand, the other finding his and intertwining with it. San broke away, your breaths lingering and you reached in to hug him, burying your face in the crook of his neck- your favourite spot. San caressed your back, holding you as close as he could. 

“You came back for me, huh?” San shook his head at the insanity of it. “Do you realise just what you did? Did you march here alone?”

“I almost did, but CJ joined and then the rest did- even Squad 6,” you told him, breaking away so you could look at him. “Captain wouldn’t let me go alone.”

“He’s always like this,” San laughed. “But you- you shouldn’t have been so reckless-”

“Says who? At least I had the others join later. You marched into enemy base alone to get me back 3 years ago-”

“That was different-”

“Yes, but that was more reckless,” you slapped his arm. “And anyways, I would have done this for you. You know I would have come for you. It’s a miracle I found you this quick.”

San caressed your face. “Even if we were not… like this?”

“We’ve always been in love, though,” you said and San caught your confession in it. “And I have realised now… love is supposed to be a strength, not a weakness.”

San glanced outside, the sky glowing a beautiful pastel now and spotted the Sergeants collecting their members and arresting Major Lee and Major Yeom. When you counted the rest of your members, all safe and sound, you relaxed into San’s arms. The enemy was stupid to attack your base- of course you would have retaliated. San kissed your forehead. “We lived to see the sunrise yet again.”

“I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you too,” you said and San smiled. You sealed that promise with a kiss.

To a better future. 

[golden-rolling-hills]

More Autistic Pony and Darry Headcanons

these took me a few days but here y’all go

*scatters headcanons likes they’re birdseed and runs away*

Pony has literally no sense of danger, bro ran into a burning church for christ sake he doesn’t understand danger at all. this scares the fuck out of Darry and Soda

Pony is a chewer, he has a chewy necklace that he uses when he’s at home but at school he literally devours the ends of pens like om nom nom

Pony is much more prone to meltdowns than Darry and he can get pretty aggressive during them. his stims when he’s upset are very self-injurious but if Darry or Soda did something to cause him to meltdown he will hit them

Darry was the kind of kid to heavily mask all day at school and break down as soon as he got home

he’s very routine oriented and if his schedule and routine get messed up then he doesn’t know how to cope

his meltdowns look a lot different than Pony’s. Pony’s are much more stereotypical autistic meltdowns but Darry’s are more yelling at people and stomping around. he’ll usually go off to his room alone and let himself cry and stim but he doesn’t let other people see him like that unless he’s so upset that he can’t hold it in

Pony had the worse sensory issues out of the two of them, he hates tags and seams but he especially hates long sleeves, this is why he cuts the sleeves off of all his hand me downs

he actually likes that most of his clothes are hand me downs because that means they’re already soft and broken in

Darry is the most literal thinker in the world, he can’t understand metaphors or analogies or sarcasm like at all, Pony doesn’t struggle with this as much though and it makes Darry lowkey upset

Pony has a really hard time with routine and time management. he needs to be guided through getting ready for school everyday or else he would just show up late and still in his pajamas

Pony has absolutely zero filter. he says every single thought he has out loud. his social skills are so unbelievably non existent. he really struggles with making friends and the only real actual friend he’s ever had is Johnny

Darry has always masked his autism a lot and he was actually pretty popular in school. if he wasn’t so handsome and athletic then his awkwardness probably wouldn’t have been as well received but since he was then people found his quirks charming and endearing

Pony is very particular about food, he likes to eat the same exact things every day and he’d rather starve than try something new

Darry definitely has alexythmia, he has no clue how he’s feeling ever and emotions make no sense to him

Pony and Darry were diagnosed in the same year, pony was 2 and darry was 8. Pony’s pediatrician noticed signs in him early has referred him to a specialist to be diagnosed and after going through the diagnosis process with pony, the Curtis parents were like “wait, hold up a minute. this all sounds like it applies to Darry too.” so they had him assessed too.

after a meltdown, Pony just wants to be cuddled. he loves deep pressure so tight hugs and weighted blankets are his best friends. Soda is always his go to for a good bear hug, not just because he’s his brother but also because Soda is the master of hugs

Pony always has his headphones on, he’s usually listening to music but even when he’s not he doesn’t take them off

Soda is not the token neurotypical sibling though, he canonically had the most textbook case of ADHD that i’ve ever seen, argue with a wall

[sundrop-writes]

Push and Pull

Emily Prentiss x Fem!Reader

Summary:

While playing games with Viper, Emily (accidentally) plays on your attraction to her - something you had been trying to hide since you started with the BAU. The results end up being more than interesting.

Emily Prentiss x Fem!Reader - Co-Workers to Lovers. Smut, Sexual Tension.

Word Count: 2,800 words

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

THIS IS A RE-POST. This is a fic from my old blog (a blog that was shadowbanned, forcing me to move). This fic is not stolen, it is completely mine, and I am just re-posting it to help people find my new blog, and to make my masterlist complete when I post new fics for this fandom.

Detailed warnings and author’s notes below the cut.

Warnings: smut; this is set during Season 4, Episode 9 (52 Pickup) and there is a lot of references to the episode in this, but I think you could read this without having seen the episode; mentions of typically sexist practices - in the form of ‘pickup artistry’: the reader character replaces Jordan Todd on the team; there is an age gap between Emily and the reader - Emily is older and the reader character is younger; the reader character uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina; mention of the reader wearing a dress and makeup; the reader has sexual fantasies about Emily - which include: pussy eating, fingering, rough sex, semi public sex, being called 'naughty girl’; most of the sex acts are in fantasies (this fic is mostly tension and build up and sexually adjacent situations rather than actual sex); masturbation (the reader masturbates); mentions of masturbation being unsatisfying or not feeling 'as good’ as having sex with the desired partner; caught masturbating - Emily walks in on the reader; Emily refers to herself as 'Mama’ (once); rough kissing, Emily gropes the reader through clothing, very light choking (from Emily toward the reader) (Emily puts her hand on the reader’s neck and applies pressure for a few seconds to get her attention), Emily calls the reader 'needy little thing’ (in this case the word 'little’ is meant to be condescending and not a description of size); undertones of degradation kink; I believe that is everything.

A/N: This was based on a request, and the original request mentioned fake dating (and I would love to do that trope with Emily), but I couldn’t stop thinking about how stunning and gorgeous Emily looks in this episode, and I thought it would be interesting to use it. Also the idea of a man basing his pickup techniques on women needing male validation when - hey, what kind of women wouldn’t want or need male validation? A woman who is obsessed with the other gorgeous woman at the table. It was such a fun scenario to write about. I definitely wanna write more Emily fics in the future.

...

At first, you really weren’t looking forward to it. 

Though it seemed fun in concept - having an excuse to dress up and go out to a club while on the job - Emily assured you that it was going to be miserable. 

The way Emily talked about the man - Viper. She almost made him sound worse than some of the confirmed killers you had dealt with during your short time at the BAU. She said that he was the scum of the earth, a waste of oxygen, that made her feel dirty just by giving her a weird look. She joked that she was ‘dragging you along’ because she didn’t want to suffer alone (that, and she needed backup, in case the guy truly was dangerous). 

From the way she talked about it, you thought the night was going to be miserable. 

You certainly didn’t expect it to be one of the best nights of your life. 

Viper frequented bars and nightclubs. So of course, nightclub appropriate attire was required. You rushed to a store and grabbed the first tight dress you could find (a red one with spaghetti straps that would pair well with a pair of modest black heels you already had in your bag for the job). You didn’t expect to come back and see Emily getting changed into a clingy black dress that fit her like sin, her makeup subtle but smokey. 

You had been actively suppressing your attraction to her, a gorgeous older woman, since you had joined the BAU a month ago. You told yourself that you could keep your lustful feelings under control because you would only be there temporarily, to replace their usual media liaison - who was on maternity leave. But seeing her dressed up like this, it certainly didn’t help with that suppression. 

Things only got worse when you got to the club and Viper descended upon the two of you. (You quietly whispered to Emily that his name should have been Vulture and the soft laughter she let out had your insides fluttering.) 

Turns out, Emily had been paying extra attention to the ‘push and pull’ technique that Reid had talked about. And even though you knew that it was just in the name of messing with the cocky man - you fell hook, line, and sinker for Emily’s combatants of this technique. 

See, rather than letting him push and pull the two of you - compliment one of you and leave the other one reeling for validation, Emily complimented you herself. She never let Viper leave room for you to need that validation. Not that you would ever need it from someone like him. But she certainly threw him off with this tactic. 

She supported you, focused far more of her attention on you than she did on him. The two of you never fell to the traditional ‘women in constant competition’ market that his techniques were built on. If she put far more of her focus on you and actively ignored him (or even not-so-subtly insulted him), then what could he do? 

Women not vying for his attention? It was a curveball for the ages. 

Clearly, he had no backup plan. He was struggling to keep up. 

If he called your dress cheap, Emily said how well the fabric complimented your amazing body. If he said your mascara was clumpy and poorly done, Emily said your eyes were naturally beautiful and shined bright without makeup anyway. 

The more annoyed it seemed to make him, the more she fawned over you. 

And it left you staring at her all night. Captivated by her beauty, her silky voice. You barely even knew that he was there as she laughed at him, engaged in his silly games, taunted him. 

By the time you left the club, you were almost high on the affection Emily had given you. 

The rest seemed to go by in a blur. The real killer was caught at a different club, and the team retired back to their hotel to get some rest before returning home. As you and Emily walked back to your shared room, you were still laughing and joking about the pathetic man who somehow made his living off of scamming men more pathetic than him. 

“And did - did you see the look on his face when I said ‘you probably go home alone, don’t you?’ - Like he - he couldn’t believe that I wasn’t falling for his BS,” Emily said, stuttering through her words as hardy laughter disrupted her speech. 

“It’s like he’s never met a confident woman in his life.” You replied, a delicate chuckle in your voice. 

It was a subtle compliment toward Emily, admiring her confidence in how well she had dealt with the scummy, overly cocky man. 

“No, not quite.” Emily sighed, using the keycard to open the hotel room door. 

Your insides fluttered even more when she held the door open for you. You couldn’t help but enjoy the domestic feeling behind it as you brushed past her body in order to get inside. 

Of course, she wasn’t even paying attention to the dreamy, starstruck look on your face as she continued speaking. 

“He’s never approached a confident woman before.” She quickly corrected, letting the door fall shut and click locked behind her. “He’s never approached a woman he thought he couldn’t con.” 

“And for some reason he dared you to ‘meet him on his turf’?” You questioned, repeating the words she had told you, when ranting about the previous interaction she had with the awful man. “You, of all people?” 

You had to wonder what about Emily Prentiss would come off as even slightly insecure or - what about her said that she would fall for his stupid tricks. In your opinion, it was like trying to outrun a cheetah using a tricycle. 

“Yeah, I guess he was counting on me being drunk and blinded by all his guyliner.” Emily joked, tossing her bag down onto one of the twin beds. 

You collapsed down onto the other bed with intense laughter. The joke itself was funny, but her delivery, her confidence, and her smile caused a spark through you that forced you to laugh off the tension before you jumped her bones. You had to be professional. You had to keep reminding yourself of that. 

“I call the bathroom first.” She announced. “I really need a shower after being drowned in Drakkar Noir all night.” 

You had to ignore the dryness in your throat and the heat between your thighs at the thought of her in the shower. Previously, it was something your mind could have easily glossed over, but after she spent the night fawning over you and capturing your attention completely, it was like you were a horny teenager again. Now all you could think about was her completely naked, droplets of hot water rolling across her skin, surrounded by steam. 

You had to pull yourself together. You had to be professional, for fuck’s sake. 

“But of course.” You told her, giving a smile and a nod. You motioned toward the bathroom, as if presenting it to her in a gentlemanly fashion. “I’ll probably just shower in the morning.” 

Emily nodded in acknowledgement of this, and there was no further conversation. 

This left your mind reeling, your body entirely tense and hyper aware of her every movement as she got ready. You had to busy yourself with grabbing your pajamas out of your own bag - an oversized X-Files tee shirt and a pair of comfortable cotton shorts - while she grabbed her toiletries bag and went into the bathroom. 

The water turned on and you tried your hardest not to think about her undressing and stepping under the stream as you changed into your pjs. You tried your hardest not to think about her tight, fit body relaxing under the steam. You tried your hardest not to think about soft bubbles rolling across her soft, pale skin. 

Clearly, you were failing. Failing not to think about her. Failing miserably when it came to suppressing your attraction for her. 

By the time you climbed into bed, there was a hard, hot pain between your thighs. 

You wanted so badly to simply roll over and go to sleep. You wanted to ignore it. But a very large part of you worried that if you didn’t ‘take care’ of that nagging arousal, then you wouldn’t be able to sleep. And if you didn’t sleep and you rolled into the next day with this attraction to Emily still at the forefront of your mind - then you wouldn’t be able to act normal around her for the travel day home tomorrow. You might say or do something stupid. 

You had to do something. 

The longer you laid there in bed, unconsciously squeezing your thighs together, feeling your pussy throbbing between them - thinking about Emily’s head being trapped between your legs - the more it bothered you. 

You had some time while she was in the shower, right? You could be quick. Of course you could. And if you heard the water turn off, you would simply stop. 

Before any true logic could catch up between your ears, a hand was sneaking below the waistband of your shorts. That hand easily went inside your underwear and found a natural place on your throbbing clit. You dipped down into your wetness (leaking out of you abundantly from how much you had been thinking about Emily) and slicked up the hot button before you began rubbing it in hard circles. You were determined to cum quickly and be done with it. 

You closed your eyes and tiled your head back against the pillow, your mind drifting back to her once again. You couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect she looked in that ruby lipstick. All night, you had felt jealous of the glass when she brought her drink up to her lips. 

You imagined her approaching you at a bar. 

You would be out by yourself, and she would see you from across the room. So entirely confident, she would see you and in a moment, know that she could have you. 

She would come up behind you, whisper sweetly in your ear, telling you how perfect you looked. She would smirk at your initial shyness when you giggled at the compliment. She would tell you that she couldn’t wait to get you home - that she wanted you and she wanted you now. 

So she would pull you into a bathroom, pinning you against a counter. And then she would shove her hand under your dress, only to find that you weren’t wearing any panties, just for her. She would scold you, call you a naughty girl. Her voice so sweet and condescending, only making you wetter. And then she would shove her fingers into your slick cunt and shove her other hand over your mouth, trying in vain to keep your whorish moans from being heard as you begged for her. 

“Emily, please,” You couldn’t stop the faint, needy moan that escaped you as you got lost in the fantasy. 

Of course, so lost in it, that you didn’t hear the shower turning off. 

Your pussy ached, leaking freely into your underwear, and your clit throbbed, emanating a needy pain out through your pelvis. You worked your fingers in more frantic circles, doubling down. Your hips canted up off the bed, knocking the covers off you slightly as dull pleasure radiated out across your hips. 

(Dull compared to what Emily would have given you, you were sure.) 

Even if it was unsatisfactory, you were close. 

“Emily-!” You cried out desperately, right on the edge of orgasm. 

“Hey, do you have some makeup remover I can borrow? I forgot-” 

Shock cascaded through your system and you instantly stilled your movements. This caused your orgasm to become a low hum in your pelvis once again as your eyes shot open in disbelief. 

Your gaze locked onto Emily where she stood in the bathroom doorway. Your insides were still with shock - embarrassment or any other emotion hadn’t even caught up yet. 

Steam ploomed around her and she was forced to hold up the hotel towel with one hand as it couldn’t fully wrap around her body, leaving a sliver of her skin exposed from her armpit to her knee - the curve of her breast, her waist, and her hip on full display. With her hair soaked and her bangs slicked back from her face, and true to what she had said, her makeup still on but slightly smudged from the shower - she looked utterly delicious. 

She was like a pornographic dream, live in front of you. 

You let out a quiet whimper at the sight. 

It was only then that your brain began to unfreeze from the shock, and you realized how truly incriminating you looked. The covers pooled around your thighs, your hand quite visibly inside your shorts, your face contorted with pleasure as your eyes scanned over her half naked body. You rushed to rip your hand out of your underwear - and you realized the sight wasn’t much better as your fingers glistened in the light. 

Emily’s eyes moved from your glistening fingers to your stiff, nervous body, your thighs still parted (as it would be too uncomfortable to clamp them down on your wet underwear and aching cunt). She smirked at you. She looked at you with the same devious, cocky expression that Viper had started out the night with - before she had taken him down notch by notch. 

The look alone caused any apology to be stuck in your throat. You waited for her to speak before you made any moves. 

“What were you thinking about?” She asked, her voice breathy, soft, yet entirely commanding. 

In that moment, caught in the smoldering gate of her eyes, you could find nothing but honesty pounding inside of your chest. 

“You.” You whined quietly. 

Emily chuckled gently. 

Your stomach twisted with embarrassment for the split second that you thought she might be laughing at you. But then you realized that it was, in fact, a sound of satisfaction. 

That realization hit you when she dropped the towel completely. She stood in front of you proudly, showing off all of her naked, wet glory. Her dark nipples pebbling in the air, the damp sheen of water making her skin glow like a dewy goddess. Quite obviously, she wanted you to look.

Your eyes traced a few thick droplets of water as they escaped her hair and ran down her body. You became absolutely mesmerized by the way gravity pulled the water over her collarbones, the teardrop curve of her breasts, the plushness of her stomach, across her pelvis, down her thighs. You imagined yourself tracing over those exact lines with your tongue. 

“Come to me.” 

Her silken voice snapped you out of your trance. Your eyes shot back up to her face once again, and in the sluggish moment that it took the words to get to your brain, she added something onto the command that absolutely knocked the wind out of you. 

“Come on. Come to Mama.” 

Her calling herself that name, so self assured, so certain - the phrase almost had you down on all fours, crawling to her like a dog. 

But instead, you scrambled to get upright and practically ran across the room to her on shaking legs. Entirely eager, you stood in front of her and leaned in to press your mouth against hers. Naturally, you expected that the interaction would start with a kiss. 

But she quickly reached up and stopped you with a hand on the side of your neck. You let out a harsh whimper of disappointment - one that quickly turned into a moan when she pressed her thumb into your windpipe with just enough pressure to make your brain go fuzzy. 

She was showing you who was in charge. 

“Not so fast,” She told you, her breath cascading against your lips now. 

Although she was completely naked and you were clothed, it was very apparent that she was the one in complete control. 

“Tell me how badly you want it.” She ordered, her voice low and almost gentle - a soft domineering that caused the hairs on your arms to stand up straight. 

“I want it so badly,” You easily replied, your voice intensely needy. “I need it. I need you, Em.” 

Emily reached up with her other hand and - with no warning - harshly gripped your pussy through your underwear and shorts. This caused sharp shocks of arousal to flow through you, making you moan out weakly. It was a dizzying euphoria that had you bucking into her hand. You almost came from that single touch alone. 

“Needy little thing.” She purred. “I am gonna have so much fun with you.” 

This was her last verbal sentiment before she pulled you forward by that hand on your neck and silenced any further moans with a bruising kiss.

...

A/N: This is a standalone oneshot, so there will not be a sequel or a continuation of it. If you enjoyed the fic, please comment about the body of work that has been written here. And if you like my writing style, please check out my Criminal Minds Masterlist or my other Masterlists for other fandoms.

[starsinthesky5]

you belong with me IV part 1 || joe burrow x reader

description: you and joe attend your sister's wedding together and relish the blissfulness that a new relationship brings

a/n: whew this one is longggg. and this is after splitting it up so the original version was going to be even longer 😭 anyway, hope you all enjoy it ;) this also features a flashback requested by @joeys-babe! ilysm girly💕 also, there may be a few faint fearless album references here and there (told you that these two reminded me of that album's love songs)

part 2 will be out next week!

word count: 19 k

warnings: smut, language, slight angst? 

you belong with me masterlist (parts 1-3 located here)

—————————————————————

January 3rd

You finished applying the last bit of lip gloss to your lips before stepping back from the mirror, straightening out the strappy-silky blush pink dress that hugged your body in all the best ways possible and the high slit showing just enough leg. Your hair was curled and clipped back with two pieces hanging in the front and your gold jewelry glistened in the warm light of the bathroom, specifically the ring on your left hand which was a permanent & constant reminder of the person in your life that meant the most to you. 

“Y/N, you look amazing,” your sister said from behind you, interrupting your daze.

You turned around, your sister standing behind you in her robe, her hair done up in her ‘wedding look’, with two glasses of champagne in her hand. 

“Thanks, Kay,” you smiled as you walked over to her, grabbing the champagne glass she was offering you and taking a good sip to hopefully take the edge off and cool down your brain that was operating at 100 miles per hour because of the fact that it was Wedding Day.

“I see you went with gold jewelry per my suggestion,” she gloated as she looked at your earrings, your necklace, the bracelets on your wrist, her eyes stopping at the ring on your left hand (which was the only ring you were wearing). 

“Hm, that’s new,” she said as she grabbed your hand and pulled it up to her face. You froze as she examined the ring, the ring Joe had given to you in December. 

“Yeah. I, um, got it at an antique shop a few weeks ago,” you lied as you took another sip of champagne. 

“Really? It looks so authentic. I’ve never seen such real-looking fake diamonds and jewels,” she said as she studied the ring. 

Before she could ask any other questions and you blabbed about who the ring was actually from, you quickly changed the topic. “Shouldn’t you be getting your makeup done right now?” you asked as you looked over at the clock. 

“She’s almost done with Veronica and then I’ll go out,” she smiled as she let go of your hand and reached up to tuck in a flyaway hair on the top of your head. 

“Thanks,” you nodded as you started to take another sip of your champagne. 

“Of course,” she nodded. “I have to make sure you look perfect for Joe,”. 

You nearly choked on your drink, your eyes widening in shock as your brain registered what your sister was suggesting. 

You hadn’t told your family about the two of you yet, you were practically a secret. You wanted to tell everyone, but the two of you also wanted to enjoy this for a little bit without it being out in the world. But you were also playing a risky game, one tiny slip-up from you and your sister would be cracking the case she had been trying to break open for years.

“W- What?” you coughed.

“Relax, Y/N,” she said while rubbing your arm. “I was just messing with you,”.

“R- Right,” you coughed again. 

“But you did bring him as your date, no surprise there though,” she smirked, your eyes rolling at her relentless attitude. “Just like how he brought you with him to that Christmas party last month. You sure you don’t have anything to tell me,” she warily asked you. 

“Nope,” you voiced, remaining calm and collected so that you wouldn’t give it away. 

“God, when are you going to make a move? You guys aren’t getting any younger,” she asked, playfully shoving your shoulder.

Little did she know, you already did. You already made a lot of moves.  

“Kay, we’re just friends. I’ve told you that many many many times,” you lied, attempting to hide the growing blush on your cheeks by walking out of the bathroom, Kaylee following you back into the bridal suite. 

“Actions speak louder than words,” she teased as she walked over to the now-empty makeup station and sat down on the comfy chair. 

You shook your head while turning around and walking over to the dining table, walking past the other bridesmaids who were trying on different shoes to pair with their dresses.

“I can’t believe Joe Burrow is here,” you overheard your sister's friend Veronica say to the other girls. 

Your heart skipped a beat when you overheard his name being mentioned, your face heating up at the nature of the conversation.

“Shhh, he’s Y/N’s date,” her other friend Lacy said as she glanced over at you.

“So? From what I’ve heard they’re just good friends and if she’s not going to go for it, then who’s stopping me?” Veronica laughed. “I mean, have you seen Joe? Give me 5 minutes with him alone and he’ll be stuck to my side,”. 

“Yeah, but that’s still her best friend and she brought him as her date. Besides, don’t you ever see the stuff online about how none of his girls seem to stick around? And then don’t you see the stuff online about how people think Y/N and him have something going on which is why he doesn’t really have a girlfriend,” Lacy attempted to whisper but was doing terribly. 

“Who cares? If she really likes him, she’s doing a terrible job at showing it because as far as I see, he’s still on the market,” Veronica said with a grin. 

You rolled your eyes again because of how childish it all sounded. You wanted to say something to them, defending your relationship and getting them to back off but how could you defend a relationship that people didn’t even know was a relationship yet? You felt like a teenager, hiding her first boyfriend from her family and friends and sneaking around like you had something scandalous to hide.

“Whatever,” you whispered as you placed your champagne glass down on the dining table. You reached for a chocolate cupcake but were interrupted by a knock at the front door, nobody noticed but you. 

“I got it,” you said aloud to everyone, nobody listening as your sister was wrapped up in a conversation with the makeup artist, and the other girls were busy trying on their shoes and talking about your boyfriend. “Okay,” you sighed as you walked over to the door of the suite. 

You opened the door, your eyes staring at the shoes of the person standing in front of you, slowly moving up their body as you met their face. 

“You look gorgeous,” Joe said, a cheeky grin on his face as he stuffed his hands in his pants pockets, his eyes moving from your toned legs, to your perfect hips, and up to your beautiful face.  

“Joe,” you gasped as you stepped out into the hallway with him, closing the door behind you. “What’re you doing up here,” you asked him as you took in how handsome he looked in his suit, the urge to pull him into one of the rooms by his tie incredibly strong. 

“I came to see my stunning girlfriend,” he smiled as he backed you up to the wall. 

You blushed when you felt his hand brush against your waist, “If Kaylee catches us out here-,”.

“We’ll be fine,” he said as he grabbed your hand, toying with the ring on your finger. “I just wanted to see you for a few minutes before the ceremony,”.

“Oh yeah?” you beamed as you ran your hands up his suit jacket to his broad shoulders. 

“How’s it going in there? You guys at each other's throats yet?” he asked, knowing how you felt about some of your sister's friends. 

“Well, Veronica was going on about how she apparently needs 5 minutes alone with you to get you stuck to her side,” you said, rolling your eyes as Joe’s mouth dropped. 

“No way,” he said.

“Yes, way. Future Mrs. Burrow is probably in there talking about baby names right now,” you teased, Joe clearly not liking the joke as he wasn’t laughing like you were. 

“Please, the real future Mrs. Burrow is standing right in front of me,” he said, giving your waist a gentle squeeze as he gazed deeply into your eyes. You felt your heartbeat pick up, his touch sending shivers throughout your body much like the words that came out of his mouth. 

“It doesn’t bother me. She’ll figure it out at some point,” you smiled confidently.

“As much as I hate other girls talking about me like that and how much I’d love for you to shut them up, I like that we’re just enjoying this for now without having it out in front of everyone,” Joe nodded, referring to enjoying each other’s company without having everyone know you were officially a couple. 

“Me too,” you smiled. “By the way, you look amazing,” you said as you gave him another once-over. “I need to see you in more suits,”. 

“No, you look amazing. This dress is reallyyyy doing something to me,” he said as he moved his hands to your lower back, feeling the strappy design that was exposing a little too much of your bare back for his liking. “You look stunning with it on,”.

“If you play your cards right tonight, I might even let you take it off,” you teased as you threaded your fingers through his hair, your head leaning against the wall. 

“I’ll be sure to be on my best behavior then,” he mumbled as he slowly leaned in for a kiss, you moved your head off the wall and crashed your lips against his, his hands pulling your body closer to his as you meet for a fiery kiss. His touch sent electric jolts throughout your body as his hand went from your back to your ass.

“If we were alone right now,” he said between kisses. 

“I know,” you panted as you pulled him back to your lips, your arms looping around his neck and pulling him closer. 

The feeling of his lips against yours was sending you into a frenzy, not a single coherent thought in your mind as you melted under his electrifying touch. You felt his lips move down, pressing kisses from your chin down to your neck and his hands sliding across the silky fabric of your dress. 

“Joe,” you whispered as you grabbed his hair and moved him back to your lips.

“Mm, I can’t get enough of you,” he said between kisses. 

A few heated seconds later, you heard the doorknob make a few clicking noises before hearing the door slowly open. 

“Fuck,” Joe whispered as he quickly pulled away from you and backed up so that you both had enough space between you.

“Stay cool,” you mouthed as you saw your sister walk out from the corner of your eye. 

“Hey, lovebirds. I’m not interrupting anything right?” she teased. 

“Uhh….,” you nervously stalled as you tried to come up with an excuse as to why Joe was up here.

“No, not interrupting at all. I just wanted to check our reception seats with Y/N. I think we’re sitting with your parents so I wanted to make sure she was cool with that,” Joe said, saving you both from being caught with a somewhat believable lie. 

“Ah, I see,” she nods, not fully believing him as her eyes darted back and forth from him to you. She noticed that you looked a little shaken up—which you were since she almost caught you both in the act—and that you were anxiously fidgeting with the ring on your left finger. She also noticed that your lipgloss looked smudged and his lips looked more pink than usual.

“Well, I just came to grab Y/N. The girls need your opinion about their shoes real quick since you’re Maid of Honor and apparently your opinion holds more weight,” she said as she turned to face you, not bothering to grill you about how this looked. 

“Right,” you nodded as you glanced over at Joe.

“Go ahead. I’ll see you down there,” Joe said to you with a feverish look, his hand touching your exposed back, sending shivers throughout your body before he said bye to your sister and turned around.

“See you in a bit,” you said as you turned back to look at him, your mind fixated on the heated look he gave you as he turned around again before he walked back down the hall to the elevator. 

You look back at your sister, noticing her skeptical facial expression. “What?” you laughed as you crossed your arms. 

“Ohh, nothing,” she smiled as she grabbed your hand and pulled you back into the room.

After the Wedding Ceremony 

“I got you your favorite,” Joe said as he handed you a peach mojito and sat back down next to you with his drink.

“Thank you,” you said to him, squeezing his thigh underneath the table as you took a sip of the fruity beverage. The wedding ceremony had concluded a few hours ago and it was nothing short of magical and fairytale-like. You and Joe were currently seated at the table with your parents, having a few drinks and catching up while your sister and her husband were making their rounds around the party. 

“So Joe, how’s football going? Think we’ll see another AFC title this year?” your dad asked him.

“Dad,” you said, sending him daggers with your eyes. “I told you, no football talk tonight. Let Joe have a rest day,”.

“It’s Okay, Y/N,” Joe laughed, grabbing your hand underneath the table and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I hope so. We’re taking it day by day still but I feel good about everything but I know it won’t be easy,” he said to your dad. 

“Well, just know that we’re proud of you and you’re doing great,” your mom chimed in. 

“I’ll double down on that,” your dad added.

“Thanks, guys,” Joe smiled. 

Your parents had seen Joe’s football journey since the beginning just like you had. They were practically a second set of parents for him given how close you two were and his relationship with them was something Joe held incredibly close to his heart, something he wouldn’t ever want to replace. 

“Y/N, you really outdid yourself with these flowers,” your mom pointed out. “You better keep the contact of whichever florist you found because this looks amazing,”. 

“Actually,” you said, looking over at Joe. “You should be thanking Joe. The original florist canceled at the last minute a few weeks ago and he actually pulled a few strings and got one of the best florists money can buy to come through. Even picked out most of the flowers himself,”. 

“Well that was sweet,” your dad smiled as he took a sip of his champagne. 

“Very,” your mom added. “But did we expect any less from him? He has an excellent track record of coming to Y/N’s rescue whenever she needs to be saved. He’s always been so good to her,”. 

“Okayyyy, that’s enough of that. I can just feel his ego getting bigger by the second,” you laughed as you poked his shoulder. 

“Someone’s just mad that I have exceptional taste in flowers,” he said as he turned his head and leaned in closer.

You raised your eyebrow, “You wish. I would’ve done just fine without your help,” you scoffed as you leaned in closer, your eyes navigating down to his plump pink lips. God, you wanted nothing more than to kiss him right now.

“Okay, let’s not get into a fistfight at your sister's wedding now,” your mom said as she got up with your dad. “We’re going to go make some rounds around the room. Try not to murder each other while we’re gone,” she smiled. 

“No promises,” Joe joked as he watched them walk away, his head turning back to look at you, watching as you were laughing to yourself.

“And what’re you laughing about?” he asked.

“They thought we were going to fight, that’s funny,” you giggled. “More like kiss the hell out of you but I guess they couldn’t catch onto that,”. 

He leaned in closer and you could feel his heated gaze on you as you started fidgeting with your ring again. “You know, we didn’t get to finish what we started in the hallway earlier,” he whispered into your ear. You felt his hand creep through the slit of your dress and to your bare thigh, your cheeks heating up again as you could practically hear your heartbeat.

“Joe, we’re in a hall filled with people,” you whispered, moving his hand out from under your dress. 

“So?” he said looking around. “Everyone’s doing their own thing, nobody’s looking at us,” he said as he moved his hand back to your thigh. 

“I’m not going to kiss you in a room filled with people who think we’re just friends,” you laughed. “I’ll have every single female in this room out for my blood,”.

“Who said anything about kissing?” he whispered as you felt his hand creep up your thigh, inching closer to your heat. Your breath hitched as you felt his fingers ghost over your core through your lace panties, your body jerking when you felt his fingers against your folds. “Joe,” you whispered.

“What, Baby?” he whispered in your ear.

You turned your head to meet his eyes, opening your mouth to say something but before you could, someone interrupted you. 

“Y/N! There you are,” you could recognize that fake tone of voice anywhere. Veronica. 

You turned your head to face her, watching as she sat down across from you and Joe, the fakest smile plastered on her face and a glass of champagne in her hand. “I’ve been looking all over for you,” she smiled.

"Were you looking for me or looking for my boyfriend?" you thought to yourself.  

“Hey, Veronica,” you forcefully smiled and nodded at her. 

“And you must be Joe,” she said, turning her head towards Joe and batting her eyelashes. 

“Nice to meet you,” Joe smiled, his finger sliding your panties to the side causing you to bump your leg against the table at the sudden movement. You looked over at Joe who was looking straight ahead at Veronica, a smug look on his face as she was introducing herself to him. 

You gasped lightly when you felt Joe’s fingers sneak up to your clit, his thumb toying with the sensitive bud which made your body jerk again, your hand gripping the table as he entered two fingers into your soaking core. 

“Mmph,” you quietly moaned into your hand as you placed your elbow on the table and covered your mouth.

“So Joe, Is it true what they say about professional athletes’ taste in ice cream?” she smirked at him, clearly using ice cream as a relationship and sexual innuendo. Your eyes widened at her boldness and at the fact that Joe was pumping his fingers in and out of you with zero shame. He started to rub circles around your clit with his thumb, your leg twitching as you started to feel restless. 

"This Bitch.." you thought to yourself as you squirmed in your seat.

“Uhh, what do they say?” Joe asked her as he glanced over at you, your pleasure rapidly building up as you were struggling to stifle your moans. 

“Hm,” you lightly inhaled as you sat back again and tried to act normal, but it was not working very well.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Veronica asked as she looked over at you, the suspicion on her face evident.

“Yeah, uh, I’m fine,” you winced as you felt his fingers pick up the pace, your arousal begging to be released, your eyes looking over at Joe a few times who was still looking ahead with a smirk on his face. Just a few more pumps and you’d reach your pleasure, you wanted him to stop because if you got caught this would be incredibly hard to explain, but you needed him to keep going. 

“Oookay..Anyway,” she said as she looked back over at Joe. “That they don’t stick to one flavor so they can try every kind without feeling the need to have the same boring one for the rest of their lives?”.

“Hmph,” you moaned into your hand as you covered your mouth again, the urge to slap Veronica across the face almost as strong as the urge to come undone right now. You felt your belly flutter at the gentle shock of pleasure vibrating throughout your body once Joe had hit your sweet spot, your hands gripping the tablecloth incredibly tightly as you were just seconds away from feeling pure bliss.

“Uhhh,” Joe nervously laughed as he gave your core a few more pumps, feeling your walls start to tighten around them. You were so incredibly close, but then he slipped his fingers out of your core, leaving you stranded on the edge. You felt everything go still as you let out a shaky breath when you looked over at him, your eyes widening at what he had just done. 

“I see you’ve tried a few flavors before but none of them seem to have stuck with you, it seems like you got bored. Hm, have you thought about trying strawberry?” she winked, clearly referring to herself and her obnoxious red hair. 

“No actually, I haven’t. I’m not a big strawberry ice cream kinda guy.” Joe laughed again, sliding his wet fingers across your bare thigh and giving your twitching leg a few loving squeezes. “Is it good?”.

Was Joe just painfully oblivious to what she was actually talking about or was he doing this on purpose? Whatever it was, you couldn’t sit there for another second and listen as the ache between your thighs was getting stronger and the incredibly needy comments Veronica was passing were making you sick to your stomach. 

“Uhh, excuse me,” you said as you quickly got up from your seat. 

“You Okay?” Joe innocently smiled at you as if he didn’t know what was wrong. 

“Yeah, I just feel sick all of a sudden. Might be from the shrimp I had earlier, I’m going to take a breather,” you lied as you looked over at Veronica, wanting to wipe the grin off her face as she was practically making googly eyes at Joe. 

You quickly walked away before Joe could say anything else, your stomach doing backflips as your brain started to register what had happened underneath that table. He actually just did that in front of Veronica, in front of everyone. 

“I should go check on her,” Joe said as he glanced back at your figure that was getting further and further away. 

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Veronica chirped as she watched Joe get up from his seat, a scoff following as she watched Joe ignore her and walk away. 

Meanwhile, you hand wandered out of the Reception hall and were leaning against the bathroom door, staring off into space before you felt a familiar pair of lips press a kiss on your shoulder. 

“Absolutely not!” you clamored as you turned around to face Joe. 

“What?” he innocently chuckled.

“You know exactly what,” you huffed, crossing your arms and sending him a look that he would easily understand.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that my boyfriend just fingered me under the fucking table, didn’t even finish me off, and then proceeded to blatantly flirt with the same girl that was talking about making a move on you earlier right in front of me,” you grumbled. 

“I’ve never seen you Jealous before,” he smiled. “It’s kinda hot,”. 

Your mouth dropped open, “Are you serious right now?”. You were a little mad about the Veronica thing but it didn’t really bother you because you knew that Joe wouldn’t ever look at another girl the way he looks at you, and to be completely honest with yourself you were more mad that he did that under the table and didn’t let you finish. 

You scoffed and started to walk down the hall, glancing back to see if Joe was following you, which he was. He walked a little faster and grabbed your hand, pulling you back towards him in one strong pull. 

“Okay, Okay. I’m sorry for feeding into her terrible attempt at flirting with me,” he said, his eyes filled with adoration as he squeezed your hand. 

You continued to stare at him, not responding to his apology on purpose before you felt him pull you into his chest, his mouth inches from your ear. “Let me make it up to you,” his hot breath made your core throb again. 

“How?” you whispered to him.

“Let me finish what I started under that table,” he whispered into your ear again. “We both know that’s the real reason you’re mad,”

You looked back into his infatuated eyes, a smile creeping onto your face as you looked behind him and then behind you to make sure nobody was around. The ache between your thighs was still there, calling his name just like how your heart was. You couldn’t stay mad at him, not when he looked at you like this. 

“Deal,” you whispered as you grabbed his hand, urgently pulling him down the hall.

“Where are we going?”. 

You stopped once you got to the bedroom suites, slowing down your pace as you walked past each room before reaching yours. “My room,” you smiled at him, pulling out your keycard and unlocking the door. 

“Thank God for wedding venues with bedrooms,” Joe mumbled to himself as you dragged him inside, quickly closing the door and backing him up against it as you got straight to business. Your hands tangled in his hair as you met for a passionate kiss, your lips then trailing down to his neck where you absentmindedly nipped his skin while kissing it. 

“We have to be quick,” you panted as you pulled away from him. 

He nodded before pulling you into the bathroom, quickly helping you onto the countertop before unbuckling his belt and pulling his pants and boxers down in one swift motion. He moved his hands under your dress, sliding your drenched panties to the side before thrusting into you, a throaty moan coming from your lips at the sudden intrusion. 

You’d never get sick of this feeling. Ever since you and Joe got a taste of what this felt like with each other, neither of you could resist sneaking away for a few moments and feeling this way again and again. It didn’t matter where you were, it didn’t matter when it was, but it always started & ended with you both feeling like horny college kids. Call it making up for lost time if you will? 

“Joe,” you whimpered as you grabbed onto his shoulders, his thrusts picking up as the sounds coming from your lips got louder. 

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he smiled as he dropped his head to your shoulder, your hands finding themselves in his hair. 

“Fuck, harder,” you moaned into his ear, his merciless pace doing wonders for you. He smiles, moves his head back to yours, and captures your lips in a sloppy kiss as he quickened his pace, rapidly thrusting into your slick core which meshed with both your moans and created a familiar harmonious melody that echoed throughout the room. 

He moved deeper and deeper inside your core with each well-placed thrust, your cushiony walls beginning to tighten around him as you moaned against his lips. “Joe, right there,” his lips glossy and swollen from being attached to yours for too long. He used his hand to spread your legs apart a little more, the increased space allowing him to hit an angle that he hadn’t before. 

“J- Joe,” you struggled to moan as you dropped your head on his shoulder. 

“Remember, you’re the only girl I want,” he moaned as he peppered kisses around your jaw. “Okay?”.

“…Yeah,” you moaned as you felt him hit your sweet spot. “I’m the only girl you want,” you whimpered as you threw your head back against the mirror, the band in your belly tightening as he picked up the pace.

“I’m close,” you whined as you felt yourself clamp down on his thick cock.

He moved his hand underneath your dress again, his fingers coated with your arousal as he began to rub circles around your clit. “Joe, oh my g- god,” you moaned as you felt the band snap, your walls convulsing around him as your body started to shake from the intense feeling. 

“Hang on,” he panted as he picked up his pace again, his hand gripping your waist, his cock twitching inside of your core as he felt himself getting closer to his pleasure. 

A few moments later, you felt him still inside of you as his cum coated your walls, his head dropped to your shoulder again as he bit down on your skin to prevent himself from being too loud, his high washing over him as you were recovering from yours. 

“Shit,” you panted as you rubbed his neck, Joe gently thrusting into you before tapering off.

“If you ever think that I’d want anyone else, you’re crazy,” Joe smiled against your shoulder before tilting his head and pressing kisses to your flushed cheeks. “I don’t give a damn if I have to taste the same flavor of ice cream for the rest of my life,”.

“My kind of ice cream is incredibly delicious,” he said with another kiss on your cheek. “Sweet,” he said with another kiss, this time to your neck. “Kind and gentle,” he said as he kissed your shoulder. “Is 2 in 1 because she’s the love of my life and best friend all in one,” he said with a kiss to your chest. “And far from boring,” he ended with a passionate kiss to your lips, the kiss so intense that it sent you back towards the mirror again. 

“So you do know that she wasn’t talking about ice cream?” you rasped, your voice tired from screaming his name as you felt your heart flutter at his softness and kind words towards you. 

“Obviously,” he laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “She wasn’t exactly subtle about it,”.

“Then why were you playing along?”.

“Because I knew it’d make you a little jealous,” he winked. 

“Asshole,” you playfully grumbled as you lightly slapped his chest. 

“I may be an asshole but you still love me,” he said as he raised an eyebrow.

“Unfortunately, that’s something that’ll never change,” you sighed.

“Unfortunately?” he asked. “You say it like it’s a bad thing,”.

“It’s definitely not a bad thing” you grin. “It’s just I love you too much to care about the fact that you did that to me under the table at my sister's wedding, in a room filled with people, and then we proceeded to sneak off mid-party to hook up in the bathroom. If I was with any other guy, I would never even entertain these thoughts. We’re so scandalous,” you said as you wiggled your eyebrows which made him laugh.

“You know I'm not a bad girl, but I seem to be doing bad things with you. I should care, but I don’t,” you blushed. 

“And that’s exactly why you're far from boring; you always seem to surprise me,” he said as he pressed a kiss to your jaw. 

“Love you,” you lazily smiled as you grabbed his face to kiss him again.

“Love you too,” he smiled against your lips. 

A few minutes later, you were both cleaned up and fixing yourselves in the mirror before heading back to the reception. “I hope they didn’t notice we were gone,” you laughed as you fixed a few stray pieces of your hair. 

“I doubt it. They were probably too wrapped up in the party to realize,” he smiled as he fixed his tie. “You ready?” he asked after he was done.

“Mhm,” you nodded, leaning in for one final kiss before getting ready to head back. 

Joe opened your door and stepped out into the hall, you followed him out and closed the door behind you, laughing at a joke he made about how you guys went from sneaking out of weddings to raid the bar to make stronger cocktails to now sneaking out of weddings to have hook up in your room. You were about to reach for his hand before you heard a shriek come from down the hall, your heart stopping when you realized who it was. 

“Busted!” the familiar voice screamed.

“Oh, fuck,” you froze as you realized who it was, being able to recognize that voice anywhere. 

Kaylee. 

You and Joe both looked at each other before looking at Kaylee who was speed walking down the hall to you, both your cheeks turning red as you were caught red-handed. 

“Kaylee,” you forcefully smiled.

“I knew it. I knew it. And you said you were just friends…Ha…Funny,” she laughed. 

“Uhh, Kaylee are you okay?” Joe asked her, his palms getting sweaty as he quickly glanced over at you. 

“I’m great, Joe. Are you okay? You got a little something on your neck,” she said, pointing out the tiny purple bruise on his neck. 

“Fuck,” you mumbled under your breath. 

“Oh, and Y/N, did you bump into something?” She said as she moved her hand to the mark on your shoulder, leaning in to look at it closely. “Oh wait, that looks like a bite mark?”.

“Shit,” Joe mouthed as he looked into your eyes, both of you frozen and having no idea how to play this off. 

“We were just…,” you started to say but not being able to come up with anything.

“We were just taking a breather,” Joe interrupted. 

“Uh huh,” your sister nodded. “So that explains the flushed cheeks, obvious hickey, bite mark on your shoulder, and the fact that Joe’s lips are covered with lipgloss,” your sister said looking at you. “Not to mention whatever I interrupted in the hallway outside the bridal suite earlier was clearly the first part of whatever happened in that room,” she smirked as she pointed behind you.

You quietly stared at your sister, your mind completely blank as you had no idea how to lie to her because she quite literally had caught you both in the act. 

“I…” you trailed off before you felt Joe lightly bump into your shoulder, making you look up at him. One thing about you and Joe was that you could tell each other a thousand words by just looking into each other’s eyes. He didn’t need to say anything but you knew exactly what he was saying to you; his soft gaze calming your nerves, the warmth in his eyes showing that he genuinely cared about you, the adorable crinkles in the corner of his eyes coming out, and his gentle and steady eye contact reassuring you that everything was perfectly fine. 

You nodded your head once you got the message he was trying to convey and looked back at your sister. “We’re dating,” you blurted out.

Kaylee stayed quiet for a few moments and looked back and forth between you two, “Well obviously,” she laughed.

“What?” you deadpanned, your heart-stopping. 

“Y/N, I’m your sister. I know when something’s up with you,” she grinned. “I had a feeling something was going on after that Christmas party you went to together. You started acting weird after that and the phone call we had the night before the party was strange so then I put 2 and 2 together. There was a high chance that I could’ve been wrong but I had a gut feeling,”.

“Damn,” you whispered to yourself. Were you really that bad at hiding it or was Joe’s effect on you just that noticeable? 

“But I’m really happy for you both,” she said. “I always knew you two were meant to be but I was called delusional every time by Y/N over here,” she laughed as she looked at Joe. “Besides, I see the way you look at her, Joe. The eyes never lie,”. 

“Only took us about 9 years but here we are,” Joe said, pulling you closer to him and kissing your forehead. The blissful looks on both of your faces right now matched how you felt with each other. 

“This is the best wedding gift you could possibly give me. My baby sister is finally with her Prince Charming,” she cooed as she gently punched your shoulder.

“Yeah,” you said. “I guess I am,” you smiled up at Joe.

“You know, the wedding setup is still here and I bet my wedding dress fits you,” your sister teased. “You guys can pull a fast one on everyone. I won’t snitch. You can even use that ring on your left hand, Y/N. By the way, Joe, nice taste in jewels,”.

“How did you..,” you questioned since you thought she believed your lie about the ring being from an antique shop.

“I had a hunch,” she winked at you and Joe. “That ring screams expensive,”.

“What were you going to do if you didn’t catch us together like this? Because we weren’t planning on telling anyone for a little longer but it sounds like you were on the case for a while now,” you wondered. 

“Hmm, I probably would’ve encouraged Veronica to steal Joe for a dance to get you to rile you up and get a reaction out of you. No way you’d let her be alone with him,” she giggled.

“I would’ve killed you if you did that,” you scowled, feeling Joe laugh above you at your adorable defensiveness. 

“Okay, Okay,” she laughed while throwing her hands up. “Note to self, steer Veronica away from Joe if I want to live to see my honeymoon,” she giggled.

“Mhm,” you nodded.

“I should get back to the party considering I am the lady of the hour but I want details later. All of them,” she pointed at you both.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Joe saluted before she opened her arms and lept onto you both, pulling you in for a tight hug.

“Ahh, I can’t believe you two finally did it,” she hooted as squeezed you both. “This is the best thing ever!”. 

You looked up at Joe with a heartfelt smile, one that said everything without saying anything just like the looks in both your eyes. Your sister released you both from the hug a few seconds later and said “Make sure to cover those up before you go back in,” while pointing at your shoulder and his neck.

You covered your face with your hands out of embarrassment and let out a soft whine as she walked away, “Remember, no babies out of wedlock! Wrap it before you tap it,” she laughed.

“Oh my god,” you said, your face reddening as you looked over at Joe who was laughing to himself about how comical this situation was.

“If you had told me a few years ago that your sister would be warning us to have protected sex to not have a child out of marriage, I would’ve laughed in your face and walked out the door,” he smiled. 

“That makes two of us. God, I cannot believe she saw that,” you smiled as let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding before looking back up at Joe, his cheeks a little red and his eyes glistening. “You look happy, though,” you said, rubbing his shoulder. 

“That’s because I am happy,” he hummed before he leaned down to press a sweet kiss to your lips. “I love you,”.

“And I love you,” you smiled at him before pecking his lips again.

“I guess we should probably tell your parents now that your sister knows,” Joe said as he grabbed your hand and slowly started leading you back to the reception hall.

“I guess so,” you sighed. “Be prepared for my Mom to hound you with questions about your intentions though. She loves you to death but you’re the boyfriend now and not just the best friend. There’s some pressure on you,”.

“Oh, I’m prepared. I know what my intentions are and I'm not afraid to voice them,” he winked at you, another chill running down your spine as you could practically feel the tenderness and reassurance in his voice. 

A few minutes later, you’re back inside the hall and sitting at the table again with your parents who thankfully hadn’t noticed your absence. They were talking to Joe about needing some help with moving some furniture out of the house and given the gentleman Joe was, he happily said yes. 

You cleared your throat a few moments later and sat up, squeezing Joe’s thigh under the table to get his attention. He looked over at you and met your eyes, your eyes once again telling him everything without needing to say anything. He gave you a small nod before you turned around to your parents.

“So, Mom, Dad,” you said, looking at both of them. “I have something to tell you both,”.

“Go ahead, sweetie,” your mom smiled as she placed her drink down.

You took a deep breath, “I’m seeing someone,” you smiled, feeling Joe grab your hand under the table.

“Really?” your parents asked, both of their eyes lighting up. 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I have been for about a month now,”.

“Do we know him?” your dad asked, putting his elbow on the table and grabbing his drink.

“Yeah actually,” you laughed as you saw Joe blush from the corner of your eye. “You know him pretty well,”.

“Are you going to tell us his name?” your Dad laughed at your vagueness. 

“Honey, I think she wants us to play the guessing game,” your Mom chuckled. “Am I right, Y/N?”.

You bit your lip and nodded your head, Joe’s fingers softly rubbing your hand as he tried hard to remain quiet. 

“You always loved to play the guessing game as a child, I should’ve seen this coming,” your Dad shook his head.

“Okay then, what does he do? Does he have a stable job?” your mom asked. 

“He’s involved in sports, it’s very stable and it pays very well,” you said, glancing around and not meeting her eyes because this could make it so obvious.

“Okay,” your dad nodded. “How is he? Describe him,”.

“Well, he is the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. He’s really kind, super smart, genuine, caring, and has a great sense of humor. He’s also a big nerd but never likes to admit it because he has this cool guy attitude on the surface,” you say as you feel Joe bump your leg with his leg under the table, making you look over at him and see him give you a look that makes you want to explode into a cloud of pink dust. 

“He’s really athletic too. One of the absolute best at what he does,” you bragged as you looked back at your parents.

“Is he an athlete or something?” your mom asked as she took a sip of her water. 

“Mhm,” you nodded. 

“What sport?” your dad asked. “This guy might be giving Joe a run for his money,” he laughed as he looked at your mom.

You pursed your lips to hide your smile, watching as Joe laughed along with them from the corner of your eye.  

“If I told you the sport it would give it away,” you said matter-of-factly. 

“Okay, well keep going then. You seem to be in a secretive mood tonight,” your mom said.

“Okay, he never fails to make me feel like the most important girl on the planet, never fails to tell me how beautiful and special I am, and never fails to tell me and show me how much he loves me. He cares a lot about me and I feel at home whenever I’m with him, and I haven’t felt that way with any guy before. And whenever we’re around each other I can’t help but fall even more in love with him,” you blushed. 

“Love?” your mom said as she raised an eyebrow. “It’s only been a month though?”.

“It’s only been a month since we’ve been dating but I’ve known him for about 9 years,” you smiled as you leaned back against your chair and looked over at Joe.

“9 years? So she met him in college?” your dad said as he looked at your mom.

“Y/N, why didn’t you bring him to the wedding? No offense Joe, you know we love you, but you should’ve told this mystery man to come. I’m sure we could’ve added an extra invitation,” your Mom said.

Joe was about to say something before you grabbed his hand, “Actually,” you said while picking his hand up from under the table and pressing a kiss to it in front of your parents. “I did bring him with me,”. 

Your parents went silent as they looked at you both and then at each other, “Oh. Ohhhh,” your Mom said as she looked back at you with realization, her eyes softening once she put the puzzle together in her head. “You two,” she said, choking up a little and placing her hand over her heart. “Oh my god,” she said as she looked over at your Dad. 

“Well, would you look at that? It’s about damn time,” he cheered as leaned back and crossed his arms, a huge smile on his face. “I knew this would happen at some point,”.

“Did everyone see it this entire time except for us?” you shook your head as you looked at Joe. 

“I guess so,” he grinned as he placed his arm around your shoulder and brought you in closer. 

You looked over at your Mom who was using a tissue to soak up a few tears in her eyes, “Mom, are you crying?” you pouted. 

“Yes,” she said with a smile. “You have no idea how happy this makes me,”.

“That makes two of us,” Joe said, looking down at you with what looked like real-life heart eyes. 

“I mean you two have been such good friends since college and seeing you both like this,” she said as she felt more tears coming. “I’m just so happy for you both. I couldn’t ask for a better man for my Y/N,”. 

“Ditto. You two are excellent for each other, it all makes perfect sense,” your Dad nodded with a fervent smile. 

“Thanks, Mom and Dad,” you smiled as you dropped your head against Joe’s shoulder, feeling him press two kisses to your forehead before feeling him rest his head against yours.

“You have to tell us everything. How did this happen?” your Dad asked as reached for a glass of water to hand your Mom. 

“It’s quite the story,” Joe smiled as he placed his hand in your hand and started to tell them how this all came to be, your heart growing from all the love you were feeling around you, a majority of it coming off of the man next to you. 

A week later 

“You ready?” Joe asked as he turned the key to the golf cart.

“Absolutely,” you grinned as you crossed your legs and leaned back. “I still can’t believe you bought a golf cart,”.

“Well, this neighborhood is pretty big and there’s a lot of trails and paths around so I thought this would be the right investment,” he smiled at you as he backed out of the driveway. “And also because once you move in we can do nightly drives instead of nightly walks so we don’t get tired halfway through and you beg me for a piggyback ride home,”.

“Hey, don’t act like you don’t enjoy it just as much as I do,” you pointed at him. “But anyway, I can’t wait to move in with you. One more month and I’m all yours,” you bit your lip while rubbing his thigh. 

“You’re already all mine,” he said, leaning in for a quick peck before beginning the drive. 

“That I am,” you smiled as you turned your head back to the road, watching as the sun set over the beautiful Ohio River where you and Joe were driving down to as his house sat right by the water.

“I’m getting major Deja Vu,” he said as he turned onto the grassy path that led down to the river. “Do you remember when we stole that neighbor's golf cart when we went on that beach trip during spring break back at Ohio State?”.  

“You mean the beach trip from hell?” you giggled. “Oooh yeah, I remember,” you nodded. 

Flashback to Spring Break - Ohio State 

“Joe, what if someone sees?” you whisper yelled at him while he was trying to grab the keys to your neighbor’s golf cart from the patio table, your eyes darting back and forth from the door to Joe. 

“Almost..got it…,” he whispered as he grabbed the keys from the table, then carefully sneaked past the windows and made it to the ledge. “Let’s go,” he said as he hopped down from the patio.

“Fuck, we’re going to get in so much trouble,” you laughed as you slid into the golf cart, Joe doing the same and then turning on the cart. 

“I honestly could care less. Anything to get me the hell out of this house for even 10 minutes will suffice,” he said as he quickly backed out of the driveway and started driving towards the beach. 

“Are you alright?” you asked him, rubbing his shoulder as you noticed his exhausted body language. 

“Could be better,” he sighed as he turned onto the beach, driving you both alongside the ocean.

“You wanna talk about it? You know I’m always here,” you said.

He stayed silent for a few seconds, your heartbeat picking up because he wasn’t saying anything and you were getting worried because he was usually quick to confide in you.

“Joe,” you said, gently squeezing his thigh.

“It’s Audrey,” he sighed. 

You went silent at the name. Audrey was Joe’s girlfriend, or situationship as everyone liked to call it. 

“What happened now?” you asked, pulling the hood of your sweatshirt up as you tried to block the cool ocean breeze out. 

Joe turned the cart to face the water before putting it in park, giving you both some time to talk while enjoying the view of the ocean. 

“Just everything,” he sighed as he placed his arm around the back of your seat. “Nothing I do is good enough for her. No matter how hard I try to make things work, she always does something that ruins it,”.

You felt your heart drop at his words, you wished you could do something to make him feel better but you couldn’t. You promised yourself that you’d never put yourself on the field in Joe’s love life. You’d watch from the sidelines, cheering him on with whichever girl captured his heart, even though silently you wished that the girl was you. 

It was enraging watching as Audrey played with Joe’s feelings, always dragging him along even though she clearly didn’t treat him the way he treated her. He knew that he deserved better but each time he tried to pull away, she’d always bring him back and give him hope that things would be different but they never were.

“I mean, just this morning I woke up early to make her breakfast but she decided to go out and get an acai bowl or something and then got mad that I was making you breakfast when she got back,” he shook his head. 

“Are you serious?” you laughed. “Why is she always so petty about everything,”.

“I wish I had an answer. It’s just exhausting being around her. We have moments where things feel normal but they’re very very short moments,” he said as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Have you tried talking to her about it?” you asked.

“I did…Just before the trip. I told her that I wanted things to work and she agreed, I also told her where I stood and how this trip was a kind of ‘make it or break it’ for us,” he said.

“What’d she say? you bit your lip while playing with the bracelets on your wrist. 

“She said she understood and gave me the impression that things would be different this weekend. But ever since we’ve been here she’s been on me for literally everything. It was the breakfast thing this morning, then it was her getting mad that we went out for ice cream yesterday without her even though we didn’t even ask the others if they wanted to come so it’s not like we specifically left her out, and then it was her getting mad that we all wanted to go to the pier last night but she wanted to stay in and watch TV,”

“Who stays inside and watches TV while you’re at the fucking beach?” you grimaced. 

“Then it was her getting upset that you were even on the trip in the first place even though I literally told her you were coming,” he shrugged, his eyes quickly darting to you as he realized how bad that sounded. “Sorry about that. I know she isn’t exactly the nicest to you,”.

“No offense taken. I get a vibe from her that tells me everything I need to know,” you sighed. 

“You know what? That’s another thing. She knows you’re my best friend but still treats you like shit for absolutely no reason. It’s like she doesn’t care about anything important in my life,” he ranted.

Important. You were important to Joe. 

You looked at him for a few seconds before dropping your head on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around you as if it were a reflex. “I’m sorry,” you said to him. “I know it’s hard and you deserve so much more,”.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one that has the worst taste in girls,” he softly chuckled as he rubbed your shoulder, his phone vibrating on the dash which diverted his attention. 

He leaned forward to see who it was, “Speaking of…,” he said as he grabbed his phone.

“It’s like she’s listening to our conversations,” you joked. “You sure she didn’t bug you?”.

“Wouldn’t be surprised if she did,” he laughed as he opened up the texts.

You watched as Joe’s smile dropped as his eyes skimmed her lengthy text message.

“What’d she say?” you asked.

“Basically asking where I went and why didn’t I tell her I was going somewhere. Then accusing me of sneaking off with you since she doesn’t know where you went either,” he said.

“Well, she’s not wrong about that part,” you shrugged.

“Then she said this isn’t working, I’m not trying hard enough, and that she’s been miserable since she’s been here,” he said as he turned off his phone.

“Damn, no text back?” you said while looking out to the open waters. 

“Nope. I’m done with this bullshit. If she thinks I’m not doing enough then she needs to wake the hell up,” he said as he pulled you in closer. “I’ve tried to do fun stuff with her since we’ve been here but she doesn’t want to do anything other than sit and be mad at me for no reason. I’ve been trying for months. A relationship is a two-way street and I’m not going to work on it if she isn’t going to try. It’s draining and I can’t do it,”.  

“You deserve better, Joe,” you say, tilting your head to look at him. “You’re such an amazing guy and have so much to offer and if Audrey can’t see that, then she isn’t the one,”. 

“I know,” he sighed. “It just sucks when you spend time on someone who you thought was your person,”. 

You looked out at the ocean again, “Did you know that 80% of the ocean is unexplored?”.

“Yeah..” he confusingly said, wondering what this had to do with what you were just talking about.

“Well, the unexplored parts of the ocean probably have new species, new ecosystems, and things we haven’t seen before. In love, there are so many things to explore just like in those unknown parts of the ocean. So many chances to find a deeper connection, to find out things about yourself and other people, to do new things and see new places, and so many chances to find your person. There are endless possibilities. You’ll find your person, I know she’s out there. It might take some exploring and some waiting, but you’ll find her one day,” you said, feeling a visceral ache in your heart because you wanted to be his person so badly. “And she’ll be the one who showers you with all the love you deserve and the same love you give to others,”. 

“You know, you should really do a Ted-Talk episode one day,” he laughed, squeezing your shoulder gently. Your words meant the world to him, especially since he had a secret crush on you, and hearing you talk to him about finding his person just made him think of you. He wanted you to be his person, he wanted to explore these things with you.   

“I think I just might,” you grinned. 

“Thanks for that though. You always know how to make me feel better, I don’t know how you do it, but you always say the right things every time,” he said, shaking your shoulder and looking down at you.

Before you could say something, you heard a piercing shriek come from behind you. Both of you jumped in your seat and turned around and saw Audrey speed-walking towards you both with a fearful look on her face. “Joe!” she screamed. “Why the hell are you out here with her?”.

“Uh oh,” you said as you turned back around, watching Joe quickly switch the cart from park to drive. “What are you doing?”.

“Getting us the hell out of here,” he nodded as he turned the steering wheel and floored the cart. 

He told you to hang on as he tried to get away from her as fast as he could, which was pretty fast because you were practically zooming down the beach and Audrey’s figure quickly faded into the background.

“Oh my god,” you screamed as you hit a bump on the sand that nearly caused you two to spin out, the adrenaline rush keeping you from making him stop the cart.

“Hold on,” Joe yelled as he quickly made a turn onto one of the streets that led down to the main road, your hands clutching onto his arm as you pulled yourself closer to him.

“Joeeee, slow down,” you laughed as you tightly held onto his body, the force of the cart & wind giving you whiplash.

End of flashback 

“I can’t believe she snitched on us for stealing the cart because we drove off,” you laughed. 

“I remember seeing steam practically coming off of her face when she was walking towards us. Scary sight,” he said, bumping into your shoulder as he drove you two along the path. 

“The latter half of the trip after she left was pretty enjoyable though,” you said as you propped your feet up on the dash of the cart.

“Very. I still can’t believe you threw up in my hat after we rode the slingshot,” he chuckled as he placed his arm around your shoulder.

“Please don’t remind me of that ever again. That was so embarrassing,” you said as remembered the grotesque memory and hid your face in his chest.

Joe pressed a kiss to your head before changing the subject, “Okay, I won’t make you relive that but we should really go back there this off-season. Just the two of us though,”.

“I’d love to, we made some pretty great memories on that trip together,” you said as you pressed yourself closer to him.

“This time, make sure to not eat a soft pretzel and funnel cake before getting on the slingshot,” he warned you.

“You got it,” you saluted. “I can’t believe this is my first off-season with you,” the river trail getting closer to you both as you continued talking. 

“What do you mean? I usually spent a lot of time with you in previous off-seasons,” he said. 

“I know, but I mean this is my first one as your girlfriend,” you say, playfully poking his shoulder. “I get to do a lot more with you now,” you beamed.

“Oh yeah?” he smirked. “Like what?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows, his words laced with mischief. 

“Ohhh I don’t know, maybe watch some movies, teach you how to cook some more, swim in the pool, amongst other things,” you tease.

“What are the other things?” he said as you made it down to the trail, now driving alongside the river.

“I guess you’ll just have to find out when the time comes,” you winked.

“Such a tease,” he shook his head before slowing down once you reached the rocks that you two would sit on by the water when you came down here.

Joe switched off the golf cart before hopping out and helping you out, then carefully led you down to the rocks–making sure you didn’t almost fall like how you did the first time–and then sat you down on a rock he deemed stable and secure and then plopped down on a rock next to you. 

“This is nice,” he said, letting out a relaxed sigh as he watched the sunset.

“What is?” you laughed as you looked over at him.

“Doing stuff like this with you. Everything just feels so easy with us…like I don’t have to jump through hoops to make this work,” he said, looking over at you and seeing how the cool January breeze made your nose red. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy and at peace in my life,”. 

“I’m glad you’re happy, Joe,” you grinned as you pulled your sweatshirt sleeves out to cover your chilled hands. “You deserve it,”.

“Are you cold?” he asked as he sat up.

“A l- little,” you mumbled as you felt a chill run up your spine.

“Here,” Joe said as he opened up his legs and scooched back. “Come sit with me,” he said, pointing at the space between his legs. 

You smiled and got up, carefully moving over to where he was, and sat down between his legs. His arms instantly wrapped around your waist as he pulled you back into his chest, his body warmth quickly heating you up. 

“Mmm, you’re so warm,” you hummed as you rested your head against his shoulder and turned your head to press a kiss to his fragrant neck; the smell of his gentle cologne filling your nostrils.  

“Are you happy?” Joe asked as he continued to stare out at the water, his grip on you tightening. 

You were quiet for a few seconds before speaking up, “Of course I’m happy, this is all I’ve ever wanted. You’ve all I’ve ever wanted. And now I have it and it’s even better than imagined. It quite literally can’t get better than this,” you smiled up at him. 

“I’m glad. It’s not just me who deserves it, we deserve it,” he beamed as he leaned down to kiss you. 

After holding the kiss for a few seconds, you both pull away and look ahead at the slowing descending sun, the sky getting darker as the moments go by. “You excited for the first playoff game tomorrow?” you asked him as you placed your hand on top of his. 

“Excited, prepared, a little nervous,” he sighed as he laced his fingers with yours. 

“You’re going to do great, I have full confidence in you and the guys,” you told him. “You’ve been playing really really well recently and I know that tomorrow's game is going to be good,”.

“I hope so,” he nodded before looking down at you, an idea coming into his head. “Hey, you should come down to the sidelines before the game so I can see you,”.

“What? In front of everyone?” you asked as you felt a little nervous at the thought of being down there in front of everyone, usually a spot that was reserved for the family of the players. 

“Yeah, why not? You’re my girlfriend and girlfriends get to come to the sidelines along with other immediate family if they want to,” he smiled. “Besides, only a matter of time before the fans figure out that we’re together which would confirm their already established theories,” he giggled. “And I need my good luck kiss,” he sneaked in.

You let out a soft laugh, “Okay, I’ll be there,”. You always supported Joe when it came to football, even if it was from a distance; but now it was time for you to be front and center.

“Wear some of your peach lip gloss too,” he mumbled as he kissed your cheek. 

“That’s your favorite I assume?” you asked.

“Mhmmm,” he hummed as he kissed your cheek again. “Although, watermelon might give it a run for its money. We may have to test it out some more,”.

“Deal,” you grinned. “Just promise me you’ll win the game,”.

“I promise,” he nodded. “I’m going to win the game and then I’m going to take you out for dinner after,” he added.

“Won’t you be tired though?” you furrow your brows. 

“Probably, but that’s fine. If anything we can just bring it back to the house and stuff our faces with delicious food while sitting on the couch in our jammies and watching the latest episode of Love Island so you don’t miss it,” he smiled. 

“I like youu,” you grinned like a little kid at his tempting words.

“Guess what?” he asked you. 

“What?”.

“I like you too,” he whispered into your ear as he found himself remembering a similar moment like this from a few years ago. 

Flashback to LSU – 2019 (in the same flashback period as the 2019 LSU flashback from part 1 & post-breakup with your ex jake)

Today was the day.

Today was the day Joe was going to tell you how he felt about you.

You had flown in early yesterday morning and had surprised him last night at his game and were staying in Baton Rouge for 3 more days. Joe made it his mission to come clean about his feelings within these 3 days, hopefully today so that he could get it over with. He just couldn’t keep it in anymore. He thought about you every single day and being away from you killed him, especially because he had absolutely 0 idea what was going on in your life (or who was in it) when he wasn’t physically with you. You could only talk about so much over Facetime, 90% of the time not talking about your relationships since neither of you liked to travel into that territory with each other because of how you felt about each other even though you both were incredibly curious about that subject. 

He needed to tell you how he felt before it was too late (preferably before another guy came along), even if you didn’t feel the same way. Those feelings he’d been keeping to himself for years were eating away at him and he could only hold on to them for so much longer. You told him yesterday that you and your now ex-boyfriend Jake had broken up but you weren’t dwelling on it because you hadn’t been together for that long and you were too excited to see Joe to feel bad about the breakup. Joe still felt a bit weird about coming to you with his feelings as you just got out of a relationship but he also just couldn’t keep it in anymore, he was basically a ticking time bomb. He was going to tell you this time, no matter what it took.

This morning Joe brought you and his parents to one of his favorite breakfast spots downtown. You were busy having a conversation with his Mom and Dad about your Thanksgiving plans since it was only a few weeks away while Joe was sitting next to you in the booth picking away at a thumbnail as he couldn’t be more uninterested in the conversation. The only person he wanted to talk to was you, and the only thing he wanted to talk about was his feelings. 

“Ooo, Jimmy look at that,” Robin said as she pointed across the street through the window at your booth. She was pointing over at what looked like a local artist selling paintings of the LSU football team as well as some custom merchandise.

“We should go check it out. I think we have room for a few more paintings around the house,” Jimmy smiled as he got up from the booth and helped Robin up. Both of them excitedly rush to the door and make their way across the street without saying a word to you and Joe, causing you both to laugh. 

“I don’t even know how many paintings or wall pieces they have up in the house anymore. It’s like every time I go back a new one spawns out of nowhere,” Joe shook his head. 

“You’re their golden baby,” you said while rubbing his shoulder. “Embrace it,” you said softly as you placed your chin on it, your lips just inches from his face. 

“I think if I embrace it even more than I already have, I’m going to explode,” he joked as he felt his heart pounding because of how close you were to him.

“Hey, maybe in 15-20 years we can open a Burrow Museum? Get all of the paintings in there, your awards from High School, your eventual Natty and Heisman that you’ll be getting in about 3 months, your future Super Bowl trophies, rings, and MVP awards,” you smiled when you moved away, noticing how his cheeks turned redder while you continued talking.

“Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves about the awards and championships,” Joe said while running his hands through his hair. “I’m not even sure if I’ll be getting any of that stuff,”.

“Please,” you scoffed. “I beg to differ,”.

“Anywayy,” Joe changed the subject before you went on another rant about how you thought he was the best college football player in the league and was going to become the top NFL prospect in the next few months. He appreciated when you praised him like this, it meant the world to him especially since it was coming from you, but he also didn’t want to look too far ahead into a future he had no control of. 

He turned a bit more in his seat to face you, taking note of how adorable you looked wearing one of his LSU football shirts which was a few sizes too big on you, your hair in a messy bun, and your beautiful natural face on display. “How are you doing about the whole Jake thing? I didn’t get a chance to talk to you about it and just wanted to know if you were doing okay with it,”. 

You paused for a few seconds, both of you inching into territory that you usually avoided. “I’m fine,” you reassured him. “I kinda saw it coming and came to terms with it a while ago. And you were right, he’s 100% Mr. Lovebombing,”.

“Y/N, I wasn’t being serious when I said that,” Joe said, his smile dropping a bit because he knew how awful it felt to feel that way in a relationship. 

“No, you were right though. One second he was all over me and telling me how I’m his world, the next he was doing anything and everything to dodge having a conversation with me and refused to see me,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m glad I’m done with that BS,”. You honestly weren’t that affected by the breakup as you’d been through much worse many times before. You were too busy looking forward to seeing Joe after 5 long months to think about Jake. 

You both remained silent, Joe not knowing how to go about this since if he confessed his feelings after you said that, it would seem weird and almost selfish. “But enough about me and my sad dating life, what about you? Any girls I should be warned about?” you painfully laughed, not wanting to hear him say ‘yes, there is a girl’. 

He cleared his throat while glancing around the room before meeting your eyes, his palms getting sweaty because he knew that this conversation could lead to him telling you how he truly felt about you. “Uhh, not really. I’ve just been focused on football,” he nodded.

“That’s great,” you smiled, mentally doing a little dance because he didn’t have any other girl in his life but then stopping once you realized how weird that could have sounded. “Uh, I mean. That’s good because you’re focusing on football, not because you don’t have a girlfriend. That sucks,” you blabbed as you scrambled to make it sound better. 

“It’s okay,” he laughed. “I know what you mean,”. 

“Here we go, Joe. Just tell her. It’s the perfect opportunity. It’s not weird or wrong for you to tell her how you feel, and you know how much she appreciates honesty,” Joe thought to himself.

It honestly was the perfect opportunity, his parents weren’t around, and you reassured him that you weren’t bothered by your breakup so it wasn’t like he was pushing you, and it wasn’t out of the blue since you were talking about things related to that subject.

He just had to say it; those 3 words he’d been eager to say since he met you all those years ago. It couldn’t be that difficult to say it, could it? 

“We really have the worst luck when it comes to dating. I mean, why is every person we end up dating such an asshole?” you complained while taking a sip of your orange juice. “Like hello? Universe? What did we do to you?”. 

“Y/N, I have something to tell you,” Joe said while looking over at you, his tone of voice and the look in his eyes changing from playful to serious all of a sudden. 

You placed your glass down, “What is it? Is everything alright?” you asked as you placed your hand on his that was resting on the table. 

“Everything’s fine,” he laughed. “It’s more than fine. It’s just I-,”.

“We’re back!” Robin interrupted as she placed a few bags on the table, your hand quickly moving away from Joe’s. 

“Y/N, we got you a few sweatshirts we thought you might like,” Jimmy smiled as he pulled them out of the bag while Robin pulled out some of the artwork they picked up to show you. 

“Are you serious,” Joe thought to himself as he watched you get distracted by his parents, all of you once again in a conversation while he just sat there and watched. 

“It’s okay, Joe. Just tell her once you're back at your apartment, you have time. Mom and Dad won’t be there,” He thought to himself as he watched your face light up when you saw the artwork that had Joe front in center, your eyes then meeting his with a proud smile. 

A few hours later – Joe’s LSU apartment 

“Your apartment is so comfy,” you giggled as you sat down on the couch across from Joe.

“So it’s not giving Man Cave or Bachelor Pad vibes?” Joe said while pulling your feet into his lap.

“Nope. It’s giving I have a best friend who has excellent taste in decor and she doesn’t mind ordering nice stuff for my apartment,” you winked. 

“I’m a lucky guy,” Joe said, squeezing your foot.

“That you are,” you replied, leaning your head back against the couch cushion and closing your eyes. “I wouldn’t do this for anyone else,”. 

Joe looked at you for a few quiet moments, his heartbeat picking up once again as he found himself thinking about his feelings towards you. This was the perfect moment to tell you how he felt, it was just the two of you. No distractions, interruptions, or oblivious parents in the way.  

“Hey, can I talk to you about something for a second,” Joe said, breaking the silence and causing you to open your eyes and look up. 

“Yeah, of course,” you smiled at him as you moved a few strands of hair out from your face.  

“Okay, come on Joe. Just tell her,” Joe’s subconscious said to him. “It’s just 3 words. 

I. Like. You.

Just say it,”. 

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, but just before he could open his mouth you both were interrupted by a knock on the front door. 

You turned your head back to look at the door, “I got it,” you said, glancing over at Joe before getting up from the couch. You unlocked the door and opened it, the person standing on the doorstep making your face light up, but Joe’s face drop. 

“Ahh, there’s my favorite Ohio-an. Damn, I missed you Girl,” Ja’marr said as he stepped inside Joe’s apartment and pulled you in for a hug.

“Are you kidding me? Why does everyone keep interrupting us?” Joe thought to himself while rolling his eyes. 

“Missed you too, Ja’marr,” you laughed as you gave him a gentle squeeze before pulling away. “How’s Claire?”. 

“You mean Samantha?” Joe said as he stood up, a little upset because he interrupted you two, prompting both of you to look back at him because of his bitter tone. Joe was a little more than a little pissed off right now. This was the best chance to tell you how he felt since you were fully alone this time, but the universe (or Ja’marr) clearly had other plans. “Or was it Laila?” he huffed out. “I can’t remember. Might be because Ja’marr over here can’t ever keep it in his pants and feels the need to-,”.

“Aye, what’s your deal,” Ja’marr scoffed.

“My deal is that you just-,” Joe started to say as he stepped closer before you interrupted him. 

“Okay! I’m not in the mood to deal with two caveman football players right now,” you reprimanded them. “Ja’marr, let’s go over to the kitchen and get some drinks. Joe, go take a breather or something,” you said, sending him an intense look.

“I just-,”.

“Joe,” you said, sending him another look that he easily understood before he let out a loud sigh and walked past you and Ja’marr to the porch outside his apartment.

“What’s his problem?” Ja’marr shrugged as he followed you into the kitchen.

“Don’t ask me. He’s your best friend,” you laughed as you opened up Joe’s fridge.

“Uhh, he was your best friend first,” Ja’marr pointed out. 

“Hm, touché,” you smiled while pulling out 3 cans of soda. 

Meanwhile, Joe was standing outside the apartment, his heart getting more and more tired from having to wait to tell you how he felt. It’s like every time he opened his mouth to say something, the universe sent something to stop him. 

Was it the universe that was trying to stop him? But why would the universe be doing that? 

“What the fuck,” Joe sighed as he leaned against the wall and dropped his head. “Why is this so hard,”. 

“No, don’t give up Joe. The universe isn’t doing anything, you just have bad timing. You’ll find time to talk to her. You still have the rest of the day. Just breathe,” his subconscious said. 

So that’s what he did. He took a deep breath, walked back inside, apologized for his attitude, and went about the rest of the afternoon like he didn’t have something poking away at him until Ja’marr left. 

Now, you were finally alone again. You were in his bathroom freshening up and Joe was sitting on his bed, anxiously playing with his wristbands and waiting for you to come out so you could talk. He heard the door open and immediately looked up and saw you stepping out from the steamy bathroom in just a plain white towel, your wet hair falling against your shoulders.

“Sorry, I left my clothes on your nightstand,” you blushed as you walked over to the nightstand next to his bed. 

“Y- You’re good,” Joe gulped, his heart skipping a beat or two while watching you walk around his bedroom in just a towel. 

“I’m almost done and then you can go shower,” you gave him a thumbs up before going back into the bathroom and closing the door again. Joe nodded and then let out the breath he was holding in and cracked his neck, relieving some built-up tension you were creating for him. 

“She’s driving me insane in the best way possible,” Joe thought to himself. You were the only girl who could get him to feel like this, and that should be enough to validate his feelings for you. 

A few minutes later, you came back out in a white short skirt and black tank top, both of which were showing off a little too much skin for Joe’s liking but also making him even more attracted to you than he already was. 

“How do I look?” you asked as you gave him a twirl.

“You look..great,” he smiled (deep down wanting to say that you looked incredibly sexy) as you walked over to your suitcase and pulled out a pair of black-heeled boots. “But don’t you think it’s a little…”.

“Skimpy?” you chuckled. 

“I mean, I guess,” he said while scratching his neck. “It’s just that a lot of dudes around here have wandering eyes and well…”. 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll just pretend you’re my boyfriend,” you stuck your tongue out and teased, his heart stopping for a second because of the word ‘boyfriend’. “Their eyes will be focused on your fists instead of my ass if I call your name,”. 

“That’s…probably true,” he shrugged while he watched you zip your boots up. Nobody wanted to mess with the LSU star quarterback, and surely nobody wanted to mess with his girl. 

“Nice song choice by the way,” you pointed out, humming along to ‘Be My Baby’ by The Ronettes. 

Joe didn’t even realize what song had come on because he was too lost in thought to pay attention to what was going on around him. The fact that the song was about an instant love connection and the girl pining for a particular man was ironic considering it mirrored his situation except the roles were reversed and he was pining for the girl. 

“Our playlist as usual,” he winked, you sent him a warm smile in return. "It's nice to actually listen to it with you here,".

"It doesn't hit the same when we're listening to it alone, does it?" you asked.

"Nope, not even close," he shook his head.

“Check out my new boots,” you said while giving him another twirl, this one was a little unbalanced given that the boots were new and the heel was a little bigger than normal for you. 

“Woah, be careful,” Joe warned as he noticed you almost losing your balance. 

“I’m fineeee,” you twirled again, this time moving closer to Joe who was sitting on the bed. “Shit,” you yelped as the heel got caught in the carpet which caused you to trip, your body crashing down on Joe’s, sending him back against the bed and lying flat with you on top of him. 

“Oops,” you giggled as you lifted your face from Joe’s neck, his arms holding you in place as they were wrapped around your back, your chest pushed up against his, and your legs almost straddling him. 

“See what happens when you wear heels too big?” Joe laughed as he tried to stay calm over the fact that you were on top of him right now. “I thought you would’ve known better considering what happened on your 21st birthday,”.

“Crashed right into the waiter holding a platter filled with shots of Tequila,” you shook your head at the embarrassing memory and looked down on Joe his eyes stuck on your face as if he was lost in thought–which he was.

Once again, Joe was thinking about what he had been wanting to tell you all day. The feeling was only getting stronger as the moments passed by with you, and it was driving him insane. 

“What?” you laughed as you moved his hair out of his eyes, noticing the look in his eyes.

He didn’t say anything and just continued to stare into your eyes, his breathing getting deeper and his heartbeat getting louder. You looked absolutely gorgeous right now and all he wanted to do was kiss your pretty pink lips and forget about everything else around him, but he couldn’t do that until he said those three words to you.

“Joe, what’s wrong?” you said again, this time a little more seriously. 

“Y/N, I-,” he started to say before his phone interrupted you both. 

“I swear to god,” Joe thought to himself as he pulled out his phone from his pocket, his face going from cheery to irritated.

“Who is it?” you asked.

“Justin and Ja’marr. They said they’re hitting up the bar with some friends and asked if we wanted to come with them,” he sighed. 

“But what about dinner? I know you were excited to take me to that new Mexican place,” you pouted. 

“We can go with them if you want. I know you missed seeing everyone and I don’t want to keep you from them. We can grab dinner tomorrow,” he nodded. 

“Are you sure?” you asked as you slowly got off of him and sat down on the bed next to him once he got up. 

“Yeah,” he smiled at you. “I’m just going to take a quick shower and then we can head out,”.

“Okay,” you said while absentmindedly rubbing his hand which sent electric jolts throughout his body. 

He looked down at your hands, you quickly move it away once you realize what you were doing. “S- Sorry,” you blushed, your cheeks heating up as your stomach did a backflip.

“It’s alright,” Joe smiled, placing his hand on yours and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

Joe got up from the bed and grabbed a few things before going into the bathroom, stopping at the sink mirror and staring at himself for a few heartbeats. “Why can’t I just say it,” he whispered to himself.

Were these constant interruptions really from the Universe? It was starting to feel like they were and it was a sign telling him not to tell you, almost like a cue that he should let it happen naturally. 

“Naturally?” Joe whispered to himself. 

“Don’t force it, Joe. If you keep getting interrupted, this might be a sign that you shouldn’t force things between the two of you. This could screw things up with her but if you let everything fall into place on its own you might save this from crashing and burning,” his subconscious mind said. 

Maybe his subconscious mind was right. Maybe he just needed the world to give him the green light. These interruptions were the yellow lights warning him that if he told you how he felt, he might be facing a red light. If you didn’t feel the same way about him your friendship could be ruined and he didn’t ever want that to happen, so waiting might be the best way to go. If you were to bring it up, then he would tell you. But until then, he decided to not mention it again even if it was killing him internally. 

Joe never would have thought a girl could ever drive him so insane. You had the keys to him, the only person who could access his heart and the most intimate parts of him. So much of him depended on you; his happiness, his sanity, his mood. When you smiled, he smiled. When you shined, he shined for you. Your laughter was the best sound he had ever heard and he wanted to hear it for the rest of his life. Every time you talked, he couldn’t focus because all he thought about was how you two should be together. When he sat and watched you break down, he wanted to hold you and tell you that he was never going to leave you like the others did. When you would jump and fall, he wanted you to fall into him. He was all in for you, and he needed you to know it. But maybe the Universe was trying to prevent him from ruining what you two already had. 

Joe looked at himself in the mirror before letting out another exhausted sigh and dropping his face, “What are you doing to me, Y/N,” he whispered to himself before heading into the shower. 

A little later, Joe was freshly showered and had a clear mind for the first time all day and was lacing his shoelaces while you were laser-focused on the episode of SpongeBob that was playing on his TV, almost like you were caught in a trance.

He got up from the bed and grabbed his wallet and phone, slipping both into his pocket before looking over at you. “Y/N, we’re gonna be late,” he softly laughed.

“Shhh, it’s the hash-slinging slasher episode,” you said as you waved him off. 

Joe should have known better to put an episode of SpongeBob on in front of you. You would practically stay glued to the TV until the episode ended, maybe not even getting up after that because you would stay seated for the next episode. This was something you both had in common, no matter how old you two got SpongeBob would be a staple for the two of you. He always admired how you shared some of the same childish interests as him, no other girl being able to match his personality unlike you. 

Joe turned around and grabbed the TV remote, switched the TV off, and then walked in front of the screen and saw your upset face.

“Hey,” you grumbled, crossing your arms like a little child in annoyance. 

“We can finish it later, I promise,” he said, extending his hand out for you to grab and stand up. You stared at him for a few moments, not budging from your seat.

“You know I never break my promises,” Joe lightheartedly added, giving you a charming smile that warms your heart. It was true, he never broke any of the promises he made you. Wether it was sweet and silly like promising to buy you ice cream and call you after his games or serious like promising to never lose the connection you two had once he moved down to Louisiana for football; he always kept them. 

“You do have an excellent track record of living up to your word,” you smiled as you placed your hand in his. 

“And I intend to keep it going,” he said as he pulled you up from the bed.

About 20 minutes later, you made it to the bar and were walking towards the entrance. The loud music vibrated throughout the entire block and the strobe lights peeked through onto the street. “College bars are something else,” you laughed as you looked over at Joe, who was once again seemingly lost in thought. 

“Hey, you alright?” you asked him as you stopped walking, Joe not noticing until a few seconds later and then backtracking to you.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he nodded, his tone and demeanor not reassuring you that he was. 

“Joe, I know you too well to know when something is bugging you. You’ve been lost in a trance at least 4 times today and that’s way more than usual for you,” you said.

“She noticed? She noticed me lost in thought because I was thinking about her?” he thought to himself. 

“Are you bored? Am I boring you?” you giggled. 

“No, No. God, No,” he quickly shut that thought down. 

“Then what is it?” you questioned. 

“It’s nothing,” he brushed off, his secretiveness not sitting well with you. 

“Wait. You’ve been wanting to talk to me about something all day but we kept getting interrupted,” you said as you looked up at him. 

“Yeah..” he slowly nodded, his heartbeat picking up again because of where this was going.

“That’s what’s bothering you, Obviously,” you realized as you smacked your head. “And I kept forgetting that you needed to talk,”.

“It’s not a big deal Y/N,” he nervously laughed as he glanced around and refused to meet your eyes.

“Uhh, yes it is,” you said, moving your head so that his eyes met yours. “We always talk about important things with each other and I don’t want that to stop because of silly interruptions. So before we go with the others and end up getting super trashed and wasted, we should talk. What was it? What did you want to talk about all day?” you said while staring deeply into his eyes which looked like they were hiding something. 

Joe paused for a few seconds, his brain freezing just like his face. This was it. This was his chance to tell you what he had been feeling for years. He could finally tell you how much he liked you which was way more than the normal amount. You were it for him, and now he finally got you alone to tell you.

“This is it, Joe. This is what you’ve been waiting for. Tell her how much you like her and get your girl,” his mind was saying. “This is the universe letting it happen naturally. She brought it up this time, not you,”. 

“I-.....” he opened up his mouth, nothing coming out. 

“What is it?” you nervously chuckled while brushing your fingers over his hand. 

He paused for a few seconds, his heartbreaking before the words came out of his mouth. 

This time instead of his mind and subconscious, his heart spoke up. “It’s not the time,”.

“Never mind,” he forcefully smiled. “It’s not important,”. 

End of flashback 

It was so hard for him to say it to you back then but now it was like a reflex, he almost had a hard time stopping himself from saying it. 

“I love our life,” you giggled as you felt Joe smother you with kisses. 

“And I love you,” he smiled against your cheek. “More than anything in the world,”.

“Even more than you love Pumpkin Pie?”.

“Even more than I love Pumpkin Pie, my Looney Tunes sweatshirt, my gray jeans, and Football,” he said while giving you a loving squeeze.

“Wow, that’s a lot of love,” you raised your eyebrows. All 4 of those are things Joe couldn’t live without.  

“You sound surprised,” Joe laughed. “You’ve had me down bad for you since the first time I saw you,”. 

“Shut up,” you laughed as you turned your head to kiss his cheeks which were turning a little pink because of the cold weather.  “You should probably be getting ready to go to the team hotel,” you said as you looked down at your watch. 

“Mmmm,” he whined as he pulled you closer.

“I know, I know. But they’re going to send out a search party if you don’t make report time,” you giggled as you gently got out of his embrace and stood up, reaching out and pulling him up. “And I should probably head back to my place and get some sleep for tomorrow,”.

Joe looked up at you like you had two heads, the look on his face matching how he felt. “Back to your place? Just stay here,”. 

“At your house? Alone?” you questioned. You hadn’t stayed over at Joe’s place alone before, and truth be told it felt a little weird being there all by yourself even though you were literally moving in with him next month. 

“Correction, our house. And yeah, you’re moving in next month so why not?” he said as he reached out for your hand, helping you up the rocks and back to the trail where the golf cart was parked. It was weird for him to refer to his house as your house as well, the thought not registering in your brain yet.  

“It’s so weird to hear that,” you laughed. 

“Why? Am I that terrible to live with,” Joe said as he slid into the driver's seat.

“The worst,” you grumbled, sliding into the seat next to him with a cheeky grin on your face. 

“Ha Ha, very funny,” he said in the most monotone voice possible. 

“I’m just messing with you,” you said while running your fingers along his arm. “It’s just weird because I would have never expected to hear those words..our house,” you said. “It’s like a fairytale,” you said as you looked at the growing smile on Joe’s face, the smile that would take you to another planet. 

“Things change pretty quickly, don’t they?” he said as he glanced at you. 

“Very quickly,” you said as you leaned your head against his shoulder as he turned on the golf cart and started driving you both back up to the house. “But I'm also very glad they did,”.

“Me too,” he grinned. Joe was truly the happiest he’d ever been in his life at this moment, and it was all because of you. 

A Half-Hour Later 

“Did you get everything you need?” you asked Joe as you spun around on the kitchen barstool you were seated on. 

“Yeah, but I’m still going to come by tomorrow morning so I don’t have a ton to take with me right now,” he smiled as he placed his duffle bag down. 

“You’re not going straight to the stadium?” you asked as you took a bite of the brownies you had made earlier. 

“Nah. I’m gonna come by and then we can drive over together,” he smiled while walking over and grabbing a brownie from the pan. 

“Hmm, I don’t think you’re supposed to be eating that right now,” you said, grabbing his wrist. 

“One brownie won’t hurt,” Joe said, transferring the brownie to his other hand and taking a bite.

“Sweet treats can wait until after the game tomorrow,” you shook your head.

“Oh, trust me. I’ll be getting a sweet treat then too,” he winked at you before moving over to grab his water bottle from the counter.

“Focus, Joe. Focus,” you laughed as you placed your elbows on the kitchen island and your face in your hands, intensely staring at your boyfriend's muscular arms and then his dirty blonde curls that were being controlled by his backward cap.

“What’re you looking at?” Joe asked as he caught your gaze on him.  

“Just admiring you, like usual,” you smiled. 

“Admiring anything in particular?” he asked, placing his elbows down and mirroring your position. 

“Hmm, just your deliciously impressive biceps and your easily pullable hair,” you said as you gave him a heated look. 

“I should get going before this ends up going somewhere else,” he said as he stood up straight. 

“Probably a good idea,” you grinned as you slid off the barstool and walked over to the fridge, pulling out a container of some pumpkin bites you made with the brownies earlier.

“I thought you said no sweet treats?” he said while examining the continents of the container. 

“Well, there’s always a loophole for everything,” you shrugged. “These are healthy pumpkin energy bites. All the goodness of normal pumpkin bites but with healthier add-ins and ingredients,”. 

“You made these just for me?” he grinned as he took the box over to his duffle bag, then carefully placed it inside.

“Mhmmm,” you skip over to him and say. “You can eat them tonight or tomorrow morning. Up to you,”.

“Thank youu,” he said, grabbing your wrist and quickly pulling you into him causing you to bump your head against his chest.

“Mm, Hi,” you quietly laughed as you loop your arms around his neck and look up at him, his arms settling around your lower back with his hands firmly placed on your butt. 

“Hi,” he grinned while nuzzling his nose against yours before leaning in to kiss you, both of you relishing the taste of the chocolate from the brownies on each other’s lips. The kiss quickly became more intense as his hands started sliding up and down your body and the heat between you two increased from how close your bodies were to each other.

“Okay,” you panted while pulling away from the kiss, a dazed smile on your face.

“Focus. We need to focus,” he cutely nodded. 

“I gotta get you out of here,” you laughed while stuffing your face into his neck. 

“I’ll get myself out of here. No need to lift a finger,” he smiled while pressing a kiss to your head. “You just stay here and be Queen of the house,”.

“Bow to my throne you worthless peasant,” you teased in a silly voice.

“Damn, it’s already going to your head,” he raised his eyebrows. 

“I’ll have a crown and a butler by the time you’re back tomorrow morning,” you winked. 

“Okay,” he laughed. “But seriously, act like the Queen. Make yourself at home, this is all yours just as much as it is mine. You can go in any room, sit anywhere, re-arrange my things, do whatever. It’s all yours,”.

“So you don’t care if I sit naked in your office and re-watch hours of game tape of you looking sexy as hell while throwing a football?” you joked while wiggling your eyebrows.

“Nope,” he smiled. “Well, I do care about the naked in my office part. Maybe sit in there fully clothed and then we can do the naked bit after the game if you really want to,” he whispered in your ear. 

“You’re crazy,” you giggled as you looked lovingly into his starry blue eyes.

“Crazy about you,” he said before sealing the statement with a kiss. 

After a few more minutes of kissing and teasing each other, you were standing at the doorstep of the Garage and watching Joe put his stuff into the car. “Remember, call me if you need anything,” he said while opening the driver’s side door. 

“I will,” you smiled. 

“Okay,” he sighed as he quickly jogged over to you. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. I love you,” he said before pressing a final kiss to your lips.

“I love you, my perfect boyfriend,” you said while pecking his lips and ruffling his hair.

You watched as he got into the car and backed out of the garage, then gave you a quick wave before closing it and driving off. You turned around and closed the door behind you, letting out a deep breath as you looked around the quiet house, a smile forming on your face once you realized that this was your house now too. You loved this house, you loved your life, and you loved Joe, you just loved everything. There was so much love inside of you for the first time in a long time, and Joe was the one who brought it out. 

An hour later 

You took a quick shower in Joe’s bathroom (now your’s as well) and were now inside the massive closet, searching for another comfy sweatshirt of his to steal. “Hmm, this one should do,” you giggled as you pulled out another one of his many Bengals hoodies and slipped it on, his scent still lingering on the fabric. “Mmm,” you hummed as you brought the collar to your nose.

You were about to walk out of the closet before something caught your eye in the corner, your curiosity spiking as you walked closer to the little stand that he used to keep his cufflinks for his suits, but that wasn’t what caught your eye. What caught your eye were the photos taped to the wall above the stand.

There were 3 photobooth film strips taped to the wall, all of which were of you and Joe. 

“He’s such a teenage girl,” you giggled to yourself as you ran your fingers along the strips. The first one was from when you both went and saw Avengers Infinity War at the movie theater on opening night together back during your Ohio State days–both of you were raging Marvel nerds. The second one was from the Bengals pre-season party from last year–another event he brought you to before you were dating. Both of the photo strips were tied to sweet and flavorful memories until your eyes went to the third photo strip. 

This one was from LSU.

Flashback to 2019 – LSU

“..He told me he loved me, and I thought he m- meant it,” you cried into Joe’s chest. “ Am- Am I not enough?” your voice cracked as the tears fell harder. 

“Y/N you are enough, don’t ever say that,” Joe said as he rubbed your back, pulling you in tighter as you were both sitting on the curb of the parking lot.

“Then why did he go to her? Why did he feel the need to-,” you sobbed, your eyes burning from the amount of tears that were pouring out from your eyes. “As soon as I leave, he goes to her,”. 

You were currently visiting Joe at LSU during your Spring Break and he had brought you to Snappy’s Arcade tonight which was one of his favorite places to go around town. You spent some time playing air hockey and skeeball, shooting some hoops, playing all the old classic arcade games, and even winning a few prizes along the way. You both hit the photo booth per Joe’s request as well, making countless silly poses and memories that would last a lifetime not only in picture form but also in your hearts. You always had the most fun when you were with Joe, all of your worries instantly disappearing once you heard his adorable laughter and saw his comforting smile. Everything was going great until you looked at your phone which was blowing up with messages from your friends, messages you wished you had never read. 

“It’s like he was planning it. The second I’m 14 hours away he pretends like he doesn’t have a girlfriend, washes everything we’d built over the past year down the drain, and goes and does that with her? Knowing how hard it took me to open up to him in the first place because of what happened last time,” you sputtered. “And it’s even more fucked up because he knew how excited I was to come down here and see you,”.

“Y/N…,” Joe said, his heart hurting as you cried harder into his chest. 

“It’s not enough. It’s never enough,” you interrupted, your body shaking as a result of the plethora of emotions you were feeling. “I’m never enough, not for anyone,”. 

Joe felt his heart sink seeing you like this, especially because of a guy. You didn’t deserve to feel like this; unwanted, unloved, not enough. He wanted to mend your broken heart by telling you how extraordinary you were and how you had someone in your life who loved you beyond words and could give you the same love you gave others, but he just couldn’t get himself to tell you the second part—not now. But he could tell you the first. 

“Hey, look at me,” he said as he cupped your cheek and lifted your head to meet his soft eyes. “You’re so much more than you think you are. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re not enough. You’re one of the most loving and special people I’ve ever known and you deserve to be treated the same way you treat others, with limitless love. If Ryan can’t do that for you, then screw him,” Joe said as he rubbed your back again to calm you down. 

“Y/N, you deserve the world and more. You’re going to find someone that can give it to you, I promise,” Joe said as he gazed deeply into your red eyes, telling you the same thing you told him a few years ago on that beach. He wanted to be the one that gave you the world, so badly. 

“You’re literally anyone’s dream girl. You’re kind, funny, selfless, beautiful, and can hold a conversation about anything from which flavor of Gatorade is the best to a conversation about Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and Epistemology. You’re nerdy as hell but you're also the most football-involved girl I know, which shocked me when we first met considering most girls I know just like football for the eye candy. Anyway, you’ve got the looks, you’ve got the brain, you’ve got the personality, but most importantly you’ve got what’s in there.” he said as he pointed to your heart. “You have so much love inside of you. So much love to offer and show the world. You have it all. You’re more than enough,” he said. 

You looked into his deep blue eyes and could tell his words were genuine, he meant everything he said to you. His eyes always had a way of telling you things he couldn’t say with his mouth, and right now they were telling you many things. “Thank you,” you said as you stuffed your head back into his chest. “I swear you always know exactly what to say to me when I’m upset about something. It’s like you’re incapable of saying the wrong things, I don’t know what I’d do without you,”.

“You won’t have to worry about that. I’m always going to be in your corner,” he smiled as he moved you closer to him, both of you sitting on the curb in silence and just enjoying each other's warmth; his gentle touch soothing your worries. 

“Fruit Punch is the best by the way,” you spoke up a few moments later as you looked up at him.

“Hm?” he asked, a little confused by what you were talking about.

“Gatorade. Fruit Punch is the best,” you giggled.

“You’re insane. It’s obviously Lemon-Lime,” he shook his head as you laughed underneath him, the smile he loved to see coming back onto your face as your tears dried up. 

End of flashback 

You smiled at the end of the bittersweet memory, the one that would normally leave a sour taste in your mouth but didn’t because of Joe. He told you that you’d find someone who could give you the world, and he promised you this.

One thing about Joe, he always kept his promises. 

The person who could give you the world was under your nose the entire time and you had no idea. He was the one that wiped your tears every time you cried, he was the one that made you laugh until your stomach hurt, he was the one that always thought about you, he was the one that truly loved you. He promised you that you’d find that person who could give you the world, and you did.

Joe was the one that could give you the world.

—To be continued—

[lockedcemetary]

The Birth of Venus

a/n: this is probably bad, wrote it at 1 am and have never written before and doubt anyone will even see this. written with male/ gender neutral reader in mind but i don’t think i mentioned sex or gender at all, if anyone does see this and likes it or has feedback, tell me!

also not proofread lol

_______________________________________________

hannibal who asks you to be his muse for a nude portrait. He presents this request as politely and professionally as possible, to hide his true intentions. Hannibal who knows damn well he wouldn’t need a reference to properly etch your figure onto parchment, he’s already done it dozens of times.

You, being none the wiser, agree. Albeit a bit hesitantly, but you agree nonetheless. fast forward to the arranged date and time, he has unclothe yourself in his bathroom that’s attached to the master bedroom, for your comfort, he explains. he waits patiently with his sketchbook in hand, legs crossed away from your view. you pay no attention to his body language, but anyone who was even slightly educated on seeing the signs would be able to deduce that he was enjoying the situation in another light.

you exit the bathroom, a towel draped over yourself. you stand a bit over a yard away from him, unsure of what to do with yourself. he assures you that there is no need to be nervous, it’s just you and him, no danger or judgement. this eases you slightly, though he can tell you’re still tense.

he instructs you to place the towel on the desk behind you, and you follow. you turn back to him to see him already looking at you, is that desire in his eyes? Of course not, why would that be the case? he lets his eyes rake across you, taking in small details that he mentally stores away. he realizes he’s staring, and staring is rude, so he pulls his eyes back to his paper. this is when he begins his rough sketch, he will go in and clean everything up later. when he is happy with his sketch, finishing the outline with only a few stolen glances of the beauty in front of him, he looks back up. you’re looking at him, watching his hands in particular. from this angle you can make out the rough shape of yourself, it makes you blush a bit as you realize just the situation you remain in. he sees the pink dusting your cheeks and neck, but doesn’t comment on it. he simply stares.

he drags his line of sight onto the page once more, adding finer details as the minutes pass. he can feel it against his thigh now, but he dare not speak of it or even acknowledge it. this has never been a problem when it was just him, though he knew it would arise when you were standing in front of him as his hand graced the page. he flicks his eyes up for only a second, to regain his senses. the image was starting to take shape now. you could see it, and you recognized it? it was you, in the place of Venus in the renaissance painting The Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli.

you couldn’t make out the faces of the other three people in the image, but that wasn’t important. what was important was that Hannibal had led you here, just to simply take in your grace. you hadn’t known it, but this wasn’t simply a ploy to get you undressed in front of him, even if that was part of it. as elegant and chaste as hannibal likes to pretend he is. but he chose to memorialize you in the place of venus, the goddess of love, beauty, and sex. (atleast those are the motifs that apply here)

when he presented the image to you, your eyes widened on instinct. and you took a step forward to take the sketchbook from his hands and get a better look of it yourself, a better look of you, i suppose. Hannibal took note of the decreased proximity, and let his eyes wander. oh if only you knew how often you flitted about his mind. it’d end him, like you inevitably would.

________________________________

i was listening to the song Black Beauty by Lana Del Rey while writing this btw, good song.

[just-a-space-nugget]

Half-Life: The Employer AU

@sepko1 ‘s Gordon Geeman (or Freeman Immortal) has inspired me to revisit my own “Gman Gordon.” Funny enough, I made my Gman Gordon around the same time Sepko’s came about so I’ve had to change a lot to my own cause well.. mine was REAL SIMILAR to their’s lmao! But I feel like mine is more than just a “Gman” if you feel me? Mine is more like “the employer” in my eyes.

I may make a small “Au” or something around him. It would involve Sepko’s Geeman and even a few other people’s “Gman” type characters. Just because well the nature of the characters is based around the idea of multiple “Gmen” type people, being the employees. Each Universe has its own “Gman” that maintains the universe and each individual timeline they contain.

But the Employer. Who is the Employer? The Employer is the one who oversees all Universes, all timelines, all employees. Wouldn’t it be interesting.. if the Employer turned out to be a Gordon Freeman? Possibly even the very first instance of Gordon to exist in the Half-Life Universe. The Gordon from the very first timeline. The one who set the president for all. That would be my “Gman Gordon”

I’ve posted this before but here is the og Drawing. I may do a new one.

More info below if you are interested in my thoughts and ideas.

He would wear an edgy version of Gordon’s Black Mesa Uniform. His glasses would be tinted to conceal his eyes. He also has an HEV suit he sometimes wears that is also in more dark edgy colors rather than orange to keep him hidden. He can be seen holding a black mesa brief case (like Gman) but is more commonly seen holding a Black Mesa clipboard with what feels like infinite paper but only appears to have two or three sheets on it at all times.

Depending on what he wants to look at or what he needs the second or next page of the clipboard changes. The first page is always the cover of the Black Mesa employee handbook.

He barely retains any of his original self. He purposefully suppresses his human side to keep himself focused on his job. He still has his own Universe. He no longer maintains it, instead he has left it in the hands of the og Gman who he employed long ago to keep it safe. He occasionally visits it. It serves as a place where he can go to think and feel “at home.” Deep inside he mourns his Universe. Mourns a time when he was still human. Now he knows that all instances of himself and the people he cares for despise him. Even though no one knows he is the “Employer” (except those he has employed) everyone always thinks the ideals of the many Gmen and their employer are working against them since they seem to have done nothing but harm their ways of life, emotions, and morals. Gordon The Employer has to face the fact that everyone he cared for now want him and his plans dead. When all he wishes to do is keep all timelines and Universes flowing. He wants to do what is best for each instance of everyone including himself.

After all if he had never made the choice to pull The Freeman into stasis for 20 years, who would stop the Combine? How would things have played out? Yes the choice to force Alyx into employment is morally wrong, but those are human morals. When it comes to the greater good of the universe and its timelines, human morals do not apply.

Time is not a concept that applies to The Employer. He is everywhere, anywhere, yet no where all at once. He is a singular entity but is sometimes referred to in the plural as “The Employers”

Alternative Universes and timelines of each are constantly appearing, constantly changing, evolving. The Employer must be able to handle the task of assigning each new universe with its own set of boundaries, key events each iteration of the first timeline must follow, and its very own Gman that must abide by these rules and maintain the new Universe accordingly. It is not an easy job, but he has done it since the beginning of time and deep at his core he is still a scientist, and scientists thrive in challenges such as these. And with each Universe came new challenges, new threats to his plans and to the plot each timeline should follow. As time goes on he realizes a pattern all instances of himself, Eli, Alyx, and in some cases Vortiguants have begun to rebel against his employees. A Little deviation from the core plot is not is not a big deal, things can be nudged to fix such things, but too much is seen as a threat and must be dealt with accordingly.

Each “Employee” or “Gman” must stem from somewhere. The Employer originally kept to a strict pattern of using different variations of the same “Gman” across universes. But eventually he saw the potential for employing those he cared for, especially ones from timelines where he saw they had potential. Slowly The Employer began to replace original “Gmen” with the newly trained and employed Employees. All was well, he even spoke with them individually, assisting (as best he could) with their transition from being human to a “Gman” including the emotional and mental strain that can cause. (However with his own emotionless habits it proved to be less than effective or comforting for the others.)

All was well. Until he decided to try and employ.. himself. And thats where Sepko’s Geeman comes in.

At first he does nothing but watch from a far. When the gman set to maintain and train the new Employee turns up missing, and his other Employees’ ties to the Universe are served, he has no choice but to personally intervene. For the first time since the beginning of time he has to step out of the shadows and introduce himself to the rest of the Half-Life Universe. Having no choice but to collaborate with the Alyx and Vortiguants of this Universe in order to come up with a solution. At first it does not go as planned. Everyone in the universe rejects him and attacks him. Never giving him a chance to introduce himself or speak. Simply mistaking him for the rouge employee.. or The Freeman Immortal. Having to actually interact with those he cared about for the first time in… a while.. is challenging. Not just for the obvious reasons but because it touched the side of him he had long since suppressed. The Gordon Freeman part of him.

[technicallywrite]

I’m going to say this one time on main and then I’m dropping out of this discourse because I’m too old for this.

“To be fair some of these labels are understood and used differently by different communities as well as people whose personal journey has been different. Even with the internet (and keep in mind some of us formed our foundational understanding of a lot of this stuff before the internet was a thing), depending on what trajectory you took coming in, you might end up with rather different definitions. Language is difficult and our experiences and interpretations may be less universal than we think.”

I said this as a comment on a recent post and I feel like elaborating a tiny bit. (I will probably regret it)

I’ve seen it said that “bisexual has always meant attracted to all genders, even in the Olden Days,” and I have to admit my honest reaction is: where, and to whom? Because that is so far outside of my lived experience, I have to imagine it refers to people in incredibly progressive mini-communities; the kind you read about because they who wrote manifestos in the back of smoke-filled bars (/pos).

Because here’s the thing. When I was growing up and having my formative experiences of gender in the 1980s and 1990s, even the *concept* of there being genders besides man/woman wasn’t a thing. It wasn’t edgy or discriminated against; it was unheard of.

As a teenager in the early 1990s in a nowhere place outside the US, I never even encountered the idea that there may be other genders, or that you could be non-binary or anything like that. It just wasn’t a thing.

Does that mean people didn’t feel that way? God no; I personally had a ton of feelings that in retrospect I’m like— ohhhhhhh!? That kinda makes sense now. But at the time we didn’t have the vocabulary for it. (And no we didn’t have the internet)

Maybe they did in New York; maybe they did in London, and in San Francisco. But in my corner of the world, nope. (And no don’t get me started on how Anglo centric all this discourse is.)

So those of us in that kind of setting (dare I say, probably the majority), we grew up with a certain set of options, and certain words solidified in our minds with certain meanings.

As a result, I will bet you whatever you want that if you take someone of my generation who identifies as bisexual and who wasn’t an unusually cool edgy motherfucker (/pos) in the 1990s, they most probably mean it in the old fashioned binary way. They mean they swing both ways, operative word ‘both’.

(Serena Campbell, renowned if fictional quinquagenarian bisexual extraordinaire: probably not considering options outside the traditional binary)

And that is FINE. It’s OKAY. It doesn’t mean anything outside of what it means for them personally.

Nowadays (really showing my age there, I know), the mainstream meaning of the word bisexual seems to have evolved to a much more expansive/inclusive definition than what I grew up with. That’s great! And yet it doesn’t mean people who have been using it for themselves for decades in a narrower sense will or even should apply the version update.

I’ve had a few people call me biphobic for my stupid ice cream joke, and I can’t quite figure out if it’s because they think I would look down on bisexuals for having a binary conception of gender (I wouldn’t) or because they feel it’s insulting to imply that bisexual-identifying folks would necessarily have a binary-only conception of gender (not what I meant but I can see how it could be read that way).

In either case (though I suspect it’s probably the latter), I want to gently hold their face in my hands and say, my friend, you need to let go of this attachment to policing other queer people’s use of gender labels, and also please for the love of all that’s holy to you, stop looking for malice in every third word.

EDIT: I should add that I deleted the ice cream post because it was clearly causing hurt that I never meant to cause in the first place.

[annoyinglandmagazine]

@silmarillionepistolary Lord Maedhros of Himring

Prince Nelyafinwë Maitimo Russandol of The Noldor

I’ve sent my latest ledger alongside this and I believe you know by now that there is no chance of you finding a fault with it so let’s not shall we? You will not be able to prove anything with any group of accountants you can cobble together from those battle fixated imbeciles in your employ and it’s not as if I intend to withhold aught from you.

I agree begrudgingly that we must approach things from a united perspective, why I even agreed to give Celegorm a loan recently, for military matters apparently though I have my doubts, and I certainly won’t see a coin of it returned without having to write him much more persistently than I like to. He’ll yield eventually, he always does. Though it would be faster if you applied some pressure as well I’m close to getting Ambarussa on side and he’s always been putty in their hands so your assistance isn’t strictly necessary this time.

I am aware that when you talk about the risks of fighting amongst ourselves you are including the Arafinwean and Nolofinwean elements but I am simply electing to ignore that excessively ambitious request. The only ‘us’ that matters to any extent here is the seven of us and our followers and I think, considering I would say those relationships are all in a relatively good place presently, you should cut your losses and accept the win on that front.

You can’t fix all the Noldor, Maedhros, and the sooner you manage to accept that the better as far as I’m concerned. Besides, from what I hear of your own particular diplomatic skills in regards to a certain Nolofinwean you should have an in there no matter what the rest of us do. Curufin and I think you don’t take advantage of it anyone near regularly enough when all of Beleriand knows he would not refuse you any favour you may ask of him but I suppose that’s your own prerogative; we can count on his support on the more dire situations for your sake which is something in any case.

I trust my last shipment of wool will have reached you by the time you receive this; which is all for the better considering I have heard from reliable sources (Maglor but even so) that the weather has taken a sharp turn into an early winter. It was your decision to settle so far north when you could have shunted it on to those Arafinwean brats so you shan’t get my sympathy on that matter but it wouldn’t do for us to lose our mannish recruits to the cold, without all the soldiers we can get our position in the north will quickly become untenable.

In reference to your last letter I do wish that you would stop nagging me about said Arafinwean brats, Nelyo, I have been entirely well behaved in my dealings with them in recent months and am entitled to place whatever taxes I wish on my own exports. If they are unhappy with this they can go elsewhere, they certainly shouldn’t go whining to my older brother to get a discount on my perfectly standard rates.

The disparity you pointed out between their rates and your own was entirely unfounded as I am naturally giving you a discount as head of the house of Feanor and my boneheaded older brother who decided he’d like to freeze to death while fighting off Morgoth armed only with fury. So really you should be thanking me but I am used to receiving no gratitude for my efforts with this family so I shall let it slide.

As for the comparisons you drew between other rates and their’s, if you had time to peruse them I have a list of criteria for which I give lower prices and why they apply to specific groups, ledgers upon ledgers of meticulous, complex calculations, Nelyo dear. Dorothion just happens to meet none of them by pure chance.

On the matter of my trade to the west I think the plan you detailed in your last letter sounded quite satisfactory. I assume you have already begun on having the diplomatic groundwork laid down so we receive ample credit as the benevolent saviours of their economy for the deal I ran by you?

It’s rather ingenious I have to say, I’m sure your end of it will work perfectly and you needn’t worry about the wording of the deal itself, it’s quite brilliant if I do say so myself. Irreproachable really, Fingolfin won’t be able to find any justification to turn it down without looking hopelessly petty. Maybe have Maglor spread a bit of propaganda, some catchy song with subliminal messaging and the like, he’s quite useful for that I suppose. It’s a pleasure doing business with you as always.

I should pay a visit to Himring next summer if all goes to plan, I would only be staying about three months mind; it’s looking to be a busy year and I’ve already got two important trade deals lined up for the autumn that I should be east for at the final stages. I warn you this far in advance because I know your Fingon tends to travel north in the warmer months and I’m sure you would like to avoid any overlap after last time with Curufin.

I recommend you issue an official invitation for a state visit soon, it makes it simpler to write things off as diplomatic expenses on my payments to Fingolfin and it is going to be a hard winter after all. I look forward to it, I haven’t seen you in quite some time now, I miss you. Keep an eye on Maglor, his expenditure has been lower than usual recently and while it hasn’t crossed the threshold of a concerning change best watch for anything out of the ordinary.

No I am not giving you a source for my information on his accounts, I have my ways and I’ll leave it there. On an entirely unrelated note now would be an excellent time to see if Belegost may be more open to a military agreement with Himring than it was previously. I have my ways.

The Lord Caranthir of Thargelion

Prince Morifinwë Carnistir of The Noldor

[peaceofflights]

“What’s Three Years in the Eyes of Eternity?”

Rated: T for swearing, drug use, making out, slight references to sex.

Warning: slight age gap relationship. (And I made Wally 18).

Pairings: Wally Clark x Reader, Slight Wally Clark x Maddie Nears

Word Count: 4,000 (dear lord how did that happen.)

A/N: Honeslty I love this series and wanted to add some of my own stuff. It’s definitely not beta read so you have been warned. Might go back and edit later, but if I’m being honest probably not. If people like it I’m thinking of making it into a series.

Even though you knew a lot of people who went to Split River High you always felt lucky that you didn’t have to be one of them. Though you wouldn’t call yourself exceptionally talented, growing up in musical theatre gave you a certain edge compared to your peers and landed you across town at an arts school for “gifted” children when it came time for highschool. Before death you could count all the times you had been to the public highschool on one hand, all of which had been to see your brother’s football games. It felt like a long shot when you applied to teach the school’s summer camp of guys and dolls, but when you actually got the job it felt like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

Then again they did pull a weight off your shoulders… well the majority of the catwalk when it collapsed and crushed you to death, but that’s a technicality. Being 21 is hard enough, but being 21 for eternity surrounded by high schoolers, that’s your own personal hell.

Don’t take it the wrong way, all the ghosts were nice enough. You’d think because you and Mina had similar death experiences you would be fast friends…unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Due to her young age you and Mina seemed to only have a love for the arts in common. And unlike you, her accidental death seemed to make Mina bitter, never leaving the theater. Even though the theater felt most like home to you it made the place unbearable to be in, leaving you to roam the halls.

Most days were spent goofing off with Charley. He was a good kid, he reminded you a lot of your friends in highschool. You both liked to think that if you had been in school at the same time you would have been inseparable, but who really knows.

It took Rhonda some time to get used to you. Since you’re both known for a dry sense of humor it took a while to figure out if you were joking or insulting the other. Even still people couldn’t figure out if you were friends or sworn enemies… and honestly you two liked keeping it that way.

Then there was Wally Clark.

Six foot three golden retriever disguised as a jock Wally Clark. It’s funny because you spent your whole life making fun of football players and now you're trapped in purgatory with one. One that was funny, and smart, and always knew how to make you smile. Who if you actually were honest with yourself is the best part of being stuck at Split River High.

It didn’t matter what you two were doing whether it was golf cart joyriding, smoking the weed you found in some weird stoners kids’ lockers, or even learning the moves to dirty dancing (which for some reason there is a copy of stashed in the teacher’s lounge). Life with Wally was good.

But that didn’t change the fact that he was 18.

Something you reminded him of quite often, though Wally always seemed to have his own comebacks.

“What’s three years in the eyes of eternity?”

Or

“Technically I was born in the sixties… I’m older than you.”

Or his personal favorite;

“Can you shut up so we can make out already?”

Yeah, Wally Clark was probably the love of your after life… he just didn’t need to know that. It didn’t matter how many times you turned him down he always came back, patiently waiting for when you would be ready to say yes. It was your routine, and you were more than happy to keep it that way. But I guess Maddie Nears was the day that changed.

—————————

“y/n/n, y/n/n, y/n/n”

You could already hear Wally running down the hall calling your nickname even before he turned the corner. You couldn’t help but laugh and play along.

��Wally, Wally, Wally.”

Suddenly you two were standing face to face, maybe just a step too close for dramatic effect. His over the top waving at you made you crack a smile, making you completely miss the small blonde standing behind him.

“Y/N there is someone I’d like you to meet… Y/N, Maddie, Maddie, Y/N.”

Your smile dropped for all of half a second before you forced it back onto your face. New ghosts might not come very often but they definitely stuck around so you needed to make a good impression. You reached out to shake her hand, she took it and smiled.

She took in your appearance for a moment before cracking a joke; “what are you? Some kind of camp counselor?” Gesturing to your tie dyed shirt and jean shorts.

“Um, yeah actually.” You replied, scratching the back of your head.

You both awkwardly laughed, shifting your weight from side to side, waiting for the conversation to be over. It was clear you two weren’t about to be best friends. But it was one ghost, not much in your life was going to change.

——————————

It felt like your whole life had changed. In the span of a week you went from having your friends whenever you wanted them, to feeling like Maddie was taking up all of their time.

You weren’t dumb, you knew Maddie was going to need friends here too, and if you looked at it objectively there were only so many options for her to choose from. It was stupid to feel jealousy when they hadn’t really gone anywhere at all. It’s not like any of you could roam too far.

But your days spent gossiping with Charley were now spent reading books in the library. And nights of golf carting with Wally were now spent laying alone on the football field gazing at the stars. Even Rhonda seemed too busy for you, all three seemingly absorbed in Maddie’s recent murder.

You were currently on your way to see what Dawn was up to when you heard a familiar sound coming from a classroom.

But it couldn’t be.

You swore your ears were deceiving you until you heard a familiar voice say;

“You’re telling me you’ve never seen Dirty Dancing? Come on Maddie, it’s a classic!”

Your ears weren’t deceiving you at all! That was the sound of Hungry Eyes playing through one of the tv’s dragged into a classroom.

Look it shouldn’t have bothered you, it’s just a stupid movie. Well not a stupid at all, Dirty Dancing was one of the best movies of all time. Maddie was dumb for not having seen it in life, so obviously it was a must watch in her afterlife. But this wasn’t about the movie at all, but what it represented: this was yours and Wally’s movie. The movie you both knew every line to. The movie that you’ve spent years trying to learn the choreography to, and he was watching it with another girl.

“A classic? I don’t know if I would go that far. Was this movie even out when you were alive?”

You should’ve gone in there and yelled at him. You should have told him off for doing your special thing with somebody else. You should have at least listened outside the door to the rest of their conversation, but you didn’t.

——————————

Ever since Maddie joined your little group your life felt like it had been a whirlwind. You didn’t even realize just how much you were missing out on or how much time had passed until you walked into the school gymnasium.

“Shit, is it homecoming already!? I’m sorry Wally, how could I forget?” You exclaimed as you plopped down in front of the hand painted banner the crew was currently working on.

How could you have forgotten about the homecoming game? Despite the game not meaning anything to you, you knew it meant everything to Wally. Sure, you never went to a homecoming game while you were alive, but now that you knew how much it meant to him you spent every year making it as special to Wally as possible.

You along with the rest of the support group made sure to make him feel appreciated. With a homemade banner and decorations, Wally was well celebrated on his death date.

Plus it always made up for the fact that every year he asked you to the homecoming dance, and every year you said no.

“I’m 21, I don’t need to go to another shitty school dance.”

Or

“You really want to go to the dance with the school chaperone?”

So every year Wally went to every school dance alone. And every year you spent the night locked away in some random space blasting Hair or whatever music you could get your hands on.

It was better that way. It helped you keep some remembrance of your old life. It was often difficult to remember you had a life outside the school before you died. And it kept Wally from realizing that he could do so much better than you. The closer he got to you emotionally the more he’d notice he’s way better than the musical theatre dork you are. Even in your adult life you were a loser, you came back to teach summer camp because you couldn’t pay your bills.

“You okay cherry pop, or did the mere sight of lover boy’s ass send you into a coma?”

It wasn’t until you heard Rhonda’s snide remark that you were pulled out of your spiraling thoughts.

That’s when you realized that Wally had left the gym, with Maddie (figures), and you (probably) stared at his ass while he did.

“Hey, what's wrong with you lately? You seem even more moody and distant than usual, and that’s saying something coming from you.”

You shrugged at Rhonda’s words “I don’t really want to talk about.”

“You think I want to talk through your oh woe is me crap? Trust me I don’t. But I’m getting tired of dealing with everyone’s stupid problems by myself, so spill tootsie roll.”

Your second shrug of the conversation had Rhonda groaning, but quickly cut herself off when she realized what all this was about.

“That is what this is about? You know for a college girl you really are stupid. Do you really think Wally could ever replace you? That boy hasn’t stopped drooling since your heart stopped. If you were half as smart as you think you are you’d get your head out of your ass and finally go lay one on him.”

And just as quickly as the conversation with Rhonda started she was out of the door. But this time you knew your friend was right, you needed to fix the situation and fast.

—————————-

In a way you were killing two birds with one stone. There was no way you could go to the game in your t-shirt and shorts, for some reason even ghosts got cold. But looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror dressed in lost and found stolen jeans and Wally’s jacket you couldn’t help but feel confident.

You knew it was cheesy to show up to Wally’s football game wearing his letterman jacket and express your undying love for him. But you knew Wally, and he was absolutely going to love it.

You gave yourself one more once over before you decided to head out, trying to fix your forever slightly sweaty hair from the hot summer sun. This was it, this was your moment.

As the game started you quickly snuck out to the bleachers to hide out until the perfect moment. This part was nerve racking, but also probably your favorite. Watching Wally in his element was enduring and made you think about all the time you had missed out on by his side, all because you were too stubborn to tell him the truth. You ducked down as you saw him start to climb the bleachers to sit down next to his mother, but seemed to be caught by an entirely different ghost.

“Girl, I hardly recognized up here all by yourself in your-“

Charley cut himself off when he noticed what you were wearing.

“Has he seen it yet?” He asked with a special glint in his eyes.

Your cool and collected attitude was thrown out the window as the strong blush on your cheeks gave you away. “No, he hasn’t. I was waiting until he was done with his quality time with his mom to surprise him. It’s not too much is it? I know I should have just sat him down and told him-“

“No, no, no trust me, he’s going to love it. That boy is going to die when he sees you.”

“Hasn’t he already done that?” You softly laughed at your own joke, but Charley just deadpans at you, rubbing his temples dramatically like you’re the Bain of his existence.

“You’re gooood.” He quickly drops his annoyed act to smile warmly at you. “Wally lives for grand gestures, he might actually cry.”

You just smiled at your friend. He’s right about one thing, if Wally loves anything it’s a grand gesture, and now felt like the best time to do it, but as you scan the bleachers you realize he’s nowhere to be seen.

————————————

It felt like eternity until you finally found Wally. The game ended about thirty minutes prior when you finally see him walking behind the stadium, extra swagger to his step.

“Hey Wally! I’ve been looking for you all over! What’s got you in such a fantastic mood?” You giggled to yourself like a schoolgirl, this is it.

“I just asked Maddie to the homecoming dance and she said yes! You know as friends, I mean we’re going as friends. But she’s new and I figured it would be nice for her to know she has a friend In the afterlife. It also gives me someone to go to the dance with and -“ he continued to ramble on but you were no longer listening.

Your heart felt like it lived at the bottom of your stomach. It was silly of you to assume that he’d still want to go to the dance with you after how many times you’ve rejected him. It’s silly that at your age you want to go to the dance at all. These were things you never even thought about in your adult life, but here you were about to cry because some stupid 18 year old jock would rather go with a girl who was willing to immediately agree to a date with him instead of some bitch who’s turned him down how many times in the last fifteen years. Yes it all made perfect sense to you, but it didn’t stop you from wanting to cry yourself to sleep in the girls locker room.

“Hey, is that my jacket?” His words finally took hold in your ears.

“Um yeah!” You stuttered. “My clothes aren’t exactly weather appropriate, and I figured you wouldn’t need it tonight. I hope that was okay.”

“Yeah of course! That’s what friends are for!” He smiled, ruffling your hair before moonwalking out.

———————————

Of all the things you thought you would do this year, getting help from Mina wasn’t even on your metaphorical bingo sheet. But there you were, a hour before the dance having Mina help you sew together a dress fit for homecoming.

You thought it would take a lot more to get her to help you, but her assessment of the situation was simple.

“All technical work is underappreciated by the actors.”

You weren’t sure how that translated to your current conversation, but she wasn’t wrong. We were both stagehands, and stagehands stuck together.

With an extra set of hands putting together a dress wasn’t as difficult as you thought it would be, and for the first time since your death you were ready for the homecoming dance.

——————————

Running your fingers over your baby pink dress you spotted the others standing in a circle by the punch bowl. You wiped the sweat from your hands onto your bodice before making your way over to them. If you had a functioning heart it would be beating faster than ever before.

“Hey guys, fancy seeing you here” You smiled, stealing a sip of Charley’s drink. Your false sense of chill would make others believe you did this every year, but the tapping of your heel on the floor made it obvious that you did not.

“Fancy seeing you here? That’s all you’ve got to say? You look gorgeous!” Charley the ever kind soul that he is says, giving you a half hug in the process.

“You do baby cakes! Who knew you had such nice tits under all that tie dye.” Rhonda’s voice cracked in her signature vocal fry, pinching at your waist trying to get a better look at your figure.

“Mhm” You smiled. “I’ve missed out on a lot of these things. I definitely owe it to my friends to make up on some lost time.” You looked directly at Wally as you finished your sentence, he swallowed hard before averting his gaze. He quickly put on a false over the top smile and grabbed Maddie’s hand while she was taking a sip of her punch. “Come on Maddie let’s dance!”

———————————

Wally POV

Wally laughed as he tossed and turned Maddie around the room flamboyantly, but couldn’t help but watch you through the corner of his eye sighing into your punch as you twirl your pinky finger along the glass.

“You know I think you came with the wrong girl.” Maddie said, breaking Wally from his trance.

“What?”

“Ever since she walked into the room you can’t stop staring at her. It’s clear that you like her. Wally we came as friends, if you want to go ask her to dance it’s not going to hurt my feelings.”

Wally wiggled Maddie’s arms with humor but the look on his face was anything but.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about her, she’s made it very clear she’s not interested. Do you know how many times she’s turned me down in the last fifteen years? Way too many times for me to deem her into me.” He stated as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“All I’m saying is that a girl doesn’t wear your jacket to your death date and show up to a dance she’s never once wanted to go to unless she’s at least a little bit interested.”

“Or something like that.” Wally replied back before smacking his happy go lucky façade back on attempting to teach Maddie his moonwalk moves.

———————

Y/N POV

That’s when you heard it, your song.

“And this one was requested by that weird kid, you know who you are. Next time put on a tie.” The dj said dramatically in the annoying voice only dj’s are allowed to talk in.

“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” begins to vibrate through the gym as Maddie Nears comes to stand next to you.

“I had Simon request the song for you.” Maddie says simply looking off into the distance with you at Wally and the rest of your friends across the room, you had been too busy sulking to sit with them.

“I know it’s kind of your guy’s song.” She continues; “ I figured you two could use a little push.”

You're immediately puzzled. “How did you-“

“That dude is absolutely obsessed with you.” She smiled. “Plus when we watched the movie he wouldn’t shut up about the fact that it was your favorite and you guys had spent the last fifteen years memorizing the choreography, it only felt right.”

You gave her a big hug before whispering in her ear “thank you”.

“Now hurry up” she laughed, “This song is only like five minutes long.”

You rolled your eyes at her before making your way across the room. Yes, this was dramatic, and yes it should have embarrassed you, but for once it didn’t. When you finally made it across what felt like an ocean of people you tapped Wally on the shoulder even though he was already looking at you, stretched out your hand and said;

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner”

Wally smiled before shaking his head and grabbed your hand leading to the middle of the dance floor.

It didn’t matter that the song was already halfway over, you started your choreography regardless, laughing the whole way through it. Every part of it felt like a flirtatious inside joke. It made you realize just how much you missed your best friend. You held him as close to you as you could in peaceful silence until he stepped back from you three steps nodding his head. This of course was the best part so you nodded back and started stepping backwards.

As he lovingly put it each time, if you fell you fell. He would always break your fall, you were both dead anyway. However, just like actual Johnny and Baby you had practiced the move in the pool countless times before you got it right. Now despite the time away from the routine you trusted that both of you knew this lift like the back of your hand, and you were not disappointed when you got a running head start into your jump and were caught gracefully by a strong set of arms.

When Wally placed you down onto the ground again he smiled, pulling you as close as humanly possible.

“You know, I always thought the point of us learning this dance was so we could pull it out at every school function and show all these other losers who’s who.” He laughed clearly, making a joke out of the unspoken.

“They can’t see us anyway” You smirked, resting your arms around his shoulders. “But you're right, I’m sorry it took me this long to come to the dance with you.”

“Sweetheart, have you already forgotten? Maddie is my date to dance.” He smiled, lovingly pushing you away before grabbing you again as fast as he could.

“But I can give you the next best thing,” he said, looking down at you. “Be my date next year?”

“I can do you one better,” You smiled. “Go to prom with me?”

“I don’t knowwwww darling, might bring down my popularity to go to the prom with a chaperone.”

“Hey Wally?” You boink him very lightly on the nose. “Can you shut up so we can make out already?”

You didn’t have to tell him twice. His mouth was on yours in less time than you had to take a breath. Immediately you feel like you need to breathe but if lack of oxygen is your only problem right now then you’ll gladly take it.

His arms moved from rubbing up and down your arms to slowly being snaked around your waist pulling you in tight. You stayed wrapped up in his musky scent for what felt like eternity. You felt his hands slowly start to migrate south when you hear a low whistle from behind you.

“Alright kids break it up, nobody here wants to watch you two defile each other on top of the snack bar.” Of course Rhonda would be the one to break the two of you up after pawing at each other like cats in heat. But she was right about one thing, you definitely felt like a kid again in the best possible way.

“Haha laugh it up Rhonda, you’re just jealous. I know everyone wants to ride the pony.” He smirked, giving her a joking wink.

“Alright Stallion.” You said patting him on the shoulder. “Time to go.”

“Where are we going?” He asked as he intertwined his fingers with yours.

“The teacher’s lounge.” You said giving him a similar wink he just gave to your friends.

While you tried to catch your breath as he dragged you through the halls at dare you say a record pace, you realized Split River High might not be as bad as you thought

[midnightsun-if]

A small culmination of answers to some of the more immediate questions one could have about Midnight Sun. (This will be updated as needed.)

What is the rating for Midnight Sun?

Midnight Sun, as you may have seen (though it’s easy to have missed) on the top of the blog, is rated 18+. As it contains: explicit language, sexual themes, alcohol consumption, depictions of blood, and more that’ll crop up as it continues.

How old is the MC?

The MC is 100 Years Old, born in 1923.

How old was the MC when they were turned?

The MC was 23/24.

Will there be an option to be trans?

The MC is not canonically trans, no. I apologize to anyone that sees that as deal breaker when playing Midnight Sun as I know having that option is important to some people. If you’d like you can always send me an ask (or private message) and I can try my best to recommend you games that has the option included and I personally think are good. Thank you for your time regardless though. 💜

What do the classes mean?

The classes are pretty much an indicator for potential skill sets that your MCs could have. They do not define your personality, mainly offering unique dialogue sequences/scenes, and will offer subtle nuances to various moments later on.

What genre (or genres) is Midnight Sun?

Midnight Sun is a mixture of things: Romance, adventure/action, high supernatural fantasy, drama, a bit of mystery, with a small touch of slice-of-life.

How do you feel about NSFW asks?

I don’t mind them in the slightest (within reason, of course)! In case anyone wants to know, and this is something you’d like to know right off the bat, I’ve already answered the Top/Bottom ask here!

What is the Etheric Court?

The Etheric Court is the court that rules over all of the supernatural world— with House Aurelia, and the Eclipse Throne, being at the center of it all.

Is everyone in the family a vampire?

Yes. Every member of your family is a vampire.

Did Helena/Saraya change the MC?

Yes. Both of them bit your neck and wrists (respectively).

What does the “non canon romance” tag mean?

It’s pretty much a tag for the people that would like to romance the siblings— Cienna, Persephone, Christian— and the aforementioned tag is implemented to make sure others don’t get confused about said romances, and the asks they cause, being canon.

Are the family a big part of the story or will they only be mentioned briefly?

The MCs Family are, in fact, quite a big part of the story, but potentially not for the reasons you may expect. You’ll be seeing more of them later down the line, though you will still be able to get into contact with them, but that’s spoilers if I continue.

What is the link?

PLEASE READ (ABOUT SCARLETT/KODA)

It’s to a post that’ll help detail some things about Scarlett and Koda— though it mainly refers to Scarlett, everything said still applies to Koda. Mainly to do with their sexualities within Midnight Sun.

Will there be polymances added?

At the current moment? No. Does that mean it’s a definite no? Not in the slightest. We’ll see what the characters, and their ever evolving dynamics, tell me as I continue on writing— I don’t want to make a polymance and then have it feel forced because it’s something that someone wanted to see. I want it to feel organic and actually like a relationship.

Will there be explicit scenes?

Yes! You’ll get the options to experience said scenes, fade-to-black, or not participate at all!

Can the ROs die?

Isn’t that spoilers? (Kidding: I wouldn’t say they can die, but that doesn’t mean that nothing will happen either.)

Will we be locked out of a romance if we don’t get enough points?

Absolutely not! In a later chapter, you’ll be given the option to “lock” into a romance (regardless of how many points you may have with said character). Will more romance points— that you achieve by flirting and actively spending time with said character— create a more fulfilling experience? Yes, I believe so, but it’s not an absolute requirement.

Why isn’t Scarlett gender-selectable? Is she a lesbian?

I answered it more in depth within this ask, but Scarlett isn’t gender-selectable mainly because I felt like she’d work best as who she is now, which also includes her sexuality. And, yes, Scarlett is a lesbian. (Just like Koda is gay.)

Would Koda and/or Scarlett date a Trans MC?

I also know that this has been questioned before, but Koda/Scarlett wouldn’t be attracted to a Trans MC, although this won’t be a factor in any case because the MC isn’t canonically Trans (FtM or MtF). I know this may upset people, for that I apologize, but I can try to recommend stories that would fit what you’d like to see!

Who is August?

August will be the RO that’s just for NB!MCs, but it may take a bit before they’re actually implemented because I want to get a certain way through the story before I try to figure out how to fit them in. Their basic character design, and rough outline for their route, has already been completed — I just have to work out the finer details for them as a whole.

Does House Aurelia own Aurelian Academy?

In a sense, yes. Aurelian Academy was founded by House Aurelia and is currently protected by all the power that the Eclipse Throne wields.

Does that mean Cyrus/Cyra gets special treatment?

Not really. Mainly because C refuses for that to be the case.

What will the dorm be like?

I don’t really want to spoil anything as I think the firsthand experience will be better, but I did describe some facets of the dorm here and here.

What is Avalon?

Avalon is the small town the MC can visit after a certain period of time— filled with all sorts of shops, people, and (hopefully) fun events!

Who are our Professors?

Some information for a few of the important ones here and here!

[hellsbeenbettersincehesplit]

The latest oneshot is finally here! Inspired by replies to this post by @sky-marbles !

In this, Vaggie learns pole dancing from Angel Dust in an effort by him to convince her to let him teach the hotel in a group bonding session. Featuring dancer!vaggie, no romance beyond one or two background ships, no actual sexual content (just references and a couple jokes), and unexpected friendship :)

I'd prefer if you read this on Ao3, but my works are archive-locked, so if you don't have an Ao3 account and thus can't read it on there it's also under the cut!

No Bonding Like *checks notes* Pole Dancing

Vaggie crossed her arms, barely suppressing a sigh. “We’re not stripping as a group activity. That’s final. I don’t have anything against stripping itself, but Charlie’s group bonding sessions aren’t supposed to be sexual.”

Angel huffed. “I didn’t say stripping, I said pole dancing. There’s a difference.”

Vaggie raised an eyebrow.

“There is! Pole dancing is an art. Stripping is also an art when it’s done right, and strippers were the ones who created pole, but pole dance itself isn’t inherently about sex.”

“You’re not exactly convincing me here.”

“Look, I know it can be. Why do you think I learned?” He sighed. “But it doesn’t have to be. It’s like…” He thought for a second. “It’s like how art of naked people can be for anatomy shit, or for porn, or for both.”

Vaggie remained unconvinced.

“How about this.” Angel stretched as he stood from the hotel couch. “I spend an afternoon teaching you a bit of pole, and you approach it with an open mind. If you still think it’s ‘just sex,’ I’ll never bring it up again. But if you do change your mind, we have that group bonding session.”

“Why should I take you up on that when I can just say no as-is?”

“I’d just ask Charlie. We both know she’s easier to convince.”

Vaggie groaned. Why did he have to be right? “Fine. Look, I can’t promise we’ll allow it even if you can convince me. But you can try.”

And so, that was how Vaggie had found herself in a room with Angel Dust and a pole-dancing pole. It occurred to her that she was likely the only person in Hell to have ever had that sentence apply to her without it being sexual in some way. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other awkwardly. Honestly, she’d kind of been dreading this.

Angel Dust looked her up and down. “You’re going to need skin-to-skin contact with the pole. The jacket has to go. The bike shorts should be fine, though.”

Reluctantly, Vaggie took off the jacket. Angel seemed to approve of the loose t-shirt (most likely Charlie’s) that Vaggie had on.

“Alright,” Angel said decisively. “Let’s get started.”

It was very different from what Vaggie expected. The moves Angel had started her out with were very beginner, and Vaggie actually did feel herself starting to understand it after a few tries. It was difficult in the way that learning anything new was, but Vaggie was also familiar with rhythm and dance. That familiarity led to her picking up moves faster than she’d thought she would. She was surprised to find herself genuinely enjoying the dance. She didn’t even fall half as often as she thought she would.

Likewise, being with Angel one-on-one wasn’t awful. He was a little different here than he was around others- maybe because he wasn’t flirting with Husk or Alastor or anyone, maybe because he was confident in what he was doing, maybe just because he was trying to convince her that this wasn’t sexual and making innuendos wouldn’t help him. In any case, she kind of liked this side of him.

“Convinced yet?” He’d asked her on their third break.

“Not quite,” Vaggie responded. “I mean- this hasn’t been what I thought. I’ll admit that you were right and pole dance is an art form, and it's more than I thought it was. But I have other concerns about the group setting. Namely, I think it might turn into something sexual.”

Angel rolled his eyes and offered her a hand up. “I get where you're coming from, but that could happen with literally anything. Now, you wanna practice that move a couple more times?”

Vaggie sighed and slowly stood, as something occurred to her. “Why do you only use one set of arms?” Wouldn’t extra hands make something like this easier?

“Same reason you’re not using your wings yet. I normally do, but you’re on the basics, so you learn the fundamentals that humans can do and build from there. As your teacher, I need to model that.” He raised an eyebrow. “Also, did you think I’d teach you moves that use limbs you don’t have?”

Vaggie shrugged. Honestly, she had expected that.

They were back to the dancing part. Vaggie had to admit, Angel was really fucking good at this. Vaggie herself wasn’t bad for a beginner, but every movement looked so effortless from Angel. It was almost like he was moving in a tank of water, or like his frame rate would be double hers in an animation. She was the one that could fly, but she couldn’t help but think the way Angel defied gravity was just as impressive.

“Do you do any other types of dance?” She asked after he showed her a beginner move she’d attempted 20 times look unreasonably fucking fluid. 

“No?” he replied, audibly confused. “I learned this because of Val. I’m good because I’ve been doing it for half a century, but I’m not really a dancer.”

That actually got a chuckle out of Vaggie. “Not really a dancer my ass. That shit was smoother than half the ballerinas I’ve worked with. Seriously, you’d be great at another form if you do decide to try one.”

Wait. Why did he look so confused at that?

“You do ballet?”

“A bit. Also salsa and cumbia. Maybe modern dance someday.” She was pretty damn good at perreo, but she wasn’t about to tell Angel Dust that.

Now he was the one gaping. There was no way she’d forgotten to tell the others about that. Right?

“Since when are you a fucking dancer?”

She shrugged. “A year or two, I guess.”

“And you didn’t tell us?”

“It never really came up.”

“Because you never mentioned it! How’d you end up doing it in the first place?”

“Running got boring.”

“Come on, there’s gotta be more than that.”

Vaggie didn’t want to go on some long monologue, but Angel seemed genuinely curious, so it seemed to be time for the long answer.

“Exterminators are the most birdlike angels on a biological level, because we’re the ones who have to fly outside of the atmosphere of Heaven. Flying normally burns a lot of energy. When I lost my wings, that change was really hard on me. I started running to get some cardio back, and I saw an ad so I signed up for a few dance classes to get some variety. I went to one a nd… I don’t know, something clicked. Before I fell, my entire life was training. I still like running and sparring, but they’ll always be tied to all the baggage from...” her voice trailed off. “Dance is… it’s fun, you know? I’m not doing it for violence or for Lute or anyone. I’m doing it for me, and I can just lose myself in the music and moving and pursuing excellence and get that rush of endorphins in something that’s just mine.”

Angel somehow looked even more shocked. Fuck, was that oversharing?

“Shit, you’re right. I should absolutely take some classes.”

That was a strange reaction. “What?”

“Like I said, I learned this shit because of Val,” Angel pointed out. “I mean, we’ve got different tragic backstories, but I feel like I could get something similar from it, you know? As long as he doesn’t find out.”

Vaggie grinned. “Can you imagine everyone else’s faces if they see us performing as dance partners?”

That got an actual laugh out of Angel Dust. “Sir Pentious would probably think we’re dating,” he choked out. “That’s it, I’m signing up, we have to make that a reality.”

After a few hours that felt so much shorter, they wrapped up the lesson. Angel had Vaggie combine the building blocks he’d taught her into something of a short dance. She slipped up a couple times and she knew her movements were a little forced and choppy, but he looked so proud of her after that she couldn’t help but be proud too.

“So…” he asked. “What’s the decision?”

On one hand, she still thought that while pole could be not sexual, it might turn into that in a larger group. On the other hand, she had to hand it to him- this really was an art. Charlie’s rules for the hotel weren’t meant to be limiting, and Angel’s idea could be fun.

“I guess it’d be ok,” Vaggie decided. “As long as Charlie agrees with me.” She caught the little fist pump Angel did and added, “Also, we should totally do this again.”

“You want to learn for real?” There was disbelief in Angel’s voice.

“Yeah! This… was kind of nice.”

There was an excited gleam in his eyes as he responded, “Alright, but you had better make good on the salsa lessons.”

“Deal.”

Angel had honestly surprised her today. She’d known he was doing better, but she still wouldn’t have described herself as close to him. That energy of his personality being almost a performance, which Husk had loved to complain about, had given Vaggie a vibe to stay away- which she felt bad about in retrospect. Angel was more considerate than she’d expected and a shockingly good teacher.

“Hey, you better let me know how Charlie feels about all this tomorrow morning,” he told Vaggie with a suggestive wink.

Never mind, she took back all that sweet shit. She flipped him off, and smiled as she set a reminder on her phone for the date and time of the next lesson.

[roryrhapsody]

Stark Mad Multiverse

Chapter 1 : Downside Up

In which you go on a quest to save Earth’s Mightiest Hero’s…

Even though you didn’t ask to.

Next Chapter (not yet written)

You were falling. That was all you could feel until…

“Ouch! Fuck!” The pain of floor to front contact was not something you ever wanted to feel again. You slowly sat up, cradling your arm as it had taken the brunt of the fall. You weren’t aware of the figure, nor the gun pointed at you, until you heard the click of said gun being cocked.

“Stand up with your hands behind your head. No sudden movements.” You froze, scared, confused, and unfortunately on the brink of a panic attack. Carefully, you followed the instructions you were given, too scared of what might happen if you didn’t. You pushed down the panic and looked at the person in front of you once you were up.

“Now I’m only gonna ask this once; who the hell are you and how did you get in?” The man was none other than Nick Fury, on full alert.

“I’m (name),” you stuttered as you began to shake. Spotting the gun in his had did nothing to soothe your nerves. “I don’t know how I got in, I was in bed on my phone, then I was falling. I don’t know what’s happening.” Tears began to start breaching the surface, but you wouldn’t let them fall. You were terrified, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins was enough to delay the oncoming panic attack.

“You expect me to believe a bullshit story like that?” Fury still looked at you with the same ferocity.

“I don’t even know where here is, you’re not even real.” Your voice died out as you finished talking. You finally let a few tears fall, no longer caring how pathetic you may have looked.

“The hell do you mean by that?” He wouldn’t let up, not caring about the tears you shed.

“You’re fiction, a character in a movie, in comics.” You felt helpless, you didn’t know how to explain yourself.

“I’m about five seconds away from putting a bullet in your skull. You better tell me the truth in one…”

You searched for an explanation, an answer, anything that would save you in this moment. You found nothing, not until he said three, “I’m from another universe! Earth-1218!”

Fury raised his eyebrows in mild surprise.

“That’s why I said you’re not real. I know a lot about you and many others and what’s going to happen.” You closed your eyes to brace yourself in the case that he wouldn’t believe you.

“Prove it.” He challenged in two words.

“I could tell you many things but only one of them will get you to believe me, Director Fury.” You weren’t a fan of how his grip tightened on the gun still aimed at your head. “I can’t tell you the future, but I can tell you what happened to your eye.”

“Oh really? That information is classified. Not even my most trusted…” He continued to go on about how and why he still didn’t believe you.

“Goose, looks like an orange cat, belongs to Captain Marvel.” That managed to shut him up, but the tension that was left from that sentence unsettled you. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise. I just needed you to believe me. I know the memory probably isn’t pleasant, I’m sorry.”

“What are you?” Fury asked after he lowered his gun, which allowed you to relax.

“That question could apply to many things, but I’m human if that’s the answer you’re looking for.” You replied as logically as you could, thinking he was referring to species; alien or not. “Is it okay if I ask you what today’s date is?”

“June ninth, two-thousand-seven.” Fury holstered his gun, finally letting you calm down. “You don’t seem like a threat. How old are you, sixteen?”

“I’m fifteen, but that’s cool to know I pass as sixteen.” You let your hands fall from the back of your head into a relaxed, neutral position, “I believe I can help you, given I know the future and what not.”

“And how do you suggest explaining your sudden appearance?” He seemed to think that this idea was absolutely absurd.

“Maybe… You could say that after a good friend of yours died, she entrusted you with me?” You explained the idea as if even you thought it was absurd, but your tone quickly changed when you realized it might just be crazy enough to work. “Therefore, you adopted me. But, I’d rather not be hunted down, so can we keep my abilities under wraps?”

“Thats crazy. So crazy, it might even work.” Fury agreed and you cheered yourself on for having a good idea in your head. “But if you’re helping me, why hide your abilities from S.H.I.E.L.D?”

“There’s people that I do not trust within S.H.I.E.L.D. I can tell you who I do trust though.” You thought fast, you couldn’t exactly say did you know hydra infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D? Yeah, that wouldn’t be very believable. “I will probably need training, and I only trust a few people with it.”

“And who, pray tell, are these people?” Fury looked at you like you were being ridiculous, but respected your decision anyway.

“Agents Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Maria Hill, Phil Coulson, and Melinda May.” You looked at him, dead serious, and he couldn’t help but respect your tenacity. He nodded his head, agreeing with your choices.

“Very well, where do we start?” You weren’t sure, but you had an idea.

“Combat training is a must and any other training you see fit, but I won’t use guns.” You always hated loud noises. “The sooner the better.”

“I’ll make some calls.” Fury purses his lips, “where do you plan on sleeping?”

“Oh, I never thought of that.” You trailed off as you began thinking. “I don’t mind where, as long as I have a roof over my head and I’m not inconveniencing anyone.”

Fury sighs, “I guess you’ll be staying in my guest bedroom. You’re lucky, I only have that room to keep up appearances.”

“Thank you.” You smiled gratefully at him, thankful he had a place for you to stay on such short notice. He led you to the bedroom where you sat down on the bed.

“I will retrieve you for training at o-eight-hundred.” He definitely did not seem happy that you were staying here, but what could he do? You weren’t a threat and there was nowhere else for you. “I’m locking you in,” but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be careful.

“Thank you, really. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t landed here.” Fury nodded before closing the door, locking it with a click.

You lied down on the bed, facing the wall and closing your eyes. They immediately snapped back open when you felt your arm. It was definitely bruised, but that was the extent of it. You then rolled over onto your other side to get more comfortable but found your mind was bustling with the events from the day.

After deciding sleep would take a hot minute to achieve, you allowed yourself to reflect on the events swirling around the tornado of thoughts in your mind. Eventually, your mind came to one thought.

What happened to my family?

You were almost in a panic hoping they were okay. Hoping they weren’t worried. Hoping your pets were okay. Eventually, your thoughts tired you out and you finally fell asleep.

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of the door unlocking. You immediately opened your eyes and sat up, somehow already awake enough to do so. The door opened to reveal Fury standing in the doorway, looking expectantly at you.

“So this isn’t a dream.” You said under your breath before getting up, putting your shoes on, and following him out of the room. As you two walked to his car, you asked, “How was the surveillance?” Fury looked mildly surprised for a split second before he masked it once more.

“I should be surprised you figured that out, but given you know that which you shouldn’t, I’m going to ignore it.” Fury replied monotonously before opening the car door and slipping into the drivers seat.

You followed, sitting in the passenger’s seat and buckling in. The director side eyed you before rolling his eye and letting it go, seeing no reason you couldn’t sit there. He then started the vehicle and you two were off to the base, enjoying the view of D.C. on the way.

Once you arrived, Fury escorted you past security, also sending a message that Barton, Romanoff, May, Coulson, and Hill were to be in his office once he arrived. You were confused, thinking he had told them already since he had said he made some calls already, but you shrugged it off and ignored it.

“Listen, you’re going to have to sell the father-daughter bullshit you came up with yesterday.” Fury eyed you harshly, making sure you understood. “Secondly, I have to explain your existence to a good friend of mine, Secretary Pierce, since he has no idea who the hell you are.”

“Okay, but we can’t tell him as much as we can tell the names I gave you.” You were a little intimidated by the look he gave you before continuing to the part you had to play, “Dad, this place is absolutely insane! Are you sure that this is where you work?”

Not many people could hear you, but the people who did looked straight at the both of you, shocked to hear anyone call Director Fury dad. You stuffed your hands in your pockets, acting as closely as you could to a normal teen. Even though you were one, you were forced to mature much earlier than you should have. You looked around both in fake and genuine awe, never having been in a high tech government facility before.

“Of course I work here,” Fury said like that was the craziest thing you could ever say. He continued to speak as he quickly filled out some papers an agent handed to him before handing them back. “You think I’d lie to you about that? Come on.”

You followed him to the elevator, covering your face with your hair. You didn’t pay attention to which floor he pressed, but you did notice the large window that was the back wall of the elevator, and that the view as you got higher and higher was absolutely stunning. Looking out at the water, you remembered what this base was called. The Triskelion; it is one the first of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s main headquarters. Not a moment after your realization, the elevator dinged, signaling that you have arrived. After stepping out of the elevator, Fury led you straight to Alexander Pierce’s office. You had to prepare yourself while you were walking.

“Come in.” Not very long after knocking had there been a response. His voice made you anxious, but you swallowed that emotion down as the door opened. “Fury, to what do I owe the pleasure!”

“You mean to tell me that you don’t already know?” There was a humorous tone in Fury’s voice.

“Well, I heard a little something, but I just couldn’t believe it. So, I thought I’d wait for you.” You could tell how genial the man was just from how he spoke, and as it made you want to like him, your knowledge wouldn’t let you. As he spotted you, your nerves came back, “and it appears what I heard was true.”

“It depends on what you thought you heard.” Fury was still amused, but that didn’t ease your anxiety at all.

“Something about a teenage girl calling you dad.” You took a deep breath as Pierce had his eyes on you.

“You mean to tell me you’ve managed to miss me talking about my little girl for fifteen years?” Fury had even side hugged you to sell the story.

“Dad,” you made an act to be embarrassed before you playfully pushed him away and turned and smiled to address Alexander Pierce. “Hi, I’m (name).”

“Now, Fury, she can’t be yours,” Pierce said like how you looked was the craziest thing in the world.

“I’m actually adopted.” You looked down, sadly remembering your family as you told the fake story, “My mother was a single mother who died during child birth, but before she did, she entrusted me with my father as her last wish.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that, (name).” You almost grit your teeth; you did not want to be on a first name basis with this man. “I’ll tell you what, how about you come down to my office sometime and I’ll take you out for some ice cream.”

“Sure! That sounds fun.” You lied through your teeth, putting on another fake smile. It’s safe to say you won’t be doing that.

“We should be going, there’s a lot to do today.” Fury looked at his wrist watch, easily getting out of this conversation.

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Pierce seemed genuinely disappointed and that really bothered you. You didn’t want this guy wanting you around, but you guessed it was better that he liked you than not. “I’ll see you both later.”

“Bye,” you gave him a small wave and followed Fury out of the room.

The walk to Fury’s office wasn’t far, but the hallways made it seem long. Once you arrived, the door opened to reveal the exact people you had named.

[ninakaina]

Hey man, wasn’t trying to be patronizing, just wanted to add a little bit of context for my followers (I have like 20 of them) who have not heard of Mishima and who wouldn’t be inclined to go googling. I can see how such a surface-level screenshot might have been grating to someone who’s neck-deep in Japanese politics, and for that I am sorry. About equating beauty, eroticism, and death though, this is a conclusion I reached while researching Nazi aesthetics; I wasn’t trying to derail the conversation, even if I had that ability. You mention wondering if Catholicism counted, and while I don’t know enough about it to say (not a historian), I do notice that many, many fundamentalist Catholics today are proud fascists. I am not married to this hypothesis, but it did come about through my own critical thinking so I’d be interested to know if you have a more detailed beef with it (if you’ve got the time/inclination to argue with me about art theory, just tell me to piss off if not).

i appreciate the apology i just as a member of the "do your own research" camp chose not to include any specific information on that post so that the curious could do actual non-wikipedia research and learn all about the situation and the incurious wouldnt walk away with a wikipedia blurb understanding of the situation - the point of the post wasnt even "heads up, mishima was an ultranationalist" but rather "mishima was completely insignificant to the history and politics of japan, an interesting case study in one crazy guy if you're into that, but do not let anything anyone tells you about him influence your idea of what it is to be japanese" because a lot of people in the west who ARE aware of who and what he was still discuss him as a cultural icon and a representative of Old Japan when that only gives power to his mythology by legitimizing both racism against japanese people and ultranationalism within japanese politics. the many tags where people are going "mishima was an idiot who killed himself moron style", while kind of annoying, are more in line with the message im trying to send here.

as an aside i don't use the term fascism to refer to the politics of mishima or the meiji restoration because i think it erases the salient differences between that ideology and say, nazism, (including that i'd argue japanese ultranationalism doesn't do away with noble class structure or imagine a dictatorship of the bourgeoisie in the way that is distinctive of fascism as opposed to other forms of ultranationalism) and kind of encourages people not to learn about the actual context or mechanics of japanese ultranationalism, so your tags also rubbed me the wrong way for that reason.

in general i think any claim that any type of imagery in art is inherently fascist (that isn't like, an explicit Fascist Agenda) is flawed and weirdly anti-art. eroticism/beauty/death is kind of one of the most classic combinations of themes which you can find throughout history and across the world, just because eroticism and beauty and death are like basically the most intense emotional concepts that can be represented in art. yeah catholic depictions of martyrdom come to mind bc they go crazy but like truly i would challenge you to find any "the death of ___" art from any era that doesnt invoke beauty and eroticism in some way depending on whos looking at it. like i dont know what kind of blogs you follow but all the talk of artistic/erotic cannibalism thats been popular on tumblr is an example of eroticism/beauty/death. idk its just everywhere and your thesis sounds like something that can be selectively/subjectively applied to call art you dont like fascist

[scarlet--wiccan]

I wonder about your thoughts on a certain element of the recent scarlet witch as a loki fan (I’m less familiar with their familial status quo). I realize I’m over thinking this so like, advanced warning

During the truth-off loki refers to Laufy as their “true father” and Wanda uses the same term to describe magneto. Laufy is Loki’s bio dad as far as I’m aware but mags is maintained in-issue as Wanda’s “adoptive dad”. Maybe that was just distinguishing max from Joseph, but even so, it’s a strange line. True doesn’t need to mean bio imo but it reeks of Django erasure. Who of Loki’s fathers is his “favorite”? Who had the most impact on her overall? (Magneto can claim that title for Wanda probably, without him she might never have become an avenger and had kids with vision, hom wouldn’t have happened, etc)

I've been meaning to post about this, actually, so thank you for reminding me.

Throughout Scarlet Witch, Orlando has identified Magneto as Wanda's "adoptive father." This is not literally true-- Magneto never adopted the twins, or had any hand in raising them. In this case, I think Orlando is using this language to work past the awkwardness of the AXIS retcon-- Wanda spent years developing a familial relationship with Magneto based on the belief that he was her birth father, but since that's no longer the case, the best we can do is recontextualize it as a "chosen family" thing.

The thing is, as you pointed out, Wanda had an actual, literal adoptive father, Django Maximoff, so it feels a little clunky to apply that label to Magneto. I think describing their relationship as foster family, or chosen family, would make more sense.

I understand Loki calling Laufey their "true," as in, "birth" father, but you can't apply that same framework to Wanda and Magneto anymore, so it's very strange that Orlando does, even though it's only one line. This feels like an editing error, more than anything else.

Django Maximoff raised Wanda, risked everything to provide for her and her brother, and ultimately, he gave his life to save her from Chthon. That's her true father, and in the previous Scarlet Witch series, Wanda does affirm that she views Django and Marya as her parents, regardless of their actual relationship. I don't care what anyone says-- I love Magneto, I love their relationship, but he's not the dad that stepped up in this story.

Loki has a fraught relationship with all of their parents, but in recent years, the only person they demonstrate any real loyalty to is Freyja. The All-Mother has her failings as a parent, and she screwed Loki over bad in Agent of Asgard, but Jason Aaron put a lot of nuance into their relationship during his time on Thor & WoTR, and I think it shines the strongest.

Interestingly, we've seen flashbacks and references to a genuinely loving relationship between Odin and Loki when they were a child. I'm not super familiar with earlier Thor publication, but that's the impression I get from the current versions of the characters. That relationship has certainly eroded now, but it's still miles above Loki's feelings towards Laufey.