#though also i liked last years pattern better so maybe i should wait and see what next year's is

[whippetcrimes]

I was finally going to buy Misty a Christmas sweater from RedHound for Dogs this year (my fav whippet clothes brand). But they do a unique one each year and now I'm like... Maybe I should wait until next year so the pups can match....

[bernardsbendystraws]

You Don’t Own Me

P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16

Chris Sturniolo lives by his own rules, refusing to be controlled. Some see him as a rebel, a troublemaker—but is that the full truth? Meanwhile, Y/N is focused on making the most of her last year of high school, determined to have a normal teenage experience. But when their worlds collide, they realize they may have more in common than they ever expected.

WARNINGS: COPYRIGHT NOTICE. Kissing, teasing, suggestive.

A/N: Mhmmmmmmmm (hehe)

With love and big tits, Rose

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

P14: Messing With You

Chris’ POV

She looks peaceful—untouchable, even. 

My eyes are barely open, the sun from the window gleaming a little too brightly. Usually, it would annoy me, not right now though—right now it’s making her look heavenly, making my heart squeeze in my chest as I watch her lips puff open with each soft breath. 

I feel lucky. 

She’s here in my bed, in my arms, coming to me for comfort. It feels good to feel important to someone, even better to feel important to her, but it’s also horrifying. 

I can’t tell if it’s butterflies, anxiety, or maybe both swarming in my gut when I’m around her. 

It makes me want to run away. Not that I don’t want her—I do, I really fucking do. 

The thought of calling her mine, having her in my arms, and making her smile—it makes a reassuring warmth spread in my chest, the type of excitement I haven’t felt in a while. 

My lips roll together as I watch her eyes flutter open. She spares me a hazy smile, her hand combing through my hair as I stare up at her. 

God, she’s perfect. 

“Morning,” she hums, lightly hugging my head a little closer. 

I try to bite back a smile, the sensation of her nails lightly grazing my scalp making a sigh of contentment fall from my lips. It’s just so effortless. 

This should be more difficult, I haven’t really talked to anyone, let alone allowed them to hold me like she has since I lost a part of my heart—my mom and Nick. 

“Hm.” I hum, the sad thought making my throat tighter as I swallow thickly. 

Her hands stop waving through my scalp, her eyes opening wider, looking down at me with concern. “What’s wrong?” she asks, the question rolling off her lips as she gazes down at me with soft eyes. 

I miss them. That’s what’s wrong, but complaining about it won’t bring them back. It will just make me feel more, and it already feels like too much. 

“Is it something I did?” 

My eyes perk at her question, my head shaking from side to side, stopping as I realize I’m buried in her chest, practically shoveling myself in her cleavage. 

“Shit, I didn’t mean to—oh god.” I let out, my eyes squinting shut as I feel a wave of warmth crawl behind my neck, onto my cheeks, and to the tips of my ears. 

Her light giggle makes my eyes peek open. The soft smile cascaded on her face makes my chest heave with a deep breath. 

“You’re fine. Now,” she places her hands back into my hair, her thumb swiping along the top rim of my ear as she stares down at me with intent, “-what’s bothering you? Did I do something?” 

The pout tugging on her lips makes my heart clench in my chest. 

I don’t want her to think anything is wrong with us, maybe I should tell her. At least I know she’d understand. 

My lips smack together, opening and closing as I hesitate. “I, um—I guess I just miss ‘em a little more than usual today…” I wince hearing the slight crack in my voice. 

The desperation of the confession makes me feel bare, her eyes seeming so soft, yet so intimidating, each second feeling like hours as I wait for her to respond. 

“I get that.” 

I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until she speaks those words, my lungs burning as I inhale slowly, trying to even out my breath patterns. 

She gives me a sympathetic smile. Usually, the sympathy made everything worse, but not when she does it—hers just makes me feel understood. 

My chest slows with deep, calm breaths. The burn in my lungs fading as I let myself melt under her gaze. 

I can’t remember the last time I felt like this, so safe and secure—so free of judgment. 

“Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe we can take Trevor on a walk?” she offers, her eyes twinkling with hope. 

The sadness settles in my gut, but the feeling doesn’t exactly make me feel sick like it normally does. It’s accompanied by a calm wave of comfort—her touch, her eyes… everything about her just making the sadness seem okay. 

“I… could, um—can we…” 

I flinch as I stumble helplessly over the words. Her face scrunches with amusement, her eyes squinting as she smiles brightly. 

“Are you nervous?” she taunts, her eyes flickering between mine as I force a scowl onto my face, my lips scrunching into a tight line as I feel the blush crawl up my neck and onto my cheeks. 

“No, I’m just still half-asleep,” I remark, rolling my tongue along the inside of my cheek as I hear my tone waver. 

I don’t even believe the lie—and by the look on her face, she doesn’t either. 

“Okay, okay,” she laughs, nodding as if she’s accepting the lie without any doubt. My hand on her back finds the ends of her hair, twirling them mindlessly as the soft strands wisp through my fingers. 

Her mouth muffles with a short giggle. She takes a deep breath, trying to keep a straight face, “Ask whenever you’re awake enough, I guess.” 

My eyes roll from her teasing. I rest my head against her, hiding from her gaze as I take a deep breath. 

I’m definitely awake now, but it’ll have to wait. 

___

Y/n’s POV

Something is resting on the tip of his tongue. I can tell he’s fighting inner thoughts, trying to blurt out whatever question lingered from this morning. 

It’s kinda cute. 

His bottom lip is bright pink, his teeth constantly gnawing on the skin as his eyes drift with thought. The hue reminds me of last night, the feeling of those lips on mine, how good it felt. 

I already miss it. Something about it felt so electric yet so comforting—like a warm bath after having numb toes from the cold. It felt overwhelmingly good.

And I really wanna feel it again. 

My body stiffens as I sit on the barstool, my hands on the kitchen island clenching as I feel large hands callous over my shoulders from behind. 

Jimmy. 

“Hey. Want some bacon and all? I got the stuff…” he trails off, yawning with a small smile as he walks around the kitchen and shuffles through the fridge. 

My mouth watering as I recall the last time he made breakfast for me. I nod, blushing as Jimmy laughs, turning the knob on the stove to erupt a flame beneath the pan. 

Chris shifts beside me. He spares me a quick glance, shaking his head. “I—I’ll be back, I’m gonna go shower real quick.” he says, stalking off and down the hallway. 

Part of me is dying to know what he’s wanting to ask, but another part doesn’t want to know. 

What if he didn’t like the kiss? 

Does he just kiss everyone like that? 

Was he trying to find a way to let me down slowly? 

“You good, kid?” Jimmy asks, sparing me a small glance with concern before turning his attention back to the stovetop. 

I swallow thickly, relaxing my clenched hands as I huff out a quick sigh. “Yeah, yeah,” I mutter, my face twitching as more doubts run through my head. 

The sound of water running from the bathroom makes my stomach churn, my heart pumping harshly in my chest. 

I hate this, it’s exactly what I’ve had nightmares of since I had my heart broken by my last boyfriend. The uncertainty, the doubt, the endless loop of questions that made my eyes burn with stubborn tears. 

“Here ya go,” Jimmy states, pushing a plate of steaming food in front of me while curling his lips into a subtle grin, pulling me out of my thoughts as I inhale the smell with greedy taste buds. 

Breakfast. Real food. 

My house is filled with protein bars, protein powder, and probably even protein water for fucks sake. 

Eating is a chore sometimes. Especially when it’s those disgusting protein pancakes that Baylen loves, but that’s always his go-to breakfast.

Jimmy walks towards the kitchen island, setting a plate on the counter next to me. “For Chris when he comes back, but if you steal any bacon, I saw nothing.” he remarks, holding his hands up in defense before stalking off with a different plate of food, heading outside towards the porch. 

Trevor trots behind him, his nose twitching as he follows the sizzling bacon on Jimmy’s plate. “I’ll be outside with Trev. Let me know if you need anything, even if it’s more bacon, you hear me?” he jokes, pointing a finger at me with a stern look interrupted with a smile. 

“Alright,” I puff, chewing more as he closes the door behind himself, leaving me in a quiet room alone. 

The shower water humming from the bathroom stops, the sounds of shuffling making my heart beat a little faster. 

What is he trying to ask me? 

Curiosity bubbles in my gut. My lips rolling together as I stiffen, hearing the sound of footsteps come closer before I feel a waft of air as Chris sits down in the barstool next to me. 

His damp hair brushes against my shoulder. I shiver at the wet sensation, my spine straightening. 

“My bad,” he mumbles, petting over the skin with his warm hand, the touch soothing away the shocking cold wetness. 

Chris starts to scarf his food down next to me. I feel his hand dip between my thighs, pulling one of my legs over his lap. “Chris, what’re you–”

“Here. Now, shut up.” he mutters, placing a piece of his bacon on my plate, his hand grasping at my thigh soothingly, right above my knee. I should be upset that he told me to shut up, but it makes me smile. 

He’s nervous. 

Shoveling the bacon into my mouth, I stare at him from the corner of my eye, watching as he straightens his posture. 

“So…” I trail off, my gaze drifting across the room as I hear him let out a subtle sigh. “What were you wanting to ask me?” 

The question makes him freeze. His hand grips tighter around my leg, his fingers tapping against my skin as he stutters, “I, uh—was… was just gonna ask if you, if you maybe wanted to uh—” 

I guide my hand down to his, pulling it further up on my thigh as I lean forward, placing a kiss on his cheek. His eyes are directed towards his plate of scrapped food. “Stop making me more—stop being so—ugh.” he huffs. 

A giggle purses through my lips. “What? Am I makin’ you more nervous—”

“No.” he interrupts, glaring at me as his hand squeezes my thigh. My breath halts in my chest, my gut tightening as he stares at me with pure intent. “I wanna go on a date with you. I’m not fuckin—’m not fuckin’ nervous. You’re just being difficult.” 

My lips curl into a grin. I lick over my teeth, leaning against his shoulder as I bat my eyes up at him, watching as his face contorts with a slight snarl. “I still didn’t hear a question, Chris.” 

The observation makes his jaw tighten. His fingers tap impatiently against my thigh, his tongue clicking on the roof of his mouth as he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Will you—do you wanna go on a date with me?” he asks, his eyes softening for a quick second before returning to his plate. 

“Nah.” 

Chris whips his head towards me. A loud laugh bursts through my lips, my stomach tightening with sharp breaths. “The fuck?” he asks, his face scrunched with displeasure as he watches me clutch my stomach with a tinge of pain. 

“I’m—’m kidding,” I rush out, squeezing my hand on top of his, my nose scrunching as his face relaxes into a bland expression. “Sorry, just wanted to mess with you,” I remark, sitting up straight and moving my leg back into my own seat. 

“Mess with me?” Chris tuts. I look over, yelping as I feel his hand wrap around the back of my leg once more, repeating the action of throwing my thigh over his lap. 

But this time, it’s closer. 

He stares directly at me, his teeth greedily biting on his bottom lip as his eyes float over my face. 

I feel my lungs burn, screaming for air as I forget how to breathe. 

His face leans in closer, his breath hovering over my lips before shifting to the side, his lips ghosting over my neck with light kisses. 

“Chri—”

Before I can call out his name, I feel his tongue swipe across my thumping pulse, right beneath my ear. His lips enclose around the area, a light suction echoing in the room as my ears begin to ring. 

Oh god. 

My hands tangle in his hair out of pure instinct. Before I can pull him any closer, he pulls my leg upwards, lifting and dropping it back onto my own chair. 

I watch as he stands up, my lips parted as I pant for air. 

“What–what’re you doing?” I question, my voice wavering with heavy breaths as he stacks our plates, walking towards the sink. 

Chris shrugs. He sets the dishes down, running a hand through his damp hair and sparing me a soft smile. 

“Just messin’ with you.” 

[skyloftian-nutcase]

For your prompts (so excited, and congratulations btw!)- LU:

-Minish Four waking up in someone’s pocket?

-Anesthesia, but also the effects of coming out of it

-Ten year old Time who looks like he’s however old he is, keeping his true age a secret

It felt strangely stuffy.

Four wasn't entirely sure what had happened. He'd gone exploring after people had started settling in for lunch. The four hours of sleep last night hadn't really bothered him initially, but as he'd spoken to the Minish in this area, he'd felt himself start to nod off. He'd thought it was best to get back to camp as soon as he could - only a few people knew about his Minish magic, and he didn't need the group worrying because he'd gone wandering and hadn't returned.

But what had occurred since then? Four recalled the tiny river created from the trickling stream, how it attracted all sorts of creatures. He remembered a finch that had been hopping about excitedly in search for worms. He remembered deciding to settle on a rock and listen to the stream and the birds.

Had he... fallen asleep by accident? Oh, great. He was getting as bad as Sky.

But why did it feel so different now? If he'd fallen asleep, that would have been on the rock.

Something brushed against his face, or, really, had been brushing against his face since he'd awoken. Scrunching his eyes shut a moment, he slowly ran his hands down his face. It was strangely dark, though there was some vague light trying to pierce through his eyelids. But it should have been much brighter.

Oh no. How long had he been asleep?

This was when Four realized that his world was moving.

Four abruptly opened his eyes, finding that he was surrounded in what looked to be a giant blanket. At least that was what he assumed - it was cloth of some sort, but it was shifting rhythmically, and--

Four yelped as something bonked his head, and he looked up to see some strange outline pushing through the blanket. He tentatively pressed on it, and was absolutely bewildered by the hardness of it. What was that, why was the blanket moving, and--

Wait a second. He recognized the patterning on the blue fabric. It looked like what was on Twilight's sash that he wore under his belt.

Sunlight ripped into the sky all of a sudden, and Four looked up, disoriented, to see Twilight peeking at him from the corner.

Did... did he tuck Four into his sash?

"Oh, hey," Twilight said quietly, glancing around before looking back down at him. "I was wondering when you'd wake up."

"What in the--why didn't you just wake me up?" Four asked, simultaneously embarrassed and befuddled.

"Can't hear ya," Twilight replied. "You're too tiny."

"Rancher, I--"

"You were sleeping really peacefully, so I figured I'd just leave you be. But I said I'd look for you, so we're on our way back to the others."

"You'd better take me out, then, because I--"

"I figured I'd just say you were on your way and give you a bit more time to rest."

Four huffed, clawing his way up Twilight's tunic to try and climb out of his little cloth prison. Twilight laughed at him. Laughed.

"What are you doing?" the Ordonian asked, plucking Four easily by the back of his tunic.

Well, at least he was free. Four reversed the magic, feeling himself grow in size, and Twilight yelped.

Maybe he should've picked a better way to do this.

Four found himself gasping as Twilight fumbled to catch him. He was going to land just fine on his feet, but the elder hero thought he needed to still hold him, and now he was in his arms like a small child.

Four felt his face reddening. "I'm not a kid, Rancher!"

"Well, you could warn me," Twilight remarked mildly, plopping him on the ground easily. "I know you didn't sleep well last night, so I didn't want to interrupt. Sorry."

Four sighed. He was used to taking care of himself. Well. They all were used to that. Four was honestly the better team player of the group.

But he was his own team. So he still kind of took care of himself.

Anyway, the point was that... that...

That Twilight was trying to be helpful.

Four sighed yet again. "It's all right."

Twilight smiled easily, elbowing the smaller hero. "How about a ride back to the others, then?"

Four chuckled, taking the offer. "All right, that I can handle."

Twilight transformed easily, allowing Four to climb on his back, and the little hero felt his heart warm as the pair rode through the forest, the cool breeze blowing through his hair.

Four had to admit, he was quite fond of this new team he found himself in.

[mgu-h]

this is bit long, sorry just something I noticed:

I noticed with Max F. and Lando, mostly Max, that he always protects Lando's privacy. I mean, that's no secret really, but mid-last year, I watched almost all of Max’s streams from beginning to end, whether Lando was there or not. Maybe only three days in total when I didn’t join his stream.

And I noticed that while, yes, he sometimes tells stories about Lando (I saw some Lando fans criticize him for that because they think he uses Lando for clout, which I think is absurd), it's always stories that Lando would mostly tell himself. It’s never anything scandalous, so I don’t get why anyone would hate Max for it. In a few instances, Lando was even in the chat, encouraging Max to tell a story or show an embarrassing picture of him, but Max never did.

I think Max feels like part of "Team Lando Norris." I mean, he is 100% part of it, but what I mean is that sometimes Bankai will ask if Lando is flying or if he’s home yet, and even Connor asks these questions to Max. And Max sometimes ignores them, even though you can tell he heard them—like, he was talking right before, so it’s noticeable that he just chose not to answer. Which, I mean, is obviously for a reason. But these are also Lando’s friends, and I think they sometimes forget they’re live, and that there are certain people listening who run gossip pages or haters just looking for a reason to hate Lando even more.

Mostly, Max will ignore the question or answer so vaguely that the question isn’t really answered at all. But it’s always obvious that he knows the answer.

Also, whenever it was a race week and Max was streaming the race with Bankai, and Bankai would criticize a driver for a mistake (without insulting them, just pointing it out), Max would kind of try to smooth talk it over for potential fans in the chat. Because he knows people could take it as another reason to hate Lando. Bankai would also ask things like, "Why is Oscar so slow compared to Lando?" and wait to see what Max would say. But most of the time, Max wouldn’t answer, which I find interesting. The only time he really broke that pattern was at the Brazil GP, and even then, he tried so hard to phrase it in a way that wasn’t insulting to any other driver but he was frustrated (understandable).

Yes, some of it is probably to protect himself and, with that, also Quadrant, but it’s so obvious that he does this for Lando. He knows exactly what people would do with these clips. And after the year Lando had, other drivers’ fans would rip Lando to shreds if they felt like someone from Lando’s inner circle had insulted another driver, he is 100% team lando norris.

1000000% to all of that. it reminds me a bit of that last stream from the house in woking, when lando blurted out to chat that max had a girlfriend, making max upset. he very easily could have returned the favor and violated lando's privacy too, you could see it in his eyes, but he explicitly refused to do that to him. it's clearly a huge priority for him to protect lando, and always has been.

there's that joke in his twitch bio 'very professional streamer' but honestly he really is one. he's good at not offending people and keeping his streams interesting without oversharing. he knows he's got the advantage of his connection to lando (it gets people to his streams, who sometimes stick around just for him) but he manages to keep that without exploiting him for content.

it must be an awkward position for him sometimes to have to deny requests for info, to ignore or pivot or whatever else, especially if it comes from mutual friends, who really should know better, but he manages to do it. he's really good at keeping in control of what he says, even in moments of high emotion. his internal 'protect lando' instinct is always operative.

[alarrytale]

Hello Marte! It´s the anon who wrote you few days back that I have an alcohol addicts in my family and so I know the struggle how much you want someone to get better and finally change but it´s just not happening. Somehow it doesn´t matter if it´s your family members or someone you don´t know personally, feeling is very same. My father had like 10 wakeup calls already in like last 4 years to finally change, 2 years ago we nearly lost him, he was in a coma for like a week after one accident that nearly killed him and even that didn´t change a single thing after he came from hospital. He already has one grandkid and another one on a way from my side but that doesn´t changed anything with his drinking habits. I know he has depression but he will never aknowledge it, he won´t talk about it and definitely won´t go to therapies because that means he´s weak and he will have to aknowledge he has a problem. And maybe my father has the same issue as Louis because they are both first borns, have more younger siblings and so they´ve always been the role model for them. Idk, I am just really sad because I see the same pattern no matter how much younger Louis is. My hope really goes to Louis´ closest ones who know him and know his struggles and traumas and will help him eventually and Louis won´t be the same stubborn as is my father and will seek for help. What is the worst, we´ve already witnessed the tragic losses of gay men (and ofc not only gays but people in general) who lost their life partner and they never really recovered from this loss eventho they found another partner and eventually they slipped into addiction and mental health problems as well - George Micheal as an example. I want the best for Louis and I don´t want H to loose Louis as his life partner because I think it would be devastating for him and can cause him his own fall. I hope he knows Louis´ problems, he knows Liam´s death deeped Louis´ own trauma and as it looks like he´s delaying HS4, I hope it´s to be there for him as much as he can and he will be back at work when Louis will be back at work as well.

Hi, anon!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this situation. It's really hard to watch someone you love, who needs help, refuse it. Acknowledging you have a problem is the biggest hurdle. Struggling doesn’t mean you're weak either. Taking charge of your own life and dealing with your issues, even though it means admitting you have issues, is a show of strength. Depression is so often self-medicated with alcohol or drugs, when it should be medicated with anti-depressants and therapy.

We don’t really know what Louis is dealing with, how bad his issues and demons really are, and what he does to deal with it. We only see what we are presented with. I don't think we should draw any conclusions or paint a very bleak picture yet. I also don't want us to project our own experiences onto Louis. We need to be mindful of that. We are certainly seeing some concerning signs, but there could be a lot of things going on that we don’t know of.

He really needs to start fixing his image though, because support is waning and not everyone is going to wait around for him to turn things around. There's a lot his team and PR can do to fix his image, while he gets time off to fix himself.

[helianskies]

17 for ScotSpa pls!

apologies to the anon who asked for engspa for the same prompt (which honestly made me laugh) but scotland got there first, and i can't be helped ;)

Families

“That was your mother on the phone,” Antonio says as Alasdair stares at him, wide-eyed and patient, from the sofa. He holds a hot drink in hand. He’s like a deer in headlights (the phone is a terrifying thing!).

“What’d she want?” Alasdair asks him while Antonio returns the phone to its receiver.

“Oh, nothing much,” the other responds with a light shrug. “Just wants to know what our plans are for Christmas… If we’re planning to come down, and if so when… Oh and also maybe our New Year plans, too, while she’s on the phone…”

“Oooh…”

“Yeah…”

“Sorry…”

“She’s got a point, though,” Antonio reminds him. He sits down next to Ali on the sofa, before he kicks up his legs and rests them across the other’s lap (Alasdair does not mind. The penguin-patterned socks alone almost make him chuckle). “We do need to think about what we’re doing. Christmas isn’t far away.”

To be honest, it isn’t the first time he’s made such a point, but Alasdiar would prefer it to be the last. He supposes that’s up to him, though.

Somewhat glumly (and perhaps in a vain attempt to delay the inevitable further), Alasdair says into his hot chocolate, pre-sip, “I thought we wanted to go away for the holidays,” to which Antonio replies:

“Then we have one hour to decide where we’re going and book a hotel, because she’s going to call back, and she expects an answer. It’s either a holiday for us, or three days minimum with your family,” he so declares. “Her rules, not mine!”

“Can’t we go and see your family?” suggests the other, a slight whine to his voice—a whine that rarely appears—that he’s quite possibly picked up from Antonio—that feels rather justified at this moment. “Your family is more normal than mine!”

“And yet, I married you anyway,” Antonio smiles, a radiant beam.

It is a smile to ease the oncoming headache that this conversation is causing. A headache not caused by the thought of spending the holidays with his family so much as… the pressure to do so. It’s not something Alasdair’s in the mood to think about right now, but…

“We could always then see my family for New Year’s,” Antonio promptly informs him, a sort of trade-off should they see the Kirklands for Christmas. “And as ‘normal’ as you think mine are, wait until you see my brother, his fiancé, and our dad after a few party drinks.”

He pulls a knowing face and makes a gesture with his hand, like a bottle tipping violently back, a clear indication to Alasdair that he’ll be in for a fair few laughs—assuming he isn’t going to be trollied with them!

Family—families—are funny things. They’re great things. They’re weird things, when they want to be. And Alasdair does love his family. He loves that Antonio is now part of his family, too, and that he has become part of Toni’s. A bigger family. A better family.

Still, there’s no doubt in his mind that, whatever shenanigans a New Year’s party could bring, his family is definitely weirder. There is simply no contest to be had, and he tells Antonio as much. Though, that all said, they’ve not warded off his partner yet. Antonio has a point. He’s stuck around, joined in the silliness, held his hand through headaches long gone. That’s a blessing he’s still counting and will be counting for a long time.

“Christmas with your family should be good fun,” his dear partner insists all the while (whose side is he on?!). “I’d look forward to it, personally. The cosy house, the big fire, the roast dinner, the— the hats we all wear from those cracking things!” His smile stands proud. Warm. “Besides, we can always go on holiday right after we see my family in January. A couple nights in Seville, or maybe somewhere a bit further south…”

His foot tickles at Alasdair’s side, a playful nudge, a wicked hint.

Suddenly, the living room feels a lot warmer than it was before, and that is certainly not thanks to the central heating!

“Sounds like a right good plan,” Alasdair responds, face red, freckles alight. “If— If that’s what you’d like to do for the holidays, ‘course.”

“I think it might just be,” Antonio grins.

His foot retreats. He moves, quite fast, across the sofa to huddle up next to his partner’s side. The gap between them has closed. For a moment, Alasdair wonders if it is getting too warm to keep his jumper on (and the rest of it!) but, just as Antonio leans in, millimetres away, lips nearly upon his skin, three delicate words leave his mouth:

“Call your mother.”

Alasdair has no intention of ignoring such a command. He puts his cup down, gets up, goes to the phone, and begins to dial her number right away.

So, a Christmas at home it is! A Christmas with his wild, weird, wonderful family it is! A Christmas spent surrounded by the people he cares about most in his life, and who he would do anything for, and who he loves in spite of all their quirks and charm… A perfect Christmas it is!

[ winter prompts here! ] [ ficlet collection on ao3! ]

[warpaway]

"Linhardt!"

Caspar catches up to his friend with bounding steps, brimming with extra enthusiasm. It's a special day, even if Linhardt himself doesn't usually pay it much mind. The precarious little tower of gifts bundled up in Caspar's arms are a testament to that.

"I got this little artifact from a guy saying it's from Zanado." He says, offering an explanation for the silky drawstring bag at the top of the gift tower. "But then I was like- wait, how do I know it's even real? So then I found a book from a scholar who studies all the stuff they find out in the ruins there."

With the rectangular base accounted for as well, all that remains is to explain the cloth-covered basket that wobbles in the middle. Caspar smiles. A smudge of flour scrunches up into the space between his cheek and his nose.

"You can definitely trust the guy who made the fruit tarts, though. He's got plenty of practice spotting his own mistakes and throwing 'em out, heheh."

Even if both the book and the relic turn out to be bogus, it can still be an interesting journey for Linhardt to uncover the truth-- that's what Caspar hopes, anyway. Journeys with Linhardt are never boring.

"Y'know...letting you sleep in was your first birthday present today, but maybe next year I should toss that one out and take you out to those old ruins in person instead." You can see the sights for yourself, and I'll protect you from any dangers. That part goes without saying. "Whaddaya say?"

upon waking up this morning, linhardt had forgotten what day it is. thursday, certainly. professor hanneman wants a literature review on monday, so that's four days from now, depending on how you count them. it takes an absurdly long amount of time (and an entire extra student wishing him well) for him to remember his own birthday. from that moment forward... linhardt expects something.

caspar can't leave well enough alone. they know this to be an immutable fact about their best friend, and past experience and pattern recognition dictates that soon enough he'll appear with his own attempt to wish linhardt a happy birthday today.

linhardt relishes that feeling - the familiarity of it, the fondness he holds for caspar, and the combination of the two being just for him. he is a selfish person, he knows, but this is the one day it's completely permissible. that means it's one more day for him to put off the introspection.

the expectation wears on them though. caspar could be around that corner, but when they round it, he isn't. what is he doing? what could be taking so long? that expectation builds. now, they might call it suspense. it could also be something else, though. part of them just wants to spend the time with their best friend.

linhardt has been enjoying garreg mach so far, but that has been a problem since day one. there's no long carriage ride to bergliez territory, or staying at the hevring estate in enbarr, or any other unbearable social event standing in between caspar and linhardt now, but there are still days that go by in which they don't see each other. today, that problem seems as obvious as it's ever been. they should do something about it. if linhardt's noticed it, then surely caspar has twice as many times.

he takes the long way back to his room. the last chance for caspar to drag him to dinner so that he can complain about caspar's eating habits, fondly, or surprise him with some absurd combination of gifts that...

linhardt doesn't have a chance to finish the though before it manifests before them: that is caspar carrying a pile of gifts, and they simply must be for linhardt.

there's no need for compunction between the two, so linhardt's hands reach for the top gift before caspar's explanation is even finished, even before they have an even better reason to see what's hidden inside.

a zanado relic, and a guidebook to verify its authenticity themself. caspar surely doesn't realize what a wonderful present that is on its own, or he wouldn't have gone through the trouble to put so much work into... is that blackberries linhardt smells? he's realizing he's skipped dinner, and his stomach is angry about it.

"you never disappoint, caspar," he says. he plucks the second package off the stack to lighten his friend's load - that, and the first chance linhardt gets alone he's digging right in to this mystery. if not for the unpleasant memories linhardt has surrounding that place, he's certain he would be begging to join some expedition the archaeologists go on.

zanado is the place where linhardt killed some one. step one to blocking out that horrible memory, that trauma, is to never return. he can run away from what he did there, and he doesn't have to remember or think about it ever again. he's long come to terms with zanado simply being untouchable since then. could he go with caspar? linhardt has trouble holding onto painful memories with his best friend around. he could do anything with him, probably. they could do anything together.

"i'll thank you for letting me sleep this morning, even if i admittedly didn't realize it," they say instead, pondering the offer still. "zanado is... i'd like to go there one day."

he says it as though he hasn't already been there. beside caspar, it will be new anyway. he could actually enjoy it, probably. caspar could tackle any demonic beast, and even triumph over linhardt's personal demons. "for a birthday gift, the chance to unravel an ancient secret and spend more time with my best friend at the same time would be hard to surpass. careful, you might ruin my expectations for every year afterwards."

their mouth curves into a playful smile, two of the three gifts held tight to their chest. even without giving either a proper glance, they've instantly become cherished treasures, just because of the day and the gifter and the thoughtfulness with which they were chosen. as pleased as they are, and even with the warm feeling in their chest, linhardt has the audacity to request a fourth gift.

"now, it wouldn't behoove me to overeat, so while i trust the cook was able to bake a basket of scrumptious treats, would you mind helping me eat them, too? i accidentally skipped dinner again. i'm in a good mood so i'll only complain about you talking with your mouth full a tiny bit. well, maybe a bit more than that, but..."

[stardustandash]

Enter The Wild - Linked Universe

Tags: angst, hurt/comfort

Chapter 1  

The band of Heroes find themselves in a Hyrule of ruins and relics and about one hundred years too late. Or maybe, they came just at the right time.

Yet another "gang meets Wild" fic

AO3

The shift had been fast and dramatic. One minute the group was walking through a market in Sky’s Hyrule, and the next they were standing in the middle of a big, empty field. Well, it wasn’t completely empty. There were strange large stones that were rather uniform in shape popping out of the long grass and the ruins of stone buildings standing derelict and sad. To top it off, they had gone from a bright, sunny day to a cold drizzling rain. The group all stared around then at each other.

“Ok, anyone going to pipe up and say they recognize this, or?” asked Warriors.

“Definitely not mine,” said Wind. “Twilight?”

“Nope, not mine either.”

“Then I think we’re about to find another Link,” said Time. “Alright, we know the drill now, find the nearest town, ask around for the Hero, and don’t be suspicious.”

The last was tacked on with a pointed look to Four and Wind.

“But first, we’re going to find some shelter and wait out this rain?” asked Sky hopefully.

There were sounds of agreement all around, and so the group set off. Their boots slipped and caught in the mud as they stepped across the field. At first, everything seemed fairly normal, but as the group continued Time couldn’t help feel more and more nervous about this Hyrule. There were animals in the tall grass that darted away from the group as they passed, but there were no other travellers to speak of. Hell, there was not even a sign of civilization aside from the ruins that shadowed them across the field. Time looked to the others and saw the growing discomfort on their faces as well. Legend was biting his lip as he surveyed a stone wall, taking in the crumbling stones at the base. No one made a sound as they walked, not even to laugh when Hyrule’s boot got stuck in the mud and was stuck hopping on one foot until he could free it.

Eventually their search for shelter was cancelled out by the downpour lessening and the clouds lightening overhead. The group could see farther now, and found themselves to be in a large valley basin. The rain was just easing off and the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds when they got their first sight of civilization. Smoke curled into the sky from a point out of sight behind a hill. They could also see two tall peaks stretching skyward and lost among the last of the rainclouds. The beauty of the landscape and the sign of living people lifted their hearts as the group set off with a new energy in their steps.

“Hey guys, I don’t think these are just stones. Come look at this!” called Wind as he scrambled up the side of one of the uniform rocks.

Indeed, as Time got closer and with the light of the sun he could make out swirling patterns carved into the rock and though it was half-buried there were four visible tendril like appendages sticking out of it. It looked like some kind of mechanical monster.

So of course Four had scurried ahead and was now trying to it out.

“Careful Four, we don’t want to accidentally wake it up,” said Time.

“I just want to see if its mechanical or magic!”

“Think you could get it running again?” asked Hyrule. “Wonder what they were all for?”

Time sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. These kids were going to be the death of him. He sincerely hoped that whoever this Hyrule’s Link was, he would be calm, patient, and practical. Even if they could wake up one of these creatures, there was nothing saying that it would be at all friendly. Better to learn about this world first before messing with potentially important or evil beings.

“We should get a move on. It may have stopped raining, but we should still find shelter for the night and start asking questions,” said Time. When Wind and Four started pouting he added: “We can ask about these things too. Someone around here must know something about them.”

“Yes!”

“Fine, but I’m taking this,” said Four, holding up a large, strange looking screw before pocketing it.

The group continued on, passing the strange mechanical creatures where they sat quietly in the dirt. As Time’s eyes spotted the top of a strange looking structure over the rise, Warriors spotted something else.

Planted in the ground were several long-rusted weapons. Just the right size for a Hylian and near to both one of the strange creatures and a ruined wall.

“Something happened in this Hyrule. Something bad,” said Warriors as he took another look around the field. “This was a battlefield, a long time ago if these weapons are to judge. Wherever the Hero is, he’s got one hell of a mess on his hands.”

He absently picked up one of the rusted swords and gave it an experimental swing. The blade snapped off and nearly hit Sky, who was yanked out of the way by Hyrule.

“Nice,” snarked Legend.

“Shut up,” said Warriors. “I’m just proving my point, these weapons are ancient.”

“Come on, we’re nearly there. Unless you want to replace your weapons with rusted out equivalents?” said Time.

Truth be told he was just as unsettled from the untouched battleground this Hyrule seemed to be. And he was doubly glad Four hadn’t found some way to turn the creatures on, as Time was starting to have the sneaking suspicion that they were responsible for the ruins and the abandoned weapons.

The thoughts of what could’ve happened in this world swirled around his head for the rest of their walk. He was so lost in thought it took Twilight gently shoving his shoulder to realize they had reached their destination.

It was not civilization.

At least, not in the sense that Time, or any of the others thought of it. Instead of a village or a collection of huts, they had come across one very large, very strange tent. It was shaped vaguely like a horse. He had the brief thought of Malon laughing her head off at the structure and it sent a burst of longing through his heart. Though the tent was strange, the people milling about near it were not. Hylians, and a few others of the various folk of Hyrule were going about their business in the area. Most noticeably a large rito man with blue feathers playing an accordion. Still, there were less than ten people by Time’s count. Not enough for a village. But a few waved at the group as they approached, and a friendly man called from behind a wood counter.

They quickly learned the friendly man’s name, Tasseren, and that he owned this particular stable. Out of how many he did not say, but he promised the beds here were softer than any of the rest. With the sun getting low in the sky the group pooled their rupees and settled in for the night. After their walk it was no surprise when Sky and Wind practically jumped into their beds and were softly snoring only minutes later. It was only a matter of time before the others crawled into their own beds, armour and weapons resting at the ready on the ground nearby.

Time let them get comfortable under their warm blankets before walking back out into the night. A few people were still up, mostly talking with each other over the cook fire nearby the actual stable part of the structure. Across the nearby river a blue structure glowed brightly, its light rippling across the moving water to touch the opposite bank. Time settled himself against the wall of the tent looking out over the field with the strange stone structures. This Hyrule was unsettling. Peaceful, but unsettling.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Time would be lying if he said the question didn’t surprise him in the stillness of the night. He turned quickly, reaching for a sword that was left next to his bed inside when he found Twilight grinning down at him.

“You neither, Pup?”

“No. Something about this place makes me uneasy. The whole field smells, well, like death,” said Twilight as he sat down next to time. He leaned against Time’s arm as his eyes stared out across the shadowy field. In the dark Time couldn’t make out more than a few dark shapes in the grass, but he knew Twilight’s eyes were better than his.

“We’ll get some answers, Pup. And hopefully the Hero here has it all in hand. After all, the rest of us joined up after our adventuring days were done,” said Time, not without a touch of bitterness. None of them had asked to go on another adventure. The only upside was that this time none of them were alone on their journey.

“Ah, did I hear you mention a hero?” asked an unfamiliar voice. Both Time and Twilight looked up at the newcomer. It was the rito man with the accordion from their arrival. “I know a song about the Champion, if you’d like to hear it.”

Time and Twilight shared a look. Would information actually just fall into their laps? It couldn’t be that easy.

Kass misinterpreted their look. “Sorry for eavesdropping, but all of you young men remind me of a friend of mine. Same sort of looks, you all could be family.”

“It’s fine,” said Time. “And yes, we would like to hear your song.”

Time hoped that the rito’s friend was in fact, the hero they were looking for.

“Excellent! Ah, before I start, my name is Kass. I’m a bard from Rito Village.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Kass,” said Time.

Kass nodded, and took a deep breath before beginning an upbeat, yet sad tune. His voice followed the dance of the melody as he sang low and sweet.

“An ancient hero, a Calamity appears, Now resurrected after 10,00 years.

Her appointed knight gives his life, Shields her figure, and pays the price. The princess’ love for her fallen knight awakens her power, and within the castle the Calamity is forced to cower. But the knight survives! In the Shrine of Resurrection he sleeps, Until from his healing dream he leaps!

For Fierce and deadly trials await. To regain his strength. Fulfil his fate.

To become a hero once again! To wrest the princess from evil’s den.

The hero, the princess -hand in hand- Must bring the light back to this land.”

Kass let the final note trail off into the sounds of the night. For a moment the three of them sat entranced in the dark before Time and Twilight caught up with what the words of the song were telling them.

“Wait, so the hero of this land is in this Shrine of Resurrection?” asked Twilight.

Kass blinked down at them in surprise before his features gentled into a strange smile.

“It’s just a song. Everyone knows the Champion died protecting Princess Zelda one hundred years ago. The Shrine of Resurrection is real enough. I have a traveler friend who told me he visited it once, if you’re interested in seeing it.”

Time felt his heart sink. Why would Hylia bring them all to this Hyrule now, with their Link 100 years dead. Maybe they had to fix it all themselves now, was that it? On top of fighting the darkness they had to save this Hyrule?

“What’s this Calamity in the song?” asked Time, hoping it wasn’t too strange of a question to ask.

From the look he got, it was a very strange question.

“Are you boys trying to say you haven’t seen the castle in the last hundred years?” said Kass. “Have you been living in the clouds?”

Time’s heart raced as he tried to think of a convincing lie.

“Our parents were very protective. Its our first time out of the village,” offered Twilight when Time failed to think of anything suitable.

Kass was apparently still not convinced when the sound of hooves on the road captured all three of their attention. Coming down the road from the west was a pale white horse, its coat gleaming in the moonlight. On its back was a dark shadow of a rider.

“Ah, it’s my friend,” said Kass. “The one who has been to the Shrine of Resurrection.”

Unconvincing lies forgotten, Kass moved towards the road to greet his friend. Time stood to get a better look at the stranger and felt Twilight do the same beside him. They watched as the stranger rode up and dismounted smoothly in front of the stable. He gave his horse a quick pat before waving at Kass in greeting. The stranger’s face was mostly hidden by the dark cloak he wore and the shadows no matter how Time strained his eyes to work.

“Hello to you too, my friend. Are you well?”

The stranger shrugged and raised the hand not holding the reins of his horse. “I’ve been better. Blood moon a few nights ago, had to clear the roads again.”

Time was a bit taken aback to see the stranger signing. At least Kass understood, or seemed to.

“That’s too bad. Would hearing a song before you sleep cheer you up?”

The stranger nodded, and motioned to his horse.

“Yes, I’ll wait until you put him away.”

The stranger nodded again and disappeared out of sight for a few minutes before coming back to stand in front of Kass. Time watched as he stood expectantly, almost childlike in the way he held his hands together in front of himself. Again, Kass started singing a song, this time about Champions who fought Ganon 10,000 years ago and some “Divine Beasts”. Time didn’t really understand aside from that this world had, apparently, seen more than its fair share of battle.

All throughout the song the stranger stood and listened as if rooted to the spot, gently nodding his head in time. As Kass finished the stranger gave him some quiet applause. It was a nice moment, considering how strangely eerie this Hyrule was. Time relaxed a little, shifting his weight to lean against a support for the tent when the moment was ruined by a branch snapping under his foot.

The stranger reacted in an instant, a bow in his hands from seemingly nowhere and an arrow pointed straight at Time. Before Time could react to calm the situation, Twilight stepped in front of him with a growl.

“Shush, Pup,” said Time at the same time Kass said “It’s ok, they’re just travelers.”

Time put a hand on Twilight and gently but forcefully shoved him out of the way as he stepped forward into the torchlight at the front of the stable. The stranger had lowered his bow slightly, but still had the arrow nocked and ready.

“Sorry for startling you, my name’s Time, and that’s Twilight. We’re travellers,” said Time in a soft voice.

The stranger just stared, hands still gripping his weapon before Kass chuckled at him.

“They aren’t bokoblins, Link,” said Kass, “No need for the bow.”

Time’s ears pricked up at that. Maybe the Hero wasn’t quite as gone in this world as the story claimed. With a sigh, the stranger, Link, dismissed his bow in a glow of blue light to a small rectangle hanging on his hip. With one hand he reached up to pull down his dark hood and revealed a head of shoulder length blonde hair swept up in a ponytail and a face full of familiarities. He had Time’s blue eyes, Twilight’s proud nose, and the same stubborn cowlick Legend tried to keep hidden with his hat.

Then the similarities ended. The boy staring back at him has skin that told a sad story. Scars twisted up Link’s neck, clawing across his left cheek and disappearing into his hairline. All in all, the kid looked like he had been through hell.

“Sorry. Yiga are common here, can’t be too careful,” signed Link.

“At least you didn’t shoot us,” said Twilight. “Anyway, we hear you know where to find the Shrine of Resurrection. Call us pilgrims of a sort, we’d like to see it.”

Link’s face darkened and his shoulders hunched under his cloak. His eyes skittered away and he bit his lip.

“Why?”

“We’re related to the Hero and we’d like to pay our respects,” said Time. Talking to link was not unlike trying to soothe a spooked horse. All he had to do was speak calmly and evenly and keep his movements slow and telegraphed. “If you know the way, would you be able to show us?”

It did not escape his attention that Link’s eyes shot back to him the moment he said they were related to the Hero. It wasn’t a lie, they were all distantly related across time and space and by the Hero’s Spirit. Link’s stare was piercing, as if trying to see into Time’s soul for the truth. Whatever he was looking for, he found it as he relented with a sigh and his shoulders relaxed a bit.

“I can show you in the morning. Go sleep, we leave at dawn,” he signed at them.

He then turned and vanished into the tent. By the time Time and Twilight followed him inside they could only see a bed with the curtains drawn to mark where he had gone. In the other beds the various heroes slept on, all soon to be awoken to the fact Time and Twilight had found either this Hyrule’s Link or a lead to him.

Next Chapter

[humanmorph]

books i read the past few weeks

Language Death (1941) by David Crystal about dying and endangered languages. I started reading this probably about 2 years ago after randomly coming across it in the library I work at and never finished it. This time I read the chapters slightly out of order, which weirdly enough helped since it got me over the hurdle of having to start with rereading the first & second chapter. Anyways it's written by a linguist for a broader audience - which is noticable both through the language and the way the lingustic field is described but also because the author mentions this multiple times. It explains the situation, causes, reasons why language death should be stopped and what is to be done about it. A sort of plea to the general public. The way it was written felt very urgent, and I can't help but be pessimistic on how the situation looks today (though I haven't looked into it very deep. I just can't imagine it's going great. What is). I liked reading examples of various languages best.

Picnic at Hanging Rock by Joan Lindsey (1967) oh I deleted my notes app note with my notes for this. damn. let's see if I can get them together still. Well I watched the movie last year & really loved it, and have been meaning to read it since then. I want to rewatch it sometime too. It's hard to not just draw comparisons now - but it's impressive how well the movie visualized the airy dreamy feeling of those scenes at the Rock. I really like the descriptions in this book. There's also a part of the narration I love: it talks about a "pattern" going out from the event of the picnic - I love how it connects the very mundane life of everyone else after the disappearances (which are so strange and unsettling in nature) to that event still. A web of coincidences and people being people, & things going just slightly wrong enough (and in some cases, right). "Unseen, unrecorded, the pattern of the picnic continued to darken and spread." I also thought the relationship of Michael (british young nobleman visiting Australia) and Albert (his uncles coachman) was interesting. They're like. besties. There's a scene where Michael (Mike) talks to a young woman and she thinks something like "wow he sure keeps going on about how great this guy is!" The class difference is apparent in the text by way they talk but it gets underlined how they're sort of above it in their connection & trust? I'm sure you can read this a bit closer and get more out of it, especially with the women's college and Sarah as a character (who, in the movie is just straight-up Alberts sister he got separated from at the orphanage - it's not quite as clear in the book iirc, just implied).

The Interior Life by Dorothy J. Heydt (1990) I read this because I saw a synopsis of it somewhere & thought the premise was interesting, but I don't remember where. I wish I did. It's... coming of age but for becoming a better housewife and also she tells herself a fantasy story in her head, which supports her endeavours in the real world. It's sort of like she only starts be fully present in her life and pursue things once there is an option for escapism. I read an epub, so maybe it's different in an actual print-version, but the two stories just sort of blended into each other - just regular paragraph breaks. I actually liked it. I think I went into it thinking that mentally escaping into a fantasy world would be detrimental somewhat, and at the beginning there are occasionally inklings - but it's actually the exact opposite. I kept also expecting for the stories to have some influence on each other, and they do - but 1) only positively and 2) only in the way where Sue essentially uses Amalias (a noblewoman and seer) & Marianellas (her lady in waiting) skills and knowledge to navigate her housewife-life (they talk to each other in Sues head). And once Sue warns some characters with knowledge only she as a storyteller/reader could have. Sometimes what's happening in Demoura (the fantasy setting) is vaguely analogic to her real life (the imo highlight for this is near the end of the book, where her son is sick at the hospital and the final battle with the forces of evil are going on at the same time. it's actually pretty tense). Usually Sue just immediately succeeds at whatever she tries though (PTA meetings, throwing parties for her husbands colleagues, starting to save money by baking her own bread, completely redecorating the house, learning about medieval music and architecture to imagine Demoura better, etc.), and the real conflict is in Demoura. Had I known "interior life" is a concept in catholicism I might've read the book a little differently (not that much though, because I don't actually know a ton about catholicism.). Maybe it does explain a scene shortly after the climax of the book, where she finds herself in a church after having essentially checked out for a while to view the going-ons in Demoura (the fantasy land). I really didn't know what to make of that. Man. Thoughts are all over the place for this one and I don't want to spend more time sorting them. Sort of strange book, but interesting. It was kind of funny to me how the standard white upper middle class american housewife life also kind of read as a fantasy to me as much the /actual/ fantasy part did - which was in many ways a little more familiar because it's pretty standard for the genre. I kind of still wish there was another book with the same or a similar concept, but a totally different tone. Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (2020) I've seen a lot of people talk about this & recommend it, including mutuals so I thought I'd finally give it a shot. Was not prepared for how unsettling it was of a read. I couldn't even name it now, but the vague impressions I got from the talk around it were so different from my experience actually reading. The first entry is so beautiful and evocative, the mood after maybe slightly ominous but with a wonder to it due to the setting and the reverence the narrator has for it, but as it went on I did just keep feeling the dread build up. Very well done, that! I think the memory loss aspect hit me hard in a way I didn't really predict (not that I knew about it going in). The mood stuck to me after. Unpleasant feeling but definitly not a bad one. I think you can guess at what the deal is fairly quick. I remember feeling a bit disappointed about that & such a clear connection to our world - but every subsequent reveal worked so well I didn't mind anymore. I wonder how it holds up on a reread. I don't know. I think I'll keep an eye out for cheap copies on ebay & such.

[fictionadventurer]

Actual June Reads:

Awakened by Roseanna M. White: The author's historical romance background actually put a refreshing spin on the fantasy genre, but it's still weak as a fantasy book. I liked some of the political stuff, was impressed by the fact that she gave us a "girl who is overshadowed by her impressive sister" relationship where I found myself rooting for both sisters, and liked that the 275-year-old magical king actually felt like an adult instead of a broody teenager (though it was weird that they harped so much on how old he was). But the pacing was off, there was nowhere near enough description, and this world is bonkers. It's set on a far-future post-apocalyptic Earth, where a combination of nanobots and divine gifts give people magical powers. The religion is very Catholic, which I loved, but trying to mix real Catholicism with a more Old Testament framework really did not work. (Angels marrying humans and begetting half-human children was so weird). Yet I might read on in spite of myself, just because it is so wild.

G.K. Chesterton: The Apostle of Common Sense by Dale Ahlquist: You know how much I love Chesterton, but some of these essays had me going, "He's not that great." The essays about books I hadn't read tended to work better for me than the ones about books I had read, which I guess is fine, because it's meant to encourage people to read Chesterton, but I wish he'd been able to better capture the appeal of some of my favorites.

Passing by Nella Larsen: The subject matter was fascinating (the dynamics of living in a world that considers you inferior gave me ideas for Shadowstruck), but I did not like any of these characters, and the ending felt like a 1929 literati version of #2edgy4u

The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass: I read most of this in, like, November. Most of my reactions to the horrors of slavery happened then, and the last chapters built on it, but doesn't give me anything new to talk about. Very glad I finished.

Doctor Thorne by Anthony Trollope: I loved every character in this book (Miss Dunstable, character of the year!), but the plot and style were maddening. You could tell how the story was going to end from the moment it was set up, so the rest of the book felt like a holding pattern of waiting for the inevitable to finally happen. And it was made worse by the repetition and digression of the narration. This book could have been 2/3 shorter and been the same story. Also, Frank was not good enough for Mary. But the ending was really sweet and had me thinking about the goodness of patience and trusting in divine providence.

Framley Parsonage by Anthony Trollope: This is the book that sold me on the series aspect of the Barchester Chronicles. It was such a delight to see characters from different books interacting, and it really showcased how much of a world Trollope has built in this series. I was so lost during the political and financial discussions, but I loved the other subplots, and once again, loved all the characters. The friendship themes mean everything to me. Maybe my favorite of the series so far.

Desire by Una Silberrad: It's so nice to return to an obscure book you've been hyping and find out it's actually better than you remember. The themes are so much deeper and the plot so much better-structured than I remember. There are entire characters I'd completely forgotten about that add so much to the story. Desire and Peter's romance is everything, but that's because their characters are so layered and their stories dealing with such big themes. The romance comes with a few very Edwardian comments about "awakening the primitive man/woman", but otherwise, it's so good. The plot sags when Desire and Peter are separated at the end, and maybe the villain isn't really necessary, but still--great book. Last time I read it, I said it was good, but I didn't agree with Jo Walton that it should have classic status. I'm starting to think maybe she was right. It's certainly better than some other books that are called classics.

Potential June Reads

Tolkien's Faith: A Spiritual Biography by Dr. Holly Ordway

G.K. Chesterton: The Apostle of Common Sense by Dale Ahlquist

The Early Church Was the Catholic Church by Joe Heschmeyer

The Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover

Phantases by George Macdonald

The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady by Edith Holden

Awakened by Roseanna M. White

The Codebreaker's Daughter by Amy Lynn Green

[maoam]

WHY HINATA IS NOT A GOOD CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

I wanted to take a deeper look at Hinata’s character, considering there are a lot of claims about her out there, that she’s strong, that she’s kind, that she’s complex and relatable, that she’s the perfect woman and that she’s at least better than Sakura. I don’t really think so, and I’ll explain why. I’ll be focusing on canon, so no fillers or novels will be included in this post. I’ll say this as a warning, if you’re a fan of her character this probably won’t be something you’ll like. This will be tagged with the anti tags and put under read more so please do not complain if tumblr somehow puts this in the normal tags, it is not intentional. Also Sakura stans please don’t write lengthy comments about Sakura under this, I’m not a fan of her either and I’ll write about her later. Make your own post instead.

”HINATA IS STRONG AND THE BEST KUNOICHI”

Hinata is generally really bad as a shinobi and I’m not sure where the claims that she is strong come from. Hinata's entire character revolves around her being weak. This could have been fine if she actually developed, or if she found some other area for herself, yet she's mediocre at best and a waste of panels at worst, because she never becomes good or strong at anything. She’s not only physically weak from start to finish, but she’s also the equivalent of a damsel in distress. Everytime Hinata attempts to do something, she ends up failing, getting beaten up and having to be saved. She lost to her sister who is five years younger than her, which is what marked her as a failure in her clan. She tried to fight Neji in the chunin exams and ended up coughing up blood and losing her consciousness, and Naruto had to beat Neji for her. After Kabuto heals her fully, she spends the rest of part 1 either sleeping or missing in action. Very underwhelming.

If this had been only the beginning, it would have maybe been fine, but it’s a reoccuring pattern with her character. She throws herself in front of Pain, managing to do nothing but get one-paneled and almost killed. Even at the start of the war she had to be saved by Naruto. She tried to run to Naruto and tripped over a rock. Actually, she’s so weak she got Neji killed, when he had to jump in front of her so she wouldn’t get impaled. Why is she even in the front lines when she can’t fight? Even in Naruto the Last movie she had to be saved multiple times. In Boruto the movie she is still useless and reckless, leaving her daughter’s side to help Naruto, ending up defeated and having to be healed by Sakura once again.

I can’t say she’s mentally strong either. She has the personality of someone who hates conflict and tries to avoid it as best as they can, to the point of agreeing with others on everything, as Neji pointed out. Even without him saying it out loud, most of Hinata’s moments that aren’t her thinking about Naruto are her doing exactly this. This is not the personality of someone who is strong mentally. It’s the personality of someone who is too weak to have their own mind, someone who will go with the flow and is easily led and convinced. It can be dangerous the more you think about it. Hinata is also the bystander who never stands up for Naruto despite liking and admiring him. If she’s a compassionate girl, why isn’t she showing this by reaching out to Naruto and befriending him? Why doesn’t she show he’s not alone? Why is she only drawing inspiration from him? I don’t normally watch fillers, but there was one filler scene unrelated to Hinata where this girl says if you only look at the loser and do nothing, you aren’t much better than the oppressors, which probably wasn’t meant to be a call out for Hinata, but ended up being so anyway. Another thing that’s annoying is how she is berating herself often, yet doing nothing, it comes off as self-pity. Even in the Last movie, she is talking about how she must be a bad sister for knitting a scarf when her sister is in danger. Then why are you doing it and not stopping? Of course everytime this happens Naruto must cheer her up because she just can’t stop moping around and doing something herself.

Aside from all this, from the very beginning Hinata’s honor needed to be defended by Naruto because she couldn’t stand up for herself. Of course, after Naruto’s words she did stood up for a moment, and that was good, but it should have been a wake up call which altered her course. Instead, she kept doing the same she always did. If we take the Last movie into consideration, she’s still not strong enough to do anything even about her crush on Naruto. She needs genjutsu and Sakura to do the work for her. So even when it comes to the only thing she cares about 90 % of the time, which is Naruto-kun, she can’t do anything about it. That’s really sad.

”HINATA IS KIND AND SELFLESS”

There’s one mistake I see people make often, and that’s assuming characters that are quiet and shy are automatically kind. I wouldn’t say Hinata is as kind as the fandom makes her out to be. She simply comes off that way because you don’t really see her have her own opinions or disagree with the other characters. Hinata’s shyness on the other hand is most of the time a fetishized quirk to appeal to certain subset of fans. Her shyness doesn’t stop her from taking exams or hanging around Shino and Kiba, or talking to characters other than Naruto. She also has enough attitude to rub Neji’s status as a house slave in his face during their match, but because she stutters Naruto-kun every five minutes she’s supposedly kind. Kindness is shown through actions, not through standing around and stuttering. For comparison, we see Ino befriend an unpopular kid like Sakura, and give her confidence. That’s an act of kindness. Did Hinata ever cared about helping the branch members in any way? No.

She's supposedly "kind" but like I mentioned before she never shows this kindness by standing up for Naruto, or reaching out to him. She simply stares at him behind a tree and draws inspiration from his suffering. The only time she can actually stand up is to selfishly confess her love and die. She even said she felt like being selfish, and like I said she knew there was nothing she could do, she was told she’d only be in the way. She came there only to confess and commit suicide. This actually reminds me of another anime where this female character, after being unable to receive a male character’s love killed herself in front of him and said ”now you’ll never forget me”.

In the end, she cares about nothing but her own hormonal urges. Hinata tried to help Naruto cheat to pass an exam at the risk of disqualifying her whole team. This is the first individual action we see her character take. Did she consider Shino and Kiba during that moment? No, she didn’t even have an inner conflict on whether she should do this, whether it’s right towards her teammates. Even Naruto considers he might get Hinata, Sasuke and Sakura all in trouble if he accepts Hinata’s offer, which is why he doesn’t do it. Then when Hinata wonders if she can cheer for Naruto during his and Kiba’s match, she thinks Kiba might get mad. It’s more about how Kiba views her rather than whether she should cheer for Kiba because they are in the same team and should support each other. During the Pain attack, she left an injured shinobi, who couldn’t move, to go to Naruto, even when said shinobi told her she would only be in Naruto’s way. She didn’t try to save people, she simply wanted to confess and act in front of Naruto. This is about a threat to the entire village, which includes her comrades and her sister and she’s thinking only about her romantic feelings towards a guy she had maybe two conversations with and who barely remembers she exists. How is she better than Sakura? War arc really was the icing on the cake that Hinata’s character is only about Naruto. We should not forget the infamous ”Naruto-kun’s hand is so big… so manly...” is that really the right time to be thirsty? When Neji just died? Shikamaru mentions that he could help out Naruto as a right-hand man and then Hinata thinks “I-I want to be by Naruto-kun’s side too.” Then there’s of course the scene where she starts running to Naruto, leaving her post and teammates, even when Naruto is a mile away and already in the hands of medical ninjas, and even that ends up her pathetically tripping over a rock. Kiba has to remind her to use her byakugan because she is too busy gushing about Naruto. Eventually her only last line is “Naruto-kun”, when everyone is put into IT. It’s like a parody by this point. She doesn’t have any concern for her sister, her father, her teammates, Kurenai or her baby. It’s just “Naruto-kun” like it always is. Even in the Last movie, she is knitting a scarf for Naruto during the mission where they’re supposed to save her sister. Who brings a scarf on a mission? Why is she thinking about her romantic gift to Naruto so much she has to take it with her on a mission which focus is saving her sister? She even looks more devastated when Toneri tores the scarf apart than she ever does for Hanabi’s sake. It’s just silly and selfish.

”HINATA IS A COMPLEX CHARACTER”

Is she complex though? Her development goes from standing behind a tree looking at her crush she never talks to, to committing suicide for feelings that could never be reciprocated, to… waiting that a genjutsu and Sakura guilt trip Naruto enough for him to be with her? Like I already mentioned her character revolves entirely around Naruto, she has no hobbies or interests we know of aside from him. She has no motivations aside from being by Naruto’s side. She once had an interesting goal and backstory, but that was never fully explored, and it turned into her wanting Naruto’s attention and thinking about him. Her clan plot was irrelevant, she showed no interest in wanting to be a leader or even wanting to make things better for the branch members. It’s funny because immediately after the ending, no one cared about the Hyuuga branch and how the storyline was dropped and had no resolution. It was only when Hinata was being attacked for not showing to care did her fans start to over-analyze all the panels looking for the tiniest little clue that might hint at some changes.

It’s possible to be both shy, anxious and quiet and also to be strong, motivated and have interests and dreams. Hinata is never strong for herself, she’s only strong to be with Naruto, to die for Naruto, to motivate Naruto, to have Naruto look at her even for a moment. All the while Naruto doesn’t pay much attention to her unless she’s literally dying in front of him or she slapped him. Even when a big climax is happening, what’s on her mind is always her romantic feelings and her crush. I saw someone say if she were a male character, and she pulled this pointless sacrifice and theatrical confession in the final fight of an arc, she would’ve been universally mocked. Actually, I think even if it was Sakura who did this instead of Hinata the former would have been mocked, because their stans are unable to see the same flaws in their own fave as they see in the other girl. Naruto is a battle manga, characters are supposed to contribute to the defeat of the villain in some material way. The only reason people praise Hinata for what she did in the Pain arc is because they either pity her or because they’re men who think women killing themselves for a man is great because it boosts their ego.

I also notice many Hinata fans don’t notice the vanity in their own fandom. They call Hinata “princess”, ”heiress”, ”Konoha’s first lady” and draw fanart glorifying these concepts and how it makes Hinata good, because they like the superficial status, what they don’t care is the titles are unearned. I thought Hinata’s appeal was that she’s the underdog and a loser? Or maybe her real appeal is the idea of getting everything you want without doing much in order to get it?  Another claim is that Hinata is the perfect woman, which you might see from men. This is what I might dislike the most. Men judge Hinata’s worth and whether she’s a good character based on what kind of woman they want and think is the right kind of woman. Hinata has big breasts, she’s submissive, she has no other interests than the man she likes, and she’s the only girl in her class who didn’t go for the popular guy. Many men hate Sakura, Ino and Karin for being fangirls but praise Hinata for being a fangirl. Basically to them if a character is a fangirl of the wrong guy, she’s a stupid slut. If she fangirls their self insert, she’s wife material and the ideal woman. If Sakura has to be saved, she’s useless. If Hinata tries to kill herself for Naruto, she’s ”so kind”. Rin is a one-dimensional character, but Hinata saying Naruto-kun for the 50th time is depth. Hinata is also claimed to be better than the other girls because she had more kids and thus is more ”fertile”. It’s like feminism never happened and we are back to the 16th century. Why are we judging women’s worth on how many kids they have and how much they can please a man?

I could also talk about how Studio Pierrot turned Hinata into a hentai bait for otakus, which also plays a part in her popularity, but I don’t think it’s necessary, so I will just offer this picture which speaks for itself.

END NOTE

Hinata is simply just a sexist stereotype, a shadow of a real woman, with not much depth, and who is certainly not better than Sakura either. Both of them are fangirls whose characters revolve around men. It’s wild to me how there are women who genuinely act like one must be a misogynist if they reject Hinata’s superficial, one-dimensional and boy crazy character. Her character itself is misogynist for crying out loud. And honestly, what does it say when even the creator himself assumes that Hinata is someone’s favorite character because he must like big boobs?

[targwh0re]

Thoughts on Teen Wolf the Movie while watching it (SPOILERS) pt.1

Before I even start let me say that they should've just made it another 12 or 10 or hell even an 8 episode mini series

Should've opened with Isaac instead of Liam and Hikari in Japan smh. He was the last one to have the triskele box, how tf did Liam get it? (I do understand that Daniel Sharman couldn't be in the film but still...at least give me an explanation)

I don't care what they say, Hikari was supposed to be Kira and Hikari wasn't supposed to even exist. Liam and Hikari are clearly what Scott & Kira Should've been, minus the restaurant in Japan, if they'd done the right thing and brought Kira back in the last season. He said he'd wait for her😭. (Though I Stan the actress for not coming back when they were going to pay her white female castmates more than her. Honestly fuck them for that)

Why does Liam own a restaurant in Japan. How did we get here in our lives. Liam u supposed to be protecting Beacon Hills. Also idk what career I though Liam would get but it definitely wouldn't have been restaurant owner. I can see him as a coach maybe (at Devonford Prep in honor of Brett; huh maybe I did know what career I thought he'd have🤔)

Damn y'all really keeping Nogi with teas and spices. Ig hiding it in plain sight works idk 🤷‍♀️

Why Liam fall like that 😭

Damn Nogi really reminding me of the Witch from Narnia when she appeared in that ice wall thing in the second movie

also if Nogi can talk through that thing, why hasn't he manipulate someone into setting him free already

Though that Nogi was like a regular fly, not a firefly...

Scott being call "The Alpha" like they'll never know🤫 also like I thought Monroe went international w/ her hunting. Ain't no way Scott's just chillin all carefree enough to put his name on a business.

Yeah Scott save that doggie...oh and the little grl too. Also this would've been better plot wise if this was a flashback of Scott saving a little Hikari, it would explain how she's randomly apart of the pack now

Love how Scott's animal clinic looks like a mixture of Deaton's vet place and Derek's loft

Scott talking about having kids one day was how I knew they'd give him Eli at the end. Like wtf, he should be raised by his family, by other born wolves who know about the werewolf history that Derek did. Like hello we got great uncle Peter, auntie Cora, and hell even cousin Malia. Derek WOULD NOT want his SON raised by an ARGENT!

"I didn't see it. I took my eyes off the road for like two seconds to change the song on my ipod"

Wooo spooky 👻

I said ah oop jump scare Chris "I never use the front door" Argent

Poor Chris no parent ever deserves their child to die before them

Bardo! and who stayed up all night doing research about Bardo for you, huh, Mr. McTruealphaman. KIRA!

Yes papa Argent, say fuck

Well Jeff Davis said he wanted the timeline to work out so that Eli was born before Derek returned to Beacon Hills in an interview (idk where it is and I'm too lazy to find it) and after the series finale timeskip in the last season it was 2017, its now 2026 so technically it's been 11 years Scott my boy

Look at me out here fixing the timeline for everyone😁

"I got a feeling the real answers are in Beacon Hills" Yeah no shit Chris, everything's gotta do with Beacon Hills

Scott your the alpha. Be the alpha. Quit asking other people to to decisions for you, for the love of God

So Scott I understand why you left Beacon Hills but are we going to address what happend to Monroe and the internatipnal hunters Corp? No?...okay then

Chris why did you leave mama McCall. Jeff u really out here breaking everyone up. Should've got w/ Papa Stilinski so Scott and Stiles could be brothers fr "oh what could've been"

Why the pack break up? not gonna give me an explanation again...okay I'm sensing a pattern here

Yeassss!!! Business woman Lydia, we knew u could do it. And she looks very snazzy in that white outfit with her ponytail if I do say so myself. Funny how the banshee's business has to do with sound lmao it's perfect.

Lyd!😭 Thats Mrs. Martin-Stilinski to you! Shit at least call her Lyds so that you don't sound like your calling her a lid��

Damn u think Lydia would've learned to look at stuff by now before handing it out. Nah but on a real note I feel like she should have a better understanding of her abilities by now, and have expanded on them, and had more control of them but that might be just me

I SAID ITS MRS. MARTIN-STILINSKI Ray or whatever ur name is!

Oooo the automatic writing again

Yayyy Eli Hale! In my head Eli is a nickname for Elijah, just like Derek is a nickname Frederick (if you known you know🤣)

Hale Auto?! Ain't no way. Derek ain't a mechanic. I refuse. Terrible career choice for the man. He's rich, he ain't even gotta work

Maybe Malia could be a mechanic but I doubt it, ooo a Park Ranger would be perfect.

Love how Eli just hotwired that jeep😂. Oh and just let me say this here and get it out of my system. Eli is similar to both Stiles and Scott when they were younger but he is NOT STILES. Yes he's sarcastic and a little delinquent but do you guys know how many teenagers are sarcastic little delinquents? Alot. It's a teen thing. I was the same way (minus the crimes😂) and still am sarcastic af. Love Eli as Eli, not a mini or replacement for Stiles. Love u guys to death but we went into this knowing there was no Stiles.

Jeff Davis: No Stiles.

Us: No Stiles?

Jeff Davis: No Stiles!

Boys gonna pop a damn wheelie in fucking Roscoe

Love how Parrish just calls Mason instead of tailing him

I'm fucking dead💀they was all too scared to tell Derek (me too thou bc sourwolf is scary😶)

Why is Mason a deputy? Feel like he should be working at Lydia's, like he's right under her is what I'd say he should be doing. I could see Corey, his husband, maybe being a deputy though. *gasp* or a cute little school teacher🥺

I stand by what I said earlier, Malia should be a park ranger and I add to that by saying that she should be the consultant and not Derek (though i understand they had to reintroduce his character) she spent a lot of time in those woods, and she's more intune with her animal side than anyone else

Derek still sexy af

serial arsonist...wolf pack also has a serial arsonist. I swear to God they should've just made it a spin off instead of its own thing

You definitely should call Stiles, he's head of his own supernatural devison in the FBI👍

Love how Derek was like a fugitive for most of the series and now he works w/ the police. Eli taking up that criminal mantel now😂

I mean...is it really grand theft auto if he took it from his own dads shop🤷‍♀️🤣

Derek's got ptsd from the jeep

Eli wanted to race that grl, I now headcanon that's how he flirts. Just like his daddy he's like haha look I'm better than you at something "you wanna see some real speed bitch" (flashbacks to when Derek flirted with Paige by being an ass with that basketball, like grl just wanted to play her cello in peace and quite)

Love how Derek just like slashed the tires. Really said "i don't think so. My names Derek hale. I go way back" (I'm so sorry to anyone reading this)

Part 1-5

[jasontoddiefor]

Tyki Mikk is a Clone and I can (almost) prove it

Tyki Mikk is undoubtedly a fan favorite and yet we don’t really know a lot about him. For a character that was created with the purpose of being handsome (cf. D.Gray-Man Manga Volume 5, page 150), he carries a lot of baggage and has a rather unclear past. A theory that has haunted me since I read chapter 198 and has only grown in strength with the most recent arc is that Tyki is in fact a clone of Nea. As far fetched as this seems at start, there is quite a bit of evidence supporting this theory.

1) Tyki’s visible similarity to Nea (and Mana)

One of the first things Wisely remarks on when he meets Tyki is his similarity to “a certain man” (Chapter 187).

This similarity is picked up twice more in the manga. When Allen meets Nea for the first time (cf. chapter 198), he mistakes him for Tyki at first.

And it is brought up a third time by Nea himself in chapter 225 when he says:

To which Tyki, or rather Joyd, has this wonderful reaction:

But more on that guy specifically later. Point being right here is that three different characters, or four if you want to count Road and Wisely separately, acknowledge that Tyki resembles Nea a lot, down to the man himself. How does that saying go again? Once An Accident, Twice A Coincidence, Three Times A Pattern? This is something that repeatedly gets brought up again. And this is without going into detail on how much Tyki resembles not only Nea, but said man’s identical twin as well. Just look at that dashing long hair!

And take this from chapter 158 as well

Pretty long haired boy Mana is nothing new as of chapter 218 and 219:

Another interesting point here is that Tyki is the exact same height as the Earl in human form! They’re both 188cm tall. Nea, on the other hand, is listed at being 177cm. This could just be that Nea unfortunately ended up as the shorter twin, or, we take into consideration what Mana tells Allen/Red in chapter 238:

He remembers being seventeen, which means that he and Nea probably weren’t done growing yet when the “Earl” corrupted Mana. (It also kind of makes everything about Nea more hilarious if you realize he’s just seventeen.) Tyki, however, is 26 when we first meet him and should be around 27 now. He is an actual adult and not bound to hit another growth spurt.

But to summarize the first argument: Tyki looks uncannily similar to Nea and Mana and the manga keeps pointing it out so we can assume this resemblance is important.

2) Cloning is possible in canon

Now the second point is just here to point out that we know cloning to be possible. Funnily, Tyki’s resemblance to Nea gets pointed out just before the Alma Arc, which very much deals with the concept of reincarnation – only there we have the brains of deceased Exorcists transplanted into youthful bodies.

However, it’s not as if something like DNA hasn’t been mentioned before. Specifically, it has been called “Helix of life” by no other than maybe-former-Bookman but definitely First-Nea-host Past!Allen in chapter 221:

So let’s assume that, in the aftermath of Nea’s “death”, PastA didn’t just wait around for Nea to wake again, but tried to find a vessel for him. Messing around with this helix, and whatever other dubious science and magic this world had to offer, and created a new body to host Nea. Except he failed, and the result is Tyki.

But if that is so, shouldn’t Tyki remember anything about that? Good question. Time for some more shady weird stuff about Tyki.

3) The Missing Years

In chapter 202, while the Earl is resting, Tyki talks to Road. I don’t speak Japanese, so I can’t verify which translation is more accurate, but I’ve found these two:

Now the official German one also goes with a similar translation as the second one here, implying that Tyki has been with the Earl for ten years. In any case, the fact that this decade at all gets mentioned is quite odd because it doesn’t match up with what we know of Mana travelling with Allen. Cross calls Allen a “ten-year-old brat” (chapter 208) when he looks after him. So between Mana travelling with Allen and current canon, only 6 years have passed – what are up with the other 4 that are supposedly within this decade? We don’t have a definite age for how old Allen was when he met Mana, but I’d say around 7 or older. That’s still not enough to fill out the decade they speak about here.

Now, presuming that it does in fact refer to Tyki staying with the Earl for that time, we’re either left with assuming that the Earl acted as a separate entity as we see in 218, or that Tyki’s memories are just flat out wrong.

4) Tyki Mikk’s Canon-Typical Ignorance AKA The Baby of The Family

The more often Tyki appears, the more we see how much he actually doesn’t know about the going-ons of the war, or even himself. This goes back as far as the Ark Arc in chapter 130 with the Earl pointing out that:

So this form is apparently something that all Noah of Pleasure can take on, a sort of second stage of awakening. Still, it feels significant that Tyki separates his life so much into “black” and “white”, “Noah” and “human”, going as far as suppressing a part of his Noah. It puts him in direct opposition to Skinn, who was more or less entirely consumed by his Noah memories. Though, perhaps this is also just a narrative ploy because a character with the ability to chose is, frankly speaking, fuck off overpowered and the only reason why Tyki isn’t constantly leveling battlefields is probably that he just doesn’t know how to apply himself.

Regardless, Tyki’s ignorance also becomes visible in chapter 187 again when he wonders about his Noah name:

Nobody else reacts like he does, even though the other Noah haven’t been awake as long as he has and also should have retained the same memory damage as Joyd after Nea’s murder spree. Yet Tyki feels a little like the baby of the family, still learning and growing while everyone else is already in the know, which can’t be too far from the truth if we look at chapter 225:

Wisely and Road definitely know that something went down and kept it from Tyki for so long for reasons. So besides Allen learning the truth sometime in the future, Tyki is also heading towards some kind of realization – and honestly, what better than the fact that the man who enjoys his freedom and roam so much, was artificially created?

Road could have manipulated his subconsciousness, his memories. It’s a miracle really that the Earl hadn’t had a breakdown around Tyki already given how much he looks like Nea. And if Tyki really awoke as a Noa a decade ago, then eh would have been right the age Nea was when he died. The Earl should have reacted in one way or another.

Other small details that don’t add up is a) the claim that Tyki and Sheril are actual brothers. They have different last names, which would imply that they are perhaps rather half siblings, sharing one parent, or maybe they just aren’t related at all in the first place. The other thing is that Nea recognizing Tyki’s face immediately after confronting Mana about his changed appearance just adds even more suspicion.

5) TLDR

Tyki is either a clone or something else messy went down because there’s no way that there’s a natural Nea and Mana copy running around who also just so happens to be a Noah. No way.

Thanks for coming to my  TED talk I’m never writing meta again this was a nightmare to post.

[spencers-renaissance]

I turn and reach for you

Summary: Three months after Hankel, Spencer starts getting terrible nightmares that keep him up at night. He tries desperately to keep his secret until one day when it's all too much to bear anymore. Luckily, Derek Morgan is there to hold him together as he falls apart.

Tags: nightmares, hurt/comfort, ptsd, angst with a happy ending, fluff, literal sleeping together, getting together, post-revelations TW: past non-con drug use mentioned once in passing

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.1k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo

This feels the "Nightmares" square on my Bad Things Happen bingo card, and was written for this prompt by @i-write-whump. Title from a poem by Devon Strang.

After Spencer is kidnapped by Tobias Hankel, he stays with Derek. Nobody on the team wants him to be alone, and he’s always felt the most comfortable with him, so it makes sense. Besides, he’s got the space.

Spencer sometimes wonders whether the team pushed so hard for it because they genuinely believed that, logistically, Derek was the best option, or because they could also see the slow-burning romance simmering under the surface of their relationship. They’ve always had a special friendship, but Spencer can feel the growing tension: the deep and intense looks they share mid-case, the lingering touches on backs and arms, the affection leaking into each ‘pretty boy’ and every ‘Der’.

Perhaps if Hankel never came into the picture they’d already be together — it really had felt like they were on the precipice of something special — but it’s three months later and Spencer’s still sleeping in the spare room; there’s still just as much will they, won’t they lingering in the air between them.

He tries not to mind too much. After all, he’s never had so much free access to the man he’s pined after for years now, and they’re living in each other’s pockets. Almost every waking hour is spent in one another’s company: they cook together, eat together, watch films together, and neither of them are showing any sign of getting sick of it. But every time they’re cooking pasta and Derek says something ridiculous, Spencer wishes he was allowed to lean in and kiss the tip of his nose; every time they sit down to watch something together, he wishes he could burrow into his side and rest his head in the crook of his neck.

(Sometimes, Spencer wishes he could rewind to the weeks immediately after the Hankel incident when Derek would carry him around the flat to keep him off his broken feet; when he could press his face into his shoulder and inhale the scent of complete and utter safety.)

It’s almost torturous, being so close yet so far.

He isn’t quite sure why the nightmares start so late. The nights during the first couple of months are blissfully dreamless, so exhausted from the physical and emotional trauma that sleep was a tantalising escape, but once he’s back in the field, once normal life resumes, everything changes.

The first time he wakes up sweating and panting, heart pounding as he tries to convince himself that he’s no longer in Hankel’s clutches but is safe and sound in Derek’s apartment, he dismisses it as a one-off. He hasn’t had nightmares yet, so why should they start now? He doesn’t go back to sleep that night, too shaken to relax back into the comforting embrace of sleep, too afraid of deception: that he wouldn’t sleep dreamlessly but that the nightmare would be waiting for him once again.

The second time worries him. He gets up this time and gets a glass of water as quietly as possible, leaning with his back against the kitchen counter as he ponders what this could mean for him. The thing is, they’re so incredibly vivid. It really feels like he’s back at the mercy of a three-in-one torturer armed with drugs and belts and guns, genuinely unsure of whether he’ll ever see his family again. He doesn’t go back to sleep this time, either, instead pacing around the living room until Derek wakes up. He lies that he’s only been up for half an hour, and Derek believes him.

The third time solidifies for Spencer the fact that this is a problem. Three is a pattern, everybody knows that, and Spencer spends the rest of the night scouring the internet for studies conducted around delayed trauma responses and discovers the prevalence of delayed-onset PTSD. He’s tempted to contact a professor he met during his third PhD who specialised in the psychology of trauma, but he thinks better of it. Admitting these nightmares would be admitting defeat.

This is something he has to deal with alone.

(He ignores the truth that it’s more fear than anything else that keeps him from telling anyone: fear of being seen as weak, fear of nothing changing, fear of voicing his trauma out loud. It’s easier to pretend it’s about independent agency.)

It doesn’t affect him too much at first. Sure, he’s scared to go to sleep and he sweats so profusely that it soaks through his bedsheets almost every night, but he’s managing. He’s okay. He contributes just as much to their profiles and takes down unsubs without flinching. He dances around Derek like they have done for over a year, and he sits through Dr Who marathons with Penelope just fine. So what if he’s a bit tired? He’s stared down some of America’s Most Wanted and interviewed famous serial killers, he can cope with a little fatigue.

It doesn’t stay that easy for long.

Soon everybody’s asking about the bags under his eyes, his slower reaction times when they visit the gun range, his twitchiness around the team.

“Are you sleeping okay, Spencer?” Penelope asks him one day, brushing a curly lock of hair behind his ears as they sit side by side on the sofa next to a conked out Derek.

He can’t nod his head quick enough. “Yeah! Yes, uh. Yes, Penelope, I’m sleeping fine, I promise,” he says as convincingly as he can, flashing her a smile. He hates lying to her, but he can’t let anyone find out, he just can’t.

Slowly, he begins losing his grip on reality. He’s almost delusional from the sleep deprivation, and he starts seeing Hankel everywhere he goes. He’s stood behind the fridge door, in the foyer of the FBI Headquarters, in the toilets of a local police station, stood right behind the unsub they’re currently trying to talk down, goddamnit.

He’s beyond exhausted, but some nights he still refuses to sleep, too afraid of what awaits him in his dreams, too afraid of the fear he knows he’ll carry into the next day, too afraid of feeling weak again. Helpless. Completely and utterly without agency.

He sits up with his back against the headboard, the main light off but the lamp switched on, scrolling through as many scholarly articles as he can read in a night, drinking cup after cup of steaming black coffee. Most nights he makes it through till morning without sleeping a wink, but sometimes he can’t stop himself from drifting off The nightmares on those nights are the worst.

He isn’t okay and people are starting to notice. Everyone’s walking on eggshells around him right now, but he knows it won’t be long before Penelope organises an intervention that Hotch hosts and Derek directs. The worst part about it is that he feels like a trainwreck waiting to happen. He’s headed straight for complete and utter collapse, and the only possible way to stop the train in its tracks is to reach out and get help, the one thing he can’t get himself to do.

And he isn’t even really sure why.

It all comes to a head on a warm night in July. He’d fallen into bed that night deliberately, actually intending to sleep for once. The bone-deep tiredness had finally caught up to him and he didn’t even care that he was walking straight into the arms of Tobias Hankel, if it meant he got even an iota of refreshing sleep, then it would be worth it.

But he isn’t quite of the same mind when he wakes up at two in the morning like he does almost every night: soaked in sweat with his heart going a million beats per minute, with only one difference. Tonight, he’s crying.

Maybe it’s the emotional turmoil of the last few months catching up to him, or maybe it’s just the severity of this particular dream, but whatever it is, he can’t seem to stop even once he’s awake. Sobs wrack his shoulders as he cries miserably into the pillow, finally letting out the emotions he’s kept bottled up so tightly, and he’s almost wailing after a couple of minutes of anguish.

All he can think as he cries helplessly is how badly he wants Derek. He wants to be wrapped up in his strong and safe embrace, he wants to feel the movement of his soft goatee against his cheek, he wants to inhale the comforting scent of his sleep t-shirts, he wants the warmth and solace that only Derek Morgan can give him, and in that moment, emotionally distraught and so incredibly sleep-deprived, he decides to get it.

He stumbles out of his bedroom and down the hall, stopping once he reaches Derek’s door. He hesitates for only a second before he pushes it open slowly, allowing the light from the lamp they keep switched on in the hallway to gently illuminate the shadows of his bedroom.

“Spencer?” Derek asks groggily, immediately sitting up and wiping his eyes. “What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

At the acknowledgement of his tears, Spencer starts to cry harder, and as embarrassed as he feels, he can’t slow the steady stream of tears rolling down his face as he stands in the doorway like a child in their parents’ room.

“Spence,” Derek says again, gentle and sympathetic, “come here.” He lifts the duvet up and scooches over slightly as if to make room for him in his already spacious king-size bed.

He doesn’t need to be told twice, though, and he stumbles forward, collapsing into bed and wrapping himself around Derek instantly. His arms come up to circle Spencer’s waist, caressing him gently as he holds him close to his body, shushing him quietly.

“It’s okay, Spence,” he murmurs. “I’m here now, alright? We’re gonna fix whatever it is, I promise you. We’ll get through this. You’ll get through this.”

He lets himself cry and cry and cry until his tears are dried up and he’s hiccupping from the force of his sobs. He would feel terrible about the damp spot left on Derek’s t-shirt, but he simply doesn’t have the energy. Instead, he continues to lie there on Derek’s chest, listening to his softly spoken assurances and losing himself in the sensation of Derek’s fingertips caressing the skin of his waist.

After a couple of minutes of silence, interrupted only by the odd hiccup from Spencer’s tired lungs, Derek finally asks the question. “What was that all about, pretty boy?” he asks with a tenderness Spencer isn’t sure he’s ever heard before. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Been having nightmares,” Spencer whispers, keeping his eyes closed against Derek’s imploring gaze.

He feels Derek tense beneath him, his fingers briefly pausing before resuming their comforting patterns on his waist, and a heavy breath escapes his lips. “For how long?”

“Last couple of months,” he mumbles, and somehow another tear manages to escape Spencer’s screwed up eyes.

“Well,” Derek sighs, “I suppose that explains a lot. We’ve been so worried about you, Spencer. We had no idea what was going on but we could all see you withdrawing, and it wasn’t exactly a secret how exhausted you were.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Derek says sadly. “I should’ve pushed harder to figure out what was going on with you. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this all alone.”

“I didn’t know how to tell anyone,” Spencer says, suddenly desperate to explain as he shifts slightly to look Derek in the eye. “I was so scared and I didn’t want anyone to think that I was weak or I couldn’t do my job anymore, and I just didn’t know what to do.”

“I know, Spence,” Derek says soothingly, “but you’ve told me now, haven’t you? And I’m going to do everything I can to get you some help. We’ll fix this, baby. I promise you, I’m going to make sure you’re happy and healthy again if it’s the last thing I do, okay?”

Spencer sniffs a little, wiping tiredly at his eyes as he blinks up at the sincerity on Derek’s face. For the first time in far too long he manages a smile. “Okay.”

Derek runs a hand through his hair before dropping a kiss to the top of his head. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?”

Spencer’s smile widens and he buries his face in Derek’s chest again as his cheeks flush red. “Please.”

Months later, they’ll realise they never officially asked one another to be in an actual, exclusive relationship. Months later, they’ll know instinctively and with absolute certainty that this night was the night that changed everything for them, and exactly one year later, they’ll celebrate their first anniversary on that date.

Tonight, though, they sleep curled up next to one another in Derek’s bed, and although Spencer doesn’t fall into the same dreamless sleep he grew used to immediately after Hankel, for once he isn’t haunted by nightmares, but dreams inflected with hope for what the future holds for them, and he’ll take that over dreamlessness any day.

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @lesbiantodds @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @enbyspencer @reidology @transhanniballecter @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @ @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @reidreids @ropoto @thosecriminalminds (add yourself to my taglist)

[justmypartner]

I’ll hold you close in the quiet

Summary: Inspired by 9x03 bts/synopsis - After moving into their new home together, Jay and Hailey find themselves struggling when buried secrets come back to haunt them. They soon realize there’s only one thing that can make things feel better - each other. 

*title taken from the song Watching You by Night Traveler 

Read on AO3 or below

Hands entwined, strides in sync, Hailey and Jay climbed the steps to the front door of their new home. Their home. It still felt so strange to say. After getting engaged and realizing they were only wasting money still paying the lease on two separate apartments, they began the hunt for a place of their own. Hailey had been no stranger to house hunting. In fact, she’d been in and out of at least three places in the past few years, but she’d never found a place as perfect as that one. The commonality among each of her previous places was that none of them ever truly made her feel like she was at home. Not in the same way she felt standing there on that stoop. 

She couldn’t quite explain it. She just knew that the feeling she had was one of certainty and peace, and she could tell Jay felt the same way. They never spoke the words, but they were each other’s home. No house or apartment would ever give them the same warm and comforting feeling they gave each other. So that’s why the shell before them, the empty structure waiting to be filled felt so much like home for them — because it was theirs together. 

“Should I carry you over the threshold?” he asked her, holding out his arms.

She let out a nervous laugh. 

“I’m pretty sure you do that after we’re married. Plus, you’re not carrying me anywhere.”

“Is that a challenge or a threat?”

“Neither,” she laughed, flashing him her best you’re an idiot smile. “I just don’t want-“

Her words were cut short with a screech as he picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder before carrying her through the doorway.

“Jay put me down!”

Their laughter was the first thing they filled the space with, and they only hoped that it augured well for their future there. 

They spent the next few days settling into that home, starting a new chapter, a better chapter, in neutral ground they were working to make their own. It was the perfect blend of his things, her things, and new things, something that only reflected the very essence of their relationship. 

Packing, moving, unpacking, it was all just the distraction Hailey needed from the Roy and Voight of it all. Putting all of her energy into the process kept her mind busy, something she was glad for considering how rampant her mind would run in the quiet. 

Voight had told her to learn to be okay with not being okay. She couldn’t help but envy how capable he was of doing that. He was back to business as usual every day since that night in the warehouse. Though, she couldn’t seem to flip that switch so easily. Insomnia kept her up most nights, her appetite was almost non-existent, and she was beginning to forget what it felt like to not be on edge at all times. She had to put on a face — a face that told the world everything was fine when really, pain and guilt had been eating her alive every second of every day since she pulled that trigger.

The job that was once the one thing that made her feel safe now felt like her biggest threat. She couldn’t bring herself to look her sergeant in the eyes. His placid demeanor only filled her with a rage she feared she’d never come back from if she gave into. She also couldn’t bear to face Kim who was struggling in her own ways, hellbent on finding the man who shot her. The man Hailey knew was already in the ground. Work was no longer her safe space. So what she was left with was Jay and the sanctuary they were building together. 

After long, anxiety-ridden days, operating on autopilot, jumping every time a stranger said her name, coming home to Jay was the only thing that could make her feel normal again. Anything as simple as his touch or the soft voice he only chartered with her was enough to cast away all of the bad and remind her that things were okay because she had him. 

What she didn’t know was that no matter how hard she’d tried to hide the fact that she wasn’t okay from him, he knew her well enough to see through the facade. He’d been watching her. He knew something was wrong, but he didn’t pry. He’d pretend to sleep when her restlessness had her fleeing from the bed in the middle of the night, and he’d pick up her favorite foods when he noticed she’d gone the whole day without eating. He knew something was eating at her, but also knew whatever it was, she would tell him when she was ready. 

So, they leaned into their new chapter together, pulling out the best moments and treasuring them amid the worst ones. Yet, as fate would have it, just as they’d reached a point of bliss with one another in their new home, old ghosts came back to haunt them. For Jay, those ghosts came in the form of an old army buddy, for Hailey, it was the FBI’s investigation into Roy’s whereabouts. 

Each struggling in their own ways, they found themselves isolating from everyone and everything, including each other. They couldn’t be the usual anchors they were for one another because they were both working to conceal the secrets they wanted to protect the other from. At work, they rarely spoke unless it was about the case. They weren’t checking in on each other, they weren’t being the support they both needed, instead they were relying on the one thing they could give: the unexplainable comfort they got just from being in the presence of one another.  

So that night, after dealing with their ghosts separately, they tucked into their shared bed in their shared home, sharing everything but the thoughts in their heads.

Late into the night, Jay woke to an empty bed. Hailey had already silently escaped hours prior. He had been so used to giving her that space, rolling back over when he realized she was gone to conceal the fact that he even knew she was. Not that night. After everything that day, that case, the ghosts he’d faced, he needed to be close to her. He needed the comfort of the other half of his heart beside him, in his arms, reminding him that everything was going to be okay. So he got up and found her in the living room. She had the corner lamp on, shining a dim glow over her head as her eyes followed the words of a small book in her hands. She wore that focused frown he’d come to love, and he smiled as he watched her unnoticed.

“You know, if you’re already sick of sleeping next to me, I don’t know how long this engagement thing is going to last,” he joked, his cheeky grin eliciting a low laugh out of her. It was the first time that day either of them felt anything even resembling joy.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” she sang quietly, closing the book over her thumb to mark her position as she looked up at him. His mouth twitched up at the corners.

“What are you doing up?” his voice was tired and raspy. He tilted his head at her and slid his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants.  

“What are you doing up?” 

He smirked, moving the loose boxes from the coffee table so that he could sit on the edge across from her. They had unpacked the major things, but random boxes were still scattered about the house. It was just a reminder that things were still a work in progress.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

She smiled, knowing he knew the question was rhetorical. Knowing he knew exactly what her response was going to be. 

“No, do you?”

He shook his head and took a deep breath, pushing on his knees to stand.

“Scoot over,” he instructed, waving a finger for her to make room for him. She put her book down at the edge of the couch and moved into the cushions, allowing space for him to join her. He settled down next to her, propping his arm up under her body as she tucked into him. He let out a breath of relief when she was in his arms. That feeling, that comfort of having her so close to him, it was like that first breath after coming up for air. It was like the weight of that day had sat so heavy on his chest that it had collapsed his lungs, and she was the air he needed to breathe again. What he didn’t know was that he made her feel the exact same way. 

“Let’s not talk about it then,” he whispered, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. 

Hailey’s right arm draped over him, pulling him closer as her left hand tapped light patterns against his chest. He reached over and grabbed her hand in his, playing with her fingers as silence fell upon them. 

“I think maybe we should consider putting something on this finger,” he whispered, the motion of his breath moving the hair on the top of her head. 

“Oh yeah? What were you thinking?” she asked, smiling as she allowed him to raise her hand in the air.

“I don’t know, something nice. Maybe a ring?”

“Hm, I like this idea,” she hummed, twisting her head so that she could place a kiss against his chest. 

“We’ll get you a ring then,” he said certainly. 

“How about a new last name too?” she added, a playful twitch in her voice. 

“Hailey Halstead… I like the sound of that,” he murmured. 

“Me too.”

She raised up to look at him and he leaned forward to kiss her. When they pulled away, her face fell back into his chest and he continued to trace her hands with his fingers.

“Hailey?” he muttered. 

“Hm?” 

“I do want to talk about it. Not tonight…but someday.”

“Same here, Jay.”

They laid like that for the next few hours, holding each other close in the quiet, surrounded by an overwhelming sense of comfort capable of hiding away all of the fears and sorrows stirred up that day. Whatever they went through, whatever weighed heavy enough on them to scare them and make them uncomfortable, they both knew all it would take was a moment like that to feel okay again. Even if it was just for the night. They were each other’s home, each other’s safe space, and they knew that as long as they were together, their actual home would always feel that way too.  

[reidgraygubler]

peanut buttercup (matthew gray gubler/reader)

Title: Peanut Buttercup

Anon Requested: Hi so I been asking for this request for awhile but no one seems to do it. I was wondering if you could write a Matthew Gray Gubler x Fem! Reader. And they have a 5 year old kid. They both work together on Criminal minds and play each other’s love interest. One day their babysitter cancels and they have to bring their kid to set. They have a balance taking care of a kid and filming. And can you possibly add that Matthew is filming one of his unauthorize documentary and he includes his kid. I would really love to read this.

Couple: Dad!Matthew Gray Gubler/Fem!reader

Category: fluff

Content Warning: swearing, Dad!Mgg, mentions of being sick

Word Count: 5,076

Summary: When reader and Matthew’s babysitter cancels on them on a last minute notice, they’re forced to bring their 5-year-old daughter, Tallulah ‘Peanut’, to set. Matthew and Reader have to re-learn to balance filming, on set tomfoolery, and taking care of their daughter. 

A/N: i literally love this request so much, it’s so cute and makes me feel so soft. I really needed to write some cute fluff after everything im writing, especially for a different type of high… so thank you for sending this in. i think we need more dad!mgg fluff too, we stan dad!mgg. So, meet tallulah jane ‘peanut’ gubler, and reader ‘buttercup’ gubler :))) im so soft right now. thanks for all the love and support! check out my masterlist! 

{***}{***}{***}

It was… quiet. Quite possibly too quiet. Especially for a house that has 2 actors and a five-year-old daughter. I was getting the chance to sleep in a little later than normal, and there's no husband or little girl begging for breakfast. Maybe husband took her on a morning jaunt? No, that'd be too ambitious for him, and even for her. Or, maybe he put a movie on and she's actually watching. Or maybe- frick, nevermind. I clearly spoke too soon and had my hopes too high. The pitter-patter of little feet, followed by the louder footsteps of an adult man came running into the bedroom.

"Tallulah," Matthew's voice was soft, like he was whispering but knew it'd be useless. Because once she got up into the bed, I was starting to wake up more.

"Mommy, mommy! Wake up! Wake up!" A little girl's voice shouted as she jumped on the bed. I kept the blanket over my body and groaned as a small body jumped on top of mine.

"5 more minutes," I pretended to whine as I pulled my blanket over my head. I could hear Matthew's laughter as Tallulah jumped into my body. I groaned at the sudden weight on my still tired body. "Okay, okay I'm awake," I tiredly spoke as I sat up. Tallulah fell onto the bed beside me in a fit of laughter.

Matthew was already dressed and what seemed ready for the day. His glasses sitting on his nose, and his hair falling perfectly around his face. A bizarre patterned shirt, that I wouldn't be surprised if Tallulah picked it, hung off his frame, paired with a pair of jeans and his converse. How long had he been awake? 

"I tried telling her you wanted 5 more minutes," Matthew laughed as he looked at me. I looked back at him and smiled, before looking down at our daughter, who was still laughing. Her beautiful brown and curly locks of hair, though somewhat a ratty mess, covered her face just enough to show her toothy smile and brown/hazel eyes. "She just wouldn't listen. She wanted to know what you wanted for breakfast," Matthew smiled as he sat beside me on the edge of the bed.

"Breakfast!?" I exclaimed as I looked down at Tallulah. She looked up at me and smiled before rolling around on her back. "I guess that’s up to you, Peanut," I smiled as I placed a hand on her stomach.

"Pancakes!" She sat up and looked at me. I looked over at Matthew and smiled. The amusement he wore on his face made me feel happy. Of course, no matter what his daughter did, he was amused or happy. I don’t blame him though, she’s basically the mini-me version of him.

"Pancakes!? That sounds like a great idea!" I brushed her hair away from her face, "how about you and daddy get started in those while I take a quick shower and get ready for the day?" I asked with a smile. I glanced back at Matthew, silently telling him to help me out with this. “Maybe make me some chocolate chip pancakes? Oh! Or a few apple cinnamon?” I smiled at him. Matthew laughed at my enthusiasm for pancakes.

"Sounds like a solid plan to me," Matthew stood up and placed his fists in his hips. Tallulah looked between Matthew and me before falling off the bed in a sensible style. 

"Sounds like a plan," she copied Matthew's action and looked up at him with a smile. I smiled and watched as the pair marched out of the room. 

I sighed deeply before lying back again for a minute. I knew the second I left my bed, mommy mode would have to be fully turned on for the morning. Although mommy mode was way more preferable than actor mode, I just get to be around my favorite little girl and it makes me happy. 

Time, unfortunately, was not on my side. It was nearing the time Marianne (Tallulah’s nanny) would be here, and Matthew and I would have to leave for work. Which all meant I had about 15 minutes to shower, get dressed, and actually get ready for the day.

Once I was finished showering and getting dressed, I went to the kitchen where I knew I'd find Matthew and Tallulah. The sweet smell of apple cinnamon pancakes found its to my nose. 

“Those pancakes smell amazing!” I spoke as I entered the kitchen. Matthew was standing beside Tallulah, gently brushing out her knotty hair. “I can't wait to have one,” I looked down at Tallulah, “did you help make them, Tj?”

“Yeeeah!” She exclaimed as she put her fork in her mouth. 

“Did you also help make the mess?” I looked around the counter at the mess that suddenly appeared overnight. Matthew looked down at Tallulah, who was looking up at him with wide eyes. She was obviously whispering something to him, causing Matthew to laugh. 

“That was, uh… That was Rumple Buttercup,” Matthew nodded as he looked back up at me. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow. “He came up here just as you got into the shower and made the biggest mess? Isn’t that right, Peanut?” Matthew looked back down at her and wink.

“Yeah! It was Rumbellercup.” She looked at me with a cheesy smile. 

“Right,” I faked an amused smile before nodding. I quietly grabbed a sponge and began wiping up the sticky flour mess on the countertop. “Well, next time, Rumple Buttercup should stick around and clean up,” I smiled as I looked over at the two.  

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry about the mess,” Matthew winked at me. I rolled my eyes before continuing my cleaning. Well, tried to continue before being stopped by my phone ringing. 

“Phone!” Tallulah shouted as she pointed towards me and my phone. I looked up at her and smiled.

“Looks like it’s Marianne,” I looked at the screen, noticing her name, “Wonder why she isn’t here yet,” I spoke before answering.

“Hey, Marianne! We were just talking about you!” I smiled as I tossed the icky sponge into the sink.

“I’m really sorry, Mrs. Gubler,” her voice was low as she spoke. I furrowed my eyebrows and cocked my head, “I’m afraid I have to cancel. I can’t babysit Tallulah today?”

“What do you mean you have to cancel?” I asked, I honestly had my answer the second she sneezed, then coughed, then sneezed again. “You know something, it’s okay,” “I’m really sorry, Mrs. Gubler,” she spoke through a cough. I cringed as I looked over at my husband and five-year-old. I could sense that she was talking about something, and he was doing his best to keep up and understand whatever it was she was saying. 

“It’s okay! It’s okay, really. I hope you feel much better. Take all the time you need,” I insisted as I rested my hand on the counter, “We’ll figure something out. I just hope you feel better,” I frowned as I kept my eyes on the two. 

“Again, I’m so sorry,” Marianne whispered. I bit my lips back and shook my head.

“Get some rest. Call if you need anything,” I replied before hanging up. I placed my phone on the counter before going to grab things for lunch for Tallulah. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Matthew looked up at me as he brushed Tallulah’s hair into two pigtails. He had a certain look of worry on his face as he looked at me. I looked up at him as I made a ham and cheese sandwich. Hopefully, she enjoys a sandwich with all the fruit snacks a five-year-old could consume (which, unfortunately, was a lot), and some actual fruit. I'm sure when on our way home we'll stop somewhere for dinner or late lunch. That's hope it usually works when Tallulah comes to set with us.

“Marianne is sick. Can’t babysit today,” I frowned as I looked between him and Tallulah. Tallulah was too busy eating her pancakes and rambling about Alvin and The Chipmunks (specifically about how Theodore was her favorite, not Simon) to actually care about our conversation. 

“Really,” Matthew looked at me and dropped his shoulders. He puffed his cheeks a little bit before frowning, “No one else?” 

“I mean, I could call Aj and see if her babysitter can watch Little Miss, but that’d be a lot for one lady,” I paused as I looked down at our daughter, “Or we could bring her. You know how much everyone on set loves seeing her,” I shrugged as I looked up at him. Even though it was a lot of work bringing a five-year-old to set, we both loved it. The balance between working and taking care of her was a bit rough, but we always made it work. 

“We could do that, we have a couple of scenes together, I’m sure we could get Kirsten or someone to be with her for that time,” he looked down at his daughter before adjusting her pigtails, “Maybe even convince the writers to give Spencer and Mollie a daughter,” he looked back at me and winked. I shook my head.

“You should finish getting her ready because we have to go soon,” I pointed out. Matthew looked down at Tallulah with a smile before shrugging.

“Alright, let’s go, Peanut!” Matthew spoke as he lifted Tallulah up and stood her up on the table. I looked at the two and smiled.

“You get to come to work with me and daddy today,” I walked over to them and readjusted her crocked pigtails, and carefully pinched her cheeks, “That means you get to see Auntie Kirsten, Auntie Aj, Auntie Pag, and everyone else,” I smiled and watched as Matthew lifted her up on to his hip. 

“Yay!” Tallulah shouted once she was clinging to Matthew’s side. The two of them closely resembled a Koala. She grabbed Matthew’s face, a hand on either side, to get his attention, “Daddy’s work,” she whispered. I smiled, already looking forward to the shenanigans that was about to happen during our day. Whenever we bring Tallulah to set for a visit, almost everyone wants to spend time with her. And she sucks up all the attention. She’s got everyone wrapped around her tiny little finger. 

“Go pick out some cool clothes with daddy while I finish making your lunch. Sounds good?” I looked at her. She smiled and nodded before looking at Matthew. 

“Let’s go get out of your jammies,” Matthew spoke, tugging on her Elsa nightgown. The two walked away and towards her bedroom. I  seriously hope he’ll help her pick out something nice to wear and not let her wear a princess dress. I love it, but not today. {***}{***}{***}

“You gotta be a good girl for mom and I, okay? You can watch us while we work, but you gotta be super quiet,” Matthew held a finger up to his lips, as if he was telling Tallulah to be quiet. She smiled before copying his action. “Can you do that?”

“I can do that,” she enthusiastically nodded once Matthew set her on the ground. I squatted beside her and gave her a few quiet toys and coloring books as Matthew went to talk to one of the assistants/interns nearby. 

“Look, we packed your favorite coloring book,” I smiled as I placed the coloring book on the ground beside her. She grabbed the crayons from me and poured them out. I looked at her for a moment before standing upright.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just have her in the trailer? It’d be safer for, well, everyone. And if we check on her every so often,” I looked at Matthew once he was back beside me. We walked side by side back towards wardrobe and makeup. 

“Nah, it’s fine. One of the interns said they’d watch her. And then we can get one of the makeup artists to watch her. You know how much they love her,” Matthew smiled at me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I remembered the day we visited set after Tallulah was born. Other than Kirsten and AJ, the makeup artists were the ones to not leave our side because they loved her so much. I honestly didn’t blame them. “Don’t stress so much about this, Buttercup, this isn’t the first time she’s had to come to set with up. And you know for a fact it won’t be the last time,” he stopped right in front of the door to the makeup studio. “She’ll do a great job,” he smiled before hugging me. 

“I know, I know. She’s just a lot older than she was the last time she came with us. And I know something will happen,” I sighed, pressing my face into his shoulder. Matthew laughed as he squeezed me tightly. 

“And, if she does, we’ll take a break, bring to the trailer, and calm her down. C’mon, you know she’s a great kid,” he looked down at me as he rested his hands on my shoulders. I laughed as I looked up at him.

“That’s because she’s your kid,” I nodded before stepping away from and entering the makeup studio.

Of course, luck was not really on our side. We were a few hours left of filming, Tallulah had been doing a great job, staying quiet and playing with one of the make up artists. Until she bashed her head into a table, causing her to go into full hysterics. 

“I got it, I’m done for the day anyways,” Aj looked at me from her space on the ground, away fro the raised set, “She’ll be okay. I can make all little girl boo-boos go away,” she smiled before stepping up to me. I looked at her before looking over at Matthew, who was already over soothing our daughter. 

“I owe you big,” I walked up to her, “You know we have stuff in our trailer for her. I think it might be naptime,” I looked at her, feeling the worry in my brow.

“Got it, naptime,” Aj gave me a thumbs up before stepping off the set. I watched as she carefully approached Matthew and Tallulah. Tears were still fresh in her eyes, but she was laughing at whatever it was Matthew was telling her. I could feel a smile tugging on my lips as I watch Aj grasp Tallulah’s hand, leading her away from the studio. 

“She’ll be fine,” Matthew smiled at me before pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. I hummed before stepping away from him.

“Oh, I know that, I don’t doubt. I’m just tired, I suppose,” I rubbed the underside of my nose, “But, we’re almost done,” I nodded with a smile. I was just happy we were able to get back to work pretty quickly after the temper tantrum.

{***}{***}{***}

“I think we’ve got what we needed for today! That’s a wrap!” The director shouted to everyone on set. I allowed my shoulders to slump as a yawn worked its way through my mouth. Matthew laughed as he looked over at me.

“You definitely needed those extra five minutes,” he spoke as he shrugged off his ‘Spencer Reid’ blazer. I yawned, again, and nodded. 

“Suppose that’s life with a 5-year-old,” I stepped off the set with him and walked beside him towards our trailer, “Do you want to go get that girl in question, or should I?” I raised an eyebrow once we were both in the privacy of our small trailer. 

“You should. I want to do something real quick,” he pecked my lips real quick as he walked towards the backend of the trailer. I looked down at the few toys that were thrown around the floor, before grabbing Tallulah’s backpack and sweater. 

“You want to do something? What would that be?” I asked, throwing the strap of the backpack over my shoulder. A moment later, Matthew stepped back towards me, wearing a Babygirl hat that Shemar got for him, and a purple scarf that he totally stole from me. “You look like a douchebag,” I scoffed as I turned towards the door, “You’re lucky I love you, and that we’re married,” I turned back and looked at him for a moment. 

“I think you’re the lucky one, Buttercup,” Matthew spoke to me as I stepped off the trailer. I laughed and shook my head. “Not everyone can score this,” he spoke as he gestured towards his body. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, are you going to let me go get our kid? Or are you going to pull me into whatever it is you have planned,” I asked with a sly smile on my lips. 

“Should probably go get Tallulah,” he shrugged as he followed beside me. I looked at him and allowed him to kiss me softly. “Good luck,” 

“I’ll need all the luck in the world,” I laughed before peeling away from him. I could hear him talking to someone as I walked away, and I could only imagine it was one of the cameramen. 

Usually Aj took her out of the studio the second the tantrum started, bringing somewhere quiet. Usually, it was our trailer, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were there for a bit, but I knew after naps it was always snack time. So, I went towards the cafeteria.

“Mommy!” A little voice shouted from across the room. My eyes scanned around, looking for my little girl and friend. Aj was sitting at one of the tables with Tallulah on her lap. Tallulah was busy, eating chicken nuggets that Aj must’ve gotten for her. So much better than a ham and cheese sandwich.

“Hey, Peanut!” I exclaimed as I sat across from them at the table. I glanced at Aj and smiled, silently telling her thank you. “Did you have a fun time with Auntie Aj?” I looked back down at Tallulah.

“Yeah!” She exclaimed before shoving a whole chicken nugget in her mouth. I raised my eyebrows and laughed.

“We took a nap, colored, played with some dolls, and then we were hungry,” Aj looked up at me as she listed their activities during the last few hours. I nodded and leaned over the table.

“That sounds like a great time. I wish I could take a nap,” I sighed before stealing one of her nuggets. Tallulah glared at me as I munched on the food. “I wanna see your drawings!” I smiled at her. Tallulah turned and looked up Aj, asking her to show the drawings she made.

“Tada!” she beamed as she showed me her drawings. I looked down at the 4 sheets of paper with a multitude of colors. One of them was easily imaged as a family portrait and I could easily point out Matthew and me, and Tallulah. Another one was just a tornado of colors, with animal stickers placed around them. And the last two pictures were coloring pages we had printed off, a Disney princess and a picture of Alvin and the Chipmunks (again, it’s her favorite movie… And not because her dad is in it).

“These are awesome, Peanut!” I looked back up at her with an excited smile, “I’m sure you had such a great time with Auntie AJ! I can’t wait to hear about it all! What do you say to her?” I looked at Tallulah as I brushed hair away from her face.

“Thank you, Auntie AJ,” Tallulah looked up at Aj with a bright, cheesy smile. Aj returned the smile as she looked at my daughter.

“Of course! I had a wonderful time with you! You be good for mom and dad, okay?” Aj asked before offering a hug. Tallulah squealed before throwing her arms around Aj. I smiled, watching the pair interact.

“Should we go find daddy? I’m sure he’d love to see your drawings!” I asked stood up. Aj helped Tallulah to the ground before standing up herself. Aj handed me Tallulah’s stuffed animal and a few of her other things. “Thank you so much, Aj,” I smiled at her.

“Of course, you know I love watching her,” she returned the smile, “Seriously, if you need help with you, you know I’m always available, even on set,” she hugged me.

“Of course, again thank you so much,” I returned the hug before letting her leave. Tallulah watched as Aj walked away, before looking up at me with a smile, “Let’s find dad,” I smiled before offering her my hand. She grabbed it before walking beside me. I handed her stuffed animal back to her as we left the cafeteria. 

“Are you going to show daddy your pictures?” I looked down at Tallulah. She was holding a small stack of papers in her hand as she skipped beside me. Her stuffed animal was now stuffed under her arm since her hands were too busy holding her drawings and she didn’t want me to hold it. “You did a good job with your family portrait,” I looked at the papers in her hand. She was looking down at that very picture with a big smile on her face. 

“Yeah!” She looked up at me and gushed. I chuckled as she hugged her pictures close to her chest. 

“Do you think he’ll like them?” I looked up and saw Matthew at a bit of a distance, someone standing beside him as he talked. He was moving around a lot, which told me he was up to something.  

“Yeah!” Tallulah exclaimed as she added a little bit of a skip to her step. And that skip in her step told me that she was excited. Well, it was more than the skip in her step. It was also the sweet-tooth, cheek-achingly, adorable smile she wore on her precious little face. 

“Do you think he’ll… Love it?” I looked down at her for a moment. She stopped walking for a second as she looked down at the picture she had drawn. Tallulah was definitely blessed with Matthew’s sense of style when it came to art (and clothing), which was lovely. She’ll be something of an artist when she grows up, I’m sure of it. Especially when her family portrait has three people and two of them have 2 heads and 4 arms, and the other one has a tail. But, that’s okay. Matthew will most definitely love her drawing. I know I do.

“Love it! Love it!” She looked up at me as she jumped. I laughed and shook my head. She looked down at the pictures again before holding them up to me. I raised an eyebrow before taking them from her to hold. 

“Well, I know I love them,” I looked back down at her. As we continued walking, she kept talking about what she got to do with Kirsten and Aj. Her babble was still a little bit incoherent, but I knew what she was saying. God bless Kirsten though. “I’m kinda hungry, do you think daddy will let us get McDonald’s on the way home?” I looked back down at her as she grabbed my hand.

“McDonald’s?” She looked at me with wide eyes. Let me just put that into my child’s mind so she can ask Matthew. Because everyone knows it’s hard to say no to the Gubler child. No one knows better than Matthew. 

Unfortunately, our conversations ended there. Because as we turned the corner, Matthew’s voice could be heard. I looked up and saw him standing beside our trailer. The second Tallulah would hear his voice, she would be off and glued to him, instead of me. What a little daddy’s girl.

“Who the fuck is that?” Matthew half-shouted to the cameraman beside him. Even though we were a good distance away from him, I could still hear the words he was saying. I was grateful that Tallulah couldn’t hear him. We both know she’d repeat any word she knows she’s not allowed to say. And since he was standing beside a cameraman, I knew he was filming one of his Unauthorized Documentaries. “Who the fuck is that,” he pulled the cameraman and pointed him towards Tallulah and I. This man and his swearing around his 5-year-old. I swear. 

“Daddy! Daddy!” Tallulah shouted once grew closer to him. She let go of my hand before sprinting away from me and towards Matthew. When she was close enough to him, she jumped into the air and Matthew caught her. “Guess what, Daddy!” She shouted into his ear. Matthew laughed as he looked over at me. 

“What, Peanut?” He asked, swinging her around so she was on his back. Sort of like a monkey with its baby. It was Tallulah’s favorite way to be carried. “You got to hang out with Kirsten and Aj while mommy and I worked, right?” He looked over his shoulder at his daughter. She laughed as she rested her head on his shoulder.

 “Yeah!” she looked over at me as I got closer to them. I shuffled the few pictures before flipping them around to show him. “Auntie Kirsten and Auntie Aj let me color!” Tallulah, again, shouted into his ear. Matthew looked at the pictures in my hands and smiled.

“Woah! Peanut, these are awesome! Are you going to be an artist like dad?” He looked over his shoulder and at Tallulah. I smiled as I shuffled the pictures to show more of them.

“Yeeeah,” she smiled before pressing her face into his shoulder, like she was hiding. I smiled before stepping up to him. Matthew smiled before pecking my lips. 

“Little Miss and I are starving,” I grabbed his hand and swung it beside me.

“Starving?!” Matthew spoke loud so Tallulah could hear him. A little giggle came from her as she readjusted her position, “Well, we can’t have that! Where do you want to eat, Peanut?” 

“McDonalds!” 

“McDonalds?” Matthew looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. I smiled and looked down at the ground, “Let’s fucking go then!” Matthew half shouted as he jumped. Tallulah giggled as she hugged her arms tighter around his neck, almost nearly suffocating him. 

“Matthew,” I looked at him with the signature mom glare I adopted from my own mother. He looked over at me as he placed a hand on his daughter’s arms. He knew exactly what the glare was meant for. Swearing in front of our 5-year-old. Of course, we both knew that wouldn’t be the first or last time he’d swear in front of her.

“Daddy said fuck!” Tallulah shouted before laughing. Matthew looked at me with an apologetic look in his eye before swinging Tallulah off his back and on to his hip. I cocked my head as I placed my hands on my hips. “Fuck!” She repeated, shouting the word at Matthew. And, again, this wouldn’t be the last time she repeated a swear word.

“Now, Tallulah, that is a mommy and daddy word. You know you shouldn’t say that. Just because mommy or daddy does, doesn’t mean you can,” he looked at her. She pouted before nodded. Thankfully, she actually understood when to not say swear words, she also understood what “mommy and daddy” words were. “Got it?” Matthew looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. She looked up at him and stuck up her thumb.

“Got it!” She smiled before throwing her arms around his neck. Matthew laughed before picking her back up.

“Now, let’s go get some happy meals,” Matthew spoke as he pointed towards the direction of our car. I sighed deeply, walking the opposite direction towards our trailer, knowing they’ll both know we need to stop by there before we leave.

{***}{***}{***}

“She asleep?” I asked, glancing away from my script as Matthew entered the room. He pulled his shirt off as he went towards his closet.

“She’s always insistent on Rumple Buttercup, but almost never makes it to the end,” he laughed as he put his pajamas on. I smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Maybe it’s time you wrote a second one… Give Rumple Buttercup a brother or sister,” I laughed as I rubbed a hand on his back. He looked over his shoulder with a smile before getting comfortable in the bed beside me.

“You know… I’ve been thinking,” Matthew started as he moved closer to me. I looked up from my script and over at him with a raised eyebrow. Something was telling me he wasn’t going to continue talking about a second Rumple Buttercup book… “What if Tallulah had a little brother or sister,” he asked as he looked up at me with puppy dog eyes. I couldn’t help but burst out with laughter. I felt bad for my laughter, mostly because I knew he wanted a second child. But, we were running slim on time with that.

“She is too much of a daddy’s girl to share with anyone, including me, Matthew,” I closed my script as I looked up at him. He looked genuinely hurt with my laughter and comment. “Besides, I thought we were good with the one,” I gestured towards her room.

“But, what if we had another one,” he shrugged. I dropped my shoulders and sighed, but kept a smile on my lips nonetheless. “C’mon, two! That’s a perfect number!” “Two is a perfect number,” I swallowed roughly as I looked down at the bedding in front of me. I couldn’t help but allow the smile on my lips to grow. “And she wouldn’t be alone on family trips,” I mused as I glanced over at him. Matthew was looking at me with the excitement of a kid in a candy store. “You don’t think we should talk about this first? I mean, Matthew, you’re almost 40, I’m nearly 35...” I let out a small laugh.

“I think we just talked about it! And to me it sounds like we both want it,” he smiled before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed before moving away from him. 

“Okay, okay, we can try. But not right now. I’m exhausted. Maybe once Marianne is better and we don’t have to take Tallulah to set. Because that was so exhausting,” I ran a hand through his hair and smiled, “Fair?” 

“Fair,” he smiled before kissing me softly, “Love you,”

“I love you too,” 

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