#though I'm yet again of the mindset of why does this matter

[quibbs126]

So this has been a thing on my mind for a while now, but screw it, might as well post this now

So some months back, I was thinking about how when it comes to criticisms/complaints I have with Evoland 2, they're pretty much all narrative and had nothing to do with the gameplay. But then I did think of one gameplay topic to talk about, which is what I'm doing now

So, let's talk about your party members' Focus abilities and their usage in game

First off, we got Fina, who I think is implemented pretty well, the best of the three

I don't know what I was originally thinking with her power being changed from Nature to Wind fairly late, because her abilities are basically entirely wind based. Also, the Sylphs are named after a kind of wind spirit, but back on topic. Her powers get frequent usage, particularly since she's the first ally you get, and I think they can be quite versatile in how it's used, whether it's cutting something down, pushing something in a certain direction, or activating levers and mechanisms

I don't have much to complain about other than me thinking it's used less in the second half of the game, but that's true for all 3, since only half of the new areas really give you normal areas that you use your abilities to navigate

So now let's move on to Menos

I think he also has relatively good implementation, with you having to use his abilities semi frequently. Though it is limited in some aspects, because he's going to be the character that's always taken out of the party. I'd say he's probably absent for like a quarter of the game, and he doesn't have Velvet's excuse of coming in late. But back on to usage, I think he's done relatively well. His ability is all about strength, so if you ever find an obstacle that you think needs strength to overcome, you know to use him. Granted you're probably mostly going to be using him for boulders, but whatever, he's not necessarily lacking in stuff to do

I do, however, have one particular complaint. Namely that, if it were not for Iggrit being the Invocation of Fire, I would have never known Menos' ability is supposed to be fire based. I'm not gonna lie, I'd far more believe it was Earth. Like I said, most of what you do with him is break boulders and other rock things. Not to mention unlike the other two, his ability has no obvious ties to magic, and are instead based on his raw strength (even if they're probably Maana enchanced). And yet again, his ability is based on strength, something that is far more commonly associated with earth things, and not fire. Yeah, his skill animation has fire effects in the 3D version, but I can easily believe those are just effects to make it look cooler, rather than them being indicative of his actual element

I feel like the developers could have found some way to implement the fire aspect of his ability in some way. Like I don't know, have a section where you need to light candles/fires or something. Or easier, just have his element be Earth, since that's practically what it is in all but name. I genuinely don't know why he's Fire

But anyways, let's move on to our final party member, Velvet

First off, unlike the other two, Velvet doesn't really have any problem of type weirdness. Fina has a bunch of Nature themes, particularly as well as her Wind themes, and I've already gone on my tirade about Menos and his association with Earth instead of Fire. Heck the Magi Key fragments kind of tie into that, with the one with Fina importance being the Nature fragment, and Menos' main one being the Earth fragment while he's got a bit of special importance in the Fire fragment section. Meanwhile, Velvet seems pretty consistently just Ice themed

But her biggest problem to me is that she's definitely the least implemented of the allies and their abilities. In my experience, almost all of what you'll be needing to use Velvet's ice powers for is to freeze water to move across it. And most of that time, it's for something like a chest, which are ultimately optional. And in addition to that, her main ability is pretty much top down only, meaning you won't be using her in the side scrolling areas. I'll pretty much only use her if I need to get a monster diagonally, and I don't really use abilities to deal with monsters or bosses all that much (unless it's the shooter levels, then I go like no tomorrow). I get her freezing ability would probably be useful against enemies, since it makes them briefly unable to attack and lowers their defense, but I don't ever think to use her because I almost never have a reason to other than collecting

You're also really only going to use her in the second half of the game, which I've already established has less normal areas

I'm gonna guess the reason why is that it's because her ability is far less versatile. Wind can be applicable in a lot of ways, like cutting and pushing. Strength also has a lot of different uses in multiple environments. Freezing however, is very specific and is gonna need specific circumstances to work. So I guess the solution here would have just been to make her ability something different. But it seems like Velvet was always supposed to be Ice, so I don't know what you'd change it to. And also it seems like the devs wanted a green/red/blue sort of color scheme with the allies and their abilities, so their options would have been limited. Granted you could still do Water if you had to, which probably could have been more versatile

Or I don't know, maybe make more things for Ice to do? Like say there's metal obstacles that Menos can't break, at least not on his own. But Velvet can freeze the metal, making it weaker and susceptible for you to break it with your sword. Or cut out the middle man and the ice just makes the metal go away all by itself. But granted, metal obstacles like that may be hard to plausibly come by, and to establish this you'd probably need Menos there when first explaining Velvet's freeze ability, which couldn't happen for plot reasons

To be honest I think Velvet's the most undercooked member of the group, both in terms of mechanics and narrative. But that's a topic for another day and more articulation on what I mean in detail

I'm debating talking about our final secret ability, but I don't feel like tagging spoilers, so. But to give a general thesis, I think it sounds cool but is entirely useless, considering you only get it at the final boss and you do not need it to beat them. I only used it like once to see what it does and then completely forgot it existed. But I guess it's just supposed to be a cool final thing, so I guess it has leeway

I also have more to say on the Level 3 abilities and the Invocation Guardians, but that's probably another topic for another day and post, so let's leave it here

Honestly I'm just left wanting more levels where there's more implementation of the abilities

Though I will say, because I forgot to mention elsewhere, I think the Sylph Forest has the best implementation of them. All three are useful (even if Fina is slightly more but that's fine since this is kind of her chapter), and Velvet and Menos at least get more unique implementation. Menos gets to push down mushrooms blocking our way, needing to push different colors for different paths, and I admit now that he still gets the short end of the stick here, but he gets something. And Velvet's freeze ability is actually useful here as you need to freeze the Tomatils to avoid the Sadistas. Which is cool, she gets to do something other than freeze water (even if she still does that here). Maybe if there were more Sylph Forest like places, we could have had better implementation. But also I found the Sylph Forest really confusing and I don't like all the time warping puzzles, so hmm

[goldensunset]

Hey. Pspsps.

I don't 100% know who your favorite characters are.

If I asked you to pick one and go ham telling me about them, would you?

*grabs you* ok today i’m gonna change it up and talk about a pair of characters i don’t usually talk about

loooong story short (i'll dm you the story if you want or something) roxas and xion were the reason i got into the kh franchise. their story and their unique indescribable connection to our wonderful protagonist singlehandedly took me from the mindset of 'haha kh is a dumb wacky disney fanfiction' to 'this is genuinely a stunning and heartwrenching piece of media full of so much honest and serious emotion and love and i'm insane now'

here's a boy who was never meant to exist, a mistake, someone who doesn't even possess the full capability to experience emotions, someone who's just the inferior resentful shadow of another who needs to die so that the precious original can come back. but he wasn't gonna take that lying down he fought tooth and nail until the bitter end against his fate and defiantly proclaimed that he was human and he was himself and yet it was all in vain. but it still mattered. it mattered to us and it mattered to those who knew him. the love was there even if it couldn't save him it still mattered.

meanwhile, here's a girl who's just a patchwork mess of pieces of other people. a clone of both sora and roxas, meant as a backup vessel for xehanort, wielding what used to be riku's key, having accidentally absorbed select memories of kairi from the magic naminé wove. it's a miracle she exists at all. does she exist at all? she was an 'it', an empty thing designed to mimic the fighting capabilities of another, who gradually started absorbing that other's memories of some girl until it subconsciously tricked itself into thinking it was that girl. suddenly 'it' became 'she.' but she had her own life experiences and therefore was not that girl but someone new entirely. what exactly did her mind look like? what did it feel like to be her? her mind was just a fragment of sora's mind and she didn't even know who he was. the insane headaches and crises that came free with her very existence drove her to seek answers and eventually made her realize she shouldn't even be alive.

but she was so brave. she was so so brave and resolute and made the firm decision to sacrifice herself for the greater good even though she should've never had to. it was the only agency she had and she took hold of it. she knew there was never any hope for her but she at least wanted something good to come out of her demise. roxas didn't really have that same agency even though he seems more proactive as a character at first glance. roxas fought and fought but was constantly being dragged here and there by the narrative up until the end. he fought his fate and xion accepted hers and they both met the same tragic end.

in kh2fm we saw what was left of roxas, angrily fighting back inside of sora. he was full of hate and anger and who can blame him? he should've won. he was stronger. almost. but victory eluded him once more. it was all for nothing and roxas faded again and sora was so confused and full of sadness he didn't even understand.

then in ddd we again saw roxas within sora's mindscape, but that time he was so so different. that time he was calm and smiling and gentle. roxas had surrendered. but sora told him what we'd all been wanting to tell him- he was his own person and deserved to be treated as such. to which roxas said like the best line in the series: 'sora, see? that's why it has to be you.'

roxas wanted things his way, he wanted his own life, he was bitter and sick of people telling him he had to make sacrifices for others. roxas would've gotten rid of others for his own sake. meanwhile sora had always been intensely loving and selfless. sora was always reaching out to people, seeing the light and humanity in them, caring about them. i'm not saying roxas was bad for wanting to live or that sora's insane constant self-sacrificial behavior isn't deeply worrying but the point here is: sora was the hero roxas wasn't.

roxas recognized this. that's why it had to be sora. if it was the other way around, roxas wouldn't have had the strength to be the person sora was. he would've never surrendered on his own. he had to be forced to surrender and then spend time within sora's heart to begin to understand him and to begin to love him.

roxas resented sora because roxas had to be sacrificed in his name. he didn't want to die to save someone he didn't even know who was apparently his real self and the only person who mattered. roxas was sick of hearing about him. but then once roxas met him he couldn't help but love him too. both because sora is just that easy to love, and because something in roxas resonated with- well, his other. that was him and that wasn't him and that was who he used to be and that was who he would be and they each held a piece of each other within them and even though they were their own people they would obviously be forever linked.

the bond that was created between sora and roxas transcends anything i really even have the language to say. or anyone who speaks this language to say. or possibly anyone in existence. that's self love and love of another in one. they're part of each other. i'm really normal about it

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

I have really mixed feelings about the Wyliza arc in Re-Animated.

On the one hand, I think it does some genuinely good character work. Exploring their relationship has also led to some really good exploration of them as individuals. We get to see sides of both of them that just weren't really present in the movies outside of like, a handful of scenes, and I think that's pretty neat. I also like that it's them having relationship problems instead of any of the couples that got established in the first movie. I said this in one of my hopes and dreams posts back before the show came out, but I was genuinely kinda worried there would be some weird drama between Zed and Addison or, more likely, Bree and Bonzo that just wouldn't make sense because of how long both couples have been together. So I think that, if they main reason they decided to include the Wyliza arc is so they could have a recurring relationship drama plotline, they at least chose a decent couple to do it with.

On the OTHER HAND, though... Wyliza is so fucking bland I'm sorry. They're interesting on their own, and they have some cute moments, like the scene where Eliza climbs into the dumpster with Wyatt at the end of A Wyatt Place, but they just don't have enough chemistry to justify keeping them together. This isn't even coming from the perspective of someone who headcannons Eliza as a lesbian, I just don't think she has a lot of chemistry with Wyatt. They both genuinely have more chemistry with Addison then they do with eachother. I also just really don't like the mindset people have regarding relationships in fiction... not every single fucking character needs to be paired off with someone oh my GOD- I get that shipping is fun, everyone loves a good ship. The problem is that people treat a character getting into a relationship as the ultimate happy ending. Wyatt and Eliza don't have enough chemistry to justify keeping them together and the only reason they got paired up in the first place is because DCOMs in particular fucking *love* pairing off every single side character so they can have the illusion of a happy ending no matter how little focus their arc actually got. I think a good way to end the Wyliza arc would be to have them realize that they either aren't ready for a relationship yet, or just aren't the best for eachother, and then move on. It would be a good way to wrap up the arc while also sending a good message about relationships! But they aren't gonna do that. Because this is Disney Channel, and appearently nobody is happy unless they're dating somebody in the Disney Channel universe. There's also the fact that the writers are kind of pushing the only established queer couple to the side in favor of focusing on the blandest straight passing couple in the franchise, but tbh I think that's more the censor's fault then it is the writers of the show and I might make another incoherent, conspiratorial rant post about why I think that is later Idk.

Just... yeah. Overall very mixed feelings. Again, I LIKE the character exploration aspects! I think Wyliza episodes usually end up being pretty good character studies, and the way the 2 of them bounce off of each other does help facilitate some genuinely good character growth. I just don't like that they seemingly aren't going to STAY broken up, I guess.

[dballzposting]

Was thinking again about the bizarre scenario that this post ended with in which Trunks has an ex-girlfriend drop a baby at his doorstep and Goten steps in to help him deal with this. Well I have more to say abt it .....

I think a lot these days about the nature of health and humanity so that's why I shoehorn dragon ball characters into such trying yet domestic situations. Sorry

READ ON TO DISCOVER TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS OF SON GOTEN & TRUNKS BRIEFS NAVIGATING THIS FUCKED UP SITUATION....TOGETHER!!!!

Well first of all the way that the infant's mother does not ask for money or resources, even though Trunks is rich, is sort of what dictates Trunks and Goten's decisions about this. Trunks's first impulse is to Give It Back or Give It Away but Goten is first and foremost stricken by how this mother only wanted to abdicate the responsibility altogether, and all privileges therein. It honestly fucks with his head a bit.

I don't know if this will make sense and I'm just spit-balling here but: Goten was raised by Chichi who freely expresses (and weaponizes..) her strong emotions, and most of her emotions have something to do with the importance of family and motherhood to her. And since she is This Way, Goten grew up feeling that these sorts of matters are to be revered or honored or most astutely FEARED, becasue his mother had a poor tolerance for her feelings and behaved as if they were All So Dire, and so that's the impression that Goten got.

Because of the other people in his life and the prevailing mindsets and his own experiences and training, Goten has minimal experience with being emotionally-stunted or fearful of his own feelings; but that initial impression of DIRENESS that he got from his mother is not wholly removed from him, and it has been repurposed into "Oh, it's just the emotions around motherhood that are dire like that." Because those are the emotions that he has not had himself and so has had no re-contextualizing experience with to teach him that they are tolerable like the rest of life.

He knows by now that his mother is batshit crazy but also, when he turns to the world, he does receive the same input that "actually motherhood and child-rearing are very important and delicate things" so he just carries on like "Okay, so it really must be that dire to experience. Okay."

His perception isn't ... WRONG, and a respect for motherhood is a respect for humanity, but his understanding does involve that core of emotional violence from his mother, and that part isn't necessarily universal or beneficial. But like honestly that can be ironed out. He's honestly fine to keep it, even. Like it's close enough

So: When Trunks calls Goten in an anxious fit and says around the sounds of a baby crying that SOMEBODY HAS DROPPED AN INFANT ON THE DOORSTEP OF HIS PERSONAL HOME-AWAY-FROM-HOME IN THE METRO-WEST-SUBURBIA-INTERSECTION and that THE DAMN THING HAS HIS EYES and he DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO, well... OBVIOUSLY Goten heads over there as fast as the wind. And as they try to discuss What To Do, Goten is really disturbed that ... a mother could do this?

....He didn't know that that was within the range of options for a mother.

Trunks doesn't understand it either, but moreso from the perspective of "I am BUSY and have 0 experience with CHILDREN so WHY would ANYONE think to DO THIS TO ME..?"

There is a lot to unravel here from Goten's POV: Trunks, why weren't you more careful? Trunks, weren't you also a bastard child? Trunks, aren't you rich, is this really a problem? Trunks, she's not even asking for child support money, doesn't that tell you something about the practical likelihood of this mother being in this child's life? I can't understand how a mother could do this. I cannot fathom the pain she is in, should I be crying about it on her behalf? I don't know if she knows her limitations and is being responsible, or if she is immature and we should be angry with her. Trunks, can't you see that this isn't necessarily about blame or fault, but about the morbidly-misplaced infant who is currently undergoing more emotional pain than any infant should?

I think of Goten as being really emotionally intelligent becasue of his lifestyle and becasue of his nature and becasue Thats What I Want To See And Write About Right Now Just Personally .... So he has the wisdom to know that all of his vexation is just GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT. He has the grace to allow himself however long it will take to subtly work out the perplexment and inner knots. He doesn't need to know everything right now. Becasue right now he has a fucking job to do.

JOB #1: HOSE DOWN TRUNKS

Goten is a real one and he and Trunks are Ride or Die TO THE MAX. Goten hears the slightest edge of nerves in Trunks's voice and he is THERE. He doesn't even think about it. He just assumes the responsibility of compassion becasue that's just what they do for each other. Goten is a very good friend

Trunks is obviously freaking out hardcore, and even though Goten is 100% ready to make this his own problem too, he still allows himself the courtesy of being removed enough to Keep His Head On Straight. He can offer the clarity of an outside perspective and the support of compassion which is exactly why Trunks called him first before calling anyone else. Goten breaks it down pretty simply.

The mother has behaved extremely in order to remove herself from the picture; she is no longer a player. You cannot rely or fallback on her. Forget about her.

You have money and resources, so stop panicking.

You can't keep this a secret from your family forever, but if you need some time, you have enough room and food and money here to get by alright without them for a short while; it's just the issue of needing a caretaker.

We don't need to involve a third party right this second, I'm here and available to help sort this out while we settle into the situation and figure out a best course of action.

This is your problem but don't think of it that way; it's much more a problem for the baby than it is for you. This is life and death for it. You and I can both respect the severity of that.

You can give it away if you want but you know that that won't last long, at some point this child will need to know the context for its Saiyan blood.

You're my best friend and I have no other obligations in my life right now; if you can't miss work then I will stay here and help figure this out. This is your child, and whether or not that matters to you is ultimately up to you, but I think that family matters, and I think that the needs of this random infant is bigger than whatever we have going on in our lives. I know that we can spare the few weeks or months it will take for us to set up a functioning game plan.

So they agree to forget about the mother as a player and potential helper; to avoid involving Trunks's family yet (Trunks's wish); and that even though this is so sudden and they are so unprepared, whatever they feel about it has to go on the back-burner for now because the needs of the situation persists no matter how they feel about it.

JOB #2: DEAL WITH THE BABY?

It would be very wise to involve an experienced caretaker right now. Even just calling up Videl and Gohan would be helpful.

Goten wants to do that, but he also doesn't want to argue with Trunks about it right now. Necessity calls, and the first few days are Goten handling the baby and telling Trunks to Calm Down and Get Some Rest and Go To Work and Act Natural and Clear Your Head and We Can Regroup In A Few Days. Ultimately if Trunks continues to feel violated then this may blow up further, so Goten respects his wishes for secrecy IN THE MEANTIME. He is fully planning on revisiting that later, because, NECESSITY CALLS, and what do THESE TWO KNUCKLEHEADS know about dealing with babies?

Well, Goten was a well-loved baby himself, and is necessarily intimate with his own inner sensations of vitality by virtue of his warrior status, and so he takes to the task intuitively, honestly. He quickly busies himself with cultivating a sense of safety and comfort for the baby, he pays very close attention to its feelings and internal states, he projects a presence of serenity and grace ...

This soothes Trunks, too, who actually listens when after the first hectic day Goten tells him to "go get some rest."

Trunks takes the opportunity to leave and sleep readily - this is all just so fucked to him. Goten is able to remain peaceful even while trying to calm a baby who is Not At All Accepting The Efforts right now, and the sight disturbed Trunks. That's his best friend who used to play in dumpsters with him. What is he doing being a better parent to Trunks's child than Trunks is? This shouldn't be happening to either of them. This isn't who they are. This is so fucked.

So he sleeps it off and goes to work and he comes home and Goten has in that time turned the house into the friendliest space he could cobblefuck/conjure. He has acquired milk formula and pacifiers, a crib, diapers, anything he could remember seeing around when Pan was born. He is wearing an apron and has started dinner but is currently sitting down and holding the baby and trying to soothe it, becasue all day he has been trying to soothe it, because it has been separated from its mother and it has been refusing to eat, and Goten has now committed to being a constant presence of warmth and serenity so that eventually the baby will accept his help. Goten "knows nothing about babies" supposedly but he knows VERY MUCH about what it feels like to be a human/Saiyan, and to be so small and dependent, so he is applying all the wisdom and discipline he's learned over his life.

He sees all the missteps and faults and voids of knowledge, but Trunks sees behavior that is far better than what he was putting out there initially. Goten is sympathetic but remaining unaffected by the violent anxiety that the baby is expressing, because he knows that if he gets worried and tense, then he will no longer be a safe container for the baby's pain like he is trying to be. He knows that this is very difficult for it, and he knows that this wound may leave an emotional scar, and he knows that it won't accept Goten as a caretaker until it's ready to, and in the meantime Goten is just trying to prove himself and rock the baby in his arms to facilitate what he hopes is a progression toward a feeling of safety and the prospect of regulation.

He is the only fratboy in the entire universe who could try to pull this off because he is one of the better warriors in the universe, and physical training and discipline IS emotional training because all the organism is one being. Also he is very respectful of the human condition and of motherhood in general, so it was never a question of IF he could commit himself to the task, but of HOW SOON he can move in.

And Trunks feels awful for thrusting this problem upon his BFF like this but he also feels a myriad of other things like Fear and Stress and Shame and Violation and an indecision around whether or not to Accept & Bond with this child and Indecision about Everything and ultimately an Exhaustion, so he just. Lets Goten's calm demeanor make everything okay.

Oooookay. So.

This just sort of goes on like this for a short while.

Goten becomes completely invested in his new responsibility. It's superficially comical; a fratboy with the freshest fade and biggest muscles, wearing an apron and feeding a baby from a bottle. The want to call Gohan or Videl or Chichi or Bulma or any qualified caretaker has gone unattended. the given reason is that, well, maybe it's not time to yet. The real reason is a mix of apprehension, a desire for quiet, and the good old classic Saiyan impulse of "Hey, wait, maybe I could do this myself, just gimme a minute - let me self-improve, hold on, I think I'm learning, I almost got it, just give me a minute." It seems irresponsible, but Goten is at the point where he really feels like involving more adults into the baby's life may just confuse and stress it, and it's not like there is anybody else who could magically heal the severed bond that the baby had with its mother.

Trunks oscillates as he processes: he is sometimes relieved to have Goten, sometimes disgusted, sometimes ready to call in reinforcements, sometimes ready to jump ship entirely. He sometimes makes dinner and sometimes watches Goten do it with a baby on his hip. Sometimes Trunks never comes home and stays at Capsule Corp for a night or two. He goes to work every day and takes showers that never feel long enough. Sometimes he escapes to meditate or train alone, but the clarity and peace is disturbed when he comes home to a distraught baby who never giggles and who has his eyes.

Trunks is sometimes mature about this and sometimes not. At once when he would impetuously demand to at least hold his child ("if this is SUCH a big deal and I HAVE to keep it, after all-"), Goten would respond simply and assertively with "OUR baby."

Now, though, a few long months in, when Trunks extends the effort of patience and grace of tolerance to hold his baby, Goten genuinely hesitates. He looks fretful and doesn't budge. Trunks thought that he had been a bit more respectful in his request this time - after all, it was a request, not a demand - but he senses from Goten's response that maybe he was still too immature, still unrealistic about what he could handle and what he could not. But, need this be a big deal, I mean - it's his, isn't it? Is it a big fucking deal for him to just HOLD it? What is he missing, here?

when Goten speaks, it's like how one whispers softly in a library, and Trunks feels slighted at being indirectly asked to watch his volume in his own home. He feels like he's being shamed, and he rejects this, becasue - is this REALLY a big deal, or is Goten just getting too deep into this and being dramatic?

But Goten tells him that hey, this baby is REALLY sensitive. Sure, it eats now, and clings to Goten like a baby should, but it seems to constantly rely on that presence, and it is easily disquieted, and it takes a lot of rocking to put it to sleep. Goten feels like he's put a lot of work in, and that the baby has come a long way to learn to seek out Goten's face and arms for comfort, but it is not yet wholly trusting, and it cries more than it smiles.

So Trunks sits on the couch next to him and tries to mirror the peacefulness that Goten is always putting out, but he is anxious inside, and that comes through. Goten carefully moves to pass the baby over to Trunks, and he moves slowly, and he tells the baby what's going on in a pleasant tone, and the baby furrows its brow, and Trunks recognizes it as an expression of his own, and he tries to gently take the baby into his arms, and his guts tighten when he hears Goten tell the baby "this is your father," and Trunks lets the baby look at him, and he tries to hold it right and quell the trembling of his nerves, and he gently rocks it at Goten's prompting. And the baby looks confused and sort of upset. And then really upset. And then it turns to look for Goten and reach out to him. And Goten is always careful to be responsive to this baby and so he knew that it was upset to go into the arms of the clearly-stressed-out-and-therefore-unsafe Trunks, and he knew to standby and be ready to take it back at any second. And this he does so. And Trunks stands up and leaves the house. Just fully walks out the front door

Trunks doesn't think of it in this way, but he is living what his father had lived through: he has a bastard child, but is not ready to become a father and pass the torch yet; he is not done with himself, with his arch, with his life.

Trunks is working a job he hates and has not yet found what he should be doing instead. He is not in love with machines like his mother is, and he is not perfectly suited for endless battle like his father is. He hasn't fallen into swords as his calling yet so he has no inkling of ever running a sword-training dojo - he just really has no idea what to do. He's always liked Having Fun and Chilling Out and Fucking Around and he's done quite a lot of that. In fact he's done that his whole life. A lot of which has been with Goten. Now Goten is acting as a mother to Trunks's bastard child becasue Trunks isn't good enough to take care of his own fucking problem. He's too immature or selfish, he's not serious enough, he's too cold even - he has no girlfriend or wife, he has no instinct to settle, he hasn't a familial bone in his body.

He knows how to meet bare minimum, he knows how to exist in shadows - he knows how to play the role of a son but cannot marry that with his own individuality, he cannot excel in his parents' paths nor follow his own, he cannot be someone his parents can be proud of. His sister is much more fit to do all that and more - Trunks can't decide if he feels hindered by the ceiling of his upbringing and parents' expectations, or inflamed by it to grow. His sister seems to be doing great though, and she is fierce and competent, and she never once asked Trunks's help for anything past the age of 6.

Trunks hasn't found himself yet. How could he be responsible for another? Not to mention - he has no experience with being needed.

Eventually he returns to tell Goten all of this. The baby has been put to bed and Goten is cleaning the kitchen, and Trunks walks in and tells him that he is so sorry for making this Goten's problem. He understands that they're ride or die but Trunks can recognize that he has not been bringing an equal amount to the table, even though it was his problem to start. He feels like pure shit about it. And he's sorry for keeping his emotional distance. He feels resentful for that fucking baby and he's sorry for not being able to reconcile with and move past that. And he's sorry for feeling violated by a situation that he himself wrought and that he should be able to HANDLE becasue he is an ADULT. He's angry at himself for still feeling like a lost child on some level, an for being so irresponsible as to have not yet resolved that.

He can see that this is more important than all that, and he is sorry for his incompetence regarding.

And he tells Goten that he is a WAY better parent than Trunks could EVER be - and, y'know, he's GRATEFUL for that, perhaps even feels a strange love for Goten for being there to raise his child, and that weirds him out, but anyway - y'know ... He knows that this can't be true, but he'd rather that it just be Goten's child instead. And Trunks is ride or die and would totally help him out any way he could, but also, yknow, when Goten's family or love interests step in to help, Trunks would, yknow, take his leave. And be grateful for that. Becasue he's no good at this. And he doesn't want the responsibility. And he can't tell if that's selfish or not.

........Aaaaand Goten. Lets him say all of that. Dries his hands. And then he sharpens his gaze. And just says exactly what he means and what needs to be said:

"I'm not a mother, I'm a 23 year old man who is unemployed and unmarried. 75% of the contacts on my phone are party-chicks and dude-friends. Three months ago I was doing keg stand enemas, and now I'm a broodmare. I'm nurturing a child that is not even mine. My body is rock-solid with hella muscles and I'm here trying to mimic the soft warmth of a mother. What I am is a guy who is doing his best - and you can be, too."

That really just cuts through the bullshit. He could also tell Trunks that he is good enough and that he needs to be kinder to himself because "we really don't have the time for you to be all locked-up and self-absorbed, like, if you could get going on the process of self-compassion then that would be great because we really need a second emotionally-available person right now..!"

It comes out now (or a little later when Trunks is willing to listen) thaaaaat ......... Hey! This has been EXHAUSTING for Goten!!

Not even just for the baby, but Goten has had to be calm and capable and soothing for TRUNKS, too!

A little is fine, but this has been going on for a few MONTHS now, you know!?!

And, Oh, the STRESS. Goten knows that if he worries too much then he will end up sending mixed signals to the baby, so he's had to make peace with the prospect that he could "fail" or that essentially the baby could never learn security or comfort. So Goten has accepted the situation as it is; there is an infant in distress, it is not his, it is his best friend's, Goten will do what he can to make sure it survives, he will do what he can to heal its heart, but it is undergoing quite the ordeal and Goten is untrained in such matters SO; this is reality and whatever happens happens.

But, also, Goten has necessarily BONDED with this baby, and he can follow its feelings closely, and- OH, he really does STRESS becasue he DOESN'T KNOW if he's actually HELPING OR NOT? Sometimes he feels like the baby is receiving comfort more readily than before, sometimes he feels like it is starting to withstand the stress of daily living without needing constant comfort, sometimes he can leave the room and return and the baby has not yet started crying in that time, sometimes the baby seeks him out in a way that does not feel so hopeless or needy, sometimes it cries in his arms in a way that feels purifying - but other times it goes cold on him when he misses signals, sometimes it rejects him, sometimes it won't eat, sometimes it becomes desperate and needy and will not be soothed, sometimes Goten starts to feel desperate and hopeless himself!

He wants to be there for the baby, to be a reliable regulator, but how can he when the baby has endured rejection and is now of the reflex to sometimes reject those that care for it?

I do think that there is a day where it starts to feel okay. The baby smiles and giggles and trusts that when Goten leaves the room he will be back soon. Goten starts to feel like it's not the end of the world when sometimes things happen that have the baby feeling ignored or violated, and that in turn invokes a phase of coldness and rejection by the baby - becasue Goten knows to just be patient and to tolerate it alongside the baby, and the baby will live through it. That's all Goten can do. Just continue modeling that it's alright, feelings are forgivable, his love is unconditional, and that life is tolerable.

But even beyond the baby: this situation has given Goten a LOT to stew on and process. His ideas about family and motherhood are being tested, and his best friendship is being twisted and tried. This is a lot for Goten to handle, but they have decided to not tell their families yet, and Goten cannot rely on his BFF for the emotional support - so he has been isolated in this. All he can do is soothe and rock the baby in silence and let the rocking motion soothe him as well. All he can do is remain calm and let things process in the back of his mind in their due time. All he can do is keep breathing and moving mindfully. All he can do is keep moving forward.

He has kept his DAMN MOUTH SHUT this whole time out of consideration for Trunks and a desire to keep the atmosphere calm and balanced. But, yknow, now that Trunks is opening up to him about his stress - Goten will go on ahead and share his.

Trunks says that he feels bad for making this Goten's problem, and to that, Goten has two insights:

1.) Stop calling it a problem! There are no problems, no mistakes, no failures; just what you do and don't and how you feel about it. Shifting around blame and derisive declarations unto the abstract concept of the "situation" e.g. THE PRESENT REALITY removes yourself from your much-needed presence and involvement. It takes away what you can DO about it, now.

2.) Okay Well if you feel bad for making this my problem then maybe you should consider returning all the hugs and kissies and pets I've given you and all the DINNERS I've cooked for you. Maybe *I* need to be soothed and rocked and kissed and pet in order to deal with what I'M going through. I can't keep being a mother to YOU AND your child. It's not MY FAULT that I wasn't there to make you use a CONDOM, Trunks!! I'M SORRY THAT YOU DIDN'T LEARN FROM THE CAUTIONARY TALE OF YOUR OWN CONCEPTION, TRUNKS!!!

Now that we're a few months in, it's time to say that - this really isn't what either of them ever meant to ask out of the other. They have always been each other's go-to for senseless, reckless, and wild thrills. They've given each other intellectual stimulation and emotional mediation, sure, but their default state is HEY DUDE CHECK OUT HOW HARD I CAN PEE. This whole situation wasn't necessarily in the cards for them. This isn't how they love each other!

But, they can both come to accept that This Is Just How It Is. I think that they can both be strong enough to adapt.

And, with this out of the way, they can start working more as a team. Turns out this shit doesn't HAVE to be miserable. Turns out that when you're honest, your vitality and excitement for life returns. Trunks becomes more involved with his child. They involve their family members and receive help and share joys. Goten is freed up to be able to connect with friends and ladyfriends again, and Trunks becomes more realistic about what he wants out of his life.

It's fine. Not a big deal.

End post.

Everybody stay graceful and lovely <3 Thank you for reading my post

[mdhwrites]

When it comes to Amphibia's finale, the Guardian tends to be rather divisive, with takes ranging from 'they're cool' to 'this is the true villain of the story.'

I chalk the division down to the fact that a lot of questions are raised when the Guardian is introduced, and most of them aren't answered. The most glaring is the question as to why the Guardian would call itself a 'Guardian,' yet not interfere when Andrias' ancestors used the stones for evil.

Now, the Guardian does say it's only a watcher and observer, but that...is blatantly not true, given the Guardian created the stones, revived Anne (sort of), and gave her shards home. That's three times the Guardian intervened, so it's arguably not a watcher, but a passive influencer who will only step in if it benefits their search for a successor.

And if they really could put a stop to the Core...it takes a special kind of egomania and lack of self-awareness to create items of ultimate power, refuse to stop them from being used for evil, then say 'Those mortals, huh? Not very responsible with their power.' Like, and you're much better? But again, that's only fair if the Guardian could intervene, and the show doesn't make it clear whether the Guardian has limits to their power (the fact that they created a copy of Anne rather than simply revive her from death implies the latter is something they can't do).

So why do you think the Guardian couldn't/wouldn't stop the stones from being misused during their centuries-spanning search for an heir? Because I'm not getting an answer from Matt Braly anytime soon.

*bops you on the head for that last sentence* You shouldn't be hoping for the creator to tell you how to feel. Form your own opinions.

Anyways, besides that, something these recent Amphibia asks make me hum is whether or not Amphibia is almost too good in our current media landscape. I know that sounds like an asshole response but you have to understand that very few works feel like they're made with this much intent, let alone this much intent while appearing to be a normal, approachable piece of genre fiction. As such, a lot of elements get used almost so well as to either throw people or make them want more. Sasha is so well written after all that people want quite literally any excuse for more of her. Marcy is made so relatable in her crime that no one wants to seem to admit that it was still the wrong thing to do.

And the Guardian is a perfectly bored god when we're so used to bad ones.

That really is it. I praise The Book of Life for having good God depictions as well because of the length of their machinations. How little mortals will matter to them. How quaint we are. Those ones still see us as entertaining though and making their job fulfilling, even if we at times become chess pieces on the grand board we play.

The Guardian is what you get when a god no longer sees us as entertaining. It was bored. So in its boredom, something that should be INCREDIBLY difficult with how many universes it theoretically protects, you know, INFINITE, it got an idea. A shake up only it could introduce while also finally giving it an out by being a test as well.

It says as much. "I was curious what mortals would do with infinite power and only you got it right." He sounds frustrated. Annoyed. Tired. He has the voice of a child not because of his age but because age has worn him down into nothing more than a child looking for an excuse to do something other than his chores.

And with understanding that mindset... Why would it have intervened? To interrupt the game means admitting it doesn't work and so having to come up with something new. It also means going back to being bored. Going back to having no successor and having no way to find one. And on the theoretically infinite cosmic scale... What does a few worlds being damaged mean to him? Because he looks over entire UNIVERSES. There is Space in Amphibia. They have a moon. That also means they theoretically have an entire galaxy, star system, etc. and that is ONE. UNIVERSE.

It is a scale we cannot comprehend... And that bored the Guardian. That made it NEED to retire. Because don't get me wrong: The Guardian fucked up. It made a half baked experiment and even his reward for it failed to manifest. Someone who would use the stones correctly would inherently not desire ultimate power. It's questionable if Anne will want it even when she dies.

However, calling The Guardian the real villain of the story is like calling the weapon that killed someone the real murderer, even if the person who did the crime was willing to kill with their bare hands. The Guardian wanted to see what people did with ultimate power. Some will say "Absolute power corrupts absolutely" but I like to believe more that "Absolutely power REVEALS absolutely." After all, the Guardian made a mistake but for a test of morality and responsibility for a scale as large as his job... He actually devised a really good test.

If you cannot handle a shred of his power correctly... What do you do with ALL OF IT? How quickly will YOU get bored? How much bigger will your fuck up for personal satisfaction be than a couple dozen worlds? But all he did, all he ever did, was present the option.

Like ALWAYS with Amphibia... It is the character's choice. The Core decided to hurt others. Andrias decided to follow the Core's dream to chase a time lost to him the second Lief took the box. Aldritch only got that utopian world that Andrias misses by abuse of others, using the box as the tool for that abuse and then easily stratifying his subjects because he hadn't seen people as people for a long while now.

And of course, Anne CHOSE to give her life to be the guardian of Amphibia before ever even considering the sorts of acts that any of the villains do. Hence why she earns being given a chance to be the guardian. But also, everything else in this blog is why someone who could finally shake things up like Anne and do what the Guardian was starting to consider impossible is given another blink in its lifetime to hone themselves just a little more.

Because none of these events actually mattered on the scale that a GOD like this views things. They don't function like regular characters but we're a lot better trained to treat characters as, well, based on people. Based on motivations and scale that we can understand. On morality that sees even a single life as wrong, not requiring BILLIONS for you to even register.

It's actually what makes the Guardian feel more like a critique of a Christian God than the Titan literally ever could. He is an absentee figure who set everything in motion. Who claims moral superiority while letting the world burn. People question their faith in the face of tragedy for a reason because if God is good, how can he allow such abhorrently wrong things to happen? And hence why the response of "God works in mysterious ways," is used to justify it. To make it feel like rather than a fuck up on his part, a miscalculation he doesn't bother to fix, that it is all part of his machinations.

The Guardian instead goes "WHOOPS! Not doing that again! Woo boy, if I had a boss, I'd definitely be getting a stern talking to during this MILLENIA'S performance review." He is almost disturbingly honest in his talk with Anne like that. To admit that despite being all powerful, that doesn't mean he's going to always make the right choice. Which, you know, if kind of on brand for Amphibia. Anne didn't always make the right choice. Andrias almost never made the right choice. Marcy made all the right choices except for her first one. Sasha thought she was making the right choices. Hop Pop when he ends up accidentally mind controlling people thinks he's making a harmless choice that won't have consequences.

Because like everyone in Amphibia, the Guardian is also terrifyingly human. But do you know what proves why HE'S the Guardian and almost no one else in the story?

He never took those choices away from everyone. They were allowed to make their mistakes. He did not admonish, he did not punish. He did judge but in that judgement, allowed to be themselves and reveal who they were. He only took the power away when someone finally proved the base hypothesis possible. That someone might EVER choose the morally right thing with the stones and put everyone else, good, bad, neutral, etc. before them and use them to stop annihilation, not for greed and self interest.

To call him the true villain of Amphibia feels like missing the point because of that. Because the Guardian is someone who screwed up but is still morally better than almost any of the villains. If the villains didn't like their job after all, they'd FORCE someone else to do it. They wouldn't have listened to Anne when she said no. They wouldn't decide to try in another couple decades for a second interview and hope that goes well. They would have simply made the choice for her because they no longer wanted this and wouldn't care about her free will. Anne isn't under contract to take it when she dies after all. She'll just wake up with the Guardian then... That's probably it. The Guardian is left bored and having to figure out a new way to find a successor, but with a few more lessons on how to do it right this time.

There is a reason I call the ending of Amphibia the PERFECT ending for this story. Not that it is perfect, the last episode's pacing is a bit wonky, but that an altered version of it would still include every element and plot beat that this finale did. And that includes the Guardian. I will leave the choice up to you for if you agree or not.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[somerandomcryptid]

More Dream&Cryptid in smp interaction (this is actually just a later part of the bit of conversation I posted yesterday)

they are very healthy and normal and Dream is not a paranoid possessive mess, nope, definitely not

He has no problems with Cryptid having other friend :), not at all

Ok now that I'm done being sarcastic I can ramble about them more, also explain the Tommy thing a bit since I have yet to properly draw him for this au

Basically long story short, Tommy's one of the people on the smp who adopted Cryptid as their sibling

Cryptid made a run away attempt on their first night in the smp and ran into him and Ghostbur (who they are also close with!)

And they've been friends ever since, despite having their rough patches due to their clash of morals and personality (Tommy keeps swearing he doesn't actually care about them, he does, he very much does)

It's actually on the day that Cryptid runs into Techno that Cryptid aquires some of his wardrobe, they forgot to bring a jacket, so Tommy gives them his sweater(which is way too big for them) and just kind of never asks for it back, the bandana was specifically given though, it's a match of the one he had back in the day before he and Tubbo swapped bandanas some time in the L'manburg independence war

Cryptid wears the sweater often(despite it being too big for them) and they barely take off the bandana, it's comfy what can they say?

This... pisses of Dream quite a bit

He wouldn't like seeing them in any of his enemies clothes, but he especially hates that they're Tommy's

And for Cryptid, Cryptid thinks sides are bullshit in general, everyone's just people why do they have to pick a side when both are right and both are wrong at the same time? They'll just be friends with whoever they damn well like thank you very much

Dream absolutely does not think that way, and to him, them being friends with Tommy means they're abandoning him in the process

And it's Tommy, Tommy of all people, he made this server hell and then he just gets to steal his friends and leave him to rot alone? And be hailed as a "hero"? It's all bullshit to him, and he is absolutely not letting him "take" his sibling, no fucking way, they're good, they want what he wants, a world of peace, Tommy doesn't just get to take them and fuck everything up all over again, to make them just as chaotic as himself

If you cannot tell, Dream's mindset is very very unhealthy, and Cryptid's own agency is not a thing that pops up in there a whole lot at this point in story

He does basically everything he can to isolate them from people that are not him and his allies, he also does a similar thing with Wren, but that's more a matter of making sure that Wren will not meet anyone on the smp in a at all friendly way unless he wants her to be friends with them

Wren's harder to control though, Dream knows that he can guilt trip gaslight girlboss Cryptid into doing or not doing things if he tries hard enough, but Wren actually has enough of a backbone to call him out if he tried anything like that on her

So he tries to manipulate the situation more than her directly

I think that's all the rambling that I have for now, I was absolutely not kidding when I said I was going to make him a gigantic bastard, he has a lot of issues, a lot of issues

Also in this comic is what I was talking about when I said he moves Cryptid manually a lot, he tilts their head to him, pulls them onto their tips toes, pulls them against him, over all he's just very... Touchy.. in a very platonic way(obviously), but touchy none the less, it's often on the gentler side, but sometimes it's definitely closer to manhandling

Anyway now I'm actually done, I have so many thoughts about all my blorbos though, it's very hard to shut up :p

(Dreaming of death is an au of the fic Penpal by @calamari-minecraft-corner)

[madefate]

hi welcome to me thinking too hard about a fictional character, blitz & ozzie's well, apparently all of season one now edition

i've been doing a pretty deliberate rewatch because it's really easy for me to jump the gun on things timeline wise & conflate where a character winds up, growth wise, with where they are at any given point in the timeline. & i want to do my characterization of blitz justice, of course, but i'm also just fascinated by why he acts the way he does, and boy oh boy is his character arc in season one almost entirely about loneliness.

( also, keep in mind that despite this taking place in hell, no characters actually act with malicious intent, & blitz is an unreliable narrator w/ communication issues ! no character bashing here, just examination. )

o1. murder family

we're introduced to the infamous deal ! which we know, we know, but some things to note that really inform blitz's mindset, and also just some interesting details:

stolas presents this transactionally. generously, sure, but transactionally, & blitz agrees to it transactionally. i will never call this coercion - it's just a deal with actually very clear terms.

the connotation of the whole arrangement, though, is a little condescending. that's kind of the nature of their relationship - blitz bitches at stolas, stolas patronizes blitz, and this feels like a familiar status quo. ( yes, personally i believe this is literally where the miscommunication starts, especially with the context of season two ! it feels obvious to me that this is stolas taking a page out of a romance novel & treating it like foreplay - it's just that blitz doesn't know that! )

the context of blitz talking over this deal while he's in mortal peril and doesn't know where his employees are, or if they're still alive, i think provides some reinforcement for his own feeling that he, himself, doesn't matter. it's easier to call this a business deal than actually communicate that the bad time is, like, imminent death of the people he's in charge of.

this episode establishes the entire season one pattern of stolas continuously referring to blitz as an imp, impish, a thing that's owned, or a thing in general - which does come up & isn't played entirely for laughs.

i think the dirty talking, though, is meant to be played for laughs, so we'll leave that as a joke.

the other major theme of this episode is moxxie's crisis about this being the murder of a mom and the destruction of a family - which is vitally important to BOTH his & blitz's characterizations and backgrounds.

& oh no, the boy is on fire. again. at least this time it doesn't hurt!

a very small moment that does grow: moxxie & millie have each other! they have someone who prioritizes them - which is played a little for laughs here, but we know that it canonically does bother blitz.

o2. loo loo land

DOES ANYONE LOVE YOU, BLITZO ??

hi there, first of two episodes in a row that are literally just bad memory after bad memory !

blitz makes it clear from the get go that he does not do bodyguard work. but, of course, he needs the money & wants the money and so, here he is! making bad choices for himself yet again. obviously, the bitching at / condescending to nature of his & stolas' relationship continues, & we get a few key nuggets of characterization:

blitz takes ❛ first shift ❜ watching stolas - and never actually tags M&M in at all. they only take over when the fire starts & blitz is having his trauma war with a fucking fizz bot, but otherwise he, importantly, tells them to have fun, and is actually seen taking his job super seriously - this comes up again in his flashback with fizz & his guarding of fizz during the mammon special ! so it's pretty clear that guarding someone is something he takes a lot more seriously than killing humans, which makes sense given everything he's been through.

i don't need to elaborate - facing a fizzbot is one of the worst things that could happen to him, ever. it's eclipsed only by seeing barbie, fizz himself, or confronting anything about his mother.

the question of does anyone love you ? and the eventual flip of it, do you love anyone ? is going to continue through the rest of the season

o3. spring broken

personally, i think verosika & blitz had the most toxic fucking relationship, and i don't think it was one sided. i wouldn't be surprised if there was more miscommunication here - i do believe that verosika had real feelings for blitz, that he did too, and that he self destructed the relationship when he realized that. but i also believe that verosika's apparent defense mechanism of being extremely flippant and dismissive hit blitz's buttons exactly.

his biggest fear, we see, is being rejected, and i think it was this unfortunate clash of neither of them letting their real feelings show, blitz feeling blown off, and then destroying the whole relationship when he was desperate for it to be over and the bridge to burn.

so, yeah, this fucking blows. this is contemptuous, and it's fairly obvious that verosika is taking the chance to rub salt in the wound with taking over his space - and he's throwing it right back by challenging her. which would probably be easier to deal with if he hasn't spent weeks basically having his negative self image reinforced at every turn.

which is why he latches so hard onto loona. it's very clear that loona is still working through her own abandonment trauma, and that blitz is usually fairly good about being affectionate and supportive while letting her lashing out roll off his back because FUCK does he understand that.

but he goes in way too hard with the protective thing - he's terrified of what could happen to her in the human world, and he doesn't have the greatest impression of romantic interests in general so he projects hard when he sees her start to fall for tex (something that he doesn't seem to worry about in later episodes, which makes this seem like an anomaly). but she's ALREADY dealing with the normal insecurity of having a crush and her own social anxiety.

so, of course, she blows up.

one of the MOST TELLING LINES in the entire series is "because i adopted you! that should mean something!" this, to me, is the thesis of how blitz interacts with the world: you're either a stranger or you're a family and there's no in between. that's the boundary crossing that happens with M&M all the time - that desperate need to be a family with them. that's what he has with loona: he clings to being her father, because it's, in his mind, the best thing he's done with his life. and of course he goes overboard, and of course loona lashes out, and of course so does he -

and it just, kind of never gets resolved.

but, he'll get over it. he always does.

o5. the harvest moon festival

that's STRIKER, sir!

i think this is, by far, the most interesting breakdown between stolas & blitz and it's so subtle. as a standalone, it really does seem like blitz is simply incredibly grumpy whenever stolas talks to him in wrath, but it's not that simple. looloo land may have been a public outing, but blitz was clearly and absolutely working. the harvest moon festival was posed as a social outing, and he's not on the job at all.

so when he reacts to the nickname blitzy, he's irritated at being condescended to in public when he's not being paid for it. to him, it feels more mocking and purposeful than it ever had, and it's clear that the only times the attention bothers him is when it's - to him - patronizing (even if it's just meant to be teasing!)

then, there's striker (sir). to my knowledge, striker is the first person who pays blitz any semblance of actual respect / admiration in the series, which is something that lights him up immediately. he may feel worthless most of the time, but he's proud of the business he built, and to be working with M&M - employing only imps and a hellhound, likely one of the few, if any, businesses in hell that actually does so - according to striker. what he did was rare and flies in the face of hell's socioeconomic hierarchy, and his mood is noticeably lifted the entire day.

he gets to do things he loves! he gets to play in the pain games, he has a good bonding moment with loona, he got to meet millie's family - fuck, he thought he was making, if not a friend, a work acquaintance - which is a big deal when we know he conflates work with family.

so when the betrayal hits? it hits HARD on EVERY LEVEL. blitz opened up to someone new for the first time ever on screen that we've seen - and striker attacked his employees and tried to kill his business partner. and thought that blitz would want to join him - so what does that say about blitz ? is he like that - he's certainly bitter, he's certainly been kicked around by society, he was charmed by a snake in the grass.

and striker's words don't go away, because, until this point in the series, he's not fucking wrong. the one who treats you like a plaything - is stolas genuinely just fucking around with him? is this all a game - he's so fucking flippant, so is their back and forth of bitching and patronizing not just ... their thing? is he being used ?

& then blitz lets him get away - fails to do his job when he has a weapon that can kill demon royalty in his possession, and blitz - failed.

o6. truth seekers

are you afraid to love people, blitzy ?

there's literally so much here in this episode that i'm speeding through a greatest hits, because we KNOW that we have canon confirmation that blitz pushes people and pushes them away until they prove him right and leave, thanks moxx:

even if blitz WASN'T coming off his failure with striker, he'd be just as protective of moxxie throughout this entire episode. he consistently shields moxxie, makes loona close the portal on them, and watches moxxie the entire time he's still knocked out. family is serious business.

uh oh ! the humans got them ! failed again - that twice in a row now, bud?

this is where those easter eggs of blitz third wheeling M&M comes in - that little truth gas outburst is such a major clue for just how lonely he is. he knows, logically, that he's taking it too far with them - that he's bitter and jealous, but he has no idea what to do with that because the only solution is, uh, letting someone in?? are you NUTS ??

his gas induced fight with moxxie DID hurt them both! both what he'd heard and what he'd revealed - blitz spends so much energy locking away his true feelings that it's like being raked over the coals to have them forcibly dredged up, against either of their wills.

okay, alright, the dream. i'm not even going to dissect it - i just think it's Neat™ that the ghosts that haunt him are his major failures: striker, the most recent; fizz, the oldest; verosika, freshly on his mind and direct contrast to stolas.

(a fun small thing that drives the knife in is blitz's aggravation with moxxie's intellectualism, rubbing the old wound of being seen as stupid or uneducated himself.)

i don't know! eventually everyone goes ! / 'cause you're thoughtless and cruel and you'll end up alone !

you're gonna die alone, blitzo !

you TRIED the solo act - it didn't work out so well / but you don't WANT to do things alone, blitzo

we see it spelled out: blitz is constantly fighting against that instinct to push everyone away, while always craving that closeness - love, someone to spend the rest of his life with. a family that stays. the fear that he will absolutely destroy them so better to fuck it up NOW and send them packing before he can really do some damage.

right now, the closest thing he has to consistent intimacy is stolas. it's stolas he runs to in order to escape the ghosts of his past - but when he realizes that, he needs a fucking leash to let himself crawl the rest of the way. he needs the illusion of no choice - fuck, even the illusion of someone wanting him badly enough to pull on the other end.

are you afraid to love people, blitzy?

absolutely yes. he's his own worst enemy - the only actual constant companion he has, and boy is he sick of himself.

blitz's brain: a currently on fire dumpster

we learn that blitz is capable of being more than physically available - he's been emotionally available for moxxie in the past, and he's emotionally available here, too. all it took was weeks of failure, hours of interrogation, and a REALLY bad trip.

honestly, by the time the girls show up, both of the dumbass twins are ready to just FUCK THESE HUMANS UP. it's been a long day, a long week, a long life, and why not just fall back into their core competencies.

you know my name. use it. thanks blitz. names are so, so humanizing. he just wants to know that his friend - his best friend, let's be real - is okay.

so ... the impish little plaything, huh. honestly, it wouldn't sit as badly if blitz hadn't just had the emotional whiplash of being captured by HUMANS of all stupid things, but then a moment of true competency with his team - and then back into the dread of failure, this time with millie and his daughter at risk, too.

breaking into the facility and getting them home seemed like child's play for stolas. in fact, he's a real demon, apparently. so, what does that make blitz?

exhausted. honestly, after they fuck that night, blitz passes the fuck out.

fuck, he hates needing help.

i also have a fun pet theory that One and Two have a recording of either the wonder twins' hallucinations, or them babbling about said hallucinations.

o7. ozzie's

ah yes, the culmination. he gave it all for a thrust, didn't he.

the sheer desperation of fucking following M&M on their goddamn anniversary. he's not even TRYING to self destruct that relationship - he's just endangering it out of abject loneliness and bitterness.

he's completely unreceptive to stolas' changed behavior - his seeming genuine interest in him, his dropping of all the patronizing and teasing, his actual happiness at being out together. that wall he's placed himself behind is practically impenetrable at this point - there's just been too much shit and they haven't talked enough at all, so there is no part of him that assumes that stolas' affection is in any way sincere.

so, he almost expects the rejection. isn't that exactly what moxxie said? you push people away until they leave - and it takes two to tango, here, of course, but that is the mindset he's in in the aftermath of ozzie's. even if it's unfair, or even if it's just confused or naive or hopeful, blitz thought - maybe, just maybe, he might have at least an ally in stolas.

instead, he got a menu. and blitz bitterly proved himself right.

so he can't see stolas' genuine attempts to reach out in the aftermath for what they are. he's not going to until he starts actually trying to take those walls down - opening himself up to the possibility of trusting someone else. fuck, trying to trust himself. right now, all he can do is look this kindness in the eye, call its bluff (the one he imagines exists), and drive away.

because, fuck, he's going to die alone, isn't he. and that's on him.

[animeyanderelover]

OH EM GEE I have like reread that purely platonic of Hayama(KNB) for sooo long and I was wondering if you could do more after maybe he kidnaps his S/O or maybe how he reacts when they finally like him back? :)) THANK YOU

I've written that eternities ago but I'm still glad someone acknowledges Hayama! This is the post meant by the way.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsession, delusion, manipulation, abduction

Purely platonic Pt.2

🐆As already established in the previous Hc's, being very affectionate with Hayama is a death sentence for you as it's frighteningly easy for the boy to already mistake smaller acts of you as a sign that you like him too. Being as physically affectionate as you are only is the nail in the head to fill his head with all the wrong ideas and at that point it's beyond saving yourself anymore. You might try to explain the misunderstanding to him yet Hayama always shuts you up with a kiss on your lips, laughing at the joke you just made as every word you speak does not get through the thick wall of delusions inside his head. You might even try to avoid him only to find yourself scared as you find out that he's following you around, refuses to leave you alone and even approaches friends and acquaintances of you to know where you are, you've even heard from some of them that he threatened them.

🐆The final cherry on the top are the spam calls and messages and the times where he even turned up in front of your house. No matter what you might do, he always twists your words around as he's too immersed in his head and that's when you finally realize that there's no reasoning with him. He will never believe you when you tell him that you don't love him, it'll always be twisted into something else. You're just being shy! You're just insecure! Maybe someone made a comment and now you're too embarrassed to continue showering him with all your affection? Those are only a few of many excuses Hayama comes up with. It's obvious that your change in behavior gets on his nerves though, his temper starts to wear down and he's more impulsive and aggressive, especially to the people around him if they fall victim to his suspicion. Maybe that bully of yours said something wrong? That ex-best friend of yours maybe?

🐆What if you start liking him back? Well, assuming that you can't reason with him and do feel scared of him yet are also too attached to him to leave him, you'll be subjected to emotional manipulation one way or another. Hayama doesn't hold your lack of attention and affection against you as he searches for the fault in those around you yet he's also very sad about your new behavior. He tries to stay positive but it's so hard as he grows visibly depressed that he's unable to bask in your love again, quite literally gives you sad puppy eyes when he tries to reach out for you to initiate affection but sees you refusing him. You care for him still so much and seeing someone who is usually always energetic slowly turning so sad because of you wears you down. If you're careful and reasonable with the amount of affection maybe it'll be fine? Wrong thought as you mistake that Hayama is shrewd if needed so he can connect the dots to why you're giving him more PDA again.

🐆If his sadness is the push you need to come back to your senses and let go of your doubts, so be it. It's only to help youafter all. Now, he does feel a bit guilty so he starts being extra affectionate and loving. Little gifts he gets you, the cute and funny dates he takes you on and much more. Things go out of hand but Hayama overwhelms you to the point where you just accept everything. With time something within your heart changes as you find your heart fluttering constantly when the boy touches you or showers you with adoration. Is this love? Are you falling in love? Maybe you're still a bit unsure since you never saw Hayama that way before, on the other hand you know that he already loves you to the moon and back. So it wouldn't be that bad to really give him a chance if it might end up making both of you happy. Right? Hayama already knew that you've always loved him but he's thrilled to notice that whatever bothered you before is gone as you start pouring all your love onto him again.

🐆What if he ends up kidnapping you? So you continue to run away from him at all costs though, hmm? Did you finally realize how big you screwed up by being so physically affectionate around him, even if you only saw it only as a platonic way to show him your love? Well, it's too late now, sugar. Because the more drastic meassurements you take to avoid him, the more drastically will Hayama react. An abduction upsets him, or more the thought of not having been able to ask you to move in together with you happily agreeing. But that's alright because he's sure things will solve themselves if you just have a little break from the outside world and are not surrounded by whoever or whatever put wrong thoughts in your head. It all takes place one late day as you walk home and Hayama stalks behind you smoothly. You notice far too late as he pulls you against his chest and muffles your screams with a piece of cloth, the strange scent of it invading your nostrils and slowly causing you to black out.

🐆He's being nice and considerate to you after you're stuck in his house, or at least he thinks he is. You on the other hand are absolutely terrified as it dawns on you that he's truly sick in his head. He only shows minimal guilt for his actions, always replying that you love him but just need to be reminded about that. The sheer conviction and confidence in his eyes coupled with the lovesick gleam in his eyes always makes you shudder. You shouldn't try to escape from him though. He's fast, far too fast for you to process and even if he wouldn't seriously hurt you, the way he grips your wrists or ankles tightly after he's caught you makes you realize that he's really strong. Strong enough to leave bruises on the skin he squeezes all too tightly whilst keeping that grin on his face, one that makes your stomach churn. Darling, you should be more careful. If you continue to refuse his help, he might have to tie you up to keep you from running. He knows it's scary but don't worry, he's here for you.

[kings-highway]

I read Time Enough yesterday from start to finish (yes I had other things to do, no that did not stop me) and I am still thinking about it. I left a little comment but I wanted to say more. (Sorry if this is a bit incomprehensible, I'm Very tired)

Your angst is always written in such an immersive and impressive way, but this story in particular hit so strongly. I thought it was so well done. Everything Daichi did and felt was so believable. And the feelings of having to move through a life like that was absolutely heart breaking. The relationships were so believable and idk how to phrase it other than genuine? Realistic?

It was just such an intense and beautiful piece, and Daichi's journey/cycle of monotony to acting out to trying to find stability again was so well done and so relatable. I was right along with him at one point like "obviously he has to learn a lesson here, but come on he did! He's trying to live life more!" Only to realize at the end that he still really wasn't, not really, not in the way that really allowed him to appreciate it. It wasn't that he needed to appreciate life by acting more or less predictable, it's that he needed to learn to appreciate life by appreciating his own, by learning to take care of himself, by asking for help and letting others take care of him. I've read several of your stories now where this is a major theme for him and I was STILL too immersed in his mindset to see it right away! That's very good writing imo <3

If you want to answer (ik some people don't like explaining story choices and that's fine too! I have my theories) what moment in that last day was it that broke the loop? Or was there no one moment, but just the process of the day itself and those leading up to it that did it?

First, thank you so much for leaving such a lovely and sincere ask in my inbox. You've got my giggling and kicking my feet like a child on christmas. It means so much that someone like you is reading and appreciating my work 🤍🤍

Second, I dont mind answering at all! I know a few others had speculated regarding the circumstances of the time loop so I can definitely share my decision making process

[Spoilers for literally nearly every chapter of Time Enough below, if you havent read it yet.]

And the answer is... Nothing.

Though that doesnt mean it wasnt intentional on my part, that nothingness means something to me.

The logic of the time loop is simply "sometimes time gets stuck in a loop, and unfortunately this time Daichi is aware of it." There is no real reason why it breaks on that specific day that it does, it could have just as easily broken the day before or the day after or in twelve years.

While I played around with the idea of Daichi having to "break" it in some way, there was no version of that that didnt position someone in his life as more important than another, or incite further questions about the universe. (although it does make me giggle imagining if the second half took a sharp left turn into Daichi and Oikawa hunting and fighting aliens.)

You could read this story as a metaphor for depression or burnout, optionally.

The truth is, every choice Daichi made always mattered. Each day did not come with definitive evidence that it would loop again into the next, it just coincidentally did for approximately two years. As suddenly and jarringly as it breaks in the 11th chapter, that could have been any chapter. Thats why so many end with the 00:00 moment, because it wasn't a given and it was important to mention. What would have happened if it had broken after he's slept with and romanced Oikawa? [Would he have pursued this new connection? left it as a one night stand? how would his life have moved forward after that kind of insane connection as Oikawa would believe he had his time loop experience?] What would have happened if it had broken after Tendou had been hit by the truck? [Tendou would be dead - what will he tell anyone?] What if it had broken after punching Iwaizumi? While he's standing, frostbitten in Iceland? After any random day he thought didnt matter? After he kills himself?

Daichi was never any more safe from his consequences in the loop as he was in linear time, he just got lucky.

And thats the point. How many times have you [the reader] skipped a class because its "boring and repetive?" phone in an essay because its "just" 10%? declined to hang out with a friend you havent seen in a while because "eh, maybe next weekend."

Choices always matter. Even if you think you have calculated the worst possible end, every single day has the ability to dramatically shift the direction of your life if you use it right. There is no such thing as a day that doesnt matter.

As a metaphor for depression and burnout, you're absolutely right. Daichi's loop is broken the moment he tells Suga that he'll let him take care of him. The moment he admits there's a problem and makes a promise he intends to keep. The act of loving and being loved in return is scary and difficult but sometimes it is the only way to succeed. [Its important here to mention that this is not romantic love I refer to.] And that means trying. Agreeing to do something you think is pointless [Daichi doesnt believe a psychiatrist can help; its a time loop] but he trusts Suga anyway and agrees sincerely.

As a story, it was nothing anyone did.

Daichi just got lucky that when the loop broke he was safe and surrounded by people who would care for him.

Free will and individual agency are massive themes in my stories and perhaps thats just a product of my own current age and experience. I think in a lot of ways I havent quite gotten the hang of it myself even if I understand it in my mind. Understanding it intuitively is a lot harder.

But it gets a little bit easier for me when I can write it out and share it with people like you who care as much for these characters and stories and appreciate them in the same way.

Thank you so much for asking <3 Inbox is always open and yall can message me any time if you wanna chat about anything to just scream. [The chickens in my brain will do their best to scream back.]

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/723574696276377600/what-i-dont-understand-though-is-why-taehyung?source=share

i'm not being hypocritical, i'm being realistic. the members can show support (and do!) for each other in private, but i'm talking about what we see of the members and what they tell us. taehyung didn't show up for jungkook's birthday. jk didn't show up for jimin's schedule too, you're right. i didn't even mention jikook but since you did let me make it clear that i don't think they're dating. i don't think anyone in bts is dating a member. if they were dating i would expect jungkook to physically show up for jimin like jimin does for him. jimin is the type of friend that shows up for everybody whenever and wherever so it's not out of character for him to cross oceans for his friends. while jk is an introvert so i never expect him to do that for anybody (unless it's a romantic partner)

so if taekook are a couple, how come jungkook and taehyung are never there for each other on important occasions? (again, unless we speculate with no proof. and yes, proof does matter otherwise we'd be venturing on deulu land). taehyung went back to korea to support a wooga member last year (i can't remember who) but he can't do the same for his boyfriend? i even remember it happened one day before jk's birthday and people speculated he came back for jk, only for jk to confirm on live that he only saw jimin and jhope (and jin who was there on live).

if jungkook says taehyung didn't show up for his birthday even though taehyung was in the country then that tells me they're not dating. because it's not unrealistic to hold couples to that standard. if they are a couple, certain behaviours will be expected of them by observing fans who want to have a healthy mindset and not go off of theories.

we all have the same amount of information about the members and we all make different conclusions based on what we know. if some people see a romantic link between jungkook and taehyung, then it's healthy to have certain expectations of them that keeps us grounded. we can't just say "it doesn't matter if they do this or that. they're still a couple" based on what?? there's no definite proof that proves they're dating each other, people can only speculate based on certain behaviours. and nothing about their behaviour so far screams "we're a couple!" their behaviour is pretty platonic unless you're biased and leaning towards shipping them as a couple. but what kind of boyfriend doesn't show up for his boyfriend's birthday?? multiple times at that. if jihope can never miss jungkook's birthday even if they're across the ocean, then what's taehyung's excuse for missing it even though he was in the country? in 2019 BTS were on vacation and all of them were in different countries (except for vhopekook who were in korea i think) and yet jk said he'd only seen jihope during the whole month of vacation they had. mind you, jimin was in france and took a plane to seoul just to not miss jk's birthday before resuming his trip. if a friend can do that then why couldn't taehyung who was in the country?

i know this ask has been focused on the birthday aspect of things, but i can apply this logic to many of taekook's behaviours that are inconsistent if we consider them to be a couple. but this has been long already so i won't indulge into that topic now.

Hi again anon!

Well, this is a better way to start a conversation than immediately calling me out for gaslighting. Thanks for clarifying you’re not a Jkkr, I get a lot of those.. so I was assuming a bit there.

The main difference between you and I is that you are looking for proof for a normal relationship, between people who are out and in the open. And that would make you correct. And if I were to look at Tae and Jk like that, I would maybe also not think they were together. But, say I’m correct.. we would be talking about a relationship that is hidden from the public and possibly from even more people than just the general public. I don’t think a queer relationship between two bandmembers would be allowed in SK. So when you start looking for normal signs of a relationship, you will come up empty handed. I can indeed not give you proof of that. If it was possible to actually proof Taekook at that level, these conversations wouldn’t happen.. Jikook as a ship would not exist. So in that sense you would be right.

But I look at it as them being closeted. And I do think there is evidence in support of that, though it is not the hard kind of evidence you would need to be convinced. But then again, it’s impossible in a situation like this to find that sort of hard evidence. I disagree for instance that Tae and Jk’s interactions are purely platonic. There’s several (quite a few actually) instances of attraction, jealousy, flirting, and even occasional lust between them. Body language is often overlooked as proof, because it is to a certain level up to interpretation. But when the same instances of body language keep repeating themselves over and over, I think that as a whole can be looked upon as evidence. The same goes for the times Tae and Jk got told to separate while on camera. One time might be excused as an incident, but it’s happened quite a few times, which establishes a pattern. Basically the whole fandom agrees that Tae and Jk were super close in the early years, their friendship was even highlighted and used in official content a lot. It is also clear to almost the whole fandom that something changed. I know the official explanation is that they drifted apart (due to awkwardness or Tae having made others a priority), but to me that doesn’t account for the quite obvious change in official content. Their change in closeness could not have been that bad for the company to stop making official content with them, not unless they were actually on the outs and didn’t even want to work together much, but that clearly wasn’t the case. If you look at content from that time, they were just as comfortable with each other as ever.. they were just shown differently by the company. To me that is visible proof for something not adding up. And yes I do combine that with how I see Tea and Jk interacting.. so maybe that is speculation. But to me speculation can absolutely be true. I always say that I am not a 100 percent sure, we cannot be. But I do trust my own observational skills and my way of reasoning.

To you that means nothing and I totally understand that. It’s like me, a stranger on the internet, telling you: “trust me bro”. And you shouldn’t trust me because of that. But I am not here to convince anyone of my thoughts. I know I cannot proof everything. I have a clear view in my head of what I believe happened. I am sharing my opinions on here and I try to explain to others why I see what I see.

You are saying: “if they are a couple, certain behaviours will be expected of them by observing fans who want to have a healthy mindset and not go off of theories.” and: "if some people see a romantic link between jungkook and taehyung, then it's healthy to have certain expectations of them that keeps us grounded.". But they aren’t trying to proof they are a couple, if they actually are closeted that would even mean they actively try to proof they aren’t at times. I am also not trying to proof they are a couple, I just think they are. I am sure enough of my observations to blog about it the way I am. That says something about me and my thoughts. But I understand that is not enough for you. I feel comfortable enough with not knowing everything, you don't and that's fine.

so if taekook are a couple, how come jungkook and taehyung are never there for each other on important occasions?

I think that is just as much an assumption as me thinking they actually have been there for each other.

[quietbluejay]

Angel Exterminatus Take 2 #11

coming to you LIVE from double pneumonia purgatory!

featuring the most famous scene in this book

(though, really, I feel like Eidolon stuffing Fulgrim with jewels in the same manner one would embed garlic shards into a chicken was a more memorable scene. Angel Exterminatus is one of the most Horus Heresy books ever)

it's time to derail to talk about magnus

what is the point of this if you don't leave something better behind you indeed note that the emperor doesn't actually answer this lol

and then he joins the heresy lol perturabo also wonders if Fulgrim's meeting with the emperor keeps HIM up at night

Lore: I just realised that despite Perturabo being memed on about being bitter about Dorn he almost never shows up here.

Bluejay: i know, it was such a surprise to me he does think about Dorn a few times earlier in the book and he's fairly salty i mean his whole playing the wargame vs the palace and then being like "this is why im always better than you, brother" but overall it's fairly minor

next up is Soulaka who is still intrigued by the monsters and decided to go do first aid as an excuse to try and find them he's shocked and appalled by the general state of things he tries to help one EC who is dying but doesn't save him, so starts to harvest his geneseed unfortunately, he's caught in the middle by Fabius still unclear how he survived wait sorry i misread Lucius stops him

but fabius is right behind him! welp RIP Soulaka killed by fabius and had his geneseed stolen okay you all may know what's coming next Fulgrim is late for their meeting

yes it's this scene but Fulgrim is finally here

im sure they will manage this like mature adults

Fulgrim decides to affect an interest in all the sketches and then he sees primarch anatomy Fulgrim is jealous and wants to know where he got them from Perturabo: you know well, I don't his database in his head?? self-vivisection??? they talk a bit about what Fabius is up to i feel like perturabo'd be a bit more upset if he knew he killed soulaka to steal his geneseed

lmao Perturabo never said anything about meaning it was wrong in the moral sense he meant in the technical you're the one bringing morality and Nietzsche into things here (much like the emperor, and i'm gonna get into this later) there's a bit of discussion about the clockwork titan Vulkan built it Fulgrim is immediately bored lol Fulgrim: guess Vulkan's not as good as I heard if this one isn't working

Perturabo's robots stop them, though RIP the clockwork warhound

also i love every time it gives a new adjective to describe Fulgrim's black eyes

I'm not being sarcastic, it's really fun

Perturabo is Done (tm)

Fulgrim: lmao I'm better than you in every way Perturabo: and yet I'm the one holding the hammer

Perturabo puts down the hammer

incidentally, Fulgrim is healing much faster than a normal primarch so, they have an agreement i remember the first time i read this i was like "this is NOT going to go the way perturabo thinks it is"

OKAY let's go back to what the emperor said last time

yes it's bluejay once again talking about consequentialism because that whole scene really does express the consequentialist mindset of the Emperor "it's fine when i do it, because I'm right"

which is now competing with Fulgrim's philosophy here of "it's fine when i do it, because it being right or wrong doesn't actually matter" because the first can lead into the second it's not such a huge jump this was also about the spot first time around where I was like "people talk like getting acknowledgement would have fixed Perturabo, but it really, really wouldn't"

Lore: I feel like Fulgrim's take on things is more nihilistic compared to the Emperor's, but their core argument is the same.

Bluejay: yeah that's my point, haha

i just didn't want to be like "consequentialism always leads into nihilism" im percolating ideas and i want to correct past me because there never really was any choice for Perturabo at all! in terms of a satisfying story all the choices are just the same choice because he needed to develop his own philosophy separate from the emperor/fulgrim i need to consider if i was right in my original reading about this being that conflict

Checkerheart: Basically Pert needed to make his own decision for once in his goddamned life

Bluejay: but he can't!! he falls victim to his flaws that's why he should die …i mean, from a narrative perspective

huh, i thought i'd picked up on what was going on here first time around but rereading through things, i hadn't yet, lol

Forrix once again has a bad feeling about things

and he's right, lmao

on a completely different topic i got reminded of the time someone called Perturabo a twink

Lore: He's more of a thwonk in feeling than a twink Will fall on you like a brick wall if you get too close

we're into part 3 now which means another interlude take a wiiiiild guess which character's past we're gonna see

so there's a group of them out in the radiation-infested wastes on what may be a wild goose chase

so despite all the dangers, they approach the comet… there's something glowing

so Sullax wants to kill the baby because he's an orphan, and, well, that's what happens to orphans, rip they end up getting into a fight and Coryn and Ptolea kill Sullax

TemplarWarden: After that description, presumably according to all of them, and really that's the conclusion? That's not fucked up at all.

Bluejay: yeppp also, mysterious, there's clean water flowing so that's how Fulgrim gets named because it apparently means "the water-bringer" hm i need to chew on this

TemplarWarden: That's a lot of very weird stuff, like I get that primarchs are odd but that seems the most blatant.

Bluejay: yeah this is levels of super-charisma beyond anything we've seen!

okay back to the present

i've said before he's got gifted kid syndrome turned up to 11, and i stand by that also you know, i don't think Guilliman and Perturabo ever actually interact on page also this is like instance #6 or 7 or "take the metal to the stone" is this a perturabo original or an Olympian thing

Checkerheart: …huh That feels like a waste (Pert might have had a moderately-healthier mindset if he decided he wanted to copy Guil rather than Dorn)

Bluejay: (or if they had some kind of rivalry) actually, that probably would have been good for both of them

guilliman would have to actually confront his whole attitude of "woe is me, everyone doesn't like me because i'm better than them" though then again, given this is perturabo…

Checkerheart: It's not that Pert would do this healthily But it would be an improvement over how he is It would be more healthy And it would actually use Pert in the sort of role that he seems more suited for It would let us get more of a vision of what full potential Pert would be like while still letting him squander himself on petty bullshit

so what is he doing right now, you might ask? he's repairing the warhound titan he smashed fulgrim's face into "it would be the work of months to repair it" maybe i'm reading too much into this but remember "once a thing is broken, it will always be broken?"

is this repair symbolic of perturabo wanting to repair his life and relationships anyways, Perturabo doesn't regret beating up Fulgrim, but secretly thinks that Forrix was right

HES SUCH A MORON

Checkerheart: Pert quits all the wrong things

Bluejay: exactly in all ways but physical, i am biting his head like an angry anime child Perturabo is tired and his eyes feel gritty, like he didn't get enough sleep oh yeah last time when i read this i was like "get help…oh wait i forgot this is warhammer"

TemplarWarden: Ah thr gun is going to go off and shoot me anyway, might as well not try to avoid it or wear a bulletproof vest. Oh Perturabo.

random magnus simping...

this was also the spot where i figured out what was going on anyone else picked up on what's going on? also i felt like an idiot because there were hints before but in retrospect i didn't actually miss that much they're almost at their destination, Perturabo still has no idea what was up with that second ship or with their Eldar guide and it's a Forrix interrupt, they've arrived

next time we're finally getting to the planet!

[sillybeansss]

okay wait before i start typing out my reply. THANK YOU??? i.dont know i just. DUFUJDFHHF THAT FEELS SO NICE TO. READ THANK YOU??? i genuinely cannot begin to express my gratitude,,,, but thank you!!! im proud of you, too!! i hope things get better for you in every way, and i mean that. 

i will try to reapond to each paragraph individually hold pn,,, ( < is currently writing this in the notes app because i dont trust tumblr )

yeah fair!!! itd be nice to expand my hobbies and interests, especially with something like instruments. i get what you mean about taking it slow and practicing. like i say, practice, while it may not always make perfect, makes progress. hence why its good to exercise your abilities! actually i cannot be talking i am extremely art blocked but ive been writing a lot lately and im honestly super happy about that!! also i might try to pursue piano, although ill ask my friend to try and teach me piano 101 since i dont want to pay for actual classes, especially since i dont know if its for me yet, so itd be kind of pointless to spend money on something i might not like. also might try picking up the flute again! maybe ordering a new book! said flute is still okay its just probably dirty. maybe i might move onto the sax or guitar…also. practice!!! again, practice makes progress! i can assure you that once you do it enough, youre going to be satisfied with the result. do it until it suffices, but dont overwork yourself either!!

i relate to this a lot actually!!! im trying to have a better mindset about the school than i did last year. because, although it can be frustrating sometimes, its not all terrible. my school is a school with no deficiencies, and were usually better than the district…so i guess i should be grateful for that! except for math. also you are very optimistic!! so yes, ‘twas obvious!!! ive always just seen you as like this silly guy who may or may not be energetic at times…though its probably projecting…but i can understand getting pissed off with some peers/schoolmates sometimes. it happens to the best of us. as long as it doesnt escalate a lot, its alright. i usually try to just keep everything i say short and sweet therefore they dont have much to use against me. if it wasnt obvious though i kind of suck at that because im a yap-o-tron

woawww…that sounds super cool!!! now that i think of it i was shown annie in like 4th grade so technically annie WAS actually my first musical…not that i payed much attention though. sometimes. my personal favorite is. EMBARRASSING…and i dont know how people havent found out yet because i keep making references

okay thats my individual reaponse to each paragraph…thats why it sounds kinda weird

~🫶🏽🎳

IM SOSO SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE 😭😭!!!

But for starters ACK TY!!! I'm super duper proud of you silly :33

And I highkey encourage you to try those instruments especially sax!! You seem thrilled about it and I think you'd like it ^_^ I usually try to practice but I am a heavy procrastinator especially since my interests are lowkey one of the biggest things I thinking about after school yk? ALSO ALSO YESSS DO THAT!!! Havia good mindset really helps my counseler always told me that and I thought it was dumb and such but she highkey has a point cause it really does help!! :33 and I think sometimes I am quite energetic I think it just matters the situation and how much I know said person if im with anyone :p

And yeah school just sucks sometimes but hopefully next year the guys will "calm down and mature" like my siblings keep telling me but I don't know if Im fully confident in that,,, but in my time will tell!! ^u^

[myristicisms]

It's always been mortifying, the way he instinctively froze whenever fingers would brush against his chest, clothed or not, it didn't seem to matter who either. Intentional, accidental, someone he knew or didn't know, regardless of the facts it always led to the same result, back going ram rod straight, lips pursing and cutting off whatever he might have been saying if he was even speaking to begin with, and eyes going dull for just a moment. He could be basking in tender affection one moment and then completely disassociate the next and it was something he's come to absolutely hate about himself. It wasn't fair in any capacity to himself nor to those around him and especially not Cloud. There's still things he didn't tell the blonde, things he refused to simply because he didn't want to pull bad memories back into their otherwise happy-ish life and yet the man was too observant, too knowing.

Nobody knew Zack's mannerisms quite like Cloud Strife did, and while normally that was a point of pride or some odd delight, now it was a bit of a problem. Most others would brush him off, it's just Zack being Zack rather than wondering why he's so stiff compared to his usual relaxed posture or why his smile doesn't quite reach his hazed eyes. Unfortunately, the blonde wasn't even close to being like other people, while he feigned indifference, there was a heart of gold in the other just as large albeit more protected than his own and the former SOLDIER really can't blame his partner for noticing something was up with him. He shrugs, tries to feign being fine despite everything in his body demanding he run, demanding he hide away before going into further overdrive and the urge to do a thorough check on the blonde only deepens that pit in his stomach.

He's dropping again, an old and ugly mindset slowly coming back just because he couldn't get his goddamn brain to function as it used to, couldn't force it to understand that he's safe and that the gentle brush of fingers against his ribs wasn't because they were about to dig into his flesh and rip away what's underneath, it was merely just a touch, a loving graze, there was nothing dangerous about it so why did it send him on high alert? “ A little bit, I'll be okay though. ” He whispers, tries to convince himself more than he does Cloud because if he can't calm himself down there's no telling what might happen. Having these little freak outs was rare, it's why he still hasn't figured out how to cope with them quite yet and it's why it's all the more embarrassing that he's trying so hard to hide his panic.

The raven haired man sees the look upon the blonde's features, knows it's concern and further questioning and he hates hiding things from him. “ Just... Bad memories is all, sometimes I get scared I'm still back in the labs and me walking around and just... Being with you is all some sort of messed up drug induced dream while Hojo digs around inside of me again and I'm terrified that I'll wake up and we'll both still be there and you won't be responsive. ” And it's ridiculous to think because he never dreamt so vividly if at all during his time beneath the ruins of Nibelheim, if he were stuck in a dreamlike state why would he dream up nearly dying? None of it made sense to the logical side of his brain but to his instincts it made perfect sense. “ Don't worry about it though, 'kay? I know I'm awake and I'm alive and you're awake and alive too and we're happy and together. Just... My brain’s bein' dumb. ”

@arcanecast | Cloud Strife;;

"You look uncomfortable. "

[phasewavesblog]

When you want to drink, smoke or do dr**s to just forget-

But at the same time you know addictions run in the family and addictions are difficultto fund-

So now your just sitting here deciding what to do.

Forever wanting to do something but not able to do anything-

Then Sн is not preferable either... so your just left.

No way to get these urges or emotions or feelings out. Sp now I'm just sitting here rambling to a void, but It's nice. Atleast I can stare off onto space and imagine a world where I matter and can make a difference.

I mean, that's exactly what I'm doing right now but is it enough? How much do I have to give to people to prove that I'm worth it ? That I'm valued and loved? That I'm worthy to be here and be a great asset to humanity?

I just. In saying, I know I'm valued and.. and... I don't know. But...

It just ficking sucks seeing people succeed and get rewarded for it, I succeed and get nothing out of it. I want someone to love me, and to love me unconditionally.

I tried going back to my old delusional thinking and believing that I am more needed then I believe but it's like-

A substance that you get so used to that hearing those same sweet words that you tell yourself does nothing.

I like disassociating and imagining myself living in a world where I'm loving and loveable, where I can help others and be myself, a place where I can actually be me.

And trust me, I do try to live like this is in this world but it's just- not enough.

Why can't I be rewarded? Is it the mindset of "can't?" I tried to use words of affirmation that "I am worthy of love" and other such things yet- what has that result gotten me?

I mean. There I go again.

I'm distancing myself from my emotions.

Do you know that I genuinely believe that I am not human? Well, in a sense that I've "incarnated" on Earth, but that originally I'm not human, that doesn't stop me from being human on the outside though.

So while yes, I am technically human physically, mentally and everything else- I'm not. At least, that's the way I put it- but at the same time, I AM HUMAN. I was born here and chose to incarnate here, and since I've lived among humans, doesn't that make me a human too? Despite this being my first incarnation here atleast,

But there's so many other people who are already better at being human than me.

I tried to be human, do you know that?

After giving up my delusional thinking of 5 years, I decided that I was going to be human, since the former lifestyle got me no where in terms of love.

So, earlier this year, I decided to be human and live as a human, it felt somewhat nice and exciting again. Then, I fell in love, I met someone and we had genuine emotional intimacy, it was nice.

But then, it fell through. They weren't ready, which was understandable, then they pulled away.

Then I was left with the realization,

Why am I always the one reaching out?

I always reach out and ask if other people are alright, or I give them gifts, or I tell them how I genuinely feel- so why don't I recieve that in return as well?

So, I stopped reaching out as often and pulled back from my former situationship friend, and then- they abandoned me for a bit. It stung...

Then, after a month, I wanted attention again.

I just want to be seen, heard and loved. I want to be someones, well, someone.

And not in a platonic way- I have 5 friends who are platonic- I swear to god, I cannot fucking take this anymore.

I'm always not enough for anyone.

WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH?

I've tried believing that I am enough, and hell, I even fucking have taken myself out on dates and dressed up- but... why can't I just be loved?

I just want to be loved, please. Please. Please.please.

I hate this.

I don't want to fall off, but I don't want to tell anyone these things either cause I just feel fucking insane Haha, so.

I've been journaling.

I have a diary, and plenty of videos of myself, pictures and evidence that I exist.

I occasionally like going back and replaying videos of me being happy and seeing myself be human, but then it hurts cause I can see that I am indeed, capable of loving and being loved- so why can't I be love unconditionally?

[girlbossrichie]

bruno madrigal x gn!reader where they were childhood sweethearts and they see eachother again

a/n: YASSSSS LETS TALK ABOUT BRUNO anyways i love you whoever sent this anyways

All I Need (Bruno Madrigal x GN! Reader)

Your summer was spent running around with Bruno. No matter the time, or the weather, Bruno always showed up at your window every day, and the two of you would go out on one of your rebellious adventures. Maybe you'd go stargazing, pointing out constellations and shooting stars to him, and he would always stare at you, coming up with corny reasons as to why he was staring. You would pretend to cringe at them, but you secretly loved them. 'I have all I need in the universe right next to me', 'I swear I can see a sky full of stars in your eyes', etc. Maybe you'd go to the beach, splashing each other, daring each other to touch the fish, and ending the days with picnics, eating food the two of you made together, and drinking champagne Bruno would sneak out of his fridge.

What you had thought was a summer fling turned into a blooming romance, which lasted for years to come. Your 'thing', so to say, was Bruno would always be knocking at your window, inviting you to go somewhere-- sometimes nowhere, with him. One thing was for certain though, you two never talked about his gift (except acting, of course.) That's the only boundary he had ever set with you. You were his safe place away from the pressures and fearful looks from the village and his family.

The last time he knocked at your window, he had asked if you two could stay in your house. You agreed obviously, you were adults now, you didn't need to go out on adventures much anymore. Hell, he didn't need to be knocking at your window, you lived alone in your own house. It was the night of when Mirabel hadn't received her gift. You wanted to talk to him about it, but you knew it was off limits unless he brought the subject up himself.

After he left, you noticed an envelope near the window. You opened it and found a letter inside.

'My Love,

I'm sorry I could not tell you this in person, I wanted our last night together to be a happy memory, so that when you think about, you'll only ever feel joy.

I'm leaving, and I can't tell you where I'll be. I do hope you miss me.

Yours truly,

Bruno.'

Ten years ago, that letter left you in shambles. You felt betrayed, angry, sad, any negative emotion the brain can come up with was wedging its way into your heart. 'I'm leaving and I can't tell you where I'll be' ? That's it? As one does when grieving, instead of trying to understand why he was leaving, you decided to forget about him. or at least pretend to. Which was easy as your whole village adopted the 'We don't talk about Bruno' mindset.

It was easy to not think about him. Until now, ten years later.

After the Madrigal family's house collapsed, the people of the village, including you, sent out to help the family rebuild their foundation. You had expected to go there, build some walls, and talk with your peers. You hadn't expected to see your sorta-ex-boyfriend standing there, and you had much less expected him to pull you away from the crowd to explain himself.

"I'm sorry." Was all he said, looking at you with a longing yet sad look. You could hardly bare to look in his eyes. You used to think those eyes held the secrets of the universe, now they were near lifeless, hollow indicators of the struggles he'd been holding in for the past decade. You wanted to fall into his arms, kiss him until the sun went down and the moon came out, so you could lay with him and see what you used to in his eyes.

But something in you wasn't gonna give up so easily. That feeling of betrayal and anger was rising back up, and the man who made you feel so many horrible things at once was right in front of you. Was he expecting you to forgive him? You scoffed at the thought.

Before he could ask why you were scoffing, you started speaking.

"I'm sorry too, Bruno." You started. "I'm sorry that I spent years of my life with you, just for you to disappear without even a proper goodbye!" You had nearly started shouting now, your voice raising with every word. "I can't believe that you could be so selfish that you'd just expect me to forgive y-" You abruptly stopped yelling when Bruno suddenly hugged you. Despite yourself, you hugged back.

"I really am so, so sorry y/n," he whispered into your hair. You two were holding onto each other like you were each other's lifelines, neither of you willing to let go.

"How do I know you won't leave me again?"

"Because," Bruno said, "I have all I need in the universe right next to me."

word count: 823

yassssssssssssssss this was kinda goals anyways laterz

[turnaboutyandere]

Hihihihi! Okay, noticed how there aren't any Yandere alphabets for Edgeworth and Phoenix yet but I'm here to finally ask!!!

How about L, S, T and V for the both of them?

Spoilers for: AA3

TW: Delusional mindsets, emotional distress, kidnapping (mentioned), overprotective behavior (mentioned), stalking (mentioned).

[Phoenix Wright]

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Phoenix believes that all good relationships start out as friendships, which is why he takes to befriending you at first. It’s an easy way for him to endear himself to you and it allows him to get to know you better without having to stalk you. Once he feels the two of you are close enough, he’ll pursue you just as he would in normal circumstances.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Mostly his bad experience with Dahlia. Whether he wants to admit it or not, finding out the truth about her nearly broke him, and it’s what made him swear off relationships for so long. So after you came into his life and managed to heal his broken heart, it was only a matter of time before he became obsessed with you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He feels heartbroken, and partially blames himself for your actions. While he is on the more delusional side of the spectrum, he’s still lucid enough to know that kidnapping you, no matter how good his intentions are, is going to take a toll on you. He’ll do everything in his power to make you feel better, but whether or not it works is up to you.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

His trust in you. Despite his paranoia, Phoenix does actually trust you to an extent, and that trust can grow over time. So, you’ll just have to be patient and play the waiting game for a while, until he lets his guard down. It’ll take some time, but once he does, escaping shouldn’t be too hard. Though, if you fail the first time, all subsequent attempts will be much harder, so you’ll still need to be cautious.

[Miles Edgeworth]

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Given his lack of romantic experience, Miles doesn’t really know how to approach you romantically. So, he settles for trying to befriend you at first, just like Phoenix. He’s a lot more awkward than him, though, but he manages to pull through by displaying an impressive amount of knowledge about your hobbies and interests, all of which he learned about by stalking you.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Seeing so many people he cares about getting hurt in some way. Having experienced this time and time again has left him fearful that something similar might happen to you, which results in him becoming far too overprotective. His overprotectiveness only grows worse the longer the two of you are together, until it eventually becomes an obsession.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He’s conflicted. On the one hand, he feels offended by your actions, especially since he went through so much trouble to bring you to his home. But on the other, it pains him to see you so miserable, and he wonders if perhaps he’s to blame for it. Ultimately, though, since he doesn’t have the heart to tell you off, nor does he know how to comfort you properly, he decides it’s best to leave you be for now, hoping you’ll come to see the error of your ways on your own.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Though not exactly a weakness, his busy schedule is definitely something you can exploit. While he’s away, you’ll have ample time to scope out his home and form an escape plan, but you’ll need to be as discreet as possible while doing it; Miles more than likely has several hidden cameras planted around the house, so you’ll need to account for those. However, once you’re ready, all you’ll need to do is wait for him to leave before putting your plan into action. But, just like with Phoenix, you’ll have to be very cautious.