#those who loved him left - either by choice or by force

[agentbluefox]

“It is lonely never to have been loved, only devoured” -Rosemary Sutcliff, Sword at Sunset

[foreverdolly]

࿔ SAVAGE BONDS part 5 『 feyd rautha x atreides!reader 』

summary: destined to one another since conception, your very life belongs to feyd rautha. as a token of good will you are sent to the strange planet of giedi prime a week before your wedding ceremony, only to learn that it is far more hostile than you imagined it would be. a failed assassination attempt has tempers flaring and sparks flying when it is decided to be safer to sleep alongside feyd. you hate to admit it, but he has played the part of a "protector" better than the guards who were tasked to watch over you. whilst you have been dreading this union all of your life, feyd has been anticipating it. meeting you as children had left him awe-struck. . . and a bit obsessed.

warnings: !SMUT HEAVY IN FUTURE PARTS!, feyd is super overprotective in this fic and kills multiple people in your honor, blood and gore, it's a dark romance folks, political marriage, forced proximity, temporary unrequited love, a lil dubious consent in some scenes, there's a lot of talk about breeding, enemies to lovers (in your mind, not his), there's a "who did this to you" scene, knife play, blood kink, breeding kink heavy, lots of scent marking/marking.

word count: 6.6k

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“Move.” 

He was like an impenetrable wall. 

You attempted yet again to step around Feyd, your outstretched hand just barely brushing against the door before the man turned his body, blocking you from the exit. He stood with his arms crossed, using his much larger frame as a barricade. After the. . . events that transpired last night, the only thing that was on your mind was freedom. You needed breathing room, if only for a few minutes. Feyd had been your shadow for the last three days. He hadn’t left your side even for a second. 

You wanted to trust him, even against your better judgment, so you tried to believe that it was only because he wanted to protect you. There was still that overly cautious voice nagging at you, telling you that he was looking for weaknesses to use against you later. His all-seeing eyes could be sizing you up, making note of how many bites it would take for him to swallow you up whole. The last thing you wanted was to be consumed by this place. . .  Consumed by him.  

The events that had transpired in your guest bedroom four days ago had your suspicions rising, and you needed to be certain that you were just paranoid before you could even begin thinking about your fast approaching wedding ceremony. 

You had feared your impending fate for the entirety of your life. That had always been the one thing that frightened you most, and yet here you were, bruised and battered. It was crazy to believe that there were people on Geidi Prime that were worse than Feyd-Rautha. . . and yet here you were, depending on him for safety. You needed answers. 

How had the guard even entered your room in the first place? 

“I won’t tell you again. Move.” Your jaw ached, teeth grinding together as you tried to keep yourself from striking him across that cocky face of his. 

The skin between his brow bones wrinkled ever-so-slightly as he stared down at you. It was almost as though he was scolding a small child, watching them flail and cry after their punishment had been dealt. Last you had checked, you’d done nothing wrong. Why were your basic rights being revoked after the attempted murder? Why did it feel like you were the one paying the price? 

“Either you come with me and train or you stay in our room until I grab you. You have two choices. Pick one.” The pale Na-Baron almost seemed bored of your antics and you couldn’t blame him. 

You’d been fighting him every chance you got ever since he had forced himself on you last night. A silent vow had been made right then and there: you were going to make his life a living hell, only stopping once you deemed he had done his proper penance. 

“I like neither of those options. Watching you train has done nothing for me. I want to learn-” 

“You don’t need to learn how to fight. Is it not the husband’s duty to protect his wife?” He tilted his head to the side, staring down at you with a hint of concern in his eyes. 

Why was he so obsessed with the idea of protecting you? The most he did while the two of you “trained” was block your onslaught of attacks. Gurney wasn’t afraid to hit you in the sparring ring, even if you ended up injured and butt-hurt. He was blunt and told you the ways that you could improve yourself, meanwhile Feyd had been treating you like you were made of porcelain ever since the assassination attempt. You hated it. With your vocal cords still fried from the strangulation, you were made all too aware of the fact that your fighting skills were subpar. 

You’d tried goading Feyd into attacking you head on many times, but no matter what you said he still held his punches. The difference between his treatment of you and other’s was startling. Someone could look at him wrong and he was immediately jumping down their throats, ready to strike with lethal precision. 

“One day you will have to leave me alone, if even for a few minutes. . . and what then? You can’t always be there-” You were trying desperately to explain, and yet he would hear none of it. He looked almost offended by what you were saying. 

“I will always be here,” He was quick to interject, eyes suddenly wild. “I won’t let anything hurt you again.” 

Realistically you knew that your heart shouldn’t be pounding the way that it was. 

Still, there it was, hammering away in your chest. Every once in a while it was almost as though that dark veil that he had cast over himself was lifted, revealing someone entirely new to you. Someone, as much as you hated to admit it, that was entirely too likable. Loveable, even. His constant changes in personality were starting to give you whiplash. Was he someone completely different when he was around you? Or was he just trying on different faces to see which one you liked better? 

You clenched your fists at your side, trying hard to calm your raging emotions. His actions last night were completely barbaric, and yet you couldn’t forget the softness of his lips. The warmth of his mouth over yours had plagued your dreams and made it impossible to sleep. It was insane of you to feel this conflicted about something. You should hate everything about this man, and yet here he was, promising to be your protector. More than that, he was promising to stick around, which was arguably more terrifying. 

“I’m going then. Will you not be coming with me?” He unfolded his arms, reaching a hand out for you to take. 

It hung there in the space between you two, his pale fingers twitching. For a second you contemplated taking it. Regretfully you realized that you had something that you needed to look into. 

“I’ll stay here,” You faltered when you saw the hint of rejection in his eyes as he let his hand fall back to his side. “My bruises are tender today, so I’ll just take a bath.” 

Why were you trying to make him feel better about your refusal? This was all too confusing. 

“Alright then. I’ll see you in an hour.” And with that he turned on the heel of his boot and walked through the door, careful to close it tightly behind him. 

You breathed a sigh of relief, moving forward so that you could press your forehead against the cool metal. It felt good against your flushed skin. 

“I won’t leave until I hear you slide the lock into place.” His deep voice was muffled behind the thick barrier between the two of you. 

You closed your eyes tightly, sliding your hand against the door until you found the lock, clicking it soundly into place. It must have appeased him, as you heard his retreating footsteps just a second later. 

Time ticked by as you waited to be free of your newfound guardian. The last thing you wanted was to be caught in the hallway sneaking around. Feyd would surely side with his uncle if you were to tell him all about your suspicions, so you’d rather just investigate on your own until you had solid evidence. You wanted to believe that you hadn’t been set up to die, and yet you had this intense gut feeling that this all went even deeper than that. 

Why would they make good on the promised engagement if they just wanted to kill you? It’s not like you were any real threat, other than the fact that you had been blessed with your mother’s gifts. As you were now, you were basically useless, which was a very hard pill to swallow. 

Slowly you unlocked the door, scared that the sound might alert someone. You had slipped the knife you had stolen during your first dinner on Giedi Prime into your belt, hiding it under the flowing black gauze of your blouse for good measure. Even if you were caught, you needed some way to protect yourself. 

The cold metal bit into your skin as you slid the door open, reminding you that you were safe. You will never let anyone hurt you like that again. 

This time you will be ready. 

Two rights and then three lefts. You had memorized the way to go in order to get to the left wing for this very reason. The Baron’s defenses would be tight, but his office would be relatively empty around this time. It was just about lunch, and according to Feyd he would retire to his personal quarters. If you could distract the guards for long enough to slip in, riffle around for information, and then get out. . . you’d be home free. 

You wiped your sweaty palms on your skirt as you walked through the hall, training your expression to one of stony indifference. Modeling it after Feyd’s, you briskly made your way, hoping that the guards would be confused enough to let you pass without so much as a second thought. 

‘I belong here.’ You lied to ourself, trying to bolster your confidence. 

A few men in uniform turned to look after you, but no one stopped you. The way to the baron’s office was completely new to you. Feyd had never taken you this deep into the left wing before- only to get to the grand-hall to show you where the ceremony would be held. It was as large and foreboding as all of the other rooms on the giant estate, but the onyx floors had a certain shine to them as though there were flecks of quartz sprinkled throughout. You didn’t want to admit it at the time, but it was a rather extravagant place to get married. 

You’d nonchalantly asked if the Baron lived in the left wing seeing as the architecture was seemingly more grandiose. He couldn’t have known that you would try to make your way in this direction on your own because he had let it slip: the baron and his office were located very close to the grand-hall. 

“What are you doing over here?” The man’s voice was deeper than Feyd’s, though he was half his size. 

The guard at his side looked to be twice your age, and yet the expression in his eyes made you think that he wouldn’t think twice about ripping your head straight from your shoulders. 

“The Na-Baron asked me to come and get you two.” It felt awkward using Feyd’s title, stuffy even. 

The two blinked a few times in disbelief, looking you up and down as if you were an insignificant worm. It was almost like you could hear their thoughts. You were nothing but a pitiful Atreides, so what were you doing taking orders from someone as important as your soon-to-be husband? They doubted that he would ever confide in you for anything other than warming his bed. 

“He told me that the two men standing in front of the Baron’s office were needed in the training room.” The sooner they were gone the better. 

Their eyebrows furrowed in confusion, slowly looking behind them at the large door they were currently standing in front of. How would you know that this was his uncle’s office unless you were explicitly told? 

“Did he mention why we are needed?” There was still a hint of distrust in the older man’s voice, but it was far overshadowed by fear. 

Feyd was unpredictable. Unpredictability and psychosis made for a dangerous combination. 

“Another guard confided in him yesterday. Said that the two of you said something disrespectful recently and that he wanted to personally have a word with the both of you. I don’t know anything more than that.” You wanted them so frightened that they would completely abandon all reason. They needed to be gone long enough to give you time to properly search the place. 

You watched as their pale faces went a sick shade of pale purple. The two looked like the gossiping type, and if their expressions were anything to go off of then you must be right. They were quick to bow their heads in your direction before jogging off, muttering curses under their breath. 

A second. Two seconds. Three. . . 

You opened the door as slowly as you possibly could, praying that it wouldn’t make a noise. You waited to see if you could hear any movement, wondering whether or not the inside was being watched as well. Thankfully you heard nothing. The room wasn’t as massive as you had been expecting. It was just about as large as the first bedroom you had been placed in was, but somehow it looked even darker. It still had the strangely textured walls and beautiful floors, same as the grand-hall, but there was something unsettling about it. The only light coming in was through the large window that was located in the middle of the room, but the world outside was a slate gray, so even that was dim.  You didn’t have time to look out the large window, no matter how curious you were about your new surroundings. There was something that you had to do. Making a decision on how you should go about this whole predicament was paramount, and you refused to do it after the wedding. 

There was still time to try and contact your parents back home if you had suspicions of a possible murder plot. 

The Baron’s desk was neat, not a speck of dust marring it’s matte black surface. You weren’t looking for anything in particular. . . just something that would put your mind at ease. Confirmation was needed, one way or another. Either Feyd’s uncle was innocent or guilty. Of what? You weren’t quite sure yet. 

You riffled through the papers that sat on the middle of the table, careful to stack them up exactly where they once were. The information in them seemed useless to you. Financial documents- most of them discussing the retrieval of spice. Never once had you stepped foot on Arrakis, so you found them slightly boring at worst and mildly interesting at best. It was then that you started tugging at the very few drawers, knowing that you would be found at any second. There were no sounds emitting from the hallway, but that didn’t mean anything. Most of the people on this planet were freaks of nature it would seem. You suddenly began to doubt that there would be any evidence here of all places. 

Asking the guard that attempted to kill you and his accomplices questions would have been the best route, but your fiance had acted rashly before you even had the chance to catch your breath. The time to give up on your investigation was near. Seconds had turned into minutes. Your heart was pounding up in your throat, making it hard to breathe as you opened the last drawer. 

It turned out that it wasn’t a drawer at all but a small cabinet. You had to crouch down and squint your eyes in the dark to see inside. The contents would have been useless to you in most cases, but something caught your eye. . . and terrified you in ways that you couldn’t quite put into words. 

It was a cabinet filled with marked- 

“Did you see his face? It looked like he was surprised to see us.” The male’s voice had you standing up so fast that a muscle in your neck twitched, resulting in a dull pain shooting up the base of your head. 

You were about to be caught. Any second now they would be back at the door, and where would you hide in the hallway? The billowy skirt that the ladies in waiting had brought to Feyd’s room this morning nearly sabotaged you as you tripped by the door. They were just around the corner, only a few steps away from his office now. 

What would happen if you were caught? Would the wedding be called off? Would you be punished severely? 

You closed the door as quietly as you could behind you, running in the opposite direction that the two begrudged guards were coming from. You only skidded to a stop when you saw that this hallway was also heavily guarded, their backs turned to you. 

This was the worst case scenario. You were running in the opposite direction where you had come, which meant that you had absolutely no clue where you were going. There was no way that you would get out of this without some sort of formal permission, and two guards were already suspicious of you. Oh, and you couldn’t use the Voice if things started going south. 

If you could sink right into the floor, right in this moment, you would. 

The cabinet in the baron’s office was filled with keycards, each labeled with numbers that must correspond to each room. Only two were missing- two keycards that belonged to a room that had been organized on the wall of the right side of the cabinet. Left wing and right wing. The guest rooms were located in the right. 

There was no way that was a coincidence. . . not when you were staying in the right wing the night that you were injured. You had been given a keycard at the very beginning of your stay. Not even your ladies-in-waiting had a way to get into your room by themselves. They had to knock on the door and wait for you to unlock it from the inside for them. 

So if you had one keycard. . . then who had the other? Had someone broken into the Baron’s room just the same as you had, perhaps?  

A sudden grip on your wrist had your mouth falling open, your lungs seizing as you sucked in a breath, your body's natural reaction being to scream. A hand was quick to press to your mouth, muffling whatever sound you could make. The hand belonged to someone tall, their body hard against your back as they ushered you into a small space. They pressed a button on the wall, and all you could do was watch in horror as the door slid closed behind the two of you. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” 

It was pitch black in whatever tight space he had dragged you into. A closet, you surmised. Still, you could hear that his teeth were clenched as he spoke to you, voice deep and low as he whispered. 

Feyd. You hated the fact that you were so relieved that it was him. His presence here meant that you were safe. All you had to do was come up with some sort of lie as to why you were here. Walking alongside him wouldn’t dredge up any suspicions. No one would be the wiser if they saw the Na-Baron giving his soon-to-be bride a tour around the grounds. 

His chest was pressed tight against yours, and suddenly you found it hard to take in a single breath. It felt as though he might press himself straight into your ribcage. . . and maybe you really were going crazy, but you wouldn’t mind it if he did break you. The smoky, spiced scent of him was clouding your judgment. 

You were no longer yourself. 

“It’s none of your business.” You whispered back, trying to make your tone just as ferocious as his was. It lacked bite though, and he seemed to catch the way that your voice faltered ever so slightly. 

“Getting yourself killed the second that I look the other way. . .” He scoffed, and you wished so badly that you could make out his features in the dark. His body moved ever so slightly, as though he was leaning his head back in exasperation. “Do I need to bind your hands and ankles every time I leave the room? Are you that incapable of being without me even for a second?” 

“I got lost.” You hissed, the lie sweet on your honeyed tongue. You were getting better at being despicable. 

“Well, that’s too bad,” His voice softened, almost as though he was speaking to a child. “Getting lost in these halls isn’t hard to do.” 

His grip on your wrists tightened to the point of pain, and for a second fear flashed behind your eyes. You hadn’t feared Feyd since you first arrived on Geidi Prime, and it was as though you were being brutally reminded of just who warmed your bed at night. He could kill you with his bare hands if he wanted to. Those strong fingers were currently immobilizing you now, leaving bruises on your wrist where he held you so ruthlessly. 

“You’re a clever little mouse. What are you doing outside of my uncle’s door, hmm?” His hand freed one of your wrists, instead opting to grip your jaw so that he could move your head up. 

Could. . . could he see you? The breath loosed from your lungs and all you could do was squint your eyes, begging them to adjust to the darkness. He was in his element here, lost to you in the shadows. 

“If the guards caught you then they could deem you to be a spy. You would have been beheaded before I had time to get to you, and I’m sure that they wouldn’t have notified me before the killing took place. They know. . . how I am with you.” He chose his last words very carefully, faltering before he sounded the words out. 

“And how are you? With me, I mean.” You regretted the words as soon as they passed your lips, and yet you were curious. Were you nothing more than a pet to him? A plaything for him to take off of the shelf whenever it suited his mood? Perhaps he saw you as nothing more than a conquest.

Your hand shook as you began digging into your side, searching your belt for the handle of the blade that you had been carrying during your explorations of this labyrinthian prison. Slowly you pulled it out, pressing it against his side. 

You felt his muscles jump under his shirt as he realized you were now brandishing a weapon. His grip was still vicelike around one of your wrists, but he moved again, slowly looking down at his side to see exactly what it was that you were now threatening him with. 

“I could snap your neck right now.” 

“But you won’t.” That was the only thing that you were sure of. It was the only truth that you were clinging onto: Feyd Rautha would not harm you. 

He moved your head to the side, the blade pressing hard into his side as he leaned forward, squeezing the breath straight from your lungs as his hard chest pressed pressed pressed into yours. Your breasts felt as though they might burst and your heart right along with it. He placed a kiss on the side of your neck, causing you to jerk in surprise. 

The knife dug into his side and you paled in horror as you realized what you had done. He groaned, the noise echoing in your ear due to your very forced proximity. You needed space. You needed to breathe. 

“No. I wouldn’t,” His breath was hot against your cheek as he slid his nose along the expanse of your neck. “Not ever.” 

It felt as though something was being pulled taught in your heart. At any second it threatened to tear free. He had galvanized a strange sort of reaction from you- one that you were wholly unfamiliar with. This was all too new and all too much. 

“Let go of me.” Your voice shook pathetically, and while it was a command. . . truly, you were begging him. 

“You’ve finally learned to tolerate me. Or is this developing into something that you weren’t prepared for?” There was something in his voice. . . something that you were entirely confident that he was incapable of displaying: feeling. “Is that why you haven’t been able to look at me since yesterday?” 

“I-I’m angry at you. Why do you think that I would be able to even stomach looking at you after that?” 

He pulled away from your neck, the blade of the knife dislodging itself by a few centimeters with the added distance. He groaned again under his breath, his hand moving your face yet again so that he could get a good look at you. Your jaw ached as his fingers dug in ever so slightly. 

“No, this isn’t the face of anger.” He sounded sure of that. 

And it scared you that he was right. Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried desperately to see him in the darkness. Still, all you saw was black. 

“Then what is it? If you know so much then tell me.” 

“I don’t know. . .” And for a second you thought that you might have won this round somehow. “No one has ever looked at me the way that you do.” 

Your lips parted in shock as you stared up into the darkness. Did he always have to pull the rug right out from under you? Just when you were finally starting to get your bearings, he made you feel so unstable. If both of your hands were free then you would have tangled them in your hair. The arm that gripped your weapon slackened, the blade clattering to the floor beside you. 

“Then I feel sorry for you.” Your eyes pricked with tears, so you closed the useless things. Still, after all of this, you refused to let him see you cry. 

“I know.” He whispered, his voice so gentle that you could weep. 

“And I fear you.” 

“I know.” His forehead pressed against yours. 

“I don’t want this.” 

“I know.” He nuzzled against you, his grip on your wrists finally loosening. He must have known that you wouldn’t try to get away from him. 

The fucked up thing was that it felt as though your feet had grown roots, tying you to the spot. All it would take was one good shove and you would be free of him and the closet. And yet. . . 

And yet. . . 

“I could have sworn I saw someone over here.” The voice outside in the hallway made you jump, your eyes shooting open. 

You hadn’t been as careful as you thought you had been. Feyd’s earlier statement was coming back to haunt you. They would have you killed, uncaring as to whether or not you even made it into the bastard’s room. Whatever purpose you had for being in this area would be nefarious in everyone else’s mind. What were you even doing here in the first place? Your suspicions were unfounded, and more likely than not you would have found absolutely nothing to substantiate them. Would your parents be able to retrieve your body? Or would they just burn you without even sending a letter back home? 

Feyd’s hand slid up the base of your neck, gripping at your hair. Did he not understand how much danger you were in? Maybe he didn’t care afterall. His knee slid between your legs, forcing them open. 

“What are you doing?” You gripped at the back of his shirt, trying to pull him away from you, hoping that there was some place in this cramped space that you could hide. The voices were getting even closer now, searching for where they thought that you might be hiding. It was only a matter of time before they found you. 

“Saving your life.” He captured your lips in a bruising kiss, his hand sliding out of your hair so that he could begin undoing the front of your blouse. You could hear the sheer fabric of your tunic ripping beneath his hands in his desperate attempt to get to you. 

All you could do was grip onto him for dear life, unable to free yourself to even utter a cry. You were unsure as to how doing this would save you, but you were losing the ability to care much at all. If these were going to be your final moments then so be it. 

So you gave in to the desire. You gave into the wanting and the needing. You fed the ache that had been plaguing you. 

Your lips moved against his, parting so that you could fully taste him. His hands felt firm on your chest as he finally was able to tear you free of the cloth. The air was cold on your hot chest, and yet his hands were scalding against your skin. You tried to remind yourself that none of this was right, but it wasn’t working. His tongue lapped at the roof of your mouth and your own brushed up to meet his. 

More. More. You needed more of him. 

Your hands shook as they began pushing up at the fabric of his training gear. The breathable fabric stretched as you pressed your hand against his chest, finally allowing yourself to feel the hard planes of his muscles. You felt his stomach tighten as your fingers glided along his skin. You were unsure as to what you were searching for, but your body was acting on pure instinct. Your fingers reached up and up until they finally slid free of the fabric at his collar bones only to wrap around his throat.

He groaned into your mouth, his thumb brushing against your nipple. It hardened in response to the sudden attention it was getting. His knee pressed further against your thighs, spreading your legs out further for him until he was finally at the apex of your thighs. His hand flew from your breast to your hips, moving them for you against him. The friction caused your head to roll back against the wall behind you, disrupting the kiss as pleasure rocked through you. Never in your life had you ever felt anything quite like this. 

He continued to rock you back against his thigh, and while you couldn’t see him, you could feel his eyes on your face. He was watching you intently, hell bent on doing whatever it was that he wanted to do to your body. You were unsure of his goal and yet you didn’t care. Something was building inside of you- a sound, a cry, a sob. . . you weren’t certain. It just felt so good. Too good. 

He must have seen your lips part and was quick to press a kiss against them in an attempt to muffle the sound. Your knees felt weak beneath you, and if it wasn’t for his dutiful hands that gripped at your thighs then you were sure that you would have fallen ages ago. 

You remembered how he had felt against you the other night and you wondered if that was a reaction that you had somehow unknowingly caused. You wanted to feel him again. You wanted to know whether or not he was enjoying himself, so you freed his neck and instead pressed your hand against the front of his pants. What had gotten into you? What were you even doing? 

But he was hard against your hand and that was enough for you to begin rocking your hips against his knee without his prompting hands. 

The feeling of your tiny palm cupping him through his pants was more than enough. His hips jerked forward, his eyes flying open at the realization that the object of his lifelong obsessions was willingly touching him like this. He was going to fuck you in this closet if the two of you weren’t found. Feyd didn’t want it to happen like this. . . but he was losing what little control he had left. 

He loved you he loved you he loved you he loved you he loved you he loved you. 

“I-” 

The door flew open the second he opened his mouth, the bright light momentarily blinding him. His body moved on its own, Feyd’s hands moving from your hips up to your shoulders so that he could turn you, using his body to shield you from view. His chest moved up and down rapidly as he gulped down breaths, trying hard to calm himself and his pounding heart. 

There was an unfamiliar man holding the door to the closet, eyes wide as he took in the site of the two of you. It took him a few seconds to really register what was going on in the small broom closet, and then another to fully grasp the fact that he had made a grave mistake. 

“I-I-I had no clue it was you, sir.” The uniformed man stepped back, trying to show the Na-Baron respect. 

You watched in real time as something pure and terrifying bled its way into Feyd’s expression. It had chills running up your spine. 

“Turn your gaze away from her.” His voice was so low that you could barely understand what he was saying. “Now.”The other male quickly got the hint, turning his entire body to face the other direction. His back was ram-rod straight and you watched with a slack jaw as his knees began to quiver. 

You wouldn’t want to turn your back on a rabid beast either. 

“Just get me out of here. Please.” You spoke as quietly as you could, covering the scraps of material that used to be your blouse tight to your exposed chest. 

Killing the random guard in plain sight would attract a small crowd. You watched as Feyd weighed his options, and you bet that the two blades that were still strapped to his back were calling out to him. 

Silently Feyd pulled you out of the closet, holding you so tightly to his chest that your arm became uncomfortably pinned against you. 

The two of you walked through the halls silently, his eyes burning holes into the faces of anyone that even glanced in your direction. The embarrassment of being so exposed in front of everyone had you crawling out of your own skin. No one had seen you naked before- aside from the women that had been tasked to take care of you over the years. All you could do to try and keep yourself from crying was stare down at the floor, watching the pale man’s black boots make their way soundlessly through the halls. Everything he did was so graceful it seemed. 

The blood drained from your face as you were suddenly reminded of the fact that he had seen your chest completely exposed. He’d felt you, kissed you, and pleasured you nearly to the point of your undoing. 

And you had let him. You put up no resistance at all. 

Even worse, you wanted him to do all of those things to you. If you hadn’t been caught then how far would you have let things continue? In that moment you realized that you would have let him take you. You knew yourself well enough to know that you would have let him take your virginity in a broom closet. 

“No one is looking at you,” He seemed to sense your sudden mortification somehow. “I promise. I’d kill them otherwise.” And you knew he was telling the truth. He was probably taking an internal tally of anyone that started for too long, only so that he could circle back for them later. 

All you could do was nod your head and follow him down the hall, stopping only when he reached into his pocket and grabbed his own keycard, letting the two of you back into your room. 

You kept your chest covered with your hands as the two of you broke away. You knew that it was pointless, but the moment was gone and your panic had returned tenfold. 

“Now tell me,” He turned to face you and you watched as his lips turned down at the corners in slight disappointment when he noticed your sudden modesty. “What were you doing over there? Be honest.” 

You couldn’t be honest and it pained you to know that. Feyd was still a Harkonnen. He was loyal to them, not an Atreides. 

“Why did you kiss me?” You were answering a question with another question, but you needed to know. Urgently. 

He licked his lips, as though he was being reminded of the moment. “No one would ask questions.” 

Anger struck you hard in the gut. He had used the moment as a distraction? You felt like an idiot, already regretting the fact that you had allowed him to use your body like that. 

“I didn’t mean to take it that far. It’s becoming harder and harder to control myself.” He must have noticed the hurt in your eyes. “I want you. Not because we are getting married. . . but because I want you.” He was being uncharacteristically emotional today. 

You weren’t sure what that statement truly meant, but it seemed heavy- heavy enough that you felt the need to be more forthcoming with him. 

“I was trying to make my way into the Baron’s office.” A half truth, then. It was easier than telling him everything. “But it was locked.” 

Feyd’s eyes never left your face. They were much softer than they had been in the hallway, almost as though all of the hatred had melted away completely. He looked at you like he cared for you. . . and that was scary. 

“I don’t know why it hurts so much. . . but it does.” His voice was flat, almost as though he was distracted while he continued to watch you. “I know you’re lying to me. My uncle’s office is only ever locked after dinner, which is for safety reasons.” 

You had to bite your bottom lip to keep it from quivering. 

“Only my uncle has clearance to get into that room. The guards in the left wing only ever act on mine or the Baron’s orders. They’re all loyal to a fault. . . so tell me. Did you get into his office?” 

You completely ignored his line of questioning, distracted by something he had said. 

“So none of them would allow someone other than the Baron himself to enter that room?” Your voice shook with fear, your eyes widening as all the pieces started coming together. 

“No,” He looked confused as your lips parted in a silent scream. “What? What is that face for?” 

You felt more alone than you ever had in your entire life. He was out to kill you. . . There would be no escaping this place alive. Your parents had been set up and had given you away to murderers- 

“The guard that tried to kill me. . .” You couldn’t keep your voice from shaking. “What wing did he belong to?” 

Feyd’s muscles went rigid beneath his shirt, as though he was just now coming to some conclusions of his own. “The left.” 

The breath was knocked from your lungs as the full weight of everything crashed into you. 

You were stuck on an alien planet with no way home, Feyd Rautha was going to become your husband in just two days, you wanted Feyd so badly it hurt you. . . 

And his uncle was plotting to kill you. 

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

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[venusbyline]

Envy ࿐ྂ Kinktober. 02, oct.

— pairing: Aegon II Targaryen x sister!reader

— type: smut, dark, Kinktober (House of the Dragon Edition)

— kink: breeding

— summary: After Jaehaerys' murder, Aegon needs a new heir. His sister-wife is incapacitated by grief and you are the perfect choice to carry the next king.

— word count: 3.2k

— tags/warnings: kinktober 2nd day, Targcest (older brother/younger sister), Targaryen!reader, dark!Aegon, breeding kink, dubcon, loss of virginity, degradation, blood, creampie, sexism, overstimulation, slapping, sadism, dom!Aegon, sub!reader, minor Helaegon, porn with plot. no use of y/n. english is not my first language.

— tagging list: @baybaybear1 @blessedbymoon @p45510n4f4shi0n

— crossposting: AO3

We must to say that Aegon II being furious about the murder of his heir was an euphemism. He ordered all ratcatchers should be executed and he wasn’t worried at all about the negative impact this might have on his image as King. He didn't care if the commoners would consider him a cruel man or not, he wasn't worried if the Small Council or even his own mother would give him an unbearable lecture.

Seven Hells, Aegon was the King. He sat on The Iron Throne. He should have the right to decide how to deal or not with grieving for his son. His little boy. His heir. His Jaehaerys.

Aegon needed an heir. He needed someone who would be dignified of sitting on The Iron Throne. Someone who would be brave and strong like Jaehaerys could have been if he had lived long enough to be an adult. Someone who wouldn't be so fragile and stupid like Jaehaera would probably be over the years. Someone who would be a man.

He needed breed another boy and ensure his bloodline on the Throne. However, just one look inside the shared chamber was enough to see that Helaena couldn't stand it. Even with the candles already out, Aegon could see her disheveled hair and the way she was lying on the bed, curled up like a ball, her big eyes staring at the windows of the room. She wasn't sleeping, but she didn't look alive either.

At worst, Aegon could force her into the act. But he wasn't in the mood to be so cruel, at least not with Helaena, not like this anymore. Despite doesn't loving his sister-wife, Aegon knew she was suffering too. Maybe even more than him. She was traumatized and it was clear. Having sex with her in that state would be exceeding a limit that he already promised himself wouldn't happen again. Not with her.

The King sighed, closing the door and leaving Helaena alone for her sake. He walked aimlessly through the castle's hallways for more than five minutes, trying to think about any alternative to that whole mission.

When he saw one of Alicent's maids walking around with a pile of dresses in her hands, a slightly macabre idea crossed his mind. The young man held the woman by the arm, while staring at her scary face with a cold gaze. "Take my other sister to my special accommodation. Immediately. And don't you dare tell anyone about this, unless you want to end up hanging just like those bastards rat-catching."

Aemond's twin sister was a complicated little thing in Aegon's life. You were sweet and naive like Helaena, but unlike his sister-wife when they were forced to marry, the youngest girl cultivated real affection for Aegon. Even more than for her own twin.

"Brother?" You asked confused as soon as the maid left you into Aegon's forbidden room with a worried look. You didn't know much about that specific chamber, just that Aegon didn't allow anyone to enter there without his permission. You had also heard many whispers through the hallways that indicated sometimes Aegon brought his favorite courtesans there to get more pleasure, away from the chaos of the brothels on the Street of Silk.

Your eyes narrowed, analyzing the dimly lit place with a keen curiosity, until you finally heard your older brother's voice coming out of the shadows.

"Rytsas, my little dove. You look beautiful tonight." Aegon whispered with a hoarser voice than usual, lighting some candles that were nearby.

The girl blushed at the routine pet name, smiling softly at her brother. "Kirimvose, Your Grace." Then you watched Aegon's tired face and swallowed hard before speaking. "I want to express my profound condolences about Jaehaerys again..." The same speech he had heard most during those last hours filled Aegon's ears and he grimaced, but he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing you were just being kind and genuine. His beautiful and sweet little sister...

"Enough. We won't talk about my son's death now." Aegon murmured, trying so hard not to sound too cold, and gestured to the large bed next to him. "Sit with me, my little dove. I need to talk to you..."

You furrowed, fidgeting with your fingers by a bit of agony. Things were really weird that night. When your mother's maid called you with some urgency saying that the King wanted to see you, you thought Aegon just wanted someone to talk about Jaehaerys's grief. You were one of the few people who seemed to understand his suffering and the weight the crown was bringing to his mind. But now, being inside Aegon's forbidden room didn't seem like very appropriate, especially when Aegon wasn't in his best mental state.

"Brother... I don't know if-" Aegon interrupted you with a shout.

"DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY ORDERS!"

Your violet eyes filled with tears as you nodded and moved to the mattress, sitting next to your dear brother. That wasn't normal. Aegon never yelled at you like you were a mediocre servant. You were his favorite person... "Look, darling, I didn't mean to yell at you..." Aegon began, sighing and caressing your cold fingers. "I just... I need your help, do you understand? I need you to listen very carefully and not interrupt me. No stupid questions until I finish explaining myself."

Aegon took his sister's silence as a good sign and took another deep breath, moving his free hand to your delicate face, his calloused thumb touching your soft skin.

"You know how much I love you, hāedar. You're my favorite sister and I would never want to cause you any harm..." He whispered, his fingers playing with one of your blonde curls. Aegon didn't have much opportunity to see his sister with her hair unbraided, as Alicent always insisted that her daughters just undo their hairstyles during bedtime. And here he was, biting his lip as he watched how beautiful you looked without those stupid hairpins. "I don't want to hurt you, little one... The thought of hurting you in any way doesn't make me proud. I would never want that..." Aegon moved close enough so that his mouth were close to your ear, one of his hands still touching your chin and the other one playing with her blonde strands. "But I guess you know me well enough to know that I will spare no effort in punishing you if you don't understand me or don't obey me."

Aegon noticed how his sister was shaking, sitting on the mattress and trying hard to keep her eyes on him, trying her best to pretend to be confident despite the situation. The realization of what you could face was starting to become clearer by the minute, and you didn't know how to feel. Angry? Hurt? Afraid? Horny?

"I need an heir, my little dove. I need a son to sit on the Iron Throne after my death in the future..." Aegon practically purred in his sister's ear, the fingers that was touching her chin starting to go down to her collarbone, quite exposed by her nightgown "I can't let my bloodline end."

"But Jaehaera..." The girl tried to argue, but Aegon pulled roughly a strand of her hair, forcing her head back and making her whining with surprise and pain.

"I told you not to interrupt me with stupid questions until I finish speaking. Are you deaf?" Aegon growled impatiently. "Only a mindless king would allow a woman, such a stupid, fragile and influenceable creature to be part of the line of succession and rule a kingdom."

You swallowed hard, his words reminding you of Rhaenyra, your half-sister who you barely got the chance to get close to before the war. "Jaehaera's just a little girl, a child."

Aegon snorted, rolling his eyes. "And in the future she will be as foolish and fearful as Helaena always was. A daughter will always follow the same fate as her mother. It's inevitable. You women are born premeditated to suffering and failure. There's no other path for all of you than the pain of never be good enough."

Not knowing what to do, the princess bit her soft, pink lips, each piece of the puzzle that fit together making it harder for her to reason. Aegon smirked, feeling horny at the sight of your thoughts working hard to understand the complexity of what he was about to ask.

"Helaena's incapacitated at the moment, perhaps forever. I can't sleep with her in that state, it would be cruel for both of us." His argument made you nod slowly. In fact, you really didn't want your older sister to submit herself to a carnal act under such conditions, especially during the mourning phase. "I need a dignified Lady to bear my heir. A fertile, pure girl, with platinum hair. No one will ever even know that the boy will not be a result of my marriage with our sister."

Aegon distanced himself for a few seconds, analyzing you over from top to bottom, admiring your satin nightgown. He moistened his slightly chapped mouth, the feeling of his body starting to react to the sight of you was very tempting. So beautiful to the point that he even forgot Jaehaerys for a while, as well as forgetting his obligations as King and the only true need to bring another heir.

"Have you had your first... Blood, right?" Aegon questioned, and his rosy cheeks didn't go unnoticed by you. He was embarrassed to ask about such a feminine subject, even though he knew it was necessary to know if you were able to bearing children for him. Otherwise it would all be a waste of time. At least that's what you thought.

"Yes, lēkia, I had. A few years ago I started to... Flowering."

The smirk on Aegon's face returned just as quickly as his hands began to touch the soft skin of your thighs, the calluses on his fingers making you sigh by a mixture of surprise and hesitation. "That's great, little dove. Now I need you to be a good girl for me."

Aegon dreamed about fucking the youngest princess so many times that it was impossible to count the number of promiscuous dreams on his own fingers. He always imagined what it would be like having his face buried between her legs. What it would be like eating her out as she trembled and came on his face. What it would be like seeing her gag as he fucked her throat hard until those beautiful, innocent eyes filled with tears.

Ever since you grew up, Aegon dreamed about defiling you. Corrupting you. Making you his. His property, someone no other man could touch unless they wanted their necks cut off. However, nothing in the entire world could compared to that intoxicating feeling of power, knowing he wouldn't only take your virginity, but also do something much more prestigious than that... He was making you the mother of his new heir. He was giving you the honor of carrying the next Targaryen King in your own womb, the one who would succeed him and sit on the Iron Throne in the future.

"F-fuck, hāedar... You're squeezing my cock so hard..." Aegon chuckled amidst the moans, holding his sister's legs on top of his shoulders so he was sure she was feeling every inch with each thrust.

You grabbed the bed sheets, the dim lighting in the room making it difficult for your vision to stay completely focused. All you could see through the unfamiliar haze of pleasure was Aegon's body moving fast as he held your legs up, his heavy hands squeezing the flesh of your thighs by an attempt to steady himself. Despite everything, you knew he was holding back from being too violent.

"A-Aegon..." You whimpered, throwing your head back and closing your eyes. "It feels so good..."

Another low mockery escaped Aegon's lips. "It feels good, doesn't it, little sister? I told you..." He smirked almost devilishly, now only using one hand to keep you in that position, the other pressing one of your breasts as you squirmed due his rough touch. "Seven hells... I can't wait to see your tasty breasts full of milk, very hefty..."

You couldn’t help but moan again at Aegon’s dirty words. The image he placed in your head, making you arouse as you pictured yourself carrying the next Targaryen King in your womb, your body molding itself to bring him into the world.

"Oh, did you like that?" It was Aegon's turn to moan, almost whimpered, when he felt your pussy reacting to what he said, your walls practically crushing him. "You spoiled little cunt... Are you enjoying picturing yourself carrying my heir? And perhaps even more children?"

When you didn't answer him immediately, due to your brain that was still trying to get used to the pleasure and discomfort that was being fucked for the first time, Aegon caught your attention with a slap on your face with considerable strength, to the point of his wedding ring causes a small cut on your warm cheek.

"ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!" Aegon ordered with a hoarse yell, stopping moving his hips, as a way of punishing you and at the same time attracting your attention to what he was saying.

"M-my apologies, My King!" Your pathetic whimper sounded like music to Aegon's ears, the corners of his mouth pulling up in a mischievous smile. "Yes, I am... I'm enjoying picturing myself like this..."

Your admission was all he needed to keep fucking you. But Aegon already seemed bored by the same position, turning you onto your stomach with agility, barely giving time for your brain to process what was happening until he had returned inside you, the chambers filling with your surprise moans as his cock fills you again.

“Shit, I could fuck you for hours…” Aegon gripped your hips tightly, your skin starting to feel sore. "I bet you always envied Helaena for that, didn't you, little sister? You always envied the fact that she's the queen consort and for the time being you're nothing special... Just a stupid little princess."

His provocation caused a pang in your heart. Well, in a way, that was true. You knew the heavy burden that Helaena had carried since she was a child because she was forced to marry the older brother. Sometimes you heard her venting about how happier she was before she was a queen... And now because Jaehaerys' murder, you were sure that being married to the King brought more harm than good. And yet, you envied her.

"You're right..." You admitted with a bit of tears in your eyes. It was a confession you wanted to keep secret until your death, but you knew it would be impossible. You felt how Aegon's cock was starting to throb inside your pussy. The sounds he made and the faster but more irregular lunges indicating how close to the limit he already was. If you didn't tell him the truth soon, you would probably get more slaps on the cheeks. Or worse. "I envied her... I still envy her..."

Aegon let out an almost guttural growl, his fingers moving to your scalp, where he pulled violently, forcing your head back and also arching your back. "I'm going to put an heir inside your hot little pussy, do you understand me, you fucking whore? I'm going to cum inside you until my seed starts dripping out because you will be so full. And you're going to take every drop, then you will thank me for getting you pregnant, do you understand?" He growled in your ear and started fucking you deeper.

There was no concrete response, your body was focused on shaking and writhing with the pleasure that abruptly hit you, but Aegon interpreted your orgasm and your silent and desperate moan as agreement, enjoying the feeling of your pussy squeezing him even more than before, spilling all of his essence inside you afterwards.

You remained unfocused, your vision blurred and your heart racing. A few minutes passed before Aegon withdrew, a gasp of pleasure escaping his lips at having the gift of witnessing your little hole dripping with his seed and a few drops of blood too, consequences of the loss of your innocence. He ran his finger over your center, ignoring the tremor in your legs and bringing the exotic flavors blend to his own tongue and tasting it.

"Are you alright, my little dove?" Aegon whispered with a soft voice, a contrast to his previous behavior. He watched you nod slowly, your lungs straining to bring your breathing to normal. Aegon smiled, laying down next to you and pulling your sweaty, shaking body to snuggle on top of his chest. “You did very well, little sister… You were so good for me. Such a good girl." He placed a soft kiss on your forehead. "What's a good princess supposed to say after getting pregnant by the King?"

Your cheeks heated up as you processed his speech. "Thank you for breeding me, Your Grace." Your words came out breathless and tired, but Aegon's smile widened and his hands caressed your belly.

"You will look so pretty pregnant with my heir..." His lips touched your neck, giving you goosebumps. "My future heir, my legacy..."

You just nodded, about to close your eyes before he stopped the sleep you were about to fall into. "We will try this every night until we're sure you're pregnant."

"And what about Helaena?" You managed to question, confused about how your sister would react to all of this.

Aegon looked at the wall, considering some alternatives for a while. "Helaena won't be a problem for us. If everything goes well, in a few months I will be free to get married again." He said, staring at the tower closed window, both of you hearing the soft breath of the night wind. He cared about Helaena, even if he didn't show it, but perhaps that was better for everyone, especially her.

Your eyebrows furrowed for a few seconds, your heart aching for the macabre meaning of what Aegon was promising to you.

"But what if... What if something goes wrong? What if I get pregnant with a girl?"

Aegon looked at your after hearing the whispered question. His gaze was cold, as if it could tear your entire soul apart. You expected curses or anything even more violent and brutal. However, Aegon surprised you when he ran his thumb over his tongue. You didn't understand why he did that, until you let out a low whimper when he pressed the cut on your cheek, the spit on his finger burning your newly bruised skin.

A faint but sinister and almost disgusting smirk appeared on the King's features. "My dear little sister, if you disgrace me by becoming pregnant with a girl instead of a worthy heir... You will suffer a far worse and more painful fate than poor Helaena." His voice was bittersweet, like a calm threat. Perhaps you were right to envy Helaena after all.

HOTD Edition - Masteslist

Criminal Minds Edition - Masterlist

Venusbyline's Kinktober 2024 - Masterlist

[happyyyandcrazyyy]

love and tattoos (kaz brekker x reader)

summary: in which jesper has a theory and kaz might be the matching tattoos kind of guy.

or

it’s two small words, a raven and a crow, a broken lock and a key, and a band around their ring finger.

or

“He has to be drunk, or high, or something, because there is absolutely no way he’s just seen a band of ink around Kaz’s ring finger.”

warnings: brief panic attack (not detailed), mentions of wounds and blood (not detailed, canon typical), set in the future, kaz has worked on his touch aversion

kaz taglist: @the-tpd-bau @ellievickstar @thestudiouswanderer | soc taglist: @ancientbeing10 (if you want to be added or removed from the taglist just dm me!)

a/n: here i am, once again, because apparently im incapable of stopping myself from writing for kaz brekker. i have so many wips but kaz always calls to me😭😭 this one was so much fun to write, it just flowed, and i hope you enjoy it just as much as i did!!

i. a band of ink around his ring finger, part one.

Jesper must be hallucinating, he has to be. He blinks once, twice, looks down at the drink in his hand, briefly wonders if it’s been laced with some sort of drug powerful enough to have his brain imagining things— because Jesper does not have the imagination to be making this up, he wishes he did —and then looks back up. The ink remains in place. Nope, no way. He shakes his head, presses his eyes shut. He has to be drunk, or high, or something, because there is absolutely no way he’s just seen a band of ink around Kaz’s ring finger.

It’s not the tattoo itself that shocks Jesper. Although, maybe it does freak him out a bit, a band around the ring finger can only mean one thing, and Jesper has never believed Kaz to be the marrying type. (Then again, he never thought him to be the matching tattoos kind of guy, and the last couple of months have had him discovering that Kaz very much could be.) No, what makes Jesper spiral is that he’s seen that exact same tattoo on (Y/N)’s own ring finger.

ii. you break, i mend.

Jesper has seen the tattoo on the inside of (Y/N)’s left wrist more times than he can count.

The word ‘mend’ in all lowercase, the typography delicate and elegant, the font somewhat rounded. Jesper has never asked what it means— because everyone in the Barrel has been branded, either by choice or against their will, and Jesper knows the black ink carries memories, promises and pain, he knows better than to ask —but he thinks it’s fitting for her, both the word and the style. Because (Y/N) is a gentle force, someone who provides emotional care to those close to her, a fixer. She loves proudly and deeply, and Jesper has never met someone in this wretched place that is so unafraid to be kind. He doesn’t know what she does to remain untainted, to keep her soul so pure in spite of their line of work. He envies it, sometimes. But then he’ll hear muted sobs through the thin walls, wake up at the sound of screams caused by nightmares, and he’ll wonder if feeling and caring that much is even worth it.

Jesper doesn’t think much about (Y/N)’s tattoo— it’s pretty and it suits her, and, yeah, he gets the desperate need to ask for a backstory whenever he catches a glimpse of it, but never does. There’s nothing more to it. That is until he spies a word on Kaz’s own wrist.

He only sees the tattoo because Kaz takes his gloves off. That doesn’t happen very often, if at all. But it’s the hottest day of summer they’ve had in Ketterdam in years, and they’ve been out in the sun all day, so Jesper is only mildly surprised when they reach Kaz’s office and he takes the black gloves off. What does take him completely off guard, however, is the inked word on his right wrist, partially hidden by the sleeves of his shirt.

‘BREAK’. In uppercase, with jagged and fragmented lettering. Jesper only catches a glimpse before Kaz twists away and the ink is completely sheltered by his clothes, but he’s almost sure the tattoo has some sort of optical effect, makes it seem like the words have been shattered, all sharp and angular lines.

Kaz is saying something and Inej is responding, and it’s probably important and he definitely should be paying attention, but Jesper’s mind is elsewhere because (Y/N)’s delicate tattoo suddenly comes to mind. The similarities are just right there and now all Jesper can think about is how odd of a coincidence it is that (Y/N) and Kaz have mirror tattoos. Same place, but opposite wrist. A single word, one neat and elegant, the other harsh and precise. Jesper does not believe in coincidences, but it can’t be anything else— because believing it to be something else would mean believing Kaz to be a matching tattoos type of person and Jesper would bet his guns against that —so he simply ponders over the possible coincidence, just for a quick second, before Kaz is directing questions towards him and Jesper is forced to shove the information in the back of his mind.

He ends up forgetting about it. Not forgetting forgetting, more so in the way he forgets his debts until there are collectors knocking on his door. The information is there, stored in some corner of his brain, ready to be brought back into his consciousness with just the right push.

The right push comes a Saturday night, two months after he first notices Kaz’s tattoo.

(Y/N) is out on a job. Jesper doesn’t know any of the details— not the target, nor the entry and exit routes, nothing at all —but he knows something is wrong because Kaz has been pacing for the last half hour.

“She should be back by now,” is all Kaz says when he asks. He doesn’t really need to say more. Jesper feels the way his chest constricts, panic slowly building. (Y/N) is never late.

Just as Jesper feels like he’s about to start pacing himself, the door of the Slat opens. She’s got her hood on, doesn’t look up from the floor when she walks in. There’s a certain drag in her limbs, something that tells Jesper that something is wrong, wrong, wrong.

“Where the fuck were you?” The words aren’t directed towards him, but Jesper cannot help but flinch. Kaz doesn’t get like this often, cold and harsh because he’s worried, so the job must’ve been important, high stakes, the type where survival isn’t assured.

(Y/N) looks up, and it’s only then that Jesper notices the blood. It’s everywhere. It drips down the slope of her nose, it trails down her lips. She walks closer and with the change of light he notices that it’s also embedded in her clothes. The most disturbing thing, however, are her eyes. Glassy, distant, unseeing. She’s shaking. Full body tremors.

By his side, Kaz deflates completely at the sight of her. He’s already moving towards her when she whispers brokenly, “I’m sorry.”

The apology goes ignored, “Where are you hurt?” Kaz asks. He reins his panic well enough, but Jesper can still taste the traces of it, they float around in the air.

(Y/N) doesn’t move, doesn’t acknowledge Kaz as he comes to stand right in front of her, trying his best to assess for injuries. It’s hard when all there is to see is blood.

“I’m not hurt,” she responds, and it’s like she’s in a trance, capable of responding but not truly present. Jesper furrows his brows, catches the concerned look on Kaz face. Does she not realize she’s covered in blood? She raises her hand to gesture at herself, and it’s only when she does so that Jesper notices the blade. She waves it around. It’s stained red, all the way to the handle. “Blood’s not mine.”

Jesper freezes. Kaz stops dead on his tracks, too.

Kaz looks back at him and understanding passes through them. She snapped. Something made her snap.

It seems like she’s just processing it, too, because a second after she mutters those words the knife falls from her hand and her knees wobble. It’s like Kaz had been expecting the sudden crash, because he’s quick to help her down. He grabs her by the sleeves of her tunic and sits her on the floor, back against the wall.

Her breathing begins to come out hard and labored, she clutches at her chest, hard.

“Look at me,” Kaz instructs, but she’s not here anymore. Jesper cannot help the way fear courses through him at the sight of her faraway eyes and the sound of her disordered breaths. He’s only ever seen (Y/N) like this once before, and even then, it hadn’t been this bad, she’d been responsive to Kaz, and very much able to breathe properly. Right now, not even Kaz’s words are cutting through the haze.

The wheezing becomes louder, more intense. The more she panics, the less she breathes, the more Jesper feels like he, himself, isn’t capable of getting air into his lungs. Kaz keeps talking, but she doesn’t seem to hear him.

“I can’t—” Her lips are slowly losing color.

Jesper is still frozen in place, and he can tell that Kaz is also beginning to panic by the way he grabs her clothed hand and presses it against his own chest.

“Breathe,” he orders. Insistent, firm. Kaz’s words leave no room for argument and (Y/N) reacts accordingly. Like it’s instinct to do as Kaz says, she takes in a deep breath, ragged.

“Good girl.” Kaz’s hand, the one that isn’t on top of (Y/N)’s own, pressed against his chest, hovers over her cheek. He ends up grabbing the end of the hood that still partially covers her face. “One more time.”

She repeats the action, another deep breath, interrupted by a brief coughing fit.

“You’re okay, match my breaths.” She nods weakly and does as best she can, eyes shut. The hand that is on Kaz’s chest has become a fist, rumpling his shirt. She holds onto him like a lifeline.

“I’ll get her water,” he finds himself saying.

Kaz doesn’t turn to look at him, “Bring a wet cloth, too.”

Jesper nods and slips out of the room and into the kitchen. He feels like he’s having an out of body experience, his body working automatically on pouring tap water in a glass, on finding a clean cloth. His mind is miles away.

Saints.

It’s disconcerting to see someone as serene and put together as (Y/N) so rattled and distraught. He feels disoriented, like the world has shifted off his feet. He’s never seen her snap so badly that she ends up spiraling into a panic attack. Jesper doesn’t know much about her past, but Kaz had once mentioned something about a complicated upbringing, about being raised as a weapon not a child. He doesn’t want to begin to imagine what he’d meant.

The soft murmur of words brings him back to reality, grounds him and guides him once again into his body.

“Are you with me?”

No response, but Jesper imagines that she must’ve nodded because he hears the soft sigh of relief that Kaz lets out.

It’s quiet for a little while, Jesper focuses on the sound of water flowing through the cloth in his hands, the feeling of it getting damper.

“I’m sorry.” The words come out soft, filled with emotion and embarrassment.

“None of that.”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“I know. It’s okay.”

The silence lingers before being filled by quiet noises. Jesper has heard her sobs through his wall enough times to identify them. His heart tightens painfully.

“It’s okay,” Kaz repeats, softer this time. It’s a tone Jesper has never heard him use with anyone else.

“There were children, Kaz,” Jesper has to strain to make out the words, they’re muffled by something, “little kids. And it just reminded me of… I couldn’t...”

“I know.”

A sniffle, “I’m sorry,” followed by a broken laugh, soft and sad. “I’m a mess.”

Jesper turns off the faucet, twists the cloths to remove any excess of water. He grabs the glass of water with one hand and the cloth with the other and then, just, waits. He knows this conversation is not one he should be present for, he doesn’t want to be present.

It’s a good thing, too, that he doesn’t make his way towards them, because he’s pretty sure he would’ve stumbled and dropped everything at the next words that fall out of Kaz’s mouth.

“If you break, I mend, remember?”

(mend

BREAK)

Jesper places the glass of water on the kitchen counter and blinks once, twice.

Saints be damned.

Kaz might be the matching tattoos type of person.

iii. a raven and a crow

The matching tattoo theory, as Jesper likes to refer to it, remains just that, a theory. Because Jesper has no real way of proving it, not unless he finds the will to ask (Y/N)— which he just can’t do, she’s so open about everything that prodding just feels unfair —or unless he brings his curiosity to Kaz— which might just end up with him losing a finger, and Jesper likes his limbs just as they are, thank you very much. So, for now, it’s merely speculation, something that could be played off as a coincidence. And he thinks it must be a coincidence, right? Matching tattoos are too sentimental for someone like Kaz. (Then again, he has always been different when it comes to (Y/N), so maybe Jesper shouldn’t be that surprised.) And they aren’t matching tattoos, not really, they are more like, well, mirror ones. It’s different. Probably nothing. He might be connecting dots where there’s absolutely nothing to connect.

He can’t help the way he begins to observe more, trying to find anything to sustain or disprove his theory. It’s only natural, he tells himself, Jesper is nothing if not a curious man.

It’s only because he becomes so attuned to them, and whatever that thing is that they have going on, that Jesper notices little things.

“Inej?”

“Good.”

Kaz keeps on making roll call, making sure all of them are there and unharmed.

“Jes?”

“Very much alive,” he grunts in response, letting himself flop into the haystack. His heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest, but at least it’s still beating. He cannot believe a blizzard of all things is what saved their lives.

He looks to his left. Even Inej looks slightly winded. She pats the pocket of her coat, sags in relief immediately after. Jesper does the same, touches his inner pocket, feels the edges of the glass key, and sighs.

The goods are safe.

“Nina?”

“Here.” Her cheeks are rosy. Jesper isn’t sure if it’s because of the dreadful cold or the exertion.

There’s silence after, the room filled by only harsh breaths. Jesper snaps up, looking around frantically, because Kaz is not calling (Y/N)’s name and that can only mean that she’s not there or she’s…

His mind quiets down when he takes in the sight in front of him.

Kaz is not calling (Y/N)’s name because he already has eyes on her. Probably always did.

And that’s when Jesper sees it, a little thing, something that tilts the scales in favor of his theory; the softness in (Y/N)’s face as she listens to Kaz.

(Y/N) is always kind— with battered gang members and hungry street urchins, with the loud customers and even with those who dare gamble against her —but Jesper is just now realizing that there’s a different gentleness when it comes to the way she takes Kaz in. The look in her eyes becomes quieter, more intimate, delicate. She says something, much too quiet for Jesper to hear, and smiles. Kaz shakes his head fondly, responds with a hushed whisper. It’s tender, precious, private. It makes Jesper feel like he’s intruding.

And then something Jesper has never seen before happens. Kaz takes (Y/N)’s chin with his gloved hand, thumb and index fingers holding her. He moves her face around, looking for any visible injury.

There goes another detail in favor of the matching tattoo theory.

Jesper thinks he might’ve just entered some sort of altered reality because what is he even looking at right now. He looks around but Inej and Nina aren’t paying them any mind, too engrossed in their own conversation.

Great, he’s all alone in trying to figure this thing out.

“I’m okay,” he hears (Y/N) reassure.

For the most part, Jesper thinks to himself, because he doesn’t miss the way she’s pressing her hand to her abdomen. Apparently, it hasn’t slipped past Kaz either, because he hums and raises his eyebrows, eyes pointedly trailing down to the wound.

She rolls her eyes at him, even that action looks fond, “It’s not deep.”

Kaz is more tactile with her, Jesper realizes with a start. It’s not a word he would ever use to describe Dirtyhands, but it’s the only one that comes to mind. (And Kaz has gotten better over the years, he has. It’s been gradual, and Jesper has no clue as to how or what he’s done, but he hasn’t missed the way Kaz doesn’t cringe away from the Crows anymore, how he doesn’t pale when someone brushes against him. He doesn’t seek touch, but he doesn’t lose all semblance of control at it either. Still, tactile is farther from what Kaz is, and this? This is huge. This is the greatest display of touch Jesper has ever seen him do.)

“You’ve got it?”

“Yeah, I’ll stitch it.”

His gloved thumb brushes her skin, briefly, before he taps the bottom of her chin gently, in approval, and lets her go.

“I can help you with that,” Nina pipes up.

Jesper turns around, immediately catches the look in the Heartrender’s eyes. Seems like he might not be the only one noticing things.

(Y/N) nods in agreement and Nina follows after her. Jesper decides, after taking only two seconds to ponder on the thought, to trail behind them. He wants to listen in— because he knows Nina won’t be able to keep herself from commenting or questioning and he’s aching to know —but he’s also hoping the Heartrender will take pity on him and heal some of his bruises.

“What do you want?” Nina asks him as they settle on a small corner of the stable. (Y/N) leans against a wooden post as she begins to undress, untucking her shirt.

Jesper simply points at the bruise he can already feel forming on his cheekbone, offering a cheeky smile.

“I’m not a nurse, Fahey.”

“You’re gonna stitch her up!” (Y/N) is watching with amusement and when Jesper points at her she raises one hand in surrender, the other still pressed against her wound.

“Yeah, well,” Nina shrugs, needle and thread in hand, “She’s my favorite.”

(Y/N) chuckles. There’s a broken-down iron chest and she sits on it as well as she can, leaning back so that Nina can work. She winks at him, “Privileges, Jes.”

He pouts.

“Saints,” Nina mutters when she catches a look of him. She’s decided that kneeling by (Y/N) side will be the most comfortable position for her to work. She cleans the wound, pours water over it, and doesn’t turn to him as she says, “If you stop doing that face I’ll see what I can do about the bruise.”

He smirks to himself, “You’ve got it, boss.”

Jesper can’t see it, but he’s sure she rolls her eyes at him.

“Try not to move,” she instructs (Y/N), voice gaining a softer, less teasing edge. The needle pricks the skin.

It’s not a deep wound, (Y/N) had been right about that. It bleeds, but the flow seems to be slowing down. It’s a little bit over her hipbone, but not quite on her abdomen. Judging by the injury, if Jesper had to guess, he would say it was probably caused by a straight back blade.

He had sort of expected Nina to immediately fire away, to start unabashedly questioning, but she doesn’t. She moves her hands in a repetitive motion, closing the skin. Then, she casually comments, “That’s not a crow.”

It’s only then that Jesper notices the ink; just over (Y/N)'s hipbone, only visible because she’d pulled her trousers a bit down to give Nina more skin to maneuver around.

“No, it isn’t,” (Y/N) confirms. She’s got her eyes closed, looks a lot more like she’s sleeping and not like she’s having her skin stitched back together. Either Nina has an amazing ability or she’s somehow managing to dissociate from the pain.

“A raven?”

“Yeah.”

Jesper leans away from the wall to get a better look at it. It’s small, simple, just the silhouette done in thin black lines. He has no idea how Nina managed to identify the bird.

Nina stays quiet for a split second, musing. She keeps her hands steady, thread pulling skin. Apparently, she decides she does not care about decorum— just like Jesper had expected —because she ends up stating, matter-of-factly, “Kaz calls you that.”

Jesper sort of forgets how to breathe. That’s why Nina hadn’t gone on a tangent regarding the touches and the glances, he realizes in that moment. She’d been distracted by something much more interesting.

And she hadn’t identified the bird, she’d just made an informed assumption. Because Kaz does call her that, raven, and sometimes, when he's feeling particularly fond, little raven. He uses it interchangeably with her name and often enough that when Jesper had initially joined the Dregs, all those years back, he’d assumed it to be her name. He’s not quite sure how Nina, who’s been with them for a shorter period of time, managed to make that connection quicker than him.

(Y/N) lets out a breathy laugh, “That he does.”

Instead of further grilling (Y/N) about the tattoo, as Jesper had expected, Nina changes the line of inquiry.

“Why?” She stops sewing and looks up at (Y/N), eyes filled with curiosity.

Oh, she’s insane, Jesper thinks to himself. He sort of wishes he’d have the audacity to ask such direct questions.

(Y/N) doesn’t seem bothered by the prodding, only mildly amused. She chuckles, “You would have to ask him that.”

Not even Nina is insane enough to dare do that. Probably. Nina is sort of a wild card, Jesper can never get a complete read on her.

She proves her sanity by taking the easier route, she whines and pouts, “C’mon. Tell us.”

(Y/N) laughs, louder this time. The reaction is immediate, the wound oozes more blood, and she flinches, moving her hand towards the injury and managing to stop herself millimeters before touching it. It makes Nina get back to stitching.

“You’re bold,” (Y/N) opens her eyes and looks straight at Jesper. There’s something in her eyes, a glimmer that passes quickly, like she knows something that Jesper doesn’t and it amuses her. “Jes would never dare ask.”

“Hey!” He pretends to be offended but isn’t really. She knows him too well.

“You know it’s true.”

He only grumbles in response, hates that she’s right.

Nina is suddenly tense, as if she isn’t quite sure if (Y/N)’s words are meant as a compliment or a reprimand. (Y/N) closes her eyes again, rests her head against the wall and reassures her, “I like that. Your boldness.”

And Nina preens, subtly, but she does. Jesper understands. (Y/N)’s approval somehow comes to mean everything to those around her. She’s like an older sister you’re always trying to impress.

Jesper thinks she won’t be saying anything more, but (Y/N) does.

“Ravens are softer than crows, more playful,” she mumbles quietly. Jesper, who isn’t even far from her, strains to hear, “Gentler, too.” And it’s like she knows exactly where the ink lays on her skin, like she has it memorized, because she manages to avoid Nina and the needle and trace the outline of the tattoo, eyes still closed, “And yet they manage to survive in the same brutal world that crows do.”

The words sink in. Jesper blinks once, twice, shifts on his feet, somewhat uncomfortable. It feels like he’s just gained insight on something much too private, into the feelings and thoughts of Kaz Brekker. Because what she just explained, vaguely and in simple words, has a much deeper meaning, and Jesper doesn’t miss that. It’s how Kaz sees her, an equal. Someone as strong as a crow, as fierce and resourceful and capable, but softer, gentler. That’s (Y/N) to him.

“That’s it?” Nina sounds perpetually unimpressed, but she doesn’t get it. She hasn’t been with the Crows long enough to understand.

(Y/N) smirks, like she knew the words wouldn’t mean much to her, and that tells Jesper something. There’s even more to the meaning of the nickname and she won’t be sharing.

“If you want more you can just ask Kaz.”

Nina huffs and pouts, pulls at the thread a bit harsher than necessary in retaliation. It probably doesn’t even sting, but (Y/N) plays along.

“Ow!?” The smirk remains on her face.

“Sorry,” Nina says, not sounding the least apologetic.

(Y/N) only chuckles, “I really do like your boldness.”

It isn’t until later that night, as Jesper sleeps in the haystack and shivers from the cold, hoping to the Saints that the smell of horse can be removed from his clothes, that realization strikes him. His eyes snap wide open.

The image of a letter R inked in Kaz’s forearm flashes through his mind.

R.

A Raven.

No fucking way.

He has no evidence of it, no evidence that those tattoos might be complementary, but something in his gut tells him they are, and he decides to listen to his instincts.

Great, that’s yet another circumstantial piece of evidence in favor of his theory.

(Jesper doesn’t know, will never know, but he gets it both wrong and right. The letter R that is permanently etched on Kaz’s skin means something else entirely, but he does have the small silhouette of a crow, different from the one on his arm, over his ribs.)

iv. a broken lock and a key

Jesper and (Y/N) stay behind. It’s Jesper’s fault, he’d landed wrong when they jumped off the cliff, too busy on firing his guns to focus on the landing, and the resulting sprained ankle made it hard to keep up with the rest. (Maybe it was sort of Kaz’s fault, too, because who even decides on an exit route that includes free falling off a cliff. Jesper should be used to Kaz’s antics by now, but the man keeps on outdoing himself.)

(Y/N) had quickly offered to match his pace, to keep him company while the rest went ahead.

After a quick discussion Kaz had agreed to it. Jesper hadn’t missed the way they’d said goodbye. Their pinky fingers interlacing with one another.

He might not be completely sure about his matching tattoo theory— denial, really, he’s in denial, and he’s man enough to admit that to himself —but he has absolutely no doubt there is something going on between them. Jesper hasn’t put a name on it yet, he’s not even sure they have, but one would have to be blind to deny it.

Wylan had volunteered too, but Kaz needed him for the next phase of the plan, so he wasn’t really an option. A shame, really, Jesper would’ve enjoyed some alone time with his boyfriend, but he can’t complain, (Y/N) is good company. She doesn’t whine about how slow they’re going, doesn’t mention the fact that, by now, they’re probably two days behind. She keeps the air between them filled with light chatter and that makes it more bearable, makes him feel less of a burden.

On the third day of their journey Jesper wakes up alone. He’s not immediately filled by dread because he’s a light sleeper, he’s sure he would’ve woken up at the sound of any commotion, and he’s even more certain that (Y/N) would’ve had any attacker down on the floor with a gun to their temple before they even had the chance to breathe too close to them.

So, he’s not worried, but there’s something about not having (Y/N) within his line of sight that feels wrong, partly because he’s got no idea where she is, and mainly because Kaz had given him a cautionary glare when they’d ventured ahead, an easily interpreted warning to keep her safe or else.

It’s only when he begins to look around that Jesper notices her knapsack is also missing. He closes his eyes and focuses. Somewhere in the distance he can hear running water. He follows the sound before he can think too much, limping along the way.

Jesper finds her easily. He sort of wishes he hadn’t found her. Because she is showering in the lake and she is completely naked.

“Saints!” It’s a knee-jerk reaction to turn around, eyes screwed shut. “I am so sorry.”

(Y/N) snickers, unbothered, “Relax, Jes. It’s okay.”

And she’s saying that, but Jesper is pretty sure Kaz would gauge his eyes off is he found out he’s just seen her completely nude.

He shakes his head, over and over. Ah, Kaz is going to kill him. He is a dead man walking.

She must be watching him because she lets out a laugh.

“Oh, please.” There’s amusement in her tone, “Nothing you haven’t seen before,” she teases, and Jesper regrets every single thing he’s ever told her about his sexual encounters.

He huffs out a laugh. It’s got nothing to do with that, Jesper isn’t a prude, he’s just trying to process the fact that if Kaz ever finds out he will more than likely lose a finger, or his life. But he can’t say that, that’s a conversation he’s not ready to have, so he settles for, “You’re like my sister, it’s not the same.”

“Fair enough,” she responds. Jesper catches the affection in her voice. He doesn’t think he’s ever told her how she sees her as family and she must’ve known, their bond runs deep, it goes unspoken, but maybe it’s different to hear it out loud.

“It’s my fault anyways, I shouldn’t have left without telling you where I was going,” she disrupts his thoughts. “But you were finally sleeping.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. Obviously it wouldn’t slip past her that in between the pain on his ankle and the cold of the night he’s been having a hard time falling asleep.

“You shouldn’t be standing for long,” she points out, and Jesper agrees. His leg is beginning to ache and if they’re going to travel long today, he must rest as much as he can. But the idea of walking back to camp and leaving her alone doesn’t sit right with him— even if he knows she’s capable of defending herself, she would probably do a better job than him, given his state —so he limps towards a big rock, back still towards her, and sits.

“You’re gonna keep me company?”

Jesper hums in response, “Talk so I know you haven’t suddenly been kidnapped.”

She doesn’t talk, instead she sings. It’s an old Kerch song, Jesper knows because of the mournful feel. It builds up slow and steady, flows with the morning air. She's got a nice voice. Jesper never gets tired of hearing her.

It’s as he listens, slowly being lulled into a peaceful mindset, that the memory of the ink flows through his mind. It’d been the thing his eyes had zeroed in, the black mark on the back of her neck.

Maybe it’s the soothing music, or maybe he’s slowly becoming more daring, but the words slip out of his mouth without thought, “Is it a key?”

(Y/N) stops midway through the bridge of the song.

“What?” she asks, confusion permeating the lone word.

“On the back of your neck,” Jesper clarifies, gesturing to his own neck.

There’s silence, long enough for Jesper to start thinking that maybe this wasn’t the best idea, before the air is filled with laughter. She chuckles as if he's just said the funniest thing.

She’s still giggling when she says, “I can’t believe you caught sight of it.”

He’s confused by her reaction and settles for responding with a teasing, “I’ve got a great vision.”

“That you do,” she replies. "It is a key," she confirms and then the singing starts again, more of a humming this time around, a much brighter song.

And Jesper must be really really losing the filter between his mouth and his brain— he blames the pain and the lack of sleep —because he finds himself asking, “Does Kaz have a lock, by any chance?”

He’s teasing, but not really. It’s a good enough question, not truly invasive. It gives her room to answer as she wishes.

To his surprise, she says, “Yes, he does.”

His head snaps towards her, momentarily forgetting that she’s naked and that Kaz will definitely kill him for seeing her naked twice. To his luck, (Y/N) is already getting dressed, water dripping down her hair and staining her shirt.

“What?”

There’s a sharp glint in her eyes, knowing, almost playful. A smirk tugs at the corner of her mouth, just enough hint of mischief to make Jesper doubt the truthfulness of her words.

“Yeah,” she repeats in mock seriousness, “he’s got a small lock around here,” she points the area around her collarbone, close to where her heart is. “It’s very pretty.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

(Y/N) snickers, “Maybe I am.” She ruffles his hair as she walks past him.

Weeks later Jesper realizes that she had been fucking with him, but not lying. Kaz’s shirt rips during a heist and Jesper catches the briefest glimpse of the image of a broken lock, inked right above his heart.

v. a band of ink around his ring finger, part two.

As if summoned by his thoughts, (Y/N) materializes by his side. She takes a look at his face, follows his line of sight, and snickers.

“Did you finally figure it out?”

He turns to her. Blinks once, twice.

“What?”

She looks highly entertained by the evident confusion on his face.

“I caught you staring at my tattoo sometimes,” Jesper follows the movement of her fingers, watches as she rubs the mend on her wrist absentmindedly. “And then you would get this constipated look on your face.”

Jesper sputters, “I do not look constipated.”

“Only when you’re thinking too hard,” she teases, her smile bright. “So, I figured, well…”

“That I might be losing my mind trying to figure out if Kaz is the matching tattoo kind of person?”

“Yep, something like that,” she takes a sip of her drink. “He is, by the way.” (Y/N)’s not looking at him anymore, her eyes have drifted. He follows her sight and isn’t surprised to find her looking at Kaz. She softens immediately. “All the tattoos were his idea.”

Jesper feels like he’s really entered some other reality. He can’t believe she’s just telling him all this. Does this mean that he could’ve known months ago if he’d just asked?

“And,” he dares ask, because apparently (Y/N) is in a sharing mood, and apparently he's grown bolder. It must be the alcohol. “You’re married?”

He doesn’t miss the way she rubs her thumb against her ring finger, the one that contains the exact same band of ink as Kaz’s.

“Yeah.”

“Actually?”

She pulls her necklace. A wedding band lies there. It’s anything but traditional. Black, probably forged from oxidized steel. Sleek, unadorned and somehow still elegant. There’s something engraved on the inside. Jesper just catches the letter R.

“Got the documents to prove it, too.”

Jesper sighs, astounded, “You never said a thing.”

“We didn’t really keep it a secret, just private.” It sounds like an apology somehow. “It's just, in a place like this," she gestures around, "some things you have to keep to yourself."

Jesper understands.

He shakes his head, still somehow feeling like he’s drugged.

Kaz Brekker, a matching tattoo and marriage type of person. Who would’ve guessed.

“Lovers, huh?”

(Y/N) smiles, before she slips away and makes her way towards Kaz, Jesper hears her whisper.

“‘Lovers’ feels too small a word for what we are.”

[visenyaism]

They butchered Alicent so bad

oh i LOVED her this episode. some of the execution was a little clunky in places but moving the blood and cheese “pick which of your kids are dying” moment to be a conversation between rhaenyra and alicent was sooo fucking choice in a way i really found compelling.

like aegon this episode, alicent has been realizing she doesn’t know what the fucking point of all of this has been. again like aegon because they were raised in a deeply ableist society she cannot conceive of aegon where he isn’t the king she cannot wrap her head around what he’s supposed to be now all of the suffering she bore to get him to this point was for nothing. aemond is acting scary and out of control to the extent that he is an active threat to her and her other children she does not know him anymore.

she gets out loud explicitly asked by rhaenyra to resolve the dilemma that has been her entire character: she either has to choose her children or her relationship with rhaenyra. otto has been drilling this into alicent’s head since she was a child, alicent has been drilling it into her children’s heads since THEY were children. rhaenyra was the only one who pretended that wouldn’t be a choice forced on alicent! so then rhaenyra is the one to demand this of her it’s CRAZY. and alicent, who has been trapped for almost her whole life who has done everything expected of her and has been left with what? so much blood on her hands, everyone hates her, no one listens to her,and the children that she had to bear the conception and raising of against her will are unrecognizable to her. this war is transactional and will not stop until everyone is dead.

and alicent does something fundamentally selfish and cut them loose in the name of all of this just being over. she wants to be a person again. she can’t tell the difference between being her own and being rhaenyra’s those are the same to her. and then she steps out to look at the wide open sky, out of her cage for the first time ever while rhaenyra settles deeper into hers. that’s so interesting. 

the consequence being that she never had control of the narrative! but she’s still punished for this in how this story is told. she’s largely written into the background of the historical record and when she’s there she’s a caricature of a cold ambitious stepmother-queen. they’re trying really hard to reckon with the historical record as history is happening.

overall, I think I can understand why people are upset about this, but I loved it. I thought it was really compelling and there could’ve been a bit more buildup to that moment for her but I don’t think it’s that far out from her previous characterization at all.

[the-clock-of-the-time-dragon]

[Wicked Act II spoilers]

[edited for tone and clarity of purpose, apologies for initial crudeness and frustration]

Okay, obviously I'm biased, but I'm gonna need the Fiyeraba shippers to please set a lot of your people straight about some things. I've seen way too many people trying to say that Glinda is just a selfish bimbo and that Fiyero is a virtuous and selfless figure more worthy of Elphaba's love. I'll set aside for now the idea of "worthiness" in this context. But let's start off with Fiyero joining the Wizard. Hoo boy...

Yes, he was initially somewhat less tolerant of the propaganda against Elphaba than Glinda was; yes, he was secretly trying to find her so he could run away with her or whatever. But honey: those facts DO NOT fully absolve his actions as the Wizard's top officer, or selfish recklessness throughout Act II. I see so many popular threads and posts romanticizing and whitewashing with "oh but he didn't REALLY join the Wizard, he just pretended so he could try to get to Elphie! It's all for love, and he sacrificed everything for her!" As if the literal captain of the literally fascist forces responsible for the oppression of Animals wasn't equally responsible for said oppression?? Hello? Fiyero really didn't think of seeking out Elphaba in ANY other way that DIDN'T involve becoming *checks notes*... the trusted leader of the troops committing all the abuses she's fighting against in the first place???? Like it's cool and all that he helped with Brrr, and it's all well and good that he planned on betraying the Wizard as soon as he found Elphaba (which took literal years, so I guess we're left to assume he was prepared to just keep doing fascism indefinitely if she didn't show up????), but uh... it's kind of concerning to how eager some of you are to make excuses for this dude volunteering as the head of the Ozian Gestapo??? smdh

He didn't accomplish anything from it either, by the way — like yeah, we get it, he did everything he did whilst silently fantasizing about running away with the Witch he was being paid to hunt. Fine. But I can't be the only one who doesn't buy that as an actual excuse???? Like, guys: nobody forced him to join the fascist army — even with crazy ulterior motives. He wasn't coerced into it; it wasn't his only choice or anything. Searching for Elphaba did not somehow compel him to go and volunteer to follow (or to give!) orders in the name of the dictator who was trying to have her assassinated the entire time. He could have just not done all that. (Genuinely so curious how the second film plans on covering that material tbh)

Glinda made several questionable decisions that can be (and have been) debated, but she is still very unambiguously a victim. Her position in the Wizard's regime was foisted upon her. There are things we can discuss, but I find that many folks need reminding that Glinda would undoubtedly have been disposed of (or worse) if she failed to make herself useful. I mean hell: she wasn't even supposed to meet the Wizard in the first place — she was only there because of Elphie. If she'd tried to resist, it would have immediately gotten her labeled the Witch's accomplice. As soon as she'd chosen not to get on the broom, her fate was out of her hands, and all available options were varying degrees of horrible.

That's not the case with Fiyero. He went to the Wizard all on his own; no one ever cornered or forced him into it. Thinking Animals are people, and having a crush on Elphaba, simply did not stop him from carrying out the regime's orders — for years. It's not clear exactly how long he's been captain at the start of Act II, but the clear implication is that he's been a soldier for most of the time skip. I've seen Fiyeraba accounts with headcanons about him acting as a double agent, secretly doing stuff to help Animals — and that's a great idea, it would indeed serve to make a lot of his actions way more palatable — but until we actually get to SEE some of that (maybe they'll add it for the movie version of Act II; we'll have to see), there is nothing in the story to suggest that. He certainly didn't do a damn thing for all those Animals who were enslaved and caged in the Wizard's palace — and we don't see a single other Animal outside of there in Act II, so as far as we know Fiyero has participated over those years in the near-total removal of Animals from Ozian society. In the name of "finding Elphaba". Not fighting for her cause. Just finding HER. For HIMSELF.

It's fine to have a ship you like, obviously — and there is genuinely a lot to like about Fiyeraba, I don't dislike the idea of them as a couple or as friends — but come on guys: please stop those out there idealizing Fiyero as somehow a clear "morally-superior" alternative to Glinda, lol. The dude had power, access, and opportunities, for years, that he could have wielded in any number of really selfless, revolutionary ways. He didn't. And I propose (apparently controversially): he simply didn't want to. And that — at the end of the day — is (much as some would like to deny it) true to his character. He always WANTED to be self-absorbed and shallow, and all his actions are consistent with that. Elphaba saw depth and discontentment in him, yes: but (and I cannot stress this enough) when given the chance, he channeled that in the wrong direction. He didn't confront that and become a better person — for the most part he just displaced and projected it onto Elphaba as an object of obsession, and put on an even thicker pretense than before.

All his actions — regardless of the complexity he has deep down — are those of a man who never gives one fuck about anything or anyone, except (kinda sorta) Elphaba. But even then: at no time does the care he has for her seem to extend to caring about any of her wants or needs outside of sexual validation from him, or how she might feel about his actions, or indeed the impacts of those actions upon her, her cause, or anyone or anything else. I don't think it should be all that controversial to say: he doesn't think through the wider repercussions of anything he does — thoughtlessness is just one of his core character traits. He doesn't think ahead or see meaning in anything outside of what can temporarily excite him, in the moment. I think people place a little too much weight on Elphaba clocking him with regard to his internal pain, and seem to expect (understandably of course) that she is not only right, but moreover that he will grow from that in a positive direction, based on her influence.

But he doesn't. If anything, we get a surprising inverse: he pretty much proves her wrong. Not to say he didn't have hidden depth and all that, like she said: but his hypothetical heart of gold proves not to really amount to much in practice. He doesn't grow out of his shallowness and his self-centeredness: he grows into it in a way that he hadn't quite yet in school. Where once he was only masking an internal listlessness, after he's been cracked open by Elphaba he decides to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow, not just coasting by. He performs in new ways — as a soldier, eventually as a "fiancé", etc. — but by Act II we meet a Fiyero who has staked the last remaining shred of humanity in him on the vain pursuit of the only object of his desire that has ever been unavailable to him, and firmly chosen to say to hell with everyone and everything else.

When put to the test, Fiyero sacrifices Glinda, the Animals, and all else that Elphaba actually cared about, to pursue his own unresolved crush from college. Mostly to get in her pants, really — as harsh as I'm sure that sounds. But let me be frank: that is literally all he ever accomplishes in the show. He gives her dick one time, and one of his castles, and that's it. That's the culmination of his years trying to find her — years in which he actively worked as one of the stormtroopers (or even the one commanding them) committing untold crimes against Animalkind (who, again, it seems have been all but erased from Oz by Act II): y'know, the very crimes Elphaba sacrificed her life to try and stop????? He spent the most important time of his life — of his own free will — being a fascist soldier, but he "did it for her" somehow, so according to some, it's perfectly fine. Heroic, even. Yikes??

But let's make something very clear (since my original version of this post caught a lot of flak, including slurs and other rudeness):

I like Fiyero. I find his role extremely interesting (I could do a whole dissertation on him, but I'm especially a fan of the way his proving Elphaba's assessment of him wrong presents a fascinating parallel and contrast with Glinda, which I think is lost on a lot of people). But PLEASE stop with all the misguided Glinda slander and idealization of Fiyero. By all means, thirst! But don't give me all this bullshit about him deserving Elphaba more, or being super deep, or being really principled or noble or whatever else. He does have layers, and quite intriguing ones, but his insides are straw — he isn't meant to have some deep, overwrought emotional core or motivations; he has passions that he acts upon when given the chance. That's it. And that's fine. Actually kind of refreshing in a story rooted in simple children's fantasy but rife with intensely complicated personalities. Fiyero makes it his mission to represent denial of depth and embrace of raw, spontaneous desire — and I for one love that, and wish others appreciated it.

And in all seriousness, shipping wars aside: by the end of the story, it's Glinda who is ultimately vindicated, and has — for all her faults — made the necessary choices to fulfill Elphaba's wishes, bring down the regime, etc. And all that despite herself. She's miserable: not just because of the mistakes she made, but because of her correct moves as well. Fiyero is simply not — and could never be — that person. And that's okay! Like I said: I am not anti-Fiyero. Fiyero's willingness to throw it all away for the sake of sheer, overriding passion is a huge part of what people like about him, of course — and it's an obvious factor in the attraction between him and Elphaba, because she has her own flavor of that impulse as well — but I'd actually argue that it's not romantic, it's his fatal flaw. And thematically that's fantastic! But I just don't believe that it somehow means he "deserves Elphaba more" because he "gave up his life for her" or whatever. In part because NOBODY truly "deserves" Elphie tbh, not 100% (and I question anybody who claims otherwise), but ultimately because I don't accept the idea that his fleeting acts of passion make up for all the shit leading up to them (or even proceeding after them tbh). At least Glinda managed to do what Elphaba always wanted in the end — but I would die on this hill even if Gelphie didn't exist.

You don't have to agree with my analysis of Fiyero and his choices, relationships, etc. — that's fine. What isn't fine is trying to portray Glinda as some kind of spineless traitor whore for the Wizard and Fiyero as a conscientious hero who earned Elphie through self-sacrifice. That's just not the story that was written. It's WAY messier and more interesting than that.

[little-miss-fandom-freak]

More Time

(Rick Flag x Fem!Reader/ Rick Flag Sr x Platonic!Reader)

Summary: Rick Flag Sr finally meets his son's fiancée, unfortunately it wasn't the way either it them had imagined it

Warning: MAJOR ANGST!! Talks of drugs, addictions, and stippers as well

Every parent's wish is to be able to watch their child grow into an amazing person and to see them reach this achievement before their passing. No parent should have to attend their child's funeral. Unfortunately for Rick Flag Sr., life had different plans.

He debated all morning on if he even wanted to attend the funeral. No one would have blamed him if he didn't. There wasn't even a body to bury, but he wasn't a coward. So there he was, sitting in the front pew, watching Amanda Waller give her goodbye speech to her best soldier. Many people were whispering about her stoic demeanor, not realizing that this woman hadn't shown emotion in her entire career and wasn't going to start now. Rick had already given his speech, so at this point, he just wanted to leave. And he was about to do so until the pastor approached the stand.

"There is one more person who would like to send their goodbyes to Richard Flag. His lovely fiancée." Rick's eyes flickered to the stand. A younger woman slowly made her way up the stairs. She was shaking, like a scared lamb. Her eyes were puffy and red from the tears she had been shedding all morning, and her voice was tried and sore from her cries. Rick knew his son was supposed to get married before his death, he remembered the day well. Rick Jr was to be deployed to Corto Maltese with his new Task Force. When he mentioned his engagement, Rick was over the moon with joy. Rick Jr wanted his dad to meet the love of his life when he got back from the mission. That day never came.

The woman at the stand let out a shaky breath before her soft voice spoke. "Richard was... an extraordinary man. He was a brave soldier who fought endlessly for our country. He... he would've been, an amazing husband. He cared deeply for everyone around him, he'd give the clothes off of his back if it meant helping someone in need. He put his life on the line for so many people, even for those he didn't know..." She took a moment, choking back a small cry before she continued.

"If there's one thing about Richard that everyone knew, it's that he took pride in his country. He was a true patriot, even till the end... For the longest time I resented that part of him. All of the birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays he missed because he was called in for duty." Rick didn't miss the glare she shot at Waller, who sat near him in the front pews.

"But that was just who he was; fiercely loyal and willing to fight for what he believed was for the betterment of others... but sometimes-" a small cry came from her. She sharply inhaled before continuing, changing the topic before she got too wrapped up in her thoughts. "As realistic as he was at times, Richard always tried to see the best in people. He first person to see me as someone more than my career, someone more than my struggles. He even helped me get back into school. That's why I fell in love with him... but I guess our love wasn't meant for this world. Maybe in another, we make it..."

She turned to the empty coffin and placed a singular rose on top of it. "Goodbye, Richard. My heart dies with you..."

After the ceremony, everyone gathered outside to disscus the location of the wake. Rick decided he wasn't going to attend, he's delt with too much for today. He did, however, wanted to speak to his son's fiancée before he left. When he finally spotted her, she was already getting in her car, likely to head to the wake. Rick sighed, realizing that he didn't have a choice but to attend the wake.

When he got there, the wake had already begun. It was peaceful, but the tone had shifted to a lighter one than the funeral just an hour before. He shifted his way around the community hall, asking around if anyone knew where the girl had gone. He tapped the shoulder of a young woman. "Excuse me, ma'am-"

The woman whipped around. "Ma'am?! I am not that old!" Rick was startled by her appearance.

"Wait, are you Harley Quinn?"

Rick sighed. "I'm his dad."

She chuckled. "Guilty! Now I know what yer thinkin'; "Harley Quinn?! How'd you escape prison?!" Jokes on you, I didn't! The old bitch, Waller, gave me few hours out of the old cell to pay my respects. Who are you? How'd ya know Flag?"

Her cheery, peppy demeanor changed. She shoulders sunk and her smile became one full of sorrow. "Oh... I'm real sorry bout yer loss. Ricky was a good guy... probably the only person who didn't treat me like shit when I was locked up. He even visited a few times, just to check up on me... I'm gonna miss the guy, even if he was a little stuck up" She said with a sorrowful chuckle. "You raised a good man, Mr. Flag."

Rick nodded; he never realized how big of an impact his son had on people. "I'm looking for his fiancee."

"Oh, Y/n? I just saw her, I think she went out back for some air." Rick gave the young woman a pat on the shoulder before he made his way out back

Pushing past the crowd of people, he took a step outside, the fall wind hitting his face as he looked around for Y/n. He spotted her on a bench a little ways down, scrolling through old pictures on her phone.

~~~~

"Man, couldn't take of your hat for a single picture, huh Richard?" You said with a chuckle, scrolling through your gallery just to see your fiance with some kind of baseball cap on in each one.

"My son always did appreciate a decent baseball cap." You turned behind you, standing there was the older man from the funeral. Richard's dad.

"Oh, hi. We haven't met yet." You raised your hand and introduced yourself.

"Rick Sr., I'm glad I can finally put a name to the face." He said as he sat down beside you.

"I can say the same about you. Richard spoke very highly of you. It's unfortunate that we had to meet like this."

"It is..." The two of you stayed silent. You went for you bag and pulled out a small flask. Handing it to Rick, he raised his brow. You shrugged. "I couldn't come sober."

Rick nodded, accepting the flask. "How did you meet my son?" He asked as he wiped his mouth. "He never shared the details. Always said its better to hear in person."

She chuckled softly. "He would say that..." She took a sharp inhale before she spoke. "I was a stipper-"

Rick chocked on the rum inside the flask. She let out a laugh, chuckling as Rick wiped the liquid from his lips. "Don't worry, we didn't meet at a strip club. We actually met at a farmer's market of all places. He was looking for some preservative to bring before he was diployed again, and I was wandering around town before my shift started. I accidentally ran into him and we dropped all of our stuff. We hit it off instantly. I actually skipped my shift to hang out with him, He always called it our "unofficial first date." He didn't consider it an actual date because he didn't pick me up from my house, we didn't go somewhere nice, nor was rither of us dressed in "date attire"... God my life was such a mess before him."

"How so?" Rick asked as he passed the flask. "If you don't mind me asking."

You took a sip and sighed. "Before I met Richard, I was a mess. My job was great, I made good money as a stripper but... I had an addiction. Heroin. He didn't know for months but wheb he found out I was so sure he'd leave me. But he didn't... he stayed. He stayed with me, visited me every day while I was in rehab. He never gave up on me... you raised a good man."

Rick nodded. "That kid... he was something else. He the only good thing in this god forsaken world, the only spark of light in my dimmed out life."

"He was a beacon of light to all. Hell, if it weren't for him, I'd be dead from an overdose by now..." You took a big swing of her flask. "Maybe I was supposed to. Maybe this is karma's way of getting back. Because no one, as wonderful as that man, should've been taken from this world."

Rick saw the anger in your eyes as your grip around the flask tightened. Cautiously, he placed his hand over yours. Your eyes flicked up to him, tears threatening to spill. "Why did he have to be a hero?... Why couldn't he have been a peice of shit like the rest of us? Why'd did he..." a sob escaped your lips. "Why did he leave me?"

Rick pulled you into his chest as the tears and cries left your body. You trembled against him, all of your emotions were pouring out into one motion. The two of you stayed like that for a while, neither of you knew how long but neither of you cared. Finally, someone knew how the other felt. It was refreshing for you; to finally have someone you could cry to without feeling annoying or judged. You didn't have your family; your dad died years ago and your mom practically disowned you because of your career choices. This was the first real comfort you've received in a long time.

~~~~

After the wake, Rick walked you to your car. He hung by the door as you got in. Pulling a pen from his pocket, he gently grabbed your arm and wrote something down.

"My personal and work number. If you ever need anything, call me. Doesn't matter the time or day, I'm here for you kid."

You looked up at him with a wide smile. "God you're gonna make me cry again." The two chuckled as you tried to wipe away the tears. Taking a step out of the car, you gave Rick one last hug before you made your way home.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

This was a a little idea I came up with last night. I read that the VAs in Creature Commandos are going to play their characters irl so I compared Rick Flag Sr and Rick Flag Jr and...

PEAK casting, I applaud who ever did this 👏

[lucifermonsii]

I don't know if you accept making other content other than call of duty, but here goes. Can you make Francis mosses from not my neighbor with a short male s/o, but who is strong. Can you deny this request if you like!

Have a good day/night!

FRANCIS?? I LOVE HIM.

M!Reader x Francis Mosses

Fighting his doppelganger 🤺

Reader is shorter then Francis

You were a short man.

Really.

It was no joke.

Behind the booth you looked fine, sitting down on the chair that has left your butt imprint from sitting on it so damn long. But whenever you were about to get into your both god damn you were small.

One time Francis was walking to the booth to get inside the apartment, the empty milk carrier swings around his hands as he held it. Dragging his feet to get into his apartment already from the long day of delivering milk.

Henry walked past him and eyed him up amd down with his tired eyes, making sure he wasn't a doppelganger before quickly walking away. Francis simply side glanced in return through half lidded eyes before going to the booth, seeing you struggling to find the key to go inside of it as Henry accidentlaly locked it before leaving.

Keys jumbled against one another as they made key noises. Still struggling to find the correct key with your slender hands, eyebrows furrowing as a feeling or frustration began to creep up on you. An annoyed grunt escapes your lips as you still struggle.

Francis raised an eyebrow at you from behind before walking over to you for assistance.

"M/N, do you need help?"

He asks in a tired tone as his voice is kept smooth, looking down at you through half lidded eyes with a raised eyebrow. You slightly flinching from his sudden appearance as you turn around to look at him, only to be greeted with his chest as you were forced to look up at him. Normally you'd look at with from eye to eye but you're not in your booth right now are you?

"Ah- Francis, you scared me"

You said with a short sigh before realising that he could be a doppelganger, glancing up and down at him to make sure that he's not dangerous. Realising that he hasn't done anything to harm you, yet. Probably. You're not sure either way. Just hoping he's the real one is all.

"You're struggling with the keys"

Slight pink dusted on your cheeks as you felt a bit embarrassed that he had to witness how stupid you were at that moment.

"No need to feel embarrassed with it dear.. "

He says before taking the set of keys from your hands and quickly trying to find the key to your booth, slightly bending over and trying a few keys into the keyhole before eventually finding the right one and putting it into the hole and twisting it as it clicked.

"There we go"

He says as his lips were right next to your ear, his heat radiates off of his body as it made you warm from the cold of the night. Goosebumps crept on your back as blush slightly creep on your neck from the sudden close distance.

"Alright thanks."

You said as he took a few steps back to give you space and handed you back your keys before you went into your booth and let him through. Not long after that an obvious doppelganger showed up, Francis Mosses. Honestly with the unusual face he had if wasn't hard to tell he was a doppelganger with those void eyes and pearly white iris along with the wide mouth.

Pushing the big red button you dialed the D.D.D but before you could even dial the last digit Francis (the doppelganger) came bursting into your booth and attempted to attack you, hell you weren't sure how he got in..

Wait.

Hold on–

Did you even close the door to your booth!?

Dumbass.

He came in and leaped out for you, but you quickly flee out of your booth as it's easy to run from his because of how short you were. Luring him out he followed after you and continued to reach for you and grab you, knowing that you can't possibly pussy out of this and had no choice but to fight him.

He charges forward to grab you but before he could you dodged and forcefully hit your elbow to his back making him stumble forward before swept him off his feet and kick him off, sending him flying across the room before his back landed harshly against the wall and falling. But a few moments later he got up and went after you, being even more aggressive as you added fuel to the fire.

☆

A notification made a groan erupt from Francis's throat as he walked over to his phone on the counter and checked the notification, turns out he got a message from his boss saying that his Co worker couldn't fill in for him as she was sick. Making Francis having to work on his half day off, poor guy.

Wearing his uniform and putting on the milkman hat he took the milk carrier and rode the lift to head out. Walking over to text door that led outside grunts and punching sounds were faint from the inside, raising an eyebrow he got curious. Probably a gang fight or something, he wasn't sure. Suddenly, it went silent. As if all the fighting had stopped, he turned the knob and stepped outside, being met with you kneeling over a corpse of him.

The doppelganger now dead as substances as dark as the void bled out of him as if it were blood, your eyes blown wide as you look up at the real Francis who was staring at you in disbelief. Your forearms stained with said substance as your fists were covered with the black goo, feeling embarrassed that Francis had to see the after math of all of this you quickly stood up and adjusted your tie. Only managing to stain your already stained buttoned up shirt, god damn you felt clumsy around him.

"F- Francis! Why leaving so early?"

You questioned him with an awkward smile as you tried to ignore the scene before him, he simply just glanced back at the dead body before looking back at you.

"Work emergency.."

He murmured before eyeing you up and down, you were a mess. Literally. Stained with the mystery black substance from head to toe, some on your cheeks as you wiped it off and avoid his gaze. Feeling a bit shy due to the silence as if he were judging you with that tired gaze of his.

"I'll be heading out then.."

He said before walking away to go back to work.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Can I request, if it's possible, a fic of Astarion with a touchy reader/tav? In the sense that they're just very affectionate with the people around them (like hand holding, hugs, high fives, forehead kisses, etc) in a totally loving, non sexual way. Thank you!

-------------------------------🩸-------------------------------

“Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?” Tav asked in response to Astarion’s question.

“That,” he repeated, gesturing erratically with his hand, “touching people.”

“Oh…..” They seemed to think on it for a moment. “I don’t really know. I guess I’m just a touchy person.”

Astarion’s nose crinkled. He couldn’t think of anyone liking it.

Touch for Astarion was not a sensation that warranted much affection. For 200 years it had been the source of his pain, his torment. He had not received even a single kind touch in all that time. The thought of it made him recoil in disgust.

He had made impressive strides on the subject, though, since his freedom. Being around this group, letting them be close, was something unheard of for him. The closest he had come before was the forced confinement with his siblings. When he first joined, and Tav tried to give him a high-five or some such nonsense, Astarion had to force himself not to raise his arms to defend himself. Now, he could stand shoulder to shoulder with them.

But, still, he couldn’t understand why they felt touch was so important.

“What if….people don’t like it?”

Tav turned to him. Looking at him for a long moment but seeming to immediately understand in that unique way that they had. “Then I wouldn’t do it. Just because it’s something I like doesn’t mean that it’s for everyone. I like oysters, but that’s not everyone’s cup of tea either.”

Astarion crinkled his nose again. This time in dramatic disgust. Thinking of the slimy buggers in their grimy little shells. “Well, those are certainly some…interesting choices.”

Tav grinned. “But it’s what I like. If you don’t like it, that’s fine too.”

“Who said I didn’t like it?” He asked, pretending to be shocked. Yet Tav just kept looking at him in that strange, knowing way.

“Whatever you say Astarion.”

Tav got up and left the fireside. The vampire watched them circle to the other side, stopping by Scratch to ruffle his scruff, and Astarion felt ill at being jealous of a dog.

Maybe he would have to try oysters again.

[auteurdefeu]

We all know Alastor is great at seeing what people want most, what they fear, how their emotions can so easily be played. It’s how he got Charlie to make the deal when she knew she shouldn’t. He’s so good at knowing how to make people vulnerable and get under their skin.

There’s just so much ammo for Lucifer when he shows up. An absentee father, an even worse king, his entire family cast him from his home to burn forever and then his wife left him too, the one who was known for being capable. The fact Charlie is naive enough to see Alastor as a father figure as well just perfectly plays into it, and from the start, it seems so easy to get to Lucifer of all people. Someone who’s supposed to be so great, so easy to crumble with his ego and emotions.

Those initial interactions were a shock to Lucifer’s system. How dare a sinner speak to him with such open disrespect? What choice did he have but to fight fire with fire? (read: song battle)

But then the surprise of it all starts wearing off. He knows to expect it. He saw how broken Alastor was after fighting Adam, a reminder of just how fragile sinners’ souls are compared to that of a fallen seraphim. At the same time, Charlie had happily accepted Lucifer back into her life as her father. It’s not going to erase the years spent apart and his struggles with depression, but it’s a start. And he knows Alastor’s no real threat to him.

So at some point, Alastor’s jabs start being met with casualty, almost dismissively. It shifts from a playful annoyance like calling him short to something… well, cutting deeper. He doubles down upon how Lucifer abandoned his daughter, all so that he could hide with his toys, making himself a fool in his own nation.

Lucifer’s just making coffee. Saying that’s probably true, but Charlie is a kind soul who let him back into her life.

Not the reaction Alastor wanted again. So he pressed further, even blaming this dismissive attitude he had now as being why Lilith left. How could she have ever loved a man too scared to engage. She was always at the forefront of the show while he was too busy being buried in shame to be an even decent partner.

“One of many reasons, I’d guess”

It really irritates Alastor how much this isn’t getting to him. Lucifer had come to the hotel a terribly insecure man, so easy to mess with. And now, nothing?

Over the course of a week or so he keeps trying. And Lucifer just isn’t reacting. He cannot for the life of him figure out why. He knows everything he mentions is still an upset, it’s obvious in the way he talks with other people or the things he avoids, but it’s like he has some sort of verbal armor to Alastor’s attempts at drawing out a reaction from him.

The sad truth just ends up being that, whatever Alastor says, Lucifer’s said worse about himself. He’s had years to find every little detail about himself that could’ve been the catalyst for Lilith leaving, every little trait she likely despised for centuries, tearing apart the blurring memories of her face to see which expressions were genuine. Either everything about him, every step he’s made wrong, everything he’s lost or been forced to give up, he has a list of 20 things minimum as to why it’s all his fault. Alastor’s brutality is a toddlers insult compared to the things he thinks about himself.

The devil is madly depressed and just vibing his way through life ❤️

[myladysapphire]

The spoils of war

Being a woman on the loosing side of a war was never a good thing. And when you are the only daughter of the looser it can mean one of two things, either death or marriage, and for lucky for y/n, Aegon was in need of a wife.

word count: 2,665

CW: MDI 18+, incest, angst, smut, forced marriage, unrequited love, jelousy. p in v, fingering, loss of virginity, oral (f reciving), no happy ending

Fem!reader x Aegon ii Targeryen and past fem!reader x Aemond Targereyn

a/n Aegon isn't a r*pist in this fic

Masterlist

Being a woman on the losing side of a war was never a good thing. Death always followed war, but so did marriage. and Marriage was what you now found yourself facing. Though you had begged for death, the greens deemed it fit for Rhaneyras only daughter to marry Aego.

as a means to oppress the remaining black loyalists.

With Heleana having taken her own life after the detah of both her sons, Jaeherys and Maelor. Aegon found himself without a wife. 

And with only a daughter to succeed him, the small council feared another dance should Jaeheara be heir, so they agreed a marriage between you and Aegon would suit the realm.

Though you disagreed, you had been a prisoner in the red keep for longer than you can remember. Having been dragged to the keep by Aemond after Luke's death. Aemond would visit often. You wewre forced to listen and watch as Aegon ruled, as they ridiculed your mothers everymove. You would hear about the death of each of your family through gaurds taunts.

You had seen freedom for half a year when your mother finally achieved her birthright. Had met Cregan, the man who you was supposed to marry. 

And then you heard of Aemonds death. Daemon had killed him and died himself. You and he had once considered yourself inlove. Even planned to run away and marry. But after what he did to Luke, those feelings changed and the love and longing turned to hate and anger. And with his detah came relief. She felt one step closer to her mother being safe on the throne. 

And then Aegon returned and killed your mother. Burned her alive.

You had witnessed it all, as guards held you back.

Then two weeks later your own grandsire, Coryls Veleryon, came and told you of the plans, the plans he agreed with and even proposed. 

He was the only visitor she had had. She had no Aemond to visit her, to eat with ehr even if all she did was spit angry words in his direction.

Then today, after over a moon, you were dragged from your bed and forced before Aegon in the throne room.Your mothers burnt body laid in front of you, wrapped in sheets as if to hide what Aegon had done to her. and your youngest brother, Aegon the younger, in chains.

The green council tood and told you what they demanded, Crolys the main voice among them. It was clear you had no choice but to accept their demands. marry Aegon and become queen, her brother's life will be spared and warded in Oldtown until he was four and ten. If she refused, he would become just like thre dead mother. A burnt body. And she would be dragged down the aisle anyway.

she needed her brother Aegon, he was the only family she had left and it killed her that he would grow up in the hands of the greens, but then again so would her children. The heirs the small council had demanded they have, if not Aegons life would be forfeit. 

The small council had left, leaving her and Aegon alone, bar the few guards that remained. 

Aegon called your name, he seemed nervous, tired even.

He wore the conqueror's crown, it suited him, though it was not his. But it was clear that the weight of it was more than the weight of the rubys. A weight Aegon ahd once told her he feared. 

He coughed, bringing you back from your thoughts. “Your grandsire informed me that he told you of our plans over a moon ago”

You nodded.

“I know this is not what you wanted… that i am not who you wanted, or even - or even the brother you wanted-” he stood up and made his way towards her “but this is for the good of the realm”

You scoffed “of course it is Aegon, no one wants another war.”  Everyone knew why you were marrying, it was to be a front of the greens and blacks uniting, of her bending the knee. “I am the spoils of war, Aegon. And when it comes to victory the victor always keeps his prize. And I am your prize Aegon. Not that i had a choice” you tunrened to leave, done with this, you had time. Time to get a letter to Cregan. Some servants were still loyal, surely?

Aegon once again called your name “we wed on the morrow”

Then again, the greens were smart enough to win a war, of course they were smart enogh to marry her fast. 

Aegon had alwasy hoped to wed her. And he had hope for this marriage, but not hope for a happy marriage. though he had once hoped to wed her instead of Helaena, and now he was forcing her to marry him. But he did hope it’ll end the war. Hoped that Cregan Stark would stop his attacks and surrender, submit to him and not launch the realm into another war.  they had lost too much as it was.

Aegon felt sorry for her. He felt alone but she truley was. Her only family would soon be torn from her and she would be stuck with them, and married to him. 

It had never been him for her, though it had always been her for him. from doing everything to gain her attention, bullying Aemond so she would see him as the better brother, from begging his mother and even his father to marry her and not Helaena. From bedding whores who were her doubles. 

But for you it has always been Aemond, always been him even when he killed your brother, Aemond still spoke as if you two were soon to wed and that you and him were utterly in love. He  had never got your attention, not the way Aemond had.

He called your name again, you were numb, eyes and face void of any emotion. “did you hear me?!” he asked more sternly.

you nodded your head, looking down. “ I understand Aegon.” you said his name so sweetly and yet it was filled with such hate. you had yet to call him King, had yet to fully bend the knee to him.

he sighed “you will have to bend the knee to me before and the lords of the realm… they have all been summoned for the wedding. where we shall pledge our souls together and you shall pledge your allegiance.”

you gritted your teeth, you had never been stubborn, always a people pleaser, but when it came to this you were being… difficult.

he sighed, going to speak again before you snapped your head up. He was close, close enough to reach out and take her hands in his. To hold her close. To-

“Fine! But you must swear to me Aegon.. That my brother will be safe. I - i do not want him in oldtown, send him somewhere anywhere but there. I will only bend the knee if he is safe, and i will make sure he does aswell, and that he sticks to it, if you swear he will not be killed!”

“Of course, i- he is my nephew, and as it stands my heir- it is in the crowns best interest to protect him. Doing otherwise would-”

“Risk war” she finished for him. “I make no promises for the marriage, but is shall do my duty.”

It hurts, duty. Their marriage, the marriage he had hjoped for being just a duty. Being a consolation prize for winning a war his mother and grandsire planned and plotted his whole life. And her turning around and storming through the door straight away hurt even more.

She had been given a dress. It was ivory and It was…beautiful. 

She had expected green. Something obvious. To get the greens point across. But she supposed the wedding got it across enough.

The wedding was packed, lords and ladies from all over westros, lords and ladies from both the blacks and the greens.

Her grandsire walked her down the Asile. 

Aegon stood up there, in ivory, with matching patterns to her gown. He smiled at her. He looked happy as if he had waited for this day. As if she and him were lovers finally getting there wedding day.

The ceremony was fast, a copy and paste of the dozens of weddings she had attend

They had stood before each other, in the eys of the realm and the gods. There hands joined togther, eyes locked. It was intense and fast. Then she was maade to kneel before him, and as she knelt he placed a crown on her hesd, naming her his queen consort.

There was relief throughout the kingdom the night. There wedding celebration turning into toasts and dances of peace. 

And before she knew it, it was time for the bedding ceremony.

She was nervous. She knew it would hurt somewhat. Her mother had always had told her. And told her all she would need to know. Ahd reassured her that on her wedding day she would be there, smiling and dancing as she married her love. And yet her mother was dead. Her brothers dead. Rhanea and Beala were at driftamark, univinted as if them coming would prevent the wedding from happnning. And she was not marrying her love, she was marrying her duty. Marrying for peace. And yet when Aegon looked into her eyes as they stood for the bedding ceremony she flet at peace, calm, as if eveything was snapping into place.

He took her hand in his and kissed it, before moving to step down and leave.

Aegon had ordered for no escorts top there chambers, no servants or maids. It was just them. 

And for the first time in who knows how long she felt like she could breath. 

Aegon looked towards you, cupping your face with his hands, caressing your cheeks. he was nervou, his eyes gave that away. “i’m sorry if this is not the wedding you wanted, or the husband, but i want you to know that you are the wife i have always wanted. i understand why you could never love me back. i have done terrible things to your family and i-“

“not tonight Aegon” you begged, “for tonight let us be husband and wife, tommorow you can be King Aegon, the Aegon who did all of those things, but tonight we forget. you will make me forget” you begged.

Aegon responsed ,not with words but by surging forward with a kiss. Unlike the one in the sept, were it was quick chaste. this was filled with passion, filled with Aegons love for you. There  mouths moulded together, his tounge teasing your  lip until you finally got the hint and opens for him. she was inexperienced, it was obvious, but you caught on quick. even quicker when his kisses started trailing from your mouth, to your  jaw and then to your  neck, moving further down until they reached your shoulders. he looked up then, his hand moving to the back of your dress, reaching for the corset. reaching for his laces he gave a soft kiss to your  shoulder, before removing the laces to her gown., your dress slowly dropped to the floor, pooling around your ankles. leaving your in your shear underclothes.

“gods”Aegon moaned, before diving back down to kiss your neck and working his way back up to your mouth. you moved your ah do to his shoulders, relaxing more into the kisses, allowing yourself to bask in the pleasure.

Aegon moved down one more, this time he didn’t stop at your shoulder, but moved down your your breast. taking your nipple into his mouth, and moaning at the taste. you yourself moaned in pleasure, you had done some stuff with Aemond, mainly kissing, some touching, even had his head between your thighs. but tonight felt differ t, it was not a differ t lind of pleasure, but a feeling. with Ameond it was forbidden, but with Aegon, he was your husband and deep down it felt right.

moving away from your breasts aemond pressed another kiss to your lips, before taking a step back. you watched as he did, removing his jacket and then his tunic, leaving him topless before you. he was not toned or leaned as Aemond was, but a bit chubby. And yet she found even hotter than the toned body you  had once knew so well.

Aegon continued stepping back, but not before taking your hand in his and pulling you with him, towards the bed.

He turned you around, allowing your back of your beds to hit the bed. sitting in the bed Aegon thought you a vision, even more so whn you shyly reached  for your small clothes and pulled them off over your head. you were perfect.

he moaned at the sight, before reaching down and pressing his mouth to yours, his hands reaching down to caress your body, the feeling filled with care.

“Aegon?” you spoke up, causing Aegon to lean back and stop.

“what? are you ok?” he asked

you nodded, reaching forward to his breeches, searching for the laces. Aegon let out a laugh, before moving back to take them off. “better?” he asked. you nodded.

he leant down and gave you a kiss before getting in his knees and spreading your legs. he looked up at you a gleam o his eyes, before moving forward, and devouring you. his tounge circling your clit. his hands moved up your legs, leaving goosebumps in there wake. his fingers moved up towards your heat, his fingers teasing your opening. slowly he entered his finger, gods you were right, unexplored. 

pumping in and out of you, you let out moans of pleasure, your peak etching closer and closer, before taking you over whole.

Aegon moved back, wiping his face in the bed sheets, before standing up. 

you looked at him, dazed.

“we don’t have to go any further-“ you interrupted him.

“i want too” you spoke, almost begging.

he nodded, moving you back, further into the bed. 

Moving between your thighs, he pushed in slowly and carefully. 

you felt so full, uncomfortable, before it turned quickly into pleasure. Aegon moved slowly, pumping you full, his body pressed against yours, kissing you deeply. before moving faster, harder. moans filled the room, the pleasure over taking them you both as you once again reached your peak, and Aegon let go, filling you with his seed.

Aegon collapsed further into you, both your breath heavy.

“gods” you sighed. and Aegon nodded in agreement.

As the years passed since your wedding to Aegon. 

you knew you would never forgive him for what he had down, never love him, not like he loved you. 

but you were civil, appeasing. paining the picture of the perfect wife. And Wegon grew more in love.

but deep down you knew that you would never love him, or forgive him, and some part of you would always long for Cregan or mother black loyalist to rise up and name your brother king.

But as you grew older, and had five children, all the image of Aegon, that that day would never come. not as your children grew older. As Jaheara and Aegon wed, and had children of there own. 

And when aegon died at the age of 56, from a summer fever, believing you had forgiven him and loved him, you realised that the greens had won. Even as you watched your son be crowned king, and his son after him.

You never got your happy ending, but the history books would right that you did. That all along you were a green. Switching form one brother to the other.

when in reality you still felt alone, and though you died surrounded by your grandchildren and great grandchildren, you died feeling alone, still feeling like the spoils of war.

Taglist (bold means could not tag)

@taragryenmoony @flrboyd @theanxietyqueen17 @zillahvathek @dark-night-sky-99 @apollonshootafar

to be added to taglist

[miley1442111]

(part 10) final choice- a.donaldson

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summary: after the previous night, something had changed... some choices you both make forces something to happen, something that has been a long time coming.

(dw there are more parts after this :))

pairing: art donaldson x reader, patrick zweig x reader

warnings: angst, depression, hurt, loneliness, eating disorder, SMUT 18+ (not really, just heavy making out), small fluff, etc.

PART 10 of 12

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You stood on the court of the challenger, exhaustion pulling at your tired body. Though, it was truly your mind that was tired. Last night had changed your perspective, changed you. Art was in love with you, still. Even after all this time.

You tried to focus on the game.

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You moved the racket with such precision, your back-hand more powerful than it had ever been, every slide and manoeuvre more calculated and perfect than the last. How was anyone meant to beat you? You were just too good.

HIT.

“We have a winner!”

Stella Riley. She was supposed to be ‘the best’, she hadn’t beat you yet. She’d been undefeated in recent months, and you just broke her streak. Oops.

And that’s how you ended up with a black eye, sitting in the medics tent. Oh, how you loved people who couldn’t just keep their anger in.

The door opened and you didn’t even bother looking, knowing it would be some reporter, or someone from her team begging you not to sue.

But it wasn’t either of those things. It was Patrick, clad in one of his old tennis shirts and a very worried look on his face.

“Are you alright?” He asked, pulling up a chair beside you.

“I’m fine,” you sighed. “Nothing like a punch to the face.”

He chuckled, taking your hand and bringing it to his lips to press soft kisses to the bruised skin. You’d gotten a hit in too, one directly to her jaw, oops. “You were so amazing out there.”

“Thanks Pat,” you smiled softly.

You’d been running into Patrick more in the past few years, things with his dad’s company and other rich-people bullshit you didn’t care about. But, it reminded you of when you were all young, the three of you. Always running around Patrick’s family estate, causing trouble, playing a lot of tennis, and just being kids.

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“I’ll race ya’!” Patrick shouted, running off into the distance. You and Art shared a laugh, then ran after him, tennis rackets in hand. You ran through the foliage of the small forest on the property, Art hot on your heels as you giggled, childhood carefreeness, go-figure.

Ever then you knew. Even then you knew you were in love with Art. Even then it was just growing.

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As much as Patrick would refuse to admit it, he’d grown quite fond of seeing you on a regular basis and he started to see you a… different way. You were beautiful. You were talented. You were nice. You were pleasant to talk to, and clearly lonely. Patrick was lonely too. Patrick wanted you. And he had a plan.

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“I’ll walk you back to your hotel,” he nodded, helping you up. You two walked in a charged silence, his hand holding yours.

The streets were relatively quiet, especially for the time of day. Had you not been lost in thought, still thinking over last night with Art and Lily, maybe you would’ve noticed the paparazzo taking pictures of you and Patrick. Of you and Patrick holding hands. Of you and Patrick looking like a couple.

He walked you up to your room, gave you a hug, and left you to your profound contemplation, a certain smirk plastered on his lips.

He was slightly an asshole.

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Art paced the bathroom of his hotel room, staring at the pictures that had been released. You and Patrick were together. He’d lost you to Patrick, again. But… last night. You’d almost kissed him. You’d held his hand. You’d been there, when Tashi wasn’t. There for him, and for Lily. He’d wanted a night like that for his entire life. Seeing you play a sweet game of tennis with his kid, even if she wasn’t also your kid. Art needed answers.

Art needed you.

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After putting Lily to sleep, he sneaked out of the hotel room as Tashi did the same. You were sitting in your hotel room, staring at the shitty sitcom on the TV as a million thoughts ran through your head. 4 weeks ago your phone had been taken away from you, since you’d tried to call a major news outlet to expose the way you were being treated by your management. You didn’t know about the photos. You didn’t know what Patrick had done.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Go away,” you called to the door, a lit cigarette in hand as you smoked out the window.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

“Fuck’s sake,” you mumbled and unlock the door, Art barging in. “Oh. Hi," you out out your ciagrette, trying to get rid of the smoke.

“What is this?” He asked, eyes frantic as he handed you his phone.

“A photo of me and Patrick?” You answered, looking at it. “He walked me back to my hotel.”

Art looked heartbroken. “So you’re together again?-”

“Who the fuck said that?” you exclaimed.

“The New York Times, The Guardian, the Washington Post-”

“Art, breathe-”

“I do not need to breathe! I need to know if you’re with Patrick again!”

“Why?! Why would it matter?!”

“Just tell me!”

“Tell me why it matters?”

“So you two are together again?!”

“Explain why it matters to you so much?! You’re with Tashi! You’re married!”

“Because if you two are together it means that last night meant nothing… a-and the past decade of my life has been a waste!” He boomed, then stared at you with pleading eyes.

You stared back for a moment. “We’re not together.”

The look of relief on Art’s face was comparable to his face when he wins.

Art moved without thinking, his body reacting to you like he used to. A hand grabbing your waist, the other cupping your face. His lips on yours, his body against you.

Electric.

His touch set everything in you alight. You immediately kissed back, allowing him to lead your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His hair was shorter, but it still felt the same. Soft and curly, none of the awful hair-gel his team put in it. Nothing like the stuff Tashi makes them put in. As he deepened the kiss, his tongue invading your mouth, you felt his hand inch up your top. It had been years since you’d had sex with someone and, were you really about to fuck Art? A father? A married man? Then again, he was also the love of your life.

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He was in heaven. Having his hands on you and your hands on him in return. You tasted the same, you felt the same, but it was all different. You two weren’t 19 anymore. You were adults, and if he went through with what he wanted to do, he’d be an adulterer. But he wouldn’t be the only one. He’d known about Tashi’s cheating for years, but something in him said that he’d come around and love him like you had.

That never happened.

Next was the issue of his… problem. What if he couldn’t get hard? What if he ruined all of this and freaked you out?

When he heard you moan into his mouth as he kissed you, he knew neither of those things would be an issue. God, he was so in love with you, and ridiculously attracted to you.

“Fuck,” he groaned into your mouth, the sloppy kiss breaking apart slightly for the both of you to get some needed air. “Can we-?”

“Yes,” you practically whined. Art nodded, a smirk growing on his face as you both started to strip down to nothing. You laid back on the bed, propping yourself up on your arms as you waited for Art to make the next move. His hand traced your jaw, a smile on his face.

“You’re so beautiful, even with a black eye,” he chuckled. You chuckled, then he kissed you again.

Were you really doing this?

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art donaldson masterlist :)

navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, obx, the bear, marvel, top gun, the hunger games, challengers :)

people who asked to be tagged :)

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[corroded-hellfire]

Like it’s 1999 - Eddie Munson x Reader

An As You Wish Story

Collaboration with the peanut butter to my jelly @munson-blurbs ✨

Summary: Your first New Year’s Eve as Eddie’s girl comes with meeting all his old friends at the Harrington’s party. It turns out to be great fun, but losing track of time leads you to miss out on something you’ve been looking forward to.

Note: Wishing a Happy New Year to all of you lovelies!

Warnings: older!eddie, alcohol consumption, drunkenness, talk about shitty parents (gee, I wonder who)

Words: 4.3k

[As You Wish masterlist]

Walking up to the Harrington house shouldn’t be as daunting as it feels right now. You work here three days a week, bringing Ryan and Luke over to babysit the Munson and Harrington clans together. But you’re not coming here to work today; you’re coming for the New Year’s Eve party Steve and Nancy are throwing. 

The house is now filled with friends and family of the Harrington’s, most of whom you haven’t met. And of the ones you have met, it’s only been a handful of times or in passing since you started babysitting for the Munsons. You’ve been lucky enough to become acquainted with Steve and Nancy over the past months and feel honored enough to call them not just your boyfriend’s friends, but your friends now as well. Max and Lucas will be here and the handful of times you’ve met them have been nice. You’ve had entertaining conversations with Max and even got to spend time with their daughter Tiffany a few times. 

Dustin is another of Eddie’s friends who you’ve seen here and there, but never for long periods of time since he lives too far away to visit regularly. He’s bringing his new girlfriend, Jennifer, tonight, who Eddie has said is great, but this is the first time you’ll be meeting her. And she is just the first one on the list of people you’ll be meeting tonight for the first time. 

Nancy’s little brother Mike and his wife El will be here tonight and you’re just hoping that Mike is as easy to talk to as his sister is. A high school friend named Will is bringing his boyfriend named Cody, but you at least are in the same boat with Eddie on this one because he hasn’t met Cody yet either. And then there’s Robin and Vickie, who you’ve been told have been together since high school. Luckily, Eddie has assured you that Robin can do enough talking for the both of you, so not to worry about any awkward conversations—well, ones with awkward silences, anyway. 

Your slightly uncomfortable, yet enviably cute shoes click as you come to a stop in front of the Harrington’s door. Eddie’s hand squeezes yours and the feeling of his larger hand holding yours so safely has some of your anxiety abating. Eddie had known the moment you two had received the invitation that you would be nervous about this. He left the choice up to you if you wanted to attend or not. Being with Eddie meant getting to know those who are important to him, though. A little discomfort is nothing when you think about it like that.

“We can go, sweetheart,” Eddie tells you now that you’re at the literal threshold of the party. “We don’t have to do this.”

You don’t have to do this is what you know he means. 

With as much fake courage as you can muster, you shake your head and give Eddie the best smile you can manage. “I want to.”

And you do. It’s certainly better than the party your friends from school invited you to tonight. Being in a crowded and smoky bar where you can barely hear yourself think is not your idea of fun. It’s really just an excuse to find someone to kiss at midnight, then take home for some fun for the next few hours until someone gets kicked out and is forced to do the walk of shame. Not something you’d ever been interested in, really. Besides, why be there when you can be with Eddie? 

Your boyfriend knocks on the door and a few moments later a grinning Steve opens it, sporting a pair of novelty “2000” eyeglasses, his hazel brown eyes peering out from the second and third zeroes. There’s music coming from the living room, and you can smell the different hors d'oeuvres that must be set out around the party area. Conversations and laughter float down to the door as well and the prospect of joining in on that makes your tummy do a little flip. 

“Hey, Munson! Lady Munson! Come on in.” Steve’s clearly already gotten into the alcohol. 

Eddie ushers you into the house before him and helps you out of your jacket. Steve takes both of your coats and hangs them in the closet near the front door. The host leads you further into the house and to the room where adults are milling about, glasses of different colored liquor in most hands, and smiles on almost every face. Stepping into this room without any of the children feels odd. This is where you usually wait with the younger ones while the big kids finish up their homework. Part of you wishes the kids were there because they’re always good to use as a bit of a buffer if you need one in social situations. 

Tonight, all Munson and Harrington children are having sleepovers at a grandparent’s house. The Harrington girls are staying with Nancy’s parents, while the boys are with Steve’s. Ryan and Luke are spending the night at Wayne’s, as it’s one of his few precious nights off. 

“You don’t mind that your New Year’s Eve plans are watching the boys?” Eddie had asked.

“Plans? Only plan I have is to take advantage of the night off and get as much sleep as I can.”

“Eddie and the lovely lady that is far too good for him have arrived,” Steve announces to the room. Your cheeks heat up at Steve’s words, but Eddie just rolls his eyes and pushes his friend out of his way. 

It feels like every eye in the room lands on you and it’s making your nerves creep back up. Not everyone is looking at you, you try to assure yourself, but the jitters have settled in and have you feeling self-conscious. What if they don’t like me? you think. These people are practically Eddie’s family. I need them to like me. They’re going to think I’m not good enough. That I’m too young. Too stupid. That I’m just some young girl Eddie decided to have a fun fling with after getting divorced—

Max comes over to your side and it shakes you out of your spiraling thoughts. 

“Hey!” The redhead greets. “It’s so nice to see you again.” She pulls you in for a hug that has your anxious thoughts starting to abate. 

“You too!” you say. “How’s Tiffany?” Can't seem to stop talking about the kids, can you?

“She’s great. Talking and walking now, so a complete handful. Oh!” Max catches the attention of a woman about her height with chin length brown hair who stops and smiles at you. “Have you met El?”

“Nice to meet you.” El timidly but kindly extends her hand and you shake it, beginning an evening of greeting new and familiar faces. 

By the end of your first lap of talking with everyone, you’re pretty sure you remember everyone’s name, but not necessarily how they all relate to one another—-except Mike. The way he and Nancy bicker at one another occasionally keeps it fresh in your mind that he’s her little brother. Not to mention, the drunker Steve gets, the more he begs Mike to call him ‘big bro.’

“You know,” Robin says, nudging Eddie’s arm with her own, “I don’t think we’ve all been together for New Year’s Eve since ‘92.”

Eddie thinks for a moment, rubbing a hand over his mouth and chin. “God,” he says with a laugh. “That was before Luke.”

“And Corroded Coffin performed!” Dustin adds, flashing a smile that seems to be missing a few teeth. 

“You ever see your boyfriend being a rockstar?” Lucas asks, raising his eyebrows at you.

That certainly piques your interest. “I have not.” You turn to Eddie with a giddy smile on your face. 

Sheepishness pinkens Eddie’s cheeks. “I wasn’t a rockstar,” he mumbles, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Max almost chokes on her vodka cranberry and lets out a scoff. “Since when are you modest?” she asks with a cocked brow.  

Eddie narrows his eyes at Max and opens his mouth to speak, but you interrupt first. “Eddie, shhh, I wanna hear about my rockstar boyfriend!” you tease. “Did you have lots of groupies?”

He groans but drapes his arm over your shoulders as his friends begin to tell you about the band.  

“I don’t even like metal, but they were good,” Robin pipes up from where she’s pouring herself another drink.

“They were weekly regulars at this bar,” Dustin explains. “They would sneak us in because we were too young to get into the bar.”

“Actually,” Max says, turning to Eddie, “so were you.”

Eddie shrugs. “I never questioned it.”

“Anyway,” Dustin continues, practically shaking with excitement, “they could play any metal song you could think of. He learned Master of Puppets in a week, and that song is like twelve minutes long.”

“It’s only eight,” Eddie protests, but his friend ignores him completely. 

“Whatever. The point is, Corroded Coffin was probably the best band this town has ever seen, and it’s all because of Eddie.” He nudges him with an elbow to the ribs. “Hey, do the move!”

Eddie coughs, face fully red. “Henderson, I don’t know what you’re—”

“Yes, you do, because you’re totally blushing right now.” Dustin cackles, turning to you. “It was like this hip thrust thing, but to his guitar—”

“Okay, enough!” Eddie’s face is beet-red, burying his head in his hands. Dustin starts in again, but a glass drops in the kitchen, drawing everyone’s attention. 

“Eddie Munson,” you murmur in his ear, taking advantage of this moment alone, “did you go on stage and hump your poor guitar?” Before he can respond, you tug him by his belt loop. “Can I get a private show later?”

He smirks. “Only for you, baby girl.” 

As it typically goes at parties, people mingle around, always popping in and out of different conversations throughout the evening. You and Max sit on a loveseat off to the side of the room, watching Steve, Eddie, Lucas, and Will take shots. The pair of you shake your heads as you observe the men, watching in amusement as Will tries to pour more shots for everyone, no matter how much they decline. 

Max isn’t quite drunk but is definitely past tipsy.

“How are you feeling hanging around with this ragtag bunch of weirdos?” she asks once the entertainment of watching the men has worn off. 

You chuckle and shake your head. “It’s not as scary as I thought it would be, honestly. And I definitely wouldn’t call you guys weirdos.”

Max pauses, biting her cheek. “It’s really nice to see Eddie with someone who actually appreciates him. Who genuinely loves him, y’know.” She lowers her voice. “I’m not trying to turn this into a bitching session about his ex, but—”

“I am!” More than a few drinks in, Nancy slings one arm over your shoulder and the other around Max’s. The scent of vodka wafts from her mouth. “God, she was the worst! I don’t even know what he saw in her.” She wrinkles her nose. “She wasn’t even that pretty. Like, yeah, maybe a little bit, but not enough to make up for being a total hag!” She cackles like it’s the funniest joke in the world. 

Your mind flashes back to how beautiful Brittany actually is, but Nancy’s true drunk feelings warm your heart.

“Yeah, she’s definitely a piece of work,” you say with a humorless chuckle.

“Oh honey,” Max says, “we all know that’s the understatement of the century. She’s a grade A bitch and any time you want to shit talk her, you’ve got a house full of people here ready to chime in.”

“Really?” you ask, raising your eyebrows. “Everyone here hates her?”

“Well, I’m not sure if Cody or Jennifer ever met her, but everyone else, yeah,” Max says with a shrug.

A warmth blooms in your chest. Even though you know Brittany is horrific, and Eddie knows it as well, it’s different to hear it from an outside source. His friends could see the relationship from another perspective, and it seems they came to the same conclusion: Brittany is a spawn of satan. It’s validating and it also makes everyone’s kindness tonight mean that much more to you. 

“One time,” Nancy slurs as she perches herself on the arm of the loveseat, “the four of them were gonna drive to Lake Michigan for a long weekend. Luke was only like…I dunno, maybe 18 months? Anyways, poor little thing had a cough, so Brittany took him to the doctor. She comes home and tells Eddie that Luke’s got the sniffles and they’re all good to go. Turns out, Luke had goddamn pneumonia, but she didn’t want it to ruin her getaway.”

The outrage that is coursing through your veins has you gripping your glass so tightly that you start to lose feeling in your hand.

“How have none of you killed her?” you ask, making sure to keep your voice even when you really want to scream.

“Cause that moron,” Max says, nodding across the room at Eddie, “hadn’t come to his senses yet. Or at least, hadn’t let us know that he had.”

“Thank God he found you,” Nancy says. “For him and the boys.”

“I thank God I found them,” you say, the alcohol you’ve had making you a little more sentimental than usual. Though it’s something you always feel, it’s not something you’d always say out loud to people that aren’t Eddie. 

Across the house, the guys are having their own little meeting. Steve leans against the counter in an attempt to look mysterious and suave, but his swaying gait gives away his inebriated state. 

“Munson, could you stop staring at your girlfriend for two seconds and help me with this tray?” he asks, fumbling with a platter of cheese cubes and crackers. 

“Huh? What?” Eddie stutters, Steve’s words registering after a beat. Heat creeps up the back of his neck: caught red-handed. 

Will slings his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him close enough that Eddie can smell the alcohol on his breath. “Aww, you found your Cody!” Will coos. 

Eddie’s nose scrunches in confusion. “I’m not following, Byers.”

Will rolls his eyes as though this is obvious information that Eddie should already know. “You found someone who makes you feel happy and warm and loved. Someone you wanna marry someday.” He waggles his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, okay.” Eddie tries to play it cool; inside, butterflies flutter in his stomach. Marrying you? Sounds like a dream, one that he’s not sure will ever come to fruition. 

Will is undeterred by Eddie’s sudden shyness, doubling down on his statement. “Hey, listen,” he drunkenly slurs, “I don’t need to be into women to know that she,” he points to you, “is a total upgrade from, well,” he lowers his voice, “y’know.”

Dustin swoops in, sensing that the conversation might nosedive from playful banter to pure discomfort. “Okay, let’s get you some water.” He leads Will away, shushing him as they walk. 

Eddie takes a swig of beer, grateful that the interrogation is over, but then Steve gently adds, “Not to focus on the ex or anything, but you really do seem…I dunno, more like yourself lately. In a way that you didn’t with Brittany.”

“Is that a good thing?” He’d like to think so, but his insecurities often cloud his judgment like a dense fog. 

Steve laughs. “Despite my better judgment, yeah. It is.” He claps him on the back. “She’s a keeper, dude. Don’t fuck it up.”

Eddie chuckles and gives a sheepish shrug of his shoulders. “I’ll try not to.”

Both men look up as they hear footsteps approaching them. Eddie’s brow furrows in concern when he sees tears in your eyes as you walk up to him. He reaches out a hand and you place your smaller one in his.

“What’s got you all upset, Sweetheart?”

You’re too tipsy to properly articulate your emotions after talking with Max and Nancy about how lucky the two of you are to have found each other, so you just murmur, “you.”

Steve laughs and scratches the back of his head. “Guess I spoke too soon.”

You let your hand fall from Eddie’s so you can snake your arms around his middle. Letting your eyes fall closed, you rest your head against your boyfriend’s chest.

“I love you so much,” you mumble.

“I love you too, princess,” Eddie says against your hair before pressing a few kisses there.

Steve can’t help but smile at the interaction between the two of you. It’s so nice to see his best friend in a relationship where he’s appreciated and loved for who he is. The way you both look at one another leaves Steve with no doubt about how happy you make each other. Wanting to give the two of you your privacy, Steve quietly slips away. 

Joy buzzes in your stomach, only amplified by the alcohol in your system. You lift your head from Eddie’s chest and lean up to press your lips against his. The kiss is soft and sweet, with no urgency. When the two of you finally part, your boyfriend chuckles and licks over his lips.

“Had vodka, huh?” he asks.

“Do I taste like it?” You giggle. “You taste like beer. And a little like rum.”

“That’s ‘cause I had a shot of rum and have been nursing my beer for an hour,” he says, fingers tracing patterns over the soft fabric of your sweater covering your back. 

“‘N you’re not drunk,” you state.

“I’ve got a pretty high tolerance, baby. Plus, need to be able to drive us home later. Got some precious cargo right here,” he says as he pulls your body up against his. “Are you having fun?”

“Yeah,” you tell him, grinning as you think about the good time you’re having with Eddie’s old friends. “I like your friends. Will’s funny.”

“Will is plastered,” Eddie says with a chuckle. 

Before you get a chance to respond, Robin is tugging on your arm and whining about how you can kiss Eddie anytime. Eddie reluctantly lets you go, playfully rolling his eyes as you’re pulled away. It makes you giggle before taking control of your own feet again and following Robin toward an empty spot on a couch.

Robin asks you about school, how you like it, what classes you’re taking next semester, and what you’re studying. At first, it seems like these are generic questions that someone asks of a college student, which confuses you because you’d thought you and Robin would be past that stage by now. But as she keeps talking, Robin reveals that she’s been thinking about going back to school and wants to know more about what it's like. Once you know that, you’re able to give her more detailed information about what it's like on campus rather than give the stilted, robotic answers you tend to give when asked the basic questions. 

Vickie slips into your conversation at some point, followed by Mike, Dustin, and Jennifer. Your drink keeps getting refilled to where you’re not sure how much you’ve had to drink by the time the conversation peters out. The only thought that can get any traction in your brain is how badly you need to use the bathroom after drinking so much.

You excuse yourself from the group and make your way towards the hallway where the kids’ rooms are. This area of the house is as familiar to you as the back of your hand from working here so much, which is a good thing as you stagger with next to no coordination. Once the bathroom door is shut behind you, it takes all of your concentration to focus on what you have to do. That leaves no brain power to pick up on the cheering that’s coming from out in the living room. 

Out amongst his friends, Eddie’s asking where you are, and Vickie is the one to tell him that she saw you headed towards the bathroom. Eddie thanks her and heads towards the back of the house, eager to get to you as the time until midnight shrinks by the second. Your boyfriend turns the corner and is about to knock on the bathroom door when he sees that it’s wide open. He pokes his head inside and it looks like the room hasn’t been touched the whole evening. Realization hitting him, Eddie groans and rubs a hand over his face.

“God damn it, Harrington. Why is your house so big?”

He makes his way back towards the front of the house, figuring out that you must be using the bathroom in the front hallway, the one you’d be most likely to use when you’re here watching the kids. The buzzing house makes it difficult for Eddie to navigate his way to you as quickly as he wants, knowing how upset you’ll be if you miss your midnight kiss. Eddie swears under his breath as he looks down at his watch and it tells him it’s 12:01. Finally arriving at the right bathroom, he knocks on the door.

It swings inward and you step out, grinning when you see Eddie there.

“Hi!”

Even in his frustration, Eddie can’t help but smile at your excitement at seeing him—alcohol-fueled or not.

“Sweetheart,” he starts, taking your hand and pulling you close to his chest. “It’s after midnight.”

“No, it’s not,” you say with a shake of your head. “Cause at midnight we gotta kiss.”

“We missed it, princess,” he tells you, keeping his voice soft.

It takes your brain longer than normal to process his words, but once it does, a frown pulls at your mouth and your eyes get wide. Eddie shouldn’t think it’s as adorable as he does.

“It’s my fault,” you say. “I-I was in the bathroom. I didn’t know what time it was!”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Eddie says, wrapping both of his arms around you. He rubs his hand up and down your back, soothingly. “It’s not your fault. “I tried to come get you and I was late, too.”

“We missed our first New Year’s Eve kiss.” With a whine, you bury your face in Eddie’s chest as tears begin to fall. Strong arms hold you tightly and the weight of Eddie’s head rests against the top of your own.

“Do you want to go back out to the party?” Eddie asks after a few minutes of just holding you.

Sniffling, you shake your head.

“M’sorry, Eddie.”

“Hey.” Eddie cups your face in his hands and tilts your head up. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You and I are going to have New Year’s kisses together for the rest of our lives. And I plan on kissing you every day for the rest of forever, even after we’re dead.” Eddie feels the tightness in his chest lessen as you let out a small giggle at his joke. “So, one late kiss is nothing, sweetheart.” He leans in and presses his lips gently against yours, trying to convey the love and adoration he has for you as he cradles your face. When you pull back, Eddie raises his eyebrows at you in question—did that help?

Much to Eddie’s relief, you nod and wipe your eyes. They’re still sore and puffy, but that will fade. Plus, that’s easy to blame on alcohol consumption. 

“Do you want to go home?” Eddie asks.

You shake your head.

“We can stay a little longer,” you say.

“We don’t have to.”

“Wanna have more fun with you.”

That has a small smile growing on your boyfriend’s face.

“I like the sound of that.”

The party winds down now that midnight has passed, and you and Eddie stay for a little while longer. As guests start to leave, you find yourself mingling with everyone and sharing last laughs with his old friends. Eventually, you and Eddie bid those who haven’t left yet goodnight and head back to his apartment. 

By the time you arrive home, it’s almost one in the morning. Eddie tosses his keys down on the counter while you shuffle into the kitchen for a glass of water. Sleepily, Eddie follows in behind you but perks up with a smile when he glances at the clock.

“Hey, princess?”

“Hmm?”

“C’mere.”

Body just going through the motions in your tired state, you put the glass down and Eddie tugs you up against his body.

“It’s almost one,” he whispers.

“Okay,” you say, though it sounds more like a question.

“It’s about to be the New Year in the next time zone. So, if we kiss at one, I think that counts as a New Year’s kiss. Don’t you?”

Understanding fights its way through your hazy brain until it clicks. A small smile lights up your face as you nod.

“That sounds like a good plan to me.”

Eddie turns his head to look at the clock on the wall, the second hand racing around towards the nine. Your eyes track the ticking of the thin black line as well, holding your breath as you wait for the hour to strike.

Just as the second hand lands on the twelve, Eddie tilts your chin up and catches your lips with his own. A warm and fuzzy feeling that has nothing to do with your drinking envelops your body as you wrap your arms around his neck. Eddie’s hands rest firmly on your waist, holding onto you as if his life depended on it.

When you part, you rest your foreheads against one another’s. The small, dark apartment shrouds the two of you in shadow, only a sliver of the moon shining in the window giving you enough light to see each other by. The night is quiet around you, no movement breaking the peace as you and Eddie simply gaze into one another’s eyes.

“Happy New Year’s, baby.”

[thesunloveschips]

Eye of the Storm - Chapter 14: To Know Is To Love

Summary: In the wake of Rhysand’s ascension as High Lord, the Bone Carver gifts a prophecy. More than five hundred years later, Azriel continues to wait for the one who is finally reborn as his High Lady’s sister. All it takes a dip in the Cauldron for things to start falling into place.

Chapter Summary: NyraxAzriel, NestaxCassian, and then they move to the townhouse.

Word count: 6.4k (Enjoy!!)

Click here to access the Masterlist of the Eye of the Storm

****

People often have expectations about how their interactions with others would turn out. Introverts often imagine those conversations, practise their monologues and dialogues, imagine what the other person would say or how they would react—all quite similar to a script rehearsal they plan out during a bath.  

Our favourite shadowsinger had also imagined that after a good spar with Cassian, he would be in complete control of his faculties around Nyra. 

No uncontrollable arousals, no imaginations of a happy married life, and certainly not acting on his fantasies and actually leaning forward to kiss her and then being forced to find an excuse for why he was leaning towards her in the first place. 

He had imagined that she’d be there at breakfast and he would only have to be polite to her, take her to Amren’s flat, and fuck off to perform his Spymaster duties till Feyre had finished her morning training with Cassian. 

And did any of it go according to plan? 

Certainly, not. The author of his life seemed to like tormenting him by having Nyra wear pants. Or by making her so undeniably beautiful. Or by simply writing his mate into existence. 

Were the shadows of any help to him? No, of course not. If the little shits had their way, they’d be the ones mated to her instead of him. They’d certainly take initiative and ask her hand in marriage or run away with her into the sunset. 

And then again, what was a male supposed to do when his mate, who does not know she’s his mate, wears pants? 

What was an introvert supposed to do when his mate wears pants? 

Of course, he’d behave like everything was perfectly normal while being a disaster inwardly. 

This was torture. He was being fucked by the Cauldron, by the Mother, by Fate or whatever force that was responsible for these events. 

Did anybody in any universe care to tell him how undeniably soft Nyra’s thighs looked? Did anybody take pity on his cock and tell him that she would be wearing pants and that he would feel that delicious ache again? Did anybody even bother dropping a hint?

No. 

Because whatever force governed his life right now was clearly being a pain in the ass. 

The shadows refrained from crawling around her legs. The absence of skirts meant that they were going to simply stop at a feet’s distance and then swarm up to play with her hands. 

Oh, how fucking proper the slithering little bastards were. 

Breakfast had been a frustrating event. Nyra had been distant, flirty, childlike, and irritated all within thirty something minutes. He left the dining area for his rooms after telling his family that he’d be back in ten minutes and he found her waiting on the balcony with Nesta. The twins were appreciating the silence when Cassian and Azriel made their appearance. 

Nesta soon walked over to Cassian, leaving Nyra no choice but the shadowsinger. She looked at him and they continued to stare at each other until Azriel admitted defeat with a smirk and walked over. It was not as if he had enough patience to stay away either. 

“Still need convincing that I’m alright?” He teased. Nyra looked at him, particularly disbelieving. “Why would I lie to you?” He added. 

“You seem like the type who’d do anything to prevent others from worrying over you.” Nyra shot back, striking true. “And for some inexplicable reason, I don’t like that.” 

“You want to worry for me?”

“And what if I want to?” Nyra challenged him. Azriel had no reply. It seemed his ability to form words had been ripped away and he wanted to run. 

“So, let me understand you correctly. You’re not believing me because you think I’m the kind of person who doesn’t let others worry about me?” Azriel felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was anxious about what she’d say now and even when she hadn’t said anything, he was still waiting.

“You missed the part where I said I don’t like that.” And her words gave him the ability to breathe. Or permitted him to breathe. Same thing anyway.

“Do you care?”

“Care for what?” She asked. Nyra wanted to hear it from him. Whether Azriel would accept being cared for. 

“Care for. . . me?” He added the last word after a pause, as though he was taking a risk while saying these three words.

“Don’t ask such a ridiculous question.” Azriel felt his world drain of life. “Of course, I do. That much is obvious.” And the way his soul rose to the clouds and basked under the warmth of the sun at dawn, Azriel truly believed that there was something good and beautiful in the world and that was her. 

And then he studied her posture, her expression, her tone, and realised with all the joy that Nyra tried to behave as though she was angry and tough when in fact, she was already worried. 

He covered his mouth with a hand, turned to the side, and walked a couple of steps, unable to contain the smile on his face. 

Joy was everywhere. In the blue grey skies, in the cool morning breeze, in his bleeding pumping heart. He wanted her against his skin. Against his fucking soul. This magnificent person and her ability to feel so much. To feel for him. 

Even without acceptance, Azriel truly felt overjoyed that she was his mate. That the bond eventually led to this incredible person who was nothing short of a blessing for his dirty self. Like five hundred years of agonising wait had been more than worth it because Nyra was more. 

She felt more. 

She spoke more. 

She suffered more. 

She expressed more. 

And she was more than he’d ever be. 

She was infinite. 

“What?” Nyra asked, playfully annoyed. She followed him, placed a hand on his arm, and turned him towards her. The smile that he tried to conceal with his hand was like the moon being hidden by clouds—an unsuccessful attempt at hiding the beauty of it. 

And Nyra just stared because who wouldn’t want to look at the moon? Who wouldn’t want to look at Azriel? 

“I’m fine. Truly. Do you want me to take you to the healer who treated me? Or do you want to examine me yourself? Whatever it is, do it. Whatever you need to be convinced that I am indeed healthy.” 

Nyra looked away, bashful. “There’s no need for such a speech.” 

“With the way you were determined to remain unconvinced of my status as a healthy male, I’d say there’s even a need for thoughtful letters and poetry recitals.”

“Rather cheeky in the morning, aren’t you?” Nyra was pleasantly surprised at this side of Azriel. And this, she decided, she liked. 

“Rather stubborn in the morning, aren’t you?” Azriel smiled and the pleasant breeze of the cool morning kissed her. Her danced with the wind behind her and Azriel was very happy at this moment. Nyra couldn’t help her smile that bloomed in response to his own and even when she tried to conceal it with her own hand, she knew that Azriel had seen her. 

Nyra looked at him with this wave of tranquillity that now washed over them and Azriel closed his eyes, enjoying the silence. She looked over at the city that she would visit for the first time—the first place filled with people now that her life and health were no longer affected by that damned illness. Anxiety crawled in her stomach and made her uneasy.

“What is it?” Azriel asked. He seemed to know of all her troubles and worries. 

“I. . .” It was embarrassing. To be so afraid of going to the city and of the people who lived there. What would she see there? She didn’t even know anyone there and she was already afraid. “I. . .” She tried again and failed. Azriel was still looking at her expectantly and she felt like she’d be disappointing him. 

And Azriel, who had been feeling all of this through the bond, was absolutely not ready to let her feel any less of herself. 

“You’ll be visiting Velaris for the first time.” He tried to be casual about it, as if he did not feel her feelings like his own. “It’s a beautiful place but for the foreseeable future, you’ll be spending time in Amren’s flat.”

And Nyra ate those words like food for her soul. Thank gods she did not have to bother with anything like meeting people. At least not for now. 

“You can still admire the city from her balcony. She lives in a good area with a nice bakery nearby. Their cheesecakes are quite famous.” Azriel knew how much desserts affected her. He could lure her into nearly anything with cakes. 

“Don’t you talk about cakes to me. Where’s the chocolate cake you promised me yesterday?” Nyra asked, completely forgetting people and with her thoughts surrounding cakes. 

“You will see more of me today. After your lessons, we’re having that cake.” There was so much determination in his voice but Nyra still looked unconvinced. Azriel noticed that. He chuckled. “Promise.”

“Promise?” She repeated, doubtfully.

“Promise.” The shadowsinger affirmed. A tingling sensation sparked behind Nyra’s right ear and her hand immediately flew there. 

“That’s a tattoo.” Her head turned to him to reveal the ear as she touched it and the skin behind it with her fingers. 

“A tattoo of?” She turned her head properly and revealed the skin where she had felt that odd little feeling. 

Azriel leaned a bit forward, examining it with a fondness settled over his face. “A star.” 

“Sounds nice.” She touched that spot and caressed it with her finger.

“Shall we leave?” Nyra looked at him and nodded. The two of them headed towards Nesta and Cassian who were talking to each other. Either it was a conversation or it was Cassian teasing Nesta too much and digging his own grave. 

****

When Cassian saw Nesta walking towards him for the flight to Amren’s residence, he had to look and look again to confirm if this was happening in reality or if his fantasies of Nesta had somehow created an illusion. He was certain that with the way he grinned at her after meeting her gaze while she blushed, she would’ve ignored his existence for the day. 

But when Nesta reached him and he was sure this was reality, the General swallowed his own spit and looked over to the brother who was not brooding as much as he had been these past centuries. Life seemed to have bloomed within the shadowsinger. 

Said shadowsinger and a particular Archeron were having a very enjoyable conversation if his brooding brother’s smiling face was anything to go by. 

“Do you hope for something between them?” Nesta looked at him, brows furrowed and completely irritated at being reminded of his existence. 

Cassian smiled brightly at her. Her expression softened for a brief moment before she replaced it with the stone cold exterior. He took that fleeting moment of her softness towards him and preserved it in a corner of his heart as she looked back at her twin and the shadowsinger. 

“They are befriending each other.” Nesta spoke after a moment. “She’s never had friends.”

“She’s had you.” Cassian did not know what else to say. Or how much he should say. Nesta was easily triggered into the most intense of emotions and he was still learning. 

“I’m her sister. A friend might help her be herself.” 

Nesta Archeron stood like a proud queen and yet, the way every part of her thawed for her twin had thoroughly shocked him. This was a privilege she’d afforded to Elain too but never Feyre. With Feyre, she seemed to sharpen herself even more. 

“Why did you not treat Feyre like that?” Cassian regretted asking as soon as the words tumbled out of his mouth and cursed himself.

“That’s none of your business.” She all but snarled. Nesta glared at him and even with all her anger, her power did not flare up. 

“It is my business since she’s my family now.” And when Cassian said those words, he watched as she looked as though she’d been slapped even though Cassian knew that he was the one who should’ve been slapped that instant. The bond between the sisters was their own and he never had the right to question it. And now, he’d overstepped some boundaries just when he was starting to have a proper conversation with her. 

“If you mean to imply that she’s your sister and no longer mine-” 

“No! No, no, no. She’s not any less your sister now that she’s a part of my family.” 

“You’re Rhys’s brother.” Nesta began. “She’s your sister-in-law.” Feyre was better off with her new family anyway. Nesta looked back at Nyra wondering whether she was also better off with these people than being stuck with her because Nesta knew that she was nothing and would never amount to anything. Nyra might be her twin but she deserved the heavens at her feet and Nesta deserved nothing. 

“And what if Nyra and Azriel choose to be together? What if Nyra becomes my sister-in-law?” Cassian knew that he should’ve shut up long ago. Knew that he should’ve stopped lest he provoke Nesta any further but he couldn’t hold his tongue around her. He wanted to talk to her and he wanted her to talk to him and this conversation was becoming one of the most precious memories in his life even though it was headed to shit.

“Because they’re mates?”

“You know of the bond?” Cassian was thoroughly surprised. 

“I suspected as much.”

“How?”

“For someone who's the Spymaster, his utter lack of subtlety is laughable.” She threw Azriel a glance and then looked at the sky, wondering how she would have managed a flight if she were wearing a gown. But then again she didn’t know how exactly were they supposed to fly. Cassian did look strong enough to carry her and pin her against a. . . No, no, no. Maybe there would be a carriage. Or a horse. A flying horse. Yes. 

Cassian could not find anything insulting about the tone she’d used while talking about Azriel. In fact, it could even pass as a lighthearted comment—a joke even. “You did not answer my question. What happens if Nyra and Azriel accept the bond?”

Nesta threw him a withering glance. “Then I’ll have a brother-in-law I actually like.” 

“It also means that you’ll be more connected to our family.” 

Nesta remained stone faced. She gave him a withering glance and looked back at the two people around whom the shadows and awkwardness floated in equal measure. “I’ll count my stars.”

“When are we leaving?” Nesta asked after a moment of silence. She turned to look at him and Cassian had to focus to stand straight. 

“Shall we?” Cassian held a hand out. Nesta looked at it before slowly giving him her hand. 

“What exactly will we be doing?” 

Cassian did not understand what she was saying. They were supposed to leave. There was no time to do anything unless she wanted a bathroom break. 

Upon noticing his confusion, Nesta spoke. “I was informed that you would take us to Amren and for that we’ll be flying. I don’t understand how that works. How will you be taking me?” 

Cassian would’ve spat out anything if he were eating or drinking at the moment. The way she asked how he would be taking her in that utterly casual tone was not what he expected. 

“How would you like me to take you?” Cassian asked, his voice growing heavy. 

Nesta’s eyes darkened at the implication. Desire and wrath waged a war within her. And she really couldn’t understand. “I should send you to your grave.” 

“A graveyard doesn’t sound so appealing for what I have in mind, Nesta Archeron.” Cassian took a step closer.

“Are we interrupting something?” Azriel’s amused voice spoke. And the light heartedness in his voice made it completely evident that the shadowsinger was in a good mood. Cassian looked at Nyra who was as happy as she could be considering the present circumstance. 

“Nothing at all.” Nesta replied. 

Cassian realised that she was always polite to Azriel in a way she never was with Rhysand. Officially speaking, the latter was her brother-in-law. Her family. But Nesta never acknowledged Rhys to be anything but her sister’s husband and never a brother. On the contrary, Azriel was already more Nesta’s brother than Rhysand would ever be in the foreseeable future. 

The shadowsinger had brought the sisters books, spent time with them while they were mortal, actually putting in an effort to know them as people and let them know him as much as his reserved self could allow. Back then, Cassian had wondered if this was because Azriel cared for Feyre enough to be someone with whom she could talk to about her mortal sisters long after they’d passed away, particularly the ill Nyra who was the weakest. 

It made sense seeing as only Azriel had the emotional depth to think of such a thing but soon enough, Cassian could see that Azriel genuinely enjoyed his visits to the mortal sisters of his High Lady to the point where the general had entrusted those duties to him after Nesta called him a pigeon the day he licked her neck. 

With Rhysand, Feyre had gained a family by virtue of that mating bond but Rhys did not. Cassian knew Azriel would not only get a mate if Nyra accepted him but he would also get a family. Nesta liked Azriel as much as she could like others. Elain would probably come around.

Cassian could imagine the Archerons and Azriel sitting together and talking because they wanted to. With Rhys, conversation would probably only be a formality. The last thought pained him as he remembered that Nyra, in her previous life, was Maia, the beloved baby sister of his High Lord. He never really asked Rhys about what he thought about the same soul returning to their lives not only as Azriel’s mate but also as a sister-in-law.

“Shall we leave?” Azriel held a hand out for Nyra that she took without much hesitation. Surprise graced her features when Azriel bent down to place his arm behind her legs and carry her. “Hold on tight.” Nyra simply nodded and continued to watch his face as Azriel stretched his wings and shot into the sky with her. 

****

“I hope you don’t need any more convincing that I am capable of flight.” 

“Oh no, do spread your wonderfully large wings and take me all over the world.” Azriel blushed at the compliment she threw at his wings. Agony would not even begin to describe his desires and the strict prohibitions against fulfilling them. She didn’t even know what big wings were supposed to imply and mid-air was not the best location to be aroused.  

“Yes, my lady.” And Azriel began flying at a pace slower than he used to. 

Heavens, where was control when he needed it? And just when he thought he had it, this female had to go and say something or breathe or exist and all that ironclad self control he’d honed for centuries came crumbling down like powder.

“You can fly a bit faster, you know.” Nyra curiously looked at him. 

“Just a bit?” He cheekily asked. 

“Never mind.” But Azriel increased his speed to his usual level and Nyra hummed in satisfaction. She let her head rest against his chest and there was that soothing sound again. The sound that had held her soul and rocked her to sleep in the realm of the shadows. And before Azriel realised it, Nyra had fallen asleep in his arms. 

****

Amren was a very thorough teacher. Upon their arrival, she had quizzed them and was very pleased to know that the sisters had read at least some of the books. Her instruction began and it did not take much time for the twins to understand that she was not going to follow conventional methods. 

Days passed. Amren had taught the twins how to shield, sense magical and life signatures, and to start summoning their power. Power or magic or sorcery or whatever it was called, the twins did it well. Nesta’s flames were unheard of and that posed some very basic questions for which there was no answer. Lightning was not completely unfamiliar but no known wielder of that element ever existed. Amren herself could summon the roar of thunder but lightning did not come to her whereas with Nyra, the element had completely submitted to her. 

Amren studied their powers for weeks before she realised with certainty that Nyra’s powers were not limited to lightning but included the weather as a whole. Her strongest emotions easily affected the weather. Rainy days meant she was sad. Thunder represented anger. Clear skies signified peace and calm. 

Nesta’s power was far too unknown so Rhysand and Morrigan usually watched nearby whenever the flame-wielding Archeron used her power. It did not burn things and turn them to ash and dust. The flames sucked the life out of anything it lit. After all, there was a difference between a rotten vegetable and a burnt vegetable. 

Amren soon decreed for Lucien Vanserra to join as an instructor and he was the object of disgust from the female he was to teach. Nyra observed this male with interest as he spoke to Nesta about how he summoned and powered his flames. She knew that Nesta would keep aside her anger and absorb knowledge for the sake of knowledge but even then, these interactions were treading on thin ice. 

Nyra remembered Elain who had wept and mourned as the day of her wedding passed. Nesta had shown a rare moment of compassion and hugged Elain till she passed out from exhaustion. She still hadn’t consumed food and water as much as she should. 

One of Nesta’s lessons ended with Lucien asking about Elain. 

“Severely traumatised and malnourished, all thanks to you. Shall I drain you of life as a token of my gratitude?” Nesta’s flames covered her hand and Nyra placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. 

“You’ll have enough prey to hunt and kill during the war, Nesta Archeron.” Amren spoke. “This one is still useful.”

“Oh, we certainly saw his usefulness in Hybern.” Nesta spat. 

Nyra tightened her grip on her twin’s shoulder. “You do anything to him and Elain might feel something. She might get hurt.” 

Nesta’s flames were no more but the silver in her eyes remained. “You try anything and I will gut you like a fish.” 

She spun on her heel and walked over to Amren and the two of them started discussing something. 

“Thank you, my lady.” Lucien addressed Nyra as he bowed at the waist, ever the impeccable courtier.

“You’re only allowed to live because of Elain.” Nyra mused very calmly. Lucien paled at the glare the shadowsinger shot him from a distance, who would’ve definitely taken him to some torture chamber had not the mating bond with Elain existed. 

“But then again, you’re rather interesting.” She looked up at the sky and the few clouds here and there. Lucien followed her gaze and noted that it was a pleasant day. And it would remain a pleasant day for Nyra and his death day if the shadowsinger wished for it but Azriel probably did not want Nyra to be upset by whatever Elain might feel after his death. 

“Why?” She asked. “Why are you who you are?”

Lucien did not know what was the correct answer to this. Was it his childhood as an unloved boy surrounded by an evil father, a depressed mother, and six deranged brothers? Was it his roguish youth when he met Jesminda? Was it when he ran away to Spring or was it now that he had fled Spring after a mating bond had snapped? 

“I honestly don't know.”  

“Well,” Nyra drawled. “If you do find out before your death, do tell me. Your complexity is a curious case.”

Silver flames lit up a tree, starting from the base to the very top of it. And the flame disappeared from the base itself. The tree which had been lush was now dry enough to be mistaken for belonging to the desert. 

Nyra watched the flames and then watched Nesta who stood near the trunk with a solemn expression. Nesta turned to her and Nyra knew that she was afraid of this power. The power to inflict death so easily. Nyra raised her hand and lightning sparked between her fingers. Her eyes were brighter. The heavens roared and a flash of lightning hit the tree next to her, felling it almost immediately. She looked at Nesta and then shrugged her shoulders. It was a message to her—that Nesta was not alone. 

“What did that poor tree do to you?” Azriel’s deep voice seemed to travel through her spine, alerting all her senses. 

“Exist in the vicinity.” Nyra replied, not looking at him. One look and she’d melt because how could one person be so flawless? Brilliant sense of humour. Understanding to the point where Nyra sometimes wondered if he was real or fictional. Caring and gentle and doting—he practically spoiled her. Anything she asked—books, cakes, company—he gave. And his laugh, so full of life and joy. And don’t even get her started on his looks.  

“Since when was existing an offence punishable by death?” Azriel asked, leaning against one of them with his hands in his pockets. Today, he was wearing something other than his Illyrian leathers. Something casual like pants. 

Azriel found Nyra heartbreakingly beautiful this morning—like a forbidden fruit. He couldn’t act on his feelings. Not when a war had already begun with the transition of the Arhceron sisters being the beginning of it but if this is all he’d get, then he would choose to live this life over and over. 

“It is for anything that annoys me.”

“It seems like I’m not doing a good enough job at annoying you if you haven’t struck me with lightning.” He was leaning against the tree, existing so casually gracefully with arms crossed against his chest. His shadows, of course, had abandoned him as soon as he was in Nyra’s presence.

Nyra turned to him, utterly unimpressed. “My lightning doesn’t hurt you anyway.” Thank gods, she was finally convinced of that. 

“But that was not yours, was it?” Azriel had seen her own lightning on her fingertips but the one that struck the tree was summoned from the skies. “You used your power but you summoned lightning from elsewhere, perhaps its source is somewhere in the skies.”

“You observe me too closely.”

“I observe you at the exact measure I should be.” And Azriel could not stop looking away. Could not stop staying away. As much as his instincts roared at him to protect, he recognised the power she harboured. Far beyond what Rhysand possessed. 

“As the Spymaster of the Night Court?”

“As your friend and your youngest sister’s brother-in-law.”

“Does that make you my brother-in-law?”

Azriel wanted to vomit at the thought of being Nyra’s brother. That would be single-handedly the worst thing to happen. 

“No.” He slowly began. “That makes me Feyre’s brother-in-law, not yours.” 

“Hmm.” Nyra and Azriel turned towards Cassian and Nesta when the pair had begun bickering loudly. “I don’t know if he wants to become my brother-in-law or end up in a grave.”

“He might end up surprising you.”

“And achieve both? Even though he’s closer to the grave than to Nesta’s bedroom?” Nyra looked at him, a faint hint of amusement. 

Azriel chuckled and then replied. “That’s actually a huge possibility.” And after a while of enjoying the banter of the General and the mistress of the silver flames, Azriel asked. “Have you found anything you liked?”

“Books.”

“And?” 

“Food.”

“And?”

“Languages.”

“Interested in diplomacy?”

“Interested in new cultures but not people.”

“Do you wish to travel? After the war?”

“Will there be an after?”

“There will be.” He spoke, determined to give his life for it.

“If you’re thinking of being a self-sacrificing moron, let me inform you right now that I will kill you. I’ll bring you back from the dead and then kill you and then resurrect you again.”

“It’s my duty to my Court.” 

“And your duty to yourself?” Azriel remained silent. His duty to himself was to her. 

“I don’t even know if this is where I belong.” Nyra sighed. This thought had been haunting her for quite some time.

“What?”

“The Night Court. We’re here because of Feyre but do we truly belong?”

“Why do you say that?” Azriel did not know if he should be panicking right now but his shadows were already still.

“Feyre found her mate and a family here. Initially, she did have something in Spring but she found all of herself in Night. What if I find myself somewhere else? What if my sisters find themselves elsewhere? Then we would belong elsewhere.” Nyra wondered what else she’d be exposed to now that she was fae. 

But no place would be far enough for Azriel or his heart. It would always be hers, beating for her, waiting for her but he recognised that Nyra’s thoughts were not silly. They were legitimate doubts.

“Wherever you belong to, wherever you find yourself, you’ll always have a place in the Night Court.” Rhysand joined them. His eyes had lost their stars. 

Nyra remained quiet for a while. “I want to meet my father.”

Azriel looked at her. He noted that her tone did not have any daughterly affection or any filial piety. She was rather formal while mentioning her father. Nyra looked down at her palms and the lightning they could wield. “I want clarity on a lot of things.” And she refused to speak further. 

“Alright. I’ll keep an eye out. Could you describe his appearance?” And Nyra told him every single thing. Facial structures, all visible marks and moles, names of known associates and their affiliations, possible locations.

“You did not inherit your father’s hair colour.” Rhysand noted. He’d seen his father-in-law through Feyre’s memories. “Inherited the shape of his eyes, perhaps. Rounder and more feminine, of course.” And Rhys sent Azriel a picture of the father his shadows had kept to themselves.  

“Elain and I inherited his curls but the hair colour was from our mother.” And then she was looking at Feyre. “Feyre inherited his smile, or so Nesta says. I’m not good at identifying facial resemblances.”

A moment of silence washed over them. Azriel sighed when he realised that his shadows had delegated the work among themselves and a few of them had gone off in search of her father. The others that had taken to playing with Nyra’s hands or hair were obviously fawning over her. She’d strictly demanded that they stay away from any part of her whenever she wielded lightning and the bastards would always never stay away from her. 

“Your hair is less curlier than when I first met you.” Azriel pointed out. He’d noticed it the first time but he did not know if it was appropriate to speak of back then but now, it felt like it was okay.  

“More manageable, I’d say.” Nyra’s hand went to her hair. What used to be in coils was now in soft waves with the tips curly upwards and defying gravity in the semi-circles. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my curls but I am not the best at taking care of my own hair and I really need manageable hair if I’m going to groom myself into looking presentable.” 

****

The day they were supposed to visit the Hewn City, Azriel felt a stab-like pain on his abdomen. There was nothing seemingly wrong with him and then it was revealed that Nyra’s cycle had begun and the pain was flowing towards him. But nobody could actually identify from Nyra’s expressions that she was in pain. And while Feyre had begun explaining how fae cycles worked, she asked. “Are you in pain right now?”

“Yes.” Nyra answered. Nesta sighed, knowing where this conversation was headed for. She looked back and saw Azriel, clenching his fists and she raised an eyebrow at him. He simply closed his eyes and shook his head at her. Nesta watched with false boredom as Feyre inquired after her seemingly normal behaviour. 

“My tolerance for pain is very high.” Silence followed. “I can endure this.”

“Just because you can endure doesn't mean you must.” Morrigan walked over with a cup of tea. “This is a tea my aunt used to take for the pains.” Rhysand sat straight as he watched Nyra enjoy the smell of that tea and take a sip.

“That is sickeningly sweet. How do you even drink this?” And the High Lord paled. Maia had made the same comment every time she prepared that tea for their mother and Mor. Rhys remembered teasing her about how she’d need it when her own cycle began and the poor girl did not even live long enough for that. 

“Oh, the sweetness is from a herb. Auntie knew much about herbs.” Mor remarked with a concerned look.

Of course, Rhysand’s mother knew about herbs. The female had done everything to postpone her bleeding before it happened and she met the lowlife that was his father. Rhys watched Nyra’s disgusted expression even as she drank the tea. And this female who was now his mate’s sister fell asleep right then and there with her head on her twin’s lap and Nesta began patting her head gently. 

That night, they’d moved to the townhouse, Nyra found herself wanting to go on a walk but Nesta was busy vomiting after Rhys flew too fast and Elain had sat next to her on the sofa and laid her head down on Nyra’s lap. Nyra felt a relief when Elain’s head was pressed against her lower abdomen. 

When Nesta exited the bathroom still nauseous but angry enough for her power to burn, Cassian stood in her way. She was angry at Rhys and her eyes melted into silver and when she took a step towards the High Lord, Cassian spoke. “Do you know that the last time I got into a brawl in this house, I was kicked out for a month?” 

Nesta’s burning gaze slid to him. “It was Amren’s fault, of course, but no one believed me. And no one dared banish her.” Nesta’s eyes returned to its own shade of blue and she regained herself. She saw everyone watching her apprehensively. Nyra watched her like this was an everyday occurrence. 

“What are you?” It was Lucien who asked that question and Nesta looked at him assessingly.

“I made it give something back.” And there was the haunting of the Cauldron in the room. “I wish to go to my room.” Once Feyre had given her the directions to her room, Nesta nodded at Nyra once and left the living area. 

“Is that sort of thing even possible? For someone to take from the Cauldron’s essence?”

“It would seem so.” Rhys turned to Lucien. “The flame in her eyes was not of your usual sort, I take it.” 

“No. It spoke to nothing in my own arsenal. That was. . . Ice so cold it burned. Ice and yet. . . fluid like flame. Or flame made of ice.”

“I think it’s death.” Feyre’s voice was barely a whisper as she held Rhysand’s gaze. “I think the power is death—death made flesh. Or whatever power the Cauldron holds over such things. That’s why the Carver heard it—heard about her.” 

“Mother above.” Lucien muttered, running a hand through his hair. 

“Only Nesta would not just conquer Death—but pillage it.” And all eyes now turned to Nyra who simply watched them, thoroughly amused by their assumptions. 

“Oh, do go on. I’m loving your thoughts on this.”

“Did you take something?” Feyre dared to ask.

“I thought you were talking about Nesta.”

“Her flames are not of this world.” Lucien noted. 

“Correct.” Elain was the one who spoke. She rose from Nyra’s lap and looked at Lucien like a cat staring at something ominously. “From beyond worlds.” The brown in her eyes grew light till it turned white and her face turned to Nyra. “Conceived as mortals, reborn as gods.” 

“And here I am, with my cramps.” Nyra muttered. “So much for being a god.” 

And Elain’s eyes returned to the brown. She blinked once and then chuckled. “I’ll prepare some soup.” She stood up and walked towards Feyre, asking her directions to the kitchen. 

“Will you be fine?” Azriel finally asked from behind her, his palms on the backrest of the sofa and he watched her neck turn to look at him.

“I think you should direct that question to Cassian. I hear he’ll be babysitting Elain and I for the night.” Azriel turned to Cassian who was already grinning. The shadowsinger was already irritated.

“What better way to spend the night than with my favourite Archeron?” Behind the sofa where Nyra sat, Azriel looked like a menacing death god, ready to slit his throat. Cassian considered looking around for plots where he could commission for his own grave to be prepared and have Nesta be the owner of that piece of land. After all, she had wanted to send him to his grave a few days ago. 

“We’ll be fine.” She brought her hand and patted his scarred one with her fingers. It would’ve been too inconvenient to extend her entire palm since she was already comfortably positioned on the sofa and Azriel was standing behind it with hands perched on the backrest. 

“A few shadows would like to stay with you. If they have your permission, of course.”

“Alright.” And her eyes shut tight and she curled when a wave of pain hit her. Azriel took her hand and slowly, he could feel her grip tighten. The shadows swarmed over her, keeping her hair away from her face. 

“Nyra. If you want something-”

“I’ll bully Cassian.” The agony in her voice explained how much it hurt and why she had been quiet all day. But she looked up at him and Azriel wanted to stay. 

“The mirror.” Elain spoke from the doorway, a tray and a bowl in her hands. “Pretty thing.” This was directed to Feyre who paled. Elain’s random sayings were becoming more frequent and more specific. Feyre knew that Elain was referring to the Ouroboros that the Bone Carver had demanded as his price. And with that knowledge, she led the Inner Circle and Nesta to Hewn City.

****

A/N: i did this thing where i just randomly picked out readers whom i saw in my notifications who were liking or commenting on the story and i immediately sent them a message requesting feedback on the eye of the storm!!

@fantanbietsson poured all of her heart and i was in my office as i read her feedback and i was smiling and about to cry at the same time!! 💜✨✨

@booksaremyescapeworld i did not expect you to predict the upcoming chapters as you gave me your feedback and i hope you enjoy this chapter. i didn't realise it for the longest time, but i'm writing a slowburn and i'm going to take this slow (not too slow since i've already written maybe five smutty chapters for this fic).

@annikatar i don't know if you realised it but i really don't have the story under my control anymore. i have a bunch of points but how the story reaches those points is way beyond me. hopefully you'll still love this story as i write more.

@feerique absolutely, madly, i love you for being my beta reader!!

to those who told me, they'd give their feedback later, i'm still waiting!

****

TAGLIST:

@waytoomanyteenagefeels @impossibelle @esposadomd @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @judig92 @bunnyredgirl @sh4nn @a-frog-with-a-laptop @kattzillaa @ronnieglennn @wallacewillow0773638 @forgiveliv @justdreamstars @donttellthecats @cat-or-kitten @jojodojo02 @wandas-dream @evylynny @weasleyreidstyles @stqrgirlies-blog @why4anne @acourtofdreamsandshadows @saltedcoffeescotch @mybestfriendmademe @macimads @footyandformula @noelli-smv @mqlfoyelf @thehighlordishere @slytherintaco @spideytingley @deeshag @footyandformula @nebarious @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @prettylittlewrites @lilah-asteria @5onedirection5 @hanitastic @sevikas-whore @krowiathemythologynerd @myladysapphire @freyagallileaevans @azrielrot @rcarbo1 @i-am-infinite @latinxbipride @moni-cah @fantanbietsson

****

[exitpursuedbyavulcan]

The Silver Dragon (23)

To prevent Daemon from contesting their marriage, Aemond and Arianwyn proceed with the Bedding Ceremony.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x OC (Daemon and Rhea's daughter)

Warnings: smut (vaginal fingering, oral f receiving, p in v)

Series Masterlist - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

“With this kiss, I pledge my love.”

Aemond had dreamed of saying those words to Aria for nigh on a decade, though he had desired her kiss for even longer. Her sparkling silver eyes fluttered closed as he brought his hands up to cup her face, careful not to aggravate the bruises forming along her soft jawline. She was the very image of the Maiden – pure, innocent, and celestially beautiful.

He thought that with all the fairy tales they had read together, he would know what true love’s kiss would feel like. It was the kiss shared between the hero and his lady love as they left danger far behind. The kiss that broke curses and conquered evil. The kiss that began a happy ending.

This was all that and more. With her kiss, he became whole again.

Aria’s lips were deliciously soft and thrillingly cool, sending a shiver down Aemond’s spine. He felt, more than heard, a slight sound leave her as he pressed closer, the tip of his nose digging into her flushed cheeks. Her mouth opened slightly, her arms lacing around his neck and into his hair as she pushed forward.

Was she… kissing him back? Could he ever be so blessed by the gods to not only marry the woman he loved but to have her return his affections?

He let himself believe it for a moment rather than concede that she was only doing what was expected of her. Still, he would have gladly spent the rest of his days beneath the weirwood tree with his mouth on hers, his hands on her face, and her fingers in his hair. But they were not the only ones present in the Godswood, he had to remind himself as he pulled away from her sweet lips.

She kept her arms around him as she turned to look at their sparse audience, who applauded politely. He did not let go either, for he now had every right to touch his wife whenever and wherever he wished.

When the clapping faded, Aemond asked Septon Eustace, “What do we do now?” There was no feast prepared, no wedding gifts to receive or toasts to hear. All that remained…

“The bedding ceremony,” Maester Orwyle answered, though he pointedly looked away from the new couple. Most of those gathered did. It made sense, many of them had contributed to raising them. The idea that it was now their duty to escort them to their consummation was uncomfortable. “If you should wish it, my prince – and princess.”

Suddenly consumed by timidness, Aemond looked anywhere but at his new wife. Yes, he wished for it and had for years. But he would not force Aria. It was bad enough that her choice of husband had been all but taken from her. He would not make her endure something which would undoubtedly be unpleasant for her. “It has been a trying day for all of us. I think it best – ”

“Yes,” Arianwyn interjected, and Aemond's heart nearly leaped out of his chest. “We want… the… yes, we do.”

She was nervous, so much so that he could feel her hands shaking. “Aria, we don’t have to. If you don’t want to.”

What was he doing? Had he not imagined taking her to his bed for years? Why was he fighting this?

The answer was simple: because he loved her, and he would do anything for her, even deny his instincts and desires.

Arianwyn placed a hand on his chest, and he had to take a deep, steadying breath to keep himself from kissing her again. “We do have to, Aemond. If the marriage is consummated, it will make it harder for my father to annul it.”

So, she did not want to lie with him. She only knew it was the best strategy to prevent Daemon from re-taking her.

That was fine.

He could be fine with that.

And he would make sure she was fine, too. That he did not cause her any pain or discomfort, so she would not regret this choice.

It was better than never having her, wasn’t it?

“If you’ll forgive my intrusion,” Ser Criston said as he stepped forward. His dark eyes met Aemond’s with a too-knowing worry. “I believe the Prince’s apartments in the Holdfast will be more secure come the morning.”

With a stiff nod, Aemond agreed. He hated that their protection was a concern when their wedding night should be only joyful. But so little about this night had been so, save the few perfect moments when Aria smiled at or touched him. When she agreed to marry him.

Aria squeezed his hand, pulling away from the haze his thoughts were drawing him into. Her silver eyes threatened to drag him into a deeper trance, but then they flicked toward their meager crowd.

Everyone was staring at them. Why? What had gone wrong now?

Oh, yes. He remembered now.

The bedding began with the escort to the bedchamber. Traditionally, the women escorted the groom to his chambers for the bedding. Yet now, there were no women in attendance save for the bride.

Damn, they should have sent for Brynna or Helaena. Or his mother. She would be able to help him quell the panic that was beginning to rise in his chest. Besides, they would all be sorely disappointed that they could not witness the ceremony. He would have to find some way to make it up to them.

“I will escort you, my prince,” Criston said, ignoring the slight laughter from the younger members of the Bronze Guard, as well as Ser Adrew, who Aemond thought was certainly too old for such juvenile humor.

Nevertheless, Adrew gave voice to the joke in all their minds, “No need to undress him, Cole. Best leave that to our lady, don’t you think?”

The stifled chuckling from the assembled guards faded as Aemond and Ser Criston disappeared into the Red Keep once more, and Arianwyn felt a rush of longing fill her heart. Longing for her new husband. For Aemond. Whom she had just married. Who was now her husband, and she his wife.

She needed a moment. A few moments, perhaps.

Eustace yawned. “It would seem that my responsibilities have concluded. If you will excuse me, I will happily return to my bed. My Lady, you have my congratulations.”

The old Septon did not wait for a reply before he strode from the Godswood, leaving Arianwyn alone at the base of the Heart Tree, save for her guards and Grand Maester Orwyle – not quite the procession she imagined for her bedding ceremony.

She had always expected that Aegon would be the one leading her to her husband’s chambers, laughing through his usual drunken haze as he watched an assortment of equally intoxicated young lords tear her clothing away. Never once did she picture being led to her marriage bed by a man who had taken vows of celibacy and twelve knights, half of whom had been protecting her since she was a babe.

However, as she considered the alternative, she decided this was far more appealing.

Indeed, Ser Warren’s touch was gentle as he offered her his arm to lead her from the Godswood. “I hope you will forgive us if we do not behave in the… traditional manner,” he said, avoiding meeting her eyes.

“There is nothing to forgive,” Arianwyn replied, wrapping her arm around his, grateful for the stability he provided. “At least not from me. Though I believe Aegon will be inconsolably jealous that you took his rightful place as my escort.”

They all laughed quietly at her words, the joyful sound echoing off the stone as they entered Maegor’s Holdfast.

“I doubt Prince Aegon would have ever had the chance,” Orwyle mused. “I am only aware of him mentioning escorting you once, and Prince Aemond struck him so hard in return that I had to place several stitches in his brow.”

Another round of laughter went through the party, including Arianwyn, and none tried to stifle it this time. After all, the bedding ceremony was supposed to be a time of joy and excitement; why shouldn’t they laugh?

“You and Lady Arianwyn have my most sincere congratulations, my prince.”

Aemond heard Cole’s words as if they were whispered across the length of the Great Hall. The roaring of his blood in his ears and the bruising pounding of his heart were too loud for him to truly hear the words of the man just steps behind him.

He tore off his jacket with trembling hands and threw it across the stair banister. Though he was cold to the point of shivering, he could not breathe with it restricting his chest. Still, even free from it, he gulped in air as if he’d run up every stair in the Holdfast.

Why was his mind doing this? He was happy. Perhaps happier than he’d ever been. So why? Why?

“She did not want this,” he answered with a groan as he leaned his brow against the wall, hoping it would ease the fire in his throat and relieve the weight of cold iron in his belly. She does not want me.

Cole stepped toward him, his armor creaking. “Pardon?”

Aemond was no longer in his chambers.

He was beneath their table in the library. Dozens of papers were scattered on the floor before him, the writing and drawings beginning to blur the longer he stared at them. The back of his head ached from slamming it into the thick wood of the table, and Aria sat beside him, her arms folded tightly over her chest and the beginnings of tears in her small voice.

Reality returned, though his head still ached with phantom pain.

“Aria never wanted to be married,” he whispered. “When we were children, she told me she feared it. Of being chained to a stranger.”

He promised to protect her from that stranger.

“That is an understandable fear, but you are no stranger to her,” Cole said as if it were perfectly logical, as he always did. Damn him. His unfailing logic had often eased Aemond’s worries. But not now. Not when there was such a glaring fault in it.

“I am not who she remembers me to be.”

The Aemond she remembered smiled easily. He did not.

Her Aemond was happy. He was not.

Aria’s best friend was simply Aemond. But now, he was Aemond ‘One-Eye.’

An armored hand came to rest on his shoulder. “You are the same in the ways that matter.”

“Perhaps.”

Aria was the same. Still sweet and kind, intelligent and composed, and beautiful. Gods, she was so beautiful that it made his chest ache. And despite everything, she smiled.

“Do you love her, Aemond?”

The answer was instinctive. “I do.” So much that it hurts. That she haunts my every thought. I love her so dearly that I would destroy the world just to make her smile.

“Then that is enough.”

Aemond did not believe him.

“As I understand it,” Arianwyn said, turning back to face her knights, “You are meant to make lewd jokes and tell thorough tales of your past conquests to prepare me for what I will face once we reach our destination. Or are you all as cloistered as this man of vows?”

She playfully nudged Orwyle before Warren pulled her back to his side. The Grand Maester’ flushed, but he only raised his brows suggestively.

“Our pickings have been slim as of late, my Lady,” the youngest of her guards, Ser Trevor Wren, replied. Though not slim enough to stop him from flirting with the kitchen maids whenever they delivered Arianwyn’s morning and afternoon meals.

“I doubt Trev has any tales to tell, Princess,” Ser Colren Shett said dryly. “By the time he got to Dragonstone, what few fair women there were knew to avoid bronze armor all too well.”

Nearly all the Bronze Guard laughed raucously, surprising Arianwyn. “I had no idea my sworn protectors were so notorious!”

Ser Warren sighed heavily. “Apologies, lady, but bachelors are hard to keep confined. Give me time, and I’ll find worthy wives to settle them.”

The words did not sit right with Arianwyn, as if a wife were simply a remedy, like boiled wine or milk of the poppy. “Is that the purpose of a wife?” she asked. “To settle a man?”

“Of course not!” He was stuttering as soon as he realized he had upset her. “Though, in my experience,… when a man loves a woman, he has reason to fight, survive, and return home. A married man will, therefore, carry himself with more dignity and honor than a bachelor.”

“That may even be romantic, Ser Warren.” Her desperate desire to return home to King’s Landing – to Aemond – had prevented her from doing anything to upset her father for the years she was confined to Dragonstone. She was often tempted to contradict him or spit insults at her stepbrothers, but she would never risk extending her confinement.

Remembering the long years they spent apart darkened her mood, and the procession again fell into silence as they walked through the empty stone halls. How would things have been different had they not been so cruelly separated?

By now, they could have already been married in a ceremony that befitted their station. They could already have a child, with perhaps another on the way. They could be living peacefully at Runestone, away from the chaos of court and the reach of her father’s influence.

Though it was just as possible that they could have drifted away from each other. It was likely that they both would have been betrothed to different strangers as part of their family’s diplomatic machinations. They would be hundreds, perhaps thousands of miles apart, once again relying on nothing but letters to sustain them.

But they weren’t. They had suffered immensely, but they were together.

A smile had just returned to Arianwyn’s face when she realized they had arrived at an unfamiliar door. “Where are we?”

“Prince Aemond’s apartments,” Orwyle answered. “His new apartments.”

It was strange thinking of Aemond in a new place. In her mind, he and his rooms were one. The drawings of legendary weapons that papered his walls. The cloaks and gloves thrown carelessly across furniture. Stacks of books as tall as trees beside the overstuffed bookshelves.

How empty those rooms must be now, as if inhabited by a ghost. How strange it would be to see so much of Aemond in unfamiliar places. But…

She could barely make out the faded carvings, but there they were. The same runes he had carved into his old door, now etched here. Made long ago, it seemed, for how worn they were, as though he had touched them every time he entered his apartments.

There, that was Aemond.

“When did he move?” she asked, fingers still absentmindedly tracing the runes, over and over, beginning to end and back again.

“After he was released from the Maester’s tower following Driftmark,” Ser Criston eyed the Maester as he emerged from the doorway. He smiled, but his dark eyes were strained. “He is waiting for you, Lady.”

A shiver ran through her, and she tightened her grip on Warren’s arm to steady her as she turned to the Bronze Guard. “I believe you were supposed to have me completely undressed by now.”

Ser Adrew smirked, his eyebrows raised in amusement. “Prince Aemond shall simply have to do the honors himself.”

Oh.

Of course.

Aemond would undress her.

His long, nimble fingers would unlace her dress, his skin brushing hers.

He would see her naked.

She would see him naked.

She could not decide whether she was excited or terrified. Perhaps both.

Arianwyn released Warren’s arm. Her entire body tingled with excitement and fear as he reached around her to remove the white cloak from her shoulders.

“There,” he said. “Now I have undressed you and fulfilled my duty.”

But she was too anxious to respond as he reached forward to open the door, and she stepped through.

A courtyard, one she had never seen, wide and clean and open, stretched all around her. The moon shone down from above as if it had followed her from the Weirwood tree. But there were no red leaves for the light to play in, no bone-white bark to set aglow, only –

The faint glint of silver thread on purple silk peeked out from a mass of black leather. Aemond’s jacket, carelessly discarded across a banister.

Arianwyn crossed the courtyard to grab it, carefully freeing the silk from the pocket sewn into the breast of the coat. It was still warm. Aemond was always warm, even in the cold of winter. She had fond memories of pressing into his side while they read in the library, far from any hearths or fires.

The black, silver, and bronze thread of her creation had not frayed but had lost its stiffness over the years. Now, each rune was as soft and pliable as the silk it was sewn to. For all these years, Aemond had kept it. Arianwyn had only ever intended it as instructions for the lapidarist at Runestone, but Ser Gerold had delivered the cloth along with the jewel, and Aemond had saved it.

Not only that, but he kept it with him, close to his heart.

She needed to find him.

She was at the closest door – one of four off the courtyard – before she knew she was moving. With the silk still in hand, she raised her fist to the dark wood and knocked twice.

There was a long moment of silence before she heard Aemond’s voice.

“Aria? Is that you?”

“Yes.”

When he emerged, his brow was furrowed, though he was relieved to see Arianwyn still fully clothed. He, too, was fully dressed save for his jacket, his white cotton shirt untucked and hanging loosely around his lean form.

“Why did you knock?” he asked.

“I…” Arianwyn looked down, suddenly embarrassed. “I didn’t know which door was yours.”

Aemond smiled. “I forgot you have not been here before. My apologies… wife.”

Her eyes met his, a giddy grin on her lips. “It will take me some time to get used to that, I think.”

Aemond took her hand and led her slowly into his bedchamber. “If you prefer, I will keep calling you simply ‘Aria.’”

“I would like that very much,” she replied, looking around the room.

It was well-appointed, with a couch and armchairs set before a crackling hearth, a large oaken bed clothed in silk, and plush rugs covering most of the stone floor. And there was no lack of books. Massive shelves wrapped around two corners, each bursting with hundreds of tomes.

Yet, it did not feel like Aemond. Not entirely. There was not a drawing in sight nor any carelessly discarded clothing. There was not even a single book out of place. It felt like Aemond, but subdued. Contained. Hidden.

When she had thoroughly inspected every corner and had nothing else to distract her, Arianwyn looked back at her husband.

Aemond stood only inches from her, clenching and unclenching his fists without rhythm. Slowly, he moved closer until their chests were just touching and brought one hand to the side of her face, lifting her chin towards him and the other to her waist before he leaned down and kissed her.

As fast as he had kissed her, he pulled back and turned away.

Arianwyn was left breathless, her scrap of silk falling to the floor. “Aemond?”

He dropped his head, chest heaving. “I am so sorry, Aria.”

“I don’t understand.” She stood in shock as tears began to sting her eyes.

His violet eye shone in the firelight when he looked back. “I am sorry it had to be this way,” he whispered. “You deserve so much better. You deserved a wedding as grand as you are, with more than just your guards in attendance. You deserve…” He loosely gestured between them, “To do this with a man you truly love.”

Her heart nearly cleaved in two. Didn’t he know? Had he not felt it in her kiss?

“Aemond,” she breathed, daring to bring herself closer to him. He stood unnaturally still, even as she brought her hand to his face, cradling his sharp jaw and tenderly running her thumb along the end of his scar. “I love you.”

His eye flashed to hers, wide and almost afraid.

“I love you so much,” she continued, tears finally spilling over, “that I do not possess sufficient words to express it. I believe I have for a long time, though I have only just realized it.” A laugh escaped her as she remembered every time Aemond made her smile, or laugh, or simply feel seen and safe. “That is what it has been all along, hasn’t it? Love?”

The fear did not vanish from his eye but deepened, even as his gaze softened. “Say it again.”

“I love you, Aemond.”

Aria loved Aemond.

She said so herself, then said it again.

Aemond kissed her before his mind had a chance to doubt it. Harder, deeper, and more earnestly than before. He poured all his love into that kiss, along with all the desperation with which he had longed for her.

When he had to pull back to catch his breath, one hand tangled in her hair while his other arm held her to his chest, he smiled ardently against her lips. “I have loved you from before I learned the meaning of the word.”

It was Aria who kissed him then. Too hard, too wet, and too eager. But he didn’t care. His heart was full to bursting, and the only thing he could think to do was kiss her, and kiss her, and kiss her.

But more was expected of them than that.

She was the one who remembered, pulling away from him and bracing her hands on his chest to prevent him from catching her lips again. When he finally relented, a questioning look in his eye, she gave him a confident smile he could see through as easily as glass. She was nervous but pretending to be brave.

“Tell me what to do,” she said.

Aemond sighed, stroking her cheek. “I told you I will never command you.”

She put her hand over his, turning her head to place a kiss on his palm. “I am not asking for your command,” she replied, her voice teasingly soft. “I am asking what you want.”

Gods, she was the most tempting creature in the world. He wanted her so much it hurt. He wanted to press his lips to every inch of her skin, to kiss her so deeply that her taste would never leave his lips. He wanted to claim her, body and soul, until not even the gods could separate them. He wanted to hear her tell him that she loved him. Again, and again, and again.

But before that, he had one simple request.

“I want to see you,” he said, “all of you.”

Arianwyn smiled and turned around. She lifted her tangled curls over her shoulder, giving him access to the laces of her dress.

She startled slightly when Aemond nuzzled against her neck as he slowly loosened the slim straps of silk. His breath was warm against her skin, his lips soft as he traced them up to her jaw to her temple. She leaned further and further into him with every tantalizingly gentle brush of his fingers. When the dress finally fell to the floor, her head rested on his shoulder as she pushed her face into his neck.

“Hmm,” he hummed as he wrapped his arms around her, resting one hand against her belly while the other came up to cup her breasts.

Arianwyn sighed at the sensation, at the sheer intimacy of the contact, even through her chemise. None had ever touched her like that, and the sense of closeness it gave, the thrill of knowing it was forbidden to all but Aemond, was overwhelming. She whined when he removed his hands to slip the thin straps of the garment off her shoulder, and the silk puddled on the floor beneath her.

Then he stepped in front of her and, after a long moment staring hungrily at her naked form, dropped to his knees.

He wrapped his hands around her thigh, nimbly untying her garters. Even as he rolled each stocking torturously slowly down her legs, he never looked anywhere but into her eyes. His own, that lovely blue-purple color like the crown of the dawn, was hardly visible for the darkness that had consumed his gaze.

Once he had rid her of the last of her smallclothes, he pressed a chaste kiss to the soft skin just beneath her navel. Arianwyn moaned helplessly as an unfamiliar but exquisite heat pooled between her legs.

Before the sound had finished leaving her lips, Aemond rose to capture her mouth with his own. He hooked his hands around her head and neck and kissed her passionately, possessively, unyieldingly. All Arianwyn could do was hang onto him and try to answer his passion with her own.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured between kisses. “Only the gods themselves could have crafted something so divine as you.”

She blushed at his praise, running her fingers through his silken hair and hooking her thumb into the strap of his eyepatch. “May I return the favor?”

As if she had dumped a bucket of chill water upon him, Aemond pulled back, dropping his eye and wrapping his hand around her wrist, “It is… a grim sight. Are you sure?”

“I was there when it was lost,” she replied. “I did not run from you then, and I will not run from you now.”

A faltering smile. “You may not have run, but you did faint, as I recall.”

“That was only because of the blood,” she assured. “It’s not still bleeding, is it?”

“Not for many years.”

“Then I want to see,” she said, returning her hand to the eyepatch. “Don’t I deserve to see my gift?”

“Of course you do,” he finally relented, dipping his head to make it easier for her to slip the leather off his head and expose the scar.

Though he was still fully clothed, Aemond felt entirely naked.

None had seen him without his patch save his mother or Maester Orwyle in many years, the true gruesomeness of what he’d become hidden behind the dark leather. And now, he was bared before the one person whose disdain he feared most of all.

But true to her word, Aria did not recoil.

Aemond stood frozen and unbroken as she inspected him, and he shuddered, knowing too well what it was she saw.

His scar was deep, its color dark and tinged with red, running from close to his hairline through his brow and eye to the base of his cheek but an inch above his jaw. The cut had not been clean, likely due to the bluntness of the kitchen knife the bastard Lucerys had used, so the mark was jagged and wavered across his skin. But the various Maesters who treated him had done well to ensure it healed properly.

The eye, however, did not fare so well. The skin surrounding the sapphire now in its place was grey and wrinkled, so heavily scarred that what was left of the upper eyelid could only close a fraction of the way, and a large slice remained missing from the lower lid.

Aria ran a finger down his jaw, coaxing his good eye open. “It’s not quite the right color,” she whispered coyly, “but it is beautiful nonetheless.”

Aemond looked at her, silently pleading, do not lie to me.

“I mean it,” she she insisted. “You are gorgeous, Aemond. So painfully gorgeous that I cannot stand it.”

She kissed him again, slipping her hands beneath his loose shirt and running her cool fingers up the hard muscles of his chest. If she still desired him after seeing his scar uncovered, her sweet words must be true.

His hips instinctively rolled forward as he raised his arms to let her slide his shirt off. If he were not already achingly hard and straining against his trousers, the blissful chill of her touch on his skin would have brought him there instantly.

Curiously, she ran her fingers back down his chest, exploring each rise and crevice until she found herself gripping the waist of his trousers. She hesitated with her hands over the laces.

“Go on,” Aemond encouraged, brushing her wild tangle of silver hair away from her face.

She tilted her head up to look into his eye – his eyes, as she loosened the ties. At last, his trousers slumped over his hips, and Aria froze, her hands hovering in the air. Aemond bent down to remove his trousers himself, relieving his innocent wife of the responsibility and stood fully naked before her.

Her eyes were wide as she stared at the hard length of him. Perfectly innocent, as proper ladies were expected to be. Still, it pleased Aemond that he was the only man she had ever seen in this way, even if a small part of him wished she somehow had the knowledge to be impressed by his size.

Tentatively, she wrapped her fingers around his length and ran a curious thumb across a large vein. Aemond sucked in a harsh breath, nearly doubling over as he closed his eye and buried his face in her hair. Gods, it was a pleasure beyond anything he’d ever felt.

Aria swiftly recoiled her hand and pulled her hands away. “Did that hurt?” she asked with genuine concern.

Aemond only laughed, pulling her chin up to take her in another slow, passionate kiss. “No, my love,” he whispered. “Quite the opposite, in fact.”

Though he wanted her to take him in her hands again, an even more tantalizing prospect entered his mind. He bent down, wrapping his arms around her thighs and lifting her. “Let me show you.”

He carried her to the bed, reaching down to throw aside the blankets and furs atop it. Playfully, he tossed her onto the bed, lustily admiring how her breasts moved as she bounced on the mattress. He had grand plans for those, but for now, he was on a mission. He climbed onto the bed, straddling Aria on his hands and knees.

Gods, it was so hard to keep himself from her mouth. He caught her in another kiss, savoring the heat of her swollen lips and the blissful feel of her tongue against his.

“You were going to show me something?” She asked as she pulled away to take a breath.

He moaned as he moved his mouth to her collarbone. “Yes, I believe I was.” Never stopping suckling at her skin, he traced his long fingers down her chest, between the mounds of her breasts, and past her navel. He kept his touch light and as slow as he could manage for his eagerness.

The teasing paid off, for Aria’s hips instinctively rose, begging his fingers lower and lower. He happily complied. Pride surged in his chest as he felt the wetness of her folds. She was so eager for him as he was for her. His cock twitched as he imagined how it would feel sliding into her.

Not yet, he reminded himself.

Instead, he ran two fingers against her entrance as his thumb rose to the little spot Aegon had once told him of. He knew he had found it when she let out a desperate whimper, her legs squirming and toes clenching as she reached up to wrap her arms around his neck.

“That,” he said into her hot ear, “is what it feels like.”

She whined against his throat, “Do it again?”

“Gladly.”

He began to grind his thumb in slow circles around the sensitive bundle of nerves as he ran his fingers up and down her slick folds. The gasps and moans escaping her lips were sweeter than he had ever imagined, and he captured each and every one with a kiss.

Arianwyn was entirely lost in the bliss of Aemond’s touch. The feel of his hand on her breast was nothing compared to this. It felt as though there was nothing in the world but Aemond, his fingers, and this feeling of inescapable pleasure.

But then his hand moved, and while his thumb remained on that miraculous spot, he began to press the tip of his finger against her entrance.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured against her ear, “but this may hurt a little. Try to relax, and I promise it will feel good.”

She had no clue what he meant. Not until the pressure began to eclipse her pleasure. Pressure, pressure, pressure, bordering on pain. This couldn’t be right. That can’t be how this was supposed to feel. Gods, if that was just his finger, what would it feel like when he put his cock in her?

Aemond pressed harder on the center of her pleasure, drawing tight circles with the pad of his thumb. “I know, I know it hurts,” he said, “but it will hurt more if I try to enter you before you are ready.”

“You said it would feel good,” she cried, “when does that happen?”

“Soon, Aria,” he kissed her through his reassurance. “But you have to relax. Just focus on what feels good. Focus on this,” he tapped his thumb for emphasis. “If it hurts too much, tell me, and I will stop.”

She nodded into his neck, signaling him to begin again. He went slower this time, moving only when she relaxed her body when she was able. Though she squeezed her eyes shut every time he pushed deeper in, she never asked him to stop or pull out.

After mere moments and yet forever of pressure, relax, and pressure, relax, Aemond did something purely miraculous, and Arianwyn could not hold back a crying shout as she dug her nails into his back, her vision clouded with stars.

He chuckled, doing it again. Twisting – no, curling – his fingers to press gently toward her belly and again stealing her vision with the pleasure of it.

“I told you,” he teased, kissing the sensitive skin behind her ears.

“Am I ready now?” she asked, her apprehension completely vanished. How had she ever doubted him? He had always tried so hard to please her. He would not fail her now.

“Not quite, my love,” he whispered. “Give it time.”

He kissed her again. Gently. But where his lips were slow, his hand was not. He began to move faster, and her moans of pleasure returned, growing louder and louder until not even his kiss could keep her quiet.

Then, he slipped another finger inside her, never ceasing his movements, applying pressure both inside and out as she raised her hips higher and higher, arching her back into his sheets. With every passing moment, she was sure it could not feel better. But with every passing moment, it did.

The pleasure grew and grew until all she could see was the sparkling of Aemond’s sapphire eye, and her entire body pulsed with an overwhelming wave of bliss. Every muscle in her body relaxed as relief washed over her, and she laced her fingers through his silver hair to pull him in for a kiss.

“What was that?” she asked breathlessly.

He finally withdrew his fingers and pulled her against his chest. “Release.”

“Does it mean I’m ready?”

Aemond smiled against her lips, “Perhaps, but I would like to be sure.”

With that, he lowered his lips to kiss down the column of her throat, ever so gently with her cuts and bruises. He continued down her chest, between her breasts, and across the plane of her stomach until he reached her core.

Her cries resumed as he dove into her, lavishing her with his mouth and tongue. The thin leather strap holding his hair back from his face snapped as she clung to his hair, though whether to pull him closer or push him away, she did not know.

His long silver mane fell in a curtain around his shoulders, but he did not slow. Rather, his pace quickened as he plunged his tongue into her, and Arianwyn felt simply sublime. She could feel her heart beating in her core, her racing blood carrying heat throughout her body. Aemond was a fine warrior and scholar and, by all accounts, a truly gifted dragonrider, but as he ravenously drank the pleasure from her, she was sure that this was the reason the gods created him.

It was not long before she felt that great wave of pleasure, the ‘release’ as Aemond had called it, approaching again. With her hands still entangled in his hair, she clenched her fists and cried out, “Aemond!”

But then he pulled away, leaving Arianwyn feeling cold and empty, hanging over the edge of her release.

Aemond glanced up at her through a lidded eye and grinned wickedly. Then he dove back down, wrapping his lips around her clit, and moaned.

Arianwyn thought her vision would never return as the world went white and release swept through her once more, more intensely than before. She did not know how long she lay there, arms splayed and chest heaving as she recovered from the extraordinary feeling.

When the world reformed around her, it was Aemond’s grinning face she saw first as he lay on his side next to her, smiling blissfully and tracing shapes around her breasts with his pinky.

“Now, am I ready?” she asked.

Aemond hoped so, for he certainly was. He had never been so hard in all his life. “I believe you are, my love.”

He rolled on top of Aria, propping himself up on his elbows as he kissed her and ground his hips against hers, savoring the slick friction. All night, he had been so singularly focused on her pleasure that he had neglected his own.

He would gladly do so again.

Once Arianwyn was moaning against him and writhing her hips to try and draw him closer, deeper, he gave her one last kiss before he pulled away. He reached down to line himself up with her entrance but never looked away from her shining silver eyes.

“Say it again,” he breathed.

She cupped his face, fingers trembling against his skin. “Say what?”

“Say you love me.”

Her face softened, though her grip on his jaw was tight. “I love you, Aemond Targaryen.”

He slid into her then, pushing past her maidenhead in one eager stroke, sheathing himself to the hilt in the tightness of her velvet core. The feeling was all-consuming. His body cried for him to move, to fuck her with abandon and fill her with his seed. But he held himself still, knowing that he had gone too far too fast. Her eyes were still shut tight, and her lips, pressed against his cheek, were moving in mumbled speech.

Aemond had to strain to hear her whisper one phrase, over and over and over again: “Avy hylan.” I feel you.

“Avy sepār hylan,” he said as he burrowed into her neck, grounding himself in her smell of smoke and cold sea air. “Relax, Aria, just like before. I won’t do anything else until you tell me to.” I feel you, too.

She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, holding him close as she continued to whisper, her words morphing into something new. “Avy jorrāelan.” I love you.

They stayed like that for long moments, even after her whispering had faded into silence.

“Aria,” Aemond moaned against her throat as his self-restraint waned.

A curious whine was her only answer.

“I’m so sorry, my love,” he whispered, caressing her face, “but I need to move.”

Indeed, he trembled with the effort it took to remain still. He did not want to hurt her or cause her any more discomfort than he already had, but he could only restrain himself for so long. He could – and had – practiced in the training yard for hours without needing even a moment to catch his breath.

But this?

He did not have the strength for this.

Still, he did not move until she nodded against him. Even then, he began slowly, rocking his hips ever so slightly to ease her into the feeling.

Much to his delight, she let her head fall to the bed and began to cry out again – with pleasure, not pain. “Avy jorrāelan.”

“Avy jorrāelan,” he whispered back, letting his thrusts go deeper, longer, faster. In mere moments, he was losing himself in the sensation of her tight walls surrounding him, more wonderful than he had ever let himself imagine.

Arianwyn, too, was lost in the feeling of Aemond slamming into her over and over, faster and faster. She was sure that they were crafted by the gods specifically for each other, for this, for their joining perfectly as one.

As his pace heightened, Aemond again caught her lips in her own, claiming her just as much with his mouth as he did with his cock. The pain was gone entirely, replaced only with pleasure as he stretched her magnificently with each thrust, brushing against that magical spot inside her and sending stars bounding through her vision.

“Avy jorrāelan,” she murmured again as he began to rut into her wildly, drawing moan after moan of pleasure as the pressure in her core built higher and higher. She was not going to last much longer before her release.

But neither was Aemond, it seemed. He groaned into her mouth as the rhythm of his hips faltered. With a moan of her name, he brought his hand between them, fumbling slightly before he began stroking her as before.

Arianwyn felt absolute euphoria. Muscles she didn’t know she had tensed and relaxed as her third release of the night swept over her. Not since her first flight on Emrys had she experienced such bliss so deep in her soul, nor such exhaustion.

Aemond was still inside her, panting heavily as he came down from his high, lazily planting open-mouth kisses to the base of her neck.

“Aemond,” she whined, pulling his hair to draw his gaze back to hers. His violet eye was hazy with contentment, and the sapphire fogged by the heat of their joining.

“Mmm?”

“Do it again?”

[zepskies]

Choosing Him

Pairing: Dean W. x Reader, Sam W. x Reader

Summary: You and Sam have been dating and living together for a few months, when Dean shocks you with a confession. Now you have to choose.

AN: This was requested by this beautiful anon! (And also by my friend! ❤️)

Read this as a stand-alone or see this imagine for context: Dean gives you an impossible choice. (In which Dean is in love with Sam’s girlfriend.)

**Note: This contains two alternate endings: Sam vs. Dean.

Song Inspo: “I’m on Fire” by Bruce Springsteen

Word Count: 4,300 Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, unrequited love, as well as love requited.

Imagine: Choosing him.

“Dean, just talk to me. What the hell happened?” Sam asked.

No, he implored. Angrily.

But he implored, nonetheless.

Dean was good at being stubborn. In fact, he was a professional. His lips were tight in a frown, his brows just as knitted as his brother’s.

He sat cross armed on the couch while Sam stood, using his hands to punctuate his exclamations, as he often did when he was frustrated.

“Nothing, man. I already told you,” Dean tried.

“No,” Sam said sharply. “She’s actively avoiding you. And you’re taking any excuse you can not to be within three feet of my girlfriend. So either you said something, or you did something.”

Dean looked up at his brother with a heavy sigh through his nose.

They’d been at this for a while now. So long that he was surprised you hadn’t come barreling into the living room already to break up the argument. Because he had a feeling that just the sight of you would shut them both up. (Not in a good way.)

Dean’s throat was tight, his stomach churning with unease, though he tried to show none of it on his face. He could see that Sam was on the verge of losing his shit. Just a hair away from assuming the worst.

And the worst of him.

That, Dean couldn’t abide.

“Look,” he gritted out. “I didn’t do anything.”

Sam paused, tilting his head. He took in a breath that was only slightly calming, enough that he lowered to a seat on the coffee table, across from his brother.

“Then what’d you say?” he asked.

Dean felt even guiltier just remembering.

Three weeks ago…

You wanted to know why he was drinking alone. Why he’d downed nearly an entire bottle of Jameson in the kitchen on a Tuesday night.

“You really wanna know?” Dean asked. His voice was both a rumble and a coarse whisper. His green-eyed gaze fell to your lips.

He watched you suck in a subtle breath. Your eyed widened, and your body froze. He also saw the blush staining your cheeks.

So he leaned in, slowly. He was mere inches away from finding out how sweet you really were.

He heard your shallow breath. His eyes flicked up to yours, and instinctively knew that he’d captured you. He was making you think about it.

“Tell me no,” Dean said. Tell me to stop, or I swear to God...

“Dean, what...” you whispered. But that wasn’t a no.

Still, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t do it. Not to Sam.

Dean merely reached out with a hand to soothe a gentle thumb across your cheek. He realized then that he loved you. He loved you enough to let you go, if he had to.

"It comes down to this," Dean said. His voice was deep, full of grit and desire. He saw the conflict in your eyes.

He swallowed. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, but he used every ounce of self-restraint he had left, forcing his hand to fall away from your cheek.

"You've got two choices, sweetheart," he said. And he pulled away, leaving you there at the table.

You never told him to stop…but he just couldn’t do it.

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean eventually answered his brother.

He ultimately couldn’t bring himself to voice the desperation of a drunken idiot.

He met Sam’s gaze directly. This much, he could say.

“All you need to know is I’d never…even drunk off my ass, I’d never hurt you,” Dean said.

Sam turned those words back and forth in his mind. His mouth firmed as he read between the lines, as he so often had to with Dean, who struggled to express the deeper parts of himself. Sam realized then what his brother was finally confessing.

“She loves you,” Dean added, with a self-deprecating smile.

That fell between them for a moment, as Sam rested a hand on his knee and processed all of this in record time. He glanced up.

“What about you?” he asked.

Again, with that quirk of a smile that didn’t reach Dean’s eyes.

“Don’t you worry about that either.”

He got up, clapped Sam on the shoulder, and left him there to continue thinking. Dean passed the kitchen and continued down the hall.

Neither man realized that you were standing behind the kitchen doorway. You’d been about to attempt a bit of stress baking. A chocolate tart, maybe. Or a cheese souffle. Or even the new cherry pie recipe you’d found for Dean. Anything to take your mind off your current predicament.

However, now you knew you couldn’t put it off anymore.

You didn’t want this, for either of them. You couldn’t let yourself be a coward.

Steeling yourself with a deep breath, you left the safety of the kitchen…

And you ventured into the living room, where your boyfriend was still brooding. He raised his head when he saw you out of the corner of his eye.

“Hey,” he said, clearing his throat. Even now, he was relieved to see you. He also felt like he was standing on unsteady ground.

“Hey, yourself,” you greeted back. You tried to smile, but your heart was in your stomach with nerves. “I need to tell you something.”

Sam seemed to realize what you wanted to talk about. He sighed.

“Look, don’t worry about it. Dean and I talked it out—”

“No. No, because I need to say this. Because you deserve to hear it from me,” you insisted.

You also paused, as you didn’t quite know where to go from here.

Sam’s brows furrowed, but he tried to be patient. He watched your gears turning as thought to thought shifted in your eyes. It was one of the things he loved most about you, how open and expressive you were. He could usually tell what you were thinking…except for today. And the past few weeks.

That was what had him more nervous than he’d like to admit. If a blow was coming, he’d really like to be prepared…but he just couldn’t fucking tell.

Until you began speaking.

“Okay, first of all. Nothing happened,” you assured. You rested your hands on Sam’s shoulders. He looked up into your eyes, but before he could even nod in response, you kept going.

“Dean was drunk, and I wasn’t. Which probably won’t make you feel all that better, but the point is, all I did was ask him what’s wrong? And he didn’t want to tell me. But then I pushed the issue, as you know I do sometimes. I’m working on it, I really am.”

You levied a finger at Sam, at which he could only nod. Again, before he could offer a reply, you kept going.  

“Well, finally he was all, you sure you wanna know?” you said, mimicking Dean’s deeper voice. Sam was tempted to smile, if but for what you were actually saying, and the way your gaze averted from his.

“And there was a moment there when…I thought maybe he might try to…but he didn’t. The problem is, I didn’t say no,” you confessed. Your brows knitted as you revealed how disheartened you felt at that, how guilt-ridden.

Sam’s eyes softened a bit, even though your words stung.  

“I should’ve said it,” you knew. “I should’ve pulled away, but I didn’t. Though in my defense! I was in shock. He was saying shocking things without saying them, you know? And I don’t want to be in this cliché…teen drama-esque, love triangle bullshit! You’re not Edward and I’m not Bella and this isn’t goddamn Twilight. And I refuse to be treated as such.”

You were huffing and puffing by the end of your little rant. Your eyes widened a fraction when you caught Sam trying to stamp down a smile.

“Is this amusing to you?” you snapped.

“Not at all,” Sam said. He shook his head, and with a sigh, drew you back to him with his hands on your hips. You stood between his open legs and grasped the front of his shirt.

“Look, thank you for telling me,” he said. “I know that we kind of rushed this a little. The moving in thing, I mean. It just…it felt right, at the time.”

“Yeah, I was kinda there for that,” you quipped. Your smile made him smile in return.

“Well, I guess I just need to ask you…if it still feels right,” he said.

He looked up into your eyes, still not quite sure what he would find. His heart was in his throat, no matter how many times he cleared it. He was good at looking calm when he wasn’t, and maybe his face was composed, but inside him was a tempest.

You calmed it with one touch. A gentle hand on his chest.

“Sam,” you said. Your smile was beautiful and warm. “After you left Stanford. After what happened to Jess…I didn’t know that her funeral was the last time I was ever going to see you.”

Despite that melancholy memory, your lips soon curved into a grin.

“Well, not for a long time anyway.” You both lightened at that.

Then you became more contemplative. Your gaze wandered beyond him for a moment, lost in the past.

Sam’s hands moved up to your waist and squeezed gently. You came back to him with a brighter expression.

“But when I saw you again, I thought…damn, he’s amazing,” you said with a giggle. “Even more amazing then when I knew him.”

Sam looked down at that, despite his smile. You picked him back up with your hand on his cheek. It was overgrown with stubble, a week or so past when he'd usually shave.

You didn't mind the scratchiness, but you wondered if you'd been distracting him too with your indecision. That thought made you feel all the more guilty.

“I still think that when I see you. Get to wake up next to you, research mythology and symbology and dead languages, and other things that should be impossible,” you said. “So yes, it still feels right for me. Very much so.”

Sam’s more genuine smile lightened you. He nodded and let you tilt his head back, slipping your fingers through his hair. He liked the way you touched him freely, both reassuring and affectionate.

He didn't want to admit it, but he'd been quietly afraid. Afraid he'd read you wrong, that his heart had somehow lied to him. Now he knew that it rang true.

“Okay. Good,” he said. And he reached up to touch his lips to yours.

At least, it was a simple touch at first. It soon grew in passion, becoming a more claiming kiss. He pulled you in flush against him. A hand tangled into your hair, brushing against the back of your neck, and you hummed in delight.

Your hands sunk further into his hair, just as your mouth wordlessly claimed him back. His long fingers trailed down your back and made you shiver against him. You gave more and more of yourself with each kiss.

"I love you," you whispered against his lips. Because he deserved to hear that too.

Sam paused. His eyes were still closed as he recovered some of his breath. He rested his forehead against yours and brushed a tender hand down the soft column of your neck.

"I love you too," he admitted. He had resisted saying it, and even felt a bit ashamed that he'd doubted your feelings. Now, he felt like an idiot for not fighting harder before.

This, what he had with you, it was worth fighting for.

He smiled at the way you kissed his cheek then, soft and slow and with purpose.

After a moment, you pulled away to stroke his cheek once more…and also to tell him one last thing.

“When I saw you again, I did have another thought,” you said. “He’s amazing, but…how can I think that about my best friend’s boyfriend?”

Sam frowned then, as that reality had crossed his mind as well, back when he reconnected with you last year. You held a hand to your chest, over your heart.

“Jess was like a sister to me. So how could I think about you like that? It didn’t matter how much time had passed since her death. That thought, and those feelings still had weight, Sam,” you said. “My point is…try not to be too hard on your brother for this. I think he’d rather lob off an arm than cause you any pain.”

Sam considered your words with a nod.

“I’ll talk to him. Don’t worry,” he said.

“No, I…I’d like to talk to him, if you don’t mind,” you said. “That is, if you trust me.”

Sam’s brows rose, and then furrowed slightly.

“I do, baby,” he said. “You can talk to him if you want, but…I have to. He’s my brother. He should hear it from me too.”

No need, Dean couldn’t help but think.

He pushed off from the wall, twisting a wrench in his hand as he made his way back to the garage.

It stung. Actually, it fucking cut and twisted. More painfully than Dean would ever, ever admit.

However, he knew when he needed to bow out. This was one of those times.

He’d just have to learn how to let you go, for good this time. He wouldn’t risk hurting you, or his brother again.

So once he made it to the end of the hall, he shut the door, once and for all.

Or…

You didn’t want this, for either of them. You couldn’t let yourself be a coward.

Steeling yourself with a deep breath, you left the safety of the kitchen…

And you ducked out the back way, heading down the hall.

You found Dean exactly where you’d expected—in the garage, getting ready to work on his Baby. He was sitting on a stool with his box of tools beside him. Tools he didn’t let anyone touch (except for that one time you hid his power drill, just to mess with him).

You crossed your arms.

“We need to talk,” you said.

Dean sighed, and spied your stern face over his shoulder.

“What fucking now?” he muttered. You didn't quite hear him, but you recognized his surly frown.

“Yes, right now,” you said. “Why did you do it?”

“What?” Dean asked, raising incredulous brows. “Why?”

“Yeah, why.” You stepped up to him while he swiveled in your direction. “If you supposedly had feelings for me, why did you wait so damn long? Why did you wait until we got here?”

You weren’t just casually dating his brother. You were living with him. Even if it had just been a few months, you loved Sam…and yet, you hadn’t pushed Dean away when he almost kissed you.

Why, why, why? you thought. Your teeth ground together when you thought of how tenderly Dean had touched you. The fire in his eyes, just barely held back by a thin wall of self-restraint.

“Tell me no,” he’d said.

And now, annoyance made his face tight.

“Look, just forget about it, all right? I was drunk—”

“No. You weren’t that drunk,” you refuted. “I’ve seen you slaphappy, laughing at nothing, grinning like the Joker and falling onto the couch face-first, passed out drunk. You were coherent that night. You were honest. So tell me, how long have you felt this way?”

Dean tensed. He didn’t want to do this. You both knew that, but he also knew that you weren’t giving him much of a choice.

And yet, you were waiting on him, as patiently as you could manage (something he knew was difficult for you). He sighed deeply.

“Pretty much from the beginning,” he said.

“What?” you said, ever so eloquently. You wanted to cringe at yourself. (And you called yourself a linguist.)

Your lips pursed in disbelief. “What part of the beginning?”

Dean glared heavenward, as if that could stop you from asking questions.

“From the first damn second I saw you,” he snapped. The longer he looked at you, however, he couldn’t help but soften. “I remember, you argued with Sam about dead languages, that Latin was for pussies. Ancient Greek was the tougher beat.”

That was true, you thought. And that argument stemmed back from when you and Sam were in college. Ancient history, you could say.

“The Greeks were more fun too,” you added. It triggered a smile to briefly lighten Dean’s face.

“Yeah, you said something about mass orgies,” he said, his brows furrowing.

You bit your lip at the memory. You might’ve winked at Dean with more confidence than you’d felt at the time.

Now, the man shook his head.

“Right then, I wanted to know you,” he said. “Problem is, the more I did, the more I liked what I saw.”

You stared back at him in dismay.

“Why couldn’t you have just told me from the beginning?” you asked.

Dean made a sound of frustration, carding a hand roughly through his hair.

“Oh, and what, break up the show?” he snarked. He waved haphazardly beyond you, to the moose of a man somewhere beyond the closed doors of the garage. Remembering his brother made Dean’s irritation start to fade, back into self-deprecation.

“You and Sam…you’ve got history,” he said. “He’s smart. He takes care of you, protects you. He’s uh, more the boyfriend type, anyway.”

Dean looked away from you then, crossing his arms. You relaxed yours and couldn’t help but draw near to him. A frown took over your features as you tilted your head.

“Okay, Sam and I have history,” you said with a nod. “But…you don’t think you’re smart too?”

Dean’s lips pursed somewhat as he glanced back up at you. You met his stare.

“You don’t think you’re capable of all those other things?” you asked.

Dean didn’t have an answer for you. At least, not one he was willing to say.

For the past few weeks, you’d been fighting with yourself. You’d turned that moment in the kitchen over and over in your mind, and why you couldn’t do what you were supposed to do.

Now, looking at Dean’s face, you understood why your heart broke for him. Why your heart ached with ridiculous longing for him in equal measure.

You knew then that he’d take care of you. That he’d protect you. And maybe…

“Sam and I don’t make a habit of going after the same girl,” Dean said. Even that, it seemed, was difficult for him to get out.

It broke you from your thoughts, again with your frown.

“Yeah?” you asked. A bit of your temper sparked once again. “Is that why you’re making me Yoko Ono? I’ll tell you something right now. You’re not John and Sam’s not Paul and I refuse to break up the band, Dean!”

“No one’s asking you to!” Dean said, finally raising his voice to match you.

He got off his seat and stood to his full height. Though he wasn’t as tall as his brother, he still towered over you. You craned your head up to glare at him.

His green eyes were once again full of fire. You tried to resist it, but that look made a jolt of electricity zip down your spine, and between your legs.  

“Oh, really?” you retorted. “That’s what you want? For me to forget you didn’t shake me the hell up?”

“Yeah, I really fucking would,” Dean gritted out. Even though his heart leapt at your admission, that he’d shaken you up at all.

“Why?” you said. “If you claim to care about me, why would you—”

“Why would you?” he shot back. He gestured at you with a dismissive hand. “The second you saw him, it was like your face lit the hell up. I’m not gonna get in his way. And by the time the you two were together, I just…I didn’t think you…”

Dean cut himself off, turning from you to wipe a frustrated hand over his mouth.

You watched him very closely, all while you made efforts to take in some deep, even breaths. You followed him, and more tentatively, you grabbed onto his wrist to tug him back around.

“Why would I what, Dean? You didn’t think I’d what?” you all but pleaded. Your grip lowered and tightened on his hand.

“Just talk to me,” you said. “Because this is your one and only chance.”

He was reluctant. For once, you could see it written all over his face. Or maybe you were just getting better at reading him.

“It’s fine. I’ve made my peace with it,” said Dean.

Liar.

He shook his head and slipped his hand out of yours.

“At the end of the day, you saw him, not me,” he said. “So go back upstairs, and we’ll never have to talk about this again.”

Your frown deepened as he sat back down and tried to turn away from you. You were so goddamn mad. At yourself, or at him, you didn’t know what percentages of each.

So you closed the distance between you and Dean and turned him back around, with a firm hand on his shoulder. Even with that small touch, your insides fluttered at the firm muscle there, and the broadness of his frame when he let you move him. He blew out an exasperated breath.

You wavered just slightly, as you contemplated the confession you were about to make. It shamed you, but at the same time, you were woman enough to admit your mistakes.

“I did see you,” you said, meeting his eyes. “But Sam never hesitated to show me what he wanted. And maybe…maybe he was safer. Familiar, and less dangerous.”

Dean’s brows furrowed, incredulous and confused.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked.

You couldn’t fault him for it. Your hand eased on his shoulder.

“Dean, seeing Sam again was like getting my best friend back,” you told him. “Back in college, we were thick as thieves. Me and Jess, Sam and Brady. And when you two found me to help with that case, I wouldn’t have ever seen him as anything more than my friend…until he did something about it.”

Your gaze was pointed. Dean’s lips pursed.

“When I met you,” you continued, “it was like the Godfather ‘thunderbolt.’ When you flirted with me, I didn’t know what to do with myself…whereas with Sam, I could fall back on my old habits.”

Dean’s face knitted further, making you sigh.

“With Sam, I’m the person I was when he knew me. The me that never faltered. That had all my shit together,” you said. Your small smile then was self-deprecating at best.

You felt vulnerable. Dean could see it in the way you held yourself. It was costing you something to be this honest, and that meant something to him. His face might've been stoic, but he was hanging on your every word.

“With you…with you I can’t hide," you said. Your voice was softer, slightly trembling. "And that terrifies me, more than monsters.”

Looking into Dean’s eyes again, you found him actually listening. He seemed to be digesting your words, and trying to make sense of them. You reached for him, clenching a hand in his shirt.

“So what was it that you thought I wouldn’t do?” you asked.

Dean studied your face a moment longer. He hesitated.

But he couldn’t keep lying to you either. What you’d just said gave him hope that he wasn’t about to fall flat on his face here.

With a deep, defeated breath, he shook his head and leaned his elbows on his thighs.

“I just got to thinkin’…” he said. “Why would you give up what you’ve got with him, for me?”

You didn’t know quite what to feel when you looked down at him. Disheartened, sympathetic, annoyed…but most of all, you felt your heart clench.

Your hands framing Dean’s face brought his eyes back to yours. You stepped in between his open legs.

“I’m going to try something. Just once,” you said, biting your lip. “And if it doesn’t work, we won’t speak of this again. Understand?”

A true smile finally twitched at the corner of his mouth.

“All right,” he agreed. You nodded.

Slowly, ever slowly, you leaned down and brushed your lips with his. It was chaste and sweet. Your hands were soft curving along his jawline. His hands found their way to your waist, molding to your shape. That steadied you, and encouraged you to dive back in.

You tilted your head and kissed him a bit deeper. He held you more securely against him, like he was afraid you were going to think better of this and pull away from him.

But you didn’t. His lips were soft and supple and knew how to move against yours. He soon guided you down for a seat on his strong thighs, even though the stool he was sitting on creaked at the added weight.

Then his tongue begged entrance past your lips. If this was his one chance, then damn it, he was going to make the most out of it.

You let him in with a moan. Your fingers tangled in his short hair, your nails dragging down the back of his neck and making a tendril of heat run down his spine. He squeezed your hips, down your thighs, while his lips continued to ravage yours.

It was one hell of a kiss.

But it wasn’t just lust either. At least, not for you. It was warmth, and an overwhelming feeling being right where you were always meant to be.

For Dean, it felt like a craving he wasn't meant to indulge in...but even so, having you in his arms felt as natural as he feared it would be. He didn't just want you. He wanted this. Today, and every day.

When his lips finally dragged away from yours, it took you a moment before you could even open your eyes, let alone catch your breath.

“Damn it,” you whispered.

Dean chuckled, and pulled back just far enough to graze your cheek with his curled fingers.

“Guess I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said. You smiled, but it soon fell.

“Oh God, Dean. What’re we gonna do?” you asked. Already there were tears stinging in your eyes. And still, you held him back with your arms curled around his neck. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

Dean’s relief, and a hidden swell of happiness, also dimmed. “That ship’s sailed, sweetheart."

You sniffed, wiping at your face. “Don’t joke right now, please.”

“I’m not joking,” he said. He held you a fraction tighter. His deep voice rumbled, with desire, longing, and remorse all at once. “I’m actually serious beyond fucking belief.”

You saw everything you needed to see in his eyes. It gave you the strength to be honest.

“So am I,” you nodded, sniffling again. “I’ll talk to him.”

Dean shook his head. “He’s my brother. I’ll do it.”

You stroked his cheek, feeling the rasp of stubble against your fingers.

“Together, then,” you compromised.

And with an unsettled breath, you reluctantly detangled yourself from Dean. Before this went any further, you needed to talk to Sam. It was easily one of the hardest things you’d ever contemplated doing in your life.

Dean seemed to have similar thoughts as he let you up, then stood along with you. He dragged a hand through his hair again and heaved a sigh.

“It’s not gonna be easy,” he said. His brows drew together as he considered every alternative reaction his brother might have. None of them were pretty.

You rested a hand on his arm.

“Look, Dean. If we’re going to do this…if I need to leave the bunker, I will. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work, as long as you’re in this with me,” you said.

Both your gaze and your will were unwavering. Dean didn’t doubt that you meant every word; that you were willing to jump into the fire with him. And that was just a small fraction of what had made him fall in love with you.

He took your hand, and pressed a lingering kiss to the inside of your wrist.

“I’m with you,” he replied.  

AN: So while it was painful to contemplate both of these scenarios, I hope I did them justice! 🥲

Which ending was your favorite: Sam, or Dean? 😘

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