#those situations when you just /have/ to put up boundaries because your 'forgiving' and 'caring' only makes things worse for you both

[katyspersonal]

[hyuckswoman]

mark and you arguing pt2

pt1

genre: angst then fluff

summary: after rain comes sunshine, he finally listens.

pairing: mark x y/n

“good morning” you say to your boyfriend as you pass through the kitchen reaching into a cabinet to take out a glass 

last night had been tense, because of the argument you had a really hard time sleeping, waking up every five seconds. it didn’t help that your boyfriend was the exact same, the only difference between you two being the guilty look on his face

you wanted nothing more than to tell him to forget about it and just cuddle him to sleep because being mad at him or more like emotionally tired wasn’t easy. yes, he fucked up but he’s still the greenest of green flags ever and you just love him too much so being apart with all those angsty feelings was taking a toll on you

but you decided to stand your ground nonetheless, it couldn’t be like every other time where he swooned you with his words and you ended up forgiving him. he had to learn. and even on your end, it’d be fucked up to put yourself through this. so when you woke up this morning with no one next to you, you decided to not care. turns out he was just in the kitchen though

“good morning lovely, i tried to make breakfast, i couldn’t so i went and bought some, your favorite of course, i’m just reheating it right now, juice is in the fridge by the way” your boyfriend greeted you, his back facing you (which you 100% guarantee is because he’s shitting his pants and hopes the tension eased) 

it did not though

“not only did you call me bitchy yesterday, you also said some dumb ass thing about if you were with her.. mark you’re not dumb you damn well that it’s going to take more than breakfast to ease things with me, don’t piss me off so early in the morning please” you said pouring water into your glass, getting out of the kitchen. you and mark took pride in your communication skills, so you weren’t giving him the silent treatment more like you didn’t want to be in the same room as him right now because him acting as if nothing happened pissed you off even more 

the guy was going to have to practically beg for you to be okay with him again 

“..i know, and i’m sorry” mark sighed as he joined you in the living room with the food he bought earlier hoping that despite you not being happy with him, you’d still eat cause no matter how bad the situation is, it’s important to take care of yourself! 

“like i said yesterday, i heard you mark but you know.. actions speak louder than words, until we’ve reached a point where she won’t ever be the cause of a disagreement there’s always going to be some sort of tension” you said as you reached for the food. yes, the food wasn’t an enough apology but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it 

“i know, that’s why i’m going to see her later today, set some real boundaries, tell her off kind of because i do really- and i’m not just saying this to please you or whatever, she has crossed some boundaries that she shouldn’t have so yeah maybe her and i aren’t as close friends as i thought we were” your boyfriend says pouring your favorite juice into your now empty water cup 

first of all, you did appreciate your boyfriend doing all of that (FINALLY!!) but you weren’t going to explode with joy because of him doing the bare minimum 

second of all, your boyfriend is just as much in the wrong as she is. and you debated on telling him that he should also self reflect but decided that you truly wanted him to realize it without you spelling everything out to him 

so you just hummed to the news, finishing up your breakfast heading upstairs while your boyfriend cleaned up and got ready to meet his friend

external pov? 

“hi markie” his friend said as your boyfriend took seat in front of her 

“did i make you wait long?” he replied. despite him not greeting her, her smile grew as she realized he cared about her enough to worry about her time 

“no don’t worry i just got here, anyway you wanted to talk?” she asked in anticipation, it was probably going to be good news (although good news for her meant bad news for you) she hoped your guys maybe broke up or something 

“yea and i’m going to talk for a while so please do not interrupt me” he asked as she nodded eagerly waiting for the breakup news to drop 

“i wanted to talk to you about yesterday, or every single hangout we’ve done ever since i started dating y/n. like i said, y/n and i are dating and i truly think she’s the one so i want to do everything in my power not to fuck it up. and that includes you stepping over boundaries that you shouldn’t step over seeing as though we’re friends. i think last night made me realize how odd? you were around me, how your hands lingered on me maybe a bit too long for a friend, or how you cut off my girlfriend when she was trying to talk, how you made backhanded comments towards her and look, i'm not asking you to like her but she's my girlfriend and she deserves some respect and i'll choose her over you in the blink of an eye. that’s why i’m choosing to put some distance in between us, at least until i’m 100% sure your behavior won’t be the same” mark finishes his rant, his fingers playing with his ring, dreading his (impulsive) friend’s reaction

“ain’t no fucking way you’re being serious right now mark, i’ve known you my whole life and you choose some random girl over me?” his friend says angry that not only you guys are still together but he’s dropping her for..you?? 

“if you don’t have anything respectful to say about y/n i’ll just leave clearly you’re not listening” your boyfriend answers, his patience getting tested 

“no, you don’t get the last word i do. you want to drop me for her? fine. i’ll do fine without you mark but what you cannot do is put the blame all on me. yes, i’ve been inappropriately acting with you but it’s only because you allowed it. each time i thought i was maybe reading too much into the mixed signals you were giving me you reassured me by apologizing because- in your own words - she was being irrational. mark, you are as much to blame as i am and i won’t sit here and let you shift the blame entirely onto me because you allowed me to flirt with you, which is something you would’ve never done if you loved your girlfriend as much as you say you do. and for the first time ever, i do hope you guys break up but not because i want you to myself but because she deserves better than you. fuck you mark” his friend says leaving the café leaving a dumbfounded mark. 

i mean she wasn’t wrong, if he had set clear boundaries from the start she would’ve never flirted with him. your boyfriend started to wonder if that was perhaps the reason why you weren’t THAT enthusiastic this morning when he told you he’d make things right.

so the whole drive home, mark’s head was clouded with thoughts that mainly centered around him being the biggest asshole ever, not only from the words he told you yesterday but also from the way he’s been acting all this time. and it saddened him that he put you through all of that. 

it’s with a heavy heart that he entered your shared house, silently praying god you weren’t going to realize that you do deserve better than him (which he knew was selfish but didn’t care) 

« so… how did it go? i don’t know what you told her but if it’s the same thing you told me this morning I’m guessing she didn’t take it very well » you say watching your boyfriend enter the house 

you guessed it must have went sour judging from the gloomy face he’s making and how deep in thought he seems to be. You didn’t like his friend but you know he liked her very much so you hoped that she said something along the lines of ‘yes i understand and i’m sorry, i’ll respect your boundaries better in the future and i’m hoping we can still be friend’ to salvage their friendship but at the same time you weren’t a fool and you knew that it realistically could never happen 

« it didn’t go super great, we’re not friends anymore but you know in retrospect it’s not a huge loss she wasn’t as good of a friend as i believed she was » you boyfriend started sitting down next to you on the couch 

you wondered what was up with him though, he looked genuinely devastated and it worried you to see him in such state 

« then what’s up? i wouldn’t usually pry and instead wait until you open up to me, but mark i’m concerned you look… sad. and i know we’re in a disagreement right now but i still sincerely believe that you’re the love of my life so i hate to see you upset » you say as your boyfriend slowly lifts his head and looks at you with glossy eyes before his first tear shed 

you immediately hugged your boyfriend rubbing his back as he mumbled through tears about how you deserved better, which you were confused about where it came from, so when his tears quieted down you looked at him waiting to explain

« she just… she said something about how we’re both in the wrong and it upset me because she’s right and she made me realize it instead of me realizing it on my own.. and she said you deserved better and at first i thought whatever she’s just mad i don’t care but she’s not wrong. You deserve better than a boyfriend who lets his friends flirt with him and who dismisses you and acts as if their friend is correct. i’m not trying to victimize myself or manipulate you with my words i’m just really sorry that i’ve been such an undeserving boyfriend and i selfishly don’t want to let you go when maybe i should so, please, give me another chance and i’ll prove to you that i can be the boyfriend you deserve. i swear i’ll be better just please don’t leave me » you boyfriend says. 

you were honestly kind of taken aback by every single one of his thoughts. you did feel a little guilty at first but that quickly went away when you remembered why you guys were in this situation in the first place. 

« listen, like i told you i’m not mad. i was just tired of you not listening to me but it seems like you’ve heard me this time even though i wished it had not gotten that far. i love you and i do not deserve better than you, you fucked up but i fuck up all the time as well and even though i did not picture the end of this situation with me reassuring you, it does not mean that you’re manipulating me, you feel guilty and that’s normal because you messed up but we’ll move past this. it’s a little bump in the road. and i sincerely think that if this situation has taught us anything it’s that we shouldn’t listen to your friend, ESPECIALLY when she says you’re not good enough for me. now dry your big boy tears and let’s go watch a movie yea? all is better don’t worry anymore » you told your boyfriend. 

you really meant your words, everything that mark needed to learn from this he learnt, you knew him well enough to guarantee that you won’t ever be put in a similar situation ever again and that this whole mess kinda made your boyfriend grow up a little? 

plus you were never one to hold grudges, so finally calling this fight over to cuddle and watch a movie with your highly sensitive, still borderline crying boyfriend was quite an easy thing to do. And even though you told him it was okay the next billion times he apologized to you during the following days, it did not stop him from spoiling you with gifts, kind words, actions etc.. like the man shoved all five love languages down your throat and even though it wasn’t necessary, it was always nice and made you feel loved.

that’s why in retrospect, you were (kinda) glad this whole thing happened and he was glad he learnt how to be better for his pretty girl. 

[prince-liest]

what I love most about your 666 vox is that even though he and alastor make an olympic sport out of bending the boundaries of "safe and sane" sex, he seems to VERY firmly believe in the "consensual" part... him letting go of alastor the SECOND he uses his safe word, holding himself back when alastor can't handle touch during his rut, all that stuff. so what would his reaction be if the events of bus stop happened in the same verse and he learned about what valentino did? I know you mentioned it in another ask before but it's been rotating in my mind for days lol - ✨

Alright, y'all get the long and serious answer for this one! >:) Buckle up, buttercups! And thank you SO much for your kind words! <3

I genuinely think that Vox is a fairly shitty person who does not typically particularly care about the violation of consent. He is so free not just with lying, selling spyware, and enabling enabling Valentino, but also with dominating people's will with his hypnosis in his introduction. I think that, if anything, he gets a power trip out of it and he sees what Valentino does, generally, as an extension of that! They're the Vees! They're powerful, they're winning, they have Pentagram City wrapped around their fingers!

However, in 666, his view of Alastor and the fact that Alastor lets him do things is obsessive and borderline worshipful, in, like, a fucked up sadomasochistic way! 666 is written from Alastor's POV so you get to see a lot of his own emotional progression with regard to how he views Vox, but on Vox's end, he's also seeing Alastor differently. He would not be able to genuinely think that he's fallen in love with Alastor if he wasn't able to get past being worshipfully infatuated with him first. He's still obsessive, but especially after O.T.O Special 6.66, Now Streaming: The Birds and the Bees, Natural Wonders! (aka. the rut fic, I know, my fucking titles—) where Alastor starts offering Vox more genuine vulnerability without the looming threat of his shadow, he sees Alastor as more of an actual person rather than a celebrity figure to fight or fuck or both.

Which means that, before Vox made that transition, he would probably be pissed that Valentino ruined his chances to get up to more shit with Alastor. He is very careful with regards to Alastor's consent in the first two installations of 666 because he's extremely aware of how easily Alastor could withdraw it, and how little Vox could do about that. He's not willing to lose Alastor after the taste he's finally had! He's practically manic about finally getting what he wants!

After he's developed more genuine feelings for Alastor (and Alastor has moved solidly into being one of the relatively few people that Vox registers as not just being an NPC or untouchable raid boss in his life), he would be... absolutely fucking mortified, I think. The empathy would fucking suck! That's why he prefers not to have it for most people!

But the thing is, he also loves Val. He has history with Val. And he knows what Val is like. I think he would be less actually, genuinely, overtly angry at Valentino in this scenario than he would have been if he'd just seen Val as ruining his big break with Alastor. He'd make a show of it, sure, but how the hell can he really blame Valentino when he genuinely wouldn't have given (has never given) half of a shit if it had actually been Angel Dust?

And he also knows what Alastor is like. I think his decision would be forced by the fact that despite what happened, Alastor is alive and Valentino is very much about to not be. In a triage situation, one of those people is by default a higher priority.

Alastor, of course, would never forgive that. He would also never forgive the fact that Vox knows what happened—and knows it in a universe where Alastor had dared allow Vox liberties and slowly, eventually, trusted him not to abuse them.

Like I said! It would absolutely nuke the relationship, and I think Alastor would put a great deal of effort into turning all of V Tower and its inhabitants, likely especially Vox, even moreso than Valentino, into so much rubble and a wet smear on the ground.

[babsvibes]

It's My Party (and I'll fry if I want to) for director’s cut.

(I think this was the second Louigan fic I read from your account back when I was a lurker, lol.)

Oooo okay forgive me for how wordy this is about to be, but I had a lot of notes about IMP that I ended up publishing in a little notes fic, but I've copied them over below! I can't believe this angsty mess was the second fic you read!! Usually I lure people in with a false sense of security with all my romcom fics 😭 ahhh thank you so much for asking!!

It's My Party (and I'll fry if I want to)

I think this fic is the one I put the most thought into. I didn't want it to come off like a spite fic or anything like that, I just genuinely wanted to tell a story where they're all the good guy and the bad guy and sometimes situations are complicated

So this piece was meant for people who have been told for so long that parts of themselves weren’t worthy of love and believed it, settling for relationships where their needs aren’t met. It's told in present tense to make things feel more in the moment. I didn't shy away from passive language, especially in Louise and Rudy scenes because they are passive participants in their own life, not willing to make active changes, then I tried to use active language with Logan scenes.

Characters:

Rudy

Flaws: Easy going guy with a bit of a pushover nature. He has a tendency to let Louise take care of him in a protective role (not necessarily a flaw, but could be if taken to the extreme).

Exacerbating event: Rudy’s gone back to school to get his masters in engineering. He couldn’t juggle a full time job and coursework, so he is currently unemployed.

How it happened: Being a child of divorce with medical needs, Rudy is used to people making decisions for him and developed a go with the flow attitude towards life. After his perceived failure at juggling too much at once, Rudy retreated further into his own passive behavior in order to avoid the feelings of inadequacy that come with being an adult. This presents itself as stress avoidance, refusal to make decisions, and being easily overwhelmed by small tasks.

When Louise starts a fire, he lets it burn until he can’t ignore it, leading to an explosion. It showcases a different set of value systems that should have been addressed sooner in their relationship but isn’t because of his lax behavior. In this story, just because he goes along with her doesn’t mean he supports her.

Logan

Flaws: Stubborn, escalates situations, egotistical

Exacerbating event: Logan never received closure from him and Louise’s fling.

How it happened: Catalyst shit-eater. Logan and Louise are like minded individuals, often expressing desire for the same thing but on opposing teams (continuing the biker fight, using military tactics for territory on a snowy hill, revenge on whoever wrongs them). Relying on a bit of cultural stereotyping of upper middle class cis white boys, Logan would struggle with expressing feelings of intimacy. In a fling where people don’t communicate clear desires or boundaries, it is possible to cross wires on what is sex and what is something more. In this, Logan would be confused about what he feels for Louise. It makes it even harder when he tries to have a conversation about their relationship and she cuts him out. He moves away having never fully understood what happened between them.

His stubbornness and lack of respect for those around him culminate in him trying to get back with Louise even while she’s in a relationship. Does he know if he actually wants to date her if he succeeds? The reader doesn’t know, but it also doesn’t matter. He is willing to manipulate the situation to his benefit, even honestly admitting to what he’s doing. He is what Louise is missing in her relationship: someone who understands her while still being fun and taking care of himself. Because his flaws are so apparent, breaking up with Rudy to date Logan is a dangerous option.

Louise

Flaws: Struggles communicating feelings though she feels deeply, avoids blame, and money driven

Exacerbating event: Working in a kitchen that isn’t with her family gives her weird hours and normalizes self destructive tendencies

How that works: Louise wants to be the one in charge that takes care of others, godfather style. Combining this with her struggle to express feelings of intimacy (think doesn’t want to admit she has a crush on BooBoo, not admitting she looks up to Bob), Louise isn’t adept at communicating her own needs in a relationship, as her control issues don’t want her to believe that she does need things from others.

Restaurant kitchens can often be breeding grounds for toxic behavior: a combination of high stress, poor sleep, substance abuse as a coping mechanism and aggressive management styles. Kitchens can attract people who don’t have the resources to seek help, which would have exposed Louise to “horror story” relationships to be avoided. None of these factors would be conducive to Louise working through needing more from Rudy, especially when he contradicts her expressing herself in other ways. He shuts her down when she says something violent, which may be for her own good in the long run but it’s not what she needs in the moment.

When she tries to express issues with Rudy, she misdirects and uses an easier topic for her to communicate: money. Financial stress is a huge factor in relationship issues. She brings it up because it’s her way of saying she’s putting more effort into the relationship than Rudy. Rudy sees this as her reminding him of his own inadequacies and shuts down.

Not getting reactions from him, she turns to Logan, who will give her a reaction, who will help her start the fire, and who gives her the attention she needs even if it’s from a selfish place. To her, at least he’s upfront about it. Louise doesn’t need to work with Logan or take care of him. It alleviates the stress of responsibility that’s been weighing her down.

While within the show her family is a support system, in this fic she feels alienated from them, specifically Tina who didn’t approve of her first relationship with Logan due to the very real risk of falling into unhealthy behaviors. Louise interprets this as her family believing her wants are inherently “wrong” and she internalizes the message that she is a bad person for wanting what’s wrong. Rudy unintentionally reinforces this messaging, and that’s why the climax of the fic involves Logan calling her “good” every time she vocalizes a desire.

Motifs and symbols:

Watching TV with someone

Louise is watching TV three separate times with Rudy. All three times, she has to make space for his wants; pausing so he can speak, turning off the volume so he’s not startled by loud noises, and turning it off completely after his digital detox retreat.

Louise watches TV once with Logan, and he’s an active participant.

When Louise tries to engage them in media: Rudy can’t follow her train of thought but Logan plays along

Tearing paper labels as a nervous habit

Open with Louise trying to take a label off without tearing it. It’s her desire to end things but not hurt anyone. She keeps ripping the paper, guaranteeing she will hurt someone.

Logan disregards the ripped paper. He pushes the balled up pieces of paper off the bar and to the floor. He does not care about the hurt they might cause others. He takes the label off her beer for her. He’s willing to hurt others for the end result.

Logan tells her the answer is patience. In Louise’s perspective, she can’t act rashly even though her instinct is to explode. If she takes her time explaining what’s going through her head, there’s less of a chance she’ll hurt someone.

In Logan’s perspective, his end goal (sleeping with Louise) also requires patience. He’s telling her he will be patient.

The last label, the wine, is unnoticed by Louise. She is past the point of caring if she hurts someone

Food

Food is effort

Louise’s life is dedicated to food and therefore effort. She works in a kitchen, where her effort is rarely rewarded and leaves her tired. She cooks soup for Rudy, and he doesn’t eat it

Logan made dinner for himself. It’s not great, but he tried. Louise makes it better. They put in effort for themselves but the other benefits

Rudy’s efforts are: To order food in (reliance on others), Cook boxed stroganoff (only contribute minimum), And to forget to turn on the oven (cannot finish a task)

Logan is seen ordering treats that are more expensive or require a trip, because he puts in effort for what he wants

The climax is revealed that Logan is improving his cooking. Not because Louise told him to, but he wanted to be better

Again, it comes from a place of ego, but it doesn’t matter. Rudy lacks the ego and the ability to put in effort. Louise seeks the opposite of Rudy, and Logan is the opposite in the extreme.

Orgasms

Allowing for pleasure. Rudy can’t bring it, Louise can’t find it, Logan won’t let it go

Flowers

Empty promises. They look nice but they don’t solve anything. Begonias are a bad omen (Try to move past this one like a throwaway line so flower symbolism isn’t so heavy handed)

Noisy neighbors

With Rudy, it’s a sign of external disruption and lack of peace With Louise and Logan, they ARE the noisy neighbors, causing the disruption and chaos

Louise is an unreliable narrator

She always calls the bartender a different Eli name. His real name is Erik, but she was too drunk to read properly

Louise cries but doesn’t realize it like when she’s driving away after Rudy doesn’t eat the soup. Rudy assumed the soup was something she was testing for work, not something for him to eat. She cries a second undisclosed time

Rudy knows she’s hiding something, but because she doesn’t think he can tell when she’s lying it never comes up. Undetermined if he knows she’s cheating on him

Louise never makes a note of the good things Rudy does. He does listen to her vent but sets boundaries for his own safety. When she gets aggressive, it scares him, but Louise considers it proof that she’s a bad person he can’t handle

Logan is intentional

Every time it’s revealed that Rudy is incapable of meeting one of Louise’s needs, Logan turns around and proves that he can meet that need. He is doing it purposefully to persuade her away from Rudy He dresses up whenever Louise comes over, purely to make himself more attractive. When he’s wearing white, he’s being manipulative

Biggest mistakes

-Louise refuses to communicate openly and cheats -Rudy struggles to be an active agent in his own life while discouraging Louise in hers. Most noticeably by refusing to fix the shower head and telling her to calm down -Logan refuses to soften his ego or make himself safer

Mood Music (for myself)

Love Again - Run the Jewels (for the sex scene) Judy’s Turn To Cry - Lesley Gore (a flavor of manic sadness) Scotty Doesn’t Know - I forget (for when Logan’s being cocky) Our Perfect Disease - The Wombats (when Rudy and Louise aren’t working) Lethal Combination - The Wombats (when Louise and Logan are working but they shouldn’t) Najwa - a real coworker but her name means secret

It is okay to try to gain experience in other kinds of writing and genres through practice. You are not a bad person for writing about something taboo.

[monstermoviedean]

to offer an additional thought on castiel's headspace

dean up until the rupture argument is kind of blunt and rude to castiel, and had previously stated if mary was gone, castiel was dead to him.

now, dean is not obligated to forgive castiel, but when castiel hears "why does it always seem to be you" he hears "why do you keep failing" and assumes any affection dean had for him has gone.

so he decides to leave because he thinks that up until this point (and started putting up with him) after 14x18, dean has just been putting up with him, so even if castiel knows dean has requested he stick around in the past, hes presuming any past requests no longer apply.

and dean is presuming castiel has finally realized that dean is toxic or something, so he doesnt wanna hold him down, especially if dean saw how distraught cas's expression was and regretted causing it.

anyway. i care about them sooooo much

i understand where you're coming from, and you make a lot of valid points. i do disagree on a few points - and i'm aiming for a discussion tone here, not a critical one, so i hope it comes across that way!

on dean being blunt and rude - i think you're referring to 15x01, when dean asks if cas is okay and then ends the conversation? and the 15x02 conversation about reality and the 15x03 fight? the latter two I'm iffy on. i'm fine saying dean was blunt, and definitely rude in the latter convo. but i also think cas backs him into a corner and demands a conversation dean isn't ready to have. i talked about that a little bit here. that's not to say that dean can say whatever he wants - just that cas is starting these conversations when dean can't really handle them. also, a little funny that cas can often be referred to as blunt and/or rude.

the line about cas being dead to him. ugh. that one i want to blame on berens. but if i take it at face value, yup, that's an unfair and hurtful thing to say! i don't think dean means it but that doesn't negate the hurt it causes.

dean isn't obligated to forgive - yes! and i'd like to add that cas hasn't given much of an apology yet. he's said he's sorry but that's about the extent of it. i've seen people discuss cas "playing" sorry rather than being sorry in the context of s7. while i don't think that's entirely true here, and i do believe cas is sorry, i also think it would have meant a lot to dean if cas sincerely apologized and showed he meant it by giving dean space. cas is not obligated to do this either, of course.

me personally, i don't think whether dean asks cas to stay or not factors much into cas' decision-making. i hear you on past requests not applying anymore, and i see the logic. but for me, cas didn't really honor those past requests either. he came and went as he pleased. so i have a little trouble believing that this was the one time cas wanted to stay and was going to stay if he'd "been allowed," just because the past pattern is primarily dean asking cas to stay and cas choosing to leave.

also, i have no evidence for this, but i would expect the bunker reminded cas of jack. i would imagine staying there would be difficult even if everything was fine between cas and dean.

i think this is an unstoppable force (cas) / immovable object (dean) situation. cas needs to push forward, he needs to talk things through with dean regardless of the consequences, he can't bear to have something "unfixed" when he could "fix" it. dean needs space and time to process his grief and anger and fear, and he can't handle those boundaries being pushed. they're both deeply hurt and they both hurt each other. it's not fair to either of them and it's awful to watch.

and on your last point - yes, i care about them so much too 😭 i've been focusing mainly on dean's perspective here because i see so many discussions of the rupture that essentially blame dean for everything - but i do try to understand cas' perspective too, and i value it.

[tarotbrina]

Weekly Horoscope ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈୨♡୧┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Cardinals: I want to let go of something, change everything and start over or from scratch but I'm very afraid. If I don't see it, it doesn't exist. If I go crazy, I might not have to get over it because I'm afraid to face it.Indigenous person. Blizzard. Planning something. Red car, Buddha or stone statue. New loves or friendships and self-love. Praying for something, having a little hope. Let go of the screens and touch the grass because they are increasing your anxiety. 918 ARW.

Opening your eyes is painful, but as I always say, it is the first step to improve your quality of life. You will find out something or finally accept something that you had hidden. Don't back down and face things! You have many new ideas and plans, keep going like this and get serious.With them, because that will get you out of the cave, something that you really need. I don't have much more to tell you than this week you just need to have decision and action to complete what you have in mind. Don't be afraid, behind that is everything you are looking for.

Mutable: Animism. Asking for forgiveness and thanks to things. I want to escape from this prison. This feels like a trap and every day I feel more frustrated and until it explodes it will not stop. Indigenous person. Martial arts. Destiny, North America 814 LEPC.

Forced things never work and I'm not saying that putting effort or effort into something or someone is wrong but there are limits and if one is always pushing the other or whatever in the end it will end badly. You have to relax. STOP FOR A MOMENT!

who warns is not a traitor. You must take some time for yourself, to be alone and relax. You will not do things right if you continue to be so stressed. Observe others, the situation and yourself, think before acting or speaking. You are a very intelligent person, but when everything gets the better of you, you sink into yourself and create absolute chaos. Take it easy for a while. When you have to talk to someone, speak from your intelligence and your heart, but try to make sure that those words are not daggers.

And no, you are not a shitty person, nor do you deserve the worst and those destructive things. You just have to learn to say enough and set healthy boundaries before you explode, but it seems that you yourself like to wallow in shit.

Fixed: abuse something. see a fire . be careful of infections. A basement or something underground. A collapsing building. To be afraid of something that is neither real nor probable. To be dissatisfied with anything or anyone. 944 LANP

What are you so afraid of? Of not knowing how to do things right? Of screwing up because you don't know how to plan or lead something on your own? Get rid of those doubts and fears, love, because they only hold you back and you know it. You're literally making up movies for yourself, always on the negative side, and that's not how it is.

You have to take those fears and send them packing by talking badly. You have to be open to new things and stop locking yourself in that spiral of negativity. Take action and put a stop to your emotions before they overwhelm you. I don't know if you'll ever have problems with an older man, if so, don't take it so seriously because he's just telling you about his life experiences. Listen to him and take what's worth it.

[dopecoffeehideout]

The Letter I'll Never Send: Part IX

Dear Chelsea,

I don't even know where to start.

I never thought we'd be where we are. A part of me knew we'd change--that our friendship would change--but I truly did not expect this. There were multiple times since we were twenty-one that I felt the shift. And maybe I should have done something about those times sooner, but I didn't. I've always bottled everything up until the bottle shattered. And that's what happened with us.

I'll always regret how I originally handled everything. I know now that there were some things I said that I never should have put into the universe. I know now that I retaliated and attacked you in the spots of your life that I knew would hurt you the most. You know, I was your best friend, so I knew what would hurt and I didn't care. My goal was to hurt you and I succeeded. And for that, I'm sorry. I'll always be sorry.

There definitely was a point in time where I should have tried having a conversation with you sooner. I don't know if the outcome would have been any different, but I probably owed it to you to try sooner. I was convinced that telling you I needed some space would land better. I know I could have told you that in a better way. I could have made it less personal. I should have done it that way. I genuinely felt like I needed space from you. I did not know how to navigate what I needed to go through while having you in my life. And it may be firm to say this, but I did not want you in my life during that time.

I proved to be right with that thought or feeling with what I found out from you after we talked. I was right to need space from you because you went behind my back. You viewed the situation with an inaccurate lens. You saw me as the 17-year-old version of myself and that was something hurtful that I don't know how to forgive you for. You saw me as someone who did not grow. You saw me as someone who didn't have the support system I had at that point in my life. And I'm inclined to think that maybe because you weren't a part of it, you didn't think I had one. It wasn't your place to get involved the way you did. You told me I blew by boundaries, but you did the same. The only difference is that I can recognize what I did wrong, but I never felt like you genuinely were able to.

Not only did you invade the relationship I've developed with my mom, which I'm incredibly protective of, but you wanted to invade my marriage. You weren't able to because I told Austin to block any form of communication you'd be able to have with him. You weren't able to because I beat you to the punch. Maybe you thought that was the best way to go about it, just like how I thought the way I went about you was the best. But I apologized for it without feeling like I needed to because I knew I was wrong. I don't believe you feel as if you did anything wrong.

And then you told me, in other words, that the only way you were able to accept what I did to you was because you thought I was having a mental health episode. And when I tried to explain to you that my view of the situation was that you weaponized my mental health to defend yourself, you told me that was not true. You invalidated what I tried telling you hurt me. I told you my mental health is something nobody gets to talk about beyond myself, my mother, and my husband, because that list is who is involved in it. It's something that is a non-starter because I know how hard I work to maintain my mental health. I know what goes into my mental health. You don't and you never have. And it was insulting for you, when things could be said about your own mental and emotional health, to use it against me. The solution wasn't a cheap comment about never talking about it again. It was disingenuous and I find you disingenuous.

It doesn't stop there. I tried to tell you how I saw things. How I viewed things. And not once did you try to understand any of it. You told me you didn't agree, that you didn't understand and that it wasn't true. You got frustrated when I wouldn't let it go. I even told you I've been afraid to talk about certain things with you because I knew you wouldn't handle them well. I told you it felt like I had to diffuse a bomb at times when it came to our friendship. You said similarly about me, which I've acknowledged and understood and apologized for. You've never done the same.

It felt like a one-sided friendship at the end. It felt like I needed to do what you wanted me to for us to move forward. I wanted to move forward and still find myself wanting to move forward, but I just don't know how feasible that is. I poured my brain out to you because I wanted you to understand my views, thoughts, emotions, and needs. And, to me, it seemed like it didn't align with what you wanted from me, so you told me I didn't provide you with anything helpful to move on. I don't know what else I could do at this point besides saying I do miss you and do wish we could figure this out.

You know, you told me you were at a place in your life where you wanted to focus on the happy bubble you were in. That you finally had a boyfriend and it was important to you at that time to celebrate that. I could have heard that more. I could have been more understanding of that. But it felt one-sided at the time. I guess, through all of this, it's felt onesided, with me having to do more work with vocalizing things or changing. I don't really know.

The one thing you've focused on time and time again is that we're different people at different places in our lives who want different things out of our lives. I agree with you. I don't expect you to understand who I am right away. I don't expect you to understand the life Austin & I have been creating and the changes we'll experience in the next few years. I find myself having a hard time understanding how different life will be when those changes happen. I would hope you'd be able to offer me the same sentiment. We both have to rediscover each other. We both have to hear each other better. And it's going to be work and take time.

You told me over a year ago that you weren't in a place in your life where you wanted to put the time and energy in. If I'm being honest, that hurt me. It made me feel disposable. But I understand it. I still understand it. And maybe you don't feel that way anymore. A part of me feels foolish for caring this much still. I feel one-sided when it comes to it because you made it clear you didn't care.

It wouldn't be easy. I know that much right now. You continued to disrespect me after we parted. I had to tell you to remove my mom from any social media because you no longer had a right into my life or my family's life by deciding to take me out of yours. And you partially were successful with removing her from your personal social media, but you kept her on your business one. You know, semantics, but kind of shitty. I know who you are. I've seen you stalk people on Instagram through their mothers' accounts. So you pretty much lied.

And then there's the Erin of it all. You knew very well how I felt about Austin's sister. I even asked you at points to remove his family from your social media accounts and to not do business with them out of respect for me. Allegedly, you honored it while we were in each other's lives. But then I found out you did the hair and makeup for Erin's wedding. A wedding Austin was excluded from. A wedding for a person I have many, many issues with. A wedding for a person who vindictively excluded her brother as the only person excluded from her wedding event. This is a horrible look for you and is something I will need a significant amount of time to stomach. Because this is just fucked up and you don't have an out on this one. You made a mistake and messed up.

I am not a perfect person. You are not a perfect person. We have both made mistakes and have hurt each other. If we are actually going to figure this shit out and move forward, we have to be honest with each other and learn to forgive each other.

For whatever reason, I keep coming back to you. I wish I didn't, but I do. I still want to figure this out. I still miss you. And I hate myself for it because it'd be easier if I didn't feel that way. So, you can tell me to fuck off. That you actually mourned our friendship. Whatever else you previously told me. Or we can be real people. Real friends. And fix this.

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

Can I get something for the papas and an s/o who just had to cut off the relationship between them and their family? My husband and I just had to cut his dad and step mom out of our lives, even if temporarily. It really sucks and kinda hurts. 🥲

Awww, I'm so sorry. That's always the worst. But sometimes it's for the better, speaking as someone who has had to put those boundaries on people. I hope these help you!

(Also some content warning for toxic family dynamics and mentions of emotional abuse. )

Papas When Their S/O Goes No Contact with Family

Papa Nihil: It's such a strange concept to him, not going to lie. But Nihil had a very different upbringing. When you are part of a prestigious bloodline born to rule, you don't always get to choose how your relations with your family end up. Nor do you get to choose if you never see them again (ceremonies and bullshit traditions and all that!) But seeing you go through so much pain is a completely different story. Nihil consistently asks if you want him to tell your family to fuck off! While you appreciate the sentiment, you've always declined. Nihil is happy to watch you take care of yourself, but he is petty when it comes to you. Imagine you telling your family off and Nihil is just behind you sticking his tongue out at them and hyping you up. Nihil is a firm believer in cutting out dead weight from your lives!!

Papa I: It was a very delicate situation for him. On one hand he loves and respects you, and never wants to overstep by making trouble OR decisions for you. On the other... he saw the look of silent defeat the first (and only) time he heard one of your parents say something horrible to you. Honestly, he can't remember many details or what the conversation was even about. Lucifer's rage filled him and he pulled you closer to him protectively and stuck a finger in your parent's face. You had to tell him later that he bellowed, "You speak RESPECTFULLY to them OR NOT AT ALL!" Papa was incredibly embarrassed he spoke over you, but was relieved to see you smile when you told him. Actually, knowing someone cared so strongly helped you snap out of it. You realized you WERE worth respect and weren't going to put up with it. You informed Papa how you were already taking steps to go no contact with everyone in your family who treats you like dirt. Papa agreed you deserved that and more.

Papa II: You're surprised when your family is the one who goes no contact with you first. You had been thinking it for a while, but found yourself in a vicious cycle of trying to 'forgive' them because 'they are your family.' It wasn't until you introduced Papa to them for the first time did it really hit you how horrible they are to you. Actually, you were initially bullied into bringing him around for them to meet. Papa was polite and bought a nice bottle of wine to share. But the night... absolutely awful. Nothing but subtle jabs at you and your choice in Papa as your partner. You were practically in tears at how your family was comfortable tearing you down in front of him- how humiliating! But Papa was not ready to watch you sit there and take it. When he saw you had enough he decided to step in. You heard rumors of how scary and cold he could be, but never saw it for yourself until that night. To say the least, you've never seen your family more scared in their entire lives! Them being the ones to boot you out was the best thing to ever happen to you!

Papa III: Brought up the concept to you first, believe it or not. He absolutely cannot STAND your family or the way they typically treat you. If they were anyone else Papa would have already torn them down with his words. But he's stilled his tongue out of respect for you. That's not to say he lets them make jabs at you. You've had to pull him out of the room a few times before he outright REFUSED to go anywhere near any members of your family. He asks why you even BOTHER putting up with such assholes! Papa knows what it's like to have a not great relationship with parents. Papa sits you down and tells you how you don't DESERVE to be treated like garbage, and blood relation is no excuse. Blood of the coven is thicker than the water of the womb, no? Papa tells you he rather you focus on people who love you. Like him, your friends, and the congregation you call home. Papa actually throws you a party to celebrate scrubbing toxicity out of your life!

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Nothing could prepare Copia for coming home and seeing you practically in tears. He panicked but felt his stomach drop when you were holding your phone. Copia knew you had been having some 'family issues' but you never elaborated. And out of respect, he never pushed. But today was the last straw. You unloaded on how much you couldn't take it anymore. Copia listened and held your hand as you finally concluded, "I don't deserve this!!" "no you don't- fuck 'em!!" It took you a back. You were expecting Copia to say the same thing everyone always seems to tell you in your life. That you can't cut out family because that's not something you do! What if they died tomorrow and you never got to say sorry? Copia didn't try to gently push you into forgiveness, he agreed! You don't have to keep anyone around who treats you like shit!

[skydemonizark]

NTA J pushed you, a thing you should just never do under any circumstances, for many reasons, like the person you're pushing might not be comfortable or ready to talk and pushing them might make things worse or hurt them. And of course like what happened with J where the one pushing couldn't actually handle what they hear. And considering he also has depression, knows decently how bad your depression is, and has experience with other people who have depression, he should have known better than to have pushed, which is why I'm saying NTA instead of NAH.

Because tbh if he hadn't pushed and you had just decided to trust him with the real reason you were going back home, I'd have voted NAH. Since confiding in someone when you have no reason to know it'll trigger them like that, is never an asshole move. You hurting him was an accident, which I know doesn't really absolve your guilt, I also grew up with depression and unintentionally hurt a lot of people with my actions, like when I told my sister she was one of the main reasons I was still alive. That hurt her deeply and I've regretted it ever since, but I wasn't an asshole for doing it because I thought it'd make her happy. And you putting trust in someone is a similar thing.

Also try not to beat yourself up too much about not telling a councilor, that's often one of those things you learn from experience and since you're young you probably didn't have that experience. But now you do and if (hopefully not) a similar situation arises again you'll know better. That's one of the reasons adults tend to be more forgiving of young people. And sure the hurt of the other party won't go away and it sucks that hurting others is somewhat unavoidable in life, and is even harder when you're young due to the lack of experience, as long as you do your best to learn and grow from these missteps you shouldn't feel like an awful person about this. Also the lesson to be learned is to tell a trusted adult when something like this happens, and to honor your own boundaries and make sure others honor them too, even people you like and trust (tho you maybe shouldn't trust people if they make a habit of pushing your boundaries).

Now off topic a tad, but I think I have an explanation for why extreme temperatures makes your depression worse. I think it's because you're using more energy on keeping cool, and the fact the being overly hot or cold is miserable enough without also having to deal with depression on top of it.

One last thing, I know you like him, but I think you should reconsider being involved in anyway with J. He clearly doesn't respect your boundaries and can't seem to take responsibility for his own actions, since he felt like blaming you for his bad reaction to something he badgered you into telling him. And while that last thing might be because he's emotionally distressed so not thinking straight, if he doesn't apologize for it and try to not do it in the future, it's basically the same as if he did it without caring that he could be hurting you.

Aita for venting?

Emojis, so I can find it later 💯⁉️💥 (unrelated, I just use them a lot)

So I(16) have been struggling with depression since I was, like, 10. It's been worse and better over the years, but something that really triggers it is extreme weather. Dunno why, but if its hot as fuck outside I *will* be considering suicide.

I regularly go to sleepaway camp every year. I usually do two weeks and usually go during the summer rainy season. Well, a year or two back (can't remember, got that depression and ADHD memory loss) I went later on in the summer than I usually do, and it was really fucking hot out. The whole time.

I could deal with it for a couple of days, especially because I was having a bit of romantic tension with J(16) (not real name, not even real initial). "I can survive any situation as long as I have a crush on someone there", or whatever that post said. He was really sweet and also suffered from depression. We talked about our struggles together, and he seemed to be responsive and chill about it. He did have trauma from his past with loved ones committing suicide, but he seemed to have worked through his grief and didn't have negative reactions when it was mentioned.

Here's where I might be the asshole. Eventually, the heat got to be too much for me, not to get too graphic but I was making plans, so I sent my parents a letter asking to pick me up. I waited a couple days for them to recieve it, and they did and called and said they would pick me up in the morning.

I delivered the news to everyone by being quite vague about what I had to go home for. When pressed, I said my parents didn't give any details and I was a little worried. That explained my acting weird away to everyone, but not J. He didn't believe me for one minute, and was determined to get to the bottom of it.

He took me outside, asked me what was wrong, and told me it was ok to tell him. It took a little convincing, but I eventually broke down and told him I was having suicidal ideation and that I needed to get the fuck out of dodge or I might do something drastic. I specified that I would be completely fine once I got out of the oppressive heat and humidity, just that I had to go home ASAP. I did ask him not to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry, which I realize now was unkind. I should have at least told a counselor so that he wasn't alone.

Anyway, he immediately started having full-fledged PTSD flashbacks. I couldn't tell at first, but then I realized what was going on and tried to comfort him. It didn't work. The counselor that came check on us just kicked me out. I went back inside feeling guilty, but I was hoping that I reassured him enough that he would be ok.

He acted normal for the rest of the time I was there (we even kissed! That was my first kiss) and made me promise to text him when I got home. Naturally, I did, reassuring him and telling him I was feeling infinitely better now that I had air conditioning and my phone. When he got home from camp a week later, he seemed a little freaked out but seemed to be mollified by my texts.

However, a couple days after that, he texted me out of nowhere, saying that I shouldn't have told him about what I was going home about because I gave him constant PTSD flashbacks for the rest of camp. He felt sick with worry the whole time. I felt like shit, obviously, so I responded with profuse apologies. He seemed to accept them but still feel a little resentful.

I still feel really fucking bad about it. I actually haven't told anyone I know IRL about. Well. Pretty much anything bothering me since. I know that's a bit of an overreaction, but I don't want to do that to anyone else.

So, am I the asshole?

(By the way, if you were there or know me, I would love it if you could just ignore this. Please and thank you. And also never make me know you read this cause that would be embarrassing as fuck lol)

[regrettablewritings]

Hi!😁 I'll give you another ship with my dear Lucifer morningstar from Lucifer cuz as it turns out I'm a hoe for a lot of characters but what can ya do? Thank you!

Aw hell yii, somebody's talkin' my lingo! 😎

Who the fuck put the Peeps in the microwave?: Lucifer. And no, it's not because he actually likes them or is curious about what would happen; he's seen plenty of Youtube videos enough to know exactly what happens. No . . . It's far more malicious . . . Generally speaking, you don't like the constant comparison of cats to the devil. But after getting to actually meet The Devil, you think that those believers might be on to something. Lucifer's whorey ways bleeds into his need for attention like red bleeds into white in the wash, and he's completely shameless about it. For example, if he feels like you may be focusing too much on work or, gasp, other people besides him, you run the risk of encountering a very . . . mischievous Luci. Not that he's not already a prankster, but he somehow becomes a bit more childish. Catlike in some respects. He puts your mugs up higher than what you can normally reach without having to climb on the countertop. He joins you at your kitchen table while you're reading over files for work and puts on his most angelic face, insisting he just wants to keep you company and will be as quiet as vermin in Dear Old Dad's house . . . then proceed to obnoxiously click a pen while pretending to solve a word problem, or eat cheese puffs obnoxiously loud. And then . . . the Peeps: The absolute prettyboy bastard used your microwave as a casualty of war, plopping the unplated, mutant-colored marshmallows directly on the glass and letting them go. To be fair, it technically didn't ruin anything. But at least he had your attention now -- because after fussing at him for making a mess, you were currently supervising him scrubbing not only the effected areas of the glass dish, but the rest of the microwave as well. Unfortunately, you can't say a lesson was really learned because now Luci knows that if he wants to get a rise out of you, what he needs is a bunch of candies from the bargain bin.

Who forgot to put the cat out before sex?: It's not that either of you forgot the cat was there -- it was that Lucifer wanted the bloody animal to give the both of you some privacy. And because Lucifer forgot the cat was there. He was simply too busy embracing you in a liplock and laying you down on the couch to notice the glaring eyes of the cat you had rescued from the shelter. Thankfully, you two didn't get very far before the lovingly-named Lucipurr released a meow, indicating that he had become flesh and bone in the few hours it had been since you'd last fed him. Suffice to say, after a startled Lucifer flung himself off of you and onto the floor, nearly breaking his ass on the coffee table (and the laughing fit that had induced on your end), the mood was killed. For the next fifteen minutes, that is. The next time he tried anything, Lucifer made sure that his efforts would be continued in the bedroom (but not before he did a complete check of every nook and cranny in there to make sure the furry bastard wasn't trying anything).

Who posts Vines/TikToks of the other doing embarrassing shit?: Lucifer absolutely lacks boundaries. The moment he discovered smartphones, social media, and all their potential, he was all in and recording as many videos of friends and coworkers as he could in as many awkward or unideal situations as they came. You felt bad for Dan being his constant target, but you were somewhat sure that Dan felt bad for you in a way: After all, you were dating the freaking guy and yet Lucifer had few qualms about posting a video of you, drunkenly singing karaoke in what was supposed to be a private room? Harsh.

Who breaks the most phones?: Lucifer does. He's not necessarily careless, but his part-time occupation does lead him to circumstances that tend to put his phone in danger. You, Chloe, Dan, literally everyone has told him to just leave his phone in the car if he's going to get it broken that often while on the job, but the dumbass never learns. Not that he really seems to care all that much: With his wealth, he can always buy a new one. Though, the only times he gets frustrated is when photos or videos don't quite make it to the transfer and things get lost along the way. Funny photos, suggestive videos, photos and videos of you . . . Photos and videos of you being funny or suggestive . . . Downright pornographic videos he had recorded of you -- Though don't worry: He's sure you'll be more than happy to help recreate the latter. He'd gladly help you . . .

Who dies first?: It should go without saying. It really should. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. Lucifer was always one to get caught up in his indulgences, after all: Somewhere along the way, he must've gotten too swept up in the thrill, the feeling of adoration. He tells himself this but it's really just denial. Closer to the truth is that it all really was just denial: He denied the idea that you would ever leave him, that you would ever die. Luci was never good with his own thoughts and feelings, but the way you made him feel was nearly enough to convince him that, in some way, you would just plain live forever. But of course, this was not the case: It didn't matter that you were fantastical enough to love and be loved by the Devil; you were still very much a human. Very much mortal. So susceptible to things like time and illness and injury. Lucifer was the King of Indulgences. It was extremely rare for him to experience regret. But when your time inevitably ran out, remorse filled him like smoke filled his lungs with every cigarette he ran through from the moment your funeral arrangements were decided. He could never regret knowing you, as much as part of him thought doing so would spare him this pain. He tried to think of how much better he might've been had he never met you, and it always felt like he was stuck in his own personal Hell Loop with everything going wrong over and over no matter how hard he tried to change it. He regretted that for as much time as he lived up with you, he felt like he didn't use nearly enough of that time to just . . . enjoy you. You in your mortality, your fleeting beauty and love that would nonetheless haunt him for however long he might go on for. So maybe . . . for eternity? This didn't feel like his own personal Hell Loop: This was his own personal Hell Loop. And until he learned to forgive himself, it would never end. So he'd be stuck here for maybe . . . eternity.

Which one I could see as being lactose intolerant: Neither. Unless they get brought down to mortal enough, Celestials generally don't suffer ailments, let alone from things like food allergies.

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can't?: Lucifer . . . It's not that he's not smart. But by Dad, he is lacking in so much self-awareness that it can be maddening. He thinks he's pretty good at following Dr. Linda's advice (and, to an extent, he's progressing). But the fact of the matter is, he's incredibly troubling at best. Not nearly as bad as some patients, mind you, but when Linda admitted to you that one or two sessions of Lucifer completely misinterpreting her advice nearly drove her to consider adding a secret bar into her desk, you believed her and didn't blame her for one bit.

Who is more likely to get kicked out of bed?: Lucifer is a changed devil. But it's a very slow change. You're more than happy to understand and accept this, but that doesn't mean you have to let him and his issues walk all over you. Sometimes, the big dummy just says or does things without thinking -- or because he thought too hard and thought this was the best decision to avoid further strife. And you try to be patient with him about these tendencies, you really do. But that doesn’t erase your ability to be upset by these habits, or your right to be. And no amount of him buttering you up is going to be acceptable, even when he comes by your place, armed with a dish he so thoughtfully prepared for you. Nope, he can literally go to Hell with that (really, you’re sure the demons there would appreciate a nice beef wellington); you just need some space. Ironically, this may create a cycle wherein his need to make you happy again and have your attention on him drives him to constantly hover around you and attempt to win you over, which in turn just further frustrates you. It’ll likely keep going until you either snap or a loved one pulls Luci to the side and gives him a heads up that maybe he should respect your boundaries. After all, intention isn’t the problem here: It’s the actions taken. And as much as it hurts him knowing that he accidentally hurt you, he has to respect your need for time to cool off. He forces himself to go back to his place and tries to think less about how he feels and more about how you might feel, and try to work out ways to avoid similar incidents in the future. And even though the conclusions he comes to may not be perfect, you at least respect the effort -- particularly when he next sees you, no longer armed with snacks from your favorite bakery or bouquet-carrying teddy bears. Instead, all he has is an apology. It’s sheepish, and it feels foreign to someone who rarely experiences shame or regret, but you know his whole heart is in it even if he himself doesn’t understand entirely why that is. Which is good because that’s just part one of the process; part two involves him warming up that spot in your bed that’s reserved for him!

Who uses the computer the most?: You, absolutely. Lucifer's adorably but altogether completely crap when it comes to technology. Besides, he can easily find other things with which to amuse himself, and doing the paperwork is for other people anyway.

Thank you sooooo much for participating again!!! It really means a lot!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[capricores]

FOURTH HOUSE: childhood observations (by mode)

* i focused more on the rougher manifestations of these placements in this post! i will make a positive manifestations version of these placements soon. also note your whole chart will influence this, and especially the individual sign of your fourth house (and planets located in the fourth), i am just grouping by mode for ease. also this is entirely based off my own research, interpretations, experiences, etc.

✨ mutable (pisces, gemini, sagittarius, virgo) fourth houses often experience childhoods in which one or both parents (or guardians) were absent. it may not be physically, it’s also often having emotionally detached and/or distant parents/guardians. mutable fourth houses usually had childhoods in which they had to learn to care for themselves and be independent at young ages; which is why as adults they generally have no problem living on their own, caring for themselves, making their own home & adjusting to change wherever they go (especially true if they also have a mutable moon and/or venus). unfortunately they also often struggle with emotional processing and expression in adulthood due to the emotional or physical unavailability of their family. it often even manifests as an attraction to toxic partners/friends who provide nothing emotionally/only drain them.

they are also likely to experience childhoods that involved a lot of moving around (cities or countries, schools, etc), which is why many mutable fourth house individuals feel as if they don’t truly have a “home”, and feel comfortable moving around freely in adulthood, and don’t have an immense need to stay stagnant in one physical place for too long (this will apply more to sagittarius and pisces). however this can also manifest in a more stressful way, feeling as if they “lost’ their childhood, or have no home nor stable place to go to when they are overwhelmed and in need of comfort. they must spend a lot of time and effort learning where they can find comfort, and how to build their own safe spaces.

the child’s intelligence was likely placed on the forefront during childhood, especially if the individual has gemini/virgo in the fourth. college/university may have been especially pressured for sagittarius fourth house individuals. you may have had a childhood in which you were encouraged to share your thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc freely and were praised for such. but on the other hand, you may have been forced down a certain path (school-wise), and had far too much stress put on you throughout childhood regarding your grades and perceived intelligence.

mutable fourth houses tend to come from “odd” situations; and usually quite unstable home environments. i’ve personally noticed mutable fourth houses are the least likely to want to talk about their past, family, childhood; because they’re sometimes ashamed of the “strangeness” of their past and the uncontrollable things that occurred in their childhood, because of their parents/family/etc.

✨ cardinal (libra, cancer, capricorn, aries) fourth houses tend to have parents/families that were over-involved in their lives; often controlling. i find that they likely had parents that put ridiculous amounts of pressure and responsibility on them from a young age. these placements didn’t get much time to be an actual child, as it’s likely they weren’t shielded from the harshness and rough realities of the world/others like they should have been. due to this, cardinal fourth house individuals tend to know exactly what they want for themselves in the future; specifically in terms of their home life, and future relationships; they usually end up developing unmatchable work ethic and boundaries as adults. however, they have to learn to embrace, accept and express their inner child; otherwise they will drown themselves in stress.

capricorn and aries fourth houses specifically were likely to experience a lot of strictness/control, and an authoritarian, sometimes aggressive, nature in their homes. they may have felt a lot of tension in their home growing up, and as if their parents/guardians were pushing them too hard in everything they did; trying to piece together their lives for them and leaving them with no say. their may have even been a lot of fighting between family members in their homes, or passive aggression, if this placement manifests harshly. this is why they tend to grow up fiercely individual and with a refusal to let anyone ever tell them what to do. they can easily hold their own regardless of the situations they’re placed in as adults.

cancer and libra fourth houses i’ve noticed had perfectionism and high standards placed extremely hard on them from a young age, especially from mother figures. although i find them the most likely of all the fourth house signs to be “babied” throughout childhood, i’ve also noticed this babying being turned into too much focus on this child. to the point where the child has so many expectations, high standards, etc., to meet due to the unrealistic projections and pressures from their parents. cancer and libra fourth houses often experience their parents trying to force certain futures onto them, that they themselves weren’t able to achieve/fulfill. in certain manifestations, this fourth house placement actually makes it so the cancer/libra fourth house individual has to be the parent to their own parents/siblings/etc. they may be overly forgiving, nurturing, and giving to their family (this will be heightened if venus or neptune are in the fourth as well).

cardinal fourth houses likely had a very perfectionist home environment and childhood, as i mentioned, and may have even been heavily pressured about their appearance, and how they come off to the public and represent their family. “image” was of huge importance throughout their past, and may have led to them being insecure adults or adults who are far too hard on themselves. it’s possible their parents had a picture perfect home/seemingly very peaceful home to the public/outsiders, that was actually a disaster/toxic environment behind the scenes. negative cardinal home environments can also leave individuals scared to initiate things and act on their own/without a push, despite this initiation being in their nature; since they were so used to being pushed by family members in various directions.

✨ fixed (leo, scorpio, taurus, aquarius) fourth houses can have their childhoods/pasts summed up in one word: intense. in true fixed fashion, their home environments were likely very strong: whether that strong is a good or bad word, depends on the manifestation of the placement. fixed signs, much like cardinals, likely experienced very controlling and sometimes aggressive (more likely for scorpio/leo) environments in the home. regardless of the sign, the parents/guardians were likely very stubborn, pushy and may have not allowed the child to have their own independent thoughts, goals, desires, ideas, etc. due to this, fourth house in a fixed sign individuals usually grow up to have very unshakable goals and opinions, and are able to hold their own in very serious and tough situations (such as loss, heartbreak, confrontation, etc). these individuals also sometimes must provide financially for themselves (and even their family) at a young age, because their family is unable to do so for them. it’s common for these fourth houses to get jobs at younger ages than most people around them generally would. i’ve also found those with fixed fourth houses (esp taurus/scorpio) had family members who tried to control and manipulate them via money/material items/finances; OR who tried to manipulate money out of them.

scorpio and aquarius fourth house placements specifically go through a lot of change and transformation during their childhood. they tend to experience immensely unstable home environments; due to the influence of uranus and pluto. it’s likely something major and traumatic may have even happened during childhood, that essentially changed their life forever (of course depending on other placements and just, life in general). they may have been the types to move around a lot during childhood, or have a lot of sudden swings in their life. the swings may have been smaller things, such as their parents/guardians being very moody, changing jobs a lot, etc; or larger things, such as famliy members losing jobs/income, sudden death, divorce of parents, etc. scorpio and aquarius fourth house individuals tend to, like mutable placements, end up “raising themselves” and/or feeling very alone and detached as a child; and as an adult (they really have to work on “building their own family” via friendships/etc).

similar to libra and cancer mentioned above, leo and taurus fourth house placements are likely raised with intense ideals and expectations from their parents; and are driven to a constant state of achieving unattainable perfection. this can result in becoming adults with huge insecurities that are far too hard on themselves. their home life throughout childhood is usually quite abundant (this abundance isn’t always good, however), or they have parents/family members with very material/money-focused mindsets. they may have frequently experienced their parents putting their careers, image, belongings, etc., before their own child(ren), leaving them feeling quite abandoned or unloved. this is why these individuals often go on to seek validation/love from others in the future for their self-esteem, especially if they have strong leo personal placements. leo and taurus fourth houses likely had huge pressure from their family to make something significant out of themselves. not necessarily a pressure to just do well in school, but to do something huge; such as become famous/widely-known, obtain scholarships/the highest grades, get a super “distinguished” or high-paying job, etc. 

[seesgood]

can we very gently talk about call out posts / culture really quick?  not in a judgmental way, but in like a: i just want to pose a thought and explain why i’m never going to buy into it and why i wish it would become less of a trend instead of more of one? and i’ll add the  disclaimer  here: i totally get not wanting certain people around you for various reasons, that is all your prerogative. that’s your comfort level. but in emphasizing “your blog should be a safe space” we’re kind’ve losing sight of the fact that the rpc should also be a safe space, and as much as your comfort and safety matter, so do other people’s. and not just the person who hurt you, but the third parties and other mutuals and 99.9% of people who are not at all involved in any way in whatever happened. so, anyway here goes, read it or don’t, we all have different opinions or reasons, i just want to be heard:

people are allowed to change.  think back to who you were last year. two years ago. think about the stuff you said when you were seventeen, or twenty-one, or hell whatever age you were. current-you would probably cringe at the kind of stuff past-you had to say. because you grew. you learned. you had life experiences. in hindsight you have the freedom to be like “oof yeah that was not the best version of myself right there damn i don’t want to be like that again.” the growing trend of ‘here’s a 10+ page google doc complete with out of context screenshots that sometimes date back to like 2017 or earlier’ makes this kind of change impossible. because right there, you’ve just frozen a person in time, probably not at their best, removed any and all amounts of context, and put it on the internet and let other people judge it for themselves. 

so that leads into another point that i want to just kinda present to the community at large: the act of documenting behaviors and storing them for months / years at a time, in itself creates a super unsafe environment, not just for you, your friends, the people who have hurt you --- but also for anyone else that isn’t at all involved in whatever happened. like, for example, i like to think that i’m a pretty nice person. i actively try to be a nice person. am i sometimes not having the best day? have people definitely caught me in bad moments? oh hell yeah. but am i, as someone who tries really hard to be nice and welcoming, constantly thinking through every message i send to someone knowing that a) i could have a reputation that makes them read into context that isn’t there and that could contribute to them misinterpreting words i meant in a different way, b) very aware that every post i make, ask i send, message i send can at any moment be screenshotted and posted and taken out of context and either serve as someone’s only opinion of me or pile on to someone’s existing opinion of me? yeah. so in my experience, and based on people i’ve talked to, we now have this thing where you can be surface-friends wtih a lot of people, but if you want to survive in the tumblr rpc you should really only have 2-3 people that you really trust that you can actually talk about shit with. 

and lately i’ve been seeing a resurgence of posts on my dash about like “bring back xyz in the rpc” or “the reason the rpc is like this is because of xyz” and i both agree and disagree with a lot of this, but primarily i think the reason the rpc is Off lately is because everyone and their cousin has a DNI, which is --- again --- your decision and i understand and respect that, but while you know the context of every name on that DNI, other people don’t. and to be honest: other people don’t really care and honestly maybe they shouldn’t care. --- and don’t get me wrong, your friends should care if someone has hurt you. that’s important. but joe billy bob who just wants to write their character with yours is going to read through your rules, they’re going to see “do not interact with me if you follow with or interact with these people you’ve never heard of and if you want me to tell you why just message me” (which no one is ever going to do, i’m sorry to say). and say, joe billy bob also followed that other person because they were like ‘omg this blog looks cool’ --- now joe billy bob, who just wants to write cool plots, is suddenly the middle-man in some type of drama that they do not understand, and maybe they’re able to remove themselves from the situation, but even then it’s still in the back of your mind. 

this is getting long. it’ll be longer, but let’s take a brief break for me to remind you that in some cases, it’s definitely good to give your mutuals and friends a heads up when someone has done something really, really bad. like, remember x amount of years ago when some dude was like ‘i’m gonna make up a new person and say they died by suicide as a social experiment’ or ‘hey this person actively tries to force very triggering plots about abuse / rape / incest onto people and has been doing so for years and does not seem to change their ways no matter how many people try to educate them’ that’s shit people should probably know about. and it’s also okay ( in my opinion ) for your friends to be able to message you like ‘hey i saw you’re writing with x and i just wanted to let you know i had this experience with them’ if that’s something they feel comfortable doing. and if they are comfortable with you still having the autonomy to make your own decision regarding the person. 

i’ll be honest, for a second: i’ve been part of friendships and groups that have turned really toxic for one reason or another. a handful of times. there are probably people out there that are like “yeah this chick is really fake and manipulative and etc, i was friends with her back in 2019″ which, okay. yeah. i’ve definitely done shit and said shit that was not the most representative of who i want to be and who i want to become, and you probably have to. because we are human beings and we are a product of our social groups and the community around us. and you shouldn’t be chained to a version of you that isn’t you anymore. people change. they grow. you don’t have to like them, but you should respect that sometimes people don’t mesh, and that doesn’t mean any of them are bad people, it just means the experience was bad. 

a few additional notes i would like to make but i’ve already gone on way too long:

90% of the callout posts that i’ve seen and the DNI’s that i’ve seen can, in my opinion, be classified as a friend group thing. you were friends with x, x did something, now y and z aren’t friends with x anymore. pain is a very, very real thing and people hurting you should never be minimized, but at some point i just want you to remember that not every friendship is going to end happily, but both you and the other party should be allowed to move on and grow better, healthier friendships after. rehashing Friend Group Gone Wrong instances removes that ability for not only person x, but also person y and z.

you putting out a callout says just as much ( maybe more ) about you than it does about the other person. which sucks. because i’d like to think we all have great intentions, and i’m not saying that you should swallow your pain, but it might not be the kind of thing that impacts the community at large, and maybe you should try to find a better way of working through it with a trusted friend(s)

i’m going to be very real and very blunt on this one: literally no one cares. i say that with love. i’m good friends with people who have each other on their DNI’s. establish a baseline of respect and ‘i’m not going to say anything to them about you and vice versa because there’s no need for me to do so’ and move on. but seriously. no one cares. most outside people read callout posts because they like being in the know about the drama, not because they actually care. 

person a and person b who are mentioned in the DNI / callout aren’t the only ones who are going to be affected. your friends, your mutuals, your writing partners are now all put in a weird spot where you have to pick sides on an issue you know nothing about and shouldn’t have to know anything about. you’re asking people to choose sides on an issue they cannot fully understand, and that’s not fair to them or to you. and it drives great people away. and then we all lose out on having more awesome people in the rpc.

you’re entitled to your safe space, but this is a public platform and you are also responsible for maintaining your safe space. you shouldn’t put it entirely on other people to do that for you. you can block, blacklist, make up funny names for, or spitefully erase from your many anything and anyone that you wish. but you shouldn’t make your friends do it for you.

there’s always an inherent power imbalance when any kind of drama occurs between those who have more followers / friends / connections and those who do not. and the smaller blog is always going to suffer a little bit more because they don’t have people blindly coming to their defense. 

bad moments, bad experiences, bad decisions DO NOT equal bad people. 

allow people to make up their own mind about something or someone

anywho, if you read through this whole thing i think i owe you financial compensation. but also thank you for reading / listening / considering. even if you rolled your eyes through the whole thing like “stfu lia” that’s fine. i’m just presenting an alternative thought. i’d like to once again state: i’m not judging you if you’ve made a callout/DNI or if you’re on a callout/DNI. like i literally don’t care. and frankly, in my opinion, i shouldn’t have to. because i, and you, and your friends, and your mutuals, and your non-mutuals should be allowed the space to make up their own opinion and mind on something or someone without being told that there will be consequences if they don’t agree with you. set boundaries. communicate in healthy ways. you don’t have to forgive the people who have hurt or wronged you, but you also don’t get to decide that their actions make up 100% of who they are as a person, or decide that that is the only side of that person people should get to see. 

[adickaboutspoons]

Hey - you're not clogging up anything, lovely! You're engaging a conversation, which I LOVE! Thank you!

That said, and I say this with all the love in the world, I respectfully disagree with almost all of this. 🤣 I think you're right that Stede prolly wouldn't have been inclined to say anything to Ed if he hadn't already been pushed to the limit by Jack's toilet tête-à-tête, however, I STRONGLY disagree that he's taking out his frustrations with Jack on Ed. Because Jack isn't the only one that he's frustrated with.

When Stede comes out of the trees, he's clearly ruffled, but then when Ed tells him about the impending coconut-flavored jackassery, Stede doesn't unload on him. Instead, he (relatively calmly, considering his distressed mental state) tries to remove himself from the situation. It isn't until Ed tries to pressure him into staying that he cracks. And when he does, Stede tells Ed about the things that ED did that were upsetting to him. He is NOT "unfairly projecting his hurt feelings on to Ed." He doesn't blame Ed for JACK'S behavior. He blames Ed for behaving a certain way under Jack's influence that was contrary to what Stede had observed of his behavior in the month leading up to this moment. It's not JUST animal cruelty - it's forcing animals to fight to the DEATH (and then also executing the "winner"). It's not JUST drinking - Ed and Stede drink together all the time - it's drinking until you make yourself sick (and then, since we see more drinking happening when back on the ship after the convo, CONTINUING to drink even after). It's not JUST roughhousing, it's "chucking coconuts at each other's heads", (which calls to mind the fallacious statistics about how you are more likely to be killed by a coconut falling on your head than by shark attack). What Stede is objecting to is a pattern of objectively harmful, potentially lethal, behavior against people that he cares about. Stede is RIGHT to hold Ed accountable for his participation in and endorsement of Jack's jackassery.

The thing is Stede IS talking about the things that are bothering him - it's just that there's A LOT that's bothering him at that moment, and he's not talking about ALL the things that are bothering him. But that's not necessarily a BAD thing. Ed is not responsible for Jack's actions; if Stede HAD unloaded on Ed about Jack, that would have been really unfair of him.

As for his grievances with Jack, that's a messy tangle. Obvs taking it up with Jack would do nothing; like you so rightly pointed out, upsetting, alienating, and isolating Stede was a feature of Jack's behavior, not a bug. But what if he HAD brought it up with Ed? Maybe Ed would have felt like he needed to confront Jack about it, making what - to everyone EXCEPT Stede - had been a fun day into an awkward downer, and it's all Stede's fault! Maybe it would have put Ed in a position where he felt like he needed to chose between association with a long-time friend and a brand new co-captain (and even if he felt like there was even a chance of coming out on top in that exchange, there's no way Stede would ever demand that of Ed). Or maybe, given how the "Store bought pirate" exchange fell out, Ed wouldn't take Jack's side, or tried to minimize or defend what Jack said/did, which would have compounded Stede's emotional distress. There's really no way of knowing, but none of the likely options I can imagine are great. So, yeah - letting Jack's jackassery slide and removing himself from the situation was prolly his best bet.

I'd like to address something else you brought up. Specifically: "But then the unexpected happens: Ed forgives him. He comes back." I'm going to assume that what you're proposing Ed is "forgiving" him for is the clumsy way in which he stated his grievance - not the fact that he drew boundaries for himself i the first place, even if those boundaries made Ed feel bad about himself. While I will agree that what Stede said was blunt and that there was room within it for misinterpretation, I would also argue that Ed interpreting Stede's words to mean "I don't like who you are, FULL STOP" is more of a reflection of Ed's underlying sense of worthlesness, and Jack's manipulations (specifically designed to prey upon both Stede and Ed's insecurities and to foment division between them) than actual fault on Stede's part. In fact, supposing that to be the meaning of Stede's words requires Ed to ingore COPIOUS evidence, both overt and subtle, to the contrary. Stede has revered Ed's sophistication and elegance ("You wear fine things well"), praised his piratical acumen ("Note the gusto!"), celebrated his cunning and creativity ("It's the theater of fear!"), and idolized his every word ("Did I do it right? He missed all the important bits"). Within the previous 14 days at MOST, he has moved past Ed's confession that he intended to KILL Stede with barely a batted eye, expressly and explicitly confirmed that he was Ed's friend (even KNOWING that Ed planned on killing him), went out of his way and to great personal expence to organize an "extremely fun, memorable, deeply cool adventure" (because that bizarre little man over there likes you very much), and agreed to link his life with Ed's for the foreseeable future (if you found the two absolutely perfect people, they could potentially... co-captain). To overlook ALL of that in the light of a single poorly phrased and flustered comment? Especially when Stede didn't even ask Ed to STOP doing what he was doing - just to let Stede excuse himself from being around when it happened? Frankly, I don't think Stede has anything to apologize for, and the idea that Ed has to FORGIVE him is a bit insulting to Stede (Stede would 100% disagree, the lamb).

Fuck me, I have more to say about this moment:

And it's gonna get ugly, folks, so buckle in. As important as it is to understand this scene as a moment of Character Growth for Stede? It's also key to understanding Why Shit Went Down the way it did during the negotiation of the escape plan in Act of Grace. So Stede stands up for himself and draws some boundaries. Good for him! Love to see it. And how does Ed respond to "I don't like who you are around this guy?"

And what does he say when he chooses to leave with Jack?

It's a through-line. In this moment, Ed is calling back to the conversation on the beach. I don't think he is being intentionally cruel - to him, what he's saying is more of a reflection of his struggles with feelings of worthlessness - but how can Stede help but make the association; the ONE TIME he draws boundaries with Ed, Ed leaves. Not only does Ed choose to go, rather than stay and respect Stede's boundaries (which, I would argue are completely reasonable here; Don't wantonly kill innocent animals), he is aligning himself with the man that has spent the entire day tormenting Stede ("This" - Jack killing Karl - "is who I am"). Again, I'm not saying that he's being intentionally cruel; I don't think he fully understands how awful Jack has been to Stede. But, surely you can see how, from Stede's perspective, this is absolutely DEVASTATING - much more than JUST the heartbreak of the man that you had so recently made tentative plans to join your life with ("Co-Captains!") breaking up with you. But breaking up with you AND CHOOSING ONE OF THE WORST PEOPLE YOU KNOW OVER YOU.

So now we come to the Act of Grace and the scene on the beach:

No, AFTER that.

Ed proposes a plan to run away together. And Stede... doesn't say yes. In fact, his first instinct is to push back, THREE TIMES.

"But you said there was no escape."

"What about the English? They'll be all over us."

"China? That's quite far away."

Every time Ed dismisses his concerns - comes up with a reason to make the plan A Thing. Ed is clearly not going to take "no" for an answer.

And what happened the last time Stede told him no?

Ed left.

Ed broke his heart.

Ed sided with the kind of person that validates Stede's every insecurity about not being enough.

So is it any wonder that Stede gives in? And not even with enthusiastic consent. With the most tepid positive-leaning neutral responses possible.

"Yeah."

"I think so."

"Mm-hm."

(Which is to say nothing about his body language - the incredulous-bordering-on-disgusted face he makes when he talks about China, his lips pressed together when he says "Mm-hm", the way he starts the conversation leaning in toward Ed, his body twisted toward him, but quickly shifts so his body is angled straight ahead with his head awkwardly twisted to the side to look at Ed)

The seeds of tragedy were planted when Ed left Stede. Because, by doing so, he accidentally reinforced a lifetime of Stede being taught that his wants and needs are secondary to those of others, and that acceptance is conditional on compliance.

[astrolovecosmos]

The Signs and Boundaries

Aries typically doesn't have issues with people breaking their boundaries, but if they do, one tip to rebuild those fences is by protecting the self through privacy, be more mindful of who you tell secrets to or share your intentions with. Aries don't have a problem saying no but through their openness and trusting nature can their boundaries be unhealthily crossed. Growing a skeptical and realistic side may be beneficial next time they jump to help someone or have the desire to please another without considering their needs.

Taurus can easily be pressured into pleasing others or keeping the peace. They are a sign that highly desires stability and contentment. But they need to remember to use that stubborn side to say no more often, to stay on the path of what makes them happy. Overcoming fear of instability or losing someone is important for a Taurus building up boundaries. Accepting change is the constant can be helpful, letting go of control or expectations in relationships is empowering.

Gemini’s talent for talking their way out of trouble can actually be a good defense for those trying to break through their boundaries. Their natural desire for space and independence can also help with those trying to control them, guilt trip them, take advantage, or impose. But Gemini is a social, forgiving, supportive, and flexible sign that can have a huge desire to befriend others, gather information, learn, and fit in. A tip for healthier boundaries is a practice in assertion and giving solid stances. Of course a Gemini's opinions may change, they can be change and duality itself, but it is about being firm in what they are saying and feeling in the moment.

You would think Cancer's guarded nature would help them build strong and healthy boundaries, but this sign is giving and sacrificing, having a desire to take care of others. Discernment is needed when dealing with those who would take advantage. But there is a line Cancer must learn to balance between protecting their own heart and becoming closed off due to fear or bias. A Cancer must be careful of not becoming all or nothing when it comes to building up boundaries, are those healthy boundaries or stone cold walls?

Leo does have a huge desire to entertain and please! Their generous and trusting side could get used and abused. You'll hear a lot of themes about self-empowerment via confidence and self-expression with a Leo, and these themes can help with setting boundaries. For Leo there is an importance in possible detachment from expectations, admiration, and possibly ego. They may seek "applause" either tangibly or metaphorically and there's protection in valuing what is authentic and intimate by separating public vs. private, want vs. need.

Virgo despite any hard or overly practical reputation can certainly struggle with keeping healthy boundaries. With a desire to serve and care combined with a flexible, humble, and appreciative personality you can imagine how easily they feel imposed upon or used. Sometimes a Virgo needs to learn how to say no or to refuse to get involved - especially when no one asks them to. Other times Virgo must not rationalize their way out of a situation because despite the logical impulse to do so, it could generate guilt in the future, maybe instead value protecting one's self, value not getting burnt out or drained, approach a situation mentally in this way instead of giving a purely logical reason not to help someone or be used by someone. 

Libra - the famous people pleaser. For Libra the goal is to say "no" and overcome fear of conflict, but the work up to that takes inner honesty, understanding what they want, and to be real - practice. Practice makes perfect and Libra is a sign that could use some practice in asserting themselves and setting stronger boundaries. Libra's relationship with independence and dependence can be a topic to discuss when it comes to boundaries. Is there a fear of being alone or just a desire to partner with another? Is it about status, competition, or companionship? There are no wrong answers, just self-reflection and honesty for Libra. Taking care of the self, learning to love being alone with the self is important, fostering independence can be so empowering when it comes to building stronger boundaries for Libra, after all being an air sign - independence and space may be something they fall in love with.

Scorpio’s boundaries can easily be crossed, and they may cross other's boundaries frequently too. Their desire for rawness and intimacy + water's compassion, reception, sacrificing nature, and caring makes them susceptible to burn out, over extending, being used or abused due to unhealthy or non-existing boundaries. For Scorpio accepting that they cannot control people is helpful along with understanding you may get hurt but that is the nature of love and trust. Objectivity or being able to put themselves into other people's shoes can be helpful. Scorpio’s black and white take on the world can cause misunderstandings and disappointment. Sometimes it just takes a lesson learned via experience that not everyone has good intentions for better boundaries, but they need to be careful of being paranoid or distrustful to the extreme. 

Sagittarius ain't one to let you hold them back, most burn out is due to themselves and they are self-focused, they won't get caught up on other's guilt trips or manipulation BUT they can be overly open, naïve, and have high hopes which shows where their boundaries can be broken. Coming down to earth with skepticism or realism and understanding not everyone is as honest or good-natured as Sagittarius is one step towards better boundaries. It is Sagittarius’s  high expectations that is the hardest to overcome. This is the sign of hope, belief, and optimism, and I don't think it is right or fair to say they have to curb this completely but learning when to let go of an impression or belief of something/someone is important. 

Capricorn is usually a sign that does not struggle with loose boundaries, but a desire to conform, provide, protect, be part of/give back to society, or to prove something may give a window of opportunity for boundaries being crossed and them feeling used, underappreciated, or burned out. It is Capricorn’s own guilt, self-criticism, and pressure they must be careful of. You bet there are people out there who will take advantage of how a Capricorn beats themselves up. Capricorn must know their worth, rely on their stability, and accept love or help from others when it is offered. 

Despite Aquarius's detachment and aloofness they can be a sucker sometimes for peer pressure and at times their humanitarian trait can be taken advantage of. Aquarius is independent, is the rebel, but their desire to belong to a group, to fight for a cause, to connect socially, to connect mentally can all lead to being easily influenced by a group of people, by trends, by the collective. Aquarius’s  celebration of individually and separation is one way to help overcome this, another is through intimacy with another. One super supportive friend or adoring lover could give them better insight into why the "few" can be more powerful at times than "the many". Living by the code, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" may be something an Aquarius who struggles with boundaries may want to pick up. Learning to help those who want to help themselves.

Pisces, the queen/king of dissolved boundaries. First there is an upside to crossing boundaries but that is for a whole different convo, in this piece we are talking about unhealthy lack of boundaries. Pisces desire to merge, help, care, and sacrifice creates this atmosphere. Before Pisces can say no and concentrate on protecting the self they need to recognize the downside of crossed boundaries. It comes so naturally, even recognizing a lack of boundaries can be a challenge. There must be awareness about how nonexistent or thin boundaries can cause Pisces to be used or abused OR can even cause them to drain another or a relationship. It isn't always about asking what they want or need but protecting those things and going after those things.  For Pisces it's about not fearing being alone or being separate. It can be about fostering their individuality or general confidence. The merging of souls, feelings, individuality can be a beautiful thing, but so can being your own person.

[peachsayshi]

Chapter 7 - Games

Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

Tags: Friends with Benefits, Teasing and a little bit of Fluff.

Summary: Trying to make sure the two of you stay out of the bedroom, you suggest playing a game of Twister and Gojo's mind starts to wander.

A/N: Sorry if there are mistakes! I don't have a beta and get tired rereading the chapters over and over again. This is a little short but we have some fluff and feels and we get a little insight on how Gojo has been feeling. I'm building up to something, I promise!

- - -

“Okay, left foot on green…”

With his right foot remaining on the red circle, Gojo spread his legs wide to place his left foot on the green circle towards the end of the mat. Things were easing up on his end when it came to work and he decided to take advantage of that by spending his free time with you tonight. What he didn’t expect was for the two of you to be in the middle of your living room playing board games instead of the usual physical activity that you both have grown accustomed to partaking in.

“Is this really how you want to spend our evening together?” he asked, taking the spinner from your hand as he proceeded to flick the arrow with his thumb and index finger.

You nodded your head, “We need to keep ourselves out of the bedroom. Otherwise, we will never leave...”

Gojo rotated his neck from side to side before replying, stretching to prepare himself for the awkward positions he was about to hold, “you’re making it sound like that’s a bad thing.”

“Listen, game night is going to make up for movie night which never happened because we wound up doing it on your couch instead...”

A smug grin spread across Gojo’s face, thinking of your failed plan to have a scary movie marathon with him. You were hoping to catch the sorcerer squirm but what you didn’t expect was him teasing you thirty minutes into the film that inevitably resulted in you being fucked senseless on his couch.

“You’re really going to put the blame on me for that? If you were paying attention you wouldn’t have succumbed to my advances so easily,” he retorted defensively.

“You had your hand up my skirt!”

“Now, I told you what that skirt does to me,” he jokingly snapped, pointing his finger at you sternly before shrugging his shoulders. “I couldn’t help myself…”

“Okay, well how about the night we were supposed to go out for dinner but missed our reservation because you decided to rip up my dress on the car ride over…”

“Let’s not get too dramatic, I merely broke the zipper and I did buy you another dress.”

“Okay, how about last night?”

Gojo parted his lips, pausing to think how the two of you wound up naked in the shower instead of going to the karaoke bar with Rina and her friends.

“Last night... wasn't my fault,” he pointed out, arching his brow at you as he recalled the way you teased him into submission.

“Oh, yeah. That’s right…” you shyly replied, biting your bottom lip as you scratched the back of your head. “So, uh, what’s my next move?”

“Quick to change the subject, I see?” Gojo answered with an easy smile, “Put your left hand on the blue circle…”

With your feet on the green and yellow circles, you leaned your body forward to put your left hand on the blue sphere. Meanwhile, Gojo dropped the spinner on the ground beside you, suppressing a laugh as he watched you struggle to spin the arrow and call out his next round.

“The point here is...” you grumbled as you tried to adjust yourself back into a comfortable position, “...the two of us are getting carried away. I just think this little break might do us some good.”

“I don’t think working up a sweat is a bad thing,” Gojo insisted.

“Well, we can burn calories after I kick your butt,” you added on, waiting for the arrow to land. “Right hand on green...”

“For someone trying to make sure we keep our distance, you sure picked an interesting game tonight,” Gojo teased, finding his new posture which brought his face close to yours.

“I know for a fact that you can’t cheat playing Twister,” you reminded, before glancing up at him from under your lashes and inching forward to peck him on the tip of his nose. “Besides, I never said I wanted space, I just thought I’d change things up for the evening.”

Gojo’s smiled into your lips as he gave you a soft kiss in return, “if you think you can distract me by being cute, you are absolutely wrong .”

“We both know how much of a sore loser you can be,” you answered back, “I just hope you’re ready to throw yourself a pity party by the end of this because I am definitely winning.”

“Mhmm, whatever you say. Right hand, blue…” he continued, trying to pay attention to the game and observing you reach your arm slightly underneath him to place your hand on the circle.

He couldn’t explain when things became this comfortable with you. If he had known that hooking up with you would bring you both closer together as friends, he wouldn’t have rejected your offer that easily.

You’ve both already broken one of your rules. However, Gojo didn’t mind forgoing the “drinking” rule to decide whether or not the two of you wanted to hook up. You both no longer needed the excuse anyway, after a while it became painfully clear that regardless of what the plans were, things always resulted in the two of you tangled up in someone’s bed sheets.

The sorcerer spent a majority of his spare time alone, unaware of how much it bothered him until you came along. He thought about the way you described yourself when you were in a relationship with your ex-boyfriend, and wondered if this felt similar in any way. Not that he considered you as anything other than a friend...but he was curious .

You both were different in many ways but often clashed when it came to your perspectives on love. You believed that there was a person out there for everbody, that there was nothing like falling in love with somebody who looked at you as if you were their whole world.

Granted, those were your opinions when you were in a happy and loving relationship but Gojo always disagreed with you because he was convinced that relationships were messy and only brought unnecessary drama to the table. That’s why he had his own personal rule that was standard practice when it came to his “love” life.

He never hooked up with somebody more than once.

Rumors about his womanising ways only stemmed from the fact that he did actually have plenty of lovers. However, he could barely recall their faces and didn’t even remember their names. Sometimes they recognized him on the street, and foolishly attempted to strike up a conversation with the handsome, rich stranger who paid for their company.

Gojo would politely brush them off every time. His stone cold reaction broke the hearts of those who were lucky enough to even be in his presence. He surely didn’t need to pay for the escorts or call girls but the act itself was easier and he had the money to spend anyway. These acquaintances never asked him any questions about his personal life, which benefited him greatly because it left very little room for anything other than small talk. Once both parties were satisfied, Gojo would leave every encounter without ever looking back. Sex was a routine way for him to blow off steam or merely take care of his natural urges. However, you didn’t know that you were the first person who he consistently kept as company in the bedroom.  

Up until this moment, he had been suppressing his desire for you. Now that he has you, the sorcerer could tell he was getting greedy. He respected your wishes when you asked him not to see anyone else on the side but surprised himself when he realised that he had no interest in seeking out the strangers that used to keep him company at night.

Even though you both insisted that this new partnership had no influence on friendship, Gojo was observant enough to see that it was not the case. Little things were starting to change here and there, and he was carefully making note of it every time it happened.

For example, whenever he was off fighting curses, you started habitually checking up on him to make sure he was okay. One night when he was unable to answer his phone, he received a string of unusual text messages from you to find out what happened. He remembered calling you right after, teasing you to ask if you were worried about him. You surprised him with your fear, how you easily believed that something was powerful enough to harm him despite him repeatedly telling you that nothing could touch him. When you responded to his question with a sincere yes, an unexpected sensation spread across his chest. If he wasn’t paying attention to how much you cared about him before, he was more aware of it now.

To ease your worries, he made it a point to shoot you a text whenever he could just to let you know that he was alright. Although, he did sometimes forget which resulted in you panicking on the phone with him. Only this time, Gojo never made fun of your concerns.

In turn, he realised how fiercely protective he became of you and it killed him whenever he had to deflect your questions when you asked about his life. There was so much you wanted to know and so much that he wished he could tell you. However, he had every intention of maintaining this invisible boundary. The last thing he wants is for you to get caught up in something that you couldn’t understand. If he were to invite you into his whole world, that would only lead to you facing dangerous threats that loved to lurk in the shadows.

He would never forgive himself if something were to happen to you.

A few more rounds passed, and the two of you were intertwined in the most precarious situation. You were in a reverse tabletop position, looking like a crab with two hands and feet on the blue and yellow circles. Meanwhile, Gojo was in a plank position above you, his palms pressed on the red and green circle by your side, with one foot next to yours on a blue circle and another on a yellow circle.

You were shaking underneath him, desperately trying to maintain your awkward stance while Gojo appeared bored holding his own position with ease.

“Okay, I didn’t take your strength or height into consideration…” you groaned with a pout.

A chuckle escaped his lips, “give up, yet?”

“No…” you groaned, eyeing the spinner by your side as you reached for it with your right hand. You lifted your head slightly, your neck straining as you tried to call out the next move. “Left foot, green…”

Gojo picked up his leg but as he stretched himself out he realised that he couldn’t bend himself properly in that particular way.

Your eyes widened, watching him shake as he tried to rotate his body without lifting himself completely up off the mat.

“Or maybe your height is actually a disadvantage?” you questioned, ignoring the way your arms burned from holding yourself up as your heart raced with anticipation.

“Shhh, I’m concentrating...”

Gojo kicked his leg out one way and then the other, the comical image of his tall body in motion only made you laugh at his reaction. He tried his best to ignore the sound of your voice but knew that he could barely maintain his balance as he tried to find the green circle. However, he miscalculated the gravity of his own weight when he shifted to the left side of his body, his elbow buckling underneath and causing him to collapse.

“Yes!” you exclaimed, raising your arms up in victory, paying no attention to his body pressed on top of yours.

His face was buried in the crook of your neck, breathing in deep to inhale the scent of your soap. He felt your hand pat the back of his head lightly, indicating that you wanted him to get off from on top of you. He slowly unraveled himself, irritated by his own misfortune as he rolled onto his back to lay down beside you. He tilted his head to look at you, noticing you turn so you both were making direct eye contact with each other.

Gojo always knew you were beautiful. Nothing in this world could convince him otherwise but he never paid attention to the details of how pretty you actually were. Little things about you that made the gears in his head turn, from the gorgeous mane that sprouted on the top of your head, to the way your eyes sparkled whenever you were excited or how the curve of your lips was your secret tell to let him know exactly what you were feeling when you couldn’t find the words to explain yourself.

Why me? He thought to himself, if you wanted to fuck around with somebody then why did you ask me?  

A kiss on his lips snapped him out of his drawn out thoughts, he felt the pads of your fingers along his cheek, slipping lightly underneath his blindfold to reveal just one of those blue eyes.

“Ready for another round?” you questioned.

Gojo softly smiled, thankful that you haven’t grown bored of him just yet. He lifted himself up, bringing one of his hands to cup your face as he pulled you in for another kiss. His tongue parted your lips and he allowed himself this one indulgence as he trailed his hand to the back of your neck.

Whatever thoughts that were running through his mind, he chose to ignore. There was no reason for him to consider such trivial things anyway. You were spoiling him with your body, playing out the fantasies that plagued his mind. He was aware that his greed fueled his lust for you and honestly did not know what he would do if you were to ask him to stop.

He deepened the kiss, allowing the frustrating thought to play out in passion instead. You shifted your position, your hand falling to his chest as you gripped onto the collar of his tee. Still holding onto the kiss, Gojo lifted himself upright so he was seated and as much as he would love to take advantage of this current situation, he chose to pull himself away instead.

“Best of three?”

“That sounds good to me!” you replied as you circled your arm around his neck, before returning to kiss him again.

Gojo gave in for only a second, before cheekily breaking away and tapping you gently on the forehead with his index finger.

“Oh no, you aren’t doing this to me again...” he said, his hands moving to your waistline as he gently pushed you away from him. “You wanted to have a game night and we are going to see it through.”

He leaned across from you to pick up the spinner, before settling back down and holding it in between the tiny space that separated you both.

“Winner goes first.”

- CHAPTER 8: HEAT - 

[luna--reading]

[PICK A CARD] QUICK YES/NO ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION

Hello lovelies~ ♡

This is a pick a card reading for a quick yes/no answer to whatever question you have on your mind right now. This is a timeless reading and you’re meant to see this right now! Please do find peace if it doesn’t resonate with you~ ♡

So take a few minutes to mediate on these 10 piles, you can pick more than one crystal if you have more than one question:

Top row (Left to right): 1 - 5

Bottom row (Left to right): 6 - 10

Once you’re ready, just scroll below to find the reading that you have chosen!

You can always leave a comment or simply like the post if it resonates with you, thank you so much~ ♡♡♡

Pile 1: COMPROMISE // The Tower

Darling, I’m getting it’s a no for your question. I feel like right now, things are not exactly stable and secure for you in regards to whatever you’ve been asking for and maybe you’ve been wanting to do things your way. I do see that you are asked to compromise with the people involved or in this situation, and only be achieving the balance, can you then allow things to be built on a more solid and stable foundation.

Pile 2: ASK YOUR ANGELS // Queen of Swords

Darling, I’m getting a no for your question. I feel like right now, angels want you to connect with them and for you to know how to set your boundaries first before things can progress in whatever you’ve been asking for. I feel like your angels may have been sending you certain signs but you’ve not been wanting to face them straight up. It’s important for you to connect with your angels now so that you can seek guidance and protection from them.

Pile 3: HELPFUL PEOPLE // Ace of Cups

Darling, I’m getting a yes for your question. I feel like you are being well-supported by the people around you, and even your angels are here to help you out. I do feel that whatever that you are asking for, there is going to be abundance of love and care here to help you to achieve this. I do see that if you are feeling unsure about something, don’t be afraid to seek help from the people around you. I’m also seeing that when in doubt, turn to your angels, and they will be there to guide you along.

Pile 4: FORGIVENESS // 8 of Wands

Darling, I’m getting a yes for your question. I feel like angels want to congratulate you for overcoming the hard times previously. They want you to know that those challenges and blockages were not here to stop you but in fact, they are here to help you learn and grow. They know that you’ve been working hard on forgiveness, not just others but yourself as well. And this will definitely help you to progress everything for you. I do see that fast-forward movement is here, as well as certain communication or news is coming in for you if you are waiting for that as well.

Pile 5: MEDITATION BRINGS ANSWERS // The Hierophant

Darling, I’m getting a yes for your question. I do feel that you’ve been trying to ground yourself, and you might have been trying out meditation to connect with your angels. Your angels want you to know that they are so proud of you and that you are indeed trying out ways, that you probably wouldn’t try before, to get to the answers that you want. I do feel that whatever you are asking for is going to last for a long time as well, so continue doing whatever you’ve been doing and know that this hard work is going to pay off eventually.

Pile 6: UNLIKELY // 7 of Wands

Darling, I’m getting a no for your question. I feel like you might have been very defensive or guarded when it comes to certain people and situation and honestly, I feel like this is not working out in your favour. I do feel that while the angels want you to know that it is good for you to set up healthy boundaries, it is important for you to differentiate who or what you should be guarded against and who or what you should open up your heart space towards.

Pile 7: NO NEED TO WORRY // 8 of Pentacles

Darling, I’m getting a yes for your question. I feel like you are right now anxious or worried about certain results or progress or just something in regards to whatever you’ve been asking for. And the angels want you to know that there is nothing for you to worry about. Everything will work out in your favour because you’ve put in the hard work and effort and your angels want you to know that things are going to unfold slowly but surely for you, eventually.

Pile 8: NO! // 3 of Swords

Darling, this is a definite no for your question. I feel like right now you aren’t fully healed for you to progress or for you to start anew or just something in regards to your question. There is this idea of not being fully healed from the past and the angels want you to know that these past hurts and traumas will resurface again if you don’t heal them right now. For now, your angels want you to allow yourself to heal from the past so that you can have that new beginning or just to have that renewal as well.

Pile 9: WITHIN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS // 4 of Cups

Darling, I’m getting a yes for your question. I feel like right now you are doubting yourself and the Universe if whatever you have been doing is the right thing. And I do feel that the angels want you to have a bit more confidence in yourself as well as in your situation. Things might not be going the way you want it to right now, but I do see that within the next few months, you are going to start to see beautiful changes unfolding in front of you.

Pile 10: IF YOU BELIEVE // 9 of Pentacles

Darling, I’m getting a yes for your question. I feel like angels want you to build on that self-confidence and for you to know your own true worth. I feel like you are asked to continue to manifest what it is that you want and know that the angels are always here to support you. But of course, your own beliefs are definitely important in your own manifestations. I feel like you’ve put in the work and now is important to have that confidence boost to achieve whatever you are asking for.