#those 2 things that are within my reach are really nice and they make me happy

[yzashaven]

2023 KINKTOBER︰10﹒01 / 10﹒02

꒰ —♡ B R E E D I N G ﹒ PART 1 ꒱

EVENT MASTERLIST !

FEATURING ! ayato, xiao, diluc, kuronushi x fem!reader

WARNINGS ! breeding obviously, shibari, some anal, cum overflow :0, overstimulation, praising, think that's all + VERY SHORT HELP

NOTE ! like only one of these were proofread LMAO anyway~ splitting this into 2 because i couldn't make the time to finish all 8 of the characters 😭 + THANK YOU FOR 700?!?!?! + sorry to those i couldn't tag :( and for posting this late omg

event taglist— @yukiitaooo @scara6 @peakalatus @kanaedd @returningluv @im-the-ruler-here @scarafixation @kateybuggi @hanni7 @asimpforpeople @ju1yyyzzz @saturnsapothecary @alexiassleeping @cheeze-noo @supercoolusernameomg @shining_dhei @uchihaeirin @black-rxse @3herri-berri @anon-eu @gojoswife201 @abeitriz @chlebek1 @mechanical-lily @breadybuu @dawning-bliss @poisonedmoonl1ght @scaraismybbgreal @nothingfuninthislife @hellithides @eunchaeluvr @doumastip @pandash @cuntz0ne @zomzomb1e @bitchylillyrose @apocalypticchimera @wolfiafan10 @zxdksimpo

—KAMISATO AYATO

he's a very family oriented man, you're well aware of that, so of course it's no surprise that breeding is one of the commissioner's top kinks. even just the mere thought of filling up your cute little cunt with his seed is enough to drive him insane.

"you're gonna give me an heir, yeah? right, my love?" ayato seductively whispered into your ear as you tiredly nod your head in approval. he has been pounding into you nonstop for the past 2 hours or so, filling you up with his cum over and over again, making sure that it'll reach your womb. "you feel so good~ this is your reward for being such a good girl for me, so take it. take it all~" his thrusts begin to quicken, urging yet another orgasm for him and yourself before grabbing your ankles to bring your legs over onto his shoulders; allowing him to push his dick even deeper than it was already reaching previously.

"fuck—i'm sorry for pushing your limits, sweetheart, but i won't waste my chance in finally getting to breed you real nice~"

—XIAO

him being a yaksha and practically spending his whole life fighting; xiao never really got to know or experience much when it comes to intimacy. but god, the moment you stepped into his life, it became the thing he couldn't live without.

"o-one more, please..." he groans out, thrusting deep into you at a slow pace, his tip kissing at your cervix ever so slightly. your whimpers and pleas falling onto deaf ears as his gaze was fixated on the way your thighs trembled under his touch as his hands kept your legs spread wide just for him, drunk on the sight of his cock disappearing within your warmth with each buck of his hips. an obvious squelching sound could be heard along with the mix of your fluids overflowing from the sides, "if i pull out, it'll all go to waste, won't it?" xiao mutters out, pulling back until only the head of his cum coated cock remained, just to slam back inside and have you scream his name for the nth time that evening.

"this won't be enough, baby... need to fill you up some more~"

—DILUC RAGNVINDR

trust me when i say that breeding is one of his top kinks, probably around the top 3, i'm sure of it :3 he just adores how pretty you look taking every single drop of his seed; the way you look so perfectly fucked out is enough to bring another feeling of euphoria to him.

"m-my love, so pretty~" diluc's eyes were focused on your trembling figure beneath him, cunt already completely full of his cum yet he's still pumping more and more inside for 'good measure' as per his words. "i know you're tired, i'm sorry—you feel too good for me to... pull out-ah~" the sensitive head of his cock kissed all the deepest parts of you with ease; giving you so much more pleasure, along with the way he was constantly pushing his cum back inside further.

"...so perfect for me, my good girl~"

—KURONUSHI

shibari. his specialty, his favorite. he decided to try a new position instead of the usual mating press you two did; having you situated on the bed with your ass up and face buried in the pillows while your wrists were bound by a red ribbon behind your back.

"that's it, keep moaning for me like that~" kuronushi coos, hips slamming against your body as his cock thrusted in and out of your ass at a steady rhythm, fingers rubbing roughly at your swollen clit, continuing to drive you over the edge. "fuck—your voice truly is the best instrument~ and your moans... the most majestic melody i've ever heard~" he says in between uneven breaths before finally cumming inside you, abruptly pulling out and pushing into your already filled to the brim cunt, a dark chuckle escaping his lips upon hearing you moan at the sudden entrance.

"just made sure to fill up both of your holes, love~"

[hoshinasblade]

second best |2| hoshina soshiro

PART 1 | PART 2 | BONUS: PART THREE

pairing: hoshina soshiro x f!reader genre: slight angst, comfort, childhood friends to lovers, a bit of that miscommunication trope snippet: hoshina soshiro always ranks second at everything in his life. god forbid he falls behind in the bid for your heart too. word count: 2.5K trigger warnings: author's note: hello, reposting the part 2 because of hiccups from saturday when i posted it first (tumblr blocked my blog lol). likes, reblogs, and replies are always appreciated but please do not copy or steal my works. in celebration of this blog reaching 100 followers recently, i have written a bonus part 3 which will be posted within this week. my taglist form is here, and feel free to let me know your thoughts by sending me an ask through here. using my degree correctly by writing hoshina fanfics yes

you aren't sure when things changed between you and hoshina soshiro.

when you were young, you would have understood that he didn't have the attention span to deal with you. he wasn't exactly shy, but you wouldn't call him friendly too - unlike you, who has taken it upon herself to be friends with all the children in the small neighbourhood. unfortunately for you, only the hoshina brothers are at the same age as you are, and at that time you thought that was a sign that fate was giving - you ought to be close to them.

you won't deny that you were fonder of the hoshina brothers than anyone when you started school. if you are being honest, you like them more than any of your expensive dolls or toys. being an only child, you thought it was only natural to want someone to be with - to want someone to share things with.

the brothers would have their endless training sessions every day, and though you did not know how to swing a sword then, you insisted to your parents - and theirs - that you must join them. sometimes you would be sitting on the floor just watching them, and frequently you would be the one keeping count of the score between soshiro and soichiro when they spar.

soshiro has never won a single match against his brother when they were kids.

but you didn't mind. you still preferred him over soichiro.

in fifth grade, you bought him the biggest cake your meagre savings could buy. it wasn't much really, but you won't forget how wide his eyes went when you lighted the candles and sang him the happy birthday song albeit out of tune. the next year, you gifted him a small keychain - a teddy bear in a purple kimono. you never saw him use it.

it wasn't until years after that you worked out what your feelings for him were. the girls from your class would make small talk and ask if you have a boyfriend now and then. you would say no all the time. at sixteen, you felt like you didn't need to be in a relationship - because you have soshiro, you said to yourself - and that was when it hit you.

every time soshiro would talk to you after that, you would peek in your little compact mirror, worried he had miraculously discovered your secret, afraid that maybe your face had given it away. he caught you doing that once, and he accused you of attempting to be pretty for him.

"is it me ye're trying to be cute for?" he volunteered to carry your bag on your way home but you declined. you didn't want to start assuming things; you knew he was just being nice.

"ya wish," you deflected effectively.

"well, whoever it is for, they're in for some trouble", he commented, and you chose not to read too much in his words. you realized how the walk to your house always seemed to be shorter when you were with soshiro.

when you turned eighteen, you asked your mom what it meant to be in love. she was the last person you had wanted to ask - your parents had broken their perfect marriage not long ago, your father choosing to abandon your mother and you. soshiro taught you the basics of kendo during those hard months. "i'll even let ya beat me", he said to you.

"it's when you care for them so much that you will go as far as to let them go because you wanted them to be happy," your mother answered.

soshiro did not have the decency to say goodbye when he left himeji. you wanted to celebrate with him, and it wasn't like you weren't familiar with his plans to move after graduation. you used to stay up late with him, and inevitably the conversation would steer to his dream of getting out of your town. he would say that it's to expand his horizons - for his growth - but you like to give yourself some credit because you know him too well to simply believe that. you can tell that he needs a place to stretch his wings and be the best - somewhere he can be better than his brother.

and maybe you are really your mother's daughter - you let hoshina soshiro go because you thought it would make him happy.

"vice-captain, platoon leader said ye're needed at operations." you saluted and walked inside his office. "get yer ass in there, were the exact words actually," you added, intending it to be a joke.

soshiro didn't even look up from the file he had been staring at since you came in. he's been like this for days after you were sworn in the defense force. you would bump into him in the hallways of the training building or sit at the same table with him for lunch, and he wouldn't speak to you at all. if you didn't know better, you would think that finally, after all these years, he is now aware of your feelings. but that would be impossible, because not only the other recruits would not dare to rat you out, but also because soshiro would not be acting this way if he knew.

"v-vice captain?" you repeated.

soshiro hummed. "i heard ya the first time, officer," he said, his glance on you so cold you felt it from where you stood. it wiped off the smile you were wearing that morning.

"ya can go," he said once more after he noticed you didn't move. "or d'ya need anything else from me?"

"no, vice-captain." you were almost out of the door when you remembered something else. "one more thing, hoshina-san," you faced him again, the way you said his last name soft against your own lips. "soichiro-kun will be visiting again tomorrow so we can go to himeji together -"

"do ya belong to the sixth division?" soshiro cut you off. "i didn't know ya transferred."

"i - i'm not -" you were still trying to look for the appropriate response when he interrupted you again.

"then why are ya spending so much time with him? d'ya wanna move to his jurisdiction?" soshiro is standing now, whatever he was reading earlier long forgotten.

it was difficult to reconcile this distant man in front of you with the boy you used to chase after during your childhood days. the one who would bring you an extra boxed lunch because you told him before that his bento tastes so much better than yours. the boy you fell in love with. you had both grown up, and taken different paths at a time, yes, but you did not expect to struggle so badly to find common ground with him. "im sorry, vice-captain, i'll be off now." it felt like a huge chasm had opened in the middle of the room that determined to keep the two of you worlds apart. you turned to leave, and you heard him mutter something.

"if ya wanted to keep going on dates with my brother, ya shouldn't have gone here."

there is only one thing sharper than his katana and it is hoshina soshiro's mouth.

pain swirled inside you, threatening to spill over. when you couldn’t keep the turmoil in any longer, you snapped.

"what is yer problem?!" your pitch reached a high octave that soshiro was shocked at the outburst. "did i do anything? cause yer being mean, soshiro," you pressed on, stepping closer to him. it didn't escape him how you dropped the title off his name, and the honorifics, too. he was about to respond, but you didn't give him the chance. "look, i know yer not on good terms with soichiro-kun, but he’s my friend."

"like i needed to be reminded." sarcasm coated his retort. "ya know what? ya can marry the guy and i won't even care. do whatever ya want", he said, dismissing you in a harsher tone

your forehead scrunched and your eyebrows met in confusion. "what are ya talkin' about? no one is getting married -"

soshiro's laugh was bitter. you recoiled at the offensive sound. "i'm not the one going around telling everyone she's in love with soichiro-kun.”

there was a loud ringing in your ears; you couldn’t believe what you were hearing, and you were suddenly afraid that this conversation is unfolding into something else entirely. “i never said that,” you protested. “i never told anyone i was in love with him. i don’t know where you’re getting this from.”

soshiro’s expression remained stoic and unreadable. “i heard you say it at the izakaya”, he murmured.

breath was knocked out of your lungs and panic started to rise within you. “i never told anyone i was in love with him”, you repeated. you tried to rewind every second of what happened in the party thrown for the new officers nearly a month ago. everyone was drinking and having a good time after the sworn-in ceremony. commander ashiro and the vice-captain had to leave ahead. your fellow newbies grilling you on your history with hoshina soshiro.

“save it.” hurt was evident in soshiro’s voice; his eyes glimpsed at you briefly, and you saw an emotion you couldn’t quite decipher flicker. soshiro’s expressionless mask faltered for a moment, revealing a glimpse of vulnerability. although you don’t have a clue how he would have heard it when he went with commander ashiro that night, the desire to straighten things out overtook you.

for a split second, the burden of the truth hangs heavily on your tongue. you gave in to the desperation.

“i never told anyone i was in love with him”, you reiterated, hoping he would understand this time. “because it’s you i’m in love with.”

there were multiple occasions in the past where you almost admitted what he meant to you; you had pictured a thousand scenarios in your head where you declared your love, but all of them did not include the part where soshiro would respond.

you thought confessing would ease the ache in your heart, but it was the opposite. "i didn't know how to tell ya, and that's my fault. but how could i? ya didn't even bother to say goodbye to me when ya left home." it was taking everything of you to hold your tears back, and ignoring the obvious tremble in your voice, you continued. "did ya know i taught myself how to pray after ya were gone? i thought it was the only thing i could do for ya."

"i didn't know", was all soshiro could say. he looks in distress, still grappling with your bold confession.

a loud knock on the door broke the tension. “vice-captain, they made me fetch you,” okonogi said from the hall.

“well, now ya do.” you turned away just when soshiro strode towards your direction, running after you. you were faster than him, and despite the possibility that you would be seen coming from the vice-captain’s office crying, you twisted the doorknob and ran.

it is still hot when you sit down on a bench at the rooftop of the third division's training building.  you welcomed the cool breeze, however, and you noted that at this altitude, everything from far away looks considerably smaller.

you missed two important briefings this afternoon already, and your team is most certainly searching frantically for you everywhere. you are definitely going to be scolded by your superior. yet you couldn’t bring yourself to discard the little comfort being alone had given to you, especially after such an emotional confrontation. you sighed, exhaustion slowly crawling all over you. lost in your thoughts, you did not notice the soft footsteps approaching until a familiar voice tore through the silence. the cold breeze blew, making you shiver a bit.

“hey,” soshiro called out. you freaked out, immediately looking for a space to hide at. “i already saw ya,” he let you know.

he held out a keychain in front of your face, a tiny bear in a faded purple kimono with the string attached to its head dangling from his forefinger. you recognized it instantly - you got it for him when he turned 12 years old. he sat beside you, not concerning himself with asking for your permission.

“the first few days were the hardest”, he began, and you listened. “i was too used to seeing ya every day, but when we were apart, i convinced myself i would forget how ya look like. i didn’t.” he offered the keychain to you and you took it - the bear’s fur worn out and old to your touch. “i hold that thing whenever i start to miss ya.”

shock was etched on your face and your gaze darted to him. “is it too late now to say that i love ya?” he whispered, his face mirroring the sincerity of his tone. sunlight bathed the rooftop as soshiro’s words hung in the air, leaving you breathless and stunned. you gasped. “maybe i should have told ya sooner. but i have been in love with ya for a while now.”

you leaned into his shoulder, and you quietly cried.

“i don’t think i have been anybody’s first choice in anything, so it didn’t enter my mind that ya would probably feel the same.” his hand found yours and you relished on the warmth.

“your brother advised that i tell ya, ya know?” you said between sniffles.

he chuckled. “he didn’t do an excellent job at that, did he now?”

silence ensued; his thumb tracing patterns on the back of your hand, your head on his shoulder still - your breathing still a mess from everything that has been said. “i’m sorry i hurt ya. let me spend my whole life making it up to ya,” he proposed. the promise made your heart skip a beat.

for the first time in a long time, you gave him a smile - the one you have reserved just for him, the one you made sure to convey everything you wanted to tell him. there are a lot of other things you feel the need to ask him, but this will suffice for now. this is more than you ever had in your whole life.

“i can’t believe we wasted so much time dancing around our feelings. that one time i wanted to hit one of our classmates because he was being pushy with ya, d’ya remember that?” he reminisced. “anyone can have everything in the world, and the only time i would crack is if it is ya being taken away from me.”

all your dreams pale in comparison to your reality now.

out of the blue, you heard soshiro giggle. “does this mean ya were telling the newbies that night that it was me ye’re into?” he stared at you, and you can’t help but see him as the little boy you grew up with. this is the man i love, you said to yourself. you squeezed his hand.

you didn’t respond. all you know is the color of your cheeks surely rivals the pink of the skies as the both of you watch the sun sets.

[saphig-iawn]

Finally Let Off His Leash - Part 2

[part 1]

I had my puppy on my lap again.

Since our first session he as opened up so much with me. Like the exciteable and bubbly puppy in him is reaching out into his life and making it a little brighter.

When our call connected I could tell he was just brimming with excitement, but it felt like he was trying his best not to be too forward with it.

I know how that can feel sometimes, that your passion or excitement can be something with so much energy that it makes people retreat ever so slightly.

I never want him to shrink in my care like that.

So I spoke my spell and I heard the most beautiful, heart-deep laugh and giggles ripple and then burst from his lips like an emergency slide inflating. A gentle start but explosive finish.

All I had to do was say hi to my sweet puppy and he rumbled like an old engine at me, full of happiness.

Now we had planned that our session was to be about weaving him some tantalising bondage spells (which I will write about soon), but I wanted to make sure he was nice and relaxed.

You see, he had a very stressful day and the time between our previous session was enough time that he had those little pockets of stress hidden within his muscles, so being able to tend to him right at the beginning just felt so good.

With content barks and low happy grumbles, he agreed.

Then, I treated him to some well deserved cuddle time.

I rolled him onto his side and stroked his belly and rubbed between his eyes and told him about all the places I would walk him in my town and in Wales.

Through old castle ruins, weaving between the grand arches of old viaducts, wandering over the sleeping mountains.

He did the cutest thing when I started talking about the coastal walks we could do, the rock pools we could explore when the tide was out, the beaches he could run free on.

I said how seagulls are everywhere in these places because of the food people buy, and when I said that I would let him chase the seagulls away, he began to sniff and sniff and sniff like he was there ready to pounce!

I always love the sessions I do, but sessions like these, full of care and tenderness really make my heart feel full. Giving some a space to be unapologetically themselves is something I will always strive to do with my hypnosis.

(This writing is about a real hypnosis session with real hypnosis and real people. If you would like to see more writing like this, then please support me over at https://ko-fi.com/saphig, where you can also commission 1-on-1 hypnosis sessions and have your own piece of writing just like this!)

[veephoenix]

zutto — chapter sixteen | wc: 2.8k | series masterpost | prev. chapter

Chapter summary:  Lia and Noah return to L.A. and Jolly surprises Noah with big news.

Reading time: 10mins.

Tags and trigger warnings:  mostly fluff, mentions of Lia going back to therapy, 2 spankings.

General trigger warnings: this work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction, abuse, & violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised. +18

The sky was clear when they landed in Los Angeles. Before leaving the airport, they stopped at a Starbucks in the arrivals area for coffee and a quick bite to make up for the cheap food on the plane. Afterward, they took a cab to Lia’s apartment. 

For the time being, they had decided to stay at Noah’s place since he had his studio there and he was meant to start working asap. Lia was already used to living within those walls so it felt like the right thing for now. 

Noah dropped her off at her apartment to unpack and start a load of laundry, agreeing to pick her up later. In the meantime, he would do the same at home. 

When he walked through the door, Jolly greeted him from the kitchen, pausing what he was doing to give him a brotherly hug and a pat on the back. 

Noah had barely set his luggage down when Emery appeared in the hallway, waving at him. She was wearing baggy sweatpants and one of Jolly’s hoodies, looking very much at home. 

“Hi, Noah.”

“Hi, Em.” He gave her a quick hug. 

“Good flight?” she asked, stepping back and noticing the slight dark circles under his eyes. 

“As good as it gets. I think I’m really jet-lagged, though.”

“I’m making coffee,” Jolly announced, busying himself with the machine. “Want some?”

Noah had just had one about thirty minutes ago, but he replied, “Sure. Thanks.”

He removed his backpack and sneakers, sighing as his feet finally found relief. 

“Where’s Lia?” Emery asked, glancing over her shoulder at Noah as she walked into the kitchen to help Jolly. She retrieved three mugs from one of the cabinets. 

“Dropped her at her place,” he explained. They hadn’t been apart for more than fifteen minutes, and yet he was already missing the warmth and peace she brought him just by being around. “I’m picking her up later. She’ll be happy to see you.”

“Em’s been staying here,” Jolly said, stopping the coffee machine and picking up the kettle. 

Noah raised his eyebrows and looked at Emery, who had now made herself comfortable on the couch, waiting for Jolly to bring the coffee. She gave Noah a gentle smile. 

“Nice. How long are you planning to stay?”

“As long as Jolly doesn’t get tired of me,” she replied.  

Jolly pointed at her while passing a coffee mug to Noah across the kitchen isle. “Which is never happening.” 

Emery laughed, her cheeks turning pink. Their comfort with each other was so obvious that Noah felt suddenly stupidly jealous. He was tempted to check the time on his phone. He’d told Lia he’d pick her up whenever she texted him, which he hoped would be soon—just enough time for her to sort her things and take a shower. Had it only been fifteen minutes? Because it felt like she’d been away from his reach much longer.  

Emery’s laughter blended with a sarcastic snort from the hallway. When Noah looked that way, he saw Jesse strolling in.

“I need to fall in love and get out of this house,” Jesse declared, running a hand through his hair. He nodded at Noah. “Welcome back, man.”

“Hey,” Noah said with a nod. 

“Where’s Miss Gremlin?” 

“At her place. She’ll be here later.”

“Great. Well, I’m heading to the gym, so I’ll catch up with you guys later. Oh, and if you are doing laundry, grab my stuff from the basket, yeah?” 

Noah raised his eyebrows, following him with his gaze. Jesse bent down to grab his sneakers from the shoe rack. “I just got back, and you’re already assigning me chores?”

“Consider it a welcome-home gift,” Jesse grinned over his shoulder, tying his laces. “Hope you enjoyed your holiday.”

“I should’ve made it longer,” Noah replied, but there was no malice in his eyes. He picked up his luggage again as Jesse waved goodbye and left. Noah muttered “unbelievable” as he started towards his bedroom. 

“I promise I’m not giving you guys any extra work,” Emery added from the living room, raising a hand. “I do my own laundry.”

“Beware of Jesse,” Jolly warned, dropping onto the couch beside her with the two mugs of coffee. “He’ll rope you in if you’re not careful.”

An hour and a half later—showered, dressed in clean clothes, with the washing machine running and his room semi-organized—Noah returned to the living room. 

He inadvertently interrupted a tender moment in the kitchen, where Emery and Jolly were exchanging whispers between kisses and affectionate touches. Neither of them seemed fazed when Noah walked in; Emery simply gave Jolly a long kiss on the lips, rose on tiptoes, then turned and disappeared into his bedroom at the end of the hallway.

Noah raised his eyebrows at Jolly as he crossed to the fridge, intent on finding something to eat.

“Dude, I’m so in love,” Jolly blurted out, leaning on the kitchen counter, his eyes frozen on the dark hallway where his girlfriend had just vanished.  

Noah snorted. “I can see that,” he said, pulling open the fridge and grabbing a yogurt.  

“I’m going to marry her.” 

Noah froze, the yogurt halfway out of the fridge. 

He turned slowly. “What?”

Jolly turned to look at him and shrugged. “I’m ready to marry her.”

Noah blinked once. Twice. “But,” he furrowed his brow, closing the fridge and setting the yogurt on the counter. “Wait. Are you serious? You’ve been together for what, a few months? Half a year?”

Jolly crossed his arms, still leaning on the counter. “We’ve known each other for six years. It’s not about the time we’ve been officially dating.”

“Yeah, I get that, but—” Noah blinked again, momentarily lost. He grabbed a spoon from a drawer to buy himself a moment. “I mean… Okay. I do get it, but…” His head was spinning. “I just got back from the other side of the ocean. I expected dirty socks everywhere and an empty fridge—not a bombshell about you wanting to get married. You never said much about it. Doesn’t it feel sudden?”

“Not to me. Not anymore,” Jolly’s voice softened. “She’s the one, Noah.”

“Yeah, Lia’s the one for me, too, and yet—”

“And yet, what are you waiting for?”

“What?”

Jolly shook his head but steered the conversation back to himself. “These past few weeks have been perfect. We work so well together, man. She doesn’t mind my bad habits���I don’t mind hers. We can argue and talk things through. She makes me laugh like nobody else. And waking up and seeing her there beside me is something I can’t even explain. And the sex… Fuck, the sex is good, man.”

Noah looked at him closely, spoon hovering over the open yogurt. “So, you’re totally serious. You’re really thinking about this.”

Jolly spread the back of his hands on the marble, standing to his full height. “Why would I joke about it? I’m telling you because you’re my best friend, and I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I need your thoughts.”

Noah tilted his head slightly, taking a bite of his yogurt as he considered it. “Okay, so… have you talked to her about it? Like, does she even want to get married?” 

“We’ve talked. She does. She even wants kids someday. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Noah shook his head, smiling despite himself. Could he picture Jolly as a husband? A father? No, but only because they’d been so caught up in the band, in working full time, that none of them had stopped for a second to consider wanting something more. Marriage. A family. It made sense, and honestly, Noah was sure Jolly would be great at both.

“Okay,” Noah said, his smile widening. He was suddenly infected by the same thrill coursing through Jolly. “Then it’s a yes from me. Go for it. When are you planning to propose?”

Jolly’s smile turned sheepish. “I don’t know. Haven’t gotten that far yet. We need to find a place first, a nice condo or a house. But I was thinking we could go check out rings next week, to get an idea about prices and stuff, and while we’re at it, maybe you could take a look too.”

Noah raised a slow, suspicious eyebrow at him. 

Where is he going with this?

“Why would I want to take a look at engagement rings?” 

“For whenever you grow a pair and pop the question to Lia.”

Noah stared at him.     

Jolly pointed a finger at him and gave him a sideways look. “Don’t even dare tell me you’re not going to marry her because man, you’ve been breathing her as if she was your oxygen since you were kids. It’s just because you two were stubborn as fuck to admit you loved each other that you’re not married by now.”

“I—” Noah was exhausted, jet-lagged, hungry, and still reeling from Jolly’s sudden news about wanting to get married. And now, thanks to him, he was imagining Lia in a white dress and a flower crown on her head. 

What the fuck. 

“We haven’t talked about this, Lia and I.”

“Maybe it’s time you do. This is the perfect excuse.”

Noah stared at him for a long moment, torn between exasperation and amusement. As thoughts filled his mind, he realized he didn’t even know if Lia wanted to get married. “I came back expecting dirty clothes everywhere and no food in the fridge,” he muttered, “not life advice and a push toward marriage.”

Jolly laughed. “Well, now you’ve got both. Welcome home, man.”

When evening came, Lia and Emery curled up in the corner of the couch after dinner, talking animatedly, each holding a cup of tea, while the boys finished cleaning up the kitchen. 

Somehow, Lia had mustered the energy to prepare one of the dishes Hana had taught her in Japan, and despite his exhaustion, Noah had offered to do the washing up afterward. Before picking her up, Lia had walked to the nearest supermarket to grab the missing ingredients. The moment she arrived at the boys’ house, she started cooking as if she hadn’t just spent the past twenty-four hours crossing the Pacific Ocean and trying to sleep in a cramped, uncomfortable airplane seat. Where she got the energy from, Noah couldn’t tell. 

After the kitchen was cleaned up, the five of them settled on the couch and put on a new Adrien Brody movie. Jesse made popcorn and ended up eating most of it himself, ignoring Jolly and Noah’s comments about all his efforts at the gym going to waste. 

Half an hour into the movie, Noah had already yawned three times. He was stretched out in the corner of the couch, legs extended on the sectional, with Lia nestled against him, his arm draped over her shoulders. Every now and then, she’d ask Jesse to pass the bowl of popcorn.

“I’m dozing off,” Noah murmured to Lia, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Shall we go to bed?”

Lia pouted, her eyes wide open. No trace of sleep in her expression, unlike Noah’s.  

“How are you not sleepy?” He asked, frowning as he sat up a bit on the sofa, removing his arm from her shoulders. 

“Hmm…” Lia bit her lip and looked up at him, still nestled at his side with her legs curled under her body. “I may or may not have taken a nap at my place.”

Noah’s eyes widened despite the look of sweet innocence in her face. 

“Without me?” he exclaimed. 

“Dude, shut up,” Jolly told him off without looking away from the screen, where Adrien Brody’s character stood in the pouring rain, his face shadowed under his hat.  

Lia parted her lips to say something in her defense, but she didn’t get the chance. Noah stood up, and towering over her, he scooped her up in his arms, lifting her bridal-style off the couch. 

“Hey!” she protested. “Where are you taking me?”

“Bedroom. To sleep. Good night, guys.”

“Help?” Lia called over Noah’s shoulder, but despite her theatrics, she was smiling, nearly laughing, and she had to admit it felt nice to be carried to the bedroom.

“Sweet dreams, lovebirds!” Jesse said. Next to him, Jolly and Emery laughed, waved their hands and said goodnight.

Once in the bedroom, Noah kicked the door shut behind him. Then, without warning, he threw Lia onto the bed. She landed with a soft thud, her hair fanning out over the gray comforter. 

“That was so romantic,” she deadpanned, stretching before rolling onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows. She watched Noah with a raised eyebrow as he pulled off his hoodie and tossed it onto the armchair where Lia liked to curl up and read. 

“Yeah,” he muttered, still giving her that mock-offended look she knew was just an act. “Almost as romantic as my girlfriend taking a nap without me.” 

He walked over to close the curtains, then switched on the lamp on his side of the bed. 

“And dramatic,” she added.  

He stopped and gave her a long look. Two seconds later, his open palm landed on her butt with a sharp slap.

Lia gasped, eyes going wide. 

“Did you just spank me?” 

“Should I do it again for clarification?”

He didn’t wait for an answer. He grinned, and another smack followed, firm but playful. Even through her cotton leggings, a tingling sensation spread through her. She pressed her legs together, unable to look away from him, her cheeks warming. 

He studied her reaction, enjoying this as much as she seemed to. He arched a brow at the realization. “You likethat, don’t you?”

Lia tilted her head to one side, lifting her feet off the bed and lazily crossing her ankles. “Maybe.”

He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head as he reached for one of her wrists, pulling her up. “Come on. Let’s brush our teeth. Then we’re sleeping, because I’m actually dead.”

“Hum,” Lia pouted, but got off the bed and followed him barefoot to the ensuite bathroom. 

The moment they got under the covers, sleep was the last thing on their minds. 

For the next half hour, they talked—about the next day, about Lia’s return to therapy, about how she planned to attend a yoga class beforehand. She had work to catch up on, so she’d spend most of the day at home, while Noah would head to the studio with the guys. 

As they lay tangled up, Lia’s bare foot lazily brushing against his calf, she mentioned she was thinking about taking on more illustration jobs while the band focused on creating new music. It seemed like a good way to stay busy. She could focus on designs for new Bad Omens merch later. 

“That’s a good idea,” Noah murmured, voice thick with exhaustion but still engaged. “You could also think about exhibiting your work.”

“In a gallery?”

“Yeah. Your art is sick. I’ll never get tired of saying it. You should put it out there more. Not just through the band’s merch. I told you before.”

The idea of her illustrations being displayed for people to admire—or worse, to judge—didn’t really sit right with her. 

“I like being behind the work,” she said. “Just making things and putting them out there without having to… explain them. I don’t want to do artist talk or anything.”

Noah turned his head on the pillow to look at her. “Then don’t. You wouldn’t have to. Just exhibit the work and let it speak for itself. People will see what they want to see.”

“Yeah, and what if they see something that isn’t there? I’d want them to see what I see.”

“Art isn’t always about making people see your vision,” Noah said, thoughtful. “It’s about them feeling something. Doesn’t matter what. They don’t have to understand it. And you don’t have to explain it.”

Lia exhaled softly, letting the thought settle in the quiet between them. Maybe.

She rested her head against his shoulder after a while, pensive. Silence stretched between them as she mulled it over. “I don’t know. Maybe someday. I just like things the way they are right now. Making art without the pressure. Just… creating for myself first, you know?”

She paused, waiting for his response.

When she didn’t get one, she lifted her head slightly and looked up.

Noah’s breathing had deepened, his lips slightly parted, the steady rhythm of light snores filling the room.

“Of course you’re asleep,” she muttered. She lifted her head a little, watching him in the dark— the slow rise and fall of his chest, the way his eyelashes fanned against his cheek, the soft exhale of his breath.

Leaning in, she brushed her lips against his in a whisper of a kiss. “I love you,” she murmured before tucking herself back against him, letting sleep finally take her too.

— prev. chapter | chapter seventeen

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[yuri-is-online]

Hi, there! :D 🌼 Congratulations on your new followers, you deserve them!

I hope to be on time for the event can I request :

"Someone" decides to ask you for your opinion about "their friend" and you decide to have a bit of fun and tease them.

With Silver , Deuce and Ace?

Take your time and no pressure, thank you very much 💗💐🌠

2. "Someone" decides to ask you for your opinion about "their friend" and you decide to have a bit of fun and tease them.

Hello treasured friend! I was hopeful you would send a request, you picked a nice combination of prompts and characters last time and your comments have been very helpful. You also really helped me out by picking Ace and Deuce, I had a second person who really wanted all of the first years with this prompt and between you both I have them all. I hope I can continue to please with these next two requests ♡ ～('▽^人)

notes: they/them used for Yuu, Yuu is kind of... mean to Ace (I love him I promise), Silver and Deuce should be besties with how much wii shop music is bouncing around in those skulls. The other event requests can be found on my masterlist here.

Silver

"You are in love. And don't act so ashamed of it, young love is a precious thing, you should treasure your time with it for as long as you can."

It's not advice Silver would characterize as bitter, nor is it a point he wishes to ignore; he trusts his father to know him more than anyone so if he says what he feels for the prefect is love, then it must be true. Not that he exactly needed Lilia to voice it, Silver would like to think that he would have realized it if he had been given just a bit more time in your presence alone. But that was hard to come by when you are prone to sleeping randomly, or when your beloved's dreams are so difficult to find.

"Thank you for helping me earlier." The mask Malleus gave him hides his face well enough for him to pass of his nodding off near the star railing as simply tripping on his cape. At least, that's what Silver tells himself as you give a generic you're welcome and turn back to the party. He would like to think if you knew it was him here you would stay, but he doesn't actually know that does he? "Say-"

You turn back to Silver confused. Doesn't he need to get back to Malleus? That's what you had expected, the entire reason you had gotten to hurrying yourself away because you thought you knew if you turned around he simply would not be there anymore. But he is, his hand is extended as if it was reaching for you before falling dejectedly back to his side like you were the one out of reach.

"Have you seen Silver anywhere? Lilia is looking for him." He says it so seriously, and even though he technically says everything like that it still sounds funny to you. Really, who put him up to this? Because you somehow doubt pretending to not be himself was not what he woke up expecting to do.

"I think I saw him earlier," your hand comes up to your mouth to remind you not to laugh, Silver's relaxing now he really must think he's doing a good job lying "these masks just make it so hard to tell who is who."

"They really do." Says the one who really does not. "Do you... often look for Silver at places like this?"

"Oh only sometimes." You walk just a bit closer, it's so hard to gauge Silver's reaction to anything, he is already such a stoic person, and his training encourages an even temperament. "Really, it feels like he's the one looking for me most of the time. Why I bet if I closed my eyes right now," you make sure to do just that as soon as you are stood in front of him once more "he would appear right in front of me, just like he does in my dreams as soon as I counted to ten." Silver's in take of breath is sharp, delighting the trickster within you as you count dutifully down preparing to tease him for his attempt at fooling the master.

But Silver is honest and blunt, your eyes fluttering open in surprise at the kiss placed quickly to your lips and the maskless face before you beaming in joy as if you really had summoned him forth and not been talking to him this whole time.

"May I have this dance, Yuu?" And something about the way he says your name makes you almost believe you were still at home dreaming, no matter how real the safety of his embrace makes you feel.

Deuce

Riddle had told you once, in confidence with a great deal of pride, that when Deuce had been placed in Heartslabyul he had announced his intentions to be as "diligent as the card soldiers." Something you both agreed he certainly lived up to, even if that diligence did not always produce the results he wanted. Take tonight for example, he had asked you to dance earlier in the night, clearly intending to mask his identity to try and follow along with what he perceived the rules of a Masquerade Ball to be.

As in he intends (you assume) to pretend to be a stranger to you until midnight when the masks get removed even as he brings you all your favorites from the buffet table and just generally is content to stay around you. Some might call it hovering, but Deuce has never really been uncomfortable with you; from the first moment you and Grim had asked for his help with Ace he has been a solid presence in your life. Which is why when he starts to get shifty and nervous you immediately notice.

"Something on your mind?" You try gently, knowing that he will only feel better once he's unburdened himself, frowning slightly when he startles further.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." He sounds almost sad, but not in a way that's causing him any pain. Nostalgic, longing, it's as if there is a picture in his head overlapping the actual scene in front of him. It worries you. "I have this... friend. And I was wondering if- well you seem really smart." Your smile returns, small and tentative, waiting for him to finish thinking before you commit to your happiness. Cute, so cute Deucey seems to be worried you don't know you're dancing with him. "Do you know Deuce Spade?"

"I think so." You hum and Deuce swallows, his hand holds yours just a bit more tightly than is necessary for a ballroom dance. "Why do you ask?"

"I was wondering I- he- has this other friend." If Ace could hear the way Deuce was stammering right now he would whine for you to end his suffering, but you want Deuce to have his moment. So you simply nod to encourage him to continue, watching in delight the shuddering breath he takes to steady his confidence. "Is he someone you would want to get to know better? He has this... friend he wants to ask out, but he's worried that he won't know how to treat them right."

"Are they good friends?" You say, really trying to play along. Deuce nods, his mask prevents you from really knowing but you think he is not looking you in the eyes. "Besties?"

"Uh the bestest besties." He nods, all too seriously.

"Bros even." You nod too and Deuce sputters, half tripping over your feet as you decide to heed Ace's phantom advice and put an end to the charade. "Oh come on Deucey, you said that's what we were before. So what's changed?" It comes out as a joke, but it's really not. You gave up on getting a confession from Deuce so long ago you can barely believe the sheepish smile on his face is real and not some fever dream.

"I got tired of lying to myself." He steps back away from you and steadies himself, taking a deep breath before bowing, the perfect picture of loyalty and diligence. "So Yuu, will you please take my hand? And never let go."

Ace

"Say have you seen Ace?" A "mysterious" figure leans against the door frame of the ballroom, the moon highlighting his red eyes that are centered purposefully on you. It's breathtaking, your heart is already halfway up your throat keeping you from speaking aloud. You shake your head quickly, intending to taunt him in to taking off his mask but startle as his grin only widens. "Guess that means I'll have to satisfy myself with you then." And just like that you remember yourself again, is he seriously pretending not to be himself? Does he think you do not know him well enough to spot him in this sea of literally faceless people?

"Well nice to see you too I guess." You cross your arms and he has the audacity to laugh at you like you're "pouting" or something. Like he thinks your cute. "I'm not here looking to satisfy anybody."

"Aw don't be like that." Ace moves, inviting himself into your personal space as you regrettably let him. "You know how Ace is," you do, it's almost like he is in the room with you as you speak "or maybe you don't and just didn't want to admit you can't remember what he looks like." This looser, well play stupid games win stupid prizes! Since you know him so well, you know Ace will understand.

"Oh please," you straighten up and give your best neutral face of disappointment "as if I could ever forget his ugly fucking face."

"Wait-" Ace clearly was not expecting this, his shock is delicious and you are exceptionally thirsty.

"Seriously who does he think he is? Walking around like he isn't annoying everyone with his stupid half smile smirk thing, smouldering went out of style years ago dude! It's creepy now." You mean none of these things- well most none of these things. It would be extremely helpful to your sanity if Ace could explain just who he thinks he is to you specifically, because you know what you want that answer to be. "And I mean have you seen how weird he is about that prefect? Who cares if they don't have magic, if anything that makes them more ann-" surprisingly, as if he wants to prove your hypothetical whining right Ace slaps a hand across your mouth with protests bubbling out of his mouth.

"Look look ok you got me I deserve that." He says with a nervous laugh. "Shit talk me as much as you like, but don't you ever talk about yourself like that. Not around me, not around anyone." He leans forward, some of his boyish confidence returning now that he really knows for sure that you knew it was him all along. Gently, he moves his body closer to yours as he removes his hand from your mouth, moving his fingers to support your chin, not taking any chances on your looking away. He opens his mouth as if he means to continue talking, but his eyes settle on your lips for just a moment too long and the thought leaves. You stand there in ambiguous silence, masks suddenly making their presence heavy against your skin. It's a visceral reminder of how artificial the barrier between you both is, how little effort it takes to break it as you reach for his and pull at the thread as Ace closes the gap to finally answer your stupid question from before.

Sure, there's a chance you will both deny this tomorrow, take those two steps back into the grey that infuriates you both, but so long as you're in this dance together, can you really complain? Not out loud at least, no not out loud.

[cookie-gal]

Another mini chapter of The Emasculated King (my EPIC AU)

Painful torture..

The 9 year old child ran as fast as they could followed his dad's pained cries but it was too late. The giant to room to the dining room was locked

"N-no..no OH NO FATHER!!"

Scared and sad tears fell out of Telemachus' big sad eyes. He put his ear on the door to only hear the sounds of their dad's whimpers and pleads

"MS. CALYPSO PLEASE LET HIM GO!! WHY... WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO HIM!! FATHER'S A GOOD MAN!!"

They repeatedly banged their little hands on the door but no response nor, did anything change the only thing that did change were the tortured cries seemingly getting louder

"PLEASE MS. CALYPSO! I can hear him whimpering.... And crying! Please! P-PLEASE WHATEVER, YOU'RE DOING TO HIM PLEASE, TAKE ME INSTEAD!! FATHER DOESN'T DESERVE, THIS CONSTANT PAIN AND TORTURE! PLEASE... Please...!"

Hours pass by as Telemachus eventually fell asleep at the door getting exhausted, from hitting the door and repeatedly pleading and yelling and crying

The atmosphere didn't really feel as intense as it did it before it felt calm and quiet almost peaceful but not quite. Telemachus wakes up to the sight of seeing the dining room door wide open.

The room was empty, messy like a huge struggle happened but still empty no father in sight though

"Dad, where are you? Where did you go? Did.. did they take you somewhere..?"

His question were immediately answered by a small stained noticeable blood trail. Telemachus' heart dropped, at each step thinking the worse. They eventually were lead to the bathroom

"Dad, dad are you in there? Can you hear me?"

Telemachus called out gently knocking on the door

Odysseus couldn't stop shaking, as he stared at his new scars. There was so much blood, his hands were aching when he was struggling to get out of the suitress' grasps and never succeeding in the end frustrated him so much.

No don't cry! DON'T CRY, DON'T..!

"N-no.. NO! WHY AM- Ahh.."

Cold and pathetic tears stream down his face

2

You... You're supposed to be a man, men aren't supposed to cry so much! So then, why are you crying so much DAMNIT! WHY ARE YOU SO PATHETIC!!

Why... Why are you so weak--

A sudden shake up feeling snapped Odysseus out of his imprisoned mind

"T-Telemachus?"

He softly responded voice slightly shaking

The young prince slowly approaches the sad king, not trying to startle him almost like a animal

"No! Please...!"

Odysseus flinches at the sight of Telemachus reaching out their hand out towards him.

"Dad, it's me.. It's okay those mean women and Ms. Calypso are gone. Atleast for now."

"No...no please don't hurt me!"

"Dad please, snap out of it! It's okay honest!"

STOP PANICKING YOU IDIOT STOP--

A quick caressed of his head make a sudden nice n warmth feeling interrupts the thoughts and make them stop

"Father it.. it's okay I'm here for you. I'm sorry for not saving you from those awful women that constantly hurt you I tried open the door but I couldn't! And then I eventually exhausted myself and passed out. I'm so sorry..!"

"T-Telemachus...I-"

Telemachus hugs Odysseus making the warm feeling stronger inside him. Odysseus not being able, to find the right words hugs the sad child back. His scars were still aching within the contact of the warm embrace but he didn't care he..felt safe again

[mirisss]

Enhypen's reaction to their asexual gf’s sleeping habit

Enhypen x aseuxal afab! reader

Worcount ≈ 900

Thank you!

Heesung

Heesung would be a bit flirty, never crossing any boundaries that you have, just some playful flirting. “Ohh, who let such a princess come into my room?” “What am I seeing? A goddess, for me?” “Has an angel been sent my way?” The thing is though, he isn’t doing it because of what you’re wearing, nope, he does these things constantly. It could be 6 in the morning as you wake up, your hair looking as if it hasn’t been brushed or washed in a year and he would still ask “Who is this angel that stands in front of me?” Of course, he finds his girlfriend absolutely breathtakingly beautiful but he would never do anything that makes you uncomfortable, so if you don’t like the flirty pick-up lines then he will stop using them immediately. 

Jay

Let’s be honest, Jay falls asleep in seconds. You’d be lucky if he stayed awake long enough for you to change into your “pajamas” or what we should call it. He wouldn’t care, as long as it doesn’t interrupt his sleep, you can wear or do whatever. Jay isn’t one to worry about such things, all he really cares about is his own sleep in these moments. However, if he was awake and saw the pajamas he would really react in any way. Neither “OMG you’re half naked let me touch” nor “Ew, put some clothes on” He would just look at you and ask if you were gonna lay down in bed or stand in the middle of the room half the night. Of course, he wouldn’t react like a sex-crazed monster because he knew that wasn’t something you were interested in and of course, he wouldn’t find you disgusting, he was in love with you after all. 

Jake

Cuddlebug. As long as he gets to cuddle you like a teddy bear, he is a happy boy. You could be dressed in whatever, an overall, nothing, a dress… he doesn’t care as long as he can cuddle you. “Ohhh, (Y/n) you look good. Now come here, I wanna cuddle!” Jake was as excited as a golden retriever puppy when seeing a tennis ball. The second you get within arms reach, he will pull you down on the bed and he won’t let go until morning. It will get warm, so perhaps shorts would be better than sweatpants if you run warm. 

Sunghoon

Being a former ice skater, Sunghoon has seen a lot of people dressed in revealing clothing so in a way he was used to it. However, seeing the girl he was in love with dressed in a sports bra and sweatpants, made him blush. He wasn’t much of a cuddler when sleeping but this day, he couldn’t help himself from embracing you in a tight hug. Just knowing that you felt comfortable enough to be seen this way around him made him incredibly happy and giddy inside. “I love you,” “I love you too, Sunghoon,” It was the first time those words were spoken between Sunghoon and you as you lay in bed cuddled close together.

Sunoo

“Are you sure you won’t be cold? What if I move and steal the blanket?” “Sunoo, you lay on the edge of the bed not moving most of the time, it’s more likely that I steal the blanket from you than the other way around,” “Alright then… Btw, is it really comfortable sleeping in a bra? I’ve heard that it isn’t, would it be better with something else? Like one of my t-shirts or something?” Sunoo would be more concerned over your comfort than anything. He didn’t find it awkward or weird, as long as you were comfortable and didn’t get sick. 

Jungwon

Cuddlebug #2. Jungwon is very excited to finally spend a full night with you. Cuddling, talking, cuddling, just enjoying each other’s presence. He did squeal and blush when you came out of the bathroom in a sports bra and a pair of his sweatpants, the sleepover had been a bit spontaneous so you weren’t really prepared. “Are you sure you don’t want one of my hoodies or t-shirts?” “Yes, Jungwon, I’m sure. I usually sleep in this but, you know, with my sweatpants,” “Oh, nice. We should buy matching colors so it’s like matching pajamas” The squeal wasn’t because of the bra, nope, it was because you were wearing his sweatpants. He barely even noticed the bra until his eyes traveled from the pants to your eyes.

Niki

Cuddlebug #2. He may have stopped cuddling his older members, but you? Oh no, you’re his personal teddy bear. The first time he saw you coming out of the bathroom in a sports bra and sweatpants, he blushed a bit and felt a little nervous but he quickly got over it as he imagined how nice it would be to cuddle with a little more skin contact for that extra warmth. It also gave him opportunities to joke around and tickle you a little. He’s young but he knows what boundaries are, if you don’t want anything more than just hugs that’s fine with him. 

[kebriones]

Every time i think my rabbit is going to die when he gets sick and every time he pulls through. He doesn't understand words but maybe he knows when I tell him dying from tummy ache isn't how he should go.

I was really losing heart today and decided to give him a break from massaging and making him run and trying to make him eat. I left him alone for a bit while I went for my driving class. he was really struggling all morning, I was certain he had some sort of blockage in his gut. And he managed to get the blockage out all by himself while I was away. This is his most risky season because the shedding and the heat makes him not move around or eat enough and it makes his gut slow down and eventually things can get impacted in there. At his age, his GI system is slower anyway.

He's happily eating now but he's not completely okay, he was pretty close to stasis and it does take him a few days to be normal again but I'm confident he's out of danger once again.

He's for real such a weird rabbit though. He doesn't chew on stuff, but he does like moving everything around to his liking, so I've had to tie important things around my room with wire. He's not neutered but he's never, ever, in his entire life, exhibited any type of behavior that intact make rabbits do. He's never been aggressive either. My brother and I's theory is that he's asexual or he's reached some sort of rabbit enlightenment. Also he doesn't like fruits and sweet stuff and treats. He wants only the cheap pellets. He's never been fussy about eating his hay. And it's not like he was from a reputable breeder, he was literally one of those baby rabbits being sold at the side of the road, that I felt an immediate connection to and i made a 2 second decision on. Even back then I did it because i thought he was going to die and I felt like giving him at least a couple days of nice life. He was tiny and hiding in a corner and almost unresponsive from probably being hungry and dehydrated and weened too soon. Within a week at home with nothing but fresh leafy greens and flowers and hay he was the bounciest healthiest rabbit ever.

Anyway long post to say I love my rabbit so much and he's going to live forever unless he decides he's bored of me and ascends to whatever higher plane of existence he came from. Unless i one day give into the cute aggression and squeeze him to death.

[utilitycaster]

In the most recent CR episode I found it really interesting (and really concerning) that it Laudna's truth about wanting Bells Hells to ripcord out of saving the world came hot on the heels of Imogen's truth about not wanting to save the gods

Idk it could just be me, but it seemed like her truth was just another attempt to placate Imogen's moral confusion, while simultaneously pushing those things back onto the whole group

All it makes me think of is the fanon and 4SD discussions about Imogen and Laudna retiring to a farm and living happily ever after. What are either of their reasons for remaining with Bells Hells at this point, if their truths are that they don't want to save the world?

See, that actually seemed fine to me! Fearne had earlier admitted she felt they were ill-equipped for the job and likely to fail, so it's not just them who feel it, and honestly I think that Laudna's confession was one of the more valid ones that I hope get unpacked. Fjord and Jester made a very similar admission to each in both episode 72 and episode 118 of Campaign 2, of "hey, wouldn't it be nice if we just ran away somewhere quiet and never had to deal with this again" and I think that having that admission and then finding a way forward anyway is a really great moment. I didn't write at length about how Orym's "but we have to work together and do this" has also been a really big factor in the party's dysfunction because I covered a lot of that in my discussion of how he handles his own grief well and the grief and pain of others very badly, but honestly it's good that Fearne and Laudna are getting to "we don't have to do this, this was always thrust upon us because an old guy brought us to a cool orc who hired us to look into some stuff and in the process found out that the comparatively small-time political crook was tangentially involved in a a vast cosmic death cult conspiracy that several of our parents are also involved with."

My issue with Imogen is that she literally said two episodes ago she's never prayed and now she's claiming the gods never listened to her, as well as that her reasoning is the horrifyingly self-absorbed "they don't love her", but I actually think it's fine if this party does not wish to save the gods on the grounds of "we feel underqualified and overwhelmed and like we've been at the mercy of many (mortal) masters with no time to pursue our own interests." And I think that Laudna didn't force this specific thing on the rest of the party; she said they could all ripcord, but didn't say who should do it or who felt that way or force them into agreement.

I've talked about the campaign's earlier pacing at length and I don't want to revisit it at length because it evened out, but more so than any other party, Bells Hells has rarely had self-directed adventures. That's a big reason why they're such a mess; they didn't need to develop the tools to come to consensus because Eshteross or Ryn or Keyleth would give them tasks, so we never actually have delved particularly deeply into what most of the party members want to be doing, which is why we're here with this group that's mostly stuck together because they've had jobs to do. I think acknowledging that is an important step, because the task at hand (scouting on Ruidus) is in my opinion within their abilities, but they've been pushed and pushed and have finally reached a point where they can't just keep going. (This by the way is the underlying premise of this post; this is the fundamental reality of Bells Hells as a party. If you like that the most then hell yeah, but a lot of people who claim to love C3 are blaming the entire plot of the campaign for why the party is a mess which is like, so you like the premises of these characters and dislike the vast majority of the actual story in which they exist, and you really just want the story of Campaign 1 or Campaign 2 but Ashton is there.)

With that said though, I do agree that's kind of at the core of Imogen and Laudna. They're so insular, and that's been claimed as a feature, not a bug, for much of the fanon of that relationship. Like, I think Laudna is valid for this specific statement, but unlike Fjord and Jester, who had established in through the course of the campaign both deep ties to each of the rest of the Mighty Nein and a profound sense of responsibility in general, I find myself wondering why Imogen and Laudna don't go off and live in a cottage together and leave the rest of the party to handle this. I mean, Imogen is also impossibly tied up in the fate of Ruidus, but she dithers about the approach so much I wonder why she doesn't decide that perhaps she should stay out of it altogether and retire to that cottage with Laudna until it's all over.

Personally, my thought is that Imogen does in fact secretly like being the special Ruidusborn Exaltant On The Other Side, especially since she's realized her mother wasn't that (as she had hoped). I agree with the fairly common opinion that Imogen and Ashton are in many ways extremely similar people, but whereas Ashton just got a very brutal wake up call of "your parents did fuck up and you're not built different and your desperate attempt to be something special could have hurt everyone" Imogen is still out here going full Javert on everyone's personal thoughts. So I suspect she won't ripcord out in the end, and therefore Laudna won't. But I do think it's valid for Laudna to bring up, and indeed, one of the many things that would make great progress in fixing this party dynamic would be Laudna independently expressing her own needs some more instead of being Imogen's Yes-Woman or projecting her own desires onto other people as I suspect she's doing with Fearne and the shard.

[thathomestar]

dragon's dogma 2 thoughts so far, roughly 7 hours in:

out in the field, performance is mostly fine. it dips for me sometimes but it stays around 60 fps for the most part. being in the big city is rough, there's like 150 npcs all walking around doing their own thing and it makes the game chug, on my pc it drags it down to 30 fps average, sometimes 20 fps at the lowest points. they really need to clean that up.

i've just been playing fighter so far, and i'm enjoying the new combat system. it feels a lot looser than dd1, the soft lockon from dd1 is even softer. getting staggered and stunlocked by enemies is a real threat, you take much longer to recover from getting knocked over than you did in dd1. the revamped heavy attack button being more used for dealing decisive high damage hits on staggered or stunned enemies is such a good idea.

they swapped the buttons for block and special sword attacks and that kept throwing me off at first lol. perfect parry timing feels about the same as it did in dd1. you can actually use your heavy attack while mounting a monster without instantly jumping off, it's great. my pawn is an archer and honestly i think she does more dps than me sometimes, she's come in clutch so many times already.

the main kicker i've been feeling is the how they treat your health pool. in dd1 you could just spam consumables to cure your health back to maximum at any time, but they've changed how it works here in dd2. now, whenever you take damage, you lose a tiny bit of your max hp. whether a mage casts a heal or you drink a potion, you can't get all the way back up to full until you rest at an inn or a campsite. so now you play a longer-term game of "do i go find a camp and rest to full or do i go fight this ogre at 50% max hp". i enjoy being stupid so i tend to not rest until i absolutely have to lol.

you can actually preview which vocations have what augments now, which saves a trip opening up a browser and searching for that info. you do have to unlock warrior and sorcerer as well as the other new vocations, but warrior and sorcerer was literally "go to a cave, kill some goblins, get the stolen weapons back, ok you're good to go now". took like 30 mins after reaching the big city.

i have encountered every single microtransaction item within the first 5 hours of playing. they mostly either cost gold or rift crystals, and are relatively cheap. i got a camping kit for free for reaching the first oxcart. i got the harpy lure for free by helping a random person out and about. i've gotten four wakestones already. the microtransactions are stupid and so obviously mandated by some dinosaur executive but you're an even bigger moron if you think any of this stuff is meaningful or locked-off content.

uhh what else. turning your lantern on and off is nice and quick. your pawns actually talk amongst each other now. i don't know how different the inclination system is yet so i don't know if doing the d-pad pawn commands changes them. those commands seem to actually work properly now though. ran away from a fight and told my pawns "to me!" and they actually disengaged the fight and ran with me, so that's nice. don't like the music as much as the first game so far, we'll see how it fares once i actually fight a monster bigger than a cyclops.

[so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed]

2024 writing self evaluation

1. List of works published this year:

In order of posting, these are the 10 fics I published:

January: and right from the start

April: and so I have to say (before I go)

July: I'd rather you (hold me)

August: home with you

September: something told me it was you, 'til I let go of this moment, and in those rare moments, circling the truth October: on the threshold of eternity

November: I've drowned and dreamt this moment

I've published 74,813 words this year, and I have written 66,768 words this year.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

That has to be my @onedirectionbigbang that I worked on with @whatagreatproblemtohave [who is my artist again for next year, I am so excited!!]. I really struggled with this fic but I managed to get it done and published, and the art is incredible.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Somehow also the same fic, just because it was a struggle to write and I'm still remembering that struggle too well to really reread the fic and be proud of it. But I'm sure that moment will come!

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

“I’m so sorry about your penis.”

Zayn regrets the words the moment they come out of his mouth and he makes a strangled noise, gulping down the one beer that he’s allowing himself to have, because they came in third for the team final and he’s supposed to celebrate. He’s told himself that he would approach Liam if he’d medaled, but even though the bronze is an amazing feat and he should be over the moon - nevermind that he will always nitpick and wonder why they hadn’t been able to clinch the gold instead - he just feels sad at the thought that Liam’s Olympic dream is over, just like that.

Liam raises an eyebrow, snorts into his own cup. “At least I made headlines,” he says, and Zayn lifts his head to look at him, because he sounds light but there’s pain in his eyes. “Pole vaulter’s Olympic dream shattered by his own penis.”

Zayn wants to giggle, not at the joke but because there’s something nervous bubbling up in his stomach that he can’t swallow down. He doesn’t think it will make Liam feel any better though. Might make him think he’s making fun of him, which is the last thing he wants. “It’s shit,” he offers, and Liam gives him a faint sort of smile.

“It is. I’m sure I’ll be able to laugh at it at some point, but-” he shrugs a shoulder, “it’s sort of humiliating, isn’t it? Aside from the fact that I literally cockblocked my chances of a medal, and it’s another four years until I can redeem myself, it’s also a pretty shitty feeling that everyone is talking about my penis.”

Zayn cringes. “I’m so sorry,” he says quietly. “I wasn’t gonna like, say it like that. I just-” he thinks of the bronze, of the applause and the way he’d felt this afternoon. Of how on top of the world he’d been, full of confidence for his individual events. “I know how much it sucks, and I just wanted to offer like, I don’t know.”

“Your condolences?”

Zayn hums. “You know I tore my ACL in my first Olympics. I mean, maybe you don’t know, you weren’t there in Rio. I just mean, I know what it’s like to have your dream within reach, and then it’s just taken away, because your body betrays you.”

Liam’s face softens, a slight dusting of rose on his cheeks. “Sorry,” he says quietly, “I shouldn’t have assumed that you meant to poke fun at me. No one even has, today. They’ve all been perfectly nice. So bloody nice that I can’t stand it, actually.”

“I could take you to see Louis,” Zayn suggests, and that prompts a laugh.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

After October, when everything was dark, a few people reread one of my all time favourite fics. This review was left on it, and it hit me so incredibly hard, but it also reminds me why I will keep writing:

And I know what happened in October is so not the same thing as this story, but it felt so eerily close that I couldn’t help but sit in that dream where someone DID do something, and the 2024 imagined here turned out to be a bit closer to reality. Man, I don’t even know. For a few hours I got to believe that what was permanently destroyed could be rebuilt again. 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly, this entire year. I've had months where I wasn't able to write, which barely happened last year. I wrote 50,000 words less than last year, and in June/July my personal life kicked me in the balls so hard that I was just done. I really wanted to give up on writing, but @lululawrence convinced me to give wordplay one more go. Thank you my darling, I am so grateful.

Then, of course, we all know what happened in October. I texted a friend of mine about it, saying I wasn't sure I'd be able to write. Their response was something along the lines of, we weren't able to help him in real life, but we are able to give him happier lives and endings in our stories. It's what I intend to do.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I don't actually remember, but I do remember that I left some comments on my own docs that were essentially just '????' and 'I didn't plan this'.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I think I mainly grew in my judgment of myself, in the sense that I didn't feel like I had to write when I truly wasn't able to. I put less pressure on myself this year, and though the amount of fics I published and the amount of hits/kudos/comments I received have definitely gotten less than last year (it's about 30% of last year), I've learned to care less about it. At the end of the day, I write for me, and I write for those few that take something from it, that might feel comforted by my words or that learn something from it about themselves.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

At this point, I just hope to keep writing and keep enjoying writing.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

In the past few weeks @evilovesyou has been invaluable, we've plotted out some fics together which has helped me a lot in being able to make the most of my limited writing time. @lululawrence, as I've said before, helped me to keep writing. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention my lovely @beardyboyzx who is the best sounding board ever.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

I'm actually not entirely sure!

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

It's okay to take breaks. It's okay if writing is hard and it's not for you right now. While it can be a relaxing thing, something you do in your down time, it's still not the same as taking a break, and sometimes you just need time off from doing anything productive.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I'm currently working on my @zaynsalbumsficfest which is due far too soon. And I'm about 10k into my @onedirectionbigbang which I'm very excited about, because ya girl is back on her fantasy worlds kick!

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

I love everyone who wants to do this, so please feel free to say that I've tagged you even if I haven't. But I will tag @reminiscingintherain @beardyboyzx @voulezloux and @lululawrence

[rataticaisdreaming]

day 2 - fusion @intrualityweek

Summary: When Remus and Patton can’t stop fighting, the mind decides to give them a chance to be in each other's shoes.

Pairing: Platonic Intruality (he/him for both)

Word Count: 1397

Warnings: Verbal fights / Hurt/Comfort / Intrusive thoughts / Remus being Remus / Cursing / Mention of sex

“Those are awful things, Remus! You should think of more cheerful… innocent stuff!"

"Oh yeah, because everyone wants to live in Care-A-Lot, daddy-o."

It has been like this for weeks now. Patton getting more and more distressed at Remus’ outbursts, which have been more common ever since the last major issue Thomas faced. Their fights seemed personal and within their own bubble, seeing as they were right next to each other. Janus and Roman had no problem ignoring them, it was so childish and unnecessary that not even Virgil was affected by this. It was getting annoying though. Once everyone left those two to bicker alone, Patton frowned and sank down to his room. The duke was so unsettling! It wasn't so difficult to keep your thoughts to yourself and keep things nice and decent.

Throwing himself to the stuffie filled couch, he reached for an old blanket and his Tender Heart teddy bear. A wave of sadness filled him, tears silently fell from his cheeks into the blanket he was holding so close. Everything felt like too much.

He hated arguments so much. The loud voices and negative feelings made him feel so small and overwhelmed. The need to just get out, get out, get out. How he closed his eyes and just prayed the tears wouldn't come out, this is not the time for big emotions. He just wanted to hide and make the feelings go away.

━

Well, fuck him. There he goes again with his big mouth and inability to just shut the fuck up!

No one wants to hear you anyways.

He is trying! He really is! Just spit out the mild ones so his head guts will be at ease until he comes back to his room. That’s exactly what he did… then why was today so difficult?!

You were never meant to be one of them.

And why the fuck is his brain not shutting the fuck up?! He just wanted some rest for God's sake.

You should impale yourself with the bed's wooden poles. 

Just get in a onesie, what if you get tangled up and suffocate?

Get in bed and under the blankets, you should have hate sex with the others.

Hug your emotional support octopus stuffie and feel them hug you back… oh, the ways they could crush you to death.

Just close your eyes… It will be okay in the morning.

Except it won't be. It will be this over, and over, and over again until you die. Alone and in pain and no one will care about you…

━

"We need Patton. It's clear to me this issue needs his emotional expertise."

A quick hand gesture is all Logan needed to make the moral side rise in his spot. Eyes shut tight and in clear distress, softly bouncing on his heels.

"Sorry kiddo, your old man just needed a little rest. Felt more tired than a hooker after an orgy."

What… in the world?

The room falls silent and everyone is suddenly looking at him. Roman and Virgil look at each other stunned, eyes so big they seem ready to pop out. Janus scoffs in disbelief, like he finally heard how much of a petty bitch he is. Logan adjusts his tie, looking down at the floor, maybe he’ll find his worth somewhere in the dust. Thomas looks like he just saw a puppy being shot in front of him. 

Wow, this little mind of his is not slowing down, is it?

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I didn't know why I said that… must be reaaally out of it! Maybe I just need some coffee and breakfast to get myself back on track." he said, awkwardly tiptoeing his way to the kitchen.

No one knew how to react to what just happened, so Roman spoke first.

“Maybe all that time with my brother is messing with him, speaking of him.” he said as he summoned Remus with an annoyed frown “Where is my copy of Princess and the Frog?”

Remus rose in his spot and stared at his twin like a deer in headlights, after a few seconds, he answered.

“I'm pretty sure I placed it back on the shelf.” he said, timidly hugging himself.

“Well, it's not there!”

The escalating tone made Remus flinch and look away, that seemed to be the wrong thing, because Roman spoke again.

“I swear in the holy name of Julie Andrews, Remus, if you did something to it…"

"I promise I didn't! I- I'm sure I placed it on the shelf, maybe I can help you find it! Just… Please lower your tone." 

Roman was taken back by his response, his brother looked on the verge of tears. He has never seen the duke express himself like that. Weirded out was an understatement,

Before he could say anything, Patton came back and…

"Well, I can safely say the dishwasher liquid does not, in fact, taste like lemon and oranges."

Something was wrong.

━

"You will not leave this couch until you figure out what happened, do I make myself clear?"

It had been ten minutes since Logan left them there. Ten full minutes of distressed bouncing on his seat, eyes shut as he tried his hardest not to voice his thoughts. After what felt like an hour, Patton couldn’t take it anymore.

"Remus, all these thoughts… are they yours?" he said in a small voice Remus barely heard. "They are horrible…"

“I know they are!” he yelled, causing Patton to flinch. Upon seeing the reaction, the creative side broke down.

"I hate all of this! It all feels like too much!”

Patton’s knowing smile made him feel warm and troubled. A question popped into his head. He scooched over a little bit and started to fidget with his sparkly sleeves.

“Do you feel like this all the time?"

Patton looked up and sighed.

"Mhm" 

"Do you get these thoughts all the time?"

Remus looked up with slightly red eyes.

"Yeah…"

"I never realized how much pain you were actually in… I thought you said those things to annoy us…" he started, receiving a soft laugh from the duke "But they are like a swarm! I need- I need them out!"

“Shh, it's okay. They will calm down, here, tug this string."

The moral side did with a tired hand, when he let go, a soft “quack” came out of nowhere. A tiny duck dropped from the air into his lap.

"Heh… And where did this little guy come from?"

“Little gift.”

A small giggle escaped from Patton’s lips and he changed his posture, visibly calmer and less tense. After working some courage, Remus decided to speak as well.

"I never knew you were feeling this much… It's suffocating. Every emotion feels fucking intense and it hurts! How do you live like this?"

"I just do… Comes with being the heart, I guess. My room helps me, it calms me down when it gets too much."

"Huh. Do you think I could… hang out there sometime?"

"Sure! Janus and Logan have been very insisting on the whole "finding a distraction" thing. We could do a puzzle together or watch a show."

"Yeah… I'd like that."

━

It has been like this for weeks now. Remus learning to use his inner voice, mindful of how loud noises impact the other’s emotions. Patton started to listen to Remus' ideas and ignored the ones that were plainly intrusive thoughts.

By the end of an afternoon discussion, they were already looking at each other in anticipation.

They sank down and arrived at Patton's living room. There was an unfinished puzzle on the coffee table as well as board game boxes laying on the side of it. Remus picked the neon green notebook and glitter pen and sat down next to the moral side.

They summoned popcorn, sodas and m&ms. Even some lemon slices for Remus. Whenever he got unwanted thoughts, he would write them down. Patton would hug his teddy bear, as a silent sign that they needed to slow down for a bit, when the emotions got too intense.

It was working for them. They also made a mental note to never anger the mind again. It would be fantastic to see Roman get all of Virgil's anxiety, but Remus was a good brother and decided to write that thought down for now.

[kuu-stuff]

13th February 2025

There is a period that comes back every few months where I kind of drift away. The end of the year/start of the next is always brutal on this regard, I overwork myself in October, then spend a month relaxing where I start noticing my art mistakes more then the next one I try desperately to improve my level but I just can't reach the skills I want so I feel frustrated, then in January I take commissions and they often overlap on February. And now I'm just so tired. I feel like I haven't drawn for pleasure in a while and it drives me away from my tablet. It's always nice to work on commissions but it's certainly not the right season for it and I take too many of them. I can't really work freely on anything until I finish them all, or it makes me feel bad for making my clients wait. But at the same time, my motivation is just dropping down day by day. Right now I still have 5 commissions to work on, and not small ones. And all this puts me in automatic drive and I just kind of work on my commissions then play video games and I don't think about anything and stop writing in my diary or work on my projects. Usually it helps to start new ones, since my current ones are kind of out of my mind at that time, but then it just gives me more work for the rest of the year. I'll try to start finishing what I can this year. I think I'll erase "Here, within reach" since that whole scenario will start in the main series soon and that one gets a lot of hate for some reason and it kind of demotivates me on Contained itself. I should try to finish "Remnants of our memories" since it's a shorter story. I want to redo the last part, I really didn't like how it end up looking like and it makes me feel like I broke the perfection of it. I'm coming to a part of Contained where I need to rewrite some scenes but the next part will be very short and it's the first thing I'll work on after I finish the next 2 commissions. Then, oh well, I'll see. Until then I'll try to work on my essay on Silas in between each commissions steps to keep me sane. ✰✶✰✶✰✶✰✶✰✶✰✶✰ Those last months were so empty and annoying that I have nothing to say even. Oh, right, I started "Cherished Nightmares" since last time. I started it on a whim, as always. I wanted to make it into a black and white more manga-esque quick series like "Remnants of our memories" but I ended up coloring it so it doesn't take me less time at all... I did change the format tho, I thought that it's nice to have at least once comic that could be printable. Tho I made each pictures a bit too big, the writings too, but so if you ever want to print it at home, having 2 pages on each side will be well readable. Paper saving. On the concept, I classified it as horror/drama. I'd have chosen psychological if I had the option. I certainly shouldn't spoil but I was heavily inspired by the video on time travel rendering you inhuman, as well as the again and again music. I had similar scenarios in my mind but I went for something more painful. As always the character has no self-esteem and want to save a character she loves. More as a sacrifice than hoping to ever being with him. The issue is that it's way harder than it seems and no matter what she tries, she can't find a way to do it and of course she blames herself. Feeling guilty, trapped in a world where she doesn't belong, trying to save someone she believes would hate her, she spiral further into insanity. Will it have a good ending ? I'm not sure yet. That's what "This time I can share it with you" is for after all.

[hapiruproject]

Devlog 1: UI

Henrietta here with the first proper(ish) devlog for our yuri horror VN Hapiru, honestly we probably should have started doing this waaay back when we first started showing our designs off on bluesky but it didn't feel as real until now you know? And I'm mostly doing these here for practice anyway.

I think once we're closer to the demo being released, or right after it I should probably get into the weeds of what went into the story, all of the discarded first drafts and influences worth mentioning, but for now we have the UI to talk about! Whooo! (I'm genuinely excited).

Honestly, it took a lot less time and effort to choose our aesthetic than I thought it would, like, it's a big deal right? The textbox is one of those semi invisible things that nonetheless helps determines the vibe of the entire work, and I was coming into it after just reading about how the entire UI could be the thing that pulls all of the art and writing together or tears it all apart, so you know that the default renpy look just would not do for our demo.

But no actually, we just sat down for a night to discuss and look around at what could or couldn't be done in renpy, and the programmer just looked at all of the art we've made so far and asked if cardboard would look good.

So I thought about it, grabbed literally the first stock image of torn cardboard I could find and hopped onto the same app I use to make all of the other art I'm responsible with and I whipped up the following using stuff we already had in like, less than 10 minutes.

Fig 1. the very first mockup made for Hapiru's UI, ignore the outlines on the characters, we wanted to see what a more paper cut out look would feel like but I liked the characters blending in more.

Looks neat right? Obviously there were a lot of problems with it still, the font was still sorta just a whatever default and it obviously did not match the way the stock image curved, and y'know, there weren't any menu buttons which is a big deal!

But it showed us that it could work really well, and that was enough to iterate on it further.

Fig 2. Second mockup, this time testing the markerlike font we ended up using as the main font.

Fig 3. Final mockup after the initial attempt at implementing the pictures the programmer took into renpy bumped into readability issues. I ended up splicing together all of the ones they took into this collage and gave her the splice for final tweaking and implementation after she decided she liked the look.

And after all that, and a lot of work on the programmer's part we ended up with this beauty, which we're hopefully sticking with from now on.

Looks really nice right? I think it pulls everything together real well, she did a great job trimming the image and actually getting the text to look right.

I wish I had more to say about it really, you know when I showed it to some of my friends/volunteer A&B testers one of them pointed out that they loved the cardboard look because it really makes you think of the zombie apocalypse right?

Like it was some sort of a final warning scrawled onto whatever's left within reach, and it really made me think, 'God I wish I had thought of that myself actually, now I can't say that's why I came up with it later damnit'.

But really, I just pushed for it pretty hard after the programmer's initial fleeting suggestion because it just felt right somehow, like collage originated as a purely physical art form right? This felt like something you'd do with the rest of the cereal box once you cut out the little mascot on the front.

PS. The Programmer had this to say about the project "As someone who enjoys piecing together constructions out of disparate parts, the aesthetic of Hapiru paired with the story makes for an extremely engaging project to work with." (Yes I triggered their corpospeech instincts...)

[eddiemunsonswhxre]

where have i been?

an update for those curious.

hey there my loves, long time no see.

i’m not sure how many of you will actually read this or care to see why i haven’t written in over a year now but typing this stuff out helps me process and get back into my groove.

well, today is january 16, 2024. the last thing i posted that was an actual one shot was posted on january 3, 2023. i haven’t written since. 2023 was my worst year yet and caused me to learn a lot about people and myself.

things were going alright in the beginning, i was in my second semester of college and my biggest problem was 2 of my 3 roommates (lived in a quad) hated each other so me and my bestie/3rd roommate had to play mediator and it was exhausting. i started liking a guy and got my hopes up. and i started to get more and more annoyed with school and my living situation every day. i was ecstatic to move out of that room despite hating my hometown. the day of move out, one of my roommates who i thought was someone very close to me blocked me and all of our friends on everything with no explanation but we knew she wasn’t coming back for 23-24.

i like where i grew up for a maximum of a week at a time, after that my depression just kicks my ass and im not having a great time. my plan for the summer was to work my ass off so much so that i wouldn’t have time to think of anything else. that backfired, because a few days after i came home one of my two jobs fell through unexpectedly and my other job was giving me less than half the hours they promised me. i was broke. everyone says it’s so easy to get a job these days because everyone is hiring but i applied to over ten places within a reasonable distance from me and didn’t get a single one. so i spent too much time with myself and that’s not normally a good thing.

to make matters even worse, in june my mom was sentenced to three years in prison for a crime she committed back in 2020. i don’t want to get into too many specifics, but my mom would never harm anyone she just has struggled with addiction. my mom was my constant emotional support, and knowing she was no longer going to be around ripped me to shreds. not even a month later after my mom was shipped off to prison, my dog died. and i know you might think “dogs die all the time it’s a pet.” but my dog was much more than that. she wasn’t even three years old and was a beautiful great pyrenees german shepard mix and she was the sweetest girl ever. i don’t care how ridiculous it sounds, because i know my soul and hers were meant to be together. i was even in the process of registering her as an emotional support animal so i could take her to college with me because she was finally old enough and for the most part out of the puppy phase. but one night out of nowhere she got really sick and within an hour of her showing signs something was wrong she died while i was holding her. not the greatest thing for a 19 year old who’s already struggling to experience. it took my over a month to stop seeing her like that every time i closed my eyes. call me dramatic, but that dog really was a child to me.

after that, i went to stay with my cousin for a few weeks and that was nice but i still knew i wasn’t feeling right. i moved back to school in august and had way too high of hopes that everything would fix itself. surprise, it didn’t. in fact, i just got worse. i reached lows i haven’t hit in over two years. i was having roommate problems, i was trying to do way too much at once, and i was neglecting my health. i had a breakdown.

the highlight of my semester was taking a week off to visit my best friend since age 2 for her birthday (she lives roughly a 2 hour plane ride away from me now) with our other two best friends. then i came back and immediately totaled my car. my car was a piece of shit yes, but it got me places. not having a car when you’re a person who drives around to destress is not fun. i was even worse mentally at this point and i was trying so so hard to get into my overbooked doctor to get my medications raised. the only constant i had were my three friends at school and my studies. so i threw myself into them. i was never alone and if i was i was nose deep in a text book. i was just avoiding the rest of my existence. i was able to get my meds upped and decided i was done wallowing. i started a diet that is actually manageable and enjoyable and discovered for the first time workouts that i actually liked doing. it was something small, but i knew i was turning myself around.

i went home for winter break knowing it was going to be tough. i also had to spend this time looking for a new car. it was an extremely stressful process to say the least. but i focused on myself, taking all the time for myself that i needed and processing everything that had made me get to such a bad place. i’ve always been very spiritual, so i dove more into that as well as trusting the universe.

i’ve decided that 2024 will be my best year yet. i got a new car, im getting a new job, im doing great in school, my mom is getting released from prison literally six hours after i post this, and im taking care of myself in more ways than one. while doing a lot of that reflecting, i remembered how much i used to love to write and how that passion just died after loving it since i was ten. i started small, doing short story exercises and getting into reading again. i finally, after an entire year, have my passion for writing back.

i can’t promise i’ll be consistent with uploads because i’ve decided that my goal for the year is to write a novel. so that project is going to be my main focus and it isn’t anything fanfic related, it’s actually a psychological thriller. more than likely i will be asking for opinions on here throughout the year as well.

with that said, my plans this year for this blog are to keep posting. eddie munson is mainly who i write for, but i want to expand my horizons. i want to challenge myself with genres and types of characters. i will greatly appreciate any requests you can give and i promise i will read through them. if i don’t post them right away, just know it may come out three months later. sometimes inspiration sparks at weird times.

if you’ve read this far, thank you. i hope this can inspire you to see that there’s light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes you’ve gotta dig the extra dirt to it yourself. beyond thankful to anyone who was here a year ago and has come back to read my new stuff- you made an aspiring writer really proud of herself.

much much love

-eddiemunsonswhxre 🤍

[welcometololaland]

Howe do you get the characterisation of the characters you write about soo well? Like legit was reading the ring in (again) and that was a huge take away I got. Like “man, this IS Carlos and TK” same with your firstprince fics. What’s your secret? 👀

Hey, anon. This was super nice and very unexpected, so thank you for making my night <3

Truthfully, I can't articulate this well, so I'm sorry if it seems a bit scattered. A lot of my characterisation comes from me scheming up scenes in the shower, literally zoning out and thinking of dialogue as if the characters are being acted out in front of me. I do have some tips that work for me (and I hope are helpful for you!) which I've put below. Please feel free to let me know if you need further clarification!

Also, if anyone else has any tips, feel free to contribute. I'd love to hear them :)

TIP 1: For Lone Star (or any visual media - TV/movies), I'd spend a LOT of time re-watching the scenes, observing character's mannerisms and trying to replicate that in and amongst the dialogue (you don't even want to KNOW how many times I've watched Tarlos compilations - it's sickening). I think a LOT can be achieved with visual cues - for example, TK loves that sassy hand he whips out every now and again - and I'll try and build those things in with my dialogue. THIS IS ALSO WHERE GIF MAKERS ARE SO AMAZING, because GIFs provide snippets of scenes which allow writers to really hone in on a character's micro expressions. Carlos loves to raise an eyebrow, for example. I think these little details can go a long way.

TIP 2: It helps to build in familiar phrases. I love a canon callback (as long as it fits within the scene) and I think they can be super useful in adding extra authenticity. For example, one I used recently was Alex's "cool to see you're not dead or anything." It's a canon line, which can be easily applied to a different context. It just adds that extra flair, because you KNOW that the character would say that. I would just caution you to use them sparingly, so they pack that extra punch.

TIP 3: Read widely in the fandom! I think it helps to get a really good understanding of how characters behave by developing your own sense of what is in character. If you really vibe with how an author is portraying a character, make note of why you feel that way and try and apply it (obviously without plagiarism) in your own way.

TIP 4: Ask for (gentle and constructive) feedback from people you trust, if you feel comfortable enough to do so. I am FOREVER grateful to some of the people I've met in fandom who have been able to guide me with sensing what is/isn't out of character. It doesn't even need to be a full beta read. It could be quite simply: 'hey, do you think X would do this?'. Don't be afraid to reach out! I am so open to helping people with this and I know a lot of other people are too.

TIP 5: This might be a bit weird, but I do this because I am not an American and I write for a lot of American media - I spend a lot of time trying to visualise how a certain character would say something in their accent. It's taken me a long time to learn certain Americanisms and I'm sure I still get a lot of them wrong, but sometimes I literally close my eyes and try and imagine Ronen saying a line I've written, in his accent.

TIP 6: Keep writing the characters!!! The more you do it, the better you will get. I'm even looking back at some writing I did in early 2022 and trying to fix a bit of my characterisation, which just shows how much it has changed even in 1.5 years!

Best of luck and thank you so much for being so kind. I hope these are helpful!