#tho…my therapist did say last week that. this year. particularly The Mess as I affectionately call it. would’ve been hard on anyone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

void-tiger · 1 year ago

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Yeah. The difference between whether I have my head back or feel like I’m trying to work around a festering pearl is whether or not I feel safe and secure and accepted and worth the trouble. It isn’t even the depth and frequency, apparently. It’s security and whether or not either I can truly make myself choose to trust someone or they fight to earn my trust back as many times as it takes with my own personal history and environment mucking things up

But yeah. It’s good to have a clear head again.

#tiger’s roar #mucked up attatchment ftw…#tho…my therapist did say last week that. this year. particularly The Mess as I affectionately call it. would’ve been hard on anyone #and yeah. I am choosing to believe someone’s trying to look out for me and help me heal #vs someone else breaking my trust yet again #because…it fits what I know just as well and let me have this okay?#but…yeah. having someone actually defend me. actually tell people to apologize or reconcile. actually soothe and reassure repeatedly #that…look. I needed that. I’ve only had online and a handful of longdistance friends stick around and reassure me. as an adult #never here. never irl. not until this guy and his sister and their parents #I needed friends’ parents to actually love and accept ME and yeah. reconcile when I got seriously hurt by something they did #just as much as I needed her to stick around. and him to reassure and defend me #…granted…this is stuff I’ve been trying to do for months #make sure they all feel safe and accepted #but…I really can’t say I’ve ever had this returned before. well. not irl #I always have to be so tightly in control which in turn gets me very high strung like a guitar tuned too tight #and that’s just to have people as aquaintences #which the dad especially has been trying to get through to me that I don’t need to do that #but…it just takes me a long time to trust. I need it proved. I need to not be an obligation or pitied.#but…I think I can finally believe them. and accept things as they are

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