#tho probably adulting responsibilities will be overwhelming and stressful in a different way but i hope it's ol

[delicatetaysversion]

im so excited that i want to go rn!!!!!!!!

[izzy-b-hands]

On mobile so I can't put a read more, but I'm going to try and tag well--I need to vent. ----------- So today has been the worst day dealing with my mom in awhile. Like we've been in an okay patch where she hasn't been giving so many mixed messages and orders, but that came roaring back today for some reason. It starts out crappy because we head to my tattoo appointment, but my artist was sick and had to reschedule (though please note I'm not mad at him in any way, I'm glad he was going home rather than suffering sick thru work, because I know how much that sucks no matter what your job is. It just made me sad that I wasn't getting tattooed today and those appointments are like spa days for me.) Before we left for the shop though, she was super pissy and generally making me not want her there at the appointment because I didn't want her bugging my artist or being fussy at having to wait for my appointment to be over (which she's done at past tattoo appointments that I did offer to go to alone by getting a cab or taking the bus.) Anyway, after the tattoo shop we decide to go run a quick shopping trip, and our interactions go down hill. We're both struggling financially right now, but I've been buying a lot for the both of us the past week. But she asks me to get this trip, so I say yes because it won't do any good to say no. Then we get there and she's grabbing extra stuff not on our list, half assedly asking if it's okay even when the thing is in the cart and we're eight aisles away already--like, I'm not gonna argue and say no at that point, cause she'd just get pissy. The store was busy too, so we were both starting to get upset in general. Now, I will note that my fragile emotional state today wasn't all due to her. The whole 'you're still stuck at a shitty job in ND and haven't totally gotten your writing off the ground' thing has been hitting hard for a couple weeks, but especially today. But I wasn't complaining or bugging her with it, I was just trying to ignore those feelings. At the end of it she's rude to the teen cashier, (she knows that behavior is something I don't tolerate), but we get to the car. I offer to buy lunch out from a place we both like because at that point I was more treating myself than her. Like, I'm on the verge of emotionally overwhelmed tears in the car from the day and stuff building up for weeks and she's just hopping cause she gets her fav food. I was literally crying (quietly though) as we left the parking lot and she keeps going on about what sandwich she's getting. At first I thought she didn't notice, but then she looks over and goes "Oh," and that's it. So she noticed, and normally would at least be like, "hey, you're crying, is everything okay?" Not at that moment. In the drive through I started crying more, because I honestly couldn't help it (that hasn't stopped either, I'm on like my tenth cry of the day right now) and then she finally showed concern. I couldn't tell her anything she had done to cause it (in the past that's earned me shouting and 'ungrateful brat' kind of comments that she swears later she didn't mean) but I did explain the wanting to move and earn my primary income from my art frustrations though, and she surprised me by being kind and supportive. I thought we were okay then and the day would be okay. Wrong. We eat, she decides to nap cause she was getting a headache, I decide to play GTA V for an hour or two. The cat wakes her up in about that time (I tried to get Nish to let my mom sleep, but she wanted both her humans awake and wouldn't take any food or toys I offered.) Mom's mood is wildly different then. She's angry. She complains about clothes being ready to hang in the washer (I didn't see or hear her put them in, or I would have taken care of them) and goes to do that. I follow, and try to fix things by taking the basket and offering to help. As soon as we get in to the room we hang the clothes in to dry, she's even angrier. First I'm taking the dry clothes down too slowly, then too quickly when I hang up wet ones in their place. Then I'm hanging the clothes wrong on the hanger. I tried for a bit to make it work, but she was ripping clothes out of my hand, tossing the laundry basket around, and pushing empty hangers to the floor in the same way an angry toddler would. So I get her the extra hangers from my room, hang up my dry clothes in my closet, and go back to my laptop in the living room, and turn it all off. That was the breaking point for me--I knew she'd be pissed at me next for playing a game (that's the usual cycle of these situations no matter what I'm doing--if I'm just sitting there doing nothing then I'm still doing something wrong) so I closed it down. Here comes the mixed messages. She asks when she goes back to the couch, suddenly really quietly, why I'm packing my stuff up. I tell her I have a headache and want to be in my room (partially true, though it isn't a bad enough headache that I'd go lie down) she acts sad, but let's me go and I leave trying to figure out her 360 emotional spin. Fast forward a few hours of me crying quietly in my room, panicking over how she might act for dinner and how even though my psychologist said to stand up for myself and call out her behavior and how she'd be totally pissed at me if I'd acted like she had all day I still can't bring myself to say anything because I'm afraid of my mom yelling when I do that. There's a quick, tense discussion on what to do for dinner a bit later, and dinner itself wasn't awful, just uncomfortable (in part because we had pizza and I had to eat all the pieces left, or she'd do her usual spiel about how I don't eat left overs fast enough so I shouldn't leave them, yet she can leave them because she's formally dieting and I'm not.) I try to go back to my room and she stops me. "Bye," she says in a voice equal parts sad and offended. Now, no matter what I'd done here would have been a problem. In past moments like this, there have been some where she guilted me to staying in the living room (but then acted nasty towards me if I fell asleep and didn't wake her up to help remind her to take out her contacts or get her to bed at a decent hour) and some where I've gone back to my room (and she'd pop in every couple of hours to ask if I still wasn't coming back out, glare at anything I might have on the floor, and sigh even when my room is clean--the issue I've found there is that it isn't clean in the way she'd clean it, so it pisses her off, no matter how much I try and clean 'her way' even when executive dysfunction makes it hard.) Tonight, I chose my room, which brings us to now. She already popped in once, as I was typing so I had to hide my iPad so she wouldn't see this post. I already know she'll have fallen asleep in the living room, so I can't fall asleep yet in case she doesn't wake up by ten or elevenish on her own to go into her bedroom. And I get her headache might be making her feel like shit, but here's the rub-- We've been having these moments and situations since I was four. I know everyone has days where they act shitty cause they don't feel well, but why does she expect me to just ignore her on those days when she never lets me have a day like that. If I acted how she did today, she'd have yelled and been angry with me (even tho she stresses now how we're just as much roommates as mom and kid since I'm an adult, so we should treat each other more like roommates.) I was the one who was gracious and asked my artist if he was okay to check out my healing before he left (which he happily did, and he said he was glad I let him check because it showed responsibility as a tattoo owner that he doesn't always see) while she whined that we shouldn't have to pay for the visit and embarrassed the hell out of me (they didn't charge because we didn't tattoo today, and none of the artists at the shop have ever said they'd charge for a literal 'roll up your sleeve for two minutes and let me look' thing, tho I think they probably could and should--I'm willing to hand over my money to people who care about me and the art on my body.) I was the one who kept us on track during shopping and got us home at a decent time, with lunch, even tho my anxiety was at an all time high and I was already an over emotional mess. And I was the one trying to find a way to make her happy, even after she'd made me cry a few times over. I just wonder how long I'm going to go thru this with her. My five year plan now is to save up to move to California, but it's killing me I can't go now. To be closer to other artists and collab and share my art with them (one book in the series I'm writing is nearly done with my editing, the second books first draft is written, and I started writing the third books first draft this week, and I didn't even plan on it becoming a series); to be away from my mom and my family's bullshit; to be in a state that will protect my orientation and gender identity (they can still fire u for that first one in ND)--it all feels so close yet so far away and days like today I just feel so tired of living the way I am, yet I don't have the money or options to change anything yet. This got way too long--if u read it all, thank u but also I'm sorry. U can tell it got too long cause I've given up typing as formally as I usually do. Anyway, I should take this moment to thank u all for still following me and reading my blog--writing and rants alike. It's a small comfort, but it makes me feel less alone. And on days like today, that's one of the few things I have. Here's to hoping for easier days with family, for me and any of u guys that might be struggling with similar issues right now. If any of u ever need to vent, my ear is ready to listen (and comfort if u want.)

[sanguinesprout]

Therapy/Counselling diary #8 (my memory is baaad plus some general frustrations and encouragements)

This past week was kinda hmm... nyeeeeh. I wouldn't say I did anything particularly exciting or new or memorable and I was kinda sickly but it wasn't bad bad and that's all that matters ^^ My memory is bad bad baaaaad in other words, same as usual lol

I’ve decided I’m gonna try to write this weeks (or well, last weeks) stuff using the tumblr app this time, I haven't really used it much, but it's been pretty neat so far aka I cba to clear my desk and use the pc. My typo rate is srsly v. high tho and I wanna shorten the words cuz phone typing and effort but I think I actually type about the same speed with my phone as I do on the PC hah... If only I could read back the text and edit stuff easier as I go along though... oh welp. (Whoa phew, I thought I accidentally posted it by accident lulz the app gives a 'it posted' notification when I save it as a draft what even lol)

This weeks counselling app was... pretty alright, though I'm feeling the pressure and the nerves more now because as predicted I am expected to try even more harder with the communication and skill learning stuff for next time and I really arghhh xwx I only just got over the last wall and the next one seems way more difficult to scale... but I think I can do it... I just need to push away the unhelpful thoughts and persist..! >^<

So that sheet about emotions and thoughts I had to do... I only managed to write two small things but it's something at least, we didn't actually look over it this session because we were still looking at the unhelpful behaviour sheet from last last time which was a slight relief but I still have the sheet now and need to fill it by next week xwx

The behaviour we went over was to do with comparing yourself to others and I really can't remember a lot of the things that was said gdi... maybe I'll just bullet point some of the important stuff and the rest will come back to me easier... and so I don't forget even more lol I'm just feeling extra lazy and unmovtivated hahaha.. ugh @v@"

🍰 Every person has their own views on things/their own way of doing or reacting to things and there is no right or wrong way in essence. Like baking a cake, one person may use so and so ingredients and the other such and such or even something that seems pretty unconventional but they both still result in cakes. Another person may prefer the taste of cake 1 over 2 and another person cake 2 over 1. No one is wrong in their choices, it’s just personal preference.

🥞 All professions work together in harmony and are necessary to make up and keep up a society. There is no need to be ashamed of or think lowly of your profession because it is just as important (eg. trash collector people, some people might think lowly of them but without them there would be a mess of vermin and disease etc etc as juxtaposed with another profession like a doctor which is usually thought highly of).

🍕 The only way to break the cycle is by doing. Doing will provide you with the experience and evidence needed to override your negative presumptions and this in turn will allow you to get past the things holding you back and grow. Your beliefs should run on facts and not irrational thoughts which probably hold no truth at all. 

🍔 Like reading a book, you only know as much as you've read (your current and past experiences and beliefs), but there is still so much left to learn and absorb if you push forward and continue. The parts you haven't read yet (future experiences and knowledge etc) may be the positive and powerful parts needed to neutralise and flip back the negative beginning chapters.

🍝 You live in a place where freedom and choice is encouraged and accepted (unlike some other places in the world where people live under strict control), so why would you willingly choose to cage yourself in with all these rules and restrictions..? (T^T Idk why... but I don’t want to no more that’s for sure!)

🍦 Everything you do should be for your own approval and not anyone else’s. It’s your life and your choices, not theirs. Your own opinions matter most and your own wellbeing should be your priority. Do it all for yourself.

🍩 I would really like a doughnut right now, damn. I can’t have any of these foods rn cause of my diet lolol... they’re unhealthy anyways ^^”

These are some really awfully phrased retellings of the stuff the counsellor told me, but that’s basically all I can remember right now but they give very interesting and useful views on things. Normally I would rephrase them even more or not include the examples but w/e I need to stop being so afraid, just get it all down nice and straightforward and truthful! Yeah, I could've just used the actual bullet point formatting but food emoji is much more exciting of course :D I literally can’t think anymore about last week, I’m just so overwhelmed with this week, my head hurts with the mental effort x^x I decided to go back to using the pc, the app is good for brief things only I guess.

In terms of doing something brave or well out of my comfort zone, I walked down a few streets on my own and went to collect some post. It’s something I’ve done before (though not completely on my own) but I still had a hella awkward time at the desk cause the queue was kind of jumbled and idk if the person before me was actually someone that came after, I thought maybe they were an employee and went behind them instead or maybe they skipped in front idk ugh... I really suck at looking and remembering people’s faces sometimes.

If I wanted to go somewhere else on my own my parents would probably not let me go and my dad would lecture me all the safety things even more than usual (seriously, I get the don’t talk to strangers type of line every single time..!). I’m not a child, I shouldn’t have to ask for permission and this time I didn’t ask, I just said where I was going and why and left but if I tried that to go anywhere else then they’d get ruffled. But the main thing is the communication again I guess, as long as they are informed, it’ll lessen the stress and make them more open to me taking my own initiative. 

Like I understand they want me to be safe, it’s what parents do and I obviously don’t want to run into any trouble too, but sometimes being too overprotective and overly cautious means I’m just stuck and can’t grow at all. It just goes to make me even more scared of the world, when I should be out there doing things like everyone else, it sucks. 

I know in parents eyes, their daughters and sons will always be their kids, their babies, but at some point they will see them as adults too and well, that just isn’t happening for me. I haven’t proven myself worthy of the adult title and I also feel I don’t deserve it yet, it seems a long way off still but it feels so ridiculous, but what is age but just a number anyways, everyone goes at different paces. I shouldn’t dwell on this too much and just try my best to prove to myself, yes myself first and foremost, that I can be an adult, I can be responsible and independent at least a little more. I need a better action plan really... besides the vague, get a job, learn to drive, cook etc. idk what else @^@” I’m getting a little ahead of myself with even this though, gotta not forget, take things slow and gradually, baby steps!! ^^

In my other endeavours with art and posting things online, it’s just come to a stand still or gone backwards actually, I’ve just gotten so scared again, I can’t put a pen to paper or even leave a comment on other people’s stuff anymore and it feels really awful, like why can’t I just do it and forget about feeling foolish or judged or inadequate, I keep overthinking again gdi..!! >^< I keep wanting to plan things and have things all perfect and ready instead of just getting things done as I go like other people... damn, I keep saying like other people, constantly comparing myself to them, that’s another reason I’ve gotten scared to try again with anything. 

Gosh, these unhelpful habits are for reals and are the worst, at least I’m more aware of them though, maybe I can fight them back a bit better now that I know how draining and evil they are... Okay! I challenge you unhelpful habits!! Imma throw you in the trash and get my ass moving! You’ve got nothing on me! I can do it!! Ugh... ;^; No no, no sad! Fight fight fight! Go go go! ò^ó

My sis got me a lot of gifts relating to art, she encourages me through this and her kind words and wants me to do well, I want me to do well too and to show my gratitude with action, so imma do well and make a lot of nice arts to be proud of! They don’t have to be perfect! I saw a quote that was something like ‘even the pages on your bad days are better than the ones on the days you did nothing’ (I just totally butchered that lol) or something like that and it was like, damn, that’s true. A little practice even if it’s not serious is better than nothing at all! Okay okay I’m pumped!

The stuff I had to do this week is to help out at the front of the shop, gain some experience and converse with customers..! I already attempted it once for a short time and welp, it was scary but I guess not that bad (also I kinda botched up a phone order maybe) but I keep reading into things too deeply and negatively and it scared me off and now as usual the week is ending and my opportunities to try are limited, need to get my ass in gear, c’mon I can do it! Don’t be afraid, you’re doing well, keep going! ^^”... go go go! ^u^

Maybe I can kill 2 birds with one stone, sit and observe but also draw, space is limited though so idk if it’ll work out but there’s no harm giving it a try I guess. Must not forget to fill in that emotions/thoughts sheet ugh, I should have done it as I actually do stuff but I do things in bad and unconventional ways. Need to break a lot of habits. I downloaded this app that is supposed to help you build new healthy habits, so far all it’s wanted me to do is to drink water when I wake up so I feel more energised lol but I did it and it does help, I wonder if I can build a lot of other good habits too, it certainly makes things feel more fun in a way.

Everyday in my mind I want to look over the days happenings in a more positive light and congratulate myself for all the small things I did that I maybe I wouldn’t have some weeks ago, so I can see how much I actually improved and have put effort in. Even though on the surface it just all seems meh, I want to let myself see how things have actually become a little easier and how the negative thoughts relating to them has begun to affect me less and take up less space in my conscious. Be proud of yourself and all your endeavours, silly!

Hmm, this post is probably shorter than my usual one but oh well, I don’t want to spend too much time rambling or ruminating or being a paralysed perfectionist, I’ve got other bigger fish to fry! And draw and eat omnomnom! Yolo! x3

Okay okay, now I’m going to go do some artsy fartsy stuff or at least have myself set up for it and my conversing/experience gaining challenge hoo! Believe in yourself, you can do it! Let’s go go! :D

Have a lovely evening and keep trying, keep flying! ^^

[gulescamisade]

New York:  Day 2

JOHN: - ASSUMING they ended up sleeping in an alley, John probably cuddled up with Kankri. However, he miserably wakes up over and over to vomit, straying farther away from the group during these excursions for courtesys sake. He gets more sweaty, stumbly and shaky the more this goes on-

ROSE: -She looks up from her typing to watch John. At some point he feels her hand on his back, rubbing in little circles.- Good morning. ROSE: It is a punctual wake up call, if I were pressed to say one good thing about this place.

JOHN: - he is NOT having a good morning but he wheezes and smiles anyway. He's chewing some peppermint gum, and still slathering on the Vicks which is helping somewhat- yeah, no kidding. bright and early in flavor town.

ROSE: As far as I can tell, based on the feed, no one else is in any danger. ROSE: Immediate danger, I should say. But we're not sure where Roxy, Jake, your father or the cherubs are.

ROSE: It could be a good sign that they're off the grid like that.

JOHN: - Thank you for providing a positive option he'll be choosing that one- yeah. i mean... my dad is with them. i'm not worried. he probably has things on lock down. - oh how ironic this statement is-

JOHN: d'ya want some water? the only food i have is cake but i have lots of water bottles. - also the sort of shock blankets EMTs carry. there were likely three that they all had to share. -

ROSE: Wherever it is, I presume it's better than what you'd get if Banksy were commissioned to construct a parody of a city.

ROSE: ...Yeah. that would actually help a lot.

JOHN: - passes her one-

JOHN: - SIGHS because he already really hates this place. - this is beyond banksy this is like what michael bay would've done if youd asked him for a dystopian flick. pretty on the nose, betty. just sayin...

ROSE: Nothing is on fire except for our reliable steel trash fire, John, and I would never insult our most stalwart ally that way.

ROSE: Although if I see one single depiction of Ronald McDonald anywhere, I am extraordinarily liable to flip a tit.

JOHN: well i hate to say it, Rose but in all likelihood your tit is getting flipped.

ROSE: I said a tit, John, not necessarily any of mine. Ronald -- can I call him Ronald? Is that deemed appropriate?-- likely has at least one under that puffy yellow garment.

ROSE: All I am saying is that it is likely to be golden brown on both sides.

ROSE: Not unlike the McGriddle.

JOHN: - laughs helplessly even tho he doesn't want to. STAHP-

ROSE: -She twists open the water bottle-- grateful that they've got something-- taking a sip. Her head still hurts, but it's normal style headache, not migraine getting nuked by all the lights of times square, so she can deal a lot better.- ROSE: I mostly have some of Baldur's baby food I prepared. ROSE: I doubt that will last terribly long, but I'd like to avoid any of the food here if we can help it.

ROSE: So, we have banana and peanut butter mush, and cake.

JOHN: maybe the others have some more stuff. - he doesn't wanna wake them up yet tho. let them rest... -

ROSE: Well, it could be a lot worse.

JOHN: hey I'm not knocking banana peanut butter mush. sounds good honestly. - except he's not interested in any food rn, he's too nauseated. the only reason he stopped vomiting is because is tum is empty except for water-

ROSE: It is. Protein and at least one kind of potassium. The possibilities are endless.

MEULIN: -She's slept pretty restlessly -- post-traumatic stress and dangerous locations will do that to you -- and only manages to sleep soundly once she sees familiar words scrolling over her sunglasses, knowing that at least someone else was awake to watch out in her stead. It was difficult having only so many senses, being unable to tell if any noise should alert them. Now, though, she stirs again, squinting in whatever haze of light manages to permeate the neon signs.-

http://www.guyfieri.com/wp-content/themes/guyfieri/images/xshow-header-bigbite.jpg.pagespeed.ic.2DQMNZ--Hj.jpg

[ GOOD MORNING MEULIN ]

MEULIN: -SQUINTS LOUDER AT THIS SIGN.- (GUY CAN TAKE A BIG BITE OF MY BOOTY.)

JOEY: =rubs at her eyes, sitting up= ...what guy?

[HE MIGHT]

ROSE: Fieri, comma.

ROSE: Morning.

JOEY: oh....

JOEY: he's still a thing?

ROSE: I took the liberty to scout by air a bit. I can confirm two things.

ROSE: One is that this city is hopelessly large, and most of the buildings are equipped with searchlights on the highest floors.

ROSE: The other is that he is very much still a thing.

ROSE: He's plastered all over the place.

JOEY: sorry ive been out of the loop in this universe for quite some time now

JOEY: i can tell you in some of them he is but a distant memory

JOEY: although it might be to give the world a false sense of security, waiting to rise again

MEULIN: UGGHH...

MEULIN: I'M SO MAD THAT MY BODY IS EVEN LETTING ME F33L HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

ROSE: Let's start a fair clip back, actually.

ROSE: Should I be horrified by him? more so than everything else about this place, I mean?

[He's only the high chaplain of interstellar war. The key architect of the hilarocaust itself. Pay no mind to the fact that he ruthlessly murdered and cooked every supreme court justice in his rise to power]

JOEY: your guess is as good as mine =shrugs= i dunno what this version of him is supposed to be like

JOEY: hes either a harmless cook with his own tv show using way too much grease or not many really know about him

JOEY: here its obviously not the case

ROSE: Right.

ROSE: It's fine. We should eat, anyhow. Keep our strength up without succumbing to the Big Bite. Do any of you have food on you?

JOEY: oh shit! =rummages through her sylladex= i have a bag of milky ways!

ROSE: I wonder how long we can last on candy and baby food.

MEULIN: I HAVE. UM.

MEULIN: ...

MEULIN: ...EDIBLES...

JOEY: =places a milky way fun size bar on her sleeping brother's head=

ROSE: Edible what, exactly?

MEULIN: ...RR...

JOEY: boogers are edible, yet....im not feeling that

MEULIN: PRETZELS. AND... RICE KRISPIES...

MEULIN: BUT THEY'RE. YOU KNOW.

JOEY: ???

ROSE: I really don't. Although I should disclose I was working under the assumption you were talking about edible panties or body chocolate.

ROSE: So they're probably not worse than that.

JOEY: =LAUGHS=

MEULIN: HAHAHA!

MEULIN: UH... WELL THEY'RE. YOU S33... THEY ARE NIP INFUSED.

MEULIN: SO.........

ROSE: Oh.

ROSE: Well, that'll at least help us cope.

MEULIN: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, AND ALSO. WE PURROBABLY SHOULDN'T EAT TOO MANY IN ONE SITTING.

ROSE: We'll ration.

JOEY: hehehehehe

JOEY: we get high or get cavities

JOEY: it's a race to either

MEULIN: -casually pulls out Rice Krispies on that note... TIME TO GET FUCKING BLAZED. She offers one each to Joey and Rose.-

ROSE: ...Thank you. -TIME TO DO A WEED BREAKFAST. she might reconsider but she's sick of her head hurting, and she hasn't had a thing in her stomach since they arrived.-

JOEY: thanks

JOEY: =she wipes her hands on her pants before taking it. Does it help? Who knows?=

JOEY: =nibbles the krispie=

MEULIN: -They're pretty tasty and definitely Rice Krispie treats. They don't seem to taste any different than a normal one, but in about five to ten minutes they should feel a nice buzzy body high and a bit more floaty than before... depending on how high or low their tolerance is. They might be a lot floaty and a lot buzzy.-

JOEY: =she's a lusus vet. the occasion never called for drug use!=

JAMISON: =slowly lifts a manhole cover then jumps out of it. Where has this old man been?? Puts the cover back and scurries to the group= Oh fantastic you're eating! Here I've got some clean water. =thunks down a gallon jug, yes he's still shirtless... AND ARMED=

ROSE: -She's just starting to relax and let that buzzing feeling take over when JAMISON THE SUDDEN.-

ROSE: Fuck!

MEULIN: !! -IT'S THE RESPONSIBLE ADULT PARTY, EVERYONE SCATTER. But no she just smiles at Jamison.- HI! THANKS.

JOEY: =Nearly jumps out of her skin and fumbles with the rice krispie, almost dropping it. It's like when your parent catches you smoking! It's...almost like that, actually.=

ROSE: That was sudden. I figured you'd gone somewhere, but... It seems you went... There. This is good to have.

ROSE: Hello. Also.

JOEY: hiiii dad! um...where did you get the water?

JAMISON: Oh... didn't mean to give you all a start! Good morning! I'll go hunting down normal appearing meat later! No worries on the water I staked out a source and purified it myself with something I whipped up! :D

JOEY: =I knew it, it IS sewer water=

JAMISON: =LISTEN. SURVIVAL.=

ROSE: That's a relief. ROSE: We were just taking supply of what we've got. Suppose we'll be able to manage for long enough to figure which way is... out.

JAMISON: Any way can be out, missy! Haw! Simply pick a direction!

JOLENE: -waddles over after disappearing herself. this is a bad habit this family has.- agreed! and if it requires blowing holes into any of the buildings then i have explosives. :)

ROSE: Well. Shit. 

ROSE: Alright. I'd first want... a car. Because it seems kind of desperate if we're going to be making our getaway from acts of explosives on foot.

ROSE: I was thinking we could try and tail one of those freight trucks.

JOLENE: that's probably a good idea........ -she just wants to level this whole place-

JAMISON: =beams at Jojo= Like the old days!

ROSE: The old truck hijacking days.

JOLENE: it really takes me back...

JOEY: ive never heard this story =chinhands, munching on this riceweedie=

JAMISON: Oh! There's tons of stories we can tell!! =proudly beams=

ROSE: I'm sure there's... plenty of time.

JOHN: - HE GAVE MEULIN A LOOK LIKE... so it's you... you're the supplier. but given they're in a crisis situation he lets it slide. And takes a bite of a rice krispy hoping it will help with the nausea. -

JOLENE: yes, true. for now let's focus on getting out of here. -peeps the rice krispies- what have you got there?

ROSE: Breakfast. 

ROSE: Laced with a relaxant to dull the overwhelming stimulus of our environment.

ROSE: -WOW she's starting to think she's really good at being high-

JAMISON: They've scrounged up some-- oh? Hm........ 

JAMISON: So long as your reflexes are kept sharp!

JOHN: - How elegantly she puts it-

ROSE: :)

ROSE: :)

JOLENE: ... -squints-

JOLENE: are those weed rice krispies????????????????

ROSE: ...There is a mite touch of THC.

JAMISON: Awww come now Jojo! The youngsters aren't used to such dastardly dangers as we are!

JOHN: - please body digest these faster so he can feel not sick-

JOHN: - pleading with your body is a common medical practice don't you know-

JAMISON: Also it's a bit hard to find something that seems safe to consume out here.... I've even got looking for meat but I apparently haven't gone far enough on my last search!

JOHN: well i have lots of cakes

JOHN: they're safe... my dad made them.

JAMISON: Oh! Well that'll do finely! Good job old boy!

JOHN: it's not the most nutritious thing but...

JAMISON: Mustn't be picky about what you get to feast on in the wild, it could be the last meal you pass up! Haw!

MEULIN: CAKE IS GOOD. -thankfully being high makes you also want to eat just about anything... unless it's made by Guy, because fuck him.-

JOHN: - he breaks two out right now. months old but they're kept fresh although they might taste like they've been in hammer space for a little too long-

JOLENE: -frowns thinking about the cakes because she knows james is missing...- i'll have some cake. thank you, john.

JOHN: - he's frowning for the same reason-

JAMISON: I'll take one as well! Need to keep my wits sharp!! =THEY'LL FIND EVERYONE AND FIX JADE, BUCK UP EVERYONE!!!=

JAMISON: =HE BELIEVES!!=

JAMISON: Now then! I'll take that to go and SCOUT! :D

JOHN: -there's yellow cake that says HAPPY LATE DECEMBER and another one, chocolate that says HAPPY EARLY JANUARY

ROSE: Be careful. Try to avoid shooting anything.

ROSE: -EYES the cakes. REALLY, EGBERT FAMILY...-

JOLENE: .... -james............-

JAMISON: =DIBS ON THE YELLOW CAKE, pistol-winks at Rose= No promises but I will gather a route for us so get your rears in gear!!

JAMISON: And drink some water!

ROSE: -She is interrupted by a STOMACH GROWL. She levitates over a pretty large slice with her majyyks.-

JOLENE: -grabs a slice of chocolate cake and gobbles it down. YUM.-

JOHN: - HE makes sure everyone gets a large slice except himself because he's waiting for the cannabis to kick in-

JAMISON: =Bends down to touch his toes, stretches this way and that. If they're in the alley still he takes a running start at the wall and hardcore parkours his way up to the roof of one of the buildings= TALLY-HO!!!! =There he goes....=

JOHN: - bemused amazement at Jamison-

JOLENE: ... there he goes.

MEULIN: ...-shimmery eyes.- I WOULD TOTALLY DO THAT IF HE INVITED ME.

JOEY: so now we have dessert, candy, and happy times to fuel our energy =giggles=

ROSE: I... You know, that sort of reminds me. 

ROSE: Obviously you are not beholden to stay, but I haven't seen any other trolls, outside of our group. Right? Just humans and... Less... Healthy looking humans.

JOHN: that is weird now that you mention it...

JOEY: if the troll to human ratio is low here, theres a chance of another group out there with one human surrounded by trolls 

JOEY: =presses meulin's nose= boop

JOHN: hehehehe... boop! - does it too-

MEULIN: -IS BOOP!!!- (=ﾟ･ﾟ=) 

MEULIN: PRRP! -bunts at their hands. Pet her.-

JOHN: - It's good luck! he gladly gives her head scratches. -

MEULIN: MAYBE THERE'S A FLEASON. PRRRRR.

JOHN: i kind of imagined... more trolls?

ROSE: Yeah...

JOEY: =Pats Meulin's hair floof, shrugging=

JOEY: maybe were meant to be here

JOEY: if youre saying this isn't a coincidence

JOHN: -...THAT IS NOT A COMFORTING THOUGHT-

JOEY: =sorry! it's not a lullaby to her either=

ROSE: I don't doubt there was intent in the decision.

ROSE: What I would like to find is the purpose behind this place.

ROSE: What these glamorous banalities mask.

ROSE: You know, that shit.

MEULIN: PRRR PRRR... 

MEULIN: NOT GOOD STUFF. WHY WOULD THE EMPURR WANT TO F33D PEOPLE?

ROSE: Chemicals, probably. Fuck it.

JAMISON: =APPEARS again= Mind-control! Well.. it's a theory. Also if you have the necessities then you control the land. 

JAMISON: A typical tactic done with water mostly but food isn't any different!

ROSE: Chemicals. -nods-

JOHN: maybe the food is... - dramatic pause- PEOPLE

JOHN: nah just kiddin

JOHN: or not..???

ROSE: Let's not rule anything out.

JAMISON: True, we should keep open minds so to not be surprised! JAMISON: Whatever these devils are eating isn't good for them and I can't say cannibalism does a body good!

MEULIN: .....

MEULIN: UMM...

MEULIN: WELL...

JUDE: -he's in the bg here just perpetually going hhhhhhh-

MEULIN: I'M PURRETTY SURE THAT'S STILL A THING ALTERNIA DOES...

JAMISON: =Peeps Jude.......=

JAMISON: Well yes, for you troll lot it is fine you're biology is capable of handling it. The same can't be said with our own digestive system. =Do you need a hug Jude? A sweaty, shirtless, hairy dadhug?=

MEULIN: BLEH. MEULIN: BUT WASN'T THERE A SIGN ABOUT D33P FRYING BABIES?

MEULIN: -stares off into the neon distance...-

JAMISON: Then it's quite possible that cannibalism has been introduced or even forced upon locals!

JUDE: -nO NOT REALLY DAD BUT THANKS...-

JUDE: okay but haven't you noticed the traits the humans around here are taking on?

JUDE: ashen skin... they've got growths on their heads??

JUDE: it'd make sense if they're being forced to eat their own

JUDE: if the condesce is trying to convert humanity to troll customs-- no, worse

JUDE: convert them into trolls themselves

[No? Maybe. Look, it's a decent proposal. However, no, there aren't any signs EXPLICITLY advertising frying babies, or any other humans for that matter.]

MEULIN: -SHE COULD SWEAR SHE SAW ONE LAST NIGHT-

JAMISON: Why that's a silly thing to do EVEN FOR Fish Hitler...... =squints= so she might just be doing it..... JAMISON: Confound it the seabeast is no genius when it comes to biology!.... Perhaps capturing one for testing is necessary....

JAMISON: I'm sure I would whip up a DNA analyzer!

MEULIN: OH... -geck face- THAT'S SO SUPURR GROSS?? WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THAT???

JOEY: its a motivation if the fish queen wants an army of mindless followers

JOEY: rebuilding her race to the extent that all choice or doubt in her reign has been taken from them

MEULIN: MAYBE SHE SHOULD CLAWNSIDER REBUILDING HER BUTT WHEN I PUT MY FOOT IN IT. -grumpy growls. This cat does not like this town.-

JAMISON: Well said! There's ample space for my fists of fury along with your boot old girl!

MEULIN: OH MY GOD I ONLY JUST REALIZED YOU CAME BACK.

ROSE: Haha. Fuck.

MEULIN: WE JUST HAD A CONFURSATION AND EVERYTHING.

JAMISON: Right-o! Never stray for long when there's work to be done!

JAMISON: So, seeing how shooting is against the group consensus what about capturing?

ROSE: I could justify that, yes.

ROSE: We want to avoid a ruckus until we're certain they cannot corner us.

MEULIN: (ฅ•ω•ฅ) MEULIN: I'M GOOD AT POUNCING. I'VE B33N PRACTICING MY WHOLE LIFE.

JOEY: .....(adorable...)

JAMISON: Meulin! Would you like to capture a zombie with me? :D

MEULIN: -SNRKS and nudges bashfully at Joey. She heard that!!!-

JAMISON: =Holds up a net he made=

MEULIN: OH HELLS YES.

[ LOOK AT THIS NET THAT I JUST FOUND ]

JOHN: i think we should establish a base first that isn't an alley out in the open :0

JOHN: what about hijacking one of those trailers

ROSE: Was there room in those sewers?

JAMISON: Do we plan on being here for long? JAMISON: We could appropriate a building!

JOHN: - scratches under beard as he considers all these options-

ROSE: No, we need to catch up with the others. And despite her enthusiasm, I don't think Jolene has enough bombs to demolish this whole place.

JAMISON: Oh, well that's just a matter of creating more.

JOEY: we should keep a low profile before coming up with a solid game plan

JOEY: THEN we can make things blow up

JAMISON: Hm.... actually I would like to meet this "Guy" and take all his files.

ROSE: Well. Ideally, we would have a bomb on the side of town opposite we're going to escape from.

JOHN: hmm we're more than 20 hours from minnesota... if we somehow scored a trailer we could get out of town quickly if we need to and then take turns sleeping on the way there...

JAMISON: That is my near-end game to see what the devil is going on!

ROSE: Establish some sort of distraction.

JOEY: or direction

JOEY: if were going to sightsee, lets make an itinerary

JOEY: =smiles blissfully=

JOHN: - takes a deep breath. his stomach feels better and his nausea is gone. - those were really bomb ass rice krispies, meulin.

JOHN:... you still have that pb and banana...

ROSE: -SNORTS and laughs uncontrollably-

JOHN: @Rose

ROSE: -slides a lil plastic baby food container towards JOHN-

JOHN: - here he is, a grown ass man with a child eating baby food-

MEULIN: YOU ARE FURRY WELCOME.

JOHN: - incredible-

JOHN: - also he feels all tingly-

MEULIN: -she hasn't kept up with the conversation too terribly, thanks to the fact that she doesn't have to listen and can read it instead.- I THINK THE SEWERS MIGHT BE GOOD. THEY HAVE LITTLE AREAS DOWN THERE RIGHT?

MEULIN: IT WON'T SMELL GREAT BUT I THINK IT MIGHT BE BETTER THAN ICKY BUFFALO RANCH NOOK HELL.

JOHN: alright well... we have a lot of different ideas. and i honestly don't know what's the best choice.

JOHN: should we vote?

JOEY: =her eyes get spherical=

JOEY: theres such a place as buffalo ranch nook hell?

ROSE: Let's steal the zepplin.

JAMISON: I would like to have a base of operations and the sewers weren't so terrible for tha- oh a zepplin would be grand!

JOHN: is that a serious option because if so i like it.

JOHN: - HAS WIND POWERS-

ROSE: Yes. Fuck it. Fuck the sky. Let's steal it.

JOHN: yeah! - fist pump-

MEULIN: -leans toward Joey- WE'RE IN IT. WE ARE IN BUFFALO RANCH NOOK HELL.

JOEY: does anyone know how to actually fly one of those? it's hard from what i have heard :\

JOHN: oh, I have wind powers

JOHN: plus they probably do... - points at jo jo and jamison-

MEULIN: HE SAYS, SUPURR CATSUALLY.

JOHN: - he just takes for granted that the old people know everything-

JOHN: - floats as an example for joey-

ROSE: I, too, have powers, but I'd also think that hauling everyone up into the sky will attract a measure of attention we're not prepared for.

ROSE: Which is second to my previously stated stance, fuck the sky.

JAMISON: Oh! Yes you have been floating as of late I recall... =strokes mustache=

MEULIN: FUCK THE SKY!!

JOHN: ohhhh thats true. - considers this-

JOEY: ... =glances down at the rice krispie- aight, how strong is this stuff?

ROSE: Thank you.

MEULIN: I MEAN... IT'S A WHOLE KRISPIE...

MEULIN: (ฅ•ᆺ•ฅ)

JOHN: - only took a bite of his and put the rest wrapped up in his pocket-

JOEY: since when can people fly??

JOHN: it's not such a weird thing where we come from.

MEULIN: OH YEAH, PEOPLE FLY AROUND ALL THE TIME.

JOEY: i come from earth. this earth! everything is weird to me!

MEULIN: ARADIA HAS THESE TOTALLY BALLER WINGS, AND SO DOES MY BOSS ANGER STARE.

JOEY: anger....stare....

ROSE: Redglare.

JOHN: but like... if we had somewhere to land it, i could use wind currents to bring down the zep. maybe rose's psiionics could steady the landing.

MEULIN: (●ↀωↀ●)

ROSE: I am a psionic, of sorts. -Little finger sparks to demonstrate...-

MEULIN: BUT THEN WE WILL ALSO HAVE TO KILL WHOEVER IS ON BOARD! PURRBABLY.

MEULIN: RIGHT?

JAMISON: Probably!

JOEY: =whispers to meulin= (why is redstare so mad?)

JOHN: wow haha... settle down there.

JAMISON: Or capture them HAW!

JOHN: we don't have to kill anyone.

JOEY: =JUST....WATCHING THE SPARKS....LIKE ITS A NORMAL OCCURRENCE!=

MEULIN. -fails to whisper back- I THINK SHE HAS A BAD DAY, BUT LIKE, EFURRY DAY. WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING NICE FOR HER LATER.

MEULIN: -considers giving her boss weed... hmm-

JOEY: =gasps= does she like desserts? what about one of your riceweedies?

MEULIN: YES. I AM UPVOTING THIS PLAN.

JOHN: ok all in favor of trying to steal the zep say aye.

MEULIN: AYYYY ELL EM AY OH!

JOHN: that works.

JAMISON: AYE AYE!

JOEY: okay if you know what youre doing! :D

JOHN:... but we're not going to kill anyone unless they try to kill us first. - STERN GLANCING. -

MEULIN: OKAY CAPTAIN JOHN!

JOHN: - makes a face. don't even joke about that. he wants to hide behind rose. -

ROSE: And we should kidnap a... are we really going with Zombie? As a name?

MEULIN: -what?? IS HE NOT THE ZEPPELIN CAPTAIN AND/OR TEAM CAPTAIN?? JEEEEEZ-

JAMISON: I haven't the slightest what the devil else to call them.

MEULIN: I AM ALSO VOTING FOR "SQU33BS."

JOHN: hey we can knock out two birds with one stone. there has to be a pilot, right?

ROSE: Yes, but I doubt the people down here are running anything of importance.

ROSE: I mean, look at them.

MEULIN: CATCH ONE SQU33B, HOP ON BLIMP, NYOOM OFF INTO THE SUNSET.

JOHN: maybe the pilot will know more. - head scratcher-

JAMISON: By the time you all have the zeppy down Meulin and I should have one secure.

MEULIN: YUP!!

JOHN: alright. that works too!

JOEY: =starts singing, clapping john on the back= 

JOEY: she says that my life is over 

JOEY: "boy you don't know what you got till it's gone 

JOEY: come put your head upon my shoulder" 

JOEY: she gave me her hand but i ignored her 

JOEY: oh dr. john 

JOEY: what am i doing 

JOEY: what am i doing i wrong? 

JOEY: cuz i keep on trying 

JOEY: something ain't going 

JOEY: something ain't going on 

JOEY: oh dr. john

JOHN:... - THIS CHILD. he loves her already-

MEULIN: -she would sway but she has no idea this is a song-

JOHN: - pushes her playfully- get back jojo!

JOEY: =im 37 my dude=

JOHN: - he has no idea-

JOHN: - you're like 10+ years older than him-

JOEY: =theres probably something in grubloaf tbh=

JAMISON: =PLUS GOOD GENES=

JOEY: =aww you say that cuz im your kid=

JAMISON: =Also he and Jojo have THE BEST GENES. Spry old folks=

JOEY: =that she wont deny=