#tho my mom manages to put it up if i ask her so i dunno

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Why is it when I try to have my hair up, its either messy ponytail with Jim Hawkins like bangs cause my front refuses to be tied back into a ponytail or its pigtails where one side is fine but the other side wants to be free any minute.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

caryl first date headcanon

i wrote a stream of consciousness caryl headcanon i was thinking about when i couldn’t sleep last night. no i did not proofread it. yes it is rambling nonsense. yes you can read it if you want: 

so i genuinely don’t know what the timeline for canon is gonna be now that we got bottle episodes, s11, and the spin-off, but just for a moment let us pretend that it happens during the bottle episodes and then we have all of s11 to watch caryl trying to figure out how to navigate a relationship with each other

cuz like, they gon fuck right away, bc things are gonna get heated, and tensions are gonna be high, and they’re gonna snap like a trip wire and fucking ravish each other, that’s without question

so the first little while of their relationship will be mostly getting intimately familiar with each other’s bodies down to every last freckle

but once they’ve simmered down some they’re gonna need to address the “oh shit, wait, how does a relationship work?” problem

cue: caryl’s first date

it’ll take place in commonwealth, and i’ve never read the comics and i know jack all about it outside of what i’ve skimmed, but we’re gonna ignore that for the sake of my fun post

i know enough about it to know that there are definitely places to have a date

daryl knows this too, tho he doesn’t rly think about it right away. at first he’s more confused and sort of standoffish about the whole place, bc he was always a forest-dweller even before the apocalypse, so seeing this new metropolis-like place after years of living like a gd pioneer is gonna throw him way off kilter

right up until he’s chillin’ with judith and she’s talking about how she’s excited to see her first concert, and they have restaurants, and things she’s only ever read about, and then out of nowhere she’ll pull out, “are you gonna take aunt carol on a date?” 

and daryl will stare at her

and she’ll be like “rosita was telling me about how father gabriel took her on a real date and how nice it was. you should do that for aunt carol” 

and daryl will stare at her

and then will hastily change the subject (she’ll see right through him, ofc, but she’ll let it slide)

but the thought will stick with him, and suddenly he’s looking at the schedule of upcoming concerts and plays and wondering if carol would care about any of it. does she like shakespeare? the most experience he would have had with shakespeare was ripping out a couple pages of his school copy of romeo and juliet to use to light some firewood

but maybe she’s into it???

eventually he’ll reach the inevitable conclusion that the only way this is going to work is if he actually asks her to go on a date with him, which should be easy, right? like, he was ball’s deep inside her last night and told her good morning by putting his face between his legs, so surely asking someone on a date is simple

it will not be simple

bc yeah, they fuck all the time, and obviously they’re head-over-heels in love with each other, they’re each other’s soulmates, yada yada, but also daryl’s extremely emotionally repressed and has the romance skills of a fifteen year old having his mom drive him and his date to his first homecoming dance, only worse bc he never even went to any school dances

but after Dwelling On It for ages he’ll finally get fed up with himself and will vow to stop being a pussy. he’ll ask her before the day’s over or he’ll shoot a bolt into his own foot, ok, no more excuses

so the whole day he’s jittery af

you’d think he’s trying to pop the question, but all he wants to do is go eat dinner with carol and then watch some people recite lines from a play written hundreds of years ago, like, what is his Deal(tm)??? 

(his deal is, ofc, that he waited so long to have her, and now every new thing feels tenuous, bc he’d rather die than lose her, and sure she knows him better than anyone, but never in this context, and plus her last dude basically bled passion and romance no matter how obnoxious, and what if she realizes just how fucking clueless he is and decides she doesn’t really want to be with a middle-aged man who still gets tongue-tied around a pretty girl?)

(but also she deserves a gd date, alright? she deserves it, and so he’s going to give it to her, even if going face-to-face with a walker horde is less intimidating)

carol notices something’s off with him right away, but she waits until after dinner, when the kids have gone to their rooms and the two of them are alone washing dishes to ask, “hey, so what the fuck?” 

and daryl will be like, k, it’s now or never

and he will 100% make a fool of himself by stumbling alllll over his words, like, “nothin’s wrong, i’m fine, everythin’s real fine, i was just wonderin’ if mb you’d wanna, y’know, i dunno, they got all these shows and shit that we ain’t had in forever and i didn’t know if mb you’d wanna go see one? and mb get some food? with me, i mean. like, together. like i’d take you there and we could do those things, like a, you know, a date. but it’s cool if not, no worries, i get it if it’s not your thing, but i just thought i’d ask, but no, you’re right, it’s stupid, forget i said anythin’, hey look at the time, well i’m beat, gonna go to sleep now, goodbye”

and carol will go, “hold up”

and she’ll take daryl by the wrist before he can flee the room (bc he definitely intends to), and pulls him close and kisses him all sweet, and she’s gotta stand on her tiptoes to do it bc she’s in a pair of knit socks and he’s got his boots on so there’s more of a height difference than usual, and after she’s successfully managed to keep daryl from falling straight into a panic spiral, she’ll whisper, “i’d love to, let’s go this weekend”

and then she’ll just turn back to doing dishes without another word on the matter 

(bc, as previously stated, she knows daryl better than anyone, and she knows exactly what all his insecurities are and how much it must have taken him to ask her that, and so she’s not gonna harp on it or tease him)

(daryl recognizes this and loves her desperately for it)

the actual date is way easier than daryl expected

bc he spent all this time hyping it up, but when it comes right down to it, he just gets to spend a night with carol where they don’t have the kids to worry about, or any council business, and they just get to enjoy each other’s company

she even dressed up a little for him, which was unnecessary, but he most certainly appreciates it and can’t wait to tear the outfit off of her later

(it does make him regret the fact that he’s only had one pair of pants for the past ten years, but she doesn’t seem to mind)

they end up seeing a shakespeare play

daryl understands like 2% at best, but carol holds his hand and rests her head on his shoulder the whole time, and apparently it’s a comedy bc she laughs a lot, and that alone makes it worth it

they fuck like crazy when they get home, obviously

but it’s different than it had been previously, bc now their “togetherness” seems more solidified

like, they’re officially a “couple” now

like the type of couple that gets a babysitter for the night so they can go to the apocalyptic version of dinner and a movie together and then have sex and then fall asleep right afterwards bc they’re domestic af

and like, deep down both of them knows that this isn’t the life that they’re meant to live in forever, a la commonwealth/domestic bliss, and he wasn’t kidding when he told her new mexico was still out there, and he can feel a shift coming sooner rather than later

but he also knows they’ll be together when it happens, and they’ll figure out their own version of “date night” when they’re out exploring

but for now he’s content to do it the old fashioned way, though

when she falls asleep on his chest that night he rubs her back and kisses the top of her head, and he’s already planning their next night out

he might pick a show with modern english, though

but it’s not required

just so long as they’re together

the end 

[chaoticspacefam]

The Lana Shipping Meme!

This is a meme made by @swtor-legacy-sitcom​ who very kindly tagged me to fill it in, thank you! :D This was super fun, I’ve been in a bit of a writing rutt lately so this was a nice way to sort-of dip my toe back into it :P I TOTALLY forgot this was in my drafts and forgot to schedule it to post, I’m soooo sorry it took so long lmao 😳😬

I’m not sure if we’re supposed to tag other people with this one so I’ll just leave a general, open tag here: if you have a Lana ship and want to fill this one out, feel free to yoink the meme and say I tagged you! Yes, I promise I mean you <3

Spoilers for KOTFE/KOTET, and slight spoilers for the Subterfugeverse “version” of said events, will be discussed below, so be aware of that before proceeding! There’s also some midlly nsfw questions so you might wanna skip those if they’re not your thing! :D Under a cut because it’s long, but no trigger warnings need apply.

Is Lana Beniko absolutely done with their shit?

Oh yes, absolutely. Nearly always. At any given time, BUT Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Saarai may be a reckless, overly-heroic idiot with seemingly no self-preservation, but she’s Lana’s reckless, overly-heroic idiot, ya know :’D

Do they make jokes together?

Fairly often, yes! Theirs is very much a flirty/fond banter type of relationship. Lana tells her she’s insufferable, Saarai rolls her eyes and snarks back, so on. See:

Saarai: Well this was a stupid idea Lana: Considering it was one of yours, I’m not surprised Saarai: Why didn’t you say something? Lana: I did and you did it anyway. And what have we learnt from this? Saarai, quietly: I’m a dumbass and I should listen to you more.... Lana: Good. I still love you, though. Saarai: :’D

Lana, two minutes later: You’re going to do it again, aren’t you? Saarai: Yeah, probably.

as well as that little cutscene “You’d better come back blah blah blah” “Well I have you to rescue me, that’s all I need~” is their default pre-dangerous battle banter :P

Who’s hornier? (who initiates)

Saarai is definitely hornier, and while she’s not always the one to initiate, she’s definitely the one to ask more often. (if I had to give it a number, prolly something like 65/45 lol) One of these days, Lana’s going to buy a spray bottle /jk

Kinkiest they’ve been?

Not awfully. Saarai’s a biter (Lana likes it, don’t worry 😏) and she loves it when Lana pulls her hair, but other than that, and making use of connections within the Force to heighten the sensations during such activities ;) they’re pretty vanilla

There was a post going around a while back about an alternative to a praise kink that was like, a “reassurance” kink, instead. I can’t find the actual post to link to it and I haven’t pinned down any specifics for them yet but I definitely think that’s a Saarai thing to look into later 😏

Has Lana ever covered up something your OC did as Minister of Intelligence?

In a roundabout way, yes. Technically, Saarai’s entire existence on Rishii. Since, teeechhnically, as far as the Empire’s concerned at that point, Rai’s supposed to be dead. Lana doesn’t know the technicalities of why that is (and Saarai isn’t comfortable telling her, even now), but she knows it’s important, so she does it for her even if she doesn’t know why.

Favorite non sexual downtime activity?

Cuddles! Saarai is a cuddlebug, and while Lana enjoys them she’s definitely not the “if I don’t get cuddled x times a day I can’t go on” type (in my headcanon, ofc, I’m not saying she can never be that way!) but, Saarai’s also very warm and cuddling her is cozy, so it’s something they both enjoy, whether Rai’s the big spoon, or - and this is Rai’s favourite thing ever - Saarai putting her head in Lana’s lap so Lana can play with her hair, it’s something they always do at the end of the day when they’re both done with work.

Mushiest thing Your OC has ever done for Lana?

So, I’m too impatient & lazy to do the actual HK missions in-game, but I know you can technically get another HK unit, so because ✨it’s my fanfic and I get to make the rules✨ Saarai sent Aria (my DS! Jedi Shadow, very good at stealth) back to Zakuul and though it was a bit battered up, she managed to retrieve HK’s processor. They had to get him a new chassis, but Koth and Ty managed to salvage the rest of his “important” bits and they rebuilt HK for her after they settled on Odessen :’3

Most Embarrassed Lana has ever been because of your OC?

In the middle of an important meeting, in front of everyone on the Alliance High Council, including Theron, Senya, Ni’kasi, Vano, etc.

Lana, sarcastically, after they’ve been disagreeing on how to handle a particular matter for ~1 hr: hahaha bite me.

Saarai, dead serious: Okay, where? 😏

Lana was mortified, to say the least XD

That thing that happened that they vow to NEVER speak of?

Saarai’s reaction when they went to Nathema. Rai’s psychometric, and in hindsight she realises putting her hand on that wall as she ducked into the building was a mistake. She was bombarded with flashback after flashback of what had happened on Nathema when it was still Medriaas, the planet where she was born and where most of her family died, it was not a pleasant experience for her and Rai actually collapsed at one stage because it was all too much for her ;w;

Lana had to bring her back around and herd her back on the ship, where Rai had to wait because she just couldn’t go any further, and Lana and Vano had to go on alone. Lana agreed not to tell anyone else about what had happened, because Saarai didn’t want any of them to worry about her, or think she was “weak” because of it.

The Angriest they’ve ever been at each other?

There’s actually two instances that come to mind for this one

1) Koth’s betrayal/stealing of the Gravestone, Lana was pissed at Koth and wanted to take it out on him, Saarai was pissed at the situation and got between them and chewed Lana out for taking it out on him. (Subterfugeverse is kinda complicated, there’s two Commanders calling the shots for different parts of the Alliance, Koth took issue with something Vano did and made the reckless, kinda stupid decision to still steal the Gravestone even tho Saarai didn’t do anything. (also for anyone new to the blog, all three of them are dating, they’re polyam ;)) Lana took it personally, Saarai was more upset that he was upset and didn’t say anything before he did something stupid. Rai and Lana butted heads about how to deal with it, Lana got salty cause she got yelled at, but they ofc fix it later :3)

2) Torian’s death. Saarai had tried to warn Lana what would happen if they split Vette & Torian up during that fight, Lana brushed it off and told Rai to “stop overreacting, it will be fine”. Obviously, it was not fine. Rai was very angry at the result because, I quote, “I WARNED YOU! And you wouldn’t listen to me!” Saarai refused to speak to Lana for a few days after that, it was kinda a rough time for Lana, she’s only seen Rai get that angry a few times, and only once at her so it shook her a bit. 😢

How does both Lana, and your OC initiate the ‘fade to black’ ;)

For Saarai, the “indicator” is usually when her kisses start to become 50/50 between kissing and biting/nibbling. That’s the universal “ok I want to” signal for Rai. Usually very quickly followed by a soft “yes?” or “are you sure?”, either against her skin or into her ear, depending on where she’s kissing at the time; because she’ll always check first, and if Lana says “no”, it’s off, because Lana’s consent is more important than any of her feelings.

For Lana, it’s when she’ll let Rai pick her up and/or usually to pin her to a wall. There’s a decent height difference, Saarai’s 6 ft 3, and I headcanon that while Lana’s not necessarily “short” at around 5 ft 8, she’s considerably smaller than Rai, as well as being more “reserved” with PDA, she’ll hold hands, or kiss her on the cheek etc. in front of other people, but otherwise Lana tries to keep somewhat “professional” while they’re at work. So when she starts climbing her like a tree, Rai knows she’s about to get some. XD

Do they have kids?

Kiiiinddd of? It’s complicated. Saarai has a son, Ty, from a previous relationship. Lana & Koth both sort of step up to help co-parent, but since Sith Purebloods age differently (i.e. they’re adults at ~20ish the same as humans, but after that they’re more like elves and their physical aging slows down, so they’re more long-lived), even though Ty’s very young by Pureblood standards, he’s still 60 years old, so he’s technically older than Lana and it’s kind of awkward for him to actually call her mom even if she kind of acts like one. He accidentally called her “mom” once, it was very awkward for both of them XD

What has been the most protective Lana has ever had of said kid?

I sat and scratched my head for ages trying to think of something to answer this question with, but I’m very sad to say that right now at the time of answering this meme, I don’t have any specific scenes planned out to tell you about! :( But rest assured that Lana absolutely would rush to help Ty if it was ever necessary :D

House pets? Is your Lana a dog person, or Cat person?

Funnily enough, they don’t actually have any pets! I’d like to think of Lana as more of a cat person than a dog person, in my personal opinion. But they have yet to get any pets of their own, maybeee later on, I dunno. Haven’t hit on any solid ideas for them yet, but I feel like if they happened upon a cute kitty they definitely could adopt one at some stage :’3

Do they get freaky on the Alliance Base or in the Shuttles?

They’ve done both, to be honest lol. Thankfully, Saarai’s sneaky enough that they haven’t gotten caught doing it, yet. Thank the Force.

Are their Sparring Matches Flirtatious? Hardcore?

They could go either way, it depends on what kind of mood they’re both in. If Lana’s particularly annoyed (usually not at Rai, but sometimes) then it’s more likely to be a hardcore spar, Rai’s a pretty tough cookie so she’ll often offer to be Lana’s punching bag in order to spare them some repair bills so she doesn’t rip apart the training dummies irrepairably, it’s okay, Rai can take it ;)

But if they’re both in an otherwise good mood and are just sparring for practise sakes, then yes, they often very quickly devolve into flirtacious banter and some of the classics, you know, “okay you win, you can let me go now” “mmm, nah” “I thought we were sparring” “do you want me to stop” “...don’t you dare.” etc. :’D

Class Specific things that play into their relationship?

Saarai’s a Juggernaut, and I headcanon Lana’s probably some sort of Sorcerer, so they tend to fight as such. They cover each other in more ways than one, if you want to get to Lana you have to go through Saarai first (and good luck to you, that woman can take and give a fucking beating lmao). Lana picks off whatever Saarai’s saber misses, usually with Force attacks but sometimes with her saber, too. Saarai takes bullets for Lana so Lana doesn’t have to get hurt. Lana yells at Rai for doing that and then fixes her up with Force healing afterwards, rinse and repeat. :’D

When they do argue, Lana tends to spontaneously manifest Force lightning, Saarai’s used to it and doesn’t bat an eyelid, she knows Lana’s not actually going to throw it at her and she’s more than prepared to dodge any stray bolts that do come her way.

Lana’s the tactician and the ground support, Saarai’s the battering ram/the bigass hammer used to clear space when Lana needs a bit of extra “oomph” (and trust me, they’re usually never far apart. The other one will be there and then you’ll be in trouble lmao)

Describe a time your OC went ‘Full beast mode’ to protect Lana, instead of the other way around?

"Kriff. Koth, what happened?” Three words was all it took, and everything made sense: “They hurt Lana.”

That scene in the Endless Swamps on Zakuul, just before they pull the Gravestone out of it and Lana and the Commander get ambushed. Saarai went with Lana & Koth to break Vano out of carbonite (since Saarai was still on Rishii at the time, she doesn’t get frozen, only Vano) so when they split up, Saarai goes with Koth to look for ship parts while Vano goes with Lana to look for water.

Lana and Vano get ambushed by the Knights/Skytroopers, and Lana’s hand gets busted. It takes Saarai and Koth a little while to rush over there to help them, but when they do

Saarai. Goes. Fucking. Feral. It’s the scariest she’s ever been in front of Lana and Lana will never forget it, they almost didn’t really need Senya’s help for that part, Saarai basically had it covered. I imagine Lana later described it as “kind of hot, but also kind of terrifying, actually”

Saarai’s considered Chaotic Good, so generally speaking if there’s a peaceful, non-violent solution to a problem, she’ll opt for that, but she has a few buttons that you just do not want to push, ever. And hurting her partners is one of those buttons. She will go apeshit and that’s exactly what happened in the swamp lmao

Little things couples do to annoy each other. What does Lana do? What does your OC do?

Saarai likes to wake up early and hide Lana’s kaf mug in increasingly ridiculous places. Once, she even got Koth to help her stick it to the top of the Gravestone’s hull. It took Lana half the morning to find it, Lana was not amused. XD

Saarai and Koth also have an ongoing “terrible puns” contest where they basically see who can annoy Lana with the most ridiculous puns possible, see this post for an example :P Lana wonders where/how they keep coming up with these puns, she really does.

Does Lana get jealous in your headcanon?

Not really! In Subterfugeverse, both Rai and Lana are polyam, so generally speaking, jealousy isn’t a problem for them, and when it is it’s more of a case of “hey. Hey. Hey, I’m not getting enough attention, pay attention to me.” and then it’s usually dealt with and all is well ;)

When Lana meets Anri, the only thing Saarai does is tease her about “when she’s going to make the move”. 😜

Story that is prominent in their relationship?

I was gonna draw a little doodle for this but the poses kept not coming out right so I gave up, sorryyy qAq

I haven’t gotten very far into planning the SoR onwards+ segments of Subterfugeverse, just bits and bobs like this, but I’d say for now the most prominent is probably their first meeting on Rishii. Basically, meet-cute but with a lightsaber involved too hahaha. There was a lot of posturing and flirty subtext right from the get-go with these two, even if Saarai was particularly suspicious at first (see the earlier question about her being technically dead to the Empire). At first, when she noticed Lana tailing Ty (because Lana was extremely confused about why a Pureblood was so far from Sith space ;)), Saarai assumed that something had happened to her twin and the Empire had A) found out she and Ty were still alive and B) Sent Lana to track them down and kill them for good. Several tension-loaded hours later and Lana managed to convince Rai that actually, Ni’kasi was fine and speaking of, she was trying to avoid being killed too so maybe, actually, they could help each other. And that was all she wrote <3

[apenapaperandadoofus]

(not angst here, sorry) So, Jumin said he had a imaginary friend at 7 (this maybe this is a joke), but what if it was real? What if it was at the island he was sent alone at 6? And what if it wasn't imaginary? But a kid that it wasn't supposed to be there (because their mother worked there) and what if it was a girl? And Jumin meets her again there??

AH ANON THATS ADORABLE AND I LOVE IT

Also might make it a series?? Oooo thank you for the idea nonny!

And I added some music too. I dunno why but you can listen to it while you read it tho!

Imaginary Friend: (Jumin x Fem!MC) Part 1

Song:

You looked at the huge mansion in front of you. You had never seen a house as big as this one, and you always wondered if the people there sometimes got lost on the way to the bathroom, or the kitchen.

You imagined the way the house must’ve looked. Did it have a library? It probably did, with so many books that you might never be able to finish, no matter if you spent your whole life there. Was there a pool? Maybe a garden? You wondered what it looked like. You had seen that in some rich people’s homes the gardens all had funny bushes in shape of animals, or people. You thought it was kind of dumb, really, to have a bush shaped as an elephant, but you also really wanted to see one for some reason. It was silly, really. You wondered what it must be like, living in that huge house. Was the person living there lonely? Did they like it, or where they sad about it?

Walking in those cold halls at night, no one around to say goodnight, to tuck you away or give you a goodnight kiss.

It felt...sad.

As you wondered what the person living there must be like, you suddenly felt a cold hand tightly grab your arm, and you quickly looked to the side.

Your mother glared at you through her glasses, a stern look on her face. “Did you hear what I said, Y/N?”

You didn’t. But you didn’t really want to tell her that, you didn’t know what she might do. But you gulped and slowly nodded, admitting your crime. I mean the punishment might be worse if she did find out you had been lying.

Your mother let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed her temples in annoyance. She always did that, was always annoyed with everything and everyone. She wasn’t always like that though, you had vague memories of her smiling and dancing with you in your huge living room. That was before...well before everything went to shit.

Michelle was a tutor. She had been a teacher on one of the best private schools before though.. She was a strict woman, with very little patience, and she shed no mercy for her students. It was the same for her daughter. Your mother had become like that when your father, the CEO of a very prestigious company left her for his receptionist, a man named Kyle. You never got why your mother hated him so much, since you remember that whenever you went to visit your father, Kyle would be ready for you with a huge bag of candy, and hey, who would hate someone who always gave you such delicacies?

Still, your mother obviously didn’t care for the candy, and she was filled with an immense rage. That was when she began to change. First she threw every possession of your father in the trash and burned it. Then she promised that she would never marry again, after many failed attempts to get another partner. Your mother became colder after you had to sell your house, and move to South Korea, Seoul with the little money you had left.

There she managed to find plenty of jobs that paid well, money seemed to be the only thing that satisfied her. And so, when she got the chance to teach the son of a billionare owner of one of the most famous companies in Seoul, your mother couldn’t refuse. She was the perfect candidate, she was a smart woman who had many achievements after all. Thus, a week later after that strange phone call she didn’t hestitate when she pulled you out of your school, packed your bags and flew you to an island that you had never heard of before. She of course had to bring you, I mean what else could she have done? She made it abundantly clear though that you were a weight on her shoulders that she hated carrying.

“Y/N!!” Your mother shouted again, and you nervously looked at her. She pushed you away from the huge mansion, instantly pulling you away from your daydreaming of whoever might be living there. “Listen darling, I’ve explained this to you on the plane, but I’ll do it again, since I’m sure it went through one ear and out of the other. You need to follow my every order in here alright? This is a very important opportunity for mommy, and you can’t screw this up.” She glared at you when she said that and you guiltily looked at the ground. She was always afraid you were going to somehow screw up even at the simplest of things. “I will be teaching a boy here. His father hired me to tutor him for a whole year, but we might get more if we’re lucky. When I’m away I’m going to need you to stay in your new room to keep busy, I don’t want you to move from there, alright?”

Hearinf that you excitedly turned around and gave your mother a big smile. “Mum, will we be living in that mansion?! And is there really a boy?! Can I meet him?”

“Absolutely not. We won’t be living there, and you won’t even set a foot on that place. We’ll be living on a place nearby. Look here we are.” Your mother pointed behind you while she said it.

You turned to look and felt your stomach drop as you looked at your new...home.

Having stared at the magnificent mansion and your hopes just going through the roof, what you felt as you looked at the sad little house in front of you was greater than disappointment.

It was awful. You wrinkled your nose as your mother pushed you to keep up with her, as she took out a set of keys and opened the ugly little door.

The home was...actually pretty nice. But not as nice as a mansion. The walls were a very dull white, and the first thing you saw was a boring living room, the a brown leather couch in the middle, with a TV hanging on the wall. Someone had put some paintings to hang on the walls, as if to try and make the place look livelier, but they had clearly failed. You saw that on the two walls of the living room were four sets of doors, two o each wall. While your mother went out to talk to the men behind you carrying your luggage, you decided to go and explore. First you went to the last door on the right, behind the couch, and you opened it to find a big room.

It was the master bedroom, that was probably were your mother was staying. The room was actually quite spacious, with a big king bed in the center of the wall, and a wooden desk on the side. On the corner of the room there was another door, which led to a bathroom that contained a bath tub and, well, the things that bathrooms have. It was nothing special but it did look pretty, like those fancy hotel bathrooms you had seen before on trips with your mom and dad.

You quickly left the room and opened the door beside it. It led to the kitchen. Why did the kitchen have a door? Who the hell knows, you are a 7 year old kid, not an architect, so you couldn’t really answer the question. Still the kitchen wasn’t that bad. It was still the same dull white, like the whole house, but it was pretty. Off to the side was a little room that had a washing machine, and a dryer. Boring.

You left and went to the other side of the living room. Your mother was now standing in the main doorway, screaming at the poor moving staff guys. You felt bad for them, since you knew that your mother would never stop once she started nagging at you, and you decided to quickly run away to avoid her anger. When you opened the door you saw a room. It was still big, but smaller than your mothers. It had a huge window, with sliding doors that led to the backyard...or what you assumed was a backyard, since it was mostly forest. The island was pretty green and had a lot of trees, which you thought would be fun climbing.

As you looked at your new room, you thought of all the changes you had to make. First of all, you’re painting all the damn walls because those things are ugly. You’re also going to place those neon star stickers that shine in the dark, your father gave them to you for one of your birthdays, a whole pack, and you had a few you could use on the roof. You mentally planned where to put all your stuffed animals, and your books, although you didn’t have many and they were all boring.

Your mother didn’t like you reading fantasy books, and while you enjoyed a bit reading about the life of Thomas Eddison, or just something about math or biology, you actually didn’t understand jack shit and wanted to read some nice fantasy books. Your father had given you some before but your mother burned them when the whole Kyle scandal happened. Yeah it sucked.

Once again you walked out of your room and opened the last door, which was obviously a bathroom. Then you quickly went inside to your room once again as your mother finished nagging the moving staff. You weren’t dealing with that shit. So you just decided to go and jump on your bed. It was super comfy and you could jump pretty high though you stopped once your mother opened your door and shouted at you to get your ass down from there, dragging a bunch of your boxes into your room and telling you to start unpacking.

That was the most boring evening of your life. You wanted to explore! To see if there was anyone in that mansion! And you also wanted to try and find that boy your mother was talking about. But you couldn’t do any of that, since the next day you had to help unpack more boxes. And then more. And more. Why were there so many boxes?!

Still, finally that hell was over. For you at least. You had your room all in order, your toys off in one side, some books piled on your desk, and the stars on the walls (you weren’t able to reach the ceiling and your mother was in a horrible mood, so you couldn’t really ask her -unless you wanted to die of course.-)

You sat on the couch while your mother unboxed loads of teaching materials, books and everything else. You both stayed quiet until you looked out the window and then back at your mother.

“Mum, I want to visit the boy you’re going to teach. Can you teach us together?” You asked. Your mother didn’t look at you as she replied. “Don’t be silly, of course not. And this boy is learning more advanced things, I’m not sure you’ll be able to catch up.”

You crossed your arms and angrily glared at the floor. Then you looked back up at your mom. “Can I at least go say hi?”

Your mother rolled her eyes, and replied once again without looking at you. “He’s not here yet. He’s coming in two days. And you aren’t permitted to go outside of the house, you’ll be staying here the whole time. I’ll leave some work for you to do so you can keep busy.”

“But-”

“Enough. Now why don’t you go to your room and play a bit? You’re giving mommy a headache.”

You went to your room, sulking of course, as you made up snarky comments you could’ve used on your mum in your mind. Of course you were never going to say them, but it was a nice way to let off some steam. And so, that night you went to bed, still angrily cursing your mother.

.

.

.

.

Your mom didn’t let you leave your home for a whole week. You didn’t realize that much time had gone by, but when you checked your little calendar hanging on your door, you realized; the boy your mother is teaching must be here already!!! She had started leaving the house everyday, but you never paid that much attention to it. So that day, at 12pm in the afternoon, you finally decided that you were going to explore the place (and find out where the boy your mother talked about lived! -You were suspecting it was the huge mansion you saw back there-)

You put on your coat and your favorite sneakers, quickly left your room, and then popped your head out of the doorway to check that no one was around. Your mother always came home at about 4-5pm, so you had plenty of time. You also had a pretty watch that you had gotten when you turned 6, and you decided to finally use it for what it was meant for (and to not use it just as an accessory because it looked cool.)

When you made sure the coast was clear, you walked down the little path leading to who knows where. But you couldn’t help but walk with a little bounce on your step, excited at what might turn out to be at the end of the path. After walking for a while, looking at insects and picking up pretty flowers you saw on the way a sign. Then farther along there was another house. And then you walked more and there was another one. And then another one. The deeper you went, the more houses appeared and soon you found yourself in a little town of some sorts!

There were more people than you expected, and as you walked you saw that on what appeared to be on the center of the town, there was this huge market!

People there were selling all kinds of fruit, food and dishes, some you didn’t recognize, and some other people were selling flowers, jewelry and clothes. You slowly walked looking at every single thing that the people were selling. The food smelled absolutely delicious, and you loved the patterns of all the clothes.

Then you suddenly bumped into someone.

It was a lady, who appeared to be in her late thirties. You didn’t know this cuz you were a child of course, and kids can’t really guess an adults age. Still, she turned around and was about to shout something at you, when she stopped and then looked down, finally seeing you.

You gave her an apologetic smile, and the woman looked confused for a second before she knelt in front of you and stared at you.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. She sounded a bit mad, but there was a hint of concern there. You gave her the biggest and sweetest smile you could manage, and answered, “I’m exploring of course! I followed the path and I suddenly came here!”

“Is your...guardian anywhere around here? Or did you come alone?” She looked around for someone, anyone who was maybe looking for a lost child. But there was no one.

“Oh you mean mum? She’s somewhere around here. You see, she’s teaching a boy, that lives in that huge mansion!” You pointed where you supposed the mansion was, and the woman raised an eyebrow.

“In the mansion? I don’t think anyone lives there. So is she a teacher? Maybe she could be around here...I’ll help you look for her.”

“No!” You quickly shouted, but then you became still and tried to compose yourself. “Uhm, my mommy...she doesn’t really know I’m here. But you have to promise not to tell! If she finds out she’s going to kill me!”

That didn’t seem to help. But before the woman could answer a hand placed itself on her shoulder, and you looked up at the new person.

It was another lady, and although she seemed to be the same age as the other woman, she appeared younger in a way, more kind and soft.

“Bada, who is this little lady we have here? Don’t tell me you’re going to kidnap her and lock her in with all those other children you’re meaning to cook.”

The woman named Bada glared at the other one, and you immediately felt a chill run down your spine.

Fuck that shit you’re leaving. You quickly turned around but the other lady quickly grabbed you and laughed, a nice bubbly laugh. Your fear of being eaten was even forgotten for a second because the laugh was so contagious.

“I kid, I kid. Bada wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“I could you know-”

“And who might you be? Are you lost?” She said, ignoring the other lady.

You quickly shook your head and explained that you were exploring. At that the woman laughed and Bada once again glared at her.

“It’s nothing to laugh about! Her mother must be worried sick. You can’t just run off like that, you know?” She said.

“Ah Bada! Let her have fun, you were once her age too, and you were more adventurous than her....don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true. Let the kid explore for a bit, it’s nothing harmful.” Then she turned to you. “And what might your name be little explorer?”

You smiled. “It’s Y/N! Nice to meet you!”

She smiled back. “Nice to meet you too Y/N, I’m Eun Jung, you can just call me Eun if you want!”

You had always been warned by your mother about ‘stranger danger’ and that you should of course, never talk with someone you don’t know. But these women seemed different. They gave off an aura that...that seemed to tell you they wouldn’t do anything to you.

As you explained to Eun about the bugs and flowers you had seen along the way, you were interrupted by your stomach growling.

Eun laughed and asked if you wanted to come and eat, and well, FOOD, who would deny?

Bada and Eun lived together in a small little house, decorated with all sort of stuff, paintings and flowers. It looked way better than your dull new home. Bada cooked while Eun made you some tea, and you explained why you were living in the island.

“My mum is teaching the boy that lives in that big mansion!” You told her.

Eun laughed and looked at you quizzically. “Are you sure? Last time I checked, no one has lived there for more than 40 years. Maybe your mother is teaching somewhere else.”

“Mmm...but the mansion didn’t look that old! Are you sure there’s no one living there?”

“Of course there isn’t.” Bada chipped in, as she walked in from the kitchen into the living room. Your mouth watered as she placed the food on the little round table in front of you, and you almost immediately forgot about what you were talking about. Bada had made some Kimchi, a food you hadn’t really tried before. You had moved from the UK barely a year ago, and your mother and you never went out to eat, so you never really tried any of the Korean dishes.

You took a bite and let out a satisfied sigh. Then you looked up at Bada and remembered what you were talking about. “Whaddya mwean of cwourse there isn’t? Mhm, there has to be someone right?” You finished saying, while Bada glared at you, probably for speaking while eating.

“If you keep doing that a whale will come out of your mouth.” Eun said. You looked at her in surprise and then shut your mouth. You didn’t know if it was true but you didn’t want to risk it.

“Well, if there was anyone living there, I’d say it was a ghost. That’s the only explanation. And it makes sense, since people say the house is haunted.” Bada finished saying, and Eun rolled her eyes, a smile on her face.

“There are no such things as ghost. Don’t mind her, she’s just so obsessed with that stuff. You have to see the amount of books she has about the matter.”

“You never know, they might be real, and if they are, I’ll at least be prepared.” She glared back and Eun smiled more. She seemed to really like to tease Bada, and you thought it was hilarious. But you had to push that aside to ask for the most important things.

1st, There’s ghosts in the mansion?

And 2nd, Bada has books about ghosts? That’s still way better than the stupid math books your mother is making you read.

Bada replied that yes, there are 100% ghosts in there, and that she had plenty of books about the matter. When you asked if you could borrow one it took a bit of convincing, mostly from Eun to get her to agree.

You left their home at 3pm, your tummy full and a bunch of books in your arms (there were some other fantasy ones Eun had given you), with both ladies telling you to come again.

You happily made your way back to your home, skipping all the way, and you stopped when you passed by the mansion. Even though it was early afternoon, the place seemed dark and gloomy. You shuddered as you looked at it.

You were about to leave, when you saw something...or rather someone by the window...

You immediately turned around and ran to your home. Nope. Not dealing with that today. You had eaten too much and you were tired, the ghosts will have to wait until tomorrow.

You locked the front door and went to your bedroom, grabbing your biggest plushie (a big lion your father bought you when you were 3) and hid under the covers until you heard the front door open.

You hid the books and walked out, to greet your mother, but she held a hand up before you could speak and set her belongings on the couch. “Not now Y/N. Mommy’s tired. Did you eat the food in the fridge?”

You nodded.

“Did you eat it all?”

You shook your head.

“Then mommy’s going to bed and you can eat what’s left ok? Don’t come and bother me, I’m too tired.”

And with that, she left the living room and went to her room, locking the door behind her.

You stood in silence for a bit before going to the kitchen and eating what was left from what your mother had made you.

Honestly you hadn’t eaten anything, since you had dinner and Bada’s and your mother was a terrible cook, but now you were hungry again and it was what was left, so you couldn’t do anything about it.

That night you ate in your room and stared out at the window. And then you realized...if you went out into the little porch your room had, and you looked a bit to the side, you could see a part of the mansion. You couldn’t really see clearly since all the lights were off, but that wasn’t stopping you from snooping.

Were there really ghosts there? Were they nice, or were they like the ones in those horror movies your friends talked about?

The book that Bada gave you didn’t seem to help though, since your fear only became bigger and bigger the more you read. It said that ghosts could possess people, make them do things they didn’t want to. Also if the ghost was there because it couldn’t move on, be it for anger or revenge, it might kill you.

That didn’t sound good at all. You shuddered as you closed the book and turned off your torch, finally getting ready for bed.

But then you saw it again. A figure on the window.

You stood staring at it, you don’t know for how long, but then it disappeared and you quickly ran off into your bedroom, locking the door and quickly bidding under your covers, turning the torch on again.

You didn’t know what the ghost wanted. You didn’t know if it was nice or not. You were honestly really scared. But still...a part deep inside of you was filled with curiosity. You wanted to see the ghost. You actually...wanted to meet it.

And so, you made up your mind. Tomorrow, you were going to sneak into the mansion and try to find the ghost. It would be your next adventure.

Your smile in victory as you imagined what would happened once you found the ghost. You would take your camera and take a picture of it, then you’d come and show it to Eun and Bada, and then your mother. You knew if you sold this picture you could probably make thousands, millions of dollars. People paid really well for ghost pictures. Hell, they might even make a movie of you experience! You could become famous, and your mother would be finally satisfied, having enough money to keep her happy.

You went to sleep with those sweet fantasies in the back of your mind.

Tomorrow, no matter what, you were going to capture that ghost.

[angrymongol01-archived]

A/N: Am reposting two of my shelved discontinued fem!Hinata fics from my old blog here (for exposure ig? Also I didn't delete them completely there, they're just posted privately lol); for those who've read the original post before and wondering why this blog repost another blog's work, supplies~!! OP here, filling this blog with some Haikyuu content from last October. Enjoy ^^;; ALSO DO NOT SEND HATE ORZ smh

My Masterlist

Prologue | 01 | Omake 01

tho it doesn't looked like an extra chapter at all smh ahaha

Omake 01

wc: 1.9k words

warning: mentions of thigh touching (and probs kidnapping but not implied), a bit of OOC-ness, a few ‘damn’ mentions.

note: indented paragraphs -> flashbacks

*NOTE: since purple/violet is unavailable via PC (using desktop beta lol), I'll use yellow for Ushijima instead.

“…ta…nata…Hinata!”

A female’s voice continued calling her from her deep slumber.

The faint smell of ammonia wafted in the air.

Eyelids slowly opened as she regained consciousness.

“Ah, thank goodness you’re awake now, Hina-chan!”

“Yachi-san?” She groggily glanced at her friend.

“I’ll tell the others she’s awake!” Suddenly, the owner of that voice earlier, Date Tech’s manager, Nametsu Mai, stood up and headed outside the door. Yachi nodded her thanks.

“W-what happened… Where am I? Is this not our—the managers’—room?” she asked.

Hinata started to sit up from where she was laying but wobbled.

Luckily, Yachi and their second-year senpai Kinoshita Hisashi helped her out and gently positioned their fellow member on one corner of the classroom-slash-makeshift sleeping area.

Her senpai sheepishly replied to Hinata, “This is Date Tech’s sleeping quarters. We were having our first practice match of the day, against them, when Sugawara-san called to inform that they’ve found you together with Shiratorizawa, and their captain carried you on—“

The decoy shivered, thinking about the restroom incident hours ago.

“—and fainted on Ushijima’s shoulder. Ma~n, Suga-san’s so furious back then Kageyama had to stop him from killing them.” Kinoshita chuckled.

“Your room’s kinda far away from where they found you, so the managers decided to drop you off here since it’s the nearest one.”

Hinata sweatdropped, a bit embarrassed.

“Ah… thank you, and sorry for whatever inconvenience I have caused earlier…”

Yachi shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine! You’ve done nothing wrong, Hina-chan~,” she grinned at the orange-haired girl.

Smiled back also.

Then she suddenly facepalmed. “I forgot about the practice match! Is it still going yet?”

“It finished an hour ago, we lost—2-1,” a scowling Kageyama answered, trudging towards the three.

“K-k-kageyama…!!!” the female middle blocker blanched with fear, hands gripping the blanket draped on her lap, while the raven-haired setter shot a menacing glare at her, which she averted. “I’m… I’m sorry for—“

“Are you alright?” he quietly asked Hinata, his hand perched on her head.

His deep blue eyes swimming with concern and worry.

She felt a slight flush on her cheeks while meeting his gaze.

“H-hai, I’m fine!” the chibi assured Kageyama. “Nothing to worry about, Bakayama-kun~!”

And she smiled at him.

The boy suddenly became hot and turned to look away from her, hiding his flustered face with the back of his hand.

“H-hinata boke… idiot,” Kageyama stuttered, his heart thumping louder than normal.

Ahh… he sure is whipped for Hinata, that Kageyama boy, Kinoshita thought, shaking his head.

While their blonde manager only giggled.

Recovering from his blushing mess a while ago, the raven-haired setter took a deep breath, narrowed his eyes at Hinata and quipped.

“But I guess you do know that we lost in the match earlier because of your carelessness around your surroundings, right, dumbass?”

He smirked.

This pissed the female decoy and threw in some punches at Kageyama, which he constantly dodged. “Shut up, you!! I said I’m sorry, alright?!”

“No, you did not!”

“Yes, I did, Bakayama!”

There goes their ‘lovers’ quarrel’ again… hahaha…

“Hinata!” Sugawara’s sweet voice boomed inside the room as he entered together with their team’s captain Sawamura Daichi. Beside them tagged along Hinata’s friend from Date Tech, fellow middle blocker Aone Takanobu.

“Ah, Sugawara-san!” The first-year idiot duo stopped their bickering when the gray-haired setter all of a sudden hugged her.

Hc’d Suga and Hinata are chummy-chummy but in a mother/daughter sort of way.

He is, after all, Karasuno’s Sugamama.

“Honey, are you alright now? Did those Shiratorizawa bastards hurt you? Don’t lie to me!” She blinked in reply, baffled.

He might cry in an instant now—

“Oi, Suga, calm down,” Daichi said, drawing circles at the fellow third-year’s back to calm him down.

Aone then stepped closer besides Hinata and sat with his legs crossed, his eyes gazing at hers like Kageyama’s.

“Are you okay?” he asked her, his deep voice nearly startled both Hinata, Yachi and Kinoshita.

Date Tech’s one-third of the famous Iron Wall is a man of few words, and his replies were mostly grunts, hand gestures, and nods.

So it’s rare for him to speak, or ask a question, especially to a member of the opposite sex—or, in this case, at Karasuno’s Number 10. At Hinata Shouyou.

She held both hands at Aone’s now flustered cheeks, and grinned.

“I’m okay now, Aone-san! Don’t worry too much~ nn?” She tilted her head while looking at him.

C-cute… she’s cute, No-Eyebrows thought to himself. Even the other boys thought so, too.

Then he nodded.

Hinata patted his shoulders. “Good!”

Ahhh the power of friendship, feat. AoHina—

“Say, Hina-chan,” Yachi looked at the orange-haired girl. “Care to say to us why you fainted on Ushijima-san’s shoulder?”

The chibi stilled herself, cheeks starting to get a bit red. Kageyama noticed it.

“A-a-ano!! H-hinata-chan, it’s o-okay if you d-don’t have to tell us! S-sorry for asking such a foolish q-question—“

“Yachi-san, calm yourself down, too—,” the captain sweatdropped.

Looking at the people around her, Hinata slowly opened her mouth to speak.

“My thighs are kind of ticklish when being touched,” she muttered, face in an embarrassed state.

“Ha?” “Ticklish?”

“He—Ushijima-san touched the back of my thighs, but just to keep myself from falling down his shoulder!” the female middle blocker said aloud, pouting. “That’s why I… f-fainted earlier.”

Her partner remembered the face she made while being carried on Ushijima Wakatoshi’s shoulder.

“USHIJIMA-SA—hyaah! …P-please… stop—“

A vein pop ticked on the raven-haired setter’s face, his jawline twitching slightly.

Kageyama’s fists gripped hard, his face a big scowling mess.

Damn that Ushiwaka guy—

Another dark aura emitted on another corner as vein pops ticked on both Dadchi and Sugamama.

Wearing their scary faces.

Both Hinata, Yachi and Kinoshita panicked, while Aone furrowed his brows.

“Did you bring some shovels, Daichi?”

“They’re inside the bus compartment, Suga.”

“Good. We’re digging some graves for some perverted volleyball dorks to bury down later—wanna help us, Kageyama?”

———

Meanwhile, at Shiratorizawa’s side of the training camp, the members were at the sidelines, taking a break from practice when—

“ACHOO!!!” Tendou sniffled for the nth time already ever since coming back to the gym with Ushijima after the incident with Karasuno’s Number 10. “Uh, yizz…”

“Tendou-san, are you really alright?” their team’s first-year ace-in-the-making Goshiki Tsutomu asked, his face scrunched with worry. “You’re sneezing constantly.”

The redhead shook it off with a wave of his hand in reply, and smiled grimly.

“Yeah, I’m a-OK, thanks for your concern, Tsutomu-kun!”

“Oi, are you sick?” Shiratorizawa’s team mom third-year setter Semi Eita stared at his fellow third-year teammate with disgust. “If you are, please stay away from us! We don’t wanna get infected by your cold… Goshiki, don’t go near him!” “Eh? But, senpai—“

Tendou narrowed his eyes on him. “Semi-Semi, if I do have a cold, I will first go straight at ya and share my germs, duh!”

“DON’T CALL ME BY THAT STUPID NICKNAME, YOU IDIOT!” the team mom seethed, throwing a pack of tissues at the middle blocker in reply, hitting his arm.

A quarrel ensued at Shiratorizawa—

“Okay, guys, that’s enough! Save your bickering later at lunch period,” another third-year, Oohira Reon, chided and managed to stop both Tendou and Semi from tearing off their heads.

While the rest of the team just sighed and/or watched at a distance.

“Ano sa…”

Some of them turned their heads at the semi-deep voice of second-year starting setter Shirabu Kenjiro.

Idk how to describe voice ranges ‘cept high-pitch, deep blah blah sorry—

“Tendou-san, you mentioned earlier that you and Ushijima-san met Karasuno’s Number 10, right?”

“Aye~ we have!” the redhead then nudged Ushijima, who was sitting near him, on the side. “Right, Wakatoshi-kun?”

He nodded. “Un. We met Hinata Shouyou early this morning, outside the gym.”

“EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! You two met that cute sunshine already upon arrival!?!!” Both their libero, Yamagata Hayato, and middle blocker, Kawanishi Taichi, squawked at their captain.

Their faces looked like (‘◉⌓◉’), with Kawanishi gripping the collar of Shirabu’s shirt, shaking wildly.

“T-taichi, stop shaking me, goddammit—!” Whack!

Said second-year middle blocker started to wail in a dramatic way.

“WHYYYYYYYYYYY—!!”

Dunno how to grasp Kawanishi’s personality here tbh so stfu dejk—

“We were about to bring her here back though…” Then Ushijima’s usual stoic face darkened a bit.

“…if only those Karasuno setters didn’t show up.”

“Ah, that Kageyama guy and their vice-captain, isn’t it? Number 2?” Shirabu pointed out. “That guy’s really scary even though he has the face of an angel; their captain also.”

Oohira asked, “Wait… so you two attempted to kidnap the girl?”

“No, no, ‘kidnapping’ will only cause us trouble,” Tendou said, waving his hand in a disapproving way.

“Let’s call it ‘luring her with some sweets then put her inside a potato sack’—“

“ARE YOU A DOWNRIGHT LOLICON!?!!” Semi screamed straight at the Guess Monster’s face, pissed at his earlier statement.

Tendou vs Semi, Round 2–

“I-I heard from Date Tech’s Koganegawa-san that Hinata-chan fainted on you, Ushijima-san,” Goshiki stammered, red tinge on both his cheeks due to embarrassment, maybe? “Is that true?”

Ushiwaka nodded curtly. “Ye—“

“EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! SHE DID WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?!!” Both Yamagata and Kawanishi squawked again, interrupting his response.

Their faces now looked like (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾, with Kawanishi again gripping the collar of Shirabu’s shirt, shaking wildly.

“KAWANISHIIIIII!” An uppercut.

Chaos ensued inside the Shiratorizawa Academy (High School Division) Men’s Volleyball Club.

Their captain declared to himself, his olive-colored eyes shone with determination:

We will take Hinata Shouyou here, in Shiratorizawa. She should have (come here). Whatever the consequences be.

“WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU SLACKING OFF, YOU NIMRODS!!! GET YOUR ASSES BACK TO PRACTICE!!!!”

“HAI!!!!”

———

How did the supposed-to-be ‘rumor’ begin? It all started when…

“Aaaarrrggghhh!! This is not right, Ryuu!”

“Huh? What d’you mean ‘not right’, Noya?”

“I want to sit next to our cute kouhai Shouyou on the bus earlier, but it’s always that bastard Kageyama who gets to sit beside her!! Hnnnnnngh—!!! He gets to touch Shouyou’s hair whenever she dozes off, or place her head on his shoulder to sleep on! Or-or maybe even take a candid shot of her sleeping cutely—dammit!!! This is frustrating!!!!!”

“Ahhh~ I know how you feel, bro! I, too, want to sit next to our precious Hinata-chan on the bus! B-but… Noya, what about Kiyoko-san?”

“Ryuu bro, our loyalty is always on our beautiful goddess Kiyoko-san—BUT SHE’S DIFFERENT FROM SHOUYOU! Our kouhai is literally the epitome of a living sunshine~! She cures our blues away! Remember that time during our match with Wakunan, when you were kind of down about Daichi-san’s injury then Shouyou suddenly hugged and peppered you with words of encouragement?”

“Oh, yeah! It calmed my senses down… and also! Remember when you came back from your suspension, and me and Hinata noticed bruises—“

idk I really need to refresh my HQ knowledge by rereading the whole manga orz—

“—on your arms? Ma~n, she freaked out and began applying those with some ointment she had in her bag. And you told me later that time Hinata’s hands were very soft even though she spiked and blocked so many balls in her lifetime? Also that expression on your face! So priceless!”

“Ahhhh~ I wanna touch Shouyou’s soft hands again longer! Not just a high five—but holding hands!”

“Me too~ Damn, I wish there’d be some kind of (rotational?) seating arrangement whenever we’re on the bus, traveling to matches and stuff…”

“Ryuu! Noya! Heya!”

“Tora! Our shitty (city) boy from Tokyo—wassup!”

“We can’t wait to play another game against you guys later! ww”

“Same here!”

“Ah, what are you guys talking about?”

“OUR PRECIOUS KOUHAI HINATA/SHOUYOU!!!”

“Eh? Shrimpy-chan? What about her?”

“It’s like this….—“

The two crows and mohawked cat walked their way inside the camp premises, talking.

Unbeknownst to them, two eagles accidentally eavesdropped on the earlier conversation.

DO NOT REPOST/EDIT WITHOUT PERMISSION. PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME, KIDS. LIKES ESPECIALLY REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED. ALL WORKS © angrymongol01 - 2021.

[skittlewaffle]

Oh! explain the dream!

*cracks knuckles*

So I think it all started in the middle of the series. Like how your friends show you season 2 or 3 of a show you haven’t seen season 1 of :P It was like I was in a version of Demon Slayer that took place across like.. from my own neighborhood to New Jersey for some reason?? I swear my own identity was changing between characters like Tanjro and Nezuko, but despite that I never stopped being me, and everyone in the dream recognized that.

First thing I remember was me having a quick flashback to my backstory (which happened later in the dream when I rewinded to season 1 lol; I’ll explain it now so it makes more sense chronologically). My mom was driving me to NJ to show me the demon slayer training camp. It was.. more militaristic than I expected...? Like literally we were driving on a dirt path in a ditch just deep enough to avoid the gunfire of people at target training overhead. I kept telling my mom to turn around cause I was scared, but she went kinda crazy and drove forward faster. I guess I just kinda clipped outside of the car before it crashed into the main building and started a fire, as well as an uprising. I was trying to find safety while people around me fought each other.. for some reason bees was a major cause of death; guess there were a lot of hives. But it resulted in HUGE piles of dead bees afterwards. Anyways, I had climbed up a wooden tower and stayed there until everything had blown over and someone told me to come down. (Also I swear Laurent Thierry was there too hdbcjsn) It’s kinda blurry, but I think this might’ve been where I first saw Giyu.

Back to where I started, we were by the driveway of my house. I think I had broken my bike after riding it a little, and I suddenly got flashbacks of my mom’s death in that car crash. Giyu came out from the driveway and asked me what was wrong. I kinda went off topic from what I was thinking and began to vent to him about how useless I was as a demon slayer, and a fighter in general. I think these were my real life insecurities making it’s way into my dreams because I’m currently having a rough time with my dad. Giyu was walking around and going off about how that’s not true, while I got teary-eyed. My laptop was in front of me so I typed while he spoke, allowing him to come back to it when he was done talking for the time being. He understood that I was too upset to say things out loud. He came back to read what I typed: that I had an argument with my dad recently and that he’s been telling me negative things about me. And Giyu said something along the lines of, “Don’t listen to him. Your dad can’t tell you what you think or feel, or who you are as a person.”

You know what happened afterwards? We hugged. We had a real hug and it felt so nice... I never get hugs like that from anyone irl except for the person who just happens to be my abuser. I often only hug my dad to keep him appeased and so he doesn’t lecture me about how distant I’ve become. So to share affection not coldly, but out of genuine love, with someone who really does care about me, was a breath of fresh air. It was a fairly long hug, too.

Afterwards, he invited me to ride out of the neighborhood on our bikes. Mine was broken so he gave me this electronic scooter I could sit down on. I felt so small compared to him as we rode out, but the good kind of small!

So we stopped at a corner outside the gas station by our house. And suddenly, we were surrounded by bullies. No bueno. Some of them just kinda stood there and watched, while others took action against us. I was still sitting on my scooter until some girl kicked me off, and I looked at her, trying to seem uninterested. I was on and off fighting people back and just standing there and taking it, like Giyu was. He wasn’t doing a thing until suddenly, he started running back towards the neighborhood. He was a little out of character, shaking his head and trying not to cry while some bullies managed to keep up with him and hit him a bunch. This is when I got outwardly angry. I shoved the girl and picked my scooter up (it turned into some fancy skateboard lol) and I whacked every other person with it while I chased after the most powerful bully on Giyu’s back, who looked a lot like Genya. Normally, in chases like these, the dream would slow me down to where I’m not able to run, but I was filled with Tanjiro’s indignation. I ran as fast as I possibly could and did that thing where they seem to teleport in their run, and once I reached the guy, that slow-mo scene happened where I kick him in the back and he falls, emphasizing the impact he makes on the ground before I chop him on the chest / shoulder on his bounce up, knocking him out.

... I think he dropped an item as they do in video games lol,, it was a box of big puzzle pieces, which I guess had some kind of significant meaning other than being a trophy of my win. Later, Giyu and I rented a little hotel room and began to settle in. We had two of these boxes, which we put on a little shelf on the dresser. He placed the demon slayer manga on top of it lol. Y’know?? We started to live a domestic life there!! We were able to comfortably talk to each other and make eye contact n such haha... When I asked him what he wanted for lunch / dinner and he answered chicken-something (I don’t remember.. some Japanese dish maybe) I said in my mind, I dunno how to make that, but I’ll cook anything for you babe ♡ When he was arranging stuff in our mini fridge and he asked me to hold the door open for him even tho it stayed open by itself,, I had to ask why. And he HECCIN complimented the way I open the door ?? He basically said that it blew his mind. Uhm, excuse me?? Normally, nothing impressed him much, especially how someone opens doors. Now that I think about it, it might be a nod to me struggling to open up sometimes, and that he was proud of me for doing so 🥺 or maybe he just thought I was beautiful in general hdncjdnx... (I was wearing colors like Nezuko’s btw, just thought I’d mention that cause I love her outfit.)

He went out of character again at the ending “Taisho Era Secret” sequence. He was with Shinobu and he accidentally started going off about how wonderful I was. His behavior was almost a toned down version of Zenitsu’s and he ran away afterwards out of embarrassment! Not something I’d normally imagine him doing, but it was sweet nonetheless. Shinobu just kinda stood there like “Oh my!” before giving the viewers the Taisho Era Secret they were waiting for. I don’t remember what it was or if it even happened lol

There might be a few things I didn’t write down soon enough to remember vividly, but still. It’s this very dream that made me simp for Giyu Tomioka. Show me emotional support (in a comfortable, sensitive, and caring way), and my heart belongs to you. And guess who did that? Giyu. And for someone as quiet and reclusive as him, it means so much to me.

[subarashiet]

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

[babystray-rescuecat]

Bo and Dimsum kittens update part 5: bad news, more bad news, and then good news

Dumpling is preggo. 😩

Ever since that whole fiasco when I foiled Dumpling’s attempt to elope with Romeo, I’d been keeping her in the crate. I let her out only from 2-4 pm when it was just too hot for her in the crate. All the cats would be full from lunch at this time and all they did was nap either in the garage, on the front porch, or in the garden under the big tree. Dumpling usually napped under the tree.

On Wednesday, April 22, I noticed Dumpling’s nipples got big and pink! That was the first sign of pregnancy I noticed with both Bo and Ellie. I think that happens around the three-week mark. So counting back, Dumpling got preggo when she was just around 6 months. 😞

I’m in shock. This is the complete opposite of what I was trying to do! I’m so upset I wasn’t able to get her spayed before the quarantine. She had that infection and her platelet level was low and I don’t even know if that’s still the case today. But she got more energy and appetite when she got pregnant.

I’m even more mad at myself bc I knew she could be fertile starting at four months. I should have kept her completely crated. But she’d pant and breathe heavy if I kept her in there all afternoon.

My mom said she saw Wonton and Dumpling having sex! I was out getting supplies and this was in the hot afternoon hours! Now I’m triple upset at myself that I let that happen! 😖

Now more bad news... we had a heatwave this past week (like 40 degrees! 😣), so that 2-4pm free time to nap on the cooler soil changed from 12-6pm. I figure she’s already pregnant anyway. She can’t get double pregnant. And since she got preggo, she stayed close. Never once went out to the street. And recently came running when I called. So I wasn’t too worried. But then she went down into the garage at around 6pm two days ago and she disappeared. I put out smelly wet food. Kept her litter box untouched. Called for her. Nothing. Nothing for 48 hours!

Good news now... I got her back!

Called for her again and heard frantic meowing at 9pm last night. And the only meowing heard here is... a cat either asking a human for food, yowling to search for a mate, or calling out for help. And this meowing was loud and I dunno... I could just tell this cat was in distress. So I walked down the street, following the cries for help, looked over a wall, and just found Dumpling stuck on a roof!

It was a roof of a one story building. An outdoor kitchen in someone’s walled in property. But bc I live on a hill, I had a good vantage point of the houses below and could see her from above. ... I made a rough sketch. Real rough... and an even worse quality video... 😐

Got permission to enter the property. The people were nice. Was in such a panic I forgot to wear a mask tho. We all kept our distance but still... welp.

Had to climb up a half wall next to the roof so I could reach her. (She probably could have jumped down onto this half wall and walked up the hill back home. But she was just so scared. 😢) She came right up to me. Scruffed her with one hand and had a carrier open and ready in the other. Just plopped her right in!

But she got frightened of suddenly having no solid ground beneath her. She clung to the door. Her tail wrapped tight around my arm. But I managed to shoot her butt through the opening. She ended up closing the door herself! Didn’t hiss or scratch once!

She is not allowed to walk about on her own anymore! Especially now that she’s almost to her due date.

Maybe... she went away to look for a better spot to nest. I give her a blanket in the crate, but perhaps she needs a few more cozy options.

I gave her food and water and a nice clean comfy blankie when she got back into her crate. BaoBao and Wonton welcomed her home. Siomai was only interested in the food I prepared for Dumpling. Bo didn’t wake up even as I walked right past her when we got back.

Poor Dumpling was alone out there for 48 hours! It had been raining and then was hot for the rest of the time. I think she had some shade from the adjacent building. But still... she was so hungry and tired. She ate only half her food before passing out. But then quickly woke up and ate the rest.

I feel like I failed her. She’s so small and way too young to be having kittens when she herself is still just a kitten.

I’ve been feeding her kitten food since I noticed her teats got pink and large. Every day she gets a total of about 2.5 cups of food. Two pouches of the kitten wet food with extra pet milk for calcium. And what’s left of the high quality Orijen, but there’s so little left, I have to mix in the new less than ideal dry food as well. She also gets 2ml of multivitamins.

She’s probably two weeks now from giving birth. Is there anything I can give her to make sure she has enough nutrients and to make her more comfortable? I can feel the individual bones in her spine. I can’t with the other cats except Siomai... (another post). I want to fatten her up and make sure her and her babies got everything they need to be ready for the big day!

[stayforya]

CHEMISTRY

member: kim woojin

genre: best friend’s brother au!; fluff

words: 3.6k

summary: chemistry can explain the covalent bond, so maybe it can also explain the way he attracted you.

author: hyun

your best friend yeojin always lived next door

you can’t remember the time you weren’t friends

since families lived next to each other for years, you both became closer

mainly after she started studying at your school

in her house, there was her, a younger brother and an older brother

the younger one was so cute, smiley

but the older one didn’t give you much attention when you came to their house

so you never knew stuff about him or anything

as you grew up, the age gap started to seem okay

and that’s when you started to notice him

after school, you were both in front of your house spying on him

not that you meant to spy, but he appeared so you started to

he was with a girl, maybe his girlfriend

“woojin? I bet he’ll never date anyone”, your friend rolled her eyes

not a second after she closed her mouth, woojin and the girl were kissing

“oh my God”, you were surprised

your friend closed her eyes and claimed “my eyes are burning! how can I unsee this? I’ll carry this trauma for the rest of my life!”

you laughed

“come on, don’t be dramatic”

“if you had an older brother you’d understand how traumatizing it is to see him kissing someone. I always thought woojin only studied and played sports”

“looks like he also enjoys kissing”, you teased her

“ew, y/n. I bet mom and dad don’t know they are dating”, she shrugged

not a second after, woojin’s father showed up in front of the house and greeted the girl

next day at school

yeojin told you the news

“you won’t believe! woojin’s girlfriend had dinner with us”

you felt happy but not fully happy

“yesterday?”

“yeah, and she’s quite nice”

“and how it went?”

“normal. woojin must like her”

and that’s it?

not that you cared about the details

“she seems nice”, you said while walking to the classroom

“yeah but it’s weird, I dunno. I mean, my older brother dating someone, how can a girl fall in love with that dumb boy?”

you laughed

“it’s your point of view as his younger sister who grew up fighting with him”

“meh. I don’t care, let’s go to class”

days went by

you and yeojin met almost every day to study

one day in your house, the other one in hers

you were both in hers when woojin came downstairs

you were in kitchen and he came in to get some food

“hey, y/n”, he said

your heart skipped a beat but you managed to stay cool

“hey”

“wow great mood”, his sister made fun of him

“I always say hi to her, in my defence”, he smiled, “what’s that?”

he got closer to see your books

“we’re having some trouble with chemistry”, yeojin explained

“do you want help?”

he sat in front of you, drinking some juice he found in the refrigerator

you focused in the start, but come onnnnn

he looks so good

his strong hands pointing to the images on the book

his calm voice explaining so well

he could be a chemistry teacher but who would pay attention to molecules when kim woojin is right there being the sweetest person on earth?

“ok, hold on, y/n. calm down. when did you start thinking of him like this?”, you said to yourself

“you guys get it?”, he asked

you shook your head to put away your thoughts

but he thought you were trying to say “no” in a cute way

“do you have any question, y/n?”

“hm, me? no, no, I’m fine”, you fake smiled trying to not mess up more

“you can ask, friend”, yeojin said and you looked at her with laser coming out of your eyes

“I have no question at. all.”, you said between your teeth, smiling at her

she probably didn’t understand what you were trying to communicate with your eyes for her to stop insisting

“look, I’m free on monday afternoons so you both can come to me if you need help”, woojin drank the rest of his juice

“hm, you did a good job, thanks”, yeojin said

and he messed up her hair

you knew they didn’t have a lovely siblings relationship but when they weren’t tired of each other, they did have fun together

woojin offered but you thought that asking him to help you with chemistry would be too much

you both played together once or twice when you were younger but nothing else

so, as days passed by, you just said hi when accidentally meeting him

and walked away, trying to avoid questions

until you got a C- on chemistry and that’s when you realised

studying by yourself wasn’t enough anymore

books and notebooks ready, there you went to woojin’s house

your friend wasn’t at home that monday

she sent you a message saying she wouldn’t be there but woojin would

you just knocked at the door

freaking out inside

heart almost coming out of your chest

and he opened it

as if it was the gates of heaven

“hey!”

he was still wearing the uniform, but without the jacket

“come in”

“is it too early?”

“no, it’s perfect”, woojin lead you to the table as if it was your first time there

“thanks”

“yeojin told me...”

“yeah, I got a C-”

“ah, that happens to everyone”, you usually hate this kind of speech, it doesn’t happen to everyone

but since it was him saying that, in his cool way of speaking

“how much time do we have?”

“I’m free for you, don’t worry”

he said that in such a peaceful way

your heart was starting to race and your throath was dry

free for you

“so where do we start?”, you asked, trying to focus

“maybe we should try to solve again the exam questions you got wrong”

concentrated, you could tell he was willing to help you

you never truly noticed before, but woojin always had a kind heart

he used to help his younger siblings with their homeworks when they were younger

and he also always washed his dad’s car, you could see that while watering the plants on sundays

always went with his mom to supermarket

you really needed that help

and since woojin was available, you took the chance

that’s why you really paid attention to everything he said

you both solved again the same questions

and new ones on the book

you were there for probably two hours already

“do you wanna eat something?”

“no, I’m fine”, you answered

“are you sure?”, he asked, mouth full and a naughty smile

in his right hand, the cookie he was eating; in the left one, a tray full of cookies

you couldn’t turn down the offer

you both kept studying while eating, and you were really doing better after the way he explained

much better than how teacher explained

“thank you so much for taking your time...”, you said, packing your stuff

“no problem, you can come back anytime”

heart started to race again, dang it!

you got your backpack and went to the door

“bye”

“see ya”, woojin said and waved while you walked away

a couple steps and you’d be home, but you felt him watching you

or maybe he was waiting for someone else 

but no, he wasn’t

cause he waved again when you arrived and only then closed the door

you couldn’t help but smile to yourself

“where were you?”, your mom appeared when you walked in

“I was studying at the kim’s”

“their parents told us woojin is really good with chemistry, physics...”

“yeah, he helped me and yeojin with our questions”, you threw the backpack on the sofa

and were about to go upstairs take a shower

“oh he remembered!”, your mom said and you didn’t understand what she was talking about

“hm... remembered what?”

“I told him about your C-, he said you could come over”

“you... told him?”, there was probably a huge question mark above your head

“yes, why?”

“so that’s why he was so kind to me?”

“well, woojin is actually kind to everyone, sweetie, it wasn’t because of that”, she said

“mom, you didn’t have to... seriouslyyyy”

“he’s willing to help”

“just because you asked!”

ugh, you felt so stupid 

“but why is this important?”

“just... whatever”, you ran upstairs angry with yourself

you know when you feel stupid

because someone is being so nice

and somehow you deep down think it’s because they find you enjoyable

but it’s because of something else?

that’s it

he must have taken time for you because he respects your parents and your mom asked for his help

not because he wanted to do it firstly

thinking about it made your brain burn and you got into the cold shower to cool it out

next week you had a new chemistry exam

you studied so hard

not with woojin anymore

you just weren’t in the mood to go after him again 

and he already helped, so now it was up to you 

you were so nervous

but yes, you gave your all

woojin’s voice was echoing inside your head

all his tips, the questions you solved together

well, maybe you’d get a good grade this time

after the test, you and yeojin went to an ice cream shop

“so how was the test?”, yeojin asked, mouth full of mint ice cream

“better than I thought, even though I was pretty nervous, to be honest”

“woojin will be happy to know that”

“I don’t even know my grade yet”

“hm!”, she reminded something, “he and his girlfriend broke up”

“what?”, you were honestly shocked cause you even forgot he was dating

so much going on in your head those days

“yeah, mom asked about her yesterday and he said they broke up weeks ago”

“weren’t they dating for, like, one month?”

“I think so, but turns out they were together just for prom”

“that’s unlike him”

“I overheard him talking to mom and he said they weren’t into each other, but I think she was the one that broke up, tho”, yeojin said

you shrugged

you never wanted him to broke up or anything

because you knew, despite liking him, woojin would never see you the way you saw him

what would yeojin think about the fact that you liked her older brother?

the whole “best friend’s brother” thing was great on tv shows, but not in real life

it could bring some mess

mainly when both families were so close to each other

“look, look! that boy over there!”, your friend pointed

outside the ice cream shop, he couldn’t see her pointing at him

“who’s that?”

“the boy I like”

“whaaaaat? when did you start...?”

“this week. I met him at the library... he is just SO CUTE”

“lol you fall in love easily”

“stop, that’s not true. we studied together”

“oh so that’s why you didn’t come to study with me!”, you hit her playfully 

“I thought you’d be fine studying with woojin”, she laughed

“I didn’t study with him this week, you idiot”

you treated each other like this, but it was your own way of showing affection lol

“since last week he didn’t shut up about how you’re nice”

what did she say? omg

you almost choked

“I thought we already knew each other, tho”, you tried to act cool, “plus, my mom was the one who asked him to help me. can you believe that?”

“oh yeah, I saw her talking to mom and him”

“omg seriously... my mom...”

“but you know he was willing to help you since that day, right? so when your mom asked him, he said he was already helping us with chemistry and he could do that again”

you felt stupid again

why did you care so much if your mom asked or not? what matters is that he made himself available for that

because that’s woojin

the kind hearted guy

thinking of him was unavoidable

even with days going by, even with so much in your head

in the end of the day, when you layed your head on the pillow, he was the first thought

one day you saw him while you were studying at yeojin’s

he threw a smile and raised his hand, saying hi

asking how things were going

you just answered like you always did

yes, you liked him. a lot.

for a long time, but you only had the courage to understand the feeling now

he was still your best friend’s brother, tho

and you couldn’t even imagine confessing, never in a million years

everytime this idea came in, your mind knew it was a bad one

cause he probably saw you as a little girl

the age gap wasn’t even that big...

“guess what? I have a date today”, yeojin said

“w h a t?”, you were surprised and happy at the same time, “is it the library guy?”

“yes, it is, girl”

“omg I’m so glad for you! when you get home, just call me”

“of course I will! oh, and woojin asked what was your chemistry grade”

“really? I thought he forgot it already”, you laughed

“I wish he did, but not the case. just go there today, he’ll be home the whole afternoon”

“what do you mean? it’s weird. I’ll go there just to say ‘oh hi woojin I got an A, thank you so much for your help’?”

“hmm, yeah? I don’t know, just tell him so he will stop asking me. and wait for me there so I can tell you everything of today’s date in person!”, she had an exciting smile on her face

it was nice to see your friend so excited with something

the library boy was nice, as long as he didn’t break her heart, you’d be okay with him

you came back home thinking about woojin

why did he keep asking about the chemistry test? why didn’t he ask you directly?

oh, but to be honest, you were the one avoiding him all the time 

after doing everything you had to do, and when you thought yeojin would be coming back home so you and him wouldn’t be in awkward silence for a long time

you went to the kim’s

you didn’t have to knock because the door was open

chicken delivery

woojin was paying the delivery guy when you arrived

“oh. hi”, you said

awkwardddd

“hi, y/n!”

“is yeojin home?”

“no, only my brother and I, but you can come in!”

the younger brother of kim family was really cute and he was sitting on the sofa playing games on tv

woojin was probably playing with him, but when you arrived, he led you to the kitchen and left the young one playing by himself for a moment and eating fried chicken

he put the other fried chicken boxes on the kitchen’s table and opened one of them

“do you want some?”, he asked 

“I won’t reject, it’s smelling good”

he laughed

“so, what about chemistry?”

ok, but let’s be real here

why did he look good all the time?

he was leaning on the marble desk and looking at you

it was a funny scene

you both eating fried chicken so comfortable with each other

“I got an A”

“oh!”, he was so hyped, you felt your cheeks burning, “congrats! you deserve it, you really worked hard”

“thank you for helping me”, you said

you felt his eyes on your face

“you can count on me, y/n”, he was serious now

but his eyes carried so much

his kind personality showed through the smallest acts

he came closer, but not to touch you, just to give you the ketchup

“ah, thanks”

“I didn’t know you liked fried chicken that much”, he said

“I love it, seriously”

“you’re invited to come again”

“when?”

“anytime. I’m free for you”

you looked at him

he looked back at you

and you were both staring at each other without any words being said

until yeojin appeared by the kitchen’s door

“Y/N! it was the best date ever!”, there were little hearts coming out of her eyes

you were pulled to reality again

and ran to her, to listen every little detail she was about to tell

woojin’s sweet face couldn’t get out of your head

but you needed to live this happy moment with your friend, so you just focused on her

“hey, what are you doing here by yourself?”, you heard his voice

you were sitting in front of your house, after watering all the plants, thoughts out of the world

while watching the day turning into night

“just thinking”, you answered

“can I...?”, he wanted to sit on the step with you

“of course”

he didn’t wait to start his point

“y/n, is it my impression or you’re trying to avoid me?”

if you were eating something, you would definitely choke

“me? no”

“cause, you know, we weren’t very close like you are with yeojin, but-”

“yeah, I’ve been avoiding you”, you let it come out, regretting at the exact moment

“why?”

“because I think we shouldn’t become closer, since our families are close”

he frowned

“is that because you like me?”

you froze

for how long did he know?

“what do you mean?”, pretending you don’t understand is a good option 

“if this is the reason”, you were looking at him and he was looking to the sky

then his eyes stared at you

“you don’t have to be afraid of telling me. cause I’m here for you”

his voice was low and every single syllable coming out of his lips gave you chills

you never thought you both would have this kind of conversation, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable at all

his words embraced you

“w-why are you talking like this?”

“I have feelings for you, y/n. and I know there’s so much going on and more to come, but in the midst of everything I couldn’t stop thinking of you.”

you were only listening

and it felt like a dream, like a hallucination, anything 

but not like real life

you always thought you’d be the one confessing, he would say sorry for not feeling the same and you’d move on

and then there you were, woojin expressing how he felt towards you

“maybe you’re confused, woojin. please don’t say anything you’re not completely certain of”

at this point you were scared of him playing with your feelings

it felt weird

you were overwhelmed by the fact that he liked you, but also afraid of being fooled

that kind hearted guy... the one who spent hours straight reviewing the topics for chemistry

the one who made you laugh and ate fried chicken with you

the one who treated you right

your best friend’s brother

that’s why you were feeling guilty, as if you couldn’t accept his feelings

he was not just someone you had feelings for, he was your best friend’s brother, your neighbour, friends with your family

“I’m not confused at all, y/n. I wouldn’t tell you if I wasn’t sure”

“woojin...”

he opened his right arm and you didn’t think twice before hugging him

that was crazy

how did it end up happening?

you couldn’t forget about the reality, because someone could open the door and see you two there, but you couldn’t help

inside his hug it was so warm, you’d live there if you could

you looked at him

your faces were so close 

his eyes on you, you closed yours

he was looking at your face, you could feel it

then you heard the door opening slowly

falling out from the love atmosphere, woojin held your hand and took you to the side of your house

you just sat on the grass, trying hard not to laugh

you peeked and saw the door closing again

“it’s dangerous to hug in front of my house”, you whispered

“and what about on the side of your house?”, he asked, giving you his sweet smile

“anyone can see us, omg”

“if it’s yeojin, then it’s okay”, woojin said

“what? I didn’t tell her I have feelings for you”

he seemed happy to hear you admiting it

“I bet she already knows I like you”, woojin shrugged

“really?”

“by the way she looks at me when you’re around and how she made us meet a couple times”

omg it made sense

did yeojin know all the time?

well, you didn’t know

but kim woojin was right beside you

and everything you wanted was to be with him

with your left hand, you touched his face and brought it closer

and kissed his cheek 

but you were too close

way too close to miss this opportunity

your noses touched and you smiled at each other

you looked at him, and his eyes were closed

you did the same

sat on the grass, about to be caught in any moment

his lips on yours

gently, calm

no rush because it felt like there was enough time

his face touched yours and his soft skin made you want to touch his cheeks, his eyelids, his nose

woojin’s details

but you felt more cherished than ever

he cupped your face

his touch in your cheeks was caring

just like him

when your lips parted, you heard the door opening again

“I’ll bring it to the kim’s”, it was your mother’s voice coming out of your house

you told woojin to stay there while you showed up out of nowhere in front of your mom

“hey, mum”

“hey, girl, what are you doing?”, she was carrying a pie in a glass bowl

“I was watering the plants here”, your hands on your pockets and your nervous smile never fooled her

but this time, she just handed you the glass bowl

“great, so help me giving this pie to the kim’s”

“uh, it smells awesome”

“I know”, she bragged

when she closed the door, you finally breathed

and woojin was still here, hiding just how you told him to

you laughed at his face

“let’s go, this pie is for your family”

[regular-lord-reckoner]

had just...a real shitty day yesterday 

real shitty 

i guess it really started sunday? 

my mood pretty much just tanked and i was really stressed out and irritable 

part of that had to do with me trying to get everything prepared for my classes monday, but i think it’s also just...bad brain in general 

my mom helped me put together almost 200 goodie bags for my students since i had my last class with them yesterday and i like to try to give my kids something on the last day 

on top of that i had to make sure i had all my paperwork and stuff i needed because we were only going to be doing surveys, no official lesson or anything so that whole ordeal was just kind of...a lot 

and in general like...going to those groups is tough. it’s two schools that are like 10 minutes apart from one another and i go to one school at 8 am to do three classes back to back and then i drive over to the other to do my last four over the course of a few hours with just two short breaks crammed in there and even tho it goes by pretty fast that way, it’s still just...a lot (the recurring thought i’ve had on sundays now is “boy, i’d really rather get kicked in the teeth than have to go to work tomorrow!!”) 

like i said, that’s nearly 200 kids to see in one day, so that means i have to be On for that many people, including all the teachers and other staff i interact with 

and just...right fucking away, class one, i was like, “So guys, this is going to be our last lesson together” and some kids...cheered. 

like...okay. ouch. it’s not the first time i’ve ever gotten that reaction in my history of doing lessons and some kids have straight up H A T E D my ass, but it never feels good to basically be told to your face, “Yay, can’t wait until you’re finally gone!” but i just kinda shook it off and kept going. 

the next two classes after that were better, but i kept having to ask for kids to please stop talking while i was talking and to not work ahead of me on the survey and it’s just...frustrating to have to repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over and ask please guys, please we’re almost done. please just bear with me. over and over and over and over again. but they’re kids, so i stay patient and just bear with it

by the time i got to the second school, however...christ

there’s this one class in particular that just the entire fucking time has been an absolute nightmare and it sucks, because i could tell there were kids in there who wanted to participate and liked the lessons and stuff, but just...constant talking. constant. 

and not just a kid or two, like almost the entire fucking class the entire time and i’m almost having to yell over them just to be heard which, of course, means that i have to end up repeating myself and instructions over and over and over and over again. 

eventually i got the point where i was like, “guys, i’m going to be honest with you, i’ve brought goodie bags for everyone, but i’ve had to ask you multiple times now to please be quiet, so if we can’t do that i’m not going to give them out” (something the teacher in the room backed me up on) 

and i even said, “i hate to do that, but i don’t think it’s fair to give you guys a reward when we can’t follow the rules”. 

this led to a few of the kids being just...ridiculously disrespectful to my face and telling me to just leave, get out, that they don’t care, etc. 

and like...listen. i get it. 

i get part of why i’m doing this is that these kids have behavioral issues and likely it’s for some type of reason and i try as best as i can to be empathetic and not take it personally 

but at the same time it also just makes me feel like a massive failure that i wasn’t able to help like...at all. 

that this was our last lesson and i’ve got kids acting like that and saying that shit to my face. it sucks. it really, really sucks. 

and again, i know it’s not likely personal. there’s nothing i’ve done in the entire time i’ve been there that’s warranted that kind of disrespect. 

but it’s already hard enough for me to put myself in front of a classroom of like 20 some odd kids and to be treated like shit when all i’m trying to do is help 

it’s already shitty enough knowing that some of the ones who “like” me only do so because i sometimes bring candy and that’s all they really care about. 

and i get it, like...school’s school and lessons on empathy and anger management aren’t the most exciting things in the world (especially because i feel like i just wasn’t able to find any super interesting activities to go along with my lesson that wouldn’t have been incredibly disruptive and distracting from the point). 

but again it just...takes the wind out of your sails a little bit. 

that said, i still left goodie bags for that class, i just left them with the teacher and let her decide who should get one and who shouldn’t because i didn’t want to punish the entire class for some shit just a couple of kids did, but at the same time i also didn’t want to cause any more problems. 

and on any other day i probably wouldn’t have taken it so hard and would have been able to shake it off a little easier, but because of where my mental state was already at it was just...tough 

on top of that, i’m trying to get in touch with someone from my old work to see about doing some part time helping out over the summer because the other reason i want to find a new job is that this position i’m in is only a 10 month position which means i don’t get to work in june and july and thus...won’t be getting paid 

and with all the medical shit i’ve had going on that’s just...not gonna happen, i’m afraid 

the only reason i’m not just quitting right now and finding a new job is because i’ve already committed to a trip out of the country in july and i just don’t know where on earth i could get hired and already have a week’s worth of pto in order to do that 

still, i am......less than enthused about having to go back to somewhere i really thought i’d never have to be again 

y’know, the place where towards the end there i was having to lock myself in the bathroom and sob my eyes out for a few minutes before washing my face in the sink and going back out to sit at the front desk so i could check some more patients in while also trying to do 3 other people’s jobs at the same fucking time. 

not to mention i...hate a lot of people who work there and have already had to talk to one i ESPECIALLY can’t stand on the phone when i was trying to get in touch with one of my old managers so...y’know. that’s gonna be a lot of fun for me. love that for me. because by the sound of it, i’ll be having to work with her again and i just...hate. 

it’s also frustrating because i’m just waiting now for someone to give me a call to tell me what i need to do to get put into basically a pool of people that the company will call on whenever they need someone to fill in wherever and if there’s one thing i really fucking hate it’s waiting around for someone to call me when i have absolutely no idea when that’ll be 

especially because when i talked to my manager on monday and she passed the info off to whoever’s supposed to be calling me she said i’d probably hear from her that same day so knowing that i’d be out most of the day i gave her my cell phone number, but whenever i’m at home i don’t have cell service so i’m like...shit, i hope she hasn’t tried to call me when i’ve been here at home

i texted my manager and let her know about the cell service thing and gave her my home number to pass along to said person who’s supposed to be calling me since i should be home all day tomorrow but still i’m just like...can i go ahead and get something set up or figure out what i’m supposed to do? because i hate feeling like i have to wait by the phone 

but....yeah. needless to say, too, when i’m in sort of the worst of my mental shit i tend to be very, very mean to myself and about the only thing typically i’ve been able to hold onto is like, “well, i may be useless and suck at absolutely everything and ugly and boring and and and but at least i’m a good worker bee...” (which I KNOW isn’t something i should hang my hat on, I KNOW but it’s...all i feel like i have sometimes) 

and so naturally whenever i feel like i’ve dropped the ball or done a bad job or i just...suck at what i’m doing i take it really, really, really hard and it puts me in an even worse place 

but i tried as best as i could to hold myself together and rationalize with myself to calm down. mostly i just distracted myself and zoned out and i did end up crying real big at like 4 am (because of COURSE i had trouble sleeping) and that kinda helped i guess? idk 

i did have a dream where i saw my sister again and i’ve had dreams like this before where she’s just...back? and it’s like i know she shouldn’t be, i know what’s happened and it doesn’t make sense, but that part of my brain that’s been waiting to find out this has all been a horrible, horrible prank i guess holds out hope for something like this and she’ll just magically reappear and everything will be okay again 

and she’s always really happy and doesn’t seem to want to talk about why she did what she did, she just wants to hang out and i’m fine with that too, but in this dream she was like “we can watch some movies and i’ll answer all your questions” and i just started sobbing and hugging her saying that’s all i ever wanted and so...needless to say waking up from that dream and realizing it was just that wasn’t great either, but in a way it’s also just kinda...nice to see her again, i guess 

i’d like to think that’s actually her visiting me in my dreams, but i’m not sure. i think i just had her on my mind. 

when i was driving home yesterday and already trying not to cry a song came on shuffle that reminds me of her so much and i did end up crying by that point, but i was pretty much at home, so i wasn’t in any danger or anything 

i dunno what’s going on with like...the planets or the universe in general, but i feel like basically everyone i saw on social media yesterday was just having a real rough one, so i dunno what’s up with that but today’s been better, at least 

i had my rowdy boys group for the last time today even though i normally see them on thursdays i was afraid my doctor’s appointment would run over into our usual time so the guidance counselor was nice enough to let me come today instead so if nothing else like...i’m done teaching for the year !!! (and hopefully for like...ever if i play my cards right) 

on top of that i’m also a little anxious about said doctor’s appointment because i should be finding out what our next plan of action is since the last surgery was a failure 

i’m hoping for lithotripsy because i think my other alternative is them doing surgery via going through my back and i...............hate how that sounds, but i guess we’ll see. hopefully. i know they’re going to do another x-ray (yay, ANOTHER bill !!) but i’m hoping i can get scheduled for...whatever they’re gonna do that day 

this whole situation has just been....obnoxious as fuck and i’m ready for it to be over and done with. it’s been like...two months of this shit if you count the weeks i kept running a high fever and nobody could figure out why. 

i’m pretty sure i went to the ER on april 5th i wanna say? i’ve had a stent in me ever since then. i can count on one hand the number of times since then i’ve been able to pee without some kind of pain afterwards. i hate that i’m gonna have to pay for a surgery that was useless!! and that i have so many bills period!! and we’re still.not.done!

and no, it’s not like i’m in absolute agony all day long, but i still just want to go back to normal. it’s bad enough i’ve had constant allergy bullshit happening for about a month as well, like...this too, huh? 

idk. i feel at this point like i’m just whining and whining and whining, but there’s just a lot of bad shit happening now all at once and it’s just a lot to deal with and i know rationally i’ll get through it and things will settle down and fall into place but getting to that point is tough at the moment 

because while allllllll of this is happening there’s also some really stupid drama going on with my mom’s side of the family (specifically with her sisters) and we’ve somehow gotten dragged into it and the whole thing’s just a giant goddamn mess and is so fucking needless but there’s nothing we can really do because it’s not our issue, all we tried to do was help. 

but because everyone is fucking incapable of being an adult and just saying what they really mean or communicating period it has to be this giant ugly thing right now where everyone else is allowed to beat up on people who aren’t directly involved and you can’t call anyone out on it or it’ll just make shit worse, but in a few months probably everyone will just act like nothing happened and everything’s supposed to go back to normal 

but...whatever. 

at this point i’m just telling myself an amended version of Justin’s tweet post election like... I’m just going to wake up and keep trying to do good in this world and nobody gets to vote on that. Nobody gets to have a say on that, not even me. 

My mental health has been pretty abysmal over the past few months, maybe even longer by this point, and i’m fighting as best as i can and pulling myself out of every rut i fall into but some days it’s just really hard

i know the best thing i could do for myself right now is to start seeing a therapist, but here again...with everything else going on i’m really not sure taking on an expense like that is something i want to get into right now and for once this isn’t an excuse

i know i find a million and one reasons to not to do this, but right now i just have too much shit going on and too many balls up in the air i just...need to put a pin in that (and i know mental health should come first, but i do need to give myself a little credit here like...i’ve been dealing with this since i was at least 8. i’ve managed for 20 years, postponing this a few months isn’t going to kill me. especially because, not to be too morbid or anything, but.... even when i do really, really want to die i can’t do that to my parents. i just can’t. losing one kid to that was bad enough, i’d absolutely destroy them if i did it, too so before anyone encourages me to just make an appointment anyway trust me, i know myself, i can carry this weight a little bit longer) 

i already have a list of other doctor’s appointments i need to go to after i get all this other shit sorted out as well so again, the timing just...could not be fucking worse, but i am finally at that point where i know i need to and i want to 

i want to get better. i really do. 

despite how miserable i’ve been and how bad things have been i guess if nothing else it’s pushed me up against the wall to where i’ve realized i can’t keep doing this and since i’ve already established dying isn’t an option i need to figure out how to be okay with being here 

and the shitty part is...that’s on me. it’s not up to someone else, it’s not up to some time in my life where i’ll wake up and suddenly be okay, i have to do the hard work and there’s still a big part of me that doesn’t want to because that’s going to involve going through my trauma and BOY DO I NOT WANNA DO THAT but like...i need to

i’m almost 30 and i’m not saying “ohmygod, that’s so old!!” but like... i already didn’t plan on living this long anyway, but now that i’ve committed to it i’d really like to meet that milestone with at least a little bit more of a grip on myself (especially because i hear your 30s can actually be a pretty cool time if you let them, idk) 

i also just want to maybe enjoy life? like truly?? 

it’s not that i haven’t had good experiences or made wonderful memories, don’t get me wrong, but...in a lot of ways i just haven’t participated in my own life and i’ve actively held myself back and kept myself down 

i don’t let myself pursue anything that could possibly make me feel good about myself and like i’ve accomplished something because i bully myself into quitting or second guessing myself to the point where i’m an absolute mess and can’t enjoy myself 

i don’t...like that. i don’t want to do that anymore. i want to be able to try things, to pick up a hobby or two, to find out i’m good at something or at least work at something until i’m good at it. 

i want to meet more people and build new relationships and not even necessarily at this point looking for something romantic (because i need to get myself in a better place before i could even seriously consider pursuing that) but overall i just...i want to live my life for a change. i’m so tired of feeling like i don’t deserve it or i’m not worthy of it. i’m so tired of holding myself back and constantly tearing myself apart over every little thing and for no fucking reason. i’m tired of hating myself. 

so...yeah. 

this turned out to be a much longer rant than i intended but like i said there’s...a lot going on with me right now and i feel like i just need to get all of that out. 

i think things are eventually going to be okay and i keep telling myself that maybe this is all just one of those times when things are really, really awful right before they get really, really good. 

oftentimes with big change, especially positive change, you’ll find yourself going through a period of just...absolute garbage and shit and i’m hoping this is just one of those times and that pretty soon things will turn around. 

for now i’m just trying my best to focus on all that i have to be grateful for because i know not every aspect of my life is complete shit so i’m trying to surround myself with that for now and keep my focus there until things settle down and i can get my footing again. 

if you’ve read this far thank you, really. i know i’ve done a lot of bitching and complaining and i know it’s not just doing so for the sake of it, but like i said before, i know a lot of people are going through rough times right now as well so if you’re one of those people i just want you to know that you’re not alone and that things will get better for you, too. i don’t know when specifically, but i promise that they will even if it feels hopeless right now. try not to give up. try to hang in there. focus on the good things and the things you have to look forward to. and most of all, try to be kind to yourself as best as you can. i know better than anyone that that’s easier said than done, but still try. <3 

[jozstankovich]

oc interview | Ji-ae Choi

Tagged by: @jonhseed thank you ambieee!  i love that you think of me even tho we aren’t active in the same fandoms lol

Tagging: @fiftyshadesofdes, @crytalstellar, @jylcie, @perseus-huntress, @fuwafuwagem, @sarah-choi, @saambell

Rules: Pick an oc and answer the questions as they would.  ^^

putting under cut bc longggg

What is your name? Ji-ae Yeong-Choi

What is your real name? That... is my real name?

Do you know why you were called that? Because my parents named me that?  I dunno, ask them.

Are you single or taken? Happily taken~

Have any abilities or powers? Uhhh... I know tae kwon do and I’m good with computers lol that’s not really a special power tho.

Stop being a Mary Sue. Wow, rude.

What’s your eye colour? Rose gold.

How about your hair colour? Brunette.  Thought about dying it, but I’m too lazy for the upkeep lol.

Have you any family members? My dad, step mom, and older step sister, Yue.  Oh, and since she’s married to Jumin I guess that would make him my... step brother by marriage.  And of course there’s my brother-in-law, Saeran.  ^^

Oh? What about pets? I’d love to get some, like a cat and maybe a dog, and I know Saeyoung wants a cat... but right now we only have the robot cat and puppy.

That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like. You guess?  Why did you even ask the question if you’re gunna react like that?  >:/  Something I don’t like... uhhh, copy cats I guess.  In my line of work, it’s really annoying, like get your own hook. 

Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing? I love playing video games.  I mean, it’s kind of my job to play them on camera, but it’s my hobby too, y’know?  I also love surfing the internet and blogging.  Watching horror films.  Memorizing actors and what movies they’ve been in.  Those are hobbies right?

Ever hurt anyone before? Yes... emotionally... and physically.

Ever... killed anyone before? No, but... I wanted to.

What kind of animal are you? Cat, for sure.  We have the same tendencies.

Name your worst habits. ...I sleep in late, go to bed late, eat too much junk food.  let’s see... oh yeah i tend to worry about well, everything :|

Do you look up to anyone at all? I look up to my step sister, Yue.  She’s got her life together and she’s smart and sophisticated and strong.  I also really look up to my husband.  I know that might seem weird to some because of the way he can be perceived if you don’t know him well, but he’s been through so much in his life and has come out the other side stronger and manages to keep a smile on his face.

Gay, straight, or bisexual? Bi

Do you go to school? I did.  I... took a break for about a year, but I finished and got my degree.

Do you ever want to marry & have kids one day? I’m already married... and about kids... well, *blushes and fidgets with her hoodie strings* despite my stance against them in the past I’ve been thinking about it more and more recently.  Having a little mini-Saeyoung wouldn’t be so bad. 

Do you have any fanboys/fangirls? I have a pretty good amount of youtube fans, but no crazy ones... that I know of.

What are you most afraid of? Hell is other people.  Can we... not talk about this anymore?

What do you usually wear? I love hoodies.  Especially fun quirky ones.  I also love cute stockings and tights with skirts.  Although, most of the time when I’m at home I... don’t wear pants.

Do you love someone? With all my heart~

When was the last time you wet yourself? Wha- uhh?  Wait... is this a serious question?

Well, it’s not over yet! Wait, the weird questions, or the interview?

What class are you? (High/upper/middle/low) Uhm... I guess maybe upper class?  I’m not entirely sure.  I’ve never thought about it much, but I guess Sae and I are kind of eccentric rich hermits lol.

How many friends do you have? More than enough~  I’ve never been one to have many friends.  I’d prefer a few close friends over a lot of acquaintances, and the members of the RFA are just the friends I need.

What are your thoughts on pie? GIMMEE.

Favourite drink? Red Bull... or really any energy drink.

What’s your favourite place? My bed.  For a couple reasons  >_>

Are you interested in someone? I... already told you I was married?  I’m verrry interested in my husband, Saeyoung.

What’s your bra cup size/how big is your willy? None of your business.

Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? The ocean, I guess.  I’ve... never been.  *a far away look crosses her face*

What’s your type? Hm... someone who’s funny and sweet, but knows how to be serious when the mood calls for it.

Any fetishes? HA.  *turns a bright shade of red*  I mean, I’ve got a few... and that’s all I’m gunna say about that.

Seme or uke? Top or bottom?  Dominant or submissive? Wouldn’t you like to know?~

Camping or Indoors? I n d o o r s.

Are you waiting for the interview to end? God yes.  I mean, haha no~

Now it’s over! Yay! 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #170

this one’s a few days old and am just getting to posting it. don’t feel like rereading to change some old answers tho.

Do you tell your best friend everything? What might you omit? If she asked about a subject, I'd tell her. I wouldn't just be like "hey here's a little factoid I don't like talking about." Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yes. In your current or most recent romantic relationship, do/did you feel as though one of you settled? Not at all. What did your ex (or one of your exes) consider to be a dealbreaker in you? My depression. What seemingly small change have you made to improve your life this year? More drive to be an adult. Make the decision to try as hard as mentally possible to be more open about myself and not so scared of being found as "too weird." Does anyone in your family suffer from mental illness or substance abuse? Don't get me started on the first. I only know of my dad being a recovered alcoholic. What is the biggest gap in your employment history? How did/will you explain it to future employers? 0-19ish. Wasn't in the mental state to. Is there any part of your sexual/romantic history that you have not told your current significant other about or that you will not tell future partners about? She knows a lot. There's just one thing I'm not comfortable talking about yet. There's nothing I absolutely won't tell at any point - if you're in a serious relationship, they have the right to know. Has anyone ever tried to change your mind about something very personal, such as religion or wanting children? Children, yes. Colleen especially was convinced I was going to change my mind to an annoying degree. People have pushed me being a vet a whole lot, too. Do you ever hear about old school friends? Where are you high school friends now? Well, through FB. Most have stable jobs, some are extremely intelligent students headed towards amazing careers, some are parents. Most fell off the face of the earth. What is the most fun you can remember ever having under the influence? Cards Against Humanity. Has your Facebook relationship status ever been set to 'it’s complicated’? Why? Nooooo, and I seriously wish that option didn't even exist. Drama bait, whether intentional or not. What is the most beautiful/interesting name that you’ve ever personally known someone to have? Alon. Have you ever developed feelings for someone whose sexual orientation was incompatible with yours? Yes. How many relationships have you been in that actually got sexual? One. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? Me?????????????? At a party?????????????????????? What is your strongest sense? Maybe you don't count this because it's not a "real" sense, but I would say I have an incredibly strong "sixth sense" of just knowing when something is wrong, even with people I don't know well. I pick up bad emotions easily. But if you're just talking sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell, I suppose smell? Or taste. Could be why I'm so picky. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? There is NO telling. I believed some wild shit. HAHAHA OH MY GOD WAIT NO I BELIEVED I HAD "ANIMAL POWERS" UNTIL THE END OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Like, I could go into a "mode" where I had capabilities like those in certain animals, like with kangaroo powers, I could jump higher. God that was so embarrassing to write jfc what the fuck was I on. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? Mom. She gives food, water, and sometimes money to homeless people she trusts as actually being without a home. There are two or three people she's actually "friends" with. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? A V O I D What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? I make situations awkward. Just social anxiety in general. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? Okay, so I don't think I believe in angels, and I'm 99% sure this was a dream by now. But once as a little kid, I have a *very* strong memory of getting out of bed and going outside because I felt I needed to see something, and two swans came to the porch, turning into my grampa and favorite cat that had died. Then I went back inside, and that's all I remember. Still to this day that shit didn't feel like a dream, but. It probably was. What do you think about more than anything else? The future. What’s your all-time favorite town or city? Why? I dunno. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? The friendship with Megan. Do you Skype? With Sara. Have you ever called anyone ‘bro’ other than your actual brother? I'll call p much anyone that. Have you ever blocked someone on MySpace before? Maybe? What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? Pan meat lovers omfg. Stick with jalapeno tho with trying to at least lean towards vegetarianism. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? Eh... I think I've forgiven him. Do you scream at scary parts in a horror flick? No. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. How do you feel about weed? I'm totally for it medicinally. Helps with too many things. Otherwise, for reasons I've said in many old surveys, I don't believe it should be smoked. We already complain enough about cigarettes and lung cancer. How many people have you kissed that you weren’t dating? None. Who was the last person that ditched you? How did you react? Mini, I guess. Was hurt as fuck for years until I recently confronted her, and we're cool now. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt is like... my only male friend besides Dad. What size are the pants you’re wearing? Large, probably? Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I went neither way. Liked some songs, didn't like some, no opinion on others. Can you spot constellations in the night sky? Only the Big or Little Dipper. I dunno the difference. What kind of shampoo did you last use? I dunno exactly. Mom just put some in a smaller, nameless bottle for while I'm at Sara's. It's probably Suave, though. If you had a hippie bus, what would it look like? Gimme all the peace signs and trippy patterns. Have you ever hitchhiked? No. Would you rather hike a mountain or explore a cave? EXPLORE A CAVE BITCH Would you rather wear a flower crown or veil? For my wedding, probably a veil. I can't see a flower crown going with a (probably) black dress lmao. Do you go barefoot often? I'm always barefoot in the house, but outside, I always have shoes. What is your favorite thing to get high off of? N/A What type of tattoo do you want? Most of the ones I want hold personal meaning. There's few I want to get for solely aesthetic purposes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Favorite constellation? *shrug* Beach wedding, forest wedding, or English countryside wedding? Forest! Does pineapple belong on pizza? NO. Do you have any big plans for November? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? Christmas. I doubt Halloween's gonna be anything I'd like it to be. What was the last song you heard? "Letter" by Mother Mother is on. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? HAHAHAHA NO. How many days a week do you work? N/A Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Sara and Mom. Where did your eye color come from? Mom's dad had blue eyes, I think. Have you ever been in a recording studio? No. What is your worst relationship quality? I'm paranoid. I'm that "do you still like me?" person after marriage, I'm sure. What was your most recent serious injury? Does sun poisoning from Hell itself count? When was the last time you baked something for someone? Never lmao. Would you rather be kissed on the neck or on the lips? I mean it depends on the mood. What is one thing you’re not looking forward to in the next week? I'm going home Wednesday. Would you consider Christmas your favorite holiday? Second-fave. How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them? Way too fucking many. But it also depends on the offense and person. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yeah. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? Totally for. Would you say you’re more of a pessimist or optimist? I'm definitely a realist, but if I had to pick, I lean more towards pessimism. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? No. When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? Not really. Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much? I think I'm very friendly, just shy and awkward socially. When was the last time you ate something from Burger King? LEMME TELL YOU THIS SHIT. Months ago, I went for a veggie burger. THESE. IDIOTS. Put all the normal shit BUT NO PATTY IN A FUCKING BUN. WHEN THEY HAVE ACTUAL VEGGIE PATTIES. We waited forever, so Mom was already in a bad mood. She went in and the manager was livid; she gave us a free drink and fries. BUT, the burger fucking sucked, it was so overcooked. Sooo that was fun. When someone mentions a song, does it make you wanna listen to it? Rarely if it's a song I don't know, unless I like the artist. Song title may interest me, too. Who is the nosiest person you know? Do you like them anyways? BITCH ME. Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas? Okay so, I first watched it in school and I didn't like it at all. Then I started loving it??? I have like sooo much Jack stuff. What’s the best food to have at a sleepover? Pizza! Do you like the yellow Cheetos better or the orange ones? You mean normal or hot? Gimme them spicy boiz. Do you know anybody with different colored eyes? No. Are any of your relatives vets? Don't believe so. Who cleans the most in your house? Mom. I really need to do it more. Do you own any shirts that cost over 100$? Jfc no. What about any shoes? Do you think that’s a lot of money for clothes? No, and obviously. What’s the movie theater in your town called? Uhhh I think Cinemax? How many minutes do you consider late? Over five. What kinds of food do you dunk into milk? Some cookies. Do you have any current or past teachers on your Facebook friends? No. Are there any baby pictures of you up? On FB? No. Do you have any friends who have bleached blonde hair? Maybe Alon still does, idk. Are you wearing any jewelry that a boyfriend/girlfriend gave you? No. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Yeah. What’s the last thing you were excited to eat? A donut sobs. Who's the most romantic person you ever went out with? I dunno... none were/are like especially romantic. Is there anything hanging from the ceiling in your room? Some Pyramid Head gift tags, a stuffed fae dragon from WoW, and a cool lantern. Have you ever seen the last person you hugged dressed up fancy? Not in person, but in pictures. (If your parents married), Do you know where they got engaged? No. What was the last picture you printed of? The reference I made of my tattoo for the artist. What restaurant has the best fries? Bojangle's the Queen. What does your mailbox look like? Just a basic black one. Have you ever gotten something stuck on the roof? Probs as a kid. Does your computer make a lot of noise? Not really. Unless it's overheating. Who did you last drink or smoke up with? Mom and Sara. How many board games do you own? Idk, there's just a few in a cabinet in the living room. What does your BIGGEST mug look like? We don't have any really big ones. Newest musical discovery? I really love Powerwolf. Last thing you cleaned? Clothes. What exactly do you carry around all your stuff in? Purse. What do you carry around, typically? Phone, iPod, wallet, hand sanitizer, keys... Where is your newest scar? There's still a little scab on the bottom of my tat from heavy shading, but it's almost healed. If you mean like, "real" scar, cat scratch on my right hand. Where is your oldest scar? Ummm probably this random one on the top of my right wrist. No clue where it came from, been there for years. Last thing you disposed of? A bottle, I think? Are you good at recovering from injuries? I dunno. How many different public restrooms have you used this week? I think just one, at the reptile convention. Do you have more piercings or tattoos? Currently tied at six, but piercings the day I get home and get my tongue redone. What color and type is your vehicle? N/A Looking to upgrade or add any time soon? N/A What animal do you have the most possessions *of*, or featuring? Meerkats. What do you use to wash your dishes? Ugh, hands, gross. I refuse to have my own home that doesn't have a dishwasher. Last thing you measured? Ummm probably water when I was making ramen. Last thing you weighed? Myself. Do you talk to your parent(s) [almost] every day? Ma, yes. Last person to tell you that you smell good? Sara although I don't see how, I needed a shower. @_@ Last person you told that they smell good? Sara. How many iPhones have you had? One, I think? Last person you ran into unexpectedly? Good question. Last compliment you received on your appearance? Uhhh idk. On your character/personality? Sara's mom pointed out this morning that she liked how I watch out for Sara and reminded her to call the library (applied there) and it made me so happy alkdjowie. Her approval is important to me. Do you remain friends with anyone you met at your first job? No. Woulda liked to, but. How many chargers do you have for your current cell phone? One, though Mom's fits mine, too. Do you have a good work/life balance? N/A Have you ever ordered pizza online? Yeah. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Yeah. What color was the last fish you had? I couldn't tell you. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. Have you ever read in the bathtub? I may've as a kid? Does your animal sleep with you? Roman, pretty much always. Rarely Teddy, but hhe doesn't like getting off the bed; I put him on it if he wants, so getting down's the only thing. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? I think I have, but I don't recall for what? How many favorites do you have on YouTube? Holy shit idk. I used to favorite almost anything I liked, though for like a year or so now I've been really picky with what I favorite because it's become a playlist I go to that I know will cheer me up or are just videos I find very important. What kind was the last chip you ate? Uhhhh Lays, p sure. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rockband? I physically cannot play "Hotel California" by the Eagles without moving in some sort of way or singing.  The fucking solo ahhhhhhhhhh goosebumps every time.

[eliasdarkwood]

I have a story for y’all. A story that ain’t finished yet. But I gotta write it down cuz it’s driving me nuts.

Last year, late summer or early autumn I believe, before I dropped fifty pounds and developed an eating disorder - a whole other story - I walked into one of the bigger supermarkets of my town looking like some creature that’s actually supposed to live far away from humanity in the woods and under no circumstances interact with other people. Unkempt and feral describes it best I think.

Reason was I’d been on a walk with my dog which explains my dirty baggy ass clothes. To make matters worse my hair was in that awful in between stage of growing out when you can’t really put it up in a bun but you can’t really wear it open either so it just … exists. Plus it was really greasy at the time.

And for some God forsaken reason, my cashier had to be one of the most attractive human beings I’ve ever seen, to this day. He was drop dead gorgeous. And he had a mask on, like everyone, so I couldn’t even see his whole face but still. Seeing him shocked me, genuinely shocked me. And for a moment I froze. Cuz usually the cashiers there are a bunch of weird old ladies with a few random equally weird and old men thrown in here and there. He didn’t fit.

And to make matters worse he saw the exact moment I just stopped working for a second. He saw it and then he looked at me.

Have you ever had someone look at you like that? Like they … like you’re something special, like you surprised them with nothing but yourself? You didn’t do anything special, you just are. It’s a wonderfully scary feeling because that’s someone looking at you and really seeing you.

And maybe I imagined it, maybe I didn’t, but this man, this fucking beautiful man, looked at me like that. Me, who looked like an idiot.

Now, in retrospect, I think it may have been my good mood that made me noticeable. A rare burst of self confidence if you will.

I’ve heard confidence is the key to everything, so maybe that’s true.

When he rang up my stuff I wanted to die, God was I nervous, and to top it all off when he was done he had the gall to wink at me, that motherfucker.

For a long long while after that I tried to guess when his work times were so I could do my shopping then, you know, like a stalker. It worked out sometimes but mostly didn’t. As it turns out, but I only know this now, he works there only two times a week for a few hours.

All this time I wanted to tell him I thought he was cute. I never really managed to gather enough courage.

And then life happened and he dropped off the radar.

I didn’t see him anymore. I lost weight and my self image changed. Suddenly people were interested in me or perhaps I started noticing only then. I had my first time and God was it disappointing. I obsessed over a different guy, an asshole who, for a moment, looked at me exactly like the cashier just with more want. It was greedy, the way he looked at me. Then mood swings happened like they always do when I get too close to people. Found out the guy who was my first sexual partner had developed a crush on me - a foreign concept to me cuz usually I’m the one with the crush. Didn’t work out cuz he makes me uncomfortable, we didn’t even try, thankfully. I started therapy. Turbulent times in other words.

And then suddenly he’s there again. And he’s there a lot.

And I’ve had enough. Maybe all the changes made me bold. I didn’t say anything tho. I posted something.

Where I live, there’s an app that you can use for a whole bunch of things - among those things: ‘spotting’.

It works like this. You see someone who catches your attention for some reason or other so you spot them. You say how they looked so people can recognize themselves and then you tell them what you want to tell them, whatever that may be. And it’s totally anonymous.

I spotted him. Told him I’ve seen him many, many times but was never brave enough to say anything.

And somehow, someone from that stupid supermarket saw my post and told him. What the person who told him then said to me is important. They said he’s in a relationship but he’s happy I think he’s cute.

I repeat: He has a girlfriend. But. He’s happy I think he’s cute.

I would’ve ended the whole thing there and been happy with it. I mean - I made his day a little better and that’s more than I ever thought would happen.

Forward five days and he replies to my original post saying he’s at work right now and I should come over. (At that time I doubted it was him, I did for a while but I know now that it was indeed him.)

And I’m like. The fuck.

I’d been shopping already so there was no point in going again but I would’ve if I could’ve convinced my mom to drive me. I couldn’t.

So he texts me in private, still anonymous. And he’s the kind of sweet you usually only find in AO3 fluff stories, you know - tooth rotting. We don’t text much but he says how adorable my post was and that I should just say something the next time I see him.

So, a few days later, when I’m drunk, I ask when he works there next. And he tells me. So when that time comes I go there to meet him, with my cousin for moral support and simply for the reason she’s visiting at the time.

I think I might’ve had a small panic attack. Couldn’t really breathe, legs wobbly af. The whole deal. But I managed to tell him that he’s cute right before I fled.

And then he texts me. Tells me he’s surprised cuz he hoped I was cute too but he hadn’t thought I’d be THAT cute.

I was living in a y/n story you see. And it continues like that. He told me he actually wrote a little something for me but he forgot to give it to me.

So I go there again a few days later and voila I have his number and a coffee date. The first real date of my life btw.

But.

Remember?

He’s supposed to have a girlfriend.

I don’t know how to broach the subject. I think I should.

I definitely should.

But how?

If mystery girlfriend is who I think she is she has the exact same name as me. Which makes the whole thing even weirder than it already is.

Is he considering cheating on her? Or is he simply fucking with me to have a good laugh about it afterwards? Is he even still together with her? If he isn’t, shouldn’t my name be … I dunno, a hindrance I guess. At least a little bit? Was he ever together with her?

I’m confused and don’t really know what to do. For now we’re not even friends, barely acquaintances. And until I know what the fuck is going on it’ll stay that way I think.

I hope it does.

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE ONE

“its week ONE. why is everyone being so cracked i hate it here i absolutely hate it here someone take me out with a sniper rifle” - aria 

HOH: Jev UPSIDE DOWN: Jacob & Gina NOMINEES: Kiki & Nash POV: Nash FINAL NOMINEES: Kiki & Mo EVICTED: Mo (14-1)

PRESEASON CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEdLzVoyttU&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=2&t=0s

JOEY

WOO holy shit this cast is filled with such insane personalities, and I cannot WAIT to play this game!

NASH

tell me why i'm already nervous

NASH

waits patiently for mo to pick another damn person to infect

GINA

skghkdgljhgdlj BRAIN HURTY,, sm people to talk to and everyone is so so nice! just glad I'm not winning hoh

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-bwCxQGRhk

alternative title: im very mean for 20 minutes

KIKI

so far the cast seems very sweet! a little quiet so far but otherwise im really enjoying talking to them!! and i think the twist is a cool idea but could be dangerous.... maybe a little too easy to expose alliances

GINA

I really like this cast! I'm actually really good friends with Aria (but we keeping that a secret) and I recognize Joshua from other orgs! Also, this twist seems super fun!

ARIA

okay,,,,okay,,,ok,,,k my brain is struggling to complie everything ive learned today i am STRUGGLING!!!!

So!! Lets make a tier list

We're working together (didnt even need to discuss)

-Nathan

-Jacob

-Gina

Asked to work together

-Joey

-Joshua

Implied we're working togther but lower tier

-Jev

-Josh C

-Monty

Super Sweet & Nice

-Bri

-Kiki

-Dem

-Mo

Sweet but i want a response

-Nick

-Emma

_saira

-jake

-Nash

So thats what i've gathered for today mostly, Jacob-Joey-Jev-Joshua all seem to really want to work close with me and we've talked a bit of game ( ITS ALL THE Js HELP) and seem super open while the girls seem more closed off as of now, kinda worried gina isnt gonna be active enough but idk, oh also everyone is noticing bri is CHAOS and that nick is talkative/assertive. more to update in a bit but heres a trust ranking for night one, one more thing jev said he doesnt like nathan or nick :OO and someone else mentioned nick being overbearing

1.Gina (i love her to the moon and back)

2. Nathan( the charisma SNAPPED this game go off sir!!)

3. Josh C (they're also charismatic but they're hecking hilarious and our view are pretty similar) 

4.Jev (they cared about me!! and im nice to them and this is just really wholesome)

5.Jacob (LOVE him but we havent talked enough beyond "we're winning this game")

6.Joshua (super fun to talk to, same og community king)

7.Bri (they wont keep info to themselves but shes SO sweet pls take my heart)

8. Joey (hes kinda sketching me out tbh but also he wants to work with me so)

9.Nick (they wouldnt put me up and thats all i could ask for)

10.Monty (PLEASE trust me i need ur braincells)

12.Kiki (sHES SO SWEET AND GOOD AT ART ADORE HER)

13.Mo (existential dread buddies <3)

14.Dem(approached game w/ me,,,but on the first message so might be doing that w/ everyone)

15.Nash (kate protection gang!!!)

16.Saira (we loVE DOGS! and thats it)

17.Emma (feel better soon,,,then pls talk to me k thanks)

18.Aria (dont trust anyone,,,not even yourself)

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykD4dZjsDl0

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/odNZXz-jNtw

MO

If alliances have been made already, I am gonna have some QUALMS... This cast is very cute, I love meeting new people, let's see we have

Aria - an ANGEL we've been talking about SIX the musical and slime tutorials

Brianna - The first person to recognize me using a Carole & Tuesday song in any of my videos. I'm v grateful.

Dem - He kinda jokes like a mom... 

Emma - I'm friends with Emma outside of the game and she is such a chaotic sweetheart. We been in the house a day and she plays Lois Griffon singing Doja Cat... for what...

Gina - I have not talked with her, I just said hi.

Jacob - Jacob is nice. I think I've yet to have a super positive ORG experience with him tho. So. Yeah.

Can I do the rest tomorrow cus I'm tired and just not in the mood. Okay thank you.

SAIRA

I was a little surprised by the amount of people dming me but they all seemed pretty nice! The twist sounds cool, I'm excited to see how it plays out

JEV

i definitely did NOT expect to win the first hoh but here we are, i have no idea what i'm gonna do but i need sleep so that's tomorrows problem

JOSH C

HELLO! it's your boy josh coming to give you some thoughts on the cast. coming into this game, the only person i know of beforehand is.. JACOB who has managed to snake me in both games we've played together so that's cute. i don't really have a choice but to trust him for now bc that's my only outside connection so we'll see how it goes. he's fun to talk to so i don't really mind but my eyes are PEELED for it going south.

my favorites just from the first night are probably aria, kiki, nathan, and saira. for no REAL reasons other than i just feel like i've had the best conversations with them and they were more fun than the rest of the cast. i'm not sure if those will stay the same but that's HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!!

i've reached out to everyone and heard back from everyone (other than nash.. dunno what that's about so i'll just let it sit there. i don't REALLY mind bc it's good if i win HOH because it's a good reason to throw someone up there). everyone is cute enough, though i think i've connected LEAST with brianna, dem, joey, and monty? just haven't gotten a lot of energy back from them but i'm hoping that was just FIRST NIGHT jitters of people not putting in their full effort into their social game.

i'm going to spend today just chatting with people so i have a base relationship with them and that way if jev goes the route of asking people who they'd him to nominate -- i'm not someone they name simply for not knowing who i am. trying to be a little SOCIAL QUEEN. fun and funky so let's hope it pays off.

for the twist, i'm not really sure how to play this. i don't think the first round is going to have the BEST power hidden in it but it'd be nice to know that i for sure won't be first boot. (though i'm feeling OKAY enough that jev won't kill me bc we've talked at least). i think i'm going to wait a minute before i ask someone to send me in, or someone just sends me in on their own accord. that way people don't look at me for having a secret power bc it'll be really easy to narrow down who has one and that's just such an unnecessary way to get a target on your back. i like the twist, it's just hard to figure out how to play it and maybe i should just wait until someone does it for me or i'm one of the later people to get it so i get safety when there are less people in the house and it'll be harder to survive.

xoxo gossip josh

SKINNY NICK

https://youtu.be/yNBReh_pBPk

NATHAN

He's here, he's queer... and oddly enough starting off by not doing a Video DR; however, I think when making an initial first impression/trust list this method seems to go a little smoother... First off, coming right off of Big Brother Pasio and thrown into this game has made my head hurt more than it should. I forgot how annoying and tiresome the initial conversations are with everybody. With that said, I have begun to kinda pick out a path that may be suitable for me this season. In Pasio, my goal was to lay low, not be seen, and form connections. That strategy is going to be partially active this time around as well. I'm a big personality, and while that's fun and cute, I learned by keeping a low profile in the beginning portion while remaining social it does wonders. I don't need to be a Skinny Nick character and be talking in the house call and house chat at every ounce I get. With that being said, this season is full of Pasio players... some in which I had both good and bad experiences with. However, pushing that aside I really have my eyes set and locked on Aria. I have a feeling that the other Pasio alumni may see her for how she played in Pasio and I do as well, but I want to make sure her and I are on as good as terms as possible. She did NOT like me in Pasio, so rekindling that flame is ultra important. Alongside Aria, I get to play with both Monty and Jacob who I've had rocky relationships with in the past, but have grown to become great friends outside this. Working with them is going to be vital, but keeping them too close is suicide. With that being said, here's my initial trust ranking:

1. Aria

2. Jacob 

3. Nash

4. Jev

5. Josh

6. Monty

7. Joey

8. Nick

- - -

END LIST

JOSH C

okay, well nominations just came out and i can't say i'm too surprised that nash got nominated for eviction considering she hasn't responded to me yet and most everyone else is saying the same. i can't really imagine anyone using the veto on her unless she has a complete social turn around in the next 24 hours but that seems like.. a stretch. just gotta hope she doesn't win! we love an easy first week boot!

i'm a little sad about kiki getting nominated because i've really hit it off with them, but i think it's a good way to secure some trust with them and spark off a relationship. i've been trying to already be like YOU GOT THIS, YOU'RE STAYING! NASH DOESN'T TALK TO ANYONE! and i think they're being receptive. i like that i can joke around with them, so i'm hoping they enjoy me as much as i enjoy them.

i've also had aria and jake come talk to me about noms which means they trust me and that's GOOD. i want to try to secure something with them soon because i think they're both people that would want to work with me and i know that jake doesn't have a lot of connections already so being an early ally of his would be BIG.

just trying to focus on being a cute little social presence so people don't really focus on targeting me early on. i think this is a game full of half social players and some.. not so exciting people so it'll be easy to just slip through by not being the most boring person around. i don't want to promise TOO many people loyalty just yet but i think building a small core for myself will be important to keep me safe and i'm hoping that can come with jake/aria/kiki/jacob(?)

JAKE

chile............. where the fuck am i?

i dont know what dimension i'm in right now with these people but i am ready to show them what i am made of!! so far i've felt..... on the outs of most of what is going on so im just gonna give my perspective on things so far!! 

the cast....... ill just do an assessment

dem: said maybe three words to me since we've started... so there's that

saira: seems like a queen! i def need to talk to her more i've been sleeping on her and i think we'll get along well

joey: girl sometimes idk what this man is saying to me but we're rolling w it..

nash: her "sick" ass hasnt responded to my message from yesterday so bye

joshua: oh he can work! hes fun to talk to and i def see some potential to working with him. hes only 16 so yung so pure i remember those days </3

nathan: hes so hot god i literally want to eat his entire ass but i dont wanna be creepy so im trying to subtly flirt with him SDLKJFSKF he seems to be a sneaky player to me but hopefully thats not the case and we can be a showmance later on hehe

emma: LEGEND. QUEEN! PUT SOME RESPECT ON HER NAMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my ride or die in this thing <3

jev: oh jevfrey my angel im so happy he's here!!! he's a loyal guy from what i remember and ill def be working with him ESPECIALLY now that hes the first hoh ayyyyY!!!! i feel completely safe with him

kiki: oh i LOVE THEMMMM we had a great connection from the jump and i have a soft spot for them for sure. theyre sadly nominated this week i did not know why jev made that decision but i will make sure they stay know THAT

monty: monty left me on read :( we had a kinda awk convo so idk how monty feels about me right now?? i def dont think he trusts me and ugh i hate the tension!!!!!!!! i hope we can resolve it all and be friends again

josh: KDJKFG i love this man... hes not entire truthful and is def playing me a bit but i think he's great and hopefully he doesnt turn out to be the snake i think he has the potential to be

gina: idk what to think of this girl she doesn't reply much to me and we haven't really spoken much for me to really get a good read of her. i infected her and idk if she'll take that a certain way i came to her with the explanation that we just havent talked as much. idk shes fine?

mo: hahhaha hes a cutie too and i think hes not much of a talker so i think hes nice for the most part it's just kinda hard talking to him sometimes

brianna: um....... yeah we haven't spoken yet and she infected me so idk how to feel about her yet. she claims it was this number system but do i fully believe thats what she based it on? not really.. so ill def have to talk to her more

aria: NOW THIS........ THIS IS ELEGANCE. THIS IS CLASS. THIS IS EXPENSIVE. THIS IS TASTE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! this 15 year old girl has me shaking to my god damn core with her social game within a 20 minute conversation ive already devoted my entire game to her and our "attention whores" alliance. iM GAGGGEDDDD i really like her and i know shes a big threat but if shes with me then we can do some damage together hehe

skinny nick: SKINNYYYYY i dont have much to say about nick i think they're well connected in this game so i have to make sure i'm good with them a little more. our convos are a little dry hopefully that'll change as the game goes on

jacob: a sweetie.. i really like jacob as a person but as a player he scares the shit out of me DSLKFGFKJ he lied to me like every round in BBHOS9 so i dont rly know if i can trust him. he def has other friends in this community hes playing with so ill have to sus out who exactly that is...

and......... yeah! kiki and nash are nommed. gina n jacob went to the down under. i think jacob will def get whatever power is down there he is one lucky man so i wouldn't be surprised if it's something good. oh well hopefully when i go i get whatever the best thing is a dpov mayhaps!.......

i hope the next hoh is something i can win because i want these people to TALK TO MEEEE tell me where their heads are at for god's sake! me on day 2: why arent you telling me all your alliances? dFGKLF i feel like im okay just gotta talk to some said people more and try to make sure they dont hate me!

JOSHUA

I thought Jev was nice but I'll have to go back on that because he absolutely is not fooling a single person, I thought we'd be allies but he's been acting sus all day so he can choke on rat piss. Joey and nick literally aren't talking to me at awl so... they can choke and die too. Aria is talking to me a lot but I know she talks to everyone a lot sjdkjds queen of big brother pasio... but I trust her for now I guess. Other than that I'm not super like concerned with anyone else I mean brianna kiki gina mo are nice I guess.. mo is a little hard to talk to though so :( anyway glad to be here but my social is kind of rocky skjdjskdj : ( ( ( ( ( 

JEV

SKINNY NICK

https://youtu.be/0Kb-twzCkYI

MO

trying to hint to dem that I’m not okay... wonder if it’s working

ARIA

its week one. its week ONE. why is everyone being so cracked i hate it here i absolutely hate it here someone take me out with a sniper rifle im sick of this, but its fine im gonna try to do my best to explain EVERYTHING bc whew is there a lot..

First off lets start with the fact ive been talking with everyone from the moment i woke up and my fingers hurt so much but also now people like me and thats all i need in life so heck yes!! So when it was nash vs kiki i start planting seeds to keep kiki with people and then nash wins veto so thats thrown out the window yayyyy- 

Things start happening after jev renoms Mo. First off i get a call with crack kills (joey bri me) and we discuss the vote a little bit with Joey leaning towards keeping Mo and Me/Bri wanting to keep Kiki, joey leaves and me and bri talk about the alliance we were invited to (jacob josh jake kiki us) and then i notice theres a house vc which i then go and join alone.

It was silent for a bit before they mentioned they were talking about votes and were being kinda secretive about names but i asked directly so Mo tells me that dem told him that there was 5 confirmed votes against Mo (nash Jacob Nick Joshua/Jacob(dont remember which) and Josh c) he said the names really fast so i mightve missed a few and nathan interjects about my notes and like??? shut up nathan???? anyways i act all shook about an alliance and we talk about votes and apparently when mo campaigned to bri she just sent "hugs" and im caCKLIGN FDSGFDSH anyways that confirmed 5 votes is gonna make people nervous and cause people to keep Mo which like, im not totally against but i just want a unan vote please. Also i think dem & emma dont really trust me which is big ughhh idk if one of the pregame girlies (any of the names from that list) win hoh next week ill throw one of them utb easy peasy 

So then i start asking around to gina and she ghosts me??? gina NEVER ghosts me so im sketched out there and Mo is asking for my help when i already told kiki i would save her its such a messsss. So if i had to guess the sides i would say 

PREGAME GIRLIES: Nash Jacob Jake Joshua Josh c kiki

UNCONNECTED NOT PROTECTED: Dem Joey Emma Nathan Mo

Whomst: Saira Jev Monty Nick Gina Bri

Help: Aria

So, where do i go from here? How do i make sure this vote comes out hecking even,,, im not sure. nvm i am sure because Mo just told me they want to give up HFBHJBSDFS MO MY SAVIOR ILL NEVER FORGET YOU KING <<<<3333333 okay nvm hes not fully giving up but im giving him an avenue that would make my life much easier where im telling him to have good convos with people so they connect more and if anyone feels moved theyll come to me and ill get the ball rolling with a easy peasy unan vote hopefully. But i think i might be able to manipulate this situation to my advantage WHEW im hyped now!!

So lets say mo leaves the thought of those "five confirmed votes" is still gonna be in peoples heads mainly dem/joey/emma/nathan which might form into a side and go hard for hoh taking out some big social player and then we have two sides going after each other which would be cute.

I would make trust rankings but i trust no one fbhsafd and thats on pewiod

JAKE

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!! im not the first boot :~) let's celebrate that.... 

but i'm not too thrilled about these noms...... im happy nash won POV she started talking to me more and shes actually really cool so i wanted her to stay. i am sad kiki is nominated i don't want them to go at all..... and mo being the replacement nominee was a shock to everyone i think..... 

i don't have a problem with mo leaving cuz we have a weak connection i just thought dem was going up based on my prior conversations with jev. he says dem started talking to him more but i just wish jev would talk to me and emma about his decisions if we're "aligned"?? like whats the point of having an alliance if we don't have any say in your decisions?

today i woke up to a message from josh asking me what i think about being in an alliance with jacob brianna aria and kiki........ and im just like wtf where this come from and he said that jacob is making it and its just his fave ppl??? im like ok like im not one to turn down an alliance but i let him know that i dont rly trust jacob n brianna as much as the others in the alliance. hopefully this makes him feel close to me and not blab his mouth to jacob ab that! 

brianna has yet to speak to me and jacob is just someone im always gonna have a hard time trusting sooo if i have to nominate them down the line i won't hesitate unless this alliance is genuine and helping me in the game.

i really only trust emma so far with aria being my secret spy and big meat shield im gonna need in this game. aria's super well connected and im hoping she'll be able to provide me w the information i need to take bitches down later on. 

i think i'd be worried about brianna winning bc we've never talked but at least we have this alliance possibly in the works?? and i dont know if nick would nominate me we haven't talked much..

but i want to win the next hoh so people actually talk to me LOL praying i can win