#tho don't think he really has self restraint like that

[keii]

late morning

[vaokses]

I worked the blade to make it deeper

Series Masterlist / General Masterlist

Pairing: Aegon x Rhaenyra's Daughter!Reader

Summary: Nearly two years have gone by since you left with your mother for Dragonstone, and yet your absence is as sharp as the first day. Rumors spread through King's Landing about how a Tyrell knight has captured your heart, and these rumors haunt Aegon, from the Keep to the taverns, leading him, drunk and reckless, to a brothel in the Street of Silk. Not in search of comfort, or in search of some illusion of you to keep him company through the night, but in search of something else.

Word Count: 4.4k 

Warnings: 18+. Smut (slight). Prostitution. Dubious consent. Drunkenness, alcohol consumption. Voyeurism. Self-harming or self-destructive actions/thoughts. Aegon's head is not in a good place at all. Descriptions/Allusions to panic attacks. A lot of angst, just a lot of it. Hurt and no comfort. Allusions to bad BDSM practices. I write this with sub!Aegon in mind, by the way, I don't know how explicit it is in this work, but it's there, and I'm warning you in case it's not your cup of tea. If I missed any warning tags, I apologize, and please let me know.

Some AU/Setting stuff: Same universe as How long this love can hold its breath and the Pirtir series. This takes place nearly a year before the beginning of the story, around four or so months before the other Aegon PoV chapter. You don't need to read either to read this tho.

A/N: So, I couldn't get this idea out of my head. It mixes some of book!Aegon's approach to intimacy/sex because I find it really interesting. This is just a lot of angst, but his character is so fucking sad, I can't help myself. I'll write some fluff for him at some point, I promise.

Title is from "Love opened a mortal wound. In agony, I worked the blade to make it deeper." by Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz.

All of this would be easier if he could just forget, Aegon gathers. If he could just forget about you, about what he lost and what he didn’t have, then everything would be easier. The quiet of the Keep wouldn’t feel so deafening, the future ahead of him would be a tad less unbearable. 

And he wouldn’t be sneaking around like an idiot, eavesdropping on his mother and his grandsire’s conversation because he heard your name. 

“That boy will hand the Blacks the Reach if we do not step in,” Alicent argues, voice laden with worry. “His father is old, and he hasn’t inherited his judiciousness, his restraint.” 

“Lord Alisdair might still bend, once the Princess leaves Highgarden and his blood cools. Nothing makes a man as bold as a woman’s smile.” 

“Her smile, or the promise of her hand?” 

Aegon feels as if a weight had been dropped on his chest, and yet he does not even think about tearing himself away from here, about ceasing in his listening for any news of you. The closest he can get to you, nowadays. 

“No arrangements have been made yet, and if t-…” 

“My lord husband will approve if Rhaenyra asks this of him, you know this. He will wed her granddaughter to the Tyrell boy himself if it is her who asks.” 

“Has she asked?”  

A few beats of silence, the seconds before an executioner’s sword finds a neck. 

“It is a matter of time.” 

___ 

It is as natural as breathing, to Aegon, to escape the confines of the Red Keep by now, to evade his guards and sneak into the city.  

Now he sits alone -he shrunk from his usual company, he isn’t sure even why-,  nursing yet another jug of mead and chasing languidly for the welcome stupor of a stiff drink, and finds that not even here do you stop tormenting him. 

“My sister was there for the tourney in Highgarden,” A woman comments, carelessly loud as she speaks to the group of people sitting with her, a table away from Aegon’s. “She said the eldest of House Redwyne gifted the Princess a mare.” 

“As dragon food?” The man she sits on the lap of asks, prompting her to laugh. 

“I would like a mare as a gift,” One of the girls argues, at another’s scoff arguing, “What? What is wrong with that?” 

“The Princess rides Vermithor. What is a fucking horse against the second largest dragon in the world?” 

The wench that is sent to refill Aegon’s drink presses against him unnecessarily, and her hand traces over his shoulders as she moves away. He feels her gaze on him, watching raptly to see if he follows her with his own gaze, if he wishes to play along. 

He mislikes this, these games, playing pretend at seduction. It feels even more false than it already is, fucking a woman, if she likes pretending she wants something beyond the tenuous oblivion they can find in one another. 

“You gather she’s coming here anytime soon?” The man from the other table asks, diverting his attention to them -to you- once again. 

“I don’t think so. Everyone would be scurrying about in preparation. Whenever there’s something brewing up in the Keep we have more work months ahead.” 

“I hear she’ll summer in Highgarden.” One of the younger girls comments. 

The old woman’s laughter is shrill, grating. Gloating, almost. At least that is what it sounds like, to him. 

“Of course she is. Alasdair Tyrell has returned from the Shield Islands, and victorious at that. Made them swear to her cause, apparently.” 

“To Rhaenyra’s?” 

“No.” 

Silence follows the simple answer. Aegon motions for the wench to refill his drink, which she doesn’t do quickly enough. 

“Oh,” The man breathes. Short little chuckles escape his chest, and he praises, “Clever lad, eh?” 

“‘Tis quite a wedding gift, is it not?” 

Aegon takes fast, perhaps hurried, gulps from the flagon, but the mead isn’t enough to drown out their voices. 

“So she has agreed to it?” 

“She is a young girl, and he a knight who has more than proven his devotion. He doesn’t have her hand yet, but I’d bet he has her heart.” 

“So it isn’t just Vermithor she wants to ride,” The man boasts, followed by what sounds like a slap. “Ow!” 

“‘Tis the future Queen you speak of, you fool.” 

He should stop himself, but he doesn’t want to. Aegon turns to them and asks,  

“And the future wife of Lord Tyrell, no?” 

“My Prince.” One -or a few, he doesn’t really care- of them greets, and a few heads bow, but he motions their empty platitudes away. 

“It is a…a joyous thing, a betrothal. And one made for love, at that,” He smiles at them, but they don’t smile back. They look at him like he’s seen hunters look at cornered beasts, they look at him as if they’re afraid of him. “We don’t see much of those nowadays, do we?” 

“No, my Prince.” The older man agrees, still cautious. 

He isn’t an idiot, he knows that he wasn’t…that you don’t feel for him what he does for you, that you don’t think about him as often as he thinks about you. But some part of him, foolish and perhaps more than a little masochistic, still hoped the truth might be another. 

Still hoped, against hope, against reason, that you might one day return, that you might still choose him. 

“A cause for celebration then, isn’t it?” He asks, standing up and swaying slightly on his feet. Their faces are guarded, careful, and though he makes his best attempt at another smile, shameless and debauched, it seems they see through it. He pushes on, “Drinks for all! On me!” 

He plays along, he plays his part, for a while. The mead keeps flowing, and when it ceases, he switches to wine. Watered down and tasteless, but it washes away the ashes the memory of you leaves on his tongue. 

And the loud voices and cheers of the people in the tavern drown out even his thoughts for a while, but he finds that tonight the wine does not make his thoughts any easier to bear. It seems instead to make them louder, to make the ache deep in his chest sharper, worse. 

As the night goes on, his thoughts get louder and the crowd around him quieter as they return to their homes, and Aegon refuses to return to the quiet, the solitude, of the Red Keep. 

___ 

Long ago, years ago, he would come to places such as this and ask them to be soft with him, to hold him and treat him gently, to be what he imagined you would be -what he glimpsed at, what he had, for however short a while it was-, to grant him what he supposed he might have had, were you to have stayed. 

But he understood fairly quickly that it just made everything worse, that it made the absence much sharper, the emptiness gnaw at him with renewed strength; and so he started refusing them whenever they tried to offer anything gentle. They did it wrong, anyways, it just made him feel brittle and cold and alone, and he prefers the distance, and the oblivion it provides, over the hollowness that their false warmth leaves him with. 

The months and then the years went by, and you never returned, not even a glimpse of you and Vermithor on the distant skies, not even a short visit with your family, not even a fucking letter; and Aegon can no longer hold on to the fantasy that you might have wanted him, that you could have loved him. 

He gathers that it was for the better, that the illusion has shattered. It makes it easier, to find oblivion buried in some whore or another, to have his nights away from the Keep be the reprieve they ought to be. It makes it easier to make things quiet again, to lose himself when he can force his useless heart out of the way.  

But he often trips on it. His heart, that is. 

And sometimes his yearning overpowers his reason, and he finds himself searching for a shadow of you, a version of you that still wants him. Despite the ache and the absence, he still can’t bring himself to ask any of the women to pretend to care for him, to pretend to love him, anymore. 

He tells himself it is enough that they look like you when the lights are dim and wine clouds his senses, that they don’t say anything when it is your name he calls out. He tells himself it is enough to have this, and that to ask for more would be to ask to be torn open. 

But the absence remains, the hollowness remains, a void gnawing away at him, hungrier and hungrier the longer he indulges in foolish illusions, in tricks of the light.  

At his weakest, he asks them to prove to him what he already knows to be true. That you, fantasy or real, illusion or not, do not care for him, do not love him. That you, upon knowing what he has made out of himself, aware of what they will ask him to become, have come to hate him. So he asks them to hurt him, to refuse him, to turn away from him.  

He doesn’t understand why he does it, why he still chases after that when it leaves him just as empty as asking for anything else does. He doesn’t understand the part of him that finds comfort in his own ruin. 

He doesn’t understand why he comes here, why he is restless as he crosses the doors into the familiar brothel, why he feels his throat close up at the sounds and scents of this place, why his chest feels tight with something between desperation and dread as he sets out to…to do what it takes to make his thoughts stop, to make himself understand that he must forget. 

He finds the one he’s looking for fairly easily, long silver hair and deep red dress amidst a sea of heads of dark hair and half-naked bodies. Her back is turned to him, and the wine makes the sight resemble a familiar dream for a moment, and his breath catches. 

But when he reaches her and she turns to face him, the face isn’t a familiar one, the eyes are wrong, and the smile is a mockery of yours. 

He still extends a hand, wordless, to ask her to join him. 

It’s almost funny, that for all he despises his ancestry, what he has inherited; in the eyes of any of the patrons of this establishment he is but another Targaryen man, looking to get it wet only with the ones that, real or no, reflect the blood of a lost world. 

It is preferrable that they don’t know any better. He’d rather be his father’s son than the fool that yearns for a woman he cannot have. 

Aegon isn’t sure why he’s doing this, why he has come here, why tonight the wine has made the pain only sharper, more unbearable. He isn’t sure if he’s punishing himself, for being as stupid as to allow himself to hope you’d return to him; or if he’s just resigning himself to the truth that is, forcing himself to shatter with his own hands, before his very eyes, the fantasy of what could have been. 

But he wants this, he…he needs this.  

“And you,” He calls out, pointing to a well-built young man with warm eyes and chestnut hair. Quite close to a knight. Quite close to a Tyrell, even. Aegon offers him a smile, wide and lecherous. It is a lie, but it is one he himself believes, and the false merriment keeps him safe. “You will join us.” 

The man takes Aegon’s free hand, and he lets them lead him to a private room, of dim lights and of air heavy with incense. In the midst of the hanging curtains, the many candles, and the huge bed in the center of it all, Aegon feels for a moment as if he’s suffocating. 

“What can we do for you, my Prince?” The woman asks, voice low, sultry, dripping with false sweetness. 

A nauseating blend of anxiousness and dread rise within him, and though he reaches for the glass of wine on a nearby table, downing the drink in two gulps in an attempt to chase these feelings away, they linger. 

Aegon watches, numbly, as the man reaches for a pitcher and refills his cup without a word. It is welcome, almost a comfort, the weight of a full glass in his hand. 

“I…I want to watch,” Aegon admits, voice hoarse in what he absently hopes they confuse with lust. “The two of you. I want to watch the two of you.” 

There’s a chair near the bed but far enough, aimed towards it. He has the absent thought of how many must come here not for participation but for a show, and Aegon tries clinging to that small observation, amuse himself to thoughts of what others come to do in these places; but his mind, anticipating and yet dreading what is to come, lingers on the present. 

His gaze, unfocused and staring at nothing but the faint memories he wishes would leave him, cannot look at them as the man and woman undress and sit together in bed, looking at him.  

He cannot look at them, and yet he feels their gazes on him. He feels as if he were the one naked, the one on display, asked to put up a show. 

“My Prince?” The woman calls out, forcing his eyes to focus on her. 

She awaits instruction, and he finds he can’t give it. 

It is a painful reality, a mortifying truth, that he does not know how to offer softness, gentleness. Or how to receive it. Or how to witness it, even. 

In losing you, he gathers he also lost the part of him that knew of the softness of a gentle touch, that knew how not to shatter at the thought of warmth. 

And now he can’t even make this…this pretender, already a poor mimicry of you, portray your warmth, the gentleness of your affection; and Aegon cannot even witness a glimpse of the warmth and the softness that you surely now give freely to that fool on the far end of the world. 

It dawns on him then, that he has forgotten pieces of you, that he has lost part of you to time and to distance. And realization isn’t a weight dropped on his chest, or the ground giving in under his feet, no; realization is a slow pressure, a shrinking tunnel, an exhale that left him too late to realize he wouldn’t be able to inhale again. 

He grabs for the cup with shaking fingers, grips it so tight he fears it might crack, and downs the rest of the drink. But the numbness is escaping him, slipping like sand between his fingers, and the haziness has given way to something much worse, to a quickly-beating heart and thoughts chasing themselves in circles. 

And all the wine does now is make him feel as if he’s only further drowning, further losing whatever grasp he has at himself. He still drinks. 

What can he tell her? That he wishes to be hurt, punished, for his weakness, for his faults? That he wishes to see what he has lost, what he never had, what he never will have?  

That he wants for the thoughts to stop, for the pain to stop, and he only knows how to escape them with this, with sex; but the memory of you lingers too close, a knife wedged next to his heart, for him to even consider enduring another’s touch tonight? 

He tells her the truth instead, and if instead of a command it sounds like an accusation, he does not care. 

“You love him.”  

It is all the instruction he can give. He does not know what love looks like, what love feels like, so even if she doesn’t either and the act is a poor one, Aegon won’t know the difference. 

The man and woman fall easily into the parts they must play, pressing their bodies together and sharing a deep kiss, letting their hands explore each other slowly, with the pace of two people with all the time in the world, with the calm of those who have promised each other a lifetime. Aegon watches, and the nakedness of their bodies does not seem lewd, instead it betrays an intimacy, a warmth, that makes the void in his chest awaken with an oppressive sort of longing. 

Aegon’s gaze lingers on him, on the ‘knight’. He finds he cannot look away, and it isn’t jealousy that overwhelms him, or anger; instead, all that fills his him at the sight is dread, and morbid fascination.  

The man’s fingers are buried within her, his lips at her throat, and Aegon feels as if a knife were slowly embedded somewhere within his chest. With each breath, the knife digs deeper, tears further at an old wound, and yet he doesn’t look away. Instead, his breath quickens. 

And he knows it’s an act, that they’re playing at sharing a love they do not know or have, but he doesn’t know it or have it either, and sitting here he only feels more alone.  

But he cannot join them. Because you do not want him. 

After what he isn’t sure if it is a moment or an eternity, darkened gazes flicker to him, awaiting his permission, his command, to go on, with quickened breaths. Though for a moment Aegon finds himself staring back, unmoored and uncertain, he quickly recovers and stutters a response to go on with it. 

The man grunts a curse against her breasts as he enters her in one swift motion, and she sighs at the feeling, hoarse little moan rumbling past her lips as she adjusts to having him inside her. 

They start moving together, and though the sight before him is an objectively alluring one, and if nothing else he should be able to focus on the sounds leaving their lips, on the sound and scent of sex filling the room, Aegon finds himself not even slightly aroused. 

Then again, he didn’t expect to. He might enjoy pain sometimes, and perhaps even seek it, but seeing a mirror -however muddied, however imperfect- of the woman he loves making love to someone else is something out of a nightmare, not something he might enjoy stroking his cock to.  

He didn’t think it’d hurt like this, though. He feels useless tears stinging at his eyes, and his breath hitches, because he expected it to hurt, but he didn’t think it’d torture him like this. 

And yet he can’t bring himself to stop them, feels undeserving of intruding upon their -your-, however false, love. With a breathed little laugh that only further blurs the lines between the reality of two paid whores acting out what he wants and the mirages of two people on the far end of the world, the woman switches their positions, straddling him. 

Unprompted, the man sits up, mouths at her neck as she aligns his cock with her cunt again. Slowly, sensually, she starts riding him. 

Aegon sniffles, tries hiding a stuttered breath, and leans forward. What he means to sound like an order, like an instruction, is voiced instead as a plea,  

“H-…I want you to hold him, while…while you ride him. Hold him against you.” 

She does as he commands, and the sight of their embrace is enough to force Aegon to look away, flinch away from pain as sharp as a hit. He reaches for the pitcher of wine, movements hurried and jittery, and pours himself another glass, uncaring that it spills. 

He gives another order, another command. One after another. He tells the man, for he is naught but a lucky fool that doesn’t even see the fortune bestowed upon him, how to touch you, how to make you feel good, how to make you his.  

They lose themselves in each other, waiting for no further instruction, exchanging caresses and kisses and breathed moans as they move together, as one. 

Aegon feels his composure, weak and brittle as it was already, begin to crumble. His hands grip at the armrests of the chair and tears burn at his eyes. He’s trembling, but neither of them stop, because neither of you notice, because you have each other, and he does not matter. 

He shakes his head, tries thinking clearly past the daze of alcohol and grief, and reminds himself it’s them. They’re strangers, they’re pretenders. He clings to that reminder. 

And yet each whispered word that they share, each shared breath, each tender touch, it feels as if it’s mocking him, taunting him with what he cannot have, what he can only watch from afar. 

The effect of the wine and the tears spilling from his eyes blur the edges of his vision, making the already stifling room seem smaller, the air thicker. Each breath feels pulled from his lungs, his body at the command of someone else, because he still cannot look away. 

He understands better than ever why Helaena presses her palms to her ears when the crowds get too loud. He wants nothing more than to cover his ears, close his eyes, hide himself and get away. Why is he here, why is he doing this? 

He doesn’t want this, he doesn’t want to see this. He doesn’t want this to happen. And yet he can’t stop watching, why can’t he stop this? 

She’s close to the edge, he can tell, and while he needs for this to be over, he cannot stand the thought of it at the same time. 

It is unbearable, and he stands from that chair, not to approach them but to step away. The room spins around him, his balance fails him, his voice fails him. 

She clings to him, hides her face in the knight’s neck and away from Aegon’s view. She looks like you, and she sounds like you, and he lost you he lost you he lost you. 

“Tell him you love him.” The voice is his, but not really, and he hears it from far away, from somewhere beyond the panicked cadence of his breaths, from a dream in which it is your love for him that Aegon asks to hear. 

You bring your knight closer to you, hand tangling in short tresses of chestnut hair. Your mouth is close to his ear, your voice a breath, a promise Aegon knows he shouldn’t be allowed to hear,  

“I love you.” 

You shatter, and so does Aegon. 

Her cry of pleasure and the knight’s mask the horrified sob that leaves Aegon’s chest at what he has done, at what he has tainted; and in their shared ecstasy they thankfully do not see him squeeze his eyes shut and cravenly look away, face crumpled in agony. 

He stumbles back onto the chair, some absent voice in the back of his mind reminding him it is unfitting of a prince to fall on the ground, that the people cannot see him on his knees. 

He thought he’d be in control, that if he commanded them, if he was… 

His thoughts matter not, what he expected matters not. The fantasy, painful as it was, has shattered, and the jagged pieces of it dig into him like glass. 

Aegon slumps in the chair, his body exhausted and worn. He feels used, wretched, and despite the weariness consuming his very bones, his mind remains restless, agitated. 

And the silence that lingers after they are done is worse, almost. He cannot bear to look at them.

“You…you can leave,” He tells them. A breath, two, and with a rush of energy he doesn’t have, Aegon stands up instead. The movement feels uneven, exaggerated, and he grabs at the back of the chair to keep himself from falling over. With his free hand, he gestures at them to stay where they are, and corrects himself, “I-I will leave. I’m…I’m the one intruding, am I not?” 

They don’t laugh, so he does. Or he tries to, but what leaves him is this manic little sound, this choked sob. 

He moves to leave the room, but he stumbles over his own feet, and thankfully catches himself on a nearby pillar. He needs to get out. 

Everything is too much, too bright, too loud, too painful, and he cannot escape it. In his head still resonates the breathed I love you. 

Why would you say that to him? He…he’s nothing, he doesn’t… 

No, no. Aegon squeezes his eyes shut and reminds himself that it wasn’t you, it was her. The impostor, that…that poor mimicry of you.  

And he instructed her to say that. Why did he do that? 

He wanted to fill the emptiness inside him, to…to quieten it all for a few moments, he didn’t want…he didn’t want this. But the void within him grows, and it hungers, and it tears away at pieces of him, breath by breath. 

He stumbles out of the pleasure house on trembling legs, but doesn’t make it far before his labored breaths become too quick, too uneven. The air that enters his lungs hurriedly, stutteringly, over and over, still isn’t enough for him to breathe. 

Aegon staggers into a nearby alley, clawing desperately at the brick wall in an attempt to keep himself grounded, to keep himself from breaking, from falling. 

He still does, between labored breaths and memories that taste of ash, he crumbles under the weight of his disgust and his hatred at himself, at what he does, at what he failed to do; and falls onto the cold ground. 

Back against the wall of the empty alley, Aegon brings his knees to his chest, and hugs them close to himself, head bowed and eyes shut tight as he tries forgetting.  

I would love to hear your thoughts on this! My askbox is always open for questions or comments, and soon I think I'll be taking requests.

I should have waited to post this (I posted the first chapter of Pirtir today) but I couldn't help myself. This was so fun to write. I find these themes really interesting, and I want to delve into them again in the future. I have some stuff planned but they're still a bit further ahead in the posting schedule.

Thank you for reading!

[slugghee]

FELT ASSHOLE RANKING!!

who's the assholiest of them all!!

Itchy - Itchiest asshole on the planet

Die - Definition of disproportionate retribution. Would vivisect you for what could creatively be interpreted as a slight against him… if he had the fucking balls (Unrelated but he would scream if he saw this ranking. He does not believe him and Itchy are anywhere near the same level)

Clover - Gets away with wayyy too much shit and he knows it. The master of backhanded compliments. Has a lil' nasty habit of treating his peers like toys. Loves to employ plausible deniability with his assholery, and his luck covers his tracks

Snowman - Would surpass Clover if she didn't think the Felt simply weren't worth the effort. Has no problem instilling mortal fear in them for the sin of breathing the same air as her

Trace - Will deny it but he’s by far the biggest shittalker in the Felt. Can get very mean about people he doesn't care about, even if he’s too much of a little bitch to say it to their face. His past trails power also gives him a lot of material…

Fin - Originally wasn't that much of an asshole at all, but has become more and more assholey after joining the Felt (*cough* no thanks to Trace…)

Crowbar - Assholery is mostly limited to workplace frustrations. Unfortunately, he has never had a fucking hour off

Matchsticks - don't be fooled by his firefighter schtick… he starts fires on PURPOSE! all to experience the rush of PUTTING THEM OUT! Assholery is mostly but not entirely limited to disingenuous arson tactics

Stitch - His power gives him plenty of opportunities to commit assholery. However, he's much more responsible about it than most other felt members would be. Doesn't stop him tho

Quarters - Just because he's a standoffish loner doesn't mean he's an asshole. Well unless you try to talk to him for more than 15 seconds

Biscuits - More aware of the consequences of him and Eggs's antics than Eggs is, but goes along with it anyways because they're buddies :) (and also he generally cares less about others’ feelings than Eggs does) 

Doze - Can get extremely passive aggressive if you make him angry. Usually it's justified though… usually…

Sawbuck - By far the most well-adjusted Felt member. Sawbuck only acts like an asshole when it's hot or justified. Even then he tries not to start conflicts, not because he's a pushover but because he has self-respect and robust self-restraint. (and also bc his power sucks)

Cans - He's just here to help!! Has trouble reading the room and gets riled up quickly, but will apologize for misunderstandings. Still not above teasing everyone for being fucking TINY!!

Eggs - Really… not an asshole. It would be hard for him to act assholeish if he tried. Not above pranking folks with Biscuits but that's like bare bones leprechaun behavior

[pacifymebby]

Hey! Can I request the peaky boys with a reader who has abandonment issues, I just know alfie will give one of his best bear hugs if you tell him about it, I'm wondering how it would work out tho cause of them being gangsters and all

Hi there lovely!! Im so sorry that this has taken me this long to get to, i loved this request so much and i wanted to do it justice? I have abandonment issues ngl so i hope i did manage to do this justice

Tommy

🌿So caught up in his own issues he doesn't notice yours until someone else points it out to him.

🌿 Honestly i think tommy has one of those terrible inferiority matched with superiority complexes that means hes constantly oscillating between "I'm beneath them" and "fuck everyone I'm better than everyone"

🌿Like beneath everything theres this desperation to be loved that isn't calmed but more squashed and silenced by his convinction that he isnt worth loving/ cant be loved

🌿 So anyway between all these issues he has he probably won't notice anything about you to indicate that you have an issue of your own. He's not exactly self centered, more that theres already so much noise in his head...

🌿 And it'll be his issues that push your issues. His convictions that hes a bad man that you shouldn't love... He'll probably do the dramatic thing and try to cut you off or push you away when things in his life get dangerous for you...

🌿And you'll panic and get so sad and he will see he's breaking your heart and terrifying you but it'll take someone like Pol to slap him round the face before he really understands what hes doing to you

🌿 The way him pushing you away just makes you hold on tighter... There will be a bit of relief in him too, he'll like the fact that you don't want to leave him (because of those issues of his own) and there'll be a level of healing there for him, realising someone does think he's worth loving.

🌿But i think when it all comes to a head, you'd be arguing, you'd both say hurtful evil things to one another in the heat of the moment "you can't just fucking leave me!" "its for your own fucking good, are you stupid? Don't go thinking for a second that i want to do this love, im just doing the intelligent thing... Youre an intelligent girl aren't you? Don't be so fucking stupid..." "I don't want to live without you!" "better you died without me than because of me y/n" "Can't you see thats the same fucking thing tommy!"

🌿 And then maybe finally he'd understand, he'd see your desperation, see how hurt you really are and he'd soften and return to you, kiss you, hold you in his arms, change his mind.

🌿 "You don't want to live without me?" "No," "then you won't, you won't..." just gently shushing you... But he does think you're insane and wants to know why you're like this, wants to know what happened to you to leave you so scared of being alone

🌿He'd be angry and bitter about this too, why would anyone treat someone as lovely as you with so little care or heart. He'd want to kill them, take their eyes, do something to take revenge, he would probably exercise self restraint though.

🌿 I think he'd have a whole new complex but it would be slightly healthy in an insane and unhealthy way... His new obsession would be staying alive for you, not wanting to abandon you, knowing his life means he could die any minute, death lurks round every corner, it stalks him through the streets...

🌿 And because of this he'd write you letters every now and then for just in case it happens, explaining to you how he isnt just abandoning you. He'd make sure all his affairs were in order, that you wouldn't be left on your own. There would be instructions for his family on making sure to take you in, he'd tell Polly to treat you like a daughter ect.

🌿 He would make you a promise he couldn't keep. Tommy gives the impression of being sensible but he's always making people promises he can't keep (because he's arrogant enough to believe that he can keep those promises)

🌿He'll hold you so tenderly, tell you he loves you, no one else just you, tells you he'd die without you too. He's being deadly serious too. His biggest fear is something happening to you that leaves him left in this world without you.

🌿He'd make sure you knew you were loved, he'd buy you a necklace or something, something simple, that you could wear all the time, that would remind you he was with you always.

🌿You would get so insecure so often just because Tommy socialises in glamourous circles and often meets the most beautiful women, but he would always know the right things to say and do to sooth your worries and reassure you that you mean the world to him.

Alfie

🐻 If you thought he was soft with you before wait till you see him now

🐻 Alfie is very in tune with your emotions and he can tell when you're worried or feeling down. So he knows that something is getting to you before you admit it to him

🐻 You have been trying to hide your issues too because you're aware that it's just a bad choice to be romantically involved with a dangerous gangster when you are quite so scared of being abandoned or left behind like you are.

🐻 Your way of trying to deal with these issues is to kid yourself that you don't have them, that everythings fine, that you'd be completely fine if anything were to happen to Alfie or if he just decided he wasn't interested in you anymore. So whenever Alfie does try to ask whats wrong you would just shut him out and dismiss him

🐻 And when it does come time for him to go away on business, when his life is potentially at risk, you would try to pretend you weren't bothered... Which would hurt Alfie, because he'd think you don't care about him...

🐻 And then he'd try to pretend like he didn't care...

🐻 And things would potentially get pretty messy, you both pretending not to care about the situation, both of you trying to ignore the very near future...

🐻 He'd end up going ahead with this meeting or plan and you'd spend the whole time he was away going crazy, biting your nails, pacing and being restless, convincing yourself he's died, driving yourself crazy and drinking to get through the anxiety...

🐻 So that when he returns he finds you a complete mess, sitting on the kitchen floor with a bottle in your hand, you havent slept, you were drunk but you've cried yourself sober and you feel completely broken down

🐻 Alfie would be heart broken to see you looking so forlorn but he'd do his best not to show you that, smiling sympathetically instead, sitting on the stool at the table and leaning down to reach for the bottle in your hand.

🐻 "hmmm yeah right, i see the problem here ziskeit, yeah i see the probpem.. This you're drinking right here, this is Shelby Gin right and although it claims to be "distilled for the eradication of a seemingly incurable sadness" it just don't do what it says on the label yeah... In fact poppet, I'd go as far as to say that it actually makes you feel much much worse..."

🐻 You'd have been in a state of shock when he first came in, not really believing him to be there at all, but maybe at the sound of his voice youd have looked up at him, realised it really was him and instead of looking so sad and broken a little smile would come onto your face and when he smiled, your smile would grow bigger and brighter.

🐻 "Youre not dead," youd smile seeming to forget the misery of your solitude. Alfie would laugh at you a little confused and he'd shake his head. "Last time I checked ziskeit..."

🐻 He'd beckon you up to come and sit with him and hold you snug to his side then he'd want to know why you were so miserable.

🐻 And when you told him about everything he'd not say a word, just hold onto you very very tightly, he'd tuck your head into the crook of his neck and kiss your hair. He would probably hold onto you like that quietly for quite a long time. It would be the cosiest and most comforting of hugs, you'd feel small and snug and so secure held tightly in his big arms as he held onto you for dear life.

🐻 He would probably be a little concerned/upset that you hadn't told him sooner, and he'd want to be careful about understanding you completely.

🐻 But once he did he'd be so reassuring and loving to you hugging you tight in his big arms, he wouldnt shut up about how much he loves you and how its his job to look after you and never ever leave you.

🐻 He would defintely make the promise he knows he can't keep but he'd also tell you he knows he shouldn't make it because he can't really keep it... "now i know its irresponsible to make promises you know you can't necessarily definitely 100% keep however, right now poppet i think its what you need to hear and its what i want to say and i reckon thats as good a reason as any to break my rules yeah? What do you think?"

🐻"now i dont often ask you to torture your old man reminding him that there have been other men in your life but... I what i wanna know right... Is why someone as sweet and lovely as you, could possibly think that someone who loves you very much... Cause i do yeah, i love you very much... Could possibly leave you..."

🐻 "poppet i ain't even gonna leave you when i die right, I'm gonna follow you around everywhere, fucken watchin over you every day for the rest of your life yeah"

🐻 Alfie would take you and everything about your relationship so seriously. He'd do lots of things to remind you of his devotion to you. I kind of feel like acts of service are his love language and like just looking after you and providing for you and spoiling you are how he'd want to show you how he values you.

Arthur

🍂 Arthur definitely has abandonment issues of his own and therefore your relationahip would be intense, perhaps volatile to begin with, before you understand one another completely.

🍂 Once you work out you're both just scared of the same things you'd stop fighting or getting paranoid about one another and you'd come together stronger than ever before.

🍂 You would stick to one another like glue, completely devoted to eachother. Arthur would view you as his saving grace, he'd treasure you and be so protective.

🍂 He'd never want to let you out of his sight. Which would be fine because you wouldn't want to leave his side for even a second.

🍂 He would definitely have his own issues about not abandoning others too so he'd be very reassuring, loyal and determined not to leave you on your own ever, or let you doubt his feelings for you.

🍂 There would be lots of tearful dramatic promises of his love and devotion.

🍂 But it would always be worded like "Its you and me now eh sweetheart, we're gonna be alright, we're gonna look after eachother, we're never gonna leave one another alone, yeah you and me right..."

🍂 Holding your hand super tight out in public. Always having you tucked under his arm

🍂 Coming home drunk and dropping to his knees to confess his undying love for you, as if its the first time he's confessing his undying love for you

🍂 I can't state enough how dramatic and intense this relationship would be. You'd both need one another so hard, but as a result youd both always feel needed. You'd know your worth 100%

🍂 But if you did argue they'd be volatile and you'd both really hurt one another, because you'd both be so scared that the other was going to leave, that fear would make you clumsy emotional and youd both say stuff you dont really mean

🍂 You'd both do lots of crying i guess, but when you do make up again it would be just as passionate as the argument.

🍂 The make up sex would be intense ya know?

🍂 I feel like he'd need lots of eye contact, not just in sex but like just in day to day life, youd constantly be looking at one another only to find the other looking back, so your day would be scattered with these sweet moments of quiet connection, both of you blushing or smiling because youve been caught watching your lover.

🍂 Arthur is actually very good at talking about his feelings, hes just never been given the chance to before. Even tommy shuts down those conversations, so Arthur would be scared to tell you how he feels at first... Once he knows he can though he will always be honest about his feelings and you'll know you can talk to him about anything. The two of you would share all your deepest darkest emotions, trusting in eachother completely. You would be eachothers rock.

🍂 You would obviously eventually have been honest with him about your childhood and your past relationships and whatever it is that's left you with all these issues and fears... And whether its a boyfriend, a father a mother whatever.. Arthurs going to hold grudges against anyone who has ever hurt you

🍂 If it was an ex or a father, he can't promise they'll live much longer...

John

🌼 John wouldnt notice at first, its not as of hes completely emotionally immature, because hes very mature when you need him to be, its just that generally speaking hes still very boyish...

🌼 So your fears go unnoticed by him to begin with. Over time however he does notice the way you hold onto him for a moment longer than is natural, how sometimes you get teary eyed just saying goodbye to him in the morning when he's off to work

🌼 And its impossible not to notice how upset you get when he's a little late home in the evenings... You really struggle when he doesn't come home on time... Your mind starts wandering to all those terrible possibilities... That something could have happened to him when he was out with the lads...he could be injured, lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life... Already dead, abandoned in an alley bleeding out.

🌼 The relief which washes over you when he comes through the front door leaves you shaking and when he pulls you in for a quick kiss he sees the light catch the tears in your eyes...

🌼 "Whats the matter love has something happened?" when he asks you you try to be brave, shake your head and lie, tell him youve just got dust in your eyes as you turn away from him and busy yourself with dinner

🌼 But john doesnt really know how to leave something alone and he'll keep pressing you on it, especially when you say "really john its nothing, just being daft.."

🌼 Hed get all serious then, cupping your cheek in his hand, turning your gaze back towards him. "Nah flower, dafts not like you... Youre not daft.. Talk to me love, whats wrong?"

🌼 "Its nothing really i just... When youre late home like that and i dont know where you are i get worried dont i, you know me mimd starts wandering and i get to thinkiny somet awfuls happened to you... That maybe youre not coming home at all and then i stsrt thinking about how i dont really think i could handle that like, if you didn't come home one day..." youd tell him all about how scared you are of him leaving you alone in this world, that you kind of feel doomed in a way, because everyone youve ever known has left you one way or another and youre so scared that one way or another he's going to end up leaving you too...

🌼 And John would listen to you, quietly, thoughtfully, his brows knitting together because he's concentrating and taking you so seriously.

🌼 He would be so soft with you, holdong your face in his hands, looking you deep in the eyes.

🌼 Like Alfie, super soft, makes you promises he knows he might not be able to keep but can't stabd to see you sad.

🌼 Kind of wants to be around you all the time

🌼 Takes being your man very seriously and will try very hard not to give you reasons to doubt him.

🌼 Imagine him taking your face in his hands, his eyes locked with yours as he tells you "you're the most important person to me in this whole world and I'm not going anywhere, I'm never leaving you flower, not for anything..."

🌼 He knows he shouldnt make promises he doesn't know whether he can keep, but he supposes he'll just have to do his best to keep them.

🌼 Which means being less reckless and more thoughtful, he'd mature a little bit, wouldn't needlessly put himself at risk.

🌼 He would be curious to know what happened to you to leave you with your fears but he wouldn't push you to talk about it. He doesnt like to be reminded that you were ever anyones but his, not just because youre his girl, but because he gets frustrated that there were times in your life when you needed him and he wasn't there because you hadnt met yet.

🌼 So to make up for that he just tries to be there for you as best he can now, as your protector, always reassuring you hes there to look after you and love you whenever you need him.

Bonnie

🍀 The softest most gentle boy in the world. He'd be upset by what you were telling him. It would be a lot to take in and he'd be blaming himself for your fears thinking it was something he'd done to make you feel that way

🍀Wordlessly wrapping his arms around you, pulling your whole body into his lap, tight against his chest, squeezing you reassuringly and lovingly, his face buried in the crook of your shoulder.

🍀 He'd nuzzle into you and the two of you would be quiet, you sniffling into his chest trying to stop yourself from crying. Him unable to cry but feeling like he wants to.

🍀 He'd probably apologise to you which would confuse you...

"I'm sorry little dove,"

"What? Why are you sorry Bon its not..."

"Well i obviously haven't been there for you enough lately if you're getting scared like this... M'sorry if i havent been doing enough to y'know... Show you how much i love you..."

🍀 You'd be so shocked by his words you wouldn't know what to say but you'd kiss him softly and try to explain it isn't really his fault at all, but he probably wouldn't accept that there wasnt anything he could have done... Because he thinks he should have been there for you more, told you he loves you more ect...

🍀He would kiss your forehead and then rest his against yours, promising you the whole world, telling you how much he adores you, how everything he does is for you, how he wouldn't want to live if he lost you

🍀It would be intense but ever so sweet, him playing with your fingers whilst he spoke, lying back and bringing you down with him, letting you calm resting against his chest.

🍀He's so devotional, he is always telling you he's yours and youre his girl, starts saying "my little dove" instead of just little dove

🍀 Makes a point of being just a little more possesive around the fire in the evening when other lads try to flirt with you he'll proudly tell the whole world youre his. He'd want to have you near him at all times and probably stick to you like glue. Always holding your hand or putting his arm around you.

🍀 He would talk to you about your feelings even if its not the easiest thing in the world, he'd lie awake with you at night, playing with your hair and listening to you as you told him what had happened to you in your past, why you're so scared of being abandoned...

🍀 He'll take you seriously... Obviously.. But to hide any difficult feelings stirred inside him at hearing how youve been hurt, he'll make a joke about beating whoever hurt you up, "yeah you just tell em to meet me in the ring my little dove, teach em a lesson they wont forget..."

Issiah

🐀Is a charmer and a flirt and although he is completely committed to you, his girl, he will struggle not to flirt with the odd girl in a bar or smile and wink at someone he catches checking him out

🐀And you dont want to be annoyed at him for it because you dont want him to think youre one of those crazy, uncool, possesive girls

🐀But youre just scared he might actually get bored of you one day and just decide on a whim to abandon you right there in the middle of the garrison in exchange for one of those prettier girls

🐀You would end up arguing about it, you making petty bitchy remarks until he snaps at you, and honestly the second he does youd burst into tears unable to hide your real feelings.

🐀"Please don't leave!" the words would come out before you could stop them and youd feel completely pathetic and worthless, but he'd just look at you with a frown on his face, no longer angry just confused and... Concerned.

🐀"Why the fuck would you say that?" he'd ask slowly, he knows the answer but he doesn't really believe it... Surely you don't actually believe he'd abandon you?

🐀He'd do a lot of realising very very quickly, frowning deeper when he realises that yes, that is in fact exactly what you think.

🐀You wouldn't be able to stop your crying, you'd be so upset and half expecting him to walk out there and then.

🐀"If you're gonna go then fucking do it already Isaiah stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" "Like you fucking hate me!"

🐀After that he wouldn't exactly know what to do with himself, sure he's good at charming girls, but he doesn't really know how to get them to stop crying... Or to believe him when he says i love you. Usually they just do.

🐀He'd take your hands kind of hesitantly, not shy but just uncertain, he doesnt want to fuck this up and make it even worse

🐀And then he'd give your hands a squeeze and probably just try to speak from the heart.

🐀"I don't hate you mousy, i dont know why you think that but i dont, i couldnt possibly hate you and I'm definitely not gonna fuckin leave you..."

🐀You wouldn't know whether to believe him at first, looking up at him from under watery eyelashes, sniffling and blushing slightly.

🐀"Ever?" youd ask and he'd smirk down at you affectionately, "Ever." he'd confirm kissing your nose and stroking your hair.

🐀He'd ask you why you thought he would want to leave you, but he can't really say he's surprised. "You know none of that flirting means anything, its just part of the deal aint it... Being one of birminghams most charming criminals..." he'd joke to try and reassure you but when he sees it isnt working he'd be serious again. "I love you and only you and you know I'd die for you so i dont see why youre so scared I'm gonna walk out on us..."

🐀"Dying is a sort of leaving too ain't it Isaiah..."

🐀He really wouldn't know how to reassure you then, he'd chuckle nervously.. "Love you do realise who i am right? What i am..." "You know what I'm involved in... With the Peakys..."

🐀"Even so..."

🐀I don't think he'd promise you he wasn't going to die, i think he'd just try to make sure you knew he wouldn't leave you of his own choice. He wouldn't want to make a promise you'd live to regret.

Michael

☘️ Doesn't understand at first. And i do think you would have quite an intense argument about it. Not loud and shouting at one another but quiet and guarded and trying to be polite

☘️ Because Michael views himself as a gentleman and would be offended that you'd think he would ever cheat on you or abandon you because that would be improper and he views himself as above that

☘️ "is that really how little you think of me? Is that really how poorly you think i view you? You think i have such little respect for my girl that I'd just up and leave her?" his voice would be tight and sharp and he wouldn't be looking at you. He'd be wounded and taking it very personally

☘️"Thats...thats not what i meant its not like that at all..." youd be struggling to get your words out or explain what you really meant, "i just..." he wouldn't be listening to you, instead hed be getting more wound up by the second thinking in stupid circles, worrying that you were going to leave him.

☘️ "Then what is it like y/n cause right now it sounds like youre accusing me of something i havent even thought about doing... Sounds to me like youre the one looking for reasons to leave..."

☘️ Tears streaming down your face as you stare back at him in shock, you're panicking, you can hardly breath

☘️ But michaels just being cruel now, saying it to test you, he's watching you crumble and taking reassurance from it, its evidence enough that you love him, that you don't want to leave him, your fear is genuine.

☘️ "Tell me y/n if youre so scared I'll leave you why don't you do yourself a favour and leave first eh? Save yourself all that heartache?"

☘️ "You... You don't really mean that michael i know you don't..." "Yeah?" michael is a bastard, he likes how much you need him and he wants you to be dependent/scared to lose him.

☘️ So then he'd soften, he'd come close to you, hands on your hips, holding you in his palms as he strokes his thumbs over your hips. "Listen Y/n whoever else you've known before, anyone whose let you down in the past... They're in the past. You're mine now remember? And I'm a good man y/n i really am, I treat you right, i treat you like a princess don't i? Even if i do bad things to other people right, even if I'm one of the worst men in new york city... I'm your man and thats never going to change... So youd better get used to that"

☘️All of this being said, michael knows how to make you feel loved, how to reassure you. Perhaps he didn't realise before how much reassurance you needed, but now that he understands this he is nothing but kind and sweet and good to you. He always was of course but now he makes an extra effort.

☘️He makes a point of telling you he needs you, or telling you he needs to see you. He'll call you into his office telling you its important, then, when you arrive all flustered and concerned, he'll just smile and say he needed to see his girl.

☘️ He'll always have a hand on you somewhere, your thigh under the table, your hand, his arm around your waist. He becomes physically even more possesive in an attempt to show you he isn't going anywhere.

☘️ He will make the promise he can't keep because he is arrogant and truly believes he can promise he's never going to get killed.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

If the Sky Comes Falling Down (For You)

First posted: January 25, 2019

Focuses on: Jason Todd and his various siblings

Favorite bookmark: "A variety of permutations and flavors of Robin h/c featuring Jason! The Baskin Robins of BatFam h/c, if you will."

Second favorite bookmark: "and so, step by step, the prodigal stray coaxes himself home."

Tier: #3 in hits & kudos & subscriptions, #4 in comment threads, #2 in bookmarks

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Individual chapter notations below the cuts.

Chapter One

First, to note, the title came last and is from "Hey Brother" by Avicii because it was already on my BatFam playlist and gave me strong sibling feels, so it worked!

Okay if I remember correctly, this fic came about because 1) I had jotted down story ideas, all surrounding Jason, that were all just a bit too similar for me to feel comfortable doing them as one-offs, and 2) it was late 2018 when I start writing so I was deep in 5+1 IronDad fics.

This fic was so deeply indulgent from start to finish, which I think might be why people liked it so much? Like, if you're into the tropes into this fic, you're really into them. It scratches the itch just right, because it's my itch and I wrote it for me.

The plan was to do like I did for my other multi-chapter fics (except Nature and Nurture, RIP me) and write it all out before posting anything, so I could be sure that I would actually finish. I don't have that kind of self-restraint anymore. But it was a fun challenge to figure out what should happen to whom and in what order.

Jason didn’t sleep much anymore. He’d always been a rough sleeper, his years spent in low-security public housing and then on the street grinding away at his ability to rest with ease. He slept lightly, his consciousness skimming just below the surface, ready to spring awake at the softest noise.

As I've said before, sometimes I have an idea for a fic but then, when trying to start it, a sentence pops up immediately as my opener. That's always a wild ride because sometimes it seems to have nothing at all to do with where I want to go, so then I have to backtrack and figure out but why tho????

Moving to the Manor had helped some, after he’d assured himself that no one was going to scratch at his door or steal his shoes. The cold mornings had been the best, spent curled under a mound of the softest blankets imaginable atop a mattress so perfectly contoured to his bones that it’d felt like floating on the surface of a pool. He’d slept, truly slept, at the Manor.

I like the idea of, even at Jason's most toxic and vitriolic, the Manor itself still representing safety and comfort. Maybe sometimes he would twist it into stifling or grossly indulgent, but I think deep in his stomach he would know that distortion was a lie. The Manor was safer than anywhere else, even with his mom.

Those days of rest were long gone. The Pit had done a number on his brain—intensifying and altering his emotions, erasing some old habits and dialing up others, leaving dark chasms where memories should be.

I've seen other fics play with the idea of the trauma of Jason's injuries, death, resurrection, and the Pit all combining to some degree or another to swiss-cheese his brain (a phrase I lovingly borrow from Quantum Leap.) And that of course leaves a bunch of really fun room to play with—how much does Jason know he's missing vs. how much is gone or totally distorted without him even being aware? (Again, another thing I tease out in various fics like N&N.)

It was like someone had jammed a stick in his skull and given his brain a good stir. Or maybe that was just the crowbar. Ha.

I made myself snicker with that one. It's so voiceily Jason but also that ha is so guttural and specific in my head, you all will never know.

He was making progress with his budding criminal empire—splashy progress, as displayed on the crusting cuffs of his sleeves and the splattered toes of his boots, but also more subtle progress, too. The subtle form was harder, so much harder, but he knew its changes would be more permanent, in the long run. Splashy got people talking. Subtle got them bowing.

Jason! Todd! Is! No! Thug! He is smart and cunning and uses violence to make an impact and that's that on that.

And though he’d heard her speak before in the careful neutral of the middle-class, the sounds being beat out of her now were Crime Alley crooked.

I like the idea of Steph and Jason growing up in the same neighborhood. It's not a hill I'd die on, but it makes for some interesting fic.

The girl put up a good fight. She was rough, no finesse, no real training. All knuckles and elbows and feet and knees. He spotted some of the Bat basics pop up in the way she ducked and spun, but she wasn’t lithe like Nightwing or crafty like the Replacement. She was a brawler. And she was losing.

She is who he might have been, without Bruce and Alfred and Dick. A decent fighter, stubborn, willing to brawl it out, but ultimately destined to lose.

It sucked in an abstract way, the way it sucked that someone was going hungry halfway around the world, the way it sucked when a stranger missed his bus. It sucked, but it wasn’t Jason’s problem, and he couldn’t really bring himself to care. B needed to learn to pick up his toys.

Starting with Steph made the most sense to me. She wasn't (and isn't) a member I know super well, with so much of her canon backstory being things I have no interest in, and she's part of the Family but in that awkward "we're maybe siblings but also I have a mom and also I dated one of you too??" ways, so she's got a little bit of distance, for me as a writer and also Jason. She doesn't have the emotional heat of the others. He doesn't hate her, just what she represents. He also doesn't care what happens to her, except—

The knife glinted in the amber streetlight and cast a shadow across the yellow emblem on her chest.

She's not Batman. She's not a Robin. She's Batgirl. And that's a different thing entirely.

Jason knew what they saw when they looked at him. He was big now, broad-shouldered and massive in a way he had only ever dreamed of being as a scrawny, malnourished street kid. His helmet was blood-red and gleaming, its angles sculpted to subtly suggest a skull. And his clothes were still stained with actual blood. He was an Alley myth, a nightmare with more bite than the Bat, because he wasn’t afraid to do real damage. He was death.

Jason Peter Todd is scary smart, and he knows how to make the exact impact he wants.

“I don’t know you, but I know your colors. You’re Ibanescu’s boys.”

I had to google Gotham crime families. I know literally nothing other than the name.

It was one thing to let her get the snot beat out of her. And even if someone else had taken a shot at her, he wouldn’t have minded. But he couldn’t. Not in that suit.

:3

“It’s not about you,” Jason repeated, his voice gravelly and rough. He pointed toward the yellow symbol on her chest, the symbol that, in the world he’d left, the world he remembered, belonged to someone else. “I owe her a debt. And now it’s paid.” Jason was a murderer. A thief. A criminal. A drug lord. He had no illusions as to his own goodness anymore, no hope for redemption or grace. But he had his values, the few precious things that he would not allow. One of those, it seemed, was watch a man restrain and stab a Batgirl while he did nothing.

Someday I'll write more about that. The partner and friend and maybe mentor who was still reeling from trauma and hadn't yet found her way when Jason was snuffed out of existence.

Jason was tired, but the night was just beginning.

So that's where it starts. Jason tired, literally caked with dried blood, stepping in not because of love or hate or curiosity or concern but because he felt he owed a debt to someone else and that debt instead landed on the person in front of him.

[anxious-lee]

|| Quasimodo Tickle Headcanons ||

A/N: didn't actually think anyone would want these but @shyleereading , this one's for you 😤🫶❤️

--------

- 100% lee

- mans does not have the confidence to tickle anyone

- doesn't think much about tickling until Esmerelda comes into his life

- she's always finding new ways to bring out Quasi's spirit and joy for life, this being one of them

- not the fastest at picking up when someone's about to tickle him, but when he does, he'll start backing away, stammering and babbling about the chores that need doing and how he should really go see to them

- VERY VERY ticklish

- as strong as he is, he's got no chance of saving himself from dastardly fingers

- not that he wants to anyway

- secretly loves being tickled

- he wasn't shown any physical affection throughout his life, so tickling, as Esmerelda has shown him, is a fun and kind way to show your love and care for someone

- but again, is very shy about it, so don't expect him to admit it

- most ticklish spots are his ribs and underarms (he SQUEALS)

- his laugh 😭 is 😭 so 😭 pure 😭

- everyone who knows him thinks so

- it's light and high and giggly and agghh 🫠

- THE SNORTS 💘💘💘

- despite what people say, he can't unhear the cruel voice in his head telling him he is ugly and unlovable, and unfortunately that includes a hatred of his own laugh

- when the tickling starts, he'll try to cover his laugh with his hands purely out of instinct, but that never lasts long. eventually the sensation is too much to bear and he has to draw his hands away to protect his spots

- gets the urge to grab the ler's wrists, but he is terrified of his own strength and doesn't want to risk hurting you, so his hands either are shielding tickle spots or hiding his burning red face

- oh you KNOW he's a blusher

- teases work splendidly on him, specifically the compliments (ex: "your laugh is so adorable!" "you're so cute when you blush" etc) *quasi.exe has stopped working*

- can say the t-word just fine normally, but if asked to admit that he's ticklish, his throat goes dry

- when it's Emerelda tickling him, you know damn well she won't let any self-deprecating talk fly. what usually happens is she calls him cute, he denies it, and she (offendedly) tickles him harder until he reluctantly gives in to her

- can easily get overwhelmed with tickles if it's too intense tho, so no restraints ✔️, light pinning ✔️, only one spot at a time ✔️, nothing too crazy

- while Phoebus and Quasi had a rocky start to their relationship at first, they are great friends now, and Phoebus will help Esmerelda wreck him when he gets an opportunity

- what really flusters Quasimodo too is when Esmerelda and Phoebus are holding a conversation AS they're tickling him senseless, as if he's not even there

- when things ACCIDENTALLY tickle him, he'll try his damn hardest to make it appear like nothings wrong. 1) he's embarrassed and 2) he doesn't want to make the situation awkward, since they aren't TRYING to tickle him

- little does he know, he's a terrible liar, and it's amusing watching him to try to behave normally

- does little leg kicks into the floor to keep from hitting the ler but CHRIST does it tickle

- hugging his waist also helps, sort of

- nothing makes Quasi's friends happier than seeing him smiling and happy ❤️

---------

That about does it 👏! Quasimodo is my boi and I wish sincerely that he had more tickle content. This'll have to do

[kulemii]

my fucking god today was horrible. i don't necessarily think he was a bad guy aside from the misogynistic takes. he was just too much to deal with for. 10 hours. way too fucking much. he doesn't believe in silence. he felt like he needed to talk the entire time. he would beat the same one topic into the ground for 30 minutes, even if i would go quiet, signaling my disinterest in continuing the conversation. he kept trying to pressure me into talking politics with him even tho i explicitly told him that I didn't discuss politics at work. and then,

when we slightly veered into a certain topic, he proved precisely why i dont by misrepresenting what i was saying and wouldn't drop it even when i tried to shut down the conversation. he kept questioning me for not laughing at his jokes that i obviously didn't find funny- i was doing more than enough from my part by giving him a polite smile and when he did get a little bit of a chuckle out of me he would beat the joke like a dead horse. i swear i dont think he's a bad guy but he's ridiculously annoying. he would NOT allow me moments of silence. he would almost demand responses from me everytime he spoke. and then whenever i would go silent he would pretty much guilt me by saying that it was better having a codriver that he could talk to because otherwise he gets sleepy and would pull over and take naps throughout the route which would clearly prolong the day and just UGH. i could barely make posts because he required so much of my attention. everytime I'd grab my phone he'd be talking which was constantly and he'd go "you're not even paying attention." which made me feel bad until toward the end of the route when i got super agitated from the heat and being hungry because he was barely making stops so i started ignoring him. i had to annoy him about stopping just so that i could use the bathroom- cue an hour long rant about how using the bathroom is natural and he has no problem stopping for people to use the bathroom when uhhhh hello???? you made me wait hours before we stopped anywhere because of the schedules???? and when we did stop it was because YOU were thirsty! my god, i thought the old dude annoying me about my ex was bad but at least he gave me a break this was CONSTANT For 10 fucking hours straight! i wanted to just scream WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR 5 MINUTES?!?!? at one point. oh and apparently someone told him that he's the funniest guy at the station and he made that my problem???? he was trying to make me laugh which is not a problem but if you see that your jokes don't work on me after a few tries, GIVE IT UP! he wouldn't fucking let it go and after a while I stopped giving him polite smile even because i felt like that would be enough of a deterrent. it's not my job to coddle your fucking ego anyway. not once did i think he was funny. he said some stuff that made me chuckle because it was like "did he really just?" and that's IT- God! I'm so FUCKING IRRITATED- I could've bitten him by the end of the route if didn't have this much self restraint. OH and he tried to make me join in on the following debate with him "abortion is worse than slavery" SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. and he wouldn't drop it I SHIT YOU NOT- FOR 19 FUCKING MINUTES I COUNTED. i never and i mean NEVER want to fucking ride with him again. it was a nightmare.

[tapioca-puddingg]

The Riku vs Terra Discussion

Hey y'all. So as you can see, I didn't choose violence today.

I've already spoken about this in my Terra video, but I'll reiterate my talking points here bc it's quicker to consume than a video.

So because Riku and Terra have similar story arcs related to darkness, a lot of us are naturally inclined to compare their stories and their behavior. However, I feel like some folks compare them with the added context of Riku’s redemption arc as ammunition against Terra. It’s comparing the life of someone who’s struggling to someone who has already succeeded, so that wouldn't be fair. So if we’re gonna play the comparison game, it’s only fair to start by isolating Riku’s behavior in KH1 and Terra’s in BBS since that's where these two made their starts.

This isn't me trying to say that one is better than the other. They both come from different lives, have different insecurities, and have different personalities. They are both flawed in their own ways. This is just a compare and contrast type of thing.

Riku was far more problematic at the start of his journey.

He actively antagonized Sora and co., worked with Maleficent (albeit it was to try to find a way to save Kairi, but still), was manipulated by Maleficent, was later possessed by Ansem, and attacked Sora while he was possessed.

Not to mention that he was selfish. He was totally fine with never returning home or seeing their parents again. Zexion calls him out on this in Re:CoM; that he was the reason why Destiny Islands fell to darkness.

I guess to give him the benefit of the doubt, the situation was more dire, as one of his best friend's heart was missing, and he was willing to do anything to help her.

Terra showed a lot more self-awareness and restraint. He was trying to do what Master Eraqus told him to do while simultaneously trying to figure out how to control his darkness. However, the desperation combined with his own insecurities made him vulnerable to being tricked by villains, like Hades.

Sadly tho, I don't think that he exercises discernment with some of the villains; Cap'n Hook in particular. And with Xehanort, he doesn't realize that he's been fooled until it's too late (which isn't his fault, Xehanort was playing 5D chess).

Beyond KH1, Riku had a lot of time to self-reflect and come to terms with his darkness, and he also had a good support system in Mickey. Mickey was someone that was genuinely curious, compassionate, and open-minded with him. He was willing to stand by him and support him no matter what. That’s somebody that Terra needed.

This might be a hot take, but Terra didn't have the best support system to be able to deal with his darkness issue. Eraqus was Eraqus-ing and Aqua assumed the worst about him after seeing the aftermath of his actions. Ven still supported him, but I think the distrust from Eraqus and Aqua had way more of an impact on him.

Honing in on Aqua for a moment, she always arrived in the worlds after Terra. From her perspective, it looked like Terra was doing a lot of fuckshit. He did leave the worlds pretty unresolved, so I understand why she was suspicious of him, especially with Terra’s lack of communication. BUT at the same time, she also didn't ask him what really happened. But anyways.

Terra and Riku were both manipulated and possessed at one point. They also both protected their friends from their possessed bodies; Riku protected Sora from himself in Hollow Bastion and Terra tried to protect Aqua from Terranort in the realm of darkness.

Riku is able to succeed where Terra couldn't. Riku was lucky to have Sora when he was possessed, otherwise he might've ended up being possessed for who knows how long. Like I said, he has a year and some change to grow as a person, whereas Terra has that opportunity taken from him.

Currently, Riku already has gone off to rescue Sora. Terra's story arc from this point forward has been undetermined and I have no idea what they plan to do with his character. In terms of the Wayfinder trio, Aqua will be training Kairi (and maybe they'll explore new worlds together?), and Ven might embark on a new journey based on his forgotten memories of the Age of Fairytales. Maybe Terra will help Aqua in training Kairi. Maybe he'll go on his own healing journey. Or maybe he'll eventually retake the Mark of Mastery exam and become a master.

I don't have a conclusion to this, I just like talking about things. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[tits4life]

the bread is back!

Another anon :0! Oh queenie come on, not everyone is toast xD there's only one~

Omg does that mean now I got a roomie >.> hellos there's no furniture here as this is my new home and I'm still shifting in but make yourself comfortable <w<

Bdksjwjs my fic gonna give meaning to your life?? Too much pressure--

My own self restraint stops me from writing smut u.u

no part 2?? Ok I'll be patient

Ok I have my fic drafts thatll go in the next ask, lemme ramble about Manager Kim goo first.

I...

sits down

Pretty..pretty boy.

Hehe honestly I'd also bite goo's built, branded or not, just the fact that he wore it around his waist and had it in his arms--

Local soldier obsessed with fake blonde twink, twink lures soldier with hug just to yeet him out of the window. Makes old man want autograph.

Bruh the moment I saw that hug I was like, WHY AIN'T THAT ME

Please goo, throw me around,,,, not even in a kinky way just pick me up with some excuse dammit-

Also also...GOO THOUGHTS

That had me screaming you know?? WE GET TO HEAR GOO'S THOUGHTS??WE GET TO HEAR GOO'S THOUGHTS!! DAMMIT I ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR GOO'S THOUGHTS!!!!!

Baaah tell me your thoughts more hubby, wanna hear how annoyed he is, or how he views the world,just the way how his mind percieves reality UGH I LOVE IT I WANT MORE

He's so damn hot

I love him sobs

~🍞

oh my uncooked bread, I have been craving for some burned toast for a while now.

I didn't really think there would be someone else, the poissibility that there would be someone else in my inbox anonymously didn't really occur on my mind my brain is dead set that any anonymous message would just be toast for sm reason

have fun with your roommate, although idk if they would even return back ^.^

Life fucking sucks. I hate the fact that I have to interact with human beings to be considered normal and it's draining out my social battery. So yes, yes fics give me life. I need to recharge the fuck up or I will strangle/kick someone to death.

You don't need self restraint. I need self restraint. My hands been twitching alot to beat the shit out of someone, so i have been sleeping alot more lately, 14-16 hrs a day.

manager kim goo😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

the panel where goo pulled his belt out did something to me and the window has never looked so jumpable before. I was GAGGED. PTJ HAD ME GAGGED. The shivers and giggle I let out-

sorry but i am a parasite and i am not leaving him for my dear life. nah ah. nop.

i would probably 100% die if i was there but that's a small price to pay if i get to be on the position. ehehehe🥰 EHEHEHEHEHEHEH👹👹👹-

what kind of question- OFC OFCCCCC YOU SHOULD!!!! DON'T LET THAT OLD AGE RUIN YOUR FANBOY MOMENT OLD MAN!!!!!

SO??? SO WHAT??? IT'S FUCKING KIM JOONGOO INFRONT OF YOU👹👹👹👹👹!!!!! WHY THE FUCK DID HIS BRAIN CELLS GET REDUCED ALONG WITH HIS HAIRLINE? IOUGKVBWSIGUSVIGLS

but damn that bald spot be shiny af tho

we need more Goo thonks!!! MOREEE!!!!!! I WANT TO HEAR/READ EVERY SINGLE THING HE THINKS OF!!!! PLEASE TALK MORE!!

ahjussi a real one tho. Who doesn't want Goo to be on their side????

Goo is so damn adorable, it makes me tear up. The way I would like to unhinge my jaw and swallow him as a whole piece is unreal.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

The ones I like most or are most invested in are:

1. Just take it (I’ve read this an embarrassing amount of times)

2. art of etiquette (I just can’t wait for the smut at this point, they’ve been dancing the tango for so long 😂)

3. still with you (I get the feeling JK is gonna find out in the worst way about the Jimin sleepover and damn I can’t wait for the stalker reveal or how much worse it’s gonna escalate! Can you tell I’m getting more invested in this one?)

4. he doesn’t deserve you. (I hate taehyung in this one, he’s evil!-no hate though I love your writing!)

I honestly should circle back to your master list and give falling and semantic error a shot. I’ll probably read seven days to fall again once it’s finished since you only have one more chapter)

I think I found your blog because of do it for him and that story is really unique and so good but damn JK is a terrible human being in that one 😂

Happy early birthday and hope you have fun in TX. I would give you recommendations but that’s the one part of Texas I haven’t been to lol

🧜‍♀️

Oh my gosh I love this

I love that you reread my stories that so wild to me! Thank you for doing that 🥺

Yeah that one is the definition of a slow burn but like they clearly like each other but his position as her teacher is really holding them back but their self restraint is slowly diasapting

I'm so glad you're getting more invested cuz yeah let's just say it's gonna be a bumpy ride for sure.

It's okay babes he's there to be the villain so you can hate on him as much as you'd like 😂 (I love Tae irl tho like he's my little bean 🥺 meanwhile TYPE 1 🫠)

I mean yeah if you'd like to you definetly can! I'd love to hear what you think about those two as well!

Semantic Error is inspired by the bl kdrama/manhwa 'Semantic Error' but I changed it so oc is a female and both of the people who are going after her are guys (Jungkook and Jimin...again lmao) I read it and I really liked the dichotomy of the personalties of the two main characters so yeah I'm excited to get back to that one at some point lol

Falling is one that was supposed to be a one shot but then I started building more of a plot around it after I posted it. I just loved the idea of an Angel Jungkook becoming a Fallen Angel but is still in love with Guardian Angel oc. I love it but ngl I almost feel like I want to rewrite it. I don't know though we'll see but I'm going to continue the story either way.

Seven Days to Fall Again has two more chapters left but yeah I don't blame you if you wanna wait so you can read everything all together haha.

Haha oh gosh yeah I think a lot of my followers found me because of Do it for Him and I'm super grateful to the person that requested it because yeah it really was unique and I really liked experimenting with that kind of plot line.

Tbh Do it for Him really didn't get too much attention until like a month or two after I posted it. Like it just blew up over night which was absolutely insane!

I got so many asks (as you can see from the masterlist lol) and it was so freaking cool! I owe that story a lot since I feel like it really brought me a great audience and I'm so thankful to everyone who has supported me even after reading Do it for Him.

Jungkook is a horrible person in that fic but I'm happy I was able to do that since he's supposed to be a yandere character but the part that scares me is that people wanted/thought they were gonna end up together.

I'm like wtf no way he's a psycho and she despises him! Why would she want to stay with him? But yeah I'm still glad that people loved him despite all of his madness 😂

Thank you love 💜 it's on the 14th so I've got a little while left to enjoy being quarter of a century lmao. I still can't believe I'm that old lmao I still feel like I'm 22 or something 🫠

Ahh I'm so excited like I spent a good part of the night planning and it's gonna be so fun!!! And no worries love! It's the thought that counts haha

Love you sm 🧜‍♀️ and I hope you enjoy my other stories as well if you end up checking them out haha

[n41r]

A sudden afternoon thought hit me yesterday and just sticks with me after reading two small comics that gives me a bit of context of things, it's just a silly theory of mine that went on in circles and long descriptions. What if with whatever happened to Raisiya in new Chapter 7 brings in Star Warrior Light (at least from what I can understand by hearing his dialogue on JP gameplays) then prompts the time dragon and the purple cloaked prophet to intervine from making a different outcome, like essentially making an endless time loop with small variety of outcomes of different interactions and probably more? This got to me when I was listening to three different Raisiya's themes. The first goes on at a normal pace with intrumentals, most likely wind instruments yet continues on with different volunes without letting down the tempo. The seocnd goes on a bit slower but the wind instruments is changed to chorus, probably with the purple eye in his design. The third one felt like there's no more restraint left on the melody, going all in with adrenaline and full on rock. It's like as if he's urging for an outcome to happen and there's no more holding back the strongest abilities either side has to be, probably with how Light has a dialogue with him when facing against Raisiya. Then whatever Light wanted to accomplish in Raisiya's stead prompted both the time dragon and the purple cloaked prophet to intervine and prevent the future from changing... at least I think? Yep, I'm still drawing blanks on many things about Oreca lore so it's entirely my guess with many nudges from watching and reading JP contents.

As for my ask on this, are there any other interpertations of the players aka as Battlers/Master/Summoner in Oreca Battle? I like what you came up with and I still hadn't realized that until now, with how there's some fusions are limited as far as I know of. Hope it's okay and sorry for the long ramble there! Also is it okay if I reblog some of your posts?

Sorry the answer took awhile! I rarely touch the lore on the New Chapter series, so I needed time to read up some stuff from the wiki first and opening my twitter's bookmark for the other answer-

I read up on the JP fanwiki that the reason why Light appeared was because of Raisiya (thought it's unclear to me what the reason was-), it probably have something to do with what Raisiya knew about the future? There was also some mention about wanting to change the future, and that reason might be the reason why the time dragons and the Prophet Sybil shows up as well

An interesting take, tho! Thank you for sharing the bits of lore that you found out!

Oreca Battle OSTs, huh? I rarely touch them as well actually, I kind of afraid I will get too emotional listening to them- There is this one time I cried listening to Dia's theme song, I'm still unsure why I cried tbh-

And to answer your questions, I'm not really sure why, but I rarely see mention or interpretation of human battler at the JP community One of my interpretation was actually inspired by my mutual's tweets, but it looks like I didn't bookmark the very tweet that inspires me- But here are some tweets from my mutual from twitter, nefer_ty that also inspires me (I hope Nefer-san is okay with me sharing some of their tweets outside of twitter-) (1) (2) (3)

There is also this one cool Oreca Battle artist who makes some fancomic of their original Oreca Battlers, and they are amazing! I don't know if it counts as the kind of interpretation you're looking for, but I'm including their Pixiv link as well (x)

Also, please feel free to reblog my posts! I'm only keeping my self-insert stuff as un-reblog-able, but the other posts should be okay In fact, I'll be elated if you reblogged them, so please feel free to do so! ヾ(｡･ω･)ﾉ☆ﾟ

[poisonouswritings]

Any felix crumbs? SFW, NSFW, whatever you prefer, i'm about to climb on the walls i miss him so much

Can't believe we started this hiatus with another Felix death I miss him so much QnQ

SFW here, NSFW under the cut, I have Felix things in my drafts!! I'll get to them eventually!!! I am so bad at keeping a steady work pace!!!!!

Someone said that Felix's accent is close to a British accent and I'm gonna agree! I'm thinking a royal accent for him. Also I just think him using British idioms would be funny so

He likes butterflies and moths! Taxidermies them! Usually after Stella hunts them down

He reads out loud sometimes,, does voices for the different characters,,,, nerd

Likes operas and musicals! Tried to bring Anisa and Sage once and long story short they both got banned from the concessions.

Hums while he works/studies.

Imagine like,, his old school asks him to come in to give like,, an alumni speech,,,, Escell probably makes him go,,,,,,,,,, does not help with his self-esteem that ask these people he graduated with when on to be important and powerful mages and he's just,, like,,, over here. His advice for the students basically boils down to 'be gay and do crimes'

Honestly I think that's just his life motto in general

Totally uses magic to get out of chores. Real Sorcerer Mickey-esque shit. That time Sage got stabbed with an enchanted broom? That was all Felix.

Actually I don't remember what the canon response Sage gave to that was so maybe it was canonically Felix???

Maybe it's because I'm listening to Pinball Wizard but,, idk I'm not saying he'd be good at pinball but I am saying he'd enjoy it

Stella catches mice and gives them to Felix,, Felix feeds them to random owls that show up at his window (who are attracted by his magic),,,,,, he just has owl friends now. Names them all. At least one is named Bernard

He would totally listen to Harry Styles

Is always cold,, walks between Sage and Anisa because they're warm

He and Tulsi have a Short Alliance. Aka a any time Sage bullies one of them for being short the other has to roast him for something.

Used to make his family mud pies and would cry if they didn't eat them. Escell and Scylla wisely just pretended to eat them. Florian ingested so much dirt,,,,,

Does he use an eye mask when he sleeps?I'm gonna say yes. A silk one.

Okay so he cast a translation spell on us at one point so,, like,,, cast a translation spell on Sage and Anisa to make it so they couldn't understand each other. No real reason why. He just likes tormenting them. Good for you babe.

Silk underwear? Silk restraints? Yes

Giggles a lot when he feels good, especially when cumming. He tries to muffle it but,, does not do a convincing job of that

Would read 50 Shades but mostly to laugh at it

Monster fucker monster fucker monster fucker!!! If Rime was corrupted Felix was 10/10 fuck him

Felix,, has,,, helped Rime on his heat before,,,,,, he talks about it like he's a veteran describing a battle, with the thousand-yard stare and everything, but really he uh,,, yeah it was a good experience for him

Probably has a higher libido than anyone gives him credit for!!

Not the best at dirty talk. Sorry. Very good at praise tho

Obviously he's a brat. Even as a dom he still managed to be bratty. That's just Him In General.

Always cleans up after sex because he doesn't like feeling sticky.

[yostresswritinggirl]

Researching...

ZETA

You need to see this first then this

The alchemist had been trying all remedies to shake off the stress and fatigue in his system and they all seemed to fail, no amount of sketching or discoveries can pull him away from it. So when you offered a solution he hasn’t heard, he’d jump at it immediately. “You know, some people say having intercourse with someone is a good stress-reliever.” “Intercourse? If it’s true, then please, I wish to have intercourse with you.” “Wha- wait Albedo, do you not know what that is? It’s only done between lovers!” “Convenient, I love you, anything else?”

Pairing -> Albedo x Female Reader

Word Count -> 2944

Themes -> Smut, PwP, PwF, Woohoo, the "thing", the "do"

Series -> #Bonafide Specials (100 followers event)

Warnings -> NSFW CONTENT, DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE UNDERAGED! (this is awkward because you two have no experience, jsyk)

(Z,E)-9,12-tetradecadienyl acetate (TDA, also known as ZETA) are usually emitted by females to attract males for mating. Sex pheromones are defined as odors, produced by either males or females that stimulate one or more behavioral reactions in the opposite sex, bringing the males and females together for the purpose of mating.

The foldered papers at the mahogany desk met with a soft plop at its weight, and you noticed the Alchemist suddenly straighten his back from his spaced out daze on the noise, whipping his head towards where you stand. Albedo's teal eyes were wide from the sudden intrusion, but his eyelids drooped over them once again upon the realization that it was just you who entered as it loses its light once more. This worried you.

The Chief Alchemist of the Knights of Favonius has been in a dilemma recently. And all of Mond knows of this.

Albedo naturally holds himself in a regal and composed aura that draws people to him in admiration and trance. But this Albedo lacks such gait, with shoulders tense and eyebrows furrowed, steps heavy and head hanging low.

He has hit a wall in his never-ending research. And the effect was obvious on him.

Days he'd be cooped up in his laboratory staring at nothing, glaring at his setup. Days he'd be gone beyond the walls with his easel and sketchbook, only to return with unfinished artworks meant to be forgotten. Sucrose had tried placing experiments that are easy to handle and give him at least a sense of self-confidence for solving, but even that cannot pull his mind away from his obstacle.

"You know," leaning on the table with arms crossed, you watched the Kreideprinz drag his foot to where you were, aiming to check on the folder that you just submitted, "Some people say having intercourse with someone is a good stress-reliever." Such words smoothly flowed out of your mouth despite the masked embarrassment you expertly hid through a haughty smirk.

That someone was Kaeya, and that Kaeya threw out that same comment next to you when you two saw Albedo walk through the headquarter's halls like a zombie a few days ago.

The sudden pound of fists on the table at either side of you startled you, expertly caging you in as you looked up. Albedo loomed over you with eyes brightly catching the sun, giving it the luminosity that carried the same curious look he had when faced with the unknown. "Intercourse? If it's true, then please," oh no, "I wish to have intercourse with you."

Excuse me? "Wha-" suddenly, you were hyper-aware of just how close you are to one another. You slightly hiked yourself up against the table, as to preserve what little distance you have. "Wait Albedo, do you not know what that is? It’s only done between lovers!”

And without skipping a beat, he mused, "Convenient, I love you, anything else?" That familiar smirk displayed on his face.

Contrary to his face tho, you greatly contest to Diluc's hair. Really a normal reaction- to this guy suddenly confessing! Your head is already whirling around in confusion and your eyes couldn't set itself straight at him, still mindful of the distance of which reminded you why you were in this predicament in the first place.

Albedo attentively watched your eyes stray to the side as he stands there in silence, seeing it land at the entrance to his laboratory. Ah of course, he thought he'd made a discovery, as he leans away from you to make his way towards the door.

And shut it with a click.

"Wait, wait, why did you lock the door?!" You finally mustered up the courage to speak (breaking away from the shock of his confession) as he finds himself where he stood over you, eyes filled with confusion.

"You were quiet after my confession. I know such moments of romance are intimate and with your eyes, I only wanted to give us privacy," his brows furrowed with confusion before his shoulders dropped, a sharp sigh escaping. "Normally people would express their reciprocation by now," he breathed as he starts pulling back and away, "but voicing your rejection would have been appre-"

Quickly with a yelp, you reached out for his departing form, pulling him back by the grip on his shirt. Albedo's eyes only widened a little as he was quick to grip the table's edge to stabilize himself, one arm wrapped around your waist to ground you. "No! I do- do love you too!" You finally squeezed out the embarrassing confession, "You were just so sudden, it surprised me so much!"

And suddenly he was laughing openly, full of relief and humor, as his shoulders slackened at the validation. The heavy weight on his shoulders eased as if a physical matter left it, the bout of removed tension making him slump on you.

You cradled the tired Albedo in your arms as you let him place his chin on your shoulder. This man is your lover now, you thought as the fact finally dawned on you. The brilliant and most loved in Mond now tied down to you.

Basking in the presence of a person now his, Albedo found himself breathing in. There was a scent to you that always soothes him which now feels emphasized at the closeness. His pupils dilated as his face buries itself closer to the junction where your neck and shoulder meets.

Ah, what was this? Was this the pheromones you once talked about in your research on zoology that attracts those to them? He mused in his mind as those teal eyed fluttered shut, nose brushing at your neck for another whiff.

While Albedo indulged himself with the natural scent of you, you stood there with weak legs, trembling and red from the notions. Oh gods, you whimpered at the feeling of his lips brushing at your skin, you're whipped for this man.

"I'm waiting," you had to hold the shiver when his words vibrated against your neck, "for your answer on my offer, I think it would be good to try." Ah the 'intercourse'. You placed your hands flat on his back as he leans away to stare in attention, and then you finally explained to him what you meant, what you'd do, and what it entails to.

Albedo nods in understanding at your every clause and explanation. And his bright mind understood far too easily how it would help. "We are lovers now," his eyes twinkled at the cute scrunch of your nose upon the embarrassment of the fact, "sooner or later we'd end up doing it anyways. When shouldn't be a matter."

Albedo always make a good point.

With your consent, Albedo slowly lays you on the surface of the table as his other hand makes quick work to swipe away the items that would be in the way, thankfully the carpeted floor prevented anything from breaking. His lips found yours almost naturally as you urged him to take off his coat and you worked on your own, the thoughts spiraling in your head for every clothing that is shed:

Albedo has little to none idea on how sex works between humans, and you had your base knowledge from the things you learned from academics; in short, you're both inexperienced and you are his anchor.

How funny how the master role quickly switched, you thought with an inward laugh before it died in your throat at the sight— he stands there with his undershirt unbuttoned, belt and shorts caught by his knee, and his apparent bulge outlined by his boxers. Your thighs instinctively closed, you don't know what's considered average in size for such things, but you know for a fact there's gonna be some difficulty.

"Is something wrong?" His raw and calloused hands (gloves long gone) softly landed at your squirming thighs, the contact sending a shiver all over. "Am I doing something wrong?"

No, you breathed as you urged him to step closer and settle between your legs at the edge of the table, his form forcing you to spread your limbs apart.

The intoxicating scent that Albedo indulged in earlier was stronger now, drowning him and clouding his thoughts. The waft plunged through his senses so forcefully that he stumbled a bit on you, hips hitting as he grips your sides to keep him steady.

Next came the warmth that touched his sensitive length as it laid between you, the contact had forced out a cute squeak from you and an airy groan from him. His hips buckled to catch the sensation as he finds himself rutting between your folds with ragged breathing.

So good, it felt so good. Albedo finds himself struggling to keep his eyes open from what he now identified to be pleasure, and as he looks up to check on you, you were struggling just the same. Your chest rises and falls in quick successions as you covered your eyes with an arm, whimpers coming out of your slightly parted lips.

Fuck. If only he wasn't so engrossed, he wanted to capture this image through painting. "Am I-," he cleared his throat of the hoarse voice, "Am I hurting you?"

You gasped at the cold and wet feeling swipe from your chin to the corner of your lips, licking the trail of drool you didn't even notice when you opened your eyes to see Albedo's up close. With a shake of your head, you gripped the ponytail of his braid to pull his head for a sudden kiss.

Staggering over your form as your legs hiked up to hook around his waist, you guided the tip of his length to your entrance as he ravaged your mouth without restraint. Lips bruising each other, tongue tracing the underside of yours gingerly before it licks at the roof of your mouth— all the sensations had fogged up your consciousness so badly that you didn't feel an ounce of pain when he finally entered into you, guided by a shy gentleness to his ministrations.

It is only when his tip finally touched the opening of your cervix did you whimper; the way you're being stretched and the fullness of his length in you making you writhe under and around him, the friction only making rousing him more.

Albedo produced a low growl against your lips as he bit down on the bottom one, his trimmed nails digging to your soft-skinned hips as he pins it down. "Stop- nghh- stop moving around so much," a sudden warmth pooled into your stomach as you tightened around him.

Mistake number one: You didn't expect for his gentleness to be gone.

Spurred on by your tightening grip and the pleasure shooting up him everytime his tip came in contact with your edge, Albedo went into a relentless pace, pounding straight into you to hit that spot. Your pants turned into breathless chokes everytime he comes in contact, forcing your raw moans out of you. There's a dull pain by your entrance everytime he grinds against your walls, and he whimpers your name in pure ecstacy every stroke.

Your back arcs as he smacks into you, pulling back halfway through before burying deep into your hole once again. His brutal pace gets sloppy at times, before his strength comes back again to pull you closer. Halfway through Albedo produces a feral growl as he grips one of your legs behind the knee, pushing it closer to your body and slightly angled to the side.

And the moment he thrusts in with the new position, you cried out his name. The tip of his length reached far deeper with this new angle, and had plunged the top right into your cervix— your hips trembled as Albedo's whole body shivers at the new sensation, fingernails digging into your thigh as his other hand intertwines with yours, pinning it down on the table as leverage.

"Ahn," he whispered your name tiredly with tears pricking at the edge of his eyes, for the first time staring at your eyes after he had started, "How are you? Is it okay? Is it..."

Good, you mumbled with a tired smile at his consideration, bumping your hips to emphasize on it- which drew a sharp gasp from the both of you, he was already in so deep, your hips bruised and touching.

He rolled his hips to test out, his thickness rubbing at the walls as he stirs your insides. The sweet moan you produced spurred him on, and he was once again staggering into you, his hips slightly elevated in an angle meant to pierce through you.

The sound of flesh smacking against each other overpowers even your loudest moan as Albedo pleasured himself inside you desperately, the smell of sex filling your sense of smell. He chases the way your hole drips and wafts with the scent, drawing in a huge breathe whenever your mixed cum spills past his tightly locked dick in you.

And soon his pace became more desperate and short, as he makes quick work at hitting you in your most sensitive part to barely give you time to gasp for air. Your walls clenched down on him so tightly as you came, a cry of his name passing your lips as your back arched—

the pressure made him buckle and he thrusts in deep one last time, tip breaking past your cervix, as his climax enters you in thick strings of warmth.

That was mistake number two: you didn't bring protection with you.

But at that moment you couldn't care less (your cycle just ended anyways, you should be fine), watching him whimper your name in full pleasure as his teeth grinds against each other, his forehead and eyebrows knit and furrow as he releases before it relaxes after he is done.

And then he falls face first to your chest, the renowned Alchemist running out of the minimal stamina he had with him. Buried between the valley of your breast, Albedo had the most serene (almost drunk) expression on his face, lips pressed against the skin over your heart where it beats with fervor from your activity.

He tested another experimental thrust, lighter this time, as he felt your mixed fluids moved around the tiny space. You gave a wailing moan at his action, and he breathlessly laughed at your reaction.

Albedo stayed in you and on you for a few more minutes after that. Still trying to regain strength as your tired pants became the white noise that night.

"Albedo..." he hums against your chest as his arms tightened around your waist, enjoying the peace your hands brought to him as you stroke his cheek. "Albedo, I need to clean up." He jests that you should just keep it in you and you responded with rapid pats, whining at the notion. He chuckles.

It took him a lot of willpower to get up and he made it obvious as hell, taking his time to remove himself off your chest, grumbling that his bed was complaining too much. You let out a cute snort before smacking his arm. Albedo grips your hips as he gently pulls out when he stops suddenly, realizing that the liquids would pour out and make an obvious mess if he were to do so.

His head passes around the immediate area as he pinpoints a peculiar object, plucking it from its plastic package, still new from the bubble wrap. A sharp gasp suddenly comes by you at the cold and hard sensation that replaced Albedo inside you, only a few inches deep as the Alchemist walks off to get tissues. Wary, you looked down to see the object, choking out when you saw its end sticking out past your crotch:

A test tube, pristine and clean, was preventing the fluids from dripping out of your hole.

When Albedo came back with the tissues and spare cloth in hand, he muses at how your deep red face was smacked tightly against your palms. He offers to clean up, a gentle hand carefully pulling out the tube, but you refused and got quick work on yourself. That was enough embarrassment for tonight.

Unbeknownst to you with your busied self, Albedo held the glass vial in close inspection and curiosity. The translucent white liquid barely blocks the night light and produced the same strong scent he'd been chasing the whole night— he sticks his tongue out to taste, ah, slightly salty and sticky.

Albedo wonders what kind of experiment he can do with this.

The obvious lift on the shoulders of the Chief Alchemist was greatly acknowledged by everyone in town who were aware of the impasse the young man had troubled himself with for the past few days. The bags under his eyes were gone, and the tealness he has shined with newfound vigor. Besides the mood shift, many of the knights had also noticed the time spent between the two of you. Missions and expeditions were always coinciding with each other and people barely saw you separated, giggling and smiling to yourselves in your pink world.

One day they finally found out about your relationship when a knight barged in to his laboratory for an urgent matter. Blurting out the Chief Alchemist's name before he realized that you were there, lips locked against each other.

The news spreads fast with that little detail and everyone congratulated you on your relationship.

Behind your bashful smiles, you and Albedo sighed in great relief, thankful to the archons that the knight didn't took notice of your hand under his big white coat that time.

This turned out like this cuz alchemy boy very new to things u_u and little stamina, he needs to exercise more ehe-

@creation-magician @dandelion-dreams @zelos-simp @struggljng @youroffical-weirdo @your-local-venti-simp @indigodreamtime47

[babyowlbokuto]

Giyu Tomioka appreciation post because (most of) the demon slayer fandom is RUTHLESS towards him​😭

And I still don't understand why?

He almost killed Nezuko and tempted Tanjiro?

Ok? Every single hashira disapproved of Nezuko at first well everyone except Mitsuri and Muichiro(tho he doesn't count because he just didn't care). Sanemi even went as far as stabbing Nezuko while taunting her and testing her self-restraint.

But he was willing to sacrifice his own life for Nezuko because he believed in her and Tanjiro.

Besides he was the entire reason Tanjiro got the opportunity to experience the proper training needed in order to become a demon slayer to avenge his sister and find a way to turn her back to a human.

Sure he's monotonous and doesn't show much character development but I think he has really noble characteristics to begin with. He doesn't show much emotion but he's definitely protective and caring towards those he considers close. He's aggravated when Tanjiro was being attempted to kill and he's very shaken when Shinobu dies.

He's kind-hearted and loving. His haori that is a combination of his deceased older sister, Tsutako Tomioka and closest friend, Sabito is just an example of his (internal)caring characteristics.

He's no different from characters like Todoroki(My Hero Academia) or Haruka(Free!) who keep their emotions at bay and hide them until its overwhelming or their protective instinct comes into play.

In conclusion, I love Giyu Tomioka and he doesn't deserve even half the hate the fandom (and most of the canon characters) give him.

(fangirl moment feel free to skip: OMFG THIS GIF HE'S LIKE A PROTECTIVE OLDER BROTHER SJBJBXSBDJ I CAN'T)

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 5

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be lots of Viren deets, Best Boy Soren deets, some writing/continuity stuff, worldbuilding appreciation and half of a theory, Detective Rayla, Moon Temple geeking, Claudium and dark magic, and more!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

(I know for darn sure that I wrote up a post for chapter 4, but I can't find it anywhere so I guess Tumblr ate it and I'll have to redo it at some point, but today is not that day)

Viren, my evil dude, my bad guy, coming in clutch with the worldbuilding and backstory again! If you want to know decades of information, you gotta talk to Viren. Or read his scenes, at least. Here, he seems to not sleep much when he has a big problem to analyze his way through. Solutions trump pretty much everything else in this guy's life, and he's had a really hard week with a lot of new and complicated problems. Of course he's getting sleep-deprived trying to find his way through them all.

Harrow put so much trust in Viren when he made him High Mage! He just threw himself extra hard at that Lady Justice blindfold, didn't he? Didn't really want to see what Viren was doing in his magic study, so he left Viren to his devices. And Viren has a lot of devices.

Also, this is fascinating: Viren made the secret passage to his "less official study" in Katolis Castle! And he was inspired to do so by the way his own mentor kept the Puzzle House. What else could a Puzzle House be, except a place with secret passages? Yay! secret headcanon that "the Puzzle House" is just "Katolis Castle" from Kid Viren's perspective tho

So either Viren built all of those passageways, or at least the ones to his dungeon. Which means he has to have, or know where to get, a stash of those glowing blue Moonshadow crystals. Hmmm.

I can't wait to learn more about Kpp'Ar and young Viren, btw. From this description of Viren and all his literal secret ways, it feels like another parallel between Viren and Runaan, with the whole "secretive paths, members only, insider knowledge" type stuff. Only the really cool members of this cult club get to know the secrets, and guess what, kid, you're cool now but you can never tell anyone, okay? Our secret.

Yeahhh, that'll never backfire in any way for either of them.

Kpp'Ar calling puzzles and secrets "man-made magic," though. Yes sir, knowledge is indeed power.

This chapter mentions Runaan by name, from Viren's perspective. Generally that would imply that Viren knows his name, even though assassins do not share their names, and Runaan didn't seem to give his to Viren in the first book. However, there was a scene in book one where the last paragraph switched perspective from Viren to Runaan - a technique that's very common in visual media like movies and shows and gives you that "ohoho they left the room and didn't notice this, but you do!" vibe. Using Runaan's name there in book one, where Viren couldn't see it but readers could, helps them keep track of the assassin's story arc while maintaining Viren's racism.

So in book two, in which Runaan has no onscreen scenes (alas), using his name in a scene that calls back to the events in book one helps us remember what happened in that dungeon cell. It would be a bit muddier to recall the specifics if Viren kept thinking about Runaan as "Elf." So I'm cool with the perspective nudge because it serves a narrative purpose: clarity. But I'm also enjoying the angst of considering that, somehow, Viren learned Runaan's name either during or after the coining spell. Mwa ha ha haaa. (Obligatory "Keep my pretty name outta your mouth" goes here)

Okay, back to Viren's scheming! He took the mirror because it was human-sized in a dragon lair. He knew it didn't really fit there, and that made it interesting, so he stole it. But he realized it was really powerful when Runaan wouldn't tell him squat about it - the assassin's instinct to protect Xadian secrets from human hands meant that Viren was holding a very powerful Xadian secret. And that just made him want it all the more. Ah, Runaan, if only your relationship with lying was, like, the exact opposite of what it is. Nyx could've spun Viren a believable tale in 2 minutes flat.

Also of interest: Viren considers his cursed coins to be a final fate. He expects Runaan to remain in his coin forever. With the Chekhov's coins still extant in the storyline, we can assume that they'll come up again eventually, but Viren has no current plans to do anything with his elf money except carry it around.

It's worth noting that Viren admits that he got impatient when he trapped Runaan in the coin. Runaan's first fate in Katolis was supposed to be death at Soren's hands, but Claudia "saved" him from that. His next fate was to become spell components, but Viren's frustration with his stubbornness "saved" him from that fate, too. So now he's in a coin, where no one can chop him up at all. Yay? No, boo!

We get one last line about Runaan before Viren shifts gears: he makes a point of noting for us that Runaan's shackles are still locked shut. However much of Runaan made it into that coin - body, soul, hair care products - he was magicked there, pulled right out of his restraints.

The creepy black liquid that Viren pours right into his eyes is the last of a powerful potion he got from Kpp'Ar, and its recipe is ancient! Humans used it back in the age of Elarion to see through the illusions of the world. And we get a delightfully creepy bit of description about the preparation of this serum, which makes it abundantly clear that it's a Moon magic-based concoction, harvested from eyeless vipers on a moonless night, with the threat of irrevocable madness ("madness" by whose definition, though) if it's done wrong-

Hang on. Hold up. This is a Plato's Cave reference. OH MY GOD.

No no I'm fine, this is brilliant. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't figure why there was so much description for a potion prep that Viren didn't even have to perform himself. But now I get it. I see the light. HA. I should make a separate post for this, it's amazing.

Anyway, for reference, the humans who used this serum were called the Oracles of Ophidia, and Ophidia is a taxonomy group that includes all modern snakes. Can you say "creepy ancient snake rites"? I can! Woo!

Viren activates the serum with a spell, but apparently he's never done it before. He's not sure if it's supposed to be hot and bubbly, and he worries that it's been tainted by moonlight.

Oh, I do hope so.

The magic potion hurts, a lot. Viren will do just about anything, to himself or anyone, to do what he believes is necessary. He just risked madness and blindness to find out what this mirror does! Viren. Can you just. Take a nap or something. Have a Snickers.

This chapter gives us a fun clue that I don't remember from the show: when Viren's vision clears and he can see, his reflection has white pupils and the room reflected in the mirror has inverted colors. You know where else has inverted colors?

You know who else got white pupils for a hot second?

Okay, now it makes sense! Viren and Lujanne were both seeing into the realm beyond life and death. Him with his moon magic potion, and her with her moon powers on a full moon night at the Moon Nexus. Which is Very Interesting! Is it a direct hint about Aaravos's location, or just a separate cool detail? Orrr, does it look like a direct hint because Aaravos is actually trapped in the world beyond life and death, but it's actually separate and we'll see something about white pupils again later on?

Viren really does have self-esteem issues, we all picked up on it with his rant at his reflection. He throws a fit when he catches himself wondering if he's actually worthless. In the book version of his tantrum, he shoves the mirror and hurls a candelabra instead of flipping a table. He didn't need to shove the mirror to set the fire, but it's in here. Foreshadowing that perhaps, if push comes to shove, Viren will choose himself over Aaravos? Giving Aaravos time to peek through and see that the coast is clear?

Soren, my boyyyyy. He has a rough night at the Moon Nexus because two sides of him are fighting with each other. He struggles to understand Callum's friendship with Rayla, and he also fantasizes about chopping off Rayla's head. One of these is a pretty ordinary thing to do. The other is Soren's internalization of what he needs to do to gain his father's approval. If he brought his dad a chopped off elf head every week, he'd probably feel a lot more confident because Viren would praise him a lot more.

Okay, okay, omg, is it just me, or does the "Moonshadow Madness" story, as it's told in the book, seem like Soren just doesn't know what a monsterfucker is? He thinks an elf bite puts humans under a spell. But vampires are sexy, and some people want them to do more to them than just bite them. A passionate kiss under the moonlight could look very bitey, especially if one of the participants has horns and you're already culturally trained to hate them. No yeah, I'm already headcanoning an actual human-elf kiss that got misunderstood by an observer long ago.

it's Lujanne isn't it, we all know, because what is a love spell but a sweet soft illusion, I mean how else does she get supplies for her Caldera, I ask you, and also Corvus was totally sent to investigate once and he told Soren at camp what he saw

And then back to magefam angst: Soren pretending that his sister's nose-tapping is stupid, even though he actually thinks it's cool, just because their dad thinks it's stupid. Viren, istg. Let your kids like harmless things. It's so cute that Soren taps his nose back at her, though! Like they have their own sibling code. I hope we get to see the nose tap again, especially now that they've chosen different sides. It could mean so much, that they're not too far apart yet.

Rayla knows what buttery pancakes smell like. I love this. Do Moonshadow elves have butter and pancakes, does Rayla eat a stack of eight giant pancakes in the morning? Orrrr it is just illusion food? I don't care, let Rayla have pancakes! Everyone loves pancakes. Pancakes will save the world. this message brought to you by the fact that I can't eat pancakes rn, send help

I love that Rayla is both sus of the pancakes and hungry, and that combines into a very motivated "I will get to the bottom of this" attitude. She kind of goes into Poirot Mode when she inserts herself into Soren and Ellis's conversation about Ava, explaining about the wolf's illusion leg and segueing into her claim that the pancakes taste sus. Claudia confirms she used dark magic, and Rayla is furious. It's different than the show's version in that it puts Rayla in detective mode, as the only Moonshadow elf in the scene, and boy does she take that role seriously. Also, she doesn't actually swallow the dark magic pancake bite. It ends up on the ground just like Lujanne's grubs from that earlier meal. These poor kids are so nutrient-starved. You guys gotta eat!!

Rayla's determination and prejudices and the fact that she super knows Harrow is dead all dovetail to make her try repeatedly to persuade Callum that Soren and Claudia are Not To Be Trusted. It's nice that the book keeps taking the time to point out that Rayla is Well Intentioned But Flawed, just like Callum and pretty much every other character in the show. No one is Right All The Time, no one Knows More Than Everyone Else.

Callum loving the sound of Claudia's unique voice is so wholesome. When you like someone, it only makes sense that you like all the things about them that they can't change - like the sound of Claudia's voice. Her choices with dark magic, not so much!

Claudia seems to have the same concerns Soren does about Callum's relationship with Rayla, but she comes out and asks him. The inherent possession implied in "your elf" is interesting, though. Elves are not people to Claudia. They're enemies who can be disassembled for the magic inside them. So maybe more like robots than living beings, if she knew what a robot was. Maybe she heard Soren's "Moonshadow Madness" story and realized he totally missed the kissing implications - but she didn't, and now she's genuinely worried that Rayla could kiss Callum under a full moon and enchant him to do her will. Good thing it's only a half moon, then!

Okay, Callum nervously making a puppet hand and then not knowing what to do with his hands and freaking out about itching and moving and pointy elbows is such a ND mood. The sudden stress of knowing that someone else is noticing your existence and maybe you're Not Existing Right, amirite? Ugh, poor Callum.

The Moon Temple! Omg it's so pretty in the description! Made to be beautiful and useful, full of knowledge but also allowing light and life inside (butterflies and vines). Lujanne, when can I move in, please? Also, it's all the more angsty because Lujanne is the only one who gets to see this beautiful place, but it has lots of chairs and shelves and tables, and it was meant to be used by lots of people. :(((

Claudia knows some of the runes on the walls. She isn't in a hurry to copy the rest of them down or anything, either. Her spellwriting is very precise, and she's a skilled mage. Her father would have made sure she was aware of the dangers of drawing sloppy runes, as much as he made her aware of the dangers of doing dark magic wrong. And the whole point of dark magic is that it's easier to learn than primal magic. Claudia supports her dad and their shared knowledge and life path. She's not gonna go nuts over an elf library she can't translate.

Side note: Between Claudia knowing some Moon runes and Viren building a secret passageway and a dungeon and lighting it with the same blue crystals that Lujanne and Ethari use for light--and Claudia exclaiming that she loves ruins--I wonder once more if there are really Moonshadow ruins somewhere in Katolis, which Viren has found and looted. Father-daughter relic hunting trip, maybe while Soren is away at camp? Omgsh that would be so wild!

Callum out here having a Viren moment with his "I feel powerless unless I've got magic that lets me help" vibes. God. I love their complicated mirroring. One of the hard differences between them is that Callum is very sure dark magic is bad because you have to kill stuff and take its power to cast spells, and he doesn't want to be a person who kills and takes like that. The line he walks to be nice to Claudia on their tour of the Cursed Caldera because he likes her, while telling her that he doesn't want to do her magic, like, ever, is so fine that it might as well be a shifting shadow on the ground. It's a very fitting conversation to be having during the half moon, with its tricks and little white lies.

Callum being out of the castle and his comfort zone, having to deal with the fact that the Claudia he loves is not quite the Claudia who's chasing him down across the kingdom, but of the two of them, he's the only one with a problem with this.

They say that if you really want to get to know someone, you should spend time with them outside their comfort zone - in heavy traffic, with a small baby, taking care of a new pet, trying a new skill, following unfamiliar directions, etc. While the castle is familiar territory for them both, Callum's never really found his comfort zone yet, while Claudia is pretty comfortable with her growing skill set. The creepy part starts to kick in when Callum begins to realize that Claudia's comfort zone encompasses a whole bunch of stuff that seems like it should make her uncomfortable... but it doesn't. But that'll be for a future chapter!

[katnissmellarkkk]

Okayyyy here comes the next chapter ! Number .... lemme look. Okay, number six! 🥳🥳🥳

And yes, my thoughts as usual will be a messy, very Everlark-biased and full of typos. Letsss gooooo 🥰🥰🥰

Is this the first time Katniss and Peeta have been to their floor or is this just the most opportune time to explain and introduce the Tribute Center living quarters?

Also why are they called tributes anyway? That word suddenly seems weird to me after nine years... 🤔🤔🤔

“I've ridden the elevator a couple of times in the Justice Building back in District 12. Once to receive the medal for my father's death and then yesterday to say my final goodbyes to my friends and family” .... 😶😶 so only good memories and connotations to elevators then, huh?

“The walls of this elevator are made of crystal so that you can watch the people on the ground floor shrink to ants as you shoot up into the air.” My mind is just imagining the elevator in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone’s Spider-Man movies 🤗.

“It's exhilarating and I'm tempted to ask Effie Trinket if we can ride it again, but somehow that seems childish” this is so cute and innocent omg. Katniss, like I said in my last chapter blog, still has some childlike innocence left in her 🥺🥺🥺. I’m a sad.

Also excuse the unnecessary extra gif use but 🤭🤭🤭

Oh wow, so Haymitch hasn’t been around since they were on the train? No wonder neither Katniss nor Peeta fled they could trust him for basically the entirety of the first book. 😐😐😐

You know it’s bad when Effie being around feels like a blessing to Katniss. Girl has more restraint than me, I’d have ripped off this woman’s janky wig by now without remorse. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Effie acts like they’re her purebred show dogs. I know I know how is this news, that’s a blatant fact. The movies really softened her up tho for the general audience. And I bleed the movies and books together more than I should 😔😔😔

Well at least she’s made herself useful, trying to get Everlark sponsors ... even if it’s ultimately to benefit herself above anyone else .... 😤

Effie calling Twelve barbaric while she’s preparing them for the slaughter isn’t even ironic it’s like literally just brainless. Johanna probably had the nickname floating around for a lot of people before she officially knighted Katniss with it 😭

“Everyone has their reservations, naturally. You being from the coal district.” Is this how they refer to Twelve? So basically if a district makes a better item, it’s a more worthy one in the Capitol’s eyes? So essentially, if District Eight made like diamonds or pearls or whatever then it would be more worthy? So are the districts assigned their numbers (one, two, three, four, etc) based on their order of importance to the Capitol’s lifestyle? I always thought it was based on their distance in relation to the Capitol? Okay so I didn’t really pay much attention to these facts previously when I read these books ok look away I’m an idiot

Omg 😭😭😭😭 Effie is such an idiot. But the coal turns to pearls thing is my favorite line from her only because it serves as the cutest inside joke when Peeta makes a callback to it in Catching Fire and Finnick is just like “why are these two teenagers so stupid who did I ally with? 🥵😳🥵😳🥵”

“I wonder if the people she's been plugging us to all day either know or care.” After reading Songbirds and Snakes, I’m sure they don’t have a clue, boo. 😑😑😑😑 although not everyone was an idiot back then ... maybe Snow is putting lead in the drinking water?

“But don't worry, I'll get him to the table at gunpoint if necessary.” I know she’s trying to help and I know we say this kind of thing today, but considering this is two kids she’s well aware will be heading into a death match this is just bad wording I know surprise surprise 🙄🙄🙄😬😬😬😬

“Although lacking in many departments, Effie Trinket has a certain determination I have to admire.” Katniss really does see the best in people. What’s sad, y’all, is I think Katniss unconsciously really tries to like people and that’s why she has her guard up so high. Because the softer you are, the easier people will step all over you. Terrible phrasing here, Samantha, I’m so sorry to any of my readers ... okay now that sounded arrogant, implying I have readers 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤣😅🤣😅🤣😅

“My quarters are larger than our entire house back home.” Omg? I mean, yes, I knew this already obviously no duh but like also. Just the fact that three people live in a space smaller than a bedroom and bathroom arena is saddy sad sad. Also do they have indoor plumbing in the Seam or is their backyards just full of—okay, I’ll see myself out. 😶🤭😅🙃

“The shower alone has a panel with more than a hundred options you can choose regulating water temperature, pressure, soaps, shampoos, scents, oils, and massaging sponges.” I’m just imagining a Spongebob scene ngl.

I’m sorry there’s so many gifs this time around it’s probably taking us out of the reading headspace I’ll never do it again 😩😩😩😩 I talk like I have a class of people listening to me 🤭🤭🤭

“Instead of struggling with the knots in my wet hair, I merely place my hand on a box that sends a current through my scalp, untangling, parting, and drying my hair almost instantly” I need this someone invent this NOW my brush is yanking out my hair 😔😩

“I program the closet for an outfit to my taste.” ‘Yes, Alexa, I’d like a hunting jacket, some boots and a green shirt. Yes, it can be brown.’

“You need only whisper a type of food from a gigantic menu into a mouthpiece and it appears, hot and steamy, before you in less than a minute.” I like this idea because it means that Peeta could order hot choccy to comfort Katniss after her nightmares in Catching Fire from the comfort of her their own bed. 🤗🤗🤗 also I want this for myself. The bad people are giving my greedy self ideas look away everyone 😬

“I walk around the room eating goose liver and puffy bread until there's a knock on the door.” 🤢🤢🤢🤢 Of everything you could have chosen, child, this is what you decided on? Someone help my girl and her rotten tastebuds now.

“Effie's calling me to dinner. Good. I'm starving.” Baby, you were just eating. She’s so nutritionally messed up. 😔😔😔

Katniss trying wine 🥳🥳🥳 she’s so funny, trying to find a way to improve the taste 😅. She’ll make a good taste tester for her baker husband one day.

Hahahaha Katniss not liking the feeling and judging Haymitch for always being tipsy. Also this is sad because she ends up addicted to morphling later one which is far worse than a little wine.

I’m glad to know Baked Alaska survived the apocalypse 😅🥳

Katniss just constantly trying to decipher the recipe of every meal and how to recreate it reads cute on a surface level but it’s actually so tragic because everything to this girl is based around food. Like even more than is typically noticed. They really should have given a hint at this in the first movie. Good thing she marries a man who can always keep her full.

I’m just forever side-eyeing you, Gare Bear.

That’s Gary Ross for the confused kids in the back.

Why does Katniss yelling mid-sentence, “oh! I know you!” add to her innocence? 🥺 it’s because she was overwhelmed by all the food and new luxuries she’d never even been able to imagine ... and also this is pre her first games so she’s still got some childhood left in her 😩😔

I wonder how Lavinia felt seeing Katniss volunteer and knowing she’d be her Avox? I wonder if she, like Cinna, somehow volunteered to be her Avox?

I mean ... talk about convenient placement that this specific girl was assigned to Katniss’ district—oh wait, y’all, I just caught myself. She’s from Twelve. She was assigned to Twelve’s tributes because she’s from there, duh. I’m such an airhead omg just call me Effie.

Don’t you actually dare.

“When I look back, the four adults are watching me like hawks.” Meanwhile, Peeta is just like 😬😬😬 eating his dinner.

Actually, ngl, this could be such a reach and it probably is but like maybe Peeta sensed a confrontation coming and, because of his implied upbringing, he naturally becomes silent or makes himself invisible when trouble starts looking like it’s gonna arise. 🥺🥺🥺 I don’t know why I say these things I’m just hurting my own feelings but ya know the drill. I thought it so I said it.

Why is Effie yelling at Katniss for saying she knows the Avox girl like omg overreaction much? And I know, the sky is blue 🙄🙄🙄 she’s prejudiced against basically everyone, I know, I know

Rip her wig off, Katty Deen 🤗🤗🤗

Oh I stupidly forgot that Avoxes are supposedly known by everyone to be traitors or criminals. So I suppose this isn’t Effie’s worst offense but I’m keeping a tally anyways

Katniss is blaming her stuttering on the wine but my girl just has social anxiety 😔😔😔

Peeta coming in with a save 😭😭😭 he’s already trying saving his girl 🤧

Alsoooo the unspoken friendship, the covering for the other and teaming up against the adults, is still riding high and going strong here 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 look away, y’all, the shipper comments are coming in strong

Also why is this the first real interaction with Peeta in this chapter yet? My baby needs more page-time 🤭🤭🤭

“Delly Cartwright is a pasty-faced, lumpy girl with yellowish hair who looks about as much like our server as a beetle does a butterfly.” Now why did Katniss just tear Delly to shreds for no reason at all 😭😭😭 this was a surprise assault on the poor girl 🙃🙃🙃🙃

“She may also be the friendliest person on the planet - she smiles constantly at everybody in school, even me.” Okay not to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... but to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... this description of poor, sweet Delly is actually indicative of Peeta’s character? Since Delly, we find out in Mockingjay, is Peeta’s childhood best friend, her personality being this sunny, kind, good-natured person tells us Peeta has always probably been somewhat like her and perhaps not as much like the other town kids Katniss implies to be stuck up or snooty. Maybe Katniss is just shady and deflects onto others 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️.

Also the fact that she gives this like ... mean description of Delly but saw Peeta as popular, even though surely Delly and Peeta spent time at school together, implies further that Katniss did indeed harbor a secret crush on Peeta even before the reaping. A very mild comparison of his on her though, of course 😅😅😅

“It must be the hair” “something about the eyes too” their piggybacking on the other’s comments really is just chiefs kiss 😘🤗🥰🤧 FYI I know the saying is chefs kiss but I made the typo once a long time ago and decided to add it forever to my brand 🤗🙃🥳

Also though this Everlark interaction is reminiscent of when two kids get caught by their teacher goofing off in class and covering for each other 🥰 only it’s a lot more deadly stakes

“A few of the other couples make a nice impression, but none of them can hold a candle to us.” She’s so modest 🤧🤧🤧 her narration here and during the Tribute Parade just has the vibes of ... well .... sorry in advance

Haymitch’s comment “Just the perfect touch of rebellion. Very nice” leads me to think he and Cinna and maybe Portia were always in cahoots about the rebellion even before Katniss and Peeta came along and well ... lit their match on fire 🥁🤗🤣🤭

Katniss is like “rebellion??? Rebellion where??? What’s that you old people speak of???” And yet, girlfriend goes out to the woods and hunts illegally every day of her life 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

“But when I remember the other couples, standing stiffly apart, never touching or acknowledging each other, as if their fellow tribute did not exist” too lazy too look it up but there’s a quote from Ballad about Lucy Gray and Jessup being distinguished by their visible friendship too that set them apart from the other tributes.

Either Suzanne thought of drawing a nice parallel showing what a failed Everlark attempt looks like, because I firmly stand by the fact that without their real feelings behind their act, even Katniss’ unconscious ones, they wouldn’t have pulled it off, or Suzzie just reused her own content. I prefer the former but I think it’s probably the latter 🤭🤭🤭

“Now go get some sleep while the grown-ups talk." I know Haymitch is being facetious here but this quote reminded me of the fact that the movies would have hit differently if they’d cast actual sixteen year olds in the roles.

“When we get to my door, he leans against the frame, not blocking my entrance exactly but insisting I pay attention to him.” This is such a flirty, high school boy pose, you cannot convince me otherwise 😭😭😭

Also I definitely feel like Peeta is getting more and more confident here because he’s oblivious to Katniss’ inner monologue as much as she is his actually we all are his sadly and he probably thinks she’s starting to like him 🤧🤧🤧

“So, Delly Cartwright. Imagine finding her lookalike here." 🤣 He honestly cracks me up idk why this line isn’t even special or that great. He’s just so ... subtly nosy / funny. Which brings me to that quote from Mockingjay where Katniss talks about his sense of humor because it’s one of the things she loves most about him 😭😭😭

But he’s like, “I can keep a secret, Katniss, tell me who that tongueless chick is to you 😬”

Katniss stop talking about debts, friends cover for the other all the time 🙄🙄 I know it’s in her character stop yelling at a fish for swimming that’s not a real phrase I know that too

Okay first of all, they’re about to share a secret 🥰🥰🥰🥰. My shipper goggles are on tight and obstructing my vision. I know this and am proud 😬🥳🤗

And secondly, “Maybe sharing a confidence will actually make him believe I see him as a friend.” Hey, butthead, you two are already friends. She doesn’t even recognize that the girl who constantly sits with her, talks to her, eats with her and trades with her is her friend either though, I’m shocked she calls Gale her friend

Does Peeta get to know Cinna too? I don’t think so but it’s mentioned now a couple times in this chapter alone that Peeta has interacted with Cinna. Katniss never interacts or has a conversation with Portia.... then again, is that even surprising? Katniss isn’t ... what you would call ... social. Hashtag relatable.

Awww, they’re communicating so effectively together 🥰😭🤧🥳

Also rooftops belong to Everlark only 😍😊😉 I mean, seriously, Katniss never goes up on a rooftop with anyone else. Besides Haymitch in the first movie but we ignore.

“Electricity in District 12 comes and goes, usually we only have it a few hours a day.” Earlier she said the Seam didn’t often have electricity, in particular, so either she’s not specifying her section of the district anymore or Suzanne is backtracking.

“But here there would be no shortage. Ever.” I’ve had two power outages recently so clearly the Capitol isn’t based on us currently today then 😐😐 I’m just joking ok

“I asked Cinna why they let us up here. Weren't they worried that some of the tributes might decide to jump right over the side?” .... boyfriend, where does your mind go sometimes? Peeta’s darker than we realize, y’all 🤭🤭🙃🙃

“He holds out his hand into seemingly empty space. There's a sharp zap and he jerks it back” between this and Catching Fire, Peeta is addicted to getting shocked by forcefields 🤧🤧🤧

“I wonder if we're supposed to be up here now, so late and alone.” If this was a romantic drama or comedy, that line would have meant something a lot more fun 😒😔😬😉😏

“On the other side of the dome, they've built a garden with flower beds and potted trees.” Is this meant to resemble Snow’s grandmother’s garden???? Like he had them put a garden there to like ... put a piece of his Grandma’am in the games? Idk this made zero sense it was a stupid thought

Two people in a garden at night, with wind chimes, sounds romantic in any other context. 🥺🥺

Ummm does everyone in the entire district know Katniss and her father used to hunt together?

Oh nevermind, Lavinia is not from District Twelve. My bad, guys. I should go up and edit my previous thoughts but that’s a lot of work. 😅😅😅

Katniss, stop being so hard on yourself. You and Gale were kids. 😣😣

Ummm, Katniss for a girl always complimenting Peeta’s storyteller, you’re pretty good at painting a picture yourself...

Peeta noticing she’s shivering 🥰🥺

He gives her ... his jacket 😭😭😭😭 such a romantic troupe Samantha, get over it there’s literally children dying

Oh wow, Lavinia was from the Capitol originally. Hmm, it is sus now that she got District Twelve this particular year.

But also 🤧🤧🤧 “he secures a button at my neck.”

His hands .... are .... often .... at her .... neck .... 😶😬 .... look away, y’all

Oh wow, Katniss is over here thinking, “who’d leave the Capitol if they were from here???” And Peeta’s like instantly, loudly, without hesitating, “well I would 🙋🏼‍♂️”

Hot take, y’all ready? Peeta was a bigger rebel than Katniss from the start. At least internally.

Awww, Peeta is so jealous 😭😭😭😭 and kind of nosy 🤭🤭🤭

Katniss : “me and Gale are not related” Peeta : “😬🙃😭😩😶”

“I'd set out to tell her I was sorry about dinner. [...] my apology runs much deeper. [...] I let the Capitol kill the boy and mutilate her without lifting a finger. Just like I was watching the Games.” I feel like this is actually a good comparison though, because of you grew up in a society where you have to watch kids die, your whole entire life you’ve watched it in a glorified television show, you would be really desensitized to it...

“You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.” Here she’s talking about Lavinia but it applies to Peeta too. Katniss was Lavinia’s last hope and she feels like she let her down but Peeta was her last hope once and he came through. And, as she said in chapter one, she’ll never forget him for it. And for other things too. Later on. 😏

Of course my last bullet point was focused on Everlark 🤣 is anyone surprised you shouldn’t be we all knew who this post was written by right? 😅

And once again, if too made through this marathon, congratulations 🥳🥳🥳🥳 maybe next chapter I’ll talk less not likely though so don’t count on it 😅