#this could've been 5k words of me talking about him

[ggukvnly]

➷ That Kiss ➹ ║ JJK ║ 2

✦ synopsis; two best friends fake-date for a wedding, but one unexpected kiss sparks real feelings, jealousy, and a confession that changes everything.

✦ genre; fluff, angst, fake dating, best friends to lovers

✦ pairing; jungkook x reader

✦ warnings; spicy scenes, unfiltered dialogues

✦ word count; 5k+

Part 1

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The words fell out of her mouth like a confession she'd been choking on for far too long.

And just as they did—

The sky finally broke.

Rain began to pour, sudden and heavy, drenching everything in seconds. Her hoodie clung to her, soaked in moments, but she didn't move. Neither did he.

Jungkook stood there, frozen, eyes locked on her like the rain didn't exist—like the storm wasn't outside, but between them.

His eyes darkened.

"Then tell me."

"Tell you what?" she whispered, looking everywhere but at him.

"What the hell do you want from me, Y/N?"

Her bottom lip trembled.

"I don't know," she said, barely audible. "I don't know what this is. I don't know what we are. I just..." Her voice cracked. "I just hate watching you be someone else's when I—when you're supposed to be—"

He stepped in again, barely inches away.

"When I'm supposed to be what, huh?"

She blinked up at him. Rain had started to fall, soft at first — just a drizzle. But the air was thick now, heavy with the weight of unsaid things.

"Mine," she whispered, eyes locked on his.

That was all it took.

In a breath, Jungkook's hand was on the side of her face, and then his mouth was on hers — rough, urgent, desperate. Their lips crashed like waves in a storm they couldn't hold back anymore.

It wasn't soft.

It wasn't gentle.

It was a confession.

Rain pounded around them like the sky itself had broken open. Cold drops ran down their faces, mixing with the heat of the kiss, soaking through their clothes, but neither of them cared. The world could've drowned in that moment and they wouldn't have noticed.

Every ounce of tension. Every second of yearning. Every stolen glance, every breathless silence, every "just best friends" lie shattered in that kiss.

Her hands curled into the fabric of his shirt, drenched and clinging to him like she was afraid he'd vanish.

Thunder rolled somewhere far off, low and deep like the echo of everything they'd held back for too long.

And when they finally pulled apart, breathless, hearts racing, the rain slipped down their lashes like tears neither of them had to hide anymore.

Jungkook looked at her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Like she was home.

and she was.

He stepped back, chest heaving, then suddenly roared.

"YOU THINK THIS WAS EASY FOR ME?!"

His voice echoed through the walls, rough, cracked, full of agony.

You have no idea," he said, chest heaving, "no fucking idea what you've done to me."

He took a step forward, fire in his eyes, voice cracking from the weight of everything he'd never said.

"I loved you. From the start. From the goddamn start. And I told myself it was nothing—that you were just my best friend. But every time you smiled at me, every time you laughed like it didn't matter, it drove me insane. You crawled under my skin, into my lungs, my bones—and I never stood a chance."

He was pacing now, fists clenched, like his body couldn't hold the words in anymore.

His clothes were soaked, rain dripping from his hair — but he didn't care.

He had to let it out. Every damn thing.

"And then you started dating him—Minjae. God. Do you even know what that did to me?"

His voice cracked, turning sharp and guttural.

"I watched you fall for him. I watched you love him. And every time I saw you with him, every time you talked about him with that sparkle in your eyes, I wanted to fucking die. But I smiled. I laughed. I said I was happy for you. Because I was your best friend, right? The safe one. The silent one. The one who stayed."

He turned, eyes red, voice shaking with fury and pain.

"You think Hyejin meant anything to me? You think I spent time with her because I wanted to? No. I hung out with her because I was trying to move on. Trying to breathe without you. But every time I thought I could, you came back into my head. I saw your face everywhere. Every time I tried to feel something for someone else, I ended up comparing them to you. And they all lost."

He laughed bitterly, eyes glossy with tears.

"My other relationships? They were nothing. Brief, empty, fake. Just distractions. Because I couldn't date. Not really. My heart wouldn't let me. It always screamed your name."

His voice rose again, loud and desperate.

"Do you know how many times I almost told you? How many times I stood outside your door, rehearsing every damn word in my head, thinking maybe—just maybe—you felt the same?"

He turned, bracing himself against the car like it was the only thing holding him together

"But I didn't. I didn't say anything. Because I was scared. So scared. Of ruining what we had. Of breaking the only thing that kept me close to you. I thought... if you wanted me, you'd show it. You'd say something. But you didn't. And then you fell in love with him. And I couldn't compete with that. I saw how much you liked him. I saw what you two had, and I backed off. Because I didn't want to be the selfish asshole who destroyed your happiness."

He stepped forward again, voice raw and louder now, like he was finally free-falling.

"But I was broken. I AM broken. You broke me without even knowing it. Every smile you gave him, every time you leaned on someone else instead of me—it killed me. And I swallowed it. I swallowed all of it just to be close to you."

His voice cracked again, turning into a whisper, one last blow from the center of his chest.

"And then that night... when we kissed... I thought, maybe this is it. Maybe I finally get to stop pretending. But you—you said it meant nothing. That we were just best friends. And you walked away like it didn't ruin me all over again."

He was breathing hard now, barely holding it together.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I'm okay. I'm not. I never was. I'm tired of being your almost. I'm tired of hiding everything like it's some dirty secret."

And finally, he looked into her eyes, the broken, terrified boy behind all the anger and heartbreak showing through.

"I love you. And maybe that ruins everything. But at least now... you know."

Her eyes glistened with tears, heavy and unrelenting, as if every ounce of pain she'd buried inside was finally breaking free. Her breath hitched, voice trembling but fierce.

"Jungkook... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for every time I pushed you away, for every time I lied to myself—denying what was right in front of me. I screamed at myself to stop feeling this... to stop wanting you. I thought if I could just pretend, just ignore it, maybe the pain would go away."

She swallowed hard, tears spilling freely now, voice cracking as she bared her soul.

"But the truth is... you were always there. Every time I felt lost, scared, or broken, it was you who kept me steady. You didn't just stay beside me—you saved me. You're my light when everything else was dark. And I was too scared, too stubborn to admit it."

Her hands shook as she reached out, fingers trembling as they hovered over his.

"You never deserved to be my secret. You never deserved to be the one I pretended didn't matter. You were the only thing that ever truly mattered. And I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. That I made you bleed alone."

He stared at her, chest heaving, the raw honesty making the air between them thicken. "Y/N... we can't keep pretending this is just friendship anymore. We have to try—really try. No more running, no more walls."

Her lips parted in a whisper, "I want that too. I want us."

And then—

His hands wrapped around her waist, yanking her forward until their soaked bodies collided. Without a word, he spun her and slammed her back against the side of the car. The metal was cold against her spine, but his lips were fire—crashing onto hers with a desperation so fierce it stole her breath.

Rain poured around them, heavy now, drenching their clothes, blurring everything else. But all she could feel was him—his hands, his mouth, the rough, shuddering gasp he let out when she kissed him back just as wildly.

Her bag slid down her shoulder and hit the ground with a thud. Jungkook didn't even glance at it. His mouth moved to her jaw, her neck, then returned to her lips like he couldn't get enough. Like he'd waited too long.

He finally pulled back for a breath, foreheads pressed together, his voice ragged.

"God, I missed you."

He kissed her again. No hesitation. No pause.

More frantic this time, more claiming. Like he was scared she might disappear if he didn't hold her close enough.

Then he moved—still kissing her, still holding her like she was air in his lungs—and swept her up into his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist, arms clutching his shoulders, wet clothes clinging to them both.

He carried her through the rain, their lips parting only when necessary, gasping against each other's skin.

They reached the apartment.

He paused—for one breath.

One trembling moment.

And then he slammed her against the apartment door, rain-soaked and breathless, and kissed her again—hard. The wood shuddered behind her, matching the thunder rolling in the sky.

The key fumbled in his hand, door swinging open a second later—but they didn't rush in. They just stood there, tangled in each other, like letting go wasn't even an option. The apartment door clicked shut behind them, but they didn't move.

Jungkook's mouth crashed onto hers again, pinning her against the wood like he was starved for her. His soaked clothes clung to every muscle on his body, water dripping from his hair, but he didn't care. Not one bit. His hands gripped her hips, his body pressing into hers like he needed her to breathe.

Her fingers tugged at the fabric of his shirt, rain-soaked and clinging, and he groaned against her lips, deeper this time. Raw.

"I love you," he gasped out between kisses. "I love you so much it's killing me."

She whimpered, hands cupping his face, eyes glistening. "I love you too. I've always—God, Jungkook—I've always loved you."

He exhaled like her words shattered every restraint he had left. Without thinking, he scooped her up again, holding her close. Their lips met in another searing kiss as he stumbled toward the living room, blinded by the need, the feeling, everything between them finally breaking free.

But halfway there—he paused. Just for a moment. His breath was hot against her ear as he whispered, voice ragged and desperate:

"If I don't stop, I'll lose control. I'll make you mine—forever."

Her reply was instant, breathless, honest:

"Then make me yours."

The second she said it, something in Jungkook snapped. The restraint he'd barely been clinging to shattered—and the hunger in his eyes turned feral.

His mouth crashed into hers again, kissing her hard, deep, like he was already claiming her with just his lips. His hands cupped her face like she was something fragile, but his kiss? That was anything but gentle.

And then she felt it—his hands leaving her face, grabbing the hem of his shirt, and in one fluid motion, he ripped it over his head and tossed it aside. Her hands were immediately on him, roaming across the sculpted planes of his chest, his arms, his abs, fingertips skimming every ridge like she couldn't believe he was real.

"God, Jungkook..." she gasped, eyes wide, pupils blown. "You're so—"

Before she could finish, he dipped down, pressing a hot, open-mouthed kiss right between her breasts. "Yours," he murmured. "I'm yours. Every inch."

"I'm going to take my time with you," he whispered against her lips. "Touch every inch. Kiss every freckle. Strip you down slow until you're trembling for me."

Her breath caught. "Jungkook—"

"Shh," he hushed gently, pressing a kiss to her jaw, then to her neck. "Let me worship you."

His hands moved to the hem of her shirt, slipping under the fabric with practiced care. He didn't yank it off—no. He lifted it slowly, inch by torturous inch, lips following the path of revealed skin. Her stomach, her ribs, the soft valley between her breasts—he kissed it all, murmuring quiet praises against her skin.

"So beautiful..." he breathed, eyes hazy with awe. "You don't even know how much I've dreamed of this. Of you."

She raised her arms and let him pull the shirt over her head. Her bra came next, unhooked with skilled fingers, and when her breasts were finally bare, Jungkook froze.

His gaze darkened as he looked at her—no shame, just raw hunger wrapped in reverence.

"Fuck..." he exhaled, almost like it hurt. "You're unreal."

He dipped his head and kissed the swell of one breast, soft at first—then his tongue flicked over her nipple, hot and wet. She gasped, arching into him.

He groaned against her skin. "You like that?"

She nodded, breathless. "Yes..."

He took more of her into his mouth, sucking just hard enough to make her squirm. His other hand came up to roll her other nipple between his fingers, teasing and tugging, and her hips jolted instinctively.

"That's it," he whispered. "Let me feel you come alive for me."

Y/N was already a mess beneath him, eyes fluttering, hands tangled in his hair. But he didn't stop. He moved lower, trailing kisses down her stomach, teeth grazing just enough to make her shiver.

Her hands went straight for his belt, clumsy and urgent, yanking at the buckle. "Off. Take these off."

A smirk ghosted across his lips as he pulled back slightly, letting her work. "Eager, baby?"

"You're wearing too many clothes," she growled, nearly whining in frustration when the buckle resisted.

"Then help me." He leaned in, lips brushing her ear. "Or you're going to watch me take them off slow."

She did try. Her hands fumbled with the belt, tugging the zipper down, pushing the denim over his hips. Her breath caught when the jeans slid down and he kicked them off—leaving him in just a pair of tight black boxers that left nothing to the imagination.

Her mouth went dry.

He was hard. So hard, the fabric stretched tight across him. And he wasn't even trying to hide it.

Y/N reached out, fingers grazing his waistband—but Jungkook caught her wrist.

"Not yet," he whispered, eyes dark and burning. "We'll get there. But right now? I want you naked first."

His voice—so calm, so in control—made her legs tremble.

And then he was back on her, mouth covering hers in another kiss as his hands slid down her body. His fingers hooked in her waistband, tugging her pants down slow. He kissed her all the way down, lips on her hips, her thighs, her knees—until she was left in just her panties.

Her hands gripped his shoulders, nails digging into skin. "Jungkook—please—"

"I know, baby." He pressed a kiss right above the waistband. "You'll get everything. But I'm going to take my time."

He peeled her panties down like he was unwrapping something precious. And when she was finally, completely bare, he sat back for a second—just to look at her.

His voice dropped to a whisper. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And you're mine."

He pressed his lips to her hips, the insides of her thighs, the soft skin above her core—everywhere but where she needed him most.

"Please"

His chest heaved, hands trembling slightly as they traced her legs, her hips, her waist.

Jungkook knelt between her thighs like he was made to be there, like her bare, trembling body was the only thing in the universe worth touching. His hands spread across her hips, firm but gentle, grounding her while his eyes roamed her like she was the answer to a prayer he'd never dared to speak out loud.

"Fuck..." he breathed, voice hoarse. "I've wanted this. Wanted you. So bad it hurt."

She tried to say something—anything—but then he leaned in, and her words died in her throat.

The first touch of his tongue was soft. Barely there. Just a flick over her folds like he was introducing himself, testing how responsive she was. Her hips twitched violently.

"Sensitive already?" he whispered, lips curving into the faintest smirk.

Then he really began.

His tongue dragged a long, slow stroke through her slick heat, firm and steady, like he was learning her by feel. She gasped, fingers tangling in the sheets, as he did it again—and again—each pass getting just a little more precise. A little more focused.

Then his mouth latched around her clit—gentle suction, rhythmic, unrelenting—and her entire body jolted.

"Jungkook—oh my God—"

He didn't stop. He groaned into her, the vibration shooting straight through her core. His tongue circled her, flicked at her, licked like he was drunk on her taste. It wasn't messy—it was devastating, precise, overwhelming. He moved like he knew exactly how to break her.

Her thighs shook. Her hands fisted his hair, trying to push him closer, trying to survive it—but he just grabbed her hips harder, holding her open for him like she was something holy.

"You taste like heaven," he muttered between licks, eyes glazed with hunger. "I could die like this."

And then—God. He flattened his tongue and dragged it up, slow and deep, before flicking the tip back and forth, building pressure until she was squirming, pleading, panting his name like a mantra.

He slid two fingers inside her, curling them just right, hitting that spot again and again while his tongue never let up. Her body arched. Her vision whited out.

She was barely holding on.

"Jungkook—I—I can't—"

"Yes, you can," he growled, voice wrecked. "Give it to me. Right here, baby. Let me feel you fall apart."

And she did.

Her orgasm slammed into her like a tidal wave. Her whole body convulsed, thighs clenching around his head, cries tearing from her throat as her release shattered through her. He held her through all of it—never pulling back, never stopping, just licking her through every pulse, every shake, like he needed it.

By the time he finally pulled away, his lips and chin were glistening, eyes heavy with lust and something deeper.

She lay there, wrecked. Barely breathing. But when he kissed his way back up her trembling body, she still reached for him—needy, desperate, hungry for more.

His gaze swept over her face—then her body—and she swore she saw something break inside him.

Without a word, he pushed his boxers down, slow and deliberate, eyes never leaving hers. And when he was finally bare, her breath caught in her throat.

He was beautiful. Every part of him—all of him. Hard, ready, and completely undone by her.

But still, he paused.

He leaned in, resting his forehead gently against hers. "Tell me if you want to stop," he whispered. "At any point. Just say the word, and I'll stop. No matter how bad I want you."

Y/N cupped his face, her thumb brushing his cheek. "I don't want you to stop," she breathed. "I want everything."

His eyes fluttered shut for a second like the words physically hit him.

He positioned himself, slow and careful, one hand braced beside her head, the other cradling her hip. When he began to press in, her body welcomed him—tight, warm, wrapping around him inch by inch. And still, he was gentle. Patient.

"God, baby..." he groaned, voice cracking. "You feel like heaven. You're so warm. So perfect."

She gasped at the stretch, her fingers digging into his back, but she didn't tell him to stop. Not once. Her legs wrapped around him, pulling him closer, deeper.

And once he was fully inside her—buried to the hilt—they both stilled.

Nothing existed but the sound of their ragged breathing. His forehead pressed to hers, their hearts thudding in sync. For a moment, it felt like too much. Like being that connected, that close, would burn them both alive.

"You okay?" he asked softly, brushing a kiss against her temple.

She nodded, voice wrecked. "Yeah... but don't be gentle forever."

His breath hitched.

Then he started to move.

At first, his rhythm was slow—like he was memorizing her from the inside out. Every stroke was deep, smooth, intentional. He kissed her through it, hands everywhere—her waist, her breasts, the back of her neck—like he couldn't get close enough.

But it didn't stay slow.

Her moans, her hands clutching at him, the way she whispered his name like a prayer—it all snapped the last threads of control he had left.

He growled her name into her neck and began to move faster. Harder. His thrusts became deep and desperate, the sound of skin against skin filling the room. He fucked her like he was starving. Like this was the only chance he'd ever get to show her what she meant to him.

And she matched him, meeting every thrust with her own. Her nails raked down his back. Her cries grew louder. Her body arched beneath him, completely undone.

"Don't stop—please don't stop—"

"I won’t ," he growled, sweat beading at his temples. "You're mine, Y/N. I'm never fucking stopping."

And he didn't.

They lost track of time. Of everything. He flipped her, pressed her into the cushions, pulled her into his lap, moved her however he wanted—but never let go. It wasn't just sex. It was something more—raw, overwhelming, like years of love and longing crashing together in wave after wave. They came together hard. Shaking. Breathing each other's names like they were sacred. But they didn't stop there. Even after the first release left them breathless, he was already pulling her close again.

Whispering filth and worship in the same breath.

"I need you again. I need you."

And she gave herself to him. Again. And again. For hours, until they were both too spent to move, bodies tangled and wrecked, but still unwilling to let go.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Jungkook held her close, his chest rising and falling with slow, steady breaths as she nestled against him. Her hair spilled over his skin like silk, and he kept pressing gentle kisses along her temple, tracing tiny circles on her back with the pad of his thumb.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, voice thick with something softer now—something like awe. "More than I ever thought I could deserve."

Y/N blushed, warmth spreading through her like a quiet sunrise. "You're such a sap," she teased, nuzzling into his neck.

He chuckled, low and rumbling, fingers threading through her hair. "Maybe," he admitted. "But it's true. You're everything to me."

For a moment, they just breathed in sync, caught in the quiet after the storm.

Then Jungkook pulled back just enough to meet her eyes, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I want to take you out," he said softly. "A real date. Just you and me. No pretending this time."

Y/N's cheeks flushed deeper, heart fluttering in that familiar, electric way. "A date? Like... a date date?"

He nodded, eyes sparkling. "Yeah. Dinner. Maybe a movie. Or that little café you like. Whatever you want."

Her smile was shy but bright, the kind that made her whole face light up. "I'd like that."

He reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear, fingers lingering on her cheek. "Good. Because I'm not letting you go. Not ever."

She giggled, the sound soft and sweet. "You're hopeless."

"Hopelessly yours," he whispered, pulling her back into a gentle kiss.

Wrapped in his arms, with his heartbeat steady beneath her ear, Y/N knew this was just the beginning.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The soft glow of the café lights made Y/N's cheeks flush again, but this time it wasn't just from the heat of the day—it was because Jungkook's eyes kept locking onto her, sparkling with that familiar mix of mischief and admiration.

"Honestly," he said, grinning like he'd just won some secret prize, "how do you get more beautiful every time I see you? Seriously, it's unfair."

Y/N rolled her eyes, nudging him lightly. "You're ridiculous."

"Ridiculously in love," he shot back, fingers brushing hers under the table.

He leaned in close, voice dropping to that low, teasing tone she hated and loved all at once. "You know you're my favorite distraction, right?"

She smirked. "Am I? Because you're mine too."

He let out a soft laugh, something warm flickering in his gaze.

"Then I guess we're both screwed."

At one point, he reached over and gently traced a line along her jaw, thumbs brushing her cheek. "You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now."

"Why don't you?" she teased, catching his gaze with a sly smile.

Without missing a beat, he captured her lips in a soft, lingering kiss—sweet, full of promise, and just the right amount of desperate. When they pulled apart, he grinned like a kid caught stealing candy. "See? Told you I'm hopeless."

"Hopelessly beautiful," she whispered back, making his cheeks flush just a little.

The evening stretched on with playful jokes, quiet laughter, and stolen touches. Every look, every word was a little love note between them—no need for grand confessions tonight, just the easy, electric happiness of finally being together. After their sweet café escape, Jungkook slipped his hand around Y/N's waist, pulling her close as they stepped out into the crisp evening air. The city around them buzzed softly with life, but in this moment, it felt like the world had shrunk down just to the two of them.

"So," Jungkook said, eyes glinting mischievously, "where to next, my beautiful date?"

Y/N laughed, nudging him gently. "You're so full of yourself."

"Only because you make me feel like I'm winning the lottery," he winked.

They wandered through the streets, dipping into little shops where Y/N picked out a silly keychain and Jungkook tried on ridiculous hats, making her laugh until her sides hurt. Jungkook challenged her to a mini ice cream taste-test at a nearby parlor, feeding her spoonfuls of the weirdest flavors just to see her reaction. When she smacked his hand away, he only grinned wider. "You're impossible."

"I'm adorable," she countered, giving him a playful shove.

As night fell, they found a quiet park bench under a canopy of twinkling fairy lights. Jungkook pulled her close, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"You know," he said softly, "I never thought a date could feel this easy. This right."

Y/N smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. "Me neither. It's like we're exactly where we're supposed to be."

He kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I'm going to spoil you rotten."

"Good," she murmured. "Because I'm not letting you off the hook."

Their laughter mingled with the night breeze, a perfect soundtrack to the start of something beautiful — a first date, but really, the beginning of forever.

⋆˙⟡ Y/n’s POV ⟡˙⋆

The past few days had been some of the most beautiful I could remember. It wasn't anything flashy or over the top—it was just us, really being with each other, slowly but surely building the relationship. We'd been taking our time, going on little dates that felt so simple and perfect—coffee in the mornings, long walks under the fading sunlight, sharing jokes and stories like we always had but with something new underneath it all. It felt like coming home.

He surprised me with a trip to Paris, of all places. It was the kind of thing I'd only dared to dream about, tucked away in quiet moments when no one was watching. And suddenly, it was real. We were really going to Paris. Just the two of us, away from everything. I couldn't help but smile whenever I thought about it. I loved him so much—more than I'd ever expected to, more than I could sometimes put into words.

I still remember that call with Nari so clearly. I told her everything—the dates, the trip, how it felt like I was finally holding something true in my hands. She was so happy for me, her voice bright on the other end. "I always knew you two were meant to be," she said softly, almost like she was sharing a secret. "I could practically see Jungkook desperately in love with you. You both were just too blind to see it before."

Hearing her say that made something inside me settle. The quiet way he looked at me, the small moments when his hand found mine without thinking, the way his laughter sounded lighter when I was near. It wasn't just friendship—it was something deeper, something neither of us wanted to ignore any longer.

We were planning the trip now, daydreaming about cobblestone streets and late-night walks, holding onto the excitement like it was a fragile treasure. I felt so lucky, and maybe a little surprised at how perfectly everything was falling into place. It was still early, still fragile, but it was ours—and that was enough.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The Eiffel Tower's golden lights shimmered around us like a dream, casting a soft glow on our entwined hands. My heart was pounding—too loud to ignore—a mix of disbelief and overwhelming happiness swirling inside me. Here we were, beneath this iconic Parisian sky: two souls who'd crossed the line from best friends to something infinitely more. Jungkook's eyes searched mine, filled with a quiet tenderness that made my breath hitch.

"You know," he began, voice low and steady, "we've been through so much. I never thought... no matter how much I hoped, that we'd actually get here—from best friends to lovers. It feels unreal sometimes."

He smiled softly, his thumb brushing over my knuckles like a silent promise.

"But what I do know is this: I'm going to be good to you. Always. No matter how many fights we might have, or how hard things get, I promise I'll always trust you. I'll always come back to you. You're the only woman I want."

His voice dropped even lower, steady and sure, like a vow made just for me.

"I'll cherish you, protect you, and love you with everything I am. You're my home, my heart, my forever. No matter what comes our way—the hard days, the fights, the moments we don't understand—I promise you this: I will always choose you."

Tears welled up in my eyes, and this time I didn't try to hold them back.

I reached up, fingers trembling slightly as I traced the curve of his cheek.

"I promise you too—no matter what, I'm here. For the fights, for the laughs, for every moment in between. You're my home, Jungkook. And I love you—so much it scares me sometimes."

He pulled me close, our foreheads resting together, breaths mingling softly in the cool Paris air.

"I love you too," he murmured. "More than words. And I'm not going anywhere. You're my forever."

Our lips met in a kiss—gentle, sweet, but heavy with every unspoken promise, every hope and fear laid bare. It was a kiss that spoke of forever, of a love forged in friendship and strengthened by every moment we'd shared. When we pulled apart, I smiled through my tears, my heart so full I thought it might burst.

"Forever sounds perfect," I whispered, "as long as it's with you."

Jungkook chuckled softly, brushing a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"Always with you."

And beneath the sparkling lights of the Eiffel Tower, wrapped in each other's arms, I knew this was only the beginning.

"One kiss. That was all it took for everything to unravel—and finally fall into place."

[reiderwriter]

✍️Introduction and Masterlist✍️

About me: Hi! I'm Kacie, I'm 21, and I use she/her/any pronouns. I'm from the UK but I'm currently an English Teacher in South Korea (if you want to know more I'm totally open to conversations about it!) and this is my side blog, so I follow and respond to comments from @studykac

Writing: At this point in time. I only write for Spencer Reid. I will pass on any requests that focus on other characters because I don't currently write for them. A lot of my work is also NSFW. If you are under the age of 18, do NOT interact with any of my posts that are tagged #maturereiding - please block this tag!! When my requests are open you can request through the Ask box, or through DMs, but please keep in mind I do have a full time job, so I will do my best to get things out quickly. You can find my recommendations in the tag #reiderrecommends!

Other interests: kpop, especially Seventeen, SHINee, NCT and BTS, Criminal Minds (obv), NCIS, reading any genre of books (here's a link for my GoodReads page), Percy Jackson, languages (learning Korean currently!), English Literature, Jane Austen etc.

Requests are: CLOSED - find my request guidelines here!

Writing:

Spencer Reid x Reader NSFW

Everyone Looks Better in a Sundress // 3.8k

Summary: The AC at the BAU decides to take a holiday during a summer heatwave, and when you decide the FBI’s dress code is merely a suggestion, you unwittingly catch Spencer’s eye.

Warnings: Dom!Spencer, sub!reader, semi-public sex, fingering, car sex, degradation, name-calling, edging, praise-kink, dumbification

Everyone Looks Better in a Sundress pt. 2 // 2.4K

Summary: After a hot encounter in your car, Spencer pulls you inside your apartment hoping to give you some more relief from the heat.

Warnings: Dom!Spencer, sub!Reader, soft Dom, oral (M receiving), pet names, degradation, face fucking, messy sex, creampie, breeding kink

Margaritas and Mistakes // Part 1 // Part 2

Summary: On a group night out, you get a little more drunk than you want to, and when Spencer shows up looking like the love of your life and not just your coworker, you realise that the margarita’s are having more of an effect than they should be.

Warnings: Suggestive language, dirty talk, heavy petting, hickeys, making out, mentions of arousal etc. (part one)

Show You What Devotion Is ❤️‍🔥

Summary: After a lustful encounter on the jet, you and Spencer decide to try out a friends-with-benefits relationship. What you didn't expect was for his sex drive to be so high, and your need for him to overpower your ability to function properly.

Warnings: So many, check the post for details.

More Than Words 🫶 // 8k

Summary: After telling a white lie to your family about your relationship status, you're forced to ask your coworker Spencer to pretend to be your boyfriend for a weekend wedding.

Warnings: Mostly fluff, penetrative sex, creampie, mentions of Spencer's childhood.

The Us That Could've Been 💔 // 5.7k

Summary: They say to get over a man, you have to get under another. Spencer isn't sure why the idea of you doing just that makes him feel so bad.

Warnings: angst, unprotected sex, creampie, spoilers for season 8, mentions of Maeve, Spencer is emotionally illiterate etc.

Unhappy Holidays 👻🦃🎄🎆// 5k

Summary: You're unlucky enough to run into Spencer Reid at holiday celebrations four years in a row. In the New Year, you're resolving to rid him from your mind forever, but you never were one to stick to resolutions 👻🦃🎄🎆

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, low-key work rivals, semi-public sex, car sex, hate sex, fingering, thigh riding, creampie, unprotected sex (no condoms but contraceptive mentioned), slight spoilers for s4 of Criminal Minds (but not really).

Flirting with the FBI // 7.1k

Summary: To catch a killer, you have to first out him on the FBI's radar. By hacking their systems and flirting with Spencer Reid, of course.

Warnings: Rough sex, Dom Spencer, bimbofication, dacryphilia, unprotected sex, creampie, fingering, use of slut and good girl, more in the fic warnings.

Spencer Reid x Reader SFW

The Lightbulb Moment // 4.8k

Summary: You want Spencer all to yourself for the first few months of your relationship and he's only too happy to comply. Unfortunately, you're two dumbasses who can't keep their hands off one another.

Just Hanging Out // 3k

Summary: To kick off your vacation, you find yourself at Rossi's mansion with your team for a big summer barbeque. A hammock in the garden catches your eye, and you enlist Reid to help you have some fun in the sun.

(Not smut but highly suggestive, read at your own discretion).

Isn't She Pretty, Daddy? // 2k

Summary: You're a teacher, and you have to call in one of your students' parents to talk about their recent troubling behaviour. It's more embarrassing than you thought when Spencer Reid shows up.

Series

That's What You Get // complete 💕

Summary: After three weeks on a case in Vegas and a particularly draining phone call from your mother, you decide to take Reid up on his offer to show you the sights of Las Vegas. When you wake up the next morning, you realise that one of the sights was a 24hour Wedding Parlor, and that you're now Mrs Reid.

Genres: Fluff, smut in later chapters, angst in later chapters, happy ending.

Playlist: Me and You in 2024

Summary: One song fic a week throughout 2024!

Genres: Various, check individual chapters for specific warnings!♡

Answered Requests

(NSFW) Request inspired by Taylor Swift's False God 🙏// 2.2k

(NSFW) Request for a soft!Dom Spencer with cockwarming and breeding kink 💕 // 2k words

(NSFW) Request for Reader introducing vanilla!Spencer to a BDSM lifestyle ✨// 0.7k words

(SFW) Request for Reader kidnapped by unsub and saved by Spencer 💕 // 2.2k

(SFW) Request for pregnant Reader and Spencer who is an absolute fool for her 🌸 // 1.2k

(SFW) Request for shamelessly flirting with an oblivious Spencer 😊// 2k

(NSFW) Request for post-Maeve Spencer who uses sex as a coping mechanism 🫡//4.6k

(NSFW) Request for alt!sub!Reader meeting the team for the first time (and they totally think she's the Dom) 🤭// 1.5k

(NSFW) Request for CNC office sex with Spencer 🚫// 1k

(SFW) Request for Spencer finding out you knew Emily was alive 😿// 0.7k

(SFW) Request for training session with Spencer 🤼‍♀️// 1.8k

(SFW) Request for I Can See You inspired angst 🥺// 1.7k

(NSFW) Request for Spencer making the reader beg for it ❤️‍🔥// 1.6k

(NSFW) Request for CNC with soft!Dom Spencer - shower sex 💦// 1.3k

(NSFW) PROMPT REQUEST - Professor Reid doesn't know he's distracting the class 👓// 3k

(NSFW) Request for Sub!Spencer begging reader to dominate him 🫣// 1.7k

(NSFW) Request for Genophobic virgin!Reader ❤️‍🩹// 5k

(NSFW) Request for Professor Spencer with a jealous gf 🐺//2k

(SFW) Request for reader helping Spencer through recovery 🤕// 1k

(NSFW) Request for possessive Spencer reacting to your little black dress 💃// 2.5k

(NSFW) PROMPT REQUEST - Undercover with an "excited" Spencer 🕵‍♂️// 3.6k

(SFW) Request for playing video games with Spencer 🎮// 1k

(NSFW) PROMPT REQUEST - munch! Spencer is obsessed with you 👅// 2k

(SFW) Request for Spencer babying an oblivious reader 👶// 2k

(NSFW) PROMPT REQUEST - sharing a cold bed with Frenemy Spencer 🛌// 3.5k

(NSFW) Request for reader being distracted while Spencer is reading 📚// 1k

(NSFW) Request for Pillow fort sex with Spencer ⛺️// 2k

(NSFW) Request for car confession and oral with Spencer 🚗// 1.7k

(NSFW) Request for dancing the night away with Spencer 💃// 2.5k

(NSFW) Request for the morning after Spencer loses his V-Card 😶// 0.7k

(NSFW) Request for reader confessing to Spencer when he's in his anthrax shower 🚿// 0.7k

(NSFW) Request for Spencer finding readers unusual sensitive area 🤝// 3.5k

(NSFW) Request for Spencer and Hotch!Reader secret relationship 🤐// 6k

(SFW) Request for reader being jealous of Spencer and Lila 🤽‍♀️// 2.1k

(NSFW) Request for gun kink 🔫//3k

(SFW) Request for Shy! Spencer and Flirty!Reader 🫣 // 2.3k

[ivoryrebellionmess]

Spooky remorses IV

Part I Part 2 Part 3

Summary: You dated Jax for a year and a half, it was great. You fought sure, but that's a given if you´re both stubborn (and he's constantly in danger). Gemma didn't like the relationship, and she made sure that it ended. Now, months after the breakup, your friend takes you to a Halloween party that just happens to be SAMCRO´s.

warnings: 18+, mdni

A/N: I hope you like it, I´m so thankfull for every interaction with my posts. I love you guys so much <3

tw: foul language, kinda hooking up with your ex, jealous jax, smoking,a little bit of spice, alcohol, gemma being mean af

Word count: 5k

Staying alone in Jax´s room would only bring overthinking and second-guessing your presence there, so you decided to go search for a friendly face to distract you from every mistake you´d made in the last three hours.

The party was decaying fast, a few members still around drinking and chatting. You spotted Chibs sitting at the bar, and smiled to yourself, knowing he'd give you shit for…well, everything. Not that you didn´t deserve it.

Chibs looked up from his beer when you sat down next to him, brows raising in curiosity and mischief. But he said nothing, waiting for you to set the tone of the conversation.

So, sighting in defeat, you did exactly that, ¨Go ahead, lay it on me¨. 

The scot laughed, but did not miss his chance. ¨Ya two were putting on quite the show out there, I thought you were gonna rip each other's clothes off on the spot¨.

You just laughed, what else was there to do?. ¨That bad huh?¨

The scot had a look in his eyes that could only be matched by a kid on Christmas morning, he had clearly missed having you around to give you a hard time. And he clearly had some more to add, ¨Oh, it was damn near pornographic. The way-¨.

¨Oookay okay, I know, I was there, remember?¨, he seemed pleased with himself as your face reddened under the dim lights of the clubhouse. 

He turned a bit more serious, even if still wearing a shit-eating grin on his face. He hesitated before speaking again.

¨Seriously, though? I thought I was watching one of those cheesy movies you like. Next thing I know you´ll be confessin´ your true love on a beach at night¨.

You scoffed a laugh, but answered nothing. This was his way of telling you there was more than sexual tension there, and that he did not think it was a bad idea to pursue whatever else was brewing between Jax and you tonight.

But of course Chibs liked you together, they all did, you leveled Jax. During the yeard and a half you´d dated he got into fewer fights, his decisions weren´t as reckless and he was in a better mood. Some people had thanked you for the former reason.

The other side wasn't so pretty: knowing you'd always come second to his brothers, worrying about him whenever he was on a run, patching him up after, learning how to shoot and defend yourself `just in case`,...

Did you love him? Of course you did, that was the only reason you put up with it, until it became too much. You couldn't let yourself get dragged back into all of it. 

From the outside, Jax was the kind of guy everyone want to date: charming, hot, loving, all of that mixed with the edge of a bad boy? Sounds great, sure. Would be perfect if that edge was just a harley and some tattoos. But it´s so much more than that, it´s being alone in bed at 3 am, wondering if the person you love is coming back. If he´s been arrested. If he´s gotten into a fight. If he´s dead on the side of the road.

Chibs could almost hear your brain whirring and clicking, so he mentioned someone he knew you wouldn't resist talking about. ¨Gemma was about ready to explode¨.

You tried, and failed, not to laugh, ¨She burst in the room while I was cleaning Jax up¨.

Chibs matched your vibe instantly. No matter how much he loved Gemma, she'd been awful to you since day one, playing a main role in your breakup. So yeah, he´d relish a bit in her misery.

¨Wish I could've seen her face¨, he laughed, ¨What'd she say?¨.

You straightened your back, imitating her body language, ¨I'm his mother and I know what's best for him¨. A quick laugh flew from your throat before speaking again, in your own voice this time. ¨ You know, the usual¨.

A silly smile, a gentle one, invaded your face. Chibs just gave you your own time to say whatever caused it. And you did, in a lower voice, as if saying it aloud would make it not be real.

¨He actually stood up to her, he defended me¨, biting your lip, as much as you tried, did nothing to hide the stupid grin plastered on your face. And for the bare fucking minimum that is.

A look of respect crossed his face, eyebrows rising in surprise. Before saying anything else, he sipped his beer, letting the revelation sink in.

¨Did he now? That takes some serious balls¨. You nodded, looking down at your hands with that stupid lovesick look still on your face. 

Only then you realized, you´d been patching him up, he was beat and he´d need meds. ¨Hey you got some painkillers? Big guns, he's messed up¨.

His stare got serious for a second, going over what he had. After a few seconds he dug in the inside pocket of his kutte and handed you a plastic bag with around ten pills inside. As he opened his mouth to give you the indications, you got up, interrupting him. 

¨Bed rest, no alcohol, what else doc?¨. You felt like a student again, eagerly answering questions about what should be done with patients. 

A smirk played on his lips, wanting to get back at you for cutting him off. ¨I wouldn't encourage any `physical activities´ tonight, let the boy rest¨. Once again, the familiarity of being in a situation you´d been in a dozen times before stirred something inside you.

It was comforting in a way, it felt like home. 

And, as so many times in the past, you promised it wouldn't happen. The difference was that you meant it. Chibs´s knowing look followed you, he sensed the tension that still lingered between the two of you. He also knew you were more than capable of handling Jax, which meant he could go to bed and not give a fuck. At least for tonight.

You made your way to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water and looked around for something to eat. You were tired and not in the mood for cooking, or a full meal, but Jax needed to eat something. He'd try to resist, he was awfully stubborn and he hated depending on people.

It was ironic really, he got himself into needing to be looked after. There was chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer, so after grabbing two spoons, you made your way back to Jax´s room. 

Chibs was no longer by the bar when you passed by, so you breathed deep and continued on your way. The shower was still running as you set the ice cream and water on the bedside table. It had been a long time, Jax was most likely standing there, letting the hot water soothe his aching muscles. Instead of disturbing him, you decided to lay on the bed. You took off your shoes and closed your eyes, letting the hum of the shower relax you. 

After a good ten minutes the water stopped flowing, and shuffling sounds made their way to your ears.

Jax came out of the bathroom and stood on the doorway, honest surprise in his face at the sight in front of him. It had been a long time since you´d laid on his bed. 

Betting that he´d only be wearing a towel, you did not dare open your eyes, knowing the sight could be enough to send you into an early grave. His toned body wet, water dripping from his hair and beard onto his chest, down his abs, the towel low on his hips, a very visible happy trail,...

¨So you didn't fall down and drown¨, you simply stated.

Jax´s chuckle turned into a wince rather quickly, you furrowed your brows. You did not get a chance to ask how he was feeling when he retorted jokingly, ¨Managed to stay upright, darlin´, thanks for your concern¨.

You felt him sit by your feet at the end of the bed, you also heard him groan. Finally opening your eyes, you offered some help. ¨Need a hand? Getting dressed?¨. The forming bruises on his back looked weirdly good, complimenting his tattoo.

Your question was met with silence as he glanced down at his body, probably trying to figure out a way to do it on his own.

There wasn't one, he was battered and bruised.

Jax chuckled wryly, admitting defeat. ¨My arms are sore and my ribs are killing me¨.

Of course he wouldn't admit to needing help, god he was like a kid sometimes. So you stood up and walked to his closet, keeping the banter up to distract him.

¨What are you feeling? Casual chic? Eleganza extravaganza? Cocktail attire?¨. His dry laugh once again led to a wince, but his humour didn't falter, ¨I ain't´exactly feelin´up to a fashion show at the moment¨.

You shrugged, ¨As you like¨, grabbing grey sweatpants and a white shirt, ¨You ready?¨. He looked up at you when you made your way back to him, nodding slowly.

He took a deep breath as he sat straighter, ¨Ready as I´m gonna be¨. When he looked up at you, the vulnerability in his eyes got to your heart. You would've done anything to make him feel better, that had always been the issue. 

So you smiled at him, you couldn't help yourself. The cold nurse was long gone, you now were the girl that had fallen for him. Hard.

¨You´ve been worse, right? This is a walk in the park¨. Jax chuckled through the pain.

¨Been worse, I´ll give you that. A walk in the park might be an exaggeration¨, you caressed his shoulder as he kept talking, ¨I´m trying my best not to pass out and you´re here all smiles like you don't have a care in the world¨. 

¨You are what I care about right now¨. And before you could stop yourself, you were leaning in and pecking the side of his mouth. Sure, it wasn't a proper kiss, but still, what the fuck were you doing?

Jax was clearly caught off guard, and when you stepped back a smile was tugging at the corner you´d just pecked.

¨You can't just go around doin´ that¨, his voice was a bit hoarse, ¨I aint supposed to get excited right now, darlin´¨.

The fact that he was joking was a good sign, but had nothing to do with the smile lingering on your face. ¨Okay, whatever, you know it wasn't like that¨, you laughed, handing him the sweatpants.

You kept on bossing him around as you made your way back to his closet, ¨Put those on and I´ll help you with the shirt¨, you looked over your shoulder at the bruise on his ribs and muttered under your breath, ¨That´ll be trickier¨.

You paid more attention to his groans than the clothes you were picking to change into, and decided he was fine. As fine as he could, given the circumstances. 

Jax finally managed to get the sweatpants over his hips, not missing a chance to rile you up when he noticed what you were doing. ¨You´re not stealing my clothes when I am on the verge of death, are you?¨.

The amusement in his voice made you smile, ¨Well I'm not sleeping like this¨, you vaguely gestured to your dress.

He loved the idea of you sleeping next to him, wearing his clothes. ¨You could always sleep naked¨. He spoke low enough that you had to make an effort to hear him, turning around to see his grin. And that may have been a bad move, a flash of the past crossing your mind…Jax, giving you that same grin, from between your thighs. And over you. And pining you against a wall.

Somehow you managed to answer casually, not letting your true feelings show, ¨You´re not supposed to get excited, remember?¨.

¨´course I remember, it doesn't mean I can´t appreciate the view¨. Something more important than the banter between you came up, a pair of leggings. Not any pair, your favourite ones. The ones you hadn't been able to find since the breakup. ¨They were here all this time?¨.

Jax chuckled, knowing how much you loved them. ¨Dug ´em up a few months ago¨, the ghost of a smile danced on his face, ¨Looks like they found their way back to you¨.

You bit your lip, pleased with your finding, and pulled out a zip-up hoodie, ¨I think this will be easier to put on¨.

You walked up to him, ¨Okay let's go¨, and put his right arm through the sleeve. He didn't complain, so you did the other one. ¨Want me to zip it up?¨.

Jax just nodded, breathing through the pain in his ribs. 

When you were done, you opened his side of the bed, ¨Get in, I´ll be right back¨.

You watched as he slowly laid down, playfully pouting at you. ¨You really gonna leave me all alone?¨.

You hummed, ¨Yeah, give you some time to think about what you did¨. You heard his chuckle as you went in the bathroom and closed the door.

You changed into your leggings and the shirt you´d originally gotten for him and peeked in the mirror. You honestly looked way better than you expected, so you washed your face and took the fangs off. 

Jax looked up when he heard the doorknob twisted, and he had to stop himself from smiling when he saw you. His heart ached to have you back in his life. He nodded at the space next to him and you made your way over, grabbing the ice cream on the way. He didn't need to hear it to know you wanted him to eat something, even if he did not feel like it, so he took that to his advantage. He grabbed the ice cream and patted the bed next to him. ¨I´ll eat if you lay down with me¨.

You both knew you couldn't say no to him, so why even try? You sat down, handing Jax one of the spoons and burying your own on the ice cream tub. He kissed your temple, ¨Thanks for taking care of me, I know I can be stubborn¨.

Finally you accepted it , you were in too deep, and you didn't care. Come tomorrow morning, you might, you'd regret everything. ¨You really are insufferable, baby¨.

Both of your hearts jumped at the pet name, yet decided to play it nonchalant, focusing on the ice cream. 

¨I aint that bad, just a little stubborn is all¨. His playful grin was met with your incredulous one, ¨A bit-?¨.

He laughed, knowing he was an absolute ass at times, ¨Dont lie, you love it¨.

Shaking your head at his smugness, you handed him two pills.  ¨Please, knock yourself out¨.

A little while after taking them, Jax felt the pain starting to dull and his head getting drowsy. Still, he tried to stay awake, to enjoy five more minutes of your company. Even if that was just laying next to you while you ate the whole ice cream. 

¨You really think I´m that bad, huh?¨. He mumbled, a smile on his face.

You placed the empty container on the bedside table and laid on your side, looking at him. ¨Not at all¨, your voice was barely above a whisper.  

Jax´s eyelids were heavy, the meds really starting to work, you could tell he was making an effort to keep his eyes from closing. 

¨I'd hate to have you think I am an insufferable ass¨.

You´d already fucked up by ending in his bed, so what was another tiny mistake? You leaned in and softly kissed him, whispering against his lips. ¨Well yeah, but you´re my insufferable ass¨.

His heart skipped a beat, he gently kissed you, one of his hands softly grazing your hip. ¨Damn you¨. What he wanted to damn, more than you, was the effect you still had on him.

You bumped your nose against his, teasing him. ¨Nice thing to say after I took care of you¨.

He snorted, now laying on his back. ¨You know what I mean¨, he gave you a lazy smile, ¨Not fair, kissin´me when I'm high and can't do nothin´about it¨.

He looked relaxed from the side, you could tell he was almost asleep, ¨You got bigger things to worry about¨.

The ever-present smirk on his face did not falter, ¨Do I now, like what?¨.

God, how he managed to still be so cocky you would never understand. You were a close second though, only giving him a pointed look for an answer. And he knew what you meant, of course he did, but how could he not tease you a little?

He put the best innocent facade he could muster before side eyeing you, ¨You´re gonna have to be a little more specific, darlin´¨.

You just laughed under your breath, ¨What a fucking ass¨.

He was a sucker for you, living for moments like these, living for you. ¨Aren't you supposed to be nursing me back to health?¨, you were scooting closer before you knew it, ¨And here I thought you were doing it because you care about me or somethin´¨.

¨Oh my god how long do these meds take to work¨, you playfully teased, ¨There are no laws against insulting you while I heal you, baby¨.

¨You´re a real piece of work, y´know that?¨, he was slurring, the pills finally getting to him. 

You just shushed him, caressing his face, ¨Sleep now¨.

Jax could barely fight it, but he found the strength to ask you one last thing. ¨You´re not gonna disappear on me while I sleep, are you?¨.

You didn't let yourself think about it for too long before reassuring him that you'd stay. He finally fell into a deep, medicated sleep. When the stress was finally gone, you realized how tired you actually felt. It did not take long for you to close your eyes and drift off next to him.

About six hours later, a pair of blue eyes slowly opened under furrowed brows. The first thing Jax had felt when consciousness returned to him had been pain. It wouldve been very romantic that you were the first thing on his mind, sure, but that´s just not how life works sometimes. 

The ribs on his left side, his fists, the back of his head, it was as if every single part of him was hurting.

Your stirring finally reminded him of…well, everything that had happened. Its not that he didnt remember what had happened, but considering he hit his head Jax just assumed it had been a dream. 

It hadn´t though.

You looked peaceful, the ghost of a smile gracing your lips. You´d looked beautiful last night, but this was better. No worry lines on your face, no furrowed brows, just a smile. 

Cute as this moment was, his body had other plans. Jax slowly sat up, trying not to wake you. It was hard, even through his gritted theet, he could not help but groan. 

You rubbed your eyes, barely able to get words out of yourself. ¨Hey, hey, hey don´t move¨.

All his feelings of gratitude and desire to prove he was a better man were quickly overrun by annoyance at his own aching body, ¨I know¨, his back was facing you. 

¨But I gotta piss¨. His voice was rough and a little aggressive, you just sighed and laid back on the bed.

The blond may not have evolved, but you sure had. You matched his passive aggression and just stayed there, eyes closed, pretending to sleep. Some time ago, you´d have force fed him painkillers and treated him carefully, but that wasnt you anymore. Not the sober you anyways.

So, after a couple tries, he had no choice but to ask for your assistance. ¨Help me up?¨. A few second of deafening silence. ¨Please¨.

Your lips stil sealed and half asleep, you went to his side and let him use you as a crouch. Jax heavily leaned on you, trying hard to keep silent. Determined to pretend he was fine. 

There was a flaw on his plan, he needed your help to make it to the bathroom.

Based on experience this was just his body warming up, after a little movement he´d be all right on his own. Almost.

¨Feels like a truck run me over¨, he tried to joke. Too late. His shitty morning attitude had bothered you so you kept quiet. 

That was until you were halfway to the bathroom and all of his weight was on you. Risking his mood worsening, you asked. ¨Want me to get one of the boys?¨.

That struck a nerve, someone seeing him weak? No way. He tensed up and stopped walking. 

¨I can do it myself¨, you could barely hear him through his gritted teeth. 

You scoffed and urged him to keep moving. He played it tough, stubborn as he was. Anyone could´ve been able to tell that he was in a lot of pain.

Jax looked at your face for the first time as he leaned on the doorframe, his voice was soft when he spoke, even if his words were not. ¨I can take it from here¨.

Raising your hands in surrender, you took a step back. Your voice was cold when you said he had more pills on the bedside table.

You left, mad at him, mad at you. Mad. Just plain mad. 

The biker grunted, closing the door and leaning on the sink, knowing he had pissed you off. He did look like shit, pale skin and tired eyes. Jax cursed under his breath, he couldn´t bear the thought of anyone seeing him like this, not even you. 

Especially not you.

That´s something you´d never truly quite grasped. It wasnt so much a macho thing, not with you. When it came to you, it wasnt about bravado. It was about making someone he loved suffer, the hurt in your eyes when they went over his bruises, … A hurt he did not know how to comfort. 

You made your way to the kitchen, expecting it to be empty. If the beginning of the morning had been bad, what would come after was way worse. Gemma was sitting down, having coffee, and you couldn´t stop the groan that crossed your lips. Not that you tried.

Gemma smiled slyly, the battle you´d won the prior night fresh in her mind. Fake sweetness laced her voice as you made your way to the coffee maker, ¨Well, well, look who it is¨.

¨Yeah, yeah¨. You didnt even bother wasting energy on her, knowing you´d need it with her hot headed son. 

She sipped her coffee as you put sugar on your own. Her sharp eyes studied your every move, looking for the perfect way to get under your skin, to gather the information she needed. 

If you hadnt known her, you´d have thought the concern in her voice was sincere. 

¨You look tired, sweetheart¨.

Again, no fight in you, everything about you was neutral, even your tone. ¨He just woke up¨, you dryly added.

She wanted to know what had happened, where your relationship stood. You wanted to erase the past night from your brain. 

Gemma´s eyes gleamed as she sensed the tension coming off of you. There was no doubt as far as whose fault that was.

¨And how is he?¨. You sat up on the counter, leaning your head back against the cabinets. ¨You know how he is¨.

 She just smirked, sipping from her mug. ¨Stubborn as a damn mule¨.

Silently, you nodded. Eyes closed, head thrown back, you almost felt calm. Almost. The matriarch studied you quietly. Had your eyes been open you would have seen something close to pride on them.

Gemma herself had never been able to pinpoint what exactly she disliked about you. Because it was not you . Your personality, she liked, you were fiery. You could handle her son and you perfectly managed with the rest of the men of the club. Had she been honest with herself, you were too good for this life, it dimmed your light. She had seen you around town with your friends, you looked happier when you didn´t have a criminal to worry about constantly.

She rested her forearms on the table, cocking her head as she spoke. ¨Can I ask you something?¨.

There was no spite in her words, and her face seemed softer than you could remember ever seeing it.

For a second you played with the idea of her liking you, being there for you when Jax was being an immature jerk or putting himself in danger. You quickly dismissed it, it wouldn´t do you any good to dwell on that. 

You sounded almost playful when you answered, ¨I have a feeling youre gonna ask anyways¨.

She chuckled, you both knew each other all too well to be playing this game. ¨Why are you back?¨.

Once again, no bite behind her question, just plain curiosity. You straightened your position on the counter so you could have a proper conversation. ¨Whats your point?¨. No bite didn´t mean you were friends of course, you were still weary.

¨Jax´s better off without you¨, her face betraed her, she did not believe her own words. Your brows furrowed, defending her son was a pivotal point of Gemma. ¨You two arent good for each other…¨.

It felt like she was holding something back, yet you couldnt figure out what it could possibly be. Gemma´s voice was soft as silk when she finished her sentence, ¨…he makes you into something you´re not¨.

She quickly went back to her usual demeanour, leaning back on her chair, ¨You know it and so do I¨.

It somehow felt like you were walking into something, but not a trap, not exactly. You moved from your spot on the counter to a chair in front of Gemma, and took a sip of coffee before giving into whatever was happening. 

¨What´s that supposed to mean? He makes me into something I´m not?¨. You knew, you agreed, and your eyes reflected it.

But this could not be played as a bonding moment between the two of you, neither of you were ready to navigate that type of relationship. Or even wanted to, for that matter.

¨My boy turns you into a mess, all upset and emotional¨, she eyed your face up and down, ¨exhausted¨. 

Well, yeah, you were stressing over Jax, you´d done that for the whole time you´d dated. What else were you supposed to do when your boyfriend was VP of a literal gang? You worry, that's what you do.

On the other hand, she was right and you couldnt deny it. He turned you into an unstable version of yourself, a not-so-cheery you, … No one could deny that after the initial shock when the breakup happened, you´d had a glow up. It wasnt something physical, it was all of you. You were relaxed, you were happier. Even if you missed Jax and the bad days felt like absolute shit. But that was normal after losing someone important in your life, not a sign that you truly wanted to get back with him.

Gemma could see the turmoil of doubt in your eyes, and maye a little bit of her in you? Getting pregnant had played an important part on her staying with her first husband, but what would´ve happened if she hadn´t? And what would happen to you if you stayed? She knew how the club corrupted everyone it touched, and you had managed to escape that once.  Would you be lucky enough to do it twice?

She got up and, before leaving, she added, ¨You already spend your days nursing people back to health¨. You didnt need to be doing it as an extracurricular activity too…

Alone in the kitchen, you finished your coffee, a million thoughts racing in your head. It got too much and you needed space from anything to do with the club. Rushing to the room, you mentally checked where you had left your clothes and purse the night before. 

The room was not empty, he was in the bed. It didnt take long to notice he was asleep. Thank god. 

The pills were nowhere to be seen, so he would not wake up. You hopped in the shower, the hot water numbing your thoughts. Alone in the bathroom, Gemma´s words resonated with you. You forcefully tried to stop that train of thought when your heart started to beat faster and faster. 

Somewhere deeep inside you, you wanted to push Jax away, to protect yourself. He still had a grip on your heart, but that only meant he could still hurt you. What had happened last night after all? What had happened this morning?

You dried yourself and put your leggings back on, the shirt still smelling like Jax when it went over your head. You pretended it didn´t affect you. You grabbed a gym bag from Jax´s closet and put all of your things inside it.

The tought that leaving with so much of his stuff would probably mean at least another call did cross your mind. You ,ade quick work of banishing it as you strapped your heels.

Jax looked innocent when he was sleeping, no tension on his face, you placed a final kiss on his cheek. A goodbye? You did not know. 

You chuckled when you saw your outfit on the mirror, the true definition of a walk of shame.

Breathing deeply, you looked at him one last time, and walked out. On your way to look for a taxi, you ccame across Gemma.

No words were exanged, but your eyes said enough. For both of you. It was never about hatred. 

Anxiety swarmed your mind as you exited the Sons´ property, would you ever be sure that this had been the right decision? 

[testingthewatersss]

One day I'll get a request and keep it short, but uh, not today because this could've easily been a series. Under 4k is good for me though, so that's a win.This is my first time consciously shooting for a G/N reader in a long time so, bare with me.

Floodgates Usual Winter Solider context warnings but this is pretty tame tbh Bucky Barnes x G/N Reader Imagine 3830 words Fluff, mild angst. 18+ MDNI Requests open for a while via messages check masterpost for updated availability.

Everybody knows that Bucky is touch-starved. It's the unspoken truth that's used by everyone to excuse his irritable demeanour. It's the reason why nobody minds leaving the common rooms empty when he passes out on the couch in the middle of the day and Steve doesn't let Sam jab at him too much for how sweet he is on you. 

The hope that had flourished when you'd made your relationship a little more public was quickly dying out though. When all the inhabitants noticed that Barnes was still a grouch. If anything, he was more jumpy when people got too close. 

It was Bruce who suggested that the reason might be that the only person who didn't understand this blatant link between being kept isolated for the better part of a century and not tolerating mundane forms of contact might be Bucky.

After a lot of hushed discussion, Natasha was the one who decided to address it. Not being able to stand the undercurrent of gossip, but also not wanting to provoke any kind of intense reaction, she bided her time and cornered you. 

"Does Barnes know he needs some skin on skin, or is he still takin' the long way round figuring it out?"

Coffee catches in your throat. You're in a Starbucks, you've just run a stupid 5k route that you hadn't wanted to and she's asking you this, now?

"Of course, he knows" You reply after a beat, "I mean, we all know, but he really knows."

She looks unsurprised, offers you a brown sugar packet and sits back on her stool. 

"You know, couples-"

"Are you about to give me a sex talk?" you cut her off, humour making your lip quirk, "Please do not give me a sex talk"

"I wasn't talking about sex, we all know you're havin' plenty of that-"

You scoff at her, not bothering to ask how or why that's a topic of discussion at all. 

"-I know exactly what you're talking about..." you decide to say, tone a little more serious now, "...It's delicate, Nat"

"That's why I'm talking to you" she replies, "I want to stop hearin' about it, and the only way I can get Rodgers to stop talkin' is to stop him from worryin' and the only way to do that is give him something."

You consider her words for a moment before nodding. 

"He knows, I know- We all know, but it's difficult for him and I am not going to rush him into anything" You tell her, "but that doesn't mean I'm not keepin' an eye, and for what it's worth, he's gettin' better with the whole thing."

"His attitude didn't seem better this mornin'-" she counters from behind her paper cup, "He nearly Wilson put through a wall-"

"-for trying to get him to go to a couples therapist with Steve." You remind her smugly, "He told me all about it."

It's her turn to scoff then. 

"Any other personal things you want to ask me?" you press, half a challenge. She grins before making her expression intensely serious-

"So, about the sex-"

You don't linger in the cafe for long, and you definitely don't run back. You call a cab, much to Romanoff's dismay. The break from the serious atmosphere of the tower has done wonders for her mood though, and by the time you make it home your arms are ladened with bags. Fast food for everyone and clothes and some new kind of tablet thing that Tony had insisted he can turn into a portable holo-deck.

Bucky is waiting in your suite. 

The second you see him the conversation you'd had about his attitude seems ridiculous. 

He beams up at you so wide that he gets creases by his eyes, and all he can do is chatter about everything that's happened since you left.

Steve annoyed him by out-lapping him on their run. 

Wilson annoyed him, by well, breathing apparently. 

He's finally figured out how to fix the dishwasher, so he doesn't have to call maintenance anymore, and he's finished packing his bag for the mission he's leaving on in the morning, and, he tells you proudly- he's made dinner. 

It's some kind of soup, at least, you think it's meant to be a soup. But, whatever it is, it's good. And he's still smiling as you wash the dishes, bumping his hip against yours when you make a snarky comment about him still not using the dishwasher he's so proud of fixing.

And then he gets quiet. 

You're sitting together on the couch, the same way you have been for hours, with your legs barely touching but with his warm, flesh fingers wound tightly through yours. You think about asking why he's suddenly turned mute, but then you notice the time. 

"When do you leave?" You ask, stroking the back of his palm with your thumb.

"Four" he mumbles unhappily, giving your palm the lightest squeeze, "You're stayin' here, right doll? You're gonna wait for me?"

You laugh silently, pulling your legs up beside you to curl into his side. 

"Don't I always?" you tease, grinning as he reaches over with his metal hand, guiding your lips to his. 

"I'll be back before ten" He promises, "Steve promises"

"Oh, does he?" you murmur, lips still ghosting his, "You know he's driving Natasha crazy"

He quirks a brow, even so, close to his face you can see curiosity shining behind his eyes. 

"Aparently you're a jerk because I don't give you enough skin on skin"

He rolls his eyes, laughing as your fingers find his cheek.

The second you actually touch him, though- the laughter dies. He has to focus all of his energy on not moaning at the contact. 

You feel him tense and lessen the pressure, letting him move instead, pressing another kiss against your lips as he goes back to looking at you, this time, though, there's nothing but adoration behind the blue. 

"you do plenty" he whispers, before moving quickly, standing and pulling you up with him, carrying you effortlessly, "I'm fine."

"I know" You hear yourself agree, although you think he'll hear the doubt in your tone, "But- if you do ever want something, you know I'm here, right?"

What Bucky wants he thinks, is totally irrelevant. 

He wants to lay in your lap for hours, he wants to fall asleep and stay that way for hours because your fingers are in his hair. He wants to cry and not have to hide in a shower to do it. But you deserve better.

You deserve normal.

As normal as he can give you anyway. 

Not that that's much, but he can't control that he reminds himself sternly, what he can control, however, is this.

He can keep the floodgates closed. He can do what he does best and keep it down. 

He can make do with fleeting points of contact. With your hand in his, and your body in the same bed. The warmth of you is more than enough. You being there, smiling safe and lovely is more than enough. 

And when he places you on the soft mattress and watches you start to tangle yourself with the covers, he's once again certain that that is all he needs. 

What would I say, anyway? he thinks sadly, taking his place on the side of the bed that always seems too cold, How could I even bring that up without openin' a whole can of worms? 

His cheeks burn hot with embarrassment, and as he thinks tragically about how much he wants to just reach out and feel you, his eyes start to sting.

"You doin' alright, sweetheart?" you ask, already knowing that he's not. He nods though and forces a smile you recognise. 

"Tired" he mumbles unconvincingly. 

Before his cheeks can get any more pink, you decide to smile back. It works to settle him. So does the way you reach out to take his hand again. 

"I'll try not to wake you up" he promises quietly, "I'll see you tomorrow night"

"Tonight" You correct, looking over at the clock on his nightstand, "It's 1, you're leavin' in 3 hours, you better try and get some rest."

You don't know whether he does or not. He's gone when you wake up, reaching out for the fingers you normally fall asleep holding. He's left a note, telling you he loves you, and that he'll see you soon. And you tell FRIDAY to send him a message wishing him luck. When you don't get a reply, you decide to keep yourself busy. You order a delivery of food, which Bucky needs more than he realises, the state of his small built-in kitchen is shameful it's at best and depressing at its worst. 

In all fairness, a punnet of pulmbs, some milk, 2 carrots and half a loaf of bread is far from that- but still. A stock-up isn't going to hurt anything.

And then you still haven't heard, and the tower is creepy when it's empty. 

Like a school at night, you muse, walking through the walls, chattering to FRIDAY just to have some background noise.

Aside from assuring you that everyone's vital signs are fine, she can't actually do much to distract you, so in the end, you abandon her too and settle for sitting in your suite, on the bed, exactly where Bucky had left you. 

You fall asleep reading and only wake up when you hear the door click open. You beam, rubbing tiredness from your eyes as you wait expectantly for him to come in and greet you. 

He doesn't though. You can hear movement but it's not coming towards you, so you decide to just go to it instead.

"Hi, sweetheart-"

Your happy greeting dies as soon as you see him. Flushed with adrenaline, and tugging at his belt, which is still laden with grenades. When he finally rips it free, tossing it to the floor with such reckless abandon that you can't help but cringe, you walk towards him. 

He's pulling at his vest now. Metal fingers pulling desperately at the straps that hold it in place, growing more and more frustrated as he can't quite get them loose-

"Here" you whisper, hating the look of anguish he's wearing, "Let me help"

His arm snarls as you reach out to replace his fingers with your own. But to his great surprise, you don't even flinch. You just hush out a soft breath and guide the metal palm away. 

"You're fine" you promise, seeing the way he's relenting. 

His brow meets the window as he leans against it, both arms falling lamely to his sides as he focuses on breathing. 

On staying still and not just taking off running until his legs give way beneath him. 

"You're back late" you muse, flicking a glance at the wall, where the time is being projected by what you're assuming is Tony's version of a wall clock.

11: 33

"Not too late though, huh?" you continue, knowing he likes the background noise, "Is anyone hurt?"

Bucky gives a short shake of his head. 

It hurts. The movement sends daggers through his eyes. But still, he bites his tongue and tries to keep still.

He needs the vest off. He needs the layers of heavy, bulletproof padding, gone. He needs to not feel like he's dressed for battle, and he needs the ringing in his head to stop.

"Just you then" you murmur, more to yourself than to him.

"'m fine" he mutters, knowing you won't argue- especially since it's exactly what you've just told him.

You hum in quiet disagreement instead. Tugging the last of the straps free before letting the rough weighted vest fall to the ground with a dull thud that makes you wonder if you should've checked it for explosives first. 

"Better?" 

Your voice cuts through the pulsing in his ears, making him hyper-aware of the way he's still resting his head against the cool glass of a window of all things. 

Is it better? he thinks, rolling his shoulders unhappily. 

"Yeah" he murmurs, "Yeah, thank you, sugar"

And then he turns to you, wearing the fakest smile you've ever seen, and you can't help but reach out and stroke his cheek. 

He flinches. He physically recoils back into the glass with a look so sad that you miss the false grin. 

"They-uh" he coughs, embarrassment burning through his chest, "They shouted my words out through a speaker" he confesses, "I- I probbaly shouldn't even be here- Steve, Tony, they all, all say I'm okay, but I- I might... I, I just wanted to see you"

Your phone is already in your hand. Typing frantic questions to Natasha, to Tony and Steve and feeling your whole chest relax as replies start flooding in. 

The words are deactivated, as deactived as they can be, anyway. He's not a danger, not that a different answer to that question would've changed anything, and everyone knows where he is. When he'd bolted from the Quinn-jet in irritable silence, the entire team had let him go because they knew exactly where he was going, and considering the fact that he's physically uninjured, fighting to get him to go to Med-bay would've been a waste of everyone's energy. 

They still might've tried, in fact, Steve definitely would've tried, if they hadn't all been exhausted already. 

When you look back up at him, your heart cracks straight down the middle.

He's just, waiting. 

Eyes closed, brow on the glass,with his breath making it fog up by his face. 

His back is heaving too, shining in the dim lights of the room. His back is shaking like he's crying, but his jaw is locked tight. 

"What do you need, huh?" you wonder softly, not moving to touch him again, "Sweet, sweet boy- you got off that plane, and you ran- you ran all the way here, and then you stopped in here, why?"

His eyes flicker open, red and sore. 

"I" he swallows, "I had to get it off"

You quirk your head, not understanding, and then you see the vest by his boots and nod. 

"It hurts" he mutters to himself, "It's always hurt. I needed it off"

You know he's not talking to you, but you nod all the same, hoping that it might at the very least encourage him to keep his eyes open.

And then you realise what he's saying, and you can't keep quiet anymore.

"What hurts?" you ask softly.

His cheeks are hot again. He knows that he's embarrassed. That he should be, that it's right that he's burning with shame, but with the way his head is splintering he really doesn't care.

"The vest," he tells you quietly, "My skin, it- uh...it's always... the scars they uh... I- I needed to get it off..."

He looks at you, expecting to see a hint of something. Disgust, maybe? Or pity. What he doesn't expect, is the way you just nod again, expression understanding as you inch closer towards him. 

He bites back a whimper, using all the strength he has left to not just collapse in your arms. 

Keep the floodgates closed.

"Its off..." you remind him mildly, "Your home, it's off... so, what else do you need?"

Bucky blinks, sniffing to try and stop tears from forming as he stares at you.

And then, he hears you sigh, and his chest tightens so much that he can't catch a breath. 

A sigh is never good. He thinks. He's done it. He's finally done it. He's done something that has made you realise he's a lost cause. 

He's the lost cause. 

But, when he forces himself to look back at you, wanting to memorise your face before you leave his world forever, no matter how painful it is, he sees you smiling. Leaning against the window, only inches away from him. 

"I want to help" you promise softly.

A disbelieving scoff bubbles up through the tightness of his throat, and for a second, you think he looks like himself again. Even if he's a little rough around the edges.

"You did..." Bucky reminds you quietly, "I couldn't get it off, and you helped me"

The urge to roll your eyes at his gratitude is quickly tempered by the genuine affection in his tone. You settle for nodding instead. 

"So what else do you need?"

This time, when your hand meets his face he shivers. Feeling something deep in his chest snap as he starts to lean back into the contact. 

"C-could you..." he gulps, desperately shy now, "God, doll- could you just, touch my hair?"

"Your hair" you murmur, love drenching every word as you slowly trail your fingers up past his temple, stroking through the tangled length so gently he wants to scream. 

"Please" he shudders, "don't pull-"

His frantic request chokes off incomplete, the heat in his cheeks making his jaw lock petulently.

"You don't like havin' your hair pulled?" you muse, tone light in contrast to his, "Noted."

"Does anyone?" he wonders bravely, adjusting to the slow, trailing warmth across his head.

You laugh at that, further coaxing him out of his embarrassment.

"Sure they do, Buck," you tell him conversationally, "people like all kinds of things..."

He's melting. He's sure he's physically melting into your fingers. Into the gentle tug and pull, into the wonderful, brilliant sting of human contact.

All you hear is the softest hum. It's content though, so you take it as a win. 

"So since this definitely a winner..." you drawl, bringing your free hand down to his, letting him grasp your fingers in reflex, "What else do you like?"

The part of his brain that isn't purring like a cat, stuttering to a halt at your question. His eyes focus, as he blinks at you, face full of such total adoration that you feel like you should probably look away, but he's so beautiful that you can't quite manage it. 

"You"

That makes you laugh, small and flattered as you shake your head.

"You've got me, Barnes." You remind him lightly, "If we could be doin' anything, anythin' in the world, right now what would we be doin?"

The smile he gives you then is the most precious one he's ever worn. Your whole body flushes with affection as he chuckles silently reaching up and pressing a kiss against the back of your hand, as you scratch your free knuckles against the back of his head.

"I have no idea" he mumbles honestly.

Your brow quirks, before you move, pivoting and opening your arms to coax him in.

He freezes, staring at you with longing as he offers a sad shake of his head-

"I can't- darlin'-" he stammers nervously, "I want to- I- I really- I-"

"You" he hears you whisper, "can do whatever you like."

He shakes his head again, stubborn this time.

"Not that" he mumbles, "Not to you"

"To me" you repeat, curious.

His lips tighten and then part, breath shallow as your thumb finds his cheek.

"I won't be able to stop" he explains, voice quiet like he's sharing a secret, "If I start, I won't ever be able to stop and you- you're-you're everythin' to me and I- I can't put that on you- because I really- I mean it- I don't-"

Your head is already shaking, your arms are moving, pulling him into your chest. 

"I don't think I'll ever be able to stop" Bucky feels his words melting into your shoulder, he feels the heat of your body against his. His bare chest burning against the thin fabric of your vest. The feeling of your skin against his threatening to make his knees buckle. "I- I won't be able to stop"

You shake your head, hushing him as his resistance fades away to nothing. As he goes pliant in your arms, head falling to the crook of your neck. 

"I'm sorry" he whispers, "I'm so sorry"

"You're never listen" You mumble in reply, letting his hand go so that you can hold him tight against your front, "I just told you, sweetheart..."

Bucky pulls away just enough to look at you, and when you see tears brimming in his eyes, you can't help but hush him again, noting the way his hands are wound tight into the fabric you're wearing. 

His lower lip pouts, he tries to avert his gaze but it doesn't work. He just can't manage to tear his eyes away from you. From the way you're looking at him, full of affection. Full of patience and kindness and-

"Didn't I just tell you, huh?" you murmur, smiling a little again, "You've got me"

He blinks, still not understanding. 

So you do the only thing you can. 

You kiss him. You kiss him until he pulls back, until he dips back down into your arms, tired and aching and pressing his own kisses against the skin of your throat.

"I'm not goin' anywhere" You remind him gently, "We don't ever have to stop"

We don't ever have to stop.

Your sweet words rattle through his mind all the way to the bedroom. 

If it weren't for the aching in his knees and the awful cold of the room now that he's not hidden in your front, he might not've even noticed the journey. 

He's too tired, now. His head aches, and his adrenaline is well and truly shot. But the hope of you, of more of the wonderful warmth of you, is more than enough to keep him moving through it. 

I've done worse for less, he reminds himself with every wounded step. 

We don't ever have to stop.

And then there's the bed. The edge of the bed against his calves, and he knows his hands are free and that he should be doing something but he can't think of what, no matter how hard he tries.

You remind him, your hands on his belt, your feet nudging his boots so he remembers to kick them free before finally lowering himself onto the covers.

For a minute the familiar coolness jars him. His head spins and throbs and pulses and then, 

and then your fingers are back in his hair. Your arms are wrapped around him, and all he can feel is warmth. 

Warmth and pressure building behind his eyes. Incredible pressure that finally spills free as his eyes overflow. As he surrenders and clings onto your back with all the strength he has left, and cries.

He sobs, silently at first, tears melting into your chest as you stroke his back. Whispering soothing words that you know he can't hear. Letting him finally just be. 

And then, he's asleep. And so are you, a tangle of limbs and covers and heat. The kind of heat that makes you drowsy, that makes Bucky drowsy. 

Drowsy enough to sleep through whatever nightmares were bound to have been triggered by the missions, drowsy enough to keep him that way for hours in a row. And when he does wake up, for the first time in... well, a long time- he's smiling.

[usmsgutterson]

I think I might have fallen in love- realization fics! Fics with this prompt can be the realization of anything--a characters imminent death, the moment wherein someone realizes they've been betrayed, or they can be super fluffy and detail the moment a character realizes they're in love, the moment where they realize they can see a future with the reader--perhaps one that entails settling down or one that involves leaving the past behind--, the moment where they realize that they want to marry them! Anything goes with this prompt, and I'll write 1-5k words using it!

OKAY- what about nikolai x reader. and it's where he realizes he wants to marry her. maybe r thinks of a solution to some matter of state and he watches in awe how she handles the questions and gets the other's attention. and he's just like "yep. i'm gonna make her my bride" or something like that :)

Motion- N.L x fem! reader

okay, hi! This came out a bit later than I meant for it to--I decided a few weeks ago to plan out a duology to try to complete during NaNoWriMo and that took up a lot of my headspace, where trying to make sure my mental health was on track and I was breathing in something other than stale apartment air took up the rest of it. However, I am so sorry for how late this is coming out regardless!

On another note, my requests close next friday! They close at 11:30 pm AST (which is around 7:30 PST) and hopefully, what remains of my requests will be done by that point. Fall event requests are open until the second and my holiday event will come out sometime between the 24th of November and the 1st of December.

Fic type- fluff

Warnings- none

You and Nikolai were sitting in a meeting, debating with the Grisha triumvirate and several other relevant court members who sat in on Ravkas ever growing list of issues. You'd thrummed your way from matters of inter-palace discontent through matters of civilian discontent and you were up to matters of state.

Nikolai was getting bored watching everyone bicker, each of them trying to stop one another from getting a word in, but you looked as though you'd just gotten started. Nikolai could've sworn you were smirking slightly as you watched Zoya snap at a general, ready to throw a gust of wind at him--one so powerful that it knocked him through the meeting room wall--and barely managing to restrain herself. You looked as though, despite the fact that you weren't Grisha, you were ready to do the same thing.

Genya looked ready to tailor someone into a very ugly version of themself and David simply looked as though he wanted to go back to his work, like he was mad at the fact of his obligations as a member of the triumvirate for pulling him away from it.

"And before you start, Novikov," you started. Nikolai turned his attention to you, smile on his face. "Let me talk my way through this, yeah? You start talking and you might find yourself unable to fill your britches because you simply don't know enough. It's not a matter of the people--it's a matter of the funds we're able to allocate to the cities. If we can allocate enough to cities both big and small then we're setting ourselves up for an economic boom that starts at the big cities, moves to the small ones. It moves to the towns, and from the towns it moves back to us."

"How do you expect Ravka of all places to be able to do such a thing?" Novikov asks, bushy eyebrows furrowed at your suggestion.

"We can get tourists in," you said. "Ravka is broke--that is absolutely not a surprise to anyone in this room. However, to appeal to those who can only afford to take one vacation a year we advertise the cities. The ones with good-quality but still cheap hotels, honest working parents and saintstales as old as the country itself."

"And what of the rich folks?" David asked. "I mean--we can't advertise Ravka for tourism without aiming somewhere that will actually make a difference one trip on, can we?"

"Palace tours," you said. "The Grand Palace--we can make it a tourist spot Friday through Monday, twelve hours, with options for individual touring, group touring, or guided versions of the same. I'll be a bloody guide if I need to, but I know that there are people somewhere who are passionate about Ravkas history to be willing to volunteer their time."

'And how long is this going to take to pay off our debts?" Novikov asked. "I mean--nobody will go for it if it takes us longer than a decade."

"If it takes us longer than a decade, the youngest of us in the room have a chance at seeing it in the last year or two before we hit forty," Genya said. "Nikolai is twenty-four at the current, which means it would take sixteen years if it were to be such a strenuous plan."

"It's not," You said. "Tours of the palace will take two hours going at a slow pace if my walks of the Grand Palace are to have proved anything. If we get six volunteers, then that's one to cover every tour everyday. Ticket prices can be set at 20 coin for a general admission, 10 for children and fifteen for seniors. Max the group allowance at groups of ten and that ranges from 100-200 coin just off the gate. Take that and multiply it by six, and we have 600-1200 coin going back into the coffers of those to whom Ravka is indebted. It'll be volunteer based because the saints know we cannot afford to pay the guides but I would do a twelve hour workday just to prove that my idea is the right move."

"And what benefits could we offer in place of wages?"

"A hot meal when shifts are done, a room at the Little Palace and food by an irrefutable line of direction. We could also put them on palace staffing lists officially so they'd at least be making the minimum wage, but I think that such would constitute as fraudulent somewhere."

Nikolai was deep in thought when you brought up that last point, but with one squeeze from your hand he was back to reality.

"If they would be willing to take a room in the Little Palace for the duration of time during which tours take place, then it wouldn't violate any laws--they'd be working within the palaces, allowing their placement onto the palace staff."

"What is your estimate on how long it would take?" Novikov asked. "On how long the combination of marketing the cities and the palace tours would take to pay off our debts and refill the war treasury?"

Nikolai had been looking at you how he always did--like you were the love of his life. As he watched you answer what both of you had hoped tto be Novikovs last question, he came to a realization.

"A minimum of five years," you said. "And that is with the tours going all year round. If we could have the tours going daily it would probably still be the same such estimate--we're more than one million kruge in debt with Kerch, double that with Novyi Zem, Novikov. The process for clearing Ravka of it's debts is not something that will be instantaneous unless you're willing to sell your home and give the funds to the cause? According to reports I've seen, your home could have us reasonably jumped forward if you sell it for it's maximum monetary value?"

Nikolai could see it right in front of him--two years from then, a ceremony. Watching you walk down the isle, a coronation where you were crowned as queen. A life as your husband, a life with you as his wife.

He glanced at the ring finger on his left hand--it was looking awfully bare, but if you said yes when Nikolai proposed, which he decided he would do right then, it would not look bare for the rest of his life.

"All in favor?" Nikolai asks, giving your hand a squeeze as the thought solidifies itself fully in his mind.

I am going to make her my bride.

Everyone, including a rather embarrassed Novikov, said "I" and you grinned victoriously.

Your plan was barely in motion, but it was starting to gain traction still. As Nikolai pressed a kiss to your cheekbone and the two of you moved to leave the meeting room, the same could be said of his.

[yujikuna]

Bea, tell me about Kags and why you love him. Help me fall in love with him. I think I’m right at the edge because I see you post about him so much lol

KAIT. kait. my beloved kageyama. he is so dear to my heart and soul. when i think about kageyama i think of like, the most pure and simple love imaginable in all aspects of his life.

i think, as a character, one of my favorite parts about kageyama is getting to seeing him grow as a person through doing the thing he loves most which makes sense because for kageyama, volleyball is THE most important thing to him. it's his life. like it really truly is. from the time he could hold onto a volleyball it has been so ingrained into every inch of his life that he really doesn't know what to do without it. which makes his time at kitagawa daiichi so much sadder to think about for me.

kageyama just... loves so deeply and purely to me? but he's someone who definitely doesn't know how to show that love and he comes off as harsh and abrasive (which he is at first glance) and that's why he's one of the most misunderstood hq characters imo. but i think that that pure love he has for what few things he DOES love comes out in the sacrifices he makes and his willingness to shoulder every burden in order to keep them. kageyama loves volleyball SO MUCH that as a child, he would completely forgo getting the game winning service ace just because he didn't want to stop playing.

and as he gets older, we know that he struggles with expressing himself, and we know that he starts to lose the person who he felt like understood him the most. and he gets to that stage in volleyball where it’s no longer “oh i’ll mess up this serve so the game will last longer” but “if i don’t do everything i can to win this very game then i don’t get to do the one thing i love anymore.” and that mentality is both one of kageyama’s greatest assets but the thing that ends up causing him SO much pain because the poor guy just... didn’t know how to communicate his motivations effectively.

so kageyama sacrificing a few serves in elementary school ended up turning into middle school him feeling like if HE wasn’t the one to do absolutely everything, if HE wasn’t the one to push the people around him to be the best, to match HIM, because he knew his own talent, then he wouldn’t be able to play anymore. which as we know, backfired spectacularly, and ended up with him being pulled from the game at a time where volleyball was the only thing he felt like he had. he had no friends, he didn’t have a rival like he wanted because oikawa just hated his guts and didn’t even want to play with him, he didn’t have his grandpa, and he didn’t have volleyball. my poor baby. 

but this is why his time at karasuno and with hinata is so important and wonderful and amazing because they taught him that just because he has the ABILITY to do everything, he really really can’t because that’s not how you play volleyball!! but something really interesting happens because kageyama TRIES to not be the “king of the court” and he TRIES to be a goody two shoes like atsumu said he was, but that’s not who he is. because he’s a really damn good volleyball player, and he’s a setter for a reason. so kageyama’s volleyball goes from “i’ll sacrifice a few serves to play longer” to “i’ll do whatever i can to push the people around me no matter what so that i can stay on the court the longest” to “i’ll shove who i really am deep down inside because that part of me apparently is Not Okay and i just want to play volleyball” to “i am me and i am a strong player but i also have five other players with me on the court at all times so i have to do the best that i can to bring out THEIR best so that WE can stay on the court the longest” and that’s just SO SO SO good to me.

i think that that just like, pure and simple yet strong love he has for volleyball applies to every other aspect of his life. like sure, he’s a little dumb when it comes to everything besides volleyball, and he’s not very good at expressing himself, and his love life probably consists of staring from across the room and not knowing if he should approach the person or not, and he worries that animals are afraid of him. but he finds people who love him because of his intensity and dedication and not in spite of it. and he grows up and gets to do what he loves for a living. and i just think that’s amazing!!!!!

also he’s hot.

[trordiscord]

FEST MASTERLIST

Huge thank you to all of our amazing participants! We have a total of 15 submissions from 11 creators who produced a total of 2 fabulous art pieces and 46,688 written words for this fest!

Please check out all our amazing entries under the cut!

❤ Insatiate by doshu E | 1.9k | Complete | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Voldemort stole both Harry and the Philosopher’s Stone, and doomed Harry to live a half-life. That was ten years ago.

❤ In the library [Art] by chiocchi G | Art | No Archive Warnings Apply

Tom Riddle was always the last one to go to sleep and the first to wake up. Sleeping was a waste of time that left him in a vulnerable state and he didn't trust anyone. Dating Harry wasn't going to change that. Or so he thought.

❤ Friends with Knives (and Benefits) by ChemFreak E | 5k | Complete | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tom discovers that his fuckbuddy/friend with benefits/roommate Harry has a very compatible kink. What begins as a mutual arrangement quickly develops into something more.

❤ nothing left to lose by eleven_eaves E | 7.4k | WIP | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Earlier that day, they had gotten into such a disagreement, the same one as always. But Tom held all the cards, and he knew it. “Please...” Harry begs. “Please, put it... put it back in me. I need to feel it again.” Tom smiles down at him, vicious and coldly amused. “No.”

❤ monochrome by Ilyaa_zzz M | 5.4k | Complete | No Archive Warnings Apply

Tom deals with soulmates. “I found her,” you say, and it is the tone of your voice that clues me in on what you are talking about. We have gone over this before- the name tattooed on your wrist. We have talked about what would happen if we ever found her, what you would like me to do or say if it were me who crossed paths with her. I called you paranoid, then, because it is only a small percent of people in this world that ever cross paths with their soulmate. But I should have known, if someone could have such luck, then it would be you.

❤ Anniversary by doshu E | 3.7k | Complete | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

There’s a feather-light touch to Harry’s scar, one that lingers before trailing around the side of his face, coming to rest over his lower lip and tugging it slightly. Harry steels himself, then opens his eyes. “Hello, husband,” he says, facing Voldemort’s hungry gaze. “Happy anniversary.”

❤ Identity by crowthing E | 5.1k | Complete | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

It's been a year since Harry and Tom started dating, and a few days since Tom found out about his inheritance. They decide to celebrate their anniversary by taking a trip to the middle of nowhere to check out the Gaunt estate. This should be fine and perfectly safe. If Tom's warnings about his alter ego were actually serious, it would have come up by now.

❤ Stress Relief by Lolo_69 E | 2.7k | Complete | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tom gets back from a grueling day of work at the MoM only to find his boyfriend already in bed, asleep.

❤ it's kind of tripping me up babe, i've got it bad for you by Limonium E | 3.4k | Complete | No Archive Warnings Apply

This could've been prevented, if they were paying attention. Harry says they were. Voldemort sighs, exasperated. His little menace. “Were we?” “Yeah.” Harry answers confidently. Paying attention to each other. Voldemort pinches him on his side for his cheek. Who would’ve expected magical books to be so volatile around people having sex? * In which they get isekai'd into a cursed erotica book.

❤ We're (Not) Together by doshu E | 3k | Complete | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

From Tom's point of view, they never broke up.

❤ you alone of all creatures by pwplicity (duplicity) E | 3.3k | Complete | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

You never ask, and I do not offer. What we have—what we do—is an illicit, unspoken affair. There is no place for us in the light, where my robes bear a Prefect’s badge and you are addressed as ‘sir’, and so I have been cornering you, for weeks now, in darkened corridors and dusty, abandoned classrooms.

❤ silk of midnight and dawn by Sinning Ilya (Ilyaa_zzz) E | 2.9k | Complete | Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

Harry approaches, quietly, arms raised in front of him. But it doesn’t take long before pale skin transforms into soft fur as dark as the night sky. Red eyes, now green, look at Harry with such an intensity that he has to take a step back. Four-legged and as imposing as he is when standing in two, Tom Riddle has transformed into a panther. It’s a big thing, compared to Harry’s short build, exuding raw power as if it was a second skin clinging to it. It stalks around him, sniffing his clothes with what Harry hopes is harmless curiosity. Harry swallows thickly, with difficulty, the sound almost audible in the sudden silence that appears to have fallen over them. Deep down Harry knows he is safe. He knows Tom remains somewhere inside the beast’s head, that Tom would never let anything happen to him. But it isn’t often that one encounters such a ferocious animal, dangerous and on the loose, so who can blame him if he feels like he is going to shit his pants any second now?

❤ Because it is his by TheOnceandFutureQueenofTarts E | 2k | Complete | No Archive Warnings Apply

He glanced over his shoulder and caught Tom staring intently at Harry’s… well, Tom’s arse. “Tom.” To his credit, Tom showed not an ounce of shame as he let his eyes drift up to meet Harry’s. “Yes, darling?” “Were you just effectively checking yourself out?” Or: One time, someone told Tom to go f*** himself. He took that to heart.

❤ The Green Herring by duplicity G | 0.7k | Complete | No Archive Warnings Apply

There are more important things to know about Harry Evans.

❤ That's Your Boyfriend by solavonn (vonnibel) G | Art | No Archive Warnings Apply

In which Tom decides to try out Quidditch and Harry is in awe featuring Ron Weasley.

[rikilouvre]

pairing · enhypen lee heeseung! reader's bsf & implied female reader ( use of she/her, ms. )

word count · 5k

summary · pulled by your bestfriend heeseung in a generic college year-end party, your introverted self couldn't even start a conversation with anyone. and because of that, your daily mission was to meddle heeseung 'til hometime. pretty simple and easy, right?

notes · slight angst, college romance, typical bestfriend falls for bestfriend trope but with alcohol, mentions of vomit (i'm emetophobic too lol i have no idea why i added this), alcohol, profanities, r-16, heeseung is an implied misogynist in some parts, other enhypen members mentioned, heeseung's pov (continuation) will be posted as soon as i can :) + maknae line's pov, interactions especially reblogs would be very much appreciated. + important note : i have no idea how beerpong works since it's not really smth we do usually. so please correct me and my knowledge from google if ever i got the mechanics wrong. ++ the end was a bit rushed, i wanna post this 'cause i'm so excited.

playlist · [ wish you were sober · lhs ♡ ]

[ maknaes' pov | next (heeseung's pov) ]

heeseung pushes the doorbell button, "are you gonna be good?" he sticks his palm on the brick wall beside the door with the other hand in his pocket. "seung, you could've asked me that before picking me up." the lack of emotions in your tone made him think of what you were trying to imply, so he cocks his head sideways and stared at you for mere seconds before you sighed. "forget what i said. this could be an experience for me, too." you gave him a warm smile before you receive one back. heeseung puts his hand up for you to high-five, clasping your hand on his and holding it tight. the cold wind of the evening night made things feel so magical.

you felt so lucky too since the one you're holding hands with is a school heartthrob. not to mention that you feel spoiled since you have this hidden feelings for him that rush to your cheeks and whole system everytime he comes near you, gives you food from the vending machine everytime he has the chance to, he's just a good bestfriend.

thinking of all of those though, will always make your mind drift to the part where he knows nothing about your romantic love for him. leaving you to so many risky moments of getting caught lacking by him and you would have to often distance yourself since it hurts your swelling heart with jealousy, hatred, and pain whenever he talks about girls he's interested in — girls with banks full of money, girls with chanel bags and sunglasses, girls with everything that you don't possess — and he talks about a different one everyday. he has his good and bad sides, and it just drives you crazy by how he doesn't see you as a potential girlfriend since you're the only girl who knows him best — who knows his favorite ramyeon or when was the last time he cried — since you've been the one there for him afterall. it always feels like you've won, but at what cost?

wow, this party is shit. your mind wanders throughout the trims of the walls of the house, yeah it's a typical suburban homey house but stink is gonna kill you. not exactly you, but your nose. you haven't any idea where it's coming from but it's definitely barf, from the window? no, maybe from the sofa? you stood nearer the sofa to idly sniff the surrounding air, yup. it is from the sofa. you immediately stepped 10 steps away from it and now you're standing beside the tv with your hands clasped infront of your frame. you're nauseous but also felt like it's ridiculous by how someone already managed to soil the sofa with thrown-up beer and food. were they that desperate for alcohol? you continued to observe the furnishes — family photos, dried-up and neglected table plants, not-so-many people for a club but too many people for a house party, and was that an underwear on the groun–

you heard heeseung call your name in a distance, "what are you doing there, silly?" jogging towards you and chuckling at your sight that's visibly showing your nature, eyeing the furnitures like a freak. he grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the punch section. "here, try this." he offered you a red cup with liquid in it — blue in color with loads of ice cubes. you took a lil sniff on the drink and was like, it smells good? "it's just blue lemonade juice and a bit of gin." heeseung patted your shoulder to continue, "don't consume it all in one-go, though. you don't want to end up like jake right there." he gestured in the living room, jake was pogo-rocking on the floor wearing a snapback and sunglasses from the dollar tree. party-people were either hyping him up, laughing at him, staring at him, filming him with their phones, or offering him another cup of the punch. you were on the grip, a fight between life and death where you'll die if you laugh at jake. when heeseung noticed you, he bursted out in laughter for you to join in, "don't be afraid to laugh at him. he loves attention now, don't he?" sharing a moment with heeseung about this topic is the most unexpected thing to witness tonight. you thought he was just gonna drink with his friends and bring you with him for the sake of calling you his 'bestfriend'. and this is also where you realize his hand never left your shoulder. in-fact, he only gripped you tighter. "...cheers?" his red cup in his hand, raising to clink drinks with you. you gave him a sheepish smile before raising your cup as well.

just in cue before things get awkward, someone opened the door with a red cup occupying his left hand, "hyung!" heeseung's friend, jake, as you remember, invites heeseung with his open arms for a bro-hug — patting each other's back from the thought that hee was able to come to the year-end party (year-end wasted sessions with close friends). “hi, miss beautiful.” jake respectfully offers his hand for you to shake, the whole bro mode of him gone without any trace — it felt as if you were talking to sim jaeyun, not jake. his fluttering eyes and charming smile almost made you forget he's an ass most of the times — school vandalism, failing grades, and simply a jerk. you hesitantly moved your hand towards his, when heeseung swatted jake's hand and jokingly said, "c'mon man, not my bestfriend." jake just laughed it off before letting you both come in. wow, who would've thought? your cheeks are hot-to-the-touch from bare minimum.

"seung-hyung, beer pong!" jay called out to heeseung and beside him is sunghoon waving at his senior to come. when hoon glanced at you beside hee, he gave you a suppressed smile before whispering something to jay. heeseung gulped his drink twice before releasing a grunting sound from how the alcohol grazes his throat hot after the coldness brought by the ice cubes subside, he turns to you "hey, i'll be back, okay? but uh do you wanna play with u–"

"hyung! hoon suggested we should let ms. _____ join us. it's gonna be a 2v2 match." jay extended his arm and pointed at you with his his whole hand, nodding at you. heeseung stood there for a minute, thinking of the possibilities that could be :

would it be better if he lets you join? what if you both lose? who will have to drink all the cups of punch? what about letting you join but he'll deal with the consequences? he'll be the one to drink all the cups of punch? it would be stupid to think that there's a 100% chance that you and he will win this, would he want to take the risk for a drunk _____ or a drunk hee? what if he just doesn't let you join? but where would that leave you?

"i want to join." you finally spoke out, which not long did jay respond, "perfect! hyung, ms. _____, let's go." hoon and jay walked towards the tennis table to start setting up the game — pouring drinks in 20 cups, arranging them in a pyramid shape. your attention spun back to heeseung who asked you a question in a concerned tone : "are you sure about this? just play but don't drink too much, hangover might be bonkers for you tomorrow. i'll deal with the penalty if we ever lose." you gripped his wrist, laughing, "i wasn't planning on dealing with the consequences either so, yeah i agree with your plan." he chuckles, "hey lovebirds, you guys go first." hoon elbowed jay in his ribs out of disbelief, but then proceeded to snicker with him. hee waited for you to walk a little past him so he could wrap one of his arm on your shoulders, making the two opponents coo in anticipation, luring attention.

you feel all eyes inside the house stare you down along with heeseung, murmurs that make your heart thump which are making you guess if the murmurs were spoken out of filthy mouth or out of support. you feel your whole body burn — not because of the drink but because of the unnecessary pressure you were getting. you weren't used to this feeling, and you felt like you'll never get used to it too. your feet stopped walking inches away from the table, you couldn't bear the ear-piercing noises of people screeching and screaming, the background music floods your eardrums painfully. all you could do was stare at wherever your eyes find comfortable to stare at, crumpling the hem of your shirt inside your sweaty, shaky hands. it felt like the whole party was swallowing you down and the walls were getting smaller and smaller 'til you were ready to leave heeseung right there right now.

you grabbed a pingpong, "we go first, right?" and threw the most precise shot you can do. score! a ball shot in the cup right in the middle. "aju nice, but i'm better." hoon teased, threw a pingpong ball and fell in the cup nearest to you. he then raised his brows at you in a way that he's obviously flirting with you. a group of 'ooooohs' erupted in one of the watchers. the fuck is wrong with this guy? — you thought. "okay, everyone! how do you guys wanna play this? — should we drink the punches every rounds or after we're done?" jay butted in.

"hey? _____?" you snap back to your senses and inhaled sharply after unconsciously holding your breath, everything was suddenly back to normal. the people are minding their own business, the background music was set at a reasonable volume, no eyes were gawking at you anymore. heeseung was gently shaking you with his hands gripping your shoulders. "do you want to go home? are you drunk? we can just dip now." you started to notice his voice changed into a distressed tone. in reality, you haven't even drank the single cup of punch halfway through so you were sure you were still sober. i mean, you aren't exactly the newbie in drinking, too. it's just that you were too into your thoughts and you weren't really used to packed crowds in parties. "i'm okay. let's start." you finally looked at his face to see his brows knitted furiously, his eyes widened, and his lips quivering.

"every round." heeseung took a sip of his own punch, idly pointing at the drinks as he's talking. hoon and jay snickered to his response, "every round, then. ms. _____ —"

"she's not gonna drink too much so i'll drink most of hers." without hesitation, heeseung removed the ball on the cup full of punch — where hoon's landed — and drank all the way in one go. alcohol carving lines on his throat that made him grunt, "yo, this is strong as hell." he shook his head aggressively as if removing the alcohol spirit in him. this competitive but protective side of heeseung in parties you've never seen. in short, this night is just giving you more and more reasons to like this potatohead — and more and more reasons to forever embrace your choice about agreeing to go with hee to this party.

hoon and jay looked at each other, giving each other looks like they were up to something... hoon proceeded to grab his cup and drink it straight, side-eyeing you with a curve forming on the side of his lips. what is up with him? the nth time you asked yourself for this night. "sunghoon." hee noticed the way hoon looked at you, and with a stern tone he called out to his junior, "drink that shit faster." he then threw his shot onto a cup aggressively yet so perfectly, almost choking the younger boy with his punch. "my turn." jay smirking. he leaned slightly onto the table with full concentration noticeable in his stance, he scored.

"drink up, hyung." jay raised his cup as he did with his brow, gulping every single drop of the punch with a refreshing remark. "ahh, refreshing. ain't it?" who wouldn't start seeing stars in minutes when you just drank 2 full cups in such a short time? the two juniors were starting to make fun of heeseung, and that's where suspicions raised. you grabbed a cup on one of the cups laid on the game setup. the drink smelled so fucking strong, it was almost as if you were sniffing rubbing alcohol straight from the cup. you glanced at the juniors, with disgust and confusion expressions plastered across your face. what a sick prank, for you atleast. you like the guy, ofcourse you'd show concern for him + you're his chaperone for tonight if we're gonna be honest so sober heeseung is the best choice for you to take care of. hee grabbed your wrist, "darling, don't drink. don't fall for their shit." looking at you with dead siren eyes — looking like he's sleepy — you paused for a second to comprehend what he just said. "darling?—"

"nobody can forfeit 'cause that's the rules." jay waved everyone watching to let them know nobody's backing off the game, not even heeseung who's starting to get wasted from the game. "dude, what's with the drinks?" you asked jay in an unexplainable tone that will humiliate him. "oh, ms. _____. senior college students get pranked by freshmen or students younger than them in parties like this every year. hyung knows that, i don't know why he gave in, though... anyway, that's a vodka mix he's drinking. one of the strongest ones!" he clapped in dismissal to let hoon throw another ball onto the cup on your side.

with every round, heeseung became progressively more disoriented to the point that when he moved out of the place he was standing, he couldn't walk a straight line. you reckon him whispering to you, "hey, i'm seeing stars." to which you cracked up. the way he was so straightforward with it and the way he said it so subtly was sure to fart your shits tonight. but then he continued, "i'm sorry in advanced for the shit i'm gonna say and do tonight. i'll treat you to mcdonalds once my hangover goes away tomorrow." he opened his palm which you high-fived. not expecting anything when he wrapped his hand around yours and looked you directly in the eyes while slightly leaning his body on the table with his free arm sideways, smiling at you.

the crowd bursted into woos and coos and screams that will only make your heartbeat so much faster, not because of anxiety but because of hype this time. jay and hoon were laughing at heeseung, to which heeseung laughed along drunkly too when he glanced at the two. "what's funny, broskis?" heeseung pointed at jay and hoon with a sheepish smile plastered across his face. the background music got changed to a disco party song. "let's dance, hyung!" almost everybody gathered on the living room while the rest scattered across every room of the house.

he never let go of your hand and pulled you in the dance floor. his aura when he's drunk is so fucking unmatched. he always has his eyes closed, moving so slyly but is so confident about himself, bobbing his head to the song with his hands up in the air. his perfume filling your system along with atleast a hundred more perfumes worn by party people inside the house.

enough about him, what about you? it's not like heeseung drank everything in the game, you had to have your share, too. you drank around 3 drinks? 4? you honestly couldn't remember. you knew your way around alcohol, yeah. but you never said you can steer your way to alcohol, right? you admit to yourself you didn't have that high of a tolerance so heeseung asking you to dance with him and go nuts, you just had to decline. "c'mon, sugar. let's dance." heeseung still in party mode, you asked him "seung, since when did you start calling me 'sugar' and 'darling'?—"

"everyone! this is for, lovey-dovey people. specifically ms. _____ over there and our best pal, lee heeseung hyung." jay announced over the mic as he gestured at hoon to change the track to something else. "now playing, can't help falling inlove." jay bowed and placed the mic somewhere you didn't care.

your eyes were focused on lee heeseung, your so-dear bestfriend who's now easily wasted and it's been just- what? 3 hours? 3 hours onto the party and he's already groggily dancing you to 'can't help falling inlove'. as his half-closed eyes were focused on you, as well. roaming his eyes around your face, analyzing your features like it was his first time meeting you. when in reality, it was his first time looking at you like this — a subtle smile pasted on his lips that wouldn't just disappear as he tucked the stray hair behind your ear. his light chuckles which you'll never get tired of hearing, especially when you know you're the reason behind it. his hand slowly creeping on your side, gently gripping onto you as he lets you holds his other hand. meanwhile, you found your way to his shoulder, gently massaging him and actually shaking since a dance with your crush is not something you can do everyday. he teases your height every chance he can, though right now he comments, "you look so beautiful in this angle... like you know, our heights match for boyfriends and girlfriends hehehehe." he was wasted, yeah, and he was just so comfortable in saying anything to you at this point. he hesitated to continue his statement before grabbing the guts and proceed, "we should do this more often." you let out a hearty laugh so did he. "why are you laughing?" heeseung asked whilst still laughing and smiling at you. "you're drunk. i'm your..."

he raised his eyebrows still maintaining his tired eyelids in-place, "hmm?" he unconsciously stops swaying, not until you lead him again since stopping the dance would be pretty awkward, especially you both are standing in the middle of the dance floor — squeezed with people who are dancing as well. "i mean, i'm your bestfriend. we can't be together." it's like everything good that happened tonight vanished inside your head, and there you are again with your heartbroken thoughts. you were losing your color as you were dancing with him, which he actually noticed. he lets go of you and proceeded to walk towards the microphone. jay and hoon noticed him, then guided him since he was already hammered. "hyung, what are you gonna do?" hoon, who was almost hammered as well, asked. heeseung was trying his best, and when i say his best, he was trying his best to get on top of the chair without losing his balance which was pretty hard for him since, like he told you, he was already seeing stars. his knees almost collapsed not until the two juniors, and jake — who was already sobered up — supports heeseung's back and pushed him up the chair. "mic, mic." heeseung idly sways on top of the chair while open-and-closing his hand towards jake for the mic. jake frantically gives him the mic, and you just stood there watching him. lost in why he left you on the dance floor and stood on top of a chair, though you truly were lost when he inhaled on the mic — startling every senses you have.

"I LIKE _____." heeseung pointed at you with his whole hand, as the crowd immediately turned to look at who he was pointing at. without turning your head, your eyes were travelling your peripheral vision and side vision, to see who's giving you looks... a lot were. people were starting to whisper and it was honestly like deja vu, but this time it's worse since you're head is already aching so much. you were once again crumpling something under your grip, but this time it's your skin. you were scratching and fondling with the skin of your forearms, "she's a whore! didn't you see her flirt with your friend earlier?" someone shouted from the crowd. "SHUT UP, YOU'RE THE FUCKING WHORE, BITCH." heeseung, with all cruelty inside his body, clapped back at the girl who called you a 'whore', who turned out to be someone from your class. the crowd exploded in reactions of hyping heeseung and you up, leaving your hater devastated. you didn't even realize you were tearing up until you closed your eyes from chuckling lightly and tears started to roll from your eyes down to your cheeks. you didn't know which hurt more : someone you totally don't expect calls you a 'whore' because heeseung said he likes you, or heeseung said he likes you but he's wasted. you couldn't handle your emotions bottled up throughout the whole night, throughout the whole time of liking heeseung secretly. you just had to walk out and ditch, but since heeseung wouldn't let go of you in his sight, he was quick to jump off the chair when he saw you heading for jake's house door. "hey! h—" he panted, running in disoriented lines for you, as jake, jay, and hoon followed him. "easy, you might trip." hoon warned heeseung.

he gripped your wrist to stop your from walking home. you both stood outside the porch of the house, with the party lights from inside and the orange streetlights the only source of light. "hey, _____. i like you hehe did you hear me there?" heeseung, still under the influence, obviously, talks in a giddy tone which pisses you off even more. everything that cheap girl who called you a 'whore' did was enough to blow your fucking sanity off, and one bad thing about it is that you managed to release all your anger out on hee, "heeseung, what do you think this is, us? what do you think about us? me?" you spit out, your index finger pointing at his chest. before he could even grab air, you continued : "do you think this is just some kind of prank or a sad excuse to catch clout and bring home more girls and 'sluts' as you call them? do you think this is something so casual as a joke just to announce to everyone then play like nothing happened tomorrow?"

"you know exactly who you are, heeseung. you know girls would come for my ass once they find out that 'you like me', if that's even true. you could've just told me about this in private, yeah your way of confessing is loverboy-material but— you could've thought about what people are gonna comment about me first." you shoved him so hard he almost tripped himself.

"you're not just some ordinary college boy, everybody wants you. think of what they're gonna call me 'cause the fall is on me." you honestly didn't know if anything you're saying connects to what happened earlier, you thought these are probably feelings you've never opened to someone, things you wanted to say.

and at this point, everyone in the party is listening to your fight with heeseung and some even went outside the porch to hear better of what's up. the 3 juniors a meter away from the both of you.

"seung, i like you too but- we could've settled this when you're sober and when people who are always willing to call names aren't here. that way, i would actually believe you. i—" eyes red and uncontrollable body quivering from the shock that erupted from inside your body, "i'm sorry. for exploding and putting all the blame on you. i really like you, like, like-like you. it's just— it's the girls. you knew this would happen and this is a bad idea. i'm glad that you said you liked me. but we're not sure about that since... look at you." you gestured at his state — swaying with his wrinkled clothes, his lids ready to drop anytime.

you were waiting for him to say anything as you stared him down while he stood there, dumbfounded.

"do you want me to prove it to you?" he finally spoke. you were ready to answer, not until he shuts you up by stepping forward you and softly pressing his lips on yours — pulling you close by the waist with his arm while his hand cups your cheek to guide you. your spirits touch, and you could feel his warm body on your cold skin. you were tensed, so tensed your lips felt like rock hard on his. but then, you got accustomed to it that you just slumped there and gave in. pushing your torso towards him, your hands slowly found their way behind heeseung's neck and pushed him even closer to you, if that was possible, to deepen the kiss. this, is what was gonna make you see stars for tonight. well, you couldn't even see since your eyes were closed so you instead thought that : damn, i feel like i'm in space floating with him.

you felt so numb and you weren't prepared to let go of his lips yet. your tongue working wonders, entangling with his. this euphoric feeling that was once only in your mind, now is true to life. you finally pulled away to look at his face, he looked a thousand times more handsome — the most handsome he could ever be. even better, he looked like his eyes hold the whole galaxy inside them — glistening at your sight while you could see your own reflection on them. as his eyes darted onto yours, a smirk easily forming on the curves of his lips. your eyes wide open, processing everything that just happened. you got startled and jumped a little on heeseung's hold when people started screaming and cheering for you both, this time, you were both the one who had been filmed with phones, offered more punches, and cheered and hyped on. jake's standing there with jay and hoon, proud.

"we're gonna go to mcdonald's tomorrow, everyone! wooo!" heeseung screamed to which party-people laughed, "hammered as fuck, bro!" someone shouted from the crowd. jay butted in to tell everyone that heeseung still hasn't dealt with the beerpong penalty yet, you both lost. the crowd replies with an "oooooh" in a low tone to raise suspense and thrill. letting heeseung throw the balls every so often really wasn't a good idea, now that you've thought about it. "penalty is a cup of en's house mix!" jay announced. "it's a mixture of every drink imaginable, but not really. just gin, vodka, brandy, whiskey, beer, juice, coffee, just those things. all in one cup." hoon explained.

everybody was invited to go back inside the house to watch the 3 juniors prepare the drink in a cup, you and heeseung were both told to watch closely since it's gonna be the last thing you both are gonna see clearly for tonight. "y'all see this bottle? this shi costs our semester fee." jay waved up a bottle of liquor and as he said, expensive. "and this? jake's dad and my dad had to be stuck in yucatan for a few days just to buy this hell of a drink." hoon waved up another bottle, furnished full of swirls and curls, which awed the whole audience. "and this, guys?" jake held up a bottle with a black cap and matte glass body, "this was just bought at the nearest supermarket yesterday." the whole crowd bursted in laughter and genuine expressions as jake was chortling in-place, entertained at his own joke. "and this, guys?" jay held up the glass cup of ice which were put in hee and your drink, "we just pulled it out of jake's freezer." hoon was wheezing beside jake and jay, holding onto his kneecaps for his life. "and this, guys?" jake held up the two cups which you and hee were about to drink, "just kidding, guys. i'm all out of jokes. anyway, let's now watch the lovebirds face their penalty!"

the drink was stored in two cups, half-full. your stomach churning at the thought of how strong the drink is, you were ready to be put in a hospital bed for gastritis 'cause of you and your acidic stomach acid. "ready?" you asked heeseung, arm and hand holding the drink tangled with yours for a more fancy approach at the penalty. "fuck yeah." you both drank up as everyone chanted : "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!". the moment the drink entered your mouth, all you thought was that you felt sorry for yourself and heeseung, you wouldn't be able to take care of neither. it felt like you were tasting a good taste of intense hangover and a sleep at jake's house with the rest of the gang. a few minutes into the drink and you were feeling yourself starting to get wasted. a few minutes after the drink, your sight started to darken and everyone you see looked so funny. when you looked at heeseung, he was laughing to himself. literally to himself 'cause he wasn't laughing at himself, either. hoon was quick to grab his phone and film hee, "hyung, what are you laughing at?"

"the time jake pissed himself last year when— ah- AHAHAHAHAHAHAAH—"

"ya! why me?" it was simply impossible to talk to him seriously at this point. the poor junior who was being picked on demanded hee to do jump and jacks, 30 times, to further shake him up. funny thing is, hee complied and miraculously got through the whole 30 reps of jump and jacks. jake and jay helped hee up beside you. "i want- i- sleep." you murmured to yourself, hoon went near you to hear you. "what?" he gently asked you to repeat what you just said. "i said- i wan slep u idiot." wow, you really managed to cuss sunghoon out while you're literally wasted. your whole body shuts down and lets you sleep at ease, did you even remember where you laid down?

to be continued.

i wanted to mention a tumblr user for my taglist but everytime i try to save a change on this post it just won't save 😭 i've been trying for around 10 times now, what do i do?

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@lalalalawon , @nikiwoo