#this would have a happy ending and logince | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

oatmealdaydreams · 10 months ago

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Tell It to Me, My Dearest Star

Almost done with this wonderful week of these dorks. Sorry for the 'blast from the past' bit at the beginning, I RAN with this (lmao). If ya want to be added or taken off the taglist, pls ask!

Pairing: Logince, gen

Trigger/Content Warning: insecurity, violent imagery/metaphors (I guess?)

Description: Logan starts to infodump to Roman, but he stops himself before he can get “annoying”. Roman sees the lights dim in his friend’s eyes, and he refuses to let Logan feel so grey for any longer.

Extra: written for Day 6: Tell Me About It of @loginceweek2024! Features my headcanon that when Logan gets really excited or happy about something, his pupils and irises turn into stars (like a star shape instead of a normal circle) and his eyes glow a little more indigo. It operates a lot like Virgil’s purple eyeshadow.

Edit: so, I ended up writing them as implicitly queerplatonic and alterous. That was an accident, but we need more qpp and alterous partnerships always. Writing this drabble is also how I realized I'm alterous (lmao).

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[read under the cut]

No matter what anyone else says, Roman cannot find anything better than listening to Logan speak about things that excite him.

He’s aware he hasn’t been the most obvious about wanting to listen. In the past, he’s had a tendency to ignore Logan or joke at his expense. He’s silenced him before, and that… god, Roman still feels guilty over it. He was much less focused on ‘how will this affect him?’ and a lot more on desperately getting praise from wherever he could get it. He’s not proud of it. The Prince had been more in Survival Mode, and positive attention and praise was so scarce, and then everything he grew up on- all of his structure for right and wrong and do’s and don'ts- it all came crumbling down, and he- he- well, it got fucked real quick. When Logan and Roman finally talked calmly after such a long time of being opposed, he realized just how much in common they had when it came to being hurt. He’s trying to do better, now. He and the nerd are healing, together, and are trying for each other and themselves. Now, Roman refuses to give into old habits of saying shut up, and he encourages Logan to talk more. Now, Logan is much more mindful of his critiques towards Roman and his work, finally beginning to understand what Roman being the Ego actually means. And they’ve both apologized. Every time they feel they need to, every time the other needs apologetic closure, and only when they need to. If one of them starts saying sorry, I’m sorry for something they shouldn’t have to be sorry for, or have already expressed being sorry for, then the other will gently remind them that it’s okay, we’re past that, there’s no need for you to apologize, let’s just breathe for a minute.

And they both have some mixed feelings over Janus to bond over, especially when he or Patton are still pricks. Maybe they don’t do it consciously, but those two have a lot to work through before certain things can be considered to be forgiven or not. Until then, tensions still rise in the air.

One thing that remains very important for everyone to work on is not silencing literal Logic when he disagrees or brings up a different point. That’s a nasty habit they all developed at some point. Patton and Roman have done it the longest, then Virgil slowly fell into that line, then Janus was… Janus, and Remus only really did it during his introductory video to prove a point. Unlike most of the Others, Remus made sure that Logan understood he didn’t mean it to harm Logan, just so the Others would start listening to or acknowledging him once in a while. Well, in his own way, at least. Something about a stained, makeshift mini book of poetry making it to Logan’s desk, presumingly signed by the Duke with some weird Remus-typical note attached. It helped, as far as Logan’s concerned. It was the first apology he’d gotten in a long time. He and Remus would spend time together sometimes after that, after the whole situation with Working Through Intrusive Thoughts, and made some sort of… alliance? Friendship? Whatever it is, it works for them. They’re both finally getting listened to, now. In the ways that they need to be. And acknowledged, just like they both dreamed.

From what Logan remembers, Virgil was the next to make an effort in healing his bond with the detective. It was awkward, to say the least, after realizing he was beginning to treat Logan like he was treated before his Acceptance. That realization was like a bullet to his chest, a brick to his head, a train- well, you get the point. The first attempted apology was horribly cringe- to Virgil, anyway- and nerve-wrecking and clumsy. After a few more quiet, honest talks in the middle of the night when neither could sleep, Logan slowly became less and less tense around him. Virgil developed a different habit, one where he checks in on the astrophile by leaning against him and letting himself rumble like a cat. It has the same effects as a cat purring, and it eventually became routine when the other couldn’t sleep. They’d meet in the nerd’s room- we already learned what happens when the Lights are in Virgil’s room for too long, so that’s a no-go- and lean against each other, either until someone was ready to talk or until they decided to sleep and cuddle the rest of the night away.

Then, it was Roman. Out of everyone- well, every Side, technically Thomas had started working on things with his Logic sometime after Remus’ appearance, and others followed suit- he’s not proud to admit it took him more time than the other two to get out of his self-pitying head. So, when he first talked and apologized to his nerdy companion, Logan almost… he didn’t break down, not entirely, but there was a lot of anger and hurt that finally got released. Roman saw for himself the orange glow of it hurts, why, why, why, make it stop, please make it stop, and it terrified him. It terrified him because Logan was hurting so much- he still is, but he has some support now- and Roman was a part of the damn cause of it. That first apology ended with a sobbing, orange-eyed Logan being held tight in the knight’s arms, never to be left so alone ever again. That began their journey of revealing their hurt and pain to each other, and though Roman hadn’t been the first, he’d become the absolute closest to the poor astrophile rather quickly. It was like a switch flicked on in their brains, and… and it opened a lot of realizations for both of them. Logan learned what being the Ego entails for the princely Side, and realized how awful he’d been without truly noticing.

Of course, all that being said, there’s still times when someone relapses and lashes out against the wrong people, or tells someone to shut up, no one likes listening to you when it’s been made known that’s the worst thing they can do. Luckily, with the help of those who are trying and are healing, there are apologies and weighted blankets and cuddle piles and half-jokes about something they know won’t hurt anyone. They’ll want movies without anyone’s triggers in them, and they’ll sleep until it’s time for dinner or until morning comes.

But, of fucking course, not everyone is so nice and shit. Patton and Janus are seemingly in their own healing bubble, working with each other, but still they somehow in some damn way aren’t very good with the Others. Janus and Remus have become… complicated with each other, as Remus comes to Roman’s defense a lot more than either of them thought he would. The twins themselves are trying to reconnect after so many years of being separated and at opposite ends.

Perhaps Janus and Patton are trying, but it’s just… well, it’s a lot more complicated with how things have gone. It’s not like they’re not trying. They are, in their own way, but all the damage done runs deep, deep, deep into the bones of bodies. Maybe it’s just easier to try with each other more than with the Others. Maybe, there’s just some unforgivable things, and some Sides who need more time. Maybe, just maybe… it’ll end up alright, someday, somehow, in some sort of mutual agreement of how to help Thomas. Maybe some things will never truly heal, will never truly be gone, but they all can still try and get as close to okay as they can.

But I digress. Enough about the past! It’s done and gone. Why not focus on some brighter, better things?

Roman cannot find anything better than listening to Logan speak about things that excite him.

It’s not just because of his voice. Logan’s voice gets passionate when talks. You can hear the difference between things he says because they’re relevant and important, and the things that he knows eons-worth of knowledge on because he wants to. He’s a curious facet. If it interests him, truly, Roman’s seen him read and read and read until his eyes pop out his head- figuratively, Remus, you chaotic gremlin- and not stop unless someone can kindly force him into bed and sleep. Oh, it’s not just his wonderful voice. It’s also the way he lights up, the entirety of him, when he rants for hours and hours on things like constellations or Doctor Who or sea otters. It’s the way his hands flap excitedly as he paces and rambles. It’s the way he snaps his fingers without realizing, or when he clicks a forgotten pen mindlessly in one hand as he sits. He can’t keep still, not when he really talks and talks, no, how can someone keep still when all this repressed energy finally gets a chance to burst out and dance around? He bounces his leg or taps his fingers on the table, or he’ll even rock slightly in his seat. Maybe the pen clicking or the snapping can be a little annoying to hear, but it’s not that much and Roman will gladly endure any ‘annoyance’ so his beloved friend can stim all his excitement in a safe environment. He understands, to some degree- he stims too, he gets excited and can’t sit still, he gets it- and he knows that not everyone has the patience for snapping and clicking and rocking. Logan deserves to express himself, beyond anything, and Roman feels honoured that the detective feels comfortable enough to do it around him.

Where was he going with this… oh, right!

It’s not just his stimming and his voice, though they’re very good reasons, but it’s also the way his eyes literally get starry. It’s similar to Virgil’s eyeshadow, for a point of reference, in how Roman theorizes it works. His pupils and irises turn into this star shape, and his eyes glow and shimmer this vibrant indigo that he hasn’t really seen before. It’s- oh, it’s magnificent! Roman could stare for hours at those wonderful eyes. He could, and he has, and they’re so beautiful. He’s… god, he adores Logan so much and is so glad he gets to see Logan like he does. They used to be constant opposites, and now- now, he gets to be close with him.

Roman knows how he sounds, but it’s not like that. It’s not in a romantic sense, not fully. Maybe it’s, like, semi-romantic-ish. But mostly it’s this endless care for his friend- best friend, if he so dares- and he’s so happy. He’s happy! He’s happy with Logan. It’s this platonic-not-platonic, queer, strange feeling that makes his heart alive. He’s not sure how to describe it. All he knows, thanks to building up courage to talk it out with Logan, is that his astrophile feels the same. Neither knows how to label it, but maybe it’s better unlabelled. It’s them, and they’re happy with the way they are. They’re happy with each other, and that’s all that matters.

“-reading a book on jellyfish breeds a few days ago, and I learned about Aurelia Aurita. They’re more commonly known as Moon Jellyfish. Did you know they went into space as an experiment in 1991? They also are the oldest multi-organ animal, dating back 500 million years. Think of how far back that dates, Roman! Dinosaurs only date back 250 million years, about half the amount of Moon Jellyfish. Creatures older than the prehistoric era! Oh, and get this: they also- also…”

Logan stops forcefully himself mid-sentence, stilling his pacing and pen clicking he’d been doing. His eyes, which are star-shaped and vibrant, fade back into that greyish blue, circular thing they usually are. The light literally dims from his eyes, and his face and body and stance. Roman’s eyebrows furrow, mildly confused and concerned for his companion. Logan puts his pen in his shirt pocket with the rest of them, looking a little lost and hazy. He blinks, shaking his head slightly, and turns to Roman. His prince has been sitting in his chair and staring this entire time, he notes, and he sits across from him on the other side of the table. They’re in the Mindscape’s Library. Rather it’s more Logan’s library, since he’s usually the only one- besides maybe Janus- who uses it. Point is Logan’s forcing himself to be still and quiet, and it hurts a soft part of Roman’s chest to see.

“I’m sorry, Roman. I hadn’t realized I was rambling,” Logan says cooly, distant, and won’t look at Roman.

Instead, the sweet jellyfish enthusiast looks at his hands. His hands, which twitch with the need to move move move but are otherwise denied that need. He seems to be bracing. The faint reminder of why and how much he did this in discussions and what bracing feels like- Roman knows, he’s had to do the same to survive around certain people and in certain situations- and the hurt in his chest burns the wrong way. It’s not a good burning, not like when the little fire in his heart crackles happily. No, this is an icky burning like he’s a witch set to burn for his sins on a pyre.

“No need for an apology, specs,” Roman speaks soft and kind, eyes reflecting the same as his voice. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Roman. However, I do know I can be annoying, and I wouldn’t want to annoy you with irrelevant information.”

Oh, Logan, no. No no, you could never annoy me with that voice of yours.

Roman’s gaze of concern worsens.

“Logan- hey, hey, shh, it’s just me, Roman, okay?”

The Prince immediately soothes once his nerd flinches at the mere mention of his own name, and it makes his hurting chest ache. It aches his heart, to see him scared and tense and so sure he’s at fault. How did it dissolve so quickly into this? Where did his ranting, rambling starlight go? Why is his precious detective hurting, right now, in this moment?

“What’s going on in that brilliant head of yours, starlight?”

Logan eases a little at the pet name, knowing only Roman calls him that. He looks up at his knight in royal attire, his shoulders slumping once he sees the soft soft soft gaze in his eyes.

It’s safe, he tries to remind himself and his mean brain, it’s safe with Roman.

“There you go, my star. Now, what’s going on? How can I help you feel better?”

“I-” Logan swallows around an unnoticed lodge in his throat. “I don’t know. I’m just… I didn’t realize I was talking for so long.”

“There’s nothing wrong with talking, my star. You weren’t annoying me. I’m not going anywhere, not unless you want me to.”

“Wait- please, don’t? Please?”

“Oh, my dearest, I’m here, I’m staying. No need to fret, dearest.”

Logan nods, more to himself than anything. His hands twitch again.

“It’s not good to repress when you need to stim, starlight. It’s okay, you’re safe with me.”

Roman tilts his head slightly, smiling this little encouraging smile that Logan can’t help but fall prey to. He lets his fingers tap quietly, slowly on the table. Just one hand, the other now supports his chin. It’s as if he were testing to see if it’s really okay. Roman remains patient, wearing the same smile as his star slowly relaxes and stops regulating the way his fingers tap tap tap against the wood. He still wonders why Logan suddenly went from passionate rambling to that quiet bracing, but it can wait until later.

“Feeling better, my dear detective?” Roman catches the lightest blush on Logan’s face as he playfully rolls his eyes, reacting so because of the pet name.

His detective huffs a smile, “A little bit, yes. Thank you, dear.”

“I’m always here, Detective Jellyfish.”

Logan snorts.

“Now, what happened there? You were so vibrant, and then the grey took that away.”

His starlight sets his support-hand next to his tapping one, letting it tap as well. He sighs, looking away from his prince again.

“It’s just one little thought. It shouldn’t matter.”

“But it does, doesn’t it?”

“Yes…”

“Are you comfortable sharing it with me, my dearest?”

“It’s- yes, I am. It’s just this thought that I’m annoying you. I used to, didn’t I? I was always told to shut up because I talked too long, and I- I guess… ugh, I don’t know. It’s like this echo that I hear but don’t hear, telling me to be quiet, don’t annoy you, to shut up. It’s so dumb.”

“It’s not dumb-”

Logan gives him a look, sassy side-eye in its finest.

“Okay, it’s a little dumb, but that’s okay. Mean thoughts are stupid. And they aren’t right now, specs. They’re echoes of past bullshit. What’s Remus always saying, there’s no rhyme or reason to it? Didn’t you say they don’t reflect on a person’s character? Hm?”

Logan looks back to him, fully, finally, and this horribly vulnerable confusion sparkles in his eyes.

“You listened to me?”

Roman bares a soft smile, hoping his eyes reflect his honesty.

“Yes, I did. I’ve listened to you a lot more than I let on, specs.”

“Oh,” comes a watery voice.

“Yes, ‘oh’- oh, oh, my dear darling nerd, can I touch you?”

Logan shakes head, “I- I can’t, ‘m sorry-”

“It’s okay, sweet jellie. Need a weighted blanket? I think you left yours in my room from our movie night.”

“Please?”

“I’ve got it. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Logan nods as he sniffles, and Roman quickly sinks out. Before Logan’s mean thoughts from earlier even try to resurface, his prince is back with a star-planet-themed weighted blanket in his arms. He’s changed into soft things as well, and Logan finds himself snapping into his prized onesie. Roman carefully tugs the blanket over Logan, placing it around his shoulders and bundling his precious star into the sensory-safe fabric. Logan wipes his tears away, sniffling again. Roman sits back down at his seat once he’s sure his star is situated.

“You were talking about moon jellies, right? What fact were you going to say, Star Bundle?”

Logan blinks, blushing at the pet name. Stupid Roman and his stupid creativity. It’s not fair that he knows him so well.

“...you really want me to continue?”

“Yes, yes, I do. Tell it to me, my dearest star,” Roman smirks as he purrs the pet name.

Logan doesn’t pout, thank you, but it’s close.

“Okay… well, did you know they glow in the dark?”

Roman’s fond look is all the reassurance he needs as he continues his jellyfish ranting, those beautiful star-shaped and vibrant indigo eyes returning.

Taglist: @lost-in-thought-20 @thegoldenduckie

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lily-janus · 2 years ago

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Why Would You Be Interested In Someone Like Me?

Summary: Logan and Roman want to ask each other out, but neither thinks the other would be interested...

Pairing: pre-romantic Logince

Warnings: kissing, insecurities, low self esteem.

Word count: 4,215

For @loginceweek2023 day 1 - Insecurity

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The minute Logan walked inside the school building he noticed something was different. The place seemed emptier than it usually is before classes start… or so he thought until he heard excited murmurs and saw up ahead a big group of students huddling in front of the announcement board.

Logan sighed, knowing what this was about now. It's the end of December, meaning New Years is coming up this weekend… and, of course, the school hosted a party to celebrate. Not only that, but as if to make matters more stressful, there's a dancing competition too that everyone suddenly became so obsessed with winning at, that they stopped talking about anything else!

It was truly exhausting each year… for Logan, at least, everyone else always seemed perfectly happy and excited. Everyone, including-

"Specs! There you are!" Before Logan even had time to replay, Roman tugged his arm until they were both in the middle of all the huddled students. He tugged him along until they,, at last reached the front and he saw the poster featuring this year's theme. "Look! This year's theme is royalty!" Roman gestured excitedly to the poster.

Logan scoffed. "Yes, I can see that Roman." He pushed up his glasses, reading it over.

Logan failed to see why Roman was showing him this, since he knows full well Logan almost never showed up to these kinds of things and his deep dislike of such events. But Roman needed an audience for his excitement, he supposes.

"Oh, this is going to be so fun! I already have the perfect outfit in mind and I'm totally going to win this year! I can just feel it!" Roman grinned, hoping in place as the crowd of students slowly disbanded, leaving only Logan and Roman.

"Yes, well, you're not going to win anything if you're late to class… again, so I suggest we'll start making our way there." Logan pointed out, turning around and starting to walk to their classroom, expecting Roman to follow.

"C'mon, Teach, I know it's not your favorite thing but you have to be at least a little excited about this dance," Roman said as he fell into step next to him.

Logan gave him a pointed look, making Roman roll his eyes. "Right, mister top-student has more important things to occupy his mind than a silly dance," Roman said mockingly.

"I know you're mocking me, but yes, I do." Logan agreed.

Roman groaned in the exaggerated way of his. "How can you make even mocking you boring?"

Logan gave him a tiny, teasing smile at that. "Years of practice."

The day passed on in an unusual slowness, everyone once again starting to obsess over what they were going to wear and who they were going to invite, he was honestly starting to get a serious headache. It didn't help that he was best friends with the number one fan of these kinds of things.

"So this is the first outfit that I thought of…" Roman said, showing him a picture on his phone of a fancy king costume, complete with a ridiculously huge crown. "But after a while, I started thinking if this might be better…" he swiped to a picture of a prince costume, much tamer than the previous one but no less fancy for it, a white and gold dress shirt with a red sash going from the right shoulder to the left side of the waist and a black pair of pants. And, of course, a tiara.

Logan could already see Roman in that outfit, it suited his usual mannerisms perfectly… for some reason that mental image made him feel a tad bit warmer-

"So what do you think? Which should I choose?" Roman was looking at him expectantly.

Logan looked away, feeling a little flushed. "I think the second suits you more um… excuse me for a moment.." he got up from where he was sitting opposite Roman in the cafeteria and walked quickly towards the bathroom.

It seemed to happen more and more often recently, Roman and him would hang out like they did countless times before… and then, suddenly, Logan would start feeling… strange. It was highly confusing and Logan always found some kind of an excuse to run off and compose himself, but he has to admit it had gotten harder to avoid these strange emotions as time went on… but he didn't know what else to do!

Finally, the school day came to a close and he and Roman departed, each going to their house. Logan had decided at last on what to do regarding his… feelings, he shall ask for advice from his older brother, he has always been more capable of navigating these kinds of social interactions.

"Well, if it isn't my dear brother." His brother smirked at him when he entered.

"Janus, enjoying winter break I see," Logan said, hanging his coat and stepping out of his muddy shoes before stepping from the doorway and into the house, shuddering slightly as the warmth enveloped him.

"Quite indeed, how was school? I know you simply adore this time of year." Janus teased as he looked at him from where he was sitting on the couch, watching Netflix.

Logan sighed tiredly. "It was… tiresome, as always…" even more so than usual…

Janus frowned slightly, pausing whatever he was watching to give him his full attention. "What's on your mind, Lo?"

It was incredibly frustrating how easily Janus could read people, Logan especially. Most people consistently told Logan how stoic and unexpressive he was and so it always baffled him how Janus sees through him with ease.

Logan hesitated, true, it was his original plan to ask Janus for advice… but now… he didn't know what to say, a rare occurrence for him.

Janus' smirk widened at his hesitation. "Wait a second… Are you embarrassed? Oh, now I gotta hear it!"

Logan took a deep breath. "It's… about Roman…" he started hesitantly. "I've… just been feeling… strange, around him lately." He flushed slightly.

Janus' eyes widened in sudden realization. "Oh my-"

"You know what? Forget I said anything, this was a bad idea and I should just shove these feelings down and hope they'll go away." Logan suddenly felt uncomfortably exposed and wanted to hide in his room, but Janus stopped him, clearly trying to hide his smile.

"Wait, wait, sorry, I'll be serious now. It just… took me by surprise." Janus gently guided him to sit next to him.

"You and me both…" Logan muttered under his breath.

"So, you have a crush on Roman," Janus said after a beat of silence.

Logan sputtered. "I… what? That's… that's not what I said! The mere suggestion is ridiculous!" He protested.

Janus rolled his eyes. "You're right, of course, how silly of me."

"Incredibly silly." Logan agreed, still flustered by Janus' statement.

"So, what, pre-tell, are these mysterious feelings you've been having around your best friend?" Janus asked with a sarcastic tinge.

"Well… I would suddenly start to feel… warmer than I was, mainly in my cheeks, and my heartbeat would increase like it does when I'm nervous but… we've been friends for years, why would I be nervous around him?" Logan wondered aloud.

Janus let out a deep sigh. "I sometimes forget how oblivious you are, are you even hearing yourself?"

Logan frowned, was he missing something? "What are you-"

Rising body temperature, increased heart rate… oh no…

"I have a crush on my best friend." Logan suddenly realized. "Janus, I have a crush on my best friend," he said again with a panic. He shook his head. "No, no, no. This is bad, this is worse than I thought! What am I supposed to do?!"

Janus chuckled, grabbing him by his shoulders. "I suggest you'll calm down first."

Logan nodded taking deep breaths. "Yeah, you're right, no reason to freak out, I know what to do now."

Janus nodded.

"Ask him to the dance."

"Avoid him until it goes away."

They stared at each other. "Wait, what?" They said together again.

"Ask him to the dance? Have you figuratively lost your mind?!" Logan sputtered at the mere thought… He and Roman, dressed like royalty… dancing. His cheeks warmed again.

"Yes, because avoiding him forever is very realistic. But if you want to take the cowardly way, be my guest." Janus rolled his eyes, waving his arm in a dismissive gesture.

Logan sighed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses. "Maybe you're right but… asking him to the dance? You know I don't fare well in these kinds of social events…"

Janus gave him a small smile. "But you do want to go with Roman, don't you? It's worth a shot."

Logan nodded, considering. "Okay, yeah, maybe I do but…"

Janus raised an eyebrow. "But?"

"But what if he says no? Or worse, says yes? He's… well he's not just my best friend, he's my only friend… I don't even know why he hangs out with me half the time. He could go with anyone he wants… why would that be me of all people?" Logan rubbed the back of his hand furiously as he voiced his concerns.

Janus took his hands, squeezing them reassuringly. "He hangs out with you because he likes you, Logan, you'll never know if you don't try. If he says yes, great, you'll have a fun evening of dancing together. And if he says no, it may take a while but you'll go back to being friends in the end."

Logan thought this over, this is all very new to him, and he's scared of messing things up with Roman and ending up alone… but, Janus was right, he'll never know if he won't ask.

After a few more minutes of consideration, Logan nodded. "Can't believe I'm saying this but… I'm going to ask Roman to the dance… not scary at all…"

Janus chuckled again, patting his back encouragingly. "That's the spirit! And if he breaks your heart, I already have an incredibly tall staircase to nudge him off of." He winked and got up from the couch. "Go get him, tiger." And with that, he walked to his room.

"My name's Logan…" he said, but Janus was already gone.

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"Remus, stop it, I'm not going to ask him," Roman said for what felt like the millionth time as he was making adjustments to his outfit. He reached his hand beside him, "gold thread."

Remus handed it to him as he groaned. "But why? You've been mooning over him for years!"

"Because, Remus, he made it very clear he hates this dance and I don't want to pressure him to go, red thread." Remus put it in his waiting palm. "I can ask him out when this blows over."

"Really? Then why didn't you do it yet huh? You're just a big coward is what you are." Remus huffed.

Roman dropped his needle and turned around to face his twin. "I'm not a coward, I'm a romantic, I'm waiting for the right moment-"

"Which is now!" Remus argued, throwing his arms in the air in exasperation. "Maybe he hates this dance so much because no one ever asked him! Did you think about that?"

Roman huffed. "Yeah, like Logan, of all people will care if he gets asked or not, just stay out of my love life okay? I can handle myself."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Trust me, I'm dying to, but it's kind of hard when you fucking don't stop talking about him! Just ask the damn guy out! It's not that complicated!"

"Trust me, now is not the time to ask Logan out, he's always in a bad mood this time of year with Christmas and New Years and the school dance, I just don't wanna add to his plate-"

"Blah, blah, blah. Excuses, excuses. You always find a reason why 'it's not the time' just man up and ask him already! I don't understand why you keep avoiding this!" Remus cut him off. "You know what? I don't care! Ask him, don't ask him, throw him off a cliff for all I know! Just stop whining about him like a little bitch!"

And with that, Remus left his room, slamming the door behind him.

Roman looked over at his outfit. He imagined what Logan would have chosen to wear if they went together. Probably something tame and serious, maybe a suit that'll hug his frame tightly-

He shook his head, it's not going to happen since they're not going together. Even if he'll ask and Logan will agree, he won't have fun there… it's just not Logan's style.

Remus was right though, he was kinda… maybe, avoiding this. But can you blame him? It's Logan for heaven's sake! Sure they've been friends since practically day one but why would serious, confident, smart Logan ever go out with someone as insecure and um… expressive as him?

Roman is pretty sure he'll say no, and then what? The chances of them staying friends after that are pretty low…

But what if he says yes?

He fantasized about this scenario plenty, of course, but he just doesn't see it happening in reality. So…. He's just been avoiding the topic.

Besides, Logan has been acting… strange, lately. Running off at random times with a rushed excuse… not meeting Roman's eyes… he fears maybe he doesn't want them to be friends anymore, maybe he finally had enough of Roman's theatrics and just doesn't know how to tell him that…

Roman sighs, folding his outfit carefully and putting it in his closet. He can't wait to go to this dance and forget about all this for a while, maybe he'll even win the contest!

But, as his mother called him and Remus down for dinner, he couldn't help but wonder what it'll be like with Logan… rather than without…

----------------------

The following morning, Logan was walking to school.

That alone was far than unusual since he did that each weekday morning since first grade, the things that raced through his mind as he walked though… now those were highly unusual if not down right delusional.

Was he really going to do it? Ask Roman Prince out for the school dance everyone knows he hates? What was he thinking? He must be going insane, it's the only logical explanation as to why he's considering this…

And yet… and yet he can't help but get nervously excited at the prospect. The idea of him agreeing and them going together made Logan feel… warm, was the only way he can describe it, inside.

If he doesn't however…

He shook his head, just as he stepped into the hallway, there's no use dwelling on that… he'll just um 'shoot his shot' as they say and see what happens, afterwards he'll figure out how to deal with the outcome.

Logan nodded to himself, mind decided-

Until he saw Roman.

At the sight of his best friend, and apparently his major crush at the moment, all thought fled from his mind and he just stared for a long, embarrassing moment.

Luckily, Roman's back was to him so he hadn't noticed Logan yet.

He can't do this.

Logan suddenly realized as Roman finally turned to him and smiled, waving at him.

Logan forced himself to smile back, walking over to him to greet him.

"Good morning, Teach!" Roman grinned at him with his dashing smile.

Logan nodded at him. "Morning, Roman, how are you today?" He asked as they started walking.

"I'm super! Getting ready to rock this dance! How about you, Lo?" Roman answered excitedly.

At the mention of the school dance, Logan's stomach churned.

Ask him.

Said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his older brother. Logan took a deep breath, looking around at the bustling hallway.

Here? In the middle of this huge crowd?

Logan shook the thought away. No, not now, he'll wait until they're both alone.

"...Specs?"

Logan snapped back from his pondering to find a concerned Roman looking at him expectantly. He blinked. "Yes, Roman?"

Roman frowned at him. "Are you okay? You're acting… strange. Are you sick or something? How many times do I have to tell you, the world won't end if you miss a few days of school to get better!" He stopped walking, looking Logan up and down.

"I'm not sick, Roman." Was all he said in response.

"Then what is it? You're starting to worry me…"

Just say the words, it's not that hard!

Logan swallowed. "I um… I was just wondering if you… I mean, if you wanted to um…" he fumbled with his words, getting increasingly more flustered.

"Logan, it's okay, whatever it is you can tell me!" Roman reassured him. Of course he did, he was always sweet like that.

Logan still hesitated, playing with the sleeves of his shirt as he was trying to find the courage to ask him.

Suddenly, Roman turned and walked to a nearby classroom, checking to see if it was empty, then motioning Logan to step inside. Closing the door behind him.

"Okay, just us now, what's wrong?" Roman asked again.

This is it…

Logan took a deep breath, stealing his nerves. "Roman, I wanted to ask you if…" he closed his eyes, irrationally unable to look Roman in the eyes. "Would you want to go to the dance… with me?" He finally managed to say, opening his eyes slowly.

There was a long moment of silence as Roman processed the question. He blinked in surprise. "Wait… what?"

Logan sighed. "Stupid idea, I know, forget I said anything-"

Roman takes his hand, grinning. "Yes! Yes, of course I want to go with you! I just thought you didn't like this dance." He explained.

A wave of relief washed over Logan and he smiled, lacing his fingers with Roman, his palm was so warm. "Well I'm certainly not a fan but… I feel like I won't mind it as much with you…"

Suddenly Roman pulled at their joined hands until their foreheads touched, his warm breath fanning over Logan's face. "I wanted to ask you out for so long I just… didn't know how." He said softly.

Logan flushed at their proximity and Roman's words, eyes drawn to his lips. "Really? I didn't think you'd be interested in someone like me…"

Roman chuckled at that. "Funny… I thought the same thing…" He looked down, taking a step back but keeping their hands together.

Logan took a moment to process that. "Wait… you thought I won't be interested in you? I'm pretty sure everyone in school is, how can they not?" Logan said, blant as always.

Roman looked up, blushing deeply. "I… I don't know… you're so smart and confident and perfect and I'm… not…" he shrugged.

Logan couldn't believe what he's hearing, of course he knew Roman was more insecure than he lets on but this? This is absurd!

He squeezed their joined hands. "Roman, you're my best and only friend. Sure we're very different but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with you. You're smart in your own way, you're sweet and caring and charming and of course I would be interested in you, I don't understand why you think I wouldn't but-"

And, before Logan knew it, they were kissing, sweet and gentle. Logan felt himself melting at the intimate touch, for once losing touch with reality as the sensations overwrote his senses.

They broke apart to catch their breaths, looking at each other, both of them flushed.

"So ah… dance?" Roman asked hopefully with a shy smile.

Logan shook his head, chuckling. "Yes Roman, dance." He clarified.

Roman gave him a sly smile that turned Logan's blush a deeper red. "Do you have an outfit in mind?"

Logan's eyes widened. "Oh no, please not-"

"Makeover time!" Roman declared with a flourish. "Come to my place after school and I'll fix you up in no time! Now come on, classes are about to start!" With a spring in his step, he led them out of the empty room and towards their first class of the day.

"Maybe the dance wasn't the best idea…" Logan said, but Roman just laughed.

"Too late! Get ready, nerd, you're about to become a 'fancy nerd' !" He accompanied the last phrase with jazz hands.

Logan rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile at Roman's… Roman-ness.

Him and Roman… going to the dance… together… this is really happening huh?

Yes. Yes, it was happening.

The rest of the days following their first kiss should probably have been a clue that this was indeed very much real and not some elaborate dream, but it was still hard to believe even with all the hard evidence.

After Logan finally worked the courage to ask Roman out, things moved rather quickly. That day after school he went with Roman to his house and they spent hours trying on different outfits and styles on Logan, trying to find something that'll fit Logan and the dance theme.

They finally settled on a royal blue coat with golden buttons with a white dress shirt underneath and matching blue dress pants. Complete with a gentle tiara with blue fake gems and-

"No." Logan said when he saw what Roman held up for him.

Roman pouted. "What's a king without his cape?" He said. "C'mon, the outfit's not the same without the finishing touch!" He wiggled the cape enticingly at him.

Logan rolled his eyes. "I feel ridiculous enough already, thank you."

Roman bit his lip, looking Logan up and down once again, he did that so many times even Logan stopped counting. "Ridiculous is not how I'll describe it."

Logan flushed but still shook his head. "No capes."

Roman whistled. "Gee Teach, pulling out the Pixar references. Have it your way then." He finally relented, putting the dark blue cape aside. "I think we found your look regardless."

Logan nodded, going to the bathroom to change to his normal clothes and go back to his house.

As he was heading out, Roman suddenly planted a brief kiss to his cheek. He pulled away and grinned. "See you tomorrow!"

A little stunned, Logan just nodded and walked outside.

Before Logan knew it, the day of the dance came.

"C'mon, let me see you, your highness"

Logan heard Janus' teasing tone from the other side of the door. Why was he doing this again? He wondered as he looked at himself in the mirror once more.

He felt utterly ridiculous and uncomfortable in the stiff outfit and his cheeks burned as he imagined Janus' reaction to seeing him in this.

"I… think I might be getting sick, it's flu season after all… maybe I should-"

"Nice try, Logan, you're not getting out of this that easy." Janus cut him off.

Logan sighed. "Fine, just promise you won't laugh?"

He heard his older brother chuckle. "I make no promises, but it's either that or be late to your precious date…" Janus pointed out.

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, he was right, damn him but he was right.

He took a deep breath, then twisted the door handle and walked outside. He barely blinked before he heard the click of a camera and saw Janus with his phone at the ready.

"Perfect." Janus smirked at him, taking a few more shots of him.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Great, you got your blackmail material, can I go now?"

Janus chuckled again, doing a mock bow. "Be on your way, your royal highness."

Logan huffed. "You're impossible." He muttered as he walked past him and out the door.

"Love you too, Lo!" He heard him call after him.

A short walk later, and he's at the school dance, looking around for Roman nervously. He could feel everyone's eyes on him and knows what they're most likely thinking:

Logan Sanders, top student and hater for all non-serious things, attending the dance with the most ridiculous outfit in existence…

A hand on his shoulder makes him jump and turn around sharply, only to freeze on the spot at the sight that greeted him, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Roman chuckles at Logan' jump, eyeing him up and down appreciatively… and looking like a prince straight out of a fairytale book. With his dashing smile, the white dress shirt laces delicately with gold and red threads, a red sash going across it from the left shoulder to the right side of his waist and a pair of black dress pants that hug his frame snugly.

Logan swallows as Roman smirks at his staring, biting his lip. "What? This ol' thing?" He indicated his outfit. "I just threw it on me at the last minute."

"I… um… You look… Adequate." He finally managed to say.

Roman raised an eyebrow playfully. "Just 'adequate'? That blush says otherwise."

Logan flushes darker at that, looking away from Roman's gorgeous green eyes.

Roman chuckles, hooking his hand in Logan's. "You're too cute for your own good, care for a dance?" And with that, he was pulled to the dance floor.

To Logan's surprise, the night went… really well, and he actually managed to have fun even with his awkwardness and everything.

Being here, with Roman, just felt… right.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #janus and remus are done with roman and logan's pinning lol #pre romantic logince #logince #loginceweek2023 #day 1 - insecurity #Lily writes #this came out way longer than intended heh #hope you all will like it #cw kissing #tw low self esteem

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monkeythefander · 3 months ago

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So I posted some Yandere Roman AU art yesterday and ended up coming up with a story/fic idea for the AU. I don’t know if I’ll fully write out a fic. I’m not sure if I’m skilled enough to write out all the typical Yandere violence and stuff. But I thought I’d post the outline/storyline I have so far to see what people think of the idea so far. I also want to try and post more writing besides Headcannons, so that’s another reason for me posting this.

Yandere Roman AU

Content warnings: mentioned fighting/violence, briefly mentioned intrusive thoughts (not in detail), online stalking, obsession (typical Yandere stuff)

Ship mention: Logince

Click below the cute to keep reading

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- Roman had a good childhood. He grew up with his twin brother Remus and two loving parents. Roman also was very social and had a group of friends. He did get jealous a bit easily when his friends hung out without him or started talking to other people over him, but he was able to push those feelings aside quickly.

- Towards the end of middle school, Roman developed him first crush. It was a guy named Luke. Luke was a new friend of Remus’. Luke would come over to the twins house often to hang out with Remus, and Roman couldn’t help but notice how cute Luke was. Remus noticed how Roman looked at Luke and soon started inviting his twin to hang out with him and Luke.

- Roman learned so many cool things about Luke. His favorite color, his hobbies, what classes his took (he also went to their middle school), and Roman became more interested in him. Luke was funny, sweet, and they had some things in common. Roman wanted to spend as much time with Luke and possible and started hanging out with him with Remus around. Luke seemed to enjoy Roman’s company too, so everything seemed perfect.

- This friendship continued in their freshman year of high school (they went to the same school again). As Roman’s feelings continued, staying very strong, the desire to confess grew. But one day at dismissal, Luke approached Roman and Remus holding a girl’s hand. Luke introduced her as Emily, and said she was his girlfriend. Roman was suddenly overcome with overwhelming anger and jealousy. He had never felt so mad before and wanted to punch something (mostly Emily). Remus seemed to sense Roman’s jealousy and said they had to go home now, so conflict was avoided.

- Once away from Luke and Emily, Roman started crying and Remus comforted him. They went home and quickly did homework before watching a happy movie and eating ice cream.

- The next day at school, Roman saw Emily and Luke talking by her locker. The anger and jealousy were back full force, and before Remus could guide Roman away Roman walked over towards the couple and started to hit her. Emily was shocked and tried to fight Roman off and Luke tried to pull Roman away from her, but Roman just shoved Luke away, causing him to hit the lockers and slump against them in pain. Roman kept attacking Emily, not really thinking or seeing clearly, blinded by his rage. Most of the other students in the hallway were staring in shock, and some were even recording. Remus wanted to stop his twin, but after how to shoved Luke away knew it was dangerous, so Remus ran to get a teacher.

- The next thing Roman knew, he was sitting in a chair in the principal’s office, his twin sitting next to him as they waited for their parents to show up. When their parents arrived, the principal informed them of what Roman did and said he would be expelled. The twins’ parents were horrified and disappointed, and didn’t speak a word to Roman on the car ride home. They just asked Remus about his day.

- At home, Roman was finally lectured by his parents. They told him violence is wrong, and when he said he was just very angry and jealous, his parents said that wasn’t an excuse and sent him to his room. He was grounded and had his phone taken away for a month. His parents decided to homeschool him for the rest of his high school career and sent him to an anger management class.

- Remus never brought home a friend again after that day, and Roman could tell his brother was a bit nervous to be around him. Considering Remus deals with some violence related intrusive thoughts, Roman was a bit surprised that Remus wasn’t being more understanding. The twins friendship became fractured that day.

- Once high school graduation came, Remus left for college and didn’t look back. He didn’t talk to Roman over the phone or texts. Roman was left alone with his parents. Roman’s parents didn’t want to send him to college, and just told him to get a job. So Roman got a job as a barista. He enjoyed getting some social interaction, since his family didn’t really talk to him that much after the incident. He thought maybe he could eventually save up enough money to move out into a cheap apartment.

- One morning while working, a cute man walked into the shop and Roman felt his heart skip a beat. The man wore a black polo shirt with blue tie, with some black pants and shoes. His hair was styled nicely and he wore a pair of black glasses over his piercing gray eyes. The man ordered a coffee and blueberry muffin and said to put “Logan” as the name for the order. Roman wanted to try and make conversation but had to focus on taking other people’s orders, and Logan seemed busy checking something on his phone, so didn’t say anything. Logan soon got his order and left, leaving Roman longing to see him again.

- Once home, all Roman could think about was Logan. He hadn’t thought this much about someone since Luke, but his interest in Logan seemed even stronger. Maybe because it’s been so long since he’s desired affection. Roman doesn’t know. But he ends up typing the name Logan into the Instagram search bar to try and find an account that looks like it might be him. After a lot of scrolling he sees a profile picture that looks like Logan. The account @ is loganberryreads. From the looks of the account, Logan is a book YouTuber. His posts vary from photos of books he buys to clips from full YouTube video book reviews. Roman ends up staying up late into the night watching his videos and becoming more entranced by this man.

- The next day at work, Logan appeared at the same time and ordered the same thing. Roman got to be the one to prepare the order this time, so Roman’s heart fluttered as Logan’s hand brushed his as he grabbed his order and thanked Roman before leaving.

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End Notes: As said above, this is just an outline/story idea at the moment. I don’t know if I’ll try and make this a full fic or not. But this is what I have so far, so I hope you enjoyed reading.

-Monkey💜

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #yandere roman sanders #unsympathetic roman sanders #original characters #remus sanders #logan sanders #logince #logan x roman #sanders sides fanfic idea #sanders sides au

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shsl-fander · 2 years ago

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Our Secret-A logince oneshot

Pairing: Logan x Roman

Au: None/Canon Universe

Tw: Food mention, Implie nsfw at very end

Word Count: 1226

Summary: Roman and Logan have been trying to hide their relationship, however they realize soon they must find a way to tell the others

@spacedouterri @autisticlogankin

Quick small glances across the room. A shy reach of a hand underneath a table, whispered breaths behind closed doors. It certainly wasn't the relationship Roman was used to, but it was a happy one nonetheless.

It had started as a one night stand, Logan had been extremely frustrated about Thomas's work which eventually led to an argument between the two of them that night, as usual. However, there are alot of emotions that develop during an argument, especially with someone who you know you don't hate and they just know how to get you fired up. Eventually the gap between them began to shorten the closer they got to each other. And soon before he knew it, Logan felt himself gasping for air as his lungs began to ache, his lips pressed against Roman's soft lips.

And plus, the two had naturally been getting closer for a while as well, not that they hadn't always been close. They always had been, an odd little duo but it worked quite well, prince and teacher, creativity and logic, red and blue, drama queen and voice of reason, Logan and Roman. Even Thomas himself had voiced that he believes they work as an amazing team. It was the small things that Roman loved about Logan and vise versa, how they could bond over poetry and nerd out together, how Logan could SO EASILY infuriate him and yet he could playfully tease him nearly minutes after. They had a dynamic that just fit, whether it was because they were so opposite or because hidden deep down they were actually extremely similar, who knows. All they knew is they had had repressed feelings for each other for lord knows how long.

However, one night soon turned into many, which eventually molded into a full relationship. Now, Roman snuggled up next to Logan under his covers, beauty and the beast playing faintly in the background as the two chomped on popcorn.

Roman hummed, struggling to keep his eyes open he could feel the weight of his eyelids causing him to blink them closed repeatedly. "Mmm I love you," he breathed, head resting on Logan's chest.

Logan gently stroked Roman's hair, smiling down at him fondly. He opened his mouth to whisper a response when he perked up due to the sudden knocknon his door.

Roman yelped, jumping up from his position with a quiet gasp.

Logan however, just shook his head. "Stay here," he ordered, quickly pecking Roman's forehead before getting back up. Logan sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He knew Roman wanted to be more open about their relationship, but Logan just wasn't sure if he was ready for that amount of vulnerability quite yet.

Roman scoffed, adjusting his sitting with a huff, his bangs blowing out of his eyes, "Wowww you ordering a prince around?" he teases jokingly, before burrying himself under Logan's blanket.

Logan slowly inched his door open, blinking in surprise when he saw Virgil on the other side.

"Uh sup Lo, I was just wondering if you've seen my eyeliner? I can't find it and I would ask Roman because he wears makeup but I can't find him- sorry to bother you, " he mumbles, hands in his pockets.

After a few minutes of casual chatting, Virgil scurried off and Logan slowly closed the door once again, waiting for that comforting click.

"Now, where were we?" Logan asks, climbing back onto his bed before placing a soft peck against Roman's lips. He could feel the slight give Roman's lips had to them, and even if the contact was brief it sent a chill down his spine. Roman's lips were soft and plump, coated in a familiar strawberry lipgloss that Roman applied almost daily. Logan loved the feeling of them against his own, the spark that appearened whenever they kissed.

Roman's breath hovered over Logan's lips once he pulled away. "Uhm excuse me? One quick kiss? That will not do, Teach," he scoffs,"Especially for a prince? " Roman adds teasingly, leaning himself closer towards the other, reducing the gap between them.

Logan sighed, rolling his eyes,"You are so needy, Prep, " he counters, smiling tenderly at his boyfriend. "You're lucky I love you," he whispers leaning in to initiate the kiss. Logan arms draped around Roman's neck, melting into the contact. He could feel the tension in his body begin to melt away and the two shifted their position. Logan allows his eyes to blink closed and to move his hands away from his neck and to his side, softly rubbing at Roman's hips as they kissed.

Roman slowly pulls away with a gasp, panting as he attempted to regain his breath. "We're gonna have to tell the others at some point Nerd," he points out, "I mean we can't keep it a secret forever," he admits.

Logan simply nods, connecting their foreheads together with a sigh. He exhaled, "I know Roman, surprisingly you're being smart right now, which is unlike you," he replies.

Roman scoffed, he stammererd, "ignoring your JAB AT ME MICROSOFT," he gawked, "we should probably tell them soon, maybe tonight at dinner?" he offered, slowly ghosting his hand over Logan's befor intertwining their fingers.

Logan squeezes Roman's hand, he leans his head against Roman's shoulder and he can feel his boyfriend gently rub his thumb over his hand.

Roman sighs, "I know its hard for you," he starts, "but I promise you we can still take it slow if thats more comfortable for you, and honestly I want to tell them. It's EXHAUSTING not being able to scream to the ENTIRE WORLD that you're mine and that I'm your prince!" he exclaims dramatically.

Logan opened his mouth to speak when their moment was cut short by Patton's yelling from the kitchen.

"Dinner Kiddos!" Patton calls out, placing four plates around a small circular table.

Roman glanced over at Logan, "are you ready Specs?" he asks softly, his voice quiet and tender. Roman wanted this so badly, but he didn't want to force Logan into anything.

The dinner table was loud as usual, constant chatting between the four of them as they all scarfed down the food Patton had made them. However, Roman could tell Logan was deep in thought as he ate. Roman himself even could notice the thoughts spiralling around his head.

Roman fidgeted with his food, gripping his fork tight as he just moved around his pasta around the plate. Which was odd for him, since pasta was his favorite food.

Roman inhaled, clearing his throat, "I wanted to tell you guys something," he announced, eyeing Logan across the table. "Well actually, we wanted to tell you something," he corrects, gesturing towards Logan.

Silence lingered in the air for a moment as eyes darted to focus on Logan. Logan swallowed the saliva building up in his mouth, "We're dating. Roman and I have been together for months now," he explains.

Patton and Virgil made eye contact, Virgil biting his tounge in attempt not to laugh.

"Oh Kiddos, "Patton starts,"We already know. You two aren't as secretive as you think you are. "

Virgil rolled his eyes, huffing,"The walls also arent necessarily quiet, and I stay up late, " he narrows his eyes, eyeing them up and down.

"And clearly so do you two, "he smirks, amused with himself as he noticed Logan's glasses begin to fog.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #logince #logince fanfiction #logince fanfic #roman sanders #logan sanders #tssides #ts sides #ts sides fanfic #logince fluff

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vinbee631 · 2 years ago

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Learning the Proper Way

Roman doesn't know how to dance, and he doesn't want to learn. Too bad he has to.

after a teensy hiatus, I'm back! I will get all the logince week fics written at some point lmao

quick warning, there is a mention of character death here, and the grief process. if you would like to skip past that, I left a little warning where that section starts and ends. safe reading, my friends! <3

thanks for being here, and enjoy my silly thing for day 5: dancing

In just under a month, the King had plans to host a celebration, crowning both of his sons as the heirs, ruling together as a team whenever their father eventually abdicated the throne.

Of course, Roman was thrilled about this development. While under a technicality he was the eldest male and eligible for the throne, the idea of ruling an entire kingdom by himself was ridiculously daunting. Having Remus as a guaranteed presence, and getting to make decisions with his input, sounded much more manageable.

However, he had to get through the party first.

And parties, for the traditional royal, meant ballroom dancing.

The twins’ father, Thomas, was usually all about breaking the harmful traditions and stereotypes of leaders past, but he truly enjoyed the dancing, the live music, and the intense amount of people to talk to.

Roman typically enjoyed these, too. As children, there hadn’t been any pressure to participate in anything that made them uncomfortable, so they mostly spent time talking to aunts and uncles and cousins or copying the dancing of the adults around them, and ultimately failing at it and settling for spinning around the room at speeds that probably could have taken a group of dancers out if they weren’t careful.

This time, however, as the future kings, there would be an expectation for at least a bit of traditional dancing.

This meant Roman needed to learn how.

Both of the boys did, but they would be receiving individual lessons, considering the trouble they could get up to if they were working together.

That was probably the best idea, to separate them, but it also meant that Roman was completely alone, doing something he really did not want to do.

Well, perhaps not completely alone.

“I’m going to step on your feet the whole time. This is going to be miserable,” he warned Logan, his best friend who had nobly volunteered to assist him in learning for the next few weeks.

Logan rolled his eyes, beckoning for Roman’s hands. “The whole point of these sessions is to teach you. I do not expect you to be prodigious, but you have to at least appear to be able to dance by the last of the month, yes?”

Roman grumbled, taking Logan’s hands reluctantly. “This is so stupid. Can’t I just- hover on the edge of the ballroom like Virgil so loves to do?”

“Virgil is Captain of the Guard,” Logan replied in exasperation, “and is typically under strict orders to be surveillance, not a dance partner. Besides, you are one of the Crown Princes. If you would like to explain to your father why one of his heirs is going to be hiding away from people all night just to avoid the fact that he doesn’t know how to dance, you are welcome to.”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Roman groaned. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to be happy about it, though.” He let out a put-upon sigh, beginning to sway along to the music with Logan.

“Somehow, I was not expecting you to enjoy it,” Logan gently teased, fighting laughter at the sight of Roman’s pout. “You’ll be alright. We’ll take it slow, if nothing else, to avoid you stepping on my feet as much as we can.”

Well, Logan may have jinxed himself with that, considering Roman then went on to accidentally step on his feet.

Four times, in fact.

Roman sighed again, breaking away from Logan’s grip to fold his arms over his chest. “I hate this. I’m not any good at it, and that’s obviously not going to be changing anytime soon!”

Logan waved a hand, pausing the music. “Roman, dear, we’ve been practicing for ten minutes. I was not expecting you to be passable on your very first try. Dance is an art, a skill, and it required practice, proper practice, to excel at it. You still have over three weeks to learn, and you will get there by then, I am certain of it. But you will never get there if you choose to give up at the start.”

Roman rolled his eyes, unfolding his arms and holding them out for Logan to take. “Stop being so smart and right and whatever and just start the damn music.”

“If you say so, my prince.”

The rest of the lesson would continue similarly. They continued to work at half speed, and they had some pretty good moments where everything was going smoothly and there seemed hope for Roman yet.

And then, he would make a mistake, step on Logan’s foot again, get caught up in the moves and miss something, and they’d be back to square one.

Logan, despite the calm front he was putting up, was beginning to get frustrated. He understood that Roman was having a hard time, but it wasn’t like him to give up so easily, and so frequently. Yet, once Logan began to talk, it was easy to coerce him back into trying again.

By the fifteenth time the two had separated in the first hour, Logan desperately needed a break from this behavior (and perhaps some headache medication).

“Is there a particular reason you are being so difficult about this?” Logan waved the music away once more and pulled up a chair to sit for a moment. “I do not mean that in a judgemental way, and I am not… too upset about it. I am merely curious why you seem so- disinclined to learn properly.”

“I just- I really hate dancing, okay?” Roman grumbled, his pout slightly hidden from the way his head tipped downward. “I’m not interested in learning properly because I am not interested in learning, that’s all.”

It didn’t seem like Roman was even convincing himself of that.

“I hope you’ll forgive me for not believing that. You do not have to talk about it if this is making you uncomfortable, but I would like to know the cause of your distress. It will likely make these lessons easier, and… it is not pleasant, seeing you upset.”

“Aww, he does care after all!” Roman teased, his grin not quite meeting his eyes. “But uh, I guess I should talk about it, yeah? Might make things easier than if I just avoid it forever.”

“Possibly,” Logan responded, frowning out of concern for his friend, “but again, you do not have to talk about it if you are not ready. There is no pressure here for you to share anything too personal.”

“You are making quite a big deal of me being pissy about dancing lessons,” Roman continued to tease.” Seriously, though, I am going to talk about it. I just… I could use some time to figure out how to explain it. Perhaps at the next lesson?”

“Sounds good. I suppose this would be a good spot to wrap things up, anyway. I should have some more tips for you then, but if you have any questions before then, please do not hesitate to come and find me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Now, I’ll see you later. I want to see how Remus is doing.” Logan nodded, waving to Roman as he closed the door behind him.

He hoped that, perhaps, Remus would be able to lift Roman’s spirits a bit. The two could get up to all kinds of things if left to their own devices, and that may be a good distraction from whatever was bothering him.

Oh shit, wait.

"Roman! Get back here! The two of you had better be supervised!"

…

By the time their second lesson rolled around, it seemed Roman wasn’t actually ready to talk.

Logan was far from upset. He was still a bit concerned about his friend, but if he had something going on and felt a need to talk about it, Logan continued to remind him that he would be available to listen whenever Roman needed it.

At least their next practice went a lot more smoothly. Roman was still ridiculously upset whenever he made a mistake, but he was still receptive to Logan’s reassurance, and their breaks between working out the moves became smaller and smaller.

This time, they were able to make it to about two hours of dance before they called it for the day.

Logan was beginning to feel a lot more optimistic about their end result.

Until Roman showed up to their third session, being dragged along by the ear by his brother.

“Ro, you have to get this over with. It’s not gonna be any easier if you hide.” Roman whined, swatting at his brother’s hands. “Let go of me! I’m going, I’m going, dammit!”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You’re just behaving now cuz Logan’s here. Go on, show me what you’ve learned so far?”

“You’re going to be disappointed,” Roman grumbled, but he met Logan’s hands on the ballroom floor without any further complaint.

Logan blinked, searching Remus’ face for any sort of explanation for their behavior, and ultimately receiving none. “If… if now is a bad time for you, we… we can always postpone for-”

“No. Now that I am already here, I would like to get this done as quickly as possible, please.” Roman’s voice was clipped, slipping slightly into the more formal speech he adopted for council meetings and talking to other rulers. It certainly didn’t provide Logan any reassurance, but he didn’t get another chance to question it, as Remus had already started the music.

He had planned to introduce Roman to full-speed dancing today, but he had a feeling that wouldn’t be a very well-met suggestion. Instead, they stuck with what they’d been doing, dancing at a slower pace, with Logan offering tips and reminders as they went.

All things considered, Roman did a very good job. He only made one small mistake, and instead of getting upset and throwing himself out of Logan’s arms with a huff, he simply sighed and kept going.

Logan wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be concerning or not.

About twenty minutes into their practice, Remus stood, gently tapping his brother on the shoulder.

“May I have this dance?”

Roman nodded, smiling slightly as Remus took his hands, swinging him around way faster than his previously established speed. Roman yelped, giggling as he tried to keep up with his brother.

Logan watched with a smile on his face, discreetly increasing the pace of the music and watching the twins laugh as they tried to keep up. Inevitably, it got too fast, and one tripped over the other and they fell to the floor, bright, genuine smiles on their faces.

“See? Told you we’d have fun.” Roman smiled, a bit sadly, and the two shared a conversation in their expressions that Logan couldn’t interpret. Not that he needed to, it seemed the two had something important and private to work out.

“Alright, I’ll quit takin’ up poor Lo-Lo’s time. Good luck with the rest of it, I’ll be with Dad when you’re done if you wanna join us.” Roman nodded, allowing Remus to hoist him off the floor before he left.

“Shall we continue, then?” Roman nodded, meeting Logan a bit more reluctantly than he had his brother, but Logan would have been a bit surprised if he hadn’t.

He just wished he knew the source of Roman’s hesitance. Whatever it was, it was a great deal to him, and Logan wanted more than anything to find a way to help make things easier for him.

However, he couldn’t do anything if Roman didn’t tell him how to help. So instead, he continued working with him, teaching him ways to make complicated moves look easy, ways to conserve his energy so he could dance for hours if needed without getting too out of breath, and so much more.

He pretended not to notice how Roman became more and more closed off the closer they got to the date of the dance.

Maybe everything would work itself out.

…

Logan was much less confident of those things working themselves out when, just a week from the fateful day, Roman didn’t shop up to the ballroom at his assigned time.

Well, it wasn’t too abnormal for him to be a minute or two late, especially lately. Logan gave him the benefit of the doubt and stayed, wandering around aimlessly while he waited.

After fifteen minutes of waiting, he eventually gave in and went looking for the missing prince.

He wasn’t in his room, nor Remus’ (who had thankfully agreed to help Logan search for his brother) nor the number of guest rooms scattered around the palace. Remus checked the kitchens, the courtyard, and the garden, and came up Roman-less.

Well, that left them with just one option left.

The two hesitantly made their way to King Thomas’ chambers. They knew once he found out, there would be a whole battalion of guards searching the palace and surrounding area for the prince. They had tried to avoid that outcome as long as possible, for Roman’s sake, but they did need to actually find him.

In the end, it was Logan that pushed the door open, Remus clinging to his heels and peering over his shoulder.

They were surprised, but mostly overwhelmingly relieved, to see Roman with King Thomas, the King smiling gently at the two boys in the doorway.

“Roman, I believe you have some visitors if you are up for it.”

Roman sniffed (sniffed?) and turned to face where his father was looking. “O-oh, hi.” Logan wasn’t quite sure he felt a twinge in his chest at the sight of looking so- small, but he pushed that aside for now.

“Hey, Ro. Not doing so great, huh?" Roman nodded, and Logan swore the twinge was growing stronger. "S-sorry for makin' you worry. I probably- s-scared you by not showing up to lessons."

Logan shook his head instantly. "That's not your fault, Roman. Yes, I was a bit worried, but only because I feared something had happened to you. I'm not upset that you made me worry, and you shouldn't be either."

"And look at that," Remus joked, "you proved the nerd does actually care about us, congrats!" When Remus' attempt to lighten the mood barely moved the corners of Roman's lips, they knew they were dealing with something big.

"Alright, Ro, no more jokes for now. Do you need to talk about it? Lo and I are great listeners."

Roman hesitated, and Logan didn’t miss how his eyes briefly flickered toward him, before his gaze settled firmly in his lap, the question still unanswered.

“I can leave if you would like to speak in private, Roman. I will not be offended if you need space.” Roman quickly shook his head, letting out a frustrated huff.

“Having a hard time with words?” Remus asked, and he seemed completely unsurprised when Roman nodded in return. “That’s fine, take your time Ro, I won’t let him go anywhere.”

Logan let out a small huff of laughter as Remus pulled him to sit on Thomas’ bed next to Roman, and then planted himself firmly in Logan’s lap, mirroring their father and Roman’s position.

The four waited in comfortable silence, and Logan listened as Roman’s breathing slowly relaxed, the sniffling from earlier vanishing.

“I… well, I’m having a hard time explaining because this is something I’ve only talked about with my family. I’ve never told Logan… and I want to! But it’s… it’s anxiety-inducing, very much so.”

Logan nodded in understanding, reaching out a hand to hold one of Roman’s. “I know you already specified you did not want me to leave, if at any point it gets too overwhelming, I can give you space. Regardless, you are safe here, and you may take as much time as you need to figure out how to express your feelings.”

“Are you out for my job, Logan?” If Thomas were any other type of ruler, that kind of statement likely would have terrified Logan. But he had been used to Thomas’ light-hearted teasing for a long time. After all, he was the one the twins had picked it up from.

Roman nodded, taking a deep breath to collect himself. “It’s… this is related to the dancing stuff before. I may be making a bit too big of a deal about it, but as soon as we first talked about the obligation I have, it’s been… I guess, hanging over my head.

“When me and Re were really little, when… when Papa was still around, we spent a lot of time learning all kinds of stuff from him. He had a… more difficult time expressing in words how much he loved us, so we’d do things with him, instead.

“He used to take us on trips outside the palace, he taught Rem how to hold a sword, but I was too scared to, and…

“He used to dance with us.

“It wasn’t really… I never properly learned how, and I probably would have sooner if he didn’t… yeah. But, whenever I’d really get into learning how, it just… I couldn’t think of anything else but him, and…”

Remus had gently moved out of Logan’s lap so he could wrap Roman in a tight hug, and Logan would have joined him if there were any space.

“Oh, Ro-bro. I wouldn’t have made ya do all that practicing if I’d-”

“No,” Roman cut him off gently, wiping his tears on his sleeve, “I’m glad you did. I wanna learn, I think it’s a good thing that I’m processing all this now, too. If you hadn’t pushed me, I probably just would have ignored it for an even longer and even unhealthier amount of time. I think this is what Papa would have wanted. So, thanks."

“You’re awfully quiet over there, brainiac. Wanna share what’s on your mind?” Logan nearly smiled at the old nickname. Thomas had been using it since he was a boy, and he found it didn’t get old, however juvenile it was.

“I… well, I too wish I would have known sooner, but I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share that with me. I’m just… I’m very sorry, Roman. King Nico left us far too soon, and I... I wish there was more I could say or do to help.”

Roman rolled his eyes, nudging his brother out of the way. “Re, budge, I gotta knock some sense into our resident brain cell.” Roman scootched himself out of his dad’s lap to sit in Logan’s, pressing their foreheads together.

“You did help, dummy. You are helping, just by listening to me. I… probably wouldn’t be going through with this if the lessons had come from anyone else, even Dad or Remus. So, quit being all bummed, that's supposed to be my job right now.”

Logan huffed, lightly flicking him on the arm. “I’m not ‘bummed,’ I’m upset for your sake, although that is reassuring. I am… glad you are feeling better, though, and if there is more I can do, please do not hesitate to ask.”

"Gee, do you like me or something, Lo?” Roman teased, pulling Logan in for a tight hug. “And I thought I was a dummy about feelings, geez. So silly.”

Logan scoffed, but he didn’t break away from the hug. “I am not silly. I do not know what you are trying to insinuate, Crown Prince.”

“I’m insinuating that you are silly, and I will die on this hill! The silliest ever! A positively goofy guy!”

Logan rolled his eyes, pulling back from Roman just enough to make eye contact with Remus and Thomas. “Please, back me up here. He is being entirely unreasonable.”

“Hm, I dunno, I think I agree with him. You can be kinda silly. What kinda goofball reads books for fun? Seems pretty silly to me.”

“Don’t forget all the research projects and presentations he’s made to prove a point. Those have to be included,” Thomas added, much to Logan’s embarrassment. Oh, gods, they were all going to gang up on him, weren’t they?

“Yeah! And there’s all the formal talking he does, even when he’s just with us. It’s like, that’s his normal way of speaking, so goofy!”

“And the telescope we installed in the balcony of the library just so he could tell us about the stars?”

“Y’know how he’ll distract pushy nobles from bugging me by talking about crazy stuff, like how he spent an hour talking to Lord Cassius about modern agricultural developments because he was pushing me to get remarried?”

“Oh my gods, yes! We can’t forget how many times he’s literally run into us because he’s thinking too hard or reading something.”

“And how many times have we caught him up working at 2 am because he got swept up in it?”

“Yeah, the jury’s out, Lo, guess you’re just the goofiest ever, no contest. Oh, oops, we broke him.” When the three of them finally finished picking on him, Logan was bright red, hiding his warm face firmly in his hands.

“Our bad, sorry Lo. You doing alright down there?” Logan let out an embarrassing squeak, the other’s laughter doing nothing to help him calm down.

“I… I am fine. You… you all are- incredibly mean. How do I ever put up with you?” The three nobles laughed, and Logan found that actually, he didn’t mind all the teasing. It was just how this crazy family showed they cared about him.

And he cared about them, too.

…

The party itself went well, the preparations going a lot smoother without the cloud of dread hovering over Roman’s head.

He even seemed excited about it now, which made a very happy feeling settle comfortably in the chests of his family and friends.

All in all, the party was a large success. The announcement went over well, and not a negative word was heard about the unconventional choice of the king, only hopeful and positive remarks about the twins’ future reign together.

The rest went off without a hitch as well. Thomas was an incredible host, it almost seemed as if he was talking to ten people at once with all the socializing he did. The twins followed suit, happily accepting all the prattle from excited royals and citizens alike about their future prospects.

And at last, closer to the end of the night, the band set up and the music began.

Many excited couples flocked to the ballroom floor, along with Thomas, as he was happily tugged along to dance with whoever asked politely.

Remus quickly followed his father, dancing surprisingly cleanly for someone with a reputation for much more chaotic and silly things than traditional ballroom dancing.

Unlike his brother, Roman was a bit more hesitant. He stayed behind for a while, keeping up the socializing instead of diving right into dancing. Logan wasn’t surprised, but he had an idea to ease his friend’s nerves.

He gently tapped the prince on the shoulder, politely interrupting Roman’s conversation with a noble Logan hadn’t been introduced to before.

“What’s up, Lo? Enjoying the party so far?” Logan nodded, gently squeezing Roman’s hand. “Of course, your father organized it after all. It wouldn’t be anything other than perfect. Although, I have a quick proposition for you if you aren’t busy.”

“Anything, Lo.”

“May I have this dance?”

Roman blinked, and his surprise quickly melted away into a small smile. “Yes, Logan, yes you may.”

ahh h/c my beloved

my ao3 :)

#sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides #ao3 fanfic #tumblr fanfic #roman sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #hurt/comfort #dancing #royalty #minor character death #figured i should warn you about that #loginceweek2023

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years ago

Text

Mute

Prompt: I absolutely adore your writing! Could I ask for a request too, please? I was thinking of a back-and-forth between Janus and Logan, just lies after truths after lies, until one snaps and accidentally causes the other to lose the ability to speak? Since they can both technically change the reality around them. Either the recipient becomes forcibly mute or the very angsty "sowed up mouth" method. Whoever caused the other to lose their speech freaks out and tries their best to fix their mess while apologising. Either a platonic or romantic ending -whichever you decide- but with at least a happy ending please? - willowaudreykeyes

Thanks for the prompts, babe!

Read on Ao3

Warnings: sympathetic janus, logan gets his mouth sewn shut but it's okay we fix it

Pairings: can be platonic or romantic I don't care, but we hit logince, rociet, lociet

Word Count: 2922

He doesn’t even remember how it started.

Or, an argument between Logan and Janus spirals dangerously out of hand, and powers in the Mindscape are sometimes more curses than blessings.

It hadn’t been something Thomas knew about, it hadn’t been a group discussion—he doesn’t think the others know where they are. Virgil is probably in his room, Roman is working in the Imagination, Patton is baking with Remus.

He doesn’t remember how it started.

He does know how they got here.

“I fail to see what use this is,” Logan had grumbled, standing up from the library table, “I will be better off figuring this out myself.”

“Oh, yes, of course, because that’s always gone so well for you in the past.”

Logan’s eyes had flashed with anger he still denies he has. “I fail to see what gives you the opinion that you have any right to complain.”

“Because I’m certainly the one saying that I’ve done all my best work alone.”

Janus had smirked cruelly as Logan shoved his glasses back up his nose and pointed a finger at him. “Your track record, may I remind you, has certainly shown that.”

Janus had thrown his head back and cackled, filled with mirth that sat like rot in the pit of his stomach. “And yet I managed to do so much more in the few times I appeared than you.”

“Oh, like that’s the same thing.”

He had held his hand to his mouth in a mock gasp. “Why, Logan, surely you can’t be insinuating that you think the others are incompetent. How hurtful, what on earth would they say?”

“I did not say that.”

“But you meant it, didn’t you?” Janus had morphed his expression into a mock pout. “They’re all so slow, so irrational, all they do is get in the way, they’re so irritating.”

“You’re attempting to convince me that I said something I did not,” Logan had said firmly, “it will not work. The meaning of my remark, as you are aware, was that you, as your role in the videos, have an easier time disrupting the flow of conversation that I do as a member of the main cast.”

Logan had ignored—or perhaps not noticed—the subtle tightening of Janus’s fist. He had simply sniffed and looked down his nose.

“And even then, it’s a surprise you haven’t been more capable.”

Janus had bared his teeth. “Yes, because obviously, you could’ve done better.”

“Oh, please.” Logan had tucked his notebook into the crook of his arm. “Can you name one of your haphazard schemes that actually worked?”

Janus had gritted his teeth as Logan opened the notebook and began to read down the list.

“Your attempt to get Thomas to lie to Joan failed when Roman started to believe that lying was wrong as well, leading to Thomas discovering your true identity.”

“By all means,” Janus had growled, “keep going.”

“Most notably, your attempt to get Thomas to go to the callback backfired quite spectacularly—something that wouldn’t have happened in quite the same fashion had you actually let me participate—“

“Keep talking, Logan,” he’d said again, inching closer to the nerd, “that’s a wonderful idea.”

“—and of course, led to what is the most disruptive event in recent memory,” Logan had continued, undaunted, “the wedding.”

Janus hadn’t even bothered with words this time, reaching for the notebook with a growl. Logan had tucked it away before he could reach it.

“Tell me,” he had said, “was it worth it? Knowing how much it cost us?”

“Surely,” Janus had growled back, “then you know it’s not because you didn’t do your job well enough.”

Logan had stiffened. “What are you talking about?”

“Well surely you haven’t realized that the reason I was able to make it into that video in the first place,” Janus had said smoothly, sliding back into the ‘villain’ persona Logan has so graciously cast him in, “was that you were so painfully easy to replace.”

“Falsehood,” Logan had said lowly.

Janus had raised his hand again. “Oh, so you did notice. Splendid. Then you know that when it comes to pushing blame around the Mindscape—“

He had leaned closer.

“—you’re where we should be looking too.”

“I am—“

“Easy to overlook,” Janus had sung, prowling around Logan in a circle, “easy to silence. And surely there’s no correlation between when you attempt to override the others and when Thomas gets hurt. You want to talk about my failures? Then let’s not forget getting the others trapped in Patton’s room, shall we?”

Logan’s fists had tightened. “That’s not—“

“After all,” Janus had continued, speaking over him to illustrate his point, “if I’m to blame for knocking all the dominos down, you certainly didn’t give me a hand setting them up.”

“As if that in any way equivocates to what you did,” Logan had spat, the emotionless facade finally giving way as he whirled of Janus, “I did not use, manipulate, and lie to get the others to do what I want.”

“Oh, of course you didn’t.”

“And if I did, my lies would be nowhere near as comically obvious.”

“Ah, yes, of course you’re never comical.” Janus had tapped Logan’s flushed cheek. “The possibilities of you being a joke have always been…infinitesimal.”

Logan had bared his teeth as Janus chuckled. “At least my concept of a joke never hurt anyone.”

Logan’s mouth had tugged up cruelly too.

“Setting Remus loose on Thomas when you knew he was already upset, pushing the others to follow on whatever path you decided was best. And let’s not even start on what you did to Roman.”

Janus had flinched.

“Have you ever apologized?” Logan had shaken his head. “For everything that you’ve done to hurt him?”

“Have you?”

The room had dropped several degrees.

Janus had dropped the villain persona, staring directly at Logan.

“You want to talk about hurting the others, hurting Roman,” he had said lowly, “what do you think it is that you do?”

Logan had opened his mouth to speak but Janus had raised a finger.

“No. Do you know how much you’ve hurt him? Over how many years you’ve made him ashamed of who he is?” He had shaken his head. “I know I’ve hurt him. But you don’t seem to recognize it.”

He had looked Logan up and down, mouth curled in disgust.

“Maybe I’m not good enough at my job for your liking, but I sure was good at yours.” He had raised an eyebrow. “Maybe they wanted you silenced permanently. They did press the ‘skip’ button, after all.”

He had looked for the shadow of the bruise on Logan’s neck.

“And it was so easy to replace you. To silence you properly.”

He had turned away, not bothering to look at Logan’s face.

“Maybe I should do them a favor and keep you quiet.”

There had been a strangled gasp behind him.

“Oh, what,” Janus had drawled, turning around, “did you finally realize you don’t have a smart comeback for…”

The room had frozen.

…so that’s how they got here.

Janus, standing a few paces from Logan, turning back to face him, the sharp quip dying on the edge of his lips as his mouth drops open in horror, staring back.

Logan, his eyes wide, shining with unshed tears, glasses blurred and obscured by the bright light shining from the golden stitches that sew his mouth shut.

Logan raises trembling hands to his mouth, feeling the stitches, tears rolling down his face. His fingers disappear into the bright golden light as he fumbles with his mouth, until he realizes that he can’t.

The strangled scream lingers in Janus’s head long after Logan shrinks into a crouch on the floor.

No.

No, no, no, no—no, not Logan. Not Logan.

“Oh, god—“ Logan’s hands keep pressing fruitlessly against his mouth— “no, oh, god, Logan—“

He runs back, ready to crouch and pry Logan’s hands away before he hurts himself, chest splitting open from the ache of hurting the poor thing like this.

He doesn’t think it could hurt more.

Like so many other times today, he’s wrong.

The instant Logan catches a glimpse of him moving toward him, he shoves himself away, scrambling backward until his back hits the wall. Eyes wide, breathing as heavily as he can through the stitches, utterly terrified.

As he has every right to be.

“No, no, Logan,” he murmurs frantically, “no, it’s okay, I’m not trying to hurt you—“

Does it matter that you’re not trying? You certainly were earlier.

“—I promise, Logan, please, I’m—I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

Through the pants, the sobs, the shakiness of his chest, Logan huffs, disbelieving.

“I didn’t, Logan, I promise.” Janus drops to his knees in front of the crying man. “I—we went too far. I’m sorry, I didn’t know this would happen, I didn’t mean to, please—“

The poor thing presses himself further against the wall. Janus swallows, feeling guilt press hot and heavy against the underside of his tongue. He reaches out, trying desperately to show him that he’s sorry, he didn’t mean to, he doesn’t actually believe anything he just said, he’s nothing but a liar, a horrible liar, please—

“I didn’t mean it, Logan, I promise, you’re—you’re not replaceable, I don’t want you silenced, the others don’t hate you, they don’t want you gone, I’m sorry—“

Slowly, too slowly, and not slowly enough, Logan’s breathing begins to settle. His eyes lose that awful whiteness and he slumps a little against the wall. His cheeks are damp, his glasses knocked askew, but he stares at Janus and slowly, slowly, nods.

“L-Logan?”

Another nod, a little less hesitant.

Janus’s shoulders slump. “Oh, Logan, why does it always end up with you being the better person?”

A tiny quirk of the eyebrow, nowhere near Logan’s typical sass levels, but it’s enough. It’s enough. Enough to make a weak smile come to Janus’s face.

“Can I come over, please? Can I come help?”

Logan nods, still wary as Janus shuffles across the floor. Before he makes it all the way there, he tugs off his gloves and stuffs them in his pocket.

“There,” he says quietly, wiggling his fingers to get used to it, “don’t want the fibers getting caught on anything.”

Logan’s wide-eyed stare tells him he knows why Janus really took the gloves off. Something Janus confirms a moment later.

“And I want you to know that I mean it.” He reaches forward. “Can I touch?”

Logan still flinches when Janus runs his thumb carefully over the cruel stitches sewing Logan’s mouth shut. He winces as he takes in how taut the thread is, how many stitches there are.

“Oh, Logan, I’m so sorry,” he mumbles, “does it hurt very badly?”

Another miserable nod.

Then it clicks.

Logan.

The one who submits least to the Imagination. The one who tethers himself tightly to the fact that they are metaphysical, they are subjective, they need not subject themselves to real-world consequences of whatever nonsense the other Sides pull.

Logan still has the stitches.

It threatens to break Janus’s heart all over again.

“Oh, sweetie,” he murmurs, cupping Logan’s face and slipping his glasses to the top of his head, “I’ve hurt you more than this, haven’t I?”

For indeed, if Logan is too upset to remember how to pull himself out of turns of phrase, then the poor thing is distraught.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” he murmurs, gently wiping away Logan’s tears, “it’s okay, sweetie, I’m not going to hurt you, it’s over, I’m not angry, I’m going to take care of you.”

And oh, the way Logan pushes shyly into his hands feels warm.

“Does this help, sweetie, is this alright?” At Logan’s nod, he moves, tucking Logan’s legs across his lap with his other hands. “Come here, yes—that’s it, shh, I’ve got you, you just focus on me.”

Logan’s eyes fall closed and a muffled whimper comes from his throat.

“I’ve got you, sweetie, I’m right here,” Janus murmurs, still cupping the poor thing’s head as it leans into him, “shh, shh, let’s get you a little calmer before we have a look, okay?”

Logan gives a huff of ‘what do you think I’m trying to do?’

“I know you know that, sweetie,” he chuckles, lifting Logan’s head to gently knock their foreheads together, “you’re clever. Our resident brain cell.”

He wraps one hand around the back of his neck.

“It’s just like what you taught us, remember? Object impermanence. This won’t last forever. I’m right here. You were so brave, you are so brave, so wonderful, so sweet…just give yourself time, sweetie, it’s okay.”

Logan relaxes a little in his hold as he keeps talking quietly. The poor thing gets over his hesitation and buries his face shamelessly in the crook of Janus’s neck.

“Shh, shh, that’s it, sweetie, easy now—“ Janus cradles him as he sets his glasses out of the way— “I’ve got you. I’m right here, sweetie, I’ve got you. It’s almost over, now, you can do it, shh.”

Another muffled noise from Logan.

“You’re not easily replaceable,” Janus says firmly, “you’re not unwanted. You’re not a joke, the others know how much you care about them, how much you help them, how important they are to you, how important you are to them.”

He tilts his head to press a kiss to Logan’s temple.

“How important you are to me.”

The golden light dims, sputters, and vanishes.

“…sweetie?”

Logan pulls back, carefully rubbing his fingers over his stitch-free mouth. He opens and closes a few times.

“Ouch.”

“Are you alright, sweet? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

“I know,” Logan says quietly, “I’m sorry too. That…escalated very quickly. I did not mean the things I said either.”

He squints.

“Oh, here—“ Janus passes him his glasses.

“Thank you. But that’s not why I—what were we arguing about, to begin with?”

Janus huffs a laugh. “I had been meaning to ask you that question.”

“Well, whatever it is, it must not have been very important.”

There’s a moment of silence.

“I’m sorry too,” Logan repeats after that pause, “you are not just a villain, you are not incompetent, and you…you are not to blame for everything that has gone wrong.”

Janus chucks him lightly under the chin. “Neither are you.”

“I know that, intellectually, and yet…somehow, it remains difficult for me to grasp.”

“Because even though you’re Logic, sweetie,” Janus says, “you’re Thomas’s Logic.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Because Thomas is, frankly, something of a dumbass.”

It startles a laugh out of him at any rate.

“I mean, that also makes you a dumbass.”

“Oh, I’m perfectly aware.”

Logan’s smile is wonderful. “What is it that Roman is quite fond of saying?”

“That he’s pure of heart, dumb of ass?”

“That’s is.”

“Well, it’s true.”

“It is.” Logan frowns. “Even if he’s far more intelligent than he gets credit for.”

Janus nudges him. “I hope you know that you can be big of brain and dumb of ass at the same time.”

“Ah. I see.”

There’s another moment of silence as they reflect on what’s been said. Then Logan nervously adjusts his tie.

“Speaking of Roman…”

“I was about to say.” Janus gives his knee a pat. “Shall we see if we can find him?”

“I believe his business in the Imagination should be done.” They help each other to stand, Logan keeping a grip on Janus’s sleeve. “Should we check his room first?”

“I think so.”

Roman, of course, swings open the door with a cheerful greeting, the role of the pompous prince firmly in place until he takes in their tear-stained faces and he melts, dropping the act almost immediately.

“Oh, my darlings,” he coos, cupping each of their faces in a hand, “what’s the matter? Why do you look so upset?”

“May we come in, please?” Indeed, poor Logan looks as if he’s about to melt into Roman’s arms. Janus can’t talk, though, he’s about to do the same.

“Of course, come on, let’s get you sat down—“

Roman bustles about the room, fetching them a glass of water, sitting on his bed with them, almost bursting into tears himself when he hears what’s happened and promptly telling them they’re going to spend the rest of the day right here, in comfy clothes, watching ridiculously obscure documentaries until Patton and Remus call them down for dinner. They keep a hand on each other at all times, laughing at Janus’s snarky responses to awful narrators, Logan’s quick corrections when the information is out of date, and Roman’s impersonations of the strange wildlife. Roman’s room is pleasantly noisy and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

He doesn’t remember how it started, but he will always remember how it ended.

Curled around each other, in the warmth and safety of the people who care about him.

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#dragonbabbles #fic #sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit

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the-sunshine-dims · 3 years ago

Note

Ooooh you're doing prompts! How about...

40. "I'm annoyed, to say it mildly." with Roman and any other Side(s) of your choosing? 😊

The storm of feelings that come

Sorry this took so long! I accidentally made this a lot longer then I meant too, but I hope you like it

Words: 6093

Ao3

Summary: Logan and Roman start getting close after putting others first, and for the first time in a while Roman’s really happy.

And then Roman realizes he had started catching feelings for him.

And he panics.

Contents and warnings: crushes, logince, hurt/comfort, panic attacks, self hatred, self esteem issues, angst, angst with a happy ending, perceived unrequited crush, self isolation,

________

It had started a little bit after pof. Roman had felt outcasted, unwanted, and so lost.

He couldn't talk to Patton or Virgil about it, he was terrified of being yelled at for being too selfish time and time again and never learning from his mistakes if he went to Virgil, and he just couldn't go to Patton, he couldn’t even force himself if he had wanted to, everything was too new. and obviously he couldn't go to Janus or Remus.

And he hadn't gone to Logan.

Because despite everything else, despite him being the only one he hypothetically could go to, he'd been scared, because while there was still times Logan let bias get in the way, most of the time he was completely factual— more so recently, so if he said Roman was awful, undeserving of his title of “prince” undeserving of everything he had and that everyone else had been right- he couldn’t handle that on top of everything, especially if he went to him for comfort.

It would feel worse than anything anyone else could say.

So, of course, he hadn't gone to him either.

And the fact he hadn't was probably the most important,

Because Logan had actually seen this, seen him, and despite their rocky relationship, had invited him into his room for tea and they had talked, not about the heavy topics, Roman, despite all his anger and sadness and pot of other stewing emotions he couldn’t identify, he felt like if he got any of it out in the open right now he might explode, it was just too fresh, and he was pretty sure Logan had both understood and felt the same, so instead they had talked light topics- not small talk, but topics that made them both happy.

Logan had seen him and opened his arms for what small comfort he could provide.

And he’d done it all on his own.

And before they had even realized a couple of hours slipped by and Roman had to leave.

And then Roman came right back.

And Logan had welcomed him back, made some more tea, and this time it wasn’t Roman who lead the conversation, Roman had asked a question about something small, he actually couldn’t remember what it was, because as soon as Logan got distracted with another topic— the ocean— and then space. he hadn’t even wanted to spend time to think if that meant missing it, missing the way his eyes lit up and the way his hands practically shook with excitement as he just passionately ranted, even if Roman didn’t really understand some of it.

But as soon as it had started it had dissipated, much to Roman’s dismay. maybe ten minutes, and it was gone and Logan had shrunk into himself a little bit— little enough that if you hadn't actively been paying attention to him you wouldn't have even noticed, before holding his head up high and not making eye contact, trying to pretend he hadn’t gotten excited and instead change the topic, it was a small plee of ‘look away, don't pay it any mind, please,’

And Roman knew he had no room to say anything in the first place, they were friends sure, but they weren't close by any means, he didn't have the right to say anything, so he had just accepted it, easily switching to the new topic and watching as some— not all, of the tension left from Logan instantaneously.

Honestly, even if he had had the right to bring it up he had no idea what he could say.

A prince that couldn't even help someone

Perfect, just what everyone needed.

And just like before after a couple of hours, he had left once again.

and then he had come back.

and then he’d come back again.

and again.

And again.

And the more he came back the more he absolutely craved Logan's company, making him small gifts and large gifts, sometimes even inviting him to his room, and after those times started making it clear Logan was always welcomed in his room.

They had even started talking about their emotions, their anger, their anguish, and despair about the whole event, not at length, but they had talked about it,

and Roman, in the few short weeks, was so happy again.

Roman absolutely treasured Logan and every second he got to spend with him, sometimes when they both had to work they would just walk into the other's room to sit there and they would both just.. work, together, in complete silence besides the occasional curse and following snicker, every second he spent with him he was absolutely euphoric. and he quickly just couldn't fathom how he could genuinely insult Logan and make fun of Logan or think he wasn't as brilliant as he was.

And he couldn't possibly understand how he had thought of him as boring.

Because he wasn't, he just wasn't. And Every Time he got Logan to laugh or smile or scoff at something Roman said that he knew was absolutely outrageous- and even more when after a couple more weeks Logan stopped even attempting to pretend or withhold any of his reactions or interests— Roman just got more of a confirmation of that, he just couldn’t understand how he hadn’t absolutely adored him until now, especially because now every time logan so much as smiled roman was just over the moon happy, and ever so honored Logan had allowed him to get so close.

And.. he felt so guilty for ever treating Logan so poorly, and he tried to get over it, he had apologized to Logan pretty early on in the visits and Logan had forgiven him.

But he still felt guilty, because really did he even deserve the kindness Logan had offered after everything he had done? Had he really deserved the help and comfort and solace Logan had offered and provided?

Had he deserved to be able to see Logan happy? Such an honor seemingly only awarded to people Logan trusted, sure everyone had hurt Logan, but he especially had hurt him, and out of everyone why had he been the one that Logan decided to get close to? If no one else Virgil and Logan probably got along the most regularly, Virgil still hadn’t been particularly kind to Logan— but he had caused the least amount of damage.

So out of everyone how could he possibly have earned Logan's kindness and respect, how had he earned Logan's beautiful happy smiles and laughter that turned into giggles and snorts when something humorous happens, how had he earned Logan’s trust to be the one to hear his excited rambling, or to hear the way his voice got just a little squeaky when he was talking about something he loved, or to see the way his eyes lit up every time Roman actively engaged with Logan interests or the way his ears got all adorably red every time he was embarrassed, the way he could go on and on about his favorite topics until his grin was so wide his cheeks hurt and his face was red and he just looked so stunning and happy and he just wanted to kiss him—

Wait

...people don't think about their friends like that...

Do they?

And that was where it went wrong, Roman supposed.

Because that’s when he realized something very important.

He liked Logan.

And that realization just made everything worse.

Because there was no way he would ever tell Logan, he may be a lousy excuse of a prince but he would never even risk the chance of Logan feeling pressured to say it was requited, and even if he didn’t feel pressured there was still— in fact a bigger chance that Logan would be uncomfortable with him, at least for a while, and Roman just couldn’t handle that, and maybe him not being able to handle that was more selfish than selfless- but still, he never wanted Logan to feel uncomfortable, especially with him.

And Roman was so bad at keeping secrets, he tried, he tried so hard, and he did his best never to tell anyone, but he was impulsive, loud, and he couldn’t handle people ignoring him so if they were he tried to do everything he could to gain it back.

So most of the time he had to preoccupy himself and kind of hideaway from everyone who didn’t know the secret, and when everyone was allowed into the secret he was so loud in declaring his relief, so annoyingly loud,

And now the only person he’s been hanging out with can’t know.

And even if he does pay attention to Roman- more than anyone really does, even before everything. Just being around him would constantly remind him.

And he would want to share what’s on his mind with Logan, he always did, at this point, it had become routine, every time they hung out they went over what happened recently that they wanted to share.

But he didn’t want to just up and abandon Logan even if it would probably be good in the long run if he was able to suppress his emotions and maybe find another adorable charming prince to fawn over.

But if he wasn’t able to, Logan would just feel abandoned and Roman still wouldn’t be able to continue being with him.

So despite everything telling him to just go on an adventure, and that Logan will be just fine without him, it was only a couple of days, hell he’d probably treasure some time alone from Roman—

He didn’t want to, and he wouldn’t, because what if there was an emergency? Or what if Logan needed him? What if something happened to him because he was preoccupied—

..maybe he could pretend to go in the imagination? It was still a bad idea but those were all he was good at anyway, so maybe he could hangout with Logan and near the end tell him he was going on a quest so he could then hide in his room to try and figure everything out. he’d say something like ‘oh I’m gonna go on a big quest in the imagination I should be gone a week or so” so There’s no chance Logan felt abandoned, and he could have just a little bit longer to hold close to his heart in case everything still went wrong, and he could have time to figure out what to do and how to repress it.

So he does, he goes to Logan's room and knocks on his door just as he always does.

And nothing.

And just that makes something sour settle in his stomach.

But still, he knocks again calling out a soft “Logan? It’s me,”

And then all he gets is a “Roman, I’m sorry, but I’m busy.”

And Roman, despite knowing he shouldn’t have tried in the first place, despite knowing that it was a bad idea, felt like he was going to cry, all of a sudden he felt so much worse than he should have, he was busy, it was fine, he couldn’t take up all of his time. And he didn't know why but his chest felt heavy, like lead, and his throat felt tight, he didn’t know why he was so emotional— regardless, he took a breath before speaking trying to keep his voice from showing any of it. “Okay specs! I just wanted to tell you I’m going on a longer quest in the imagination and I probably won't be back for a couple of days, maybe even a week!”

and he made the move to leave when he heard an “okay bye, come back safe.”

And Roman was probably imagining it because his brain was setting him off at every little thing.

But he swore Logan sounded relieved when he said he was leaving.

Of course, he knew there were times Logan was annoyed he was there and thought he was too loud, too impulsive, too selfish, too sensitive, too dense, but he thought that had started being left in the past but maybe he had just been hiding it, not wanting to hurt his feelings, and maybe his patience had been wearing thin-

No, he was probably just having issues with as social as he’d been, Roman was lucky he hadn't outright kicked him out. He wasn’t Virgil; he shouldn't jump to conclusions when Logan probably just needed some time to himself.

That had to be it. right?

————

Logan.. doesn’t know what happened.

Everything had been good, really good, and he valued his time with Roman highly.

And it had been even easier to work, he hadn’t gotten burnt out once since he and Roman started hanging out, and it had been far more entertaining working together.

But now he couldn't even be in the same room as him without forgetting everything else and paying attention exclusively to Roman, even when they were both supposed to be working so Roman wasn’t even looking up from his sketchbook, nor was he even saying anything, not even a swear at messing something up, just silence as he tried to come up with ideas good enough to be put through a second draft.

But Logan still couldn’t stop focusing on him, on every little thing that he did, all of it Logan found oddly endearing.

And he tried over and over again to focus on his work, the stuff he needed to do, and he just.. couldn’t, his thoughts kept returning to the side next to him.

He didn’t know why or what happened to cause the sudden thoughts,

But he had to work.

And he couldn’t do that when his mind was obsessing needlessly over the way Roman’s face scrunched adorably in concentration or the way his hair fell into his face, obscuring his view but he didn’t even notice, only even realizing when he went to rub his eyes, or the way when lost in concentration he would hum sweet little melodies to himself.

So he needed some time away from Roman- he had to work, it would probably go away in a couple of days anyway, and he needed to research and find out why his heart had been beating so much faster around Roman (theory one: Roman is a cause of stress as he frequently takes risk at his expense and is prone to injury) —or why he thinks about him so often, most of the time he's not even near him, and he doesn't think about any of the others nearly as much.

…he doesn't even have a theory for that.

Maybe he's coming down with an illness? He had always hated colds and had commonly felt strange before one. It would make sense.

Still, he wanted to spend time to document the feeling, try and figure out what exactly it was a symptom of.

So, when Roman had come to his door- though he had a weird feeling settling in the bottom of his stomach for it- he had told him he was busy, and when Roman had told him he would be gone for a week or less he had felt both relief and immediately crushingly alone, though there was no reason for it, his emotions just hated him he supposed.

Because as he replied and heard Roman’s footsteps get farther and farther away he just felt worse, even though he’d been planning to be alone for a bit anyway, it didn't make any sense but he continued feeling it. and he hated it.

_______

Roman had thought it was a good idea to hide away from everyone- mostly Logan, in his room and pretend he was on a quest, well he hadn’t thought it was a good idea but he’d thought it was the best he had as it gave time to think everything over and figure out a solution- not much time, but time, and he didn't have to actually go in the imagination where he would get preoccupied with daring quests and dragons, but he still wouldn't be found because no one knew he was even in his room, if anyone asked Logan- the only person with an even vague location— he was in The imagination.

So he would be able to find a solution to either lessen the feelings enough where there was no way Logan would ever suspect and he wouldn’t have the urge to tell him.

Of course, he didn’t have to get rid of them completely— though it would be convenient, fall in love with another darling prince that he could ramble endlessly about, but as desirable as that was, it was in no way probable— much to his chagrin, but at least lessening the feelings was far more doable than getting rid of his feelings entirely.

Though the more he thought about it, Honestly he still didn’t know if he’d even be able to do that much in a couple of days.

And even more honestly, he didn’t know if he would manage that long without seeing Logan, maybe he could last without hanging out with him for the regular couple of hours but no talking? no defeated sighs as Logan laid his head on Roman's shoulder? Not even getting to sit in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes— nothing? Yeah, He was sure he wouldn't last.

But he had to, even if he was miserable in the time away from his brilliant Logan he needed to find a solution in the time he had, Logan had been so nice to him he wasn’t going to disrespect that and tell him something he knew would make him uncomfortable, it wasn’t gonna be a cute ‘getting together’ story, it wasn’t a fairytale, there wouldn’t be any ‘happy ever after’ and that was just it.

It wasn’t those cute fics- friends to lovers— or enemies to friends to lovers—

He didn't know why he had to convince himself to try and find a solution.

Blind research was always daunting, sure, but it had never stopped him.

And it wouldn't now.

It wouldn’t.

God why couldn’t research be easy, it never was but the more he looked the more frustrated he was, he looked at both simple google searches like ‘how to get rid of a crush’ which spoiler almost always said something along the lines of “accept your feelings” or “talk about it” both of which he couldn’t do because if he did he’d risk someone that he loved a great deal and he'd prefer not to, and he’d even looked at some news outlets and websites advice, and he was honestly horrified to see most of the so-called ‘advice’ was pretty much telling you to avoid them until the feeling went away, and honestly, he highly doubted that was effective, as well as you just ruin any relationship with that, what if that took months? Or even years, to get over it? even if he isn't good at being a prince that’s just pretty unchivalrous—

God, Why couldn’t he just snap his feelings away? He loved grand gestures and cute cliches and Romantic words and all but he couldn’t lose Logan, and none of this research was helpful, and no matter how much more he looked he couldn't find anything.

Of course, he liked the idea that maybe just maybe it was possible Logan liked him back and he could take Logan on picnic dates just the two of them as they made each other laugh— or that he would be able to go out on long beautiful walks with logan in the imagination and tell him facts about things they passed that Roman knew about so he could actually impress him— or that Logan would be comfortable enough to let Roman dance with him for the first time, only stopping when they both fell down- laughing too much and smiling too wide to continue— of course he liked- who was he kidding? Of course, he loved the idea,

But he couldn’t dwell on the idea as much as he longed to, it would only hurt his friendship.

God, he didn’t know what to do.

Well He did, he did. but he didn’t know how he couldn’t ignore Logan forever- he’d already done way too much of that and despite what everyone thought he did learn from his faults. and he didn’t know how to get rid of the beautiful- and icky, feelings, and if he went to Logan with it still fully present he would end up telling Logan, he hated keeping secrets from the people he loved, and he would feel like he was lying constantly if he didn’t— even by omission and he just didn’t ever want to lie to Logan, no matter what.

And even if he was somehow cool with keeping secrets from him, Logan was smart, mostly book smart rather than street smart as he wasn’t the best at identifying what he felt but he was still smart, really smart, and he would immediately catch onto something being wrong.

Even if he didn’t know what was wrong he would know something was wrong.

What could he do? Everything was out of his control and he couldn’t go to anyone for help and everything was so daunting and he just didn’t know what he could possibly do, he hadn’t even been able to sleep since he told Logan he was going on a quest, all the sleep he did get interrupted and nightmare filled.

He was frustrated, and he couldn’t do anything besides sit around and try and get rid of his feelings but he was Thomas’s creativity, his Romantic side, and he knew he couldn’t actually do anything to get rid of them, he had hoped yes, hoped there was secretly a way to easily and quickly get rid of them, but there wasn’t, and deep down he knew that, fully believing he could find a way was simply foolish.

He knew he was doomed.

He couldn’t do or change anything.

And Just that thought sent him spiraling, hundreds and hundreds more instantly running through his mind, tears pricked his eyes— god he was so dramatic.

His chest hurt, and he couldn’t breathe- it felt like he was suddenly drowning out of nowhere and he couldn’t do anything.

How could he keep Logan from hating him? He hadn’t meant to, he hadn’t caught feelings for him on purpose, he had tried to stop them from progressing, he had even tried to get rid of them, maybe Logan would understand? But Oh god what if he didn’t—

What could he do?

Everything was going to end— the talking, the light banter, the getting to see him happy, the just existing near him— everything he had started holding dear— close to his chest, everything he had tried to protect.

It was all going to be gone.

And he couldn’t do anything and he wouldn't have anyone he could go to because once Logan had made it clear he didn’t want Roman near him ever again he would do his best to stay away from him, he loved and he respected him that much—

And all of a sudden he couldn’t see, his eyes were blurry and his face felt gross and splotchy- and no matter how much desperate wiping he did he couldn't stop the gross warm tears— Great another thing he couldn’t control.

And His chest hurt so much— it felt tight and everything was just wrong and he couldn’t do anything.

He hadn’t even realized his shaky— so stupidly shaky— legs started carrying him out of his dull and tacky but safe room and to another’s.

He only noticed when he was right in front of Logan's door and he just realized he suddenly had two options laid out before him; knock on Logan's door and receive comfort— Logan would always comfort him especially since he didn’t hate him yet— or try and find his way back to his room on legs that could barely stand and risk being seen by people that do probably hate him now.

And he knew it was selfish, and Logan would hate him even more for it later.

but god did he want his best friend right now

So with trembling hands he knocked— only then thinking about the fact Logan had thought he was in the imagination and he’d only been gone three days and Logan would know he was lying— and god on top of that did he really want Logan to see him a sobbing— barely breathing, mess? He probably looked absolutely awful.

He should leave, just leave, if nothing else Logan would still think back on him as brave, eager, strong, even when he should’ve just given up.

At least Logan won’t think back on him as pathetic.

Why won’t his feet move.

Why won't they just move.

He almost flinches as he hears the door open, Logan right behind it, and Roman could see Logan about to say “I'm sorry Roman I'm still busy” the beginning of the sentence even stumbling out before he took in Romans appearance and the whole thing died on his tongue instantly.

“Roman..?” Logan asked quietly, before the door swung open and his voice began rushing out worriedly, “what happened? Are you alright? come in, come in.”

and Roman really couldn’t say no to Logan not after he showed up on his doorstep like a stray kitten, so Logan helped him in, bringing him over to sit on the bed before he quickly closed the door.

And then he was right next to him again and Roman was still drowning, everything still hurt and he didn’t know quite what he expected but he just wanted it to be over.

“Roman, can you hear me?” He nodded the best he could and Logan seemed to be happy with that “alright can you breathe with me?” Roman didn’t think he could, he couldn’t breathe with himself and he tried to do anything he could to please people sure- but just because a person was there— even Logan, he probably still wouldn’t be able to— why did he go to Logan if he wouldn’t even try the thing Logan said? Logan was just trying to help why was he so stu-

“Roman, please- firefly, breathe with me, just try, please,” he asked, making the move to exaggerate his breathing, and Roman did, he tried, it wasn’t working, he was still hyperventilating and his chest still ached but he tried and Logan looked so proud of him.

And as his mind got caught up he’d called him firefly, and god that just made him sob more and his face more sticky and gross and he couldn’t help just collapsing into Logan, and Logan tensed for a second and all of a sudden Roman was terrified but Logan relaxed almost immediately and awkwardly wrapped an arm around him as he continued to exaggerate his breathing.

And his chest was still tight and he still felt like might throw up but it was suddenly easier to follow his instructions— not easy, by any means, it felt like he was squeezing his lungs like a stress ball, but it was easier.

And eventually Roman wasn’t hyperventilating as much anymore, he didn’t know how much time had passed, it felt both like forever and less than a minute, but honestly? He didn’t care, it wasn’t important and he was more focused on trying not to pass out from the exhaustion.

He heard a small noise as something was summoned and when he looked up he saw a glass of ice water being held right in front of him invitingly, Roman thanked him quietly before taking it, taking a few small sips, yeah Logan was ‘real smart, Roman was probably super dehydrated, maybe it would even help with his newly noticed headache.

The two sat in silence, not quite uncomfortable but definitely not comfortable, Roman still leaning on Logan's shoulder as he sipped at the water slowly.

Roman saw Logan's mouth open before pausing and snapping shut and Roman knew that now the questions would come, the confusion the ‘did you lie to me?’ The-

“What happened?”

He hadn't quite expected that as the first question now that he wasn't choking on tears but he was just glad Logan hadn't yelled at him, or if he planning too he was glad he wanted to know Roman’s perspective beforehand, so he took a breath, trying to decide how much to tell him, before answering “so I started feeling less then marvelous… and so I may have made up the quest to hide away in my room ‘till I found out how to feel better and then that weird awful icky thing happened and hit me like a bus so I went to you—and you know the rest. I’m sorry I lied.. “

Logan seemed to be processing the words, thankfully never seeming angry, before he moved to look him in the eyes, “Roman I’m not mad don’t worry, but sweetheart that was a panic attack,” Roman paused, no that didn’t seem right Roman didn’t have those- Virgil did and probably Logan too, maybe even Patton, but Roman didn’t. “Roman if you don’t mind me asking why hadn’t you told me you had been feeling unwell?”

Roman paused.

Because he didn’t know how to answer that, of course, Logan would never force him to answer a question like that anyway but he didn’t want to make it seem like he didn’t trust Logan with stuff like that and only came to him when he wasn’t even thinking clearly.

And he couldn’t lie to Logan- he never could, even before they’d gotten close, Logan just saw through it, saw through him, every time.

He looked down uncomfortably before moving away a little bit— for Logan's benefit, though obviously, he didn’t know it yet as Logan looked confused and like he was about to apologize for the question- god he knew as soon as he was around him again he would tell him, when he thought about it it wasn’t quite this scenario but still.

He put his knees up to his chest before taking a shaky breath and speaking “before I start, I expect nothing and if at any point you are uncomfortable you can kick me out of the room immediately,” he looked to Logan to make sure he understood.

Logan still looked confused and concerned, and just a bit curious, “alright I understand.”

Roman nodded to himself before looking down again “okay so you've been so kind and thoughtful and you’re just absolutely brilliant, so my idiot brain kind of created a crush and I did try to just ignore it- I promise I did, but then- I think it became just a little more and I'm impulsive you know that so I kept almost telling you and I really don’t want you to be uncomfortable or hate me so I tried to find a way to lessen it or get rid of it entirely and I couldn’t— and then I— everything just got too much and I guess I spiraled a bit and I really don’t want you to hate me— though I don’t blame you if you do now— and then I guess I just couldn’t handle it— and that’s why I didn’t tell you, I’m sorry— I’m so sorry—“

“Roman, take a breath, it’s okay. even if you did have control of your brain making surplus chemicals for specific people, it wouldn’t make me uncomfortable— not even on a hypothetical level, and I don’t hate you, and knowing you, I never will,” he told him softly, not even a bit of hesitation in his voice “Roman, it’s okay. We’re alright.”

And despite his usual confident and boisterous self he couldn’t help the small “are you sure?” From escaping.

And just the way Logan's features softened somehow even more as he gazed at him and the way he softly went “oh honey” made him want to melt.

And Roman did not start crying again— that was until Logan opened up his arms invitingly, just smiling at him tenderly. and then he absolutely did, as he tried to scuttle to Logan the quickest he could and Logan just patiently waited, his arms remaining open, and he especially cried when he finally managed to throw himself into Logan’s arms, causing a soft ‘oof’ at the force, and Logan just smiled and closed his arms around him— a little stiffly but just from inexperience at comforting in this kind of situation.

And he just— god he was grateful for Logan, even if he hadn’t given him comfort for something that honestly shouldn’t of even been that big a deal— but he was Roman he always made everything so much bigger of a deal than it was— even if Logan had just said he didn’t hate him he would’ve been so grateful, but instead he had been so sweet and had helped him and man Logan was just absolutely the best.

He couldn’t help burying his face into Logan's shoulder, and when Logan reacted only by rubbing circles in his back Roman just hugged him harder— how did Logan, Mr. ‘I don’t have feelings’ Sanders, know just how to make everything better?

Gosh, He was so smart.

Roman smiled a little, relaxing into Logan as it slowly stretched into silence- though far more comfortable than earlier, the only sound being the clocks steady ticking.

Eventually, Logan did move the both of them to the head of the bed instead of awkwardly sitting near the edge, and Roman only then realized how absolutely and utterly exhausted he was, he’d known he was to an extent sure but now just holding up his arms required effort, and a lot of it.

And apparently, Logan saw him dealing with the effects of minimal sleep and a panic attack as not a moment after that thought somehow there was a blanket covering him and Logan turned to face him so it would be easier to continue clinging to him while trying to sleep.

Roman smiled— a little toothily, at him, trying to convey a thank you without having to actually speak, Logan seemed to understand as he smiled back before getting comfortable and summoning a book, probably to entertain himself.

And Roman may not be great with real-life subtext, but he knew enough to know- as well as it was just obvious, Logan was perfectly alright with him sleeping there, so he let himself relax completely.

And meanwhile, Logan read his book- filled with a lot of interesting topics as well as it gave symptoms to crushes, which he wanted to know so he could support Roman through it, he also didn’t want to somehow mess up their relationship completely by not understanding things, and he was sure the book could help with that.

So he casually read, occasionally getting distracted by other topics and gazing at Roman before getting to the list— which even had little subsections, very organized, and oh—

“That’s uh— that’s— I’m annoyed to say it mildly.” He said to the room as he gazed at more words that described his feelings around Roman.

Roman tensed at the words, looking up instantly, and Logan just glanced at him before looking away awkwardly, unsure how to deal with the brand new information and suddenly extra unsure how to say it.

“So good news—“

Later after Roman’s nap they would talk about everything, they would talk about if they actually wanted a relationship or if they wanted to take a little bit for Logan to get used to the idea and Roman to get used to Logan liking him, and they would discuss Roman’s view on himself, Roman so heartbreakingly confused at the start because he just thought it was fact. And they would discuss so much more, talking until they’d even changed topics to a cool book Logan had found.

And much much later they would be together, logan smiling fondly as Roman went on about fairy tales and ghost stories and so much more.

And then they would be together as Roman, Patton, and Janus sat down and discussed all of their personal faults and apologized.

And then they would be together, just like before but so much closer as they talked and talked and talked, just leaning on each other and listening, so overwhelmingly happy.

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wish-i-wasnt-a-coward · 3 years ago

Text

Love me normally

a/n: this is not my favorite thing I’ve written, but its the third draft and I have 0 energy to fix it. The first draft I did followed the song, love me, normally by Will Wood, line by line (pm me if ya wanna read it) but this one is more on vibes. Hope you like it, if you could reblog it or give a like I will love you forever (not normally thorough :D) @aromantic-trash-panda here it is, after soooo long.

Also HAPPY NEW YEAR YA’LL!!!!!!!! Hope the new year is better for all of us

Pairings: Logince

Warnings: internalized aphobia, ‘self deprication’, crying, ‘sex mention’, let me know if there anything I missed :)

Word count: 708

—————————————

It had been good while it lasted, nay, fabulous! But Roman knew at the very least, this was the beginning of the end.

He’d seen it happen before, boyfriends and partners annoyed, dismissive, or even angry when he revealed his identity. He knew it wasn’t fair to them, that he couldn’t love them the way they wanted, but he just couldn't.

He had pretended to enjoy it many times but the idea of… doing the deed with anyone made Roman want to vomit. Which is why when Logan, his boyfriend of 2 years brought it up Roman was quick to change the subject.

But he couldn’t ignore it forever, they were adults and communication was important. Roman owed Logan the truth, at the very least.

Roman shook his head, a final attempt to shake out the silent screaming that filled it. He glanced around his room, the red walls seemed to laugh at him as he stood.

Roman paused in the doorway, his hands had begun to shake. He really didn’t want to lose Logan.

“Are you alright Roman?” Logan asked from his corner in the living room. He was sitting back with his legs crossed in a red armchair next to the fireplace. He held his book delicately and had wedged a cup of tea between his leg and the cushion to keep from spilling it.

“Yah, I’m fine. I was just wondering,” Roman took a deep breath and sat down stiffly on the couch, he needed to do this. “that conversation we had last week about…”

“Sex?” Logan finished “If your not ready yet I won't be angry, I just thought we should talk about it”

Roman nodded, “I know, it is important to talk, but… what if I’m never ready. Like, I would marry you but we still just didn't do it?”

“That would be fine”

Roman stared at him, “what?”

Logan blinked, “What is the question? It is perfectly alright if you don’t want to have sex Roman, even if we get married”

Roman didn’t understand, why didn’t he care? This was kind of a big part of a lot of romantic relationships, and Roman couldn’t give it to him.

“I just-” Roman started, “I’m not used to that kind of reaction, I can’t… you know, love you normally”

Logan looked horrified, the information must have been kicking in. Roman couldn’t help but feel relieved, he understood this reaction made more sense.

Logan carefully placed his book and tea on the coffee table and moved across the room. He kneeled in front of Roman, taking the man’s shaking hands on his own.

“Roman. I don’t know who told you that an aversion to sex was a bad thing” Roman stared at Logans watery blue eyes.“But they were wrong, you do love me. Perhaps not ‘normally’ but I don’t want normal, I want you”

“But-” Logan cut him off, “no buts, I love you not what you can give me, you”

Roman burst into tears.

Logan sat awkwardly for a few seconds before holding out his arms and letting Roman crumble into them. Roman felt himself being moved onto Logan's lap, he tightened his hold.

There was no way this could last, Logan would realize that never really meant never and Roman would lose him.

So Roman would cling to him while he was here.

Logan's hand idaly ran through Romans auburn hair, he hummed a melody from one of Romans favorite shows and waited.

He knew there was no way that Roman belived him compleatly, if he was correct Roman was dealing with a large amout of trama involving comming out as sex averse.

He knew would need to prove to Roman, as often as possible, that Roman was enough for him, and that he didn’t need more.

After Roman had calmed down they spent the day watching documentaries and disney movies.

Logan seemed to have decided that peppering Roman's face with as many kisses as possible was a new sport and by the time they were halfway through the first movie Roman was laughing giddily.

So perhaps their love wasn't normal, but it was enough for them.

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loganisanobody · 3 years ago

Text

Work of Hearts

(sorry I’m not very good at coming up with titles...)

For @enragedbees

Happy Holidays, Anna! I hope you enjoy your gift!

Part of @sanderssidesgiftxchange

Summary: Logan is having a little trouble figuring something out, and goes to Patton for help. But even when that’s solved, it seems Logan has another issue to attend to...

Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman

Tags: Roman angst, Pre-romantic Logince, Platonic Logicality

*****

Patton looked up at a knock on his door. He set down the scrapbook he was looking at and cheerfully called out, “Come in!”

The door opened slowly, and Logan wouldn’t quite meet Patton’s eyes as he stepped in. Patton cocked his head curiously.

“Greetings, Patton. I… I seem to have a… a problem…”

Patton gave him a reassuring smile and patted the bed next to him. “I’m sure it’s nothing we can’t solve together,” he said as Logan sat down. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I… I think I might be sick? Or allergic to Roman.” Logan said softly, staring at the floor, his hands gripping the bedsheets. “At least, that is as far as I can figure out on my own.”

Patton stared at him for a second, then cleared his throat to cover a giggle. “And what makes you think that?”

Logan stood and started pacing. “I seem to have some sort of reaction every time Roman is in the room, for a start. I feel flush, and my own logical processing seems to slow. Even after leaving, I have…” he waved his hand in the air, searching for words, “some sort of intrusive thinking, though positive!” he added quickly, “about Roman. As in no matter what I try to focus on, my mind ends up going back to him. I’ve had experiences of both nausea and excessive appetite. I can’t sleep at night, or anytime for that matter.”

He paused for a moment, then turned to Patton, his expression one of near-alarm. “You don’t think it’s a curse, do you? From his… Imagination?” he went back to pacing, more energetically than before. “Because I find myself more concerned than average about his well-being, about his likes and dislikes, about whether he cares about what I’m doing…”

“Logan, honey, come sit down,” Patton interrupted, deciding now was a good time to stop Logan before he got too anxious.

Logan did so, only looking up at Patton when the moral side took Logan’s fluttering hands in his own.

“Lo, honey… you’re in love,” Patton said simply.

Logan didn’t seem to register at first. Patton could almost see the gears turning in his wonderful brain, and he wondered if he had just triggered some that had never been used before. The thought made him sad, but he brushed it off. He waited patiently for Logan to process the depth of what he had just said, brushing his thumb over Logan’s knuckles.

After a few moments, Logan’s grip on Patton’s hands tightened. “L-love?” he whispered, his eyes looking back and forth at nothing as he thought. “N-no I… But I can’t… I’m Logic, I can’t…”

Patton released one of Logan’s hands to put his hand on Logan’s cheek, drawing his attention back to Patton. His heart wrenched at the pleading look Logan gave him, as if begging him to take back what he had just declared.

“Logan,” he said slowly. “You are not just Logic. That is your job in Thomas’ mind, yes, but you are so much more. So much more complex, so much more wonderful, than that. And you absolutely have emotions. I’ve seen you happy, and sad, and angry. And while I’m sure you’ve felt love on a platonic scale before, you are now experiencing it on a more romantic scale, for Roman.” Logan shook his head, looking down at the carpet again, his brow knit.

Patton sighed, a small smile on his lips. “Do you remember that time we were Sherlock and Watson? That time that I helped you figure out the problem? How would I have done that if I didn’t have some logic in me?”

Logan looked up at him again, his eyes searching.

“So doesn’t it make logical sense that you have some emotion in you? And after all, none of our functions could work completely on their own. Roman himself needs to have both logic and emotion for his creations to make sense and matter to Thomas.”

Logan was quiet for another minute, and again, Patton let him think.

“So I… I’m in love… with Roman?”

Patton smiled. “From what you’ve told me, yes, very much so.”

“W-what do I do?” There was the pleading look again.

“Well, you could tell him.” Patton brought his hand back down from Logan’s face and held his hand again. “You could ask him on a date. You could give him flowers, or chocolate, or a teddy bear—”

“A teddy bear?”

Patton shrugged. “If you don’t feel that expresses your love, that’s fine. Just do what makes you feel like best shows him your love.”

Logan nodded slowly, looking thoughtful again.

Patton continued rubbing his knuckles with his thumb, content in the quiet.

“W-would a poem work?”

Patton’s smile lit up even more. “Yes! That works. I’m sure he’ll love it.”

Logan nodded again, then stood. “Thank you, Patton. I… I have some thinking to do.” And with that, he was out the door.

Patton giggled.

*****

Logan hesitated, then knocked lightly on the door, other hand clutching the paper at his side.

There was no answer.

He furrowed his brow and tried again. “Roman?” He hated that his voice cracked slightly, and hoped the other side hadn’t noticed.

Again, no answer.

Frowning, paper in his hand all but forgotten now, he tried the doorknob and found it unlocked.

He slowly opened the door and peeked in. At first the room seemed empty, but then Logan noticed the lump on the bed.

He softly, slowly tread his way over the lush carpet. “Roman?” he called softly.

He frowned again as Roman’s face came into view. The other side wasn’t asleep, or at least, his eyes weren’t closed, and he was staring off into the middle distance, face uncharacteristically devoid of emotion.

“Roman?” Logan knelt next to the bed and hesitantly put a hand out to run it through Roman’s hair. At the touch, Roman blinked slowly, his gaze finally moving to meet Logan’s.

Roman gave a small smile, though Logan could tell it was forced. “Heya, Specs. What’s up?” His voice was heartbreakingly small, and Logan’s brain was screaming at him that this wasn’t Roman, this wasn’t Roman. His Roman was loud and confident and happy, as he should be.

“I should be asking you that, Roman,” Logan said, still running a hand through Roman’s hair. “Are you all right?”

Logan didn’t miss the flicker of something behind Roman’s eyes, something haunting and broken that was quickly hidden again behind the fake smile. “I’m fine, Logan. Just… have some things to consider, is all.”

Logan suppressed a frown, trying to keep his expression neutral and open. “Like what things? May I be of assistance?”

The flicker came again, slightly longer this time, and Logan could see something like hurt and fear in Roman’s eyes as Roman searched Logan’s face. The smile faltered. “I… I don’t want to bother you, Specs. I know you’re busy.”

Logan shook his head. “I have nothing but time for you, right now.”

Something in Logan’s heart twinged at the spark of hope that lit in Roman’s eyes, just for a moment.

“I… No, it’s nothing, Logan. I’m fine. It’s stupid.”

“Roman.” Logan scooted closer to the bed. “Whatever you’re feeling, for whatever reason, is ‘not bad, not strange, not stupid.’”

“Quoting others now, are we?”

“We all have things to learn from each other. That’s why Thomas is made up of all of us, not just me, and not just you, and not just Patton. We’re a team, even… if we haven’t exactly been acting like it.”

Roman looked away.

“Roman.” Logan said hesitantly. “I came here, to your room, this afternoon, because… well, for a few reasons… but one of which being that I want to learn from you.”

Roman looked up at him wonderingly.

“I know we… fight… rather often. And I… I will take at least part of the responsibility for that, because I think I just… didn’t… maybe still don’t… quite understand you.” He looked earnestly into Roman’s wondering eyes. “But I want to. I understand now that I have been working on the… faulty assumption that logic is… superior in some way. But… taking a step back, I can see how… how you, and how imagination and fantasy, have improved Thomas’s life.”

Roman shook his head, looking away with tears in his eyes, and Logan frowned.

“I could list the ways you have done so, though it would take quite a while. But maybe we should start at the root of the problem, instead of dancing around it. What were the things you had to ‘consider’, Roman?”

Roman still wouldn’t look at him, and he hesitated before responding.

“I’m the evil twin…” he finally whispered.

Logan’s hand stopped moving in Roman’s hair as he drew back at the thought. “Roman…”

“I am!” Roman shot back, propping himself up. “I make fun of others! I never pay attention to how anyone else is feeling. How many times have I been the cause of an issue, or made it worse? I’m so… so self-centered! Everything has to be about me! Everyone has to pay attention to me! I have to be right! But I’m not! I’ve never been!”

“Roman,” Logan said sternly, taking Roman’s hand. “You are magnifying.”

“I don’t even pay attention to you enough to know what that means!” Tears were streaming down Roman’s face now.

Logan shook his head. “That’s okay, Roman. It’s okay. Sometimes, we just aren’t ready to understand things yet, and that’s okay. Because it’s never too late to learn something. And I’ll always be here to teach you, okay?”

Roman looked at him uncertainly.

“Magnifying means that you exaggerate the importance of an event or multiple events, and in the process diminish the importance of others. You are exaggerating the moments that you like to pull the focus to yourself simply to have the attention, and diminishing the moments when you give good arguments for your point, both of which have happened.”

“But isn’t it annoying when I take all the attention for no reason?”

“Mildly so. But it is more gratifying to see you excel in your role and be confident in yourself than it is annoying to see you be confident without having anything to say. If anything, it would do the rest of us good once in a while to take a step back and simply be glad you are well and confident enough to do so.”

Roman looked confused and slightly taken aback at this, staring at Logan with slightly widened eyes.

“Another issue you addressed was that you make mistakes. That was not how you worded it, but again, you were magnifying. As for this, I’d like to say that we all make mistakes, and you should not put yourself to such a high standard as to never make mistakes. Thomas himself is human, and therefore imperfect. As his ‘fanciful, creative’ side, you actually might be one of the sides with the most free reign, in a way, to make mistakes, as fantasy is often full of plotholes in a way that reality doesn’t seem to be—though one could argue that there seems to be plotholes in reality all the time anyway.

“But even as his logical side, the side that would likely be least allowed to make mistakes, I assure you, I make them all the time. I do not enjoy finding out that I have made a mistake, no. But I do not beat myself up about the mistakes, and I move forward with intent to fix them and correct my actions in the future.”

Roman nodded slowly.

“Can you take a deep breath for me, Roman?”

Roman’s brow furrowed, but he took a deep breath in, then slowly let it out.

“Feel a little better?”

“Maybe a little.”

Logan nodded. “Good. I wouldn’t expect these feelings to go away as quickly as a simple conversation. I may not completely understand emotions, but I have gathered enough from Thomas’s experiences that strong emotions can sometimes take a while to move on from. But, Roman, I want you to know that you can come to me if you need me. I am willing to explain any of this again, or address any new concerns you may have.”

Roman nodded, looking down at their still-clasped hands.

“And Roman?”

“Hm?”

“You are not evil.”

Roman looked up at him, eyes searching.

“To be evil, one needs to intend the harm they may cause. I cannot believe you intend harm to any of us, even the ‘Others’. I do believe that you may sometimes act rashly and without much thought, which, especially when nervous or under what you perceive as an attack, can work against you. But there is never an intent to hurt underneath anything you say or do.” He smirked. “Except maybe to the ‘Dragon Witch’.”

Roman let out a chuckle that half sounded like a sob.

It was quiet for a moment before Roman spoke again. “Thank you, Logan.”

Logan gave Roman’s hand a squeeze. “Anytime, Roman.”

Roman nodded, yawning.

“You should get some rest. Big emotions can take a lot of energy.”

Roman nodded again, settling back into the bed, though still not letting go of Logan’s hand.

Logan started to stand, making to pull away, but Roman’s grip on his hand tightened.

“Stay?”

Logan looked down at him, surprised, but then smiled softly and nodded.

He set his paper on the nightstand and sat down.

“What’s that?” Roman’s eyes followed the paper.

Logan felt a blush creep over his cheeks. “Something for after you wake up. For now, you need to rest.”

Roman squinted his eyes at him, but relented and closed his eyes to go to sleep when Logan began to run his hand through Roman’s hair again.

And if Logan got sleepy sitting there and fell asleep next to Roman? Who was going to tell?

#ts logan #logan sanders #ts patton #patton sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #roman angst #logince #logicality #my writing

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 3 years ago

Note

One Word Prompt: Fish

Title: Scaled and Icy

Pairing: Platonic, familial Logince

Summary: “Oh, Virgil is going to hate him. He’s going to erupt in a rant about Logan being too impulsive as if Logan doesn't think out every action in a methodical manner.” Or. Logan decides to adopt an abandoned human child.

Word-Count: 1k

Warnings: Dubious Morally Grey Logan, Merfolk But They’re Like Fae!, Presumed Child Abandonment, Slightly Unreliable Narrator, Transformation, Emotional Manipulation, Mentioned Cannibalism (Kinda), Angst With a Kinda Happy Ending, Don’t Worry Roman’s fine, Probably, It’s Dark Fairytale Vibes Okay

Here, have another eldritch logan adopts a child au!

"You're like a fish!" The human child crows, his brown eyes alit with both wonder and joy. He couldn't be much older than three, possibly four. Which is all the more concerning, really, for where is his parents?

Logan blinks. "Not entirely but yes, I do share similar characteristics to them."

"Fish, fishy, fish-man!" The child declares, pudgy fingers reaching to touch Logan's bioluminescent blue scales.

"A-aahah--" Logan begins, moving slightly back, "Please refrain from touching people without asking their permission first."

He tilts his head, golden brown locks falling over his eyes. "Pleeeease can I?"

"Of course, thank you for asking."

The human child's face brightens at this. He reaches again, this time delicately touching Logan's scales with care.

"Whoa," The human child breathes in, "It'ssocool."

He then draws the hand away, resting it against the sandy shore. "My name is Roman and I wanna be a prince! What's your name?"

"You may call me Logic," Logan smiles, showing a slip of his sharp needle-like teeth. There's several rows of them unlike a human’s set of teeth.

This terrifies most humans, but not Roman who possesses the boundless courage of childhood. He leans closer, face scrunching up.

"Logic's a silly name." He declares.

Logan laughs, "Well good thing it's not my true name."

"It's a pretend name? Like make-believe?"

"Essentially, yes. You shouldn't give names away, they have power."

Roman doesn't seem to heed Logan's words, instead protesting, "Well, then, I wanna be Prince Romanul-us-ulus--Romulus then!"

Logan lets out a low, crooning noise, one generally meant to console young merlings. He never expected himself to so enchanted with a child, let alone a human one. Yet the instinctual parental drive is stronger than he thought.

"Well, Roman, would you like to be a prince?" Oh, Virgil is going to hate him. He’s going to erupt in a rant about Logan being too impulsive as if Logan doesn't think out every action in a methodical manner.

"Well, yeah!" Because Roman needs someone to look after him. His parents are clearly not doing a great job of it. He could've gotten swept up in the waves and died if not for Logan.

"Take my hand, come with me then, Roman." This is something the Ocean surely wills. She offered Roman to Logan and he must honor that.

"Okay!" Roman says, eagerly taking Logan's webbed hand.

And it's all Logan needs to pull the child underneath the water, wrapping his arms tightly before Roman can squirm away. Oh, how the child thrashes, his human instincts kicking in and trying to get him to go towards the surface.

It's alright though, it won't last long. Logan sings, thanking the Ocean for Roman. He won't beg for the Ocean to be merciful because the Ocean is not merciful. The Ocean will either let Roman live or She won't. It's something humans seem to fail to understand, time and time again, as they try their hardest to thwart Her will with their contraptions.

Soon Roman's thrashes go weak and the child is limp, heavy in his arms. Logan hums, rocking the child gently back and forth. His grin widens at the slits forming on the child's neck, acting as the opening for gills.

It's the only warning he receives as Roman's eyes reopen, a fiery red hue, as a piercing wail escapes his lips. The child’s soft, rounded baby teeth fall out as little rows of new merling teeth replace them. Still not full-grown teeth, but better at tearing through raw fish than a human’s dull teeth ever could.

"I know, I know," Logan croons, stroking his golden brown locks, "It'll be over soon."

Roman is not the first human Logan has seen the Ocean take as Her own. Virgil was one of the first Logan witnessed. He’d fallen overboard off a human ship, too young to know how to swim. Logan’s pod circled around his sinking figure, tails whipping with fervent excitement.

“He’s an offering from the Ocean,” Logan’s father had whispered to him, “Either he’s meant to become one of the Ocean’s children or he’ll perish and we’ll feast on his flesh.”

Virgil survived, snapping and clicking with the ferocity of a bullshark. Logan has an inkling Roman will be the same as his wails become more of a hissing, shrill noise.

His ears has elongated, tipped with small winged fins. Similar fins appear on the backside of his elbows and Logan suspects on his back as well. The most important part, of course, is when the human’s pair of tails conjoin together to become one. This is where many prove their unworthiness to be one of the Ocean’s own. They perish, a mockery of what a Mer should be; malformed and incomplete, a disgrace to the Ocean.

“Shhh, shhh, Roman, let the Ocean accept you as one of Her own, don’t fight it,” Logan continues crooning, adjusting his grip so he is only holding onto the upper half of Roman’s body. The sliver of Roman’s soul that is still human tries to use this to kick at Logan, to dislodge his grasp.

But this is hard when the tails become stiff, rigid as they become one, shimmering as ruby scales overtake soft flesh. The outerwear humans are fond of wearing tears, ripping to shreds as its unable to handle Roman’s growing unified tail. The tail itself almost makes up his original height but not quite. Roman’s tail twitches once, then several times.

“Rather an odd sensation for you I imagine, hmm?” Logan comments, tracing the edge of Roman’s finned ear fondly. Oh thank the Ocean, he never thought he’d be happy to have a child of his own until this moment.

Roman opens his eyes again, a good proper glowing red hue. “F-fishyman--Logic?”

“Yes?”

“I--I’m a fish too?”

“No, Roman, you’re not a fish. You’re like me--you’re one of the Ocean’s children now.”

“O-ooh. But why? It hurt so much!” Roman pouts, tail lashing angrily.

“That’s simply how it is, little prince,” Logan hums.

“Well, I don’t like it! Can I change back? I wanna see my mom and dad.”

“Now, Roman, you can’t do that. Your parents left you, they weren’t watching you like they should and now I will take care of you. You want to be a prince now, don’t you, Roman? Roman, you will be a prince and you’ll be so excited you’ll forget those humans ever existed, alright?”

Foolish, foolish humans. They really should’ve taught their child about the importance of names. That’s alright, Logan will teach Roman now and keep him safe.

“I do wanna be a prince, I’m going to be a prince, right?” Roman murmurs, yawning. The process of becoming one of the Ocean’s own is a tiring one. He snuggles closer to Logan, curling his tail around Logan. Something Mer instinctively do, to ensure they won’t drift away from their loved ones when they fall asleep. Logan smiles at this.

“Yes of course,” Logan soothes, “You’ll be my little prince and I won’t ever let any harm come to you.”

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #kat writes #logince

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tastic-in-its-finest · 3 years ago

Text

Wanna Spar? Chapter 1

Logince week 2022 Day 7: Teaching/Learning

Warnings and tags: Eventual fighting, weapons mention and possibly getting hurt, and boredom

Summary: Roman and Remus are as bored as can be, but Remus gets an amazing idea that eventually Logan gets involved in.

Written by: @tastic-in-its-finest, for @loginceweek2022

“Roman, I’m bored.” Remus was spiraled on one side of the couch and all he could hear was computer typing and the rumberness of a ball.

“I know me too.” Roman pouted in his sluggish position on the couch, he was viewing the ceiling as his brother was somewhere of reach. In Roman’s hand was a bright red ball that he would fling in the air and catch, but it got boring after doing it over and over again. It felt yucky and unpleasant to be bored, he wanted it to go away.

“Can we spar?” Roman suggested, Remus’ ears perked up and now he had his full attention.

“Spar?” Logan questioned from the dining table he was seated in, he was occupied by a computer, custom notebooks, and the dictionary. Roman was too tired to yell and too bored to move, if that even made any sense.

“Yea spar, fighting, dueling, bet it's in that fancy book of yours.” Logan opened his mouth but shyly closed it as he looked back at his computer. Roman catched the red ball as his hand squeezed it and threw it again. With his thoughts molding together, Roman had an idea that he was accustomed to.

“Hey Logan! Have you ever spared before?” Roman catched the ball then turned his body and propped himself on the couch so his overall face was facing Logan’s direction.

“Um no. I have not engaged in any physical activities that could lead me to be seriously injured or anything that includes weapons. Why?” Logan placed his pencil on the written page of the open notebook and leaned his body in interest.

“Perfect! We should spar!” Romans excitement was flooding him that it made him spring up even though he felt judgmental eyes.

“Weren’t we supposed to spar?” From the other end of the couch, Remus crossed his arms and legs and looked less pleased than happy. Remus was always grumpy when he was bored like a toddler, but really, Roman was the same way.

“Yeah but-- I spar with you all the time. You can always find something else to do!”

“Actually, I didn’t mean to intrude in your guys' business. You both can spar or duel and I will continue doing my work.” Logan rushed his sentence.

“No, Logan, you're going to spar. And Remus--”, Roman looked back to the two people that he accidentally put in this situation. Roman paused to think about what to do with Remus, Remus was just as bored as he was and he hated the feeling.

“We can.. Take turns! Have a championship of some sort.” Roman could tell that Remus liked the idea from his smile and the untangling of his own limbs.

“That’s not a bad idea. Although I must say, I don't exactly know the fundamental rules of sparring.” Roman sat normally but couldn’t process that Remus had gotten up faster than he had and was now hugging Logan from his neck.

“That's the point Logan! No rules unless you make them!” Remus picked Logan up from his seat without his consent, Logan's hand instinctively pushed him farther away once he had a grip about what was going on. Remus just did a small laugh and turned towards the prince who was still sitting normally on the couch.

“Okay, let's spar.”

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #logince #intrulogical #creativitwins #eventual fighting #sparing #i forgot to post this on tumblr #fanfiction #fanfic series #tastic writes

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rosepetalgold · 3 years ago

Text

this crimson thread of fate (has me bound to you)

Summary: When he arrives at college for freshman orientation, Logan Ackroyd doesn't expect to hate Roman Prince at first sight, nor does he expect that he just won't be able to get rid of his newfound archrival as the year passes, but maybe - just maybe - things will work out for the best.

Relationships: Pre-romantic Logince, a sprinkling of platonic Analogical and Creativitwins

Warnings: Arguing, references to past bullying, burn mention, fear of academic failure, imposter syndrome, emotional breakdown (not described in detail) -- angst with a happy ending

Word count: 6050

Notes: Day 1 of Logince Week 2022 (@loginceweek2022) for the prompt Proposal. This fic can be read as part of the series or as a stand-alone. Remus uses xe/xem/xyr pronouns; Janus uses they/he/she pronouns; all other sides use he/him pronouns at this point.

Read on Ao3

Masterpost

Shades of Blue and Red

start - previous - you're here! - next

Logan Ackroyd hadn’t quite hated Roman Prince at first sight, but it had been pretty close.

In Logan’s defense, he hadn’t been having a good day to begin with. It was hot under the late August sun, humid enough that his shirt was clinging uncomfortably to his skin with sweat, and the constant noise and activity of freshman orientation had been a constant assault on his sensory system all day. All he’d wanted to do was take a break and find somewhere quiet to retreat to for a little bit just so he could feel like he could breathe again.

And then Roman had arrived, preening like a peacock as he led his hall group onto the quad as if he owned it, loud and obnoxious and filled with the kind of overdramatic energy that drained Logan’s social battery just by being in the presence of it.

It had been more than enough for Logan to despise him on sight.

He was pretty sure that Roman hadn’t shared the sentiment of hating him at first glance. In fact, Logan knew he hadn’t, because he could distinctly remember their first interaction on that sweltering afternoon.

Their hall groups had been paired up to work on an exercise that Logan couldn’t even recall, some asinine activity that was supposed to foster, in the words of Logan’s entirely too peppy upperclassman orientation leader, “like, lifelong friendships and stuff!”

Logan personally hadn’t understood why, exactly, such a thing was necessary, given that this was an institute of higher education and not a preschool, but he’d already been informed that participating was not optional when he’d tried to leave that morning, so he’d just gritted his teeth and resigned himself to suffering through the rest of the afternoon in silence.

Except then Roman had declared that they were going to do things his way, and Logan couldn’t keep his mouth shut because Roman’s way was, one, ridiculous, and two, would take significantly more time than the activity required and Logan’s primary goal at the moment was to get out of this crowd of students as quickly as possible.

So he had suggested an alternative method to complete the exercise, one that was much more effective and therefore, in his unbiased opinion, objectively better. And Roman had laughed in his face, brushing off his idea so dismissively that Logan had been stunned into silence for a moment, the behavior all too reminiscent of the treatment Logan had endured for years in high school, the treatment he thought he’d left behind when he’d graduated.

Apparently it had followed him to college in the form of Roman Prince.

He’d tried to speak up several times after that, even more desirous than before to conclude this pointless venture in an expedient manner, but by then it was too late. Herd mentality had well and truly set in, the rest of the group easily following Roman’s lead, and any time Logan attempted to make a suggestion or explain why his way would be more efficient, he was talked over and squarely ignored.

By the time they had finally – after entirely too long; Logan’s method would have taken half the time – moved on, Logan was silently fuming, glaring at the back of Roman’s head and vowing to himself that his college experience would not be like his high school one, that he would not let this self-aggrandizing, egotistical prick treat Logan like he was stupid and expendable, like someone not even worth the time of day, like someone who could just be ignored.

The next activity on their seemingly never-ending roster had been a scavenger hunt across campus to help them familiarize themselves with the various buildings, the clues a combination of riddles, simple math and logic problems, and fill-in-the-blanks with facts that could be found in the orientation packets they had been given.

The orientation leaders had decided to organize it into two teams for some friendly competition, and Logan hadn’t even thought twice when he’d seen Roman’s hand go up to volunteer as a team captain, had just shot his own arm skyward as well. Roman had sized him up and laughed, making some ridiculously overblown boast about how his team was guaranteed to win with Roman Prince as their captain.

No, Roman hadn’t hated Logan at first sight. Logan was pretty sure it was about an hour and a half after first sight, when Roman had come running across the quad, that final scavenger hunt clue clutched in his hand, only to find Logan already standing atop the steps of the final location and smirking, that Roman had started to hate him too.

Hate was perhaps a strong word for both sides, Logan knew. They didn’t actively wish to see any harm done to the other (or at least Logan didn’t, and Roman seemed to feel the same way), but there was certainly no love lost between them. Ironically, it was their mutual dislike for each other that seemed to be the one thing they had in common. Otherwise, they were a study of dichotomies: Logan was reserved, Roman was dramatic; Logan was a STEM major, Roman was a fine arts major; Logan was serious and down-to-earth, Roman was frivolous and constantly had his head in the figurative clouds; the list went on.

Logan unfortunately learns all of this and more because the universe hadn’t been content with just throwing Roman into Logan’s life for an afternoon during orientation. No, it had apparently decided that it was the opportune time to test Logan’s patience in an unprecedented fashion, because who else had come strolling into Logan’s first class bright and early Monday morning than Roman Prince, carrying an iced coffee (in blatant disregard of the Water Only sign posted at the door) and a single red notebook covered in gold stickers.

Actual stickers, on a notebook for a college class. And not even a backpack slung over his shoulder. Honestly. How did he ever expect to be taken seriously?

At least the look of horrified surprise on Roman’s face when he had seen Logan sitting primly in the front row had made him feel marginally better. Not as good as if Roman hadn’t been enrolled in the class to begin with, but still. Better.

Needless to say, it was a very long semester. The class, a seminar-style course centered around developing analytical reasoning and critical thinking skills by examining current issues, was required for all freshmen, and the small class size had meant fierce debate between Logan and Roman was a regular occurrence.

The professor had largely given up trying to rein them in after the first few classes, seemingly happy to have some enthusiastic engagement for once even if the two rivals did sometimes push the boundaries of respectable academic debate conduct, and the rest of the class had been content to just sit back and watch the figurative sparks fly.

Logan suspected that most of the time neither of them even had to ardently believe in whatever it was they were arguing about; it was enough just for one of them to take a stance and the other would immediately pivot to throw their weight wholeheartedly behind the counterargument.

(There had been several occasions on which they had joined forces to argue together for certain issues, such as advocating for gender-neutral bathrooms, and although Logan would never admit it out loud, their respective skills with logos and pathos did make them a good team. Still, their temporary alliances had always dissolved by the next class meeting, when one of them would invariably latch onto something the other had said and promptly launch into a long-winded explanation about why they were wrong.)

Their arguing hadn’t ended at the classroom door either, since they somehow, despite all the odds, found themselves as part of a mutual friend group, meaning they spent a considerable amount of time together for two people who disliked each other so strongly. Scathing insults and barbed comments thrown back and forth at each other were a constant whenever they were forced to eat lunch together or otherwise hang out with the group, which garnered various reactions from their friends.

Remus – when xe wasn’t distracted by Janus – watched with rapt attention like their quarreling was top-notch entertainment, occasionally butting in with obscure facts to support either of them. Janus almost exclusively sided with Logan and took obvious pleasure in making offhand comments for the pure sake of riling Roman up. Virgil just rolled his eyes and endured it with a long-suffering expression or talked over them, although he wasn’t shy about telling them to shut up when their argument of the day started to escalate too much. And Patton, forever the optimist, always tried to get them to resolve their issues in less confrontational ways and never seemed to understand why they couldn’t simply get along no matter how many times Logan explained that Roman was a vain, pompous prep and Roman explained that Logan was a stubborn, opinionated nerd.

Their fighting had only intensified over the course of the semester as the assignments piled up and the stress levels rose, and by winter finals they had practically been snapping at each other any time one of them so much as breathed funny.

But that had been last semester. Winter break had offered a much-needed respite from the stress and strain of college life, and now the start of the spring semester beckons, rife with opportunities and the chance for a new start.

Logan sounds like he’s been spending too much time with Patton.

Still, there’s something alluring about the possibilities afforded by a new semester, the almost limitless potential for new knowledge and growth, the chance to learn a little more about the universe.

The universe, however, is apparently still insistent that Logan truly does not have enough adversity in his life and has decided to solve such a problem by forcing him to share not one, but two classes with a certain brash, flamboyant twin this year.

Logan doesn’t believe in karma, but he wishes he did just so he could have something to blame.

This time, it’s chemistry. The class lectures are huge, packed with students trying to get a science requirement out of the way, and Logan is blissfully unaware that Roman is even in the same course until he’s sitting in a much smaller group of students a week later for lab and the TA is reading off of her sheet that Ackroyd, Logan has been partnered with Prince, Roman for the semester.

The appalled looks they exchange with each other are probably comical to anyone else. Personally, Logan thinks this is one of the least humorous twists of fate he’s ever had the displeasure of enduring.

Roman clearly isn’t happy about their situation either. He spends the whole three hours of their first lab ranting about how this cannot stand, that he outright refuses to work with his archrival, that he will go straight (“well, gay,” he interrupts his own speech to say, “since nothing about me is straight”) to the professor and by this time next week he’ll be chilling with a cool new lab partner who isn’t a Sherlock Holmes wannabe.

Logan, having actually read the handout for the lab rules instead of folding it up into some kind of origami crane like Roman, and therefore already having read the unfortunate bolded statement that lab partners are randomly chosen and are final, no exceptions, just ignores Roman’s tirade and goes about setting up the Bunsen burner before his new lab partner can accidentally set something on fire.

Sure enough, Roman slumps back onto the stool beside Logan at their lab station the next week, scowling fiercely enough that Logan knows he must have gone to the professor to try and get his lab partner assignment changed and been thoroughly rebuffed. Logan resists the childish urge to say “I told you so,” since he had, in fact, not told Roman so. Still. It was the thought that counted, or so Virgil had told him once.

Despite the apparent necessity of Logan and Roman working together in this class, rather than being pitted against one another as had often happened last semester, the tension between them doesn’t ease. Their bickering is constant, even over the smallest things like who is taking too long to properly clean the test tubes (Logan) or who is writing on their lab worksheet in glitter pen (Roman), to the point that they have to argue in whispers with fake smiles plastered on their faces so the TA stops hovering around their lab table like she’s afraid she’s going to have to break up a physical altercation.

Logan has no plans to resort to such barbaric violence, but lab days are fraught with peril, since Roman isn’t exactly the most cautious of individuals and has picked up his brother’s fuck-around-and-find-out approach as opposed to just reading the instructions like any rational person, and Logan is sometimes too invested in winning his side of their arguments to intervene before disaster strikes.

(Logan gets burns from the Bunsen burner. Roman gets burns from hydrochloric acid. The class gets a half-hour lecture from their weary TA about proper lab safety.)

Things finally come to a breaking point about a month into the semester when their TA stops by their lab station to hand back their graded exams, the first ones of the course.

“Great job,” she says warmly to Logan as she hands him a paper with a 4.0 circled at the top. “Hardly anyone ever gets that bonus question right. You’ll be taking my job in a few years if you keep that up!”

Logan smiles and nods politely, secretly wondering why this individual who has no knowledge of his career plans would assume he is at all interested in becoming a chemistry TA, and she wordlessly slides Roman’s exam to him face-down before moving on to the next table.

Logan honestly doesn’t intend to peek, but Roman is right next to him, and when he flips the paper over Logan can’t help but glimpse the grade written in bold red ink at the top of the page.

Roman failed.

“What are you looking at, Tie-rannosauros rex?” he snaps, cheeks flushing as he hurriedly folds up the exam and shoves it into his bag.

A dinosaur-based pun? Definitely not one of Roman’s best, but for once Logan lets it go without comment.

“I am looking at our experiment,” he responds truthfully as he shifts his gaze back to their beaker. “Everything seems to be going as expected so far, and I believe it is time for the next step.”

The lab concludes with significantly less quarreling than normal, mostly because Roman is now clearly in a bad mood and has chosen to sulk in relative silence except for the occasional insulting remark, which isn’t particularly mature but it means Logan can take full control of their experiment for once, so he isn’t complaining.

Unfortunately, he gets less than a day of basking in the feeling of satisfaction at having aced his first chemistry exam, because the next morning he finds himself standing outside the classroom for his freshman writing seminar, staring at the comments on his newly returned assignment.

Very well written, it reads in neat print across the top. But not very creative.

Normally, this wouldn’t unduly bother Logan. He thrived on data and statistics and cold, hard logic, after all, and although he valued creativity for its vital role in driving innovation, it wasn’t something he felt the need to employ in his writing.

Considering the fact that this is the first assignment in the class’s creative writing unit and the fact that Logan has received a paltry 2.7, Logan is suddenly regretting such an attitude.

A 2.7. The equivalent of a B-. Logan has never received a grade on any assignment lower than an A- in his life, and even that had been because one of his teachers had miscalculated his score. He stares at the numbers until his vision starts to tunnel, darkness beginning to creep in around the edges, until those two little digits are all he can see.

2.7, a sharp voice in the back of his head whispers. What kind of failure can only earn a 2.7? And this is only a freshman writing course. How are you ever going to pass your other classes? You know, the actual hard ones that count towards your major? 2.7. A B-. You should be ashamed of yourself. You probably only tricked your way into getting into such a good school to begin with, and now everyone’s going to find out what a fraud you are, and then what are you going to do with your future? 2.7. You’re such a failure. Failure failure FAILURE-

The paper crumples in his grip and Logan jerkily yanks his backpack around to the front and unzips it with a shaking hand, cramming the wrinkled pages inside where he won’t have to look at them.

He suddenly understands Roman’s reaction to failing his chemistry exam and his subsequent bad mood a lot more than he had the day before.

Hot pressure presses behind his eyes and he digs his fingernails into his palms, trying to repress the ugly emotions rearing up in his chest. He has to get himself under control. He will not cry about this, certainly not where anyone walking by could see him. He forces himself to take a deep breath, exhaling long and slow as he consciously unclenches his hands. This is fine. Everything is fine. Logan is an excellent problem-solver; he can come up with a way to fix this.

He does indeed come up with a plan that weekend, red-eyed and snotty-nosed and utterly exhausted from having a full-on breakdown about his grade on the writing assignment, curled on the floor of his dorm room and praying both that his neighbors hadn’t heard him crying and that Virgil, his roommate, doesn’t come back from his trip to the movies early.

Logan wouldn’t call it a great plan, exactly. In fact, he wouldn’t even call it a good plan, for the most part. But he doesn’t know what other option he has.

Which is how he finds himself on the hunt for his adversary Monday afternoon after classes let out for the day. He scours the library, the dining hall, the study areas in the buildings where he knows Roman has class. The other man’s over-the-top presence is nowhere to be found, and Logan belatedly realizes Roman probably has rehearsal for whatever theatrical nonsense he’s a part of.

All those hours jumping about on stage instead of studying are probably why he’s failing chemistry, his thoughts whisper snidely, and Logan promptly tells them to shut it, considering at least Roman has an excuse for his less-than-stellar academic performance, unlike Logan.

He makes another circuit around the buildings after dinner and this time he’s in luck. He finds Roman at a table in one of the open-space study areas on the main floor of the library, where there are no noise restrictions and hence where Logan avoids at all costs. Honestly, he would never understand how some people could study and listen to other people talk at the same time.

Roman has textbooks and notebooks and loose papers strewn across the whole of the table and is doing an admirable job of ignoring all of them, leaned back in his chair with his feet propped up on the table and utterly engrossed in scrolling through his phone.

Logan stops beside the table. No reaction from Roman.

He taps his fingernail on the edge of the wood. Nothing.

He clears his throat pointedly and this time Roman jumps, expression turning down into a scowl when he glances up to meet Logan’s gaze.

“What do you want, Charles Dork-win? I’m studying.”

“Yes,” Logan replies dryly. “It appears you are very hard at work, given that you are on your phone.”

Roman scoffs, dropping his feet from the table with twin thumps.

“Leave the sarcasm to Janus, Calculator Watch. It really doesn’t suit you. Besides, haven’t you ever heard of taking a break?”

Logan graciously bites back his comment that he isn’t sure what, exactly, Roman is taking a break from, considering that all of his textbooks are closed and his notebooks seem to be filled with doodles rather than actual notes.

Roman makes a show of sitting up straight in his chair and putting his phone down in exchange for a pen, his movements deliberately over-exaggerated, and raises an eyebrow at Logan.

“Are you just going to stand there and watch me, Bore-nary Code? Because that’s more than a little creepy.”

It’s Logan’s turn to scowl now, his figurative hackles raising at the implication that he would do such a thing.

“I have no intentions of doing that,” he says tightly. “I have innumerable better things to do with my time than observe you ‘studying,’ as you call it.”

“Great!” Roman chirps, all forced cheeriness and fake smiles. “Then maybe you should skedaddle off and do some of them!”

This interaction is not proceeding as optimally as Logan had hoped. Time to get to the point.

“I have a proposal for you.”

Roman laughs, the sound too loud and entirely derisive, all the humor at Logan’s expense, and Logan’s spine stiffens.

“A proposal? Sorry to break it to you, Human Snooze Button, but Walt Disney himself will magically come back to life and tap dance on top of his grave before I marry you. Also, just for the record, people usually do things like be friends with someone and date them before they get married. They don’t just propose out of the blue to their archnemesis.”

“Not a marriage proposal,” Logan grits out, seriously considering turning on his heel and abandoning the whole endeavor outright. This can’t be doing good things to his blood pressure. “An academic proposal, one that I believe will be in both of our best interests.”

“Do tell,” Roman drawls in a tone that makes Logan suspect he’s only indulging Logan so that he can make fun of him later.

“You’re failing chemistry,” Logan says bluntly, and the patronizing smile on Roman’s face shifts into shocked surprise for a moment before settling into affronted indignation.

“I am not!”

“You are,” Logan argues. “You failed our first exam, you often seem to struggle with our practice sets, and from the questions you ask and the actions you take during our hands-on labs it is evident that you frequently do not understand the key concepts of what we are doing, nor have a firm grasp on what we have already learned.”

He ticks his observations off neatly on his fingers and Roman glares at him.

“Even if that were true – which it’s not! – it would probably be because unlike you, I actually have a life and don’t spend every minute of every day with my nose in a book, learning obscure crap that no one cares about just so I can have a superiority complex and brag about how smart I am compared to everyone else. Besides, it’s the beginning of the semester. There’s loads of time to bring my grade up if I need to. Which I don’t. Because I’m not failing chemistry.”

The words sting, Roman’s sentiment all to familiar to the one Logan has encountered all his life, the backhanded compliments and the eyerolls and the resentment he’d garnered for being the know-it-all, the overachiever, the one who couldn’t shut up, the one who never knew when to quit, but he forces himself to ignore them, to file them away with all the other sharp words he’s ever gotten and take a deep breath, consciously relaxing his hands where his fingernails had begun biting into his palms.

“It is true that most of the semester remains ahead of us,” he admits in as measured a tone as he can manage. “But that also makes it even more concerning that you are struggling so much so early in the course. What we are learning right now is the basics of the subject, and the curriculum will only build on them. If you do not understand the material thus far then your failures will only continue to compound until there will be no chance of you passing the class.”

Roman’s expression has taken a decided turn towards murderous and Logan belatedly realizes he has probably not approached this conversation in the best way.

“I am offering to tutor you,” he clarifies, and Roman laughs incredulously.

“You? Tutor me? No way. I’m not going to be your charity case just so you can boost your ego.”

“That is not what I was suggesting,” Logan snaps heatedly, legitimately offended that Roman would think such a thing of him. He may not particularly like Roman, but he wasn’t going to use him just to feel better about himself. “I’m not Patton; I am not offering to spend my time tutoring you out of the goodness of my heart. I want something from you in return.”

Roman looks at him like he’s just said he believes the earth is flat.

“You. Want something from me,” he says skeptically.

“Yes. My freshman writing seminar has recently begun our unit on creative writing, and it has come to my attention that while I may be very skilled at analytical and more traditional academic writing, I-” He has to pause for a moment, struggling to admit any shortcoming, especially to someone who may only use it to mock him. “I do not possess such skills when it comes to creative writing,” he finishes stiffly.

A long pause while Roman stares at him, face unreadable.

“Wait,” he finally says, voice creeping up incredulously. “Is this your way of asking for my help?”

“You often seem to thoroughly enjoy and excel at creative endeavors,” Logan responds defensively. “Out of all the people I know, your creative inclinations make you the most logical choice to come to for assistance. Besides, I did tell you that I was proposing a mutually beneficial arrangement. It would hardly be such if I did not receive something of value from it as well.”

Roman just continues to stare at him, the seconds ticking by one after the other after the other, and Logan can feel his cheeks warming with a flush. He finally breaks their impromptu staring contest, clearing his throat as he adjusts his glasses, then his tie.

“I will assume from your lack of response that you are not interested in such an arrangement. I will leave you to studying.”

He turns, already berating himself for approaching Roman in the first place and ever thinking this was a good idea, and he’s several steps away before-

“Wait!”

Logan stops, then slowly turns, bracing for some scathing ridicule of Logan’s lack of creative abilities. Roman is fiddling with the corner of his notebook, folding a little triangle of paper up and down and up again, but his gaze is bold when it meets Logan’s.

“We do it on my schedule,” he declares, and Logan takes a slow stride back towards the table, not letting himself dare to hope his plan may have actually worked.

“I am sure we could find a mutually agreeable time.”

“And we don’t study for like, four hours at a time. We take lots of breaks.”

“Long periods of sustained studying would not be an effective teaching strategy, and short periods of rest have been shown to improve productivity.”

“And you can’t make fun of me or call me stupid.”

Roman’s chin tips up and there’s something almost defiant in his eyes, like he expects Logan to balk at this last condition.

“I will not do so if you won’t,” Logan promises, and surprise flashes across Roman’s face for a moment, there and gone again just as quickly.

Logan closes the final step between them, looking down at his rival.

“Deal?” he asks, holding his hand out. Roman eyes it for a long moment before muttering something under his breath about how he’s so going to regret this and clasping Logan’s hand in his own.

“Deal,” he agrees as Logan gives his hand a firm squeeze and one, two pumps up and down, the perfect business handshake. Roman rolls his eyes, withdrawing his limp fingers with a look of distaste. “But there is one thing, since you’re going to be spending all this time with me, getting to revel in my stunning personality and admire my incomparable beauty.”

“Negotiating terms after an agreement has been reached is hardly good practice, and those characterizations are arguable, but go on.”

“Don’t go falling in love with me, Microsoft Nerd. I don’t want to have to break your heart by turning down your marriage proposal twice.”

Logan almost indulges himself enough to follow Roman’s example and roll his eyes. Almost. He still has some pride, after all.

“Trust me,” he assures him instead, adjusting his tie primly back into place. “That will not be a problem.”

---

The first few tutoring sessions go about as well as Logan expects, which is to say not well at all. Both he and Roman are guarded, clearly loath to let their nemesis know what they’re struggling with, and they continue to argue constantly, both insisting that their way of doing things is better.

After a few aggravating afternoons, though, Logan realizes that part of the problem is that Roman just doesn’t study like Logan does, and Logan’s method of learning by rote reading, writing, and memorization isn’t working for him. Logan regroups and tries instead with more of a focus on illustrations and physical models that Roman can manipulate and Roman’s eyes finally begin to light up with understanding.

Likewise, Logan is initially frustrated by Roman’s suggestion to improve his writing, since they tend towards vague statements like “Add some flair!” or “Just use your imagination,” and he can’t help his angry outburst one afternoon that saying such things aren’t helpful and that if he knew how to do those things he wouldn’t need Roman’s help to begin with.

Logan is fully prepared for Roman to bail on their tutoring arrangement entirely after that, since Roman takes any semblance of criticism about as well as a sieve holds water, so he’s more than surprised when Roman shows up at their next meeting with a bullet-point list outlining the creative process as well as Logan’s latest draft covered in detailed notes explaining what could be improved and how. (It’s in sparkly red pen, but for once Logan doesn’t mind too much.)

Still, despite the rocky start, the tutoring sessions are undeniably making a positive difference. Roman begins to consistently receive better grades on his chemistry homework and even manages a decent score on a pop quiz, and Logan’s marks don’t drop below a 3.7 on the rest of his assignments for his creative writing unit. Even after his writing class moves on to more argumentative styles of writing and Roman’s help is no longer needed, Logan still finds himself coming back to tutor Roman, surprisingly unwilling to cast him aside and let him fend for himself the rest of the semester.

Between their tutoring sessions and their chemistry class and their meetings to collaborate on their lab reports, then, they’re suddenly spending an alarming amount of time together, and slowly, so slowly that Logan doesn’t even notice it shifting until he looks back at it, things begin to change between them.

Their hostile arguing shifts into amiable bickering, their pointed insults into gentler teasing, their mutual disdain into (somewhat grudging) respect.

And somehow, somewhere along the way, their bitter rivalry evolves into something like genuine friendship.

Logan might call it a miracle, if he believed in those.

That’s what Virgil calls it anyways, rolling his eyes but clearly trying not to smile as he watches Roman give Logan a careful hug as they prepare to part ways for the summer, Roman’s grip loose enough that Logan can easily push him away if the sensation becomes overwhelming.

“See you in the fall, Specs,” he says. “Don’t study too hard while I’m gone, yeah? This is supposed to be a break.”

Logan is about to reply that there is no such thing as studying too hard, but Remus interrupts him by laying on the horn of xyr car where xe’s idling at the curb, sticking xyr head out the window to shout at them.

“Come on, Ro, get your ass in the car! Logan will still be here in a few months and we’re gonna get stuck in rush hour traffic if we don’t leave now and I really don’t think you want that to happen because I had Mexican for lunch.”

Roman pales and bids Virgil and Logan a hurried goodbye before practically lunging towards the car, and he’s barely inside before Remus is screeching away, shrieking a wild “See you later, bitches!” out the window as xe guns it down the street. Logan shakes his head fondly and Virgil snorts.

“It’s sure going to be quiet around here without them.”

It is, and Logan finds it somewhat surreal to be on campus when just about everyone else is gone, the normally vibrant and crowded college now almost serene without its students bustling about. Logan is staying behind for the summer to assist one of his astronomy professors with a research project, and Virgil has chosen to remain as well, opting to live in discounted student housing over the break as he continues his part-time job at one of the on-campus cafes.

It’s at said cafe where the two of them are hanging out about a week into break, as relaxed and carefree as either one of them gets while they snack on yesterday’s half-price pastries and chat about Logan’s research, when Logan’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out to find a text from Roman reading I PASSED with entirely too many exclamation marks and emojis, and Logan doesn’t need clarification to know he means their chemistry final. It’s characteristically Roman, overly enthusiastic with the all-caps and the excessive punctuation and the absurd number of emojis, and because – and only because – Roman isn’t here to see it, Logan smiles, something like fondness warming his skin.

“Whoa, who’s got you smiling like that? Did NASA reclassify Pluto as a planet or something?” Virgil asks, sliding back into his chair from where he’d gotten up to make himself a refill.

“No,” Logan replies, lips tugging up again as Roman sends another text of nothing but balloons. “Just some good news. Roman passed his chemistry final.”

“Ah,” Virgil says, something off in his tone that Logan can’t quite pinpoint, and when he looks up he finds Virgil staring at him with an odd look on his face.

“Is something the matter?” Logan asks, and Virgil doesn’t respond for a moment, like he’s debating saying something, before he blows out a short laugh and shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s cool. I’m just glad you guys worked everything out, you know? It sure beats when you two were one insult away from incurring homicide charges.”

“Right,” Logan replies distractedly as a text bubble filled with nothing but hearts and sparkle emojis appears on his screen. “It is better this way, isn’t it?”

He types out a quick reply – Congratulations, Roman. You should celebrate; you earned it. – and taps send before tucking his phone away again.

He stretches out in the sunbeam filtering in through the window as he and Virgil easily pick up a new topic of conversation, basking in the warmth that seems to radiate through his whole body. He’s reminded of that hot August day when he and Roman had met, how stridently they had disliked – borderline hated – each other at first, and he can’t help but marvel a little at how far their relationship has evolved.

Warm and content in the sunshine, Logan smiles to himself. This year, he suspects, when he and Roman meet again under that late summer sun, there won’t be any hate in sight.

#shhh this totally isn't a day late #in my defense i had the hardest time with this fic #it straight up refused to be written #and then ended up being 6k how did that even happen #i'm still not entirely happy with it #it may receive some minor edits when i'm not tired of looking at it #but i wanted to get it posted before i got too far behind #shades of blue and red #logince week #loginceweek2022 #ts logan #logan sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #logince #my fic #rosepetal writes

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 4 years ago

Text

Not So Serious

Prompt: ayoooo I’m like-obsessed with your writing style omg if your requests are open I’d love to see some good good logince hurt/comfort where Roman has a crush on Logan and gets this idea that he’s not serious enough for Logan to like him at all so Roman completely changes himself only for Logan to wonder where the man he’s in love with went.

Thanks for the prompt, babe!

Read on Ao3

Pairings: logince, as on the tin

Warnings: roman’s a little bit of a self-doubting and self-depricating boi but other than that none! we are happy now!

Word Count: 5340

Roman knows he’s the least important of the Light Sides. Or at the very least, the one that Thomas listens to the least.

That’s okay.

It’s not, not really, but that doesn’t matter.

What does matter is that most of it can be chalked up to the fact that he’s the least serious Side. He’s the dreamer, the fanatic, the one whose head is permanently in the clouds. He sings, he dances, he acts, he plays. And that’s his job! He’s Creativity, for Shakespeare’s sake, and if he’s not, well, what good is he?

Well, he’s not much good when he is Creativity, but that’s beside the point.

But Thomas needs him to be serious. Patton, for all his lightheartedness, knows how to be serious when the time calls for it. And behind all those jokes and smiles and corny lines that make all of them want to cringe a little, he’s talking about, arguably, the most serious thing there is. What’s right and what’s wrong. No matter how you slice it, that’s serious. And he’s Thomas’s heart! How can you not take that seriously?

Then there’s Virgil, who Roman considers a Light Side. Virgil demands to be taken seriously. Not verbally, but come on, he’s Anxiety. Mental stuff is no joke, and they’ve had enough close calls to know that for sure. Virgil’s a snarky bastard, but he rarely says something he doesn’t actually mean. He keeps them safe when none of the others know what to do and honestly? That’s serious stuff. Virgil’s got enough on his plate.

Then there’s Logan.

Logan.

Roman could go on for days about Logan. He won’t, but he could.

Logan is Logic. Perhaps more than anything else, Thomas needs Logic. And Logan. Logan is always present, whether he’s there physically or not, and his voice is always going to be heard in the conversation sooner or later. He breaks down the biggest problems Roman’s ever seen until they’re manageable chunks, so much so that it’s ridiculous that they were ever big in the first place. He talks them through everything, slowly and surely. He makes everything look easy.

And that’s all the more impressive because Roman knows it’s not.

It’s not easy to do what Logan does. It’s not easy for Logan to always make himself heard. It’s not easy to carry the single brain cell in any given conversation.

But he does and it’s wonderful.

Logan is serious. His job is serious. That doesn’t mean he’s serious all the time, no, Roman’s seen him snap a quip faster than anything with a smirk on his face, and their bond over Crofter’s is legendary. And he knows the gleam that means Logan is immensely satisfied with whatever insult he’s come up with to shut Roman down. Even through the hurt of a new bruise forming on Thomas’s ego, he has to smile because it’s so satisfying to watch someone just be very good at something.

He’s also incredible at calming them all down. He’s so sweet and kind and gentle in all the right ways and you will never convince Roman that Logan knows nothing about emotions. Come on, he’s the most intelligent Side, that extends to emotional intelligence too. The amount of times he’s been able to rip them out of some horrible spiral with just a simple touch or a word is too high for Roman to count. And he never asks for anything, he just does it. Because he’s good like that.

Roman would be an utter, utter fool if he didn’t take Logan seriously. He doesn’t dare underestimate him, never again, not after that rap battle. He doesn’t try to speak over him, not once everyone’s actually paying attention and Logan’s clearly trying to say something. He listens, he tries, he takes him seriously.

But sometimes Logan needs to not be serious! He can see when the strain gets a little too much and he needs to cut someone down to size.

Well, here’s Roman!

And yes, it’s worth it. It’s always worth it. Logan smiles and it’s like the sun comes out. Yes, that’s a cliché but we all know clichés are cliché for a reason. Logan smiles, the sun comes out, and Roman wants to bathe in it. Wants to sit and listen to Logan talk about anything just so he’ll keep smiling, keep talking, keep being Logan. Logan is serious, but serious isn’t always Logan.

Isn’t always.

Most of the time, though…

Most of the time, it looks like Logan is thrilled to not have to stand next to Roman.

Most of the time, it seems like every time Roman opens his mouth, Logan’s trying not to roll his eyes or is just listening out of politeness. And every time he pitches an idea, it seems like Logan’s getting just as much enjoyment out of leaving the meetings as he does when he doesn’t find anything wrong with it.

Most of the time, that 0.5% hangs in the air between them like a moat.

Roman doesn’t want that. Roman doesn’t want Logan to view him as a diametrically opposed foe, he doesn’t want to be Logan’s other side of the coin, he doesn’t want Logan to think he’s only worth 0.5% of a day.

But 0.5% is all he gets if he stays Roman.

It’s not big changes, nothing that would compromise Thomas, but they’re noticeable. At least he hopes so.

He stops singing out loud in the common areas and instead has a headphone in when he wants to listen to something. He reads in the chair—sitting properly, not with his limbs haphazardly thrown about like he’s a newly made life form with no idea how muscles work—and keeps his comments to himself, written down in a notebook or in his head. He asks politely if Logan wants to come on a walk through the Imagination and conjures up something simple. A forest path, or a garden, or a small town road. None of the fantastical woods, magic castles, or treacherous mountains that he’s so fond of, because those are daydreams.

He’s quieter outside of videos. Sure, he’s still as obnoxious as ever when the cameras are on, but they tend to exaggerate themselves when they’re being filmed anyway. So it won’t be too much of a surprise when he’s not like that when the cameras are off. He doesn’t speak as much—well, he doesn’t monologue as much. He speaks when spoken to, he’s as courteous as he knows how to be, and he tries to be serious. Even if his job is anything but.

He could tell you it’s exhausting what he does for the videos and he’d rather not do it when he doesn’t have to.

He could tell you it’s because it would be better for Thomas if they all got along well.

He could tell you it’s because he wants a healthier and more productive working relationship with Logan.

He could tell you all of these things.

Whether or not you believe him is up to you.

…because Roman might be the actor, but he’s never been a particularly good liar. And deep down—not that deep down—we all know why he wants to be more serious, don’t we?

Logan doesn’t like fantasy. Logan doesn’t like excessive noise. Logan doesn’t like someone who can’t be serious.

Logan is kind and perfect and wonderful and smart and so many things.

And above all, Logan is serious.

Roman can work with that.

———————————————————————

“Hey, Specs! Do you have time to brainstorm?”

“It will have to be quick, Roman, I’ve not much time to spare.”

“Oh. That’s alright, then, we can do it later.”

“Are you certain?”

“Of course! I know how important your schedule is for you, please, don’t worry about it.”

“Ah. I see. Well, thank you, Roman.”

They never do end up having that brainstorm. Not alone.

“Logan?”

“Yes, Roman?”

“Would it be alright if I played music? I’ll keep it low.”

“…we can try, though I usually prefer working in silence.”

“Oh, in that case, I’ll just go—“

“Let’s try?”

“If you’re sure.”

Roman ends up getting his headphones after a few minutes.

“Roman?”

“Yes, my d—Logan?”

“…were you going to say something else?”

“No, no, I got lost in my head again, I thought you were…someone else.”

“It may be worth practicing getting out of your head, Roman.”

“I know.”

He never quite manages, but he’s trying.

“Ro—oh.”

“Logan? Is something wrong?”

“You’ve changed your room. Your…your paintings, your drawings, they’re…where did you put them?”

“Oh, I got rid of them.”

“Got rid of them?”

“Yes. Surely you know how difficult it can be to work in a crowded space?”

“…yes, I suppose I do.”

Logan doesn’t comment on the fact that Roman’s room isn’t quite so red anymore either.

“Roman?”

“Yes?”

“This idea, it seems…quite…realistic.”

“Is that not the point, Sp—Logan?”

“Well, yes, I suppose so.”

“Besides, from a practical standpoint, we’re operating with a limited budget here. The scope of the videos has to be adjusted accordingly.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re correct.”

Logan doesn’t mention that it doesn’t necessarily feel like Roman’s idea.

“Roman?”

“Yes?”

“Care to comment?”

“Oh, no, I’m perfectly content.”

“Are you certain?”

“Of course.”

Logan doesn’t ask again.

———————————————————————

Logan is really confused.

Something’s wrong with Roman, that much is obvious, but he can’t figure out what. Roman’s been quiet lately, outside of the videos, but even in the videos, he’s been different. He’s not talking as much anymore, not going on his incredibly passionate rants that one can feel if they just listen hard enough. He’s not risen to the bait for weeks now, preferring instead to…talk. Or listen. His room is suspiciously absent of his paintings and drawings that make Logan want to sit and stare and lose track of time.

And he’s stopped singing.

That’s a definite indicator that something’s wrong.

But he can’t figure out what.

None of them are fighting; Patton and Virgil have noticed that something is different, certainly, but they don’t know—they can’t figure out exactly what. They would have told him if they had a disagreement with Roman, but they haven’t.

Thomas isn’t being affected by it. In fact, he hasn’t noticed that anything’s wrong.

And on the surface, Roman seems fine, but Logan knows better.

He stops in front of his whiteboard, staring hard at the pieces of information he has written down.

Roman is no longer singing or playing music out loud outside of his room.

Roman is changing the ideas that he brings to the brainstorming sessions. He claims they are meant to be more ‘practical’ and easier to budget.

Roman does not insist that we spend time with him anymore.

Roman is quiet and no longer engages in ‘banter’ exchanges with me.

Roman no longer brings me to the elaborate places in the Imagination.

Roman no longer gives me nicknames.

Has…has Logan done something to Roman?

He doesn’t think he has. He hasn’t—he hasn’t shot down any ideas lately, and certainly none so much as to trigger such a drastic change. There have been no arguments. There have been no big changes for Thomas.

He finds himself twisting the cap of the marker back and forth as he focuses on the period at the end of the last sentence written. Perhaps…perhaps Roman is simply going through a rough patch? Occasionally the prince will lapse into a ‘grayer’ state, for lack of a better term, where he exhibits fewer of his energetic tendencies, but none have gone on for such a duration. Additionally, his behavior in videos has not altered as significantly as would indicate this as the cause.

Perhaps I should try to talk to him about it.

Logan nods sharply to himself and turns, walking out of his room toward Roman’s. The red door looms there, slightly ajar. Frowning, Logan raps on it gently with his knuckles.

“Roman? May I come in?”

No response.

“Roman?” Logan eases the door open. “Roman?”

No sign of Roman. The bathroom door isn’t locked, his laptop isn’t open, his phone is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps Roman simply forgot to close his door all the way. Logan shuts it carefully and turns to head downstairs.

“Virgil? Patton?”

Virgil glances up from his phone. “What’s up, L?”

Ignoring the little flutter in his chest at the first nickname he’s been called in a while, Logan adjusts his glasses and glances around. “Have you seen Roman?”

Virgil shakes his head. “Pat? Have you?”

“I think he said he was going into the Imagination but he’d be back for dinner?”

Logan nods. “Thank you both.”

“Logan?”

“Yes?”

“Can you, uh—“ Patton wrings his hands for a moment— “can you ask him what’s wrong for us?”

“Princey’s been off for a while, we wanna know why but he won’t tell us.”

Logan blinks. “Considering I was on my way to ask him the same thing, I take it he’s been as…hesitant to share any information with you as he has with me?”

Their nods make something twist in his chest.

“If he’s gonna tell anyone,” Virgil mutters as he turns to go, “it’ll be you.”

Logan pauses. “Excuse me?”

Virgil shrugs. “You’re his favorite, L. He thinks the sun shines outta your face.”

Despite himself, Logan feels heat rush to his cheeks. “I’m quite sure you’re confusing me for Patton, Virgil.”

“Oh, no, Princey’s got it bad f—“

“Virgil!”

“Oh come on,” Virgil groans, his head lolling on the couch as he turns to look at Patton, “you’ve noticed it too.”

“But that’s not our secret to tell!”

“Shit. Yeah, you’re right. Oops.”

“Wait, wait,” Logan stammers, quickly trying to get a grasp of the situation, “you—Roman what?”

Virgil shakes his head. “Nope. Sorry, Logan. I already fucked up. You’re gonna have to ask him. And hey, you were on your way to do just that!”

Logan narrows his eyes but Virgil shrugs, undaunted. He turns and pointedly does not run up the stairs.

The door to the Imagination is ajar. He takes a deep breath and pushes it open, expecting to meet some fantastical landscape, a village, or a castle, perhaps.

He doesn’t expect to wander into what looks like the grand foyer of some Victorian mansion.

The door shuts behind him with a thud that echoes gently around the room. His shoes aren’t particularly loud but his steps make resounding clicks as he walks through the halls. The walls are elegantly crafted, with artful splashes of color here and there. He comes to a grand staircase and has to swallow heavily at the richness of the wood under his fingers as he climbs slowly, slowly up.

There’s something here, he decides, that’s not been here for a while. Not since he started accompanying Roman more often. He remembers the first time, where he’d wearily said he didn’t have the patience for an adventure and had been pleasantly surprised by Roman’s offer of a simple walk. Each walk after that had been lovely, truly, but it was always painfully obvious that it was in the Imagination.

Now, though? Now the walls seem to curve about Logan as he walks, like petals of a flower curve about its center. The house seems to hold him, cradle him almost as he walks slowly through it. He can almost feel a gentle hand at the base of his spine, between his shoulder blades, under his chin. It takes no effort to keep walking, to discover more and more of this truly beautiful house, to look and look and look without fear of his eyes hurting or his head growing weary.

It feels like Roman, he realizes with a giddy bubble in his chest, this is Roman’s work. Roman is here.

That realization gives him enough courage to call out.

“Roman? Roman, are you here?”

“Logan?”

“Roman!” He turns around, trying to trace the echoes to their source. “Where are you?”

“I’m in the library, keep walking toward the back of the hall.”

Logan’s steps beat out an eager pace as he begins to hurry towards Roman’s voice. He meets a wide set of mahogany doors and pushes them open, looking for—

“Oh,” he murmurs as the doors swing wide, “oh, this is…magnificent.”

If he were—well, if he were Roman, he’d compare this to the library the Beast gifts Belle. The shelves tower over his head, two full floors of books stretching out almost as far as he can see. As he looks closer, he realizes this is a theatre, with the seats replaced with shelves. At the back of the library stands the stage, converted into a seating area with as many plush couches and overstuffed armchairs as one could ever want. Curtains drape themselves across a vast window, golden sunlight streaming inside. And on the window seat, standing as the doors fly open, is Roman.

“Roman, my goodness—“

“Whoa, easy, Logan,” Roman chuckles, catching Logan carefully by the elbows as he rushes through the library, “you’ll knock yourself over at this rate.”

“This is magnificent,” Logan manages, still looking around in awe—goodness, there are some books here that he’s only seen in passing— “how—how did you do this?”

“I’ve always had it,” Roman says, guiding him to sit on the window seat and crouching in front of him, “it’s my library.”

“This—this is yours?”

Half of Roman’s mouth tugs up into that crooked smile. “Yeah, Logan. This is mine. You didn’t think I just let my books lie around, did you?”

“But you—you—you’ve never shown this to me. To anyone.”

The smile falters. “Well, no.”

Logan takes a moment to actually look at Roman. Roman quirks his eyebrow as he notices the questioning gaze. His costume is a little less pristine than normal. There’s something slightly different about his expression. And his sword is nowhere to be seen.

“May I—can I ask why not?”

Roman smiles ruefully, glancing over Logan’s shoulder before dropping his gaze to the ground.

“When I need to think,” he says after a moment, “or just…sit for a little, I come here.”

He rests his hand on the seat next to Logan.

“I sit right here, and I think. I look outside into the garden. I watch the clouds. Or I stare at the shelves, and think about the books.”

He gestures behind him.

“Sometimes I’ll see people bustling through them, or characters diving in between pages.” The smile becomes a touch more wistful. “Or I’ll hear water rushing, or wind howling.”

He looks back. Logan’s mouth drops open at the openness of Roman’s expression.

“But mostly,” he finishes in a near whisper, “I just sit. And think. Because I can.”

“…this is your space,” Logan mumbles as he puts it together, “that’s…that’s why you haven’t shown anyone.”

Roman nods.

Logan should apologize. He should apologize and leave. He should never have expected that this would be alright.

But the thought of leaving this library, this house, Roman feels…so, so heavy.

“It’s alright, Logan,” Roman says patiently, sitting on the floor, “what did you need? Am I late for dinner?”

He shakes himself, sternly reminding his brain that he’s being rude now. “No, no, nothing of the sort, I simply needed to find you.”

Roman spreads his arms wide. “Well, you found me. Congratulations.”

It’s so close to the banter Logan misses that he finds himself smiling. “Thank you. Shall I assume to claim my prize now, then?”

“Mm, and what prize would that be?”

Roman blinks up at him expectantly when he doesn’t answer right away. There are several questions on the tip of his tongue and they war with each other.

What’s wrong?

Are you alright?

Did something happen?

The others and I have noticed changes in your behavior, could you explain them?

Did I do something wrong?

Can I stay here?

What did Virgil almost tell me?

“I’ve lost something,” Logan blurts instead, swallowing the lump in his throat when Roman blinks again, startled, “and I need you to help me find it.”

“Oh. Well, that should be easy enough. Where did you last see it?”

“Wait!”

Logan catches a startled Roman by his sleeve as he’s in the middle of getting up. He sits back down slowly, still staring at Logan.

“I don’t know where I lost it,” he says, because it’s the truth. Even for all his immaculate time-keeping, he can’t pinpoint the moment he lost Roman.

“That does make it more difficult,” Roman muses, tapping his fingers on his chin, “well, can you tell me what it is? Maybe I’ve seen it.”

I’m sure you have.

Logan takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t realize it was gone, at first,” he begins, “only that it—something changed. It was quieter. Rooms felt less…I believe ‘alive’ is the only word I can use to adequately describe it.”

Roman catches on to the fact he’s speaking about something abstract quickly. Though, of course he did, he’s very intelligent. He sits up a little straighter and takes Logan’s hand in both of his. That in itself is enough to make Logan swallow again.

“It was more difficult to continue working,” he says after a moment, looking at the ground, “because I didn’t know what was missing. I didn’t know whether the fault lay with myself or with Thomas or how to go about fixing it. I couldn’t think of anything.”

Roman makes a noise of sympathy, squeezing Logan’s hand.

“Of course, once I realized it was missing, I did all I could to find it.” He adjusts his glasses. “I gathered all the information I could to see what had gone wrong.”

“And,” Roman prompts gently, “what did you find?”

“It’s not in my room. It’s not in the kitchen. It’s not in the Imagination, or at least it wasn’t when I was there.”

Logan closes his eyes.

“It doesn’t make me fight back a smile every time I see it, because I am only concerned. It doesn’t make me look forward to seeing it, because it doesn’t seem to be happy to see me. It doesn’t make me want to say how important it is to me, because it doesn’t—“

“…doesn’t what, Logan?”

“…it doesn’t even give me a nickname anymore.”

Roman freezes.

Logan opens his eyes and looks at Roman, seeing his face turn pale.

“I’ve lost the one I love,” he confesses, “and I don’t know where he’s gone.”

———————————————————————

Roman’s heart stops.

Logan—Logan—L—

Logan loves him?

“Please,” Logan says in that soft, soft voice that makes Roman want to combust, “can you help me find him?”

“Wait, wait, Logan, you—you what?”

Logan shifts forward, cupping Roman’s hand. “Where did you go, Roman? Something happened, you left.”

“N-no, Logan, I didn’t go anywhere.”

“You did,” he corrects, “you…you’ve been different. You’ve been quieter, you haven’t taken me on any adventures—“

“I’ve taken you into the Imagination!”

“—and you stopped singing,” Logan finishes. Roman’s chest throbs with the way Logan’s voice cracks on the last word. “You left, Roman, where did you go?”

“I—I was trying to—to—“ Roman swallows heavily. “Wait, you love me?”

Logan blinks, tilting his head. “Of course, yes, I love you, Roman.”

Roman’s face flares. “You can’t—you can’t just say that, Logan.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll believe you. I’ll—“ the urge to bury his face in his hands burns but he can’t, can’t pull away from Logan—“I’ll believe you.”

Logan hums. “And why shouldn’t you believe me?”

An incredulous laugh forces its way out of his throat. “Because you can’t love me.”

He slams his eyes shut as Logan starts to move away. He’s ruined it. He’s ruined so much of his hard work. He’s destroyed it. He’s hurt Logan. How could he?

“And why can’t I love you, Roman?”

He laughs again, though this one might be technically considered a sob. “Because I’m loud! I’m obnoxious, I want to spend all my time daydreaming, I’m so out of touch with the real world, I never want to be serious, I’m—I’m—“

“Passionate,” Logan interrupts quietly, something still cupping his hand, “optimistic. Hardworking.”

Roman huffs. “That’s not special.”

“Intelligent.”

Now he does laugh. “Not compared to you.”

Logan’s stifled noise is enough to make him open his eyes. He frowns up at Logan. He looks…heartbroken.

“Roman,” he murmurs, “do you honestly believe that?”

He squirms uncomfortably on the floor. “…it’s not like it isn’t obvious. El principe es estupido.”

“It’s far from obvious, Roman,” Logan insists, “why do you think I enjoy our verbal sparring so much?”

“You what?”

“I respect and admire your intelligence. You’re—well, not to insult the others when they’re not here to defend themselves, but you’re the only one who really keeps up with me.” Logan smiles at him. He smiles at him. “And you’re kind, Roman. Relentlessly so, sometimes.”

Roman can only gape at him.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed everything you do,” Logan chides gently, “I do notice. And I am so thankful for it. But this…” He gives Roman’s hand another squeeze. “This I don’t understand. Where did you go, Roman?”

“I—I…” Roman swallows. “I thought I was doing it for you.”

“For me?”

“Y-you like serious things! You don’t want to be seen as a joke and I’ve never seen you as a joke, Logan, you have to believe me, and I thought that—that I—“

“Roman—“

“I make fun of the things I love, Logan!” Roman’s throat almost aches from the strain of saying it out loud. “And you—you don’t like it when we’re not serious and I’m not serious so I—I thought if I—if—if—“

“You changed so I would…love you?”

Roman shakes his head shamefully. “So you would tolerate me.”

“Oh, little star—“

Roman lets out an oof as Logan tugs him forward, his knees hitting the ground roughly as he pulls Roman into a hug. He’s warm, he’s so warm and so Logan…the frames of his glasses are cool against the side of Roman’s face, the knot of his tie pressing into the hollow of his chest. And he’s being so sweet, so tender as he holds Roman on the floor of the library.

Roman clutches him back. It’s been agony, not being able to touch him, not even the barest brush of shoulders or knocking their elbows together. But now Logan is here and he can have this.

“I don’t want serious,” he hears Logan murmur, “not from you. Alright, sometimes, yes, I want you to listen but never to be that serious. You’re—you’re you, Roman. That’s what I want.”

Oh.

He laughs as the tears start to fall onto Logan’s collar. “You found me, Logan.”

Logan just gives him a squeeze. “I did, little star.”

Oh, Roman was not prepared for that. Instead, he can hear Logan chuckle as he tenses for a moment.

“No?”

“Yes,” Roman blurts out quickly, fumbling with his clumsy tongue, “yes. So much yes.”

“Yes, it is then, little star.”

He hums contentedly, burying his nose in the crook of Logan’s neck. “You found me,” he whispers, rocking them back and forth, “and I found you.”

“Yes, little star, you found me.” Logan pulls back to cup his face, a comforting noise escaping him at the evidence of drying tears. “And now…please, don’t leave me?”

“Never, Logan,” he swears, “never again.”

He gets to see that wonderful soft glow on Logan’s face for a moment longer before that gleam—oh, that wonderful gleam—comes back as he arches an eyebrow.

“No? Then why am I still ‘Logan?’”

Oh. So that’s how this is going to go, hmm? Roman lets a little more darkness slip into his smirk than he normally would. It only grows wider as Logan looks a little surprised.

“My dearest darling nerd,” he purrs, “if you wanted me to lavish you with pet names, you know you need only ask.”

“That is not what I meant,” Logan says firmly, undone a little by the blush now fanning his cheeks.

Roman chuckles. “Oh, what’s wrong, my sweet little pi, is this not what you wanted?”

“R-Roman!”

“Goodness, Logan, your face is so warm.” Roman’s arms come up to hug him as he buries his face in his neck. “What, you can dish it out but you can’t take it?”

“You’re one to talk,” comes the slightly muffled reply, “you were blushing from my pet name too.”

“Ah, yes, how could I forget? ‘Little star,’ well…” Roman cups the back of Logan’s neck and brings that darling face back out to smile at. “If I’m the star, then you must be the whole galaxy.”

Logan tries to frown. Bless him, he tries, but he’s so flustered that it turns into this adorable pout as he leans back to get up.

“Oh, no, no, no,” Roman chuckles, wrapping his arms and legs tightly around him, “you stay right here in my lap.”

“Roman!”

“What?” He tilts his head. “Can you think of anywhere better to be than right here, in my lap…with me?”

He can’t help the note of vulnerability that slips in at the end. Maybe Logan doesn’t want this, maybe he is too much, maybe he just ruined it…

“No,” Logan murmurs after a moment, “I guess I can’t.”

And really, it is marvelous, there on the floor, golden sunlight streaming over them, in the library, surrounded by the quiet shelves and safe hallways of the house.

———————————————————————

“I have to ask,” Roman says, giving Logan a little shake after a moment, “how did you…?”

“Find out?”

“Mm.”

“Well…” Logan toys with Roman’s collar. “I was coming to ask you about it anyway, but Virgil—“

“Virgil?” Roman raises an eyebrow. “He said something now, did he?”

Logan squints at him. “…why do I have a feeling there’s more to this than you’re telling me?”

Roman shrugs. “It doesn’t really matter, not really.”

“Now that I don’t believe for an instant.”

“It got me my Logan,” Roman says softly, leaning forward to rub their noses together, “didn’t it?”

“…well yes, I suppose it did.”

Roman hums contentedly, cuddling into Logan like a lazy cat, sprawled out in the sunlight to nuzzle its kitten. A…surprisingly sweet image. The Imagination—Roman’s Imagination must be affecting him.

There are worse fates.

“But I can’t imagine,” he says after a moment, “that a prince such as yourself can allow such a slight?”

The grin on Roman’s face is priceless.

“Virgil,” Roman sings as they fling open the door to the rest of the Mindscape, and goodness Logan can’t tell you how much he’s missed that voice— “I have a question for you!”

Logan hears muffled cursing coming from the living room.

“What’s up, Princey?”

“Well our dearest Specs here just told me something very interesting—“ he winks at Logan— “and I would love to hear your side of the story.”

“Oh, uh, really? Well, that’s cool. On an unrelated note, I’m gonna be in my room for the foreseeable future.”

“Hmmm…not if I get there before you!”

“Shit!”

“My darling,” Roman says softly, pressing a kiss to the back of Logan’s hand, “will you excuse me one moment, please?”

And what is Logan supposed to do but agree? Roman is back.

“I’ll be with you shortly.”

Roman tears off down the hallway after Virgil, their shouts filling the Mindscape once more.

General Taglist:@frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes @iminyourfandom @bullet-tothefeels @full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83 @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious @firefinch-ember @fandomssaremysoul @im-an-anxious-wreck @crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch @enby-ralsei @unicornssunflowersandstuff @wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams @averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @aularei @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws @cecil-but-gayer @i-am-overly-complicated @annytheseal @alias290 @tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask @theaceofcrows @emilythezeldafan @frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires @cyanide-violence @oonagh2 @xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx @rabbitsartcorner

#sanders sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #virgil sanders #dragonbabbles #fic #logince

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wisherbysharlight · 4 years ago

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My God if I could only say, I'm holding every breath for you

Description: Patton Hart has been pining for his best friend's twin brother and his boyfriends for as long as he can remember. Word Count: 3067 Ships: Patton/Remus/Janus/Virgil, background Logince, established Remus/Janus/Virgil Warnings: Remus being Remus, twins squabbling AO3 This is a gift fic for @sunshineandteddybears for the @sanderssidesgiftxchange. The “summer romance” piece kinda got away from me, but this is definitely found family! I hope you enjoy!

Patton was wiping down the counters, about 15 minutes after closing, sunset shining through the windows as he hummed along to the radio, a sense of peace radiating through the store.

Of course, that’s when chaos erupted.

“Pattycakes, you gotta save me!” Remus cried as he threw the door open so roughly the windchimes actually smacked against the window above the door before falling back down and jingling merrily to announce his presence. He ran behind the counter with no hesitation, gripping onto Patton’s waist. (Patton only shivered because of the burst of adrenaline. That was the only reason. No other possibilities. Nope.) Remus angled them both towards the doorway just as Roman came bursting in with the same amount of urgency, fire in his eyes and shirt dripping wet and seemingly tinted a particularly garish shade of greenish-brown.

“Remus, you can’t hide behind Patton forever, you bastard!” he seethed, and Logan, Janus, and Virgil came through the door behind him, much more calm, almost to the point where Patton would call them bemused. Logan took a seat at one of the small tables along the wall, pulling out his phone with a very evident intention to simply wait the whole debacle out, while Janus and Virgil both leaned up against the glass case in front of Patton. “Get out here and face me, you coward!” Roman bellowed again, clearly not giving up anytime soon.

Patton grabbed an empty paper towel roll from next to him and turned at the waist to whack Remus in the head with it, “Remus you cannot use me as a human shield, go answer for your crimes.” “Kinky. I’d much rather have you issue my punishment,” Remus joked with an eyebrow wiggle, then cackled when Patton made a strangled noise and shoved him back to the other side of the counter. However, as soon as he was in range, Roman grabbed hold of him and pulled him into a headlock and his laughter turned swiftly into a shriek of “Oh shit!”

They were 12 years old, tearing through the woods in a dual-friend-group game of manhunt the summer before 7th grade. Virgil was hot on everyone’s heels and adrenaline was coursing through their veins. Patton leapt over a log and turned a corner, hunting for a good place to hide.

He heard a curse of “Oh shit!” echo through the woods before the sound of three branches breaking in succession, a huge crash, and a subsequent groan. He quickly pivoted and went sprinting back towards the house, and the sound, easily finding Remus splayed across the forest floor even in the dim light of the moon.

“Why would you climb a tree, silly goose? Don’t you know the branches are weak that high? Scared me half to death!” he chided as he fell to his knees beside him, already pulling band-aids out of his wallet in his pocket.

Remus grinned impishly up at him, and Patton felt his breath catch in his throat, fumbling with the wallet briefly in a way he prayed the other boy didn’t notice. “What’s a lil fear in the face of a bunch of excitement, Patty?” he crooned, and Patton shoved a handful of band-aids at him with little delicacy in his haste to move past the tease. “Besides, I have the best nurse in the world to patch me up when my fun does go south, apparently.”

Patton flushed and turned away, positive Remus could tell even in the weak light, but he couldn’t keep the earnestness out of his voice, “I’ll always patch you up, Ree. Promise.”

Remus didn’t get a chance to respond before Virgil burst through the bushes and tapped them both on the shoulder to get them out and a loud, extended debate began about the validity of the “injury time out”.

Janus leaned on the counter in front of Patton, jolting him out of his reverie. He pointed at the menu, with three shiny new additions at the bottom, “You finally manage to find a flavor sweeter than you, sugar?”

Virgil shoved him out of the way with an eye roll and a fond grin, thankfully distracting from how Patton felt his cheeks would melt the freezers. “He can’t stop flirting even for two seconds, I swear.”

Janus gasped dramatically, swooning against the counter and batting his eyes at Virgil like a starlet in an old black and white, “Maybe if you and Remus gave me the attention I deserve I wouldn’t need to hunt it down in beautiful, endearing ice cream shop owners.”

Remus snorted despite the way he was currently trying to claw his way out of his brother’s hold while being noogied like they were still teenagers and not fully grown and employed adults, “We could give you all the attention in the world, Janny, it would never stop you from flirting with Patton.”

Janus sniffed derisively at them, then cocked his head to the side as the song changed and smiled softly, “Hey, I know this song.”

Patton smiled brightly back, “Yeah of course, have it on all the playlists for the shop!”

“Simp!” Remus called over just as brightly, and Patton glared back at him, assuming it was aimed at him.

“Ok, you look miserable,” Janus said, making Patton jump from where he was staring down at his water glass watching the liquid swirl around the glass as he moved it in little circles and maybe lamenting his singledom a little bit in the face of a dance floor full of sappy teenagers in fancy clothes enjoying the crisp June night and each other as their last hurrah before graduation.

Patton plastered on a smile, “Oh Jan, I am perfectly hap-”

Janus arched a brow at him, tsking lightly and just loud enough for Patton to hear and stop speaking. “Don’t try to lie to me, I know what you look like when you are actually happy, Patton. And also you’re a god-awful liar.”

“...yeah ok. I’m a little bit lonely, maybe, with Ro and Lo gettin their dance on for the romantic stuff. But I’m not mad, they’re in love, and I told them to go hang on their own. We’ll hang out at the beach house after!” He couldn’t help but glance at the dance floor, where Logan was leading Roman in a waltz that was perfectly on time with the music, lost in their own little world.

“Well Ree and V bailed for the beach early. Not exactly their style of music or dancing, or my vibe to make them do something they don’t enjoy just to get my feet stepped on. Why don’t we be miserable together?” The song changed, to a song with a more Latin-inspired beat that Patton knew only one of every 10 words to, and Janus smirked, “Maybe you and I can even make the most of it and I can score a salsa partner.” Janus ended his proposition with an exaggerated wink and bow, and Patton took his offered hand with a genuine grin.

Janus didn’t miss a beat, switching eye contact to Roman on a dime, “Hey, did you know Remus was the one who’s been screwing with your guitar’s tuning?”

“NONONO HE’S LYING,” Remus cried as Roman tightened his hold and doubled down on his attack, this time poking at his ribs and making Remus shriek in laughter.

As Janus watched Roman wrestle Remus down to the floor of the shop, clearly satisfied with the reaction he managed to get, Virgil nudged him over with his hip to take his place leaning across the counter and whisper conspiratorially, “I bet it was actually Logan. Bastard can get away with murder, I just know it.”

Patton couldn’t help but giggle, with Virgil’s playful smile and dancing eyes across from him, so open and trusting in a way he never was unless it was just the group of them. He smirked a bit, nibbled at his lip in consideration, then leaned in to say in an equally conspiratorial style, “Logan’s only involved to see how long it’ll be before anyone catches on. My record stands.”

“You are a trickster Patton Hart,” Virgil gasped in mock-scandal. He wagged his finger with his hand on his hip in a not-half-bad impression of Patton during a lecture, though he was unable to match his Patton-ted Disappointed Frown while he was grinning, “I’d never expect my partner in crime to be doing something like this without telling me, shame on you. You know I always have your back.”

It was their last weekend of freedom before they started high school, and as per usual both twins had both their friends sleeping over. Patton woke before Logan and Roman, also as per usual, and snuck out of Roman’s room down to the kitchen, only to jolt as he found the light already on and Virgil sitting on the kitchen counter.

“Whatcha doin?” Virgil asked, legs kicking in the air in front of the cabinets lazily.

“Gonna try to make pancakes! I’m positive I won’t burn them this time, I just know it,” Patton enthused, then squinted suspiciously at Virgil, “What’re you doing?”

“Oh just hanging around, keeping an eye out in case anyone tries to burn the house down again so I can help out. Figured they might need a partner in arson crime, ya know, and I could let them know I’ve got their back,” Virgil teased, nudging Patton’s leg with a sock clad foot. He looked so precious with his sleep mussed hair and eyeliner from the night before smudged under his eyes that Patton couldn’t even bring himself to argue that he really didn’t need a babysitter. Honestly, he couldn’t even begin to pretend he didn’t want the excuse to spend more time with him.

The twins’ argument grew more heated, finally managing to distract Patton from where he was a bit lost in the way Virgil’s eyes lit up when he was amused.

“You fucked up one of my favorite shirts!” Roman screeched as he attempted to give his brother a wet willy.

“You put red koolaid in my shampoo two weeks ago, you baby!” Remus cried back, shoving at his shoulder to try to get him off, and succeeding rolling them only for Roman to roll them straight back.

“I know you were the one who put my script out of order,” Roman fired back.

“You should have been off book anyway! And you broke bro code and told Virgil I was the one who deleted his X-Files off the DVR. You are just as bad as me.”

“You gave mom’s computer a porn virus and blamed it on me!” Roman protested, and everyone else seemed to simultaneously sigh as they descended into their usual back and forth of dredged-up pettiness.

“Oh you're still - you squashed my bug collection.”

“You left me stranded in the yard after Remy’s homecoming party senior year.”

“That was absolutely justified, you made me listen to you wax poetic about Logan’s fucking lips for 3 hours.”

“You made me listen to you wax poetic about Patton’s EVERYTHING for 13 YEARS”

Everyone in the shop simultaneously went silent in a blink of an eye. Virgil went white as a sheet and swung to look at the twins with wide eyes, Janus gripped the counter white-knuckled and looked at Patton with a similarly stunned expression, and Remus turned nearly as red as the sash on Roman’s favorite Prince Charming costume. He shoved Roman off of him for real, a more severe growl to his voice as he seemed to realize there was no way to play it cool, “You are such a fucking dick!”

Roman stammered for a moment, clearly trying to digest the change in tone and the weight of what he’d said, before waving his arms above his head in apparent bafflement, “It’s not like he didn’t know you all were into him!”

“Roman,” Logan spoke up suddenly, gesturing at Patton and what Patton knew had to be a completely shell-shocked expression.

Roman looked up and went just as wide-eyed as the others, “Pat… did... did you not know?”

“...all of you?” Patton asked, then winced as his voice cracked in shock. He watched Virgil flinch and seem to retreat into his hoodie out of the corner of his eye, and Janus’ face smoothed over into a perfect mask of calm in the blink of an eye. He felt his heart break just a little bit at the disappointment in both of their eyes at what he was sure they saw as a rejection.

Logan grabbed Roman’s arm and yanked him away roughly, though Roman followed easily, “You all clearly need to communicate. I will handle this one.”

“Don’t wanna know about you handling my brother, poindexter,” Remus joked hollowly, sounding almost like it was a reflex with none of his usual cackle behind it.

Logan rolled eyes and headed out the door, tugging behind him a Roman who was fervently whispering, just barely audibly, “He didn't know, how did he not know,” to himself over and over again.

There’s silence in the shop for a while, just the sound of the radio faintly playing over the loudspeakers echoing off the walls as they all just stare at each other, not knowing how to start. Then Janus took a deep breath and spoke first, “Patton, I refuse to speak for these two clowns, but I will absolutely tell you that I, at the very least, have had feelings for you for many years, feelings which i was unaware I was not making perfectly clear, or that there was a chance of any sort of reciprocation.”

“Around 7 years for me, give or take. That first morning we made pancakes together,” Virgil added quietly, fiddling with the zipper on his sleeve.

Remus averted his gaze, looking nervous in the way Patton had only seen the day before he confessed to Virgil and Janus in high school, and admitted in the quietest voice Patton’d ever heard him use, “I don’t know exactly when, Pattycakes. You’ve always been there and as far as I’m concerned I’ve loved you just as long. And-and I just assumed it wasn’t returned.”

Patton swallowed thickly, trying to push back tears because he knew these boys and knew they would take them for disappointment rather than the joy they were. He dove at Remus first, vaulting the counter the way he always scolded Roman against and sliding to his knees next to the other man on the floor before crushing him in a hug. He flailed back at Janus and Virgil with one hand to pull them in as well, “Come here, all of you, we’ve lost so much valuable cuddle time!”

Patton was pretty sure Janus broke the sound barrier with how quickly he was plastered to his side and burying his face in his hair, and Virgil wasn’t far behind, wrapping an arm around his waist and burying his face in the crease of his neck and shoulder. Patton took that moment to be a bit daring himself and press a kiss to the corner of Remus’ lips, then giggled brightly when Remus grabbed hold of his cardigan and used it to pull him back in to kiss him full on the mouth with just as much passion and impulsiveness and laughter as Patton had always imagined. His mustache tickled Patton’s nose a bit but he leaned into it, humming happily in the back of his throat and feeling like a puzzle piece clicked into place.

Virgil only gave them a minute before he untucked his face from Patton’s neck and grouched that he wanted a turn. Remus let Patton go with a very put-upon sigh that didn’t match his playful grin, flicking Virgil on the nose lightly. “You gotta give him his kisses or he’ll never shut the fuck up,” he fake-whispered.

Patton grinned and turned readily to Virgil, and his lips met Patton’s in a much gentler dance. His kiss was no less deep or passionate for its caution, and his hands cupped his face like he feared Patton would float away if he didn’t hold tight. His fingers curled and twitched upwards like they wanted to bury themselves in his hair but didn’t want to overstep, so Patton took the initiative to grip the back of his neck and tilt his own head to encourage Virgil to do what he wished.

Janus was more patient, waiting for them to part for breath a few minutes later before taking hold of Patton’s chin from Virgil without a word and gently but firmly turning Patton towards him. Janus’ kiss could only be described as a caress, light and teasing and peppered with soft nips to his bottom lip before building up to something more solid. His warm hands rubbed calmingly up and down Patton’s spine and over his shoulders like he couldn’t figure out where he wanted to touch first.

Remus soon demanded he get another shot, then Virgil wanted another, then Janus again, leaving Patton so beyond cloud 9 he could barely think any more. They spent at least 20 minutes there on the floor, lost in each other, rotating kisses that were long overdue, letting their actions make the confessions their words hid from for years, not daring to move and break the spell of the moment.

Then a camera shutter sounded, paired with a bright flash of light that made them all jolt and look up in surprise.

“I said communicate you know, not make out on the floor,” Logan sighed, digging through his wallet to pull a 20 out to hand to Roman, who was grinning victoriously.

“I’m sorry for being a dick, but I had to do something and I told Logan the “accidental slip” would work,” Roman said as he pressed a triumphant kiss to Logan’s cheek and pocketed the 20, “But you have to admit it was a pretty great performance on my part.”

“Can’t believe I was betrayed by my best friends, I don’t know whether I owe you a scolding or a fruit basket,” Patton lamented playfully, cheeks hurting from how wide he was smiling. Janus ruined what little remained of the facade even more as he shifted slightly and pulled him into his lap and Patton clung tight to Virgil and Remus’ hands, with no intention of disconnecting any time soon.

#IntruAnaMoCeit #patton/dark sides #patton/remus/janus/virgil #polyamsanders #ts fic #i had no idea how to tag this #all sides #remus mention

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wish-i-wasnt-a-coward · 3 years ago

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Don’t be a coward

a/n: So, I’m super proud of this story but the first one did not do as well as I hoped. If you could, please like and re-blog it would make me so happy. Thank you all so much :)

Part 1, Part 2

Parings: Logince, Moxiety, and Demus

Warnings: cursing, vague sex mentions, food, a ridiculous amount of pining, kissing, minor intoxication, alcohol mention (everyone is 18)

Word count: 2,044

✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ��*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Roman ran his fingers through his tousled hair, “Why is it so difficult to ask people out? '' he wined, dropping his head into his hands. Logan smirked from across the table, “asking someone to the ball is no more difficult than any of the abundance of sentences you have said in your short life” he sassed over his text-book. Roman just groaned and flipped the pages of his herbology book absentmindedly.

Their study session was interrupted as Patton plopped down next to the frustrated boy. “Awww Roman, what’s wrong?” he asked and pulled out his homework. “He doesn’t have a date to the yule ball and is complaining about it, unsurprisingly” Logan responded for the grumpy Gryffindor.

“Come on kiddo, you got this! Anyone would be lucky to have you as a date” the bubbly boy said, wrapping his arm around Roman, who was still sulking. “Tell that to Logan, he’s being mean” Roman grumbled. “mm-hmm” The Ravenclaw hummed, not looking up from his book.

Patton laughed, “come on, there’s got to be someone you like!” Roman shook his head, “Yeah, like I’ve got a chance with them” Patton frowned, “that sounded a bit self-deprecating kiddo, don’t make me get violent” he chastised hugging Roman tighter.

Roman looked incredulously at Patton, “I’m not being self-deprecating Pat, I’m just being honest. I’m a Triwizard champion and not one person wants to be with me” Logan looked over his book, “in a romantic sense” Roman corrected.

“While that is statistically very improbable I do understand your distress, a Triwizard champion that does not have a date would most certainly be ridiculed during the first dance” Logan said, finally putting down his book. “I’ll be leaving you now, I will see you both at the feast,” Logan said, brushing off his skirt and sauntering away.

“Hey, pat?” Patton hummed, “do you have a date?” The Hufflepuff froze, “why do ya ask kiddo?” Roman shrugged, “I was wondering if we could go platonically, if you don’t have a date of course” Patton smiled awkwardly, “Awwww, that’s sweet, but I already have a date. I’m sorry!”

Roman eyes widened, “You- You have a date?” Patton nodded, “they asked me not to tell anyone but I figured you should know” the Gryffindor nodded, impressed. “I can not believe you got a date before me”

Pattan grinned, “well you could always ask out Logan” Roman glared at him, “you know I want to ask out Logan. But he’s either gonna think it’s platonic or he’s gonna turn me down, and then I’ll be too heartbroken to dance” the frustrated boy dropped his head into his hands, “I’m screwed either way”.

Patton just laughed and smiled knowingly.

✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

The weeks leading up to the ball went far too fast. Of course Roman was as petrified as you could get. He had decided, dragons had nothing on this.

He did end up with a date, some younger girl had asked and he figured there was no reason to say no. Logan did not receive a date but said he couldn’t care less. He planned to show up to support his friends, and then go back to the library.

Roman could hear his brother shuffling around the back of the common room, probably trying to destroy his dress robes even more. He wasn’t sure if Remus had a date but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. Remus did his own thing, he would be fine. The boy straightened his deep red dress robes the best he could, took a deep breath, and went down to meet his date.

The date in question wore a long orange dress, similar to Romans red. The two walked to the great hall arm in arm, she wasn’t very talkative and mostly seemed to be going out with him for clout. Roman was well aware that this was as good as he was going to get.

But it was pretty good, the hall was covered in glistening decorations, and snow fell gently on their heads. Romans date squealed in excitement, but Roman really couldn’t care less about the hall.

Logan was there.

The Ravenclaw wore a simple blue button-down shirt tucked into a long black skirt that was embroidered with silver constellations. His mid-length hair was pulled up into a bun that had been impaled by his wand. The light of the decorations seemed to bounce off of him like he was glowing.

“Oh my, he looks beautiful” Roman nodded but his date wasn’t facing Logan. After a moment of confusion, he followed her gaze.

Patton, yes Patton, floated down the staircase. His light blue floor-length gown flowed around him like water as he walked. A sparkly headband was nestled in his curly hair and light makeup adorned his face along with a wide grin. He looked like a goddess, or at the very least a princess. Of course, Logan looked better in Roman’s eyes but Patton was a close second.

Virgil walked up to Patton, bowing deeply and holding out his arm. Patton giggled and took it, allowing himself to be lead away. Roman’s jaw must have hit the floor. Not only did Patton look amazing but Virgil had asked him out, and he had said yes!

Roman’s date clung to his arm a little painfully as they followed the pair to the Professor leading the champions to the dance floor.

The first dance was clumsy, and the second not much better. Roman was a decent dancer but he kept getting distracted by Logan, who kept popping up in his peripheral vision while conversing with the guests. His date was not happy with him. As soon as the dance floor was full she stalked away angrily, her orange dress flying behind her.

Roman hoped she got a better dance partner.

Patton and Virgil still flew above the others, Janus had found himself a date as well. It looked like a Hogwarts student, but Roman couldn’t place them. They both wore yellow and green dress robes and floated almost as much as Patton and Virgil. Perhaps slightly less elegantly but floating nonetheless. A stark contrast to Roman’s dancing moments before.

The champion slinked off of the dance floor. Roman was so wrapped up in his thoughts he almost slammed into a familiar figure carrying drinks, “oh my gosh, I’m so sorry- Oh Logan! How are you” Roman said, smiling at the boy.

“I’m doing quite well, thank you Roman,” Logan said happily, “would you like to find a seat? I wouldn’t mind talking for a while” Roman nodded vigorously and the two made their way over to an empty table.

“Is it safe to assume you did not know of Patton’s date?” Logan asked. Roman nodded, “I knew he had one but I didn’t know who it was” Logan bit his lip thoughtfully, “Me as well, and your brother?”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows, “my brother?” he questioned. “Yes your brother, is that not him dancing with the Baubax champion?” Roman looked back onto the dance floor catching a glimpse of the yellow and green dancers,

“HOLY SHIT!!! That is my brother! I didn’t know he had a date, he’s going out with Janus! Why is he so clean!!!” Roman said, freaking out.

Logan laughed, “yes I figured it would be a surprise. I was there when Remus asked, it was quite amusing. I was surprised Janus said yes” Roman grinned, interested, “tell me about it!” he said and shimmied closer to Logan excitedly.

The two sat and talked for quite a while. By the time the dance floor had cleared a bit, they were both drowsy and perhaps a bit tipsy. “Dance with me?” Roman offered his hand, mustering what little courage he had left. Logan nodded happily, taking Roman’s hand and allowing himself to be led onto the floor.

‘This is more like floating’ Roman thought he wrapped his hands around Logan’s waist. Logan was an excellent dancer, much better than his last partner (no shade to her but Logan is perfect in every way).

As they danced they passed Patton who squealed excitedly and whispered something to his partner. Virgil smiled at Roman in a congratulatory way, Roman smiled right back. They also passed Roman’s brother who stuck out his tongue at Roman and flipped him off. Roman retaliated instantly, causing both Logan and Janus to laugh.

Logan leaned his forehead against Roman’s shoulder, “I like dancing with you” he mumbled into the red fabric, “I like dancing with you too” Roman said his face now matching his robes.

In a bout of bravery, he pressed a kiss to the top of Logan’s head. Logan pulled Roman even closer and breathed deeply.

They stayed like this for hours. Patton and Virgil disappeared and Remus was unabashedly making out with Janus in the corner of the ballroom. Roman tugged on Logan’s sleeve after the Ravenclaw yawned one too many times. “Bed?” Logan nodded sleepily.

Roman walked Logan to the Ravenclaw common room. Logan stopped in front of the door letting go of Roman’s hand for the first time since the ballroom. “Well, I’ll see you later,” Logan said, “uh, yah! Tomorrow” Roman waved. Logan turned to go.

‘Come on, don’t be a coward’ Roman could hear his brother scolding him. “Logan?”

The Ravenclaw wiped around, “yes?” Roman took a step, “can I, um” he glanced down at Logan's lips, Logan nodded, “you may”.

Neither were sure who closed the gap.

Romans head filled with styrofoam as Logan’s lips connected with his. The Ravenclaw moved his hands to cup Romans face as Romans arms wrapped around his waist on instinct. Fireworks exploded around them, skin was cleared, crops were watered, all was well with the world.

Then Logan pulled away. “Good night Roman,” he said grinning. Roman stood shell-shocked and Logan disappeared up the stairs. The Gryffindor ran his fingers across his lips and smiled.

✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Weeks had flown by and the second task hung above the champion’s heads like swords. Logan and Patton helped Roman crack the egg puzzle in every way they could, but It just kept screaming.

Virgil and Janus had started hanging out with the group of misfits. Janus was snarky and quick with a joke, they all grew to like him. Patton asked Virgil on another date and a few days later the two officially started dating.

Logan and Roman danced around each other both unsure how to ask the other out. Especially with the second task approaching alarmingly fast.

“Roman!” a voice called from down the hallway, Roman turned towards it and smiled seeing it was Virgil, “Roman, I need to tell you something” Virgil painted, “yeah?”. “I know we agreed not to talk about the tournament because we’re both competing”

Roman tried to cut them off, “wait, listen. I never returned the tip about the dragons and you need to know” Roman looked hesitant, “I’m not sure…” Virgil sighed, “just…. you know the prefect’s bathroom,” he said. “Umm yeah,” Roman blinked, “it’s not a bad place for a bath” Roman blinked, “What? The hell does that mean???” but Virgil was already gone.

That night Roman snuck down to the prefect’s bathroom, carrying the egg gingerly. He stripped down to his underwear and slipped into the huge bathtub. He turned back towards the egg sitting on the side. “This is crazy” he whispered to himself and screwed open the top. Screams filled the bathroom and Roman clamped it shut.

“What the hell are you doing?” a voice called from the doorway.

Logan walked in, turning away red-faced when he saw Roman in the bathtub. “My question stands, what the fuck are you doing?” he asked embarrassed. “Umm, I got a tip that I should take a bath with the egg. Figured we didn’t have many other ideas, so...” Roman trailed off, equally red.

Logan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and turning back towards Roman, “did you try putting it in the water?” he asked exasperatedly. “no” Roman admitted quietly, picking up the egg and dunking it in the water.

He took a breath and screwed it open. There were no screams, Logan gestured at the tub, “go listen”. Roman plunged into the water.

Come seek us where our voices sound, We cannot sing above the ground, An hour-long you'll have to look, To recover what we took

Roman came up gasping for air. “what did it say!” Logan asked excitedly sitting next to the tub. Once Roman had caught his breath he repeated what the egg had said.

Logan looked thoughtful. “Perhaps a see-dwelling creature… one that sings” he murmured. “Roman, do you know of any mermaid populations in the black lake”

Roman nodded excitedly, “Logan you’re a genius” he exclaimed pulling himself out of the water and hugging Logan tightly.

Logan flushed and pressed a kiss to Roman’s wet hair. “Thank you, but the work isn’t over yet,” he said, pulling away now soaking wet, “what does the second half mean and how are you going to be underwater for an hour?” he exclaimed thinking rapidly. Roman nodded, drying himself off and pulling back on his clothes.

“Right, that may be a problem” he contemplated. “But a problem for future you and me. It’s late, we should go to bed” Logan shrugged, “you’re right, we should. May I walk you back?”

And if Roman wasn’t there when Remus woke up, well, that’s none of your business.

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