#this would be the perfect time to quit if i didnt need money to survive in this capitalist hellscape
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once again my vday has been hijacked
#were getting a Big Very Important visit at work….. on feb 15#that i need to prepare for and stress over#cuz its like an exam. and i am So Bad at exams#im sure itll be ok but thanks i hate it!!!!#and it being literally the day after vday lmao thanks😭😭😭😭#this would be the perfect time to quit if i didnt need money to survive in this capitalist hellscape
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I have a friend that seems kinda similar to you personality wise so i was kinda curious what you thought about this conversation we had:
Friend: This reminds me of someones post from today. They were complaining about how they'd have to look for a full time job soon. I barely held back myself from typing "Work to survive, that's what everyone has to do, if you are not born into a filthy rich family ig".
Me: I think if there's no work to do then you shouldn't have to work. Perfect world is one where everyone needs to work as little as possible. Isn't that what everyone is working towards? Everyone works to have enough money to not have to work anymore.
Friend: I didnt think of it from that perspective. I just always think "Why to work? To make money. And then? Nothing. Just work, make money, use money for the things you need and want, repeat". I'm the type of person to work just for the sake of it (and for money).
Me: I feel like i always need to have some kind of end goal.
Friend: Dude my end goal is just "Build up a good reputation, have lots of money, and live well". Then die i guess idk.
Me: Makes sense, i guess.
Friend: Whenever I hear someone saying "I cant do this!" when they actually can, I feel like saying to their face "You can, you are just fucking lazy and dumb".
They also called you a chad btw.
Have quite a few thoughts, but I think the two that stand out the most for each of you are...
If there is no work to do, then there is no purpose or desire to be achieved. Life without purpose is meaningless, so I would adamantly disagree with your vision of a perfect world.
As for your friend, they would be correct that some people do truly benefit from being told, "You can, you are just fucking lazy and dumb" as it can serve as the motivation they need to overcome their obstacle(s). In contrast and like most things in life, there rarely is a one-size-fits-all solution and criticizing someone already down can further validate or even exacerbate their depressed beliefs.
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As was necessary for my brain: The octopath modern AU with no changes to the story, Olberic’s version cus i have been dying to do this (AKA Octopath traveler but it is just a wacky roadtrip through europe and everyone has some sort of criminal history)
- Olberic here is a bodyguard to the king of... lets just say England. With his bff Erhardt
-The two get along rather well, they have the same interests, same skills, and the same urge to duel grandmas protect people’
-They dated for a lil bit
-Well, that was until the sudden day Erhardt decided to get the glock and just put a bullet through the king’s head while Olberic was getting a snack.
-It was sad
-It was also gay
-Mainly sad do
-The death of the king just wiped England of the entire world like any other sort of government doesn’t exist.
-Our man Olberic here decides that now is the perfect time (at the ripe old age of 27 mind you) TO NOT CALL THE COPS but to have a midlife crisis
-The crisis being 1. moving to some random town in scotland 2. deciding that Berg was a much better name than Olberic and 3. he was so going to unofficialy adopt that child even if it would kill him
-Well all that was quite fine, untill some hoe came along and messed with his unofficially adopted child
-Of course, our man Olberic got the glock because he was going to get that child back even if it would kill him AND NOT CALL THE COPS.
-Well, it almost killed him, but that shit didnt matter cus he had the child and figured out mister kidnapper had been using one very special glock
-Erhardt’s glock
-Cue some sad/sentimental music
-Cue also another midlife crisis
-Cus now we have a mission to go and kill that man
-and also he found some confused german history professor in that cave as if that day could not get weird enough
-The man was named Cyrus and there were two distinct traits about him 1. he was freaking cute 2. he was currently fleeing charges of pedophilia
-Which Cyrus, dumb as he is, told, just before telling all about a library book he had set out to find.
-(Luckily for him, false charges, Olberic had a glock in hand as soon as that fact came out)
-So, as Olberic now has to go to france to beat a few people up now, they decide to travel together.
-The boat was definetly almost set on fire, but they survived.
-On the way there they meet some Dutch girl with an emotional attachment to working at a supermarket, and some Belgian dude who likes free healthcare (and definetly does not have the papers to be a practising doctor).
-They are both adopted into this weird party because that is what happens
-Cue arriving in victors hollow
-Tournament takes place, something is set on fire again, and Olberic gets to meet our buddy Gustav
-Erhardt had apparently gone to spain to escape them charges of murder and several warcrimes.
-Welp, they went to Spain
-In the meantime they found yet another addition to the family, a woman and her snowleopard on the run from charges of assault on grandmas
-Problem: she only spoke French so everyone is kind of unsure if they are kidnapping her or that she is here voluntarily
-Well, everyone here already belonged in jail so what is another charge to the list?
-Cue Spanish things Idk
-They find Erhardt in some small village basically doing the same job Olberic had been doing for the past years.
- Olberic, being the impulsive idiot he is, goes to Erhardt and shoots him in the shoulder
-But alas, murdering your ex was apparently a bit too hard on the guy
-Especially if it was in front of your adopted children and the guy you are now crushing on.
-And a police officer
-And the corpse of some random animal you shot
-Cue that part of It’s quite uptown which goes forgiveness can you imagineeeee
-So, Erhardt spills the TRAGIC BACKSTORY TM
-That is how mister Werner here got on the list of ‘People that need murdering’
-So, they head to Belgium with yet another adition to the list of people who should be in jail but are not, a dancer who is now escaping murder charges in Norway.
-How she got them do, nobody has any clue.
-But she and H’aanit get along quite nicely, due to the shared murder charges (and Linde not wanting to eat someone for one single moment)
-Cue Belgium
-Werner, now the illigitemate lord of some rando city, is just vibin
-Well, not for long
-After question for 5 minutes why no one has called the cops of this guy yet, it was murdering time
-Well, it was supposed to be, but H’aanit got upset that the man had a horse and if they killed him the horse would be sad.
-All said in the great language of French that no one understood
-So Olberic shot the guy anyway
-Cue victory music!
-...And subsequently getting arrested by the police
-What? You think you can just go run around killing people? Absurd
-Luckily, there was one man among them who had in fact a law degree which he just was too dumb to put to use on his own charges
-Cyrus motherfucking Albright
-...Which was a bit of a problem considering he definetly was not an attorney in Belgium
-Cue trying to find money for a fucking attorney
-They do, and Olberic gets of with a fine for property destruction
-(A fine they never payed)
-Cyrus and Olberic get together, Tressa gets 50 bucks from bets and everyone lives happily ever after evading the criminal justice system
So, is it 3am where I am at? Yes
Have I just eaten 4 rolls of smarties? Yes
Should I have reconsidered the idea of writing this? Yes
For everyone wondering, the idea was from a dream I had were Cyrus had a german accent anyways goodbye
#octopath traveler#eisenbright#Cyrus Albright#olberic eisenberg#tressa colzione#alfyn greengrass#h'aanit#primrose azelhart#the author regrets everything
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Take care of him - Jumin Han
Warnings: angst, death, NOT a happy ending
Summary: you and Jumin were living a happy life with your baby girl, until an accident happened that put your life on the line
Hi! I wanted to put it out there that this is a heavy topic. I lost my mom when I was still a toddler and so I don’t have any memories of her. So this is quite an emotional thing for me to write but I hope y’all angst ppl enjoy
“Jumin,” you called, poking your head in the door of his home office. You had your daughter on your hip; she was only ten months old but was the light of you and your husband’s life. “When do you think you’ll be done?” You tried to convince him to take a year off for the baby; he couldn’t do that of course. It was selfish to think so. But you didn’t want him to miss a moment of the baby’s first year.
He looked up at you and the baby, a bright smile on his face. “I’ll try and get done soon,” his face fell a little, “but it still might be an hour or so.”
You walked over to him, bending down to kiss his cheek. “Okay!” You directed your attention to the baby. “You say okay dada? Da-da?” You were working on her saying her first words.
She just gurbled a little. Jumin chuckled and leaned in to kiss her. “I’ll be out as soon as possible,” he told you. You went back out to play for a little before she would get tired.
She was fond of the plastic key rings. She liked the sound it made when she shook it. And teething with it, of course. Her second favorite toy was probably her lamby stuffed animal. Or Elizabeth the 3rd, although you weren’t sure if she counted as a toy. It was nice to get her used to the cat, who walked over to sniff her and usually got pulled about by the baby. She dealt with it for her. She even would come over when the baby cried. Elizabeth really was a good cat.
You kept your eye on her as you walked over to fill Elizabeth’s dish for food. And then it happened. “Ma-ma?” She called.
You nearly passed out. You rushed over to her. “Jumin!” You called, hoping he wasn’t in a meeting. You swung her into your arms. “Hi Baby! Did you say Mama? Ma-ma?” You tickled her tummy, making her laugh.
Then you took her to her father. You didn’t even bother knocking this time around. “Guess what!?” You asked excitedly. He turned his chair to focus his attention on you. His eyes were tired but he was still smiling; he always was for the two of you. “She said her first words. You tell Daddy what you said? Mama? Ma-ma? Ma-ma?”
“Mama!” She squealed. Jumin’s face lit up. She giggled and burbled and squirmed. She was so proud of herself.
“Wow! Your first words!” Jumin said excitedly. He stood up from his seat. “This is wonderful!”
“Isn’t it so exciting!?” You were walking on air.
The phone rang. Jumin sighed. “I can get it. You spend some time with her,” you offered, handing her over to her father. He let out a sigh of relief and took her, bouncing her slightly as you went to get the phone.
Press. How did they get your home phone number? You rolled your eyes and hung up, making your way back over to your happy family.
She was crying. Jumin was rocking her, singing softly. He’d never let anyone on the planet hear him sing, spare the two of you. He heard your footsteps and glanced at you. “I feel like she always cries when I hold her.” He sounded slightly frustrated, slightly broken-hearted. “How about I take next week off so we can all spend more time together?”
“That sounds perfect.” You wrapped your arms around his back, nuzzling into his shoulder. Your eyes caught the clock. So that’s why she was crying. “She’s just hungry. Let me go feed her, then she’ll be all happy again.” Jumin passed her off to your arms and she continued crying, clearly ready to eat. Once you got her latched on she was finally quiet.
The next day you weren’t feeling well. Same for the day after. It was probably a million things: feeding the baby, lack of sleep, stress, change in diet from after the baby was born. The doctor had to call in some medicine for you.
You shrugged on a jacket, glancing over at your baby all decked out in a pastel pink winter coat. You knocked on Jumin’s door. “Jumin?” You opened it slightly. “I’m going to the pharmacy to get my medicine. Do you wanna come with us?”
He ran a hand through his hair. He looked exhausted. “I can just send someone to do that for you, Love.”
You couldn’t meet his eye. “I’m... embarrassed about it,” you pouted. “That my whole body is out of wack. I don’t want anyone picking it up. Feels too personal.”
“I wish I could go, but I have a meeting in a few minutes,” he frowned, “Can I have a kiss before you go?”
You laughed, walking over to him to peck him on the lips. “Always,” you whispered. “Love you. Say bye-bye Dada,” you told your baby. She fell silent.
“She’ll get it soon,” Jumin encouraged. You nodded, then headed out.
You strapped her in the car seat and began the drive to the pharmacy. “Dada. Da-da. Can you say dada for me baby?” You encouraged her throughout the drive. What a surprise it’d be to Jumin when she finally got it! You’d just have to keep pushing it.
The car shouldn’t have been there. It shouldn’t have run the red light. It shouldn’t have hit the driver’s seat, sending the car spinning, slamming your front side into a building.
But it was. And it did.
Why were you calling him so soon? Maybe you forgot something at home. Jumin muted himself from the conference call and picked up. “Hi Honey,” he greeted, “I’m still in a meet-“
“Sir? Is this Jumin Han?” That wasn’t his wife’s voice. His heart dropped. His mouth was dry.
“Yes it is.”
Silence. For too long. Every second felt like an hour.
“Your wife has gotten into an accident. Her and the baby are still breathing, but she’s in and out of consciousness. We’re taking them to the hospital. Do you give permission for them to be operated on if necessary?”
And for once, he had no words.
Words used to fly freely from his mouth. Compliments came naturally to him. He always knew what to say. He was raised from birth on how to speak and articulate everything flawlessly. But now he couldn’t speak.
“Sir?”
“Yes. Yes, of course.” What was once slow-motion was finally back to real-time, which felt like a million miles an hour compared to how it was. “What hospital?”
“Saint Joe’s.”
“On my way.”
He hung up the phone. Unmuted himself. “I have a family emergency. We can continue this later.” Didnt wait for a response. Left the call. Forgot a coat. Couldn’t wait for Driver Kim. Drove himself to a hospital. You were a good driver. He was a bad driver. He cursed the world that he made it to the hospital safely. Why did you get in an accident but he didn’t? You were the careful one. Why didn’t you call Driver Kim? He was angry at the world.
You were in surgery when he arrived. They were running tests on his daughter. She appeared pretty unscathed. You had put her on the passenger’s side; a move that saved her life. She never would have survived if she had been on the other side of the car.
She was okay. They gave her to him. She was in his arms. She was okay.
You had gotten out of surgery. They had to monitor you to see if it was successful, but you were out and coming to consciousness.
“...Jumin?” You whimpered, opening your eyes. Your body felt like it was on fire. But he was there, holding your baby. The baby was okay. “Am I dreaming?” You choked out. Were you both really okay?
A tear fell down his cheek. He walked over to you. “You’re not dreaming. She’s okay. And you’re here. You’re here with me. You’re okay,” he whispered. He was afraid if he spoke aloud his voice would crack.
“Oh.” You sighed. “Good.”
And then the waterworks hit. You were crying. “I didn’t mean to. I endangered us. The car came out of nowhere Jumin. I didn’t know what to do! Is the other person okay too?”
He hadn’t even thought to ask. He’d find out later. That wasn’t the main concern. Right now, he was here with you and with the baby, and that was all that mattered.
“They’re keeping you tonight to make sure the surgery was successful,” he stated simply. He couldn’t even listen to his own words. He had been so frightened. But you made it. Of course it was successful. You were breathing and crying and smiling in front of him.
“Take her home.”
He frowned harshly. “I can’t leave you here.”
You frowned right back at him. “She’s going to be hungry soon. She needs you with her. Don’t make her stay with someone unfamiliar, or stay somewhere as strange as this after all she’s been through.”
He sighed. “You’re right.”
“I know I am.”
He kissed your forehead. He took her hand and made her wave. They left.
Your body was on fire. A constant pain. A constant ache that couldn’t go away, no matter how much morphine they gave you.
The next morning Jumin was back. His hair was wet. He had showered. She was in a tutu. She looked cute; he had done a good job dressing her. She was grinning and squeaking and flapping her arms. The doctor told you the surgery was unsuccessful.
Money could buy anything... right?
Another surgery. It was dangerous. There was a lot of internal bleeding. But you needed it. If you didn’t get it, you wouldn’t last more than 3 days. Jumin’s face was stoic. “What are the chances of success?”
“10%,” the doctor said simply, as though this was nothing new or shocking.
“And what if we’re in the 90%?” Jumin fired back. The doctor didn’t answer. He couldn’t meet your eye. That was an answer enough for you.
You looked at Jumin. Put on a smile. Smile. Smile. “10% is 1 in 10. I’m healthy. I eat well, I exercise. We need to do it,” you encouraged him. You never told him about the fire you felt every time you breathed. He didn’t need to know.
“Okay.” You could hardly hear his voice. “Okay.”
The doctor would prep the room for surgery. It would be about an hour. Jumin’s face was crumpled. He was trying so hard to keep it in.
“Hey,” you nudged him. You forced yourself to be optimistic, because what else could you be? “Go get a coffee.”
“I can’t leave you right now. There’s only an hour.”
“Yeah, an hour and then I’ll be gone for a few and then a whole lifetime. Go get a coffee. You look tired.” You weren’t lying. He seemed exhausted. You didn’t think he got any sleep. “And get roses maybe.”
“You want roses?” He smiled.
You laughed. Fire in your gut. “Duh. I’m gonna be here for a few days at least. It’ll liven the place up.”
“Okay. How many?” He put a smile on his face too.
“I don’t know... however many you feel like. I’ll even take the baby so you can pick out in peace.” You held your arms out to take her. Jumin carefully set her in your arms. “I missed holding her last night.”
“I’ll be right back. I love you.” He gave you a peck on the lips.
“I love you more.”
And then it was just you and the baby. You could finally let your eyes water. “1 in 10 is still good chances, Baby,” you told her. You knew she couldn’t understand. But you wanted to tell her. “But the way I feel right now... I don’t feel very good.”
You kissed her little cheek. “I’m so happy I could bring you into this world. Make you laugh and speak and crawl. Feed you in the middle of the night. Protect you from that car. I don’t care if it hurt me instead. I protected you.”
Tears were falling. Dripping onto her cheeks. You wiped furiously at your eyes. This wasn’t fair to anyone. “I’m... if I’m okay then you can forget this ever happened. You won’t remember anyways. If I’m gone today you’ll never remember me. I will only live in photographs and old interviews and stories your father will tell. It’ll be hard to grow up without a mother. You’ll panic when you get your first period and Daddy is no help at all. I hope they’ll step up and help you... all our friends. Just... be there for him. Okay? He will watch you grow and teach you so much but... you take care of him too. He’ll get a million things wrong. But he made you. And that was right. And that’s enough for me to know he will take care of you.”
Jumin remembered flowers made you sneeze. If they didn’t make your nose so itchy he would have bought the whole gift shop of flowers. That would have been inconsiderate to other families. He bought baby pink lilies, carrying them up in their pretty vase.
“Hi,” you smiled, greeting him as he entered. You were happy you had stopped talking to the baby when you did. Your tears were all wiped away. You were presentable enough to not show your husband your fear. He set the flowers down next to you. “Those are beautiful.”
“I thought... since she likes pink so much, they’d remind you of her when she goes home at night and you have to stay here,” he shrugged. He put on a smile.
You scooted over in your bed, which was easier said than done. “Come sit with me until they’re ready.” You patted the spot on the bed next to you. “I’m a little nervous.”
“I am too... but you said it yourself. It’ll be okay.” He was smiling again. None of his smiles were genuine. They hadn’t been since he walked through that door this morning.
You looked at him. His mind was clearly racing. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close. “You can tell me you’re scared,” you whispered.
“I... I can’t raise her alone.” He buried his face into your neck. Tears soaked the collar of your hospital gown. “I can’t even hold her for ten minutes without her crying.”
“She’s a baby, Jumin. She cries every ten minutes in general.” You couldn’t cry. You focused on your baby’s eyes, shut as she napped in your arms. “I’ll fight my absolute hardest, Jumin. You can’t get rid of me as easily as you think.” If you had to leave this world... you wanted his last memories of you to be happy.
When they came to get you, he kissed you. Once, twice, three times. You kissed the baby. And all you could think was you couldn’t be done. You didn’t formally say goodbye to him. You hadn’t talked to any of the RFA members. You didn’t ask Jaehee to help with your daughter just in case. You didn’t even tell Elizabeth goodbye on your way out last time. You’d have to come back and do it then.
He almost dropped the baby when they told him you didn’t make it. She was so calm. She was still asleep. Her eyes were shut, her mouth smiling slightly. Didn’t she know? Couldn’t she feel the loss of her mother?
He couldn’t believe it at first. He couldn’t talk to anyone. They sent him back to your room to collect your things.
Those pink lilies. He should have gotten something tangible. Something he could selfishly take with him to remind himself of you. These flowers would die. You only got to see them for a few minutes. It was stupid. He’d leave them there.
Your phone. Your phone. The one they called him from to give him the news. It wasn’t even cracked. It still had your smudged fingerprints on it from constant use. How could that accident have broken you completely and leave the phone unscathed!?
He didn’t realize he had thrown it until it clattered on the ground. He was still holding his child in one hand. He needed to be more careful. He had so much rage though...
He needed to be careful.
He bent down and picked up the phone.
It was still spotless. No cracks, not even from being thrown against the cinderblock wall.
He fell, leaning against said wall, holding his daughter in his arms. It was stupid. It was unfair. He was the richest man in the country and he couldn’t save you. What was the point of money if it didn’t do what he needed it to do?
He cried.
She opened her eyes. She still wasn’t crying. She still was as innocent as she had been yesterday, before the accident. As though she knew nothing new. As though nothing had changed. But so much had.
To her, only one thing had. She knew a new word.
“Da-da?”
If anyone wanted the grand total, I cried 18 times while writing this. Tell me if you cried or if I am just dramatic
On a more personal level, the first memory I have is buying pink lilies for my mom the day she died. No memories of her, only of those pink lilies. My sister bought a bear and got to take it home. Every day I think of how I have no momentos of her, just the image of those stupid pink lilies I’m cryin in da club
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Found you - part 1
- Tenko! - a young, white haired boy run towards him from the swings.
- Touya-chan! How could you come? - he asked with confused tone in his voice.
He remembered his friend told him yesterday he wouldn't make it to come even today to the playground.
- Ah, it was easy. I convinced my mum to go and visit her parents together and after we came back I just asked her to take me out here. So I am here! - the young Todoroki smiled.
- Oh, I'm happy then. - the black haired boy said somehow delightfully, but his little cute face immediately turned back to the gloominess it was before - but wat if your dad finds out?
- Dont worry Tenko, after he learned that you are a Shimura, he doesn't really mind when I hang out with you. Sure, I still have to train but he allows me to have a friend, moreover a friend from a hero dynasty. Common bullshit of his, ya'know.
- Yes, I see, but I'm still worried about you! Your scars on your arms .. I .. let me see.. let me try to heal it!
- No need - Touya opposed - I don't have big scars today, I didn't receive any serious injuries. I don't want you to harm yourself just because of these small scratches.
- I don't care.. - the little boy said with a serious gaze in his ruby eyes - besides my mum or Hana-chan, you are the only one for I would use it.. You are the person I like the most, and why should I have this quirk, if not for helping my loved ones?
Now give me your hand...
.
.
They boys were at the Todoroki's house, playing inside of Touya's room. But they still could hear the shouting of Endeavour and Rei from the another room.
"Enji, he is just seven! How can you do this to him?
"He is already seven! He is my eldest son, and I want him to become the no 1, no matter what. He will surpass All Might! I won't let my dream down!"
From the room where the boys were in, a quiet sobbing was heard after the argument.
- Tenko chan.. I .. I don't even know if I want to be a hero anymore! - the white haired boy cried silently
- It's okay.. I will always be here for you and support you, no matter what.
.
.
- Mum, why Tenko's mum is not answering to your calls?
"Breaking news! The no 1 hero Nana Shimura is dead!"
- Mum! It's... Tenko's grandma on the TV! What happened?
"The heroine kept her private life in secret, but unfortunately the tragedy happened there as well. His son's entire family was eliminated, the circumstances are still under an investigation, the suspect is unknown."
- Mum? Dad? - the white haired boy almost cried - Whats the report about? Why we can't reach Tenko? Is he safe?
His mum couldn't answer. All he got is his father's uncertain hug, with a sad gaze and his trying to calm him down.
- I'm sorry, son...
.
.
He was so young back then, but then he was able to feel some happiness. He had one fucking friend in this cursed life, yet he had to die.
He didn't remember to much from his childhood - he didn't want to - but the small black haired boy with those ruby eyes was his sweetest memory ever.
He is not the one he used to be. The white haired hero-to-be is now gone, the world thinks he is dead now. And maybe they know right .. Touya Todoroki is truly dead.
Dabi is the one who lives. Dabi, the villain, the bad guy, who kills people just for fun, and kills heroes to calm his broken soul a little bit.
What would Tenko think if he could see me now?"
But there is no Tenko anymore.
There is no one who would heal his injuries, who would make him smile, who would care for him.. there is no one in this world for him. He is alone.
The only thing what makes him happy is to kill those fucking heroes.
Those scumbags who never helped anyone for real, they weren't there for him when his father almost killed him, neither for Tenko when he... passed away. Somehow.
It has been so many years yet no one knows how this case happened. The investigators claimed it had something to do with All for One and Nana's war, and via that, they didnt really look into it.
Dabi wanted two things in his life.
Firstly , he wanted to kill the person who made him and his whole family suffer - his scumbag of a father.
Secondly, he wanted to find out the truth about Tenko's death.
And that's why he is exactly there where he is right now.
He joined the League of Villains.
He heard from some underground fellas that there is a guy named Giran who can find literally anything. Well, the information is the most expensive trading stuff of his, so Dabi knew he has to make some money first.
And what's a better option than making money from killing heroes? And besides that, if he ""sells" himself to Giran first, and the League would be pleased with him as a villain, than the man would owe him.. perfect plan.
Well, it somehow worked. He was in, the LoV took him and even they gave him the opportunity to make them proud.
Even the boss seemed to acknowledge his powers and determination.
Well, the boss.. he was really something. Dabi - nor the others - couldn't see his face,he had always covered it with a human hand. It was kinda creepy but the whole guy was, as well.
He learned that his quirk, the decay is extremely dangerous and that he didn't think a lot about killing. If someone pisses him off, he is willing to turn them to dust within a sec. He has to be cautious, Dabi noted himself.
*
Shigaraki didn't seem to care too much about his subordinates but in fact, he did. He couldn't even explain it for himself, he just didn't want them to die - maybe.
He didn't exactly know how to "care". He didn't interact with people too much before establishing the LoV. He had Sensei and Kurogiri, and sometimes he was in touch with Giran if he needed something from the black market.
But then Sensei wanted him to get some people, who are his "own". So that way, it was not necessary to ask Giran for some ragtag mobs if he wanted to make a bigger action.
Now, he had some really hardcore fellas, with real power and willingness. He was satisfied.
He was the leader. They listened to him, they obeyed him. That was the most important thing.
But ... since they lived together, he saw the connections between the members. How they get on with each other in their free time. How they talked, played, had fun, etc.
And for Tomura, it was all strange indeed. He has never done it - at least, not after Sensei found him.
Before -
"Hm, that's not relevant anymore, what happened before..."
*
Dabi was in a good mood recently. No one from the League knew the reason, but the scarred man teased them less than usual. He was even nice with them sometimes.
They were all in the bar, even Shigaraki sat there and drank some spirit when Toga just asked Dabi randomly about his sudden emotional changes.
- Well, if you really wanna know - the burnt man started to speak theatrically - I will finally receive the thing I always wanted to!
- And what's that thing? - Magne asked excitedly- you ordered some goth stuff from Wish?
- Lol nope, that's ..wait, why do you assume I have my stuff from Wish? I definitely don't! But that's not the matter! After the last mission I finally had the cash to buy something from Giran. And he promised me the stuff for todaay!
- What the hell did you buy from that crock? Do you need some guns or what? - finally Shigaraki spoke up too.
He wasn't fond of the fact that he has now some company but he was aware he needed to socialise.
He quite liked the League and that's why he didn't want them to think that he is some creepy loner - well, he is.
- What for? I have my own firepower, it's not the thing. I bought some information...
That was all he shared with the League. At least, for now. He have to see Girans files at first and maybe after he will reveal the truth about himself - and Tenko in front of the League.
When he almost died, and that way he became Dabi, he promised himself he won't share his past with anyone, but since he lived with the League, he wasn't that determined anymore. He felt like there is a bond between them, and if they could help him find Tenko.. it would be worthy.
Even if he - somewhere deep down - realised it is nearly impossible to find his soulmate being alive, the hope never left him.
Neither when Giran gave him the files - with a sorrowful storyline, about AFO's and Nana's fights, about how Nana tried to hide Kotaro's existence, and then after a time skip, there was Kotaro's own family. Birth dates, basics infos, some pictures and the date of their deaths.
So that was it. No trace of life, no chance of survival. The destruction may caused by Afo.
Who is currently in the jail, so Dabi can't even speak to him.
He knew he has to give up on his hopes. There is the fucking evidence his soulmate really died back then.
Dabi just put the files on his drawer, not really paying any attention to hide it. He will do it later - now, he just doesn't want to think about it.
That's why he volunteered for the Leagues next mission.
It was a dangerous one, he needed to a sneak in the Hero commission's building and steal their newest "top-secret" plans.
It was actually spying, and they needed to do it with the minimum amount of men.
Kurogiri would teleport him in and out when it's time, but it is still risky.
Mostly - for a spying- there was Toga or Twice because of their quirks were suitable enough, but now it was required a real fight as well. So the final version was him and Twice. Twice would copy the looks of a random official, and Dabi will hide and somehow steal the secret files.
.
Shigaraki was really good at making plans. He always calculated a lot of possibilities in, and nearly all the stuff what could happen.
He was aware the mission is not a child's play but a serious one.
He looked over it many times already before presenting it to the others, but the overthinking and insecurity were his habits and can't let him stay calm.
At the evening, he decided to talk with Dabi about it. He wanted to be sure that the flame villain is okay with the whole thing, he knows the details and stuff.
He headed to his subordinate's room. The door was halfway open so the young boss don't really mind to knock on it.
There was a semidarkness in the room, but Dabi was nowhere to seen. Shigaraki came from the bar, the burnt villain was not there either.
Tomura thought he may use the bathroom or whatever, so he decided to wait him in his room.
He was about to sit on his bed, when he accidentally noticed a file on his drawer.
On the top of the file, there was a picture. That particular picture, of his dad and Nana Shimura.
Tomura stood there for minutes like an ice statue. He couldn't imagine how the picture could remain - and mostly how it got into Dabi's room.
At the meantime Dabi finished his stuff in the bathroom or wherever he was, so he came back to his room, only to see his boss holding a picture from his file and staring on that somehow inscrutably.
If it wasn't for Tomura, Dabi would be pissed off, cuz he doesn't like at all when others just come in his room and start to rummage his stuff, but since the blue haired man was his boss, he tried to keep it cool.
- Hi boss, how can I help you?
Tomura turned up when he heard Dabi's voice. He still held the picture, and judging by the mess on the drawer he also took a look into the files.
He was so confused right now he had no clue what to say. His thoughts were so loud and they didn't subside. He wanted to ask Dabi why the hell he has this goddamn file with the picture, how did he get it, and mostly.. could is be possible that he knows his secret?
"No way" - Tomura thought - "he would hide this somewhere and he wouldn't act so normally with him" But he was certain he needs to figure it out.
However his thoughts were still so messy he couldn't ask the proper questions he wanted to - without being suspicious.
He somewhat calmed down when he read those files - and they all stated he.. not he, Tenko - is dead, all the family is dead. No sign of survival.
So Dabi - or the one who gave him this - cannot know about him.
- How did you get those? - he finally managed to ask. His eyes were more deadly than he wanted tho.
Dabi suddenly felt himself quite uncomfortable. What should he say? If his boss would be curious, how should he explain why he wanted these datas? And why is his boss'es suddenly so resentful?
- This is the stuff I bought from Giran - he started to explain - I needed it for.. personal stuff.
Tomuras eyes widened - what kind of personal stuff of his can he related to his family? He noticed how Dabi's mood changed before he met with Giran - he was almost happy and really excited. But after the meeting he got gloomier than usual. Even now - when he spoke up, his voice was somehow sad.
Tomura decided to not deal with this right now, they all need to focus for the next day's mission.
- Anyways - the bluenette said - I just wanted to say not to fuck it up tomorrow. That's all for now. And I will keep this picture. Good night!
And with that, Shigaraki quickly left his subordinates room.
Now Dabi was the more confused one. He just couldn't understand what exactly his boss wanted to do, and why he got so distracted by that fucking picture. And mostly, why did he keep it?
Not if Dabi would need it, there wasn't Tenko on the picture just his dad as a kid with Nana Shimura.
"Maybe Shigaraki recognised the heroine and that's why he was asking? Probably" - Dabi thought. He knew about All for One and the Shimuras were enemies, so maybe that's why Shigaraki acted so strange.
.
(Part two right here on my page, just couldn’t write here the whole stuff cuz it’s long)
#bnha#tomura shigaraki#bnha fanfiction#Dabi#dabi is touya#shigaraki x dabi#shigadabi#tenko shimura#touya todoroki#league of villains#my hero academia#nana shimura#shigadabi fluff
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Warning: This is VERY LONG. i got carried away.
"hey don't you have a wip fic for another au?" yeah shush i have a new idea that's not as fleshed out (after writing that turned out to be a lie) as the chunibyo one but i had to share it.
its in every fandom, but Saiki K Pokemon Au time. it's always cliche but who cares its amazing.
Kaido is the mc. for sure. he chooses a froakie because the professor (its kusuke, he's totally it) said it was a dark and mysterious as him. at first he's disappointed by the frog but once it evolves he starts loving it. him and greninja wear matching outfits. he tied red wrist wraps on its arms and he wears a pink scarf.
nendo is his rival lmao. he met him when kaido left with his first pokemon and challenged him to a battle, immediatly. he said loser has to buy the other persons ramen. "but i dont even know you??" "oh. well lets be friends, runt!" "you just asked to fight me???" nendo uses an eevee because his mom gave it to him when he was young. kaido wins because nendo didnt use a single attacking move. he just used sand attack and growl. the battle lasted 10 minutes because kaido kept missing.
now with his newly self proclaimed rival, after going to eat ramen, kaido sets out on his journey. i like to imagine a region with just every pokemon cause its cool that way. kaido mainly looks for fighting type pokemon, and a few dark types, and it takes him a bit to realize that this is probably a bad strategy and that he isnt finding anything, as cool as they are. he catches a shroomish, not knowing it became a type he wanted, because he was impressed with it's "battle capabilities" because it survived an attack that had fainted others. he names it doomslayer cause he's such an edgelord.
somewhere along the way nendo finds him and says that he's going to challenge a gym, and that kaido should join him. kaido agrees because "oh yeah, thats why im on this journey" and they go to the first gym.
The first gym is ghost type, run by toritsuka. why is he first? cause he's prolly not very good at battling and he knows it. the gym itself would be very foggy, and kaido has to traverse it to get to toritsuka. along the way toritsuka has spirits tell him where kaido is, and he'll release a pokemon near there for him to battle, and this happens 2 times. Torisuka himself uses 2 pokemon, a Litwick and a Galarian Yanmask. both are female, obviously. kaido absolutely demolishes these two pokemon, with his water and grass type, seeing as they're part fire and ground. first badge complete.
surpsingly, nendo also beats this gym, mainly because eevee can use bite. guess he figured out how to use attacking moves lmao. also yes ik bite is learned at 25, and rn they're at like lv 12 but shh. he found a tm or smt. it also helps thst toritsuka could barely hit nendos eevee due to the ghost and normal type thing.
nendo tries to travel with kaido, but kaido usually manages to worm his way away from him. he usually gets away whenever nendo challenges someone else and they have to tell him that he can't catch someone else's pokemon.
second gym is chiyo's gym. she uses grass types, and her gym is covered in flowers, trees, and it looks like a forest. the puzzle itself is rather simple. the floor is covered in large flowers, and you have to step on the correct ones or get sent back to the start. i like to imagine a giant vine yeeting kaido. chiyo also forgot to write clues over which ones are correct and ends up helping kaido, and winds being endeared by his determination. chiyo uses a Fomantis and a Petilil, because she thinks they're cute. kaido actually struggles quite a bit because he brings a water type and a grsss type. he wins in the end though, because chiyo ends up lovestruck and forgets to attack. she daydreams about inviting him to run the gym with her because he's so talented in her eyes, but he leaves before she can ask, grass badge in hand.
after chiyo's gym, kaido's froakie evolves into Frogadier, and he cries. in-between gyms again, kaido catches a rockruff because it was cute and it whined when he tried to walk away after battle. again, kaido catching types he likes without even knowing, provided his rockruff evolves at nightime. he names it Decimator. at this point i place kaido's levels at 19-21 ish, and close to rockruff and shroomish evolving.
next gym is hairo's and surprise surprise, it's a fire type gym. his gym his very, very intense. he has actual jets of fire lining his gym. there's no puzzle because he believes in just battling for victory or whatever, kaido didn't catch it behind the roar of the fire jets. kaido just walks along a pathway and gets challenged to battle by 3 randoms. i like to imagine one of them is nendo, and its never discussed. he has a fire type and everything, and its just not brought up. he's back to his single eevee after this too. kaido also wins with relative ease, considering he has a water type and rock type, although he makes the mistake of sending shroomish out at some point, but makes a clutch switch after it survives a flamethrower. fire badge obtained.
right after this, his shroomish evolves into breloom and he cries again. he gets very happy when his pokemon evolve. and also, after a few random encounters, his rockruff also evolves. its day form because kaido is a clueless baby. he still loves it all the same. at some point nendo challenges kaido with a single pokemon again, but this time it's a leafeon. kaido asks how he knew to evolve it, and he just says he battled next to some funny looking rock and it changed. of course. it actually manages to oko Frogadier because kaido wasnt expecting anything other than an eevee, but his breloom deals with it easily, because nendo kept using not very effective grass moves because it worked once. how does he have 3 badges again? nobody knows. level 25-27 now.
next gym is saiko's, and he uses normal types because all the other types were "too needy for someone like him." he's got 2 Persians and a Toucannon. he tried to use 3 persians but he was told that he needed something else just in case someone brought a fighting type by his dad. so he grabbed the first wild bird he found and evolved it. saiko doesnt have a puzzle, and instead just has an elevator that you can pay 5000 Pokedollars to use, otherwise you have to take the stairs like a pleb. Kaido takes the stairs because he's keeping his money dammit. its only 3 stories until saiko's floor, so it's really not much. Kaido sweeps easily with breloom until toucannon comes out. breloom gets slaughtered by a flying type move, and he sends out lycanroc to finish it. normal badge complete.
when he next sees nendo, he has a meowth with his leafeon. kaido asks where he got it, and nendo says he found it near the rich looking gym. kaido concludes that nendo accidently stole a pokemon and they go to return it. saiko says that the plebs can have it as a reward for defeating him, and dismisses them. levels 30-33.
5th gym! mera runs this one, and there isn't a type. she has an Alcremie, Appletun, Cherubi, and a Vannilish. what can i say, girl loves her food. kaido is genuinely concerned that she is gonna eat her pokemon though. the challenge is cooking. kaido has to cook curry, and if its bad, he fights a trainer, up to 3 times. if its good he gives it to mera and moves on the next curry. the actual battle goes okay, but its fairly difficult due to not having a single type, and being unpredictable. obviously he wins in the end, and the badge is a bowl of curry.
frogadier evolves into greninja finally, and they have the matching outfits going on. nendo laughs at it. somewhere nendo also got an applin. kaido is fairly sure he took this one from mera as well, but he decides to let it go, and tell nendo how he can evolve it. he doesn't think nendo understood, but he tried. kaido also realizes he only has 3 pokemon, and decides to find two more. he finds a braixen, which he evolves into delphox. her name is Lucifer's Eternal Flames. Lucy for short. he also catches a noibat. the noibat was caught because he got lost in a cave, and the noibat was leading him out, so he decided he couldn't just leave it there. he names it the Jet Bat Wings. yes im doing that and yes its hilarious. levels 37-39.
gym 6. fighting type, and its kuboyasu. he tried to leave behind his violent days behind him, and become a poison type gym, but eventually gave in and did fighting instead. after he had already dyed his hair purple for the colorscheme. he kept the fighting gym purple because he already commited dammit. 4 pokemon, and hes got Toxicroak (yes ik the irony), Lucario, Grapploct, and Pangoro. greninja faints quickly, and so does lycanroc, but after some paralysis tricks with breloom and delphox sweeping the rest, pangoro comes in and ko's delphox. noibat pulls through in the end, with flying type moves. fighting badge earned.
next battle with nendo, and it turns out he actually evolved applin, and now he's got a flapple. kaido is midly impressed. kaido catches his 6th and final pokemon, an absol. he was overjoyed when he finally got another dark type. he names it Fluffy. yes, the dark type doesnt get an edgy name. levels 44-46, there was a longer gap in between the 6th and 7th gyms. oh also, you may be wondering about an evil team in this au. and my answer is....¯\_(ツ)_/¯
gym 7. Fairy type. Teruhashi. you knew she'd be coming eventually. and yes i saved the characters people prolly wanna know about until last haha. and because i think they fit the more difficult gyms. girl's got 5 pokemon, Mimikyu (i think it fits her fake perfect girl personality), Slyveon, Gardevoir, Florges, and Magearna. how does she have a legendary? prolly cause she's perfect and just asked for it, and someone actually found one. No puzzle here, but having to find his way through the mobs of teruhashi fans is prolly hard enough. Kaido actually has to try this gym several times due to him lacking anything good againist fairies. he gets it eventually though, and teruhashi has to reassure her fans that it's okay that she lost before they murder kaido. fairy badge down.
at this point kaido has no clue how nendo keeps getting gym badges. he has 3 pokemon, and one isn't even evolved. especially considering how easily Kaido himself can beat him. kaido I shrug it off as the plothole it usually is in pokemon games. levels 47-50. Noibat evolves into Noivern, and kaido has himself a pretty strong team. Greninja, Delphox, Absol, Lycanroc, Noivern, Breloom. although he has just been choosing based on personal preference, it turnes out nicely. and yes I'm padding this out cause y'all know what gym is next.
Gym number 8. The psychic type gym, run by Saiki and Aiura. It doesn't get more cliche than this. The challenge in this one is a maze. There's no extra trainers here, instead Kaido fights Aiura everytime he encounters her. She only uses 1 Pokemon in these battles because they happen a lot. Kaido wonders how she keeps finding him, let alone getting through the maze so easily when there's walls everywhere. He brushes it off as her just knowing the layout. battle itself happens, and it's a double battle. they each have 3 pokemon. Saiki has a ditto, espeon, and an alolan raichu (because he thought it was cute) Aiura mainly runs the support side of the team, and she's got a female meowstic, alakazam, and reuniclus, and wishes she had a cuter team, but she makes it work. This is prolly Kaido's second hardest gym. not harder than teruhashi's because he had no advantages, unlike this one where he's got several dark types. the battle is hard because they know exactly what kaido is gonna do. the minute he sends out his breloom to get a cheap paralysis, out comes ditto. the breloom ditto nearly wipes out both dark types, but noivern takes care of it, only to meet a sad demise at the hands of raichu, despite the dragon advantage. he's able to win on his second try, after he refused to send out breloom due to the fact that they just seem to know his next move. it creeped him out. Psychic badge done.
nendo tries to take saiki out for ramen with him and kaido after his gym fight, declaring him his best buddy, and it's not explained why nendo decided this. nendo eventually wins the argument and they get ramen. kaido notices saiki looks disturbed everytime he looks at nendo, but brushes it off as "yeah he disturbs me too." they part ways and onto victory road because im still mourning how there wasn't one in sword and shield. after victory road, kaido is nearing level 60 on everyone.
elite four? eheh i don't know who'd make it up. prolly 4 previous gym leaders with fully evolved teams and more pokemon. not tlo worries about them tho.
Kaido bests the elite four, and marches on to the champion.
Champion Akechi. Full team of 6 Pokemon, and he's a formidable opponent. He's able to easily predict what moves are going to be used next, and always has type advantage. Although, unlike before, while difficult to do, it is possible to do something unpredictable to trip him up, which is the only way Kaido is able to win. His team consists of Serperior, Glaceon, Gyrados, Ninetales, Togekiss (it's just there to be annoying, it can barely attack, and akechi did this to be a nuisance so he can't be clean sweeped), and Mew. Again, I love unexplained lengendaries on teams okay. To Kaido, it seems like with enough switching, he could easily defeat Akechi, but Akechi is very good at predicting. So againist Akechi, it's like the team as been catered specifically to beat Kaido. But, knowing him, it likely was. It takes him ages to beat Akechi. Like literal ages. The only saving grace is Akechi can get tripped up if Kaido is unpredictable enough. It's likely a mixture of that and para hscks that lets him win, and Kaido is champion. Nendo did try to challenge him (somehow beating the elite four) but was beaten. I love how the rivals always beat everything but then get horribly beaten by you.
Holy shit this is longer than i thought it would be. I have been writing this for literal hours. Hope you enjoyed. This is what my brain had inspiration for today apparently, instesd of the fic im working on.
Hadn't seen too much Pokemon stuff for saiki k yet, so tada. and yes, i came up with most of this while writing. the only idea i had before i started writing was the saiki and aiura gym
#saiki k#saiki kusuo no psi nan#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#kaidou shun#nendo riki#teruhashi kokomi#chiyo yumehara#akechi touma#saiko metori#kuboyasu aren#hairo kineshi#toritsuka reita#aiura mikoto#mera chisato#pokemon#pokemon au#saiki kusuke
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I spend all this time by myself
and i use it to think about everything.
Before Covid-19 i was fed up with my clients for getting me sick all the time and kind of sick of the rut I was in and starting to think about what else I might like to do. The truth is I wanted to workout. Like all the time. I was considering the possibility of maybe becoming an instructor even though I know its not a money-maker because it was the thing i was most interested in spending my time doing.
But then came the lockdown and I packed in my business and got a job stocking grocery store shelves. Which I liked. Its just that perfect combo of physical and fussy work that I liked so much and I could listen to podcasts and no one had reason to take issue with what I was or wasn’t doing. I just couldn’t sleep during the day. I couldn’t do it.
So i got a work-from-home job and now i dont go anywhere or do anything with anyone and I’m home all day by myself.
I get better at it being home all the time by myself the more I do it which is both good, because thats the best way to be right now, and bad because I find myself less and less interested in connecting with other people.
Not out of fear of coronavirus or anything like that, but once I quit facebook I realized that mostly wasnt any real connection with anyone on there. Just chatter and wasted emotion over things that don’t matter at all if you don’t log in.
I decided it’d be better to try to reach out to people individually. At least one every day. To stay connected. to be connected. to really be connected.
but then maybe one day i didnt feel like it and ive kind of mostly stopped doing that too.
I was video chatting with people when we were all staying home but everyone’s just stopped doing it. Everyone just started pretending Covid-19 wasn’t a thing anymore and going back out and doing everything they normally would but just carrying a mask around with them. I guess that’s sort of tempting but then not really either. I mean the things i used to do that im not doing now are standing in small sweaty rooms with people breathing on each other. Whether thats workouts or bars, its exactly the activities to avoid and I never did much else. So I stay home now by myself.
I don’t get a lot of invites to hang out w people, although i could do the inviting and people would come over but it makes me think thoughts about how all my adult life I’ve been the kind of person who goes out and knows everyone everywhere she goes. And then I go home. By myself. On purpose.
I’ve always lived alone on purpose. And i go out when i want to socialize with other people. But my home is my oasis of personal peace where everything is mine and its just the way I like it and I can relax and no one else is invited.
So its comfortable here. I have my cats and my TV and a big bag of coffee and my alexa and its fine. I’m fine here.
I do a lot of thinking. About why im like this and why its not normal and who cares if it is or not and how I never intended to be all alone for lengths of time like this when I set up my life this way, and how its kind of OK even though I kind of wish I had a partner to do stuff with and be close to since I don’t.
But not because i feel like I need one.
Because I feel like it’d be nice to have one sometimes.
I always had people around me whenever i wanted people around me. I was never a person who was lacking for companionship.
So here I am, lacking for companionship, and i feel OK mostly about it. Strangely enough. But i feel like im not supposed to be OK, which makes me feel even weirder about getting better at this as I go.
Here I am at i think its the 5 1/2 month mark now, isn’t it?
and its fine. Still.
I don’t love my job but I love that i got it. I mean I made a huge pivot as fast as I could when I saw this pandemic thing for what it was. what it is. and in fact, my first one didnt work out so i made a second one and now im in a great position to survive.
Even if everyone else kind of said fuck it, who cares how many people die, im not staying in anymore... Here I am ready to ride it all out, probably for as long as it takes in a good position financially and personally. Go me. I am proud of myself for figuring out what to do.
But at the same time, as i settle into my new work-from-home schedule, i find myself less and less interested in socializing at all with anyone and more and more okay with staying home by myself.
I dream about X boyfriends because i dont have any current ones to dream about and I don’t have anything interesting to talk about with people because nothings happened to me. Maybe thats why I don’t want to socialize anymore. They don’t have anything to talk about either.
The zoom chats got super-boring after the first few weeks because no one was doing anything and we all just ran out of stuff to talk about.
So I stay home by myself and i think about things. Everything. Every single thing i’ve ever done in my whole life. I think about all of it in some detail. Look at it from some new vantage point. Why im like i am, the things that have happened to me to shape me into this person, the things I’ve done and the way I’ve handled them and what i didn’t know i could have or should have done at the time instead of what I actually did. How things might have turned out differently for better or for worse if this had happened or that had happened or if i’d known what i know now or if that one thing hadn’t happened or if that other thing had happened.
And how mostly it would all just have all always played out again the same way due to the circumstances of the moment even if I had it to do over. And how that’s fine. Because thats how I got to where I’m at right now. And im fine.
Even if I am alone in a pandemic that doesnt seem to be ending anytime soon.
I guess i can just go back out again whenever I feel ready to do that like everyone else seems to have already done.
Or maybe I never will.
I wanted a change. I was already starting to spend a lot less time going out and knowing everybody. Thanks to the divisive politics of a certain president, I’d come to see a lot of ‘friends’ of mine in a different light and distanced myself from a good amount of people in the last few years, but that’s only part of what was going on with me.
For whatever reason, the last few years, my love-life has been a string of the guys I’m really into not liking me back or not taking me seriously as a real partner, while the very few guys who seem to show any real interest in me are the ones I don’t like back.
So I was down a lot of friends and there were no boyfriends and going out was depressing unless there was a band i liked playing. Because I’m at this age now where im like 20+ years too old for the guys in this college town, so there’s no one to meet and if the band playing isn’t any good then it was just a waste of time and money to go out.
Staying home is fine for me, but I do wonder if this is it for me. This is the rest of my life. I’m a spinster with cats and that’s it. I never had kids cause i never wanted any. I’ve always been fine with that. But when theres nothing to do and nowhere to go and I’m alone all the time, maybe having had kids wouldn’t have been so bad if they would be people i could be doing stuff with.
But do I even want to do stuff? I don’t even know. I mean i could do stuff but I dont want to. I could invite people over to hang out in my backyard, but I dont think i want to. In another month it’ll be cold for hanging out outside.
Will I want to do stuff then?? or will the numbers go back up once people are all indoors breathing on each other all the time again?
Will I be happy I have this job i dont like in my house? I get to stay here and be safe and do whatever i want to do whenever i want to do it by myself all the time. Till its over. or till im done. whichever comes first. or whichever comes last.
What will things look like when its over? What will I be like when it’s over? Will it even ever be over? I know no one knows. But this is what I think about. It’s all I do. Think about all of this. Think about everything I’ve ever done and everything I ever will do and everyone I ever did anything with.
And how I’m fine.
and whether or not I should be fine.
and if being fine in and of itself while I’m alone for months during a global pandemic is all really just some issues I have because of being raised poorly.
Or maybe I’m just fine and doing well.
and maybe I’m just thinking about everything because I’m not on facebook. And maybe everyone is on facebook because they don’t want to be thinking about everything.
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Lost and Found - Part 1
Lmao I lied, I’m posting it tonight cause I’m too excited.
Arthur x Reader x Javier somewhat, but mainly Javier x Reader
Warnings; END GAME SPOILERS, some angst, some fluff, eventual smut (but not in this part)
You rode up beside Sadie as Arthur helped Abigail up onto Sadie's horse.
"Now I don't want no tears. Sadie, take Abigail up to Jack. I gotta go have a chat with Dutch." He said, sadness in his voice.
"You're a good man, Arthur." Sadie responded as she gave him a small smile. They rode off down the path, leaving just you and Arthur.
Your chest tightened realizing the severity of the situation. "Please Arthur."
"Don't. Please don't make this harder than it already is." He placed a hand on your thigh.
A sob escaped your mouth as you jumped down off your horse and engulfed him in a hug. His hands wrapped behind your back and held you close. This felt unreal. This had to be some sick nightmare.
Looking into his eyes, all you saw was sadness and betrayal. You knew he was hurt. After all these years, Dutch had finally betrayed him and the rest of the gang.
You kissed him lightly and gently caressed his cheek. He leaned into your touch knowing this would be the last time you see each other.
"I'll always love you, Arthur Morgan. Don't you forget that." A tear slipped down your cheek. It wouldn't get easier.
"Damn it all. I wanted a life for us away from this hell, y'know? I wanted to give you so much because you deserve it. But here I am, dying. I love you, and I always will. Find someone who takes care of you, please. I can't have you with someone who don't treat you right. Now.. I gotta go, I'm sorry." He said as he gave you one final kiss.
He helped you back up onto your horse and held a gaze with you. He loved you more than anything else in this world. He had wanted so badly to get away from it all and be with you. To start a family. But that all came crumbling down the minut he got his diagnosis. He gave your hand a squeeze and brought it to his lips before walking off to his own horse. He gave you a small smile before turning around towards the camp.
As you rode away you couldn't help the overwhelming sadness that tore away at you. You promised him, no tears, but you were so hurt. It was unbearable. Tears streamed down your face as you rode up to meet with Sadie and Abigail. You knew that that was the last time you'd see Arthur and it killed you inside. This was the ending to the best thing that ever happened to you. Yet, you didn't realize what the future had in store for you.
~7 years later~
Alone. That's all you've been for the past 7 years. Here and there you'd tag along with some people, but eventually you'd stray away on your own. Everyone in the gang had went their separate ways, hiding from the law.
7 years since Arthur's passing, and yet you still thought about him from time to time. After 2 years you had let yourself move on. You knew it's what Arthur would've wanted. Your heart ached the first few times you had spent the night with someone, but they helped you to forget your hell of a life. It was an escape.
You made your way through the small town of Rhodes, not expecting much. Your supplies were running low and you needed a place to rest. The town seemed less lively than when you were here last, yet it was better than nothing. Making your way inside the general store you were met with a familiar face.
"Pearson?" You asked, excitement lingering in your voice. He was instantly recognizable and you couldn't help the joy that filled you upon seeing one of your old gang members.
"Y/n? Is that really you? Wow is it good to see you." He chuckled.
"So this is what you've made for yourself? This is good, real good." You smiled making your way to the counter to look at the supplies.
"Its nice not running from the law for a change." He said, returning a smile.
This was exactly what you needed right now. Knowing that someone from the gang was alive and doing well for themselves lifted your spirits.
"Has- has anyone else passed through?" You questioned as you finished buying your supplies.
"John, Abigail and Jack pass through from time to time. They live over by Blackwater now, doin real well for themselves. Heard Tilly's married and expecting a child and Mary-beths got herself a writing career. Actually... you just missed Javier.. he just passed through about an hour ago.. probably hasn't gotten far. Said he was headin over to Saint Denis. His guitars pretty spent so he'd like to get himself a new one." Pearson finished as he handed your stuff to you.
You couldn't help the smile that plastered your face. Knowing that so many of the gang had made it. Made a life for themselves, and survived. And Javier... you had to go see him.
"Thank you Pearson. It was so good to see you, and I will make sure I come to visit you again." You smiled as you hugged him over the counter.
"Was nice seeing you too Y/n." He chuckled, returning the hug.
You made your way out of the shop and mounted your horse. Hopefully you'd be able to catch up to him, you thought. Javier was your best friend back when the gang was together. Arthur had found it hard to not get jealous at times from how often you two were together. He understood over time that you and Javier were just friends, but he couldn't help the heat that would course through him every so often.
Excitement filled you and you anticipated telling Javier everything that had happened to to this point. You couldn't wait to hear what he'd been up to and what life had brought him.
Eventually you made your way into Saint Denis. It was much different than you remember, considering they now have a music store that definitely wasn't there seven years ago. The store wasn't hard to find and you could make out Boaz from a mile away. You smiled, happy that his horse was still very much alive and healthy.
You hitched your horse and slowly made your way inside. Music filled your ears as you entered the shop. It was huge and very lively. People wandered through the shop, glancing at the various instruments on the walls. It was hard to make your way around the crowd of people, but eventually you saw the slender man, his back to you as he stared up at a beautiful guitar. It looked just like his old one, only cleaner and a little more detailed.
You were surprised to feel your heart race as you walked up behind him and tapped his shoulder lightly.
"Hey, do you know where I can find my friend? He's tall and Mexican.."
He turned around, ready to tell the person to quit bothering him before he realized it was you.
"Dios mio.. y/n? You're alive.." he didnt give you a chance to respond before he engulfed you in a hug, nuzzling his face in your neck.
"Te extrañé" he whispered, continue to hold you in his embrace.
You hugged him back, overwhelmed with comfort and happiness.
"I've missed you to, Javi. I missed having someone to talk to." You laughed as you pulled away slightly to see his face.
He smiled at you, almost lovingly, "We have a lot of catching up to do, hermosa. But, first, I need to get myself a new guitar. My love has taken quite a beating over the years and she's not sounding the same."
You laughed at his way of speaking about his guitar. But you knew that he cared about that guitar more than anything.
He told the clerk about the guitar he had been eyeing up, wondering the cost of beautiful instrument.
"$1200, but the lowest I'll go is $1000." He spoke, firm on his price.
Javier scoffed, digging through his pockets for his cash. Realizing he only had about 300 on him, he sighed before telling the clerk it would have to wait for another time. He made his way towards the entrance, looking back at you, his look telling you to follow.
"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll meet you out there in just a minute." You smiled, giving his hand a squeeze. He nodded and returned your smile before making his way outside.
Making sure he was out of sight, you made your way to the clerk.
"I'd like that guitar that my friend was looking at. I'll give you 500 and this." You offered, taking a gold necklace out of your satchel. It was a necklace you had received a very long time ago from Dutch for your 18th birthday. You knew it was worth a lot, and it did have some emotional value to you, but after everything that had happened, you knew it was time for it to go.
The clerk thought for a minute before agreeing, handing you the guitar as he took the money and the necklace.
"Thank you very much sir."
You made your way outside, looking over to where Javier was. He was sitting on his horse, looking down at his hands.
"Hey, I thought you might like something." You gave him a wide smile as you handed the guitar to him.
"Y/n... you didnt have to." He said, almost at a lack of words to say.
"I wanted to. It's okay. Now let's get out of here, I'd like to hear some music." Smiling as you made your way to your horse.
It felt so unreal to be with Javier again. He was the comfort you needed in your life. You couldn't help the butterflies that took flight in your stomach as you glanced over to him. Confusion quickly took its place. You couldn't possibly have feelings for him, could you? You shook your head trying to rid yourself of the thoughts as you continued to ride next to him.
"I know it might bring up bad memories, but, I know a place we can stay for a while.."
You gave him a look, urging him to continue.
"Shady Belle... look, I know it's not perfect. But it's a spacious area, a roof over our heads, and no one has been around that area for a long time. Lemoyne Raiders have basically gone extinct and there aren't many gangs sticking around here." He said, hoping to convince you of the location.
You sighed knowing he was right. It would be nice to have a place of your own for a while, rather than wandering all the time. Nodding, you pushed on towards the abandoned house.
It was just like how you remembered it. Run down, humid, and wet. But, it was better than nothing. You hitched your horse alongside his and followed him into the house.
After you had cleared the rooms for any stragglers, you started setting up your things. Javier had insisted you take the master room upstairs that had previously been Dutchs headquarters. You had tried to go against him, but that was no use. He chose the bedroom next to it that was still fairly spacious. You set your bed roll up and laid down, trying to get comfy. Your eyes fluttered shut and before you knew it, you were fast asleep.
It felt so good to have somewhere fairly safe to stay, and to have Javier here with you. Little did you know that now that you were back with him, he would protect you with his life. He wanted the best for you, he wanted to be with you. He cursed himself for the thoughts and feelings he harbored, yet he couldn't help it. You had always been so close, even now it felt like nothing had changed. Seven years had gone by and you still smiled at him the same way you did before. He knew he had feelings for you back when you were with Arthur, but now that he knew you were alive, he wanted to embrace them. But, the thought of ruining what he has with you kept his thoughts at bay. Maybe one day you'd share his feelings he thought as he got comfortable on his bed roll, ready for bed, even though deep down, you already did. You just didn't know it yet.
~the next morning~
"Buenas dias cariña." He spoke lightly from outside your room as he knocked, hoping to awake you from your slumber.
"You should come get something to eat. I made food, and surprisingly I didn't burn it." He chuckled to himself.
You stretched before sitting up, trying to rub the sleep out of your eyes. The thought of him making food for you brought a smile to your face.
You walked over to the door and opened it, not expecting him to be right there. You ran straight into him, falling forward. He caught you and helped you stand up as you both started laughing.
"Clumsy this morning are we?" He chuckled.
You couldn't help the heat that rose to your cheeks. Never had you felt this way being so close to him. It felt right, but you wanted to brush those thoughts away.
You looked up to him before laughing lightly. His eyes spoke to you, but you couldn't tell what. There was a glimmer that you hadn't noticed before. Yes you had moved on, but could you bring yourself to be with the one that Arthur used to despise you being around? Yet, wouldn't he want you to be happy?
A million thoughts raced through your mind as you stood there in silence, a longing gaze being shared between you two. His hand lightly grazed over your check, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your cheek. It felt as if the butterflies could explode out of you at any minute.
"You look so beautiful." He whispered, moving closer to you.
Your breathing had picked up and your heart was racing faster than you ever thought it could. You were so close that you could feel his breath your face.
"Tell me to stop and I'll stop." He said before leaning to close the gap between you two. Part of you wanted to fight this, feeling it was wrong of you. But, this felt right too. Maybe this was what you needed all along.
His lips lightly grazed over yours, giving you time to back out. But, you didn't. You wanted this, you needed this. You leaned forward, finalizing your decision to do this. His lips were surprisingly soft, and they felt so good against yours. He let out a light moan, surprised at your actions.
He couldn't help how turned on he was. You were so beautiful to him and he had wanted this for long. Sparks flew between the two of you as the kiss continued, a fire burning inside you both.
He slowly pushed you backwards until you were up against the wall. You couldn't help the moan that escaped you as your back hit the wall. This only got him going more. A hand grazed over your hip as his other hand held your neck, kissing you deeper. His hand slowly moved to lift your shirt up.
You broke away, needing to catch your breathe and stop this before it got too far. You wanted this as much as he did, but you couldn't go there. Not yet at least.
"We can't," you spoke out of breath, "at least not yet."
As sexually frustrated and turned on as he was, he understood. He nodded, "Okay. I can wait."
"Now let's go eat, I'm starving!" You giggled, placing a light kiss on his lips and running to the stairs.
He laughed, chasing after you down to the kitchen. His hand captured yours and spun you around to face him.
He held your face as he kissed you, wanting to feel your lips against his again. He couldnt get enough of it. "You're sure you want this?" Looking to you for any sign of uncomfort.
"Yes, Javier. More than anything. But, I want to take it slow with you okay? We're not running from the law anymore. We can get jobs, make lives for ourselves. We don't have to rush things like we wouldve had to before." You spoke, running a hand through his hair as he held you close.
"That's okay with me. As long as I have you in my life, I'm happy." He smiled, raising your hand to his lips.
"Now, what did you make for us?" You laughed, taking a seat at the table.
"Your favorite.. pancakes!" He laughed with you as he served you both a plate.
Life had given you a fair share of beatings. Love and loss. But, for once, everything felt like it wasn't going to end badly. You knew Javier would give you all the love he could and you felt happy again. The hole that had been in your heart for so long was finally being filled.
#rdr2 spoilers#spoilers#red dead redemption 2 spoilers#javier escuella#javier escuella x reader#arthur morgan#arthur morgan x reader#arthur x reader x javier#lost and found series#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#filthyswriting
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Earning the Present(s) [3/4]
Who says presents have to be given on Christmas? (me, the very late, very sorry fic writer)-- another long one folks
Part 1 || Part 2
Summary: Five years after the events of the Ice Court, the six outcasts were in the prime of their lives. They had everything they had fought and bled for: money, power, promise, home. But this holiday season, a surprisingly altruistic event has them all under the same roof, and they all may have been a little older and a little wiser, but they were still those teenagers who had done the impossible and had almost died countless of times. And when the idea of a holiday gift exchange comes up the true test of their friendship and their growth is thrown into the rink.
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WYLAN
Wylan wasn’t sure how he could have possibly ended up here. Whether or not it was by Ghezen’s Hand or from Inej’s saints, but he was positive that it had to be some sort of cosmic intervention that had led him sitting in front of his fireplace, holding his husband’s hand, and surrounded by thieves and an ex-convict.
“That was quite the celebration, Wylan.” Inej said from her place by the window. “I think Kerch might do some good having an orphanage like that in its streets.”
“Thank you, Inej.” Wylan smiled at her. “Getting it past the Council was tough enough, but I’m just happy to give some of those kids a home.”
Jesper snorted beside him, “Yeah, now there actually might be space at The Slat.”
“How did you get those fat birds to donate to your cause anyhow?” Nina brought up. She was tucked firmly under Matthias’s arm and looked positively comfortable.
Wylan felt a slight blush at the measures he had taken to ensure the Council’s support of such an extravagant building to house the countless of orphans roaming the streets, and he tried his best not to look at Kaz as he said, “Let’s just say the right leverage was applied.”
“Oh saints,” Nina rolled her eyes then turned a lazy finger towards Kaz, “You need to stop corrupting his sweet mind.”
Kaz’s lips twitched, “Van Eck doesn’t need me to corrupt his brain. That’s why he keeps Fahey around.”
“Hey,” Jesper protested, “That’s Mr. Van Eck to you, Brekker.”
Wylan grinned and settled to drink his tea as the argument continued on. He wasn’t particularly proud of asking Ketterdam’s most notorious villain to help to threaten the Kerch Council to make this orphanage happen, but he didn’t regret it either. He would have paid for the construction of the building himself, but the land that he was eyeing for the site was owned by the city. When Wylan had brought up his request, one of his father’s oldest friends (who had held a grudge against Wylan ever since his father received his life sentence in jail) suggested that the land would be best used for other means.
And before he knew it, Wylan’s plans of the orphanage were starting to fall apart before they had even begun. It wasn’t just the orphanage that had been upsetting him. It was how easily the Council had looked over his request and how the idea of building an estate for the very act of charity was less worthy. Echoes of his father’s voice had resounded in his head, and this startlingly new conviction settled in his chest and one thing led to another and he had found himself sitting awkwardly in front of Kaz Brekker at The Slat stumbling through the situation.
“I’m willing to pay you half of the exported sugar I have coming in this month, if you can help get this off the ground.”
Kaz hadn’t moved throughout the entire exchange. He could have been a statue as Wylan talked and his dark eyes stayed steadily on him. Even when he had finished talking he remained still.
“Does Jesper know you’re here?”
“He does, and he highly discouraged me from coming. Something about getting into bed with a demon.” Wylan had explained.
“At least being married to you finally wised him up,” Kaz murmured before he looked past Wylan and got a familiar, distant expression on his face. “That sugar shipment, it’s coming from Zemini, isn’t it?” He had finally said.
Wylan didn’t bother asking how he knew that, “Yes.”
“The ship it’s on has one of the largest cargo holds in your fleet.” He said again. Wylan nodded. “Hmm...I’ll help if I can take that ship off of your hands for the rest of the year.”
“What are you going to do with it?” Wylan asked raising his eyebrow.
“I have certain business ventures across the sea, that require speed and space.”
“Right.”
“And just so we’re clear, Wylan. You’re asking me to convince certain members of the merchant council to approve your plans for this orphanage? Through any means necessary?”
“Yes.” Wylan cleared his throat, “It’s a good plan and this city could deal with at least some kindness. Even if it comes through the Bastard of the Barrel himself.”
Kaz’s sharp smile caught Wylan off guard.
“Then the deals the deal, merchling.” He held out his gloved hand and Wylan shook it firmly. “Wait a couple weeks and suggest the plan again. You’ll probably be able to start construction soon after that.”
And true to his word, Wylan went back to the council and no sooner had he finished did they approve the plans and even called it Ghezen’s work that an orphanage should be built to educate those who had nothing. Jesper had scoffed at the reasoning, but was just as excited as his husband when Wylan drew up blue prints, started to hire crew members, and then ultimately its grand opening.
Jesper had been by Wylan’s side through it all. He helped with some of the ground work, supervised when Wylan was away taking care of his mother, and calmed him when the ever-present self-doubt started to creep back in his mind. After the Ice Court job, it had seemed almost like a dream for someone like Jesper to stick around to Wylan, but there he was. Then his tall, Zemeni, thrill-addict boyfriend had really thrown him for an absolute loop when they had gone out to dinner on their backyard and he had gone down on one knee. It was all impossible, but then Wylan said yes and the impossible became possible. And with this orphanage now open, even that had become possible.
For that reason, he supposed it wasn’t that impossible to have all of the people that had survived the most dangerous heist ever to be conceived by anyone to be sitting around the fire ready to open presents.
“Okay,” Nina announced finally, “Me first. So as tradition dictates. Whoever picked first has to give the present first. If I remember correctly, Matthias picked a name. Okay, my dear Fjerdan, who’d you have?”
“Uh,” Matthias said hesitantly. He pulled out a long, rectangular box from behind him and kept his eyes on the present. “I-uh-I didn’t know what else to get you, um, Inej.” The girl in question raised her eyebrows in surprise and stood up from the window, “But, I hope you find it suitable.”
Inej walked over and opened the box slowly. Wylan watched as Inej smiled gratefully as she pulled out a beautiful double-edged knife with a white marble handle.
“It’s of Fjerdan make,” Matthias explained his face flushing, “The inscription is from-uh- Fjerdan saint and uh-”
���Thank you,” Inej interrupted and further surprised the bulky man with a hug.
Matthias smiled in relief and returned the gesture.
“Splendid, Jesper you’re next.” Nina said.
“Ah, finally,” Jesper grinned widely as he separated his hand from Wylan’s. He dug around in his pants pocket and produced two small boxes. Wylan recognized the smile that was lighting up his face and he felt his insides swirl at whatever his husband had decided to gift their friend.
“Now, dearest Nina, since you only deserve the best. I hope these will suffice.” He tossed both boxes at her and she caught them deftly, “Though, I think one of those might actually be for Helvar.”
Curious, Nina opened the first box and positively giggled as she held up a scrap of black lace lined with a blood red border. If Matthias’s face was red before, it was practically boiling now. Even Wylan felt a slight blush creep around his neck.
“Ah, Jes, you shouldn’t have.” She held out the undergarments out for everyone to see and slyly glanced at her Fjerdan, “Think of all the things we could do with this, sweet.”
Matthias looked away fast and everyone laughed at his reaction.
Still giggling Nina unwrapped Jesper’s second present and the smile that settled on her face was far more genuine and real than Wylan had ever seen on her. “Jesper Llewelyn, how did you get this?”
Nina held up a thin chain up from the box and revealed a beautiful sun charm. It glinted against the fire light warmly, and had a clear jewel in the middle.
Jesper shrugged, “I was in Little Ravka in the other day, and I happened to befriend a very talented Fabrikator. He insists it’s the purest form of gold out there.”
“Thank you,” Nina said.
“You’re welcome,” Jesper smiled back.
Wylan couldn’t help but reach back for his hand. It was so rare to see him this comfortable with anyone else or with any other group of people. He was never comfortable with any of the men that Wylan did business with and all of Jesper’s other friends lived far too close to the gambling halls. So to see him so happy made Wylan’s heart flutter in his chest.
The night went on and with each unwrapping came a surprised shock of actually receiving a perfect gift. Inej gave Jesper finely crafted holsters for his guns. Nina gave Wylan a Grisha made flute, that Jesper insisted he played for everyone. He obliged and marveled at the artistry of the instrument and the clear and pure notes that emanated from it. Then came for Kaz to give his gift and Wylan couldn’t deny the sudden shift of mood as they all waited for Kaz to come back from wherever he went to fetch his gift.
“Alright, Helvar,” Kaz reentered the room with a hefty box under his arm, “This was hell to try to get, but try not to kill it.”
He all but shoved the box at Matthias’s lap and went back to his seat by the fire. The other boy looked curiously at the plain box curiously.
Matthias’s furrowed brow quickly rose up as whatever in the box made a loud bark. Nina peered in and her mouth dropped in an almost comical O shape.
“How-what-I-” Matthias stammered as he lifted a gray and white pup out of the container.
Wylan gaped at the small creature that was now sniffing at Matthias curiously and even dared to nibble at the giant’s thumb. It let out a small whimper before Nina instinctively stroked it behind its ears.
“He is adorable! Look at him!” She squealed.
Kaz shrugged, “I did a favor for a Fjerdan a while back, and I had a pack delivered to me for security reasons. As it happens, I had a litter of these runts running around and I kept a couple before getting rid of the rest.”
“By ‘getting rid’ do you mean a quick trip down the canal?” Jesper said hesitantly.
“Ugh,” Nina shivered, not taking her eyes off the dog, “Please don’t answer that, Brekker, I don’t want to hear the truth or the potential lie.”
Kaz’s lip twitched, but he stayed silent.
Matthias’s bewildered blue gaze met Kaz for a moment before he stammered out a quick, “Thank you, demji.”
A bemused expression settled in Kaz’s eyes before he saluted him in acknowledgement.
The puppy was yawning and Wylan could have laughed at the sight of such a small thing nestled in Matthias’s large hand. And if Wylan was completely honest with himself, he could have laughed at the fact that Kaz had even thought of being so considerate. That he went out of his way to think of something Matthias would actually want-- that his gift was so small, fluffy, and....wholesome.
“What are you going to name him?” Wylan asked finally.
Matthais looked down at the animal and nuzzled his face with its snout, “I’m going to name him Trassel....after a good friend of mine.”
Nina peered into the blue and black eyes of the puppy, and cooed to it, “Hi, Trassel. Welcome to the family.”
The dog barked cheerfully at that and settled to rubbing his face against Matthias’s hand.
After a few moments all eyes turned towards Wylan who had yet to give his present.
“Ah, right,” He said, suddenly feeling nervous. He got up from his seat and went behind the curtain to retrieve the long rectangular box. His stomach fluttered with anxiety as he made his way back to the circle of his friends. It wasn’t so much the giving of the present, but knowing what the recipient might do with the gift gave him a slight pause. But as he neared Kaz, he shrugged away the discomfort.
“Here you go, Kaz, hopefully it’ll serve as a good backup.”
Kaz took the box hesitantly, and ripped open the box. Wylan held his breath as he delicately lifted a cane. The handle was shaped like a crow about to take flight, and its dark-wood finely engraved with jagged lines, and its tip tapered into a fine point.
“It’s-” Wylan started to explain in the midst of Kaz’s silence, “It’s Grisha made so it shouldn’t break when there’s a substantial amount of force applied. And- if you twist the handle-”
Before Wylan finished the thought, Kaz twisted the handle and the pointed end of the cane opened up and the neutral expression Kaz had kept on his face disappeared. He smiled as he examined the turned cane and the new opening of the cane.
“You made me a gun.” There was a slight hint of a laugh in his voice.
“Wylan, my dear,” Jesper said looking amused and concerned all at once, “Did you just give the most deadly man in the barrel a weapon that is not only as strong as his current cane, but also a gun?”
He shrugged and tried to fight the smugness working its way in his chest at Kaz’s reaction to his gift. He had his own reservations when he had come up with the plans as soon as he knew who he had gotten for this secret gift exchange. Wylan had debated about it for a full day before he had drawn up the plans and then set up a meeting with Ketterdam’s few Fabrikators. There were always going to be monsters in Ketterdam, those with longer and sharper teeth, and he supposed it wouldn’t hurt having one of those monsters as an ally and providing him with one more tooth.
“Well, Wylan,” Kaz’s grin was the widest he’s ever seen on him, “I will say, you never cease to surprise me.”
He twisted the handle restoring the cane to its proper form.
At this Wylan did smile at Kaz. That was the closest thing to a compliment he’s given him in recent years and even if he had stopped working with the Dregs, there was still a small part of Wylan that couldn’t forget about his past. That feeling of doing a job well done or even earning a place in Kaz’s crew.
And as the night continued on, with people playing with their presents in anyway they could, whether that be taking turns holding Trassel or making Wylan play or Nina offering to teach them some Ravkan games, Wylan couldn’t help but marvel at the warmth and radiating from the people around him. And when he noticed that Kaz had managed to slip away quietly, he decided that they needed this-- all of them.
The crew who broke into the Ice Court, brought down a member of the Merchant Council, conned multiple countries, and fabricated their own plague, needed a chance to feel like the world wasn’t always escaping the past or fighting for their future. That for once they could sit around a fire with warm drinks in their bellies and live in the present.
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Tags: @krugerevengeinej @orangesnakesanddogs @i-hate-usernames45 @qrow-ismyspiritanimal @fangirl-ladybug @wraithpirate @the-jennster @lagabygaby @rynli @noirmagic1 @shiyash @readmeaway @razz-dazzle-taz @queenofthebarrel @irepostthingsilike @irepostthingsilike @i-just-want-to-have-a-fun-time @smittenthing @highladyofthefoodcourt @emilily101 @sourbishop @nerd-in-a-galaxy-far-away @alexbeatthebass @writtenwordheart @icefire0722 @ladyofvroses @bbenwyatt @zxyjxy @burnin-through-the-sky @thewoofster @daniellepal @goodie-giving-gecko-gets-gatos @bree-the-sloth @universallyghostjudgecalzone @thecrownedcupcake17 @kayleed77 @kanejandkruge
#wylan van eck#jesper fahey#Kaz Brekker#inej ghafa#matthias helvar#six of crows#wesper#kanej#helnik#im going to pretend that its still the holiday season#part 4 should be up soon
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'There are bigger things to worry about – like saving my brother's life'
Well, not today. But he had to step up in late 2017 when his mother, Betty, phoned and said that Ash need a new kidney or he was going to die. "I'm going to give him mine," she said. Mum, with all due respect, yours probably isnt in the best condition, Ivan told her. He can have mine. Recalls Ivan: I felt quite good about the whole thing. I was helping him and I was helping myself at the same time. I got a rush out it: I can save my brothers life. You dont do that every day. The Panthers are using this match to raise awareness about organ donation. A whopping 70 per cent of Australians are willing to be an organ donor but only one in three have joined the Australian Organ Donor Register. DonateLife will have a marquee at Panthers Stadium on Friday night where fans can add their name to the register. People think they are on the register because you sign your drivers licence and thats not the case, Ivan said. A lot of people dont know that. I didnt know that even after I gave my brother a kidney. Youve got to do it online. When I hear about doing something online, Im like, Oh God. But I was shocked how easy it was. Loading Turning around his sides indifferent start to the season? Not so much. Its been a perfect storm in the lead-up to the first Tigers match since he got off the bus: a flogging at the hands of Melbourne; revelations that general manager of football Phil Gould shook hands with Wayne Bennett to coach this season as Panthers chairman Dave ONeill was doing the same with Cleary; and reports that Gould is on the outer at his own club. Im blown away how big this thing has been this week, Cleary says. Im happy where I am at but not happy about the way the team is playing. Weve started slowly but were an evolving side. If I knew getting touched up by Melbourne was such a crime I wouldve been locked up years ago. Its happened quite a few times. Im not the only one. When he signed with Penrith, did he forecast the finger of blame would be pointed directly at father and son when the side wasnt performing? Or head coach and halfback, he says. They will always feel the most pressure. Yeah, I definitely anticipated that sort of scrutiny but I didnt appreciate the level of it. Everyone is under pressure ... You soon realise you have to give yourself an uppercut because there are bigger things to worry about. Ivan Cleary And what about your relationship with Gould? I havent been reading it but you cant avoid it, he says. Hes fine. Were fine. I know Gus better than most people. Thats rare but I can say that, although theres plenty you dont know. Its all good. There is no drama here. Any truth to the suggestion you only came back on the condition that Gould didnt interfere with your football team? That was never brought up, Ivan says. Never part of any conversation. Gould and Ivan were locked in conversation on Monday morning, trying to find a way to beat the Tigers. Then Gould addressed the playing group. For more info go to: donatelife.gov.au. Gould to Sharks an outside bet at best Gould to the Sharks? Given the fact he lives in the Sutherland Shire, and the mindscrew that is Sydney traffic, it would certainly make the trip to work less painful.
In demand? Phil Gould was spotted with Dino Mezzatesta at the Star, where the Sharks chairman is a casino executive.Credit:NRL Photos The Panthers board has been aware of speculation that Gould had been approached by the Sharks but, for his part, Gould says hes had no such approach. The story cranked up on Wednesday when he was spotted at The Star having coffee with Sharks chairman Dino Mezzatesta. Gould was there having lunch with a mate. Mezzatesta is chief operating officer of the casino and joined them afterwards. It's impossible to see Gould being at any other club other than the Penrith or the Roosters, where he coached in the 1990s. Meanwhile, deregistered Sharks coach Shane Flanagan has denied hes doing some work on the side for the NSW Waratahs. That doesnt mean hes unwanted. Were told that a couple of struggling NRL clubs made discreet inquiries to head office about the possibility of Flanagan being allowed to coach next year if they sacked their coach. The NRL has little appetite for Flanagan to return so soon. Hughes' relief after Butterfield scare Apart from the man himself, nobody was more relieved that former Knights prop Tony Butterfield survived a heart attack at the weekend than his teammate Mark Hughes.
Harrowing: Knights old boys Tony Butterfield and Mark Hughes.Credit:Peter Stoop Butts, one of the great men of rugby league, suffered the heart attack in the sheds after playing for Hughes team in a celebrity Oztag match in Newcastle on Saturday. As he sipped a beer after the game, Butterfield said: I dont feel too great. He then vomited, started slurring his speech and then went into cardiac arrest. Rachel Paton, an intensive care nurse and the partner of former Knights player Daniel Abraham, was rushed into the room, took one look at Butterfield and launched herself at him, feverishly pumping his chest. While this was happening, Hughes was understandably beside himself. Since fighting off brain cancer, he has dedicated his life to raising awareness and funds for research through the Mark Hughes Foundation. Loading In doing so, hes called on all his former teammates to help, and given the unshakeable bond between them, not one has flinched. Butterfield initially didnt want to play in the charity match but did so at the urging of Hughes. Mate, it was harrowing, Hughes recalled. And I felt responsible because I convinced him to play. We were in the sheds having a beer after the game like we did when we played for the Knights and then It was just very, very tough to witness. Good to hear Butts is recovering in John Hunter Hospital and is in good spirits. The quote Hes great to watch but hes not God. Pope Francis on the universal worship of Barcelona FC star Lionel Messi. Well, of course hes not God. Former Dragons hooker Mark Riddell is. Thumbs up If you get the chance, get on the interweb and watch the moment Sharks coach John Morris told Bronson Xerri he will be making his NRL debut on Saturday night. It was captured on a hidden camera in Morris office and the raw emotion is a nice reminder of what sport is all about. Thumbs down Having made fun of gay figure skaters, then Adam Goodes during the Collingwood racism furore, then criticising Goodes during the indigenous round, then joking in White Ribbon Round about drowning Caroline Wilson, is anyone surprised Eddie McGuire ridiculed double amputee Cynthia Banham for a coin toss? Its a big weekend for Storm captain Cameron Smith, who only needs to score nine points against the Bulldogs at AAMI Park on Sunday to go past Hazem El Masri as the games all-time leading pointscorer. Its an even bigger weekend for all the horsies your humble columnist will put money on at Royal Randwick on Saturday for the first day of The Championships, which includes the time-honoured Doncaster Mile. Big weight to carry. Andrew Webster is Chief Sports Writer of The Sydney Morning Herald. Most Viewed in Sport Loading https://www.canberratimes.com.au/sport/nrl/there-are-bigger-things-to-worry-about-like-saving-my-brother-s-life-20190404-p51ans.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_sport
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How to overcome the fear of water?
…or A Mildly Fishy Fairytale about the creatures of the sea…
It wasn’t until very much later in life, that Link came to remember the curious events from his early childhood. He went trough puberty, college and a significant career as an engineer never thinking about that day. All that was left in his memory about the day, when he nearly drowned in the Pacific ocean, was a terrible fear of drowning whenever he got submerged in water. Until his late thirties, that fear kept him away from all pools of water. He never dipped himself in the ocean, and he hated bath tubs. But he had learned to live on land and so he did, until that day it all came back to him.
Link severly disliked the beach. He only came here for one reason, and that reason was his baby dog, Jade. Jade was an adorable little creature, but unlike her owner, she loved the ocean. She didn’t know anything quite as enjoyable as frolicking at the water line, getting splashed by the waves and tasting the salty droplets of water on her nose. If it wasn’t for Jade, Link would never have come to the beach. He liked the desert.
But watching Jade was one of the few joys in his un-eventful life. Here he was, 38 years old, single and miserable. He was great at his job at a reputable computer company, he had all the money he could ever need, a nice house at a good location…but no actual life. When was the last time he went on a date? He couldn’t remember. He only adopted Jade to meet the ladies, but now, two years later, Jade was the only female being in his life. He loved Jade, without a doubt, but he longed for that true love other people kept talking about. There was a hole in his heart, as if a part of him was missing, and he so wanted to fill it with someone.
Being forced to come out of his deep thoughts, Link turned his head towards the water line, where Jade was barking frantically at something. There was a large something, being flushed by the waves, just where the water met the white sand. At first Link thought it was a dolphin - they were known to be washed to the shore sometimes - but as he walked closer, he realized it was something else. When he saw the beam of sunlight reflect from what appeared to be a lock of golden hair, his heart dropped with horror. Was it a person? And then he ran.
As soon as he got to the water line, he ordered Jade to back off and took a closer look at whatever was laying in front of him. He saw a tall, tan man with curly golden hair and a majestic beard. The man’s upper torso was bare, and Link saw a worryingly large wound under his chest. A trickle of blood was running down his side, mixing with the ocean water. Feeling concerned and anxious, Link moved his eyes lower on the man’s body to see if anything else was injured.
‘What the crap?!’ he yelled, confused, as he stared at where the man’s legs should have been. Instead of seeing normal legs and feet, he saw a…a tail? A fish tail, only bigger than any fish tail he’d ever seen. It was covered with shining, silver and blueish scales, which made the lower part of the mans body sparkle like a huge pile of diamonds. It was a glorious sight, but what the hell was it? Link swallowed nervously, as he thought to himself:‘Is that a mermaid? No, a merman of course, that is not a female!’
Link carefully reached his hand to touch the weird creature in front of him, and as his fingers gently touched the bearded face, the creature opened his eyes, grunting silently as he turned his head to look at Link. The mysterious green eyes seemed to look straight into Link’s soul, and he quickly pulled his hand away, as if burned by the heat radiating from the merman’s skin.
‘Please, help me!’ said the merman, ‘You need to pull me out of the water, before the sharks come back!’ Then he closed his eyes and appeared to lose his conciousness. Link, feeling restless at the closeness of the water and possible sharks, didn’t hesitate for a second. He was smaller than the sea creature, but he was fit. The panic gave him superhuman strength, and with ease, he pulled the fishtailed man ashore.
'Now what am I supposed to do?’ Link thought to himself, staring at the merman. The sun was scorching his neck, and he was concerned about the creature’s ability to survive on dry land. However, to his amazement, he suddenly saw the glistening tail start to turn into human feet and in no more than a blink of an eye, he was looking at a naked, tall man. A man, who was still bleeding, but who also happened to be quite a sight with his long lean legs. This unfamiliar sight made Link just a little confused, but he brushed the strange emotions aside, when he saw Jade going at the bearded man’s face, licking his forehead the way dogs do. 'Come on, Jade! Don’t do that!’
He didn’t have the time to pull Jade away, when the now-full-human merman opened his eyes again. 'It’s okay, I like dogs. Thank you, Link, for saving my life.’
The merman looked at Link again, with his amazing eyes. Link couldn’t help but blush under his gaze. 'How do you know who I am?’ he asked, more confused than ever.
'I guess it would be unfair to expect you to remember me’, said the stranger, as he slowly moved into a sitting position. Was his chest starting to heal? Link could hardly believe his eyes. 'We’ve met before. I’m Rhett. 30 years ago I saved you from drowning in the ocean.’
Link looked at the merm…at Rhett with amazement. A faint memory from distant childhood was starting to emerge. A vacation by the beach, Nana telling him not to swim too far…But he had seen a really pretty shell in the bottom of the ocean, and he’d really wanted to take it to his Nana, so he swam further…The memories were flooding in his mind now, the current having taken him too far, him getting too tired to fight the waves, then passing out…He remembered having woken up in his deck chair next to Nana, holding that pretty shell in his hand, after a sweet dream about mermaids and a golden boy about his age. That wasn’t a dream? How could he have forgotten all about it?
He looked back at Rhett, remembering now the warmth he had felt in his heart that day years ago, waking up from that dream. This was that same golden dreamboy, but now he was a beautiful golden man, staring intensively at Link with a warm smile on his face. Link felt the warmth of the sun slowly spread through his skin, all the way to his soul, warming up every corner of his body and mind. He felt the strange connection, formed years ago on that strange day at the beach, emerging again as the hole in his heart started to fill up and close. All of a sudden, he felt whole again, for the first time in a very long time.
'I remeber now,’ he said, 'You’re my soulmate. I’ve been looking for you all my life.’ Link reached his hand to touch Rhett’s face again, and he saw a small tear form in Rhett’s eye, ball up and run down his cheek. 'And I’ve waited so long for you to come back.’ Rhett smiled through his tears and grabbed the smaller man into his arms, embracing him tightly.
Link slowly started to realize his whereabouts, and the fact he was standing at an empty (thank god for that) beach, being held by an overly tall naked man, and being stared at by a silent tiny dog. He blushed thoroughly and pulled away from Rhett’s arms.
'What are we supposed to do now?’ he asked the tall man, who appeared to carry all the wisdom of the world in his mind. Rhett picked Jade up from the sand, into his arms, and gave her a little smooch. Then he reached his arm to pull Link back to him, laughed heartfeltedly and said:’ All you need to do is love me and kiss me, and you’ll turn into a merman just like me.’ Link’s heart was full of hope, but he still hesitated:'But what about Jade? I can’t leave her!’ Rhett lifted Jade higher in his arm, so she could reach to lick his face again. 'Don’t worry, silly! Jade already loves me, now she’s kissing me, and well, she will love my merdog, Barbara, too. I told you I like dogs, didnt I?’
Link hesitated no more. He raised his eyes to look at Rhett once more, gave him a long, loving smooch, and smiled. This was all he had ever hoped for, and it was perfect. Rhett lowered Jade back to the ground, grabbed Link’s silly t-shirt by the chest, and in one swift move, tore it apart. 'Now, let’s go for a dip in the ocean’, he murmured and ran away. Link watched him dive into the waves, quickly undressed himself, and joined him with Jade loyally by his side. Never again was Link afraid of the water, as for now, he had love to keep him safe.
The end.
Thank you for reading my little fairy-tale. This was partially inspired by the beautiful merman drawings by @jannelle-o and others under the #merrhett tag (I’m sorry I can’t remember your names, I love your art!), and by GMM #781. I have every intention to illustrate this story with my own Mythical Mer-family art, but until then, here’s just the text version :). Again, I would love to hear your comments - personally, I kinda like where this story went :).
#rhink#merman#barbara#jade#fairy-tale#fanfic#fantasy#au fanfic#my stuff#silly me#at it again#merrhett
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[[ this is kinda rambly and piecemeal and out of order since its an edited convo off of discord from before cy’s heart got replaced, but i decided i wanted this Extra Large thalassemia infodump on my blog. go read this primer first for basic info on thal; cyrus’s form is beta thalassemia major. ]]
even with a perfectly healthy and functional heart, cy'd still have a too fast pulse and likely have arrhythmias; that comes with the territory of his anemia, and he could still develop heart failure again later in life. the problem with cy's current heart is that its been scarred to shit by the extra iron in his body from his blood transfusions and hes developed cardiomyopathy as a result, which at this point is virtually guaranteed to kill him before he turns 30, even if he takes perfect care of himself and never develops any other complications from his thalassemia ever (which aint fuckin likely). this failing heart just deals worse with arrhythmias he already has, especially under stress, and already struggles to keep up enough blood pressure.
bone marrow transplants are currently the closest thing to a cure for thalassemia we have and hellll no he has not had that done i doubt hes even on a waiting list. with his shit in the state hes in, its questionable if he'd even survive the process its pretty intense, nevermind the finances and healing and finding a match and even so much as qualifying to have it done.
cyrus goes in for a blood transfusion every three weeks. when transfusion dates get close, within a few days, hes more tired; he doesnt go out; he can be moodier; he can get headaches and dizzy spells. he feels best after a transfusion, then its just a slow decline till the date rolls around again. i tend to rp him within a week or two of being transfused most of the time simply bc its easier to get him out there interacting with people.
sometimes they coincide with transfusion dates, sometimes they don't, but he has longer appointments to check up on his other bodily functions every so often. theres general stuff, looking at his counts, then more specialized appointments to keep an eye specifically on his heart or check up on his liver and other organs as needed.
thalassemia by itself kills a person through not having enough blood to get oxygen around the body; this is solved through blood transfusions. chronic anemia means chronic transfusions. which would be fine! except chronic transfusions cause a build-up of iron in the body, and that shit is toxic and where the more fatal complications tend to stem from for thalassemia patients. also, being anemic means your body thinks it needs iron, so it's prone to absorb more from food than the average person, an added bonus. consequently, there are certain foods cyrus avoids. legumes, dark leafy greens, etc. look up any list of iron-rich foods, and thats a list of shit cyrus ought to be avoiding or indulging rarely. (funnily enough, these lists also are often advertised towards anemic people because those who arent transfused have the opposite problem.) part of his tea drinking habit is because tea inhibits iron absorption, along with he just likes it. coffee works too and he doesnt object to it, but he prefers tea.
another consequence of chronic transfusions is that you end up with a lot of old shitty dead blood cells in your system, and your spleen is left to clean it up. unfortunately, when faced with that much to clean, it can enlarge (splenomegaly) and become overactive (hypersplenism). so it starts removing healthy blood cells too quickly and too early, which can cause the anemic patient to need more blood when being transfused, which risks more iron, and not to mention its generally uncomfortable for the patient with the enlarged spleen. in short, this happened to cyrus, so his spleen has been removed. spleens, however, also play an important role in the immune system, so he was already kinda vulnerable as an anemic, but having no spleen makes him doubly at risk of infections. he takes antibiotics as part of his daily pharmaceutical regime.
during cold and flu season, docs tend to strongly suggest he wear surgical masks during school and whenever hes around a lot of people in public places, but he almost never does. he doesnt like the attention it gets him esp in school, but sometimes he'll do it when hes on public transit or anything. he does carry hand sanitizer with him a lot of the time tho
bc his immune system is fragile, he often goes in-patient for what would be minor sicknesses for us, esp if theres a fever. he tends to be hit hard by them, and being sick can make his counts plummet as his body tries to fight off the disease.
coming back around to iron related bullshit, iron overload is treated by iron chelation, for which there are mainly two medicines, deferoxamine and deferasirox, and cyrus uses the latter because i have never been able to find out enough goddamn information about deferoxamine. deferoxamine is the more common and cheaper of the two medicines; its injected subcutaneously over the course of 8-12 hours and has its own list of side effects and the process itself tends to be kinda painful from the accounts ive read. its done at home, often while the patient sleeps bc... well, when else are you gonna get a child to sit still for 8-12 hours. its definitely the one cyrus was on for a while, when he was younger. bc ive had a hellish time finding info on the pump used for deferoxamine and more about that medicine generally, cy’s currently on deferasirox. slightly different side effects, but otherwise does the same job in pill form.
thalassemia patients who've been cared for properly should be healthier than cyrus is. most patients his age havent had a heart attack already and arent dealing with heart failure, not yet. his parents have always struggled financially to keep up with his medical bills, but there was a time when he was still young that they still thought they could manage if they just worked hard enough. they were too proud to accept help, and he suffered for it. they eventually gave in but even then still struggled to keep up. sometimes a sudden unexpected change in insurance policy would fuck em for a while finanacially. so sometimes they'd not fill a perscription for a while or wait longer than they should to take him in-patient, hoping he might just tough out a cold or smth. sometimes he'd manage to do that and have abysmal blood counts next time he went in, and a couple of times he got so sick he was legit on death's doorstep by the time he got to the hospital and needed way longer to recover. sometimes cyrus would be too fussy about the deferoxamine and they didnt have the energy that night to force him to accept it or he'd turn off the machine himself after they left. not too often, he was pretty good about just accepting it and did most of the time, but it def happened more than a few times. and if it had already been activated, they couldnt reuse it and had to throw the dose out, in which case that was it he skips it no replacement they cant afford it not in the budget.
and because the effects of iron overload are long-term ones for the most part, it was easy to be like "ehh he seems fine for now". like, they knew the risks, but it was hard to see them as anything but so far in the distance as to be irrelevant. cyrus himself isnt great about the whole self-care thing either; his depression has helped nothing. he's been known to just flush or toss pills in a small spiteful act of rebellion, all his parents care about is that hes still alive and their money, and medicine's expensive, so wouldnt it just piss em off to throw it all away. he'll eat foods he shouldnt for similar reasons, along with just the pleasure of it. and sometimes he hits the sort of suicidal low where he just.... doesnt see the point. each dose he takes is a choice to keep living, and sometimes that choice isnt one he wants to make.
no one quite realized how bad he was tho till his first heart attack. he was so young; the docs dont rly know when hes skipping, so they werent watching too closely for the effects of it. and the damage his body took over time was amplified by his frequent stress. the heart and liver are the ones most affected by iron overload; his liver is somewhat damaged too, but thats not too bad yet, not as bad as his heart.
other little thal things: hormone levels can get super fucked. cy's puberty was a bit delayed, and his testosterone levels remain kinda low compared to average, so hes not as hairy as his genetics might otherwise dictate. he will never be able to grow a proper beard; it'll always be way too patchy and uneven. and despite what his touch aversion and other factors like stress and said low testosterone might lead you to believe, hes got a pretty strong sex drive, though he suppresses the hell out of it.
he was homeschooled for his first few years of elementary bc health concerns, but that couldnt be sustained bc of cost. so he rejoined public school since then. i wouldnt be surprised if his peers used his puberty delays against him, but i'd expect they were making fun of him less bc he was a late bloomer and more at his general girlishness, esp since this would also be around the time he was growing out his hair.
he has had people do the "lookit me ive befriended the sad disabled kid arent i good <3" schtick (which esp pisses him off bc its similar to shit melinda pulls) and hes met the people who try to be nice to him for three days then turn a 180 on him when he doesnt immediately cheer up and get all buddy buddy with them. and hence he now treats kindness from strangers with extreme skepticism, suspicion, and aggression. (thomas also feeds into this but ye) it scares off plenty of legitimately nice people who he could have befriended, buuut.
Oh, a couple Fun Facts I forgot to mention. bc anemia, he bruises easy and injuries generally take longer than normal to heal. And in part bc depression and in part bc meds are prone to fucking with his appetite, either killing it entirely or just making him nauseated, he tends to not eat enough and is kind of underweight. Melinda put him in charge of dinner most nights as part of a genuine good faith effort to ensure he's getting at least one good meal and get him home when he's supposed to be.
#meta#fun fact#medical#there are so many little ways his disorder has shaped his life#even if they dont appear too obviously when im writing him in actual threads#suicide mention#thalassemia
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so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?
hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D
i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.
also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.
and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.
the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.
the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.
ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.
ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)
ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?
YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.
jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.
how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33
YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.
and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD
clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/
sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D
and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T
also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3
help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.
honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!
hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.
ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?
yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?
ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.
yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant
oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!
oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!
lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.
jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.
ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.
seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).
yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.
hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.
yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.
omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.
#long post#also im listening to love song right now haha i love it so much#also sorry for not answering yesterday hhh i got busy last night#「 asks 」#moots — [♡] ;#toffee — [♡] ;#neo-shitty
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Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
"Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr
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Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
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Does your car insurance go down when you turn 25? If so, how much...?""
Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
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I'm paying $170 a month for car insurance, it went up a little because i was in a minor accident and I feel it's a bit much to be paying every month. So if I don't have ...show more""
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Boyfriend got into accident with my car..he has insurance/SR-22. Whose insurance will be responsible?
My boyfriend has had an insurance policy with an SR-22 on it for almost a year. It expires in 6 days. He was driving my car to work and got into an accident that was his fault. My car has barely any damage and I don't think the other car was severely damaged. My mom has an insurance policy on my car ( I live with her) But since my boyfriend was driving and he has insurance with the SR-22 doesn't that mean that it will go on his insurance? Isn't that the exact reason he had to have the SR-22 in the first place? So in case he screwed up (which he did) than it would be covered in any car he drives? Thanks.
If I have proof of insurance but driving a friend's car who doesn't have insurance...?
Can I get a ticket for not having insurance? I was pulled over while driving a friend's car and received a ticket for not having proof of insurance. I had proof of insurance for my car in my wallet, and I showed it to the officer. He told me there needed to be proof of insurance for the car I was driving as well. Anybody know if this is true? I'm in Washington State for the record.""
Car insurance help? do i need to pay?
Hi there:) I have just bought a car, it is being delviered on thursday. I was hoping to keep it on my drive until i have passed, then insure it and drive after, am i allowed to do this? or do i have to pay insurance? thanks""
How much will car insurance cost?
I want a 2002 toyota Celica and a suv like 2003 escalade Im 15 now but when I get my license I'm going on my mom insurance but I have to pay the bill how much
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Okay my parents have their cars plus my younger brother on their home/auto insurance policy. My car is also included but I am wondering, is this okay or a problem since I am 25 yrs old and no longer living with them? I could get auto on my own but it is way more expensive compared to my 'share' with my parents policy. Is there a law or rule? What if I was living with them? I am in CA""
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So, I am thinking of opening a summer company and I don't think I need liability insurance. I know that everyone should have it, but I don't think it's really worth it for me. All of the places I will be visiting will have their own insurance and I will only be using the insurance for a week or so a month. As I won't be using it a lot, I don't think I really need it. So, basically, do I need insurance for my space in an insured venue. Thanks in advanced!""
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I got a speeding ticket in July going 100 mph in California. I live in AZ and was visiting when I got pulled over. I got a notice in the mail saying it's mandatory for me to appear in court. Does anyone know how much my insurance will go up? I'm 25 yrs old and this is my 2nd speeding ticket. The 1st one was in AZ and it doesn't show up on my record because I went to driving school.
Which cheap car insurance companies send the documantetion by Email only?
NOT by post, by EMAIL only""
Car Insurance - help me please people :(?
Ok so I have my driving test tomorrow and if i pass, i wont be able to get insurance for my car because i dont have enough money for it yearly, and I heard that if you pay insurance monthly, you have to pay a large amount of money before hand? I asked my nan to borrow some money but the money wouldn't have cleared on time so I was wondering is there an alternative for me being able to pay it the next month or something? because i know for MOT you can have up to a month to pay for it so i was wondering if it can be the same for paying car insurance? thanks for ur help in advance""
""First Car, insurance price etc :)?""
Hi all, I'm going to go into more detail and search more etc. when I get the car's reg, but for now I can only ask all of you :) I'm going to buy 1.6 ltr ford focus off of my friend for 800, 5 door, 2000 model I think so what kind of insurance would I be quoted on it usually? I don't want links to websites as I havent got all the details... but I havent passed my test yet and it will be my first car, plus I'm 18 so it could be a tad expensive I know :S Thanks for reading :)""
Where can you get insurance for a 16 year old travelling alone?
Hi, a group of my friends and I, five of us, are travelling to Germany and are looking for a place that would insure us, we are all 16 years old. Thanks :)""
Cheapest car insurance for learner?
Best car for male 17 year old ?
Affordable healthcare in Virginia?
My current healthcare that I have through my employer sucks. It is way too expensive and not very good. My deductible so high and since I recently added my baby, it's even higher. I am now looking into a different insurance provider that is affordable and provides good service and benefits. Any suggestions?""
Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
""My wife is pregnant, we do not have insurance. What should we do?""
We do not have insurance, but are having a baby. We are happy to add to our family, but do not know how we are going to be able to afford the up coming medical bills.""
Cheap Auto Insurance in Houston/Katy?
I bought a Chevrolet Avalanche 2004 a week ago. I want to know which is the cheapest full coverage insurance on the Houston/Katy area. I also would like to know where can I get the insurance just for one month.
Do judges call in to verify your car insurance?
I was just curious if you are sent to court for driving without proof of insurance if the judge in court calls into the insurance to verify it. If it helps I live in Illinois. Just curious I'm trying to prove something to a friend.
Is Blue of california a good health insurance?
Is Blue of california a good health insurance?
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Is it true that kit cars, example toyota mr2 to murcialago insurance cheaper??""
Blue cross insurance? How soon can you start using it?
Well, I want to get braces but don't have any insurance whatsoever (other than the mandatory Medicare). I live in NS by the way. I would like to get Blue Cross insurance but have no idea how to do so and when I would be able to start using my insurance towards my braces. Also, I have a minor benign tumor on my pituitary gland so will that affect my rating for insurance? What other insurance companies are there in Atlantic Canada? Thanks for your help :)""
What's the minimum auto insurance coverage I should have in california?
I'm not talking about the minimum required by law, but what's a good idea to have? Is 100/300/50 BIPD overkill? Are we just throwing our money away?""
What insurance is going to play ?
I confided my 2 cats to a friend in Liverpool. My cats ripped him tapestry of his wall. Will take my insurance the damage because they are my cats ? Or his insurance because he is given custody of my cats ?
Can I open this kind of Insurance Business?
I was wondering if I would be able to offer a secondary insurance just for theft or total of a car. My sister has and resells auto insurance but my idea was to offer to modified imports. Or could offer a guarantee to pay difference from what I value the car then what their primary insurance pays? I know you need a license to sell insurance. Any input will help.
Why does having access to more than 1 car put your insurance premium up?
I'm trying to get insured on my mums car, the quotes on insurance comparison websites are higher when I mention that she is insured on somebody else car though...""
Any suggestion base on your experences with Health and dental insurances?
My Health and Dental Insurance from my old employer (under cobra with Kasier) will expire soon. I plan on buying my own Health and Dental, any suggestions in Northern California?. Thanks""
How much approx. to insure 1100cc for 7 days?
Any help on this question will be appreciated. I'm only looking for an approximation as I've no idea what the general insurance rates are for short term car insurance. Insurance would only need be 3rd part fire and theft. Would it cost me 10, 50 a 100 pounds, I've no idea. Again any help appreciated. Thanks.""
What are some car insurance companys?
would love to know ones that are cheap???
A question about insurance on a car?
ok i live in england, and i am 27yrs old, i drive and have my own insurance which is fully comp, as i am over 26 i can drive any car third party, my boyfriend is just starting to learn to drive and since neither of his parents drive, hes going to have to get his own car with his own insurance on, which is obviously going to be quite high as hes a new driver, hes 20yrs old. we got told that if he put me on his insurance as a second driver then it would work out a bit cheaper for him, but im wondering if this is true, as i can drive his car anyway on my insurance, so im not sure if its legal to go on his or if they will let me. any advice would be appreciated.""
What are the cheapest cars for car insurance in England?
What are the cheapest cars for car insurance in England? I am just about to pass my test and don't care if the car looks like a piece of ****. I want it to have cheap car insurance. I'm thinking Peugeot 206 or something but I have no idea about cars? Thanks guys.
Young Person Car Insurance?
Hi there, I am currently looking for my son who is 19 and has just got himself a new job, i promised him if he gets a job he can have a car to get there. However i am very worried about the insurance quotes ive looked up on the internet which is looking at 3700 a year which is the cheapest i can find. Very worrying seeing his mates are 2500 which im happy to pay. He is looking for a old ford fiesta, is there any ideas where i could improve and seek a cheaper quote? Possibly phoning up companies or is the internet quotes better, any other suggested cheap car insurance websites? Thanks Fiona""
Car insurance?
how much would insurance for a 16 year old female cost for a 2000 Plymouth Neon Highline
How much does a limo insurance cost?
im saving 33,480 dollars to buy an 04 limo""
Can i go onto my Dads car insurance and get my own car aswell?
What the title says. Can i go onto my dads car insurance and drive my own car, instead of driving my dads?""
Car Insurance Question?
A couple of months ago, I checked out Insurance on Money Supermarket and got a cheap quote of 1,115.44 for a 5 door 1.1 Citroen Saxo, but I've been recently checking again and now all the quotes from the same company are over 4K??? Are they allowed to do this anyhow? And if I phone up the company and tell them about the cheap quote, will they give it to me?""
Insurance for international trip?
I purchased an international airline ticket. In case anything happens I am thinking to buy a travel insurance to protect me from canceling the trip. Is there reliable insurance company have this service with a reasonable price? Appreciate your valuable information. Lucy
How much is AAA insurance?
Well my dad has been a member of AAA for 10 to 17 years now and i wonder how much it would be if he added me on the policy right now since i only have a permit and im going to be 16 in august, and when i get my license, how much would it be to get the coverage for my car?""
Does anyone know how much car insurance will be on a 2003 ford focus svt 2 door?
im thinking about buying a ford focus svt i just need to no around how much car insurance might be if any one knows
How much insurance should i buy ?
How much insurance should i buy ?
What are the best alternatives to Humana One for an individual?
I am a college graduate and my parents helped me with Humana One bills. I am about to work at my first post-college job but unfortunately they don't provide health insurance for part-timers. I am interested in more affordable but quality alternatives to Humana One especially for someone in his 20s. My alumni association mailed me info about GradMed but it is only a temporary solution and doesn't cover pre-existing conditions.
Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
Luning Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89420
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/anything-i-can-do-lower-my-insurance-17-year-old-scott-nelson/"
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Into words
Alright it’s September already. Haha Aug was probably the most happening month after my hiatus from excitement since i think Feb???
But anyway I really didn’t intend to fly two times to the same country within the same month lol. The first one was a genuine holiday trip already in place months ago, the second one popped out only one month before. Er I don’t know what made me decide to go for the second one, probably cos I was captivated by the thought of visiting Xitou, or ok lah maybe I was just being a senseless infatuated fangirl.
The holiday trip was good and all (well it is a holiday after all), i think travel companions matter a lot. So thankfully the friends were all easy-going suibian people who dont mind sleeping in on trips, doing nothing on various days, eating lame food etc etc. On the first day we got our hair done at in%, then I dumped the friends to get a photo with Kent Tsai my new obsession!!! He’s a very very cute derpy little boy. HAHAHA I missed one hour of Peici’s concert as a result of that but ok it wasnt too bad. Did i mention peici’s concert was the reason this trip existed in the first place - as weird as it sounds to have arose from jt LOL. Then I met tph’s tw fan to pass her some i-weekly magazines (lolol) and we spent the night roaming around raohe. LOL i think one memorable moment was getting a leg cramp the moment I sat down in the taxi after walking ages at the night market, I was trying to control myself from screaming in pain and attempting to give directions to the cabby at the same time lmao.
On the 2nd day we concurred to sleep in. Jalan-jalan around XMD, random shops and the arcade, went to my favourite GUANG NAN!, I found the camera streets to buy the battery which I very smartly forgot to bring, more jalan jalan and spent the night early at our accom stocked with beer and food. Shiok! Actually this is the perfect holiday itinerary.
3rd-4th was packed with the tour itinerary up to shei-pa. Ok this was suggested by me because I am a sucker for mountainous areas, I am going to conquer all the national parks in taiwan. Not too bad with nice chilly air, although not as chio as i expected hmms. Jt and I attempted one of the forest trekking paths ourselves and shit that was one scary 40mins of our lives HAHAHA. There was freaking not a single soul in the whole forest and the path was much longer than we expected. There was a point when I wondered if I would ever get out of that place. Then we missed some star-gazing guide at night because idk who remembered the timing wrongly wtf hahahahah then we forced the provision shop to sell us beer and cup noodles even though they were already closed.
Oh yeah I forgot to mention that the bendy roads up were one of the worst..even I felt a bit bad upon reaching the top (I am usually the one enjoying being thrown around the vehicle). Went up further to the national park area - more mountain views, and trekking paths!!! Ok lah my stamina still survivable. Wasted time visiting some boring museum-ish place along the way down and I was late for my Kent Tsai bubble tea shop event. Sucks! Hahaha literally opened my luggage along the streets of xmd to change my camera lens. We did supermarket shopping that night, the loots were a considerable lot hahaha. I remember sleeping around 3am trying to watch xmj’s live after all the packing and watching tv.
Last day was the epic shit having breakfast at the hotel and getting caught in a rat attack. LOL it was damn amusing cos people were screaming and some auntie was trembling in fear just because of one rat. But the rat ended up getting killed right beside our table (VIP zone for us) and I was recording it and we were screaming and laughing so hysterically HAHAHAHA. Shit the singaporean spirit, I was one of the only few whipping out my phone to record the commotion lolololol. We wanted to visit maokong for the last few hours but I think we ended up just roaming the taipei main station underground shops and spending money on arcade and gachapons.
Hahaha definitely an enjoyable trip. We hit 600 for our basketball machine!! and the stupid fruit vinegar drink I bought for kent tsai but had to use it as forfeit to finish the not-so-nice drink XD
Back to work for another two weeks and I was off again. This time for jaydaone only jaydaone. Haha another set of easy-going travel companions, so everything was gooddddd! We checked-in early to get some last minute buys for him (lol the TWG tea smelled funny honestly) and we thought we had much time to jalan jalan and ended up being the last few at the boarding gate. Took our time to fly there, eat breakfast at the airport, slowly made our way to taichung, and after much walking around finally reached xitou. Shit the bus from taichung to xitou was damn awesome for catching up on sleep. Our minsu owners didnt let us go back to the accom and insisted we toured the monster village first before returning. Oh well never give laoniang here chance to put makeup.... haha we finished the whole village i think by 6+pm. Its not as big as I thought.... but there were some amusing things which we are still laughing over now LOL just some very vulgar packaging boxes useful for scolding people. Cant stop using the phrases after that. Hahahaha bought convenience store food (my mayday limited edition taiwan beer!!) and we were back in the accomm by early night. Idk how we still dragged until past 12midnight to sleep lol . Ate our food (without utensils!!! how can family mart do this to us), drank beer watch TV listened to jaydaone’s radio (and off-ed it halfway cos it was damn noisy) wrote some cards and nuasaied in the room. Shiok.
Up earlyyyyyyyyyyyy as planned but took longer than expected to get ready. So we were behind our own schedule hahaha sucks! We panicked when the minsu person told us it would require around 40mins to reach the event location from the main entrance. Had to forgo the minsu breakfast :c and we made our way direct to the event location. That was quite a climb, and wtf lyc reached even before us. We choped a good spot and yeah of course everybody else just conveniently slotted in without expressing any form of gratitude, ohwells hahahaha but doesnt matter la there is no fierce competition there and then. Lyc appears and sang 4 songs, I wasnt watching him most of the time cos I was busy taking photos. Errrrrr like lol I flew over there just to watch him but end up looking at the camera screen. But I think he was in a good mood c: Haha at the end of the performance we had a mini gathering nearby, it was longer than the performance time. I remember he emerged and was walking down the slope and we went up to say hi. MY PRINCE ON A WHITE HORSE *v* ahhhh hahaha please pardon me while I switch to xmm fangirl mode. I think the rest I should just leave it because I have already recorded it down somewhere and it is not easy to put into words without sounding like a freak. But he is nice nice nice very very nice and I am very very grateful he is who he is. I think I’ve seen him for >15 times but this is the first time(?) i held his hand properly HAHAHA shit this is going to sound erxin but when he was leaving he was saying thanks and he held out his hand so I reached out for it and at that moment I just had this thought that, Oh dear I don’t want to let go yet so I held on and he didnt let go too (!!) I think I had his right and stephy had his left. Hahahahahahaha. Then he gave the kind of look that goes through your eyes and said xiexie. Walao please please kill me please 为什么就是一股温暖满满的温暖我感觉支持你快10年了我青春有你什么都值得了
Lol okay enough hahahaha i think its hard for people to understand. Anyway right after he left we walked back to attempt some last minute sightseeing before rushing for the bus. I remember us scolding some shit while walking HAHAHAHA so much for putting on a fake demure front when the idol’s around. Back to taichung and met with mans the siao last-minute-decided-to-come girl, we created a tiny hoo-ha at uriko’s art exhibition cos they got to know that there were a few singaporeans there lol. But she is very pretty and talented. Now I understand why tintin went crazy over her hahahahaha. Our schedule for the night had two deleted items, one pan wei bo event and one dimdimsum trip, we ended up having dinner at yizhong and trying out the random 100dollar item vending machine. Watched kent tsai and the chi qing nan zi han at night. Freaking 3rd row in a huge cinema i think my neck is very unwell. Walked fengchia at night and found out our flight was delayed by freaking 8 hours!! Ded. Made plans to cancel our HSR tix.
Last day was spent on Kent Tsai at kaohsiung. Haha shit his face was sooooo grumpy that day. We had another round of the movie for the after-show qna and he actually asked us to shhh cos our cameras were so loud. Wtf hahaha this kid. But he is still very cute lah. Then we went to the adidas exhibits thingy and ruifeng night market (extra time cos of the flight delay zzz) and then we slowly took the bus back to taoyuan. Reached airport at 4+am I think. Haha last minute buys at 7-11 and beer. I think I was close to k.o. already, i need sleep!!!! Horrors of further flight delay by 2hrs. Lol kept thinking of how to kaopei the flight carrier. Ended up we didnt use the meal vouchers cos we thought they were for in-flight when they were actually for airport shops zzzzzzzzzzzz. But at the end they gave us flight vouchers and insurance is claimable so Ok lor I dont mind. Luckily I took extra day leave for work beforehand, if not jialat only.
Hahaha awesome awesome trips. Shit once the flying starts I think it is hard to stop. Oh dear. Sigh its back to reality for now... dont know how long I can survive without anymore excitement....... Argh I think i sound like a kid. But whatever lah gimme a break from all these adult life and societal cruelty (and SHITASS people) for once or twice. Bye back to the mundane mundane shitty life.
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Invisible unicorns: 35 big companies that started with little or no money
Joseph FlahertyContributor Joe Flaherty is director of Content & Community at Founder Collective. More posts by this contributor: Theres no shame in a $100M startup Overdosing on VC: Lessons from 71 IPOs Venture capital is a hell of a drug, and its possible tooverdose on VC, but for most founders that is a champagne problem. More often the question investors hear is how do I get a VC to back my startup? These founders arent worried about how overcapitalization will make their IPO prospects trickier theyre scrambling to get someone, anyone, to sign their first term sheet. Theres a widespread belief among founders that venture capital is a precursor to success. VC is a common denominator of the most successful tech startups, but it isnt a prerequisite, especially at the early stages. Entrepreneurs can prove out quite a bit with little to no capital. Capital wont make your company insightful. If you cant creatively turn $1 into $10, why do you expect to be able to turn $1 million into $10 million? To help illustrate how startups can move forward, here are 35 examples of companies that started with a few thousand dollars, or even just sweat equity, and went on to become exemplars of what I call efficient entrepreneurship. Many of these companies have subsequently earned billion-dollar valuations, some even have billions of dollars in revenue, but none started with anything other than what would be considered a seed round. Most of these startups raised money from VCs, but only after they established the fact that their success would come with or without a wire transfer from an investor. Even now, many of them arent widely known they are the invisible unicorns of the tech industry. So before scrambling to schedule meetings with investors, read these stories. They provide a counterbalance to the VC-centric outlook held by many founders, and provide alternative ways to think about funding. What follows are brief and simplified descriptions of these companies (categorized by approaches they share) and links to stories where you can read more about them. Remember, taking venture capital should be a choice, not a compulsion. These companies show how its done. Figure something out, then ask for money You dont need venture capital to get started in most industries if you can solve a real problem for customers and charge money for it. Here are three ways to think about this: Automate your workflow The easiest way to build a useful product is to automate some part of your daily workflow. This will ensure youve got proven demand for what youre building and a pre-existing funding source for your project. MailChimp: Co-founder/CEO Ben Chestnut was running a design consulting business in the year 2000 and had a stream of clients who wanted email newsletters created. The only problem was that he hated designing them. So, to spare his team the tedium, he decided to build a tool that would streamline the process.MailChimp, a $400 million run rate business, was born. Lynda: Lynda Weinman started as a teacher in need of tools to instruct web designers in the late 1990s. The offerings at bookstores were bland, so she began producing training films that better educated her students. Tutorial by tutorial her company helped software developers and designers improve their skills. She spent two decades building a content library and tech assets that had enough scale to entice LinkedIn to pay $1.5 billion to acquire the company. Start with a capital-efficient product Many entrepreneurs make frontal attacks on industry leaders, usually resulting in failure. This is especially true in the case of hardware. Instead of trying to compete with a company like Apple, these scrappy startups filled the gap left by RadioShack and built businesses worthy of respect and emulation. AdaFruit Industries: Limor Fried started her DIY electronics e-commerce empire as a student at MIT by assembling DIY kits comprised of off-the-shelf parts. Fried merchandised the same building blocks found at electronics stores, but also crafted quirky content that made the prospect of soldering a replica Space Invaders cabinet seem reasonable. Now she has 85 employees and earns $33 million per year. SparkFun: Similar to AdaFruit, Nathan Seidle started SparkFun out of his dorm room by selling electronics kits and oddball components to a coterie of engineers who wanted to explore exotic new sensors and systems. Now his e-commerce empire employs 154 and has revenues of $32 million per year. Solve an existing problem and leverage an existing business model Startups dont have to be particularly innovative in terms of business model. Building a better mousetrap on top of a more modern technical platform, or with a UX layer, can be enough. None of the companies that follow reinvented the wheel, but all wound up creating real value. Braintree Payments: Exchanging money online, without being fleeced by fraudsters, is one of the oldest problems on the web. All parties to a transaction happily agree to pay a fair tax for a superior experience. Braintree built a better tech solution and survived on the proceeds of those transactions for four years before raising $69 million in two rounds of venture capital, which preceded an $800 million acquisition. Shopify: Shopifys founders were looking for a shopping cart solution when they were starting an e-commerce site for snowboarders. Unable to find one, they decided to scratch their own itch and built a bespoke solution on the then red-hot Ruby on Rails framework. It turned out to be a perfect solution for plenty more people, and the founders ran the business independently for six years on the revenue they generated. They ultimately raised money from VCs and later IPOed, which rewarded them with a billion-dollar valuation. Self-reliance rules Many entrepreneurs waste their time playing CEO, crafting a strategy and drawing up a dream org chart for what their business might become. Dont do that. Instead, figure out what you can do, today, to advance this idea using only the resources you have. Ipsy: Sending boxes of makeup to amateur beauticians has become a growth industry thanks to pioneers like Birchbox. YouTube star Michelle Phan didnt have first-mover advantage, but she leveraged her online celebrity (8 million+ YouTube subscribers), relationships with cosmetics brands and <$500,000in seed funding to build a subscription box startup that generated $150 million in revenue before raising $100 million in VC. Capital wont make your company insightful. ShutterStock: Jon Oringer was a professional software developer and an amateur photographer. He combined this set of skills and used 30,000 photos from his personal photo library to start a stock photo service that is currently worth $2 billion. His capital efficiency paid off and ultimately turned him into a truly self-made billionaire. SimpliSafe: People scoff at the idea of trying to bootstrap a hardware business, but SimpliSafes Chad Laurans did it. He raised a small amount of money from friends and family and then spent eight years building a self-install security business, literally soldering the first prototypes himself to save money. Eight years later, the business has hundreds of thousands of customers, hundreds of millions in revenue and $57 million in VC from Sequoia. Everyones money is green Funding doesnt always come millions of dollars at a time. Founders can scrape together money from grants, incubators and angels, or even pre-sales. The savviest entrepreneurs design their business model so they collect payment before they deliver their product, turning customers into a source of growth capital. Tough Mudder: Track & field entrepreneur Will Dean turned $7,000 in savings into a company with more than $100 million in annual revenue. The secret was pre-selling registrations to races and then using those funds as working capital to construct the electrified obstacle courses that have made Tough Mudder a global phenomena. CoolMiniOrNot: CoolMiniOrNot started out as a website where geeks could show off their ability to paint Dungeons & Dragons figurines. Eventually, the sites founders decided to design and distribute games of their own, leveraging Kickstarter as a channel. They have run27 Kickstarter campaignswhich have raised$35,943,270million dollars of non-dilutive funding. Game on. Sell! Sell! Sell! Usually the best source of capital is a customer, and selling has two benefits. First, you make the cash register ring immediately. Second, you quickly learn what resonates with customers and can use those insights to refine your offering. Scentsy: DNVBs are hip, but they are over-reliant on twee launch videos and Facebook ads to drive revenue. Scentsy sold candles at swap meets when they couldnt afford to buy ads. It wasnt glamorous, but it did give the founders a solid grounding on the messages that resonated with buyers now they have more than $545 million a year in revenue. CarGurus: This app leverages data analytics to help customers find the best deal on used cars, but the companys CEO credits its $50 million a year in revenue, and profitability, to hiring a sales team early in the companys life cycle. Nearly half the companys 350 employees are busy making sales calls, not writing software. LootCrate: LootCrate had more than 600,000 customers and $100 million in revenue before they raised institutional capital. Part of the reason they were so efficient was that the company started charging customers from its first weekend in existence. The founders were at a hackathon, set up a landing page, collected orders and used that capital to buy the geeky goods that would fill the packages. Be miserly with marketing Startup marketers might not want to waste time with unmeasurable brand marketing. Efficient entrepreneurs need campaigns to be additive, immediately. Wayfair: The home goods e-commerce company was profitable from its first month of operation because they skipped brand advertising and bought up hundreds of domain names that were exact matches for common search terms. This model kicked off a decade of profitable growth until they ultimately raised a Series A worth $165 million shortly before going public and earning a market cap that is currently over $4 billion. If you cant creatively turn $1 into $10, why do you expect to be able to turn $1 million into $10 million? Cards Against Humanity: With just $15,700 in funding from Kickstarter, the Cards Against Humanity team built a business that grossed more than $12 million in its first year. Theyve also sustained their brand with a series of canny marketing stunts, selling cow poop, cutting up a Picasso, digging a big hole representing the ennui of a post-Trump America, then selling Trump bug out bags and simply asking for money. These promotions arent cheap to run, but they make enough money to defray costs while earning a disproportionate amount of free media. GoFundMe: Viral marketing is dismissed, rightfully, when it is tacked on to a business model, but it can be a powerful driver when properly integrated into a business model. Paired with hyper-efficient conversion rate optimization (CRO), it can be unbeatable. The founders of GoFundMe were able to use these twin forces to bootstrap a business to the point where it was valued at ~$600 million. Efficiency > Capital Startups are often measured by how much money theyve raised. Its more important to ask how efficiently those companies use the capital. Efficiency doesnt mean penny-pinching, but instead, finding entrepreneurs who orient their business around a technology or business model that is intrinsically more effective at multiplying capital. PaintNite: The idea of combining Monet and Merlot has been around for a while, but the founders of PaintNite wanted to make the model more cost-effective. While their competitors relied on a slow, expensive franchise sales model, PaintNite paired art teachers with existing bars that wanted to sell wine on weekdays and created a business that did $30 million in revenue the year before it raised venture capital. Plenty of Fish: The dating site was founded in 2003 and didnt change dramatically regarding functionality or aesthetics over the next decade. Other sites had more features, flashier graphics and copious amounts of venture funding, but PoF was free and spent most of its resources fighting spam accounts. As with Craigslist, Plenty of Fishs biggest asset was its reputation as a well-stocked pond. The company iterated on the product over time, but never needed massive infusions of capital. Ultimately, the company sold for $575 million. Mojang: The masons behind Minecraft never raised any venture capital, employed just 50 people and earned nearly a billion dollars in profit before selling to Microsoft. The Swedish studio never got sucked into fads like Zynga-inspired social spamming and predatory microtransactions. Minecraft grew by charging users a flat fee, resulting in a $2.5 billion acquisition. Fortune favors the boring Boring isnt a value judgment. Many of the most impressive, successful companies that managed to grow without capital thrived by solving acute, if somewhat dry, problems. If you solve a hard problem, customers will happily fund it. SurveyMonkey was founded in the dot-com bubble of the 90s and though it wasnt as disruptive as peers like Kosmo, it was more durable. It survived the dot-com crash and steadily grew into a nine-figure run rate, only raising $100 million 11 years after getting started. Protolabs does for plastic injection molding what Vistaprint does for business cards, and is currently worth $1.2 billion. Cvent, worth $1.3 billion, builds event management tools and Textura, acquired for $663 million, handles construction management neither typically considered a hot or hip market. Grasshopper is a phone networking company that had 150,000 customers and more than $30 million in annual revenue, but no VC on the books, and was eventually acquired by Citrix. Epic was founded by Judith Faulkner in 1979; the Wisconsin-based electronic medical records provider may be the largest bootstrapped software company operating today. eClinicalWorks was founded in 1999 when the mantra was get big fast, and many of its contemporaries crashed and burned. By focusing on excelling at the dull, yet profitable work of managing clinical data, the company survived and now employs more than 4,000 workers and generates $320 million in annual revenue. Unity became a backbone of the mobile gaming industry by focusing on all of the unsexy aspects of game development, like cross-platform compatibility and bump mapping. They went years without raising capital, but now have a valuation over $1.5 billion, and are more successful than the majority of branded game startups. GitHub took the pain out of version control and became a critical part of the tech ecosystem before raising capital. Qualtrics started as a tool to administer surveys for schools and businesses in a basement in Utah and now employs 1,000 and rakes in $100 million a year, profitably. Blessed are the unfundable Sometimes raising capital is almost impossible. Weve seen companies with tens of millions in revenue, triple-digit growth rates and other advantages struggle to raise even small amounts of money. Fortunately, these startups tend to prevail in the end, despite this apparent disadvantage. Atlassian: One of the benefits of building a startup outside Silicon Valley, NYC, LA or Boston is that there isnt much VC available. This may sound like a curse; after all, how could it be helpful to have no access to capital? It can be a blessing in disguise. This kind of isolation prevents you from daydreaming about what youd do with millions of dollars and forces you to make happy the paying customers you do have. Atlassian, based in Australia, bootstrapped its way to a $4 billion market cap. If it had easier access to funding, they might have found themselves chasing low-quality growth and gone under before they figured out how to scale efficiently. You dont need permission from funders to found and scale a startup. Campaign Monitor: One of the odd features of capital-efficient companies is that their first rounds of funding tend to be eye-popping sums that look more like proceeds from IPOs. This is the case for Campaign Monitor, whose first round of funding amounted to $250 million. Sydney-based Campaign Monitor didnt have easy access to venture capital, so they bootstrapped the business and built a unique technology that offered superior email analytics to companies like Disney, Coca-Cola and Buzzfeed. Time will tell if raising a quarter billion dollars helps or hurts the company, but it is certainly a validation of the progress theyve made so far. The Trade Desk: While he had a unique view of how to power the programmatic advertising industry, founder Jeff Green started The Trade Desk late in the funding cycle for modern adtech. This overcapitalization of the market, combined with investors getting burned by bad performers, made every round of funding a struggle throughout the life of the company. Green was a consummate startup CEO, who raised only $26.4 million in venture capital during the companys first six years and turned it into a billion-dollar business traded on the NASDAQ. How? By embracing the constraints of having less capital, focusing on the highest return activities and building a culture of innovation powered by ideas rather than infusions of capital. (Disclosure: Founder Collective is an investor in The Trade Desk.) VCs arent perfect, and even the best miss out on ideas that seem like sure things. It is shocking how common it is to hear founders talk about how they couldnt sell investors on an idea that went on to become a billion-dollar business. AppLovin founder Adam Foroughi sold his business for $1.4 billion, but found it hard to raise venture capital, even with serious revenue. I couldnt find anyone to give us an investment at what I thought was a reasonable starting point valuation (maybe $4 million or $5 million) and, by the end of our first year of operations, we were profitable and doing over $1 million a month in revenue. The rest, as they say, is history. Takeaway: Avoid designing your business around VC Too many founders orient their businesses around venture capital from day one. Startups used to figure stuff out and then ask for money. Today, they ask for money to figure things out. Outside of drug discovery or aeronautical hardware, this is usually the wrong decision. In fact, making progress without resources is the best way to get VCs to take an interest in your company. The companies mentioned above chose not to raise money for protracted periods of time, but when they did, they had their pick of investors and could set the terms. Our advice isnt to try to bootstrap a business in perpetuity. Venture capital has powered nearly every major tech company from Apple to Zappos. Just remember that you dont need a penny to get started. You dont need permission from funders to found and scale a startup. So the next time a VC tells you they pass, remember these three principles: Its possible to get a tech-enabled business off the ground with no capital. Its feasible to scale a tech business rapidly with very little capital. Its often in the founders best interest to limit the amount of capital they take. If you know of some other companies that self-funded their way to an extraordinary outcome, please let me know.
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