#this would be a nightmare to tag in all variants so im just leaving as is

[slavhew]

fem shinzaya dynamic to me. sorry.

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Episode 5 Incoherent Thoughts

Spoilers for Loki episode 5. And also my fic, Scattered to the Wind, because holy shit.

My stomach hurts, guys

I've been texting my best friend about this upcoming episode all day. I'd say I was getting progressively more unhinged, but I definitely started out unhinged and fluctuated from there.

Oh my GOD the title is making me feel better already

Oh god never mind I'm scared again after the recap and the haunting intro music

FUCK THAT ONE TEAR ON LOKI'S FACE

SHIT WAIT DID HE TIME SLIP I BET HE TIME SLIPPED

NO HE WENT TO THE PIE ROOM ;.;

FUCK YES HE DID TIME SLIP

OH MONKEY FUCK

THE TIME SLIPS ARE SHORTER

OH MY GOD I'VE FOR SURE HAD A NIGHTMARE LIKE THIS WHERE EVERYTHING TURNS TO SPAGHETTI THAT'S HORRIFYING

NO NOT THE CLOCK TICKING

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE IN CAPS THIS EP ISN'T IT

I'LL TELL YOU, THE SAME THING HAPPENED IN EP 5 OF LAST SEASON. I TOOK NOTES ALL IN CAPS TOO

YES CASEY'S IN JAIL I WAS FUCKING RIGHT PLEASE BE ALCATRAZ sorry spoilers for Scattered to the Wind

OH MY GOD WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT FUCKING ALL OF THIS

WAS THAT A BOAT

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT I WAS FUCKING RIGHT I WAS FUCKING RIGHT

FUCK NOW PEOPLE ARE GONNA READ IT AND BE ALL "UM ACTUALLY IT WAS 1962 NOT 1935" AND IM GONNA BE ALL "UM ACTUALLY I FUCKING CALLED THIS ENTIRE THING SO STOW IT"

GUT US LIKE FISH

LOKI

OKAY I GOT THE NAME WRONG BUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE

YES MOBIUS GIMME

NO LAME FUCK OFF MARVEL

SIX YEARS OFF FOR B-15 I SWEAR TO GOD IF HER NAME IS ANN I'LL LOSE IT

WRONG PLACE BUT I UNDERSTAND. ACCENT, AND I PUT HER IN LONDON BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS IN AMERICA

UGH SHE'S SO GOOD AND SHE'S A PEDIATRICIAN I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT TOO

BUT SHE'S IN NEW YORK IN 2012 WHAT MONTH IS IT BECAUSE SHE MIGHT KNOW LOKI

MOBIUS YES HOLY SHIT

DON FUCKING DON DO NOT GIVE ME YOUR LAST NAME PLEASE I MEAN I SHIP THORKI SO FANONICALLY I'LL BE FINE WITH IT BUT LIKE EVEN MARVEL WOULDN'T DO THAT RIGHT

NO NOT THE CHILDREN PLEASE LET THAT BE THE FICTIONAL PART

YES MIDWEST BUT WRONG STATE AND WAY WRONG YEAR [I! HAVE! THEORIES! THOUGH!]

MOBIUS HONEY SELL THE MAN A DIRT BIKE MORE JET SKIS FOR YOU

I'M CRYING ABOUT THE COMPARISON BETWEEN LOKI AND THE INFLATABLE GUY OH MY GOD THAT WAS PERFECT

That face was not good enough

Okay the slow walk and stare was perfect though

Wait I just remembered I screenshotted a bingo card for this episode specifically wait I'm gonna be a ball of anxiety and procrastinate and see if I got any squares yet I'll play it in a sec.

God Don is doing to Loki what Mobius did to OB in episode 1. Mo it's okay to tell someone you don't recognize them when they recognize you. It makes the interaction afterward way less awkward and a lot easier.

Fuck what's wrong with your son why doesn't he talk to his mom/dad/parent FUCK I HOPE HIS MOM DIDN'T JUST DIE THAT WOULD BE SO SHITTY

THAT LYING BITCH

THAT ASSHOLE IN THE LOKIUS TAG AFTER EPISODE ONE WHAT A LYING BITCH [No I have a thought though, and I'm sure someone else has had it by now.]

MOBIUS TALK TO YOUR KIDS HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD

WAIT

IF IT'S BILLY AND TOMMY I'LL FUCKING SCREAM

NO LOKI

OH MY GOD WAS I RIGHT ABOUT EVERYONE

RIGHT STATE WRONG TIME IF HE'S A PROFESSOR I'LL SHIT MYSELF

OH BABY MY DARLING

I LIKE THIS BETTER

AWW

SOMEHOW I LOVE HIM MORE

THE POSIT ITS. OB!!!!

IS THAT THE LOOM

THE LINES FROM THE TRAILER

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

IF SYLVIE'S IN BROXTON AND HAS FORGOTTEN SHE CAN DO MAGIC I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO

I SWEAR TO GOD YOU GUYS I DIDN'T WATCH THIS EPISODE UNTIL NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

THIS IS SO WEIRD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

OH MY GOD IT'S NOT THE LOOM IT'S HIS WORKSHOP

HE'S STAYING SO LONG

OH MY GOD IS HIS REAL WHY GONNA BE BECAUSE HE LOVES MOBIUS? I'LL DIE

YES OB I WROTE THIS WE JUST TAKE BRAD OUT OF THE EQUATION AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT

SO I WAS GONNA SAY IRISH BOYS, KEVIN AND SEAN, BUT

BUT SEAN JUST ASKED FOR A DOG AND A SNAKE

THIS MAN IS AN ODIN VARIANT THE KIDS ARE LOKI AND THOR I DON'T LIKE THIS I DON'T LIKE IT HERE I WANT TO LEAVE

Baby Loki would have absolutely played with matches he stole

Baby Thor loves snakes

Take me back to before I was afraid of who Mobius was gonna be when I thought he was Theo and that was the end of it. Take me back even to when I thought he might be Loki but he was married so we might've actually gotten a Sigyn variant. Take me back to when I thought he might be Sigyn and his wife the Loki variant. Hell, take me back to an hour ago when I thought I was just gonna ship another version of thorki. This is a terrible theory.

Loki my god you are terrible at talking to your amnesiac love interest

MOBIUS I THOUGHT YOU SAID ON THE MARKET FOR A SECOND AND I FREAKED

MOBIUS OH MY GOD STOP TRYING TO SELL PEOPLE JET SKIS AND THOSE ARE YOURS

HE REMEMBERS WORD FOR WORD WHAT MOBIUS SAID

YOU GUYS I HAD TO LOOK THAT UP FOR THE FIC TO GET IT RIGHT AND HE RECITES IT WORD FOR FUCKING WORD OFF THE CUFF

AND THAT'S WHEN I STARTED CRYING

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES BEFORE HE CALLS THE COPS I HATE THIS

IT'S OKAY OB YOU'RE GONNA MEET CASEY SOON HOLY SHIT THOUGH I'D CALL 18 MONTHS FAST AND HOW DID YOU FIND HIM

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO SYLVIE

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES HE HAS CHILDREN WHO DON'T HAVE A MOM

You can MOVE the time doors??

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES

ALSO WHERE THE FUCK IS SYLVIE

SPACE NAME

OH MY GOD THERE SHE IS, IN BROXTON JUST LIKE I SAID

OKAY THANK GOD

OH MY GOD THERE'S BRAD

YES HE SAID IT HE WANTS HIS FRIENDS BACK HE HAS FRIENDS HE'S NEVER HAD FRIENDS AND NOW HE DOES I'M NOT CRYING I WASN'T CRYING TWO HOURS AGO WHEN I WAS SHOUTING HE HAS FRIENDS NOW IN MY CAR I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE

I'M FUCKING BAWLING WHO AM I KIDDING

SYLVIE IT'S OKAY FOR HIM TO WANT FRIENDS IT'S OKAY FOR HIM TO HAVE FRIENDS THAT'S NOT SELFISH THAT'S BEING A PERSON

CASEY SHUT UP AND JUST FLIRT WITH HIM

LOKI NO DARLING

DUDE YOU SAID THAT LIKE YOU'RE SELLING HER DRUGS

SYLVIE

YEAH WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN GIRL

CASEY

OB NO

MOBIUS, B-15

SYLVIE

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THE FUCKING BLIP AGAIN

TIME LOOP FUCK THIS

FUCK NO FUCK THIS

NO NO

OH HE MEANT HIM OH THANK GOD I THOUGHT HE WAS ABOUT TO GO ALL SYLKI ON ME

LOKIIIIIIIIIIIII YESSSSSSSSSS <3