#this world is leeching the concept of 'good' from me

[ashes-in-a-jar]

I haven't thought much about Jonathan Sims for long enough that I kinda feel like I've started thinking about him a little more divorced of the emotional attachment I might have had once. Because I just saw a post lamenting his slow descent into inhumanity and losing his identity, becoming the archivist rather than Jonathan Sims, losing his friends, his house, everything he loves.

But is that true? That put upon head archivist persona he had in the beginning, was that really him? The way I see it, real life has already leached him of any identity he might have had, he didn't really have friends, Tim and Sasha clearly weren't, as we saw in their season 5 recording. He chose to make them his subordinates over beib friends, pushed away Georgie, he became so desperate for approval that he agreed to take a job he clearly has no idea how to do, let his stress over it isolate him from everyone around him, had a desperate need to assert himself in the beginning of every recording as 'head archivist of the Magnus institute london'. Forget about even having a home, he often slept in his office for heaven's sake.

The way I see it, this story is about him finding himself, finding the perfect place for himself in this already doomed world that was already strangling him and everyone around him. He became the Archivist, no longer needing to connect himself to some godforsaken capitalistic institute to identify himself. found his role, he enjoyed its power, even admitted to it. He found love. He found purpose in trying to save the world. In the end he was surrounded with the friends he made along the way (as friendly as they could be under the circumstances). He was finally allowed to make real choices, have true responsibility over himself and not be some tired corporate worker, part of a tired pointless system. Sure his choices weren't that great, and getting there was through outside manipulation and his own ignorance and he had to suffer immensely and pay an awful price of what we like to call his "humanity" but he Became and found what we all look for - his calling.

"It's still me" he says in the last episode. Because he is. He lost nothing and gained everything. Even dying in his lover's arms.

Forget about being human. In the end Jon achieves apotheosis and truly becomes Jonathan Sims

[theorist-fox]

The concept of Bad Man Simon Riley who's aware he's a Bad Man™️ is one I hold very dear to me.

Masterlist 🦊

Simon Riley is, fully and completely, what people envision as a bad man. He's a convoluted character who carries a lot of baggage, and that same weight has crushed him into the beast he is today.

His reflection is his constant reminder of the bad things he's done and endured. And when you have such a blatant, ever-present memento of how dark you really are, it's hard to forget.

He doesn't bother putting up a facade. Won't help the lady cross the street, nor will he take a bullet for someone else. No one has ever done that for him, so it's only natural to give the world a taste of its own medicine. He doesn't even try; it just happens.

It takes him nothing to leave Soap behind in Las Almas and find shelter in an abandoned church. Sure, he'll cover for him—if the lad is fast enough, that is. Saving Alejandro afterwards is a mere ploy to make this blasted mission end sooner—true, no one fights alone, but he'd like to get out of there as soon as possible, thank you very much.

Barely brushes the concept of Price's injury when he faints due to the inhalation of some Sarin gas of sorts. Can only think that if he'd died, he would have to take the captain's place in leading the operation. A fucking bummer alright—but cap's fine, thankfully, right? One less thing to worry about now.

Won't try to start relationships, because what good can he bring when he can't even drop a kind word for himself? He's awful, inside and out, and he's aware.

What happens, then, when he's suddenly loved?

What happens, then, when you're sliding under his skin, pretending you don't see the rot and the grime?

The question of "why" is pinned to the front of his brain like an annoying leech that plagues him day and night.

On the couch, you're absolutely unbothered by his dark presence next to you. You're just munching on popcorn and watching some film he doesn't even remember the name of.

"Y'should go," he says out of the blue.

You barely spare him a glance. "Film's not over yet."

No, that isn't what he meant, but he has an inkling that you've gathered that already.

"Ain't good for ya," he insists. "Ain't good for anyone, but that's a whole 'nother story."

You side-eye him from your end of the couch. "Self-deprecating at dinner time? Could you move it up the schedule a little, like—breakfast or somethin'."

He doesn't understand. Won't get through his skull. Share a home with him, and for what? What's he giving you that you're coveting so hard, enough to find it easy to snark back at a beast like him—poking the bear while wearing flimsy cotton shorts and a band t-shirt?

"Y'don't understand," he grits out. "I ain't a good man, love."

"Oh, I know." You say, popping a handful of popcorns in your mouth. "And?"

It irks him. Wants to bite off your head, but, surprisingly, he still has morals, and he wouldn't even dare touch you with ill intent.

"Don't act stupid, now." He warns.

"Ain't acting stupid." You reply as if there is some obvious thing he isn't getting. "You've done bad things, and bad things were done to you. That it?"

He hums as a frown paints his face.

"Should I love you less?" You go on, "Or not love you at all?"

"The latter."

"Wrong." You add as soon as he responds. "Wrong, because that's what you believe, not the truth."

He cocks a brow at your apparent arrogance. A nod in your direction, "What's the truth, then?"

You place the bucket of popcorn on the coffee table. "Truth is that you're human, Simon."

Now that's a word he wouldn't associate with himself.

Monster. Beast. Bear. Wraith, or demon. Ghost.

"As a person, good and bad can coexist—there is no such thing as night and day." You go on, seemingly unaware of the turmoil you've unleashed on his poor heart.

Keep saying the word person around him this often, and he'll start believing he is one.

So, you have seen the rotten flesh and the mud coating his insides. You have buried your hands in his viscera and coated your skin with his blood and the one he's spilled.

You know, and yet you're here. You're here because you've also seen something else, something he's not aware is there.

Same thing that made his heart lurch when Price wasn't waking up. Same thing that made him hide, prone in the bell tower of a Mexican church, making sure Soap would get back in one piece.

Same thing that has him gaze at you now, with eyes that sting with clear, fresh water. No rotting liquid, no oozing pus, or sickening blood.

You shrug, "Maybe your sun is a little eclipsed, but there's that. I can still see it, y'know?"

You outstretch your leg. Press the tips of your toes against his thigh. The world is suddenly in technicolor, and his chest warms like a rekindled flame.

You wink. "And it's bright as hell, too."

[xjulixred45x]

I'm really screwed and honestly won't be able to work on requests for a while, but I guess that doesn't stop me from sharing some concepts from my most recent hyperfixation: Twisted Wonderland, especially one that I really like.

IMAGINE A YUU (TWST) WHO IS LIKE HIMIKO TOGA

Obviously it remains that this Yuu doesn't have magic, however, she does have many of the problems and history of the original Toga (having an unspecified mental illness, not having support from her parents, developing bad habits to mask said "defects", being excluded, etc).

so when the carriage comes and transports her to TWST, she has a way of handling the situation that is quite... unusual.

don't get me wrong, I don't think Himiko! Yuu would want to stay (yet), she would still want to go back to what she knows, she doesn't want to feel abandoned by her own world now, but she handles the situation much better than one would thought.

She would definitely be fascinated with beast-like or strong-willed students (or protectors, that's probably why she likes Adeuce so much), and since her more extravagant habits aren't frowned upon in TWST, the intrusive thoughts start to dig deeper.

Especially if Himiko!Yuu also has her hyperfixation with blood. Not just any blood, blood from people she loves a lot, that she admires and aspires to be like...

If we go to general reactions on this matter:

There are those who are obviously worried about why the hell Yuu wanted to drink BLOOD? Did a vampire bite them? Did Grim give them rabies? ARE THEY OK??!

Even if they accept that Yuu is just... eccentric, I don't see them accepting the proposition, either because of the hygiene issue or simply not having the stomach for blood (characters like Idia, Trey, Riddle, Ruggie, Vil, Jamil, etc).

There are also those who are in between, yes, they don't understand, but they are somewhat curious, more so when Yuu goes deeper into the emotional meaning this has for her, which makes them think about it a bit...

They may or may not be convinced, but it would have to be done in a VERY good way, and if Yuu manages to do it, it will make them brush their mouths at least 3 times afterwards (Azul, Kalim, Leona, etc.)

NOW, here are those who match Yuu's level of freak, those who when she asks if she can drink his blood, practically extend their arm to her, with a syringe, and tell her with a smile to take her time.

For them, it's the ultimate display of affection! Not only because of Yuu's own explanation (which they find disturbingly novel), but because it's their equivalent of being part of each other, completely on board! (Malleus, Lilia, Rook, the leech Twins)

I hope i can't write more like this when i get better :D

_______________

(ESPAÑOL)

estoy hecha mierda y sinceramente no podre trabajar en las peticiones por un tiempo, pero supongo que eso no evita que pueda compartir algunos conceptos de mi mas reciente hiperfijacion: Twisted Wonderland, en especial una que me gusta mucho.

IMAGINEN UNA YUU QUE ES COMO HIMIKO TOGA

obviamente se mantiene que está Yuu no tiene magia, sin embargo, si tiene muchos de los problemas e historia de la Toga original (tener una enfermedad mental no especificada, no tener apoyo de sus padres, desarrollar malos habitos para enmascarar dichos "defectos", ser excluida, etc).

por lo que cuando el carruaje viene y la transporta a TWST, tiene una forma de manejar la situación bastante...inusual.

no me malentiendas, no creo que Himiko! Yuu quisiera quedarse (aun), ella aun querria volver con lo que ella conoce, no quiere sentirse abandonada ahora por su propio mundo, pero maneja la situación mucho mejor de lo que uno pensaba.

ella definitivamente estaria facinada con los estudiantes con apariencia de bestia o con caracter fuerte (o protectores, probablemente por eso le gustaria mucho Adeuce), y gracias a que sus hábitos mas extravagantes no son mal vistos en TWST, los pensamientos intrusivos empiezan a cavar mas profundo.

especialmente si Himiko!Yuu tambien tiene su hiperfijacion por la sangre. no sangre cualquiera, sangre de gente a la que ella quiera mucho, que ella admire y aspire a ser...

si vamos a reacciones generales al respecto:

Estan los que obviamente estan preocupados de porque diablos Yuu queria tomar SANGRE? ¿les mordio un vampiro?¿Grim les contagio la rabia? ¿¿¡SE ENCUENTRAN BIEN??!

includo si ellos aceptan que Yuu es solo...excentrica, no los veo aceptando la proposicion, ya sea por el tema de la higiene o simplemente no teniendo el estomago para la sangre (personajes como Idia, Trey, Riddle, Ruggie, Vil, Jamil, etc).

también estan los que son un intermedio, si, no entienden, pero tienen cierta curiosidad, mas cuando Yuu profundiza en el significado emocional que tiene esto para ella, lo que hace que piensen un poco en eso...

pueden o no ser convencidos, pero tendria que ser de manera MUY buena, y si Yuu lo logra, les hara cepillarse la boca al menos 3 después (Azul, Kalim, Leona, etc)

AHORA, aqui estan los que igualan el nivel de freak de Yuu, los que cuando ella pregunta si puede beberse su sangre, prácticamente le extienden el brazo, con una jeringa, y diciendole con una sonrisa que se tome su tiempo.

para ellos ¡es la maxima muestra de afecto! no solo por la propia explicación de Yuu (la cual encuentran comnovedora de forma perturbadora), sino porque es su equivalente a formar parte uno del otro ¡completamente a bordo! (Malleus, Lilia, Rook, los gemelos Leech)

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

[3lliesan]

Yuu being a menace.

People like to present Yuu as the one stable braincell of the group, the normal, the sane one, the one that avoids trouble most of the time despite being dragged into it either way.

Now, I present to you,

An example of a magnificent alternative, displayed through the one and only, Wim- Ace Trappola. The cringelord himself that would follow the Prefect till' the ends of the earth.

-_+_-

+In a fight with a horde of enemies+

Jack: It's getting quite crowded. We need to figure out how to deal with this horde if we want to move to the next objective...

Yuu: Ah, I get it now.

Jack: You've got a plan?

The Usually Stoic Yuu, smiling peacefully:

I just need to kill everything, right?

Ace: Wipe that grin off your face.

-_+_-

Exhibit B:

Ace: I'm pretty sure if you had magic in the opening ceremony, you'd be put into Savanaclaw.

Yuu, looking at him like they just got praised: Because I can clock someone real good?

Ace: Because you're stubborn as hell about not taking in common sense!

-+-+-

I just think it's funny to think about mister Ace, the man, the myth, the local troublemaker that gets collared at least twice a month, complaining about keeping Yuu in check because, "somebody needs to keep an eye on that walking disaster."

(Spoiler alert: No one asked him to do it, blud will not be heard.)

The dynamic of Adeuyuu would be:

Dense Dumbass (deuce)

Sneaky Dumbass (Ace)

and Proud Dumbass that people assume has a functional braincell (Yuu)

But if we're just talking about Aceyuu, it would be more-

Guess who Ace is? He's the troublemaker, right?

H A H !

Nah, it's the one that either gets away with it most of the time, or gets caught in the most traumatizing shit on the regular that they've been desensitized to it all at this point.(Both are Yuu) Keep it up, and Ace might just have gray hair by the end of the year via Yuu being a professional bullshitter that takes no fucks from anyone within vincity.

The teachers are between scolding Yuu to hell and back because they're the no.1 migraine producer in the school, or giving them a hug with some hot chocolate because of the amount of shit this lil' guy went through.(+ the fact that they're one of the few students in the school that knows how to be surprisingly respectful voluntarily.)

Back on ACEYUU!

It's a pretty big change for Ace, the one usually leeching off the junior treatment from upperclassmen and being the mischievous lil' bro to everyone most of the time. Despite how crazy every second something involving Yuu is, being the one to take care of someone else for a change... somehow feels natural.

For anyone else, of course not, but if it's with Yuu? It's something that he does before having the chance to think.

He feels like he signed a deal with the devil sometimes though... one that looks harmless and airheaded most of the time, but still one without a single sane bone in their body nonetheless.

Mr Trappola wouldn't change it for the world, though. And everyone knows it! ;)

----------------------------------------

(PS: I'm pretty sure the same concept with Deuce instead of Ace would be interesting as well, but hey, people can always ASK for another character dynamic analysis with my Yuu if my impulses don't get to me first-)

[deezee112]

Concept twst AU Squid Game

( Before you guys read this, let me tell you that English is not my first language. If I type something wrong, you can tell me and I will fix it. )

P.S. MC is clearly written as a woman, height, history, and personality, but does not specify physical appearance.

GN!MC

First of all, this AU takes place in a timeline before MC enters the twst world, so I think it would be interesting that before MC meets them in the twst world, MC meets them in the real world first.

And another interesting thing for me is that in the world of twst, they are rich, have a good status, and have a stable job. But in the real world, they have a lot of debt and are poor. (ruggie is still as poor as ever)

I think when MC came to play this game, it was because of the debt he had, maybe from his family or whatever he wanted.

But I think MC has some history similar to 120 (I can't remember her name) that she used to be a special forces soldier So I think she might be several times taller than the average woman, maybe over 180, and might have a figure similar to a man.

And in this AU, Grim and ortho are humans, so I guess they also have debts.

I think this game timeline can be viewed in two ways as part 1 or part 2. So you can imagine that you are in part 1 or part 2.

And of course as I said MC is number 456.

And here are the debts they probably have ( me and my friend discussed this And I randomize the numbers so most of the numbers I randomize.).

Riddle Rosehearts

Player : 101

Debt : Financial ruin after trying to uphold impossible standards as a perfectionist lawyer.

Trey Clover

Player : 277

Debt : Financial ruin after trying to uphold impossible standards as a perfectionist lawyer.

Cater Diamond

Player : 345

Debt : Overspending on his fake social media persona left him bankrupt.

Ace Trappola

Player : 089

Debt : Lost everything gambling after being scammed by friends.

Deuce Spade

Player : 112

Debt : His desire to help his struggling family led him to loan sharks.

Leona Kingscholar

Player : 150

Debt : Reckless spending and failed investments drained his family’s fortune.

Ruggie Bucchi

Player : 223

Debt : Grew up in poverty and borrowed money to support his family but fell deeper into debt.

Jack Howl

Player : 309

Debt : Took on debts to pay for college but was unable to keep up with payments.

Azul Ashengrotto

Player : 175

Debt : His once-successful luxury food business collapsed under competition, leaving him with unpaid loans.

Jade Leech

Player : 051

Debt : Co-signed Azul’s loans and got dragged into the fallout.

Floyd Leech

Player : 052

Debt : Recklessly spent money on gambling and lost big.

Kalim Al-Asim

Player : 304

Debt : His once-wealthy family was conned out of their fortune, leaving him penniless.

Jamil Viper

Player : 174

Debt : Took on Kalim’s debts to protect him but is bitter about the situation.

Vil Schoenheit

Player : 091

Debt : Fell from fame due to scandals and lawsuits, losing everything.

Epel Felmier

Player : 333

Debt : Family farm went bankrupt, and he took on loans to try saving it.

Rook Hunt

Player : 404

Debt : Spent exorbitant amounts pursuing his artistic hobbies, leading to financial ruin.

Idia Shroud

Player : 012

Debt : Crippling gambling addiction tied to his love of online games.

Ortho Shroud (Human)

Player : 102

Debt : Ortho’s debt stems from medical bills, failed technological projects, and personal loans that he took out to try and keep his family business alive after their passing. These debts were exacerbated by his desperation

Malleus Draconia

Player : 065

Debt : Lost his family fortune due to mysterious circumstances, now a recluse.

Lilia Vanrouge

Player : 184

Debt : Took on debts trying to help others but was betrayed

Silver

Player : 217

Debt : Inherited debt from his family, despite trying to live modestly.

Sebek zigvolt

Player : 324

Debt : He owes a large sum of money to a powerful group that used his debts to manipulate and control him.

y/n

Player : 456

Debt : No personal debt but Need money to pay off family debts

Grim (Human)

Player : 067

Debt : Gambling addiction left him deeply in debt after losing his family’s inheritance

Che'nya

Player : 297

Debt : A combination of gambling debts and reckless investments in travel and lifestyle.

Neige LeBlanche

Player : 209

Debt : His extravagant lifestyle, including luxury purchases and costly beauty treatments, left him in crippling debt after his fame faded.

Rollo Flamme

Player : 315

Debt : Lost his fortune after an unsuccessful business venture in the entertainment industry, now trying to regain his family’s lost wealth.

Ernesto Foulworth

Player : 234

Debt : A high-stakes gambler with an obsession with luxury cars and expensive hobbies. His addiction led to his financial downfall.

Skully J Graves

Player : 103

Debt : A failed actor with mountains of debt after gambling away his small inheritance. His pursuit of fame turned into an obsession with keeping up appearances.

Imagine MC playing Six-Legged Pentathlon with Azul.

[merakiui]

Hi Meraaaa, 🦈 anon here, it's been a while!! How have you been?

I've been lurking in the shadows, but haven't been feeling in the Twst mood lately... Until the Mermaid Fin cards that is 🫣🫣 Neither of them came home sadly, but oml those groovies!!! They rly decided to feed us well after making us wait so long for them,,,

How dare they censor beloved eelussy though!!! Show us the goods if you were going to put Jade in that pose!! Speaking of Jade, I couldn't stop laughing at how he views Floyd and Azul, he's such a silly eel,,

That body swap concept with him sounds really fun!! I imagine at first he really didn't view you any differently from the others, but then you show some genuine interest in what he's doing in the Mountain Lovers Club and he falls in love instantly <33

🦈 ANON, HIII!!!! (≧ᗜ≦) I'm happy to hear from you again!! I hope you're doing well! As for myself, I've just recovered from a slight flu and so I'm feeling much better!!! Seeing the new eel groovies helped to heal my ailing spirit faster!! ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

Censoring eelussy....... (◞‸◟；) one can only imagine what lies behind those bubbles,,, aaaa Jade in that sort of position with such a callous expression!!!! I need him to drown me in the sea and eat my intestines. orz he's too perfect and so unexpectedly funny. Dream Floyd and Azul are immensely silly. To think that eel couldn't get even more amazing. AND HIS LAUGHTER!!!!! JADE LEECH, YOU ARE THE FUNNIEST EEL ON STAGE RIGHT NOW.

AAAA YES!!!! That's brilliant... Jade who sees you just like everyone else and only truly warms up when you show persistent and authentic interest in his hobbies. He is so cherished. 🥺 and then you learn just how much you light up his world when you're in his body and viewing everyone from Jade's eyes!!!

[harzilla]

I've been reading a lot of twst fanfics, now I can't stop getting ideas about crossover fics. Seriusly someone needs to do a crossover between twst and :

A school for good and evil ~ book series

This monster wants to eat me ~ manga (and anime soon)

Ancient magus bride ~ manga & anime

The way to protect the female leads older brother ~ manhwa & novel(I keep imagining this in a vampire au)

The secret world of Arrietty / Borrowers Au ~ movie

(anyone who didn't see/read these, highly recommend)

I totally feel you. You enjoy a series and wanna do a crossover? I'm all for it. Some great fanfic ideas start off as crossovers. I admit I haven't read or watched most of these except for Ancient Magus Bride and Arriety/Borrowers. Ancient Magus Bride and twst have a ton of potential if you like exploring the magic side.

Arriety could be fun. Imagine an MC that's a borrower. Borrower!MC living in ramshackle's walls. They could even be a separate person from Yuu all together. They meet up with Yuu and hide in their jacket pocket. Ending up in the place of the dormouse in the teapot during an unbirthday party. Being played with by Leona like the scene with Scar and the mouse. Floyd calling them Shrimpy because they're literally the size of a shrimp! Part 4 they actually escape first and track down the octotrio to help Yuu and Grim. Pretty brave for a tiny shrimp. The world of Twisted Wonderland and the story events from the eyes of somebody who's just a few inches tall. Maybe they even get to try being big one day thanks to some enchanted cookies like Alice.

A school of Good and Evil is one I haven't read but I had another anon ask about that idea too.

I did have a few other crossover ideas. But one of them plays with the self aware concept but Twst crossover with the 90's series ReBoot.

The animation is extremely dated and a product of its time but it gave use Hexadecimal, absolute Queen.

That series takes place inside a computer and the internet. Whenever the user would download the game, if anybody gets trapped inside they're forced to play the game as NPCs and if they lose the area the game was is destroyed and all the people who were trapped become leech like creatures called nulls. One of the characters AndrAIa who was originally a game sprite, even became a sentient being. The premises could easily be switched to a modern smartphone or somebody running a version on a desktop using a program like bluestack and the MC being a guardian like Bob or even a random citizen of the phone/computer. Twst gets downloaded and MC should just be one of the random NPCs you fight in the story but somehow things spiral out of control when the cast all start going off script.

There's one I would like to see explored more is Gargoyles. It could really explore the history of magic and magical beings when crossed over with Twst(Since Gargoyles liked to explore different cultures myths and mythological figures and gods. They had Fae, the Banshee, Anubis, Coyote, and Anansi for example). Imagine if you make the MC a Gargoyle. Them having to explain that their species just turns to stone during the day. Unless they're like the Mayan clan in the series who had Sun amulets that kept them from turning to stone.

I reblogged a while back DC crossover ideas where Yuu is some flavor of DC Superhero. Or even Marvel could be fun. It's easy enough to pick a very human looking characters but people shouldn't sleep on the less human looking characters like TT's Beastboy, F4's Thing, and X-Men's Beast or Colossus for example.

[wordpress-blaze-243750118]

Alamogordo Public Schools Celebrates Physical Education &amp; Sports Week, A Look Back in Alamogordo History

As Alamogordo Public Schools celebrates National Physical Education and Sports Week, AlamogordoTownNews.org looks back at the history of physical education as a part of the formal curriculum. The 1960's was a turning point in Alamogordo in establishing a formal PE curriculum. Coach Bob Sepulveda and a group of educators and coaches were invited to join APS in the 1960s to establish a formalized PE curriculum. Alamogordo Public Schools ranked as one of the top 10 best public school systems in the nation in the 60s. Paid more than most and recuited the best teachers from California, Colorado and New York at the time. Coach Sepulveda was brought to Alamogordo with a mission to go school to school and transition play ground time to a formal physical education program and that propelled him into creating a program that was a model for other school systems around the state and nation.

The catalyst to launch this program in Alamogordo and eventually around the nation, was propelled by the influence of the military, at the time, and by orders of President Kennedy.

According to Joel P. Rhodes, a Professor in the History Department of Southeast Missouri State University...

"President John Kennedy’s inability to move congress on one his signature issues – massive federal aid to education – indirectly led JFK to embrace The President’s Council on Physical Fitness, a program educating the nation’s children while making kids stakeholders in his vision of a New Frontier.

What began as a modest, and largely forgettable, Eisenhower initiative to close a fitness gap between affluent – meaning flabby – American children and their more Spartan – meaning muscular – communist counterparts in the Soviet Union, Kennedy made it unquestionably his own within weeks of taking office. The president’s more hands-on approach, plus consistent public identification with the council’s mission, breathed life into this physical education effort while at the same time further reinforcing his popular association with youthful athleticism.

Without the power to actually mandate a national exercise program, the President’s Council instead created a well-rounded curriculum which supplemented existing Physical Education in schools and the usual sports activities of youth organizations like the YMCA. Beginning in the 1961-1962 school years, the Kennedy council launched an extensive national publicity campaign promoting its fitness directives which included the president’s Marine-inspired, fifty-mile-hike-in-twenty-hour challenge, along with a number of memorable popular culture tie-ins.

Cartoonist Charles Schulz contributed “Snoopy’s Daily Dozen,” an exercise manual featuring Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang.

And then there was The Music Man composer Meredith Willson’s ubiquitous 1962 workout classic, the “Youth Fitness Song” (known to this generation as “Chicken Fat”). For untold millions of young athletes wearing canvass PF Flyers sneakers (known to later generations as Chuck Taylors), “Chicken Fat” – sung by Harold Hill himself, Robert Preston – echoed through cavernous gymnasiums via tinny public address systems to become the enduring soundtrack of grade school soft ball tosses and jumping jacks. “Push up. Every morning. Ten times! Once more on the rise,” Preston’s infectious Broadway-style cadence went, “Nuts to the flabby guys! Go, you chicken fat, go away!”

Youthful enthusiasm and broad buy-in generated by the President’s Council were childhood’s answer to Kennedy’s grander challenges: asking what you can do for your country, paying any price, bearing any burden, supporting any friend, and opposing any foe."

For junior citizens with limited means to wage Cold War, determined adherence to these prescriptive measures can be appreciated as a sort of sweat equity.

Thousands of children wrote Kennedy, keeping him abreast of their fitness regiments.

Back to Alamogordo, Coach Bob Sepulveda and his assisting coaches would go school to school and work with faculty and administrators and implement a formal PE program based upon the presidential blueprint outlined in the presidents council on physical fitness.

The reality is Alamogordo Public Schools since its founding, assumed a role of state leadership in competive sports clubs.   

Alamogordo, New Mexico Public Schools Was an Early Interscholastic Sport Program Adoptee

Alamogordo High School began an organized sports program in 1912 for Caucasian boys offering PE, Track & Field and Basketball and Football. It integrated sports programs with Hispanic kids in thr mid 1940s, and African American kids in 1950. 

Beginning in 1913, the authorities of the University of New Mexico believing that one of the great needs of the High Schools of the state was an opportunity to meet, at least once a year in athletic and other contests, organized the University of New Mexico Track Athletic Association. A track meet was held in the spring of that year at Albuquerque, and two high schools, Santa Fe and Albuquerque contested for the banner.

Although the beginning was small, a great deal of interest from across the state was aroused.

Alamogordo High School first competed snd won its first state athletic medals in 1916/17 School Year.

The wins were in Track and Field via the High Jump and the Triple Jump. The system also sent a debate team to compete as that was considered a sport at the time. Alamogordo's sports program from 1916 forward grew and set the standard for the state. 

By the 1960's the logical next step was to implement a curriculum of physical education per the Kennedy mandate. Educators, such Coach Bob Sepulveda took the bull by the horns implementing curriculum, upgrading facilities, launching the state of the art track and field, and creating a legacy of one of the winningest programs in state competitions. 

By the early 70's, with title 9 requiring equal funding for women sports, Coaches such a Marilyn Sepulveda (First State President of Track and Field Coaches Association) , Debbie Scott (Alamogordo graduate and First Womens State Champion Volleyball) and others, girls entered into the fold of formal physical education programs and formal competition.

On the back of that history, beginning in 1916, expanding to the 1960s and 70s, under the foundational influence of the Coaches, Rolla Buck of the 50s, the Sepulveda's from the 60s thru 90s, the sports and physical education programs of today exists.

This weekend Alamogordo Sports will again make history sending competitors to Albuquerque to compete in state competitions in track and field, golf and more. 

Stay tuned to see the success comtinue...

More News from Alamogordo

AG Raúl Torrez Joins Lawsuit to Protect AmeriCorps, Ruidoso Program at RiskRuidoso project at risk with proposed AmeriCorps cuts. 

New Mexico Officials Encourage Use of 5-3-1 Visibility Method this Wildfire Season New Mexico Officials Encourage Use of 5-3-1 Visibility Method

Source: Alamogordo Public Schools Celebrates Physical Education &amp; Sports Week, A Look Back in Alamogordo History

[cassandra-knows]

Ff

As a Millennial I was scarred by having my formative political years coincide with the rise of Dubya.

I didn't think anyone could possibly be thick enough to vote him in. And they didn't-! But he was escorted over the line by others in power, went on to miss a devastating attack on home soil and used it to start a war for oil, THEN GOT ELECTED FOR REAL ON THAT RECORD. All while coming across as a total nitwit.

Since I was in middle school I have been dumbfounded by what Republicans will steal in broad daylight and browbeat everyone into shifting the overton window to accept. No one called foul on them. No one EVER calls foul on them.

You can go all the way back to America's Original Sin and see the exact same pattern that has repeated over and over and over again. A small group of wealthy people pitch a fit about a policy that would hamper their acquisition of more wealth and power, cloaking their greed in the language of religious righteousness or patrotism or paternalism or fearmongering, and the rest of the people with wealth and power may talk a good game about equity and justice but at the end of the day they have far more in common with their fellow parasites so they agree to carve out an exception for them. But the wealth addicts have no concept of 'enough', only 'more' so they spend a few decades learning to exploit the status quo and when they hit that ceiling that bust through it increasingly brazen audacity and act like they're the victims, or they're entitled to it, or God promised it to them, or just WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, HUH? Actually ousting and defanging these leeches would risk the whole country coming undone. (WOULD IT THOUGH?! Maybe now, but that's because it's been left to fester for so long!!!) So we'll pretend this coup/ethnic cleansing/fraud on the people doesn't actually count. But just this once! Just the one time. We'll definitely get serious and punish the next person who tries something really bad.

When I was a teen I was appalled by everything about the War On Terror. I couldn't understand why my fellow youths weren't marching in the streets. Our parents were former hippies, what happened to that spark?! The apathy was deafening. It broke something in me: I felt so helpless.

Now I know why they didn't march. Because the hippies were always a minority counter culture, and the rest bought into Greed Is Good, this is how the world works so you better learn to play the game. Even my former hippie dad was adamant that I needed to learn the game in order to look after myself. As a generation Millennials were told a lie about how to secure our futures, and certainly older Millennials bought it. If the global economy hadn't crashed in 2008, it we'd been allowed the same advantages as our parents, we would be just as insufferable as the worst Boomers.

I worry that the decades of zero options, zero hope, zero money, have fostered that apathy. We literally couldn't go anywhere or do anything because that requires money. Many of us still live hand to mouth. I've half-joked for years that our generation's retirement plan is going to have to be to dismantle capitalism, but it becomes truer every day.

The system is working as designed. We are all too tired, too poor, too anxious, too sick, or too scared to take any risks. We're all one car failure or health incident away from penury. We keep hoping someone will go marching in on our behalf and sort things out, clean up the mess, provide some relief, be the adult in the room.

There are no adults here but us.

Do we deserve to call ourselves adults if we won't take a stand for something that really matters?

Adulting didn't have to be hard. America didn't have to be hard. Other people made them hard and convinced us that was the right and proper way to do things.

We're burned out and barely hanging on for whose benefit? The gerontocracy that refuses to let go of power, but WILL die sooner than they want to accept? The shareholders who are addicted to making money, even though they could never spend it all in a human lifespan?

I don't think I'm the immature one here. I'm not the snowflake who has a tantrum when someone suggests I share the toys I stole. If I'm sent to the corner I don't call the other kids liars who are out to get me. I don't crap myself in public or fall asleep at my own trial. And I'm not dumb enough to believe it when a kid covered in chocolate tells me he's never taken any pudding but if he did that would be fine because he deserves pudding and he should definitely be given more pudding now.

America is being held hostage by squalling toddlers.

No one is coming to save us but us.

We are the adults in the room, if we act like it.

[ryuzakemo128]

I hear the train a-comin', it's rolling 'round the bend

Pairing: Joel Miller x Hitman! Australian! Female Reader

Content warnings: Graphic deaths, established relationship (aka Joel is aware of her), swearing, betrayal, age gap? (reader is 31 and Joel is 40+ years old). No mention of y/n.

Words: 684

Masterlist

Credit for dividers (& template): @cafekitsune

Note: Female reader is read to be tall, aiming to at least 6 feet 4 inches tall, possibly taller if you wish to view it that way. Boomer is your nickname in place of y/n.

Summary:

Hands that took lives even before the collapse of the world.

You killed enough to know how to get what you want without having the notion of guilt tearing up your insides.

The human mind is truly the most, if not one of the few, the scariest things of all. You are proof of the concept. Providing, killing, taking, and giving. One murdered man here and a life saved there. All given by the same hand.

Hands that took lives even before the collapse of the world.

You killed enough to know how to get what you want without having the notion of guilt tearing up your insides.

Heartless? To some, you might be.

To others, you are selfless as they come.

Perhaps rough around the edges with a distant, cold stare.

One that couldn’t care less whether you would be alive or dead tomorrow.

Deeming yourself ‘dead’ already and everything now is a fever dream.

“You enjoy talking about things you know nothing about. Pathetic, really, it makes me wonder what self-gaslighting it took to make yourself believe you were any better off than most others. Good for you. You fucked it up, now you have blood on your hands, and where did all of that bring you?”

“Right. Where. You. Belong.” each word a stab to his senses. You weren't going to take a betrayal from your supplier lightly. A mistake to get him involved. A mistake to think you wouldn't notice the change in his demeanour.

“Back to me”

The chill in the air was subtle enough to prove she wasn't fucking around any longer.

“One thing perturbs me, though. Like a leech, it won’t stop bothering me, did you or did you not acquire help from outside the confines of your trade routes?”

“Are you the reason five of us are now dead?” your pointed questions thrown out like they were bait to throw him off guard. Likely because of your upbringing. Can’t trust someone you don’t know, can you?

He couldn’t hear the trader’s responses, his answers to your questions. He silently hopes you choose to be somewhat merciful to the trader he undoubtedly double-crossed. Yet he knows who you are. What you are capable of.

You would have been a doctor, a forensic pathologist and a hitman. Dealing with death in both aspects. But now you’re something else. Something more.

Something he doesn’t know what the name of it is or if there was a name for what you were becoming.

Monster? Perhaps.

Murderer? Depending on the context.

Paranoid? To a certain degree, everyone is. Especially now.

A guttural scream, a gurgling sound of blood, betrayal was a betrayal. The five bodies were proof of the trader’s ignorance, according to you. Plunging your thumbs into the sockets of his eyes, worming their way down to the innermost core of his skull. Twisting his neck until the snap cut off his cries and his attempts to claw his way out of your strong grip.

The man stood no chance against a woman of your stature, your looming height is enough to prove it.

The question is now: Who are you really? What are you trying to prove?

The old world is gone.

What are you trying to prove?

The words echoed in the silence that followed the trader's demise.

The room was a tableau of horror, the smell of blood thick and metallic, a stark contrast to the cold, sterile environment of your former life.

The man's lifeless body slumped to the floor, a macabre testament to your ruthless efficiency. You stared at your blood-soaked hands, feeling a strange sense of detachment from the scene you'd just orchestrated.

'He deserved it.' you think. 'Five dead because of him.' Your heart was racing, but your mind remained eerily calm.

You took a step back, surveying the grisly scene with a cold, analytical eye. The trader's betrayal had been a mistake, one that would cost him everything.

You had no patience for traitors in this new world.

You had no patience for those who play with the lives of others.

A white sheet had been draped over the top of the body by the time Joel walked into the warehouse. Across from the body, ‘Dead men tell no tales. I'm watching. Always watching.’

[true-blue-sonic]

Good morning/ afternoon/ evening Blue :D

(for the hot take)

Honestly Sonic X is not as good as many people say. And not because of Chris (that for some reason gets a lot of hate). I just think that the concept is cool but the writing is messed up. Especially of some characters like Amy and Tails. Instead of Sonic's friends they made them his #1 fans😭 as if they wanted to make these characters annoying on purpose so that Sonic's the cool guy which really didn't make the show very enjoyable for me. But ofc it's sega

Good morning! ^-^

Strongly agree | Agree | Neutral | Disagree | Strongly disagree

I haven't watched Sonic X in ages, but I must readily admit that the first episode is one of my favourites... because Chris isn't in it for most of it, haha. (The actual most favourite is Defective Detectives and I just skip the part about the two worlds causing time to freeze or whatever lol.) I think that the whole premise inherently provides issues: naturally they'll want to give the humans attention (why else would they be created?), but that draws screentime away from the game characters, who I'm far more interested in. (Related to your statement, I think that is one of the reasons Chris is so disliked: he takes up roles that were filled by game characters, like at the end of the SA2 arc. Considering the fact X!Amy isn't the most charming of portrayals, a scene wherein she tells Shadow about how the world is good and people are inherently worth protecting could have shown a good side of her. But instead Chris got it, and I feel like people experience that as leeching a much-needed role from a character already not presented so well throughout the series.) And the incorporating of the game stories in the second season became rather messy, resulting in quite some unanswered questions (e.g. how Eggman was born on the human planet yet transported to Sonic's world and how Gerald managed to create an anthro hedgehog. Have those ever been addressed?). Furthermore, from what I remember, Sonic just spent a lot of time lazing around or doing his own thing before coming in at the end to help out. I don't think it's unfitting for him, but I agree that it feels like the other game characters thus often got the shaft to give Sonic his big hero moment.

But here I must once again reiterate that I just haven't watched it in ages and this is all from memory. I do enjoy puns and stuff and iirc the English show was riddled with them, so that's at least a point in its favour! :> But overall, I think I'd much rather have gotten an anime entirely about Sonic's world and the adventures to be had there, instead of incorporating the "real" world in it. But then also not how it was done in Season 3, with a lot of grimdarkness and stuff XD In that regard, I think the first season was "better" than the second: the stories were entirely original, whereas the second season was kind of "game plots but now with the humans put in them". I really enjoyed watching X when I first became a fan (it greatly helped with my English!) and I'd be more than happy to binge-rewatch it again one day, but in hindsight, I can also see why people dislike the show so much.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Have you spoken about your thoughts on jungkook using Jimin as his inspiration for his concept for seven or purposely trying to connect their concepts? Do you feel like trying to connect their solo work is too much?

How should I answer this? There is such a thing as inspiration. Artists get inspired by other artists or their work. Tarantino is such a good example (and basically every filmmaker, nothing exists in a vacuum, intertextuality/referentiality, etc). And they always make it their own. That's usually the case with art. Unless it's blatant plagiarism which is not the case for the situation we're talking about.

I think it has to do with current fashion trends right now and both Jimin and Jungkook choosing/agreeing to the latest trendy looks. Or working with similar teams? Coordinating together, talking business as colleagues too? Even Jimin took inspiration from Jungkook's hoodies when he designed his own for the merch project they had last year.

If indeed Jungkook was a lil copy cat for some concept photos, I bet Jimin teased him and did not see him as the enemy leech (I feel like puking just thinking about stupid solo stan language). I personally thought it was funny when I saw some similarities, made a few jokes and moved on. You know, like a well adjusted member of society.

I don't think the song Seven had anything to do with Like Crazy, Face or whatever other comparison was there. To me, it's all far fetched and unnecessary. Jungkook liked a song about fucking and thought this is his way of showing the world he is indeed a grown up and not some baby made to wear a bonnet at fansigns. Like, that's it. There's no endless layers of interpretation. I'm not wasting my time writing essay about mediocre songs. And I also won't force myself into believing or creating a connection between two songs if I don't believe there is one. There's plenty others who did it for their own reasons.

Not everything these people do must be about each other. It doesn't add or subtract from their personal relationship. I guess it's interpretation here and I can't argue with that, but I don't need to think that Seven is about Jimin or connected to Jimin's song just so I can add another piece to prove they might be fucking. There's plenty without, lol.

[xlerainn]

i've come to understand why i chose to settle here — why i linger while others fade. i was never good at leaving. i am a permanent leech in this familiar ground. but i have tried to find my way out, i did. and i was once, in fact, so close to getting out of here. but desperation is desperation. my heart, sentimental and stupid, never wanted the blissful luxury of forgetting. it will always find its way to paralyze itself to keep me firmly rooted in the clutches of things i promised not to outgrow. and the farthest i can grasp by far is only almost, like moving swiftly towards the door only to stop halfway when the knob is within reach. then i would tremble in attempts to abandon what i have always known. though i would falter as i watch you sink into another life where there is no remembering, where there holds no room for me. i'd swallow the ache for the moments we shared but now felt like less ours. and i will wonder how you do it. forget what once was, i mean. i'd wonder how you uproot yourself from the pages you've pledged not to tear off like wallpaper. but i'd try to reconstruct the pinch where all the promises weren't kept without being asked. i'd dismantle every metaphor my bones know and turn them into this and that until i've rebuilt them into something less hurtful and haunting. and i will feel compelled to express my remorse for struggling to discuss the concept of staying without talking about all the hearts i used to know but aren't with me now. bcs u see, on nights like this, i'd always find my heart tiptoeing up soundlessly like i'd be caught any moment as i try to visit them all in silence. i'd be as quiet as you used to before i started disturbing you, like a goddamn creep, you wouldn't even realize i was there. i would patiently wait for the crowds to flock around to be granted the chance to blend in and go unnoticed. i'd stay there, hold anything near me to support these flimsy legs from your presence that weighs heavier than my world. then i would dance away from there before my throat tightens and my words manage to claw their way out and call you.

i was never good at leaving. i'd linger in the exact spot you abandoned even as the world whirls. and i'd always have this hope in me that maybe all you're really doing is merely searching your way back.

07.23.23

[mist-girl999]

Also here's all the shitty poetry I wrote this summer

warning I am not a good poet also TW: implied s/a and also just general soulcrushing sadness and angst

Forest Green and Knobby Knees:

You said your walls were forest green

Sertraline tastes sickly sweet going down

Maybe that’s why life lost its color

It never had any to begin with

I’m told im missing the vibrancy

That I’m living among shades of brown

It makes me want to cry sometimes

Even though it’s all i’ve ever known

Eyeliner stamps distract me from it all 

when I remember to use them

I rarely do

I only get to be a woman when it’s convenient

When it’s harmless to everyone else

In my room in the quiet hours

I can wear my ill fitting skirts

Stretch the two tops I own over the body i hate

So I can pretend I’m the hottest girl alive

Sometimes the lie works

Sometimes it didn’t

Mostly it doesn’t

I’m not very good at lying anymore

Yearbook signatures make me feel more real

Promises of friendship

Of love

You’ll never know how much you mean to me

It’s not love

More obsession

Not with you but with the idea of you

A concept of who I want to be 

A caricature to stretch over me

I want to ask you how you do it 

How you be everything I want to be

Dream to be

Knobby knees

Oh god the knobby knees

The hair

The bangs

The eyes

The smile

Deficiency isn’t enough

Dried up succulents 

stalks shattered are the only mark you left on my life

I hope they never die

Even if I do

Vanilla pods were all I sought:

You never understood my greatest wish of all

To smell like vanilla pods in the midnight air

To lay back arched in the sunlight as it leeched into my skin

To be laid bare to the world and seen without the disgust I felt

To find friends amongst the grapevines

To talk to bees

Point at ravens in the trees

You never understood the beauty I craved

But you bought me skirts

And said that was good enough

And now I’m afraid to be me

Even if I bled even if I died:

I met you before I existed

Before I knew something was wrong

And you turned me into something you felt like you could love

I started to believe I could love that too

Still I remained foreign even to myself

The problem was I loved you too much

Yet also not enough

But the problem was that I wasn’t enough for you

Even if I bled

Even if I died

Sacrificed all but the breath in my lungs

It still wasn’t enough

I wasn’t enough

I acknowledge that

I apologize for that

But you left

And now I don’t exist anymore

Maybe I never really did

You made feel feel desired for the first time ever

And then took it all away

And so I scrambled I fell grasping at the open air

And now I’ve hit the bottom of the canyon

Not quite dead

not quite breathing

maybe drowning

My spine shattered against the battered boulders

It’s quiet down here though

It was never quiet with you

Fuck you

I wish you never wanted to fuck me

I wish I didn’t have to keep breaking myself for you

Until I was a handful of shattered glass under your foot

The times I saved you from suicide every night

Matter not now

I tried to forget about them

About you

But I can’t

So fuck you

I can’t save you

And I shouldn’t have had to

I wish you didn’t fuck me

I hate that you wanted to touch me

I’m scared now

That no one will want to touch me

Because you’re the only one who did

And your touch sunk deep

I can still feel it sometimes

Even when I don’t want to

Rarely when I do

I hope you disappear into the back of my mind

Somewhere I don’t venture often

That’s where you belong

Far away from me

I’m happier here

And worse

But better every day I don’t think of you

I wish you didn’t look at me that way

I wish you didn’t speak to me that way

I wish you didn’t hurt me that way

I wish you didn’t paint me that way

I hope you forget about me

I hope I forget about you

But I know I won’t

I still wear the necklace

The star

The branches around my neck

It feels wrong to take it off

And feels wrong to leave it on

So I just try to forget it’s there

Forget how the rope flows arcross the valleys of my sunken collarbones

Forget how you looked at it

At them

At me

Try to forget the pattern

The late nights

The mistakes

The regrets

The firsts

The lasts

You made me into a lady didn’t you

And now I hate her and love her at the same time

Womanhood makes me sick

Because of you

And the way you looked at me

You call me sexy

You call me pretty

You call me kind

I call you worthy of love

You ask if you’re using me

I lie

It feels good to be desired

It doesn’t feel good anymore though

Now it makes me sick

I don’t want to be seen

But I can’t live without the perception of others

All because of you

And your yellow teeth

I miss then

I think more than anything else

Those teeth

With their spots

Brilliant white

My eyes were always drawn to them

But they’re gone now

And so are you

And I think I’m glad

I was your dog

And now

You left me

Bleeding and rabid

Without a bullet in my brain

Fuck you

I wish you would stop looking at me

But I keep seeing you

I keep feeling you

And it makes me sick

Sicker than it should

I can’t tell if I’m angry or honest

You don’t deserve this

You might deserve worse

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough

I’m sorry I was crazy

In my defense I think you might’ve driven me insane

But you’ll never know that

Because I’ll never tell you

I’ll never look at you

Because if I do

 I’ll be right back where I started

A shadow in a dress

Fetishized

Ostracized

And left to sit in the rain

And pretend I’m crying

Because you took that too

I miss when you loved me but I’m happy you don’t anymore

I don’t think I’m strong enough for that anymore

Easier this way:

You were perfect

I was better at lying to myself than you were at lying to me

Your eyes left cuts where I can’t reach them

Can’t bandage them

Can’t heal them

So I pretend they don’t exist

Just like you

It doesn’t work very well

But it was worth a try

I’m not a poet

You made sure I knew that

You made sure I knew that I was supposed to fuck you until you didn’t want to die anymore

But somewhere along the way you got rid of whatever was left of myself

I didn’t need to know these things about myself

I did it think I ever would

But you made sure I won’t forget

So please stay away

I’m too fragile your your voice

Even more for your silence

You took all my love away and I’m glad you did

It’s easier this way

A most familiar feeling:

How long did you love the sex more than me

How long was your favorite part of me the one I hated the most

How have you been

I don’t want to know anymore but

I know I’ll know again someday

You’ll find me

No matter where I hide

Quick to criticize quicker to change me

Quicker yet to leave

I’m glad you’re gone

I can pick up the pieces that are left

Delete what I wrote for you

Forget you ever happened to me

Walk away until I know you’ll never chase me

Hate what you used to love about me

Start to hate everything about you

I’m surprised I didn’t sooner

How was I ever happy when you looked at me

I’ll change my voice

Change my eyes

Sand off my face

And run until my feet fall off

Become so unrecognizable that even I feel foreign to myself

Which admittedly is the most familiar of feelings

If I replace every organ

Claw at my skin

Until I know you’ve never touched it

Will I be ok

Hate me more:

You���d probably hate who I’m becoming now

Which brings me comfort

Every moment that passes

You will hate me more

But I’m just glad

That you don’t love me anymore

Because that felt so much worse

Cleanliness my god:

I wish I could stop writing about you

I wish I could stop thinking of you

You taught me to love things I should hate

And now I feel wrong

I don’t write love poems anymore

I did once

You ignored them

You hated them

You didn’t say it out loud but I could see it in your eyes

You didn’t read them

You suffered through the ones I read to you

I know they weren’t good

But I loved you

That should’ve been good enough

You loved what was under my ill fitting skirts the parts of myself I tried the hardest to hide

Cleanliness is godliness and you had no god

Cleanliness became my god

And you became my satan

I liked it at first

Then you liked it too much

It became all I was good for

All you wanted

It felt good to be desired I guess

But it felt worse to be looked at in that way

Eyes blazing with something that scared me

An emotion that felt foreign to me

That always had

And so I waited

And hid

For it to be over

For you to love me

But instead I held you

Comforted you for hours

So that you could do it again

And again

When I just wanted to be loved

Girlhood sinkhole:

You made me a woman

While I was still trying to just be a girl

And now I don’t know who I am anymore

A familiar feeling

A sinkhole

A place I want to leave

Strawberry nose:

I’m tired of strawberry nose

Doomscroll

Lost submersible

Tired of staring at your eyes praying to see anything but disgust reflected back at me

Tired of being the only person in the world

Who hates me this much

More than I probably deserve

More than I’ve probably earned

Tired of being hard to love

Easy to shove

Bent and broken and caved in

Shattered to pieces and glued back together  again

I should probably go to sleep but I can’t

Tired of being incapable inconsiderate inconsequential

Just really fucking tired

Goodnight I hope

Strawberry nose

Ripped clothes

Bare toes unpainted

But I wish they were

A deep red a pitch black

Something a little more human

I wish I could love in a way that’s acceptable

To you

To me

That feels like it isn’t killing me too

Mending:

Sick of living 

Sick of healing 

Sick of apologizing

Of changing

Of admitting

You’re so pretty i could cry

The kind of beauty that seems unattainable

Foreign even

Otherworldly

How do you do it

I’ll ask myself that question for a very long time

There’s a pile of clothes on my floor that need mending

They have holes and tears that need patches and stitches

I’ll get to them eventually

You ripped my fishnets

I can’t mend those

You ruined me you know

Ruined my clothes

Ruined my body

Ruined my mind

But i’m still here

And i intend to stay that way

Summer after high school:

Screaming 

Crying

Songs about 9/11

Late nights

Regrets

Changes

Summer after high school

Almost lost all my friends

Changing myself everyday

It’s exhausting

Is this what happiness feels like?

Reckless driving

Check engine light

Second job

Nightmares

Death

And after all of it

Rebirth

The drowning man

The big yard sale

Goals ambitions

And bugs

Box hair dye

Wishing I could cry

Early mornings

Take my meds

Hope it gets better again

It’s better without you i think

Learning how to exist alone

Is the hardest thing i’ve done 

Until tomorrow

Then that will change too

No one will hate you more than you already do

Sufjan Stevens

Girls

So many girls

To kiss to be

To love to hold

To run from

To hide

Wondering what a sunburn feels like 

New bedsheets that don’t quite fit right

Dread, love, and fear

New posters, old eyeliner

Scared of flying 

Scared of dying 

Cards on my wall

Wishing me well

Broken CD player

Broken spirit

Is this it?

What stains the heart:

Work shirts

Grease stains

Grease stains the heart too you know

So does blood

And loss

I bought white eyeliner from a vending machine

Used it once

Now it’s in my drawer

Shirtless pictures on a digital camera

Are all  I have left

Therapy appointments and soft blankets keep me going

So do you

More as an act of revenge at this point

Slow revenge

Metamorphosis

Like kafka

I doubt you’ve ever read kafka

Walk in the park play on the swings

I wish I could write horny poetry

Boygenius lyrics:

I feel platonic love in a way that scares me 

I’m nothing without my friends

It scares others too

I think we’re all just a bit scared

Boygenius lyrics

Kissing on stage

Devotion and love

I know i’m broken

But please let me love you

You make me a bit less frightened

You all do

Homoerotic swimsuit shopping 

Loving too much

And sometimes not enough

I know i’m not easy to love

But please let me love you

Hearts in texts and hugs with eyes

I promise i like being touched

I just don’t want to burden you

Road trips and letters sitting on our phones

Panic attacks and loving arms

Even when they’re by your side

Hand tattoos and weed 

I think that’s what my future holds

I hope yours holds all that and oh so much more

You deserve the world 

I’m sorry if I love you too much

It’s just that you stayed

Will you still be here when I'm 27?

Even the little things:

Poetry so bad 

it might as well be a word association game 

Unused mascara

Tight underwear

Nothing fits right and I don’t think it ever will

Water droplets across my skin

The second hour in the shower

Remind me who i’m supposed to be

Dead black rotting skin

As i become more sunken in

I’ve lost everything that brings me joy

Even the little things

It might be different tomorrow 

But tonight

In this moment an hour before the stars

With the wrong clothes

At the wrong time

It’s all gone

I’m sunken in

And i think this is it

No more weird little loves

No more loving till it hurts

Just empty

Poured out over the concrete 

Tricking into the sewer drain

For the long journey home

I’ve scared them all away 

and I don’t think they’re coming back

And for once 

I don’t blame them

I’ve accepted it now

I’d let you touch me:

Broken computer screen

Broken cash machine

Dried up plants i’ve ignored for far too long

I’m sorry you didn’t deserve this

Spider in a jar

Friends from afar

Unloveable self in the mirror

Ruined myself again for you

Trying really hard to make you see

That i’d let you touch me

If you wanted to

But i doubt you do

And I don’t blame you

I don’t want to either

But i’m stuck in this skin

Try as I might

Glimpses of the stars

On the walk from my car

Before I disappear

New septum piercing didn’t stop you from leaving

And I don’t blame you anymore

I’m glad you left

But i would’ve let you touch me

If you wanted to

What’s left of my heart:

You can fuck me till i fall apart 

Rip out what’s left of my heart

Pull my lungs out my ears

And my brain out my nose

You can have anything of me you want my darling

My books

My eyes

My touch

My love

Apologies for the ages

I’ll make you a playlist even if I don’t love you

Not because I don’t want to 

But because I think i lost the strength to love you a long time ago

It’s nothing personal

I’d give everything to be able to love you

To know you

To blush when you look at me

I’ll try my best i’ll buy you flowers

Kiss your face

Stay up late

But I can only pretend for so long 

that this isn’t just because I can’t be left alone

I’d treat you right 

We’d never fight

But I know i’m not enough

And i think that’s ok

Made to love you:

She says she likes her nose

and god I wish I liked mine too

In the exact same way she does

A girl who likes her nose

Panic attacks in my bed sheets

Wishing for a loving embrace

You can use me if you want

Just don’t make me go away

Clenched jaws I never notice until they start to hurt

Can’t seem to let them go

Thought I was getting better

Now I know I was wrong

Weighted blanket isn’t enough

Need your embrace

Anyone’s embrace

Need you to touch me

Need you to want to touch me

Need anyone to want to touch me

Motorcycle rumblings signal my end

And as much of me wants to run

Also wants to embrace it

Made to love you

Made to love anyone

Please look at me with kind eyes

And I will worship the ground you walk upon for as long as you let me

And just a little bit more after that

Stay on the plateau with me:

Everyone else is loved and fucked and touched and desired

Everyone else feels love in their hearts and tears in their eyes

There is an unspoken loneliness in losing your will to cry

To cry to love to hold to cherish

Screams of female rage or heartbroken sobs that shake the earth you walk on are but

A pipe dream

Why oh why would you ever wish to leave this plateau

Sweetness is sickness

And sickness is heartbreak

Heartbreak is loss

And loss is death

So why not skip it all

Watch the sunset from the plateau

Overheat 

All alone

Love yourself like no one can

Stare into the river and wonder what color the rocks at the bottom are

Drive past the bar where you might ruin your life

In a year or two

Do drugs alone in your room and pretend you’re more

More than you ever will be

More than you’ve ever been

Wonder when your friends will stop loving you

If it hasn’t happened already

Write poetry for sad girls who are so much more like you than yourself

Hide in a masquerade

Remember who you were 3 years ago

Then forget everything and everyone you ever where

Almond soap blues

Be too quiet

Make too much noise

Be restless

Be tired

But never forget who you are

Tiptoes and sad girls

Mothers who stare at me

But oh to be loved

To be desired will always be immortality

Oh to be perceived

The girl I want to be:

To see her knees peeking out from under that dress when she crouches

Inspecting bugs under a rock

Sticks and leaves in her hair

Bags full of old melon rinds 

Faded stick and poke tattoos from someone she once knew

This is the girl I want to be

Bewitched eyes

Impressive doc martens collection

Big beetle purse

Frilly socks, can’t read a clock

Because she’s never had to

Old tattered hat, white flower dress

Band aids and perfume

This is the girl I want to be

Cries in secret

Loves in public

Galaxy eyes with the universe inside

Thrifted button downs 

Gray sports bra 

Kills all her plants but loves them so

Pleasure to have in class

Life of the party

Reads alone in the garden 

This is the girl I want to be

But i’m not and I don’t know if i’ll ever be

So i’ll keep dreaming

Keep weeping

Keep praying

Keep waiting

For the girl i’m meant to be

[myshadesofwrong]

As a historian, who has a literal degree in this (primarily British monarchy with some French so a lot of my examples will come from them), I am begging you if you’re going to be anti-monarchy, at least know the facts so you’re no sprouting the same tired rhetoric over and over.

Or in other words, OP is right (about the fandom and the monarchy)

Rants like the reblog from hotaurea make me so mad because the world and institutions are not black and white. The world, people, and the things we create like institutions have both good and bad and most everybody exists in gray. That’s just a fact.

I agree with the OP. No institution is perfect and evolve. Wilhelm could have been the lynchpin to help his institution evolve. Because, believe it or not, the monarchy does do some good. First, hotaurea is right in a way., Anybody can advocate for issues and charities but the monarchy has something you and I don’t. A platform. Their tags about correctly exposing that particular part as ‘bullshit’ is quite literally wrong. Every royal has a cause. Whatever you think of King Charles of England, he has for years been a champion of the environment, highlighting farmers and natural causes. Do you honestly think that the reporters and press would give a shit if he didn’t show up. Same with Queen Camilla of England. She champions and works quite a lot with domestic abuse charities. Prince William, Princess Catherine, and Prince Harry all constantly give attention to mental health issues. And Prince Harry has his veterans work. Now, we all can go and help each of these very important issues but our impact is going to be nil to theirs. Why? The same reason everyone demands celebrities speak up about issues. Platform. People listen. Now we can have a debate on ‘worthiness’ certainly. That’s a fair debate. But the truth of the matter is as the royal family, they have the reach and the interest from the press to bring more attention to the issue. Please no not negate that impact.

As for the ‘homophobic’ accusation, tell me you’ve never done actual research on the monarchy, any monarchy. I can name FIVE LGBTQIA+ monarchs or members of their family right off the top of my head:

Queen Anne of Great Britain (1700s)

Philippe I, Duke of Orleans, brother of King Louis XIV (a known cross dresser as well, actually openly wore women’s clothing at Versailles)

Edward II of England

Ludwig II of Bavaria

And my personal fav:

James VI of Scotland and I of England.

James is a particular favorite because the man was at least bi-sexual and literally commissioned the fucking King James Bible. You know, the one that all the homophobes use as “proof” of homosexuality being a sin. Pull that out at your next party/family gathering. I love seeing people’s expressions when they learn that.

Anyway, if you think monarchies are homophobic, you have no idea of the history. Y’all, historically, royals are fucking wild. Many straight monarchs actually had lovers both male and female. Some did marry and have children while others never did. But here’s my point, they NEVER hid them. These affairs or favorites were paraded with pride throughout courts. Lovers were given prominent roles in households, on councils, were advisors. It is a very modern assumption or concept really that monarchies must be straight and private. Did some hide them, yes. But go back through history and you’ll find countless stories of favorites being paraded around in from of wives, husbands, and courts. And by repeating that concept, you’re propogating conservative rhetoric is trying to hide LGBTQIA+ history. It’s that simple. And let’s not even talk about sex parties and the actual proclavities of some of these royals. Seriously, look them up. You’ll find out the true meaning of truth is stranger than fiction.

Now we can have debates over finances (reminder royals are not actual leeching off of citizens. They do have their own inheritance wealth, as well as I believe real estate is a big one. Again, the origin of the that is certainly cause for criticism but they’re not getting paid by your taxes) and actual worthiness as hotaurea put it but can we please have a non-extremist discussion on monarchy. It’s not either/or. There are good sides and bad sides to it, even in modern times. Actually, I would say modern monarchies are actually more relevant than their colonizer and blood thirsty ancestors. Modern monarch/royals devote their lives to charities and causes. They have no say in most governments and are definitely not sending troops out to war. But I digress.

Anyway, this is getting too long. I just wanted to point out the flaws in hotaurea’s little rant and add that OP was right. Wille could have been the son of a CEO of a big corporation and the story wouldn’t have changed one bit. It made his decision less impactful because we are never shown the actual struggle Wille could have had. Because you will never convince me, a good PR person would not have seen the potential in Wille after his speech and would not have let him champion a LGBTQIA+ cause. Imagine if Fatima would have been like okay, but Wille chose to go the safe route? That makes Simon’s reaction and his own work more impactful in the series. He even tried to tell Wille but it was WILLE who did not want to listen. In the end, maybe if they had shown the good side of the monarchy, it would have made Wille’s decision even more impactful instead of it looking selfish and impulsive. Or he could have stayed and shown what having a platform for good actually is but OP is right. And believe it or not, there is such a thing as IVF where Wille could have had a biological child. Shocking I know. Or a surrogate. Stop ignoring these possibilities.

Lisa was too stuck on the same rhetoric above instead of creating an institution that would have been nuanced and more realistic instead of a one-dimensional villain twirling their mustache.

Too busy to write a 5k essay it deserves but neither the audience nor Wilhelm saw the actual monarchy as an institution worth fighting for or at least worth considering it.

The monarchy was completely absent from the show. You could replace it with a billion-dollar publicly traded company and it wouldn't change the plot. Concerns about public image? Check. Out of control sense of privilege? Check. Spoiled children of rich parents? Check.

No one from the unrealistically small royal family was given a chance to demonstrate or explore the gravity and the positive influence a thousand-year-old institution can have. Does the queen have causes she particularly cares about? Does she invest her time into fundraising for them? Does she think certain problems are overlooked by the society and does she use her celebrity status to draw attention to them? We have no idea, we only have been shown her caring about the public image of the institution she represents.

Same with Wille: in the show he was never given a chance to explore how his status could be used for good. Were there young people for whom his coming out meant a lot? Definitely, but we never heard about them. Would it be equally important for others if the crown prince started openly talking about his struggles with anxiety? For sure. This list is potentially endless but the creators were never interested in showing anything positive about the monarchy.

[acey-wacey]

Loving Their Cooking

Feat. Trey Clover, Ruggie Bucchi, Jade Leech, Floyd Leech, Jamil Viper

Requested by @thelazyhermits on Ko-fi. Thanks for supporting me! You literally mean the world to me!

...

♣️ Trey Clover ♣️

He's very shocked when you off-handedly mention his baking being your favorite food.

He brushes it off as joking around and asks you what your favorite confection of his is.

He is even more shocked when you reply with...

"I don't really have a specific favorite, but eating your food makes me feel all warm and happy."

He always invites you to help him bake whenever you're available.

If you do have a favorite confection, he makes excuses to make it more often.

He just loves to see your face light up when you take a bite.

And of course, you do the little food dancey dance.

He thinks it's so cute that you do a little wiggle whenever he gives you good.

He has a recording of it on his phone so he can look at it any time you're apart.

He can empathize with you having to be independent and making your own food all the time so whenever he can, he tries to take some weight off your shoulders.

Grim isn't complaining since it means free food from the Heartslabyul vice dorm leader.

...

🍩 Ruggie Bucchi 🍩

He asked you as a joke if his food was your favorite.

He never expected you would actually say yes.

Of course his first reaction is to tease you about it.

"Aw, you just love it because I made it because you're so in love with me, right, Y/N?"

You keep flustering him by agreeing with his taunts.

He will never leave you alone about it.

He flaunts the fact that you love his cooking and makes sun of you but he really revels in the attention you give him.

He tries to hide it, though you already know how much of a simp he is.

With Ruggie, everything comes with a price, so much so, you would think he should've been put in Octavinelle.

If he cooks something for you, you have to cook something for him in return.

You alternate between who makes dinner every other day only breaking the pattern on birthday and other such special occasions.

No one should be slaving away in the kitchen on their birthday.

...

🍄 Jade Leech 🍄

He honestly didn't even think he was that good of a cook until you pointed it out.

Cooking was usually just work, another chore for the Mostro Lounge but you made it special.

When you tell him eating his food feels like home, it starts to be more personal.

He loves to cook together with you, introducing you to all the different mushroom dishes he can make with his recent forages.

Once you show interest in his mushrooms, you won't get him to stop talking about the different varieties, their properties, where they grow, how to find them.

He often will invite you on his foraging excursions, so much so that you are considered an honorary member of the Mountain Lovers Club.

When you say his cooking makes you happy, he will try to make it into something sly or sneaky but he's really very proud of his own work and how much it means to you.

Just imagine dancing around in the kitchen with Jade while making chanterelle risotto T-T.

...

🦐 Floyd Leech 🦐

He also didn't think he was that good at cooking.

It's always so boring, just another phase he had once.

Plus Jade's endless mushroom recipes ruin the whole concept for him.

But one under-staffed day when he was forced to work the kitchens, you tried his pesto pasta and immediately lit up.

You went on and on about how his cooking was so perfect and made you so happy.

Talk about some good motivation.

He gets really into cooking, just to impress you, though he knows he's already doing that.

Normally, he would've gotten bored of doing the same thing by now but you keep introducing him to new recipes and fun ways to do boring things.

You manage to make everything interesting, even if he never considered it before.

Every day with you is an adventure, even if you're doing something simple like making Mac and Cheese.

You always make up a new twist at the end to surprise him. A different spice combination or a dash of sriracha.

Adds to the spice of life.

He loves when you cook for him too, doting on him like a child, but he also likes seeing the giddy look in your eyes as you take another bite of his food.

...

🐍 Jamil Viper 🐍

Get the he// out of his kitchen.

Well, he isn't as stingy with you but he's still very particular about the way things need to be done.

The process got a little more exclusive after Grim butchered one of his stir-fries.

He often cooks with you in the kitchen, but he doesn't usually want you to actually do anything.

It's part because he doesn't want you to feel obligated to help and part because he doesn't want you messing anything up.

Of course he trusts your cooking skills but he's so used to being skeptical since Kalim got poisoned.

You tell him his cooking is your favorite with bright eyes and a big grin.

He doesn't know how to respond at all.

He'll mutter an awkward "thank you" before attempting to process the oddly intimate feeling of the simple statement.

People don't usually appreciate his cooking. He's just a servant after all and it's expected for him to be good at cooking.

But you come along and start praising him like it doesn't mean anything, not knowing how touched he is.

Now he won't let you help with anything in the kitchen, not because he doesn't trust you, but because he wants to impress you with his skills.

[deathbyoctopi]

making a rec list so I don’t forget

It’s more or less a year since I got started in the Chinese series, and I want to share Opinions with y’all!! 😁😁

I’ll place them more or less in preference order, with tiers and whatnot, so of COURSE we have to start with:

GOD TIER (aka. The absolute best) 

The Untamed. Amazing. Can’t say much without rambling for six hours, so I’ll just say this was a wonderfully addictive thing to discover. Saw the series and donghua, read the manhua and the books, got me hearing some bits of the audiobook too and I’m going insane with the fanfics and fanart. Dead evil overlord resuscitates and meets childhood classmate, they solve mysteries and go on adventures together, which both isn’t and is an euphemism. 

---

DEMI-GOD TIER (because there’s really only one untamed):  

Heaven Official’s Blessing. Going with the books here, bc the gods immortal know when (If!) we’re getting a series of that one. But the story is interesting, the characters very likable, the main ship is downright adorable... And what little donghua we’ve got so far was delightful (praying for that one not to be discontinued, plzzz). Twink God with the worst luck imaginable meets piss-your-pants-scary Ghost King and they go on adventures together. Still an euphemism. 

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun: Another book/manhua rec, bc I’m looking just as forward to get the series, and who knows... This one has a base concept that comes straight from fanfic dreamland!!! In the best way possible, too! Reccomending this having read only 2 books so far, but it feels warranted. Evil overlord goes back in time to his youth and decides not to repeat the mistakes of his first life. The mistakes follow him, tho. Also, he’s so horny for his shizun, who he Hates™ very much. 

Word of honor. A series so bent on showing everything they can of the main characters relationship without showing it that it may have changed the gears in censorship ^^U I found the story a bit confusing, with a myriad sects and intrigues, but the character dynamics are so fascinating!!! (Speaking only for the series, haven’t read the book). Angsty repentant master spy with a Mysterious Past wants to go die in peace, but handsome leech with a Mysterious Past says otherwise. 

---

MUST TIER (Very recommendable! I’d force-feed all those to you if I knew where you live)

Blood of youth. A series (maybe a book and manhua, idk) about a dumbass young hero that wants to prove himself in the martial art world, a mysterious youth obsessed with money and a handsome (and also mysterious) monk with almost godlike powers entangled in a conspiracy that reaches deep in the Imperial palace... Engaging story and characters, particularly the supporting roles, because even though they’re not the focus, they’re memorable enough to feel relevant. 

Scum Villain Self-Saving System. Books (NEVER mind the very short, strangely paced digital art donghua) about a man transmigrated to the martial art world from a trash webnovel he loves to complain about. He’s the villain there, and doesn’t want to be for the life of him precisely because it will kill him unless he can get in the main character’s good graces. And he does that. All too well XD

Sleuth of the Ming dynasty. A series (is there a book? I’d like to read it) about an official of the Imperial Government who solves cases. No world-breaking powers, no flying swords, just very real crime and clues and palace intrigues (the Imperial family are recurring characters). The main two characters are an absolute delight: the Detective, who is brilliant and socially clumsy, and nevertheless manages to leech off the Soldier to the point that gets in his house and manages to get a lifelong loyalty out of him. 

Thousand autumns. There’s a donghua, which is as weird and uncanny as the svsss one, but since the books got recently translated I’m going more with those. Handsome Horrible Man Extraordinaire harasses, gaslights, bullies and almost kidnaps Pretty-Faced Frail Twink, and they end up invariably together. I can barely remember the story, something something Book Of Martial Arts Awesomeness that everyone and their mother wants, but that’s irrelevant. The story is worth it just because of those two idiots. 

---

OK TIER (Recommend if you’re bored and want something entertaining, but not life-changing)

Birth of the drama king. A half-serious, half-silly series about two warring sects that sic spies on each other. One might be too successful, almost getting attached to the other sect’s leader, because (presumably) they are long-lost brothers. The story is decent, but an absolute point on its favour is the (very handsome, if only a bit lackluster) role of Song Jiyang as doctor Yan. And the fact that he’s so serious, while being the Universe’s punchbag. Seriously, he gets hilariously abused in almost every episode. Love it.  

Till the end of the moon. A long, epic battle between good an evil with a romance so strong that can (well, ought to) defy destiny and the will of the gods. If it wasn’t for all the miscommunication!!!! >:3  This one was very difficult for me to place in this list, because what is good about this series is marvelous, and what is bad (boring or frustrating) is almost painful to sit through. Of the latter, the aforementioned lack of talking skills of these two endlessly suffering dumbasses and the epic battles, which do nothing for me, though might be great for other people. And the good things... if the whole series had been like the first ten or so episodes, this would be now in the demi-god tier. The premise!!! The execution!!!! The acting!!!!! Give me the whole early stage of Tantai Jin and Ye Xiwu’s marriage, up to that new year, and nothing else!!! After that, it’s a slow but sure decline.

Stick to the script. An extremely self-aware comedy sketch show with the transmigration premise and an almost surreal beat. The main point is of course Wang Haoxuan, but it also has good puns, quick humor and at least a couple scenes so absurd I had to laugh out loud. But the episodes are so short!!! I found that very distracting, they last only 2-3 minutes each. I enjoyed it MUCH MORE finding a compilation on youtube. It lasts 2 hours in total, so it’s very manageable like that :)

Be my cat. Another series with an absurd premise, and amusingly self-aware, but sweet and occasionally fun enough to be worth a watch. The plot is about a girl who receives from her cultivator brother (who’s gone missing) a sphere with a yao cat, that escapes and possesses the dying body of a young general. The resulting human-shaped cat forms a reluctant bond with her, and she enlists his help to find her brother and the other three lost animal spheres, with their respective yao that wreck havoc. 

Dance of the phoenix. A series about a young cultivator girl whose powers and memories are stolen, so she has to fend for herself while attracting an alarming number of suitors, old rivals and admirers. The plot is serviceable at best, and the characters not very interesting... but the effects are quite good, and damn my weakness, it has Wang Haoxuan too!! The ending was mightily confusing, tho. I have no idea what that was about.  

---

PASS TIER (Watching that wasn’t technically a mistake, but... ugh) 

Immortal Samsara. Yess, it’s well-made and well-acted, but the story is soooo slow!!! And soooooo boring!!!!! The character’s actions don’t make sense more often than not, she subtleties of their behaviour clashes with some very drastic and unreasonable course of action, the lack of communication in this one is downright painful to behold... Only the second third gets a bit interesting, the stakes are higher and the characters finally less stiff and more enjoyable, but bloody hell... It’s not worth it, not at all.