#this whole concert still makes me so damn emotional

[wlntrsldler]

poisoned mercury | damned if i do ya (damned if i don't)

a/n: oooohhhh i love them bad. the slow burn is slow burning a little bit. btw the song is daylight by 5sos!

series masterlist | previous | next

v. damned if i do ya (damned if i don't) by all time low

all the progress luke thought he was making with you was thrown out the window after the concert. at first, he was glad to have some distance between you guys. he was dealing with sorting out what he felt for you. it was stupid, really, how he realized that you reminded him a lot of his childhood nickelodeon crush, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it was more than that. 

sure, you were a fucking headache sometimes, but he liked it. he liked you. he liked how you always tore him a new one, made him feel normal, like he wasn’t luke castellan – lead singer of poisoned mercury, he was just luke when he was with you. you asked him about his music, his life, but knew when to stop right before the conversation got too heavy because you understood him. you knew how he felt even when he didn’t say it. 

maybe he’d just been around his bandmates too much, teenage boys with emotional iqs of a thumbtack, but you took one look at him and he knew that you understood what he was feeling. as great of a writer he was when it came to music, he was never good with expressing how he felt. 

but now, it’s been weeks since you last talked to him, like really talked to him. whenever he’d see you in your smoke spot, he’d try to start a conversation, but you’d stuff your vape in your pocket and walk away before he could even say hi. you stopped going to the gym in the morning, often coming into the cabin after your workout during random times of the day, no longer following a set schedule. you rarely hung out with the boys, opting to retire into your room earlier than usual. you still joined clarisse during her counselor duties, but she stopped letting the boys tag along when luke was available as much as she used to. she’d offer an apologetic smile to luke and slip out an excuse why he couldn’t join for music lessons. 

luke was tired of it. he didn’t know what went wrong, what he did wrong, to make you act so cold towards him. even when you didn’t know him yet, you were never like this. you always had a snide remark ready for him, but now, he was met with silence. 

on the bright side, he at least had inspiration to write new songs. 

he wandered into the cabin, thinking that it would be empty. clarisse was being held hostage at arts and crafts again. (she complained the whole morning about it until chris offered to join her so she wouldn’t be the only one covered in glitter this time.) the stolls were in the studio recording the instrumentals for the song luke showed them a few days ago. they’d asked him who the song was about, though he had a feeling they already knew. he wasn’t really trying to be secretive with the words. and you, luke could only wonder where you were. 

he stopped in his tracks at the sound of mr. d’s voice in your room. your bedroom door was wide open and luke feared that you’d see him so he hid around the corner, back pressed against the wall. 

“this is serious, kid,” mr. d yelled. “your teammate is pressing charges so i need the full story! i don’t care if you don’t want to talk about it. this can go on your record permanently.” 

“so let it!” you screamed back. luke heard you pacing around your room, heavy steps against the cabin floors. “i don’t care.” 

“i care! i’ve been pretty goddamn lenient when it comes to you, y/n, but this?” mr. d countered, veins on his neck bulging out as he raised his voice. luke had never seen him like this, “this is fucking serious. you need to tell me exactly what happened.” 

“she was talking about you, okay?” you sobbed. you sat on your bed, hands buried in your open palms. “she said something about your addiction. i don’t fucking know how she found out, but she said something and i just lost it, dad. she was talking out her ass and i just needed her to shut up because she didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about.” 

mr. d’s tongue poked the inside of his cheek. he gulped, not saying a word. your dad looked at the decorated wall of your bedroom, polaroids of you and your friends, your framed high school field hockey jersey, and the concert ticket from the first show he ever took you to. he looked down at the pink rug on your floor, unable to say anything. 

you looked up at him, eyes brimmed with tears, “there, i told you. happy now?” 

it wasn’t long before mr. d stormed out of the cabin. luke flinched as the door slammed shut behind him. he heard you sobbing in your bedroom and he contemplated approaching you. you were already mad at him, for a reason that he still didn’t know, so what the hell? 

with a deep breath, luke emerged from the corner and walked towards your door. his knuckles softly knocked on the open door. you looked up at the noise, rubbing your eyes with your forearm. you chewed on your bottom lip, “not in the mood to argue, castellan.” 

“not here to argue,” he stood under your door frame, leaning against the side. “i’m here to see if you’re okay.” 

you had this habit of running away from things when you knew it had the power to hurt you. it wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but your fight or flight response was triggered every time you started catching feelings for someone. it didn’t happen often, you developing actual feelings for people. you developed crushes, sure, but not feelings. 

you didn’t get googly-eyed and love-dumb with guys. you knew better– growing up with a dad who could quite literally transform people’s lives with a snap of his finger made you hyperaware of people’s intentions with you. but sometimes, you get blinded by the guy who sweeps you off your feet and you forget about it all. 

after the concert, you couldn’t stop thinking about luke. you already knew what kind of person he actually was, kind, caring, talented, all of the above, but there was still a nagging voice in your head telling you: “what if this is all an act?” “what if this is his move? pretending to be a different guy from the tabloids just to get you to fall for him then break your heart like everyone else did?” so you fled. you ran away from luke. 

clarisse caught onto you avoiding luke fairly quickly. she no longer saw you two walking into the cabin together in the early mornings when she was getting ready for the day. you started declining invitations to hang out at the activities center, stopped having time to help her with music lessons when the band was tagging along, and started hanging out with her in your room instead of the common space. 

she asked you about it after a week of the same thing. you told her you just weren’t in the mood, lacked energy. you said a million excuses but she could see right through you. you and the lead singer weren’t really subtle with your longing glances. 

you crossed your legs under you, pulling the blanket up to cover your legs. you moved over on your bed, tilting your head to let him inside. luke took his shoes off and closed the door behind him, sock-clad feet tapping against the wooden floors. he sat on the edge of your bed, playing with the stray thread on your blanket. 

“you ever feel like your parents wish they had a different kid?” you whispered, “maybe a kid that wasn’t so difficult?” 

“all the time,” luke replied, “every time my name is in the tabloids, i swear it takes years off my mom’s life.” 

you laughed, sniffling, “you need to take it easy on your mom. she’s too good for this world.” 

“that she is,” he leaned back on his elbows, resting his head on his shoulder. he tapped your leg under the blanket, “you know your dad loves you, right?”

“yeah,” you sighed, looking at luke. your makeup was smudged under your eyes and it took all his power not to lean over to wipe it away. you hunched your shoulders over when you spoke again, “just feels like sometimes i’m too much for him and i don’t know how to stop doing that.” 

“i don’t think you should.” 

it was the truth. you dealt in extremes. you were intense but it was only because you were passionate about things. he’d seen you practicing for hours, staying up late to help the younger kids with their projects even if it wasn’t your job, bossing people around to make sure that the camp activities were perfect. when you put your mind to something, luke knew there was no stopping you. 

“so i’m guessing you heard that whole thing with my dad?” 

“yeah,” luke rubbed the back of his neck. he looked at you, feeling caught that he’d been listening in on your private conversation. “i didn’t know anyone was in here when i walked in.” 

“it’s fine,” you shrugged, “pretty sure the whole camp heard my dad yelling anyways.” 

he laughed, “probably. i’d never seen him like that before. he’s usually so chill. it kinda caught me off guard.” 

“me too.” 

“it’s not as bad as when my mom yells at me though,” luke offered, trying to lighten the mood. he grinned when he saw your eyes brighten. you never did pass up the opportunity to have luke embarrass himself. if he could stop you from crying, he would lay out all his embarrassing stories in front of you for your listening pleasure. “the time she found out that me and trav got banned from wichita, like the whole city, she got so mad that the hotel we were staying at kicked us out because there were so many noise complaints. had to sleep on the bus. my back was killing me the entire time we were playing a show the next day.” 

“what the fuck did you guys do that warranted a ban from the whole city?” 

luke’s cheeks turned pink, “we mooned a cop car.” 

you bursted into uncontrollable laughter, falling back on your pillows. luke watched you, laughing along at your reaction. you were crying again, but it was a good cry this time. luke thought you looked pretty like this; cheeks red, eyes shut as you tried to regain your composure, and smiling, all teeth and lips. he hadn’t seen it in a while and he wanted to take a picture of you right now just so he could always remember how you looked at this moment. he wasn’t sure if he could survive another few weeks without seeing it again.

luke nudged you as your laughter died down, “if shit goes down with your teammate, there will be three of us with a permanent record in this cabin.”

you smiled at him, sadly, voice returning to the hushed tone you used earlier, “you think my dad could forgive me for this?” 

“don’t think anyone could hold a grudge against you even if they tried, five star,” luke placed a hand on your thigh covered by the blanket. he relished in the feeling of the hand you placed over his own. it felt intimate. “what does your mom think about all of this?” 

“i dunno,” you played with the rings on his hand, twisting the silver metals on his fingers, “i haven’t talked to her about it yet. been avoiding her calls.” 

“well, happy to know that i wasn’t the only one getting the silent treatment,” he teased, no bite to his voice. “shit, five star, even with your punishments, you still manage to not make me feel special.” 

you squeezed his hand, a giggle escaping your lips, “shut up.” 

luke looked at you, “you should probably talk to her soon.” 

“i will,” you nodded, meeting his gaze, “soon.” 

the two of you stayed there in silence, you playing with his rings and the bracelets on his arm. you were so enamored by the silver jewelry on his hand, twirling his rings to read each engraving, looking at each design, humming in appreciation. you looked at the camp half blood bracelet on his wrist, recognizing the beads on the string. 

“i can’t believe you got a camp bracelet before i did this summer,” you huffed, admiring the beads. “i’ve been here longer than you and nobody made me one yet.” 

“a little girl made it for me,” luke said, smiling at the memory. “i helped her with her with the production of the song for her summer project and she made it for me.” 

“i didn’t know you also produced music.” luke castellan continued to surprise you. 

“not well,” he replied. “just the basics, but i like to think i helped her out. annabeth— you know her? the kid with perfect pitch. fucking brilliant. smarter than i was at her age.”

“i love beth. i’m pretty sure she’s the smartest 12-year-old to ever exist,” your eyes twinkled, moving your index finger to his own, “what’s the story with this one?”

luke looked down at the ring you were touching. it was the silver ring he bought for himself using his first paycheck from their album sales. it cost him a pretty penny, but it was worth it. the font was tiny, but he memorized the words. 

“aγάπη χωρίς πείσματα δεν έχει νοστιμάδα,” luke said, no doubt butchering the pronunciation. “it’s greek. my mom used to read greek proverbs to me as a child. i think she hoped i’d become the next great philosopher, but instead i became a musician. this phrase stuck with me.”

“what does it mean?”

“love without a bit of stubbornness isn’t tasteful,” he whispered, “it’s a little reminder to myself that even though i can be difficult as shit sometimes, i’m worth it.”

luke cleared his throat, “had a tough time when we first got big. i’m sure you’ve heard of some stories. there was a time when me and my mom didn’t talk much. i thought i knew what was best and i pushed her away. i was so stubborn, five star.” 

“my dad left when i was a kid and for second, i thought i would lose my mom too,” he shook his head, the bitter taste of regret in his mouth as he recalled those memories. “im glad i didn’t. this ring reminds me that no matter how stubborn i am, i still deserve love, y’know? maybe it’s stupid, but sometimes i doubt it. mom always told me that love isn’t supposed to be easy, but it’s supposed to always be worth it– worth all the trouble, the stubbornness, the hurt, so this little phrase keeps me grounded in a weird way.”

“worth it to an extent,” you said. there was something hidden in your words like you were somehow asking him if you fell within the extent of it being worth it. it was in the look in your eye, doubt and worry that maybe you pushed it too far this time and you were no longer worth the fight. 

“extent is subjective. i know my mom thinks i’m worth it. i know that no matter how much me and the stolls get into fights, our friendship is worth it. i know that even though me and chris grew up to be different people, our bond is worth it,” luke leaned in closer as if he was going to tell you a secret, something that stays between you and him, only allowed to be spoken within the walls of your room. “and you, five star–” 

he couldn’t finish his sentence. his words got caught in his throat. he was afraid that if he kept talking, he wouldn’t be able to stop. he didn’t know if there was a universe out there where fighting for you wouldn’t be worth it. had you been thinking about him all this time you’d been apart? have your thoughts been plagued by the idea of him? all he could think of was you. all his songs were about you. it seemed like everything had been about you since he met you. 

is it too much too soon to even say things like that? luke didn’t know where you stood, if you even felt the same way about him as he did about you. how evil must the world be to have you exist in his orbit but not allow him to fight for you? 

the corner of your lips lifted a tiny bit and luke knew he didn’t need to say anything else. you understood. 

luke wanted to stop you when you removed your hand from his, but he didn’t want to test his luck. you dug through the drawer by your bed, pulling out the familiar vape, “i could really go for a smoke right now but this stupid thing died.” 

an idea popped into luke’s mind. he got up, motioning for you to do the same. you stayed seated on your bed, eyebrow raised in concern. 

“come on,” luke sighed, playfully rolling his eyes when you still refused to get up. he held out his hand, looking down at you. “you trust me?” 

you glanced at him then at his hand, deciding. it felt like a loaded question, like he was asking about something more than if you’d go with him to whatever adventure he had planned for the both of you. his heart hammered in his chest as he waited for your answer. you didn’t say anything to his question, unsure if you could rationalize your decision, but when you laced your fingers with his, luke didn’t let go of your hand until you were both out of the campgrounds.

[dr-spectre]

Talking about Side Order and... Marina. (SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!)

You know, i really enjoyed Side Order, like it wasn't perfect or anything but i had such a blast with it and if they continue to expand on it we could have something REALLY amazing. My reaction to the GOD DAMN TUTORIAL BOSS GOT ME HYPERVENTILATING! IM NOT JOKING! IT WAS SO EXCITING AND SHOCKING!!! THE FINAL BOSS WAS INCREDIBLE TOO! I was singing along to Spectrum Obligato and WHEN THEY BROUGHT IN THE STUFF FROM THE LIVE CONCERT VERSION OF EBB AND FLOW MY JAW DROPPED!!!

However i gotta admit, the story could have been better, what was the deal with the Octoling engineers Marina was talking about? That goes completely nowhere and i thought it was gonna build to something with the repeat playthroughs of the final boss.

And of course, the biggest missed opportunity in my opinion, Marina Agitando.

Now look, i wanna say right off the bat, the design is excellent, it was so smart to bring back her Order outfit and make her into a giant abomination that moves in such a weird way that makes you feel uncomfortable. When i saw her for the very first time when you enter the room, i stood there for at least a solid minute in complete disbelief and shock seeing a giant Marina in some octopus tentacle heart thingy that beats and pumps with the music. The song that plays too "Unconscience" is such a BANGER and honestly it rivals Octo Callie's Bomb Rush Blush remix in my opinion.

The build up for this was pretty good too, seeing Marina say "help me" before she was knocked unconscious and then possessed by Overlorder BROKE ME! I was like "OH NO! ITS HAPPENING AGAIN! NOT MARINA!!" The build up to the 10th floor was so anxiety inducing because you know in the back of your mind that Marina is gonna fight you but you don't know what it's gonna look like, if you were there since Splatoon 2 and have watched Pearl and Marina since the beginning then this build up is even more anxiety inducing and its pretty damn good. And once you free Marina she feels so sorry about what happened and helps you out to put things right, heck she goes through a small character arc of embracing chaos.... but... i have to say...

It is unfortunately not executed that well or with any depth in my opinion because they repeated the whole thing of "oh no a character we know is evil because of (quote on quote) mind control!!!! oh noooo!!" Which is a tired trope in this series that needs to stop or else I'm gonna get REALLYYYYYY pissed off.

I've done enough ranting about Callie's villain arc and how that has been misinterpreted and stuff, but for Marina, i really wish they didn't do the whole "oh no a character is evil because of an evil character oh nooo!! we gotta save them!!" thing again and i wish Marina was more of a villain with a sad motivation for her actions. As much as its cute to see Pearl and Marina act all flirty with each other in Side Order, it kinda ruins the mysterious and dark tone of the story that was teased from the trailers and the tutorial in my opinion. Everything is also explained so quickly early on which really sucks. I really wish Marina was actually conscious throughout her time as Marina Agitando and most of it should have been her fault. She does blame herself for creating Overlorder but it's kinda brushed aside quickly and Marina ends up being totally fine and free of guilt. There isn't enough depth to it which is so lame and a missed opportunity.

Marina is flawed, she makes mistakes and acts emotional and angry sometimes. We have seen a side of Marina where she snaps at Pearl when she loses Splatfests and has shown signs that she still hasn't recovered from her time before she met Pearl.

She picked team Order because she was genuinely scared that her new life would fall apart and she doesn't wanna lose the people (especially Pearl) that she's met and grown to love. Marina is also heavily theorized to be on the autism spectrum and as someone who is autistic, i can see myself in Marina, they could have really explored Marina's psyche and mental health in Side Order but they just... didn't. Instead she's put to sleep and controlled by her ai child and all of the focus is put on stopping it like a traditional "oh no we gotta stop an evil ai!! oh noo!!" story... ugh... I mean Smollusk is cute i guess but there's not a ton to them and they come off as yet another "evil ai that wants order and control!! roarrr!!!"

From reading the most recent interview on Side Order and seeing the concept art, they said that they wanted to tell a story about Marina losing herself to a machine that she created. Could you imagine how tragic it would have been to learn more about Marina and how she's so wrapped up in anxiety that she decides to make this replica of Inkopolis Square and make the Memverse? Maybe at first she makes it to help Sanitized Octolings just like in the dlc, but then maybe due to overwork and burnout (which Pearl mentions in the tutorial by the way), her emotions and anxiety become so strong that she becomes consumed by it, this obsession of order and trying to achieve happiness takes over her and then she gets the idea to spread this order to the real world, where her friends can be "happy" and "safe." Maybe Overlorder is still there but they just whisper to Marina, manipulate and point her in the right direction to continue to her mission of order instead of just fucking knocking her out and using her as a meat puppet for 5 minutes.

Could you imagine how much better the build up would have been to not see Marina until you get to the 30th floor for the first time and you got to unlock her diary entries beforehand? Seeing her thought process and her slow descent into becoming an antagonist. I'm not sure how they would have changed the permanent upgrades but they could have thought of something man. I get that they wanted to subvert expectations but, i think they should have gone WAY further with Marina Agitando.

I was waiting for Pearl and Marina to have their "Tidal Rush" moment where it's this emotional battle between the two, could you imagine how DEVISTATING a remix of Ebb and Flow would have been if it had gotten that "Tidal Rush" type of remix? Pearl singing her parts in this chaotic and emotional way, on the brink of tears trying to get Marina back and calm her down, and Marina trying to fight back against her words, not wanting to believe her because she's so wrapped up trying to make them both happy in her way. She's so caught up in order that she has forgotten what Pearl wants, that Pearl wants to be with her and go against any obstacle that stands in their way together. God i would have cried seeing that I'm not gonna lie. Maybe once Marina starts to think rationally, she breaks free from the machine and then leaps into Pearl's arms, and then we have to go back up the 30 floors to fight Overlorder and we slowly see Marina learn to embrace chaos throughout the floors instead of it just being at the final boss.

I really do feel like Splatoon has this issue of trying to appeal way too hard to kids and being really scared to dive into the flaws of these characters. They are so avoidant of being more serious and they hide it away in optional collectables and obscure posts on social media that creates misinformation and stories that feel way too undeveloped. They just say "oh this character has been brainwashed!!" which is such a lazy and bullshit trope they slap on these characters to avoid getting into their flaws for some stupid reason. (Hell that word has lost all meaning to me now to be honest. Like no, Callie wasn't "brainwashed" per say, hypnosis is not brainwashing or mind control I've said that a trillion times in other blog posts but whatever. Agent 3 was knocked out and had no clue on what was happening. They weren't "brainwashed" they were used as a puppet from a fucking goopy telephone for five minutes while they were asleep. Maybe its poor translation i don't know.)

I know that Splatoon is made for all ages and primarily for children but, i find that to be a stupid excuse for bad storytelling, a good story with depth that's explored and set up properly can be applied to all kinds of age groups not just adults. And the adults that say that shit too, why do you think like that? Why do you wish to dismiss that sort of thing in media? So what if it's made for kids? Adults write these stories and plant themes and arcs into them. Why do you think people cried over the Rosalina storybook in Mario Galaxy and think its the best part of that game? You don't want that kind of stuff in games because "they are made for kids"? Why do you think there are so many adults in the Splatoon community hmm?

I am so worried for Deep Cut in the next game because i really don't want this to happen again, i want an actual proper villain arc for either Frye or Shiver. No hypnosis, no brainwashing, no mind control. Just a pure fucking villain arc caused by the flaws of the characters and without the involvement of a third party. Please, i wanna see growth in these characters that is explored way more clearly and better. Or maybe don't do a villain arc again and just have Deep Cut be fully happy with each other and develop their relationship more with lore and backstory. PLEASE!

Anyways ramble over, thank you for reading!

[bellaturner]

I Wanna Be Yours - pt 2

Contains smut (and some fluff ig?)

Summary: You and Alex reconcile with your brother, Matt, after he accidentally walked in on the two of you kissing.

Warnings: Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it irl).

3,1k words

Part 1 ✧ Masterlist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"What the fuck is going on here?" Matt's voice was filled with disbelief.

Alex's hands were still entwined in your hair, his warm breath dancing across your lips.

Heat surged to your cheeks as you wished for this surreal dream turned into a nightmare to end. Shutting your eyes tight, you hoped for a sudden awakening, yet reality persisted when you opened them, locking gazes with Matt.

"Big bear, let me explain," you approached him, your words barely audible. The pain etched on his face cut deep, knowing you were the cause.

"Don't bother. Bringing you along was a damn mistake." He turned to go, frustration thick in his voice. "I get it, you're in your 'rockstar phase,' but seriously? My fucking sister? Can't believe it." The door slammed shut behind him.

"Shit," you muttered under your breath, rushing towards the door, but Alex's grip halted you.

"Don't," he said firmly, his touch easing from your arm.

"We fucked up, Alex," you admitted, tears streaming down your cheeks.

"It'll be alright, sweetheart," he murmured, his arms enveloping you, his nose nestled atop your head. "I'll talk to him. We'll sort this out," his promise accompanied a tender kiss on your forehead.

The room felt heavy with regret and tension, and you couldn't shake off the guilt that had settled in your chest.

"He's right, Alex," you murmured, your voice trembling. "I should have thought about the consequences before we let things escalate."

Alex's fingers gently brushed against your hair as he held you, his touch a reassuring anchor in the storm of emotions. "We both made a mistake," he admitted softly. "But we'll find a way to make things right."

Tears continued to flow down your cheeks as you clung to him, your heart aching for the pain you had caused your brother and the mess you found yourself in. "I never wanted to hurt him like this," you whispered, your voice laced with remorse.

"I know, babygirl," Alex whispered back, caressing your hair.

With a heavy sigh, you leaned back slightly, looking up at him with teary eyes. "Do you think he'll ever forgive us?"

Alex's gaze softened as he cupped your face, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. "I'll talk to him."

You nodded, taking a deep breath to steady your emotions. "I'll apologize too, Alex. I need him to know how truly sorry I am."

The road trip to the next concert location was somewhat awkward. Nick and Jamie could sense that something was wrong, and it was clear to anyone on the tour bus. Alex spent the whole time pretending to compose something, avoiding eye contact with you and Matt. Your brother had his annoyed poker face on, and your eyes were swollen and red from all the crying.

"So," Jamie started, trying to test the waters, "Do you guys have any plans for tonight?" he asked, his gaze alternating between Alex and Matt.

There was silence, and it seemed like no one wanted to address the elephant in the room.

"I guess we could all go out for a drink," Alex finally murmured, raising his eyes to look at Matt for the first time since the incident.

Matt considered the suggestion for a moment, his expression still tense. "Fine," he replied, his voice tinged with irritation.

The tension in the air was palpable, and it was clear that this was going to be one of those nights where the group dynamic was strained.

After what felt like forever but had only been about four hours, the tour bus finally pulled up at the hotel where you'd be staying for the next couple of days. Matt, who usually helped you get off the bus, left before everyone else.

"Bear," you called after him, but he was already gone.

You sighed and got up, heading down the few steps to leave the bus. Alex reached out to help, but you declined, not wanting to call unnecessary attention to yourselves.

You grabbed your luggage from under the bus and went to the hotel reception to check in. A single tear welled up in your eye; though you could do it yourself, Matt always handled this task. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found.

With your room key in hand, you headed absentmindedly to the elevator, with Alex and the band members close behind. You'd all be staying on the same floor.

"YN, is everything alright with Matt?" Nick asked, concerned. Lost in thought, you didn't respond; your mind was elsewhere, and you hadn't even heard his question.

Alex discreetly touched the small of your back, snapping you back to reality. You realized that all eyes were on you.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention," you stammered, feeling your face flush. Nick repeated his question, but fortunately, the elevator stopped just before you had to answer. You simply shrugged and nodded in response, exiting without saying your goodbyes to the band. You figured you'd catch up with them in a few hours, anyway.

Once inside the room, you tossed your stuff around, searching for your favorite jumper – the one that always comforted you when you felt down. Deciding a shower would help you unwind and give Matt some space, you made a silent promise to talk to him later.

As soon as you steppes out of the bathroom, you heard a faint knock. Quickly put on a robe you opened the door cautiously, revealing Alex standing in the corridor, concern etched across his face.

"Hey," he said softly, his eyes searching yours for answers.

"Hey," you replied, your voice tinged with exhaustion.

He stepped inside your room, and you closed the door behind him. He glanced around, running a hand through his hair and taking in the scattered luggage and the aftermath of the emotional storm that had just passed.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, his concern deepening. He knew that you scatter your things around when changing, but the state of your room was like nothing Alex had ever seen before.

You let out a heavy sigh and sank onto the edge of the bed, mimicking him by running a hand through your disheveled hair. "Honestly, Alex, I don't even know anymore. Everything just got so messed up, and I don't want to hurt Matt, but..."

"May I?" Alex asked as he moved closer, pointing toward the spot beside you on the bed.

You nodded, and he took a seat beside you. You rested your head on his shoulder, silence filled the room.

"This is weird, you know," you said faintly, lifting your head to look Alex in the eyes "I've had a crush on you for as long as I can remember."

Al's lips curled into a gentle smile, his accent adding a touch of charm to his words. "Oh darling, you have no clue how many times I've fantasized about you."

His eyes held a mix of desire and affection as he cupped your face, his lips meeting yours in a soft, lingering kiss. The connection between you two was undeniable.

Breaking the kiss, you leaned your forehead against his, your breaths mingling as you tried to make sense of the chaos around you. "Alex, what are we going to do about Matt?"

He let out a sigh, his fingers tracing soothing patterns on your back. "We'll talk to him together. I'll make him understand how much you mean to me."

"Do I mean something to you?" you asked, your voice quivering as you closed your eyes tightly, anxious about his response.

His hands lightly touched your chin, prompting you to raise your head and open your eyes. Alex's gaze held yours, his tone gentle and sincere. "More than you know, YN. You're not just a hook-up. You're someone I care deeply about. I always did, in my own fucked up way."

Tears welled up in your eyes as his words sank in. "I care about you too, Alex. But I don't want to lose my brother over this."

"We won't," he reassured you, his thumb brushing away a tear. He then cast an appreciative gaze over your body, a mischievous smile forming on his lips. "Now, as much as I want to be the one to take that robe off," he said, studying your attire, "You should go get dressed so we can go talk to Matt, and figure this out together."

A faint smile crossed your lips as you let out a soft laugh. You made your way to the bathroom, and a couple of minutes later, you emerged fully dressed.

"You look-" Alex started, but you didn't let him finish.

"Oh, don't even, Al." you exclaimed "I'm upset and I dressed comfortably, not stylishly."

"I know that hoodie," he said with a sad smile on his face "Are you that upset?" he inquired, approaching you with his arms open, hugging you.

You nodded against his chest. You stayed like this for a couple minutes, just listening to Alex's heartbeat and taking deep breaths, his hands holding you tightly.

"Let's go talk to Matt" you said, taking a deep breath.

The short walk to your brother's room felt like an eternity as your heart raced with anticipation and anxiety.

Alex knocked softly on Matt's door, and you both waited in tense silence. After what seemed like an eternity, the door creaked open, revealing Matt standing there, his expression a mix of anger, hurt, and confusion.

"What do you two want?" Matt's voice was sharp, his eyes narrowing as he looked at you and then at Alex.

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the situation pressing on your chest. "Matt, we need to talk," you began, your voice steady despite the nervousness that gnawed at you.

Alex chimed in, his accent carrying a soothing tone. "Yeah, mate, we messed up, and we want to make things right."

Matt's gaze shifted between the two of you, his arms folded defensively across his chest. "Make things right? You slept with my sister, Alex. How the hell are you going to make that right?"

"Woah, hold up, Big Bear," you said, raising your hands defensively. "We didn't sleep together," you clarified, making sure to emphasize that point. "Can we come in, Matt, please?" you added, your gaze locked onto his.

Matt stepped aside, allowing you and Alex to enter his room. You both took seats on the sofa near the entrance, ready to continue the conversation.

You glanced at Alex, who gave you an encouraging nod. Taking a deep breath, you began, "Matt, I need you to listen to us, okay? I know what you saw back there was... well, it looked bad, but it's not what you think."

"YN, love, you don't know Alex," Matt began with concern in his voice. "I've been his friend since we were six, okay? And I've been touring with him from the beginning. Only God knows how many hearts he's broken by now."

"Thanks, mate," Alex muttered, earning a side-eye from you that conveyed a clear 'shut up' message.

You spoke up, meeting Matt's gaze. "I've known Alex for just as long as you have, Matt."

Your brother sighed deeply, his brow furrowing in thought. After a moment, he said, "YN, can I have a moment alone with Alex?"

"Yes, sure," you replied, getting out of your seat and walking towards the room. Closing the door behind you, you sat at the edge of your brother's bed, your heart pounding in your chest. The muffled sounds of Alex and Matt's voices arguing made your stomach churn. The fear that Matt might never forgive you invaded your thoughts.

Just when you were about to reach your breaking point, Matt opened the door and asked you to join them.

You entered the room and found Matt and Alex both sitting on the sofa, their expressions tense. It was clear that they had exchanged some heated words during their private conversation. You took a deep breath, ready to face whatever was coming.

Matt glanced at you, his frustration still evident, but he seemed somewhat calmer now. "Look, YN," he began, his tone more composed, "I've had some time to talk with Alex, and we've had a… frank discussion."

Alex nodded in agreement, his usual confidence replaced by a more serious demeanor. "We've hashed things out," he added, giving you a reassuring nod.

You nodded back, relieved that they had talked things through, but still anxious about the outcome. "So, where do we go from here?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly.

"I'm your brother, not your boss or anything, so I can't forbid you from living your life," Matt said with a genuine smile. "And Alex promised me that he'd take good care of you."

Feeling grateful and emotional, you jumped out of your seat and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Matt," you replied, your voice filled with sincerity. "I promise we'll always be honest with you, and I really appreciate your trust in us."

"You're my little sister, YN. I just want you to be happy," Matt said as he held you. "So," he continued, letting go and getting up with a playful grin, "shall we go out? Jamie and Nick must be waiting."

Matt and Alex exchanged a friendly smile and a hug. "I promise not to hurt her, Matt," Alex reassured him.

"You better," Matt replied, his tone light but firm, "or I'll kill you."

The three of you joined Jamie and Nick, who were sitting in the hotel's lounge area. Their expressions shifted from curiosity to relief as they saw you approach, seemingly in good spirits.

"Everything alright?" Jamie asked cautiously, glancing at each of you.

Matt put his arm around your shoulders and squeezed gently. "Yeah, everything's fine," he assured them with a reassuring smile.

Nick raised an eyebrow, clearly wanting more details but deciding not to press further. "Great. I heard there's a good bar around the corner" he suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good!" you exclaimed, hugging Alex.

He hugged you back, and you dared to share a quick kiss, which left Jamie and Nick momentarily stunned, unsure of how to react.

When you opened your eyes, you saw Nick passing Jamie a $10 bill.

"Did you dickheads bet on my sister?" Matt exclaimed, a mix of surprise and irritation in his voice.

"Pfff," Alex mocked. "Only 10 bucks?" he joked, earning a playful slap on his arm.

The evening at the bar continued, filled with shared stories, laughter, and even a bit of dancing. You couldn't help but notice how Alex's eyes never left you for long, and every touch and smile exchanged between you felt a dream.

As the hours passed, the atmosphere became more relaxed, and it seemed that the initial tension had completely dissipated. You found yourself enjoying the night, basking in the happiness of the moment.

Eventually, as the clock neared closing time, you all decided it was time to head back to the hotel. The group walked back together, arm in arm. Once you reached the hotel, you exchanged goodnight wishes with everyone and headed to your room. The day had taken an emotional toll on you, and you eagerly anticipated some much-needed rest.

Just as you were about so lay down, you heard a knock. A broad smile graced Alex's face as you opened it. "Tonight turned out better than I could have hoped," he said, enfolding you in a warm embrace.

You snuggled against him, closing the door and finding comfort and contentment in his arms. "Yes, it did," you replied, gazing up at him with a gentle smile. "Thank you for being here, Alex."

He leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a lingering kiss. "Always, princess," he whispered gently against your mouth, "I'll always be here for you." His kiss intensified, evoking a moan from you that left both of you breathless. "I'm going to use your body now, pumpkin," he murmured with desire, his voice filled with lust. He grasped a handful of your hair, revealing your neck, and covered it with passionate, open-mouthed kisses.

"Fuck, Alex," you let out a soft whimper as he trailed kisses down to your breasts, guiding you both towards the bed.

"Do you want me to stop, darling?" he asked, gently pushing you onto the mattress.

"I don't." you replied.

"Good, then shut up and let me please you," he whispered against your skin, his hot breath sending shivers all the way down to your core.

He sucked one of your nipples while playing with the other, making you moan loudly. "Shhh, baby, it's okay," he soothed you, but it only made you want him even more.

It was ridiculous how quickly Alex could build you up. He had barely touched you and you were already pooling in your panties for him. "Alex, I need you to fuck me, please," you begged him.

He promptly got up and removed his clothes, while you took your pants off. The sight of him naked was enough to bring you to the edge, and you definitely felt like jumping.

He stroked himself lightly, making you exhale in anticipation. "Alex, can i suck you, please?" you asked shyly, feeling your face turn red.

"Oh, babydoll, as much as I want it, I'm about to explode and I want to do so inside you little cunt," he said in a voice so erotic it melted you. He placed himself on top of you and without a warning he completely filled you up, eliciting a loud moan.

"Oh fuck, Al," your voice was light and breathy, and your vision was filled with stars. He picked up his pace, reaching of G-spot over and over again. "Shit, Alex, slow down, I'm don't want to come just yet," You could feel the sweet release of an orgasm approaching, but you wanted to savor the moment a little more.

"I'm right there with you, pup," he muttered. "Come for me, baby," he asked and you have no choice but to give him what he wanted. His lips crashed against yours as you enjoyed the high, his following shortly after.

Alex sprawled out on top of you, both of you breathing heavily and working to catch your breath after the intense moment you'd just shared.

"I can't believe we've never done that before," Alex whispered between breaths, and a soft chuckle escaped your lips in response.

The last thing you recall is Alex's fingers tracing soothing patterns on your back, and his steady heartbeat beneath your ear offering a comforting rhythm. Shortly after, you both drifted into peaceful sleep, and you couldn't remember the last time you felt so happy.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

AFTER ALMOST THREE MONTHS, IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!!

I promise you I'm trying my bestto write fics, but it's med school admission test season and I'm just so stressed with it 😩

BUT, iwby part 2 is finally here and I wanted to thank @malina-33 for the amazing suggestions, I hope you enjoy it, Mal 💕

Oh, this is not proof read (and I'm pretty drunk right now) so please excuse any grammar mistakes and typos (I'm the queen of typos even when I'm sober fml).

Anyways, thanks for reading💕💕

~ Bella

[divinelolita]

TOM X READER: CHEATER

hqehbbwuhd

"God fucking damn it, I knew it!" M/N shouted loudly, his hands going up to grab his hair and tug on it out of anger. He couldn't even look at Tom, he felt like a bubble about to burst. "I didn't do anything!" Tom sneered, his own hands balling into fists at his side as he chewed his bottom lip at an attempt to calm down. It didn't work.

"You didn't do anything?" M/N mimicked, chest rapidly falling and rising with each second. He pulled Tom's phone out of his pocket, where he had originally stored it, and pulled up past messages of Tom and some girl. M/N really had no fucking clue who she was but it was clear Tom knew her very well. He started to scroll through them, hands shaking so hard he could hardly read the messages himself.

Yet M/N could tell that Tom had taking a very strong liking to this girl as he had texted her two times as much a day he had texted M/N. Each message the dreadhead sent was atleast two sentences long, some being quite...explicit.

M/N watched as Toms eyes scanned the phone, mouth agape. His eyes flickered over to the (color) boys face, but instead of his eyes being filled with remorse they were filled with fury and disgust.

"You went through my fucking phone? What the hell!" Tom hollered, yanking the phone out of M/N's grasp. M/N winced slightly, rubbing his fingers over as he stared at Tom in confusion. His boyfriend- ex boyfriend - didn't even apologize. This was so different than the Tom he was used to..it was like Tom's triplet, Thomas, had come along and completely took over Tom's mind.

M/N let out a soft laugh, although he felt anything but humorous. "Of course I did! The way you would immediately hung up on someone whenever I walked in the room? Or how you celebrated Valentine's Day with me on the fucking 15? Damn right I went through it!"

For once, Tom seemed at a loss for words. He would normally have some cocky comeback or joke to add but no, not today. He could only stare at M/N with an expression M/N couldn't quite read. Then, after what seemed like moments of silence, M/N began to speak again.

"Why?" he asked, voice wobbly as tears began to gloss over his eyes. Tom looked frustrated, at the situation or M/N himself, he couldn't tell. Tom, shuffled from foot to foot before taking a deep breath and looking M/N directly in the eye.

"I just..you didn't.." Tom trailed off, his own voice getting wobbly as he tried to find the right words, "..you didn't give me what I needed." he finished coldly, face now showing barley any emotion. M/N wanted to sob, he really had tried his best.

No, no, he did his best. He spent so much time with Tom, going out to eat, to picnics, to the arcade, to the concerts.. Hell, he'd given everything to this fucker! Who was he to tell him he didn't do enough?

"Didn't give you what you needed.." M/N repeated quietly to himself, humming to try to keep himself from crying. He was about to speak before Tom spoke first, "I needed love..we haven't..we haven't done anything in months! No sex, no nothing! Fuck, not even a handjob! I'm a normal man, M/N! I wanted love! "

"And I wanted loyalty!" M/N shot back, tears now silently streaming down his cheeks. He sniffled, a hand going to wipe them away. He heard Tom sigh loudly, but he couldn't force himself to make eye contact. "Look, honey, why don't we just sit down and talk about it, yeah?" Tom cooed sweetly, a whole new personality had wiped over him. Thomas was gone, Tom was back.

When M/N didn't respond, it was obvious that Tom had gotten a little nervous and aggravated. "M/N? Babe? Let's go talk.." he tried again, a hand reaching out to hold him and-

"No." M/N said quickly, swatting Tom's hand away as he took a step back. Tom's eyes narrowed, but he retracted his hand and stood still. "No? What do you want me to do M/N? I'm trying so hard to understand-"

"I want you to leave my house." M/N murmured, just above a whisper.

And so Tom did.

[pollymorgan]

Teacher Negan - The Football Game - Part 3

Warnings: Of course, there's still a big age difference and Negan is an absolute asshole.

I confess to him that I will be a student at his high school after the summer holidays and therefore lied about my age. I stare at the ceiling, not daring to look at him, but even without eye contact, I feel the tension in the room.

Negan sits up and runs his hands over his face. I dare a quick look at his naked back.

"Shit.." he mumbles softly and then repeats it louder, "Damn shit!"

He turns abruptly to me and looks me directly in the eyes. I can't really decipher his gaze, but I know I've screwed up big time. I am painfully aware of that now.

"Do you realize that with this whole action, you have not only jeopardized my job but damn it, everything?" You can feel he's trying to stay calm, but his voice trembles and sends shivers down my spine.

I sit up now and try to hide my naked body under the covers. I feel incredibly vulnerable and exposed.

With a trembling voice, I try to justify myself. "I'm sorry, I.. I didn't know that...".

"This whole thing must never be found out! Understand?!" he interrupts me without hesitation. He doesn't even acknowledge what I'm trying to explain. My words don't reach him, so I reply only as expressively as possible. "Of course not!!".

He shakes his head in disbelief and then thinks for a moment. The silence in the room makes me feel my heartbeat so clearly that I could swear you can hear it pounding.

Suddenly, Negan stands up and without looking at me, he says emotionlessly, "I'll call you a taxi and then go shower. By the time I'm done, you'll be gone!"

As he says this, I feel my throat tighten. I would like to cry, to get rid of the feeling of not being able to breathe, but I pull myself together as best as I can. When he leaves the bedroom, I can already hear him starting to make a phone call. Quickly, I get up and gather my things from the floor to get dressed quickly.

When I accidentally discover a notepad and pens on his desk, I tear off a piece of paper and write on it "I'm really sorry, but I don't want to undo this night! Sam." Below that, I place my phone number. I have no idea what I hope to achieve with this. I know that this note will probably be torn into a thousand pieces and thrown in the trash in a few minutes. Then I quietly leave the house, as if I want to slip away.

The next few days are really tough for me. I constantly beat myself up with feelings of guilt and can't even talk to anyone about what happened. And the worst part is that I strangely miss Negan. Scenes from that night play over and over in my mind. I imagine how his skin felt on mine. How he looked at me. His dominant voice. The feeling of his fingers, his tongue, his penis. Never has a man driven me so crazy. But why him of all people?

I catch myself constantly staring at my phone. Hoping he didn't throw away my number and would contact me. But of course, no message from him comes.

I only have one option left. I have to get him out of my head and hope that we run into each other as rarely as possible at school. And that won't be too hard, I tell myself. It's a pretty big high school after all.

My cousin keeps asking me and wants to know who or what is responsible for my bad mood. But the fact that I can't talk to her about it depresses me even more. I constantly come up with excuses. "I miss my old clique.. moving is more emotional than I thought!" I lie to her.

She convinces me to make the most of the rest of my summer holidays and introduces me to some of her friends, and luckily, she is so persistent because over time, I have more and more fun. They are really great friends who are up for any activity and distract me perfectly.

The weather is wonderful, and this city offers so many opportunities. Hardly a day goes by when we're not out and about. Shopping malls, swimming pools, sports events, concerts, bars, nightclubs. Over time, I already know my new hometown quite well.

I wish these holidays would never end. But all good things come to an end. I've painfully experienced that several times already, so I have only one week of free time left.

My cousin, a handful of other friends, and I are once again sitting in one of our favorite places in the evening. We've been out all day and are pretty tired, but none of us can say no to one last drink.

I'm about to take a selfie with my friends when I see on my display that I have three missed calls from an unknown number. Surprised, I stare at my phone, which I had silenced so low that I probably didn't hear it ring in the bar's noise. It starts vibrating in my hand again. The same number flashes. Hesitantly, I press the green call button and say loudly, to drown out the background noise, "Hello?"

"Sam? Are you there?" answers a familiar deep voice. A lightning bolt shoots through my body, and my heart skips a beat. Almost automatically, I stand up and move away from my friends, who look at me questioningly.

"Negan?" I ask cautiously.

"It feels so good to hear your voice, damn it, how many times have I imagined it in the last few days!" he says slightly slurred. Oh man, is he drunk?

I can't think clearly and am completely overwhelmed by the situation. I leave the bar purposefully, and the warm night air gives me a chance to take a deep breath again.

"What do you want?" I ask, confused.

"What do I want? I want you, of course, but I can't have you, and that's the damn problem. Tell me you think of me too.. Please, I need to hear it..!".

Oh yes, he's definitely drunk. But as the saying goes, drunk people and little children always tell the truth. And the fact alone that he still has my number makes a lot clear to me.

"I think about you all the time.." I confess, watching the bright lights of passing cars. All the feelings I've successfully suppressed in the past weeks now come rushing back like an avalanche.

"I want you here, to touch you, to see your beautiful smile, Sam. I don't want to have to imagine it anymore.." he whispers into the phone, giving me goosebumps.

"Okay, give me 30 minutes, and I'll be there..." I say decisively into the phone. Suddenly, there is a strange silence on the other end. I wait for his response, my pulse racing wildly.

Hesitantly, he says, "That's not possible.. My wife is back from her cure, and besides, it wouldn't be right. It would be so damn wrong...".

I can't believe he's saying this. He calls me to reopen all wounds and make me feel bad. He was the one who invited me after the football game. He seduced me and took me to his place, even though he's married. He was the one who kicked me out and is now calling me after weeks just to reject me again.

It suddenly dawns on me that I wasn't the villain in this whole situation. Resolutely, I speak into the phone. "Negan, you know what? Just delete my number and forget everything that happened between us." With these words, I press the red call button with trembling fingers. I couldn't have handled a response from him at this point.

[kenphobia]

EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE!

"Y'know, like a liar."

alt title. i have a degree in emotional baggage

summary. when you become friends with Ai for so long, the line blurs between camaraderie and romantic interest. ( 1.2k words / drabble / see end notes )

contents. gn!reader (they/them prms used), angst, hurt no comfort, canonical character death, not proofread. this will be turned into a series

on ao3 . on wattpad .

If anyone asked (Name) if they know who Ai Hoshino is, they'd instantly say no.

Lying had always been one of their many abilities, even so to the point they can keep their entire life under wraps. Not even their own boss, Strawberry Productions' president, know a whole lot about them other than what's said on their résumé.

Was it to protect themself? Was it to convince people to like them? They weren't sure anymore. They had kept up this act for as long as they remembered, and so long that they forgot what they were doing this for. It goes to show just how much effort (Name) had put into their lies, building excuses and reasons on top of each other, only for it to come crashing down because of another liar. And that liar happened to Ai Hoshino, the very idol herself.

At first glance, you wouldn't expect a star sensation like Ai becoming close friends with nearly faceless NPC. But life loves to deceive and bend standard societial 'rules'.

Almost every single day, Ai and (Name) are stuck by each other's metaphorical hips. The little winks Ai sends to the camera when she knows they're watching; the sudden boost of happiness and motivation sparkling in the girl's being whenever (Name) comes to her concerts, no matter how small and cramped the venue may be.

(Name) puts all their damn hardest into their friendship as well. After all, for Ai, they're willing to do anything just to make her smile. Even if it meant risking their job position to ensure Ai continues to shine brighter tham ever, smiling without a care of the world. Bentos after bentos, all packed and meticulously put together in a cutesy manner; Constant texts and phone calls, reminding Ai to take care of herself and stay always alert of her surroundings— They did everything to let Ai know that they consider her as a friend, not just a one-time co-worker.

They were friends, and they always will be no matter what happens. So when Ai called (Name) over to a rural little town, they didn't expect that the said idol was pregnant.

"Promise me, (Name). You won't tell this to anybody." The president, Ichigo, begged and grasped their shoulders. But (Name) quickly pushed his hands away, muttering curses underneath their breath.

"I promised like... What? fifteen times? I'm not some lousy mole rat that's going to snitch on their bestest friend." (Name) rolled their eyes, eyes glancing through the door's small window. Though it was frosted glass, they could clearly see Ai relaxing in her bed and caressing her belly.

"But still..." Ichigo bit his bottom lip. "Fine, I trust you. But you better not break this trust or else."

"I know, boss." (Name) merely mumbled. They turned away and held the door handle, readying themself to meet Ai's ever so starry gaze. "I know."

And when you stepped inside, Ai suddenly went into labor.

It's been years ever since Ai gave birth to the twins, Aquamarine and Ruby. And being Ai's best friend comes with a cost, and that was becoming her kids' babysitter. (Name) had little to no complaints about this, knowing full well how hard parenting is (I mean, look how they turned out—their mother completely gave up on them), but their co-babysitter, Miyako had some.

But it was nothing that couldn't be fix with a little bit of elbow gease and a lot of convincing. The four of them managed to pull it off fairly well and not a single peep about Ai's kids came out to the public.

Speaking of the kids...

"Aqua, Ruby. it's time to sleep." (Name) groaned for the seventh time, rubbing their numbing face. Though they called out for the blonde-haired babs, they wouldn't get away from the TV and continued to watching their dazzling mother perform on stage. "You know this is recorded and you can watch it tomorrow, right?"

Ruby whined. "But watching it live is so much better!! It feels like you're actually there!"

"Still though... Your mom's gonna be mad at me if she finds out that I've been letting you two stay up past your bedtime." (Name) shook your head.

"Just one more! And we promise we will sleep!" Ruby pleaded whilst Aqua didn't bother looking away from the screen, too mesmerized by the flashing colors on screen.

"... Fine. But you two better sleep or I swear—"

"We will!"

They, in fact, did not sleep after that. And rather Ai, it was Miyako scolding (Name) for letting the kids be awake at such hours. But at least, the pop sensation found the entire situation amusing rather than being angry at them.

Through it all, (Name) had been with Ai. Never as friends, but not quite like lovers either. They both know that it wouldn't end well for them, but there's a scratching hand in the back of their mind— a whisper, a dream of a time where they could kiss each other on the lips as free as they'd like without the public caring. But they knew it'll never happen.

The closest thing (Name) and Ai ever had to a romantic interaction was a simple brush of a hand; a hug that lasted far too long to be seen as platonic; the longing looks they gave each other when the other was sleeping. And it was never more than that.

And there will come a time where they'll regret about it all. A time where we'll regret keeping those feelings to themselves, no matter how confusing it is, the shame and sorrow of not being able to truly be honest to yourself will eat you up til your last, dying breath.

Ai sat there, clutching Aqua in her bloodied hands and feeling her pulse slipping from her grasps. "Aqua, Ruby... I love you." She whispered, loud enough for the twins to hear as she pressed her head on the door.

"Finally... I got to say it. I'm... I'm so happy." The idol cried out, forcing a smile to etch her features. The blood bled heavily and through her clothes, her eyes glossy and dazed from the tears and soreness.

Ai's smile flattered. If only she could say the same to (Name), If only they were here holding her dying body in their arms. But that would be too cruel of a wish, wouldn't it?

She chuckled, pushing herself up against the door with the little strength she had left, still cradling Aqua in her arms. As she said her final words, her body went limp. Her pulse slowly, painfully slipped away.

Nothing good happened after (Name) heard about Ai's death. With guilt, anger and remorse overwhelming their heart, they locked themself in their room for hours without end and buried themself under the blankets for a long time. All those years, they had grown accustomed to the blinding light of a computer screen and the smell of rot filling their room like Kudzu.

But they can't keep living like that forever, no, Miyako wouldn't let them. As well as the twins (although it's mostly Ruby would wants to help them, Aqua is still deep in murder mode). In the end, they pushed onwards for a better future. But they don't know if they could even call it a 'better future' when Ai isn't around anymore.

So if anyone asked (Name) if they knew who Ai Hoshino is, they'd instantly say no. Because if they did acknowledge whatever relationship they had with the late idol, they don't know if their heart could handle the emotional baggage all over again.

notes. after 8 days, i finally posted this onto tumblr!! this probs won't get as much as attention since the oshi no ko fandom here on tumblr is really really lowkey but to whoever picks this up, i hope you enjoyed this :]

i wrote this after finishimg the anime (i think they released a new episode on the streaming website im using), so it might not match with some manga lore. i really tried to protray Ai in the best way and hope that i didn't butcher up her character <//3

requests are always open and i'll be adding new fandoms to my list, oshi no ko included!

[kokobopam]

ZONE - First impression and reactions!

I've been so busy for the past two weeks that I didn't even have much time to follow their promo the way I'd liked, but I'm finally free! I wanted to write down my thoughts on Zone on the first listen, which is something I usually do on twt but I thought 20 songs would be too much for a thread, so here we are. I'd say for now my favorite songs are On My Radar, Ark, and Forever Love (if that counts lol), but overall is a no skip album for me. I seriously enjoyed it and I can't wait to listen to it again.

Songs reaction under the cut!

INTRODUCTION: A weirdly cute song. Slightly eery? but in an inviting and nice kind of way lol.

T.R.H.M: INSANE SONG. I love how extremely fun and fast-paced it is. EDM royalty. Exactly what millennials want. The beat is SO addictive.

ON MY RADAR: LOVE THAT DIRTY BASS LINE AND THE ELECTRONIC DRUM. OH GOD. LOVE THEIR VOICES. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY, IT’S TOO GOOD. Ughhh the build up to changmin’s high note is insane. CHILLLS.

PARTY LIKE MADONA: Another fun song! It has that retro vibe that you would expect from a song titled like this. I can hear it being played in a song like Barby lol. They’re really delivering all the dance songs, they’re so good.

SWEET SURRENDER: well you know how I feel about this song. Changmin’s moans, breathy voice, and his lines at the end are my personal sleep paralysis demon.

PARFUM: oh the voice layering at the beginning is so delicious. The instrumental reminds me of cbx for some reason, probably the city pop vibes. A good change of pace from the previous songs. Can they stop asking if I want to come over though? It’s messing me up.

FRESH: I’m loving this chill section of the album. Ideal for a late night drive with the windows low and enjoying the spring breeze (it’s spring here). I really like yunho’s rap here, even though it’s way too short.

うまく言えずにごめんね: I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either. It’ll grow on me. It sounds like the kind of song that works really well for concerts and then they do a video about it that makes me really emotional and I end up loving it.

LIVE YOUR LIFE: I don’t have many thoughts on this one. It’s enjoyable though. The whistling is very catchy.

IT’S TRUE IT’S HERE: Is this the toho band song?? It really sounds like them from the beginning. THIS IS A VIBE. I just can see how amazing is going to be live with the whole band and dancers showing off. They’re so good. I’m so glad Yunho and Changming have such a skilled and dedicated team with them.

DAMN GOOD: I don’t know how to explain it but this song is making me feel things. Like the ending credits of a movie where the main character finally achieves their goal. I also LOVE their voices here.

ARK: THE EMOTIONAL ROCK SONG!! THEY DID THIS FOR ME. OH TOHOSHINKI YOU’RE SO PERFECT. SUCH AN IMPRESSIVE DISPLAY OF VOCALS FROM BOTH OF THEM. I’M TEARING UP.

DEAREST: Ok, fist time listening to this song because I lost someone dear to me recently and I didn’t want to cry. I’m crying now but at least I was prepared. This is such a classic Tohoshinki ballad and I love it for that exact reason. It’ll probably end up being one of my favorites.

UTSUROI: I don’t want to comment on all the previous singles, but just let me say Utsuroi makes me so extremely emotional. I remember crying so much when the mv came out; something about their lovely harmonies plus the visuals evoked so many nice and comforting feelings in me. It still does.

No Sympathy: Is just that song. I don’t need to say anything more about it. I’m obsessed.

Forever Love: This is such a perfect song to close the album. WOW. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by how much music can make you feel? I have tears in my eyes. I love tohoshinki.

I'd love to hear your thoughts too! If you want to share them.

[stormyoceans]

MONICA!!!!!! The concert was so good!!!! 😭😭😭 I’m assuming you’re ok with spoilers so here goes 😬

The first half of the show was them playing and recreating the key scenes and singing in them which I thought would trigger me tbh but instead I think it did me good to see the scenes I loved again 🥹 and Jimmy, Mark and Sea were so freaking good they cried in some scenes and I cried seeing them cry and it was so emotional again!!! I really wanna go back and rewatch all the good parts now, it’s still 80% a really good series!!

And they did Blame the Stars together!!! And you saw they did the “can I have my shirt back” scene!!! 😵🫠

(They played the breakup scene but not the reconciliation, it kinda just skipped to “happy ending” and I’m actually glad that we don’t have to rehash all of that)

They did full group songs and unit songs and what got to me was that MarkNamtan and OhmFilm did songs but so did NamtanFilm and MarkOhm!!! The NamtanFilm song was 😙👌

They did a whole Vice Versa medley!!! They did it for me!!! 😄 I was so happy and excited to see it!!! I hope that gets more of the newer fans to go watch it!!!

Jimmy, Mark and Sea had solo moments too, love that for them!!

They were surprised with a fan made video in support of them!! 🥰

Their speeches at the end were emotional and everyone cried, including me 🥹 Sea went second to last and Jimmy went last and he spoke the most 😁

It was just under 4 hours long, it started a little late (as all GMM concerts do tbh) but it was so good and worth only getting 4 hours of sleep 😅 I really hope you get to see it and enjoy it too!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR LIVE STREAMING EXPERIENCE OF THE LAST TWILIGHT CONCERT WITH ME KAREN!!!!!!!!

ngl reading this and seeing all the clips on twitter is making me want to buy the ticket for the rerun so badly like i always knew it was gonna be great and that everyone was gonna give their all but damn. the concert actually felt so well organized and thought out, i love that they basically turned the show into a musical and gave space for all kind of performances and pairings!!!!!! i've always wanted a duet version of blame the stars and im so happy they finally gave it to us!!!!!! and seeing namtanfilm and markohm slow dance alongside jimmysea was such a blessing THEY TRULY SAID THERE AIN'T NO STRAIGHT PEOPLE LEFT IN THIS SHOW

i really wasn't expecting it, but tbh i feel the same way as you. i think this did me good. maybe im just saying this because i haven't seen any videos of the break up scene so i can just keep pretending it never happened, but the parts i did see are kind of healing the hurt i've been feeling over the last three episodes of the show and bringing back all the love and excitement i used to have for morkday

ALSO NOT TO BE DRAMATIC BUT JIMMYSEA SINGING THE ENTIRETY OF THE VICE VERSA OST WITH A BRIGHT PINK STAGE SURROUNDING THEM MADE ME CRY LIKE A BABY like i truly did not expect them to bring vice versa up because last twilight is what brought them the popularity they always deserved so i was afraid they would kinda forget about vice versa, but im honestly just so ridiculously happy and emotional to know that it's still in their heart. or at least that they know it's still in ours, even if we may be a minority in the fandom now

i already had a meltdown over jimmysea this morning and i really can't afford another one and i don't think i would even have the words to express everything i feel but. im just so proud of them. it's honestly insane to me that they were able to pull off a performance like this in such a short period of time and with such a busy schedule. their dedication, their hard work, their kindness..... I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS THESE TWO BOYS DESERVES ALL THE LOVE AND RECOGNITION IN THE WORLD

[swampstew]

Oh shit I can make requests outside from the event? Oh golly okay uh first HAPPY 200 CONGRATS!! You deserve each and everyone of them and more because I'm sure those 200 people are so happy to your blog name on their notifications like I am

But yeah um 👉🏽👈🏽 am in love with your Kid and I want to see more of him so if you like the SOUND of this feel free to give it a try, you know how Kid's like is music? Usually this lead to uh metal band Kid pirates? Yeah cool I love it BUT Kid with a partner with Auralism(me. It's me I have an auralism kink) but just imagine the possibilities!

(I am so high while writing this so sorry if it was rambly lmao)

Hiii @sluttyseaslug ~ thank you so much, that's so sweet to say<3<3<3 I'm in love with him too<3 also I see what you did there, lmao. I am high writing this so I hope I hit those notes you were listening for, or else Kid says I'm in treble (jfc i'm so sorry) :)

WC: 686. Spicy - M!n0rs DNI YOU WILL BE BLOCKED, A Kid Pirate metal concert, Kid being a little shit, CW: suggestive, auralism.

You never thought you would ever see the sight before you and yet here you were, standing in the crowd of your crewmates as you all watched your Captain, Vice-Captain, and a handful of pirates performing a show on the deck of the Victoria Punk.

You knew that Killer played drums. You knew that Kid liked to listen to music but you never knew he liked to sing too! And damn did he sing.

Belting out lyrics song after song made you feel like time had stopped entirely. An alternate reality where all there was, was him singing. His voice was jaggy, rough, like metal screeching when it was attracted to his body and molded around him on his whims; it made your blood rush, your heart race, and your brain reduce to goo.

They queued up the next song and Kid's bright, golden eyes found yours in the crowd. You offer him an excited smile and thumbs up and he winked at you!

"Oh fuck," you whisper to yourself, suddenly feeling hot and bothered. Your pants now suddenly feeling restrictive and...damp.

Here I lay Still and breathless Just like always Still, I want some more

Time was an illusion, Kid was hardly moving and yet you felt like he was everywhere all at once: on the stage, right in front of you, behind you and surrounding you as if he was singling you out with his performance. Was he? He had a mischievous look in his eyes, that bastard.

You adjusted your clothes and posture, cheeks blushing as you try to play it cool. His voice and the music were absolutely not making you aroused. Not in the middle of all your friends and crewmates. He winked at you again. Suddenly, you're too hot. Spreading from below and engulfing you.

How did he sound husky and angelic at the same time? The way his voice fluidly transitioned from breathy, raspy to sounding almost otherworldly. Was he really a punk rock sex god? A deity of sound sent to...you shake the thought. This isn't about me, you mutter to yourself. Trying to shake the horniness from your system.

Let the whole world look in Who cares who sees what tonight? Roll these misty windows Down to catch my breath and then Go and go and go just Drive me home and back again

The way the music flowed with striking notes and mellow tones, the sudden intrusion of high, sharp chords making your breath hitch, throat dry as a desert. The way he wailed the chorus vocals had you grabbing at your neck, trying to ground yourself. Desperately trying to stay in control of your emotions, your whoremones, and losing miserably. Was your Captain always this hot?

His eyes met yours again, and this time he licked his lips and then his upper teeth as he eyed you up and down. A leer suddenly on his face and your face is burning. Dumbly swiveling your head around to see if anyone else was seeing this or maybe he was eye fucking and teasing someone else? Nope, its just for you, cool cool cool cool cool.

Don't let me Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go Take me to the edge

Each go making your sex pulse and chest heave. He barely whispers the last lyric as he begins headbanging to the heavy guitars and rushed melody, making your adrenaline rush.

He leaps down from the stage as the instrumentals fade out and he struts right up to you, placing a large, hot hand on your shoulder. A shit-eating grin on his face as he takes in your flushed reaction. He knows, that bastard knows.

"You down to fuck?" Not letting your flustered and "civilian-caught-in-his-direct-path" reaction stop him, he throws you over his shoulder and marches to his cabin. Dropping you down on the bed, grin still on his handsome, asshole face.

"Yeah or?"

"Yeah," you pout, arms crossed over your still rapidly beating chest. He laughed at you, stepping back to strip off his clothes. You forgot he wasn't a gracious or kind god.

[blindluck]

i didn't wanna reply over there cus this ended up getting rly long but there's this post by @shitpostingperidot and @marvelsassbutts about carol and maria's GNR concert in 88 and my brainworms got to making up hc after hc now all i think about is how that could've been the first time they got together despite mutually pining and coparenting monica for like 4/5 years or so anywayyy

idk if there's like a screenshot frame of monica's sword file or smth that shows her birthday in exact terms so i might be going on abt nothing here but listen

mcu wiki says she was born around june/october of 1983

it also says carol and maria met in their first year of AF academy "shortly after turning 18", so that's either late 1983 or early 1984, bc carol's birthday is late 65

which means monica was already in the picture by then 🥺🥺

what i'm thinking is maria got pregnant at around 17/18 and her parents took care of monica for the first year or so when she enlisted bc why wouldn't they

but as soon as she lands the test pilot job and starts making bank they're like "i love you so much and i'm very proud of you now here's your child go be her mom"

this is like in their 2nd or 3rd year of flight school so it catches everyone by surprise, and ofc higher ups use it as excuse to subtly and passive-aggressively ground maria on paid vacations and maternity leaves

obviously she sees right through the fake benevolent facade and overcompensates by not only refusing benefits, but taking on even bigger workloads

which then obviously gets her drained and exhausted and ofc carol notices and worries

she's been trying to give maria space through the whole ordeal but there's a line between giving you space and watching you get put through the wringer without doing anything

so she finally corners maria like "hey i know this is fucked up but maybe you could find another way to stick it to them without slowly killing yourself in the process can u pls just give me a call when it's too much to handle i am begging on my knees"

("my best friend, who supported me as a mother and a pilot when no one else did")

maria does slow down a bit but she still hesitates to call for help, until one particular hard night she cracks and carol gets there at flying speed to do chores and dinner and take care of monica while maria (a single mom in her early 20s who is also an overworked test pilot) finally gets some goddamn rest

(after changing monica's diaper tho bc apparently carol can't help with that)

from then on carol pretty much moves in with them

maria starts slowing down and taking care of herself and getting her due leaves and relying more on her parents and friends and she loves monica so much and things are so overwhelmingly good right now...............except for this one small carol shaped situation

they've been roommates before, you see, and maria is very aware she's been in love with this goobster for a minute

but she's also a black single mom in the US air force she really doesn't have to make things harder on herself so she's been trying rly damn hard to keep carol at arm's length for both their sakes

carol too is very aware that she's in love with maria and probably has been since forever (she's not super in touch with her feelings to pinpoint when the gears shifted, plus thinking back on it she can't rmbr a time when she wasn't in love with her yknow)

but "maria has a kid she's straight" (wrong) and also carol is very insecure (canon) so she's afraid of rejection and doesn't wanna ruin the friendship and she'd rather have maria in her life as a friend instead of not at all

even if it breaks her to wake up literally next to the love of her life every single day and not spill her entire heart out

especially bc maria's mask slips sometimes, mostly when she's drunk (even if just a bit tipsy) or when they share a particularly emotional moment (quite often tbf, considering how close to dying the very nature of their job gets them on a regular basis)

fast forward to 1988

carol and maria pretty much live together and monica loves auntie carol to pieces and their hearts are both so close to exploding they might actually die for real at any given moment

now to finally tie back to where this whole thing started: carol brings home tickets to a GNR concert, maria stares at her dead in the eye like "bitch this is 500 miles away" and carol's like "oh..........................road trip? :D"

you'll never guess what happens there

one year later, carol's missing

presumed dead

[lostfirefly]

Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do...

I was at the gym today and "Breaking the habit" came on in the player. I remembered the video from The Red Square in Moscow. This year it's been 7 years since Chester's death and even though the anniversary of his death is still a little over a month away, I want to share with you what I wrote just a couple of days after his death. As the years go by, the emotions are still the same.

~ welcome under the cut ~

I'm holding on

Why is everything so heavy?

On July 27, 2017, Linkin Park's first concert of their North American tour was supposed to take place. People in Mansfield were supposed to take pictures of their favorite artists on their phones, happily singing not only new songs from the album, but also old hits so dear to fans' throats. After two hours of endless high, they had to go home happy. With a million new impressions.

On July 6, 2017 someone was lucky enough to see the band's last concert. Just a week ago, it was unimaginable. But now it doesn't feel like a lingering joke anymore.

Why does it feel like night today?

Something in here's not right today.

On July 20, I was coming home from the movie theater, and New Divide was playing in my headphones. I was thinking that Linkin Park had a new album out, that they were starting their American tour, and that means that they would soon reach Russia. Well, what else does my fan's heart need? A concert, the band, Chester.

That same evening, when I was surfing x/twitter with a cup of delicious tea, I saw the headline "Chester Bennington committed suicide". My first reaction was that it's a stupid joke. I mean, really, how many times has he been buried before? It doesn't make sense. Within a couple seconds, similar headlines started appearing on various news outlets. The second reaction was that it's just yellow press. But inner doubts made you turn on your laptop, put your tea aside and typed those damn four words into the search box. Four words and the enter key separated me from the first reaction. And then I saw the links, the headlines. And you know, it was like a virus that infects every cell in your body. And then I saw Mike Shinoda's tweet. He's gone. The one whose gorgeous voice was in my headphones just a couple of hours ago, he's gone. In an instant, the world was emptied of one weighty man. Why weighty? I checked websites, Facebook, Instagram. Looked how many people were crying like it was their own personal loss. It was a loss to those who loved his voice and his energy.

I can't feel the way I did before.

My introduction to Linkin Park happened pretty much the same way my 90's generation did. It was 2001, I was 14 years old. I was waiting to visit an ex-friend who burst into my house with the words: "Give me the tape recorder. I want you to hear a song. There's a man with a very beautiful voice."

And there was Crawling.

"Who's that? Linkin who? Park?" you asked.

Three minutes of buzz for your ears, and you run to find a free cassette to re-record that Hybrid Theory.

In the evening, you typed the band's name into a rambler search to look for the man who three hours ago sang about something inside him pulling beneath the surface. And then Rambler brought up the music video for One Step Closer. Monks, warriors, red-haired Shinoda, blond Bennington.

At that moment, my life was divided into a before and an after.

Before Linkin Park and with Linkin Park.

And you realize you're screwed. Seriously, and for a long time.

Those strangers from the other side of the planet singing about such familiar things. And it's with them that it becomes easier for you to get through the school years with bulling, the first betrayals of friends, long stays in the hospital, going to university, defending your diploma, moving to another city, life changes. And, honestly, I want to say a huge thank you to the whole band for the fact that in all the difficult times, when I wanted to send everything to hell, they believed in me. And I believed that they would be proud of me if I overcame everything. And I did. With Chester's voice in my headphones. He was the only one who could sober me up and kick my ass with his screaming. And then, a second later, switch to a gentle timbre and soothe your wounded soul. And I always knew I could count on him. My faithful friend named Chester… My sweet Chester Bennington. You were my rock when no one else had the right words. You helped build the wall of defense I needed.

That all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you will forever be my motto for life, which you diligently scribbled in notebooks, notepads, and a magnetic board on the refrigerator.

You diligently gather information about the band members, getting stunned by the frontman's biography, and find forums. You get new acquaintances scattered in different corners of Russia and over the world. Probably one of the most beautiful periods of my youth.

These feelings, when you are just starting to get into music, forming your views on life, when you are still youthful to maximalism, when you are sure that you can do everything that others couldn't and still wear rose-coloured glasses. All this for me finally left on July 20, 2017.

What I've done.

That day, I felt sick. I felt physically sick. My heart felt like it had been crushed by a tank. It ached like a chronic cardiac patient. My head was filled with endless questions of "What? Why? How?" I don't want to judge the act. Knowing what demons were in your head, I understand that choice. I'm sorry we couldn't help you when you helped all of us.

Chester. My sweet Chester.

I'm glad I was able to go to two Linkin Park concerts. I was no longer separated from the band by thousands of Russian kilometers, but only half an hour by subway. And I was able to see the real, sincere Bennington. A man with absolutely crazy energy. After that, I went to different concerts of different artists, but I have never seen such a connection with fans with anyone else. One second everyone is like positive sectarians singing I'm breaking the habit tonight, and the next second everyone is ready to die to Faint. Two hours later you walk out of the concert complex with a sore back, gray voice, and torn sneakers, but you're happy. The dream of a girl from 2003 has finally come true.

Who would have said that in 5 years at the place where fantasies became reality, I will say goodbye to my favorite musician.

Who cares if one more light goes out

Well I do…

Chester's passing showed me that I still have a lot of pain and darkness that I'd been suppressing. He mirrored that pain. I once again, fully faced everything I hadn't really wanted to face in years. A few months that added up to years of sweeping those emotions like trash under the rug, pretending the house was clean. It wasn't. The trash just piled up under the bed. The pain didn't go anywhere, it stayed neglected and recycled.

It's a moment when you don't want to open yourself up to the harsh reality of having your favorite musicians shut the door firmly behind you, but perhaps you shouldn't be afraid to live in it. There is pain, humiliation, hunger, wars and terrible injustice. People have the right to show emotion. Not everything is the way I want it to be. A lot of things are not the way I want them to be. It's hard, and it's unlikely that I can fully accept the world as it is. But thankfully, I have a few outlets.

I don't want to stifle my emotions. I don't want to forget about them when sucked into a "normal" life where everyone asks you to be "normal". And I don't want to hide from my inner demons, because they are what make you and me alive.

But for now, I want to turn on From the inside again, like in tenth grade, to turn on full blast, black pencil my eyes and become a different person. It was that song that made my inner core strong and made me stronger. And, Chester… My sweet Chester, it's thanks to you again.

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I hope you have finally found peace and your demons are off of you.

I'm sorry Chester won't get to take his kids to school, won't see his grandkids. Won't know what it's like to be 50, 60, 70 years old. And I think that would be great, because it certainly wouldn't age him. Chester's not gonna write any new songs. I won't be able to listen to Shadow of the day, Leave out all the rest, One more light, Talking to myself. When you know what they're about, you want to turn them off. After listening to Given Up, you want to run up to Chester and shout, "You're great!!!" It's a shame he had such a hard time with himself.

The news of him being buried won't fit in my head for a long time. Even the overwhelming love of fans, family and friends couldn't save him from himself.

I don't want to say goodbye. I want to say thank you.

Thank you for the inspiration, for the amazing story of struggle told in such a powerful and emotional voice. I will love this amazing voice forever.

His example encourages us to become sincerer. Darker. Gloomier because without the dark days, you don't appreciate the sunshine as much.

Chester had so many words about light and sunshine. His light and warmth has stayed with us and will continue to warm us even after many years.

Rest in peace, beloved Chester.

Good

Goodbye.

I'll miss you forever.

[onlyjaeyun]

I definitely didn’t expect the chapter to be staring at me when I woke up. And I definitely didn’t expect to cry first thing in the morning wtf 😭

Naw that BROKE me. I wanna punch that bitch so bad please Zadie don’t let them leave without serving their karma or I will CRY😖

First off, Hoonie’s present was so thoughtful?? And the fact that he wanted it to be something that reminds her of her mom (if you see me ugly crying, no you didn’t) 🥺

The way the whole thing went down, and the way that bitch was so damn entitled and unapologetic for RUINING someone’s life I-

(I need to calm down and be reminded that this is just a story oof)

That was so heartbreaking though, Hoonie must have felt so humiliated, showing up all alone. And Snowflake would have been so heartbroken to be ghosted by her best friend. But the end though, Hoonie caressing her hair😖 Please I wanna wipe his tears away (got reminded of him crying at the concert and I cried a bit more)

Anyways phew😮‍💨 that was something… you did a great job baby, I can’t believe CH has come this far, I still remember hoonflake fucking for the first time and how yn felt after that. You did so good my love 🫶🏻😚

Thank you for the wonderful chapter 💕💋

🌕

my moonie baby 🥺🥺🥺🥺

i can't ever thank you enough for always sharing your thoughts and feelings with me, it really is my absolute favorite thing and one of the main reasons i'm on this website. reading your reactions, thoughts and feelings about the things i wrote feels so crazy and surreal and it just makes me so happy. thank you SO much for taking the time out of your day to not only make my day with this ask but also invest a little bit of your emotion into my characters. i love you so much 🥺🤍☀️💐🌥️🌷

[fragmentofanotherworld]

Evil’s Theater Productions : LUST ARC

Okay, so I’ll probably getting questions like “Why are you skipping all the other OSS songs?” I just feel like if the rest were in a stageplay it would be pretty self-explanatory on what would happen for a stageplay. If you have any ideas for the OSS songs, please share them on the OSS post!! Now... Let’s grab our books/mangas/novels and get our headphones on... *Opens some big ass LODV book* Let’s talk about one thing: How will Venomania do... stotheetothex? 1. We can’t make the actors do THAT because that’s very illegal.. 2. We could maybe imply that it happened.... or water it down.  Any other options? Share your ideas here. Okay let’s actually get onto the song. One thing for sure, we wont start with the yet, we need to do Venomania’s past of course, I think it’s self explanatory on how things will work there... *skips a couple pages f.*  So the stage will be dark, purple dim light shows, we’re at the part of the song we’re showing the dead bodies. We see Irina with the Venom Sword (she enters Left stage center btw if people still care about stage directions cause im giving up on them for these are just hcs) and she approaches Venomania, he stabs himself as usual. After he does that, he goes near the audience BUT NOT TO NEAR (downstage for stage direction ppl) and says his lines.... “Saa, odorou ka?” and he extends his hands out to the audience. The music starts, AND WE GET A WHOLE DAMN PREVIEW OF THE HAREM. Since this is a concert time thing rn.. no we’re not getting to chase down 18 girls, their just there. As Venomania starts singing the first lines, we see Lukana and she runs up to Venomania and kinda hugs him ig ??? IDK  HOW TO DESCRIBE JUST WATCH THE MV. When he says “ This power I obtained by a contract, with a forbidden demon. “ we get to see a screen that shows Irina giving him the katana and Venomania opening it. Venomania does his little (nahh why am i saying little??) lust spell on Lukana when he says “ All of the woman who see my eyes, fall into a charm. “ I GUESS QUICKLY WE COULD SEE LUKANA CHANGE INTO HER HAREM OUTFIT... LIKE THOSE DRESSES THAT TRANSFORM AND THEY’RE SUPER COOL BUT ANYWAY-- Lukana and Mikulia sings their parts ig.. idk what to do here. Skipping the chorus cause it’s self explanatory.. and DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THAT. When Venomania says, “When the clothes come off and we embrace, we can never again return to reality.” WE SEE A BIG, GIANT, ASS SCROLL THAT THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE CAN SEE. It shows the missing woman as we see the set-up for the next verse. We see an old portrait burning and all the girls are present and yk what the lyrics say... he smooches Gumina (I ALMSOT SPELLED GUMILLIA SOMEONE KILL ME)  Gumina and Maylis do their part... rest is self explanatory.. and we see another giant scroll with more missing girls. While the epic piano solo is playing, we see Karchess getting ready to go beat some ass and yk he’s like “im get my wife back from the girlfriend stealer” once again he wont say that..we know what happens. Yk what happens this time Karchess goes up to Venomania and he’s like “HEYYY *smirks and blushes like an uwu girls* and then he stabs Venomania... During this stageplay, we know what happens, but I want it to be like nobody knows, SO WE GOTTA MAKE SURE WE CAN’T SEE KARCHESS STABBING VENOMANIA. There’s blood now as you know, but Venomania aint collapsing yet, we need Karchess to sing his part. When Karchess sings “And thrust into the demon a dagger from his breast pocket.” the lights can glow green for a second cause that’s a wrath vessel. VENOMANIA COLLASPES, AND HE’S LIKE “ASFHISHIGHVDIUIFJIOHUAS NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! MY ART! DIOHGHAGIUHDFOPGHIU!” (once again he won’t say that im being silly) and we see the blood changing to purple. The woman are running away and stuff like that. For a second the music stops, we get to hear Venomania actually scream with all his emotion!! “Ah. . . Gumina... Wait! Wait!” (more silence as Gumina turns around, as two spotlights focuses on the two) “I haven’t yet told you I love you!”, and Gumina runs away. - The Potrait that Glassred Drew -  Gumina is holding a canvas, it’s torn, and burnt. She says the lines... “If only you hadn’t changed.” There’s another canvas on an aisle, and she’s painting as she’s singing. She’s painting Cherubim. As we get to the chorus, more paintings show. It’s her memories, her memories of Cherubim and Sateriasis when they were children, all having fun, all playing. Second verse “That burnt protrait. You said “I hate that face.” I really don’t know what to do as I’m listening to the song, so please share your ideas. As we get to the part “It’s not that changing is bad.”, I want her to face the audience. She continues to paint Cherubim. At the last chorus... She shows the painting to the audience... and the curtain closes. *Rips off headphones and closes the book.* I sobbed listening to The Portrait that Glassred Drew. I’m not doing Flower of Plateau because I just want to move on with this so if you have ideas for that one send them please (not forced). Also my brother--Nana likes Mikulia Calaground now so... yeah.

[deathcabforkim]

I just want to be enough. I want to feel like I’m doing the right thing. I want to feel happy and excited about life again. I want to feel like I am someone’s world and they cherish me. I want to fuckin figure out my life. I want to feel passionate about a career. I want to heal my inner child. I want to be goofy without being embarrassed. I want to stop trying to fuckin make everyone around me happy and deciding things based on their opinions. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to watch a million sunrises. I want to see sunsets from the mountains. I want to take more chances. I want to adventure. I want to not be afraid to fail at things. I want to do things scared or do them badly and still do them. I want a simple life. I want slow Sunday mornings. I want coffee for two and someone who knows how to make my cup without me asking. I want sloppy kisses in bed and I want sleeping in. I want the putter patter of our dogs and our cats running around waking us up but we just cuddle closer cause we can’t get up yet. I want to be stressed at my career but know it was worth whatever it took to get me there. I want to experience a new culture. I want to learn new recipes. I want a slow life. I want to feel calm. I want my home to be my peace. I never want raised voices. I want laughter and joy. I want dancing in the kitchen to slow country songs. I want to have silly showers playing w bubbles. I want to have joy like a little kid again. I want to sing loudly and horribly and not care. I want to fall in love w my best friend. I want to feel someone loves me down to my fuckin bones and I want to never have to question it. I want to come home to myself, I want to return to myself so completely that I never remember the time I lost myself. I want to look at myself in the mirror and love my body and honor it. I want to love the person looking back at me. I want to feel desired and be devoured by someone who can’t get enough of me. I want to travel to another country. I want to heal. I want to pet some baby cows and to pick some wildflowers on the roadside market. I want to bicker about taxes and who’s doing the dishes. I want my house to smell like baked goods and I want my animals to feel so content. I want my niece to know I would kill for her, literally if it ever came to that to protect her. I want my parents to know I am working on forgiveness. I want my brother to know he’s enough and he will have a full life and that even if we don’t talk often I will always be in his corner til the day I die. I want someone to cook me a dinner once and light some stupid fuckin candles and make it cheesy. I want to heal. I want to go to more concerts and be moved by the emotions. I want to love the sunshine again. I want to live somewhere besides the east coast once, experience a whole different life. I want to run away. I want to go where nobody knows me or my life. I want to forget my innocence was ripped from me. I want to forgive them. I want to forgive my old friend. I want to feel safe. I want to feel so safe in someone’s presence, like they will care for me so gently they would never leave a mark. I want someone to understand me. I want someone to try to learn me in all the ways. I want someone to be patient w me. I want to find myself. I want to climb mountains. I want to get over my fear of the ocean, and of flying and of heights. I want to ride roller coasters again. I want to work on my anxiety. I want to be open and carefree. I want summer drives and screaming songs at the top of my lungs and I want to look over at my person and feel so content. I want to live a hundred lifetimes in this one. I want a life I remember. I want to experience life and joy and happiness and sadness and immense joy. I want to be vulnerable without being so god damn afraid of it. I want to forgive myself. I want to fall in love w myself. I want to love my life again. I want it all to be enough. I want to be enough, for someone, for myself. I want to fight for my life. I want everything I deserve.

[purplebass]

what do you think of the finale of daisy jones?

Hi anon! I've just finished watching and I have some thoughts... I really liked the first episodes but I thought that the last two were really slow and they changed things that imo worked fine the way they were in the book. The ending after we know what everyone did and we finally discover that the interviewer is Julia and she shows Daisy and Billy Camila's last message, made me cry. It was an emotional moment and that, at least, seemed very faithful to the book. And I liked that they showed us Daisy and Billy actually meeting because we're left to guess at the end of the book. This is an addition that I don't mind.

But, back to what I think didn't work out:

I think the moment where things started getting mmmh to me was post Daisy OD, which in the book I think happened in another place? And it's a wake-up call for Daisy. Don't get me wrong, I loved the moment on the show and how it was done.

Then the Chicago concert. I remember that in the book we see that after the concert it's Camila who takes care of Daisy and talks to her to make her understand that if she keeps sabotaging herself like this, she's not going to make it and moreover, she's going to take Billy down with her if she keeps this up and she then asks Daisy to leave. In spite of everything, Camila loved both Billy and Daisy and acknowledged their attraction but at the same time she was an eye-opener for both on why they couldn't be together. And it wasn't just because he was married to her. Billy and Daisy were toxic for each other and even if they clearly loved each other differently from how Camila&Billy loved each other, their story would end in tragedy and they realize it when they sing Honeycomb and cry (because that song is both about them and about C/B). They could "make a good thing bad". Because even Daisy and Billy are aware that if they give their relationship a chance, they're going to destroy each other. That's why them singing Honeycomb is even sadder but also beautifully poignant in that story. It's the moment where all the members of The Six hit rock bottom and face the truth and secrets come out and that's a life-changing moment for everyone.

And in the show they turned everything into a cliché! Damn. While I think they did Karen/Graham good and were faithful to the book, the whole triangle resolution was a mess. Camila confronted Billy and Daisy about the things she saw and heard, which is good because unlike most of the characters on the show, she's willing to communicate and talk about their issues. But that, added with the fact that they also implied several times that Camila herself betrayed Billy with Eddie (which doesn't happen in the books even though we know that Eddie likes Camila but she's never once unfaithful to Billy). And Billy even knows that and he's willing to forgive her, which is again, not something everyone would do, but only after Daisy rejects him and makes him understand that's the thing he has to do??? Like, come on. They turned the heartbreaking Honeycomb moment into a flat, seen-a-million times overused Hollywood flick movie moment with Billy running to stop Camila from leaving. When, like I said above, that moment was special and powerful because of something else. I know they wanted to make little changes so that it would work on screen, but it felt boring to me, plot-wise. They also added the moment with the fan offering Billy a drink and Billy relapsing later than it happened for emphasis.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still glad they made this show because it wasn't bad and I loved the chemistry between Riley and Sam. But if It were me, I would've stopped at 8 episodes and avoided most of the mess of filler moments that dragged the story and sitcom worthy writing they showed us in ep 9 and most of ep 10. But I really loved the last ten minutes of ep. 10, so there's that.

[tharizdun-03]

Love Live! Sunshine!! Season 2: EP 5-8 Watchthrough

#5: "Taking in a Dog"

i still don't think yohane ever really hit that pitch perfect note with her character like she did in her full introductory episode, but more of this vulnerability is what i wanted. cute riko/yohane episode.

yohane trying to command the umbrella to stop lol

just like the dia episode, lots of strong comedy.

a lot of misnaming this entire episode for this cute little quip at the end (you could argue the whole dog chasing was a bit mean-spirited too but it's just for giggles) but i'll just take it as an episode about riko learning to use someone's preferred name. she is yohane.

and then we check in on the girlfriend by the end, of course.

i don't think this season has been quite as strong as season 1 so far. season 1 was kind of phenomenally structured as a first season. basically perfect, if not for the always lacklustre ending.

season 2 seems to be kinda loosely jumping around, focusing on the side characters, and i'd expect the movie to pull things together to focus more on the main trio again. which all sounds like good fun.

#6: "Aqours Wave"

aaah, these two!! best girlfriends in the world, cheering chika up!

did i miss some godzilla reference they did in season 1 tho? cause they keep making those jokes as if it's a running gag. don't get me wrong, it's cute as fuck, but i have no memory of when it started so to me it's just random godzilla noises they make sometimes for no reason 

these two are cute too, but in a platonic kind of way

remember when i said that everything with the third years is so dramatic? yeah. the other girls are just goofy dorks, but there's always tragic drama breweing between these three in the background lol.

it may seem like most of my enjoyment of this show comes from my ships (cute moment here again, i'll remind you that they're polyamorous) but it's the snappy comedy and SoL which makes this franchise. the larger emotional beats (like the concert here) can be a bit rushed

#7: "The Time Left"

damn. that's a bold story decision, but very glad they're going down this route to distinguish themselves further from SiP.

respect for this. and makes me interested in knowing what other love live series will do, unless they (preferably) abandon the whole save the school set-up altogether.

#8: "Hakodate"

maybe you should hug her warm.

look at her matching scarf and earmuffs. her earmuffs are little oranges, i love that. matches her hair ofc, that too. she's an icon.

it's nice that these two share a room. we sometimes get distracted by riko, the new hot fling, but you is her oldest friend (and lover). which room is riko in tho? i think the first years share a room so maybe she's on the right to chika instead? didn't look like it.

outside of me shipping these Ruby and Leah (they were holding hands infront of a Christmas tree), the drama is a bit eh. I like conceptually a lot here, about Ruby growing up without relying on Dia, but a lot of it resulted in "nuhuh, my sister is the best!"

i do think sunshine has been a bit more effective on whole impermanence theme, but it's just not that amazing of a drama so its sentimentality can butcher its otherwise usually strong comedy (which has felt routine and repetitive lately)