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keefwho · 1 year ago

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July 18 - 2023 Tuesday

7:25 AM

My friend complains about how she often gets creepy guys that are entitled to her attention and end up being total weirdos about everything. I know it impacts how she feels about herself and I don’t blame her. The closest thing I’ve experienced is being treated in a similar way from people that just want my art or think I own them attention in a professional sense. I hardly let these people get to me because of how I can close myself off but that comes at a cost. I’m realizing how brave it is to be in this kind of situation and still have the capacity to care like she does. Being closed off like I am avoids harmful feedback like this but makes it harder to accept the positive things too. Which is SHIT because I hate giving people power over me.

5:05 PM

I crave deep connection and the only person I can get that from is busy lately. It’s hard trying to connect with people in general, especially when I don’t have a grip on who I am. If I don’t try REALLY hard, talking to anyone feels almost pointless. And that makes me feel isolated because it feels like a bad thing that I can’t related to very many people, even though I know the core cause and that I AM able to make it better. It doesn’t help that I only have virtual contacts and never leave the 4 walls I find myself confined to. I don’t think any human is meant to put up with what I’ve put myself in for so many years.

5:27 PM

It’s nice to remind myself that it’s okay to feel sorrow at things that aren’t made up. A lot of my despair comes from my own untrue thoughts, but some things are real. I feel sad that I have nowhere to go, that I’m cooped up here. I’m sad that my bestie is so busy and doesn’t have time to hang out or pursue her own hobbies like she wants. I’m sad that I had a shit childhood that contributed to how seemingly broken I am now. It’s okay to be sad at things like this. They are real. This was triggered by watching a stream of a game where this girl was crying because she was not allowed to leave the house for her own safety. But she had her father and toys, but it wasn’t enough. It reminds me of all the times I would be alone with my own toys. And sometimes mom would play with me but too often I was alone wanting someone to share the fun with. I learned to cope but I don’t want to cope anymore. I want to share and I want to love.

10:44 PM

Today went okay but as usual my core issue is lacking that self perspective and thinking too much about certain things. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to be conscious that I am a constant living, thinking person and so are the people I interact with. Maybe it’s being confined to this room having such strong routines. It’s easy to lose yourself when you pre-define everything you’re going to do and berate yourself for breaking protocol.

Anyways for breakfast I had bean with bacon soup and a grilled cheese. Shortly after eating I had unrelated tummy cramps that delayed me from doing my usual morning art stream on time. My warmup sketches were impacted as well. I did do a short stream brought on by my bestie asking if I was going to today because she would watch. My tummy was mostly better at this point so I gave it a try and was able to for about an hour. This meant I slacked on commission time today but I can afford to atm. For a bit I relaxed until I felt a little better and took a shower. I had a wicked nut and enjoyed the mist feature of my showerhead as it turned my bathroom into a sauna I baked in for a bit. Out of the shower I decided to clean up a bit like I hadn’t earlier and took my trash can out to be hosed down before wiping it down with bleach. Can’t have dirty garbage. The process was filthy though so I took another brief shower and changed clothes. For lunch I made a chicken burger but didn’t overcook it this time. I freeze all my perishables including bread and cheese and for some reason I always feel the need to fully cook them all. I usually do this by cooking the patty, assembling the burger, and putting it back in the pan with a lid over it to bake it essentially. Normal it results in a bun that is too hard and some of the flavor gets fucked up. Well today while the patty finished, I put the buns in just to get toasted, put the patty on one after that, and let the cheese melt on top before finishing it. No burnt buns this time. Today’s request and world work were done in my friend’s server again. Sometimes I want to shake it up but I don’t know where to go. Today in particular I wasn’t feeling like hanging out there but I was alone enough to try anyways. I know when I feel like that though, that I’m not there for the best reason and I tend not to connect with people. Afterwards I was hoping to hang out with my bestie soon and was trying to find a way to spend my time. I was watching Twitch but felt very sad about my current circumstances. But it was sad in the way that made me want to do something about it instead of pity myself or let myself be pitied by others. For awhile though I let myself sulk because I feel like I needed that wholesome sadness. Midway through I was checking my favorites on e621 out of boredom and succumbed to my lustful desires. Even though I already nutted earlier, I was gonna do it again and blow myself this time. Just to feel something honestly, I did this for the distraction. It turned out to be a bad idea though because I had pulled my back slightly a few days ago doing this same thing but this time I pulled it way harder. I almost thought I was gonna need a doctor. My friend was also chilling in VC while I did some of this so I was missing that quality time for some BLOW. I streamed myself playing Mother 3 while she did some LinkedIn stuff and worked on producing a pattern for her fursuit head. We discovered this pony show that she was shocked she didn’t know about so hopefully we can try watching it someday soon.

Sometimes I know what it takes to force myself to get perspective but sometimes I’m scared to become aware. Sometimes it’s easier to just go through the motions even though I know it’s bogging me down and ruining my life. It’s easy to lose and thats what makes it appealing. With this journal though I try to force myself to write about my day and evaluate how it went. Like, I really did all this and am now reporting it. I was there making decisions and experiencing the outcomes.

What could I have done better today? This morning my tummy hurting caused me to slack a lot but I can’t blame myself for that too much. I still pushed through it and did what I could. I guess instead of joining my friend’s server I could have tried to find someone else to talk to? Or I could have chilled more on my own. I really don’t know what could have been better, it seems like I was fucked either way. Maybe I was lacking that much needed perspective to feel right doing anything at the time. I think I should have avoided nutting a second time, I did it for the wrong reasons. Maybe it is good sometimes to engage in those distractions but in this case I physically hurt myself because I didn’t prepare right. Other than that things felt a little out of my control. All I really want to do is spend more time with my bestie but I’m having to accept that it’s not possible right now. And the only reason I want that is because I can’t find anyone else that fulfills me socially right now. EVERYONE is a drain except for her and my best friend, but he’s always busy and in a different time zone. It seems like the key is to find more people that I don’t have to put up with. People that build me up for once. It almost seems impossible to find them.

Tomorrow I’m going to keep focusing on reminding myself to look at myself and practice thought defusion techniques some more. I’ll probably write about that because sometimes I have trouble deciding if a thought needs to be defused or not but there are some criteria to check off that determines if a thought may be helpful or not.

#journal #diary #power #sad #lonely #socializing

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bloodiedbiotic · 3 years ago

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GET TO KNOW THE MUN ✨

𝟎𝟏. 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒 / 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : middy!

𝟎𝟐. 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘 : september 19th

𝟎𝟑. 𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 : virgo

𝟎𝟒. 𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 : 5′2″

𝟎𝟓. 𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒 : video games (rpg mainly, but i’ve gotten back into dead by daylight whoops), writing, concept sketching, reading, drawing, plotting but not doing a damn thing

𝟎𝟔. 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐑 : teal!

𝟎𝟕. 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 : the lightning thief, because it opened up a whole part of my life and who i am as a person that’s just obsessed with greek mythos.

𝟎8. 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐃 : honestly, i don’t even know anymore. i say pasta but then it fucks up my stomach now, so i don’t eat it much anymore.......

𝟎𝟗. 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐌 / 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖 : i don’t even remember, i hardly watch tv or netflix anymore... but with that, i’ll substitute by saying i plan on rewatching the first three pirates of the caribbean movies with my boyfriend. ♥

𝟏𝟎. 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : blair came into existence when i got mass effect 2 for free on origin; this was back when they had the “on the house” deal. the only time i played a mass effect game was back when i was at my best friend’s house for a sleepover and he had gotten andromeda. i played a bit, got super into it, got andromeda for my ps4 and then eventually for my pc. then comes origin and now i had mass effect 2, where i jumped in with this dark haired, light-eyed vanguard whom i decided to name blair. this was my first time playing a game from the trilogy, and i was the equivalent to the gif of the guy walking into a burning room with pizza when i watched blair get fucking spaced. i was so confused!! like, my gal just after one minute of me walking her around this ship that was getting destroyed.

i remember i didn’t get far into that playthrough, because i did the smart thing and got mass effect on steam (funny enough, i got it with my refund money after refunding cuphead) and played through it. i remember i loved some of the renegade lines and how badass shepard sounded saying them, so this is where i adopted the “renegade in personality, paragon in choices” ie saving the rachni queen and the council. but tbh, that first playthrough was... let’s say a warmup, because i bullrushed to the end on stream and missed SO MUCH. i started me2, then went back to me1 to play it right and 100%’d all the side quests in it and got to level 60 (i did a ng+ from that initial playthrough). back to me2! now i’m emotionally invested in shepard’s death!!! we did it, we come full circle!

and then it took me twenty years to finish me2. me3 came and i was the equivalent of the screeching cat meme, taking another 20 years to finally buckle down and finish the game for the first time because! i have an issue with completing games! i don’t want it to be over!!!

i was so attached to blair at that point, her rough edges and how her character changed across the games. i remember i got into merp all because of a friend i was mutuals with back in darp; she had a kaidan blog and, after gushing about blair to her, she convinced me to start a blog for blair, and here we are today! i’m not as active as i was then, obviously thanks to being an adult, but my love for blair has only grown since then, and i’m always happy and thankful for the friends i meet along the way. ♥

𝟏𝟏. 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐔𝐑𝐋 honestly, it’s just one of blair’s monikers, akin to the butcher of torfan that the game labels your shepard as if you choose the ruthless background. i wanted to stick to that theme but make it my own, and i wanted to imagine that blair got that nickname after evac from torfan where she’s just covered in blood from all the close-quarters fighting — blood from her own wounds, from the batarian pirates she mercilessly gunned down, and from the many soldiers who lost their lives down underground on that moon. but tbh, i’ve been really thinking about changing it but can never find a url i like or that isn’t already taken.

tagged by: @nosastrra tagging: whoever wants to do this! except @arianashepard; i’m calling you out specifically to do this.

#✧ — ⋆ commanding officer is ashore ; ooc .#✧ — ⋆ template for reports ; dash game .

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2sunchild2 · 5 years ago

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Day 7— Dancer Au

Yes I skipped day 5 and 6

Sue me

@daminette-december2019

Five, six, seven, eight

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Perfect.

Is what she strived to be.

Discipline.

Is what she was taught.

And tonight, she would showcase her talent in front of hundreds of people.

The Palais Garnier was absolutely beautiful. The golden details on the walls, the grand staircase, oh! and the paintings! Everywhere she looked, she found inspiration. She so desperately wanted to whip out her sketch book, but she knew she didn’t have the time.

Marinette and the rest of the ballet had arrived at four pm sharp. They had been in one of the rehearsal rooms of the palace, doing their warmups. Marinette tired not to focus on the pain burning her legs and glanced outside.

The snow slowly made its descent towards the ground. She could see a couple kissing under a streetlight, another couple was walking down the street, hand in hand. She smiled at the sight. Paris really was the City of Love. If only she had that luxury. Love was never an easy thing to come to her. She frowned, watching a third couple argue near the gate. A familiar sight, she would know.

“...nette! Miss Dupain-Cheng!”

She froze at the sound of her instructor. She slowly turned around and came face to face with Mme Dubois, who’s arms were crossed and face was stern. She could see the other ballerinas either whispering to each other or mouthing her ‘good luck’. She could see Adrien looking at her sympathetically before giving her a mocking ‘I’m praying for you’. She gave him a glare.

“Miss Dupain-Cheng. A word,” and with that, she left, expecting the younger woman to follow, which she did after a few seconds of accepting her fate. She walked out ignoring a certain Lila Rossi, who didn’t bother keeping her snickering quiet.

She when walked out, she could see Mme Dubois already walking down the hallway. She ran as fast as she could to catch up. The women stayed silent as the made their way around the palace. The stage crew had left some of their equipment and the younger girl made sure she didn’t trip on anything.

“Marinette,” her teacher’s voice sounded softer than it usually did, “do you know why I’m so hard on you?”

“Because im the lead?” She asked curiously. Mme Dubois was contstantly on her ass over every little thing she even did mildly wrong.

Her teacher gave her a deadpanned look, “because I know you have potential, you just aren’t trying hard enough.”

She opened the door to reveal the theatre, Marinette gasped at the sight. It was beautiful. The red and gold screamed at her, the stage was being set, the seats were being cleaned, those very seats would contain over a thousand people that night.

“Marinette, when I first started out, my instructor was a very controlling woman. But she cared, and she made sure we were the best of the best,” Mme Dubois grabbed her students hands, “and that’s what I want for you. I chose you for a reason. You have something Miss Rossi doesn’t. So tell me, what are you going to do?”

The question hung in the air for a few seconds. Marinette glanced back at the theatre and smiled.

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€

“Are we seriously going to see the fucking Nutcracker?”

Damian’s eye twitched as Jason complained for the eleventh time. He was counting. Dick smacked his more violent brother up the head and told him to shut up. There was a reason Dick was his favourite.

They were in Paris for Christmas. Selina’s choice. And she really wanted to see the Nutcracker for some reason. Something about the magic of the French Ballet. Damian didn’t get it but he enjoyed classical music so he decided it would be worth it.

“Wow,” breathed Tim. He stared at the palace in awe. It was truly a beautiful building. It shone in the night. The Palais Garnier stood proudly, welcoming guests from high class families and social circles.

They were seated in one of the booths with a great view of the stage. The loud chatter ceased as the lights faded and the curtains opened. The dancers flowed out as the music began.

He watched in fascination as the ballerinas danced on their toes with such grace and elegance. And then stepped out the lead. The girl playing Clara was... beautiful. She danced unlike the others. She was precise with her mouvements. Her arms followed her legs as she danced around the stage.

The play went on and Damian watched in fascination, unwilling to acknowledge the way Dick nudged Jason, or the looks his father and Selina have been sharing.

And soon, a very familiar tune began to play. The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy began, and the girl playing Clara danced alone. By God she was beautiful. Her pink ensemble shimmered under the light. Her dark hair tied behind her head so they wouldn’t disrupt her dancing.

And before he knew it, it was over. The dancers gathered to the Center of the stage and bowed.

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€

“I told you, you had nothing to worry about!” Adrien piped up from next to her. She laughed and hit him on the shoulder. Marinette glanced at Mme Dubois who smiled at her and nodded. She felt her chest swell with pride.

“How about we go home after this, non?” The blonde next to her asked, smiling childishly.

“Yeah, okay, just let me get changed first.”

She walked to her dressing room and opened the door, only to see it filled with flowers of all sorts. A few bouquets were from her parents. Others from friends. Most from strangers.

Although a beautiful bouquet of red roses seemed to be calling her. Marinette walked towards it and examined it, touching the soft petals occasionally. Oh. There was a card. She gently picked it up and read the note, she smiled softly. It was quiet for a few moments, just her, the note and silence.

At least for a few minutes. She was startled by the sound of someone knocking on her door, “Mari?” Adrien’s voice rang through her ears, “you almost done?”

She looked back at her note and called out, “Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute!”

I didn’t think Angels were real, but you, Miss Dupain-Cheng, have proven me wrong. Would you care to accompany me to dinner at Le Cinq tomorrow at 7?

Best wishes, Damian Wayne

xxx-xxx-xxxx

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Better late than never amirite

Also special thanks to @little-kitty-kanny for helping me with this ily!!!!

#daminette december #daminette #maribat au #maribat fic #maribat #its late but whatever at least its done uwu #not adrien salt

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ariadoesntwrite · 4 years ago

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Viktoria frowned and crossed her arms in front of herself. “Tyler, leave the seagulls alone.”

Tyler grinned cheekily as he tried in vain to wave her off. “Mr. Boss said to bring something back from the beach for him!” Viktoria shifted her weight and glanced over her shoulder in Tegan’s general direction, but it was immediately clear to her that he wasn’t going to be any help whatsoever in this sort of situation.

“You and I both darn well know that he didn’t mean the wildlife!”

Tyler pointed at her. “He didn’t specify. So, there is still a very slim but entirely probable–”

Viktoria threw her arms up in the air. “Dude.” “Do it for the meme,” Tegan called from under his frowny-face umbrella.

Victoria turned and looked straight at him for the first time that day, hands resting on her hips. “Where did you even find that thing?” Tegan shrugged nonchalantly. Well, as nonchalant as one can be while sweating to death, at least. “The internet.”

Viktoria sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, then directed her attention towards the mock volleyball court that Raquel, Alistair, and Axel had set up. Axel and Ellie were up against Raquel and Alistair, and it was not going very well for the former team.

On Viktoria’s opposite side, Tadashi seemed lost inside his own little world as he drew a large square in the sand with a big stick, then started writing in large block letters underneath it. “D...E...T…”

That was clearly going to take him a while, and she was already bored watching.

Tegan shot Tyler a look that Viktoria couldn’t even begin to decipher, but she could tell it meant something meaningful.

Tyler began loudly heckling Axel, mocking his (admittedly lackluster) volleyball playing style from what he probably assumed was a safe distance away.

“I hope your vocal warmups aren’t as weak as your physical warmups are, AHAHAHA– OW!” Tyler was cut off abruptly via an inflatable beach ball to the face, courtesy of a smirking Axel.

Tyler snatched it out of the air with his hands before it had a chance to fall and raised it above his head, then ran straight towards him with a battle yell.

The smirk quickly disappeared off of Axel’s face, replaced by a scream of “SHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII–” that completely drowned out Tyler’s voice as he started running down the beach, both of them being deliberate in their avoidance of Claire’s very elaborate sandcastle, of course.

Viktoria raised an eyebrow. “That’s a very impressive lung capacity right there. And here I thought ‘singing on a treadmill’ was just an exaggeration.”

Tegan ran a hand through his hair and muttered something under his breath that Viktoria couldn’t quite catch. Something about someone owing someone, perhaps? Viktoria grinned to herself at the mental image of Tegan as a mob boss.

Karolina and Neha relaxed on lounge chairs a good few yards away and pretended not to know any of them. Neha took a long sip of her iced lemonade as she sketched out ideas for a swimwear line while Karolina thumbed through a magazine, protected from the sun’s harsh rays under an umbrella, a very fashionable floppy hat, Guccy sunglasses, and three layers of 100 SPF sunscreen.

Speaking of which… “Did you at least put some sunscreen on?” Viktoria turned and asked Tegan suddenly. He fell silent, then gave her a guilty smile. “That would be a no.” Viktoria sat down beside him and pulled a brightly colored tube out of her tote bag despite Tegan’s protesting.

Axel and Tyler ran by, still screaming at the top of both their lungs as they went right on past Tadashi’s…

“DETENTION DUNGEON,” Viktoria read aloud.

The beach ball must have gotten lost somewhere along the way, as Tyler was now just flailing his arms around above his head as he chased Axel.

Viktoria blinked dumbly. “Huh. Interesting. I guess old habits die hard.” She shook her head and squeezed a generous amount of sunscreen into her palm, then moved to apply it to Tegan’s arm.

Tegan gasped as the cold cream made contact with his uncomfortably warm skin. “You uh, you really don’t have to fuss over me like this...” Viktoria grinned as she slathered it up and down the length of his arm. “Awwh, but I want to, though.” She set to work, watching Tadashi out of the corner of her eye.

Tadashi scooted over to the ‘entrance’ of his detention dungeon, then started drawing what seemed to be some very elaborate puzzles and traps.

Viktoria paused and sat back on her heels, squinting. It was difficult to tell where exactly the sunscreen ended and Tegan’s pale skin began.

“What exactly is Tyler going to do if he catches Axel, anyway?”

Tegan rolled his eyes as the corners of his mouth turned upwards. “Well, you know the four F’s? Axel’s doing one of them right now, and then two out of the three remaining ones are… take your pick.”

Viktoria groaned and smacked her forehead against the armrest of Tegan’s chair. “Tegaaan!” “Viktoriaaaa!” Tegan whined back, matching her tone.

Viktoria raised her head and grinned suddenly as a thought struck her. “Hey, do you think Tadashi would throw people in his detention dungeon for PDA?” Tegan nearly fell out of his chair as he sputtered, barely coherent. “I– What– are you– I mean, he– you mean like–” “Because Ellie and Alistair have been making googly eyes at each other all day,” she continued, seemingly oblivious.

Was that a hint of a genuinely relaxed smile on his face as Tadashi added an extra leg to his manticore? Maybe it was a trick of the light.

Tegan took a deep breath to steady himself and sank further into his seat. “You are going to be the death of me, Viktoria.” He pulled his hood up over his head and covered his face with it, the corner of his glasses getting hooked on the fabric in the process.

“You… have a T-shirt... with a hood attached to it?” Viktoria asked incredulously, eyebrows raised.

Tegan stuck his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout and crossed his arms, the effect only enhanced by his askew glasses. “Don’t judge me.”

Viktoria smiled as she moved from his left side to his right. “Well, at least it’s on-brand.”

Tegan lifted his hood to pull it back just enough to uncover his eyes and fixed his glasses. “So, what, I’m predictable now? I gotta change things up a bit.”

Viktoria motioned towards Tyler and Axel. “You could go join them, nobody would expect that.” She involuntarily cringed as Axel’s scream went shrill and went just sharp of the high C.

“Ugh, exercise. Never mind, I’ll stick with predictable.”

Tegan rolled his eyes again and wiped the palms of his hands on his shorts. “Lovely weather we’re having,” he said sarcastically.

Viktoria slowly inclined her head. “I don’t want to pry or come across as rude, but…” She trailed off, electing to stare at the crook of his elbow instead of his face. “Why are you out here instead of inside with the sweet, blessed air conditioning if you hate it so much?” She glanced up to gauge his reaction.

Tegan’s mouth twisted to the side as he avoided looking straight at her.

“...An hour of pure torment is paradise if I’m spending it with you.”

Viktoria inhaled sharply. “Tegan, I…”

Oh no, She thought to herself, not emotions and feelings! Not here! Not now!

She racked her brain for a fast and simple way to deflect. “If Axel ever decides to rebrand as darker and edgier, you could totally be his songwriter.”

“Like, what,” Tegan gestured grandly into the air with his arm, “The night sky is dark/just like my soul/and like the full moon/it swallows me whole?” Viktoria squeezed Tegan’s shoulder. “Pure poetry.” Tegan ran a hand through his hair, laughing in disbelief. “I don’t even know what it means!” Viktoria shrugged and shifted her weight. “That’s what makes it so perfect, though. Even if it has no meaning, people will eventually find one, anyway.” Tegan nodded slowly. “Wow. That got deep.”

Just then, Axel and Tyler came running by for the second time and collapsed on the sand, panting heavily.

“I’m,,, never,,, doing,,, that,,, again,,,” Axel gasped, arms wrapped around his middle.

“Me,,, neither,,,” Tyler agreed, nodding weakly as he stared straight up at the crystal blue sky.

“Okay, that dragged on for way too long.” Tegan stretched his arms above his head and let out a satisfied groan as his joints cracked loudly.

Tadashi’s head snapped to attention. “WHO BROUGHT FIREWORKS?!”

“Ooh, Tadpole’s gonna throw you in his detentsand,” Viktoria teased, resting one arm across the back of his chair.

Tegan pointed with his pale, ridiculously slender index finger. “Out. Get out.”

“I just—“ Viktoria started.

Tegan shook his head vigorously. “Nope nope nope, that was too horrible.” His glasses fell off. He retrieved and replaced them as nonchalantly as he could, which was difficult since he dropped them back onto the sand twice during the process.

Viktoria wandered over to the volleyball court, palms turned upwards. “Looks like I’m booted, so–” “Oh, good.” Ellie grabbed her arm. “We need another player to balance the teams, since–” she gestured vigorously at Axel and Tyler, who looked like a couple of stranded fish.

Viktoria grimaced and shied away. “Oh no, I’m terrible at all sports.” Ellie placed her hands on her hips. “Do you run away from the ball when it comes toward you?” Viktoria shuffled her feet, reluctant to answer. “...Yes, except for in dodgeball, because that’s an easy out.”

Ellie groaned and threw her head back. “Well, at least you’re capable of running, so there’s a start.”

Viktoria pursed her lips and cocked her head, crossing her arms behind herself.

“That depends on your definition of running. Because ‘moving as fast as you can, which is still not a lot’, is just about all I can muster.”

Ellie gave her a deep frown. Viktoria didn’t even know that mouths and eyebrows could turn like that before.

Viktoria gave a backward glance at Tegan, who seemed to be doing a decent enough job of entertaining himself on his phone. Little did she know, he was most definitely taking photos of her. Tasteful ones, of course.

“Okay, fine, I’m in. What do we need to do?” Viktoria began stretching, then started pulling her hair into a low ponytail.

Ellie offered her a spare hair tie and clapped her on the back. “Win, of course!” Viktoria’s jaw dropped open, almost cartoonishly. “Against Raquel and Alistair?” She shook her head, eyes wide. “I’m just gonna hold you back, hon. This has ‘bad idea’ written all over it.”

Alistair looked in their direction and shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m open to switching if you want.” “Tired of winning?” Raquel teased, spinning the ball on the tip of her finger. Viktoria watched enviously.

“Nah, but it sounds like you are.” Alistair chugged a bottle of water, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I am very in over my head I’m not competitive at all this isn’t going to end well for me–” Viktoria very much resembled a deer that wandered onto the highway and was now caught in a rapidly approaching car’s headlights.

Claire rose to her feet and carefully stepped over her completed sandcastle and matching sea dragon, dusting the sand off herself.

“I can join in too, if you want? To take the pressure off of it being two vs. two.” She gave her a tentative smile. Viktoria made a noise of appreciation and threw her arm around her shoulders. “You’re the best, Claire.”

Claire pulled her thick hair over her shoulders and smiled down at her feet. “Now we can suck together. Yay?” Viktoria stared at her in shock, then doubled over laughing. “I can’t believe you just said that! You’re not wrong, though!”

Raquel stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled, one fist in the air. “ALRIGHT, PANSIES! HALFTIME’S OVER! LET’S GOOOO!”

“Y’all are going down!” Ellie bounded over to the other side of the net, game face on.

Alistair placed his hands on his knees and planted his heels in the sand. “In history, maybe!” He hollered back, then to his teammates, “Don’t let them intimidate you, they’re all talk.”

The fire in Raquel’s eyes and the way Ellie pounded her fist into her opposite palm said otherwise.

Claire and Viktoria shared a tight-lipped, ‘we are doomed’ glance.

Claire reached over and weakly touched her fingertips to Viktoria’s. “That’s our team high-five,” she whispered.

“Dream tea–” Viktoria started to whisper back, but was rudely interrupted by Alistair’s shout of “BALL!”

Viktoria flailed her arms outwards. “Ack!”

Claire shielded her face as it headed in her direction. “Eep!” Raquel threw her arm out to the side, palm flat. “OUT!” She called, gleefully.

Viktoria scrunched up her shoulders and reached over to tap fingertips. “Yay, Claire! You got it over!”

Claire returned the gesture, eyes shining. “Dream team!”

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kessielrg · 3 years ago

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Comeback Kid: Part 3

Summary: More third person additions to the chaos rp that @chibi-mushroom and @animacreates are doing.This time, Sabrina has spontaneously decided to break up with Ventus after what could amount to a nervous breakdown. In the aftermath, she is forced to take all her vacation time and become reacquainted with one of her favorite hobbies. But is it enough to get over Ven, or will the memory of him be too much to ignore?

Rating: K+

Word Count: 2,492 words

Part: 1 | 2 | 3

If you liked this story, please reblog!

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In dance, the phrase 'one more time' was its biggest lie. It was always 'one more time' before you ran through the routine seven more times. It was very common for a class to sometimes run five to ten minutes over just because the teacher wanted to make sure everyone had the right steps down. The only good thing about having private lessons meant that you could almost end the session whenever you wanted. Roxanne wasn't that bad either- no surprise, Max was pretty good at finding genuine girls.

Not much smaller than Sabrina, Roxanne was a lovely redhead with a habit of twisting her hair when she was nervous or excited. When dancing, she kept her hair up in a high ponytail with a little strand hanging down on the right side of her face. Sabrina didn't want to admit it, but Roxanne was pretty good as an instructor. Just a few days under her tutelage and Sabrina was once more accustomed to her dancing shoes. It also helped that Sabrina was there four times a week. She would have been here six times a week if her family wasn't closely monitoring her. It was like being a preteen all over again.

“The recital isn't that far away, but if you want to, I'm sure we can squeeze you in.” Roxanne offered after the first week. At this point, Sabrina had gotten a refresher on the basics, so she and Roxanne were working on a short routine for her to further develop her old skills. “You can use this routine we're going through and everything.”

“I've got all the time in the world, Roxanne.” Sabrina prudently informed her. She couldn't look at her teacher because she was currently stretching a leg on the barre. “I can be here every day of the week if I wanted. As long as I'm home before 10. I'm on a curfew.”

“Any particular reason?” Roxanne asked, not meaning any harm. “I noticed that someone usually drops you off. Max mentioned that you were trying to recuperate from a bad breakup. Is that still the case?”

Sabrina's body tensed. “Yeah.” she grumbled. She switched legs before telling Roxanne, “Apparently, coming home and screaming like you've got witnessed a murder means you've had a mental breakdown and need to take a month to recover. If that.”

“Oh, wow.” Roxanne marveled. “I didn't know. I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else, then!”

“Let's.” came the agreeing hiss.

“I know!” the bubbly instructor said. “The local radio station is going to be interviewing some staff here at the studio for a little sketch they're doing. Something about hometown heroes or hotspots? Either way, I'm one of the staff that volunteered to be interviewed, so I may have to leave our session for a bit to talk to one of the hosts.”

“When is this happening?” Sabrina questioned, putting her leg down so she could give Roxanne a hard glare.

“Next Monday, I believe.” Roxanne grinned. But then she noticed Sabrina's dark expression and seemed taken aback. “You don't mind, do you?”

“No, I guess not.” Sabrina replied, her voice rather dark, before she got down to the floor to straddle the wall. Maybe the pain from the stretch warmup would distract enough to not be bitter.

. . .

“Lengthen your body a bit more. Good. Now lower your leg slowly… Perfect!”

This routine was becoming second nature at this point. Roxanne would sometimes stand near Sabrina to help her balance a bit when they had to review certain positions, such as at this moment. Not that Sabrina particularly enjoyed the -literal- hand holding. Still, someone would have tutted at her for not accepting other's help- let alone from her own teacher. She could stomach this for now.

The girls were interrupted when Roxanne's phone started to go off. She carefully let go of Sabrina before going on over to see who it was. She gave the phone a rather funny look as she answered it.

“Hello?” she asked. Sabrina only half listened to the conversation as she got some water from her water bottle. “Is he here? That's great! I'll be out in a moment.”

Roxanne happily twisted her hanging strand of hair. “He's here!” she happily announced to Sabrina.

“I'll be back in a jiffy. Feel free to go through the routine again, or whatever else you'd like.”

Sabrina gave the instructor a rather disinterested hum in response. It didn't phase Roxanne in the slightest. She happily smiled before heading on out the door. Sabrina looked back to where Roxanne had left, then her gaze fell to the one-way mirror next to the door. It was placed there so parents could watch their children dance. Sabrina had a good feeling that other people used it to peep in on whoever was in that studio at the time. She knew that at least one single parent on Mondays looked in on her while she practiced. He wasn't particularly cute and his kid was a brat, always asking to go to the bathroom so they didn't have to be in a class they didn't even enjoy.

She had a feeling someone was watching her now, and the thought made her grimace.

Besides throwing a towel up at the window, there wasn't much Sabrina could do about it. So instead she went to the stereo and flipped through her music playlist. She didn't know how long Roxanne would take, but she wouldn't spend her time just sitting around for her. Sabrina clicked her tongue as she went through every song she had, not liking a single one at the moment. She finally paused when a song with a relatively good beat started to play. Her expression hard, Sabrina carefully stepped away from the stereo to the center of the room.

She looked at herself in the mirror as she started to move her body to the music. It was like she was experimenting. The routine she and Roxanne were working on led emphasis more to her legs and upper body control than much else. But this time, Sabrina just went with whatever felt good. Quick foot movements, seductive little hip tilts, her arms used to bring her chest up a bit higher as she continued to watch herself. Sometimes she'd close her eyes- phantom images of a certain someone crossing her mind as she moved her body just the way she wanted. She never once got the chance to 'service' him like a professional. The idea just never came up before. Now it was the only thing she could think of.

She was a bit disappointed when the song ended. At the same time, she didn't realize how much of a workout she had given herself. Her chest lightly heaved as she caught her breath. She wasn't quite aware that the door to the studio room opened up until she saw someone with fiery red hair enter with Roxanne. Sabrina immediately spun around to give them both a dark glare. Roxanne didn't seem to notice Sabrina's annoyance, the newcomer (who had to be a good six feet at least) just grinned at her in a smarmy way.

“Sabrina!” Roxanne happily said, “Come meet Lea. He's that radio host I mentioned earlier.”

Sabrina remained rooted in her spot. It didn't stop Lea from casually walking over to her, extending his hand in hopes of an earnest handshake.

“Pleasure to meet'cha!” Lea grinned. It didn't change Sabrina's outlook on him in the slightest. “Your name is Sabrina, yeah? You wouldn't happen to be the same Sabrina that used to work at the police station with Sora, are you? The one that was fraternizing with another cop. Ventus, I think?”

Sabrina's face immediately paled. Without meaning to, she grumbled under her breath, “Shit.”

“So you are her!” Lea gleefully marveled. “Sora's got a lotta respect for you. Makes Kairi jealous sometimes, you know?”

Sabrina just gave him a stiff nod- unsure if she was going to kill Kairi first when she next saw her, or Sora. Maybe both. Both sounded incredibly tempting at the moment. Then she could steal their kid as a peace offering to Ventus. It would be the perfect revenge.

“How do you know Kairi and Sora?” she asked instead through clenched teeth. She did accept his handshake, although her grip was a bit too hard. Oh well, she had to assert dominance over this moron somehow.

“I'm Kairi's brother if you'd believe it.” Lea snorted. He pulled his hand away with a little shake, but didn't say anything about it. “We don't get to meet up as often as we'd like, but when we do…! Phew, her man really knows how to tell a story.”

“Sora does have a chronic 'won't shut up' problem.” Sabrina agreed with a sneer. She folded her arms in front of her chest in defiance.

“Now, I wouldn't put it like that,” Lea laughed, placing a hand behind his neck. “But he is animated. Hopefully having kids won't knock that out of him too much.”

“Here's hoping.”

From there, a dead silence fell between the two of them. Sabrina casting daggers at Lea from her eyes, while Lea likewise felt a bit out of place. There were few people who made him feel small. Kairi when she was peeved was one of them. This girl, Sabrina, was starting to become another.

“Well, I, uh, should let you girls get back to your lesson.” Lea stammered, hoping to get out of the room as fast as possible now. “It was a pleasure to meet you guys. Roxanne. Sabrina.”

Roxanne gave a happy wave as Lea left, Sabrina just continued to give him a hard glare. Once it was sure that he had left the building, Roxanne immediately turned to Sabrina to take her by the hands.

“You were a cop?!” the bubbly redhead asked. Sabrina’s whole body tensed as she tried to get out of her instructor’s grip.

“Roxanne, now isn’t the time…”

But Roxanne was too in wonder to do much else.

“Well it’s no wonder you got such refined upper body strength!” she went on. “You can’t really tell because you don’t show off a six pack or anything, but do you ever look at yourself in the mirror? How your abs just contract and expand in this beautiful way?”

“How does that even-?”

At this point, Sabrina might as well give up making Roxanne change the subject. She was going to have to excuse herself to leave early today if this kept up. Why did talking about the past feel so much more draining now? It’s not like it was anything she was -too- ashamed of. Were the memories draining because she worked to the point of exhaustion? Was it because of the people she spent time with? No, that couldn’t be right- would it?

Either way, Sabrina was sure of something;

If she saw Lea again, it would be far too soon.

. . .

Sabrina looked at Roxanne like the dance instructor just told her Ventus had recently punted a puppy.

“Don’t worry,” she tried to tell the unamused dancer, “You’ll still be able to do your single routine at the recital. But I think it would be good if you tried a pas de deux as well.”

“With who, Roxanne? Because I don't know anyone else in this studio, and I sure as hell am not just going to start shaking hands with the first guy that walks in.”

Roxanne very quickly twirled her strand of hair in excitement. “Oh, but I think you already know who this is. He’s been a super quick learner for our first session. You and him can come up with a routine for the recital in a snap.”

Sabrina just continued to stare. “No, I don’t think I do.”

“Just trust me.” Roxanne told her, even putting a hand on her shoulder. “He’ll be here on Thursday. I’m going to get you two started as soon as possible.”

Sabrina emitted a low growl of displeasure. Even when she had freedom, she was still trapped. But she was patient… to a degree. She decided to humor Roxanne and waited dutifully for her new dance partner. The odd feeling that the certain someone was blonde kept nagging at her. When the door to the studio room opened, she had to physically keep herself from strangling the six foot, fire red haired mutant that actually did come through the door. He even acted all surprised and thrilled to be with her- that fool.

“Hey Sabrina!” he cheerfully greeted. “Roxanne was telling me that you're looking for a dance partner.”

“I am not.” came the prudent reply. She even folded her arms in displeasure as he walked further forward.

“Ah, too bad.” he teased. He boastfully pointed to himself before adding, “Because you got one right here!”

“Behind the beanpole in front of me, or are they somewhere else in the building? It would be rude to not tell them they aren't wanted to their face.”

“Ha, ha.” Lea retorted in a dry tone. “Look, Roxanne’s kinda already gave me the spiel that you’re not that trusting toward others. I ain’t gonna knock that outta ya because it’s your business. But you’re a good dancer. You put a lot of heart into what you do. Now, I may not be the best, but I want to work with you.”

Sabrina held herself tighter. “Why?” she sharply questioned. “What do you have to gain from it?”

“Do I have to have anything to gain from it?” Lea wondered right back, his hand sheepishly reaching behind his neck. “Maybe I’d just like to dance with a talented partner? Do I hafta go through a whole interview process?”

She wasn’t going to lie, it sounded incredibly tempting. But this wasn’t the police station. This wasn’t even her trying to find some good trait in a super lousy county treasurer with delusions of grandeur. She didn't know Lea well enough to know what he'd do at all. Not knowing if she couldn't trust someone was like being vulnerable; she couldn't allow it, and she wanted it even less. However, she likely wouldn't even be in this spot if she didn't open up more. She flinched, not for the first time today thinking of someone else. If she could have just stopped being an abusive monster and just talked to him like he wanted…

“Fine.” she finally grumbled. Her fingers digging into her arms as she looked back up at Lea. “But only until this next recital. After that, I don't want anything to do with you.”

“Alright, geez.” Lea retorted, unsure if he should be grateful or even more wary. “Dancing with one guy isn't going to change your whole outlook on life, kid.”

Sabrina recoiled a bit. Lea didn't know it, but that was exactly what she wanted to do.

#writing #writing stuff #writers on tumblr #kh fanfiction #kingdom hearts fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #kh fan fic #fan fic #fan fiction

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kurtstinypurse · 4 years ago

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30 Klaine Headcanons Asked & Answered!

thanks for the request, @yas5416!

this is really long, but I’d like to think it’s a good time. I’m answering for my idea of present-day Klaine unless otherwise specified. great mix of SFW & NSFW headcanon prompts below the cut!

pls reply w any opinions on these!!

list is rebloggable here

SFW

1. Who cooks?

They both enjoy cooking and work well together in the kitchen. Kurt’s a stress baker, and he likes to try new recipes to challenge himself when he has the time, but Blaine is the one that throws together easy weeknight meals, and he also likes to pack Kurt a lunch when he has extra time in the mornings.

2. Who’s the messiest? The cleanest?

Blaine’s a pretty clean guy, thanks to his private school upbringing. Kurt’s not messy, per se, but he is a bit more cluttered because he has more stuff. Kurt loves to organize, though, and he goes on organize binges every couple months when he’s stressed. He probably got really into the KonMarie thing, but didn’t really keep up with it. Kurt’s also a messier eater, growing up with Burt. Adding Finn into the mix, he quickly learned to eat fast if he wanted to get his fair share at the dinner table. Blaine’s a really neat eater, especially after moving past the cronut/cheese puff incident.

3. Who fixes the vehicle after a breakdown?

Kurt, of course! He picked up a lot of car knowledge and has a pretty varied skillset thanks to growing up in his dad’s shop. He loves doing it, too. Especially because it turns Blaine on.

4. Living space has a leak! Who fixes it?

They bicker. Blaine tries. Kurt calls the landlord.

5. Who buys the groceries?

They go together. They make it a point to spend every Monday together, since it’s their dark night each week, and that includes grocery shopping. They make a little date out of it, probably get brunch beforehand or find a farmers market.

6. Going out to eat: Who pays? Who orders the most food? And who has dessert?

In high school, Blaine liked to pay for their dates. He ordered more food, but Kurt almost always went for something lighter to save room for cheesecake. Nowadays, their money all comes from the same place, anyway, but everything else still stands...but with a little less cheesecake, because Kurt’s metabolism ain’t what it used to be.

7. Would they go to the beach?

Blaine has definitely dragged Kurt to the beach for a weekend trip. Kurt grumbled about sunburn and sunscreen and skin damage the whole time, but he got to see Blaine tanned and shirtless, and he got to feel Blaine’s skin warm from the sun under his fingertips, so...

8. Who knows how to swim? Who doesn’t?

They both know how, but neither get the opportunity very frequently. When Blaine has the chance, he likes to swim for exercise. Kurt’s more of a floater.

9. Is someone multilingual? Do they try to teach another language to the other? How does it go?

Neither of them are fluent in another language, but Kurt knows a good bit of French, and Blaine’s absorbed some Tagalog from relatives, though he can understand it much better than speak it himself. Kurt has tried to teach Blaine a bit of French, but somehow they always end up distracted...

10. Any pets? Or plants?

Kurt is a cat person, and Blaine is a dog person, so they compromise and get one of each. Kurt insisted on a low-shed, hypoallergenic dog, but somehow he doesn’t seem to mind it if the cat sheds. Blaine likes to take the dog for runs in Central Park.

11. Baths or showers? Together or separate? Any bubbles or bubble fights?

They really like bathing and showering together when they have the time, but it’s more intimate than sexual for them, and it’s kind of a rare occasion because they like to take their time. They’ve tried shower sex, but they never really got the hang of it because it’s overrated, anyway. But they both really enjoy washing one another’s hair and taking care of each other. Blaine will surprise Kurt with a bath when Kurt’s working late, and sometimes Blaine will join him. Lots of bubbles.

12. Can they stand silence? Who talks the most? Who talks the least?

In the early days, they were almost never quiet. They had so much to talk about. But as their relationship became more intimate, they both learned together to appreciate the beauty in silence and the closeness it can offer. Nowadays, they co-exist a lot, Kurt on his laptop and Blaine reading a book in the same room, or Blaine quietly playing piano while Kurt sketches new designs. They both talk a lot when they’re excited or passionate about something, and if one is excited about something, the other gets excited, too.

13. Who stays up late? Who sleeps the most? Does the other have to force them to sleep/wake up?

Kurt tends to be an early riser, but Blaine likes to sleep in when he can. Blaine still tries to wake up early and make Kurt breakfast in bed every once in awhile, but he rarely succeeds in waking up first. On their days off, when they don’t have anywhere to go, Blaine’s a total koala and wants to cuddle all morning, so Kurt has to drag him out of bed. Eventually.

14. Who is the highest maintenance? Does the other mind?

They’re both high maintenance in their own ways, so neither really minds. Kurt is picky about the sort of food and products they buy, and he can be pretty short with Blaine when he’s stressed. Blaine’s the more high maintenance one when it comes to their relationship, though. He needs a little extra validation, a little extra love, but once they got married, Kurt finally understood what Blaine needed. He makes it a point to be affectionate in small ways, like frequent little touches and extra words of affirmation when Blaine’s stressed, too.

15. Vacation ideas: who decides them? Where would they go, if anywhere?

They don’t have much time to travel, and they typically use their few vacation days to visit Burt and Carole in Ohio. When they do have the time, though, Blaine likes to pick out spots for weekend trips, and then Kurt will plan the details. I can really see them spending a weekend or two in a cabin in Maine. They’ve got a bucket list mega-European vacation tentatively planned for some time in the future.

NSFW

1. How often do they have sex, if at all?

If at all. HAH! They both love having sex. Back in high school, they scheduled it to ensure they took advantage of as much empty-house time as possible. During college, they were able to freely have sex as much as they wanted, which ended up being at least something most nights. Nowadays, they schedule it again because they are both so busy, but staying physically connected is very important to both of them. It’s not so much scheduling to tick the box, but scheduling to make sure they take advantage of the opportunity as often as possible.

2. Who brings ideas? Who initiates?

Kurt brings most ideas to the table because truly, Blaine’s just happy to be there. Whatever pleases Kurt pleases him, too. He totally gets off on Kurt getting off. Blaine’s also always ready to get f’ed at the drop of a hat. He’s almost always been the one to initiate unscheduled sex, and though sometimes Kurt plays hard to get...he usually ends up caving.

3. Any kinks they clash on?

Kurt really doesn’t get Blaine’s whole bird thing, but he’s not mad about it.

4. Oddest place they’d have sex?

Other than some drunken make-outs at bars and a little bit of car sex, they’ve only had sex out of their living spaces once. They both fantasized about hooking up at McKinley, but neither were brave enough to do it. Kurt was slammed with work and school and they hadn’t had sex in over a week, which was an eternity for them. He was having a really rough shift at the Spotlight Diner one day, and when Blaine popped in for lunch unexpectedly, Kurt kinda snapped and just had to have him right now, Blaine. So he dragged Blaine into the storage closet and had his way with him. Buuuut they almost got caught, and it scared them enough to stay away from any repeat performances.

5. Favourite positions?

Blaine likes eye contact, so they usually have sex facing each other. When Kurt does bottom, he usually likes to ride Blaine. But when they go a little harder and a little faster, Blaine’s face down, ass up, and Kurt’s completely covering him.

6. Dom/top? Sub/bottom? Any switches?

I will die on the hill that Kurt is a primary top, and Blaine is a primary bottom, with an 85/15% split. Kurt’s pretty dominant in the bedroom, but not particularly to BDSM levels. Blaine really really enjoys pleasing Kurt and letting Kurt take whatever he needs from him. That’s what makes him feel loved and safe.

7. Genital headcanons?

Kurt’s got a pretty big dick. Blaine’s not small by any means, but closer to average. Blaine’s got that thicc ass, though, so y’know.

8. Favourite erogenous zones?

Kurt is really sensitive in general. The neck is a big erogenous zone for him, and his nipples are, too. For some reason, biting Blaine’s earlobe really gets him going, and his inner thighs are a big one, too.

9. Quickest turn ons? Immediate turn offs?

Kurt gets really turned on by Blaine wearing his glasses, wearing sweatpants, curls flying free, just looking generally unkempt. He also finds Blaine to be really sexy right when he gets back from working out. Blaine’s pretty much always turned on.

When they lived in the loft, Rachel’s vocal warmups were an instant mood killer. Now that they live in their own place, there’s not much that comes between them and getting laid.

10. First to orgasm? Last to orgasm? Who comes the most? Does someone ever end up unfinished?

Blaine struggled a bit with premature ejaculation when they first started having sex because he was just so eager. Thankfully, he also has a pretty quick recovery time, so he can usually go twice. Kurt usually gets Blaine off once so he’ll last longer when Kurt’s actually fucking him. Kurt’s got pretty good stamina, so he’ll fuck Blaine until Blaine comes and then keep going because Blaine likes the feeling of oversensitivity and, again, Kurt taking what he needs from him. Also, when Blaine comes, he comes a lot. They don’t really have an issue with either of them not finishing, but Blaine had trouble finishing once or twice after they got back together because he was still feeling a lot of guilt about Eli and cried a lot during sex for awhile. I think about this too much lol bye

11. Favourite romantic gestures during sex/orgasm?

Lots of “I love yous,” lots of kissing. Blaine gets in moods sometimes where he just wants to kiss every square inch of Kurt’s body and make him feel beautiful. Kurt usually gives Blaine permission to come, not as a kinky thing, but as an intimate gesture. “Come on, it’s okay, I’ve got you” kind of thing.

12. How are their afterglows?

Blaine is really, really cuddly. He just wants to gaze at Kurt and hold him and kiss him and tell him how much he loves him. Kurt likes the afterglow, he does, but he also really wants to shower after. But Blaine usually wins out, because who could resist?

13. Who’s loud? Who’s quiet? Does one try to make the other louder/quieter? How?

Neither of them are particularly quiet, but Blaine’s more of a babbler while Kurt’s a moaner. Blaine’s an endless stream of “fuck, I love you, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Iloveyousomuch, fuck,” while Kurt is just moan-y. Kurt probably held back on the moans when they were first having sex, but Blaine encouraged him to be vocal because he gets off on knowing Kurt’s enjoying it. So Kurt moans now, pretty unabashedly but not too loud, with the occasional “fuck” and occasional “Blaine” in the mix.

14. Lights on or off? Do they look at each other? Or is someone embarrassed?

In the beginning, it was lights-off, gentle candlelight only, per Kurt’s request. He was a bit embarrassed about eye contact at first, but he got over the embarrassment soon enough. Blaine really likes eye contact.

15. Open or closed relationship? Do they sometimes share?

They absolutely do not share. They probably have one of those “celebrity freebie lists” where if they were approached and asked for sex they could go for it. Buuut...once they started becoming more successful, and that became anywhere close to realistic, they both decided to shut that down real quick. Kurt is for Blaine, and Blaine is for Kurt, and that’s all.

#this was super fun #sorry it's so long #it got away from me lol #I just have #a lot of thoughts #many things to say #i luv my klaine #and i luv thinking about them #and i luv thinking about them fuckin lmao #my analysis #my headcanon #klaine #klaine headcanon #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #kurt meta #blaine meta #klaine meta

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moldy-mold · 5 years ago

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Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted. At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan. My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.”  Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!  https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠��to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

#diary

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mysticsparklewings · 5 years ago

Photo

Designiest Design

EDIT 11/8/19: The results are in; my design is one of the winning 5!! Thank you so much to everyone who voted, even if you didn't vote for mine! Congratulations to the other winners, and thank you to Culture Hustle for the contest opportunity! EDIT 10/16/19: Culture Hustle has picked their 10 favorite Designs for the contest, and I'm number 9! You can vote for which of the 10 selected you'd like to see as one of the 5 winners over on their Facebook Page OR over on their Instagram! I can't wait to see who the winners are, even if my design isn't one of them. ____ What a world where I'm uploading two contest art pieces back to back This time the contest is hosted by a company called CultureHustle, which is in cahoots with an artist named Stuart Semple, over on their Facebook and Instagram Pages. The details this time around were infinitely less specific than they were for my Nightlights in the Deep piece, so I had infinitely more room to play with ideas, which as any artist knows can be a bit of a double-edged sword. The goal of the contest is to design a cover for their product called the "sketchiest sketchbook" and...that's it. They give a deadline (October 1st) and tell you there'll be five winners and what they're going to do with the design, but that's really it. And honestly, it may be a head-scratcher to some, but to me this comes across as a very fitting way to do it, considering the attitude the company portrays on their website. (Go check it out some of the product descriptions or the About page and I promise you'll see what I mean.) I originally came up with two concepts, both pretty similar and very inspired by the company's vaguely "fight the power" impression and spunk, as well as their origin story. (The short version is that another artist claimed all the rights to the blackest material on the planet for their personal use only and Stuart Semple, as well as many others, didn't like that, so Stuart went into making his own "x-iest x" art products that are available to everyone except the aforementioned blackest-black hog.) So pretty right away my color choices were pretty obvious; Black for Culturehustle's own attempts to make the blackest black paints as well as a nod to the origin of the company, and the pink, blue, green, and yellow after their Powder Paint Pigments: Pinkest Pink, Loveliest Blue, Greenest Green, and Yellowest Yellow, which seem to be more of their claim to fame at the moment. I also would end up adding in a few hand-drawn sparkles to reference their "Most Glittery Glitter" that is actually glass and sounds very cool but I personally would be terrified to use it for fear of getting all that teeny tiny glass in places it shouldn't be. My concepts from the very beginning were kind of all hand-and-magic themed, the hands representing more or less the "hands of the hardworking artist" and the magic...well, that's the art the hands create, of course. The other concept I came up with I was having an excruciatingly hard time finding references for the position of the hand, so that was what ultimately pushed me to this one instead. So we have the hands of the artist, the black void of nothingness, and then the bursting colors and valued tools that fuel the fire of creative inspiration. And while originally I thought of doing completely clean digital lines, while I was working it really felt like the sketchy/rough lines contrasted really nicely with the more rigid solids of the black and the color lines, and it kinda fits with the idea of a sketchbook cover a little better, so I went that route instead. I also kept the less refined shading on the hands since I ended up really liking the way it looked next to the rest of the design. Although I do have to disclose that the hands aren't anatomically correct as far as positioning goes; technically speaking both thumbs should be on the same side (try posing your hands this way for yourself if you don't believe me). But I tried doing that a few different ways, and it just doesn't look as good. The balance feels a lot better to the eyes of the thumbs/positions are opposite. So in the name of having a more attractive design over a more accurate one, I made the executive choice to just let them be opposite. (And admittedly there's probably very few people that would've called me on that, but it was kind of interesting to me when I figured it out for myself so I thought it was worth mentioning.) This design ended up being a lot simpler to take through to completion once I had the concept nailed down than I thought it would be, and it was actually a lot of fun. Especially since I hadn't done much digital stuff lately; it was a nice little warmup to get back into the swing of things, I think. It's one of those pieces where less is more; I feel like there's a surprising amount of depth you could read into it, for as simple as it is. Here's hoping I've done the design enough design-y justice to place in the contest, but honestly I like it so much and it was so enjoyable to make that I'll still be happy just to have it for my own use even if it doesn't. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble | Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

#sketchiestsketchbook

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uniformbravo · 6 years ago

Text

an Post about Me (my day)

i got a new phone case today ok bc like my old one was just a clear soft plastic, v minimal & functional, but ive had it for like 3 yrs so it had gone all gross n yellow w/ age and handling & it was totally falling apart & i wasnt in a hurry to get a new one just yet but my mom surprised me today w/ a new one & it’s like. it’s basically the same but black and opaque & im not gonna fuckin lie my phone looks so fuckin good now oh my god i cant get over it every time i look at it im so?? i love it??? it’s so Sleek like im not one 2 ever call electronics sexy but hoooooo

i thought i was losing my fucking mind today bc i could not remember what nagisa’s motif animal was??? i was literally running through every aquatic animal i could think of in my mind i was picturing those medley relay scenes where theyre swimming n the animals appear but nothing was fuckin coming up for nagisa like it was Bad & i didnt wanna look it up bc i was using my phone for yt & didnt wanna lose my place in the playlist i was on like it was a whole goddamn Thing & then i also didnt wanna Give In bc i Knew i would kick myself the second i found out what it was from it being so obvious i was fuckin. ive never blanked so hard in my life i was like i should KNOW this shit i was THERE what is this Amateur Hour what the FUCk, for 5 fuckin minutes & then when it Finally fuckin hit me it was like a full on arin hanson kinda moment where i just yelled “PENGUIN” in the middle of my living room it was. a journey

this is gonna sound dumb af but ok so every time i get into a new fandom i get rly anxious the first time i try to draw for it, like i feel so stupid trying to draw these new characters n i know the only way to get good at drawing them is to, u know, actually Draw them but for some reason i still always feel like a Fool for even trying so like. that’s a hurdle i have to get over every time i wanna start drawing fanart for a new Thing I Like so you would THINK that if i was gonna go back to drawing for an old fandom i fell out of but have now come back to, like free for example, that wouldnt be an issue right?? like ive already drawn these fools before this should be a piece of cake??? except that like. free came out 5 years ago & to put it lightly my art has improved a Lot since then. free was also my first like, actual anime fandom?? up until that point i’d only been drawing fanart of real people & actors n shit so it was like stylizing a real human, right. so i remember being really intimidated by the thought of trying to draw these anime boys bc holy shit the art style already looked so good how could i possibly convert this into my style, no matter what i did it would be a downgrade right. taking Really Lovely Art & squashing it down to accommodate my limited abilities at the time so i was never really happy with any of the fanart i did back then & i think thats why i was so nervous to draw them again today?? like i sat down w/ my sketchbook, did a little warmup thing (not free), & then just kinda went huh bc like. i know i love doing fanart of the things i love & i know i love free so i knew the logical thing here would be to draw free fanart but i was rly hesitant to try it & almost chickened out, but i stuck through it & drew a haru & then from there i started having ideas for More stuff to draw which turned into a lil series that i want to make & im!!! so glad i got myself to get over that hurdle of First Fanart Anxiety bc if i had just stayed in my comfort zone i wouldnt be working on this new project & i wouldnt have all these sketches im actually rly happy with like! i rly like how today’s drawings came out!! ive honestly been in such a rut w/ art lately & i think this is exactly what i needed to dig myself out & get myself excited to draw again so!! im rly happy!!! today was a Good Day

#retag later #today posts #ok ive been watching a lot of vine comps lately (50 yrs late as usual)#& i swear 2 god literally every time i made some kind of mistake while drawing today my hell brain kept going #''whaddup im rieley im 23 & i never fucking learned how to draw'' EVERY TIME #(i wasn't using reference so it was A Lot Of Times)

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thedappleddragon · 4 years ago

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Day 86 (Saturday June 6)

I woke up from a dream where in one part I was in a video game (?) where I was a ghost trying to take something from someone’s basement and the most difficult part was jumping over the dog 3 times. There was cooking involved too, I don’t really remember much. But right before I woke up I was holding the charging cable I was trying to take and was a ghost in my own bedroom, back to the wall and ceiling right above my bed. Two siblings, a boy and a girl, were staring straight at me, saying things like “if you’re really there, move something” and other things you would say out into a room while checking for ghosts. My heart was pounding, and when I shifted a little, the boy saw me shouted “there!” and alerted his sister. That’s about all I remember, other than feeling like I had had this dream before, or at least the video game portion of it.

I woke up and went outside, sat on the grass, watched YouTube, supervised my cat, went inside, played webkinz and stardew valley, ya know, the same things I’ve been doing for over a week. I watched a lot of avatar md I realized that my adult design for my dnd oc Valka kind of looks like Katara in her fire nation disguise. I was watching a good chunk of book 3, and katara is kind of a bitch huh. I really like Tai Lee or however it’s spelled, and the beach episode was fun and really punched me in the face reminding me that all the antagonists (aside from the fore lord) are like 16 and really damn edgy. Most of the time my brain defaults to assuming they’re all adults (aside from Aang). BRUH SOME OF THESE KIDS ARE 14 WHAT THE HELL. Why are so many protagonists literal babies lmao. I always forget how young they are, and when I DO remember I remember whatever the hell I was going at that age and laugh. LMAO look at all these children running all across the globe trying to kill each other aljflfjslfsjjslgjlsf.

When my dad came home, I was watching avatar in the kitchen boiling some water for pasta and he tried talking to me which made me madder than it should have, but I didn’t want to try and split my attention between the two. I got angry again later when he interrupt my and talk to me about driving and my test coming up on the 10th and not the 11th apperantly. I just really didn’t want to be bothered today.

Unrelated but today and yesterday I’ve been wearing my only pair of short shorts I would normally never wear and I feel cute as hell, because most of the time I’m alone and no one’s looking at me and I don’t have to look at myself and I can just imagine that I looks so damn cute in these shorts. But yesterday when I went outside and heard my neighbors, I was afraid of being looked at, so I felt like I had to be really careful of all my movements. But today I had a moment when I was washing my hands and looking at myself in the big bathroom vanity and I looked cute as hell 💕

I tried drawing a little today, but gave up quickly because I didn’t like how it was turning out and I didn’t do any warmup sketches.

Tomorrow I have to visit some relatives somewhere. I don’t really know what the hell is going on, I’m just going wherever my dad drags me

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #corona diary #ometimes ill be doing the most mundaine shit and then ill look down at my legs and think aw pretty but like not even in an attravtive way #like if i were to draw myself it would be fun to draw and nuce to look at #mortofying ordeal of being known brain: ew dont look at me #art brain: hehe curves fun to draw #hooray body positivity #damn all this 2 am body confidence and noone to share it with 😔#thats not an invatation to be nasty

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keefwho · 1 year ago

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July 24 - 2023 Monday

10:43 PM

Today I felt very bleh, like my head was empty. Might be due to the missed sleep the past couple days so I’ll be sure to get to bed on time tonight for real.

For breakfast I had half a totino’s pizza, a pear cup, and a couple oreos. I spent my brief free time playing Neopets games.

The stream went okay. My warmup kinda sucked because I’m trying to figure out a way to do sketches on my sketch sheet then finish those on a new canvas while still retaining the feeling that everything is real loose. For a little bit I was just finishing them as low res thumbnails on the sketch sheet itself but the point of the sheet is to be a collection of incomplete and experimental things. Having completed drawing in it does not sit right with me but taking a sketch and moving it to a new canvas makes it feel more important than it is. The point is to make a little doodle that turned out good enough to post, not a pre-planned successful kind of drawing. Im sure I’ll figure something out. I feel there is a lot I need to improve on with my process and how exactly I color including the actual brush settings. There will be lots of experimenting in my future. Also on stream we finally got to watch more episodes of Rugrats because we watched the movie that ties seasons together this weekend in Discord. We also watching Courage and I’m thinking we will watch 1 episode of each show a day. I only did half commission time today and spent a little more time finishing an emote commission I had.

After stream I did my workout in it’s entirety despite how physically tired I felt. I really had to push through this one but that’s kind of the point isn’t it. I meant to clean up first but I forgot so I cleaned up after my shower. In the shower I was about to ask my friend straight up if I had permission to think about them while I took care of myself but I decided to do it to something else intentionally. I’ve briefly brought this up to them before. I think it’s given that sometimes we jerk off to each other without the other knowing. However I know how she feels about being sexualized and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if she would actually appreciate me thinking about her like that on my own time sometimes. It bothers me enough that I do think it would good to ask permission beforehand or have a brief discussion about it. This might be weird of me but I’m just listening to how I feel. I respect her tremendously and want to exercise expressing that.

For lunch I was excited to make a hearty helping of Rice a Roni with lentils, meatballs, broccoli, green beans, and onions. It turned out okay as usual but I was hoping it came out better. It was still a solid meal. I invested more time into Neopets while it cooked. I’m enjoying some of the minigames.

I feel I did a poor job on today’s request. The whole time I was thinking about how I want to make something I can be proud of but it just wasn’t coming together. It came out okayish but I wanted to do better. Next I spent an hour working on a TOTK pic of my otter and my friend’s sona. I mostly tidied up the sketch and then completely lined it, taking extra care to do a good job so thats why it took so long. After that work was officially over but I wanted to do more so I briefly setup the new horse avatar I got so I can start turning it into my most recent horse sona.

I spent time in my friend’s server where there was a lot of negative talk about one of my other friends about his overly sexual behavior. I felt sort of bad because it was more or less shit talking them behind their back and I was just going along with it. Usually if I talk about him with others, its coming from a place of at least mild affection. Some of this was just mean though.

Tonight I watched my friend give me a sort of rundown of the Neopets website and some of it’s history, I liked listening to her about it. I love hearing her be passionate about anything. After that we hopped on Pony Town for a tiny bit and looked at characters people made before checking out my little house and giving each other horse kisses. I started dinner while she headed up to bed and we chatted a bit.

Today I wasn’t proud of much. Just the usual amount of proud for doing things to the best of my ability. I did well on my workout especially, and doing that little bit of extra avatar work.

For some reason my self perspective was very lacking today. I kinda just wasn’t there, at least not in a great capacity. Looking back there were moments that would have benefitted me being more involved in the present. Spending time with anyone is a good example because it only becomes truly meaningful if I am offering my full attention and appreciation. Tomorrow will be another day to exercise my awareness and put it to good use.

#journal #diary #self awareness

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

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April 25th-May 1st, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from April 25th, 2020 to May 1st, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What is your warm-up routine before you write or draw something related to your story?

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Honestly? I don’t have a formal warm-up, but I definitely like to have my fingers all warmed-up and ready for lots of typing! I really need to get in the mindspace for the particular image/idea being portrayed, though.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

1) Seek out music that matches the energy of the page, 2) Draw some circles/spirals/hatchmarks to loosen up, 3) Pick the easiest thing on the page and finish it first to build momentum, 4) Repeat Ad Infinitum

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

-listen to music from my playlist -read some fanfics -watch YouTube videos from my subscription -get some tea -stretch/workout -wear my comfiest clothes

CalimonGraal(Fenauriverse)

i'm also another one that listens to music before doing story stuff. (sometimes either is a favorite song/song i'm obsessed with atm or one that matches the current scene)

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I usually reread my comic so far and listen to some music I associate with it to get me in the mindset and excited for it

eli [a winged tale]

I have a warm up character to go to! Usually I try for some gestures before getting right back to the panels. It gets the rustiness out of the way for me!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Ooh I love your warm ups, Eli!

eli [a winged tale]

Thank you! It’s easier for me to get into a routine when I have something fun to draw first (with zero expectations)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't always need a warm up, but doing panel borders for HoK makes for an excellent warm up. It gets my brain switch gears to comic mode. Music is great, but I only turn it on for important moments (or illustrations outside of comic). There are certain moods that... recur in important moments in my story, and I have playlists for those. e.g. 'sad emotional intimacy'

eli [a winged tale]

I love how music influences our work! I would love to hear all your playlists if you have them easy to share

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ooooh @eli [a winged tale] i like the motion in your warmups! They're very fluid and nice to look at @keii’ii (Heart of Keol) Keii, I agree with separating playlists for moods! I usually just group them all in my favourites and mentally search for them

DanitheCarutor

Gosh I'm one of the most boring people. Lol I don't have a routine, I don't need one since I'm always in comic mode. Like, all I ever draw is comic pages. I don't have a script or anything that requires writing, so no need for a warm-up for that. I just jump right into it.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Sounds like you live on the edge which is the opposite of boring 8)

eli [a winged tale]

DanitheCarutor

I dunno, it would be cool to do warm-up drawing. That would sure help for gesture/color/anatomy practice. I just don't have the time, a page takes about 4 days to finish without outside distractions, so I have to get to work right away.

eli [a winged tale]

If you can jump right in, that’s great! For me otherwise I just stare at the inks and wish it would colour itself

DanitheCarutor

Ffff I'm like that with dynamic shots where the perspective points are off the page, and I have to tape scrap paper to it, and sometimes my ruler isn't long enough. Working in a traditional medium can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. Lol

This panel is a good example.

Top view perspective lines went way off the page, I hate it.

Anyways, that's my complaint for the day.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

When I draw warm ups. This was of my 'for practice' comic art. I wanted to practice the vertical scroll storytelling. A lady gets her purse string cut, and the thief runs off. Whenever I want to figure out action scenes, I do little character interactions. It helps me learn more about certain character behavior(edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Nice! Practice comics are great!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah it's really good too!

it's also a great way to possibly have new stories/series

kinda like.....brainstorming, but applied

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Thank you Eli, Shadow. I try to combine my knowledge of storyboarding, since vertical scroll sequences, are similar to that in some regards.(edited)

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

I.... Don't do warm up. I just... Start drawing(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

dang Holmea you living the risky life

that's brave

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

I am pretty sure of my skill. Should I warm up?? Could be super to start warm ups! I check my mail, find out how we are doing online with our comic and just begin to draw. I guess since I have done it professionally as a 2d animator, and there is not really time to warm up, that I have learned to just start

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I do warm ups for everything! though what I define as warmups depend on each creator. For me, it begins with stretches and sketching, ill doodle things i need to get out of my head so i'm not distracted by those ideas- they usually involve studies, certain character interactions, or thumbing out pieces I want to tackle later! I may sure to draw everyday to flex that too, so its also important to be able to relax those creative muscles with some pre-work!

also! my warm ups vary with what medium i work in. if Im working in watercolours, i practice fine pencil work and get my lines as loose as possible. when it's comic (so mainly inking) i do what I described above with character studies and what not

kayotics

I’m really bad at remembering to do warm ups. I should.... actually do them more, but the time I have dedicated to drawing is usually pretty limited

Deo101 [Millennium]

Because I usually finish off whatever I had been working on the day before, warmups for me are kind of the process of starting a new piece. All the sketching and thumbing to get my next idea out work pretty well for warming me up, and then I feel ready to go by the time I'm needing to do things like lines. I also get music going that fits the mood of what I'm working on, like lots of people seem to do! I also need to remember to do stretches more :/ And I usually get myself some kind of drink, tea or something, to keep me company while I work ;)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Sounds like you are pretty busy, Kayotic. Yeah warm ups can be a good practice before diving into a big illustration

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Weirdly I don't think I've ever done warmups for illustrations. Only comic work!

Probably because illustrations, I just do them whenever I feel like it, so my brain is already ready (i.e. I don't start if my brain isn't ready)

whereas comic... I can't just wait for my brain to get ready. I need to keep updating it.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Pro-tip: if you decide to not do anything and procrastinate, you don't have to warm-up!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

hmm, can't say i've really tried warming up for art before, but i've heard it can really help! What are you guys' art warm up routines?

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it's just kinda mindless sketching til I hit what it is I wanna be doing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Make panel borders (not really a routine though, at least I don't think it is)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

When I do watercolor, I usually don't do warm ups unless I'm planning from thumb-> sketch ->color thumbs and figuring out local colors for watercolor then doing my watercolor flats from there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Instead of staring at a blank screen and waiting, making little circles or scribbles or drawing like. Some arms or something til, eventually, my brain thinks we're working and then it's like "ah yes! Here we go!"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but digitalllyyyyy I shoullddddddddd

my brain when looking at my comic: "aight time to do the thingy lmao"

Deo101 [Millennium]

If I've already got a sketch waiting to go I can jump right in though

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

idk, I should but my time is usually limited so I haven't done a warm up in a while lmao.

now I have the time, I probably would

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ohh i see

like some quick sketches

i see how that can help- whenever i'm figure drawing or drawing people in a cafe or something my later ones are always better

how is making panel borders a warm up? don't you have to do that anyways?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Lines with intent! Doesn't matter what the purpose is, same kinda thing as drawing a bunch of straight lines in a row or practicing ellipses a bit

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's something I can do with my brain turned off. While I do it, it wakes up the comic-making part of my brain

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh ye

Deo101 [Millennium]

Which I'd encourage doing things like drawing a ton of ellipses or straight lines, it gets your hand into the groove so you can draw stuff right the first time

Do I do it often? No But I do encourage it

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ah i see keii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

So for me, the panel borders can function like a warmup without being a "ritual." Kinda like if you're... say... hiking, walking from your parking spot to the trailhead can be a warmup even if it's not a ritual and is necessary anyway

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ooo that's an interesting way of putting it

... man I really should consider warm ups often. I have been touching my sketchbook less and less so lmao

I do find making small thumbs and coloring them in relaxing for me, not sure that count as a warm up but its something I like doing when planning out watercolor illustrations lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Relaxing/chilling/ "reward after a long day" arting is also an interesting topic, though not 100% suitable for this week's question...

I find it interesting how a lot of people seem to like, make cute ship doodles, whereas I uhhh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

lineart is the easiest for me to do though. I don't have to think much about it

maybe i should like line a page as warm up?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'll drop some examples in art share in a bit

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ooh please do(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That sounds like a good idea! Worth trying

Feather J. Fern

I actually read in a artist self care comic "Draw Stronger: Self Care of Artist" that you are supposed to stretch and stuff before you art so your body is warmed up for long periods of sitting. Things i draw before getting into main art, the one line challenge where you draw something using one line, gesture drawing warm ups, and always becuase it's something I recently been doing, is drawing a thumbs up on a page that I can erase later or keep in a sketchbook as in like "Good job "(edited)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I don't have a warm-up routine before I sit down and draw / write comics. Besides making a cup of coffee before I dive right in. (edited)

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't follow rules

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

i don't really have any warm up routines. it helps that 3d art is less physically demanding than drawing. during/after my work, i try to look away from the screen and relax my eyes every so often, but i can't think of anything i specifically do before working.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Another dive-right-inner here. I mean, I do loose pencil sketches before putting down lineart, but it's not like a separate warmup drawing before the real one, it's just the start of the real one.

If my brain isn't in "comics mode" and I need to get a page done...I find a nice secluded spot, sit down with the blank sketchbook, and stare at the empty paper until ideas start clicking into place. Unrelated sketches would be a distraction at that point -- same as checking twitter, just one more excuse for my brain to focus on something other than the page.

Used to do the seclusion in local restaurants( whether it's a nice place or just a plastic fast-food table), but obviously that hasn't been an option for a while :/

varethane

My warmup is working eight hours at an unrelated job l-lol

eli [a winged tale]

Haha aw that’s a mood

Miranda

Oh boy do I feel that

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh that got real

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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