#this website sucks and i cant escape it

[phrysic]

the absolute WORST thing abt personalitydatabse is that its the only popular website where a community of typology enthusiasts thrives. and it sucks because most of the analyses r half-hearted and wrong.

[is-this-yuri]

have you been doomscrolling? feeling awful about it? do you feel out of control? does it seem your autonomy has been swallowed by the ever present beast that is the internet?

we live in the most overwhelmingly stimulating age of humanity ever seen, and it's only getting worse. our brains are sponges, soaking up whatever we smear them across, and it seems more and more difficult to find a clean surface to rest on. i'm no expert or professional, but ive been born and raised into the internet, and i'd like to hand out some wisdom regarding this.

the main issue: brain poison

since the brain absorbs whatever it's exposed to, media consumption is unsurprisingly going to effect it. the type of media, the amount of media, and the frequency of the media all play a factor.

it's not the internet itself that's bad here. it's the media on the internet, and the platforms designed to suck in our attention and keep it there until we're rotting inside our skulls.

we're never going to escape the internet. it's just a fact of life now, and a tool that can be used for wonderful things. so how do we learn to live with the internet and take advantage of its potential?

treat it like a dietary balance

staying aware of what goes in your brain is just as important as being aware of what you're eating. if you eat carelessly, don't listen to how your body feels after you eat certain things, and ignore any sickness that might result from rotten food, you're going to have a bad time and wreck your guts. the same goes for the brain.

you want to have a good mix of various types of media in the right amounts, or approximately so. if things are feeling bland, maybe diversify. if things are feeling stupid, try something more intellectual. if it's feeling too much, cut back on all of it

the following are three things you can do to maintain a sense of control and awareness over your media diet. this isnt a step by step and is in no particular order, theyre just ideas to carry forward in general any time it could be helpful.

1. digest

this is the process of thinking about and remembering what youve done throughout your time on the internet. it could apply to any period of time. so you might think, 'man, i've done nothing but watch tiktok all day.' or 'i've been scrolling twitter a lot more this past week.'

i feel like most people already do this to some extent, but it manifests as a fleeting sense of anxiety or shame that doesn't lead anywhere. analyze that feeling, and ask if it's really true or helpful.

ask if your media consumption is making you feel less focused, distracted, putting you into a brain fog, making you fall asleep when you don't want to, making you irritable and angry, drawing you into arguments, keeping you awake at night, or upsetting/disrupting you in any way.

digestion also means appreciating the good stuff and recognizing the good feelings you get too. so also ask if it's enriching you, helping you learn something new, giving you a new perspective, exposing you to something beautiful, passing the time, relaxing you, honing your focus, or generally lifting your mood.

2. cut

cut certain types of content from your life once you've decided they're not good for your media diet. block people. move on. tell youtube to stop reccomending that channel. block them. unfollow people. unfollow tags. block the tags. blacklist things. do it. forget the awful things that make your brain hurty. click the block button. uninstall the app. you know you want to

consider removing yourself entirely from websites that are designed to be attention predators. if you consistently feel like youre 'stuck' on a site and cant leave, it's probably best to just delete your account and get out of there. tiktok is NOTORIOUS for this.

i also tend to keep my following or subscribed count low. keeping the stream of content short forces me to find other things to do with my time. this goes hand in hand with things like turning off infinite scroll. it provides an 'end point' where the repetitive action of scrolling down stops bearing fruit, breaking the doomscrolling cycle. the internet is almost an infinite place, and its up to you to build walls around yourself so you arent lost in it forever.

its also important to get off the internet in general sometimes. i know this is obvious, but literally touch grass on occasion. doing anything with your physical body away from the screen will be more enriching than sitting there scrolling for hours. whether it's just a 5 minute walk around your house to stretch your legs or a 6 hour hike every weekend, part of cutting media will mean replacing it with real life. looking at some plants, doing a pushup, or working on a knitting project can be like rinsing your brain sponge under some cold, clean water.

3. curate

the flip side of cutting is curating. you'll want to be looking for media that makes you happy and feels productive or meaningful in some way. anything that not only doesnt make you feel like you wasted your time, but specifically makes you feel like you spent your time well, is a green flag.

keep in mind entertainment just for entertainment's sake is good for you too. you don't have to be watching university lectures and tutorials and stuff all day. finding high quality entertainment, such as personalities you enjoy, good production values, and inventive ideas can be really difficult. find the people who dont make you feel like a cocomelon baby and stick with them. from there you should be able to find similar content.

what's good for your soul is going to depend very much on you as an individual. this is also going to be an ongoing process as not only you but the internet both change and evolve. the important thing about this step is that you Make Decisions about what to consume. even bad decisions! it's all part of the process, and it's all about reclaiming your autonomy.

4. eat your junk food

this isn't a military drill or an exact science. i'm just a guy on tumblr with an intimate connection to his own brain and a LOT of time on the internet. that's my only credential. sometimes i want to turn that brain off and just mindlessly consume without putting any thought into what dirty dishwater is soaking into my sponge. sometimes adhd brain wants me to watch a shitty B movie in recap form so i dont have to commit to a full movie. sometimes i get stuck in the youtube shorts for like 3 hours.

that's fine. the most important part of any kind of self care is that a little bit is better than nothing. even just being aware that youre consuming something bad for you and knowing you arent ready to stop just yet is better than nothing.

thats it!!

now you should be prepared to take back some control over your media consumption. be gentle with yourself and take your time. eventually this stuff will become second nature, and you'll be effortlessly digesting, curating, and cutting media like it's just part of your personality. remember YOU have control over what the internet thinks you want to see. dont let it force feed you nasty slop anymore. let it be a reflection of your mind, not the other way around.

and good luck!

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

ive been following you for a while and i will say it was funny when you got sucked into steven universe discourse. even the owl video blog cant escape it, this truly is the steven universe discourse website

I’m a known SU enjoyer and the drama around it is really stupid.

[peachinfo]

hey guys i just narrowly escaped a panic attack by smoking two bowls very quickly!

i apologize in advance if you fit any of the things on this list but i have cptsd and i dont know how to ask for help. i realize this may come off as an excuse of sort or something idk im stoned but what im trying to say is im sorry its not personal i promise i just cant fucking word my thoughts appropriately and it’s frustrating and i cant do the read more thing on mobile god this website sucks sometimes how the fuck did i ge tthis off track now it doesnt even flow as well into the hate list :/

i hate all men!

i have trust issues!

specifically with men!

specifically with alcoholics!

specifically with white people!

specifically old black men!

[ceasarslegion]

Well you see, obviously biden is the worst case scenario and i have no long term memory!

The shit ive been seeing from americans lately is so incredibly braindead stupid that they really arent escaping the "worst educated country in the developed world" allegations. Like do they seriously think you can boycott democracy and expect to keep it

Before anyone calls me naive, i literally have an ivy league degree in politics in which i graduated with honours with high distinction. Politics is like 80% of what im qualified to talk about. "No one is good so i wont vote! Hmph!!" Is whats naive at best and likely just stupid. Like im tired of being nice about it. Its not a "difference of opinion," its just fucking stupid. If you think that way youre legitimately just stupid because you apparently dont have the brain capacity to realize what the consequences for your country will be if you treat the political process of your nation like a retail chain

And actually, i dont care what minority you are anymore. I dont care how marginalized you are. If you have the ability to vote and refuse to because youre being a child about what your realistic options are, you are being stupid. Being marginalized does not mean you cant be stupid, which you are being. You know what actually is being complicit in the increase in minority deaths and oppression? Refusing to participate in what could keep your cheeto-in-chief from winning a second term and deciding that all trans people need to be put in camps and tried as child predators because the voting for the other guy would huwt youw feewings. You are legitimately all fucking IDIOTS

And similarly, i dont care how marginalized you are. If you peddle that moronic bullshit and then get trump again, i dont have any sympathy for you left. Because thats obviously what you wanted if you refused to do anything that felt uncomfortable in order to decrease the potential evil youd get in the future. Not voting is not an apolitical act. If that happens, then by not voting, youre saying that you wanted this. And i will not have any sympathy left for how it affects you no matter what your minority is. Like im so done with the attitude of "well im marginalized so everything i say is right" on this website. You are still a dumbass.

SUCK. IT. UP.

I feel a little bad for saying it but with the way i see americans on this site throwing childish temper tantrums about how nobody is perfect and pure so they wont vote at all is going to make it very hard for me to have any sympathy for them in the event that trump wins a second term and makes their country a straight up fascist dictatorship.

At that point its going to be very hard for me to see a huge group of users talking about it without just rolling my eyes and going "yeah, its almost like this could have been avoided huh. Now lie in the bed you made for yourself"

[justexistinghere122]

Bad Habits

Ouch! Here she was, back at it again, watching the small itty-bitty drops of blood resurfacing. A habit Eva thought shes forgotten and moved on from, a relic of the past, decided to come back at what was supposed to be the happiest time of her life.

Studying in America. Being the youngest one there, just 15 surrounded by 17 year olds shouldve mattered more to her before. But it didnt matter. Nothing mattered the moment she got that golden envelope from that god-forsaken school, her dream since she first heard of that horrible academy.

The website looked good and the test wasnt... that hard. Probably the reason she went up 2 classes. Bless gifted child syndrome and the Romanian education system, am I right? Yeah, bless them overestimating Eva and putting her above the level she was supposed to be in. Only a class shouldve been skipped.

Here she was again, hiding in a spare room, holding a stolen cuter hearing cheerful small talk below her, the guest and the parents she was assigned too surely enjoying their party. Frustration and sadness would describe her if those werent the feelings she was desperately running away from.

A long-short list included:

Rulers ( good for beating and not permanent marks)

Scalpels ( small finger cuts)

A stolen cutter ( the word stolen shows desperation; Good for more pain, longer cuts in every sense of the word, crying, and most importantly, Blood;)

Geometry thingys ( still cant find the word in english)

The knifes that almost dont cut everything ( nice at running the blade along arms, non permanent, hurtful, both available here and 3 years ago in Romania )

Nails ( scratch, impressive damage for method)

Scissors ( same as knifes)

Anything you might desire :)

Its like an itch. An itch that needs to be scratched. An urge to hurt, escaping from '' wrong emotions" . Theres always been pressure, pressure to succed. Strive for perfection in all things, fueled by the brutal fear of failure and dissaipointment . Imposed wouldn’t be good, but it’s worse when the person with the atrocious reaction will be herself. She thinks, that is, as she’s never actually experienced the thing. Failure, despite being her biggest fear and source of panic attack breakdowns wasn’t something she really experienced. If failing to qualify to the final phase in a math contest in second grade doesn’t count.

BUT SHES GOTTEN BETTER!! That was the worst of it all. All those streaks, the 3 year cut free celebration, they were for nothing???? The fear and pain shes gotten away from in primary school, the panic attacks at school from 5th grade AND…… the cutting thing. The painful and shameful bad habit that was resurfacing.

She wanted back. Back to Romania, back to her parents, the ones that understood her pain, changed and supported her, making the pain stop ( plus the guest family sucks), back to her siblings, a source of endless happiness, away from the hiding and soul crushing fear of failing.

Whatever. America wasn’t all that bad. There were a few people ( Mercy, Violet, Jaime) that helped, and when there weren’t exams or audience it was actually pretty nice. Just the fakeness of it all. Even her stuck up, know it all and some might even say… bitchy “personality” was pretty much a front. But who cares? Meh. It just… it was better in Romania.

@brunos-rat @anony-knifey

[cyancherub]

hello cassie ❤ i'm just a random subscriber but still i want to let u know that u just started this goddamn gojo brainrot in me...........how??? i don't know i didn't even like this character while watching jjk 😭😭👍🏻 but your posts just awakening something in me!!! still trying to resist though

and also thank you for your works, you are DEFINITELY among the authors on this lovely website whose writing's helping me to develop my vocabulary (english is my second language, sorry if i sound weird/strange/cringy or sth) 😎

my personal present to you: a MEME with a cat which says a russian word пососи (pronounced as posose??pososi??? idk) which means "suck it" and i genuinely consider it to be funny..........ok maybe cringy but i hope you'll forgive me 🤡

ааа привет юлия !!!! спасибо за это приятное сообщение) <3 и axaxa)))  im glad i could start the gojo brainrot !!! LMAO JOIN ME IN GOJO HELL !!! pls i cant escape him im also trying to resist but it is proving futile 🤚🤚 free us LMAO

AHHH that's so great to hear !!! я изучаю русский язык и я рада, что я могу помочь тебе с английским! and nono your english is great!!!

IM CRYING THANK U FOR THE CAT MEME HAHAHA !!! it actually looks so much like my cat im cackling

[silvercrystalwhump]

Silence and Milkshakes

TW: dehumanizing whumpee, General bbu warning, implied past noncon, tired and stressed boy

The engine of the old, filthy truck hums with a low drone; something clicks around in the hood. It could be nothing, or it could be something terrible. Flynn isn’t planning on checking it now. It is a nice distraction from the aching throb in his side. Silently, he rubs his fingers on the worn leather steering wheel, just barely cooler than the surface of the sun. When he first bought this car, he hated the way the leather stuck to his hands and made driving a lifetime commitment, but now it only resonates warmth through the calluses of his fingers.

The radio is turned down; it broke and is now stuck on an old jazz station saturated in static. Flynn can tell what the artist is through the grinding of the static, he thinks it’s Miles Davis, but Flynn was more likely to guess the winning lottery numbers than guess the song currently playing. Flynn taps lightly on the brake as he approaches a light. Yellow lights glare down at him from its pole. As the car rolls to a stop, Flynn glances at his passenger seat.

Kai is sitting there. Yesterday, Flynn gave him one of his hoodies for comfort while he was at school. Unfortunately, the high school hoodie permanently acquired the faint smell of cigarette smoke years ago. Kai sits as straight as a nail, eyes at his feet. His hands are perfectly still on his lap.

Position 3.

Flynn presses on the gas, and the car lurches forward. His eyes go back to the road, but his thoughts stay on the box boy. He had read up on some information about box boys from WRU’s website. They are people who signed over their rights to get better, happier lives. Flynn keeps himself from scoffing at the thought. Happier lives, Kai looks like he’s seen some horrible stuff. Hell, he’s been traumatized to the point of muteness. Flynn had triple-checked his medical records for anything that would render him mute, but he found nothing.

Why willingly put yourself through that?

Flynn pulls into a small section of town, and he drives the car into a Chick-fa-la drive-through. He wants something in his stomach before he goes and lifts bricks all day from some rich guy. His eyes trail back to Kai, “Do you want anything bud?”

Kai’s bright green eyes look at him. For a moment, Flynn thinks that he’s not going to respond. But, instead, Kai tilts his head slightly, strands of silky red hair fall across his face. Some deep inside Flynn, a side of him twisted by the horror he lives with every day, understands why someone would buy a little box boy like Kai.

So tiny, adorable.

Flynn curses himself and says, "Do you want a milkshake?"

Kai nods silently. His thin fingers pull at the shorts Flynn gave him a week ago. Flynn pretends not to notice; Kai seems to panic when he does.

"Wjat flavor?"

Kai blanks again. Green eyes looking wide at the menus that glow in the early morning light. His eyes grow distant, and he just looks back at Flynn.

Flynn sights and raises a hand. Kai flinches, Flynn pretends to ignore it. Then, he holds up a finger, "Can you hold up fingers?"

Kai nods. The tiny box boy is as tense as hardwood cut against the grain.

"Okay, one for vanilla, two for chocolate, and three for cookies and cream."

Flynn watches the gears turn in Kai’s head. Three pale fingers raise for a second before shooting back to his thigh. Flynn gives Kai a warm smile as he pulls around to the speaker.

As Flynn orders, he sees Kai shift in his seat. Kai pulls his knees into the hoodie and tries to hide his nose in his knees. Flynn notices the boy shivering, and once he finishes ordering, he leans into the partial backseat and pulls out an old quilt.

"I know it's chilly bud, the heat doesn't work in this car," Flynn says as he wraps the quilt around Kai's body. Kai looks with wide eyes at Flynn. He seems to lean into Flynn's touch, no matter how brief the contact.

The drive over, and Flynn hands the woman cash and grabs the food. He sets in it the cup holder area and pulls out. As he drives, he gives the milkshake to Kai. The box boy gingerly takes the cup and holds it. His eyes on Flynn, the entire time, waiting in his eyes.

"That's yours Kai, you can drink it."

Kai instantly puts the straw in his mouth and tries to suck down all of the liquid. Almost immediately, he regrets it. Flynn holds back a chuckle, "You can't drink it so fast Kai you'll get a brain freeze."

Kai blinks at the drink and puts the straw back in his mouth, this time drinking slower. Flynn tosses a chicken mini into his mouth, and he keeps driving.

He drives mindlessly for a few lights until Kai sneezes, ripping him back to reality.

At a red light, Flynn looks over at Kai. He put the milkshake into a cup holder and is now quietly sleeping against the seat belt. Flynn smiles subconsciously and then memories of a few nights ago.

He had awoken to Kai sleeping against his chest. Flynn shoved him aside in a panic and freaked the little guy out. Guilt gnawed at his throat all day after that.

Kai has not tried to touch him since.

Flynn swears under his breath. Why did he put him? There were so many ways to handle that, and you chose aggression.

Why am I so much like my father?

Flynn shoves those thoughts aside. Now wasn't the time for self-loathing; he had the stuff to do. He needs to drop Kai off at Chloe’s and get to work. Gritting his teeth, Flynn pulls through onto one of the highways near his home.

Usually, he wouldn't mind leaving Kai home by himself. Since he got home before his Father, Kai stayed in his room, so even if he did, he would be fine. Not today.

His Dad will have his drinking buddies over to watch the game tonight. Flynn rubs his thumbs across the leather of the steering wheel, anxiety crawling up his spine.

Dad expects him to cater to his friends.

One of those friends is Morrie Mitchell.

Flynn holds back a gag as he pulls into the shopping district of the town. A small bakery with its backlights on sits off to the right. Flynn, with white knuckles, pulls into the back parking.

Putting the car in park, Flynn sets his head on the steering wheel. Bile rises in his throat, but Flynn bites it back.

Hands, he can feel ghost and across his back. The man's voice is a specter across his mind, whispering twisted sweet nothings. He wants to hide away from a voice and hands that are not there.

Tap tap.

Flynn rips his head up and locks eyes with Worried dark eyes. He sighs and opens the door; Chloe stands out in the dawn light. The golden light crosses her face and makes her skin look like golden chocolate.

"Sorry," Flynn says, "I'm just out of it this morning."

Chloe smiles, "Not an issue, I have coffee inside if you want some."

Flynn nods, "Yeah, thanks."

Hopping out of the car, he walks over to the car’s passenger side and opens the door.

Kai stirs. He wakes up and looks at Flynn, confusion and worry across his face.

"Hey bud," Flynn says calmly, "Chloes going to watch you while I'm at work today."

Chloe walks up behind him and wakes at Kai. Flynn guides Kai out by the hand. Kai hops out of the car and lands next to Flynn. Chloe looks down at Kai’s hands and says, "Hd drew on his hands."

Kai freezes and starts to shake. Flynn mentally curses and tries to soothe him, "Its alright bud, it's okay."

Flynn reaches into the car and grabs Kai’s milkshake. Then, leaning into the back of the truck, his fingers wrap around an old math notebook. He hands both to Kai and says, "How about the draw in here okay?"

Kai nods profusely, his eyes begging out apologies. Flynn guides Kai towards the bakery.

Chloe trots out in front of them and opens the door. She steps into a sitting area in the back for the staff that's linked to the pantry.

"I explained the situation to Ma as you explained to me and she's perfectly fine with him staying here."

"Thank you Chloe," Flynn yawns, "I seriously cant thank you enough."

Chloe smiles, "Dont mention it."

She turns to Kai, who holds his things in a death grip, "How are you Kai."

Kai just steps behind Flynn and inches as close to him as possible.

"He doesn't speak," Flynn says softly as he leads Kai over to the worn couch, "He'll listen to you though."

"Mute or nonverbal?"

"I don't know, he just doesn't talk."

Kai sips on his milkshake and bundles in both the quilt and the jacket.

Flynn walks towards the door and pulls out his wallet. Before he can pull out a twenty, Chloe shakes her head, "Flynn, you and I both know you need every penny, see this as a favor from a friend."

"Are you sure, I really don't want to put a burden on you all."

Chloe gives Flynn a look worth an entire essay; we both know you'll need it to escape.

Flynn pierces his lips and nods. He turns back to Kai and says gently, "You can draw back here; let Chloe know if you need anything.

Kai nods sleepily.

Flynn turns to Chloe, "Just remember to give him lunch around noonish and check on on him every so often, if you show him where stuff is hell usually take care of himself."

"Aye aye captian."

Flynn chuckles and waves to Kai. Kai blinks back at him and continues drinking his milkshake.

Flynn hops in his car and drives off to work. But, he still could not stop thinking about Kai.

[kweebtrash]

StreamHearts Timestamp 11:59pm

Title: Fuck It, I Love You

Pairing: Camboy!JohnnyxCamgirlOC (Rem)

Word Count: 3.1k

Genre: Smut/Fluff

Features: established relationship not a perfect sex life, heavy size kink, soft-ish dom johnny, petnames, teasing, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie.

Synopsis:

Though Rem is a smart business woman she hides behind a computer screen all day designing websites for large companies. However, when her day is done she’s still behind a computer screen but now showing the world how hard she can cum. She never wanted to be a camgirl but when financial duties called she took it upon herself to make it. The spotlight (and money) got to her and she expanded to showcasing her nerdy side; livestreams, lewd cosplay photoshoots, let’s plays, subscriptions, review, vlogs, tutorials, you name it. Her streams catches the attention of a fellow cammer, Johnny, who on a whim decided to message her. Both aren’t the sexed up dolls they pretend to be in the online life and instead ease their way into a relationship with not so perfect sex, mistakes, and total confusion.

A/N: This used to be on my Kofi which im closing down and just putting everything up on here. This isnt continuing.

Masterlist     Johnny Only Masterlist

~~

“I just want to tease the fuck out of you.” The words came out as as sultry whisper poured into my ear. His tongue trailed against the cartilage, leaving the skin heated and wet similar to the junction of my thighs. Johnny had been kissing me for god knows how long. I had become so lost in him; his words, his touch, his entire being beside me. I was helpless and unable to escape the intoxication though I never wanted to. His words, however, put me in a place of submissiveness where i feared his teasing.

“P-please don’t…” I whined as I chased his lips from a kiss he denied me. “Don’t tease me. I’ve been good.”

“Have you?” His eyes were heavily lidded, pupils dilated with oxytocin and endorphins. The thrill of my eminent destruction only added to the sparks between us yet I was dreading it entirely. “I saw what you were doing in your last stream. You got a bigger dildo, didn’t you?”

My face rushed with color as i averted my gaze. “W-well...i wanted to practice.”

“Practice for who, baby?” He smirked and pushed a few sweat drenched stray hairs away from my face.

“Y-you, of course.” We hadn’t fucked on camera yet. We had come to the consensus not to until we perfected the art of intimacy between us first. Though there was a small problem, or rather a large problem. The first few times Johnny had tried to penetrate me it was futile. The thickness of his head was no match for how small my hole was. No matter how many fingers he could attempt to fit inside me (barely two) to try and stretch me out or how much lube or cum i exerted helped. And so I took it upon myself to cast aside my six and seven inch dildos to try and accommodate for the moment where we would unite.

“Still too much, huh?” He chuckled lowly. I watched as his fingertips barely brushed against my skin as he made a ticklish trail down my stomach to the thin fabric of my panties. They slipped beneath the cotton and i instinctively spread my thighs. His middle finger pushed between my lower lips and circled my entrance languidly. “Why is my perfect princess so tiny?”

“I’m sorry,” I said with a heavy pang of guilt. I had constantly felt like I had ruined moments in our beds because my body wouldnt except him even if my mind and heart were yearning to have him so deep inside me that i could feel him in my stomach.

Johnny pressed a kiss to my forehead and smiled. “Don’t be. I love how fucking tight you are for me.”

I scrunched up my nose and pushed his face away playfully. “Don’t say such things. You make it sound pervy!”

Another chuckle. “I can’t help it sometimes.” He began to move his finger through me, gathering the wetness that had accumulated and spreading it over the most sensitive areas. “You know it turns me on to see how small you are.”

I pressed my lips together in an attempt to hide a mewl. I was lost on what I had wanted to respond with as my brain frizzled. “U-uh, um...I th-think your size kink is s-showing!” My stomach clenched when he dipped his fingertip in, alarming me. He shushed me gently, cooing at me to relax as he placed kisses and nibbles along the column of my neck.

“I got you, baby girl. You know i do.” I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him closer together so i could bury my face in his chest. His free arm snaked around me as well, settling on my shoulders as he gauged my reactions to his minuscule thrusts. I bit down on his collarbone as I rushed to rock my hips and let him know that I was able to take more. He pushed into me deeper, curling his finger quickly in an effort to make the sound of my natural lubrication bounce off the bright pink walls of my room. “Did you get all worked up just from me kissing you?”

He was proud of himself. I could always tell in the tonality of his voice. A certain cockiness that anything he did made me wet. It stemmed from the exchange of us watching each other’s streams. I had spent hours consuming video after video of him jerking off, fucking his own ass, and doing other lewd acts that got him tips in seconds. He, on the other hand, told me that he was more captivated by the faces and sounds I made and would prefer to just watch as he fucked me. It sounded silly to say since I had thousands of viewers and I masturbated on camera but I was still a shy person who preferred to metaphorically hide their head in the sand like an ostrich. Johnny intimidated me as many a times my face would be forced towards his and i was commanded to not dare look away. His deep brown eyes would peer into my soul, eating it up like a meal and leaving me an empty husk of a woman once I orgasmed at his hands. “Shut up.” I said through gritted teeth as he halted his vibrant thrusts.

His finger left me and instead disappeared into his mouth. With a slick pop he removed all of my taste from the digit and sighed as he gave me a once over. “Take these off.” He snapped at the band of my panties that he had stripped me down to during our initial makeout session. I hooked my thumbs into the waistband and wiggled them down before flicking them off my foot. Johnny spread my thighs wide, leaving me completely exposed. I went back to hiding in the crook of his neck, hoping he wouldnt notice if i distracted him with some bites. A harsh tap to my clit told me otherwise. I yelped and laid my own defensive slap against his chest. "Jerk!"

"Dont close your legs then." Johnny said sternly. I pouted, puffing out my cheeks as i rolled away from him, my arms across my chest. His large hand grabbed onto my hip and pulled me onto my back again. He didnt particularly like when i protested or became a bit bratty. A submissive princess was where he liked me to be at all times. Though now I wasnt even able to utter a word because he hooked his leg over mine, keeping my thighs separated while one hand grabbed both my wrists and pinned them above my head. His other hand was back to grabbing my face and forcing me to look at him. He'd be damned to hell if he didnt break that habit of mine. "The fuck did i just say?"

I flexed my fingers as i tried (and failed) to release myself from his grasp. "You said…" i looked into his eyes that had honeyed in the yellow glow of my bedside lamp. That was another weakness if mine, as if Johnny as a whole wasnt enough. His eyes in particular always destroyed me. I couldnt expressing the rest of my sentence, which was supposed to be a snarky retort, because of the intense hold he had over me. I was instead stuck nibbling at his bottom lip and whimpering for him to let me go. "I could touch you." I finally said in between small licks. "Youre hard."

"And? I get off on seeing you get off. I also get off on when youre a good girl for me."

"Liar. You love it when i misbehave. You always start moving the toys faster when i do." That was what he used when he really wanted to punish me; small dildos and vibrators in various settings and speeds, making sure i writhed and arched with every thrust.

"And what toy should i used on my babygirl tonight? What would get you all pink and squirmy for me?" He smirked and sucked my lips between his, lapping at the soft skin.

"I dont want a toy. I want you." I admitted.

Johnny sighed and pulled away from me entirely. "You know we cant. We've tried and we cant. I told you im not going to hurt you."

"I know!" I clutched onto his arm. "I know. But this time will be different. Im gonna do it."

He shook his head. "If i force it too much i could tear you. Rem, i'm seriously not going to try right now."

"Please!" I begged and looked up at him with puppy eyes. "Just one try, ok? Just one? You dont know how many times I've dreamt about you fucking me senseless. I just want you inside me so badly. I cant take it anymore."

He rolled his eyes, annoyed at my persistence. "Fine. Just one try. And i mean one."

I gave him a sweet kiss and pulled him on top of me. He settled between my legs which i laid on the outside of his thighs. He stroked the smooth and sensitive skin on my inner thighs as he trailed his thumbs upwards to spread my lower lips apart. His tongue darted out to moisten his lips as he drunk in the sight at my slightly flexed gape. "Are you sure?" He asked.

I pushed my hand between us and gripped the outline of his cock firmly. "Johnny I don't want you, I need you."

He went to say something again but snapped his jaw shut. Quickly, he discarded his boxer briefs and guided his swollen cock towards my entrance. Seeing him throb was another part of my guilt. He would leak and swell as we romped around and yet could only get off by a blowjob or a handjob. Sometimes he would thrust between my thighs or against my ass but I knew it was just barely enough for him. His cum didn't belong splattered across my skin; it belonged inside me, filling me to the brim and keeping me warm. I closed my eyes and let every bit of tension leave my body. If I could just get the head in, it would be smooth sailing from there.

A small push threatened the barricade of my tightness. The tension returned but only for a moment. I kept it shoved aside and focused on taking in the tip. I could feel centimeter by centimeter, gauging how far he could go, and when I found the glans stuffed inside me both of us shuddered hard. I covered my mouth as soon as I let out a sharp gasp. The feeling of being stretched burned and tingled and yet I took in the discomfort with a sense of gratitude. This was the farthest we had gotten and even if this was all he could get inside it was better than nothing.

Johnny's hands were trembling as he bruised my hips in the pattern of his fingers. "J-jesus...babe." He sucked in a harsh breath and swallowed hard. Beads of sweat had gathered at his brow and it was almost like he was losing control already. "God you feel so damn good. How are you even taking me?"

I held one of his hands and brought it to my lips, kissing the back of it. "You said it yourself. You saw me practicing on camera but you didn't see what I did when I was alone." I parted my lips then and ushered in two of his fingers, sucking slowly. I circled my tongue around the tips and swallowed all the way down to the knuckle all while perfecting by bedroom eyed gaze at him. His hips snapped as his body trembled, making me wince around his fingers. He had managed to squeeze in more of his cock and even produced some minuscule thrusts that had him looking like he was already prepped to go over the edge.

He gripped harder at my hip to the point where it hurt but I knew it was a sign of pleasure and that's all I wanted to give him. I mewled around his fingers and nudged my legs a little higher to rest by his waist. The adjustment built up pressure in the pit of my stomach and made my overstretched walls clench harder. Johnny groaned deeply and begged me to ease my hold on him but I couldn't. Even when I got used to the new addition of girth I was still suctioned around him. My face flushed as I heard his groans turn into growls. The muscles in his strong arms bulged as his shoulders caved in and an unexpected heat tsunamied into me.

My eyes widened at the revelation that he had cum inside me-the first time I had ever felt the sensation. It was strange and yet because it was Johnny it also felt...cozy in a way. A warm perfection that symbolized him succumbing to everything I had wanted to give him. Though one thing was for sure, I was surprised at how quickly it happened. I let his hand go and instead held onto my tummy that I swore was bulging slightly. Johnny ran a hand over his face and pushed his hair back but as soon as our eyes caught each other his face burned beet red even to the tips of his ears. "Do you...um, do you always cum that fast when you're in someone?" I tried to ask as politely as possible.

He pulled out of me and ran straight to the bathroom, slamming the door harshly. I frowned, realizing that the small comment had hurt his pride but I had to be honest that I wanted more from him. I sat up slowly and felt a rush of cum flow out of me, thicker than I expected. Him pulling out so swiftly left me sore and on wobbly knees yet I walked over to the bathroom, trying to keep my thighs pressed together so I wouldn't make an even bigger mess. "Johnny?" I asked as I knocked on the door.

"Go away." I heard him mumble.

"Johnny, why'd you run? Was it because of what I said? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Go. Away."

I huffed and grabbed a hold of the door. I was prepared to force my way through but it wasn't locked at all. I stumbled as I stepped in and saw Johnny sitting on the toilet cover, head between his knees and arms dangling by his feet. "Johnny." I sunk to my knees in front of him. "Look at me, please."

"No." He replied, muffled.

"Johnny." I repeated, sternly this time. "What's wrong?"

"'M embarrassed." He mumbled.

"Embarrassed? How come?"

"I've never cum that fast before. Ever. I feel like a loser."

I pushed his head up gently and sighed. "Guaranteed I did want it to last longer but this was the first time you were able to thrust inside me. Maybe it was because of all that pent up energy from when you couldn't do it before. Orrrrr," I nudged his arm playfully. "I'm just that damn good."

"I don't need your cockiness now." He pouted cutely.

"It's ok, baby, really. We're still finding each other out. This is the first time anyone has cared about not hurting me. I'd take that over some idiot that would barge in any day. Please don't be embarrassed."

"Easy for you to say."

"You think I want to be this tight? Sure it sounds like a whole fantasy but being tiny sucks. I want to get railed until I can't walk but I cry as soon as something big comes near me."

"You didn't cry this time." He pointed out and I perked up instantly.

"Hey, you're right. I didn't. That's progress!" I smiled and gave him a small kiss in an effort to cheer him up a little. "And you know what this means, right?"

Johnny sat back against the toilet tank and let out an exasperated sigh. "What?"

"We can keep practicing." I rose to my feet and straddled his lap. "I know you like practicing."

Finally a twinge appeared at the corner of his mouth. He couldn't resist the thought of more touching, groping, kissing, and grinding. "Well...I guess you're right."

I peered down at his still mostly hard cock as curiously got the best of me. "You came but you're still hard?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes it takes awhile to go down. Sometimes I can squeeze another one out."

I lifted my hips and slowly sunk down on him, catching him by surprise. He jerked suddenly and held onto me tightly. "Re-Rem!"

"Maybe we can work on me taking all of you this time. And making sure you last longer."

"I-its your fault for fuckin' suffocating me!" He said through grit teeth. "Just like you're doing now!"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and grabbed a handful of his hair. "Don't tell me you cant take it, baby."

He licked his lips and fluttered his eyes shut. "You have no idea what you do to me Rem."

"You're wrong." I wiggled down more on his shaft, now about a quarter of the way down before the tingling started again. "I know exactly how you feel because you drive me crazy too. Especially now."

He buried his face in my neck, splattering kisses here and there. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I giggled and squeezed him tight. "I love you, Johnny."

A silence fell over the room as that was also a first between us. I was afraid he wouldn't reciprocate the sentiment and felt my heart race. Now I was the embarrassed one yet I felt him smile against my collar bone. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "I-is that okay? To say that? I d-dont want to scare you off."

"I'm not going anywhere. Trust me. I love you too." I pursed my lips together to hide a squeal though I was too giddy to even think straight. I almost didn't notice Johnny standing up, myself now in his arms and our bodies remaining connected. "Can I show you how much I love you?"

"Please."

[thechanbaeklibrary]

Fic Search #26

1) anonymous asked: Hi babies, could you please help me find a fic? I really can't remember the plot but bbh was friends with dks and they were like each other's families and there was a scene in which baek called kyungsoo over the phone and after he hung up, jongdae appeared behind kyungsoo letting us know that they had sex. I think kyungsoo was adamant on having a relationship so at first they didn't tell bbh about them. I can't remember anything else ;-; pls help

2) anonymous asked: Hi lovely admins! I’ve been looking for this fic it seems to be a wolf au where chanyeol is some sort of a king and baek is some sort of a queen? I cant remember much but there was a scene where baekhyun is pregnant and the pups (even when its still unborn) were so powerful that their enemies were under a trance? And they were on the knees just hearing baeks command? Thank you very much for reading this!

Inevitable by skynet

3) zesamani2 asked: Hii, do you know this fic where baekhyun was a model and he had a scandal (i forgot what it was) so his friends told him to make a bigger scandal so the fans will forget. So he kissed chanyeol in front of the camera and later on chan got mad cause baek was using him I lost it unfortunately

4) moonofzuly asked: Hey! Can you help me find this one fic that i read a long time ago but can't remember the title. I can't remember much but in the end chanyeol (or was it baek??idk :( wears red beanie and asks baek to wear one too if he likes him or smth and they both wear it another day at uni. That's all i can remember i hope you'll help me find out. Have great day!!!

5) anonymous asked: Looking for a one shot I read recently! It was about roommates Baek and Chan where Baek had a crush on Chan but he thought he was straight. Chan brings home three girls (from rv I think) and Baek joins in for an orgy. Baek gets pegged by one of the girls. I've looked everywhere but I can't find it on AGF or AO3. Could possibly be a tweet fic as I also read a lot on Twitter. I would be so happy if you could find it!

Tweetfic by @/stay_up614

6) anonymous asked: hi! I’m trying to look for a fic I read once! EXO was kind of a small criminal/drug group, and it was based on their Kokobop personas. Baekhyun was the ringleader and I think the idea was that they were on vacation to escape from the police. Chanyeol was his subordinate and in love with Baekhyun, but he knew it was only sex. One line I remember super clearly is Baekhyun saying “Just a little longer. I want to feel what it’d be like to be in love with you.” It was really feels-heavy ;-; thanks!

7) anonymous asked: Hi guys!! Do u know this fic where Chanyeol is a prince who fell in love with his servant and so he had sex with her but his parents want him to marry prince Baekhyun so he does but after that, the servant came back with a baby and Yeol thinks he’s the father so he asks Baekhyun to leave... thanks guys for helping

The Bonding by yousexypanda

8) anonymous asked: Hi, could you please help me finding this fic? The fic was still on-going but it starts with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo married or dating. But, for some reason Chanyeol felt like something was missing about their relationship. Then, Chanyeol remembered that someone suggested him to download this app or go to this website (I think). There he created a virtual boyfriend which was Baekhyun. In order, for Baekhyun to be human, Chanyeol must pursue Baekhyun until it reaches 100% love. Please please help.

9) prinuibe asked: Hello,,, finally i catch the ask box open after centuries of waiting,, anyways could you please help me find this story of chanbaek centered (have other pairings too), but the only thing i remember was kai is yeol's friend and soo is baek's, kaisoo is actually married (arranged)but soo hates kai, it's college or hs au, and they all come from rich family, helppppppp Oh, i love this blog, i love you admins for doing this wonderful recommendation blog, hugs and kisses, lots of it

10) angie-pkm asked: Hi! first of all thank you so much for all the work you guys put in 💕 I'm looking for an old fic, 2014 or earlier, I'm pretty sure it was on live journal but it might be aff. It was really angsty and was a disbandment fic all I can remember for sure is that the author stopped writing it because she spooked herself when she wrote about kris leaving before he actually did. Thank you!

11) anonymous asked: helloooo!! thank you so much for your hardwork admin-nims T_____T anywayssss, do you a fic where chanyeol is a mafia and baekhyun was brought by force (baekhyun was given to chanyeol by the boss mafia) and sehun kept on flirting with baekhyun. kyungsoo is the only tolerable "friend" that he has

Tweetfic by @/johannababe15

12) anonymous asked: do you know the fic where cy was betted to date bh and bh was a nerd. i think bh waked into a cafe and saw cy telling people how ‘easy’ bh was. thanks for your help!

13) anonymous asked: There was a fic posted i think in late 2018 on ao3, it was oneshote about basketball player cy who live with his bf bhh and he have to travel for a gameplay but bh wasn't happy about it because he wouldn't get daily sex does and he refused to watch porn so he comes up with idea of filming one and so he asks cy to film himself while bh suck him off and when they fuck. However when bh wakes up he found out that cy was filming him the whole time also i remember cy throw bh's porn magazine or smthn

thanks to @shimoshim0 , @verinchen , @justwanttobefreelikethewind, @firegodjrr  for your help!

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[nerd-in-yellow]

Please

Hey everyone I know I don't have a lot of followers. That doesn't mean we can't make a difference, if Net Neutrality gets taken away were screwed. My life completely sucked before I was able to be on Tumblr. This website saved my life and thousands of others. So please I'm begging you with every ounce of soul I have to do something. Call in and sign everything you can to stop it. For so long all us internet kids have been afraid. Somebody is trying to take away our escape from the hell that is reality. Please do something because if we cant do anything, our home on the internet is going to be destroyed

[elliot-orion]

Writeblr Re-Intro

I’ve seen quite a few people do this in the past couple weeks so i figure i probably should too considering how stinking long its been. so. hi there! I’m Elliot, and I use they/them pronouns! I’m a college kid majoring in creative writing and anthropology and regret doing both. I have a 9 year old emotional support cat, Van Gogh, who enjoys snoring, getting fur in my mouth, and chewing on my headphones. In addition to writing, I crochet amigurumis, play flight rising, bake like mad, obsess over dragons and stuffed animals, and spend way too much time thinking about superheroes. 

I mostly write LGBT+ Young Adult/New Adult fiction, and recently published my first novel, “Sparks Fly.” You can see a tumblr summary of it here. “Sparks Fly” and the majority of my stories take place in the expansive Dark Heart Universe full of not so heroic Super Heroes and Super Villains with questionable but not necessarily bad morals. But I like to dabble all over and have WIPs including a horror duology, a scifi roadtrip story, and about 800 other WIPs that are going nowhere because I’m a pantser and that’s how i roll. Expect to see me name drop some characters or a story, tag it in one ask game, and then never mention it again rather frequently. I apologize in advance. The main stories you will actually see me mentioning a bunch are below the cut. 

I technically have a website, and I technically have a twitter, but the former is a mess because I can’t program or remember to regularly blog and the latter i never use because social media scares me. Think there’s like 10 tweets on it and all of them are niche shitposts about my stories so... yea. I do have a Pinterest though, where you can find boards for most of my stories as well as a few of the name dropped once stories. so that’s fun. This intro is a mess.... Anyways, below the cut are some quick summaries of my main WIPs. If you want to learn more about the world that half of these are a part of (the DHU), look through this tag because my only summary series of it is way out of date. 

Woodsmoke

A DHU novel. Woodsmoke is a Hero who 100% should not be going to the worst Villain in town, Stardust, for help, but fuck it he doesnt have any other option. In return for helping Woodsmoke save a whole bunch of school kids, Stardust demands Woodsmoke owes him a favor - he has to help Stardust and his gang get rid of the Director of the city’s Supers Association branch. The only probably is, the Director control everything, and Woodsmoke is utterly terrified of him. But, he owes a favor, and he’s even more afraid of what Stardust could do to civilians than he is of what the Director could do to him. When it all goes wrong, maybe its time for him to give up being a Hero and stop being Woodsmoke. Maybe it’s time to just be Vincent again, and finally heal from the damage the SA has done. This is on its fourth draft and still needs about 2 or so more (guessing here), but will hopefully be the next DHU book released (dont quote me on that im winging this)

Nightmare at the Lily Pad Inn 

A DHU novel. Ben, who’s technically a Villain but really just can’t control their powers for shit and their powers are like, really scary so its bad, is on the run from their sociopathic asshole brother. They wind up at the Lily Pad Inn, a safe haven for Villains no matter what they’ve done, run by the cinnamon roll sweetheart Matty and their husband, Blue. While there, Ben meets Oliver, another not-technically-bad Super who can’t control his powers, and meets up with Morty, their best friend. Shit happens i guess idk i’ve not written a real summary for this one yet leave me alone. It’s on the first draft and its not even finished and i have no idea what the ending is because im a pantser go away.

Novella Collection

A DHU collection i guess. I’m not quite sure what else to call this because it’s made of three or so different novellas that I intend to fit together into a collection of novellas. The three novellas includes: the Empath, about Charlie who may just be the worlds most powerful empath and his partners who are very not happy with their area’s Director wanting Charlie to do something that could 100% kill him; Hell in High Heels, a historical DHU story about the Terra (Kitty), the Earth Elemental of the time, and Fer-De-Lance (Hattie), the Poison Elemental, and how they get married sorta unwillingly (thanks SA), break a shit ton of stereotypes, and help win World War 2.; and finally Wildfire, about the current day Fire Elemental and the Villain he really shouldn’t be so attracted to but 100% is and them chilling and being gay and idk this one needs a lot of work. All of these novellas have only had 1 draft and are still needing a lot of work. 

And now for some not dhu stories... 

The Other Beings / The Doll Maker

This is that horror duology I mentioned earlier. The Other Beings follow Nathan. He got sucked into the terrifying world of the Other Beings (well, 5 worlds actually),  when he was 7 years old because of a brother he’s never quite forgiven for making him and his pseudo-sister Hazel hunt minor Beings for his whole childhood and fucking Nate up massively. He managed to leave the horror of the Other Beings for all of seven years before he was sucked back in by the Doll Maker, an Other Being with a penchant for turning pretty children and people into ball-jointed dolls. Turns out a horde of Other Beings is coming after him because of his dad which is a Bad and now he’s having to run as a human macguffin and trust me - he’s not happy about it. Only the Other Beings draft 1 has been written because it’s a dark story and with covid i have not have the mental energy to work on it more, but it’s super fun and i adore it. The Doll Maker, the second book, is solely about Doll Maker and his shit. 

Paper Stars 

Paper Stars is the scifi I mentioned, and just might be one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, even though its only had one draft because it’s hella depressing (literally, the mc River is seriously suicidal) and with all the shit in my life rn i haven’t had the strength to work on it more. but i adore the story. Basically, River’s life has gone to hell since his Grandpa died and the only thing making him hold on is really his alien best friend, Keio. When his depression gets even worse, he finally asks Keio to take him away from Earth and to space to escape his problems. This works, kinda, i mean he falls in love and shit (yes River falls in love with a seal furry alien, please go through the tag its great), but eventually he knows he has to face his problems and get help because this is a realistic story about depression and love doesnt cure all and you cant run from mental illness. It’s great. 

That’s kinda all the main stories i mention a lot, all the others are little things i start and stop or that i write a self indulgent first draft but never intend to take it any further. all of these i fully intend to publish one day tho. So... yea. Welcome to my blog, its chaos but we have a good time. 

[merlesbians]

merdred D/s filth and crack

disclaimer: i’m not a writer but the one that collaborated with me is.

this one is about this fanfic series

Most of Mordred's searches on porn websites are orgasm denial. Merlin thinks it's cute. -

"Milk or sugar?" "Both." "That a thing now?" "I LIKE MY MAN LIKE MY TEA. FULL OF MILK" "MORDRED NO... I like mine sweet and not too strong." "Yea." - Merlin texts Arthur when Mordred leaves. 'You think I look kinky?' 'Only when you're stressed and biting your lips' 'I do this all the time' 'Really?' 'Oh.' -

Mordred was obviously a first timer because he had no idea how to say no to people he wasn't interested (after all being a sub doesn't mean being held by the first dom that claims him). Merlin saw him all unconfortable with some guy, then approached them "excuse me but this boy is mine, aren't you?" to which Mordred thought THANK YOU MY LORD AND SAVIOR but just answered "Yes Sir. Sorry Sir". Arthur was at the club too, but he was probably too far gone with a femdom and public whipping. Merlin asked if that was ok because he noticed Mordred wasn't comfortable with the guy and Mordred just said that all he needed that moment was to be taken care of.

Mordred noticed Merlin's lips and cheekbones because "THIS LIGHTNING FLATTERS YOUR ANGLES, SIR" "My room is pretty clear and I want to see you whole and properly, boy"

"You a top or a bottom?" "I'm what you want me to be" "Fuck, boy. Can I make you come twice tonight?" "You don't need permission. Sir. And if I try hard we can make it three." "I like you"

Merlin makes Mordred finger and blow him to avoid him touching himself. Then he blows Mordred until the adge, then rides him (and he comes again and just says 'now you broke me' and sleep again). And Merlin makes him tea and biscuits.

Mordred tells his age QAF-like.

After the first night/dat/afternoon WHATEVER  Mordred is getting ready to leave but the mess in the room is absurd and he can't find his underwear. Merlin finds it while cleaning the room and it smells like strawberry (lube, maybe? Did he go ready to bottom to the club?) and Merlin dies a little. -

Merlin always gets paranoid about consent when they drink, but one time they end up having the most vanilla sex to ever vanilla. (Except the biting, Merlin can't help himself) (And hair pulling because PLEASE) Later he discovered that Mordred held his own breath because he can't vanilla (he actually can and it's quite lovely how long it takes for him to come).

- Merlin wants to buy something for Mordred. Morgana tells him to buy leather. He does. A jacket. And a choker. - When Merlin's friend Will meets Mordred, he says "I wonder how this one behaves in bed" because the boy is always ready to explode. Merlin laughs. "He's quite obedient, actually." - Mordred has a lovehate relationship with morning sex because he fucking loves the way Merlin takes care of his mmorning erections, but he has trouble focusing on classes in the morning. - Whenever someone makes a joke to Mordred about him and Merlin, he agrees and grins. "I even call him daddy." - Merlin got in bed too late and too tired because of work things, and Mordred was fast asleep already. When Mordred woke uo, got the sight of Merlin and couldn't wake him up, so he decided to wank in bed watching him. He was halfway through it when Merlin sleepy spooned hims and Mordred and he was all like of fuck and came between their bellies. - "Mordred, the sheets. I can't do laundry every day." "I'm s-" "I'd love to clean you up if you make a mess of yourself." "Mer-" "I can clean myself up too." - Mordred every now and then suggests shower sex. Merlin avoids it because, in some way, it seem s a too intimate thing he'sw not ready to. When they become closer and start thinking about moving together aqnd sheit, Merlin doesn't quite asks it to Mordred, just throws a waterproof lube. (It's also the first time they go bareback) - "I got a cockring to deal with your 17yearoldness." (Mordred didn't dare to make the joke about having a dildo to deal with Merlin's 30yroldness. He would suffer enough already.) - "Where were you?" "Dining with Uth--" "ASDFGHJKL TELL ME MORE" "-er and Arthur." "And were you boys all serious talking about business using your reading glasses?" "Will you ever stop" "Nope" That night: "I'm leaving my tie. And the glasses. You leave the hair pins, boy." Merlin managed to put the pins on Mordred's nipples. He was a begging mess that night. (More than the usual). - Once, Merlin invited Mordred for a Star Wars marathon - but his real intention was to get the D. Mordred was way too excited by the movies to even think about sex. By the end of Return of the Jedi, Merlin was already boiling in arousal and when Mordred said "this is just too exciting!" while Leia's escape, Merlin just screamed FUCK THIS SHIT THEN and procedeed to blow Mordred while getting himself off. Mordred's eyes never left the screen - but his grip on Merlin's hair was saying he was enjoying it thank you very fucking much.

Mordred returned the favor while showing Pacific Rim to Merlin. - Mordred likes the idea of having sex in front of Arthur because Arthur is the only other that has Merlin's heart and still, Arthur would never have Merlin the way he does. - One time Merlin finds Mordred crying at home. Turns out he had had a fucked up dream. Merlin kisses his whole body until he falls asleep again. - Merlin wants a dog. Mordred wants a cat. They get two fishes, called Puppy and Kitten. (Puppy stays at Mordred's and Kitten at Merlin's - until they move together - because they remind them of each other.) - Mordred starts calling Merlin "Emrys" when he wants to show respect. - When Mordred moves in and Merlin has work trips, Mordred sleeps wearing Merlin's clothes. Before he moves in, Merlin notice the clothes he thought he'd lost getting back to his wardrobe. Mordred swears he has 0% guilt on it. "I think the cleaning lady is stealing my clothes" "Hm" "But she's been working for the Pendragons for years, I don't know..." "They must be dirty" AT UNI: "WOA MORDY U LOOK GREAT IN FANCY SHIRTS" Mordred once got off in a Merlin shirt and brought it back without cleaning. - Arthur called Merlin late one night, and while babbling, Merlin was sure Arthur was getting of with his voice - but he never asked if it was truth fearing the answer would be no.

Mordred actually calls Merlin quite often to phonesex. Mostly while he's at Uni, and the classes are too boring. Those little escapades are the highlights of the week - until they're actually together. (Mordred also records himself getting off if he can't talk with Merlin, then sends the audio file to him) - At first, Mordred couldn't swallow so he would take off his mouth. Two times Merlin came on his hair, but he always washed it later. - Very often Merlin would arrive home stressed and tired, but if he could see that Mordred wanted something, he'd get the boy off. - Merlin showed Mordred how to deepthroat with practical demonstration. "Come on, give me your wrists. Yeah, good boy. Gonna show you something now." - Merlin likes to ride his boy because it's the best way to have him undone. One time Mordred drifts off so bad, Merlin thinks it had something to do with the breathplay. - Merlin wants to submit quite often, just to change up things a bit - but he can't refuse Mordred anything (and every single time what Mordred wants is to be taken to the edge) - Phonecall: “yes mordred please come but you‘ll have to put up with drunk Arthur again. Yes. Its football, what can I do?“

“MORDRED IS COMING?“

“Yes.“

“NICE. Mordred is fun.“

“He sure is.“

“That why you‘re not d drinking?“

“Kinda.“

“BUT WE ALL SHOULD DRINK YOU CANT LET ME DRINK ALONE“

“You promise not to creep on us?“

“Mãrlin, please.“

“so you can really take all of merlin‘s cock?“ “I have dreams about merlin and your father.“

“Oh, me too. Someday they might kill each other.“

“... kinky dreams“

“why are you telling me this, christ mordred“

“Dunno, they‘re both hot, thought you‘d agree“

“MY FATHER, MORDRED“

“sorry. Merlin would fuck the bitterness out of him, tho.“

“he would, wouldnt he?“ *frustrated noises because merlin* (Kidding, merlin/uther is not happening)

Merlin, while fingerfucking a tied up mordred and about to suck him off: “Go on with your poetry, then. You manage to finish it, I fuck you. Bare. If you stop, I stop. If you say anything more than the poem, you‘ll be tied all night and I‘ll just have a wank by myself."

That night, before they collapse in a very deep sleep, Merlin kisses him and tells him how good he is. With a lower tone, he says “love your voice“ by Mordreds ear, then kisses his neck, “love you“. He didnt know if Mordred could hear it, but then the boy started holding him harder and he couldn‘t tell if Mordred was going to collapse or just smile. ----

Mordred keeps asking what they‘re doing when he graduates. Merlin cant think of something special that they haven‘t done yet “MY SEXTAPE“

“mordred stop“

“PRETTY PLEASE“

“what if you lose it, what if your computer is stolen, what if, I dont know, my mother finds it“

“I‘ll cook you dinner for a week. A month. Wearing panties.“

“Deal.“

Said month:

(Merlin and arthur entering) “You said Mordred would make dinner? gonna say hi-“ “DONT“

Too late. Arthur caught Mordred making orange juice, sweating and wearing light blue panties. hih ----

Merlin starts a system to make Mordred study.

- "You finish this paper before 9, I let you bite me." - "If you don't miss any classes by the end of the month, I will wear heels." - “You make valedictorian, I wake you up with you already inside me.“

- “You pass, we fuck in lingerie for one week.“

Nobody understands how frustrated Mordred gets if he doesnt do well at uni.

“Mordred y u sulking u probably gonna work with Pendragon as soon as possible your grades are great“

“BUT NOT HOW GREAT I NEED THEM“

------

Merlin had to travel because of job stuff, and he doesn't see Mordred in two weeks. In the meantime, Mordred left his beard grow just because he didn't care about shaving, and by the end of the time away he goes meet with Merlin at the airport. 'Holy shit, Mordred.' 'Hey! Missed me?' 'If I knew you'd look so hot with facial hair I'd order you so much earlier to keep it' 'So you like the too-lazy-to-shave look on me?' 'Enough to be thinking about letting you welcome me with a bathroom blowjob right here' 'I thought you weren't into public display' 'We can lock the door. Come on.'

[princess-of-embarrassment]

Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!). 

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it???  so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet. 

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other. 

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.

[alteanroyals]

YASSSSSS i wanted to add more pining but didnt wanna make it too long hehe BUT YEAH SO MUCH FLUFFY aND ANGSTY PINING IN MY AU YOU CANT ESCAPE IT

the reunion.... is BEAUTIFUL

Also like adrien knows how ladybug looks like because he has searched for french news and websites and of COURSE ends up being the number one fan of alya's miracublog bUT marinette has no way of knowing how chat looks like until he starts sending her pictures in his suit like "look i have pockets, suck it" JSKDNKSNSKS and she wants to kill him bc of her lack of pockets but also keeps every single picture he sends her and looks at them throughout the dAY YESSS PININGGGGG

What's your weirdest miraculous headcanon or 'what if'?

wow, that's a great question.... i was not expecting that question 👁👄👁

I gotta say i don't have one so i am gonna make one up right now kskdsndksbdn idk what i can think of that is weird. Really nothing can be weirder than the nino is actually luka cult idk whats going on over there.

OKAY THIS IS NOT SUPER WEIRD BUT MY THOUGHTS ARE LIMITED AND THIS SOUNDS COOL so...

WHAT IFFFFF master fu gave the miraculouses to adrien and marinette but turns out that the next day adrien is being sent to a boarding school outside of France (gabriel is slightly less of an ass here so he sent adrien away so he wouldnt get hurt with all the akumas he was gonna cause lol) and adrien doesn't find the miraculous box until AFTER he has left France. So now we have a pair of superheroes who have never met (and of course mari and adrien haven't either bc he never went to school with her).

So now master fu is like... SHIT

On one side marinette becomes ladybug, but both tikki and her are super confused because.... there is no black cat miraculous wielder in sight. She has no time to dwell on that because well hawkmoth makes his great debut and now she has to fight all the akumas.... alone

On the other side, adrien is confused AF. As we know, Plagg is not very direct so like he takes his tiiiiime explaining what's going on. Now THEY are confused because not only is there no ladybug miraculous wielder.... but there are also no supervillains to fight where he is. So.... adrien has these cool powers but not much to do with them except run around on rooftops at night.

Master fu is still like SHIT

and for a while he doesn't intervene because honestly he has no idea what to do. But while fu was trying to figure this whole thing out.... adrien discovered the phone/texting function of his baton and BOYYYYY this gets fun

There is literally only 1 contact and it's Ladybug. He texts her one night and she is very much confusion until tikki explains he must be her partner.

So they start texting each other every night and get to know each other. Adrien feels TERRIBLE when he finds out she has been fighting bad guys by herself for weeks now but there is literally nothing he can do to help her. So yeah he is her moral support and ladybug appreciates it so much that she just cant wait to defeat an akuma so she can go home and see what stupid ass meme he sent her.

Anyway this goes on for a while and i guess at some point Fu has a solution and ladybug and chat finally meet but that's all i have until now lmao

THIS WAS UNNECESSARILY LONG AND NOT VERY WEIRD BUT THE IDEA CAME TO MIND AND I COULDNT DROP IT AND ITS INCOMPLETE BUT TAKE IT