#this was. a lot. took way longer than I thought it would

[yamumsyadadd]

the shadow of alexia

At 4 years old my entire life changed. One day my dad was at home and the next he wasn’t. Things changed after that. Everyone was sad, lots of people visited too. Sometimes I got new toys when they came over. 

Alba was a scary teenager but Alexia. Alexia was my best friend and I was hers. She would take me to kindergarten and pick me up, she never missed a soccer game or ballet recital, she was always there. So was her special friend Jenni. Jenni was great, when I was little she used to let me colour in her tattoos, Everytime she got a new one, she’s get me new pens to colour on her. 

As time went on, Alba and Alexia started moving out. Alexia moved in with Jenni and started getting busy with football, Alba still lived with Mami but was busy with her friends and modelling. Mami did the best she could. She was getting older and more tired, she didn’t miss a game or my last ballet recital, she didn’t miss the disappointment in my eyes when Alexia or Alba didn’t turn up. They were busy, I understand. 

It went from seeing them a couple times a week, to once a week, to once a month. I learnt pretty quickly the only way to get Alexia’s attention was to either play football or to fuck up. Lucky for me I was good at both. School was boring, it was too easy, I understood it all faster than anyone else. The first time I skipped school, I was 14. No one noticed and no one cared. From there on out it became a routine. At least once a week I’d skip school and hang out with the others. 

I personally never did anything too rowdy, just tagged along to enjoy the vibes. The first time I got caught skipping school was by Virginia. She promised me she wouldn’t tell Alexia or Mami and she kept that promise. The next time was by Alba, she lost her shit. Yelling at me about how irresponsible I was being and how much trouble I would get in. The second last time I got caught was by Jenni, I hadn’t seen her in a while, I was mad at her because of that so when she tried to give me a lecture I yelled at her.

“Y/n, you can’t be doing this shit. If Alexia found out she would lose it at you! What would happen if the police got you? What would you do then?”

“Why do you care Jenni? Huh? You left, you haven’t been around. You fucked off to Paris and didn’t even say goodbye. Tell Alexia, I don’t care, at least then she would talk to me.”

“Y/n, did Ale not talk to you about this?” Her voice was incredibly soft. That was something I missed about her, the way she spoke, the softness that was hidden from most people. 

“She doesn’t talk to me at all. She doesn’t give a fuck about me.”

“Bebeita, we broke up. Thats why I left. we ended things and to be able to heal I had to leave. I am so sorry, she promised she would talk to you about it. I wanted to say goodbye to you myself but Alexia said it would be a bad idea.”

From there things spiralled. I didn’t want to talk to Alexia, I didn’t want to see her. I stopped going to her games with Mami, I would sneak out when I knew she was coming over. No longer did I look up to her, I hated her. I wanted nothing to do with her. 

The day I quit football, I felt free. No longer having to play to get my oldest sisters attention, I didn’t care for that anymore. I had more time to hang out with my friends, to be a normal fucking teenager. 

It took a week, it was quicker then I thought to be honest, but once Alexia found out, all hell broke loose. 

“Where the hell is she!” Alexia stormed through the house. Surprising Eli. 

“Who Alexia?” 

“The Idiota. Your mija?” Alexia huffed. Eli was surprised by the way Alexia was acting. 

“In her room with her friend.”  Before Eli could say anything else, Alexia was off. Swinging open the door and disturbing the peace between you and your girlfriend.

“You, get out.” 

“No Alexia. You don’t get to tell her to get out.” I got defensive fast. There’s no way she gets to come here and tell her she needs to leave. 

“GET OUT NOW!” Alexia’s ‘captain’ voice was something that always got people moving. 

“You don’t get to come here and act like you run the place. News flash alexia, you don’t fucking live here!” 

“¡Dios mío! What is happening! Why did Isabella leave crying?” Mami looked pissed. More so at alexia than me. 

“Alexia kicked her out. For no reason other than the fact that no one else is allowed to be happy but her.” 

“Tell her what you did!” When I was younger, the look she was giving me would’ve scared me, but now it did nothing. 

“I didn’t do anything alexia. Whatever your minions are telling you isn’t true. But hey, you wouldn’t listen to me anyway.” I tried to push past her, but she grabbed my wrist stopping me from moving. 

“Mami she quit football. She fucking quit. After everything I’ve done for her she throws it back in my face!” Rolling her eyes and scoffing at me. 

“Let her go now. I am aware she quit Alexia. She was only doing it for you.” Mami was mad, very mad. Alexia had come and disturbed the peace, making Isabella cry and screaming the house down. 

“Grab me like that again I’ll drop you on your ass. I don’t give a fuck that you are la Reina.” The words came out like venom. 

Everything is always about Alexia. I joined football to get close to her, I didn’t mean to get as far as I did, I honestly didn’t think I’d get past the academy. Being called up into the Barca B squad was cool. I enjoy the fitness side of it but genuinely couldn’t care less about actually playing. 

The same day I quit, was the same day I got called up for the senior team. It sent me into a bit of a spiral. Mapi found me in the corner of the physios room with my sketchbook, crying. 

“Oh nena! What’s wrong? Do you want me to get Ale?” 

“No! Not ale! Don’t tell her please!”

“Okay no Ale but can you tell me what’s got you so worked up?” 

“I got asked to join the senior team and I don’t want to. I only started playing so Alexia would be nice to me and talk to me. I don’t even like this stupid game! I just want to draw but that’ll never be good enough for her.”  

After that, Mapi and I would get coffee in the mornings, I would show her my new drawings and tell her my ideas. She paid me to draw a photo of her and Ingrid. I knew she could draw herself but it was nice to have her in my corner.  Mapi was talking more about to me Alexia, saying how good my drawings were and how much happier I seemed not having to play, she seemed to miss the confusion written all over Alexia’s face. 

 •———————————————————————•

Mami had a trip coming up, I knew about this, but what I didn’t know what she was going to make me stay with alexia. Isabella and I came home after the movies to find Mami, Alexia, Alba and some other chick sitting at the table. I mumbled a quick hello before trying to drag Isabella upstairs. 

“Don’t be so rude. Actually say hello.” Alexia spoke angrily. 

Scoffing I turned around “bite me Alexia.” 

“¡Dios mío! Isabella Mi vida, it’s time for you to go home. You can wait upstairs for your Mami.” 

“Mami no. That’s not fair. She doesn’t get to come in here and start bossing everyone around!” 

“It’s okay amor, I should go home anyway. We have that biology exam anyway.” 

“Now that your little friend is gone, sit down.” 

“No.” 

“SIT DOWN.” 

“Ale, Cálmate.” The mysterious brunette says as she places her arm on alexia’s. 

Fuck all this shit honestly. Turning as fast as I could I ran upstairs, knowing Alexia would follow quickly. I was right. I was barely able to push my dresser against the door before she tried to open it. I was not going to sit at that table and play happy families. 

After an hour of listening to Alexia curse, she finally gave up. It was peaceful until Alba climbed through my bedroom window. 

“Still got it.” 

“Alba what the hell!” 

“Hermana, I don’t know what happened between you and Ale, but if it’s the same thing that happened between me and you then you need to talk to her. She’s worried about you and scared. She doesn’t want to lose you.” 

“She only cares now that she thinks her precious imagine is going to get hurt.” 

“If you talk to her now, while Olga is here, it’ll be easier. She calms Alexia down and makes her think more rationally.” 

“Who the fuck is Olga?” Was that the mysterious brunette in the dining room?

“What do you mean? She’s alexia’s girlfriend? You’ve met her before?” 

“No I haven’t. I didn’t know she had a girlfriend.” 

“Yes you met her a dinner a few months ago? She comes to Ales games and on Fridays when we have dinner!”

“I wasn’t invited to that dinner, I don’t go to Alexia’s games and I certainly don’t go to Friday dinners!” The angry tears started. Alexia was my hero, my bestfriend, the person I wanted to be and now I’ve been pushed aside. I know nothing about her and she equally knows nothing about me. 

Alba pulled me in tight, letting me cry on her. It was weird doing it with her, she used to be the reason I cried and not the one to comfort me. But here we are, things change I guess. 

“Mami really needs to talk with you so we need to go downstairs.” Begrudgingly I let alba pull me down the stairs. It was obvious to everyone that I had been crying, mami’s face softening when she saw me, Alexia’s face frowning in confusion. 

“You wanted to talk so please do it quickly. I want to go to bed.” I tried to speak as respectfully as I could to Mami, it wasn’t her fault. 

“Mija, I’ll be away for a month, you know this si?” I nodded my head before she continued, “you’re too young to stay here for a month alone so you’re going to stay with Alexia and Olga. You can still see your friends and will go to school, but they will look after you.” 

“Mami no! I can look after myself!” 

“You’re 16 chica. You’re not an adult like you think you are.” Alexia scoffed from the other side of the table. 

“So what? You’re shipping me off to stay with Alexia, who won’t even been there half the time and a stranger? That’s safer? Some person that I’ve never met and sure as shit don’t trust!” 

“Stop being such a Perra! You have met Olga, plenty of times! She comes to all the games she can, and to dinners all the time.” 

“Ale stop” Alba knew what was coming and tried to stop it but it was too late. 

“Dios mío, your head is so far up your own arse isn’t it? I haven’t been to a single game in over 8 months, I don’t get invited to you stupid little Friday night dinners and I have never met your girlfriend! Up until an hour ago I didn’t even know you had a fucking girlfriend Alexia. Everything is always about you. You and your stupid football or your stupid knee. I bet you right now you couldn’t tell me anything about what I’ve done in the last year, can you?” 

“I know you quit football because you’re being a brat.” 

Her answer honestly made me chuckle “Okay Alexia, anything else?” 

Silence. She couldn’t tell you a single thing. 

“Yeah that’s what I thought. You know nothing about me and that’s how it’s going to stay. I dont trust you, I don’t like you and I sure as shit don’t love you. You’re not my Hermana.” With hot tears falling down my face, I stormed back upstairs. I text Isabella asking if I could stay over and once she replied with a yes, I was gone. Out the window like Alba had come in an hour earlier. I texted Mami to let her know, I wasn’t that horrible to make her worry. 

“Mami, you can’t let her talk to people like that! She’s incredibly disrespectful!” 

Alba rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Are you serious? That girl used to hang off you. She looked up to you. It was always you alexia and now she wants nothing to do with you. You don’t invite her places, you don’t care about her. I noticed ages ago she was pulling away and I fixed it. Did you know she has a girlfriend? Or that she’s taking senior classes because she’s the smartest there? Or the fact that people are paying her to make them art or buying the pieces she already has. She quit football because she hates it. She hates it because of you. You ruined it for her. Mami, I will stay here with her while you’re gone. It’ll be better that way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drop her off at Isabella’s.” 

“No! It’s a school night! She cannot be going out!” It seems everything that was just said to Alexia, went in one ear and out the other. 

“Alexia stop it now. She is allowed to stay at her girlfriend’s house, she has an exam at 1pm. Maybe you need to listen to what people are saying to you. I am going to bed, I suggest you all do the same, at your own houses.” 

“Why does no one listen to me!” Alexia was annoyed, overwhelmed and tired. It had drained a lot of her energy being here tonight. 

“Ale, I’m going to say this one time, you need to listen to what everyone has told you tonight, really listen, because you aren’t. You need to fix things with her but you need to sort your shit out first.” Olga had stayed silent most of the night, listening to everything that was said knowing her girlfriend wouldn’t. You were right, you had never met each other. What Olga didn’t realise was that it was Alexia’s fault, not yours. She put it down to being a moody teenager who was too cool to hang out with her sisters, oh how wrong she was. 

•———————————————————————•

Two days before Mami was meant to go away, Alba rang saying she couldn’t stay over. She had gotten a modelling gig in Madrid and needed to go, that left Alexia and Olga. It would be the longest month of my life. Mami promised nothing would change just because I was staying here, she was wrong. Alexia was a bitch. 

The first few days were fine, alexia would drop me off at school and I’d make my way home after, I generally spend it was Isabella because Alexia wouldn’t let her come over. We go into the city centre, get coffee and do our homework then catch the bus home. We did this even when Mami was here so it wasn’t anything new but when Alexia found out she hit the roof. 

“You cannot be going into the city by yourself! Are you thick in the head?” 

“Jesus Christ alexia! I’m not alone. Isabella is with me. Mami lets me do it so I’m going to keep doing it.” 

“Is Isabella the reason you’re skipping school too?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I scoffed, storming off the guest bedroom and slamming the door so hard it made Olga jump. 

By the third day of me being there, Alexia had turned up to pick me up herself. I tried to completely ignore her but Isabella had other ideas. 

“Your sister is death staring me right now.” 

“No amor, not you but me. Oh fuck here we go, she’s coming over here.” 

“Get in the car y/n.”

“No. I told you yesterday that I’m allowed to do this. You’re not the boss of me.” 

“Bebeita, it’s fine. I’ve got chores to do for papa anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She kissed my cheek and then walked away, leaving me no choice but to get in Alexia’s car. 

The car ride was hell. Alexia was pissed, her hands constantly gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckle turned white. Neither of us spoke. To be honest, I didn’t know where we were going until we turned up at the training ground. 

“Why are we here?” 

“We have training. Get out.” 

“No alexia. I quit. What part of that don’t you understand.” 

“Get out now, or I will drag you out.” 

Knowing she would literally drag me out, I had to wait it out. She’d turn her back eventually and I could leg it. I’m faster than her and more willing to jump fences. 

The time came sooner than I thought, after entering the change rooms, she threw a set of clothes into my chest and walked off to the bathrooms. This was my chance and I wasn’t going to waste it. 

Throwing the clothes into her cubby, I legged it out the door. Running past Mapi, Ingrid and Ona who all had confused looked on their faces. As soon as I got out, I kept running, knowing i had to get a head start. I wasn’t really sure where I was going, I knew I couldn’t go back to Alexia’s, Olga would be there. I couldn’t go home because that’s the first place she’d go, I couldn’t go to Albas because she drag me back by my ear. There was only one place to go. 

Can Cuyás Golf Culb was the best place to hide. Sure someone might see me, but it’s easy enough to pretend to be lost. 

The first thing Alexia noticed when she came out was the lack of you. Then the clothes she had given you, thrown back into her cubby. 

“Have you seen y/n?” She asked as she turned to the girls in the locker room. 

“She ran past us like 5 minutes ago?” Ona spoke up. 

“Did she say anything?” 

“No she was in a bit of a hurry Ale.” Mapi rolled her eyes at her best friend. 

“Fuck sake.” Alexia exited the locker room, walking through the facility to try and find you. Slight panic kicked in when she wasn’t able too. Deciding to call Alba first, knowing you’d been closer to her the past few months. 

“Hola Ale, to what do I owe this pleasure?” The sarcasm dripping from her voice. 

“Have you seen y/n?” 

“No why? What happened?” Panic arising in Alba. 

“I picked her up from school and bought her to training. Gave her clothes to change into and I went to the toilet and came back and she was gone. She fucking ran off.” 

“Why the hell would you try and make her train Alexia! She quit. She doesn’t want to play anymore!” Alba quickly became anger with the oldest Putellas. 

“She is too good to throw it all away! She’s being a stupid child about all of this!” Quickly becoming defensive, not enjoying the way Alba is talking to her. 

“You’re unbelievable. I haven’t seen her, I will try and find her. Don’t you worry, put your football above her like you always do.” 

“Alba-“ she hung up before alexia could get another word in. There was one person left that Alexia had to call. 

“Hola amor, why aren’t you training?” Olga’s sweet voice sounded through the phone. 

“I’ve lost y/n. Can you please let me know if she comes home and if she does then don’t let her out of your sight.” 

“What do you mean you’ve lost her Ale?” 

“I bought her to training and she ran away while I was in the bathroom.” Pinching the bridge of her nose, Alexia already knew by the silence on the other end that Olga was trying to not yell at her. 

“Alexia-“

“No I know okay. I already got an ear full from Alba. I have to go but I’ll call you later okay. I love you.” Slowly it started to creep in the fact that she had fucked up and caused you to run away. Training dragged on for Alexia, hoping that you had been found or made contact with Alba or even Olga. 

Meanwhile, after hiding at the golf course for an hour, i decided to head to Isabella’s house. Knocking on the door, Isabella answered, still buttoning up her shirt. Eyes wide when she realised I was at her door. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” She closed the door slightly, so I could no longer see into the loungeroom. 

“I ran away from Alexia. I was hoping we could hang out like normal?” 

“Now’s not really a good time. I have someone here.” Isabella spoke quietly, not wanting to allude to the fact that the person inside wasn’t just a friend. 

“Baby come back, we weren’t finished.” A guys voice yelled out. 

“It’s not what you think y/n!” 

“I think that guy wants your attention. I’m guessing that’s the reason you’re half dressed. Enjoy your time with him, we are done.” Tears welling in my eyes. 

“I’m sorry y/n!” 

“Go fuck your self Isabella.” sadness turned into anger real quick. 

Isabella was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, the first person I had sex with and she goes and fucks a guy? While we are together? This is literally the last thing I wanted to deal with. 

Unsure on what to do, or who to call I found my way to the beach. My throat and eyes hurt from crying so much. The pain in my chest was getting worse. Pulling out my phone, ignoring all the messages and calls, I rang the one person who would calm me. 

“Hey Calabaza? What’s up?” Jenni’s voice rang through my ears. Unable to form a coherent sentence, only sobs coming out of my mouth. 

“Hold on Bebé” I could hear her moving around, the voices of her teammates getting quieter, “talk to me. What happened?”

“I ran away. I ran away from Alexia and I went to Isabella’s house and she-she was cheating on me. With a guy. A fucking dude. She broke my heart Jenni. It hurts so much.” 

“Oh babé. Where is Ale now? Where are you?” 

“I don’t know. She’s probably at training. I’m at the beach where Papa used to take us. She’s going to be so mad at me.”

“Can you tell me why you ran away from her?” The way Jenni spoke so sweetly was something I missed dearly. 

“She got me from school and took me to the training grounds. She was trying to make me train but when she went to the bathroom I ran away. I don’t want to train, I don’t want to play. I hate the game and I hate her. She doesn’t listen or care about me!” I could feel myself getting upset again. 

“Okay okay, just breathe. You’re okay. I’m not going to tell her where you are but I need to tell someone. Albs has messaged me and so has Olga. You can pick who I tell.” 

Pondering the options, Alba would tell Alexia but she’d also be just as angry and upset. Olga would tell Alexia but she’d be calmer and softer, that was what I needed at this moment. 

“Olga. But tell her not to bring Alexia.” 

“Okay bebé.” After a few moments she spoke up again, “she’s on the way. She promised no Alexia. Do you want to stay on the line with me until she comes?” 

“Yes please. Can you tell me about Mexico?” Sniffling and wiping my face, I got up, walking towards the road to wait for Olga. After 25 minutes, Olga pulled up. A sad smile and worry on her face, she put an arm around me. 

“Is Olga there now?” Jenni asked. 

“Yeah she is. Uh thanks Jenni. Sorry for disturbing you.” Embarrassed about haven taken her time. 

“No bebé, you don’t need to thank me or apologise. We are hermanas no matter what okay. You call me tomorrow when you’re feeling better. I love you.” with that she hung up. Reality slowing sinking it. 

“Let’s get you home yeah? Are you hungry?” Olga smiled sadly at me. 

“No thanks. Just tired.” I mumbled out. 

The drive back to Alexia’s was quiet. When we pulled up, Alexia’s car wasn’t there, meaning she wasn’t home. That was good. Very good. 

“She’s at Albas house. I told her you had messaged me but that I didn’t know where you were yet. It’s a small lie, but I’m sure it’s worth it.” 

“Alexia hates lying.” I said lowly. Thinking back to all those times as a small girl that she yelled at me for lying. 

“I know Pequeño. Do you want to tell me what happened today?” 

“Everyday Isabella and I go into the city and have coffee and do our homework, but today Alexia came to school and got me. She drove us to the training grounds and said I had to train. But I-i quit. I don’t want to play anymore, I don’t enjoy it and only did it for Alexia but it was never enough. Nothing I do is ever enough for her.” Olga grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze for me to continue. 

“I went to Isabella’s house and she had someone there. A guy, a guy that she was fucking. She was cheating on me for god knows how long. I thought everything was good with us. She was my first girlfriend and my first kiss. I lost my fucking virginity to her and she goes and fucks someone else? It just hurts. So much. Everything is hurting so much.” 

“Oh pequeño. Come here.” Olga held me tight, my tears slowly soaking her shirt. 

“Why doesn’t she love me like she loves Alba? I don’t understand.” 

“Alexia?”

“Mhm. Nothing I do is good enough. I just want her to care about me more. Why can’t she?” It broke Olga’s heart hearing me say that. She didn’t know what was happening but she knew Alexia needed to fix it and fast. 

After slowly showering, I thanked Olga and excused myself to bed. I didn’t think I had any tears left to cry but after crying for a while, I managed to pass out. 

 •———————————————————————•

After you went to your room, Olga texted Alexia, telling her she was here and safe. Alba and Alexia both rushed back to her home. Angry and worried at you, ready to both give you an ear full. 

“Where is she Olga?” Alexia came in loudly. 

“Keep your voice down. Both of you.” Olga was very firm. 

“No she’s in trouble. She doesn’t get off lightly, we have been so worried about her.” Alexia sooke back angrily, usually she’d listen to her girlfriend but this had sent her into a rage. 

“Really Ale? You’ve been worried? So worried you couldn’t train right? That you spent all night calling her friends or going to her favourite spots to try and find her?” Olga had had enough. 

“Amor that’s not fair.” 

“No you know what’s not fair? The fact that neither of you have been listening to her. She doesn’t want to play, she did it for you Ale. She wanted to make you proud of her. She hated playing but you wouldn’t know that. She loves to draw, and she’s really really good at it. She showed me all her work.” 

Olga walked to the couch, extremely disappointed with the two women standing in front of her. 

“Her girlfriend cheated on her. She found out this afternoon. She rang Jenni and Jenni messaged me. That’s how I found her. She was at the beach, heartbroken. Then when we got home, she asked why you didn’t love her Ale. She thinks you don’t care about her. That girl may have broke her heart tonight, but you broke her heart first Alexia. You’ll need to live with the fact that you were her first heartbreak.” Olga was exhausted. Neither Alexia Or Alba said anything. Both sitting in opposite ends of the lounge room, tears silently falling. 

Olga excused herself to bed, leaving the older two in the lounge room to mull on their thoughts. She promised herself after your heartbreaking confession that she would have your back through this. Whatever tomorrow held, you would face it together. 

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

When You Call Them Clingy| Hyungline

Hyungline x Gn!Reader

Request: I hope you enjoy!!! <3

Bangchan

The soft hum of the studio usually made you feel at peace, especially when you were just spending time with Chan. You were always glad to support him in his creative space, and you enjoyed watching him work. It made you admire and love him even more than you already did, to see ihm where he felt most comfortablte.

His studio, a mix of chaos and harmony, had always been a safe space where you could just sit quietly, listening to his music flow, while you did your own thing. It wasn’t a busy session, so you figured it would be a relaxing evening- just the two of you, in quiet company, without needing to talk or be overly present.

Which after the day you had was something you needed.

But, in a rare occurrence, Chan wasn’t just focused on the music today. Every few minutes, he’d stop, look over at you, and ask if you needed anything.

"Are you comfortable?" "Do you want something to drink?" "Is the light okay? I can turn it down if it’s too bright."

At first, you smiled and humored him, appreciating the concern. He was always thoughtful like that, checking in to make sure everyone was doing well. But after a while, the constant attention felt like more than you were prepared for.

It was subtle, almost like he couldn’t quite bring himself to trust that you were fine on your own. That he couldn’t leave you alone for even a minute. The steady rhythm of his work seemed to be interrupted each time he looked over, his eyes scanning your face, waiting for a reaction, for some indication that you were okay. It wasn’t just the questions- it was the way he seemed to hover around you, constantly adjusting things to make sure you were comfortable, even if you didn’t ask for it.

You shifted in your seat, trying to get comfortable, but the tension in your chest was growing, an invisible weight pressing down on you. The events of the day had drained you- errands, calls, the never-ending list of things you still had to do- and all you wanted now was to relax, to sink into the quiet. You weren’t used to being babied, and it was starting to irk you that you were.

“Chan, you’re being a little clingy, don’t you think?” you blurted out, the words escaping before you could stop them; coming out way sharper than you had intended.

Thus, the moment they left your mouth, you regretted them.

His head snapped up, and you could see his entire body freeze, mid-motion. The soft click of his mouse was the only sound that filled the room, the silence stretching longer than you intended. You quickly glanced at him, feeling the weight of the moment settle over you like a heavy fog.

The hurt flickered in his eyes, as he stared at his computer screen, and you immediately wished you could take the words back. The Chan you knew was warm, dependable, and always in tune with others, but he wasn’t immune to being hurt, even if he was quick to hide it. His shoulders slumped just a little as he took in your words, the usual ease in his expression slipping away.

“You’re not bothered, are you?” Chan asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper, as if testing whether he’d heard you correctly. You watched as he swallowed his fingers twitching over the soundboard.

You could tell he was trying to mask the hurt, but the slight edge of defensiveness in his tone couldn’t go unnoticed.

"No, it's just- it's a lot, Chan," you said, trying to backtrack. "I know you care, but I can do things myself."

His expression faltered, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he nodded slowly, a quiet acceptance in his eyes that made the room feel colder.

“Okay,” he replied softly, the one word holding more weight than you expected.

He stood up from his desk, his hand running through his hair in a rare moment of uncertainty. You watched as he stepped away, moving to the corner of the room where he kept his equipment, his movements slow, deliberate.

For a second, you thought he might say something else, some explanation or defense. But instead, he settled into a quiet stillness, his attention shifting back to the computer in front of him.

But the energy in the room had changed. There was no longer the usual comfortable buzz of creativity between you both. His focus was fixed on his work now, but you could sense the space between you growing- not from distance, but from something unspoken that had settled between you. Something heavy that neither of you was willing to address just yet.

The soft click of keys echoed through the room, but it felt far away now, distant. You turned your gaze back to him, but he wasn’t looking at you. The spark in his eyes- the one that had always made him seem so open and present- was dimmer now, as if the energy was draining from him, and the room felt quieter for it.

You opened your mouth to speak again, to apologize, to fix the tension, but no words came. The weight of your earlier remark had lodged itself too deeply between you. Instead, you sat there in silence, your shoulders tense as you fidgeted with your phone, trying to distract yourself.

You felt horrible. You could feel it in the pit of your stomach, the gnawing regret. You hadn’t meant it to come out like that. You had only wanted some space, some quiet to yourself. But in doing so, you had hurt him- someone who had only ever wanted to make you comfortable, to show that he cared in his own way, despite his busy life.

As the night wore on, the conversation you thought would flow so easily never came. Instead, you found yourself lost in your thoughts, your mind circling back to his quiet reaction. The weight of his silence hung heavy, and you realized that things had shifted in a way you couldn’t take back. The space between you wasn’t just physical now- it was emotional, palpable.

And you didn’t know how to bridge that gap.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Minho

Minho had invited you over for dinner, and you’d been looking forward to it all week. Due to his busy schedule, you guys rarely hadf time to go on dates, so this is what made up for it.

His cooking was always top-notch, as if you were at a five-star restaurant, and you both usually spent hours enjoying each other’s company, laughing and talking about anything and everything. It showed you a different side of Minho every time you went over, the evenings always the kind of evenings that felt comfortable, familiar, and right. But tonight, it was different.

You hadn’t been in the best mood for the past few days. Between work, personal things, and the overwhelming lack of sleep, everything felt like too much. You could feel the stress weighing you down, settling in your chest, and despite the warm invitation, you couldn’t shake the sense of exhaustion that clung to you. The last thing you needed right now was Minho’s over-the-top pampering. You found yourself almost wishing he would be the quieter, more stoic Minho lots of people knew.

You sat at the kitchen counter, rubbing your temples, trying to ground yourself. The clink of glasses and the smell of food were all around you, yet it felt distant, like you couldn’t fully engage in the moment. Minho, ever attentive, seemed to notice and was quick to act.

“Here,” he said gently, handing you a glass of water with a soft smile. His hand falling to the small of your back. “You need to stay hydrated. Don’t forget, it’s important.” He placed a small kiss on your cheek.

You forced a small smile, trying to mask your frustration. “I know, Minho,” you muttered, taking the glass but not quite meeting his gaze. “You don’t have to remind me every five minutes.”

Minho blinked, clearly caught off guard by your tone. The usual lightheartedness between you both seemed to fade a little, and his face momentarily tightened, his eyes narrowing, just the slightest flicker of surprise crossing his features.

“I’m just making sure you’re okay,” he said, his voice softer now, a hint of vulnerability creeping into his words. “I care about you, and you seem agitated by something.”

His words were sincere, but for some reason, it only made your irritation grow. You had always appreciated how considerate Minho was with you specifically, how he’d go out of his way to make sure you felt good, but tonight, it was too much. You were so tired, mentally and physically, that even the smallest things felt like a weight you couldn’t carry. You just wanted to be left alone in your thoughts for a moment.

You exhaled sharply, frustration bubbling up as you tried to suppress it, but it was no use.

“Minho, seriously. Stop being so clingy,” you snapped, your voice sharper than you intended. “I don’t need you to make sure I’m comfortable every five seconds,” you muttered, the exhaustion making you sound harsher than you wanted. The words hung in the air, like they were already too much as soon as they left your lips.

The room seemed to freeze for a moment. Minho’s expression faltered, his eyes widening slightly as though your words had physically hit him. For a second, you regretted it, but the irritation still burned inside you.

His face fell, his smile slipping away. You could see it clearly now- the hurt in his eyes, the way his shoulders tensed, as if your words had taken the air out of him.

Minho didn’t respond immediately, and you could see his gaze shift downward, his fingers gently toying with the edge of the countertop. There was a long silence, the kind that felt like a distant echo, hanging heavily between you both.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable,” he said, his voice quieter, almost unsure. The tone was different now- softer, more vulnerable than it had been moments before. "Guess you want to treat you just the same as everyone else." His tone was no sharp, his hurt masking itself with irritation.

Your chest tightened with guilt, but the irritation still lingered.

Now he's gonna act all petty?

You opened your mouth to say something, but the words didn’t come out as you intended.

For the rest of the night, something in the air shifted. The warmth that had once been there, the playful teasing and easy camaraderie, seemed to evaporate. Minho didn’t joke around with you like he usually did, no teasing smirk or lighthearted remarks. Instead, he was quiet, almost too quiet, as if trying to withdraw without saying a word. His eyes avoided yours, and when you spoke, he answered in soft, clipped sentences, with a bit of a bite, as if holding back the true amount of venom he wanted to use.

The energy in the room felt stifling, as though the conversation had drained all the life out of it. You could feel the tension rising with each passing minute, the unsaid words hanging heavily in the space between you. Even the food, which normally would’ve been a comfort, seemed bland and cold.

You noticed how he didn’t even sit next to you while you ate- he lingered at the stove, focusing a bit to much on his cleanup.

He didn’t ask if you were okay anymore. He didn’t try to comfort you, or joke about the ridiculousness and pettiness of this whole situation.

It stung, and you hated that it did. You wanted to take it back, wanted to apologize, but your vice of pride kept you rooted in your silence. You didn’t know how to say sorry, not when the frustration felt like it was still gnawing at you.

When Minho finally did sit at the table, he finished his meal quickly, his plate pushed away, and he stood up, clearing the table with quick mechanical movements. He seemed to go through the motions, as though nothing had changed, but you could feel the tension.

When Minho finally looked at you, his eyes were distant, but there was a subtle flicker of hurt that you hadn’t expected, something you couldn’t ignore, and it stung more than you realized. Something that showed you your words had cut him even more than you had thought.

“Thanks for dinner,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper, void of the usual warmth. Now, it was no longer laced with irritation, that feeling had long since morphed into an unease and anxious guilt.

He nodded, but it was a small, mechanical motion, his gaze still not quite meeting yours. “Anytime.” He glanced at his watch, then turned away, his tone colder than it had been all evening. “I have work to do. But you can show yourself out whenever you’re ready. Drive safe.”

Before you could respond, he made his way to his room, then stopped mid-step. You saw the brief hesitation in his posture before he turned back toward you. Without another word, he leaned in and kissed your temple- a quick, almost reflexive gesture. But it was different this time.

It lacked the usual warmth, the reassurance he always gave when parting ways. This kiss felt more like a habit than an act of affection, as though he couldn’t help it, even now, despite the tension in the air.

It was a gesture you’d become accustomed to over the months.

Minho’s little ritual of kissing your temple before leaving, like a small blessing or a reminder that he cared. It had always made you feel safe, loved, and cared for. But tonight, it only made your heart ache more, because you realized just how deeply he still cared for you, even in the aftermath of your words. Even in the face of your anger, he was still showing you love, silently.

And that’s when it hit you- he was still being the bigger person. You, on the other hand, let your frustrations cloud your judgment, never fully appreciating the ways Minho always took care of you.

He was trying, trying so hard to make sure you knew you were loved, going out of his usual love language comfort zones, and you had just pushed him away with your harshness.

The kiss lingered in the air long after he pulled away, the silence between you thick with unspoken emotions.

And just like that, the evening ended. The space between you felt suffocating now. Every breath you took felt heavier than the last, as guilt gnawed at you from the inside.

You couldn’t help but wonder if you could have handled it better, if you could have just let the frustration go instead of lashing out. But Minho didn’t seem to want to address that issue tonight. Not now. And the realization that you had left him feeling like that hurt more than anything.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Changbin

Changbin had always been energetic, especially when it came to hanging out with you. Whether it was spontaneous plans or meticulously planned-out evenings, he was the type to keep the energy high. But tonight, his energy felt more like an obligation- one that you didn’t ask for, but he seemed determined to push on you.

You didn’t want to ruin his mood, but you just weren’t in the right headspace for his relentless affection. It had been a long day, and you were struggling to keep up with the high spirits he was bringing. He practically showered you with snacks, offering things before you even knew you wanted them.

“Are you cold? I’ll get you a sweater.” “Do you need more chips? Wait, do you like these ones better?” “Should we pause the movie? Are you uncomfortable?”

It was sweet, really, but at the same time, you were starting to feel suffocated. You wanted to enjoy the movie, but you were also feeling the pressure of his constant presence, his constant attention. You just needed space- space to breathe without the constant checking in, without feeling like everything you did was being observed.

“Changbin,” you said, your voice more clipped than usual. “You’re being so clingy. Can you stop?”

The words left your mouth before you could fully process them, and as soon as you saw his face, you regretted it. His eyes, always so lively, lost their spark. His face fell, and for a moment, it felt like the entire room chilled. The warmth he usually exuded seemed to evaporate in an instant.

You couldn’t look away from the hurt in his eyes. He didn’t say anything, just stood up quickly, gathering the snack bags and tossing them into the trash without a word. You saw the back of his neck turn an extreme shade of crimson, inching its way up to the tips of his ears.

“Sorry, I’ll give you space,” he said flatly, his voice void of the usual playfulness.

You swallowed hard, trying to hold back the guilt that was already welling up in your chest. The words you had thrown out so carelessly weren’t just a reflection of your frustration- they had hit him, harder than you had intended.

You wanted to apologize, to fix it, but before you could, Changbin was already turning away, his focus shifting to his phone. He tapped away at it with far too much intensity, avoiding your gaze.

You thought about it then- his need to please, his constant effort to keep things light, was actually a way of overcompensating.

Changbin was trying to distract you from whatever it was that bothered you, from the things he knew were going on in your life. But tonight, all it did was make you feel like a burden. He didn’t want to face whatever was weighing on him, so he smothered you in attention. But all you wanted was to be left alone for a few minutes. But how was he supposed to know that when his affection was not only something you loved, but most of the time desperately craved.

As you glanced over at him, his shoulders were tense, and his fingers were working quickly on his phone. He hadn’t even seemed to notice that you had curled up against the couch, your arms crossed tightly over your chest. The movie was playing in the background, but neither of you were really watching it anymore.

The silence between you two thickened. Your own guilt was suffocating, but you couldn’t bring yourself to apologize, not yet. What was there to say? You had told him he was clingy, a word that no one ever wants to hear in a relationship.

It was a simple mistake, but it felt like something much worse.

As Changbin slipped off to the bathroom a while later, his movements were almost mechanical, as if he couldn’t stand to be around you for even a second longer. His absence left the room feeling cold. You pulled your phone out of your pocket to distract yourself, scrolling aimlessly, but something caught your eye. A text popped up on Changbin’s phone screen, and you leaned over to see it, a message from Hyunjin that made your stomach twist.

“Did you pop the question??!! Did Y/N say yes???!!”

The weight of the text hit you like a ton of bricks.

He had been planning to propose tonight.

He had been overcompensating, acting overly affectionate because he was nervous. He wanted everything to be perfect for you. He had been planning this all along, and here you were, pushing him away without realizing it.

A wave of guilt washed over you. You had been so wrapped up in your own stress that you had completely missed the signs.

When he returned from the bathroom, his face was flushed a deep shade of red. He avoided your gaze as he walked in, eyes glued to the floor, his shoulders hunched as though he were expecting some sort of confrontation. The atmosphere had changed, and you could feel it, like the air itself was thick with unspoken words.

“I…I’m sorry for being so clingy,” Changbin said quietly, his voice almost trembling. He lifted his eyes to meet yours, and you were struck by how vulnerable he looked, the way his face was tinged with embarrassment, and you swear his eyes were rimmed in a more irritated red, as if he had just come back from crying.

The confidence he usually exuded had dissolved, replaced by something far more raw.

The vulnerability in Changbin's voice made your chest tighten. His usual strength, the steady and confident energy he carried, seemed to crumble before you. His words hung in the air, heavy and full of meaning, yet your mind was spinning too fast to catch any of it.

“Changbin...” you began, but your throat felt dry. His eyes darted away from yours, as if holding your gaze was too much.

“I didn’t mean to overwhelm you,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper, his words coming out even faster than he rapped. His fingers fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, a rare display of nervousness that twisted the guilt in your stomach even further. “I just thought maybe I could...I don’t know, help, but I didn't take your feelings into consideration. I'm sorry. It was wrong and not what you needed. So I apologize.”

His voice cracked slightly on the last word, and it hit you like a blow to the chest. You wanted to tell him he had helped, that his presence was a comfort, even if you hadn’t seen it at the time. That he didn't need to apologize that you were the one who needed to apologize. But instead, the words stuck in your throat, the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on you as you watched Changbin grabbing his things.

"Are you leaving?" Your heart leapt in your throat. “I’m sorry for snapping at you,” you managed, your voice softer now, almost pleading. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just...I’ve been so tired lately, and I wasn’t thinking-”

He nodded, but the gesture was slow, uncertain. His eyes flickered toward his phone on the coffee table for a moment, but then he quickly looked away. Pocketing it without a second glance. His lips pressed into a thin line, and you could see the effort it took for him to keep his composure.

“It’s fine,” he said finally, his voice flat in a way that didn’t sound like him. “You don’t have to explain.”

“But I want to explain,” you said quickly, stepping closer to him. “You didn’t deserve that. I just-”

Changbin shook his head, cutting you off. “It’s okay, really. I get it. Sometimes I can be...too much.” His laugh was bitter, a sound so unlike him that it made your heart ache. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but I guess I overstepped. My bad."

“You didn’t overstep,” you insisted, but your words felt hollow even to you.

You could see the way Changbin was retreating into himself, building walls where there had once been none. His usual openness, the way he wore his heart on his sleeve, was gone. In its place was a guarded version of him you had never seen before.

“I should go,” he said quietly, his voice devoid of its usual warmth.

“What?” you asked, your heart sinking. “Go? Changbin, wait-”

“It’s fine, Y/N.” he interrupted, forcing a tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I think we both need some space.” His voice wavered and you could tell he was trying his best not to cry.

The words hit you like a slap, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe. You wanted to argue, to tell him to stay, but the look in his eyes stopped you. He was hurt- really hurt- and no amount of apologizing in that moment would fix it.

“Bin...” you tried again, your voice breaking.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, jagiya.” he said quickly, not giving you a chance to respond. He turned toward the door, his movements stiff and deliberate, as though he were holding himself together with sheer willpower.

The sound of the door closing behind him was deafening.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hyunjin

Hyunjin had always been the most observant of anyone in your life. Which was one aspect that made you fall for him rather quickly. That and his passionate flair matched with unparalleled looks sparked a tender, fragile and deeply cinematic and irreplaceable type of love. He could read your moods with the kind of precision that sometimes felt like he could peer into your soul.

Tonight was no different.

He’d planned an afternoon at the art gallery, an activity you both loved for different reasons. His enthusiasm was infectious as he led you through the exhibits, explaining things with his usual passion. The way his eyes lit up as he spoke about the paintings, his voice filled with such excitement, usually made you feel lighter, but tonight, it all felt like too much. You wanted to enjoy it, but your mind was elsewhere. The weight of everything that had been building up- the stress of work, the tension with friends, an inexplicable loneliness creeping in- was clouding your thoughts.

You kept nodding and smiling politely, but your mind was racing, unable to focus on the beauty around you and next to you.

By the time you reached the café you always frequented afterwards, you felt drained, and Hyunjin’s constant attention started to feel a little too much.

And you couldn't help but feel a bit irritable at the fact that Hyunjin hadn't noticed that you wanted a bit of space.

He was supposed to notice everything wasn't he? You thought sarcastically to yourself.

He was offering to refill your drink every few minutes, asking if you needed more sugar, commenting on the way you "cute" you were holding your cup.

Yet every time he looked at you, it felt like he was trying to read you, trying to fix what was broken inside you when you didn’t even know how to explain what was wrong.

And he still somehow couldn't manage it...

“Hyunjin,” you finally said, setting your cup down with a frustrated sigh. “Can you just sit down for a minute and stop fretting over every little thing I do?” Your voice was sharper than you intended, and even as you said it, a twinge of guilt crept in.

His brow furrowed, and his smile faltered, the lightness in his demeanor vanishing as his eyes searched yours for any hint of what was wrong.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, his voice soft but laced with concern, as if he could tell something was off but couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

You forced a small smile, hoping it would reassure him, but it felt empty even to you. “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just... overwhelmed. Thought you would have noticed that by now,” you murmured, your words like an apology, even though they weren’t enough to explain the depth of what you were feeling.

He nodded but didn’t sit down in his own seat. Rather he continued to hover, shifting in the booth next to you, tapping his fingers on the table. The pressure of his presence- his concern, his need to keep checking on you- was starting to feel like an anchor, weighing you down when all you wanted was to float, to escape for just a moment.

"Hyunjin!" you snapped, unable to keep the frustration from your voice. You hated how you sounded, like a burden, but the words spilled out before you could stop them, "You’re being clingy! I thought I made that clear." You quipped, frustration bubbling up and over and out, directed at him.

His eyes widened, and for a moment, the color seemed to drain from his face. He didn’t speak at first, his mouth parting as if he was trying to find the right words. His gaze flickered to the side, and then he sighed quietly, the weight of the sigh making your heart sink. He licked his lip nervously.

“Okay,” he said, his voice small, almost defeated. He pushed his chair back gently and moved to sit across from you, but his posture was off- his shoulders slumped, his back stiff with a tension you hadn’t noticed before. His leg shaking up and down silently. The usual ease and warmth of his presence had shifted, replaced by something colder and anxious.

The rest of the evening was extremely strained. Hyunjin was quieter than usual, his focus elsewhere, barely making eye contact with you. Every time you tried to start a conversation, hoping to push past your miniature outburst, he seemed as if he was consciously avoiding you. He kept his gaze on his phone, fiddling with it absently, or staring off into the distance like he was waiting for something- anything- to change. His usual playful, admiration filled comments were gone, and in their place was a silence that made the air thickly discomforting.

You wanted to apologize, to explain yourself better, but something held you back. Maybe it was the fear that he wouldn’t understand, or maybe you were too embarrassed by how you had snapped at him in public of all places.

You couldn’t tell him how much you had been struggling, how every small thing was feeling too heavy to carry. You didn’t want him to worry about you, not like this, not when you couldn’t even explain it properly.

As you both finished your drinks, the silence between you felt too much to handle. His suffocating warmth and attention was gone, and you wished for that back rather than whatever the hell this was.

The energy between you had shifted so drastically that it felt like you were sitting next to a stranger.

When the bill came, Hyunjin stood up without a word, his movements quick. He paid, still not meeting your eyes. His fingers lingered on the edge of his wallet for a moment too long, like he was trying to force himself to do something, to act like everything was fine.

But the hesitation in his actions, the stiffness in his demeanor, told you everything. You had pushed him away, and now he was retreating behind a wall of his own.

“I’ll walk you home,” he said, but his voice lacked the usual warmth. It was polite, but you could hear the sadness behind it.

You nodded, but there was nothing else to say. The walk home was filled with nothing but the sound of your footsteps and the occasional shift of his feet beside you. The distance between you felt insurmountable now, even though you were so close to each other physically.

When you reached your door, you hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do. You wanted to say something- apologize, maybe- but Hyunjin was already backing away, his eyes avoiding yours.

“I’ll see you later,” he said, his voice quiet, and with that, he turned and walked away without looking back.

You stood there, staring after him, feeling the weight of your words settle heavily on your chest.

"What did I do." You mumbled to yourself, letting the door close behind you with a soft click, but the regret in your heart all but made up for that.

And as the night stretched on, you realized the tension between you wasn’t something that could be fixed easily. Hyunjin was hurting, and you had no idea how to fix it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[auroracalisto]

Hey can you do a fiyero x reader where the reader is afraid of being vulnerable and he helps them?

yes, superfartninja, i think i can.

to be changed.

movie!fiyero x gn!reader, 3.4k words summary: to be vulnerable meant to be defenseless. it was a liability and that's all it ever would be. fiyero couldn't have that, now could he? a/n: please remember that i only have movie knowledge, so this will be based solely on what i saw in the movie. :P also, shout outs to house song by searows (was on repeat for this fic). erm. this kind of got away from me. i started it was 12 AM and now it's nearly 2 AM. hope it's coherent.

It wasn't like you to be vulnerable. It just didn't happen. It was like... asking a fish or an elephant to climb a tree, or some other weird analogy that you heard oh-so-long ago, when vulnerability aged you more than it helped.

To be vulnerable meant to be hurt. To be ridiculed, to be laughed at, to be made a fool in front of anyone who cared to look your way. It was something that you knew was not needed. You would be fine living by yourself. You came into this world alone and screaming, and you would leave this world the same way.

If you cut out the wound before it began to fester, you solved the problem immediately. Or so they say.

So that's what you did, long ago, when you swore to yourself that the pain you felt would be the very last time. It would never happen again. It couldn't happen again.

Oh, Oz, it couldn't. Your heart couldn't take it.

What was left of your heart, anyway. Sometimes you feared you no longer had one, especially when you feared the pain that would haunt you if someone else came along and made you feel that way again.

It's not that you were afraid. No, fear of being vulnerable was foolish. At least... you believed that you weren't afraid of being vulnerable.

Perhaps that was an act of foolishness in itself. Pretending that you weren't afraid. Pretending that having few friends and few moments of happiness didn't pierce your heart with every passing second.

Perhaps you needed to be better. To be vulnerable, to swear off that silly promise you made to yourself so many years ago.

But it was so difficult.

Being vulnerable was to be in pain. To be lost to a world of sorrow. To be... hurt by the very thing you swore you'd never be hurt by again.

It wouldn't happen.

You wouldn't let it.

He existed in the back of your mind. His beautiful blue eyes, the way those pretty locks fell in front of his eyes when he actually studied his books (if he ever did, of course).

When was the last time he actually tried...? No. You couldn't think of him like that. Too much thinking about his pretty face would ruin you.

You had only talked to him a few times here and there, and the first time was to merely ask him to move out of the way. He took up quite a lot of space—or at least, maybe it was his confidence. It oozed from him like an air of upmost superiority.

No...

You were just being cruel. He was just standing in the way, out of breath from singing to Galinda in the library (because of course—who didn't sing to pretty girls in libraries anymore?).

The second time you spoke to him was over the essay you had to write in your literature class. Peer reviews were the bane of your existence, and this essay, because of course it did, had a simple prompt in response to one of your readings: Taking into account the author's sheer disdain for the idea of magic, write what you believe Oz would be like without magic.

Thought-provoking, yes. You wrote a decent two pages, handwritten of course.

He gave you a paragraph.

If the world of Oz existed without magic, perhaps we would all be better off. No more bickering over the usages of it all, no more idiosyncrasies, no more debates on whether you are intelligent or mediocre if you hadn't the ability to wave a wand or utter a simple spell. If we didn't have magic, perhaps life would be far more difficult, but I also feel as if we should see what it would be like. Maybe there would be less heartbreak. More happiness to go around.

Okay. A piss-poor paragraph that made you wonder how he was even passing Madame Lillabet's literature class.

Maybe he wasn't.

You didn't feel pity for the man—nobility had the ability to do so many things that you would only ever dream of. Why should you feel pity—vulnerability—for a man you didn't know, let alone understood?

Oz, even now, his essay haunted you. You did your best with your review, pointing out the obvious things missing—a decent thesis, body paragraphs that proved his thesis, and just in general, an entire essay that was expected of the entire class.

He merely read over your essay and made one simple comment: Excellent.

Oh, yes, excellent. It was excellent to know that he was just trying to help your essay, yes? Leaving that little comment, even though you didn't make full marks—how was it supposed to help you?

Pity be damned. He was a fool, through and through.

Things muddled in your mind like they often did. Thoughts racing, heartbeat close behind the quick pace.

If you had magic, you'd be sure to quell it.

These thoughts were the one thing that you wished you could squash under the heel of your boot. They were the bane of your existence, the utterance of a foolhardy penance to the god of whatever looked down upon you and wished for pain.

Perhaps that was what was meant for you.

A life of pain—of pity from others, of the amenability to be swayed by those around you even when you tried, desperately, to stay away from those who may catch your attention.

Like him.

Oh, Oz, just like him.

Fiyero.

The man who'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to his shoulders. The man who once told you in passing that if he hadn't a brain, perhaps classes would be easier—then he wouldn't truly be all there, and he'd easily get around the... well, specifics of it all. The man whom you felt tugging at your heartstrings, even when you told yourself no.

It would not happen.

It could not happen.

You would not let it.

In typical, terrible luck fashion, you found yourself wandering the halls of Shiz late at night, unable to sleep. The thoughts racing through your head of so many things, not just him (although they kept leading back to the fool), they just weren't stopping.

An exam was to be held tomorrow. Perhaps you could create a distraction—keep the professors from being able to do as they needed. There were a box of fireworks hidden in one of the many corridor closets, kept for special occasion. You could whip a few of them out and create so much chaos that they'd surely have to cancel the exam!

You leaned against the railing, looking down at the stonework of Shiz's courtyard. A chill ran down your spine from the cold breeze, and for once, all was silent if only for a moment.

His voice brought you out from your thoughts.

"Y/n," he said, an obvious smile playing at his lips.

You squeezed your eyes shut and glanced back at him. Without saying a word, you acknowledged him.

"Doesn't look like your dorm," he continued. "What are you doing out here, all alone?"

"Thinking."

His eyebrow quirked. "Thinking? Oh," he softly hummed, coming to stand beside of you. "Well, that's no fun, now is it? What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

He snorted softly. "You're thinking about... nothing?"

"Whatever I'm thinking is none of your business," you retorted.

He stared you down for a moment, tilting his head curiously. He hummed again and looked out at where you had been staring moments prior.

"You are right," he softly said, voice much quieter this time. "Let me lead you back to your room. We have an exam tomorrow, remember? You at least need to pretend to sleep."

You paused. Since when did he care about exams? You glanced at him, fighting the urge to question him. You let out a soft sigh and shrugged, allowing him to lead you to your dorm.

The walk was quiet, and you almost questioned how he knew where your dorm was, but you didn't. He seemed to pay attention better than most (it was part of that aloofness, you've noticed), and it wasn't the first time he had seen you near your dorm.

It was at least the third. The number had to be easy to memorize by now. 133.

As you opened your door, Fiyero spoke. "You know, I've been thinking..."

"Dangerous thing for you, isn't it?" you quipped, not looking at him as you stepped inside.

He let out a soft chuckle. You amused him to no end.

"Yes, perhaps," he softly said. "But besides. I was still thinking. I've been... well, wondering if perhaps you would—"

"—no."

He blinked slowly. "What? No? Y/n, you didn't even hear what I had to say—"

"—the answer is still no," you said. You glanced up at him from the spot you had been staring at, frowning. "I don't know what this is, but we are not friends. Do not ask me for favors."

"Not friends, hm?" he softly hummed, leaning against the doorway as he locked eyes with you. So knowing your dorm number was just a fluke.

"Not friends. Now if you'll excuse me, I should probably go and pretend to sleep."

His upper lip quirked in a faint smirk. Not friends, but you still joked with him as a friend would do. He rolled his eyes and gave you a rather joking half-bow.

"Of course," he said. "Do not let me keep you up. Perhaps I should find my dorm as well."

"You should do that," you simply said, shutting the door right after.

You didn't give him a chance to say anything else, quickly locking the door and heading back to your bed.

Heart pounding, mind still racing, but not with the thoughts of earlier. No, dear reader, your mind raced with thoughts of him.

So impressionable, so—so kind, so—well, was he really kind?

To you.

He was kind to you.

Nearly a week passed you by. The exam went rather well, without any kind of distraction. Passing marks and a somewhat decent night sleep.

You do everything you can to try and avoid Fiyero. Running this way and that, going through all of the longer corridors instead of the shortcuts you knew by heart. You did everything you could to avoid his handsome face.

You did everything you could to avoid the vulnerability that plagued your heart every time you thought of him.

If you simply embraced the wants of Fiyero, perhaps not having a brain would keep you from thinking this way. You'd still have a heart, sure, but it was much better than keeping yourself on your toes wondering if you'd see the damned man at any passing second.

On the hour of the rising moon, almost exactly on the dot, Fiyero spotted you. And this time, you were not evading him.

He practically took off after you, leaving his friends behind. They scoffed and called after him, but he didn't look back. His focus was on you.

He grabbed onto your wrist as you went to leave, not letting you go.

"Y/n! There you are," he softly said. "I have been looking everywhere for you. I wouldn't have thought it would be so difficult to find you, but—"

"—there you go, thinking again," you blurted, unable to stop yourself. Your tongue was wagging faster than your brain was working.

He weakly smiled. "Yes. I know. How ironic, hm?"

You watched as he stared you down.

"Look," he softly began. "I truly—I do not know what I did to deserve you ignoring me at any which way, but I wish you would tell me why. What did I do, Y/n? I thought—well, I assumed that we were friends, but perhaps I was wrong. I find myself wrong quite often nowadays."

"I—well, Fiyero, I—" you paused. You squeezed your eyes shut and inhaled a deep breath. "I don't have friends."

He blinked slowly. "You don't have friends? What of the one girl you were with the other day? Milla?"

"I do not have friends," you repeated. "I have... acquaintances. People I do not get attached to."

"That is sad."

"What?"

He raised an eyebrow. It seemed like a commonality when he spoke with you. The staple eyebrow raise had to happen or else he wasn't really chatting with you.

"It is sad. Why wouldn't you want to get attached to people?"

"I don't want to have meaningless relationships," you said. You avoided saying, I don't want to have relationships at all. "Not everyone can be as friendly as you, Fiyero."

He rolled his eyes. "Friendly. Yes. I talk to people, but I would rather not have all the attention that I do."

"Oh, that's rich," you said, scoffing. "You play the popular little prince and then claim you do not want it? What is that, Fiyero?"

Fiyero pursed his lips. "It is just—this is not a conversation about me. I wanted to have an intervention for you since you seemed as though you were avoiding me every which way. Now. Just—"

"—an intervention? What? Please. You sound ridiculous."

"So do you!" he returned, hands to his hips like an older man scolding a child for something they broke. "You vex me, Y/n! You act as if you are interested in me, then run away hiding like a scared little pup. You act as if you are afraid to get close to anyone."

You stared at him, lips parted ever-so-slightly. But it was enough. You were done for.

He let out a curt laugh. "You are."

"What?"

"You are. Scared. I can see it in you. You listen to what I have to say, even when the others don't. I've made an effort to pay attention to you. To see what you—"

"—Fiyero, stop."

"Do not tell me to stop, Y/n," he said, voice low with conviction. "Not now. Not when I've finally figured you out. You are scared. But of what? Being close to someone? Having a friend?"

You frowned. "I am not scared—"

"—you look at me like if I were to touch you, you'd melt."

"That doesn't mean anything!"

"I can see it in your eyes, Y/n," he said, not looking away. He held eye contact with you and hoped that you would continue to do the same. "You—you're scared. To open your heart to the people around you."

You frowned, again. It was perpetual anymore. "And you're a sad man who dances and pretends everything is fine because Galinda said you looked pretty one day."

He blinked slowly, a smile quirking on his lips. "Maybe. But this—this isn't about me, Y/n. This is about you."

"What even is this? I didn't agree to have you psychoanalyze everything I've ever done."

"Neither did I, yet here we are," he said. "I've had a lot of time to think, to mull it over, and I know it. I know it now. You are scared. I don't know what happened to you. I don't know who hurt you in your past, or if something tragic happened to make you so cold inside, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being... with being vulnerable, Y/n. There's something... magical, even, about opening up to others."

"Oh, and you would know, wouldn't you?"

He frowned. "Y/n—"

"—no. Absolutely not. You do not get to sit there and ridicule me for not wanting to be close to people and then not take what I give you," you said. "You do not let anyone close to you. Sure, Galinda, but what does she know about you? Does she know how you half-ass everything? How you hardly even talk to your 'friends' and just let them float along with you like everything is fine and dandy? You're as sad as I am, if that's what you're trying to say. Don't try to fool yourself."

"I am not trying to fool myself," he softly said. "I am only trying to make it known that I see you. I see myself in you."

"Oh, that's rich," you said, scoffing. "The rich, popular boy sees himself in little ol' me. That's perfect."

"Y/n—"

"—no. Don't. Stop. Just. I don't want to talk to you anymore. We're not friends. We never were friends. Just leave me alone."

It's simple, but it shuts him down. And with that, you run from his side, rushing to hide away in your dorm.

You couldn't believe what you did. Blowing up at him instead of listening to what he had to say. He read you like the children's book your heart truly was—while everyone else focused on the words, he focused on the pictures. The minute details that seemed to pass by everyone's mind because the story was flowing far too quickly.

He saw the delicate brush strokes, the intricate colors, the pieces of you that the words did not show.

He knew you.

And it scared you.

Only you knew yourself. If anyone else were to know who you were, deep inside, well, that would be disastrous.

It couldn't happen.

You couldn't let it.

Fear.

Perhaps fear was the best way to describe the way you felt.

You sat by the edge of the lake in the forest just beyond Shiz's campus, fingers gently brushing against the water. The surface rippled, sending small waves to the end of the shore.

You were afraid.

Of what?

Of a man knowing you?

Of Fiyero knowing you better than even your family once knew you?

You sat there, thoughts racing through your mind. It was as if you couldn't avoid them anymore.

Days had passed since you blew up at Fiyero and ran. You couldn't avoid him forever, you knew that, but it seemed as if your thoughts believed the same.

Tears pricked at your eyes. The warm, salty tears began to fall before you could even try to stop them, and a soft sob bubbled at the back of your throat.

"Y/n?"

Shit.

You quickly wiped your tears away and looked back at him—at Fiyero. But your tears wouldn't stop. A soft sob rippled through you and you turned your head away.

Fiyero came to your side, kneeling down in the soft earth beside of you. He inwardly grimaced at the dirt, but he said nothing of it. He'd bathe in mud if it meant you would stop your tears.

He reached forward, gently placing a hand to your cheek. He turned your head to face him.

"Y/n," he softly said. "It's alright. You... you're alright."

Another sob.

He pulled you into his arms, and you let him. You didn't pull away, melting into his embrace as he said you would before. He pressed his chin to the top of your head, situating himself so he would be more comfortable near you.

He softly hummed a soft tune—you remembered it. The one thing he hummed quite often when you caught him alone, or trying to focus on his school work.

Dancing through life, skimming the surface... Life's more painless for the brainless.

He was just a sad boy with needs of his own, much like you were scared of being seen. Of being known.

Of being loved.

Oh. Oh, that's what it was.

It terrified you to no end.

Fiyero pressed a soft kiss to the top of your forehead, gently cupping your cheeks in his hands.

"What's got you so upset, love?" he softly asked, wiping your tears away gently with his thumbs.

You shook your head. "I... later," you mumbled. You leaned into his grasp, and you could have sworn you saw his eyes soften.

He released a soft, shaky sigh of his own, before he pulled you back into his arms. He'd hold you until the end of the world if that's what you needed him to do.

Being vulnerable—it was the one thing you had told yourself you would never do. Ever again. And here you were, letting this man hold you and practically lull you into a calmness you'd never felt before.

Is this what it felt like? To be... weak? To be... frail?

No.

Vulnerability... it didn't mean that.

It meant that you were... open. That you had managed to open your heart to a more... malleable form.

To be changed.

To find the one thing in life that you knew would keep you going for as long as it could.

To be vulnerable meant to be loved.

[stvrgxsm]

long nights, soft days | joel miller [1.2k]

joel comforts reader while she is on her period.

c: references to blood, periods.

beams of late-afternoon sunshine flowed in from the window, bathing the room in a buttery glow.

it wasn’t often that you allowed yourself to sleep in so much, but then again, last night had been… a lot. joel could get insatiable sometimes, and there were usually little to no warning signs. when he did get like that, you slept for far longer than normal.

but this time, when you tried to roll over, all you felt was warmth pooling between your legs. familiar and sticky, you instantly knew what was going on.

unfortunately, the end of the world didn’t mean the end of periods.

you clamped your legs shut and willed yourself to not feel the twinges of pain, both in your core and legs. one was biology. the other was joel.

speaking of joel… the room was empty, but judging by the angle of the sun, he should have been home already. you stilled and listened for a moment. sure enough, pots and pans clanging in the kitchen downstairs alerted you to his presence. 

a dull ache settled over your stomach, and you squeezed your eyes shut, groaning in pain. it didn’t even occur to you that ellie could still be home, or that she would hear you.

so when she burst into the room, you sat up in shock, your muscles cramping again. “woah. lady troubles?” she asked, hands up in a placating gesture.

“no– i mean, yes. can you just– can you help me to the bathroom?”

“yeah, of course. hold on, let me–” she ducked out of the bedroom, and a moment later, you heard her yell, “joel! she’s awake! can you bring up some pain meds?” then she was back, her arm looped under yours and wrapped around your back, supporting most of your weight. the two of you made an odd pair, hobbling to the bathroom.

your period had always been particularly bad. maybe if there were no infected, you would try to seek a diagnosis, but as it was, it hardly seemed important. there were more pressing issues to deal with. 

like your family. you’d been with joel and ellie for a good six months, and nothing felt better than being known by them. ellie had started bringing you the shiny bits of glass she encountered on her outings in jackson, and joel…

well, joel was your partner. in more ways than one. he supported you, he cared about you, and he bandaged your wounds. and he fucked you stupid with increasing frequency, but that’s beside the point. 

you took a seat on the lip of the bathtub and watched ellie gather some things she thought you might need. “do you prefer pads or tampons?”

“either. whatever. which do you have less of?”

she looked at you appraisingly. “i’ll just put both in here.”

“what are you making?”

“it’s a basket of period supply stuff. for you to keep next to you in bed.”

“oh. thank you, that’s– that’s really sweet of you.”

“yeah, of course.” she had to jump to reach the next item– chocolate from the top shelf. “i know how hard these are for you.”

before you could respond, joel had shouldered his way into the master bathroom. his eyes skipped over ellie completely and landed on you. his brow furrowed. “y’okay, hon?”

“she’s on her period.”

“ellie!” he scolded, the southern twang especially obvious in his distress.

“what? it’s true!”

a brief smile flashed across your face, but it was dimmed by another layer of pain settling on top of the first. joel noticed; he always did. 

“c’mon, honey. let’s get you to bed.” he reached for you with both arms, and you thought for a moment he was going to help you walk, like ellie had. but suddenly he was holding you against his chest, your arms wrapped around his neck.

“joel!”

ellie laughed from somewhere behind you.

“what?” he asked innocently.  

then he was laying you down on your bed gently, wincing with you at the change in position. “it’s okay, sweet thing, i’m so sorry.”

“do you have those pain meds?”

his eyes brightened with the reminder, and one of his hands went into his pocket to retrieve a small bottle of white pills. “ibuprofen,” he said, placing two of them into your open palm. 

“thank you.”

“of course.” he looked over the room for a moment, then back at you and the bed. “where’s your water?”

“i don’t– i don’t have any.”

you shrunk into the bed under his withering gaze. “baby. what did i tell you?”

“i have to take care of myself?”

“yes.” he heaved a long-suffering sigh, and you smiled up at him. “i’ll get you a glass. don’t dry-swallow those.”

you nodded, cradling them in your open palms reverently. he disappeared out the door, but you could still hear his footsteps on the stairs and in the kitchen. he had heavy footfalls; part of you thought you would be able to hear him even if he was outside. 

ellie brought the basket into your room. “okay, this has everything you might need. pads, tampons, a menstrual cup, chocolate, my heating pad, the works.” she rolled her eyes. “obviously joel keeps the pain-killers under lock and key. he’s so paranoid.” 

you shared a smile with her, and then she nodded sharply. “okay, i’m leaving. going to make dinner with tommy and maria. i won’t be back until later. will you guys be okay?”

“you know we’re supposed to be the parents here, right?”

but she was already out the door. “whatever,” she called behind her, laughing.

you weren’t alone for long. joel’s footsteps came up the stairs and into your room, and he carried with him a glass of water and a bowl. he set both down on your nightstand. “i made soup for you,” he explained.

“just now?” a smile played on your lips, pulling an eye-roll from him.

“no, silly girl, i was cooking this whole afternoon. while you were sleeping.”

“well, you did keep me up late.”

his brow furrowed. “is that why you’re feeling so bad? i mean i know you’re on your period, but is it made worse by that? i’m so sorry, sweet girl, let me make it up to you.”

he was already kneeling at the edge of the bed before you could even get a word out. “no, no, no, joel, it has nothing to do with that!! really. nothing at all.”

he eyed you warily. 

“i promise! it’s totally unrelated! please, just– can you just–”

“yes, sweet girl?”

fuck. “can you please just lay down with me?” it was almost embarrassing asking joel for anything soft. you knew he wasn’t a particularly gentle man. you were surprised he was even doing this for you.

his entire face softened. “oh, honey.” and then his shoes were off and he was under the covers, curled around you. he tucked his chin into your neck and inhaled deeply. 

you giggled. “what are you doing?”

he was quiet for a moment. “just thinking about you.” his hands came up to your stomach and began rubbing soft circles into the flesh there.

“what about me?”

he didn’t answer, and when you shifted in his arms to look back, his eyes were closed. but his grip tightened, and you allowed him to pull you closer, into his warmth. another smile danced along your lips. 

who needs a heating pad when you have joel miller?

[ranticore]

About the kid raised by harpies, we have a rough story to explain how they ended up there (it got a lot longer than I thought it would omg): A pen has her eggs stolen, she is able to see the man who steals them but he ends up escaping. This event causes her partner to completely lose faith in their king, believing she could do a better job, and she eventually turns into a king herself, defeating him and taking the pen as a tiercel. As the pen has always been very active, and could barely keep herself still in the tiercel nest at all, they make a deal: she will be allowed to patrol the areas around the eyrie, as long as she's never far enough to disappear from view, never hunts and immediately comes back at any signs of danger. One day, as she's observing a human caravan passing by, she sees a very familiar face… With him, a woman, and in her arms a baby, who they lovingly look at. She follows the caravan further and further, waiting, watching… when an opportunity arises, she snatches the child and flies away with it, back to the eyrie. Her king is incredibly worried when she's back, looking for any sign of injury. What happened? What were you thinking? What would I do if you- wait what is that She explains what happened, and argues that it's only fair that she keeps the human's child after he took hers. She wouldn't be doing anything vital anyways, as it would only take away her time and resources from the flock, but it would be a great distraction from her boredom, keeping her closer to the eyrie. Besides, what other flock has a human in its midst? What a novelty for him to show off! His flock is so prosperous that they can not only keep tiercels but also raise a being from a completely different species just for the fun of it! In the end, he gives in, letting his beloved keep her "hobby project". btw we've thought of calling the kid "Five Talons", since, well, five fingers and all (also it sounds cooler than Five Digits). The first name we came up with was "Stolen Goods" though, I really liked it but friend noticed that it sounded a bit mean dskmfd What do you think? :] I would appreciate some help with naming the pen and the king as well... I'm almost done drawing the first one, may I send you the drawing through a message?

Ahh so sorry it took me a while to get to this!! Yes of course you can dm me any time and I can help with the naming if you like

This story is so funny honestly I'm completely on board... I especially like the angle of "well look, isn't it kind of a flex to raise a human child as well as we're doing?" because that's really. That's just how they think all the time, you always have to be showing off it's just like the law.

Also I'm thinking of this sort of almost parent trap (?) type situation going on here where both stolen babies are sort of being raised in parallel in a sense, by parents who have had their true child stolen from them, so I wonder what types of experiences they may have in common (and whether they might ever be able to meet and bond over it? Like here's a sibling you never knew you had... or instead would they hold the other responsible for their own situation, the hurt of their parents, etc. Much to consider!!!).

Bearing in mind that a stolen harpy is likely not going to a very prestigious town flock, otherwise there'd be no need to resort to theft, it would likely be in more of a similar situation to the human kid than you'd think - raised entirely by a different species, lacking a 'role model' of a sort, potentially not even knowing that other harpies/humans exist, and thinking of themselves as perhaps uniquely weird (in either a positive OR negative sense, i could see both). The difference being that the baby harpy would be raised into servitude, and the baby human is being raised to show off. Both ways are dehumanising (or deharpyising?) in different directions, obviously one has it worse but being placed on a pedestal of your adoptive parent's rage and pain can't be fun either.

[whiteobsidian]

from cyra, to you

My struggle with LOA and how I overcame it.

During the summer (in 2020), around July I read a community post about the law of assumption, then I really did my research and had a better understanding of the law of assumption. It was quite fun and painful, I would read the same posts just to get reassurance that what I was doing was “correct”. Growing up with only listening to instructions made it a bit difficult to transition from the law of attraction to assumption. Though the law of attraction didn’t do  me any good.

When I got into the law of attraction in (last) december it was like a miracle had happened and I could change anything I “disliked” all by listening to some music online. I discovered those videos by accident, and I don’t regret it but I do regret abusing it and myself.  During quarantine + online school I was probably at my lowest point in life, I was depressed and scared and my anxiety had turned severe, especially as a black person during this period. I had also gained weight and my acne was worse than ever, In conclusion : I was insecure. Using subliminals was my escape from that, being so desperate to fit into today's beauty standards , I wasn’t doing myself any justice, I would get angry at the 3d for not showing what I wanted to see. I drank 2 liters of water a day, why wasn’t I getting results? I listened at low volume, why wasn’t I getting results? This mindset did change…. well kinda.

As I wrote earlier, I read a community tab from one of my favorite submarkes talking about how they used the law of assumption to manifest. I was obviously confused, I didn’t even know there were different laws/ ways to manifest. This got me into watching Hyler and Sammy Ingrams videos for a whole day straight. I was fascinated to say the least, and I was even more excited learning that visualization can also help you manifest, since I am a big day dreamer. A few weeks later, I had an instagram account and followed lots of coaches and accounts. I was doing self concept challenges and abundance challenges. I had manifested a lot of new things (clothes, macbook, food) but I wanted something more, something I saw as “BIG”. You might've already guessed : appearance changes.

I didn’t want to change for me, I wanted to change so I would be treated differently, that I would have a better life with prettiness. I had a ugly mindset and this ugly mindset told me I was ugly, I never really thought I was an ugly person before and I'm questioning why I ever thought I was in the first place, I had completely changed and it scared me, I was desperate. I would get mad when I didn't see what i wanted, this led me to repeating the old story over and over again. It took me longer than I expected to get my appearance changed because I had doubts. The 3d is a reflection, a movie of your thoughts. All I needed to do was to change my mindset on how I saw myself. 

Self Concept

Self concept changed my whole view on manifesting and honestly myself.  Your self concept is how you see yourself, how others treat you, how you see the world etc etc, for example if you believe that men or women treat you badly then it's going to reflect your reality. I had a lot of old  thoughts and assumptions that would mold into the 3d. Remember that no one is going to manifest for you, you have to do this yourself, know you are powerful, beautiful, and smart. Nobody can change these beliefs you have set in your mind except you. You need to work on yourself. 

Techniques and Methods

i’m going to put this out now, you DON'T need to do any methods or techniques to get “faster results” do whatever makes you feel comfortable, if you're new to the law of assumption feel free to try any techniques you're interested in, just don’t be pressured to. It's not mandatory to do all this extra stuff, unless you really want to. 

Timing

I know that all of us want our results to come quick, instant even and it is possible, but only unless you truly believe that. Know that your affirming is going to work and that your results are already there, if you are affirming for quick instant results, know that you will get quick and instant results. You don't necessarily have to believe in your affirmation, you just need to believe that what your doing is going to work. If you've been affirming and listening to subliminals for months and you're still “not” getting results it's not the 3d, it's you. 

Why?

You can manifest anything you want, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise but question yourself, why? Especially if it's an appearance change, I hope you're manifesting an appearance change because you're doing it for YOU. Not for validation, or to actually “feel” pretty. You are a powerful being, don't let others determine your self worth or determine who you are. 

Apply

Manifesting is simple, especially in the law of assumption, all you need to do is affirm, persist, and know.

Affirm for what you want 

Persist in that thought over and over

Know that your thought will materialize into the 3d no matter what

STOP over consuming info online, I don’t care if a loa creator posted, I bet you already know what it's about by the title. Stop going on instagram and tumblr just to read things you already know, if you're really that impulsive then delete the apps! Don’t waste all your time for reassurance to see what you're doing is right. There is no right or wrong, just manifest.

Have fun!

Have fun when manifesting, don’t make it seem like it is a chore or it's that pile of homework that's sitting around in your room. Think about it, you can manifest your dream life by just thinking, I want you all to have fun when manifesting, enjoy it! Know that you have everything you want all just by assuming!

Remember, you’re one of a kind <3

with all my love, 

xoxo cyra, 111 222

ps. I did manifest an appearance change (and everything else I wanted), all by working on myself! :)

[whizzing-fizzbee]

Numb Without You

Sebastian Sallow x Reader (Female MC)

Rating: Mature 18+ (explicit sex, smut, language, mild violence)

Summary: Sebastian Sallow, who happens to be your boyfriend, becomes irate when you agree to be Leander Prewett's dueling partner in Crossed Wands. He tries his best to punish you, but lust has a way of softening even the sharpest tempers.

Notes: Just a ramble-y little one-shot songfic thing that ended up being a lot longer than I'd planned. Not sure I like this but so it goes. Characters are 18 and in their seventh year. Gets smutty so minors DNI.

This was inspired by the song "Numb Without You" by The Maine. Lyrics are italicized and I obviously don't own them. (Is use of lyrics in stories annoying? Do they add anything? Do you skim past them? I'm curious to know your thoughts.)

Read on AO3 or below the cut.

Sebastian Sallow gnawed at the inside of his cheek.

It was his only defense against himself and the overwhelming urge to commit an act so violent, he’d surely be expelled. He chewed at the soft flesh, stewing in his fury until Lucan Brattleby took notice of him.

“Ah, Sebastian!” Lucan said cheerily, clearly naive to Sebastian’s simmering fury. “You made it. We were wondering where you were. Wouldn’t be like you to miss Crossed Wands.”

Sebastian tore his eyes from the source of his anger to briefly gaze down at Lucan. “Got held up in Potions,” he said tersely. 

Stupid Potions. Professor Sharp made him remain after class until he could perfect his powdering technique for asphodel root. The process made Sebastian 20 minutes late for Crossed Wands, and though the day’s duels weren’t part of an official tournament, he was eager to get some practice in.

Life had finally returned to some semblance of normalcy for Sebastian. After his tumultuous fifth year, he dedicated his entire sixth year to focusing on his studies and making amends so that he could spend his seventh year preparing for life after Hogwarts.

Anne had left Feldcroft to live with a family friend in Edinburgh. She threatened to turn Sebastian in for their uncle’s murder if he didn’t agree to drop his pursuit for a cure for her curse. Sebastian, no longer driven by the dark magic of the relic, reluctantly agreed. But Anne was at least returning his owls, even if she hadn’t seen him since that fateful day in the Feldcroft catacomb.

Ominis was also hesitant to come around. The decision to protect Sebastian rather than turn him in weighed greatly on him for much of their sixth year, but before the year ended, he found himself returning to the Undercroft to catch up with Sebastian and repair their severed relationship.

Then there was you. You backed Sebastian without a second thought after Solomon’s death. Your loyalty to him developed long before you even realized you loved him. 

You aren’t sure where that devotion came from, considering Sebastian had dragged you through Hell and back. He was cruel and stubborn with you at times, put your life in danger on numerous occasions, and then put his future unfairly in your hands with his biggest kept secret.

But as the two of you stood in the Undercroft one day, shouting your frustrations at one another, you accused him of using you the entire time. You told him he’d only befriended you when he realized you had powers and skills that could help Anne. Then you accused him of only pretending to care about you because you knew the truth about Solomon. But when you turned to leave, he begged you to stay.

“I’ve never used you,” he said, his voice dipping to something much lower and softer than you’d heard from him. “I need you.”

So you stayed and you watched Sebastian Sallow shift from a teenage boy misguided by dark magic to a man who hated himself and the choices that changed him. 

He opened up to you that day, spilling every anguished thought and insecurity he had – his regrets, his fears, his entire self-worth. And you hugged him and assured him that everything would turn out OK. Then you promised you’d never leave him.

Since that day, he’d more than held you to that promise. He clung to it like it was his lifeline – the final, fragile thread holding him together.

Without Ominis and Anne to lean on, you became Sebastian’s world. It all became clear during the summer before your seventh year, which you spent together in Feldcroft. 

The two of you worked to fix up the Sallow family home, which now belonged to Sebastian. You teased him, telling him it was time for him to start a family to fill the cottage. You joked and laughed about the notion that Sebastian could someday be a father. And then he retorted that he’d need a wife first, and the way he gazed at you made it clear he already had a candidate in mind.

And so, your romantic relationship with Sebastian started that day, in the quiet confines of his cottage. Someday, it would also be yours.

You returned to Hogwarts for your seventh year as a couple, to absolutely no one’s surprise. Even Professor Weasley said, “It was about time,” when she discovered the two of you locking lips in a quiet corner beneath a staircase.

So you and Sebastian transformed from best friends to lovers, Hogwarts’ hot new couple. That was three months ago, so by now, everyone knew they’d be better off wandering into a pond of dugbogs than trying to romance you. If you didn’t hex them for crossing boundaries, Sebastian surely would – or worse. 

That’s why Sebastian was currently seeing red.

His tardiness to the day’s Crossed Wands session forced you to find a new partner. You didn’t want to duel alongside anyone else. You and Sebastian had cemented yourselves as the king and queen of Crossed Wands, unbeaten since the day you started. 

You loved dueling together. Perhaps it was nostalgic in some ways, a reminder of the early stages of your friendship when you were fighting Ranrok’s loyalists, but it was also symbolic of your relationship – the two of you worked so well together, always in sync and never fearful of your opponents.

But Leander Prewett noticed Sebastian’s absence and pounced at the opportunity to call you his partner, even just for an afternoon.

You didn’t read much into it, but when Leander suggested the two of you hang out at the Three Broomsticks later on, you wondered if the Gryffindor was being far too brave for his own good.

Still, you agreed to duel together and the two of you made quick work of your first two pairs of opponents (though Leander was mediocre at best). 

You were too preoccupied to notice Sebastian’s arrival midway through your second duel, so you didn’t see the way he stared at you and Leander.

He clenched his jaw so hard it was a wonder his teeth didn’t crack. And as you shoved your way in front of Leander to protect him with a perfectly timed Protego spell with Sebastian looking on, you and Leander would have been safer in an acromantula’s nest. 

The noise inside the clock tower became a background hum as Sebastian dissociated, a surge of panic and rage ballooning inside his chest. He could hear Lucan speaking in his ear but didn’t register the words. Spells clanged off of wood crates and ricocheted off the stone walls but he took no notice.

The only time he tore his eyes from you was to turn to Lucan.

”I get next round,” Sebastian said quietly. It wasn’t a request.

Lucan looked up at him in surprise. “Do you have a partner?”

”I don’t need one.”

Lucan lit up in excitement, clearly oblivious to the repository of rage that had formed in Sebastian’s brain. “Wicked,” he said with a nod.

You always joked that jealousy didn’t look good on Sebastian, but truthfully, it did. His eyes darkened and he became focused. You loved the way he looked when he was brooding. So when Lucan announced the next round and Sebastian emerged from the top step of the clock tower entrance, you inhaled sharply.

That old adage, “If looks could kill” buzzed in your brain. And poor Leander was as good as dead.

“Sebastian!” you said, relieved to see him, yet terrified for what was likely about to happen. “You made it!”

But your expression quickly contorted into concern when you saw his face.

You knew that look. And it terrified you, because you’d only seen it on select occasions. Only when Sebastian was borderline manic.

You’d seen Sebastian’s jealousy manifest plenty of times, the worst being the way he damn near demolished a man for flirting with you during a visit to Irondale. You knew he thought Leander was a prat and that he’d be annoyed you agreed to partner with him, but you had hoped the two of you would be able to laugh about it later. 

You should have known better. Sebastian could be playful, but he didn’t play when it came to you.

Let's get this straight. You are a panic in the bloodstream, yet you bring me peace. You are a stutter in the heart that beats inside of me.

As the students who were crowded inside the clock tower realized what was about to happen, the air inside the room became heavy and tense. The crowd collectively stepped back, melting to the stone walls to make room.

“Sebastian, are you all right?” you asked, your eyes begging him to understand it was all in good fun. You’d never actually betray him. 

You loved him.

But Sebastian wasn’t looking at you anyway. He was glaring knives into Leander, who didn’t seem to understand he was nearing his own execution.

You are my last, you are my first. You kill me for the better. You are the rising tide. You're every fucking thing inside me now.

”Sebastian, relax,” you said in a reasoning tone, silently praying your soothing voice might relieve his ire. “It’s just a meaningless duel. Let’s have fun with it.”

Sebastian’s gaze finally shifted to you. It softened a bit, but there was still a blackness in his eyes that made you nervous.

You knew he’d never really hurt you. Not again, not after the scriptorium. He’d die before he allowed that. The two of you dueled each other all the time, countless hours in the Undercroft casting Confringo at one another. He’d never pushed too far or risked anything that could genuinely hurt you. You’d be safe because Sebastian loved you far too much to hurt you — and because he knew you’d put up too good of a fight anyway.

But for as much as Sebastian loved and cherished you, his Achilles had become the notion that anyone else could ever be permitted to do the same. 

You are the violence in my veins. You are the war inside my brain. You are my glitter and my gloom. I am so numb without you.

“Of course, love,” he said steadily as he slid his wand from his pocket. And you knew that his quiet, calm demeanor indicated a brutal battle was to come.

As soon as Lucan signaled the start of the duel, Sebastian fired a fury of offensive spells at Leander, one after another in rapid succession. You knew they were coming, but you could only do so much.

“Protego!” you cried as you shielded your partner, your bubble deflecting Sebastian’s onslaught.

That only seemed to irk Sebastian more as he sent a stinging hex your way. You dodged it and Leander chuckled. He still didn’t seem to fully grasp his predicament. 

“Is that all you’ve got?” he teased Sebastian. 

“Leander,” you hissed in aggravation. 

A basic cast whizzed past your ear and you flinched, dropping your shield charm. You straightened and hit Sebastian with Depulso, buying yourself some time.

“Leander,” you said again, your tone much more urgent as you willed your partner to take things seriously. “Focus.”

Leander snorted and used the opportunity to cast Diffindo. You winced as the spell largely missed, but just managed to nick Sebastian’s side. Blood began to seep through his white shirt but you knew better than to stop, especially when you noticed how your boyfriend’s eyes blazed.

“Sebastian, enough,” you tried to say firmly as Leander cast Incendio to put some distance between himself and Sebastian. But the only thing that burned hotter than the ring of fire was Sebastian’s temper.

“Aguamenti,” he mumbled to douse the flames with water. His eyes met yours momentarily and he smirked – that signature smirk that typically rendered you weak in the knees. But this time, you sensed danger.

“Sebastian, it’s just you and me,” you said, praying your words would land with him.

Sebastian nodded as your eyes locked. You begged him with your gaze to understand, and he did.

You and me. Those words had become your mantra over the past three years. You and Sebastian would whisper them to one another before raiding bandit camps, fighting Ashwinders and solving sinister puzzles. But you also spoke them in your intimate moments, when it was just the two of you savoring each other’s company. 

Something about that phrase comforted the two of you. You knew it had reassured Sebastian, but you also knew he was far too impish to simply stop the duel.

“Alarte Ascendare!” 

Sebastian’s spell sent Leander flying backward again. Leander coughed and sputtered. The way he grimaced confirmed he’d likely cracked a rib or two. It also confirmed that a slew of spells was likely to come, because that was Sebastian’s signature move – blast his enemy backward before unleashing a storm of offensive spells on them.

“Leander, look out!” you managed, but it was too late.

Sebastian levitated Leander and hit him with a Confringo and Bombarda spell combination powerful enough to rattle the entire room. Leander was blasted backward, the force sending him crashing into a pile of crates while Sebastian watched his handiwork with smug satisfaction.

“Sebastian!” you scolded. “You could have seriously hurt him!”

“And?”

You huffed in annoyance as you ran to check on Leander, dropping your wand in the process. That was your final mistake. 

As you bent down to see if Leander had any visible injuries, you were suddenly levitated off your feet.

“Sebastian Oliver Sallow, you put me down!” you demanded, your legs kicking wildly in the air. 

“Or what?” Sebastian challenged, his eyes glinting with mischief.

“Fight’s over, you won!”

Sebastian flicked his wand and you floated toward him swiftly, still flailing in aggravation at his antics. He held steady, hovering you above him, higher and higher until your feet dangled well above his head. He smirked and you could feel him peering up your skirt.

“You fucking troll,” you hissed.

Sebastian laughed.

Meanwhile, the crowd had been tending to Leander, who at least managed to sit upright. A group of students helped him to his feet to support him to the hospital wing, but Sebastian paid no mind.

“All right, that’s enough for today,” you heard Lucan declare. “See you all next week.”

Students began to file out of the clock tower for dinner, but a few of your curious friends held back, lingering to see the outcome of your lovers’ quarrel.

“Sebastian, put her down,” Poppy laughed, though you noticed the edge in her tone. “Duel’s over.”

Natty also sensed there was more to it. “Are you alright?” she asked. You weren’t entirely sure if she was addressing you or Sebastian but you didn’t want her to worry.

“We’re fine,” you sighed, still lingering in the air. You rolled your eyes to emphasize your point, that you and your boyfriend were just having fun. Your friends didn’t need to know that you had likely just saved Leander from devastating injury. They did know that you and Sebastian were prone to silly little spats like this, and though they didn’t quite understand your relationship, they knew you always seemed to handle it well.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like a word alone with my dearly beloved,” Sebastian said, smirking at you. 

“You two are something else,” Natty sighed while Poppy giggled. “See you at dinner.”

You waved goodbye and watched them leave the clock tower, your feet swaying gently as you remained suspended mid-air. Once they were out of earshot, you glowered at Sebastian.

“OK, you proved your point,” you sneered. “Now put me down.”

Sebastian merely chuckled. He twirled his wand for emphasis, causing you to also twirl, which made him laugh more.

He was enjoying this far too much and you were struggling with the fact you had little control over the situation.

“Not until it’s very clear to me that you understand what you’ve done wrong.” He flicked his wand again, sending you darting across the room with a swish. “And that you understand there are consequences to your actions.”

“It was just a harmless duel, Sebastian. You weren’t here and Leander asked to be my partner. You know it didn’t mean anything. And you made your point clear to everyone else.”

“Maybe it didn’t mean anything to you,” Sebastian noted. “But I bet Prewett loved it. He’s carried a torch for you since fifth year.”

“So? Even if he has, it’s a moot point.” 

“ I know that ,” Sebastian said, waving his wand for emphasis. The movements caused you to dip sharply before you were jerked upward again, dangling about six feet off the ground. “But he needed to know.”

“So then why are you punishing me?”

Sebastian grinned. “Because I can.” You heaved a defeated sigh and Sebastian approached you, his eyes fixated on yours. “Promise me you won’t do it again.”

“I promise.”

“And promise me you won’t partner with anyone else again.”

“I promise.”

Sebastian flicked his wand and you gasped as you were tipped upside down, your hair spilling downward and the hem of your skirt slipping from your knees, past your chest.

“Sebastian!” you squawked as you grabbed for your skirt hem, trying to cover yourself.

“Relax, love,” Sebastian said, his voice silky as he circled beneath you. You felt like bait, dangled inches above a hungry shark. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“I know that,” you huffed. “But anyone else could come walking through.”

He flicked his wand and you levitated lower, still upside-down, until he could reach you, his face inches from yours. He smelled warm and earthy, like sandalwood and spices. 

“You’re awfully attractive when you’re vulnerable,” he teased in your ear. He reached upward, his fingers gently touching the top button of your blouse. You held your breath as he popped open the first button, then the second, exposing your chest. The air inside the clock tower felt cool against your skin, but you felt distressingly hot.

Sebastian was quick to notice that you hadn’t bothered to squirm or swat his hands away. He knew you too well. You liked when he was possessive over you.

Let's get this straight. You are a fever in the cold, yet I'm not shivering.  You are a shudder in the voice that screams inside of me.

“But you do need to be taught a lesson,” Sebastian continued. He leaned forward to plant a kiss on your upside-down lips before his mouth found your neck.

You inhaled sharply as the blood continued to rush to your head. Sebastian gently nuzzled against your collarbone until you could feel him smirking against your skin.

“You feel hot,” he murmured against you.

“Probably because you damn near set Leander on fire,” you retorted. You could still hear one of the wood crates crackling in the corner.

“He deserved it,” Sebastian mumbled before his lips found yours again. When he pulled away, you could feel his eyes slink upward to your chest. He pressed a trail of kisses from the corner of your lips, up your neck and between your breasts.

Your breath hitched and you wondered if you were going to pass out. Sebastian already knew how to rob you of all sensibilities, but the blood in your brain induced a haze that clouded all of your inhibitions. 

You are my last, you are my first. You kill me for the better. You are the rising tide. You're every fucking thing inside me now.

You could feel him smirking against your chest until he pulled away, stepping back to set you upright with a swish of his wand.

“Put me down,” you said firmly, hoping you sounded more authoritative than you felt. In truth, you felt completely submissive. 

“Fine,” Sebastian sighed. He could be cruel, but he’d never force you to expose yourself to half of Hogwarts. That was all meant for him and only him anyway. That was the entire point of all this.

Sebastian held his wand out, steadily lowering you until you were a foot from the ground. As soon as you assumed you were about to reunite with the stone floor, he caught your gaze and grinned.

Another quick flick of his wand sent you swooshing toward a pile of untouched crates stacked away in the corner. You squealed in surprise until you were gently lowered slowly to a seated position on top of one. Sebastian tread casually toward you, one hand still clutching his wand as the clack of his footsteps echoed throughout the clock tower. 

“Bastard,” you sneered as he reached you.

“Now, now, love,” he cooed as he stepped closer, using a knee to nudge his way between your legs. “Don’t be mad. You’re the one who betrayed me, after all.”

“I’d hardly consider that a betrayal,” you chided. “Prewett’s about as useful as a Flobberworm. I would’ve been better off dueling on my own.”

“Glad you learned your lesson,” Sebastian mumbled as his arms snaked their way around your waist. “Now you get to make it up to me.”

“If I make it up to you, will you apologize to Prewett?”

”Absolutely not.”

”Sebastian…”

Sebastian sighed as he drew back to meet your gaze. “Why should I apologize?” he demanded. “He was the one moving in on my girlfriend.”

”Oh, please. Even if he was, it wouldn’t matter and you know that.”

”But it’s the principal,” Sebastian drawled. “He should know better. Everyone knows you’re mine.”

You are the violence in my veins. You are the war inside my brain. You are my glitter and my gloom. I am so numb without you.

Perhaps Sebastian was a bit possessive when it came to you. Attention from others made his blood boil and he was always quick to challenge them. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you — you’d proven your loyalty to him long ago, but his fear of losing you often made him irrational. He’d already lost so many people close to him, you couldn’t help but give him some grace when he tried to cling too tightly to you.

”So maybe Prewett was just trying to test his luck. Or maybe he’s lost what few brain cells he had,” you said. “The point is, you’ve nothing to worry about. I’m sitting here with you, not him.”

”Too right you are,” Sebastian smirked. He inched closer and leaned in to kiss you in that slow way that made your stomach somersault. But as he kissed you, you quickly pulled away as you noticed the feeling of something trickling over your hand.

“Sebastian!” you gasped as you realized your hand was covered in blood. “You’re still bleeding.”

Sebastian sighed, clearly annoyed that your concern for his injury was outweighing your desire. “I’m fine,” he huffed. 

“You’re hurt,” you said sternly, eyeing his side. Blood had started to seep through his white shirt, which was ripped from Leander’s Diffindo spell.

“I’m fine,” Sebastian repeated. “And I refuse to allow the results of Prewett’s ignorance to distract my girlfriend any longer.”

“At least drink a Wiggenweld,” you ordered. 

“Fine,” Sebastian sighed. He turned on his heel and you watched as he crossed the clock tower to the storage chest equipped with various potions and first aid items. You leaned back on your hands, your feet dangling from the edge of the crate as you could hear Sebastian rummaging through the chest. “Ah, one Wiggenweld,” you heard him say before he paused to down the potion. A tiny clink suggested he tossed the vial aside before returning to you.

As he crossed the room again, you swallowed as he unbuttoned his shirt while he walked, slowly peeling it away until it fell to the floor in a heap. He smirked as you shifted atop the crate, the flickering lights dancing over his body to cast shadows on the stone walls.

“Now, where were we?” Sebastian said smoothly. He returned to his standing position between your legs, placing one hand on either side of you as he leaned forward.

Your eyes fell to the slash beneath his ribcage and you frowned. “At least let me do a quick healing spell,” you begged.

“I’m fine,” Sebastian insisted. But as you reached your fingers toward his wound, he inhaled sharply and you shot him a stern look.

“I’m not letting you touch me until it’s healed,” you said.

Sebastian groaned in annoyance. “Fine,” he huffed as he straightened up, turning his body so that the gash faced you. “Have at it, love.”

“Thank you. My wand, please?”

“Oh yes, that,” Sebastian said, offering you a smirk. “Forgot I still had that.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Sebastian chuckled at your remark and brandished your wand from his back pocket. “Here you are, princess.”

You glowered at him and pointed your wand at his wound. “Vulnera Sanentur,” you murmured. The gash immediately stopped bleeding and the skin seemed to fuse back together, leaving a red scar that looked tender and raw. “That’s better. Not fully healed, but better.”

“Good,” Sebastian said, plucking your wand from your hand and tossing it to the side. It clattered on the stone and rolled until you could no longer see or hear it. “Now, where were we?”

“Sebastian, we really should be getting to dinner,” you said weakly. Sebastian grinned. He was clearly amused by how pitiful and unconvincing you sounded.

“I’m not hungry,” he said. “At least not for dinner.”

Maybe it was his tousled hair. Maybe it was the signature smirk that never seemed to leave his lips. Maybe it was the way he had fought for you in such an unflinching manner. Or maybe, most certainly, it was the way the low light caught his toned arms and torso, his new scar a symbol of the lengths he was willing to go for you.

Whatever it was, it commanded control over you and you had no desire to fight it. You never did. 

I won't leave, no, I won't surrender. I'll wait 'til the end of, the end of time. You are my glitter and my gloom. I am so numb without you.

Instead, you let Sebastian lean down to kiss you, his hands grabbing your face. It wasn’t long before he fully closed the gap between you, standing pressed against your body while his teeth grazed your bottom lip.

Your hands roamed from his sides, over that new scar, up his chest until they snaked around his neck. Your legs mimicked your arms as they wrapped Sebastian’s frame.

“I do have to admit,” Sebastian murmured against your neck. “You do look pretty fucking gorgeous when you’re dueling.”

“You’ve just now figured that out?” you retorted. You could feel Sebastian smile into your skin.

“Of course not. You always look bloody gorgeous. It’s just particularly alluring when you happen to be surrounded by fire.”

“Noted,” you murmured. “Though that doesn’t mean you can cast Confringo every time you’re aroused.”

“You’re no fun.”

The two of you shared a quiet laugh before Sebastian’s hands found their way beneath the hem of your skirt. You felt the pads of his fingers gently skimming the tops of your thighs until they found your hips.

The longer he kissed you, the more the bulge in his pants prodded your inner thigh in earnest. The feeling of Sebastian’s desire for you fueled your own, igniting the familiar beckoning between your legs that made you shift closer to the edge of the crate. 

Sensing your urgency, Sebastian pulled away just enough to smirk at you. “Now now,” he mused. “If I had to endure the absolute torture that was watching you duel with Prewett, you should have to exercise a little patience yourself.”

You should’ve known you weren’t getting off the hook that easily. It was never that easy with Sebastian.

His eyes fell to your chest, where the top two buttons remained open. He reached for the third, then the fourth and downward, his fingers lingering as they took their time with each one.

With your shirt hanging open, Sebastian reached for your hair with one hand, balling it within his fist as he kissed you hard. The other hand snaked its way over your breasts to your left shoulder, tugging your shirt sleeve off. He released your hair to remove your other sleeve, leaving you bare above the waist.

Sebastian took a moment to admire you – he always did. He had a way of ensuring you felt like you were the only other person on Earth, like your physique alone kept his veins open and his heart pumping.

Once his eyes were done drinking in your body, he reached for one of your breasts, his palm cupping you while his fingers gently squeezed. His thumb traced circles over your nipple until his mouth replaced his hand.

You sucked in a sharp breath as you felt his tongue flicker across your skin. You wanted his tongue everywhere but if you asked for it, he’d surely continue to tease you with it.

Instead, you felt one of his hands creep back under your skirt, resting atop your thigh again. He gave your leg a gentle squeeze and you shifted, parting your legs to invite him in. His fingers hooked around the waist of your panties, so you lifted your hips to help him remove them. 

His fingers traced gentle lines over your entrance and you bucked your hips, your silent way of begging for more. Your body was aching to feel any part of him inside of you, but he merely flashed you a smirk and left his fingers trailing outside of your folds.

A whimper escaped your lips as he kissed you again and you just knew he was thriving off of your impatience. He kissed you in ways that left you at a loss for thought, void of all composure as his fingers drew enticing circles around your cunt.

“Sebastian, please,” you whined, rocking forward in desperation to relieve the scorching tension swelling in your core. He barked a laugh.

“It’s sexy when you beg like that,” he chuckled. He dipped his head to kiss your neck, nipping gently at the skin before his lips pressed a trail of kisses between your breasts and across your stomach. Bent over your body, Sebastian lowered himself to place a kiss atop your knee until he started a new trail beneath your skirt, creeping closer to your core until…

He straightened up again, standing tall as he flashed a sinister grin that nearly made you scream in frustration.

You hated the waiting game. Especially when it was getting dark and dinner would be over soon. Especially as the space between your thighs had become so sensitive, so wet, you nearly moaned at the slightest shift in weight. Especially when you knew how fucking good it would feel when you finally engulfed every inch of Sebastian’s length.

But perhaps there was a way to speed things up. You were a smart girl and Sebastian was merely an 18-year-old man. Surely you could find a quicker way to achieve your goal of convincing the bastard to hurry up and fuck you until you gasped his name and saw constellations undetected by any telescope.

So before Sebastian could tease you with that stupid fucking tongue any further, you reached for his belt, unbuckling it with expert rigor. 

“Awfully eager, aren’t we?” he teased. But instead of indulging his cruel banter, you indulged yourself by tugging his trousers down, reaching for the one thing you knew would gain back your control.

Sebastian hissed the moment he felt your fingers wrap around him. And though he loomed over you, gazing down at you with heavy eyes, you had regained control. 

You wrapped your lips around him and he groaned, his head tilting backward and his eyes falling shut as he focused on the sensation. This time it was your turn to tease with your tongue and Sebastian silently praised you for it.

You typically took your time when it came to this task. You enjoyed the empowering feeling of reducing Sebastian to whimpers and moans. But the prolonged build-up – the tension from the duel, the jealousy Sebastian couldn't quell, the way he kissed you like he relied on your breath for his own oxygen, had you wound so tight you were certain your insides had contorted into knots.

So you quickened your pace for a bit before allowing your tongue to flicker across Sebastian’s tip as his fist grasped your hair into a tangled mess.

“So fucking good,” he mumbled toward the ceiling.

His tip hit the back of your throat and your head bobbed as you took him in. The way he groaned, the way his nails dug into your scalp, you knew he’d returned to his rightful place – wrapped around your finger, even if you were presently wrapped around him.

You also knew he would never leave you hanging. He wouldn’t finish until you did, which meant you just had to tantalize him a little more, until his patience crumbled. A few more flicks of your tongue should do it…

With a sharp tug of your hair, Sebastian pulled himself from your mouth, his teasing ways now forgotten.

“Come here,” he growled.

You straightened to sit upright and before you could say a word, Sebastian grabbed your legs and yanked you to the edge of the crate. The hem of your skirt was shoved upward and Sebastian was prying your legs apart in haste.

You ran your tongue across your bottom lip as you realized you’d earned what you wanted. Finally . 

As Sebastian guided himself into you, you realized you’d been holding your breath. It escaped your lips in the form of a soft moan while Sebastian mumbled a curse at the sensation of your heat enclosing around him.

“You’re so wet,” he growled as you stretched around his length.

“Your fault for punishing me,” you murmured.

“And I’d do it again.”

Your banter subsided as the quiet corner soon echoed with the sounds of heavy breathing and skin whipping against skin. Sebastian’s rhythm was quick, yet steady while you silently thanked the gods, the fates, and every other spiritual being for causing you to cross paths with Sebastian Sallow.

Though you’d had Sebastian dozens of times before, there were no words to describe how fucking blissful it always felt.

“Fuck,” was all you could manage.

Your arms were draped around Sebastian, your fingers pressing sharply into his shoulder blades as he pumped into you with more force. Your nails gripped at his flesh and he clenched his jaw at the sting.

“Harder,” you breathed and Sebastian obliged. His hands gripped your hips harder as he worked. No more punishments. No more games. Now he merely wanted you to come undone for him.

And then you did. Your breath hitched in your throat and you managed to sputter Sebastian’s name just as your orgasm began. It pulsed through you and you cried out as your walls clenched around him, compelling him to fuck you harder, to ensure you were good and finished.

When your high subsided, Sebastian paused to kiss you forcefully, reminding you he was the one responsible for it. Your thighs glistened in the low light and Sebastian’s gaze drifted to the spot where the two of you were connected as he steadied his pace again.

He reached up to tug your hair, your head snapping backward so that you’d look him in the eyes. He pulled just hard enough so that your eyes began to water, and he smiled at you.

”Having fun?” he cooed.

”Yes,” you panted. 

“You’re lucky I was in a forgiving mood today.”

So lucky. You’d survived a goblin rebellion, vengeful poachers and bloodthirsty creatures. You’d been born with a rare gift, a powerful magic that most couldn’t even begin to fathom. But your luckiest moment in life was the day it led you to Sebastian Sallow.

Sebastian reached down to press his fingertips against your clit and your gasp echoed throughout the clock tower. Anyone passing by would surely catch on to the debauchery happening inside, but you trusted that Sebastian would hex anyone who threatened to ruin the occasion.

His fingers dragged their way across you, beckoning you to lose yourself for him again. The crate beneath you creaked as you rocked your hips to increase the friction wrapped around Sebastian’s cock, desperate to ride one more wave of ecstasy. As it started, you squeezed yourself around Sebastian, eliciting a sharp grunt from him.

The sound that left your lips was damn near guttural but you were too euphoric to care. Sebastian’s cock pounded that soft spot of flesh that made your thighs shake and your cunt flood around him.

It was too much for Sebastian’s restraint and soon he was also spilling himself, filling more than your body could take. As his own orgasm subsided, the sounds of your panting quickly replaced the sounds of your sins.

Sebastian rested his head on your shoulder as you caught your breaths and the room returned to sharp focus. Though you were hot, your hair plastered to your forehead, you suddenly became very aware that the air inside the clocktower was chilly. You gasped as a sudden shiver coursed through you and Sebastian lifted his head with a frown.

“Let’s get you dressed,” he murmured before pressing a kiss to your temple. He backed away to help you gather your wand and the articles of clothing you’d shed before getting dressed himself.

When you were both decent, he hooked an arm around your waist to pull you in for a quiet kiss.

“All right?” he asked.

“All right,” you answered with a smile. Your body felt tired, yet relaxed, and your head no longer felt full of the day’s stress.

“Learn your lesson?”

“No.”

Sebastian couldn’t help but smirk at your response. “Sure you don’t want to rethink that?”

“If by ‘lesson,’ you mean dueling with anyone but you, yes. But even the brightest witches sometimes forget everything they’ve learned,” you teased.

“Then the brightest witches will continue to be punished in the most cruel and unusual ways,” Sebastian hummed in your ear as he tossed an arm around you to steer you toward the archway.

“We missed dinner,” you whined as you returned to the castle.

Sebastian sighed. “We can sneak down into the kitchens and grab something. I’m sure they’ll have those biscuits you love.”

“I’d kill for a shepherd’s pie right now,” you mumbled longingly.

Sebastian squeezed your shoulder gently. “I’ll treat you to one at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow, I promise,” he said.

You smirked to yourself as you reached the castle doors and pushed your way inside. “You know, Leander offered to take me there tonight, after our duel. Beginning to think I should’ve taken him up on it.”

“He what?”

[kloroxa]

Rainy Day Women PT 2

Pt 1 Pt 3

Young!Stan Pines x GN! Reader 

SFW! 

WC: 1,246

During your short tour of the ‘behind the scenes’ as Stan called it, he explained more of what your job would be. 

“The Mystery Shack is open five days a week, 9-5, and i’m expectin’ ya to be here for all of those days. And hey if you gonna live here too might as well fix up the house a bit” He laughed with his classic con-man smile.

His tone was light when it came to him joking about you doing housework. But as you saw more you could tell that the man’s home was as cluttered as his mind, and you knew overtime that the mess would genuinely bother you.

“But now for the real grand attraction of the mystery shack, your new room!” 

Stan led you to a small and dusty room, which was surprisingly bare. It was nice to see a mostly empty room however, it made you feel like you weren’t invading a space he needed. 

“Well i’ll leave you to get settled since it’s getting late. Don’t forget, your new life as the Cashier of Mystery starts tomorrow” He laughed as he left you in your newly acquired room. 

As you dragged your stuff out of your car you realized how few belongings you actually had. Given that all the space you had was a trunk and a backseat, it got stuffy fast. It made you a bit sad to see everything you owned not even fill a small room. 

Shortly after unpacking and getting settled, you decided to go to bed to attempt to not think of how surreal your life was feeling at the moment. However, the first night in the mystery shack was not helping bring you back to reality. You kept hearing noise in the night, noise that sounded to be much more than the typical house settling noises. The noises made your brain overthink more than it typically did, specifically about the ‘Man of Mystery’ Stan Pines. Your brain wondered who he really was. The townsfolk already knew he was a conman, was Stan Pines really his name? What if he renamed the Mystery shack because he was on the run from murdering someone? And why did you agree to move in with a man you had never met before? Or even a better question: why was he the one to suggest the offer? You hoped he didn’t have anything bad planned for you. Maybe he was kinder than his persona let on? You wouldn’t deny that he definitely had a lot of charm in the way he talked and held himself, but that could have been a part of his act. You tossed and turned but not for long, the warmth and comfort of finally sleeping in a bed lulling you to sleep.

The next morning you woke up to your alarm in a daze, it took you a few seconds to remember where you were and oh god you live with a man you hardly know and you also work for him. Now that you regrettably remembered what you got yourself into, you got up and decided you would need a shower before your first day of work. It had been a little longer than you were willing to admit since you showered. You grabbed your small bag of toiletries and nervously went to find the bathroom. The bathroom was surprisingly nice, not as small as you thought it would be. As you got out of the shower and dried off, you realized you left your clean clothes in your room. You could just get back into your dirty clothes but your bedroom was less than ten steps away so you figured it was worth the risk to just wear a towel back to your room. 

Just as you were about to open the door your horrible luck almost hit you right in the face. Your horrible luck being the Man of Mystery himself, in boxers and a white t-shirt, with quite the startled look on his face. 

For a split second Stan eyed you up and down, just as fast he squeaked out a “Shit-Sorry” as his whole face started to blush, he turned around and hurried back to his room.

*Stan POV* 

God Stanly you really are the definition of the wrong place at the wrong time. Gonna be an awkward day now, what are you supposed to do? Should you pretend that never happened? No, you literally looked them up and down! god why can’t you ever think before you act. I mean it wasn’t a bad view-NO you are not dragging them down with you, you have ruined every person's life who had the misfortune of becoming close to you. They seem down on their luck enough. This is what you get for pitying someone who is in the situation you were just in. You think you can help them? Yeah right. God they probably think you're a creep, they are probably packing up their stuff now. Best they do anyway you're only gonna make their life worse if they stay. Always the fuck up. Always the worse twin.

*Reader POV*

You thought that the 'Man of Mystery' persona wasn't too far off from the real Stan, but you realized after your impromptu interaction with him that you were mistaken. You thought he would have said some lame pick up line or even whistled at you. But it was cute how instead his face got red and his voice got so small. His confident persona made him seem older and so sure of himself, but the Stan you just saw? That version of him seemed like the real Stan. You won't forget the way his eyes wandered for a second, but you probably would have done the same. Hell he probably forgot you moved in. You found yourself smiling at the situation instead of being embarrassed, but you knew you would be the one blushing when you had to face him. While technically he didn’t see anything, it was more the idea of having just a towel on that was far too intimate. You didn’t want to think about how if he had opened the door any sooner he would have seen a lot more of you. You would have had to skip town out of sheer embarrassment if that had happened.

Then again seeing the Man of Mystery character disappear so fast intrigued you. Seeing a glimpse of the real Stan made you less worried about who you were living with. You really couldn't help but smile when thinking about his red face and how quick he was to run away. You hoped he didn’t feel too bad, you were the one who left the door unlocked after all. He was probably embarrassed given he wasn't wearing much either, but from what you saw he looked good. It was also the first time you saw his hair without his fez on. You couldn't recall the last rime you saw a mullet look that good on someone. You found yourself thinking that you got a better view than he did.  

You shook your head and snapped out of those thoughts because You. Don’t. Know. This. Man. You don’t need to be making risky choices now, especially if you want to stay living here, and keep your job. God, your job. It was gonna be a long day, you didn’t even know how you were going to act normal around Stan. 

You figured it would be best to be the first one to talk when you did see him. Yes. You could apologise for not locking the door! If you could shift the blame to you he would hopefully feel less awkward about the situation.

_____

Author's notes:

hmm what could all those noises in the night be?? (it's him working on the portal. I am not clever.) Wonder who's empty room too??? (it’s prob not canon but i’m gonna say it was Mcgucket's room before he left Ford)

These details don’t really matter but it was what my mind imagined when I wrote it so I figured I would add that context.

[paper-beats-writers-block]

Okay listen I am considering myself veteran Simon Snow fandom enough (there are DEF people that have been here longer) but I will take a crack at all of these. Apologies for length of post in advance haha.

NEED human blood, no. Is it better for them, definitely. There have been so so many discussions about Baz in relation to his vampirism, but here are the highlights. as we see in wayward son, lamb looks like the perfect bill of health; he's strong, sharp, and completely unafraid of what he is. And I think a huge part of this is because he drinks human blood. His color is better. His senses are sharper. He doesn't feel fatigued all the time like the books allude that Baz does. And this is probably because human blood has a lot more of the nutrients that they need. Because human blood is the closest thing to "their own" blood that vampires will ever get. Yeah sure baz can drink as many rats and rabbits and cats as he wants to, but the genetic makeup of the animals' blooc doesn't come close to a humans. (something I love about the books is the way vampirism is approached in much more of a scientific way than a magickal way) (here's another post I made about it a while ago) (And here's a fandom discussion on why baz's skin is so pale when he's supposed to be Egyptian/Italian. If you pick one of the two to read, PLEASE let it be this one)

It all depends on the vampire I think. Because I think the content of human blood is much better for the vampire because it supplements them better, I think that once most vampires try human blood for the first time there's a much lesser chance of them going back. Because another thing with the scenes with Lamb is that "if you didn't enjoy being turned then they weren't doing it right". I think a lot of baz's "morality" comes from his own prejudices against vampires. We know that Baz's vampirism is an allegory for his queerness, and just like he has internalized homophobia towards himself that he's working on, there's a lot of internalized "I hate vampires" that's going on as well. If you want me to go into more detail about this I will, just ask!

Same thing with any minority. Yes they can make a moral choice. But no that doesn't mean that mages are going to come to terms with it. Agatha was (thought she was, pick your poison) in love with Baz for years. She was still terrified that he was a vampire in Carry On. Fiona has a vampire for a nephew and a fiance, and last time I checked she was still a vampire hunter. So there's a lot lot lot of systematic injustice that's happening with vampires in the books. (and vampires aren't the only magickal creature that this is happening with. until the mage came along, only humans could attend Watford. And even then, it was only humans that could pass the entrance exam) (disclaimer. I hate the mage as much as the next bestie. however, he did begin to dismantle the rampant classicism at watford, and I will l give him half a point for that)

Baz is going to take a long as fuck time to come to terms with it. it took him over a year to realize that he deserved better from simon than Simon's flippancy and nonchalance about their relationship. and then he snapped and broke up with him, and only agreed to try again when Simon promised that he would try. This is HUUUUGE for both of them. But one of the reasons I was so disappointed that Lamb was a villain in the second book is because he was the closest thing to a mentor that Baz ever had. Lamb showed baz that being a vampire didn't mean he was an inhuman demonic being. all it meant was just. he was a being. A being that had sharp teeth, super speed and strength, and needed blood to survive yeah. But there was nothing inherently demonic and evil about the fact that he was a vampire. the evilness came from the choices he made (and this goes for everyone). This is especially prevalent in the scene where Lamb teaches and supports baz through eating without his fangs coming out. and baz is THRILLED when he can finally do it, because being able to eat without his fangs makes him feel like less of an animal. And he's still very very hung up on "no simon I will NOT drink your blood" because he's afraid to hurt him and because he's convinced drinking human blood will, once again, make him feel like a predator instead of a person. So it's going to take him years, if not decades. And I don't have a guess how it will happen for sure (or if it even happens at all) but I'm confident in answering that he is not content with his vampirism where we leave off in Snow for Christmas.

My guess there is no. See "magickal classicism". It's a headcanon of a lot of folks around here that Baz goes back to teach at watford, and while we don't know if that is the direction canon will go or not, definitely in this case no. It takes a lot of time for a group so tightly knit as the word of mages to undo centuries of prejudices, and especially one as deeply rooted as a fear of vampires. Baz can say "no I only drink rats I promise" and he'll still get more backlash than Mitali gave the mage. The people that are most important to him know who and what he is, and right now that is the safest option for him. If vampire hatred does get abolished in the world of mages then I would say "yeah there's a pretty good chance that he will!" But I just don't see that in the cards right now, especially since his vampirism is still a part of him that he holds a lot of internal hate for himself.

I actually wrote a teeny essay on this myself! (don't let essay scare you, its written in mostly the same casual haha format as the rest of this post) but here is the link for that post!! (read this part after you've read the rest of that post: I think the bubble popping was his magickal resistance, because after Smith tries to cast his dumbass spell on simon, bro is completely immune to magic. And I think that's what the pop was. some people still speculate that he;s gonna get his magic back and I'm like "no sister that shit is way gone. and our boy is happier without it so let the poor sod be")

the immune to spells thing is one that I was never sure of. sitting here thinking about it now, I would have to say that my best guess here is that. Sooooooo many people tried to fuck with his already extremely unstable magic as it is, and the pop he felt with smith was it finally just. completely giving up. The humdrum took it all away in the first place, and he has absolutely no magic left (remember from the magic post I wrote it began with simon freely sending his magic into the humdrum, and ended with the humdrum sucking the rest of his magic out of him.) so I think the "pop" was just. one too many people tried to mess with it and the spell brought the Nothing to the surface, the Nothing literally didn't have anything else to materialize as, so the Nothing spread over his entire body and became sort of like his own personal humdrum that was completely immune to magic instead of sucking it away. If that was completely nonsensical I am sorry.

I do not think the wings will ever ever go away. and I'm actually going to let adamarks take this one, because they have an AMAZING meta on Simon's wings written before AWTWB came out. Link to that one is here. (this one is so important to me and genuinely changed the way I read the books. so.)

It's possible?? Shepard's plot and narrative purpose is explained beautifully in another adamarks meta that I will also link here. But To expand upon this meta further, I think he's also a great way of tackling Penelope's internalized magickal classicism because there are so SO many times throughout WS and AWTWB that some of her thoughts and dialogue are blatantly looking down on Shep because he's not magickal. now obviously she starts to attack some of that when she starts dating him. But there's a long way to go there just like there's a long way to go with Baz and his vampirism. But I think Shep is going to be the link there, because he's going to continue to challenge the way that she thinks, and in turn, Penny will take those challenges into whatever her magickal future had in store for her. The fresh perspective that she's learning from Shepard is going to help the entire world of mages in the long run. (and also. Having Shep around is going to do WONDERS for simon. because he's going to give simon someone to talk to about being Normal. and he's going to keep Simon communicating and getting practiced at communicating).

Nah I don't think she's gonna get in trouble. She probably (definitely) should. But Mitali is the current "stand in mage" for lack of better terminology, and the stern "Don't You Boys Try And Pull Something Like That Again Do You Hear Me" look that she gives Simon and BAz in her office when they go to use the library in AWTWB is prob going to be the extent of the discussion there because Mitali had so much going on with the pop up greatest mages, and then the gang had to swoop in and save everyone again, so I'm guessing its going to be heroically dusted under the rug until everyone gets drunk and Christmas and then someone will hold over her head as everyone laughs.

Rainbow is a huge proponent for fanfic!!! the mother of the simon snow series is fangirl, literally about a girl that writes simon and baz fanfic!!! So I guess yeah its possible that she left it kind of up to interpretation for fic writers to go nuts with. She did say that Baz is her favorite character she's ever created, so it's also possible that she's leaving it for another book?? But personally, I don't think that's the case (will I be THRILLED if book four is announced HELL YEAH!!!!! but I don't think it's in the cards). I believe she's said before that she didn't want to be pigeonholed into just writing simon and baz, especially when she has soooooo many other beautiful love stories that she has already told and that she's getting ready to tell.

haha I told you this would get long and would you look at that I was really really right 💀 so If you have follow up questions or additional questions that you would like me to try and answer I can certainly do my best!! and also please understand that these are all just. my personal takes on the series (and/or takes that I agree with since not all of them are mine) <3 so I hope this answered at least part of one of the list that you left!!!!!

Questions I still have after Any Way the Wind Blows:

Do vampires really need human blood? How much?

Are there other moral vampires? (Besides Nico)

If vampires can make a moral choice, is it amoral to kill them? How are the mages going to come to terms with this?

How is Baz going to come to terms with it?

Will Baz ever "come out" as a moral vampire?

What THE HECK is up with Simon's magic? He felt a "bubble popping" when Smith cast the spell, implying THERE WAS MAGIC IN HIM. will it come back?

And why is he immune to spells now?

Will he cut his wings off?

What will Shepard be to the world of mages? A liaison to other magical beings?

Is Penelope ever going to get into a heap of trouble for her magical fraud spree?

The ending is satisfying, but I feel like these books are set up for fanfiction. Or a fourth installment.

[gemisbored]

a whole swarm of Hornets!

I've been working on this bit-by-bit over the course of several days. hope everyone likes their Hornets!

@raddest-laddest @featherlouise @dooblebugss @a-sociopath-do-your-research @cheese-grater-terminator @malk-with-tea @dairyfreenugget @abugshapedeldritchbeing @conconpasta @xylo-art @ostebee @linnyaaaa @tenyardstowitchyard @ruthlesslistener @doodledrawsthings @rainechiime @ridleymb @foileadeux @thehappiestgolucky

[priestessoffurina]

Hiiii thereee! Okay so I know you're a big Furilumi fan, so I was wondering if you could help me collect all the info and events that imply it, and their general dynamic and stuff??? Anything about their relationship in all canon or semi-canon content. I'm working on the Traveler x Genshin chars list again, and I'm honestly undecided on how to interpret Furina's feelings for the traveler, so I thought you could help :>>>

Hellooo~ and gosh I'm flattered that you think so.

I will say that while I am a fan; I'm not as die-hard as others maybe. I'm very much a characters-before-the-ship kinda gal when it comes to Furilumi (also in general with other characters).

Like if you were to put a gun to my head and ask me what is my top Travelver X Character ship "canon wise", Furilumi wouldn't even be top five. (also I am adult enough to admit that I'm very much wanting to fuck Furina a Furina x Reader shipper more than anything)

But even with all that, I think they are cute together together and they have an interesting dynamic that can be explored.

I'm wasn't quite sure how you wanted the information or how much you wanted. I'm just gonna go through certain moments from quests Furina & Lumine have been in together so far. And just talk about them.

Also if I forget a scene or something please forgive me!

When Lumine first meets Furina at the very start of the Fontaine Archon quest, she isn't being herself.

As we all know, Furina was acting as the role of Hydro Archon. So calling it a proper meeting isn't accurate, since I tend to believe we don't meet the real Furina until much late. This isn't just in reference to her identify, but also her true personality.

Also it was just basically Furina going "We are rivals now!" and Lumine being like "....sure I guess?".

But I thought it important to high light it since it does establishes their early dynamic.

Furina knows about what The Travelver has done and sees her as an answer to her problems;

She has been chasing the one trial to end all trials; the one case that is so spectacular that is will save Fontaine from the impending floods. And what better opposition than the famous Outlander?

And she says at much at Lyney's trial:

Although there is perhaps a bit of fear at what the The Travelver could do, Furina is sure that their face off will soon happen. And that the odds will be in her favour (even though she kinda doesn't know what she is doing lol), with her being determined to save Fontaine.

It is always hard to truly know what the Travelver themselves is thinking. But I would guess Lumine also views Furina as a means to an end. It is the reason she is traveling Teyvat finding her brother.

This shows that while they both are different, they are very willing to do what they can to obtain their goal. Whether that means playing a role for 500 years, or travelling all over the whole continent, they will searching through any scarp of information to find the answers.

While Furina does lose and is, from Paimon's own words: "...like a deflated balloon now." I think Furina is more sad that it wasn't "The Trial" more than anything. Especially since she is "...unable to contain her joy at seeing you and Paimon enter.", when coming to protect her while meeting with the Arlecchino. Showing that she doesn't have any ill will towards Lumine.

Granted this could be because Furina is utterly terrified of The Knave as well trusting in Neuvillette very much. But still that rivalry is put on hold. But from this little tea party Lumine starts feeling distrusting of Furina, thinking she is hiding something. And from the events of Poisson, this just grows.

While Lumine is willing to go through the plan with others to trap Furina, this is very much a last resort;

Lumine doesn't want to be feuding with Furina; this rivalry that Furina has thrusted upon them is something she doesn't want. And while Lumine is reluctant to do this, she knows there is no choice. The Travelver doesn't think Furina is a bad person. But they need answers, and as such it seems that they are both destined to be on oppositions at court.

But Lumine still tries one last time to get through to Furina.

This part of the Fontaine Archon quest is one of my favourites; this is where Furina's thoughts and feeling finally start to poke out.

It happens because Furina's greatest fear is coming true, but still. Pretty good.

Lumine is very much on to the act that Furina plays. She knows that is she isn't godly or uncaring as she may give off. Lumine tries to show to Furina that it is okay to let go:

If Furina had been quicker and had told her the truth, Lumine very much would have stopped the plan. But from what we know, Furina would have never told. She was dedicated to the very end.

Skipping to after the Hydro Archons trial and the crisis being averted. We don't get anything until Furina's story quest.

Story quests are in general kinda a mixed bag. They are can be great in show casing the playable characters, well character. As well as expanding on the world as a whole. But sometimes they just focus on the second part a bit too hard and the character suffers from.

Now looking back at Furina's quest, it probably wasn't as bad as I thought originally. Well at least looking through just the lines by themselves is fine (Paimon is still...well I have thoughts on how they utilise Paimon's character when it comes to story. They use her as comic relief/to lighten it up when it is not needed...But that's a convo for another day).

There are at least some good bits to take from.

The first being that the reason Furina even helps the Troupe in the first place is because the Travelver drags them (literally and figuratively) into the plot. By the way of hand-holding no less.

After the ordeal that Furina has been through she is actually quite reluctant to be out and about. Furina strikes me as someone who is introverted, this very well could because she has had no real personal relationships.

On topic of personal relationships, Lumine is properly the only person who knows about what Furina truly felt during her 500 years of acting. This is cause of Furina unconsciously trama-dumped on Lumine, but still. Having someone who has seen the many sides to you, can be nice. Furina can be candid with Lumine, not needed to put on a performance. But I'm sure Furina also feels it is kinda awkward. Because 'Oh archons this person knows all about me', it crates an unexpected power imbalance, which can make for an interesting dynamic with the Travelver.

Another good moment is when they are back in Poisson;

If there is one ideal out of the seven that The Travelver embodies most, it is freedom. Freedom is very important to Lumine and I think it's very telling when she tells Furina that freedom is her reward. She is saying to her that it's It's over, and that she is free to begin a new chapter of her life.

So I think it's no coincidence after this quest Furina ends up being a director in "Roses and Muskets". She breaks out of her shell a bit and once again comes along on the Travelver's behest. Granted there aren't that many scenes/moments with them since this was very Chevreuse forward event. This is also similar in the Lantern Rite, but we did get a cute diagonal where Lumine says "I have keenly felt the passage of time since our last meeting." so that was cute.

Unfortunately since Furina has only been out for 7 months we'll have to wait for more. Hopeful in 4.6 (if it follows the same patterns) we will get her second story quest, and that it's a little bit better.

But there are voice-over and teapot stuff! (Had to get these from the wiki since I don't have Furina fully unlocked. yeah yeah know)

These are pretty self explanatory. Just Furina wanting to spend time with the Travelver and taking about the next chapter of her life having Lumine in it.

I thought this one has particularly cute. Furina would make macaroni for Lumine.

This one is a favourite

Lumine only needs her.

Now on to the teapot, there is a very cute scene where Furina talks about teaching Lumine to dance;

Another where Furina talks about them doing acting together and writing a script.

And that's all I can find! Like I said, I probably missed some stuff, but I think I'll call it quits here. I hope I was able to get the info you needed, but if not you can ask my specific questions if need be.

Also I'd love to the list when you are done!!!

[blujayonthewing]

SUPREMELY frustrating that we found something actually really cool and intriguing and plot relevant in tonight's session but I'm still so constantly preoccupied with whether the DM is going to 100% kill us with sheer poor game design that I barely have enough brainspace left over to even enjoy it

[borkwolf]

Hi! Could you maybe draw Dreamcatcher please and thank you?

Art by otiksimr and teethwitheyes101-blog

sparkly dragon :]

[lionbearfox]

good luck to everyone pulling and may all nahida and nilou wanters be nahida and nilou havers!

[marshmallowgoop]

There's a lot of talk about Heiji's tendency to drop everything and go to Tokyo to help—or even just to see!—Shinichi, and rightfully so. It's something Heiji unabashedly admits to (Episode 278, Magic File 5)...

Heiji: If any other suspicious persons show up, just call me! I'll run right over!

Ran: Hattori-kun saw that incident on the news and rushed over because he was worried about you, Conan-kun. Heiji: Grabbed the first bullet train in the mornin'!

And I still can hardly believe that Heiji's canon, actual, real-deal reaction to a request to put his life on the line and impersonate Shinichi... is an immediate "OK" composed out of heart emojis (Episode 345).

Seriously. That happened. Heiji couldn't not help.

Heiji (internally): I had no choice. After all, Kudo e-mailed me asking me to do this.

But in Shinichi's first appearance since being poisoned (Episode 49), after seemingly refusing to show his face to Ran or Inspector Megure or anyone else in town for who knows how long, he unabashedly claims that he dropped everything to meet Heiji. He smiles about it!

And of course it's a lie, but there's a smidgen of truth to it, too. Conan did accompany Heiji, despite feeling terribly sick and harboring zero interest in the (apparently) non-murderous case, because he was intrigued. Because he was impressed with what Heiji had uncovered about him already and was nervous about what else his so-called "rival" could reveal.

Conan (internally): I don't wanna go, but there's no telling what this guy might say!

But even without that context, Shinichi's easy, immediate cover story gets to me. He really, truly, unhesitatingly asserts that meeting Heiji was important enough to jump right on a train to get there.

It reminds me of Shinichi's excitement when he first learns of Heiji (File 520), and his grin when he thinks of meeting Heiji for real one day (File 522):

Shinichi: Really? Then he's just like me!

Shinichi (internally): We'll meet each other again... on that mysterious stage...

I think I could totally buy that Shinichi actually would have done exactly what he claims in the clip. He is interested in other detectives like himself, and with the pain of the antidote wearing off in Episode 49, that smile's gotta be genuine.

Finally, while it's Not That Deep, there's maybe something to be said about how Heiji is symbolically the key to Shinichi's true self, since it's Heiji's alcohol that transforms Conan back into Shinichi. With this clip, Shinichi underlines the same idea. It's Heiji who brought him back after so long. It's because of Heiji Hattori that Shinichi Kudo makes his first appearance after vanishing.

And I love how forthright Shinichi is about it.

[hexcitrine]

randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy