#this was the filmed version too (this and todays matinee) so now i have to go to nt live and see if they use this one

[wistfulcynic]

It Has Happened. i have Seen It. it is Magnificent

look. look at my silly souvenir. behold it

if anyone needs me i shall be watching this on repeat for the next seven to ten business days

[lex-loudestwoman]

folklore lyrics and story: the 1

I can't even tell you how excited I am to dive into this iconic escapism album born of the early COVID lockdown days of depression, cat hair, endless TV, and maybe a little too much white wine.

the 1

I think Taylor is singing to a past version of herself in the 1. This version of herself was able to be openly out and about in NYC, going on dates with women she met on the internet (Karlie's tweet in 2013, anyone?) and maybe even decided to come out one day.

I imagine this as if Taylor was walking through her beautiful NYC neighborhood and saw someone who reminded her of her younger self, and this is the conversation she would have had with that version of herself if they had bumped into each other on the street.

In the song there is "me" (first person POV, this is the narrator) and "you" (someone else) and "we" (person one and person two).

The Taylor of Spring 2020 is "me," while the old Taylor who was allowed to live life in public with Karlie as besties back in the 1989 era is "you," and "we" is actually Taylor referring to her more comprehensive "self" - the amalgamation of all her past selves who led her to who she is today.

It's also important to look at the use of verb tenses in the song so we understand what happened when in this story. There's the present tense, talking about the here & now, and there is the past when "we" were still something.

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "yes" instead of "no" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

(Please, dear reader, I need you to know that I fully wrote these first two lyric sections THREE TIMES before they finally saved. F u tumblr drafts!! moving on...)

Taylor is catching up with this other person who she ran into maybe unexpectedly. The chat presumably starts out with pleasantries, to which Taylor responds "I'm doing good I'm on some new shit, I've been saying yes instead of no." Taylor gives the surface level, instant response of "doing good" and then expands to give the other person more information. Taylor is on some "new shit" and she's been saying yes instead of no. This new shit is probably her acknowledgement of yet another reinvention and a New Taylor. If this person knows Taylor well, they'll understand that she is regularly deciding who the newest version of her will be, always on her new shit!

Taylor describes a big change between the old and new her, which is that she is now saying yes instead of no. I think that means Taylor isn't automatically responding to everything unexpected or questioning with "no," she's not on defense anymore and isn't jumping straight to denial, deflect, defuse. Now, she's saying "yes" and allowing herself to be more open, vulnerable, and honest in her truth. She's probably trying new things that were once uncomfortable or scary for the old Taylor.

Taylor tells the person she's speaking to that she thought she saw them out one day (maybe at The Bus Stop in the West Village) and was a little let down to realize it wasn't actually them. This means that the current interaction is likely a positive, pleasant encounter.

I hit the ground running each night I hit the Sunday matinée You know the greatest films of all time were never made

Taylor hits the ground running each night. I think this line refers to Alice Merton's song Hit the Ground Running, which is ABOUT MERTON STARTING HER OWN RECORD LABEL.

Today is August 15, 2023 and when Taylor Swift launches a fucking record label I want you all to know that I called it. Just for the record.

Also there is definitely more to dig into about Alice Melton, who has a ton of similarities and connections to Taylor Swift, but that's for another day. So Taylor updates this person about whatever it is she's working on professionally right now (karma is fucking real bitches).

Taylor also hits the Sunday Matinee. I think this refers to the candid photo collection published by Brooke Smith (aka Dr. Hahn on Grey's Anatomy) which illustrates the collective misfit nature of the punk rock community in the East Village in the 1980s. Specifically, this community thrived in THE BOWERY NEIGHBORHOOD. Brooke described the punk community as a bunch of disenfranchised kids who never really fit in and then found a welcoming family in punk.

So Taylor is also telling this person about how she's building her community and documenting it in photos right now. (Maybe flagging for the Long Pond Sessions? More Polaroid imagery?) I imagine her community members are Jack Antonoff, Aaron Dessner, Zoe Kravitz, Marcus Mumford, Bon Iver, and others in her music creating community throughout folkmore.

Next Taylor shares a knowing reflection with the other person, acknowledging a shared experience here. She says "you know, the greatest films of all time are never made," kind of in a "you know how it goes" kinda way. *shrugs*

I'm not sure exactly what she is referring to with the greatest films of all time line. Lina Naktine posits that the truly great films aren't made because of fear of profit loss. Great films take risks, and great film industry executives don't want to risk their bottom line to try something experimental or bold. So, even though incredible scripts are written and submitted for funding and development, they're never made. Following this thought process, Taylor is lamenting the fact that art and expression are limited by the oversight of big studios.

This line after the last two references of authentic, self-governing community in music and music rights, profits, and ownership in music labels hits really hard. Taylor is up to something big but she's playing it really casual as she catches up with this person.

I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now

Okay, so this is where we finally hear from the other person. They respond to Taylor, saying, "I guess you never know, and if you wanted me you really should've showed." The other person seems to disagree with Taylor's thoughts about the greatest films of all time never being made, they posit that they might eventually be made, you never know! This person goes on to acknowledge the elephant in the room: their history with Taylor.

Here's where my theory of who "you" is referring to is important. I think "you" is the version of Taylor from 1989 Girl Squad era of Taylor's life, if she had been able to keep that identity instead of reinventing herself for Reputation. So Taylor is talking to the carefree, single life that she lived in the early days of her NYC Lifestyle.

"And if you wanted me, you really should've showed." 1989 Taylor is acknowledging that present day Taylor wishes she hadn't lost 1989 Taylor's life, and 1989 Taylor tells her that if she really had wanted this life for herself, she should've showed her true (gay) colors back when she had the chance.

"And if you never bleed you're never gonna grow." 1989 Taylor criticizes Taylor here, pointing out her pattern of protecting herself from bleeding by cutting and running and reinventing herself anytime someone gets too close and feels potentially threatening.

"And it's alright now." I think this is as if 1989 Taylor has been living out & proud for the last 10 years and she's telling present day Taylor that everything she was afraid of happening turned out alright now.

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one (Ooh)

The POV changes again, Taylor of present day is speaking now! She's reflecting on the 1989 era of her life wistfully. Taylor reflects on those years of her life, her roaring 20s, the wishes she made tossing pennies in the pool. And she tells us that if the wishes she made in her best best friends era with Karlie had come true, she would've been 1989 era Taylor forever.

Taylor goes on to say, "in my defense, I have none" which means "in my defense, I am defenseless, I am vulnerable, I have no shield." And she is defenseless against "leaving well enough alone," implying that she messed with a perfectly good situation when it was well enough, and her interference is what caused the 1989 era to end.

She goes on to underscore her belief that it would've been fun to stay 1989 Taylor, dating the love of her life in plain sight under the sweet disguise of friendship.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You meet some woman on the internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now I guess you never know, never know And it's another day waking up alone

Taylor of today is now talking about and to 1989 Taylor. Present day Taylor has a dream that the 1989 Tay is doing cool shit, having adventures on her own, maybe she'd even be on the online dating apps and meet some stranger woman and take her home! Taylor dreams of having the ability to be in a normal, low-key, low-stakes relationship at this stage in her life, compared to the complications and heartache that go with a seven year long love affair while stuck in the closet.

Taylor keeps talking about how she behaved back in the day. This is now the "we" of the song- Taylor of the present is calling herself "we" when she thinks back to what the 1989 era was like, because both she and this grown up 1989 Taylor were both there. She says that they never painted by the numbers, but they were making it count - I think this means that they broke the rules back then and did things differently than people expected them to, but she reflects that the unusual way she did things back in ~2014 worked for her then.

"You know the greatest loves of all time are over now." Taylor of today tells 1989 Taylor that the greatest love story of all time (Karlie & Taylor) is over now, which implies that this conversation happens during a Kaylor breakup. Taylor adds a little hope into the discussion, bringing 1989 Taylor's words back around - I guess you never know if the greatest love is over now, it could be alive still, or it may come back around.

"And it's another day waking up alone." Taylor updates 1989 Tay on the current state of her life - she's waking up alone, no lover beside her in her bed.

I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today?

Taylor of today is thinking to herself now, trying to keep herself strong and not ask the question she desperately wants to know the answer to: if ONE thing had been different, would everything be different today? If she had made one different decision in her life, would everything else have changed for the better or worse? I think she's thinking about The 1975 Kissgate ~event~ of December 4, 2014, or something else related to stepping out publicly with Karlie back when things were much simpler.

We were something, don't you think so? Rosé flowing with your chosen family And it would've been sweet If it could've been me In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time But it would've been fun If you would've been the one (Ooh)

Taylor ends up the conversation with her past self, again reflecting on the fun they had and lamenting the loss she feels when she thinks about this potential other life she could've lived. There was rosé flowing with her chosen family (gay!), and it would've been sweet if that version of herself could've stayed around as a long-term identity and persona.

She again states that she's defenseless against digging up the grave another time, which must be why she's alone now. But she can accept that things are different, daydream about what could've been, and eventually walk away from the one.

If you made it this far, THANK YOU!! I'd love to hear your feedback, your unhinged Taylor/Kaylor theories, and please send me any tie-ins you find that support or conflict with my analysis. Let's use those AP English Lit skills and be the DEAREST of readers.

XOXO, The Loudest Woman this town has ever seen

[ificanthaveu]

The 1 || Harry Styles

Description: Based off The 1 by Taylor Swift (read the lyrics to get the gist of what this’ll be about)

A/N: WOOF my first harry fic!! The second I heard this song, I knew I had to make it into a fic. However, it just didn’t feel like it fit Shawn or Calum, and I just knew I had to use Harry for it. I’m in love with how this turned out and I’m so happy I have time to write again. Hope you love this as much as I do.

Word Count: 3k

Parking your car down the street from the large brick house, you got out and glanced at the homes as you passed them, with doormats with family names and numbers larger than necessary to indicate the address. Every yard was perfectly done with professional landscaping and lawn care, a stark contrast to your apartment upstate where you barely had enough time in the day to place a plant on the balcony.

“I’m telling you, the customer will be fine with it. I promise,” you explained through a sigh as you fiddled with your necklace.

You heard your assistant sigh as well, and you knew he was probably hunched over his desk and tugging at his shirt sleeves.  

“A four box shortage, [Y/N]? This is the second time we’ve done this to them in the past five months,” he said, the exhaustion evident in his voice as he stared at reports.

“And I will send them the backups we have of last year’s version. Everything will be fine,” you said calmly as you paced back and forth in the driveway once you made it to the house, your new heels clicking against the pavement.

“I don’t get how you’re so calm about this all the time,” he mumbled as you heard him typing.

“It comes with practice. Now finish the email and get over here,” you said.

“Whatever you say, boss,” he said through a laugh before hanging up.

You tucked your phone into your clutch and placed it back down by your side. You looked up at the house and took a deep breath before walking to the front door.

You pushed it open and were met with people filling the living room and kitchen, greeting people they didn’t know, and having conversations with people they did.

Your phone buzzed before you could find someone you knew, and you glanced down to see a text from your assistant Trevor.

Trevor: You were right. They took last year’s version no problem. You’re a genius.

You shook your head and laughed to yourself before sending an “I told you so” text and looking at the email you were copied on.

Starting and running your own online clothing store in college was one thing. But that turning into a chain of over 70 stores across the United States and Canada was a whole other thing.

But no matter how many nights you fell asleep at your desk at 2:00 am just to be woken up by Trevor coming in for work at 7:00 and begging you to go home and shower, you loved what you were doing.

You had genuinely never been happier. Even if you never thought you would be.

---

“What’s your happiest moment?” Harry asked as you sat next to each other, waiting for the Sunday matinee to start at your local theater.

You leaned your head back and look at him from the corner of your eye.

“I don’t know,” you said.

He had a slight smile as he looked back at you.

“That’s not an answer,” he whispered.

You shrugged your shoulders, taking a few pieces of the popcorn from the bucket sitting in his lap.

“I don’t think it’s happened yet,” you said simply.

“Hm,” he said, looking at the screen as the movie started playing.

Once the movie was done, the two of you walked back to his car, his hand lacing in yours naturally after he pulled you up.

“What do you think the best movie ever is?” You asked as he tugged you in the right direction.

“I don’t know,” he said, returning your reply.

“That’s not an answer,” you said as you crossed your arms as he unlocked his car and opened your door.

“I don’t think it’s been made yet,” he said before closing your door.

You sat alone with that thought before he climbed into the driver’s side.

“Why do you think it hasn’t been made yet?” You asked.

“Same reason your happiest moment hasn’t happened yet,” he said, resting his hand on the back of your seat as he backed out of the parking spot, making your heart race.

“We’re young,” he said, his eyes focusing on the road ahead. “I just think I have hundreds of movies that I still have to see. Just like you have millions of moments still to encounter.”

“See I think those are two different things,” you argued. “I still have to get married, have kids, start my dream business. But the classic movies, the ones everyone loves have already been made.”

He nodded his head, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Good point; however, I think the greatest films of all time were never made,” he said.

You stayed quiet, mulling the thought over in your head.

“How is that possible?” You ask, turning in your seat and resting your knee against the center council, fully enveloped in whatever he had to say.

“I just think someone out there has the most amazing idea for a movie anyone could ever think of, but he’s an engineer or a grocery clerk or a stay at home parent so he’ll never make it. We’ll never know.”

“But if it’s really going to be the greatest film, someone will come up with it and go through with it.”

“I don’t think so,” he said simply. “I think some stories are too good to be encapsulated into a film.”

“How so?” You questioned

Harry pulled up in front of your dorm building before turning towards you.

“You and I are the only ones that really know what today is like for us. Today could make the best film ever, and no one would ever know,” he said.

You let your smile tug at the corners of your lips as the concentrated look stayed on his.

“You think today is too good to be a movie?” You said quietly.

A blush crept up on his cheeks before he turned forward and leaned his head on the back of his seat.

He didn’t say anything, instead nodded his head and looked at you again.

The sun was getting dangerously closer to the horizon, reminding you of the homework you hadn’t finished yet.

Before you could second guess it, you leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, not allowing him enough time to even move his hands.

Without another word, you jumped out of the car and ran to the door without looking back to see the blush stay on his cheeks as he watched you.

---

You shook the reminiscent feeling as you walked forward, glancing at the pictures adorning the walls by the staircase.

Tanya, a friend from college, locked eyes with you from across the room as you quickly waved and made your way to her.

You greeted her with a quick hug as you sat down next to her on the sofa.

“It’s been way too long,” she said as she leaned back and you did the same.

“Tell me about it,” you replied.

“You’re just too damn busy to get ahold of. I’m surprised you even made it today,” she said with a confused look on her face.

“My assistant is going all the dirty work currently,” you said as you made a face.

“On a Saturday?” She questioned.

“Retail never quits.”

“How many stores now? Was it like 60 last time we talked?” She asked, leaning towards you to hear better as the party got louder.

“76 actually,” you said as her eyes nearly bulged out of your head. “77 next week when our newest one in Miami opens, which I’ll actually be headed to tomorrow morning.”

“Ms. CEO is really out here taking over the fashion industry,” she said with the shake of her head.

“That’s the goal,” you said with your customer service smile, a pang hitting you once again.

---

“Why are we doing this?” You said as Harry dragged you to the middle of the mall where the fountain was.

“You can’t just walk past one of these and not make a wish,” he said as he dug in his pockets.

“So we’re going to waste two cents just to wish for something that isn’t going to happen?” You asked with crossed arms.

“That’s the goal,” he said with a smirk before pressing a penny into your hand. “And you don’t know if it’s actually never going to happen.”

You went to throw it in before Harry’s hand enveloped yours.

“You can’t just throw it in like it’s nothing,” he said with an offended look on his face.

He kept his hands around yours, holding them together as the penny burned against your skin.

“We’re going to close our eyes, think of our wishes, and then count down and throw them in,” he said.

You simply nodded as you smiled at how into this he was.

“And you have to believe every bit of it or it won’t come true,” he said seriously. 

“Ok,” you whispered.

You both closed your eyes, and you rocked back and forth on your heels as Harry’s hands tightened around yours.

You peaked one eye open to see how concentrated he was as you thought of the only wish that made sense. 

I want it to be you.

“Ready?” He whispered.

You hummed in response as you both opened your eyes.

“Three,” he started the countdown.

“Two,” you cut in.

“One,” you both said as you threw your pennies over your backs and into the fountain, hearing them go in with a gentle splash.

Harry’s hand found it’s way back to yours as you tugged him to the candle store you came here for.

“What’d you wish for?” You asked him as his arm wrapped around your shoulder, your hands still laced together.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” he said.

“It was worth a shot.”

---

“You good?” Tanya asked as you snapped out of your thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” you said as you plastered your smile back onto your face.

You turned away from her as someone else she knew came up to greet her. Your eyes scanned the decorations around the room, mostly white, silver, and gold, also looking at the pictures once again.

And then you see him.

He’s laughing at something his friend said, his head thrown back as his curls flopped with it. He was wearing a button-down, like always, with not nearly enough buttons buttoned up. He sipped at a glass of rose as he turned to someone new with a new conversation.

He looked good. Really good.

He looked happy.

You stood up from the couch and made your way to the far wall of the room, pulling your phone out to see the newest message from Trevor telling you he was on his way.

You looked up from your phone and locked eyes with him.

He stopped his conversation as his eyes felt like they bore into your soul.

His hand lifted up to give you a gently wave and a smile as you returned it.

That smile still made you melt.

But it was gone in a moment as that look of hesitation washed across him.

---

Your final words were hurled at him as you sat down hastily on the couch. Your fingers knitting into your snarled hair as you tried to catch your breath and begged your tears to stop falling.

Harry continued to pace in front of you. The frustration radiating off him.

“I just don’t get it, [Y/N]. I don’t know what else you want me to do,” he yelled as he choked on his own words.

You stayed quiet, having answered this question already.

It wasn’t his fault. But maybe it was, and maybe it was yours or maybe it wasn’t. You couldn’t keep track anymore, and you were sick of the blame game.

You knew you wouldn’t be here if you would’ve brought it up weeks ago, how unloving he’d been lately. How distant he’d felt when his arm was thrown around you. How his answers were the same but somehow different.

You couldn’t pinpoint it anymore.

Everything just felt off.

It felt wrong.

It felt like he didn’t love you anymore. Or at least he wasn’t showing it.

“I don’t know, H,” you said softly, not having it in your heart to yell anymore.

He scoffed as he continued to pace, tugging at the ends of his hair.

“I’m not the only problem,” he said, stopping to look at you as you continued staring at the ground. “If this started months ago, why didn’t you say something then? It would’ve been a hell of a lot easier than this.”

“I don’t know,” you said more sternly this time.

“You never do,” he mumbled.

You didn’t reply to that one as you felt your heart slowly break into two as he sat down next to you. The familiar feeling of his leg pressed against yours was long gone as he sat on the opposite end of the loveseat.

“I deserve better than this,” you paused.

Harry waited for you to finish your thought, his hands balled up in tight fists.

“And so do you.”

You could feel him relax even if he wasn’t touching you, coming to the conclusion neither of you wanted to come to.

That you needed someone who showed every emotion they had face forward in order to understand.

And he just couldn’t give you that.

That he needed someone who spoke up everything they were thinking.

And you couldn’t give him that.

Your heart finally broke in two as you felt Harry’s arm wrap around you and pull you into his side, taking your legs and swinging them over his lap like you always would.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give that to you,” he said softly.

You rested your head against his shoulder as your breathing slowed back to its regular pace.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give that to you either,” you replied.

Once your tears stopped flowing, you removed his arm from across your legs and stood up.

And you left.

---

You continued to watch him as he grabbed a second glass of rose and made his way across the room, dodging in and out of people trying to talk to him.

He ended up in front of you and handed you a glass as you nodded to him as a thank you.

You didn’t feel the anxiety you thought would creep up into your stomach. You just felt content as he leaned against the wall next to you.

“Congratulations,” you whispered to him.

He nodded his head in thanks as he gave you that same soft smile you fell for.

You both looked across the room to see the Vice President of your company showing the glowing ring to some friends that Harry slipped onto her left ring finger just a few weeks ago.

You knew it would end up here.

Somehow, when Katherine raved to you about the guy she had gone on a few dates with after meeting him on Tinder, you knew this was going to be the guy she’d end up with.

You just didn’t think it would be the same guy you broke up with two years prior to that.

But even after Katherine and you pieced everything together, you insisted she kept seeing him.

She always radiated the type of energy you knew Harry was attracted to.

Her eyes met yours as she saw the two of you from across the room.

She raised her hand up to wave with a sparkling smile on her face.

You both waved back as she held up a hand to let you know she’d be over in a little bit before turning back to her current conversation.

“She always reminded me of you,” you said after a few moments.

Harry didn’t say anything, instead, he turned to look at you with a still face.

“Even before I found out about the two of you, she’d say something in a meeting, and I just couldn’t help but think you’d say the same thing in the same situation,” you explained.

“It just made sense, the two of you,” you said quietly.

Harry nodded again, taking a sip of his drink.

“Thank you,” he finally said after a minute of comfortable silence.

“For?”

He shrugged, not really knowing why he said that.

“For not freaking out, for being here, for being everything that you are.”

You thought something like that would make your heart shatter, but it didn’t.

“You know I’d do anything for you,” you paused. “For the both of you.”

He nodded again, this time looking a little upset. You could still read him like a book. You knew he was on the verge of saying something he wasn’t sure if he should actually say.

So you took the leap before he could.

“We were something, don’t you think so?” You said softly.

You looked at him as he looked across the room, watching Katherine as she talked to another one of your employees.

If you hadn’t been staring at him as intently as you were, you would’ve missed the slight nod of his head.

“But I’m not the one.”

He turned to look at you after he said that, and you locked eyes.

“I know,” you said as you smiled at him. “But wouldn’t it have been fun?”

Harry’s smile matched yours, adoring the way you just said what you were thinking. Something you had such a hard time with years ago.

He simply nodded his head, his smile not faltering as he held his glass up to yours.

You held yours up as well, hitting it against his with a small clink.

“To the future Mr. and Mrs. Styles,” you said.

He shook his head slightly, a smirk adorning his face.  

“I’ve done enough of those today,” he said.

He pulled back his glass to clink against yours again.

“To us.”

Share! Reblog! Comment! Send me love! 

Not tagging anyone on this bad boy since you signed up for Calum/Shawn, but send me an ASK if you’d like to be added and state FOR WHICH PEOPLE

[tcm]

HOLIDAY (’38) by Kim Luperi

As a young girl in northern New Jersey, Friday or Saturday night trips to the Rockaway Mall were routine—and just about the only entertainment, besides going to the movies, suburban Jersey had to offer a teen. One evening, while browsing my favorite video store, Saturday Matinee (which is still there!), I casually passed the classic movie section and stopped in my tracks. My eyes were drawn to a VHS of HOLIDAY (’38).

More specifically, Katharine Hepburn’s eyelashes.

I couldn’t have been more than 12 years old, and I had so many questions: How could eyelashes look like that? Were they real? Was this normal? (This was long before I knew anything about makeup, and though I can barely claim to know more now, rest assured I have heard of fake lashes and eyelash curlers.)

None of my questions initially concerned the movie itself, for I was too entranced by the cover to turn it over and actually read the description. But the seed of intrigue was planted and classics were officially on my radar. I don’t recall ever being mesmerized by a film sleeve or setting eyes on someone as enthralling as Katharine Hepburn, and when I finally watched the movie that night, I was hooked.

Philip Barry’s 1928 play about a man, free-spirited Johnny (played by Cary Grant in the 1938 film), who finds that his theories on life and work clash with those of his well-to-do fiancée’s family—save for black sheep older sister Linda, portrayed by Hepburn—was adapted for the screen in 1930 and 1938, with a crucial distinction in reception between the two. In their review for the Grant-Hepburn reboot, the Los Angeles Times wondered if audiences “hard-pressed for that contemptible thing called money, will go the whole way with Johnny as they did eight short years ago.” Spoiler alert: They didn’t. Many reviews for the 1938 version lauded George Cukor’s take as being on par—or even better, some claimed—than the 1930 adaptation. But the original picture was a “smash hit,” as Variety remembered, while Cukor’s “recession remake,” despite critical raves, was not.

Some historians volunteer an obvious fact as to the difference in reception: Johnny’s intent to ditch a prospective cushy job in favor of the unknown, at a time when so many people were struggling to land anything, probably didn’t sit well with Depression-era audiences; while the 1930 version was also released during the economic crisis, the toughest years were yet to come, with the unemployment rate that year hovering around 9% compared to 1938’s 19%. Thus, despite publications like Film Daily triumphing Cukor’s “sympathetic” direction and Time claiming that the performances and writing save the movie, the class disparity HOLIDAY accentuates was most likely a turn off for working-class audiences who had experienced more than eight years of suffering.

Right before the 2018 holiday season, I revisited George Cukor’s 80-year-old comedy and found that it resonated well with our modern-day attitudes and social climate on both ends of the spectrum. As we enter 2019, many people face economic hardship and/or deem the world dangerously unstable, situations that could elicit a similar negative reaction to Johnny’s plan to renounce steady pay and security in favor of a long holiday. On the other hand, that same volatility, with a sense of unknown regarding the future, could also prompt modern-day viewers to agree with Johnny’s decision. I can imagine newer members of the workforce would be more apt to take advantage of today’s unpredictability and opt to enjoy life while they’re young, with the idea that the job market can be re-entered later, hopefully when society is a little more stable.

With the world hurtling forward at a breakneck speed, it would probably benefit everyone to take some time to appreciate life and where you are in your journey, like Johnny in HOLIDAY. But as was the case in the 1930s, that’s a luxury not everyone can afford. I’m generally not a fan of remaking classics, but I’d be curious to see this class-conscious tale reimagined as a modern-day dramedy. I do wonder, though, if 2019 Johnny would still retain the courage of his Depression-era convictions.

[aion-rsa]

The Da Vinci Code: A Better, Smarter Blockbuster Than You Remember

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I didn’t get it. When Ron Howard’s The Da Vinci Code took the world by storm in 2006, I was far from being a professional critic, but I could still be highly critical of something like this. It was an adaptation of the biggest literary phenomenon of the decade not starring Harry Potter, and it was arriving in cinemas with the kind of media frenzy usually reserved for Star Wars. All the while, its rollout suggested it had aspirations to be an awards contender. How could something that high-handed live up to that kind of hype?

As a splashy Hollywood version of Dan Brown’s most popular potboiler, The Da Vinci Code premiered at the Cannes Film Festival in May and was the subject of countless faux-examinations about early Christianity on the cable news circuit—as well as the object of ire for some modern Christians’ growing need for perpetual outrage. Protests occurred at theaters throughout the U.S., while other international markets banned it outright. And all of that cacophonous noise was over… a pretty middle-of-the-road adventure movie. One that features Tom Hanks earnestly looking into the camera to declare “I need to get to a library!” as the music swells. Really?!

So, yes, I missed the appeal. And judging by the infamous catcalls the movie received at Cannes, which were followed by a tepid critical drubbing in the international press, I wasn’t alone in thinking the movie amounted to a lot of overinflated hoopla.

But a funny thing happened when I sat down to watch it on Netflix the other day, about 15 years after its release: I realized what a big goofy delight the movie could be with the right mindset, and what I as a teenager—and so much of the contemporary film press during its time—missed out on.

To be sure, The Da Vinci Code is still a ludicrous story that both benefited from and was weighed down by the sensationalism of its conceit. Written on the page by Brown like any other airplane-ready page-turner, with nearly each short chapter ending to the implicit musical sting of “dun-dun-DUN!,” the book is a pleasantly conceived time-filler. It’s about secret societies, dastardly supervillains, and a matinee idol for the academia set named Robert Langdon. Essentially Indiana Jones if Harrison Ford never took off the tweed jacket, Langdon is an expert in the real world field of art history and the fictional one of symbology, and his monologues give the proceedings a nice bit of pseudo-intellectual window-dressing. It’s all no more challenging to the viewer (or their storyteller) than the background details provided by M in James Bond flicks.

This formula turned Brown’s first Robert Langdon novel, Angels & Demons, into a literary hit, but what made The Da Vinci Code an international phenomenon—and thereby grabbed Hollywood’s attention—was the kernel of a brilliantly explosive idea: What if the MacGuffin in the next story wasn’t some abstract relic from antiquity but something that would challenge our very idea of Christianity today? What if the story of the “Grail Quest” turned out to be evidence that Jesus Christ was married? And what if Christ had children by that marriage?

And, finally, what if the evil “Illuminati” baddies here were an offshoot of the Catholic Church wanting to cover it all up?

Brown derived this twist from the research of Lynnn Picknett and Clive Prince in The Templar Revelation, a highly speculative text which posits the relationship between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene has been downplayed for millennia by the Catholic Church, beginning with the Council of Nicaea—the ecumenical Roman council in 325 C.E. that essentially decided which early Christian texts would comprise the New Testament and which would not—and continued through Leonardo da Vinci secretly placing Mary Magdalene in his “The Last Supper��� mural by putting her at the right hand of Christ. In an era with a growing interest in conspiracy theories, this one was the mother lode.

Brown took these fringe theological ideas  and gave them an erudite sheen in The Da Vinci Code while still essentially writing a piece of fluff. It’s an international escapade where the MacGuffin is the most interesting element.

This made for an addictive beach read, but in Howard and Sony Pictures’ pricey movie adaptation, the pretenses were heightened to operatic levels. Consider the way Howard and cinematographer Salvatore Totino bask in the oppressive shadows entombing the frame whenever Paul Bettany’s murderous Brother Silas appears on screen. As a homicidal albino monk, Silas wouldn’t look out of place battling Roger Moore over nuclear codes. But Howard’s film plays it completely straight by coveting each shot of Silas’ self-mutilations and prayers, and by suggesting the character has something profound to say about the zealotry of religion (or perhaps just the Catholic sect of Opus Dei).

Similarly, Hans Zimmer writes a lush ecclestial score throughout the film, seeming to imply this is some mighty exploration of religion, and a study in the conflict between faith and skepticism. After all, the doubting Langdon is forced to revisit his Catholic School youth when he discovers his new friend is the direct descendent of Jesus Christ.

That all these elements ultimately act as scaffolding for a popcorn movie in which adults can indulge in entertaining a little heresy, or at least give lip service to religious introspection while also cheering the car chases and convoluted plot twists, turned off plenty of critics. Yet it’s fair to now wonder if such middlebrow pleasures simply went over some heads?

As a film, The Da Vinci Code is a lot more basic than its presentation suggests. Nevertheless, there is an intriguing premise at its heart that made it an international watercooler discussion in the first place, and the perfect culture war lightning rod of the Bush years.

While I wish Brown did more with the megaton-potential of his setup, he nevertheless provided an unusually brainy foundation for his potboiler. One in which subjects like medieval history, early Christian theology, and the treasures of the Louvre were put front in center in pop culture, as opposed to superheroes and space wizards.

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It’s still a frustration that The Da Vinci Code and its sequels abandoned his pearl of a MacGuffin right when its intrigue was at its highest. Genuinely, what would you do if you discovered you’re the last living descendent of Christ and can change the world religions with a single DNA test? Even so, rather than relying on ultimately meaningless plot devices like magical space stones, or cursed pirate treasure, Brown’s story caused audiences to examine the foundations of their world, and the origins of the tenets that might guide their lives.

Whether or not the Templar Order really found the remains of Mary Magdalene and realized she was the bride of Christ, the origins of what is and is not Christianity, or Christlike, being decided by a bunch of acrimonious bishops at Nicaea challenges viewers to more seriously interrogate what they accept as handed down gospel. And the millennia-long persecution of women touched upon in The Da Vinci Code ferrets out the enduring realities of modern gender dynamics, even if Brown and Howard tack a wacky and amusing conspiracy theory on top of it.

The Da Vinci Code is popcorn soaked in bombastic media hype, but it still leaves you with more to digest than the type of mainstream blockbuster spectacles that have replaced it in the last 15 years—often while receiving far less rigorous criticism from the modern film press.

Consider how in the pivotal scene on which The Da Vinci Code turns, Ian McKellen makes a meal out of the reams of exposition he’s handed. It’s left to McKellen’s mischievous smile to sell and explain the vast historical background that informs the film’s thesis. In most modern blockbusters, these scenes have been reduced to the perfunctory—bare bone obligations that must be met as quickly and unexceptionally as possible. But the narrative mystique that occurs when such exposition is handled with awe is at the very heart of The Da Vinci Code, and the movie sparks to life within the twinkle of McKellen’s eye.

“She was no such thing,” McKellen’s Sir Leigh Teabing bellows when the misconception of Mary Magdalene being a prostitute is mentioned. “Smeared by the Church in 591 Anno Domini, the poor dear. Magdalene was Jesus’ wife.” The anger in McKellen’s voice perhaps betrays an all too personal knowledge of the mistruths spread in the name of religious orthodoxy. And when he asks other characters to “imagine then that Christ’s throne might live on in a female child,” audiences are likewise invited to conspire–dreaming of the potential real world implications of an otherwise wild fantasy.

It may not be great art or history, but The Da Vinci Code uses both to offer a great time—or at least a pretty good one where Paul Bettany is depicting obsession with God instead of cosmic cubes. And 15 years later, after its era of star-led spectacles has passed, the picture still works as a blockbuster meant to entertain adults with at least a passing interest in issues more mature than what they used to talk about on playgrounds. Given the state of modern Hollywood tentpoles, that sounds blasphemous, indeed.

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[jamesginortonblog]

By Ben Lawrence

James Norton has cut-glass cheekbones, hair that’s an artistic shade of blond and light brown eyes across which emotions drift like rain clouds. He is constantly objectified by female fans (the curious should look out for websites with names such as Norton Addiction), and yet it is the words of his great-aunt, Grainne, which resonate most clearly for the 31-year-old actor. “She said she couldn’t understand why I looked so good on TV because she thought I looked so bland in real life.”

Only someone with a healthy dollop of self-esteem would admit to being thought of as bland, and indeed there is a lack of neurosis about Norton, which I imagine  serves him well in a fickle industry. “I look at some people, men and women, who are breathtakingly beautiful and I know they will always play the romantic lead. I did get a jawline at some point, but I don’t feel limited by the roles I’ve been offered. I feel that I’ve been entrusted with parts that are more than just me being the matinee idol.”

Those roles, to date, have included the tragic, brilliant young aristocrat Andre, searching for a sense of purpose away from the ballrooms of St Petersburg in War and Peace; the psychotic thug Tommy Lee Royce in Sally Wainwright’s Happy Valley; and Sidney Chambers, the unworldly, questing, jazz-loving vicar of detective series Grantchester, which returns in a couple of weeks. That show, set in Fifties Cambridge, has been occasionally dismissed as cosy heritage television, but Norton will defend it to the hilt.

“People’s perception is that it’s saccharine and sugar-coated, but really it doesn’t pull any punches and shows how far we’ve come – the fact that a gay man could be sent to prison, the deep-rooted racism – those suffocating parts of the Fifties that we’ve been able to leave behind.” Norton, however, is not simply upbraiding the past. His immersion in the role of Sidney has made him wonder if we are inclined to take our modern freedoms for granted and, indeed, whether the thing we might compartmentalise as “mindfulness” today was a fundamental part of mid-20th-century living. “You see moments of stillness in Sidney, where he is lost in prayer or thought or wrangling with the existential stuff. No one does that anymore. We don’t have enough boredom.”

Faith has been a thread throughout Norton’s life. He was raised a Catholic and, at 13, attended Ampleforth College, known as the Catholic Eton. “My school was archaic, I mean we were surrounded by monks who had taken their vows of celibacy and poverty and dedicated their lives to the rule of St Benedict. But they were also inspirational, particularly when you’re a teenager and confused about a lot of things. I remember one guy who had been in a band and had given up his rock and roll lifestyle in order to live in an abbey in North Yorkshire. To be surrounded by people like him was terribly affecting.”

Norton is no longer a practising Catholic, although he admits to being still intellectually curious about the faith that shaped his formative years. He admires the way in which Pope Francis is dragging Catholicism into the 21st century and believes that institutionalised religion is often a necessity. “It is a human construct, and although it’s fallible, it is a crucial way for some people to explore their sense of the divine.”

He also believes it can offer more: “Through my parents, I met a vicar who was a traditional Anglican and I went to see him at his church. What struck me was that they [his parishioners] turned to him for more than just spiritual guidance. He is a remarkable force in that little community.” While filming Grantchester, Norton says that it has become clear that fans sometimes blur fiction and reality. When the position of vicar at the real Grantchester became vacant, he had a letter suggesting he might apply. When he’s on set, dressed in a dog collar and robed, people come up to him and start asking him about a thorny passage in, for example, Mark, Chapter V. I suggest that he might be well-equipped to engage, given that he graduated from Cambridge with a degree in theology.

“Honestly, I would have no idea,” he laughs. “Much of my degree was in Hinduism or Buddhism, I’m really not up on Christian theology.” It must be strange, I say, that Norton is back in a city which was a defining part of his past, but is now inhabiting a fictional world. “I take Robson [Green, who plays Sidney’s sidekick Geordie Keating] and other members of the production punting on the Cam and give them my version of the Cambridge tour, which is basically just people falling out of trees or jumping over bridges. It’s nice to have the opportunity to be nostalgic and share that with new friends.”

Grantchester has done for Cambridge what Inspector Morse did for Oxford and Norton says that filming can become incredibly intense when a crowd gathers. He hasn’t experienced anything that would suggest stalking and believes the goodness of Sidney’s character filters down to the show’s fans. Has he received marriage proposals? He is, after all, perfect husband material. “I am definitely not perfect husband material,” says Norton.

I say that I mean his character, Sidney, but Norton seems unsure. “I don’t know. He’s got commitment issues and any woman would have to be a lover of Sidney Bechet…”

Norton has a dry sense of humour and seems determined not to take himself too seriously. He lives in Peckham and is dating his War and Peace co-star Jessie Buckley who, one assumes, is sanguine about his female fans. One only wonders at the eruption of hysteria should Norton become James Bond. His is a name that surfaces at regular intervals in the speculation over who replaces Daniel Craig. Has he thought about it?

“Well, of course, if the question is asked it does make you think about it,” he says. “I mean, there is so much madness about the whole thing, but it is always very flattering to be part of the conversation.”

For now, Norton is busy enough. His projects include a remake of the seminal Nineties hit film Flatliners, in which he co-stars with Ellen Page. Back then, to that question of looks which will become more pertinent as Norton’s stock continues to rise. “You can play up to the looks thing, but I think, ultimately, you have autonomy in how you define your career. Anyway, I think I look quite normal.” Great-aunt Grainne would be proud.

[esteliel]

In further theatre news, two days ago I saw Travesties - got a cheap rush ticket but even so I’d recommend not to bother. This was definitely enough Stoppard for the year now.

But I also went and saw the Les Mis matinee today because I’d never seen Hayden combined with Adam’s Valjean, and just as I had suspected these two do a VERY energetic Confrontation! Adam’s Valjean even makes a little come on gesture after Fantine’s death when they confront each other again. :D

Hayden’s Javert is still A+++ pure fanfic Javert. The way he swaggers across the stage smirking at every criminal and every Valjean who crosses his way is such a joy to watch. He’s so proud of his cudgel too and is twisting and twirling it all the time. If I can’t get Tam Mutu for a film version of the slavefic, I think Hayden would do a great job as well...

Charlotte Kennedy was super cute as Cosette today. Hollie’s Eponine still does absolutely zero for me. Marius is still okay - but I was SO surprised by Chris Cowley. I think I haven’t seen him since his very first show as Enjolras, where he mostly seemed very bland to me. Well, today he was all FERVOR, which pleased me far more! Very enjoyable to watch!

The highlight of the show was when just in the silence when old Valjean enters for his death with the table and the candles, someone dropped a book or maybe a brochure right from above us, all the top from the upper circle, and it went down to the orchestra pit with this fluttering noise dropped books make.

Hayden’s Suicide was also super intense today. It was really interesting to me how today he seemed to be the only actor who was able to really take over the entire stage whenever he was on it - like Earl, he really gives 1000% in every scene - just in a very different way to Earl’s focused, collected Javert. Adam really doesn’t have the gravitas yet to counter the way Hayden fills the stage in his scenes; it would have been interesting to see Hayden and Peter together on stage.

I’m seeing Hayden and Simon for Hayden’s final show on Saturday, and while I wasn’t that impressed when I last saw Simon, it’ll still be interesting to compare again. But Hayden broke apart very beautifully today, laughing a little at Valjean’s plea in the sewer even while he allowed him to go, his shirt open and his hair already undone.

He is such a fanfic Javert, and as such really entertaining to me, and now I want to bury myself in fic again thanks to this afternoon. <3

[50shadesofregret]

The Woman Who Walked Out on Christian Grey

Two years ago, I celebrated Valentine’s Day by going to watch 50 Shades of Grey in theaters with three of my coworkers. The highlight of the evening was unquestionably the four frat guys sitting behind us, expounding on their theory that Christian Grey is secretly Sex Batman.

This year the movie came early, so I went alone. With all due credit to Ernest Hemingway, “One for Fifty Shades Darker, please” is one of the saddest six word stories you’ll ever hear. 

There were only twelve of us in the theater - not too much of a surprise, because I chose to go to the 10:30 matinee screening. Normally, you’ll see moviegoers group together, around the prime viewing seats. Our motley crew spread out as far apart as humanly possible.

Sometimes, A Flower is Not a Vagina 50 Shades Darker stayed true to the books, starting with the first of Christian’s nightmares, remembering his tortured past. The film next cuts to extreme close-ups of white roses, shot in the style of Georgia O’Keeffe paintings to draw the metaphor out. Did you know that O’Keeffe vehemently denied her paintings represented vaginas? Anyway, it turns out these flowers are not vaginas either - they’re a special delivery of two dozen long-stemmed white roses, delivered to Ana’s apartment by way of apology for literally everything that happened in the first film.

The Mystery of Boyce Fox Five minutes into the film, Ana reports in to Jack Hyde that she discovered a manuscript by a promising author named Boyce Fox. You might know Boyce Fox from that one time he was mentioned in passing in 50 Shades Freed...or from the announcement that Tyler Hoechlin would be playing him in 50 Shades Darker.

This announcement was a filthy lie. If Hoechlin filmed any scenes for the movie, they were cut. That’s right: the only shirtless Hoechlin pictures you’re getting out of the film is this one, from Teen Wolf.

Yes, that’s right, Teen Wolf had more shirtless Hoechlin than 50 Shades. I’m angry about that too.

We do get to learn a bit more about Bryce Fox as the film progresses, though. He writes political thrillers for 18-24 year olds, and got over 80,000 online hits! Ana enjoyed the parallels between his latest work and Dante’s Inferno.

Some of the Best Scenes Were Added The movie actually had some genuinely enjoyable moments - and all of them were new. Towards the beginning of the movie, Christian and Ana are at a restaurant. Christian orders two glasses of a wine that I’m sure is fancy. The waiter explains they only sell that wine by the bottle. Christian scowls broodingly. While Christian and Ana talk, the waiter comes back with the bottle and spends the next 15-20 seconds loudly struggling to open the wine bottle, which is making quite the ruckus. The foley artists must have had a field day with that scene.

Christian Grey is not a Dominant One of the added scenes surprised me - Christian Grey took a firm stance arguing about his particular breed of kink. After subduing Leila, movie Christian explains that “I’m not a Dominant. I’m a sadist.” This is a stark departure from the books, where Christian claims he’s both a Dominant and a sadist:

“I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you look like the crack whore - my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.” “...You said you weren’t a sadist,” I whisper, desperately trying to understand...make some excuse for him.” “No, I said I was a Dominant. If I lied to you, it was a lie of omission. I’m sorry.”

This was clearly intentional and likely serves an important purpose, but I don’t know enough about drawing venn diagrams around Dominants and sadists to know why they did it.

The Woman Who Walked Out on Christian Grey I suppose I should talk about the sex scenes, if only because the movie’s stars were banned from talking about it during promotional interviews. There were maybe four sex scenes in the movie. I might have missed one.

Sex Scene #1 - All of this is wrong This is the longest sex scene in the movie, and actually had some funny moments. In the book, Ana starts off the hanky panky tentatively:

“Kiss me,” I whisper. “Where?” “You know where.” “Where?” Oh, he’s taking no prisoners. Embarrassed I quickly point at the apex of my thighs, and he grins wickedly. I close my eyes, mortified, but at the same time beyond aroused.

For the movie version, Ana says “kiss me” as Christian is kneeling in front of her. As he starts to stand to kiss her, Ana pushes his head back down. Not going to lie, I laughed at that moment. Vastly improved. Christian never quite gets his pants off, so part of their vanilla sex includes a scene of his pants half down, his belt hanging over the rise of his butt.

There’s a new exchange, and Ana says “It’s all wrong. All of this is wrong...sex is not going to fix this right now...are you insane?” I don’t remember the context, but I agree 100%. They do the harlot-red lipstick scene, and we get to see Christian’s no-go zone. Then, Christian pulls out a pair of silver beads and puts them inside Ana. One of the other theater goers exclaims, “what the heck!”

Sex Scene #2 - Spanking Christian spanks Ana’s buttocks. Christian keeps wearing his clothes. I think maybe they also had sex? He’s still got the red lipstick on, anyway.

The pair go into the Red Room of Torture. The same woman who exclaimed “what the heck” goes, “JESUS! Straps, and belts, and...” She doesn’t elaborate on the “and”, but about every 30 seconds now is marked by a new “Jesus”. I don’t think she knew what she was getting into. How could she not know what she was getting into for a sequel?

Sex Scene #3 - Jesus Lady Walks Out Christian carries Ana over his shoulder from the Red Room to the Bed Room. They go past Mrs Jones the housekeeper, and out comes the spreader bar.

Jesus lady walks out. Christian extends the spreader bar, then uses it to flip Ana over. Too bad...Jesus lady made it past the most salacious scenes.

Sex Scene #4 - The Elevator Fingering Christian tells Ana to take her underwear off at a restaurant, and then fingers her in the elevator. They’re standing in the back, so nobody notices. No one whispered “Jesus”.

Sex Scene #5 - The Bodice Ripper It’s raining. They’re making out. The only other thing I remember about this sex scene is that Christian actually ripped open Ana’s bodice. They made 50 Shades Darker a literal bodice-ripper. I don’t remember anything else about this scene. I miss Jesus lady. Why did she leave me?

Cue the Credits Halfway through the credits, a teaser trailer for 50 Shades Freed popped up. I was the only one still in the theater at that point, except for the one family that popped into the theater early because Lego Batman was screening next.

Awkward...

For those of you who are excited about this movie, stick around for the end of the credits. You’ll get your Shawarma Moment.

Overall Thoughts Dwelling on the fact that 1 out of 12 theatergoers walked out of my screening of 50 Shades Darker is a bit unfair - the poor woman clearly didn’t know what she was getting into, although I still can’t imagine how that possibly could have happened.

The movie had moments I genuinely enjoyed, and I got tricked into finding Christian and Ana endearing on more than one occasion. But the changes only helped make the movie tolerable. No amount of script doctoring could fix the source material’s pacing issues, as major plot points materialized and got resolved in minutes.

Jack Hyde is seen as a legitimate threat for all of five minutes before getting removed from the picture. Christian’s dramatic near-death experience similarly gets resolved in a heartbeat. The Leila subplot almost makes up for it by drawing out tension for the first half of the movie...before Christian makes the problem go away by asking the girl to kneel. 

I’d say you can’t put lipstick on a pig, but...well, we did have that one lipstick scene. It was better, at least?

Today’s Lesson: Every screening of Fifty Shades should come with a scandalized woman whispering “Jesus” every few minutes.

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Mummy (2017): A Review

Published on June 21, 2017 by Charlotte Medina

I watched The Mummy today ☹

Yes, I actually did it. I had to because I wanted to be fully informed before expressing my full opinion. And the movie was bad. Oh, so so bad.

I had initially planned on purchasing a ticket for another movie that would start at about the same time as The Mummy. That way, I wouldn’t be contributing to the revenue of this awful studio piece, but since it was a matinee with not many other films being shown at the time, I couldn’t execute my “evil” plan successfully. To be honest, I was running a bit late… Although, I’m kind of a week late on this review already… Oh well!

Darn it… I contributed to the revenue of a bad movie...

Anyway…  SPOILERS AHEAD (Wait, can there be any more of them?)

I adopted a neutral mentality as I took my seat in the theater so that I could enjoy the show. The Universal globe spun around to reveal “Dark Universe,” which will be their new brand of films that will bring back classic monsters (FYI, these stories will have a sort of crossover in each movie). This is followed by a quote “inspired” from 1999’s The Mummy, “Death is only the beginning.” (I’m sincerely hoping all of you have watched it, as the new version is very different from the past one. There are many of these “references” along this new movie but they don’t count as such because the events on 1999’s are never mentioned on 2017’s).

The movie begins with a burial happening in England, 1127. It’s of a priest who in his hands carries a shiny red stone that reminds me of Nicholas Flamel’s philosopher’s stone. We immediately jump to the present as construction unburies the site, and a strange man narrates to us the past: Now we are in ancient Egypt. It’s the story of Ahmanet, an ancient Egyptian princess who was the only child and heir of the Pharaoh until her baby brother is born. She makes a pact with Seth, god of death (wait a minute, isn’t that Anubis?), for her to become ruler of the land. She is to kill her family with a sacred knife which has the red stone attached to it and also to provide a male body as a vessel for Seth to be physically present in the world.

Despite the graceless setup, I became interested in the backstory and wanted to learn more. Sadly, it was not meant to stand on its own and certain questions are left unanswered. For example, we only get a vague explanation of how the priest in the Middle Ages priest came to own the stone.

Back to the narration, things go totally wrong for princess Ahmanet, of course. After killing her family, she's interrupted right in the middle of the required sacrificial ritual she’s doing over Seth’s body, to get punished and then she’s buried alive. Her cursed body is sent far, far away…

The movie switches then to modern day. We are in former Mesopotamia, today Iraq. In the middle of the war because of course, it’s always nice to pay homage to the American troops. Soldiers and treasure hunters Nick (Tom Cruise) and Chris Vail (Jake Johnson) overlook the town from above and soon come down from their vantage point to stir up trouble and accidentally discover the tomb. Jenny (Annabelle Wallis) shows up and slaps Nick (I can’t believe half of the audience laughed at this. Ok there were only 8 of us in the room). Apparently, they slept together and he stole her map while she was sleeping. Fast forward, they enter the tomb, Nick has visions of Ahmanet thanking him for freeing her, they take the sarcophagus and, while on the plane, chaos erupts when Vail is being mind-controlled due to having been bitten by one of the tomb’s bugs. Nick shoots him. Crows take the plane down. Jenny takes off on a parachute. Nick dies and then comes back to life in the morgue.

Although flawed, the sequence mentioned above runs excitingly and pushes the story into what I thought would be fun. The rest, however, falls under its own weight as it felt the movie began falling apart due to its poor writing. The jokes (?), the trying-too-hard to be as campy as the 1999 version, the introduction to Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde… but most importantly: how the mummy of Princess Ahmanet, who is delivering chaos in England while and after being captured, makes the story shift so it all becomes about Nick, and he ends up becoming the monster himself. It was already too much to ask to have a woman as a monster!

Time for some positivity: Jenny actually disagrees with Dr. Jekyll on paralyzing Ahmanet as she, in my own words, counts as an archeological asset having witnessed ancient history. I’d like to give kudos to Universal for casting Algerian actress Sofia Boutella as Ahmanet, and to the production designers, art directors, and cinematographers because the sets looked gorgeous. That’s it.

The Mummy was heavily marketed to excite the masses. IMDb shows a big animated ad.

With all due respect to the cast, I felt sorry for all of them after each line they delivered. In my seat, I wondered if the movie was supposed to be funny in moments such as when Jenny and Nick appear in front of cows, or during the interactions with Dr. Jekyll, or the worst ones: Chris Vails’ ghost’s taunts with Nick.

Sure, I get it. Hollywood has been a for-entertainment-purposes movie making machine for almost a century. But just the way in which they have leaned towards using technology in the aesthetic favor of films, studios should acknowledge that humanity is evolving as well. We are growing into becoming an audience that is getting past the recent imposed oppressive tactics of the white male conqueror at the end of the movie. Viewers do appreciate originality, and very few squeal in joy when they hear about their classic favorite movie getting a reboot or a total makeover.

[newyorktheater]

Coriolanus starring Tom Hiddleston, see June 4

Carousel with Nathan Gunn Kelli O’Hara. See June 5

Jonny Orsini and Nathan Lane in The Nance, See June 12

Heroes of the Fourth Turning see June 13

Aenid Moloney in “Yes! Reflections of Molly Bloom” see June 16 (Bloom’s Day of course)

Click here for June 1 openings

Below is the calendar of “theater openings”* for June, 2020, with many online shows, series and festivals showcasing LGBTQ Pride Month, and the entire list demonstrating the perseverance and resilience of an art form that is adjusting to the shut-down of physical stages.

Among the one-time only star-studded spectacles in June: We Are One Public at the Public Theater (see June 1), two different Tony Awards celebrations (see June 7, the date that the Tony Awards would have taken place) and the New York Times’ “Offstage: Opening  Night” (see June 11.) This last show launches a series that will feature performances from shows that opened (or should have opened) in the 2019-2020 season.

Pride Plays festival director Nick Mayo with producers Michael Urie and Doug Nevin

Among the other exciting new online series in June: Lincoln Center’s Dance Week  (which continues every day through June 4th) and its Broadway Fridays (Carousel on June 5th, The Nance on June 12, Act One on June 19), and Pride Plays, a partnership between Playbill and Rattlestick Playwrights Theater, which will present “a live streamed theatrical event from the LGBTQIA+ theatrical canon” every Friday in June (including Mort Crowley’s sequel to The Boys in the Band. See June 26)  — plus 11 new LGBT plays by emerging writers at dates yet to be announced.

Also take note of The Civilians’ ninth annual Findings series, which for the first time is going online. The five offerings in this year’s groundbreaking documentary theater series share “a common thread of how humanity perseveres and seeks out joy through adversity.”

Since so many shows are being put together at the last minute — sometimes not announced until the very day of their launch — I will be updating/filling in this preview guide every day, and highlighting the offerings each new day with the link up top. This calendar as of this moment offers a glimpse of what’s  in store. Come back day by day for a better look.

Here are some ongoing series that have proven to be reliable sources of art and entertainment.

Four offer live performances (often called readings) of original plays: The Homebound Project Livelabs: One Acts from MCC Play-PerView Viral Monologues from 24 Hour Plays

(Play-PerView makes an exception to its original plays with what counts as a coup — the live reading of the Pulitzer finalist play Heroes of the Fourth Turning. see June 13)

A fifth offers live readings of classics and recent favorites: Plays in the House, Stars in the House’s twice weekly matinees  and now Plays in the House Teen Edition.

Three offer recordings of previous (glorious) stage productions.

Metropolitan Opera National Theatre at Home The Shows Must Go On from Andrew Lloyd Webber

For details about these and other ongoing series, check out my post Where To Get Your Theater Fix Online  (which lists, for example, the many long-running online sites such as BraadwayHD and Marquee TV that offer video-capture recordings of shows that were on stage)

All performances are free unless otherwise noted, although almost all hope for a donation (either to themselves or to a designated charity.)

*My definition of theater for the purposes of this calendar generally does not extend to variety shows, cast reunions, galas, panel discussions, documentaries, classes, interviews — all of which are in abundance this month, many worth checking out, but it would be too Herculean a task to list them all in a monthly calendar. My focus here is on creative storytelling in performance. (I make an occasional exception for a high-profile Netathon,involving many theater artists.)

June 1

We Are One Public The Public Theater Live beginning at 8 p.m. A 90-minute Netathon (my term for the starry online fundraising concerts of the pandemic era) featuring “cameo appearances” by Jane Fonda, Alicia Keys, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Meryl Streep, and “stories and songs” by Antonio Banderas, Laura Benanti, Kim Blanck, Ally Bonino, Danielle Brooks, Glenn Close, Jenn Colella, Elvis Costello, Claire Danes, Holly Gould, Danai Gurira, Anne Hathaway, Stephanie Hsu, Oscar Isaac, Nikki M. James, John Leguizamo, Audra McDonald, Grace McLean, Sandra Oh, Mia Pak, David Hyde Pierce, Phillipa Soo, Trudie Styler & Sting, Will Swenson, Shaina Taub, Kuhoo Verma, Ada Westfall, Kate Wetherhead.

The Revenger’s Tragedy Red Bull Theater Launches 7:30 p.m. Jesse Berger’s adaptation of Thomas Middleton’s Jacobean thriller, written a few years after Hamlet, is a searing examination of humankind’s social need for justice and our animal desire for vengeance. Vindice, the “Revenger,” sets off a chain reaction of havoc in a corrupt and decadent Venice.

The Absolute Brightness of Leonard Pelkey 92nd Y Recording launches at 8 p.m, available through June 30 Donation to 92nd Street Y required A recording of the one-man show written and performed by James Lecesne, whose short film “Trevor” spawned The Trevor Project, a national suicide prevention helpline for LGBTQ youth. I liked this show when I saw it Off-Broadway in 2015. From my review: “A 14-year-old boy is reported missing, and eventually found dead. Chuck DeSantis, who worked the case as a tough-talking detective “in a half-ass town down the Jersey shore,” begins to tell us the story as if it’s a murder mystery, a film noir on stage (“The dark side is my beat.”) But “The Absolute Brightness of Leonard Pelkey”…is not really a murder mystery. It is, above all, a showcase for the impressive theatrical talents of James Lecesne, who portrays the detective and eight other characters, male and female, young and old. He does this without props or a change of costumes — just precise, spot-on gestures; a shift in accent and manner of speech.”

Ten Stories: A Decameron The Builders Association https://www.buildersdecameron.com/

Throughout the month of May, The Buildings Association theater company presented five live half-hour episodes inspired by the Decameron, Boccaccio’s 14th-century plague-story. Starting today, all will be released for viewing

Burst Playground Zoomfest Launches 5 p.m. ET As part of the 25th anniversary celebration of the San Francisco Playground Festival of New Works (this year completely digital), this play by Rachel Bublitz focuses on Sarah Boyd, the head of one of the fastest growing tech companies in history, at a moment before everything bursts.

June 2

Coppélia Lincoln Center Part of Dance Week, the New York City Ballet presents the 19th century comic ballet of a mad inventor and the life-like doll he creates.

June 3

Pues Nada MCC Launches at 5:30 This latest play in the LiveLabs One Acts series is written by Aziza Barnes, and features Karen Pittman as St. Francis and Samira Wiley as Sunny

The Homebound Project #3 Launches at 7 p.m. Available through June 7 $10 donation to No Kid Hungry required (free to frontline and essential workers) This third edition of original plays fundraising for No Kid Hungry, on the theme of “champions,” features: Jennifer Carpenter and Thomas Sadoski in a work by John Guare, directed by Jerry Zaks; Ralph Brown in a work by Donnetta Lavinia Grays, directed by Jenna Worsham; Diane Lane in a work by Michael R. Jackson; Paola Lázaro in a work by Gina Femia, directed by Taylor Reynolds; Joshua Leonard in a work by Mara Nelson-Greenberg; Eve Lindley in a work by Daniel Talbott, directed by Kevin Laibson; Arian Moayed in a work by Xavier Galva; Ashley Park in a work by Bess Wohl, directed by Leigh Silverman; Will Pullen in a work by Samuel D. Hunter, directed by Jenna Worsham; Phillipa Soo in a work by Clare Barron, directed by Steven Pasquale; and Blair Underwood in a work by Korde Arrington Tuttle.

June 4

Coriolanus National Theatre Available through June 11 Tom Hiddleston (Betrayal, The Avengers, The Night Manager) plays the title role in Shakespeare’s searing tragedy of political manipulation and revenge.

AAADT_Revelations

Alvin Ailey Lincoln Center This last show in Dance Week is a 2015 broadcast featuring Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater performing Chroma, Grace, Takademe, and its signature dance, Revelations

June 5

Carousel Lincoln Center Launches at 8 p.m. The first of Lincoln Center’s Broadway Fridays features a free digital stream of its concert production of this Rodgers and Hammerstein musical featuring the New York Philharmonic and starring Kelli O’Hara, Nathan Gunn, Stephanie Blythe, Shuler Hensley, Jason Danieley,Jessie Mueller, Kate Burton, Tony winner John Cullum, and New York City Ballet dancers Robert Fairchild and Tiler Peck.

Brave Smiles…Another Lesbian Tragedy Pride Plays Launches at 7 p.m. The Five Lesbian Brothers (Maureen Angelos, Babs Davy, Dominique Dibbell, Peg Healey, and Lisa Kron) directed by Leigh Silverman.

Julius Caesar Irondale The second of four installments of a revised version of its 2016 show “1599” nspired by the book “A Year in the Life of William Shakespeare: 1599” by James Shapiro.

Candidate X The Civilians Launches at 3 p.m. Part of the Civilians “Findings” series, the show is “a dynamic cross between testimonial-based theatre and dance theatre,” celebrating “the risk-takers who challenge and defy the gendered expectations our country has of those who lead.”

The Nesting Instinct Playground Zoomfest Launches 5 p.m. E.T. Part of the 25th anniversary celebration of the San Francisco Playground Festival of New Works (this year completely digital): Two siblings in a house in a Florida flood zone, a pair of blue-footed boobies (those are birds) on a shrinking island are the characters in two of the intertwined stories in this play by Tom Bruett that explores parenthood, identity and the steadfast power of home in a world that is changing drastically.

June 6

The Rendering Cycle Playground Zoomfest Launches 5 p.m. ET As part of the 25th anniversary celebration of the San Francisco Playground Festival of New Works (this year completely digital), Genevieve Jessee’s ten interwoven short plays present a theatrical journey through 400 years of the African Diaspora. Directed by Margo Hall

June 7

Tony Awards Celebration Broadway on Demand and TonyAwards.com Launches 6 p.m. A Netathon for American Theatre Wing and The Broadway League, co-producers of The Tony Awards (which would have taken place tonight), the hour-long even will celebrate “the Broadway community, the Tony Awards®, and the global impact that Broadway has as a cultural touchstone around the world.”

Show of Shows: Broadway.com Salutes the Tonys Broadway.com Launches 7 p.m. Also a benefit for the Wing and the League, this one is produced by Paul Wontorek, who produced the 90th Sondheim celebration

June 9

Criminal Queerness Festival Dixon Place The first day of a festival that runs through June 29th, showcasing queer and trans artists from countries that criminalize or censor LGBTQ+ communities.

June 10

Black Feminist Video Game, African.Isch The Civilians Launches at 7 p.m. Part of the Civilians “Findings” series, the show presents a tapestry of theatrical narratives created from ethnographic interviews within the black community of Berlin, Germany.

June 11

Offstage: Opening Night Patti LuPone and Katrina Lenk and the cast of Company performing the show’s opening number; Tony winner Mary-Louise Parkerperforming a monologue from The Sound Inside; a chat with Slave Play scribe Jeremy O. Harris and a sing-along with Elizabeth Stanley from Jagged Little Pill. Times writers will also discuss some of their favorite moments from the truncated season. 7 p.m. Free, but need to register in advance

As You Like It Irondale The third of four installments of a revised version of its 2016 show “1599” nspired by the book “A Year in the Life of William Shakespeare: 1599” by James Shapiro.

June 12

The Nance Lincoln Center Launches at 8 p.m. A free digital stream of Lincoln Center Theater’s 2013 Broadway production of Douglas Carter Beane’s dark comedy starring Nathan Lane as a gay burlesque entertainer in the 1930s. ( My review)

One in two Pride Plays Donja R. Love’s portrait of what it means to be black and queer in America today.

June 13

Heroes of the Fourth Turning Play-Perview Launches at 8 p.m. Required $5 minimum donation A live one-time Zoom reading of this much-praised (and 2020 Pulitzer finalist) play by Will Arbery “It’s nearing midnight in Wyoming, where four young conservatives have gathered at a backyard after-party. They’ve returned home to toast their mentor Gina, newly inducted as president of a tiny Catholic college. But as their reunion spirals into spiritual chaos and clashing generational politics, it becomes less a celebration than a vicious fight to be understood.” My review when it was a Playwrights Horizons

  In These Uncertain Times Source Material Launches 7:30 p.m. A digital performance piece that uses drinking competitions, sad Chekhov monologues, and corona-virus meme collages to contemplate the impossibility of theater as we’ve known it, and forge a new path in the art form, while grieving for the past.

Best of Playground 24 Playground Zoomfest the top 10-minute plays from the 2019-20 season of the Playground Festival.

June 15

This Show Is Money The Civilians Launches at 8 p.m. A musical about the 1 and 99 percent, exploring how our choices with this fictional creation called money affect people around us in ways we find difficult to see.

June 16

Yes! Reflections of Molly Bloom Irish Rep The solo show excerpting the last chapter of “Ulysses” offered online on Bloom’s Day.

Looking for Leroy New Federal Theatre featuring AUDELCO Award winning actors Tyler Fauntleroy and Kim Sullivan, directed by Petronia Paley

June 18

Hamlet Irondale The third of four installments of a revised version of its 2016 show “1599” nspired by the book “A Year in the Life of William Shakespeare: 1599” by James Shapiro.

June 19

Act One Lincoln Center Broadway Fridays brings James Lapine stage adaptation of Moss Hart’s memoir for the stage, starring Tony Shalhoub, Andrea Martin and an especially winning Santino Fontana. My review from 2014

Masculinity Max Pride Plays A play by MJ Kaufman, directed by Will Davis

June 22

Against Women and Music The Civilians Launches at 3 p.m. Part of the Civilians’ Findings series, an anachronistic chamber musical that explores the notions of privilege, ambition and morality through the eyes of a female piano tuner in the 1800s. At that time, music was considered dangerous for women to play or even hear.

June 24

The Homebound Project #4

June 26

The Men from the Boys Pride Plays  Mort Crowley’s sequel to The Boys in the Band, showing what happens to the characters

June 28

Pride Spectacular Concert Playbill

June 30

Two Can Play New Federal Theatere Written by Trevor Rhone featuring Ron Bobb-Semple and Joyce Sylvester, directed by Clinton Turner Davis.

June 2020 Online Theater Openings: Pride and Perseverance. What’s Streaming Day by Day Click here for June 1 openings Below is the calendar of “theater openings”* for June, 2020, with many online shows, series and festivals showcasing LGBTQ Pride Month, and the entire list demonstrating the perseverance and resilience of an art form that is adjusting to the shut-down of physical stages.