#this was supposed to just be a doodle then this spawned on my screen

[the-dragon-girl-27]

Nightcord Miku

speedraw

[somevillainfuckery]

RANTETHING TIME, WORMS (pt.1 PTP)

I said I was gonna rant on some random interests of mine soooo- first rant, yippee! I was wanting to do a rant today anyways [even though I slept "today" away], and thought well I did some doodles of random characters, maybe that'll help, and Popee happened to catch my eye. Funny psychotic rabbit man that isn't luring kids into the back room 🤭 I kinda just binged a couple random episodes of that since I started getting tired of Salad Fingers and having to hear him moaning over a texture every ten seconds Apologizing ahead of time, this is way too long of a rant 🤦‍♂️ Watching some of PTP, I'm just chilling, watching Kedamono get traumatized for the millionth time and Popee being a spawn of satan, and then the worst thing on the planet decides to fill my screen- FUCKING PAPI. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WHO LIKES THE SILLY MAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG, I FUCKIN LOVE HIS DESIGN AND A COUPLE SCENES OF HIM, HE'S GREAT FOR THE SERIES, BUT THERES A PROBLEM. I noticed in some scenes he has some... gross tendencies, to say the least, and other times he kinda just sucks. Like how fuckin old is Popee?? He's definitely not an adult, or at least he doesn't act like it, I'm assuming he's fuckin 17 maybe a bit older- who in the actual fuck is gonna step up to their teenage, almost adult son, with a goddamn bottle??? LIKE- STOP. PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU. POPEE IS NOT OK WITH IT, EVERYONE CAN SEE EVEN KEDAMONO IS BOTHERED BY IT, I ALREADY KNOW AT LEAST SOME OF YOU AS VEIWERS WERE BOTHERED BY IT. AND HIS RESPONSE TO THEM NOT DOING WHAT HE WANTS IS.. BECOMING GOD OR SOMETHING???

HUH??? I mean sure the argument for him is just he wanted to help- but Papi, that is NOT the proper help needed here, and I feel like nobody should have to actually point that out, he's an adult and should know that. And then another thing that kinda freaks me out is the reoccurring theme of vore? Yeah pretty sure rule34 artists had a lotta fun with this episode 😭 And what's worse is that his ass is unbearable in other episodes as well, not as freaky as this shit maybe, but still overall not making a good image for him. Poison happens to be one of my favorite episodes, just another episode where Popee gets sick of Kedamono basically existing. Papi is there of course, but he kinda just makes me uncomfortable the whole time like-

YOU'RE JUST SUCKING POISON OUT TO MAKE SURE THEY DON'T DIE. YOU DO NOT NEED TO LOOK AT YOUR SON THIS WAY. I'M ACTUALLY ON POPEE'S SIDE HERE, I WOULD ACTUALLY PREFER PUTTING A GUN TO MY HEAD THAN LET THIS MAN HELP. Really don't like how the scene goes, and when shit hits the fan you just- kill your kid?! EXCUSE ME??? Of course, as I said, there's other shit that just- doesn't sit right with me, now no its not exactly the immense perv levels of these two right here, but its more over the fact that Papi is supposed to be a father. From the very first episode we see the man, he comes in while Popee and Kedamono are practicing a trick, and his immediate reaction isn't some super flashy self introduction, or yknow- a fucking "Hello, son, I'm back from my several years of searching for the milk". It's to one-up his son? Assuming, being trying to understand any actual story out of this show is as difficult as understanding the FNaF lore, Popee is only even apart of this circus, or training to be apart of the circus, probably because of his father.. so Papi's intro is kind of a dick move. But then again, it could just be something that's going over my head entirely, since he proceeds to mentor them [and get a chainsaw to the head in the process]. I wanna believe that, or yknow find some sorta less asshole-y explanation, but then you kinda notice the difference from before he arrived, and after. When it was just Popee and Kedamono, Kedamono was impressed and supportive, and whether he wanted to or not, he'd end up practicing some sorta trick, or just sticking around to witness Popee practicing. After Papi arrived, and there was another member to the little group, I realized that everything Popee did was- disapproved by Papi, if I'm wording that correctly. A couple times here and there was some applauding, but other then that Papi kinda just seemed overall disappointed. No, I didn't rewatch the entire series again, but from what I can remember its usually disappointment, showing favoritism to Kedamono, or just constantly doing whatever his son is doing but better. I don't think I'd want this man as a mentor ngl. I mean if your son kills you and digs a grave with no hesitation, and is barely even upset at your death at all, pretty sure that means something is wrong with the relationship.😕 And besides the points where he's shown to "care", he is also pretty neglectful. The episode Ghost is one example, where they practice a magic trick on Popee, I genuinely love this little bit at the start because it seems like they actually have a decent relationship with each other-

but then everything just goes downhill immediately, and that's because Kedamono is a royal fuck up and kills Popee. That's when my point comes in. Look at Kedamono. AND THEN LOOK AT PAPI.

BROTHA WHERES YOUR SADNESS- YOUR CONCERN- YOUR SON JUST DIED, KEDA IS FREAKING OUT.. AND YOU'RE JUST DIGGING A GRAVE LIKE ITS AN AVERAGE EVERYDAY OCCURANCE. THE ONLY TIME YOU ACTUALLY START GIVING A SHIT IS WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO SAVE KEDAMONO- AND AS FAR AS I KNOW, YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW THE WOLF. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Another great example is in the episode Medicine, where Popee is sick with what one can only explain as this shows version of Covid-19. Papi and Kedamono are trying to help him by mixing some random ass concoctions that I'm gonna assume is a mix of medicine and soup, and overall none of them had worked. By the time they found something that didn't taste like straight death, they get distracted by that and decide "lets go off and enjoy ourselves", MEANWHILE POPEE LOOKS LIKE HE'S FUCKING BEGGING FOR HELP. I GET IT, POPEE ISN'T EXACTLY SOME SWEET ANGEL, QUITE THE OPPOSITE ACTUALLY BUT NOW YOU'RE STOOPING AS LOW AS HE DOES. An episode that really stands out is Loneliness, where Papi and Kedamono leave while Popee is asleep, and they stay gone for a few days. Popee is the definition of an asshole, duh, we all know he terrorizes everyone around him for a living. But according to the episode, they had to have been gone for maybe two or three days. Popee slept the entire day away, and thats the day they left, I'm gonna assume he spent that night/the next day trying to figure out where everyone went, and then went insane the day after. He'll kill Papi and Keda, no hesitation, but obviously he cares about them still, after all that's his father and his best friend. I assumed the pantomime episode plays a little into this, being Popee creates what looks like a hallucination of himself to cope with what he assumes to be abandonment, and its a hallucination everyone else can sense/see as well. (and take note of this, it appears that the easiest[?] way for somebody to duplicate themselves in a mental hallucination way is when they cry, so obviously Popee freaked out when he came to the explanation of abandonment so I'm assuming absent father = pretty fucked up mindset). Papi and Kedamono come back, they get rid of the duplicate by having Papi make a duplicate of himself, and Popee freaks the fuck out about it. Kedamono offers a solution- talk to him, try and calm him down, being a decent person to Popee. Papi literally refuses to even acknowledge the idea, or his son, and tries literally any other solution that doesn't involve talking to his child. I'm sorry... your child is having a mental breakdown. And you refuse to look at him. As I said, there are a lot of things that make Papi a great character, but he could be so much better if he was just a decent father. When I first watched the show, I genuinely thought Popee was just the most heartless prick known to man but like.. CMON, LOOK AT THIS SHIT, POPEE IS SO FUCKED IN THE HEAD BECAUSE OF HIS PIECE OF SHIT DAD. I'VE SEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW THEY BELIEVE HE WAS JUST GONE FOR MOST OF POPEE'S LIFE AND I CAN SEE THAT, AND THEN WHEN HE DOES COME INTO THE PICTURE, HE JUST RUINS EVERYTHING. THE SECOND IMAGE HERE FROM MEDICINE, WHEN POPEE IS BEGGING FOR HELP, HE'S REACHING FOR HELP RIGHT??? AND WHO DOES HE REACH FOR??? NOT PAPI, NOT HIS OWN FATHER, HE REACHES FOR HIS BEST FRIEND, KEDA.

THE DUPLICATES HAVE A BETTER FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIP. HELL, WITH POPEE AND KEDAMONO, THEY'VE KILLED EACH OTHER, POPEE TERRORIZES HIM FOR FUN EVEN, AND EVEN THEY HAVE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP. WHEN THE WHOLE CIRCUS JUST VANISHED WHILE KEDAMONO WAS FREAKING OUT, POPEE STAYED... I DON'T SEE PAPI DOING THAT FOR POPEE.

THE SHOWS ENDING WAS GREAT, YEAH... BUT I WISH IT WAS POPEE AND KEDAMONO BEING STARS OF THE CIRCUS ON STAGE, AND PAPI OUT OF THE FUCKIN PICTURE.

[recurring-polynya]

Tokusatsu Au where Rukia plays the lead actress in a superhero action show. Renji plays one of the villains and they are The most popular ship in the fandom. Bonus points if Orihime plays the main villain and loves every second of it.

This was the very first prompt I got, and I fell in love. Unfortunately, aside from a brief period of being grotesquely fascinated with Power Rangers as teen, I know almost nothing about tokusatsu. I did as much research as I could and I attempted to watch an episode of Kamen Rider, but my eyes glazed over halfway through. Anyway, please forgive my inaccuracies, I wrote this with my heart.

ao3 | ff.net

🏍    ⚡   🎬

“Uh, looks like we’re almost out of time,” the panel moderator for “High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe!: A Sneak Peak at Season 5” declared, “but would you be willing to take just a few audience questions?”

Head Screenwriter Kurosaki Ichigo glanced at Leading Actress Kuchiki Rukia out of the corner of his eye, and she gave a tiny nod.

“Yeah, sure!” he replied.

There was already a young woman waiting at the microphone, practically vibrating with anxiety. She was wearing a t-shirt that had ZabiTo4Ever!! handwritten in marker on it. Rukia knew, deep down in her bones, what the question was going to be.

“Hi, yes, hello, big fan of your work! My question is: are Tomoe and Zabimaru going to kiss this season?”

“No,” Rukia started to say.

“As you probably know,” Ichigo said loudly on top of her, “the show holds close to the core plot points of Kuna-sensei’s manga, although, because of her minimalist style, we do expand a lot of the dialogue and filler scenes. She has said in several interviews that High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe! is not a romance manga, so the odds of Tomoe and Zabimaru ever kissing on screen are very, very low.”

The young woman stared at Ichigo grumpily. “Does this also count Zabimaru’s secret college student identity, Satonako Takeru?”

Ichigo stared back at her. “Yes. It does.”

The next question came from a person wearing a full suit of HellKnight’s plasma armor made out of overlapping plates of cardboard. Rukia was kind of impressed by it. She wondered if he could sit down.

“Hi, Kurosaki-sensei, I am a huge fan of your work,” a voice emanated from deep within the cardboard. “I was wondering if you are influenced at all by fanworks, and if Episode 73: Pride is on the Line!: The Bake Sale Must Go On! was based in any way on the classic fanfiction, ‘Tell Me All Your Best Lies’? It’s the top story by kudos in the ZabiTo tag, which I might point out is the most popular shipping category on AO3.”

Ichigo cleared his throat gently. “I am contractually not allowed to read fanfiction, although I do enjoy fanart! There are some incredibly talented artists in the fandom, although for some reason, no one ever wants to draw pictures of Lead Screenwriters.”

“I’ll draw you, sleeping on the set like you always do,” Rukia offered, and that got a pretty big laugh. Rukia’s Tumblr of behind-the-scenes doodle comics was beloved among the fandom.

The next question was from a nonbinary person wearing a big poufy skirt and a hairstyle that would make their make-up and hair guru, Yumichika, sit up and take notice. “Hi, this is a question for Kuchiki-san! If the show is going to roughly keep pace with the manga, as it has done up until now, you should be shooting the storyline where Tomoe and Queen Bloodbuzz switch bodies later this year. I was wondering if you could comment on how you feel about filming that storyline?”

Finally! A good one! “Yes!” Rukia nodded eagerly. “I don’t usually like to speak for my fellow cast members, but Orihime and I are beyond excited about playing each other. We’ve been studying each other’s mannerisms and practicing already! Does anyone want to hear my Queen Bloodbuzz cackle?” She wagged her eyebrows as the audience cheered. “Here goes-- bwaHaHaHaHAHAHAHAAHAAAHAAAAAAAA!”

“Bonechilling,” Ichigo commented dryly as the audience erupted.

“Amazing, Kuchiki-san!” the moderator exclaimed. “I think there is time for one more, but this will be the last question!”

A tall girl in a full set of High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe motorcycle leathers stepped to the microphone. She was holding a notebook. “Hello!” she warbled. “In a 2020 interview with the Psychics and Sidekicks podcast, Abarai Renji was asked about his opinion on ZabiTo as a ship, and he replied,” she consulted her notebook, “‘Tomoe is such a cool lady and talented Battle Clairvoyant, and she always follows her heart and stays true to herself. I think that Zabimaru can’t help but be impressed with her, even though they’re enemies, and I always try to roll that into our on-screen interactions.’ I know that in the past you’ve refused to comment on the ship, but I was wondering if you had any thoughts on, y’know, his thoughts?”

“Well, he’s correct, of course, Tomoe is very cool and admirable,” Rukia replied, which drew a few laughs, although it seemed like the audience was leaning forward in anticipation of her answer. “Like I said, I don’t like to speak for other cast members. I’ll be doing a big cast panel with Abarai and Inoue and Matsumoto and Ukitake tomorrow afternoon, and I hope you all can make it! See you then!”

The moderator thanked them enthusiastically, and then Ichigo and Rukia slipped out the back guest entrance.

“Evasive as always, Kuchiki,” Ichigo teased.

“Whatever,” Rukia sniffed. “The higher ups say we’re not supposed to comment on stuff like that, and I was not commenting. By the way, how many secret fanfic accounts are you up to? Four?”

“It’s only three!” Ichigo paused. “I wrote that fanfic the guy brought up.”

“Of course you did,” Rukia sighed. “I do blame you personally for the popularity of the damn ship.”

“Me? Blame Kuna for making up two such sexy, emotionally constipated dumbasses!” Ichigo defended.

“Also, it’s not Ichigo’s fault that you and Abarai have insane chemistry.”

Rukia spun around, grinning. “Orihime!”

Rukia’s two co-stars, Inoue Orihime and Abarai Renji, the portrayers of Tomoe’s demonic archnemeses, stood in the hallway behind them.

“We sat in on your panel!” Orihime beamed. “You two were brilliant!”

“Don’t worry,” Renji added. “We were incognito.”

“Incognito” was relative, Rukia supposed, when you were at Tokyo’s biggest tokusatsu

convention.

Orihime was wearing a Zabimaru outfit so detailed that she probably could have won a prize down at the cosplay hall. She had the gravity-defying ponytail, the eyeliner, the insane widow's peak (complete with forehead tatts), the fangs, the motorcycle boots. The paper mache snake skull helmet was a little lopsided, but it was charming. She had her top zipped a little higher than canon, but that was forgivable, too.

Renji had taken the opposite tack of looking as much like a normal person-- or at least a normal Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe superfan-- as possible. Relaxed fit jeans and an oversized hoodie de-emphasized his ultra-fit physique. He was wearing a t-shirt with a very dramatic rendering of Orihime that said “Queen Bloodbuzz can step on me!” and a ball cap with the logo of Seireitei University, the fictional college Tomoe and Takeru attended.

“You think you’re in disguise,” Rukia pointed out, “but there are thousands of teen girls in this place with entire Tumblrs dedicated to your stupid face when you’re out of costume.”

Renji cocked an eyebrow at her. “You underestimate me, Rukia. I have bought… new sunglasses.” With a flourish, he whipped out a pair of the dorkiest wayfarers she’d ever seen, and flipped them onto his face. “I’ve disappeared! Who am I? Where am I?”

“You look really great, Orihime,” Ichigo said, his cheeks coloring a little bit. “Did you get Uryuu or Yumichika to help you with that costume?” In his continuing theme of doing things he wasn’t supposed to, Ichigo had finally started dating Orihime on the downlow around the time they finished up filming last season. It had done absolutely nothing for how shy he still got around her. They were, in Rukia’s opinion, cute as hell.

“Oh, no, that would be cheating!” Orihime replied, wagging a finger at him. “Well…maybe I did cheat, just a tiny bit. Renji helped me make the helmet and he held up references for me while I was painting on the tattoos.”

“Only the forehead ones,” Renji quickly added.

“He wouldn’t even offer feedback on my booby tattoos!” Orihime frowned. She leaned forward. “Rukia, how do they look?”

Ichigo turned even redder.

“Perfect, as in all you do!” Rukia replied loftily.

“What’s everyone got coming up next?” Renji asked. “I was thinking of slipping out and trying to pick up some real coffee.”

“I’m judging a villainess-themed cosplay competition,” Orihime chirped. “But I’m dying for a blueberry caramel iced latte. Renji, my henchman, pleeeeease!”

“Of course, my liege,” Renji replied in his Zabimaru voice.

It’s not like it had been a hard decision to accept the role of the motorcycle-riding, badass heroine of one of the most popular manga of the last decade, but it had turned out to be one of the best decisions of Rukia’s life. not just her career. Aside from a few of the money-obsessed executives, she liked nearly everyone in the cast and crew, but the fact that the fact that the ruthless, homicidal, literally Hell-spawned villains of the show were played by the two sweetest marshmallow people she had ever met just took the cake. Renji and Orihime had already known each other from some voicework they had done previously, and their excitement at working together on a live-action project had infected the entire cast from the start. Rukia wasn’t sure, but she strongly suspected that Renji was the one who had hyped Orihime up to ask Ichigo out.

“I have a writers’ workshop I’m moderating this afternoon, and I wanted to review the writing samples people sent in,” Ichigo said, scratching the back of his head. “I’d love to stop by that cosplay contest, though, at least for a few minutes.”

“You’ll be needing caffeine, too, then, eh?” Renji offered. “Hot, black, and in the largest cup they make, as usual?”

“Ugh, you’re the best,” Ichigo groaned. “You wanna power-up this season? Costume update? You know what? Maybe I’ll just have you defeat Tomoe once and for all, no one likes her anyway.”

“C’mon, you know I’m the world’s number one Tomoe simp, don’t do that!” Renji laughed.

Rukia rolled her eyes. “I’m free and I could use some fresh air. Besides, it’s going to take all your dumb muscles just to carry Kurosaki’s vat of coffee back here.”

“Cool!” Renji proclaimed. “We’ll be back soon!”

“Thanks, Renjiiiii!” Orihime waved.

“You need to stop off and put on a disguise?” Renji asked.

“No point in it, I always get recognized,” Rukia sighed, pulling her sunglasses out of her purse anyway.

“Here,” Renji said, plunking his hat on her head. “Maybe this will help.”

“Thanks,” Rukia replied, and then did a double take. “Whaaaaaat is on your head?”

“Shut up!” Renji laughed. He usually shaved his head when they were filming, because it made it easier to deal with the make-up and wigs, but since they were between seasons, he’d grown his hair out into a short, tousled mop of reddish-brown waves. He looked, for the lack of a better word, dreamy. “I shot a movie over the summer, and they wanted me to look softer.”

Rukia looked at him over the top of her sunglasses. “You didn’t tell me you were doing a movie!”

“Oh, it was just a little indy romcom thing. I wasn’t sure it was gonna pan out, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

“You were in a romcom? You’re kidding me!” They ducked out of a side door of the convention center into the bright sunshine.

“Yeah, it’s about a guy who goes to the gym to try to get ripped to impress a girl, and makes friends with me, this nice, already ripped dude who gives him lifting tips and encourages him a bunch. By the end of the movie, it turns out we have crushes on each other.”

“Oh, no, that sounds really cute, actually!”

“It was written by a woman who graduated from one of Ichigo’s writing workshops. The script was really snappy and Ichigo thought having someone like me as the gym guy would give it just a bit of campy cachet. You know what a good sense he’s got for stuff like that.”

“That was cool of you to go out on a limb a little,” Rukia replied.

Renji rubbed the back of his neck. “I’d been wanting to try something like that for a while, actually.”

Rukia blinked. “You aren’t… you aren’t thinking of leaving the show, are you?”

“Huh? No. No! No, the show means the world to me, I would never. But… it’s not gonna run forever, y’know?”

“I would have guessed you’d want to be a big action star or something!” Rukia said, throwing a few air punches. “That’s my dream!”

Renji stuffed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “Yeah, that’s what I thought I wanted when I first got into acting. I’d read the Tomoe manga, and I thought playing Zabimaru would be a good jumping-off point, besides just being a cool character overall.”

“Is that… not true?” Rukia frowned.

“Oh, I mean, I guess so! I didn’t really know about the fandom, though and… to be honest, I’m kinda into the idea that there are all these fans who think I’m complex and redeemable?”

Rukia regarded him out of the corner of her eye. “They just want to fix you.”

“Maybe! Ichigo made me read this one fanfic that was eight thousand words of the reader getting sick and Zabimaru making them soup? And feeding them the soup? I still haven’t decided how I feel about it.”

“How does he have time to find these things? Does he even sleep?”

“Anyway, it doesn’t hurt to be well-rounded and it was fun. I’m still mostly an action guy, but I wouldn’t mind doin’ something with a romantic subplot. A period drama or something like that. I look pretty good in hakama, you know.”

“I bet you do,” Rukia laughed. She squinted at him, but his expression was unreadable behind the shades. Renji didn’t have the classic leading man looks, not like her ridiculously famous older brother, but she could definitely see him as the best friend, the B-plot romance, with his cute, messy hair and that big doofy grin.

“By the way, I’m sorry you had to field that question about me spilling my romantic sensibilities on that podcast.”

Rukia laughed. “You didn’t even answer the question, either! These people are relentless!”

Renji stopped at a street corner and peered down the various possible directions they could go. “Which way feels like it might have a coffee shop?”

“You didn’t have one in mind before we left? I thought you knew where we were going!”

“Nah, I just like to go out and see what there is.”

“I can look up a map,” Rukia said, reaching in her bag for her phone.

“Let’s just go this way,” Renji said, stepping out into the street in the direction that had the WALK light. Rukia sighed and had to scramble to catch up with him.

“So, what do you think about it?”

“Huh?” Rukia asked. “Think about what?”

“Our ship. ZabiTo.”

“I can’t believe you just said that word out loud. And you know we’re not supposed to give our opinion on it!”

“Aw, c’mon, we’re not supposed to give public statements on our opinions. I don’t think there’s any harm in talking between ourselves. We’re in disguise, even.”

“‘Disguise’,” Rukia sniffed.

“You don’t like it, I can tell.”

“He’s a bad guy! Everyone always talks about chemistry, and that may be true, but I just don’t think that Tomoe could ever get over his acts of violence and cruelty.”

“Queen Bloodbuzz is cruel. Zabimaru is not cruel.”

“Okay, that’s fair, but still. He’s kidnapped just about all of Tomoe’s friends and or turned them into monsters at one time or another. He’s always setting Karakura Town on fire or flooding it with magic lizard goo. He ruined the sports festival.”

“Maybe the sports festival deserved to be ruined,” Renji muttered under his breath.

“Okay, you’ve got a point on that one,” Rukia admitted.

“It’s really clear though, that he’s got some agenda beyond just simping for Queen Bloodbuzz--”

“The simping for Queen Bloodbuzz is the most relatable thing about him, to be honest.”

“Granted. But, what if he’s got a good reason for everything he does, actually? What if he’s doing all of this against his own moral code as a means of infiltrating Hell itself and getting himself into a position of trust so that he can bring down the Lords of Hell from the inside?”

Rukia slipped her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose. “Does Kuna give you Zabimaru spoilers?” The reclusive creator High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe! was only barely involved with the television show, but she did privately meet with each of the cast members about once a year. Most of Rukia’s meetings consisted of Kuna giving her constructive criticism on her battle poses.

“No, mostly we practice sneering,” Renji replied. “But I gotta play the guy, so I gotta think about this, you know, what motivates him? I mean, you’re probably right, it would never work out. But unlike Tomoe, whose principles would call for her to ignore any attraction she has to him, Zabimaru has the freedom to pine for her, perhaps because his love is futile and he doesn’t think he deserves it anyway.”

“That’s kinda dark, dude,” Rukia frowned.

“Yes, well, that is the kind of character acting that netted me the 2019 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Best Villain Award, Foreign Language Category.”

“That’s literally what’s going through your head when you’re shouting that if I can’t make some sick motorcycle jump, you’ll turn all my friends into stuffed animal versions of themselves?”

“No, of course not! At those times I’m thinking about how much I love my job. OH! and what is that I see!” Renji struck an extremely Zabimaru pose. “A MISTER DONUT!”

“My hero!” Rukia exclaimed, unable to resist an opportunity to shout dramatically. “I’m sorry I doubted you!”

“I think we should get some donuts, too. Orihime loves donuts,” Renji declared.

“Oh, for sure,” Rukia agreed. She was thoughtful for a moment. It would be easy to move on to a different subject, the subject being donuts, but she wasn’t happy with leaving the last conversation hanging. “Look, Renji, just because I don’t like the dumb ship, you know that’s not a reflection on you, right?”

“Huh?” Renji replied. “You mean you don’t mind if I like it?”

“Well… I mean, I don’t, I guess, but what I really meant was, er… we joke a lot, but Tomoe and Zabimaru are just parts, y’know? Just because I don’t think Zabimaru isn’t good boyfriend material doesn’t mean I…” Rukia trailed off, suddenly realizing what she was saying. “Um. What I mean is. You’re very nice and probably one of my favorite people I’ve ever worked with and if someone I knew wanted to ask you out, I would definitely encourage them to, A+ guy, I’d say, probably would make a great boyfriend.”

Renji pushed his sunglasses up onto his forehead and regarded her for a long moment. “For the record, Kuchiki, I think that both you and Tomoe would make excellent girlfriend material.” While Rukia stood there and gaped like a fish, he turned and pushed open the door to the coffee shop. “Ichigo likes crullers and Orihime always wants the most colorful thing they’ve got. Do you know what you want?”

“I need to think about it,” Rukia squeaked. She wasn’t talking about donuts.

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Bonus: Here are my notes from when I was making up the show. I hope this wasn’t too confusing!

High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe!

based on a manga by reclusive mangaka Kuna Mashiro

Head Screenwriter: Kurosaki Ichigo

🌟 Starring: 🌟

Kuchiki Rukia as Yukimura Tomoe, a spunky college student who can see ghosts and fights demons from Hell! She rides a motorcycle!

Inoue Orihime as Queen Bloodbuzz, a Lady of Hell, who seeks to gather energy from the Living Realm so that she can become the Supreme Ruler of Hell. Very aesthetic. Much bees.

Abarai Renji as Zabimaru, Queen Bloodbuzz’s ruthless henchman. He leads a double life as fierce-looking, but gentle-hearted college student Satonaka Takeru! What is his long game??

[ducktracy]

152. porky the wrestler (1937)

release date: january 9th, 1937

series: looney tunes

director: tex avery

starring: joe dougherty (porky), tex avery (man mountain), mel blanc (porky screaming)

boy, these voice actors have some weird names. what kind of name is “mel blanc” anyway? that’s right, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: mel blanc joins the scene! many (myself included for awhile, always forgetting this cartoon) consider picador porky his first cartoon, where he supplies the voice of two drunks in a bull costume, but this is the first cartoon he does voices in. his part is minor, just porky doing daffy’s shrieks before daffy existed, but it was enough to confuse the hell out of me the first time, thinking that joe dougherty somehow perfected the Mel Blanc Daffy Shriek before mel or daffy ever came on board. so, this is a big, big deal! mel wouldn’t voice porky until porky’s duck hunt, but he’d supply his voice in picador porky, the fella with the fiddle, and porky’s romance. welcome home, mel! pertaining to the plot: porky is ecstatic to see the local wrestling match, but he gets much more than he bargained for when he finds himself in the wrestling ring instead.

there’s a rather tasteful opening that reminds me of the techniques frank tashlin would use in his cartoons: a printing press is busy printing a hefty stack of newspapers, with overlays of the papers flipping by as an offscreen voice declares “EXTRA! EXTRA!” we get a glimpse of the headline: CAPACITY CROWDS TO WITNESS CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING TONIGHT. as if CAPAPCITY CROWDS wasn’t enough of an indicator, tex totes his love of typography as the words EVERYBODY’S GOING zoom into view at the bottom.

the next shot is a collection of eager hitchhikers, awaiting a ride to the big fight. a wiener dog extends his body back and forth as he jabs his thumb out, a lounging man signals with his toe, a dog with crossed eyes signals in opposite directions, another man droning “calling all cars, calling all cars, give me a ride, please,” a line that would be delivered in the same monotone voice in a number of shorts. the transition sweeps across the scene break up momentum slightly, but it’s not supposed to be a quickly cut urgent scene in the first place, so it works.

included in the interminable line of hitchhikers is our star porky pig. “the fella with the fiddle” would temporarily be his theme song for 1936, but “puddin’ head jones” would continue to be a theme song for him from 1937 onward, even used as far as 1946 in bob mckimson’s daffy doodles. it’s a catchy song for sure, with amusing lyrics, essentially insinuating that porky’s a bit of a dope (which isn’t too far off). he too works his best hitchhiker’s thumb, but doesn’t receive much luck. a man drives right past him in his jalopy, which falls to pieces, the man still suspended in mid-air. he stuffs his broken car parts into his suitcase, now joining the hitchhiker line. another car screeches to a halt for porky, a man asking “where ya goin’, sonny?” porky approaches the car, lugging his suitcase. “why, i’m goin’ to the wrassling match.” lovely comedic timing as the man inside the car declares “so am i,” slamming the door shut and screeching away, leaving porky in the dust.

no matter—the sound of honking signals porky’s attention towards a long, pompous limo, “THE CHALLENGER” emblazoned on the screen below. inside the limo, the portly challenger spots the hitchhiking pig and signals for his driver to pick him up, by grabbing the driver’s head and extending his neck over to him. a lovely visual gag that’s enhanced by its nonchalant nature. that’s what i love about tex’s gags, they feel so natural and nonchalant. there’s never a feeling of “LOOK! LAUGH AT THIS!”, they just happen so offhandedly that it makes the joke all the funnier.

screeching to a halt (the tires skidding and turning into shoes to halt), the limo picks up porky, who happily steps inside. the challenger says in a thick, russian accent, “hello, what’s your name, kiddo?” “my name’s porky pig! what’s yours?” thus spawns a reoccurring gag. even here it isn’t pronounced correctly, as the challenger stumbles on his own name (i’m going by one of the pronunciations in the cartoon that feels the most correct): “my name is hugo yakinowskiokiwoskioski.” he tells porky that he’s going to fight the champ—lovely animation as he gets up in the camera, eyeing the audience to assert his dominance.

outside of the wrestling arena, two men pace around impatiently, one groveling “looks like this guy yakinowskiokiwoskioski has stood us up, chief.” just then, the limo crawls into view and turns around the corner, the limo extending and then the rest of its “body” catching up like an inchworm, a very popular gag in the looney verse. yakinowskiokiwoskioski marches out of the limo, but for reasons unknown, falls straight through a trap door in the sidewalk. porky crawls out of the limo next, trap door now closed, when the two men spot him and heckle him. “you’re late, yakinowskiokiwoskioski!” they grab porky by the arms and drag him away.

inside the arena, the crowd is clapping and whistling along to the underscore of “parade of the animals”. one of the assistants pops his head up to the ring, addressing the burly, bearded champ. “yakinowskiokiwoskioski just came in, champ.”

the referee, a gangly man armed with a megaphone, addresses the fighters. i love the animation of the ref, a literal rubber hose character as he sticks his head through the megaphone. “in this corner at 406 and 7/8ths, man mountain the champion!” man mountain shakes his burly fists as he receives his applause. “and in this corner, the challenger hugo manowskiowskimoski... oskimawski... brrroskioski... awww, him.” he jabs his rubbery finger at an empty corner.

below the ring is a little hideout for the wrestlers to get ready. an anxious porky sits perched on a stool, an assistant pulling a lever. a pedestal in the floor rises up and propels porky out onto the ring. thus sparks mel blanc’s first ever lines in a looney tunes cartoon: pseudo daffy shrieks. man mountain growls and bares his saliva riddled teeth, and a man sitting outside of the ring hits his knee. the reflex causes his leg to swing up and ring the wrestling bell (very clever), and a terrified porky shrieks and hoohoos as he desperately attempts to claw his way out of the ring, tripping on the ropes, but to no avail. the animation combined with blanc’s shrieks make for a hysterical scene—a good one to debut with.

man mountain slams his back into one of the wooden posts behind him, and the impact propels porky right into MM’s grip. MM bounces porky like a basketball, tex avery providing his husky vocals as MM tauntingly sings, bouncing him around through his legs. there’s a slightly jarring transition as MM tosses porky offscreen and rushes to meet him, the next cut having them already engaged in action, MM crawling on top of porky. porky manages to weasel his way out of MM’s grip, and MM spends the rest of the time tackling himself and growling, pinning his own foot down and flipping over himself. what makes the scene even better is that there’s a bystander in the crowd shouting “GIVE IT TO HIM! GIVE IT TO HIM!”

what launches next is probably one of tex’s best scenes during his looney tunes tenure, especially for his porky cartoons. while MM pounds in agony against the floor, the impact causes a spectator’s tobacco pipe to fly out of his mouth and directly into MM’s throat. MM pauses, and presses his stomach. a chuff of smoke bellows from his mouth. another press, another puff. soon, he begins to chug like a train, smoke pouring out of his mouth. attempting to escape him, the referee and porky both end up grabbing hold of MM, and they all form a train.

even better is the suspension of disbelief in the entire scene. instead of stopping there, tex pushes it to the limit. a man moves the wrestling bell to the top of the corner post, the bell ringing and swaying back and forth like a railroad crossing signal as the train passes the corner. now inside the crowd, a man offers snacks, pillows, and magazines like a train attendee. even better, a spectator goes to fetch some water from the water cooler, but the floor sways and buckles beneath him as the roar of the train rushing on the train tracks grow louder. a man even looks out a WINDOW, and we see telephone lines and a rolling countryscape zoom past. the man is shocked—not because the wrestling ring has been transformed into a train cabin, but because he’s due for his stop. he grabs his hat, suitcase, and departs.

it’s certainly a nonsense scene, but that’s what makes it so good. remember, this started because the champ swallowed a pipe. anyone could make a gag about the champ billowing smoke from a swallowed pipe, but only tex avery would think to stretch the gag out of bounds, turning the entire wrestling ring into a train cabin, complete with moving scenery. suspension of disbelief is key to appreciate the gag, and boy, is it a good one. very similar to the wild horse chase in the village smithy. funny how the strongest gags in the porky cartoons hardly involve porky at all. i love porky, he’s one of my favorite characters, but he certainly does fare better as a sidekick than front and center. regardless, there are plenty of funny moments that involve his own doing, as we’ll see later on.

porky finally distances himself from the train, when man mountain barrels into him. he takes great offense: “so you don’t wanna play choo choo, huh?” words flash on the bottom screen advertising THE AEROPLANE SPIN as MM twirls porky above his head in an aerial spin, both of them turning into a literal flash of an airplane in the process, zooming around the arena and eventually crashing into the ring.

snapping out of his momentary daze, porky gives an uncharacteristic “WOAH!” in a deeper man’s voice—definitely not dougherty’s—and rips a patch from the flooring, crawling underneath the tarp on the ground as man mountain crawls after him. he punts the pig shaped bump to one of the corners, where porky’s head pops out of the corner post. MM whacks porky in the head, which sends him propelling down through the post and out of the other diagonal post, knocking right into the perpetrator.

man mountain is seemingly down for the count, tiny porky perched on his giant physique. the referee and the crowd all count in a rhythm of twos, man mountain interjecting “uh-uh!” after the “five, six!” regardless of man mountain’s protests, porky is declared the winner. MM lifts his head up slightly, the referee placing his hand on the ground to catch him. instead, MM slams his head to the ground, and the referee now pulls out a giant, flattened hand. iris out.

this is certainly one of tex’s better porky entries, and one of his last—he’d only make 4 more after this in his entire career at warner bros. that train sequence is too wonderful for words, and i encourage everyone to check it out. it’s entirely nonsensical, but that’s the POINT, and the fact that tex sticks to it so staunchly really brings the gag to life, so you don’t care that the wrestling arena is now an entire moving train. stick to your vision and don’t give up, because these are the results that you’ll get! no matter how absurd it is, go for it. this is about as absurd as you can get, and it’s wonderful. furthermore, this short has the historical significance of being mel blanc’s cartoon. who doesn’t want to hear porky shrieking like daffy? and the reoccurring plight of yakinowskiokiwoskioski’s name is another wonderful aspect of the cartoon. watch it! it’s a great one for sure that’s worthy of your attention. go check it out for yourself!

link!